#don't worry i'm sure they start going to therapy off screen
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Fine Print ༓ jjk, kth (m) || ch. I
✑ Summary: Your boss needs you to strike a deal with one of South Korea's biggest business tycoon, Kim Taehyung. What he didn't tell you though, was that Jeon Jungkook, his negligent heir, would be accompanying you the whole time. Isn't this just peachy?
Pairing: company heir!jungkook x fem!reader x ceo!taehyung (not poly)
AU/genre: angst, humor, fluff, smut, stuck together, office au, coworkers2lovers, lo-love triangle (do I dare? yes, yes I do), mini-series
Rating: M, 18+
Word Count: 4.1k+
Now playing: Softcore, Do I Wanna Know?, Blank Space...
Warnings: Not too many this chapter but main ones are swearing, bickering, jk is kind of a kluts so he ain't exactly prince charming right now, reader is ticked obvs, accidental t*tty flash, oh and reader has a cat!
Taglist:
@coralmusicblaze @seokjins-luigi @oopscoop @chanjwl @taebangtanbabe @j3oooonsnsns
A/N: Here it is! Late again, I know, so thank you to anyone who's been waiting. I'm super excited about this mini-series! FYI I've decided not to make chapters too long so I'm more likely to update faster. Enjoy and lmk what you think. My asks are open 💞
One.
Two.
Three.
It's been three hours on the phone with your sister.
'Have you eaten anything yet? Oh dear, why not? Go eat right now!'
'You better not be pregnant __. I'm not ready to be an aunt yet!'
"There are more important things than work you know. I know it's hard to admit but, distance is good so you don't become dull and boring. Get away for a while. You can come up to my place for a few if you need.'
Although Y/S/N is only four years older, she's always had the compulsion to act like your mother. Constantly checking up on you, giving unsolicited advice, and spewing opinions were her specialty.
It's not that you mind hours of conversations over the phone and it's not entirely dreadful. But your energy is surely spent after. Guess that's family for you.
"Really, I'm fine," you answer back. "Don't worry about me so much. And yes I ate, no I'm not pregnant, and I can't afford a break from work right now but I'll see you as soon as I can."
Once the phone slips from your ear, you release a soft huff. Finally. You allow your mind to go blank before something long and sleek brushes against your calf. You can't help but break into a smile and crouch down on the floor to confront the source.
"Did you miss me baby?"
Meow.
"I missed you too." You pick up Kumo, your 3-year-old Siamese. Kumo lived at a local rescue league for a year before you adopted him. You weren't sure you'd be able to take care of a cat when a friend suggested it. But once you saw Kumo's shimmering blue eyes, you knew you weren't walking out empty-handed.
Meowmeowmeow
Kumo kneads your sleeve, ears relaxing as you stroke his back. Each gentle purr reminds you why you consider him your best form of therapy. "Good boy Kumo. I wish I could take you to work with me...silly company policy."
A few strokes later and Kumo starts wiggling in your arms. Claws prick your skin, telling you he's had enough lovey-dovey for now. You suppose it's nearly time for his late night snack.
Meooooow
"Alright I gotcha," you say, setting him near his food dish. Kumo gladly jumps out of your arms to attack the last remaining pebbles in his bowl. "Mom should get something to eat too shouldn't she?"
Truth be told you actually hadn't eaten all day. And though you never meant for it to happen, it's a regular occurrence. Your sister would go absolutely off if she found out which is why you sorta...don't tell her?
Feeling your body aching, you pop a few pieces of fruit in your mouth before deciding to hit the shower. Not the most substantial option but you're ready to crash and crash hard. You'll eat in the morning, for sure. You plug your cell in by the nightstand but before you turn to leave, a notification drops on the screen.
CEO Jeon: __, sorry to be reaching out this late. I need you to come by my office around 2:30 tomorrow if you can. There's something urgent I need to discuss with you. [sent at 9:03pm]
You re-read the message twice before typing out a reply. What could be this urgent? Are you being let go? Dammit, don't think like that. Surely he wouldn't.
__: Of course Saengnim. I'll be there at 2:30pm. Is everything alright? [sent at 9:07pm]
CEO Jeon: Thank you __. Everything's fine, only a slight change of plans. Have a good night. [sent at 9:08pm]
Still unsettled, you're tempted to press further. But being your boss, you let it go. The risk of grilling him for answers wasn't something you were willing to take.
Probably has to do with a new product launch or something, you think. The company's always pumping out new tech. Nothing's been as successful as those smart lights though. They were the true turning point for the company.
With a long exasperated sigh, you grab a towel from the bathroom closet and turn on the shower knob. Whatever it is, you'll find out tomorrow.
"Get your feet off my desk Jungkook."
He looks at you with his notorious bambi eyes, hands laced behind his neck. He's got a stripped dress shirt on, untucked, over a pair of light-washed jeans. Who let the kid in your office?
"I did." He says. "And you're not allowed to call me kid when I'm only three years younger than you."
So you said that kid thing out loud—classic.
"You can't be in here without permission Jungkook." You ignore his comment and hang your jacket on the hook behind the door.
Jungkook eyes you from the other other side of the desk. He takes in your perfectly fitted white blouse, sleek black slacks, and shiny heels. Always so put together, he thinks. A little too posh for his taste personally.
"You know my daddy owns this office." He clicks his tongue. "So technically, I kinda already got permission and all."
You hate when he uses that card. Like being the boss's son suddenly alleviates him from standard office protocol. You promise, the day this irritable little prick takes over the company will be the day you quit. Good thing that won't be for a long time though. Jungkook is far from ready to run a multibillion-dollar company.
You place a hand on your hip. "Is there something I can do for you? Because I have a very generous to-do list and babysitting you isn't on there."
Jungkook sweeps his feet off the mahogany surface. His posture straightens as he strolls his chair, or rather your chair, closer to the desk. "I'm glad you asked." He clutches his hands together, as if serious. "I need a partner."
You hold back a snort. This better not be what it sounds like. "Nice try but I'm not going out with you Jungkook."
"Oh gosh no, that's not what I meant." He shakes his head. "Pretty sure we'd both get in trouble then, given our relationship. Plus…you're not really my type."
"Okay, so there's something we can agree on." Jungkook openly admitting he isn't attracted to you is the least of your concerns. You aren't necessarily fond of him either. "What do you need me to do then? Set you up with someone? Get to the point please."
"I'm not talking about that type of partner __. I mean a work partner."
You feel the hand on your hip slowly glide down your figure. Work partner? Jungkook notices the blood immediately rush from your face. "I'm listening," you mumble.
"Yeah so uh, my dad wants me to get more exposure to the company because I'll be running it one day or whatever. Apparently, there's some business trip coming up that's a really big deal and I'm supposed to go. I was told you have the reigns on it. So I'm gonna need to be like your partner or something. I guess it's already decided actually, sorry.”
The words hardly register in your brain. He couldn't be talking about the business trip. The one that's been rattling in your brain, keeping you up day and night. Your boss assigned it to you months in advance, saying you'd be able to network with the company's potential client best.
You were confident in taking on such a task until you learned it wasn't just any client. It was Kim Taehyung, CEO of the biggest and most luxurious hotel chain in South Korea; White Lotus. Hearing his name alone made your toes curl. Nevertheless, you've been doing all you can to prepare for the official meeting. Having Jungkook there to breathe unnecessary stress down your neck wasn't part of the plan. And oh my god...it's in two days!
"Uh, well um, okay" is all you can reply amongst your jumbled-up thoughts.
Jungkook, completely opposite expression, breaks out into a big wide grin. "Okay, it's settled then! Who we meeting? Kim Taeyang or something?"
"Really Jungkook? Kim Taeyang?" You circle your temple knowing full well what your future was about to behold. This must be what your boss wanted to meet about. The fact that he said this was merely a "slight change of plans" is alarmingly irksome. Oh, you're definitely getting that drink after work. "It's Taehyung," you correct. "Wait...what time is it?"
Jungkook checks his phone. "Uhm..about 2:20."
Dammit. Pressed for time, you stride around your desk and pick up a folder from a stack of documents. "Sorry to cut this short but you're going to have to leave now. I have a meeting in ten minutes and you can't be here."
With furrowed brows, Jungkook lets out a small grunt. It doesn't seem to be from a place of anger but rather, disappointment. "What about the business trip with Taehyang? You still have to get me up to speed and stuff!"
"For the last time, it's Kim Taehyung. Taehyung." You stress every syllable of his name before rubbing your forehead. "You might wanna get his name right before you shake his hand in two days!"
"Well, what am I supposed to do? I'm here all day! I kinda need you."
Anxiously, you flip the folder open and scan through each page. "I don't know, do some research about Kim and his hotel chain. If you're coming on the trip you need to know a thing or two."
"But—"
"Off you go," you say, smacking him with the folder in hand. "Beat it."
"That's no way to treat your work partner or better yet, future ceo __."
"Out Jungkook. I'll talk you to later."
Your boss rounds the corner of his desk, a glass of scotch in hand. He invites you to take a seat before getting down to the heart of it. "Now that Jungkook's 25 he needs to start preparing for his future," he says. "I'm well aware that he's not yet ready to take over as CEO, which is why I've decided that he go with you on this very critical business trip. You've been a loyal part of my team these past five years and I trust you to help guide Jungkook into the next stage of his life."
"Sir, I am pleased that you'd think of me in this way, however, the meeting is in two days. Kim Taehyung is someone who we both know expects perfection. I'm well prepared to have this discussion with him regarding our transaction but I'm concerned that Jungkook won't have enough time to."
"I understand your concern. But not to worry, Ms. __. Jungkook is merely there to observe so you shouldn't need to worry about him saying something he shan't. You'll still be taking the lead on everything."
"Sir I–"
"__. I know its very last minute. And my son has his challenges but I'm afraid this isn't a choice for you. But I tell you what. If you do this for me and you manage to seal the deal with Kim, I guarantee you'll be very well compensated."
The replay of your earlier meeting with your boss brews in the back of your mind. You nearly forget where you are until your friend pipes up from across the table.
“You’re kidding," the younger woman says, nearly spitting out her drink.
“I wish I was.” The dryness in your tone is unmistakable. "My boss said he insists that his son, who by the way has barely stepped foot in the company, be involved in one of the biggest business transactions in years. How am I supposed to sell smart tech to Kim Taehyung with that kid fiddling with god knows what beside me?"
The woman, Eun-ji, flashes you her famous side-eye. “Oh stop complaining __, it'll cause wrinkles. Besides that kid is basically the same age as you. But more importantly, he's hot.” She gives you a light shove. “Don’t pretend you don't know it.”
You shake your head and take a sip of your cocktail. Eun-ji may be one of your closest friends but damn was that girl relentless. Constantly giggling over you and Jungkook going away for a few days is just another one of her matchmaking attempts. Yesterday it was the overly friendly man at the bakery, today it’s your boss’s nuisance of a son.
A blaring light suddenly gets shoved in front of you mid-thought, causing your face to jolt back. Your eyes struggle to adjust to the blinding brightness of the phone screen. “What the hell Eun-ji? Get Jungkook out of my face.”
Eun-ji swipes left, revealing another ridiculous photo of Jungkook posing as the next prodigy of business. “The one to watch” or some shit. “Look at that face __, and those muscles. You can’t hate him forever.”
You scrunch your face. “I never said I hated him Eun-ji. I’m a grown woman for god sak–okay that's enough!” You push the phone abruptly back. “I don’t want to see my boss’s son in Calvin Klien's underwear, please.”
Eun-ji chuckles and sets her phone down. “Sorry, accident.” She casually folds her arms on the wood surface and leans forward. “But seriously, three days alone with Jungkook in the most glamorous hotel in Seoul and you don’t think anything of it?”
“I’m not having sex with Jungkook if that's what you're getting at. And yes, we’ll be in a fancy-ass hotel with joint rooms,” you say emphasizing the joint part. “But it’s not a leisure trip. I’m going there to form some sort of partnership or deal with Kim and Jungkook happens to be carry-on luggage. Nothing more, nothing less.”
“Fine. Have it your way.” Slowly, Eun-ji falls back in her chair. Her eyes flicker to a far corner of the restaurant before the same sly expression returns. “So how do you feel about meeting Kim Taehyung, the beast of business and hospitality himself?”
“Still a little shaken up but I've had several variations of these meetings before. Kim Taehyung is just a man and I can handle him.”
“Come on __, extend me a branch," Eun-ji say with a slight whine. "Maybe Jungkook gets by but not Kim Taheyung. We both know you've been head over heels for him in Lalaland ever since he made front and center with the press."
Tugging your bottom lip you desperately try suppressing a grin. "That's such an exaggeration. I'm not–"
"I've known you for ten years __. You're always, and I mean always weak for an intelligent, sexy, business-savvy brain. Kim far surpasses the bill."
"Alright fine, fine fine fine," you chant, giving up. "You're right. I'm still nervous as hell about meeting Taehyung and hope to death I don't fumble. Happy?"
Pleased, Eun-ji lets out a wide grin that tells you she's now concocting a soap opera with you and Taehyung as the main leads. "That's all I wanted to hear," she coos.
"Promise me you'll take good care of Komu? We leave Friday morning."
"Of course, I will," she says, leaning forward to gently grip your shoulder. "Kumo and I are going to have three full days of watching reruns of Love Island. Kai Fagan and Sanam Harrinanan are his favorites."
Friday - 8:04 a.m.
"If you don't get here in the next fifteen minutes I'm leaving with or without you Jungkook." You stroll your suitcase into the boarding line outside your gate. You and Jungkook's flight to Seoul was scheduled to take off in twenty minutes but your partner, get this, woke up late and is now running ridiculously behind.
"Yeah, try explaining why you ditched me at the airport to my dad __." Was it just you or was Jungkook's voice even more annoying over the phone than in person? God you could strangle him right now. You suggested carpooling over well ahead of time to make it easy but no, his highness didn't want to.
"Listen __,"Jungkook continues. "I'm at security right now and I'm rushing as fast as I can. The line isn't too bad now so I'll be there in ten. I'm sure."
"Okay, but don't muck around too much. And make sure to take off your belt before you go through security."
"Yes mom."
"Don't ever call me that," you grit.
On the other end, Jungkook chuckles, relishing in your distaste. "What if I put a couple letters on the end though? You seem the type to be into momm—"
"Just get here!" You hang up instantly. What the hell was he on?
Twelve minutes pass and you're again checking your phone feverishly. Jungkook was supposed to be here by now but there hasn't been any sight of him. You're about to ring him up for the third time today when you feel a body brush against your arm.
"Sorry!" Jungkook leans on the handle of his suitcase, taking deep breaths. "There was...someone had a pocket knife in front of me and it held us up."
"Well if you had–" You pause realizing you really are starting to sound like a mom. So much so that you're making your own skin crawl. You recall Eun-ji's wise words a couple days ago. 'Stop complaining __, it'll cause wrinkles.'
'"It's alright," you mutter. "At least you're here."
"Really? That's it? Thought you were gonna scold me again. 'Jungkook you friggin' embarrassment, I told you to leave early so we'd be here on time. You're lucky I don't send you back to your dad and doom your future right now'."
Oh fuck no. He did not just try imitating you and in such a horrid voice too.
"That's not how I sound and you know it."
Jungkook snorts at your sour face. He isn't trying to be a thorn in the side but he's also not about to let you keep your stiff exterior. Being a CEO's son showed him the true price of being an uptight businessman and it isn't in his interest to let another person, especially his age, live life not knowing how to relax and what was that phrase...smell the roses?
"C'mon sunshine, I'm just kidding around," he says. "Also, glass half full, I did make it here before the plane took off. First day on the job and I'm already killing it."
"How about I make you my assistant instead of a partner," you bite. "And you only talk when spoken to?"
"You wouldn't."
Line finally starting to move you tighten the grip on your luggage and move with the crowd. You tilt your head to the side and flash Jungkook a tight lipped smile that said, 'try it bitch'.
"You're cruel you know that?" Jungkook grabs his own luggage and follows your lead.
Stunning. Immaculate. Expensive.
The list goes on as you and Jungkook walk through the golden doors of White Lotus. Everywhere you look, masterpieces from the great masters hang from the walls and cover the ceiling. You notice the same gold on the door is used as trim for the ceiling as decorative accents mount its corners. Dangling above is a giant glass chandelier, while below you are beige marble floors.
Taehyung certainly doesn't skimp, does he...
"Welcome to White Lotus," the receptionist says. "Do you have a reservation?"
Blinking yourself out of your daze, you walk up to the receptionist's desk. "Yes, we're here under the name Jeon." You usher Jungkook over who takes his ID out of his wallet. The receptionist scans both yours and his before sliding them back.
"Saengnim has been expecting you Ms. __," the woman says. "He's absolutely delighted you're here. Your rooms will be on the 29th floor, breakfast is 7am-10am, and wifi is inside." You're handed two key cards with a warm smile.
"Thank you, Hana," you say, reading the woman's name tag. "We're privileged to be in such a beautiful place."
"Isn't it?" Hana sweeps her eyes around the room with wonder. "Saengnim chooses each and every part of this hotel with immense detail. He wants every guest to be met with the best service and completely dazzled."
"It would seem so," you reply, following her trail. "This is by far, the most extravagant hotel I've ever stayed in. It's clear how it has earned an unbelievably positive reputation. Its creator loves it, cherishes it as his own."
Meeting your eyes again, Hana retains her warm smile. "I'm glad you see it too. It's true Saengnim has poured his heart and soul into White Lotus. Guests from all over the world have come just to see what Saengnim designed. And sometimes, they even get to meet him." Hana suddenly pauses, a hint of shyness creeping up on her cheeks. "Forgive me, I don't mean to keep you. I should let you both rest."
"No, please don't apologize," you urge. "It's great to see such admiration." Evidently, Kim Taheyung isn't the only one who has been dedicated to White Lotus. You and Jungkook bid Hana good night for the evening then follow the bellhop to the elevator.
"So tomorrow, remember, let me handle Kim."
"Okay yeah, I gotcha." Jungkook grazes the blackout curtains with the tips of his fingers. He peaks out the window next, taking in the breathtaking view of Seoul at night.
"Are you even listening to me?"
The man turns around, flinging his arms in the air. "Honestly, not really. Look at this room __. It's fucking huge!"
"I know, it's so ethereal. But I need you to concentrate for a second. Our meeting starts tomorrow and I need us to be on the same page. Technically, we'll be touring the hotel with Kim and whatnot so nothing's getting signed, but still. We can't be underprepared."
"I will talk as little as possible. I give you my word."
"Good." You give a slight nod and hoist your suitcase on the bed. "By the way, did you find out anything about Kim's background?"
"Uh shit–knew I forgot something. I'm going to read up about him right now!" In a mad hurry, Jungkook heads for his room.
"Wait, before you go–"
Dammit. You'll just text him.
__: Don't forget we meet Kim at 9 a.m. [sent at 9:56pm]
Jungkook: I'll be up at 6 a.m. Gotta scope out Kim's gym while I'm here. Bet it's loaded with the best equipment. You should join me! [sent at 9:58pm]
__: Mm, thanks but no thanks. [sent at 10:00pm]
Jungkook: Suit yourself. See ya in the morning!! [sent at 10:03pm]
Alright __, you've showered, gone over your notes, hell you even practiced a few lines in front of the bathroom mirror. It's time to sleep. Lazily, you flop yourself on the bed, starfish and all. You feel your eyelids closing, pulling you into dreamland until a cool breeze tickles your bare thighs.
"Ugh", you groan.
You forgot you were still in your robe. Would it be horrible to just sleep naked tonight? Sitting upright you fiddle with the knot of the silk material. Not a bad idea, __. You start loosening the knot before shaking the robe off your shoulders. You let out a–
"__!" Without warning the joint door between you and Jungkook thrusts open. Your partner bursts through your room, eyes shifting into a bugged-out expression when he sees your nearly bare state.
"Oh my god, Jungkook! You can't just come in like that, fuck!" Panicked, you wrap the material back around your chest, clinging it tight against your breasts. "Go back, go back until I say come in!"
Stunned look on his face, Jungkook retreats to his room. He ends up bumping into the doorframe clumsily before slamming the door shut. "I'm so sorry __! Shit, I didn't mean to walk in on you or anything. It's...I came in because something happened. Fuck, I swear I didn't see anything. It was like a blur."
Shutupshutupshutup
You quickly retie the straps of your robe, mentally calming yourself. "Jungkook if you have any respect for me, please forget this. And for the love of might, don't tell anyone!"
"No, of course not! I-I've forgotten already." On the other side of the door, Jungkook curses himself. 'Are you a fucking idiot or something? Just walking into her room like that this late at night.' He paces in a small circle, fists clenched. "Okay, breathe. It's just tits. Tits Jungkook, you've seen–fuck!'
Why? Why did he have to be here?! From Jungkook almost missing this morning's flight to being overwhelmingly underprepared for tomorrow's meeting and now walking in on you, tits out and all, Jungkook is easily the worst partner you've had! No wonder you prefer working alone.
"Uhm, something..." You clear your throat. "Something happened you said?" You brace yourself for whatever chaos Jungkook's brought this time.
Jungkook is slow to form a reply but in a near whisper, he says, "I think I just met Taehyung. Actually, I know I met him. Yeah 'cause, I shook his hand...right before I spilled ice over his perfectly shined loafers. Gucci. Please don't send me back to my dad!"
A/N: Thanks for stopping by! As always, lmk your thoughts. See ya! 💞
Masterlist
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#btshoneyhive#bangtanbathhouse#jungkook smut#taehyung smut#bts smut#bts fanfic#jungkook x reader#taehyung x reader#jungkook fluff#taehyung fluff#jungkook angst#taehyung angst#fic:fineprint#kookslastbutton
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Worm Arc 9 thoughts:
Not enough of my daughter. Where is my baby girl? Though I do enjoy getting different PoVs. It'll work for a little bit.
Weld is neat. Didn't feel great about him at first but he grew on me. His scene with Vista made me love him. He's a good kid. (He should probably have learned Aegis, Gallant, and Browbeat's names before talking to the team the first time though)
On the note of that scene - THEY HAD A THERAPIST THIS ENTIRE TIME? The Wards had a therapist available to them and no one was having them see said therapist after 3 of their teammates died? Piggot is so bad at this.
Me reading Flechette's chapter with the aim of making her gay as I have done with everyone else: "Oh wow this is a really easy one!"
I wanted to see more of Parian sooo badly after I first saw her and I'm so fucking glad this is how I see her! Flechette and Parian are wonderful and I hope they get gay married and retire together.
Me saying that probably highly increases the chance that one of them dies in the future.
I'm very glad Flechette gave up on Shadow Stalker. I like Flechette and she shouldn't have to deal with that asshole.
I feel so bad for Clockblocker. He's just a kid and his dad is dying and that sucks. I wanna bake him some cookies or something.
The professor of that class was so clearly identifiable as "one of those professors". All "up until now you haven't had to think, but in Parahumans 103 you'll need to think and I'm not gonna baby you yada yada". It's still just a 100 level course dude, geeze. Get off your high horse.
Clockblocker and Vista are siblings and I love their dynamic.
Despite me feeling for these kids some, the second the Travelers started clowning on them I was enjoying the shit out of myself.
Fucking Trickster is just so much damn fun. His powers are cool and he really lives up to his name. I love him.
Glory Girl getting rocketed off into the sky by Ballistic had me in tears from laughter.
Kid Win has ADHD. I was sure Kid Win had ADHD before I even started on the Kid Win chapter where he says he has ADHD. Someone get this kid some Adderall. And some therapy for all that self doubt and imposter syndrome.
Kid Win also didn't even hesitate to illegally spy on Chariots personal computer by hacking into the wi-fi, so that doesn't give me great confidence in the Wards following rules. Or any heroes. I'm sure that won't ever come up again though.
These Slaughter House Nine guys I'm sure won't be a big deal. They won't do horrible things to hundreds of people. Gonna be taken care of by heroes off screen during the next arc. No worries at all!
Vista joined the team when she was 10? The superhero team that has to deal with death on a semi-regular basis and terrifying violence all the time. That team. She joined it when she was TEN?! Shitty system you guys have here!
Saved the best for last - SHADOW STALKER GETTING FUCKING MEMED ON BY MY WONDERFUL DAUGHTER! (And my daughters friends)
God I wasn't sure about her chapter at first. She is so mean and I didn't necessarily want to spend a long time in her head watching her be mean. But then my daughter showed up in a swarm of bugs and fucked up a bunch of Nazis and I knew everything was going to be ok.
The instant Shadow Stalker started to follow Skitter I knew she was gonna get fucking wrecked. I don't know why I knew, maybe I just know my daughter well enough. But no matter the reason I was so happy to watch it happen. Wasn't worried for Skitter at any moment cause I knew she was gonna bitch slap this asshole.
Just. Damn I fucking LOVE watching my daughter just be a goddess of bugs and go to town.
I could keep going about Shadow Stalker getting absolutely destroyed for who knows how long, so I'll just have to stop myself.
And we see a new person with the Undersiders, did Aisha get her powers? I'm so happy for her! I can't wait to see what they are.
Imp is a great name and it's kinda fucking bonkers it wasn't taken by somebody else already.
Did I mention Shadow Stalker getting clowned?
Cause she did.
Just completely baited and then my wonderful baby girl even got to tase her. I'm so happy for her. Sometimes a little violence is the answer.
#Worm#Worm Web Serial#Parahumans#Cairavende reads Worm#The Wards#Vista is baby#Flechette and Parian are always going to live a happy gay life in my head no matter what actually happens#Parian is too pure for this world#Shadow Stalker getting taken to FUCKING CLOWN TOWN#I love my wonderful bug daughter so much#Seriously though how bad can a group of villains call The Slaughterhouse Nine actually be?
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Hi Fei, not sure if this message becomes public or not but I couldn't find any other way to contact you.
Just wanted to apologise for my comment on chapter 35.
I realise in retrospect it might have seemed rude, I was trying to be funny. So, I'm very sorry, and I don't want you to think I didn't enjoy the chapter. I have deleted the comment.
If I may take this chance as well, you have been an inspiration to me, I love your writing. I am too an aspiring writer that took a sabbatical for many years, though my self doubt is my biggest saboteur right now. I would love to know how you honed your craft, your words are so beautifully written.
I look forward to the next chapter ♥
First of all, hello and thank you for reaching out to me! ♥
I'm afraid my memory doesn't work properly (it never does, sadly), but I'm pretty sure no comment made me think "oh, that was rude", so don't worry at all ♥
Gonna admit now I'm curious 'bout what that was owo But I will not ask for you to share that again if it makes you feel uncomfortable!
Your words means a lot to me! ♥
I had inspiration issues for half of my life. I was around fifteen when I wrote my last paragraph, and after that I didn't for other fifteen years. Honest to God, Good Omens and its community saved me in more than a way when I was at my lowest - helped me both with coming back at writing, and starting drawing for myself.
I startend enjoying things again. And I needed that.
So, since finding inspiration again was so meaningful to me, being able to inspire others is like I achieved something so big I can't really find words to express it properly. It makes me feel kinda... Oh, dunno.
I guess we can go with: blessed.
Finding inspiration was (and is) an healing process to me.
And I hope it'll be the same to others. So if it came to me, I can only be SO glad to know!! So thank you so much for sharing this!! ♥
Let me tell you this: I am my biggest saboteur myself. So I do understand what you say, and I can guess what you feel right now. My suggestion is something practical. Go in front of the mirror, tell yourself what you want to do and look straight into your eyes.
Then, say: "I will do it. And you will NOT stop me."
Then say the same to all the people who might go against you. Nobody, not even yourself, should have the power to stop you from doing the things you love. It may be hard at the very start, troublesome meanwhile, but I can assure you nothing's better than being able to live your dreams.
All I can do for you now is assuring you I am on your side!
And I am sure you can do whatever makes you feel happy.
Last, but not least (dear Lord I wrote so much and I'm not done yet.......), your last question. Funny thing to answer that one, actually.
'cause I never practiced. I never studied a way to arrange phrases and words, actually right now I'm always a bit overwhelmed anytime I sit myself in front of the screen and open my file to start writing.
I'll tell you, I'm the messiest people in the entire universe. I had all the plot already written back in november, but yet my characters slip off my hands and do whatever they want. Does it makes any sense to you? I have to costantly re-arrange my plot to make sure everything have some kind of logic.
The rest come from my own mind. Sugar, specifically, means a lot to me under a lot of different aspects. Both characters holds part of myself, my own traumas, my own experiences, my own mazes and struggles. I think maybe sometimes things went when I didn't want them to go 'cause my mind played dirty on me and I was unable to stop it. But I don't complain. So I'm afraid I don't have a real answer but this one: I just put myself into every single word I write. I play all the scenes in my mind just like watching movies. I feel what my characters does and, I will not deny this, oftern I cry while doing that too. I'm a bit too much emphatic, perhaps?
Gonna admit, writing Sugar is exactly like going to therapy to me. Goes just along with that, it helps me process myself, my own emotions, helps me validate anything bad I've ever felt.
Well uh, I got pretty carried away with this answer but I hope you can find something helpful around all of these messy words of mine ♥
(And sorry for my poor english if I made some mistake here and there, I fully believe in honest-to-God messages when it comes to answer people, both in comments, chat or anywhere else, so I never actually go back trying to correct my messages. Dunno, it feels like leaving you all full access to my stream of consciousness everytime I give answers like these. Not sure this makes sense. To me it does.)
Don't ever ever be afraid to tell me what you think or reach out!
I'll always be here, happy to give you an answer.
Thank you so much! ♥
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Not that you have to, but do you think you could ever maybe post some helpful tips from your therapist sometime? You know, for those of us too poor for an diagnosis or a therapist. Love your posts 💜
I sure can try! I mean my therapy is tailored to my issues and my strengths, so I'll have to try and Broad Strokes it, but I'm sure many of us suffer similarly so someone might get some use from it
an analogy my psychologist is fond of using that's helped me understand emotional overload is a water tank, it's like the spoons thing
everyone has a water tank, and it drains when you do something physically or emotionally taxing, if you have autism (or another neurodivergence or mental illness or chronic condition I guess) your tank tends to drain faster or far more easily over minor things
like for example, I just moved house, it's a big change, change is overwhelming and scary, if a neurotypical person moves house, their tank drains when they're moving stuff, putting things away, getting the hang of the new set up, but once everything is settled their tank stops draining
for me, because change is very difficult, even though my new kitchen is organised how I like it, and I know where everything is, it is still mentally taxing to use it because it's different and that takes more getting used to for an autism brain, my tank is still draining just using this kitchen and it will for a while
and that applies to the whole house, everything is different, everything takes getting used to, so my tank right now is being drained every moment I'm up and doing something, which is why I've been struggling a lot more to get out of bed or off the lounge, because the lounge and bed came from my old house and they're familiar
things that used to drain my tank a little (cooking, showering, brushing my teeth) now drain my tank twice as fast because everything is in a different place
you cannot function on an empty tank, that's how you get meltdowns and shutdowns, you need to give yourself time to refill, stimming can refill it a little, leisure activities and hobbies can refill it a lot, familiar things, calming things help, but SLEEP is the big one
she told me that SLEEP is what an overstimulated brain needs the most, get enough sleep and you can completely refill your tank
honestly it's a lot like the energy bar in Stardew Valley, if you go to bed late your energy takes penalties for every hour after midnight, that's accurate to life, your brain won't finish regulating without proper rest, you won't fill your tank
absolute gamechanger learning that, like you always know that you feel crappy if you don't get enough rest, but knowing that it's majorly cutting down your ability to handle all the other draining things in your life? it really helped me prioritise good sleeping habits
like I always sacrificed sleep for leisure activities thinking that they were what I needed most to refill my tank, but in reality it was way less effective
she also taught me that blue light filters on phone screens aren't 100% effective and phones can still impact your ability to fall asleep quickly, she told me just taking an extra fifteen to twenty minutes of doing something without a screen before bedtime will help a lot, for me that's been reading a book, I really wanted to start getting through more books so she told me to combine strategies, use the book to help get better sleep
I used to read voraciously as a kid, but burnt myself out and now struggle to just pick one up, but I was worried that if I DID get invested once I started, that I would accidentally lose track of time and stay up late reading, losing sleep like when I was a kid and would end up staying up until 3am
so my therapist says 'didn't you tell me you do that all the time with your phone and get frustrated with yourself because you find social media and app games unfulfilling? Well if you accidentally stay up late reading a book instead, you might be annoyed that you stayed up late, but at least you have the positive aspect of having done a task you find fulfilling, instead of the double negative of staying up and being frustrated that it was because of using your phone, and also you're more likely to get tired and start falling asleep while reading than you are staring at a screen'
and this isn't 'all screens are bad phones are the devil' rhetoric, she doesn't demonise my phone or how much time I spend on it (I was the one who asked for help with my phone use) but she DOES recognise that a lot of social media and app games are designed to suck you in, and they're extremely effective on adhd brains, I'm not just struggling because I have poor self control, I'm struggling because corporate greed is taking advantage of my adhd by using every psychological trick in the book to keep me online
and that is something I was already aware of and recognised, so I was actively asking her for advice on how to get around it because it was making me feel like crap, and her advice is working! I DO have a much easier time putting my book away than my phone because I DO feel more tired after reading
and now I've introduced this new rule of 'no phones after reading we just go straight to sleep' my autism brain is latching onto the new habit, I check all my social medias before picking up the book, so I'm less tempted to check them AFTER the book, the only thing I do after reading is load up one of the podcasts or spotify playlists I listen to when I go to sleep
even if I do accidentally stay up late on my phone, I will still try to fit at least ten minutes of reading before I try to sleep, even if it's 2am, and it really does help settle my adhd brain
I know this probably won't help everyone, but it's worth at least trying, another thing she told me is 'don't be afraid of trying new habits because you're the one in control, you can stop at any time if you think it isn't working, but you won't know if it'll work if you don't at least try it out, you can set a goal, try it for a week and see how you feel, there's no real consequence to just giving it a go'
I was doing really well with some of my new habits, and then I got sick for a week and they all went out the window, my next appointment with her I shared how frustrated I was about having to start them from scratch, she told me 'but you aren't starting from scratch, you tried it out, you know it's effective, and you know you can do it, you've had practice now, it's not a mystery any more, it's something that you know works for you, that isn't starting from scratch, it's picking it up again with experience'
THAT was something I really needed to hear
I hope you can find some of this helpful anon, if I get any more groundbreaking advice I'll try to share it ~
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𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 - 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐬��𝐢𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭, 𝐬𝐚𝐦 𝐟𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫
𝐓𝐖: 𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅 𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐌
𝐒𝐚𝐦
"You okay pet? You seem to have thrown yourself into work since the other night" Mam asks as I sit staring at my phone in the kitchen.
"Aye, just getting my arse in gear. Don't worry" I say, playing it off.
"Howay lad, you are gonna have a brew with me and tell me what's going on" She orders, turning the kettle on and staring me down till I put my phone away.
I shake my head at my mother but I follow her orders, needing to talk to someone even if it was my poor mam.
"I saw Arabella the other night when I was out with the lads" I whisper into the silence, not quite believing it myself.
"Please don't tell me you fucked up again child" She says pointing at me as a joke, making me sigh in reply.
"No, we sat on the beach and I calmed her down from some anxiety attack. I felt so stupid running after her but I couldn't help it. It's like a switch in my brain once I see her and I fall in love with her all over again so many years later" I lightly explain.
"Oh my darling, some loves don't go whether we are teenagers or in our bloody nineties and clearly you love Arabella but that story is better left be. You hurt her too much, she ran away from her safety at eighteen. I'm sorry Sam, but you did good to look after her and I'm sure she appreciates it. Maybe friends are on the cards pet?" My mam says, trying her best to help as I hum in response.
"I'm going go up to my room for a bit" I say, placing of kiss of thanks on her cheek.
As soon as I get to my room, I lock my door and do something I hadn't done in ten maybe twelve years. I opened my wardrobe, pulling the familiar green jacket down from the back. As soon as I see the familiar stripes down the arms, the guilt washes over me.
It all played through my mind as if it was some black and white short film. Then came the self-deprecating thoughts. The hatred for myself, the hatred for my actions, the disbelief.
I smiled to myself as I saw a notification from her appear on my screen. I clicked on the message as soon as I could.
Arabella: I did a stupid thing and forgot my jacket so you're gonna have to deal with cold me all day x
Sam: Do you not have another?? x
Arabella: Sadly not, no other fits over my blazer x
Sam: That sucks, don't worry I won't let you get cold x
It was now later in the day and I was now with Arabella at break with all my mates, Dean eyeing my jacket as she started to shiver. I was already two steps ahead of you Deano I thought as I turned to her.
"Do you want my jacket?" I asked, as she did her little cold dance.
"No it's okay. Don't worry Sam" She assured me.
"Howay, take the jacket before you freeze to death. Come on I'll hold your bag, I'm not that cold anyway" I said, handing her my bag as I peeled off my jacket for her.
We both smiled at the image of her in my jacket, the sleeves being long enough for her to do her hand thing without pulling it and the jacket reaching half way down her thigh.
I replayed the image over and over in my head. Dying to go back to those days. The innocence. The love. The comfort.
The week after we broke up, I switched to my waterproof jacket then eventually two jackets out of spite. I wanted her to be mad at me, hate me because I thought she would at least argue with me but she never did. She kept it bottled it up.
If possible I hated myself even more now. I hated myself for the way I treated her, the way I broke up with her, for breaking up with her. I had the best thing ever and I threw it away for the stupidest reasons, not even semi decent reasons. Selfish, horrible, cruel reasons.
I was currently in therapy and she always tried to get me to open up about Arabella but I just couldn't. I internally shiver and cringe at the thought of it all. I placed the jacket in it's designated place and caught myself in the mirror. Similar to the way I had that night.
I could still picture my tear stained eyes and face, the hatred for myself that never went just seemed to grow into this cloud of darkness over my head all the time.
I stared around my bedroom, memories playing over and over of her, of us. It was like one giant whirlpool that seemed to increase in speed. Then come the racing heartbeat, rapid breathing, shaking body and anger.
I pulled at my hair, bit at my nails and lip, tugged at everything possible before completely losing it. Grabbing a nearby glass, throwing it at my wardrobe aiming for the top shelf.
"Fuck you Sam. You cruel fucking person. Then you have the decency to fucking act like some sweetheart in public. Everyone should hate you. I hate you" I shouted at myself.
The anger didn't seem to calm this time, it seemed to grow. Here we go, been here before. I grabbed a nearby razor, tearing it across my skin like it was paper. I watched the whiteness, the innocence become covered by the red, the evil. I made my mark of hatred once again. Yet all the tears didn't seem to soothe the anger, I accepted it. I deservered it.
Why Sam? Why did you do all this?
#sam fender concert#sam fender x reader#sam fender#sam fender smut#sam fender imagines#youshouldn'thavesaidthat#indie#imagines#imagine#one shot#oneshot#sam fender one shot#music
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equestrian therapist jean and his newest patient and perpetual bundle of nerves armin arlert? if you feel like it :)
After debating how exactly you meant "equestrian therapist Jean" and deciding you were making a horse joke (can't blame you, it never gets old. lol) and not in fact saying that Jean is a horse therapist (?), here's your drabble.
Jean sits in his office, his eyes scanning quickly over his computer screen. He'd seen a few patients already today, but he's supposed to see a new one in the next half hour. He looks over the patient's file. Armin Arlert, moderate to severe anxiety disorder. Moderate recurrent depression. It's nothing Jean hasn't seen in abundance before, and he's sure he'll be able to handle this patient just fine.
He takes his downtime to enjoy his lunch, waiting for the message to pop up on his computer that Armin Arlert had checked in for his appointment. He doesn't expect to get the message nearly twenty minutes before the appointment time that was scheduled, though. He quickly finishes up his lunch, not wanting to keep his new patient waiting any longer, and heads out to the waiting room to call his name.
"Armin Arlert," Jean's voice pierces the silence of the waiting room and, almost immediately, a petite, blonde-haired, blue-eyed man stands up and makes his way toward the doorway that Jean is standing in.
Armin doesn't say anything, and he keeps his head down, looking at the ground, as he passes by Jean and into the hallway that leads to Jean's office. The taller man takes the lead, walking a few doors down the hall and then motioning for Armin to enter the room ahead of him.
"Mr. Arlert, it's nice to meet you. I'm Jean Kirstein. Do you wanna tell me a little bit about yourself? Just so that I can get to know you a little better." Jean smiles, trying to be as kind as possible. He takes a seat in his desk chair and motions for Armin to take a seat across from him. He can tell just by Armin's body language that he's uncomfortable in this situation. He chews at his lip, his hands are constantly moving, picking at his cuticles or just wringing in his lap.
"U-um...you can just call me Armin, that would be better, actually." Armin starts, a little stutter in his voice that Jean can't help but find a little bit cute. "Well...I mostly just wanted to try out therapy because I'm just...anxious all the time. I'm not really sure how to deal with it, and it kinda makes certain parts of life harder. Um...I've never been to therapy before so I'm kinda nervous...I'm not really sure what to say or do."
"That's alright, I don't expect you to tell me everything right off the bat. You have to build trust with people before you can talk about the serious stuff. Let's start with this, what are some of your hobbies? Tell me what you like to do to relax."
"Oh...uh, well...I like to play video games, and I like reading. Sometimes I'll go for a hike or something in the woods, just to be alone and be able to breathe. Being in nature relaxes me a little. I especially like the beach."
"Ah, who doesn't like the beach? It's really relaxing, right?" Jean asks, trying to make the conversation feel natural and help Armin feel more comfortable. He's always been charismatic, so it's normally easy for him to carry comfortable conversations with patients, he doesn't think it'll be much different with Armin.
"Yeah...it's especially peaceful there. I can just be alone with the sound of the waves and the smell of the salt water. It's really relaxing. It makes me feel like everything will be okay, even if I don't really think it will."
"Oh? Is there a reason that you think things won't be okay for you?" He tries not to make it sound too analytical, but he thinks there's something to dig for here. Armin tenses a bit, indicating to Jean that he's probably right, so he dials back his pressure a bit. "You don't have to tell me about it, of course, only if you want to."
"Um...well I just...tend to worry a lot. About a lot of things. Work, school, what my parents think of me, what my friends think of me...it can all just get overwhelming sometimes. Being at the ocean just calms me down."
"Hm, tell me more about your parents, if you're comfortable. What makes you so concerned about how they think of you?" Jean leans back in his chair, crossing one leg over the other as he waits for Armin's response. Armin's posture is not nearly as relaxed, though. He sits bolt upright in his chair, his hands constantly fiddling in his lap. It seems the man just can't sit still.
"My parents have always been kind of...judgemental. They expect a lot from me, and it's a lot of pressure. Sometimes it feels like they're just trying to live vicariously through me. My family has always been well off, but they wanna make sure I can support myself and make a lot of money like they do, I guess. There's a lot of pressure for me to become a doctor, even though that's not really what I wanna do."
Jean frowns, he's heard these kinds of stories from patients before. Parents push their children to go above and beyond and put so much pressure on their adult children to follow the career path that they think is best. They never take their children's opinions or wants into consideration.
"Ah, I see, that's rough. Have you tried to talk to your parents about this?" He asks, and Armin immediately averts his gaze, not that he had held more than a second of eye contact with Jean since they arrived in his office, anyway.
"N-not really. I'd rather just avoid confrontation with them. They do a lot for me, I don't wanna disappoint them." Armin answers, though it feels to Jean like Armin knows that what he's saying isn't great as the words leave his lips.
"I see. It's important to show them that you're appreciative of all they do for you, but that doesn't mean that you should give up your personal happiness. Sometimes you have to have a tough conversation in order for a relationship to grow and thrive."
“Ah…it’s not really that easy for me. My parents…They’re hard to deal with. If it wasn’t for them I wouldn’t be able to go to school and further my education at all. The major they want me in isn’t exactly my first choice…but it’s better than nothing, right?”
“Armin, you have to think about what makes you happy. You can’t live to please your parents for your whole life, you’ll make yourself miserable, and that’s no way to live. I think you should try setting some boundaries with them. Make them realize that you are their child, but you’re an adult. You can’t live your life according to their wants forever.”
“But…what if they get angry with me? What if they tell me never to come home again? Or if they’re so disappointed that they don’t even want to call me their son anymore? I don’t want anything like that to happen just because I can’t suck it up and do what they want me to do.” Armin’s anxiousness increases tenfold as he’s asking all these questions, and it’s so noticeable that Jean thinks he can almost feel it in the air.
“If your parents get that upset about you following your dreams, maybe they’re the ones that need to second guess how they’re acting toward you. Tell me, Armin, what is it that you want to do with your life? You mentioned they want you to be a doctor, but that’s not something you want for yourself. What’s your ideal career?”
“Um…a marine biologist,” Armin answers shyly, as if he’s afraid to utter the words.
“Because of your love for the ocean. I think you’d be very happy in a job like that. Do they understand how passionate you are about this career field? How much you love the ocean?”
“I…I’m not sure. I think it’s pretty obvious that I love the ocean and the beach from how happy I am when we visit places like that. They just don’t see any use in a degree like that, I guess.”
“I’m gonna challenge you to do something this week. I don’t want you to push yourself, by any means, but I’d like you to at least try it and then let me know how it turns out, alright?” Jean doesn’t elaborate just yet. He waits for Armin to answer in the affirmative, receiving a small nod before he continues. “Try talking to your parents about your career path. Show them how passionate you are about being a marine biologist. Show them that it’s a legitimate field of study, and that it makes a decent amount of money for you to be able to support yourself, and see how they react.”
Jean reaches into his desk drawer and pulls out his card, his name embossed in the cardstock paper in pretty silver writing with his work and cell phone numbers.
“If you need me after that conversation, please feel free to call me. I’m always here to help you through something tough. I think this will be a good exercise for you, Armin, and I think that you’ll find that it makes you a little bit happier in the long run.”
He reaches out to hand his card over to Armin and the blonde takes it out of his hand gently. Jean watches as Armin runs his fingers over the lettering on the card, almost as if he’s studying it, before he tucks it into his pocket for safe keeping.
“And that offer goes for any time you think you might need some guidance. Part of me being your therapist means being on call for you when you need me the most. Just remember that I’m here to help you, alright?” Jean asks, and Armin looks up and nods again, finally making eye contact with Jean again. His heart skips a beat, those striking blue eyes are filled with a thin layer of tears. He’s used to patients crying, but for some reason seeing Armin do it tugs at his heart strings a little more.
“Thank you…I can tell already that therapy is gonna be good for me. You seem like the kind of therapist I need…Can we schedule another appointment for next week, please?” Armin asks, taking a deep breath to try and calm himself so that the tears in his eyes don’t fall.
“Of course, I’ll be happy to make as many appointments with you as you need. You can see the receptionist on the way out.”
Jean stands and Armin mirrors his actions. They both walk to the door that will lead Armin back into the waiting area so that he can make another appointment for next week, and Jean pauses.
“Take care of yourself, Armin. And remember, please don’t hesitate to call me if you need me.” Jean says, making sure that Armin understands he’s serious.
“I will…thank you. I’ll see you next week. I’ll try my best to do what you challenged me to.” Armin answers and Jean smiles and turns to head back to his office. Armin Arlert, his newest patient, may be a bit of a challenge, but Jean has never backed down from a challenge yet.
Okay! There we go! I hope you enjoy and that I wrote the correct thing for the prompt you gave me! lol
#Jearmin#Drabbles#Erika Writes#My Writing#Fanfiction#Jean Kirstein#Armin Arlert#snk#aot#modern au#therapist Jean
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Just finished Yakuza 3 so here's some of my thoughts:
BEAUTIFUL EYES
Richardson and Kiryu talking at each other in different languages was so funny to me. Like they don't understand each other yet stubbornly keep talking as if they did XD
RIKIYA DYING WAS SO UNNECESSARY FOR THE PLOT WHYY like Kiryu has GOT to get rid of his stupid habit of leaving defeated enemies to their devices around various lethal objects (especially guns). Because they always, ALWAYS get back up. I'm not saying he should kill them. But like secure them in SOME way. Start carrying around some rope or something. I'm not ashamed to admit that I cried.
Damn, Mine, babygirl, you are so beyond fucked up you need therapy BAD
Poor Daigo like imagine getting shot, being in a coma and you wake up on a rooftop in fucking december, toes freezing off, falling off of a hospital bed and immediately being greeted with the sight of several gun wielding assholes. You shoot them, still confused about what's going on (why tf is your father-figure of sorts there? Why is the dude u wished was ir boyfriend there? WHY ARE THEY SHIRTLESS AND BLOODY). Then ur crush starts spouting cryptic shit, the dude you shot somehow still has fight in him and to save you, your crush charges at him, getting shot multiple times and then tells you that he doesnt deserve to live before throwing himself off the roof. You've been awake for three minutes.
Also Haruka slapping Mine was EPIC. She should have kept going, kicked Mine in the shin, bitten his arm etc all feral foaming-at-the-mouth chihuahua mode
Also Mine feeling good about himself for having slapped a teen back. A grown ass adult. Like damn dude has issues
I'm stilk very upset about Rikiya. Like one moment I would run away from him in the Kamurocho streets and giggle with a warm feeling in my chest when he'd scream "ANIKII!!" and then the next he fell victim to this stupid gimmick of defeated opponents not being taken care of properly
I honestly feel like that gimmick is so overdone at this point
I think I did something wrong during the final boss battle because Mine was constantly going into this Jojo's bizarre adventure pose and regenerating health AND I had to do like the exact same QTE cutscene like four times even though I never failed it (besides the first time)
RIGHT I ALMOST FORGOT my steam screenshot folder is prob like 90% just various Majima facial expressions because I enjoyed them so much. Reminds me of that post going like "while older character models are kinda eh Majima's crowfeet in them slap!" and I really agree. I'm playing the games chronologically and when I got to YK2 something about Majima just looked extremely off but I couldn't put my finger on it. I think that's it tho they ironed him out and took away his wrinkles :(. Like obvs the model is still good it was just a weird change that I'm not sure why they implemented it. Anyway the Y3 Majima expressions are fucking precious especially the grins
Also pink truck scene probably best scene in the game it was so cute the way Majima was worried that he accidentally ran over Kiryu <3
I took way too long to finish this game because the old graphics are kind of jarring especially considering I played Judgement and Lost Judgement at the same time, but it was still a pretty good game. (another contributing factor was that for some reason the game doesn't allow me to do anything else on my PC besides access the taskbar while I'm playing it so taking short breaks is harder. The game literally does not allow for any apps to show up on screen) I'd really like a YK3 I think that would be epic especially to get an updated Rikiya model (I think there's an updated Mine model in Ishin? Idk anyway just more modern graphics would be really cool)
I can continue with Y4 now, which I'm really excited for because I've hears quite a bit of stuff about Akiyama and Saejima and this will be like the first proper contact with them and their storylines. I've actually started Y4 already and Akiyama has major cat energy to me
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Wowie it's been a while hi hi hi– hsr came out and i’ve been obsessed with revue starlight ++ school just started so my life has been HECTIC.
First of all, kushina training shisui >>>> that's such a cool idea!!! I have alot of ideas but they’re super self indulgent and super long so– second of all, I FINALLY CAUGHT UP ON UDB!!!
Small spoilers for below btw; for people who haven’t caught up read from bold
kisame/shisui living near a beach– away from konohagakure and the rest of the village bullshit and… gah! I know that wont happen despite what happened within the story abt shisui’s loyalty but its nice to imagine that scenario… (also, jiraiya being the deal breaker for shisui to think about defecting… not danzo, BUT JIRAIYA. Claps for jiraiya please.)
I’m super curious on where the story will go after this– oh and also, how the hell do you write like… 5k+ words per chapter like?? AND THE FACT IT'S SO WELL WRITTEN ASWELL AHFHGH. TEACH ME YOUR SECRETS.
Last of all– i’ve been having root shisui brainrot (is anyone surprised? I will literally latch onto any shisui-centric concept.) and like,, theres this fic where danzo time travels back from his timeline where orochimaru is the 4th hokage and he makes shisui a root agent rather than killing him bcs he made a promise to Kagami that he wouldn’t kill / take care of his descendants.
And its after shisui’s team got fucking DESTROYED so danzo lied abt shisui being dead and brings him back to root. This makes me wonder if Shisui will be one of the few root agents who infiltrates ANBU and stuff–
okay thats all. I don't wanna make this ask longer but your writing is amazing and i would love to dissect your brain because how the hell do you make everything sound so??? Eloquent??? I guess???
- N
Hey, N-anon! Ah, I hope school goes well for you ☺️
Haha, don't worry about "spamming" me with ideas, I'd love to hear them!
Jiraiya did what Danzo couldn't lmao he actually got Shisui so pissed off he walked 🤭 in that what-if scenario at least
Shisui would need a lot more time in therapy before he could comfortably live near water like that, not even mentioning an island get away but who knows! Tea county has a lovely climate and lots of island grottos just off the mainland! 🤣
Actually I average between 8K and 14K per chapter! It's just what happens, I generally hit 8K before I feel the chapter has reached a natural conclusion and if there's lots of action etc then it tends to be even longer~
That sounds like a very interesting fic, I don't usually like to read ones where Danzo survives that long because I want to reach through the screen at kill him with my bare hands 🤭 but Shisui in ROOT sounds like a good, plotty direction!
I'm not sure about dissection lmao but feel free to pick my brain 😂 this was a lovely ask, its great to hear from you again, N-anon! Have a good day/night ☺️
#torship#torship talks#ask#anon#n-anon#shisui#udb#spoilers#fanfic spoilers#hope au#shisui and kushina
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So many thoughts over this ep:
1) i can’t with kinn and porsche being so soft and dreamy around each other 😭 they are OBSESSED WITH ONE ANOTHER, THEY ARE THe KIND OF DISGUSTING COUPLE THAT ONLY SLEEPS CUDDLING I HATE THEM 😭😭😭
2) the one scene when Porsche is blowdrying Kinn’s hair. 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3) love how everything around them is crashing and burning but they are busy with helicopters tours of bangkok and en air blowjobs. GOOD FOR THEM. G O O D F O R T H E M.
4) LMAO @ porsche’s new dream team of bodyguards. My baby doesn’t trust anyone to protect his baby except for himself, and he’s also a jealous little shit 🤷🏻♀️
5) Thankhun is a gem 😭🫶🏼❤️ he was so happy for kinn and when he was boasting about being the one who raised his little brothers to porschay 🥺 also, he already loves porschay!!!! But honestly, who wouldn’t (bitch ass kim i see right through you but still your behavior is unacceptable) (when porsche asks porschay if he can look after him AND kinn both 😭)
6) happy they choose to not follow the book with the r*pe storyline between vegas and pete, bc what we saw was already a lot and yet in this context is still kinda… forgivable? Not exactly the word i’d use but 🤷🏻♀️ still, i too was disturbed by the “feeding” scene :/ even more so than the one with the belt.
7) Vegas having major daddy issues is SUCH a cliché 😪 also, i obviously don’t want to minimize what the lack of love and affection does to a child, but how are you going to complain about your misery and how nobody can understand what you’re going through to your prisoner 😭😭😭 fuck i hate rich people
8) not vegas that going incognito worries only about bringing his prisoner and hid HEDGEHOG ALONG 😭😭😭 i can’t take this bitch seriously for the life of me 🤧 that poor hedgehog must have ptsd from all the shit his owner put it through
9) how is vegas an evil mastermind and yet it’s like his two minute therapy session with pete blows his fucking mind??? Not only he’s a bitch, but he’s also a basic one rip
10) in all seriousness, i kinda hate that these are the premises for a relationship, mostly bc i can wrap my head around vegas loving pete (latching to the first person who ever showed him pure kindness) but not the other way around (if we exclude stockholm syndrome). Still, i’m curious to see how they are going to play this whole thing out.
Bonus: how much longer until we discover why kim started his whole espionage mission and how shady korn is involved with porsche’s parents death?
anon, you are meeeeeee
like, these are my feelings about everything pretty much?
gonna try and address all your points
kinn and porsche being loved up, and confident in their feelings about each other. just enjoying being together.
all the soft intimaciiiiiiiies, as i spoke about yesterday. the domesticity.
i'm obsessed with their love fr
i am genuinely thriving off their happiness and don't care that some people are so bitter over their screen time in a show that is titled after them lol. hope they get all the air head they deserve ♡
tankhun and porschay was something i didn't know i needed until i got it. the way khun immediately saw him and immediately entered eldest sibling mode.
and yeah, when he said he raised them, i got a bit emotional ngl. after their mum died he most certainly was a parental figure to them, because korn for sure wasn't around to do the job.
mmhmm, i knew the should would most likely not have all the sa, but there was this level of anxiety beforehand, and it was nice to like, have it be confirmed. though few moments where vegas is touching pete in a purposefully sexual manner, and kissing his neck had me tense af.
the suggestion was enough to get through how horrifying it all was y'know?
god yeah the feeding scene. i really really didn't like that. the beating scenes are horrible, but, wounds heal. and pete can handle the pain.
the force feeding though...it's the absolute degradation and kinda grossness of it that tipped it for me. it felt so???? raw. definitely had to pause it for a minute.
the daddy issue thing? yeah, it was to be expected. i mean, if you don't have daddy issues, are you even a theerapanyakul? but vegas' total lack of awareness of the situation (him complaining to pete about it, who he isbluterally holding captive) just annoys me. but hey, i guess that's just vegas's whole thing. he's not meant to be liked. he's meant to look pathetic and weak and small in these scenes.
we're meant to see the real vegas.
still, as intriguing, intense and in depth as his character is.....he annoys me sorry. my feelings about vegas are complex atm.
i just wanna see him get throat punched.
vegas should not be a pet owner. that is all.
lmao he is a basic bitch, you're so right anon.
it's the look for confusion though that gets me, when pete starts explaining why his dad does what he does. the man is so emotionally stunted, the thought of someone even possibly understanding how he feels totally baffles him.
god this man is messed up fr 🤦🏾♀️
and this is why we should raise kids in the mafia lol
i'm getting off topic here hold on
yes ok! your last point
see this is my thing too
vegas falling for pete, makes total sense, for the reasons you've stated.
but pete? pete's more emotionally rounded, more clever, just, overall a stronger person, that, i can't see this situation developing into romantic feelings?
i don't even think it's a stockholm syndrome situation. i feel like pete's using the situation (vegas softening up) to bide his time, and eventually escape. i can't see him willingly staying there, even if he does develope some sort of pity for vegas.
so then how do we get from that, to them being in a consensual relationship, in a way that's still true to his character??
it's all??? ugh, i just don't know how to feel about it at all.
but yeah, i guess we'll just have to wait and see how they do it? i'll probably end up being on board in a few eps but as of right now i'm back & forth.
bonus point! i think it'll be pretty soon tbh. we've got 3 eps left, and the ending of this ep was a big revelation - well not so much for us, we been knew korn is behind it all - but for kim it is.
it's all gonna come to a head real soon.
#anon#my reply got so long idek if i made any sense oooops#not gonna out this in the tag though#don't wanna clog it and don't want vp stans to come for me lol
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Adrien's Depression Short Comic By Raine A. LENNIX (THIS IS A FANFICTION):
Part:2/7
* At the Agreste Mansion, in Gabriel Agreste's office, he's talking with his assistant via computer screen *
Nathalie:" ... And the next meeting with the investors is- "
* But she gets cut with a weird look on the Agreste's face *
Gabriel:" Ah... "
Nathalie:" Is everything alright? Sir? "
Gabriel:" Yes. I just felt one of the most powerful breakdowns I've ever felt. I can’t let this one slip away. We'll continue later. "
* But as Gabriel Agreste leaves for his lair, transforms and realizes who this perfect victim is... *
Shadowmoth:Adrien? Again...
* After a moment of consideration, Shadowmoth chooses another person to akumatize. But as he realeases the akuma out... *
Shadowmoth:Wait, what? WHAT IS IT DOING?!
* The akuma senses Adrien's depression. And chooses to go to him instead (like how it did in the Gigantitan with Adrien's bodyguard) *
Shadowmoth:What? What are you doing?! COME BACK!!!
* But the akuma doesn't listen, and it flies towards Adrien's open window... *
Plagg:Adrien! Look out!
Adrien:Huh?!
* Young man gets shocked, seeing the akuma getting inside *
Adrien:I... Pla- TAKE THE RING!!!
* He takes off his ring, throwing it to Plagg. But right before he flies out of the window with the ring, something... Unexpected happens... *
Shadowmoth:NO!
* Adrien and Plagg, both gets frozed by shock, seeing the akuma turning back to white as it was only an inch away from akumatizing him. Plagg gets relieved by that but it doesn't lasts long, that Adrien suddenly crumbles down to his knees, screaming in pain... *
Adrien:Aaarrh!!!
* Plagg rushs to him but before he could say anything, the door gets shut and he hides *
Gabriel:ADRIEN!!!
* Meanwhile at the warehouse *
Alya:Check this one out! It feeds on peoples depressions, and every single negative emotion they feel, until-
Marinette:I. Don't. Care. I thought we agreed we would start reading after we finish organizing!
Alya:Sorry. I'm just so curious to learn more about Senti-Monsters!
Marinette:Yeah, I know. You know what? Let's call it a night. You can take the book with you and read it at home if you want.
Alya:REALLY?!?!?!?!
Marinette:Just make sure to use a cover from another book so nobody finds out.
Alya:Thank you!!!
* An hour after, at the Agreste Mansion's dining room *
" So, are you feeling better now, Adrien? "
* ...The doctor says. Finishing his bottle of water, Adrien looked up to his father, and then to the doctor standing next to him, still pretty confused about all that happened (I didn't gave the doctor a name. Just didn’t feel like it 🤷🤷🤷) *
Adrien:Yeah... I-I'm okey.
Gabriel:No. You're not. You had two panic attacks in the same day, not to mention you almost got akumatized.
* Adrien didn't answer. He didn’t wanted to *
" It's okey. " The doctor said. " You're probably just stressed. That happens to a lot of people in your age. You just need to relax and rest for a few days. And I suggest you take at least one nap at day time during that. It usually helps. And if it doesn't, I'm sure your father can arrange therapy. "
Gabriel:Yes, I would.
* A while after that, Plagg finally gets to talk to Adrien when they get back to his room *
Plagg:Here's your ring back.
* While he puts it back on, Plagg gets even more worried, seeing the exhausted look on his face *
Plagg:You sure you don't want me to-
Adrien:I'm fine! Just... Tired. I'm going to sleep.
Plagg:Oh, no, you don't. You can lie to anyone you'd like, but not to me. Is that clear?
Adrien:I... I'm sorry. I just... I don't know. I don't know why did Shadowmoth retrieved the akuma when he had the chance to akumatize me, and... And I don't know if he did that on purpose! I mean... What if he figured out my identity? And... And then send that akuma on purpose? I...
Plagg:You can't know that for sure.
Adrien:But I have to tell Ladybug, and... And I'll be giving her a reason to take you. I... * Tears starts to fall down again * I don't want to lose you too.
Plagg:Calm. Down. You won't lose me. Tikki once told me something familiar happened to Ladybug too. It's no reason to take me. You don't even have to tell her if you don't want to.
Adrien:I don't? I... Thank you, Plagg.
* And... Here's the hugging scene *
Plagg:You're welcome.
* The next day at school *
Marinette:Where's Adrien?
Nino:He texted me last night. Saying he had a " Thing " that he won't come to school until next week.
Marinette:What? Did his father punished him again?
Nino:It didn’t sound like that, but, maybe.
Alya:He isn't missing much though. It's carrier day.
Marinette:And why wouldn't he be missing something?
Kim:Adrien's a model. He already has a carrier.
Marinette:First of all, modelling is not something you study in college, and Adrien would love to go. And second, I don't think Adrien would want to spend the rest of his life, just doing that.
Alya:I guess we'll see.
* To Marinette's luck, an akuma, the Wishmaker appears in afternoon. During the fight, Ladybug realizes there's a great risk fighting this akuma... *
Ladybug:We can’t get hit! If we do, we'll reveal our secret identities!
Chatnoir:Why's that?
Ladybug:When I was six, I wanted to be the Knitting Fairy, and the Knitting Fairy didn’t wore a mask!
Chatnoir:A knitting fairy? Seriously?
Ladybug:Tell me what was your dream then?
Chatnoir:I...
Ladybug:Hah! You make fun of mine, but you can't tell me yours?
Chatnoir:I don't remember it, okey?!
Ladybug:Oh. Well... We'll still need some help.
Chatnoir:Viperion, you mean?
Ladybug:Be right back!
Chatnoir:Wait!
Ladybug:What?
Chatnoir:I don't like it when you give the miraculouses to the old holders. Shadowmoth knows all of their identities. You're risking their lives too.
Ladybug:I... I don't have time to pick a new snake just now!
Chatnoir:Then why haven't you done it already?
Ladybug:I... I'll just be back with him. We have to deal with Wishmaker. We don't have time to argue.
Chatnoir:Clearly we don't. So be it. I'll just go keep him busy then, like I always do. Maybe I should change my name to " Mr. Distraction " as well, it suits me better.
Ladybug:That’s not what I-
Chatnoir:Tell me then, what did you mean? Am I ju-Aaarrh!
* Chatnoir was able to recognize the pain as he fell down, grabbing his chest. It was the same as what he felt yesterday right after he almost got akumatized *
Chatnoir:Aaaarrh!!!
Ladybug:Chat! Are you okey?!
* Realizing the status, he puts his hands on his head instead, standing back up, pretending it's not that bad, acting the part *
Chatnoir:I'm fine. It's just migraine. You go, I'll deal with the akuma.
Ladybug:But-
Chatnoir:GO!
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#Miraculous#Miraculous Season 4 Fanfictions#Miraculous Fanfictions#Miraculous Ladynoir Conflict#Miraculous Season 4
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idk, bnha ig. s3e22-25
oh yeah, this intro. still wondering who that with the teeth and the goggles is.
…huh. bakugo and tallboi didn't get in.
-- tallboi still doing that headplant thing, huh. 'XD captain-ginyu-ass weirdo
mineta: says literally anything me: skip.
-- how did we use to watch things on the television, without being able to pause or fast-forward or anything? how did we live like that?
"I'll see you at the thing, but I honestly still don't really like you, so apologies in advance!" …I think I like it when people/characters have the capacity to admit they don't really like each other without actually being each other's problem. There's a bit in Bottle Shock (which I'm not really sure why I've seen, tbph) where one guy goes "Why don't I like you?" and gets a frank, guileless answer. IIRC, the two just kinda… still manage to not like each other but also don't antagonize each other.
BUH 0_0 vampire girl WAS there
hm. All for One looks kinda like Asura from Soul Eater when he's gettin his skin figured out.
-- "I hate this prison. I turned myself into an SCP and I'm being treated like it, and I hate it."
-- "Then let me predict what's going to happen by rattling off a list of stuff that literally happened just before I was incarcerated"
-- well, that accomplished fuckall. unless all might just wanted confirmation that there was infighting among the villains, but I'm pretty sure they already knew that.
sure, tell god explosion murder all your secrets why don't you. you almost did before.
-- "kacchan, how far are we going?" deku why do you talk to people. why do you talk to this guy, specifically.
-- clarification: people need to be able to admit they don't like each other and live with it and not make it their defining character trait.
-- 'XD bakugo literally has a modernized version of Sid's t-shirt from toy story. hell, it probably would've been the Punisher logo if they thought they'd get away with it
-- deku, never learn to play poker. anything with bluffing in it, for that matter.
-- bakugo doesn't even have the self-awareness to know that he won't like the outcome no matter who wins.
"why here?" "because if we fight anywhere else, people will try to stop me from k--ing you." for pity's sake, expel this guy already. clap him back in that Lecter getup again and stop letting people talk to him who aren't trained to help monsters unlearn their monstery ways.
dang this intro got some good vocals in it. some danged good tunes.
pauses to try to read eraser head's screen d'oh. it's gonna be in Japanese anyway knowless, you idiot
"he had to retire because of me" bakugo possesses an entire inch of character depth? :O bakugo possesses a single thought in that mono-red, oops-all-burn-spells brain of his that almost approaches guilt about how he's affected somebody else?
-- "don't make me think!" mono. red. oops. all. burn. spells.
"why deku?" "he gives half a shit about other people. that's it. that's the entire secret."
-- "I pronounce you the Worst Most Toxic Most Abusive Ship that Anyone Has Ever Shipped." Maybe second-worst if you put Harley and Joker in front, god only knows how bad that one's gone in one canon or another.
-- This is… mostly… a well-written show. I dunno about Bakugo tho, I dunno where the mangaka's head is at tbph. We have All Might being smart enough to worry about being too Might Guy, but then we also have this.
-- "that's not what I wanted to hear" you don't want to hear anything, you want to be angry and hurt people.
-- "I'm not keeping this secret for you, I'm keeping it because it'll be a hassle for me otherwise." the toxic masculinity this fucking biohazard of a human being puts out could power a mid-sized country.
-- "to surpass deku, I'll make everything my own like he does" you'll start reading and taking notes?
"I was the cause. it's because bakugo needs serious therapy from an amazing psychologist and for some reason my stupid ass is practically the only authority figure in his life who's ever attempted to talk to him." well, him and best jeanist, who seemed to do fuckall besides give him a goofy makeover.
I guess, from the inner dialogue, that's Twice? thought it was Bakuswole
Class B has literally the Geico caveman and that goomba kid. dangit I wanna know more about them. also that dark souls helmet person.
yooo, it's gamzee again, hell yeah! shinso!
is making everyone stand at assembly while the principal says literally fuckall a thing over here, too? I didn't go to high school.
"you got caught breaking the rules, so as punishment you're basically guaranteed to fail your classes"? wtf
-- "what are you???" oh come on deku that's at best like the third weirdest quirk you've seen
Tintin! That's who this noclip fucker looks like!
-- "I remember him from the sports festival. he made a strange impression." oh for fuck's sake. another nudist?
hm. goblin boy can't do public speaking. big relate.
this is cool and all but his ability could still have allowed him to keep his clothes on, pseudoscientific plausibility be damned, and that would've been fine. even the point of this spiel wouldn't have been affected.
ayup. next on the list, I believe, is the Do-or-Die bonus episodes, then s4
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viii. the other one between six and nine
i must admit, i'm tired.
yesterday took a lot out of me. so much that i couldn't even give, and i ended up taking it all back. i feel ashamed of some things, and even anonymity isn't enough for the burden to be off my shoulders. the worst part is how not talking about it only ensures it will be like this indefinitely. i won't bring it up during therapy, won't bring it up with friends, won't bring it up in the tumblr posts that have no readers at all—
i'm also tired of writing. it's been almost a year since i wrote every day for a week. i mentioned the novel i started writing, right? i have notes somewhere, probably, with how often i wrote on there. fictionwriting is easier than nonfiction, though. or maybe long-form writing is easier than this. finding something new within me every day to record and share, even if every day is a different wall i'm donowalling to, is tough. i have the things i want to talk about, sure, but i am absolutely too lazy to write. i have these big projects, these long essays or even short stories i would like to put here, but i miss the so-revered otium. is neil gaiman right when he talks about writing every day? every day, every day? even writing a little bit every day is kind of hard. i haven't been worrying about word count at all, which is good, which i've never done before, but i've been worrying about more abstract measures of length. how long i can slide my phone screen to reach the end of the post, or how many paragraphs i post. the worst part is the fact that i'm not just comparing myself with myself, but with the aforementioned other blog. the other person, the other writer. i should make a post on how treacherously i compare myself to other people, ever increasing my standards, never being enough for anyone, not even me. i just wanted to say that these bigger projects will probably never leave my mind and materialise because writing every day tires me, takes time, and makes it so this is a chore, not a hobby.
(i know i have to wait until it turns into a habit, which is why i'm not stopping. i've never been a consistent writer. i've always considered it a hobby, but it's mostly been something i never do, because it's always been a chore. it's always been boring and exhausting and unsatisfying, and god, does it take a long time. i'm never good enough for myself. that's a topic for another day.)
today, i wanted to go along with yesterday a little bit, but now i don't know how i'm supposed to do that. one, because i've cut out the segments from yesterday that would segue into today; two, because i have two things that i kind of want to talk about, and i'm not really qualified to talk about either; three, because i'm tired, and bored, and sleepy, and in driver's ed. i just want my damn license. i'm not sixteen, by the way, if an american finds their way to my blog. (if anyone does.)
i wanted to talk about sex a little bit more. but just a little. i thought about going on and on about those 1970s pornos, and i do want to talk about that and how they're not porn like modern-day porn is, they're gay history and avant-garde filmmaking, but i don't want to talk about that today. in part because i've only watched one—1980's loads, by (i believe) curt mcdonnell—and in part because it pains me to talk about this. sex is hard for me. sex is everything but simple and straightforward.
that is true for several reasons. that's probably true for everyone, and everything. living is complex. but i just mean i can't guiltlessly talk about it, and not because of some prudish taboo, but because i think i have issues with sex. many issues with sex.
my libido recently has been through the roof, and i fucking hate it. i've been trying for any relief within my reach, but everything feels like a vice, like a bad habit. like i'm doing something bad to the world, even though i know most if not all that i've done is something a lot, a lot of people do. i hate this sex drive of mine. and i hate all of the truths i snipped out of yesterday's confession, and i hate all of the truths that were never in it.
i feel like a pervert. that's it. i think about sex all the fucking time, and i hate it. i don't do it in a prejudiced way, nor do i do it in an immoral way, but the sheer fact that i spend a considerable chunk of my time letting my mind drift that way makes me hate my own fucking guts. i'm not a sex or porn or masturbation addict, not by a long shot, but i think about sex—i write and read smut, i read comics and manga (hentai? fucking hentai?), i watch porn—so often, so much. i'm tired, and i don't want to be like this. isn't admission the first step to recovery? do i have to shout it from the rooftops to stop being like this?
a big part of me thinks it'll go away if i get laid. i did talk about how long it's been since i've even kissed a person. maybe, i'm just this horny because it's things that i can't have—it's just pent-up energy, just longing. all i can do is hope that's true, and hope the solution comes my way. all i can do is wait.
2022.12.28
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irregular journal entries with mateo:
it's nice to have a few days where the disorder hasn't been acting up.
hey, it took me a lot of effort, but i'm pretty sure i even remember all of today! (note: i really have to get back to journaling like i told my therapist i would)
i got triple caramel chunk ice cream. not my flavour, but not bad.
here's another note: at night is the only time i really want to think about the radio static. which is problematic, because i'm trying to not think about it before bed. which is problematic, because then i end up staying up stupidly late distracting myself until i'm exhausted enough to pass out. (in therapy, i said i didn't know why i stayed up late.) playing my little game before bed has really helped, though. it's a good activity. last night i was too tired and i was super short, but still. i'm really enjoying it as a way to step away from screens and get into a bedtime frame of mind.
(unrelated: my perception of time is really fuzzy around the edges. i've been having a lot of trouble sequencing events lately. sometimes it's old stuff, like when i couldn't figure out what order some trivial stuff in my childhood happened, but i was trying to figure out when something from today happened, and i'm honestly still not sure it wasn't a few days ago.)
anyway, tonight i meant to clean off my desk to play the aquarium game, but i never took my evening meds, so i'll give myself a by. (plus! i started a load of laundry, and that on top of everything else today is a pretty good win.)
i'm starting to get the flighty, restless, "what am i doing with my life?" feeling again, which i think means i've recovered enough from the end of the semester to start working on academics.
anyway, things i need to accomplish:
set things up with the bursar
email my new advisor
i need to do one other thing, but if i put it on the list or even write it down, i'll freeze up and do nothing, so i'm just...acknowledging a third task exists, and not worry about it.
huh, this has ended up going in a very different direction than i expected. but i think it's good. i keep complaining in therapy that i don't know why i make the choices i do at night: here the reasons are.
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Star Wars Time Travel AU - Flavor: Anakin and Obi-Wan, from ROTJ to TPM
I asked, you guys answered. Here it is: Obi-Wan and Anakin get sent back to TPM after ROTJ, and proceed to confuse everyone. In everyone’s defense, Anakin and Obi-Wan have a lot of confusing trauma.
The thing about being dead is that it’s not quite as restful as everyone made it out to be.
Oh, Obi-Wan is sure that if he’d done the irresponsible thing and ignored Qui-Gon and passed properly into the netherworlds of the Force instead of following his bloody Path of the Whills, he would be perfectly happy floating along as part of the larger universe. And alright, he doesn’t regret doing it because Luke desperately needed the help, what with Yoda’s isolation having made him only more reticent, but it’s still annoying. Because even though he watched Anakin toss Sidious down a reactor shaft and die peacefully in his sons arms before moving on, the next phase of existence looks a whole lot like the Healer’s Ward at the Jedi temple forty years ago, and he’s being stared at by one very alive-looking Mace Windu.
“Hello there,” Obi-Wan says, because being dead is no excuse for being impolite. “Whose idea was it to decorate like this? I find it rather gauche.”
One also very alive looking Vokara Che sends him a warning look. “Large windows and pale colors are beneficial to the health of patients.”
“Oh, I think we’re rather past the need for worrying about our health,” Obi-Wan jokes.
Vokara just gives him a confused and suspicious look. “Are you alright, Obi-Wan?”
Obi-Wan feels hysterical laughter bubble up inside him. He’s dead. He watched the Jedi fall, felt their deaths like they were his own and heard the Force crying out at the pain and wrongness of it all; he disfigured— attempted to kill— one of the few people he had ever loved, fully and unconditionally, and felt the attempt rend him further apart in the process, and then he watched as that person twisted themself into a horrible facsimile of what they once were; he hid for twenty years on a desert planet while slowly detaching himself from his physical body so he could train and advise a child on whom he pinned nearly all his hopes; he was killed by Vader, and then watched Luke save him— save the man Obi-Wan couldn’t— and saw Vader kill Sidious, and then die. And now— now— he has finally passed on, expecting rest and peace, only to wake up in the healer’s ward of a temple that was destroyed.
Obi-Wan laughs, sharp and harsh and slightly deranged. “No,” he says, “I am not.”
“Yeah,” says a voice from next to him, “I get that.”
Obi-Wan turns to see Anakin— wait, no. Obi-Wan turns to see an unharmed Anakin— well, not quite. Obi-Wan turns to see Anakin, alive, unharmed, whole... and all of nine years old.
“Anakin?” Obi-Wan asks, surprised. He’d assumed that this odd make-believe healer’s ward was a result of the Path of the Whills— a journey that Anakin had decidedly not undertaken.
“Yep,” Anakin says crossing his arms. “So, this is what being dead is like? I’d assumed it would be less, uh,” he searches for the word, “medical.”
“It could be a construct,” Obi-Wan suggests, “while our consciousnesses slowly dissipate— a waystation of sorts. Of course,” he frowns, “that doesn’t explain why you’re here.”
“Excuse me,” Mace Windu says, very on-edge, “but what exactly are you two talking about?”
“Ugh,” Anakin complains, lying back, “why is he here?”
“Yes,” Obi-Wan says, acerbic, “I wonder why he could be here, what with that fall you gave him.”
Anakin flushes, embarrassed. “Fair point.”
“So,” Obi-Wan turns to Mace Windu, “where are we exactly?”
Windu raises an extremely suspect eyebrow. “You’re in the Healer’s Ward at the Jedi temple on Coruscant.”
“Well, yes,” Obi-Wan says, a touch exasperated, “but where are we?”
Windu frowns at him.
“Obi-Wan,” Anakin says, “I don’t think he knows what you mean.”
Windu casts an evaluating glance at Anakin. “No, I don’t.”
Obi-Wan gives him a curious look before turning back to Anakin. “Perhaps he’s part of the construct.” He pauses. “Speaking of, why have you chosen to look like that?”
“Like what?” Anakin blinks confused.
“Like—” Obi-Wan huffs. “Does anyone have a mirror?”
“There’s one in the fresher,” Vokara Che says.
Anakin hops out of bed, and after a moment, Obi-Wan follows him to the fresher.
“Oh sweet stars and suns,” Anakin breathes, looking at his ten year old face. “I really used to look like this?”
Obi-Wan looks in the mirror as well, shocked to find that he looks as he did when he was twenty, padawan braid and all. “You know, I’m actually very glad that I’m never going to have to try to unpack the psychological implications of this,” he remarks.
Anakin snorts. “Yeah, why’d you choose to look like that?”
“I... didn’t,” Obi-Wan realizes. Before, he’d been able to change his appearance to living beings. He hadn’t for Luke, partially because Luke probably wouldn’t have taken very well to a thirty year old Obi-Wan, and partially because there wasn’t a point, given that Force ghosts didn’t get creaky knees.
“Weird,” Anakin says.
They head out of the fresher to see that Vokara Che and Mace Windu are looking at them as if they’ve grown second heads.
“So let me unpack this,” Windu says, “you both think you’re dead.”
Anakin and Obi-Wan look at each other.
“We have reason to believe so, yes,” Obi-Wan replies, amused. “Are you going to try to convince us that we’re not?”
Windu raises one very unimpressed eyebrow. “I would think that even a padawan would be able to look into the Force to see that they’re not dead.”
Obi-Wan looks at Anakin, who shrugs. It seems that neither of them have allowed themselves to be very connected to the Force. It must be a force of habit— Obi-Wan had been careful on Tatooine to never let too much of the outside filter in, for fear of Vader finding him, and for fear that the dark currents in the Force would sweep him away. Perhaps Vader had done a similar thing.
“Shall we?” Obi-Wan suggests to Anakin. At this point, it’s likely that this is the construct telling them both that they need to connect to the Force to finally relinquish their consciousnesses.
Anakin shrugs. “Can’t make things worse, right?”
Obi-Wan snorts. “On three?”
Anakin nods.
“One, two, three.”
Obi-Wan drops his outer shielding, letting the Force filter through.
What he feels isn’t the ethereal, ineffable currents of the Force, calling him to drift among them as they had during his time as a Force ghost. What he feels is thousands of bright lights, sparks where there should be void, and a darkness that has surrounded everything but not yet consumed it.
“Oh,” Obi-Wan breathes. “Anakin, I’m not sure we’re dead.”
Anakin doesn’t say anything back, and Obi-Wan turns to see him crying.
“They’re alive,” Anakin whispers, tears rolling down his cheeks, face frozen in wonder and horror and guilt. “They’re all alive.”
Obi-Wan can feel them— every single one— and a lump rises in his throat. “It’s—” he starts, but he can’t finish the sentence. “We—”
Anakin nods, face still frozen. “How?”
“I—” Obi-Wan shakes his head, “I don’t know.”
“We were— you were—”
“I know.”
“And now they’re—” Anakin takes a deep breath, small body shuddering, and Obi-Wan instinctively gathers him up in his arms, holding him close.
“It’s impossible,” Obi-Wan says. “You were dead. I was dead. I felt it.”
“Luke,” Anakin chokes, “We—”
“We’re alive,” Obi-Wan says hoarsely. “The Jedi are alive— none of it has to happen.”
“Mustafar,” Anakin adds, hoarse. “Padmé.”
“The Death Star. Alderaan.” Obi-Wan says in a dark undertone. Then, louder, “I will be very cross if I get chopped in half again.”
Anakin frowns at him, momentarily distracted. “The blow didn’t hit. I should know. You have nothing to complain about.”
“I have nothing to complain about?” Obi-Wan replies, indignant. “I was on Tatooine for twenty years!”
“You cut off my arms and legs!” Anakin shouts.
Obi-Wan huffs. “Only three!”
“I was stuck in a stupid life-support suit for twenty! Fucking! Years!” Anakin retorts. “Do you know how much that sucked? I couldn’t eat real food! I fucking suffocated just because I took off my helmet to see my son in my last breaths!”
“You killed me!” Obi-Wan shouts indignantly.
There’s a cough from beside him, and a silence as Vokara Che, Mace Windu, and several very nosy padawans stare at him.
Obi-Wan looks at them, slightly embarrassed by his outburst. “I got better.”
Anakin looks at Obi-Wan, the rage in his eyes not Vader’s, but Anakin’s, and then slowly, slowly, it dissipates.
Anakin snorts. “Fuck, we made a mess of things.”
A small, sad, smile creeps on to Obi-Wan's face. “We really did.” He sighs. “I suppose we’ll have to fix everything.”
Anakin shrugs. “Well, Sith Lords are our specialty.” He sighs. “And then I’m retiring on Naboo and learning to fish.”
#i know at first glance this looks like a very normal AU#but keep an eye out for the next post#which is about what happens AFTER they get rid of sidious#it devolves into my usual brand of nonsense VERY quickly#obi-wan and anakin ignore their trauma by quipping (as usual)#don't worry i'm sure they start going to therapy off screen#sugar baby ben au#star wars#willow's aus#star wars au#obi wan kenobi#anakin skywalker
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Coincide
pairings: timeskip!suna rintaro x f!reader
genre: smut, FLUFF, tiny bit of angst like for 2 seconds, followed by more fluff
warnings: NSFW 18+, swearing, orgasm denial, public sex, breeding, "bunny", not proofread (its 3 am), I think that's it but pls let me know if I missed anything
a/n: this is really self indulgent, I had this thought in the shower and something about my trash ass ex seeing me happy with suna makes my brain go brrrrr. don't worry, I'm working on that in therapy :D anyways this is my first time writing smut, lol bye! hope y'all enjoy!!! <3
There’s no reason to attend a high school reunion with people you never liked nor thought of in years. Meaningless chatter mixed with the stench of beer, while the god awful fluorescent lights sting your eyes didn’t sound appealing to you. Yet here you are, standing against the wall of the poorly decorated banquet hall with a drink you’ve hardly touched. The “Welcome Class of 2017” banner in front of you, reminded you of just how little time has passed since you’ve seen these people. If it were up to you, you would’ve ignored the e-vite and binged a show you’ve seen 100 times already. However, your sweet boyfriend, Suna Rintaro, was so eager to see where you spent your teen years and the people who knew you way before he did. Not that they would have very many stories about you, considering how much you kept to yourself, but that didn’t stop Suna from RSVPing on your behalf.
“I fucking hate you.” you spat, taking a sip of your drink, wincing at the strength.
“I know.” suna smirked, handing you his beer and taking your drink for himself.
The both of you stood close together, watching people fein happiness at the sight of each other. What was the point in attending these events if not to show off how much better you’re doing to people who no longer matter to you, if they ever did that is. Suna nudged you lightly, motioning towards a group of people coming toward the two of you.
“Hey! I didn’t think you’d be here!”
“Yeah! Me neither!” you giggle, shooting a glare towards Suna who’s already grinning at you.
Suna knows you hate small talk, but something about seeing you perk up at the memories you’ve seemingly forgotten made him feel warm inside. Although you never wanted to admit it, you missed the people who made your teen years a little less terrible. Suna wrapped his arms around your waist, settling his chin onto your head, as the two of you listened to your friends reminisce about your antics.
“I’m telling you, this girl was in detention every single day!”
“Don’t act like you weren’t there with me!” you huffed, feeling Suna’s chest rumble with laughter. No one had ever taken much interest in your life, except for Suna. It was safe to say you had no idea how to react to his attentiveness when it came to you. You looked up at him, watching how he was soaking in the memories of you, that he didn’t get to witness. He smiles widely at the thought of you picking at your chicken sandwiches, only for you to eat the bread and call it lunch.
You notice the crinkle in his eyes, as he catches you in photos on the projector screen. You cover your face, a blush creeping onto your cheeks, as everyone awes at their younger selves. Suna grabs hold of your hands and pulls them down from your face, placing a kiss on your cheek.
“You know if I went to your school, I would’ve been afraid of you.”
“Says the one who looks bored out of his mind all the time.” you tease him, your gaze still fixed on the dimly lit screen.
“Guess we’re soulmates then.” he hums into your ear, tightening his grip around your waist.
The night went by smoothly, well as smooth as it can get when you’re surrounded by people who most definitely hated each other. Suna leads you to the bar, ordering a round of shots for the two of you.
“If we’re going to be here, we might as well take advantage of the open bar.” he grins, pouring salt onto your hand and handing you the tiny glass.
“I’m sure that’s the only reason so many people showed up.” you respond, licking the salt and downing the burning liquid. Suna brings a lime wedge to your lips, you suck on it lightly as he watches you intently. He brings it to his own mouth, draining the remainder of the juice before neatly folding it in a napkin.
“So what’s the story with those two over there?” he motions to the couple arguing a few feet from you.
“Them? They always do that, one minute they’re in love and the next they’re having a Twitter war.” you say, signaling the bartender for another round.
“Does that mean we’ll get to read some drama tonight?” Suna perks up, his eyes gleaming with anticipation. You giggle, clinking your glasses together and savoring the tequila running through you quicker than you expected.
“Already feeling it, pretty?”
“Pft. No, I’m just feelin’ fuzzy.”
Suna turns you to face him, his eyes starting to glaze over from the drinks. Everything around you feels hazy, but his touch is amplified as he taps on your lips to open. He wedges the lime into your mouth, gaze fixed on the way you swallow the tart juice and pucker your lips. Placing the fruit in his glass, he attaches his lips to yours, groaning at the mix of your sweetness and the sour taste of citrus. The lingering taste of tequila was replaced with his own, your body getting drunk off of him more so than the alcohol. He places his hand onto the small of your back, pressing you into him and eliminating any space between you two. A firm poke to your thigh was enough for you to have you moan softly into his mouth. He pulls away, a string of saliva connecting you two before snapping back onto his lips. He licks them, relishing in the haze of love and need he feels for you.
“Bathroom. Now.” he demands, throwing a wad of cash onto the bar and pulling you with him. A smile plastered on your lips as you follow close behind him, stumbling on your platforms.
The two of you stumble into the men’s bathroom, small giggles falling from your lips as Suna trips over his own foot before locking the door. You lift yourself up onto the counter, feeling the cold tile on your thighs and leaning against the mirror. Suna nudges your legs apart with his thigh, slipping in between them and running his hands up your short dress, peppering kisses along your neck.
“God, I love you.” he mumbles, pulling you closer to him and smashing his lips against yours. Your hands find their way to his hair, pulling at it slightly as he deepens the kiss and moans into your mouth. His grip on your ass tightens, before he makes his way between your legs. He lifts your dress and shoves your panties to the side, staring at the mess he’s caused.
“Always so wet for me, bunny.” he whispers into your core, placing a light kiss onto your clit. You whimper at the minimal contact and he grins, flattening his tongue and licking a stripe between your folds, savoring the taste he could never get enough of. “Fuck..” he moans, the cold metal of his ring clad fingers pumping into you slowly. The sinful moans of his name leave your mouth with no shame, the sound of him devouring you and your screams were sure to be heard from the hallway.
“Rin…” you moan out, your thighs tightening over his head as he continues to suck on your clit.
“You need me, baby?” he asks, looking up at you through his thick lashes. His honey eyes dripped with lust, as he moved his slick covered fingers to rub your clit. The small, tight circles cause your thighs to shake. “Answer me, pretty.”
“R-Rin… need you.” you stutter, feeling the familiar warmth in your stomach building up. You were so close, his fingers entering you once again and curling into your sweet spot. He grins at you, his face wet from your cunt, as he leans to press a kiss to your swollen lips. “Rin! I’m-”
“I know, baby. I got you.” he coos, going in and out of you faster. Just as you were about to reach your high, his fingers slip out of you. A mischievous grin plastered on his face, as he sucks on his fingers. You groan, covering your face and pressing your thighs together. “Ah… Ah…” He pushes your thighs apart with his body, unbuckling his belt and pulling himself out. “Thought you needed me?” He pouts, pumping himself slowly.
“I- Rin. Please, I was so close-” you whine, eyes pressed to his thick cock near your entrance.
“Spit on it.” you obey him, pursuing your lips to let the liquid fall onto his dick. He pumps himself, moaning and grabbing your face with his other hand. “Now tell me, pretty. What do you need?”
“Y-you.” you whisper, looking up at him with wide eyes as you unbutton his shirt. He places a sloppy kiss on your lips, breathing heavily when your cold hands replace his as you jerk him off. “Bend over for me.” His dark eyes watched you scramble off the counter, slipping your panties off and leaning over the sink. Your pretty face in the mirror looking back at him with pleading eyes as he rubs his cock against your cunt. He moans, pushing into you slowly, throwing his head back when he bottoms out. He stills, basking in the warmth of your plush walls.
“Fuck, Rin, move.” you huff, trying to relieve yourself.
“Am I not allowed to enjoy the moment?” he responds, gripping onto your hips tightly.
“Yeah, but- Fuck!” you moan at his sharp thrusts, a smile tugging at his lips as he pulls you back and forth on his dick. “Sorry, bunny. Couldn’t wait.” Your eyes roll into the back of your head, the steady pace of his thrusts driving you close to your peak once again. You reach your hand down to your clit, but Suna slaps your hand away. You look up at him in the mirror, his loving eyes boring into you, as he rubs at your clit in fast circles.
“Fuck, you’re taking me so well, baby.” he praises, his head falling back, letting his moans get louder the closer he gets. “Gonna cum in you, fill you up, and make you a pretty mama.”
“Fuck- Suna, don’t- WHAT THE FUCK?” you scream, feeling the fullness of his dick leave your dripping cunt.
“Who the fuck is Suna?” he giggles to himself, his dick grinding in between your folds at an agonizingly slow pace.
“Rin, c’mon- shit!” you bite your lip, your walls clenching around him as he kneads your ass.
“Good girl.” he coos, one hand on your hip and the other pulling your dress down to let your breast fall out. He moans, gripping at the soft flesh. “You gonna let me cum in you, baby?”
“Yes, fuck… don’t stop.” you hum, your brain starting to fog up as you near your release.
“S-shit, ‘M gonna.” he hisses, feeling your walls clench as you ride out your orgasm. Your fucked out expression and loud screams of his name was enough to have him spilling into you. He moans out your name, leaning over you and pressing a kiss to your shoulder, before pulling out and watching him spill out of you.
“You’re lucky I’m on the pill.” you pant, looking up at the mirror to him snapping a photo of the two of you. “Rin!”
“What? It’s a good memory!” he defends, taking several photos from different angles before lifting you up and setting you down on the counter. He shoves himself back into his pants, tucking his shirt and buckling belt before averting his attention to you. Your arms wrap around his neck as he kisses you softly, mumbling sweet words into your lips. He breaks away to dampen a towel, wiping you down as you scroll through the many pictures he took. A loud knock breaks the atmosphere, followed by annoyed screams.
“Have some fucking decency, some people need to use the bathroom!”
You both look at each other, laughing loudly before putting yourselves together. Suna adjusts his shirt, leaving the top buttons open and ruffling his hair. You slip into your underwear, smoothing out your dress and reapplying your lipstick. He gives your ass a light slap before opening the door and exiting, his eyes flicker between the couple outside. Suna’s lips twitch, realizing who the man leaning against the wall is. A smug expression spreads across his face, as he reaches his hand out for you.
“Sorry your sex life’s so boring.” he grins. You grasp his hand, walking out and nodding to the couple, recognizing the familiar set of eyes that you once adored.
“Sorry about that, bathroom's all yours.”
You squeeze Suna’s hand twice, a signal the two of you made up for when you’re feeling anxious. He quickly wraps his arm around your waist, pressing you into his side and placing a soft kiss onto your head. He hums quietly, leading the two of you out of the banquet hall and out to the garden. You stop at a bench, overlooking the city. The soft chirps of crickets and Suna’s intoxicating scent grounds you, a sense of relief washing over you.
“Fuck high school reunions, can’t believe you wanted to come here.” he jokes, pulling you onto his lap and holding you.
“Oh, shut up. You loved every minute of it.” you nuzzled into his chest.
“Particularly the bathroom part.” he hummed. “You okay?”
You sighed happily into his chest, nodding in response.
“So, tell me, what did the side bang do for you?”
“Shut the fuck up, Rintaro.” you hiss, getting up from his grasp, only for him to pull you back and attack your neck with kisses. Your laugh fills his ears, followed by your small fists punching his arm lightly in an attempt to get him to stop tickling you. A blush creeps onto his cheeks, the overwhelming feeling of love feels his body. He pauses his attack, your love laced insults about how irritating he could be was music to his ears. You’d never admit it to Suna, but you were glad he dragged you here. Seeing how his usual deadpan expression changed every time you were talked about made your heart swell. Maybe these things weren’t that bad, as long as he was by your side.
reblogs/likes appreciated <3
#suna smut#suna rintaro smut#suna rintaro x reader#suna x female reader#suna rintaro drabbles#suna drabble#suna rintarou#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu smut#hq smut#hq x reader#hq suna#suna fluff#suna rintaro fluff#suna x you#suna rintaro#haikyu x reader
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❝𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐡 𝐬𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠❞ ─ 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐡𝐚𝐦
after all this time, i start asking why i'm staying
were you ever mine?
are we something that's worth saving?
❥ content ; gn reader, eventual fluff, angst, happy ending
❥ warnings ; cursing, themes of cheating
❥ synopsis ; you're will's s/o. when he comes home from work, you can tell he's off. what you didn't expect was him to kick you out.
❥ a/n ; none!
"Will?"
You call out after hearing the front door to your house open and shut. When you don't get a response, you get up from your laying position on the couch and approach the front door.
There, Will stood. His back was turned to you as he hung up his coat, and although you could not see his face, you could immediately tell he was off. Even the energy around him felt dark and tense.
"Oh, hey, hun.." You said anxiously, trying not to set him off in any way.
Will didn't react to your voice. Instead, he backed away from the clothing rack and walked past you, not even bothering to spare you a look. This wasn't the first time Will acted out like this, especially considering he was exhausted all the time from the work Crawford gave him. But he would at least greet you soon as he walked through the door, not flat out treat you as if you didn't exist.
"Will," you sighed dejectedly, more to yourself than to your boyfriend. You quietly followed him upstairs to the master bedroom, where he began to strip off his work clothes, changing into something more comfortable. Still, he ignored your presence. You had to make another move.
You slowly approached him from behind, placing your hands on his shoulders. You were immediately taken back when he forcefully removed himself from your touch and walked away to another corner of the room.
"Will, I just-"
"What?" he scoffed mockingly, "You just want to help?"
"You're my boyfriend, Will, of course I want to!"
He laughed.
"It certainly doesn't help when you breathe down my neck every fucking minute."
Tears pricked in your eyes, Will's vicious tone scaring you. You searched Will's own eyes, trying to find any trace of remorse or regret. He had none. You didn't even know who you were looking at.
"What are you talking about, Will? When you want space, I give you space. When you want love, I give you love! What more do you want from me?"
"I want you to leave."
And then it was quiet for a moment. You both stood there silently, feet away from each other, eyes burning holes into the others.
"..What?" You stared in disbelief. "Wh- What are you saying right now, Will?"
"I want you to leave. I want you gone, Y/N. I don't need you anymore."
"No," you bit your quivering lips, hot tears spilling down your cheeks. Will averted his stare from your crying form, the floor suddenly becoming more interesting.
"No, you're lying. You're just saying that. You can fool everyone else, but you can't fool me."
"I'm sorry, Y/N." Lies. "It's best if you just leave."
You choked on a sob. "What?! Where is this coming from all of a sudden? We were okay just the other day!"
Will remained silent, still not daring to make eye contact with you.
"Is there someone else?"
"I- No, Y/N. I don't owe you an explanation."
"So this is it, then? You're just gonna kick me out?"
"Please, Y/N. Don't make this harder than it already is."
"This is hard for you?! You're not the one getting kicked out!"
Will sighed, somehow managing to remain calm while you screamed at him.
"I'm sorry." And the conversation ended there.
You began to pack your bags. You also phoned a friend, asking them if you could crash for a bit until you had a stable job and a home. You were not about to sleep on the sofa tonight.
You opened and slammed drawers, taking your anger out on furniture as you took your belongings with you. You also did it to spite Will, who attempted to get some sleep. But he did not complain. He continued to act as if you didn't exist.
It made you wonder. Where did it all go wrong? How long has he thought about leaving you? Was there another person?
Will wouldn't answer your questions. At this point, you didn't wanna know.
You were able to finish packing up within an hour. Will was still wide awake during that time, listening closely to the angry banging of furniture, quiet sniffles and shaky inhales as you tried the best you could to keep your composure.
You loaded all your bags into your car, getting ready to head to your friend's place. You went back inside to get a couple more things and look around the house a final time. You stopped by the front door as you were about to leave, your eyes landing on a picture on the windowsill of you and Will. Your already tired, red eyes welled with tears again. You opened up the frame, sliding the picture out and folding it into your pocket. Not like Will would want it in his house anyway.
And so you left.
You didn't say your goodbyes. You just left.
A week had gone by. Will carried on with his job as usual, attended his therapy sessions, but he never once mentioned you. Not a lot of people knew about you and Will's relationship, or what was once a relationship. Since his coworkers already knew so much, or what Will deemed to be enough information about him, he wanted to keep your relationship secret. Not that you minded.
The only person who knew of your relationship was Alana Bloom and Jack Crawford, but even when it ended, he didn't tell them anything. He didn't tell them how guilty he felt the night he kicked you out. He didn't tell them he still had nightmares about you being harmed. He didn't tell them how he was the one harming you in his nightmares. He didn't tell them how empty he felt when you blocked his number and social medias (ok sorry but like little headcanon here?? will has an instagram and it's just pictures of him fishing / or of his dogs fnsmdnskdjsk).
He never told them how he tried not to stay in his house as often, because it reminded him of you.
He was definitely acting strange at work. It was easy to tell. Even Bev pulled him aside to inquire about his health. But he continued to keep his mouth shut, until he couldn't.
Will rushed to the front door when he heard little taps on the metal screen. Secretly, he hoped it would be you. But when he opened it, there stood Alana Bloom. Will always thought Alana was beautiful. But how could anyone disagree?
Her long, dark waves that framed her perfect, slim face were never unchecked and unkempt. Makeup or none, preppy work uniforms or pajamas, she always seemed to look her best.
You even found yourself feeling small and insecure when Will invited her over for you to meet. But he assured you that she could never even compare to you. You believed it.
Alana's thin lips curled up into a soft smile. "Will. Can I come in?"
"Y-Yeah, sure." He let her in and she walked through the front door for the first time in forever.
"Jeez," she chuckled. "How long as it been?"
"Maybe too long," Will simply replied.
Alana walked around the house, scanning every detail while Will patiently trailed behind her. The dogs were playing outside, so it was just the two of them.
"Why did you decide to come over today?"
"I've been worried about you." She turned around to face Will, who stopped a few feet in front of her. "But now that I'm here in your house, I can see why you've been acting off."
"What's your diagnosis, Doctor?" Will joked, an attempt at lightening the tense air.
"Y/N. They left, haven't they?"
There it is.
Technically, Alana wasn't wrong. You did leave, but Will never clarified in what circumstance.
Will looked at the ground.
"Yeah.. Took all the photos too."
"Hey," Alana began, her finger resting under Will's chin, prompting him to look up at her. "You don't have to hide from me."
A week had gone by. A long, lonely, miserable week. You crashed at your friend's for two nights before your parents invited you to live with them while you worked on getting back on your feet. They didn't live too far, so you thanked your friend for their hospitality and moved in with your parents.
As you finished unpacking your stuff, you realized you were missing some things. You cursed at the realization you would probably have to pick up some stuff from Will's.
You still had the key, so you would have no problem getting in, unless he had the lock changed of course. You were only worried about running into him.
What the hell?
You got dressed. You didn't wear anything fancy, but in case you ran into Will, you felt obligated to look presentable and show him that you could still make it without him. You decided on doing a bit of makeup. Again, nothing fancy. Just enough to conceal the dark circles under your eyes and make your features pop.
And then you headed on the dreadful drive to Will's place.
When you got there, you were too nervous and too focused on making the trip quick to even notice Alana's car in his driveway.
However, what did catch your attention, were the many dogs Will owned. They ran up to you as soon as they recognized you. They panted as they jumped and wagged their tails, expressing their happiness the most they could. You tried your best to pet them all, your mouth lifting up into a smile. You didn't realize it but you really missed the dogs.
You dug around for the key in your pocket and pulled it out, quietly unlocking the front door and letting yourself in.
"You don't have the hide from me.."
Your eyebrows furrowed together at the sound of a female voice.
When you walked into the living room, you were horrified to see Will with another woman. Alana.
Their lips were locked, engaging in a passionate kiss, not even noticing your presence. You felt sick as you put the pieces together.
"Now I know why you kicked me out," you whispered, half to yourself and half to Will, who almost about pushed Alana off him at the sound of your voice.
Both their cheeks heated up in embarrassment when their eyes fell on you.
"Y/N! I'm so sorry, I thought-"
"Look, I only came to pick up some stuff. Then I'll be out of your way." You didn't once look away from Will, deciding to totally disregard Alana's presence and apologetic mutters.
With that, you rushed out of the living room and into your bedroom, searching under the bed and in the closet for your missing items.
You heard faint talking from the living room but tuned out most of it, deciding it wasn't worth your time or even your business in the first place. Then you heard the front door shut and a car start from outside.
Before you could process what might've happened, you heard Will's footsteps stop outside the bedroom.
"Y/N, we should talk."
"No, we shouldn't."
"You blocked my number."
"What good would it do if I kept it?"
"Please, hear me out."
Disgruntled, you turned to face Will, sending a cold glare his way.
"Look, unless you found a way to make a time machine and give me back the time I wasted on you, I don't want to speak with you."
"Why won't you just listen to me?!" he snapped.
You scoffed, "Well surprise, douchebag, I have feelings and you hurt them!"
"Well, I'm sorry, alright?" he calmed down now.
"Are you? Really?" You shook your head. "A sorry won't fix this, Will. Not after what you did. Gods- I can't even look at you right now."
You laughed. "You know what fucking sucks? After all you did, after the cheating and the lies, I'm still in love with you."
Will teared up. "I was never with Alana, Y/N. It's always been you."
"Then, why, Will? Why did you throw me out so coldly like that?"
"I began to have dreams, Y/N. Nightmares," Will admitted, his voice beginning to break. "Nightmares about people hurting you. Criminals. It was too real. As much as I loved- As much as I love you, I never wanted you to choose me. I don't want people using you as a weapon against me. To hurt me."
You slowly walked towards Will, stopping a foot away from him. You looked up into his glossy bambi eyes as he spoke.
"It was when the nightmares got worse, when I was the one hurting you, that I realized you weren't safe with me."
You cried. "Oh, Will. I wish you had told me."
"I couldn't. I didn't want you to remember me that way."
You laughed. "Well, I ended up remembering you as the asshole who kicked me out, instead."
Will managed to give you a smile through his tears.
He brought his hand to your shoulder, and gently lead it up your neck to the side of your face, cupping it lightly and brushing his thumb across your cheek.
"I would never hurt you, Y/N."
"I know. I know, Will. You aren't a monster for having nightmares you can't control." You brought your own hand up and placed it against Will's, leaning into his warm touch. "I'm still here. I'm alive. In your hands. And I feel safe with you."
Almost hesitantly, Will leaned in, connecting his lips to yours. His body felt tense, but when you kissed him back, you felt his worries disappear into the air.
He pulled away, resting his forehead against yours.
"Stay with me tonight?"
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