#folks this is the longest thing i have EVER written
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it's done.
#/collapses#ohhhh my god#folks this is the longest thing i have EVER written#holy shit#it needs a full reread followed by several editing passes#and i want to finish posting my other fic first because there are like three chapters left#so expect this one to start posting around mid-December#kdsghjfhgdjklghdfkjh IT'S DONE#IT'S SO FUCKING LONG BUT IT'S DONE
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finally taking the time to read through the SAG agreement summary and oof, I hope they have an AI town hall soon because...well, there are things to discuss!
so, in case folks are curious, here are my immediate takeaways from the deal as a SAG actor, a SAG producer, and person who is not any kind of expert but spends a lot of time being skeptical of contracts I sign. this is a summation/commentary, not a holistic breakdown of every point, nor even an in-depth discussion of the points I do talk about. and it is, of course, in no way legal advice or voting advice.
this post is already maybe the longest post I've ever written on tumblr (lol) and I feel like I've barely scratched the surface. to be clear, nothing I'm saying here represents how I'm going to vote, how I think other actors should vote, or my be-all-end-all stance on a particular issue. this is me reading through, flagging what concerns me, and asking myself questions. and I'm here to take your questions too! though of course my expertise is limited.
(what?? something I wrote got annoying long?? in my tumblr? it's more likely, etc. huge write-up after the cut)
the good
self-tape stuff: this is one of the more niche/the thing that the general public will find least interesting, but they've put in a lot of provisions to make sure self-tape auditions have limits (# of pages, no stunts, no nudity, doesn't have to be professionally shot, etc.) which is amazing because these types of auditions have gotten out of control since the pandemic. this feels like a great gain
data transparency: in no world did I think the streamers were ever going to agree to any data sharing with either the wga or sag so even though the data is limited, this still feels huge to me.
folks who sing and dance will be paid for both of those things now, which is great
they've added MLK day and Juneteenth as holidays (about time)
a performer cannot be required to translate their own lines
principal performers are required to be given hair and makeup consultation or reimbursed for obtaining their own services - this seems like a small thing, but it's being put in here pretty much entirely because HMU services have generally been appalling when it comes to textured hair/a variety of skin tones. there's also stuff in here about working to hire more diverse HMU artists
it looks like it's going to be easier/provide a path for folks getting IMDb credits even if they're not credited on screen
miscellany: there's a bunch of gains in wage increases, P&H increases, relocation fees, franchise language etc. that all seem good to me, though my limited knowledge on those subjects prevents me from going in depth on them.
this is not important, but it tickled me, there's a term to replace all instances of "telegraph" in the contract with "email & text" which like...why has it taken us thirty years to do that lol.
the "...hm..."
intimacy coordinators: oof. when I watched the press conference SAG gave, I was fucking thrilled when they said that the new agreement required folks to hire intimacy coordinators for nudity and simulated sex scenes. that was almost reason enough for me to vote for it tbh - not requiring it is the exact reason I voted no on our last contract. however, reading the contract summary now, the exact language is: "Producer must use best efforts to engage an Intimacy Coordinator for scenes involving nudity or simulated sex and will consider in good faith any request by a performer to engage an Intimacy Coordinator for other scenes. Producer shall not retaliate against a performer for requesting an Intimacy Coordinator." this....sucks. "best efforts" and "good faith" are not the same as "required". IMO, an intimacy coordinator is the same thing as having a stunt coordinator or, like, any number of health and safety requirements. OSHA doesn't say you must "in good faith" put your "best effort" to providing fire exits. it's great that performers can request coordinators for any kind of scene, and this is still the strongest language we've ever had in a contract but....c'mon guys.
residuals: look, I can't speak to these new terms in any concrete way. there are increases, there are bonuses for streaming success, there's a whole thing about a fund regarding those successes that I need explained to me more in depth, but overall, it looks like we made some in-roads here. as someone who employs actors under digital distribution contracts that has no residuals (podcasts), I know how genuinely cumbersome the unholy trifecta of "views-success-profit" can be (as in views do not equal success, success does not equal profit, etc.). I also have no sympathy when the majority of companies dealing with that cumbersome trifecta are massive media conglomerates. anyway, long story short, idk if this is good enough, I'm hoping to attend the next info meeting sag has.
the bad
the new hair/makeup provisions are explicitly for principal actors. while I hope it leads to better, more inclusive HMU services all around I haaaate that this implies supporting or background actors (who oftentimes also have to sit in HMU) don't deserve the consideration. (then again, background actors are usually required to do their own HMU/bring their own costumes, but for productions where that's not the case, the same HMU provisions should apply IMO)
as with every contract, there's language that could be stronger, clarity that needs to exist, and important things missing - but this isn't the final contract and I'm not a lawyer, so I'm gonna leave that stuff to the experts.
but, "lauren", you say, "what about all the AI stuff? where does that go?" well, reader, I was planning on including that in the above but it's the hot-button issue right now and I think it's wickedly complicated, so I wanted to break it down separately, after I had a chance to point out all the good-bad-in-between stuff that's not getting talked about.
a note: in my career, I've learned there's two big things to keep in mind when reading a contract you might sign:
what is the worst case interpretation of this language (thank you to my lawyer, prince among men, for teaching me how to do this in practice (that said, anything I say here is not legal advice, he'd also want me to say that lol))
what are you willing to lose/compromise on/what are the limits of your pragmatism? contracts are not about a company giving you everything you want out of the goodness of their heart - it is always a compromise. pragmatism has to be a part of the equation.
so, with that said, I'm going to play a little devil's advocate here, and a) try to find the good/the pragmatic and b) catastrophize the worst case scenario. but first, it might be handy to look at this SAG infographic for some basic definitions. let's go.
the AI good
a ton of stuff here requires consent. that is not a small thing, and the consent continues even after your death (whether it was a yes or no; though this can be complicated by your estate/your union)
the language does establish that the consent must be a separate signing from the employment contract, even if its in the contract, which is great (but more on that below - timing matters)
actors often do get paid for use of their digital replicas, though it's different based on the use/type of replica.
the actor must be provided with a "reasonably specific description of the intended use". this language is vaguer than I would like, because it allows producers to decide what "reasonably specific" and "intended" means - there's always going to be some vagueness when it comes to this specific thing, but a good start would be for producers to require not blanket consent, but conditional consent for each significant use of digital replicas.
if the replicas are being used in other mediums, that must also be consented to, thank god.
replicas cannot be used in place of background actor counts on a given day - if I'm understanding this correctly, this means a production can't just have a bunch of fake background actors by themselves, they have to engage real people up to a certain number first (which in this new contract is 25 for TV and 85 for movies). we're already filling in background with digital people or copy-pasting of the same crowd over and over and have been doing so since at least the late 90s, so it's good we're continuing to put up boundaries around that.
the AI "...hm..."
it's unclear (to me) when an actor can be asked to consent. IMO, everything is meaningless if the consent is happening as part of regular contract negotiations. these things have to happen when - and only when - the actor has already been engaged in a role and feels empowered to say no
the use of independently created replicas (replicas pulled from existing footage, not created by the actor) being allowed without consent under first amendment reasoning - this is obviously concerning a lot of people bc first amendment arguments are so broad. that said, there's a pragmatism part of me that understands this is already happening/has been happening for a while and used in ways I think are perfectly fine - I was just watching the new episode of For All Mankind (one of the best TV shows right now!) and it's an alternate history, which meant that in the opening scenes of this season they had some bonkers good deep fakes of Al Gore saying stuff he never said. I think that's okay to do in a fiction show that imagines a different US history! "but Lauren", you might be saying, "Al Gore isn't a member of SAG!" are you sure? are you positive? because I'm pretty certain he is - he was in several episodes of 30 Rock, way more people are in SAG than you think (every NPR reporter for instance), and the two worst presidents we've had in the last 50 years (yes, those ones), are both definitely members of SAG (even if one is dead). now, the other side of this is that public figures like politicians are under a different social contract than actors, and if they wanted to sue, they could, unlike the average SAG actor who might have their image abused. this is why this is in the "hm" column - deep fakes and parody/satire/commentary use of replicas is already here and there's always going to be a 1st amendment argument to make, so we need to figure out how best to limit those and protect the most vulnerable.
alteration: with this language, a project can digitally alter without consent if the script and performance stays "substantially" the same. again, this language is too mealy-mouthed. I don't know that I have a huge problem with a line of dialogue getting replaced with a digital version of that actors voice if, for instance, a word was mispronounced, or wind garbled the sound or whatever - yes, it would eliminate the need for ADR, but if we put some limit on it like..."if there are more than 5 lines in a given episode/movie that require digital alteration in the service of clarity, the actor must be engaged for an ADR session or paid for the digital replacement" then I could see this being workable. I'm also personally okay with things like costumes being digitally altered but, again, we need limitations on that. digital altering cannot replace the art of costuming but, for instance, if a costume needs to be altered to include a hate symbol or something, I think that's fine (example: I have friends who worked at the VFX house for an alternate history TV show that involved a lot of Nazi costuming and set design - a huge part of that VFX house's job was to put swastikas in places, rather than props making nazi flags. I'm okay with that!) but again, these fringe cases do not a compelling arugment make, and this contract language can be interpreted too broadly for my comfort! like everything else in this "hm" category, I need to see the final contract language to decide.
the AI bad
there's a bunch of circumstances in which actors don't get paid for creating their replica/use of it and those circumstances are too broad for my taste.
synthetic performers - this is just awful. no. no, we should not be allowing AI to generate entire actors. just............no. there's some language about the producers having to talk to the union if the synthetic performer is "used in place of a performer who would have been engaged under this Agreement in a human role" but this doesn't apply to non-human characters so....wouldn't that be all roles?? leaving the producers room to be like "this role has to be synthetic, we never would've cast a human!" is bullshit. also, even if we're having AI create a magical talking unicorn whole cloth (which, like, also no, we have artists for this), that unicorn still needs to be voiced by a human person. this whole section is a disaster.
the exceptions to consent for digital alteration are bad-bad. I talked about the potential ADR replacement above and that has a whole host of issues with it that I didn't even get into, but I can see the argument. the rest are very troubling:
there is an exception under "any circumstance when dubbing or use of a double is permitted under the Codified Basic Agreement or Television Agreement" - okay, so does this mean we can replace dubbing artists and stunt performers entirely? this section is about digital alteration, but who's to say alteration couldn't turn an actor broadly miming a fight into an entirely digital, expertly performed fight that usually a stunt double would have done? with AI translation technology, does this mean we're replacing VO artists for dubs entirely? bad!
similarly, "Adjusting lip and/or other facial or body movement and/or the voice of the performer to a foreign language, or for purposes of changes to dialogue or photography necessary for license or sale to a particular market" - Justine Bateman has a great twitter thread on the terrible puppetry potential of this but I want to draw attention to the particular market bit - we all know that selling to china is such a huge part of studios' strategies that they'll remove entire scenes or lines around queer stuff. to me, this clause makes all of that so much easier. I know the argument here is going to be "we can replace swear words and license it for kids!" which.......sure? fine? but, uh, we already have ways to deal with that? and the potential for abuse here is terrifying to me. with all the digital alteration stuff too, there's just so much icky implication for the beauty/body standard to get so much worse.
if a background actor’s digital replica is used in the role of a principal performer, they'll be paid as if they actually performed the days for that role, which, sure, but uhhhh why are we saying it's okay for a digital replica of a background actor to suddenly be a leading role!?!?! I can't think of anything more demoralizing than going to set to act in background (a job I've done! an important job! a fun job a lot of the time! but creatively limited) and then getting a much bigger role (the dream!) and.....not being able to, you know, act that role or be in scenes with other principal actors or do the thing that you've dedicated your life to doing. nightmare stuff.
woof. there's so much more to say but I'm going to leave it there. these are the concerns I'm going to go into SAG's meetings with, and the concerns I'll be considering as I decide how to vote. I know there are things I didn't address and very possibly things I misinterpreted or misrepresented - if you're an actor, I highly recommend a) reading that Justine Bateman thread and b) attending SAG's meetings to ask questions and express your concerns. and I'd love to hear what y'all think! my ask box is open.
#sag aftra#sag#sag strike#AI#me: I'm just gonna look through the terms#me: I'm just gonna do a quick write up before starting my day#clock: it's been almost two hours#not to keep hammering at the 'this is not me saying that I am correct or that I've made up my mind' bit#but this is the piss on the poor reading comprehension website so#I'M NOT SAYING I'M RIGHT#TAKE ALL THIS WITH A GRAIN OF SALT#i mostly have questions and concerns and am pleasantly surprised at some stuff#knowing that there *is* a degree to which we will have to compromise#and I'm WILDLY concerned about other stuff#would love to hear what other SAG members think#lauren takes too long to say things
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First things first, in love with your writing style! Have a little request for you: teenage!Elvis taking a bubbly!bookworm! reader to a high school dance at Humes. The reader lives at Lauderdale Courts as well and he often spots her reading on the grass in front of the building. The two bond increasingly over books (he could listen to her enthusing over novels for hours) and this led to his asking. A very cute, softhearted romance overall. Thank you, let me know what you think! 💜
i love this request sm, it was meant to be short but i got carried away and now it's the longest request i've written! 🧚
🧚🏻 Masterlist 🧚🏻
word count: 4,762
pairing: 50s elvis x bubbly, bookworm female! reader
Oh Lord, Elvis adored you. You were practically the human version of a golden retriever and he thought you were awful sweet.
Elvis had a tough time at high school, he was a bit different, he liked to style his hair differently and enjoyed different music to most of the folks at school. Girls loved him, but finding friends was a challenge.
It meant that Elvis was fairly reserved, which was often mistaken for stand-offish and intimidating, when actually, Elvis just wanted to make sure he was surrounded by kind people.
Your mother and father had warned you about the boy from Lauderdale Courts, the one that looked "rebellious" and sinful, even if they actually quite liked Gladys and Vernon Presley. But you knew that Elvis wasn't a mean spirited person, he'd never made fun of you at school like some other people had, when he'd had every opportunity to do so.
You didn't let mean comments from school get to you. You knew that it was just a reflection of the whoever had said the nasty words and that they'd learn better eventually. That's what your book had told you, all the characters that had been the subject of harsh words never let it get to them and you decided that you wouldn't let the words get to you either.
You loved books, they were your passion and you would rarely be found without a book in your hands. Between classes, at the breakfast table, on the lawn in front of Lauderdale Courts, you always managed to find time to start reading your latest favourite novel.
And that's how Elvis first approached you, on the lawn of Lauderdale Courts, under your favourite tree with your nose buried in a book. You hadn't even noticed him standing over you until he coughed to get your attention.
Elvis had been through a rough day, he was graduating high school along with you, but he'd started talks with a record label and there was a possibility of even touring and performing some songs. It was exciting albeit stressful and there were a lot of people applying a lot of pressure onto the young star.
Elvis just wanted to relax when he arrived home after some meetings, to unwind and calm down a little, and when he spotted you basking in the warm, golden sunlight, giggling adorably at the book, he figured that whatever happiness you held was infectious - and he walked over straight to you.
He'd always noticed you but you'd never exactly paid him much attention as your stories were your top priority.
"Hello darlin'," Elvis said, crouching down by you as you peered up at him, squinting a little to avoid the blinding evening sun. "Mind if I join ya?" He asked.
You were a little taken aback at first, no-one ever approached you, especially when you were reading and you knew that Elvis was popular with the girls at school, so you wondered why he wanted to spend time with you. Nevertheless, you didn't question it too much, he was friendly enough.
"Sure!" You smiled, turning your head back to your book in your hands, it was Little Women, a book you'd read before but you really couldn't get enough of it, this must've been the fourth, no, fifth time you've read it?
"You're Y/N right?" Elvis interrupted, making you turn your attention back to him.
"Yup. You're Elvis Presley." You said softly.
"You know who I am?"
"Sure, you're in my History class, you sit next to Jonny Albright. You live on the floor above me!" You said gently.
"And you're the girl who loves books ain't ya?" Elvis pointed out, not in a mean way, just observatory as he laid down on the grass, propping his upper body up by leaning on his elbows as you sat with your back leaning against your favourite tree.
"Guess I am." You giggled. "Do you like books?" You asked after realising that Elvis was wanting a conversation.
"Sure I do, maybe not as much as you do, but I like 'em, I see you a lot out here readin' y'know." Elvis said, making you feel an odd sensation for the first time and you blushed a little at him admitting to noticing your habits.
"I love books and stories, my Momma and Papa, they say that it's good to read but I gotta try to make some friends more and I know they're right but I just can't help it, I start readin' a book and I can't put it down until I know what happens at the end!" You said with a soft smile, you did want some more friends but you felt like you found friends in the characters of all the stories you were reading and you didn't actually mind if they weren't exactly real. You looked up at Elvis who was just watching you with sheer interest and intrigue. "You know, my Papa even put me on a ban from buyin' any new books the other week. I just been readin' all my old ones all over again." You confessed.
"So that one ya got there, that ain't a new story?" Elvis chuckled, you were very sweet, he was starting to regret not having approached you sooner. His thoughts about his meetings were already slipping away.
"Nope, this is my favourite book, it's Little Women, have you read it?" You asked.
"No, but I'd like to, when I got some more time maybe." Elvis said, he wasn't exactly sure if he would like to read it, he didn't really know what it was about truthfully, but he was starting to like you a little already, and when your face lit up with a smile at him suggesting he might read your favourite book, he knew he'd said the right thing.
"Oh wow!" You said, excited at the prospect of sharing your love of books with someone. "Well, I'd let ya borrow this copy but my little dog, Basil, he tore out a few bits of a few pages, it's not too bad because I've read this maybe five times or somethin' like that, so I can understand the missin' bits, but it might not make sense otherwise. But maybe, um, maybe you could try the school library! I could even look for you tomorrow at school if ya wanted me to! I really wouldn't mind!" You said, beginning to ramble, but you were just so excited.
"That copy is sure lookin' worse for wear sweetheart." Elvis chuckled, the spine was torn and chunks of pages were missing and you'd sure like a new one but your Papa was right, you couldn't be spending anymore money on new books.
"I know, but it's my favourite story." You said fondly. "The main character, Jo, well she wants to be a writer ya see, and that's kinda what I wanna do when I grow up, maybe." You confessed.
"A writer say?" Elvis said, raising an eyebrow, impressed.
"Uh-huh! A writer! I ain't written much yet but I got dreams and I got ideas and I think maybe, one day, other people would like to read what I got to write." You told him eagerly.
"I'd read anything you wrote darlin'." Elvis said, being simultaneously flirtatious and sincere.
You blushed at the words, no boy had ever said such kind words to you, let alone one as handsome as the one laid out in front of you.
You babbled on some more in the sticky summer air, explaining why you loved certain books, giving Elvis recommendations and answering all the questions he had - which were a lot. It was only when your mother hollered at you from your window that you had to bid Elvis goodbye and scurry in for your dinner. Elvis watched you dash away, turning back whilst running to give him a wave, knowing he was smitten with you.
You were adorable in every sense of the word, cheery, chatty and charming. It didn't hurt that you were awful cute looking too.
After spending all night thinking about your amazing evening with Elvis, you decided to make a beeline for the library during school the next day. You loved the library and librarians and whilst you wanted to be a writer, you sure did want to be a librarian too. The idea of looking after so many books and being surrounded by like-minded bookworms was such an exciting idea for you.
It didn't take you long to find a copy of Little Women and you took it out straight away. You didn't really know where Elvis would hang out but you decided to wander around the hallways looking for him.
You eventually found him, standing next to what you assumed was his locker. He was chatting to some friends who you would later come to know were Billy and George. Tentatively, you approached him, tapping his arm to get his attention. He turned around, looking down at you with a smile when he realised who it was.
Standing next to him, you couldn't help but notice how tall he was compared to you, you felt so little and the way he spoke to you sometimes made you feel that way too.
"M'sorry, I don't wanna interrupt," You said as you realised he was in the middle of a conversation.
"Not interrupting anythin' important sweet thing," Elvis said, making you blush at the pet name. "Billy, George, I'll meet ya at gym." He said, dismissing them before turning his attention back to you.
"I just went to the library, they had a copy of Little Women, well actually they had three copies, can you believe it!?" You enthused, making Elvis chuckle at how cute you were. "Well, um, anyways, I got one for ya, I figured you might be busy, my Momma said last night that your Momma told her that you got a lotta meetin's and stuff so I thought I'd get ya this! You don't gotta read it but it's real good!" You explained, trying to catch your breath from speaking so quickly.
You were a little nervous in front of him and you weren't sure why, he was very attentive in the short time you'd spoken to him, he didn't make you feel bad for being a bookworm, so you were a little confused at your feelings. You supposed you just didn't want to bore him.
"Slow down lil' mama, you gotta catch some air honey." Elvis laughed at your rambling and you giggled. "But that's awful thoughtful of ya honey. Y'know what I'm gonna do?" Elvis said, as you shook your head, waiting to find out. "I'm gonna come join ya after school by your favourite lil' tree and read some of this with ya, if that's okay of course, I know it's ya favourite lil' spot." Elvis said, as you placed the copy in Elvis' large hands.
"Of course it's okay Elvis! I'd really like that y'know! Oh! It will be like a mini book club, kinda! I always wanted to go t'one of them! We could talk about our favourite characters! I mean ya already know that mines Jo, but you might have a different favourite, I like Laurie a lot too, actually, I kinda like all the characters in a way!" You babbled, beside your little self with joy at the prospect of Elvis reading with you.
"This is awful kind of ya, baby." Elvis acknowledged.
He really was taken aback at your gesture. Lately, he'd been in many situations where people were looking to see what they could get out of him and he was finding it difficult to trust people and accomodate everyones expectations of him. It seemed like you were something of a little guardian angel, finding him at just the right time, with no bad intentions, just a whole lotta love.
"S'okay! You got three weeks until I gotta give it back or renew it but Barbara, the librarian, she's real nice and she lets me keep 'em for longer sometimes, especially when they're my favourites, so, um, so you don't gotta read it right away or nothin'!" You insisted, not wanting to pressure him.
"Thank you, Y/N, I mean it, this is awful kind. I gotta get t'gym, but I'll catch ya by your tree?" Elvis checked, he really wanted to spend his time with you. You were oh so bright and bubbly and it just radiated off you, onto him.
"Sure! Bye Elvis!" You beamed, waving at him again cutely, dashing off, not wanting to waste any of your recess time away from your books.
Elvis watched you leave once again and he shook his head, he was falling and falling hard.
Like clockwork Elvis met you by your tree. You were dressed in your little linen white dress, a smock scarf around your hair, protecting your head from the beaming sun and your bare feet with rested on the cool grass as the sprinklers would dust you with droplets of water, instantly cooling you down from the heat. You were practically in heaven, but the heat was a little much for you, even though you usually loved it. It had just been a tough day of classes, you were finding them a little harder as they went on, so you'd concentrate extra hard, giving you a bit of a headache. Mixed with the head, you were finding the words on the page a bit challenging to focus your attention onto.
"Hey darlin, how's ya book comin' along? Think you can guess the ending yet?" Elvis teased, knowing you'd read the book a million times over already.
"Can't really focus, my head kinda hurts." You admitted, feeling kinda frustrated. All you'd been looking forward to during those difficult classes was coming to your tree to read and now your head wasn't letting you.
Instantly, Elvis' protective and attentive attitude kicked in, he was already feeling attached to you and he just wanted to make you feel better.
"Shit honey, can I make you feel better? Can I get ya anythin'? You want some lemonade doll? My Momma just made a whole jug, it's real nice, a bit sweet but you'd like it." Elvis said, suddenly quite worried about you.
You couldn't help but softly giggle at his reaction. You hadn't actually heard anyone you knew curse before, you'd heard strangers do it but never someone you were friends with. "It's okay Elvis, just a little headache from school and the sun s'all. I just wish I could focus on my book, I'd been looking forward to it all day." You said, gazing up at him, admiring the golden glow the sun was giving him.
Elvis instantly removed the light jacket he had on, he didn't need it in this heat anyway. You watched him curiously as he draped it over one of the branches of the tree, offering you a decent sized patch of shade near where you were sitting. Elvis moved to sit down by you, taking the copy of Little Women that you'd got him earlier in the day, with the patch of shade covering his lap.
"Here, lie down honey, it'll help stop the headache if ya rest, you can put ya head on my lap like it's a pillow or somethin', so it's in the shade. Y'know if it's a bit cooler, it'll help stop the pain?" Elvis cooed. "And I can read the story to ya, as long as ya don't mind me startin' from the beginning?" He quizzed.
You felt those funny feelings coming back into your body again, making you feel happy, fuzzy and confused all at the same time. You obediently laid down, resting your head in Elvis' lap as he smiled lovingly down at you. You'd never been so intimate with a boy before, but you felt like you'd known Elvis so much longer than just a mere 24 hours, and Elvis felt the same way too.
The pair of you had such a kinship already that it was hard not to feel utterly relaxed in each others company.
"See? Not so bad is it?" Elvis said, tenderly brushing some hair away from your face that had clung to your temples from the summer air.
"It's nice." You said quietly.
You turned your head to look out at the lawn, watching as the sprinklers periodically spun around, hydrating the surrounding area. It was relaxing to watch as you listened to Elvis' deep voice reading you your favourite story.
You never wanted the moment to end, you finally found a friend who wanted to love everything you loved, and you were in nothing short of paradise.
It was near the end of Chapter 2 that you dozed off in the golden, evening sun, the droplets from the sprinklers hitting your exposed, tanned legs as well as the white little dress you had on, making your thighs appear through the damp wet fabric.
Elvis stumbled on his words after his eyes caught the sight, you were everything he wanted and he wanted all of you.
He paused, noticing the way that your chest rise and fell peacefully as you slept, completely relaxed and headache-free after everything Elvis had done for you. Elvis continued reading the book in silence, enjoying the story and realising why you loved it so much.
It wasn't until a while later that your Momma hollered for you yet again, signalling that your supper was ready, that Elvis pried you awake, your cute little whines making him smile.
"Aw, I'm sorry lil' mama, but you gotta go feed that belly of yours." Elvis chuckled softly, as you pushed yourself up from his lap, a grumpy yet adorable little pout plastered on your face from being woken.
"I gotta go already?" You mumbled sadly, realising you'd drifted off during your time with Elvis.
"Afraid so baby, but we can do this again tomorrow, we can do it whenever you like, kid." Elvis insisted, hoping that you'd ask him to spend every waking second with you.
You nodded, rubbing your eyes.
"You feelin' better now darlin'?" Elvis checked and you gave him another sleepy nod of confirmation.
"Uh-huh. Wanna stay with you." You said shyly.
"I know doll, I wanna stay with you too, you gotta go get your food though, otherwise you won't have any energy to read all your stories." Elvis said and you nodded, knowing he was right. "C'mere." Elvis said gently, opening his arms, indicating for you to let him give you a cuddle - one that you needed right now.
Despite being hesitant, you'd never actually given a boy your age a cuddle, you molded yourself into his arms, relaxing with a soft sight, inhaling his scent of Old Spice aftershave.
"Catch ya later, kiddo." Elvis smiled, kissing the top of your head, making those funny little feelings escalate.
"Ba-bye Elvis." You said, adorably, making Elvis' heart flutter. You were just precious.
Days turned into weeks, and every day after that you and Elvis would meet outside Lauderdale Courts, reading and chatting. He wouldn't often say much, he just loved listening to you enthusiastically babbling away at the current book you were reading. He was impressed at the speed of your reading, you could put away a short novel in an afternoon sometimes and Elvis would try to keep up with you but you'd read more than anyone else he knew.
He loved listening to you every day until you were called in for your dinner. His feelings for you were growing stronger with every word that came out of your mouth and the same went for you, you figured you maybe had a crush on Elvis and you really did hope that he liked you back. He'd never made you feel like a weirdo for being a bookworm, in fact he tried to emulate your passion, just to be able to spend time with you which you thought was awful sweet of him.
You would both look forward to seeing each other in the late afternoons every day, watching the clocks go by in the classroom and counting down until you saw each other. You'd even started walking home together, sometimes Elvis would even drive you if he'd gone for another meeting, which was a special treat for you.
It wasn't until a couple of months later in mid-July that Elvis finally mustered up the courage to ask you a question that had been on his mind after your head hit his lap on that second day, all those weeks ago.
"Y/N?" Elvis said, taking the book that you were reading out of your hands and placing it down on the grass. Elvis was sat against the tree, with his legs opened wide so you could sit in between them and rest your back against his chest.
"Hey!" You said at him taking away your book, you were just getting to the good part.
"I gotta question for you, it's serious now, I'll give you your book back in a minute but you gotta listen to me carefully honey." Elvis said as you sat up and turned around so you could look directly at him, curiosity painting your face.
"What's wrong? Did I give ya a bad book? I can replace it if ya want? Or are you sick? That can happen with the heat remember! I can try and make some shade if you are, or get you some water! You shouldn't be out here if ya-"
"Baby, I'm okay, you just gotta listen, okay?" Elvis said, taking your little hands in his large ones as you watched him intently. Elvis sighed deeply, his nerves getting a little better of him. "Here goes nothin'" He said, partially to himself. "Y/N, I wanna take you to the dance next week. What do ya say?" Elvis said, watching for your reaction.
You felt your heart skip a beat. You had decided you weren't going to go, even if secretly you'd wanted to. You knew it'd be filled with couples and you hadn't really wanted to surround yourself with that if you were going to be on your lonesome.
"Can I bring my book?" You asked shyly and Elvis beamed.
"Of course ya can, sweet thing. Can I take that as a yes?" Elvis chuckled, petting your soft hair.
"Uh-huh!" You giggled, biting your lip excitedly. "Oh boy, I've never been to a dance, I know there was a Spring one last year, but I just didn't have anyone t'go with, and I kinda, actually, no I wanted to go real bad to this one! And I didn't really wanna go with just anyone either ya see, but I just would've thought you would've had loads a girls to ask, I see girls tryna talk to you all the time at school! Especially Sue-Ellen, she sure does like you, sometimes it makes me feel-" You paused, realising you were rambling and maybe saying just a little too much.
"Makes you feel like what, little un'?" Elvis asked curiously. He thought Sue-Ellen was nice, sure, but he and her only talked so much because the pair of you were partners for a Lab test.
"No, it's silly, forget it." You said, brushing it aside.
"No, I wanna know Y/N. How does it make you feel when you see me talkin' to other girls, tell me." Elvis insisted, starting to enjoy seeing you wriggle around. He knew what your answer would be, he just really needed to hear it.
"It makes me, I don't know, I guess, it just makes me sorta wish that, sorta wish that it was me that you were talkin' to," You said gently, looking down at your lap as your sun-kissed cheeks started turning a little pink. "It makes me sorta, maybe, jealous." You practically whispered, but Elvis heard every word.
Elvis took your cheeks in his large hands, lifting your head so you would look directly at him.
"You know you're my number one girl, don't ya?" Elvis grinned, making your tummy do somersaults. You recoiled with giggles at the words, you were just putty in his hands at this point.
You ended up chatting away as the evening drew on, telling Elvis about the perfect dress that your Momma wore to her own dance, you'd actually tailored it a little so it would fit you and be able to attach a corsage onto it.
When your Momma called for you at the same time as usual, you gave Elvis a hug, telling him that you couldn't wait to go the dance with him and you thanked him for asking you.
You glanced at him momentarily before pushing yourself forward and placing your pink lips on his cheek, giving him a gentle kiss. It was the most forward thing you'd ever done but you felt so comfortable around Elvis that you didn't mind.
Elvis was a little stunned, he watched you as you giggled and crawled off his lap, running towards your Momma with bare feet on the grass and your dress flying up every now and again, exposing your thighs as usual.
Elvis would be the first to admit that he'd never experienced love in a romantic way but after today, he was sure that had changed.
When the dance finally came around, you were naturally a little anxious, even skittish, constantly fiddling with the corsage that Elvis had given you, as well as the lilac tulle of your dress. Elvis kept reassuring you throughout the evening that not only did you look completely beautiful but that you were both going to have a great time and that there was nothing to worry your pretty little head over.
"Y/N, I wanted to give ya somethin, it's nothing big or anythin' but I wanted you to have it." Elvis said before the pair of you arrived at the dance.
He placed a familiar shaped item in your hands, wrapped up in brown paper with a wonky bow on it. You glanced up at him, looking for him to give the go-ahead to open it, which he did. You didn't waste any time in taking off the wrapping, only for a gasp to leave your pink lips.
"Elvis..." You said, little tears pooling in your eyes, touched at the gift. It was a brand new, latest edition of Little Women, one that didn't have half of the pages ripped out.
"Is it the right one? The lady in the store said it was the best one they had, and I know you love that raggedy old one ya got but I thought my little girl should have one that at least has all the pages intact." Elvis said, hoping that you'd love it.
You'd never had anyone do anything so thoughtful for you before. You looked up at him with your glassy eyes and he immediately cooed. "Oh baby, don't cry now, it's just a book." Elvis said, thumbing away the tears.
"It's more than a book, Elvis, it's the nicest thing anyones ever done for me." You told him with a wobbly voice. Elvis leaned over and kissed your cheek, making you blush. Little did you know, that Elvis went to the store the day after he'd met you and bought that book for you, all those weeks ago. "And I can fit it in my purse!" You said with pride, showing Elvis who laughed at how adorable you were, as you looked forward to taking it to the dance.
The pair of you began to make your way to the dance, with Elvis holding your hand tightly, his thumb rubbing the back of your hand soothingly as you entered the dance hall. Your eyes lit up as you looked around, admiring how beautiful and pretty everyone looked as well as all of the pretty decorations.
"Wow..." You gasped as Elvis chuckled, looking down at you and watching your reaction. "I feel like a real grown up Elvis." You whispered to him.
"Not quite lil' mama, the fruit punch ain't got no alcohol in it just yet." Elvis laughed. "Wanna dance with me?" Elvis offered, leading you to the little dancefloor.
The pair of you slow danced to the music, Elvis occasionally pulling a funny face to make you do that giggle that he would now hear in his dreams, he loved it so much. You felt your spine tingle as he wrapped his arm around your waist.
Neither of you noticed all the eyes on you, the odd pairing of the up and coming rock 'n' roll star student and his little, bubbly, bookworm, but as the night went on, everyone got a little more used to it and no-one even noticed when you two headed off in search of the library in your party dress and Elvis' smart jacket, desperate to curl up together with that sparkly new copy of Little Women that you'd stashed in your bag.
#elvis x y/n#elvis smut#elvis imagine#elvis#elvis fluff#elvis presley#elvis x reader#yandere elvis#baz luhrmann elvis#austin butler elvis#70s elvis#50s elvis#60s elvis#elvis x you#elvis x oc#innocent reader#little reader
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The Sun Always Rises
Pairing: Joel Miller x F!Reader
Rating: NSFW 18+ (please read the warnings before you continue)
Warnings: grab your tissues folks because this is a rough one. Fluff, angst, smutty times but it’s brief, p in v sex, slightly rough sex, this is tlou universe so with that comes infected and violence. VERY IMPORTANT PLEASE READ BEFORE CONTINUING: One of the characters dies and there are some heavy themes implied that comes with that. For the sake of not using triggering words, they seemingly help their death along. It’s not graphic and it’s not done in depth but it’s implied. If that is triggering for you please do not hit keep reading.
Word Count: 4.5k (I believe this is my longest fic to date)
Author’s Notes: The fic the world almost didn’t see. I have been writing this pretty much over the course of the entire show and I thought it would be good as a well I won’t say celebration of the show coming to a close for it’s first season. This is probably the heaviest and darkest thing I have ever written and with that came the nerves of not wanting to post it. Thanks to @clint-aww-no-barton for helping me make is a bit better and talking me into posting it. I am actually very happy with this fic even given what happens and it’s probably one of my favorite things I have ever written. I hope you all enjoy and grab your tissues because you will need them. Sorry for the weird time posting! I didn't mean for that to happen but here we are!
ao3 link
The earth crunched under Joel’s feet. His gun held firmly in one hand, his eyes taking in everything he could possibly see. He always walked behind them so he could watch, so he could keep them safe. You laughed and his eyes snapped to the back of your head. You were holding your stomach, Ellie holding that damn pun book in her hand. Joel couldn’t stop his eye roll but he also didn’t stop the tiny smile that pulled at the corner of his lips. It was you, really, that made him smile, you’d been his only reason for so long.
You’d come into Joel’s life suddenly and unpredictably, like the most beautiful sunrise he’d ever seen. You were the embodiment of sunshine and anyone who knew you would completely agree. Including Joel, despite the dark cloud always over his head. Now he had his own piece of sunshine to push that darkness away. His nightmares had always been of outbreak night, but losing you had become a part of them. Pulling him from his sleep with a jolt. He found himself watching you breathe as you slept, to reassure himself that you were okay. That you were still with him.
You turned and looked back at him, eyes bright with a wide smile, and Joel just looked at you and shook his head. A small smirk formed on his lips. You just about glowed with happiness at making him smile, and you stopped in your tracks waiting for him to catch up. Joel fell in step between you and Ellie. It didn’t take long for him to regret his decision.
“What did the grape say when it got crushed?” Ellie read aloud, a smirk forming on her lips.
“Hmmmm I don’t know what?” You spoke from Joel’s left, your voice bright and already dancing on the edge of more laughter.
“Nothing, it let out a little wine.”
Joel shook his head again as the two started to laugh.
“Oh that’s lame,” you laughed.
“That was pretty lame.” Joel finally spoke and you stopped one, hand going to your chest the other reaching out to his shoulder.
“Ah he speaks!! You hear that Ellie? He has a voice!”
Joel rolled his eyes but as he turned to keep walking, he smiled.
“Ah and he’s smiling,” Ellie smirked, wiggling her eyebrows.
Joel caught her giving you a wink as you fall back in line next to him, smiling proudly.
Evening came almost too quickly but Joel was counting all of you lucky. It was like an answered prayer, seeing the small building in such a rural area. Joel checked the small space on quiet feet, then he motioned you and Ellie inside.
“Ellie you’ll take that room. There’s only one door, so if someone wants to come in they’ll have to go through us.” Joel spoke, his head nodding towards the open doorway.
He sat down his backpack to pull out the little bit of food he had. His mind however was on anything but eating. He wanted Ellie in the other room for other reasons. He glanced at you, watching as you slung off your own pack to pull your own food from it. He watched as you set your book out and your bedroll, so oblivious to his plans.
“We’ll eat a bit and then get some sleep,” he spoke quietly.
The three of you sat around and mostly ate in silence. Peppered here and there with discussion of where you were and how much longer you thought it might actually take to get where you were going. All too soon dinner came to a close and Joel moved to the other room, anxiously waiting for you to join him. He let out a sigh of relief when he heard you speak your good nights to Ellie. You closed the door before turning to him, your soft smile becoming a smirk as you noticed him waiting.
*Reader’s POV*
He looked like he was about to devour you. You felt your self growing wet as you began walking forward. You met in the middle, his hands coming up to your cheeks as he kissed you. Joel always kissed with such passion, that every time it happened it felt like the first time all over again. Nothing was ever slow with him either. In a world like this you couldn’t afford slow love making, but you didn’t mind. Having him in anyway you could was enough for you. His hands were everywhere, feeling every inch of you he possibly could. You sighed against his lips, weak within his touch. He had already laid out a sleeping bag, with your packs close by and pillows made of clothes. He wrapped his arms around you and with great care moved you to the ground. As laid you down his lips finally parted from yours and you both panted.
“We have to be quiet sweetheart, alright?” He spoke in a whisper, so quiet you were sure you were the only person who could have heard him.
All you could do was nod and give him a pleading look. He smirked at the way you silently begged for him.
“Use your words,” he spoke as his forehead pressed to yours.
“We have to be quiet now, please Joel,” you panted out, letting a small whine go at the end of your words.
Joel chuckled as he worked to pull your jeans down and then quickly pulled himself out. He didn’t waste time entering you, and you both let out groans at the feeling. This would never get old and you only hoped, with every ounce of your being, that one day you could share a real bed and take your time. For now you took what he could give, and gave him everything you had. It was quick, hands and lips everywhere. Sweet nothings slipped past his lips as his hips moved, soft but quick. You both reached your highs in, what you swore, was record time. He pulled from you and you wished he didn’t have to. You both fixed yourselves, before he pulled the top of the sleeping bag over the two of you and pulled you close. He kissed your temple.
“Sleep sweetheart. I’ll take first watch.”
“Don’t go yet,” you pouted pulling him close.
“I’m going to wait until you’re asleep. I promise.”
He chuckled and you shook your head, curling into him. It didn’t take long, unfortunately, for sleep to wash over you and take you.
The pencil glided gently across the paper in your lap. Morning light crept between the fraying curtains behind you. It was just enough to make out the man that slept on the floor in front of you. You had woken up several hours to take over watch. You’d kissed him lightly on the cheek as he found his own rest, before checking on Ellie. You’d settled in to lean on the wall under the window and at first light you had started drawing. It was a hobby you did before the world went to shit, but you had started doing it more afterwards. It was a way for you to cope and sketch memories. You even found yourself adding in things that were more normal, to make it look like the life you were living was not what it was.
“How the hell can you even see?”
“Don’t move,” a smile pulled at your lips at Joel’s sleepy voice breaking the silence.
“I need to stretch sweetheart.”
“Just a few more minutes. I almost have it.”
“When are you going to let me see all your sketches?”
“The day I die.”
“That’s not funny.”
“I’m not joking,” you smiled wider now.
It had been a thing for you to keep your sketches on lock down. You didn’t want him to see until the sketchbook was full, and you had a ways to go. You hadn’t even shown Ellie, even with her begging. It was a private way for you to record memories, and you were a little scared of people seeing your work. The day you were gone from this world anyone could have at it.
“I’m done. You may move now, my muse,” you spoke with a wide smile as Joel finally sat up.
“I want to see.”
“Nice try. Not happening. Plus it’s not done. I’ll have to add some more things in later. I’ll go wake Ellie. Get a move on old man and make us some breakfast.”
You stood up, shoving yourself off the wall and opening the curtains. When you turned to leave the room Joel stretched, still half under the sleeping bag, eyes squinting, hand trying to shield against the sudden light. You bent and kissed him, that same hand coming to your cheek. You deepened it, unable to help yourself.
“You two get a room,” Ellie’s disgusted voice broke the two of you apart.
Joel and you looked around before shrugging.
“Looks like we got one,” the both of you spoke and you busted out laughing.
Joel followed and then Ellie’s face broke out in a smile.
“You two are gross but in a cute way.”
“Well thank you kiddo. I was just coming to wake you up anyways. Joel here has volunteered to cook up breakfast.”
“I don’t recall volunteering. I was told I would be fixing breakfast,” Joel gave you a pointed look as he stood up, stretching and moving about to work his muscles.
Ellie made the sound of a cracking whip, which only made you throw back your head in a laugh.
“Oh you know it,” you spoke to her throwing her a wink.
Joel stood there with his hands on his hips looking between the two of you, his tongue pushing against his cheek.
“Are the two of you done?”
“For now,” you patted him as you walked past to gather your things in your bag.
Out of the corner of your eye you saw his face twitch with a smile, as he shook his head before squatting down and fishing food from his pack.
The day had been a slow moving one. You felt like the city had only grown bigger, and the three of you would never reach the other side. You glanced toward the sky, noting the sun was starting its slow decent.
“We need to find somewhere to settle soon,” you spoke as you glanced back at Joel.
His eyes connected with yours before he glanced at the sun and squinted.
“Yeah we don’t need to be out in the open when it gets dark.”
“Where are we going to go?” Ellie spoke as she turned and started to walk backwards.
Joel turned around gesturing obviously around the three of you, “well there are about a hundred buildings around us.”
They gave each other a look before Ellie stuck her tongue out at Joel, and as she turned back around caught your eye and rolled hers. You didn’t stop the laugh that passed your lips.
“Okay children,” you glanced back at Joel, who just glanced up at you.
His brows were furrowed and that pout was across his lips. It was honestly cute and you never stopped poking fun at his grumpiness. It was incredibly true that opposites attracted.
“Alright let’s just pick one and see if we need to clear it before it gets too dark.” Joel spoke as he took a turn, heading for a random building.
Thankfully it wasn’t a skyscraper, which you had always hated staying in, and aside from the usual disrepair, it seemed to be standing pretty well. You pulled your gun from your holster, gripping it in both hands, your knife fixed on your belt. You looked from Joel to Ellie, both taking quiet steps. Joel held a rifle and Ellie matched you with a small pistol. You had talked Joel into giving her a gun, after the two of you were jumped and almost didn’t make it out. You gave them both a nod and stepped forward. It was almost like a dance you had known your whole life. The three of you had fallen into a step by step sweep. It’s almost worked every time, with only very few failures. Joel went one way, Ellie and yourself the other. You breathed carefully, walked quietly and listened closely. You heard them before you stepped around the corner, at least a dozen infected. Gunshots fired behind you somewhere and you only prayed it was Joel as chaos erupted.
The infected moved quickly, screaming as they charged for you. You shot as quickly as you could, trying to take down any that came your way. Ellie moved next to you, panicked words coming from her lips, but you couldn’t completely hear what she was saying. You heard more footsteps behind you and a scream, but you were far too late. The infected woman has you down on the ground in moments and the two of you started to roll. Your gun clattered across the ground, and now your knife was your only option. You tried to get angle it to stab your target but it wasn’t working. You let out a scream, trying to pull Joel or Ellie to you, but they both fought their own battles. Complete fear took you over and you became frenzied. Pain shot somewhere up your side and you ignored it as you stabbed blindly. Then a gunshot. You jumped and the infected slumped against you. She started to tip forward, blood oozing across you, as you shoved her off. You panted, sitting there for a beat, before a hand reached out, Ellie. You took it and she helped you up.
“You okay?!” She spoke.
“I think so, yeah. Thank you. Did we get them all?” You spoke the question as Joel ran up panting.
“Are y’all okay?” He looked between the two of you frantically.
“Yeah I think so,” you breathed. “Do you think we’re clear now?”
You felt the adrenaline pumping through your veins start to fade, and fatigue began to take over far too quickly.
“I think we’re good. I found us a few rooms we can stay in, toward the back. I’m going to set some traps real quick.”
Joel motioned, and you followed him with Ellie on your heels, to a few rooms towards the back of the building. Only one window between the two. Ellie took the room to the back with no entrances, and Joel and yourself took the other so you could keep watch and take anything out before it could get to her.
“I’ll be back,” Joel spoke and you gave each other a nod, before he was gone.
Ellie had already went to her room to settle herself and you stood there looking around. You pulled your pack from your back and jumped as pain ripped up your body. Your brows furrowed and you looked down. You felt your stomach sink and bile rise up your throat. There on your side, under a now blood covered shirt, was a bite. You stared at it for a long moment, your hands trembling as you held your shirt to check the damage.
“Fuck,” you uttered with a tremble, voice cracking.
You had to pull yourself together. You had a few hours and you needed to figure out a plan and, worst of all, you had to figure out how to tell Joel. You looked towards the door he had left out of moments before. Your sadness was not for yourself. You knew this was how most stories ended, and you had always been prepared for it. Mostly content with leaving this world, but since Joel it had been harder. No your sadness was not for yourself, it was for him.
The sun hadn’t completely set yet but your lantern made shadows that danced across the walls around you. The three of you had decided to eat and you nibbled at your food, nerves raw and on edge. You kept staring at Joel taking him in, memorizing him. Ellie too. It was time. You needed to tell them both before it was too late, but you needed to tell Joel first, and alone.
“Ellie can um, can you give me and Joel a minute?” Your words were soft, shaking.
“Sure,” Ellie spoke just as softly, her brows furrowed.
You gave her a look and knowing passed over her features. She thankfully didn’t say anything or give anything away as she walked into the other room. Joel looked at you with concern, and you felt like you were going to be sick before you could push the words out.
“Joel I…” you paused, closed your eyes and took a deep breath. “I got bit.”
It came out in a whisper and you couldn’t meet his eyes, as silence wrapped around the two of you. You were trembling again, tears gathering in your eyes. You finally looked up, and the sight you were met with shattered you completely.
*Joel’s POV*
This wasn’t happening. Not again. No. No no no. Joel refused to believe it, even with the look on your face. He wanted to scream, he wanted to break something. Why did he continue to fail the people he loved? Sarah. And now you. Not you. Anybody but you. The cruel world Joel had been living in just became the true villain in his story. Stealing away the brightest light he had in his life. He thought everything had been okay. You said you were okay.
“Joel, please, say something.” your voice pulled him back and his eyes shot to yours.
Tears spilled down your cheeks now and the sight was something so rare, that it only broke his heart more.
“This…it can’t…I…I don’t understand.” It was all he could say.
Then he broke. Joel was a man that didn’t cry often, and he had only done it a handful of times in his life. He couldn’t find a way to care in that moment. You were up on your feet coming to him, as he stood and pulled you to him. The two of you stood there for a long moment sobbing into each other.
“Is it true?” Ellie’s soft and broken voice made Joel look up.
You turned in his arms and he watched as you gave her a simple nod and then she was reaching for you. She shed her own tears, as Joel watched the two of you hold each other.
“Listen to me Ellie,” you spoke through tears, as you gently pulled Ellie away and bent to eye level with her.
Joel just watched on. His little family broken again by the darkness of death.
“You have to promise me to keep going, okay? You have to take care of him. He’s an old man so he’s going to need you,” a small chuckle from the both of you. “But you keep going and you save this world okay, kiddo? You are so special Ellie, and I’m so thankful to have known you.”
“You’re the one that’s special,” Ellie sobbed out. “This is so unfair.”
Joel watched as you pulled Ellie back to you for a bone crushing hug, he knew had to hurt you, but he knew you didn’t care.
“I love you kiddo,” your words were soft and muffled in Ellie’s hair, but Ellie spoke them back with another breaking sob.
“I’ll leave you two alone,” Ellie spoke as she pulled away.
Joel watched as you stopped her, grabbing her hand.
“Thank you.”
The words were almost too soft for even Joel to hear, but they were full of knowing. Ellie gave you a nod and then turned and went back into her room, shutting the door that still hung on it hinges. Then you turned and looked at him.
“How long do you think you have?”
“Not much longer,” your words were soft.
“How do you want…” Joel let his words die on his tongue, unable to speak the truth of the matter.
“You still have all those pain pills?” You asked and Joel just nodded.
“I’ll take them and then once I slip away you…”
You couldn’t finish the sentence, but Joel knew what you needed. Even though the thought broke him, he knew that you didn’t want to pass from this earth by the hands of anyone else. He would give you every last wish you desired.
“And I…I want you to hold me. I want you to be the last thing I see.”
The words fell from you more sure and Joel just nodded, swallowing back more tears. He fixed the bedding against a wall so you could be more comfortable. He tried not to think too much as he moved, but failed as his mind raced. He glanced over, seeing you pull a full bottle of pills from his pack and your knife. He settled against the wall and you sat to his left but you didn’t lay down yet. Your eyes locked with his. They were so beautiful, a sight he always loved. They were always so bright, so full of laughter, light, life. Even now, through the tears, even with what was happening you still held that light there. Joel always knew you were impossibly happy in a world like this, and it seemed death wouldn’t even dim that completely. You gazed at him for a long moment, before reaching out to cup his cheek. Your touch sending that electric shock through him. Making his heart rate jump. It was a feeling he never thought he would experience again, until he met you. He fell in love almost instantly, and even tried to push you away, but it didn’t work and he finally surrendered. Joel leaned into your touch, memorizing it.
“Joel Miller you listen to me okay?” Your words shook as you held back tears, but he nodded all the same. “Please keep going. Don’t stop living okay? You have to keep going for Ellie. Get her where she needs to go, but don’t let them…don’t let them do anything cruel to her okay? You are a good man Joel. No matter what you think. You came into my life like a whirlwind and you took my heart. It’s yours, it has been and always will be. If you find someone else, please take the jump. Love them as much as you did me. You and Ellie are going to change this world and I hope you find somewhere to settle. I hope you get to do the things you’ve alway wanted. I’ll always be here.”
Joel took your face into his hands and pulled your forehead against his.
“I’ll never love anyone the way I loved you. You were the light I needed so badly in this dark world. I promise I’ll keep going, if for nothing else but you and Ellie. You are such a bright light in this world, and it’s not going to be the same without you. I’m not going to be the same without you. I love you so much,” Joel broke again and you were right there with him.
He pulled your lips to his and kissed you deeply. He put everything he could in this kiss, wanting to make your last moments the best he possibly could. Then you moved away too soon and he pulled you to lay in his lap. You curled into him and let out a sob.
“I’m scared Joel,” you spoke in a whisper, as you looked up at him and the look in your eyes he would never forget as long as he lived.
“I promise it’s going to okay. You won’t feel anything.” He spoke through his own tears.
After, you curled back into Joel’s arms, and he held you as close as he could, your limbs all wrapped up in each other. You kept your eyes on him and his on you.
“I don’t want to go,” you spoke softly.
“I know. I don’t want you to either. I’m so sorry.”
“There is nothing to apologize for Joel, I promise.”
“Just look at me okay? Keep your eyes on me.”
You simply shook your head and the two of you feel into a silence that ate Joel alive. He wanted to keep talking, to take in your voice as much as he could.
“I guess this means you can finally look at my sketchbook.”
Your words slurred now, but you cracked a smile, a chuckle falling from you. Joel couldn’t hold back an answering smile, didn’t stop his own chuckle. It was just how you needed to go out. Smiling and laughing, one last special shared moment. Joel watched as your body fell slack, your eyes closed. Even as your face relaxed, there was still a trace of that smile left and it was all so perfect. You embraced death the same way you embraced life. With a smile. So beautiful. Joel let out a sob, his whole body shaking as he rocked you, his fingers pushing your hair away from the spot he needed to reach. He couldn’t stop the sound of his crying that echoed through the empty building. Once your breathing stilled, he pulled you into him, against his chest and sobbed. Ellie was there a few moments later. She was on her knees in front of him, sobbing as well. Joel and Ellie held you for a long moment, till neither had anything left in them.
“We can bury her in that small clearing behind the building,” Ellie spoke after several long moments of silence.
Joel only nodded. Then he stood, taking you with him. He buried you by lantern light. Then sat there the entire night staring at the dirt covering you. When the sun finally made its appearance, it was only fitting that the light seemed to hit your grave first. Ellie appeared and stuck a make shift cross at the head.
“I thought this was a good place, because the sun will always rise behind her. Illuminating her just like it always did.”
Ellie’s words were soft and she ran her finger over your name before standing. Joel glanced up at her and Ellie outstretched her hand to him, which he took. He walked a few steps before he looked back at your grave.
“Goodbye my sunshine.”
Joel took his first steps out of the building, back on the path he had chosen, without you. He knew it was going to hurt for a long time, but as he and Ellie walked, he knew things would eventually be okay again. You had said that you would always be with him and as the warmth of the sunshine fell over him, he felt your warmth along with it. Joel found himself stopping and facing into this sun, eyes closed and a smile pulling at his lips. You were right, as long as the sun still shown, you would always be here along side him.
Tagged: @jimmythegirl @arcadianempress @discogrrl @immundusspiritu @someplace-darker @thisis-theway @ohpedromypedro @scribbledghost @fioccodineveautunnale @princess-and-pedro @phoenixhalliwell @littlevodka @all-hallows-evie @mack4676 @perropascal @audreyshepbvrn @mswarriorbabe80 @kaqua @novemberrain221
#joel miller#joel miller fic#joel miller x reader#pedro pascal#pedro pascal fic#joel miller x f!reader#joel miller x female reader#joel miller angst#joel miller smut
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State of the Codex October 2023
It's been a hell of a year.
I am still feeling burnt out as far as writing regularly. I have been dabbling. I've written eight monsters so far that haven't been published. But I don't trust myself to be able to keep up a regular schedule for that sort of thing, not yet. I am tired and very stressed by my job, and have had a lot of ups and downs regarding mental health.
But the Creature Codex is still something I take great pride in, and something that I smile every time I see a note. Some folks wrote very nice things when I announced my hiatus, and I greatly appreciate your comments and support.
I am going to start posting reruns again. We're going to go through the fey. And see if reading my old writing regularly and having some sort of queue set up doesn't help to motivate me. And if it doesn't... maybe I just need to hibernate longer. Two months without new content is the longest I've ever taken on this project that's occupied my last eight years (!). It can survive if I have to take more time off.
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Ask the writer ask game! Tagged by @gremlin-bot
1.) how many works do you have on ao3?
8!
2.) what’s your total ao3 word count?
50k!
3.) what fandoms do you write for?
Primarily DPxDC but I enjoy writing DC and I greatly enjoy writing D&D campaigns!
4.) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
Falling in Love (In the Most Literal Sense)
Short DPxDC Prompts
I've Grown a Mouth So Sharp and Cruel (It's All That I Can Give To You)
What the Hell?! (UP FOR ADOPTION)
Dream of a Peaceful Slumber
5.) Do you respond to comments? Why/why not?
I’m simply too busy with my tumblr to respond to people on ao3. If I try to focus on more than one website at a time I’ll lose my mind 😅. I promise I Look at each and every one!
6.) what’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending
There’s a sander sides fic i wrote like 8 years ago that had all of the sides get slowly and very brutally murdered one by one in hella graphic detail. I was trying to experiment with descriptors and visuals at that time. Definitely that one. I don’t think it’s on ao3 but it’s somewhere on my old Wattpad account
7.) what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
Definitely Falling In Love (In The Most Literal Sense) or an unpublished eldritch smut horror DeadOnMain fic that’s forever staying in WIP hell. Falling In Love first and foremost has an ending, secondly they get along and it’s cute :)
8.) do you get hate on fics?
Not really. I occasionally get questions or criticism on my tumblr but that’s either advice or someone wanting answers and that isn’t hate.
9.) Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
I have tried my hand at smut before. Mostly smutty scenes with kinda sorta fade to black, solely because I’m terrible at painting a mental picture for the reader so it always flows terribly. I’ve written that eldritch DeadOnMain thing as I said previously, and some of Jason’s matches Malone persona OF ideas.
10.) do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one?
Somewhere in my WIPs there is a homestuck AU DPxDC fic where DP kids are the humans and DC folks (primarily the teen titans) are the trolls. Definitely that one.
11.) have you ever had a fic stolen?
No fics but I’ve been sent asks that are word for word one of my prompts. I just delete those and go on with my day. Idk I don’t have a tiktok and someone’s probably imitating me on there with my prompts so possibly????
12.) have you ever had a fic translated?
Nope!
13.) have you ever co-written a fic?
Yes!! I’ve Grown A Mouth So Sharp And Cruel (It’s All That I Can Give To You My Dear) (eventually I’ll get around to working on it I have so much stuff going on like preparing to move and finals creeping up aUGH)
14.) what’s your all time fav ship?
Ooooo It’s a solid tie between Kon/Tim and Dave/Karkat. One is my current favorite and the other is one that’s been my favorite ship for the longest time.
15.) what’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?
I have a WIP in my files that’s a DPxDC Dash/Danny fic where Dash is a bomb disposal tech and Danny just moved into Gotham. I have the entire outline written and almost a solid chapter done but I heavily doubt I’ll have the motivation to touch it again.
16.) what are your writing strengths?
I don’t think I have any, (I haven’t written a full length fic in so long I can’t really tell 😅) but I’m very good at setting tone. Idk what do y’all think?
17.) writing weaknesses?
Dialogue. 100% dialogue. It always feels clunky and unconversational whenever I read it back. I swear the second I start writing talking I forget how conversations work.
18.) thoughts on writing dialogue in another language?
I’d probably throw a simple word here in there of the other language if I’m writing a bilingual speaker or ask a pal to help me with translations because I only know English and I know damn well that friends are better translators than google.
19.) first fandom you wrote for?
Sander Sides! I wrote a solid 500ish prompts for that fandom and like 70k worth of fics. It was what got me into writing and for that I’m so very glad.
20.) Fav fic you’ve ever written?
Definitely my Batman mermaid au. I love it to bits and I’m so proud of the designs and I’m always kinda sad that I’m the only one as enthused about this work as I am. None the less I reread it at least every 3 months and it always makes me smile doing so.
Ooo who to tag… @chromatographic @halfagone @susiron
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20 questions for fic writers
Yoinked from the lovely @sallysavestheday and @melestasflight!
1. How many works do you have on Ao3? 65, though one is a compilation of unrelated short pieces.
2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? 199,601
3. What fandoms do you write for? Mostly Tolkien, though I have a few older bits and bobs from other fandoms hanging around.
4. What are your top five fics by kudos? In terms of kudos, my various Kidnap Fam stories are overwhelmingly my most popular:
A Stitch in Time (Elrond's life as seen by a quilt)
And They Looked Up and Saw a Star (Early-days Kidnap Fam WIP)
Root and All (Kidnap Fam feat. Maedhros, Elrond, and botany)
Speak No Evil (Kidnap Fam feat. Orkish lessons)
Little Drop of Poison (Kidnap Fam feat. injured Maedhros and healer Elrond)
5. Do you respond to comments? I try to respond to them all, but sometimes my responses are very late, especially if the comment comes when I'm having a depressive episode or a chronic illness flare-up.
6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Leaving aside unfinished multichaps that will have angsty endings but haven't gotten there yet, it's probably either The Hearts of the Eldar (the Third Kinslaying and all that it entails) or Pain Unbearable (Maedhros' death).
7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Probably Half Past Ten in the Rose Garden (Caranthir/Caranthir's Wife engagement rom-com). Still debating whether I should add another chapter or wrap it where it is.
8. Do you get hate on fics? Only ever on fics featuring Fingon's wife. Some people get real heated about those.
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? I don't, nor do I read it. It's very much Not My Thing. I think the closest I've come is The Bed We Share (Fingon/Fingon's Wife, Fingon/Maedhros), which does have a sex scene, but it's not particularly detailed.
10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? No, though I do enjoy reading them on occasion. I'm going to take this opportunity to recommend Evidence by Camwyn on FF.N, which is the single most delightful crossover I've ever read. (Silmarillion/Discworld)
12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Yes! A kind reader translated Root and All into Russian, where it seems to have been moderately well-received, at least from what I can tell using Google Translate.
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Nope. I suppose I'd be willing to give it a shot, but I do have Very Strong characterization opinions that might make it difficult.
14. What’s your all time favorite ship? Maedhros/Fingon! Though Elrond/Celebrian and Caranthir/Caranthir's Wife are close seconds, and Glorfindel/Erestor and Legolas/Gimli are very old and longstanding favorites as well.
15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Things ain't lookin' good for The Longest Journey I Have Known (Fingon's wife and Celebrian travel to Valinor). I am Extremely Stuck.
16. What are your writing strengths? Worldbuilding, character dynamics, and description.
17. What are your writing weaknesses? PLOT. God, I am so bad at come up with interesting plots. Also probably pacing, I need to improve in that respect.
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I do it rarely -- in fact I think Maps might be the only Silmarillion story where I've done it. I included a Quenya translation of part of a Yiddish folk song, and in that case I had help from the Lizard Council, and particularly from the esteemed and dearly missed Darth Fingon, who looked over my translation and corrected a few errors.
19. First fandom you wrote for? Star Wars, back in, uh, 1999, I think? I've been doing this for a good 25 years.
20. Favourite fic you’ve written? Girl, that's like asking a mother to choose her favorite child! But if I absolutely must pick, it's probably The Flight of Birds, which features Elrond, newly arrived on Balar, dealing with his conflicted feelings about his mother.
Tagging @thelordofgifs, @vidumavi, @cuarthol, @swanhild, @leucisticpuffin, @emyn-arnens, @polutrope, @welcomingdisaster, @zealouswerewolfcollector, @that-angry-noldo, @thescrapwitch, @spiritofwhitefire, @swanmaids, @hhimring, @elfscribe, and anyone else who wants to share -- @ me and say I tagged you!
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Amphibia Band AU Playlists
remember that poll i posted five million years ago about my amphibia playlists? no? well i finally remembered i did that, so here are the playlists, as well as some details about the band AU!
this is the entire 'discography' of the band, from all the albums they made.
this is the first album the girls made - Heartstomper! in the AU, Sasha, Anne and Marcy created a garage band called Sasha and The Sharps and played together often. eventually they were discovered and offered a record label, with Andrias Leviathan as their manager. Heartstomper was a rousing success, but unfortunately at this point the girls' relationship is pretty toxic. Sasha is very controlling, and writes most the songs herself, not letting Anne and Marcy have much input. this leads to the girls deciding to split after the end of the Heartstomper tour.
Sasha decided to go solo, splitting off from Andrias's management and writing her own album all by herself. this album is by far the longest, as Sasha became a little obsessed with the breakdown of her relationship with her friends, and spent a lot of time writing about it. at first many of the songs are very angry, but eventually she begins to realize she was also at fault for the breakup, and the later songs reflect this new understanding. the end of the album is almost an olive branch extended out to Anne and Marcy, asking for their forgiveness.
Anne and Marcy stayed signed with Andrias, becoming just The Sharps (as there was no longer a Sasha involved). with more creative freedom than Sasha used to allow them, they had a lot of fun writing the first half of this album. it has a very different sound to their previous album, with more folk music vibes. however, halfway through writing, Sasha dropped her solo album. the girls picked up on what Sasha was trying to say, but Anne was having none of it. the final half of the album is almost entirely written by Anne, and they are a lot more angry sounding. although Sasha was ready to try and repair things, Anne certainly was not. it ended up being Marcy who got them talking to one another again, after the end of the Curses tour.
after the girls joined together again, they decided to rebrand as The Calamity Trio. they also broke off from Andrias, realizing he was a terrible manager who was only in it for the money. the girls all had equal parts in writing this album, though Marcy's songs are especially prominent. with their rejoining, there are also some feelings being kindled between the three of them. however, all three are too nervous to say anything, worried about the tentative peace of their relationship. this album is an amazing success, and the newly reformed Calamity Trio is more popular than ever.
as they begin to write their fourth album, the girls finally admit their feelings to each other! (this one is my personal favorite). the songs are all about their feelings for each other, and how each of them is navigating this new relationship. at this point they are not publicly dating, but the sheer amount of pining in these songs makes a lot of fans speculate.
this album has a pretty specific theme; it's advertised as a 'blast from the past', with lots of songs in that more rock style than their past album. they also sing a lot about their pasts and their struggles, helping each girl personally make peace with themselves. now that they're older, they're able to look back on their past experiences more objectively, which makes for an incredible album. after this release, the Calamity Trio publicly come out as being in a relationship together!
i am super proud of these albums, and i've put a whole lot of effort into putting them together. i'd love if y'all would give some of them a listen! as well, i have extra details about almost all the songs, like which girl 'wrote' it, how the lyrics relate, etc. please feel free to send me some asks about the albums and songs, or just the AU as a whole! there's tons more i have to say, but i'm trying to keep this post relatively short.
but there you have it; the Amphibia Band AU! six albums altogether, as well as a massive playlist containing all of the songs for a very fun listening experience. seriously, this is my go-to roadtrip playlist; there's so many awesome songs to scream in the car! i'm also in the very very very beginning stages of yet another album, and if/when i finish that, i will post it here.
reblogs appreciated!
#amphibia#sashannarcy#sasha waybright#anne boonchuy#marcy wu#amphibia au#amphibia band au#calamity trio#Spotify
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So, hi! I'm Verne (they/them), practically a queer elder in my 30s, brand new to tumblr (dunno how I ever missed the boat), and I only ever seem to write in the 20 minutes or so between pulling up to work and clocking in, or when I'm putting my toddlers down for a nap but don't want to crawl out of their beds and address the chores I gotta do while they're out of the way. I've written poetry, prose, and roleplayed in the past but got away from it for years and years, and only recently started writing again. I have notebooks and lists of story ideas but the few things I have fleshed out are mostly silly character-based "what if?" scenarios, because those are the most fun to me. Too many of my stories are me simply wanting to write a scene, developing a bit of a world around it, then losing interest entirely. I hope this blog can change that a bit, help me focus on following through or figuring out how to better develop small ideas into something longer.
Interests:
Post-apocalyptic
Near-future dystopias
Scifi/Fantasy (urban) with magical realism
History/AltHistory (especially lesser-known and marginalized stories)
Horror, dark, violent, and mature themes
Queer everything. I can't write heteros to save my life and I'm not all that sorry about it.
Sexy melodrama and smut with too much plot
Fanfiction (I could read/write Fallout stuff all day)
Some Favorite Authors:
Octavia Butler
Nnedi Okorafor
VE Schwab
Starhawk
Madeline Miller
Ta-nehisi Coates
Becky Chambers
Emma Donoghue
Looking for:
Community, inspiration, other writers to follow, and problem-solving tips in storytelling and sticking to stories when things get tough. I really just need some folks to talk to when working through all the things in my head. Open to the occasional tag but I'm not great at responding.
I have plenty more little bits of nonsense in various states of readability, like character backgrounds, alt-ending scenes, slice-of-life banter between characters, etc. These will be posted under the tag #ntzsche misc
Noteworthy WIPs:
Bad Blood - A Fallout Nuka-World fanfic (#ntzsche Nuka-World)
My longest story is a fanfic, but with a cast of characters largely not in the Fallout 4 DLC. I intend to eventually write this in a way that someone who hasn't played the game would be able to easily read.
Lafayette, the son of a 'retired' raider, left his abusive father to find his place in the world and was taken in by an eclectic trauma-bonded found family that inspires him to be a better person and shows him love he is certain he doesn't deserve. When his father comes across them in a raid, Lafayette is given the offer to join him, and he agrees in order to save the settlement and his little brother. Lafayette finds that being with his dad again, and being the son he always wanted him to be, isn't nearly as difficult as he thought it would be. He struggles to maintain the person he wants to be with the person he suspects he is, all while a cast of scheming raiders, wastelanders, and slaves vie for power in the raider city built within the rusted remains of an amusement park.
Salem's Child (#ntzsche Salem)
A background on one of the lesser Nuka-World characters that I got carried away with.
Andrew Rook doesn't look like his parents. He looks like someone they are desperate to forget. Growing up in post-apocalyptic Salem, Massachusetts has it's perks, though. In a fading settlement run by incompetent men who would rather blame the population of feral black cats for their problems than try to solve them, Andrew and his two best friends build a world in their imagination that shields them from the wretchedness of the wasteland and the people they have to rely on to survive.
Hechizo
Another character background that I would love to expand into a few short stories around.
Mateo Zavala was born in the vibrant and tight-knit community of Navarro. His great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother, a pre-war ghoul, is still the ruling matriarch, and it's hard for her not to play favorites when she has over 300 living descendants.
The Crash (#ntzsche Crash)
A what-if real-world rewrite of an event from another story. I just really enjoy writing these two.
Gabe always knew his functional alcoholic roomie would get into a terrible car wreck some day, but he never thought he would be dumb enough to be in the car with him. When the consequences of the wreck threaten to destroy Dave's life, Gabe finds himself doing everything he can to hold those pieces together. The love he harbors for his straight, polyamorous best friend runs deeper than either of them are ready to face, and find that Dave's injury turns their relationship completely on end.
#writeblr introduction#writeblr#writeblr intro#queer writers#lgbtq writer#ao3#wip#creative writing#writing#new writeblr#ntzsche misc#ntzsche nuka-world#ntzsche Salem#ntzsche Crash
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Sugar, Spice, and Everything Ice.
I’ve been quiet this year.
This isn’t to say I haven’t been doing anything, as folks may have noticed. I’ve put up a whole mess of links to the work I’ve been doing in 2023—a grand total of 105 chapters—and that’s what I want to touch base on, at this tail-end of the year.
I found out early on in January that a dear friend of mine, my creative partner and the reason for my Paved with Good Intentions series, passed away in 2021. I’m not sure what it was, but that news hit me in a particular way. I realized that two of the projects in that aforementioned series, Blue Eyes, Violet Eyes and Lightbringer, were unfinished.
That didn’t sit right with me.
I set out to fix that.
There are many projects I’ve started that I never finished, and have been left languishing for . . . ten years? Yeah. Ten years.
That’s just ridiculous.
I decided that 2023 was going to cooperate with me whether it wanted to or not.
So, I bought a day-planner and set to work. Let’s go over the list, shall we?
Coronam Crepusculum
This was first on my list because it was a work that I owed a good friend of mine, who is no longer a regular user of Tumblr. It’s a take on the Soulsborne universe, built around a series of personal interviews with relevant characters conducted by an OC I created specifically for this purpose, Wandulfin of Vinheim.
(the latin title translates, hopefully, to “crown of twilight”)
51,377 words.
Paved with Good Intentions: Blue Eyes, Violet Eyes
The first of the two stories I knew I needed to finish in memory of my departed friend, I resolved to write the 19 chapters required to reach a clean finish line for this one-shot collection of 100 installments. It felt like the right way to go about things, and I think I worked out a lot of important elements of the Kaiba brothers through those 19 chapters.
165,386 words.
Paved with Good Intentions: Lightbringer
The second of the two stories written in my friend’s memory, this is still being published every Saturday. I wrote what amounted to the second half of this story, 55 chapters to be exact, for a grand total of 110 (of which 98 are published as of this post). I think it’s some of my best work to date, and I can only hope my partner would have appreciated what became of it. Have you ever wondered how Seto and Mokuba would react to meeting their parents again? If so, this is the story for you.
Published + Rough Draft: 159,930 words.
The City That Wouldn’t Die
The first full storyline of my personal take on World of Warcraft and my main character’s place in it, this story has undergone a lot of changes since I last touched it. This year, I resolved to end it at a part that made at least some amount of sense, but I won’t pretend that it’s entirely satisfactory. All I can say at this point is that I do intend to come back to Azeroth eventually. And this time, I hope to give my characters the story they deserve.
41,890 words.
Cult of the Dragon King
I’m pretty sure this is the one that’s been left alone the longest; if it isn’t, it’s close. The basic thrust of this story is that Atem failed in his quest to gather the Millennium Items and put them to rest properly, and so it falls to Seto Kaiba to try this time. I could go into detail why I picked Seto to be Atem’s successor, but I think y’all know what to expect here. I picked Seto because he’s my favorite. Anyway, this one isn’t ready to resume publishing, but it has been drafted. Anyone who’s been waiting for this one to continue will want to pay attention to this blog in 2024.
Published + Rough Draft: 175,246 words.
The Lost Dragon's Lullaby
Another AU centered around the Kaiba family (what can I say? I'm a creature of habit), this story wonders what it would have been like if Noa had lived. What if Seto and Mokuba had another brother when they were adopted? What if they had a mother? What would the Kaiba family look like if it were whole?
Approx. 62,609 words.
Watching the Lights Go Down
One of two stories I revived this year, and will resume publication in the new year. Do you Blueship? Do you wonder how Seto and Kisara might interact in the modern world, regardless of romantic intentions? This is the story for you. I took a set of 100 words to use as prompts to build this story, and through these 100 snapshots I think you’ll get a pretty clear picture of how I imagine Seto’s relationship with his favorite dragon would unfold if said dragon was a woman. And his bodyguard.
Approx. 52,789 words.
Letting the Cables Sleep
This is a sister story to the one I just outlined. Taking place concurrently with Lights, this story explores the relationship between Noa Kaiba and Ryo Bakura. Why these two? Why not? I don’t really have an answer, except to say that I found their dynamic interesting. Unlike its other half, Cables is explicitly romantic. So if you’re interested in Domino City’s resident white-haired cryptid hooking up with an android, well, here’s where you wanna go. I used the same list of 100 words, but in reverse order, to build this story.
Approx. 52,708 words.
Butterflies and Hurricanes
The other contender for “story Ice left to languish for the longest time,” I’m not sure I have to explain to anyone reading this why I might have stopped working on a Harry Potter story. Put basically, this story is an exploration into what would happen if a fae prince took an interest in taking down Lord Voldemort, and then settled on Sirius Black as his instrument. It’s a time travel story at its core, with all the nonsense you might expect from such a thing.
Regardless of anything this series’ author might have to say on the matter, my writing this story does not in any way endorse or condone transphobia or any of her other myriad bigotries. I have not given this woman money in 20 years. I do not support her in any way, shape, or form. This story’s completion is for my own satisfaction, and for the interest of anyone who might want to read it. That is all.
Published + Rough Draft: 80,506 words.
The Whitest Lace of Light
A continuation of my pet take on the Bleach setting, focused again on Toshiro Hitsugaya and Rangiku Matsumoto and their Tenth Division. Throughout the 50 chapters of this story, they face off with a new threat to Soul Society as they try their hardest to rebuild after the Thousand-Year Blood War. Throughout this . . . suspense? Thriller? Thing. They come across new faces and old, and might just learn some things along the way. Or something. Look, I just wanted to write one of my favorite ships again.
Rough Draft: 30,033 words.
At Sixes and Sevens: A Prince for His Kingdom
The shortest work I completed this year, but certainly not the least important. This is a continuation of my pet take on the “Kaiba Bros Age Swap AU” as first shown to me by my dear friend @kintatsujo. How might Seto have handled an invitation to Duelist Kingdom if he’d been 9 years old when it took place? What about Mokuba, if he was 15? Shenanigans abound. I hope you like where I took this one, Kinta.
5,000 words.
Last but not least, I resolved to break my record for my longest NaNoWriMo project this year, because I’m ridiculous and don’t know when to quit.
Much like I approached World of Warcraft,I take every MMORPG I play as an excuse to build a story. Nowhere is this more obvious than Final Fantasy XIV. My take on Eorzea and its various magical idiosyncrasies—which I call The Song That God Forgot—set me on a road to 125,000 words this past November.
These projects, alongside various redrafts of my older stories in preparation for what I hope to be 2024’s migration from Fanfiction.Net to AO3, netted me a grand total of 902,580 words written in 2023.
I don’t say this to brag or to pat myself on the back (okay, maybe a bit), but to say . . . just hold on. Keep going. You’ll hit your stride eventually, even if it doesn’t seem like it. I’ve struggled to write regularly and with consistency for a decade now, and here I’ve got nearly a million words in a single year.
I believed in me this year, and I believe in you too.
Keep on truckin’. You’ll get there.
Happy New Year, y’all. I love you.
#yugioh!#duel monsters#season zero#blueshipping#slumbershipping#harry potter#bleach#hitsumatsu#world of warcraft#final fantasy xiv#nanowrimo#au fanfiction#seto kaiba#mokuba kaiba#noa kaiba#sirius black#toshiro hitsugaya#rangiku matsumoto#death cw#2023 in summary#ryo bakura
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2023 top five!
@preseriesdean thought it would be fun for artists/authors/creators to post their favorite five creations this year, and i agree! it can be anything: your favorite posts, fics, art, edits, fanvids, anything!
i saw some folks turning this into a tag game, so here are some tags! @deanwinchesterpregnant @dyed-red @mercette @crucifysam @weirdbrothers @togethertogethersoulmates @pookeenpie
if you end up doing it, pls tag me! i'd love to see y'all's works! :)
-lizzy
so in no particular order, here are the five fics i liked the best/am the most proud of!
considering that everything i’ve written on this account (240k words of it good lord) was published since february 23rd, i’ve got a lot to work with!
i was in the fandom back in 2012-2013 until 2016-2017, and when i rewatched it recently with some friends, i realized just how many words and feelings had been broiling since. i wrote a LOT for spn back in the day (not published, just for the pure joie de vivre), but everything on the ao3 is completely new since feb!
1. tell me, why are you still so afraid?
or, the "what do you want, sam?" fic. this one might be a surprise! it did moderately well, but i'm really happy with it! i love writing weechesters/pre-series, and i hope this fic did them justice! it hit a lot of points i liked, and i had so much fun writing it!! i'm proud of it! :)
2. you're pretty when you don't speak
or, sam's wife pov. i was shocked!!! aghast!!! frankly agog!!! at how much folks loved this one! i had the idea in the shower of all places, lmao, just the idea that wait, being sam's wife must be so lonely. it was not the usual fare (and written in second-person pov), so i was expecting it to gently and quietly flop. but no! i wrote this fic in two sittings at one a.m. the night before a paleopathology exam, so i'm shocked any of it was coherent in the morning. thank you, dear reader, if you interacted w it at all! :)
3. romans 3:10-11
ahh, romans. to other folks that write, this was one of those fics that scratched in my bones until i sat down and wrote it all out. does that sound pretentious? it was stifling; it was all i could think about. even now, i look back on it and feel like there are things that are missing, extended scenes and extra themes that i wished i had teased out. the response was overwhelming and positive and i'm so glad you lot liked it! if you ever want more...idk...lemme know...
4. we didn't get it right, but love we did our best
or, the Heaven fic! this one took awhile to make, and a lot out of me to do! it's the longest fic i've made this year, by a lot! the planning process was a lot of fun (even though charlotte was mostly asleep), and i even colour-coded themes and turning points i wanted to include. the sense of accomplishment when it was done was a great part of this year!
5. there's no such thing as a clean break, when your heart starts bleeding out
or, the stanford!era fic where dean bleeds out on the highway and decides to not tell sam about it. one of my favorite things to write is a character getting more and more out of it as they lose control (or blood), and this one was a fun challenge! i love stanford!era dean, because he's so mangled and angry and sad. i feel like that one tweet that william shatner posted where he said ELECTROCUTE HIM!!! this also feels the most like the things i wrote back in 2014, so it brings nostalgia :,)
this was WAY harder than i thought! i loved and was so proud of so much of my work this year! a top ten would be easier, but i'm happy with this list!
thank YOU for reading! :)
we are holding hands now and there's nothing you can do to stop it. y'all keep this up and we might even have to stare lovingly into each other's eyes.
#spn fanfic#spn fic#sam and dean#samdean#wincest fanfiction#wincest#wincest wednesday#2023 top five list#tag game
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2023 Year Results
I have lost my ranking of favorite Thai BL/QLs that I made during half of the year, so I'm just going to write it anew^^
My Top BLs by the end of 2023:
1. Be My Favorite
2. Moonlight Chicken
3. Not Me
4. The Eclipse
5. Semantic Error (or if we talk only Thai series, then Bad Buddy!)
Honorable mentions: Only Friends, SOTUS, Laws of Attraction, Kieta Hatsukoi, My Ride...
I keep changing the places and Moonlight Chicken held such a strong place in my heart but now I'm also taking into account whether I liked all pairings and characters, so BMF finally took over. But I still can't decide whether The Eclipse is higher than Not Me, I might rewatch it endlessly but Not Me was a cultural reset :D As well as Semantic Error who's done so good and finally broke through the typical Korean BL setting and public's favor.
Bad Buddy has done amazingly as well but there are only 5 places in Top 5 ranking 🥲 I guess, the Our Skyy just dimmed my good memories about it a little bit x)
I love how this year we got shows that have expanded beyond the borders of usual BLs, they added mystery and mystic, action, time travelling, sitcom etc, mixed gentes, kept speaking out about many important things - from marriage legalisation to equal rights - that definitely had its own impact on real life, actors went on many fanmeetings overseas, from West to East, and overall... This was a good year, story and fandom wise.
My Fanfic Statistics
I stopped writing metas and somewhat distanced myself from the fandom when I felt that my views often didn't align with majority (and also got shadowbanned by tumblr?), but I wrote ~ 80k words on AO3 and drew >10-15 arts that I really enjoyed. I still have many wips so look forward to them!
I wrote way too many Only Friends fics whole I watched the show xD This was definitely a show that gave out ideas (and sometimes outrage) and lots of angst.
But Not Me fics are still my number one (though mostly because of all the crossovers with other series I keep writing about)
Also somehow Bad Buddy OT4 fic is now the longest fanfic I've ever written (both in Neglish and my native language). And it's still not finished but tbh even I don't know exactly how it will end, that's how self-indulgent this is but I'm so happy rhat many people were excited about this idea with me!
My Fandom
I also had a blast having various discussions in my own small community and people who wanted to share opinions and watch series together. You guys keep inspiring and supporting me in exploring many ideas, drawing art and writing many fics, I truly admire and adore you all, especially my fam @springkitten @xagan and also @thepancakelady @wereflamingo (I'm surprised how often we agreed with each other on somethjng but that's what makes discussions interesting xD).
Also I want to hug bad buddy server was a joyful discover this year too that inspired me to start learning Thai, our not me server that keeps being my safe comfort space and many hugs to some tumblr folks who I talk in replies and reblogs (I am truly bad at remembering usernames but if I ever chatted with you here, I am definitely thinking about you and your profile picture <3)
Here's to 2024 and more projects
I also started my FirstKhao AU visual novel, and though I thought I would be able to make it in a month or two and then got struck by Health Doing Bad for a long time, I'm definitely determined to finish it next year.
And we keep talking about making Poetry Zines with @springkitten inspired by lakorns/bls we watched and I'd like to try and make it happen 👀
I also want to return to commissions in a better way, because of political situation I haven't been able to continue drawing for my foreign friends but thanks to my other friends who are generous to help me with handling finances for me, I might be able to start drawing requests again! I also spent like 5 months fixing my health that kept me from creating I want to finish old ones and I'm really itching to return to drawings and other projects :D
And I have in my mind mastering pixel and 3d art as a part of my Changing Profession and Career Path in 2024 so let's hope I can lighten up everyone's mood with cooler art and animations 👀
Happy New Year and Happy holidays, everyone!
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happy last mothman memo monday
welp we've reached the end folks
it's sad to say goodbye to this fic but well we were gonna get there eventually weren't we?
I would like to thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for all of the support I've gotten for this fic
this is by far the LONGEST thing I have ever written in my life LMAOOO (when I started uploading chapters it was at 10k words and by the end it's now 12k words 💀)
enjoy :]
#is the end of mothman memo? no#I'm def still gonna draw him and stuff#hell maybe write some small fics with him#but as I said in the last author's notes I'm prob gonna take a mini break from him#what we do in the shadows#wwdits#wwdits fanart#guillermo de la cruz#nandor the relentless#nandermo#laszlo cravensworth#gather around and lend me your time#mothman memo stuff#<- new mothman memo tag!#it was only a matter of time before I made it really XD
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2023 fic year in review
Doing my 2023 fic year in review in February bc that's how things are going in 2024 so far.
Total number of fic: 5 (1 still in progress)
Total word count: 24,217
Fandoms written in: Lewis (3), Endeavour (1), Our Flag Means Death (1)
Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected? Less. Though I didn't really have any specific expectations about quantity, just that I wanted to write things I enjoyed writing regardless of the reception, as opposed to past years when I was fixated on the idea of writing a certain amount of fic per month. 2023 felt much more relaxed writing-wise and I'm also about halfway through a super self-indulgent fic that is probably going to end up being around 20k and I'm very pleased with that.
What’s your own favorite story of the year? The Names of All the Winds (Lewis, James/Robbie, magical realism au, alternate meeting). The aforementioned fic that's half done. I am having so much fun reliving my own holiday on Lake Garda by sending slightly alternate universe Robbie and James there and also writing magical realism which I hadn't done in a while.
Did you take any writing risks this year? I wouldn't call it a risk exactly, but Patterns Unfamiliar (Lewis, James/Robbie, hurt/comfort) was a fun challenge. My writing is usually very visual and it was interesting to have to describe what was happening in the story when the POV character was in complete darkness.
Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the new year? Finish TNoAtW, which I'm actively working on and hope to manage by the end of March.
And I've said this the last two years running, but I really do want to finish the sequel to Lead me wild to your dark roads my Lewis/Shetland xover (currently titled The last place we left off). I did do a fair amount of work on it before I entered the fic challenge that spawned TNoAtW, and wrote a good portion of the Shetland fic interlude that I've realized needs to go between the two stories. So both of those are next in line after TNoAtW.
Then there's the Blackbeard's Building & Renovation fic idea that was spawned in discord, in which Ed is a builder and Stede an interior decorator (each with their own crews) and they are both hired to work on the same house at the same time. Some kind of OFMD/Grand Designs-ish fusion. And, as ever, those three Lewis casefics that are mostly plotted and not anywhere close to completion.
Most popular story of the year? One thing at a time (Lewis, James/Robbie). It was spring, I had allergies, so I wrote a fic in which James had allergies. It seems to resonate with folks :D
Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: Nothing like poetry (Endeavour, post-s6 Ronnie Box angst). It has the least number of comments and kudos, but I don't actually think it's under-appreciated. Ronnie Box ruminating on the terrible mess his life is post-s6 is just very niche.
Most fun story to write: TNoAtW for all the reasons I mentioned above and adding my own photos to it. And it remains fun.
Most unintentionally telling story: I should probably make up another question to go here bc I never have a good answer for this, but The Most Remarkable Thing (OFMD, Ed/Stede, domestic fluff) was basically me putting my love of gardening and living a quiet life in the woods into fic form.
Biggest disappointment: I wouldn't say it was a disappointment, but I really did think I was going to finish the Lead me wild sequel in 2023. I think I'll finally finish it in 2024 though (this time for sure).
Biggest surprise: TNoAtW growing into what looks like it will be the third longest fic I've ever written.
Tagging people just for the fun of it (no pressure though): @bryndeavour, @thankyouforbeingsowrong, @vita-s-west, @mcgstarroar, @mr-iskender, @ronniebox
#fic year in review#inspector lewis#lewis#endeavour#itv endeavour#our flag means death#ofmd#writing#my fic
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Getting to Know Me (and You)
Thanks for the tags, @bazzybelle and @aristocratic-otter. I'm weeks behind on checking tumblr.
1. 3 ships I really like right now: I have had numerous ships I've appreciated or written about over the years. These are three that are top of mind right now.
Maedhros/Fingon: my earliest ship. From Tolkien's Silmarillion. Inspired my deep dive into Tolkien fanfic and the inspiration for the longest fic I've ever written in any fandom.
SnowBaz: Indelible characters who have found a permanent home in my heart. They cross my mind frequently and I always hope they are doing well and finding happiness.
Oliver/Luc: from Alexis Hall's Boyfriend Material/Husband Material books.
2. First ever ship: Maedhros/Fingon.
3. Last song: my daylist on Spotify today was titled "Mountain Music Modern Folk Tuesday Morning.” Last song from that was Hello My Old Heart by The Oh Hellos.
4. Last movie: Wow. It's been a long while since I've watched a movie. Maybe Dune?
5. Currently reading: Just finished the audiobook of Alexis Hall's 10 Things That Never Happened and it's SPLENDID! (new ship alert!!! Jonathan and Sam= JAM)
6. Currently watching: B. Dylan Hollis cooking video on TikTok.
7. Currently eating: Nothing.
8. Currently craving: Pumpkin bars.
I'm not sure if there were tagging rules for this, but I'd love to hear from @giishu @stardustasincocaine @penpanoply @letraspal @kidovna @bookish-bogwitch @fight-surrender @artsyunderstudy
#Tag game#getting to know you
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Fic Stats Meme
Thank you both for the tags, @wanderingnightingale and @aquaticpal! I've been pretty quiet on tumblr lately, so I appreciate that you both thought of me 🥹 🥰
Most hits Before and After [E], this is a post-botw/pre-totk story from Link's perspective. Zelda's flirty behavior suggests they'd had some kind of relationship pre-Calamity, but the nature of their relationship is unclear 👀 Link begins to have vivid dreams of pre-calamity memories that start to fill in the gaps. The story explores Link's memory and sense of self. I think the last few chapters I've posted start to do some interesting things with this exploration. This is my longest fic: it's 164,668 words and 30 chapters so far with ~6 more planned. I've been posting since October 2019, wowie!
Second most kudos Assertive [E] Oh, it surprised me that this is my second most kudos'd fic. This was the third fic I ever posted! It's technically a sequel to another fic called "Progression", but it can be read as a standalone as well. "Assertive" is pure smut. In this fic, Zelda gets hot and bothered when Link is assertive in a royal council meeting. Things... happen... lol
Third most comments Farore's Day on Windvane Lane [T] This story was inspired by a real life, comical encounter that occurred on Thanksgiving Day. The whole story made me wonder, "Can I make this Zelink?" Answer: yes! This is a modern AU where Zelda is a single mother and Link's neighbor. During the Farore's Day holiday, she knocks on his door asking for help with something for her own holiday meal. Sparks fly in a cozy holiday setting!
Fourth most bookmarks Asymmetry [T] This is a oneshot set just post-Calamity. The very first night after defeating the Calamity Link is flirty with Zelda, but as soon as the two of them arrive in Kakariko, Link's behavior changes. He becomes unreadable and withdrawn, hardly speaking with Zelda. She, of course, finds herself confused and frustrated. Something happens that forces them to finally talk and the truth of Link's distance finally comes out. Fluffy, young love in this story :)
Fifth most words Under the Surface [M] Oh, this one has a special place in my heart. This is a oneshot set post-Calamity. Zelda finds herself disappointed at how little Link remembers despite all his efforts to get his memories. A barrier goes up between them, causing their dynamic to be tense. Eventually, that barrier begins to come down and a breakthrough moment occurs when Link pulls Zelda into the woods to show her a cicada shell.
Least words composing our future [G] @ravenmist4 started this fic where Zelda writes a letter to Link! Raven asked if anyone wanted to collaborate and I jumped in :D I found Raven's letter written by Zelda to be so compelling and sweet that I couldn't help but think about what Link's own letters would be.
No pressure tags (sorry if folks have already been tagged!): @ravenmist4, @themarydragon, @bhujerban, @airplanned, @spicychestnut, and anyone else who'd like to play!
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