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#fluff rp starters
alyxovert · 2 years
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⊱┊dialogue : found family
latibule (n.) • a hiding place; a place of safety and comfort
change pronouns/tense as needed!
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“y’know i love you, right?”
“you’re not alone.”
“i trust you.”
“i got your back.”
“you’re like the sibling i never had.”
“we’re more than friends. we’re family.”
“you’re my family.”
“you mean so much to me.”
“you’re all i need.”
“you’re all i have.”
“you’re not leaving, right?”
“everyone else left/died… i can’t afford to lose you.”
“can i have a hug?”
“you could never be my insert family member.”
“i’m sorry. it’s just been a long day.”
“i can’t sleep.”
“insert name just kinda… hurt my feelings.”
“i’m sorry about that argument/fight..”
“i don’t deserve you..”
“family?”
“back in my day–” (for bonus points: “ughhhhh”)
“whoever ate my food is about to fucking DIE.”
“don’t you DARE slam doors in my house!”
“insert NAAAAME! they’re picking on MEEEE!!”
“who drank all the GODDAMN milk?!”
“can you help me with my tie/zip me up?”
“can you help with my homework?”
“in a mood for a movie night?”
“thanks for… well, everything.”
“i love you.”
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these starters are kinda… eh? they’re rushed… but that doesn’t mean i didn’t try! hope you enjoyed!
[requests : temporarily closed]
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noahsresources · 10 months
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in case you didn't know
for muses who need to share some intimate thoughts with one another. can be platonic, romantic, familial ... works with any kind of dynamic really. feel free to change pronouns, descriptor words, whatever you may need!
❝ you know i love and care about you, right? ❞ ❝ ... i guess i'm just scared of losing you. ❞ ❝ i don't like most people, but you're an exception. ❞ ❝ you're not alone. you'll never be alone. not as long as i'm here. ❞ ❝ by your side is where i'm meant to be. ❞ ❝ not one person is more important to me than you. ❞ ❝ i don't know what it is about you, but, you just ... you're the only one who can make me feel like this. ❞ ❝ you're amazing, you know that? ❞ ❝ who has the greatest (friend/brother/sister/sibling/parent/etc) in the world? me, that's who! ❞ ❝ i'm only managing to stand here on my two feet because of you. i made it because of you. ❞ ❝ i don't know how i'm ever going to be able to repay you. ❞ ❝ i know for a fact that you're special. i can feel it. ❞ ❝ you've actually made me feel like a person again, like i'm ... normal. ... thank you. ❞ ❝ i used to think that everyone else was just evil and cynical, guided by their own self-interest. that is, until i met you. ❞ ❝ you truly are too good for this world. ❞ ❝ i'm always blown away by just how talented you are. ❞ ❝ you deserve so much more than what you were given. ❞ ❝ nobody i've ever met has been more gifted than you. ❞ ❝ if you ever need a place to stay, let me know, okay? ❞ ❝ you always feel really comfortable and safe to be around. ❞ ❝ i think i have a new purpose in my life. to be with you. ❞ ❝ you have a kind heart. i know you don't believe me, and you try to hide it behind a facade, but i know for a fact that you do, deep down. ❞ ❝ i think you're probably the only one who understands me. ❞ ❝ you're safe here with me. nobody's going to harm you ever again. ❞ ❝ i don't deserve someone as amazing as you. ❞ ❝ i was kind to you because you looked like you needed a friend. ❞ ❝ i'm never leaving you. you're stuck with me. ❞
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scealaiscoite · 1 year
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prompts for sharing a bed ˗ˏˋ꒰ 🐚 ꒱
— sharing a pillow and waking up with their faces only centimetres apart
— cuddling in their sleep
— falling asleep to the sound of the other’s heartbeat
— warming their hands by slipping them up the other’s shirt and onto their back/stomach
— playing with the other’s hair while they sleep
— falling asleep with their head laying in the lap of their lover
— waking up to their partner tracing the divots of their spine
— one talking to the other when they think they’re asleep
— waking up in the other’s arms
— resting their head on the other's stomach, only to fall asleep there
— drawing patterns onto their partner's body
— intertwining their legs together
— sleeping back-to-back
— watching the other sleep
— going to sleep as the big spoon and waking up as the little spoon
— one talking in their sleep and the other listening fondly
— lovingly tracing the other's scars
— gently kissing the other awake
— one falling asleep on the other's shoulder while they talk
— massaging wherever is sore
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appocalipse · 3 months
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kiss prompts
feel free to use any of these. ♥
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"Kiss me." "What?"
"Of course I want to kiss you."
"What if I kissed you right now?"
"If you didn’t want things to change, you shouldn’t have kissed me."
"I really, really want to kiss you right now."
"Can I kiss you?"
"On a scale of one to ten...how mad would you be if I kissed you right now?"
"I never said I didn't want to kiss you."
"I think I deserve a kiss."
"I can't stop thinking about the last time we kissed."
"I've been waiting for this kiss since the moment I laid eyes on you."
"You kissed me! You kissed me, how's that not a big deal?"
"You kissed me, remember?"
"I'll give you a kiss if you can guess what I'm thinking right now."
"You can't just kiss me and expect everything to be okay."
"Just one kiss, that's all I'm asking for."
"You can tell a lot about a person by the way they kiss."
"Are you daring me to kiss you?"
"What's stopping us from just kissing right now?"
"I can't believe you kissed me like that."
"I can't stop thinking about that kiss."
"Don't look at me like that if you don't want me to kiss you."
"It's just a kiss, what's the big deal?"
"Let's make a deal, one kiss and I'll do whatever you want."
"You kissed me back, so don't act like it was all me."
"Do you still remember our first kiss?"
"Why do we keep pretending we don't want to kiss each other?"
"You're making it really hard for me not to kiss you right now."
"Let me show you what a real kiss feels like."
"If you kiss me, I promise I'll stop teasing you."
"No goodnight kiss for me?"
"If you wanted a kiss, all you had to do was ask."
"I think we need to talk about that kiss."
"Kiss me and then tell me you don't feel anything."
"You're jealous, just admit it, you want to be the one kissing me."
"Do you ever think about that drunken kiss we shared?"
"How can I focus on anything else when you're kissing me like that?"
"Just because I'm drunk doesn't mean I don't mean it when I say I want you to kiss me."
"Another kiss like that and I won't be held responsible for my actions."
"You say you don't love me, but you kissed me back like you did."
my masterlist | more prompts | buy me a coffee
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poohsources · 1 year
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🐝  *  ―  𝑹𝑨𝑵𝑫𝑶𝑴 𝑭𝑳𝑼𝑭𝑭𝒀 𝑺𝑬𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑵𝑪𝑬 𝑺𝑻𝑨𝑹𝑻𝑬𝑹𝑺.
❛  you look absolutely beautiful/handsome today.  ❜ ❛  i love you more than words can say.  ❜ ❛  i will always be here for you.  ❜ ❛  you are the most important person in my life.  ❜ ❛  i promise to never let you down.  ❜ ❛  come on, let’s get you back to bed.  ❜ ❛  i’m gonna kiss it all better.  ❜ ❛  you’re just like a big cuddly teddy bear.  ❜ ❛  have i ever told you what a beautiful smile you have?  ❜ ❛  shut up and kiss me already.  ❜ ❛  here, i brought you your favorites.  ❜ ❛  just relax and let me take care of everything else.  ❜ ❛  this color really brings out your eyes.  ❜ ❛  will you stay here with me please?  ❜ ❛  do you mind if i use you as a pillow?  ❜ ❛  stop hogging the blanket!  ❜ ❛  i thought you said you wanted to help me with dinner.  ❜ ❛  honey, i’m home!  ❜ ❛  i saw this at the store and thought it would be perfect for you.  ❜ ❛  did i ever tell you how much i love you?  ❜ ❛  you are worth fighting for.  ❜ ❛  i feel like i’m finally where i belong.  ❜ ❛  we should just ditch them and have a night to ourselves.  ❜ ❛  please stay here, i’ve only just started to warm up a little.  ❜ ❛  do you want to go out on a date with me?  ❜ ❛  this right here is why your are my favorite person.  ❜ ❛  you’re so cute when you’re half asleep like this.  ❜ ❛  i prepared breakfast for us.  ❜ ❛  keep it. it looks better on you anyway.  ❜ ❛  go back to sleep. i promise i’ll be there when you wake up.  ❜ ❛  you mean a lot to me.  ❜ ❛  remember we have some plans for later.  ❜ ❛  is it okay if i hold your hand?  ❜ ❛  do you want to stay the night?  ❜ ❛  i think i could live without you ... but i don’t want to. i don’t ever want to.  ❜ ❛  only you can make me feel this way.  ❜ ❛  we should just stay in bed today.  ❜ ❛  i’ll come running whenever you need me.  ❜ ❛  you are perfect to me.  ❜ ❛  i think i might need some snuggle time.  ❜
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nightprompts · 2 years
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&. 𝐯𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬.
(  a  mix  of  angst,  fluff,  and  plot  focused  dialogue  prompts  in  the  form  of  questions.  feel  free  to  change  how  you  seem  fit.  )
❛ what are you listening to? ❜
❛ can’t sleep? ❜
❛ how did you get this scar? ❜
❛ are you sure this is a good idea? ❜
❛ do you mind if i sleep here tonight? ❜
❛ what are you doing out here by yourself? ❜
❛ are you wearing my shirt? ❜
❛ don’t you know what you mean to me? ❜
❛ will i see you again? ❜
❛ are you comfortable? ❜
❛ are you trying to get us in trouble? ❜
❛ do you enjoy playing with people’s hearts? ❜
❛ don’t we deserve to be happy? ❜
❛ why can’t i come with you? ❜
❛ are you here to kill me? ❜
❛ you think i’m jealous? ❜
❛ do you want to share this? ❜
❛ is that blood? is it yours? ❜
❛ how do you know my name? ❜
❛ you’re an asshole, you know that? ❜
❛ like what you see? ❜
❛ was that your first kiss? ❜
❛ are you happy here with me? ❜
❛ sorry, did you want to be alone? ❜
❛ do you want my jacket? ❜
❛ how are you still alive? ❜
❛ you’re beautiful, you know that? ❜
❛ what are you so afraid of? ❜
❛ today isn’t your day, is it? ❜
❛ how does it feel to be in love? ❜
❛ you’ve been crying, what’s wrong? ❜
❛ do you remember when we first met? ❜
❛ isn’t this amazing? ❜
❛ did you miss me? ❜
❛ alright, who am i beating up? ❜
❛ that was a close call, wasn’t it? ❜
❛ am i worth so little to you? ❜
❛ how is it you’re never scared? ❜
❛ do you ever think about the future? ❜
❛ can you look at me? please? ❜
❛ you got me flowers? ❜
❛ well, how do i look? ❜
❛ what aren’t you telling me? ❜
❛ how about a kiss before i go? ❜
❛ you don’t know who i am, do you? ❜
❛ may i have this dance? ❜
❛ who’s going to stop us, huh? ❜
❛ wait, you’re leaving already? ❜
❛ it’s my fault, isn’t it? ❜
❛ have you ever lost someone? ❜
❛ do you think i’m a good person? ❜
❛ what are you thinking about? ❜
❛ is it really you? ❜
❛ what if i hurt you? ❜
❛ if you won’t take care of yourself, then who will? ❜
❛ have you come to laugh at me? ❜
❛ will you still look at me like you do now? ❜
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ghostmemesource · 9 months
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👻୧‿︵‿︵ sweet nothings sentence starters
send in one of the prompts below for my muse’s response. it’s a mixture of platonic, shippy, and smutty. you may specify intentions if you’d like.
❝ you're the most beautiful thing in the world. ❞
❝ let me look at you. ❞
❝ don't hide from me. ❞
❝ tell me that i'm yours. ❞
❝ i want you to be all mine. ❞
❝ all i want is you. ❞
❝ i love you. ❞
❝ you deserve the world. ❞
❝ i'm nothing without you. ❞
❝ i'll do everything to keep you safe and warm. ❞
❝ i can't take my eyes off of you. ❞
❝ in every lifetime i'm yours. ❞
❝ they can try to hurt you but they'll have to get through me first. ❞
❝ i don't care about what you've done. i only care about you. ❞
❝ i don't want to see another day without telling you that i love you. ❞
❝ if i die tomorrow i hope it's in your arms. ❞
❝ i like being this close to you. ❞
❝ you make me feel safe with you. ❞
❝ do you feel the way you make my heart race? ❞
❝ all of my choices led me here to you. ❞
❝ you'll always be safe with me. ❞
❝ i love the way you laugh. ❞
❝ i always smile when i'm around you. ❞
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bookished · 1 year
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“This is all your fault.” “I hope so.”
“Is that blood?” “No?” “That’s not a question you’re supposed to answer with another question.”
“You have no power over me.” “You sure about that?”
“Are you clinically insane or incredibly annoying?” “I don’t know, probably both.”
“Right now, I don’t know if I want to kiss you or shove you off a bridge.” “Can I pick?”
“Don’t you have a country to run?” “My favorite person is in the hospital, the country can wait.” “I don’t think it works like that.” “I run the country, so it does.”
“I was going to ask if you wanted to do me on your desk, but I thought I should say hi first.”
“It’s been so long. I’m probably not interested in him anymore.” “I’ve seen his Instagram, you’re definitely still interested.”
“If you’re going to die on me, the least you can do is look good while doing it.”
“I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
“Why are you covered in neon body paint?” “Best not to ask.”
“No, it’s really not that complicated. He’s a bad person.”
“The king is missing.”
“How could you do this to me?”
“You’ve got thirty seconds to explain to me what you’re doing here.”
“I know this may be hard to believe, but I’m on your side.”
“Never heard of that being used as a murder weapon before.”
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memesofthevale · 5 months
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randomized fluff prompts
send a 🎲 or send ‘dice roll’ receiver generates a number between 1-20 
sender hugs receiver from behind and spins. making receiver's feet leave the floor.
receiver surprises sender with a kiss at the end of their date.
sender brings home flowers for receiver on a regular ol day.
sender offers to sleep in the floor & receiver invites them to the bed.
receiver offers to run to store for sender only for them to go together.
sender picks up receiver because receiver got stranded.
receiver brings home a new pet without notice.
sender gives receiver a particularly special/expensive/hard to find gift.
receiver catches senders hand and pulls them back to bed.
receiver stays with sender after sender has a bad night/day.
sender offers to make dinner for receiver.
sender makes the receiver something for their birthday.
sender takes receiver to a place receiver has always wanted to go.
sender surprises receiver with plane tickets for a vacation.
receiver gives sender a much needed massage.
receiver is crying and sender finds and comforts them.
sender surprises receiver with an at-home dinner and movie night.
receiver comes home to find a note left be sender and a water/nerf gun. the game begins.
sender makes breakfast in bed for receiver.
sender kisses receiver to get their attention.
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userprompt · 2 years
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✷ 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓 𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ; fluff edition ( . 01 )
❝ here, let me hold you. you look cold. ❞
❝ you sleep like a baby, you know that right ? ❞
❝ i'm fine staying here with you, we can watch your favorite tv shows, cook a meal together, cuddles. we don't have to go anywhere. ❞
❝ you're not burdening me, my love. taking care of you is my responsibility. ❞
❝ don't worry, I'll be here when you're awake. ❞
❝ do you want your good luck kisses ? ❞
❝ you're perfect the way you are. ❞
❝ you're really hypnotizing me by your beauty. ❞
❝ i love your voice, it's soothing. ❞
❝ you're warm, i don't want to let you go. ❞
❝ come here, and give me a goodnight kiss. ❞
❝ you seem tired, i can give you a massage if you want to. ❞
❝ i made you your favorite. ❞
❝ sleep, darling. i'll protect you from the nightmares. ❞
❝ let me carry you. ❞
❝ it's okay, I don't mind buying something. ❞
❝ you don't have to talk about it, just let me make the pain go away. ❞
❝ stay here, i'll run you a bath. ❞
❝ rest, let me do the cleaning. ❞
❝ fine, you can hug me for five minutes; but then you have to let me go. ❞
❝ i'm not staring at you, i'm admiring you. ❞
❝ don't go yet, let me hold you for a moment. ❞
❝ don't hide your face away from me, let me see the blush on your face and that shy smile of yours. ❞
❝ i'm very lucky to have you. ❞
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alyxovert · 2 years
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HURT/COMFORT III
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“wanna talk?”
“no.”
“want me to go?”
“no.”
“wanna cuddle?”
“yeah.”
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noahsresources · 10 months
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prompts for muses who are Little Shits™
for all the muses out there who like to mess with others!! mainly meant for platonic relationships, but can be used for romantic & antagonistic relationships as well! feel free to modify any pronouns, descriptor words, & objects for your needs!
FROM THE LITTLE SHIT.
words. ❝ how'd you like the fake spider in your room? ❞ ❝ hang on a second, i'm gonna record this — ❞ ❝ i took 20 bucks out of your bag last night. ❞ ❝ alright, that's it, time for the tickle monster treatment! ❞ ❝ oh, yeah? and what are you gonna do about it? ❞ ❝ i think i might have accidentally just hurt myself again. ❞ ❝ what makes you think you can possibly take me? ❞ ❝ outta the way, i was here first! ❞ ❝ sorry, i lost that a little while ago. ❞ ❝ hey, come on! it was just a prank! ❞ ❝ i'm seriously thinking about forcing that secret out of you. ❞ ❝ wait, did YOU say you wanted the last piece of pie in the fridge? 'cause i kinda just ate it ... ❞
actions. [ SING ] — sender starts singing raunchy lyrics around receiver [ WRESTLE ] — sender attempts to start play-fighting with receiver [ FINGER ] — sender flips receiver the bird [ LAUGH ] — sender tries to make receiver laugh [ LEAN ] — sender puts their full weight on receiver [ COLD ] — sender puts their cold fingers under receiver's shirt [ DRIVE ] — sender begins to drive very fast with receiver in the car with them [ FOOD ] — sender steals a bite of receiver's food when they're not looking [ BLANKET ] — sender pulls receiver's blanket off them while they're half-asleep [ PRANK ] — sender pulls a prank on receiver (bonus points if a type of prank is specified!)
FOR THE LITTLE SHIT.
words. ❝ hey, stop that! ❞ ❝ careful, i just got that new furniture. ❞ ❝ okay, okay, i'll do anything, just please stop tickling me ... ! ❞ ❝ god, you're such an asshole! ❞ ❝ i swear, if you do that one more time ... ❞ ❝ i didn't actually think it was that funny. ❞ ❝ aw, dammit, you broke it! ❞ ❝ you can't go 24 hours without having some kind of accident, huh? ❞ ❝ you just cheated! i watched you! ❞ ❝ if you even think about messing with me today, i will end you. ❞ ❝ are you drunk or something? because that was some of the weirdest shit i've ever heard. ❞ ❝ okay, i won't lie, that was actually pretty funny. ❞
actions. [ HEADLOCK ] — sender puts receiver in a headlock [ CHASE ] — sender chases receiver around in frustration [ RUN ] — sender runs from receiver to avoid being pranked/scared [ NUDGE ] — sender briskly nudges receiver in response to a snarky comment [ IGNORE ] — sender pretends to ignore receiver [ PULL ] — sender is dragged into pulling a prank with the sender [ CLEAN ] — sender begins cleaning receiver's mess [ WIPE ] — sender begins cleaning receiver's injuries after pulling a stunt that doesn't end well [ LEAVE ] — sender storms off in frustration after being messed with by receiver [ REVENGE ] — sender pulls a revenge prank on receiver (bonus points if a type of prank is specified!)
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scealaiscoite · 9 months
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“did you… ?” prompts ˗ˏˋ꒰ 🍊 ꒱
⋆ “did you miss me?”
⋆ “did you eat today?”
⋆ “did you know about it?”
⋆ “did you really think i wouldn’t be able to tell?”
⋆ “did you sleep well?”
⋆ “did you do all this?”
⋆ “did you mean it?”
⋆ “did you really say that?”
⋆ “did you ever really love me?”
⋆ “did you lie about that too?”
⋆ “did you ever stop and think about how this would make me feel?”
⋆ “did you mean for this to happen?”
⋆ “did you mean any of it?”
⋆ “did you do this just for me?”
⋆ “did you even consider that there’d be consequences to your actions?”
⋆ “did you really just call me [insert nickname/wrong name]?”
⋆ “did you come all the way over here just to say that?”
⋆ “did you realise how this would look?”
⋆ “did you know i felt this way about you?”
⋆ “did you need to do that here? now?”
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rp-meme-world · 11 months
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reassurance starters just some ideas, feel free to tweak however you’d like!
❝ for what it’s worth, i thought you were great. ❞
❝ would you like to leave? ❞
❝ i’m never leaving you. never. ❞
❝ i promise i won’t let anything happen to you/them. ❞
❝ hey. talk to me. you can talk to me. ❞
❝ we don’t have to talk. but please let me stay, i want to make sure you’re safe. ❞
❝ your feelings matter, too. ❞
❝ what can i do to help? ❞
❝ it’s really not that bad. ❞
❝ it’s okay. i’ll take care of it. ❞
❝ take your time. ❞
❝ i love you. that’s why i’m here. ❞
❝ you’re allowed to feel [feeling]. ❞
❝ i’m here for you. and i mean it. wherever. whenever. reach out. ❞
❝ there are a lot of people who care about you, even if you don’t see it. ❞
❝ of course i’m not mad at you — i was just scared. ❞
❝ i just wanted to let you know... you’re not alone. ❞
❝ i’m sorry you had to go through all that. ❞
❝ i know it hurts. but it’s only temporary. ❞
❝ i’m so glad you’re okay. ❞
❝ hey. no. you’re not a burden. ❞
❝ i know it’s cliché, but... it’s okay not to be okay. really. ❞ 
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just--some--prompts · 4 months
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Sentence/Conversation Starters:
Random things my friends and I have said over the years on Discord
── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──
✦ — Person A: “Something on my face?” Person B: “Yeah it's called being too handsome, now stop it.”
✧ — "Two cups of chicken broth, two cups of heavy cream, and then add the lego's–"
✦ — Person A: -makes struggling noises- Person B: "Are you ok?" Person A: "Nope" Person B: "Ok then"
✧ — "Don't shoot me! I'm pleasantly thick!"
✦ — "You’re starting another cult. You bitch."
✧ — Person A: "I’m allergic to honey because I’m allergic to beeeeeeees." Person B: "That's… not how it works?"
✦ — "You were here, you were our side hoe!"
✧ — "The hetero's are upsetero."
✦ — "Why does he not have clothes!?"
✧ — Person A: "We're not clean in the eyes of God." Persona B: "You're not clean in the eyes of your bathtub. How can you be clean in the eyes of God?"
✦ — "Consent is hot when you're fucking my life"
✧ — Person A: "You tire me" Person B: "Then go to bed"
✦ — "You were so far in the closet you were finding Christmas presents from 4 years ago!"
✧ — "I want... to put a pop-tart in his mouth. Do you like smores'?"
✦ — "Life of crime? Naw. Life of shaking ass? Sure."
✧ — Person B: "You're the opposite of a friendly boy." Person A: "What's the opposite of a friendly boy?" Person B: "A bitch."
✦ — -takes a fighting stance- “I'm ready to bite yo ass"
✧ — "People not talking to me? Ideal."
✦ — "You are all a burden upon my shoulders"
✧ — Person C: “Ima eat yo fucking al dente ass ligaments u Italian deviant” Person B: “You're welcome to. End my meat lineage.”
✦ — "Lol, simping for some sleep"
✧ — "Cucked for a soft pillow"
✦ — "Get cucked consciousness"
✧ — Person A: -struggles to breathe- Person B: "Breathe" Person A: "Who needs air?" Person B: "You need air to survive." Person A: "Debatable…" Person B: ".......shut up"
✦ — "I like my men like I like my food...  Genetically modified."
✧ — “Bitch, you got crabs?”
✦ — Person A: “Suc-Fuck you!” Person B: “You were gonna say suck.” Person C: “You were gonna say suck,” -Person C leans in closer- “that’s kinda gay bro.”
✧ — Person A: "So what are y’all talkin about?" Person B: "Uh... we were talking about gender reveals but with spaghetti"
✦ — "It's a millennial thing innit? Eatin' ass?"
✧ — "I'd stuff my face with you."
✦ — “Screams in slut, what!?”
✧ — Persona A: “I’m not mad.” Person B: “Don’t lie.” Person A: “Shut your whore mouth!”
✦ — -hands slam down on table- "They’ve had sex together!!!!"
✧ — "Rip in shit, binch. Sloshed and forgotten."
✦ — “This is how I die. Tell people it was something cool and not spicy egg salad.”
✧ — Person B: "You don't eat your phalanges [Person A]. Rookie mistake."
✦ — "When the Campbell's chunky take chunk out of you."
✧ — "Excuse me, Ma'am, can you put down a wet floor sign? You're a bit of a hazard."
✦ — "My gamer arthritis is making it hard for me to hold my wife's hand"
✧ — "Is this roller camping? .............I'm gonna fuck your mom."
✦ — Person A: "I struggle with his emotions–" Person C: "So does he."
✧ — "I thought by ‘squirt’ you meant that the clowns had venom sacks."
✦ — "We learned our lesson, don't convert–"
✧ — "You fed me eggs, now the government can track my location!!!"
✦ — Person C: "Anyway, back to the topic at hand–" Person B: "God, I wish his throat was under my hand–what?"
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prompts-of-the-pond · 2 years
Text
ARRANGED MARRIAGE
• “Why are you… trying to escape?”
“I’m not about to stay here and get married to someone I don’t know! They could be horrible! Kick puppies! Eat the cookie before the cream!”
“Well I’m not that bad, thank you very much, but I get your point.”
• “This is only a political alliance. I still very much hate your guts.”
“Sure. Try looking less in love with me next time you say that, though. It’ll be much more convincing.”
• “Wait… I know you. We played together as kids!”
“I knew I recognized you from somewhere!”
• “So, um… How have you been?”
“Really? You’re gonna ask that now?”
“I figured our wedding would be as good a time to reconnect as any.”
• “I can’t believe they matched us up. Us.”
“I guess pretending to tolerate each other worked a little too well.”
• “You know, I’d be much more upset about this if you didn’t look as good as you do now. That portrait they showed me when we were kids doesn’t do you justice.”
• “Okay. So we are both in love with somebody else, our parents do not know and would never approve.”
“Correct.”
“And neither of us want to be married to the other.”
“Also correct.”
“How do you feel about my ‘very good friend’ coming to live in our house?”
“Only if mine can too.”
“Then it’s a deal.”
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