#definitely gay as fuck for men. however. i. imagine lives with them
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i have always felt robotic due to my inability to feel romantic love. i see others and imagine beautiful lives with them, but it feels so shallow, as i believe i can only "love" for their appearance. perhaps this is the origin of my masochism - a desire to prove myself wrong, to be vivisected and expose viscera to show the world that i am just like all of you. this is why i long to have my physical form torn away so you may finally consider me human, consider me normal, as normal as you all are. but there is something stopping me from reaching that normalcy. i'd like to think evisceration is an answer, but once my humanity is proven, how will you return my organs in place? how can you ever view me the same?
#random thoughts#........is this me coming out as aromantic? maybe. i'm not sure (':#definitely gay as fuck for men. however. i. imagine lives with them#but i don't know what love would feel like? how does it work? what do you do? such pretty people#i've no idea what anything “romantic” would be. h#did i come to this confusion upon seeing a very pretty person during a local production of a play and not knowing whether i wanted to be him#or be with him and find that the former seemed more appealing? it makes sense as he was a complete stranger#but it's. essentially been the same. with everyone#more so a strange desire to be their friend. i don't. have many. which is unfortunate#all i want is. one friend. who i can spend time with. and be. attached to. a best friend? but#they'd love me. care for me. and i'd do the same for them. we could be in “love” but not show each other. romantic affection#what is this? what am i? i will never know. ever-changing#never so simple with you. unfortunate
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Two sides of the same coin - Officer
Buck and Tony were the perfect gay couple. They lived together since years, almost never argued and, most importantly, loved each other unconditionally. Their relationship was so close that they often said they were practically married anyway. In fact, their parents even got along quite well with each other!
They shared the same interests including a love for video games, so today, as usual on a Saturday evening, they were lying on the couch together, playing and played some relaxing video game. They had ordered pizza before and were happy they didn't need to leave the house anymore today. It could have been an evening like any other Saturday evening, but it wasn't.
Tony felt a bit uncomfortable and shifted around in his seat before he reached under himself, fishing out a small sparkling coin.
"Ha! Thought I was sitting on something! Look at that." He showed Buck the shiny piece of metal.
"What is it?" asked Buck curiously.
"I don't know, it just appeared out of nowhere," Tony answered. As he took a closer look however, the coin just vanished into thin air. "Huh, weird!"
"Maybe it was just some cookie and it crumbled apart when you picked it up", suggested Buck.
"Perhaps...", Tony said, not really convinced and tried to get back to his game. However, he was finding the video game increasingly boring. He glanced over to see if Buck was still concentrating on the screen, but Buck's eyes were focused on him instead.
"What?" he asked, feeling embarrassed.
"Nothing," Buck replied quickly.
"No, tell me what you're looking at."
"You," Buck said simply.
"Me? Why?"
"Because you are sexy," Buck admitted shyly.
It seemed like Buck was in the mood today. Well, why not. "How about we watch some porn", suggested Tony.
Since a few minutes ago, Buck was feeling increasingly horny. He was rarely in the mood for sex, but today was different. So, when Tony suggested to put on some porn, Buck agreed quickly. After all, watching two men fuck each other was pretty hot stuff after all.
When they turned on the TV and found a nice gay movie, they settled down onto the couch again and watched the scene unfold. It was about a cop controlling traffic who forced a speeding man to suck his cock instead of paying. The guy obviously liked sucking cock and sucked on the officer's hard dick while getting fucked from behind by his partner.
Buck was already rubbing his own cock through his jeans when he saw how the two guys kissed passionately.
Tony also found concentrating on the porn movie much easier than the game before. Somehow, he had found the game a bit too difficult to follow today. His eyes were glued to the police officer on the screen, and he also massaged his cock in his sweatpants.
Without looking to his boyfriend, he asked: "Do you think a police uniform would suit me?"
"Sure," Buck responded at once, picturing his boyfriend in a police uniform. Both of them weren't exactly fit, so he had to use a bit of fantasy to imagine Tony as a burly policeman, but yeah, it could definitely work.
"And then there's my hair," continued Tony, stroking his medium black hair. "I should cut it shorter, right?"
"Yeah," Buck nodded enthusiastically, thinking about Tony as a cop with a short buzz cut. It would certainly make him look more intimidating.
While they were both fantasizing, the movie had come to an end. Tony immediately started a new one and discarded his shirt and pants. Now only in his boxers, he fished out his cock and started stroking it slowly.
"And if I were a cop, what would my uniform look like", he asked.
Buck found this whole conversation oddly erotic, so he answered without hesitation: "I think it would be blue."
"With golden buttons", added Tony, imagining himself being dressed in a tight uniform. He couldn't help but feel excited at the thought of having a big bulge in his pants. He imagined how people would react if he walked past them in such clothes.
Buck was so into the conversation that he didn't even notice that on the tv screen, the scene had turned into a mmf threesome. Tony was still watching it but found it oddly exciting. How had he never noticed that bouncing boobs excited him?
Buck was feeling light-headed. The mental images of Tony in a police uniform didn't seem so far off, actually. He had a good fit build and wore his hair in a short buzz cut already. He just needed a bit more muscle, and of course, a uniform. He briefly imagined how it must feel to be his uniform? To cling to that muscular body, to cover that firm ass.
"You would go commando of course", Buck fantasized, "Nothing between your dick and me..."
"You?" asked Tony and switched the porn channel. Straight porn. A busty blonde being fucked by a cop. Why not? "You want to be my uniform?"
Buck didn't mean to say it out loud, but the question alone made him stroke his cock even harder. "Yes! Think about it! I could be your vest, and your pants, and even your boots!"
Tony wasn't sure what to think of that idea of being this intimate with another man, he was no fag, after all. On the other hand, that wasn't a man he was talking about, but a mere object, a bit of fabric, leather and metal.
Buck didn't know what hit him. He was a human being, but right now, nothing felt righter than being just a set of clothing, wrapped around this man’s chiseled physique. The large muscles that danced when he stroked his cock to each moan of the girl on tv, the heavy balls that made a sweaty slapping sound, the muscular butt. With a cry of ecstasy, Buck came, shooting cum all over his body. At the same time, he deflated, like a balloon losing air. His feet were the first to change, becoming black combat boots. His legs followed suit and turned into a pair of blue police pants, while his cock and balls elongated into a black leather belt with a weapon holster. The cum quickly dried into his chest, as it turned into a blue vest with badges on them and a white undershirt. Finally, his head turned into a black leather police cap, as the last remains of his human mind faded away.
The last thing he sensed was that the police office on the couch finally came, spewing cum all over himself. A big strong hand grabbed his undershirt body and wiped away the cum with it. The uniform part gladly absorbed all of it, adding one more stain to the numerous ones that were already there.
Tony, the police officer sighed. He needed that break. There hadn't been any hot woman speeding today and he had felt blue-balled. Perhaps he should just start stopping hot babes for no reason. Yeah, he grinned. That sounded like a great idea. He quickly got dressed, not caring about the wet cum stains on his undershirt. Of course, he went commando. He always did, he just loved the thought of not having anything between his large cock and his uniform pants. And the bulge was a real eye-catcher for the ladies, too.
If you enjoyed this story, you might like my other ones in this theme. Also be sure to check out this cool blog!
#inanimate tf#inanimate transformation#male transformation#cop#gay to straight#two sides of the same coin
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Ok, imagine this idea. Mugen Train Arc but Kyojuro has a betrothed, a young woman around his age (maybe a little younger, but nothing alarming) he doesn't like that much, he doesn't even know her that much, but he wants to continue the legacy of the Rengoku bloodline (mostly because he knows he won't be having a long life as a slayer and doesn't want this ending being a burden that Senjuro will have to carry neither by training or marriage). He at least has some control over it and was able to choose someone by himself, a daughter of one of his parent's friend. At least is someone he knew about before starting the engagement.
He convinces himself he actually wants it, that he should actually put the effort into knowing and loving his future wife, that it's meant to be, only natural that he, a man of wealth and with a prestigious name (even if it's only in the demon slaying business) marries a young lady and continue the legacy. [Kyojuro is in the closet cause of heteronormativity]
Then in his fight with Akaza he notices he is making no effort in going back home or to his betrothed, that he doesn't want to go back.... [Also Akaza running around being a bisexual icon, time to force blonde queer out the closet! >:D]
No yeah cuz like, see, my personal little headcanon for Kyojuro is that he is 100% a gay man. Also think he can admit to himself that he likes men, there's not really any questions about that, however, he is desperately trying to delude himself into thinking he also likes women due to the expectation of him to get married. Not just in a societal sense due to the time period, but like you mentioned. The Rengokus are an old, prestigious family. Of course among the Corps, but I'd reckon they're well known by the general population around where they live, just due to their money alone, let alone their family history as swordsman. And as the eldest son, Kyojuro is one hundred percent expected to marry a well bred young lady, just as his father did, and his father, so on and so forth. It's just something he's always known. So.... of course he likes women. He has to like women. He has to. He doesn't have a choice. He likes them. He does!
So the idea of him ending up engaged with a woman that he doesn't know well seems very realistic to me, and adds a fun little facet of his character. Especially when you approach it from this angle where he feels like he should care for her or at least put a genuine effort into trying but he just... can't seem to do it. Why not? His parents were engaged in a similar way, and obviously they loved each other deeply! What the hell is wrong with him? Why can't he do it?
It also add an extremely fun and angsty angle to him ending up being infatuated with Akaza. Not only do you have the taboo nature of their relationship due to them being a demon and a slayer, but Kyojuro feels as if he's betraying his future wife by even being attracted to Akaza.
And on Akaza's side of things.... I think at first it would even make him feel guilty for reasons he doesn't quite understand, pursuing Kyojuro when he's mentioned having a fiance. After all, pursuing someone who is engaged who wants nothing to do with him..... Hm..... pushing some familiar buttons he's not even aware that he has. Ultimately though, after spending time around Kyojuro, I think it would become obvious to Akaza that he doesn't actually love this girl and is only going through with a marriage out of obligation. At that point, he would most definitely get very into the idea of convincing Kyojuro to break it off, for his own sake
So yeah! I think it would add a really interesting spin to their dynamic, and would make sense given the time period and societal expectations for a man like Kyojuro
(Also semi-reminds me of my personal kinda crack headcanon of Kyojuro and Shinobu coming to an arrangement and deciding to get engaged to essentially be each other beards and literally everyone who knows them is like "oh hold on a fucking second what the fuck is going on you cannot convince me you have feelings for each other." I just think it's very funny, and well.... Kyojuro needs a wife. Shinobu might not come from a well known family or anything, but she's obviously well known amongst the Corps.... She's a good option. And Shinobu agrees because well.... She just kind of intended to never get married but hey, a legal husband does get a bit of suspicion off her and again, given the time period, much easier for a woman to get by with a husband than without, assuming she survives the end of the series and the Corps dissolves and she has to be involved with normal society at large again. It's a good deal for her too. Tangent, but I think it's a funny scenario lmao)
#sorry this took so long to answer. I saw it when you sent it. and i went oh!!! i should answer that when i'm off tonight#and then fucking forgot#kimetsu no yaiba#kyojuro rengoku#akaza#renkaza#asks#kaz rambles
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HENRI AND AUGUSTINE HEADCANONS PART 2!!!
caution warnings for:
Religious homophobia, internalized homophobia, and period typical homophobia. Child abuse, and violence me thinks.
No nsfw, not sure if that's good or bad depending on the reader LMAO but there is like. A hint of mild sexual themes.
Augustine headcanons -
Listen. He's a mamas boy through and through.
I really don't see him having a father figure, memes aside.
His boyish and childish nature comes from somewhere, and it comes from his mother sort of babying him, even as an adult. (although alot less so) he's not a man child, just,,, childish.
Which is not a bad thing, I love love LOVE childish characters!
Augustine has a charm to him that makes others attracted to him like a magnet. He was such a ladies man before he met his wife.
However his family was really religious and his mother had a habit of demonizing his father, Augustine never really met the dude at all, so he just takes her word on it.
His mother was very vocal of being against same sex relationships, saying she'd never know what to do if her little boy turned out to be a predator on other men. (Eugh, that kinda hits hard considering what he is now :((()
So anytime Augustine has any thoughts of being in a relationship with a man he'd shoot it down. Despite having romantic and sexual feelings for men. He'd repress those thoughts.
But a certain y'know who made him very welcoming of these thoughts. It took self convincing. At the time, his mother was dead. he didn't care if she was looking down at him with disappointment. Augustine really wanted a certain soldier.
He never felt so sure.
But he was a very outgoing and social man, confident and such. adding on to his Lambert charm. And as a child he is basically the same.
He is around 6'1-6'3.
Fuck it. He has freckles. Someone draw Augustine with freckles he'd look like more of a nerd that he already does,,, a buff nerd lmao
for some reason Augustine would be a really good dancer, wouldn't be surprised if the stalker tried to do a mating dance for Henri similar to toothless attempting to impress the light fury. (Search the reference up at least)
Yeah his body is really fit, he's a man trained for war, he has to keep himself fit.
his face doesn't really match his body, his face appears soft and a bit rounder, I just imagine Augustine have a bit of a baby face. (Compared to Henri you can see that Henri has a bit more angles to his jawline. Augustine has a much softer curve.)
He pouts if frictional games gave me Augustine lambert and said "give him more personality" you bet your ass I am.
However when drafted into war, he sorta forgotten all about god. He started to doubt if there even was one.
That's it for Augustine headcanons! Feel free to discuss them!! I really wanna know your Augustine headcanons! (I hope they aren't him being mean
Cracks fingers and they glow. Ok, henri. Cmere you twink.
Yeah he sorta lived with his dad his whole life.
His father was a harsh, cold and careless man and only cared for his son to like manly things. (He took that too literally)
Henri with daddy issues? Yes please. Run wild.
His mother is dead, she died due to a horrible illness when Henri was only four, and it took a toll on his father, making him lash out at Henri for anything he did that his father deemed wrong.
Henri was a very quiet and shy boy as a kid, his determination in his later life was not to be found until he'd be 13.
But his father decided that if he sent his son to war, he'd come back a man.
Well uh. Your son either has a badass monster boyfriend or he's a prisoner of war.
Pick your cards dude. Gay son or dead son.
knowing that this specific time period was violently homophobic,,, yeah.
As a teenager he actually figured it would be better not to try and mingle with others. When girls of all things attempted to speak to him he'd freak out. The only woman (or person) he hugged was his mom. And he was 4.
Henri is definitely antisocial. An introvert. An introverted scoundrel, perhaps.
However in war, a man named Augustine really helped him out of his shell.
He's not a good dancer at all please he'd trip so much he'd be so apologetic if he stepped on your foot 😭
My personal headcanons for Henri is that he's just.. really shy. Atleast when he was a child. But grew to like being alone. Other than his father being not... Very good at parenting, Henri managed to survive his stressful home life. But war can't really compare to it.
I'm projecting onto Henri no I am not ok :D
He is surprisingly not as twinkish you'd expect him to be, he's got a fair enough muscle on him. He's still pretty fucking hot tho imo.
This man has NOT RESTED. Has NOT EATEN. has NOT DRANK WATER IN DAYS. he is in such an unhealthy state in the bunker help him
He does lock himself in the generator room, turn off the generator and just make a makeshift bed and attempt to rest as best as he could. Luckily he got a whopping 3 hours of sleep that time.
i can't get blonde Henri out of my head please help
Also I'm sorry you say Henri has blue eyes yet his eyes are black in the photo STOP LYING HIS EYES R BROWN.
Anyways I think I just fueled the bunker fans with Henri with daddy issues.
Shit I'm gonna end this here I planned on giving them a fairy amount of headcanons.
But yes, please discuss! I love it when ppl actually interact with my posts, so it'd be nice for some input!
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So I finally rewatched the red white and royal blue movie. I did like it but i have some feelings about it
First, i must say i always do this with film adaptations, i can recognize that as a standalone film its a good movie but paired with and compared to the source material i just can’t like the movie as much. And unfortunately that’s what happened here.
Based on first seeing the trailer i was so worried about the casting of Alex and henry but i think they did well. I think nick did well with henry and i did like how he was portrayed. Taylor also did a good job with Alex too for how Alex was written.
Now with the things that bothered me.
WHERE THE HELL IS JUNE?! Idk i just don’t like the idea of Alex being an only child, him and henry both have sisters and to me its super important that they both do, also missing her with Nora..
Also i kind of liked the book being a bit of a coming out story and while Alex still had to come out to other people within himself he kinda already knew he liked henry, he just had to reconcile with liking henry and not just because he’s a man.
Also super weird that it was a king and not a queen. How did they plan that cos there is no way they filmed this after the queen died. Maybe they were trying to avoid the comparison but then Liz had to just fuck it up by dieing lol
Now my BIGGEST BEEF with this movie. Right at the end the thing i was looking forward to the most DID NOT HAPPEN. They didn’t move into the next stage of life together. They didn’t move into the brownstone. The movie just ends right after the election, no epilogue no “and this is how we ended up” and i do hate that. Them starting their lives together, getting to set their own terms and move forward. Henry doesn’t get to set up his own life and become his own person he just is alex’s support surrounding the election. Idk that just makes it feel incomplete. However, upon thought i guess that you kinda have to do this in movies. It does also open them up for a sequel but i don’t think they’ll get one. Idk that part is definitely gonna bother me.
But yes while i had some issues at the end of the day its a cute little romcom and gay people get to be happy and that’s the best part
Now imagine if they were women and it was a sapphic story then it would be EXCELLENT
Well yes point one for the gay men. They get another movie of them falling in love and having sex like adults in a popular mainstream movie good for them
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'The many worlds where narrative cinema can take us is one of the form’s most attractive features. We can see what life on Mars might look like if we ever set up shop there (The Martian, 2015), dodge a dragon in a gold-filled cavern (The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug, 2013), feel the excitement of high-stakes gambling (Molly’s Game, 2017), or have a thrilling adventure circumnavigating the globe (Around the World in Eighty Days, 1956). We can thank the many directors, actors, cinematographers, and stylists of all sorts for the way they create the visual environments in which we can immerse ourselves.
This all starts, however, with the word. The films I mentioned above were all adapted from books, the vehicle that has nurtured our need to stretch our experiences and imagination for centuries. As a writer myself, I am acutely aware that what I see on screen is an exercise of the writer’s craft made visible. So, my view of Andrew Haigh’s All of Us Strangers, adapted by the director from Japanese author Taichi Yamada’s 1987novel Strangers, definitely is colored by their choice to have their main character make his living as a screenwriter.
We meet Adam (Andrew Scott) in his apartment on the 27nd floor of a boxy, nondescript building somewhere in London. He is trying to write a script on his laptop, but nothing is coming. He lowers the screen, looks through a few old photos, and goes to his refrigerator to grab some leftovers when a fire alarm sounds. Clearly well practiced at high-rise evacuation procedures, he heads down to the street and crosses the road to look up at the building. He sees someone looking back at him from another apartment.
Returning home after the false alarm, Adam gets a visit from the figure he saw at the window. Harry (Paul Mescal), apparently the only other tenant in the building, offers him a slug of whiskey from his half-empty bottle and a chance to hang out or possibly hook up for sex. Adam begs off, but the connection has been made. The next time Harry comes to Adam’s door, he is invited in for oral sex. The men talk afterward, with Adam having trouble using the now preferred term “queer,” which he always found derogatory. Adam is an older gay man who lived in the shadow of AIDS and who hasn’t considered fucking anyone for ages for fear of dying. Harry’s arrival reawakens Adam’s interest not only in sex, but also in companionship and the possibility of love.
We learn through a conversation he has with Harry that Adam’s parents were killed in a car crash when he was eleven and that he is trying to write about them. To that end, he travels by train to Croydon, in South London, to the home in which he was raised. To his astonishment, he finds his parents living in the home, looking exactly as they did the year of their deaths. So begins a series of visits between the three of them during which Adam’s career, sexuality, and the manner of his parents’ death—they know they died—are discussed.
Yamada’s novel carries on his culture’s time-honored tradition of ghost stories and was made into the 1988 horror film The Discarnates by director Nobuhiko Obayashi. While most such Japanese stories take for granted the existence of ghosts and advance in a conventional horror/eerie fashion, Western takes on hauntings like All of Us Strangers tend to the psychological.
Even before we get to Croydon, we can perceive the film’s otherworldly patina. It’s hard to believe that a large apartment building like the one Adam and Harry inhabit would be so empty. At the same time, the environment Haigh creates goes beyond a simple haunting. If we remember that in Jungian psychology, the house is the symbol of the self, then it would appear that Adam is not at home with himself. All is provisional, isolated. And who set off the fire alarm? Perhaps an obviously lonely Harry to see some of his neighbors. It also is entirely possible that it was an internal trigger by Adam himself signaling that some neglected part of his psyche is ready to be tended to.
Director Andrew Haigh is entirely upfront about how personal All of Us Strangers is to him. Haigh envisaged Adam as something of an alter ego, a middle-age gay man and screenwriter. He cast Jamie Bell and Claire Foy as Adam’s parents because they reminded him of his parents, and he filmed the scenes between these characters at the actual home in which he was raised. Thus, the ghosts he conjures exist as avatars of remembrance, psychological need, and emotional honesty.
Throughout All of Us Strangers, Adam flashes back repeatedly to the night he learned that his parents died, suggesting that he may still be suffering trauma from the loss. He even tries to prevent them from going to the party from which they would never return. Foy and Bell completely inhabit the roles of caring parents caught in time and trying to give Adam what he needs. They seem so natural in their affection and actions, making the homecoming scenes both comfortable and impossibly poignant.
Adam gives himself the chance to share aspects of his life and personality with them that they never lived to know. He beams with pleasure when they are impressed that he is a writer, a career they never would have guessed he would pursue. Importantly, he sits down to have a talk with each of them separately about being gay. His mother, inquiring as to why he hasn’t got a girlfriend, is shocked when he says he is into men. Foy expertly runs through the mother’s emotions of anger, fear about his vulnerability to AIDS, and clichés about homosexuality being a “lonely life.” Adam says people don’t really say that anymore and that things are different, but, in fact, his life is lonely. His father reveals that he suspected that Adam was gay and being bullied, but never raised it with him because he confesses he probably would have picked on his son if he were one of his schoolmates.
Adam’s relationship with Harry is one of the best depictions of modern romance I have seen in a long time. Haigh says he has filmed a lot of sex scenes, so he knows how to modulate the pair’s first hook-up to be sexy, but still tentative, as first encounters normally are. The men grow in their mutual familiarity, keeping their love private for a time, but eventually bursting out into the world in a dark, color-saturated disco. (Indeed, cinematographer Jamie Ramsay bathes Adam’s world in glorious color—reds, blues, lavenders, golds—and the bright, suburban hues of life with his parents.) The sensuality of dancing, of being surrounded by sweaty bodies and physical closeness, is something Adam basks in like a ritual bath. Scott and Mescal are exceptionally good, their chemistry and understanding of the dynamics of falling in love fully realized in their performances.
We are not at all surprised that Adam wants to introduce Harry to his parents—but only he can see them. When he breaks into his childhood home to find them, he crosses a line. The next time he sees his parents, they tell him that he needs to stop coming around for his own good. His tearful pleading with them that he needs more time is heartbreaking. But since Adam dreamed them up in the first place, he is really telling himself that he has done the work he needed to do to climb out of his shell and connect to the rest of the world.
Haigh’s variation on the Yamada’s title underlines that, in a sense, we are all strangers, imprisoned in the only mind we can hear. Reaching out requires some courage and boundless amounts of empathy for others and ourselves. All of Us Strangers has a surprising ending that blends our experience of real lives and feelings brought to the screen and the strange prerogatives of writers to do with their characters what they will to resolve whatever issues they choose to raise. In the final analysis, Haigh affirms that “We are such stuff as dreams are made on, and our little life is rounded with a sleep.”'
#All of Us Strangers#Andrew Scott#Paul Mescal#Claire Foy#Jamie Bell#Andrew Haigh#Taichi Yamada#Strangers#The Discarnates#Jamie Ramsay
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these are the fics I read or reread and enjoyed this month! like last time, i’m separating it into different sections: main list, podfics, wips, and non-1d. rereads will be included in the main list and marked with *.
*note: this list encompasses the fics i’ve read from the 1st to the 25th and any fics read after will be included in next month’s fic rec list because otherwise this is going to be obnoxiously long.
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main list ~
✰ black cherries and chocolate by @harryanthus | NR | 666 (intense and jarring in the best way. this leaves you with that heart-racing feeling and panic crawling up your throat)
There is something or well, someone in the walls.
✰ keep secrets just to keep you by @hadestyles | T | 1k (loved this so much!! and need 1000000 more royalty abos from rori immediately)
“With the elements as my witness, I take you to be my husband. My heartbeat begins with you and ends with you, Louis Tomlinson.”
Louis sinks to his knees as well, salty tears mixing with the pure rainwater. “And I take you as mine. My heart beats for you and with you.”
✰ bitter coffee and sweet love by @dontfuckwithmyotp | G | 1k (so cute and sweet!! proud of you ari for getting your first fic out and excited to see what you do next!)
“Hello! Welcome to The Busy Bean! Are you new?” Louis blinked in surprise at the voice and looked around to find the source. “Behind you,” The person tapped his shoulder once and he whirled around at the unexpected touch.
“Hey! Didn’t anyone ever tell you not to interrupt a person—” His rant stopped when he finally faced them. It was a guy—Harry Styles, according to his small black name tag. His eyes widened in embarrassment.
✰ turn your mic off, baby by @vogueharrystan | E | 2k (i love when lilli writes harry’s pov. this was so hot!)
Louis walks around the house naked all day and ignores Harry to play video games instead. Harry gets tired of it.
✰ This Could Be Love by mulletharry | G | 2k (such a cute and perfect little valentine’s day fic! put the biggest smile on my face <3)
Harry and Louis have been together for four months. They spend their first Valentine’s Day together.
✰ you appear as my soul by @hadestyles | T | 2k (so gorgeous and raw)
He aches — not as much as Louis, he could never imagine all that he bears quietly — and as cruel as it sounds, it keeps reminding him of how fragile they are.
✰ the energy from your body by sweetielouis | E | 3k (hilarious, hot, and cute!)
Harry and his friends have a popular podcast, for the Valentines Day special they get a bit drunk and talk a bit too comfortably about their friends arses.
It's a good thing Louis doesn't mind it all that much.
✰ look how i remember by @harryanthus | M | 4k (this left me speechless and aching)
He hates it, he wants to scream and tell Harry as much. Kiss me like you mean it. Kiss me as if we are in love. Kiss me like you will never do it again. Kiss me with so much hatred that it turns back to love.
✰ Things Unsaid by @londonfoginacup | G | 5k (so so cute and funny!!)
"That chunky oversized sweater is like a clown outfit made for winter."
It feels like time slows down.
Those words echo in his mind, familiar. Why are they familiar? The— the sweater he saw last week. The one with all the knit squares.
The train slows to a stop and Louis just— he doesn’t move. He feels frozen in place as people surge around him. Suddenly everyone is moving too fast and then just as suddenly the car is near empty, taking off again.
The man is gone.
His soulmate is gone.
✰ reckless serenade by @thepolourryexpress | E | 4k (adorable and funny and amazing!)
Harry's Google search history may or may not look like 'my girlfriend doesn't know we're dating.'
✰ dancing in the moonlight by @outropeace | E | 5k (need 100k more of this immediately, thanks. so wonderful)
Louis’ fuck buddy gets a date for Valentine’s day and he discovers that denial isn’t just a river in Egypt.
✰ The truth is, the stars are falling by larrysbeanies | E | 5k (hot!!! walking-in trope that i love so much)
Harry knows Louis is gay. Hell, he came out to Harry exactly two months ago (when the dreadful dry spell started) because it was becoming increasingly hard to hide the fact that his one night stands were men. And, you know, they’re best friends so there aren’t supposed to be secrets and all that.
Thing is, Louis told Harry he’s gay ergo, Harry is aware that Louis likes men. Why the fuck did he act so normal while fingering him three days ago, then? Is this something straight guys do to their gay best friends in Harry’s world?
Louis would really like to know.
✰ to be used and to be in love by @thelesserneptune | E | 5k (blessed that this is a series. really hot and cute!)
Louis doesn't know why his filthy best friend turned into a vanilla boyfriend and thinks of the perfect birthday present to solve that problem.
✰ on the borderline by @princelouisau | E | 8k (the way danielle writes... poetry. this broke me down and then stitched me back up <3)
Louis makes his choice.
✰ One Step Closer by agrinwithouthiscat | G | 12k (reading asexual hl fics is instant comfort and this was lovely)
The one fake relationship AU where they don't end up together.
✰ i glow pink in the night by @raspberryoatss | E | 12k (hybrid louis perfection, beautiful writing, characters, and story as always!)
Harry reads a lot of articles about hybrids and Louis is determined to prove them wrong.
✰ The Thinker of Tender Thoughts by @speakingwithink | G | 13k (asexual hl again! this one made me cry)
Louis sits on his hands to stop them from shaking as he adds, ‘and I’m ace.’ If only he had glitter, he thinks. Coming out deserves a bit of sparkle.
✰ Kiss Me Once, Kiss Me Twice by @harriblou | M | 13k (enemies with benefits to lovers goodness! so hot and entertaining)
“You’re a fucking brat, you know that,” Harry muttered through clenched teeth, bones already burning with the pure desire and hatred mixing in his body. It was an intoxicating rush of adrenaline and something else that probably came with fucking Louis Tomlinson. He squeezed his neck just a little tighter. “I can’t stand it.”
Their lips were brushing against each other, just moving with the ragged movements of their mouths and harsh breathing.
“You’re a lying piece of shit dickhead,” Louis muttered right back. That was all he did, challenge and nag. He loved to have the last word and Harry let him because he used all his energy to fuck him mindless.
✰ hold onto your stars by vashtaneradas | NR | 16k (this writer’s atmosphere/prose draws me in every time. such a lovely story)
Harry's in the army, Louis' back home, and ninety days is a lifetime.
✰ The Future is Now by @jacaranda-bloom | E | 16k (love fics in this five times format and this one was so unique and cool!! and the friends to lovers aspect = chef’s kiss)
Five times Louis follows the fortunes to seek out his true love, and the one time he realises that what he's been searching for might've been right in front of him the whole time.
✰ Visceral Heat & Carnal Highs by @theisolatedlily | E | 18k (the prose in this... gorgeous. so fucking good and addicting. delighted that there’s going to be a sequel and excited for whatever lily does next!)
Louis is a demon at a house party prowling for a meal, indulging in horrendous sins to satisfy his hunger. Harry is the talk of the night, beckoning all eyes on him and the reason why Louis’s plan goes awry.
✰ deFENCEless by @solvetheminourdreams | T | 27k (this was so cute and so funny and i had the biggest smile on my face the entire time. not surprised since stef always evokes that in me with her writing)
When Louis butts heads with his new neighbor who loves to garden a little too much, all he can do to protect his yard (and heart), is keep on building up his fence(s).
✰ darling, you give love a bad name by snowcaplou | M | 29k (been waiting for this one since summer and i wasn’t disappointed! so wonderful and real!)
Louis’ has been best friends with Gemma all his life in this stupid little town he’s grown to hate. What happens when, after one night together with his best friend’s brother, he falls pregnant? Surrounded by small minds and conservative cultures, Louis has to deal with parents that demand they do the “right” thing. Get married before anybody finds out.
✰ The Haunting of Louis Tomlinson* by @helloamhere | T | 31k (will never not be an all-time favorite. louis’ character is my absolute favorite - gothic heroine indeed - and harry is the best dramatic gay ghost ever <3)
Louis is a plucky Gothic Heroine, Harry is a Mournful Spirit, and Big Country Houses are full of mystery and suspense, as Big Country Houses ever are!
✰ begged and borrowed time by @bottomlwt | M | 40k (this concept was so unique and so cool!! loved the medieval setting and the time travel and how everything fit together in the end!!)
“It wasn’t until 1568 that it became time for Prince Harry to find a queen and prepare to rule. However, the day he was set to choose his bride-to-be, he mysteriously disappeared, never to be seen again despite the multiple search parties that went on through the years. To this day, historians still do not know what happened with the infamous Prince Styles case..."
✰ Lidocaine and Palm Trees.* by @daddyharrie | E | 45k (definition of ris comfort read - on nth reread and still love it wholly. makes me miss la which is an astonishing feat in itself)
Heat, fake tans and lots of traffic.
Harry never expected to earn his living this way when he moved to LA.
Louis didn't think he could ever be the same after his divorce.
A lighthearted story about two guys trying to find themselves in the vibrant, sprawling city of Los Angeles, with a side of technical porn industry stuff.
✰ haunted by the ghost of you* by @missandrogyny | E | 49k (perhaps my favorite fic of all time? the humor, the characters, the angst?!?! all the britney spears!! and pink ouija boards and wikihow!!)
He’s tall—that’s the first thing that registers in Louis’ head when he spots him, standing with his hands behind his back. Tall, with curly hair, staring at them with the widest, greenest eyes Louis has ever seen. And wait, are those dimples? Louis didn’t know ghosts could have dimples.
Because he’s definitely a ghost, this boy. At first glance he looks normal, standing there pigeon-toed in a band shirt (The Ramones, Louis can’t help but note incredulously), dark jeans, and some boots, with rings on both hands, and tattoos littering his left arm—a sleeve made of anchors and names and roses and other completely unrelated things. But he’s also a little bit translucent; if Louis focuses, he can see the outline of the furniture, the design of the wallpaper through him.
“Hi,” the boy—the ghost—says to Louis. His face shifts; somehow his dimples dig deeper into his cheeks. His eyes flit from Louis, to Niall, to Liam, and finally to Zayn, and his face goes from shocked to elated. “I’m Harry.”
At in that exact moment, standing between three of his best friends and staring at a (quite handsome) ghost, Louis can only think one thing.
Nick Grimshaw was right.
✰ like real people do by @eeveelou | E | 64k (this was... so amazing. the characters were so wonderfully written and so was the journey of healing and growth that louis undertakes over the story :’) loved the contrast between l and h’s lives and how they fit into each other still so perfectly)
Jessica Jones AU in which the dead stay where they belong, featuring Zayn as the high-powered lawyer with a hopeless crush on his assistant Liam, Niall as the constantly stoned but strangely insightful neighbor, Harry as Manhattan’s media darling, and Louis as the never-was hero who’s just trying to pick up the pieces.
✰ Black With Autumn Rain by whimsicule | T | 93k (i actually can’t remember if i’ve read this before??? either way - it was wonderful! loved the setting and atmosphere and the supernatural elements! i was so intrigued from the first sentence onwards)
Harry is a journalist, Louis has lots of secrets and the moors aren’t exactly the ideal place to rekindle a lost romance.
podfics ~
✰ tall stories on the page by @soldouthaz & read by @softlouislove | T (hannah’s voice is so lovely and perfect for reading aloud - and ofc the fic itself is amazing)
Harry's tired of being interviewed by people that only care about the same pointless gossip. Louis is a nice change of pace.
wips ~
✰ Truth Behind Golden Eyes by @lwtisloved | E | 60k | 6/16 (just caught up fully today but i’m really enjoying everything! this is everything i’ve ever wanted in a fantasy fic)
Louis is a royal servant born with magic in a kingdom where his sole existence is outlawed with a war he has no idea he has a part in upon him. Harry is the prince on whom the burden of mending a broken kingdom falls upon and he might be willing to risk it all for a simple servant if only he admitted it to himself.
✰ ‘cause all our tomorrows lead the way by @loubellies | E | 39k | 3/10 (having a blast reading this one!! i’ve never seen the bachelor in my life but in fic-format, it’s so fun!)
So maybe Louis’ in over his head.
He had signed up for the Bachelor on a whim after his second bottle of wine and well, here he is. He’s just been announced as the twenty-sixth Bachelor and his ass is sweating. Like, literally sweating. He’s positive that if he was to turn around, the entirety of Bachelor Nation would get a nice peek of his ass sweat.
✰ The Night Still Whispers Sins of Old by @toomanydreamers | E | 6k | 2/? (loving this so much, as expected. can’t wait to see how everything unfolds)
Two and a half years have passed since the fateful day when Louis and Harry were crowned Triwizard champions. Confronted with misunderstandings, wounded pride and heartache, Louis stumbled away from the possibility of a future relationship with Harry. Instead, he buried himself into relentless work as a junior Auror and refused to let himself be vulnerable with another person. Circumstances change that force Louis to confront his feelings - and Harry. Stolen glances, picnics at sunrise, thrilling adventures, original spellwork, midnight feasts, soft lips and cautious second chances culminate in an unforgettable mission - but will it be enough to mend their relationship?
non-1d ~
✰ like a bullet needs a gun by @millsxwriting | T | 21k | wilds au (despite me having no context, mills still got me to fall in love with toni and shelby. this was so cute and lovely!!)
Toni doesn’t expect to fall for anyone in her senior year. Least of all for Shelby Goodkind, the new girl that arrived in town just before the end of summer. In fact, Toni can’t even look at her for longer than two seconds, or listen to more than three sentences coming out of her mouth without wanting to accidentally push her off a cliff.
Cue a group project and endless bickering, and suddenly Toni finds herself with an unbearable crush.
If you read any of these beautiful works of art, remember to leave kudos and comment to show your appreciation!
*if i made any errors, please let me know :)
enjoy!
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Morgan’s Dad
Hi, I’m back with a new Starker OS. Thank you Starker Asylum for all of your smutty ideas <3 Warnings: Anal Sex and a bit of feminization. Peter is 18 in this!!!
~*~
Peter had a crush on Morgan’s dad since he could remember. Back then, when he had met the girl in preschool, Peter had looked up to her dad because the man drove a cool car and wore fancy suits. As he grew older, Peter’s crush grew as well. He started to admire the man, his ability to care for Morgan as a single dad, and his impressive career as an engineer. One day, Peter wanted to become an engineer as well.
When Peter turned seventeen, however, his crush started to change. Suddenly, it wasn’t only the brilliance of Morgan’s dad that he looked up to. Suddenly, Peter noticed how perfect the man looked, his strong body, the playful smirk on his lips.
Peter had just turned eighteen when Morgan invited him to a movie night with her dad. It was the first time Peter saw her dad dressed in casual clothes. A worn-out shirt and thin sweatpants that did nothing to hide how much the man was packing. That’s when the fantasies began.
Once everything started, Peter couldn’t stop it anymore. Every night he spent at Morgan’s Peter wished that he could crawl in her dad’s bed. He fantasized about what it would feel like to be held down and fucked by the man until he couldn’t walk straight anymore.
Peter didn’t tell anyone about his crush on Tony Stark. The man was more than twenty years older than him, successful and rich. There was no way he was interested in someone like Peter. For a while, Peter was content keeping his feelings to himself. He watched the man from afar and spent his nights thinking about Tony while he stroked his cock and fingered himself. That was until one day Morgan found out.
It was already late. They were lying in Morgan’s bed, a respectable distance between them. She had never been uncomfortable being too close to Peter, knowing he wasn’t into girls anyway. Even though both of them were tired, they were still talking way past midnight.
After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Morgan suddenly spoke up. “I know you’re into him.”
“Huh?”
“My dad. I know you want him to fuck you.”
Peter blushed and he was glad it was too dark for Morgan to see.
“Not true.”
She chuckled and Peter could see through the darkness that she was raising her brows. “That’s why you’re staring at his crotch every time he enters the room?”
Peter’s blush intensified and he was sure not even the dark was protecting him from Morgan finding out anymore. He had never been a good liar, especially if it came to his crush on Tony Stark.”
“And what if I am? Into him I mean,” Peter asked warily.
Morgan didn’t answer immediately, choosing her words carefully. “I wouldn’t mind. No, that’s not true. I do mind. I would support you. Peter, I know my dad wants you, he’s looking as much at your ass as you’re looking at his crotch.”
“He does?” Peter had never noticed before and the thought sent a tingle down his spine.
“God, Peter. Sometimes you’re really delusional. Yes, he does. I know I should be fighting it, hell, he’s twice your age, but the truth is, I don’t care. Dad hasn’t done anything for himself since mom left us. I just want the two favorite men in my life to be happy.”
Peter couldn’t stop himself from cooing and hugging his best friend close. She was a real friend and he was glad she was supporting his crush. They talked until the sun was already rising, making plans and discussing their feelings. When they finally fell asleep, Peter had a smile on his face.
The late-night talk with Morgan changed everything. Suddenly, Peter noticed that Tony was staring at his ass. The man was lowering his gaze almost immediately, shame written on his face, but Peter knew something had been there. Tony wouldn’t act on his feelings if Peter didn’t take the first step.
In the end, it was Morgan who had the idea. She called her plan ‘seduce Tony Stark’ and Peter blushed as she introduced him to the first steps of her great idea.
“Just promise me you won’t fuck him anywhere in the house despite his bedroom. And don’t make out in front of me.”
Peter grinned at her. “I promise. I don’t want to fuck him anyway. I want him to fuck me.”
Morgan groaned while Peter started to laugh.
The day Morgan and Peter had picked for their plan to start was a Friday. Usually, Morgan and Tony would have a father-daughter movie night, but it wouldn’t be the first time for Peter to join.
An hour before Tony would come home, Morgan pulled Peter to her room and they started to get him ready. A tiny bit of lipgloss, a too-short skirt, and a pair of panties Peter had bought in the mall a few days ago. Morgan had told him how much her dad liked men in lingerie. She had accidentally found his porn history when she was younger, and even though the videos had traumatized her younger self, now she was actually glad he had forgotten to delete it.
When Tony came home from work, Peter was still waiting in Morgan’s room while father and daughter were setting up the living room for a comfortable evening. Pretending to do homework, Peter buried himself in his favorite engineering textbook until Morgan came to tell him they were ready.
“Don’t do anything before I leave the room,” she threatened and Peter answered with a laugh. Then he followed her into the living room.
Tony looked perfect sitting on the couch. He wore the thin sweatpants again that didn’t hide the bulk between his legs and emphasized his thick tights. To make it worse, his t-shirt was a size too small, showing off his strong arms, and his hair was disheveled from a long day at work. Peter wanted to crawl onto his lap immediately.
Instead, he pulled himself together and sat down on the couch next to Tony, close but not too close to be suspicious.
“Hello, Mr. Stark.”
Tony’s eyes darkened when his eyes fell on Peter’s outfit and his hands twitched with the need to reach out for Peter. The man’s hungry eyes made Peter squirm and he could feel his cock hardening in the thin fabric of his panties. It was going to be a long night.
When Morgan sat down, she made sure to take up a lot of space so that Peter was pressed closer against Tony’s body. Peter could feel the heat from the man through his clothes and a small whimper left his lips. Tony had definitely heard him because his gaze darkened further. Before anything could escalate, Morgan started the movie.
The evening was torture. After a while, Peter had shifted and pulled his legs under his body. He was leaning slightly towards Morgan such that his ass was pushed against Tony’s body. Every time the man moved, Peter could feel pressure against his cheeks, and the skirt rode up further and further until he was barely covered.
He started to sweat. His dick hardened and he wanted nothing more than to jump the man next to him. Sitting so close to his crush was driving Peter crazy with arousal. He needed to be fucked today, he would do anything necessary to sit on Tony’s cock.
After half an hour Morgan excused herself. She faked a phone call and disappeared into her room, only to wink at Peter before she left. Thankfully, Tony was too distracted to notice.
As soon as the door closed behind her, Peter couldn’t hold back anymore. He had waited so long, had imagined so often how it would feel to ride the man’s cock. Before Tony could even react, Peter crawled onto the man’s lap and pressed his entire body against Tony’s. Immediately, a thick bulge was pressed against his ass. Delicious.
“Peter what are you doing?” Tony’s voice was wavering, so uncommon for the usual cocky man while Peter’s hands pulled up the man’s shirt.
“What does it look like? Seducing you of course.”
“But what about Morgan?”
Peter paused, his hands stopping midway on their mission to get rid of Tony’s shirt, and his brows twitched in confusion.
“What’s up with Morgan?”
“Aren’t you two, you know…” Tony didn’t finish his sentence and it took a while for Peter to catch up. As soon as he understood, Peter laughed loudly.
“I’m gay, Mr. Stark. Morgan is my best friend. Besides…” He leaned closer until his lips were almost grazing Tony’s ear. “She told me to fuck you until you’re smiling again.”
Peter had expected Tony to be angry with him because he had talked to Morgan about his crush, he expected him to laugh or tell Peter he’s just a child, but apparently, Tony was too far gone to care about anything else but the half-naked man on his lap. He ripped Peter’s clothes from his body until he was wearing nothing but the new pair of panties.
“You’re such a tease,” Tony growled, his hands wandering across Peter’s body until they finally found their place on Peter’s ass. “Showing off your cute little ass whenever I enter the room. Tell me what you want from me, Peter. Tell me what I should do to you.”
Peter moaned, Tony’s deep voice sent shivers down his spine and he arched his back to be closer to the man. Big calloused hands stroked his ass, pulling his cheeks apart and slipping between. He would die if Tony didn’t fuck him right now.
“Need you, Daddy. Need your cock. ‘M feeling so empty.”
Tony didn’t need to be told twice. He stood up with Peter still clinging to him, one hand under Peter’s ass and the other one buried in his hair. Without even breaking a sweat, Tony carried them to his bedroom while Peter rubbed against him like a bitch in heat. The man’s strength would break him one day.
Finally lying on Tony’s bed, Peter watched the man as he fumbled for a bottle of lube in his bedside drawer before crawling back between Peter’s legs.
“Open up for me, baby,” Tony coaxed, his hands pushing Peter’s thighs apart. “Show me your sweet little pussy.”
With a whimper, Peter arched his back, pressing his ass closer to Tony until he finally felt a thick finger tapping against his hole. Tony didn’t even get the chance to move before Peter pressed his hips against the man’s hand, taking the finger in one stroke. He was used to much thicker things like the dildos he bounced on while he imagined being fucked by Tony. One finger had never been enough and it only made his pathetic whimpering worse.
“You can’t get enough, can you?” Tony asked while he pressed a second finger inside. “I’ve never seen someone greedier than you. Even a whore doesn’t need it as badly.”
Peter was too far gone to even try to hold back. He only spread his legs wider, begging for the man’s cock. He wanted so badly to clench around something thick, wanted so badly to bounce on Tony’s length until he was coming untouched.
When Tony didn’t make an attempt to fuck him anytime soon, Peter stepped up his game. “Fuck me, Daddy. Show me that you belong to me.”
Just as he had thought, Tony was losing his control immediately. He turned Peter around until he was presenting, his ass raised high while his chest was pressed onto the mattress. With a single thrust, Tony buried himself in Peter’s hole.
The sensation was maddening. Peter had never been fucked by a cock as huge as Tony’s and he whimpered and cried as Tony started to move in earnest. It was almost embarrassing how fast he was racing towards his orgasm.
Tony didn’t take it slow. He was hammering into Peter until the boy saw stars and his thighs started to tremble. Every thrust brought Peter closer and closer to the orgasm and it took a single stroke against his prostate for Peter’s world to explode in a thousand colors.
His hole clenched around Tony’s cock while his cook was shooting his load onto the mattress. There was nothing more that he needed except to be filled and marked as Tony’s.
“Come inside me, daddy. Fill me up and make me drip your seed for days.”
Peter wasn’t sure if his words or the desperate clenching of his hole sent Tony over the edge, but as soon as the last spurt of come had left Peter’s cock, Tony filled him up. Being marked and owned felt like he was in heaven and Peter relaxed into the mattress while Tony rode out his orgasm.
“You’ll be the death of me,” Tony cursed when he finally came down. “One look at your tight little ass and I’m done.”
Peter smiled and turned around so he could pull Tony into his arms. “I don’t mind, daddy,” he chuckled, a satisfied smile on his face. “As long as you fill me up afterward you can fuck me whenever you want.”
Tony groaned, but he let himself be pulled into Peter’s arms. Peter immediately knew this wouldn’t be the last time they were going to fuck. This man would be completly his in less than a week.
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Love L(eyes)
Pairing: Kim Namjoon x Female Reader
Synopsis: He was a bit odd, quiet, mysterious and studious, but you liked him. Found him more agreeable than some of your other coworkers. Besides, you were never the one to judge, no matter how strange the rumors around him were. This is why you happily accepted his slightly childish, secret Santa-exchange Christmas gift. And being so incautious is what caused your own undoing
Word Count: 3.4k
Warnings: Attempt at Black Comedy, Yandere themes, Stalking, Obsession, Mentions of Smut, Riding, Orgasms, Voyeurism, Blackmail, Y/N Stupidity, Unedited
Admin: @roses-ruby
Request:
“Looks like someone’s had one too many Hawaiian-flavored shots again.”
Your coworker remarks at the girl in the distance hogging the karaoke machine and tearing her lungs out to Wham’s Last Christmas. You huff humorously at her and at your other colleagues who became shitfaced to overly spiked punch as an excuse to get loose in their normally constrained work environment. Some other time you would have joined them, but this week had been especially exhausting for you.
The supervisor, after zealously creating the holiday season itself, had sprained her ankle 2 days ago – leaving you in charge. As if it wasn’t chaotic enough thanks to her dedication for winter festivities, it was now all in your hands and the both of you couldn’t have been more different. Whereas she was Mrs. Claus wrapped in jubilant, giddy and imaginative red wrapping, you were a nonchalant grey piece of paper. Which is exactly what you decided to do with everything she had planned out for the office’s Christmas party:
Caroling? Those who want to sing can go ahead.
Gingerbread house competition? Literally not happening.
Secret Santa? Just give the presents when you can.
It may have been uninteresting but as long as adults had their alcohol – you eye the elated faces of your coworkers – it wouldn’t matter.
“___?” You jump slightly, spinning around when you heard your name being spoken in a low, almost intimate timbre.
Namjoon stood a few inches away from you, holding what looked like a present in both hands. Your coworker, Jin, raises an eyebrow at him.
“…Mm…this is for you.”
“Oh!” You were starting to think you had been left out of the drawing hat, “Thank you so much, Joon!”
Gently grabbing it from his arms, you hold it out and give it a little shake.
“Can I open it?” You ask, trying to follow ‘gift etiquette.’ He stares at you for a moment with an unreadable expression and makes you wonder if you had said something wrong.
“I would prefer if you wait until you got home.”
“Oh-uh, alright. Thank you.”
With that, he turns to leave.
“…Happy holidays, Joon!”
He shifts his head to give you one last look, a small smile on his plump lips.
“Thank you. Happy holidays.”
When he’s out of hearing range, you hear Seokjin sigh loudly.
“I mean…he’s hot but isn’t he kind of weird? It’s such a waste.”
“He’s not weird…”
“Girl, listen to this- you know the office slut?” He kindly refers to Lisa, one of the female secretaries, “She was all over him last summer until she finally got herself into his room. Turns out he lives in a fucking warehouse in the middle of nowhere! I don’t know exactly what she saw, but she’s been spooked out ever since and avoids him as much as possible. Like just last week, I was lurking around and thought I saw the both of them make eye contact while passing each other in the hallway and that poor girl! She looked as if she almost soiled herself.”
“Those are just rumors, Jin.” You roll your eyes at his exaggerated tone, “Maybe she got rejected? And as for Joon…I think he’s just a little shy.”
“Whatever. All I’m saying is don’t be too shocked if you find a woman’s head in that box.”
You snort at his ridiculousness, placing Namjoon’s gift on your work desk. The drinks you had before the party start catching up to you and you excuse yourself from Jin to head to the restroom. Once you’re in the stall, you sigh, placing your palm against the wall of the stall and leaning towards it. Perhaps you were slightly more tipsy than you had originally imagined.
Just then you heard what sounded like two pairs of kitten heels walk into the foyer.
“Fuck.” You mutter as you hear them talk about whatever the fuck. Social gatherings really weren’t your thing and you wanted to go home since privacy was nonapparent in this office. When you just about became mentally prepared to empty your bladder and scramble out of the building, you heard your name being called, pulling your attention away from the matter at hand.
“___ scrapped the Gingerbread house idea, isn’t it crazy. The supervisor lets her get away with so much even though they are worlds apart.”
Ah yes, gossip. How easy it was to spread misinformation. What they glossed over was the part where the supervisor hated your guts, however, you just happen to be two grown, working women who were able to reach compromises for mutual benefit. The gingerbread project was scrapped because you managed to convince your jolly boss lady that it was an impossible occurrence to accurately judge without her gingerbread expertise. And it was nothing but the truth.
“Well, whatever, I didn’t want to participate in that dumb event anyway. But you know what really irks me? It’s when she thinks she’s so special and unique.”
Special? When have you ever-
“She honestly thinks she’s so different.” The girl continues, “Plastered on the wall each time we throw an office party- whispering and giggling with men. Did you see her with Namjoon and Jin today?”
“Isn’t Jin gay?”
“That’s besides the point.” She sounded exasperated, “What I’m saying is that her lack of interest in everything makes her uninteresting! She may think she’s above us when she pulls all these stunts but she’s so boring, it’s almost painful to watch.”
“Pfft, you’re a bitch.” You hear laughter and the clack of compact powder before their footsteps retreat from the foyer.
For a minute you just stand there, thinking about nothing. Sure, you didn’t expect everyone to like you, but you were on friendly terms with everyone in your office. Even as a number 2, you’ve never raised your voice or demanded anything unreasonable. The saddest part was that you knew exactly who those two girls were and had conversed with them on multiple occasions.
You were definitely sober now as you felt a small prick of annoyance stab at your heart.
A girl who tries her hardest to not be like ‘other girls.’ A boring girl. Is this truly what people thought of you?
_
It’s not too late when you get home – but it feels like you’ve been away for ages.
You groan as you remove your heels, tossing them somewhere near the entrance area as you trudge further into your studio apartment. With weary arms, you throw the gift onto the bed and fling yourself besides it, listening to the mattress creak for a second before silence surrounds you once more. Although you decided to sleep as soon as you got through your door, you knew you would just overthink and confuse yourself by remembering what those girls said.
It shouldn’t matter…it was just casual conversation…not like they wanted to kill you or something, you rationalize. Also, if you were someone who cared so much for what others said, then you couldn’t have continued bearing such a laidback personality for this long, could you? Still, something about the confidence they had in their malicious words bothered you.
“Ugh,” You grumble, sitting up and placing the gift on your lap to distract yourself from all the negativity. Trying to clear your head, you tear open the bright colored wrapping as swiftly as you could. A smile crosses your face when you think about cold, silent Namjoon carefully handling vibrant Christmas paper over this box. Didn’t seem like him.
He always had a peculiar reputation around the office, but he was never anything but duly courteous towards you. Though you never thought much of anyone from your workplace, you did think well of him and his kindness. They denied it like crazy, but everyone had a crush on the smart and mysterious Namjoon, even Jin. You tear off the tape connecting the flaps together and carefully pull out whatever was inside. And that’s when you come face to face with a…stuffed teddy bear.
Really, just a regular brown bear with soft, fuzzy fabric – nothing fancy. Now you were even more confused. Did you ever give him the vibe of being a stuffed-animal lover? Actually, aren’t there some guys who give this kind of stuff to girls, like on Valentines? Joon probably didn’t know what to get you and went with something generic, you deduce.
You stare into its eyes. Plastic black orbs lifelessly leer back at you. When you began to feel oddly uneasy, Jin’s story suddenly flashed through your mind. There wasn’t a head in the box like he said, but it didn’t mean this bear couldn’t be an ominous gift.
What if…it had a small camera stuffed inside the layers of cotton like in those horror movies?
As soon as you conjure the question, you shake your head, cringing at your own thoughts. Just because some people found him disagreeable didn’t mean he was an actual creep who would do that. You, of all people, knew how quickly false notions spread throughout that office. If they were wrong about you, then they were definitely wrong when regarding the quiet Namjoon. He was a simple, introverted man your insufferable coworkers picked on and this was just an innocent teddy and nothing more. Exhaling through your nose, you were about to throw it back in the box and forget about it when a memory abruptly froze you.
“-she’s so boring, it’s almost painful to watch.”
Ok…as a rational individual, you know there’s no camera in this toy, you know that. But if there was a camera – it would mean Joon wants you in some fashion. Would you want to ~secretly~ watch a person you didn’t have a crush on? Exactly. If there was a camera, it would also mean… that when those bitches from the restroom see you, someone plain and inconsiderable in their eyes, be the object of ‘office hottie’ Kim Namjoon’s desire…
Wouldn’t they eat their own words?
The thought instantly sends endorphins throughout your brain. How satisfying. Little old, boring you being stalked by the sexiest, most capable man in the office.
“Hmph.” You smirk at the bear before looking around your room. There was a shelf on the wall facing your bed, stacked with some novels you read back in college. Pushing yourself off the mattress, you walk up to the shelf and lightly thrust away some of the books before placing the teddy bear on an empty spot.
This was silly, you think, gazing at the bear in amusement. Although you were certain there was no camera, the mere thought about spiting those women made you ignore all the red flags which were present in your head since you grew up as a woman in a male-dominated reality. Honestly, you were too caught up in your silly revenge dream to even care.
This was silly, but…strangely fun.
_
Since then you did everything which requires adequate privacy in front of the bear.
Sleeping, getting dressed for work, masturbating, changing underwear and even when you just had to get out of tight jeans and into sweats – you did it all in the once place you knew you had the potential of being ‘watched.’ For some reason, you couldn’t take these actions seriously. Everything was just a game to you and you were actually starting to have fun with the conception of someone observing you round the clock. You started to feel ridiculous sometimes, especially when you tried to act sexy each time you stood in front of your bed.
This was definitely something you had no idea you’d be so into. It was as if you were really beginning to believe there was a camera in the fucking bear. Well if there is – you hope Namjoon likes black underwear as much as you do.
“Nnh- ahh-” You moan as you slam down on your boyfriend’s stomach. He grunts in pleasure, tightening his hold on your flexing hips as you arched your spine out further. With your head thrown back, you slightly open an eyelid to peek over at the “spycam” teddy bear on the wall shelf.
A camera’s lens should be wide enough to catch this angle, right?
“___,” You look back at your boyfriend when he groans your name, suddenly remembering he was under you, “You’re so into it today.”
“Um, y-yeah…”
What else could you say? Tell him the truth about how you’re some pervert who’s currently getting off on the idea that there might be some creepy hot dude watching you bare-naked, fucking another man right this minute? ‘Yeah’ was the only logical choice of words you could invoke. Your boyfriend was a nice guy – someone you met on a dating app. You weren’t exactly looking for anything long-term, but you did want to get off without the hassles and dangers of a one-night stand. It’s been going on for two months now and although you don’t think ‘he’s the one’ or anything, he was calming to be around.
“Oh-oh cumming!”
You stare as his mouth becomes unhinged and his eyebrows knot in frustration. As you said, he’s a nice guy but you wish he wouldn’t look so strange each time he reached his high. If someone was watching you both, this kind of thing is embarrassing.
Wait, what? You stop moving on his dick as soon as the thought crosses your mind. Why are you even thinking about something like that? After a few seconds, the pressure on his chest releases and you mindlessly move off of him, joining him on the mattress. He glances at you in confusion as you stare at the ceiling.
“But you didn’t cum.”
“It’s fine, I’m not really in the mood.”
He sits up, head still turned towards you as he removes his condom, “Uhhhh…You sure?”
Instead of looking at him, you turn your head in the direction of the wall where the bear was placed. Dark orbs gazed back at you.
“Yeah.”
It was just a game to you, but it was starting to get strange.
_
You stretch your dormant muscles as you sit up in your chair.
It was your first day back from the three-day holiday break and you were already in a state of mental detriment. Existing in the same room as people who probably hated you was awkward. Not being able to accurately work through your sudden Christmas impulse of voyeurism also weighed you down. You passed out last night, but the first thing you would do once you got home is throw that stuffed bear away. The game had gone long enough, three days to be exact, and it wasn’t fun anymore. Not when you were involving others.
A part of you felt bad for Namjoon, but you’re sure he wouldn’t actually care.
His obsession with you was just your own delusion after all.
With a groan you get up, gathering the coffee mug from your desk. Maybe some caffeine would help you get it together. You slog into the breakroom, walking up to the freshly brewed coffee pot and pouring a large dose into your cup.
As you’re about to take your first sip, you hear the breakroom door creak open. You’re surprised to see Lisa, but she seems even more surprised – astonished even – when she meets your eyes. For a moment she just stands there by the door, not moving her hand off the handle as she leers at you as if you were a ghoul.
Any other time you would have been confused and creeped out, but right now you could only mentally sigh. Did she perhaps think badly of you as well? It would explain why she always avoided you.
“You should…stay away from Kim Namjoon.”
What?
“Uh…what?”
“I…you should stay away from him. He’s…to you he….”
You squint as the girl stares at the floor, struggling to form words. Why was she suddenly talking about Namjoon and you in the same sentence? In that moment, a look of assurance built up on her face and she looked back up at you, parting her mouth.
But then you see her eyes widen in horror and her shoulders stiffen as she takes a step back.
“Lisa?”
“I- uh- I have to go-” She says, sprinting out of the room before she even finishes her sentence. What the hell was that?
“Good morning, ___.”
Fuck, you recognized that low timbre. You spin around, almost spilling the hot brown liquid as you do, to meet with the one face you were dreading all day. Namjoon stood by you, holding onto his own mug and smiling at you quietly. After every stupid thing you’ve just done in the past couple of days, you really didn’t want to meet him. But you couldn’t abruptly run away either.
“H-hi…Joon…G-good morning.” You mutter, side stepping so he has better access to the coffee pot.
“Cold out, isn’t it.” He makes conversation and you hum along, taking a sip of caffeine as you dwell on how to run back to your desk without seeming too crazy. Namjoon continues to talk about the weather while your anxiety grows. Why were you suddenly so nervous? Were you maybe still delusional; convincing yourself about how he is madly in love with you?
He stops talking for a moment then, and looks over at you who is not present in reality at all. You don’t notice his dark gaze rake over your body nor his grin at your worry.
“You know,” He mutters, almost inaudible, “I do love black underwear as much as you.”
“Yeah.” You sigh in fake amusement, not really processing what he just said. Until you do.
It takes you a minute or two of staring at your coffee to finally register his words into your brain. You slowly look up at him, no traces of amusement or even the previous pointless uneasiness apparent on your current expression.
“What?”
“I said,” He turns his whole body towards you, “I do love black underwear on you.”
“I…” You take a step back, suddenly feeling very small next the man glaring at you, “I’m sorry?”
He raises his hand and fear instantly paralyzes you. When he touches the hair on your head with his fingers, you wanted nothing more than to shove him off and run away. Instead you were caught – irreversibly immobilized by the way he captured you in his gaze.
“Don’t look so surprised, didn’t you want me to see?”
A million and one curses just flash through your mind. This wasn’t real, this was not happening. He was not saying all this. You were probably lying dead next to your boyfriend and still dreaming. That had to be it, because there was no way. No way Namjoon was saying what he is currently in the middle of saying. It was a game; it was just a game.
“Honestly, I thought you would have thrown away such a silly thing as soon as you found it. Did you know it costed me a total of $30? I can’t believe such a cheap investment worked.”
Your breath hitches as you listen to him speak. Mom always called you a fucking idiot, but wow you were a fucking idiot. You were warned, you heard the rumors about him and you should have known. There was a difference between the gossip of drunk girls in the spur of the moment and the account of a very sober and concerned homosexual friend. Still, not wanting to face the present moment, you continue to deny it in your head.
“Nn- uh-” You move back, getting ready to make a run for it. Wishing Jin’s loud ass would somehow interrupt you both.
“I would stay still if I were you.” Namjoon smiles with a warning tone, making you halt, “You see I happen to have a lot of…information. Information which can end up in places it’s not supposed to. I’m sure both of us don’t want that.”
Tears prick the corner of your eyes. You knew exactly what he meant. He recorded you, he has footage of everything you did and he was threatening you. Every time you got undressed, slept, pleasured yourself and – fuck – you and your boyfriend. He’s seen everything. If those recordings end up online, you’d be finished. Forget about your boring girl reputation, if anyone saw those recordings, you wouldn’t even maintain a reputation to defend. And haven’t some women gotten fired over something similar?
“W-why?” You sob to him, not wanting to lose everything.
“Sshh, it’s okay.” He takes you in his arms, hugging you in a soft but firm manner. What else could you do but let him touch whatever he wanted. Although you couldn’t lie and say you were 100% certain the bear didn’t have a camera, you still passed it off as a joke. You messed up, bad. And around you stood the consequence.
“Aren’t holidays great?” He mumbles into your hair in a low, intimate timbre.
____
A/N: Merry Christmas everyone! Have a wonderful day -- 🍑
#yandere society#yandere bts#bts#yandere namjoon#namjoon#namjoon x reader#yandere namjoon x reader#bts x reader#bts christmas#bts fanfic
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Hi everybody, thanks for the asks letting me know I made the top of @yusuftiddies’ list of Homophobes in TOG Fandom, you can stop sending them now.
So.
I can make mistakes and fuck up and own that. I am serious about listening to marginalized people. But... in this case, while @yusufstiddies generally describes factual events that happened and factual posts that exist, I have to say that I can’t actually apologize for the things I’m called out for because I don’t think they’re homophobic. The things he criticizes me for are things that come from a lot of personal experience as a queer bisexual cis woman, as well as a lot of reflection, research, and study. I believe in them really strongly and stand by them.
I’m really sorry if this makes TOG fandom too hostile, because it is not my intention to make this place so unpleasant that anyone feels driven out. I understand if my stance means people no longer want to follow me/read my stuff/participate in projects I’m involved with (though I’d rather hand off the Research Hub to someone else than see it go down with me). I’m posting this so people can know where they stand before they decide whether to keep interacting with my blog, or “deplatform” me as @yusufstiddies recommends.
I would recommend, for anyone who doesn’t want to see my posts, using Tumblr’s new post content filtering feature. If you type a username (like star-anise or with-my-murder-flute) into it, Tumblr will hide all posts featuring that specific string of characters, and therefore any post or reblog of mine.
To address the accusations against me:
I am an anti-anti: Yes. I’ve reblogged posts of mine about this before. I care passionately about preventing child abuse, but I think there are better ways to prevent child abuse in fandom (like concrete harassment policies so predatory behaviour can be reported and stopped early, and education about digital consent and healthy relationships) than attacking people who write “bad ships,” not least because the first people it hurts are abuse survivors trying to work through their trauma, and because the research says you cannot actually tell who’s a sexual predator based on what they write about. Fiction affects reality, but not on a 1:1 basis. My mainblog, @star-anise, has a really extensive archive of my writing on the subject.
I said cishet men aren’t more privileged than gay men: Kinda. What I actually did was question whether Every Single Cishet Man benefits from more privilege than Every Single Gay Man. If a man is cishet but gets beaten up because people perceive him as gay, he’s not exactly feeling the warm toasty glow of heterosexual privilege in that moment. Oppression is complicated and there are times when someone’s lack of privilege on one axis is way less important than someone else’s lack of privilege on another axis.
The post above also includes me reblogging someone else’s addition about how straight men can be included in the queer movement: I’m queer. @yusufstiddies has made it very clear that he isn’t comfortable with the word “queer” and doesn’t like it. Therefore I think it’s understandable that he might not understand that the queer community sees ourselves as a coalition of people dedicated to dismantling the structures of sex and gender that oppress us, not a demographic of people whose gender identities or sexual orientations can be neatly mapped. However, I would say that doesn’t make queer theory inherently homophobic.
There are also some related points @yusufstiddies didn’t level at me specifically, but I would like to address:
The constant focus on the unsafeness of cishet people:
I’m not cishet. I’m a bisexual woman who’s dated women. Sixth-light is a queer woman married to a woman. This is not an issue of non-LGBTQ+ people blundering their way into something they don’t experience the daily consequences of. This is an issue of people from WITHIN the LGBTQ+ community who sincerely disagree with @yusufstiddies about the pressures we experience and how best to deal with them. I think that even if @yusufstiddies were to filter his fiction input to only LGBT-written work about LGBT experiences, or even only trans-written work about trans people, he would still find a lot of things he finds upsetting or transphobic, because sexual and gender identities are really diverse and not everything will suit one person.
The contention that saying “’Queer is a slur’ is TERF propaganda” is transmisogyny because it dilutes the definition of “TERF”:
People who point out the phrase is TERF propaganda are not calling every person who says it a TERF, and we are not trying to argue that telling a queer person that queer is a slur is inherently equal to the kind of damage a TERF does when she attacks a trans woman out of transphobia. Queer people being able to use the word “queer” does not have the same importance as trans women being able to live, work, and survive in public. Rather, we are literally saying, “This is a thing TERFs say when they take a break from attacking trans women and try to recruit new members to their group, so it’s in our best interests to not give it too wide a currency.”
Some people have experienced the word “queer” used as a hateful word hurled against them and don’t want to hear it ever again. I get that. It happens. Where I grew up, “gay” was a synonym for “shitty” and it took me a lot of years out of high school before the word “gay” wouldn’t shoot my blood pressure through the roof. I actually do understand that and think that’s valid (and again, support using post content filtering for that word).
One of the things I do at @star-anise is argue with young people who are headed into full-on transmisogynistic TERF territory, and work at reeling them back and deradicalizing them. I use a tag called “weedwhacking” so my followers can filter out the sometimes lengthy back-and-forths we get going.
Something I’ve learned, interacting with so many TERFs and proto-TERFs, is that one way they frequently get recruited into harassing trans people was through discourse around the word “queer”. For one, it encouraged them to want to distance themselves from any perception of LGBT people as “weird” or “not normal”, which led to seeing trans people as “weird” and “not normal” and therefore not good members of the “gay pride” community. For two, repeating “queer is a slur” predictably causes a lot of queer people to react in a defensive manner, so by teaching young or new people to say it, TERFs can set them up to feel alienated from the larger LGBTQ+ community and more open to TERF propaganda.
The next issue isn’t mentioned in the original callout post, but I think it’s key to this entire issue:
@yusufstiddies has made several posts about what cishet people should and shouldn’t write. For example, cishets shouldn’t write Nicky experiencing internalized homophobia. Another is a detailed post of things cishets shouldn’t write about trans people, including which sexual positions only trans people are allowed to write. I would imagine that part of his frustration with fandom has been the lack of traction those posts have gotten. I know I very deliberately didn’t reblog them.
That isn’t because I don’t agree that the things he complains about are rarely handled well by cishet authors. I agree that there’s a lot of bad fic out there that contributes to negative stereotypes against LGBTQ+ people and is basically a microaggression to read.
I have two very deeply-seated reasons for my position:
LGBTQ+ identities are different from many other political identities because most people are not born identifiably LGBTQ+. It’s something we have to figure out about ourselves. And one really important way that we do that is using the safety of fiction to explore what an experience would be like, sometimes years before we ever admit that we fit the identity we’ve written about. So banning cishet authors from writing something is really likely to harm closeted and questioning LGBTQ+ people. It will lengthen the amount of time questioning people take before finding the identity that really fits them, and force closeted people to be even more closeted.
There’s a lot of undeniably shitty stuff in fandom. However, I fundamentally believe that trying to target the people creating it and forcing them to stop doesn’t work very well, and has the serious byproduct of killing the creativity and enthusiasm of the rest of fandom and resulting in less of the actual thing you like being produced. I think that it is infinitely more productive to focus on improving the ratio of good stuff in fandom than trying to snuff out every bad thing.
Like I said: I understand if this means former followers, mutuals, or friends no longer want to interact with me. I’ll be saddened, but I’ve obviously chosen this path and can deal with the consequences.
I wish this could have worked out differently.
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Tooru Oikawa x F!Reader ( part 3 )
❝ my love for him is much like winter, a skeleton for the world to see. too bad he never liked the cold. ❞
description: being the neighbor and lifelong best friend of tooru oikawa definitely had it’s perks. you were never an outcast, always had a seat at lunch, got into volleyball games for free. the problem was, however, that being in love with him outweighed those perks. you would never tell him that, though, even if it hurt like hell.
genre: best friends to lovers, angst, unrequited love, fluff if you squint hard enough
word count: 2,210
warnings/notes: um yeah. this one moves fast, but this whole fic is basically about this one scene, this one part. so enjoy. no serious warnings, just strong language and some gay shit. angst.
tag list: @afuckingunicornn
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“You’re... gay?” you whispered.
“It isn’t a fucking slur, you drunk ass.” Iwaizumi spoke, shoving you with his arm (making you hit your head on the door, but you barely noticed). “And I don’t know what exactly I am, but I just know it’s not straight.”
“Matsu?” you turned to the other boy.
“I’ve been gay, and Iwa is sexy as fuck so who am I to deny his sexual awakening?”
It almost made you laugh.
It was hot in the closet. Dark. And you were squished in between two (very tall) men. A single light hung from the ceiling, swaying slightly.
“I uh,” You were so numb. You played with your sleeves. “I watched ‘Kawa make out with this girl. Stood there like an idiot and watched it happen. And it… it sucks to like know about it but to see it…to watch it happen…it’s way worse.”
“Oh,” They both said, sadness laced behind a whisper.
“You were going to tell him, weren’t you?” Matsukawa inquired.
You gasped, turning wide-eyed to Iwaizumi. He held his hands up in surrender. “You told him?” and “I didn’t tell him I swear!” coming out of both of you at once.
“I knew for, like, years now.” Matsukawa interrupted. “You’re the most obvious person ever, just so you know. You might as well be the fucking heart eye emoji whenever you look at him.” He paused to gauge your reaction, which was nothing. “Back to my question: you were going to tell him, weren’t you?”
“I..” you bit the inside of your cheek. “Yeah, I think so? I don’t know. I just know I really wanted to talk to him and see him and hear his voice. And I still do. But now my mind is full of him and the really pretty brown-haired girl exchanging spit.”
“Gross.”
“Maybe we should get out of the closet and get some air.”
The next morning, you woke up on the floor in the guest bedroom. Iwaizumi had taped a piece of paper to your forehead (“drink water” it said), and a blanket was wrapped around your upper body. You could not remember what happened after leaving the closet, how you ended up in the guest room, or why you were on the floor and not in the perfectly good bed above you.
But, nonetheless, you got up and headed downstairs to the kitchen. Where the fuck is Oikawa?
A loud thump interrupted your thoughts. Yup, there he was. You let out an annoyed groan as he decided to make the most noise possible on his way to the kitchen.
You pulled yourself onto the counter, wanting to slam your head against the cabinet. You never got hangovers, why was today the day you got one?
“Well don’t you look beautiful this fine morning.” Oikawa greeted, smiling.
He always looked his best in the morning, you thought. He may come across as perfect, but it makes your heart do flips when he comes in with bed head and his glasses on. Not to mention he looked absolutely gorgeous in the morning sunlight, beaming and bright.
“You don’t look too bad yourself.” Your eyes were still closed.
You heard movement, a cabinet open then close, and only opened your eyes when he stood in front of you (in between your legs, no less). You held your breath.
“I look amazing, and you know it.” He was so close you could feel his breath. He brushed his teeth, the smell of mint circling you. Why was he so close?
He reached forward, pressing his hand to your forehead. Still half awake and clearly extremely hungover, you leaned into his touch as he moved his hands to your cheeks. His eyes scanned your face, but your eyes never moved from his.
His hands paused and stayed on your neck, just below your jaw. Hovering.
Unconsciously, you leaned forward. Only a little bit.
And he did too.
Your lips were so close. If you wanted to, you could kiss him. Just like that. A few centimeters away, and you could do what you’ve wanted to do for years. Feel what it would be like to be one of the many girls who had their lips against his. The air was so tense, so full of something you couldn’t explain. Just a few centimeters. Was he leaning in too?
He moved back.
“Medicine for your head, and you have a little bit of a fever so there’s something for that too.” Oikawa spoke. His voice sounded deeper, but maybe you were just thinking things. A small cough from him. He put pills into your hand. “You get something to drink. I’ll start picking up trash, you’re on…”
“Cups and cans duty.” You finished. It was always the routine. “Thank you.”
“Don’t slack off too much, you fucking drunk.” He joked, smiling at you with a trash bag in his hand.
You rolled your eyes at him, throwing the nearest empty can at him. You smiled, but your heart was aching.
The first time Oikawa had ever thrown a party, it was a disaster.
People flooded the house, though it was only supposed to be a small get-together and ended up a huge banger. The school talked about it for a while. An increase in his popularity.
The two of you were left to pick up the mess.
“Where the fuck do we start?” you asked, staring into the abyss that was once his living room.
“I’ll pick up the garbage and you pick up the cans and bottles?” Oikawa suggested. “If my mom finds any alcoholic beverage in this house she will pelt me with my own volleyballs.”
“I’ll help too.” Oikawa’s older brother said from the doorway, trashbag in hand. “Let’s get to work. We only have until six.”
Matsukawa soon joined your routine.
For the past month or so, Iwaizumi would eat lunch with you in the library as you studied for the entrance exams. Oikawa would join sometimes, or he would come right before lunch was over. He liked to eat lunch in the cafeteria, liked to “have that break from studies”. You two didn’t mind, you got more done without him distracting anyway.
Matsukawa had become your third-party during Lunch Study Dates. You didn’t complain, and you didn’t ask the two of them what exactly their relationship was. You joked with Iwaizumi that you were simply there to hide the fact they never stopped flirting. He would just laugh.
“Wait, you almost kissed?” Iwaizumi asked, studies long forgotten.
“I think so, yeah.” You kept your eyes on your paper. “It was weird, and the air was super heavy. And he hasn’t talked to me since. Not even while we were cleaning.”
“Not even a text?” Matsukawa asked.
“Not even a wave in the hallway.”
“Now that’s weird.”
“You’re telling me.” You finally looked up. “I.. Nothing has ever happened between us like that. Ever. And it was so out of nowhere, like, you would think our first almost kiss would be some cool moment or something. But it was just us, and I was hungover as fuck, and we just spent the rest of the afternoon in silence. And all that there has been since is just that. Silence.”
“I’m sorry, love.” Matsukawa reached over to place his hand over your wrist. “You know what. Tooru is an idiot. He is. I would have kissed you.”
“You’re gay.”
“And I would’ve kissed you. That’s the highest compliment you can receive. Accept it, woman.”
Growing up with Tooru Oikawa, you knew many things about the boy that many didn’t. You knew that he always put extra syrup on his pancakes and waffles, you knew that he always preferred hot showers rather than the cold ones his mother always tells him to take for soreness, and you knew that he practiced more than anyone could imagine.
He grew up with a volleyball attached to his side. He set it whenever he could, he would serve it into your yard (and then go get it and serve it back into his). He would ask you to join, but you always just watched.
Growing up with Tooru Oikawa also made you witness his growth. And you think that’s another reason you fell in love with him.
His passion was indescribable. You couldn’t count how many times people (including yourself) have told him to relax, take a day off, remind him to eat and drink. But his heart was in it, no matter how much it distracted him from daily fleets. You admired him for that.
You didn’t have that Thing growing up. You tried a lot of different things, different hobbies and sports and classes. But you never had that thing that you had so much passion for that you had to remind yourself to breathe.
One week of silence. One week of nothing from your best friend. Not a text, a call, a smile sent your way. Not even an eye contact.
It was strange. Your entire life had revolved around being around him, your routine included smiling and walking with him in the hallway, fixing his tie in the morning.
He was already in class when you came to school. And his tie was straight.
You decided to spend most of your free time in the library, knowing that Oikawa didn’t find himself in there very often. If he was going to avoid you without an explanation, you could avoid him just as hard and for just as long. That was your logic.
Iwaizumi joined you, plopping himself down on the couch beside you. It sat in the back of the library, in the corner away from everything. You were being Sad TM.
It was so stupid, of course. To be upset or sad about something that didn’t even happen; at something that almost happened but never did. Iwaizumi reminded you that it wasn’t about the near kiss, but the silence after.
A body appeared out of thin air in front of you. You wouldn’t mistake the boy for anyone in the world.
“’Kawa.” You said, looking up. He looked way taller from your position on the couch. “Hi.”
“Hi.” He said. No “nut” this time. He fidgeted with his fingers. “Can I get my jersey back? The one you wear to the games?”
Your eyes shot up.
“’M sorry?”
“Can I get my jersey back?” he asked again.
You felt Iwaizumi put his hand on your thigh. You must’ve been shaking. One week of complete silence and complete rejection and absence only to be met with the break of a tradition.
“Um, yeah.” You blinked. “Yeah. I have it at home, I can stop by later and give it to you.”
“Just bring it tomorrow. Before the game.” He spoke. But his voice didn’t sound like his. It was forced. Since when was talking to you a task?
“O.. Okay.”
A pinky promise was something taken very seriously. As kids, it was treated with the upmost respect and honor.
It was middle school, and the team announced that for a special tournament, and for school spirit, that the players would pick their best friend to wear their jersey to the games.
Oikawa immediately came to you with his “away” jersey, proudly holding it up. “Pinky promise me that you will always wear my jersey to my games!”
“Pinky promise!” you had told him.
You wore the jersey as you wrapped your pinky around his. Wearing his jersey became one of your favorite parts of going to his games.
Guess in high school, pinky promises don’t mean the same thing.
The thing about Tooru Oikawa is he never dates. This was something you knew for certain. He has never once had an official girlfriend, and he always talked about how he never planned on having one (“They’re both a distraction and a big responsibility,” he would say. “Besides, what would I need a girlfriend for when I already have a girl who does everything for me?” he would add).
Which is why you were surprised to see him hand in hand with a very familiar girl later that day. The long perfect brown hair, the long legs. After seven days of not speaking to you, he had a girl wrapped around his arm as though it was the most casual thing of him to be doing.
You stopped in front of them, trying your very best to hide your confusion.
“Oh!” he smiled, saying your name. Acting as though he hadn’t just asked you to turn in something that had meant something important to your friendship (at least it did to you). “You haven’t met Sana. My girlfriend.”
The aforementioned girl, Sana, smiled at you. Perfect teeth, of course. She gave a slight bow before reaching out her hand. Girlfriend.
“Hi! It’s so nice to meet you, I’ve been waiting to meet Tooru’s best friend!”
You forced a smile as you shook her hand. “Nice to meet you too, Sana.”
You looked over her shoulder, to Oikawa (who looked nervous, fidgety in fact), and to Iwaizumi and Matsukawa (who stood a bit further away, but just as shook and confused as you).
#anime#manga#haikyuu#haikyuu!!#anime x reader#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu imagines#haikyuu scenarios#tooru oikawa#oikawa#haikyuu oikawa#tooru oikawa x reader#tooru oikawa x you#oikawa x you#oikawa x reader#tooru x reader#tooru x you#kuroo x reader#kuroo x you#kuroo tetsuro x reader#kuroo tetsuro#iwaizumi x oikawa#iwaizumi x you#iwaizumi x reader#haikyuu x you#haikyuu iwaoi#hajime iwaizumi#oikawa tooru#tooruluv🍄post
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*THE* mean-girl-dean-girl's Supernatural reboot MEGAPOST!
I'm gonna stick a little "keeping reading" here because hoooooo boy, this is a very long post.
Let's start with
Plot
Season 1
Dean kills John while they are out on a hunt in a crime of passion, but Dean doesn't remember because he blacked out. Cue Dean going to Stanford to get Sam and tell him "Dad's on a hunting trip... and he hasn't been home in a couple days."
The audience doesn't know what happened to John, but slowly figures it out with Dean and Sam as Dean slowly remembers what happened that night.
The entire first season, the boys are following the trail John left and fighting monsters as well. They find out Dean was with John, Sam realizes Dean has an unreliable memory, they have heart to hearts about their childhood and the fire, they find John's body, "how could you kill Dad?" but maybe Dean didn't kill dad, whooaaaaaa, misdirection.
It was actually good ole yeller eyes (Azazel) and he made it look like Dean killed John.
Okay, now let's move on to the first episode
Not sure how the opening would work, I would like the story of the fire to be revealed over the course of the first season, but maybe the opening scene could be a little bit of an establishing character relationships and backstory, idk, I haven't thought that far yet.
I'm thinking maybe it's like, Dean gets back to a motel room covered in blood and he listens to a voicemail on his phone from John saying he was on a hunt or something, I don't really know lol.
HOWEVER
I do know that after the intro rolls, we get a scene of Sam waking up to his alarm and "Nine to Five" by Dolly Parton starts playing.
Y'all know where this is going.
Cue a montage of Sam's normal Stanford college life (him sitting through lectures, walking through the campus with friends) spliced with scenes of Dean absolutely slaughtering a nest of vampires (or some other monsters, whatever works best.)
But
Now onto
Characters!!! (And descriptions)
Dean Winchester
Some lovely person on this site made edits of Dean with platinum blond hair and it made me feel some kind of way so we're doing that, homie's gonna have platinum blond hair
Side note about the hair, later when the brothers are running from the FBI he dyes it a dirty blond/light brown (insert jackles hair color controversy here) as a disguise.
He also gets tattoos because we were robbed.
Speaking of tattoos, concept: when Dean comes back from Hell, all of his tattoos are gone. His body is a clean slate, devoid of tattoos, scars, etc. So he gets his tattoos done all over again, which he doesn't mind because he made some bad, drunk tattoo decisions in his youth.
(And before you ask, yes, he does get one for Cas, either a bee or Cas's name in enochian, something cute.)
Dean goes to therapy after Sam gets sent to the Cage.
It's actually court mandated because he got in trouble, lol, he would never go to therapy on his own.
Along with the hair, Dean gets to be the grade A twunk we all know he is.
Sam Winchester
His hair gets longer in every scene he's in
No jk, but imagine
King of Microaggressions
Sam starts off like the sweetheart he is in season 1 but in later seasons he starts enjoying killing a little too much...
It's that demon blood, ba-by!!!
He brings up issues of morality to Dean, i.e. killing monsters who aren't hurting anyone. (Yes I know this is contradictory to my previous statement, but these two facets of Sam can and will coexist.)
Sam and Jess's relationship is explored further, meaning we'll need to start with a different inciting incident, but that's fine, I think everyone can agree fridgings are *(thumbs down)*
Sam doesn't truly know what happened the night of the fire until later, and then he understands why Dean is so protective of him.
Jess
She gets to live beyond the first episode
She is also trans
No, I don't feel like I have to explain myself and I won't 💜
She urges Sam to join Dean in a search for their brother, kind of gets pulled into the hunter lifestyle by association lol.
She dies on a rusty nail after fighting vampires on a routine hunt with Sam
No jk!!!
But imagine....
She's amazing and I love her and Lucifer also uses her as leverage against Sam and possesses her because I think that'd be cool.
She supports Sam 100% and also she and Dean are buddies, pals if you will.
She meets Cas Thee El and immediately she Knows, that is a homosexual.
She dies still so that we can have a Saileen Endgame but she's not dying the first episode or in a fridging. Not on my watch.
Castiel
He gets to keep his raw, light-fixture-exploding power.
I want more of that "I pulled you out of hell, I can throw you back in" energy except over dumb shit like Dean not cleaning up after himself.
He looks like a Dilf in every scene he's in, yeah, that's right, dilf with a capital D for *(GUNSHOTS)* *(gets sent to horny jail)*
Claire
She gets pink hair
And more time with Cas
And maybe a nose piercing
Feel like she should be able to kill a couple angels onscreen, punch a couple homophobes
She gets to meet Jack and teaches him swears and fun slang words.
She deserves it.
Jack
I says "that's my baby and I'm proud."
Jack starts off as a baby, but like Amara he grows up super quickly.
Like, baby to 11 year old in a couple days or less.
This is because Jack's emotional age on the show is on par with that of a 5th grader.
It's at this point when he's a young kid that he runs away from the Bunker and shenanigans ensue.
It's also at this point that Dean threatens to k*ll him.
(Still not sure if I want that in my Supernatural (threatened infanticide? In my Supernatural? It's more likely than you think) but we'll see. We'll see.)
Throughout a majority of season 13, Jack is like an 11 y.o. kid
Season 14 he's like a 16 y.o. teenager
Season 15 he's 21, you get the picture.
Listen, I love Alex Calvert a lot. He's great.
But Jack is a child and should be a child.
Kelly Kline
Kelly, baby, stay right where you are, you're perfect.
Eileen
SHE DOESN'T DIE
SHE GETS TO BE IN THE FINALE BECAUSE SHE'S AMAZING AND I LOVE HER.
BLURRY WIFE WHO? I ONLY KNOW SAILEEN ENDGAME!
She teaches Claire and Jack swears in sign-language. Castiel is not impressed.
John
J*hn W*nchester stans, DNI.
He's dead.
We only see him in flashbacks and only sometimes hear his voice in voice overs.
He's not "down the road" from Dean in Heaven, in fact he instead gets to wander around in some Purgatory like Hell for the rest of his time :)
People who get to say "fuck" on the show:
Cas (but only Once)
Jody
Bobby
Now onto other things
I want more of
Ghostfacers
(they need more screentime because I love them)
Dean/Benny
We know they had a thing.
They definitely had a thing.
Demon Dean
Again, I feel like more should've been done with this. All that build up for what, 2 episodes? was not utilized well at all.
Dean's Bisexuality
Straight Dean truthers DNI, my Supernatural is a show about love and being true to yourself
You think Supernatural is a show about 2 straight brothers fighting monsters?
Naw bitch, this is a show about the Gay Experience
He will get to have relations with men on this show.
Of course, only after John dies does he, y'know, display it. Maybe he kisses Cas on his dad's grave just to fuck John over, make him roll in grave.
We all agree John would be/is a homophobe piece of shit, right?
Okay, glad we're on the same page.
Dads
3 men and a baby with Jack is what I'm saying.
I love it when the Trio are father-figures to younger troubled characters they see themselves in, even better if it's like reluctant-but-loving father figure, oh, that trope gets me every time :'^)
Dadstiel and DadDean are my favorites, but I like it when Sam plays "Uncle Sam" to kids too lol.
"Fellas, is it gay to want a tight knit family with your husband, his son, his vessel's daughter, your brother, his wife, your cop mother figure and her wife and their adopted daughters? Asking for a friend."
Garth
Biggest flaw of Supernatural was underutilizing Garth.
I will never not be bitter that Garth was only in like, 7 episodes out of the whole 15 season series.
Every episode with Garth gets immediately 5 times better.
I love Garth.
Follow ups on characters who had entire episodes featured around them and then just... vanished???
This is mostly about Jesse, the magic kid whose imagination ruled an entire town like, his daddy was a demon and nothing came of that kid??? Only one episode about him?? No follow up???
KID CAN MANIPULATE REALITY AND WE'RE NOT GONNA GET A FOLLOW UP ON THAT?????
Uh, there was that one episode with Ennis the guy whose girlfriend was killed by a monster? I think?? Who we never see again, that was weird.
Tamara from season 3, episode 1.
And of course-
Cassie
She was so cool, and then we never saw her again :////
She gets to be a badass.
Religious imagery
As a former Catholic school student who has become for the most part, disillusioned with religion, religious imagery in TV shows like Supernatural make my brain go "brrrrrr."
Fun episodes!!!
Like, after season 6 or so, there's a drop in funny episodes
I'm talking Changing Channels, The French Mistake type stuff. (Scoobynatural is an outlier and should not be counted.)
So anyway
In my version we would have more fun episodes
I'm thinking
GENDER-SWAP EPISODE, BABY!!
(why they didn't do that in the original, we'll never know.)
An episode where Dean gets to wear eyeliner
That's it, end of post.
I want less
Racism
Yeah I feel like this is self explanatory, nearly every reoccurring character in SPN is white, and black side characters normally die in the episode they first appear in, or they'll be featured as a villain (Uriel, Raphael, Billie, etc)
Also there's a lot of... uh... asian fetishism featured in the show (what with "Busty Asian Beauties) that's really gross, also Kevin was a bit of a stereotype...
Also also it's super yucky how they kill the gods from other religions like???? Uh??? That's super disrespectful, let's not do that????
I know Supernatural is like, inherently racist because monsters are a separate race that are seen as some dangerous "other" that must be eradicated by hunters in a form of genocide-
Okay we won't get into that but
Still
Stop killing all your POC
Fridgings/Unecessary murders of female characters
I know Supernatural starts with a fridging, so this will be a hard thing to remedy, but
One death that really pissed me off was the death of Charlie
Yeah, that was pointless and we're not doing that. Charlie gets to live and be an awesome aunt to Jack.
And also Claire
Charlie Bradbury Superiority
Charlie and Garth get to meet because they're nerd/geek solidarity.
British Men of Letters
I fucking hate these guys
They're "litcherally" the worst.
The worst part is that the actors they have playing the British AREN'T. EVEN. BRITISH.
And you can tell
Uh, and that's all for now, I'll add more later.
tag list for people who liked my "if this post gets one like I'll post my SPN reboot masterpost" post.
@darianyunidi @sarasidlesaid @crazybananaalpaca @playfulpanthress @ultfreakme @fififeelsmellow @heller-char @luna8eaton @princessmeganfire @insanebot109 @queenofnightsnow @mongoose-underthehouse
Thank you for the support, hope the wait was worth it.
#supernatural#spn#dean winchester#sam winchester#castiel#eileen leahy#jack kline#claire novak#john winchester#charlie bradbury#garth fitzgerald iv#jody mills#bobby singer#kelly kline#jess from spn#cassie from spn#destiel#deancas#saileen#saileen endgame#destiel endgame#long post#mean girl dean girl's supernatural#supernatural masterpost#mgdg's spn MEGAPOST
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Ghostly Roommate
After moving into a small home you begin to notice some weird things that have been happening.
Warnings: Swearing, that’s about it. There’s an alcoholic beverage at the end.
Word Count: 4k
A/N: This was something I wrote for Halloween but only had half of it done when Halloween got here lol. Let me know if you want a part 2. I think the beginning is a little rough? But after that it gets better I hope.
Living alone at the age of 28 wasn’t something you imagined yourself doing when you graduated from school. You and your roommate from college always talked about moving in together after school, but things change. In this case she got a boyfriend and wanted to move in with him instead. So here you were moving into a small rented home with your cat instead of her. The house wasn’t super small but it wasn’t big either. You didn’t need much, just a place to eat and sleep and lounge about on your days off. You got the house for cheaper than what you would’ve expected. It's not falling apart or in a super terrible place either, but you weren’t going to ask questions. As the months went on you learned that maybe sometimes you should ask questions.
The first month came and went with no issues that concerned you. Sure you had to call your landlord twice because your heating system was broken. It’d be one temperature in one room and in the next it’d be colder. It wasn’t a huge difference but it was enough for it to bug you. You also noticed a few things out of place when you’d get back from work, but you brushed that off as your cat messing with things while she was alone in the house.
The second month was a little weirder to you, but you brushed it off as the stress of living in a new area and starting a new job. There were times where you’d leave your room at three am and see something move out of the corner of your eye. You had originally brushed it off as your cat moving about at night, but one night you realized that she had been in your room the whole time. You decided to push it to the back of your mind and mark it off as you being paranoid.
You had a day off and you decided to have your old roommate, Nemuri, over for a small hangout so you could catch up. It was an hour before she was supposed to come over and you were cleaning up your home when you came across a cat toy you were 80% sure you put away. You glanced over at your assumed culprit and back at the toy before speaking, “Seriously Saturn what am I going to do with you. Every time I put away a toy it seems like you drag it out again.” You sighed and placed the toy over with the rest before finishing the little cleaning you had to do.
You were finishing up cooking when you had heard the knock on the door as it opened. “Knock knock I’m coming in darling.” You had heard Nemuri let herself in and chuckled softly to yourself before taking everything off the stove. “Oh there you are. For a second I thought I walked into an empty home.” Nemuri stated as she gracefully strided into the kitchen.
“How was the commute over here? It wasn’t too long was it? I said we could meet somewhere, you didn’t have to come all the way here.” You moved around the kitchen getting out bowls and cups for you two, “What do you want to drink? I have tea or I have some coffee from this morning, it’s still warm.” You heard her say that tea was fine before wandering around the front area of your home.
“This is a cute little home you have here Y/n. However, it is a little chilly. You should get your heating checked out, I’m nipping out over here.” You rolled your eyes at the fact that she still has no filter when it comes to more crude topics. You thought for sure she’d mellow out, but it’s not Nemuri if she wasn’t the definition of “TMI”.
As you set everything on the table you called out your response, “I have, twice. They have no idea what’s wrong with it. It’s not like it’s terrible, I just put on a sweater and call it good. Anyway, the food is ready so come eat. I made dumplings because I remember you saying you were going to miss them when we graduated.”
As you both ate you had some light conversation about where you were working and how the move for both of you went. Finishing up the meal and setting the dishes in the sink to wash later you turned to Nemuri, “So how’s your little boytoy?” You asked as you walked over to the couch where she had decided to make herself comfortable and find something to watch for background noise.
She laughed as she gave you her response, “He’s fine I’m sure, but we broke up a little while ago.” Before you could ask what happened she had let out a deep sigh, “Men these days are so vanilla. You wanna spice things up a little bit and all you get back in response is “That’s not going to fit” or “what the hell are you doing with that” I swear it’s so hard to find a man who wants to experiment, yanno?”
Upon hearing her reasoning you started choking on the drink you started taking before she talked. After calming down from your sudden near death experience you looked at her with both your eyebrows raised, “Uhm, no I can’t say that I do know. Honestly Nemuri sometimes I wonder if you were just born without a filter or if you got to a certain age and it broke.”
She replied with the fact that she’s never had one as she laughed at your reaction, “We should get you a man...or woman...You know I just realized I never asked about that. So like, Girl in Red? Sweater Weather? Or?” You just gave her a look that said you were confused before she sighed, “I’m asking if you’re gay.”
You made a face of realization before you felt your face get a tinge warmer. “I’ve never really been in more than one relationship but I do know that I like both. Actually I don’t think it matters, yanno? If I like someone, I like someone. I don’t care what they are.” She squealed excitedly before jumping straight into a plan of going out on a weekend and finding someone for you before you cut her off, “Nemuri! I’m not really looking for a relationship right now. Between work, and still trying to figure things out I don’t really want to throw a relationship into the mix.” She nodded in understanding before moving the topic to something else. Even though she had to filter you were glad she respected your boundaries and didn’t push anything.
You spent the next hour or so catching up before she said she had to leave for some appointment. You walked her to the door and watched as she put on what looked like six inches of death in shoe form and left. You walked into the kitchen to clean everything up and noticed that the dumplings you had left on the hot plate were gone and the hot plate turned off. You laughed and told yourself you’re just being silly and you probably put them in the fridge for later. You quickly did the dishes and put everything away before going to grab a drink from the fridge. As you glanced in there you had noticed that the dumplings weren’t in the fridge like you thought and they had just disappeared. You quickly glanced around the kitchen to make sure you weren’t crazy. You realized they weren’t there and quickly made your way around the house. You decided before you checked all the rooms in your house that if there was indeed someone in your house you were fucked. You went to the living room and found a weapon, not that you had any that were useful. You grabbed an exacto knife from your various supplies and decided it was better than nothing.
Heading over to your bedroom first you slowly pushed open the door before walking in and noticing that no one was there. You checked all of the rooms, leaving only one room you hadn’t quite decided what you were doing with last. As you were checking the rooms you told yourself that this was ridiculous and that no one was in the rooms and I was probably Saturn that ate them. That still doesn’t explain how the hot plate was off, also you haven’t seen Saturn in a while. You lowered your weapon before pushing open the last door. You dropped the exacto knife as you saw what looked to be a homeless man playing with your cat. He looked at you and the exacto knife you dropped and then your cat and back to you. Without saying anything he disappeared.
After seeing that you screamed and ran out of the room before running back in and snatching Saturn off the ground and running to your room to pack your shit and get the hell out of town. “Oh hell to the motherfucking no! I am not going to be in a horror movie, not today Satan. I prefer to watch them, not live them! Saturn, aren’t you supposed to see this shit! Why didn’t you say anything?! Fucking traitors, just gonna let me get killed by the ghost. You’d like that wouldn’t you you sick fuck.” During your ramble and rant you hadn’t noticed the figure standing in the doorway with his arms crossed watching you.
In the middle of you scolding your cat you heard a “Are you done yet?” You dropped the pair of sweatpants you were about to pack and let out a high pitched scream. Turning around you looked at the ghostly man and whispered a pathetic “please don’t kill me”. He shook his head in response, “If I were going to kill you, I would’ve done it already. Why would I wait months to kill you?” You paused and narrowed your eyes at the man. You had no clue why he would wait months to kill you, that still doesn’t make this situation any better. You were still scared and now a little creeped out that this dead (somewhat handsome) man had been living in the house and watching you.
“Okay well if you aren’t going to kill me, what do you want?” He gave a shrug in response before uncrossing his arms and walking into the room to sit on your bed with your cat. You instinctively took a few steps back when he started walking into the room. “So have you been moving all my stuff around and getting things out.” He nodded in response. You both stayed quiet for a few moments before you slowly started to unpack the suitcase you had thrown on your bed.
After unpacking everything you looked at the man for a few moments. You feel a little bad about the homeless comment, but upon looking at him you can’t really blame yourself. He looks a little gruff. Long hair and some stubble, he also had terrible bags. You coughed a bit before speaking, not quite sure how to start this conversation, “Do you want some tea? Wait, can you even drink things? No that’s a dumb question you clearly can, I’m assuming you ate the dumplings from earlier. I still think we should talk about things whether you want to drink tea or not. I’m having tea, specifically a calming tea because I feel like I just ran a goddamn mile and I’m having a heart attack.” As you talked you walked to the kitchen and put on a kettle.
“I’ll have a cup of tea. Yes I can eat and drink, I don’t need to, but sometimes I liked to just to remember what things tasted like.” You gave a sad smile at that thought and made you both cups of tea before sitting down at the couch. You noticed the exacto knife on the counter and felt your cheeks get warm, what were you gonna do with that? “What questions do you have?”
You thought about it for a moment, “Uh is there anything you don’t want to tell me?” he shrugged in response so you figured that meant he didn’t care. “Well to start off with, what’s your name?”
“Aizawa Shota.” You nodded, glad you had a name for him and weren’t just calling him ghost. You would’ve felt awkward if he didn’t remember or something and you had to call him ghost. “How did you die? When? You don’t have to answer if it’s like a sensitive topic or something.” You quickly tacked on the last part just in case he got upset and disappeared again, you felt more comfortable being able to see him and knowing where he was.
“I don’t remember how, as far as how long, it’s probably been a few years. They all start to meld together after a while.” Well that’s not depressing, you thought as you took a drink of your tea and thought of another question. “So what was your plan of attack with the exacto knife?” He decided to ask a question while you thought of another. You felt your face get redder than before and you stuttered out a response before he chuckled and told you he was kidding.
You talked and asked questions back and forth for a few hours before you thought you had a pretty good understanding of your new roommate. He was a teacher before he died and was stuck at the age 30. He likes cats, although you could have guessed that from your first interaction, he also likes sleep but doesn’t need to as a ghost. He could choose when and when not to appear visible. You also learned that he can’t leave the house, so he’s been stuck here for a while.
As it got later in the evening you let out a yawn and he asked if you wanted to go to bed. You had nodded and thought of something, “Where have you been sleeping?” He silently pointed at the couch as he got up and grabbed the cups from the coffee table. You frowned and gave the couch a few experimental bounces, “Is it comfortable?” You got up and called into the kitchen. You jumped as he walked through the wall towards you, “Jesus I’m never going to get used to that, I can tell you that right now.”
He silently laughed before responding, “It’s comfortable enough, why? Going to offer your bed?” He quirked an eyebrow at you as you began to stutter for the millionth time that day. “I’m just messing with you, it’s fine you don’t need to worry.”
You frowned once again, “I can set up a ‘spare room’ and that can be your room. I won’t be having guests over often but on the off chance someone does you’ll have to go back to the couch for a night or two.”
“Yeah you can do that if you want, but you don’t have to buy things for me to sleep on, I’m fine with the couch, I slept on a floor before you got here.” You never thought about it like that, but when you think about it yeah he had nothing to do before you moved here. If you didn’t feel bad before you do now. You let out a fine and went to your room to get ready for bed.
It had been nearly a year since moving into your new home and almost ten months since you found out about your new ghostly roommate. Everything had been pretty interesting. True to your word you still hadn’t got used to him walking through the walls to get to his destinations. You think one of these times it’s going to give you a heart attack and send you into the afterlife with him. You started making extra helpings during your meals, deciding that if he doesn’t eat them you can take them to work with you. You also bought a bed and nightstand for the spare room. You would have left it as just the bed but if someone like Nemuri did stay the night you figured it’d be weird if there was just a bed and nothing else.
You two had gotten pretty close over the months you’ve lived together, you talked everyday and learned more about each other. You would consider him one of your three friends. You didn’t have many people you considered friends, so yeah he’s one of them. You had hoped that he considered you a friend as well. Nemuri had come over a few times where you forgot to tell him and he almost walked into the room with her. Not that you think she would care, but you definitely thought she would lose her shit if the way she found out was him walking through the wall. You just haven’t found out how to tell her. I mean how do you bring that up in conversation, “Hey I have a roommate, but surprise! He’s dead!” that didn’t seem like it’d get you thrown in the loony bin at all. You talked about him pretending to be alive, it’s not like you can tell he’s not alive anyway. For now you just haven’t told her, it hasn’t caused problems yet.
Tonight Nemuri had finally convinced you to let her set you up with someone. You didn’t necessarily want to but she had been bugging you about this for a while so you figured if you let her do it this once she’d finally leave you alone about it. You had been getting ready when you realized you weren’t sure what you were doing. You didn’t know if she meant going to a bar and her trying to find someone there or if she had already found someone. You started to look for your phone in your room to text her when you realized it was in the living room. You sighed and walked over to the coffee table when Aizawa had looked over and saw you were dressed up.
He gave you a once over and raised his eyebrows, “Where are you going tonight? You never go out.” You laughed at the question and the comment.
You sent Nemuri a text asking what the hell was going on because all she told you prior was “look hot”. After sending the text you looked at Aizawa, “Nemuri is setting me up tonight, but I don’t know if she means on a date or finding some random guy in a club.” Aizawa paused for a moment before letting out an oh and turning to the tv. You looked at him with a confused look on your face before walking back to your room to finish getting ready.
Nemuri had texted you back saying you were going to a club to find someone and you rolled your eyes. You had been hoping for the other option, she also sent you a text stating that she had been here. You went to leave and say goodbye to Aizawa but saw that the tv had been shut off and he wasn’t anywhere to be seen. You shrugged and left the house, you got into Nemuri’s car and buckled your seatbelt when you sat down. You were all for “living on the edge” as she called it, but when it comes to Nemuri and driving you weren’t taking chances. She was a driver from hell.
“What club are we going to? Also what do you hope to accomplish tonight? I’m not a one night stand kind of girl, I’ve been in one relationship that ended in a disaster.” She told you that you guys were just going to look and you didn’t have to have a one night stand, but at least talk to a few people. The rest of the way to the club was just you two listening to the playlist that she had decided for the night. Upon arriving she parked the car and walked straight up to the bouncer. You were already wary of tonight because she had just cut in front a lot of people. You didn’t know much about the clubbing scene but you guessed that was a big no no. She had told the bouncer her name and was immediately let in. You quickly followed her in careful not to make eye contact with the people who were in line.
“I know the dj that works in this club so I get let in for free.” You nodded in understanding and continued to follow her to the bar. You both ordered your drinks, while you waited for them to get done Nemuri started scoping out the room and looking for god knows what. You had no clue what her standards for men were anymore, or what she thought your standards for men would be. You thanked the bartender as he set your drinks down in front of you. As she continued to look around you started at your drink taking a hesitant sip, you weren’t big on alcohol.
Nemuri tapped your shoulder and you turned around, drink in hand, as she pointed in a direction. You tried following her finger but failed miserably, it was so packed in here. You gave her a questioning look before she decided on describing them instead, “That blonde guy in the black and gold tank top. He kinda looks like he’s wearing eyeliner.” You found who she was talking about and squinted trying to see him better from here. You didn’t like this clubbing idea so far.
Upon looking at him you gave her your answer, “No.” she let out a ‘why, he’s cute’ to which you responded with, “Yeah and looks about ten years younger than us. Nemuri, all of the people in here look way too young for me. You might be into the younger generation but I’m not. Thank you and all, but I’m just going to go home.”
“Y/n it’s only been like fifteen minutes come one.” She whined as you paid for your drink and thanked the bartender.
“Nemuri I shouldn’t have even come out tonight. The lights are hurting my eyes, the sound is giving me a headache, my claustrophobia is going to kick in, and I can already tell that none of these people aren’t my type, because my type wouldn’t be at a club. I’m sorry but I’m going home.” After saying that you walked outside and called a cab to take you home.
Twenty minutes late you arrived home and sighed as you kicked off your shoes. You went to take off your make-up but left your clothes on as you decided to make yourself a snack. You kneeled down to pet Saturn as she joined you in the kitchen while your food was heating up. Jumping in place as you saw Aizawa come out from the wall. You let out a small hey as you stood up and took your food out of the microwave and began to eat.
He leaned against the counter with a glass of water in hand, “Have fun? Meet anyone you liked?”
You laughed in response, “Uhm no, I hate clubs and everyone there was way too young. I don’t think she realizes we have two completely different tastes. Besides, my type wouldn’t be at a club anyway.”
He nodded in understanding, setting his glass in the sink and turning to you again, “What is your type?”
You finished eating as you thought about it. You’ve never really thought about it before, you definitely know they wouldn’t be at a club though. “I’m not sure to be honest. I’m going to bed though. G’night Aizawa.” You gave him a brief hug before going to your room.
After you got ready for bed you thought about what your type would be some more. You stared at the ceiling as you thought, they probably wouldn’t be loud. They would probably be quiet, but not like a pushover quiet. They’d have to like cats, if they don’t it’s not gonna work out. Probably a homebody who you can nap with. But also someone you can joke around with. That’s when it hit you. Fuck.
Aizawa is your type.
#aizawa imagine#aizawa fic#aizawa x reader#aizawa#bnha aizawa#aizawa x y/n#bnha imagine#bnha imagines#bnha x reader#bnha#my hero academia
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The absolute funniest headcanons about Joe x Nicky out there are, hands down, the ones made by people who have clearly never been in a long term relationship. And I don’t mean that to be mean! If you haven’t, it doesn’t matter! But let me just say this...Nicky and Joe do not get jealous when someone hits on/or asks the other out. Nicky and Joe do not sneak handjobs/blowjobs/quickies in while members of the guard are in the room, even if they’re sleeping. They are not (and literally, even, in the movie, they are not!) attached at the hip twenty-four seven! They do not need to constantly be reassuring the other that they love him, or even constantly be calling the other a pet name.
They have been together 900 fucking years and I know people - myself included - who lost interest in that kind of behavior within the first year of their relationship. That kind of honeymoon phase - it is something you can’t help in the beginning, because it is new and exciting and you can’t get enough of it, and sometimes it’s fun! But it’s also a result of insecurity and the fear of losing the other by breaking up which Joe and Nicky do not have. That kind of behavior is for amateurs. It is weak.
Nicky and Joe feel nothing but sorry for people who hit on them. And maybe a little amused, or even a little happy for their significant other getting hit on/asked out.
Nicky and Joe have gone days, or weeks, or months or fuck! Probably even years - given their lifespans and the nature of their jobs (personally I see them fighting, in say, World War 2, but at different locations on the planet, writing letters to one another about their experiences in battle and how they miss each other for however long the war lasts like those letters between those two gay men in World War 2 and they’re all poetic and sappy but that’s just me) - without having sex and it was no big deal. Not even something to comment on or notice. Granted, it’s probably not often, and if it is as long as a year or more, it’s probably not something they can help, but nonetheless, it’s not an indication that they no longer desire each other or love each other.
Like! There have definitely been t h o u s a n d s of times that one of them has said, “I’m too tired, do it yourself.” There have been m i l l i on s of times, one of them has said, “Brush your teeth first, you smell.” This is how people who don’t get to be together for more than fifty years act once they’ve been together for longer than one. Can you even imagine what it’s like after 900? We are talking about a kind of comfortableness and intimacy with one another that no person on earth can imagine. I remember reading that one part in Call Me By Your Name - not the part with the peach, that is definitely an early love kind of nonsense - but the part toward the end, where they’re in the hotel and Elio doesn’t flush the toilet just because he knows that he and Oliver are not going to be in each other’s lives much longer and he wants their relationship to have been as close and as intimate as it can possibly be...And I’m thinking about how early in my marriage, my husband and I were long distance and I travelled cross-country to visit him, packed lingerie and lube and all the fun works - and ended up getting horribly constipated and sick while I was there and we spent the whole night, me sitting on the toilet and him sitting on the bathroom rug, just talking to each other because we missed each other so much and it was like, just not even on either of our minds that I was literally on a toilet and I’m thinking about one of my favorite poems:
Finding Something
Jack Gilbert
I say moon is horses in the tempered dark,
because horse is the closest I can get to it.
I sit on the terrace of this worn villa the king’s
telegrapher built on the mountain that looks down
on a blue sea and the small white ferry
that crosses slowly to the next island each noon.
Michiko is dying in the house behind me,
the long windows open so I can hear
the faint sound she will make when she wants
watermelon to suck on or so I can take her
to a bucket in the corner of the high-ceilinged room
which is the best we can do for a chamber pot.
She will lean against my leg as she sits
so as not to fall over in her weakness.
How strange and fine to get so near to it.
The arches of her feet are like voices
of children calling in the grove of lemon trees,
where my heart is as helpless as crushed birds.
And I just fucking - fucking think about that okay? How, when you love someone, when you’re a normal person with a normal lifespan who loves someone - there is no barrier between yourself and them. You are as close, and as intimate with one another, as you are with your own body.
And Nicky and Joe have been together 900 fucking years.
They are not going to be attached at the hip the way we mean it when we describe a couple as attached at the hip. They are already so mentally and spiritually and emotionally connected, that they could go days or weeks without talking to each other, just living quietly in the same space as one another, and feel no loss for contact whatsoever. Does that mean they do it? No, I’m sure not. Obviously not! They still spoon to bed! They probably don’t just randomly happen to not have sex for a year, or whatever, either. But the point I’m making is, if they were put in that situation, or if it did happen to happen, it would be no indication that they do not love each other anymore. If anything, it is an indication of how MUCH they love each other. They could be put through any test of love in existence - tests not even possible for normal people to face! - and confront it head on with ease.
Which I think we need to to try to portray in our fan content more often!!!!
#the old guard#joe x nicky#immortal husbands#nicolo di genova#yusuf al kaysani#thanks for listening to my rant
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Dropping info about my AT OCs here (this will update sometimes)
All come from an AU where the Gravital invasion is stopped beforehand by the Asteromorphs. The New Machines and Terrestrials both still exist exist under the watchful eye of the Asteromorphs, but New Machines can leave to other stars with a permit.
DENYS
> Saurosapient male, in human years he’d be about 25. Probably trans. If so, he goes stealth. Spiny variant.
> A minor scientist who researches evolutionary history and ocean life. He grew up in the Saurian city with the highest concentration of Star People ruins, and has dedicated his life to his research.
> Light-hearted and humorous, but bad at actual conversation. He has echolalia and tends to repeat phrases over and over. Can space lizards be autistic? Fuck it. I’m autistic, so my damn lizard can be as well. I make the rules.
> Infodumps about his findings to anyone who’s mildly interested.
> Poor eyesight and a lack of natural depth perception; needs glasses. Nearly blind in one eye, but not to the same extent as Pierce.
> Overly dramatic and flashy. Imagine those “oh? you kick miette across the ROOM?” cats, but as a fully sapient reptile. That’s Denys.
> Closest to his online friends and his mom. Legitimately considering putting his consciousness and DNA into an automated machine to send to one of his friends’ planets.
> God. He’s gay.
PIERCE
> Killer Folk male, in human years he’d be about 30. Definitely trans and not stealth at all. Common variant.
> He used to spar with other Killer Folk for fame and fortune, known as “the Crimson Beast” due to the fact his hair was always dyed completely red at the time. One day, however, a rival accidentally scratched his eye out due to the mandated claw caps for legal sparring getting loose and falling off mid-match.
> Since losing his eye, he’s had some balance issues and a lack of depth perception due to his other eye being completely gone and scarred over. He’s doing just fine though, and has learned to rely more on scent.
> Has grown out of his “Crimson Beast” persona, taking a more mellow approach to life. He only keeps the tips of his hair red now, and he makes his own hair dye which is acclaimed across the stars. He shares recipes online for a small fee so they can also be made on other planets.
> Longtime internet/radio friends with Caecil.
> Incredibly heavy smoker. He spent a good chunk of his Crimson Beast money on tobacco-resistang prosthetic lungs. This seems to stem from unknown childhood trauma, as Caecil says that the first time they saw Pierce talk about smoking was when they were both at the age of human elementary schoolers.
> His three eye scars are from the incident during sparring, and his other facial scar comes from a childhood incident. The scars on his chest are from top surgery.
> Doesn’t associate with any members of his family. Closest to his old sparring rivals, Caecil, and his little sister. He is very, very protective of his loved ones.
> Bi, uninterested in relationships at the moment.
CAECIL
> Nonbinary Snake Person, any pronouns. Mostly uses he/him and they/them. Would be 27 in human years. Deep underground variant, resulting in ghostly pale skin.
> He was born with multiple mutations. For starters, their body is completely incapable of making any body hair. The most striking aspect of him is the fact he has two extra ears, but these are completely cosmetic skin flaps that don’t have any ear canals. His hearing is not impacted, but the extra space taken up has weakened his jaw considerably. He cannot eat harder foods.
> As a child, they had a strapped harness under his jaw to support it. Even though they were bullied sometimes for it, he grew to like it, eventually creating his own that forms a beak.
> Even more agoraphobic than the average Snake Person. He only ever leaves his house to get groceries, buying in excessive bulk so he doesn’t have to go to the store again for at least a month. He orders his medicine and video games online.
> Chronically ill, this played a huge part in spiking his agoraphobia growing up. His family, friends, and especially Pierce support him however. Due to this, he’s constantly very fatigued.
> They make their money by streaming video games, often with Pierce as a guest. Also does light drugs as a hobby.
> Closest to his mom, stepdad, brother, and Pierce. He talks to his biological father from time to time but not super often. His biological father also has four ears.
> Asexual but romantically likes men, considers themselves toric. Has had a crush on Pierce since childhood. He will never say anything since they think Pierce is far too cool for them.
LIPARIS
> Cis lesbian Sail Person, she/her. Would be 19 in human years. Winter variant.
> Has a New Machine girlfriend who she loves very much! She lives with her by the beach.
> Raised by her mother growing up. Her dad was always out hunting, and when he came back home, he’d always be blackout drunk to the point Liparis would lock herself up in her room and not come back until her dad left to hunt again. Her dad was even more violent than the average Sail Person, and her mom eventually left him when she was in her teens and raised her alone.
> Watched Pierce on TV back when he was still fighting. Growing up without much of a dad, she looked up to him as a male role model, despite never meeting him.
> Has a bad habit of oversharing, sometimes to the point of driving people away. She can only be friends with people who understand her lack of a filter, and she especially gets along well with other motormouths.
> Still thinking out her story honestly X_X
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"greek-Bros: Phallic Judgement"
*Surprisingly, Dionysus had gone back to Rome to cause more mischief with Hermes, this time they've brought Ares along*
Dionysus: *again disguised as a wine seller* ok gentlemen, behold. The foulest creatures to crawl on the face of the earth. *Shows just random Roman citizens*
Ares: *who for some reason decided he wanted to disguise himself as the world's most intimidating slave* ......ugh....the goats? *Sees a goat*
Hermes: *cleverly disgusted as farmer* haha no. You see, these guys are absolutely weird. They insist of "rationing" Sapa, they have taxes for literally existing and above all.....their wine is watered down! But they have the best bread I've ever tasted though.
Ares: ... really?
Dionysus: don't be fooled by their baked goods my dudes. These are cruel and unrelenting scum folk. Uncultured, ignorant, and above all....they've inslaved every single country they've conquered.
Hermes: .....it's mostly about the wine isn't it?
Dionysus: ....*turns dramatically* their most unforgiving sin.
Ares: *has wondered off to see a statue of himself*.....my dick isn't THAT small.......*looks at the name plate saying "Mars"* ......I can't believe these guys misspelled my name....*takes some charcoal, scratches out Mars and writes Ares*
Centurion Gaurd: Excuse me slave! Where is your master! Slaves are not allowed near the devine statue of the gods.*sees that Ares has wrote his name on the statue's nameplate* What the?
Ares: *doesn't know the centurion was referring to him considering he's in disguise* .........*turns to the see the back of the statue* ....at least they got the ass right.
Centurion Gaurd: EXCUSE ME! Please stop making remarks about the sacred statue! You've defaced sacred property!
Ares: *slowly peaks over to the centurion* ....hey ugh there's a thing on your helmet*
Centurion Gaurd: oh really? *Pats around his helmet* where?
Ares: *points to the centurion's face* There's a shit attitude a little all over your FuCkInG ugly mug.
Centurion Gaurd: *realising what he meant* YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!
Dionysus: *walks into the situation* Oh there you are Skippy! Bad boy I thought I told you to stay close to me and not open your mouth! *takes a little stick and weakly whips Ares's shoulder with a single thing of wheat*
Ares: *confused* ...wut?
Centurion Gaurd: Is there YOUR disrespectful slave?
Ares: wait you said I was going to be a noblem-*gets a loaf of bread in his mouth by Hermes*
Hermes: please shut up or we'll leave you here to fend for yourself.
Ares: *kinda just enjoying the bread* hmfhmf.
Dionysus: You see my good sir, my slave is extremely stupid, dumb and has testicles the size of grapeseeds. He was used as a human kickball when he was an infant and was raised by goats. He can't help himself sometimes. *Tries to clean the charcoal off the statue*
Ares: *angry noises* ?!?
Centurion Gaurd: .....Ok...you have the pay the "Disrespectful Slave" tax fine.
Dionysus: .....*grumbles and takes a bag filled with gold coins* ....*gives it begrudgingly* .....*grits his teeth* have....a...good day.
Centurion Gaurd: *takes the gold and sees that it's drachma* .....hmm.....*takes out a piece of paper with a semi-crude wanted poster of Dionysus, Apollo and Hermes* ......hmm.....I watching you....sir. *leaves to find Mortus*
Dionysus: *turns to Ares and glares at him* ....you owe me 20 drachma.
Ares: *has finished eat the bread* Why? Don't these mortals know we're gods?
Dionysus: No! We're here in disguise so that was can destroy the city again. You are here to make sure the country doesn't get a chance to get back up.
Ares: Fuck yah. *Literally has no idea what he agreed to*
Hermes: *saw the wanted poster in the centurion's hand* ugh...guys we REALLY need to finish what we came here for because they're definitely on to us.
Dionysus: yeah yeah I know....come on let's go. I want to destroy the coliseum again.
Ares: what's a coliseum?
Dionysus: *suddenly a huge grin forms across his face* Hermes .....is the coliseum....open?
Hermes: let me check. *Literally speeds next to the coliseum and saw a Roman sign that says "Grand Re-Opening" and zips back to Dionysus* yeah. It's open.
Dionysus: perfect. *Pops a waterskin filled with wine, and chugs it* oh gods I'm FuCkInG dry. It's like this place sucks your very essence or something.
Hermes: hmm....yeah, shame really. *as he was following Dionysus and Ares, he accidentally dumbs into a familiar face* oops sorry miss.
Octavia: *turns around with a baby in her arms that looks suspiciously familiar* Oh pardon me sir. I didn't mean to bump into, the market seems rather busy today doesn't it?
Hermes: It's ok, I was just heading to-*knotices the baby* .....ugh...
Caius the baby: *smiles at Hermes as if he knew Hermes was his dad* ba-ba :D
Octavia: Oh sweetie, daddy is working. Oh children are so wonderous, even at a few months old, they have such an imagination. By the way, have we met before? You look so familiar....are you from the countryside?
Hermes: uuggggh *trying his best to not look Octavia in the eye* yeah, I get that all the time. Trust me I have some of my own, I mean children that is. Also no I don't think I have? *Literally hoping she doesn't recognize him even though he shape shifted into her husband a year ago*
Caius: *still happily cooing over his real dad*
Dionysus: come on buddy le-*put two and two together and scowls at Hermes* ......you didn't.
Hermes: ugh....
Dionysus: nevermind we're off! *He pulls Hermes to the direction of the coliseum*
Octavia: hmmm what a strange young man. He's handsome though.
Caius: *coos in disappointment* :(
*later*
Dionysus: *rubs his hands* hehehehehe....
Hermes: this better be worth it. I thought we would write our names on the temple walls here or something.
A Roman Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen! This grand reopening of the Coliseum shall be in honor of our Lord and Emperor Caeser!
Caeser: *does the Royal British wave*
Dionysus: peeeeerfect.
Hermes: ......hey I got to ask...why did you bring Ares?
Dionysus: some bulky bastard is currently the head champion gladiator here, he use to live on Crete before the Romans decided to kidnap a few warriors there....let's just say my pettiness will come with effort.
Hermes: ......ok seriously man what are talking about?
Dionysus: look no one says that their dick is bigger than mine and actually gets away with it.
Hermes: ....you know....you could just smite someone. I mean it's not graceful....but it's effective.
Dionysus: hoho, I'm going to make this extra dramatic.
The Roman Announcer: And now! You're great champion, Maximus the Well-Endowed!
Maximus: *a huge, hulking man came out, roars out* HAIL CAESAR! *Leans to the announcer* I am going to get my 20 hot virgin women after this right?
Announcer: *whispers* yes yes. AND HIS CHALLENGER *looks at a note which was scribbled on his hand* ..... "Skippy the Not-Well-Endowed"! *Looks back his hand still not believing what he had read*
Ares: *is just happy to get into a fight, however was oddly enough only was only wearing a loin cloth and a helmet, armed with a shield and spear* ......oh boy, a whole stadium just for killing? These people rock!
Hermes: ........you didn't....
Dionysus: yep.
Ares: *steps side to side like an exited kid* comeoncomeoncomeonstartthefighting.
Maximus: Alright Skippy, time to end your tiny dicked existence. *Raised his sword on to Ares but Ares was able to break it with his helmet* !?
Ares: ....that's it?
Maximum: *confused* ugh....*waves to order in more weapons, all of which fail to hurt Ares*
Ares: .......aw come on...you guys have some shitty ass weapons. Bet YOUR weapon is just as shit.
Maximus: grrrrr.....YOU PUNY SLAVE! *Rips off his armored skirt* See! You're fucking wrong!
Roman crowd: *gasps*
Dionysus: .....
Hermes: *whistles* holyshit....dude this guy is hung.
Dionysus: If there's one god who can contest me....the only god who's dick is so epic, so powerful, so irresistible, so near perfect......that Aphrodite can't FuCkInG resist it on a daily basis.
Hermes: Heracles?
Dionysus: No buddy, Ares. Ares is the guy who's dick is better than mine I mean come on a guy who shags the goddess of love more times than any living thing HAS to have something going on down there
Some Roman Karen: EXCUSE me is pronounced Venus! We don't use greek words here.
Dionysus: Please leave me alone lady.
Some Roman Karen: *rhees in anger*
Dionysus and Hermes: *both are struggling to ignore her*
Ares: ....ok...that dick of your isn't that great.....*rips off his loin cloth* .....THIS....is a dick.
Crowd: *the women and gay men swoons over the perfect of Ares's bare body, men quake and cringe at their own feeble members and put to shame*
Caesar: *completely unimpressed and decided to leave* hmf. Pathetic.
Maximus: *wriggles in shame* HOW c-C-C-could this be?! The most PERFECT COCK? Oh my gods why is it fucking glowing?!
Ares: ....what you don't shave yourself weekly? I mean come on man that's how you keep the ladies coming back?
Maximus: *starts crying a little*
Dionysus: *cackling uncontrollably* SO THATS HIS SECRET! *writes on a piece of paper saying "shave, dick, weekly"*
Hermes: *still not fully understanding why all of this* ........you brought Ares here JUST to emasculate some gladiator?
Dionysus: Oh much more than that Herms.....much much m-
Roman Karen: EXCUSE YOU SIR ITS MERCURY!
Dionysus: *has had enough and turned her into a chicken* there much better.
Hermes: .....are you ok? Did you have your wine today?
Dionysus: I RAN OUT OF WINE LONG AGO!
Hermes: *deep sigh* not again.
Ares: *now in full naked display* ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!? *The crowd roared and cheered*
Dionysus: well....yah want to set the animals free from their cages?
Hermes: fuk ye-*feels a tough and strong hand practically crushing his shoulder* .....*turns to see an old man who clearly was Zeus* .....
Zeus: .....boys.....
Dionysus and Hermes: .....Uh Oh.
Zeus: *took each of them by their ears like a discontented mother* you're BOTH grounded for bothering these mortals and above all abusing the dark, unholy power of the sacred male member ....if I had a third arm it would be reserved for Ares. *Looks down at Ares now just doing some naked dance for the crowd*........*deep and disappointed sigh*
Dionysus: but dad, I do that like everyday.
Zeus: I don't care if I don't discipline you or Hermes right the now, Hera will have MY male member nailed to the wall.
(Later that day)
Mortus: *inner noir detective monologue* after several months, nothing. Absolutely nothing. The suspects disappeared from the face of the empire. Likely their crimes have caught up with them. My only consolation to solving this case....is the mysterious birth of my son and my faithful wife. .... speaking of which...why does Caius have blue eyes? Me and Octavia have brown.....did ...she?....nah that's impossible.
The Centurion from earlier: MY LORD! I FOUND THE SUSPECTS!
Mortus: *dramatically turns around* This better be the right ones this time.
*much later after apparently an orgy broke out at the coliseum*
Mortus: .... Absolutely disgusting. Practicing Sexual Festivities without a license is punishable by crucifixion, Mark.
The Announcer (Mark): B-b-but sir! It wasn't my fault! Some slave was to challenge Maximus and they just decided to remove their clothing and everyone went wild! ....to be fair the slave did look a little attractive BUT the fornicating ceased once the slave disappeared.
Mortus:....was he accompanied by a portly, dark haired ..... individual?......an extremely attractive blonde slave and a thinner more athletic young man with brown hair?
The Announcer: ...hmm...well yes minus the other slave.
Mortus: Hmmm.....the plot thickens.....are these the mysterious criminals that destroyed the coliseum last year?....What is the motivated behind these depraved individuals?.....
The Announcer: ugh...why are you talking to yourself?
#greek bros#greek-Bros#Mortus#roman vs greek jokes#greek gods#dionysus#hermes#Ares#Zeus#greek mythology
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