#cocsa poem
Text
my body
my autonomy
my philosophy
my psychology
will always just be
what you made of me
#vent#vent post#cw vent#tw cocsa#cocsa victim#cocsa survivor#sa vent#sa victim#sa survivor#sa poem#poetry#cocsa poem#vent poem#vent blog#csa vent#csa victim
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I'm a little lamb
A sacrificial lamb to their happiness
They keep dragging me to the alter
Im destined to get hurt over and over again
So they can wear the "perfect family " title
While the little lamb bleeds out in the background
#tw vent#sad poem#tw family trauma#family issues#actually cptsd#living with cptsd#cocsa survivor#csa vent#emotional abuse#dysfunctional family#toxic family#psychological abuse
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i would love to read any of your work 🖤
Here's what was previously published, I might edit to add some unpublished works!
#text#asks#trauma#tw#ptsd poetry#ptsd poem#cptsd poetry#ptsd#cptsd#grooming#child grooming#tw cocsa#tw csa
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Sunday School Lessons
Tw: cocsa, religious trauma
.
What is rape?
Did we do it right?
Am i still a little girl on her knees
Legs spread for the camera
Saying im sorry like a ball of cotton stuck in the throat
I am still obedient
I am still crying in the nighttime
Too dirty to be touched
.
Swap spit in the bathroom of the church
Silently screaming,
Is this supposed to be gods love
Rape in the form of two pairs of feet under the stall
.
I am still aching from that worship
#original poem#poetry#short poem#poets#sad poetry#poetry corner#spilled poetry#spilled ink#spilled thoughts#my writing#poetic#poets on tumblr#poem#tw cocsa#cocsa victim#cocsa mention#cocsa trauma#religious trauma#depressing poem#tw depressing stuff#trauma
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you never told me when you did it
my skin could be
anew like they say
but ill never know
when my skin is rid of you
and until i know for sure
my body will always be
a rememberance of you
#vent#vent poem#sa vent#cw vent#vent blog#vent post#cocsa poem#cocsa survivor#cocsa victim#cocsa vent#tw cocsa#sa poem#original poem#poem#poetry#csa victim#csa vent
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bleh first post
not new to tumblr but new to posting :p
using this page to post my archive of poems/random unmedicated thoughts so very general TW/ sh,sa,csa,cocsa,ed,suicidal thoughts feelings attempts the whole shabang.
if ur cool w that welcome to my little corner of the internet enjoy your stay.
#rumoredr3birth#tw csa#tw sui#tw sa#tw cocsa#tw sh#tw self destruction#tw depressing thoughts#goodmorning#goodnight#writeblr#poetry#poems and poetry#literature#lit
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Floraverse + Glitchedpuppet's Abusive History Masterlist
General Good Sources:
The House That Monsters Built
7 Part documentary series on Glitchedpuppet, PMD-E, and Floraverse's troubled history of child exploitation, animal exploitation, and abuse.
floraverseisacult.com
An overview of on Glitchedpuppet, PMD-E, and Floraverse's troubled history of child exploitation, animal exploitation, and abuse but in a website format. Includes sources to back up every claim made, examples of how Scenes are a toxic practice, and an explanation on Floraverse's cult tendencies.
A Timeline of Events
A general time line of Glip's informed complicity in Marl's sex crimes against animals and children. If you don't want to spend a lot of time reading about this, then this post is the one to click on.
Names / Pronouns
Glitchedpuppet / Glip / Papayakitty / Ash - They/Them
Eevee / LexyEevee / Veekun / Squishfox - She/Her
Pengosolvent / Pengo - He/Her
Opa / opaopa13 / Tem - He/They
Iz / Woz / W0z / TanukiBathhouse - They/Them
Marl Sexually Abused Minors & Animals
[cw: Beastiality, Pedophilia]
➳ Lain's Story
➳ Rootie's Story
➳ Chat logs between Marl and Big Fluff
Glip was Aware that Marl was Sexually Abusing Animals
[cw: Beastiality]
➳ Marl convinced Glip to be filmed engaging in beastiality.
➳ Marl convinced Glip to engage in beastiality a second time.
➳ Exty had informed Glip that Marl showed them pornography of their pet dog Apollo in 2013 after Marl cheated on Glip with Exty.
➳ Eevee was likely aware that Marl was sexually abusing the family dog Apollo and children in her IRC too and choose to protect him.
➳ Apollo was walking around their home with mittens on his front paws, a common practice to prevent a dog from scratching someone when mounting.
Weird Zoophilic / Pedophilic / Sex Pest interest Glip + Eevee has shown
➳ Glip has a grooming fetish for showing children pornographic content by an "experienced person" and "innocence being broken".
➳ Glip's cat Twigs would try to essentially perform oral sex on them and this happened enough times that Marl became jealous of the cat. During PMD-E, there was a marriage arc & Porn between Glips self insert character and a Persian named after Twigs.
➳ Eevee avoids labeling her fetish game as a fetish game and advertises it to the Floraverse server full of minors.
➳ Glip has drawn feral porn and references photos of animal genitalia for their porn art.
➳ Eevee's weird ass decade long tendency of "accidentally" defending child porn, incest, and zoophilia.
➳ Glip believes that people can "let themselves be raped" and is sympathetic to the rapists in these situations. Glip described a character who was bound and gagged without consent, who states outright 'This is not what I came here for' as an example of a character who "let themselves be raped."
Other examples / stories of people being abused or berated by Glip or their inner circle
➳ Opa - at the time 37, convinced a 19 year old Jolly to move across state lines to live with with him. He exposed his genitalia to Jolly within a week of them moving in. Opa ended up evicting Jolly leading to Jolly attempting suicide twice.
➳ Rina's zine on how they where abused by the Floraverse community. Talks about how Iz/W0z ("The Predator") groomed her and created a visual novel depicting her COCSA story and her being raped by a doll.
➳ Pengo, Phoebe, and Japhet berated bring-out-the-dead over the span of several days, almost causing Boo to attempt suicide.
➳ Glips tendency to depict cruel caricatures of people in their webcomic.
➳ Pengo and Glip ganging up on and harassing someone in the server over sharing a personal poem.
➳ Kasran berates Bex for recognizing they where being abused and leaving the community & Glips caricatures of Bex that where put into Floraverse.
➳ Pengo harassed someone and initiated a server dogpile - bullying them for making a joke about banana juice.
➳ A user in the floraverse server talks about going through some personal trauma and leaves. Glip + Pengo ban and psychoanalyze the user in a cruel way after they leave for using the wrong emoji.
➳ Roleplaying a court-hearing to humiliate and ban Nichole.
➳ Pengo and Glip ganging up on and harassing someone for not roleplaying properly in the community.
➳ Eevee refers to 2 of the children Marl sexually abused (Lain and Big Fluff) as just 'kiwifarmers'.
➳ Glip and Pengo berated someone for being uncomfortable that someone who doxed them was allowed in the Floraverse community.
Glip is extremely cruel to victims of abuse when the abuser is someone they like
➳ Glip & Eevee slandered Lain over the span of years and called them a "fucking parasite" because the 13 year old spoke out about Marl sending her photos of dog genitalia - while knowing Marl was a zoo. [cw: Beastiality, Pedophilia]
➳ Glip thinks Opa shouldn't have called 911 because Jolly, the "deadly parasite" attempted suicide and "who cares if the deadly parasite dies". [cw: Suicide]
➳ Glip happily hosts the visual novel Iz made of Rina's COCSA that depicts them as a doll and gets raped on their porn site. They also lie about this visual novel being about Rina's COCSA story and being about Rina despite Iz admitting to both being true. [cw: Rape]
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hi, my name is jericho!
i love to read and write poetry, so ive decided to post my work
i write about my struggles (cw: sh, eds, suicidal ideation, bpd triggers) as a sort of coping mechanism, and it also really helps putting what i feel into words
i also enjoy web weaving, especially with my favourite lyrics and osamu dazai from bungou stray dogs, who i relate to a lot (unfortunately)
my main blog is cipralex-and-candy-filled-organs which also features some of my poems on here
if you relate to any of my posts, just know that youre not alone :)
- h0ll0wed-b0nes
contents and themes:
"After all I'm just a dog" - canine poetry, dependence, obsession
"I'm Alive" - sh, self-dehumanization
"Skinsuit" - body dysmorphia
"Pseudo-blade" - tactile hallucinations, sh
"Reminiscing" - struggles of a neurodivergent child, sh, suicidal ideation
"The Life of a Performer" - COCSA, perceptions of beauty throughout childhood, eds, hypersexuality
"A Parasite's Guilt" - bpd, obsession, shame, emptiness, desire for human connection
"Like Father, Like Son" - struggles with parents, childhood trauma and the impacts on development, non-reciprocal attempts of rehabilitation in a relationship
"No Remorse for the Dead" - romanticization of mental illness, suicidal ideation, self-destruction
"A Cold Bone" - masking, emptiness, self-dehumanization, people-pleasing
"I'm Your Man, web-weaving" - canine poetry
"To Be Human is to Be Hurt" - masking, sh, self-dehumanization, derealization
"The Cycle" - suicidal ideation, the meaning of life
"Ripe" - hypersexuality, objectification, abandonment, being used
"A Ghost Trapped in Skin" - self-dehumanization, derealization, emptiness
"Crack Baby, web-weaving" - osamu dazai, bungou stray dogs
"Nude, web-weaving" - osamu dazai, bungou stray dogs
"Clowning" - "no longer human", suicidal ideation, self-dehumanization, alienation, human connection, isolation, masking
"You Bite" - trauma, self-defence mechanisms, destruction of yourself and others
"Last Goodnight" - unexpected suicide attempts from others' perspective, losing a loved one, final goodbyes
"Hyacinth" - sh, shame, urges, impulses, coping mechanisms, self-destruction, lashing out
"Ourosboros Does Not Compose" - sh, self-destruction, emotional irregularities, anger issues
"Eggshells of a Lonely Man" - fear of abandonment, borderline personality disorder
"Inherited Poison" - inherited disorders, similar negative traits to parents
"Possession in Disguise" - being used, bpd fps, being set to square one, hypersexuality
"Don't Deny the Devil" - childhood trauma, medical trauma, COCSA, trauma responses, denial because "it could be worse"
"Leeches" - unreciprocated support, people pleasing, ignoring needs
"The Elephant" - unreciprocated empathy/care, being mistreated by people you always put first, having strong empathy when others are selfish
#poetry#poets on tumblr#web weaving#bungou stray dogs#dazai osamu#intro post#the summer hikaru died#hikaru ga shinda natsu
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tw: cocsa, csa, death mention
just a vent.
i've been thinking recently about how my family would react if they found out i grew up being SA'd by my cousin. i just can't open up about it to anyone knowing how it would destroy the family and I have no evidence. My grandma is in her mid 70's, and she cherishes my cousin a lot. Or so I think. I sometimes think how it would be for her to die peacefully without knowing such horrible things happened b/w her 2 grandkids. Sometime in my life, I definitely plan on telling this to my mom who also is fond of my cousin. It scares me but at the same time brings me reassurance that one point all the people who care about me will never know what happened in my life for me to grow up with so many issues and live w so much trauma. They'll just die and there will be no one to know of it. I don't know how much sense this makes, but I'm just scared of what happens once it gets out. It hurts while it's there within you, it will hurt even more once it's out in society knowing the culture over SA.
I don't know, it's the fear of the fact that I just might tear my family apart in a sense that if my cousin is ever exposed and say really held accountable, it might draw a rift between my parents & my aunt and uncle. At the same time I wonder if they'll take me seriously since a lot of relatives view my cousin as the pride of the family. So that way it can again cause a rift because I'd become a scapegoat and 'reputation ruiner' as i like to call it, when I know what happened was real.
I just feel really trapped and there's no way out. Someday the past will catch up and I'm really afraid it will all just crumble. Everything in my life and the life of my loved ones will be destroyed.
Sorry if I framed some things in a confusing manner. Thanks for reading.
Hi anon,
I'm so sorry about what you've been through. Also please know that there is no need to apologize, your ask is perfectly understandable.
It's common to worry about how people will react when you share your story. Please know that your feelings are valid. It's a vulnerable thing to share what happened, especially to your family. With the emotional gravity of your story, it's understandable why you may feel that you must keep this story from others so that they can live peacefully.
You are not alone in feeling this way, and this is something that I have personally dealt with. My poems of being assaulted were published to a lit mag, and my parents wanted to come to the publication party where I was to read the poems. I wanted them to come show their support but I also wanted to protect them from their own sadness and guilt. My therapist helped me to realize that other people's emotions are not my responsibility, and so if someone is devastated by my story, that's not necessarily my problem. Suffice to say, other people's emotions are not a valid reason to stop you from sharing your story.
Please know that, while it's completely up to you who to tell your story to, it's also completely up to you who NOT to tell your story to. If there are people that you don't want to know what happened, that should be your right. It's your story, so it's your jurisdiction who knows and who doesn't, although some people may not honor that.
In my situation, I had a discussion with my mom about my COCSA and how I wanted not to tell her because I wanted to protect her from her own guilt, but she told me she'd already been feeling it, and that the transparency actually provided her some relief. So it may be worth considering that the people you think are "peaceful" may be wearing a mask, and that sharing your story may actually strengthen some of your familial bonds.
I also just want to say that we as survivors are often made to feel that speaking up about what happened to us is like a weapon of mass destruction. But we need to remember that it's really our abusers doing all that destruction, we are merely the messengers. Just like our abusers destroy their own reputations when we expose them, any rift that may occur within your family is not your fault. You're simply speaking the truth, or doing whatever else feels right in your healing.
Please know that you are not defined by your past. You are a survivor, and your story has the power to inspire, uplift, and bring about positive change. As you continue on your healing path, may you find solace, strength, and the freedom to live a life filled with joy, love, and fulfillment. Keep holding onto hope, and know that you are never alone in this journey.
I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.
-Bun
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little blondie on the farm
[tw]
little blondie in the barn
she's never seen it before
always in the house with Tom and jerry
eating moms old fashioned roast
little blondie in the barn
she's never seen it before
daddy promised it would happen-
nothing he could control
he'd loved her so dearly,
she was resting in his soul
but his heart grew too big
burst right through his chest-
he was just feeding the pigs
and blondie found him cold
but momma didn't cry at the funeral
kept strong, like she was told
and there his bags lay, out on the road
while the new man showed her around
our little blondie on the barn
to see the pigs and the cows
look how big they are
see how small you are.
have a gander, he said
little blondie on the farm
wanders into the chicken coup
and spots a nested hen
runs right over to do a carry
holds the bird and stops right then
five little eggs, in a pocket of safety
the man pops on in
and asks what she's found
a mother hen she tells him
but the father's not around
not to worry
he touches an egg
reaching past blondie
in the crowded chicken house
she made them on her own
mother Mary!
little blondie in the chicken coup
holding the hen close
sure he says
but there is no baby
with the flick of his finger the shell of an egg cracks
and little blondie cries
and she cries
and she cries
her little hands gripping the mother mary
asking why he'd do that
he tries to explain
she doesn't understand
it is too late
and he is afraid
his hand is on her mouth
and mary has been dropped
the eggs will be crushed
as the coup disrupts
fear has led to power
and things are going south
power is intoxicating
when you've been foaming at the mouth
waiting for control
little blondie on the farm
she'd never been there before
eating chicken for dinner
she'd never been there before
a/n and more blondie
this is a story about the shift in life that sexual assault causes. hopefully reading this will have made you feel it, and hopefully it wasn't too bad for you, hopefully it got some feelings out, and hopefully you understand what I'm saying.
I want to say that this is a story. the symbolism in it, however, is incredibly tied into my life and my psychotic symbolism things and considering this is void talk, I'd like to dissect some the poem. don't care none of you know me and nobody has a tumblr. i wanna talk about it, because I never get to. you can ignore this, or oggle at me like I'm a zoo animal honestly idc I'm into that shit
this is shorter and more interesting so I'll do this first
the butchering was purposefully ignored simply because it was not relevant. i wanted the reader to believe that it would have a classic play on the butchering narrative to symbolize loss of innocence or whatever, only to have that part of the learning experience completely ripped from the main character. for her to continue to eat meat, and to never question its whereabouts represents a part of her life that has now been glazed and will be absent. in the metaphoric sense, it is relatable to the viewer (maybe) and author, but in the literal sense, my personal story was different, and death was quite a big part of my life, for a few reasons, ive experienced my apathy, however blondie is completely unaware and apathetic the entire time. she never witnessed the killings before the new man and I didn't include this because I thought it would be too obvious, or too much. but her father did the killings while she was at school, keeping her away from them. she hears them at night now. but she doesn't really. she is apathetic, and gone. she is a shell. she never got to learn the process of death.
and that is where we differ in this story. the absence of death and the overwhelming presence of it happen simultaneously for her, without her even realizing it. and that is something that a lot of young children face. dealing with life or death scenarios before understanding it, or the part of your brain breaking at a young age from csa or cocsa.
you are dying without even knowing the meaning of the word
:)
religious symbolism is common, I know that. I rarely understand what these things mean to me so here i go
Im terrified of religion, like most of us, and have been since I was very young. I have a history of hearing voices that I truly didnt and still don't know what they were. sometimes I had convinced myself they were the devil or his demons. I was so fearful I would pray and pray and they would not leave. so loud. nowadays I believe it represents itself in chatter. but it was so real and frightening when I was young. cowering from the demons my pastor yells about every Sunday, trying to corrupt me, punishing me for dressing my barbie dolls.
mother Mary is the only pillar I believe
mother Mary is above all else
see the lord is not real
God is not real
they taught me one is dark and one is light but I present to you the existence of gray
God is not good
if god is all things good how can he not be all things evil? he is all. he is the man, and he is no malevolent god.
and i didn't know how to take that growing up, and idk if it was that hard for anyone else but it fucked with me. because I was too small to be freaking out about that. the fact that nothing. happens.
a woman creating life without the essence of lust, without impurifying herself. that is a godly being. that is the mother.
the thought of being held by purity herself, the ultimate comfort of a mother, like bathing in holy water as a newborn. warm water in the cold touched by God's hands. mother mary.
and in that moment you are baby jesus
the innocent act of blondie picking up the mother mary, is the ignorance of your purity. not necessarily in a negative sense, but blissful is too positive.
to see the mother mary through a child's eyes, not through the word of the Bible, even so in the form of a hen. it is a brief and rushing moment of comfort, of relief, of haven.
there was a moment, and I was there. I was there. just before everything was doomed, just after I could be my own small person.
and I don't quite remember
but for a second everything was perfect
I wish I had relished in that second
blondie is the egg that mother mary laid. the goddess has been thrown, disrespected, the destroyed shells of her children prevent the necessary possibilities of life. taken by the Man. not the industry dude man sorry the godman. the man who made eve from the rib of his likeness so she would lay for said likeness. what a creep.
a fleeting moment. back when it was perfect. how quickly it was gone. you feel guilty that you dropped her. I hope this makes sense. probb idk
the barn is representative of my home life. I did not live on a farm. but I've witnessed mercy killings, and inhumane environments. nothing like a farm. quite. the opposit.e but I wish it was. and I think I liked to think it had been when I was young. a farm. or a zoo. a sanctuary. it was supposed to be. that hurts
this helped me feel better.
also blondies mom killed her dad to marry the new man and he was evil. this was a twisted fucking way of looking at my personal situation.
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Day 14: What’s the hardest thing about recovering from trauma?
Oof. There's a lot to say.
I think the hardest thing about it is the frustration that I have to pick up broken pieces of myself and spend several years just trying to make sense of everything and put things back together, while my abuser gets to live like nothing happened.
I desperately want to be able to publicly hold him accountable but I am being gagged by threats his family has issued towards me. I know that the moment he, his family, or friends see any statement of mine addressing it, my throat will be on the line. It shouldn't be that way, but it is, and we saw it happen with Depp vs Heard.
We are not at a point in society where survivors, let alone cocsa survivors, are truly safe enough to come forward. #metoo did a lot, but it ultimately didn't change the stigma against us survivors, the victim-blaming specifically.
As I have mentioned several times, I am writing an exposé about the trauma I have endured from my abuser, which is currently 286 pages. I want to publish it. I want to have documentaries made about it. But that's all under the pretense that I am legally and physically protected, which is a cost I cannot afford, nor do I really know how to establish. So until then, I don't feel safe enough to just say "hey this happened to me and [my abusers first and last name] did it" even though I so badly wish I could. I'm at an impasse due to both society's immaturity around the subject and a threat to keep my abuser's name out of my "fuck ass mouth" as his sister so eloquently put it.
That being said, I have beat around the bush by writing and publishing poems discussing what my abuser did to me without naming names and so far that's okay. I'm just not sure how much I want to test my luck. It's a battle.
#I also just have to say that another hard thing is knowing I can't save everyone#text#ptsdconfessions
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So I’ve dusted off this old URL and made a poetry side blog!
Right now, there’s only the two poems that I wrote and posted in 2018 (that I’ve just reblogged from my main art blog) but I plan on adding more :) Thanks for stopping by!
Trigger Warning Sidenote:
Please be careful while reading my poetry. they contain themes of suicidal ideation, self-harm, CoCSA and CSA, sexual assault, child abuse, domestic violence, and death.
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Hey wait I stopped using Tumblr for a year or two, how and when did pengo suddenly end up cool with glip again? What happened? I really liked and respected their work, and now this? What?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news for you anon but Pengo and Glip started secretly dating and talking like years ago and now he's one of biggest fucking bullies in the Discord server.
Like, he usually instigates group dogpiling by psychoanalyzing someone when they did not ask for it and talking like he fucking works in HR to say some of the cruelest things with polite ':)' undertones - so the person he is antagonizing becomes the bad guy when they reasonably become worked up from his instigative behavior. I don't know if he's always been this much of a massive douchebag, but the behavior is consistent these days.
I shared the juice stuff earlier but here are other instances of him doing this to others:
Psychoanalyzing and getting mad at someone over role play
Harassing over a poem they made to express their feelings about being sexually assaulted
Being an asshole to someone because they want access to the role that gives them access to the channel to send animal photos
Like, of all of Glips inner-circle Pengo's probably the least bad - but when his competition is Iz 'I made a VN about someones COCSA story where I projected onto the rapist and portrayed the victim as a lifeless doll', Opa 'I am a 37 year old man who let a 19 year old move across state lines to live with me, showed them my genitalia a week of them moving in, and when I kicked them to the streets I got coddled as the victim of abuse because I pushed them to seriously attempt suicide', and Eevee 'I think banning someone for uploading child porn on FA is questionable priorities' - It's not exactly medal earning to earn the title of 'least bad of the group'.
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