#darkling fics | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

criminalamnesia · 1 year

Text

Dancing With Our Hands Tied

summary: Nikolai confronts you about unspoken feelings.

warnings: fluff, no use of y/n, not proofread, no gendered pronouns used (that I know of), grisha!heartrender!reader

author’s note: dancing with our hands tied by taylor swift inspired this! also listen I love zoya and nikolai but nikolai is just sooooooo ksjfjsjs I wanted to write a reader insert for him.

—

What you had with your captain was something no one understood– not even the two of you.

Sturmhond– or Nikolai, as you knew him in secret– was your friend. Your captain. But he was also something more.

He was a rogue ship, and you were a lighthouse guiding him home. He was a dangerous sea, threatening to drown you if you tested your luck– and oh, how you were so close to seeing what would happen if you did.

You shouldn’t even know his true identity. But, as fate would have it, he needed a heartrender with a specific set of skills that you just happened to have, and you needed an escape.

You were his tailor– disguising his appearance and turning him into the infamous Sturmhond. That was the only reason you were allowed to see him without his mask– you were the one to put it back together.

“You’re not surprised?” He had asked you the first night your services had been requested.

The ginger hair of Sturmhond had faded. The crooked nose had straightened, but the same smug grin was still present.

“No,” you had said. “I know that heartbeat. I knew it was you a mile from your ship.”

That took him aback. How did you know his heartbeat?

You had laughed, your eyes twinkling with something he found mesmerizing. He didn’t know you– he was sure of it. He wouldn’t forget a face like yours.

One of your hands was on his shoulder, holding him still. The other roamed his face, fingers dancing across his skin as you worked.

“You’re staring,” you stated, your fingers moving to his messy blond hair. “Trying to figure out how I know you?”

“Yes,” he admitted, eyes watching your face intently. “Were you at the Little Palace?”

You nodded. “I was.” The blond of his hair started to turn red. “But I spent most of my time in the Grand Palace.” You paused, your hand leaving his shoulder to move to his chin, tilting his head to the side. You could hear his heart beat a tad bit faster.

“The Darkling gave me to your mother, as he did with Genya. I was her apprentice. She taught me how to tailor.” You told him.

“I didn’t suffer the same fate she did, if that’s what you’re wondering. Your father had eyes for her, not me.” You couldn’t help the bitterness in your voice. Nikolai flinched.

“You were rarely home– but I met you once, when we were both still small. That’s why I know your heartbeat. The only one of the Royal Family to have a good heart– not a sour one. It stuck with me, I guess you could say.”

“I don’t remember you,” he admitted, and you gave a small laugh. His blond hair was almost completely red now.

“I wouldn’t expect you to. You’re not the only one being tailored, Captain. The First Army can’t take me back if they don’t recognize me, now can they?”

“Are you listening?”

Nikolai’s voice broke you from your thoughts. He was sitting on the bed in his quarters on the ship. You stood between his knees, your hands on his face as you changed him back into Sturmhond.

“Mhm,” you hummed. You weren’t. This routine was something you could do in your sleep, and truthfully, you found your mind drifting off more and more whenever Nikolai required your assistance. It’s not that you found his company dull– quite the opposite, actually. But you didn’t want him to know that.

“No you weren’t,” he gave a small chuckle, one of his hands moving up to grab one of yours. He pulled it from his face as he intertwined your fingers.

“Nikolai,” you hissed, pulling your hand from his grasp. “Do you want me to mess up? I was in the middle of reforming your nose.”

He sighed, his hand falling back to his lap as you raised yours once more. You avoided his eyes, knowing you wouldn’t like what you saw in them.

Between the two of you, he was the more open with his feelings. For the past few weeks, he had continuously tried to corner you and get you to talk about whatever the two of you were. To try and figure things out. You had successfully avoided him thus far, but you knew you were dancing on thin ice.

It was only a matter of time before he recruited one of the twins to subdue you while he forced you to listen. You wouldn’t put it past him, and you knew for a fact Tolya would help him. Curse that hopeless romantic.

“You’re insufferable. And exhausting,” he told you as you grasped his chin gently between your fingers, turning his face this way and that to examine your handiwork.

“I know. You tell me quite often,” you remarked, nodding to yourself as you moved to focus your sights on his hair.

He sighed. Silence engulfed the two of you. It was almost smothering, full of unsaid words and the tension between the two of you. You were suddenly aware of how close you were to him– his knees caging you in as you stood between his spread legs. His face in your hands, his hands now on your waist.

“We keep dancing around this,” he said. You didn’t reply, choosing to focus more intently on the roots of his hair. “The whole crew thinks we’re sleeping together.”

That caught you off guard. You gave a snort, rolling your eyes. “Of course they do. You call me to your quarters in the night, every week. You always stare at me, especially when you think I’m not looking. And you’re handsy– you’ve always got a hand on my back or my shoulder or something.”

Nikolai chuckled. “Well, you’re one to talk. Every time you laugh at something I’ve said, you grab onto my arm and go ‘oh Sturmhond!’. And don’t act like you don’t stare, too.”

“I do not say ‘oh Sturmhond’,” you said, looking down at him. He grinned that same crooked smile.

“I know you’re thinking it. Probably thinking some other things, too. Like how you’d like to–”

“Shut up, or I’m going to give you a black eye.” You hissed, pulling his hair harder than you should’ve.

He laughed. “You wouldn’t. You like my face too much.”

“Im sick of it, actually,” you remarked. “I see it everyday.”

“If that were true, you wouldn’t be here.” He replied.

“You say that as if you’d let me leave. I’m the only tailor you’ve got.”

He shook his head. “That’s not the reason I wouldn’t let you leave, and we both know it.”

You dropped your hands as the last of his blond turned red. Your job here was done. There was nothing stopping you from bidding him goodnight and excusing yourself to your own cot. You knew he would drop it and let you go without another word, but you couldn’t bring yourself to say anything. You didn’t want to say anything.

“So now you’re keeping me prisoner?” You said, suddenly all too aware of his hands squeezing your waist.

“Maybe I am. At least until you admit you like me,” he said, and you scoffed.

“If I didn’t like you, I wouldn’t be here–” you began, but he cut you off.

“That’s not what I mean and you know it.”

He moved to stand. You tried to step back, but his hands on you kept you rooted to the spot. You looked up at him, heat rising to your cheeks. Your chests were touching now, and there were only inches between your lips and his.

“When are we going to stop playing this game?” He whispered, one of his hands moving from your waist to brush a strand of hair from your face.

“You like it too much to stop.” You retorted.

“I’d like honesty more,” he said, and you shook your head. “As much fun as playing cat and mouse is with you, I’m growing tired of chasing. And we both know you’re tired of running.”

His hands were on your hips as he swung you around the deck, a laugh on his lips as you clung to his shoulders. You couldn’t help but smile as he dipped you, your eyes meeting his. There were unspoken promises in his gaze– too many feelings, and you had to look away.

Others danced around you two as a few of the crew played some song you’d never heard on makeshift instruments. Laughter and conversation made it hard to think straight. Spirits were high– you’d all just succeeded in breaking through a Fjerdan blockade– and that called for a celebration.

“They’re all going to think we’re together,” you had told Nikolai as he grabbed your hand and pulled you to the dance floor. He had laughed, leaning in close to whisper “let them” in your ear.

He had kissed you for the first time that night, after the party had subsided and everyone was asleep but the two of you. You had been talking quietly, watching the stars and listening to the waves, and he had kissed you and you had melted.

“Nikolai..” you sighed, your hands moving to rest on his shoulders. “This isn’t a good idea.”

“I don’t care,” he told you, and his heartbeat was as steady as it had ever been.

“I do,” you told him, meeting his gaze. “You can’t play pirate forever. What happens when you go back to Ravka, back to your family? You can’t marry me. I’m nobody– not a princess, not a diplomat. I’m an escaped servant who knows too much and would be imprisoned or executed for escaping.”

“Privateer,” he corrected, and you rolled your eyes. “And I’m the second son– a bastard second son. I’m already a disgrace in their eyes,” one of his hands moved to the small of your back, his thumb rubbing circles into the fabric of your shirt. “I can’t disappoint them any more than I have.”

“It doesn’t matter what they think of you now, they still won’t let me anywhere near you.” You replied, and he shook his head.

“Why are we even talking about this?” He asked. “We’re not in Ravka. We’re in the middle of the ocean, and no one cares what we do.”

He was right. You were far from Ravka and his family and your pasts. You were someone new, and he was, too. You weren’t an escaped servant– you were Sturmhond’s first mate. You were his most trusted friend– besides the twins– and you were the one he wanted.

And you wanted him, too.

“I don’t care about details,” he said, his voice low. “I don’t care about families or consequences or rumors. I care about you, about that little smile you always get before you win at cards, about how you let me drag you onto the dance floor while the crew stares, and how you put up with me more than you should.”

You didn’t say anything, too stunned for words.

“I would do anything,” he began, his face slowly inching towards yours. “To dance with you again. To kiss you again. To not hide behind stolen glances and little jabs at each other.”

“Nikolai,” you murmured, your eyes flitting down to his lips.

“Yes?” He asked as your eyes found his once more.

“Just shut up.” You said, and you closed the gap between the two of you, your lips meeting his.

Maybe nothing he said would be true in the morning. Maybe he would realize this was all a big mistake, but you didn’t care.

He was right. You were tired of running, and you were so glad he was tired of chasing.

And as you kissed, that heartbeat that you’d remembered after all these years– that you’d always remember– soared.

And you knew he wasn’t lying.

1K notes · View notes

ronalddear · 1 year

Text

i’m so upset about the erasure of inejs trauma not only in this season but throughout the entire show. there were so many opportunities to include it and they just didn’t??

the first fight with the taxidermist when he pinned her down?

the toxin dream?

the fact that they KILLED tante helene and there was no visible reaction from inej??

instead they give her a lost brother and make her toxin dream about her relationship with kaz when everyone else’s involves their trauma and links to their backstory. the fact that the show gave her a brother makes me feel like they’re lessening her trauma more because it takes the attention off HER.

same thing with the dream, there was no reason for it to be about kaz when we could’ve gotten a perfect flashback to her being kidnapped and working in the menagerie. there weren’t any physical indications of her trauma either. i feel like they could’ve also included her devotion to her faith a lot more as it makes sense to the nature of her character.

as much as i’m upset i can’t possibly get over how PERFECT amita was as inej, (ignoring the fact that she and none of the other crows are the correct age) especially this season, acting was off the charts, with the poor material she was given.

545 notes · View notes

lieutenantwilliamrusso · 1 year

Text

Truce

A/N: You, Nikolai, and Aleksander come to an agreement. I fixed it. I fixed canon.

Warnings: 18+ minors DNI, oral sex (m/f), face riding, threesome

--------------------------

You're slumped in a threadbare chair while Aleksander paces and Nikolai lounges with his arm propped against the top of your seat.

"You cannot be serious." Alekesander bites out, dark eyes glinting with disbelief.

"Oh, please, so the only reason you've been coming to us each night is because you want to gloat? Threaten us perhaps? Nothing else?" You reply easily.

With Nikolai's newfound monster curling up around his insides, and the bond you share with Aleksander through the stag, the man in question has been able to visit either one of you at will.

"Threaten us with a good time, perhaps." Comes Nikolai's answer.

"Come on, Aleksander, a truce, for one night. It's not even real, you're the one who isn't even here." You reason, leaning forwards to pick up your tea and take a sip.

Aleksander is silent, a small frown pulling at his plush lips. But you know he's listening, you can see it on his face, in the tilt of his brows, the narrowing of his eyes, so black they seem to eat up the night outside.

"Tell me I'm wrong. That you don't visit us while we sleep, whisper in our dreams. That coming to see Nikolai while he's in the bath is just a coincidence. That you don't dream about me, too." You goad, lips curling into a smile.

You can see his frown beginning to melt as you point out how obvious he's been. You know he wants you, and on some deep, dark level, he's got a fascination with Nikolai as well. If you're honest, you're tired of this fight. Of losing innocent Grisha for the whims of powerful men. You want to go home, and you want to have Aleksander back on your side.

But right now, you want both of these men in your bed.

Aleksander's voice brings you out of your reverie.

"And if you are not wrong?"

"Then I would ask you to come here." You answer, setting down your tea as Nikolai's hands come to rest on your shoulders.

Aleksander begins to come forwards, and you stand to meet him. You take a step towards him, allowing Nikolai to move so he's at your side, shoulders touching.

When he's close enough that you feel the heat from his body, can trace the scars on his face with your eyes he pauses, seeking one last answer.

"A truce. Just for the night."

You nod, but Nikolai answers. "Just for the night."

Aleksander's lips are on yours and it's all you can do not to let your knees buckle. After weeks of hiding, sleepless nights and indescribable loss, you're here, mouths pressed together in a sloppy, rough kiss. You lunge into his arms, pressing the rest of you against him, too.

When you pull away, chest heaving for breath already, you turn to Nikolai. His cheeks are flushed, mouth red from biting his lips.

"Your turn." You say on a breath, stepping back to undo your uniform.

The two men turn to each other, regarding one another carefully for a moment before Nikolai takes the back of Aleksanser's head in one hand and leans in. When their lips touch the two groan quietly, and you press your thighs together at the sound. When your uniform has been shed and you're left only in your linen underclothes you turn back to them.

Aleksander's hands are on Nikolai's face, holding him in place. Nikolai has Aleksander's kefta in a death grip, pressing closer with each kiss. When you see Nikolai slip his tongue into Aleksander's mouth you moan out loud, lunging forwards to rejoin them.

You grip Nikolai's hair and pull him away, planting your mouth on his and slipping your tongue right in, unwilling to be parted from him. Aleksander takes the opportunity to wrap one arm around you, taking the fingers of his other hand to run through Nikolai's hair and over his neck, gently squeezing the nape.

When you've had your fill for a few seconds, you reach for Aleksander, pulling his face to yours and Nikolai's, slotting all three of your mouths together, sharing one kiss. Aleksander's tongue swipes against yours while Nikolai's slips into Aleksander's mouth. The three of you moan and pull at each other until Aleksander untangles you all.

"Bed. Now." He huffs.

You and Nikolai race to obey, Nikolai stopping to shed his boots and uniform jacket on the way. Aleksander reaches the bed first, shedding his boots and kefta on the chair next to it before removing his shirt.

His bare chest gives you pause, the blackened scars littering the skin like a map of the fold, cutting across the skin of Ravka. You feel a pang of guilt at the memory, wondering if any of this really had to happen the way it did. You wipe away any guilty thoughts when Nikolai joins you, shirtless, pants unbuttoned so the base of his hard cock is exposed.

Your mouth waters as you raise your head and catch Aleksander's eyes in the same place. You smile then, placing your hands on your hips and coking your head playfully.

"How do you want us, moi sovreigny?"

It’s Nikolai who answers as Aleksander’s eyes darken even further at your words.

“I want you on the bed, pants off. We’ll do the rest.”

You look over at Nikolai, his hazel eyes wild, blond curls already a mess. When he meets your gaze you read his plan on his face and your mouth begins to water at the thought. Without hesitation you strip the rest of the clothes from your body as Nikolai does the same, the two of you attempting to do it without removing your eyes from Aleksander’s own body as he reveals it to you.

In moments you’re bare to each other, the supple curve of your breasts, the thickness of both men’s cocks in clear view. Aleksander beckons you forwards, one hand moving to stroke himself.

When you and Nikolai reach him, Nikolai swats Aleksander’s hand away, replacing it with his own as Aleksander hisses at the contact. You start from Aleksander’s mouth, kissing him hard once more before moving over his neck, pale in the moonlight streaming in through the windows.

He groans at the attention, hips jerking up as Nikolai takes the tip of the other man’s cock into his mouth. You moan quietly, lavishing attention on any stretch of skin you can find, leaving little bites and kisses across it.

You move from his mouth to his jaw, down his neck and across his collar bones before laving over his nipples, giving each one a gentle bite as he gasps out in pleasure.

When you can’t take it anymore you slide all the way down, nudging Nikolai out of the way to slot yourself next to him, between Aleksander’s toned thighs. His cock sits hard and wet in front of you, and Nikolai wraps his fingers around the base of it, bringing the tip towards you. When you take it into your mouth you moan, tasting the salty hint of release on your tongue.

Nikolai pumps his hand in tandem with your mouth, until Aleksander is a writhing mess, one hand in Nikolai’s hair and the other fisted in Tue sheets beneath him. Nikolai moans at the harsh grip, grinding his hips down into the mattress.

“Oh, poor princeling can’t wait any longer can he?” Aleksander teases, the heaving of his chest giving away his desperation.

“Says you.” Is all Nikolai get out before Aleksander is pulling you off his cock.

“What did I do?” You whine.

“Come here.” Aleksander demands, pulling you until you’re seated over his mouth, his harsh breaths fanning over your heated core.

“Bring her your cock, prince.”

“I’m the king now, actually.”

“I don’t think that will matter in a second.”

You laugh at the two of them, leaning down to place a kiss on Nikolai’s length. You power swirls under your skin as Aleksander holds you, and you can feel the bond between you even now. You can feel the wanting.

You dip your head to suck Nikolai into your mouth as Aleksander licks at you. He buries his mouth in your pussy like he’s been starving for weeks, like he you’re the only thing that can save him. You moan and grind your hips down, coming up for air as he wastes no time slipping a finger into you.

You rock back onto it, already losing yourself to that sweet headspace only the two men beneath you can pull from you. The thought of being fucked tonight sends you deeper, until you’re lost to it.

You alternate, sucking one cock while stroking the other until you’re trembling, toes curling as the room fills with light, your first orgasm overtaking you as you ride it out on Aleksander’s tongue. When you’ve come down, he gently places you next to him on the bed, pulling Nikolai forward to kiss him, spreading the taste of you across Nikolai’s tongue.

Aleksander reaches down to wrap nimble fingers around Nikolai’s length, stroking gently as the other man whines. It’s a sweet, high sound he only releases when he’s close, and it makes you giggle, dumbstruck on the pleasure of it all.

When he pulls away, Aleksander turns to you.

“Who would you like?”

“Hm?” Is all your brain can muster.

Aleksander chuckles, Nikolai still in his arms.

“Looks like our summoner’s brain has leaked out of her cunt. Which one one of us would you like to fuck you first? You’ll take both of us tonight, little saint.”

You smile, opening your thighs as you close your eyes.

“Let’s see if I can figure out which one of you it is.”

Nikolai laughs and you giggle softly, biting your lip as you feel both men slide from the silken sheets. A moment later there are strong hands on your thighs, and your legs are pushed up towards your chest, exposing your glistening core to the air.

“Oh, Niko, you’ll have to try harder than that.” You taunt, opening your eyes.

“How’d you know?” He asks, pressing his forehead to your calf.

“You love this position.”

You both laugh as he slides in your slick heat, noises of amusement turning into groans of pleasure. He thrusts into you after a moment, fucking you deep and hard, the kind of all-consuming passion you’ve come to expect from the king.

While you’re being rocked into the mattress, Aleksander comes to sit beside your head, threading one hand into your hair and the other through your own fingers.

“You’ve done so well for us, milaya. It will be a pleasure to break you.”

It’s those words that send you over the edge again, gripping both men tightly as you arch your back and squeeze around Nikolai. His thrusts grow erratic for a moment before he’s following you over the edge, biting down on your calf as he releases inside of you.

You can feel the slick heat of his come as you tremble in pleasure, little whines escaping you.

Nikolai pants above you, taking the time to gently place your legs back onto the bed before placing a soft kiss upon your parted lips. He’s always gentle after, coaxing you into a bath or engulfing you in the soft heat of his arms.

Aleksander on the other hand would grip you like a vice, arms encircling you, reminding you there was no shelter better than him.

This thought of the Darkling brings you back to earth, eyes seeking the man in your mind. When you find him, he’s already at your cunt, swiping his fingers through Nikolai’s release spilling from you, taking some on his fingers to taste. The sight makes you clench around nothing, and you know Aleksander catches the movement when he smirks, popping one finger from between his lips, eyes glinting in the half-there light of the moon.

“On your front.” He says firmly, his hands joining Nikolai’s to turn you.

When you’re there, you raise your hips, pressing the front half of your body down into the bed, arching in anticipation.

He takes his time, knowing the waiting frustrates you, making you short with him. You know he’d love a chance to punish you, a hand across your ass, shadows held to your wrists like rope.

You don’t give him the satisfaction, eyes glued to Nikolai for balance, watching as he comes to sit in front of you, legs spread on either side of you. You pillow your head upon his thigh, breathing harshly as he pets you. Between the two most powerful men in Ravka, maybe the world, you feel sort of like a pet. And you don’t think you’d mind being at their mercy while they rule.

Your musings are interrupted when Aleksander finally pushes in, sliding all the way to the base easily. He’s just as thick as Nikolai, stretching you open around him as he builds a place for himself inside of you.

Little bursts of light bounce from your flushed skin as Aleksander’s hips collide with yours. It’s all you can do to cling to Nikolai and take it, the harsh pleasure of the Darkling. He fucks into you like you’re the only thing in the room, like there’s no one else he’d rather be with. It’s harsh, but possessive. This isn’t mindless treatment, it’s a reminder that you’re his.

And saints, you are.

Just like you’re Nikolai’s. And you think, deep down, they’re yours, too.

When you come you scream, nails digging into the meat of Nikolai’s thighs, face hidden from both men. Aleksander follows you seconds later, coming deep into you with a long growl, hips stuttering to a stop against your ass.

When he finally releases your hips from his bruising grip you slump down, the mixture of come slipping from your entrance as Nikolai soothes you.

Aleksander collapses next to you, his head on the outside of Nikolai’s other thigh. The king pets you both, soothing you into an easy slumber.

When you wake, the morning light streams in through the windows of The Spinning Wheel, warming your face. Nikolai is beside you, long lashes fanning across his tanned cheeks, one arm pillowing your head.

Aleksander is nowhere to be seen.

You can feel it, the lack of him, the space his presence leaves. You ache for him, both of them, and in the quiet space of the morning light you curse yourself for not telling him where you are.

You want to go home. Together.

“Stop thinking so hard, you look like you’re in pain, lover.” Nikolai mumbles, eyes just open to the morning.

“I want this to be over.” You say, meeting his gaze.

He strokes the backs of his fingers over your cheek, leaving trails of warmth in their place.

“I know. So it is.”

“What-”

You’re interrupted by a crashing series of knocks against the door.

“Yes?” Nikolai calls.

Tamar cracks the door and replies,

“Moi tsar, the Darkling has arrived.”

#aleksander morovoza #nikolai lantsov #nikolai lantsov x reader #darkolai #aleksander morozova x reader #the darkling x reader #the darkling #my fics

533 notes · View notes

carnationworld-writings · 1 year

Text

I'm just a jealous guy (Aleksander Morozova x fem!reader)

To read my other works, check my MASTERLIST !

Paring: Aleksander Morozova x Grisha!reader

Universe: The Grishavers /Shadow and bone

Word Count: 1221

Requested: Yes, by my sweet annon.

Warnings: mention of jealousy, shouting someone out, mention death (Luda), making out, a quick mention of sexual activity - it ends before something happened.

If I forgot about anything feel free to write to me. Your wellbeing is important to me!

Summary: The one where he is jealous.

Aleksander walked through the corridors of Little Palace, trying to find one of his most trusted Grisha, who was also the person who made his heart beat a little faster. He lived for centuries, hiding his identity from people, always hiding his emotions, and always striving to achieve his goals. But then they showed on his path - a person with great power and strong will. A person who always cared for the people they loved and who found a way to parts of his heart that he’d forgotten. Somehow, they’d ended up sitting together into late nights, talking about everything but plans for Grishas’ training or plans for the army. He allowed himself to open up for the first time since he lost Luda, and for the first time, he allowed himself to feel again. He was afraid to call it as it was, but the truth was that he loved them. And they loved him.

The Darkling walked to the training yard, not minding Grishas, who welcomed him. He quickly knew he was in the right place and finally found them. He first heard their soft laugh and then saw them in the middle of the training yard with Fedyor, surrounded by younger Grishas. He knew that they loved to teach them, and they only showed these kids how to defend themself. But something deep in his mind made him angry at the sight of Fedyor’s hand around them. He watched how he moved his hands to their sides and started to tickle them. They squealed at the feeling and tried to escape from him, laughing loudly. The Darkling watched how close they were and how fondly they looked at each other. The betrayal blossomed in his chest. They gently tapped the Heartrender’s chest, smiling widely. Kirigan couldn’t watch it anymore and turned on his heel, quickly going to his chambers. What he didn’t know, they saw him at the last moment, and they started worrying about his hurried departure. They ended her part of the lesson and asked Fedyor to watch their training when they went after their General. After a few moments, they knocked on the doors of his cabinet. They smiled at the sound of this deep voice telling anyone behind them that he was busy. They dared to open them and snicked in, biting their lower lip.

“Maybe you’ll find a second for me, General?” They leaned against the door, watching him. They knew that even if he didn’t raise his head from maps, he knew it was them. They smiled at how his black kefta perfectly wrapped his tall body.

“Make it quick. I have a war to win.” They sighed and came closer to him, gently touching his elbow. When he didn’t change his position, they dared to lean against him, resting their cheek on his arm. They could tell that he was tense, and they hated it.

“I know, handsome, and you’re doing an amazing job. But even you, great General Kirigan, need some rest. And I saw you at the training yard.”

“You saw me?” He said mockingly. “You seemed busy with this Heartrender.” He moved away, taking his arm from their grip, and they looked at him surprised. They laughed breathlessly, standing in front of him.

“With Fedyor? He is only my friend. A very close friend, who was the first one to welcome me here with open arms and who made me feel at home here.” They said with a small smile, which faded when he constantly pretended they were not there. “If you want to accuse me of something, say it aloud rather than shutting me out.” When he heard the sadness in their voice, he stopped moving, and his eyes landed on the war figures in front of him. After a few seconds, he breathed deeply.

“Are they really ‘just a friend’?” He murmured without raising his head.

“Of course, they are just a friend. If you want to know, Fedyor lately was on a few dates with a person you know very well.”

“With who?” Alexander knew about their love for gossip. With time he discovered that it brought both of them joy, so he started encouraging them to spill a bean about it. He also wanted to be wholly sure that they were only his and that there wasn’t anybody else in their life.

“With your own personal Corporalki.” They couldn’t stop a big smile when he looked at them stunned.

“With Ivan?” They nodded, carefully watching his face. He started thinking about the latest behaviour of this man. “He was a little strange lately, in fact. Like… Happier.” They couldn’t stop the smile rising on their face, and once again, they tried to slowly touch his forearm. They breathed with relief when he didn’t move away this time.

“Because they are, both of them. Like I am happy when you are next to me because only our loved one can pull some of the strings in our hearts and make it beat faster in that specific way. So I will say it once again. They are only my friend. It’s YOU who has my heart.” They gently squeezed his arm, and finally, he moved closer to them with a look on his face reserved only for time when they were alone. His hands mindlessly moved to their hips, and in a quick move, he made them sit on the table behind them. They let the squeak leave their throat, making him smile widely at what they started laughing. Their hands slowly moved to rest on his shoulders, and one of them mindlessly started fidgeting with the ends of the hair on his neck.

“You… You made me happy, you know?” He whispered sheepishly, and they could only smile wider.

“I know. Were you jealous?” They bit her lips to stop grinning, especially when they saw a flush coming into his cheeks. He looked above them, trying to compose himself. Before he could answer, they leaned down and softly kissed his bearded cheek. “Please, don’t deny it. It actually… flatters me, you know? I… I always dreamed of having a person who would care for me enough to do it. Even if there isn’t any reason for that.”

The Darkling gently squeezed their hips, standing between their legs. His hand moved to their thigh, caressing it gently.

“I do care. Every single look from other men or women is enough to feel jealousy in me. To want to show all of them that you are mine.”

“And I always will be.” They whispered, and General immediately leaned down, kissing them deeply. One of his hands moved to the back of their head, gently moving it to allow him better access while the other kept them close. They moaned into his lips, wrapping one leg around him, wanting to feel every centimetre of his body. They were so lost in each other that they didn’t hear the knock on the door or that somebody had walked in. They were too busy unfastening his kefta to care about anything. Poor Ivan closed the door quicker than he ever opened them. After a moment of shock, Corporalki felt happiness for his General and his friend - even a dark soul like him deserved some light and love in the arms of a trusted person.

Author’s note: Thank you so much for reading! If it’s not too much trouble, I would love to hear your thoughts about it. Any feedback is greatly appreciated and motivate me to work.

I am sorry about every grammar mistake and misspellings. English is not my first language.

Klaudia 💜

Taglists are always open! If you want to be added fill this up or send me an ask!

726 notes · View notes

blackwood4stucky · 3 months

Text

tell me a lie to keep me in line, you swear it's a sign but it's the tortured who rise | aspen blackwood

series: blade of nightshade, be my strength not my ruin

james “bucky” barnes x steve rogers | mcu

🅼 | word count: 2,336 | complete

tags: all souls x mcu fusion, pre-stucky, steve-centric, omegaverse, paranormal creatures, body horror-adjacent, bucky barnes-implied

A tale of struggle and pride, desire and blood, longing and suffering, and the discovery of a witch.

@badthingshappenbingo | I have your loved one

@fandombingo: mcu card | free space

@fandombingo: rpf card | sidhe

@fandom-free-bingo: flight edition | betrayal, passing out from pain, torture

@fandom-free-bingo: valentine’s edition | alternate - omegaverse au

febuwhump | alt: 6 - immortality

@multifandom-flash: round 3 [3013] | blinded by rage

@stuckybingo [5080] | b3: skinny steve + amethyst [february prompt]

snippet: “The day I presented as an alpha was one that was rejoiced throughout the village. The sickly, little asshole I had become known as, had finally become a man… My mother and father certainly never warned me of the pain that I would have to endure to become one of them…”

read: ao3 | ffn | sqwa

mini playlist

bucky’s prequel

11 notes · View notes

marvelmusing · 4 months

Text

Keep Your Judgement

Chapter Sixteen

Pairing: Aleksander Morozova x Fem!Reader

Summary: Theories about merzost, the very boundary of your powers, and your relationship with Aleksander are all put to the test as everything comes to a head.

Warnings: canon level violence, mentions of death and violence, animal death

A/N: this is a pretty hefty chapter, but I hope it makes up for the wait - enjoy!

My Masterlist • Series Masterlist

The fox is absent from your mind and Aleksander is nowhere to be seen when you wake in an unfamiliar patch of forest. Ravka is in the midst of a cold spring, but the flowers around you now are in full summer bloom. The stone beneath you, the ruins of a small fortress, is warm against your bare feet.

When you stare too hard at the distance, everything blurs into a haze of generic woodland – trees and thick greenery. A blue butterfly flutters across your vision, swirling in a cheerful loop around you that makes you too dizzy to follow.

“What is this place?” you ask your only companion, the girl who had been by your side when you awoke. She turns away from the rose bush she had been admiring, pale blue eyes wide and curious as she looks at you.

“You’re the durast; I was hoping you would have an explanation.”

“You’re Grisha?” She nods with a small smile, her eyes falling onto your hand. There’s a freshly healed scar across your palm, where you had cut yourself to reverse Morozova’s blood lock. “A healer.” She nods again and you close your fist, flexing your fingers. “Thank you.”

“It’s the best I could do. I never quite had the time to master tailoring before I died.”

“Died?” you repeat. She nods and you feel the blood run out of your face. “Am I dead too?”

She tilts her head, examining you for a moment.

“I don’t think so.”

That doesn’t reassure you. Desperate for some answers, you slump down onto the stone steps, tucking your knees up to your chest.

“What’s your name?” you ask her.

“Luda.”

She sits down beside you as you give her your name.

“Do you mind me asking, how did you die?”

“I was stabbed by one of the King’s soldiers.”

“When was this?”

Her brows crease together into a small frown, her head tilted aside.

“I’m not sure. I think time works differently here.”

History lessons at the Little Palace weren’t always your favourite, but perhaps you could figure out when Luda was still alive.

“What was the name of the king?”

“Anastas.”

“Oh.”

She’s quiet, eyes watching your reaction intently.

“Was that a long time ago?” she asks, though you suspect from her tone she already knows the answer.

You nod.

“Before the Fold.”

“What’s the Fold?”

You blink at her. The Fold is such a vital piece of Ravka’s history. A key feature on every map. A shadow that has been hanging over your country for your entire life. The idea of someone not knowing about it, of living in a Ravka without a mass of shadow dividing it, baffles you for a moment.

Luda listens intently, eyes wide as you describe the Fold and the state of your modern-day Ravka. There are tears in her eyes when you tell her about the Little Palace, your voice filled with nostalgia as you recount stories of your childhood – vastly different from hers. She’s sympathetic when you explain your struggles with helping Aleksander.

She tells you about the witch hunts and how she was cast out of her village at the age of six. With a melancholy smile on her face, she tells you about the man she loved, who had helped her rescue countless Grisha. It reminds you of Aleksander, which you mention to her.

It takes quite some time for the two of you to realise that her Aleksander is the same man as your Aleksander. But once you do, you’re both stunned. Luda is desperate to hear about him and you can see her heart break when you tell her how much he has suffered.

“Baghra warned him not to use merzost,” she admits. “Countless times.”

“Morozova used it,” you reason.

“Only to create his amplifiers. Aleksander is too selfless. He won’t see an issue with killing himself to keep the people he cares for safe.”

The two of you are quiet as you consider her words. Aleksander is selfless to a fault. There is nothing he wouldn’t do to keep you and the other Grisha safe. He has proved that time and time again, killing him piece by piece each day. You only hope that you might be able to save him from such a tragic fate, if you ever return to reality.

“I think he’s here for you.”

Frowning, you turn to follow Luda’s gaze and find the fox – your fox – at the edge of the woods. He trots over the grass, heading directly towards you. It feels like a piece of your soul has clicked back into place as the fox threads his way through your legs.

Luda seems cautious despite her curiosity, her hand hovering above the fox’s body.

“Go on,” you encourage her softly. “He won’t hurt you.”

“He’s beautiful,” she whispers, tracing her fingers lightly over his shimmering fur.

He tilts his head, looking up at you with his amber eyes.

“It isn’t our time yet, is it?” you say to him.

He shakes his head, taking your sleeve between his teeth and tugging you in the direction of the forest. As you stand, intending on following the fox, Luda calls your name.

“Aleksander,” she says, her voice wavering as she grips onto your hands. “Tell him… tell him he did everything he could. It wasn’t easy, but I’ve made my peace with the time I had.”

Swallowing hard, you tighten your hold on her.

“You should have had longer.”

She smiles softly, cupping your cheek with a fond affection in her eyes.

“I can see why he loves you.”

You don’t quite know what to say to her. Aleksander himself hasn’t even told you that he loves you. His actions have shown how much he cares for you, but he has yet to say the words themselves. Having someone state it so confidently makes you bashful.

“He still loves you,” you say. Her expression turns dismissive, but you shake your head to stop her next words. “He isn’t the kind of man to let time or death stop his love.”

The corner of her mouth twitches with the hint of a smile, tears gathering in her eyes. In this moment, she looks delicate and emotion tugs at your heart, encouraging your own tears.

“If he ends up at the making before me,” you adjust your grip on her hands, staring down at them. “Take care of him.”

She nods, her smile unfaltering despite her tears.

“I have a feeling I won’t be seeing either one of you for quite some time.”

»»---------------------►

Sunlight warms your face, and you blink rapidly as your eyes adjust to the sudden brightness. A small groan catches in the back of your throat and you stretch your aching limbs and push yourself into a sitting position. From her seat at your bedside, Genya discards her book with a gasp, tossing it away in favour of throwing her arms around you.

Somewhat disarmed by the hug, you look around at your surroundings, slowly recognising the bedroom you had been using at the Grand Palace.

“Genya? What happened?”

She pulls back, examining your face. There’s a tension in her features and a heaviness in her eyes. Genya is always meticulous in maintaining her appearance, but now she looks almost disheveled. Tears glimmer in her eyes as she brushes a lock of hair from your forehead.

“Ivan found you and the General in the woods. He said you had escaped a fire.”

“Ivan?” Ivan is alive. Deep down, you’re thrilled for Fedoyr, but at the moment you have more pressing concerns vying for your attention.

“You almost died.”

Her statement has concern for Aleksander mounting in your chest.

“Where’s the General?” Her expression drops slightly and your stomach twists fearfully as your fingers curl around her wrist. “Genya? Tell me, please.”

“He’s still alive. We’ve had heartrenders monitoring him constantly-” Instantly, you push the bedcovers aside and begin to climb off the mattress. “-and a durast keeping the merzost from reaching his heart.”

Genya settles her hands on your shoulders, attempting to keep you in bed.

“I need to see him.”

“Let me get a healer to see to you first.”

You shake your head.

“No. I need to see him, now.”

Dressed in a velvet robe, you stride through the corridors towards the royal chambers which Aleksander had claimed as his own. Genya hurries to keep up with you, despite the burning ache in your lungs. The fox skitters nervously at the forefront of your mind, scratching anxiously at the frantic thoughts of Aleksander.

Four oprichniki stand guard outside his rooms, opening the doors for you immediately so that you can rush into his bedroom unhindered. Ivan and Fedoyr stand at the foot of the bed, with David sitting at Aleksander’s bedside with a tense expression, his hands clasped together as he keeps the merzost from entering Aleksander’s heart.

Then your eyes fall upon Aleksander himself. The urge to cry like a helpless child chokes you. Moving towards him slowly, you can’t find the strength to breathe.

He’s sickeningly pale, cold to the touch as you reach for his face carefully. He doesn’t stir like he usually would, seeking out your touch subconsciously, and you experience the horrific thought that you might be too late.

His amplification still reaches for your power and nausea fills you at the feeling of strength that flows from his weakened body to yours. Closing your eyes as you sit by his side on the edge of the bed, you attempt to redirect the power, hoping to find some way of giving him enough to fight off the merzost.

The arteries in his neck are dark and thick with merzost, throbbing beneath his skin. There’s a sheen of sweat covering his forehead, his dark brows furrowed with pain. Clasping your hands together, you focus on the merzost in his body, gasping when you feel the vastness of dark poison tainting his blood. It makes your lungs tighten, the back of your head pounding with each weak beat of Aleksander’s heart.

Emotion closes your throat as you lean over Aleksander, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. Gently, you smooth his hair back, threading your fingers lovingly through the matted locks. He’s still so motionless, and your hands shake as you trace your fingertips over his scars which have darkened considerably. Kissing his cheek, you whisper quietly against his ear,

“Hold on for me, Aleksander, please.”

Blinking back your tears, you straighten up, addressing the room,

“Bring me the sun summoner.”

Fedoyr nods, giving Ivan’s hand a squeeze before he moves towards the door to obey your order. There’s a large, jagged scar stretching across Ivan’s neck, directly over the apple of his throat, which you suspect is a token from his escape from the Fold. He – like Aleksander – is lucky to have survived the volcra.

“Thank you for saving us, Ivan.”

He nods in acknowledgement, his expression softening slightly as he observes you and Aleksander.

“Do you know what you’re doing?” Genya asks you, wringing her hands lightly.

“Not entirely,” you admit, rolling up the soft sleeves of your robe. “But I have a few theories.”

It isn’t long before you hear footsteps in the corridor outside as Fedoyr returns with Alina in tow.

“Fedoyr, hold her still.”

“What’s happening?” Alina asks, eyes bouncing frantically over each person in the room. None of you look at her.

“Quiet,” Ivan says firmly.

“Ivan,” you say. “Only stop me if he is about to die – and only then.” He nods solemnly. “Promise me.”

“I promise.”

Closing your eyes, you tighten your hold on Alina’s wrist and take Aleksander’s hand in your own, creating a physical bridge between the two of them.

»»---------------------►

It takes a few moments for you to realise where you are. The Little Palace. The sun is low, descending over the horizon as you walk down the corridors. The increasing darkness doesn’t scare you, this place is your home. There is only one place you can think of finding Aleksander.

During your time living at the Little Palace, you never actually set foot in Aleksander’s rooms, as an ordinary durast, you were never considered important enough for an audience with the General of the Second Army.

Pushing open the door to Aleksander’s chambers, you walk towards the figure seated in the armchair by the fire.

“Aleksander,” you sigh, filled with relief. “I thought it would be so much harder to find you.” He doesn’t turn at the sound of your voice and your stomach sinks as the silence rings between you. Each step you take is tentative as you move towards the chair, eyes trained on the dark head of hair. “Sasha?”

The figure stands and your steps falter.

“Alina.”

She’s wearing a black kefta and you feel sick at the sight of her in Aleksander’s colour. She frowns at you.

“It’s you, from the Spinning Wheel. Who are you?”

You shake your head minutely.

“No one.”

“Kirigan isn’t who you think he is.”

“I know exactly who he is.”

She lifts a hand, summoning a ball of sunlight which dances around her fingers. Her light is cooler than when you first saw it at the winter fete.

“And you stand beside him – knowing what he’s done?” Her voice is hard with anger and you know there will be no reasoning with her. Straightening yourself, you nod.

“I do.”

Small sparks flutter around her, the power fighting to be released. Then you realise, she doesn’t have full control of her second amplifier, meaning she is so much more dangerous than you anticipated. Slowly, you begin to back away.

She brings her hands together, wielding the light into a bright blade and you turn tail, running for the door. It slams shut behind you and mere seconds later the Cut slices through the wood.

Splitters burst from the broken door as it shatters from the force of Alina’s Cut, but you don’t dare to look backwards as you continue running. Knowing the corridors of the Little Palace so intimately gives you an advantage that you are quick to make use of, leaving Alina behind in the wake of her destruction.

As you lean against a window frame, attempting to catch your breath, your eyes are drawn to a light outside. There’s someone in Baghra’s hut. Aleksander. Rushing towards a door that opens into the courtyard at the side of the palace, you freeze in the doorway, staring out over the grass.

The open ground between the palace and Baghra’s hut means you will be vulnerable from all angles. Without the speed or heightened senses of the fox, you have no way of knowing if it is safe for you to move.

After a moment of steeling your nerves, you push away from the door, running as fast as you can across the courtyard. As soon as you make it to the grass, hope begins to fill you that you might make it to Baghra’s hut undetected and unharmed.

Then, there’s a galloping sound of hooves against grass, dirt spraying upwards, and you stumble at the sight of a stag barrelling out of the woods towards you. Halting your sprint has you swaying backwards, knocked to the ground by the momentum as you scramble away from the stag.

He’s large, colossal antlers raised aggressively at you as he snorts a warning. His pale fur stands out against the darkness, almost glowing in the pale moonlight as he stamps the ground territorially, blocking your route to Aleksander.

Despite your hurried retreat, he continues to stalk towards you and fear prickles over your skin. There is no way you can outrun such a creature. Mud sticks to your hands as you crawl backwards, eyes fixed on the stag as he begins to pick up the pace again, charging towards you with his antlers lowered to impale you.

There’s a flash of red fur and a familiar protective snarl. The fox. He’s come to save you. He barks and growls at the stag, weaving between his legs.

Terrified for the creature that has been a part of you for the last few months, you hold your breath and watch anxiously as the fox snaps at the stag. He turns to look at you, amber eyes locked on yours as he tilts his head as if to say: what are you still doing here? Go get him.

Shakily, you stumble to your feet, running around the warring creatures towards the hut at the tree line. Aleksander is sitting by the fire when you throw open the door.

“Aleksander,” you gasp.

He stands, wide eyed, rushing towards you as you throw yourself into his arms. He catches you immediately, coiling himself around you tightly as you grip onto him.

“You’re alive,” he murmurs, breathing deeply as he nestles himself closer to you.

“You are too,” you whisper, before adding, “Barely, because you used merzost again.”

He shrugs lightly, hiding his face in the crook of your neck.

“It was a small price to pay, to ensure you lived.”

“Aleksander. The only reason why I was able to create this tether is because you are frightfully close to joining the making at the heart of the world.”

“Is that what this is? A preliminary afterlife?”

You nod.

“I think so.”

His expression shatters, his knuckles stroking your cheek.

“You’re here to say goodbye.”

“You think I would let you go so easily?” He stares at you in confusion, and you lean forwards to press your forehead against his. “I’m here to save you.”

“How?”

“Merzost requires balance. The only solution I can think of is to reverse what happened in reality.” He frowns and you continue your explanation. “We get Alina to kill the stag, and I give you the antlers.”

“Kill the stag? What do you mean?”

“Look outside.”

Aleksander’s legs are shaky, and you need to keep your arm around his shoulders as he moves over towards the window. The fox and the stag are still fighting outside, their positions now reversed as the fox stands protectively at the entrance to Baghra’s hut.

“You certainly know how to pick an amplifier for someone,” you remark quietly with a wry laugh.

“He’s just as loyal as you,” Aleksander says in a soft murmur and heat warms in your chest.

Then you spot Alina approaching, her eyes fixed intently on the fox.

“I have to help him.”

“My love,” Aleksander says, curling his fingers around your wrist to prevent you from leaving. “Be careful, please.”

You nod, standing on tiptoe to press a kiss to his scarred cheek.

As you close the door behind you, Alina is tossing the Cut wildly in the direction of the fox. Instantly, you clasp your hands together, summoning your power to bend the stones and scraps of metal beneath the ground to create a makeshift shield for the fox. It shatters as soon as Alina’s light hits it, though it gives the fox the opportunity to escape. He scampers towards you, weaving between your legs.

“Are you alright?” you ask him. He nods, tilting his head back as you stroke your fingers through the fur beneath his chin.

Moving your attention over to Alina, you find her eyes bouncing between you and the fox – struggling to piece together how you hold such power over him. To get what you need to help Aleksander, you need to goad her into attacking the stag.

“You think Aleksander is the one mad for power, but you hadn’t even mastered your first amplifier before claiming another.”

She raises her chin at you.

“The stag chose me.”

“Did he?”

Doubt flickers over her face as she glances at the stag. He doesn’t seek her out like the fox does for you.

“The fox chose me. You’ve seen what we can do as one being.” Even in this tether space, where the two of you are physically separated, you and the fox are of one mind. He prowls at your ankles, keeping his eyes on Alina. “Claiming an amplifier is an exchange. They offer you their life, but you have to be the one to take it.”

She straightens herself, resolution in her eyes.

“Fine.”

Alina turns towards the stag, raising her hands slowly as her light shimmers around her. A shiver runs down your spine, and guilt settles in your stomach for a brief moment. Time seems to stand still, as a great blade of light shoots towards the stag. There’s a bright flash, as the light meets its mark and an earsplitting crack echoes through the air that makes your ears ring.

You don’t have to tell the fox your plan. As you sprint towards the unmoving body of the stag, the fox charges at Alina. The sound of them fighting makes you nervous, but you keep your focus on the task in front of you. Summoning a small Cut between your hands, you remove several pieces of the stag’s antlers, gathering together as much as you can carry before you stand and run back into Baghra’s hut.

In response to your arrival, Aleksander lowers himself onto the bed as you drag a chair over to the bedside with the antlers.

“Where do I need to put them?” you ask.

“Collarbones,” he states weakly.

Tugging at the collar of his shirt, you pull the fabric away as he loosens the buttons to reveal the top of his chest. As you settle the antler pieces over his collar bones with shaking hands, his fingers curl around your wrist.

“Are you sure about this?”

Shaking your head, you place your hand over his, squeezing it softly.

“Not at all.”

A weak smile quirks at the corner of his lips, then he nods.

“Do your best.”

Weaving your two hands together, you reach for your power and begin to merge the antlers with his bones. Aleksander grits his teeth at the foreign sensation, and you feel lightheaded at such an exertion. Relief prickles over your skin as Aleksander’s body seems to begin accepting the antlers. Most of the material sinks into him, leaving only a few sharp edges poking out.

There’s a sudden pain bursting over your face, that has stars sparkling over your vision and the sound of the fox whimpering outside has you glancing at the window, distracted. At the thought of Alina Cutting the fox, or burning him with her light, anxiety blooms in your chest and you’re tempted to check on him.

The pattering of paws against dirt soothes some of your concerns, as the fox comes barrelling into the hut. He scrambles into your lap, pressing his face against your chest as he pants heavily. Aleksander strokes his hand limply over the body of the fox, threading his fingers absentmindedly through his fur as he blinks heavily, staring unfocused up at the ceiling.

“You’re okay,” you rasp, lowering your chin onto the fox’s head as your heart pounds wildly, hands shaking as you focus on sealing Aleksander’s skin over the antlers. “We’re okay.”

There are only a few stray notches of bone, healed gnarly beneath Aleksander’s skin. The amplified has accepted him. With your hands free, you grasp onto Aleksander and the fox, holding onto them both in relief. Sweat drips over you both as you press your forehead against Aleksander’s. He kisses you breathlessly, a proud smile on his face as he murmurs,

“Take us home.”

»»---------------------►

Indecipherable voices overlap one another. Your vision blurs. There’s an ache in your head, throbbing as you sway in your seat. It takes several seconds for you to realise where you are, perched on the edge of Aleksander’s bed. The people around you are blurry; only one of them brings your vision into focus. There’s a hoarseness to your throat as you whisper,

“Aleksander.”

He blinks at you, sitting up in his bed as you move towards him. He curls his arms tight around you, griping onto your body with every ounce of strength he possesses. He breathes deeply, and you begin to sob when you realise there’s no unsettling rattle from his lungs. There’s a healthy flush over his cheeks and the dark skeins of merzost are nowhere to be seen.

Aleksander rocks you back and forth, tears in his own eyes as he presses his face into your hair. His words are muffled, but they hold a familiar sense of command as he addresses the room,

“Thank you for your assistance, everyone. Leave us for a moment.”

They are all quiet as they leave the room and Aleksander pulls you back down under the covers, guiding you into his embrace. He strokes your hair, holding you close as you bury your face into his chest. He watches you blink tiredly, exhaustion making your limbs heavy as you cling to him.

“Sleep, my love,” he murmurs. “You’ve done so much for me.” Sleepily, you tighten your grip on him.

“You’re not going to die, are you?”

His lips brush against your forehead in a delicate kiss.

“Not today.”

»»---------------------►

marvelmusing Tag List: @dreamlandcreations @blanchedelioncourt @idaofinfinity @slytherheign @ellooo0ooo @vixenofcourse @dumb-fawkin-bitch @jane-arthur @ilikefictionmen @budugu @watersquirtpewpewboomm @mysweetlittledesire

S&B Tag List: @motheroffae @daddymaster21

Aleksander M Tag List: @nyctophiliiiiaaa @jazmin2211 @wooya1224 @seronsalk

KYJ Tag List: @tartiflvtte @weepingwitchofthewest @poemfreak306 @writerloversjm @prochnost513 @meg-the-second-greatest @allinestarr @bwormie @aoi-targaryen @wonderland2425

BB Characters Tag List: @rachlovesactors @noortsshift @aikeia @weallhaveadestiny @two-unbeatable-beaters @idohknow @vaguekayla

#keep your judgement au #aleksander morozova x reader #aleksander morozova #the darkling x reader #the darkling au #the darkling fic #shadow and bone x reader #shadow and bone au

121 notes · View notes

hausblackwood · 26 days

Text

check out what I was listening to as I wrote this piece of flash fiction!

the devil and the huntsman x daniel pemberton

madness x ruelle

before im dead x kidneythieves

dopamine x american dream machine & loveless

swine x demi lovato

#musicblr #haus blackwood #haus music #haus of the blackened wood #darkling fics #fantastical tales #playlist #aspen’s fics

0 notes

crvptidgf · 9 months

Text

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐫'𝐬 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐭

general kirigan x fem!reader

summary: the darkling arrives to your room late in the night, right after the winter fete

warnings/notes: making out, very slight sexual content 18+, heavily inspired by what could’ve happened with alina and aleksander the night of the fete, book descriptions of the Darkling (?)

requested?: sort of @loversmantra

————————

You had been waiting in your room all night long. Aleksander had been long gone from the fete, and you soon followed as you jumped at the first chance to leave the Grand Palace. It wasn’t that you didn’t enjoy your time - you really did. The performances were amazing, and you had been incredibly proud of Alina’s progress with her powers; you knew she could do it.

Yet the memory of being in the Queen’s sitting room, pushed up against the double doors as Aleksander’s hands inched up your thighs feverishly didn’t leave your mind the whole night. You clenched your thighs together for what felt like the millionth time that night. You desperately explained your excuse and bid your farewells to your friends before sneaking out of the Palace undetected.

“Can I visit you tonight?” he had asked. He looked around the corridor, holding the door open as he prepared to leave you, disheveled and needy in the Queen’s lounge area.

All you could muster was a nod, too embarrassed to speak under his intense gaze.

Now, you stood in your room with bated breath as you waited for his supposed arrival. Perhaps you were foolish for believing that he’d ever want you - need you.

But you wanted to believe. And so you did. As you waited, and waited, and waited, you began to lose hope. Of course it was too good to be true - maybe that was all you two were destined to be, a quick, silly make-out on the outskirts of a ravishing party.

You scolded yourself as you pulled off your skirts and slippers, unbuttoning your kefta and throwing them atop your dressing screen. Grabbing your white night gown, you fitted it over your head before making your way towards your bed.

Your mind wandered yet again as you reminisced on the night you just had.

His lips were pressed directly on your pulse - kissing, nipping, licking any inch of skin he could reach. Hands were pawing at your hips and waist, lifting your skirt to wrap one leg around his waist before he began massaging into you slowly, gently.

One hand kept you balanced against the door while the other roamed across your bare thigh, getting closer to where you needed him most.

Your collarbone was attacked by kisses as he dragged his teeth along the flesh, earning a satisfied gasp from you.

Suddenly, he stopped.

Voices could be heard down the hallway, footsteps getting tantalizingly close to the doorway you were currently pushed up against. Aleksander’s hand came to press against the door right next to your head.

You stalled your breathing, doing everything in your power to not lean into him, to not roll your hips against his.

You sighed as you wrapped your silk and fur covers around yourself, trying to subdue your disappointment. What did you honestly expect? He was The Darkling. He had things to do, and prettier girls fawning over him. Hell, he had the Sun Summoner at his fingertips.

Yet as you began to close your eyes to drift into an uneasy sleep, a low knock came at your door. It was so quiet that you almost thought you had imagined it.

Another knock sounded and you stuffed your feet into your fur lined slippers before walking to the door.

Unlocking it, you were immediately met with complete darkness, save for Aleksander’s icy eyes piercing through the blackness. He was here. Maybe you weren’t so stupid after all. His domineering aura made you shift in place as you stepped aside to let the leather clad man enter your room.

“You’re here,” you said blindly. What a stupid sentence. Of course he was here, he was unmistakably standing right in-front of you, his dark head of hair being ruffled by his hand as he ran his fingers through it.

“Did you ever doubt that I wouldn’t be?” he said as he raised an eyebrow at you.

Closing the door and locking it once again, you turned to face him. You wanted to lie, to cover up the fact that you were staying up all night waiting for him. Yet as you looked into his intense gray eyes, you just couldn’t.

“A little.”

He advanced towards you, and you suddenly felt very exposed in your night wear. His hand came to grab at yours, holding it tightly. A wave of confidence rushed through you, and you could practically feel your heart rate picking up times ten.

“I’m sorry for leaving so suddenly,” he said as his hand came to rest at the nape of your neck.

Stepping closer towards him, you responded. “You’re here now.”

And with that, you grabbed at his collar as you connected your lips to his, all the desperation from tonight melting into the kiss. Your patience was wearing thin, but knowing him, he wasn’t going to give in easily. Sasha had a knack for pushing people to the edge. His inhuman amount of patience annoyed you at times, but he always made it worth your time.

His hands were on you in an instant, gripping your nightgown, the back of your hair, everything. As his mouth hungrily chased down your neck, you were pushed against the door for the second time tonight.

Gently tugging his hair to unlatch him from the side of your neck, you pulled his lips back up to meet yours in a flurry mess of teeth and tongue clashing together.

You could feel his touch times ten now that you were rid of your kefta and extra outerwear. Everywhere he touched granted you a new set of goosebumps, and as his hand reached up to grasp at your hips, you leaned into him more. There was something so intoxicating about him.

This little midnight rendezvous filled you with excitement. Pulling away from you, he began to speak once again.

“It pained me to have to leave you in there alone, you know,” he muttered against your lips as he heaved you up so you could wrap your legs around his waist.

“Well then make it up to me.”

With your back pressed against the mattress, and his tall stature standing over you, you knew tonight would be a good night.

- - -

141 notes · View notes

thestarkster1465 · 1 year

Text

SAB S2: shows the darkling choking alina to show how toxic their relationship has become

Darklina fans:

#we wanted to show that kirigan's mask is finally off and all that remains is this etc etc etc #darklina #the darkling #alina starkov #shadow and bone #shadow and bone season 2 #the interviews are like #meanwhile the darklina tag on ao3 probably has more kinky fics than all the malina fics put together

363 notes · View notes

barbarianbookhoe · 28 days

Note

I have a very sad angsty plot. How would the Darkling react when Y/N loses someone very important to them? I think he would comfort them as much as he could, and he would know how it would feel because he has lost people in the past.

Oh. My. God. I'm such a slut for angst, thanks for the idea!

Understand

TW: slight swearing, mention of death, angst, grief

[A/n: In this he loses Baghra a lot sooner.]

The silence was deafening. Smoke and fire blurred their vision, time seeming to move too slow and too fast all at once. They didn't know if they were hurt or not, or who the blood on their hands belonged to, and it scared them.

Some noises became clearer for them, as they tried to get themselves up from the ground. They only managed to get into a sitting position, their ears throbbing while doing so. They could distantly hear the muffled yells and the sound of horses neighing.

They didn't pay much attention to the familiar, dark figure getting closer to them. With fear taking a hold of their mind, they began running as fast as their sore legs allowed. They didn't know how far or how fast they moved, nor did they care anymore.

They collapsed just a few steps in front of their limp body. Or was he a corpse now? How long ago had he separated from them? How many injuries did he already had?

Why was he always so fucking stubborn?

The camp was full of injured Grisha, some of their cries so loud they could be heard all over the place. Y/N didn't know how they got into the infirmary tent, nor how they were here, walking to one of the horses to take them back to the Little Palace. They didn't remember how much time passed since they saw the body, or corpse, or whatever he was now.

They felt someone's hand on their shoulder and when they looked up, they saw Alexander staring at them with worry in his eyes.

"How are you feeling? You've been walking around like a ghost the past week," he lightly squeezed their shoulder, trying to give them some sort of comfort.

A week? They've already been here a week?

"I feel, I don't know. There's so many things I should be feeling, but I don't feel any of them. There's just...emptiness." They told him and he looked at them with some sort of understanding, nodding once.

"I know what you're feeling. It's the aftermath of a fight, where you're just, in your head, trying to keep everything inside. I understand if-"

"You don't understand." Y/N told them confidently, finding the strength to their voice for the first time in days. "You will never understand what I'm feeling, Kirigan."

Alexander looked at them with slight surprise, but it was quickly washed away by the mix of anger and confusion at the mention of their fake name. Kirigan. Y/N never called them that, not when they first got here, nor ever since then, only when they were furious with him.

"You should watch your words, soldier. Anyone could hear you talking like this. You wouldn't like to explain yourself to them, would you?" His tone deep and dark, almost threatening, Y/N understood now why they called him The Darkling.

They stared at them for a moment before speaking up, trying to keep their tears from showing. "You will never understand what I'm feeling. You do not have the heart for it, Darkling."

They whispered the last word, watching as his face darkened, his eyes representing a black abyss you could get lost in. Y/N didn't wait for their response. With a swift move, they got up on their horse and caught up to the Grishas ahead of her, even getting to the front of the line, trying to get away from him.

Not because of fear or anger, but before he could see how quickly they fell apart.

It was a few weeks after they arrived back at the Little Palace. They were trying to get back to their life before, despite knowing it will never be the same. The first week they didn't leave their room, not for eating, not for bathing, not for doing anything. Then, the second week they couldn't stay far enough from their bed. They were willing to participate in anything that would keep them moving, doing something, so that they wouldn't have to sleep.

The weeks after that, every day was different. Some days they stayed in their room, silently grieving, trying to muster the energy to get out of bed, other days they couldn't stay still for more than five minutes.

But above all, they made sure they wouldn't have to cross paths with the Darkling. They knew he didn't do anything wrong, he was just trying to be protective, he wasn't even angry, just worried. Y/N knew all of this. And yet, they couldn't face him, nor did they try to.

Until one night in the garden, when Y/N decided to take a walk. They were out alone, most of the Palace already asleep, or heading to sleep. Alexander was watching them from just a few feet away, that couldn't even be considered stalking, with him standing out in the open.

He wasn't wearing his usual attire, the kefta and robe gone, just in his boots, pants and the top of his dark shirt unbuttoned. He made a few steps closer,not even trying to hide himself from them, but they had to be deep in their mind not to notice when he called out to them.

Y/N, without noticing, made their way to him, getting closer with each step. When they finally looked up and saw him, their steps faltered. They stopped just two meters in front of them, trying to gather their thoughts before speaking. And failing to do so.

Alexander spoke up with the outmost sincerety, on a voice so soft and full of care, that it made everything inside Y/N quiet down.

"I know, that you've been avoiding me as much as you could, but I, I just can't keep going on like this." Without hesitating, he stepped closer to them, not giving them time to back out. "Was it something I did? Or said? I just want to know what made you bolt from the camp-"

"Shut up," Y/N mumbled to themself, not loud enough for him to hear, so he kept going.

"And you know, I've been keeping myself composed every hour, but I'm just guessing about what the fuck happened that made you so scared that-"

"Shut up!"

Silence.

A quick, sharp exhale.

A shaky inhale.

"You do not have to know everything. Just let me be!" Y/N said and tried to get past him, but he lightly grabbed their arm and turned to face them. "Then tell me what's wrong and I'll leave it! Tell me anything, just please talk to me!"

Y/N looked at them trying to keep their tears from falling, trying to think of something to say, to get them away.

It seemed that whatever went through their mind, it disappeared as soon as Alexander looked at them with their eyes gleaming in the moonlight.

"What hurt you this much?" He asked, almost pleading to get a word out of them. And as soon as he lightly took their face in his hands, the gates opened.

The tears streamed down Y/N's face and they began to sob uncontrollably, yet still trying to keep themself composed.

"He didn't listen to me, when I, when I told him, that, that-" they began, but soon found themself wrapped in the arms of him. Their whole body went limp at the touch, and a second later they were holding onto him as if their life depended on it. Grabbing their back so tight, their fingers turned white.

"Just let it out, let it all out," he whispered as he softly stroked the back of their head. "I'm here for you."

They tried to put their thoughts in order, to give him at least some coherent answer, to tell him their brother was gone. With the emptiness finally coming to an end, all of their emotions came rushing back in waves, each one bigger than the one before.

They didn't know how long they stood there, crying into his shoulder, holding him to keep themself from falling apart completely. When they felt the tears stop, their eyes becoming dry, they pulled away from him just enough to look at him.

"My brother, he was with me in the fight. But then, then we had people attacking both of us, and he, umm, provoked them to get them away from me, and uh," Y/N bitterly laughed as they sniffed. "Then I have his dagger in my hand and, and then I'm yelling at him, to stay beside me, but uh, he didn't, didn't listen."

They sniffed again trying to stop the next wave of tears from falling, some of those tears escaping, but Alexander put his hands on their cheeks to keep them grounded. Y/N took some deep breath and continued.

"Next thing I know is that, is that my hands are soaked in blood, and I'm sitting right beside...my brother's...corpse, oh Saints-" they began to hyperventilate, trying to breathe, but just getting themself even more worked up.

"Look at me, hey, look at me," Alexander says as he's grabbing your shoulders to do as he said. "Alright, breathe with me, okay?" They nod and try to match his movements, feeling their heartbeat slow after a couple of minutes.

"I'm just, so angry at him." They whisper as they finally calm down. "I feel like he died on purpose, just to provoke me, but then I get annoyed because, of course he wouldn't listen to me! He's just so fucking stubborn!" They take a quick inhale and continue despite the crack in their voice.

"And then, I get sad, because it feels like I've lost a piece of myself, and now I have a bruise on my heart in the shape of my brother, and I miss him and I just wish I could've done something to-"

"And it is not your fault!" He tells them firmly and they look up at him unconvinced. "None of this is your fault. You did everything you could to keep him safe. But sometimes, it doesn't matter what you did or didn't do. Sometimes it just happens, even if you do everything and more than you can."

He looks at them with a painful face, as if remembering a memory. A painful one. Neither of you speak for the next few minutes, just gathering yourselves to talk.

"You sound like you have experience in the matter. You lost someone too, didn't you? Someone very close to you," Y/N said and looked at him, only to see grief written all over his face.

"There's not a day that goes by without thinking about them. My family, my friends, my love. I mean, most of them happened decades, even centuries ago and yet, if I close my eyes I can picture everything. Every detail."

He's speaking as if he's telling them a secret, telling them something he's been afraid of to admit. And they understand. They finally understand, just how much theyhurt him with their words in the camp.

"I'm sorry about what I said. I was so, so wrong." They take a step closer to him, making him look at them. "You do have a heart, maybe bigger than most people. And you do understand what I'm feeling. The only difference is that you probably didn't have anyone to comfort you."

He looks at them with question in his eyes, the hidden tears evident in the moonlight. He takes a shaky inhale as they softly wrap them in a hug, just like he did minutes ago.

"Now I'm here. You have me now, Alexander. I'm here for you."

And even though he's spent most of his life hiding beneath a mask, a disguise, for so long that they began to adjust and thrive in the loneliness it brought upon him, the Darkling took a minute to stop.

He took a minute to stop, and let a piece of himself fall apart, and cry.

Y/N, still holding him, told themself that their grief might never go away, it might never leave forever, it might try to eat them up alive, but they were going to get through it, day by day.

And now they had someone to hold onto.

#grishaverse #shadow and bone #shadow and bone fanfiction #six of crows #the darkling x reader #the darkling #ben barnes #alexander morozova #ruin and rising #siege and storm #grishaverse fic

39 notes · View notes

criminalamnesia · 1 year

Text

This is me trying

summary: the last time you saw Nikolai, he told you he never wanted to see you again. now, you’re standing outside his door.

warnings: angst, brief mentions of torture (not explicit), reader is manipulated by the darkling, tidemaker!reader, not proofread, gender neutral reader

author’s note: me? writing more Nikolai while listening to Taylor swift? it’s more likely than you think. this one was inspired by “this is me trying.” listen to it while reading for the full experience :))

The last time you had seen Nikolai, he had told you he never wanted to see you again.

Now, here you are, standing in front of the door to his quarters. You would laugh if you weren’t so terrified of how he was going to react.

Would he still be mad? Would he scream at you, tell at you to get out? No, you thought. He wouldn’t do that.

But maybe time had changed him. He had still been a wild prince when you had last seen him– taking careless risks and throwing himself to the front of every battle. He had inspired you to be better– and you had been, for a time, but you weren’t Nikolai.

You did not have his heart. You did not have his resilience or kindness or grace. You were a burnt-out grisha who had abandoned her post. You were an outcast, a deserter, a failure.

Would he see that?

You inhaled deeply, your fist raised to knock. It hovered above the white wood of the door, shaking slightly. You shut your eyes tightly, willing yourself to knock. Your fist did not move.

“What are you doing?”

The sound of Nikolai’s voice had startled you, causing the bubble of water you’d been manipulating to pop. You groaned as it fell in droplets back into the lake.

“Saints, Nikolai, when did you get so quiet?” You huffed, lowering your outstretched hands and turning around to face him.

He was still in his First Army attire. He must’ve just gotten back from whatever front he’d been at this time– probably the northern. The Fjerdans had been causing problems lately.

“I was quite loud, actually. Maybe you were just too focused on your bubble.” He grinned, opening his arms to you. You rolled your eyes, stepping forward and into his embrace.

He wrapped his arms around you, squeezing you tightly. You gave a breathless laugh at his strength.

“I’m happy to see you too, Nik. But you’re going to squeeze me to death–” you said, earning a laugh from him before he mercifully dropped his arms.

You stepped back, giving him a wide smile. He smiled in return, looking you up and down. “New Kefta?” He questioned.

You nodded, subconsciously tugging at one of your sleeves. “The Fabrikators have been trying to incorporate stronger material into the Keftas to make them more protective. Guess I’m lucky they’re doing it now,” you gave a small laugh, but it wasn’t joyful.

Nikolai frowned, his eyebrows raising in confusion. “What do you mean?”

You inhaled, glancing at his face before looking down to your hands. Your hands, which held so much power. Your hands, that would soon be stained with blood.

“The General is sending some of the Second Army up to the northern front. The Fjerdan witch hunters have been abducting the grisha stationed there. He wants us to go put an end to it.”

Nikolai slowly shook his head. “That doesn’t make sense. I was just up there– we didn’t hear about any of that.”

“This is a grisha matter, Nik. The General thought it best for it to stay within the Little Palace. I shouldn’t even be telling you.”

“So he’s sending you up there?” Nikolai scoffed. “To what, be abducted like the rest? He should be sending his heartrenders–”

“Nikolai, this may be hard for you to hear, but I’m not who I was when you left. You’ve been gone for months. My abilities have grown– the General is impressed with my skills. This is a chance to show him he wasn’t wrong in showing me favor.”

“So, what, you’re one of his henchmen now? You know what happens to the grisha he ‘favors’–”

“I don’t want to talk about this any more, Nikolai.” You interrupted, holding up a hand. You knew he was right. You knew about Genya. About Zoya. About all the other grisha the Darkling took a shining too. But the Darkling’s favor came with better training, higher status. It made you stronger.

You knew you had to tread carefully, but you were tired of watching Nikolai ride off to battle and doing nothing about it. Now, you could help your prince and your country with your powers, and if Nikolai didn’t understand that, then so be it.

Before he could speak again, you continued. “I’m supposed to be at the stables now, anyway. We’re leaving soon. I don’t know when I’ll be back,” you admitted, meeting Nikolai’s gaze. “We can talk about it when I return.”

He swallowed his protests and nodded. “Good luck, then.”

You could hear movement behind the heavy wooden doors. Even at this late hour, Nikolai was still awake. It didn’t surprise you– he had always been a night owl, even when you were children.

You used to sneak away from the Little Palace in the middle of the night and meet Nikolai wherever you could. The gardens, the kitchens, the lake. The pair of you would always make it a challenge to see who could stay up longer, wanting to spend as much time together as you could before sleep took you. Nikolai always won.

You took another deep breath. You had foolishly hoped that he would be asleep– even though you knew he wouldn’t be– so you could have an excuse as to why you didn’t come to see him.

You knew he had to know you were here. Someone had to have told him– probably one of the heartrender twins. They had been keeping a watchful eye on you since you had arrived, and you couldn’t quite blame them.

Perhaps Alina had told him. Even though there was no way she could know your past with Nikolai, maybe she had mentioned who she was traveling with to him. You knew he couldn’t forget you, wouldn’t forget you– just like you with him.

You returned from the northern border a month later, and Nikolai barely recognized you.

You were different– and that, he understood. Battle changed even the best of people. But what happened to you, whatever it was, had made you someone different. Someone colder, darker.

He had heard whispers of what had happened to you up there. You refused to talk to him about it– when you talked to him at all. It was hard to get a word in with you seeing as you were constantly training, or right under the Darkling’s nose.

What you had done, what you had seen, Nikolai couldn’t imagine. The servants that went between the Little and Grand Palaces whispered. They said only about half of the grisha sent to the front came back, you amongst them. They said unspeakable things had happened there– the witch hunters had tortured your fellow grisha– even you.

They said you had drained the life from the men that did that to you and the other grisha, leaving them a deflated heap on the snowy ground– and even when they begged for mercy, you did not stop.

You continued to be sent out after that. The Darkling sent you wherever he could– the border of Shu-Han, on an expedition to Ketterdam, right into Fjerda to rescue taken grisha. Each time you returned, you lost more of yourself. You spoke less to Nikolai.

He was worried, and who wouldn’t be? His best friend had become someone– something unrecognizable. He finally cornered you one day before he was to leave on a journey to Kerch. Little did his family know that he was actually going to begin another escapade as Sturmhond.

“You need to come with me,” he had told you, one of his hands reaching forward to grasp yours. The pair of you were hidden away in the cluster of trees by the lake. You were supposed to be leaving soon for another assignment. Nikolai should’ve already been gone, but he couldn’t leave without seeing you.

You glanced down at his hands on yours. You looked back up at him, his expression pleading as his eyes all but begged you. You only shook your head.

“The General needs me. I’m leaving for Ketterdam in the morning.” You said, and Nikolai shook his head.

“Please, listen to me. The General is destroying you– I’ve heard the stories. You’re someone your younger self would’ve been terrified of,” he frowned, squeezing your hands.

“I’m stronger,” you replied. “And i’m fulfilling my purpose– just as you did. You went off with the First Army, and now I’m doing the same with the Second. I’m fighting for Ravka– for grisha– and I’m someone the General trusts. He isn’t destroying me, Nikolai. I won’t let him.”

“He has blinded you. He has made you powerful, yes, but he’s made you cold. Dark. Remember when we used to meet in the garden at night? When we talked about everything. When it was just us.” He said, and you nodded. “You told me once that you didn’t want to be another one of his pawns. That you would never let yourself fall for his honeyed words.”

You scoffed, rolling your eyes as you pulled your hands from Nikolai’s grasp. “And I’ve kept my word. I haven’t,” you said through your teeth, almost as if you were fighting to convince yourself you were right.

“You have. He’s put you on a pedestal, made you someone you never should’ve become. He’s a monster, and he’s making–”

You gave a humorless laugh, cutting him off. “He’s making me a monster? Is he?” You said, crossing your arms. “He’s given me what I need to do what I need to do. If that makes me a monster, so be it.”

“And those witch hunters you killed, what you did to them– that wasn’t monstrous?”

“That was deserved,” you said. Nikolai took a step back.

“You know that it wasn’t. You’re not that kind of person.”

“You don’t know what they do,” you spat, arms falling to your sides, fists clenched in anger. “You didn’t see what I saw. You played Prince in the first army, when the worst thing that happens is a shot to the shoulder. I watched them,” your voice wavered slightly. “I watched them burn my friends alive. Feed them to their wolves. All of my friends– their screams are etched into my memory. Those Fjerdans deserved worse than what I did,” you spat. “And I’d do it over and over again. And if you can’t understand that, then you need to leave, Nikolai.”

“I’ve seen horrors, too. It’s not a contest,” he spoke, his brows furrowed. “But I didn’t let it do to me what it’s done to you.”

“No, of course not.” You said. “The second son, forever trying to prove he’s not just a bastard.”

You instantly regretted the words as soon as they left your mouth, but it was too late to take them back. Nikolai gave a short nod, his hands moving to straighten his shirt.

“This time, when you leave,” he said, his gaze boring into you. “Don’t let me see you again if you come back.”

More movement could be heard behind the door. You felt tears welling up in your eyes as you dropped your fist. You couldn’t face him. It had been a few years, but you were sure he remembered your last conversation all to well. He wouldn’t want to see you.

Even though you had spent every day since deserting the Second Army regretting your last words to him, regretting what you had become, wishing you could see Nikolai again, you were still scared to knock.

You had been awful, and he had been right. The Darkling had manipulated you, just like he had with Genya. With Zoya. With Alina. You just another girl who fell for his manipulation and his lies– who allowed him to make you into something you hated. He had turned a blind eye at your suffering. He used your powers for his own agenda. He had lied, had abused you– and you had ruined the best thing you had had because of his influence.

You didn’t know if Nikolai was aware that when you left for Ketterdam, you never came back to Ravka. You had deserted the Second Army after that assignment, after seeing things you would never be able to wipe from your memory.

And while you were running from place to place, hiding from Kerch slavers or Shu-Han experimenters or Fjerdan witch hunters, you realized that Nikolai was right. Your powers had gone from a comfort to a reminder of the terrible things you had done. You were no longer the General’s star pupil, no longer that naive little tidemaker that snuck away in the middle of the night to watch the stars with the Prince.

You were tired, and in the midst of trying to piece yourself back together from everything you had suffered over the years, you had been roped into helping the Sun Summoner. Perhaps you had agreed to help her to atone– to try and forgive yourself. To begin righting your wrongs.

And now you were standing in the Grand Palace, a place you’d never thought you’d see again– standing outside of your once-friend’s quarters.

“Saints,” you whispered to yourself, shaking your head to try and disperse the anxious thoughts crowding it. “Why is this harder than battle?”

You raised your hand again, and finally, you knocked.

Nothing. You exhaled a breath you didn’t know you’d been holding. Nikolai must’ve gone to sleep–

The doors creaked opened to reveal the prince, his blond hair tousled– probably from running his hands through it as he thought (it was a nervous tick of his)– and his eyes tired.

You dropped your hand to your side as Nikolai looked you up and down.

“You’re alive,” he breathed, his eyes meeting yours. You gave a small nod.

Maybe no one told him of your arrival, after all.

“Saints,” he gave a small chuckle, stepping into the hallway. “You’re alive!”

He engulfed you in a hug, his arms squeezing you like they had so many times in the past.

“Hey, Nik,” you breathed, a small smile creeping onto your lips.

“I missed you, too.”

And those words held more weight than he would ever know.

260 notes · View notes