#feeling fucking euphoric
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I love you tales of tribute I love you antiquarian circle I love you house ravenwatch I love you blackfeather court I love you kireth and raynor I love you dog/guar and husband/wife finding quests I love you silly bard songs I love you player home decorating I love you weird lore I love you side quests I love you eso I'm just on a special interest high and wanted to use this meme to express it thanks for listening to my ted talk
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Never feel more masc then the times I try to look fem
#Crossdressing as a woman is truly the epitome of being a man#I HAVE to be the most confusing person at the grocery store#Voice of boy? but makeup like girl? but boy mannerisms? Girl hair? Boob? lesbianism? Man? Woman? Man? They? It? Maybe#You'll never fucking know. I hope it keeps you up at night#Committing gender fuckary? In my city?. it's more likely than you would think#It's very obvious how boy I am when I try to girl#I love being a weird little guy#I'm that boy thing wearing a dress what's not clicking here#Transmascs im telling you WEAR THAT MAKEUP!!!!!#PUT ON THAT DRESS!!!#only if you want to ofc but there is nothing more euphoric then dressing like a woman and still feeling like a man#but that's the process. A couple years ago wearing nail polish made me sick to my stomach. AND IM AGENDER!!!!#totally just like rambled in the tags mb#transgender#trans masc#transmasc#agender ism#genderqueer#nonbinary#trans man#trans joy#just fishdeath-ing#genderfluid#genderfuck#multigender#xenogender#genderflux#abinary#transneutral#don't know why I'm tagging this so hard but i learned like three new terms so that pretty cool
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Just ONCE I want to see Will and Hannibal go absolutely feral and fight each other. Think Red Dragon but slightly less lethal. I want to see them biting and clawing, giving each other dislocated joints and broken bones and cuts and bruises, leaving bleeding bite marks and scratches on each other. Is that too much to ask?
#Why do I feel like it would genuinely be good for their relationship#Like getting all their aggression out on each other and just letting the pain and anger thrive for a minute#I bet it would feel euphoric in the end#idk#dont listen to me i have no idea what im talking about#hannibal#nbc hannibal#hannibal lecter#will graham#hannibal nbc#hannigram#hannibal and will#hannibal crack#they would definitely fuck at the end but thats not the point of the post
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#my godddd 😮💨❤️🩹#life is so beautiful you guysss#bless Sufjan's fucking precious mind😮💨🩷!!#everything written‚ produced and recorded by him + all the artwork and essays also by him!! he's everything!! ❤️🩹#the entire album sounds both familiar and new (like Goodbye Evergreen is literally how The Age of Adz goes from Futile Devices to Too Much!#sounds very atmospheric and melancholic and bittersweet but also dreamy and euphoric. and very gentle#and there's a sense of urgency and helplessness but the album ends in a very hopeful note which is so beautiful!!#lyrically is so impressive and breathtaking. man the way he feels everything so deeply 🫨❤️🩹#stunning compositions + so much heartbreak and existential despair and unsettling imagery and self-sacrifice#and distress and personal atonement and resignation and so much HOPE and LIFE and LIGHT#and also religious devotion (shocker i know lol)#and the Neil Young cover (shoot me!) is better than the original lol it's just so sweet and hopeful 💐#i really loved it so much!!#sufjan stevens#javelin
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Was talking today with a friend about how monumental it was for me as a trans person and a lesbian who was uncomfortably presenting feminine, to meet my butch best friend in college, and how just being friends with them, and hearing about their experience as a butch really allowed me the space to feel comfortable exploring my own gender expression and identity, and how I feel like I’m a more complete person for having known them because they made me feel so incredibly safe in the journey and I now feel so much more comfortable presenting the way I want to and not the way I expect people to want me to, and the friend I was talking to said that I was that for them. So dress as faggy as you fucking want to and be as loud as you want to about it. It’s your god-given right to be DRIPPING with dykery and transgenderism because you never know if you’re going to be that lightbulb moment or safe queer space for someone!
#it made me more emotional and happy than I could possibly describe#The opposite of generational trauma lol#anyway shout out to my butch best friend#for giving me my first buzz cut#and helping me find a website to order a binder from#etc#and for being so fucking supportive when I started to explore masculinity#So Teddy if you see this#Thank you for everything and I really owe this journey to myself and to you#because I know what I was like and I never would’ve made that journey when I did if it wasn’t for you and your support#I was really letting fear control my life and you were the first person who told me it didn’t have to be that way#And it changed my life in the most incredible way#I get to experience queerness and transness in such a joyful and euphoric way every single day now#so thank youuuuuuu#I love you so much and I feel so lucky to be your friend#I don’t know if you’ll ever see this#but I like the thought but it’s out there on my Tumblr and you might one day read this#and tell Soph to accept my follow request on TikTok#transgender#butch#lesbian
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did that just cure my depression? bitch maybe
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9-1-1 : LONE STAR I 1x08 ‘Monster Inside’ : Owen and TK have a heart to heart.
#needed to bring this here because i can't stop thinking of their paralleling conversation here#and owen telling him about the hereditary illness 😭#'I can’t marry carlos knowing that i have a death sentence hanging over my head' and 'I can't fall in love with one more thing that i#know I'm gonna lose dad..'#vs 'son we all have a death sentence handing over our heads' 'there is no guarantees.. not for anybody.. It's okay to love him even though#you might lose him' and 'you're not going to postpone anything you're just gonna move forward with your life' 😭#Owen comforting tk when he's spiraling about lose hanging over his horizon. making him see the silver linings despite it all.. and actually#his growth this time of not having wanting to hide things from tk anymore.. telling him that he needs him as much as tk needs his dad..#this is so huge and they both deserve it#but also its the fact that tk also grew through his love for carlos and keeps growing more in love with him#— how he feels invincible with this love because 'it's infinitely more powerful than the fear of losing it' 😭#but those 48 hours are gonna put him and carlos through the wringer.... between the euphoric high of getting married and#the devastating low of potentially having their future together jeopardised because it might come with a time limit#thank fucK we know everything is gonna be fine other wise I'd have been spiraling so bad because THEY DESERVE A FUCKING BREAK#911 lone star#tk strand#911 ls#ronen rubinstein#rafael silva#carlos reyes#owen strand#tarlos#monster inside#1x08#4x16#Rob lowe
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Guess who just got her first real haircut in 9 years?
Obligatory late oughts angle pic
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I LOVE TALES OF !!!!1!!1!11 🎉🥳🎊☀️🌻
#Ultimate comfort food series ✨💖#Been jamming out to all the openings in the past three days and I feel euphoric#especially ring a bell. Ring a bell is such a vibe actually that song just makes me smile#You only really realise how miserable and tired you were until you get some dopamine in your system again#Me I got 100% for the research phase of my folio and have at least a couple days before I have to commit to it wholeheartedly again#So in the meantime despite having so many other assignments (bio and chem…….:) I feel very relaxed and happy#Maybe I’ve lost it 😅#I legit do love viscomm tho I just also love making myself a slave to it#Because I KNOW if there’s one subject I can do really fucking good in it’s that!! ^^#And doing my folio so ✨ comprehensively ✨ only makes me better equipped for exams~#just pav things
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okay i'm struggling again
#she bork#tbd#idk i'll be fine life is just very mean and unfair and worst of all ordinary and dull. i go to work i come home i do nothing worthwhile.#weekends are never long enough and i never get to cram enough into them to enjoy myself. if life was mean but also generous and glamorous i#could maybe put up w it bc for every low there would be a high but it's not. it's just mean and you hit that low and then instead of it#being followed by a high you just end up on a plateau and eventually you hit another low. god i just don't think i was supposed to live in#this ordinary boring tedious life like i'm not made for it. not in a pretentious arrogant way but in a way that's like i'm going fucking#crazy like i have cabin fever but w my life rather than my environment (which tbh maybe they come down to one and the same). idk sometimes i#want to just blow up my life and go somewhere else and do something else and have fun and not feel so weighted down by responsibilities and#bills and worry about money specifically. like i was miserable in high school but now i think i look back on it fondly bc 1. no true#responsibilities or high stakes and/but 2. the stakes always FELT high like i was CONSTANTLY up and down and euphoric and depressed. not#healthy at all but it always felt like something was HAPPENING and now it just doesn't. i have always though that bored was the worst thing#to be and now here i am all the time it feels like. bored.#and again at the root of everything is that life is mean. mean mean mean. sometimes shit just HAPPENS that's bad and fucks you over and#there's nothing you can do about it. and again if there was something guaranteed to make up for it that would be fine but there's not. you#just have to recover and let it go and move on. and i'm not good at that
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i feel a little crazy because i can't be normal about anything but i'm so giddy rn
#chatterye#i started and finished a project today#that i told someone i would make for them#today..#but the endorphins i got from finishing are insane#i feel euphoric rn#i wish i knew what it was like to be normal#anyways she's cute and she is in BLACK!#AND I FUCKED UP AND TOOK AN HOUR TO FIX THE MISTAKE#only took 9 hours total#YAYYYYYY#i've watched so many streams today#just while working on this#do i have other work to do? absolutely#did i ignore all of it so could knit and crochet since 1:40 pm? also yes
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Impulsively bought gold earrings today and I'm regretting all of it
#Especially since the saleswoman asked ne if I want to try them on#Nd said she tries the earrings on#And i was like ew that's unhygienic but I didn't say anything#And now i need someone to put them in a fucking autoclave#Ans I told myself I need to start beinf smarter with my money#IS THIS FUCKING SMART#NO IT ISNT#THIS IS THE OPPOSITE OF SMART#I was feeling ugly because of my stupid new haircut and I was euphoric that my dentist didn't have to do anything to my teeth#And suddenly i just spent 160 euros#Fuck. Me.#I always think about shit i buy online for DAYS or WEEKS#And then I walk into a jewellery store at 9am and walk out 10 minutes later woth earrings i don't even want
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don’t mind me actively crying over a league of their own show. don’t mind me at all watching through sobs as max shows so much confidence wearing a suit and kissing a girl amongst other queer people giving her a home. don’t mind me at all. 🥹
#wow this show is..#i fucking love it#lesbian heaven#a league of their own#aloto series#it means a stupid lot to me god wtf man 😵💫#it reminded me of the first time i went to pride and that euphoric feeling i felt being safe amongst other people like me#i just…wooo i’m going through it tonight baby
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in other news im thinking about my (very very vague) portal jonelias au again
#jon as glados elias as chell#jon trying oh so very hard to be human and telling himself its because elias' test scores improve when he does#elias splorin the rest of the facility during his downtime#jon getting robot separation anxiety over not being able to see his (most beloved) best test subject#jon pretends the facility is still functional and the scientists are just doing other things but elias knows the truth#elias is just trying to find his robot boy so they can talk#and so he can kiss jon ofc#i also have some vague thoughts about. okay so#in portal 2 its revealed that successful tests are coded to be enjoyable or euphoric to the bot in charge of the facility#except that it lessens with each successful test and theyll slowly start to go mad trying to figure out how to get it back#glados ofc manages to (mainly) keep her cool even w/o this and jon does too obviously#but i have some thoughts about elias like. altering jon's code#im not entirely sure how elias ended up in the facility in the first place but im probably going to give him engineering / programming#skills (probably both)#so that he can alter jons body or his code#(mainly so that i can circumvent all of the fucked up shit but also for sex purposes)#elias: hey can i take a look at your code i wanna get rid of some of your limitations#jon: i think i hauve covid#also thinking about the eroticism of the machine. jon being able to feel everything that happens in the facility#(in the parts of the facility he can reach anyway)#he can feel elias fixing faulty wiring he can feel elias moving through the halls#he can feel elias touching panels etc etc#i imagine jon would be very much like 'im physically incapable of feeling affection for test subjects i am not defective im not broken#its fine'#rlly strugglign to grapple w/ his purpose as an unfeeling inhuman machine and the human parts of him that want to be expressed
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Me, about to read something that will absolutely trigger my most self destructive tendencies: Oh boy this will sure be relateable and in no way impact me in a negative way!
#i think the problem with a lot of self destructive behaviour is that it feels GOOD#i mean it also feels bad. like#physically#but in your head? it's fucking great#euphoric just to imagine#it feels so good to destroy yourself in a controlled way#fruktstund
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GUYS!!! rocky horror live is literally life fulfilling!!
#jay talks#JAY FUCKING SCREAMS AND DANCES AND FEELS EUPHORIC#plus i look hot as fuck#rocky horror#rocky horror aus
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