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bobbystompy · 3 years

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My Top 88 Songs Of 2020

Previously: 2019, 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011

Though we couldn’t get as trim as last year’s 75, still very happy to keep this under 100 for the second year in a row. This was a very difficult year in many ways, but music helped make it more bearable.

As always, criteria and info:

This is a list of what I personally like, not ones I’m saying are the “best” from the year; more subjective than objective

No artist is featured more than once

If it comes down to choosing between two songs, I try to give more weight to a single or featured track

Each song on the list is linked in the title if you wanna check them out for yourself; there is also a Spotify playlist at the bottom that includes the majority of the songs

Usually a pump up video goes here, but 2020 had a different energy, so Michael, take us in.

88) Katy Perry - “Smile”

Even Katy Perry’s good songs are a swirling spiral of maxed out auto-tune. This one is just fine. It’s... fine.

87) All Time Low - “Trouble Is...”

Is All Time Low the Katy Perry of pop punk?

86) Tee Grizzley f/ Payroll Giovanni - “Payroll”

I have never heard of Payroll Giovanni, but I have two questions:

1) Is this his song, and he got Tee to jump on it?

2) Or, did Tee write a song called “Payroll” and think to himself “You know who would be great on this? Payroll Giovanni!”

Favorite stretch:

Listen, we is not the same, you say "door", I say "dough" You say "floor", I say "flow", you say "for sure", I say "fa'sho"

85) Lady Gaga & Ariana Grande - “Rain On Me”

Coming out in 2020 probably hurt this song, because I have no, like, out of the house memories with it. You can only have so much fun with Big Singers Singing over a pulsing beat when it’s coming from the phone in your kitchen as you’re indifferently scrambling eggs.

84) Benjamin Gibbard - “Life In Quarantine”

Now this is a song you can do nothing to; almost feels like it’s reluctant to even exist. It got released in March of 2020, so the outro (“No one is going anywhere soon”) served as a too sad reminder/mantra for what the year was about to be. Second shout out to Gibbard for the many YouTube sets he put together during the early stages of the pandemic (when so many of his peers were trying to figure out the next move).

83) Cardi B f/ Megan Thee Stallion - “WAP”

This felt less like a song and more of a “whoa, did you see the music video?!” and/or a means to relitigate the eternal question “What is the sexual line in music?” And while it was fun to watch people freak the fuck out... the quality itself really needed to be better.

(Note: YouTube video is the edited chorus; explicit version here)

82) McKayla Maroney - “Wake Up Call”

Former Olympic gymnast McKayla Maroney -- of medals and memes fame -- dips her toe into the music waters. It’s inside-the-box modern pop music. One thing that’s hard to escape: it doesn’t really sound like her.

81) Chelsea Cutler - “Sad Tonight”

He vocals really remind me of Alessia Cara.

80) blink-182 - “Quarantine”

Blink doing a Bad Religion impression. Docked a few points for the very weak chorus lyrics (“Quarantine, fuck this disease”). That said, as serious as the song comes off, there are some clever punchlines to be found.

79) Dave Hause & Brian Fallon - “Long Ride Home”

This is kind of a nothing song, but it’s easy listening. Also, if your guitar leads can’t clear the “Could Bobby have written or performed this?” bar, then said leads are probably pretty weak.

78) Travis Scott & Kid Cudi - “THE SCOTTS”

Two artists who pair so well together, it’s hard to tell who exudes more influence on the track (eh, that’s not true, it’s Travis Scott, but Kid Cudi is more of a roommate than guest). They want you to be high by the time the instrumental outro hits.

77) The Strokes - “Bad Decisions”

The beginning sound feels somewhat evolved, but by the time Julian Casablancas croons “Making bad decisions”, the song feels like it could be on their debut album “Is This It?”. And it goes in and out like that from there.

76) Thundercat - “Dragonball Durag”

Thundercat is one of those artists I wish I liked more, but when the occasional track does hit, it’s a momentary glimpse into what real fans seem to always see.

75) TI f/ Lil Baby - “Pardon”

Standard fare. Lil Baby’s cameo is very meh.

74) Porches - “Do U Wanna”

For a song that repeatedly asks “Do you want to dance?”, it sure makes you feel like you’re moving in slow motion.

73) NOFX - “Thatcher Fucked The Kids”

On the best-named album of the year (“West Coast vs. Wessex”), Frank Turner and NOFX cover each other’s material. To start us off, the legends take a song from 12 years ago about British politics from 40 years ago and, well, very easily apply it to right god damn now in America.

72) The Bombpops - “Dearly Departed”

Ahh, my year’s first cancelled concert. The listed names in V1 always make me want to skip this song -- but patience, grasshopper. Chorus is aight.

71) Ratboys - “Alien With A Sleep Mask On”

This band name will never match what the music sounds like.

70) Rolling Blackouts Coastal Fever - “She’s There”

The vocals in this song channel, like, four completely different singers for me, ranging from Bob Dylan to Cloud Nothings.

69) NOBRO - “Don’t Die”

An anthemic chorus meant to be belted in a room with sweaty strangers.

68) Oliver Tree f/ blink-182 - “Let Me Down”

The original solo version of this song is 1:52, and though the blink cameo pushes it over the dreaded two minute mark, it adds enough diversity to justify the choice (keep an eye out for the quick Green Day lyrical nod in the back half).

67) AJJ - “Normalization Blues”

This dropped in January, and if you thought the year was bad then. Punk News:

I'll admit I do want the album to age badly because I really don't want to have to listen to it years later and still say this is the world we're living in.

Said album being titled “Good Luck Everybody” is straight cryptic.

66) Selena Gomez - “Rare”

Very chill for big pop; triplet rhythm singing in the chorus gets me erry time.

65) Kid Cudi & Eminem - “The Adventures Of Moon Man & Slim Shady”

Cudi’s second split collab yields bigger results than his Travis Scott joint (admittedly with a worse beat here). It rarely ever hurts to let Eminem do the heavy lifting.

64) Alkaline Trio - “Smokestack”

A little cheerier than the average Alk3 song, but Dan Andriano seems like he’s been in a great place for a long time now; confident and in control. For me, the whole song builds up to the “You changed my life” chorus.

63) Frank Turner - “Scavenger Type”

Here, Frank takes on the acoustic closer to NOFX’s legendary 1994 album “Punk In Drublic”. Though the energy boost is most noticeable, my favorite part is how you can hear how much Turner loves this song as his melody bursts on the verses.

62) Mike Posner - “Alone In A Mansion”

Mike Posner, an artist I have a very soft spot for, released a storytelling concept album in 2020. From the intro track:

This album was written, recorded, and produced over a period of two weeks in Detroit, Michigan in my parents' basement. It's meant to be listened to all the way through. At least on the first listen. And it's about 36 minutes long. If you can't devote 36 minutes of undivided attention to this album, I again politely ask that you turn it off and return at a later time. I love you and I thank you for taking the time to listen in the first place. Also, it's important to note that the characters and the stories in this album are completely fictional. In addition, anyone struggling with a mental illness - depression, schizophrenia - should not listen to this album. Turn it off.

So those are the stakes. Pulling this song -- the record’s closer -- feels unfair void of context, but them’s the breaks.

61) Nada Surf - “Just Wait”

Heavy hitting chorus without having to be heavy; this could really work in a movie.

60) Matt Pond PA - “Wild Heart”

This having only 805 views on YouTube is criminal.

59) Liquid Death - “Unnecessary And Unimpressive”

Liquid Death -- in this iteration -- is a punk rock supergroup with members of Rise Against, Anti-Flag, The Lawrence Arms, and The Bombpops. If that didn’t interest you enough, all lyrics in the project (which, I believe, is for charity) come from hateful comments or negative reviews. Of the four artists involved, this sounds most like a Bombpops song, with Jen on lead vocals as others chime in.

58) PUP - “Rot”

Off my silver medalist for album name of the year (“This Place Sucks Ass”), PUP doesn’t do anything new here, but it was relieving to see them still going in 2020 when so many others got roadblocked, both physically and creatively.

57) Paul Harrold and the Nuclear Bandits - “Massanutten”

This reminds me of local Chicago artist Al Scorch. So much earnestness in the vocals, but a little more prairie for Harrold compared to speakeasy for Scorch. This would be a good road trip song. And I’m not talking about singalong... more for the stretch where you want to sit in silence and look out at the sun-kissed land blazing by. The song’s greatest victory is getting me to like something that cracks 6:00.

Note to future me: Massanutten is in Virginia (saved you a Google).

56) Kesha f/ Sturgill Simpson, Brian Wilson & Wrabel - “Resentment”

Kesha has been vulnerable in the past but never this stripped down sonically; the chorus would feel right at home on a country radio station. Love a good bridge, too.

55) Megan Thee Stallion f/ Beyoncé - “Savage (Remix)”

An up-and-comer pairing with a legend rarely lets down when both sides are this locked in. Bey wins. Fav line: “If you don't jump to put jeans on, baby, you don't feel my pain”.

She matches flows with Megan but also brings melody. Her blessing takes this song from pretty damn good to undeniably great.

That beat, too.

54) Red City Radio - “Baby Of The Year”

If all you want to do right now is grab a drink in a bar, here is a video built to troll.

(Also: a Liquid Death cameo?!)

53) Nathaniel Rateliff - “And It’s Still Alright”

The last time Mr. Rateliff had our attention, he just wanted a drink. That hit had a chorus with the very-sad-when-removed-from-the-song “If I can't get clean, I'm gonna drink my life away” lyric. Well, our man got sober since. And when the party is over, the introspection comes.

52) Direct Hit! - “HAVE YOU SEEN IT?”

Listening to slowed down Direct Hit! is like watching Usain Bolt lightly jog. It kinda makes sense because the core action is there, but it also feels sort of incorrect.

51) Hayley Williams - “Dead Horse”

Solo Hayley songs have this feel like they could do anything at any time... but then don’t. This one does the same until a very fun chorus breaks it up.

50) Kid Cudi f/ Phoebe Bridgers - “Lovin’ Me”

Probably the most improbable collab on this list (if 2020 hadn’t repeatedly taught us to not be surprised by anything).

49) The Homeless Gospel Choir - “Don’t Compare”

Listening to The Homeless Gospel Choir is kind of like getting a dedicated pep talk from a good friend... while fire rains down from the sky.

48) Carly Rae Jepsen - “Let’s Sort The Whole Thing Out”

Queen vocals with one prince of a tempo; this chorus is Sour Patch Kids riding Twix logs down a soda pop waterfall -- and it’s a b-side.

47) Green Day - “Meet Me On The Roof”

I like this song because it reminds me of summer and because it doesn’t really sound like Green Day (but still totally does).

46) Broadway Calls - “Meet Me On The Moon”

Promise -- swear -- I was gonna compare this Broadway Calls song to Green Day before realizing they both had titles about meeting in an escalated location. That said, I did put them next together on purpose to more coherently make this point.

45) David Rokos - “Building Bridges”

My buddy Dave wrote this song, and I think I’ve asked him three times what “burning sugar” meant (he says it’s a reference to absinthe). This song will make you want to travel to enjoy not only the places but the people around you.

44) Charli XCX - “claws”

Charli XCX keeps it futuristic in a video that could be described as sexy, cheesy, goofy, and playful-yet-serious.

43) Brian Fallon - “Lonely For You Only”

This is too easy and should not work (and maybe doesn’t). But that chorus... that circular phrasing... it still takes me all the way out. But I’m the same cat who proposed while a Gaslight Anthem cover was playing.

42) Waxahatchee - “Fire”

This song could be in a different language and hit just as hard.

41) Harry Styles - “Adore You”

Purifying pop.

40) Local H - “Hold That Thought”

Hardest rock song thus far. Local H was one of the first artists to play “live” once the lockdown hit (on a simultaneous YouTube/Facebook stream), and watching them attack music in their Chicago practice bunker felt a little bit like taking in the end of the world. New songs, old songs, covers -- it didn’t matter; their cool, unmatched apathy fits a pandemic or peacetime.

Ironically, was able to see them live in 2020, as they played a socially distanced, outdoor drive up concert in a minor league baseball parking lot. It wasn’t the same, but it was still something.

39) Crazy & The Brains - “I Don’t Deliver Pizza Anymore”

This song is just cool*. The verses feel tense and crucial, it starts to unspool in the pre-chorus, and the chorus itself feels like a light comedown more than anything else.

(* - though the lyric video is docked some points for spelling y’all as “ya’ll”)

38) Drake f/ Fivio Foreign & Sosa Geek - “Demons”

Menacing Drizzy can be very fun from time to time. Also more than happy to keep “Toosie Slide” very far away from this list.

37) Hey Dad!!! - “Life’s Alright”

Small band, big song; though summer feels light-years away.

36) insignificant other - “i’m so glad i feel this way about you”

This song lands a big haymaker in the first few seconds, so it was probably a good call to pull back some for the chorus and, eventually, outro.

35) BTS - “Dynamite”

Heard they made the lyrics bad on purpose for their English hit, which makes sense, because they’re bad. That said, if you listen knowing they’re supposed to be bad, it kinda makes them... good? Listen, 771 million views would have me singing nursery rhymes in Pig Latin.

34) DaBaby f/ RODDY RICCH - “ROCKSTAR”

Someone said this could be the song of the summer, but, because there wasn’t really a summer, I feel like I only heard it once all year. Also, are we really pretending Post Malone* didn’t just do a “like a rockstar” song three years ago?

(* - and N.E.R.D. before that and Cypress Hill before that... though N.E.R.D. only waiting a year after Cypress, so maybe DaBaby actually was patient)

33) The Front Bottoms - “the hard way”

Don’t take it easy on the animal / I am the animal

Not quite sure what this line means, but I fixate on the phrasing every single time. This song sounds resigned in a very self-aware way.

32) The 1975 - “If You’re Too Shy (Let Me Know)”

For a band called The 1975, they sure sound like they’re on their ‘80s shit here. Also, a real thing that happened:

Me: Is he coercing her to get naked?! I thought this band was woke.

/scans lyrics

/notices “She said” before the “Maybe I would like you better if you took off your clothes” line

Me: Ahh.

Sax solo, take us out.

31) Charly Bliss & PUP - “It’s Christmas And I Fucking Miss You”

A song that is already a forever staple on all my future Xmas playlists.

30) 2 Chainz f/ Ty Dolla $ign & Lil Duval - “Can’t Go For That”

Shorty said she love me / I said “I love me back”

This is a real genre blur; rap at its core, but also soulful, funky, and very danceable. Damn creative.

29) Billie Eilish - “Therefore I Am”

Billie's 2020 gave a few singles -- but no new album -- and a body shaming scandal where the backlash to the backlash probably caused more headlines than the tweet that started it all. Still, she stays on cruise control above the clouds; can all eyes be on you if they can’t even make you out?

Video for this is fun, too. Not sure if her running amok in an empty mall is more of a COVID necessity or commentary on the dying retail industry. As always with her, fill in your own blanks for now.

28) Future f/ Drake - “Life Is Good”

This was my most listened to rap song in the first half of the year, and bumping again now, almost forgot how good it is. Drake just chasing one-liner Instagram captions in the first half:

- “Haven’t done my taxes, I’m too turnt up”

- “N****s caught me slipping once, OK, so what?”

- “B****, this is fame not clout, I don’t even know what that’s about”

And, of course, “Workin’ on the weekend like usual”. The man could make anything glamorous. Let’s hit that H&R Block, bro!

Future’s back half is a totally different song and feels mostly like noise, but the vibe is cool, so I don’t even totally mean that in a bad way. You can even make out a “Got Promethazine in my blood and Percocet” lyric to mark your Future bingo card and immediately move on.

27) I’m Glad It’s You - “The Silver Cord”

This song feels like cold air blowing on the back of your neck.

(Sidebar: thought this band was called The Silver Cord until literally right now)

26) The Spill Canvas - “Mercy”

A dreamy, distorted, at-home version of whatever you remember The Spill Canvas sounding like. This song is confessional and at peace, with the Grade A self-loathing we’ve come to love from this band.

25) 100 gecs f/ Charli XCX, Rico Nasty & Kero Kero Bonito - “ringtone (remix)”

100 gecs first hit my radar with the explosively obnoxious “money machine”, but that’s a 2019er, so this remix to “ringtone” will have to do. It’s catchy like a younger sibling persistently singing a song you’re sick of hearing*.

(* - /only child trying to work in sibling analogies)

24) iann dior f/ Machine Gun Kelly & Travis Barker - “Sick And Tired”

Iann Dior -- ...yeah -- channels Juice WRLD on the hook, and MGK/Travis Barker buoy a track that, honestly, doesn’t really even need the help.

23) Nick Lutsko - “Unleash Your Spirit”

Lutsko hit my radar on Twitter with some legendary political anthems (word to the RNC and Dan Bongino + his Dashboard Trump parody). “Unleash Your Spirit” is the song I most fear hearing (or even thinking of) within a few minutes of going to bed. Not because it’s Halloween theme is scary -- because it’s that god damn catchy. It permeates your brain. True story: a week ago, I woke up in the middle of the night with “Bobbing for apples with the boys” so ingrained in my head, it felt like someone was standing there yelling it through a megaphone.

22) Dogleg - “Kawasaki Backflip”

Bad 2020 robbed many concerts from us, and not getting to see this band live might take the cake. I end the year liking them but could have been *all in* with the right performance and the right venue. Also, Song Title of the Year until further notice.

21) Eminem f/ Juice WRLD - “Godzilla”

Eminem has all of the words and all of the lyrical dexterity, but sometimes it feels like there isn’t anything to ground him. Enter: one of the best beats he’s ever spit on and a Juice WRLD hook to give it pop angle. But let’s not put Slim in the corner -- when he starts accelerating at the end, it’s is a true “holy fuck” moment. It sounds faster than if you actually fast forwarded.

The video ends with a touching audio message from Juice WRLD.

20) Soccer Mommy - “circle the drain”

This song is so gloriously ‘90s; it leans in and does not care.

19) Sam Russo - “Always Lost”

The first time I met you, we were on the last bus You passed me a bottle, and I knew you were one of us

Took 25 words to hook me; I was txting friends before the first chorus even hit.

18) Sincere Engineer - “Trust Me”

Deanna Belos pushes her vocals in this one. I asked about the performance, and she said it was one of the first ones they recorded in the studio, but when they were done and listening back to everything, she re-did this track because her throat was much more used to what the song required.

“That’s why it sounds like I’m on roids lol,” she added.

17) Jay Electronica f/ JAY-Z - “Flux Capacitor”

Jay Electronica signed to Roc Nation in November of 2010. At of the start of 2020, he had still -- STILL HOW FUCKING STILL -- not released a debut album. When he announced it was finally dropping in February, it was met with skeptic eyes. He’d “announced” before. Shit, he’d even posted track lists of albums that never saw the light of day. He was a tease’s tease. It ended up getting a release date of March 12. As the pandemic got really bad in the March 11 zone, he finally had an actual reason to delay the proceedings (the plan: a studio live stream listening party*).

But no -- this is Jay Electronica. Why wouldn’t he drop as the world was ending? The same reason why his costar wouldn’t not have a watch like a Saudi prince. It had to end for it to happen. I wish I saved the memes, because they were fantastic. All I have is my own Twitter memory to prove it happened:

I love this song entirely: the “get the gat” hook (soooo New Orleans), Hov calling out the NFL/acquaintances clout chasing his potential death/rapping forever bars, Jay Elect’s ham-fisted and awkward ass Farrakhan line. Everything is exactly where it should be.

Final verdict on the full album: I don’t know, a B or B+? It had a lot more Jay-Z than expected (wooo), but -- and I rarely say this -- it could have actually been longer.

16) New Found Glory - “Greatest Of All Time”

NFG with a song referencing the Jordan-Rodman-Pippen Bulls only a few months before “The Last Dance” aired. Dare we call it marketing genius? The punk beat does not care; the punk beat is too busy taking souls.

15) Dave Hause f/ Amythyst Kiah & Kam Franklin - “Your Ghost”

“I can’t breathe”

On the heels of the George Floyd/BLM protests came Dave Hause’s somber attempt to capture the moment, desperation, and hurt. On a podcast, he said he was aware he might not ever lead the movement but still wanted to contribute something in an effort to use his platform as a white artist to change someone, anyone’s mind going forward.

14) Taylor Swift - “this me trying”

The chorus makes me feel like the crowd is parting like the Red Sea on a high school -- shit, no, middle school -- dance floor; smoke machine and all. Your crush is waiting for you on the other side. What are you going to say?

13) Phoebe Bridgers - “Kyoto”

Phoebe is one of the best lyricists out because of her specificity, but even though this song is about her dad, you can really fit it to your own narrative.

12) The Lawrence Arms - “Last, Last Words”

The Lawrence Arms wrote their new record (which singer Chris McCaughan described as “this end of the world outpost”) prior to the pandemic, but once you start to process album themes -- and research its namesake -- you do wonder. All of this, combined with some “Catcher In The Rye” references, and we’ve got ourselves a winning formula.

Dressed to kill for oblivion

11) New Lenox - “Fairytale Of Gary, Indiana”

Your boy plays drums and is on the cover art for this one. Dave Rokos wrote the tune, which references The Pogues’ “Fairytale of New York”. Good news: no slurs in the Gary version. We’ll have you in and out in 90 seconds. Also: say hello to the recording debut of Alisa Caruso (some backup vox at the end).

10) Beach Slang - “Tommy In The 80s”

My most played song of 2020, but it really was more of a byproduct of how early in the year the album dropped. I’m still such a sucker for it, though. Other than forced nostalgia, not totally sure what the track is about. Did learn Beach Slang recruited former Replacements bassist Tommy Stinson to play on their LP, which was named -- /deepest of breaths -- “The Deadbeat Bang of Heartbreak City” (so maybe it has something to do with that).

9) Juice WRLD f/ Mashmello - “Come & Go”

The :55 mark. Wait until the :55 mark. When the guitar kicks in and tempo doubles, we have a real “oh, shit!” moment. I knew who Juice was when he passed but only “Liquid Dreams”. His 2020 album (“Legends Never Die”) showed us of what could have been; 55 minutes, loaded with cameos and creativity and experimentation. This song had me in its gravitational pull immediately. By the end of the year, they were using it on sports broadcasts, and it felt like a ubiquitous part of the culture.

One of my favorite days of 2020 was visiting the Juice mural in Chicago with my wife. We went impulsively during the day after someone posted a picture on Twitter.

I snapped one of my own and posted to IG with the Signals Midwest lyric “There is such quiet grace in private moments in public spaces”. The band responded with “RIP JUICE”; the perfect online exchange.

Shortly after, I was out with a different group of friends, and we went back at night. This time, it was protected by a fence you had to squeeze past. When we got through, there were kids in there smoking, taking pictures, just hanging out; empty liquor bottles lined the bottom of the mural. Even though it didn’t take all that long to make it there, it still felt like a journey and total ‘movie moment in real life’; a complete rarity in a year like 2020.

8) Mac Miller - “Good News”

Maybe I’ll lay down for a little...

Sadly continuing the theme of artists gone too soon, we have this reflective Mac Miller single, which feels more like self-eulogy than traditional rap. You feel it the entire time. The song crests with “There’s a whole lot more for me waitin’ on the other side”, and it conveys a readiness for whatever happens next.

7) The Dirty Nil - “Done With Drugs”

I don’t pray to Jesus or even own a suit

We lost the creators of our last two songs to substances, and, if we are to take this song at face value, The Dirty Nil don’t want to go down the same path. Drying out never sounded so cool and defiant... until the IKEA suggestion.

6) The Weeknd - “Blinding Lights”

Uptempo Abel is undefeated. My favorite pop song of 2020 has you feeling like you’re speeding through the empty streets of nighttime Las Vegas in a stolen car; indifferent to your environment, only tuned in to your personal desire.

And, on the lamer side of the spectrum, it spawned a catchy TikTok dance.

5) Spanish Love Songs - “Self-Destruction (As A Sensible Career Choice)”

It won’t be this bleak forever... yeah, right.

SLS has always been over-the-top with their lyrics spotlighting the hopelessness of the human condition -- so it was the *perfect* combo to being locked inside with nothing looking to forward to. Bonus: fun cake video.

Though the song’s core is uncut despair, a random moment I remember from 2020 was my wife telling me “I can hear you smiling as you’re singing” from another room as I belted the despondent chorus.

4) Worst Party Ever - “False Teeth”

This song sounds like The Front Bottoms; insecure yet so full.

3) Run The Jewels - “the ground below”

There were a lot of songs *about* 2020, but I’m not sure any artist soundtracked what being alive now is like more than RTJ. My favorite rap song and rap record of 2020.

Fav Killer Mike line: “Not a holy man, but I'm moral in my perversiveness / So I support the sex workers unionizing their services”

Fav El-P line: “I'll slap a dying child he don't pronounce my name correct”

2) The Menzingers - “America Pt. 2″

The Menzingers unexpectedly released an acoustic, re-done version of 2019′s “America (You’re Freaking Me Out)” single. It dropped on my birthday -- June 5th, 2020 -- as the rage in this country boiled over and protesters took to the streets. Though some of the lyrics remained the same, the new ones were changed with true purpose:

Well George Floyd was murdered by a cop The whole world saw the video and watched Now justice is long overdue Grab your pitchforks, we’re heading to Pennsylvania Avenue

I had nothing left when the first pre-chorus hit: “I hope the Devil and Donald and Mitch McConnell rot in hell for all tomorrows”. Tattoo this on my fucking soul.

All funds from the song were donated to Community Bail Funds (via Act Blue) & Campaign Zero. I purchased the track before hearing a note.

1) Machine Gun Kelly - “My Bloody Valentine”

Going into the year, I couldn’t tell you the difference between Machine Gun Kelly and Mac Miller -- now they’re both fixtures in this Top 10. All I really knew about MGK involved tattoos and a rap battle lost to Eminem (not that anyone ever beats Eminem).

In 2020, he took a punk/emo turn, with the services of GOAT drummer Travis Barker and new squeeze Megan Fox at his side. This song’s lyrics could potentially be cheesy but aren’t -- they all land. From the simulation going bad to not wanting “fake love” to all the damn second guessing and the earnestness that just won’t let you off the mat.

Every piece to the puzzle adds something: the messy hair, the Ken doll build, the forced iconic pink guitar that now feels actually iconic. It was almost like no one had any fun this year so he could have all of it on our behalf. There’s a half second shot of him sticking his tongue our during the pre-chorus, a joy 99.99% of us never got to feel.

The album itself was just as fantastic*; a 2000′s pop punk throwback with a Halsey duet, horrible skits (hi, Pete Davidson FaceTime), OpIvy lyrical nod (complete with a royalty check), a warp speed punk track that doesn’t even crack the minute mark, your token 6/8 ballad, acoustic closer (about his daughter), and some experimentation that leaves the new genre but still stays nearby; shades of Lil Peep, if he had Blink-182 as his backing band. Speaking of, please do not miss Travis’ fill at the 2:30 mark.

(* - named “Tickets To My Downfall”... woof)

MGK could get cancelled tomorrow, but we’ll always have this year in a bottle. The acoustic version of the song (sung in a lower resister), the 10 minute making of video (that I watched, uh, twice)... shit, he even turned it into a medley at the start of 2021.

It might be cliche to say “stay winning”, but when someone stacks this many W’s with no end in sight, what the fuck else do you call it? Real love.

* * *

Thank you so much for reading. Here is the Spotify playlist (includes 87 of the 88 songs).

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tvdversefanfiction · 3 years

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The Originals 30 Day Challenge, Done in 1 day.

I love all of these 30 day challenge pics/posts/quests but I never have the patience to do it over 30 whole days, so instead I do them in one sitting, one go.

MY TVD 30 DAY CHALLENGE HERE

Feel free to comment your own opinions about The Vampire Diaries spin-off The Originals, whether it’s your favorite show within the TVDverse like myself or whether you just love it as much as I also love the other two shows TVD and Legacies, Legacies will have its own 30 day challenge soon enough too...

Feel free to answer these too, copy, paste it, like I have and do it for yourself...

1 - If you follow this post, or read any of my TO fanfiction it will come as no surprise to anyone that I’m in love with and very obssesed with Klaus Mikaelson, he will always be my king.

2 - Rebekah Mikaelson, she’s so badass yet has this softness that makes her so compelling at the same time, I worship this queen and often wonder what this show would have looked like if she remained a main star for all of its five season run.

3 - Making me choose between the love of my life Klaus, and the icon that is Rebekah is hard...so hard but I have to go with Rebekah on the grounds that when he hurts Rebekah in any way I’m always mad like no, not my Rebekah, whereas when its the other way around I’m normally like yeah he deserved that from her...Rebekah is the fictional bestfriend of my life and Klaus is the husband, and friends always come before men - side not this very answer will later be used on record when I find myself in an asylum one day lol

4 - I’d have to go with either Marcellus or Inadu, although Marcel is beyond irritating to me throughout most of his run I can’t argue his reasons for being annoying are somewhat justifiable especially after Davina’s death in season 3 :( so I’d say I hated Inadu the most, purely because the character in itself was so wasted, so stale, and a dud to be honest...I was hoping for more with the hollow arc but I’ll get to that later on no doubt.

5 - Season 1 Episode 16, Farewell to Storyville, Season 1 in general was one of the strongest debut seasons for any shows I’ve ever watched, if not the strongest! I loved Rebekah and Klaus’ bond most out of the siblings and although Klaus spends most of the episode trying to kill her and it involves Rebekah leaving as a main character...this has got to be the juiciest exploration of their relationship - also side note young Elijah should have left young Rebekah kill Mikael, just saying...

6 - I could put the entirety of Season 5 in here, minus all the epicness of all the Klaroline scenes and Hayley’s badass death...but to pick one episode out it would have to be the finale “When the saints go marching in” because it just felt like they had spent that season killing off characters who were least likely to appear in Legacies (which pissed me off), also I wanted Klaroline to be endgame and Julie Plec’s response to not doing that because of Steroline, a ship that always felt like Caroline was second place and that queen should be always be 1st.

I did not like that Klaus and Elijah died, which reminded me visually of that Avengers scene, which made no sense as we have seen originals die before and not once did it go down like that!

And even if I could forgive them for that I was rather pissed we saw no after life, even a Elijah and Hayley dance in the afterlife would have been appreciated...

I’m also always a little bittersweet when folk from the pilot don’t show up in the last episode, would have loved to seen more of Davina in general over seasons 4 and 5. (Rant over)

7 - Try not to pick a Klaroline scene...never mind, when Caroline first appears, pinning Klaus up against the wall and saying something along the lines of try picking on someone your own size, or the swoony moment in Mystic Falls where she tells him he was never the villain in his story, or again the swoony moment when their road tripping and trying to find Hope... but non Klaroline scenes which were epic, Davina going up against Klaus with the harvest power inside of her, Lucien going upgraded original and taking them all on, Dahlia’s entire arc, the finales of 1,2, 3, and 4 and last but definitely not least kid Hope’s entire arc, what a magnificent actress Summer Fontana is, a star in the making *

8 - “ We are the strongest creatures in the world, and yet we're damaged beyond repair. We lived without hope, but we will never die. We are the definition of cursed, always and forever.” said by Rebekah Mikaelson, all of the Mikaelson’s had epic quotes, this show, and it’s predecessor TVD have so many amazing quotes <3

9 - Klaus handing baby Hope over to Rebekah, trusting her above all others, and any scenes where Klaus, Hayley, Rebekah, Elijah and Kol have with baby Hope as well as kid hope - broody moments lol

10 - Josh’s death, I had feared his death every goddamn season especially knowing Julie Plec wanted him killed in the very first season :( however after being made a regular in the finale season I had hopes for him making it out alive and perhaps showing up in Legacies in a more prominent role as a teacher for the vamp kids or something...but no that woman just had to finish off her hit...nothing breaks me more than his death! Although, reuniting with Aiden in the afterlife gives me small comfort, Aiden’s was another’s death that was so sad!

11 - Kid Hope putting people in their place like Marcel, and even Davina (who I worship), I just loved this little badass kid going about like a little queen from the get go...Danielle Rose Russell had and still has very big shoes to fill IMO

12 - Freya and Elijah condemning Davina to the ancestors, or Elijah who was supposed to love Marcel like a son ripping out Marcel’s heart. A lot of season 4 Elijah annoyed me tbh, 50% of Hayley scenes ticked me off too and Marcel was a solid 90% throughout the entire run.

13 - Hmmm....Klaus meeting his real father then killing him in order to protect Hope as he just could not risk trusting his father :( that broke me, other shocking moments when Gia died, Hayley’s first and second death...

14 - Friendship as in friends but not family? friendship within family would be Rebekah and Klaus always, friendship outside of family bonds I would definitely say either Davina and Josh or Rebekah and Hayley.

15 - Klaroline, although I put myself out here considering they only kissed once in this show...I never shipped Haylijah but never hated it, I despised Camille and the Klamille ship and always will, I enjoyed Elijah and Gia but doubt it run its course well I think, I always thought Rebekah deserved more than Marcel and still do...so I’m going with Kolvina, even though Kol killed Davina, thanks to those damn ancestors, their romance was super sweet, I loved how Kol loved her and their marriage, though briefly seen, was everything! We should have got a flashback of their wedding god damn it! But I’ll settle for them being two of the few who got happy endings...and could appear in Legacies ;) fingers crossed!

16 - I loved Marcel singing How You Like Me Now, I wish Charles Michael Davis had a few more musical numbers within this show, he’s a really talented actor, singer, director...

17 - Joseph Morgan hands down, loved him from his first scene in TVD and loved his other work in Hex and Brave New World, to name a few...

18 - Claire Holt, she’s just wonderful as Rebekah and the actress herself, she seems like such a genuine sweetheart in real life and you can really see her love for the character of Rebekah too, I also liked her other work in A Violent Separation, 47 Meters Down and no I’ve never seen H20...yet

19 - The Originals hands down, although so far TVD is in second place, with Legacies in third place but with Legacies still going I have high hopes for that climbing...all are fabulous shows in their own rights <3

20 - Okay I wouldn’t be me if I did not answer this future episode question without a link to a fanfic season 6 of mines... Origins of Magic and my alternative season 5 Bad Blood

21 - Off the top of my head? Davina and Kol teaching at Salvatore Boarding School, giving Hope some family connections that she severely lacks in Legacies and how awesome would they be as teachers? I’d also like to see a cousin whether it be Freya and Keelin’s son Nik or Rebekah and Marcel adopt a child (creature) that also ends up in Legacies. Side note - may put this in my possible fanfic ideas board...

22 - I don’t think I could claim to be most like any one individual, I’d say I was definitely a little dorky like Josh but nowhere near as adorable, I have a lot of hurt inside of me like Davina and protect my friends as much as I can, I’ve definitely got a bit of paranoia like Klaus from being screwed over many times like him and also like them it was mostly by family members, I’m definitely as curious and of a quiz like nature as Camille, love a little too easy like Rebekah and get my hear broken too often like her too, can be a little bit twistedly playful like Kol although I’ve not killed half as many people ; I’d love to one day be as elegant as Elijah, or as brave as Hayley and who would not want to be a Tribrid like Hope?

23 - How is this any different to 4? Although I’ll just answer Inadu purely because of the waste of potential and how not one single time did I give a damn about her, although I despised that vampire bitch who killed Hayley!!!

24 - I definitely relate to Klaus, Rebekah, Josh and Davina the most which is why they are my favorites no doubt.

25 - Klaus Mikaelson, any day, any time, anywhere, unless of course him and Caroline make it work I love their love more than I love my love for Klaus so I’d be happy just watching them being happy as a stalker lurking in the bushes within the back garden of their marital home - side not another statement that could be put on record for my eventful visit to the asylum..

26 - The family bonds, I love how it’s not all about romances like it is in TVD and so far Legacies, but still has romances at the same time. I love the complicated bonds between Klaus and his siblings Rebekah, Elijah, and Kol (in that order) and I love the little homemade family of Marcel with Davina and Josh (also in that order) and Marcel’s complicated father/son relationship with Klaus.

I also love how we watch Hope from being in Hayley’s womb, to a baby, toddler, child and then teenager and the powers she shows even from as young as being a baby and stopping the car she was in with Cami (even if that did save Cami’s life for a little longer) sorry not sorry we all got to hate on somebody and I did compliment her in 22 sort of lol

27 - The fact that its finale season served more like a prequel to Legacies than a fitting ending to a show I had been invested in since before it even began airing, as most fans were, we have loved these characters since their inception in TVD and it did kind of feel like Julie kind of started the finale season with a hit list in mind killing off anyone she’d think would not cameo in Legacies at some stage which I guess is why there is so much ill will from TO fans for Legacies, which I did feel for a while.

I mean I still blame Hope for Klaus and Hayley’s deaths, also Elijah for Hayley’s death and Marcel for Josh’s but I do not blame the characters have as much as I blame Plec.

28 - Season 5 lol, Season 4 although at the time I did not want it to be its end, would have served as a better ending for TO and they could have still made Legacies work without any ill will of making TO’s finale season pitch Legacies.

29 - The Hollow turning out to be Henrik, or the original witch, or anything other than what is was, also the werewolf origins should’ve have been a bit more epic like the vampires origins were.

30 - I do love Joseph Morgan and Daniel Gillies in interviews, Daniel Gillies is one of the funniest actors behind the scenes and has great bromances with Joseph, Paul Wesley and many others within the TVD verse. I also love Claire Holt’s and Phoebe Tonkin’s friendship and how that’s been a thing since they starred in H20 together (which I want to watch purely because of those two)

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artificialqueens · 4 years

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Wild Flower, Chapter Eleven, (Shalaska) 11/11 - Freyja

A/N: Guys. We’re at the end. I literally still can’t comprehend it - my brain is still planning on beginning the next chapter tomorrow like it has been for the last two months (please don’t ask me how I wrote this in only two months - quarantine is a special time).

It’s really bittersweet - I’ve finished a multichap! It’s as long as a novel! But, I’m going to miss writing this story and this world so, so much. It’s my favorite thing I’ve ever written, and I’m sad it’s over. I’m going to miss everything about it, but I’m really damn proud of it, too. My baby’s going to college, you guys :’)

I want to thank Frey for betaing this entire fic - I love her so much and she’s the best. It’s just facts, people. Here’s hoping she doesn’t drop me like a hot potato before I can get anything else out (because this isn’t the end of me - just the end of my niche cowboy fic that I’m grateful even one person read).

I want to thank everyone for their comments and asks and messages - I love every single one of them, and they really did get my ass into gear. If any of y'all want to shoot me ( @narcoleptic-drag-queen ) asks about this fic (headcanons or questions or anything) or really anything else, I welcome it all. If y'all want an epilogue or any sort of spin off stories, let me know about that as well. I’m sentimental, and I’ll take any excuse not to leave this fic alone just yet.

And now, to top it all off: the playlist, previous chapters (in order), AO3, and the playlist @barbiehytes made (which is better than mine). Thank you for reading, everyone - I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. <3<3<3

Summary: Solomon has Sharon, and the girls go to get her. Alaska will do anything to get her back. Anything.

🌸

“Most of those he did kill deserved what they got.” — A Lincoln County, New Mexico resident talking of Billy the Kid

🌸

For a moment, all Alaska can hear is the sound of her heart pounding in her ears, the world tilting dizzyingly as soon as Phi Phi’s words hit her.

Solomon has her.

Her stomach churns, nausea rising to the back of her throat. Solomon has Sharon. The man who’d killed Chad Michaels in cold blood, seemingly just for fun, has Sharon. The same man who now has reason to hate Sharon, can now do whatever he wants with her. Lawrence Solomon, the man who’s name sends a shiver down Alaska’s spine, has the woman she loves, and he very likely wants to kill her.

All she can do is stare at Phi Phi, unable to form any of the questions she has, shock making her mind numb and her body detached. She hears Willam call for the other women, but it feels like a memory already, like it’s happening far away.

She watches as Roxxxy arrives, a large shotgun in hand, to take her place next to Jinkx’s pale figure. She watches Morgan run towards Willam like a bullet had never been in her thigh, exchanging quiet words with the blonde that Alaska couldn’t hope to hear even if her ears weren’t ringing deafeningly.

She watches Morgan nod at Willam before marching up to Cerrone, reaching Phi Phi’s side with a sneer. She grabs Phi Phi’s shirt and pulls her down violently, and she collapses on the ground in an ungraceful heap. Phi Phi’s sharp cry of pain succeeds in jerking Alaska back into her body, adrenaline flooding through her instead.

“Someone get her to the post,” Willam orders, her voice betraying nothing. Her face, however, is completely drained of color. “We can’t have her running on us.”

Phi Phi doesn’t cry out again when Morgan jerks her arms behind her back, but she grimaces, glaring at Willam with bloodshot eyes. “I didn’t do this,” she snarls, and Morgan shakes her a little, making her sentence end with a whimper of pain.

“I don’t care,” Willam says coldly. “It doesn’t even matter that I don’t believe you.”

“Fuck you,” Phi Phi says. “I came to warn you, I–”

“Exactly,” Willam says. “And that’s suspicious as fuck.”

Phi Phi opens her mouth again, but Morgan cuts her off with another shake. “She’s not interested,” she sneers. “Didn’t you hear?”

Phi Phi doesn’t respond, gritting her teeth, and Willam takes the opportunity to pat her down for weapons. Surprisingly, she comes up with nothing. Alaska is just as confused as Willam looks - surely, Phi Phi would have at least a knife.

Maybe, Alaska thinks darkly, she’s trying to trick us.

“What the fuck?” Willam asks, and Phi Phi glares.

“You took all of my weapons, remember?” she snaps.

“No,” Willam says simply. “But I don’t mind skipping to step two.”

“If you tie me to that post,” Phi Phi says, growing panicked as Morgan tries to march her forwards. She digs her heels into the dirt, stopping Morgan and displaying more strength than Alaska had expected. Her voice, however, is strained as she finishes her sentence. “I won’t tell you anything.”

“Sure,” Willam says dryly, but Alaska feels a thrill of panic run through her at the threat. Even if they manage to crack Phi Phi, it will take too long. She needs to know now.

She steps forward to stop them, to tell Morgan to just shake it out of Phi Phi here and now, but Jinkx beats her to it, raising her voice for the first time since Phi Phi’s grand entrance.

“Stop,” she says, and her voice is wobbly. “I don’t want to make things more difficult than they already are. Not when Sharon’s in danger.” Her voice breaks on the last word, and Alaska’s stomach dips as well, worry rising in her throat.

“How are we supposed to know she’s telling the truth?” Willam asks, flicking her gun lazily at Phi Phi, making her flinch. “I don’t trust her. Wild animals need to be restrained.”

Another flash of panic runs through Alaska like a shock. “Restraining her isn’t going to do anything but make getting Sharon harder,” she says, but Willam’s sharp look silences her from saying any more.

“I think I know what I’m doing,” Willam says, glancing at Phi Phi with something like disgust. “She deserves to be tied up for this.”

“Alaska’s right,” Jinkx says, and Willam’s eyes roll up towards the sky. “I don’t trust her either, but I think we’re going to get the truth a little faster if she’s in the mood to cooperate.”

“Or we’ll get whatever lie she’s got cooked up,” Roxxxy sneers from beside her, and Alaska resists the urge to snap at her to shut up. Phi Phi snarls.

“I’m not lying!” she says, voice loud. “I’m done lying for that bastard!”

“Now that’s interesting,” Willam says, peering curiously down at Phi Phi’s scowling face. “I thought you said you would die for him.”

“That’s when I thought he would die for me,” Phi Phi says, and her voice cracks. “I’m not trying to trick you. Just - please, don’t tie me up.”

“Sharon does always say you’re bad at lyin’,” Willam says, frowning a little. “She says she likes it when he brings you along, because all you do is give him away.”

Phi Phi laughs bitterly. “Makes sense,” she says. “I guess it’s easier to trick me and get shit done that way.” Alaska pauses at that, once again taken aback, the frustration that comes with confusion clenching in her chest. What the hell is Phi Phi talking about?

There’s a beat of silence, and Roxxxy creeps forwards a little, her gun still trained on Phi Phi’s face.

“How do we know she’s not just stalling?” she asks. “How do we know this isn’t all one big ploy to lead Solomon up here to get the rest of us? How do we know Sharon’s not already dead?”

Alaska feels the world tilt again, her stomach plunging with sudden fear. No.

“Because Sharon wouldn’t let that happen,” Jinkx says harshly. “That’s - that’s impossible.”

“Roxxxy,” Willam says, her eyes on Jinkx. Her voice is surprisingly gentle, and Alaska follows her gaze to find Jinkx on the brink of tears, her cheeks flushed an angry red. She feels her own pressing against the back of her throat. “Make yourself useful and go get Kameron.”

Roxxxy frowns. “I’m not saying–”

“Just do it,” Morgan cuts in, and Roxxxy turns without further question, making her way up to the tent nearest Sharon’s. Alaska watches her go, nausea still high in her throat and her heart pounding so hard she can feel it in her fingertips. Even with Roxxxy gone, her words are still a shard in the center of Alaska’s chest, something she doesn’t think will go away until Sharon is back and unharmed.

She tries to ignore the doubt creeping into her mind, choosing her anger instead of her distress. Sharon will be alright - if she isn’t, Alaska will do anything to make sure no one else is, either.

“Spill.”

Willam’s piercing voice tugs her out of her thoughts, and she turns her gaze back to the situation at hand, surprised to see anger making itself known in Willam’s expression as she continues, “And if I even get a feeling that you’re lying, Morgan will twist your arm until you start crying for your mother.”

“Luckily for me,” Phi Phi mutters, glaring up at Willam, “I don’t plan on lying.”

“Congratulations,” Willam says, voice flat. “Maybe you’ll get to keep your arm.”

Alaska thinks Phi Phi is lucky that she isn’t the one holding her, panic and anger making her desperate to hit something - desperate to hit Phi Phi, who isn’t as repentant as Alaska thinks she should be. She should be groveling. She should be begging.

“What were you doing with Sharon?” Jinkx asks after a moment, her voice still shaky, but her expression determined. “Let’s start with that.”

There’s a pause as Phi Phi clearly gets her thoughts in order, frowning as her eyes drift towards the ground. She takes long enough that Roxxxy has time to return with a grave Kameron, and the sight of them has impatience snapping in Alaska’s chest.

“Well?” Alaska snaps, and Phi Phi glares at her.

“Be patient,” she snarls, but her expression softens after a beat, her scowl turning into a slight frown. “It isn’t – It wasn’t my idea,” she starts, “so don’t blame me.”

“I think we’ll decide who to blame when you finish the story,” Willam says, like she’s putting off choosing what she wants Alyssa to cook for dinner. “Which better be the next thing out of your mouth. Otherwise, we’re tying you to the post whether you like it or not.”

Phi Phi scowls, but she takes a deep breath, pressing her lips together. “Sharon decided she wanted to accept Solomon’s peace treaty,” she says, and disbelieving shock once again has Alaska’s organs turning to liquid. Roxxxy clearly feels the same, because she cuts in before Phi Phi can continue.

“She’s lying,” she says, but Willam puts a hand up before Morgan can jostle Phi Phi again. Alaska doesn’t miss the way Willam’s eyes glance towards her, and her heart stutters at the implication.

“Let her finish,” Willam says, looking back at Phi Phi, and Phi Phi waits another moment before continuing.

“I told her that she was lucky, because today is the day that Solomon wanted to meet with her,” she says, and her voice is still, strangely, bitter. “Sharon took me with her in the spirit of the treaty, to give me back. But Solomon didn’t seem very interested in me - just in talking. Stalling.”

“It was a trap,” Willam says, realization dawning in her eyes. “There was no peace treaty.” Alaska’s stomach jolts, her breath catching on an inhale. If Sharon had been right before, but had listened to Alaska’s naivety anyway–

She’s an idiot, Alaska thinks, her heart hurting. But so am I.

“No,” Phi Phi says darkly. “There wasn’t. Solomon’s a good actor - he even had me fooled. He got Sharon to shake his hand. He didn’t let go, and Sharon was trying to reach for her gun when suddenly, men were swarming us. They got Sharon pretty fast, and when I tried to help her - well. They didn’t hesitate to shoot at me.” She pauses, hurt flickering across her face before anger settles back onto her features, the emotion clearly easier to handle. Alaska feels her own rise in response. “They shot my horse, and while I was grabbing Sharon’s, another bullet went through my arm. I ran before they could do any more damage. I don’t know what their plan is with Sharon - all I know is that Solomon likes to play with his victims. And Sharon’s certainly one he won’t want to waste.”

There’s a deafening silence as she finishes, and Alaska stares in numb shock before anger starts to pool within her, Phi Phi’s story slowly unfolding within her mind.

Sharon is in danger, very likely already hurt, and it’s Phi Phi’s fault. It makes Alaska clench her fists, the feeling of her nails cutting into her palms only making her angrier.

“So,” she says slowly, her anger forming a typhoon in her chest. “It’s your fault.”

“Alaska–” Jinkx starts, her voice gentle, but Phi Phi beats her to the punch.

“I wasn’t the only one pushing for the peace treaty,” she snaps. “And I’m definitely not the one that convinced Sharon.”

Alaska feels the accusation like a punch to the gut, hurt and regret sharp in her stomach. “How did you–”

“Sharon likes to talk,” Phi Phi sneers. “I don’t think that’s news to anyone here.”

Alaska itches to hurt her, but she stays back, shaking with anger. “You abandoned her,” she says, her voice growing louder. “You left her there to be taken and you stole her only–”

“They were shooting at me!” Phi Phi shouts over her, leaning forwards like she wants to get closer. “My own camp - my own– argh!” She’s cut off with another cry of pain, having pulled a little too hard against Morgan.

“Get her to Katya,” Willam tells Morgan, but Alaska isn’t finished.

As Morgan begins to march Phi Phi towards the med-tent, Alaska steps forward, opening her mouth to snap back, but before she can form any words, a hand closes around her wrist, stopping her from going very far. She flinches, and she whips her head around to find Jinkx looking at her with a worried expression.

“Alaska,” she says, “it wasn’t her fault.”

Anger flashes through Alaska like lightning, and she jerks her hand away, betrayal mixing in with the hurt. “Are you kidding? She–”

“Alaska,” Jinkx repeats, her voice soft, too soft, and Alaska stares at her, her chest heaving with anger, worry, hurt, regret, shock, guilt–

She bursts into tears.

Jinkx immediately pulls her into a hug, and Alaska can only resist for a brief moment before she gives in, melting into Jinkx and sobbing into her shoulder. She might not get to fix her mistake - she might be to blame for Sharon’s. Right when she had been about to start a new life, to confess her love and her devotion, it had all been ripped away from her. It’s unfair, and it feels good to cry, to let all of her anger and fear out onto Jinkx, who holds her so tightly that she actually feels something like safety.

“Sharon–” she chokes out, and Jinkx shushes her.

“She’s going to be fine,” she says, but Alaska hears the way her voice wobbles. “She’s always fine. We’ll come up with a plan.”

Alaska nods, desperately clinging to her words with a hope that she can only pray isn’t foolish. She sucks in a shaky breath, slowing her sobs. They’ll get Sharon out of this. They have to. Sharon just has to be strong enough to wait for them, and Alaska has no doubts about that.

She pulls away, still sniffling, and she takes Jinkx’s hands in hers, squeezing them as hard as she can. “Thank you,” she whispers, and Jinkx smiles, her own face streaked with tear tracks.

“It’ll be fine,” she tells her again, and resolve steels in Alaska’s gut at the words.

“We’ll get her out,” she says, and she believes it.

She has to.

🌸

“We’ll be no good to her dead,” Willam is saying, cradling a cup of coffee in her hands. Alaska wraps Jinkx’s shawl around herself a little tighter, shivering despite the fire roaring in front of her, her face uncomfortably warm compared to the rest of her body. “So, sorry, Katya, but storming the place isn’t going to be very successful.”

They’ve been making plans for four hours now, each woman throwing out an idea only to be shot down by Willam or Morgan, both more suited for strategy and logic than any of the other women. The sun set around an hour ago, and impatience is threatening to burst out of Alaska in unfriendly ways.

“Why not?” Katya asks, throwing her hands up. “Brute force is a surefire way to get in there!”

“Did you miss the part where Phi Phi said Solomon is camped out in an old mansion?” Willam asks. “We can’t storm a house like that - it’s too defended.”

“When did we decide to trust Phi Phi, again?” Detox asks, eyeing Phi Phi warily. Phi Phi glares back from her place next to Morgan, her hands and feet both bound with rope. She’d been given two options: the post, or to have her hands and feet restrained. She’d chosen the latter, but she’d still been pissed about it. Alaska can’t find it within herself to have any sympathy for her.

“Stop acting like we haven’t answered that question already, Detox,” Jinkx says, clearly annoyed. “She’s the only person who’s actually seen Solomon’s hideaway.”

“She’s the only person who’s ever been aligned with him!” Roxxxy argues, and Jinkx’s lips flatten.

“For once, can you two not be difficult?”

Roxxxy gives her a dark look. “For once, can you not be–”

“Ladies!” Alyssa interrupts from between them, stretching her hands out to either side of her. “This isn’t a time for arguing, bickering, or hollering! This is why we’ve been sitting here for four hours freezing our asses off!”

“And our tits,” Willam adds. “Can we get back to shooting down everyone’s idiotic plans?”

Katya shrugs, seemingly unbothered. “I never said I was a battle strategist,” she says, and Willam snorts.

“I don’t think we ever thought you were,” she says, and Alaska loses grip on her patience, growing tired of the meandering everyone seems to be doing.

“Are we trying to make a plan?” she asks, her voice sharp. “Or are we just waiting until there’s no reason to make a plan, anymore?”

“We’re making a plan,” Morgan says. “But it’s not like we’re going to ride out as soon as we have one. We need to wait until daylight, so we can scout the camp. It isn’t far.”

“According to Phi Phi,” Roxxxy mutters, but Alaska seems to be the only one that hears it, the others instead training their eyes on Willam, who’s clearing her throat.

“I still think the best plan is to just sneak in, and sneak out,” she says. “We have rifles around the camp, and two of us sneak into the shed to get Sharon out.”

“No doubt there’s a guard,” Morgan says, and Willam nods.

“I can take him out without too much trouble,” she says, “I’m good with a knife.”

“I am too,” Kameron pipes up, her Tennessee drawl practically dripping off of her words. She hadn’t spoken much during the discussion, but when she had, it was only good points. Alaska finds herself trusting her judgement more than some of the other women, despite her unfamiliarity. “Just in case there’s more than one.”

“Good,” Willam says, and Detox makes a displeased sound.

“Revenge can’t be the goal, Detox,” Jinkx says, and it sounds like she’s treading lightly, trying to avoid another fight. “This is the safest way we can get Sharon out. Alive.”

“Solomon needs to pay,” Roxxxy says, and Alaska would be amused by her and Detox’s back and forth routine if a dark part of her wasn’t agreeing with their need for violence. “To let him get away with this unscathed is cowardice.”

“You’re acting like we can’t just return to him with bigger guns,” Katya says.

“If he manages to move camp, we won’t,” Morgan says. “But even if it is one or the other, Sharon’s safety comes first.”

“There has to be a way of getting both, though,” Roxxxy says, and Alaska rolls her lips between her teeth.

“Let’s take a vote,” she says, her heart thrumming beneath her skin, shaky with nerves. The feeling hasn’t ceased since Phi Phi had rounded the corner on Cerrone. “Since clearly, we’re incapable of making any progress by talking it out.”

“Good idea,” Willam says, and she raises her hand, hindered only slightly by her corset. “All in favor of keeping Sharon safe, say ‘aye’.”

“Do you want to be fair, or do you want to be a bitch?” Roxxxy snaps, unamused. Willam shrugs.

“Fine. All in favor of not making things worse, say ‘aye’.”

Katya lets out a wheeze, and Alaska has to hold back her own snort, reluctantly amused. Roxxxy looks murderous.

“Why can’t you just–”

“It’s fine,” Detox says, although she looks annoyed as well. She puts a hand over Roxxxy’s in an attempt to calm her down. “It’s just Willam. It would be pointless to argue.”

“It is me,” Willam says. “And it’s pointless to argue because I’m right. Now, raise your hands up where I can see them.”

Alaska raises her hand without hesitation, although anger does churn in her gut at the thought of Solomon getting away with what he’s done. Sharon comes first - and she’s certain that Sharon would like her own piece of revenge, as well.

Alaska resolves to find Solomon again, if he does escape. With the law off of the table, she’s comfortable serving her own justice. She’s comfortable enacting her own vengeance.

It feels good.

She counts the hands raised, and is surprised to count Detox and Roxxxy’s among them. Willam seems to realize this just a few moments after Alaska, because she puts her hand down with a certain degree of smugness, a small smirk at the corner of her mouth.

“What made y’all change your minds?” she asks, and Roxxxy takes a deep breath.

“We want revenge,” she says. “But not more than we want Sharon safe. It wasn’t a hard decision.”

“Thank you,” Jinkx says, and although Roxxxy avoids looking at her, Detox mirrors her smile easily.

“We’re not always difficult,” she says, and Jinkx’s smile grows.

“Only twenty three hours out of the day,” she says.

“Only when Sharon’s the thing we’re arguing about,” Detox corrects, and the reminder casts a silence over them all, Willam’s plan cementing itself in their minds.

“So,” Katya says, after a few moments, “who will be going tomorrow, and how many bandages should I be prepared to use?”

“Hopefully no bandages,” Willam says, and then she casts a thoughtful glance around the circle of logs, her face almost ghoulish in the firelight. “It’ll be me, Roxxxy, Kameron, Morgan, and Alyssa. Detox still can’t move well, and we need some people at camp just in case it really is a trap.”

“I’m going,” Alaska snaps, panic once again making her stomach dip sickeningly.

“Alaska–”

“I’m going,” she repeats, meeting Willam’s gaze with as much determination as she feels. She’s going. There’s no other way. She’ll sneak out of camp to follow them, if she has to. “There’s no way in hell I’m going to sit here worrying about what’s happening. I’m coming with you.”

“You can’t shoot,” Willam says. “You haven’t proven any loyalty, you–”

Anger abruptly bursts in Alaska’s chest, the accusation a spear shooting through her body. “I love Sharon more than you could ever know,” she says, and she means it. God, does she mean it. “Don’t talk to me about loyalty - I have given up everything for her. I’m not about to lose one of the things that I got in return.”

There’s a beat of silence as Willam looks at her, her eyes thoughtful. “Alright,” she finally says, and Alaska thinks that her expression might be a little softer. “But you still can’t shoot.”

“She’s sneaky, though,” Roxxxy says, and Alaska stares at her, surprise briefly knocking her anger out of its place. Roxxxy meets her gaze with something like amusement, like she knows her generosity is unexpected. “She got past Detox and I the first night she was here, and I woke up today when Detox shifted just a little too violently. She can help get Sharon out of whatever hole they have her tied up in.”

Alaska finds herself puffing up a little, pride swelling in her chest and hope threading through it as she looks at Willam expectantly. Willam holds her stare for a long moment, impassive, before she suddenly sighs, relaxing a little with exasperation.

“Fine,” she says, and Alaska lets out the breath that she’d been holding.

“Thank you,” she breathes, and Jinkx takes her hand, squeezing it. Willam rolls her eyes.

“If this is some stupid attempt to get back at me–”

“It’s not,” Roxxxy interrupts. “I think she’s a good addition. And I think she needs to be there - God knows I know what it’s like to worry over someone you love.”

“She’s right,” Alaska says, and she believes it. “I know what I’m doing. And we’re going to get Sharon out.”

🌸

Alaska can’t sleep.

It’s her second night without Sharon, and the empty space beside her feels like ice, like Sharon’s warmth had been the only thing standing between her and the cold darkness. She curls up on Sharon’s bedroll to help fill the emptiness she can’t stop feeling in her chest, burying her face into her pillow to breath in the other woman’s scent, but she still feels her absence like a bullet wedged between her ribs.

She can’t stop thinking about where Sharon is instead, her heart pounding so hard that she feels like she might vomit. Her stomach churns as she thinks about Sharon tied up somewhere, about Sharon getting hurt, about Sharon getting tortured, about Sharon getting killed–

She squeezes her eyes shut, a few tears spilling over her cheeks and onto Sharon’s pillow. There’s no point in thinking about it - they’re leaving as soon as they can, and they can’t help whatever happens before that. Even still, nightmarish images continue to flash behind her eyelids, and she gives into the little sob that crawls up her throat.

Jinkx had invited her to sleep with her and Alyssa, but Alaska had refused, the thought of Sharon’s tent standing empty making her heart ache. It was an irrational feeling, but it had felt dangerously symbolic, so she had told Jinkx that she’d rather be alone.

She regrets it, now.

Sharon’s tent feels dark and unfamiliar without the fury that had clouded her thoughts the night previous, and it makes her jumpy as well as distressed, every snap of a branch or sigh of the wind making her tense up. Jinkx had lent her a revolver once again, telling her that Alyssa’s sharp aim would be enough to cover her if something happened, but it still feels strange in Alaska’s hands, the trigger too close and the handle too thick.

She still doesn’t trust Phi Phi. Her hurt does seem real, and both Willam and Sharon have cited her as a bad actress, but Alaska can’t bring herself to forgive Phi Phi’s part in how Sharon was taken. She may have been innocent, but she’s the one who knows Solomon best - she should have seen through his lie. She should have known that peace was never on his agenda.

That said, Sharon should have as well.

Alaska would be lying if she said a tiny part of her wasn’t also upset with Sharon’s role in this disaster. She had been so resistant to it when Alaska had asked, when they had been on good terms (and the thought that they still aren’t makes Alaska’s stomach twist) – what had made her decide to go against her own judgement? To forget about his previous betrayal and give him a second chance? It seems so stupid, and Alaska wants to take her by the shoulders, ask her what had made her act so foolish so suddenl–

It hits her like a ton of bricks.

Sharon was trying to apologize.

Alaska can recall their fight almost to the word, but this time, it’s not Sharon’s words that work their way under her skin - instead, it’s her own.

You expect me to make these changes for you, Sharon, but you aren’t even willing to budge for me!

Sharon must have been making an attempt, some stupid, grand gesture to entice Alaska back into camp. She’d just picked the wrong thing to bend on.

Warmth flutters up in Alaska’s chest, love and pleasure briefly settling the torrent of emotions still running through her, but guilt snuffs it quickly. She’s just as culpable as Sharon and Phi Phi - perhaps even more so. If she hadn’t been so selfish - if she had just taken a moment to think about how Sharon has changed for her - if she had thought about her words before she spit them out–

She inhales when she realizes that she’s holding her breath, breathing in more of Sharon’s scent as she does. She comforts herself with the thought that Sharon was trying to make amends - clearly, Alaska hadn’t broken their relationship beyond repair.

Sharon hadn’t told anyone where she was going - she was likely expecting to be back before Alaska left. Or, she hadn’t expected Alaska to leave at all.

Guilt once again drops into her stomach like an anchor, but she wipes it away the best that she can, already nauseous with fear and anger. Sharon had told her to leave. Sharon should have been smart enough to talk to her, rather than leaving without telling anyone why.

God, she misses her.

Alaska wraps her blankets around herself more tightly, curling further into herself. She needs to sleep, she needs to be sharp for tomorrow, but she doesn’t think her heart rate is going to slow anytime soon. She can’t sleep when she knows Sharon probably isn’t either - when she knows that Sharon probably can’t.

We’ll save her, she tells herself, clenching her fists into the blankets. We can do it.

She trusts Willam - she trusts that she knows what she’s doing. Willam knows how to play the game, how to navigate this world even better than Jinkx, and she cares about Sharon. The thought soothes some of Alaska’s anxiety.

She trusts the women at camp. It’s not a sudden realization, but one that’s been coming for a long time, creeping in like fog down the mountain tops. It’s comforting to be able to finally trust, to finally feel like she belongs amongst these women that she had once found so frightening and alien.

She trusts them to get Sharon back. She trusts them to protect her while they do it. She trusts them.

She finally drifts off, clinging to her realization with a desperation she doesn’t think she’s ever felt before, the idea comforting enough that she can allow herself to let go of how her stomach twists at every thought.

They will save Sharon, and Alaska will see her again.

She has to.

🌸

Solomon’s camp can hardly be called a camp - it’s a house, nestled in the foothills of the mountains and abandoned (no doubt) due to a poor foundation, with a barn and a tool shed not far from it. Men mill around the place like ants, and Alaska has to squint to see them with any clarity, their vantage point just far enough that binoculars are required.

She’s exhausted - she’d been woken by nightmares throughout the night, and it had felt like she’d gotten only five minutes of sleep before Willam had nudged her awake, the toe of her boot sharp against Alaska’s side. She’d worried over the headache that had been pressing against the backs of her eyes as they’d all reviewed the plan, but now, as she looks down at the shed that Sharon is being kept in, she feels more awake than she’d been since Honard, adrenaline making her headache vanish and her body wired with energy.

“There isn’t a guard by the shed,” Willam says, her binoculars pressed up against her eyes. “Was Phi Phi a hundred percent on the shed being where hostages get tied up?”

“She was,” Morgan says. “Someone’s probably inside with her.”

Alaska feels nausea leap into her throat at the implication, turning from Morgan’s face to look back down at the shed, hatred boiling in her gut. She wants to run to it, sprint to Sharon and get her out as fast as she can, but she forces herself to relax. They were scouting first for a reason - running down only to be apprehended by a man hiding in the bushes wouldn’t be much use to Sharon.

Willam heaves a sigh. “Shit,” she mutters, and she’s silent for a moment before she speaks again. “Well, that’ll make him easier to kill.”

Alaska glances at the wicked knife at Willam’s hip, and she thinks about it in someone’s back. It doesn’t make her stomach dip with dread, and the satisfaction of knowing that it will be going into someone possibly hurting Sharon doesn’t scare her. Instead, it makes her more anxious to put the plan into motion, to speed things along faster. She’s willing to kill if it means that Sharon won’t be. Anything to make sure Sharon isn’t hurt any more.

“Looks like Kameron, Roxxxy, and Alyssa are in position,” Morgan says, and Willam nods.

“Good,” she says. “Let Alaska borrow your binoculars, so that I can tell her exactly where we’ll be going.”

Morgan passes her binoculars over wordlessly, shifting into a shooting position as Alaska takes them, her rifle pressed right up against her cheek. Alaska takes a deep breath at the sight of her before raising the binoculars to her face, turning back to the shed. They’re doing this. Nerves shoot through her at the thought, but she steels herself against them, nothing but Sharon echoing through her mind.

She’s ready.

“Alright,” Willam starts, as soon as Alaska finishes adjusting the binoculars. “We’re going to keep at least a hundred foot difference until the shed is between us and that ugly house. We’ll creep up the side facing us right now. I’ll go in first, while you stand guard. I’ll kill whoever’s in there, and I’ll grab Sharon - be prepared to help carry her back up here, the same way we came. I don’t know what kind of - what kind of condition she’ll be in.” Her voice dips a little as she stutters over the words, and fear runs through Alaska in response, crawling under her skin like ants.

“Alright,” Alaska says, trying her best to keep her voice from warbling. She succeeds, mostly. “Got it.”

“You can’t fuck it up,” Willam warns, her eyes serious when she turns to look at Alaska. “We can’t afford that right now.”

“I won’t,” Alaska says, and she means it. She’s never been good with following instructions, but she thinks that for Sharon, she’d do anything. “You can trust me.”

“I have to, at this point,” Willam says, but Alaska sees her relax somewhat. She takes a breath, taking one last look over the shed before she sets the binoculars down. “Are you ready?”

Alaska copies her, sucking in a deep breath. She draws up her anger, her worry, her love. “Yes,” she says, and she lets some of her emotion shine through. Willam nods at her.

“Morgan?” she says, and Morgan grunts. “Flash the mirror. We’re going.”

Morgan looks back at Willam, her eyebrows raised. “Good fucking luck,” she says, and Willam starts crawling back down the little hill they’d been on.

“Good fucking luck,” Willam repeats grimly, and it sounds rehearsed, like it’s an old joke that’s suddenly gone sour. She stands as soon as the top of their small ledge is at eye level, dusting off the pants that she’d changed into for this. Alaska is grateful for her own as she follows Willam’s lead, going a little further down to accommodate for her height.

Willam waits for Morgan to take a small mirror out of her pocket, using it to flash the bright sunlight at the other side of the camp, signalling to Alyssa and Kameron that the plan is being set in motion. Then, she turns to Alaska.

“Draw your gun,” she says. “They’ll be on their guard now that they have Sharon, but don’t shoot unless it’s absolutely necessary. Follow my lead.”

Alaska obeys, pulling the worn gun that she’d found at the bottom of one of Sharon’s drawers from the holster at her hip, the grip comfortable in her hands. For the first time, wielding a gun feels natural, and she doesn’t know if it’s because she’s held one enough times, or if it’s because this one belongs to Sharon.

They creep along the path that Willam had planned out earlier, low to the ground and on the lookout for any eyes turned their way. Alaska’s heart stutters a couple of times when a member of the camp turns towards them, but there are enough trees that their eyes skip over them each time.

It’s hard not to sprint towards the shed, her instincts screaming at her that running is the safest route, that the less time they can be seen in, the better, but she forces herself to match Willam’s slow crawl, the logic of moving too slow to be noticeable winning. It seems to be working, judging by the lack of trouble they’ve run into so far.

As they near the shed, however, a voice far too close makes them freeze, Willam glancing panickedly over at Alaska, who can only stare back with wide-eyed fear.

Fuck.

“–yeah, he’s in with Needles.”

“Vanhern?”

“Yeah. For his brother.”

Willam waves her arm desperately at Alaska, silently urging her to come closer. Alaska does, as quickly as she can assume is safe, and Willam grabs her wrist, yanking her down so that they’re both crouching behind a particularly thick bunch of bushes.

Almost a second later, they hear the sound of spurred boots approaching, the voices growing louder. Alaska imagines that they’d only gone unnoticed because the two men were too wrapped up in each other to even think to look out for anything.

“Good,” the man with the higher voice sneers. “He’s wanted revenge for a while now. That bitch deserves whatever he’s doing to her.”

Alaska freezes, still with overwhelming anger. Her heart starts pounding so hard it hurts, and she tightens her grip on her gun, squeezing so hard her knuckles turn white. What the hell are they doing to Sharon?

“You gonna go for a turn?” the deeper baritone asks. “I was thinkin’ about it.”

“Me too,” the other man says. Alaska can hear the grin in his voice, and it makes her stomach churn. “It’d be the most fun I’ve had in years. I heard she’s real pretty.”

Alaska sees red.

She goes to stand, ready to fire at them point blank, but Willam’s hand over her own has her jerking to a stop. She glares at the other woman only to be met with a warning stare, but it’s the way Willam’s chest seems to be heaving with a similar rage that has Alaska backing down.

Sharon’s safety is priority - she can’t fuck it up before they’ve even seen her.

“A real pretty bitch,” the baritone laughs. “Perfect. I think I might just have to ask Dutch for some time with her, too.”

“You think Dutch’ll get in trouble for how often he’s leaving his post?”

“Sounds like Dutch’s problem.”

Vomit rises to the back of Alaska’s throat as they laugh, her anger only making her stomach twist harder. She can’t even feel the relief she should as she hears them start to walk away, her fury making her hands shake uncontrollably as she stares resolutely at the leaves on the bush she and Willam are crouched behind.

Willam grabs her wrists, steadying them with an unyielding grip. Alaska looks up at her to find an intense expression looking back at her, Willam’s impenetrable facade finally cracking to reveal more anger than she’d expected.

“Don’t let them get to you,” Willam whispers harshly, shaking Alaska’s wrists a little for emphasis. “We’re getting Sharon out, and we need you on your best game. Put your anger in a box for now. Focus.”

“What is that, your morning routine?” Alaska sneers, but regret instantly plunges in her stomach as Willam’s face flickers with hurt. “Sorry,” she whispers. “I know you’re trying to help.”

“I’m trying to help Sharon,” Willam says, her voice hard. “Don’t forget that. You ready?”

Alaska sucks in a deep breath, nodding. Willam nods back, and she immediately starts towards the shed again, after a quick, cautionary look around them for any other surprise visitors. Alaska follows without hesitation, her eyes trained on the shed, Sharon her only goal.

They don’t have much farther to go, and soon they’re pressed up against the splintered wood of the shed, the sound of a man talking bleeding through the panels. Willam looks back at Alaska from her place in front, raising a finger to her lips. She fingers the knife at her belt, and Alaska follows her as she slides along the wall, close to the edge.

The shed, luckily, marks the outskirts of Solomon’s camp, with the mansion, the firepit, and the men around it on the other side of the shed, the barn acting as the marker for the opposite end. Alaska spots the two men that had passed them earlier walking just ahead, circling the perimeter, and she knows Willam has spotted them as well.

They wait an eternity for the men to disappear behind the mansion, Alaska growing sweaty from the baking sunlight and the man’s voice inside droning on and on. She tries not to think about how there’s no one responding to him.

The moment the two perimeter guards are out of sight, they curve around the edge of the shed, Willam taking one side of the crooked door, and Alaska the other, both still pressed flat against the wall.

Willam begins counting with her fingers, mouthing the numbers along with them.

One, two, th–

The man suddenly begins shouting, making both Alaska and Willam jump. Alaska’s heart stops beating for a moment, frozen with fear as the man’s words echo out of the shed with disturbing clarity.

“Don’t got a response for that either, bitch?” he shouts, and Alaska shivers at the raw anger his voice holds. “How about now?”

There’s a horrifying moment of silence, before a sob of pain bursts out, the voice clearly Sharon’s.

Alaska’s blood turns to ice.

She’s moving before she can think twice about it, wrenching her wrist away from Willam’s desperate attempt to stop her with surprising ease. All she can hear is the blood rushing through her ears, and she kicks the door open, the adrenaline rushing through her making it feel like no more than tissue paper.

Both occupants of the room jump as the door bangs against the wall, and Alaska takes in the scene before her quickly, the room strangely warm. Her eyes hone in on Sharon immediately - pale, gasping for breath, and her head bent, dark hair like a curtain in front of her face - and the man crouching in front of her, the back of his shirt drenched with sweat.

He holds a red hot poker in his right hand. Alaska sees the matching burn mark on Sharon’s shoulder, the edges of her shirt blackened from being burned through. Her heart stops at the sight, tears blurring her vision as an uncontrollable anger washes over her.

“Sharon,” she chokes out, and Sharon lifts her head, her eyes widening.

“Alaska?” she breathes out, chest still heaving. Tear tracks stain down her cheeks, flushed from the heat. Alaska can see her shaking from where she stands, and anger makes her want to sob. “What are you–”

“What the hell?” the man interrupts, standing abruptly. Alaska meets his gaze with a protective fire in her veins, and she raises her revolver, both hands gripping the handle like a lifeline. The man’s eyes grow huge.

Clarity is a sharp accompanist to her fury: she understands, now. She understands what it’s like to choose between protecting those you love and society’s moral code. The decision is easier than she’d expected.

“Alaska,” Willam says from behind her, her voice sharp. “Don’t–”

Alaska pulls the trigger.

The recoil rattles her a little, the gunshot ringing in her ears, and she watches as the man collapses, clutching his stomach and screaming bloody murder.

“Goddamnit, Alaska!” Willam snarls, pushing past her into the shed and slamming the door shut behind her. Shouts can just barely be heard over the man’s screeching. “Great fucking work!”

Alaska stumbles with the force of Willam’s shove, unable to do much but stare at the man writhing on the floor, thick blood coating his fingers as he holds his torso. She’d done that. Nausea rises in her throat at the sight of his face, twisted with agony. She’d done that.

She feels satisfaction spreading from the core of her out to her fingertips. She’d done that.

Her attention immediately snaps to Sharon, Sharon, who’s staring at her like she’s just grown a second head, her eyebrows raised and her jaw slack.

Relief rushes through Alaska so fast that her knees nearly buckle beneath her, and she stumbles towards Sharon, falling to her knees before the other woman. She cups Sharon’s face with both hands, taking her in - her blue eyes, her flushed cheeks, the arch of her eyebrows. “Sharon,” she breathes, the word nearly a sob, “thank god.”

She hears Willam shoot, but she barely registers the gunshot, the man’s sudden silence more comforting than disturbing. Sharon gives her a wobbly smile, the gap between her teeth just barely visible.

“I’m never tying anyone up again,” she says, her laugh sounding more like a sob. “This sucks.”

“I love you,” Alaska says, her voice breaking. “Sharon.”

She lunges forwards, pressing her lips against Sharon’s desperately, love and affection and worry and relief all swirling in her chest as Sharon kisses back. It’s salty from tears and sweat, but Alaska can’t bring herself to mind, enjoying the feeling of Sharon’s warmth beneath her, the other woman solid and finally in her arms.

It feels like a weight being lifted off of her chest, and she suddenly wants to say it again. And again, and again, and again. She pulls away, brushing Sharon’s soaked curls away from her face. “I love you,” she says, her voice wobbly. “I love you, Sharon Needles. Thank god.”

“I love you too,” Sharon tells her, her voice raspier than usual. Her eyes are bright with emotion. “Alaska, I–”

“Later,” Alaska interrupts, rubbing a thumb over Sharon’s cheek. She’s alive. “We need to move fast.”

“I assume shooting Hamilton wasn’t a part of the plan?” Sharon asks as Alaska slides her hands down to mess with the ropes binding her ankles to the legs of the chair, her fingers frustratingly shaky with adrenaline.

“Killing him was,” Alaska says, guilt beginning to trickle into her gut. She can hear shots firing outside of the shed, and Willam shooting back, shouting insults and taunts through the large hole that had been in the side of the door. There had been two rules to the plan: be quiet, and don’t be seen. Alaska had managed to fuck both up royally.

The rope holding Sharon’s left foot loosens, falling to the ground. Alaska immediately starts on the left one, ignoring the way her fingers throb with rope splinters.

“Well,” Sharon says, her voice light. Alaska realizes, with a pang, that she’s trying to comfort Alaska. She thinks, vehemently, that it should be the other way around. “I’ve never been good at the sneak attacks Willam’s so fond of, so I can’t blame you.”

“I never would have guessed,” Alaska shoots back, and Sharon lets out a faint laugh.

“Doesn’t sound very like me, does it?”

Alaska’s fingers slip on the knot for what feels like the third time, and she curses, panic bubbling up in her chest. If she doesn’t get this done quickly enough–

A knife suddenly clatters down beside her, and she flinches, whirling around only to see that Willam had been the culprit.

“It’s a knife,” Willam says, her voice calm as she quickly reloads her rifle. “Use it.” A bullet cracks through the wood a few feet to the left of her, and Alaska startles violently. Willam doesn’t seem phased, turning to poke her rifle through the hole and shouting something unintelligible out at their assailants.

Alaska grabs the knife, her eyebrow twitching a little at how heavy is it, warm from where it’d been against Willam’s hip. She carefully slides it between Sharon’s leg and the rope, sawing with as much force as she can muster. It snaps within seconds, the rope splitting into three sections as it hits the floor.

She lets out a breath. “Thank fuck,” she breathes, and she stands, rounding Sharon to work on the rope binding her hands together. She’s taken aback by what she finds, rage making more tears spring to her eyes.

The rope is double layered around Sharon’s wrists, and Alaska can see the rope burns peeking out beneath it, painful looking blisters rubbed raw from a day’s worth of struggle. “Jesus,” she says, anger and concern making her voice harsh, and she begins cutting at the rope, sawing with a new fury.

The rope falls to pieces, and Sharon gasps with the sudden relief, bringing her hands around to cradle them against her ribcage, flexing her hands as she does so. Alaska sucks in her own breath, moving to kneel in front of Sharon again.

“You definitely have a fever,” she says, glancing at the blotchy red spots high on Sharon’s cheekbones. “Rope burns, and a fucking burn on your shoulder. Anything else?”

“I’m fine,” Sharon says, but she’s shaking, and she hasn’t made any attempt to stand up. She’s still babying her wrists, and Alaska takes one of her hands, squeezing it as panicked concern races through her like lightning.

“You’re not,” she snaps. “We don’t have time for you to lie to us. What else did these bastards do to you?”

Sharon presses her lips together, her lower lip wobbling. Alaska feels like sobbing at the sight of her. “Two burns on the palms of my hands,” she says hurriedly, and Alaska turns the hand she’s holding over, her stomach twisting at the sight of a large welt in the center of Sharon’s palm, bright red and cracked with recent stress, bloodying her hands. “That’s the most of it. I’m pretty sure my ribs are bruised.”

Alaska takes a shuddering breath, pressing her lips to the heel of Sharon’s hand, just below the burn. “I’m glad I shot him,” she says, anger like she’s never felt before rushing through her. “I’m glad he suffered.”

She looks up at Sharon’s face, her chest heaving, and Sharon looks back at her with something like pride, although her eyes are sad.

“Alaska–”

“Guys,” Willam says suddenly, and Sharon’s eyes immediately snap to behind Alaska. Alaska turns, something about the timber of Willam’s voice setting her on edge. Willam stares back at them, her face pale. “Solomon’s just stepped out. He’s calling off his men - he’s asking for a ceasefire.”

Sharon’s face slowly hardens, the vulnerability that had been so visible now hidden behind the mask of a woman who’s murdered more men than Alaska can count. Alaska doesn’t think she’s ever been so relieved to see it.

“Do it,” she says, determination coloring her voice. “Let’s see what he wants.”

Alaska frowns at her, a bad feeling making her heart twist. “Sharon,” she says. “Don’t. Whatever you’re doing–”

“If he wants what I think he wants,” Sharon says, her eyes sparking with anger and resolution. “Then I’ll let him have it. I want it, too.”

“What?” Alaska snaps. “What could he possibly want?”

“Revenge. Fair and square.”

The world outside falls silent, and Willam slowly pulls the door open, sliding her mirror back into her shirt pocket. From the doorway, they have a good view of the mansion, from which a man in denim jeans and a dusty jacket is strolling, his hat tilted proudly back from his face.

Lawrence Solomon.

He’s older - in his sixties, if Alaska had to guess. Clean shaven, with black hair that’s mostly gone gray. His eyes are deep set, and the blue of them is empty like a coffin waiting to be occupied.

Alaska doesn’t think she’s ever felt hatred like this before.

She watches, nausea churning in her gut, as he walks towards the shed, his hands free of any weaponry. A gun glitters at his thigh, however, catching the sunlight, and Alaska readjusts her grip on her own revolver at the sight of it.

“Stop there,” Willam says as Solomon nears them, and he stops without question, around thirty feet away. “What do you want?”

“Needles,” he says, and his voice is deep, gravelly. It makes the hairs on Alaska’s arms stand on end, and she glances at Sharon, protectiveness surging through her. Sharon looks disgusted, an intense fury lying just behind her eyes.

“I want to do this the old fashioned way. Me and Needles, twenty paces apart, one shot each. This is between us.”

“You’re just upset that we have the upper hand,” Willam calls back. “Of course she’s not–”

“I’ll do it,” Sharon says, and Alaska’s breath gets caught in her throat.

“No,” she says, as Willam turns to stare at them. “You won’t.”

“I will,” Sharon says, but as she makes to stand up, she nearly falls, her legs unsteady beneath her. Alaska grabs her wrist as she rights herself, breathing hard. If Sharon goes out there like this–

“You can barely stand,” she says, her voice thick with frustration and tears. “You can’t even use your hands. You’re not going out there.”

“I’ll manage,” Sharon grits out.

“Sharon–”

“Just try and stop me,” Sharon snaps, and Alaska lets out a desperate breath, squeezing Sharon’s wrist to try and make her understand what a bad idea this is.

“I’m waiting!” Solomon singsongs from outside, and Alaska sucks in another breath at the sound of his voice.

“You’ll die,” she whispers in an attempt to keep her tears at bay. It isn’t working. “Sharon, you can’t die, not when I just got you back. Please.”

Sharon’s face softens, and she pulls Alaska into a soft kiss, the hand Alaska isn’t holding coming to rest against her jaw. Alaska kisses her back pleadingly, her gut twisting as Sharon pulls away with a grim expression.

“I need to do this,” she says, and it’s with such finality that Alaska can’t bring herself to stop her from pulling her wrist away, her heart in her throat. “I’m the fastest draw in Colorado,” Sharon tells her as she slowly walks towards the door, smirking confidently. “I’ll win. Don’t worry.”

She grabs her holster from where it was hanging by the door, slinging it across her hips. Alaska feels another tug at her stomach. No.

“Sharon–”

“I love you,” Sharon says. And then, before Alaska can say it back, she steps out of the shed and towards Solomon, who greets her with a grin.

Alaska hates him.

She walks up to stand next to Willam in the doorway, watching nervously as Sharon and Solomon exchange quiet words, Sharon’s face hidden with her back turned to them, but Solomon’s face betraying narrow eyed anger.

“You know how this works?” Willam asks, her eyes never leaving the two leaders. Alaska nods, watching as they stand, back to back, their profiles serious and their guns safe in their holsters.

“Yeah,” she whispers. She thinks she might vomit.

She’d read about duels often as a child, the tradition clogging her history lessons and her favorite novels despite its illegality. The opponents stand, backs touching. They each take ten steps forward, on the count of three. They turn around. They fire.

To win requires a delicate balance of talent and luck, and Alaska can’t stop thinking about Sharon’s condition, about the burns scorched into her palms or the fever burning on her cheeks.

She’s seen how quick Sharon’s draw is, experienced how terrifying it can be. She just doesn’t know if she’ll live up to it after being knocked down so hard.

They begin taking their steps, and Alaska unconsciously tightens her grip on her gun, her finger coming to rest on the trigger. A horrible dread prickles down her spine, and she keeps her eyes on Solomon, despite how his proper posture and his neat steps say otherwise.

One.

Sharon’s chin is up, her expression resolute.

Two.

The buttons on Solomon’s jacket catch the sunlight like flashes of lit gunpowder.

Three.

Sharon’s hair blows in the summer wind, startlingly soft against what she’s about to do.

Four.

Solomon’s hand moves to hover at his hip.

Five.

Solomon stops, glancing behind him towards Sharon. Alaska’s heart leaps into her mouth.

Six.

Solomon turns, pulling his gun out of his holster with wicked speed.

Seven.

A gunshot echoes off of the mountains, deafeningly loud. It leaves Alaska’s ears ringing.

Eight.

Everyone freezes.

Alaska stares at Solomon as he falls to the ground, silent, a bullet hole through his temple. She feels nothing, watching a thin plume of smoke rise from her gun. She feels everything, watching Sharon turn, her own gun already in her hands, and stare at Solomon’s body with expressionless shock.

Willam looks at her, a new appreciation in her eyes. “Good fucking job, bitch,” she says, and Alaska lets out a relieved laugh before vomit suddenly crawls up her throat, and she stumbles out of the shed to puke into the grass, her gun falling uselessly out of her shaking hands.

Everything erupts into chaos.

There aren’t many men left, but the ones that are start shooting immediately, and the sound of gunshots fill the clearing once again. Alaska can hardly bring herself to care, shock still numbing her, distancing her, and she wipes her mouth with the back of her hand, still shaking violently.

She’s just killed a man.

She doesn’t regret it.

She takes in a shaky breath. She doesn’t regret it. It was his life or Sharon’s. He’d broken the rules to kill the woman she loved. He deserved it.

She looks up when everything falls quiet again, looking around at the dead men littering the ground. She can’t see Sharon, and she’s just beginning to panic when a hand suddenly touches her wrist.

She startles, whirling around to find Sharon beside her, her brow furrowed with concern and her eyes filled with pride. She lets out the breath she’d been holding, and it comes out more like a sob.

“Wanna explain to me what just happened, back there?” Sharon asks gently, and Alaska wants nothing more than to just hold onto her and never let go.

Alaska falls into her, shaking, and Sharon’s arms come up to hold her tightly. Alaska buries her face into the crook of her neck, relief coming over her in waves.

Sharon is safe. Solomon is gone.

Sharon is safe.

“I love you,” she whispers into Sharon’s skin.

“I love you too.”

🌸

The road back to camp is a rough one, but easy enough, all things considered.

The afternoon sun beats down on them as they pick their way back, moving slowly to accommodate for Sharon’s ribs, unwilling to make anything worse despite Sharon’s insistence that she can take more than the slow gait they’ve settled into.

Sharon rides with Alaska, unable to grip Cerrone’s reins on her own due to the burns in the center of her palms, her back pressed to Alaska’s front, her head resting against Alaska’s shoulder. She’d made a lewd comment or two about ‘riding with Alaska’, smirking and being generally obnoxious, but her eyes had fluttered closed after around a half hour of riding, exhaustion and fever ultimately taking over. Alaska kisses the top of her head, affection swelling in her chest and relief still coursing through her veins.

Sharon is safe.

The thought keeps echoing through Alaska’s head, and she wraps the arm she has around Sharon tighter, relishing in the feeling of her weight pressed against her. Emotion is a ball in her throat still, relief and love palpable on her tongue, but she also feels pride in her fingertips, in the corners of her mouth.

She’d saved Sharon.

She’d killed Solomon with one shot, adrenaline and the strength of her urgency making the world slow down, allowing her to line up her shot without hesitation and pull the trigger. She’d shot before he could, shot faster without thinking than he had with forethought - she’d won.

She’s proven her worth. She belongs amongst these women, these hardened criminals with kind eyes and even kinder hearts. She belongs to Sharon, who’d put a bullet in more than one man to protect Alaska, who’d sworn to always shoot for Alaska.

I’ll protect you, Alaska - I keep my word, and even if you shoot like a goddamn gunslinger, I’ll shoot before you have to.

Sharon had never broken her promise. Love is warm in Alaska’s belly as she glances down at her, her own promise curling itself around her heart.

She will always protect Sharon, no matter how high the cost.

Always.

🌸

That night, Alaska sleeps as close to Sharon as she physically can.

She wraps her arms around her lover’s waist, careful of her bruised ribs, and she buries her face into her dark hair, breathing her in. Emotion balls up in her throat, and she squeezes her eyes shut, tears making her eyelashes damp.

Sharon shifts against her, touching the back of her forearm with her hand.

“Lasky?”

Their arrival at camp had been joyous, Jinkx, Katya, and Detox all running towards them as their horses rounded the corner, abandoning Phi Phi and their game of poker by the fire pit. It had taken them three hours to get to Solomon’s camp, and with the way they’d picked their way back, careful of their injured cargo, it had taken twice as long to return. Evening light had tinged everything with an orange glow as they’d slid off of their horses, shaky with relief, and the fire had been lit, the smell of stew wafting towards them tantalizingly.

It had felt like coming home.

Detox’s screeching laugh had been familiar, and Katya’s odd beratements as she and Alaska had helped Sharon down from Cerrone had been comforting, her lighthearted notes about ointments and bandages soothing Alaska’s worry almost completely. Jinkx’s smile was bright, relieved tears in her eyes as she tugged Sharon into a long embrace, and Alaska had watched them with affection, warmth spreading from her chest down to the tips of her fingers.

Sharon had bragged about Alaska, pulling her in for another deep kiss for the entire camp to witness, and Alaska had blushed into it, her fingers coming up to thread through Sharon’s hair. Katya had whistled, Willam had called them ‘disgusting’, and Alyssa had given them a sly look as they’d broken apart, like she knew exactly how badly they’d wanted to take things further. Sharon had given her the middle finger, grinning like a loon, her own cheeks flushed with fever and exhilaration.

It had felt like coming home.

“Alaska?” Sharon repeats, her voice louder with concern. She turns over in Alaska’s arms so that they’re face to face, their noses just inches apart. Her brow is furrowed. “Are you alright? I thought I heard a sniffle.”

Alaska feels love well up within her, and she laughs, her voice wet with emotion. “I just–” she cuts herself off, her voice wobbling dangerously. The stress of the past two days is suddenly catching up to her, her relief abruptly overwhelming. “Thank god you’re okay.”

Sharon gives her a sad smile, raising a hand to brush some of Alaska’s hair out of her face. Her bandages are a bluish white in the filtered moonlight, thick around her palm and wrist. Alaska’s heart aches at the sight. “Still on about that, are we?”

“Yeah,” Alaska says, the joke feeling something like salt in a wound. “We are. Sharon, you were kidnapped. Solomon was doing god knows what to you, and no one knew for half of that time. All we had was fucking Phi Phi to go off of, and all I could think was that the last thing I said to you was that I didn’t love you, and it was killing me, Sharon.” Tears are flowing freely, now, and Alaska’s voice cracks as she continues, cupping Sharon’s face desperately, searching her expression in the darkness of the tent. “I could have lost you.”

“You didn’t,” Sharon says softly, wrapping her hand around Alaska’s wrist, holding her hand in place. “I’m right here. I’m sorry.”

They lapse into silence, Alaska trying her best to calm herself down and Sharon stroking her wrist with her thumb, lowering their hands so that they’re resting between them. Alaska can hear the crickets chirping outside, the wind softly whistling around the canvas of the tent.

Sharon takes a deep breath after a moment, breaking the quiet that had surrounded them like a bubble. “That fight was all I could think about,” she whispers, looking into Alaska’s eyes with something like regret. “I thought for sure that you had left, that you would be too far for me to chase after you by the time I managed to get away. I’m just so goddamn stupid - I felt like such an idiot. I kept going through all of the things I said, all of the things you said, and I–” her voice breaks, and Alaska’s heart breaks along with it. “I’m sorry.”

“I did leave,” Alaska tells her, and the hurt that flashes across Sharon’s face makes her heart twist painfully. “I was so angry. I thought you’d broken your promise, I felt like– I was betrayed. I thought I didn’t belong here - that I couldn’t. But then I realized just how badly I was wrong - thank god for that.”

Sharon is shaking her head as she finishes, looking at Alaska beseechingly. “Lasky, I didn’t break my promise. I was just so angry–”

“I know,” Alaska interrupts, and she laughs a little at Sharon’s surprised expression. “I promised Willam not to fuck things up, today. You see how that went.”

Sharon gives her a warm smile that slowly spreads across her face. “That’s my girl,” she says, approving, and Alaska flushes with pleasure.

“I’m sorry,” she says. “I shouldn’t have - I didn’t know what I was talking about, that night. I was stupid, and scared. Scared of how much I’d changed, scared of how much I loved you–”

Sharon cuts her off with a kiss.

Alaska melts into it, love and affection threatening to burst from her chest. She slips her hands into Sharon’s hair, her thumbs resting on the corners of her jawline, delightfully warm. She sighs as Sharon deepens the kiss, heat pooling in her belly.

She breaks the kiss as Sharon attempts to slide on top of her, gently pushing her back down. She smirks at Sharon’s wide eyes, excitement flickering in her chest. God, she loves this woman.

“Not tonight,” she says, raising herself up to straddle Sharon’s hips, cupping the sides of her face. She leans down so that their lips are just centimeters apart, unable to keep from smiling at the new heat in Sharon’s gaze, at the smirk that’s beginning to curl at the corner of her mouth.

“No?” she asks, and Alaska gives her a smirk of her own, shaking her head.

“No. Tonight,” she says, “I’ve got you.”

She pulls Sharon in for another kiss, meaning the words with every fiber of her being. She belongs to Sharon, and Sharon belongs to her. They have each other.

Always.

#rpdr fanfiction #alaska thunderfuck #sharon needles #jinkx monsoon #willam belli #phi phi o'hara #morgan mcmichaels #roxxxy andrews #detox icunt #shalaska #western au #lesbian au #wild flower #freyja #tw violence #tw mild offscreen torture #tw guns #tw murder

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ziracona · 4 years

Note

me: about to start a trial in dbd. my cat: Lays on my hands. me: ok nvm i guess. Ty for answering my michael ask. Hope it didn't come across as me saying "does this go away" and more "does he find out ways to manage his symptoms better?". So. What made him change his mind about listening to the voices in the later chapters? ALSO. Do Frank and Julie hesitate from interacting with the survivors out of guilt? or just because They're Like That. Does this ever change? - Sleepy

Lol, cats be like that. And np!

Hmmm, Michael—apologies if some of these things weren’t as self-evident as I thought they were in-fic :’-) — So! For him, it was a combination of several things. DbD Michael has had years of isolation and suffering to ruminate, and the only source of familiarity or anything that’s not a blanket negative in his life for all those years has been Laurie. He’s never hated her. He used to love her. As an adult, his motivation for killing her was never anger; it was just the price the voices told him they needed for him to be left alone in peace, which is all he really wanted and has been desperate for for years. But like, a couple decades of hunting in the realm were not pelasant for him. He hated being trapped there, and eternally unable to accomplish anything. It was hell. Laurie wasn’t exactly a source of community, but she was literally the only thing in the whole realm that he had any connection to at all. And once she started talking to him, that kind of did a lot. I mean, no one since he was a small child has even spoken to him by name outside of Loomis, who calls him ‘it’ and a demon as much as anything else. He’s starved for recognition and connection and affection, whether he’s aware of it or not, and he does remember Laurie. She’s like, one of the only good memory sources he has of his entire life. He liked her, they were happy as kids. Once she recognised official who he was and started talking to him about being her brother, it was confusing, because no one had treated him like a person—much less a person they were even as positively disposed towards as ‘sad’ or ‘conflicted’—since he was six. He’d never been offered any version of the future besides the one the voices and Loomis carved out for him and threw at his face every day. In Family Matters, Laurie tells him he’s supposed to protect her, and that they look the same when she sees him without the mask, and that he should keep it off because he’s so much less scary without it while she’s dying, and I think more than anything he just doesn’t know how to feel about all that. Laurie has been with him for years and never done it. In fact nobody has ever treated him like this before, and it’s nice just kind of universally to be liked or shown affection and familiarity or kindness, and it’s completely alien to him, but it’s not bad, and it’s the first not bad experience in decades, so he’s confused and it’s odd, but he also wants to hear more and tries to not kill her so she can talk more—tries to shake her shoulder to wake her back up—but it’s too late by then and she bleeds out. I think Dwight mentions later in a different chapter that even though Michael kills Laurie within a few minutes, he’s gone the entire trial until the very end. It’s because he spent the rest of that time trying to get her to wake back up before finally giving up and accepting she was dead.

He’s more open to talking in The Tower once he finally sees her again, and he still wants suicide pact, but is willing to compromise to get what he wants, and is kind of enjoying himself for once because stuff is happening and he has hope. He gets chewed out by two small strangers for being a bad brother, and then flips out when he realises Laurie was not going to do joint suicide today (and honestly a part of why he flips out so much in The Tower is Laurie’s “I meant like in a few months, not in 12 minutes! Why would you think I meant that?” embarrasss him and hurts his feelings. Michael is sensitive and does not like feeling mocked). Then Laurie shows up to have a showdown with him after he has calmed down a little, and the stuff she says about him having to be dead to her so she can still remember him as a kid as someone she loved really hurts, I think, even if he’s not introspective enough to get why. But at the end of it, when Laurie can’t kill him while he’s unconscious and chooses to leave him instead, he’s not unconscious for that whole speech. He’s awake a lot of it, because he’s smart enough to play dead (and routinely does in Halloween films when in his best interest) and is playing dead waiting for a chance to stop her from killing him for real. So, that means he’s awake and just super injured for her whole “I can’t do it. I can’t kill the memory of you. I hate myself for it, but I still love you. I wish that things could have been different. I wish our lives were good, and that I understood you. I wish I’d been old enough to do something. I wish you still loved me.” speech to what she thinks is his unconscious body, and while he didn’t get everything she said, he got most of it—he’s not stupid. And it was sweet, and sad, and overwhelming, and I don’t think anyone has ever said they loved him since he was six, and the people who did once are all dead now. I don’t think it occurred to him anyone could, or should, or would want to. And he doesn’t understand Laurie, because their lived experiences are so different, but what she says means something to him too. Laurie says in 600 Seconds that he’s all she’s had for forty years, and in a lot of ways, even if he felt it very differently, that’s true for Michael too.

When he finds Laurie in Vs., he’s still looking for his way out, but more than that, he’s just looking for her. Laurie immediately assumes he’s there to try to commit suicide with her again, but he doesn’t actually make her try that initially. Just comes to collect her. And then as soon as she gets attacked by Krueger, starts kicking ass and taking name on her behalf. Listens to her about not killing Quentin, partially because she’s threatening him with a knife, but partially because at this point he trust her as much as he’s ever trusted anybody. And she and Quentin work to save him, and do, and she gets him out of the realm, and so by the time he comes to find her for the last time in 600 Seconds, she’s not Cynthia Myers: the second sister I need to kill to obtain peace anymore. She’s Cynthia, the baby sister who remembers me and fought someone to protect me, and said she loves me, and is going to kill herself with me so we can both be at peace. And so when she begs him not to kill her, he cares. You have to understand, his few memories of Laurie from the last year or two in-realm are like, the only memories from his adult life that are even partially good. He’s never had a real shot at being a normal human because of Loomis, but she’s been working so hard to treat him like one just the same, and it matters to him that he can tell how much he matters to her. So when she asks him, his initial response is, “...Well. If I kill her and live, I can be at peace, but then what? What does life really have that I want?” And the answer is, as far as he knows, not really anything. He never thought past the quiet. And if he dies? He could be at peace that way too. So if Cynthia wants to live so badly, he can let her, because he doesn’t really want to kill her, and if she kills him instead, it’ll still be quiet. And that’s kind of nice. He can have looked out for her once before the end, like she wanted.

And then of course, Laurie is distraught over that response and tries to talk him out of killing himself too, and to convince him they could have a normal life together as family and deserve one. That it’s what she wants, and even if it seems impossible, she knows they could find a way to make it work for him too and to be okay, and says she had been good on her word so far. And she has, she got him out of the realm like she promised. And she wants it so bad, and Michael doesn’t really want anything but quiet, or he hasn’t, not for years, but he does now, because being with Laurie he’s almost felt like a real person again. And Michael has always disconnected himself from the killings—not in a DID way, just, he doesn’t think of the desire as his, because it’s not—it’s the voices—so he wears the mask if he’s going to kill. And it’s the voices who want Cynthia dead, but she’s asking him not to do it and not to die either, not them, and so he just makes his own choice for the first time in years, and says no to the voices, and does what she wants, because he hopes it’s what he wants too. Being with her is the closest to alive and happy he can remember feeling, and wants that. He wants to be Michael again, and not the Shape, he just doesn’t know if he can. But he decides to try. And then again, when she comes to find him in Out of Darkness, there’s that scene where he considers killing her when she’s asleep, because the voices are so overwhelming and he can’t stand it and he’s so depressed, but he remembers he promised her he wouldn’t kill her, and so he doesn’t, and then she wakes up a little when he goes back to the couch, and smiles at him and uses him as a pillow because she loves him and trusts him and isn’t afraid to touch him or show physical affection, and if almost kills him because being touched in any way not meant to hurt or move him is a thing he can barely even remember anymore. But it feels good, like, unbearably. And he doesn’t know who he is anymore or what he wants, except that he wants to try just in case maybe things can be okay. And so he does, and they are. Slowly, but they are. And he gets to be happy.

So, in short. The TLDR is his whole life he had two doors: Listen to the voices, or suffer alone in misery forever. And someone offered him a door number three, and because that person loved him, and he wanted to try for a life where he could keep being loved and maybe remember for real how to love somebody back, he took it. He never wanted to kill Judith, or Laurie. He did it out of desperation. And if he’d gotten help, he’d never have even killed Judith. He was just never presented with an alternative. Nobody ever gave him a way to choose to be Michael anymore. Until Laurie. And that’s what he really wanted—has always wanted. To get to be the fragments of a person he managed to keep alive through all those years of abuse and loss and isolation. Laurie was just what it took to convince him he had a choice. And that it might be one that even maybe could succeed.

As for Julie and Frank, they avoid the survivors out of a mixture of guilt, and also discomfort. It’s not super fun to be around people who hate you or judge you, no matter how much you deserve it. And they do feel bad, and neither one likes to think about that or the shit they did very much, much less be actively reminded of it. This does get better though! It takes a while, but the road trip Julie and Frank end up joining does a lot to help. Gets a couple of bridges built, and things get a lot better. It takes time, especially for them to not feel like totally shit around the people they hurt the most, but the more years pass, the better that gets, and they become a lot less prickly and defensive or self-isolating when around the survivors.

#ask #sleepy #in living memory (fic)#in living memory #ilm spoilers #dead by daylight #I hope the Michael answer made sense! also once again didn’t proofread /anything/ so hang in there reading it rip #sorry I’m super dead today

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rosepetals-flyingbirds · 4 years

Text

Alluring. (1/?)

With: Detective!Bucky x Witch!Reader.

Words: 1,630.

This based in my favorite movie, but I haven't watched it in... two years at least. The reader has a sister and its important in this storyline.

A lot of people are an only child like me and even if you have a sister sometimes the relationship isn't the best and besides the sister appearance will be described here so I chose the name Yasmin for the reader's sister. I wondered in creating a family name but I'll just write Y/N for your name and Y/L/N for your last name so it's all about... you.

I hope you like it. Let me know your thoughts.

You and Yasmin held each other's hands, a suitcase in the other ones. The dresses you two were wearing were black, it was after a funeral after all.

Dad died of a heart attack, and then mom in less than 2 months later. It was too fast, too sad to find her dead in the mattress.

Aunt Mira and Aunt Bim came in the house less than five minutes later, both crying, they held you two and said that both of you would go live with them.

And that is what happened.

The aunts were really freed of any parental accords, they allowed you and Yasmin to wear, eat, do whatever you wanted. No order to brush the teeth, nor orders to do homework.

It was nice to live with them, even if kids threw stones after school, even if they sang whenever you were around.

People were cruel and dangerous when scared.

Sitting in the table in the middle of the yard, the family were having a picnic. The table had all the fruits and slices of bread, you and Yasmin were dressed as angels, a fantasy you two used in the last Halloween and moving with aunts, you could wear it any time on any day, and the aunts were enjoying the breeze that the ocean nearby was conducting.

Aunt Mira took a sip of her tea and petted the small black cat's head, she brought him home of somewhere and it was a gift for you. "You know, for 400 hundred years, we, the Y/L/N family have always being blamed for anything bad that happened in that town. It all started with our ancestor Antonia. All of that because she was a witch, the first of our family, and the two of you are the most recent in that long bloodline."

"That is why they wanted to hang her? Because she was a witch?" You asked.

"Yes, well the fact that all the men in town were smithed by her didn't help much." Aunt Bim winked making you two laugh.

Mira nodded but continued the story. "But the truth is, they didn't like her because they feared her, all because she had a gift, a very special one, the gift of magic. The gift that all of us here has, and it was that very own gift that saved her life, when she jumped off of the wood with the rope around her neck already, the rope broke and she landed on the floor without a scratch."

The girls looked at their aunts trying to make sure it was the truth.

"And she survived, everyone ran out of the place yelling the devil's name and all that nonsense. She was banished from the city to this island part we are right now, of course in that time it was far not like now where we can walk 20 minutes and reach the city. Antonia stood alone, with a baby growing on her, the father was a lover she had, the one she truly loved. He promised he would be with her, that they would be together and happy, so she waited for him, but he never came. No one came, not him, not her parents that didn't have our gift and for that, they banished her from their own years before she was almost hanged. So, Antonia started to build this house," She pointed to the big house. "Of course with time and evolution it changed a lot, but we always lived in here. In a way or another. It was then, when Antonia found herself with a big belly and too much sadness in her heart that she cast a spell upon herself, that she would never again feel the agony of love. And with time, where she raised a baby by her own having to plant to eat and give her best to survive that all the pain she felt turned into bitterness and with that the spell turned into a curse. A curse on any man that dared to love a Y/L/N woman."

Yasmin looked down at her hands. "That is why daddy died?"

"Yes, my darling. Your mother knew, when the beetle ticking for your father's death all the long, because when a beetle tick is the time when the man you love is doomed to die."

Mira tried to cheer the situation. "And that is how you two came into our lives, and we love you two very very much."

The two of you looked sad, after all the normalcy that you had of believing in love while reading tales of princess couldn't be applied. Aunt Bim held your and Yasmin’s hand's over the table and shook them. "Its all story, the only curse we have, is being here in this beautiful day rather than take a beach's bath."

They laughed but aunt Mira rolled her eyes. "Come on Bim, you know very well that any man that dares to love a Y/L/N woman is destined to be 6 feet under."

"No, it isn't." She tried to alleviate the girls.

"What about my sweet Michael, uh?"

"It was an accident."

"No no no it was fate."

"It was an accident."

"It was fate."

"An accident."

"Fate!"

Yasmin smiled at her aunts bickering but looked at you before glancing at her aunt Mira. "Mommy died from a broken heart didn't she?"

"Yes, sweetheart."

The silence made prominent and you remembered the scene where you found your mother.

"Hey, little witch, let's go inside and train some spells."

"But we have homework."

"Oh shu pft. We will teach you two more than any school in the whole world could ever!”

And that is how you were raised, you and Yasmin attended school because even if the aunts were cool they wouldn't allow you two to not be educated.

You and Yasmin stood being close friends, especially since the kids would run away or throw rocks at the two of you.

But it wasn't so bad.

Even if people were judgmental whenever they wanted something they would go in secret to your house.

You and Yasmin were in the kitchen making tea with Aunt Bim when a woman knocked on the door, out of breath.

Aunt Mira sensed the reason for the woman's visit. "Girls, is time for bed, tomorrow we will try some new potions. Go up."

You looked at the door and grabbed Yasmin's hand going up to your bedroom, but when the aunts nodded to each other and opened the door, you two sat at the top of the stairs and paid attention to the late visitor.

Aunt Mira grabbed the big old book and Aunt Bim grabbed a dove for sacrifice. "He doesn't answer me anymore and I miss him and and-"

Mira opened the book but tried to put some sense in the woman's head before the process. "Maybe you can search for someone else, there are billions of men out there."

The woman looked incredulous. "I don't want anyone else, I want him! What the hell else would I be here for?"

Bim handed the bird to Mira, after giving the big needle with a black stone in the top of it.

The aunts chanted the words and the woman made her wish. "I want him to love me to the point where he can't handle it." She pierced the needle in the dove's heart.

You covered your eyes and Yasmin kept looking, intrigued about the spell.

"Be careful for what you wish for." Bim said to the woman.

Mira looked at you two in the top of the stairs and shook her head negatively at the espionage.

The woman left and Aunt Bim cleaned the needle and buried the dove in the garden. You were sad about it, apparently everyone only felt agony in love. Not only your cursed family but others too.

So later that night, when you stood awake staring at the ceiling, you decided to make a spell.

You left the bed and went to the greenhouse, carefully to not wake anyone. You started to place flower's petals on a wooden bowl.

"He will be handsome, with soft hair, bright eyes, the bluest eyes anyone ever had." You kept choosing the exact flowers for the spell. "He will listen to good music, will love animals and children."

Yasmin entered the greenhouse holding small Duncan and stared at you walking around in the middle of the night.

"He will be good, gentle when necessary but a knight when needed. He will have a metal arm like Robocop from the movies."

"This is silly!" Yasmin laughed, scaring you. "What are you doing?"

You let a relieved breath seeing it was only her. "A love spell."

"Why? And what Robocop has to do with it?” She giggled. “You know Robocop is just a movie."

"I know, that's is why. If he doesn't exist I won't feel the agony of love." Yasmin understood your reasoning but still was the complete opposite of you, she desperately wanted to fell in love, to understand why so many people came to the house searching for affection. "He will also have a four-leaf clover to give him luck and a star to shine and protect his way. He will be able to speak five languages! And he will know how to bake a cake in 10 minutes. His touch will be soft on me, but for me only, he won't cheat me nor die like the curse that follows us. He will be perfect."

"Y/N, is not possible to make a cake in 10 minutes! Aunt Mira take at least 40 minutes. And five languages? Not even the smartest person in the whole world could know all of those."

You smiled at her words, it was what you wanted anyway. You stepped in the window and held the wooden plate with one hand while you started to move your fingers with the other one, chatting the spell making the petals levitate.

"That is why, he doesn't exist, so I will not suffer, I will not die of a broken heart like mother, or like anyone else." The petals flew through the night, the moon shining their way around the sky and both of you stared at it, the way it flew through the night being illuminated by the moonshine.

You let a sigh before going back to bed. Holding Duncan in your arms and trying to sleep, and while your mind went further away, the spell kept fixed in your mind.

...

@salimahbicharara-comun, @buckybabybaby, @waiting4inspiration

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x you #au!bucky

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im-abanana · 5 years

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Ineffable Bureaucracy as parents HeadCanons

I can’t believe I spent nearly two hours writing some ‘Ineffable Bureaucracy’ Pregnancy/Child/Parents HeadCanons. The craziness is under the cut, I’m not sorry.

Pregnancy head canons:

-First of all, I am positive that Beelzebub’s pregnancy would be an accident. A total, disastrous accident. Com’on, they are so stupid. It’s not like she or Gabriel could imagine that angels and demons would be able to procreate, since they are supposed to be mortal enemies in the first place (after the failed Armageddon, I think the situation between the two factions would be way better though);

-Beelzebub realizes that something must be wrong with her body around the seventh week or so. Demons do not need to sleep, but she finds herself fighting the urge to nod off on her uncomfortable throne more and more often, until even Dagon takes notice. Being the best BFF there is in Hell, Dagon gently offers Beelzebub to swap duties for a few hours, or she simply brings hot coffee to the Prince every time she can;

-Coffee is the only thing Beelzebub manages to gulp down without having to spend the whole afternoon locked in the bathroom, because pregnancy sickness is a fickle beast. Being a demon of Gluttony and not being able to eat is torture. At first, Gabriel shrugs it off and says ‘I’ve always told you not to eat that gross matter’, but at some point he gets worried too... demons or angels are not supposed to feel sick or have indigestions, after all;

-Gabriel secretly starts to investigate about the Prince’s strange behavior, writing down every single oddity he sees, date and time. He is an excellent bureaucrat, but a fucking idiot in general. He hides an up-to-dated little notebook full of notes, such as ‘morning always sickness, unjustified tiredness, nausea, moodiness’ and he still doesn’t have a clue. He could use Internet or his brain, of course, but as I said he is a dork. However, he feels like he’s missing something;

-At the tenth week (still not knowing about her condition) Beelzebub hits her breaking point. It happens during a business meeting with a few subordinate demons, in the throne room. As she tries desperately not to fall asleep (she cares about her people and has a lot of patience for the most part, imo), while a few of those demons are bitching nonstop about some leaking or a burst pipe somewhere, one of them frowns and dares to accuse ‘Excuse me Lord Beelzebub, are you actually sleeping on the job!? This is unacceptable, do you actually know how hard it was for us to get an appointment!?’. That definitely does it. At the end, everything there’s left of that particular demon is a sad pile of dust;

-Dagon calls Gabriel and tells him about what happened and the harsh reprimand Beelzebub had received from Satan himself. Concerned, he waits for her in front of the communal entrance of the offices (the escalator we see in Good Omens), and when she arrives- to his utter disbelief -she starts sniffing and repeating ‘I didn’t mean to destroy that demon’, ‘I’ve being feeling odd these weeks’ and ‘I don’t know what’s gotten into me’. He tries his best to calm her down, but the feeling that he is missing something still lingers, stronger than ever now;

-A few nights later, as Gabriel is trying to fill out some paperwork, it just hits him. He springs to his feet and runs into the bathroom, where an infamous box lays untouched since many, too many weeks. He yells ‘Beelz!!! When is the last time you had a menstrual period?’. For an handful of seconds, dead silence. But then, Beelzebub’s voice echoes loud and clear in the house ‘Oh, shit!’;

-So, she is officially carrying a demon-angel hybrid. That night, the silence in their house is disturbed only by Gabriel’s unceasing steps as he walks aimlessly in every single room, mumbling to himself, his face blank and pale. Beelzebub is still in the bathroom, with her head between her hands and questioning her life decisions (lmao, poor bean);

-The thing Beelz hates the most about pregnancy are swollen ankles, not because they are unaesthetic or painful, but because she has to give up on wearing her beautiful fishnet socks;

-Once the general shock wears off, Dagon would be so happy! I mean, I see Beelzebub and Dagon as really close friends and partners in crime. No matter who the father of the offspring is, Dagon’s gonna spoil the living Hell out of her nephew/niece;

-Gabriel knows how dangerous Hell is, especially for the Prince. He tries to convince Beelzebub to allow a few security guards (his best angels) to protect her, or at least supervise the entrance of the throne room, but the demon angrily refuses. She is one of the most powerful beings in existence and can take care of herself, as she always did. Plus, angels in Hell? What nonsense that would be;

-Sandalphon and Uriel are not happy about it, like, at all. One day at the office, around the fifth/sixth month of pregnancy, Gabriel overhears Sandalphon muttering ‘What was the Almighty thinking when She allowed that unholy union to happen? Can you imagine what kind of monstrosity will come out from that— that disgusting demon?’. The Archangel takes a long breath, smiles in the most diplomatic way, walks towards his colleague and punches him right in the face. Nobody insults his gf and unborn child;

-Michael isn’t even mad, for she is very open-minded and understanding. She just sticks with Gabriel through it all, secretly glad for him. Excited, even. He is her most trustworthy friend, nothing could ever change that. He does not deserve to be treated as a traitor or an outcast;

-Gabriel loves to feel the baby kicking and moving, even stretching its tiny wings inside the womb. Beelzebub pretends to be annoyed when he rests his head on her belly, but when the Archangel isn’t looking (or at least, that’s what she thinks) she smiles softly at her boyfriend’s tenderness;

-But when the baby starts to move, it. just. doesn’t. give. Beelz. a. break. I mean, she tolerates the little thing with all her heart, but she would appreciate it… if it would just stop wrestling with her spine and ribcage 24/7;

-Thankfully, the other demons do not dare to challenge Beelzebub. Not only she is a formidable fighter on a regular basis, but she grows ten times more protective and intransigent during the gestation. The Prince is aware that there isn’t just her safety on the line, but her child’s as well. Whoever steps a bit too close for her liking gets growled at;

-Surprisingly, Satan himself is one of the first to congratulate. At this point, especially after the Armageddon flop, he doesn’t give two shits about what angels and demons do together. Times have changed… Hell, his own son has rebelled against him! So he just good-naturedly states ‘If this offspring comes out half as fierce as Beelzebub, I sincerely hope it will join our side, or else Heaven would gain a great advantage!’;

Now time for some parenthood head canons:

-When Beelz goes into labour, the questions of the day are ‘What will the child look like!? Will it be a demon? An angel? Both? Will it grow horns or hooves? An halo, perhaps?’. But to everyone’s surprise, the kid comes out pretty normal. A balanced mix of its parents. It inherits Gabriel’s purple eyes and Beelzebub’s black hair. Its only uniqueness is a pair of very, very fluffy black-and-white wings;

-Much to Beelz’s dismay, it also inherits Gabriel’s dumbness and shit-eating grin (especially the ‘shut your stupid mouth, and die already’ smirk). But when the kid is puzzled or simply interdicted, it reminds Gabriel of Beelzebub’s expressions at the airbase;

-Those two immediately fall in love with their baby, anyway. Gabriel even cries a tiny bit as he holds his little one in his arms for the very first time. He knows that Beelz is gonna take hundreds of pictures and tease him about it for all eternity, but he just doesn’t care. For once, screw dignity;

-Michael and Dagon are the best aunts in the world. When Beelzebub and Gabriel are both too busy with work, they are more than willing to spend some time with the child. During playtime, they both try to influence the kid in their own faction’s favor of course, ahah;

-The baby’s first word is ‘pornography’ and you cannot convince me otherwise. Because of that, even if Beelz is undoubtedly entertained, Gabriel is forced to ‘sleep’ on the patio for a whole month;

-Flying lessons with dad! When the child’s wings are grown enough— they become pitch black, the terminal feathers pristine white (like a Black-billed Magpie), or vice versa pristine white, with pitch black terminal feathers (like a Swallow-tailed Kite)—Gabriel decides it is time to teach his little one how to fly. The kid just stares in awe at his dad’s wings (a lot of people, me included, headcanon Gabriel’s wings as gigantic and majestic) and obediently follows every instruction. Beelzebub silently flies beside them, monitoring every progress with pride and making sure nobody gets hurt while practicing;

-Fencing lessons with mom! Beelzebub is a brilliant sword fighter, and she doesn’t waste time showing her kid how to use one;

-The kid is most likely very powerful. It is the offspring of the Lord of the Flies and the Archangel-fucking-Gabriel after all, if it indeed inherits the abilities of both of its parents… oh boy. Nor Hellfire nor Holy water can touch it, that’s scary stuff;

-Since the child is an hybrid, it is allowed to explore Heaven and Hell whenever it wants. While it excitedly snoops around, angels and demons just shoot it some suspicious glances, hoping it would simply choose a side already;

-The kid does not, because it loves visiting Heaven and Hell just the same. Hell folks are more fun to talk with, that’s true, but Heaven has the best view and a calmer environment.

#ineffable bureaucracy #good omens #good omens gabriel #good omens beelzebub #beelzebub x gabriel #archangel gabriel #archangel sandalphon #archangel michael #archangel uriel #go #beelzebriel #good omens dagon #pregnancy headcanons #ineffable beurocracy #ineffable tag #headcanons

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mydearsaddiary · 4 years

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Speakeasy Tonight Fanfic: Neil Season 3

Warning: Cursing, violence, sexual content (+16). Some topics may be sensitive to some people.

This is a fanfic based on how I’d imagine Speakeasy Tonight’s Neil Season 3 would be like. He’s a character from Lovestruck voltage USA game app. This is Chapter 6, here’s a link for all chapters:

https://mydearsaddiary.tumblr.com/NeilSeason3Fanfic

Little curiosity notes: So the Dresners are coming to visit! And I just noticed something I did wrong and I have to apologize for! Lucille was pregnant on chapter 3. Just now, while I was writing this chapter I realized in Neil’s route in the app she had given birth already (she had to because she already knew it was a girl). So sorry about that, but we’ll just move on as usual, Cornelia is here!

In this chapter, there’s a lot going on! We’ll have some sweet interactions and some wedding planning. Then, we get into some Vera and Adler problems and dealing with the Ice Box and all that. After, we have some hot stuff (hehe, missed this) and then shit just goes CRAZY after.

As always, please reach out to say anything you’d like! Anything at all! Thank you guys so much for reading this, I enjoy writing this very much! Hope you guys like it! Thanks!

-Candy (6/11/2020)

____

Chapter 6-

♜♞♚There Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked

1926

-This is such a charming little house!- Lucille said as she entered Uncle Charlie’s house with the baby in her arms. I didn’t judge since I knew what kind of environment she grew up in. The house was small compared to hers in Boston. I couldn’t even imagine how miniscule it would look next to the Dresners’ estate.

Mrs. Fitz, me and Neil helped Lucille, her mother and Mr. Branford with their suitcases and we set them in the extra rooms. I managed to be a good host with a late afternoon tea while we caught up on what had happened since we last saw each other.

-I must apologize Miss Granger- Neil’s mother said. I didn’t want to make anything awkward or hold any grudges against a member of Neil’s family, so I was happy she came to Chicago with an open heart.

-No, Mrs. Dresner. I understand you were just looking out for your son. As long as you’ve come around, let’s just let bygones be bygones- I smiled, a little more forcibly than I would’ve liked to.

-Yes, I’ve come to terms with it- She said. It wasn’t exactly an “I’m happy for you” or “I like you”, but I decided to take it- Have you had much experience in the high society?

-Mother- Neil started- I can handle that

-You don’t know how to act like a proper lady in high society, you’re a man

-Mother- Lucille said- Whatever Neil can’t teach her, I can help. The wedding is already trouble enough for now, so we should let poor MC take care of that first.

-Oh yes, of course- The mother turned to me again- I’m sorry, MC. I’m a very traditional lady. It’s hard to compete with these modern times.

-Don’t worry- I put my feelings aside again. I wasn’t one to let anybody push me around, but you’ve got to pick your battles. This wasn’t one of them.

-Well, then do tell us about how the wedding is coming along

-We found a venue-I exclaimed, more excited now- It’s here in Chicago, but far from the main streets so it’s peaceful and the area is nice, it’s greener. The chapel is tall and white and it’s a decent size. I thought it was cat’s pajamas!

-That’s lovely- Lucille joined in- I never knew Neil to be the wedding planning type

-Oh, I’m not, really- Neil said- MC is been taking care of most of it

-On her own?!- Lucille said

- I’ve got some help, the wedding planner is there-I added

-No, no. That won’t do it-She turned to her mother- That’s it, I have to spend our time here helping MC as much as I can. She could use a hand!

-I don’t see why not if Miss Granger isn’t opposed- Momma Dresner said

-I’m not at all! I could use a feminine hand. Neil just says “whatever you choose is good”.

Neil gave me a look that said “That’s not what I was supposed to be saying?” And I just shrugged it off

After a little while, Neil engaged in a conversation with Michael. He was getting to know his sister’s husband and I think he wanted to fix the bad image Mr. Branford had of him. He held Cornelia while they talked. The image did warmed me up inside, he had gentle hands with his little niece like she was a rare stone he had just found. It made me think that he was going to be a good father again. Behind that sarcasm and cynicism he worried, and he had the natural instinct to protect.

-You’re thinking about having your own?-Lucille disrupted my thoughts

I looked at her, blushing a little- Oh! No! Heavens, at least not yet. I’m still awfully young

-Yes, I could see you being a bit green. Neil though…

-Yeah, I know. Believe or not, I know he wouldn’t come up to me and ask to have a baby, though- I thought a little about what to say- Sometimes I get curious about who Neil was before the war, I know he was getting married, so I wonder if he wanted to have a regular life you know… Kids included.

-Neil was never the outgoing type, even before the war. But he came alive when he was with Alton. He’d be this shy, quiet kid, then Alt would pop up and he’d get into trouble. Even so, he always followed the rules. Alton was… loud, he was always running around, talking faster than his mouth could handle, doing stuff that could’ve sent his mother to an early grave- Her eyes were distant, navigating in the past- Even when they grew up, they were inseparable. They went to school, college and med school together.

-And then they enlisted in the army together, were in the same unit in France…

-Gosh- She continued- If Alton had survived the war, I bet they’d be living in the same house right now- She laughed, then turned serious, almost sad- It doesn’t matter if Alton had his parents or siblings… Neil was the one who was closest to him. They were brothers… And then, I can’t imagine what it must be like to not have someone like that in your life anymore. He just disappeared, and Neil had to deal with it

-I can’t imagine either-I looked down- I always thought of it as just… Awful. But Neil must’ve felt pretty empty. God, he ended his engagement, left Boston and everything else behind. He went through so much.

-But look at him now, MC-She pointed with her head and I looked at him. He seemed to be having a good time with Michael, he even played with the baby who laughed at him- He’s never going to be the old Neil again. But… Even comparing with back then, this is the happiest I’ve seen him. That’s what I told mother to convince her, you know?- She looked back at me- I told her he didn’t deserve to have someone else taken from him.

I smiled sadly- Alton’s shoes seem really big to fill

-You’re not a replacement, you know that, right?

-I know

-Just don’t leave or die-She pointed to my calf- And preferably don’t get hurt either.

If she knew what kind of job I had, she’d be furious. It put me in danger every day. It made me even guiltier about the events that had happened the week prior. But I looked at her with determination and agreed that I’d always be here.

We moved on to lighter subjects and I showed her some pictures of the flowers I had chosen. She and her mother spent some time giving me tips on roses. Not red because that’s too cliché, but how other colors could really help the wedding be a special day.

-Hey, how about I take you out shopping for dresses this afternoon?-She sat closer to me- It’d give me an excuse to leave Cornelia to the boys and have some girl time. Plus, I could tell you embarrassing stuff about Neil’s past

-Hey, I heard that!-Neil turned to us with a funny look on his face- What past stuff are you talking about?

-Just everything you wouldn’t tell her-Lucille smiled in a little sibling kind of way, mischievously.

-Great- He turned to me- I’ll have you know she was always known for lying

-No way!-Lucille defended herself- He was always known for saying my truths he didn’t like were lies. Of course people would believe the older male sibling

I laughed- Well, I’m believing everything you say today, Lucille-I got up-You don’t mind if I call my girlfriends, do you?

She said no and I drove her to pick Cleo and Sofia up to go to a bridal shop Cleo mentioned. It’s funny she knew, she didn’t seem like the marrying kind to me. It got me wondering if she ever thought about it.

Once we were inside I gathered them around like I was giving out a speech- Alright, ladies! It’s time to get down to brass tacks and find the dress, but first, I’d like to introduce you guys to Lucille. She’s Neil’s sister

-Looks like her brother too-Cleo said- Don’t you come from a ritzy family in Boston? Your dress looks like it was designed especially for ya

-Well, it was-She started- All of our clothing is always designed for us, unless it’s made by some famous designer then we have our servants buy it

-Tres ritzy indeed. Think you could get a few designers to make dresses especially for us?- Cleo smiled

-I could probably work something out

-I like you already

-Well, girls- I interrupted- That is the perfect opening I was looking for, since this makes it the perfect opportunity to ask you girls to be my bridesmaids

-Really?!- Sofia asked- That’s so…

-Oh, shucks. Don’t be so impressed-I said- Lucille means the world to her brother and she’s been helping me out a lot. You, Sofia, and Cleo have been my best friends since I got to Chicago. I want you girls to be part of it. Also, Hazel and Edith will be involved as well. This means we could take few looks on bridesmaid dresses too!

We were all giddy for a while, excited about the wedding. It’s funny how I used to dread the thought of marrying. Momma talked about it so often and I always cringed at the mention of it. Then I met Neil and all I wanted to do was marry him.

-You know, chicas- Sofia started- Choosing wedding and bridesmaid dresses is so much fun they should make movies about it

-Huh? Movies about it?- I questioned confused- How are you gonna make a flick about just janes picking wedding dresses?

-Listen to this- Sofia continued- They could film it at a bridal store. The crew would be there and they’d just film reality, just dames saying who they’re marrying and their story and how they go about picking dresses. They could film a dame and her bridesmaids or whoever is with her at the store, make a flick about it and then put it on the screen for everyone to watch the whole process. It’d be fun!

Cleo laughed- Whoever would want to watch reality on screen? We already have plenty of it in our own lives

I laughed with them- Alright- I said- Time to make our own wedding-dress-choosing flick here!- I turned to Lucille- You did this once, how did you go about it?

-It wasn’t so hard for me. I didn’t have to choose a dress, I just told Momma what I wanted and she hired designers to make it especially for me

-That must cost a pretty penny I don’t have-I crossed my arms- We’ll just have to do it the traditional way.

-Calf-length dresses are in right now-Cleo said looking around- Let’s just all look for something we think would look good on MC and then we’ll have her try it on!

We agreed and we all went looking for something. After, I started trying out all the options chosen.

-Alright- I said in front of the mirror while the store clerk helped me out. I had a dress on that had long sleeves, there wasn’t much detail on it. It was all white and it went down to almost my ankles. It was pretty and Momma would certainly approve it, but the thought of it didn’t please me very much- I picked this one out because I thought it’d look nice. I didn’t realize how long it was

-It’s conservative but fun-Lucille said- But… I think it’s way too loose. It’d probably be better for a bigger girl, but you’re tiny so it looks like you’re wearing a night gown.

-And how!-Cleo said- I don’t think it says anything about your personality at all. You don’t hide from anything. You are daring but with class. I think your dress should say the same.

We all agreed I should try a different one on, so this time I tried one that Sofia picked. It was so beaded it shined. The glow against the white gave it this holy aura, like I could be an angel coming down to earth. You could probably hear a choir behind me vocalizing a church song with all that glow. I’d be sure to be Neil’s beacon of light in the wedding if I wore that dress… That is if it didn’t blind him. Sofia herself said it hurt her eyes, so I quickly had it off my body.

It was safe to assume we’d be there for a while. And so we were, for hours! Dresses and more dresses were pulled from the hangers and put on. It was fun and I felt like quite the model, but I had started to wonder if I was being too picky and I should just pick one of the dresses I had already tried on.

After a while we all decided we were hungry and the sun was setting, so I changed into my normal clothes and walked towards the front of the store to meet them.

-We have to show Lucille that charming tea room you girls always take me to. They have good food there!- I said about to walk out with them when something stopped me in my tracks

A glow in one of the beads of a certain dress shined bright into my eyes, like a sign- Hey girls, just wait a second- I said reaching for the light that caught my attention. I pulled the dress out looking at it. It had a delicate round neckline formed by white flowers. It was see-through until the chest area and in the short sleeves, except for a thin strap at the shoulders and the little details on the sleeve. Its white grace went down until the calf. At the waist a pattern of beads started that went until the knees. It gave the whiteness a fun touch, or like Cleo said: daring, but classy.

Lucille walked towards me- It’s definitely fun. It’s graceful, but it’s audacious.

-It says you’re a modern girl, but you’re still a classic- Sofia added- It’s certainly something I could see you wearing.

-I think your personality would shine through it-Cleo said

-I’m sorry, I know you girls are hungry… Maybe we should come back another day-

-No, no. Chica-Sofia said

Lucille followed by putting her hands on both of my shoulders- This right here could be your dress. I have a good feeling about this one, so you have to try it on!

Cleo came back with a few things- She said it! Can’t miss this chance. Besides, here- She handed me some pure white stockings, and these delicate and beautiful white heels- I think you need to complete the look

-Those are beautiful, Cleo-I said holding on to them

-Oh, and of course you can’t forget what Mr. Dresner is gonna see later!- Sofia gave me naughty smile, bringing this two-piece undergarment composed of a white lace bra and skirt

-Miss Sofia, what a wicked mind! Can’t say I’m against though! I bet Neil would love this

-Hey- She said a little uncomfortable. I’m pretty sure no one wants to imagine their sibling in a sexual way ever- You guys are forgetting about one of the most important things!-Lucille said bringing in a veil. It was floor-length but not awfully long. It had a lace cap and flowers on each side.

I took it as well holding all the components that hopefully would create what I envisioned- Alright, time to try it all on!

We decided with the neckline and the details on the dress that a necklace wouldn’t be necessary, so Cleo called the store clerk again to help me out and I went to the fitting room yet again.

-Okay!-Cleo announced- Dress two-hundred and forty seven, come on out!

I walked out all dressed up, standing in front of them and in the mirror- So…?!

They didn’t say anything for a few seconds, Lucille was actually the first to talk- Wow, MC… You do look like a bride

-Now that everything is put together like that,- Sofia said- Neil won’t know what hit him

-This has the potential to make my brother cry at the altar- Lucille added

-Then it must be magical. It’d have to be to make Neil cry, I don’t think he ever cried in his life-I replied

-He’s not the sentimental type, is he?-Cleo laughed- Well, if that doesn’t get it out of him, nothing will! You look absolutely stunning, MC

I was smiling with all the compliments, but it was when I actually when I turned around and first looked in the mirror that I understood what they were talking about. I could feel my heart pounding while I looked at me- Wow…-I let it out- I…-I was having trouble talking

-You okay, chica?- Sofia asked

-It’s just… With the other dresses, it seemed like playing dress-up- I moved my fingers around anxiously- But this one… This is it. Gosh, I think it just dawned on me that I’m actually getting married- I could feel my voice cracking a little bit- Oh, I love it! Thank you, girls- I said hugging them

-Hey! You picked it!- Lucille said

-Yes, but it wouldn’t have happened without your help.

Soon the dress was in a garment bag and everything else was in a separate shopping bag. We went to eat and set a date to look at bridesmaid dresses before Lucille went back to Boston

And so it was a few days later we were back and spent just as many hours picking their own dresses. It was still super fun! We decided on beautiful light pink dresses that were tight fitting on the satin top and from the waist down it formed a wide A-line and it ended in a ritzy lighter ruffle bottom. I made sure to get two more for Hazel and Edith and gave them a call that night to tell them about it.

The night Neil’s family went home, I was sitting with Lucille and Cornelia in Uncle Charlie’s living room.

-Say, hi auntie MC- Lucille said- Do you want to hold her?

I hesitated a bit but agreed- The last baby I held was my sister Hazel when I was a kid- I adjusted little Cornelia in my arms. She felt warm and soft and surprisingly peaceful. I held her fearful of hurting the little body- Being a mother always scared me.

-You know… It always scared me too-She said and I looked at her with interest- But… You get used to it. The entire pregnancy I kept worrying if I’d be a terrible mother. It’s all just doubt really. I mean, it is not easy, but once I held her in my arms nothing else mattered. I love her and she’s mine. She’s a part of me- It was clear to me she could talk about her daughter for hours- It’s a surreal feeling really, like “Wow, I’m a mother. That baby, she’s my daughter”. It’s like, all this time you only had to be worried about being a kid and then you’re a parent. It’s as scary as it is thrilling- She looked into my eyes again- But once you’re ready you’ll know, MC. Once you marry, people are going to rush you because that’s what they think a woman should do right after the wedding, but you’ll know.

-How will I know?-I said, this time handing Cornelia back to her

-Oh, you’ll get that baby fever- She laughed

-Yeah- I chuckled. I wasn’t even sure why I was interested in that conversation- Maybe one day…

We dropped them off at the station a couple of hours later. It was late at night and I laid in bed with Neil. I was reading a magazine, but I couldn’t get my thoughts to stop revolving around what Lucille had said

-Penny for your thoughts?-Neil looked at me, I guess I did look deep in contemplation

-Well… Here we are-I opened my arms

-That’s a very astute observation- His sarcastic tone shone through

-I mean! We don’t live together, but have you realized how domestic we are? We lay in bed together, I’m reading my stuff, and you’re reading your book… It’s like we’re already married

-What’s your point?-He closed his awfully boring philosophy book to pay attention to me now

-We never really talked about what we’re gonna do after we marry

-Alright, let’s talk about it-He sat up

I didn’t expect that reaction to come from him, but I continued- Okay, well, where are we living?

-I just assumed you were moving in with me, to my apartment.

-Alright, but you do understand some changes in the place are gonna be involved, right?

-Yeah, yeah… I already came to terms with it- He rolled his eyes, but a slight smile he tried to hide still appeared on his face

-Okay, then. Do you always want to live in Chicago?

-I think this one depends on you more than me. You’re not leaving the Ice Box behind any time soon.

-True enough- I breathed heavily, preparing myself for the next question- Do you… Do you want kids?

He was silently for a few seconds, those seconds felt like hours and I felt my heart beating rapidly in my chest. He eventually replied- To be honest, I don’t see myself as a father.

-Oh yes!- I agreed, a little too quickly- I really don’t see myself as a mother either!- I remembered what I felt when I went out with Cleo to the maternity shop to buy gifts for my older sister, how the store was a complete nightmare

…Then why did it sting a bit when he said that?

I knew I was way too sensitive, but not so sensitive I wanted to suddenly have kids. I decided a night of sleep was what I needed. Tomorrow there was a lot to be done at the Ice Box.

-Alright!-I gathered everybody at the box the next night- This is bad, this is real bad! But we need to decide what we’re gonna do from now on!- In the silence and tenseness that everybody was situated in, I could hear the very faint ‘slurp’ from Neil drinking bourbon, sitting at the bar and facing the opposite way. It would be funny otherwise, but considering the circumstances it got me in a lather. So I walked up to him- Hey, buster, enjoying your hooch?

` -I am- He raised his glass- Thanks.

I sighed angrily- Why aren’t you freaking out?!

-When have you ever known me to freak out?!

-Oh, you freak out! You get all ‘…’- I stopped talking to imitate his worried face in a mocking way

-Huh…-Cliff started- So… You see…

-What Cliff is trying to say…-Vince started- is for you to save the bickering for after the marriage. What are we gonna do?

I breathed extremely annoyed, walking back to my original position

-How’s the leg?-Cliff asked

-It barely hurts anymore, it just gets sore at night- I answered- But since we’re on that subject, Mayor Adler absolutely hates me and he literally keeps tabs on everyone in Chicago. Last time I was there, he walks in and let’s just say he’s very forceful. He’s gonna try to have the upper hand and if somebody overpowers him he’ll kill the,. At this point he’s a bigger threat to us than Vera- I said sitting down

-So what’s the next move?- Donovan asked- If it’s some help, the boys in blues at the station hate Mayor Adler. Everyone knows ‘is type.

-Then can you try and find any dirt on him?

-People have tried before, he is a slick one

-Just try again. Dig deeper. Anything at all-I asked

To my surprise he agreed and stayed quiet after. Then Gerald came forward- Should I keep… Talking to Vera?

-Yes- I looked at him- How’s that going?

-There hasn’t been any luck in kisses yet to take pictures of. She keeps on saying “I shouldn’t, I’m a married woman”, but I’m almost there. There has been more dates and touching hands and she does feel very comfortable around me

-Well, as soon as you’ve got that picture you’ve got to hand it to me- I thought for a few seconds- In fact, Sofia, can you take that picture for me when it happens?- I turned to her. I thought it’d be better if that picture was in the hands of someone I trusted

-You got it, Chica. How about those documents?

-They’re in the Mayor’s office in his house- I pinched the bridge of my nose- Which means I’m either gonna have to be invited there again, or break in.

-Alright- Neil started- There’s a couple of problems with that. First, Vera could invite you to tea again, but she’s got security around the big house and if Mayor Adler is near that house… Well, he just tried to kill you and he’ll try again, not mentioning the fact you’ll be in tremendous trouble if he sees you in his office. Second, you can’t break in because, again: Security all around the house.

-Well, we’ve got to get back in there somehow. What do you plan then?

-Fine, you’re right. But why do you have to do it?

-Listen, Neil- Vince started- You gotta understand that MC is a mob boss.

-I understand things just fine, Moretti-He looked back at me, waiting for me to answer it

-Because I am the one who’ll most likely be invited there again, unless you want to bring Uncle Charlie back home and have him go talk to the mayor at his house- He stayed quiet this time, his brows still furrowed in worry. I knew he didn’t like it one bit, so I knew I had to say something else- Hey, listen… Remember back when Louis Tibbs was going around poisoning booze? And Uncle Charlie was just as worried as you are? You were the one who told him I could handle it so… I can handle it. I’ve gotten good at this stuff.

-You like to pretend to be a tougher bearcat than you are, but since I know you’re stubborn and I’m losing this fight, I’m letting you go on. For now.-He went back to sipping his bourbon

-I’ll see if I can get myself invited to Vera’s house again. Gerald will continue playing her and Sofia will hang around their dates until a kiss happens

-Yea, so, how am I gonna do that without her noticing it?-Sofia said- Cameras are huge and there are flashes, you know?

-Already one step ahead of ya- I looked at Gerald first- You gotta speed things up, ask her for a date to the Blackhawk- I said turning back to Sofia- I got you a gig there for some time next week, they’re waiting for you to come in and set the date, but I’m waiting until Gerald gives us a night. Then you, Sofia, will be there singing. Find someone you trust to take a picture of you that night, with Gerald and Vera in the background smooching and seemingly in love.

-You let your creativity run wild, don’t you, chica?- She asked

-Well, it’s the only way the Mayor will believe she betrayed him

-What if he kills her?-Cliff’s voice sounded loud in my ears- You said he’s ruthless and kills everyone who goes against him. What if he gets that picture, and he kills her for cheating on him?

I breathed slowly- No matter what I choose, someone��s gonna get hurt. I’m trying to protect our Ice Box family, I can’t allow myself to worry about the well-being of Vera Adler and everyone else and pretend we’re not gonna end up with no blood or no deaths- I looked around- We’ve been lucky before, and I know we’re on the good side of things… But it’s like Vince said-

-Sometimes you have to get your hands dirty in this business- Vince completed it

-Not meaning it’ll happen-I continued, but everyone was watching me as if they could read me- Shit, Cliff!- I exclaimed and the whole gang just looked at me surprise- Yeah, yeah, I cursed! So what?- I walked around the bar pouring a drink for myself. I couldn’t fool anybody with the cool boss speech- Now I’ve got to figure out a way Vera doesn’t get killed in the process, just hopefully very fucked.

-Woah!- Vince said and people around me were grinning. Even Neil has a smile on his face

-Will you guys stop looking at me like you’ve never seen a gal curse before?!-I drank again- Alright, Gerald. Here’s the deal, bring her to your house to spend the night with you after that date

-Wait, wait… You want me to sleep with her?

-No, you don’t need to make whoopee with her, just make sure she spends the night there. I’ll make sure the photo is in his hands that night and by then she’ll know to stay away from him because she knows what he’s like.

-How about the documents?- He asked- When can I stop playing her?

-I have until the date night to get them since my only way of going into the mayor’s house is to be invited there by Vera- I took the last sip of my drink- Alright, Gerald invite her to the Blackhawk next week, Sofia gets the picture and remember her face has to be very clear in it and Gerald’s not- She nodded and I continued- Before then I get the documents about the Broiler and it’s freed. Vera has no hold over it and she’s not the mayor’s wife anymore.

-Alright, lassie-Donovan started- That takes care of ‘er. But after that, Mayor Adler is still the mayor

-Yeah, I know. But one thing at a time, Donovan. First we make sure Vera is not a problem ever again. Then we focus on Adler.

That night I stayed over Neil’s apartment. I stepped out of the bathtub and was looking at myself in the mirror. It got me thinking… There was no family here in Chicago anymore. I was busy with the wedding, but me and Neil decided to put the planning off for this week to focus on our Mr. and Mrs. Adler problem.

However, that night felt peaceful. I usually got myself so worked up about problems and so busy with everything. Proof of it was that I kept getting sick. I decided to push that out of my mind for the time being and… Relax.

I breathed in an out for a couple of times, focusing my attention on myself for the time being. So I opened my eyes and there I was on the mirror again- Miss Granger…-I started whispering to myself- It’s just you and Neil in this apartment tonight… You haven’t been in a nice date in good little while- I walked over to the lingerie I had- This is sexy, but you’ve got this new pajamas and you know Neil loves pajamas on you. So… How about you-I pointed at the mirror- and me, wear this and cook a nice little late night dinner where he has to stare at us in this outfit throughout the entire meal, while we know he’ll be hungry for something else?- I giggled at my silly acting, but the last few days sparked a flare in me that soon turned into my body getting hot to have that man for myself that night. So I made up my mind to make him crazy for me- Oh, we have a wicked mind don’t we?

The pajamas I put on weren’t pants like the ones I wore before. This one was spicy, something dangerously new. It was a gown that went down to right above my knees, the right choice to show my toned legs. It was loose and flowy on the bottom, which means it was easy to pull up, but from the waist up it was tight, and the lack of anything underneath made the cloth hang on to every curve and detail of my breasts, just as if they were nude, but the tease of a thin cloth on them. A little thin bow fell on the neckline as a tease, an attempt the gown had to be proper while tightening the shape of my womanly figure. The thin straps on my shoulders were too big for them, they taunted slipping any time. My disheveled hair added a charm to the image I was about to present the man I loved to. I knew that was the perfect choice to make Neil go crazy.

I heard him in the bedroom, announced from outside the door I was cooking dinner. I made a small plate for the both of us, since I myself was in a little bit of a hurry. I served wine as a romantic thing, even though I knew he preferred bourbon. As I was carrying the plates to the table I heard footsteps coming from the bedroom, so I held them both in my hands, waiting for him to appear

-I heard a lot of noise and came to see if you weren’t destroying the place- He said looking down at his book- Should I call the fire depart- He paused when he took in the vision of me, well, more like the chest area but… I could see I caught him off guard so it was a win.

-You were saying?- I said in the sexiest voice I could do, staring him straight into his eyes. However, all he said was a “huh…”, so I laughed and spoke again- Eyes up here, buster. Sit down- I turned around placing both plates on the dinner table- Food is ready.

-You…-He put the book aside, then he smiled at me undoing his tie presuming we were jumping straight to the action

I pointed at the plate- Alright with the one-word answers- I acted innocently- Sit down and eat dinner- I repeated myself

He then stopped in his tracks glaring at me- You want… You’re dressed like this and you want to eat now?

I nodded, taking a bite off my meal- Yeah… I’m hungry- I said almost in a whisper- Didn’t your mother ever teach you to eat first, then dessert comes after?

He snorted- You’re playing me and you think it’s funny- There was a hint of impatience in his voice, almost frustration.

-I’m not playing anyone-I drank the wine, enjoying myself a little too much- I just want to have a nice house dinner date with my fiancé, but if you want we could play chess later

-Not on your life- He answered sitting down. His tie and jacket were on the floor anyway as he started eating a little too fast

I smiled and ran my foot up his leg teasing him and then it stayed around in between his legs, stroking his bulge. He was uncomfortable and could barely focus on eating and I felt the most gratifying adrenaline from doing this to him.

-What did I say about your feet while I’m eating?-He said in a stern tone, his frustration now clear on his voice

-Something about the cuffs being the Maginot line?-I raised one eyebrow at him smirking- But I was never one to follow rules

-Two can play this game- He said looking back at me. He still ate his dinner, but with his free left hand he traveled his way up my leg, then he pulled it and I went forward with the chair. My body was glued to the table and now his hands could go up my inner thigh

I should’ve known. Neil is as competitive as I am and I could feel myself getting way warmer in places I couldn’t say out loud. But I wasn’t about to lose. I lifted myself off the chair enough to grab him by his collar and give him a kiss he wouldn’t forget any time soon. His grip on my leg loosened a little bit and as I sat back down, I could hear his soft panting and hungry eyes letting me know I had won.

I smiled and went to grab another bite of my meal, but then he was suddenly past my inner thigh and his hands were way inside my night gown. I don’t know if it was out of surprise or because his cold fingers felt good but my eyes closed, my head tilted backwards I let a moan out of my lips that I couldn’t hold in. When I opened my eyes, I cursed in my head for letting him win that one, but seeing his reaction to me let me know it was a tie. He was one second away from going mad.

-This…-His voice was almost a growl- This stupid table is in the way.

I laughed lowly- We have to finish dinner- I went to grab my fork again trying to win for good, but he got up and was around the table before I could protest

-No, we don’t- He picked me up and I smiled wrapping my legs around his waist- You messed with me enough- It was the last thing he said before kissing me

He carried me all the way to the bedroom and let me down in the bed- I’m just getting started, Neil- I said sitting up, but he insistently pushed me to lay down again

-No, you’re not- He pushed my gown up to my hips- This was your plan all along, wasn’t it?

-What plan?- I gave him a side smile- I was just eating

-This outfit is more for something like this-He said pushing up my thighs and placing his head in between my legs, and suddenly words didn’t matter anymore

We were in a competition to drive each other crazy and we both ended up losing our minds for one another. Soon he yanked up my gown some more and pulled down the top to place kisses all along my chest and neck, and then got rid of everything else he was wearing before he was inside me and our hips were meeting in repeated motions. I gasped for air as he made a point of moving while looking right into my eyes and holding my head still by my hair, making sure I had no choice but to look back. He enjoyed letting me know that he was the one that was doing this to me. Little did he know from the bottom I could see I was doing the same to him.

At some point the gown was completely off my body and I was on the top, then I was on the bottom again, then facing the bed, then on my back, then sitting on his lap. Then, I lost track of how much time went by and how many ways we made love to one another, completely lost in our hunger.

I remember the climax, I remember crying out his name and I remember him whispering mine. But for some reason I must’ve been so dizzy after I don’t remember falling asleep. I don’t even remember if we talked after everything. Next thing I knew I felt the rays of sun hit my face, and my eyes slowly open to greet the morning. It was a sunny day and the first thing I did was smile. My body felt sore and it was a good feeling. I couldn’t help but close my eyes again and giggle as I remembered the events from last night, every touch and every sensation. I turned around and faced Neil who was still asleep. His broad chest went up and down as he breathed, so I turned around facing him to watch him for a few minutes.

After a while, I got up wearing a robe. I cleaned up the mess we made in the kitchen the night before. When I went back to the bedroom he was still sleeping. I looked at the clock and it was almost noon. So I decided it was perfectly okay to wake him up. I sat on top of him and leaned down to kiss his face all over. It soon woke him up and he smiled once the confusion went away. He started chuckling as I kept kissing him- Morning, buster- Then I met his lips and the kiss was profound. It was pure love. I was madly in love with this man who drove me crazy from the first night I met him. I pulled myself back to stare into his eyes, then his hand reached up as he stroked my cheek, pulling my hair behind my ear. He looked very serious, so I asked him- What…?

He shook his head- I just… I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy before

I smiled, kissing him again- You’re such a romantic

He snorted- Don’t take it for granted, MC. You like pushing your limits.

-Shut up, will ya?- I said and then kissed him again- You know, this is the happiest I’ve been too

-I love you-He whispered to me

-I love you, Neil- I said back to him, kissing him one last time before pulling him to get up- Now, breakfast?

He adjusted himself sitting up on the bed staring at me, still sitting on his lap- In a minute-He said undoing my robe and pushing it off my shoulders, so my body was nude in front of him

-Right now?- I raised an eyebrow

He hugged me pulling me closer for a kiss- Right now.

That day, nothing could ruin my mood. That afternoon I was out with Cleo and I couldn’t stop grinning.

-You look like the cat who ate the canary. Figure you had a good night with the doc?- She teased

-Oh, just the best. And the dress is bought, the ring is on my finger, the venue and flowers are picked, we set the date… Just a few more things and a little bit of time and I’ll have nights like these for the rest of my life.

She laughed as we went around Menken’s- You’re high up on the clouds. I was worried about you being tired and stressed and all with this stuff about Vera and Mayor Adler, but I’m happy to see you like this.

-I don’t know, Cleo, I have a good feeling. I feel so at peace… It’s like I know everything is going to be alright

-I bet, kiddo. You are glowing.

I don’t know what it was about that that sent a chill down my spine. And then it came to me, is it ever a good thing when a Jane tells you you’re glowing? Maybe, but at the moment it didn’t come across to me as something good. For some reason it made me think of the last few months and how I never had time to focus on myself. Which means I could let obvious signs from my body that it something stirred up inside escape.

-I’m…-I stopped in my tracks, looking at her- I’m glowing?

-Yea, you’re really shining and all that- She looked back, her smile faded when she saw my serious expression. On her face I could see she realized what it was that got me like this- I mean…! Not the “congrats mommy” glow, it’s the “I was barney-mugging last night” glow!

But the somber look didn’t disappear from my face- Am I really glowing?

-Yes, honey, but a good night with a good man will do that. Don’t be all worried. You get all that and then I’ll get like that.

-I haven’t had my period in so long…-I murmured in an urgent whisper to her- I didn’t have it in November… And now that I think about it, I didn’t have it in October either!- I looked at her- I’ve been so worried about Vera and the whole Ice Box and meeting Neil’s family and him mine, and then they visited and then Uncle Charlie… I didn’t think about it just now!- I was now grabbing onto the dress I was seeing tightly- I am totally knocked up!

-Horse feathers, MC! You’re so skinny. It’s stress.

-And Cleo!- I gasped- I’ve been so emotional, and then I was feeling all nauseous and tired and I threw up last week! Oh, and how my breasts look so nice and how I’ve been… Oh my God, I need to sit down- I said going outside to a bench and Cleo went after me

-Hey, hey!-She held my arm- You’re getting ahead of herself, honey. It could be all stress

-And now I’m glowing!-I buried my face in my hands- I am so pregnant!

-MC!- She said loudly getting my attention- Let’s go to the doctor and have a test done before you freak out- She shook me holding my arms- Listen, I’ll go with you. Say you’re going shopping with me again and if it’s just a scare you don’t even have to say anything to Neil

-Alright… Yeah, you’re right. It could just be my head. Shouldn’t freak out, right?-I looked at her

-Not at all. You can’t just puke and then “Woah, I’m preggo”

I laughed agreeing- You’re right. Sorry, Cleo. Stress and all that. Say, I’ll drive you to the Ice Box.

Or maybe I should have started screaming right there. Because a few days after I sat in the doctor’s office with Cleo. That night, I had to put on my best face for tea with Vera and this doctor just sat right in front of me, and had the courage to congratulate me.

-Your due date will be around the first two weeks of June

-How?!-It was the first thing I asked

-I’m sorry, Miss…

-Granger. And I asked how do you know I’m… I’m…

-Pregnant?- He said the word I couldn’t say at the moment- Well, there’s a hormone pregnant women produce. In your urine test we took from you, we inject it in a small animal, like a bunny or frog, and then if you’re pregnant that animal will start ovulating, which means the hormone for pregnancy is there. In your case, it showed the hormone is present. Based on what you told me about the last time you menstruated… Yes, first two weeks of June sounds right.

-That’s absolutely crackers! I… Cleo!- I looked at her, she looked back wordlessly and then I looked at the doctor again- There must be some mistake, I can’t be pregnant.

-Well, you are, miss. Should be at about ten weeks now. Which comes to a worry I have. I noticed you’re still ‘Miss’ Granger.

-I’m engaged!- I corrected him quickly, didn’t want the doctor going to blabber to no one about a kid out of wedlock

-Better hurry that wedding then, miss. You’ll start showing very soon- He got up, looking all respectable- A child to any woman is a blessing. Women are meant to be mothers, so don’t worry about it. Congratulations on your wedding and baby. I would schedule the next appointment with the secretary up front and…- after a moment I tuned out. He kept saying stuff I had to do from now on and I’m sure Cleo was listening to all of it closely for me, but my head was spinning. I don’t even remember how we got out of there and before I knew I was sitting on Uncle Charlie’s couch

The silence that reigned was incredibly uncomfortable. But… I didn’t know what to say. I mean, what was the right thing to say? The more I thought about it, the further away I was from convincing myself it was true. I kept repeating in my head “I’m pregnant”. But something in my head kept saying “No, Edith is pregnant. She’s the one who was always meant to be a mother, not me.” And then it went right back to “I am pregnant”. After a while, Cleo broke the quietness.

-I won’t tell anyone. I’ll let you do it- Cleo said- You’ll be fine.

-Yea… Sure…- I said lowly- I’m just waiting until I wake up and then realize it’s not real

She sighed- Just give it a little bit of time, focus on the Ice Box and the wedding for now, you’ll come to terms with it.

I pondered my options for a while. I could sit here and cry or scream or give up. But that wasn’t me, that was never me and I wouldn’t start now. So I made the choice I knew I had to for the time being- No one can know. Not until this whole ordeal is done.

-Are you sure Neil shouldn’t know?-She looked at me worried

-He’ll be the first to know…-I sat down- After we defeat Vera and Adler

-MC…

-I won’t hear it, Cleo. You know if Neil finds out he’ll take me completely off the board. The Ice Box can’t win without their boss. I need to go get the documents and I need to make all the decisions.

-They can handle themselves, MC

-I’m sure they can. However, the Ice Box is my business, Cleo. I’m not sitting on the bleachers while my team plays

-Fine. I’m game. As long as you don’t put yourself in mortal danger, or risk losing the baby.

-I won’t. I’ll see you at the box tonight?

-You’ll be okay, kiddo?

-I’ll be fine, really. I just need some time on my own

And once Cleo let herself out, I felt the sudden urge to get spend some time getting myself accustomed to the idea that I was going to be a mother. I drove myself back to that maternity shop I visited with her a few months ago. No longer looking for presents for Edith, I walked around trying to pretend this wasn’t such a bad thing. I was looking at some little toys when a clerk approached me.

-Are you shopping for yourself?- She asked

I could say no. I could tell her my sister was pregnant and I was shopping for her. I wasn’t showing through the dress and I could just pretend nothing was happening. But then… I figured I came here for a reason

-Yeah… I just found out early this morning. Doctor said I should be around ten weeks now.

-Wow!- She laughed eagerly- That’s so exciting, your husband must be so happy, Mrs…?

Oh yeah, of course a woman is ought to be married to be pregnant- Oh… Huh… Dresner. Mrs. Dresner

It was the first time I referred to myself as Mrs. Although I loved how it sounded, something bothered me. I know Neil was the furthest thing from the nightmare Momma always hoped I’d marry, but I still seemed to find myself following in the footsteps she always dreamed I would. I was carrying a doctor’s baby who came from a rich family from Boston. Was I losing myself?

-Are you alright, Mrs. Dresner?- The store clerk asked and I imagine I was lost in my own head again

-Oh yes! You now… Just emotional. And well, my husband doesn’t know yet.

-Oh I see, I can help you look around for stuff!- She had an annoying acute voice. I could tell from the way she carried herself she has old-fashioned ideals.

-MC?- I heard Neil’s voice. My heart jumped a little as I looked towards the door and he was standing there- I was walking to the… To Charlie’s store and I saw you through the window- He walked towards me- Are you sending another gift to Edith?

-Yes- I turned around to the store clerk giving her a look that said ‘please play along’- My sister is pregnant, so that’s what I needed help with

She smiled, a little too amused to be aware of my little secret as I turned back to Neil- Do you wanna help?

-Uh… You see… It’s pretty late so-

-Nah-uh!- I walked over to him, pulling him to where I was before- You can walk me to the store later. Let’s spend some quality time together.

-Oh, this is your husband!-She looked up at him, even with an appraising eye I didn’t miss.

-Yes!- I smiled- We are good now, if we need any help I’ll let you know!

- You’re really gonna make me stay in this store with you?- Neil complained

-Hey, what’s so bad about this store?

-Are you alright?- He asked- It’s full of baby gowns and it smells like baby powder. Makes me think about the future generations and how we’re all lost in their hands.

-Alright, your cynical wet-blanket. I’m trying to be happy for my sister- I turned back to see the little newborn clothes- Wouldn’t it be great if you could know the sex of the baby before it was born? I don’t know whether to buy her cute pink stuff or blue- I turned around to see him staring at me, pensively- What…?

-…-That was his answer for the first few seconds, then he turned his eyes to what I was looking at with a sigh- Why don’t you buy this one?- He pointed- It’s just a white gown, useful for a newborn, leave the gender-specific clothes to her.

-Okay- I said, going to pay for it before Neil offered to do it himself- See? You can be helpful when you want!- I grabbed his arm to leave once I had the bag with me

He didn’t reply again

-Neil? Hello? Calling Dr. Neil?-I asked

-Sorry. I’m just in a thinking mood. Must’ve been the wonderful trip to a baby store you took me on. First you make me think about the past, now about the future.- He looked at me, taking my arm- To the Ice Box, then?

-Yeah, I want to hear how Gerald’s going along and then I have a temperance meeting tomorrow. I can get Vera to invite me for tea after and then finally-

I stopped talking once I saw police officers speeding past us

-Wowsers… Where do you think they’re going?

-I guess there-He pointed unenthusiastically. From one of Chicago’s nicest neighborhoods, I could see the public gathering like the president had come to town. Then I realized it looked familiar.

My feet started taking me towards the inferno that surrounded the ritziest place I had been to. Neil started to follow me and call my name, but it was like I was in a trance. I made my way towards the street and the people that gathered around to watch. The mayor sat in a stretcher with doctors surrounding him in front of his gracious mansion, talking to police officers and the media that surrounded him.

-What happened?- I asked one lady who stood there and she turned to me

-Vera Adler, the mayor’s wife. She tried to kill the Mayor Adler and then left!

Neil whistled, more amused than surprised-Seems like someone in the hypocrite elite of Chicago got their fair share today. They’re not so different from scoundrels like us- He said getting a cigarette, lighting it up- There’s no rest for the wicked.

Leave it to this contrary son of a gun to be bored with loud music and people laughing and dancing and be amused by attempted murder

I turned around and saw the Ice Box’s personal Irish flat foot- Donovan!- I called and soon he came over- What the hell happened?

-Well, lassie. There was an attempt on the mayor’s life.

-This much I heard- I whispered- What actually happened? Why would Vera try to kill him?

-The version dat’s coming out in the papers it’s that the mayor found out she was cheating on him with multiple men and guess what? She is the new talk between the ladies. How can a respectable woman just sleep around like that? They started arguing because the mayor felt so betrayed, then she got a gun and took three shots at him, ya see?

I looked at him- Alright, buster, there’s more to the story. What actually happened?

He lowered his voice- Seems like your ‘picture’ got to the Mayor a little early.

-Gerald…?

-No. Not exactly- He pulled me and Neil aside- The Mayor knew Vera was cheating on him. But the truth is, lassie, you were wrong. The mayor doesn’t care about being cheated on, he doesn’t care if Vera sleeps around. If Vera steered the other way and kissed women he wouldn’t get her arrested

-So if the picture we were planning got to his hands, he wouldn’t have cared

-Turns out the Mayor ain’t big on love and respect, lassie.

I sighed- I should’ve guessed that. But it still doesn’t explain what happened.

-Vera was passing off information about the Mayor around. Turns out she wanted to dishonor him or something- He looked around before continuing- That big speakeasy she was building, she was working with Gerald’s gang to expand and paying off new people. All the money it takes to do that wasn’t coming from her pocket

-She was stealing from Adler- Neil said- Seems like she has quite the criminal mind

-It’s not just that. Vera wanted to have more power than Mayor Adler.- Donovan continued- She wanted control over him like she tried to have control over MC, like she did with Gerald. So she started spreading around rumors, going out on dates with politicians that are close to Adler. She’s been playing her manipulation cards and people started turning on Mayor, being less afraid of him.

-Wow- I said- She starts opening her mouth and the Mayor loses his grip on Chicago. His biggest nightmare

-I ‘eard this from another dirty cop. She also stole information about him. She tries to blackmail him and say if he doesn’t do what she wants, she’ll destroy ‘im.

-Wouldn’t put that past Vera-I said

-So Mayor Adler finds himself at risk of losing his power of his city and his woman climbing up the stairs to stomp on him: Stealing money, passing information, literally making the mayor look like a joke to everyone and she look like the queen in the process. She’s been using him and going behind his back-

-Which is the actual ultimate betrayal- I ended it for him- Here I was thinking it was child’s play, that he would have his heart broken to see her going out with Gerald…

-The Mayor isn’t a teenager- Neil said- We underestimated him.

-So,- Donovan resumed- He hears about all this, but for now it’s all just suspicions, he doesn’t have any proof. One of the mayor’s most trusted officers sees Vera and Gerald out on the “date” you put together. He knows O’Fallon is a mob boss and for Mayor Adler, that pretty much confirms the whole thing. So she gets home and they argue, she gets a gun, tried to kill him and then leaves Chicago

-That doesn’t make sense though. Vera obviously doesn’t know how to shoot and it’s not like her to do that- I said

-Besides- Neil pointed at the mayor- She would need to be a really good shot to shoot the mayor in three exact non-fatal spots.

-What do you mean?-I asked

-Look at it. The bullet holes are in three strategic spots, like whoever shot him wanted to make sure he didn’t die.

-Which means this was orchestrated- Donovan said- Besides, Vera just disappeared after coming home. Her driver is still in the house and no one saw her leave or at the station. She hasn’t been seen since

I looked at the whole scene for a second before speaking- For all we know, he could have had her killed

-We got what we were lookin’ for in the end- Donovan said- Even if it wasn’t the way we planned, lassie. Vera is disgraced. She’s a jezebel who sleeps around town and commits adultery left and right and it’s in all the papers for everyone to see. She will no longer be seen as a respectable lady.

-And on top of that- Neil started- She’ll never have any kind of power in Chicago again, since it all depended on her image.

-If she’s even alive, she just disappeared.-I lowered my head and suddenly felt it spinning. I should’ve been happier that our Vera problem was solved. But something in my gut told me the mayor would be the biggest problem the Ice Box had ever faced- We didn’t get this result because we wanted to. Vera did the Mayor wrong and he completely ruined her and then probably killed her

-And he gets to be the victim in the end. The poor mayor who was cheated on, got his heart broken and almost got killed.- Neil said- Humanity is a sickening thing nowadays

Donovan chuckled, though there was no humor in his voice- This ain’t humanity, doc- He looked back at the house- Mayor Adler is as far away from it as possible

-I’ll get MC away from here- Neil told Donovan- We’ll meet at the Ice Box tonight

Donovan agreed and Neil started pulling me away. My head kept spinning and spinning and my vision started to blur out suddenly

-MC!- I heard Neil’s distant, but extremely concerned voice calling my name

I don’t remember anything that happened after that.

_____

Author notes: Yes, Mayor Adler is the true villain of this story and he’s got a tight grip on Chicago. Plus, he’s insane, truly insane. The next few chapters the gang will be trying to deal with a man as powerful as him and they’ll realize they need to go to extremes this time to keep the Ice Box safe. Then there’s the fact MC just found out she’s expecting (our future Alton) and she’s got a wedding to worry about. Besides, let’s just say there’s an Uncle in Columbus that decided he ain’t too old to help and he’s still got what it takes to make his one big move to save Chicago with his little gang before he retires as mob boss. Uncle Charlie is coming back!

Thank you!!

Candy

#speakeasy #Speakeasy Tonight #lovestruck #lovestruck voltage #lovestruck usa #lovestruck fanfic #lovestruck game #Neil Dresner #vince moretti #Donovan Gallagher #gerald o'fallon #voltage amemix #amemix #visual novel #choices

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dancinginodessa · 4 years

Text

better late than never

I do a survey every year on New Year’s. It’s currently February 5. We’re going to make it “in the new year” this time so I don’t break my fifteen-year streak, okay?

1. What did you do in 2019 that you’d never done before?

Many things, some of them not suitable for a general audience. (I’ll tell you about Psych Bike when you’re older.) I went camping for the first time, which also means I set up a tent and slept outdoors for the first time. I had a surprise party for the first time, which is less something I did than something that was done for me. I was brave in new ways and drew new boundaries. I finished my first cross-stitching project. I broke my elbow. That last one actually sucked and I am not inclined to do it again.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

My sole resolution is always to read a certain number of books in the coming year. After an intervention from my therapist back in 2018, I’ve kept that number at 52, and this year I again succeeded with 63 total. I would like to think I enjoyed them more and chose them with greater discretion because I wasn’t racing towards an impossible goalpost.

I’m keeping my resolution. I’m also keeping the implicit sub-resolution, which is to continue finding ways to be kind to myself. We’ll see.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

I don’t think so, which probably means I’ve forgotten an ENTIRE BABY. Sorry, baby!

4. Did anyone close to you die?

My grandmother, in October. It was long and slow and agonizing and I miss her terribly.

5. What countries did you visit?

Does...does New Jersey count as a country?

6. What would you like to have in 2020 that you lacked in 2019?

A better singing voice, which means I am going to have to keep singing. But it wasn’t until 2019 that I was brave enough to do karaoke at all, so maybe this is possible!

Also, a short story published somewhere. Hell, scratch that - a short story, finished.

7. What date from 2019 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

October 6: my father’s stroke.

October 7: my grandmother’s death.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Surviving.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Not telling people what I needed; relatedly, pretending to myself that I didn’t have needs at all. No one benefits from that. It’s just a good way to cultivate resentment.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

I broke my damn elbow while carrying La Croix and no one will ever let me live it down. Also got the sniffles a few times.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Opera tickets to The Queen of Spades, maybe. The jigsaw puzzle I gave Griffin for the holidays, not least because he got me a jigsaw puzzle too and the moment we realized what we’d done was so, so delightful. Honorable mentions: bus tickets, medication, this one really great sweater.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

My mother. Me. Anyone on Twitter who made me laugh, especially Ashley Feinberg. The folks at One Story for being so kind when I left. My therapist.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

My mother. Me. The entire administration. The rest of Twitter.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Rent, food, and alcohol, perhaps not in that order. If my parents ask: in that order.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

The Fourth of July at the pirate ship; Psych Bike; karaoke night; any of a million things in this neighborhood, because this neighborhood now feels like home, and that’s the most exciting thing of all.

Also, Animal Crossing, though it got bumped until 2020 and I am only just hanging on.

16. What song will always remind you of 2019?

Among others, “The Bad Touch,” because it turns out I absolutely crush that one at karaoke night. Ditto “Truth Hurts.”

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? Sadder, but how could I not be?

ii. thinner or fatter? Unclear (love 2 have dysmorphia), but I think I gained a few pounds.

iii. richer or poorer? Roughly the same, which is frankly an achievement.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Sleeping. Writing. Asking for what I needed. Crocheting and cross-stitching and watching dumb TV. Kissing. Setting firm boundaries with someone in my industry who was harassing me, though that situation is (mostly?) resolved. Being brave - but I was already pretty brave.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Waiting for bad things to happen. They happen whether or not you expect them.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

My grandma is dead - did I mention? So Christmas was spent with my parents at our house, just the three of us. It was strange and sad but kind of wonderful, too. We are all figuring out how this family fits together now that there are fewer of us.

January 7: went to church, went to the Strand, went home and ate soup with Griffin because he was sick and I wanted to be with my buddy.

21. Did you fall in love in 2019?

Kept falling.

22. How many one-night stands?

Funny story! Funny story that I’m not going to put in writing.

23. What was your favourite TV program?

I didn’t watch much TV, but rewatching Parks and Rec has been great, even if some of it didn’t age super well. I’m also literally the last person on the internet to watch The Great British Baking Show and am 10000% on board.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

No. I’m too tired.

25. What was the best book you read?

I have a whole list, and I could not possibly tell you my favorite favorite. However, a few contenders would be Disappearing Earth by Julia Phillips, Maybe You Should Talk To Someone by Lori Gottlieb, Flights by Olga Tokarczuk, Trick Mirror by Jia Tolentino, In the Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado, etc. etc. etc...

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?

I’m not sure I actually listened to much that would qualify as a discover and not an extension of my existing interests, but I did discover that music is beginning to bring me joy the way it did in college and which I had been sorely missing.

27. What did you want and get?

A diagnosis. It’s good to have the words for yourself.

28. What was your favourite film of this year?

Lord. What even came out in 2019? I only just saw Parasite last weekend, here in 2020, but it counts, and I’m choosing that. Midsommar ruled too.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 28 and went to a nice dinner with my boyfriend that turned out to be a surprise party with my friends. It was great and I cried.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

My grandmother.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2019?

Bisexuality™

32. What kept you sane?

Last year I said “In no particular order: therapy, my mom, crocheting, cross-stitching, the New York Times crossword, gummy worms, venting to Karen, coffee.”

And...that’s about right.

Shoutout to Xanax, though.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Ruby Tandoh, William Jackson Harper, Michael B. Jordan, Janelle Monae, the bear from MIdsommar (that last one is a joke)

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

Everything, but especially family separation.

35. Who did you miss?

My parents, especially after the stroke. My grandmother, always.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

The entire neighborhood crew. I am so lucky to have them.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2019:

You can make it through more than you imagined.

#the year in review

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holylulusworld · 5 years

Text

Second chances – Part 2

Summary: Dean leaves reader after Sam jumps into the pit. Six months later he finds out that his brother is back and his ex is pregnant. Can he win her over once again or will he lose her and his son to someone else?

Pairing: former Dean x Reader, Sam x Reader?, Jody Mills

Warnings: language, break-up, heartache, pregnant reader, sad reader, angst, arguments

Second chances Masterlist

"He started the whole thing, Jody!" Dean grunts. "I only wanted to talk to Y/N! He hit me!"

“I don’t care who started the fight. Y/N is pregnant. She doesn’t need that kind of stress. Keep your shit together – both of you! You want her back Dean? Then earn her trust and love. She went through hell because of you!” Jody yells.

“I know I messed up things between Y/N me, but I still love her. I only want the chance to make it up to her." Dean begs.

“Sure. Suddenly you’re interested in getting her back. You’re only interested in her now as she’s pregnant. If the Djinns wouldn’t have attacked you, Y/N could rot in hell and you wouldn’t care at all.” Sam yells.

“That’s not fair! Remember what you did when I was in hell? You left her too to fuck a goddamn demon chick!”

“Really Dean? I worked with Ruby to hunt Lilith down. Y/N knew I work with Ruby. She wasn’t happy about it but she let me do my thing as she wanted to avenge you too. Y/N had my number and she could’ve called me any time. You just cut all ties to fuck another slut!”

“I wanted to start a new life, to carry on after I lost you, Sammy. Y/N remembered me of the good times with you. I know I hurt her. I hate myself for it. I’m just asking for a second chance to make it up to her.”

"Dean, how will you make it up to her? You left her and you didn't even give her the chance to tell you she’s pregnant. You never asked Bobby if she’s alright. She could’ve died during a hunt and you wouldn’t care at all!” Sam yells again.

“That not true! She had Bobby! He would never let her hunt alone! I knew she’s safe with Bobby. He loves her like a daughter!” Dean yells back.

“You don’t get it? Right? Do you know how heartbroken Y/N was? Bobby had to force her to eat something. She wanted to die after you left her behind. Almost a whole month she didn’t leave his guest room. I had to help Bobby to drag her out.”

“I…”

“After she was out of the room she started to cry all over again, shaking she couldn’t breathe right. Y/N broke down and we had to call an ambulance. The doctor feared she could lose the baby.” Sam says with a trembling voice.

“I didn’t know it would hit her so hard. The last months we spend together we were fighting the whole time. We were hurting each other over and over again.” Dean winces.

“Are you that stupid? She was scared that you will say yes to Michael. She was afraid to lose you and her best friend.”

“How should I have known that?”

“Maybe if you would’ve put the stick out of your stubborn ass you would’ve seen the fear in Y/N’s eyes.” Sam grunts.

"Oh, so you were looking her into the eyes. I'm right, you want to fuck her! I knew it!"

“God sometimes you’re such an idiot Dean. I love Y/N, that’s true but as a friend. She’s like a sister to me. I would never just fuck her!” Sam lies. Deep inside he always loved you, but he knows your heart belongs to Dean so he never said a word.

“Then let me proof I love her and that I can be the man she needs - that I can be a good father for our baby. I’m only asking for a second chance Sammy. Don’t you understand how it feels to beg someone for a second chance?” Dean whispers.

“Fine. If she’s willing to give you a second chance then I won’t interfere. But if she wants you to leave I’ll make sure you’re going to leave.” Sam says. Voice low and dominant.

“I won’t hurt her again.”

“Good. It’s up to Y/N. I swear if you hurt her again I’m going to hurt you so bad you wish you can go back to hell.”

Taking a deep breath Sam sits down onto Jody's couch while Dean almost runs upstairs.

“Maybe you should tell her how you feel Sam before it’s too late. She won’t forgive him that easily and you still have a chance to win her over.” Jody whispers.

“She always loved Dean. I can’t make her life harder by telling her I have feelings for her. Y/N means too much to me that I force her to choose between Dean and me.”

"You're too good for this world, you know that Sam," Jody says placing a hand on Sam’s shoulder.

Shrugging Sam casts his look down. He always had feelings for you, even if he’s not sure if it’s love or just a deep friendship.

---

Lying on the bed in Jody’s guest room you start sobbing. Sam hit his brother because of you. They shouldn’t fight. Sam and Dean should be happy to have each other back.

Sniffing you wipe away the tears. Hearing the yelling downstairs stopped you sigh relieved. Maybe Jody made Dean leave?

Hearing the door to the room opening you take a deep breath. You guess it’s Jody but then you feel the bed dip and you turn around. Holding a cooling pad against his jaw Dean is looking down at your hurt form.

“Jody said I should apologize to you for my behavior. I’m sorry for everything that happened. Sam and Bobby ganked the Djinns and I brought my stuff to Bobby’s. I’ll stay there until you agree to let me help you in raising our child."

Turning away from him you clench your fists. How can Bobby allow Dean to stay at his house? After all he did to you?

“Where is Sam?” You ask.

“He’s downstairs. Sam warned me to not hurt you or say something stupid again. He even tried to kick my balls but he was to slow.” Dean chuckles.

“What a pity.” You snap at him.

“Can I touch your baby bump? Please.”

“No.”

“Please, I’ll do anything.”

I…fine but then you have to leave. I’m tired and tomorrow I have to work early.”

Humming Dean smiles at you. Laying onto your back you let Dean carefully stroke your baby bump. Feeling the baby kicking his eyes widen.

"He kicked me," Dean says excitedly.

“I know he’s inside of me.” You mutter.

“Can I stay a bit longer?” He pleas.

“Shouldn’t you go back to your family?” You whisper.

“Lisa is with Ben at her sister’s house. I told her about you and the baby. She was kinda relieved when I said that I’ll leave her.”

“Why do you tell me this? That’s none of my concern.”

“Please. I know I messed up everything but give me the chance to make it up to you. We could try to have a family.”

“This will never work. You don’t want me.”

“Please.”

“You told me six months ago you want to leave me…”

"I was sad and hurt…Please, I regretted leaving you."

“I’m tired. Can you leave now?” “Please let me stay to touch your bump a bit longer. I’ll do anything.”

“Fine. But I’m going to try to sleep so don’t wake me up.”

Closing your eyes you try to relax while Dean kisses your bump softly. Lying down next to you he gently strokes your bump.

Falling asleep you can’t see the smile on Dean’s face and the light in his eyes. Watching you makes his heart swell.

Part III

Second Chances Tags

@mirandaaustin93, @hopefulcolorcollectorsthings, @sammykb1994

Forever Tags

@donnaintx , @screechingartisancashbailiff, @fallen-wolf22 , @curly-haired-disaster, @sister-winchesters99 , @mogaruke, @the-is13, @helloitsmeamie203, @strayrosesbloom , @thewinchesterco , @hobby27, @kittycatlover18, @hawaiianohana15, @gh0stgurl , @marvelfansworld , @sandlee44, @unlikelysamwinchesteronahunt, @katpatrova17

Dean/Jensen Forever Tags

@mirandaaustin93, @spnfamily-thewinchesters, @love-my-not-natural-babies , @supernatural-bellawinchester , @hawaiianohana15, @butifulsoul125, @lyinginthegingerlocks

#dean winchester #sam winchester #jody mills #SPN #spn fanfic #Second chances Masterlist #arguments #pregnant reader #angst #sad reader #heartbreak #breakup

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hail-langdvn · 5 years

Text

Invictus

Part: 1

Summary: (Y/N) will inevitably win, rendering her unconquerable, whether by the side of her lover, Michael, or beside her mother, Cordelia.

Warning(s): Fem!Witch!Reader x Michael Langdon, i don't think there's anything off but sorry if there something in here

Word Count: 1.7k

(oof! so, wrote this awhile ago so that's why it's in second person instead of third person omniscient like i always have it lol, sorry! the next part might be in third tho just a heads)

Outpost 3 was the strangest by far. The previous out posts you and Michael visited were breeding babies by the week but this one, Outpost 3, they hadn't even touched one another.

“Sad, imagine us being abstinent for eighteen months.” You mumble holding Michael's hand as you both enter the library filled with the remaining of the human race.

“(Y/N), please.” Michael releases your hand as you two stand before the people of Outpost 3. “My name is Langdon, this is Foxx, and we represent the Cooperative. I will not sugar-coat it, humanity is on the brink of failure.”

“Our arrival here was crucial to the survival of civilized life on Earth.” You announce glancing around. Your heart drops to your stomach when you see two of your (former) sisters: Coco and Mallory. They looked at you and Michael as if they've never seen you a day in their lives. I give you props, mom. You think to yourself. The world was ending and here we have it, two witches. It was definitely set up.

“If there is one thing (Y/N) cares about,” Zoe announces to the council, “it's herself. You're incapable of picking a side other than your own.” You scoff and shake your head.

“You know what Michael is planning, yet you refuse to tell us?” Your mother asks.

“If I knew, I would tell you.” You knew as much as they did. All you knew was Michael had business in his father's will and you wanted to live. If survival came down to following Michael, then so be it.

“A lie can only travel so far, dear.” Aunty Myrtle states, placing her gloved-hands on the table set before her.

“Mother, Aunt Myrtle, Zoe,” You fake your solemnity, “I don't want to put our Coven in danger, but I can promise all I know is Michael is planning to fulfill his father's will.”

“What happens if we choose not to?” Someone asks, snapping you out of your daze.

“Then you stay here and die.” You deadpan, already annoyed of the presence of these people. Michael nods in agreement. The man with the white-ish hair volunteers to go first and Michael allows. The atmosphere becomes dense, everyone fearing for their lives. The feeling gives you a small amount of joy, sadistic joy.

“The process should only take me a couple of days, so you won't be kept in suspense forever.” Michael explains easing off the tension from the air. “For those of you who don't make the cut, all is not lost.”

“If the worst should happen and feral cannibals come knocking, down one of these.” You continue from Michael. “One minute later,”

“You fall asleep and never wake up.” Michael finishes for you. His sinister smile reappears as he takes one last look around. “I look forward to meeting each and every one of you.”

As you and Michael exit, the curiosity settles with you, making you super uneasy. What is my mother planning? You ask yourself as the two of you walk down the hall to your shared room. You feel Michael's slim fingers snake around your waist and pull you into him closer. “You look like you're thinking hard.” He says, opening the door. “Something different about this Outpost?”

You shake your head and shrug off Coco and Mallory for now. “No, but Mr. Gallant seem very fond of you, honey.” You place the stack of portfolios on Michael's desk next to his MacBook. “Let's hope there isn't another repeat of Outpost 1.”

Michael smoothly walks over to you on the bed. The way he presented himself and walked, always gliding so smoothly. He never truly stumbled, it wasn't in his character to. “Let's not get so jealous, my love.” He whispers in your ear as he spreads your legs, placing himself between them. Michael places soft kisses to your neck while you move his hair out of the way. You release a soft moan when he starts to suck on your collarbone. “M-Michael.” You breathe out, poorly attempting to push him off. “Interviews, remember?”

Michael pauses when hearing a knock on the door. He gets up causing cold air to rush to your fresh love Mark. “Get the door, my love.” He commands, straightening himself out. You obey, opening the door to reveal Ms. Venable.

“Hello, Ms. Venable. Can I help you?” You ask politely. She dismisses you and looks over to Michael. “Mr. Langdon, Mr. Gallant is ready whenever you are.” Just like that she heads back where she came from. Bitch. You say in your head, shutting the door. You practically stomp over to the bed and sit. Michael laughs, kissing your forehead. “I was being nice.” You deadpan, obviously still annoyed.

“I know.”

° ° °

“I did what was necessary.” Michael was stern. You hated it, he didn't even care that you were on the brink of tears.

“Necessary or what would throw my mother off the edge?” You snap, placing your head in your hands. Michael scoffs as he paces around the room.

“I thought we were on the same page. They killed my Ms. Mead.” He angrily says, still pacing.

“You massacred my sisters, Michael, really?” Your sobs wrenches his heart. As much as you despised them and we're easily annoyed by them, it was all the work of Cordelia, the other girls had nothing to do with it. It was always time like these where your loyalty wavered. You couldn't be too sure with either side. Michael wanted to do his father's will and would do anything it takes. Your mother would kill the whole world if it meant protecting the coven. You? As you sat there, in the cold, quiet room, you began to wonder what's next for you, who would you do anything for?

Your body shook itself up from the dream. You always thought it was pathetic. Always play both sides, as long as you'd stay alive. Michael was soundly asleep next to you, always being such a heavy sleeper. Closing your eyes, you try to sleep again, not wanting to bring any awareness to Michael. He only allowed you to mourn for so long. How was it possible that you could just shove it in a box and only revisit it during a dream?

You get up out of the bed and slip out the door. When you arrive in the kitchen you see a familiar face: Mallory. “You're still up?” You ask her announcing your presence making Mallory startled.

“Sorry, Foxx. Yes, can't get much sleep around here.” Mallory explains with a sigh.

“This about the sanctuary?” You ask. Mallory shakes her head.

“No,” she instantly replies, moving across the kitchen, “I wasn't expecting to make it, I'm a gray. But what gets me is,” she pauses for a second, “I'm so close to dying soon.” You sigh, pitying her, she was your sister, of course. Although, you never got too close to anyone, vulnerability wasn't something you were really down to put yourself up for, but with the coven, you always just felt like it was attached to one of your heartstrings.

“Don't worry, my child,” You coo therapeutically, “Langdon isn't basing off of money and upbringings. Here's a secret: He wants to have strong-minded people. People who don't let anyone influence their choices. He wants a world without the hypocrisy, with the kinds of people who wouldn't just eat from the fruit of the forbidden tree, but who'd cut the tree down and burn it for firewood.” Mallory listens closely before handing you your cup of tea. “Goodnight, Mallory.”

“Goodnight, Foxx.” Mallory replies. As you slip into the darkness, you turn around to face Mallory in the last centimeters of light. “I think you're made for that world, Mallory.”

When you get up to the room, Michael looks at you with tired eyes. You take a seat on the desk chair. “Why are you awake, my love?” He groggily asks, rubbing his eye.

“Thinking about the sanctuary.” You lie, resting your head in the palm of your hand. You couldn’t lie you missed your mother, Cordelia. Despite all the shit she racked up, you just missed her being.

“And?” You hear him slip out of the bed and waltz behind you. His hands run up your biceps to your shoulders and on to your hair. Michael's attempt to calm you only worked so much.

“Nothing, darling. Go back to sleep.” The feeling of longing for your mother that once settled its way in your heart subsided and was replaced with the ice cold mechanism that operated over it. Michael sighs at you dismissing his tenderness. “(Y/N).” He pushes, running his hands through your tangled hair. “Don't dismiss me.”

You sigh building it up, you knew Michael would be mad. But you couldn't help your feeling of missing your mom, it was just a normality. It was on the tip of your tongue. “I,” you breathe out, “I just miss,” you stop yourself, you could already envision what was going to happen if you said Cordelia.

“I just miss Cordelia.” You finally release. You feel his hands drop to his side and him step away from you. You could feel the tension and hurt building up.

“You miss, Cordelia? Your mother?” He repeats. You shamefully nod your head, regretting to even tell him. “After all I laid out for you? I get you here and you-”

“You miss what, my love?” Michael asks softly in your ear.

“The olden days,” you cover quickly, making it as believable as possible, “I miss you coming all the way to New Orleans to help me sneak out and-” You stop yourself. After a few seconds you get the courage to turn around to face the beautiful, blonde, long-haired boy.

“Your mother.” He finishes. “I get it. I miss my Ms. Mead.” Michael sits on the bed staring off. “Not this bot, the real Ms. Mead. The only one who pushed me to fulfill my father's will.” You make your way over to him, clinging your body to his. The both of you sit there for a minute, reminiscing when times weren't so complicated. “(Y/N), I love you. I would travel to the ends of the Earth if that meant I could be with you forever.”

“I love you, too.” You meant it, but you received that feeling that always hit you when Cordelia lectured you. What was next and why did you feel like Cordelia was planning to kill you and Michael?

#ahs8 #michael langdon #michael langdon x reader #michael langdon imagine #ahs apocalypse #cody fern #ahs imagines #ahs #imagines

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ain-t-bovvered · 5 years

Text

14x08 Commentary

Zeta and Giuls scream together, and then die.

Me & Zeta will watch together season 14′s episodes as they come out and we’ll do our commentary while watching.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

14x08 Byzantium

Guys I don’t know if I can be funny this episode.

-....HER?! WHAT. ....oooooh they are gonna do something stupid aren’t they?

Zeta: can I not see Jack like this please?

- “please don’t be sad”

Zeta : Sam? Not sad? ..lol

-is Dean there to choose an album ? wth ...also damn son can you all stop looking like pain in the flesh?

- the oxygen tank?....naaah fam I’m good, bye I can’t. Zee give me the strength to keep going because I’m gonna throw myself out the window

- oh shit...the scene....the promo scene that killed us all.

Zeta : Cas doesn’t know who to worry about anymore.

- Everyone but himself that’s for sure

-Oh my god SAM, omg Jared you and your eyes are gonna kill me this season.

Zeta : “what happens next?”

-oh shit I didn’t think about it.

both: we are gonna die too

- “an adventure”

Zeta : is he serious?!?!

-Oh Dean really doesn’t want to be there.

Zeta : LOOK AT ALL THE HURT

- D: “I can’t..” bitch me too the fuck

- ..pAiN

- C:” He NEEDS you “

- S:”He’s gone”

-asgajsvdaksdasdh WHAT

- I can almost taste the guilt seasoned with pain right there.

Zeta : the fuck?!

- THAT WAS FAST . U KIDDIN’ , WHAAAAAAT THEEEEE FUUUUCK

Zeta : I’m speechless. I can’t even focus on the bowlegs.

- Dean talking about the hunter’s funeral and Sam can’t fucking take it

-OH I love Sam’s stance, beautiful.....aaaaand he’s gone.

-My soul and whole being is hurting but boy that was an amazing Destiel moment and that’s the shit I wanna see.

- Damn, Cas is spiriling

Zeta : Cas is obliterated

-.... OF COURSE THERE IS A VOICEMAIL. Dean’s annoyed af face at his mom’s voicemail is giving me life, and look....my skin is already clearer.

Zeta : Like the bitch cares

- Castiel clutching Kelly’s pic , probably thinking he failed yet again. lol I wanna die....it would hurt less.

- SAM NO

Zeta : where is he going??

-I hope not doing anything stupid

Zeta : I can’t watch them like that bitch

-CASS IS DRIVING!, CASS IS DRIVING , WHAT. HOW. WHAT. I love that is Cass who is driving

Zeta : Dean’s not driving??

- FUCK YEAH

- Probably Sam took Baby and Dean was like....listen babe I’m not even gonna touch that suburban mom’s steering wheel I don’t wanna feel dirty. Baby could smell it and you know how jealous she is.

-”Why did you let him leave?” WELL HE DID AS U ASKED BITCH

- AND HE’S WEARING THE SEAT BELT!! my European's ass is singing ( is it true that y’all americans don’t have to use it? because....wild and also why. Here if they catch you without the seat-belt they skin your ass)

- kill me with that axe

Zeta : something’s wrong here.

-Yeah...they are hurting so much, I hate it. What the fuck is it with everybody’s eyes, fuck me.

Zeta : I think n.1 dad was Sam

-Nah....Cass is #1 Dad , Sam related to Jack. Dean is the step dad who didn’t think could love the kid and now he’s fucked because he love him too.

Zeta : “Taken before me”

Zeta : We get loaded

- omg do we get to see them drunk? omg yes.

Zeta : Please call help

- Is THat NOugAt?

-OMFG

Zeta : bitch

-AAAAAAAAAAAH CAS SMILE AND LAUGH THAT IS JUST SO MISHA OMFG.

- But Castiel entering the room a bit unsteady and with two bottle ? FUCKING MOOD.

Zeta : I love drunk Dean

-WHAT

.WHAT WAS THAT LOOK BETWEEN THEM . WHAT.

my soul....hurts stop it.

-Awe Sam....lol weak.

- Cause of death : Dean slurred drunk sad voice, “We did everything we could right?”

Zeta : HIS VOICE

-”I’m gonna teach you how to read a map”

I can’t deal bitch

-THe DoubLE StRaws

-someone needs to change that lightbulb.

Zeta : Heaven

- THe fuck

Zeta :...Hell..?

- what’s up with shining there

- Dean’s dying groan in the morning: MOOD, SAME.

Zeta : you got old

- Cass and Sam looking fresh and stylish as always .

[enters Dean] the trashcan is heeeeere

- rebooting Dean.exe

Zeta : he can’t even english

-shhh

- oh....no

both: PASS

- but what is the priiiiceeee

Zeta : simple as that

- ...well I mean...fair. I guess she wants to meet her daughter and shit

Zeta : seriously?

-Well we already saw Osiris.

Zeta : Major Dick

-When god left - sorry long story- .

-Oh...no who ARE YOU

Zeta :he does that thing with the eyes.

-WHATSAHFDBF

Zeta : What the hell

- I wanna cry. I am crying

Zeta : thanks, the last part of my heart just withered and died

- Oh no wait until she realize he’s dead

Zeta : aaaaaand

- ...here it comes

- Boi this season is painful

Zeta : Peach, it rhymes with bitch

-oh he really doesn’t like her

- S: “ Taking risks , making crappy deals. The family business “

-”AWESOME”

- “ MORE AWESOME”

Zeta : Was that black goo Lucifer?

- I can’t tell honestly, maybe him and the Empty made a path or something IDK.

-I don’t like when Castiel leaves alone. Bad things happen .

-Sam head tilt lol.

Zeta : forced smile much.

Zeta :look at him ( Dean)

- AH TOLD YA

-Heaven looking nice as always

- I do like seeing Castiel in heaven

Zeta : natural habit and I do love angels clothes

- yeah....50 shades of gray

Zeta : hello Bitch

- *gritted teeth* Naomi

Zeta : He was THAT annoying

- THAT ACCENT THO

- Naomi : Give it what it wants

Cas:

- Cass: “ NO”

-no bitch , Jack he’s everything wtf.

- So Nick woke up the Empty then? *dean’s voice* AWESOME

So now there are 2 big baddies ?

*dean’s voice* MORE AWESOME

- SNAPPY

Zeta : pushing pencils , damning souls

-MY KIND OF WORK

-oh u going down that’s what

Zeta : I’d prefer the scale and the feather

- but the abacus has more sense tho...like....counting good deeds and bad ones, like in the good place right? Can we see the Winchesters using that? I bet the thing would explode.

Zeta : that went well

- Sorry bitch what did u expect

- oooooh what was that little chuckle Castiel stop killing me this season. It burned

Zeta : it stung

- “I failed you”

K: “ you didn’t....Jack...he’s wonderful “

*bawling* YES HE IS

- Misha need to control that eyebrow or so help me god.

Zeta : he needs to control his whole face bitch

- I fucking hate where the angels goes when they die ok

Zeta : fuck

- OH BITCH. *dramatic zoom*

- “He’S OuR KiD”

KIIIIID

*bawling*

Zeta : look at Dean

-MY GOD

both: don’t do this to us

- Empty : “SToP iNteRrupTinG!” Damn bitch, pipe the fuck down

Zeta : crazy ass bitch

I LOVE HER

- I love how she’s doing the Empty. like....*slow clapping*

Empty: “Where I’m taking you is worse than Hell”

oh well you are definitely selling the place

- Empty:” Oh god they look scared. Does that hurt you?”

- *Cass brandishing his angel blade* ....

me already knowing where this is going: oh honey...no

-Puppy Winchesters eyes always wins

Zeta : He can’t hear you.....oh he can

- .... Is that how he is every time Dean pray to him?

When Dean prays:

SAME

me seeing Castiel getting up :

Castiel: TAKE ME

Zeta : take me instead

- he’s so.....snarly....

Zeta : I bet you are drooling

- I am.

A dumb fucking angel: “You want me”

me: I do

A dumb fucking angel: “I would go now and I would go willingly “

me: no u don’t

-NO , NO DEAL, FUCK YOU, FUCK U.

Empty: “ oh “ creepy chuckle “but not now” sharps intakes of breath “ no no no, you see ...what I meant....I want you to suffer . I want you to go back to your own life and forget about this and forget about me and when you finally give yourself permission to be happy...and let the sun shine on your face ...that’s....when I’ll come. That’s when I’ll come to drag you to nothing”

Zeta :She’s goooood

- Castiel: “I accept”

oh look it’s me when I’ll meet Misha ^

and now for an out of context gif:

-She’s so good. I love her BUT FUCK THE EMPTY

- “Because I love you Jack” CRYING CRYING.

- C: “ They don’t need to know what happened”

Zeta : of course they don’t.

- Jack: “ I won’t tell them”

OH so now Jack drove the Impala, snacked on burgers, has hunted, has died and now he has to lie and keeps secret?

CONGRATULATIONS YOU ARE NOW A

- ...

FUCK , CASS YOU DAMN SELFLESS BITCH.

IMMA SMACK HIM.

hold me back bitch because imma smack his face

Zeta : control yourself bitch

-NO IMMA SMACK HIS ASS

Zeta : I can’t wait for the gag reel of this part.

Omg Kelly babe . I’m so glad they met .

-WHAT WAS THAT FACE AGAIN CASTIEL

Zeta : dEAD

- J:”Good, I feel good”

WELL I DON’T *hiss*

-oh that hug. omg my heart

- oh well....uh look at dat I fucking bet that the sacrifice got her heaven watch that.

HI LOOK HOW FUCKING HAPPY HE IS TO BRING HOME SO MUCH WIN ?!?!

friendly reminder that he just like...sold his” soul” to the Empty, tell me again that Castiel doesn’t care.

-...Naomi you bitch why couldn’t you tell that before?

Zeta : because she’s a bitch

- D: “ And we know where Michael is, not sure how you pulled that one off “ *side eyeing Cas*

me: *HISS*

- don’t make me think about the fact that Dean cooked those burghers ( as you can see from the counter) while he looked happily at his family reunited . lol *sobs*

- There is a warm happy feeling in my chest right now. I don’t like it, can’t wait for the writers to rip it off my chest pretty soon.

Zeta : is he wearing the dead man’s robe?

. ....yep

Zeta : I’m dead inside

- Dead with a slither of happiness that will get choked out of us, just you wait.

...

WAIT A MINUTE

*goes back*

wHAT IS THIS SHIT OMFG DEAN

IT’S FINE

If you want to get tagged in the future ones send an ask HERE or to @waywardbaby or a smoke signal, idk whatever I’m tired af.

TAGS: @supernatural-teamfreewillpage @destiel-honeypie @mariekoukie6661 @dragontamerm @closetspngirl @rainflowermoon @mattiecat @bunnybaby121115 @aliaitee @jacks-word-of-the-day @4evamc

#supernatural ep 14x08 #supernatural season 14 #spn season 14 #season 14 spoilers #supernatural 14x08 #14x08 #14x08 byzantium #spn episode commentary #Episode commentary #spn commentary #season 14 #season 14 commentary #spn gifs

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my-personal-writing-wonderland · 6 years

Text

My favorite - Lucifer x reader

Words: ~1910 words

Warning: incest (don’t read when you’re not comfortable with it!), a bit more swearing than usually

Pairing: Lucifer x sister!reader

Summary: Lucifer has inappropriate feelings for his baby sister. Will you return his feelings or does his love for you destroy everything?

Everyone knows the stories of the four archangels Michael, Lucifer, Raphael and Gabriel. But only a few people know about the existence of the fifth archangel. She’s the youngest of all of them.

And her name is (y/n).

She is everything her brothers aren’t. While her brothers always argue with each other over the most ordinary things, (y/n) hated every kind of beef. She isn’t as frantically law-abiding as Michael, as prideful as Lucifer, as imperious as Raphael or as mischievous as Gabriel.

No she is the most innocent, insightful and selfless angel god has ever created.

Lucifer may be his father’s favorite but she’s the archangel’s. Every one of them saw her as their perfect little baby sister which needed to be protected at all costs. They would murder, even die for her without a second thought.

Normally, the archangels do nothing but argue all day. No matter how trivial the topic is, they find a reason to argue with each other. Before (y/n) was born there were differences in opinion on a daily basis but she managed to bind them together without even trying.

The first time she started crying after she witnessed an argument between her brothers Lucifer and Gabriel about Gabriel showing her some pranks, the angels vowed to never argue in front of her ever again. It was a heart-breaking sight to see her crying because she thought her brothers don’t love her and each other anymore.

Especially Lucifer hates to see her cry more than anything and to be the reason for her distress was the worst thing he ever had to experience. Since this day he swore to himself that he will do everything in his power to never see his sister crying again.

Of course, all archangels loves (y/n) with all their heart and would do everything for her but to everyone’s surprise Lucifer was always the most devoted from all of them.

Moreover, he is very, very protective, yeah nearly unhealthy possessive, over her. If it was possible he would be by her side 24/7 in order to protect his baby sister from everyone and everything. He just couldn’t risk to lose her, she’s his favorite sibling and there isn’t any being he loves more, not even his father.

His life would be perfect if there only weren’t these certain feelings he developed for his little girl over the last years.

These unmorally, impure feelings no brother should have for a sibling. But no matter how hard he tries he isn’t able to deny his feelings for her. His baby sister. You.

Lucifer’s POV:

I’m making my way to you after another argument with my older brother. Michael really knows how to make me livid like it’s his only purpose. Oh father, no matter what I do Michael always finds a reason to bash me. Without you I probably wouldn’t talk to him at all anymore.

Sometimes I fear my brother suspects me to have inappropriate feelings for you. He never said anything but his look when I hug you just a bit too long or snap at any other angel who dares to touch you in my presence(except for the other archangels even if I don’t like that either) shows his resentment.

After a little eternity I find you sitting on a huge stone in your favorite forest. From all places in heaven you choose this one to spend most of your time in. I don’t understand what’s so special about this place but as long as you like it here I won’t complain.

“Hello, (y/n).”

You turn your face around to face me. A huge smile crosses your face which let my heart skip a beat.

“Shh, not so loud, Lucy. He’s sleeping,” you giggle innocently.

Only now I see the little rabbit sitting on your lap. Smiling, I shake my head while approaching you. You always had a weak spot for animals, it’s just adorable. If it was possible you would adopt all of them.

Silently, I sit beside you, my arm casually finds his way around your shoulder. It’s something so natural for us. Cuddling, holding hands, hugging each other, it’s just our thing.

Thinking about it, this whole place is perfect for us. No other angel, not even Michael knows about this place. Since you first found it it’s your safe haven and a few years ago you told me about this place because you wanted “to show me its beauty”. To be completely honest, it makes me beyond proud that you chose only me to share this place with.

“I found this little fellow behind a bush. He hurt his leg, so I healed him,” you tell me softly.

“He’s lucky you found him, (y/n). You definitely are the most good-hearted angel father has ever created.”

Again you’re giggling. In these moments you look so perfect. Screw that, you always look perfect in my eyes. The shining in your eyes when you laugh over the smallest things, the way you bite your lips when you’re nervous, I mean how can someone not love you?

Sometimes I really hate father for doing this to me. Why do I have to have feelings for you? My pure, little baby sister. But no matter how hard I try I can’t stifle my feelings for you. It physical hurts to have you near me all the time without being able to suppress these feelings, to touch how I want, kiss you how I want. And shit, I do want to kiss you so bad.

And I can’t stop these fantasies I have with you. There is no other being I want to call mine and the thought about you with someone else gives me the urge to punch a wall. No one is allowed to touch you but me.

But there is no way I will ever be able to suppress these feelings. It’s impossible that you feel the same. You’re too innocent and commendable to want a relationship with your own brother and I would never impose you to return my feelings.

“Luci, what’s wrong? Did something happen with Michael? I can talk to him if you want me to. It’s mean of him to shout at you all the time.”

Another thing I love about you, no matter what you always know when something upset me.

“Don’t worry. Michael is indeed rather annoying but it’s nothing I can’t handle, my dear little sister. I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not fine, Luci. You do know I can see it in your face when something’s wrong, don’t you?”

I really want to tell you I’m alright but I could never lie to you. No matter what I try you always see right through me. It’s like you have a sixth sense for this.

“It’s nothing, just… there’s an angel. She’s kind and beautiful but there is no way she will ever be interested in me.”

“Oh…”

You’re silent for a minute or two and for a moment I’m afraid you know about whom I’m talking about.

“Did you told her about your feelings?”

“No, she would be disgusted by me.”

“Why would she be disgusted? She should be honored that you fell in love with her.”

Again, I begin to smile but this time it’s a sad one.

“She’s out of my league, little girl. Furthermore, father wouldn’t approve the bond. Even if I told her, she doesn’t feel the same and our…friendship wouldn’t be the same anymore. I can’t lose you.”

With that you fully turn to me, your brows furrow in confusion.

“Why would you lose me?”

“What?”

“You said you can't lose me,” you state.

Shit. For the first time ever I’m not able to interpret your look. Normally, you have this sweet, innocent puppy eyes but now they’re just… indescribable.

“Did I?” I asked hesitantly and start laughing nervously. Wow, I just want to punch myself. Now you will definitely know something’s wrong. You can read me like a book anyway but in this case it’s easy for everyone to notice I’m lying.

“Yeah, you did, Luci.”

Your voice is tentatively, your look still confused. My hands start to sweat like crazy. Oh father, since when can an archangel sweat?!

“Luci…,” you start in a quite voice, “Michael once told me to stay away from you because he thinks you have unsuitable feelings for me. I didn’t really understand what he meant by that. Do you have feelings for me?”

I want to deny it and tell you how wrong Michael is but no matter how loud my mind screams at me I can only nod.

How is it possible to fuck up like that? I had everything I ever wanted. A loving sibling who understand and support me like no one else ever had. Someone I could tell all of my problems and struggles without fearing to get judged. Well, at least nearly all of my problems.

But now I can’t even look you in the eyes. You’re the most important person in my life and now I will lose you forever because of my disgusting feelings for you.

“(Y/n), you don’t have to say anything. You can’t believe how ashamed I am to have these feelings. I know how fucked up and wrong that is and I promise I will let you be from now on.”

It’s obvious that we will never be the same. You will tell Michael and Michael will tell everyone else, including father. He will probably banish me for this. Then I won’t ever see you again. Alone the thought let tears well up in my eyes.

I’m about to stand up and leave you alone when you grab my arm.

“Don’t you want to know what I think about it?”

The question isn’t what I expected. Finally I’m brave enough to return you view unsurely. But I can’t find the hatred and loathing I expected.

“I don’t think your feelings are disgusting. I have the same feelings, Luci and unlike you I’m not ashamed of them,” you smiled softly. Your cheeks turn bright red while you’re talking and it’s the cutest sight I was ever able to witness.

“You… what? (Y/n) you don’t have to say that. I would never demand you to return the feelings I have for—“

But fortunately, you interrupt me by caressing my face in your soft, tiny hands. “I know you don’t demand anything. But you always were my favorite and I love you with all my heart.”

With that I can’t stop myself anymore. Finally, after all these years of admiring you, I lean in to kiss you.

And the kiss is better than I’ve ever imagined. After all these years it finally happens. No matter how often I fantasized about this exact moment I never thought it would be THIS good. I wish this kiss would never end and I can’t stop myself from hugging you tightly during it in fear you will disappear any moment if I don’t.

After an eternity we forced ourselves to break the kiss and both of us can’t stop smiling like idiots from the happiness we’re feeling.

“You sure you want that, my little girl. We can never tell anyone about this.”

“I don’t care. I want you, Luci. Now and forever.”

“Now and forever,” I repeat before kissing you once more.

#supernatural #supernatural one shot #supernatural x reader #spn #spn x reader #lucifer x reader #lucifer spn #lucifer #sister!reader #sister #fanfic

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summerseachild · 5 years

Text

Because I am a glutton for punishment, I rewatched season 3.

The story so far: For those of you following along, I’ve been gearing up for watching the GoT I haven’t seen (the back half of season 5 and beyond) by rewatching the stuff I HAVE seen. It’s been... an experience. I’m coping with my fury by squeeing over the things I loved and foaming at the mouth over the things I hated.

The finale aired between my season 2 and 3 rewatch, and I am full of snark, but everything is also hilarious.

3x01

1. GHOST IS THE GOODEST BOY. Also everyone BE NICER TO SAM. Every time I see Kit and Rose together on screen I go, “Awww they’re gonna be married.” So happy this show brought them together.

2. Ciarán Hinds as Mande Rayder was SUCH epic good casting. I want to watch all of Rome now.

3. Davos is a salty old cat with nine lives and I was SO happy to see him alive. And then he RISKS ONE OF THEM being loyal to Stannis. That’s some Ned Stark levels of honor.

4. Michael McElhatton’s voice is so amazingly creepy I love and hate it all at the same time.

5. That first scene we get with Tyrion and Tywin is A LOT. Tyrion just wants a little bit of recognition and it’s SO SAD. (Also how did Tywin have the lions put up in his office so soon? SO EXTRA.) And wtf is up with Tywin intimating that Tyrion might be a bastard? So glad they dropped that. Who ended up Lord of Casterly Rock though? DOes AnYoNE EveN CaRE?

6. Sansa and Shae playing the game with the ships is... so cute. We overly imaginative people have all had that friend like Shae who’s like WHAT IS THE POINT OF PRETENDING.

7. Ok teenage Drogon cooking his food in midair before eating it was pretty cool.

8. Is that the Stranger on the wall of the building where Margaery talks to the orphans? In the middle of the seven pointed star? It looks CREEPY.

9. The epic Queen-off between Margaery and Cersei IS ON. (For the record Cersei’s armor dress is FANTASTIC.) Also, Jack Gleeson saying “charitable” like it’s a word in a foreign language he’s never heard before is GREAT.

10. You can see the seeds of Missandei being a fantastic diplomat for Queen Daenerys. :( Also, I wonder if Jorah knows she speaks Valyrian as he watched all of this unfold...

3x02

1. I wonder if what Talisa says about how Westerosi are viewed across the narrow sea, as barbarians who smell, is accurate. It makes sense...

2. OH SHIT THEON GETTING TORTURED IS IN THIS EPISODE I WAS NOT READY

3. Latest on a List of insults Brienne puts up with from Jaime: “giant towheaded plank.” He is such a shit. And the way he SWITCHES on a dime from so obviously baiting her to being DEAD serious with the “we don’t get to choose who we love” line... so very him.

4. Sansa and the Tyrells! Those gardens are SO incredibly pretty, and Diana Rigg is SO GOOD as Olenna. May I have half her wit when I’m her age. Getting info out of Sansa on Joffrey was SMART.

5. I love that we get a sense that there are different cultures and languages North of the Wall.

6. HOLY SHIT HI MACKENZIE CROOK I FORGOT YOU WERE IN THIS YOU ADORABLE STRING BEAN.

7. Reeeeeds! Jojen and Mira were so exciting when we first met them...

8. BROTHERHOOOOOD Without Banners SO COOL. And underused.

9. Jaime and Brienne are AT A BRIDGE and NOTHING IS OK enjoy the hand while you have it ,Jaime my love.

3x03

1. Lannister family musical chairs is SO GREAT and Tyrion and Cersei have SUCH BITCHY FACES AT EACH OTHER.

2. They tell Chuck Norris jokes about Brynden the Blackfish, don’t they.

3. Stannis: Men have been trying to kill me for years. Me: Well maybe they need to send a WOMAN TO DO IT. (yeeeeaaaaah Brienne)

4. Dany is a woman with a plan and watching Jorah and Ser Barristan freak out about her possibly giving up one of her dragons is kind of funny.

5. I had forgotten how COMMITTED Ramsay is to his “helping Theon” ruse.” Fuuuuuck.

6. Jaime losing his hand DOES NOT GET ANY EASIER TO WATCH.

3x04

1. Jaime Lannister and the No Good Very Bad Deathwish huuuurts meee. It’s so good Brienne was around.

2. Varys and the sorcerer in a box.... SO CREEPY. Do we ever get resolution on that?? Anyway it made me flat out terrified of the implacability of Varys’ revenge at the time, and Conleth Hill PLAYS IT.

3. The Sept is SO PRETTY way to go CGI folks. That whole scene is just GORGEOUS with the light framing Margaery and Joffrey and Cersei moving in and out of shadow...

4. Theon’s “all he had to do was be” re: Robb hit me RIGHT IN THE FEELS also wow show Theon was really Gay For Robb and you will not convince me otherwise. (Watching him pour his heart out to Ramsay makes me physically ill... whYyYYy am I sober...)

5. I still maintain that show Brienne is WAAAAAY meaner than book Brienne about Jaime’s “leave me alone I’m dying” phase in ways that are really out of character and I HATE IT. Also losing a HAND is not “a little bit of misfortune.” And SHE WOULD UNDERSTAND THAT.

6. Cersei being like “I’ve been listening more than your sons” to Tywin. And Tywin being an ASSHOLE in response instead of FUCKING TELLING HER HOW TO DO BETTER with Joffrey makes me so angry.

7. “If Robb Stark falls Sansa Stark is the key to the North” YOU DON’T SAY VARYS

8. I am... sadder than I remember being about Jeor Mormont dying.

9. I. Like. Anguy. What HAPPENED to him? Also Beric is... intense, but I love him. (And Thoros was IN THE KEEP the day the baby Targaryens died?)

10. And ARYA GETTING TO TELL THE TRUTH ABOUT MYCAH TO ADULTS WHO LISTEN YES GOOD.

11. Dany hands that Dragon over COOL AS A CUCUMBER WHAT A QUEEN and theN the reveal that she SPEAKS FLUENT VALYRIAN AND DRACARYS AND I THINK I LOVE HER EVEN MORE OUT OF SPITE THIS TIME

3x05

1. Sandor Clegane trying to CHOP HIS OWN WOODEN SHIELD OFF HIS ARM because it’s on fire... wow. That whole scene is IMPRESSIVE. That was a fight that was TRIGGERY AS FUCK for him with all the fire and he still came out on top.

2. This is the episode where Jon and Jaime both get baths! Jon’s was a lot more fun. He got to have sex first. Jaime’s is preceded by being like “take any more of my arm than you have to and die” to Qyburn and a lot of screaming.

3. I CAN BE YOUR FAMILY ALSHAKDHSAG I AM SO ANGRY ARYA AND GENDRY DON’T END UP IN THE SAME PLACE. IT DIDN’T HAVE TO BE SCHMOOPY IT JUST NEEDED TO BE TOGETHER.

4. Every time I see Catelyn looking empty and far away in these scenes I see the Lady Stoneheart that could have been.

5. ROBB DON’T TRY TO BE YOUR DAD LISTEN TO YOUR MOM AND WIFE AND UNCLE. UGH RICHARD’S ACTING IN THAT EXECUTION SCENE THOUGH IT HURTS ME.

6. Beric Dondarion’s voice is amazing. I’m noticing voices more this time around...

7. Shireen Baratheon! What a precious little Princess! Her friendship with Davos is the best thing ever and SHE DESERVED BETTER.

8. Jaime and Brienne in the bath is funny when Jaime’s a shit until it gets very very serious and everything hurts and both of them are better actors than this show deserved. Jaime remembering URGING AERYS TO SURRENDER PEACEFULLY MAKES WHAT HAPPENS IN THE END HURT. He... hasn’t told that story to many people in its entirety and aaaaahhhh my feelings and him telling Brienne MY NAME IS JAIME I CANNOT WITH THEM.

9. Grey Worm is so handsome, and the more I see of Jacob Anderson in the behind the scenes stuff the more awesome he gets.

10. Ugh Cersei my love don’t be so smug about Tyrion and Sansa (Also Tyrion BRINGING UP TYSHA HOLY SHIT I FORGOT) Cersei and Tyrion both look so miserable at the end of that scene I just want to FUCKING THROTTLE TYWIN. Which is how I felt in the books here so KUDOS TO ALL INVOLVED.

3x06

1. I LOVE that we get to hear the Faith of the Seven’s version of “Jesus loves me” and I love that it’s Sam who sings it.

2. Meera holding Jojen while he has his vision/seizure like she’s done it a thousand times before... so sweet. I love that taking care of those who need it is just... part of who she is, and we need more people who are caring AND badass.

3. I forgot that Arya got an archery lesson from Anguy and I love it.

4. Melisandre being like WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU RAISED BERIC SIX TIMES to Thoros is great. Who knows what any of that means now but in the moment wow. Also WTF I FORGOT THEY GAVE GENDRY TO MELISANDRE

5. Ygritte asking Jon if he’s staring at her ass while climbing is so great. Way to know how good you look, girl!

6. Everyone at Riverrun: GROW UP EDMURE.

7. Jaime Being like BRIENNE DO NOT STAB BOLTON I GOT THIS = friendship goals

8. Cersei and Tyrion talking about their impending miserable marriages and not being entirely awful to each other gives me a bit of joy even as I weep for all of them.

9. I laughed for a long time at Varys line calling the Iron Throne “The Lysa Arryn of chairs.”

10. That last shot of Jon and Ygritte kissing is SO PRETTY. Everything at the top of the wall is, really.

3x07: GET BEHIND ME WENCH DON’T YOU SEE THE BEAR

1. Oh GRRM wrote this one. Cool.

2. Brynden Tully calling Walder Frey a wet shit is delightful. I love him so.

3. Do we ever find out if Talisa was telling the truth about writing to her mother? Or any sort of mention of her again since she’s nobility in Volantis and it might be a thing that she got murdered? No?

4. TORMUND TALKING ABOUT FOREPLAY IS HYSTERICAL HE IS THE BOYFRIEND BRIENNE DESERVES

5. Protective Dragons are Protective

6. Please TAKE OUR SHIP AND OUR GOLD AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF ESSOS: the Yunkai emissary, basically.

7. Poor Gendry. What a way to find out your dad was King Robert... Melisandre has a flair for the dramatic.

8. Jaime is bad at goodbyes especially when Brienne called him Ser Jaime instead of Kingslayer.

9. Ygritte threatening to blacken Jon’s eye if he tears her hypothetical silk dress.. THIS is how you write a badass girl who also likes pretty things.

10. Jaime jumping into that ring and continuing to throw his influence around for Brienne... yes good. He’s lucky that bear didn’t get his FOOT TOO though. And that last “Sorry about the Sapphires” to Locke as he’s leaving.... he just can’t help himself he HAS TO POKE PEOPLE VERBALLY EVEN WHEN IT’S DANGEROUS.

3x08: the One with the Other Other Wedding

1. Travels with Sandor and Arya is such a good show.

2. Davos trying to read is SO CUTE. And Stannis coming to Davos for advice and free him says a lot about a Stannis’ character at this point in the show.

3. Hey! It’s the first Daario!

4. Tyrion tried so hard to be kind. I’m glad he and Sansa seem to end on good terms.

5. Cersei being like “I see how you are trying to be my friend and I want NONE OF IT” to Margaery and then telling the story of house Reyne is a power move.

6. Joffrey moving Tyrion’s step stool at the wedding was a DICK MOVE but I love the look Tywin gives people who are laughing. (And Tyrion And Sansa making the best of a bad situation and Sansa weakly smiling at him when he makes the the joke about the wine before the ceremony is sweet)

7. NOBODY CARES WHAT YOUR FATHER ONCE TOLD YOU YES CERSEI MY QUEEN 👑

8. Tyrion pretending to be drunker than he was to get him and Sansa out of that room and away from Joffrey and the bedding ceremony is SO SAD but smart.

9. Sam cooing and fussing over that baby is the sweetest thing ever.

10. SAM KILLING THAT WHITE WALKER IS LIKE NEVILLE KILLING NAGINI CHANGE MY MIND WAIT YOU CANNOT HE’S SO BRAVE AND I LOVE HIM

3x09: The Rains of MY TEARS ABOUT THE RED WEDDING

I have a RUM and coke ready to go let’s do this

1. Robb asking Catelyn’s advice after he didn’t listen toher about Theon and the Ironborn :...(

2. Those POOR FREY GIRLS are they ok? I hope Arya didn’t kill any of them since they didn’t ask to be Walder the Worst’s daughters and granddaughters.

3. Grey Worm stepping into a leadership role ❤️

4. So... was Castle Black abandoned at the END of Jahaerys’ reign? I feel like the castles were mostly manned at the beginning of his reign? Gotta check on that.

5. In which Jon and Arya are both concerned about innocent small folk.

6. I FORGOT HOW CLOSE ARYA GETS TO THE TWINS

7. I ALSO FORGOT HOW CLOSE BRAN AND RICKON GOT TO JON. And... So much warging and direwolf action!

8. Daario Grey Worm And Jorah make a badass team gotta say.

9. HOLY SHIT MY WIFE JUST POINTED OUT THAT ROSLIN IS ANNE FROM THE MUSKETEERS. I knew I loved that face in a way I hadn’t before when she took off that veil!

10. Byyyyyyeeee Shaggy and Rickon and Osha!

11. Robb and Talisa decided to name the baby Eddard right before shit went down and I am NOT OK.

12. Fuck me that song HERE WE GO FOLKS.

13. Ugh Catelyn figured out what was about to happen right before. I had forgotten that. All the things that weren’t ok any of the other times are still not ok.

14. GREYWIND NO and now the crying

15. Catelyn with her knife to that Frey girl’s throat is so desperately sad Michelle Fairley BROUGHT IT and I hate everything

3x10: Of Course I’m watching this right after the Red Wedding what do you suggest I do instead? Sit on the couch and cry? (Because that’s definitely what I was gonna do if I didn’t start the next one.)

1. I never noticed Sandor picking up the FREY banner very intentionally smart man. Which I am choosing to focus on because...

2. if I never see Robb’s body with Greywind’s head again it will be too soon.

3. Tyrion and Sansa talking about how to get back at people who laugh at them like they’re friends ❤️❤️❤️

4. Any man who must say I am the king is no true king TELL IT LIKE IT IS TYWIN.

5. Tywin: 1 Joffrey: -15 I’ve been waiting for that throwdown for a while now.

6. Tywin really believes what he’s saying about putting family first. And that STORY ABOUT NEARLY DROWNING TYRION OMG.

7. Ugh Sansa knooooows about the RW and Tyrion just walks away because he’s the last “family” she wants to see.

8. Scary stories at the Night Fort! Like the Rat King... Bran’s a good ghost story teller.

9. WHAT A TRANSITION TO WALDER FREY after all that talk of guest right

10. Can’t wait for dogs to eat Ramsay because Theon’s pleas to be killed turns my stomach and make me see red all at once LEAVE HIM ALONE YOU BASTARD

11. Oh jeez this is where we get the Reek thing in the show. Theon says his own name twice before Ramsay hurts him enough he calls himself Reek and Alfie is SO GOOD I HATE IT

12. Oh right Sam & Co are in the Nightfort too!

13. Yarra not being ok with Balon abandoning Theon GIVES ME LIFE. She’s just so disgusted with her dad AS SHE SHOULD BE.

14. Greyjoys DO NOT DO AS THEY ARE TOLD and I love Yarra.

15. Don’t talk too much shit about highborns Gendry You’re gonna be one.

16. Varys and Shae talking is SO INTERESTING. I... think Varys has some points, and I think she should have listened, taken the diamonds, and peaced out of King’s Landing.

17. That Cersei and Tyrion scene where they talk about her children keeping her alive HURTS MY SOUL SO MUCH.

18. Arya stabbing the fuck out of that Frey bragging about sewing Greywind’s head on gives me SO MUCH SATISFACTION. Also Sandor being like “TELL ME next time we’re gonna do murder, ok kid?” Is THE BEST.

19. I love that Davos is the one we get to see reading the letter Maester Aemon writes.

20. DAVOS MAKES A CHOICE AND IT’S THE RIGHT ONE. Do you know how to swim?? No. ... Don’t fall out. 😂

21. Jaime is hoooooome in King’s Lannister and I have Lannister feels spilling ALL OVER THE PLACE.

22. Oh right and Dany has a whole bunch of people calling her mom in whatever variety of Valyrian they speak in Yunkai. That was a thing.

#summersea has feels about got #summersea got rewatch 2019

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