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brisquad-unit-4402 · 1 year

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being gorgeous

HAHA SORRY I'M A LITTLE LATE TO THE 2.0 REVEAL THIRST PARTY i passed out while writing this yesterday and it shows. and then i've done nothing else today except for write, eat a donut, write, reheat some pork chops, write, join an online meeting, and write. it's 8:23 am. bonus points if you can pinpoint the exact moment i dropped my phone and fell asleep last night. and also the point where it turned morning here and i started getting goofy. literally no matter what happens all roads lead to Oh My God Why Is Shu So Beautiful

funny story while i was writing this: i wrote p much all of this on my pc and i have all of the noctyx puppets around my desk area but taichou is the only one that's actually on the desk and when i was starting out for the day i couldn't concentrate because he was just staring at me like ._. so i turned him around to face the wall and somehow that was what kicked off 3631 words???

shoutout to 🍰 anon for making soooo many of my neurons activate. we have a mutualistic symbiotic relationship and i think i'm going to go insane. i've spent the better part of the last 24 hours just writing this and nothing else i think i've actually lost it.

tags: established relationship, suggestive content, making out, 2.0 outfit, praise kink, humiliation kink, hurt/comfort, self-image positivity ig?, soft dom reader, gender neutral reader, sex references under the read more but there's no actual sex lol

⚠ suggestive/sexual content, praise kink, and humiliation kink under read more. content under read more is not intended for minors

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

All that muscle, and still Shu finds himself between a wall and a hard place. He wanted to try on something new, and naturally you were the first to check him out.

And, God, you checked him out. He wore a loose black robe covered in the skeletons and bones you were so used to seeing on a daily basis. The robe nearly grazed the floor of the changing room, and as he shuffled his feet, the fabric wrapped around the outline of Shu’s strong calves before returning to rest. A plume of fur adorned one shoulder while the other bore a moon pauldron that only drew your eye to the broad shoulders underneath. He tied his long hair up into a ponytail, the dark interrupted by streaks of pink and blond by his bangs, and purple hair fell down his back and caught the gleam of his bright eyes.

Though those bright eyes were cloudier with the shyness of being the center of your attention. He resolved himself to confront it. He cleared his throat and met your gaze, and asked, “Do you like it?”

“Shu, look at yourself.” You grasped him by the shoulders and turned him around to face the mirror. “Of course I do. You’re beautiful.”

He tried to keep a straight face, but there was no way he’d be able to hide his red ears with his hair tied up. “How do you just say things like that so easily?”

“Because it’s true,” you said. You rested your chin on his shoulder, right next to the armor, and watched the mirror as his face turned to roses the same shade as the marking on his forehead.

You get comfortable. “You’ve always been so handsome no matter what you do.” Your hands hold him by his waist, but it doesn’t take you long before one roams upwards. His waistline slopes out to his chest, and you feel Shu’s body shift as your hand slides under the fabric and cups one side of his chest. The mirror serves as a reminder that you were practically on top of him. “But honestly, Shu, you look so hot I can’t believe it.”

“I- I do?”

You mutter in agreement before you kiss his neck, languid and low where it meets his collarbone.

Shu gasps in surprise as it turns passionate, traces of your teeth along skin usually hidden by his hair. He softens into you as you fondle him, and when you circle his nipple he knows he’s doomed.

Teeth sink into his skin, and his breath hitches at the sudden pain. It quiets as your tongue soothes the mark, and goes blinding as you flick his nipple in time with a long lick. Shu can’t help but moan at that. His shoulder rises as nervous energy drips down his body from where your lips cling to his neck, and he knows you can feel him tremble as you toy with his nipple.

The kisses rise higher on his neck, a line of desperation even though you know you have all the time in the world. It’s more like you need to make him know he’s cherished. You weren’t kidding when you complimented him earlier; he’s always been good-looking, and you’ve never been shy about that. But trying a different look made him just as tense as he was excited, so you’re here to shoo all those insecurities away. After all, you’d be lying if you said his new look didn’t turn you on.

You take a glance at the mirror's reflection. Shu's eyes are shut. His long lashes flutter between his makeup, and his lips are parted as he takes all the sensations in. Meanwhile, you look sly and calculated as you cast a sideways glance to your reflection. A bit of your tongue pokes out of your mouth and along your latest attack.

Using the mirror, you take Shu's head in your hands as your lips run over his ear. His eyes snap open into lovely crystal, stunned and sparkling.

“I don’t think I can resist you,” you whisper. "Look at yourself."

He averts his eyes. "I mean, I'm not all that."

"Oh, you are." You turn him to the mirror as your fingers glaze along his chin. Your nails lightly scratch at his jawline, and he can't help but stare at the movement in the mirror.

Out of the corner of his vision, he catches his expression and nearly kicks himself. Was he really that out of control? His horrors are realized when he notices the bead of saliva at the corner of his mouth. He swats the back of his gloved hand over it.

But you catch Shu's hand before he can even wipe it away. "Don't."

"But..."

"Stay still."

Following your command wasn't so hard. He was frozen in place anyways.

It takes everything he has to not react as you drag your tongue up his jawline between the fingernail scrapes. His heart hammers as your lick curls perfectly around his lip to catch the saliva before sliding it back into place inside his mouth.

He follows what feels natural, and when his tongue meets yours, fire runs in your blood. Outside it, too. Sorcerous flames kick alive around his head, then fade just as quickly as they appeared. He's a light show even in his invisible unconscious, and sparks course in your open-mouthed kiss in jolts of hot heaviness.

The hand that caught his earlier leads him as he takes a step back, then another, and his third ends flush against the wall. Shu's ponytail swirls around from the movement, and brushes along your body as you pin him to the wall of the changing room.

There's a loud smack as you end the kiss, breathless and heated. Shu's lashes blur over his enchanted purple eyes, and a few strands of black and gold-blond hair get in the way of his face.

"So handsome," you say, and move his head back to the mirror. "You can still see yourself?"

He barely rustles out a yes, but you feel his head nod slowly between the nails on his jaw and tangled in his hair.

"Good. I'm glad you get to see how handsome you really are." Your grasp crawls up to his cheek. "Watch yourself, and don't dare to look away. I want you to see yourself become a beautiful mess. Can you do that for me?"

Another nod, slower this time.

"Say it."

Shu swallows, and struggles to put the words together. He didn't think he was ugly per se, but he always thought of himself as just plain average. One of the many so-so faces out there in the world. All your praise breaks through those thoughts like an arrow smack-dab in the center of a target, however, and he's abashed at how easily you can say something he's never considered himself as.

It's unfamiliar. A new feeling, really, and likely the one he was dreading when he decided to wear something new for a change. Shu doesn't consider himself a head-turner—that's usually reserved for one of his friends, and he's used to watching them in the limelight from his own comfortable corner of darkness—so now that he's the one against the wall with eyes on him and nowhere to run, hot shame tempers his blush. The mirror only intensifies the feeling.

He looks back at himself. His hair's already messed up from the hand against his scalp, and one side of his neck peppered with the indentation of fangs along the soft skin. Not to mention his decidedly uncute face, with hands far prettier than his own around his jawline, murky eyes crinkled from his perverted pleasure, and yet another string of saliva down from his swollen-red lips. It was probably left over from the kiss. He thinks he should call it disgusting.

Your face rests along his in the mirror, and he can feel your breath on his cheek as you massage his flustered face. You're way more attractive than he is, and he has to wonder: does such an average-looking guy like him really deserve to have such a beautiful person dote over him like this?

"It's okay to indulge yourself, you know," you suggest. Your voice is golden caramel and rich chocolate. "You really are gorgeous. Even if you don't believe it."

Gorgeous. The word bounces around his head. He's never been called gorgeous before, and he nearly turns away on instinct.

The new feeling, he decides, is being gorgeous.

You smooth over one of the long locks of hair along his chest, where you teased him earlier. It feels like silk through your fingers, and as you reach higher Shu's eyes widen just a little more. Then you see the glassiness between the color, and you realize there's more going on in his head than you thought.

"I'll take care of you, if you want me to." You put your agenda on hold just to make sure you aren't about to overwhelm Shu. "Do you want me to?"

"Reader, do you really think..." Shu lowers his head as he fights to form the sentence. "You really think I'm... that?"

"I do."

"And you're not just saying that?"

"You are, I swear. Here, let's take a break real fast." You step away and give Shu some space, but he keeps his back against the wall. He exhales, and the color drains from his face. “Stop me if you need me to. But when we met, I thought you were really pretty. I really liked your sense of style, and the colors in your hair, and I liked to sneak looks at your biceps." You laugh a little at that. "I love your eyes a lot. They're really bright, and whenever you smile, they always squint a little.

"That's one of the other things I really love about you, whenever you smile. You like to laugh. So you smile often, and it's always because they're something to be happy about, and that makes me happy too. Sometimes because it affects me too, and sometimes, just because I love whenever my partner gets to enjoy himself."

You scratch the back of your head. "And, um, I came off a little strong when I saw you, so I'm sorry if I scared you. I didn't mean to do that at all. It's just that I got used to seeing your usual outfit, so now that you're trying something new..." You laugh again, but this time it's a gentle giggle, and without lust fueling you, you feel a bit embarrassed. "I mean, I really did think you were beautiful before, especially once we got closer, and I got to explore you more. But this is a whole other level. You've really outdone yourself. Like, I couldn't even hold back when I saw you, I was just so attracted to you that I didn’t even think. I really should have, though. I didn’t mean to cross a boundary.”

Shu’s eyebrows raise. “What? You didn’t do anything wrong, it’s just that…”

He trails off. He slumps over and slides down the wall with a sigh as he sits. His ponytail rests along the floor and along one of his sleeves. "I know you compliment me often, but I never thought you seriously meant it. No one's ever said things like that to me before."

"Really?" You sit next to him. "Should I stop?"

"No! No, you're fine. I mean. I think... It's not like I didn't like it." Shu buries his face into his hands and groans. "I really liked it, actually. I think it was just too new, and it's second nature for me to deny how good it feels, and—" He cuts himself off to muster up his courage. He lowers his hands just enough to peek out, but his fingers thread through each other and hide his face. "I've never been called gorgeous before."

"Was that okay?"

"It was perfect," he admits. His eyebrows relax, and his eyes squint. You don't need to see the rest of his face to know his lips curved up. But he dilutes his swoon with another sigh, and you can tell he's disappointed in himself as he drops his hands to his side. "I wish I wasn't in my head when you said it. Sorry for ruining a good moment."

"You didn't ruin anything, Shu, what are you talking about?" You reach to hold his hand, but hesitate, unsure if he wants to be touched. But he turns his palm over to met yours, and you connect. "I'm glad we're talking about it, and I'm hoping that it's helping you work through it, too. I'd hate to do or say anything to you that you couldn't handle."

"Thank you. That's really sweet of you." You take in how he wraps his fingers around yours and squeezes. "I'm going to calm down for a moment."

You sit together for a moment. His face is a slideshow between thoughts, and you rub circles along his hand with your thumb as he recomposes himself. You trust him.

You send comfort through your fingertips on the changing room floor, and his deep breathing turns to silence as a minute passes by. Then Shu turns to you, and lifts your hand in his. "Do you want to try again?"

"You're up for it?"

He nods, and this time it's with all his energy. "I was really looking forward to it. Can we?"

"Of course, Shu, anything for you." Already you're starting to feel warm. You get up to your feet, and bring Shu with you.

You're not so sure if Shu is aware of this, but even in his weakest moments, he moves elegantly. Not so much that it looks practiced, but he rises nimble like the shadows he channels his sorcery through. His long hair rests on his sleeves, then slips behind his back airily as the leathery wing along his torso flares with the motion.

He doesn't let go of your hand, even as he steps back and rests against the wall.

"You're okay with this?" You ask.

"It felt nice."

Your hand lets go of his, but it doesn't break away from his glassy-clear skin, and instead takes in the shape of his arm. His inner wrist is so soft, but the skin gets pleasantly rougher as you continue upwards into the plush of his forearm, and by the time you reach the peak of his biggest muscles, the plush turns firm.

The other holds him by his hips right under the sash of his robes. You can wrap yourself so easily around his waistline, and the urge to snatch him up is stifling.

But you're on a mission, and Shu's straight nose is dusted with pink, and when your hands both squeeze his body, a short gleam of fire spirals out behind him, and yet, his vivid, royal eyes are what captivate you the most.

You're so lost in his long lashes and the flecks of galaxy that you feel helpless, even with him pinned underneath you. "Shu, can I kiss—"

You get your answer before you even finish the question.

It's like you never paused in the first place. He enters your mouth first, and you match his movements, crossing along his tongue as if it was your lifeblood. It probably is. Shu has a tendency to unlock hunger like you've never known it before.

His arms unconsciously flex at the contact. Aroused, you drive forward and force him further against the wall, and when you hear the rumble of a moan between your connected lips, your fingers clutch harder at his waist.

Your bodies are flush against one another, and as you lean forward, you feel the telltale silkiness of his hair. You don't dare to open your eyes as you fumble around for a tuft to tangle your hands in. Shu pulses in your mouth as you take hold, and parts just enough to aim for your bottom lip as he returns the favor and bites. You hear a lewd, liquidy smack as he hurriedly glosses over the nip, then back to your parted lips. Every time there's even the slightest tension between his hair and your fingers, you notice, he rushes to kiss you harder.

So when he goes in for another round, you move your mouth away. His eyes flutter open in confusion, then shocks into surprise as you drag him in front of you. The mirror reflects his surprise right back at him.

Your head perches on Shu's shoulder. "You up for this, baby? You want to see?"

The heat returns. His reflection is another reminder of how he's totally at your mercy, and all the shame that comes with being so whipped that he already looks this ruined.

But you called him beautiful earlier. Gorgeous.

He kind of likes the shame.

"Yeah," Shu says, breathless. "Y-yeah, I do."

"Good boy," you coo, and that washes a whole new set of feelings over him that he files away for later. He tucks his chin away, embarrassed at the name, but he's still focused on the reflection as your reach to the top of his head and the beginnings of his ponytail.

Shu grew his hair out long, and you comb through the ponytail as it loosens down his back. "Pretty boy," you say. Your voice is tempting so close to his ear, especially as you gather his hair together. "Pretty boy with pretty hair. You take good care of it."

He lets out a hum deep in his throat as you smooth through it, only for it to turn into a startled choke as you grab at the base of his head. He chides himself for not seeing through your plan, but not enough to stifle how the choke turns into a moan as you pull. His neck jerks back. Then your lips make contact with his nape like a vampire to prey, and the moan turns into an even more humiliating yelp. The mirror proudly displays his neediness, but the high pitch is yours alone to keep.

"Didn't mark this side earlier." You mutter as you blow cool air over your latest kiss, and bask in how he shivers storms. "You like that?"

"Mmm, feels good," he says, voice wavering.

"Sounded like it, too. I liked hearing it. Gives me a chance to keep playing around with you."

His common sense tells him to protest, but he's too enthralled by the rough kisses and pulls. You tug on his hair to move him instead of asking him, and the way that you can command him without even using words both impresses and mortifies him.

It's the bites that send him over the edge, though. His nape is your territory. The first hickeys have already darkened on the other side, and when he sees you ravenous over his elongated neck, it's dirty and starved and lovely.

You press a kiss under Shu's ear and he jolts at the pleasure. When you suck, he inhales shakily, and lolls his head to the side. He had no idea that he just put himself in the perfect position. "Just like that, stay still. That's perfect." You weave your fingers through an open seam in his outfit, and when you leave your next mark, it's with your hands over his chest underneath the fabric. You grope his cleavage. "Perfect, perfect, perfect."

"H-how did you even— nngh, ah!"

His nipples were already hard enough, but then you just had to go and twist the damn thing like it wouldn't send him so far down to hell that he'd come back up in heaven.

"Just like that, Shu, baby, you're doing so well!" A flick on the bud here, a pull on his ponytail there, your words barely able to ring out as you frenzy between the kisses and the licks.

Whatever noise hangs in the air, it's downright pornographic, and it's only when Shu sees his open mouth in the mirror that he realizes that's his voice. It wobbles between a cry and a huff. Pink and purple dances around his hazy reflection, but as aroused as he is, he recognizes them as his harmless fire. He didn't even know he did that.

The fire trails behind his head as everything goes hot. He can barely think straight, but the only thing coursing through his mind is that he's never been able to feel delight like this before.

Where you stand behind him, Shu rolls his hips, his neck still held back against your body. You've been doing such a good job of keeping yourself together, but the slow coursing is a death sentence. You welcome it wholeheartedly.

"Mm, Shu...!" That elegance is seriously biting you in the ass right now. Even when he's horny, he's graceful, but you ache for more.

And even when he's submissive, he's strong. You tend to forget that those biceps aren't just for show.

Shu practically plucks you out of the embrace and to his side. His voice is husky but whiny. "Mirror or not, I'm not about to go down on you standing up."

"Let's get you a bed," you negotiate. The sooner you can get all you love out of your system, the better. "Lead the way, gorgeous."

He doesn't waste any time at all. He holds his arm out along the small of your back and rests his hand against where your hips connect with your thighs, and as you shuffle out of the changing room he keeps you close to his, brushing up against you all the while. You'd almost think he was preening.

"Gorgeous," you utter. Hopefully he learns how one day.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

#shu yamino #shu yamino x reader #luxiem x reader #luxiem #shu yamino smut #shu yamino nsft #shu yamino headcanons #nijisanji x reader #nijisanji en #luxiem smut #luxiem nsft #luxiem headcanons #4402 writes #this is all over the place but i just want to make out with him.. that’s all i ask.. dies (real)#me strugglin to unreliably narrate shu calling himself uncute while literally everything he dislikes is so hot:#ty to all-nighter 4402 for the hc that shu has reactional flames when he's really emotional couldn't have done it without you

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astrolaurical · 11 months

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RM’S CHAOTIC LOVE LIFE ANALYZED IN SONG LYRICS

This is all alleged and speculation. No relationships are proven true until confirmed by the idols themselves or their agencies. Do not take this personally or too seriously. This is just an extreme over-analysis of song lyrics and observations I have made about idol interactions from years of being a K-Pop fan. This is a work in progress- RM has like a million songs and I am constantly going back and rediscovering new meaning in lyrics and adding to the song list. So buckle up, get a snack and a drink because I basically typed an 12 page thesis.

Indigo track-by-track analyses link

Favorite Girl (2012)- girl broke up with him over a letter in the winter

Thinkin Bout U- mentions red converse high girl

Coffee (2013)-bitter over breakup bc became idol?

Blanket kick (2014)- keep being/acting embarrassing around crush/gf and admits a lot of songs about her- possibly about yerin?

Miss right (2014)- maybe about yerin? possibly about wishing to be in ideal relationship but can’t bc idol

Where did you come from (2014)-superficial love

Boy in luv (2014)- unrequited love and changing oneself to try to get her affections

Danger (2014)-unaffectionate/uncaring gf not putting her all in the relationship

Intro:what am I to you (2014)-relationship started out too intense so gf put up barriers and shut bf out

Converse high (2015), converse high (predebut) -song that I believe is about yerin from 15&

Run (2015)- giving your all to someone who doesn’t appreciate it

Hold me tight (2015)-knows breakup is about to occur but wants to rekindle feelings from beginning of relationship

I NEED U (2015)- how because of this girl, they are becoming ruined and they want out of the relationship. However, they cannot bring themselves to leave and begs her to break it off for him. They are going through hell because of this relationship yet they keep coming back.

Autumn leaves (2016)- refusing to move on from breakup

Love is not over (2016)-refusing to move on from breakup where girl clearly didn’t love him/ she was toying with him or realized that hookups don’t satisfy them bc only last the night and person only theirs when they are physically in the bed

Blood sweat tears (2016)- addicted to sex with someone

Dilemma (2016)- gf feeling like stranger as she becomes distant but rm still refuses to let go bc he loves her

13430 (2018)-galactic ode to lovers whose bond dwindles, eventually breaking aloof.

Fake love (2018)- “I’m so sick of this fake love” Pretty self explanatory. The same message will be repealed in “Her” and “Closer”.

Her (2018)- the person they are in love with doesn't know the real them, only the mask they put on

Truth untold (2018)- It speaks of the singer putting on a mask to see the one that they love. They create a facade to hide behind so the object of their affection doesn’t see their broken and damaged side. They are afraid that their love will leave them because of their hidden side. They have a love, but it is fake love because they aren’t being real and so because they did not have the courage to show their love their real self, they left. They are left sitting in their ruined dream reminiscing about what would’ve happened if things turned out differently.

Im fine (2018)- a little self growth yay! Went from “save me” to “I’m fine”

Euphoria (2018)- happiness associated with young love and new beginnings. There are some underlying tones of feelings of how their love is fake and not based on attraction

Waste it on Me (2018)- a hopeless and hopeful love affair. While one side of the relationship labels the concept of love as a waste, the other strongly advocates for the pursuit.

Jamais Vu (2019)- can never do right by gf so want another chance

Crying over you (2019)- breakup but each person is mature enough to let go of each other and sending wishes that their ex would find a better person whom perfectly fit for them.

TOMORROW X TOGETHER - 0X1=LOVESONG (I Know I Love You) (2021)- apparently RM had part in writing this song. He must have been loved up in his couple ring era because this song screams honeymoon stage. Clearly it didn't last based on the angry songs in this list that came afterward.

Young Love (2022)- We don’t know which of the members this viewpoint is about, so I will include this song just to be safe

SEXY NUKIM (2022)- you know the part I’m referring to… Girl you can keep it low While we do the ride I'll apply you tonight Ain't gotta DM 'Cause you heard about my team”

Closer (2022)- Namjoon, man. Will you ever learn your lesson?! You can’t replace sex with love! And you know it too. You’ve written like 20 songs about this very thing.

Change pt. 2 (2022)- MANS HEXED HIS EX LMAOOO. I WOULD BE SCARED SHITLESS. “SOMEDAY A GREAT GRIEF WILL DO COME FOR YOU AND THEN YOULL KNOW IT TOO THATS ALL I CAN SAY TO YOU. YOU CANT LOVE SOMEONE LIKE I DO”

Smoke Sprite (2022)- Honey, what you doin' in my bed? Yeah, Uh, baby, welcome to my favorite place, yes→ RM said 2022 IS THE YEAR I LET EVERYONE KNOW IM NOT A VIRGIN

Dont ever say love me (2023)- “I wanna die when youre next to me” like man wants to breakup so bad because even when youre around him you give him the ick

WHO ARE THE SONGS ABOUT?

ANONYMOUS PRE-DEBUT CITIZEN

RM admitted to having a girlfriend in highschool during a 2015 episode of Problematic Men. He said it was a short-lived relationship because she had too many male friends and was causing him to be jealous. Speaking of 2015, notice how the other men are rushing him to try and slip up and admit that he is dating? Or admit that he would write a letter to a sweetheart? That goes into my theory about Yerin below, with the timelines matching up in 2015. RM is notoriously TOO honest and his Problematic Men hyungs knew it, with Namjoon probably gushing about his girlfriend at after-taping 회식, and were wanting him to slip up and spill on air. RM finally admitted that he would write a song for his crush on White Day (cough cough Converse High cough cough).

YERIN

While BTS has never had a confirmed partner since debut, Baek Yerin is the only rumored girlfriend RM has had tabloids write about. Yerin is the only one of the three women I’m the most confident about in this analysis that he has had a relationship with. I am fairly certain that RM has a crush on Hwasa, and that Chaeyoung has a crush on RM.

Yerin’s entire 2019 album “Every letter I sent you.” seems to be a reflection of the passionate love (and toxic) affair her and Namjoon had when they were around ages 18/19-20/21. It could be possible they dated even as early as when Namjoon was 16 if his earlier unreleased love songs are about her, as well. That’s highly unlikely, as Yerin is the same age as Jungkook, 3 years younger than Namjoon.

Her songs often mention tons of sex, drunken nights, smoking, and fights. This sounds highly out of character for Namjoon (minus the sex and a little bit of drinking). There are rumors that some BTS members smoked, though it’s not confirmed who they are and if they still do. (Edit: Taehyung was officially confirmed to have smoked after pictures of him smoking at the 2022 Grammys were leaked. There were also numerous other occasions where he was holding a vape in his hand, but nothing as big as this “Grammys smoking scandal” went as viral. Jungkook is also confirmed to smoke after his vape was revealed in a Weverse live. Suga alludes to him being a constant smoker in his song “Haegeum”, and he does hold that cigarette like a seasoned pro… but the cig reference was mainly a call out to overprotective fans who think they they can tell other people what they can do with their bodies.)

They most likely had a karmic relationship- an intense but PAINFUL relationship that will rip you out and spit you out. Every hidden side of you is revealed through sex and intimacy, but it is so intense, that you cannot be with the person forever but you feed off of each other’s brokenness. I’m sure if you asked them about what they learned from that relationship, they would say they learned SO MUCH about life, love, and self.

It (allegedly) definitely seems like Namjoon broke up with her around 2015-2016 after the success of I NEED U, when BTS became busier and he had less time to spend with her. From the timeline of BTS songs, I would place their relationship anywhere from 2012-2015. While he was heartbroken for YEARS after this (see the above listed songs, the longest list off all 3 lyrics lists), he has now come to terms with it. It seems like Yerin has come to terms with it as well, as this blog post breaks down each song meaning beautifully. It seems like Yerin has found a box of diaries or love letters from this relationship and has written songs in chronological order of the entire timeline, from beginning to end, with the last song talking about her getting closure with viewing the memories and how the two were not meant to be.

Yerin states that “This album reflects memories, dilemmas, and thought processes I had from when I was nineteen to twenty three.” She is currently 24 years old Korean age (23 years old standard age at the time that I wrote this in 2020, she would be 26 years old in 2023 now). This would put the beginning of the album at 19 years old in 2014 to 23 years in 2018. The timeline does match.

Maybe its not our fault (2019)- how partners in relationship slowly started to drift apart

0310- sex cant save a relationship

It’s like I dont know myself (2017)- the more he probes the more she loses herself and him

Meant to Be (2019)- about namjoon 100000% id bet my life on it. Him saying they’re meant to be, he’s kind.

Across the Universe (2015)- hes slipping away but shes clinging to him

Mr. Gloomy (2019)- talking about how hes so melancholy and loves rainy days (Namjoon forever rain)

Bye Bye My Blue (2016)- becoming resentful of Namjoon’s growing fame while her career is stagnant

“Cuz I’m afraid to say things I want to say. I push you away and make things uncomfortable”

CAN I BE U (2019)- most likely a response to I NEED U

His Ocean (2016)- NJ trying to get a deep connection but Yerin resisting. Namjoon also has a fascination with oceans and always mentions it in lyrics.

“I'm not good at emptying my heart. It's not as easy as it sounds. But why do you keep asking me to do something I can't? There's a lot that has built up in my heart. I can't get rid of it and I'm always frustrated”

Amy (2019)- apologizing for the hardships she put him through in the relationship and admitting she buys all their albums and that their Love Yourself campaign has helped her (allegedly)

Popo (2019) - saying how intoxicated she is with the man (his eyes, his scent, his voice). If the song is about NJ, I mean, same girl. The man in the song wrote her a song and played it for her.

“You'll never know How much your voice attracts me, boy. It's exceptional Especially When you're playing the song for me. I can't take my eyes away”

Datoom (2019)- Reflecting on how much they argued before they broke up

Not a girl (2019) - seoulbeats (linked above) sums up this song perfectly: “Yerin wanting to speak up for herself against a lover who doesn’t seem to truly be for her. There lies a misunderstanding between who he attempts to see her as, versus who she believes she truly is.”

“Can’t be what you want. I can’t be what you were. I can’t say I have done so many things but now. Can’t be good enough”

Newsong2 (2019)- "Want to be just like you once. Make it up if I do wrong. Ignore and leave the silence". Make up and brush it under the rug.

Point (2019)- insecure partner in love keeps questioning her love

London (2019)-partner is trying to idealize her and is not seeing her for who she is

HWASA

It does seem that Namjoon has a thing for Cancers, if my and others’ speculations about his dating life are true. Both Yerin and Hwasa are Cancer suns. While Namjoon’s Cancer Mars is in his 8th house and plays a predominant role in his life and relationships, it is clear to see why he is drawn to Cancer sun individuals. But remember, the 8th house is death and rebirth. Karmic relationships.

Hwasa and Namjoon do have a lot of similarities, from not only looking similar (face, tan, thicc), but to being criticized by fans and media alike (tan, ignorance. RM has apologized and grown from his mistakes. Still waiting on Hwasa’s genuine apology since she continues to appropriate… and do blackface). Both are also highly sexual beings.

While the man in her songs has characteristics that sound a lot like him, so do many other anonymous citizens of Seoul like Hwasa stated. She makes her ex sound like he was available whenever to come and see her, and RM being part of the biggest boy group on the planet doesn’t have much free time, even though his personality is very empathetic and giving. The only reason I included her is because a lot of other people seem to think there was something going on between the two, whether it was a FWB situation or brief one-month romance. I will admit I do not keep up with Mamamoo or Hwasa at all so these are the only songs I know by her. I have heard rumors that she has been in a steady relationship with a man like 10 years older than her and is in a prominent position, like a ceo or something? All alleged, of course. You can never really trust that stuff.

Twit (2019)- how Hwasa wants her lover to not be so passive, loving, and predictable, but take charge and surprise her. This song seems the most likely of Hwasa’s songs to be about NJ because Yerin and BTS’s songs about exes have mentioned the man giving so much of himself into the relationship that he loses himself. Hwasa fans speculate that Twit may be about Loco, as he was VERY chivalrous and swooned over her every time they worked together.

“You give me a lot, but why are you the only one feeling unhappy? Because you breathe only for me. You look so lonely”

Why (2020)- missing her ex, most likely the lover from Twit

“You're my hero. We have many similarities, like a mirror”

Kidding (2020)- sarcastic remarks to a cheating ex and his new lover. Not quite sure if this is about Namjoon because his natal chart doesn’t really have any aspects linking to cheating, but natal charts aren’t the end-all-be-all. Everyone still has free will, and he very well may have cheated.

“Of course you must have been busy. You two falling in love. It’s an old thing that’s thrown out after one use. You’re going to regret it soon. Isn’t it so ironic?”

CHAEYOUNG

Another slightly uncomfortable pattern in all of these alleged “exes” is that RM likes to date younger women, as every single “ex-girlfriend” listed here is younger than him. Namjoon was born in 1994, Hwasa in 1995, Yerin in 1997…. and Chaeyoung in 1999. Namjoon… dude. Chaeyoung is a Taurus, which vibes well with his Virgo sun. Namjoon also has his descendant in Taurus, which is what he looks for in a marriage partner. I don’t have any of the girls’ birth times, but standard 1200 time all results in negative match scores, showing that the majority of Namjoon and each individual girl’s natal chart did not sync well for a compatible match.

Whenever there are multiple fan videos of idol ships, take notice. Weed out the delusional ones but pay attention to ones that seem plausible after researching the K-Pop industry and how idols get away with dating. Idols have confirmed that looking at each other is a form of flirting when at award shows. And there are plenty of clips of RM and Chaeyoung doing just that. Chaeyoung has written her own rap lyrics but mostly it is about a crush and then immediately to heartbreak, so clearly the relationship didn’t last long. The song timelines from crush (2016) to regret (2018) show a brief interlude of happiness and touching (2017). My guess is that after pursuing RM for quite some time, he gave in and hooked up with her, but she wanted more and got her heart broken.

Precious Love (2016)- apologizing and asking scorned ex to come back

“I’m so sorry. Please come back. Do you still feel the same? Have you still not forgiven me? Have the scars I’ve given you Not healed yet? Or have you replaced me With someone else? Is there no place for me In your heart anymore?”

Daring Woman (2016)- she’s young but stop pushing her away

Eye Eye Eyes (2017)- describing a crush she has on someone. Mentions white tee shirt and jeans that he likes, possible reference to converse high

“Ocean-like eyes, I’ll swim in them. Yeah yeah yeah. Everyone knows his pretty eye-smile. I want it to myself. Yeah yeah yeah. Your heart is ice I’ll melt you” and “Do men like White shirt with jeans and most importantly long hair”

Missing U (2017) -ex promised her the world then broke her heart. A recurring theme throughout all 3 girl’s lyrics, hmmmm maybe the ex in Namjoon’s songs isn’t the problem, then?

“You promised me And I foolishly believed. But when you left, you had no guilt. But still I miss you. Miss you baby”

Sweet Talker (2018)- I have a very tiny suspicion this might be about more than one BTS member since Jeonghyeon was involved in the writing process. RM is known for choosing his words carefully, being a smooth talker when it comes to flirting and being a poetic genius.

“You seduced me with your sweet words. You made my heart beat with your clear eyes” and “Your words were as clear as the sky. Your words had no feelings”

The only confirmed relationship I know that Chae was in was with that scumbag tattoo artist that drew those lewd drawings of Chae giving him head and posted it for the world to see and she got so much hate because of it. Thank goodness they’re not together anymore.

This is where I had last stopped in my draft. It says the last edit was December 6, 2020 lmao. So some things I had previously said I may disagree with now but I'm leaving up as I like to see how my thoughts have changed over the years. For example, I now do not think that Chaeyoung or RM ever dated, and that she just had an extreme crush on him. I mean, girl same. Yerin I still believe 100% dated him as she broke formal speech on TELEVISION and called him a pet name. The only reason that wasn't a bigger deal is that both were unknown artists back in 2015. Hwasa, I am on the fence about. I see more reaction videos of Taehyung being the ass man that he is lusting over her than RM. I wouldn't let my buddy thirst over my girl but RM is pretty chill about it. Granted they are in public and being filmed, but even if he did talk to Tae about it, V still did it over and over. Weird, no? So that is why i lean more towards that Hwasa and RM probably didnt officially date, but maybe were just fuck buddies?

Now onto RM’s love life that DID make news:

COUPLES RING

I really wish I had kept a better timeline of him wearing that ring, sigh. The only things I can really find online of him wearing that ring started the whole “namjoon married” ordeal were around September 2020 when that infamous video of him taking it off before going on air surfaced, making it look hella suspicious. I definitely remember him wearing that ring for maybe the entirety of Dynamite promotions? The Dynamite era went from August 25, 2020- December 3, 2021 according to BTS Wiki. This was like peak COVID time and I was an essential worker so I admittedly wasn’t keeping up with BTS that closely and instead was just trying to make it through the day. He was talking about having kids a lot during this time too, and that one live of him showing off the baby shoes did not help his case that he is already married with kids. Namjoon did seem to get in on the joke though by trolling us and posting that photo of him and a little girl with her face covered.

There were also terrible rumors going around during this time that he was gay. Namjoon clearly has a very close guy friend and likes to take pictures with said best friend to preserve memories. To respect his non-famous friend’s privacy, he puts emojis over their face on the photos. Some of the emojis were hearts. Thus the shipping and speculation began. RM eventually stopped posting photos with this friend at all and then deleted all of them.

FIANCEE

June 24, 2022… the day when all Namjoon stans had a heart attack. News broke that he was engaged. So those couple ring photos must be true, we all thought. But alas! HYBE released a statement saying “RM’s marriage rumors are not true. We are currently taking swift action against malicious rumors started on YouTube.” Namjoon himself even posted on his instagram story saying “I don’t know her.” All is well, right? Then Indigo was released… and Namjoon really meant it when he said “I don’t know her.”

It is my belief that Namjoon really was engaged to be married to the person whom he shared couple rings with and who was the lockscreen on his phone. But, based on the lyrics from his songs in the Indigo album, we know that the relationship did not end well. Based on the lyrics in “Closer” and “Change pt. 2”, it seems like she broke his heart by either 1) cheating or 2) putting up emotional barriers and saying she didn’t have feelings for him. I will dissect all songs from the Indigo album in full in a separate masterlist and will link to it here.

According to the Sojang video posted on June 23, 2022, RM’s chaebol “fiancee” was going around bragging about being engaged to the idol. Once word got out about this, they had a huge fight about how she was just using him for his fame and not for his personality. This is where I kind of believe Sojang may have sources that are true. The BTS members have had tons of fake dating rumors and have never felt the need to personally respond and always just let their company handle it. Around this time, Jungkook was being “attacked” by Sojang for fake dating rumors as well and he never responded. But Namjoon decided to go to his personal instagram and type “I don’t know her” which could be viewed in two ways: he really has never met the person Sojang is claiming he was engaged to… or he never really knew the TRUE person who he was engaged to, only the mask they wore. And we all know that Namjoon loves being petty, passive aggressive, and cryptic… even more so when it comes to his exes apparently if his songs are anything to go by. He is straight up hexing his ex at the end of “Change pt. 2”.... The breakup has definitely scarred him. While I think he has been working on healing and that the Indigo album has helped tremendously, I do think that Namjoon is now way more reluctant to love than he once was. He has even said so himself on The Dictionary of Useless Human Knowledge that he used to see himself getting married (hmmm… I bet you did), but now he is unsure if he ever will. His long letter to ARMY recently on Weverse gives me hope that he will find love again when he is ready, and he admits so himself in that letter that he won’t go searching for it but will let divine timing take place and let the chips fall where they may.

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