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Pav | she/her | I love JRPGs and my head children 🩷
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laios touden really is the best autistic character ive seen. the way that he was ostracized and misunderstood his whole life and even by his close companions. people constantly think he's weird and creepy. he feels a very deep resentment towards others for all this. he's not infantilized at all. he has a deep desire to become non-human to escape his own failure at being human. he's hot as hell. he does a really good impression of a dog.
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Also I’m going to come out and say it— literally every bump of chicken song I’ve heard I like better than karma. I’m sorry 😔
#Acacia and Sleepwalking Orchestra 🔥🔥🔥🔥#Not that Karma is bad or that I don’t like it I just don’t gel with it in the same quantities of say Dolphin#I think it’s a rhythm thing. Also strained vocals are such a vibe for me#Think Full Moon Full Life when it’s the full version (heh) the later verses feel so raw#Or like. Drifting Soul in Xeno 2#I NEED MY SONGS TO COMMIT TO THE BIT DAMMIT#also why I have middling feelings towards the p5t ost (why’s it so quiet??? The vocals feel so lost)#just pav things
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Ok but the thing is about Inigo is that he was MADE for a dungeon meshi AU.. like everything about his malnourished character combined with the fact that eating symbolises wanting to live in that media is like. they were made for each other
#Dism has that laios autism too#………..yes I did watch three episodes in my depression era yesterday fuck me I wasn’t going to work anyway I was too sad#now you know ✨✨✨#just pav things
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Im doing a thing so bare with me:
Without attaching a picture, either describe your selfsona or one of your ocs. You can be as detailed as you want.
Oh hi Chaos 👋 Sure!! I’ll do one of my ocs~ (@crowatyourwindow take it as practice for the lore I told you the other day 😉 I wanna see if you can get it without me explicitly naming them)
His eyes have a dullness to them, with the undersides laced with a faint darkness. Swirling, the rich indigo of his eyes are caught between past and present. He’s never truly living in either reality. The face is framed with wavy, medium-length hair knotted with a singular braid on the right, neatly held in place by a black newsboy-cap. Contrary to first impressions, the outfit works in service to that worn, fraying hat; the body harness that chokes his neck and wraps around his ribcage was born from the same feelings of guilt; none of his clothes have any softness in the fabric either. The pants are lilac and the long-sleeved shirt is greyish-navy. It’s been remarked that the whole fit was probably bought for the sum of $80 at hot topic, plastic electric-blue chains at the waist and all.
His figure is slender in the sinewy way, malnourished. He has the complexion of the clay at the beach cliffs, golden undertones in a supple brown. Tawny, almost. He only just reaches 5ft, short for his age as a 13-year-old.
In personality, he comes across as unusually cold and sharp-tongued— in reality, though, he’s the epitome of the hedgehog’s dilemma, craving deeply for human connection but fearing he’ll end up hurting another person again, so he maintains distance by keeping up a more aloof persona. Despite this, he truly loves his friends and is stubbornly loyal to them, in spite of his own wishes for self-destruction. If you were to get close to him, you’d find he’s actually rather sweet and a huge softie. A marshmallow in a titanium safe, if you will :)
#What’s his name? Well it’s Inigo ^^#I’m so glad he clicks especially with Chloe so I chose to write about him :>#Him and his guilt complex is fun for dayyyyys#you have no name#inigo saudade
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People liking your personal OCs is still such a crazy feeling, I've been doing this for years and ppl asking about them still fills my entire heart with warmth and idk how to handle it
You enjoy this fictional guy I made up for fun?? Whose only content is random artwork or writing made by me and a handful of other artists at most? They have no show/book/game with a large fandom, it's just one person with an art blog?? I love u
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Represention of Autistic Frustration in Laios Dungeon Meshi
Like many other autistic people, I related strongly to Laios Touden while reading Dungeon Meshi. This post isn't going to spend time disputing whether he displays autistic traits or not—while I could do that, I want to focus on why specifically his portrayal struck a chord with me in a way the writing of most other autistic-coded characters has not.
Disclaimer: as the above suggests, this post is strongly informed by my own experiences as an autistic person, as well as the experiences of my neurodivergent friends with whom I have spoken about this subject. I want to clarify that in no way am I asserting my personal experience to be some Universal Autistic Experience. This post is about why Laios' character feels distinct and significant to me in regard to autistic representation, and while I'm at it, I do feel that I have interesting things to say about autistic representation in media generally. This also got a bit long, so I'm sticking it under a read more. Spoilers for up to the end of chapter 88 below.
The thing that stands out most to me in regard to Laios' characterisation is the open anger he displays when someone points out his inability to read other people. This comes up prominently in his interactions with "Shuro" (Toshiro Nakamoto):
The frustration pictured above (Laios continuing to physically tussle with Toshiro, using crude language toward him) becomes even more notable when you remember that this is Laios, who, outside of these interactions, is not easily fazed and often exists as a lighthearted contrast to the rest of the cast. Then we get to Laios' nightmare.
In Falin's words: "Nightmares love emotional wounds. Wounds you hold in your heart. Things that give you stress, or things that were traumatic for you. They aggravate memories like that and cause the dreamer to have terrible dreams." (chapter 42, page 10.) (damn. i'm properly citing for this post and everything.)
Thus, Laios' nightmare establishes an important fact: even if he is unable to recognise social blunders while he's making them, he's at least subconsciously aware that other people operate on a different wavelength to him, and that he's an outsider in many of his social circles (both past and present). His dream-father's disparaging words stress the impact this has had upon his ability to live up to the expectations set out for him, and we also get a panel of kids who smirk at him (presumably former bullies to some degree). Toshiro's appearance only hammers home how much Laios is still both humiliated and angered by his misunderstanding of their relationship.
I've thought a lot about anger as concomitant to the autistic experience. When autistic representation portrays ostracization, it's generally from an angle of the autistic character being upset at how conforming to neurotypical norms doesn't come easily to them; as a result, they express a desire to 'get better' at meeting neurotypical standards, a desire to become more 'normal' (whether the writing implies this is a good thing or not). In contrast, not once does Laios go, "I need to perform better in my social interactions, and try to care less about monsters, because that's what other people find weird." His frustration is directed outward rather than inward, and as a result, it's the people around him who are framed as nonsensical.
The Winged Lion starts delineating Laios' anger, and Laios' reaction is to think to himself, "It can sense all my thoughts, huh?" (chapter 88, page 16.) This is the scene that really resonated with me. I'm not saying I have never felt the desire to conform to neurotypical norms that is borne from insecurity, but primarily, I know that I don't want to work toward becoming 'normal'—I don't want to change myself for people who follow rules I find nonsensical. It's the difference between, "Oh god, why can't I get it," and, "WHY CAN'T YOU GET IT?" (phrasing here courtesy of my friend Miles @dogwoodbite). And for me personally, Dungeon Meshi is the first time I've seen this frustration and the resultant voluntary isolation from other people portrayed in media so candidly. Laios' anger is not downplayed or written to be easily palatable, either.
The culmination of Laios' frustrations in this scene wherein we learn that Laios has fantasised about "a pack of monsters attacking a village" drives home just how alienated he really feels. I need not go into his wish to become a monster himself, redolent of how many autistic people identify/have identified with non-humans to some degree as a result of a percieved disconnect from society (when I was younger, I wanted to be a robot. I still kind of do.)
Obviously, wishing death upon other people is a weighty thing, but the unfiltered nature of this page is what deeply resonated with me. The Winged Lion is laying Laios' deepest and most transgressive desires bare, and they are desires that are a product of lifelong ostracization by others (whether intentional or unintentional). This is the brand of anger I'm familiar with, and that my neurodivergent friends express being familiar with, but that I haven't seen portrayed in writing so explicitly before—in fact, it surprised me because most well-meaning autistic representation I've experienced veers toward infantilisation in trying make the autistic character's struggles easy for neurotypicals to sympathise with.
Let's also not neglect the symbolism inherent to Laios' daydream. "A pack of monsters attacking a village". Functionally, monsters are Laios' special interest—he percieves everything first and foremost through his passion for monsters. His daydream of monsters attacking—killing—humans, is fundamentally a daydream of the world he understands (monsters) overthrowing the world that is so illogical to him, that has repeatedly shunned him (other people). I joked to my friends that it's an autistic power fantasy, and it actually sort of is. And in it, his identity is aligned with that of the monsters, while his anger manifests in a palpable dissociation from the rest of humanity. This is one manga page. It's brief. It's also very, very raw to me. I think about it often.
To conclude, I love Laios Dungeon Meshi. This portrayal of open frustration in an autistic character meant a lot to me, and I hope I've sufficiently outlined why. Also, feel free to recommend media with autistic representation in the notes if you've read this far—I would really like to see if there is more of this nature. Thank you for reading. I'm very tired and should probably sleep now.
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every autistic person watching this episode of dungeon meshi:
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Aww, Kanji had a dream about giving Yu a giant stuffed bunny!
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accidentally got addicted to drawing rise i think
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I’m just trying to work and my parents are so ajdhdhcjejsjsjduwodidjwis
#Slapped in the head… again…#I’ve amounted to the biggest disappointment to them for not wanting to do med anymore#but where the fuck am I supposed to get $300 to do the UCAT when I’m their freeloading little bitch#I don’t even think it’s a smart move to do it in school you’d be better off grinding for it when you’re graduated#I don’t have the brain for the atar either as I’ve seen… in what world would they let me in one of the 135 pregrads when#there’s much brighter and richer and neurotypical people out there#I don’t know what to do and what will make me happy#I just want to have money to live comfortably… a stupid figure these days anyways#I just want to be happy..#sad pav hours
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grrrr fine, I will not steal your pets. I’ll be nice I swear just pls keep telling me about your lore please please please
Trust me, doggo-Archie will NOT take kindly to being stolen, so you are correct in being nice and hearing the misadventures of technically-half-doggo-Archie instead 😌
#In the words of Roz from Monsters Inc… I am always watching :P#just pav things#my blog is becoming text hell……. Need some art on here asap 😭
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someone put this in our school bathroom LMAO
#I thought these red bricks looked familiar and then chloe confirmed it 😂 glad to see this important history preserved#the ‘ask candice for more details’ kills me for obvious reasons (iykyk… so the troupe of year 11s following me now 👋)#f#to keep
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I will steal your pets 😈
I will place a restraining order on you and forbid you to know any more oc lore 😈😈😈
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My gender is the most beautiful thing
Aww that’s lowkey sweet thanks autocomplete 🥺🥺
Type "my gender is" on your phone and let your phone finish the sentence, then tag your moots to keep the chain going, I'll go first.
My gender is a little bit more intense than I thought I could have done
@mirukosbitchywife @get-junpeid
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