Greg Davies says "we're not great-looking guys with our own faces" as if he, Gregory Daniel Davies, is not the old man you're abnormal about and need to fuck.

I find the idea of Benji having like 20 exgirlfriends, boyfriends, and personfriends; while Ethan has dated like 3 people in his entire life, to be hilarious, and now I'm going to integrate it into my headcanons for both of them.

I MEAN I tend to think that before the Prague Job, Ethan was an ethical slut, and it's implied he's having a threesome with Jack and Sarah. (I mean, I literally do not know how else to interpret that line, I have put on my Straight Person Goggles and that line does not make sense unless they are all three dating.) He's flirty and openly teases people.

Then the Prague Job goes fuckways, and Ethan's entire demeanor feels like a very sharp object that neither he nor anyone else knows how to handle. He def fucked Max in the back of that car (I feel like this is even implied by her later dialogue). But its not friendly and fun anymore, it's sharp and dangerous and almost his barricade Ethan is using for his own protection.

AND THEN THERE IS CLAIRE. Claire is trying her best to manipulate the shit out of Ethan, to keep his attention on her and her 'mourning' of Jim rather than the fact Jim is alive and both of them are toying with Ethan.

That extended sequence where Ethan and Jim are talking about "what happened in Prague" intercut with Ethan figuring out what actually happened in Prague-- there's a moment when Ethan pegs Claire as having killed some of the team, but he changes his mind and casts Jim in the role instead because... he doesn't want Claire to be part of this.

TAKE ALL THAT and marry it to the fact that Claire keeps initiating touch with Ethan, tries to get him to comfort her-- that scene with her sleeping on the floor and taking his hand to kiss it is tremendously fucked up.

(I once listened to a podcast that mentioned claire was kind of ethan's love interest and like WOW no. nope. that's not what's happening even a little.)

oh my god i'm rambling but WHAT I AM SAYING is that Ethan has immense trauma that is fueled by sexual manipulation and it honestly feels like it. Twink Ethan as an ethical slut had fun and didn't have to worry about this shit and was all about fair play. Then he has a brief stint as a bad boy that goes badly because robert towne can't write a movie. Then the next we see him he's GETTING MARRIED and leaving the game.

This post is already too long so lets continue. MI3 is fascinating because it's the one I hate the most but Julia and Ethan are tremendous, and the work put into humanizing him is amazing. He's enjoying playing as a doting husband (and 'playing' is inaccurate, he's not lying) and it actively trying to carve himself out of the IMF while multiple people (INCLUDING HIS BEST FRIEND LUTHER) undermine him.

But he still tries, and he leaves, and he's out.

And it all goes to shit. Which is this tremendous tragedy of Ethan Hunt frankly. He put in the work and-- you know the phrase "he's got skin in the game"? Well Ethan had a lot of skin in the game and he let it flay him on his way out just for a chance to actually be out.

GP Ethan is a wildly changed man, but in a way that honestly makes perfect sense to me. The trajectory of his character by design or by accident is an easily tracked arc. (I think McQuarrie gets me on this, or I get him, either or.)

After GP, there is simultaneously an emotional honesty to Ethan... but there's a physical distance. He's older, he's wiser, he's tired, and he's not dragging Benji or Ilsa into a pharmacy closet to have sex. That's not him anymore. But also, there is more raw emotion to everything he does. He feels like he's always on the back foot.

(He comes across as incredibly asexual to me honestly.)

Compared Twink Ethan flirting his way through MI1 to Fallout Ethan getting kissed by the White Widow and having ZERO reaction.

/clutches Ethan to my chest. i love this tired old man.

MEANWHILE: Benji is hot and has a hot bossy streak and has amazing fashion sense. He can get it, he just can't keep it because when Ethan has a job, so does Benji, sooooo yep. lmao.

For the prompt game — could you do AU 1, trope 8, location 2 for Andreil? I always love reading these, thanks for sharing!

Grad School, return of the childhood best friend, inside Andrew's closet!!! Thank you so much for sending in the ask I'm glad you're enjoying the little ficlets and I hope you like this one too!

-----

Tall people were a curse. A blight on all of society. Civilization would undoubtedly crumble under the obnoxious stomping of their huge feet and the polar ice caps would melt at least in part due to the heat from their big fat heads.

Also, all the tall fuckers in Andrew's cohort were constantly putting things in places Andrew couldn't reach, especially when it came to the supply closet off of the office the group of them communally used. It had gotten to the point that Andrew had taken full command of the ordering and organization of all their supplies. Last month he had even gone so far as to print out and laminate a full-color sign for the closet that read: NO ONE ABOVE 5'3 PERMITTED. SEE ANDREW J MINYARD FOR ALL SUPPLY RETRIEVAL.

The only reason he'd given the extra few inches at all was because Robin, the undergrad TA that assisted in one of his classes, sometimes helped him out and she was a whole three inches taller than him. It was enough of a restriction that it barred the rest of his cohort from intruding, though, as even Renee was a solid 5'8.

Or at least, it should have been an effective restriction. Andrew had thought the rest of his team could read well enough to get the goddamn message. Then he showed up this morning and the fucking closet door was open and where was the box of printer ink he'd ordered last week?

That's right, on the top fucking shelf.

When Andrew figured out which idiotic fucking beanpole had decided to pull this shit with him there was going to be hell to pay. He would raid his cat's litter box for ammunition if he had to.

For the moment, though, he needed to replace the ink in both printers. Which was why he was balancing precariously on the arms of the only non-rolly chair on the goddamn floor, straining to reach the box of ink and quietly promising to take an extra dose of revenge out of each and every person over 5'3 if he fell.

Which he almost did when a sharp knock suddenly echoed a bit too loud from directly behind him.

"Jesus fuck what is wrong with y--" Andrew cut off abruptly as he looked over his shoulder to see who had dared come up behind him at a time like this. He blinked, then he fully closed his eyes and took a deep breath before opening them again. When the man before him was still fucking there, Andrew twisted slightly and jumped down, letting his ass hit the seat as he overbalanced on the landing.

"Um... hi."

It had been almost ten years since Andrew had heard that voice. Ten years. In that time Neil had gone from being a scrawny, anxious kid to... well...

Vivid blue eyes stared at him steadily, winged with eyeliner that only made them brighter. His dark russet-auburn hair was shaved close to his head on the sides but long enough on the top that he'd gathered it back in a loose bun, which only emphasized the perfect angles of his face and the soft give of his mouth, the way his chin carved down to a point as if to frame it, drawing the eye.

"Andrew? I didn't mean to surprise you. Well, I did, that's why I didn't tell you I was coming. I didn't mean to almost make you fall off a chair though..."

Neil clicked a tongue-piercing against his teeth. It flashed silver for a moment, matching the two bars that bisected his left eyebrow. Purple studs and a line of tiny hoops trailed up each ear.

Andrew stared, then he did the only rational thing and reached forward, grabbing the doorknob and slamming it shut with himself inside the closet.

His heart was fucking pounding, and he knew his face was flushed because, look. Look. Neil Josten at fourteen years old had been a scrawny kid with big ears and a chipped tooth that was always covered in bruises and Andrew had been so fucking in love with him. All he ever wanted to do as a baby gay was kiss Neil Josten. Thought about it all the time. But that had been off the table because Neil was his best friend and probably asexual and also literally trying to survive. When Neil moved to the other side of the fucking planet to be with his uncle, Andrew had told himself that this was a good thing because 1) Neil would be safe and 2) if there was distance between them then Andrew could finally get over him.

Over the last ten years they'd exchanged regular letters, but because Neil was a fucking technophobe and there may or may not have been an actual hit from actual hitmen and gangsters and shit on him over here in the states - they hadn't spoken on the phone and no pictures had been shared.

And now here was Neil. Almost twenty-four and... so so fucking hot.

There was a soft knock on the door, followed by a quiet, anxious, "Andrew..?" that sounded a lot more like the Neil Andrew remembered.

"Um... should I go? I'm sorry... I thought... I guess I was wrong. I'm sorry. I'll go..."

"No!" The word escaped him before he had time to really think about it. He was pretty sure his voice cracked a little in his desperation too. Shit. Andrew cleared his throat and tried again. "Just... wait. I.. need to get ink."

"Okay."

Andrew did his best not to read into the mystery in Neil's tone. Instead, he thanked the closet gods and carefully climbed back up onto the chair. Another couple of minutes later he had the ink he needed and was facing a coming out he really never anticipated having to go through. Coming out of the closet to your best friend was one thing. Coming out of the literal, actual closet you have shut yourself in to reunite with your super hot best friend that you've been in love with for over a decade at this point was quite another.

Ripping the band-aid off was really the only way to go, so Andrew took a deep breath, put his free hand on the knob, and opened the door.

Neil had repositioned himself and was now leaning against the nearest desk. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up to his elbows exposing strong forearms decorated with swirls of dark ink. Three fingers on each hand bore rings (not the ring fingers, not that Andrew was specifically looking) and his nails were painted a dark, glossy gray. Around one wrist was a frayed bracelet that perfectly matched the one Andrew also wore on the same wrist.

As soon as Neil saw him, he lit up. A smile on his face that shined in his eyes, even if there was a slight hesitance to it - understandable considering Andrew had just.. you know... shut himself in a closet after seeing him.

"Hey... Sorry again, about that. I know you don't like to be startled. I just... I got excited."

Andrew swallowed, a tough feat with a throat so dry. Somehow, he managed a snort. "Like a puppy. Should I be worried about my floors, Josten?"

"I dunno, you gonna scratch me behind the ears?" Neil shot back, and the smirk that accompanied it was fucking devastating. That's is, Andrew gave up. He lost. Dead, he was dead. There was no way he was getting out of this one.

Andrew did the only thing he could do to keep himself from grabbing the little bastard and kissing him senseless, which was ask the big question hanging in the room between them.

"How are you here, Neil? I thought you'd never be able to come back to American soil."

Neil rubbed the back of his neck, like he was thinking of the best way to explain it. After a moment he said, "Uncle Stuart still doesn't think it's a great idea - but there's no price on my head anymore. As of last month we cleared out the last of... well, let's just call them the old bad guys. There are new bad guys, but they don't really care about me."

It took a moment for that to fully sink in. Andrew set down the ink on the desk and moved to stand directly in front of Neil. When Neil stood up straight, they were almost exactly the same height - Neil only really had a few inches on him. At least he hadn't been lying to make him feel better when he'd told him in a letter a few years back that he'd topped out at 5'3.

"So? Don't you have a whole new life over in jolly old England now? Friends and family who don't regularly try to kill you? Why come back at all?"

He knew why, but he wanted - he needed - to hear him say it.

"Yeah, but... they aren't you."

"Me."

"Yeah, Andrew. You."

Their eyes met. Something in Andrew's chest snapped like an overworked rubber band stretched too taut and all the carefully sequestered feelings it had been keeping at bay suddenly sprang forth like a tidal wave. They rushed through him, filling him up, buoying him until he probably could have reached the top shelf of that goddamn closet without the chair.

"I hate you," Andrew ground out. And Neil smiled, because he knew it wasn't true.

"I missed you, Andrew. I missed you so fucking much."

"Shut up, stupid." Andrew forced himself to take a deep breath, then he snatched up Neil's hand and started dragging him out of the office. "Come on. We're getting ice cream."

Neil laughed and squeezed his hand. "Some things never change."

No, Andrew thought, some things never do.

Late night chats

Xeno was off relocating a satyr, so Senku was free to pad down the stairs of the home he shared with his mentor in his boxers, an old shirt, and socks. Besides, it was late, with a heavy, full moon in the dark sky, so even if his mentor was there, it wasn't likely that he'd be out of his room at such an hour. So, the leek-haired man wasn't expecting to come into the kitchen to rummage through the fridge for a late-night snack and find a familiar split-haired succubus sitting on the counter with his tails swaying lazily in the darkness.

For a moment, Senku didn't register the demon when he was revealed by the slice of pale light, but then he whipped his head around and stared at the succubus.        "uh? Excuse me, what the fuck are you doing in my house?" The demon shrugged,        "I wanted to see you again! After all, you're quite the interesting man, Senku-chan," That made the leek's cheeks turn toasty for a moment before he cleared his throat,        "Have you not met an asexual hunter before? Or at all?" He asked, and Gen thought for a moment, then shrugged,        "Not really, or...well, I haven't talked to many of the asexuals I've run into. As a sex demon, I tend to focus on feeding, and, as you've proven, I can't feed on those who have no sexual attraction to me, so" He hopped down from the counter to punctuate the statement, "But that's not why I'm interested in you. You intrigue me because you're the first hunter to have asked me about my biology, most just want to banish me." As he spoke, he sidled over to the hunter, coiling a tail around one of his arms and batting his blue eyes at the man.

However, Senku just watched him in the white light of the still-open fridge, gauging his intentions. I should just throw him out. It's super sketchy to have a SEX demon in my home so suddenly. He told himself, his crimson eyes watching the strong, white, tail around his arm squeeze the limb, kind of like how a girl would with a guy she likes, However, this could also be a chance to ask more questions and get more primary sourced answers.

For a moment, the monster hunter pondered the predicament. Then, after some thought, decided to take the risk,         "Well, alright. I guess we can sit in the living room for a while and talk a bit more, but then you have to go. I don't want you sticking around while I sleep." Senku said, looking at Gen with a firm look that left him no room to argue his case, so instead, the succubus nodded and smiled brightly. So, Senku shut the fridge at last and led the succubus into the living room to sit on the pleather couch.          "I'm gonna guess you want to ask about my species, again?" Gen hummed as he released Senku's arm and flopped onto the couch, watching the hunter nod and pouting in return, "Fine, but I want you to ask about me too. I'm more than a specimen," the succubus sniffed, Senku just snorting,          "Alright, how old are you?"          "I am about 25 years old," The leek plucked up a notebook and pen from a side table and began taking notes as Gen sat up properly with a chirp, "My turn! How old are you?"           "I'll be turning 21 this year. Do you breed like humans do, or are sex demons only made through lustful souls? Matter of fact, how do you even create a sex demon?" He fixed his strawberry-colored eyes on the demon, who thought          "I know I was born from two demons, so I guess that answers your first question. As for the second, I don't know, I haven't tried to impregnate anyone." he shrugged.

Senku continued to note down all of the answers he got while Gen watched and waved his tails while thinking up his next question,         "Do you live here alone?~" The flirtatious tone in the demon's voice wasn't acknowledged as the man wrote,         "No, I live here with my monster hunting mentor. He and my father are friends, and Byakuya thought me staying with Xeno would be the safest way for me to learn. Do you have any sensitive areas?" Senku looked up from his notes to see that Gen was staring at him, obviously wanting to question him, but he'd moved the conversation along too fast. So, he instead feigned bashfulness,          "Oh, Senku-chan! How inappropriate, asking about my erroneous areas!" Senku swat at him while he giggled,          "Just answer the question, you perv,"          "mmm, well, I don't want to." He decided, "I haven't been asked a single personal question before now, and suddenly you want me to divulge my secrets?" Senku grimaced, having forgotten that the demon wanted him to ask more about him as a person, Would asking about his family life be TOO personal? But asking about his favorite foods feels too easy... He spent a long moment humming and hawing, not liking the way Gen's dark blue eyes looked so hurt,           "A-alright, what do you do as a hobby?" He finally asked, and the pain in his chest instantly went away when the demon's face lit up like a child's at Christmas,           "I enjoy doing magic tricks! I love the confusion and astonishment it can cause!" he crowed, his tails wagging like a happy dog. So, Senku went into the kitchen and dug a deck of cards from one of the drawers. He then brought them to the demon, finding he enjoyed the wholesome smile they brought to the odd demon's face.

After that, the duo sat and Gen did card tricks for the hunter. Normally, the leek-haired man would've had no interest in the show, since he didn't believe in magic, but he found himself enjoying the challenge of debunking each trick with logic. In turn, the demon seemed to enjoy doing the tricks and explaining them to the curious hunter.

With that, the original question was forgotten, and, once he'd run out of tricks to show, Gen was free to move on to his turn.          "I'm sorry if this seems rude, but how come someone as smart as you is training to be a monster hunter? Do you maybe have a fetish for inhuman creatures?~" Senku snorted at the implication, picking his notebook back up to continue his notes on his turn,         "I'm only working as a monster hunter to save for college. I wanna work for NASA and build rockets, my only interest in monsters is figuring out what makes you tick." He punctuated the answer by jabbing the succubus in the arm, snickering as he feigned pain,          "Do you have venom or anything? If so, is it some form of aphrodisiac?" He watched the demon stretch out on the dark pleather couch, thinking for a bit,          "I don't think so? I've only really bitten someone during feeding, so I can't say if it would be an aphrodisiac or something else," he admitted with a shrug, and Senku wrote that down before thrusting his arm at the demon,         "Try to bite me.” Sadly, the words had left his mouth before his brain could veto the plan. He had no real plan for if the succubus' potential venom did anything other than arousing him, he'd just wanted to experience the effects and determine whether or not he could feel it being injected, not just the effects.

Thankfully for him, Gen shook his head and pushed his arm back,         "Sorry, Senku-chan, maybe another time," The leek nodded quickly, his face feeling hot and his stomach twisting under the threat of him upchucking. After that, he simply asked the demon more questions about himself, hoping to make up for the weird request until they both began to yawn and the hunter's thoughts felt too much like sand to formulate good questions.

At that point, he put his notebook aside and stood up, stretching with yet another yawn,          "I think it's time for you to go, I'm gonna head to bed," he hummed, and the succubus nodded, getting up himself,          "Can I come back some other time?"          "So long as it's not at 3 am again, go for it, this was fun," The two smiled at one another at that, and said goodbye without too much more fanfare before splitting for bed.

I am alive! Long, rambly post ahead.

So. I did a thing. After 2 or 3 years on a waiting list of therapy, I got it. Good right? Ahuh...

A weekly appointment at 10.30 am is apparently my kryptonite.

It was fine at first, but I got utterly sidelined with the cumulative effect and the fact I wasn't able to reset my energy. But, I was determined like, I'd breakthrough.

Uh. That did not happen. All I could do was attend that appointment. For the first time since I started writing again post house explosion, I couldn't even write. I managed to not some ideas down. Carry on a few plots in my head. Still, even with my insomnia, I was stuck with my facemask on, desperately trying to get enough energy to eat, and occasionally failing even that.

After I had to take a break for a few weeks running for dental appointments and Covid Vaccines, I gained enough energy back to do that look around and reflect thing.

Hell, I might not have been perfect before this, but I enjoyed things. I chatted with friends. I lurked in the Stark Tower discord plotting new ideas. I got to write. I got to do real-world hobbies. I got to spend time awake with my partners!

So, after my vaccine and several days with a very high fever, I kind of decided. Fuck it. This isn't worth it. I have clawed my little part of this world out, and I am not going to lose it.

Sometimes you have to weigh up the cost-benefit analysis. What good may come from these 16 appointments was utterly stopper by the bomb dropped on my life. So I came out of my fever cave of blankets, had an incredibly hot bath and decided this wasn't working.

The early appointment alone was killing me; I am crepuscular by nature. Not being sarcastic there; this is how I have dealt with severe levels of insomnia since age 12. I tried being an average human that wakes up in the morning and goes to bed at night for decades, and it didn't work. I am most active after 11 pm, and I nap during the day. It's not a perfect fix; if it were, the Gold series would literally not exist as that is my Insomnia in a cape. However, sleeping at least once in a 24 hour period nearly every day is THE WIN. Being not awake at 10.30 am, but already at an appointment, where I was expected to be coherent? Weekly? With no variable illnesses? Even the stint in hospital I had was around me making these appointments... Not getting better from fall.

Honestly, I have no idea what past me was thinking, but after they went to 2 or 3 appointments and didn't feel too bad, they committed hard to this course of action. That was a mistake that I thought I had learned a long time ago, that assessing the work-life balance is critical. This might not be work, but it was the same thing.

So, How am I doing? Better. Not aces, but the Covid fever of doom made me miss last weeks appointment. The week before, it was the Covid.2 Jab and today I had the dentist.

And this morning, before my dental appointment, I started writing. My partners were over the moon. I am not back on full capacitor yet, but I am clawing my way back. Heck, I felt alive enough to prat about in the garden as my partner wanted to take a few pics of me given my pairing of BRIGHT TOXIC GREEN tights and lace trousers. I realised I hadn't set foot in the garden since this therapy thing started. My dog, Loki, was bouncing around like a loon bringing me every stashed ball he could find.

If anything gives you clarity, it's the excitement of a collie confronted with man balls, your partner's joy at you starting something you love again and actually feeling like a human being.

Ness is calling the therapy people when she gets the social confidence points required to deal with bombing me out of this whilst being my stalwart wall, so I don't get bullied onto the phone (hello, Hemiplegic Migraine) or guilted back into just trying a few more sessions.

It's not like my therapist was bad. He was cool. He dealt with this ADHD, Autistic, Severe Insomniac, Asexual weirdo and never once questioned any of these identifiers. I just don't have the energy to do anything back to back, week after week, at 10.30 am—even fun things.

So, I am probably going to sleep a lot. I am not back to my previous form yet; my Hubs is saying I made it out of the cave, but I still have Palladium Poisoning because apparently, I have infected his brain to think of things in Iron Man metaphors.

This is a bit all over, but I felt like I wanted to get it down. Especially for anyone worried about my sudden absence.

TLDR, the road to hell is lined with good intentions; sometimes the good thing becomes the bad thing, sometimes you lose yourself trying to do things the right way, and everything ends up wrong. Sometimes the right thing is the thing people see as wrong. All I know is that I wrote something for the first time this morning because of insomnia, and I couldn't be happier. My mind is starting to pick up speed again, this dense dog of confusion, exhaustion and pain is clearing, and I have goals.

Which I think is what really matters, right?

Oh, side note, some things did get done whilst I was busy being a zombie. After nearly 3 decades of waiting, at 33 (yeah, I've wanted to change my name a long ass time.) I got my name changed! So I can sign this off in a way that makes me smile. I dropped my old first name, and took my first middle name as my new forname. (I was, and still am, one of those ginormous name people.) I also went back in history and timestoned my surname. (So, I was named utterly after my dad. Literally, I have the female version of his name >.< but I wanted to keep that connection to my genealogy whilst not having my dads name.) Boom.

Enjoy the earlier mentioned pictures of me pratting about in the garden. I am a photographer. I do not know how to pose. What you are seeing is sarcasm 😅. (If you want to know where the fabulous tights came from, Google Snag Tights. They are truly a miracle and a gift from the Gods. They have actual sizes and don't tear after one wear, even if you are more leg than human. So you stretch and destroy tights by walking.)

- Morgan / M-Mac-C

idk what tma discourse ur responding to but for me i personally like allo martin. As an ace person i find the idea of an allo person learning abt asexual identities and discussing boundaries and still being w the person as quite comforting. For a long time I thought that in a way I couldn't be w an allo person bc it couldn't work out, which isn't true.

I like asexual martin as well but my point is, to let people headcannon the character's sexualities? tma is delightfully queer in a vague way and people can explore that queerness in a miriad of ways.

That's just my opinion though! Enjoy your day

If you think I’m looking down on people’s right to hc Martin as allo, you must have not been reading any of my posts.  In fact, you really should examine your reaction of seeing someone *celebrating an ace headcanon* when it’s being attacked, and taking it as some sort of attack on your own.  I didn’t think this was a distinction I had to make since I haven’t said anything against allosexual Martin or anyone’s right to see him that way, other than saying it’s not canon and not some sort of default we’re bound to. 

I also like allo Martin headcanons.  I find worth in a LOT of interpretations of Martin, and actively seek out all kinds:  ace Martin is wonderful because I get to see a lot of myself reflected in a character I love and who shares a lot of other life experiences with me, plus it allows me to enjoy Jon/Martin without centering an allo perspective.  Allo Martin with sex averse Jon is great because it runs against the old aphobic discourse that ace people can’t be in a relationship with allo people, and that it’s “abusing” the allo partner to be in a sex-free relationship.  Sex-interested Martin in a polyship with sex-averse Jon and another sex-interested partner is great because polyships are wonderful and that kind of set-up is often wish fulfillment.  Lonely, inexperienced Martin is valuable because it allows exploration of a very real type of adult life we never see in media outside of mockery, rather than treating a robust social and sex life as the default.  ‘Everyone has a crush on Martin and he’s the most desired man on this block’ headcanons are great because that’s a rare portrayal for fat characters, and everyone SHOULD have a crush on Martin if they have any TASTE--.  

(Hell, the latter two are interchangeable for Jon and Martin for me--I love “everyone has a crush on Jon” with him as an asexual, heavily nd-coded character, but ‘Jon is lonely and isolated and his relationship with Martin is a rare exception’ is closer to canon themes and has so much value on its own.)

That’s the thing that’s exhausting about this kind of headcanon policing; people latch onto their favorite and find worth in it, but then insist all other kinds have no worth and can only have bigoted, hateful motivations.  Ace Martin must be because you’re trying to desexualize fat people, or think that ace people can only be in relationships with other ace people!  Polyship Jonmartin must be because you think Jon’s not good enough by himself!  Allo Martin with sex-averse Jon must mean you’re homophobic and against gay sex (this take didn’t come from ace Martin fans, but from aphobic fans attacking the writers of the show as “cowards for desexualizing a gay relationship by making Jon ace”)!

There are pitfalls to writing all of the above, which should be addressed on their own with nuance and research rather than projecting ultimate bad faith and banning the entire category as Wrong.  People take their own reasons for not enjoying a dynamic (fandom used to call them “squicks”) and project that onto the author as a bad motivation, and then rampage against it like it’s Problematic and needs to be stamped out.  

Being told that Martin IS ALLOSEXUAL and ABSOLUTELY FUCKS and is TOO HOT AND COOL to possibly be sexually inexperienced?  That having an ace headcanon for him is demeaning and dehumanizing, fatphobic and homophobic, and we need to “examine our biases” if we inflict it on him?  That’s just plain old acephobia on top of obnoxious headcanon policing.  Allo Martin is by far the most prevalent headcanon in the fandom--ace Martin is a tiny niche that only recently has gotten any attention, and most ace Martin works are by authors who normally write allo Martin.  Anyone who’s even glimpsed into the nsfw side of the fandom should immediately know how popular sexually active allo Martin is there.   Fics that explore Jon’s asexuality almost 100% do so with Martin as the allo partner, who is so much more experienced and knowledgeable that he often teaches Jon what asexuality is.*  

(*Which is becoming a bit of a squick of my own, because the prevalence of that + Jon learning from Georgie can feel very infantilizing towards Jon, and a lot of it is written as it being impossible for him to have found out on his own because he’s too incapable.  But I’m not going to look down on the entire category beyond just encouraging caution and nuance because I know a lot of those stories come from the angle of “I wish I had someone who told me so I’m going to write about that.”)

This is a long post but it applies to a lot more than just the ace/inexperienced Martin interpretation.  People need to be willing to just say “this isn’t for me, I don’t like this angle” and just learn to close out of the fic and just go find another one that appeals to them more.  

Love

One-Shot

Description: Asexual!Bucky thinks he is broken beyond repair, until you show him that he has been complete all this while.

Warnings: Angst, bad language, mention of sex toys, romance and fluff

@jtargaryen18 organised a writing challenge for reaching 4k followers and of course I have to participate multiple times! 😍 I am sorry this entry is a little late 🙈

My Main Masterlist

A/N: This is the first time I am writing an asexual character. Whatever I have written is based upon my knowledge that I have gathered by reading various articles and posts on asexuality. The reason I am writing this is because I want to have an equal amount of straight and LGBTQ+ stories in my masterlist, so that there's something for everyone to enjoy. Hence, if you are an asexual person or know someone who is, and you realise that anything in my story is incorrectly represented, then please let me know. I will immediately correct it, issue an apology and accept my mistake publicly. 

I don’t consent to have any of my work published or featured on any third party app, website or translated. If you are seeing this fanfiction anywhere but Tumblr and AO3, it has been reposted without my permission. In that case, please do share the link and let me know.

…

"I cannot fucking believe this!" Karen shouted, "What are you like gay or something?"

Bucky winced at her venomous words. "You need to leave," he said in a quiet, respectful tone.

"Like hell I am going to leave. I want answers!" she placed her hands on her hips and stomped her foot. "What is it? Am I not sexy enough for you? Are you not attracted by this?!" she gestured towards the skimpy lingerie currently hugging her body.

Bucky met her eyes as he responded, "I do not want to have sex with you." 

She huffed, clearly not convinced, "Why not? We have been going out for what, 3 months now? And you still don't want to have sex with me? What is the issue here? Is it-" she paused suddenly, her eyes traveling down his torso to his crotch, "You can't get it up can you?" she sneered.

Bucky shook his head, too exhausted to deal with her, "Karen, it's nothing like that. I just do not want to get physical with you. That's all."

"Oh! Ooooohh!" she bent backwards a bit, "So it was fine to hug me, cuddle with me and hold my hands. But when it comes to sex, you suddenly become a pious celibate saint! What the fuck Bucky?"

Bucky sighed, and handed Karen back her coat, "We are done. Please leave."

She laughed dryly, "Oh abso-fucking-lutely we are done. You know what I think?" she asked while wearing the coat, "I think that you are too old grandpa and that your tiny ass tortured gay dick cannot salute on its own. Because no man in his right mind would deny this," she again pointed to herself. "Super-soldier my ass," she muttered as she left.

The door to his apartment closed with a loud bang, leaving an echo in its wake. Bucky stood still, rooted to his spot. If it were not for the silent tears rolling down his cheeks, anybody could have mistaken him for a statue. 

Slowly, he sat on the floor, his gentle sobs rocking his body as he hugged his knees. 

Decades of torture by the hands of Hydra had left him crippled, physically, mentally and emotionally. When he had been saved by Steve, he had started to piece his life back together, bit by bit. Things such as books, movies, music became tiny jigsaw pieces that slowly filled the void in his life. 

After the final galactic battle with Thanos, Bucky had been officially initiated to the Avengers team, or rather what was left of it. The team soon became an extended family, a family that Bucky was still getting used to. It was especially irksome when Sam and Scott decided to set him up on a date with Karen from Research & Development (R&D), despite his protests.

It wasn't that Bucky didn't desire a relationship. He wanted to be close to someone, experience romance, feel their heartbeat in a close embrace and place light kisses on their forehead. 

But he didn't want to have sex.

At first, he thought he might not have met the right woman. So he searched for porn online, which did little to sway his feelings. He put the issue on a backburner, the safety of the people and the urgency of his missions steering the wheel of his life for a while. 

But when Sam and Scott proudly announced their grand plans for Bucky's date, he remembered his "issue" again. He looked at Karen closely whenever they went on dates together. She looked perfect. Beautiful hair, soft glowing skin, curves in all the right places, all packed in a graceful, slender body.

Bucky liked being close to her, but he was still not getting aroused. Hence, he stopped her advancements everytime she tried to get physical. Karen tolerated it for a while, before her patience wore out tonight.

As the sun rose in the sky, Bucky was still seated on the floor, his cheeks now stained with tears that had stopped sometime in the night, though a sniff escaped from him every few minutes. He looked at the sunlight pouring in from the window, broken by the window-panes, landing at his feet in two rays with a comforting warmth. It was in that moment that Bucky realised, Hydra had truly broken him.

🏳️‍🌈

"We have various types of dildos available. There's The Classic, Textured, Long and Thin, Short and Thick, Vibrators, Transparent Plexiglass Dildos, Strap-Ons, G-Spot Dildos, Double-Ended, Squirting Dildos and ones that also come with a suction grip. Are you looking for yourself or are you looking for something to enjoy with your partner?" the helpful saleswoman asked you.

You stroked your chin in thought, "It's only for me. I already have a vibrator that I bought about a year back. The G-Spot ones have never really worked for me. I am looking to try something new. What is the suction grip one?" 

The attendant handed you the dildo and showed you the suction grip at the end of it, "You can use this to place and stick it on any flat surface you want, whether it's the floor or the wall or the side of your desk. It guarantees a completely hands-free pleasurable experience."

You stuck it on the wall besides the showcase to test the theory. It worked. "Neat! I will take this one," you smiled as the attendant went to fetch a fresh piece.

You paid for your new sex toy and walked back to the Avengers compound with your small white shopping bag in tow.

When you reached your desk, you heard Karen bitching as usual about something to Jessica. At first, you blocked them out like you did almost everyday, but then a name in their conversation caught your attention.

"He's the Winter Soldier alright. He's completely frozen down there," Karen whispered loudly with disgust. 

"Even that red sexy lingerie didn't do anything for him?" Jessica gasped dramatically.

"No!"

"That's crazy! That hot-red piece will convert even the most gayest of the guys! And it didn't do anything for him? Wow," Jessica responded.

Karen added, "You know something? I have always thought he was extremely weird. Like, dude, I know you were tortured by Hydra or whatever, but get over it man! It's been years since he was free. He should enjoy life and stop being such a wimp. I am 100% sure he is impotent."

"You know I was digging into him the other night," Jessica said in a hushed whisper, "and I saw a message board online which suggested that his penis has been completely cut by Hydra. This person knows all such secrets about these alleged superheros. You should follow him."

"What is his username?"

"Proud-Flat-Earther-MotherFuckers. Wait, I will send you the link," Jessica offered. 

Having heard enough of their nonsense, you made your way towards the HR department. Maybe both Karen and Jessica had forgotten, but talking about the personal lives of Avengers was strictly against the rules and was considered as reason enough to fire employees. 

You filed a complaint with the HR and within a few hours, both the women were fired on the spot. You savored the moment with relish, as their faces turned aghast at the realisation that their actions had consequences. You went up to them, watching the pair clean their desks, with unabashed glee. 

"You know something Karen?" you asked her, "Just because a man refuses to have sex, it didn't mean that he's a wimp, or gay or an impotent. But if you do choose to think of him that way, then it surely makes you a sexiest and a homophobic person."

Karen looked at you furiously, "You bitch! I lost my job because you went and blabbed in front of the HR!"

You chuckled at her outburst, "Oh my dearest Karen. Yes I did go and rat you out to the HR. But that's not what got the two of you fired."

"Then what did?" Jessica asked as she joined the conversation. 

You folded your hands for effect, "Your hateful comments and toxic views cost you your jobs. People like you think that just by using the latest iPhone or following the latest trends, you are a modern, 21st century person. But in reality, it is your open mindset which makes you a member of the modern society. If you would open your mind just as much as you open your legs, trust me, the two of you will be much better off."

You turned to leave, but stopped yourself, "Just a suggestion. Stop using words like gay and impotent as insults. It will help you retain your next job for a longer time." You winked at their speechless faces, and happily returned to your desk. 

Your job in R&D was taxing and so, you always found yourself working late. Today was no exception either. As you left your office at around 8pm, you saw Bucky heading towards the elevator which led to his apartment. You always had a soft spot for the brunette super-soldier. For starters, you couldn't even begin to comprehend the tortures he must have endured in his past. And the fact that he was trying to piece his life back together again? It was truly commendable.

He always kept to himself, his eyes downcast and his body language unsure. And after what you had heard today, you felt even more sorry for the guy. Turning towards the cafeteria, you picked up a box of vanilla-strawberry French macarons for him, thanking the heavens above for the free food available at the Avengers compound. You held the white bag with macarons in your left hand, being mindful of not confusing it with the similar white bag in your right which contained your new sex toy. 

A few moments later, you found yourself in front of his apartment. You had visited him twice before to adjust his vibranium arm or to sort out a few tweaks, but never before had you visited him so late in the evening. 

You knocked, feeling a little hesitant as you did so. He was surprised to find you standing on the opposite of the door, however, he still greeted you courteously nonetheless. 

Before you could state your reason for the visit, he said sincerely, "I heard what you did today. Thank you. I really appreciated it."

Now it was your turn to be surprised, "Oh. Ummm. It's okay really Mr Barnes. It was nothing. You don't need to-"

"No. It wasn't just nothing. You could have turned a deaf ear and ignored them. Yet you chose to stand-up for me. Thank you," a small smile laced his face and you melted on the spot.

You had a crush on Bucky. A BIG one. Could anyone blame you? This guy was a hot, sexy mess of an ice-cream sundae that left you hungry for more even on the coldest nights of the year. 

You realised you were staring into his steel-blue eyes like a creep, and immediately cleared your throat. "What-what they did was wrong. Karen had no right to demean you for your desires or lack of them. I-," you sighed, "I am sorry for what she said. It was disrespectful and hurtful. So I brought you something that I hope will cheer you up."

You awkwardly raised your right hand, "I got you some vanilla-strawberry macarons from the cafeteria."

Bucky did cheer up a bit at the mention of his favourite food. He eagerly took the bag with a huge smile, "Thank you," he said once again as you shook your head. "Thank you for everything you do to keep us safe Mr Barnes. I must be on my way now. Goodnight," and with that you left, grinning like an idiot.

🏳️‍🌈

You took a bath, ate your dinner and slipped into comfortable pyjamas. Excited to try your new sex toy tonight, you unpacked the bag expecting to see the nondescript box of the dildo. Instead, 5 delicious macarons stared back at you with innocence. 

You stumbled backwards in shock, the impact of your action settling like a dull, heavy weight in your stomach. "Oh no no no no," you whispered, horrified.

You immediately rushed to your window and pulled aside the curtain to look at Bucky's building, as if expecting to see him staring daggers at you. One of the privileges of working with the Avengers? You got to stay in a nice apartment within the compound itself. Your residential complex was a little further away from the main building, covered easily by 15 minutes of walking. 

Feeling hyper, you frantically searched for a coat and almost ran out of your house. You rushed back in to keep the box in the bag and again, dashed towards the elevator. 

Hoping that Bucky would have yet to open the box, you sent a silent prayer to all the gods and goddesses in the skies above, even Thor. Meh, you never know when an ex-Avenger could be of help.

You sprinted towards the other building, a multitude of thoughts clouding your mind- What if he was offended by it? Would he file a complaint against me? It would be sorta ironic if I was fired for this! Shit he would think my apology was false and I am probably mocking him.

You reached his apartment, a panting, huffing mess of a person. You knocked frantically, his door shaking with force at your desperation. However, you jumped as Bucky whispered your name from behind you, "Are you okay? What's going on?" he asked with concern as you turned around to face him.

"Did-did you op-open the bo-ox?" you questioned him while panting like a dog. 

He furrowed his brows in response, "No I was planning to open it in a few minutes. Please tell me what's going on. Why do you look so scared?"

You bent over double, your stomach cramping thanks to your impromptu running, "Thi-this is your bag," you held up the package, "That ba-bag is mine."

"Okay," Bucky said slowly, still unsure of your behaviour, "Should I open the door to retrieve your bag?"

You nodded as he stepped aside, "Why are you not wearing any shoes?"

You looked down at your feet at his query, small blades of grass had stuck to your naked feet along with dirt. "I was in a hur-hurry to get to you," you managed to say between your breaths.

Bucky just nodded in response. It was then that you noticed the pack of paper tissues in his hand. He opened the door and stepped inside, beckoning you to follow him. He pointed to the white bag kept on the table while he looked at it with worry. "Will it explode?" he solicited.

"Uhh no," you replied awkwardly.

"Is it dangerous?" curiosity etched on Bucky's face as you swapped the bags.

"No, it's nothing like that," you looked down at your feet, feeling the heat rush to your cheeks with embarrassment.

He narrowed his eyes, "Then what is it?"

"I can't tell you," you quietly admitted, "but here are your macarons. I am really sorry for this. Didn't mean to disturb you from whatever you had planned," you pointed to the box of tissues still in his hand. 

Bucky noticed the underlying question in your statement, "I was about to watch a movie. So needed these to clear the mess."

Your eyes went wide at his sincerity. While you had a crush on him, you definitely did not want to know about Bucky's late night masturbation adventures. Shaking your head, you raised your hands and started walking backwards, "I am sorry I disturbed your nightly… activities. I get out of your hair."

"Actually, would you like to join me for the movie?" Bucky asked hopefully, "We have the macarons and you seem like you need to calm your nerves."

You were surprised for the third time that day. Did Bucky just ask you to masturbate with him? Or have sex while eating the macarons? Or did he want to eat them after you guys have had sex? A flurry of questions swirled in your mind as you stared at him with a slightly open mouth. 

Bucky interpreted your gaze and stumbled to clarify himself, "As friends! Would you like to watch a movie with me as a friend?"

You slowly nodded your affirmation, "Yeah okay. Which movie are we watching?" 

"The Notebook," he revealed with a smile, "It's an extremely emotional movie. Ummm what's the term? Tear-jerker? Uhh yeah, it's a real tear-jerker of a movie."

"Oh so that's why…" you pointed at the tissues. "Yeah," he confirmed, "I tend to cry a lot while watching that movie. And… ummm… I am the kind of person who cries ugly. You know, all tears and snot. So yeah… I need the whole box."

"That's… that's actually sweet," you smiled, "Trust me you are not alone. I start crying as soon as the titles appear on the screen."

He got excited at your confession, "Yes! Exactly! It's because you know what's going to come and you are just mentally preparing yourself."

You chuckled with him in affirmation as he led you further into his apartment.

You freshened up a bit in his washroom, making sure to clean your feet and the residue on your face from the sweat.

Bucky was standing besides your bag when you entered the living room, "Now that we are friends," he intoned, "will you please tell me what's inside of this?"

You sighed, "Mr Barnes-." 

"Bucky," he corrected you and you smiled. 

"Will you promise me you will not take any offense or be insulted by it? I really did not mean to swap the bags."

"I trust you," Bucky said with assurance.

"It's…it is a sex toy," you mumbled quietly. Any normal human wouldn't have heard you, but Bucky's enhanced hearing caught your words flawlessly. 

He took a moment to process your words, and finally, to your amazement, burst out laughing. 

You sheepishly smiled at his reaction as your heart felt a little lighter. "That is embarrassing," he agreed with a wide grin. 

The two of you settled on the couch as Bucky's chuckles lessened. He kept the box of macarons between you two, but hesitated to begin the movie.

You sensed his curiosity, and clarified, "I haven't been in a relationship in a very long time. It's been… 2 years I guess… since my last breakup." You took a deep breath, "And my job doesn't exactly leave a lot of time on my hands for dating or one-night-stands."

Bucky seemed to consider your words for what felt like a long time. Finally, he asked quietly, "What does it feel like? To… to want another person… sexually?"

You blinked your eyes, thinking you must have misheard him. But then, his gaze met yours, and you knew his question was sincere.

"It feels like…," you raked your mind in search for the appropriate words, "...like your entire body is on fire, and you need the touch of the other person to quench your thirst. Like, just for a few moments, you want to shut your mind, and let your body think for you."

Bucky nodded slowly as you finished, "But what if you feel that in your heart? And not for your body?"

You squint your eyes at his question, "What do you mean Bucky?"

He placed his head in his hands, "I just… I don't feel like that with anyone. I mean, I don't want to have sex. Trust me I have tried everything. Literally everything. Still I don't feel aroused… I am broken, aren't I? Because this is abnormal, right? No matter how hard I try I will never be normal."

Your heart shattered at his words. You had heard about his horrid nightmares, but to think that he was struggling to accept himself, thinking that he was broken, even when he had so much love to give, was depressing. You could not just stand by and watch.

Gently, you placed a hand on his shoulder, "Bucky, look at me." When he didn't comply, you urged him, "Bucky, you are not broken. It is completely normal to not have any sexual desires."

"No it's not," he scoffed.

"Yes it is," you coerced him, "Do you know what is asexuality? It is the complete absence of sexual desires. Many people-"

He interrupted you, "There is no such thing. You are making this up."

"I am not," you replied indignantly, "Research indicates that more than 1% of the American population is asexual. Also, experts believe that more people might be asexuals because they think that they "haven't found the right person yet"," you ended with air quotes.

With no reaction from him, you sighed and got up, "Do yourself a favour. Use the internet and learn about asexuality. It will help put your mind at ease." You left after giving that piece of advice.

Bucky stayed in the same position for a few moments after your departure. He nibbled on a macaron as he considered the movie playing in front of him. Unable to focus, he promptly shut it all and carried the box to his bed. The macarons disappeared into his mouth as he tossed and turned, feeling restless. 

There was no way asexuality was a thing. If it was, then how come there were no movies, tv shows or even advertisements on asexuality? That's because it wasn't normal, right? Maybe you had just lied to him to make him feel better? Maybe you took pity on him?

He looked at his phone on the table near the tv set, your final words repeating in his head in a loop. The combination of tiredness and laziness encouraged him to take your advice in the morning.

🏳️‍🌈

You didn't see Bucky for 3 days after your fateful encounter with him. The fact that you still had your job at the Avengers Tower meant that he hadn't filed a complaint yet with the HR. And for that you were grateful. Friday came and you found yourself working late, again. It was around 10pm and you were still in your lab, almost done with the work. That's when you heard the small swoosh of the lab doors opening and closing.

You looked up from your table, and found Bucky staring intently at you with his blue eyes. He cleared his throat and tentatively took a step towards you. "You were right," he said slowly, "I researched online, read a few articles and spoke with the in-house therapist. I am an," he took a deep breath, "an asexual."

You closed your laptop and smiled at his confession, "How are you feeling now?"

"Honestly? A little bit better. I feel somewhat free," he admitted while gripping the white bag in his hand a little bit tighter.

"That's great! I am so proud of the progress you have made," you beamed at him, but sensed his hesitance as you neared him.

"What's wrong?" you gently inquired.

"You are… not… I mean… by any chance… asexual?" he winced at his own question.

You chuckled lightly, "No I am not."

"Ahh, then it's okay," he murmured and turned as if to leave.

You stopped him by placing a hand on his firm bicep, "What's going on?"

He shifted on his feet, visibly uncomfortable and anxious, "I was just… no nevermind it's stupid."

"Bucky," you said his name in a stern voice.

He sighed again, "I thought… I mean I owe you a movie because… of that night… and so… you know… would you like to watch it? The movie? But why would you? You deserve better… you are not an asexual. You are normal. Why would you want to go on a date with me?" he finally ended his mumbling.

You looked at him with squinted eyes, trying to decipher what he had muttered. "Did you just say you would like to go on a date with me? But it was stupid because you are an asexual and I am normal?" you blinked as he nodded.

"Who told you that you are not normal?" you asked him, a little irritated, "Bucky look at me." This time he complied, "You. Are. Normal. As normal as me, as the other Avengers or as anybody else in the world. Do not, for even one goddamn second, think that there's something wrong with you because there isn't. Are you listening to me? Am I clear?" you wagged your forefinger at him.

Amused at your outburst, he nodded with a sheepish grin. Clearing his throat, he asked you again, "Would you like to watch a movie with me tomorrow? As a date?"

You placed your hands on your waist, "Yes."

His grin widened as he asked you the next question, "Still mad at me?"

"Uh-huh."

"Maybe these cupcakes will help," he shyly held up the white bag in front of you, "I made sure they were cupcakes," he added with a smirk.

You graciously accepted the bag, "Cupcakes will always help."

"Great! It's a date then. Tomorrow… at 4pm? My apartment?" Bucky suggested.

You agreed, and he left with a goodbye. As soon as he was out of sight, you opened the box, expecting to see the usual cupcakes inside. Instead, you found that the sweet treats were decorated with cute messages such as "U R Cute" , "Be Mine?" , "So Sweet" and so on. Feeling mushy at his adorable gesture, you bit into the sweet treat as you headed back to your apartment.

The next day, you made sure to wear a purple dress, complete with black, grey and white accessories - the colours of the asexual flag. Bucky beamed at you as he welcomed you into his apartment. He had made a snack mix from popcorn, crispy pretzels, chips and nachos, the perfect accompaniment to any movie according to him, and you couldn't agree more.

The pair of you watched The Notebook in silence, except for a few sobs and sniffs here and there and the straight up bawling during the emotional parts of the movie.

After a while, the film ended but your date continued. The two of you talked about everything, right from the meaningful discussions about the government policies to random questions like "which mythical creature would you be and why?"

Soon, it was time for you to head back to your apartment. Bucky offered to walk you and you happily agreed. But before you left, he asked you nervously, "Would you like to have a second date?"

"I would love to," you beamed, "Which movie should we watch the next time?"

He ran his hand in his somewhat disheveled hair, "Uhh… I actually made a date jar. Wait, I will get it."

He brought over a glass jar, filled with tiny bits of folded paper, "I thought we could have dates that start from each English alphabet. We can pick and choose at random from the jar."

Tears pricked the corner of your eyes again at his thoughtful and romantic gesture. You gingerly picked one note from the jar, excited for the adventure that awaited the two of you.

🏳️‍🌈

It took more than 2 years for the pair of you to finish every date in the date jar, except for one. Whether it was jet-skiing in the ocean, taking classes for flamenco dance, him teaching you self-defense or going on a wildlife safari together, you and Bucky finally got through it all. Only the letter "P" was now left.

In these 2 years, any distance between the two of you had practically vanished. Bucky was comfortable in removing his bionic arm in front of you. Moreover, he had started sharing everything with you. Right from his darkest and disturbing nightmares to a pretty butterfly that he may have seen during his missions, Bucky made it a point to ensure that you were a part of his life, and you had absolutely no complaints.

The two of you had also discussed about your sexual desires, and Bucky had been comfortable with you using your sex toys as and when you wished.

Bucky was the perfect boyfriend anybody could ask for. He was considerate, thoughtful, a hardcore feminist and gave the best foot-rubs in the world. And so you were nervous. Nervous because the two of you had never actually sat down to talk about the nature of your relationship. And as the day of the last date loomed nearer, your anxiety increased. At first, you thought of making a second date jar, but he had quickly dismissed the idea, stating that he would be caught up with multiple things after the last date ended.

As you sat in the car that Bucky had sent for you, your apprehension grew. Bucky always picked you up, however this time, he had asked you to come alone in the car. Maybe he wanted to break up with you?

By the time you reached the park it was pitch black. You were sure Bucky had paid the guards to keep the gates of the park open just for you.

As soon as you entered, you saw the pathway lined with 25 lamp posts, leading you towards a breathtaking archway decorated with fairy lights and your favourite flowers.

On every lamp post, a photograph of the two of you - which were taken on your dates - was stuck along with a note. The notes described how he fell in love with you over and over again on every single date. Your progress was slow, as read each of his meticulously written words with tears in your eyes. You collected all of his notes and the photographs, and finally headed towards the lit archway.

When you entered it, the instrumental notes of the song "All of Me" by John Legend reached your ears.

You walked ahead and reached a bend. Upon crossing it, you were showered with rose petals as the live music grew louder. And at the end of the archway, your boyfriend, James Buchanan Barnes, was standing in a tuxedo, looking as sinfully good as the forbidden fruit. The entire area around him was lit with soft fairy lights that cascaded gracefully between tall lamp posts. Even on the ground, small wooden lamps illuminated the grass across the area. A live band was playing the music and your Bucky was standing with the most gorgeous bouquet of red roses that you had ever seen.

Your vision turned blurry as you started crying, and looking at your tears, he started sobbing as well. "No no no I can't cry now," he managed to say between his sobs while giving you his handkerchief, "I have to do this."

He got down on one knee and took your hand in his. You both laughed as you started crying harder. He took a deep breath and said your name, "These 2 years have been the most magical years of my life. You have accepted me as who I am, what I am, and never once tried to change me or make fun of me for it. I never thought I would be treated with the amount of respect that-" he started crying, unable to finish his sentence.

You sat beside him and handed him your kerchief. "Yes," you said with a tear-stained smile.

"Let me ask you first!" he exclaimed between his sobs.

You laughed and wiped your snot as he cleared his throat, "I love you so much. You are the only one I want to-" he started crying again.

"Yes!" you answered his unsaid question.

"I haven't asked you yet!" he exclaimed again as the two of you giggled between your sobs.

"Okay c'mon Bucky you can do this," he muttered to himself as you beamed at him. "Okay," he looked into your eyes and whispered your name, "Will you do me the honour of marrying me and becoming my wife?"

You choked up at finally hearing the words. Rendered speechless, you could only nod as fresh tears escaped your eyes.

"You have to say yes!" he almost shouted with excitement.

"Yes! Yes! Yes!!" you matched his enthusiasm as he slipped a ring onto your finger. His large arms then engulfed you in a bear hug, wrapping you in a safe and secure space for eternity to come.

Permanent tag: @donutloverxo @notyourtypicalrose @just-one-ordinary-fangirl

Bucky taglist: @loustan90

Taglist open! Just comment, send an ask or message!

Sex related rant incoming (I don't write about the subject much, so if that makes u uncomfortable compared to my normal diary content skip this post) :

I honestly don't find myself sexually attracted to other people very often. It's not as if I'm asexual, though. I would say I have been sexually attracted to maybe "handfuls" of people in my life. Usually, I become sexually attracted to someone if I fall in love with them. There are few times that I have felt sexual energy with another person (that wasn't one sided on their end), and when this happens sometimes I begin to idealize the person. I create an image of them that makes them appear important, just because I'm sexually attracted to them. In my head, if it is possible for me to find them sexually attractive, it must mean that person is special.

Sometimes I feel like the low occurance I have of sexual feelings towards other people is because I'm too shallow somehow. When it comes to porn, I exclusively look at hentai (anime porn). I am pretty picky about what hentai I want to look at. I prioritize the looks of the women in hentai. When it comes to men, I prefer hentai with a regular looking protagonist. Usually a young man, but 18+. I don't really care what the man/men look like for the most part, but I don't like "ugly bastard" types. I don't like hentai that gets too rapey. I DO enjoy seduction, though. I don't mind seeing both male and female characters be charmed by someone, but I don't want to see anything forced. I strongly favor a specific body type in women in hentai. I like to see women with well-endowed hourglass figures with more preference for the tits being large than the ass. Ass can be whatever size, but I am only really interested in seeing unrealistically large boobs. I myself got implants in the largest size I could fit because I thought that look was so attractive. Even though I like boobs large, I still don't really want to look at hentai that has comically outrageous proportions. I like hentai, but I'm not really into "silly" cartoon art styles. I like the milf stereotype, so I'm into women with a mature demeanor. They don't always have to be older, but obviously at least 18. I'm more likely to look at hentai with mother aged women in it than 18 year old women though. Overall I think most hentai I look at is pretty vanilla but I like group stuff with all genders and sexualities, public sex stuff, and sometimes I do look at fantasy with monsters. I only really look at fantasy hentai that uses humanoid or nonexistent creatures, I am not interested in shit with animals. I like hentai in manga format, but for videos I usually look at cgi or partially cgi 2d stuff. I'm picky about art style. I sometimes take a long time looking for a decent video to watch because I am looking for pretty much 1 specific body type on the woman and I also only watch when the animation quality is pretty high. I like hentai game gallery animations, but I don't really bother with eroge games that have no motion in the sex scenes. My biggest kink is adult breastfeeding, especially group sex where there are a lot of scenes with both of the woman's nipples being sucked. I think I masturbate to hentai maybe 5 times a week tops and usually my husband and I have sex once or twice a week.

That pretty sums up my taste in porn, but I do not have all the same interests for real sex. I would never fuck a monster lmao. Looking at hentai characters drink breast milk is hot, but I would never drink human breast milk in real life. I do have a kink in real life for breast sucking, though. I also like group sex in real life, but I don't often have sexual feelings for multiple people at once. And even then, I can't always see things working in a group with those people. I am poly, but right now only have one partner and that's my husband. I don't even have any friends I would feel comfortable asking to just play around together and have them suck my tits. I feel like I might enjoy that, but I don't feel the attraction or sense of intimacy to ask for that from anyone I currently know. I also sort of avoid getting casual about sex with people very often because I don't want to risk stds.

The people I am sexually attracted to in real life do not usually look like the women I look at in hentai. I do not see much of a pattern in the body types of men or women I date. I generally don't date people who are considerably obese, but I don't care if someone is overweight. Most people I have dated were in average shape, average weight. I am overweight myself, but I am built with a pretty flattering shape. Most people I have dated look pretty similar to me in how they evenly carry weight. I have liked pixie skinny people, and my husband has more like a bear body. I have had exes with mom bods, which is basically what I have now. With the boobs, I don't care about the size on other women. I like both "boyish" women and super feminine women. I can pretty much say the same for men. In hentai I do like twink-like men, but in real life I am just as likely to like a thin man as I am a thick one. Usually it seems my sexual attraction centers around how I connect to a person emotionally or through personality so I guess I don't prioritize physical qualities that much in real life sexual partners.

Maybe watching hentai has made me only be able to feel initial sexual attraction to fantasy...maybe I was always this way. Idk. I honestly feel like people find out what kind of porn I watch though and assume I reject them because I am shallow. If you look at most people I have dated in the past I don't think that is what shows tho. Oh well just high horny ranting owo

Face Heel Turn || Morgan & Ben

TIMING: Current

LOCATION: UMWC

PARTIES: @professorbcampbell & @mor-beck-more-problems

SUMMARY: Morgan and Ben face an unpleasant problem on campus and make a run for their lives.

(art credit @professorbcampbell)

With a sigh, Ben removed his glasses and slipped them into the soft travel case that he then tucked away into his attache case. Meetings. While he was sure that many of his colleagues despised such events, Ben had always thrived in them. There was nothing quite like watching the interdepartmental politics at work and he enjoyed giving the invisible strings that wrapped around his peers a gentle nudge from time to time. One of the other professors approached him, asking if he wanted to go for drinks with the others. “Ah, no thank you,” He said with a polite shake of his head, “I was hoping to talk to David- chair duties and all.” Ben gave a regretful smile before stepping to the side. To his great annoyance, Ben caught sight of David making a quick exit from the room, escaping one Morgan Beck. Of course it was her. She was the mousy looking thorn in his otherwise pristine working life. “Morgan!” He said with a hearty smile, “Wonderful to see you.”

Morgan didn’t need to have real magic to work her will. Lots of pagans didn’t have a mainline to the universe and did just fine. She could too. She could. And if her will was getting a real contract with real responsibilities, something worthy of settling into for a few years, maybe until she stopped being able to convince people about her age, then she would take any opportunity the universe presented to her to make it happen. Sometimes that opportunity was cornering the dean of the liberal arts and social sciences college after a meeting.

Unfortunately, the dean wasn’t having any of it.

“Not now,” he mumbled, sliding past her.

“I just noticed three deceased faculty from my department in the obituaries, sir, and rather than waste university resources looking across the country, it be to everyone’s credit to promote from within and--”

“Not now, girl.” He shook his head. “Building codes.”

It took Morgan several seconds to process what she’d heard, and another to decide that, no, she was not going to respond politely. But that time was more than enough for the dean to get away. Worse, it was time enough for Ben Campbell to get in her way. She fought herself not to sneer openly at him. “Hi, Ben,” she managed, her cheer thin and shrill. “Great seminar today, right? Just love those PD review sessions. Keeps it fresh!” She shouldered him out of her way, scampering out the room and toward the dean’s office as she said, “Woops! So sorry, Ben. But I really need to catch David for something.” And maybe consider reversing her new policy on violence. “So sorry! Tootles!” Surely, she thought, Ben would hate her enough to not try and follow.

It had been amusing, at the very least, to see the Dean completely brush of Beck. Ben didn’t let any emotion show on his face, pretending instead to be focused on trying to see where David went. But on the inside, he couldn’t help the smug, triumphant gloating wash over him. Served her right, for getting ideas beyond her position. She should keep her nose down, like any good adjunct would. Work hard, don’t bother people who clearly couldn’t give a shit about you, and make relationships. And the only relationships she’d made, as far as Ben could tell, were negative ones. Pathetic. “Oh yes, PD review, absolutely riveting.” He said with a good natured nod. Grunting as she shouldered him with more force than he would have expected out of such a tiny woman, Ben’s eyes followed her as she headed for the door. “Ah, you’re trying to talk to David as well? Wonderful, so am I. Co-chair duties. Quite a lot of work, but at the end of the day, it’s all worth it.” Ben said with a warm smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “What,” Exactly, “are you asking him about?”

Politeness kept Morgan from sprinting down the hall to the dean’s office, but determination kept her pace brisk and steady. “Oh, co-chair duties, of course. I bet you have lots to discuss and get approved. But so much of our paperwork is digital, right? I’m sure David would appreciate it so much more if you sent him a solid email with bullet points.” She walked a little faster. “I just need a few minutes with him alone to make a proposal for the english department. Plans for next semester, staffing, the usual problems this university seems to be facing. I’m sure you’ve got a hot date or somewhere else you’d rather be.” She skidded to the door and grabbed the handle. “But it was so nice running into you!” If she said it loud enough, he’d get the idea and leave, right?

Eyes narrowing as Morgan moved past him, Ben sucked in a breath and forced his face into a smile. Walking after her, his own long strides more than keeping up with her shorter ones, Ben shook his head. “I wish it was so simple. We’re meeting about recruitment for the prospective graduate students to the college. I need to hammer out some of the finer details with him that an email simply wouldn’t cover.” He said with a long suffering sigh. As Morgan explained what she was going after, Ben’s eyebrow arched. What exactly was Bitchy Beck up to? Staffing… they’d had quite a few deaths in the department-- nothing related to him, of course. But there had been some unexpected openings. With a laugh, Ben shook his head, “No dates for me, I’m a bit too busy for that.” As she pulled open the door, he followed quickly behind her. There was no way he was letting Morgan monopolize David’s time. “I’m sure Dave can pencil both of us in.”

“Aw, no someone special?” Morgan said, barely bothering to put on a guise of sympathy on her words. “That’s so sad. You should really do something about that, Ben. I mean, unless you’re aro in which case, friend dates are still a thing! In a place like this, you could die alone tomorrow.” And sometimes she wished he would. “And that would just be kinda sad and tragic, right?” She twisted the handle and swung open the door onto the dean, or who she thought was the dean, fumbling to open the window, not realizing it was sealed. This would have been enough to make her freeze in the doorway on its own, but by the desk, another dean writhed on the floor and clawed at the smooth fleshy plane that was once his face. The secretary was next to him, the skin around her sealed, lipless mouth already turning blue.

“Uh…” Morgan edged back until she stepped on Ben’s toes.

The dean who was not the dean whipped his head around to look at them. He opened his mouth.

The corner of his lips quirking with barely concealed irritation, Ben hurried after the woman. How could such a tiny thing be so quick? “No, no, not aromantic. Or asexual. I’m a very average American man, just with a busier than average work schedule. But, I might try to see someone, who knows.” He said, remembering that the Nichol’s woman had mentioned knowing Beck when she’d dropped by for that post lecture disaster. Just as he was about to mention that he was very interested in getting to know Erin better and, oh, did she happen to know her? What a coincidence, what a wonderful coincidence indeed--Morgan had already pulled open the door to the dean’s office without even the slightest decency to knock. And he was startled to see a pair of bodies writhing on the floor, their faces smooth, fleshy masks.

“Good Lord!” Ben swore, raising his arms instinctively to defend himself as the decidedly not-dean stood and screamed at them. The human lips split like seams and Ben could have sworn he saw circular rows of teeth lining the thing’s throat as it bellowed. His hands clasped over his ears at the harsh shriek and he stumbled backwards, not in fear but in pain. He’d seen demons do far worse than this, he’d done far worse than this himself. But, he was only human, after all. And without a weapon at his disposal, he could hardly do anything to protect himself. And, as irritating as Beck was, it wouldn’t do to explain how she’d been murdered as well. “Let’s get out of here!” He said, grabbing her by the shoulder and tugging her to the door as the dean moved with jerky, alien movements across the office towards them.

Several things happened at once before Morgan’s eyes: a very bright dangerous-looking something spewed out of Not-the-dean’s mouth and landed on the door next to her head, Ben pulled her away, and her confusion and panic erupted into a scream. She didn’t fight Ben. Not-the-dean had leapt to an open chair, landing on all fours and his toothy, four lipped mouth spread open again.

She started to run with Ben, but from the galloping thumps behind them, she could tell it was gaining. “Fucking fuck,” she hissed. She pulled back on Ben’s arm and made a sharp turn down the nearest hall. “You’re too slow!” Then again, so were her pumps. Morgan stopped long enough to kick them off, which so happened to be enough time for Not-the-dean to come bounding down the hall. He stopped just shy of the turn Morgan made and swiveled his head.

“If I carry you, are you gonna be a baby about it?” She asked.

The dean leapt for them, apparently determined. No time to find out. “Hold on tight, spider monkey,” she said. Then she swept her arm under his legs and went off with him.

The way the imposter’s face opened into a disgusting, peeling-apart mouth was enough to convince Ben that they needed to go post-haste, immediately, now. Scrambling out of the room, he sprinted down the hallway as quickly as he could and was startled to see Morgan was keeping pace with him? What? How could she possibly do that-- he wasn’t that old. But this tiny little thing was running alongside him, barely even winded from the effort. Turning an unexpectedly tight corner, the combination of his momentum and his considerable frame had him smacking into the side of the wall. Meanwhile, he could hear the loping sound of the creature echoing behind them.

“Carry me? I’m nearly 200--” Ben started but before he could finish his sentence, Morgan had already grabbed hold of him and was lifting him off the ground. And then, she began to run. Instinctively, Ben clung to her shoulders tightly, not wanting to fall off the woman’s thin frame. Gritting his teeth in irritation, he muttered, “Twilight? Really?” under his breath as Morgan sprinted his way through the hallways. As thoroughly emasculating as it was, to be packmuled out of danger by Beck of all people, there was a silver lining. Morgan had revealed herself to him. She was distinctly not human-- what breed of that, he had no idea-- but she was… unfortunately, a part of the true world.

Morgan managed to laugh wryly as she ran. “Got a problem with that, Bella?” Just a few more feet. It would be easier out in the open, right? Not-the-Dean thundered behind them, galloping the way no person should be able to. The air hissed, and Morgan heard something sizzling on her back and bubbling splatter on the wall beside her.

“Was that acid?” She wasn’t sure why she was alarmed. It wouldn’t do anything to her that couldn’t immediately be undone. But who liked getting acid thrown at them anyway? And there was still Ben in her arms, even if wiping away his face might be an improvement to his character. “Maybe duck your head!” They were almost out the hall. “And brace for impact!” If he was so tough, he shouldn’t mind her blasting through the double doors. Once outside they could split up, or double back and have it lose their trail that way.

Morgan barreled through the doors and into the purple evening, still running, until she crashed into the bike rack and fell over, dropping Ben and sprawling onto the ground.

“Yes.” Ben grunted emphatically, as he was jostled on the woman’s back rather roughly as they ran through the corridors. What the ever loving fuck was happening? What the hell was Morgan? Definitively not human, not human in the slightest. Unless she was moonlighting as some kind of bodybuilder or pro wrestler or something, but that seemed doubtful. But, he couldn’t dwell on this for very long as something hot, wet, and bubbling splashed against the wall next to them. Chancing a glance over, his face went pale as he saw bits of exposed concrete peeking through spots where acid had already begun to chew through the structure.

“Acid. Yes, yes, that was acid-- run faster, Beck!” He yelled, holding on tightly to the small woman’s shoulders. Twisting his head, he watched as the thing behind them was still hot in pursuit, barrelling after them on all fours. “What?” He asked, before turning back just in time to duck, though the crossbar of the door still caught the back of his head. He was seeing stars as Morgan barrelled out into the quad and spilled out on the ground when she slammed into the bike rack. Stunned, barely able to see, and head splitting with pain, Ben blindly scrambled backwards, wanting to put as much distance between him and the creature as possible.

For one terrible second, Morgan stayed on the ground. Too fast and she might be seen, identified for what she was, or else frighten Ben into telling enough people about her that she found herself hunted in her office one day. Too slow and it wouldn’t matter because Not-the-Dean and his acid was going to eat her. Ben was already moving beside her, getting up and far the fuck away. That was as good enough of a cue as any. Morgan jumped to her feet and kept running, past Ben and toward the nearest building. As she passed him she called, “You’re welcome! Don’t die!” Then she kept running, into the music building, then architecture, in and out praying that just this once the universe would bend her way and that she hadn’t been seen and she wasn’t a good enough target to be worth pursuing anyway. When she finally made it inside her car, she let herself take a beat and scan the horizon for signs of...whatever the hell she’d just seen. But it could look like anything, couldn’t it? One of the teenagers ambling toward the parking lot, the janitor pushing their cart into the next building, the MBAs strolling out in their suits. And she hadn’t even looked back, had she? Was Ben still alive? And what about the students, playing frisbee in the sunset and coming in for their late night classes and-- Morgan let her head hit the steering wheel and sighed. Too late to tie up loose ends now. She needed to go home, be grateful, and not think too hard about how bad she didn’t feel about Ben Campbell maybe losing his face.

Blinking the spots from his vision, Ben picked himself up to run from the creature that was still pursuing them-- him, he realized. Because as he was turning to dash away, he watched as Morgan scrambled past him, shouting such incredibly insightful advice as she left. Bitchy fucking Beck was going to leave him to die-- or worse, have his face ripped off and masqueraded around on some disgusting creature. “Lord!” He swore as he ran across the quad, his tie whipping behind him as he sprinted away. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Yanking open the nearest building’s door, he fumbled to pull his lanyard from his pocket, his staff keycard in hand. The top floors here were barred to relevant staff and he had access, he could go up there. Running towards the staircase, Ben chanced a glance behind him and saw that the creature had shoved open the doors of the building. A fresh spray of acid was shot his direction and he let out a yelp before slipping into the staircase.

Taking the steps three at a time, Ben hurried up the spiraling staircase and waved his keycard frantically at the heavy metal door. Green lights flashed over the electronic lock and he threw himself inside, slamming the door behind him. Sore, tired, and breathing hard, Ben slumped against the door and listened for the creature. He could hear it tearing through the stairwell, screeching and raging as it ran. But, it didn’t seem to know where he was. And he was fine with that. As the monster’s screeches faded, Ben was at last able to relax and reflect on just what exactly had happened. His mind was putting together all the pieces, forming a very hazy, very concerning picture.

About three things, Ben was absolutely positive. First, Morgan wasn’t human. Second, there was a part of her, and he wasn’t sure how large this part of her was, that was fine with him being dead. And third, he unconditionally, irrevocably hated her.

Under 10,000 Words Pt 2

I promised (quite a while ago) and I’m finally delivering... more fics between 2k and 10k words! Same as last time, they are organised by word count for your browsing pleasure.

Walk Through Fire For You by purple_charlie on AO3. (2,335 words).

Tags: John Winchester’s A+ Parenting, Angst, Pride, Marijuana Use, Polyamory, Gay Cas, Bisexual Dean, Bisexual Gabriel, Everyone is Queer.

My Rating: 4 stars.

Description: Boyfriend. The word still feels foreign in Dean’s mouth, still brings back echoes of John Winchester’s thinly-veiled (if even that) homophobia. “Man up, don’t be a sissy, I didn’t raise a fairy”. It’s a swollen blister in the back of Dean’s mind, throbbing with pain whenever a stranger’s eyes linger too long on Cas’ hand in his, whenever a waitress double-takes at how close they sit in diner booths. But here, dirty dancing with Cas in a warehouse full of other queer folks, Dean wants to shout from the rooftops- I’m Dean Winchester, I drive the baddest car in town, I lift heavy things for a living, and this is my boyfriend.

Notes: This was so sweet it nearly made me start crying - Cas deserved to be told that he was loved!

Boneless Wings by PallasPerilous on AO3. (4,333 words).

Tags: Crack, Wingfic, Domestic Fluff, Canon Compliant, Angel Castiel, Suburbia.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: For those of you perving along at home, Dean could absolutely provide a list of the hundred or so ways that having a boyfriend with giant fucking actual wings is super hot and/or awesome. This is not that list.

Notes: The art is gorgeous and this is such a brilliant parody of so many wing fics out there, I loved it!

Stories Are Made Of Mistakes by wildhoneypie on AO3. (4,942 words).

Tags: Human Castiel, Diners, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Bisexual Dean, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, Slow Build, Case Fic, Domestic, Didn’t Know They Were Dating. My Rating: 4 stars. Description: In which Cas is human and doesn’t understand basic concepts like: clothing, Mythbusters, moisturizer, and Greek food. Dean is…Dean and doesn’t understand basic concepts like: boyfriends, language, how to tell your friend that he’s a walking miracle, and when not to quip. Notes: This was so cute and I live for human Cas. I also love the recurring ‘no fucking quipping’ joke in this, although the idea of Cas swearing broke me a bit!

The Cry of Elisha After Elijah by intothesilentland on AO3. (5,844 words).

Tags: Episode Fix-It: s15e20 Carry On, Post-Episode: s15e20 Carry On, First Kiss, Reunion, Canon Compliant, Heaven.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: The kicker is, Dean had been trying to live. Really live. And not bite out in anger at the fraying of his heart: Cas, gone, Jack, gone—all that was left was him and his brother, and Dean had been trying to live, in spite, in light of that. In a world like the unsteady first steps of a child, apprehensive arms and hands cradling the air around them, ready for a slip, excited for a step, Dean had been trying to walk forward, too. Though every step had meant every pain. Upon his death, and arrival in heaven, Dean sets out to find the angel. He has to tell him. Cas has to know.

Notes: That poem at the start was really moving in this context, and the dialogue was so weirdly in character that everything was so real. It was definitely written better than the actual ending.

My Own Little World by tale_to_tell on AO3. (6,858 words).

Tags: Hurt Dean, Protective Castiel, Meet-Cute, Fluff, Pining, Coffee Shops, Implied Domestic Violence, Abusive Alistair, Abusive Relationships, First Kiss, Human Castiel, Protective Sam Winchester, Dean Has Self-Worth Issues, POV Castiel, Love Confessions, Implied Sexual Content, Light Angst, Happy Ending.

My Rating: 4 stars.

Description: Castiel stumbles into a local café in order to avoid the rain, and during the process he meets a very attractive barista by the name of Dean Winchester. It doesn’t take long for Castiel to fall in love with Dean’s wit and charm.Too bad that Dean has a boyfriend.

Notes: This was fairly sweet, and I was not expecting the Sabriel content (always read the tags, folks). Also, return of Alistair being an asshole! I would have forgot he existed if he didn’t keep popping up in these fics.

broken when I’m lonesome by SailorChibi on AO3. (7,015 words).

Tags: Asexual Castiel, Demisexual Dean, Panromantic Castiel, Biromantic Dean, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, PTSD, Dean Has Self-Esteem Issues, Dean Has a Sexuality Crisis, Angst, Fluff, Touch-Starved, Comfort, Platonic Cuddling, Castiel is Not Oblivious, comments that could be taken as ace-phobic.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: After being saved from hell, Dean’s old methods of coping aren’t working anymore: he’s not sexually attracted to anyone, and he’s not interested in sex no matter how many times he climbs into bed with hot, naked women. Sam is convinced that his brother is just depressed, but Dean knows this goes deeper than that. He still craves the intimacy that can make him feel safe. Fortunately, Castiel is there to both understand and provide.

Notes: This fic really hit home. I’m not sure if it is because almost every person I have ever talked to has had some form of this conversation, but it was still cute.

Lost and Found by whelvenwings on AO3. (7,762 words).

Tags: Writer Castiel, Mechanic Dean, Demisexual Castiel.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: “Chuck Shurley? Sure, I’ve read his books. Kinda Vonnegut, but like, Kilgore-Trout Vonnegut, you know?” Dean took another gulp of his whisky, and smacked his lips like an adult. The guy sitting beside him at the bar, however, did not look suitably impressed. In fact, he was staring down into the bubbles of his cider, not even noticing the way that Dean was smiling at him, giving him the eyes. “I thought his stuff was pretty good, in a kinda metamodern way,” Dean added airily, and a little more loudly. The guy only nodded gloomily. Dean almost clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth in frustration. C’mon, dude, I’m trying to impress you. Twenty minutes of talking and all Dean had to show for it was a weird first name, a series of dour stares and the strangest need to know more about this – Castiel.

Notes: This was written so well that I wanted to cry at Cas’ story of the stars, even though it wasn’t particularly sad. Now I want to go and stargaze with someone.

Say Yes by MaggieMaybe160 on AO3. (7,996 words).

Tags: Episode s5e4 The End, Established Relationship, Secret Relationship, Drug Use, Fluff and Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon Divergence, POV Alternating, Love Triangles, Idiots in Love, Wedding Rings, Chronic Pain.

My Rating: 4 stars.

Description: Endverse!Dean's life is going pretty well with Endverse!Cas until Dean's past self shows up.A look at the episode "The End" from Season 5 from Endverse!Dean's point of view.

Notes: Quite cute, almost entirely canon compliant, and the ending gave me chills.

Carry On by Castielslostwings on AO3. (8,039 words).

Tags: Coda, Episode Fix-It: s15e20 Carry On, Heaven, Castiel Deserves Better, Love Confessions, First Kiss, First Time, Reunions, Explicit Sexual Content.

My Ratings: 5 stars.

Description: “I think I’ll go for a drive.” This is what happened between that moment, and Dean meeting Sam on that bridge.

Notes: This was written beautifully and was genuinely the ending that Dean and Cas deserved.

Unknown Quantities by xylodemon on AO3. (8,570 words).

Tags: Future Fic, Getting Together, Didn’t Know They Were Dating, Human Castiel, Bottom Dean, Angst and Humour, First Time.

My Rating: 4 stars.

Description: No one ever tells Dean anything.(or: Dean Winchester and the not-relationship crisis of 2014)

Notes: There’s more smut in this than I expected, but Dean is so oblivious that it is really funny.

Bing Crosby’s Pennies From Heaven by twentysomething on AO3. (9,613 words).

Tags: Castiel, Dean Winchester, Gabriel, Sam Winchester, Bobby Singer, Death.

My Rating: 4 stars.

Description: Sam always asks inappropriate, poorly-timed questions, so what comes out of his mouth doesn’t exactly surprise himself. “Where were you?”

Notes: This was brilliant - the little gifts that Gabe left for Sam were adorable, and I burst out laughing at the image of trying to get Bobby’s wheelchair on top of a toilet.

So there we are! I hope you enjoy these slightly shorter fics, and hopefully there will be another load of fic recs for next week!

All the Many Shades of Gerry - Chapter 14

Chapters: 14/19

Fandom: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Gerard Keay/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Martin Blackwood/Gerard Keay, Martin Blackwood/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist

Characters: Martin Blackwood, Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay, Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives), Sasha James, Gertrude Robinson, Elias Bouchard

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Library AU, Librarian Jon, Artist Gerry, Trans Male Character, Trans Martin Blackwood, Canon Asexual Character, Asexual Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Ace Subtype - Sex Positive, Polyamory, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Romantic Fluff, Falling In Love, Boys in Skirts, Kissing, Demisexual Gerard Keay, Minor Character Death, Past Character Death, Canon-Typical Child Neglect, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Flirting, Minor Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist/Tim Stoker, Adventures in Hair Dying, Happy Ending, Banter, Gerry has a lot of sass, Gerard Keay is Morticia Adams, Jon is a very grumpy Librarian, Martin adores them anyway.

Summary: In which Gerry is a kaleidoscope and Jon and Martin can’t help falling in love with him.

He happens to love them back.

Find it on Ao3

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13]

One night, in the middle of a shift, Gerry gets a pounding migraine and goes to the back to have a cigarette. He knows it won't help, but he smokes it anyway and considers things as he paces the back room.

He's terrible at being sick, and it makes him miserable to be around. Still, the pain makes him ache for his partners, and he can't help picking up the phone to call Jon. It's close to midnight, but Gerry hopes that it won't be the one time Jon has gone to bed at a reasonable hour.

"Hello, Gerard," Jon answers the phone with an ocean of warmth in his voice.

"I miss you." Gerry presses his forehead into the cool window, seeking some sort of relief from the agonizing pressure in his head. He whispers the words like a confession, smokey breath fogging up the glass before him.

"What's wrong my love?" Just Jon's heady, seductive voice provides the emotional support Gerry was seeking, and he wishes he could sink into the words, the feelings behind them, and leave his fracturing body behind for a while.

"Nothing. Not feeling well is all. I just wanted to hear your voice." He sounds pale and washed out, even to himself.

"I'm still at the library, I'll come by and haunt you until your shift is over." Jon makes the offer very casually, although that fussy part of his personality that enjoys mothering Gerry and Martin shines through a bit.

"On a Friday, Jon? You should be home with Martin." He can't help but chuckle at his sweet idiot, even through the pain.

"Martin is out with Sasha and Tim for the evening, remember? I was hoping to stop by and tempt you over to mine tonight anyway." Far from being chastised for his workaholic tendencies, Jon injects all his fond affection into his tone. "Would you be interested in spending the night in a handsome man's bed?"

"Fuck yes. Obviously."

"Oh Gerry, my Gerry." Jon sing-songs into the phone. "Always saying just the right thing to make my heart skip a beat."

Gerry takes a moment to consider his state. He can barely see out of his blurry eyes, and the pounding in his ears makes him feel vaguely underwater. His forceful personality makes it hard for him to admit, but he knows he shouldn't be working like this, and that he'll be much better off with his lover than alone in his own flat.

"I'm going to beg off the rest of my shift, will you come fetch me?" He desperately tries to keep his words easy, but he comes off sounding rather plaintive.

"Yes, Gerry, of course." Jon is frowning audibly now, but he leaves his concern be for the moment. Gerry can hear him moving about, probably packing up his things. "I'm leaving right now, I'll be there soonest. Gerry?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

Gerry squeezes his eyes shut tight. "I love you too, Jon."

*

Jon takes one look at Gerry's drawn, pale face, and calls them a cab.

Gerry doesn't offer even one argument, and a pit of concern opens up in Jon's stomach.

"Do you want to go back to your place, after all?" He asks, sliding his hands up Gerry's arms to rest on his shoulders. "Maybe you'll be more comfortable in your own space."

"No, let's go to yours." Gerry draws their foreheads together, standing out in the cool air of the street. "I like being in your space, with your energy and your things. Besides, how can I resist an invitation to your bed."

"Yes, all the cuddling we've done there must really make your heart skip a beat with lust," Jon responds drily.

"I wouldn't have it any other way," Gerry tells him firmly.

The taxi arrives and they climb in. Gerry is several inches taller than Jon, but he manages to scoot down enough to lie draped over the smaller man. Jon notices with some amusement that Gerry has adopted a rather Saturn-like posture, curled around him like an extremely large cat in the limited space.

They arrive at Jon's building and trudge up the several flights of stairs and through his door. Jon drags Gerry firmly by the hand, worried that without the right forward momentum, he'll lay down on the floor and pass out. Jon, under no misunderstanding about his physical prowess, knows that once his lumberjack-shaped boyfriend goes down, he certainly won't be getting him back up.

They go straight to the en-suite, and Gerry strips down to his briefs, Jon encouraging him to wash his face and half-heartedly brush his teeth. Halfway through, Gerry lets out a startled chuckle.

"What?" Jon asks from nearby, changing by his armoire.

"I own three toothbrushes." He tells him in an airy, disconnected tone. "Don't you think that's kinda silly?"

"No, Gerry, what would be silly was if you only had one and you carried it everywhere you went because you weren't sure whose bed you might end up sleeping in that night." And indeed, the multiple toothbrushes solution had originated from them unexpectedly sleeping over at each other's flats with no planning- and no toothbrushes.

Gerry giggles again, and Jon begins to worry about what kind of bizarre migraine he might have. Having suffered through a fair few in his life, he is more used to them presenting like all-consuming misery than like some kind of weird foggy drug trip. Gerry could be unique that way, though.

"I never thought I would have so many bed options that it might be an issue," Gerry whispers, staring at his reflection in the bathroom mirror.

Changed into his sleep clothes, Jon goes over to stand behind him and wrap an arm around his waist. It's normally a Gerry or Martin posture, since Jon is smaller than them, but there's a different kind of satisfaction in having Gerry relax and settle into him, sighing with something akin to relief.

He looks at their reflection in the mirror and even with Gerry looking haggard, eyes sunken, 5 o'clock shadow coming in, hair thrown haphazardly into a messy bun, Jon can't help the swell of contentment that fills him. How did he, Jon 'walking disaster waiting to happen’ Sims, manage to get this right?

"Then I suppose it's a good thing my bed has been waiting for you all along," Jon eventually responds. "Come on, let's get you into it."

Gerry allows himself to be tucked in, although he refuses food and is only convinced with great reluctance to take two ibuprofen. His eyes remain stubbornly open, but the moment Jon finishes his own nighttime activities and slips into bed with him, Gerry curls around him, and promptly passes out.

*

The next morning, Gerry sleeps far longer than he normally would, even though he went to sleep several hours before his typical bedtime.

When he surfaces, approaching midday, he's groggy and stiff and feels rather hungover. Gerry thinks maybe a hangover would be better- at least then he would have had a good time to compliment his current misery.

Despite that, as he blinks his eyes open, the strains of gentle piano music drift through the flat, and he can't help the smile that spreads across his face. It’s not particularly loud, and Gerry is incredibly soothed by it. In fact, when he says he likes being at Jon’s flat, this is why. He often sits down to play in the softest moments, if Gerry and Martin are around. Any normal, oft-repeated, potentially boring activity could be made delightful and atmospheric if Jon is sitting at the piano.

Jon had once confessed that he vastly preferred playing when one or both of them were around to hear it.

"At least half of the joy of music is in the audience," Jon had confessed quietly to them one day. "And you two are the best audience of all."

Now, as he wakes gently to the sound of his partner making music, Gerry can’t help but feel special and treasured. Never before in his life had he picked up the phone in a crisis with the complete certainty that there would be a loving voice on the other end. He had not even realized he was lacking such reliability until he had come to be able to depend on it, but now that it exists, he shies away from even the thought that he might lose it again.

He takes a moment to consider the current reality of their relationship. He obviously loves them, has always loved Jon, from the moment he growled at Gerry in the literature section of the library when he was seventeen-years-old. Now Martin fits with them both so well, Gerry wouldn’t know how to breathe without him. They’re it for him, he can see that clearly.

He can see it in the way that pain and illness drove him straight to Jon like true north and the way he managed to care for him through it perfectly.

He can see it in the way that Martin never seems to be less affected by finding Gerry in his bookstore, and the way Gerry’s heart feels hot and heavy in his chest every time Martin finds him still and focused and takes a moment to braid his hair in one way or another.

He can even see it in the way he immediately self-destructed when he thought he was going to lose them, pushing every part of his life into immediate turmoil at the thought of being alone again. Family-less. Without his Jon, and his Martin.

And he can see that he’s it for them too, in the way they clung to him to keep him together when he almost sunk the whole thing.

They are, he can see now, as essential to one another as breathing.

Gerry suddenly wishes that this could be the home that they all share. He wishes that every time one of them came home to him, they never had to leave to do laundry or water plants. He wishes, most of all, that this music could fill his house and his heart every morning, and that he would never again have to wake up trying to remember whose bed he was in - because they all shared the same one.

He hopes, desperately, that one day that will be their reality. Maybe not tomorrow, but eventually, he’s confident he can convince he’s partners to stick around for good.

Until then, he’s content to be so loved that he needs three toothbrushes.

*

Gerry thinks maybe he drifts off again, because the next thing he knows, Jon is gently kissing his hand to wake him, a cup of tea in his other.

“Hi,” Jon whispers, sitting down on the bed next to him.

“Hey there,” Gerry offers in return, slowly sitting up and leaning back against the headboard. “How are you today?”

Gerry takes the tea and sips it gratefully, finding it sweet and herbal. Camomile, he thinks, but wouldn’t swear his life on it at that moment.

“How bad could I be?” Jon asks, a mischievous glint in his eye, “I have a beautiful boy in my bed and I think I’ll keep him there all day.”

“Does this stunning nocturnal visitor get a say in the matter or…?” Gerry manages to offer a slightly dimmer version of his flirtatious grin.

“Maybe, if he makes it worth my while.” Jon teases, before sobering a little. “How are you though? You seemed in a pretty bad way last night.”

“I think I’m fine now, I guess it was just a fluke.” Gerry stretches, joints popping.

Jon picks up the tea to take a sip.

“It’s not as good as when Martin makes it.” He mutters to himself, grimacing.

Gerry finishes stretching, rather like a cat again, before shifting up onto his knees to hover slightly above Jon, as is his preference. “Maybe, but it’s still my favourite kind of thing because it's something you made for me.”

Jon reaches up, wrapping a hand around Gerry’s neck and pulling his lips down to meet his own. It’s gentle and dragging, and they tangle together enjoyably for several minutes. Gerry pulls away to kiss Jon’s cheeks, his nose, his forehead. Eventually Jon giggles and pushes him away, handing the tea back over in an effort to distract him.

“Do you want anything to eat?” Jon queries.

“Not just yet. Maybe a shower?”

“That sounds like a good plan. You should take it easy today.” Jon pauses, considering his next suggestion. “And maybe I could convince you to take tonight off from the bar too? Then we can all spend the evening together.”

"Yes, I think I could be tempted to do exactly that."

*

Gerry lingers in the shower, letting the water work out his stiffness and lift the fog hanging pervasively over him.

He washes his hair with Jon's shampoo and hopes the scent will linger on him. He decides not to shave, feeling too loose and lazy to handle any sharp objects.

Jon force-feeds him after, and then he braids Gerry's hair to keep it out his face.

"I can't believe you never braided your hair before you met Martin," Jon says as his fingers move through his hair rhythmically.

Gerry shrugs. "There was never anyone to teach me on myself, and my mother was bald for my entire formative life, so I couldn't learn from her."

Jon hums in acknowledgement.

"Speaking of Martin, where is our errant lover?" Gerry asks buoyantly, bouncing slightly.

Jon laughs at him, "Apparently he was out all night and then crashed on Tim's couch. He's going to come over later when he's managed to disinfect himself."

After, they move back to bed to read their books and rest, basking in the simple comfort of each other's presence, waiting for their third.

fic: like 80/20 on the kinsey scale

Summary: Modern/College AU. Caleb sleeps with Essek and panics about his sexuality. Is he gay? Bi? Straight with exceptions? Beau gets to be his Obi-Gay Kenobi. Jester is there to look hot and paint Caleb’s nails. A story about friendship and identity, mostly.

Ships: Shadowgast, hints of Widomauk, past Caleb/Astrid, hints of Beau/Jester, one line of Jester/Cali, one line of Jester/the Bright Queen

There was a knock on her door. “Beauregard.” Another knock. “Beauregard.” Another knock. “Beaur--”

She slammed the door open. “What, Caleb? It’s--” she beadily looked over at the alarm clock before groaning, her face in her hands. “9:30 in the morning, fuck.”

“Ja, I know. I’ve already gone to my 8 am class. I need your help.”

“Can it wait an hour?” Despite her words, she opened the door wider to let him in, knowing he’d follow her. She made a beeline to the tiny keurig on top of her dorm minifridge and set about making a cup of coffee. “Maybe two?”

“I was nice and let you sleep this long, all things considered. As my closest queer friend who isn’t currently in Japan, you are obligated to help me. Please help me.” He flopped down onto her bed, face down into her pillow, curling around it needfully. “I’m having a full-blown gay panic attack, Beau.”

She rolled her eyes and dug around her and Jester’s things, looking for a coffee cup. She finally pulled one out that wasn’t clean, but wasn’t as disgusting as some of the others. “For the last time, finding Molly hot doesn’t make you gay, it makes you human. His gender is a question mark and shouldn’t be counted. I find Molly hot and I’m a capital L lesbian, so--”

“I slept with Essek last night.” Caleb mumbled into the pillow, his face bright red from what little of it Beau could see.

Essek? Essek Essek Essek--who the fuck was Essek? She’d heard the name before, but she couldn’t place who it was. It did sound masculine, though. Maybe there was a point to Caleb’s panic after all. 

It was only as she went to open the mini-fridge to grab cream for her coffee that she glanced at Jester’s schedule (9 am MWF, Intro to Physics, Kryn/Thelyss, Roshana hall 311) that her eyes widened with realization.

“Hot boy? Hot boy from the group chat?” She screeched, turning to Caleb, her coffee abandoned. “Essek Thelyss, the hot TA you and Jester have been obsessed with all semester? The one in the wheelchair? The one even fucking Reani is talking about now? That Essek Thelyss? You fucked him?”

Caleb nodded, his head still buried in the pillow.

“Oh my god,” Beau jumped in bed with Caleb, tackling him briefly. She then sat up straight, leaning with her back against the wall. “Tell me everything. Wait. Not everything. I don’t want to hear about dicks touching. But everything else is fair game.”

Slowly Caleb grinned at her, coming out from behind the pillow. He checked his phone quickly before he scooched up so Beau wasn’t sitting on his legs anymore, leaning against the wall as well. “I’m glad you are taking this seriously, Beauregard.”

“Cut me some slack, dude, I just woke up,” she yawned to prove her point. “Start at the beginning.”

“I took him up on the tutoring session that he offers--”

“The ones you don’t need?”

“I need them, just--not as much as I pretend to,” Caleb checked his phone again before he rubbed the back of his head. “You are distracting me.”

“Sorry dude.”

“Anyway, I went to tutoring, and then we started talking, about life and not just about physics, and he asked if I wanted to go get a drink, and I thought, you know, Astrid dumped me a year ago, I haven’t dated anyone else ever in my life, I don’t even know if I’m gay, or bi, or straight but appreciative--”

They had spent a long time talking about that, actually--when Molly had been around, he had dragged whoever was nearby and willing to the university’s Gay-Straight Alliance meetings, which usually consisted of the Mighty Nein and one or two other friends, like Cali and Shakaste. Molly was real good at making them talk about gay stuff, like identity and labels and experimenting, stuff like that. It helped that most of them were queer in some way: Fjord and Nott were mostly straight but good allies, Caduecus was asexual, Yasha, Jester, and Molly were all bi, Beau was a big ol’ lesbian, and Caleb?

Caleb was a question mark. He had, in his own words, only ever dated Astrid in his small podunk town in Zemni Fields, and so didn’t really know what label, if any, applied to him. He had admitted to the group that he found some men attractive, and Molly had argued that that was enough to be bi, but Caleb had hesitated.

...Man, she missed Molly. Stupid fucker had to go and move to fucking Japan in an area with shitty internet service, and thus, sometimes felt like he might as well be dead to them.

“--But I thought, one drink wouldn’t hurt, right?” He sat up on the bed, looking at Beau with a mischievous look on his face. “I must confess, we did not end up getting drinks, Beauregard.”

“Oh?” Beau grinned at him. “What did you end up doing instead, Caleb?” she teased.

“We made out in his car for an hour,” Caleb’s face was as red as his hair, but he didn’t seem embarrassed or ashamed. In fact, there was a sort of confident smugness to Caleb as he told his story, like he was proud of his little tryst. “Then he invited me to his apartment, where I had a panic attack in his bathroom. After he managed to get me to calm down, we proceeded to have the best sex of my entire life--”

She held her fist out, which he bumped gingerly.

“And when I woke up in his bed this morning, I had another panic attack, left him a note with my phone number, and snuck out before he got up. Went to my 8 am class, didn’t hear a single word Professor Wacco said all hour, and then I came here,” he pulled his phone out, checking it anxiously. “And he still hasn’t texted me, and I want him to text me, and I don’t know what any of this means, and I need your help.”

“Help me Obi-Gay Kenobi, I’m your only help?”

“I still haven’t seen Star Wars, but I know enough to know that was a reference.”

“We’re gonna have to fix that one day. Alright,” she refocused her legs in the crisscross, reaching over and snatching Caleb’s phone out of his hands. “First things first, you gotta stop checking this. Dude is teaching Jester’s class right now, so he’s probably not on his phone. Hell, he may not have even seen your note yet, depending on how rushed he felt he was in the morning. I know I don’t always notice booty notes until way later, and he might be the same way.”

She put Caleb’s phone in her pocket, which he immediately protested. “Beau--”

“As soon as it vibrates I’ll hand it over dude, but you’ve got to calm down. Let’s figure you out first and then we can figure out Pretty Boy later.”

“Hot boy,” Caleb mumbled, but didn’t argue. 

“Whatever. Second, and I hate asking this because I really want to know nothing about how dudes have sex with each other, but was it like, hand jobs or blow jobs or--”

“His cock was in my ass, Beau,” Ah, the red on his face was from embarrassment, okay. “And it was amazing, and I’ve never come that hard before ever, and I’m re-evaluating my entire life because of it.”

“First off, props to you for bottoming for your first ever gay experience,” she held her fist out again for him to bump, which he did. “As a fellow bottom I’d like to welcome you to our ranks, we are a proud and noble people, etcetera etcetera.”

He put his head in a pillow. “Beauregard.”

“Second, you never do anything half-way, do you? Couldn’t you have, like, I don’t know, watched gay porn for a bit before you decided to try anal with your TA?”

Caleb shook his head. “I don’t like porn. It’s--I find it vulgar. And demeaning towards women. And I’m afraid I’m going to get a computer virus. I’d rather read.” His face was still red, but at least he’d lowered the pillow. 

“Your smut club with Jester.”

“It’s not a smut clu--well, I guess it sort of is because Jester picks out all the books, but it was always meant to be more than smut books!” He held the pillow close to his chest like he might his cat.

Beau ignored him, holding three fingers out in front of his face. “Third, remember what Molly said about how labels are meaningless unless you want them to mean something? That’s still true. You don’t have to be gay or straight or bi unless you want to.”

He turned his head, looking away from Beau and instead at the messy desk/kitchen area of her joint dorm room with Jester. 

“I think I am gay, though,” he said quietly, still not looking at her. “I--I really enjoyed myself last night. If that’s how sex with men usually is then that’s what I want. I don’t want to have sex with women, I don’t think. Not unless it’s the right woman.” He groaned into her pillow, pulling his brown hoodie over his head so that it covered his eyes. “Which makes me bi.”

“It’s the Kinsey scale,” Beau leaned back and grinned. “100 is attracted to men, 0 is attracted to women. Where do you fall?”

“Like, 80/20?” He pulled his hoodie back again. “I loved Astrid, but I feel if what happened with Essek is what sex with men feels like, then my attraction to her was the exception, not the rule.” He groaned and lowered his head again. “But what if Essek is the exception instead? What if I don’t actually like men but I like this man. Sheisse, this is so hard. I never worried about this back in Zemni Fields. Don’t--don’t most people figure this out earlier?”

She squeezed his shoulder in what she hoped was a reassuring manner. “Look, dude, it’s fine. You can be an 80/20 bi. Or you can be a 50/50 bi. Or you can call yourself gay, or queer, or any other label you’d like. And if you end up dating a woman, the gay police aren’t going to show up and take away your licence or anything. That’s not how it works.”

“It’s just confusing, I guess,” he flopped his head back, banging it against the wall slightly. “I always thought I had it figured out, and then it turns out I didn’t. I’m twenty four years old and I’m in graduate school, I should know what I am and what I want already. Most people figure this out when they are teenagers,” he bit his lip hesitantly, as Caleb often did when anxious. “When--when did you realize you liked women, Beau?”

“When I was like, 11. But it doesn’t even matter. So you are a late bloomer? Who gives a shit. This stuff is hard and complicated, and nobody has all the answers. So you just do you, man.”

He smiled at her, sheepishly rubbing the back of his head. “Thanks, Beaur--”

There was a clicking noise at the door, and then Jester was home, swinging the door wide open and letting the sunshine in. “Good morning beautiful! It’s a beautiful morning outside and--oh! You are already awake!” She gasped, throwing her backpack at her desk with little care. “And Caleb’s here too!” She jumped on Beau’s bed, squeezing herself between Beau and Caleb. She wrapped her arms around Caleb with a tight squeeze. “Good morning Caleb!”

“...Good morning, Jester.”

“What are you doing here so early? Is everything okay?”

Before he could answer, Beau jumped in ahead. “Caleb slept with your TA last night and is experiencing his gay awakening.”

Caleb rolled his eyes as Jester gasped. “Thanks for outing me, Beau.”

“Oh shit, I didn’t even think about it, dude, I’m sorry--”

“It’s fine,” he reached over and hugged Jester again. “I did sleep with Essek though.”

“Essek’s gay?” Jester flopped out of Caleb’s embrace into Beau’s lap. Beau started running her fingers through Jester’s hair out of habit. “Of course he is. He has well-manicured nails and a skincare routine. I should have known. Beau, why is my type apparently hot gay men?”

“I don’t know. Maybe you need to date more women, then.”

From where Jester couldn’t see, Caleb wiggled his eyebrows towards Jester and made a scissoring motion with his fingers; Beau threw a pillow at him.

“Maybe you’re right. Last girl I dated was Cali before she transferred. Still, congrats on being gay, Caleb. I always knew you were one of us.” Jester yawned and stretched, curling up like a cat in Beau’s lap. “I need to redo my nails.”

“I need Essek to text me,” Caleb groaned, tossing the pillow back at Beau. “He hasn’t texted, right?”

Beau pulled out the phone to double check, but there were no new messages. “Sorry, bud.”

“If it makes you feel better, he was like, super distracted during class. We ended up getting out early because Professor Kryn needed to talk to him, and you know she only gets involved when things are super bad. Apparently they caught some Dwendlian kids on campus? Whatever,” she leaned back and yawned against Beau. “Professor Kryn is so beautiful, you guys. I don’t know where she gets all of her clothes but they are all so gorgeous and she is so hot. I know she’s like a thousand or whatever but that woman can still hit it, like, any time she wants to--”

“Dwendlian kids?” Caleb asked, his brow wrinkled in confusion. “Like Beau and I?”

“Some other group, I think. Essek called them Scouragers or something? I wasn’t really listening; I was daydreaming that I was a moth and I got to eat some like, delicious curtains. Hey, do you think that’s a metaphor for anything? Anyway--”

Beau wasn’t listening: instead, she was watching Caleb. A lifetime ago, Caleb had been a Scourager, and it hadn’t ended well for him. It was part of why he was at Xhoraus now. Beau expected to see a bit of panic on Caleb’s part, but he mostly just looked relieved.

“Good,” he said, interrupting Jester’s train of thought. “They followed up on the lead we brought them.” 

Oh, right. The text message Jester found from the phone that had gotten left behind in the basement they cleaned out for Zorth. It had been written in Zemnian, so none of them could read it but Caleb, and he had insisted that they turn the phone in to Professor Kryn herself.

“We good, Caleb?”

“Better than before,” he breathed in deeply, then placed a hand on Jester’s knee. “Jester, would you like to paint my nails for me?”

“Sure! What color? I’ve got pink, and blue, oh, and Molly let me have this really cool purple color before he left, and red--”

“How about a rainbow?” He offered, studying his nails with quiet contemplation. “Like the flag.”

Jester gasped. “Caleb I love it,” she squealed, jumping off the bed to run to her dresser. “Oh my gosh, we have got to bring you to Pride this year, you will love it! Well, actually you might hate it because you hate crowds and stuff, but it’s super fun. Oh my gosh, I get to use this yellow nail polish! I never use yellow because Beau hates yellow but I gotta use it if I want to give accurate Pride nails. Which shade of red do you think?”

Beau wasn’t listening, because at that moment Caleb’s phone had vibrated.  It was Essek. Sorry I didn’t text sooner or see you off this morning--it’s been a hell of an eventful morning so far. I’d love to tell you more over coffee if you are free later? ;)

Caleb hadn’t noticed she pulled his phone out; instead, his attention and his arm were being held captive by Jester, who had started painting his thumb a glittery red. 

“Hey loverboy,” she teased, causing Caleb’s head to whip around towards her. “You better let Jester do well on your nails, because you’ve got a date later.” She waved his terrible old phone around the air.

The fact that Jester and Caleb let out an identical high pitched noise at the exact same time was going to be the highlight of her day. She could already tell.

book review: call me by your name

note: I posted this review on Goodreads in September of 2019. I’ve considered posting it here too, and finally caved.

enjoy.

My Review: (Edited To Add: When I first read this book, I, at the very least, thought that the author, Andre Aciman, was part of the LGBT+ community, but... NOPE! Asshole is a fucking STRAIGHT MAN. MOTHERFUCK.) And the most disappointing read of the year goes to...

Lads, I hated this book. Absolutely fucking hated it. Hated it, hated it, hated it. Words cannot describe how much I fucking regret reading this book — it just might be one of the worst books I have /ever/ read. I literally cannot deal. There were a few different reasons why I hated this book, all of which I will go into, but there was one reason why I hated it most of all, and I’ll put that reason here: Elio. I. COULD. NOT. STAND. HIM. OH MY GOD. This asshole. Full disclosure, before I go on, I am asexual as fuck. I do not feel sexual attraction, never have, probably never will. I am also sex-repulsed — However, I AM sex-positive. Normally, I do not give a single fuck what people do in their sex lives as long as everything is legal and consensual, and as long as it doesn’t involve me. However, this little asshole was a motherfucking CREEP. I get it. He’s 17. Most 17 year olds who actually do feel sexual attraction are horny as fuck, all day, every day. They probably, like, look up porn and shit — before PornHub, there was Playboy. Can’t relate, but okay. It’s whatever. BUT THAT DOES NOT EXCUSE ANY OF WHAT THIS KID DID. (Pretty big spoilers from here on out, heyo). Right, so he pretty much starts lusting after Oliver 0.2 seconds after meeting the dude. It is literally your textbook definition of instalust, and if you looked it up in the dictionary you would see Elio’s face (do we ever even learn his last name???) in the dictionary. He starts fantasizing about Oliver’s cock right off the bat. Fine. Creepy, but whatever. I thought his little comment comparing Oliver’s ass and balls to an apricot was pretty cringey (he literally went as far as to call it Oliver’s “apricock”), but I would EASILY take a million apricocks over the bullfuckery (no pun intended) that happens next. But first, before we even get into the cringey sex shit, I would like to point out that there is a point somewhere in the beginning part of this book where Elio literally wishes that, “Oliver was a cripple in a wheelchair so he couldn’t run away.” If that’s not the direct quote, it’s pretty damn close. UMMM. Nice dose of casual ableism there, but okay. Moving on. Okay, so basically the context of the relationship is that Elio is a kid from Italy, and during the summer his parents run a vacation home. They rent out some rooms in the house, including Elio’s bedroom (he temporarily moves into a smaller spare bedroom whenever this happens). Oliver is an American and he’s vacationing in Italy for like 6 weeks, so they rent out Elio’s room and he moves into the spare during this time. Fantastic. So, pretty quickly after Oliver moves in for the summer, Elio catches him wearing swim trunks. Totally normal, it’s summer, it’s hot, and Oliver is staying at a resort near the beach. He is totally justified in wearing swim trunks during this time. Except Elio takes things to a whole new damn level, and after seeing Oliver in these evidently very sexy swim trunks, he sneaks into Oliver’s room. His justification of this very brilliant decision is basically, “Well, it’s actually MY room and he’s just borrowing it so I am TOTALLY JUSTIFIED in going through his belongings.” Right. Anyway, so this kid starts snooping through Oliver’s room (I will be calling it Oliver’s room during this review since he’s renting it). He starts snooping through their guest’s clothes and shit, starts going through his closet... and, lo and behold, what is the very first thing Elio finds in said closet? The very smexy swim trunks. (They’re red, in case you wanted to know). And so. What does Elio do upon finding these sexy red swim trunks? This absolute treasure among treasures? First, he takes the swim trunks out of the closet. And then... He :) holds the swim trunks up to his face :) and INHALES the scent of the inside of the crotch area :) where Oliver’s dick goes. :) BONUS POINTS: He also narrates that he wishes! he could find! “some sort of bodily fluid or a pubic hair!” 😍 I mean, what a guy, hey? *TV Announcer Voice* BUT! THAT’S! NOT! ALL! So while Elio is in Oliver’s room, he, naturally, has to strip naked and try on Oliver’s swim trunks. Because that is very clearly the next step in creepiness after inhaling some random dude’s cock-smelling swim trunks like it’s a goddamn Yankee candle. But that’s not even the weirdest thing that happens. I can’t remember if this happened before, during, or after Elio tried on the trunks (this entire scene was a goddamn nightmare — one of many), but at some point before leaving Oliver’s room, Elio gets on the bed, finds a pillow that Oliver brought with him, and :) dry humps :) the goddamn thing. :) Literally puts it between his legs and rides it out like a goddamn pony. Why I didn’t stop reading at that point, I will never know, but sometime after all this happens, a sort-of relationship forms between Elio and Oliver (more like a summer fling). I have no idea what Italy’s age of consent laws are, so that’s really not my place to say — I don’t want to seem like I’m defending the situation, and I know that most of my rant has been about Elio, but I just... the whole situation is really hard to judge, in my opinion. Oliver’s in his early 20s so the age gap isn’t HUGE huge, but he is American while Elio is Italian, different countries with different laws, so like... that further muddies the age of consent shit. But, even if the ages WEREN’T a problem, the relationship itself is a goddamn train wreck. Overthinking it all highkey stresses me out. Instead, Imma just tell y’all about an ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING thing that happened afterwards because WHAT THE FUCK. WHY WAS THIS IN A FUCKING BOOK. OH MY GOD. (I feel like I’m radiating strong Gus from How To Be A Normal Person vibes right now and, honestly, I need my inner Gus to get me through this shit because WHAT THE FUCK). So, they hook up and have sex for the first time. Whatever. I don’t even know what the fuck happened because, honestly, the writing style was not the best (I’ll rant about that later, if I make it through this shit) and they did this thing where they called each other by each other’s names during sex (which is, I guess, where the title comes from — hardy har har). The idea is fine in retrospect, but between the name-swapping and the shitty writing style, the scene overall was very confusing to read. All I got out of it was that Elio bottomed and Oliver topped. (<—— Almost accidentally typed Gus there and, um, Gustavo Tiberius deserves better than that. I am so sorry, Gus). After they have sex, Elio starts to question whether that was a good idea, whether he was actually into Oliver like that, etc., etc.. And at some point during all of this — I don’t even know how or why this became a thing — he ends up fucking a peach. You read that right. He :) fucks :) a :) peach. :) Like, I’m talking, splits it open and just! shoves his cock right on through! He even cums in the damn thing! ... And, like, I have never seen the movie, but I looked it up, AND THAT SCENE IS IN THE GODDAMN MOVIE. LITERALLY COMES UP AS “THE PEACH SCENE.” WHY. WHY. WHY. WHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHY. What kind of American Pie, 50 Shades bullshit did I just read AND WHY DID ABSOLUTELY NO ONE WARN ME ABOUT IT. Oh, and, uh, Oliver eats the peach. Just. Gobbles that thing up like it’s his favorite piece of goddamn candy. At that point, my soul just kinda detached itself from my body and plummeted straight into hell. I have become numb to any sort of emotion, and I am never touching a goddamn peach ever again, oh my god. So um. Yeah. Outside of the creepy sex shit and questionable age shit, the book was actually boring as fuck. I thought I would actually like the Italian setting, but nope! Outside of being traumatized, I have absolutely no recollection of what happens after Oliver and Elio go to Rome together. All I remember is that I’m pretty sure the ending was bullshit. And the writing style was Not Great either. The author tried SO HARD to be stupidly poetic and it absolutely did not work in the goddamn slightest (especially during the sex scenes, with fruit and otherwise). The paragraphs were super long and rambling, and the author went through patches of writing where he just. Straight up did not break the paragraphs at all when a conversation happened. I read whole paragraphs where I had no idea who was talking because it went back and forth so much. I have no idea if that was done as a stylistic choice, but it was bullshit and I’m judging everyone who liked it. Why??? Did this??? Goddamn book??? Become a movie??? I have never wanted to roundhouse kick a book into the goddamn ocean so badly. I regret ever buying it. I regret not stopping after the goddamn swim trunks shit. I want my money back. In conclusion, to sum up this goddam monstrosity of a book: WHY. (If you want better LGBT+ books, please consider reading How To Be A Normal Person by T.J. Klune, A Light Amongst Shadows by Kelley York & Rowan Altwood, or A Gentleman’s Guide to Vice & Virtue by Mackenzi Lee, just to name a few. They are all SO much better than this goddamn... experience... and do not include questionable age laws. And also, the first two titles are written by indie authors who are part of the LGBT+ community!).

Love Regardless (Fluff)

I don’t think I’ve ever been more scared to post a piece of fanfiction? But for once, it’s not because of how bad it is (don’t get me wrong- it’s still not good, and it’s extremely fast paced, SOMEONE TEACH ME HOW TO PACE!) as much as it is for offending people and having the wrong information. I do understand that for some, they’re on one side of the asexuality spectrum, and others are in other areas. This is just the closest to a broad spectrum that I could achieve with the resources I had (including some irl homies and @whoviancumberbunny. Thank Ya Baby!) Speaking of, @whoviancumberbunny, thank you so much for the idea and the experience that you graciously shared with me. Without either, this would have never come to be!💕💕💕

In addition, in honor of pride month, I tried to keep this non-gender specific. I don’t know how I did with that, but let me know if you enjoyed

I hope you all enjoy!

Warnings: Language, suggestive themes, Jim’s friends are fairly uncensored (and also direct quotes from my personal life), and I mean NO OFFENSE to anyone on the asexual spectrum. I just wanted to keep it fairly wide to everyone.

Jim Mason x (non gender-specific)Asexual!Reader: after being Jim’s friend for a while, you two finally go on a sweet date, and to no one’s surprise, Jim’s nothing but a gentleman... right? 

To have pride in yourself is something most would murder to have. Blessed by wonderful friends who loved you for you, not your body count, you were able to have that pride. You knew who and what you were- you were asexual. And you, along with your friends, knew that there was nothing wrong with it. There was nothing wrong with the fact that you got uncomfortable when discussing sex, or having sex. But for some reason, every time you’d told a potential relationship about it, they shined away from you like you had a disease and snuck out of quarantine.

High school romance seemed like a stupid thing to want anyway, especially if people could be this immature about your comfort and identity.

But then there’s Jim.

In every sense of the word, Jim is perfect- great smile, stunning blue eyes, the talent to do almost everything that most people would murder for, and the understanding from a person that everyone desired from a friend.

The small flaws that Jim harbored were common among teens in Palos Verdes, and you felt like you couldn’t blame him for that. You two have been friends for a while, playfully flirting and hanging out after school with his stupid, faded friends.

Which in of itself was fine.

But it wasn’t until they started talking about you behind your back to Jim, asking him the most obscure and disgusting questions that you weren’t even sure you could think of.

“So Jim, how long till you demolish that sweet ass?”

“Bet it’s fuckin’ hot when y/n comes. You gotta send me a video, dude.”

“Man, I gotta say, if they like your scrawny little dick inside of them, give ‘em five minutes with me, you’ll be old news, boy.”

“I know this is kinda fucked up but, you think y/n would ever fuck around with a chick?”

Disgusting.

Thankfully, Jim would tell you about all the shit they were saying, and you genuinely believe him when he says he’s never answered those questions.

Which is exactly why you agreed to a date with Jim.

He never seemed like the kind of guy to use his friendship with you against you.

He cares way too much about you and your feelings, he would never try anything stupid or funny in front of you.

After a sweet date with the surfer which included dinner, Jim decided to take you back to your house like you’d expect him to do. The idea of a movie began floating around the car, and as you approached home, you two decided to let that idea become a reality.

He pulls into your driveway and parks crooked, as you expected (and constantly tease him for) before walking hand in hand into your house.

“Would you like to go upstairs?” You offer, swinging his hand back and forth. “We could just watch a movie in there.”

Jim smiles, bringing your knuckles to his lips and placing a gentle kiss to them, “sure. I’ll grab a movie, you pop some popcorn?”

“Sure thing,” you agree, kissing his cheek.

The movie Jim picked wasn’t exactly the most exciting thing in the world. It was hard to follow, no interesting actors, and you swear on your life that between yours and Jim’s questions, you’d talked more than the characters in the film.

After one of your particularly funny questions, Jim looked over at you with nothing but pure love and admiration in his eyes.

“Can I... kiss you?” He asks shyly. Giggling, you nod, and within seconds your lips are locked together in a sweet, gentle kiss. Just as you suspected, Jim did nothing funny, simply enjoying the small kiss as much as he can.

Then again, the trailing of his hand down your back, a little lower than you’d expect makes a strange signal go off.

Hm.

And then the way his tongue grazes across your lower lip, you allow, but you aren’t sure where he’s going with this.

“Jim,” you pant from the kiss.

Jim’s lips travel down your neck and face, sucking on your neck to arouse hickeys.

“Fuck, I want you so bad, baby,” he hissed, continuing to cover you in bites and kisses.

So that’s what he wanted.

Slowly, you feel yourself tense under his touch. You didn’t answer, and suddenly Jim felt like this... stranger.

It wasn’t until his long fingers reached for the waistband of your pants that you knew you had to put a stop to this.

“W-Wait Jim,” you whisper, pushing him off of you gently. He pulled pack, eyes wide with worry. “I... want to stop.”

“I-I’m so sorry, I thought you wanted that,” Jim said, eyeing the darkening mark on your neck.

You sigh, “I’m sorry, I should’ve been more clear.”

“Oh, God I’m so sorry, Y/N, I didn’t mean to do anything you didn’t want,” Jim says, body language becoming more sporadic and unpredictable.

“Jim,” you say gently, “relax. It’s not that deep, it’s just that I...” You paused to think of the right words. “I didn’t want it, but I did, does that make sense?”

Jim eyes you, confused, tilting his head like a lost puppy. You let out a quiet laugh, not even sure if you understood what you meant. “Jim, I’m asexual. And I understand if you’d like to leave.”

The silence in the room makes your heart break, the acidic feeling of sadness filling your stomach.

After a long pause, Jim slowly smiles. He laces his fingers with yours on the bed, “I don’t mind.”

The feeling of dread and emptiness is gone. Your heart kicks back into overdrive. “I...What?” You ask. Jim leans forward to kiss your forehead gently, “I don’t mind. I’d like to stay with you, if you’ll let me.”

You tilt your head, “Jim, I don’t like sex. Seeing and talking about it makes me uncomfortable.”

“I know,” he said, matching your head tilt with his own. “I understand. And if you’d like me to, I want to stay.”

“What about all that stuff that you and your friends talk about? Like, I don’t want them to give you crap about it-“

“What you and I do or don’t do is none of my friends’ concerns,” Jim assures, brushing the hair out of your face. “It never was, and it never will be.”

You aren’t exactly sure of what came over you. But the next thing you know, you’re being cradled in Jim’s arms while tiny droplets of your tears drip on his arms and through his jacket. You don’t exactly know why. The only assumption is that he understands what you’re feeling and what you mean, whereas you’ve convinced yourself that he would be ignorant about how you felt.

“You really think this could work?” You whimper, not looking up at him. Your cheek is pressed against his warm chest, and his thumb pets your temple back and forth soothingly.

You feel him nod, “Yeah,” he whispers. “I do. But only if you want to. We can do this. He placed a gentle kiss into your hair as he holds you, letting you get comfortable with him. Slowly, you feel you two falling back onto the bed, and once you hit the mattress, your laughter dances together between the small walls, dominating the prior tenseness in the room with its silly, loving aura.

He pulls away from the embrace to smile at you, thumb wiping at your tear tracks. You grab his wrist gently, holding his large hand to your face. And you couldn’t help but blush when he stayed, smiling and staring at you.

You aren’t quite sure what time you fell asleep, but when you woke up, the discarded sweatshirt from earlier was laid across your body. The bright red numbers on your alarm clock read a staggering 3:24 AM, and you yawned as you sat up. Scooting up to your pillow, a piece of paper crinkled under your hand, and your stomach twisted and fluttered from the contents.

Had a wonderful time. We’ll figure this out.

Together.

Jimmy

Next to his name was a crudely drawn heart as yours couldn’t even begin to slow down its rapid pounding in your chest.

Taglist💕

@whoviancumberbunny @sojournmichael @peachesandfern @avesatanormalpeoplescareme @rosegoldrichie @hecohansen31 @ticklish-leafy-plant @wroteclassicaly @your-daddy-langdon @souriemickey @avesxtxnas

junghope fic links

disclaimer - this is all a bit random, I bookmark so many things and sometimes I don’t remember what I actually thought about them… But they are all readable and worth a click imo.

other posts: fic links

Something About You - poltaeroid Hoseok/Jungkook. "Jungkook likes things that shine. Hoseok is definitely one of those things." sweet college au. 5900 words.

for you i would cross the line - starbrigid Hoseok/Jungkook. "'I've had a crush on you since before we debuted, but I've only just realized I'm in love with you.' The one and only J-Hope has acquired a secret admirer in BTS. He's in London, and it's time to play Sherlock Holmes. ...It goes about as well as one might expect." I thought the characterisation was all really good except for the sex scene which was too hard stan for me lol, but ymmv. 9600 words.

Two, Then Two - bambambams (phanjessmagoria)  Hoseok/Jungkook, Jimin/Seokjin, Hoseok/Jungkook/Jimin/Seokjin. "“It’s not anything against you—” Jungkook said, tone flat. “Except it is, though?” Hoseok replied, and he could tell his voice was still edging on angry instead of how he really felt, which was hurt. “You want to try swinging.” “Ok, don’t call it swinging? It makes you sound like a 45-year-old married white guy.” “Well that’s what it is.” “That’s what it is, but just don’t call it that.” (That's exactly what it is. And it's exactly what happens.)"  the focus is junghope. 15,500 words.

petals and thorns - ffairyy  Hoseok/Jungkook. "Jungkook shares a tiny apartment with his best friend and muse Hoseok. But Jungkook also has to share his muse with another artist." Hobi and Tae are fuckbuddies and JK is jealous. 6600 words.

twitter au Hoseok/Jungkook. "hopekook/junghope au where jungkook freaks out about hoseok all the time and the rest of bangtan is just there to watch him crash and burn"

your favourite worst nightmare - deuxoiseaux Hoseok/Jungkook. ""Hey," [Jungkook] says, in as comforting a voice as he can muster. He's a bit raspy from groaning and screaming all day, but he makes an attempt, at least. "Hey, it's okay. You lost your friends? Did you get separated?" ... The man nods miserably. or the one where jungkook works as a zombie in a haunted house at an amusement park and accidentally scares the pants off hoseok" 4700 words in 3 chapters but appears to be updating every now and then.

at least i got you in my head - ameliabedelias Hoseok/Jungkook. "But that was Hoseok for you. The living embodiment of Really Cool Hyung. The one person who did everything with ease and put everyone around him at ease. In other words, the perfect person to practice kissing with. //  (Or, Jeongguk asks Hoseok for kissing lessons and It's All Downhill From There.)" perfect. 8700 words.

grand pianos crash together - pearl_o Hoseok/Jungkook. "The search results for "how to romantic" aren't very helpful, but Hoseok's gonna do his best anyway." Very very sweet. 5000 words.

Born to Run and Built to Last - theskipper Hoseok/Jungkook. "The best way to get over his crush on Hoseok would be to befriend him. Sure, they were friendly, but that was different from being a friend. He was friends with Namjoon, Jimin, and Taehyung, and he didn’t want to pin them against the wall and lick a line down their chest." JK has been in love with dance trainer Hobi since he was a trainee. 29,700 words.

a hopeful kind of dance - ffairyy Hoseok/Jungkook. "When Jungkook joins the dance studio, Hoseok takes him under his wing the way he does with everyone who's new." 4500 words.

drip drop - momentsinlove Hoseok/Jungkook. "“So um. What did you mean the other night when you said Hoseok would love an alpha like me?” Jimin looks up from stretching, a wicked grin slowly appearing on his face and Jungkook knows this won’t end well. “Let’s just say he likes his alphas a little more docile. Obedient.” Jungkook wants to protest that no, he’s not like that, but then he thinks about his own jerk off fantasies and he knows he’d only be lying to Jimin and himself. He likes the idea of being told what to do, he likes he thought of focusing his efforts on pleasing his partner. He wants to be good, god he wants to take care of his omega in every way possible. or alpha jungkook wants to be babied a little and omega hobi is more than happy to do that." 7500 words.

not a booty call - ffairyy Hoseok/Jungkook. "They’re still themselves, still friends, still all those things they need to be during the day.Right now, they're also a little in love." 3700 words.

your love is bright as ever - brightlight Hoseok/Jungkook. "It shouldn’t be a big deal. So Jungkook’s family didn’t seem particularly crazy about him — is that the end of the world? (Maybe, his brain supplies traitorously.) ++  Hoseok gets worried, Jungkook eases his mind, and Hoseok decides to put his energy into more important things (namely, using some of the first free time he's had in weeks to kiss his boyfriend instead of overthinking.)" sweet. 5300 words.

touch, my love. touch my heart. - jellyfishes Hoseok/Jungkook. "Hi guys,” Hoseok says, voice loud in Jeongguk’s left ear as he whispers into the microphone. “It’s me, your hope.” The voice is in his right ear this time. Jeongguk’s toes curl as his scalp tingles pleasantly." hobi does ASMR. 9000 words.

You're Beautiful And Sick, Like Me - nunu_noodles  Hoseok/Jungkook. "He closes his eyes tight and tries not to think of the desperate man locked in that little room with his dark, dark eyes. Hoseok hugs Jimin close and makes a wish hinging on years of fear that this was going to be goodbye. Love me. Stay with me forever. Love me. His Revelation is too new, roaring in his blood like a flash flood, pounding in his ears. The sensations are too new - he thinks his newly made wall is safe and secure. He doesn’t understand what it is when his body obeys his wish and pours it down into Jimin, doing all it can to make the wish come true." really liked the way each person manifested powers and the slowburn pine from Jungkook. the sequel has hoseok/jungkook/jimin. it’s got a distinctly dark edge to the worldbuilding and some choices the characters make, if you’re into that then this is ambitious and great. 51,600 words.

on the edge - mysoulrunswithwolves   Hoseok/Jungkook. "Hoseok is the reigning US wakeboarding champion, unrivaled in the sport. Jeongguk is his biggest competitor, if only Hoseok had any idea who he was" 15,000 words.

In Fear and Faith - im_your_hope Hoseok/Jungkook. "It's hard to shake something that is already under your skin." showers and bed sharing. 4800 words.

From The Moment The Lights Went Out - myadamantiumheart Hoseok/Jungkook. "The wolf comes to his door at night, and Jungkook always lets him in. He shouldn’t, he knows he shouldn’t. But he always opens the door- the balcony door, where Hoseok appears with his grin glowing in the moonlight, like the Cheshire Cat leading Alice further into the forest. Jungkook wonders if Hoseok really likes him, or whether he just likes the fact that Jungkook will let him in, feed him, and then let him fuck Jungkook into the mattress." Trans JK. Hobi is secretly a vigilante. 9100 words.

spring and, by summer, fall - bizzanus Hoseok/Jungkook. "The new tightrope apprentice looks at Hoseok like he's made of stars." very good circus au. 28,100 words.

Like Snow, Like White Ashes - ashardoffreedom Hoseok/Jungkook. "“I’m not sure if there’s an easy fix.” Do you want me to help you fix it? Jungkook looks up at the ceiling. It’s very white. It’s very pure. “Hyung, maybe you’re not supposed to.”" jk comes to terms with being asexual. 4500 words.

of white lies and autumn leaves - ffairyy Jungkook/Hoseok. "“Fuck that,” Jungkook slurs. “I’m not less grown up just because I haven’t had a relationship yet. Right Hyung? It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t make me uncool.” or the pretend dating fic where the boys make fun of Jungkook for being inexperienced and Hoseok jumps to his defense" VERY SWEET 34,000 words.

Perfect Ten - bugarungus Hoseok/Jungkook. "If Jeongguk can bowl a perfect game, he wins twice." Cute! 2500 words.

Wake - AlixSkyeDawg Taehyung/Seokjin, Namjoon/Jimin, Jungkook/Hoseok. "Hoseok was close, close enough for Jungkook to admire the shape of his face, the smoothness of his skin, the thick fringe of lashes along his cheeks, his lips, slightly parted and far too inviting. Before he could think about it too much, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to Hoseok’s." island holiday soap opera! 72,100 words.

It's Time to Love You - eightninetwo   Hoseok/Jungkook. "Hoseok's fine with his life, all things considered. What he's not fine with, is the reappearance of that one almost-boyfriend who certainly looks More Than Fine right now." oh no he's hot. 7300 words.

i'm smiling, he's living, he's golden - Chlexcer Hoseok/Jungkook. "They are the base of a mountain. A fucking mountain. Now, Hoseok enjoys nature. He likes parks and he loves the beach; he likes playing on the snow, and he loves flowers. But mountains? Not his cup of tea, exactly. (Throw Jungkook into the mix, and it's a whole different story.)" 5400 words.

share my life (it's yours to keep) - momentsinlove Jungkook/Hoseok. ""You know, maybe we should just get married," Hoseok says. Jungkook nearly chokes on his water that he's got to his lips and in his his haste to put it down he bangs his knee on the underside of the table. When he looks at Hoseok with wide eyes, Hoseok is staring with a smirk on his face, chin propped up in his hand. Jungkook realizes that Hoseok is joking of course, no one in their right mind is going to marry someone after two hook ups (even ones that were mind numbingly good) and one date. Except when Jungkook sort of thinks about it, the idea of marrying someone, anyone, has his heart skipping a beat or the ridiculously long fic where Hoseok and Jungkook fuck a lot and are super romantic. All they wanna do is get married." conflict free but very readable. 13,700 words.

One in a Million - momentsinlove   Hoseok/Jungkook. "In fact it's nice when Jungkook ends up in Hoseok's bed. Hoseok won't say he gets lonely easily but it's been tough ever since Jimin officially moved out. They'd sometimes just lay in each's other bed, watching a movie or talk about their day and Hoseok misses that. Jungkook does a good job of filling in when he stays over, always ready for a good cuddle session and he's so fucking clingy but Hoseok loves it, adores the way Jungkook clings to him like a koala. It's not even sexual either. They've never fooled around despite their closeness and when Jin asks, Hoseok is honest in saying no, they've never fucked, never even jerked each other off. Jin looks at him like he's lying but it's the truth. Even though he's an alpha and Jungkook's an omega they have never been around each other during their heats and ruts so it's never been something Hoseok has had to think about. or Jungkook shares Hoseok's bed more often than not and realizes that maybe they are meant to be mates" a/b/o. 10,100 words.

the stars are brightly shining - monbon Hoseok/Jungkook, preslash. "Sometimes Christmas doesn't go the way you expected. And sometimes that's alright. or, Hoseok always spends winter break on campus. This time, Jeongguk joins him." 5300 words.

Blanket Kick - nunu_noodles Hoseok/Jungkook. "It takes 2 hours and 40 minutes for the train from Busan to get to Seoul Which means Jeongguk is going to meet his online boyfriend in 2 hours and 40 minutes Time moves both too slowly, and far, far too quickly He checks the time quickly. 15 minutes to go. Holy shit. Holy. Shit." 34,700 words.

where the light can't reach - undercoverjikooks Hoseok/Jungkook. "Sometimes he would cry for no reason on his bed at two in the morning because his heart felt empty in certain corners, like the light of all of the good things in his life couldn’t reach quite far enough to fill those dark places. or, alternatively, Hoseok is scared of contentment." Hoseok stays at Jungkook's b&b, and they fall in love. 9600 words.

One Fear - Jajungmyeon Jungkook/Hoseok. "Good-looking men did not scare Jeongguk. They... overwhelmed him... with their daring beauty. They brought out the boy in Jeongguk. And Jeongguk was not a boy. He was a man who had a job and paid taxes. He was a whole grown up. Well, not as grown up as Yoongi who could clean his bathroom without dry-heaving once (but that was because he was on a completely different level, a grownup- old man edition). Jeongguk had not made it through college and student loans and paychecks to regress to boyhood simply because a gorgeous male looked his way." very readable tho i mean there's some workplace bullying. 4300 words.

i never felt nothing like that, looking at you looking right back - jellyfishes   Hoseok/Jungkook. "“Don’t play dumb, it doesn’t look good on you. Jeonggukie is an innocent baby.” Hoseok’s smile widens. Jimin jabs a finger into his chest. “You stay away from him, hyung.” “He’s so cute, though,” Hoseok whines, and he’s grinning now. “Jimin, you know I can’t resist it when they’re cute.” or, hoseok likes cute boys, and jeongguk is very cute. jimin probably never should have introduced them." cute. 9300 words.

you got me catching feelings - momentsinlove Jungkook/Hoseok. "Jungkook and Hoseok decide to hook up as just bros until they start to catch feelings." soft and porny. 10,000 words.

blue flame special - nonheather   Hoseok/Jungkook. "hoseok just got dumped and now a clearly under aged bartender is refusing to serve him a much needed round of shots. ("can you do this teenage angst thing some other time? my ex just walked in with his new boyfriend and i could really use some liquid cowardice." the kid narrows his eyes in the direction hoseok had nodded toward. "seokjin hyung's your ex?") hoseok nods. "you know him?" "yeah," jeongguk glares at hoseok and begins stepping away, definitely refusing to serve him any drink at all. "he dumped me for you.")" this is a melodrama with all the ups and downs and twists and turns, but it's riveting and addictive in that way too. cw for jin's past (abuse). 106,300 words.

Serendipity - redhowler Hoseok/Jungkook. "Hoseok is an architect with an eye for art and Jungkook has a masterpiece painted on his back." 8000 words.

a hold on me - CaptainButts Jungkook/Hoseok. "hoseok moves into a new neighborhood, meets his questionable neighbors, and rekindles an old love." 13,000 words.

pas de deux - peachtae   Jungkook/Hoseok. "dancing with jungkook has always come naturally to hoseok." from childhood to old age. 7700 words.

Tryna Count Me Out - freelancejouster   Jungkook/Hoseok. "Who even does that? Just — just goes around kissing random strangers? And okay, maybe it was to save him from looking like a fool in front of an entire stadium of people, and maybe he liked it a little bit too much, but was Hoseok going to admit that? Not likely.(Aka Hoseok gets kissed by a cute stranger on the kiss cam and can’t get the memory of vanilla Chapstick and soft lips out of his mind.)" 5000 words.

there's a galaxy between you and me - venenumm Hoseok/Jungkook. "Jung Hoseok, best ship pilot in Seoul, hell, in Korea. Together with his exceptional crew, they travel the stars, gathering and delivering goods for clients. But they always return home, always back to Seoul. And Jung Hoseok's fate drops into his lap in Seoul, aptly named Jeon Jungkook. or space pilot jung hoseok meets android jeon jungkook and things happen." 5700 words.

tryna act nice (boy your cover's blown) - blvesey Hoseok/Jungkook. "jeongguk smells like a whore, but he isn't one. hoseok looks like an asshole, and he absolutely is. but he's nothing if not a good sportsman, and so he's always willing to reward effort." street racing au. 6400 words.

Mountain Dew Me? - ecrivantkazl Hoseok/Jungkook. "“Pop my cherry?” No hello, no customer service smile, not even a what can I get you? His tone is even, eyes wide and growing wider, and he is about two seconds from swallowing his whole entire body head first. He should have stayed in bed this morning. "Pardon...me?"" bartender au. 4600 words.

The Moment I Met You - lonelyonion Hoseok/Jungkook. "Jungkook has a newfound fascination with the idea of marriage, but it seems like his boyfriend of six years, Jung Hoseok, does not share in his fascination. Or, Jungkook kinda wants to be a married man, but somehow things are going a little differently than he'd hoped." 4700 words.

Call Me Baby - MarionetteFtHJM Hoseok/Jungkook. "Jungkook was a badass dude. He was a leather-wearing, motorcycle-riding, no-nonsense-attitude dude. There was absolutely no reason for him to be acting like a damn blushing virgin. Especially around Jung Hoseok, the dude of his dreams- not that he’d ever tell him that, no sir-e." 3200 words.

stitch me up (you're so pretty) - jjks   Jungkook/Hoseok. "“Embroidery,” Jeongguk repeats. “I’m gonna join an embroidery class,” his voice trails off a little at the end, losing some of its vigor and quieting down when he realises it’s stupid. So stupid. Even stupider when spoken out loud." 10,200 words.

A Sheep in Wolf's Clothing - blimpish   Jungkook/Hoseok. "When Jeongguk decides it's time to live out his fantasy of being knotted, he determines that Hoseok is the best (read: least awful) candidate for the job." a/b/o and dancer au. does interesting things with the trope. also, hot. 35,000 words.

Gotta Hand It to You - freelancejouster   Hoseok/Jungkook. "Hoseok was trying to think of living by himself as an adventure, a new experience, something to look forward too. He hadn't thought it'd be like this." maknae line are neighbours. Hoseok has a crush. 19,000 words.

F is for Figure It Out, Kiddo - exfatamorgana   Jungkook/Hoseok. “Crying and Pining and Growing the Fuck Up: A Life-story in Stages” childhood friends who eventually become something more in late 20s. 10,400 words.

to the places you will be from - krisssy   Jungkook/Hoseok. "jungkook accidentally adds hoseok on snapchat" Cute. 4300 words.

The First and, Hopefully, the Last - wingedseok Jungkook/Hoseok. "Hoseok is seventeen years old, has known Jeongguk ever since the bunny-looking kid was born, and he has never been kissed. Luckily, his dongsaeng knows exactly what to do." 2000 words.

DOES/DOES NOT - Jajungmyeon   Jungkook/Hoseok. "Jeongguk thinks Hoseok likes him. Hoseok thinks Jeongguk does not like him. They are both wrong and get yelled at by Yoongi." fun story about 'does hyung really like me or is it just his normal skinship.' if you roll with the jk characterisation, this is so fun, 20,000 words.

Bloodflows - mnsg   Hoseok/Jungkook. "Sharing a bath at 3AM with all 178cm of Jeon Jeongguk is at least one of Hoseok's ideas of torture." 2200 words.

On My Life (I Swear) - Sevensoulmates  Hoseok/Jungkook. "Hoseok had no idea what he got himself into when he befriended a random stranger that day on the street. He hadn't thought anything of it, even though it kind of was a bit of an unusal circumstance. Still, how was he to know that the boy was the President's Son, the most hidden and protected person in all of the country? Not until the day he walks into his new job as a bodyguard and gets chained to the boy himself does he realize that things are about to get a little fucked up." a big long soapy bodyguard AU. 113,100 words.

bone + tissue - minsfw Jungkook/Hoseok. "jungkook is a student of photography; hoseok has really soft lips." This is good. 10,400 words.

Dance With Me, Hyung - TheHalesNyx   Jungkook/Hoseok. "Kook convinces Hobi to take him along when he goes out dancing one night. Must include: "Are you drunk?"" 11,400 words.

eventually - yoogni Jungkook/Hoseok. "jeongguk turns his head to see someone who is almost definitely the most attractive person he's ever seen. his hair is soft, his eyes are bright, and his smile is somehow heart-shaped. not to get ahead of himself, but jeongguk is very possibly in love." Jungkook is really really shy. 5500 words

one shot (is all i need) - kaythebest Jungkook/Hoseok. "Jungkook wants to be a bartender. If he wants anything else, well, that's just a bonus." 6300 words.

these spaces between infinities - astringxnt Jungkook/Hoseok. "because the truth is that we're always finding sanctuary in unfamiliar places, trying to caress warmth into fires." Fwb, Jk takes Hoseok home for the holidays. 9000 words.

come across the kitchen to me - Acavall Jungkook/Hoseok. "Jungkook is jealous. Jungkook has no right to be jealous. Jungkook is an idiot. In which Jungkook and Hoseok are roommates and Jungkook wishes they were more." 3000 words.

bored stiff (out of my brains) - loafers Hoseok/Jungkook. "Jungkook gets bored. The devil finds work for idle hands." PWP. 3800 words.

another life - Acavall Hoseok/Jungkook. "Jungkook and Hoseok talk alternate realities amidst fake kitchens. JungHope fluff from the day they went to Ikea in Sweden and then nearly got arrested for setting off the fire alarm." sweet. 2700 words.

Fall and Recover - exfatamorgana Jungkook/Hoseok. "Behind closed doors and in foggy mirrors, Jeongguk and Hoseok learn that sometimes, falling together is just as easy as falling apart. And it's so much nicer. i.e. in which they're both dance majors and Hoseok is the TA for Jeongguk's performance workshop." 75,100 words. Also has a sequel, 150,000 words.

all the world's noise - astringxnt Jungkook/Hoseok. "in between late night dance practices and Thursday study dates, Jungkook lets Hoseok teach him that love doesn’t have to be loud to be real." 7400 words.

vagabonds' chaos theory - astringxnt Jungkook/Hoseok. Secret agents au. Hoseok is Jungkook's mentor. 7300 words.

Lionheart - nivo Jeongguk/Hoseok. "The problem is simple, really: Jeongguk is cool, and Hoseok is... Hoseok." Hoseok decides he must bungee jump bc he's insecure about their relationship. This is adorable. 2000 words.

New Romantics - nivo Hoseok/Jeongguk. "Music majors know what romance is all about. (Jeon Jeongguk is not a music major. Neither is Jung Hoseok.)"  2800 words.

threesomes

2/2/3 - cobbleles Hoseok/Namjoon/Jungkook. "There is plenty of fish in the sea, two and two and three. Or: Hoseok wants to see other people and Namjoon agrees. Prompt - Secret Relationship." they're in an open relationship and both are dating jk, all three are dumb. 9900 words.

namkookhope au  Namjoon/Hoseok/Jungkook. "NAMKOOKHOPE AU 💕 jungkook is looking for something casual, he signs up to tinder & meets namjoon. he’s in an open relationship and not looking for anything srs. so it’s fine if he starts sleeping w his dance teacher jhope too, right? what could go wrong?"

playing for your heart - umji   Jungkook/Hoseok/Seokjin. "Jungkook should have known something was up from the way they were acting, they had been unusually quiet all night, sharing looks across the room when they thought he was caught up in his game. He didn’t quite know what he was expecting them to say - maybe they were going to elope? That seemed like something the pair of them would do - but he was certainly not expecting them to tell him they had signed him up for a dating game show."  17,100 words.

Harmless - Untested_Waters Hoseok/Jungkook/Taehyung. "Jungkook is fine, really. He doesn’t need Taehyung and Hoseok’s help. Except for the fact that he is absolutely not fine and really, really needs Taehyung and Hoseok’s help." Porn. 11,000 words.

Gushing Gold - syubology Hoseok/Taehyung/Jungkook. "Hoseok watches them, can see them through the opaque material, Taehyung's fingers tracing over the dark lines and swirls inked into Jungkook’s skin. His own hand resting where it fell onto the youngest's thigh doesn’t feel so chill all of a sudden when he takes a moment to think about where they are, what they’re doing, how it would look to an outsider: the three of them snuggled close, tangled limbs and heavy eyes and fingers sneaking under clothes. He tries not to think like that too often – how it looks, how it feels, how easy it’d be to poke at the boundaries, to be just as curious and daring as Kim Taehyung’s stunning fingers – but there’s something different in the air tonight." PWP. 19,900 words.

We Float - Icicles Hoseok/Jungkook/Yoongi. "Jungkook’s gaze on them is searing. She can feel his dick growing harder against the side of her thigh as he watches them. It’s good. It’s all good. It’s a lot. Just like a good distraction should be. OR Jungkook and Hoseok get sad watching Titanic. Yoonji is always a little sad these days. They try to find comfort together." 5900 words.

An Experiment in Threesomes - Only_A_Fangirl   Hoseok/Jungkook/Yoongi. "Still. What does he have to lose? He’ll just tell them about his problem, like a proper dongsaeng to his hyungs, and maybe they’ll have a solution. And maybe that solution will be to have sex with him. Probably not. But maybe. So, he won’t just say ‘I want you to take my virginity’, he’ll just hope that they offer. He might also lose just a little bit of his dignity, but not much, because he’s sure they won’t make fun of him. Or, the tale of Jeongguk's virginity loss to Hoseok and Yoongi." it does have an open ending - but it's pretty great. 37,600 words.

and i'll smile upon you too - pearl_o   Hoseok/Yoongi/Jungkook. ""what is going on right now?" yoongi says, still staring at hoseok. "i'm trying to communicate with you! like adults!" hoseok says. "you're doing a really bad job," says yoongi. "how did you picture this conversation going?" hoseok slumps until he's half lying down, letting his legs hanging over the edge of the mattress. "i was gonna tell you that i love you and that i want you to be happy and that i could be happy even if it meant...you know. sharing."" sweet! 5900 words.

Finer Than The Fine Arts - anonymousloris   Hoseok/Yoongi/Jungkook. "Regardless, Hoseok and Yoongi had been best friends since they started college, and potentially for many years to come. If anything, it should be fun to have a blow off class together their senior year. Just one little fine arts class to graduate. An easy-peasy Photography 101. No heavy clouds on the sunny, blue horizon. That was, until they turned the corner and stepped into the classroom, their eyes landing on a tall, dark, and very handsome looking freshman sitting in the front row. They looked at each other and in unison said, "Dibs."" 9200 words.

put my favourite record on - umji   Yoongi/Hoseok/Jungkook. "Yoongi never should have mentioned (admittedly he was drunk at the time so it was less in casual conversation and more of a secret confession that he’d whispered to Hoseok whilst he had been sat under the kitchen table) that he had a weakness for cute boys and great singing voices and cute boys with great singing voices." 7400 words.

Untraditional - TheHalesNyx Yoongi/Hoseok/Jungkook. "they're in this rare kind of alpha/beta/omega relationship but it's still super cute. Their different personalities work together perfectly but then omega Kookie's heat hits for the first time, since he didn't use suppressants for the first time." Yoongi and Hoseok are alphas, Jungkook is an omega. 14,100 words.

Rules: Answer 20 questions then tag 20 (give or take) followers you wanna get to know better!

Tagged by: Open tagged by @destinedreturn ((Thanx Birb!))

Name: CJ

Nickname: Whatever you want to call me... just keep it civil with pet names.

Height: 5'6″ and fractions... just teetering to 5′7

Nationality: To simple: American. Pedigree: Polish, German, UK, Irish, and others to be identified in a DNA test.

Favorite Fruit: I am a sucker for Raspberry flavored anything... even raw Raspberries~!

Favorite Season: Spring and Fall... despite the allergies...

Favorite Smell: That masculine, testosterone-boosting aroma of Leather!

Favorite Color(s): Mya favorite color is [REDACTED], mainly because it reminds me of {VERY REDACTED}. April Fools~! It’s undecided.

Favorite Animal: I love going to zoos for a lot of the exotic varieties... and I go to museums for the 65 million years dead animals~!

Tea, Coffee, Hot Cocoa: Eeny, Meeny, Miney, ALL.

Average Hours of Sleep: I sleep from Whenever to Whenever on a lazy day.

Dogs or Cats: I have a dog... cutest little shitbuck. I’ve interacted with cats... cutest little predators made pets. Now Guinea Pigs and small rodents, I want 50, please~!

Dream Trip: I am really itching to go to Archaeological, Palaeontological, and Geological landmarks in the United States... so... Grand Canyon, Hell Creek, Herkimer Diamond Mines (though I am in the same state as Herkimer, just gotta plan the weekend).

When my blog was created: October of 2011, I will soon be 7 years old! HOLY SHIT!

# of Followers: 265. Didn’t expect to be that good... but then again, I’m not that bad either, I suppose.

Random Fact: Go ahead, ask this rock-head about his collection... I’ll list off a majority of things I have... especially my Prenocephale prenes skull.

You really thought I was kidding about the dinosaur skull, did ya’?

Favorite Food: For a while, it’s been mild Mexican food... but give be a 13 ounce steak, I’ll be your glutton for life~!

Favorite TV show(s): I’ve been mainly doing different channels... so I can’t list favorites in general.

Favorite Movie(s): I’m selective, but I definitely have a liking for Superhero movies... The Avengers (2012) is best, I adore Mark Ruffalo as Bruce Banner, and Hulk gets the Adrenaline going all the time! Oh, and I’ve seen all of the Star Wars movies (save for Solo, I’m going in blind), I have seen all Jurassic Park/World (save for Fallen Kingdom, I’m going in blind), I’ve seen the classic Superman (with the legendary Christopher Reeve), Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man films, and I have a few documentaries.

Favorite Vine: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITx8l-DW7us  You’re Welcome.

Sexuality: Asexual

Gender: I classify as CIS Male.

Favorite Book Series: Jurassic Park, by the great Michael Crichton.

Favorite Videogame(s): Controversy Alert: I play, and enjoy Minecraft. I have made modpacks o’ plenty with the game, I have an Anime themed modpack, Magic and Fantasy themed modpack, and a Geology themed modpack for Christ’s sake!

Favorite Subject: Definitely. SCIENCE!

Favorite Fandoms: N/A... I have too many fandoms to pick.

Favorite Superhero: From DC, it’s got to be Aquaman. The guy’s a badass, even if he has the powers of Spongebob. He rules the oceans, which is 70% of the fucking EARTH! Not even the King of Wakanda, T’Challa, has that kind of reach! From Marvel, Fucking HULK! HULK!!

Guys or Girls: Eh, neutral... no romantic intent.

Celebrity Crush: None.

Last time I cried: Don’t remember… don’t care... don’t ever want it to happen again.

Hair Color: Brown

Eye Color: Brown

What Should I Be Doing: I don’t know what I’m doing right now... what hope does one have for the future?

Tagging: @sugimoto-dorm, @pinklocksoflove, @someheartlesslady, @berserkerkale8, @thehouseofivo, @the-human-maelstrom, @bethanytheescort, @thegreediestgals