I wrote another soppy angsty romantic destiel fic 😇 read it here on ao3 or below:
Cas wakes, as he often does when he sleeps, on his side with Dean wrapped around him. It's the early hours of morning, although the room is lit just as it was last night; the lamp on Cas’s side of Dean's bed stays on overnight. Neither of them enjoy being plunged into darkness.
Dean's arm hangs heavily over his bare chest, his nose is pushed up into Cas’s hair, and Dean's knees have caught one of Cas’s thighs between them. It's warm, not just from their body heat and the comforter, but from the inside. He's never felt more at home than in Dean's arms.
On Cas shifting forward a little, Dean shuffles forward and nuzzles his nose into the back of his neck. Cas stills, then grips Dean's wrist, overcome. A certain self-knowledge has been uncovered in his head, like a delightful worm found under a lifted rock. He didn't mean to wake him, but Dean grumbles into his skin, "Cas."
"Go back to sleep," Cas tells him, but when Dean's arm shifts it crosses over the left side of his chest.
"Your heart's beating like crazy. What's up?" Dean's voice is still slurred with sleep, pressed up as close to unconsciousness as he is to Castiel.
"I just realised something," Cas says, bumping his thumb across the back of Dean's knuckles slowly which makes Dean half-hum contentedly. "I love you."
The fact blankets them further, soft but undeniable. Dean inhales and exhales deeply twice, and then says, breathy, "Oh."
"It's a surprise?"
"No," Dean says, pressing his forehead to the base of Cas’s skull. Then:
"Can you stop?"
"No." The first comes out annoyed - how can Dean doubt him, even now? - but when Dean's arm tightens around him, Cas gentles, "No, Dean. I can't. I've tried."
He has. Early on, sent to Heaven for disapline over and over for perceived slights against the Host he could barely understand. When Dean was the only thing standing between Cas and angelic redemption. When Dean has been callous, and bitter, and cruel. He's tried. Dean is too lovable for it to ever stick.
"I'm afraid I will love you for the whole of my life."
"Don't," Dean pleads, and it's not clear whether he means don't love me or don't tell me. Either way, Cas is going to let him down.
"I love you," Cas repeats, firmly, "I have loved you. I will love you. That's all."
"That's all," Dean echos, with a little huffed laugh. His voice is shaking, "Just, 'I love you, that's all'. What the hell, man?"
"It's a new thought, I don't have a speech prepared."
"You didn't know before? Seriously? When you - when we ripped up the rule book? You didn't know?"
"I had my suspicions," Cas admits, and he goes willingly when Dean pulls at his shoulder so that Cas is on his back, looking up at Dean in the golden light of the bedside lamp. Oh. "You're beautiful."
"Cas," Dean grumbles, looking away briefly but then back to Cas's face, a conflicted expression set into his features. "Cas..."
That seems to be it for several long seconds, during which they examined each other openly. It's Dean who breaks eyecontact again first, casting his gaze out into the room. He rubs a hand over his own jaw roughly, and Cas sees his fingers pinch despite him trying to conceal it under the bolt of his jaw. Checking if it's a dream. Cas doesn't blame him.
Dean takes a deep breath, then says, with difficulty and closed eyes, "I don't want you to."
Cas tilts his head, and puts his fingers to the place Dean had pinched. Dean lets out a little cut off sound, a dimmed whine.
"Is that true?"
"Yes," Dean says, his voice tight - but he clutches the front of Cas’s shirt just as tightly. When Cas gently slides his palm up to Dean's cheek, Dean presses into it hard, his eyes still squeezed shut. Cas gives him the time he needs, moving his pinkie finger in soothing strokes next to Dean's crow's feet. Love, yes, it is love. Patient, kind and stubborn. That's the feeling that rises in Cas every time he gets the chance to look at Dean. He wouldn't trade it for anything.
"I'm not-" Dean says eventually, taking a sharp breath in partway through, "You shouldn't feel that way."
"I've had quite a lot of people tell me what I should be feeling. It hasn't stopped me thus far. No one has changed me as you have."
"Don't say that. Don't blame me. I didn't do anything."
Cas shakes his head, though Dean can't see it. It's a little humanoid habit he's picked up. One of those little things Heaven can't stand about him. One of hundreds.
"Dean, I'm not blaming you. I'm thanking you." The loneliness of Dean's closed eyes is becoming too much to bare. "Will you look at me?"
He does, and the action frees tears from his eyelashes. One runs down to Cas’s palm, and Cas wishes he could kiss the drop, to keep it safe forever. The green of Dean's eyes stands out strong against his wet lashes, and he blinks back more rising tears. All this from three simple words.
Dean has a few words of his own to say. He presses the heel of his hand down on Cas’s forehead, like he's smiting him, and says, brokenly, "I've ruined you."
"Dean," Cas says, struck with a burst of love in his chest, "you saved me."
"No," Dean insists, pressing harder. "I've made you vulnerable. Now you're gonna - you're gonna die and it's my fault."
"What are you talking about?"
"Everyone. All the time. Everyone I-" Dean shuts his eyes again, and Cas misses him instantly, "Everyone I love. If I start to think it's possible then it's too late."
Cas thinks about it seriously. "Maybe I will die." Dean makes another noise of suffering, so Cas tries to mitigate his words with another sweep of his little finger on Dean's face. "Dean. I might die. I can't promise you otherwise, with the lives we lead."
"Stop," Dean moans, "Stop it. Why are you doing this to me? What did I do?"
"You cared about me. You believed I could be better than I was, more than a tool for Heaven's will. You were right."
"What good has it done you?"
Cas narrows his eyes. "Don't insult me. Look at me." Dean complies, and swallows, his throat bobbing with it. "I'd rather die than never live. I'd rather love than be silent. And if I die, I will return to you. Always."
The tears are running thick and fast now, Dean's face is red and his chest heaving.
"Cas." He says again, beseeching, then he leans down. He kisses the back of his own hand, still pressed on Cas’s forehead, and it's Cas’s turn to close his eyes, just for a moment. "You don't know what you're doing to me."
Cas thinks he might. They have both been in this partnership for a long time. They know each other well.
"I have my suspicions."
When Dean's eye catches his, Cas smiles, just a little, and it grows when Dean kisses him on the mouth, once, quick.
"I liked that," Cas tells him, and Dean groans, then kisses him again, and again, another groan coming through from the back of his mouth when Cas kisses back.
They stay that way, kissing tenderly for a small eternity, until Dean's alarm goes off at 5am. Cas makes a noise of complaint when Dean turns away and untangles their linked hands to switch it off, which makes Dean laugh. The tension and fear had slowly receded as they made out, replaced with a quiet, sparkling joy.
"Thanks," Dean says, holding himself off a little from Cas rather than coming back for more.
"You're welcome," Cas says, with a confused frown, which gets Dean smiling, toothy, "What for?"
Dean shrugs with one shoulder. "I dunno. Everything. All of it. I can't believe you just said it as soon as you knew, man. You're supposed to hold that stuff in until you're about ready to explode whenever the other guy looks at you."
"Is that what you were doing?"
Another shrug, and a sly smile. "Hey, it worked didn't it?"
"Hm. Well then, thank you too."
Dean huffs, and settles his head down on Cas’s chest. Cas pets through Dean's hair, marvelling at how soft it feels, and gets a sleepy, pleased hum in response.
"You're welcome, Cas," Dean mumbles his eyes fluttering shut, and that same warmth that pushed Castiel's realisation of love suffuses him again.
Truly, he considers while Dean's breathing evens out to sleep again, here, he has always been welcome.
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Swapfell Facet - Sans (gemStone)
Rough Concepts (with a Muffet ;A; cause I love her and need to set aside some time for her sometime. Shes about 15-20ft tall UwU)
Decided as Stone for his nickname.
Some info to go with his bro. Ive had a bit more trouble with him obviously. I have many notes on these nerds but Ill try to keep it briefish.
His armor is his royal guard kit. Because their world lacks in metals his armor is made from crystal, with the facets done in a way to deflect blows. This also results in his armor being extremely heavy.
Sans is highly leveled and is close to 10ft tall, more than double his brother's height. He's fiercely protective of Papyrus and basically has devoted his life to his brother's safety. He likes to brag about Papyrus but only to others in Snowdin. He tries not to let anyone know Papyrus exists past Waterfall for safety reasons.
His more purple outfit is a concept for when hes younger/at home. He joined up with Muffets crew and works second to her (he is also second in guard. He likes not being in top charge since it gives him certain freedoms). Despite working with the guard he still works with Muffet. Legally he's in charge over Snowdin, but realistically Muffet is.
Sans' magic is erratic and unweidly as a side effect of his high level and also for posturing. Its not uncommon for him to have sparks of magic around him. When he activates Papyrus' shortcut you know he's coming because it feels like lightning is about to strike.
Due to the excess magic/LV spikes he has to burn it off regularly. As it builds up inside him his body trembles more which frustrates him. He'll wear his gauntlets for the last week or so before he takes care of the problem, since the weight keeps his hands from trembling.
Has manic moments and when fighting others / hyped up he will drool excess magic.
He's less skilled with trap magic than his brother is but he's far better at gravity magic. He's developed his own style of traps that combine the two: areas of kneeling and repelling. Kneeling causes whats on the tin, you won't be able to stand due to the pressure until the trap is released. Repelling won't let you in and if you try hard enough you'll be expelled with the same force.
The green scarf was a concept for something Papyrus may have given to him after learning silkweaving from the spiders.
Tassels are a symbol of Muffet's crew.
:) thanks for reading
(ps I almost called him Indigo but theres a Swapfell Indigo and I thought that'd be confusing. For fun though: if he meets others he'd go by Indigo as a joke for the other colour names, but he chooses (gem)Stone to match his brother.
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