#everyday i also know joys but let's focus on the suffering
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this is what being in your 20s feel like
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10 Things We All Hate About WATCH After Ever Happy 2022 FULL MOVIE
"I target a lot of on the earlier and the many troubles I've had and all the issues I have taking place that it doesn't allow me to enjoy dwelling my lifetime"™
- The Unsatisfied Human being
"I get worried what the future holds for me which stops me from making the most of lifetime"
- The Not happy Individual
A person lives with one next at a time. On a daily basis We've 86,400 second to spend them how we elect. When you issue out time you happen to be asleep you continue to have loads of seconds each day. If I explained to you which you can devote 86,400 dollars and have two,000,000 pounds in return you should soar within the offer you. Exact same matter with our time. Our time is truly worth a lot more than money, You should spend it appropriately. Commit your seconds for appreciation, gratitude, Pleasure, accomplishment, advancement, enhancement of the character, and various issues. Let on your own Stay a good daily life so you by yourself will enhance the life of the persons all-around.
Although the earlier hasn't be put in how you might have wished you may nevertheless invest your time and energy in to a little something beneficial and precious. Regardless of what is going on within your head you can make constructive choices with favourable considering. Tend not to enable the past to hinder your ability to come to feel joyful and be content. You under no circumstances know what can take place inside a next. The majority of people's life improve within a blink of an eye, envision how promptly you'll be able to alter your life for the greater in the event you use it to the correct things.
Allow for you to think about the present seconds, will not think of the previous times of your lifetime and do not look forward to your long run. The one thing that issues is this next and Whatever you are going to do with it.
"Spend Seconds, Get Hundreds of thousands"
- Eli Attias
You'll have tranquil feelings about the long run after getting discovered the existing moments in your daily life. Should you at any time really feel overcome just take into account that regardless of what minute you have got in front of you is the moment that matters, nothing at all else. Prevent looking to run away from the happiness and uncover contentment with each second in front of you.
While in the present you'll be able to select phrases and steps that can improve your lifetime. You could focus on joyful ideas, you could re-frame your daily life into a constructive life and allow on your own to take pleasure in everyday living considerably more. Choose the content path and also the seconds of your life will be the happiest you may at any time be.
Everybody would like to be content, needless to say, and everyone warrants joy. It is part of excellent psychological and psychological wellness being delighted. Daily life is meant to become loved. Nonetheless, it may be difficult to be delighted in the course of difficult times for instance what the planet is suffering from now In this particular Covid19 pandemic of huge implications.
Joy just isn't constantly effortless to accomplish, and it is especially not easy to really feel pleasure when things are going terribly. These are typically hard and Peculiar periods which no-one ever would've expected. Good points and poor items arrive in to the lives of Every person who at any time lived around the earth. On the other hand, generally contentment is attainable While there will be rough patches come to everyone through their lifetimes.
Although individuals have been suffering from loneliness and despair through this period of self isolation and social distancing with stay at your home orders obtaining been in position for a while for A great deal with the populace of the earth, it is important to keep a constructive mental Mindset. Eventually items can get back again to standard, and it will be less difficult if we could retain our spirits up.
Gratitude is commonly mentioned for being something which Every of us ought to observe despite What's going on in our lives. Becoming grateful for what you have is one method to sense contentment. Whatever is going on or has happened within our life, there is often someone that is even worse off. We must always depend our blessings routinely.
If we and our families have not been personally impacted because of the Covid19 virus, we will come to feel grateful and pleased that we have been stored Risk-free. If We've got experienced loved ones or buddies who may have tested positive with the virus, have experienced the signs and symptoms and recovered, as well as maybe have died from the virus, we have to keep a favourable mental Mind-set. This is simpler claimed than carried out when grief and hardship prevail. When complicated periods appear, we have to temperature the storm and try to get back a way of calm.
It is necessary not to dwell around the earlier and to own religion in what the future will deliver. Planning for an even better working day and hope for the future may help to convey joy into our lives.
The incarceration of innocent Japanese Individuals and immigrants from Japan throughout Earth War II into camps brought Considerably hardship. It had been tricky for individuals to get happy during the camps. Young children and adolescents who ended up placed there did truly feel a diploma of pleasure since they designed buddies. The more mature folks experienced a difficult time, plus they WATCH After Ever Happy 2022 FULL MOVIE weren't proud of the loss of their liberty. However, they persevered and finally factors did recuperate whenever they ended up produced once the war ended and ended up capable to resume their lives as cost-free citizens. It wasn't uncomplicated, but most had been capable of finding pleasure once again as their life ultimately returned to a sense of normalcy.
The pandemic is often a disaster of immeasurable proportions of hardship and despair. Pleasure is often achieved and maintained which has a beneficial psychological attitude and faith Later on. Seeking to remain pleased may perhaps have a supreme exertion, but it really pays off eventually.
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Meant to Be
Chris Evans Oneshot
Summary: In which you and Chris are meant to be, in one life or the other
Pairings: Chris Evans x Reader
Warnings: Mentions of an age gap, angst, mentions of death, this is so sad but listen to this song while reading to have your heart ripped out
you glared at the back of chris’ head, or rather the back of his plane seat.
you were mad, and you were mad because you didn’t even have the right to be mad.
he hadn’t done anything wrong, technically. if you subtracted the fact that he had broken up with you months ago and had started dating a new woman shorty after then yes, chris evans had been perfectly innocent.
but no, instead it had been you that messed up. it had been you that couldn’t keep her fat mouth shut, word vomiting all over chris just before the plane ride.
you still cringed as you remember the moment.
you were standing outside of the airport, all cast members of the avengers headed to tokyo for press and interviews.
chris had been standing alone and for some reason, you had decided to take your final shot. you walked straight up to him, puffed out your chest, and blurred out how you were still in love with him like an idiot.
honestly, if you could have picked a time for an asteroid to suddenly destroy the earth then that would have been it.
there were no words to explain the awkwardness of your words, and how chris’ face looked as he gently explained to you that he was with someone now.
someone that wasn’t you. someone that wasn’t twenty years younger than him, someone more mature and most importantly, someone that wanted all the things he wanted.
you had to admit, it stung.
it stung bad that the only reason he broke up with you was because of your age.
“we’re too different,” he had said, “you’re only twenty and i’m almost forty. we just don’t want the same things anymore.”
what he meant to say was that he just didn’t want you anymore. and it killed you, it tore you apart everyday that you had lost the love of your life over a damn number.
what was a couple years when you had a romance like yours and chris’? you were so happy together. you had so much fun. there was never a dull moment and you loved each other so passionately, so deeply, that everybody you met would comment on it.
or, at least that’s what you thought.
but months later you were still left with a bitter taste in your mouth when you remembered that wasn’t your reality anymore.
he wasn’t yours anymore.
“you okay kid?” rdj looked at you worriedly as you bit the inside of your cheeks to keep from crying.
“no,” you whispered lowly so that chris or anyone else couldn’t hear you. “i did a stupid thing today. before we got on the plane, i...”
“ah. that,” robert winced as he reminisced the moment, and the awkward silence that followed.
“yes, that,” you sniffled, still staring at chris’ head. “i-i can’t believe i did that. i’m so stupid. chris was right — how would he ever want me back when i keep acting like a child?”
“hey,” rdj frowned and shook his head. “you’re not stupid. you were emotional. it happens to the best of us.”
“does it really?” you wonder, not believing it. “because right now, it seems like i’m the only one suffering.”
it was true — chris seemed absolutely fine. you never saw him crying in the tabloids after the breakup. you never saw him posting sad quotes on social media or shutting down completely.
in fact, it was the opposite. he seemed happier without your relationship. happier without you.
a sob bubbled up in your throat. you quickly ran for the bathroom.
chris and rdj both frowned at your disappearing figure, but chris also felt a pang of sadness.
he couldn’t help it, — how could he? you were once upon a time the absolute light of his life. for two years, you were his anchor. his rock. his pride and joy, the reason he wanted to come home every night.
chris had loved you with everything in his being. more than any woman he had ever before. you were the love of his life, but you were also someone he had let go.
to this day, he still didn’t know why he did it.
he didn’t know why he left you in hysterics that faithful day, begging him for an explanation. begging him not leave.
it still hurt when he thought about it. it still haunted his dreams, still caused him to twist his face in pain.
he hated hurting you. he always did.
but in a way, letting you go was to help you more than hurt you.
he knew that you were significantly younger than him. but still, he had tried to fool himself into thinking you could both work when it was clear you wanted different things.
chris wanted a family. he was ready to settle down, ready for you to get married and have children.
but you weren’t.
like any twenty year old, you wanted to party and see the world and maybe adopt a dog. but kids? marriage? you had barely experienced anything. you wanted more time, you had begged him to give you more time, but time wasn’t something chris had.
he wasn’t getting any younger.
but you were. you still had a young and fighting spirit and chris didn’t want to dampen it by forcing you into a life you weren’t ready for.
so he ended it.
he met another woman. they talked, they wanted the same things.
chris was happy. or at least, he tried to tell himself that. he tried to tell himself that he loved his girlfriend, loved that she wanted everything he wanted. he loved that he could finally have the life he’d always wanted.
only...it wasn’t.
because you weren’t in it.
-
the plane rocked vicicously as you stumbled back to your seat, eyes red.
thankfully, nobody decided to comment on it but you could see the frown on scarlet’s face and the concern on jermey’s. you could feel anthony wanting to say something, but he was right by chris and he didn’t wanna risk any drama.
not now. you all were supposed to be happy — you were promoting the biggest movie of your lives!
but excitement hardly reached you at all. hardly touched you at all, sadness blocking away any positive emotions.
“you okay?” robert asked again as you sat back down.
you stared at the floor for a moment before letting out a small nod. “i will be,” you said, not bothering to hide your voice this time.
chris frowned at this. he gripped the seat a little tight as the plane shook again.
“why don’t you relax?” rdj suggested, “have some water. try to get some sleep. we’ll be in tokyo soon.”
“where are we now?” you asked, trying to distract your mind.
“i think maybe...somewhere over indonesia? i dunno, the pilot didn’t specify. she just said—”
“ah!”
robert was cut off by the plane shaking again, but this time, it was more deadly.
you jolted to the left, a scream escaping your lips as you went flying out of your seat.
it had seemed you had forgotten to put your seat belt back on once you got back to your seat, and you tumbled into the aisle as the plane tilted in a deadly position.
“y/n!” oxygen masks were quickly administered to everybody on the plane. anthony had to fight chris to put on his, stopping him from taking off his seat belt and helping you.
“chris, no! you need this!”
“like hell! y/n needs me!” chris panicked as he saw your frame go flying.
scarlet screamed as the plane began to twist, the terrified voice of pilot administering the worst news possible.
“the engines have failed! the plane can no longer support itself! we’re going down!”
robert tried his best to reach out for you; to grab you and pull you to safety.
but it was as no use. the plane hit something hard and in a split second your body disappeared as the plane was literally torn apart.
the last thing he remembered was chris screaming for you before it all went black.
-
chris didn’t know how long it was before he finally woke again.
all he knew was that when he did, everything hurt like hell.
he groaned as the aches began to spread in his body, slowly peeling his eyes open to face the bright sunlight.
“h-hello?” his voice was horse. weak. “i-is anybody there?”
he cried out as he tried to move and felt pain emitting from his side. but as painful as it was, he knew he had to get up.
“chris?!”
several frantic voices called out his name, gasps echoing throughout the air. he moaned as someone dropped down beside him, the embrace that they pulled him into causing pain to shoot all over his body.
“oh my god, he’s alive!”
the voice belonged to scarlet. he could vaguely make out her blonde hair, and her figure as she stood over him.
“chris?”
anthony sooned joined her. “is that you buddy? can you hear us?”
“loud and clear,” chris moaned out. “w-what happened? why does everything...hurt?”
the only thing he remembered was seeing you run to the bathroom. and then, it all just went blank as if someone had erased his memories.
anthony’s face was as serious as he had ever seen it. but even more than that, it was grim. full of worry and hurt.
scarlet was the same. she had tears in her eyes and dirt on her expensive clothes that didn’t belong there. chris furrowed his eyebrows.
“we...” anthony swallowed thickly. “we were in a...crash. the engines — they stopped working. we barely had time to prepare before the plane...”
“oh my god,” chris was suddenly alert, panic filling very inch of him as he sat up.
he remembered now. he remembered seeing your figure flying all over the plane because you didn’t have a seat belt on. he remembered reaching for you, yelling your name and screaming for you.
he remembered begging any god that would listen to spare you before he blacked out.
“y/n!”
his eyes widened in horror. where were you?! he searched the premise quickly.
you weren’t anywhere sight. along with robert, jeremy, and hemsworth you were missing.
chris felt a feeling of absolute dread wash over him.
“no,” he whispered, quickly standing up. he ignored every pain in his body. he ignored scarlet and anthony’s warnings to take it easy.
he didn’t care. he didn’t care about himself anymore. his focus is was on you, and where the hell you were at the moment.
“y/n!” he yelled again, shaking his head frantically. “where is she? WHERE IS SHE?!”
both scarlet and anthony flinched at his tone. never, and they meant never, had chris yelled at them before.
“she’s alive,” scarlet answered immediately, trying to calm a frantic chris. “she’s alive, but...”
“it’s not looking good, pal,” anthony’s voice cracked, causing chris’ stomach to sink. “we found her but...she wasn’t wearing a seat belt. and when the plane crashed...she got stuck under some rubble.”
“oh god,” chris felt he was gonna be sick. “can i see her? where are the others? are they helping her? take me to her!”
“robert, jeremy and chris are all alive,” scarlet said. “they’re trying their best...”
scarlet’s voice fell on deaf ears as chris decided to just go see for himself. he was tired of them dancing around it. he wanted to see you. he wanted to know that you were okay, that you were alive.
“y/n!”
scarlet and anthony yelled after him but he paid them no mind, running through the rubble to find you.
the entire plane that they rented for you guys was in pieces. the wings had been ripped off, the cockpit was miles away, and the back of the plane, where you were sitting, was scattered everywhere.
“y/n!” chris tried again, his voice nearly going hoarse from yelling so loud.
but then this time, he did get a response.
he whipped around as someone called out his name, but disappointment filled his veins as he saw that it was only jermey.
“chris, buddy...” rdj and chris hemsworth ran up to him, holding him back.
“chris, you don’t need to see this,” hemsworth told him grimly.
so that meant you were nearby. but where?
scarlet said you had been trapped under some rubble. but what chris expected time was maybe a seat, or a small piece of metal.
a strangled cry left his throat as he saw that you were trapped under one of the plane wings.
“y-y/n,” nobody could stop him as he fell to his knees by your head, the only visible part of your body.
you didn’t even know what to say as the love of your life came into view.
you wanted to say everything — so much — but your body was on fire.
if chris thought he had it bad, then you were ten times worse.
not only were your legs pinned, but also your ribs and your left arm. the only thing that hadn’t been trapped was your right arm, which was completely numb, and your head.
you were still conscious, but not by much.
you could feel it.
the sensation everyone always talked about. the tingling in your brain. the white light behind your eyes.
you were close.
“c-chris,” so help you god, you were not gonna leave this earth without speaking to him one last time. you had said your goodbyes to everybody else. as soon as they realized that they couldn’t get the metal off of you — that they weren’t strong enough, and that help wasn’t coming — you had decided to make peace with your remaining breath.
but not with chris. with chris, you didn’t want peace. you wanted love and the happiness of seeing his eyes one last time.
“y/n...” the strangled sob that left his lips wasn’t human. it was gutural, animalistic. chris was crying out for you, he was in pain. “no!”
“i don’t...have much time,” you sputtered out pathetically, blood spilling out of your mouth. “i-i’m dying.”
the revelation was clear to see, but chris still refused to accept it.
“no!” he repeated the word once again. “no, you’re not dying! y/n, you can’t die!”
“c-chris please,” black spots began to cloud your vision. but chris didn’t give up.
“what are you all just standing there for?!” he glared angrily at his friends. “help me! help me get this shit off of her!”
everyone stared at chris with a gutted look in their eyes. they turned away as he tried to lift the wing, as he tried to accomplish what they already failed at hours ago.
“mate, we tried...” hemsworth sniffed. “it’s not coming up.”
“no!” chris turned to him with such fury, such denial that it actually made hemsworth stumble back. “no, you don’t get to decide that! you don’t get to just stand there while she’s dying!”
“we didn’t!” rdj quickly stepped in. “we tried to help.”
“well then try again!” chris snapped again, pushing against the metal. scarlet sobbed as it stayed in the same place.
“t-they know it w-won’t help,” your sad voice whispered out, causing chris to pause. “t-they know i-i’m a goner anyways.”
“don’t say that,” chris sobbed as he dropped to your side again, hands reaching out to stoke your numb cheek. “don’t say that you’re dying. you’re gonna be fine...you’re gonna be f-fine.”
you could tell that even he didn’t believe it. the damage was too extensive. there was no way you were getting out of there alive.
“t-tell my family that i l-love them,” you mumbled, coughing up blood. “and sebastian a-and tom and—”
“don’t,” chris cut you off. “don’t do this.”
he wore the expression of a man being burned alive. he was in pure agony, pain clawing at every inch of him. consuming him faster than it was taking you.
“r-remember that,” you ignored him, the ringing in your ears getting louder. “remember that i love...you.”
there it was.
chris finally broke upon hearing these words. so painful for you to spit out, but yet they were important enough to waste your last breaths on. he was important enough.
“i love you too,” chris broke down, sobs racking his body as he held your hand. “i love you, so much. more than you’ll ever know. i love you for everything that you are. you’re the love of my life. i can’t live w-without you baby.”
“y-you don’t have to...s-say it back...” you gave him a pained smile. “just because i-i’m dying...i know you love h-her now. s-she’s your f-future. i-i’m just sorry we never h-had a chance,” your eyes began to flutter.
“no, no, no, no!” chris whimpered. “it was never her, baby. i don’t love her. it was always you. you’re my future. p-please y/n, you’re the mother of my kids. you’re my wife. it was always gonna be you, no matter what,” he shook his head. “always and forever, we’re meant to be.”
“m-meant to be,” you stuttered out, a ghost of a smile on your face. if you had to die again, you’d happily go out with those words being the last thing you ever heard.
chris bawled as he watched the light finally leave your eyes and your body slump. you almost looked peaceful, as if you were smiling in your sleep, but he knew better.
the love of his life was gone.
“chris? chris? look at me!” robert grabbed chris by the shoulders as he started hyperventilating, pounding at the soil with his fists. “look at me, buddy!”
“she’s gone,” chris cried as robert held him in his arms, “s-she,”
his eyes began to flutter close as he struggled to get the words out. suddenly, it became harder to breathe. black spots clouded his visions and chris’ body began shutting down with every breath, unable to cope with your death.
“what’s happening?!” anthony yelled as chris painfully slumped over, his body going limp in robert’s arms.
shakily, the older man held two fingers to his neck and prayed that he wasn’t gone, too. he prayed that the universe didn’t take chris and you, all in one day.
but they knew.
they knew the minute he pulled his hand back, dropping his head lowly in defeat. they knew before he even opened his mouth. they knew as he pulled away, resting chris’ body gently next to yours.
“he’s gone.”
#chris evans#chris evans imagine#chris evans one shot#chris evans x reader#chris evans x you#chris evans angst
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what once was mine.
a neville longbottom x reader wherein the reader catches a disease that everyone fears to get, and when the former realizes what was happening, it was all too late.
WARNING: angst, hanahaki!au, mentions of death, major character death
A/N: okay so this is my own entry for my writing challenge !! the chaotic eggs were talking about hanahaki fics and i just couldn’t shake this idea off. i hate writing angst for this little bean but i JUST can’t let this go.
prompt: healing incantation from tangled.
word count: 3.2k
---
Neville walked through the path of what was once his safe haven, the chilling air biting into his skin as he reached the only tree that was in the middle of the vast land that was littered with flowers.
For the beautiful place that once brought him joy, also gave him despair.
---
You and Nevile got along quite well due to the fact that the two of you grew up next to each other and that you’ve always had this special bond over plants— whether it be magical or just the normal kind— meaning that you mostly bonded over tending to the plants at the greenhouse and helping Professor Sprout during your free time.
He would usually teach you the magical properties of the plants you’ve studied for in Herbology while you teach him certain meanings and symbolisms for flowers that you’ve studied in your free time.
---
Neville was making his way to the greenhouse when he heard a gentle voice through the window, peeking through, he saw you gently spray the pots of dittany with water as you quietly sang,
“Flower, gleam and glow
Let your power shine
Make the clock reverse
Bring back what once was mine”
He mesmerized by the way you carried out the song, capturing him in a trance as you continued to sing and tend to the plant, unaware of his presence,
“Heal what has been hurt
Change the Fate's design
Save what has been lost
Bring back what once was mine”
Your voice growing more silent as you ended the song, only noticing his presence as you turn around and see him looking at you with a rather dazed expression, amazed at what you’ve performed in front of him.
“Nev! how long have you been there?” You question, nearly dropping the watering can, cheeks flushed at the realization that he heard you singing.
He smiled at you shyly, “Just enough to hear you sing, why have you never told me that you sing so well?” he questioned, jogging to the door and entered the greenhouse, the smile still evident on his lips.
You shied away from his gaze, “It just never came up as topic, besides my singing abilities aren’t that good.” you now answer, walking back to the table to return the canister and face him, crossing your arms as you lean on the table. “Now I’m guessing you want an answer to why I was singing to them?” Questioning him, motioning to the plants that was in front of you.
He sheepishly nodded, genuinely curious at your habit.
Taking a deep breath in, you started to explain, “When I was young, my mom would always sing me this song when she’s healing the small wounds I would get to distract me from the pain, telling me that this song helps to revive what once was in agony.” You answered, walking back over to gently hold the leaves of the magical plant in front of you.
“Then when I started to grow my own garden, I would sing the song to the flowers in my garden when they would show signs of wilting, as if to help them grow back. It’s silly, I know, but I just believe that it helps them in a way.” You finished explaining, looking back at him with an embarrassed expression, still in disbelief that he had finally caught you.
He looked at you incredulously, shocked that you think he would shame you for such a habit. “I don’t think that’s embarrassing, I honestly think it’s adorable.” tone filled with sincerity as he rubbed the nape of his neck, “I would love to learn that song too.”
That was your turn to look at him with disbelief, did he really want to learn the song because of you?
A huge grin soon came over your lips as you pulled out a tattered leather journal from your bag, handing it over to him. “I might consider teaching you the song if you learn these flowers with me.” You persuaded him, his hands now opening the notebook to see the hand-drawn flowers you’ve designed on the pages, it’s names and meanings beside it.
“You’ve got yourself a deal.”
---
“Hey (Y/N), what do these flowers symbolize?” He asked you one day, pointing to the page that had carnations decorating the page, the name and its meaning missing.
You leaned over and smiled sadly at the drawing, “Those are red carnations, Nev.” You started off, leaning on your chair as you continued, “You can see that the red varies from a light red hue to a much deeper and rich one, right? Well, the light red carnations symbolizes admiration while the deeper ones mean deep love and affection.”
He eagerly listened to your explanation, nodding once as he motioned for you to finish what you were saying, you bring your hand towards the white and striped variations of the same flower, “The white ones represent pure love and good luck while the striped ones are for the regret of a love one cannot share. “ You finished, giving him an accomplished look as he was amazed.
“Who knew a single flower and its colors have tons of meanings.” He commented, fingers gently grazing over the surface of the page as he looked at it with awe.
“Everything has meaning if you look at enough, Nev.”
---
As days passed by, you’ve bonded over the simple journal filled with flowers, spending hours upon hours showing him what they could mean to a person and how you can care for it.
as the days passed, you also felt your heart slowly sink in deeper into the emotions you swore to never tell.
---
You were passing by greenhouse when you heard a familiar tune carry out from the windows, stopping by the very last one, you peek to see Neville carefully tending to his Mimbulus Mimbetonia that he bought in that same year, gently watering the plant as he sang.
“Flower, gleam and glow
Let your power shine
Make the clock reverse
Bring back what once was mine”
Admittedly, his voice wasn’t that good but the tenderness in every word he spoke had you swooning; your heart swelled with adoration as he continued to sing, unaware of how you were silently watching him.
You’ve made yourself content with that, just admiring him from the distance; loving him silently from the side.
---
The two of you were in the Great Hall, immersed yet in another session of flowers and symbols, you were explaining to him the meaning of Camellias when you’ve noticed he seemed to be out of focus, staring off into the distance.
You followed his gaze to the group of students who proudly wore their house color of blue, landing on a certain blonde girl who was eating her food quietly, caught in-between two chattering girls.
Upon realization, your throat started to itch, making you wince at the feeling. “Hey Neville, are you still with me?” You asked, clearing your airway as to ease out on the uneasy feeling stirring inside of you.
He instantly snapped out of it and looked back at you with a grin, “Yeah, I’m sorry about that. You were saying?” motioning you to continue, eyes now glued to the flower you had recently drawn.
“There are called camellias. Generally, they would symbolize love, affection and admiration to a person. However, like what I’ve explained before, the colors vary what their purpose.” You explained, hand reaching over to scratch your throat as the its irritation intensified, “For example, red would mean love and affection.”
Neville silently nodded, not noticing how you were struggling with your words, “and these are?” he asked, pointing to the pink ones that were alone by the corner of the page.
“Those are pink camellias, those signify a longing for someone,” You finished.
“Your knowledge on these never ceases to amaze me.”
---
Weeks passed and the irritation just worsened, confusing you to no end about what you may have eaten to cause such a state.
Until you were walking alongside with Neville until you coughed, feeling a rather foreign object in your mouth. You covered your mouth and looked at your friend with wide eyes before running to the lavatory, stumbling to the sink as you release whatever was in your mouth.
It was petals, and not just any petals, it was striped carnation petals.
You stared at the bunch in your hands, rather terrified of the beautiful red to white design it had.
---
Seemingly enough, every time you would cough up these little monsters, it would be whenever Neville would be looking or talking to Luna.
Your eyes looked at the amount of petals you had coughed up in just a week, filling the little jar you had hidden halfway through already. Everyday would be a new struggle for you as your breathing would get restricted more and more each time.
You sat by the window of your dorm and watched how the glass reflected in the moonlight, gently shaking the jar as you watch the petals flutter inside the case, remembering how you
You had some alone time after telling Neville that you would stay back at Hogwarts rather than go down at Hogsmeade, telling him that you were feeling a little under the weather for such activities.
He offered to stay back but you said no, telling him to go have fun and enjoy the rest of the day, to which he reluctantly agreed to and left with Seamus and Dean.
You wandered into the library in hopes at you would find something that would answer what you had been currently suffering with. Eyes quickly skimming through the various books until you came across one that explained muggle ailments and illnesses.
Scanning through the pages, your eyes had caught a picture of lungs that were slowly being filled with petals, “Hanahaki Disease...” you read out loud, your head pulsating at the realization of what you had caught, its severity causing you to tear up.
‘This disease is stemmed from a love you cannot receive back, the petals usually appear from a certain flower and reminds them of the person they hold dearest.’ You silently read, blinking through the tears as your fingers played with the carnations that laid rest inside your pocket.
“It’s severity may vary from petals to coughing up the full form of the flowers, the only known cure for this is aside from the reciprocation of love is the removal of the petals, however the devastating side-effect includes the loss of emotions for the said person. This is severely fatal for those who decide to leave it be, death be their mark for those who pretend not to see.” you whispered, fear creeping into your mind at the realization if you get this removed, your love for Neville will also leave
That’s when you’ve decided to leave what you have as it, choosing to endure what may come rather than to lose Neville.
Your hand clutched the container as sobs soon followed, tears freely flowing down your cheeks, “I’d rather fight and endure the pain may give me than to lose the love I have for you, Nev.”
and for the first time in what seems like forever, there were no petals that night.
---
You’ve decided to keep a notebook to keep track on the days you’ve survived with this living hell, writing down what happened within your day and if you have coughed up any petals; small bits and pieces of how you adore your best friend.
You were by the Greenhouse, hugging your cardigan closer to your body as you admired the beautiful flowers of a rather wilted aconite, drawing the plant as you quietly sang to yourself,
“Flower, gleam and glow
Let your power shine
Make the clock reverse
Bring back what once was mine”
Bringing comfort to your rather irritated chest as someone joined along, your head whipped to where the sound came from, seeing Neville walk towards you with a rather warm smile, the same smile that you found comfort in, the same one that caused you to be in the predicament that you are right now.
“What are you drawing there?” He had asked, attempting to peek at the notebook which you closed rather quickly.
You shook your head and hugged the notebook close to your chest, “You can’t look into this yet, Nev. Not yet.” You had said before coughing once more, a single petal escaping your lips.
He looked at you with concern etched on his face, rubbing your back soothingly. “You’ve been coughing a lot lately, (Y/N), are you alright?” He asked, voice laced with worry as you nodded, giving him a smile as you held onto his hand.
“I’m all good, Neville, don’t worry. It’s just a cold that’s been sticking around for longer.”
---
You crossed out another date on the calendar you’ve made on your journal, signifying you have yet lived another day with this treacherous disease. It’s been three years since the first day you’ve coughed up petals and you still can’t believe you’ve lasted this long.
The longest record for this was for just 5 months, yet here you are now, marching on your way down to the Great Hall with your heart pounding at the realization that you were about to walk into another battle aside from your own.
As chaos soon ensued, you and Neville were on lookout by the other end of the wooden bridge, on the lookout for the pack of death eaters that were bound to invade the castle that way. You were both staring out into the rather pitch black valley, you were chewing the inside of your cheek as your hands grip on the railing, “Nev, before we both get into this, I just want you to know-”
You were about to confess what you felt for him when a loud rumble of feet interrupted, making you both alert and grip onto your wands as you looked into the distance. You grabbed his hand the moment you saw the death eaters viciously towards the entrance when three of them just obliterated into nothing making the rest halt in their tracks,
Neville gave you a knowing look, a rather victorious smile on his lips, “Yeah?! You and whose army?!”, taunting the large crowd who stopped in their tracks. Yet when a single flare landed on Scabior’s want, you immediately tugged on his sleeve, “Nev, we have to run.” as the death eaters rushed inside the gatehouse.
You instantly took the lead, the both of you fleeing the bridge while avoiding the spells the snatcher was casting on the both of you while Neville casted a few spells to blow up the bridge.
You were the first one to the end, watching how the bridge fell as your friend disappeared from your sight, “Neville!” You shrieked, Seamus holding you back as you coughed, your throat not handling the rather strenuous thing.
You struggled in Seamus’ grip, sobbing at the thought that your friend might have plummeted to his death when his want re-emerged from where the bridge cut off, his head soon popping out as he supported himself on the ledge, “That went well.” He groaned.
You wiped your tears and ran towards him, helping him up as you cupped his face, eyes searching any bruises he might have. “Nev, don’t ever scare me like that again.” You sobbed, not minding the fact that every time you had to take a sharp inhale, it felt like glass was being pushed into your lungs because of the flowers growing within your chest.
A soft chuckle escaped his lips, breath heaving in lots of air as he felt the adrenaline course through his veins, “I’m okay, (Y/N/N). I promise.” he assured, smiling at you rather happily.
“Hey I hate to break your moment but we have to get back inside the castle now” Ginny spoke up, motioning the two of you to go and stand up. You both looked at each other and stood up, running along with her into the school as you maneuvered through the sea of students trying to flee the scene.
“What were you trying to say earlier, (Y/N)?” Neville had finally asked, glancing at you as he bumped into another student again, you shook your head, choosing not to speak up about your emotions in a time like this, “I’ll tell you once this thing is over, just promise me you’ll stay alive” You said back, giving him a smile which he mirrored, understanding what you meant.
“Ginny! Neville! (Y/N)! Are you alright?” Harry’s voice soon rang in your ears, watching how Harry took the lass by his side and looked at the both of you with expectancy. You gave him a mere nod while the other spoke up, “Never better! I feel like I could spit fire! You haven’t seen Luna, have you?”
Harry looked at him confused, “Luna?” “I’m mad for her! ‘Think it’s about time I told her since we’d probably both be dead by dawn!” Neville exclaimed, giving you a small pat on the back as he ran up the stairs.
You suddenly felt your airway constrict more as you violently coughed, hunching over as a bunch of petals escaped your mouth, a bit of your own blood trailing down your mouth as you looked at Ginny who was talking with Harry. Despite the painful ringing in your ear and your ragged breath, you shouted at the both of them, “I’ll go this way! Be safe, the both of you!” before running off into the distance, fighting your way through the crowd.
You didn’t know where your feet would take you as you ran until you reached a deserted hallway, making you finally collapse on the floor as you spat out buds of the beautiful carnation and even the flower in its full form.
With a shaky hand, you grasp onto in, heaving in your last breath before blacking out.
---
When you woke up next, you heard a voice quietly sing albeit the hoarseness present in it, you found the sense of familiarity in every word,
“Flower, gleam and glow
Let your power shine
Make the clock reverse
Bring back what once was mine”
The song was cut off by a sob, causing you to stir as your vision was invaded by the bright light, looking down at what seems to be a distraught Neville. “H-Hey.” You managed to croak, wincing at the pain it caused you.
He looked up at you with bloodshot eyes, “Why didn’t you tell me, (Y/N)? Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked, crying harder as you brought your hand up to wipe his tears, silencing his sobs as you sang for one last time,
“Heal what has been hurt
Change the Fate's design
Save what has been lost
Bring back what once was mine”
Tears of your own spilled as you realized that you have finally reached your end, that with every inhale that you took the exhales got shorter. You weakly cupped his cheek, smiling softly. “I didn’t want you to worry so much, seeing you happy was enough for me.” You explained, eyes exploring the ruins of the Great Hall for one last time.
“Because I’d rather die knowing that I loved someone as great as you, Neville. I’m sorry.” your answer cut off by coughing up the final camellia that escaped your system, giving it to him as you softly sang before drifting off, the cries of what once was your first love floating away.
“What once… was mine.”
---
TAGS: @theweasleyslut @violetravens @eunoia-kth @starlightweasley @minty-malfoy @glimmering-darling-dolly @slytherinsunrise @loony-loopy-lupinn @dogweedanddeathcaps @pastanest
#FoTT200wc#neville longbottom#neville longbottom x reader#neville longbottom x y/n#neville longbottom angst#neville longbottom imagine#neville longbottom imagines#neville longbottom fic#neville longbottom fics
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Signs in the Sixth House
The sixth house is where we associate the sign of Virgo (ruled by the planet Mercury) but the goddess of Harvest and Fertility, Ceres or Demeter is assigned with the constellation. Demeter had a daughter named Persephone (Goddess of Spring) and Zeus thought of Persephone as the ideal wife for Hades who was the God of Underworld and not happy with his position. The myth is famously called “The Kidnapping of Persephone”. In the end, it is decided that Persephone only has to spend part of the year with Hades in the underworld and this is when the seasonal cycles come to play. Demeter had to let go of her daughter and with that acceptance, we now have four season which gives the circle of life the balance it needs. So, what does this famous myth has to do with this house? Well, I see this house as the loss of childhood (coming after 5th house), growing pains, the responsibilities one comes face to face, taking care of your own health... Living is not all about fun and games no longer. The house represents the necessary actions or the discipline one has to adapt into their lives in order for their lively-hoods to blossom.
♈︎Aries / Mars in the 6th House:
These people want to have it their way when it comes to daily plans. They have a certain routine in which they’d prefer not to change for other people. They are talented in the field of organizing but when it comes to keeping up they are slacking. They are aware of how the “self” needs growth and would love to take the necessary actions for doing so, however, they are not good recognizing what these actions exactly should be. They are naive in their approach to taking care of themselves even though they would think of themselves as the best at it. They need to at least take into consideration what other people might have to say about what might be good for them. Aries rules the head, therefore the native might be prone to migraines, head injuries and sinus pressure. Anxiety can also catch up to them when they feel like they are not good at something they set out their minds on. When working for other people, the person’s ego is very fragile. They do not like the idea of pleasing others. They are also quite competitive in the work environment. The transition to adulthood was painful but was faster than what was anticipated. The native was a rebellious young-adult who was angry at the unfairness of the world.
♉︎Taurus / Venus in the 6th House:
People with this placement tend to be very stubborn about the way they want to live to be the best option for them (and perhaps everyone else too). They will not change anything about what they are doing for anyone’s sake. And when it comes to it, their daily routine is pretty lazy and focused on one’s pleasure. They want everything to go smoothly and under their control. They do take care of themselves but it a more self-indulgent way than anything. They like making plans so that they can enjoy it. They are likely to accept other people to custom their daily lives to their own. They are not very disciplined people when it comes to taking the right actions for an order to take place in their lives. Taurus rules the throat, including the neck, thyroid gland, and vocal tract. The native might be prone to inflammation of the tonsils, sore throats, and thyroid imbalance. They are sensitive to catching a cold more than most people. Anxiety can catch up with them when they see things not going their way and when their peace is disrupted by circumstances. A test of their optimism is something they fear but inevitable. When working for other people, they make sure to make themselves feel comfortable. They’ve got a way of making their superiors like them but it is a forced relationship. Even if they tend to be lazy in the work environment they are capable of keeping things under control. The transition to adulthood was very slow since the native is stubborn when it comes to giving in to nature. The native was surprisingly a patient and peaceful young adult.
♊︎Gemini / Mercury in the 6th House:
The daily lives of these people with this placement tend to be very busy and hectic. Thankfully, they are very capable of taking on a lot of things at once. They are very curious about health and what is the right path for them to follow when it comes to self-actualization. They are very adaptable to sudden changes in their routines and have no trouble with organizing. They seem to be very talented when it comes to recognizing the necessary actions to be taken so that their lives will come in order. They always have a back-up plan when things seem to go wrong. They might have a tendency to always “be on a diet” since they have an immense curiosity for the field of health. These people are highly analytic and seem to be afraid of being ill. They are likely to be one of those people who constantly google symptoms. Gemini rules the nervous system which includes the shoulders, lungs, arms, hands, and fingers. They might be prone to carpal tunnel syndrome, anxiety, nervous or fidgety problems, smoking-related illnesses, and breathing issues. When working for other people, they are very good at doing the right thing and following orders. In the work environment even though they seem cool and capable on the outside, inside a lot of nervousness can be bothering them because of their desire of being perfect at what they are doing. The transition to adulthood was very awkward for them and caused a lot of anxiety on their part but they adapted rather quickly. The native was a young adult who was always on the run trying to achieve their goals as soon as possible.
♋︎Cancer / Moon in the 6th House:
When it comes to their daily plans these people base them on their emotional needs which are changeable hence the reason why they find it hard to have a steady structure - not that they are complaining. They like the fact that their lives are unpredictable and ever-changing. They stick to their gut feeling when it comes to knowing what is the best thing to do for their bodies and livelihood. Their mother might have influenced them a lot when it comes to self-discipline or on the contrary, it was so lacking that they had to become their own mothers and teach themselves about nourishment through trial and error. They are not comfortable with restrictions and discipline. The idea of a routine can lead them into depression. Flexibility is important for their mental health. Cancer rules the chest, including the breasts and stomach. The natives can face problems concerning these areas. The mother might also pass on an illness to the native. But the emotional ups and downs caused by past traumas will be the biggest concern for the chart owner. In the work environment, they are well-liked. The people they work for or work with seem to feel close to these individuals even if the native is not really doing anything intentionally. Their intuition is working well when they are doing their jobs. The transition to adulthood might have had been very hard for them. Their biggest emotional problems probably occurred during their “growing pains”. As a young adult, they were quite emotional and well known for their vulnerability.
♌︎Leo / Sun in the 6th House:
It would be a hard task trying to make these people do whatever they don’t want to do. They can be pretty selfish when it comes to their plans and comfort zones. They go about their days confidently, thinking the universe only works for them but this is not the case. When they come face to face with this harsh truth they self-sabotage and make the most childish choices. They are forever creative individuals who never want to grow up. They can be introverts since they only feel confident in themselves when they are in control and other people will only bring discomfort into their daily lives. Even though they are very intelligent and creative they do not like to collaborate with people for similar reasons. Leo rules the heart, spine, spinal column and upper back.If these people do not follow a passion and know joy, there can be heart disease. It is crucial for them to live their everyday lives just the way they desire. It is not possible always of course. This is the reason why for their constant depression. Once they let go of the control issues they will get rid of the depression for good since the energy of the sun has immense healing powers as much as bringing too much focus in the place it's shining on to. In the work environment, they are very efficient IF they are working on their own. There is a great chance for them to outshine everybody else surrounding them which will lead to jealousy issues. The transition to adulthood is almost non-existent since they refuse to grow up. As a young adult, they were well-known for their creativity and talents.
♍︎Virgo / Ceres in the 6th House:
This placement feels right at home but it does not make it any easier for the owner. They are very fixated on perfection when it comes to their work, daily lives and self-actualization. They have one of the most analytic brains which can give sudden anxiety. They always feel the need to make sure everything is in the right order, but what is right and what is wrong depends on the circumstances. Not having the answers to problems makes the native nervous. They are always in constant search of what is the right thing to do. Since the answer to this is vague the person with this placement always feels incomplete. They have to watch out for trying to fill this hole with addictions. Virgo rules the digestive system, which includes the intestines, and spleen. People with this placement might suffer digestive problems in addition to addiction and anxiety problems. Their hyper-awareness needs to be tamed. Meditation and mindfulness are highly recommended to these individuals. They are also very helpful individuals. Concerns of others become their concerns also. In the work environment, they are hard-workers. They tend to tire themselves out to the point of exhaustion and they tend to overlook their health when their work is on the line. The transition to adulthood came naturally since they were eager to work and take care of themselves on their own. But once they are fully grown they miss their youth greatly. As a young adult, they were well-known for being workaholics and perfectionists who were nervous wrecks from time to time.
♎︎Libra / Venus in the 6th House:
With Libra’s energy being here balance seems to be the one thing the native of the chart is striving for more than anything. With balance comes peace and beauty but in order to understand and value the true meanings of these things other than what is on the surface these people have to have a taste of chaos and imbalance in their lives. Only chaos gives birth to such beauty. Balance in their daily lives is essential for these people since the circumstances are extra hard on them. The ruthless side of Venus shows its face here. The sign of Libra rules the kidneys, skin, lumbar region, endocrine system, and buttocks. People with this placement might come face to face with health problems concerning these areas. It is a great signifier of how they have to get their act together at this time. They have a tendency to wait for a significant other to help them on their journey of self-actualization which seems to be their downfall. Relationships seem to affect their health greatly. Being dependent on others will cause their personalities to be unstable. Extra care needs to be taken on their own being. In the work environment, they are quite artistic and seem to take care of anything that is out of order in their jobs. They are very flirty with their co-workers. During their transition to adulthood, they have blossomed beautifully. They had to go through a lot of tests concerning relationships. As a young adult, they could’ve had been heart-breakers and a lot of people had crushes on them.
♏︎Scorpio / Pluto in the 6th House:
When the antagonist of Demeter’s story comes to rule her house we might come across some friction here for the natives of the chart in a house that friction is already dominating. These people are masters at planning things. They can manipulate other people to adjust their lives according to their own. They are capable of controlling other people without even trying but there is a lot of karma that follows them without their knowledge. They are master manifesters but unsatisfaction with their daily lives seems to be a curse they have to deal with. It is almost like they have a great sense of what other people are going through and how can they fix it for them (or make it worse) but when it comes to their lives not only are they clueless but they always feel out of place. Keeping their powers of manifestation on a leash can actually do wonders for them. They need to take extra caution of their thoughts, especially of others. They need to stay away from any kind of obsessive behavior. The sign of Scorpio rules the reproductive system, sex organs, bowels, and excretory systems. They can have health troubles in their lives concerning these areas when their life is out of order. Once they put their lives in order and be careful of not adapting manipulative behavior, there is nothing that can stop them... They have the potential of becoming magicians almost. They can especially work their magic in the work environment. They have a way of climbing on the top of everyone else very quickly. They have a powerful influence on people. The transition to adulthood was almost transformative. Something inside had died and now they are the phoenix who rose from its ashes. As young adults, they have done things they regret but thanks to those mistakes they are capable of great things in life now.
♐︎Sagittarius / Jupiter in the 6th House:
The sign and planet of expansion are still going to do its job in a house that is all about discipline. Sagittarius is also all about higher knowledge hence the reason why the native of this placement will have an undeniable desire to know about their health and what is the right thing to do for self-actualization. The more it is ignored the larger the problems concerning these areas. The chart owner has to be aware of the issues surrounding their bodies and life-style - blind luck and optimism will not be on their side when it comes to these things if they are not taken into consideration. But once they are noticed and taken care of the native will be very auspicious. Sagittarius rules the thighs, hips, liver, pituitary gland, and sciatic nerve. If they face with health troubles especially around these areas, the native must take immediate action and take their soul-journey in their body seriously. After all, we are spirits who are having a human experience and anything that is of earth needs to be respected... especially our bodies. In the work environment, they are extravagant. It is hard to not notice them and the work they do. They are naturally good at doing what they put their hearts into but if they do not feel enthusiastic about their jobs they will be slacking. The transition to adulthood was overwhelming for them. Their optimism might have had been tested but they gained confidence as they mature. As young adults, they were always out and about and having fun. They have learned the most important lessons in their late teens and early twenties.
♑︎Capricorn / Saturn in the 6th House:
Capricorn can be extra hard on the native of this chart within this house which it shares a familiar theme with. Living life seems like a test they were not prepared to take and they always ask for extra time to complete. Serious caution and consideration need to be taken because once the health of the native is neglected serious consequences will be paid. The great magic of Capricorn (also Saturn) is that once the lesson is learned, that is it. Now you have mastered the issue. With mastery comes confidence and great self-respect. Capricorn rules the knees, joints, skeletal system, and teeth. The natives of this placement might need to take extra care of these parts of the body. Another concern might be anxiety which 6th house (Virgo) already is a natural at and together with Capricorn it is doubled. Counseling might help a lot. Health problems the father had suffered might make a come back in the child (the chart owner) so be very careful of that as well. The work-life might also be something the person is not very that much into as well. Even though the progression is slow for them success is guaranteed as well as great recognition for the job they do. They might even surprise themselves when they discover how good they are. The transition to adulthood was pretty slow for the individual as they did not really wanted to grow up at all but life goes on and with age, they get better like fine-wine. As young adults, they have struggled with a lot of fears. When they finally face those fears the monsters vanish and all that is left is endless opportunities.
♒︎Aquarius / Uranus in the 6th House:
These people are very talented in coming up with creative ways to put their lives in order. They are also very helpful and put their friends' minds at peace as well when it comes to balancing things out. Being out of control might stress them out like no other thing though. They do not like the idea of surprises and fear change. What you fear is what you get. They have learned to master their ways around sudden changes so that they will not be as affected as they used to. They might have had suffered unexpected illnesses no matter the caution they had taken. Aquarius rules the ankles, calves, shins, and circulatory system, therefore, these areas of their bodies might have had suffered or tend to get injured easily when their life is out of control. It is a way of our bodies telling us “get it together”. It is essential for them to know exactly where their future is going. They might be very intuitive. They might have flashes of insight concerning the future. These people are ought to do important work for the progression of humankind in one way or another. They have to feel like the job that they are doing is helpful for someone, out there. Their work environment is a place where they are advised to expect the unexpected. If they are truly satisfied with the fact that what they are striving to do in their job is what they were meant to do then there should be no concern. They have a tendency to be really good friends with the people they work with. The transition to adulthood was nothing like they expected to be. It was pretty shocking and life-changing. As young adults, they might have felt alienated from their environment because they were on a quest to find what was their mission here on Earth. They were on the constant search for their soul-purpose and once they found it there was no turning back.
♓︎Pisces / Neptune in the 6th House:
In this placement the 6th house feels distorted. This is the effect of Neptune on everything it touches but since Virgo is the opposite of Pisces, this touch is grander here. People with this placement tend to give in easily when it comes to what other people want from them. They tend to over estimate their own needs and put others needs first. The sense of some sort of a schedule only comes through other people. Sleep problems might haunt these people when they are not taking care of themselves. Pisces rules the feet, toes, lymphatic system, and body fat, when they are not following the right path these areas of their bodies are highly affected by their wrong doings. Pisces also rules the psychology to a certain extend. Hidden depression is a major concern these people might come to face with. They need to recgonize their bodily needs. It is essential for them to start to notice how their bodies demand respect from them. They need to learn to set up boundaries between them and other people and that is when things will start to get better for them. In their work environment, they are very idealistic. They have high expactations from themselves which can get in the way of actually doing the job the best they can. They need to take things less seriosly and let go of their ideals and only then they can manifest those ideals. They might not really have a clue about what they are doing or what they want to do. They need to allow themselves to take their dreams seriosly and pursue their dreams - not what other people tell their ideal job should be. The transition to adulthood was easy for them, or so they thought. They hid away their problems during this transition, to the subcouncious and they have to deal with them in the later years. As young adults, they were known for being carefree but were they really?
(Art: “Demeter Mourning for Persephone” by Evelyn De Morgan)
#Sixth House#astrology#Zodiac Signs#6th house#ceres#demeter#Evelyn De Morgan#Persephone#hades#aries in the 6th House#mars in the 6th House#taurus in the 6th House#venus in the 6th House#gemini in the 6th House#mercury in the 6th House#cancer in the 6th House#moon in the 6th House#leo in the 6th House#sun in the 6th House#virgo in the 6th House#ceres in the 6th House#libra in the 6th House#scorpio in the 6th House#pluto in the 6th House#sagittarius in the 6th House#jupiter in the 6th House#saturn#saturn in the 6th House#capricorn in the 6th House#aquarius in the 6th House
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lessons that i’ve learnt so far
I haven’t been on this space for a couple of years. Revisiting this space is like a step back into a part of my past self - the part that’s most anxious and depressed. When life got too difficult, I would leave traces of struggle in the form of words. Punching the ‘post’ button always felt so strange — it wasn’t cathartic, it never truly encapsulated what i felt, it didn’t exactly make things feel better — but at least those thoughts were out of the mind and contained in a space.
Recently, I’ve rediscovered this space, reread my entries and realised how far I’ve come through the years. I guess I want to summarise the things that I’ve learnt so far, in this journey of life and hope to continue practising. Excuse the shabbily typed out brain dump.
1. Be humble, learn about yourself + the world
The brain is extremely tricky and stubborn. More often or not, we probably don’t know ourselves as much as we think we do. We tell ourselves narratives of who we are, especially when life is hard and we’re not feeling good.
Know yourself, in and out, through objective means. Cross-reference like crazy using personality tests (Attachment styles, MBTI, enneagram etc), horoscopes, ask your friends what they think of you. Constantly question: who am I really?
Read and research repeatedly — read self-help + non fiction books / listen to talks + podcasts by renowned professionals that debunk your understanding of you and the world. I personally love watching Youtube vlogs of people I look up to - especially when I’m feeling down. The change in perspective is almost always refreshing.
From there, you can break the narratives that you tell yourself everyday. Knowledge is powerful, it keeps us humble and open.
This journey of self-discovery has no end. But that’s the fun of it, because we are always changing as time goes. We’ve got to understand ourselves because no one else will do it for us. Truly understanding ourselves really is the first step to knowing what works for our lives.
2. Acknowledge your shortcomings, but celebrate everything
As we learn about our strengths and weaknesses, there comes a point when we have to accept our shortcomings. Accept, then take action to improve on the things that we can. There’s going to be so much inertia at times - some days feel fine while others make you feel like you’re back to zero.
Track your progress, celebrate the small wins. Encourage yourself constantly, be your biggest cheerleader.
3. Your feelings are not you. Feelings come and they go.
Feel. Do not push away your feelings, even though they are so intense & you feel like you want to disappear.
I find solace when I think of them as: 1) The sky. Yes, the weather changes, there are seasons. Rainy days, sunny days. But the blue sky can be there, at the core we are that beautiful calm sky. 2) The ocean. The waters are always different. Waves roll in as they roll out. Despite how the ocean behaves, you can’t help but think how beautiful and vast it is.
It’s so easy to attach yourself to intense feelings as they come, because you feel every ounce of it so deeply. The brain naturally attaches to painful feelings much easier than the good ones - its really our job to try to rewire its preference against negativity.
Fear, anxiety, sadness - they are real. But so is love, grit, resilience and all the wonderful emotions we have the pleasure to feel.
4. Take good care of yourself. Find healthy coping mechanisms.
You are your biggest asset – believe it with all your heart.
It can be really difficult — sometimes life feels so intense, there’s so much destructive energy, and a lot of times we take it out on ourselves if not on others. My question is — will you ever want the people you love to do the same thing, to suffer? No.
Instead of doing things that simply distract you, replace them with things that uplift you. There are things that are proven to work if you stick to them — journalling, working on what you love, exercising, meditating, hanging out with people who support you. Healthy coping mechanisms look different to everyone and they change over time - so find the things that help you feel better and hopeful about the future.
Taking care of yourself; no one is going to take that job and frankly, do we really want to pass that responsibility on to someone else? When we take care of ourselves, we then have the strength to tend towards those we love.
5. Set boundaries
Boundaries. If only they taught that in school.
Know your triggers. Set boundaries that protect you from your triggers. Communicate your boundaries, make sure to uphold them. Find people who respect your boundaries.
Yes, there are some people who will shit on your boundaries, gaslight you blabla. Do not give them the power to affect your reality. Distance yourself if you can. Cut toxic people out of your life. If you can’t, try to do what’s within your means to not let them take away your energy.
We have a limited amount of energy in a day. More when we are having a good day, less when we wake up to a bad one. Where you place this energy, is where you choose your focus. Focus on the good, always.
6. Learn to plan
Some people are natural planners, but others are not due to their personality or the environment that they grew up in. It took me so many years to understand the power of planning, even more to learn how to do it. I’m still learning every day.
When you’re someone with emotions that come so intensely, planning takes a whole lot of stress off for your future self. Having a plan can also feel like hope. When the mind is depressed, at least there’s a routine to follow. Learn to plan the way that works for you + your life. Kickstart this by learning how other people plan (Youtube, I love you so much) & tweak it to your liking.
So many days when I felt like doing absolutely nothing. But doing absolutely nothing will only make you feel even more shit and its just a downward spiral.
Do the easy shit first, feel good about the easy shit, then do a slightly harder task and another and another. Remember to congratulate yourself always, even if that task is ‘eating a proper meal’.
Oh yes, there are gonna be days when you can’t do anything even after planning .. when you absolutely can’t, don’t beat yourself up for it. Rest, recharge, try again.
7. Get up and learn
There’s going to be many bad days + failures. It’s life, we just got to accept that. But really what matters is getting up and learning from them. There’s always something positive to be learnt. A mistake not to be repeated. If your failures look similar, its life giving you the same lesson.
Getting up and learning is resilience, grit and humility. There’s nothing more romantic than this.
8. You are not alone. Seek help.
We can do a lot, but sometimes there comes a point when we are just struggling way too hard. Ask for help. Reach out. A friend. A lover. A therapist.
You’ll find love and support in ways that you can’t imagine, plus the strength to live again, fuller + brighter.
9. The Breathe
It truly blew my mind when I learnt about the power of breath through yoga and meditation. When the mind is going absolutely batshit insane, don’t think - just breathe. There’s no point adding fuel to the fire. Breathing and being present in the moment - it recentres, grounds and resets.
Learn about the breath and how it affects you + the world around you. Sometimes — when I stop to properly breathe, I feel connected to the universe again. It’s simple but endlessly interesting.
That’s all I can remember for now. May peace and joy be part of your every day.
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『 Random acts of kindness | Haikyuu!! Headcanons 』
The everyday acts of kindness our boys do and think nothing of, but are actually incredibly sweet.
Characters: Sawamura Daichi, Kuroo Tetsurou, Ushijima Wakatoshi, Iwaizumi Hajime, Sugawara Koushi, Bokuto Koutarou, Azumane Asahi, Oikawa Tooru, Akaashi Keiji, Nishinoya Yuu, Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Kozume Kenma, Miya Astumu, Miya Osamu, Sakusa Kiyoomi, Hinata Shouyou, Kageyama Tobio, Tsukishima Kei, Yamaguchi Tadashi, Haiba Lev
Tags/warnings: Haikyuu!! (anime), no warnings, fluff, lots of characters I didn't realise how many I'd done until I came to type up the list 😳, a lot of cats and dogs, cuteness, headcanons
A/N: I've had an exhausting and busy week, and just felt like writing some comforting fluff. Thanks for reading! Please enjoy! ♡
And please consider voting in this poll (ends this Sunday 18/10/20) to help me celebrate reaching 100 followers! Thank you to everyone who's already voted! ♡
☆ Sawamura Daichi ☆
Helps lost people find their way and regularly gives directions
We're talking off-duty, here Daichi puts the 'hot' in 'Hot Fuzz' 🥵
Hahaha, fuck 🙃
He's very approachable and warm, and gives excellent directions
He'll also walk them there if they don't understand or don't feel confident, even if it disrupts his day 🥺
And he's really good at helping lost kids and calming them down he feels so proud when he gets them back to their parents, safe and sound 🤗
×
☆ Kuroo Testurou ☆
Helps elderly people with their shopping bags and getting across roads
It goes against his nature to stand by and let an old person struggle, and even if they're not struggling, he always offers his services anyway
He has a soft spot for old people, 'kay? 🥺
He makes a point of getting the traffic to stop so it's safe, and letting them hold his arm as they slowly make their way across the street
They often tell him that he's 'a very sweet and handsome young man,' and 'nothing like the other young people you meet these days' and he blushes
×
☆ Ushijima Wakatoshi ☆
Gets things from the top shelves for people that they can't reach at the supermarket
It's a pretty normal thing to do, right? So he's chill about it
Except he will 100% walk down the entire length of the isle just to help if he sees you stuggling it's super cute 😩😍
But he won't smile or make idle conversation, or anything. He'll just nod courteously
It can be a little ominous, with his looming height and serious face, but most people take the gesture well 😊
×
☆ Iwaizumi Hajime ☆
Pays for the shopping of the person in front of him when their card gets declined or they don't have the right cash
He manages to offer in a way that isn't offensive or patronising he's honestly a life saver 🥺
He's very humble and casual about it
It's what he hopes someone would do for him, if he were in that awkward situation
And you never know what struggles people are facing, so his philosophy is to always be kind what goes around, comes around, my dudes 😌✌
×
☆ Sugawara Koushi ☆
Leaves snacks and a cute thank you note on the porch for the mailman
Or mailwoman! Or mailperson!
He hopes that the little gesture will brighten their tough day of work so precious, I can't 🥺🥰
There's usually a good selection, too no skimping here, no sirree 😌
If he's home, he'll give them a cheery wave through the window as well
Especially in this COVID-19 environment. Suga would really appreciate the services they're providing
×
☆ Bokuto Koutarou ☆
Spends time every week playing with the cats and dogs at the local shelters
This man is hoenstly a blessing, I physically can't 🤧
He loves seeing their little faces light up when he walks in, scruffling their ears and playing fetch, etc. and just generally showing them that they're still loved 🥺😭
And he helps take the dogs for walks too, so they get their exercise, and brushes them down, and rubs their tummies–
He wants to adopt, but he's not settled enough, so he knows he can't 😭 but it's his goal
One day 😖
×
☆ Azumane Asahi ☆
Always holds doors open for other people
We're not just talking the occasional, feebly held door
Asahi will ALWAYS hold a door open for anyone else
Men, women, children, old people, people with prams, whole families– literally everyone
He is TALL and STRONG, and he will be USEFUL
He will hold it open even if you're really far away, like the giant dork that he is 😂😂 you cannot escape
×
☆ Oikawa Tooru ☆
Often pays for the next customer's coffee in advance
Sure, it makes him feel good about himself. But, I mean, why not? What's so wrong with that?
Oikawa calls it SAOK-ing people (pronounced 'soaking') meaning: Secret Acts of Kindness Iwa-chan has told him to change the name, but he won't 🙄
Oikawa would love the touching joy of a stranger paying for his coffee in advance, so he gets a warm, tingly feeling when he thinks about it happening to someone else because if him he's literally beaming for the rest of the day 🥰
☆ Akaashi Keiji ☆
Buys food and drinks for homeless people when he passes them
He sometimes stops to have a chat with them, too 😔🤧
He's the least condescending person you could meet if you're in trouble he's so genuine, I can't
Except for maybe Iwa-chan and Daichi. They're also very down-to-earth
He'll also give them all his food vouchers that he's been collecting in his wallet to help spread their costs
Akaashi finds it hard to watch other people struggling and suffering, and so always makes the time for it when he can afford to
×
☆ Nishinoya Yuu ☆
Helps make up the numbers for the kids playing games in the park
Be it soccer, dodgeball, basketball, volleyball, tag, or something else entirely, Noya loves to see the kids running around in the park, playing games and enjoying themselves
So he's only too happy to join in when they need more players he'll sometimes recruit Tanaka to help as well
Yuu fits right in with them, both in height and mentality 😂😭😂😭
He may or may not get them to call him 'senpai' 🙄😂
×
☆ Tanaka Ryuunosuke ☆
Helps fix people's cars on the road
Tanaka's one of those people that knows how to change a flat, and so can't drive past someone having car trouble without stopping and helping
He's also a pretty good handy-man in general, and is always willing to help out his friends and neighbours with their jobs that need doing
Like plumbing problems, putting up shelves, building furniture, etc. He's good with his hands!
Kiyoko: 👁👄👁
And he'll never charge a penny! He's all too happy to do it out of friendship and the kindness of his heart 😇
×
☆ Kozume Kenma ☆
Hosts gaming charity livestreams for various causes on a regualr basis
All the donations go directly to the charity of choice for the stream, not through him, so everyone knows it's legit 😇
He also donates gaming consoles etc. to charities and organisations that help kids who are in hospital
He's a huge advocate for charities and organisations that focus on helping people through gaming, like AbleGamers and St Jude PLAY LIVE, and regularly donates to them
Honestly, Kenma is an angel 🥺 👉👈
×
☆ Miya Atsumu ☆
Gives up his seat on public transport for old/pregnant/disabled etc. people
Look, Tsumu can be a little selfish and grouchy at times, but he's not a complete asshole 👉👈
There's a line, and hogging seats on public transport when someone else clearly needs it more than him is, indeed, the line 😌
He'll do it without a second thought or a fuss, and with a smile on his face but will be low-key proud of himself, ngl
He will also get offended if someone else doesn't give up their seat when they should, and may confront them about it 😳 like, what makes you so special that you can't do that simple courtesy that even he does??
×
☆ Miya Osamu ☆
Donates food to charities and shelters
Both store-bought food and from his own shop
Literally gets so depressed at the thought of people not getting to eat 🥺
This man LOVES FOOD. And people are out there not able to?!
He also has a scheme set up where homeless and stuggling people can come into his shop for some free onigiri
This man 🥺🤧 can I please marry him already?!
×
☆ Sakusa Kiyoomi ☆
Donates sanitary supplies like soap, toothpaste, antibacterial gel, pads, tampons, etc. to shelters on a regualr basis
Literally cannot abide the idea that people are forced to live without these basic necessities, simply because they can't afford them
It's almost for his own peace of mind rather than theirs? 😅😂 almost. He does actually care on their behalf, too
But he doesn't like to make a big deal out of it, and so donates anonymously
His donations are literally a godsend to those people, though 🥺😭
☆ Hinata Shouyou ☆
Reads books to kids at the library when he's there with Natsu
And he's really good at it! He reads very animatedly, and really gets the kids engaged with the stories you can just imagine it
The kids all love him and bring him their favourite books to read!
And the parents all watch and compliment him on how good he is with kids
And this goofball just blushes and grins like a doof 😚 so freaking sweet
×
☆ Kageyama Tobio ☆
Always carries a spare umbrella with him to give to someone
He hates getting caught in the rain himself, so he keeps a spare just in case this precious baby 🥺
He's had to use it quite a few times, sometimes giving it to people he doesn't even know, so he ends up not getting it back and has to buy a new spare
But it makes him smile, if a bit awkwardly, to know that he's helped someone out, even just a little Tobio!! 😭🤧🥺
×
☆ Tsukishima Kei ☆
Steps into the road to allow room for people with pushchairs and prams
I know it might not seem like much, but this is Tsukki, guys 🙄
*Narrator voice* this is one small step for man, one giant leap for Tsukishima!
And this just goes to show that he's not as tough of a cookie as he looks
He doesn't like the idea of parents etc. and young children having to walk in the road he gets worried for them...🤭
And he does it consciously, which is important
×
☆ Yamaguchi Tadashi ☆
Spends time each week looking for the animals on the 'lost' and 'missing' posters around town
He hates to think of them out there, cold, alone, frightened–
It makes him feel nauseous just thinking about it 😣
My poor, precious baby!! He's too pure for this world!! 😭
It's not often, but sometimes he actually manages to find one and bring it back to its owner safely, which is a huge boost for his mood and confidence
He feels so valued and appreciated, and just happy that the little guy is SAFE 😇🤧
×
☆ Haiba Lev ☆
Helps strangers get their cats out of trees and other high places
What else is a tall, handsome, goofball-of-a stranger to do? 😌
Legit, he doesn't think twice. Tall people should use their height to help people, shouldn't they?
Sure, it doesn't always go to plan, and his arms sometimes end up looking like well-used scratching poles, but he's just glad to help 😇
It's good to see the cats safe and with their owners
♡°☆•♡°☆•♡
If you enjoyed, please consider voting in this poll (ends this Sunday 18/10/20) to help me celebrate reaching 100 followers! Thank you to everyone who's already voted!
© imo-chan-imagines 2020
#imo chan imagines#haikyuu!!#hq!#headcanons#haikyuu headcanons#fluff#haikyuu fluff#sawamura daichi#kuroo testurou#ushijima wakatoshi#iwaizumi hajime#sugawara koushi#bokuto koutarou#azumane asahi#oikawa tooru#akaashi keiji#nishinoya yuu#tanaka ryuunosuke#kozume kenma#miya atsumu#miya osamu#sakusa kiyoomi#hinata shouyou#kageyama tobio#tsukishima kei#yamaguchi tadashi#haiba lev#haikyuu fluff headcanons#haikyuu cute
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on my shelf: soundtrack to MA year 1 - summer
That was the most stressful semester of my life, which is saying something since it was my 10th uni semester. It was all still online which has its benefits, sure (no commute! sleeping in! not having to get dressed properly!), but even an introvert like me likes to be around people sometimes. It really feels like everyone, including the lecturers, has kind of lost it at this point. That's the only explanation I can find for the unusual amount of work thrown at us. Okay now that that's out of the way, let's get to the ~music~
BTS: "Butter" and "Permission to Dance" (2021)
Summery goodness from BTS following last year's Dynamite that's just fun to listen to, to figure out the pop culture references to, and to cheer on as they make the Hot 100 their playing ground (thanks in big part to very dedicated US/PR Armys). "Butter" features very cool, more minimal verses with an explosive, big chorus. It's filled with calm confidence. Learning the previous English song "Dynamite's" lyrics was pretty difficult, but "Butter" was even harder, even for native speakers, which just makes BTS' efforts all the more impressive. I immediately loved "Permission To Dance" and its very musical-theater, feel-good vibe. It just makes you feel happy! Here I found the rap line's vocal chops especially impressive - I love how BTS is constantly trying out new things in all their music, including the English singles.
ITZY: GUESS WHO (2021)
This EP is a lot like ITZY's usual output in its bold confidence and electronic sound, but it feels more refined and even a bit more experimental this time around. Listening from top to bottom, there's a good flow where the songs don't blend into each other and can stand alone, but don't rub against each other either. My favourite is closer "Tennis (0:0)", their calmest song yet. The instrumentation is more traditional (featuring some acoustic guitars) and very minimal, so the focus is on the group's vocals. The melodies would work in a louder song too, which just makes this stripped back sound stand out even more.
TOMORROW X TOGETHER: The Chaos Chapter: Freeze (2021)
Following on from the album series The Dream Chapter and the summer album minisode 1: Blue Hour, TXT introduced a new chapter, that focuses on the confusing and conflicting feelings of growing up and showcases yet more diversity in their sound. This album features a lot more input musically and lyrically from the members, like Huening Kai produced rock juggernaut "Dear Sputnik", and feels all the more richer for it. In general, the album moves between clear rock ("Dear Sputnik", "0x1=Lovesong"), pop ("No Rules", "Magic"), hip-hop and electronic influences, sometimes also mixing them to create interesting fusions, like on "Freeze". The one thing that stays consistent throughout is the angst, in all its various forms. It doesn't ever go full on overboard emo with it though, making it more palatable. My top 3 songs are "No Rules", "0x1=Lovesong" and "Ice Cream". They recently released a repackaged album including two new songs: "LO$ER=LO♥ER" (emo rock that made me very happy to hear since it's executed so well) and "MOA Diary (Dubaddu Wari Wari)", a super cute fan song.
WENDY: Like Water (2021)
Red Velvet member and vocal powerhouse Wendy released her first solo EP, after having recovered from a serious injury she suffered at the end of 2019. The songs suit her voice perfectly. There's a lot of ballads, but she makes them sound effortless, even in the highest notes, where her voice stays rich and full. She's able to convey the emotions needed sincerely, without being overbearing, a lot of it owed to the lyrical topics centering around themes like being there for each other, instead of very heavy, sad ones. In the musically lighter songs, like "Why Can't You Love Me", she's skilled in her playfulness, with an audible smile. Wendy's love for music and singing is tangible and makes the EP feel very comforting to listen to.
IU: A Flower Bookmark, Pt. 2 (2017)
I'd been wanting to go through IU's older music since her new album Lilac was released this year, and doing so, I got stuck on this EP of reworked covers. I don't know any of the original songs, but if I hadn't known they were covers I would've never guessed it just by listening. IU has a knack for making things distinctly her own - no matter what style or genre she's trying out, she'll fit into it perfectly while still being recognisable. This EP features a range of different styles, from different decades and artists, but it all flows together, like they were always meant to be here. My favourites are "Autumn Morning" (featuring an acapella intro), "Last Night Story" (reminds me a lot of late 80s German rock, like the song "Westerland" by Die Ärzte, but more fun), and the pretty and calming "Everyday With You".
LOONA: [&] (2021)
Loona have become one of my favourite groups, even more so as I've been getting to know their pre-debut solo and sub-unit songs. So I was very happy when they returned this year with all 12 members for the first time since 2019. Lead single "PTT (Paint The Town)" is similar in sentiment (and somewhat in sound too) to their 2020 lead singles with its fierceness. It gives space to welcome Haseul back too, even presenting her as a risen phoenix in the music video. At first I felt like the song "WOW" would've been better as lead single but then I couldn't get "PTT" out of my head for days every time I listened to it, so I had to admit it was the right choice. [&] feels like a mixture between what a lot of fans call "typical Loona" and the direction they went in on previous EP 12:00, especially on city-pop leaning closer "U R". My favourites are the bouncier "WOW" and "Be Honest", as well as "U R".
Some singles I loved:
Ji Jin Seok: "Come With Me" (2021)
-> a chill, K-R&B summer track featuring Ji Jin Seok's beautiful, calm voice
Epik High: "Rain Song" (2021)
-> perfect for rainy days. walks the line between sad and okay perfectly.
JOY: "Hello" (2021)
-> fun, upbeat song (actually a reworked cover!) that showcases Red Velvet member Joy's vocal colour perfectly. the album (also reworked covers) is lovely too, but I didn't listen to the full thing that much.
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August 1
This month, I am hoping to learn on how to focus on myself. I badly need to focus on my review for the upcoming board exam. Also, I’m hoping that this month would be a healing month and a fresh start for myself since I’d been really busy focusing on my family this past few months.
I pray for knowledge and wisdom.
I pray that I’ll be able to discipline myself not to easily be distracted.
I pray for a productive day everyday.
At the end of this month, It’s a new me. All these things are for my better future. So help me God 🙏🏻
August 2
Actually, I don’t know. The month of July was filled with pain. Still, looking at the positive side of this month was that I’m thankful that I’d finally received my two diplomas.
August 3
What love taught me so far was to be brave enough to let go someone you really love and just continue life. It’s been 6 months since we’d broke up, less than month since my grandma, and our dog left. I can say that I’m not that fully recovered yet because I still recall all the heartbreaking days happened. But, I can also say that I’m fine and fearless enough to go on with life.
August 4
My favorite non-work activity I did this past month was to try workout in the morning, read a fictional book in Wattpad, and chill with family like netflix and drinking beer with them.
August 5
I’d read a fictional story from Wattpad entitled “Chasing in the Wilds”. It’s a love story of a CEO and a civil engineer. This story really inspired me to work hard in achieving my goals. How I needed to focus on my review, work for my family and future, and I know someday I’ll find my living fictional character that every girl would dreamed of.
August 6
I feel normal again. Not so sad, not so happy. Just the neutral feeling. I guess the best feeling I had these past few days was to feel motivated on the things I wanted to do or achieved. I feel so bad when I got nothing to do. It’s like everyday should be an improvement day. I guess, I’m already tired of doing nonsense. Maybe, Its time to focus more on myself.
August 7
Actually, I did nothing on this day since I am having a body pain. But, one thing that brought me a sense of joy was that I have this body pain because I really miss playing badminton and that made me happy that I played again despite of this pandemic.
August 8
The best memories I had when I was a child was that I am able to play outside the house with my childhood buddies. No gadgets, just the usual traditional 90’s games.
August 9
The biggest lesson I’ve learned so far from this week is that time is unstoppable, so, why waste time to nothing. Everyday should be a learning process day. Trying to have productive day and rest if I have to.
August 10
I can be present to someone if I am to hear or listen to all their rants/problems in life. I may not be present physically, but virtually I am trying my best to make them feel better.
August 11
I really don’t know actually. But, I think the plot twist happen in my life right now maybe the days I felt so broke. So lately, I am trying to be resourceful on the things that aren’t not going to be used but has value, so, I tried to sell it online. It’s just a temporary income, so, I probably need to save too and discipline myself. But I’m glad I am not that so broke anymore.
August 12
My past self was too busy on school. Less time on my family and close friends. I can tell now that I’m proud of myself because all those sacrifices I did before when I was on college we’re all worth it.
August 13
The grace I am receiving lately I think my extra income in shopee. At least this time I can now save money for my basic needs and be wise on spending for my wants.
August 14
That everything happening right now is just at the right time.
August 15
Lately, me and my sister have planned to have this “beaded accessories” business. So yeah, I enjoyed doing it and makes me forget my worries temporarily.
August 16
Calming and Relaxing. It made me feel like I’m not worrying anything.
August 17
I pushed myself so much today. I haven’t applied to rest for a while. Maybe because I didn’t prioritize all my task this day so I clutched up everything.
August 18
The moment that they pressured me on my review. I am already pressured by myself and the moment they pushes me even more, it’s totally suffocating. The only courageous words that I am holding onto is that everything happening in my life are just at the perfect time. Mistakes and delays are meant to happen. All these problems are preparing me for something good.
August 19
I am still breathing
I have complete and happy family
We are healthy
We have food to eat
Few close friends but the realest ones
Blessed to buy wants and needs
I graduated college
My family / relatives / friends are safe
Comfortable bed to sleep and rest on
God is always with me
August 20
In today’s situation, all the public servants, front-liners especially from hospitals, volunteers, food drivers or any public transportation drivers, and others who continues their businesses just to serve the needs of others. They are the ones who’s helping and sacrificing theirselves to our community. What I have learned from them was to take good care of ourselves and showing our kindness to them because seeing them tired was really heartbreaking.
August 21
When I didn’t hesitate to ask and comfort my auntie (Ate Lita). The moment I saw her crying while fixing her things, I felt how lonely she was in her life. Everything we’re going through right now, I wanted blame the pandemic. Everyone’s suffering from mental health. Yes, it’s safe being at home but It’s also not healthy anymore being stuck in a house.
August 22
Faith in God. Everything that is happening right now, I always trust in him. No matter how slow my progress is, I know everything’s planned.
Discipline. I always feel guilty when I didn’t review or waste my day to nothing. It’s a good thing because I know that I have a responsibility to do at the end of each day. It’s an add up routine for me to discipline myself to at least review per day. Also, it helped me minimize the use of social media accounts, use of phone, or watch netflix.
Strong. I know that I am strong because I am not giving up. Lately, I am being pressured on my review. I panicked and palpitated when I am stress. I cannot think properly. I know that my anxiety starts attacking me. I pray. I pray. I pray. And after that breakdown, the next day, It feels like I’m totally okay again.
Soft-hearted. I’m glad that I am still that kind of person. I don’t have that so much pride. I know that I am still humble and the kind person you still know.
August 23
1. To put God first in anything and everything.
2. To learn how to use your emotions to think.
3. To learn how to rest and treat myself.
4. Everything is just at the right time.
5. I deserved better. Don’t settle for less.
August 24
It’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling. So much question on your head and a lot of insecurities on yourself. But you know what, you’re still growing. There’s so much things planned for you. Everything that you questioned about yourself, they’re all just temporary problems. Take it as a challenge for you to surpass. You still have so much things to be learned and you shouldn’t miss it. Just keep on moving forward because there’s a lot of opportunities ahead for you.
August 25
Trust is something that would take you for years to gain it and just a second of mistakes for you to ruined it. It’s one of my most important value in this world. Once I give you that trust, it means I am safe with you and I have no doubts for you. If you break it, I’ll always doubt in you and hard for you to have it back.
August 26
Yesterday. I’m not in a good mood. My body doesn’t want me to do anything. I feel guilty when I am not doing anything productive. But, its a recharged for me. Maybe, yes, I really need that rest for a while for me to think and relax my mind. Reminding myself to take good care of my mental health as well. Resting for a while is healthy, but too much chill can be unhealthy as well.
August 27
The positive changes that happened to me now would be my self-worth. It’s good to be single again. Less worries and problems. Maybe, God really planned this. He knows that I will carry much more pain when I am still in a relationship. This time, I’ll focus more on my personal problems firsts.
August 28
Recently, I am learning to plan all my tasks to do which truly a helpful for me to be more motivated to finish all my tasks. Also, I am reading an inspirational book before I start reviewing my lectures. It also helped me to be calm and inspired at the same time. It’s a slow progress yet it’s still a progress. Trying to not be so hard myself this time.
August 29
I am dreaming about acing that board exam.
I am dreaming about how my future would be.
I am dreaming about giving back to my parents.
I am dreaming about traveling to my dream places.
I am dreaming about buying all my wants.
I am dreaming about a contented life.
All I am dreaming is about my success. Success for me is something that I’ll overcome someday with all these present-day problems. It’s just all dreams but I know it’s not impossible to happen if I work hard and never give up no matter how life throws me curve.
August 30
Maybe, the new builded relationship with my sister. We are trying to start a small business which was her idea and I just support her. We don’t know how to grow and run a business, so, we have misunderstandings. But, we’re also happy on what we are doing because it’s something that you will not get bored or unproductive in a day. We both love arts, maybe someday, as we grow older, we’ll understand each other ever more.
August 31
I cannot believe that I made it. I am somehow healed on all that July heartbreaks. I can say that I’ve overcame all those previous problems because it’s all different now from all my current worries. I am now worrying about passing the board exam. This is what I wanted to happen, to be more focus on my review. I always have a productive day and I even learned to plan my duties to do at the end of each day.
~~~~~
Lord, Thank You. I know that you guided me. You helped me push myself to do better each day. There are downfalls, yes, but you never failed to be so good in me. It’s just a one month, but it truly helped me mold myself even more. I learned a lot from this month of August. I love you, Lord. Thank You for not leaving me.
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Stay?
Pairing: Mammon x reader (gender neutral)
Fandom: Obey Me
Genre: Fluff? I think?
Word count: 2.4k
Warning (s): Spoilers from chapters 19 ahead!
Note: I haven't been writing for ages and I'm warming up to it. This is literally my first OM fic and ngl I'm pretty nervous to post this. This fic is (heavily) inspired by chapter 19 because it got me sobbing 😔
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Emotions.
He wasn't unfamiliar to them. In fact, he had experienced them all - ranging from the fear of Lucifer's punishments, to the happiness he felt everytime he uses his beloved credit card, which he had named as Goldie. How about love? He wasn't unfamiliar with it either, but Mammon couldn't care less to pursue it. He was happy enough with his own company and his credit card.
All is fine in the life of The Avatar of Greed. Well, that was until you came along.
Words couldn't describe how utterly annoyed he was when Lucifer ordered him to babysit a student from the human world that day. A powerless, weak human who was randomly picked for the exchange program at RAD.. How dare the ravenette ordered THE Mammon, who is known as one of the seven rulers of Devildom, the second strongest demon among his siblings and The Avatar of Greed himself, to care for a pathetic human like you.
As if having to babysit a human exchange student wasn't bad enough, he had to deal with your personality. Everything about your personality clashes with his and both of you were always found headbutting againts each other. It's not that the other brothers were complaining though. Watching the priceless expression Mammon had on his face when you talked back to him was quite entertaining. Your snarky and sarcastic remarks towards him were the icing on the cake.
He remembers the way you glared at him on your first encounter in the assembly hall. That dirty look you gave him was enough to get him on his nerves, but then again, he couldn't really blame you for it. You were still stuck in confusion with the whole exchange program when he literally just barged in and yelled at you.
If he was fire, you would be ice. If he was oil, then you're water. Mammon was infamous for being a loudmouth - the moronic demon who didn't think things twice before acting on it. He was nothing but a troublemaker and the source of entertainment for his other brothers.
You, on the other hand, was a quiet and level headed person who wouldn't want anything to do with an overly outgoing demon like him. You had always held a calm and collective composure around the others and would prefer burying yourself with books rather than being an accomplice of Mammon's stupid schemes.
Judging from the fact that the two of you were the complete opposites of each other, there was no way you could get along - let alone fall in love with each other. Or at least that was what Mammon had thought of everyday, especially after making a pact with you.
Why would he like you anyway? You're just a weak human with no powers whatsoever. He's far more superior to be compared to you. As if that wasn't enough to convince himself that you're not someone that he would have a crush on, you're too uptight and boring. Hell, you even reminded him of Lucifer sometimes.
There's no way he would like you. Not even in the slightest.
However, if that was really the case, why does his face gets warm everytime he sees your genuine smile? Why does he feel uneasy whenever any of his brothers gets too close to you? Why was he so caught up with the way your eyes sparkled when you were looking at the stars from the planetarium?
The adorable, stern look on your face when you were trying to focus on something? That was something that he would want to remember for the rest of his life without him even willing to admit it.
Mammon couldn't shake off the memory of how worried he was when you were almost killed by Leviathan after that small TSL pop quiz competition. When he was tending to your injured wrist, he tried to be as gentle as he could. Even though he wasn't good enough with bandages, he tried his best to handle your injury.
There was also another time when you were almost killed by Lucifer for trying to protect Beelzebub and Luke. The second when you passed out, Mammon was more than worried for you. He stood by your side as your unconscious figure was safely tucked into Beel's bed, waiting for you to wake up. His heart was racing too fast out of worry but of course he wouldn't admit that.
He got too worried to the point where he had to step out and head off to somewhere else just to take a breather and calm himself down. Little did he know, the second he stepped out was the time when you finally woke up with an unexpected question to leave your lips; "Where's Mammon?"
Despite how different the two of you were, both of you do work well with each other. You would always be the one who would try to keep or help him out of trouble, while he would pull you out from your shell to join his troublemaking schemes - like that one time when he forced you to eat Beel's custard, only resulting with the kitchen getting destroyed. The crazy thing is? You didn't even refuse to join him that night, despite knowing damn well that you'll get yourself into trouble for eating the custard.
There was another time when you found him hanging from his side as a punishment from Lucifer. He was left alone and crying, causing a strong pang of worry and sympathy to strike in your chest. Your heart almost broke at how miserable he looked at that moment, which then led you to your next crazy thing; releasing him by yourself.
You knew that Lucifer would be really mad at you if you're caught releasing Mammon but you couldn't care less at that point. You hated the way Mammon was left to suffer on his own when everyone else was resting in the comfort of their bed. You would feel guilty if you did nothing to save him from his punishment this time.
Maybe both you and Mammon have grown attached to each other without even actually realizing it. Neither two of you would outrightly admit this, but being around each other gave the sense of joy and comfort. After all, you were the only one who didn't bully him as much as his brothers would, despite having constant arguments. Mammon felt more appreciated when he's around you and he likes that.
"Let's go this way!" You exclaimed as soon as Mammon told you to run away with him from Leviathan. You were walking at the hallways when the demon had stopped you and told you to hang out with him earlier. That was until the third brother interrupted your little moment with Mammon. As usual, he was in trouble with Levi for not paying back the money he borrowed. Typical Mammon, you thought.
Despite the situation both of you were currently in, Mammon couldn't help but to notice the wide grin on your face as you began picking up your pace to run from his third brother. The almost playful tone in your voice as you lead him towards the other direction to escape from Levi doesn't go unnoticed as well. You were definitely different from the way you used to be when you first got here.
Your attempt in escaping Leviathan has brought the two of you to hiding in Mammon's car trunk that was kept in his bedroom. Why was it there? You had no idea, but at least it was a good hiding place. It was a little cramped in there, yes, but now that you think of it, that was one of the last chances for the two of you to be physically really close with each other.
It was your last week at Devildom and the thought of leaving ripped your heart into million pieces. Of course the demon brothers could easily visit you at the human world whenever they wish, but would it feel the same?
The distance between you and Mammon will drastically increase once you leave Devildom. Would the distance affect what you had with him? Will the both of you eventually drift away as a result of not being around each other much anymore when time passes?
"Damn he almost caught us. We're still not safe yet. Levi's a persistent bastard and if we stay here, he'll find us. How about we head outside." Mammon said as soon as the two of you climbed out of his car trunk, shaking you off from the trail of questions in your head. Before you even know it, he was already leading you out from his room to hide from the otaku.
Standing at the balcony of RAD, both you and Mammon were exhausted from all the running. The demon was wheezing and panted before proceeding to speak. "Alright, we should be far enough away that we're safe now.." There was a wash of relief through his senses as he straightened up to regain his composure. You, on the other hand, were already distracted by the beautiful view from the balcony.
The sky of The Devildom was never bright, resembling the night sky of the human world. Stars were sparkling magneficently, illuminating the almost tenebrous view. Colourful lights from the other buildings completed the scenery, making everything look more gorgeous than it already was.
You returned your attention towards Mammon as soon as he started laughing, before joining in as well. Who would've thought that running away together like this was fun? While you were laughing, the silver haired demon slowly stopped his laughter to silently admire the cheery look on your face. You looked so happy, with light blush covering your cheeks - oblivious of the way he was currently looking at you.
Damn he was smitten, and this time, he wasn't even trying to deny himself.
"Hey, Levi was totally watchin' from up on the second floor as we ran outta the house. Man, did you see the look he had on his face?" He said before laughing again. You were already dying of laughter at this moment.
"That was hilarious!" You exclaimed, pausing to wipe off a stray tear from your right eye for laughing too hard. It took some time for the laughter to reduce and once both of you were no longer laughing, Mammon looked at you.
Your eyes came in contact with each other and there was something in his eyes this time, that had caught you slightly off guard. His gaze on you has softened, as well as the smile that he had on his face. You weren't sure if Mammon even noticed himself doing it, considering how much of a 'tsundere' the demon could be most of the times.
"Y'know what? I've gotta say, I really have a lot of fun when I'm with you. When we're together, it's like I'm always smilin', always laughin'." You stood there as you listened, your heart pounding in your chest. You couldn't hold back the smile that was threatening to show up on your now slightly reddened face.
His words pulled out an unusual feeling from the depths of your heart and it wasn't unpleasant at all. It was a feeling that you had never noticed it being there before. It almost felt like your heart was doing acrobatics and you couldn't even stop it.
"Listen, why doncha just stay here from now on? Who needs the human world? Don't go back there." Oh how you wish you could stay here in The Devildom, with Mammon by your side. If only it was possible, you wouldn't even hesitate to stay. The look on your face turned apologetic, your smile slightly transitioned into a sad one.
He saw the way your face changed and wasn't hesitant to continue his words. "I want you right here in The Devildom. I want you here with ME, all the time." You noticed how his voice softened at the end of his sentence. He wanted you and you could barely process the fact that he was actually saying this to you.
THE Mammon who prides himself as The Avatar of Greed, the one who hated you so much when you first got here, is telling you that he wanted you to stay and be with him all the time?
You knew that you were awfully silent than usual at the moment but honestly, was there even anything left for you to say? Your tongue was tied as your mind scrabbles for any reasonable response for him. Was it even possible to come up with anything at this point?
While you were trying to think of a response, Mammon leaned in closer towards your direction. Your eyes slightly widened at his sudden action, especially after seeing the unusually serious look on his face. His face was only a few inches away from yours and you would be lying to say that you weren't struggling to hold yourself together.
Maybe all this time, just like him, the only thing you had ever done was just denying your feelings towards the demon. You lied to yourself - telling yourself that you don't want him, when you actually do. Hell, you wanted Mammon more than anything right now. Your gaze flickered over his soft lips, the temptation to kiss him was growing stronger and stronger as time passes by.
Risking it all, you finally made a move on him and closed the distance between the two of you. Your kiss was short yet sweet, while at the same time you were anxious for the outcome of your action. Would Mammon hate you for kissing him? Will things change for the worse after this kiss? Have you done a big mistake?
The silver haired demon was caught completely off guard with the kiss, his eyes widening while his tan cheeks hinted a shade of red. He looked at you with disbelief, his mind trying to process what just happened. It took him a couple of good seconds to finally give you a response.
"What're you thinking', doin' that outta nowhere.. Though, uh, on second thought, I'm gonna need you to do that again. Once isn't NEARLY enough!"
Your lips stretched into a wider smile as soon as you heard his response, with him gently wrapping his arms around your waist to bring you closer. "Come here.." His soft voice melted your heart, as you brought your arms to hang loosely around his neck. With your forehead resting againts his, your lips were almost touching when Leviathan's voice interrupted the scene.
"Found you!"
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Wintering by Katherine May
“Wintering is a season in the cold. It is a fallow period in life when you’re cut off from the world, feeling rejected, sidelined, blocked from progress, or cast into the role of an outsider. Perhaps it results from an illness; perhaps from a life event such as a bereavement or the birth of a child; perhaps it comes from a humiliation or failure. Perhaps you’re in a period of transition, and have temporarily fallen between two worlds. Some winterings creep upon us more slowly, accompanying the protracted death of a relationship, the gradual ratcheting up of caring responsibilities as our parents age, the drip-drip-drip of lost confidence. Some are appallingly sudden, like discovering one day that your skills are considered obsolete, the company you worked for has gone bankrupt, or your partner is in love with someone new. However it arrives, wintering is usually involuntary, lonely, and deeply painful.
Yet it is also inevitable. We like to imagine that it’s possible for life to be one eternal summer, and that we have uniquely failed to achieve that for ourselves.”
“Plants and animals don’t fight the winter; they don’t pretend it’s not happening and attempt to carry on living the same lives that they lived in the summer. They prepare. They adapt. They perform extraordinary acts of metamorphosis to get them through. Winter is a time of withdrawing from the world, maximizing scant resources, carrying out acts of brutal efficiency and vanishing from sight; but that’s where the transformation occurs. Winter is not the death of the life cycle, but its crucible.
Once we stop wishing it were summer, winter can be a glorious season when the world takes on a sparse beauty, and even the pavements sparkle. It’s a time for reflection and recuperation, for slow replenishment, for putting your house in order.”
“That’s what humans do: we make and remake our stories, abandoning the ones that no longer fit and trying on new ones for size.”
“In the changing room later, I experience a different kind of warmth: the nakedness of a dozen women, all unashamed. These aren’t the posing bodies you find on the beach, dieted beyond al joy to be bikini-ready, and tanned as an act of disguise. These are northern bodies, slack-bottomed and dimpling, with unruly pubic hair and the scars of hysterectomies, chattering companionably in a language I don’t understand. They are a glimpse of life yet to come: a message of survival, passed on through the generations. It’s a message I rarely find in my buttoned-up home country, and I think about the times I’ve suffered silent furies at the treacheries of my own body, imagining them to be unique.”
“Ghost stories may be a part of the terror of Halloween, but our love of ghost stories betrays a far more fragile desire: that we do not fade so easily from this life.”
“Winter has decorated ordinary life. Some days, everything sparkles.”
“You realize that no one is what they look like, on the surface. Everybody has their dose of suffering; it’s just more hidden in some than in others.”
“I think about this a lot, she says, the needle breaks the fabric in order to repair it. You can’t have one without the other.”
“In the absence of sunlight, it would be too costly to maintain the machinery of growth.”
“I’m fairly certain that my decision not to have a second child rests squarely on my worship of sleep.”
“I have nothing to show for my forty-odd years on this earth, except for a pile of dusty books.”
“4am. The ego flares like a struck match: bright, blue, fleeting. I am thankful to be alone when this happens, to let it burn out in private. We should sometimes be grateful for the solitudes of night, of a winter. They save us from displaying our worse selves to the waking world.”
“Certainty is a dead space in which there’s no more room to grow. Wavering is painful. I’m glad to be travelling between the two.”
“Sometimes writing is a race against your own mind, as your hand labours to keep up with the flood tide of your thoughts, and I feel that most acutely at night, when there are no competing demands on my attention. That slightly sleepy, dazed state erods the barriers of my waking brain.”
“I can confess all my sins to a piece of paper, with no one to censor it.”
“Our personal winters are so often accompanies by insomnia, but perhaps we are still drawn towards that unique space of intimacy and contemplation, darkness, and silence, without really knowing what we’re seeking. Perhaps, after all, we are being urged towards our own comfort.”
“Lucy is a symbol of absolute faith and utter purity, but the sins for which she suffers are not her own. Instead, she shoulders the weight of the male gaze, and is destroyed by it.”
“Some winters creep up on us so slowly that they have infiltrated every part of our lives before we truly feel them.”
“We felt broken into pieces, but at the same time, never so loved.”
“We changed our focus away from pushing through with normal life, and towards making a new one. When everything is broken, everything is also up for grabs. That’s the gift of winter: it’s irresistible. Change will happen in its wake, whether we like it or not. We can come out of it wearing a different coat.”
“I could have stood there and cried on the spot, just knowing that I wasn’t alone.”
“I felt accepted in a way that I hand’t for months.”
“This isn’t just an unkind attitude, it does us harm, because it stops us from learning that disaster happens, and how to adapt when it does. It stops us from reaching out to people who are suffering. And, when our own disaster comes, it forces us into a humiliated retreat, as we try to hunt down mistakes that we never made in the first place.”
“I simply had no defence against the changes that were happening in my life.”
“Life never does quite offer us those simply happy endings. I often that that it’s all part of my own craving: the moral clarity of cause and effect, reward and punishment for my actions. A map for living that renders everything explicable.”
“All her desires were for elemental things: love, a little comfort, the society of interesting people. Everyday life is so often isolated, dreary, and lonely. A little craving is understandable. A little craving might actually be the rallying cry for survival.”
“I love the inconvenience [of snow] the same way that I can sneakingly love a bad cold: the irresistible disruption to mundane life, forcing you to stop for a while and step outside of your normal habits.”
“In autumn, the male drones are sacrificed because they’re no longer of any use, and would otherwise just be hungry mounts to feed.”
“Our lives take different shapes: we do not work in a linear progression through fixed roles like the honeybee. We are not consistently useful to the world at large. We talk about the complexity of the hive, but human societies are infinitely more complex, full of choices and mistakes, periods of glory and seasons of utter despair. Some of us make highly visible, elaborate contributions to the whole; some of us are just part of the ticking mechanics of the world, the incremental wealth of small gestures. All of it matters. All of it weaves the wider fabric that binds us.”
“We may sometimes drift through years in which we feel like a negative presence in the world, but we come back again, not only restored, but bringing more than we brought before: more wisdom, more compassion, a greater capacity to reach deep into our roots and know that we will find water.”
“Usefulness, in itself, is a useless concept when it comes to humans. I don’t think we were ever meant to think about others in terms of their use to us.”
“We flourish on caring, on doling out love.”
“Winter is a time for the quiet arts of making: for knitting and sewing, baking and simmering, repairing and restoring our homes.”
“We sing because it fills our lungs with nourishing air, and lets our heart soar with the notes we let out. We sing because it allows us to speak of love and loss, delight and desire, all encoded in lyrics that let us pretend that those feelings are not quite ours.”
“As I walk, I remind myself ot the words of Alan Watts: ‘To hold your breath is to lose your breath.’ In The Wisdom of Insecurity, Watts makes a case that always convinces me, but which I always seem to forget: that life is, by nature, uncontrollable. That we should stop trying to finalize our comfort and security somehow, and instead find a radical acceptance of the endless, unpredictable change that is the very essence of this life. Our suffering, he says, comes from the fight we put up against this fundamental truth: ‘Running away from fear is fear, fighting pain is pain, trying to be brave is being scared. If the mind is in pain, the mind is in pain. The thinker has no other form than his thought. There is no escape.”
“The future, to which we devote so much of our brainpower, is an unstable element, entirely unknowable.”
“When we endlessly ruminate in these distant times, we miss extraordinary things in the present moment. They are, in actual fact, all we have: the here and now; the direct perception of our senses.”
“I’m beginning to think that unhappiness is one of the simple things in life: a pure, basic emotion to be respected, if not savoured. I would never dream of suggesting that we should wallow in misery, or shrink from doing everything we can to alleviate it; but I do think it’s instructive. After all, unhappiness has a function: it tells us that something is going wrong. If we don’t allow ourselves the fundamental honesty of our own sadness, then we miss an important cue to adapt. We seem to be living in an age when we’re bombarded with entreaties to be happy, but we’re suffering from an avalanche of depression; we’re urged to stop sweating the small stuff, and yet we’re chronically anxious. I often wonder if these are just normal feelings that become monstrous when they’re denied. A great deal of life will always suck. There will be moments when we’re riding high, and moments when we can’t bear to get out of bed. Both are normal. Both, in fact, require a little perspective.”
“We need friends who wince along with our pain, who tolerate our gloom, and who allow us to be weak for a while when we’re finding our feet again. We need people who acknowledge that we can’t always hang on in there; that sometimes, everything breaks.”
“I recognized winter. I saw it coming (a mile off, since you ask), and I looked it in the eye,. I greeted it, and let it in. I had some tricks up my sleeve, you see. I’ve learned them the hard way. When I started feeling the drag of winter, I began to treat myself like a favoured child: with kindness and love. I assumed my needs were reasonable, and that my feelings were signals of something important.”
“We tend to imagine that our lives are linear, but they are in fact cyclical. I would not, or course, seek to deny that we grow gradually older, but while doing so, we pass through phases of good health and ill, of optimism and deep doubt, of freedom and constraint.”
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all of the self insert development questions for your harry potter s/i >:3
AWWW THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH MAGNUS!! i’M PROBABLY LATE BUT YESS!! I’M EXCITED :DD
1. Does your insert have a name that’s different from yours? Does the name reflect their character in any way, or is it just because it sounds nice? How did you come up with it?
Nope! I mostly just stick with my own name just cause I like it to feel more like me in world :)
2. Does your insert have a very strong relationship with a f/o, maybe more than one? Tell us a little about the dynamic they have! This can be a bond that’s romantic, familial, or platonic, anything - even an enemy would count as a strong relationship!
~So, Hagrid and I have a very strong friendship before the whole dating thing! :DD I met well he was caring for a mythical creature and we bonded quickly just talking by it tbh :))
~McGonagall and I are best friends! we bond pretty quickly once the school year kicks off! As I’m a newer hire to the school, I’m still getting used to how everything works(I end up going via Hagrid’s recommendation!) and she actually helps me in between classes if I have any questions. We both care strongly for the lives of our students and are annoyed by the ones that are disruptive. So yeah, we also are fast friends :)
~I have a great deal of respect for Dumbledore despite his uhhh, “method” of teaching sometimes being straight up dangerous to others. Sometimes it’s even begrudging respect! I love the way he run things but I wish he’d put the students in less danger >:/ Still, I know I can feel safe to talk to him whenever I may need.
3. Who in their canon are they closest to? Who would they drop everything to come help, if anyone? Who’s the person they’re least close to? Who would they most likely not get along with, if anyone?
~I’m definately closest to Hagrid and McGonagall. I’d drop everything if even one of them was in danger.
~I mean, the only people I don’t really like ar the ones serving Voldemort....and Gilderoy =-=
4. Does your insert have a backstory? Tell us about it! How does their backstory, if any, define who they are? How does it reflect their relationships now? Their hopes and dreams?
~My backstory is very basic: I’m just another wizard in the world. Timid, unsure of what I wanna do with my life, and lowkey craving adventure.(boi does life deliver on that one fkhjhsjg) One day while walking through many of the forests in the Wiarding Worl, I meet a half giant. We become friends very quick and he shows me around his home as well as educates me on mythical creatures. I find out that he actually works at the most well reknown school in all of the magical world and they have a slot open! I’m anxious at first but decide(after much coaxing and the reminder that he’ll be there if I need him) to give it a shot. I end up making the cut and officially and becoming an assist teacher! I go around as many classes as I can and help out :33
~The only way my relationships are affected is by becoming closer and making new ones really.
~After having no big dreams, my dream becomes to learn how to help as many students as I can to reach their potential and to feel good about themselves! I always to preach to them about good mental health, remind them to drink often, and be aware when teachers and students aren’t feeling well. I offer to take their place if it’s a magic I know well enough.
5. Does your insert have any magical talents or otherwise special abilities? Are they passive, like the ability to befriend animals, or dangerous power that the villains want? Or if theyre evil - any powers the heroes want to stop?
I mean, as a wizard, I’ve got plenty! i try to have a decent array of everyday use kind of spells, lots of healing focu spells, and self-defense based ones. (I learn more offensive stuff at the school)So yeah, pretty passive.
6. Do they fight? What’s their weapon of choice? Do they stay on the sidelines? What would it take for them to get off the sidelines? Revenge? Saving a loved one? What’s the motivation for them to fight, or to stay OUT of a fight?
I really prefer to not use violence/engage in confrontation and will avoid it by sticking to the sidelines and only intervening when the students fight. If it were to be two professors, I’d probably stay out of it... ^-^’ the big thong that would push me out and/or through my fear would be if someone I cared about was stepping up to the plate/in danger. I can’t let others get hurt!
7. What kind of clothing style do they like? What would they never be caught dead wearing? What’s likely in their closet right now?
~I like a variety of aesethics but my insert ends up sticking to more formal attire sense it’s a school.
~I don’t really like wearing things that show a lot of skin so that really.
~Looots of formal attire, a few dresses, protective gear, enchanted clothes, and very casual clothing.
8. How do they fit into their canon world? What’s their role to play, if any? Do they have a big destiny? Or do they more live as a side character that’s helpful for the protagonists/antagonists?
I’m mostly a side character that has her own personal arc about feeling good enough in that place and stepping up against my personal fears to help others.
9. Their favorite foods? Colors? Activities? What do they enjoy in life? How do they express their joy for things they like?
~Magic foods are freaking weird so I stick with the most looking stuff XDD
~Red and Pink are still favorite colors, hang out with the other teachers, patrol campus, learn about mythical creatures, take day trips to the shopping districts, read the newspapers, and hang out with my friends :33
~She expresses joy by sharing with others, stimming via movement, and just being all excited when talking about it :33
10. Their least favorites? What don’t they enjoy in life? How do they deal with being presented with things they don’t like?
~just don’t like the usual stuff, anger, confrontation, jerks, being forced into things you know, the usual.
~I just have a fear reaction to most things so I try to avoid it and/or deescalate things.
11. How easy is it to make your insert angry? Sad? How easy is it to twist their emotions into negative things? By contrast, how easy are they to cheer up? What can brighten a bad day?
~As a sufferer of fear and depression, being sad comes easily. Anger is an emotion reserved for very few evil acts. I’ve learned to cope a bit better at that point so I don’t immediately fall into sadness but a few more pushes or crazy things happening would overwhelm me fast.
~I’m a bit hard to cheer up if I’m suffering a depressive episode but way easier if I just feel bad. Distraction works perfectly fine in that situation. I really just need downtime and my friends faces.
12. Is your insert a loner, or do they prefer crowds? Do they warm up easily, or do they tend to take longer to befriend others? What kinda people do they get along with? Who are they likely to be uncomfortable with?
~I’m pretty sociably flexible as long as there aren’t large crowds. (Though I don’t like meeting groups of new people cause it makes me anxious) I find it easy to befriend others since I treat others like my friends from the start. I can be nice to anyone, ya know? It mostly depends on my energy level that day tbh.
~I’m only really uncomfortable with angry people, people that boost their own ego at the cost of others, people that commit horridly evil acts, and people that are super narrow-minded about things.
13. What are your insert’s goals? Their hopes and dreams for the past/future/present! Do they intend to achieve no matter what? Could anything stop them, big or small?
Nothing big, just exsist happily and not suffer through their terrible mental struggles all the time. Later on though, she decides she wants to help and protect everyone to the best of her ability; no matter the situation. She is very easily pushed into doing things unless it’s for others so uhh, once all the bad stuff happens, the situation and fear for her students and peers pushes her into action.
14. Does your insert have any family relations? How do they get along? How do they disagree? Is it a biological family? Adopted? Or is it found family? How did this family come together, if it was one of the last two?
Not really, no? Well, idk yet. Kinda questioning if McGonagall could be an older sister.
15. Does your insert have any enemies? What’s that dynamic like? Why are they enemies? Did they ever get along in the past? Is patching up differences out of the question for the future?
I mean, the only people she has anything against are people that try to hurt the ones she loves and well, that’s self-explanatory on its own.
16. Free question space! Ask whatever you want to know!
No one asked but Luna Lovegood is underrated as hell and the movies did her dirty!!
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Dropping In:
Presented by Ean Wood
A new series showcasing how outward adventures draw us inward. Follow along as Zeal ambassador Ean Wood connects with fellow ambassadors to hear perspectives on how outdoor passions connect them deeply with themself. Focusing on mental resilience, emotional awareness, present moment connection, and a plethora of practices that support these athletes in facing the extreme elements. ‘Dropping In’ is for those that learn more about themself through being outside.
Several years ago I reached out to Zeal Optics with the hopes of becoming an ambassador. While snowboarding, I wanted to create less impact on the environment and Zeal was on the leading edge of eco-consciousness. I had just experienced a huge awakening in my life bringing attention to my daily decisions and the repercussions they have on the world around me. An annual trip to Chile for the Southern Hemisphere winter season led me to meet a human that would change my life forever. His name is Tamo Campos. Tamo is a fellow Zeal ambassador, inspiration, and dear friend of mine. Getting to know him many years ago inspired me to change and grow in so many areas of my life. A chain reaction happened from the information I was absorbing. I switched up all my sponsors for snowboarding, I made the deliberate choice to stop flying around the world to chase snow, and I invested in converting my truck to run on waste vegetable oil. He opened my eyes to the many ways that I was disrupting the symbiosis with this living planet. After awareness blossomed in me I couldn’t help but see potential impact happening everywhere in the world around me.
My connection to nature was strengthening. Every day in the mountains became a ceremony of life. Bringing awareness to every breath as an exchange with the plants and trees, feeling the sun rays warming my skin, and embracing the snow under my feet in a way I had not yet opened to. I no longer wanted to degrade this world I cared so much for.
I became obsessed. I went deep into rabbit holes of knowledge. Learning about waste, fossil fuels, manufacturing, pollution, soil degradation, and many other subjects. I followed Tamo for some time supporting him in his environmental activism. For me becoming aware of the destruction of the natural world was a painful transition. It's heartbreaking to live in a society that places sustainability at the bottom of the scale of importance. I got depressed. I was angry. I lingered in pain over how much guilt I felt. I was feeling the agony of everyday patterns such as pumping fuel in my car and throwing away trash.
My life was ridiculously gifted. I had sponsors, I was getting paid to enjoy my greatest passion, and all the while spending time with amazing people. I was living the life of my dreams.
But the truth was that I was suffering inside. . .
I can’t remember what cued my epiphany. . . It was almost as if it came from nowhere. A thought bubble from infinite space and possibility burst in my brain.
How could I expect people to care about the natural world around them?
They hardly cared about themselves. Consuming toxic chemicals, negative energy, drama, dysfunction, fear, and a plethora of degrading substances. Most of us were not raised in a society that taught us about personal care. At most, some of us received teachings of physical care, maybe a little on nutrition, but mental, emotional, and spiritual care barely get a whisper. Our attention has been drawn out of ourselves. Doing, achieving, acquiring, owning, and external appearance has been the general focus.
A very wobbly foundation to live and create from.
It became clear I was going about it all wrong. I was focused on a topic that was a bi-product, developed from a lack of leadership and wisdom.
Our inner worlds are full of turmoil and dis ease. Too much doing, not enough being. Without awareness, our perspectives are merely reactions accumulated from our life experiences. What is going on inside of us dictates how we feel about what happens around us. Mental health and emotional intelligence is something that affects every moment of every day. Humans commonly overeat, over-consume, medicate, and numb, in an attempt to feel better. As a species so much of our environmental impact comes from our attempts to feel happy and fulfilled. In our current society our ability to be present for life, to respond instead of reacting, to feel gratitude instead of scarcity, rests in the habits created from our upbringing.
Not many of us had perfect parents, exemplary teachers, or wise mentors. So as a community we can come together and share this knowledge built from experience. We are not setting ourselves up for success currently.
If we want to address the environmental issues we have to dig up the roots. Chopping off the tops of weeds will only result in them growing back later.
DROPPING IN is a new series focused on personal growth as a way to make an impact in the world. Zeal will be teaming up with ambassadors to share a variety of perspectives and life experiences.
Taking our attention inward. Diving into self-awareness.
Thoughts. Emotions. Breath. Presence. Needs. Love. Care. Balance. Mindfulness.
What is going on outside of us is a reflection of our inner turmoil. The natural world, the animals, the plants, the swimming creatures, and the birds in the sky all need us to get our act together. In this interconnected world, every little piece we improve in our own life ripples out to everyone we come in contact with.
I am so stoked to announce this journey to you. I also want to invite you to be a contributing force. Let us know what works well for you. Let us know the subjects you have questions on. Where you struggle. What you wish we would talk about. Comment, message us. I personally will be making sure to watch and listen to what is being said by the community.
This is a new journey and we need as many people involved as possible.
With the collective voices of so many, we can come together and increase transformation.
How you feel about your life, the perspectives of joy or misery, your awareness of the environmental impact, all rests on your inner development. No one else can do it for you, but we can walk this path together.
Just like any other adventure, let’s enjoy the journey and reach for those inner summits.
Get ready to DROP IN.
Tune into Zeal’s Instagram Thursday Jan 14th at 1PM MST for a live discussion with Ean Wood and DCP.
#mentalheathawareness#mentalhealthmatters#zealopticsfeatured#mentalhealth#exploremore#adventuretherapy#outdooradventure
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When Will My Life Begin (Fair Game 4/?)
Summary: Tangled AU. Clover Callows has been confined to a tower for all of his life, and given the threat that his Uncle Tyrian says his semblance poses to his safety, he accepts that fate. It’s the only life he’s ever known, after all. But when he’s offered the opportunity to fulfill his greatest dream after a chance encounter with a thief -- or bandit, as Qrow Branwen insists there’s a difference between the two -- both Clover and Qrow will discover joys that they never knew life could offer them before.
AO3
Tumblr: (1) (2) (B1) (3)
A/N: Wahoo!!! I managed to get this done on time!!! I hope you all enjoy!
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Clover considered himself pretty knowledgeable when it came to his body.
It shouldn’t have come as a shock to anyone. After all, he spent an awful long time getting to know it without the hassle of constant distractions and a biology book at his disposal since his eleventh birthday that was now in dire need of glue just to keep itself together.
Much of Clover’s life had been spent exploring his physical limits. Exercise was a key part of that, with much of his day used to stretch, work out, climb, pull, and reel. He’d seen the developing muscles across his limbs act as the payoff of that work.
Injuries were another. A child could only be so safe when left alone in a tower for much of a day, and even with the hindsight gained through maturity, injuries as a result of experimentation with what he could and couldn’t do were inevitable. Even when he wasn’t suffering them, he closely studied Raven’s injuries as well as his uncle’s when he could get a peek of or information about their existences.
But all the same, those experiences, both good and bad were fantastic teachers. The human body -- as well as the body of a bird -- was such an interesting thing to Clover. It was frail, yet durable and nuanced in its structure as muscles, bones, nerves and veins all made their homes in an interconnected mass that combined to create a living, breathing, thinking, feeling being. A million things could hurt a body, but a million things could also save it, and that wasn’t even factoring in the effects of semblances, an effect that in all honesty, he only had the vaguest idea about.
Many an hour was spent by Clover studying his book’s diagrams as well as his own growth, thinking about all the possibilities for how that one bodily structure could go about life in such a world as theirs.
So yes, Clover felt he knew the human body -- mostly his -- quite well.
However, despite all of his knowledge about that body, he had no idea how in the world he could possibly slow down the rapid beating of his heart as he approached his uncle.
Well, that wasn’t true. Clover knew plenty of ways to do so, but that rapid beating in his heart made it all the way over to his ears, deafening them to even the thought of any of those methods.
But he didn’t need to hear those methods -- today, he had no problem with letting his anticipation and excitement over asking what he was about to ask fuel the fire in his heart.
He was going to do it.
Oh Gods, he was really going to do it.
“Clover!”
The second time his Uncle Tyrian said his name was noticeably less patient than the first. Clover would be lying if he said it wasn’t just a bit annoying.
To be fair though, that impatience was very much understandable. Uncle Tyrian only had so much time to spend with Clover in the morning before he had to go to work, and he wanted to make sure each and every possible second of it was spent by Clover’s side. The process of getting him up the tower took long enough as it stood, so any further delays on top of it were just an additional hassle, and Clover absolutely felt the same.
Greeting and helping his uncle into the tower was the high point of Clover’s morning, and had been for ages. It not only provided him with the most activity he’d experience until his uncle’s return at sunset, but it gave him a friendly face on top of it all.
“Hello, uncle!” Clover called down to the bottom of the tower. “Looking good today!”
Despite the gentle wind’s efforts, he could hear the light sound of his uncle’s chuckle.
“I’m surprised you can tell one way or the other from all the way up there!” he said. “Bring me up!”
“Of course! Just another second, please!”
Clover quickly grabbed Kingfisher, aiming the weapon with his eyes. Once he was perfectly in place, he held his weapon above his head and behind his left shoulder, and then swung it downward, just as he’d done hundreds and hundreds of times before.
Just as it did everyday, Clover felt the familiar bit of pressure in the reel as Uncle Tyrian clicked Kingfisher’s hook into its usual spot and heard the ever so faint sound of him stepping onto their mechanism’s stone base.
“I’m ready!” Uncle Tyrian called out to him, and with that, Clover started pulling.
Kingfisher’s reel was strong -- it had lifted him plenty of times -- but lifting a person positioned on the heavy stone his uncle stood on was something Clover knew that reel wouldn’t be able to handle. Because of that, for the sake of keeping the reel’s strength and structure intact, Clover elected to regularly pull his uncle up to the tower by reeling in the line with his own two hands, bit by bit.
It was a good thing he had the foresight to take up wearing leather gloves when he pulled.
Whether the thing being pulled was made of the plant stems or metal, rope burn was a pain no one should have to deal with.
Clover lifted his uncle all the way up the tower to its window. As he exited the stone pulley, Clover gently lowered it down again until he was sure he could let it drop without risking cracking the stone itself.
When the task of resetting the pulley was at last done, Clover turned to greet his company.
“Good morning, Uncle Tyrian!” he called out. As Clover approached, Uncle Tyrian took a gentle hold of his head, giving it a kind pat.
“Clover! My boy,” he said through a dramatic, yet goofy sigh, “how you’ve configured that weapon of yours so you can pull me up each and every day, all on your own, I don’t know how you do it.”
“Oh,” Clover waved off as the hug broke, “it’s nothing.”
Uncle Tyrian smiled, almost too sweetly, as he released his hold on Clover. “Then I don’t know why it took so long,” he said, the slightest hint of a sing-song fashion in his voice as his index poked Clover’s nose to a rhythm his uncle developed. Clover frowned, causing Tyrian to laugh. “Oh, boy. I’m just teasing,” he cooed, right before walking himself further into the room.
Clover forced out a chuckle. His uncle had a tendency to joke around with him, no doubt a means of bringing some extra joy to his small and quite lonely world. It wasn’t that Clover didn’t appreciate it...but his uncle’s jokes had a habit of seldom being as funny as Clover imagined his uncle found them -- not to mention, sometimes, it was hard to tell what was a joke and what wasn’t.
Uncle Tyrian was, in a word, opinionated...very, very opinionated. He had something to say about everything, and what he usually said amounted to pointing out what was wrong with or what could be improved about whatever point of discussion came his way.
Of course, he wasn’t without his compliments -- Uncle Tyrian was by no means a cruel man. He appreciated Clover’s meal preparation and how much easier their pulley system made his morning climb than before. Criticisms were just his uncle’s way of trying to make his and Clover’s world better.
And that was a good thing, Clover supposed. Life in a tower or not, there was something to be said for effort and one’s quality of life. If anything, the fact that his uncle gave him critiques showed trust. It was a trust that Clover could improve, do more than he expected to, despite his limitations.
It was inspiring.
Clover just wished the difference between what was supposed to be inspiring and what was supposed to make him laugh was made just a little bit clearer. But perhaps that was a nuance that was more organically recognized in the world outside of the tower.
Uncle Tyrian probably picked it up.
He never would.
No...he would because he was finally going to ask for the chance to see just a glimpse of that world for himself.
It was finally time.
Clover took a deep breath, and finally enacted his plan.
“Uncle Tyrian,” Clover started, following him to the mirror by his closet. “As you know, tomorrow is-”
“Clover,” he interrupted, taking hold of Clover’s shoulder and pulling him beside him in front of the mirror. “Do you know what I see in that mirror? I see a strong, bright, handsome man.” Clover smiled at the unashamed compliment, and let himself lean more into his uncle’s touch.
“Oh look,” he then continued, “you’re there too.” A fit of laughter took over his uncle.
And there was the punchline…
Clover hoped his love for his uncle was something Uncle Tyrian never questioned, but all the same, his uncle really needed to work on his material.
Though he tried his best not to, Clover couldn’t help but drop the fragile smile that he’d built in the span of those few precious seconds before the proverbial other shoe was dropped.
At the sight of that, Uncle Tyrian playfully ruffled his hair. “Oh Clover, I’m just teasing! You really need to work on that oversensitivity of yours.” Uncle Tyrian then stepped away from the mirror and headed towards the breakfast table. “Now, what have you made for us today, boy?”
Before Clover answered, he took a second’s pause for a deep breath, still recovering from his uncle’s joke.
He told himself to relax, reminded himself that today yielded a far bigger prize to focus on, and repeated a sentiment he’d argue many a time in the past -- if his uncle’s questionable taste in comedy was his biggest failing, then Clover would take it with a smile the size of this very tower itself on his face.
Perhaps his uncle was right about his oversensitivity…
Well, if that was the case, then Clover would just have to show him that he could overcome that, too.
Clover smiled, walking over to Uncle Tyrian’s side of the breakfast table and pulling his uncle’s chair out for him.
“I’m so happy you asked,” he said once his uncle was situated, leaning towards the dish. “For today, I’ve prepared for us fresh bread rolls with cinnamon and brown sugar baked into the dough, an apricot spread, and some lemon tea.”
Tyrian hummed, clearly impressed. “Sounds good. And might I add that someone’s feeling confident,” he said, smiling a bit.
“What can I say?” Clover returned. “When I get to make breakfast for the world’s best uncle, I do it well.” He chuckled as he gave his uncle a pat on the shoulder, right before taking off for his own side of the table. As Clover sat down and spread his jam over his roll, he watched his uncle do the same and take his first bite.
He looked pleased.
That was a good sign.
It was now time to try again.
“So Uncle, I-”
Uncle Tyrian moaned in delight. “These are fantastic,” he said through a full mouth, pointing his free hand at the roll in his hand. “Clover, you are a God in the kitchen.”
“Well, you told me my mother was quite the baker. I felt like I owed it to her to try to do the same.”
“You’re a good boy, Clover -- always doing just what your parents wished you to do.”
Clover felt his smile wane.
Yes, he was a good boy.
Yes, he did always do just what his parents wished him to do.
But yes, he was also going to request to defy their dying plea.
It would only be for a single day -- barely a blink of an eye compared to the lifetime he’d dutifully spent in this tower already, and would continue to dutifully spend in this tower once he did it.
All the same though, it was undeniably a defiance he would be suggesting.
What would his parents or his uncle think of that?
Suddenly, Clover found that his heart was quite heavy.
“You know, Clover,” Uncle Tyrian continued, paying Clover no mind. “Your bread is nice, but when’s the last time you cooked up some eggs or sausage? A big, strapping young man needs protein in his diet. ...And so do you!” At that comment, he started laughing again. “I’ll need to pick you up some the next time I go out.”
Clover forced a laugh, trying to regain his metaphorical footing.
What was he thinking, asking to do this?
But then, Clover felt the tiniest bit of heat from behind him.
He had a feeling of its source.
Still, perhaps seeing it with his own eyes would help him make a decision.
Clover grabbed his butter knife and made a move to get some more jam for his roll. However, the knife ‘slipped’ out of his hand just before he could.
Oops.
From across the table, his uncle gave him a wistful shake of the head, one Clover responded to with naught but a shrug of his shoulders, a silly smile, and a chuckle under his breath before ducking under the table to retrieve it.
Once under the table, Clover looked behind him, towards the possible source of the heat he felt on his back.
Sure enough, looking right back at him was Raven.
A bird could only be so expressive. Clover knew that to be true.
However, the look she gave Clover was one that could be nothing else other than pure encouragement.
It did the trick of melting Clover’s anxieties away like honey in a cup of tea.
She was right. He could do this.
‘Thank you,’ he silently mouthed to her just before grabbing the knife and rising back up to the table. Raven gave him a nod from her hiding spot. Clover then grabbed his knife and brought it over to the kitchen area’s sink.
“Uncle,” he said. “Can we talk?”
“It was my belief that we were already talking,” Uncle Tyrian replied, smirking.
Clover returned the smirk with one of his own.
“What was it you always told me about not being a smart ass?” he said, unable to keep the laugh out of his voice.
“I’m not a smart ass,” his uncle returned without so much as a beat passing between them. “I’m just smart.”
Clover had to admit that was actually a good joke.
The two of them shared a laugh. It had been a while since they both did at the same time, and Clover loved the feeling of them unequivocally sharing such a warm moment more than he could ever explain.
And the fact that Uncle Tyrian’s mood had nicely improved as a result of such a moment right before Clover was about to ask him his question didn’t hurt either.
As it turned out, Clover was smart, too.
“So Uncle,” he said when the laughter had at last subsided. “As I’m sure you know, tomorrow is my birthday.”
Uncle Tyrian gave him a look similar to just a bit earlier, confused, but almost sarcastically.
“No, no, no,” he said, shaking his head. “Your birthday was last year. You remember, right?”
Clover gave him a pointed look. “You know birthdays are kind of an annual thing, right?”
“Are they though?”
“Yes, uncle,” he said, half teasing and half tired.
Finally, Clover took a deep breath.
It was time.
“Uncle,” he continued. “I’m turning twenty-one tomorrow, and I wanted to ask.” Clover took a pause to sigh and collect himself.
It was really happening. He almost didn’t know how to process that, let alone ask for it.
All memories of the hours of practice he put into this moment abandoned him.
Oh well, looks like he was gonna wing it.
“What I really want for this birthday,” he said when at last ready. “Actually, what I’ve wanted for quite a few birthdays now…”
Clover could tell that the changes to his voice as a result of his reliance on improvisation pulled down his voice’s pitch and quickened its pace, now sounding like something that resembled a mumble, but he’d hoped Uncle Tyrian wouldn’t call attention to it.
He did.
“Clover, please,” Uncle Tyrian interrupted, dramatically sighing in an unamused tone. “You need to stop with the mumbling. You know how I feel about the mumbling. Everything you’re saying is just ‘Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah.’” he mocked, and in true Uncle Tyrian fashion, as soon as he was done admonishing Clover, Clover knew he was going to go right back to teasing him or praising him or something else, unintentionally deflecting from and further delaying the conversation.
But Clover wasn’t going to let that happen again.
“I want to see the floating lights!”
The words all but flew off of Clover’s lips. If Clover himself didn’t feel himself say them, he wouldn’t have believed that they were actually even said.
However, they were.
For a long moment, everything and everyone in the room basically froze.
He’d said it. There was no taking back the request.
Now, it was a matter of how his uncle would respond.
Clover studied his uncle’s face. It flashed through expressions of shock, confusion, and reluctance over the following few seconds.
He knew he was going to have to argue for his request after he at last vocalized it, so those expressions didn’t surprise him, nor did the single word that followed.
“What?”
It was now on him to elaborate on what he meant, and thankfully, he had the perfect visual representation of that.
Clover swiftly moved over to the curtains, the mask that had shielded a certain painting of his from his uncle for years.
Now though, it was time for that mask to finally be lifted.
Pulling at the curtains, Clover revealed the painting he’d made of himself watching the floating green lights.
“These,” Clover clarified. “I was hoping you could take these floating lights.”
He looked away from his painting and back to Uncle Tyrian, who was now studying it.
However, he did so only for a moment before smiling with recognition.
For the brief moment before his uncle responded, Clover let himself hope.
And then he spoke.
“Oh,” Uncle Tyrian said, nodding as his recognizing smile persisted. “You mean the stars. They are beautiful, but you won’t find a better view of them than you have in your tower.”
“N-no, uncle, please,” Clover said, raising his hand in a stopping motion. He grabbed Kingfisher, unhooking it from the pulley and shot its hook towards the upper part of his tower, where a little door had existed that acted very much like a window. The miniature door not only made for a nice skylight, but also illuminated a sky chart he’d developed.
“I’ve been studying astrology for years now,” he continued, “and whatever these lights are, they aren’t stars. They don’t stay in the sky for weeks or months at a time like stars do. They just appear on my birthday -- only my birthday. And...I just can’t help but feel like these lights and I are connected somehow.”
Clover sighed. He hoped to the Gods that he was making sense.
“Uncle, I need to see these lights, in person, and finally understand what they are.”
He’d never let his passion bleed for anything in his life like how he let it in this moment.
Upon saying those last words, Clover signaled to Uncle Tyrian that he was done speaking as well as thanking him for letting him do so uninterrupted.
Uncle Tyrian took a small pause, and then a deep breath.
“You want to go outside?” Uncle Tyrian clarified, his face and tone neutral.
“Yes.”
“You want to go against your parents’ final wishes for you?” It was said in the exact same way as the previous question.
Clover knew those words were going to come up. He knew his body would take it like ice water down his back, and tried to prepare himself for the feeling.
As it turns out, all the preparation in the world couldn’t make that notion feel any less painful than it did when it was finally out.
However, Clover had also planned out his answer to that inevitable question.
He nodded. “Yes.”
Uncle Tyrian gave him a dark look, filled to the brim with disappointment. “But,” Clover quickly added, “it would only be for a day, and you’d be with me the whole time! I bet you know good places to hide, and quick roads to take if we need to escape! You could keep me safe. So, please? Will you take me?”
Clover prayed that Uncle Tyrian could see the desperation and pure want that coursed through his entire being -- that he could tell that while Clover knew the risks of such a request, he wasn't intending on going through with this plan with naught but a childlike understanding of the world, and that he wouldn’t ask something like this if he didn’t long for it with every fibre of his heart, just like he did now.
Maybe Uncle Tyrian did see that.
He probably did, judging by the look on his face.
That didn’t make his response any easier to hear.
“Oh, Clover,” he said, getting up, approaching Clover, and taking his cheek into his hard, bony hand. “When your poor father -- my brother -- died protecting you, he begged me to watch over his most adored and fragile treasure, and I promised him I’d do everything in my power to ensure your safety for as long as I lived.”
“And, I know, uncle, but-”
“It’s a dangerous world out there, Clover.”
“You’ve told me that, but-”
“So, what else is there to say?” Uncle Tyrian gave him the floor, expectantly looking at him as he waited for a response.
Clover tried desperately to come up with an answer to that...but with every rebuke that came to his mind, he knew exactly what his uncle would say to shoot it down.
His strength? ‘Men out there have four times the strength you do, boy!’
His weapon? ‘That little fishing pole of yours won’t do anything against the weapons those outside the tower have!’
His stealth? ‘What stealth? You’re as subtle as a strike of lightning!’
“I-I just think-,” Clover started, trying once more to argue his point.
And just as some part of him knew it was going to happen, that was as far as he got.
“That’s the thing, Clover,” Uncle Tyrian interrupted, peering straight into his eyes. “You just think, but you don’t know.” With his free hand, Uncle Tyrian placed a hand to his own heart, smiling ever so slightly as he did so. “I do know, and I’m here to keep you safely cocooned from the world.”
Clover’s feelings on the way Uncle Tyrian described the tower they dwelled in was something of a mixed bag. Often, it was fine enough -- a safe place, rustic, unassuming. But when he said things like ‘cocooned,’ it just felt so confining, like a blanket tucked around his too tightly, constricting his arms and chest entirely. It made Clover want to go outside of it more than ever.
In that moment, it served to strengthen Clover’s resolve, however minorly.
“Maybe it doesn’t have to be from all of the world?” Clover suggested, optimistically, yet slowly, in much the same way that one drank a cup of piping hot tea.
Uncle Tyrian laughed.
“Clover, Clover,” he said, patting Clover’s cheek. “You’re such a naive, funny boy, and I love you for that. But the world isn’t so simple to manage -- it never has been. I know you. You’ll let just a little bit of it into your life, thinking it won’t be too much, and then a bit more, and before you know it, the chaos of the world will find its way into this safe haven your father left you, and then you’ll be kidnapped and sold off, or perhaps even worse once they realize that you can’t control your semblance!”
Clover winced, audibly despite his efforts for it not to be.
It wasn’t that he wasn’t aware of the dangers he knew going outside would present. He could never let himself forget, nor would his uncle ever let him forget either. However, being reminded of those very dangers so directly never failed to send shudders down his spine and make his skin feel like it was crawling up it.
...Not to mention, Uncle Tyrian was right about Clover semblance. If anyone knew…
And like his uncle always said, even if they didn’t know...they’d find out, and sooner, rather than later, at that.
“Clover,” Uncle Tyrian continued, “I’m a strong man, but I can only do so much once I’m outnumbered. I couldn’t bear the thought of anything ever happening to you -- not on my watch. And I know you wouldn’t wish to put me in danger, either.”
“O-of course not, uncle,” Clover quickly assured. “I’d never want you to get hurt, especially for me.”
“Nor would I ever want you to be hurt. But don’t worry, Clover. You’re exactly where you belong -- away from danger -- nice, safe, and happy in this tower, and that’s exactly how you’ll stay. Be glad for that, my boy. Not everyone is so lucky.” Uncle Tyrian pinched Clover’s cheek. Clover knew it was meant to be in a joking way, something to lighten the mood between them, but it was just a bit too tight a pinch to do that for his taste. Even still though, Clover forced a chuckle.
“Y-yes, uncle.”
Uncle Tyrian looked at the clock, making a ‘tsk’ noise with his lips and teeth. “Is it eight-forty five already?” he half-groaned.
Clover looked at the clock. Indeed, it was.
That meant it was time for him to leave for work.
“Where does the time even go?”
Unfortunately, Clover had a pretty good idea, and if this conversation solidified anything, it was that that would remain the case for a long time to come.
“No idea, uncle. Let me get the pulley ready for you.” Clover turned away from his uncle as he started to make his way towards the window, trying all the while to desperately eat his frown before his uncle saw it. He succeeded in at least cloaking it behind a neutral expression.
Of course, Clover knew there ran the risk of this plan failing...but experiencing that reality was nowhere near as bad as imagining it had ever been.
He should’ve known it was stupid to try...
“Before you do,” Uncle Tyrian said, his words stopping Clover in his tracks and having him turn back to face him. “I have some good news for you, Clover.”
“Oh?” Clover asked, trying with all his might to simultaneously will his semblance to do something for him and to will his hopes away.
His semblance, as per usual, did nothing of the sort.
“My work is on the lighter side today, so I can come home early. I’ll bring some food, and we’ll have a delicious lunch together. How does that sound?”
On any other day, that would’ve been just about the best news Clover could ever hope to receive.
However, today, in comparison to his wish to see the lights and the clear rejection of that wish by his uncle, it just came off as a consolation prize more than anything.
But how ungrateful was that of him to feel, after all his uncle had done for him?
It wasn’t like Uncle Tyrian was saying no to his request to be mean -- he was just trying to keep Clover safe. And now, here he was, using the little time he had off of work not to treat himself to some alone time, but to instead do nothing more than spend a few extra hours with him.
No, Clover thought to himself, he couldn’t be that cruel, not to a man like that.
He could always just work harder to show his uncle how strong and independent he could be and try again next year.
Quickly, Clover shook all morose feelings away and forced a smile.
“That’s great, uncle,” he said. “I’m really looking forward to it.”
Tyrian placed a hand on Clover’s head.
“I love you,” he said.
Clover felt his smile soften, because it was now completely and utterly genuine.
“I love you too, Uncle Tyrian.” With that, Clover turned around and readied the pulley for his uncle’s trip down.
The good news about the pulley’s reverse trip was that it was a lot less straining on his body and took noticeably less time, too. Within six minutes, Uncle Tyrian was safely on the ground, waving goodbye to Clover as he made his way through the vine-y entrance that shielded the tower from the world, promising Clover before he went too far off to be heard that he’d be back soon. Much like every morning, Clover waved back and watched as he disappeared into the vines.
When he was at last gone, Clover turned, and sat down against the window’s wall.
Right next to him when he landed, Raven stood, placing her uninjured wing on his knee in an act of compassion.
It was an appreciated sentiment, a comforting one...but it also served to remind Clover that he failed in his mission today.
He wouldn’t be seeing the floating lights this year.
In fact, if today’s conversation was anything to go by, he might not see them ever.
At least he still had the view from his window...but that was no longer the comfort that it had been in the years prior.
He’d asked...he’d argued as passionately as he’d ever dared...and had come away with nothing to show for it...
Clover knew a lot about his body.
If only he knew for the life of him how to will the fresh tears he was now shedding away.
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Day 02 of 31
I only have two highlights today — feeding my soul and feeding my tummy 🤣
I started the day with the Word and my iced coffee (I just can’t really quit it 😭 LPR who?!).
I actually spent the day meditating on the Word and have finished this Bible plan by Kyle Idleman entitled, “Not a Fan”:
I found this plan from the YouVersion Bible app and it contains seven main topics. My key take-aways from the plan?
It’s not enough that you call yourself a “Christian” nor proclaim with your mouth that Jesus is your Lord and Savior. What really matters to the Lord is the state of your heart and what’s in it. Are you a true Christian? Are you a true follower of Christ? If so, do you deny yourself, and take up your own cross, and follow Him everyday?
We shouldn’t wait to figure everything out first before going back to Jesus. We shouldn’t wait until we feel okay and not guilty anymore before going back to serving and worshiping Him. Why? Because the enemy is so deceptive that he will do his best to distract us in any way possible. He could use even a split second or something that seems harmless to distract us and keeps us away from the Lord. The more time we take away from Jesus, the harder it becomes to come back because the enemy grabs that as an opportunity to pile up every hurdle and distraction that he can use to keep us feel stuck and away from the Lord. Hence, always start where you are as soonest as possible. Start right there. Right now! Jesus is so merciful that He is patiently waiting for you to come home. He is already reaching His hand out to you and asking you to follow Him. Don’t wait until YOU figure your life out. Go to Jesus instead and let Him lead you for He is all-knowing and it is only Him who knows what’s best for you!
Deny yourself! We cannot live serving two masters. We cannot live serving both God and ourselves. It won’t work that way — going back and forth with our own ways then God’s ways. God or our flesh? God or this world? The choice is ours!
The more things that we have and add into our life, the lesser the time we spend with the Lord. To truly grow and mature spiritually, we have to spend more time with Him. And focusing on Him more means that we have to let go some if not all, of the things that distract us and consume most of our time. We have to let go of the distractions. Better said than done, I know. That’s why it is very crucial that we die to our fleshy desires and completely deny ourselves to serve Him for all that we are and for all that we have.
Jesus died for us even if we do not deserve Him. He is the Sacrificial Lamb who died for our sins. He shed His blood to pay for our sins and to bring us to victory. That’s how deep His love is for us! While no good works could ever earn us our salvation, for it is by God’s Grace that we are saved, a true follower of Christ will find joy in serving Him with all his heart and soul. As believers, we have to sacrifice a lot of things if not all, to truly serve and follow Jesus. As true Christians, we should be ready to give up everything to fulfill the calling that He has called us to do.
How can we follow Jesus if we do not know Him? Obviously, we can’t. Thus, it’s very important that we get to know Him — know His character and promises through the Bible. Joshua 1:8 tells us that the law should not depart from our mouth and that we should meditate on the Word every day and night. This way, we can truly know our Lord and Savior and we can be guided accordingly on how to live our lives as Christians. The Bible also rightly equips and prepares us in fulfilling the purpose and plans that God has set for us.
Life in this world is not going to be easy. Being a believer does not mean that we are going to have a stress or problem-free life. In fact, it’s going to be harder as we will experience persecution from others. But we must focus and hold on to God’s promise that it’s going to be worth it in the end. All the pain, sacrifices, and suffering that we have to endure while serving Him will all be worth it for He promised us eternal life after this lifetime.
After feeding my soul, I decided to have some takeout delivered to our house since I was craving for some Korean food. I was craving for kimchi for days now. The last time that I had one was almost seven months ago (due to my LPR). Unfortunately, it wasn’t available from the store where I ordered food so I ended up with spicy ramen (that literally brought me to tears lol), sweetened fried chicken (i cannot not have it when it’s in the menu!), and cheesy tteoboki with odeng (this made me want to have samgyup 🥺) for dinner:
I seriously have to stop with the noodles though. I’ve been eating noodles for consecutive days now and I have a wedding to attend to after Christmas! 🐷 (Buti sana kung nag-e-exercise ako para ma-burn yung mga kinakain ko, e hindi?! Good luck nalang talaga sa gown ko. Yung sukat non kinuha three months ago pa! LOL).
Good night! 🌙✨
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| Dagger . voldemort x reader (1/2)
song: nightmare halsey
warning: dark, really dark, just dark.
pairing: voldemort x reader
words: 1.8+
(A/N: i was planning on making this smut but do you know how frustrating it is to try to write a smut when voldy is wearing a robe, like for gods sake what’s under that. also, i will start editing their equal part 2, and can i say i live for dumbledore x reader x grindelwald ;))
“Crucio.”
The only sound that echoed throughout spacious room was the battle between the silence of the superiors and the raging screams of the innocent victim. No one dared to speak up; heads lowered to stare at the suddenly interesting wooden table.
“Say it.. say it..” Her voice teased the bleeding victim. Sending hairs to shiver as the audience listened against their will. The tip of her pointy wand pressed his temple.
“N-no...” He coughed out the painful blood, choking on his own voice; hoping it sounded threatening, but it echoed vindictively.
“No? Crucio!” With a flick of her wand, the tied up man screamed out once again; the pain electrocuting throughout his muscles. He bit his bleeding lips, in attempt to silence the cry out to justice; in hopes for someone to hear his excruciating pleads. But he has given up, knowing there is no hope, so all he desperately waits for was death.
A silent whimper erupted from a platinum blonde haired boy, who sat next to his silent parents; his grey eyes begged for it to stop. Pleading for the screams to stop.
“Please! I have a f-family!” She rolled her eyes at his attempt to end her fun, reluctantly pausing the curse. Pulling his hair to face her, she smirked at the masterpiece she painted. Rolling his head around, she examined every crooks and crannies.
“Oh? Is that so? Is it this one?” She rapped her wand in the air and a floating orb exposed a peaceful resting family. His eyes widened in shock, realizing it was his family.
“Please! Don’t harm them! They’re all I have..” He cried out, wrists tugging the tight restraints. His wrists bruised in gradients of blue and purple. Wincing as the rope held him in its’ trap, not letting go.
She tilted her head, contemplating on what to do; glancing at the Dark Lord who nodded at her.
Before returning her gaze back to brink-on-death man.
“I’ll play nice,” Pulling her wand back, twisting it, observing the object she cherished. “I had one too. Family, that was so long ago. You want to know what happened?” The corner of her lisp quirked up.
He did not respond, breathing deeply.
“I killed them all. They all stopped breathing together, poetic, right?” She sighed out, staring at a wall as she looked back in the past. Circling the victim, “You want to know why?”
Some ears could not help but budge to eavesdrop the sentimental conversation.
“Blood traitors they were. My brother slept with a muggle. My sister married a mudblood. My uncle allied with a half-blood.,” Eyes darted in random motion, the listeners gulped as she whispered the list of her tragic life. “But I’m innocent right?”
She stepped in front of him, pouting her lips slightly to entice him into her innocence, “Who would suspect Little Y/N? Hm?” She batted her eyes.
“And you..,” The tip of her wand puttered on his skin, he flinched away from the weapon; eyes shut as beads of sweat dripped down from his forehead to puddle on the ground. “You are one of them.. are you not?” Her attractive voice made him gulp, skin running cold.
No response.
“Answer me.” Teeth gritted, she prodded and poked his neck with her sharp wand; frustrated at the unresponsive man.
“Y-yes.. I am..” He sighed out, knees shaking; his life flashed before his eyes.
“But what to do?” She pushed his chin with her prodding wand. Their orbs meeting each other; her eyes tempted him. It was hazel. How similar it looked to oak wood. “Such a pretty face to lose.. Too bad..”
“Crucio!”
Her yell rung through out the room once again; and all the empty spaces were filled with his agonizing cries. Eyes narrowed to the shaking man, irritated at the fact that he was not cooperating with her idea.
“Y/N.” With his deep voice, she blinked into reality; the curse halted as the suffered man clenched his jaw, his eyes focused onto the messy floor. He breathed out a large amount of air, knees frail, which screamed to rest. Her head snapped up to the owner of the voice, her loyal arms fall down to the sides of her body, waiting for him to continue. “Let’s not waste time on him.”
That was enough for her. Whatever he mumbled enticed her. It attracted her. It pushed her onto her knees, and all she could do was obey.
“Yes My Lord.” She nodded her head before turning her attention to the man.
“Lets make this fast and quick,” She flicked her wand again, the orb revealing the same scene, playing. His presumed wife bounced her son on her leg, both giggling. “See this? Death is waiting at their doorstep. If you want them breathing, you say what I want.”
His chest huffed and puffed, he was playing a dangerous game. His irrevocable decision seemed to course its way to exposing the desperate information they wanted. The information he found out with no choice, the information he swore not to reveal, the crucial information which could end the wizarding war.
Not risking the lives of his family, “If I say this.. you will leave my family alone,” She nodded with no hesitation, a grin formed on her face. A spark of joy, zipped in her body. He breathed out yet again, chest tightening. Gulping before revealing, “He marked him, he made him his equal.”
The pale skin lord pushed his chair abruptly, it clashed onto the wooden floor with a bang. Making those present in the room to flinch. His long-waited approach ended as he roughly tugged onto his collar.
“Elaborate.”
Y/N’s eyes blinked at her Master before her, “Y-you gave him your powers, when you attacked the Potters, your powers transferred to his blood.” He stuttered, sweating from nervousness at the intimidating glare of the infamous Dark Lord, flashes of the posters he would pass everyday to enter his workplace; warnings of the return of You-Know-Who
“Ah, the Potters... James Potter.” The name rolled off her tongue, as it rung a bell in her mind. A short flash of her memories played. As she remembered to accidentally seduce the said-Potter. And when they would have a short affair of benefiting off one another.
Voldemort huffed, entering the mind of the victim; not satisfied with his answer, even though his answer was inadequate to satisfy his curiosity, that was all he carried. The Dark Lord stared at the trembling man before shoving his collar away. Walking towards the door to part.
‘Finish him.’ With the whisper of his voice that rung in her head, the room flashed of green- darkness engulfed the man, his deceased body slumped onto the floor.
She chuckled, pacing away from the corpse, flicking her wand- the same scene played; a devilry smile smeared onto her, tapping her wand in the air, yet again. As if the radio had jumped from one song to the other, the bodies of his supposedly-lively family sagged onto the floor.
No remorse. No guilt. No heavy heart. Y/N hopped out of the room with a malignant smile.
Wand in her hand, Y/N strolled passed the dungeons, a smile on her lips as her gaze landed onto the wandmaker of the exact wand she held.
“Ash wood with a phoenix feather core.” Her voice echoed through the encased cellar, the sprouting white-haired elder man head snapped towards the prison like door; which separated the manor and the dungeon.
Ollivander stood up, his frail knees did no help at all as he was supported by his hands flat on the cold walls, “13 inches and hard flexibility... it felt like it was just yesterday when you entered my store to purchase a wand, Miss Emerson, what are you doing in the wrong crowd?”
His hands grasped the chilling bars, concern curtained his eyes, “I’m in the right crowd. You are not one to tell me what surrounds me.”
She pressed as if she was confirming her own statement, Ollivander smiled at the young lady, “I knew you were different as soon as you stepped into my store.” He irritated her, she clenched her wand- tempted to hex him, or even worse, curse him. That was until an enticing voice hissed in her head.
‘Come to the study room.’
Not hesitating, she scoffed at the elder before walking up the stairs with a proud smile; straightening her outfit, ready to face her Master.
Dear child, you fell into the wrong hands. Even if you fell, they would not run after you for your safety. Your loyalty means nothing when they face death.
Standing in front of the study room, Y/N stared at the wooden door, engraved it were cracks like streams of rivers; some ended while some never broke a chain. Ready to rap on the door, her hands halted in the air as a muffled but understandable voice cut her, “Come in.”
With a smile she twisted the door knob, entering the library-like room. Closing the door behind her, she hung her head low before obeying the order, “Look at me.”
Her eyes landed on a figure who sat on the chair, the backrest stood tall; its’ edges engraved with gold. The chair’s headrest met at a sharp point like a pointy mountain. Voldemort’s focus were on her as she tried to stand straight and strong for her Master.
“Come here Y/N,” Not even a hint of hesitation in her head, she walked towards the pale Lord, hoping her shoulders were straightened and her head was high up. As soon as she reached the table, she halted in front of her Master, who exuded domination. “I don’t like to do favorites but it seems you are more pleasant... then the rest of them.”
Her eyes light up from the sudden compliment, her cheeks burned, “T-thank you my Lord, I am honored for you to say such high-praising and worthy words to me.” She bowed her head.
He ‘tsk’ed, his fingers wrapped around her chin, pulling her head up to face him, “Such pretty eyes..,” his gaze fell onto her lips. “and valuable lips.”
With no control, she bit her lips as she felt her cheeks to burn crimson red, her eyes fell onto the floor; staring at her feet; his close proximity sent her heart racing as she gulped, Voldemort tugged her chin, rather harshly, yet again, shaking his head, “Look at me and only me.”
Nodding calmly, she tried to maintain her loudly beating heart, following his orders, she tried her best to uphold their eye contact ; clear and vast like an ocean, mysterious and endless. If anyone was in her place, they would’ve cowered in fear or die with their heartbeat frozen. But she was not anyone. She was Y/N.
Catching her by surprise, the Dark Lord placed a delicate kiss upon her lips. He pulled back to observe her reaction. A lopsided smirk smeared smugly onto his face, “You’re different.”
NEXT PART
Tags: @kurochan3
#voldemort#harry potter#crucio#voldemort x reader#voldemort oneshot#harry potter oneshot#harry potter imagines#harry potter imagine#fanfiction#oneshot#imagine#angst#dark#voldemort imagine#voldermort imagines#death eaters#cruciatus curse#magic
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