The end, not only of his studying for today, but of his studying altogether, unless he did something in his own defense.

~ Franz Kafka, Diary from 29th May, 1914

“I can bring her comfort and respond to her pain, which few can understand as I can”

Past May 29 was the 166th anniversary of the death of Archduchess Sophie, the eldest child of Emperor Franz Josef and Empress Elisabeth; and because of a turn of fate, the day before that was the 151th anniversary of the death Sophie’s namesake, her grandmother Archduchess Sophie, born a Princess of Bavaria.

In Elisabeth's biographies Baby Sophie's death tends to be portrayed as the first in what would be a long list of tragedies in the Empress' life. And yet many of them also pay little attention to it, dedicating it one or two paragraphs. But a piece of information they (almost) never fail to give in the few lines they use is this: that Archduchess Sophie actively blamed the infant’s death on her daughter-in-law, adding more pain to the already devastated young mother.

There are different variations in each biography, but the story goes as it follows: after the Hungarian tour was announced, Elisabeth had insisted in taking both of her daughters to the trip, which infuriated the Archduchess, since she thought the girls were to delicate to make the trip. A fight broke out. The court doctor decided that the archduchesses were in conditions to go to Hungary, so they went. But the girls fell ill soon after arriving, and eventually the eldest died. Archduchess Sophie thought that the child's death was Elisabeth's fault for taking her against her wishes, and told her so. This story is no more harshly portrayed than in the miniseries Sisi (2009), where Sophie tells “it’s your fault” to Elisabeth as she cries over her daughter's coffin.

This was what I read when I first learned about the little girl’s passing, and, as a newby, I didn’t question it. But as I continued to research Elisabeth and the Imperial family, I became interested in Sophie not as Sisi’s mother-in-law, but as an individual, and since then I started to grab this kind of statements with a grain of salt. Where does this come from, anyway? From someone’s correspondance? From a witness? Did this story originated around the time of the girl's death, or only later on?

Lately I finally got my hands on Unsere liebe Sisi, a collection of Sophie’s letters regarding her daughter-in-law. I read the chapter dedicated to Baby Sophie's death, and what I found in those letters was a far cry from what was depicted in Sisi (2009). So what was Archduchess Sophie's reaction to her granddaughter's death?

Before I beging sharing the letters, I must make the disclaimer that I don't know German and that I used a machine translation, so the nuances are lost. Also Sophie had the habit of abbreviating words, I could guess most of them with my very limited knowledge of German vocabulary but some I had no idea. So that affected the translation in some cases. Lastly, all the bolding in the letters is mine. That being said, let's beging.

First let's put the 1857 trip into context. This was a planned State visit, not a vacation. Relations with Hungary remained tense after the 1849 counter-revolution, so the goal of the tour was to try to reconcile the Hungarians with the still unpopular Emperor. Since the Italian tour of 1856 had gone relatively well, mainly do the young Empress' presence, they tried to replicate the effect in Hungary. They were set to depart on May 4 and stay until June 23. Everyday was packed with activities: meeting with dignitaries and Church representatives, attending to Mass, public parades, visits to every important city in Hungary, gala dinners, etc. The imperial couple's daughters were not meant to appear at any public event, they had been taken to be closer to their parents, but still they were to stay in Buda with their nannies for the entirety of the tour.

Although I'm yet to find a biography that cites a single source about the alleged fight between Elisabeth and her mother-in-law on whether taking the girls to Hungary or not, it could be possible, since Sophie doesn't sound terribly excited about the girls going. In a letter to her son Archduke Max dated May 7 she wrote of the enthusiasm which the imperial couple had been received. On the arrival of the little archduchesses to Hungary a day after their parents she says:

The children arrived on Tuesday at half past seven in the evening in bad weather, but were nevertheless received by a large crowd with stormy cheers; I only hope that they did not scream and cry in their terror…

Only a few days after the tour begun, Gisela fell ill with fever. At first it was thought that it was do to teething, but the next day Baby Sophie also fell ill. As the days passed Gisela got better, but her sister only got worse. When this happened Archduchess Sophie was in Saxony with her twin sister Queen Marie. Slowly, news on the girls’ health reached her. Again to Max she wrote on May 22:

Franzi writes me much and in detail about our poor little Sophie's unfortunately very serious illness, which, however, on the 19th, when he wrote to me, he did not yet seem to believe was dangerous.

(…) I immediately asked Franzi by telegraph for news of the evening, and when we returned yesterday from a beautiful promenade... I received a very reassuring telegraphic dispatch, which I read with fear and anxiety in the presence of good old Cuz.... [not identified], who had taken such deep pity on me and who had prayed so fervently with Aunt Marie and me for our poor baby during the afternoon service in the Chapel on the hill...

In this letter Sophie goes in detail on Baby Sophie’s agony and her parents desperation, but what I wanted to highlight was the ending, which shows how anguished the Archduchess was over her granddaughter’s condition.

Two days later Sophie improved and the parents were given the all-clear to continue their trip. Sophie informed her son Archduke Karl Ludwig on May 24:

... I am now doubly enjoying the pleasant life with good Aunt Marie, since the news from Ofen about our poor baby has been so reassuring. The poor parents were able to leave the children on Saturday with a lighter heart [in order to continue their journey through Hungary], but it takes me a lot to have to be separated from them now. By the way, Gisela has been well and fresh again for a long time

But sadly Baby Sophie's recovery was only momentary, and she died five days later. The whole family was heartbroken. Sophie's pain comes across her letters, but also her faith. She, like her son, tried to accept the child's death with Catholic resignation. She opens this letter from May 31 to her sister Ludovika, Elisabeth's mother, like this:

So we still had to give up our beloved child. She was to die in Hungary; that was God's will; we must hold fast to this faith so as not to perish in lamentation.

She describes Ludovika of the miserable state she found her son and his wife, then she tells her that:

In the short time during which God lent us the sweet child, she spread so much love, joy and happiness over all of us, as her small but already quite abundant powers made possible. There is one thought that is firmly in my mind, which I thought over and over again when I saw the great sacrifice that God demanded of our poor children coming ever closer, namely, thanks to God that you, my poor, much-tried Luise, did not know our dear baby in all her freshness of life, cheerfulness and such charming, loving kindness as I did, for this memory is now my greatest torment.

Sophie was no stranger to this kind of grief. She herself had once lost an infant daughter, Maria Anna, who died after a seizure aged only four-years-old. There is no doubt her little girl was on her mind, since she said it herself. To Karl Ludwig she wrote on June 6:

Sisi feels the need to speak of her beloved child, to surround herself with everything that reminds her of her child, so I can thank God that I can bring her comfort and respond to her pain, which few can understand as I can.

She also remembered her in a letter to Max dated June 4:

...The poor little girl still suffered a lot the last night, but when, thank God, her parents arrived on the 29th at half past ten in the morning, wonderfully fast from Debrecen, which they had left about noon the day before, she was already completely exhausted, but calm and remained conscious until 10 minutes before her death, which took place at half past ten in the evening. The agony began at 3 o'clock in the afternoon, but despite some involuntary cries - as with Anna - she does not seem to have suffered

It had been seventeen years since the little Archduchess Maria Anna passed away, but her memory was still present in her mother. Sophie truly understood better than anyone else the pain of loosing a young daughter to an illness, and had nothing but sympathy towards Elisabeth. To think that she, out of all people, would tell her daughter-in-law that her beloved child’s death was her fault seems almost vile to me after reading Sophie’s letters.

But, even if she didn’t say it to her face, did Sophie think Elisabeth somehow was to blame?

If she did, she never wrote it down. I'm sure that if a letter or diary entry from Sophie explicitly blaming Elisabeth existed, it would've been published in every single book about the empress in existence. But in her letters she only talks about the grief of the family and trusting God's will, though in this letter to Max there is an indication that she did thought Hungary had been the cause of the girl's illness:

It was as if the poor child clearly felt that the air in Hungary was not good for her, for even before and during her illness she often said 'Please go to Milan', where she was so well (...) Sisi and Franzi told me that the little one had been so beautiful in the last hour and after death, she also looked so friendly the other day [the day after her death], where the parents still saw her before and after mass before her departure. It hurt Sisi so much to have to leave her, she would have liked to come back with her, but she did not want to let the Emperor leave alone. It was also a heavy sacrifice for her to have to leave the dear poor child on the 23rd, when she was only apparently better, in order to continue the journey through Hungary. She only gave in to [Archduke] Albrecht's imploring plea, who was so keen to give the ever-loyal Jazyphians and Cumanians [?] the good fortune of being able to admire the Empress, who made such a favorable impression everywhere in Hungary as well as in Italy. Now it is so painful for the poorest woman to think that she was away from her beloved child for the last days of her life. I told her in consolation that God would certainly give her credit for the difficult sacrifice.

Not only seems that Elisabeth herself felt guilty about having been away from her child while she was ill, but Sophie actually tried to put her mind at ease, instead of making her feel even more guilty. Also in this letter a figure rather forgotten in the 1857 Hungarian tour emerges, and whom perhaps did had some blame to bear: Archduke Albrecht.

Albrecht was a grandson of Leopold II, Holy Roman Emperor, and the head of the Teschen Habsburg branch. He was the archduke who had the most influence on Franz Josef, and had been governor of Hungary since 1851. Every step of the tour had been planned by him, and it was because of his insistance that the imperial couple continued with their trip when Baby Sophie only seemed to have improved, despite Elisabeth wanting to stay with her child. We don't know if he ever felt remorse for continuing the tour during the last days of Baby Sophie's life, but interestingly Archduchess Sophie notes that she found Albrecht in Laxemburg, where the young Empress was staying:

(...) The day before yesterday I took Ludwig [Viktor] with me, who was just due for a few hours without lessons, and found Albrecht and Hildegard [his wife, and also a first cousin of Elisabeth] in Laxenburg.... Albrecht returns to Ofen (Budapest) on Friday.

Albrecht and Hildegard probably went to give their condolences to the grieving mother, but we don't know how their meeting went down.

So, if it isn't in the Archduchess' correspondance, where did the idea of Sophie blaming Elisabeth originated?

This time I didn't need to look for some obscure source to find a (likely) answer: it's Egon Corti's classic biography of Empress Elisabeth.

Elizabeth wept from morning till night and talked of nothing but her baby, and she felt her first meeting with the archduchess Sophie most terribly. Seeing the Empress’ grief, her mother-in-law tactfully refrained from comment, but in every order and every word Elizabeth thought she could detect an unspoken reproach, suggesting that the disaster would not have happened if only they had listened to the Archduchess’ wise and experienced advice. Elizabeth was now nineteen, but she felt as though she had been married for at least ten years and could not understand that Sophie’s attitude toward her was still that of a sensible old mother toward an inexperienced child.

Although his biography is generally well-sourced, he doesn't provide any source for this statement. Perhaps it's Countess Mária Festetics' diary? But if that is the source, why not say? Or directly quote it?

It should be noted, however, that according to Corti, Elisabeth thought that her mother-in-law blamed her, not that Sophie told her so. The Empress was full of guilt, so it wouldn't surprise me if she truly felt that everyone, and specially Sophie, held her responsible for what happened. I don't know if Corti was the first biographer in making this claim (during the 1920s there were a couple of biographies of Elisabeth that I hadn't had access), but his work is both very popular and highly regarded, so posterior biographers were likely quoting him when they repeated this claim. But the more the story was repeated, the more it changed, until Sophie turned into a wicked mother-in-law torturing a young grieving mother for something she had no control of, instead of the heartbroken grandmother that, again, had lost her little girl.

omg yes please, would love that

Okay! Here it is:

Slouching Toward Bethlehem - Joan Didion (he’s also mentioned reading most of Didion’s work and he really loves her prose style but I think this one’s his fav)

On The Road- Jack Kerouac

Queer- William S. Burroughs (and Junkie, the two are related. Matty has a tattoo related to Queer so I guess that’s the one he likes more)

Infinite Jest- David Foster Wallace (he read this while in rehab. Guys, this book is a thousand pages long. It took me AGES. It’s not for the faint of heart either. The fact that he read it while in rehab….that’s the most Matty thing he’s ever done.)

A Season in Hell- Arthur Rimbaud

Open Ground- Seamus Heaney (one of his favorite poets)

Less Than Zero- Bret Easton Ellis

Frankenstein - Mary Shelley

In Cold Blood- Truman Capote (that’s where the Truman Black nickname comes from!)

The Stranger (some translations call it “The Outsider” but it’s the same book!)- Albert Camus

Trout Fishing in America- Richard Brautigan

The Metamorphosis- Franz Kafka

Letters To A Young Poet- Rilke

The Revolution of Everyday Life

The Society of Spectacle (that’s where the lyric in “Loving Someone” comes from)

There’s a LOT more. On religion and architecture and stuff. Let me know if you want the rest too

New Coining Event!

Hello and welcome to Synth’s Coining Rockin’ Event (or the “cre coining event” for the sane), a coining event entirely centered around rock music! Everything from J-Rock, to grunge, to hair metal! Any and everyone is welcome to participate! The event is going to last from May 1st to June 15! 

There aren’t really any rules, just some stuff I’d like to say before we get to the prompts. Every day of the event has two prompts, in theory the first one is a more known song and the second less known and also similar/linked in some way, but I don’t know how good of a job I did at that. It’s totally cool to do both prompts or just one, going off actual relation, vibes, whatever works! I’d like to ask that no one does genders just related to the listed song or songs/albums, just so we can avoid recoinings, but everything else is up for grabs!

Everyone is free to do all days, just a couple, multiple prompts a day, whatever floats your boat!

If anyone is interested in some tags they could use to organize or find terms, I have some of those under the cut. With all that out of the way, here are the prompts!

May 1st: November Rain (Guns N’ Roses) // (Don’t Fear) The Reaper (Blue Oyster Cult) May 2nd: Smells Like Teen Spirit (Nirvana) // Slither (Velvet Revolver) May 3rd: Dream On (Aerosmith) // Knockin’ On Heaven’s Door (any version) May 4th: Girls, Girls, Girls (Motley Crue) // Talk Dirty To Me (Poison) May 5th: Welcome to the Jungle (Guns N’ Roses) // Nightrain (Guns N’ Roses) May 6th: Every Rose Has Its Thorn (Poison) // Snuff (Slipknot) May 7th: I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing (Aerosmith) // I’d Die For You (Bon Jovi) May 8th: Livin’ On A Prayer (Bon Jovi) // Viva la Gloria! (Green Day) May 9th: You Give Love A Bad Name (Bon Jovi) // Shot Through The Heart (Bon Jovi) May 10th: Slippery When Wet (Bon Jovi) // 7800° Degrees Fahrenheit (Bon Jovi) May 11th: Dr. Feelgood (Motley Crue) // London Calling (The Clash) May 12th: American Idiot (Green Day) // 21st Century Breakdown (Green Day) May 13th: The Black Parade (My Chemical Romance) // Danger Days: The True Lives Of the Fabulous Killjoys (My Chemical Romance) May 14th: Comfortably Numb (Pink Floyd) // Give Me Novacaine (Green Day) May 15th: Numb (Linkin Park) // Shadow On the Sun (Audioslave) May 16th: Are We the Waiting (Green Day) // The Thin Ice (Pink Floyd) May 17th: Everlong (Foo Fighters) // She’s a Rebel (Green Day) May 18th: I Don’t Love You You (My Chemical Romance) // Don’t Cry (Guns N’ Roses) May 19th: Basketcase (Green Day) // Everyday is News (Shinsei Kamattechan) May 20th: Holiday (Green Day) // God Save the Queen (Sex Pistols) May 21st: Bohemian Rhapsody (Queen) // Homecoming (Green Day) May 22nd: Rock You Like a Hurricane (Scorpions) // Young Lust (Pink Floyd) May 23rd: Somebody Told Me (The Killers) // Michael (Franz Ferdinand) May 24th: The Sharpest Lives (My Chemical Romance) // Kickstart My Heart (Motley Crue) May 25th: In The End (Linkin Park) // Last Resort (Papa Roach) May 26th: Pour Some Sugar On Me (Def Leppard) // Cherry Pie (Warrant) May 27th: Here I Go Again (Whitesnake) // Street Of Dreams (Guns N’ Roses) May 28th: Should I Stay Or Should I Go (The Clash) // American Woman (Lenny Kravitz) May 29th: Shout At the Devil (Motley Crue) // The Hardest Part Is The Night (Bon Jovi) May 30th: Closer (Nine Inch Nails) // Wither (Tech N9ne, Corey Taylor) May 31st: I Love Rock N’ Roll (Joan Jett) // Mental Health(Bang Your Head) (Quiet Riot) June 1st: Master of Puppets (Metallica) // Under The Bridge (Red Hot Chili Peppers) June 2nd: Enter Sandman (Metallica) // Nightmare (Avenged Sevenfold) June 3rd: Toxicity (System Of A Down) // Carnivore (Body Count) June 4th: Nevermind (Nirvana) // Whatever (Adore Delano) June 5th: Sweet Child O’ Mine (Guns N’ Roses) // Born To Be My Baby (Bon Jovi) June 6th: Psychosocial (Slipknot) // Welcome to Horrorwood (Ice Nine Kills) June 7th: A Little Piece of Heaven (Avenged Sevenfold) // Enthrone (CHTHONIC) June 8th: Walk This Way (Aerosmith or Aerosmith, Run D.M.C.) // Bring The Noise (Public Enemy, Anthrax) June 9th: Rocket Man (Elton John) // Purple Haze (Jimi Hendrix) June 10th: Say It Ain’t So (Weezer) // Inside Out (Eve 6) June 11th: Letterbomb (Green Day) // Better (Guns N’ Roses) June 12th: I Write Sins Not Tragedies (Panic! At The Disco) // Sugar, We’re Goin’ Down (Fall Out Boy) June 13th: Combat Rock (The Clash) // Never Mind the Bollocks, Here’s the Sex Pistols (The Sex Pistols) June 14th: Runaway Train (Soul Asylum) // Patience (Guns N’ Roses) June 15th: Dust N’ Bones (Guns N’ Roses) // Homebound Train (Bon Jovi)

For anyone interested, here are the tags I’ll be using to organize genders related to certain bands. No one has to use them, but I thought someone would be interested and I’m bored! Also, all of these terms have already been coined, by me or someone else, that’s why not everything has a tag

Guns N’ Roses - #nrosesgender

Bon Jovi - #bonjender // #bonjovigender

Motley Crue - #cruegender

Green Day - #greendaygender

Slipknot - #slipknotgender

Poison - #poisoningender

My Chemical Romance - #mychemancegender

The Clash - #clashgender

The Sex Pistols - #sextolgender // #sextolsgender

Avenged Sevenfold - #sevenfoldgender

Shinsei Kamattechan - #kamattegender

Red Hot Chili Peppers - #rhcpgender

Metallica - #metallicagender

Nirvana - #nirvanagender

Body Count - #bodycountgender

Linkin Park - #linkinian

Aerosmith - #aerosmithgender

Velvet Revolver - #velvolvergender

Quiet Riot - #quiotgender // #rietgender

Hello on this beautiful Saturday! 🖤✨

Thank you @kashacreates for a tag!

Tell me about a writer, book, or style you’re inspired by or are actively studying to figure out how to make it work with your style.

Shall we? ✨

~~~

I will bend the question by saying that I get inspiration comes from many writers. To count then and their microinfluences on my writing, I would have to write and write. I will mention some of them and what inspires me from their writing ✒️

1. @circa-specturgia - worldbuilding process

My dearest @circa-specturgia, they are so amazing in their worldbuilding process, how they organise it and build it brick by brick. You are my inspiration and helped me a lot with the worldbuilding and planning my writing! Thank you ❤️✨

2. Franz Kafka - multi metaphor of Everyman's lives

This Czech author was amazing writer, who portrait social problems of the 1930s. His stories was stricte grotesque, but so deep after proper interpretation. I read "Process" in preparation for my A-levels in highschool and it was one of the strangest but also interesting books I've ever read. I really want to create stories that cover social problems of grey, normal people and their daily life by the grotesque and metaphor.

3. Albert Camus - the parable

"The Plague" is my favourite book from highschool. Albert Camus is existential author, who's books and essays used archetypes to present the reality of 1930s/1940s and types of human nature. I want to present humans' behaviours through such interesting characters as Camus: easy to pick up on and causing the reflection about certain topics.

4. Rick Riordan and @neil-gaiman - effortless humour

Those two writers, each differently, have the ability to effortlessly put humour in their writing.

Rick Riordan with "Kane Chronicles" made me laugh several times because of historical jokes and fun portrayal of gods.

@neil-gaiman charmed me with his grotesque portrayal of biblical figures in "Good Omens". I fell in love with Aziraphale and Crowley and situational humour of their adventures.

5. @aliceoseman, David Jenkins, Taika Waititi- portrayal of LGBTQ+ community

"Heartstopper" became the story that felt so natural, relatable and true to me. I wish I could portray members of the community as normal people with ups and downs, struggles, adventures, love, friendships and beautiful hearts 🏳️‍🌈

David and Taika in "Our Flag Means Death" gave me a new view on presenting queer representation in media. They wrote the show, where queerness isn't something extraordinary, it's just there. Also I love the fact that the characters aren't just young people, which isn't popular portrayal of queer people in mass media 🏳️‍🌈

And many, many more...

~~~

Those are only some authors that inspire me in everyday creativity. I hope that one day I will be able to put some of their greatness into my work 🥺

Bye bye 👋

Franz West

West’s unconventional and ambitious works I believe they are the perfect embodiment for the explanation of my forms. I am most interested in the works of West’s that also double as interactive furniture pieces. The idea of rejecting the traditional passive response between art and audience is present throughout these large, organic forms. West explored this interesting idea of the dialogue between viewers and objects while also exploring the aesthetic relationships between sculpture and painting.

Similarly to my own practice, there are hints of manipulating everyday materials and imagery to look into an artwork's relation to the outside world and social experience. Action and reaction are at large throughout his works.

Form in a contemporary art context can take so many forms. It of course means the physical composition of the finished product, but I am also interested in the many forms a work can take during the creation process. Yes, the final form is the one most people will see, but I love the intimacy between art and artist when it comes to the making process of the forms. Most of the time only I get to see the beginning and middle products of my forms (unless my work is strewn all across my flat and studio space, for everyone to trip on) and I think that the uniqueness of this experience is at most times overlooked. With this in mind, I tend to lengthen the time that I am making, giving myself a bit more time to fully appreciate my sculpture in all of its varying forms at the different stages of its life as an art piece. I want the viewer to spend a decent amount of time with my works, just like how I spend a decent amount of time creating them. This is where my use of texture comes into play.

Celebrities and gossip

Celebrities and gossip Celebrities and gossip, top news and gossip From 24-7 Press Release Newswire and youtube video collections. The lowest form of popular culture - lack of information, misinformation, and a contempt for the truth or the reality of most people's lives - has overrun real journalism. Today, ordinary Americans are being stuffed with garbage. Carl Bernstein I have no use for people who throw their weight around as celebrities, or for those who fawn over you just because you are famous. Walt Disney Not all celebrities are dunces. Carroll O’Connor I hate celebrities. I really hate them. Billie Joe Armstrong I can’t stand the gossip of celebrities’ lives, all the time! Every minute! William Shatner I don’t like celebrities; I don’t hang out with them; I don’t relate to that life. Lady Gaga Look at the way celebrities and politicians are using Facebook already. When Ashton Kutcher posts a video, he gets hundreds of pieces of feedback. Maybe he doesn’t have time to read them all or respond to them all, but he’s getting good feedback and getting a good sense of how people are thinking about that and maybe can respond to some of it. Mark Zuckerberg Adriana Lima Victoria's Secret Runway Walk Compilation 2003-2016 Gossip About Vips and Celebrities. The psychological aspect. By nature, humans are chatterers, says psychologist Robin Dunbar. He suggests that gossip is the human version of social grooming-a behavior common among other social primates in which one ape or monkey strokes the fur and picks fleas and ticks from the coat of another ape or monkey to strengthen group ties. Like social grooming, which helps other primates form alliances based on codependence, gossip helps humans develop trusting relationships and foster social bonds. Without that instinct to share the latest on a friend, peer or family member, there would be no sophisticated society, Dunbar claims, suggesting that societies depend on the individual’s ability to rely on others and understand something of the workings of another’s mind. About 65 percent of people’s discussions involve gossip - often to entertain or help strengthen group ties. One might think celebrity worship is a modern phenomenon, but from the gods on Olympus in ancient Greece to the bobby-soxers swooning over Frank Sinatra in the late 1930s and ’40s to Brad and Angelina today, adulation of the stars is an age-old pursuit, psychologists say. The public’s fascination with celebrities “may seem new because we are such a media-immersed society, but it’s really not,” said Stuart Fischoff, senior editor at the Journal of Media Psychology and emeritus professor of media psychology at California State University, Los Angeles. When the composers Frederic Chopin and Franz Liszt performed in the 19th century, women threw their underwear at them. And 80 years after the death of silent-film star Rudolph Valentino, fans continue to visit his grave, Fischoff noted. Celebrities tap into the public’s primal fantasies and basic emotions, lifting people from their everyday lives and making them believe anything is possible, said Dr. John Lucas, a clinical assistant professor of psychology at Weill Cornell Medical College and an assistant attending psychiatrist at New York-Presbyterian Hospital in New York City. Humans at the core are social beings, and research has shown that the less connected people feel, the more they turn to celebrities, said Adam Galinsky, an expert in ethics and social psychology and a professor at the Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern University. “It’s a very adaptive and functional behavior.” Lucas added, however, that while worshipping the rich and famous is harmless in itself, it could be perceived as symptomatic of a rootless culture in which many people feel a sense of isolation. “What we know of celebrities through People magazine and other media sources fills a gaping and painful void in our lives,” Lucas said. The dwindling influence of religion adds to that sense of yearning in people, he added, making the stars’ exploits and eccentricities, their loves and losses, more than a form of entertainment. “Religion is faltering, and in the process people are grappling with infantile wishes, with magical thinking,” he said. Social instinct, suggests research by Frank McAndrew, PhD, an applied social psychology professor at Knox College. Our interest in celebrity gossip-as well as dirt on our family, friends and acquaintances-may be a byproduct of our evolutionary past, McAndrew says. Natural selection, he theorizes, pressured people to learn as much as possible about the people in their social network-be they an authority figure, potential romantic partner, teacher, political ally or enemy. Knowing about other group members helped people eschew risky alliances, by informing them, for instance, which group member might double-cross them. “If you weren’t curious about others, you’d pay the consequences,” McAndrew says. In the process, gossiping also helped facilitate bonds by showing others we trust them enough to share information. Throughout most of human history, McAndrew explains, humans not only had to cooperate with a social network of about 200 people for food and protection, they also had to compete with those same in-group members for the most desirable mates. His research about the appeal of gossip is part of a growing body of literature indicating that we’re drawn to gossip because it keeps us informed about the lives of the people in our social circle. That social circle is now much bigger, and so less tied to our survival, but the instinct to gossip is just as strong. Because we see and hear celebrities’ images and voices on television, radio and magazines, we gossip about them as if they are members of our social network, McAndrew says. “Gossip is like chocolate,” says psychologist Charlotte DeBacker, PhD, a University of Santa Barbara postdoctoral fellow and author of the forthcoming Dutch-language book, “Gossip: Why Gossip Can Be Healthy” (MOM/Unieboek, 2006). Humans are drawn to fatty, sweet foods like chocolate because such high-calorie foods were once our lifeblood in lean times. As a result, people crave those foods-even when they are not in dire need of calories. Likewise, the pleasure that people derive from gossip can create a tendency to “dish dirt” even when the subject matter doesn’t affect our lives, such as with celebrity gossip, or when divulging information could be more risky, such as at work, says DeBacker. In a follow-up study published in the same article, Dunbar and his colleagues examined the topics within that social banter by grouping the discussions into four categories: whether people were keeping track of other individuals in their social network; bragging about themselves as a romantic partner, friend or ally; seeking advice; or condemning slackers or free loaders. He found that the first two topics dominated conversations, suggesting that the exchange of social information may be one of the primary functions of language. As such, Dunbar agrees with McAndrew and DeBacker’s suggestions that the pleasure we derive from gossip is a side effect of an evolutionary pull to gain knowledge about one’s group. “Language evolved for social purposes, not spreading technical information like whether it will rain or how to get from New York City to Washington, D.C.,” he says. “Knowledge of the social world has a much deeper purpose... It’s not just the fact that I saw Jimmy kiss Penelope, but how that incident relates to me and the group.” Top 10 Most Important People Around The World Top 10 Richest People In The World Top 13 Richest Celebs Under 25 in the World Top 10 Most Famous Female Models in the World Top 10 Most Popular Male Singers 2017 Top 10 Most Iconic Female Singers of All Time Top 10 Richest Actors in the World 2016 Top 10 Most Successful Youtubers Top 10 Famous Speeches People  http://feeds.reuters.com/reuters/peopleNews Celebrities  http://rss.24-7pressrelease.com/rss/ae_celebrities.xml Read the full article

FMP - artists + relevant projects research

I was a bit stuck with how to position my project so I had to do some more research on similar projects, especially graphic novels and comics that are illustration centred and that they have a theme around mental health in young people or a theme that has to do with creating various characters and escaping through them.

1.Debbie Tung

First I was looking at the work of Debbie Tung, a Birmingham based illustrator that creates graphic novels based on her own experiences and difficulties an how she gets through them. Something that I like about her work is that even if she deals with quite hard themes sometimes, she manages to give it a fun twist, which makes it more lighthearted and enjoyable without diminishing her messages. This is something that I would like to achieve with my project as I don't want it to become too sad and depressing for the reader.

2. Sarah Andersen

I then looked at the work of Sarah Andersen, an American comic book author and illustrator. Her work is mostly about everyday struggles of young adults, especially girls. Her illustration style is not my favourite but I like how she has managed to keep her work fun, relatable and engaging for a young audience. I enjoy how she has managed to turn insecurities and issues with self perception into fun comics that don’t give off the negative feeling that sometimes comes with those subjects to youth. Conceptually I would like to achieve something similar to that with my work.

3. Tarah Booth

I also found a very interesting article about the work of Tarah Booth. Once again the illustration style is not my favourite but the concept of her work is very close to what I want to create. She uses her art to illustrate her hopes and dreams for the future and to find balance within herself. Similarly I have always seen my character and their universe as a safe space that I can take my mind whenever I am feeling sad or lonely. Booth, in her book “ The Cabin in the Woods” she has illustrated her a dreamy scenario of herself leaving the city and finding peace in nature living with two dogs. She also states that she likes putting her anxieties on paper for others to relate to. I feel the same when I illustrate my character and I find it very cathartic. I hope to create something that others will be able to understand my feelings when I was in the process of making it because my character is my way to put on paper things that I can’t put in words.

4. Aisha Franz

Moreover I discovered the work of Aisha Franz and more specifically her graphic novel “Earthling”. Earthling is about a mom and her two daughters that each one of them escapes into imaginary worlds to cope with or avoid the struggles of everyday life. Even if the story is dealing with slightly darker themes , it is presented in a fun and humorous way and the illustrations stay positive by having a bright colour palette. I think this is one of the closest projects that relates to my current work and I hope that I could apply a similar approach to my project.

links:

1. https://debbietung.com/books

2. https://sarahcandersenshop.com

3. https://www.itsnicethat.com/articles/tara-booth-cabin-in-the-woods-illustration-160719

4. https://www.itsnicethat.com/articles/aisha-franz-earthling

Gasly Plight “Immensely Relatable”

Pierre Gasly being overlooked for the Red Bull seat in 2021 is “immensely relatable”, according to F1 fans.

“In many ways, Pierre reminds me of me at my menial job. A talented individual, passed over for promotion time and time again, despite performing extremely well in the job, and showing extreme loyalty to the company, despite getting treated like shit by every member of management. Is that a description of me or Gasly? Well... me, since Gasly seems to get treated like shit by every manager EXCEPT AlphaTauri team principal Franz Tost, but it certainly applies to us both!” claimed the fan.

“I, too, understand the pain Pierre is going through. Working a job you hate in a shithole like North Shropshire, going to work everyday with a neverending feeling of misery and underachievement, being paid a pittance for your troubles, despite knowing you’re better than this. I mean, I’m not being paid millions a year to travel across the world and do a job I love, admittedly, but I still feel his pain nevertheless! We stan one (1) relatable French driver.” said an entirely different fan.

It is unclear if the inability to secure the Red Bull seat makes Pierre more relatable than Lando was with his back pain earlier in the season, but it’s understood that it is “too close to call” as Americans would say.

Do you have any tips about writing magical realism? Or about dialogue-writing? And I'd like to choose 1 (What made you write the story <Mugen Chronicles> this way?)

Anayrovi, I’m so sorry this took so long, but here we are! 

Here are also the links for the questions and the series for anyone interested! 

Ask + Questions

Mugen Chronicles

Do you have any tips about writing magical realism?   

I’m quite new writing for the genre myself, but I’ll try!

[...] The stories born of this genre are rooted in a world we know with rules we live by, intermingled with fantasy elements. The supernatural occurrences are treated like any random everyday matter and avoid explanation. They are normalized, and where the fantastic mirrors the realistic, the end result gives us narratives that feel like modern or adult fairy tales.

Moises Velasquez, The Magical Realism Genre in Movies 

What’s already stated above is what I find the gist of this sub-genre. Though to add to this, it is very important to make the distinction clear that you aren’t writing for Fantasy, which Magic Realism is often confused with. 

While the former can mirror reality, there is an aspect to it that offers escapism and the anachronistic world within this genre does provide its own set of rules, systems, history, etc. Rather, it is its own separate thing. On the other hand, the latter is grounded to reality but with fantastical elements. 

It’s also important to note that one of Magical Realism’s unique characteristics is its use of critique, commenting on real social issues or events in history through the surreal phenomena that occur within its stories.

Authors often use magical realism to offer an implicit critique of society, most notably politics and the elite. The genre grew in popularity in parts of the world like Latin America that were economically oppressed and exploited by Western countries. Magic realist writers used the genre to express their distaste and critique American Imperialism.

Anonymous (MasterClass), What Is Magical Realism? Definition and Examples of Magical Realism in Literature, Plus 7 Magical Realism Novels You Should Read

Another thing I could advise is to read/watch literature and film that are related to Magical Realism to have a better grasp of it.

For books, I recommend:

One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel García Márquez

The Alchemist and The Valkyries by Paulo Coelho

The Woman Who Had Two Navels and Tales of the Tropical Gothic by Nick Joaquin

The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman

The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka

Perfume: The Story of a Murderer by Patrick Süskind

The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle by Haruki Murakami

Face of Another and Woman in the Dunes by Abe Kobo

The Spider’s Thread and Hell Screen by Ryūnosuke Akutagawa  

For film:

Pan’s Labyrinth and The Shape of Water by Guillermo del Toro

Like Water for Chocolate by Alfonso Arau (based from the book of the same name but I haven’t read it)

Ugetsu by Kenji Mizoguchi

Beasts Of The Southern Wild by Benh Zeitlin

All of Charlie Kaufman’s films

Video essays:

The Magical Realism Genre in Movies from Screened

Why you should read “One Hundred Years of Solitude”? - Francisco Díez-Buzo from Ted-Ed

Articles:

What Is Magical Realism? Definition and Examples of Magical Realism in Literature, Plus 7 Magical Realism Novels You Should Read from MasterClass

Or about dialogue-writing? 

The best advice I could give for this one is to make it fit depending on the scene/mood/setting of the story. Keep in mind that dialogue can also be expressive, and it can add personality to a character or change the mood of a scene. 

While I recommend a more natural-sounding dialogue between characters in conversation, this isn’t always applicable for different situations in a story.

Like, let’s say, small talk between a gold fish and a cat. There’s an aspect of surrealism to this interaction and having a natural-sounding dialogue between these two is unlikely. 

For this, I guess, you have to ask yourself the question on how their dialogue is going to fit their characters and the scene you want to create.

What made/inspired you to write the story Mugen Chronicles this way? 

It’s a little funny now that this all started simply because I hated Muzan Kibutsuji as an underdeveloped character. 

On a more serious note, I wanted to experiment and explore on a lot of things in this series. At the heart of it all, my goal was how to develop Muzan into the villain he rightfully deserves to be while incorporating plenty of elements in the story.

My disappointment in the manga was the fact that there was so much missed opportunity with the demons. They are supposed to reflect that inherently cruel, cannibalistic aspect of humanity that humans themselves must overcome and no one should represent this more than the progenitor of the demons himself. 

So I thought, reflected through the eyes of the Reader/Shizuka, this would shed  some more insight about the demon’s side while telling a decent enough story. 

Aside from that, since this is also a story about the Reader/Shizuka and Muzan, I wanted to explore on the idea of “Muzan falling in love.”

The short answer is no. He can’t. But what he has with the Reader/Shizuka is the closest thing to it, twisted as it is. It’s clear that this isn’t a love story between them and that’s the last thing I want this series to be perceived as. That’s why so much of their relationship is one filled with horror, obsession, and tragedy.

On a less serious note, I only wanted to write another reader-insert.

Closer to the End

Depression is my nemesis. Eventually it will kill me.

...if I let it.

By Billy Goate

Art by RusoTsig (@rusotsig)

Life's falling away from me. The visual evidence is all about. Unopened mail builds up at random spots around the room like mini Towers of Babel. Even things that normally give me great delight -- a recently delivered set of vinyl records -- lie undisturbed in their brown cardboard packages. Meanwhile, my email continues to multiply exponentially: 200 unanswered today, 400 tomorrow, 800 on the day after that (for the curious, the tally stands at 2,359 today). The very thought of opening my inbox makes it equivalent to walking out into open traffic, so I avoid it like the plague.

Meals have become simplified these days -- if it can't be eaten out of a package, forget about it. And all those empty wrappers? They, too, join the general disorder, decorating the landscape of my solitary hovel. Eventually, messages from friends and family go unread. Bills go unpaid (even when there are sufficient funds). The yard turns into a veritable jungle of tall grass, weeds, and sprawling bushes. Clothes go unwashed and hygiene is neglected for days at a time. Weekends are spent pouring over regrets about what might have been, brooding about the end of days.

As any doctor will confirm, these are classic symptoms of depression. What they can't tell you is how hopeless hopelessness can feel.

Karl Briullov - The Last Days of Pompeii (detail)

Black Sabbath’s final show in the Pacific Northwest. Usnea's album release party. Saint Vitus reunited with their first singer, Scott Reagers. The return of Sasquatch. Once in a lifetime small venue appearances by international bands, such as Cult of Occult. A rare hometown gig by Yob. Visits from Goya, Primitive Man, and countless others. Ceremony of Sludge. Even events with the Doomed & Stoned's own name stamped on them. All of these are things I've missed out on in the past year or two because of depression.

It's not that I was too down to even consider going. On the contrary, I was actively planning to go. I RSVP'd, bought tickets, and even checked out the camera equipment to film the shows. In most cases, I'd gotten dressed and readied, even told people to expect me, but for one reason or another I fell under the unyielding grip of depression and came up with an excuse for why I couldn't go. Then one day I just got tired of making excuses and stopped going out altogether.

In one case, I was halfway down the road on a two-hour trip to see Saint Vitus and Witch Mountain perform at Star Theater, when suddenly a wave of grief washed over me from head to spine. As soon as I spotted the nearest overpass, I exited, turned around, and returned home. Even shows I knew would be cathartic (Bell Witch playing their titular Mirror Reaper at a local watering hole) just couldn't cause me to drive a couple miles down the road. The few times I managed to go out, it was because I absolutely forced myself. I practically fought with my inner man all the way there, too -- teeth clenched, hands tightly gripping the wheel, rehearsing in my mind a myriad of reasons why I should just turn back and stay home.

For me, Alice in Chains captures the frustration perfectly in "Excuses":

Everyday it's something Hits me all so cold

Find me sittin' by myself No excuses, then I know

Depression has robbed me of so much. I've missed opportunities to collaborate with musicians and artists because of it. I've pushed away friends and family, until contact between us has become more and more scarce. I've even stopped celebrating my birthday. I have become a shadow of a man.

What's worse, there's been a new development: anhedonia. I remember only casually looking up the meaning of that word when reviewing Undersmile's album by the same name. Anhedonia basically means that you stop finding pleasure in life. As I browse through my friend's timelines, I find it difficult to relate to their happiness. I think quite often of the emptiness of it all, of being alone and growing older, and the ultimate futility of human pursuits. I often feel more of an observer than an actor in the great drama of life.

As you read all of this, bear in mind that I've managed to hold down a steady, full-time job for decades, right up to the present day. You see, some cope by drinking, others by eating, and others still chase the fleeting high of romantic love, but I found my copacetic in work (as absurd as that might sound). I’ve damn near worked myself to death over the past couple years, too, taking precious few "mental health days" or vacation. At one point, I stopped accruing paid time off, because I'd reached my limit and my boss had no choice but to mandate that I take two days off per month. Can you imagine? I’d been known to come into work on the weekend, rather than spend it alone with my thoughts. At least at work, I can stay distracted with something I feel makes some kind of difference.

I can't feel my life Makes me want to cry How bad i feel inside Like I wanna die

Destination unknown Wreckage in tow Depression grows I have no home

Lately, all I've wanted to do on the weekends is sleep. When I'm at work, I'm fine. I'm in the zone. I have purpose. Things make sense. I'm needed. When I'm home, I always have a list of to-dos, but no matter how busy I try to make myself, I find myself suffering with a lonely, aching feeling. It hurts to be alive. That's the only way I can describe it. So I go to sleep early -- and sleep and sleep and sleep -- without so much as the aid of melatonin. All I want to do is go to sleep and forget and wake up the next day and start fresh, hoping all of the oppressive feelings of darkness have left me. I'll sleep 9 hours, 10 hours, 12 hours is not unheard of, then curse when the alarm wakes me up to face the day. I haven't slept so much since I was a teenager.

At least some of my depression seems linked with sunlight. While the sun is out, I'm mostly okay. When I'm taking my meds, I feel possessed with purpose and I'm busy chipping away at a dozen assorted projects, networking with bands, record labels, and PR reps around the globe, auditing new records, editing submissions from my team, and occasionally summoning enough nerve to write an album review of my own. But when the sun sets and darkness takes hold, bathing the landscape in its sinister shadows, everything changes.

In the heart of winter, there is an existential dread that overtakes me when the sun sets. It's almost primitive. There seems to be no rational basis for feeling this way, unless we factor in some kind of code passed along in the evolutionary programming of the reptilian brain over the millennia. You know, that thing responsible for our fight or flight response -- the urge to either take a swing or get the hell out of Dodge.

Loneliness is not a phase Field of pain is where I graze

Saw my reflection and cried So little hope that I died

That cryptic note of horror hints at what happens when our coping mechanisms stop working for us. For me, it was burnout. I worked and worked and worked, and then I came home and did Doomed & Stoned in the evenings and weekends until I inevitably reached a point of absolute and total system overload.

We've seen a spate of deaths in recent years in the heavy music world stemming from depression. It seems to be the creative person's curse. Chris Cornell of Soundgarden. Linda Nygren of the Wounded Kings. Dozens more artist deaths are listed as "N/A" in Metal Archives, but you always wonder. Even an accidental drug overdose can owe its underlying cause to depression. Often it's hard to untangle addiction from the need to escape acute emotional pain.

Though it is tempting to buy into conspiracy theories linking suicide to pharmaceuticals, chemtrails, fluoride in the water, gangstalking, and covert government ops, it's important to recognize that suicide is nothing unique to our life and times. Narrowing the focus more specifically to musicians and other artistic types, we've had many historic instances of depression. Think Beethoven, Franz Liszt, and Tchaikovsky -- three people who pioneered much of the musical language that doom metal utilizes for expression. Each experienced prolonged periods of melancholia for various reasons, from physical malady and loss-fueled grief to unrequited love and the utter rejection of society. Arguably, Peter Ilyich Tchaikovsky died at his own hand.

Perhaps it won't surprise you that many of us who have an affinity for doom metal (though certainly not all) are also at risk for suicide. A recently published study by the University of Manchester found a correlation, though not a causal link, between members of "alternative subcultures" and "the risk of self-harm and suicide." There was no definite conclusion drawn from the piece, other than to point out that a problem exists (no kidding) and that more long-term studies are needed.

I've got a notion as to why heavy music draws the heavy-laden: misery loves company. We're drawn to the mysteriously compelling ability that doom has to commiserate with our feelings, from lyrics that deal so honestly with sadness to the solace of sharing a joint with those who are on a similar path.

But sometimes depression is so severe that you don't want to go out on the weekends at all, not even for your favorite band. Before I get too deep into my own story and how I'm treating my depression, some of you may wonder why I am writing this piece and have decided to share it publicly. I can assure you, I have nothing to gain from this. I'm not crying out for help (I'm too stubborn to ask for it when needed, anyway) and I'm certainly not trying to sell you on anything.

To be truthful, I've been chipping away at this piece (currently standing at 53,726 characters) for two years. I revisit it when the depression hurts the most. It acts as a kind of release valve for me and since that's at least providing some relief, I'll keep scribbling words upon this page. So before you leave thinking this was all just a self-indulgent slab of depression porn, stay tuned. There really is more to the story, including some valuable insights I'm learning about dealing constructively with my depression and its underlying causes -- physical and psychological.

To be continued...

  ★ Read Part II

  ☆ Read Part III

Here I sit writing on the paper Trying to think of words you can't ignore

See the cycle I've waited for It ain't like that anymore

These days, I’ve taken to asking Google a lot of my questions. The questions I can’t ask anyone else. Not because they won’t know the answer, which they likely won’t, but because they are hard questions. Deeply personal to each being. Some random when something I’ve watched or read triggers a bizarre thought process. A lot of them have become existential in nature. I’ve become existential. If I were to pick up Franz Kafka’s The Metamorphosis right now, I’d probably be able to actually get through it this time and understand where he’s coming from. My brain relates that to being bad. In my senior year of high school, I found Mr. Kafka to be downright bizarre and depressing. I took a greater liking to Kurt Vonnegut and Mary Shelley. Thus making Slaughter-House Five and Frankenstein high on my list of favorite classics. But I can no longer laugh at him and his crisis. I’m fucking having one.

In my last therapy appointment, my therapist helped me make a discovery. A self discovery to be precise. I’m negative. Cynical. Many of those who know me, and anyone who has read my previous posts would likely go “No, shit.” And I’m aware that I’m negative, but I didn’t know just how deep it went. Farther than 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea if you ask me. No, I have not read that book or watched that movie. Was never interested, but it makes for good humor. Negative Level? Over 9,000. The way I perceive things and take in information. The way I process conversations, situations, expressions, etc; ends up on the negative side of life. I begin to be defensive. Another self discovery that I made last week, I begin to ruminate. 

I ruminate a fuck ton. Even when I am unaware. For example, I could be playing Minecraft and absentmindedly digging when I finally realize that I was dwelling on a subject again and really just digging into that instead of the virtual dirt. Current events and my existential crisis appear to be my mind’s favorite subject matters for rumination. Unlucky for me. The way our Earth is heading and the disgusting hell that my country, the United States, has become; weigh on my mind, heavily. I begin to go down a separate, but all too familiar negative spiral. The hopeless one. On this spiral there is only one end result, one way for me to achieve peace and avoid pain.. death. The protocols for the action-plan-that-isn’t-even-a-plan are as follows:

- In the event of a zombie apocalypse, end your life.

- The political state has become increasingly frustrating. Should humanity lose 98% of its compassion, women become completely oppressed once again, Trump wins the 2020 elections, the police go bat shit crazy, and any other events that arise from such a climate, end your life. More than 4 things must be met at once.

- If you are not better than where you were at the end of 2018 and beginning of 2019, by 2020, end your life.

There are probably less frequent protocols that my mind regularly checks on this spiral, but I can’t remember them. The horrid thing is, once a person thinks about death, they will always think of it. And once a person gets to a certain point where suicide becomes the third option in their life plan, the other two being continue to go downhill or get better, it will always remain there. So, my mind ruminates on death everyday.

Question for Google: If a person bleeds out and dies, does their pacemaker draw out their death?

Google: https://www.mypcnow.org/blank-fne00

TL;DR: Chances are, it does not prolong suffering. 

Another thing I am aware about myself is my horrid reaction time to change. Depression and anxiety increase in periods where something in my life has changed and it effects the way things are done, or the way I see things, or any other significant change to how things use to be. Knowing of a coming change ahead of time does not help. I then ruminate on that knowledge and become increasingly anxious and agitated. I am way behind those my age on the normal path of life. No job, no college degree, no money, no will to live I suppose.

Question for Google: What is normal?

Google: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200911/what-is-normal

(Truly enlightening to read, I recommend you do.)

TL;DR: “People afflicted by disabling panic or depression may fully embrace the disease model. A diagnosis can restore a sense of wholeness by naming, and confining, an ailment. That mood disorders are common and largely treatable makes them more acceptable; to suffer them is painful but not strange.”  <-- ME

There is no one normal. Normal varies person by person and by accepted behaviors in society. Even psychiatrists and psychologists cannot say what is truly normal.

Change is scary to me. It changes my normal. I don’t appear to be like other people my age, therefore I feel abnormal. The slightest flaw sends me scurrying to my mom, or my therapist, or Google, out of anxiety and the need to know if I’m okay. Often times I find that many people experience the flaw that I felt was abnormal. Sometimes I find that its not healthy, however, and then I make a plan to talk with my therapist or mother about it. Close friends and family have said many times this past month that they see me getting better. I don’t know how that is possible. Perhaps it is because of all the revelations about myself that I am making and my need to prevent them from continuing as they have all been harmful in my eyes. i.e. ruminating to the point of extreme depression lows and suicidal thoughts, picking up both positive and negative aspects of something, but more often than not, when involving me directly or indirectly, choosing to focus more on the negative. There is a part of me, I don’t know how large, that doesn’t want to get better. I only know that it is a strong force. Getting better would mean having to relearn and rediscover so many things. It would mean a drastic change to my normal. For me, not a day goes by that I don’t mention having depression or anxiety as a reason for why I am the way I am. These intense emotions are my normal and they are my crutches. While not easy to live with and breathe with and smile with, they seemingly make other things easier. They can be an excuse at times. I cannot imagine myself without them. I have had varying degrees of these ailments my whole life. The more developed my brain becomes, the worse they become. I believe it’s because I understand more and am able to pick up on things a younger me would have missed. Even now, with my mental situation, I do not know who I am. There are times, when the depression physically hurts my heart, that I want to rip my skin off. I imagine myself just grabbing and tearing the skin from my face and neck and then the rest of my body. Getting rid of this terrible self. That somehow it will reveal the true me. I struggle to not cut my face. As if the act of slicing my face and watching it bleed will somehow fix things. But logic tells me that I will only regret the ugly scar later on and not to do it. So I don’t, but I get angry because I want to. Who the hell am I, why the fuck am I this way, and what am I supposed to do? Will I ever do it? Is it even possible to get better? Do I want to get better? I don’t know. And that drives me crazy.

Question for Google: Who am I?

Google: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/shift-mind/201006/who-am-i

TL;DR: Ask instead, how do I want to experience life?

all of the evil asks (but only if you have the time!!) for wing because he's my favorite son

Good news, nonnie! I am recovering from a twenty-one hour journey yesterday, which leaves me too dead to do adulting but just awake enough to dedicate 46 acres of my mind to Wing Fanchu. (And really, which is the more wholesome task, anyway?)

1. What does their bedroom look like?

I’ll do his pre-H.I.V.E. bedroom, since we’re all familiar with the cells. Tan walls, a large window with a dark pull-down shade, and a large, low bed with a white comforter. Some posters of tricky martial arts positions. A neatly-rolled yoga mat in the corner, and space on the floor to use it.

2. Do they have any daily rituals?

Meditation, for 15-30 minutes every morning, assuming Otto has not set a new harebrained scheme in motion.

3. Do they exercise, and if so, what do they do? How often?

Wing certainly would, even if he didn’t have to. Martial arts, running, swimming, pull-ups, all those things. Probably every day. Maybe many times a day. Can you get paid to be strong?

4. What would they do if they needed to make dinner but the kitchen was busy?

Wait patiently, acting as though he wasn’t hungry at all.

5. Cleanliness habits (personal, workspace, etc.)

Very neat, but some of that comes from being someone who doesn’t take much stock in an excess of personal possessions. That said, Wing is very good about grooming his long hair, and keeping his notebooks in order, and so on. He makes his bed every morning, too, cuz his mama raised him right.

6. Eating habits and sample daily menu

Generally lots of vegetables—he enjoys treats but isn’t swayed by food just because it looks fancy. That said, he isn’t a picky eater, either. Whatever is on the lunch menu, he doesn’t mind.

Breakfast: raisin bran and yogurt, or avocado toast

Mid-morning snack: crushed nuts and dried fruit

Lunch: veggie wrap (i.e. tortilla with hummus, bell peppers, salad, tomatoes, cucumber, and cheese)

Mid-afternoon snack: peanut butter and celery

Dinner: Roasted mushrooms, onions, and broccoli with rice and a tofu burger

7. Favorite way to waste time and feelings surrounding wasting time

Wing isn’t really a time-waster. If he has a few extra moments, he might meditate or sleep. When he can’t focus, he tends to get up and do something else and try again later.

8. Favorite indulgence and feelings surrounding indulging

As a disciplined person, Wing doesn’t give much thought to indulgence, but he is generally good about restarting his routines after breaking them. Biggest example would be taking a day off from his workout routine.

9. Makeup?

“I am pleased you admire my high cheekbones, Shelby, but I see no reason to do something so frivolous as contour them.”

11. Intellectual pursuits?

Wing occasionally might read a book on strategy or martial arts, but he prefers the practical application in the gym.

12. Favorite book genre?

Non-fiction. He has little to no use for fantasies and make-believe.

13. Sexual Orientation? And, regardless of own orientation, thoughts on sexual orientation in general?

Pansexual. Generally accepting of queer identities, but also considers them to be a very private matter and so can feel uncomfortable when people bring it up.

14. Physical abnormalities? (Both visible and not, including injuries/disabilities, long-term illnesses, food-intolerances, etc.)

Allergy to strawberries and a bad knee from an accident that will probably need to be replaced later.

15. Biggest and smallest short term goal?

Biggest: get out of H.I.V.E. alive

Smallest: beat Shelby at literally any competition

16. Biggest and smallest long term goal?

Biggest: keep one (1) otto malpense from getting beaten up, burned, assaulted, kidnapped, brainwashed, bullied, bruised, cut, crushed, killed, maimed, and/or otherwise damaged

Smallest: visit his mom’s grave annually

17. Preferred mode of dress and rituals surrounding dress

Simple, non-dramatic garb. I have always imagined that Wing would be his best self in business casual sweaters. He is also very particular about the shoes that he wears, but I don’t know enough about shoes to comment.

18. Favorite beverage?

Water.

19. What do they think about before falling asleep at night?

He doesn’t.

20. Childhood illnesses? Any interesting stories behind them?

Nothing much worse than the common cold, but he still has fond memories of his mom stopping in to check on him and give him soup, and his dad checking in on him before bed.

21. Turn-ons? Turn-offs?

Turn-ons: Sarcasm, which makes living with Otto and Shelby nigh unbearable.

Turn-offs: people who use the word “like” as a filler too much.

22. Given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen?

He would set them neatly to the side and then put his head down and take on his chainsaw persona.

23. How organized are they? How does this organization/disorganization manifest in their everyday life?

Wing is very neat, but not entirely organized. In particular, he isn’t always good at keeping track of assignments for school, so he has gotten marked down a few times for not paying attention to dates and times, much to his disappointment.

24. Is there one subject of study that they excel at? Or do they even care about intellectual pursuits at all?

Wing has a modest success with almost all of his classes, but he is really good at strategy. If pressed, he could be a one-man armada. (That said, it isn’t like he considers intellectual things like math his beloved.)

25. How do they see themselves 5 years from today?

I don’t think Wing knows, but he would certainly hope to be partnering with one of his friends from school. If not, perhaps finding his place after going through his mother’s belongings.

26. Do they have any plans for the future? Any contingency plans if things don’t work out?

No, in part because H.I.V.E. doesn’t exactly cater to someone with his particular ethical framework. Wing wouldn’t want to exploit people for money, fame, or love, but he would find it just as tasteless to contract with a government to expose these deeds. Wing would feel most satisfied in a career where he has a personal connection—for example, running security in Laura’s tech company, or working as Otto’s personal bodyguard. Until Wing can get some life experience away from the island, he won’t have a clear idea of where he belongs.

27. What is their biggest regret?

Losing Otto to H.O.P.E. and allowing him to be brainwashed and taken advantage of in the worst of ways.

28. Who do they see as their best friend? Their worst enemy?

Best friend is Otto, obviously. Though their friendship was kind of manufactured by their close proximity, Wing finds Otto to be inspiring, trustworthy, and relatable.

Wing disdains all people he considers dishonorable, but he particularly loathes people who abuse their authority, like Dekker.

29. Reaction to sudden extrapersonal disaster (e.g. The house is on fire! What do they do?)

Action! If there are people and pets involved, then he saves them! If there is critical information that is needed, he makes that a second priority! He gets people to safety, calls for help, and continues to risk life and limb to make sure the people he cares about are okay.

30. Reaction to sudden intrapersonal disaster (eg close family member suddenly dies)

Well. It can be hard to tell, at first—Wing isn’t an entirely expressive guy. But, unsurprisingly, his pain has to come out in other ways. Lashing out, making rash decisions, losing motivation… all of these things are his way of not-coping with disaster because he struggles to express his emotions in a healthy way. (Many thanks to his dad for making him respond this way.)

31. Most prized possession?

His mom’s yin/yang necklace, although that is a gimme.

32. Thoughts on material possessions in general?

Not particularly concerned. Though Wing is not immune from sentiment, as in the case of his mom’s necklace, Wing’s strongest responses are for people and situations, not lifeless objects. It isn’t true to say that you could just pick Wing up and drop him anywhere, because of the social loss, but you could certainly burn his house down and he would be able to move on.

33. Concept of home and family?

Wing makes very deep bonds with the people who are emotionally open with him and who he spends a lot of time working and playing with. His mother (and father, to some extent) gave him that familial care when he was very young, but after Xiu Mei’s death and Cypher’s withdrawal from his home life, Lao became that staple of home love, a bond made strong by commitment and involvement. The same occurred when Wing came to H.I.V.E., and found a small home group in Otto, Laura, Shelby, Franz, and Nigel, who formed reciprocal relationships and made him feel like he belonged through the time they spent together.

34. Thoughts on privacy? (Are they a private person, or are they prone to ‘TMI’?)

Super private. He doesn’t mind sharing personal things with his nosy friends, but the rest of the school? If he had his way they wouldn’t know his eye color, much less the status of his feelings or relationships.

35. What activities do they enjoy, but consider to be a waste of time?

Puzzles, parkour, and frisbee.

36. What makes them feel guilty?

The times he has let down his friends, either by wrong action or inaction. Not taking care of himself. Lying by omission about his thoughts and feelings that he is not confident enough to share with people he respects. Leaving behind Lao, who might not know where he is.

37. Are they more analytical or more emotional in their decision-making?

Analytical, but with emotional motivations. Wing will bide his time bemoaning the loss of his best pal, very emotional and sad, and then assess the situation and jump into a helicopter when the time is right to save that pasty best friend’s ass.

38. Would they consider themselves a Type A or Type B personality?

Type B, which is not a usual thing for Alphas, let me tell you.

39. What recharges them when they’re feeling drained?

Sleep, meditation, working out, snuggling, listening to his friends have brilliant ideas (but only if he has been drained by hard and/or boring intellectual work), sleep.

40. Would you say that they have a superiority-complex? Inferiority-complex? Neither?

Maybe a slight inferiority complex that doesn’t show. In the wake of Xiu Mei’s death, Cypher made his son feel completely unimportant. Lao did the important work of rebuilding Wing’s self-esteem, but that sense of abandonment and unimportance can return in dark moments.

41. How misanthropic are they?

Not very. True facts, Wing could probably work for Greenpeace or a humanitarian aid society after school and feel very fulfilled defending ordinary people from corrupt militias and other dangerous things.

(Side note, Laura and Nigel would be my other contenders for humanitarian/charitable work, but Laura needs a greater intellectual challenge and Nigel would probably get overwhelmed and get back into evil botany.)

42. Hobbies?

Martial arts, sand art, yoga

43. How far did they get in formal education? What are their views on formal education vs self-education?

Wing received the best education his parents could get him as a young boy, but after his mother’s death he didn’t feel involved or interested, and his only interest became the passion for martial arts that he received from his mentor Lao. He quite admires self-education when it is done well, because it demonstrates high motivation and a deep passion for a subject of study.

44. Religion?

None, but he respects those who have one.

45. Superstitions or views on the occult?

Nothing major, but he does sometimes get the impression that his mother might be looking out for him, or reappearing in his life in small ways. Maybe in the way a flower blooms, maybe in hearing a familiar laugh. Or just good things happening.

46. Do they express their thoughts through words or deeds?

Usually deeds, because it is easier for Wing to step up to the plate and help his friends in whatever way they need to be helped without their asking. But nor is Wing embarrassed to admit it when he cares about people, and when he says those things, he means them.

47. If they were to fall in love, who (or what) is their ideal?

Brilliant smile. Someone he can enjoy a little competition with, but always in a friendly way. Someone who balances his quiet nature and composure with eagerness and ambition. Soft. Enjoys snuggling. Someone he can be honest with, but also someone he doesn’t completely understand. Someone who makes him laugh. Someone who makes an effort to understand him, even when it is hard. Hard worker. Talented. Smart. Someone who doesn’t allow him to take himself seriously. Someone who meshes with his friends, or bare minimum won’t take those friends away from him.

48. How do they express love?

In the dramatic ways, like risking his life. Also in mundane ways, like kissing on top of the head, or running errands on a busy day, or making sure that the beloved who fell asleep doing homework gets all the way into bed with a warm blanket.

49. If this person were to get into a fist fight, what is their fighting style like?

… at this point, I am going to defer to the master and tell you to just re-read the books. Like damn what do you want me to SAY.

50. Is this person afraid of dying? Why or why not?

No, but he would prefer not to. He doesn’t lose sleep over the inevitable, though.

Lara Mimosa Montes in Conversation with Sebastián Pérez: Sophie Rivera

Bronx-born scholar Sebastián Pérez recently chatted with me about photographer Sophie Rivera, whose work was most recently exhibited as part of the wide-ranging traveling exhibition Radical Women: Latin American Art, 1960–1985. Rivera’s photographs have been shown at the Brooklyn Museum, Museum of the City of New York, the Bronx Museum of the Arts, El Museo del Barrio, the Smithsonian American Art Museum, the International Center of Photography, and elsewhere. In this interview, Pérez and I discuss Rivera’s series of Nuyorican portraits and the various revelations we experienced while revisiting her work.

LMM: At present, there are very few opportunities to look at, study, and engage the work of Puerto Rican and Nuyorican women photographers from the 1970s and ’80s like Sophie Rivera.

SP: It's ridiculous actually because the work is there. We both know that the archive exists, the images exist, but we don't have access to them because historically no one has paid attention to it in any real specific way or bothered to collect this stuff. Even just trying to find materials from the shows that went up is a challenge; there was never an active archival process, right? It's like, if you’re lucky, you can get a list, but where are the materials? Did these artists get paid? It’s even impossible sometimes to find exhibition catalogs.

LMM: Yeah, you have to look on eBay [laughs].

SP: Or used on Amazon!

LMM: Right. We know the materials existed at one point, but if they're not kept, then they're not findable, and if they’re not findable, then they're not referenceable. I visited The Schomburg recently to look at some of Sophie Rivera’s earlier photographs because they’re one of only a handful of libraries in New York that has those early issues of Nueva Luz. I also saw that she had guest-edited one of their early issues. . .

SP: Yeah, volume 3, number 1, 1989.

LMM: It’s also wild to think about her work appearing alongside those of photographers like Dawoud Bey and Carrie Mae Weems—their work was also featured in those early issues of Nueva Luz. How did you come to learn about Sophie Rivera's work?

SP: I started looking at images from the South Bronx during the 1970s and ’80s and I was trying to find out who the female photographers during that time period were; the two most prominent Puerto Rican ones I had come across were Perla de Leon and Sophie Rivera, but trying to track down their work is almost impossible because it’s not widely curated. In Rivera’s artist bio from the premier issue of Nueva Luz, we know that by 1985, she had already shown work at PS1, The New Museum, El Museo del Barrio, and many other art institutions in New York and beyond. I also know that the Smithsonian has two of Rivera’s photographs from the Puerto Rican portraits series in their collection…

LMM: Yeah, I had seen a few from that series at the Brooklyn Museum last summer as part of the Radical Women: Latin America exhibition. When they were shown at the Bronx Museum in 1999—twenty years ago now, if you can believe it—Holland Cotter, in his review for the New York Times, said that her portraits were “incandescent.”

Sophie Rivera, Untitled, 1978, printed 2006, gelatin silver print, Smithsonian American Art Museum, © 1978, Sophie Rivera, Museum purchase through the Luisita L. and Franz H. Denghausen Endowment, 2011.24.2

SP: Yeah, I love these, they're so beautiful. I mean, they're huge. That's what I love about them. I’ve also always liked the conceit, a pretty simple idea—Rivera would stop people out on the street outside her apartment in the Bronx and and ask, “Yeah, are you Puerto Rican? Alright, cool, then let's go to my studio.” I like the way that she photographs her subjects with the light coming from behind them, or at least, so it seems. I mean, these are portraits, yes, but the kind of background against which they’re being photographed is something you rarely see. You just never see studio portraits like this with such dark backgrounds, darker than the subject. Most people do not photograph portraits on dark backgrounds because that would lead to some kind of obscuring of the person or subject being photographed, right? But Rivera took these portraits the way she wanted to, defying conventions of portrait photography. I think the dark background combined with her particular lighting choices allows the subjects to appear in a way that is interesting, like as the photographer, she’s not afraid of the negative space of blackness. Those choices definitely say something to me about the artist’s personality, her style.

LMM: I also wonder what it means for these portraits, like the one dated from 1978, to have been exhibited again in 1989, the same year she received a New York Foundation for the Arts Award in Photography. When these works were shown at Yankee Stadium and 161st Street, the series was exhibited under the title Revelations: A Latino Portfolio, whereas when they were shown again in 2018 at the Brooklyn Museum’s Radical Women: Latin American Art exhibition, they are grouped under the title, Nuyorican Portraits. I can imagine that the former title, in the context of a group exhibition devoted to Latin American art, would have felt redundant.  

Sophie Rivera, Untitled from “Nuyorican Portraits,” (1978). Courtesy of the artist, collection of Martin Hurwitz.

SP: While all of Rivera’s subjects from this series identified as Puerto Rican, maybe by using the word Latino, she is gesturing towards a more expansive definition of community in 1989, but she’s also playing with the idea of what a photograph does, right? That’s why it's called Revelations. What is the light doing in this work? If you're revealing something, then you're bringing a certain degree of light to that something, but in these portraits, it’s the opposite. It makes you kind of wonder, well then what is the work of revelation? How does her ability in balancing the contrast upend that notion of revelation as a shedding light?

LMM: I never thought of that. Did you know that she produced at least fifty of these, but only fourteen survived a fire in her studio?

SP: Damn. . .

LMM:  It’s so dark, so Bronx.

SP: Rivera chose subjects that kick those taken-for-granted identity categories, like Latino or Puerto Rican, into flux by presenting through this series a bunch of differently raced and differently classed bodies together. When grouped together, these portraits suggest the Puerto Rican who is a Latino is a black person, a white person, is well-dressed, is Urban and. . .

LMM: Maybe also being Latino while seeing Latinidad in all its incarnations is itself a revelation.

SP: There are so many questions I would like to ask Sophie.

LMM: I know! Since I am often interested in an artist’s process, because that is not necessarily something you can discern in a final work, when revisiting this series, I wonder: How long did these sessions last? Did they take an hour? More? Less? Around how many shots did it take to get “the one,” or did it depend on the person? What kind of rapport did she have with these people? I am interested in the interactions between Rivera and her subjects because the subjects seem so present, and, at times, open. How did she draw that out in them? She was not an amateur in the least, and unlike many of the other photographers who featured Puerto Ricans in the Bronx during this time period, like photojournalist Mel Rosenthal or the members of Los Seis del Sur, Rivera did not photograph her subjects in their apartments, or on the street, or at work—she situated them within her studio as photographic subjects, and the only reason she wanted to photograph them was because they identified as Puerto Rican. So what we have on record here when studying her works is not just a record of Puerto Ricans in the 1970s and ’80s, but a record of one Puerto Rican looking at another. It’s quite powerful, to see and be seen. The gaze isn’t casual, or candid: it’s willful, and, as you’ve suggested, subversive.

Sophie Rivera, Untitled, 1978, printed 2006, gelatin silver print, Smithsonian American Art Museum, © 1978, Sophie Rivera, Museum purchase through the Luisita L. and Franz H. Denghausen Endowment, 2011.24.1

SP: There are also religious undertones as well. I’m thinking of photos of Christ, like the kind where he has a halo of some kind, where this divine light emanates from within, but also behind. Rivera positions her subjects in relation to the light in a way that suggests everyday people possess that same light. I mean Revelations—that’s the last book of the Bible, right? That book is about the end of the world to a certain degree, so like maybe in these images, we see the end of a certain world, a world in which these people are obscured.

LMM: Yes, and that’s what interests me about Sophie Rivera’s work: her style of looking, her way of capturing her subject’s essence; the way she returns the gaze. The kind of rogue, bold decision making that prompts her to approach a stranger off the street in the first place and ask “Are you Puerto Rican?” Imagine saying, unequivocally: Yes, and that being the starting point. . .

Everyday I relate to Franz Kafka a bit more than I did the previous day

GREY CURTAIN Ida Applebroog, Liam Sprod, Linda Reif, Chrystèle Lerisse, Laura Põld, Andreas Waldén 2018 "Affective disorders are forms of captured discontent." Mark Fisher, Capitalist Realism, 2009. A Hole in the Grey Curtain presents six artists in a context that refuses the medicalised and individualizing conception of negative feelings in favour of one that is politicised and critical. The exhibition, acknowledges the changing environment of mounting stresses that condition everyday life, stresses that reveal themselves in psychological distress, hopelessness and diagnosable conditions that affect more and more people every year. What emerges is a notion of space haunted by unfulfilled utopian promises, concealed ideological barriers and the empty grid of abstract space. A space of simulation that mediates between sensibility and intellect; a melancholic counter-mood to provoke a hitherto unarticulated sense of commonality. “We must convert widespread mental health problems from medicalised conditions into effective antagonisms. Affective disorders are forms of captured discontent.” Mark FIsher, Capital Realism, 2009. “In the 1960’s and 1970’s, radical theory and politics coalesced around extreme mental conditions such as schizophrenia, arguing, for instance, that madness was not a natural but a political category. But what we need now is a politisization of much more common disorders” Ibid “What melancholizing produces…is knowledge of the historical origins of their melancholias” Jonathan Flatley, Affective Mapping, Melancholia and the Politics of Modernism, 2008 “The kind of aesthetic practice I am concerned with here, however, is quite particular in its relation to melancholic moods. It is neither cathartic, compensatory nor redemptive… One must be self-consciously alienated from one’s emotional life for it to become historical datum…. My own emotional life must appear unfamiliar, not-mine, at least for a moment, if I am to see its relation to a historical context” Ibid “As such, melancholia forms the site in which the social origins of our emotional lives can be mapped out and from which we can see the other persons who share our losses and are subject to the same social forces” Ibid Benjamin’s counterintuitive contention is that it is precisely by dwelling on loss, the past, and political failures (as opposed to images of a better future) that one may avoid a depressing and cynical relation to the present. Ibid Pg 65 There is for Benjamin a definite resonance between our own personal past and a historical, collective past. The past is never solely our own anyway: “what has been forgotten… is never something purely individual,” Ilit Ferber, Philosophy and Melancholy: Benjamin’s early Reflections on Theatre and Language 2013 “Everything forgotten mingles with what has been forgotten of the prehistoric world, forms countless uncertain and changing compounds, yielding a constant flow of new, strange products.” (W. Benjamin Franz Kafka 810) “The collapse of sequentiality and narrative leads to a spatial simultaneity that is, again, a response to their loss or, more accurately, to the loss of hope in linearity’s capacity to contain salvation and, in essence, to promise any type of closure.” “This scattering of the continuum’s elements, their dispersal in space - their spatialization - is the response to the loss of eschatology, a response that embraces loss as an internal and eternal trace of what can no longer be recuperated.” “The understanding of loss as a condition of possibility appears in the Tauerspiel book in yet another image: that of emptiness. Freud’s claim that the mourner sees the world as empty after experiencing the loss of a love-object is echoed in Benjamin’s discussion of the baroque religious backdrop, as well we the Tauerspiel itself.” Ilit Ferber, Philosophy and Melancholy: Benjamin’s early Reflections on Theatre and Language 2013 If the major tactic constitutive of systems of cognitive oppression has been the progressive individualisation of the populace, then the major form of resistance must be the pursuit of cognitive liberation through progressive collectivisation. We must work out how to pool our cognitive resources so as to use them more efficiently together, and through that find forms of individual freedom that are orthogonal to the proliferation of consumer choice https://deontologistics.wordpress.com/2018/02/18/ofta-cognitive-economics-and-the-functional-theory-of-stress/ L'exposition est rendue possible par les prêts de le centre des livres d'artistes (cdla), Saint-Yrieix-la-Perche.