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#ch: we choose who we really are
soloorganaas · 1 year
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Sirius, bipolar disorder and 1981
I’ve held the headcanon for a while that Sirius being bipolar was a fundamental part of his breakdown in 1981, that led to him believing Remus was the spy and failing to prevent Lily and James’s deaths, as well as ultimately being the reason Remus was persuaded that Sirius (not entirely consciously) betrayed James and committed mass-murder. so I’ve laid out all my thoughts about this below
Sirius’s breakdown leading up to Oct 31, 1981
bipolar episodes of mania/depression are not responses to external events in the same way regular depression or anxiety are. they will inevitably happen at some point however stable your life is. however, a traumatic event can sometimes trigger a period of mania/depression that spirals beyond the actual event itself
there is no doubt that Sirius was experiencing compound trauma by 1981. there isn’t any specific canon as to when he became involved in the Order, but we know by this point he was deep in the fight and presumably had been for around a year or more. he was living with the constant, extreme stress of being in potentially fatal missions, as well as the risk of losing his loved ones who were doing the same
Sirius’s friendship with James and the impact the danger he faced had on Sirius during this period is fundamental to his breakdown. James was central to his conception of safety and stability. he rescued him emotionally and later physically from his abusive home, and gave him a new loving one. without James, Sirius doesn’t have a home - and therefore the world simply doesn’t make sense. there’s no doubt Sirius would have been living in absolute terror of having his world quite literally torn apart. this would have been magnified tenfold when the specific threat to Harry and therefore James and Lily became apparent, and Sirius had to watch as a war against a fascist terror group became a defense of his best friend’s family being hunted by an unimaginably powerful dark wizard
part of bipolar disorder is the subconscious knowledge that you will at some point crash. there is a sense of inevitability of your world falling apart, like constantly living in a movie waiting for the third act tragedy. for Sirius, watching his world quite literally fall apart, this would undoubtedly have triggered that underlying fear. he is expecting the worst, knowing that it’s going to happen, because it always has
Sirius believing Remus was the spy
Sirius’s struggle with bipolar disorder would lead to his seemingly irrational suspicion of Remus for two main reasons
first is that the chronic instability and tendency toward self-destruction that Sirius experiences as a part of bd is inseparable from his relationship with Remus. breaking up in the heat of manic or depressive episodes is a common bipolar symptom. Remus with his own trauma and mental health issues would never be capable of creating enough stability for the both of them as their relationship formed, and adding into that the struggles of being a gay man in the 70s/80s, they never developed a strong foundation as teens
so the second point is how putting this under the pressure cooker of war doomed them from the outset. without external support or stability, Sirius was always going to spiral down, and Remus would always be unable to cope. by 1981 Sirius is overwhelmed with fear over losing James and utterly unable to think rationally. he’s being pushed to the brink on Order missions. he’s convinced his the world is going to crash down around him. he’s lashing out at the people closest to him and destroying things just for the misguided feeling of control. Remus is watching this happen but is also swept up in his own chronic terror and mental instability, and is utterly unable to understand what Sirius is doing or going through, let alone try and stop it. they are both crashing down around each other, with the very fear they have of losing each other tearing them further apart
at some point I think Sirius simply convinces himself its Remus - because he’s the one hurting him so much with his own part in destroying their relationship, because if anyone is going to tear his world to pieces it would be the one he’s most vulnerable to, because if you want to bring about the destruction by yourself of course you’d pick the person you can hurt the most, because the world is stealing everything from him so of course it would still the one beautiful, tender, miraculous thing he has
Remus being persuaded Sirius betrayed James and Lily
I’m writing ‘persuaded’ deliberately, because there is no way that Remus would instantly believe Sirius could betray James or even murder Peter and a crowd of muggles. they had been friends for over ten years, living in each other’s pockets and they knew each other inside and out. they had built incredibly deep and meaningful bonds as a group. Remus would struggle to believe that Sirius could kill Peter, but he may in the end come to accept it. but he could never, ever have watched Sirius and James for ten years and believe he would consciously betray him
instead, I think Remus came to believe through the persuasion of others (Dumbledore specifically, particularly if you go with the idea he had an interest in keeping Sirius in Azkaban) that Sirius had a breakdown and acted with such reckless self-destruction he inadvertently brought about James and Lily’s deaths. Remus had been dragged down in Sirius’s spiral for a year or longer; if they were by that point together, he would have seen Sirius at his most vulnerable and raw, and understood better than anyone his capacity for manic, irrational self-destruction. he’d seen Sirius do similar things the entire time he’d known him - the prank, for example, which easily fits into a similar theme. Remus knows Sirius is capable of this, he knows he was truly out of his mind with fear
and I think that’s where the anger comes from (aside from fury over him murdering Peter and other innocent people) - that Sirius had spent so long causing harm and never ever learned, that he’d refused to confront his own demons and take responsibility for his destructive tendencies, and in the end it had torn their worlds apart. the fire that had made him so passionate, so full of life, so brave, so loving and so devoted had also made him uncontrollably deadly - it’s not hard to imagine that when Remus more than anyone experienced one side so intensely, he could imagine what the other could lead to
I, personally, don’t think even in a manic state Sirius would ever come close to betraying James. but I think that for Remus, a terrified, traumatised 21 year old who’d lost both his parents and his best friends, had spent three years caught up in a war between two sides that both wanted him dead, and had watched his relationship with the love of his life break down in front of him, it’s a realistic conclusion to come to
Conclusion
mental health issues are intrinsically wound up with Sirius’s story and the tragedies he experiences. i think it’s a disservice to his character to overlook them, especially when fic takes only a shallow look at the sadder, messier parts of his life because it has a tendency towards simply trauma porn. bipolar disorder is my particular headcanon, and I’ve detailed a strong argument for it, but there are plenty of other valid interpretations as well. whichever way Sirius is written, though, at least complying somewhat with canon, the impact of mental health on the complexity of his character and story can’t be overlooked
the other side of the coin to this tragedy is the beauty of Sirius’s escape, formation of his relationship with Harry, and his reunion and reconciliation with Remus. Sirius’s fiery mania is turned into a positive, enabling the incredible feats of breaking out of Azkaban, and living on the rough for two years whilst evading the Ministry’s hunt. it also of course sees older, wiser versions of Sirius and Remus who can look their own and each other’s demons in the eye, face up to them with honesty and courage, and build the relationship they should have had all along. 
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beaulesbian · 1 month
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🌘☀️ Some thoughts on Zoro & Luffy and their connection to gods and demons☀️🌒
This post started at first with just a few points about Zoro in the context to Asura/ King of Hell but since then it somehow evolved into connecting bits and pieces between Zoro & Luffy parallels again, I just can't help it, sooo...long post ahead.
Wano + Egghead spoilers
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I always love remembering this one of the very first scenes where we (and Luffy) first hear about Zoro, and in the context of Zoro being a Pirate Hunter, even described as a demonic beast or as Koby says "demon in human form." None of this discouraged Luffy upon hearing this, on the contrary - he thought that if he sees for himself if Zoro was a good guy, he would be a great addition to his crew, and then went out of his way to seek him out! And only later we got the explanation that Zoro just couldn't find his way back home. "Roaming the seas" meant surviving for him, bounty hunter meant getting by in life with the skills he knew the best - swords, which is kind of sad when you think about it, but all the more interesting that it was Luffy who found him in Shells town,
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where Zoro, a nonbeliever of any gods of higher power, was bound to a cross, and the first thing Luffy pointed out was "he's smiling".
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I like to think that the smile might have been one of the first signs important enough for Luffy to choose someone for his crew - not only the kindness that followed when Luffy saw Zoro eating the dirty rice ball, but the smile that's by itself also very connected to Luffy himself:
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After that first fight they won together, already reading each other so well, Zoro was the first one to call Luffy his captain (and later at Baratie also the first one to call him the future Pirate King!). He was someone who already fully believed in Luffy's future of reaching his dream without questioning it, perphaps because their drive towards their goals and dreams was very similar. And Luffy was the one who freed Zoro and let him have his swords - his biggest treasures - and gave him back the possibility to go into the world to actually follow his dream!
"One day, he'll show up and take you out under the sun, to the freedom of the sea!" - ch. 1095, Buccaneers about Sun God Nika (flashback with Kuma)
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Fast forward to Wano - it's incredible how entangled their stories are with belief in always striving to do better/be stronger/try again next time for Luffy, someone who doesn't care what others think - he just needs to do what he wants and to be free - only for him to awaken his Devil Fruit and his God Nika powers; and for Zoro (a non-believer/apatheist) with how determined he was to successfully wield Enma so he could defeat King the Wildfire even to the lengths of becoming the King of Hell if that was what needed to be done to get Luffy one more step towards being the Pirate King.
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Which brings me back to Demon Asura Zoro and where we saw this form throughout the manga:
This whole post started at first as a parallel to my other post about Zoro not really being shown to react to Luffy's Gear 5 (yet, as of chapter 1109), and I kept thinking about Zoro's Asura technique and how he used it so far only three (!!!) times, and there weren't many reactions from the strawhat crew either.
First one was during the Enies Lobby against Kaku, who even calls that vision 'demon-god' (ch. 417). If I remember Zoro was there by himself with Kaku, his crew each fighting other opponents elswhere:
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The second time was during their first visit to Sabaody Archipelago, ch. 510, where it was the whole crew against the Pacifistas. The only bigger reactions were Brook and Chopper ("So many Zoros!!" - how cute!)
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Luffy went right after Zoro with his last attack against the Pacifistas, so he's either seen Zoro's attack or it just wasn't the time or place to react, which, fair.
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and then, third and last time so far Zoro went into his Asura form, it was up against Kaido, ch. 1010, when Luffy was out of it and Kaido was threatening how he would end Luffy in various ways.. which only angered Zoro more ("That's my captain!" - yeah, tell him, Zoro!)
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All of these three times we've seen Asura, it was against few of the most dangerous opponents and all three times Zoro had his bandana on, being serious about it. All three of these times he knew his whole crew was fighting for their lives too and were in very real danger. Enies Lobby really changed the tone of the next few arcs with how serious things were about to go; Sabaody was just after Thriller Bark with Zoro being still injured and he knew what Kuma/Pacifistas were capable of - there was real fear and despair. And of course, on Wano against Kaido,. he saw how much damage Luffy took, Zoro could only hope to put more wounds on Kaido to count in their favor.
Zoro knew he had one last attack to try and make some difference in this fight - and this was before his fight with King, so he wasn't fully in sync with Enma yet, but it was good enough to unlock Asura technique - with something more to it.
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Apparently along with his haki - not just the armament or observation haki, but the supreme king haki, as Kaido himself is shocked to find out. Zoro wasn't even consciously aware of having/using this haki.
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Even the wiki mentions this as Zoro adding the supreme king haki to his Asura attack to strenghten it, or possibly was only able to unlock this technique because of having supreme king haki - meaning he was possibly using it even in both of those pre-time skip situations mentioned above.
The supreme king haki is something people can't learn, but are born with, meaning Zoro probably didn't know until Wano (and still wasn't sure what he did), but possibly learnt to use it instinctively - very much like Luffy on Amazon Lily.)
I already made a post that touched a bit on King of hell Zoro, and other parts around Asura (clearly, i'm never done thinking about that), with a very big possibility/hints that he could come from lineage of people of the D. (asura - enemies of gods - people of D.) - especially if it's connected to supreme king haki as inherited ability (although that isn't confirmed in the manga, as far as I understood).
This brings me to Zoro's family, and specifically Ryuma.
Wano was a great arc that connected things from Thriller Bark -with Zoro returning the legendary sword Shusui back to Ryuma's grave where it belonged.
There was an interesting panel at the end of Wano, where people were celebrating Luffy's victory over Kaido, but were given the name Joyboy as their savior - possibly Momonosuke's doing as Luffy told him not to mention him by name because Luffy didn't want to be a hero.
And in this panel, the peple are comparing this feat of victory to the legendary "God of the Blade" - which is another title for Ryuma.
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It's so curious how Zoro is connected to Ryuma, even through span of many centuries and countries across, but still there is that connection, on top of actually fighting Ryuma's zombie on Thriller Bark, and Zoro isn't even aware of it. We only know about it from the SBS corner of Oda mentioning Zoro's family. (SBS corner in vol. 105. Ryuma wasn't mentioned there precisely, but the name Shimotsuki being of Zoro's grandmother and others from Wano, it makes sense they're Ryuma's descendants):
Side note: There's also something really beautiful of how the Shimotsuki line was passed down on Zoro from his grandmother - and his promise he cherishes since childhood being tied to Kuina, someone who wanted to be the greatest swords(wo)man - and therefore Zoro carrying Wado and that dream and promise for her.
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Zoro & Luffy
Now to tie it all back to parallels with Zoro and Luffy - I love that there are always these small moment in how similar these two are - in their honest words and actions, in them believing in one another and believing even more in reaching their dreams, their crew and their strengths. In both being so directionally clueless and sometimes outright stupid, yet in certain situations (more so in battles and fights), they are the ones sometimes smartest and most strategic.
Then there's these other similarities between them: how much they don't care about what's told about them or -be it by luck or fate- how things work out in their favor in the end, usually. How both of them don't wish to be heroes, because heroes had to share (food and sake).
How there's that fact that Zoro doesn't know the full context of his powers, especially with his supreme king haki- or that he doesn't want to know the truth or put a name to that ability, because he fights with his swords and doesn't need to put belief of any other powers beside his own strength. (Or maybe he will soon learn how to use it to his (and his crew's) benefit.)
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and Luffy, who doesn't know probably anything about Nika- and most likely wouldn't care much about them beside the scope of his new powers. The whole meaning of being something like "sun god" for others didn't register with him yet, and it might never be that important to him personally. Time after time, people around him mention luck or fate, or how people of the D. are the enemies of the Gods - enemies of the celestial dragons, but those don't really matter to Luffy because it doesn't change why he fights and why he needs himself and others to be free and achieve his dream.
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How Zoro and Ryuma could be parallels to Luffy and Joyboy - one living in the present, reminiscent of those that lived centuries ago - something about the history always repeating.
When Zoro got to fight Ryuma on Thriller Bark, or even Hyogoro compares him to Shimotsuki Ushimaru (Zoro's great uncle),
and how Zunesha was waiting for Joyboy, how Roger and Oden found messages from Joyboy of his promises to return.
The parallels between sun god Nika and demon god/king Asura are so interesting in their opposites yet similarities. There's still so much we don't know about Nika or Joyboy, but Luffy himself isn't just the perfect picture of responsibility or justice. He's free, and that's the most important for him. He now has the power to do what he really wants to do with his powers, he unlocked that new potential to make it even more fun and even more dangerous against his enemies.
Even if Zoro's saying he doesn't believe in higher powers he embraces the powers that unlocked with Enma and getting him the title of King of Hell, he knows it would be the things that would keep him fighting for another minute, hour, day when it becomes necessary to protect Luffy and their crew.
Zoro may not believe in any gods but he believes in Luffy with all his being.
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And in the similar vein, Luffy is the one who always believed in Zoro's strength and capability to protect the rest of their crew when it was necessary, times after time.
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It's feels like it's not at all a coincidence that Luffy's whole crew is full of otherness and beings connected to hell/monsters/demons more than anything divine - because lot of the gods in One Piece are mentioned in context of standing above others and above common people - it's a bit flipped of what's good or not, or even more it's never clear because that's life, and those people are just claiming some titles. Eneru being the first example of a "god" the Straw Hats encountered, celestial dragons being called Gods, the Gorosei having each titles of "Godhead" - it's no wonder that Luffy's crew all fights for freedom and reaching whatever each of them needs to achive as their dream,
and includes: a dead man but living skeleton Brook; a demon child Nico Robin; Chopper "I don't mind being a monster for Luffy.'"; Sanji with all his hell fire and "diable" kicks and attacks, along with his non human strength and other abilities; Nami wielding the powers similar to Eneru without the need of both Devil Fruit or being called a goddess, and bringing down lightning on anyone who threatens her crew; Usopp and his powers of nature and plants sprouting new life and strengths from long distance; Jimbei - fishman and former Sun Pirate and also "First son of the Sea"; Franky the more cyborg than a man; and of course, Roronoa "I might as well become the King of Hell" Zoro.
It's not all so black and white, good or bad. Luffy is still everything that makes him Luffy - he's honest and selfish in his selflesness, kind and brave and stubborn, and always knows that Zoro (and his whole crew) has his back so he doesn't have to hold back.
And Zoro is still Zoro despite being able to wield some newer haki powers he's slowly discovering now. He's still getting lost and still is his stubborn self that puts the crew and Luffy above himself, and would follow Luffy into hell if that was needed.
Luffy and Zoro are "just" captain and his first mate, always throughout the story since the beginning. Orphans with such interestingly woven past and relationships around them, who grew up with a big dream they had to go and achieve it no matter what, and found someone just as honest, kind, powerful and trustworthy as they were. But there's that deep and fierce devotion that always borderlines on something beyond just good. They're pirates - because that means being free.
They can be chaotic and powerful, and find something divine in the loyalty of the demonic powers, and something hellish in the god-like entity bringing freedom.
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It feels like something Roger said to Rayleigh when they first met - That it was a fated meeting.
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agroteraa · 3 months
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The Wrath of the Stag
Chapter two (the finale)
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Oliver Quick x f!Reader
My fic masterlist
Part 3.2.
Part 1: Actaeon
Part 2: Artemis
Part 3.1: The Wrath of the Stag (ch.1)
Warnings: smut, dubcon, fingering, choking, penetration sex, mentions of drugs, almost?onesided!Felix, dark!Oliver, character death, angst.
Word Count: 4K
So, you and Felix had reached the labyrinth.
Lush and blooming in daylight, it seemed hazy and darksome at night. But still, it was the same maze in which you used to love playing hide-and-seek and catch-up with Felix. You could never catch up with him, no matter how much you wanted to, which made you childishly angry, and he laughed and teased you all the time. Now it seemed somewhat symbolic to you.
"So, what did you want, can you finally say, please?" he wondered with a smile. He was already drunk enough, too, but you started sobering up a little from this long walk.
"You were right. Oliver can be weird. I thought we would talk, but he brushed me off and started dancing with one girl, then another... and then he and Venetia..."
You couldn't hold back your tears. Felix hugged you, comforting you. His warm embrace protected you from the cool air and sense of desperation. It seems as if he was covering you not only with safe arms, but also with his angelic wings.
"Hush, sweetie, hush," he said, quietly asking after a while, "...is it getting better?"
You nodded, looking up at him with tear-stained eyes.
Felix smiled slightly, gently wiping the tears from your cheek. Raising his eyebrows, he looked at you expressively, there was a pause in the air. Felix bent down and reached for your lips. You started answering without fully understanding what you were doing. All this alcohol, torn feelings, Oliver's behavior and, of course, the unrequited love for Felix buried deep inside you for several years, made you try to experience this feeling at least once. You enjoyed his warm, soft lips, hugging his shoulders, until it completely dawned on you. No, you couldn’t do that. Feelings for Felix were long in the past, and Oliver was in the present. The situation might be terrible and confusing, but at least you need to talk, and only then make such decisions as how to respond to someone's feelings or not. Especially since your feelings and thoughts now actually belonged to Oliver.
You gently pushed the guy away from you, "I'm sorry, Felix. I can't do that."
"Why not?"
"I'm... thinking about Oliver now."
"What?" he couldn't believe his ears, "Are you really ready to forgive this freak, even after everything I've told you?"
"We should at least listen to his side... and besides, I have... feelings for him," you finally admitted.
"Y/N, what should we listen to? He's a liar and a creep, that's all! What feelings? Oh, don't make me upset, please. I wouldn't want you to choose anyone over me, but if it's Oliver, then it's some kind of insult even!"
He grimaced, and you got angry, "Well, then don't be offended and better choose your own friends next time. Or, as your sister says, "toys"! But it's not for you to tell me who I should or shouldn't be with!"
"Fine. Have fun then! But I assure you, Oliver is unlikely to stay here for long..." Felix threw up his arms, and in a fit of anger turned around and left the maze.
* * *
Not far from the house, he plopped down on a bench, where Farleigh approached him with some two girls. Felix moodily lit a cigarette.
"Hey, buddy, what’s with the face?"
Catton Jr. said nothing and only frowned more, rolling the cig in his lips. Farleigh gave him a drink from his bottle, and then, turning around, quietly suggested, "Coke?"
* * *
You were wiping away the remnants of tears, leaning on the statue of the Minotaur and inhaling the sobering cool air. Looking up, you met the gaze of a horned monster. Despite the intimidating appearance, his eyes were plaintive, like a gentle cow's. You always paid attention to this detail, ever since you had noticed it once as a child, it helped you stop being afraid of the statue when you were running with Felix and Venetia in the maze. Any thing or person, if you look at them closer, does not seem as intimidating as at first glance. Perhaps even worthy of pity.
A familiar horned silhouette appeared in the maze.
"Oliver? How did you..."
"How did you like the party, Y/N? It seems that you completely abandoned your birthday boy tonight," he was slowly approaching you from the darkness. Up close, Oliver looked even more amazing in this suit. You involuntarily looked him up and down, lingering with your gaze on the naked torso peeking out from under the jacket, on which again hung only one chain reflecting the light of the moon. His summer-tanned skin contrasted so well with the glaringly white suit. The pebbles creaked softly under his feet as he came up to you and gently stroked your neck. Your skin covered with goosebumps. You swallowed, pushing those thoughts aside.
"Are you kidding me now? I didn't leave you for the whole evening. And it wasn't me dancing with some random girls and Venetia."
"Oh yeah? But it wasn't me who kissed one of the Cattons this evening!" his fingers closed palpably around your throat.
"Oliver... what are you doing..." he let the grip, and you continued, "Are you crazy? Why the hell were you following us? You're really doing this, gods… Just like Felix said... "
"Said what?"
"That you were watching Venetia and me and that you... did obscene things and told him that you... liked both of us."
He narrowed his eyes, "What else did Felix tell you today?"
You frowned, "That's all," he continued to look at you silently, "That’s enough for me, isn’t it for you?"
He pinned you at the pedestal of the monument, enclosing you between his strong arms. He looked at you with unblinking, darkening eyes and asked, "So, why the hell did you kiss Felix Catton?"
"He kissed me! I've been wanting to talk to you all evening, and you brushed me off... and then you started dancing with some girl.… And then with Venetia… And that's after everything Felix told me.… He tried to comfort me, but I... refused him. I wanted to talk to you first," hot tears rolled down your cheeks again. His face seemed to soften a little.
"First of all," Oliver said, "calm down, my dear. Secondly, you don't know anything. Thirdly," he runs his thumb over your left cheek, wiping away tears," This is still not a reason to kiss someone else. I'll explain everything clearly to you now."
Without warning, he got under the hem of your dress and inserted one finger into you. You exhaled sharply.
"About the window case... yes. I was looking at you, just at you, unable to look away. I will not apologize for this, although it is a pity that Felix and, in the end, you misunderstood me because of him. But these are his problems. Are you going to be mad at me for not being able to resist your beauty? Don't be silly, Y/N. Did you see yourself lying in a swimsuit under the hot summer sun? I did. I'll tell you, it's a sight that you can't handle yourself. Or rather, it was only my hand that could somehow handle it."
He added a second finger and slightly accelerated the pace.
"What about the party… I was in a bad mood, I needed to talk to Felix and explain about this situation so that he wouldn't upset you, but I couldn't find him anywhere. So, I asked his friend first, and then his sister. The fact that they were both drunk, high and desperate for any male attention is not my problem either. I don't know what you’ve imagined..."
The pace of his fingers became ruthless, Oliver also added a third finger, and it almost caused you real pain from the suddenness of everything that was happening. Another tear involuntarily rolled down your cheek.
"...but I've been hoping all evening that after talking to Felix that I'll finally get, as you said, my main gift..."
He licked your hot tear off your face with his even hotter tongue.
"You."
You almost came from a mixture of fear, excitement and arousal.
"I saw you walk past me, holding his hand and not saying a word to me. Of course, I followed you, especially since I needed to talk to him. And what do I see? How he. Kisses. My. Girlfriend."
It was the first time he had said "girlfriend". In a different environment, you'd been absolutely happy, but now a feeling of unknown anxiety had been added to this feeling. Oliver himself would prefer announcing it in different circumstances, but there we go. He pulled out your fingers, which glistened in the dark. You were panting a little. He ran his digits lightly over his lower lip.
"Tell me, is my name Felix Catton?"
You were silent. He couldn't be serious, could he?.. But Oliver leaned over to you and almost whispered his question into your lips, "Is. My. Name. Felix. Catton?"
"No..."
"So, what is my name?" he asked, staring intently into your eyes so that you wanted to sink through the ground. His hands squeezed your forearms painfully enough.
"O-Oliver..." you answered almost soundlessly.
"I can't hear you, Y/N. Say it a little bit louder, please."
You were silent, shaking slightly. It was like the air has left your lungs. Oliver sighed.
He took you by the hips and pulled you to him, turning you over with your chest and stomach on the pedestal of the monument, your front parts of your body were not used to the cold of the stone and immediately became covered with goosebumps, just like your palms and elbows, which you had to lean on now. He bent you and spread your legs wide apart, lifting the hem of your dress.
"You have a very beautiful outfit today, darling. I'm sorry I was out of sorts and didn't say it sooner – you look amazing tonight. Of course, I noticed it right away," you heard the sound of a belt slowly unbuckling, and then the sound of a fabric coming down, "So, who is this? Helena? Or Hermia? Oh, it must be Hermia, isn’t it? How ironic. I hope in this version of the story she won't have to choose between Lysander and Demetrius?"
Oliver, holding your hips, bent down and left a few kisses on your neck, going down to your shoulder blades.
"She won't have to."
With those words, he entered you, abruptly and without warning. You exhaled in a little shock. Oliver entered and fill you up completely at once and, almost without giving you time to get used to it, began unhurried, but nevertheless impatient movements with his hips. You started to sigh and whine, feeling yourself getting wetter by the second. He smiled, feeling it, "I didn't expect anything else. So, tell me, dear, what's my name? Only louder this time."
You let out a moan in response, and Oliver picked up the pace, "I'm going to bang those words out of you."
Your eyes were watering, but he watched the way you were twisting and panting. You liked this. He could see it in your face, which was slightly tilted to the side, could feel it within his core. He continued thrusting, his hips meeting your ass with each movement. He reached up, wrapping a hand around your neck and pulling you closer, the sensation restricting your breathing ever-so-slightly turned you on even more.
"So... what's my name?"
"Oli...ver..." you moaned, stumbling because of his strong grip and the rhythm he had set.
He practically went in and out of you completely with every move, the stone of the pedestal seemed to melt under you. The feeling of a little fear and anxiety completely turned into a pleasure that overshadowed everything else. Oliver took his hand off your throat and moved it to your hair, burrowing into it slightly.
"Oliver… Oliver!" you said louder, breathing heavily, the words turning into moans again.
"Good girl, that's exactly my name. And all the other names, and even more so lips, hands, and so on, you must forget. This is my wish for my birthday."
You looked back and your eyes finally met. His eyes were completely dark with lust, and his lips crooked into a satisfied smile when he caught your gaze. He was horned and you were incredibly horny. Heck, he was horny too, of course, not to say more.
You gasped every time as he was pushing inside you. You were so fucking tight, still so tight, you were need to be fucked more like that sometimes, he kept thinking to himself as he gritted his teeth, feeling your body pulsating around him.
"Fuck, girl, making such a mess over me," he groaned. His head fell back and his grip on you was tightening.
The moon casted a shadow of the two of you on the ground. Oliver's horned silhouette was crashing into you, and a horned monster was looking at it all from above. You were close to the end.
You were mewling, bucking your hips, wanting to take him deeper, the tip of his cock brushing against your most pleasurable spot with every thrust. He drove into you harder, holding you tighter, clenching his jaw. His pace was absolutely merciless and was already just abruptly knocking the air out of you instead of any screams.
"Oliver!.." you came around his cock, and a minute later he followed you, piling on top of you. He was breathing heavily, and then he kissed you on the shoulder, then on the neck, after that he turned you over and sat you on the pedestal of the statue, straightening your dress.
Buttoning up his white pants, he knelt down, gently wrapping his arms around your leg, kissing your knee and looking deep into your eyes. The feel of his warm fingertips against the slightly cold skin on your calf gave your chills. Then he took your hand, kissed it and pressed his face against it. Closing his eyes, he began to rub his cheek against your hand, burrowing his face into your palm. It was an act of adoration after the act of forcibly asserting his authority.
He was again just a mere stag by his Artemis’s side.
You stroked his dark soft hair, and then you began to grope his antlers. Sharp and hard, now you were stroking them securely, although it seemed that a moment earlier Oliver could stab someone with them out of rage. Maybe even you. Any thing or person, if you look at them closer, does not seem as intimidating as at first glance. Yet maybe not quite any.
He rose from his knees to the level of your face, and leaning on his hands next to your hands, he asked softly and hoarsely, "Are you mine, Y/N?"
His piercingly blue eyes were glowing in the dark along with his suit, which seemed almost luminescent white in the night.
"Yes, Oliver, I am yours," you replied, sealing your promise with a kiss.
* * *
You walked silently back to the house, out of the maze, through the garden, past the pond. The small pebbles crunched under your feet. The fresh air, all these wild experiences and emotions today and their passionate resolution made your legs feel wobblier with every step, and your eyes began to feel weary.
Upon entering the hall where the party was going on, you were greeted by loud music again:
One, two, three, four
Let me hear you scream if you want some more
Like ah, push it, push it
Watch me work it
I'm perfect
Oliver kissed you on the stairs. Few people paid attention, but he knew that Felix would most likely notice if he was here. And he was here, and he noticed. You turned around and saw that Felix was already dancing with some girl and was clearly having a good time with her. You were upset. It didn't last long, you thought bitterly. Even though he probably had a lot to drink, it was no excuse to forget his intentions so quickly. But you didn't know that he had been high for a long time on top of everything else.
"Can you get me something to drink?" you moaned.
"Baby, haven't you had enough for today?" Oliver began mockingly, and then, seeing your frown, added, "The wishes of the birthday boy’s girlfriend are the law," and left for cocktails.
That's right, I'm a superstar
Everybody wanna come up when I'm at the bar
All the people wanna try
It's like, give me some more
Try a little harder, honey
Give me some more
You were looking at Felix and the girl in the fairy costume again. He could not take his hands off her, then bent down and began to whisper something to her, or maybe not only whisper, which made her giggle.
Perfection… ha-ha!
The female singer's voice seemed to mockingly comment on the situation.
Your heart has almost broken once again this night. When you saw a drink nearby on a nearby table, you knocked it over without looking at the contents. Damn, it seemed like it was something very strong. Oliver returned with two cocktails, blocking you in every sense from this view. Smiling, you downed another cocktail in almost one sitting. Your head began to spin pleasantly again, pushing out unnecessary thoughts. You and Oliver danced a little. How fabulous he was in that outfit, your birthday boy. The music seemed to disappear for a while when you enjoyed this moment of dancing, without taking your eyes off each other.
Then, the music almost abruptly hit you with a throbbing headache and a heaviness in your eyelids and legs. It seems that fatigue and a sense of stress have returned, multiplied by repeated alcohol intoxication. Oliver led you through the entire crowd and all the rooms, almost every one of which had its own mini-party, until you found yourself on your floor. He carefully helped you undress and put you to bed. Your body ached pleasantly, feeling the soft mattress underneath and the duvet above.
"Good night, Ollie."
"Good night, Y/N," he said softly, "And... Sorry for everything."
"We sort of settled everything," you assured him, being sure that he was only talking about the events of the evening, and not about anything else, "Everything will be fine."
"Everything will be fine, that is for sure."
* * *
Oliver returned to the hall, a bottle of wine in his hand. Felix never let talk to him, literally sent him away, and Quick wanted to give him another chance. Or maybe he didn't want to anymore after Felix laid his eyes and not only the eyes on Y/N.
Catton Jr. danced merrily with his fairy, and then at some point took her by the hand and led her across the hall, outside. Oliver watched all this closely, gloomily drinking from a bottle, leaning against the wall.
Felix's clouded mind told him to finish the job, his regrets almost completely blocked by drugs, alcohol and the desire to lick his wounded ego. Therefore, his almost mindless brain led him down the road that he already knew well. Into the maze.
Oliver followed, his wrath building with each slow but firm step as he was running through all the events that had happened. Going to his parents without warning, ignoring his requests and pleas to stop, turn around, or at least not go with him. The discovery of the truth, the way Felix pushed him away, calling him a fucking liar, yet he had nosed into Oliver's life himself. The way fear and contempt were read in his eyes, mixed with an inner struggle whether to tell it all to everyone or not. To tell it to Y/N or not. The way he started turning Y/N against him. The way he started hitting on Y/N, especially now, knowing it all. And how he immediately traded you for some random girl. And all this was on the date of his birthday celebration.
No, there won't be a second chance, Oliver thought to himself as he poured a huge dose of the drug into the bottle.
It was tempting to say that Felix flew too close to the sun, but he was actually the sun himself. So dazzlingly bright and inviting. It was all the others who were too close to him in the rays of his destructive splendor and the hopes of living the same incredible life as his that endlessly flew up and burned. Besides, it was the middle of the night in Saltburn, so the allegory would be completely missed. However, in addition to those infamous wings, Daedalus created something else - the labyrinth of Knossos, where the Minotaur dwelled and suggested a horror, devouring beautiful young men.
Which meant that Icarus was destined to die anyway from the creation of Daedalus.
The dark antlered silhouette followed the winged youth with the confidence of a predator.
By stepping into this labyrinth, carefree Icarus himself signed the verdict of his fate.
* * *
It still seemed to you that all this was a terrible foggy ill dream from which you still could not wake up from. The scream that Felix had been found with was still ringing in your ears sometimes.
It had been a few days now, and you still couldn't believe that he was gone. No matter what, he was an angel. Childishly selfish, but still generous, open-hearted and always ready to help and support. You remembered his costume at the party and smiled bitterly. Really an angel. And even more so now.
You were so regretful that you didn't speak to him again that night. Were so sorry that you went to bed early and didn't see much. That you never knew that Felix and Farleigh were taking some drugs that night, to the point it was too much and too late, and Farleigh was anyhow to blame for it and he couldn’t save him. That you couldn’t save him.
You went into Oliver's room, but he hadn’t come yet. While waiting, you began to walk around the room, and suddenly saw a book by his bedside table, your birthday present. You sat down on the bed, picked up the book and began to look at it again. Icarus with golden wings, falling away from the sun. You ran your finger over the gold embossed cover. Tears welled up your eyes. Gods. You started crying uncontrollably, hot tears dripping right onto the cover of the book. Gently throwing the book on the bed, you buried your face in your hands and bent over in sobs.
"Y/N, what are you..." Oliver came into the room and rushed to hug you.
"Ollie... the book... I..." you spoke barely legibly through sobs. He began to calm you gently, squeezing you tightly in his arms, "I'm here, my darling, everything is fine."
He wish he could take away this pain that you were experiencing right now, but it was impossible to take away what he had caused himself. Yet he was sincerely comforting you, hugging and kissing you in the most caring way possible, "I'm here and I'll always be there, no matter what happens, you'll be safe and sound with me," his whispering was hot and assuring.
Oliver used to think that there was nothing better than the feeling when you comforted him. However, the way you looked at him with your eyes full of tears, trustfully snuggling closer, searching for his support and his consolation, it turned out to be a feeling on a completely different level. The way you needed him, him and no one else. And only he could grant you any relief. At that moment, he felt that he was close to the deity. Your personal deity.
And Oliver was ready to arrange a hundred more accidents to experience this feeling again.
A hundred? This was, of course, too much. But it was in his power to do a couple more.
He took a deep breath of your scent, burying his nose deeper into your hair and holding you closer. Besides, Saltburn looked like a lovely place for your future shared happily ever after.
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moog-rt · 2 months
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GO TO HELL [ch. 3]
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[Lucifer Morningstar x Fem!Reader]
Previous: Chapter Two
➨ Chapter Three
Next: Chapter Four
Premise:
You love your friends. You really do. But sometimes it needs reminding when one of them accidentally sends you to Hell.
Despite falling into the hands of Hell’s loveliest princess, finding a way back to the world of the living proves difficult as you tiptoe around its king.
Warning(s): sudden popularity, mistakes were made (by you not me <3)
If you'd prefer to read on Ao3, here is the link:
Otherwise, enjoy!
♡ ♡ ♡
CHAPTER THREE
Well.
You finally made it on TV. Fame and fortune were nearly yours for the taking. People would be lining up outside for your autograph and maybe even just the chance to catch a glimpse of you.
The ‘Human in Hell.’
That was the headline the news broadcasters decided on. It was slapped on top of a clip of you hauling ass through the rancid streets of Hell. You were clearly panic stricken and fearing for your life, but why would the announcers care about that?.
A darn shame it was being aired live across all of Hell. Your dignity was the price you would pay for fame amongst the worst people to walk the Earth.
You were curled into yourself on the couch, unable to peel your eyes away from the screen. Vaggie was pacing behind it, muttering out profanities you didn’t know existed. And Charlie? She was doing her best to calm the both of you down. Bless her heart.
The reason you had to end your little escapade to the Morningstar Manor early was because Vaggie texted saying she had bad news. You thought perhaps her recruiting backfired or there could have been a fire in the hotel that she couldn’t put out.
You did not expect to be called back because the entirety of Hell now had you on their radar. This complicated things quite a bit as one might imagine. It was much easier to hide as a human when only a handful of people knew about you. Now, everyone’s eyes were peeled in hope of finding you.
“Look, she’s all-over social media, too,” Vaggie groaned, showing her phone screen to the two of you. She began to read off some of the posts, “Vox and Katy Killjoy are promising viewers an interview with her…There’s already bidding wars for Christ’s sake!”
“Let’s not worry too much about this…As long as we make sure she’s in her disguise when we’re out, it’ll all be okay,” Charlie said.
“They caught her on video. What if they tracked her to the hotel? They could show up any second looking for her!”
It was touching she cared so much about your well-being in this situation, but the goal was to have you back home as soon as possible. Once you were out of Hell, none of this would be a problem. You doubted demons would pass into the living world just to come after you. At that point, there was an endless number of humans to choose from.
“I don’t know…They probably would have already shown up if they knew she was here,” Charlie reasoned, and Vaggie’s pacing began to slow.
“I was able to get away from all the demons that were after me by the time I found the hotel,” you added. “No one should have been around to see me come in.”
Charlie was finally able to get Vaggie to sit, and a tense silence enveloped the three of you. Charlie was rubbing Vaggie’s arms soothingly, so you took it upon yourself to turn off the tv. There was no point in listening to it anymore. All it did was stress everyone out, and there was nothing you could really do about it. Your current plan of action remained the best.
“So how was your day, Vaggie?” you asked in hopes of breaching a more positive topic.
“Oh, right! Did you find anybody who would be interested in staying with us?” Charlie chimed in with a bright grin.
The poor girl sighed in response.
“There was one person who was interested in what we’re offering,” she began, “but he seemed more enticed by free rent than redemption…”
“That’s okay. Maybe if he spends a little time with us, the idea of redemption will start to grow on him!” Charlie sounded like she was also trying to convince herself.
“I guess…” Vaggie grumbled. “He said he might drop by tomorrow or the day after to check things out. Would that work for you guys?”
“Oh, my gosh. That would be great!” Charlie squealed, jumping up from the floor. “We have to head back to my dad’s in the morning, but any time after that would be perfect.”
“No luck today?”
“Not really,” you sighed. “We were able to look around a little bit but we ended up running into her old man.”
“And he tried interrogating her,” Charlie groaned, running her hands through her hair as the memory resurfaced. “I was so worried he would suspect something, but your emergency text totally saved us.”
“Did the disguise work at least?”
That was an excellent question. While he didn’t seem to question anything about your appearance, he still seemed suspicious. It was entirely possible he could smell your fear. You’d expect no less from a demon; they probably fed off of it. Who knows…
You should be nicer. Charlie and Vaggie certainly hadn’t given you that impression. In fact, you were pretty sure you saw one of them eating toast for breakfast. They likely had perfectly normal digestive systems.
“I think so! We’re just gonna have to make a good cover story in case he finds us again.”
The three of you began to brainstorm, losing track of time as it faded into playful conversation. There was an intermission to order food since their ‘kitchen’ still wasn’t quite ready to be used to such an extent. And eventually, you parted ways to get ready for bed.
Your arms were full after they had given you a towel and a plethora of toiletries to help scrub all the paint off of your body. When you entered your room, you were also greeted by your ‘human’ clothes, clean and neatly folded on top of your bed.
And laying on top of those was your phone.
Holy shit. You had completely forgotten you had it on you before your ass was ripped through that portal. Of course, the adrenaline rush that immediately followed your arrival in Hell didn’t help. And you were so eager to get those nasty, garbage covered clothes off, you hadn’t noticed the weight in your back pocket.
You dumped all the toiletries onto your bed to grab it.
The home screen was piled with notifications ranging from worried texts to company newsletter alerts. You began thumbing in your password to rifle through it all… but then you noticed your hand.
The paint was rubbed away.
On your fingers and wrists. There were splotches where paint was gone, revealing your natural skin underneath.
When did this happen?
Your palms were almost completely barren, likely from everything you had touched throughout the day. On the back of your hands and around your wrists, there were smaller spots where your skin was peeking through.
Like fingerprints.
You felt like you were delt a sucker punch to the gut.
Maybe…Maybe it was from your own hand. You could have been rubbing at your own wrists subconsciously. With all the stress-inducing shit going down, that wouldn’t be unlikely.
But if the paint could come off so easily…
No. You had to believe it was your own doing.
Regardless, you had to find a way to prevent it from happening again.
You opted to wait until the morning to break the bad news to Charlie and Vaggie. The two had just gone off to bed, and honestly, your nerves were getting the better of you. Your stomach was twisting in on itself as your heart pounded relentlessly against your ribs.
You would tell them. You would.
Just not right now.
More than anything, you wanted that dried up paint off of you.
Tossing your phone aside and grabbing your bathing supplies, you scrambled into the bathroom to throw the shower on. The feeling of peeling those clothes off and clambering in to let the hot water rush over your sticky body was ethereal. It was so satisfying to watch the unnatural pigment run off your skin, erasing any evidence that it may have transferred onto that man’s hands.
You closed your eyes and tilted your head back, hoping it would wash away your worries, as well.
Finding the will to get out of the shower was difficult. But your body was tired, as well as your mind.
Flicking the lights off, you tumbled into bed, content with its softness in that moment as the mattress and pillows consumed you entirely. You were more than ready to knock out and forget about all that had happened over the past couple of days.
You didn’t want to think about the fact you were likely being hunted by god knows how many hell-goers. You didn’t want to think about the impact the time you spent here would leave on your life in the living world. Your job, your relationships (thankfully you didn’t have a pet). More than anything, you didn’t want to think about the possibility you may never get home at all.
With a deep sigh, you rolled onto your side and felt something hard beneath your hip. You groaned as you reached down to remove it, finding the phone that you had carelessly tossed aside. It made your heart swell.
You wanted your friends. You wanted to read their texts, new and old. Hell, you wanted to see any memes or posts they may have sent you. Any semblance of normality was all you needed right now. You would take whatever you could get.
Slowly, you reached over and grabbed it. Its brightness hadn’t yet adjusted, and you squinted as you flash banged yourself.
Opening your messages, you saw Devon at the top. They said that they hoped you could see their message, that you were somehow okay.
That depends on what you consider to be ‘okay’.
Beneath them was that boy, Jack. He sounded upset. He probably thought you were ignoring his texts out of spite. His messages were a mixture of asking what was wrong and saying you were overreacting over whatever it was he had done.
You couldn’t recall him doing anything to upset you recently, so it seemed there were things you had yet to find out about. What a pain.
Your other friends that you were supposed to spend time with today were expressing their concern for your absence.
Are you coming?
Where are you?
Is everything okay?
Please respond.
It made your heart ache. You needed to let them know you were at least alive.
As soon as you started writing a message of your own, the text began to buzz. The overhead light and lamps in your room began to strobe, and pixels of red flashed across your screen as a horrible humming emanated from the phone. It sounded as if the room was filled with a swarm of bees. It was deafening.
Then you noticed those shackles.
Those red, glowing shackles that dragged you here were flickering around your wrists once more. You sat straight up, ready for them to pull you somewhere new, but then the room went dark and the noise was gone.
You could still feel the sheets beneath your knees, and when you turned on the lamp beside your bed, the room looked untouched. At the very least, you knew you hadn’t been thrown through another portal.
There was no sign that anything had happened at all.
Your phone would not turn on again after that whole…event…from the night before. At most, it would crackle at you, but the screen remained black. It was possible it just died from low battery, but you weren’t paying attention to that. You wondered what the odds were that Charlie would have a compatible charger.
You could ask her about it later.
The two of you were back on the grind to find a way to access the living world. Once again, Vaggie had to hang back. They decided it would be best for someone to make the hotel slightly more presentable in case the potential patron decided to stop by that evening. A good call, in your opinion.
Beggars can’t be choosers, but their place didn’t seem particularly livable from the outside. Hence, why you thought it would be a good spot to hunker down to begin with.
You and Charlie had slipped into her dad’s place again, this time undetected. After checking out the room of relics once more and without any interruptions, you found nothing that seemed to be of use (from what you could tell, shit was written in ancient tongue).
Your next stop was library where you decided to split up in order to cover more ground.
Now, you wandered aimlessly through the towering shelves of books, unsure of where to start. Having no clue how it was all organized, you settled on the tactic of picking out books at random and letting your luck guide you.
It wasn’t going so well.
You were able to find only one or two books pertaining to the ‘mortal’ world, but neither had anything to do with accessing it. They more so covered history of civilization and travel guides once you were there.
Pulling out another book that looked to be promising, you sighed as that, too, ended up being a dud. Half an hour had easily passed since you began your search, and you were growing despondent.
You wanted to believe that there was some way to get back. Charlie and Vaggie had said so themselves. But if Charlie’s old home was your best shot, you didn’t like your odds looking anywhere else.
No matter how much you tried to stay optimistic, you couldn’t help but dwell on the possibility of being truly stuck here. Finding a way out was starting to feel like finding a needle in a haystack, especially now that you were rummaging through a library that easily held thousands of books.
You hated the thought of not being able to see your friends again. Your family. Stuck in a world where there was a target on your back for simply existing in it.
Your energy was beginning to dwindle. You were slowing down, and your heart felt so heavy.
And you hated it.
You hated the way your vision was beginning to blur and how your sunglasses were fogging up as your face grew warmer.
Your sleeve wiped away the first tear that threatened to slip past, but you were too slow for the second. It left a wet streak down your cheek before you were able to dab it away. You wanted to be careful of your makeup.
When Charlie was getting you ready earlier, you couldn’t bring yourself to tell her about the paint missing from your hands. You wanted to, but every time you thought you found the courage to say it, your throat grew tight, choking you into silence.
The most you could do was suggest a setting spray or powder to make sure it really stayed put. You told her you were just worried about the possibility of it coming off. Even if you couldn’t pull the truth from your own mouth, you wanted to take whatever precautions you could.
Your precautions, it seemed, were still not enough as the paint transferred onto your sleeve. Leave it to tears to ruin a girl’s makeup. You need to find someplace with a reflection to see if you could cover it up somehow.
As if on cue, you heard Charlie walking into your aisle. You felt relieved as she could probably blend the new smudges you’d created before anyone could see them.
“Hey, sorry but do you think you could help me out real quick?” you ask as you turned to her with your hand covering your cheek.
You nearly jumped out of your skin as you were greeted not by the sight of your newest friend but her father instead.
His hands were propped up on his staff, and his eyebrows were raised nearly to his hairline. He had a smug smile on his face to compliment it. Like he had caught you in the act.
There was nothing suspicious about looking at books in a library, though. Was there?
Adjusting your sunglasses so they were back in place, you put on the most charming smile you could conjure.
‘Hi—Good morning, Mr. Morningstar!”
“Hello, again,” he hummed, tilting his head as he watched you. “I didn’t think I would be seeing you again so soon.”
“Right, uh…Well, we had to leave in such a hurry yesterday. Charlie wasn’t able to find what she came for, so we’re back!” You lifted your shoulders to appear more excited than you were. At least you weren’t lying.
His finger started tapping on his apple.
“It’s quite interesting she didn’t think to give me any heads up. Almost like she’s trying to hide something…” He looked down at the book you were still holding for a moment then back at you.
Your heartrate spiked.
“What is it you’re looking for exactly?” He walked up next to you and made an act of looking through some of the books on the shelves you had just gone through.
“Huh? Oh, I’m not completely sure what Charlie needs, but she said I was welcome to look around in here,” you said, holding the book closer to your chest in hopes of hiding its title. “But I understand it’s your library, so if you’d prefer I not be in here, I’ll leave.”
He paused. With a heavy sigh, he closed his eyes and pressed the apple of his staff to his lips.
“Look,” he began, turning back around to face you, “you said you were relatively new here, correct?”
You nodded, unsure of where this was going.
“I don’t know how it happened, but I can imagine the change was sudden, and it can be pretty hard to accept,” he said as he made a gesture with his hand. “I don’t blame you for seeking out ways to feel like you’re still in touch with your life before.”
You looked away, tight lipped.
It was hard, but you didn’t want to have to accept it. You weren’t dead. Not yet. Which meant returning to your life before was still an option for you.
“I’m very grateful to have met your daughter,” you said, shaking your head and looking back at him.
His eyes were trained on you, and it no longer felt as if he was trying to look through you or figure out your intentions. Rather, he was looking at you.
“It all would’ve been much worse for me if I hadn’t,” you continued. “She’s given me a safe place to stay and has been trying to help me in any way she can, and I feel very lucky for that.”
You looked back at him with a soft smile. Soft but genuine. Meeting Charlie and Vaggie was the only bout of good luck you’d had since being sent to Hell.
A smile grew on his face in return, and for once, you didn’t feel threatened by it.
“That makes me happy to hear,” he said. “She’s always been much too kind for a place like this.”
“I suppose so,” you chuckled. “I think that just means you did a pretty good job raising her.”
“Aha…I hope so…” he glanced away, sharp teeth beginning to peek through his lips. He then reached a hand out towards you. “May I see that book?”
Hesitating for a moment, you passed it to him. He read over the title before looking up at the endless shelves.
“Come with me,” he said, walking down the aisle.
You followed him in silence. As he turned the corner, you passed a large arched window that allowed red light to stream through. It illuminated the few specs of dust in the air, and when he walked through it, it turned his hair and skin a blush pink.
As you passed under the light, it felt as though all your prior nervousness washed away.
Yesterday, you wanted nothing more than to be as far from this man as possible.
Now, you felt at ease as he guided you through his labyrinth of a library.
He began pulling books from the shelves here and there, handing them off to you. When you looked them over, you realized they were all pertaining to the living world. You knew better than to hope he’d give you one that held the key to getting home…but what if?
You chatted with him a bit about Charlie and her hotel as you went on through the aisles. You were a little surprised by how much he didn’t know about her plans.
After a few minutes, your arms were filled with a stack almost up to your chin.
“That should do it!” he announced, turning to you with a wide grin as he brushed the dust from his hands. His eyes lingered on your face.
“Thank you so much! This is really kind of you,” you said politely. “I’ll be sure to give them back when I’m—uh…done with them!”
“No rush at all. I’ll be sure to stop by soon to see what all my dear daughter has been up to,” he said with a smirk.
You said your goodbyes and watched as he walked away. The smile adorning your face was subconscious, and your chest felt full and warm.
The weight of all the books was making your arms tired. You had yet to look at what he pulled out for you, but you could wait until you were back at the hotel to rifle through them. You probably wouldn’t be able to find anything better than what he had given you, so you decided to meet back up with Charlie.
She found some things that looked promising, as well. You figured she would have told you more about them if her eyes hadn’t landed on your cheek. The cheek that was out on display for the whole world to see as both your arms were full of the books her father had pulled out for you.
Next Chapter
♡ ♡ ♡
tag list: @spookysisters @for-hearthand-home @crescent-z @mixplara @juskonutoh @tinywolfiegirl @lafy-taffy @glowinthedarkbones1150
251 notes · View notes
connoisseursdecomfort · 3 months
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The thin line between Waku Waku and danger - what awaits Anya after ch.94?
[Manga spoiler alert]
Anya. The baby of the story. The star of the show. The leader of the Twiyor ship (she even created the slogan "Chichi to haha icha icha".) The telepath. The gremlin. The peanut. The heh.
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In SxF, we saw how she forged the Forgers, how she fortified her friendship with Becky and Damian, as well as Emile and Ewen, and how she improved academically. It all started because she found it to be waku waku to have Twilight to be her father.
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Same reason for choosing Yor to be her mother:
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Of course, I love her for doing that. But there is no denying that she's drawn to danger. She likes it to be exciting. She wants to be the hero. And we all do. We, like Anya, like things to be waku waku.
It is good for the audience. But is it good for Anya?
Not really. Slowly but surely, Endo is revealing to us how it would affect Anya.
She thinks it is waku waku to have a spy and an assassin as parents because she is obsessed with Spy Wars. It is totally understandable for people to be want to imitate the cool characters on TV, and it is mentioned once again in Ch.94.
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But it's something more than that. Loid being the top spy and Yor being the top assassin gives us a feeling that no matter what they will save her, and more importantly, they will be able to save her.
In the first chapter, her desire to make the spy work more waku waku has got her into trouble. Twilight rescues her, all ends well. In Chapter 7 she gets into trouble again, and Yor rescues her.
We have a sense of security that the Forger parents will do anything to get their baby back. And while that's VERY true (that's not up for debate - sorry), it also gives Anya the sense of security that she could maybe play with fire a bit more. So in Short Mission 1 we see her deliberately holding onto the bad guy's clothes, trying to get Yor to help. And Yor saves her and kicks the bad guy's ass.
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Nonetheless, I should specify that Anya doesn't only want waku waku only for the sake of it although she does gloat over her successes. She understands that she needs to be careful, both in the doggy crisis arc and the cruise arc. But she still runs towards danger because she wants to help.
We already know she would do anything to keep the family together because of her love for her parents and also her abandonment issue especially when it comes to Operation Strix. That includes running towards a building that is going to explode in the doggy crisis arc and heading to the front deck where Yor is fighting with other assassins in the cruise arc. She has a good reason wanting to get involved, and she always succeeds too.
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But that isn't all. She actually sees how her parents work towards their goals tirelessly.
That, of course, has something to do with what Endo chooses to focus on when it comes to the jobs of spies and assassins. He doesn't actually focus on the waku waku part that much (which has been one of the most common complaints). Literally in the first chapter, Endo has already shown us what the nature of spy work is - It can be freaking boring.
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Same with the assassins' work.
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One could even argue that Endo is deconstructing the images of spies and assassins in popular culture. While it is still waku waku for us and for Anya to see them working as spies and assassins, most of the time it is just a job for Loid and Yor. That means we AND Anya also see how tired they are after they've finished their jobs.
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But why? If their jobs are ruthless and even thankless, why did they do it? The answers have been given in the cruise arc and ch.62. And for Anya who has been with them for quite some time now, she is inspired by their goals.
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Anya wants to do good. Just like her papa and mama. And I think this is probably a good time to revisit the bus arc, particularly this moment:
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Other children are thinking how their parents would come and save them. When Anya thinks about her parents, what would she think about?
Is it her parents' goal(s) - to make the world a better place?
Or is it the fact that she has always been the one actively doing something in order to save people, just like how she saves her parents and keeps her family together?
Even in the movie trailer, we see Anya desperately trying to help despite being all tied up.
The bus arc is also when the adults starts to scold her for being reckless.
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It is not really the first time they've seen her being reckless. In the doggy crisis arc, Anya is told not to wander off.
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Twice.
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And even the childcare lady told her the same thing in the cruise arc:
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But before it can be brushed off as kids having a tendency to wander off. But it is becoming more and more clear to the Forger parents that it seems to be something even more serious.
Endo is definitely dropping hints here, no?
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It reminds me of what Loid told Bond:
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This applies to everyone in the Forger family. Yor in the cruise arc. Loid in the mole arc. And Anya in the bus arc.
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Anya has learned so many things in the process. Her grades have improved. She has learnt to read the clock. She has to try to write something that is readable so she can eat the gifts from Damian. But it seems she hasn't learned the most important thing yet.
PS Meanwhile, Bond went from not knowing how to play in the dog park
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to suggesting an alternative game to Anya in Ch.94
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Bond is best boi \o/
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speedycoffeedelight · 1 month
Text
An Animalistic Disaster
Summery:You find yourself in a bit of a tight spot...
Masterlist
CH-13: A small problem arises
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Charlie's scream brought Vaggie and Pentious in the room as they stood there agape as well.
'What's with all the ruckus around here?' Alastor said as he stepped inside the cabin again for the second time. 'Niffty's human again!' Pentious answered from your door looking back at Alastor.
Alastor quickly peeked into the room over Vaggie's shoulder.
Indeed there was Niffty, who now had much more humane appearance being held by you. She had short light brown hair with red hues which were all damp and wet. On top of her milkish white skin was a pair of light yellow eyes blinking at you, not knowing what just happened while holding onto your shoulder.
She also had her old maid uniform on. But there was a tiny hole behind her dress where a small dog tail was poking out and she had a pair of dog ears as well. Despite her small frame, she was still an adult. But you kept holding her up like she weighted nothing.
After your eyes adjusted finally you slowly opened your eyes. "Niffty..?" You choked out. You were surprised to find yourself holding onto a human, well almost a human girl instead of the cute puppy of a few seconds ago.
"Oh my god Niffty you became human too!" Charlie sequeled as she ran over to you both. As she was talking about Niffty's new look to her you felt water droplets fall on your chest. Looking down you realised you may have been holding Niffty for quite a while and water from her hair was falling on you. You decided to put her down as others came to examine Niffty's new form.
"Niffty you have dog ears! How cute!" Charlie squealed as she leaned down to her level. Alastor came close to Niffty, taking in her new form.
'Niffty, dear, tell me exactly what you were doing before you turned into this. Spare no details' Alastor quickly inquired as soon as he stepped inside the room.
"Let the girl breathe Alastor. She just turned human, let her get used to her form first" Vaggie stepped in front of her.
"Niffty you feel any different?" You asked crouching down to her height.
"No I don't think so? But I can clean properly now! There are some spots I couldn't reach as a dog. I'm coming for those now!" She ended with a creepy laugh as she sprinted to finally clean with proper stuffs.
You nervously laughed looking at her. "At least she's making the best of her form" you stood up.
'Sooo, Charlie ...' Angel began to speak .
'As of so far about turning into human, the timing is from when you come here right?'
"Seems like it for now yeah! Why?" Charlie asked turning to face the spider. Meanwhile you grabbed a new loose t-shirt and shorts and went to take a quick shower in the bathroom.
'That means I'm next right? Haha,fuck yeah! Can't wait to finally get out of this shitty spider body!' Angel said celebrating by himself.
'Hold on that means I'm last! Fucking great..' Cherri looked the exact opposite of Angel dust.
'Heh don't worry toots, I'll personally carry you around when I become human again.'
'oh fuck off'
When you came out of the shower, you were faced with Niffty literally zooming from place to place with a duster and big ass needle, that gods knows where she found from, cleaning your place up. You could appreciate her enthusiasm. At least you don't have to worry about cleaning your cabin any longer.
"Hey (Y/n), could we borrow some of your clothes?" Vaggie asked standing beside you. "Me and Charlie wanted to take a shower if you don't mind but we don't really have other cloths..."
"Oh yes please go ahead!" You quickly reassured her. "Choose whichever you'd like, please. Most of my clothes are kinda oversized since they're most comfortable to wear. But I have some tight fitted ones of my own size too. You should be able to find the ones that fit you "
"Thank you, we'll go pick some out then" Vaggie smiled at you as she went to fetch Charlie and get the cloths. You went outside at your balcony as you sipped on
some coffee and scrolled through twitter.
"They're gonna sell trading cards now?" You were wide eyed looking at the video that the Hazbin hotel twitter account just posted. "There's keychains and literal key too!! Ahhh I want it! I want it so bad!"
But your wallet was practically crying. If you were to buy those right now, it might be hard to even last the week. Especially since there are three new people in the house. Your next paycheck should come after this week was over.
There was another thing to consider, if all of the cast turned human, you might not have enough money to feed all of them. Something needs to be done so at least you all don't starve. So it was a bit of a problem.
You headed back inside so you could call for a meeting. You found Charlie and Vaggie drying their hair in your room. Vaggie wore a oversized hoodie of yours with shorts and Charlie wore one of your dresses. Your heart practically swooned at the sight of them wearing your cloths. Was this the reason people in relationship steal each others cloths so much?
You explained the situation to Vaggie who quickly gathered the other animals and Niffty. You sat on your bed and explained your concerns. Vaggie volunteered to translate for the animals.
"We really need to find a way to make more money. My salary might be enough to somehow feed three to four people at best. But not about eight of you"
'What if we attacked drunks and perverts in the streets and took their money? We would be keeping the streets clean AND get the money we need' Alastor suggested.
"Are you fucking nuts? No way we're doing that!" Vaggie screamed.
"Wait what did he say?" You asked confused looking at both of them.
"Oh he said if we could kill people and take their money" Niffty answered for you while swinging her feet from the bed.
"What the- noo!" This time you screamed looking at Alastor. "Can you not about think anything except hurting others?"
'You are the one who asked us for our suggestion'
'What if you guys become stripper's instead? It pays good money~'
"I don't think I'd be comfortable with that Angel..." Charlie nervously laughed.
After a lot more talking and presenting ideas and erasing them, Pentious finally spoke up.
'What if Charlie and Vaggie gets a job here?'
Vaggie translated it for you. "Job huh..that might be the best but where could you guys work around here without any papers.." you mumbled by yourself. "Not to mention Charlie's horns and Vaggie's antenna's on the head."
"Oh oh I could make something at home with my sewing if you'd like! Then we can go sell it!" Niffty chipped in.
'And I could create new gadgetsss when I become human! No doubt people will go crazy with the inventionss made by the great Sir Pentiousss!'
You smiled after you heard Niffty and Vaggie translated Pentious's words. "Yes that could work as well. Nice thinking both of you"
"As for the rest of you, we'll decide once you become human. For now we'll focus on getting Charlie or Vaggie to work so the load lessens a bit.  Though it'll be hard finding a place that doesn't require any paperworks or something.."
You scratched your chin, deep in thought. Suddenly you remembered about a certain someone.
"I think I know just who to call for a little help to get through. But I really would rather not call her without an emergency." You sighed.
"Oh who is it (Y/n)?" Charlie asked with curiosity.
"My cousin, Melody." You said looking at the phone. "It's been some time since I last talked with her." You said sadly.
'Do you have an issue going on that girl or something?' Husk asked from the chair he was sitting and Niffty translated it for you.
"No no, not at all. It's the opposite in fact. I see her as my little sister and we basically grew up together "
"Then what's the matter?" Vaggie was confused with you answer. "Why didn't you call her all this time?"
"Her parents hate me. So I try not to call her as much so she doesn't get in any trouble. But I think a call is long overdue by now" you dialed up the number and exhaled trying to prepare yourself. "I'll be right back after the call" You said while moving out to the balcony and calling her.
'Why would anyone hate someone so sssweet as her?' Pentious said as he looked at all of them.
"I know right? She has been taking care of us all these time and she's practically an angel!" Charlie exclaimed.
'Now now Charlie, don't go jumping to conclusions just yet. We haven't seen all of her. Who knows what she's hiding in her past.' Alastor said with a grin. 'There must be some reason for this'
'Even though I hate to admit it, this fucker might be right. Don't get all high horse about her now. We barely know her properly.' Husk looked away and lied down on the chair and curled up facing away from everyone.
"Let's not all get hasty. We should wait for her to come back and hear from her what happened" Vaggie tried to stay neutral about all these as she looked in the direction of the balcony.
Melody didn't pick up the first call. But she picked the second. With your heart pounding you asked softly first like you always do.
"Hey is this a good time?"
This was to ensure your aunt, uncle or her dreaded brother weren't nearby to stir up trouble for Melody. You smiled when she said yes in a overjoyed tone.
"Yes it is! Skylar got in trouble for drinking last night and mom and dad's letting him have it. They won't be here for some time. And why haven't you called all this time?? I missed you!"
You smiled gently hearing she still misses you. And it looked like her brother was being a pain in the ass as usual.
"Isn't that guy like 15 or something? Anyway, I'm sorry for not calling you Mel, I was afraid of getting you in trouble.. "
"Girl stop worrying about me! I'll handle them one way or another. But I suppose you had a reason for calling me now hm?"
You felt guilt travelling through your entire body to reconsider your decision to ask her for help.
"Yes I actually did..but let me hear about how your life's been so far! Tell me all the gossips!"
"Hm,sure then. There was this guy...."
Melody talked about a guy she has a crush on, how her parents are overpressuring her with their expectations to a new shitty series she just started watching. You both laughed and joked just like old times. It was almost enough to make you forget about the whole deal.
"And the story's so fucking boring too like god you won't believe! Bitch at least have interesting characters! Oh and anyways what was the thing you wanted to talk to me about?"
"I was hoping you could lend me some money... I'm kinda in a tight spot recently after I bought the new cabin. I'll repay you don't worry -" you got cut off from her answering.
"Shut up, not a another word from you! Take as much as you need and don't worry about paying!"
"But-"
"No buts!" Melody's voice became a bit softer. "You never really ask me for anything. You're always the one helping me out since we were little. Let me have this at least (Y/n)"
"Alright...and who says you don't do anything?" You said with small smile creeping on your face.
After a bit more talking you told her a decent amount of money that you needed in case of emergency. You made sure to not ask more then you might need. After a few seconds of cutting the call, you got a notification saying the money has been transferred.
You went back inside with a smile on your face. "I got the money guys! We don't need to worry about starving for now." You happily announced at the lot.
"That's great to hear! Also (Y/n) some of us was a little curious about what you said before, of your aunt's and uncle not liking you.." Charlie said looking at Alastor and Husk especially.
"Oh yeah about that......" You sighed. You were unsure on how to present the story to them.
"So when I was six.."
A.N: This was a rather mild chap but it needed to be done to get rid of some questions people might have in future.
Also I'm making their human apparences based on their ethnicity and fanart I find online and add my own little twist there. So everything might not be entirely accurate.
Which show you guys think Melody was watching? 🤔🤔
Tagging: @legostars @glowinthedarkbones1150
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class1akids · 4 months
Text
Act 3 Fumbles in the Todoroki arc
The decision to keep Endeavor alive with no clear narrative plan came with some terrible writing fumbles in Act 3 of the Todoroki arc which walked back previously established themes and failed to deliver on certain set-ups.
Off-screening Rei's reunion with Shoto.
Saving Rei from the hospital was Shoto's starting line back in Ch 44. After 250+ chapters of visits and letters, it was a huge milestone for him to see her out of the hospital and would have deserved a proper highlight and dialogue. Yet it was off-screened in favor of Endeavor getting the reunion scene.
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2. Spreading the blame for Toya to Natsuo and Fuyumi who are victims and children themselves
In a clunky attempt of parallels between the passive civilians of hero society, Natsuo and Fuyumi incomprehensibly are being framed as part of the blame for Touya's escalation.
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3. Walking back the Act 2 narrative of all victim responses are valid in favor of "it's heroic to prop up your abuser"
Instead of having Hawks feel bad about killing Twice, he was used as a prop to call into question the victim's right to walk away by making it seem as if he's done something wrong by cutting off the parents who abused and sold him.
Shoto's choice is valid, but he shouldn't be pitted against other victim responses.
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4. Focusing only on Endeavor's side of the fall-out for the scandal, while off-screening the impact on Shouto and only making coy references to it
It's convenient to hide the implied backlash at Shouto. Since his feelings never matter in relation to his family. His POV conveniently focuses on his friends helping him.
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5. Endeavor failing to step up for his family gets excused constantly, and turning everyone into Endeavor's cheerleader, while not having anyone anything to say about the abuse.
This was personally for me awful to watch how Hori kept using characters to shill for Endeavor, and did not make a single effort at an honest condemnation.
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6. Endeavor never delivers on becoming a father - in fact, Shouto spends Act 3 playing parent to Endeavor and carrying his burden and his arc of emancipation is invalidated as he gets no real choice
Shoto's arc was about freedom to decide who he wants to be. The emancipation cannot really happen though. He is bound by Endeavor's abuse, toxic legacy and past. While his peers rise into incredible heights, Shouto is condemned to pick up the pieces after Endeavor fails to step up.
Endeavor's arc was leading to a moment where he would choose to be a father over a hero. The moment never comes. Endeavor breaks every promise he made to the family, his solution for Touya is to kill him and has to propped up and saved by his victims throughout Act 3. He never gives them anything.
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7. Endeavor gets a bonus fight he doesn't need then sits back and waits while all the victims step up to save him and Toya. He gets no consequence at all for breaking his promise to the family since it would invalidate Shoto's arc of "family hero".
See above. Endeavor's fight with AFO is cool aesthetics and lots of internal pain. What it doesn't do is to step up for the family.
8. Shouto's fight in 352 has a clear narrative vision and strong, beautiful visuals, yet it gets invalidated for Round 2 which is a mess of short chapters that need heavy revision.
I'm convinced 352 was the original ending for Shouto vs Touya. It has a strong visual and great focus on their themes as brothers.
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9. By contast, Todoroki Shoto: Rising in fact in the weekly version had not a single strong visual for Shouto
Clearly Hori had no idea what point he wanted to make about Shouto. We don't really learn anything new about him - he steps up when Endeavor fails, like every time before. I'm still incredibly angry about this fumble. In fact, Hori doesn't really know what to do with this Todoroki family which has to embrace its abuser in order to save its "villain" without the abuser ever stepping up or giving anything back to the family and especially to Shouto. Even the masterpiece line which could be read as a reproach to Endeavor is scrapped.
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10. Ending the Todoroki climax on Endeavor's word is an awful disservice to Shouto as a character, which is why I fervently hope this is not the end for Shouto who deserves much better.
He doesn't even get to say anything.
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By keeping Endeavor alive without a plan, Horikoshi couldn't stick the landing of the Todoroki arc.
Sure, he has some cool visuals, but the overall message is terrible. In Act 3, the victims take on the burden of the abuser who keeps doing the same thing as he's always done: run away and play hero.
To make matters worse, the narrative is at most half-hearted in calling Endeavor out for this, and rather uses characters to shill for his heroic qualities.
The rebuilding of the family is hangs on the victims (apart from Touya) never getting to voice their feelings. In order to heal, not only they have to save their villain, but they have to embrace their abuser, who in turn doesn't have to do anything for them.
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Nights Spent With You
Pairing : Chan x Reader
Genre : Fluff
Warnings : None
Staying the night at your boyfriend's place for the first time can be awkward.
"You are not leaving, Y/n. I can't call myself a caring boyfriend if I allow you to go home in such a weather," Chan was being adamant, his hand crossed over his chest as he spoke.
You had went over to Chan's apartment in the evening and before you knew, it started to rain terribly.
"It's okay, Chan. I can take a taxi," you tried your best to convince him but it was clearly not working, as the pout on Chan's face seemed visible than anything else.
"No, Y/n. You're staying over," Chan usually wasn't this uncompromising when it came to you but he had recently only realized that you've never stayed over at each other's place before despite dating for nearly 7 months. To him, it was like taking another step forward in your relationship. This was perfect timing and he wasn't ready to loose it so easily.
"Uh Chan, even if I do stay, I don't really have anything with me to wear," you use the last excuse you have but seeing Chan's grin you realize that this too had failed. It wasn't like you didn't want to stay. You were too anxious and weren't really prepared for it.
"Y/n, I'm your boyfriend. Obviously, I have clothes that you can wear," Chan walks off to his room, "Follow me. I'm a master of clothes. You can choose anything you want"
↶*ೃ✧˚. ❃ ↷ ˊ- ↶*ೃ✧˚. ❃ ↷ ˊ-
Settling with Chan's beige hoodie and sweatpants, you were seated on his bed, a bit amazed by your sweater paws. Chan comes a few minutes later, slightly skipping because of excitement. Why wouldn't he be? He got you to stay over and wear his clothes.
"The hoodie's good?" Chan asks, to which you nod as a reply.
"So I can sleep on the couch and you can take the bed," you look up at your boyfriend with a disapproving look on your face.
"No, Chan. You're sleeping on the bed. It's yours anyways," Chan gives you an exaggerated look, shaking his head.
"And let the lady take the couch? Who do you take me for? I'm the next most gentlemanly person you'd know after Joshua"
It earns him a laugh and playful hit on the shoulder from you, making him grin again.
"How about we just share the bed? We're dating after all," you suggest and Chan nods a little bit too enthusiastically, making you give him a suspicious look, "You devil, were you waiting for me to suggest that?"
"Maybe," Chan smiles innocently, yet mischief glinting in his eyes as he lays himself on the mattress, motioning for you to do the same.
Luckily, Chan's bed was big enough to fit both of you and still had some room left between.
You look up at the wall, feeling a bit awkward. The rain was still pouring outside and it was quite cold. You shiver and it doesn't go unnoticed by Chan.
"Are you cold, Y/n?"
"A bit"
"Do you want to cuddle?"
You turn to look at him, only to find him staring at you already.
"It's okay, Chan. It might not be comfortable for you"
Chan laughs and opens his arms, "Come here, you dork"
"Bu-," before you can say anything Chan had already pulled you into his chest, wrapping his arms around you before placing his head on top of yours. It takes a second for his body warmth to comfort you, "Wait, Ch- Oh wow, this is actually nice"
"I know. I just wish you will let me take care of you more in the future," he whispers and you flush red. Thankfully, your face was hidden.
"And you're so soft. I love you so much," he pulls you closer to him, leaving no space between you two.
"I love you, too".
↶*ೃ✧˚. ❃ ↷ ˊ- ↶*ೃ✧˚. ❃ ↷ ˊ-
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claymorexpunisher · 2 days
Text
I'll Shut You Up (18 + Fic) (Ch. 1/?)
Pairing(s): Rhea Ripley/Fem. Reader
Disclaimer: This is NSFW. If that's not your thing, keep scrolling. I try to tag my work appropriately and if you still choose to click and read, do so at your own discretion. Thank you for the love, always, and I hope you enjoy!
Summary: It’s pretty well known that Rhea and Fem. Reader can’t stand one another. Reader thinks Rhea’s way cockier than she should be and Rhea thinks as highly about Reader as much as she thinks about the dirt at the bottom of her boot. Well… so they say, at least. A packed hotel mishap forces them to bunk together, and Rhea presses her luck by running her mouth.
Fic Tag(s): 18+, enemies to hatefucking, forced proximity, overbooked hotel, WM weekend, Bottom Sub!Rhea, Dom Top!Reader, bratty!Rhea, a little bit of oral (Rhea receiving) anal play/penetration, size difference, strap-on, nipple play, hair-pulling, spit for lube (I KNOWWW IM SORRY), begging, spanking, biting, slapping, choking.)
Chapter Word Count: 584
“Is it my card or are there no more rooms left?” I asked the lady at the front desk who already seemed just as stressed and exhausted as I was.
“I’m so sorry, ma’am.” She apologized as she nodded. “But it seems that there was a bit of a mishap when your reservation was made. Due to the wrestling events taking place over the weekend, we’re completely booked. And because of that it seems that your room was accidentally double booked through an error in our system. I’m so sorry, ma'am.” She said.
A deep frown creased her brow before she smiled, and she offered me a discount voucher for my room and for anything that I wanted from room service.
I kindly rejected the offer but asked, “Am I at least rooming with another wrestler?”
When she confirmed that I was, I breathed a little bit in relief as we wrapped things up and I received my room key- I was on the 3rd floor.
I wasn’t besties with the entire locker room, but least I wouldn’t be stuck with a complete stranger.
Although, there were definitely some people in the locker room that I would always avoid like the plague if I could help it.
Rhea Ripley was number one on that list…
We never could stand each other for reasons unbeknownst to the rest of the locker room.
Where I was avoidant, Rhea was insufferable, always making it a point to take jabs at me whenever she could, be it online or face-to-face.
Made me feel like I was an insignificant little bug that she could squash in .2 seconds.
She acted like she was hot shit, and she knew it.
Which physically, that may be true.
But she quickly learned that I didn’t take well to attempts at intimidation.
But lately, she’d switched gears and began flirting with me, heavily, and then we’d be back to insulting each other.
She claimed it was just for shits and giggles and because she enjoyed how “flustered” it would get me, which… ew.
It only got me “flustered” because they were cheap insults- mostly about my small height and the sexual inexperience she assumed I had.
I told myself that she was as tolerable as a canker sore- even though I could admit that on a certain level, our back and forth excited me.
…. And actually, sometimes, in the deep, dark recesses of my filthy mind, I didn’t know if I wanted to slap her or… or if I wanted to slap her and then teach her a very valuable lesson.
Bend her over.
Dominate her.
Make her ass glow red with my handprints etched onto them like the tattoos on her body and her blue eyes as glassy as a porcelain doll’s…
And that just made me despise her even more.
How dare she awaken any kind of desire in me when she was such a raging brat?
Then again, I could that admit brats could be really fucking fun.
But she… she got under my skin in ways I wasn’t prepared for.
“Just please don’t let it be Rhea fucking Rip-…” I mumbled to myself as I slid the keycard into the door as soon as I found my room.
My words trailed off and I let out a “Absolutely fucking not.�� as soon as I walked further into the room, and I laid my eyes on the smirking-and almost naked- figure lounging in the king-sized bed in front of me...
Next Chapter
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soloorganaas · 1 month
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we need to talk more about sirius’s slutty furry dressing gown. babygirl. the choices that were made here. from his bedroom to king’s cross with his titties fully out and for WHAT. remus wasn’t even there
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Everlark (Catching Fire, Ch. 26-27)
katniss is the one to initiate the kiss with peeta before they split up. no mention of acting for the cameras because of course we're way past that now
katniss suffering, with a chunk missing from her arm, and she's still determined to try save peeta
the fact that their last moments before they're split up/the hijacking, they're calling/screaming out for each other. ugh.
"i can't reach peeta. i can't even reach my pearl" are there posts/analysis about why specifically katniss becomes so fixed on this pearl as her tether to peeta? is it just because he gave it to her?
thinking about how when katniss is on the hovercraft, she's like 'since i couldn't save him i have to kill him to save him from the capitol' but then in mockingjay when she finds out he's alive she's sooo happy that he's alive that it overrides her fear of him being in the capitol
confirmation that everyone kept peeta alive just so katniss didn't go off the deep end
she loves him so much you guys. like he's all she thinks about.
"what i want... what i want is to have him back" the simplicity of this kills me. it's almost childlike in the way it's said. she doesn't actually want him dead, she just wants him back beside her and if that doesn't just rip your heart out
"he's so strong and such a good liar" so katniss does see his possible toxic traits, she just chooses to pay them no mind because she's obsessed with him
"i give up. stop speaking, responding, refuse food and water. they can pump whatever they want into my arm, but it takes more than that to keep a person going once she's lost the will to live" in the beginning of the first book, we see katniss who has decided to live a life restricting her emotions and wholly focused on survival really be quite harsh to her mother's condition after her father died and here we see her go through it herself. she opened herself up to love to the point that damage like this to it means she is broken by it. she is grieving him, the same way we see her grieve prim at the end of mockingjay. (only there's something she senses she's waiting on even then). she's so desperate she thinks maybe if she dies, she can still save peeta because he might be released
"i put what was precious in haymitch's hands. and he has betrayed me" PRECIOUS. if this doesn't tell you he's become her whole world in the best way. this boy she's tried to convince us and herself for so long is just a friend, just an ally, just some guy... he is what is precious. cry
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sanjisluvbot · 8 months
Text
YANDERE STRAWHATS X BLACK FEM READER CH 17
Masterlist
[ I’ll add ch 1-16 here tmr I’m just really tired <3 ]
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The silences became unbearable so you decided it was best you spoke up. Your sentences collided, you both stumbling over what the other said. You shared a laugh and decided to let Law go first, anxiously waiting to hear about what was on his mind that made him go complete radio silent at the dinner table.
" Y/N-ya, This conversation is going to make you upset but it's a neccesary one." He started off.
you nodded and waiting for him to continue. He sighed and turned away for a second, anxiety dwelling in the pit of his stomach.
" Before we had really gotten close and I was traveling with you and the strawhats Robin invited me into her study because she had books that would be really interesting to me."
The shock was written all over your face, he was telling you about reading one piece. You gulped down the lump in your throat, Sanji was telling you the truth.
" I'm pretty sure you have an idea of what I am about to say but, I just want you to know I wasn't keeping this from you because I am trying to harm you, and I am not in kahoots with the strawhat crew. ”
You but your lip wondering if the anger was showing itself on your face. You wanted to tell, scream, or even jump him. That wasn’t the right answer though, you knew that, thinking back to all the times you’ve simply done something logical here you always ended up on the wrong side of the stick or sword.
You hummed and looked away from him, “ I choose not to be angry at you. I mean, speaking logically I had done the same thing. Reading the manga and then coming here. I’m just not as free to go back whenever I please as you are.”
Your heart swelled. You felt mature and dignified in this moment, the anger seemed into the back of your mind most likely going to rush forward when you’re alone again but that’s alright. As long as you don’t show them everything will be fine.
“ I mean still… Y/n-ya I betrayed your trust by not telling you this sooner. If I was in your shoes I would probably be screaming from the top of my lungs.”
You laughed. Of course you wanted to do that, to everyone that you’ve encountered in this mysterious world you wanted to scream from the top of your lungs hoping that maybe someone from your home can hear or that maybe god would rescue you.
Unfortunately that’s not reality.
Law spoke about how intrigued he was by your universe. The new technology, the advancements in medicine he’s never heard of. In such a short period of time he spent there he was able to see things people wouldn’t even dream of in this life time.
Bepo and the rest of the crew peeked out the doors and windows amazed to see their never catch him with his pants off captain be so lax. It was like an alien replaced him or he was possessed by a free spirit.
Although you haven’t spent much time with the heart pirates, they adored you. Like basically everyone else they were enamored with the girl from another world, you were this alien creature who spoke so differently, lived differently, just a ball out of left field.
They were more subtle but they watched you as much as anyone else did. They liked the way you did little things and they liked the way you made their captain easier to deal with.
As they watched you two go from awkwardness back to a regular conversation where Law’s smile was prominent and his posture slouched, they wondered what would happen when you went back home.
Of course the captain would miss you, he would probably be even more overbearing just because your presence is gone but they all knew too well what the right thing to do was.
After hearing your story and what you dealt with from the Strawhat pirates they couldn’t help themselves in wanting to protect you. You were too fragile for this world, even though you weren’t even a different species your world is so fragile and life goes so quickly for you. You deserved to enjoy it— even if it meant they would never see you again.
You would always be one of their favorite memories.
The weight on Law’s shoulders was removed. And your comfortable conversation about the stars and what not from your universe could lull him to sleep. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt this relaxed around a person— even his own crew.
Your eyes shined under the light of the moon and the hue made a light shade of blue casting over your brown skin. He moved closer, wanting to get a slightly better look at you. After all you’d be leaving in the middle of Wano. That thought brought a sharp pain through Law’s chest and a vein popped out on his temple.
He didn’t want this to be one of the lady times he seen you. Law wouldn’t say it out loud— he couldn’t. Knowing you, you’d probably become spooked by his demeanor. But he was sure that he wanted you in his life for the long run, get to know you like the back of his hand and maybe… just maybe…
His teeth gritted- his own thought annoying him while he was trying to focus on you explaining different telescopes that would let you look at the surrounding planets.
He would have to work over time to at-least attempt in forgetting you. He chuckled out loud at that catching your attention.
“ What’s funny loser.”
Don’t
“ Nothing… I was just thinking of something— continue.”
You smiled and teased him once more making him shy away from showing you his reddening cheeks.
The night is still young and you had so much to talk about, he wanted to be all ears but you just made everything so difficult now.
Luffy was aggravated, you spend less and less time with him and everyone else now. He missed when you would spend all day playing games and just simply having your presence in his vicinity.
Robin told him what happened today and he wanted desperately to be happy but knowing that you and Law were ir already have talked it out made him want to destroy something in front of him.
Nami eyed him, her and Zoro were always first to read Luffy’s emotions and she was tad bit upset at how easily Robin opened her mouth. Telling him any of this isn’t in their best interest right now.
Nami wanted you to stay with them of course but she figured out a different way to ensure that. To ensure that both you and everyone else can finally be happy. But, with Robin or any other crew member coming to the captain every other day to report one thing after another it would be more difficult.
Usually Robin and Ussop would be in her corner but she’s all but alone as of now.
Her thoughts started giving her a head ache and Luffy’s anger was making her anxious. She was going to just put her thoughts to rest for the night. She’s have all the time in the world to figure this out in the morning.
Walking into the other room she bumped into Sanji, who had desserts in his hand and gave her his bright smile. When she declined Sanji’s facade dropped, concern ect he’d across his face.
“ Nami si everything alright?”
“ Yeah Luffy’s just agitated and Robin is adding fuel to his fire. I’m just gonna go to sleep we’ve got things to do tomorrow and I need to devise a plan.”
He told her to wait just a moment in the hall while he dropped off his treats, coming out in less than a minute he smiled at her and offered to make her melatonina tea. She obliged knowing he wouldn’t take no for an answer, and he was obviously worried for her and not up to any of his theatrics.
In the kitchen she sat twirling a spoon in her cup letting every thought and worry fly out of her mouth and Sanji listened intently.
“ I just wish you guys would not tell Luffy things about Y/N and Law so often. We need this alliance— especially right now. In order to win and have Luffy become an emperor we need the heart pirates. I get that we all-”
“ Everything’s going to work itself out.”
She tilted her head and he chuckled at how cute she was mentally begging himself to not make a fool out of himself.
“ We’re all just stressed, too much going on, too much focus on Y/n, and too much pressure from other crews and the people of Wano. I get you’re frustrated— I think we all are even the moss ball.”
“ Well yeah but-”
“ Robin wants to get a reaction out of all of us. Luffy is just an easy target. Luffy would get agitated if Y/n were to even look in Trafalgar’s direction.”
“ I’m just trying to come to an understand of why she wants this reaction out of him right now if all times.”
“ Because just like you she’s devising plans and having a captain who will pop his fuse at just one little thing right now must be vital for it to work.”
“ I guess? ”
She drank the rest of her tea sb headed to her room praying nothing disastrous would come tomorrow.
🏷️ : @chaichaiiskai @mizzhellsingsstuff @herwritingartcowboy @axulaphie @toshirolovebot @futmblr @rhicambo @marim0cha @sasukeswife3 @mitskikinnie100 @alaurannara @angstylittleb1tch
A/N: short chapter Ik but de next Sunday! <3 love you lmk what you thought !!!
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icequeenbae · 12 days
Text
Boy Next Door (m) Ch.4 (fin) | BBH
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Pairing: Baekhyun x Reader
Neighbor AU, slow burn, hurt/comfort, fluff, smut
Warnings: Baek being the neighbor we’re all dreaming of, harassment (nothing graphic), some altercations, a bit of body image/ insecurity, MC sucks at relationships, explicit content, unprotected sex
Word Count: ~18.5k (total), 3.7k (pt.4)
Summary: Your neighbor Baekhyun has been a pleasant acquaintance since you moved into your current apartment almost a year ago. Could he also be… a perfect match?
© Please do not copy/ post on other platforms without permission.
Chapter Masterlist: Pt. 1 > Pt. 2 > Pt. 3 > Pt. 4 (fin)
Author’s note: Yesss, the time has come for the final part of the series to drop~ This is more on the fluffy side tbh, but I hope you find it to be a pleasant ending to this mini-series. As usual, please don't be shy to leave feedback in any way you prefer, I track all of your replies/ reblogs/ asks ❤️ And thank you for giving so much love to my stories, I do appreciate that a lot!!
Tags: @bbh-net  @k-vanity  @ksmutsociety @lavnderluv @cupreoussyzygy @byunbaek-hyun-04 @blue-rainydays
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‘I can’t believe you didn’t tell me earlier!!’
Yuki was over for girl’s night, and this time, she wasn’t the only one gushing about her prosperous sex life.
‘I was waiting for test results.’
‘Huh? Test results?’
You realized that you’d just spilled all the beans you didn’t intend to spill.
‘Uh- we didn’t exactly- you know?’
‘What?’ She asked suspiciously, probably not even imagining that you could get so careless.
‘Well…’ You swirled your hand around abstractly.
‘I don’t know what that means- Wait. No, you didn’t!?’ Judging by her lit-up eyes, she guessed right. ‘You little hoe!!’
‘Look who’s talking.’
‘Yes, I’m talking. And I want to know everything. Starting with the result of that test, actually. You stupid hoe.’
Sighing, you rolled your eyes.
‘It’s negative. Thankfully… But it was really stupid of me, I know.’
‘Well, did he at least pull out on time? It’s not a safe option, but the timing is somewhat important…’
‘He did. Although he said, he’s never had sex without condoms.’
‘Damn. I should change what I said to ‘you lucky hoe’! I hope you took that test properly.’
You nodded. That was the first time you had to march into a pharmacy to get pregnancy tests. And you had no clue about how to choose out of the dozens of available options. The only reason you were able to ask for help was that you wore a mask – to save you some face, literally.
But that landed you with a few options and some instructions to follow. You had also gotten your period after your two-day sexcapade with Baekhyun, so you were pretty sure you were lucky this time. But you were still concerned with the long-term options. Something you’d left for the future discussion with your physician.
There were other things on your mind right now.
‘Actually, there’s something else that’s been bothering me.’ You mentioned reluctantly. ‘We haven’t… made it official. I mean- he hasn’t asked me yet. Is that… indicative of anything?’
The thought was bugging you daily.
The words ‘Would you be my girlfriend?’ or anything of the sort, had never left your neighbor’s mouth. And you were the one who shamelessly got drunk, ended up in his bed, made him sleep in it with you, and then… Weren’t you so very eager to jump into having sex with him?
Not to mention that you’d stayed at his place for two whole days, Sunday being filled by more domestic delights, and… Even more sex. It seemed like Baekhyun was focused on you and completely insatiable. You couldn’t remember doing it more than once or twice a day, so you were stunned as you realized you had gone four times. His stamina was surprisingly remarkable.
It was a relief that you had to eventually leave his apartment, for you had to work on Monday. As you ran a bath at your place, you realized how sore and exhausted you were. The fact that just a couple days prior, you got shitfaced was probably a contributing factor, but also, the amount of physical activity was very unusual for your body. Though this was a great type of exhaustion, and you had the deepest sleep that night.
But now, almost two weeks later, you were pretty anxious about how your relationship was progressing. Relaying all of the basics to your friend and asking for her opinion was supposed to make you feel better; however, she shared your concerns.
‘This is weird. So, he had time to sex you up multiple times but not ask you a simple question?’ She frowned. ‘You know how it is here, Y/N… You’re not official until you say the words.’
You knew. And that wasn’t even the only cause for your uncertainty.
‘It’s not only that, but… We haven’t really hung out since.’ You mumbled, expecting a big reaction from your friend.
‘What?! Is the bastard ghosting you??’ She rose from her seat, looking ready to burst into his apartment and give him a piece of her mind.
‘No, he um- he had to go to some distant town for a work assignment. He told me that there might not be any internet connection since they would be on some military base or something like that. He said it would last a bit over a week, and then he’ll visit his family for a few days and get in touch with me from there.’
‘So, has he?’
‘So far… No.’ You admitted.
Yuki huffed, her eyebrows knitting together angrily.
‘Yah. That seems fishy as hell. Why wouldn’t he at least send you a text? Who disappears after having someone over for the entire weekend of fucking??’
‘We weren’t doing it the entire weekend…’ You mumbled, feeling your cheeks heat up again.
‘Come on! He didn’t ask you to be his girlfriend, disappeared on a ‘mission’ that sounds unrealistic, and hasn’t gotten back to you for almost two weeks? Wow, was I wrong about him.’
You scratched your temple, exhaling hopelessly. She just voiced everything that you thought to yourself. You kept giving him the benefit of the doubt in your head, but she was right. It was too odd for someone to vanish into thin air like this right after what had happened between the two of you. This was the hard truth, and it hit your softest, most vulnerable spot. Your heart.
‘I guess so,’ you muttered, voice a bit scratchy with the inevitable tears you held back. ‘What do I even do now, Yu? I like him a lot, which is precisely why I didn’t want to start anything…’
‘First of all, stop crying. If he decided to do this on purpose, he is a dickhead. And doesn’t even deserve to call you his girlfriend.’
She reached out her hands to wipe the stray tears off your cheeks.
‘Second… You need to grow some balls, Y/N. Don’t let people take you for granted or make you feel less than you are!’ She said in a serious tone. ‘I’ve told you this before: you shouldn’t retreat to your shell when someone attacks. You’re strong, beautiful, and an amazing person, capable of giving them hell if you need to!’
Snorting at Yuki’s passionate speech straight out of some girl power drama, you shook your head.
‘Yes, you are! Stop feeling sorry. If someone hurts you – don’t let them. I don’t mean Baekhyun exclusively. You know you’ve been in various situations lately where defending yourself was vital. Stop being a good, cautious girl who gets into her own head before saying anything. Act the way you want, and if someone is offended – it’s their problem. I’ve seen you speak your mind before, and it was damn powerful. That’s why it’s time that you do it for you.’
It wasn’t hard to guess what she was referring to. You’d been keen on staying collected on the outside and hid your emotions fairly well. You’d never let your struggles show, even when you were going through a difficult time at your previous job. You preferred crying in the restroom during lunch break to letting anyone know.  You didn’t want to deal with that. Sad or angry, you processed every thought before opening your mouth and saying something, just because you knew how hot-tempered you could become if you didn’t keep your tongue in check.
However, you did let it slip sometimes, mostly when someone hurt the people you love, as opposed to you. A couple years ago, you had to pick Yuki up from a random party she was stuck at, and there was a guy who made unwanted moves on her. As you arrived at the scene, you had to search the entire house for her until you walked into the kitchen, where the bloke was trying to kiss her while she was shoving him away. You vaguely recalled what you did… grabbing his shoulder to turn him around, kneeing him in the balls without hesitation. Yuki later shared that she sobered up as she heard you swearing excessively at him. You told him everything on your mind, and he was scared to talk back. Apparently, you looked like a force of nature back then.
And although this wasn’t the first time you’d done something like this, it was mostly reserved for someone else. But now that you were contemplating your life… You found that you might’ve been missing the point all along.
‘Actually… You have a point, Yu.’
Your best friend blinked, surprised by your response. She’d been trying to get through to you many times before, and now you finally listened?
‘Why should I always be the one to swallow my pride or feel uncomfortable? I’ve always been a good girl, and where did it get me?’ You wiped your face dry. ‘I’m not gonna do a one-eighty and become a crazy bitch now, but it’s time to let go. I won’t try to reach him or wait for him at the door. If he was one of the bastards who thought I was too boring to have a relationship with, well… Fuck him then. I’m done with feeling bad about myself.’
‘Yay! That’s what I’m saying. You go, girl!’
‘I’m sure I’ll get over him in no time. Yes, we’re neighbors; it’s gonna be awkward. But why should I be the one worried about it? I’ll be sure to let him know I don’t give a shit about him and his stunts if I ever see him again.’
‘That’s the spirit, Y/N-ah! Gosh, this calls for a celebration. Where’s the champagne I brought last time?’
‘I hoped you’d ask. In the fridge.’ You chuckled.
‘Coming right up,’ she winked, already headed to the cupboard to get the glasses.
***
Friday rolled in, having you overcome the struggles of getting work done while having your head elsewhere. Your office hours were so long and miserable that you were dead set on doing your house chores and then going straight to bed tonight. Just to sleep in tomorrow, wake up completely free for the day, and order from your favorite restaurant and chill. If anyone deserved a feast, it was definitely you! Rewarding yourself for getting through the week and spending five minutes not thinking about your personal life was a great achievement in your book. Maybe not great, but a triumph.
Walking up to the entrance, you saw a tall figure there.
It didn’t seem familiar until you were a ten-second walk away. Then you realized – it was that woman. That one who broke into Baekhyun’s apartment while you were there. And the one who called him up about having dinner together at his place.
Your first instinct was to turn around and sneak through another entry point. You hated confrontation, especially in case you didn’t initiate it. At this time, all you wanted was a quiet evening, and it was about to be ruined.
Your pride, however, didn’t allow you to back down. Suddenly, your conversation with Yuki replayed in your mind. She was right; you shouldn’t let anyone treat you that way or make you feel any less. And if you had to withstand a pointless attack, you could simply fire back. With that in mind, you reached the gate.
‘You!’ The voice made you sigh and brace yourself before turning around. ‘It is you! I’ve seen you before.’
‘Congrats,’ you shrugged, ready to walk away.
She grabbed your forearm.
‘Are you going to Baekhyun again?’
‘I find it unlikely that my destination is any of your business. Let go of me.’
She gritted her teeth, squeezing your arm painfully.
‘Listen, whore. I’ve been working on him for months, and as soon as I’ve made progress, you swing by and think you’re-’
‘No, you listen, bitch.’ You ripped out of her grasp, completely fed up with this. ‘I don’t care if you think you’re entitled to have him. But let me tell you this. I live on the thirteenth floor, so if I see you there again, I’m calling the police. Stop creeping around my house and get a life.’
‘You-’
‘Is everything alright?’ You turned to the security, who most likely caught your exchange in front of the gates on CC TV and decided to come check it out.
‘Yes,’ you nodded, pressing your code in and pushing through the entrance. ‘This person is blacklisted on our building, check under Byun Baekhyun. And please make sure she doesn’t sneak in and cause more trouble.’
‘Of course.’ The guard made sure the door was appropriately locked after you.
The woman, whose name you still didn’t know, shouted profanities at your back as you walked away.
You hated confrontation, but this felt good.
Later this evening, you gladly told your best friend about it.
‘Damn, you should’ve called me as soon as you got home! This is so cool,’ she yelled as you relayed the story.
‘I wanted to clean up first. You know we talk for hours… I'm glad I did; I’m sure I’d have zero energy if I had to do it now. I’m already in bed and so sleepy.’
As if to emphasize your point, you let out a loud yawn.
‘How graceful. I am in bed too, but I wish I could see her face when you… Is there a way to get my hands on the security footage?? I’d flirt with your guards just to have a chance to see that!’
You heard someone grumble in the background.
‘I’m sure you’d love to see that footage just as much as me, Seokie,’ she teased.
‘Ew, don’t tell me you’re in bed with Hoseok right now!’
‘What if I am? Jealous?’ She asked, and you rolled your eyes.
‘Sure. I hate you lovebirds.’
‘He’s been eavesdropping on your story about that bitch you put in her place, and he looks impressed.’
‘You go, Y/N-ah!’ You heard Hoseok shout.
‘Thanks,’ you giggled, feeling at ease. ‘That’s at least one source of frustration off my shoulders.’
‘Aw, you’re still upset about that bastard going MIA on you?’
‘I’m trying not to think about it. But… Baekhyun’s either been offline everywhere or has blocked me. I just keep thinking… If it’s the former, what if something happened?’’
‘Oh ,Y/N. I hate that you’re this kind. Next time you see him, tell him off just like his stalker.’
‘I guess,’ you agreed weakly. ‘Anyways, tomorrow is a new day, and I have great plans, so I need to sleep now.’
‘By great plans you mean ordering food and wearing pajamas all day?’
‘You know me so well! Don’t bother coming over, I’m not gonna share. It’s a me-day.’
‘Ugh, what a hoe.’
‘I’m hanging up.’
You put your phone away, giggling at her goodbye growl. She always knew when to tease you to make you relax, and it was one of the reasons you considered her a great friend.
She was always there to back you up and listen to your whining, if needed. At least when you went back to being alone again, you weren’t completely alone.
***
You danced eagerly to the door, ready to pick up your order. It was afternoon, and you were hungrier than a wolf. The delivery guy had just sent you a picture of your package, so you were to simply get it at your doorstep. Which was how you preferred it – living alone as a woman could be slightly creepy, so all contacts with strangers were to be avoided. Your apartment building had great security, but… better safe than sorry.
Thinking all that, you opened the door without checking if the coast was clear. Since you were already crouched to get the package off the floor, you instantly saw a pair of legs in front of you. Male legs. Someone was standing right outside of your door.
You quickly glanced up, meeting the chocolate eyes.
And then grabbed the doorknob, trying to shut the door. But a swift foot in the doorway prevented you from doing so.
‘Whoa, wait a second, Y/N-ah!’
You still wouldn’t budge, so Baekhyun continued.
‘I know what it must’ve looked like, but let me explain. Please, Y/N. I know I fucked up.’
He tried stealing a glance at your face through the crack on the door, but you turned away.
‘Why should I listen to a single word you say?’
‘Don’t you want to know what really happened?’
Trying to make up your mind, you looked down at the package in your other hand.
‘I’ll need five minutes tops to set the table.’ You announced, letting go of the doorknob and allowing him to follow you inside. ‘Be done till then, I don’t wanna spoil my healthy appetite.’
You said that while walking towards the kitchen to get your food out. Baekhyun put something suspicious on the floor and stepped into the kitchen silently.
Expecting him to start the explanation, you huffed.
‘Your time is going to be up before you know it!’
‘I’m sorry.’ He said, voice heavy with guilt. ‘I’m sorry if I made you upset. I know we agreed that I’d stay in touch, and I didn’t. But I promise you I didn’t disappear on purpose.’
You began taking out containers of food from your delivery.
‘My phone was handed in the entire assignment because that base wouldn’t allow any devices inside but our pre-approved laptops. I was planning to text you as soon as I arrived at my family home because when I received my phone back it was dead.’
Listening to him talk, you avoided looking his way. You wanted to process his words without any additional… distractions. It was time to be rational; meeting his warm, guilty gaze again would cost you half of your battle spirit.
‘I left it to charge as soon as I got home, but…’
He made a big, almost theatrical pause.
‘But?’ You nudged, wishing to know the truth.
‘I don’t know how to say this… Uh- Siwoo wanted to take a picture of something outside just to be playful and accidentally dropped it out the window.’
It was your turn to pause. Was he kidding you with that story?? You couldn’t believe he was trying to blame all of this on a child.
Your thoughts must’ve displayed clearly on your face, so he fished his phone out of his back pocket.
It was brand new. It was evident that the model was upgraded, and the color was different, too.
‘I restored the photos from the cloud, I can show you the picture he too—’
The shiny new device was proof enough for you, and you weren’t willing to have him provide you with further evidence of his innocence. Nevertheless, you wanted to make sure he was genuine in his apology.
‘Why couldn’t you at least call our building and ask them to give me a message?’
He stood there, stupefied, for what seemed like an eternity before his expression turned into a sheepish grin.
‘I could’ve… done that?’ He mumbled, scratching the back of his head.
Clearly, the thought had never crossed his mind.
You rolled your eyes and turned to the kitchen counter. The table was set, and you only needed to get the plates. The prettier ones were reserved for the rare occasions when you had guests, so you had to reach for them.
‘Y/N…’ Baekhyun whined, sounding uncharacteristically childish in his desperation. ‘I also brought you an ‘I’m sorry’ present…’
Hearing this made you snap.
‘Why would you do that? It’s not like we’re dating!’
He was taken aback by your words.
‘What do you mean we’re not?’ He asked, completely bewildered. ‘Are you seeing someone else?’
‘No, but-’ It was your turn to mumble. ‘You never asked me…’
Baekhyun looked at you as if you were crazy. Then, his frown transformed into something else.
‘Oh god, Y/N…’ He sighed, leaning on the counter behind you with one hand. ‘I thought it was obvious. I was serious about you from the very beginning, but if you want me to say it, I will say it.’
You waited for him to finish.
‘Please be informed that I’ve considered you my girlfriend this entire time. And I know I fucked up, so… are you gonna break up with me?’
‘I’m debating it,’ you responded gruffly.
‘Y/N-ah,’ He pressed, still hovering over you while his arm inched closer and closer to your frame. ‘I’ll do anything you want to make it up to you.’
Taking in his hopeful eyes, you pointed to the kitchen cabinet.
‘I need plates.’
Following the direction of your index finger, Baekhyun looked up. He reached over you, almost hugging you with one arm, and gave you what you wanted.
‘Thank you.’
He perked up, a question in his eyes. ‘What now?’
Although you were still grumpy, your heart was beginning to warm up to him. So easily.
‘Go sit at the table. I’m hungry.’
Baekhyun’s chocolate orbs instantly lit up.
‘Does it mean you forgive me?’
The hopefulness of his tone made your façade crack.
‘You’ve mentioned a goodie bag?’ You squinted at the huge paper bag he left at the door, just to avoid crumbling right in front of him.
Baekhyun smiled cheekily.
‘It’s all yours. Babe.’
You ignored the term of endearment, turning your back on him to hide your warming cheeks.
‘Get yourself another set of chopst—’
Your boyfriend gave you an abrupt back hug.
‘B-Baekhyun?’
‘I really missed you, Y/N-ie.’ He whispered in your ear, nearly busting your eardrum with a kiss. ‘Also, my entire family wants to meet you…’
‘What?? Already?’
‘Mhm. And here you were, thinking we weren’t even dating,’ he snickered. ‘Once I got you, I’m not letting you go.’
‘You are,’ you huffed. ‘Otherwise, you’re standing between me and food. And I got an appetite, you know?’
‘I know.’ His smile tickled your neck pleasantly. ‘It’s one of the many things I love about you.’
It was impossible to turn into mush faster than you did.
Masterlist
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A/N: Okaaaay, we're done with another mini-series!!! Congrats to you and I haha Thank you for following this story till the end <3 And a huge thank you to all of my lovely readers that left their comments to each installment of the series! Ily 💕
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justagalwhowrites · 11 months
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Lavender - Ch. 10
You take Joel and Tommy around the QZ and reconnect while Andrew has misgivings. A continuation of Lavender Ch. 1-9 found on Tumblr here.
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Main pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader
Length: 9.1K (sorryyyyyyyy)
Warnings: Smut :D YES FRIENDS JOEL IS BACK SO WE GET SMUT Oral sex, female receiving; unprotected p in v sex (wrap it up kids); no use of Y/N. Minors, DNI. 18+ only
“You’re not OK.” 
You were staring at the doors where they’d just taken Joel and Tommy. You couldn’t stop watching the doors. 
“Hey.” 
Andrew’s hand went over your shoulder. 
“Yeah?” You said, glancing at him for a moment before looking back at the doors. 
“C’mon,” he said. “We should get you out of here, you’re not OK.” 
You looked up at him. 
“Can I stay with you?” You asked. 
“Sure you don’t want to do your place?” He frowned. “I’ll go there…”
“Yours is closer,” you said.  
“By a block!” 
You shrugged. He sighed. 
“Yeah, my place.” 
He put his arm around you and tucked you against his side, staying mercifully quiet on the walk to his apartment. 
Joel was here. In Boston. He was alive, he’d survived all this time. He was here. Sarah wasn’t. 
“Hey Andrew,” his roommate, Steve, was on the couch, playing a GameBoy. He did a double take when he saw you. “Doc! Haven’t seen you in a bit. Thought you guys were doing better on the codependency thing…” 
“Not the night for it, dude,” Andrew cut him off. 
“No, it’s fine,” you sighed, flopping on an arm chair that you’d help them fix. You’d had to figure out an upholstery needle for that one. “You’re right. I’m just a shit show of a person at the moment.” 
“What happened?” He asked, glancing back at you before going back to the GameBoy. 
“Joel’s here,” Andrew said, putting a glass of whiskey in your hand and sitting on the floor by the couch. 
“Wait what?” Steve turned and stared at you. The GameBoy made a sad sound. “Aw shit, that was my last life…” 
“Sorry,” you said, taking a sip of the liquor. It was bad. You didn’t care. You looked in the direction of the clinic. 
“The fuck did Joel come from?” Steve asked, sitting up and tossing the GameBoy on their gouged coffee table. “Five years and he just appears out of the ether? It’s THE Joel, right? The one you’ve been looking for since the outbreak started?” 
“Yup,” you took another drink. 
“And you’ve seen him,” he said. “It’s not like you heard about him showing up in like… Atlanta or some shit, right?” 
“Oh he’s here,” Andrew said, sounding none too happy about it. You frowned. “In holding at the clinic as we speak, had to pry him off her to get him to go back…” 
“You don’t like him,” you said it more than asked it. Andrew sighed. 
“I don’t not like him,” he said. He was choosing his words carefully. 
“Then what’s the deal?” You asked. “I thought you’d be happy for me.” 
“I’m happy he’s alive,” he shrugged. 
“But?” 
“But,” he sighed, looking up at you, clenching his jaw for a moment. “Look, I talk to a lot more smugglers than you do.” 
“Yeah, I really wish you wouldn’t do that…” you said but he ignored you. 
“I know what people do outside the QZ to get by,” he said. “None of it is good. If he’s made it this long, it’s because he’s done some shit. Bad shit.” 
“What are you saying?” You frowned down at him. 
“I’m saying,” he said slowly. “That the Joel you knew? Is probably long dead. Unless the Joel you knew was a killer. Because the one who showed up here is.” 
“We’re killers, too, Andrew,” you said quietly. “I killed a lot of people to get us here.” 
“You killed infected,” he corrected you. “I killed infected. That’s different, they’re dead men walking then. It’s a mercy killing. That’s not the kind of killing I’m talking about.” 
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” you said, shaking your head. “There’s no way…” 
“He might have been a fucking raider for all we know,” he said. 
“That’s harsh,” Steve said. 
“It’s true,” Andrew replied. “Steve, you deal with smugglers all the time.” 
“I cannot confirm or deny…” he replied but you cut him off. 
“Come on, I work for FEDRA because I have no other options. I’m not a narc,” you rolled your eyes. “I know you buy pot, Steve.” 
“Oh,” he said. “Then yeah, all the fucking time.” 
“And what do they say about the outside?” Andrew asked. “About the people they trade with?” 
“It’s… rough,” he said. “Even the smugglers have to do some shady shit. But that doesn’t mean he’s a raider…” 
“He’s not a raider,” you snapped. “He’d never have put Sarah at risk like that…” 
“Yeah and he showed up without her,” Andrew said. “Something killed her.” 
“Don’t you fucking dare,” you snapped, jumping to your feet so you towered over him from his spot on the floor. “He’d have never done anything to hurt her, never would have let anything happen to her if he could do anything to stop it, he’d have died for that girl if he could have.” 
“Old Joel, sure,” he shrugged, looking you dead in the eye. “You don’t know this Joel, that’s what I’m trying to tell you. It’s been a long five years. For everyone.” 
You sat back down, staying on the edge of the chair and chugging the last of the shitty whiskey. 
“I just don’t trust him with you,” he said, voice gentle. “You’re fragile…” 
“No I’m not,” you snapped. “I’ve survived everything you have.” 
“Emotionally fragile,” he replied. “You’re better than me that way.” 
You snorted. 
“By our powers combined, we’re almost a functioning person,” you joked. He laughed. 
“I’m just saying, I’m worried the guy is going to wreck you,” he said. Steve laughed, Andrew smacked him. “Dude. Not like that.” 
“Sorry,” he was still laughing. “Sorry, Doc!” 
Andrew sighed. 
“You know what I mean,” he said. “And I don’t want you suffering because you went in all open hearted to some guy you don’t actually know.” 
“It’s Joel,” you said softly. He sighed. 
“Yeah, I know it is.” 
The three of you stayed up drinking for a bit, your eyes always drifting back toward the clinic, where Joel was. 
“Alright, come on,” Andrew said eventually, half pulling you out of the chair. “You need to sleep, I know you’ve been going all day today and tomorrow’s going to be rough.” 
“I’m not sure I’m going to be able to sleep,” you said, looking toward the clinic again. 
“There’s nothing you can do for him right now,” he said gently. “And I think we can agree that the Joel you used to know would want you to get some sleep, yeah?” 
“Yeah,” you nodded. 
“Then let’s go.”
You went to his room and got the pajamas out of the half drawer he’d left for you in the dresser. 
“You know, if we’re actually aiming to break the codependency habit, we should probably not leave shit at each other’s apartments,” you said, changing with your backs to each other. 
“We’re doing better than we were five years ago,” he said. 
“A low bar indeed,” you said, getting in bed. He climbed in beside you. “Sorry in advance.” 
“Yeah, I know what I’m getting into,” he said. “You do the same for me. Wake me up if you need it.” 
He held his arms open and you tucked yourself against his chest. 
“Same.” 
There were planes falling from the sky again. You could smell burning jet fuel and the inhuman sound of infected was deafening, so loud you couldn’t move. You just fell to your knees, hands over your ears, screaming to drown out the other sounds. 
“Help!” Sarah was in front of you, wearing the shorts and tank top she’d been in the last time you’d seen her, July five years earlier. You could see the metal of the barrettes in her hair, reflecting the fire as it burned. You reached for her but she was suddenly too far away, so far out of reach. But her voice somehow carried over the screams of the infected. “Help me!” 
“Hey!” Andrew shook you, snapping you back into reality. It took you a moment to figure out where you were. You were hyperventilating. “It’s OK, I’ve got you…” 
“Fuck,” your tense body loosened into the mattress. There were tears in your eyes. “I’m sorry.” 
“Don’t apologize,” he said. “Just breathe through it, you’re OK.” 
You nodded into his chest and did the best you could to obey. 
“What time is it?” You asked. 
“Just after 4:30,” he said. “You did pretty good, all things considered.” 
“Look at me, almost sleeping through the night,” you sniffed. “I’m like an accomplished infant.” 
“I’ve been in worse positions with you,” he said. He kissed the top of your head. “This is just what we do.” 
You stayed in bed until your heart rate returned to normal and got up, only then realizing that you didn’t have much in the way of clothing options at Andrew’s place and you certainly didn’t keep the things you liked the best there. It was a stupid thing to be worried about, but you wanted Joel to think you looked good. You wanted to feel like you looked good when you were with him. 
“Want to go back to your place real quick?” Andrew asked, leaning against his doorway. Like he could read your mind. At this point, he probably could. 
“No,” you said, putting on the shirt you had there. “I want to get to the clinic.” 
He sighed but went with you. 
“You’re going to be real early for work if you show up now,” you teased him, trying to focus on anything even slightly normal. 
“I know, it’s a change of habit,” he half smiled at you. “Aren’t you usually making excuses for me?” 
“We all just expect it now,” you shrugged. “You’re lucky I’m such an amazing doctor, they want to keep me sane so they’re stuck with you and your shit.” 
“Should really abuse that connection as long as possible,” he nodded solemnly. “Pretty much the only reason I keep you around, only a matter of time before you get wise.” 
You got to the clinic and he unlocked the front door, no other doctors there yet. 
“You can’t get him for an hour,” he said, leaning against the front counter. “They picked them up at 6 p.m., Lee and Elias won’t let you fudge the waiting period…” 
“Yeah, I know,” you sighed. “But I wanted to be here.” 
You were starting to wonder why you’d ever left the clinic at all. It felt better here, being in closer proximity. You couldn’t see Joel but you knew he wasn’t far, close enough that you could be to him in just a moment if it wasn’t for the walls and guards between you and the holding rooms. You could breathe easier knowing he was close, knowing you were going to touch him again in just a little while. That this was as close to him as you could get and you’d done what you could to be there. 
“C’mon,” he jerked his head and led you down to the doors for the holding rooms. You frowned but he just sat beside them and patted the floor next to him. “My lap’s a good pillow. Try to get some more sleep.” 
“You’re lap’s a shit pillow, actually,” you snorted but sat down beside him, anyway. “You’ve put on too much muscle, you need some pudge. You’re too hard.” 
Your head went into his lap anyway. He ran his fingers through your hair. 
“Bake for me more and we’ll see what happens on the pudge front,” he replied. 
You did manage to drift off for a few minutes, Andrew’s easy breathing and his hand in your hair making you feel secure enough to sleep again. But yelling from the other side of the door woke you up. 
You shot up with a jolt. 
“No,” you breathed, jumping to your feet and yanking on the doors. You knew they would be locked, you couldn’t get into the holding area without a security escort. You kept pulling anyway before you started beating on them. “Let me back! Let me back!” 
Andrew pulled you back and you fought to rip yourself away from him. 
“If he turned, you don’t want to see that,” he said, his arms caging you in. “If he’s turned, there’s nothing you can do…” 
“He’s not dying alone!” You sobbed, straining and reaching for the doors. “I don’t care if he’s turned he’s not dying alone!” 
The doors opened, a guard looking you over. 
“Friends of yours in there, Doc?” He asked. You nodded. “They’re pretty demanding, wanting to see you.” 
“So they didn’t turn?” You asked, going still. 
“Just as healthy as they were when they went in,” he replied. You went limp in Andrew’s arms, relieved. The guard sighed. “They’ve only got half an hour left, want to come sit with them? On this side of the bars, can’t let you back further.” 
You couldn’t seem to find your voice so you just nodded as fast as you could. Andrew released you and you all but ran into the holding area. 
It wasn’t a place you knew all that well, always escorted on the occasions you needed to come back and euthanize someone who came in infected but still lucid. You hated this place, hated being in there, hated that it seemed to reek of death even though you knew it was clean and sanitized. 
Joel was… loud. His voice carried and you were able to follow it easily, running full tilt until you found where he was. They were in separate cells and there was another set of bars separating the passage between the cells and where you were. Tommy noticed you first. 
“I don’t give a shit,” Joel was yelling.”I need to see her, I need to see her right now…” 
“Hey Kid,” he smiled sheepishly from the holding cell across from his brother. 
You gave him a quick smile as Joel realized you were there. His eyes ranged over you, like he was reassuring himself that you were alive. 
“Hey, Tommy,” you said. You weren’t looking at him. “Hey, Joel.” 
“He make enough noise that they went and woke you up?” Tommy asked. You still didn’t look at him but you shook your head. 
“Couldn’t sleep,” you replied. “Figured I’d just come here. I was going to just sit in the clinic but…” 
“Everything OK?” Andrew asked. It was almost reassuring that he hadn’t felt the need to run with you. Almost. 
“Yup,” you nodded once.
“My brother was just causing a scene,” Tommy said, giving him a wave. “I’m Tommy, by the way. That’s Joel. Seems like you’re a… friend of the Kid’s.” 
“The Kid’s?” You could hear Andrew’s frown. 
“What they called me back in the day,” you glanced back toward him. You were right, he was frowning. You looked back toward Joel and smiled a little. “Ten years ago now.” You realized that you hadn’t introduced anyone to someone else in… well, years. “Sorry, this is Andrew.” 
When he didn’t say anything you looked back at him, giving him a look. He sighed and raised a hand. 
“Hi,” he said, tone flat. You rolled your eyes and looked back to Joel. He was pretty much the only place you wanted to look. 
“There’s a lot you have to do when coming into the QZ,” you said after a moment of awkward silence. “I’m going to take you guys through it today, get you housing, into the system to find work, that sort of thing…”
“Gonna be weird to be in a system again,” Tommy joked. You glanced at him. He was watching Joel, closely. Trying to get him to engage. “Course starting out behind bars oughta kick start that process for me.”
“God, I bet,” you said, talking more to Tommy but glancing at Joel. “Should be old hat for you now. I pretty much went from one system to another but hey nothing was as bad as when I was trying to get into that one 400-level bio class my senior year. Remember that, Joel? I had to be on campus at 6 a.m. on registration day so I could get one of the slots? I made you take me so I wouldn’t have to park…” 
“You didn’t make me do anything,” he said, rolling his eyes. “I volunteered. Got to spend the morning with you, worth losing a little sleep.” 
You smiled. Andrew was wrong. Your Joel was still in there. He always would be. 
***
Joel hadn’t slept for shit. The dreams woke him up early. He’d dreamed of you dying before - more times than he cared to count, more times than he cared to think of. It had been a foregone conclusion then. He had the idea that he would have felt it when you died, sensed it somehow. He’d just… know. And he’d felt that way. The day after the outbreak, he’d felt it. 
He stopped looking for you then. Couldn’t handle it, having it confirmed on the off chance he ever found something leading to you. Not that there was any kind of record keeping in the apocalypse but he lived in fear of one day finding out that you’d been infected, that someone had hurt you before they killed you. 
But the lack of knowing left room for his mind to concoct the worst outcomes. You, torn to pieces by infected. You, shot and left to bleed out after your supplies were stolen. You, taken as a commodity by the kinds of men who grabbed power when things went to shit, killed when you were no longer useful. His unconscious mind had filled in every blank except one: you, alive. 
Now that he knew you were, the dreams were a different form of hell. They weren’t images of what had happened, things he couldn’t change no matter how much he wanted to. Instead they were fates that could befall you, things he desperately needed to protect you from. When the dreams woke him up this time, he couldn’t handle it. He had to see you. Confirm that you were alive, whole. And they were keeping him from you. 
He tried to keep it down for Tommy. He tried to ask nicely. It got him nowhere. It felt like he was going to lose his mind if he couldn’t just see you, just for a second, just to confirm that you were OK. The relief when saw you was acute, sharp. Like someone had healed a gaping knife wound in his chest. It took him a moment to even hear what you were saying. 
You kept looking at him, like you needed to see him, too. Only ever pulling your eyes away to glance at Tommy or sometimes the man who’d come in with you. Joel knew he’d heard his name but he hadn’t remembered it. He was just thankful he seemed to be keeping his fucking hands to himself. 
“Alright, step back guys,” the guard snapped Joel out of his own head, stepping forward with keys. He immediately obeyed. He started with Tommy first - probably punishment for Joel’s yelling overnight - and then moved to Joel. You were there, just one more set of bars between you. It seemed like unlocking that last fucking door took hours when he knew it had only been a moment and then he was holding you again. 
You somehow still smelled like lavender. It didn’t make sense, how the fuck did you smell like flowers in the apocalypse? Maybe he hadn’t found you. Maybe he’d finally lost his mind and he was hallucinating in a ditch somewhere. He didn’t fucking care. You were soft and warm and smelled like you and your arms were so tight around him he couldn’t take a full breath and he didn’t care about that either. 
“Can we get the fuck out of here?” Your… whatever he was said. “I hate it back here.” 
You nodded against Joel’s chest before you realized that you’d probably have to speak to answer him. 
“Yeah,” you said. Your voice was muffled by his shirt. “Let’s go.” 
You hand slipped into his as you separated from him, as though touching him was the most natural thing in the world, and you followed your friend out of the clinic. 
It was still dark outside, the city quiet. 
“Welcome to the Boston QZ,” you smiled a little, looking up at Joel. “Your luxury accommodations for the end of the world.” 
Tommy laughed. Joel smiled. You’d kept your sense of humor. 
“Truly the finest,” your friend was walking backwards so he could look at you. Joel narrowed his eyes at him. “Ration cards, FEDRA housing, a black market that occasionally has AC/DC albums. We have it all.” 
“You hid my Beatles CD at the clinic, I know you did,” you said, tone accusing but light. 
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he tried to look innocent. “I do know that the next time you’re going into surgery and you just absolutely need ‘Hey Jude’ to get through it, it will magically appear.” 
“You’re the worst person,” you smiled as you said it. “Just a kick in the balls personified.”
“How would you even know!” 
“It was a very important part of my training,” you said seriously. “Studied ball kicking very intensely…” 
“You’re ridiculous.” 
You stopped at a side street and your friend frowned. 
“I know you’re tired,” you said. 
“So.” 
“Don’t need an escort, Andrew.” 
Andrew. Joel tried to remember it this time.  
He glanced quickly at Joel then looked back to you. 
“You know why…” 
“And I’m saying I know that’s not a concern,” you cut him off. “I don’t need you to protect me.” 
“Yeah, well, maybe you do,” he replied. “Maybe I know better than you here.” 
“Andrew.” 
He sighed. 
“I’m checking on you later,” he said, pulling you into a hug and kissing your temple. Your hand stayed in Joel’s. He lowered his voice but Joel could still hear him. “Remember what I said. He’s not…” 
“I’ll be fine,” you looked up at him. He quickly glanced to Joel, kissed your temple again, and left. You watched him go for a moment. 
“Sorry about that,” you said brightly. “Andrew’s paranoid. Course I’m paranoid with him too so I guess it’s only fair… anyway, stop one on our tour is going to be my apartment. We can grab something to eat and I can get a few things to make getting you set up easier.” 
You led them another block to a building that had probably once been luxury apartments but those days were long passed. Your place was on the third floor and Joel liked that there were two deadbolts on your door. 
“Sorry, it’s pretty small…” you opened the door for them and turned on the lights. It was small, even by city standards. All one room, your bed against one wall with a small couch at the foot of it. A two seat table just off the kitchen that only had one stretch of counter. What little extra space there was was filled with shelves covered in books and CDs. “I never have more than one person over at a time but you guys take the table, I’ll see what I have here. Unfortunately Whataburger died with the rest of civilization and it never made it this far north to begin with so we’ll just have to make do with what I’ve got.” 
You opened a tin - one you’d painted because of course you had - and put it on the table. Tommy all but dove into it, grabbing an oatmeal cookie and taking a bite, moaning as he did. 
“Fuck, Kid, you still make a mean cookie,” he said, sitting back in his chair. You smiled.
“You just haven’t had cookies in a while,” you said. “Imagine if you could just get a fucking Oreo now?” 
“Yours are still better,” he shrugged. Joel took one, too, looking at it for a second. He hadn’t had anything like this in so long - and nothing of yours in even longer. He took a bite, absorbing it for a moment. Tommy was right. You still made fucking delicious cookies. He watched as you rifled through your tiny kitchen, pulling things out, frowning, considering them, setting them on the counter. You were still… you. He didn’t understand it. How were you still you? After everything that had happened to the world, you’d remained intact. 
“So first lesson in QZ foodstuffs,” you said, setting a few things out on the table. “Lots of shit that’s been preserved. Jerky is, unfortunately, your most reliable source of protein. We get the fresh stuff from time to time but it’s pricy. Andrew’s roommate Steve gets it the most but he usually asks me to cook it because they were teenage boys during the outbreak and couldn’t cook a steak if their lives depended on it…” You shook your head and smiled a little and then blushed. “Sorry, I’m rambling, I just haven’t talked to… Anyway! Dried fruit, I’ve still got some bread left from what I made the other day and there’s coffee. The coffee is pretty rough, fair warning, the beans are all like five years old.” 
You poured them each a cup, grabbed a slice of bread and went and sat on your small couch. Joel frowned, taking a piece of jerky and his coffee and sitting next to you. You just raised your eyebrows at him but didn’t question when he put his arm on the back of the couch and you slid into your place against him, head on his chest. He put his arm around you. This was better. 
“So how’s the ration card thing work?” Tommy asked after a moment of looking between the two of you. 
“They’ve basically just replaced money at this point,” you shrugged, still tucked against Joel’s side. He could feel you breathing. “I think they were intended to work differently than that - I was only in some of those discussions. I helped Dr. Elias set up the medical facilities here at first so I know a lot more about that. Even though that’s devolved a bit, too. I’ve tried to keep the better things going as I can but we’re reliant on what we can get from FEDRA out of Atlanta when it comes to medications and supplies. Originally, ration cards were intended to make it so everyone had enough and no one took too much but of course human nature took hold. I work a lot - don’t exactly have much else going on in my life - and it’s just me, so I’ve got a bit of a stash built up. We can use that to help make sure you guys get set up in a decent place, have food to get you going, that sort of thing.” 
“We can’t have you wasting your money on us,” Tommy tried to wave you off but you scoffed. “The fuck else am I supposed to use it on?” You rolled your eyes. “I’d rather them go to something good than sit with me forever.” 
After breakfast, you made Joel get off the couch and moved it slightly, prying up a floorboard below it. You pulled out an old shoebox and grabbed a few handfuls of cards from it, tucking them into a small bag. 
“Trusting you guys with the location of my secret stash,” you teased. “Don’t go clearing me out now.” 
You looked between them for a moment before something seemed to occur to you. 
“Oh, duh,” you shook your head. “I don’t think I have much here that would fit either of you - Andrew’s a bit on the skinny side - but did you want to shower real quick? We can always come back later, after we get you some clean clothes and whatnot but if you want to clean up now, too…” 
“Later’s fine,” Joel said quickly. He wasn’t sure he could handle being somewhat alone with you in your small apartment while Tommy got cleaned up. Not yet. Not if Andrew had clothes at your place. 
“Then on to the next adventure,” you smiled and led the way. 
You took them through the city, pointing out various landmarks and things of note (“That’s the speakeasy. Technically illegal but FEDRA officers are in there as often as anyone else, really the only safe spot for a drink in town.” “That’s where you go to find work until you can get something steady.” “Market’s here, use ration cards to get what you need…”). Your fingers were always laced with Joel’s. It seemed like everyone there knew you. Everywhere you stopped, someone said hi. Everyone called you Doc, like that was your name. Except one older man who made you practically jump out of your skin when you saw him. 
“Abe!” You called out, waving your arm up high. He spotted you and you started pulling Joel along behind you to meet him. 
“Sweets!” He pulled you in for a quick hug before looking Joel up and down. “Who’s this?” 
“It’s Joel and Tommy,” you smiled so huge your face shone with it. Abe’s eyes went wide. 
“Oh, Sweets,” he hugged you again. Your hand stayed in Joel’s. “I’m so happy for you. How’d you find them?”
“They showed up yesterday evening,” you were still smiling. “I knew they would turn up eventually…” 
“You did,” Abe stepped back from you, lifting your chin with his fingers, smiling affectionately at you. “Just goes to show you shouldn’t listen to an old man like me.” 
He looked at Joel at Tommy for a moment, like he was looking at ghosts, before looking back to you. 
“Take it I won’t be seeing you tomorrow then?” He asked, half smiling. 
“Hey, I said I’d bring you muffins,” you replied. “They just might be a few days late.” 
“You’ve fattened me up enough,” he hugged you tightly. “How about I just see you around. I’m so happy for you, sweetheart.” 
You watched him go for a second before turning back to Joel and Tommy. 
“I’m so sorry, I am so bad at introducing people now,” you shook your head. “I’ve just known everyone for years… That was Abe. He’s the radio operator here. It’s underground, goes to the other QZs but FEDRA turns a pretty blind eye. I’ve been his most regular customer for the last five years.” 
“Why?” Tommy frowned. “Why’d he seem to know us?” 
“I’ve been looking for you,” you replied, starting off again. “I figured if anyone was going to make it out alive, you guys were. And I didn’t think you’d go to a QZ until you either absolutely had to or you decided life outside the QZ wasn’t worth the trouble and you decided to give it a shot on the inside. I knew you’d turn up eventually. So Abe’s been radioing all the other QZs for me twice a week every week to see if you’d turned up.” 
Joel roughly pulled you into his chest, breathing in your hair. You hesitated for a moment before wrapping your arms around his waist. 
“You OK?” You asked, voice muffled. 
“Yeah,” he said. “Got you.” 
He could barely pay attention to anything else that happened. You hadn’t given up on him. You’d been searching, calling around, trying to track him down, certain that he was alive somewhere. You hadn’t given up on him. He’d just given up on you. 
Five years. Five fucking years you’d been almost exactly where he’d told you to go. Had he just gone where he’d said he’d go, he’d have tried Boston almost immediately. And he’d have found you. He could have been with you the last half a decade and instead he’d been wandering the wasteland that had been the United States, finding places to lay low, killing whoever he needed to for supplies, justifying it with survival. And you’d been here, searching for him. 
There were a few changes about you he noticed as you helped them through the process of getting set up in the QZ. One was, you’d become a deft negotiator. You were still you about it - never cold or cruel, all kindness and sweetness as you bartered, leveraging your personality and skills in the process - but it was strange to see you go back and forth with the housing person to try to get them what you thought was a suitable place. You did it, though, counting out the ration cards in your bag and passing them over with a kind smile. 
You did something similar at the clothing shop, chatting with the woman who was putting out new stock to get her to point out where the better stuff was and asking after the cashier’s child (“How’s that incision looking? Still holding food down OK? Need me to come by and check up on him?”) She gave you a discount and you told her to just come by the clinic if she changed her mind about her son, that you’d be happy to make a house call. 
Five years you’d been here and you’d built yourself a life. You somehow managed to have everyone you met wrapped around your finger. It was the end of the fucking world and you’d made everyone fall in love with you. Of course you had. You’d stayed sweet and soft and kind through it all and Joel couldn’t understand it. 
You stopped by the market on the way home and picked up a few things to make dinner and told Tommy and Joel to get cleaned up while you cooked. Joel went first, he needed to try to get his head right before being alone with you. He didn’t know how he was going to handle it, didn’t know what the deal was with you and Andrew, didn’t know what to want from you - what it was OK to want from you. 
He put on the clean clothes and looked in the mirror at himself for a moment. Could you still want him now? Was that even a possibility? Should he just thank you for your help, go to his new apartment with his brother, and try to forget you? He didn’t know. 
You were in the kitchen when he came out. There was a Fleetwood Mac album on and you were unconsciously bobbing your head in time to the music. Tommy gave Joel a look on his way to the bathroom, a look that said ‘don’t fuck this up you absolute idiot.’ Joel just shrugged at him. You glanced behind you. 
“I’m afraid I can’t promise you anything too fancy,” you smiled a little. “But I do have some beer if you want?” 
“Beer is good,” Joel nodded. You nodded back, sucking something off your thumb before going to the fridge. The beer was in large jars and you poured two glasses of it, handing one to Joel and taking a sip of your own before putting a baking dish in the oven. You busied yourself cleaning up the kitchen and Joel took a moment to look around your place. 
“You still have the quilt,” he said, looking down at the bed. 
“Oh,” you glanced at him, giving him a half smile. “Yeah. When I was packing a bag that night, I had some space and I really wanted to keep it if I could… turns out, it survived the trip.” 
You’d had to patch it a few times over the years, some of the small purple flowers much brighter than the others. 
“My mom made it,” you said, rinsing a measuring cup. “When she was pregnant with me. It’s the only thing I have of her, the only sign I have that she thought I might have been worth the trouble at some point, even if it was just for a bit. I didn’t want to leave it behind.” 
He looked at you for a moment. 
“It was her loss, Kid,” he said softly. You just shrugged. He went back to looking around your place, freezing at the photo on your nightstand. 
It was framed - you’d painted it, flowers over the gouges in the wood - and Sarah stared back at him. His heart was pounding. He picked it up slowly, almost in a daze. 
He hadn’t seen her face in years. You’d taken the photo on your hiking trip, just over a year before the outbreak. It was slightly off center. You were the only one looking at the camera. Sarah was looking at you, smiling, and Joel was looking at her. You looked like a family. You’d been a family. It was how it was supposed to be. 
His eyes traced the planes of her face, trying to make sure he remembered everything right. Just where her freckles lay, the way her eyelashes fanned out, the few curls around her temples that were a bit more unruly than the others. 
“Oh, Jesus,” you dropped whatever you’d been cleaning. “Shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t think about that, I should have put that away…” 
“Where’d…” he asked, still looking at the picture. 
“I grabbed a few photos as I was packing,” you said quietly. “I have a few of the three of us, one or two of me and Nan, one of me and Becca… I had a feeling I wouldn’t be back so I wanted to make sure I had them.” 
You were quiet for a moment. 
“You can have that one,” you said. “Or one of the others. All the others, if you want. I’m in them, too, but they have… I’m guessing you don’t…” 
“Didn’t grab anything,” he said, setting the photo back down. “It was too hectic. Was just tryin’ to get the fuck out.” 
“I was only able to take stuff because of you,” you said softly, looking down at the ground for a moment before looking up at him. “I’m only alive because of you.” 
The water turned off in the shower. You went back to cleaning up. 
Dinner was surprisingly good. Joel wasn’t sure how you’d turned mostly canned stuff into something good but you had. It probably helped that he and Tommy had been living on shit or anything they could hunt for a while - wasn’t like they had fucking garlic lying around - but it would have been good regardless. 
Tommy was kind enough to keep the conversation going through dinner, asking you questions that had run through Joel’s mind but he hadn’t been able to make himself say it. Like how you’d come to be known as doc. He had an odd moment of pride, hearing how you’d persevered and done what you’d dreamed of doing in the midst of it all. You said you also taught at the FEDRA school during the day before going and working in the clinic at night. The school was understanding when you got pulled away for emergencies - apparently mass casualty incidents happened in QZs, too - and it sounded like you enjoyed the odd balance you’d been able to strike between educator and medical professional. He didn’t, however, ask about Andrew. 
“Well, Kid, I think you’ve spoiled me enough for one day,” Tommy patted his stomach. You smiled. 
“Happy to have the chance to do it,” you said. 
“I think I’ll leave you two to get reacquainted… go start settling in to the new place,” he got up and clapped Joel on the shoulder. 
“If you need anything, you know where to find me,” you smiled. “Seriously, any time. I want to help. I’m happy to help.” 
“Thanks, Kid,” he smiled before looking at his brother. “Joel.” He gave him a nod and then left. You watched him go for a second before taking a sip of beer. 
“You’ve done well for yourself here,” Joel said after a moment of awkward silence. “Better than just survivin’.” 
“Thanks,” you smiled a little. “Figured if I was stuck living through the end of the world, I should do what I can with it, right?” 
“Suppose so,” he half smiled back. He took another drink of beer. 
“Joel,” you sighed after a moment. “I should apologize for what I said yesterday.” 
He frowned. 
“What d’you mean?” 
“Before I left for the night,” you weren’t looking at him, you were staring down at your empty plate. “When I said I loved you… I shouldn’t have said that and I’m sorry. I understand that it’s been a long time, a lot has happened, we weren’t even together when…” 
“Don’t apologize for that,” he cut you off. Your eyes met his. “I… liked hearin’ it.” 
“I just don’t want you to feel remotely obligated to me,” you said. “Not in any way. You don’t need to even be my friend if you don’t want to. I’ll still help you guys get settled, you can even consider it payment for saving my life when the world came crashing down if that makes it better…” 
“I just don’t want to disrupt your life, Kid,” he said, sitting back in his chair. Fuck, you were pretty. “You’ve got a life here. An actual life. You’ve got a career doing something you love, you’ve got people, you’ve got Andrew… I don’t want to fuck it up for you.” 
“You won’t.” 
“Not sure Andrew agrees with that,” he said, grinding his teeth a bit. He thought of Andrew touching you, the way he held you, kissed your head, they way he must kiss other parts of you… 
“Andrew’s being a jackass,” you waved him off. “He’ll come around.” 
“How long have you two…” he trailed off. You frowned. 
“We met during the outbreak,” you said. “Made it to the QZ together…” 
“Is that when…” 
You looked at him, head cocked, confused. It took you a moment to catch up and you laughed, hard. 
“What?” He asked, his turn to be confused now. 
“No, I’m sorry,” you caught your breath. “I’m sorry, I’m still not used to being around people I’m not already around all the time… No, Andrew is not my boyfriend.” 
Joel must not have looked convinced because you kept going. 
“I forget that it must seem odd for people who don’t know us,” you sank back in your chair, beer in hand. “But we’re much more like siblings than anything else. He was 18 when the outbreak happened, I found him in the woods on his own with a broken arm a few days after I left home. I set his arm and he traveled with us. We kept each other alive, saw each other through the absolute worst of it. I’d be dead on the side of the road somewhere in New York State if it wasn’t for him and he’d probably be infected if it weren’t for me. But by the time we got to Boston, we’d gotten so used to needing each other to survive, one of us couldn’t really function without the other. Took a few months before we could sleep apart. We got separate places when the QZ was really getting set up because we realized how we were living probably wasn’t healthy, but we kept doing it, anyway. But no, not the least bit romantic. Or physical. At least, not in that way. We still sleep in the same bed when one of us is overwhelmed or just has a hard day, it’s the only way we can really function. I stayed with him last night, actually. It’s the only reason I slept at all. He’s just… who I have. And I’m who he has. We get each other. We need each other. It’s a bit codependent but…” 
Joel nodded slowly. He got it, in a way. He and Tommy had barely spent 10 minutes apart over the last five years. He had no idea how he’d handle being apart for a day. Even here, he’d be worried about him. Thinking he needed to keep him alive, at least for a while. 
“So do you have… anyone else?” He asked. 
“Are you asking if I have a boyfriend?” Your eyebrows were raised. He just nodded once. You have him a small half smile. 
“No,” you said. “No boyfriends. Been hung up on this ex of mine for a while. Doesn’t make for a great dating life…” 
“Sounds like a fuckin’ fool for letting you go,” he replied.
You shrugged. 
“Well the end of the world kind of happened in there,” you said. “Think he gets a pass.”
He watched you across the table, your hair loose around your face, lips full. It’s not that he hadn’t been with other women since you. He had. If there was someone willing and he had the urge, he wasn’t about to say no. Getting lost in someone else for a bit was one of the few things that made existence worth it anymore. But it had been years since it had been anything but a fleeting escape. It had been since you. 
“Can I get you another beer?” You nodded to his nearly empty glass. He just gave you a nod and you refilled both glasses, moving to your small couch. The Fleetwood Mac album had started over. You gave Joel his glass but walked past him and sat on your couch, one leg crossed over the other. 
“Why do I feel like you’re trying to get me on your couch?” He asked, his eyes roaming over you. You shrugged.
“No one’s making you do a damn thing, Miller.”
He moved to the couch. You are stayed on your side of it, sipping your beer, seemingly happy to just have him close. He reached out and tucked your hair behind your ear, exposing your neck. There were white scars down the side of your throat to your shoulder. He frowned, tracing them. 
“What happened here?” He asked quietly. You set your beer on the small table in front of the couch and glanced at him. 
“That happened a few minutes after the last time we spoke,” you fidgeted with the seam on your jeans. “Nan had turned, pinned me down in my room as I finished getting packed. I’d already grabbed the shotgun thankfully, I had to shoot her to get away.” 
“Oh Baby,” he said softly, pulling you against his chest. You melted into him. “I’m so sorry.” 
You shrugged but pressed yourself closer to him. He enveloped you. You fit against him the same way you always had, like you belonged there. As though he’d been designed to hold you, protect you. But he’d failed at that. You looked up at him. 
“I’m sure we both did a lot of things we aren’t happy with or proud of to get here,” you said quietly. “I wouldn’t have been able to shoot her if not for you. If you’d never called that night, I’d never have gotten the gun. I wouldn’t have known what was happening. I wouldn’t have been able to bring myself to hurt her if I hadn’t been trying to get to you. But you got me here. I’m alive because of you and Andrew. I don’t care what you did to get here, Joel. Only that you got here.” 
He kissed you then, your lips soft and sweet on his. You stretched into his kiss and his tongue dipped into your mouth as he held your body close to his own. His grip grew firmer and your body shifted to align with his, him laying you beneath him, covering you with him. He pulled away from you slightly, searching your eyes. 
“You’ll tell me if I do anything you don’t want,” he said, already breathless. You nodded but bit your lip. “What is it? I can stop, I can go…” 
“No!” You said quickly, eyes going wide. “No, please don’t, I’m just… out of practice. It’s been… a while.” 
He frowned. 
“How long?” 
You blushed a bit.
“Since 2003?” You said it like a question more than an answer. He tried to hide his surprise and brushed your hair back. 
“I’d like to change that,” he said softly. “If you’ll let me.” 
You nodded quickly and his mouth was back against yours. 
He had to fight to go slow with you. It had been so long since he’d been with someone he cared about, so long since he’d wanted someone like he wanted you. But he traced the contours of your body, getting to know you again, what parts of you made you melt into him, what parts made you freeze for a moment. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know what caused those moments. He kissed you softly, deeply. It was like coming home, like the world hadn’t ended, like he hadn’t been stupid enough to leave you to begin with. He was right where he was always supposed to be. 
You pulled at his shirt and he took it off. Your fingers ran over his chest, tracing the new scars he’d collected over his years dodging infected and humans alike. You kissed each one gently, your lips staying against each spot on his skin for a moment. 
His fingers found the hem of your shirt. 
“Can I?” He asked. You just nodded. He pulled it up and away, tossing it somewhere near his. You had scars, too. One on your shoulder looked particularly bad. He kissed it before tracing it with his thumb. 
“Bullet graze,” you said softly, sadly. “On my birthday in 03.” 
He kissed it again, his mouth moving down over your shoulder to your breasts, tracing your cleavage with his lips. He reached around behind you, your back arching into him, and he unhooked your bra before gently sliding it off. His memory hadn’t done you justice, you were so much more beautiful than his mind seemed capable of containing. He touched you softly, relearning how your breasts filled his hands, the way your nipples peaked against him. He took one into his mouth, sucking you, holding you as you moaned and ground your hips against his torso. He smiled as he trailed kisses over your chest to your other nipple, sucking you there, too. 
His hands traced over your body, down to your pants. He opened them, kissing back up your chest to your mouth before looking in your eyes. You just nodded and he pulled your jeans and panties down your legs, lifting from you just enough to leave the last of your clothes on the floor. 
He went back to his place between your legs, kissing down your stomach until he reached your slit. Your breath caught and he pressed his lips to your clit, his tongue slipping between to gently tease you until he felt you take a shaky breath against him. 
Joel dipped his tongue into you, tasting you, opening you to him. You moaned, hips working against his face and he smiled against you. He’d forgotten just how damn good it felt to give you pleasure, to make you lose yourself to him. 
He slipped a finger inside you as he sucked your clit, curving it into the place he still knew made you melt and he felt you tighten around him. 
“Joel,” you whimpered and fuck he’d forgotten how good his name sounded on your tongue when you were about to cum. He added a finger, sucked you harder, worked you until he felt you flutter around his fingers, a choking moan slipping from you. 
He’d also forgotten what it was like to be desperate for someone. To want to be inside you so badly he’d shed his skin just for the chance to be inside yours. He was breathless with it, it felt like he’d die for wanting you if he couldn’t have you. Couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this hard, the last time his whole body ached with need.
You were still coming down from your orgasm when he took off his pants and underwear, leaving them on your floor. Your body was pliant as you panted for breath below him. He ran his fingers over your slit, slick and wanting, collecting your wetness and coating himself in you. He notched his head at your entrance and you moaned, reaching for him. 
“Joel,” you keened. “Please, I need…” 
“I know Baby,” he said softly, sinking into you as you gasped. He could only gain a few inches, you were almost impossibly tight around him. You moaned, rocking your hips against him and he almost collapsed against you. “Just let me inside you Baby, just relax and let me inside you…” 
You whimpered, all but incoherent, and he took you by the hips, holding your in place as he worked his way deeper into you, opening your body to him until he was fully inside you. 
This he hadn’t forgotten. He’d sometimes lived in the memory of just how you felt around him, how you felt like two halves of the same whole, how it seemed like you’d been made for him. It was the only justification he could find for anything feeling quite as good, quite as right, as being inside you. His head fell to your chest and he panted for breath, desperate to move but desperate to never pull back from you. 
“Fuck, Joel,” you were gasping, your fingers in his hair. “God, I missed you. I missed you so much, I love…” 
He cut you off with a kiss, pulling himself back from you just enough to thrust forward again, pushing all the way inside you with every stroke, needing to be fully inside you as much as he could. 
“Wrap your legs around me,” he ordered and you rushed to obey. He picked you up - buried deep inside you - and moved you to your bed. His movements became harder, more insistent, your body tightening around him with every stroke. 
“Joel,” you moaned. He wasn’t sure you were even fully aware of what you were saying, your fingers digging into his back, your pussy tightening around him. “Please, need to feel you…” 
He kissed you again, pressing into you harder, moving faster until he felt you start to come undone around him and he emptied himself into you, gasping for breath and all but collapsing on top of you. He held himself inside you, both unwilling and unable to move, you feeling too good to ever want to leave. You held him as your breathing eased, your body lax beneath his. 
For the first time in more than five years, it felt like he was home. 
A/N: Sorry for the delay in getting this posted! I've been on vacation this week trying really hard to pay attention to my husband and NOT fictional men. This chapter written in part in a poolside cabana on my cell phone this afternoon :)
Now y'all. This chapter has a happy ending and I need you to know... it's not the HEA yet. THERE'S SO MUCH MORE DRAMA COMING GUYS. So much more for them to work through and so much more to have happen - we haven't even met Tess or Ellie yet. But we gotta have little pops of happy in here, right?
As always, thanks so much for reading, reflagging and commenting, I love you all!
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beanghostprincess · 5 months
Note
What’s so fascinating about shuggy that makes you go this wild? Aren’t shanks completely over this guy? And buggy just bitter? Am I interpreting it wrong?
I'm not gonna ask whether you want the short or the long version, because I'm gonna give you the longest, gayest version no matter what you tell me. So. Yeah. I think I'm kind of crazy about them but in a very normal way (I just lied on the internet). I'm gonna answer your last three questions before actually getting into the subject of why Shuggy makes me go so wild:
(Spoilers: manga ch.1082 and that Wano flashback)
Shanks being "completely over this guy" would be a very simple way to put his feelings for Buggy into words, I think. Although the fandom exaggerates the way he feels for him (turning into obsession and just complete depression) for fun or for angst purposes (I must say I don't really dislike it and I do believe Shanks still holds Buggy close to his heart in this way, and if we talk in a shippy way, he's definitely the clingy one) I think Shanks isn't completely over Buggy. At least not in the cynical way some people say. I think that after parting ways, Shanks accepted Buggy leaving him. I don't think he quite understands his reasons (he never will, tbh) but accepted his decision. I think he tried to choose the more mature way (not that he had other options) and moved on. But moving on doesn't mean forgetting or being completely over someone, because I wholeheartedly think that even if Buggy isn't on his mind 24/7, he's still one of the most important people in Shanks' life and story. Buggy is there in the back of his mind like a catchy song you can't get rid of, you know? It itches sometimes, too, but Shanks can't do anything about it so he just lives with it. To Shanks, he would gladly reconnect with Buggy and go back to the way they were in the blink of an eye, but he knows it can't be. I think Shanks has moved on but the second somebody mentions Buggy he goes into nostalgia mode and thinks about their times together back when they were just kids with endless dreams aboard the Oro Jackson. I think Shanks has more things to worry about than his past to be the way the fandom portrays him, but that doesn't mean he has completely forgotten about it and doesn't want Buggy back. Because he definitely does.
Buggy is- He isn't just bitter. I don't think you can say Buggy is just bitter when Shanks' decision was what determined his whole life. Leaving the thing about the map and the devil fruit aside (which also affects the story but we know his resentment isn't really about that) Buggy has every right to feel the way he does towards Shanks. Perhaps it's just that I find this pathetic clown to be very relatable, but I will always be both a Buggy apologist and defender. I'll probably get into a more detailed version of this later, but Buggy isn't just bitter. Buggy is rightfully frustrated at how his life ended up to be without Shanks. "But he's the one who left Shanks"... Is he, though? He did leave Shanks physically, but Shanks was the first to break the relationship. The thing about Buggy that I absolutely love is how his character portrays envy and jealousy into a... I wouldn't say healthy way, but at least not a damaging way to Shanks. Despite fighting all the time, they obviously loved and cared for each other. Being best friends and the youngest of the crew, always together in both the worst and best of their moments, etc. So Buggy, even though he lived as Shanks' shadow, that isn't why he's resentful towards him. He could be angry about that, right? Just bitter Roger chose him to keep his legacy alive instead of him. But no. Buggy chose to follow Shanks instead because he trusted him. Because he thought "Well, I might not be able to follow my dream, but Shanks will do it for us as our captain's legacy". Which makes sense because they were so damn close. They're always together. Like. Just watch/read the Oden flashback. Their presentation was even together, lmfao. And when they talk about them, they mention them together. The whole thing about Shanks not going to Laugh Tale to take care of Buggy? It's just- It's just so obvious that they were best friends and intended to be together forever. Buggy was willing to follow Shanks until the end of the world until Shanks hesitated when asked about following Roger's steps (Buggy doesn't actually say he'll be in Shanks' crew, but the way he reacts to Shanks' words makes me think he would've accepted to go with him as a co-captain until... Well. Yeah. That happened). And like, I get it. Shanks knew they were too young. Shanks knew they needed to grow up and live more experiences as pirates before going to Laugh Tale and for the One Piece. For Shanks it's just a little pause before they actually fulfill their dreams. But for Buggy? For Buggy, his whole world is crumbling down because the person he trusted the most literally told him he wasn't going to follow their dream. For Buggy, Shanks doesn't take the role of Roger's legacy seriously enough, so it's unfair. It's unfair that he had to leave his dream behind for him. It's unfair that he trusted him. It's unfair that Shanks didn't believe in himself. It's unfair that their captain died. It's unfair that now Buggy has to be completely on his own, with no ability to swim and no map to follow because Shanks also ruined that for him. So, yeah, Buggy is a bit more than just bitter, and rightfully so. It's classic miscommunication because obviously, Shanks wasn't going to give up on going to Laugh Tale, but Buggy takes it that way. And he also sees it as Shanks doubting himself and the dream and it's unfair that the one who got the straw hat is the one to hesitate, and the one who didn't get anything is the one who wants to fight for their dream. Buggy is more than just bitter. I know it's played for laughs, but his grudge towards Shanks is deeper than that.
You are not interpreting it wrong, tbh. I think the fandom just exaggerates their behavior and in canon you pretty much have to analyze the characters to fully understand them. If you're not a fan of these two characters, their whole relationship can feel like "Oh, they were just friends in the same crew" even when it's way deeper than that. Although I think chapter 1082 (my favorite chapter ngl I've read it so many times google instantly shows it to me when I look for the page where I read OP) explains what I just said pretty well from Buggy's POV.
So now onto the real question, what's so fascinating about Shuggy?
I'm gonna be honest with you, before writing this I have to say that I have a tendency to love these types of ships. Soukoku (BSD) and Satosugu (JJK) are no exception and they follow the same "former BFFs/partners who turned into enemies and are very very gay". The reason I like these three ships so much is probably because of personal experiences I'm not gonna talk about, but somebody mentioned something very interesting about lesbians/sapphics relating to these ships because we always have this experience about having a really close girl bff that we have a crush on, but since we don't acknowledge the real feelings, it ends up in a very toxic way that leads only to resentment and nostalgia. And, you know, as a lesbian who has been through that I can confirm wholeheartedly that this is why Shuggy is so important to me (considering Shuggy a ship for the lesbians in my heart </3)
Leaving that aside and the fact that childhood best friends to lovers is like my favorite trope, I just think their characters are so perfectly written. And it's surprising because they barely have scenes talking about each other or being with each other (Marineford is Shuggys' Roman Empire atp, although I will always remember that first flashback in episode 8 in the anime. That changed my life fr). But their story is made with so much care and love for the characters (it's obvious Oda likes Buggy a lot) that you can feel it. At least I do. Because although not having many scenes they've completely taken over my heart and soul.
Shanks is a very complicated character due to lack of information and the fact that we know he hides something deeper, but he is, after all, a symbol of hope and dreams. At least for our main character. Shanks is the main reason why Luffy becomes a pirate and there are so many parallelisms between them that I can't count them. I find it so ironic that the symbol of hope and freedom Luffy follows is actually somebody who crushed somebody's dreams and hopes. Talk about irony, right? And then we have Buggy, who's the complete opposite. With Buggy's first appearance (and honestly all of his scenes until the Wano flashback and chapter 1082) we think he's one of the bad guys. And yeah, all of them are like that because they're pirates and yadda yadda. But I'm talking about "bad guy" as in "bad bad person with no hopes and dreams and that is just interested in being feared and powerful". And he is a failguy. A very funny one, too. But he's so much more. And the fact that this comedic relief character that's always played for laughs when it comes to his own misery turns out to be the one who has the biggest of dreams and the biggest of heartbreaks about it? It just shatters my heart.
Shuggy makes me go wild because of Buggy, mostly, ngl. I wouldn't like Shanks this much if it wasn't for Shuggy, probably (I love him a ton outside of his relationship with Buggy, but you know, it makes things a lot easier). I like Shuggy because the topics the ship touches are very emotional and angsty and they crush me completely. Buggy living in Shanks' shadow? Buggy wanting to follow Roger's steps and following Shanks instead because his self-esteem disappeared the moment his captain's legacy ended up on Shanks instead of him? The trust he had in Shanks? The way Shanks hesitates and the way Buggy refuses to follow somebody like that? Buggy running away on his own because he gave up his dream for somebody who doesn't even treat it the way it deserves? It's just heartbreaking. Especially if you have in mind that they just lost the man that raised them.
Buggy then becomes somebody that people make fun of and ridicule, and they don't even think about the possibility of him being part of the crew of the king of the pirates. And when they find out, they can't believe it. They don't talk about this much, but I think that it must hurt so fucking much to be seen this way. He was just as important as Shanks. Roger loved him too. And to this day, being Shanks' shadow still haunts him. I love the angst Shuggy has. It breaks me and I love it.
Then, (and this is something I adore) with the creation of Cross Guild, Buggy has the chance to get out of Shanks' shadow. He's surrounded by two guys who only think about money and stability and business and... It's boring, isn't it? It's not flashy! And I think he has this realization of "this is my chance to prove I'm worth something. This is my chance to actually go for my dream. Mine" because these two idiots keep talking about boring things instead of following their dreams and aspirations and bigger things! And it just shows how much Buggy truly cared about Laugh Tale and the One Piece and how much he has had to wait for it. And this has nothing to do with Shuggy, I just really love this fucking clown.
Oh, and I forgot to mention that I love Shanks making Buggy lose the map and eat the devil fruit. Because, okay, in retrospect it feels very stupid because it was a simple accident. But just hear me out- Even though it was an accident, Buggy lost his ability to swim for powers he didn't want. He lost the ability of independence, because what's a pirate on his own if he can't swim? He lost his individuality that night, and we see him depend on others constantly throughout the show. And Shanks mentioning that Buggy is a great swimmer? Oh, fuck you Oda for making me cry so early in the show. Then, the map. He lost his individuality and then he lost the only thing that led him to a future with treasures and his dreams. Then again, losing his independence because he couldn't just go on his own without a map. Fucking great. The fact that Shanks jumps to rescue him the second Buggy starts to drown haunts me at night, too. They're just so-- Ugh.
But Shuggy is not everything about Buggy's resentment and angst. And it's not about Shanks missing him and wanting his best friend back because he doesn't know what happened for him to run away so easily.
It's also about unconditional love, and I am so passionate about that. Shanks care and love for Buggy is something the fandom exaggerates but... These people are not wrong, tbh. Shanks gave up his dream to go to Laugh Tale (postponed it) to stay with Buggy and take care of him because he was sick. Shanks is a very selfless person all the way, and when it comes to Buggy it seems that he doesn't hesitate to put him first (in serious situations. Their usual arguments don't count. They're just stupid, and love to argue and fight like the divorced couple they are). And besides, this happens right in the same episode after Toki gets sick and Oden wants to take care of her but she forces him to follow his dream and leave her behind. Like- What the actual fuck. Ah, yes, parallel the main couple in the Wano arc. I'm sure that's not romantic at all. The difference is that Shanks stayed. And god, does that hurt. Especially when he says they'll go on their own one day, because it shows he cared about Laugh Tale too (I mean, ofc, but from Buggy's POV it's just different).
To end this I also want to say that, leaving the whole deep analysis behind: Their personalities just match. They're funny to watch. They're cute. They have an angsty story behind them. They won't stop arguing like little kids but they care for each other still. They are chaotic. They're just... Perfect for each other.
Hope you liked my tiny essay about them because I could've kept going on and on and on about it, but some people (like me, sadly) have to wake up early tomorrow to work instead of just posting about gay fictional characters (somebody please pay me to do these things and I'll stay on tumblr 24/7).
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mdzs-fanon-exposed · 4 months
Text
MDZS Fanon VS Canon: 2/?
Wen Ning fits Jiang Cheng's list of requirements for a wife
Rating: FANON – NEUTRAL
A lot of ships involving Jiang Cheng will use a list detailing the characteristics of his ideal woman as evidence for one pairing for another, and the character brought to me to evaluate as a suitable match was Wen Ning. Unfortunately, I have to rate this as fanon because Jiang Cheng's wife requirements... aren't canon to the novels.
In terms of the official adaptations, Jiang Cheng's requirements for his perfect wife seem to be Untamed-only canon, as part of the Jiang Cheng/Wen Qing subplot the drama invented. However, the MDZS Fandom Wiki (which, side note, is a horrible source for anything) credits the following list of requirements to a since-deleted Tumblr post:
Naturally beautiful, graceful and obedient, hard-working and thrifty, coming from a respected family, cultivation level not too high, personality not too strong, not too talkative, voice not too loud and must treat Jin Ling nicely. (source)
Using the Wayback Machine, I managed to find the original Tumblr post in question (seen here). According to the user who posted it, this is a translated excerpt from a Weibo post written by MXTX herself, listing 10 supplemental facts about the books – supposedly posted a year before The Untamed was first announced.
I do not have Weibo and cannot verify this claim, but regardless, I do not consider "word of God" to be canon for the purposes of this blog. Whatever MXTX's intentions were when writing this list, Jiang Cheng's requirements are not mentioned anywhere in the actual text, and so I cannot rate this suggestion as anything but fanon. You, the reader, are free to choose whether you think MXTX's supplemental material is canon-accurate.
As for Wen Ning himself: Canonically, Jiang Cheng "could never tolerate" him (Seven Seas Ch. 19, p. 251), and so unfortunately this ship cannot officially sail. Even if Wen Ning does fit every entry on this list, Jiang Cheng would not consider him a prospective match. I do not consider the list canon, and so any attempts to figure out if Wen Ning fits the letter of the list (if not the spirit) can not be anything but subjective.
But, well, this post is about the list itself, not Jiang Cheng's feelings about it. So while I'm here, I might as well have some fun with it.... Feel free to use the notes to debate whether or not you think Wen Ning is secretly right for Jiang Cheng's dubiously-canon standards.
Naturally beautiful: Wen Ning is ADORABLE and I LOVE HIM. You can't look at him and NOT call him cute; even Wei Wuxian thinks his "side profile [is] delicate and refined" (Seven Seas Ch. 12, p. 141). Would Jiang Cheng think this? Um,
Graceful and obedient: He's pretty meek and he's described as a yes-man (Seven Seas Ch. 16, p. 22), and he does what Wei Wuxian says a lot (under magical flute coercion or otherwise), but he can be pretty stubborn when he wants to be. I wouldn't call him falling off a roof "graceful," but I suppose that was after he was zombified.
Hard-working and thrifty: Yes – I can't imagine he got all those Wen subordinates by being completely lazy. And if anything he's kind of the pack horse for the Burial Mounds crew lol.
Coming from a respected family: Technically? Yes. The Wens have historically been a powerful and influential family, and Wen Ning is the younger brother of someone of "a rank on par with Wen Chao" (Seven Seas Ch. 12, p. 148). Functionally? Uhhhh
Cultivation level not too high: This one is debatable, but probably a yes. We don't receive much information about Wen Ning's cultivation level, since his fighting prowess isn't really plot-relevant until he dies, but he is described as "unremarkable" in comparison to Wen Qing. Just like, in general, I guess. (Seven Seas Ch. 12, p. 149)
Personality not too strong: See #2. I would say yes with some caveats. Especially (and ironically) when Jiang Cheng is involved.
Not too talkative/voice not too loud: Also a match! Wen Ning stutters a lot and doesn't really raise his voice unless he's angry, so he's pretty quiet. Remember that time he and wangxian were on that boat and Wei Wuxian straight up didn't notice him for like five minutes? Poor guy. Can you believe this happened to him twice.
Must treat Jin Ling nicely: Do we count murdering his dad? Because if we don't, then Wen Ning treats Jin Ling very nicely. He even saves his life multiple times!
In conclusion: ?????????
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