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onlyjaeyun · 8 months

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𝐏𝐎𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐍 – 𝟏𝟕

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐍: 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠'𝐬 𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐝𝐚𝐲

⤲ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐋𝐞𝐞 𝐇𝐞𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐮𝐧𝐠 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

⤲ 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐠𝐞!𝐀𝐔, 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫'𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝!𝐀𝐔, 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭, 𝐬𝐦𝐮𝐭

⤲ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 𝟔.𝟐𝐤

⤲ 𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬: 𝐍𝐞𝐰 𝐜𝐢𝐭𝐲, 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞, 𝐚 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞. 𝐀𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐬, 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬, 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚 𝐜𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐨'𝐬 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐨𝐟𝐟 𝐥𝐢𝐦𝐢𝐭𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧...

← 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 — 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 — 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 →

"Don't worry, Hoonie", you say calmly and finally come to stand at Jaeyun's front door, your palms sweating as the excitement and nervousness of the upcoming hour finally gets the best of you, "I'll make sure to keep an eye on him throughout the night. We both won't drink anyway so it won't be that difficult."

Your brother lets out a sigh of defeat when he finally gets himself to accept your words of reassurance regarding his best friend. It's only been a few days since Heeseung's panic attack, but you could tell from Sunghoon's demeanor just how worried he is about him. And you don't blame him in the slightest. You've only ran into Seung once since that night and every time your eyes roamed his face you remembered Hoon's words. "He looks so tired" he had texted you and there was absolutely no other way to describe the current appearance of Lee Heeseung.

You could tell he was trying his best to keep the conversation up, the enthusiasm however leaving his system rather quickly as you guys lost yourself in topics and he became even quieter than before.

However, after a long talk with your older brother you both had decided to try your best to make the upcoming time as easy for the best friend as possible and despite your attempts of cheering up Sunghoon as well, he seemed too effected by it all to even think of anything else.

"I won't be drinking tonight either", he suddenly adds as an afterthought to your words and you just let out a hum of approval, aware that you'll need him to be sober to be of any help but knowing him you're pretty sure he's going to end up a little tipsy – it's Sim Jaeyun's birthday after all.

"Keep me updated yeah? I'll head home after work and get changed so I might be a little late", Hoon mumbles just as Heeseung buzzes you in and after telling him not to worry again, you both say your goodbyes and you finally find yourself standing in front of the boys' front door.

You don't get enough time to mentally prepare yourself to face Lee Heeseung as he swings the door open and appears in front of you with a soft smile on his pretty lips. Usually you're quick to avert your gaze, but after last time, you just can't help but let your eyes roam his handsome face and take in the sight of his breathtaking features.

His big bambi eyes are fixated on you, exhaustion and pain lingering in the usually so warm brown and you hate the way your heart breaks at the realisation of just how much he's been suffering in silence.

Because despite your desperate attempts, you never really stopped caring about him and his well-being. Your love might have never been and won't ever be reciprocated, but you would never want him to actually suffer because no matter what he's done to you, Lee Heeseung is one of the best people you've ever met and maybe that's why your heart is still thrumming in your throat every time you're in his presence.

"Hi, there", he says and steps aside to let you in, "I'm glad you could make it."

For a moment you're left speechless and you don't even know why. Maybe it's the fact the two of you haven't been all alone in over four years or maybe because you catch yourself craving the sound of his voice even more than before, yet either way it takes you a good moment to respond.

"Hey", you breathe and take your shoes off, still feeling his eyes on you as he watches you attentively, "of course. Wouldn't want you to do it all by yourself."

Heeseung just smiles and when you finally look up at him, you let out the breath you didn't know you were holding in when you realise how honest and genuine it is.

You both silently walk into the living room before Heeseung takes your bag and coat from you, his gaze lingering on the exposed skin of your thighs for a moment longer than necessary and you hate the way your body instantly starts heating up in response.

"How have you been?"

Your question lingers in the air for a moment and you carefully watch his reactions to your words, only for him to break into a bright smile.

"Better", Seung replies and for the first time in a few days, he's proud of himself for just how true the statement is, "it's been...a week, but I'm okay. Can the Park siblings please stop worrying so much about me?"

Your ears perk up at his rhetorical question and for some reason his abilitiy to read you and your intention this well flusters you a lot more than it should.

"Oh, come on", he suddenly chuckles and runs his bandaged hand through his dark hair, "do you really think I don't know how you two have been thinking of ways to cheer me up and take care of me these past few days? You might be a little more subtle about it but Hoon's always been bad at hiding his concered face."

You attentively listen to him and finally feel yourself get rid of some of the tension in your muscles when he tries to imitate your brother's expressions, furrowing his brows and scrunching his nose with pouted lips just like his best friend.

A chuckle falls past your lips and all you can do is nod in response to his words, knowing he's too attentive not to know your intentions, but from the lightness of his tone you can tell he appreciates it just as much.

"We just care about you a lot", you admit and hope your choice of words doesn't give the wrong signals, since you wouldn't want him to get uncomfortable, "especially Hoonie."

This time Seung starts nodding as he fumbles with his ring clad fingers and you genuinely can't stand the way your eyes hungrily take in the sight of them. Your obsession with his hands has never been healthy and it seems to be worse even if you were convinced you had gotten over it.

"And that means the world to me." He replies calmly and opens his hands for a quick second, exposing the bloody patch on the bandage around his hand to your eyes.

A soft gasp escapes your lips and with worried eyes and absolutely no other thoughts you reach for him to take a proper look at it.

And Heeseung doesn't stop you, even if he should. He definitely shouldn't be enjoying the feeling of your skin against his but after fighting his demons all week, he allows himself to enjoy and savior this for as long as you'll let him. Just this one time.

"When was the last time you changed this?" You ask softly and gently graze the bloody patch in the middle of his palm with your pretty fingers, your fresh set of nails catching Heeseungs attention and he hates his brain for putting mental images of your hands in his hair and his face into his head so quickly.

He's so caught up by the calming feeling of you holding his hand, he actually forgets to respond, his body in an actual trance as comfort and calmness takes over his system from nothing but a single touch of yours.

"Seungie."

Your sudden use of the nickname you had chosen for him almost two decades ago suddenly pulls him back into reality and with big eyes he meets your strong, worry filled gaze.

"This morning", he quickly mumbles and hopes you don't notice the slight blush covering the apples of his cheeks, but he knows his ears are gonna give him away anyway.

"Come on, let me change it again or it'll get infected", you say and subconsciously wrap your fingers around his hand before you pull him into the direction of the bathroom, only letting go once you realise what you've been doing. And as you make him sit down on the edge of the bathtub you wonder why he wasn't the one to pull away from your grip, your head quickly making up possible reasons and you sigh as you push all of them to the farthest corner of your brain.

"You know, you don't have to do this, right?" He mumbles softly and takes in the sight of your pretty side profile as you look for the boys' first aid kit before sitting down in front of him.

"I do", you reply quickly and start unwrapping the old bandage gently, scared of hurting him, "but I want to. Your hands are your biggest treasure, captain."

Your words make him chuckle and a sense of pride fills his chest as he replays them in his head because you've always been the only one to give him this particular feeling.

"You've never called me that", he suddenly mumbles as the realisation hits him and he can't help but love the way it sounds coming from you. It doesn't sound condescending or ridiculing but genuine and honest, filled with pride as if you felt proud of his position on the team he's worked so hard for.

"We only started talking to each other again about two weeks ago, Seungie", you chuckle and throw the dirty bandage away and reach into the kit to clean the deep cut.

Heeseung doesn't respond to that because he doesn't know what to say. You're right, after all. He hasn't talked to you in four years and he's only been captain for about one now, but that doesn't take away any of the excitement in his eyes in response to your words.

"Does it hurt?" You whisper and swallow your tears as you wipe the soaked cotton pad over his wound with care, remembering the way Sunghoon had broken down in front of you once he told you about that night in detail.

"No", Heeseung quickly replies because he knows how worried you are even if you aren't looking at him; he can feel the concern in every single one of your delicate touches.

A beat of silence follows his answer and once you're done, you can't get yourself to actually let go of his hand.

And Seung doesn't pull away either, leaving you wondering what his sudden change in demeanor means, but you don't let yourself fall into those wishful thoughts. Not again. He probably doesn't want to be rude because you helped him, that's it. There's nothing else to it.

And maybe it's a moment of actual weakness or maybe the longing of all those years but you physically can't stop yourself from taking his into both of yours.

You absentmindedly trace the shape of his rings with the tip of your finger, too shy to actually touch his skin and for a moment you allow yourself to get lost in those thoughts you had tried so hard to get rid of.

What if he has changed his mind and isn't opposed to you anymore? What if you're finally mature and old enough for him to recognize you as your own person and more than his best friend's sister? What if he thinks you're attractive now, maybe even pretty?

As the questions in your head start doubling in their numbers, you feel your chest getting tighter once you realise just how much you still like him, throwing away your hard work of the past four years just like that.

Heeseung doesn't move at all, just enjoys the way your touch seems to feel perfect, something he's never felt before. He can tell you've got lost in your thoughts because you usually never touch him and here you are holding into his injured hand with such care yet also certainty, he can't help but gently wrap his fingers around one of your delicate wrists.

The air in the small bathroom is so thick with tension, Heeseung is sure he could easily cut through it with a knife if he tried but for some reason, he doesn't feel uncomfortable. As you stare at your hands, he lets his eyes roam your body for a quick moment, since he's already stared at you enough today but at this point he's stopped blaming himself because there's no way he could physically stop himself from looking at you. Not when you're wearing one of your cute little dresses which barely reaches the mid of your perfect thighs and those god damn tights. The colour compliments your skin tone in the best was possible and he loves how it fits your shape perfectly, like it was made for you and you only. Seung can't even imagine what it would look like on someone else and he doesn't even want to.

You notice his strong gaze on your face after finding your way back into reality and the second you lift your head to look at him, a wave of warmth hits you.

"You're so beautiful."

Three words.

It takes exactly three words for your heart to skip several beats in a row and for a moment you struggle to inhale as those few letters know out every bit of oxygen in your lungs.

Hearing him say what you've been daydreaming about for years, especially when you had just finished internally scolding yourself for your wishful thoughts, has adrenaline rushing through your veins.

Maybe you misheard him or maybe you just heared what you wanted to so badly, so without missing another beat you look at him with parted lips and mumble a soft "sorry?"yet avoiding his gaze like the plague.

You don't know what you expect from him, but in absolutely no universe, not even your delusional one, you're prepared for the sudden feeling of his other hand on your cheek softly guiding your head up to meet his eyes.

Too shocked and overwhelmed by just how perfect his skin feels against yours, you just do as he wants, subconsciously moving further into his touch and with a soft sigh Heeseung pulls his bottom lip between his teeth in the same moment his gaze drop to your parted ones.

"You're such a beautiful girl, princess", he whispers and grazes your bottom lip with his thumb, the action so small yet dizzying, you physically can't get yourself to breathe even if you tried.

And when Heeseung finally notices the expression of shock on your pretty features, he sighs and accepts his defeat. He know he shouldn't have done this. He should have kept those words and touches to himself, save them for the time you might actually want him the way he's been craving and longing for you but after a week of fighting with his thoughts, he simply didn't have the energy left to be as distant as he usually is for your sake.

But when you refuse to move out of his touch, even subconsciously nuzzling your cheek against his palm it takes Seung every bit of self control to not just pull you onto his lap and finally claim you the way he's wanted for years now.

"Don't look at me like that, pretty girl."

His voice is a mere whisper but you hear the despair in every single one of his words, his bambi eyes filled with an expression of...longing, something you had never seen in them before and for some reason it's that particular realisation which finally allows you to breathe again.

"Like what?" You're genuinenly surprised at the stability and actual sense of your response, since you've struggled to find proper words for the past two minutes.

Heeseung doesn't give you enough time to analyse your own reactions as his he suddenly takes your face into both of his hands and never once averts his gaze from your face.

"Like you still want me", his answer hits you like a truck and with an inaudible gasp you try to fill your lungs with oxygen, only to fail miserably.

"You deserve nothing but the best princess, do you hear me? Don't ever settle for those pretty faces who do everything halfheartedly", he begins and cocks his head tot he side with sudden sadness washing over his sharp features, the unexpected change in his expressions splitting your heart in two, "I wish I could be what you deserve but I'm not. And I'm afraid I won't ever be."

You frantically let your eyes roam his face to see if he's as serious as he sounds and there's absolutely no indication of his words being anything but the truth. Heeseung's never been one to lie, not to you anyway, so why are you trying to catch him in one right now, of all moments?

It's been years since the two of you have been this vulnerable with each other and as you wrap your fingers around his wrists to keep his hands on your face, you just look at him with a veil of thick tears blurring your sight.

"But–"

Heeseung smiles and pulls your face even closer to his own, knowing this will be the first and last time he'll allow himself to be like this with you, which is probably why he doesn't hesitate to place the softest kiss on your lips, purposely not giving you enough time to realise what he's doing to make sure you don't reciprocate it because he knows once he gets a proper taste he's going to be addicted and that's the last thing that should happen.

"So perfect", he whispers and actually pulls away, letting go of your warm face with a soft sigh before he wordlessly gets up from his seat on the edge of the bathtub to find an escape in the kicing room knowing you'll need the next few minutes to compose yourself, which will give him enough time to get his shit together.

And as you wordlessly watch him walk away, the safety of his presence and your perfect, yet temporary world slowly starts crumbling down around you and with your brain processing each word, a sudden wave of pain leaves you gasping for air desperately.

Why would he do this to you?

He knows about your feelings for him despite your attempts to hide them even after being rejected by him four years ago, so why would he fuck with your head like this? Talking about not being what you deserve, kissing you and placing the tiniest bit of hope into your palms just to brutally take it away from you again.

In a moment of anger clouding your brain, you aggressively swing the door open, preparing yourself to confront him for messing with you like that because why the fuck can't he just leave you alone? It's not like you'd get over him without him doing all of this anyway, so why is he making this even harder for you?

Maybe he likes to see you suffer and this is just all part of some sick game of his, or maybe he knows he won't ever choose you over his friendship with your brother, a fact so hard to swallow, you feel yourself choking on it each and every time.

Questions, thoughts, as hopeful as they are desperate, as well as anger and confusion fill your head the closer you get to him, not even realising he's made his way to the front door only to be met with the sight of his pretty best friend in his arms.

It hits you right then and there that everything that has just happened simply doesn't matter to him because you've never been and won't ever be an option. At the end of the day you'll always be Sunghoon's younger sister to him before anything else. Nothing else about you matters as much as the relation to your brother and as you try your best to swallow your tears at the sight of Sumin burying her face in Heeseung's neck with giggles and an explanation what she's doing here, you can't help but let your gaze drop to the way he's holding her and that turns out to be the last of his hints for you to get.

Without a word you turn around on your heel and finally reach the somehow comforting four walls of Jongseong's room, closing the door behind you and finally letting go of everything with your hand firmly covering your mouth to hide every single cry from the two people on the other side.

You don't say a single word until Jaeyun comes home from work, welcoming him with a big hug and sad eyes, which he unfortunately quickly catches up on and before you get to reassure him not to worry, he's met with the sight of his best friend's best friend and without saying anything he just shoots you a tight lipped nod.

Once you're all done setting everything up, Jongseong finally walks through the door, bundled up in his thick coat, a beanie and his face hidden by a mask and a pair of sunglasses he pulls you into a tight hug and thanks you for your hard work. Neither of the boys give Sumin a single second of their attention and you can see their lack of enthusiasm about her presence from their cold expressions.

For some reason their reactions and behavior give you a stupid sense of happiness, especially knowing they don't like her at all and you actually happen to be their favorite.

Different than expected your brother manages to be the third one to knock on the door, present and flowers in his hands as he looks at you with exhaustion grazing his features and you quickly avert your gaze to hide your eyes from him, knowing he'll read you even faster than Heeseung and the last thing you want to do is explain your brother why you're as sad as you are.

However once your girls arrive, a little bit later than the boys' team mates, you finally manage to distract yourself and after about an hour you stop looking for Heeseung in the crowd of people, just focusing on your friends and staying close to your brother and his boys as much as possible because you know Sumin won't approach you if you're with them.

It's not that you're still bitter about her words from a few weeks ago, but you're not gonna give her the opportunity to pull something like that ever again, especially knowing Heeseung will probably protect and defend her.

And as soon as your new coworkers and friends make their way into the living room, your brother's best friend basically becomes invisible and you love how you manage to put your whole focus on your own people instead of the ones who haven't done anything but hurt you.

You throw your arms around Jiung's neck with a loud chuckle, actually and genuinely happy about him and Keeho being there because they always end up being the life of a party. And when he refuses to let go of your waist as he half hugs the girls, you move further into his touch, even going as far as placing your hand over his and biting your bottom lip when he shoots you one of his infamous smirks.

It's not like you're trying to make anyone jealous or show Jiung off to anyone, there's absolutely nothing going on between the two of you after all, but for some reason you're craving the validation he's currently providing you with and him not being interested in anything serious just makes it a lot easier as well. You enjoy each other's company, that's it.

And with every single time that guy touches you, Heeseung feels his heart rate pick up its pace, brutally hammering against his rib cage and his vision actually blurring from jealousy. He's never wanted to fight someone as bad as he wants to right in that moment but for some reason he can't get himself to just...look away. After your little moment in the bathroom he's promised himself to never let it get this far again and that's why he let Sumin hug him the way she did, something he usually isn't fond of at all but he knew you'd be the one to push him away if you saw him like that.

He probably won't ever forget the pain in your pretty eyes, the ones who were filled with hope and adoration just a few minutes prior to that moment, but as much as he hates hurting you, he simply didn't have another choice.

That's probably why he can't stop looking at the way Jiung's been hugging you from behind for the past hour, resting his head on your shoulder and even touching your neck every now and then, none of which you seem to mind and if it wasn't one of his best friend's birthdays, he would have left hours ago.

Heeseung knows his brain is purposely punishing him for what he did and said to you in the bathroom but none of that makes any of this easier.

Sumin doesn't stop talking for a single second and after listening to her for the past two hours, Seung's stopped paying attention, his sole focus remaining on you.

After a week so difficult Seung is surprised he's still made it out of his bed, life has finally decided to give him a break as his "best friend" tells him about her early departure because she has to catch a flight in the morning and as soon as he closes the door of her uber, he lets out a loud sigh of relief. It's not like she caused a scene or anything in particular she's done but just her presence (probably even existence) has started to drain him of energy lately and even if he refuses to admit it, Heeseung knows her words and threats played a huge role in his breakdown from a few days ago.

And even if he genuinely understands, he can't help but feel hurt by his friends avoiding his presence when Sumin is by his side, yet at the end of the day there's no one to blame but him and he's more than just aware of it.

That's probably why Heeseung's as excited to get back to the party as he is, knowing he'll finally get to spend some quality time with his boys after not seeing them for a week.

And when the thought of spending time with his friends actually helps him distracting him from you, he basically runs out of the elevator towards the front door, only to be met with you and your little pretty face of a boy toy sitting on the stairs, calmly talking to each other.

You don't seem to notice his presence and neither one of you bother to turn around and see who's just got out of the elevator once its doors have closed behind Heeseung.

He knows he should just leave you two alone and give that guy the chance to finish what he had started at your housewarming party. Heeseung wants to just walk back into his best friend's apartment and continue the party, leave you with him and try his best to forget about you but there's absolutely no rational thought left in his brain as he watches the way Jiung pushes a strand of your hair behind your ear and places his big hand on your neck.

For some reason, however, he can't get himself to move away as soon as his eyes fll on you, reading your body language like it's his mother tongue and quickly noticing all the signs of your personal discomfort. As soon as Heeseung notices Jiung's other hand making its way underneath the skirt of your little dress, he basically chokes on his own spit.

He can't even hear what you're saying when you move out of Jiung's gentle touch, shooting him the sweetest smile ever while you push his hand away from your thigh.

However, Jiung seems a little too comfortable and persistent for Heeseung's liking because for some reason he doesn't seem to get your hint, quickly reaching for your arm and pulling you against his chest, chuckling when you playfully turn your head to avoid his lips.

But Heeseung knows you're not being playful or teasing. One of your hands balled into a tight fists while the other nervously scratches your neck as you try to remain as polite as possible not realising you're being watched by the last person you wanted to see again tonight.

And the longer he watches the two of you, the faster his hearts start hammering against his rib cage, the blood thrumming in his ears and every single thought on his mind vanishing as he makes his way to the two of you and harshly grabs Jiung by the collar of his shirt, pushing him against the wall and easily ignoring your shriek of shock.

"She told you to cut it the fuck off", Heeseung presses through gritted teeth and casually throws your coworker to the floor, eliciting a loud gasp from you and as soon as you realise what's happening you move to help your friend on the floor, only for your brother's best friend to wrap his hand gently around your arm and keep you by his side.

"And I told you not to settle for pretty faces who do everything halfheartedly, didn't I?" His words leave no room for discussion and you don't miss the jealousy oozing from his gaze as he looks at you without missing a beat.

You gulp harshly and try to move out of his firm hold on your arm, the whole situation stressing you out even more than wht had happened earlier today.

"Let me go, Heeseung", you hiss with furrowed your brows and your lips pressed tightly together, feeling proud of yourself for maintaining the eye contact without making your struggles too obvious.

"He hasn't even kissed you yet and tried to get into your pants, Y/N", he suddenly says and you look at him in horror, only then realising just how long he's been watching the two of you.

"Were you watching us, you fucking perv?" Jiung's spits and clmes to stand right behind me with his head held high, absolutely not fazed by the humiliation Heeseung had put him throught just a few minutes ago.

"Yes, because I don't fucking like you and I'd be a fucking bastard if I left you alone with her for too long", Heeseung replies and moves you behind him, covering your sight with his broad shoulders as he looks down on Jiung rather casually.

"Why the fuck do you care? You're just her brother's best friend so know your fucking place." You can't hide the surprise in your expressions as his words reach you and for some reason you actually feel offended for Heeseung, never having had anyone talk to him like this in front of you and as much as you hate him right now, you'd never let anyone disrespect him like that.

"Watch your words, Jiung", you suddenly hiss and come to stand next to Heeseung, only for him to shove you behind his tall frame again without a word.

"I care because I'm pretty sure you didn't tell her why your fucking ex girlfriend broke up with you, or am I wrong?"

And suddenly your ears perk up, thousand question marks popping up in your head as you look at Heeseung's side profile with confusion in your eyes before turning your head to look at Jiung.

"Why would I? That's nobody's business but mine and hers." Jiung replies calmly and confidently and you can't help but wonder how Heeseung knows about this particular topic but most importantly what it is all about.

"What are you talking about, Seungie?" You're careful with your question, purposely not directing it at Jiung because you know your brother's best friend would never lie to you, especially since his knowledge seems to have his blood boiling.

"He gave his ex girlfriend a fucking STD after he cheated on her with the campus whore", he deadpans and never once looks at you but actually stares right into Jiung's soul.

He knows he's supposed to let you indulge in your little crush and get a boyfriend so he can forget about you, but after talking to Sumin about Jiung's ex, who just so happens to be in one of her seminars, he definitely wasn't gonna keep this to himself any longer than necessary. Heeseung was just waiting for a good moment to talk about this with his boys, knowing it'd be better if they approached you with this but knowing he made you uncomfortable and refused to accept your rejection, he just couldn't stop himself anymore.

"What the fuck, Jiung?" You say and don't even try to hide the disgust in your voice, subconsciously holding onto the back of Heeseung's shirt but quickly letting go once you realise.

"It was an accident", Jiung shrugs and rolls his eyes, obviously annoyed about the topic and all of a sudden you feel more than just uncomfortable in his presence and basically dread the upcoming time at work.

"The cheating or the lack of protection?" Heeseung throws back at him without missing a beat and you hate the way you can barely hold in your cheeky grin.

"Fuck this, y'all are lame anyway", your coworker replies casually and turns around, leaving you alone with the one person you've been avoiding all night and as the air slowly fills with this tension again, you wait for the door to fall shut to make sure Jiung's gone before you quickly try to follow him.

The sigh of annoyance falling past your lips as soon as Heeseung's fingers wrap around your arm is basically inevitable. You want to be in his presence but you can't physically bear it; your heart hurts and just thinking about your moment from earlier makes you want to burst into tears and hide forever, the same feeling of shame and humiliation getting the best of you exactly the way it did all those years ago.

"What the fuck do you want?"

Your choice of words, your tone and your lack of eye contact is everything Heeseung needs to know about your current emotional state, but apparently not enough to make him let go.

"I didn't mean to ruin this for you", he sighs and looks at you with nothing but comforting warmth oozing from the brown, "but I just couldn't just let it happen either."

"Yeah, I know. I'm your best friend's fucking sister and that's why you could never let a boy be mean to me, right? My fucking hero", you spit back and hate the way your voice breaks as the whole day finally catches up to you.

It's just been too much. Your moment with him in the bathroom, his words, his constant staring, his actions and words being actual opposites, watching him with Sumin and actually having to carry this facade throughout the whole night has finally worn you out completely.

You don't even feel bad for the tears, nor do you feel guilty.

You're just glad they you finally get to let them go.

"I can't let any fucking boy be mean to my fucking girl, because that's who you are. Yes, you might be Hoon's sister but you're so much more to me than just that." His voice is louder and harsher than you expected and as soon as your brain processes his words, you bite back a bratty response, waiting for him to keep talking.

"You can go and fuck those ugly wannabes but none of them will ever be good enough for you", he whispers and nudges your nose with his own, making you realise just how close he is to you and all of a sudden the air in Jaeyun's apartment building is thicker than anything you've ever experienced.

"I can't let a boy be mean to you because I will actually get myself arrested the next time I see you with a loser like this, do you fucking hear me?"

"Why do you care so much?"

Silence.

Heeseung doesn't say a single word, simply because he can't. How is he supposed to tell you about just how important you are to him when there's a friendship on the line that's saved his life in ways he could never repay even if he tried.

Yet you seem so hopeful. Despite anger and annoyance wavering in your voice and lingering in the soft colour of your eyes, he can tell just how much you want him to say those words.

"I guess that's all I need to know then", you sigh and move out of his firm grip, wiping away your tears quickly, "please stop fucking with me like this. My heart can't take it."

And those are the last words you say to him before you finally reach the front door and leave him standing there with nothing but teary eyes and an aching heart. Yet again.

(A/N: I know I said this would be a little smutty but i kust felt like it didn't match the vibe so it just..got angsty 💀 thank you guys so much for your patience and all the love you've been sending my way, it really is everything to me. feedback and reblogs are appreciated!!!🥺🧸💞)

TAGLIST: @soonigiri @thvhannie @enhaz1 @kpoprhia @abrazosolorcereza @deobitifull @mixtape-racha @certifiedmoa @jungwon-xo @hoonieluv @enhamysunshines @jaehoonii @pussyslayerhd @ineedsomezzz @neocockthotology @heerinnie @onionzzzs @hee-pster @3amstarlight @xxxxrvexxxx @primroselover @mimikittysblog @iea-tsand @lhspeachie @xiaoderrrr @viagumi @smg-valeria @kells5595 @heeseunghee7 @xrvrqs @ddazed-lhs @heebrry @fakeuwus @dammit-jjk @ivyannemarie @thekinkpopstandsforkrackheads @s00buwu

#enhypen social media au #enhypen smau #enhypen x reader #enhypen angst #enhypen smut #enhypen writers #lee heeseung x reader #heeseung x reader #heeseung smut #heeseung angst

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doki-doki-imagines · 2 months

Note

Okay so I'm NOT the anon who requested the lin keui trio +earthrealm defenders reaction to y/n asking them to eat pineapple to make their cum taste better.

But I'm about to be the non-anon that requests a follow-up of the lin keui trio +earthrealm defenders reaction to seeing y/n EATING pineapple right in front of them afterwards to make their(y/n's) cum taste better.

Or even just for your name to say "I had pineapple" and guage reaction.

Fun ask, last time. Fun answer, too! Thank you for writing it. No pressure on this ask, love your work!

author note: sequel of this. I don't think I should laugh so much doing these kind of hcs LMAO. Also thanks for your kind words!!

tw: vulgar language, some suggestive but nothing nsfw is described.

If you like what I write consider tipping on my ko-fi

Johnny Cage: -He would do the nose flick and smile from one ear to the other. -Johnny is so showing off, he just misses the peacock's tail being wide open and he would be perfect. -"You'd really do anything to be eaten out by me, mh?" He says trying to block the new smile by biting his lower lip "Amazing technique, right?" -Best advice: fuck the arrogance out of him. It won't work but at least it will be a fun time.

Kenshi Takahashi: -He…he can't see you. -Kenshi understands you are drinking something, but he really can't tell what's inside. -"I have been drinking pineapple juice lately." You say trying to sound as smooth as possible. "That's good, it has excellent anti-inflammatory properties." He replies kissing your forehead. -Kenshi knows from the moment the fruit name rolled out from your lips where things were going. -Did you try to tease him? Send him a message? Too bad, ask nicely or even better, beg. He won't give up for anything less.

Kung Lao: -He looks at you with such as big smirk… -"So, are you getting ready for later?" Lao whispers in your ear, hands sliding toward your backside. "Yeah, I have to meet with Raiden." -1HKO. -Seems only right to tease him back.

Raiden: -He stutters a bit when he sees you gulping down a cup of the juice. -"You don't have to exaggerate. I appreciate the feeling, but don't hurt yourself." He says before softly knocking your foreheads together. -This guy can be so overwhelmingly sweet.

Liu Kang: -He looks at you, sitting on the kitchen chair while you gulp a big glass of pineapple juice down, your back towards the stove. -"I know what you are doing. You are so silly" He chuckles "Bend." "What?" You reply unimpressed putting the now empty glass on the counter. -"Bend." Liu Kang says again, but his voice is full of mirth. "Or what?" You challenge him. -It all happens in a second. You bat your eyes and you feel his strong hands on your forearms pushing you around and bending you down. "Or I'll do it. Let's see if the juice benefits already worked on your body." -They did not. But if you knew challenging authorities was so fun you would have done that way earlier!

Geras: -"I appreciate the effort, it warms my heart knowing my partner would go to such an extent, but-" He pushes away the glass from your lips "There are different diets that have the same effect. I know you hate pineapple juice." "Geras, I love you." You choke a bit on your spit, hating the taste in your mouth. -He chuckles at your words "It's my pleasure." -Geras doesn't have to look at the future to know you'll never drink that ever again.

Bi-Han: -The scowl is permanent on his face, but this time he isn't angry. -There is a tiny voice in the back of his mind screaming "they would do anything for you, for your pleasure!" -Bi-Han basks on the idea that his partner is wrapped around his thick fingers. -If you don't make any mistakes during the day you'll receive your prize in the evening…

Kuai Liang: -Well he drank it with no problem so he doesn't mind if you do either. -May want to try that dumb thing of crossing glasses but he ends up being too forceful making juice go down more on your face than your mouth. -You laugh so Liang isn't worried. -"Your shirt is stained, it will be a mess if we don't clean it up. Let me help you remove it…" -The shirt was soon forgotten.

Tomas Vrbada: -"At my three we both drink. 1, 2, 3-" "W-Wait I have a better idea…" Look neither of you likes pineapple juice that much and this looks more like torture than anything else. -So…Tomas put a finger at the bottom of your glass, pushing it towards your lips to make you drink a sip. -And then he kisses you! Sucking your lips and therefore the juice out of your mouth. Tomas also spills his juice on your neck, licking it up while hands travel south. -Look he is doing it for the both of you! A new way to enjoy such a mid beverage! -The fact that he wanted to fuck you senseless since tomorrow morning is totally not correlated.

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weebsinstash · 10 months

Note

consider; multiverse shenanigans with a spider!reader where they make some offhand comment about how their heat/rut is coming up soon and they'll need some volunteers to cover patrols while they're down and half the society is like 'o damn that sucks, yeah i can swing a tuesday' and the other half is like 'your WHAT is coming up???'

and it turns out that a decent chunk of the multiverse has no idea what a/b/o orientations even are and it somehow just got totally lost in translation until that very second that this was a thing. what do you mean omega???? what the fuck do you mean you just thought i was a really boring smelling beta?????????? y'all motherfuckers are SNIFFING PEOPLE?!?!?!?!

now consider a miguel that is not from an a/b/o verse hearing about this and doing a little research to figure out exactly what a heat/rut is and just getting sucked down a rabbit hole and going feral for the idea that you're going to be in a highly suggestible and vulnerable state for nearly a WEEK and he's going to miss it!!! he didn't get invited!!!! what the fuck!!! the man spends a solid 48 hrs immersed in really bad multiversal porn and comes out the other end hungover and weeping that he nearly missed out on this

so he takes it upon himself to do a little rearranging, some scheduling, some scheming, and lo and behold you find yourself stuck in this crappy half-built nest in nueva york with miguel, who has no real idea how he's supposed to actually perform for you while ur like this and is just making it up as he goes- and totally ignoring the cultural and consent issues he's digging up doing this bc its biology right? so its fine? people in ur universe do this all the time, he has no idea why ur complaining just let him help u out jeez-

Some rando Spiderperson intending to be transphobic: --and they want us to accept everyone as whatever they say they wanna be now, as if men can get pregnant!

Reader, without skipping a beat: what the actual fuck are you talking about, my father carried me and my siblings for 6 months

Miguel is just starting to know you and is actively trying to learn more about you and one day you just, I dunno, you two do a mission together and he gives you praise and you just look at him with a big smile 😊 and your ass straight up PURRS for a few moments and he's just like 🥺❤️ gatito... ❤️

The man sees you talking to Jess and Peter B one day and O'Hara is watching from a distance because he's, awkward and not sure how to approach you, and suddenly his super hearing can pick up someone in the room talking idly about you, or even explaining ABO stuff to another person. "Yeah, see em over there, holding Peter Bs kid? Those Omega always have nurturing instincts. It's cause they're wired to spit out tons of babies. They're the breeders. They even have natutal pheromones to calm down their mates and friends and children" and suddenly Miguel's ears are burning "youre tellin me my darling might wants lots of little babies running around? Fantastic."

Mexican/Irish and also Catholic Miguel who wants one of those STUPID HUGE families where people have at least 6 kids and it's like "oh a typical Omega pregnancy usually has at least two or three babies in one go and theyre shorter than normal human pregnancies huh? Interesting :)"

Some members of the Spider Society are like "why is Miguel kind of lowkey being a dick to me all the time now" oh well its very simple you see, Miguel read your file and found out you're an Alpha and you share this weird connection and also natural biological attraction to HIS lil honeybee and He Hates You Now. Fuck off out his house and don't let him see you talking to his baby or else

He gets really close to you one day, I mean like physically, or hey maybe emotionally too, and he's hugging you and he gets a whiff of your scent and it's something he can't even describe, something that has a carnal biological effect on his where he just wants to keep holding you and hearing your voice like a drug, like it's oxytocin on crack, and suddenly in true scientist fashion he's researching you, your universe, its history, its medicine, its culture.

Can't help but imagine a Miguel who goes full yandere and gives no fucks about doing what he wants for darling and splices his DNA with Alpha DNA so he can officially claim you as a mate, scenting, knotting, and everything. Lyla gives you instructions to meet him in a specific place and it turns out he's been experimenting on himself and he's deep in a rut and suddenly your knees are getting pushed into your chest and you're getting passionately knotted and filled up by a grunting growling purring Miguel who's leaving love bites and kisses all over your skin, just, his size alone would make him hard to get away from, you don't even need to add Alpha instincts and being able to track your pheromones on top of that 😳

Miguel "just let me 'help you as a friend'" O'Hara who tracked when your next heat was going to kick in and maybe even drugged you so it comes at a specific time and he makes it where the two of you are together or even trapped or something when it happens and, here he is, "oh just let me help you, isn't it hurting" but like. We all know it's because he wants to. Like could you even imagine he's, you know, using his fingers and he goes to remove his pants or free himself or whatever and you're just like "no I'll get pregnant" and he just kind of has a Microsoft error window in his brain because it's like. Oh you'll get almost DEFINITELY pregnant? Guaranteed? You're trying to tell the man you dont want to and instead at least internally he's like "promise? 👉👈"

#yandere miguel o'hara #yandere stuff #sinprompts #miguel o'hara x reader

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ch6douin · 6 months

Text

> Dᴇᴠᴏᴛɪᴏɴ. — IDV! SELF AWARE AU (5)

i love this au but i cannot bring myself to do anything other than brainrot every single day. i would love to hear brainrots, feedbacks or anything related to this au in my askbox, so feel free to mark your presence there.

cw: obsessive behavior; mentions of feeling/being watched; romantic someway; religious behavior; idk what else

Fiona loved the mystic. That's something not so surprising as she was given the title of a Priestess. She swore upon the Lakeside Village to adore the one and only Yog Sothoth, to be worthy of his blessings.

But she's incapable of escaping from this manor and honoring his name properly, incapable of escaping from you.

She knows you, to a certain extent because of the gossip and whispers around the survivors but you know her all too well, every single flaw and trait. Her devotion to Yog Sothoth didn't budge at that time, since at the end of the day, Fiona did not acknowledge you.

Skepticism could be her middle name, scripted to be deep into her heart, protecting it from any dangers. But you sneaked in, clueless of your effect on her. And so suddenly, her offerings to Yog Sothoth lacked sincerity.

She doesn't want to...be like this, be indecisive, she always criticized one for such weakness. But every time she thinks about choosing between you and the eldritch god, she is sent into a spiral of sentiments and beliefs, and anxiety settles deep within her bones. You're taking up too much space inside her, and she can't do anything besides hope that you give her enough room for breathing.

Yog Sothoth's presence is cold as ice and almost frightening, it is something Fiona thought that she was used to it. But she got way too comfortable with the feeling of your unique presence, safe as the embrace of a lover. It makes her dizzy, her heart is filled with tenderness but her brain tugs on it like a warning. Sometimes, it makes her sick in the stomach to sense that she failed to do something simple as to follow one god.

Little by little, her makeshift shrine with tons of trinkets for the ancient god is emptied. The overwhelming amount of items almost spilling out from the shrine are nowhere to be seen. Her loud murmurs from her requests to "Hastur" that every survivor could hear when passing by her door (which for a curious motive, is filled with thick locks and chains) are nothing now but a faint whisper of your name, so silent and soothing as if she is afraid to startle you or make you annoyed by her wishes. But did you hear her prayers? You must have, she likes to believe you do. That's the only explanation for her wardrobe full of luxurious clothes and accessories, silky materials that she would never even dream about touching.

She dreams of you, every night. It must be because she thinks about you almost all the time, but she fools herself into thinking it's you infesting her dreams despite the mindset being incredibly irrational. And every time you appear, her brain creates an individual that could only be described as breathtaking, because any idea that Fiona had about your appearance however you looked like was nothing short of ethereal, divine. She would kneel and worship you regardless of people's opinions.

The others be damned. They never gave her such a strong feeling.

And may you also give her enough patience to not wrap her fingers around that Mercenary's throat—when he stands with a look of nonchalance and crossed arms as if he didn't fuck up everything. She couldn't care less about the hint of regret in his sharp eyes, and she started blinking fast as if to dissipate the sudden urge to pounce on him. But you wouldn't want that, would you? After all, you graced him with your presence more times than one could count with their hands, even if his mouth was always kept shut, she knows because there was nothing that could justify his fidgety behavior when the subject was you.

"Any explanations for your foul behavior, Mr.Subedar?" Just like him, her arms are folded tightly on her chest as she spits out her words, cutting through the palpable tension in the room. And by the way he looks at her through the corner of his eye, she really has the impression of not even deserving his attention.

"It's simple, I don't trust them." Indeed, a simple and short answer followed by his thick accent doesn't satisfy Fiona that much. But that's just Naib Subedar, the mercenary is always stubborn and will feed you nothing but crumbles of information until you go crazy for good.

"Oh for god's sake. You don't trust anyone, Subedar." She sighs heavily, rubbing her forehead in annoyance. "The day you do, pigs might fly!" The woman walks around the dimly lit room with impatience, and he remains still as a statue. Aside from a twitch of his brows and a brief glare, there is no reaction to her words.

"Who I trust or not is none of your business, Gilman. Just like you being an obsessive freak with this person, if we can even call them that, has nothing to do with me." He is good at pretending to not be fazed as if he didn't experience goosebumps all over his body five minutes ago when he could finally hear your voice clearer than ever. And when the thought of how you looked from the other side of the screen went through his head for a fleeting second, he swears his heart rate did not increase. Why do you have this effect on him? On everyone? You were able to swoon the hearts of even the most reserved men and women in this manor, you even made him feel somehow special initially.

Emma plants flowers that you might like, Frederick and Antonio create tunes and songs inspired by you, Demi has confessed her admiration for you countless times in her drunken state—Hell, Naib is sure that he had a glimpse of Edgar Valden himself stressing over a painting and mumbling how he 'just had to see you in person, his lost muse'.

His thoughts are interrupted by a loud groan. "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that for the sake of our partnership." He had hit a nerve, didn't he? It's written all across her face, eyebrows furrowed, lips in a firm line, eyelids twitching...It almost brings a smile to his lips how worked up she got. His eyes trail down to her hands for no particular reason, they are gripping her robe tightly in between her fingers.

"Whatever makes you sleep at night.." His mouth has a small pout of indifference as he shrugs, heavy boots accompany him when he walks away to finally leave and have some rest. There is nothing that he wants more than to forget about all of this for at least a few hours, that is if he doesn't end up having you appear in his dreams and waking up with wide eyes filled with evident embarrassment. Maybe he wasn't so different from the other survivors and hunters...

Twisting the doorknob and looking up through his eyelashes, much to his dismay, a person that he knows all too well stands proud. With his black and white clothes, it's Luca Balsa in the flesh. Even with the shaky postman wiping away his tear-smudged cheeks behind the prisoner's back like a shadow, his toothy grin never faltered. He must be sure of himself if he still remains unperturbed by the problems ahead. Naib steps away to give them enough space to enter the room and then vanishes without a word, not before noticing how the postman's irises followed him till he was no longer within eye's reach. If Naib was able to gain the hate of someone so calm, he indeed might be a jerk.

It doesn't take long for Luca to speak up. "Long short story, an unexpected error happened, and now no one knows how to turn it on without my help?" He's casual with it, maybe overconfident in his abilities as an inventor but some optimism was very much needed right now. After all, he should not disappoint in their pursuit to contact you!

There's a short silence, followed by the loud crack of his knuckles as he takes a long stride towards the machine. "Alright, this might take some time. I recommend for you two to take a break and have a little debate with the others in the main hall. Everyone is starving for good news."

OBS: When Fiona mentions "luxury clothes" she's referring to the A/S tier costumes from the game.

naib wants u so bad bro 🤨 a lot of characters may appear next chapter but of course half of it may be a little more luca centered, and maybe if i make it long enough we will come back to reader's pov😆

#identity v x reader #idv x reader #self aware au #idvselfaware #idv mercenary #idv priestess #idv postman #idv prisoner #identity v naib #victor grantz x reader #luca balsa

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underdark-dreams · 7 months

Note

Thank you so much for your Tiefling smut contributions! I am so lovesick for Rolan and wanted to request--Rolan x fem Tav at the grove party? I know it's super early in both of their arcs but I can't help but wonder. 💕

Rolan x Fem!Tav (Unnamed)

Good Night For Company

"Would you mind if I kissed you?" Sometimes you need to feel lonely before you notice the person sitting right beside you.

Tags: Fem Unnamed Tav, Kissing, Accidental Cuddling, Feelings Realization | SFW

Word Count: 5,443 [Read on AO3]

Sometimes it was lonely to be the hero, she thought to herself.

Their camp was fuller and merrier than she’d ever seen it. Every last Tiefling she’d met at the Grove had joined them for a night of celebration, bringing along every last bottle of wine and spirits they could get their hands on as way of thanks.

Unsurprisingly, all eyes in camp seemed to be searching for someone else to spend the night with. Who could blame them? Mortal peril and hard-won victories tended light a fire in people, herself included.

Yet somehow she still found herself short on options. Everyone at camp seemed more interested in clapping her shoulder in thanks than joining her for a night of abandoned pleasure. Even her close companions hadn’t taken much interest in what she had on offer.

Astarion was the only one who had made her an invitation. She practically felt grateful to him for it. He would tempt anyone, of course—just look at him. But underneath his beauty, there was a dark edge about the elf that made her hesitate in the end. How was it Gale had described him? ‘A tiger when it purrs.’

Honestly, she wouldn’t have said no to Gale, either. He was certainly attractive, and there was a sad weight to his shoulders that seemed to invite comforting. The kind she wouldn’t mind giving. Yet despite the lonely shine in his eyes, he’d made it abundantly clear to her in his loquacious way that his mind was elsewhere this evening. She left him alone to his private reflections.

She at least expected their own cheerful Tiefling to be smack in the middle of the evening’s revelry. Tonight, Karlach was nowhere to be found. Only when she later glimpsed Shadowheart’s tent standing dark and noticeably empty did she put the pieces together.

Well, good for them. At least two of their group might have a chance at a lay tonight.

No such luck for her, it seemed. She raised the bottle of Ithbank to her lips and tried not to feel too sorry for herself. The last few days had been long, exhausting, positively brutal…her muscles ached from overuse. Really, a good night’s sleep should be more than enough to satisfy her.

And yet—how nice it would feel to be touched and held with tenderness, even if it wasn’t real, even just for one night. Just enjoy a harmless tumble in someone’s bedroll before everything crashed around them again. The thought of the long road that would greet her in the morning made her groan, and she shook the thought away.

It hardly helped her souring mood to see Danis and Bex practically sitting in each others’ laps in the middle of camp, gently knocking their horns together with affection. She averted her eyes and took a rather resentful swig of wine as she trudged past.

“Go on then, give us a show!”

Teasing laughter came from just ahead. At the edge of camp, she happened upon the three Tiefling siblings from the Grove. Rolan, the oldest, stood flexing his hands as if preparing for an impressive feat. As she approached, she thought for just a moment that he glanced in her direction.

His brother Cal heckled him mercilessly from the rock where he and Lia were perched. “Lose your nerve, wiz?”

Rolan sighed, long-suffering. “Have you no respect for showmanship?” Not leaving time for any more smart comments, he flourished his hands upward with a low incantation.

The effect was like tiny stars, or fireflies, or some combination of the two. Sparkling lights spread and popped above their heads, leaving behind a violet mist that gently faded into the night.

She found herself smiling up at the sky. It wasn’t a powerful display, but it was lovely nonetheless. And certainly unique. She wondered how one went about inventing a Weave spell; she wouldn’t know where to begin.

Tucking the bottle against her chest, she offered a little round of applause. Cal looked over at her then and let out a groan of amusement. “Not you, now he’ll keep at it all night.”

"Shut it," Rolan shot at him, positively glowering. Lia was clutching her side in laughter at his expense.

Two against one; that was siblings for you. She was in a newly generous mood after his pretty magic, however, and decided to lend Rolan a hand.

"Surprised you're still here," she said, cocking her head toward Cal. "Last I heard, Lakrissa was looking for you."

Cal's neck practically snapped with how quickly he craned it around camp. Lia turned her mirth on him, aiming a punch at his shoulder.

"As if, you idiot," she chuckled. "She's only about ten times out of your league."

"You don't know that," Cal told her, completely thrown off teasing his brother as he rose to look around the party hopefully. "She told me I had a good parry one time—I could have a chance—"

As he wandered off, Lia threw up her hands and rose to follow him. "Guess I'll go save Lakrissa. Or maybe just watch what happens. Nice one," Lia added over her shoulder, grinning appreciatively at her.

She and Rolan were left standing alone to the side. There was some awkward shuffling of feet; somewhere past the campfire, Volo launched into his third stanza of Tymora's Melody. A song to make people lucky, she seemed to recall. A suggestive choice for the night.

"Drink?" She broke the silence, offering out the bottle of wine. Relief flooded Rolan’s face.

"Gods, please." He accepted and took a generous pull.

"You certainly have your hands full with those two, don’t you." She bit back a grin at the way his brow crinkled in response.

"They are…" Rolan cast around for the word. "Challenging. But I don't have to tell you that," he added, glancing sideways at her. "We were bickering the first moment you met us."

"That's just family, though," she laughed, taking the wine back from him. Their fingers brushed together slightly over the bottle.

“Nevertheless. My thanks.” He waved his hand in a general motion, but she could tell he meant her intervention before.

“Don’t mention it,” she told him.

Seeking a reprieve from the merry music and voices around them, her feet idly made their way toward the edge of the fire's light closer to the riverbank. From the corner of her eye she saw Rolan follow. They settled on a log of driftwood that faced the scenes at camp.

"So, you're finally making your way to Baldur's Gate," she said. It wasn't a question; he'd already told everyone who would listen about his apprenticeship with Lorroakan of Ramazith.

"Finally.” His eyes glowed with pure enthusiasm. "You have no idea how long I’ve waited for this. The slightest delay has felt like an eternity.”

“And Cal and Lia? They must be excited, too.”

“Of course” he said, though his lips raised in a little smirk. “They’ve never been to the Gate, so they don’t quite know what to expect. But they’re just as eager.”

She watched him for a moment as she turned the bottle over in her hands. "You're quite sure of yourself, aren't you."

Rolan looked at her with a challenging expression. “Tell me, in our position, what else is there we can be sure of?"

He almost made her regret herself. “I didn’t mean that. It’s just that you’re very—”

“I expect most wouldn’t guess that a hellspawn could earn a position under the greatest archmage on the Sword Coast,” Rolan said before she could finish.

His moods were volatile as a storm; turning this way and that without warning. She was never sure what to expect from him. Before she could protest his assumptions about her, he continued onward.

"We three never had much between us, you know." Rolan’s voice was abruptly low and bitter. "Somehow we've got less now than we started with. Not even our birthplace anymore. The one thing I’m sure of is my magical talent. I'm not going to deny it for the sake of being modest—" he tossed the words out with contempt. "Not when it's the one thing I always knew I had in spades. With the right instruction, I could be inimitable."

She studied his determined profile in the half-light of the campfire. Perhaps there were more layers to his self-important attitude than she'd thought. After all, without him taking on the challenging role that awaited him in the city, Rolan and his siblings found themselves in much the same position as the other refugees milling about camp tonight. A heavy weight despite his obvious enthusiasm. Who was she to judge him, or any of them?

Rolan finally caught her watching him and cleared his throat. "Forgive me, I think I've—had too much wine."

"Oh?" She gave the bottle a swirl; it was still more than half-full. "You're making pretty good sense to me."

"I don't usually speak so freely with strangers," he explained tersely, glancing away.

She pondered the comment over another sip. "Does that make us friends, then?" She asked, not sure if she was being serious or trying to tease him. He did seem like he'd be awfully fun to tease.

"That's a little premature," he said dryly, but he glanced at her with a serious look. "Though I suppose, given recent events, you've earned it."

"A roundabout way to say yes," she laughed. "But I'll take it."

Rolan only made a low, grumpy noise in his throat. But he didn't challenge her.

“I’m really glad you three stayed, you know,” she told him. “I know you were against it. It certainly wasn’t the easy choice.”

Rolan plucked a bit of dry grass from between his boots, twisted it between his fingers. “Don’t thank me,” he said. “Once Lia gets an idea in her head to save some poor thing or other, there’s no arguing with her. And she knows I'd never leave her behind.”

"You say that, but anyone with eyes can see the way those two look to you for guidance. They would've followed you down either path."

"Not like us staying even made a difference," Rolan deflected, tossing the ball of grass onto the dirt in front of them. "We only lost a few more traveling days waiting around while you and your friends took care of everything. For which, I suppose, we owe you thanks," he finished sarcastically.

"I suppose," she said lightly. But she was looking straight at him.

Rolan was clever enough to realize he was being chastised. He let out a sigh, but dipped his horns to her in resignation. "Thank you."

She only smiled at him and offered back the wine in response. He accepted without comment.

Watching him tip back the bottle, she mentally fit another piece to his puzzle. "You don't like feeling powerless, do you?"

Rolan looked sideways at her. "Does anyone? Do you?"

"No," she replied, feeling a little foolish for asking. When he passed it back, she drank deeply from the bottle, grounded by the burn that traveled down her throat.

"That must make your situation difficult." Rolan was watching her almost cautiously, as if the subject should be carefully tread.

"The tadpole, you mean?" She spoke it aloud, not wanting him to feel any suspense about the subject. How the thought could fill her with dread and a kind of dark humor at the same time was beyond her. Maybe the worm in her brain was finally driving her mad after all.

"First I had to talk Nettie out of giving me a lobotomy. Then I thought the renowned First Druid Halsin might be able to heal me, but no luck. I even thought that crazy goblin priestess could have something up her sleeve." She gave a mirthless laugh, starting to feel the weariness closing around her again. "Suppose I just need to keep searching, right? Halsin thinks we might find answers in the Shadow-Cursed Lands. Or maybe the cure is in Baldur's Gate. Who knows," she added, glancing over at him. "Maybe your Lorroakan could know the solution, if he's as powerful as you say."

"He is," Rolan answered automatically. His luminous eyes were sharp with enthusiasm as he watched her. "When you get to the city, come see me at Sorcerous Sundries. If a cure exists, it'll be recorded somewhere in the library of Ramazith’s Tower, I'm sure of it. I’ll even research it, if I have time."

Inwardly she hoped they'd all be cured far earlier than that. But she was touched by his sudden helpfulness, even if it was half to prove the powers of his new station.

“Thank you, Rolan,” she smiled. “I appreciate it.”

He dipped his horns wordlessly toward her again. It was a gesture she was beginning to recognize, and grow rather fond of. She offered him their wine bottle in thanks.

From there they both let the moment drift. Seated on their log near the riverbank, she turned to watch how the rest of the revelry was progressing. Alfira had joined Volo in some kind of bardic duel; a rapid-fire melody drifted out to where the two of them sat. Lia appeared to be bravely trying her luck with Lae'zel. Judging by Lae'zel's very non-subtle body language, she was actually getting somewhere.

And to her disbelief, she even saw Cal and Lakrissa sitting together at the fire, engaged in what looked like a very friendly, very close conversation. Was it seriously everyone's night but hers?

She glanced to Rolan's face at her side. He wasn't paying attention to her; his fingers rolled the neck of their shared drink idly back and forth.

It should've occurred to her sooner, honestly. Despite Rolan's initial bluster, she found it surprisingly easy to speak with him one-on-one like this. He had a depth she hadn't noticed before.

And he wasn't bad to look at, either. Golden eyes set against inky black, strong jawline, lips that often curved up in a little smirk that she wasn't sure he deserved but found charming despite herself. She decided to dispense with caution and just try her luck.

"Would you mind if I kissed you?"

“What?” Rolan's head jerked around as he stared at her. "Why?"

"I don't know," she admitted. Maybe this was a bad idea; the shock on his face made her question her own boldness. But then she thought of his pretty spellwork. "Because you're the only person who's made me smile tonight."

Rolan examined her expression as though trying to tell whether she was joking. "We barely know each other," he said slowly.

She gestured her head toward the crowded clearing. "I mean, I didn’t know any of these people a few weeks ago. And now look at us. We’re practically family at this point.” She turned back toward him. "Besides, maybe I'd like to get to know you better?"

Rolan cast around for a response to that. "I suppose you're not…unattractive," he conceded. Although the nervous movement of his fingers gave him away a little.

"Know how to make a girl feel special, don't you," she laughed. "Look, Rolan, say no if you don't want to. I'm not after anything serious. It's just a good night for some company, and honestly, I’ve enjoyed talking to you."

Rolan was considering it; she could practically see his mind ticking between his options. "You're quite tenacious, aren't you?" He told her, the hint of a smile teasing at the corners of his mouth.

"When I want something," she agreed.

Something in the words seemed to tip his decision. She watched Rolan's eyes flick down to her lips.

Taking that as a yes, she tilted forward to press them against his. His skin was warm and softer than she expected. Rolan didn't move against her, in fact was practically frozen still. She couldn't tell whether he was inexperienced or just out of practice. Regardless, she pulled away to look at him through her lashes, checking his expression.

This close his golden eyes almost seemed to blaze. She watched them move over her face, taking in her features up close. When he realized she wasn't going to initiate again, Rolan leaned in for another kiss.

Definitely not inexperienced, she decided, as his lips slid and moved softly over hers. She breathed in and smelled smoke and wine and something spiced; a pleasant warmth coiled in her stomach. He sighed into the kiss, apparently feeling something similar.

She felt a tentative hand rest on the side of her waist. Without breaking from him, she scooted sideways to get a little closer, inadvertently pressing her leg up against his. Rolan made no objection, only circled his arm further around her back.

It was the nicest feeling. Being held by a firm yet gentle touch, sharing kisses that flowed from sweet to eager to shy and back again. How long had it been? The longer Rolan's mouth moved over hers, the less she cared about remembering.

She hooked her arms over his shoulders to keep him close. As she tilted her chin for a better angle at his mouth, she took a chance and ran her tongue along his bottom lip. Rolan’s fingers dug slightly deeper into her side, but his lips parted to allow her in.

She felt a thrill run through her as their tongues melted together. They tasted each other softly for a moment; unconsciously, she combed her fingers up through the hair at his nape.

Rolan broke away gently at the feeling. She grew suddenly shy when their eyes met again, and she cast around for something to fill the silence.

"Why do you hide your ears behind your hair like that?” She wondered aloud. “They’re lovely." As she spoke, one of her index fingers went to tuck a lock of his hair back behind the long, pointed arrow of his ear, grazing against it with curiosity. Before she could blink, his hand caught hers to pull it away.

"Don't—" Rolan said abruptly, then let out a nervous laugh to break the tension. “Tiefling ears are…quite sensitive.”

"Oh," she said. His meaning sunk in the rest of the way. “Oh—I’m so sorry, I didn't realize—" The heat of embarrassment on her cheeks could have melted her.

"It’s all right,” he told her, laughing genuinely now. “Gods, your face is almost as red as mine.”

Rolan was even more handsome with a real, true smile on his face. She wasn’t sure she’d ever seen one there before. Before she’d found a response, his grip on her wrist was gently pulling her arm over his shoulder, and her body closer to him with it.

She decided another kiss would shut up his teasing nicely. She followed his lead and then some, wrapping both arms around his lovely shoulders, melting against his lips again. He said something against her, but the words dissolved into a hum that sent a pleasant shiver down her back.

Finally, Rolan succeeded in pulling away to glance back toward the center of camp. "Sorry," he said breathlessly, and it sounded like he truly was. "I just—don't want you to face uncomfortable questions in the morning."

No doubt his siblings' teasing was another factor, but she didn't call him out on it. While she appreciated his chivalry, all she could think about was getting his mouth under hers again.

"We could go to my tent?" She suggested.

For all the cockiness he'd spouted from the first moment she met him, she felt Rolan's hands almost seize up around her.

The feeling made her bite back a grin. "I'd just like to kiss you some more," she said, tracing her thumb against his jaw. "We don't have to do anything else. It would just be more private. And more comfortable."

Rolan licked his lips, unsure. “Won’t that be even more obvious?”

“I don’t think this crowd’s going to notice much at this point…” She turned with arms still around him to look over the scenes near the campfire, and Rolan's gaze followed. The generous flow of alcohol was taking a clear effect on most of the faces gathered here and there. Around the fire’s edge, Alfira was leading many of her fellows in a rousing ballad that she didn’t recognize. Most voices were noticeably off-key.

“Come on,” she invited Rolan, rising with one of his hands in hers. He made no protests as she led him around the edge of camp, trying to stay out of the more obvious sightlines, and towards her empty tent. When she held the flap open for him, he ducked in quickly without a word, and she followed.

Inside, the light from the roaring campfire filtered dimly through the fabric walls. She watched Rolan’s luminous eyes glance around, taking in her personal effects, finally landing on her open bedroll. He swallowed hard.

“Just sit,” she told him, guiding him by the arm down beside her. They settled side-by-side on the blankets. Somehow the mood between them was back to the initial uncertainty of before, as if they hadn’t already shared a score of kisses.

“Your tent smells like you,” he said out of nowhere.

"Really?" She chuckled, but the observation somehow made her very nervous. “Not sure if I want to ask what my smell is.”

“Balsam.” Rolan didn’t elaborate, only dipped his head swiftly to place lips under her jaw. Her laughter dissolved into a sigh of pleasure. Clawed hands snaked up around her side and down over her shoulder, tipping her torso into him. She let her head loll to the side to give him all the access he could want.

She’d forgotten all about his sharp incisors. As he kissed down the side of her neck, his warm breath sending a cascade of shivers over her spine, one of his fangs grazed her bare skin by accident. Her sharp intake of breath surprised even herself.

Rolan pulled away to look at her, uncertain if he’d done something right or wrong. She used the moment to capture him in a kiss again, sucking and nibbling on one side of his bottom lip, letting him know how right he was getting this.

She sank sideways into her bedroll, pulling him down with her with hands clasped behind his neck, trying to be mindful of his angling horns.

Rolan's arm rested comfortably over her side, nails whispering against her back as he held her. He was so gentle like this; so unlike the way he presented himself to others. The thought that she was seeing a side of Rolan most others didn’t get to see—she liked that thought very much. She tangled a hand in his hair as their kisses turned soft, and lovely, and almost lazy.

The security of his arms around her in her soft bedroll, the alcohol making its way rapidly to her brain, the exertions of the day straining along her limbs…she felt herself drifting toward a state of relaxation almost like sleep. She roused herself, wanting to kiss him back while she had him here. She wasn't sure when they'd get a chance like this next.

But Rolan gently disentangled their mouths for a moment. "Here," he said, scooting his arm under her neck like a pillow. She leaned against him with a comfortable sigh.

"Your arm's gonna fall asleep," she warned him, making no moves to shift the weight of her heavy head.

Rolan chuckled low in his chest. "I think you'll be doing that first."

She wanted to make a snappy response, but all that came out was a petulant groan against his lips.

This wasn't going at all the way she intended. She wasn't supposed to doze off, she was supposed to kiss the Tiefling wizard until he saw stars, like the ones he'd conjured for her.

Because he had conjured them for her—she told herself that with certainty, whether or not it was true. The sweet thought carried her toward sweet dreams, and the memory of them behind her eyelids was the last thing she saw before she drifted.

—

The call of an owl nearby pierced through her sleep. As her mind surfaced in the darkness, the first thing she was aware of was the pleasant weight of an arm across her. She sighed and settled comfortably back into the warm figure pressed up against her hips and shoulders. The mystery arm pulled her in tighter in response.

Things began slowly filtering back to her; the party the night before, and the wine, and Rolan, and—

Her eyes opened wide then. The interior of her tent was so dark that she could only make out blurry shapes. Outside, she heard nothing but crickets and a few more distant owls hooting; it must be well past midnight. The fire hadn't been tended for hours, judging by the absence of light reaching through the fabric walls. Presumably the rest of camp had all turned in long ago.

With the nervousness of a person who'd fallen asleep from drink, she shifted around a bit to confirm that yes, she was very much still fully clothed. Her toes flexed against hard leather; even her dusty boots were still on her feet. That answered that question, at least. She glanced down at the clothed arm over her stomach.

"Rolan?" She whispered through the dark.

She felt and heard his lips mumble something against her hair, and then Rolan's face nestled deep into the crook of her neck with a happy sigh. The intimate gesture made her bite her lip. She could feel his steady breaths tickle against her collarbone.

However much she might want to let him stay right there, forever, she knew she should wake him.

"Rolan," she whispered a little louder. Twisting a bit to free the arm under her side, she reached to gently pat the spot between his horns. She felt his hair rustle freely under her hand; its orderly tie must have come undone in the night.

Rolan inhaled sharply awake then. He lifted his head from her as if trying to cast around for where he was.

"We both fell asleep," she whispered, stating the obvious. She felt him tense up behind her as he took in his body's positioning: chest pressed against her back, one arm cradling her neck, the other wrapped tight around her waist to keep her pulled in close to him. She wasn’t sure, but she thought she even felt his tail twined around one of her legs.

Every part of him retreated from her at once as he lurched into a half-seated position. "I'm sorry," he apologized in a groggy whisper.

"It's fine," she assured him, wondering why he would assume she didn't enjoy the closeness as much as he clearly had in his sleep. "I think everyone else is asleep by now."

There was a long, quiet pause. Then Rolan began, “Did we…?”

“No,” she interjected with certainty.

"Thank Gods. I mean—" He cast around in the dark for one of her hands, realizing how that came out. "We both drank a lot, that's not how I want—it shouldn't be like that."

"I know." The sweet goodness of him made her heart swell.

Suddenly, Rolan grabbed his head with both hands. "Fuck," he hissed. "Lia and Cal."

"What about?"

"They'll know I didn't come back to our camp last night," he groaned low.

"Oh—okay," she said, trying to think; her brain was still fuzzy from the night's wine. "Well, maybe they'll just assume you got back late?"

“You don't understand, they know that I—” He cut himself off, and finished, “They already tease me about you.”

“Oh." She did her best to ignore the way that made her insides do a happy flip. But she couldn’t resist teasing a little herself. “Then maybe they’ll just assume you finally got lucky?”

His head fell against her shoulder with a groan, horns lightly knocking against her. “Please,” he begged.

“Sorry, Rolan—” She was instantly contrite, holding his head close to place kisses across his hair and forehead. "Listen, we've got an hour or two before dawn. Maybe you can sneak back and they won't know how late you were out. Where's your camp?"

"The bluffs just outside the Emerald Grove, with Lakrissa and the bard."

She knew the spot; they could easily reach there in a quarter hour on foot. But first, she scooted away and undid the flap of her tent to peer out for any signs of activity.

Everything outside was very still. She watched carefully for another moment just in case; near Wyll's tent, Scratch snuffled and buried his snout further against the owlbear cub's feathers. Beyond that, there were no signs of stirring in the camp.

She ducked back inside the tent for a moment. "C'mon—"

With quiet, shuffling feet, they crept out into the quiet moonlit night. Scratch's head raised silently in their direction. She stared into his dark eyes with a silent plea, begging him to be a good boy and stay quiet. He lowered his head back down without a sound. She swore to herself that she would find him the biggest, juiciest bone in the morning.

She grabbed Rolan's hand behind her and tugged him quietly through camp. They passed tent after tent filled with steady breathing, boots padding against the dirt in near-silence.

Once they were outside the ruined wall at the edge of the campsite, she let out her pent-up breath in relief.

Rolan kept his fingers twined firmly with hers as they walked through the moonlight. They talked about anything to fill the air, about things that didn't matter, both trying to stave off the impending end of their short night together.

Far sooner than felt fair, they rounded into a familiar clearing, and she knew his destination was just up the hill to their left.

"Well," she began, as they slowed to a stop.

Before she knew it, she was pulled against Rolan’s chest in a tight embrace. She folded herself into him as completely as she could manage, breathing deep and committing his scent to memory.

When they broke apart, he kept her close so he could see her face in the moonlight. "Which route will you take to reach the Shadow lands?"

"Through the Underdark if we can," she answered. "I wasn't sure about it, but we all took a vote after the fight yesterday. What about you three?"

"I don't know," Rolan said honestly. "It depends how Zevlor decides. We're all going to travel together as far as we can."

"Oh," she said. She ought to say something reassuring about how that was a wise tactical choice, but she was overcome with the realization that she might not see Rolan again for many weeks. Possibly not until they both reached Baldur's Gate.

In that moment, she fervently regretted not fucking this wonderful man into tomorrow when she'd had the chance—wine be damned. From the way Rolan was looking at her, she wondered if he was thinking the same.

Instead, she leaned in to kiss him one last time with everything she had. She wanted to remember the way his shoulders fit perfectly under her arms. Rolan’s grip closed around her middle, and in the next instant she felt her feet dangle weightless as he lifted her off the ground into him.

The kiss had to end eventually. As he lowered her onto her feet, she touched back down to dirt and reality.

“Your hair,” she gasped suddenly. It hung loose to his shoulders, his red ear tips poking from between the locks. It was a very handsome look for him.

Rolan raised a hand up in realization himself. “I’ll figure something—” he began, but she was already tugging at the leather lace that fastened her shirt. She raised it to her mouth to bite off a short length.

Before he could stop her, she stood on tiptoe to gather Rolan’s hair behind his head the way he usually kept it. Her arms circled him as she tied it halfway back with the makeshift string. She could feel his eyes on her face, but she steadily avoided meeting his gaze. She foolishly felt like she might cry if she did.

“There,” she sniffed as she pulled away.

Rolan only gave her a gentle smile. “Thank you,” he said, dipping his horns to her one more time.

Telling him goodbye hurt just to think about. “Good night,” she whispered to him instead.

“It has been,” Rolan agreed. “The very, very best.”

#this one turned out much longer than i expected #how very much i love him #rolan x tav #bg3 rolan #rolan bg3 #underdark-dreams #bg3 fanfiction #bg3 spoilers #baldur's gate 3 spoilers #tav pov for a little change

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inchidentally · 3 months

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Why do you think Max f protect Lando like his children? Do you think he does it because he saw how Lando struggled in f1 and couldn't just stand there and watch?? 🤔

oh anon idk how much Lando/Max F lore you know but Max has been Lando's protector from day one. Lando was teeeeeny tiny for his age up until like 19?? so Max was bigger than him up until around then. I'm still learning a lot about them as I go but Max's protective instincts toward Lando run extremely deep. it's why I can't decide if they're more common law husbands, platonic soulmates or each other's weird gamer racing gremlin guardian angels.

I think for me one of the biggest standouts for me about their bond is how much Lando wanted to look after Max when Max left racing for good. because when you read about Max's particular struggles, it's like hearing Lando all over again:

Getting bad results each weekend was just having more of a knock-on effect on my mental health. Normally, I’d say that’s one of my strengths through a championship. That’s how I’ve been able to win titles, I’m able to stay calm under pressure and I don’t let many things get to me but when you have a bad qualifying result and you see guys up there that you know you’re capable of beating, it definitely takes a dig at you inside and it’s been a lot to process throughout the year. -- As soon as more thoughts come into your head, it gets worse, then you start panicking, over-driving, and it all goes wrong. I think a lot of the pressure is in your head, but it does get to a point where it just all piles on you. [source]

it's got to mean the world to have a best mate who can completely and openly identify with exactly what you're feeling - esp since they're each now looking at racing from the inside and the outside.

what I find interesting is that Max was just as much of a hyper competitive kid as everyone who came up through that system and from what I can tell he performed strongly enough to easily assume he could make F1 (but he doesn't seem to have assumed that) so him taking to this tiny kid with all these little quirks who was absolutely dusting boys older than him, idk that's just something special about Max. he comes across as kind of gruff or misanthropic at first but he's extremely emotionally intelligent and self-aware - he's always the one to open up and be vulnerable to Lando and unlike Lando he doesn't squirm or make jokes when things get serious. it sounds like I know the guy super well which obv I don't but idk, it just feels like Max is an easygoing but also extremely loyal guy - especially with Lando.

anyway I'm not enough of an authority on nortrell and if anyone wants to add to this please do <3 but yea

side note I always love how in this video we get a sort of funny confirmation that Max approves of Oscar as temporary guardian of Lando. but then I get a little emotional and serious about that bc Lando has cited precisely Oscar's ability to stay calm and not let things pile on top of him as something he's reminded to do for himself. and that Oscar quickly observed Lando and after only a couple months (or maybe even just a month) as his teammate realized that patience and loyalty are what make Lando feel the most relaxed and comfortable with someone. he's adorable and fun w the friends who make him laugh all the time and swat him down when he gives them attitude. but as a self-described shy kid who's also hyperactive, you can see the difference between Lando alone with Max and Lando with other friends. and well, Oscar spent years before his McLaren contract watching that dynamic so. makes sense he'd get the nod of approval from Lando's closest friend <3

#inchreplies #nortrell #landoscar #ln lore #please everyone with more lore knowledge add to this #inchidentallyanessay

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sophierequests · 1 year

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Hi! If I can't describe how much I love ur writing and how talented you are but may I request something? The reader is the definition of 'sweetheart' and they're from Ravka and misses home and even if they don't want to leave Kaz side, he still sends them to travel with Inej (even if it painful for him) and after staying there for a while they one day surprise him at his office and Kaz is just so happy. You don't have to write it by the way, take your time and take care<3 thank you

right where you left me

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Pairing: Kaz Brekker x gn!Reader

A/N: Aww, thank you so much <3 That's so sweet! I hope you like this too :D I procratinated a bit and had the draft sitting in my Google Docs for quite some time, but I finally had enough time/motivation to get it done. Also, my exam phase has started, so content in general may come out a little bit slower <3

Summary: Kaz sends the reader off to go travel with Inej, but didn't expect him missing them this much.

Genre: Hurt/Comfort elements, but mainly Fluff (???)

Word Count: 6.1K

Warnings: Poor (barely any) proofreading, mention of drinking and being drunk, forgetting to eat

“Inej!” you squealed as the familiar frame of your friend slipped into the living room. A wide smile graced her vibrant face as she opened her arms to engulf you in a tight hug. It had been roughly four months since she last docked in Ketterdam, so you were barely able to contain your excitement of finally seeing her again.

“Missed me?” she laughed as she pulled away, letting her gaze wander from you to an almost contended-looking Kaz. The rare sight of a genuine smirk tugged at the corners of his lips, accompanied by something dangerously close to a blush while he purposefully avoided her knowing glances. He looked like a besotted teenage boy, and it was hard not to notice.

Of course Inej knew the cause of this. She had known both of you long enough to be painfully aware of the effect you had on him; the effect you had on each other. You were intoxicating, a brief smile or laugh made him stumble even deeper into his dependency on you. And how could he not? You were the sun personified; warm and gentle and far too kind. He had told her once that he considered letting you go; you were all too good for the Barrel, and he couldn’t allow it to swallow you whole - the same as it had him. But it was clear that he’d never bring himself to do so. It was an act of complete selfishness to keep you here. He needed you to be around. He needed to know that you were around. The thought of you being out of his reach - albeit mainly metaphorically - unsettled him.

“They dragged me out of my office in the middle of a heist plan to sit here and wait for you to arrive. I suppose ‘missing you’ doesn’t quite cut it,” Kaz commented dryly, rolling his shoulders in a futile attempt to regain his composure.

“You were closer to falling asleep at your desk than getting anywhere with that damned heist planning, Brekker. Don’t act like you didn’t appreciate me forcing you to take care of yourself every once in a while.” His mouth opened for a split second, another one of his sarcastic comments starting to form on the tip of his tongue. He quickly swallowed it after Inej gave him an endearing grin.

You had intended to say something else in response to Kaz’s unusual silence to your light-hearted jabs, but suddenly, you remembered a conversation you had a few days prior. “Oh! Do you mind if I leave you two alone for a bit? I promised Jes to notify him the second you arrive.” You leaned a bit closer toward Inej, acting as if you were about to tell her something no one else was allowed to hear. “I think it’s about his plan to propose to Wylan soon, but you don’t know that from me. He thinks he’s being sly, but he really isn’t.”

Inej laughed, shaking her head before sending you off with a faint slap to the shoulder. You were out of the room before Kaz could put in his two cents.

When they heard the resounding click of the main door being shut, they knew that they were truly alone now. Anyone else would have been uneasy at the thought of being in the same room with the Bastard of the Barrel without having some other sort of company. But in this light, even the infamous Dirtyhands was nothing more but a lovesick boy, fully at the mercy of a person that held his heart in an undeniably firm grasp.

“How long can we expect you to stay in Ketterdam?” He knew exactly what she would ask him if he hadn’t started the conversation first, so he did everything in his power to keep her from speaking his feelings into reality.

She sauntered over to the table, taking the seat across from him with an exaggerated sigh. “Two weeks.” Her hands were idly clasped together in front of her, making it appear like she was trying to strike up a business deal instead of having an amicable chat with an old friend. "How long can we expect you to wait until you finally confess to them?”

Her bluntness definitely startled him more than he cared to admit. It wasn’t every day that someone dared to talk to him like that. “I don’t see how this topic has any relevance in our current conversation,” he mumbled, averting his gaze to look basically anywhere else but her eyes.

“If you say so,” she snorted, still opting to not create any unwanted tension on her first day of being back.

“Where will you be headed after these two weeks?”

A sheepish smile crept onto her face as she contemplated his question. “I received news from Sturmhond that would like to have a chat about the recent slaver fleets I… took care of. We’ll be docking in Os Kervo for quite some time. I’ll probably also meet up with Nina after she’s back from Fjerda. I haven't seen her in so long.”

“Ravka…” he sighed, his thoughts involuntarily landing back on you again.

Even though he couldn’t find much beauty in the vast Ravkan countryside and its ill-constructed cities or palaces, he knew that you missed your home dearly. You had been homesick ever since he had offered you to work with the Crows long-term, and he began to feel bad for rarely ever acknowledging it. At first, he had expected you to get over it eventually, but the more time he spent with you, the more he was assured that this wouldn’t be the case. Hypothetically, he could offer you to take a few weeks off to see your home and family. He’d need to find an appropriate excuse to let you go this easily, but lying had never been a weakness of his. However, this idea would also entail not seeing you for at least a handful of weeks, and he couldn’t do that. He didn’t want to do that.

“Y/N is going to be so happy to hear that I’ll be staying there for a bit. I promised them to check in on their family if I ever got the chance to go to Ravka,” Inej smiled woefully, knowing that merely hearing about your parents would probably already make you miss them more. “They gave me some letters for them when I last left Ketterdam. Now I finally have the chance to giv-”

“How much additional trouble would it be to take someone else with you?” Kaz interjected suddenly, schooling his expression in order to not betray the apprehension lingering behind his eyes.

“What?”

“Has the air pressure at sea made you go deaf? How much trouble would it be to have an unplanned passenger with you? At least until you arrive in Os Alta. Well, and preferably also on your way back.”

The hesitant, but defensive, tone in his voice told Inej everything she needed to know, but she still decided to entertain his implied suggestion. “It wouldn’t be any trouble. Well, depending on whom this 'unplanned passenger' might be."

“Good.” He paused, internally questioning whether this decision would be the right one to make. It was clear that it was what he needed to do, but he wasn't sure if he had the strength to go through with it. "Then I'd like to make a request, Captain Ghafa."

"You request I take Y/N with me when I leave for Ravka." He mentally shooed away the frown that threatened to crease his face. She was right, that was exactly what he wanted to ask her. But hearing her say the words out loud forced the vague idea to manifest into reality. And knowing that she could read him this easily deflated his ego quite a bit.

"Yes. I want you to take them with you. Let them see something else than the Barrel. Let them go home to their family. And…" And bring them back home, back to me, his mind finished.

Inej tilted her head to the side ever so slightly, biting away the impulse of asking him to continue his sentence. Instead, she opted to ask something different, “Are you sure?”

“Sure of what? Letting them go with you? I’m certain they’ll be able to handle themself just fine. If you thi-”

“Are you sure that you’re okay with letting them go?” His fingers flexed around his cup, visibly trying to hide the concern this comment had installed in him.

“It’s not like I’m letting them go forever, Inej,” he retorted, his voice sounding terribly unsure. “I trust you to bring them back safely on your next journey to Ketterdam.”

“That’s not what I meant, Kaz. Don’t act dense.” She was testing his limits and she knew it, yet she still continued. “We’ll be gone for multiple months. They’ll be gone for multiple months. And, as much as I hate to say it, there’s still the possibility of them choosing to stay with their family. Are you sure you’re okay with that?”

He hadn’t thought of her last point. Would you really consider not coming back to Ketterdam? Deep down he knew that there was nothing that kept you here. The Crows weren’t a set team anymore, you’d probably have no issues finding a new job in Ravka, and it wasn’t like he and you were in a relationship. If you wanted to leave, you could pack up tomorrow without having to worry about anything else but your next pay cheque. And knowing Kaz, you likely wouldn’t even have to worry about that either.

“I could give them a year off if that would be needed. I can take care of myself just fine, no matter whether they are here or not,” Kaz evaded the actual meaning of Inej’s words with much more clumsiness than he had hoped to convey. “And as long as they’re still working with me, I’ll at least expect them to come back to break off their contract.”

“Very well then. I suppose the Wraith has an additional passenger when we next leave the harbour.” She gave him a tight nod as a sort of confirmation. An unsaid promise to keep you safe. “You’ll be the one to tell them though. I’m not willing - nor able - to explain how deep your soft spot for them actually goes.”

“I do not have a soft spot for them.”

“You do not have a soft spot for whom?” Jesper’s overly cheery voice appeared at the threshold of the door, his breath ragged and cheeks flushed by the torturous climb up the stairs.

“No one,” Kaz and Inej answered almost synchronously, earning a slightly befuddled scowl from the antsy sharpshooter.

“Alright, alright, I was just asking.” He held up his hands defensively, dropping them as soon as you squeezed past him. Thankfully, you arrived just in time to miss their little squabble. “Anyway, look who’s back!” His attention flickered completely towards Inej, immediately moving towards her to trap her in his ramblings.

Kaz took that as his cue to leave them to it. “Y/N? I have something to talk to you about. Follow me.” He didn’t wait for you to give him a vocal response, turning on his heel to take the last few stairs up to his office. Nevertheless, reluctant footsteps echoed behind him as he entered his tidy office space.

Wordlessly, he sat down behind his desk, gesturing for you to take the seat across from him. Suddenly, everything felt uncomfortably stiff. It wasn’t at all like sitting at the living room table and talking to you just for the sake of it. But this was business after all, he thought begrudgingly.

“What is it you wanted to talk to me about?” you inquired slowly, accepting the offered seat with one leg tucked underneath you. He could sense the fear you emitted and it made him wonder what you were expecting him to say.

“Inej will leave for Ravka in two weeks,” he stated matter-of-factly. He needed to flush this out of his system as emotionless as possible, or else he might not be able to watch you go. A clean cut heals faster. “I want you to go with her.” It was foolish to hope that you would have no follow-up questions to a remark this sudden.

“You want me to leave?” You straightened your back, eyes wide and brows furrowed. His point clearly flew right over your head.

“No, I mean, yes.” The grave he was beginning to dig for himself looked more comfortable than genuinely having to finish this conversation. “I want you to go with her so that you can see your family. She already ensured that it would be no problem to take you with her, in case you worry about what she thinks about it.”

“My family? Why? I don’t understand?” Unease began to seep through you. Did something happen? Did he know something you didn’t?

He heaved a sigh, making a steeple of his fingers, a futile attempt to keep his hands in order. “You’ve been distracted lately.” He held up his hand to dismiss your incoming attempt at defending yourself. “And I don’t blame you; you’re homesick. I can’t force you to stay here, and if you miss your home, I can only advise you to take the trip.”

“Kaz, I can’t possibly leave for what could end up being months. This is still my job,” you had to stifle a chuckle, thinking that all of this was some sort of tasteless joke.

“And I’m still your boss. Hence why I am free to give you as much time off as you need to reconnect with your family." Even if it ends up in you choosing to leave permanently.

“Why would you do that?” You couldn’t quite grasp his reasons. As far as you knew, your performance hadn’t decreased, you weren’t to blame for a job failing, and you didn’t give him any reason to doubt your usefulness. There had to be something more to it.

“A distracted Crow is a dead one.” And I don’t want to lose you like this. “A bit of time away from the Barrel would do you some good. I expect you to be well-rested and fully functional once you return.” I want you to be happy when you return. If you choose to do so.

You stared at him for a bit longer, unable to form any coherent sentence that wouldn’t make you want to start crying. There was a foreign roundness to his words; something almost akin to kindness. He had never been cruel to you, but an offer this grand exceeded your expectations.

“Thank you,” you managed to force out without having your voice shiver or quake. “I mean it, Kaz. Thank you.” He had half-expected you to stand up and go back downstairs after agreeing to his offer. However, you stayed seated, a glint of hesitation pooling in your eyes. “Are you sure you’re okay with me leaving? I really don’t want to give you more work by be-”

“Y/N,” he warned, resisting the urge to chide you for your distrust in his decision-making. “I want you to take this time off. It’s fine. I’m not bargaining for what I can’t handle.”

“I just wanted to make sure.” Your previously perplexed expression was replaced by a playful grin, indicating that the majority of your doubts had ebbed away by now. “Just in case I have to brace myself for a mountain of letters begging me to come back.”

“In your dreams.”

Both Kaz and you were quite startled by how quickly the two weeks trickled by. Inej stayed at the Slat during her time in Ketterdam, spending her days joining you on heists, playing the engagement planner for Jesper and Wylan, and just barely surviving all that unresolved romantic tension between you and Kaz.

The evening before you were supposed to leave, Wylan and Jesper invited you to some sort of farewell party for you and Inej. It was terribly cheesy, especially since everyone’s favourite sharpshooter decided to amp up his theatrics to the max. You occasionally had to remind him that you were not leaving forever and that you’d most definitely be back in a few months.

When you returned to your own room, the only thing you wanted to do was sleep. It had been a long day spent packing and finishing the few last tasks that Kaz had given you. The anticipation of being only mere days away from seeing your family again had ebbed away, replaced by exhaustion and worry. Not the worry of going back to Ravka; it was the worry of leaving Kaz behind without anyone to take care of him. It was a foolish fear, the man was old enough to survive a few months of being left alone. And in reality, he wouldn’t be alone. Jesper and Wylan would still be right around the corner in case he needed anything. But you knew that it wouldn’t be the same without you. And he knew it too.

Before you could finally crawl into the comfort of your bed, you were forced to pause. Right in the dead centre of your mattress laid something shiny, haphazardly covered by a folded piece of parchment. You were hesitant to touch it at first, mentally assessing the possibility of it being a trap. However, your curiosity overtook your cautious stance.

You swatted the paper to the side, revealing a stunning dagger you didn’t recognise. The black handle was covered in intricate lines and symbols, making the whole weapon a piece of art in its own right. You pulled the dagger out of its shaft, revealing a slim, double-edged blade that looked almost too delicate to cause any serious harm.

After putting the knife down next to you, you picked up the piece of paper, carefully unfolding it in hopes of finding out who might’ve left it there. You didn’t even need to read the few scribbled words to get an answer to that.

“While I do believe that you’ll be fine on your own, consider this an added layer of safety.

Safe travels,

K.B.”

It felt unreal. The same man that didn’t shrink away from ripping somebody else’s eyes out or bashing another person’s head in with his cane was now willing to send you off to your home country and gift you a pretty little dagger under the ruse of wanting you to be able to defend yourself. It made you giddy.

Quickly, you shoved the knife into one of the side pockets of your bag, folding the note and tucking it away into the front pockets of your coat. He would probably sneer at you for holding onto something as worthless as a hastily written note, but to you, this meant the world.

On the day of your departure, the sky was thickly covered by a widespread sheet of dark storm clouds, announcing the approach of an upcoming storm. Perfect weather to embark on a ship for a week-long trip, you thought. You had packed everything you might need into the biggest bag you owned, which hung heavily on your shoulder as you approached the harbour. Inej’s small and compact travel bag next to yours made it seem like you were trying to abandon Ketterdam at once, rather than simply taking a short vacation to see your parents.

Much to Inej’s dismay, Kaz had decided to stay in his office, using the excuse of ‘having too much work’ and ‘not being able to indulge in matters this minuscule’. She could only scoff at that response but decided to not engage in his self-loathing musings. Her main focus was on getting you accustomed to her crew and the life on deck, so she couldn’t waste too much time thinking about a brooding emotionally stunted teenager.

You weren’t all that bothered by the fact that he stayed back. What Inej didn’t know was that he did say goodbye to you. Just in a very Kaz way.

“So, Captain Ghafa,” you smiled, putting a lot of emphasis on her title. “Where’s our first stop?”

The loneliness was terrible. It shouldn’t be terrible. He had been alone all those years before you showed up and managed just fine. Why did he let it bother him so much now?

But you didn’t know them all those years ago. You didn’t know what their absence felt like, so how could you have missed it? The nagging voice inside his head ridiculed him constantly. And the worst part was, that it was completely right.

He let his bare hand rake through his unruly hair, dropping it onto the table quite harshly as he began running out of things to put his focus on. Everything he did or thought of somehow circled back to you. Whenever he sat down at his desk to work, he imagined you sitting on the sofa across from him, skipping through one of his books while occasionally looking up at him with a bright smile on your lips. He couldn’t even eat breakfast in peace, because every time he entered the kitchen and the smell of freshly brewed coffee entered his nose, he wanted you to be the one sitting at the table, already having his cup sitting across from you. Three weeks was all that it took to make him regret all of the well-intentioned decisions he made in the spur of the moment.

Since rearranging the documents in front of him didn’t give him any sort of distraction, he decided to occupy his mind with something different. Well, a different stack of work: the upkeep of the Crow Club.

The club wasn’t busy during this time of the day, mainly filled with the usual day drinkers and gamblers that would waste their money until the early hours of the next morning. He let his gaze wander over the few occupied gambling tables and booths, taking in all the familiar and unfamiliar faces before weaving his way through the room. When he passed the bar, he had to do a double take to confirm that the person currently chatting up the bartender wasn’t you. He stopped dead in his tracks, unable to pry his eyes away from the scene in front of him.

That was until he heard his name being called, instantly snapping him out of his stupor. Jesper and Wylan sat only a few barstools away from him, amusedly waving him over to join them in whatever senseless discussion they had currently going on. Against his better judgement, he strolled over to them. He was in desperate need of a distraction. Any type of distraction.

“How close to insanity are you?” Maybe not that type of distraction.

“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean, Jesper,” Kaz warned, leaning his back against the counter and closing his eyes.

The two boys exchanged a knowing smile, fully intending on using this situation to annoy their friend. Jesper loosened his grip on the full shot glass, smoothly sliding it over to Kaz. Maybe a little bit of alcohol could remove the stick up his ass. “Their absence has taken a toll on you, hasn’t it?”

Kaz grunted in dismay, picking up the shot glass and downing it in one swift motion. A muscle in his jaw popped as he clenched his jaw, wallowing in the usually welcome feeling of sharp bitter alcohol running down his throat. Now, drinking just felt like a cheap means to an end.

But at least it was a mean to an end. Without thinking about it, he ordered more alcohol.

“Y’know, they would definitely tell you off for drinking this early,” Wylan chuckled, immediately regretting it after seeing the disgruntled glare Kaz passed him.

“Their opinion doesn’t concern me. I have other, more important, things to take into consideration.” He tried so hard to be convincing, however, Jesper’s excruciatingly loud snort told him that that ship had sailed, wrecked and sunk to the bottom of the True Sea in a matter of seconds.

“For a man that lies for a living, you’re quite shit at it,” the sharpshooter chuckled, shaking his head disapprovingly while Kaz continued to sulk. It was honestly painful to watch. “Admit it, you miss them.”

“Whatever armchair psychology you’re currently trying to submit me to is not working. I don’t have any deeper feelings for them than I have for the other people that work with me, so watch your tone.” The bartender placed a fresh glass of whiskey next to him, setting it down quite loudly to get him to register it. Kaz didn’t even spare him one look before putting the whole thing to his lips. He hoped that occupying himself with something other than talking would stop him from vocalising his honest thoughts.

“No one ever implied that you had feelings for them. But how telling that that’s the first thing you get so defensive about.” Jesper gave him a shameless grin, knowing that he had most definitely won the unspoken argument between them. “And, just so you know, whatever it is you’re feeling, they’re very likely to reciprocate it.” He flashed him a playful wink when he finished talking. It was the best kind of pep-talk he could offer, and it probably fell on deaf ears anyway.

“Don’t you have literally anything else to do? Anything that does not involve getting on my last nerve,” Kaz grumbled, finishing his drink and attempting to push himself away from the counter. However, when he tried to do so, he suddenly felt very light-headed, his body almost beginning to topple forward. His hand moved to cling to the edge of the counter, steadying himself almost desperately. The alcohol must have gotten to his head way quicker than expected.

“Woah, hold on there!” Jesper slid off his stool, holding his arms out in front of his friend to cushion the expected fall. “Are you okay, Kaz?”

“Are you drunk?�� Wylan added with a bit too much delight in his voice.

“Nonsense, I barely had anything to drink,” he tried to defend himself, futilely.

“What did you have for breakfast then?”

Breakfast. He didn’t have breakfast. He didn’t have breakfast since you left. Normally, you would have made sure to drag him down to the kitchen if need be. Without you, he simply forgot. If you’d get wind of this, you’d probably have a field day.

Inej had told him that it could take months for you to come back. She had explicitly warned him about the prospect of not seeing you for quite some time. Yet somehow, he hadn’t expected it to be genuinely true.

Your departure was six long and torturous months ago, and his mind was running wild whenever an unknown ship docked at Fifth Harbour. Time passed, and it didn’t - it won’t - stop, no matter how hard he tried.

He had even attempted to contact Inej once in the hopes of getting a rough estimate of when he could expect you to return, but of course, the message was promptly returned to the sender. At this point, he wasn’t certain whether he’d ever get to see you again; the mere thought of you deciding to stay in Ravka pained him, but there was still a small twinge of hope, tying him to the idea of you coming back to him.

Another day without you passed, and Kaz had decided - well, Jesper forced him - to get out of his office, dragging him down to the club and into one of the booths to waste the evening drinking and exchanging stories. It was a small distraction from the constant anxiety rushing through him, but it was appreciated nonetheless.

Until a very unbothered Rotty stalked towards their table, acting as if he was a misbehaving schoolboy that had been sent up to the headmaster’s office. “We have news from the Wraith,” he muttered, retrieving a folded note from the front pocket of his coat. The words made Kaz’s head spin, but the solemn look on Rotty’s face made him pause.

Hesitantly, he took the piece of paper from his hands, waiting for the messenger to leave before he opened it. Jesper and Wylan stopped their chatter, almost holding their breaths in anticipation while they watched every micro-expression that washed over their friend’s face.

Kaz sighed when he took in the words in front of him. Even though he hadn’t expected anything, he still felt disappointed in what he got. The entire note was just an utterly impersonal notice, telling him that it would take her at least three more months to return to Ketterdam. There was no mention of your well-being or whereabouts, no note on how to contact you, nothing.

“And? When will you be reunited with your- ow! Wylan, what was that for?”

“Just shut it, Jes!”

“They won’t be back for at least another three months,” he let out a huffed breath, tucking the piece of paper away in his breast pocket. Dismay was written all over his face as he stared down at this glass, unable to form a coherent thought that was not somewhat related to you.

Everyone knew the thoughts that clouded Kaz’s mind; mainly thoughts of you not coming back. Jesper wanted to say something encouraging, but the words died in his throat as soon as they formed. Instead, he quickly decided to change the topic, rambling on about some unimportant Ketterdam gossip Kaz wasn’t all that interested in. He still sat through it though.

On his way back to the Slat, he thought about all the work that would be waiting for him once he reached his office. Any other sensible person would have gone to bed by now, but he was far from being one, so sleeping was not an option.

He trudged up the creaky staircase with heavy steps, alerting everyone unfortunate enough to be awake of his presence. His bad leg felt like an anchor that kept pulling him down to the ground, his hand occasionally having to press down on a sore spot when the pain got too unbearable.

It took him way longer than usual to reach the top of the stairs, heaving a harsh sigh when he saw the faint flicker of a light fanning out from underneath his office door. He couldn’t even be trusted to turn off his damned lamps now, could he?

As he went to unlock the door, another buzz of confusion surged through him. The door had already been unlocked. That couldn’t be. He could have sworn that he locked it before leaving for the club. Had he imagined that too? Was he genuinely starting to become insane?

Pushing these unwelcome thoughts to the side, he swiftly opened the door. All of this could be chalked up to him being tired and a bit distracted. He didn’t particularly like any of these ideas, but he needed something to blame his recent behaviour on.

The room was faintly illuminated by the sparse light emitting from the oil lamp at the edge of his desk. It gave him the perfect view of the stack of unfinished paperwork, he chuckled internally. He limped over to his desk and let himself fall into his chair. Only now the real weight of the day hit him, a fully-loaded freight train running him over with full force. Saints, he was so tired. Resting his head in his hands, he let the silence of his office swallow him whole.

“Are you choosing to ignore me or did you really not notice me sitting here?” He jerked backwards, both hands holding on to the armrests of his chair in preparation to fight off whoever had the nerve to enter his office without his knowledge. His eyes were darting around the room wildly, latching on to every shadowed shape and figure that did as much as sway in the wind.

A shape in the corner of his room stood up, stepping a bit closer to the desk and into the glow of his lamp. It was you. You looked just like you had left him; vibrant, glowing, and warm. Maybe it was his mind playing tricks on him; maybe he just wanted it to be you. It all felt like a sick joke to him. You couldn’t be here. He would have known if that had been the case. He would have been the first to know.

“Kaz?” Your voice rang in his ears. Loud and clear. If this was an illusion, it was a damn convincing one.

“Stop it,” he tried shooing the apparition away, waving a dismissive hand as he slowly began to put his focus on the work in front of him. Much to his surprise, you didn’t just disappear into thin air. You gave him an incredulous grin, accentuated by a ridiculing snort.

“I was expecting you to be a bit happier to see me again,” you fake-pouted, using your best Jesper impression to convey your theatrical hurt.

This had to be real. As much as his mind may despise him, it couldn’t create images this livid; this real; this true. When the realisation struck him, he wasn’t quite sure what to do. His heart beat as if it was running a marathon, and he couldn’t help but feel dizzy. Not the kind of dizziness he felt after drinking on an empty stomach. Rather the kind of dizziness that makes your head spin and heart ache because you have no other way to deal with the immense array of feelings bubbling inside his chest. He didn’t recall the last time he felt like this.

After a period of silence that could have just as well lasted hours, he finally caught himself again. “You’re here,” he mumbled, still having trouble with coming to terms with the situation.

“Of course I am. Did you really think that I was going to never show up again? No faith, Brekker.” You smiled then, sitting on the edge of his desk to get a closer look at him. He looked exhausted, the eyebags under his eyes raising a stark contrast against his almost pallid skin.

He sucked in a harsh breath, allowing his eyes to roam over his features for what felt like the hundredth time in the last few minutes. The smile that you were giving him made him feel uncharacteristically giddy, but for once in a while, it wasn’t a feeling he wanted to gag and lock away in the deepest depths of his conscience. For the first time in forever, he felt happy.

“I never doubted that you’d come back.” A lie of convenience, but you didn’t need to know that. “It’s just that Inej sent a message-”

“That she won’t be back in Ketterdam for at least another three months. I know.” You completed his sentence effortlessly, your hands mindlessly playing with one of his fountain pens. “Whatever she discussed with Sturmhond seems to be important enough to take a trip to Novyi Zem before she’d be able to set sail to Ketterdam.” You bit your lip in thought, contemplating what you were about to say next. “I didn’t feel like staying back for that long, so I took matters into my own hands and bought a ticket for the next best ship leaving for Kerch. It was great seeing my family again, but I missed the Dregs - as stupid as it sounds.”

Kaz chuckled, your words having an almost intoxicating effect on him. “Be assured that the Dregs missed you too.”

“Just the Dregs?”

He hesitated. He’d been dying to see you again; to tell you the truth. Yet now, things felt way too real, pressing down on his ribcage with a force he couldn’t quite comprehend. He couldn’t hesitate forever though. “No, not just the Dregs.” Another pause, brief but intense. “I missed you too. Almost enough to send you a letter requesting you to come back.”

“And here I thought you gifting me a pretty dagger was the height of romance,” you laughed, watching in delight as his gaze flickered to the shiny weapon tightly strapped to your belt. He hadn’t thought about checking whether you had taken it with you, or whether you had just chalked it up to being a weird act of possessiveness. But seeing you wear it this openly ripped all the doubts away from his mind. “And, just for the record,” your hands flew to the breast pocket of your coat, carefully retrieving the familiar piece of paper he had added to the knife. “I missed you too.”

Taglist:

Grishaverse fics in general: @yesshewrites1 @dal-light

Kaz Brekker: @ell0ra-br3kk3r @juneberrie @writingmysanity @b3kk3r-by-br3kk3r @brekkers-desigirl @fall-writes @lastwandastan @etanordoesbullsh1t

#kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker fluff #kaz brekker imagine #six of crows x reader #six of crows imagine #grishaverse x reader #grishaverse fanfic

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gemapples · 4 months

Text

see you in 2024 💗💗

very personal ramble about my year and experiences, etc. under the cut. kind of neg just a warning but if anyone would be willing to read it the whole way through i'd appreciate it so so much

2023 was certainly... a year for me. had many highs but a Ton of lows, went forward one step but took two steps back. i'd be lying if i said i didnt struggle and know what to do for a lot of it

i did get to meet and even become friends with people i look up to, got to learn new things i didn't know before. and one of the problems i noticed throughout this year is i spent way more time than i needed to focusing on my usefulness for others and what i can do for people rather than prioritizing myself and my mental health. i think a lot of problems i experienced in 2023 was due to me getting too caught up in how i'm perceived by others (especially on social media like tumblr). for 2024 i want to work on this and be sure to put myself first in every situation and be the best person i see myself as -- not overdo it for the sake of others. i'm going to try being more straightforward with myself and how i choose to approach people. i want to be more involved in this fandom and get to know more people who love kirby better rather than just hiding away and watching from the side like i have for many years, waiting for them to approach me first at some point. i made a lot of progress on this a lot in 2023 but i could always be better :')

regardless though, i wouldn't have been nearly as ready to get back on track if it weren't for the support you all have given me throughout this year. august and september were two of the worst months i've ever experienced; i won't get into it (if you know you know), but goddd was it harder than i can even describe. i've never had to go through something that resulted in me questioning my Entire artistic ability, my whole worth, and whether everything i've grown and learned from is just completely fake. i couldn't look at my work and all of my social medias without being completely disgusted and disappointed with myself. i'm in art student too, so you can imagine how fucking hard it was to balance and muscle through that as well lol. it was nothing but hell. if i didn't get the support i did from everyone, i can say with full confidence i wouldn't have been able to pick up my pencil phone and get back to drawing Nearly as quickly as i did. in fact, i probably would still be deeply effected by it and not have the motivation to continue posting for at least a long while. so i seriously can't thank you enough for that. all the words i was told still stick with me to this day and gave me a reason to keep pushing and learn to better understand myself

im tearing up as i write this so i'll have to cut it short LOL but i want to express how deeply it means to me that through all the conflict i've experienced throughout this year, you guys were there for me and were so generous to offer your time to support me and help me out. knowing i make at least one person smile and enjoy what i post is enough for me. hopefully 2024 will be easier on the emotional rollercoasters, i think all of us could use a long break from chaos really lol

thanks for everything and i love you

-mac

#i dont like being this vulnerable on main but yeah #thank you and happy 2024

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teaandransacking · 1 year

Note

Heyyyyy <3

I just wanted to ask if you could write a Lockwood x reader where the reader can't sleep because she had to much coffee in the day because of pervious nights events and she needed the energy. So Lockwood cuddles with her until she falls asleep

Love flames xxxxx btw happy easter xxxxx

Of course! Thank you for the request <3

How much coffee can someone drink before the caffeine in it starts to give them adverse effects?

You stand in the kitchen of Portland Row, staring at the back of the tin of coffee. The only warning is: can lid and edges may be sharp after opening.

Fat lot of good that is, you think, snorting, and you’re about to spoon out another heap of coffee grounds into your mug when you notice your hand shaking a little.

Maybe it’s time to switch to decaf coffee. Or tea.

The kitchen door opens, interrupting you, and Lockwood saunters in. It’s the only way to describe his walk - although if Kipps is nearby, swagger works better.

He sniffs the air as he comes to stand next to you. “Not coffee again. Have you not tried tea?”

You shoot him a withering look. “Don’t you have any other jokes?”

He grins. “None you’d laugh at.” He takes a mug and a teabag from the cupboard, and looks at you again, and you get the feeling that he always sees more than you want him to. “Seriously, are you okay?”

You take a deep breath and sag against the kitchen worktop. “I keep thinking about the haunting last night. I expected it to be scary but instead, it was just…”

Letting your eyes drift closed, you picture the child ghost, scared, lashing out to protect itself from whatever, or more likely, whoever, had hurt it in life.

“Sad,” Lockwood finishes, softly.

“And I don’t want to sleep, so.” You salute him with the empty mug.

He gently takes the mug from your hands. “I think I’m going to confiscate this and the tin of coffee. It’s about a hundred years old, anyway - definitely past its use by date.”

You chew your lip. “If you’re going to take the coffee away, I’ll need another way to stay awake.”

Lockwood shakes his head. “You’ve been awake for what, now - over twenty four hours? You need sleep, darling.”

The endearment makes your stomach flip in the most delicious way.

“But-”

“No buts.” He pushes aside his own mug. “What can I do to make you less afraid?”

A memory surfaces, but you hesitate.

He sees it. “What is it?

His voice is so gentle and his brown eyes are warm and bottomless.

“My mum used to curl herself around me, when I couldn’t sleep as a child.” Your face heats. “But I don’t-”

Lockwood nods, as if it’s settled. “That’s what we’ll do.”

You stifle a surprised laugh. You’ve been yearning after him for weeks and all you had to do was develop a little bit of insomnia?

Except it’s not really funny, is it? Not when you think back to the naked fear on that little visitor’s face.

“Are you sure?”

“I need my agents at full health,” he responds, but his tone is feather soft. He holds out his hand, palm up, and you put yours over it. His fingers curl around yours, and just that bit of contact sends every fibre of your being into a flurry of sparks.

Will you get any sleep with him so close?

“Where?” you ask.

“Your bed? If that’s okay, of course,” he adds.

That he’d repeatedly check with you is such a balm to your tired soul. “Yes. That’s perfect.”

Lucy and George are out. Lucy’s been drafted in as a deputy researcher today, so it’s just you and Lockwood at home. He leads you up the stairs to your room, and they creak under your steps, but it’s a happy, familiar sound.

You push the door open with your free hand.

“Pyjamas?” Lockwood asks.

“Nah.” You’re already wearing comfy clothes. Now that you’re faced with your bed, you’re exhausted. Tiredness drags at you with heavy hands. You yawn hugely.

“Excellent sleep prep,” Lockwood teases gently, as you toe off your slippers.

You’re hesitant to get into bed, but he says, sensing your discomfort, “You go under the covers. I’ll go on top of them.”

“Thankyou.”

He inclines his head, says nothing, just waits for you.

You slip under the covers, but then your whole body tenses up. What if you dream of that small, sad face, frozen forever in fear?

Lockwood climbs on to the bed and settles in beside you.

“We put the child to rest,” he reminds you.

You turn to face him. “I’m afraid I’ll have a nightmare.”

Whisper-soft, he presses a kiss to your forehead. “I’ll stay here, so if you do, you can wake me up and tell me about it.”

You wouldn’t, you think. He always looks so tired. You wouldn’t wake him. You’d do anything to get him the rest he needs.

Maybe this will serve you both.

You snuggle up to him, as much as you can with the sheets and quilt between you. His lips are warm against your hairline. He folds his hands under his cheek and you do the same, facing each other like kids on a sleepover.

“Okay?” he asks.

Perfect. But you just say, “Yes. Thanks.”

But you can’t bring yourself to close your eyes.

Lockwood clears his throat and begins, “Did I ever tell you about the time George and I found a stray cat? It had this awful smell, and we decided to bathe it…”

The story is hilarious and sweet by turns, but you don’t hear the end. You fall asleep to Lockwood’s deep, soft voice and the feel of his warm body snuggled up to yours.

And in the morning, when you wake, rested, he’s snoring softly next to you, and it’s your new favourite way to wake up.

#anthony lockwood x reader #anthony lockwood #lockwod and co fanfiction #tumblr askbox #anthony lockwood x you

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melisusthewee · 4 months

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youtube

In my ongoing attempt to convince people to watch this movie (because it is so fucking good you have no idea), I put together this list of reasons why you need to watch this film. Sorry, but I can't be normal about this:

None of the backgrounds or environments are CGI! Those mountains? Those are the Andes! That's the real Valley of Tears! While filming with the actors was done in a different location (I believed they filmed in the Sierra Nevadas?), location photography and filming was done in the Andes and then spliced accordingly into the film.

It's an ensemble piece! Until now, most movies/docs/books have (understandably) focused almost exclusively on Nando Parrado and Roberto Canessa because of their 10 day trek through the mountains. But the group was more than just the two of them and this film shows that by emphasizing everyone's importance and roles in their survival.

Having said that, NANDO PARRADO IS THE FUCKING GOAT. This guy fractured his skull during the crash which caused his brain to swell. Everyone thought he was dead at first and only brought him back inside the plane when someone noticed he was still breathing. Even then, he wasn't expected to survive for very long so the others placed him where it was coldest which ended up saving his life as the cold temperature along with dehydration helped bring the swelling in his brain down. He was in a coma for three days, woke up to learn his mother was dead and his sister was dying, and decided, "Fuck this, I am getting off this mountain and you're all doing it with me." AND THEN HE DID, part of which involved hiking for 10 days across the Andes with NO GEAR.

The decision to make Numa Turcatti the narrator was brilliant. I cannot say more due to spoilers but iykyk.

Speaking of other films (looking at you, 1993's "Alive"), this movie cast exclusively Uruguayan (and some Argentinian) actors in order to give it proper authenticity.

This movie does not fuck around, with the crash happening within the first 15 minutes of the movie. And it is horrible in that it is probably one of the most accurate portrayals of a plane crash? I don't like flying, and I was incredibly anxious watching it to the point where I thought initially I might have to turn it off. But despite this, it never feels exploitive or anything. Just... real.

The entire movie was shot chronologically in order to give the make-up team an easier time with getting the actors to look increasingly gaunt and disheveled as well as adding a tighter consistency between shots and scenes. Many of the actors lost upwards of 50 lbs by the time filming was concluded.

For the avalanche scene, the actors were buried under nearly 8 inches of real snow. Because of this, the redness of their skin isn't the work of make-up or special effects but is very real.

Michael Giacchino's score. But even more importantly, his use of silence.

Honestly, this movie feels genuinely cold in a way that most movies and tv shows never quite capture. The sound of frozen clothing crunching, the frost that covers them, the clear impact of cold and frost on hair and skin, the shaking and shivering. It's really hard to describe, but like... it didn't feel like these were just actors on a set walking around. It felt genuinely cold.

The payada (rhyming/rap battle) was entirely improvised by the actors.

Enzo Vogrincic (Numa) looks like a young Adam Driver. You know you want to watch him stare soulfully into the camera for two hours. (But really, the acting in this movie is phenomenal.)

For Cold Boy fanciers, Gustavo Zerbino is basically the group's Goodsir - a cinnamon roll doing his best.

Fito Strauch's homemade sunglasses!

I could write an essay about the way the film confronts and portrays the cannibalism. Since I've rambled on long enough, let me just say here that it feels authentic in the way it's handled and not like you typically expect to see in stories like the Franklin Expedition, the Essex, or the Donner Party. (My only criticism is that it looks like they used raw chicken as the meat? And I unfortunately happen to know that human meat very much does not look like chicken.)

MOST IMPORTANTLY, this movie gives voices to those who didn't survive the mountains. And yes, it is a story about survival (and is a wonderful portrayal of positive masculinity) but it is really a story about love. Love for one's friends. Love for each other. And how love is the only way we survive.

#i am not normal about this film okay #sorry not sorry #but it's so crunchy and leaves you with so much to think about #i'm really sad it never got any theatrical showings near me #Youtube

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oogaboogaspookyman · 5 months

Text

Lmfao N says fuck fic how original

[SNAP]

"So, N..." Uzi sits down on her Spinny Chair Of Genius™, as she likes to call it, as N sits on a beanbag. "Since i am your new apparent admin, this means i have some form of control over you and V, yeah?"

"I guess?" N shrugs "I mean- i don't know, i'm not the human that made me, i don't know my inner workings..."

He suddenly has a small thought start to grow in his head, and immediately lets it slip out of curiosity. "Wh- what are you trying to do?? Are you gonna look through my settings..?" He scratches his head in a bashful manner, blushy as it's literally some very delicate and probably private stuff.

Uzi grins like the absolute gremlin she is, sharp teeth shining like the blade of a knife, as she fidgets with her fingers at the most chaotic thought she's had so far. Key word being: so far.

"I'm just gonna make a test, nothing harmful~" She giggles. N looks at Uzi with a metaphorical drop of sweat running down his visor as he thinks of the times Cyn giggled back in the mansion. She definetly made giggles way less scary than Uzi's.

Next day...

It started with Uzi's alarm going off. She slaps her own visor, turning it off, and promptly gets up. N seems to be deep in his sleep... Wonder what he's dreaming about? She kinda hopes it's her, but it's not something she'll reveal to any one schmuck at ALL, so thank me later.

i don't want to kill you. i don't want to kill anymore. i need you. don't go. don't leave me. please. i don't want to kill you. the universe is at risk. i can't lose more people in my life. i have to protect the universe. but you are my universe. please. no. don't go. please. i love you. i'm sorry.

XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDDISASSEMBLYREQUIREDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD

M1S5 M3? :)

"N!!" He wakes up screaming, startling Uzi who's sitting conviniently really close and in front of him. On top of his lap. Like in those bits in movies where the love interest is uncomfortably close to the main character. Like that. Yeah.

"Hi Uziii...??" N whispers in bashful surprise as she processes the situation. Okay so i'm sitting here right in front of him and he just woke up and sat up really close to my face it's looking like something else is gonna happen and oh my robo-god i am going to fuckin' pass out hhhhh-

"aaaaaooOKAYWEGOTTAGOORELSEWERELATETOTHEFUCKINGSCHOOLSHITAAAA" N yelps Uzi pushes him away by the face in a rush. N gets back up to yell (but like- not angry or anything, more like yelling so she hears him clearly) "Language! Your dad's around, you know?? It's why i say"biscuits" instead, i don't wanna be rude!". It's a long pause of silence as he thinks, realizing... "How can you even swear at all by the way???"

It started with a horrible, terrifying, traumatic, very lore heavy nightmare along with a scare and rush to school. This day is certainly not gonna go all too well and i am here for it he's boutta SNAP lol.

Next it was Lizzy doing her usual popular girl spoiled brat bullshit, and N cannot kill her because murder as a whole is wrong and it's no solution to anything at all. Uzi knows this and it bothers her so much more than i can describe.

Next was the teacher being this smug idiot doing whatever, giving the class a dumb thing to do without caring about anything, only looking through his phone either busy with other work or straight up messing around. Uzi and N are very much bothered by this and Uzi wants to speak up... Which she does. To no avail, as the teacher ran out of fucks to give. N just tolerates and tries to lighten up the mood by being his friendly self (got a dude and a chick head over heels for him and he doesn't realize, thinks they're just extra friendly), but it's mostly very little effect. All because he doesn't wanna be rude. It's gonna get real soon enough though.

Next was the discrimation towards N, as he is a Disassembly Drone and they're pretty scared of him... Well at least it's not ALL of them, some are very much enjoying his presence. Why that is i'll tell you in the dms because i don't think i can say it here lmfao.

Next was the teasing. Yes some drones in the school figured out the whole Nuzi shebang and are now teasing them about it. "Hey purple girl, how's the biting like?", "How does your murder buddy kiss? I'm just curious~", "How's it like living with a small girl like her? Bet she likes it when you pick her up~", "N you are so much better than her, there's that other murderous girl out there that killed Doll's parents, she seems right up your ally!", and it just doesn't stop. Ever. N is genuinely bothered by this, he's very uncomfortable.

Inconvience after inconvience, minor and major, impactful and not, it just doesn't friggin' STOP.

Luckily that's all there is, they're going home! Albeit not very happy but they're going to their comfortable space of a home nonetheless!

But i did say he's gonna snap at some point.

"Uzi, have you seen my glasses? I gotta read something important" Says Khan, not actually needing glasses as he's a robot, he can see just fine, but everyone in Copper 9 is all mimicking humans so Khan doesn't realize that and needs glasses anyway.

"I'm getting them, Mr. Uzi!" N chirps, happy to help like all the time, as he jumps up from his seat and walks around, looking for Khan's glasses. "Thanks, Uzi's very lucky to have you as this potential boyfriend!" Uzi lets out a very UNHOLY screech of embarrassment as she yells "HE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND". N does sigh at this, but he's too busy looking for Khan's glasses to care.

"Ooh! There you are!" N whips out a pair of glasses from inside... Uzi's wardrobe?? Does she prank him often??? Anywho, he found the glasses!

"I got 'em Mr. Uzi!! I found them in Uzi's wardrobe which is very weird and raises a few questions but i found them nonetheless!!" Khan processes the statement and wheezes as a response.

"What? What's funny??" N is very confused. Khan chuckles as he pats N in the back, "What just happened while i was sleeping was that Uzi just hid them away as a prank of sorts, she's very mischievous!" He's giggling as he explains, and so does N because come on it's funny how could he not?

Oh and N drops the glasses in his giggle fit. Resulting in them breaking upon landing. They stop laughing as they notice this.

N's eye twitches as his hands vibrate.

"N it's okay, i'll just get new ones-" says Khan, immediately interrupted by the next paragraph under this one

"MOTHERFUCKER!!!"

Khan is startled and frozen up in shock. Uzi heard that from the other room and is also shocked. If there were birds in Copper 9 they would fly away in flocks.

"Are you- are you okay-" Khan's interrupted again. "NO I'M NOT OKAY SHIT JUST KEPT HAPPENING AND I'M FUCKING PISSED ABOUT THAT AND BECAUSE I COULDN'T FUCKING DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. SON OF A BITCH THEY KEPT ON TEASING ME AND BEING WEIRD AROUND ME AND OH MY FUCKING GOD WHY CAN'T I JUST BE TREATED LIKE A NORMAL FUCKING DRONE?!?!?!"

Khan is frozen in shock as Uzi silently giggles to herself from the other room. "It worked! I turned off his filter holy shit it worked eheheheheee!"

"I'M... I'm going outside for a breather, be right fuckin' back" N storms out through the front entrance, as Khan holds a hand out trying to stop him, "it's sunny outside, careful-" but it was too late.

"FUUCK!!" And so N storms right back in, with burns on his casing, "I'm going to Uzi's room then"

"I DID IT!!" Uzi whisper-yells to herself. Somehow.

Twas a very loud and messy day, hope you enjoyed this lmao

#murder drones #serial designation n #uzi doorman #nuzi #khan doorman #lizzy murder drones #tw swearing #like a LOT it's really scary #spooker's writing #also yeup lotta Nuzi in there lol it's fucking adorable and funny as hell haha

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snowmist-hashira · 9 months

Note

Hiiiiiiii omg you really feeding us with the Yuichiro content! It's so good I swear my day brightens when I reread your fics every time! They're such a pick me up!! May I request a scenario where reader kabedons him? Ahhhhh he'd totally have the reaction where his knees give out beneath him and he slides down the wall! Especially if reader is taller than him and she holds his chin and tilts his head upward. Cause honestly he's probably the same height as Muichiro and 160 cm is pretty smol ngl but ITS SO ADORABLE I SWEAR ESPECIALLY IN THIS SETTING!

And then imagine he's sitting there on the floor, red faced and practically smoking and then reader realises she probably shouldn't leave him there all unresponsive and stuff so she goes to look for Muichiro, but Muichiro finds Yuichiro there first, and he's just so confused and is like "Yui? What... happened? Why are you sitting on the floor here?" And either Yuichiro is completely broken and can't even say anything, or he tries and can only get out unintelligible flustered noises.

Thank you so much for taking time to read this! And do take care and take your time! ♡♡

[Chapter title: Assertive Proclamations]

[Requested] Yuichiro Tokitou x Reader

Wattpad:(One shots) Tokito Twins x Reader Archive:Kimetsu No Yaiba: Tokitou Twins x Reader Details: ♠ Information ♠ Master list: ♠ Yuichirou Tokitou ♠ Word count: 1,665

Artist: natsuneco_02[夏猫]

Links; Twitter

This could become one of my favorite fanfics that I've created. Describing the readers' actions was so enjoyable (and relatable), haha. Also, thank you to @kurumi-igarashi for giving me a few ideas that I used in this fic!

It brings me immense joy to know that my fictions can brighten your day! And the fact that you've re-read them, OMG. I hope this one will flutter your heart just as you anticipated~

I'll be taking a break from writing for a few days, so there won't be any new uploads during that time. However, you can always check my pinned post to see if there are any upcoming stories that I'll be publishing, thank you everyone~

(Scheduled)

The Tokito twins had always been popular in school, thanks to their striking appearances and impressive skills in shogi. Everything about them exuded perfection. Despite the older twin's stoic and cold demeanor, students, especially females, were still drawn to him.

Now, picture this: When Yuichiro Tokito, the older twin, started to show a softer and more gentle side, it caused quite a stir among the students at school. His stoic and cold demeanor had previously contributed to his allure, but now, with this newfound subtlety kindness, he became even more intriguing to others.

His change in behavior didn't go unnoticed, girls, in particular, found themselves drawn to him even more. They saw this as a chance to break through his tough exterior and discover the person he truly was underneath. Yuichiro's popularity soared, and he unwittingly became the subject of many crushes and admirers.

Y/n discreetly glared at the girls from behind her hands, her elbows resting on the desk, and her chin supported by her palms. She couldn't understand why they were suddenly showing so much interest in her boyfriend, Yuichiro now that he had let his guard down a bit.

Although she knew that his popularity was inevitable given his captivating charm, the newfound interest from other girls made her slightly uneasy.

Part of her wanted to remind them that he was already taken as she couldn't help but feel a tinge of jealousy as she saw the other girls gawking at Yuichiro.

“Y/n… You look like you’re about to murder someone.” Y/n's friend nervously chuckled at her intense glare and the potential effect it could have on the unsuspecting students. Her friend knew better than to mess with Y/n when she was in this mood.

"I almost regret asking Yui to be a bit gentle..." Y/n muttered, her glare unwavering as she observed the students who seemed oblivious to the hint. She was the reason for Yuichiro's sudden change in demeanor, while she wanted him to be acknowledged beyond his cold exterior, she hadn't anticipated the amount of attention it would attract, and it was starting to infuriate her.

"Maybe you should ease up a bit on the death glares," her friend suggested half-jokingly. "I know it's frustrating to see so much attention on Yuichiro, but remember, you're the reason for his change and well, now everyone's taking notice."

Y/n sighed, trying to relax her facial expression but still finding it challenging to shake off her irritation. "I know," she replied. "I just didn't expect it to be like this. I wanted him to be more open-hearted, but I didn't anticipate the whole school fawning over him."

Her friend nodded sympathetically. "But hey, Yuichiro is with you, and he loves you. I don't think he's paying much attention to all the extra attention he's getting. Besides, I'm sure he's still the same guy you fell for, just with a few more layers revealed."

"I know that..." Y/n said, her expression showing a hint of a pout. "It's just that these girls are acting as if Yui isn't taken. They're shamelessly flirting with him," she continued, squinting her eyes as she glared at the girls once again, her voice dangerously low.

Her friend could see why the situation was genuinely bothering her, and she understood it. Dealing with other girls openly flirting with Yuichiro was a valid concern, and it was testing Y/n's patience.

"I get it, Y/n," her friend said, empathizing with her frustration. "It's not easy seeing other girls act like he's available when he's clearly not. But you know what? It's a testament to how attractive and desirable Yuichiro is, and you're the one he chose. So, take it as a compliment to your taste in guys."

Y/n nodded, still pouting a bit but trying to keep her emotions in check. "I know, but it's hard to watch, especially when they know he's taken."

"True, some people just lack boundaries," her friend replied.

After a while, lunch break arrived, most of the students had already left the room, Y/n took the opportunity to gather her belongings and tidy up her desk. She carefully placed her notebooks back into her bag, one hand occupied with the task while the other held a drink box carton that she sipped on silently.

As she looked around the classroom, she noticed some of the girls still stealing glances at Yuichiro, who was sitting a few rows away, engrossed in a shogi puzzle.

"I'm glad to see you're managing your feelings quite well," her friend remarked, but Y/n didn't immediately reply, her gaze still fixed on her boyfriend.

Just then, a girl approached and touched Yuichiro's shoulder, causing Y/n to grip her empty carton drink tightly, her grip was so strong that it crumpled under the pressure. The sound of the crushed drink box emphasized her tension, and her initial composure seemed to falter in an instant.

Her friend couldn't help but sweat drop, taking back what they said, "...Or not," realizing Y/n's true feelings were still simmering beneath the surface.

"What do you mean? I'm perfectly composed," Y/n replied, turning to her friend with a forced smile. However, her darkened expression and the increasingly tight grip on her empty drink gave away the truth behind her words.

“I'm sure you are," her friend said with a hint of sarcasm, but she couldn't help but add, "Except for the fact that you're crushing that poor drink box like you're crushing your frustration."

Y/n let out a sigh, finally releasing her grip on the crumpled drink she had consumed. Her friend patted her back, trying to offer some comfort. "I'll head over to the cafeteria, want to come?" the friend asked.

Y/n glanced at Yuichiro and the girl who were engaged in conversation. It was evident that Yuichiro was still adjusting to his new demeanor, attempting to put on a polite smile that only made him more attractive.

"Nah, you go first," Y/n replied, her gaze still fixed on Yuichiro and the girl. She wanted to observe the situation a bit longer.

“Y/n… Please don’t murder anyone.” Her friend chuckled nervously, knowing her well enough to understand the intensity of her emotions.

"I won't.” Y/n replied with a small smile, trying to ease the tension in the air.

Her friend nodded and headed to the cafeteria, giving Y/n some space to collect her thoughts. Taking a moment to compose herself, Y/n made her way over to where Yuichiro and the girl were talking. As she approached, she noticed the girl giving her a curious glance before excusing herself and leaving. Y/n didn't know if the girl sensed the tension or if she was just being polite, but she was grateful for the space.

Yuichiro turned to her, his smile genuine but with a touch of concern. "Is everything okay?"

"I despise it," Y/n began, looking down at him, since she was slightly taller and he was sitting.

"Eh?" Yuichiro's sudden panic was evident as he stood up, concerned about Y/n's reaction. He had never seen her express such strong emotions before, and he felt a pang of worry, fearing that he might have done something to upset her.

"Y/n, what's wrong? Did I do something to upset you?" he asked gently, reaching out to her. "A-Am I not doing what you wanted me to do properly?" Yuichiro's voice trembled with concern, worried that he might not be fulfilling her expectations.

Y/n looked at him, sweat dropping, and uttered her words, "No, you're doing great, honestly... Too well..." Her response hinted that Yuichiro's efforts were perhaps a bit too effective for her liking.

Yuichiro blinked in confusion, trying to understand Y/n's words. "Too good? What do you mean?"

Y/n looked at him, amazed by his adorably dense nature. She released a soft sigh before gently pushing him against the wall. Placing her hands on the sides of his head, she pinned him without restricting his hands. The sudden action surprised Yuichiro, he immediately blushed, taken aback, his heart pounding at his girlfriend’s straight forwardness.

“Yuichiro.” Y/n began, Yuichiro's breath caught in his throat as Y/n's intense gaze held him captive. He was taken aback by her sudden boldness and the closeness between them, their faces a few inches apart. His heart raced, and he struggled to find the right words to respond.

A mischievous smirk appeared on Y/n's lips as she reached out and gently held Yuichiro's chin, tilting his head up to meet her gaze. "You're mine, okay?" she asserted, her eyes locked with his minty orbs.

Yuichiro's breath hitched as Y/n's touch sent shivers down his spine. He couldn't tear his gaze away from her intense eyes, feeling a rush of emotions swirling within him. Her assertiveness and possessiveness took him by surprise, but there was something undeniably alluring about it.

His knees buckled, and he slid down the wall, leaving Y/n taken aback. Yuichiro was blushing profusely, his mouth slightly agape, and he seemed unresponsive. Fortunately, there was no one else around in the room to witness his reaction.

‘Ah... I forgot that he can't handle surprises,’ Y/n thought to herself, realizing that she might have caught him off guard with her straightforwardness.

Y/n attempted to shake his shoulder gently, but it proved futile as Yuichiro remained unresponsive. Worried, she quickly left the room to find his younger twin, Muichiro.

However, just a few seconds after Y/n left, Muichiro returned and saw his older twin, Yuichiro, blushing like a tomato and sitting on the ground, he couldn't help but raise an eyebrow in curiosity. It wasn't a common sight to see Yuichiro in such a state.

“Nii-san? What… What happened to you?” Muichiro asked, a mix of concern and amusement in his voice.

Yuichiro stammered, trying to find the right words to explain the situation. "I-I... Y/n... she said..." He trailed off, unable to form a coherent sentence.

"Ah..." At the mention of Y/n's name, Muichiro immediately understood what had happened.

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hilsoncrater · 11 months

Note

when ted shakes the snowglobe and thinks of the people he's leaving behind, the first person he thinks of is trent

and it's not just that he's thinking about trent; he's thinking about the love letter trent wrote him, how ted loves it (and draws a moustached smile to make trent smile), but how ted can't possibly accept it [it being all about him]. and yet he sees trent in golden, sunflower, home.

literally SO fucking ill about this, thank you, anon.

i truly believe if dottie hadn't manipulated/triggered ted like she did the episode beforehand, something would have become of ted and trent. it's right there in what you described! there's always been this silently loud, gravitational pull between them.

trent is who ted thinks of first when he thinks of richmond, when he pours celebratory shots after victories, when he looks across a locker room while making a point in a speech.

ted is who trent thinks of first when he thinks of richmond, when he goes to follow his bliss, when he wants to live his life authentically.

it's truly bizarre and so so sad to see ted not be able to accept his positive role in other's lives. it's easier for him to lean into the role of Fixer with henry, to self-blame, to only view the negative role he (falsely!) believes he plays in his son's life. he cannot handle even the slightest notion of merging both aspects of his two separate lives (remember colin's ache? the concept could apply here too) because to do that requires acceptance of the self.

which! trent mentioned in the last diamond dogs meeting that it's not about change so much as acceptance of your past. ted was getting better through the season and he was starting to accept his past, until dottie steamrolled in during a vulnerable moment and fucking threw it back in his face. "your son misses you." + "fuck you."

every action ted has done in the series has been to not wind up like his father. he consciously chose to be kind and forgiving and optimistic when it would have been easier (and at times healthier) to lean into anger and hurt. his father's suicide has been the through-line this entire time. a ghost which haunts ted's worldview.

and dottie, unfortunately, played a major role in why ted only ever feels like he is loved/valued when something is needed from him. when he has to fix or care for or coach either someone or something. by dottie not working on herself, by not getting them both help after ted's dad's suicide, by not talking about it, she effectively Parentified a teenager and shut down communication at the same time. onscreen she only ever gives a shit about ted when she wants something. it's all her. her insecurities/guilt about how she parented ted become a knife wielded against him for how he untraditionally chooses to parent henry and for how he chooses to live his life.

dottie saw how much healthier ted is in richmond and could not see outside herself for more than two seconds to recognize it as a good thing. she instead felt threatened enough to effectively trigger ted into a catatonic low. to get him away from a support system and therapist who truly love him in a way she never could or can. to isolate him. nothing puts the fear of god into an abuser quite like a support system their victim can turn to. (why do you think rupert isolated rebecca?)

and trent? trent was a part of that support system. a divorced, gay man who wrote hundreds of pages about The Lasso Way, who's main inspiration was ted, who loved ted for all his flaws, who pushed ted with hard questions, who got all his references, who quit his whole career over ted, who at the end of the day just wanted ted to laugh with and like this book-love-letter he wrote for him. just wanted ted to recognize and accept that Coach Ted Lasso From America is a good man.

but ted? freshly triggered, catatonic depressive ted? cannot accept this reality. because to do so would mean acknowledgement of the silently loud, gravitational pull they have towards each other, and what that means, and how happy that has made him feel, and how trent would openly love him unconditionally if ted just allowed it. nothing to fix, nothing to take care of.

it goes against all this fucked conditioning ted's grown up with, where he's been triggered back to. beyond the role of Fixer, beyond his inability to accept help/love, beyond even his conditioned sexuality. it directly challenges the reality of a lonely kid who was often forgotten about by his parents in places. a lonely kid who other kids often underestimated and didn't care to ask questions about, to get to know. at sixteen, that same lonely kid walked in on his father's suicide and then had to walk through the grief alone, traumatized out his mind with no healthy way of expressing it. all the while wondering if he was to blame.

that is who ted regressed back into.

and it isn't until ted is back in that familiar box that he dares dream about trent again. because hey, that's all it was between them, right? a nice fantasy. it wasn't a reality. nah, not a chance. because In Real Life Ted Lasso Does Not Deserve That Level Of Support Or Love.

#it's fuckign tragic #ted lasso spoilers #ted lasso #trent crimm #tedependent #tedtrent #ted x trent

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journey-to-the-attic · 9 months

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my back hurts like hell and i'm stuck inside for the day SO i've just been thinking about the newspaper club and their dynamics with characters outside the club

honestly this is more for me than anything but i thought i'd give em a post anyway :^) these aren't 'finalised' in the sense that they're all going to end up in the fic (especially since i also talk about the s4 trio, who won't even be appearing), but i'd call these 'canonical' to jtta in a broad sense of the term

^for reference in case anyone's not aware - from left to right, mephisto (pink), astaroth (blue), wiz (purple), alecto (green)

alecto & lucifer

we already see belphie calling alecto in to deal with caim in ch42, so kind of building on that idea: alecto sort of becomes the student council's secret agent in all but name

so lucifer (being the de-facto leader, even if diavolo's technically the president) calls on her more often

at first lucifer just has her dealing with trouble-makers in school; then, seeing as she's so reliable, he has her helping run errands - and eventually he starts asking for favours outside of school, such as helping him track down a cursed record, seeing as she has a nose for magical contraband - in return, he helps alecto source certain artifacts for wiz, who's obsessed with them

then at some point along the line it becomes a less transactional relationship and more just being buds

they'll catch up with each other in the corridor and have a brief chat, occasionally they'll meet up for a coffee. they peak when alecto starts calling him 'bestie' as a joke and lucifer finds that he doesn't actually mind it

though unfortunately lucifer'll never get the opportunity to take advantage of his new friend's talents on the harpsichord, since alecto reserves those nearly exclusively for wiz

if i had to describe their dynamic it'd be: drinking buddies at the pub

one thing that lucifer did not foresee from this though: alecto really wants to fight him. no magic - that's boring and a foregone conclusion - just good old-fashioned hand to hand combat. he's been steadfastly refusing so far, but maybe one day she'll break him down...

alecto has seriously considered offering to play for him (which she's NEVER done for anyone outside the club) in exchange for a fist fight

alecto & raphael

ideal duo: one is goofy and the other has catholic guilt

more seriously, these two really do get on like a house on fire, even though you'd never be able to tell from a glance

whenever they're hanging out it just kinda looks like alecto's doing her own thing with raphael silently following along - but this is just what works for them

basically, raphael normally can't handle hanging out alone with someone who's above a certain energy level. and, while alecto is above that level, somehow she hits a sweet spot where she makes up for raphael's lack of energy in a way that doesn't overwhelm him

it does sometimes seem like alecto's talking to herself, but often raphael's comments are just too quiet for an outsider to hear

alecto regularly begs raphael to use his shower of spears on her to test her dodging skills, and unlike lucifer, raphael usually indulges her

one time she reflexively broke one of the spears and had to apologise profusely while raphael sadly held the shattered remains

(he wasn't that bummed, he just thought it was funny how guilty she was about it)

also alecto's got a talent for embroidery (if you look at her design - she stitched the daisies on her trousers and shoes herself), and raphael enjoys sewing, so they bond over that

wiz & levi

need a super specific prop complete with special effects for a cosplay? wiz is your gal

she's good with arts and crafts, and also knows SO MUCH about magical artifacts and their mechanisms that you could give her anything and she'd be able to reproduce it

and i need to make this clear: levi absolutely does NOT approach wiz first. he's terrified of her! why would he do that!!!!!

ik is the one who first asks wiz for help when levi's in a prop dilemma - he needs a specific wand

wiz makes it, PLUS adds in a feature where it makes colourful sparks when waved that correlate to the actual magic system of the show it's from

and levi's so blown away that he overcomes his fear to thank her in person, and after realising that overly friendly people aren't the scourges he views them as, slowly gets brave enough to ask her for help on his own

generally he just views wiz as, like, the super cool seasoned warrior that occasionally swoops in to save the main character from danger and deliver a life lesson

meanwhile wiz adopts him a little bit. not in the same way you adopt, like, a little sibling - more the way an older student adopts someone lower down in the school

she'll barter with fabric vendors in his stead to make sure he doesn't get ripped off buying materials and tell the cashier that he doesn't want pickles on his burger for him

wiz & om mephistopheles

i've sort of mentioned these in the s4 post, but i'll re-iterate (and explain) my point a bit here

wiz is really good at adjusting her own mannerisms and lingo to set whoever she's talking to at ease - so she's good at the sort of noble formal-speak that mephistopheles is used to

which is how they initially become sort-of friends; mephistopheles finds it easy to talk to her, and is subsequently a lot less standoffish and haughty than he usually comes off as - so wiz isn't immediately put off by his rich bitch attitude like most are

though mephistopheles does NOT like that wiz is so blase about breaking rules when it comes to magical artifacts, because she's usually disregarding direct reprimands from diavolo to do so

but (because he's got a good first impression of her), he has to begrudgingly respect the audacity

and since diavolo has sort of given up on getting her to listen, mephistopheles has decided he might as well look the other way as well

he enjoys consulting on the various puzzles wiz puts together for the newspaper, though it does sting whenever she gives him one that he genuinely can't solve

alecto cannot STAND him at first, but wiz keeps inviting him around to their house for tea (she feels bad for him because everyone seems to hate him), and she starts finding it really funny how much sugar he gets through

though whenever mephistopheles gets a little bit too royalist, wiz is quick to move the conversation somewhere else

astaroth & belphie

ohoho these guys...... (listen i promise the stargazing boyfriends will be a reality in-fic eventually)

they'll have been dating for months before either will admit it (it pisses asmo off because how is his baby brother going to start dating BEFORE him and not even acknowledge it?!!?!!?!?)

astaroth doesn't like talking about them and belphie's solution to just about everything is to sleep on it, but somehow they've both developed a radar for the other's problems

often belphie will just show up at his house without warning, and it's usually there that they spend time together - because tbh belphie would rather go without his brothers constantly butting in on his quality time

of the two of them, belphie gets the most nervous early on in the relationship - he's used to being able to read those he's close to easily (his twin connection with beel, ik's complete inability to keep her emotions from showing on her face), but astaroth's got a habit of just. forgetting to emote

belphie will be completely overthinking whether or not he's completely messed up this date and astaroth will just be staring blankly into the distance thinking "this is the happiest i've ever been"

he gets better at understanding him over time, though - to the point where he can somehow tell how astaroth's feeling based on the vibe of his silences whenever they're on call with each other

on that topic, they spend quite a lot of nights on the phone to each other when belphie's not over at his, since astaroth feels awkward staying the night at the hol - though most of the time belphie will fall asleep halfway through a conversation

astaroth & thirteen

these two don't seem like they'd get along at all, because astaroth seems way too normal to be interesting to thirteen

but here's the thing. he is not at all. and thirteen realises this as soon as they meet

get him talking and this guy has stories about having done the stupidest things, and somehow he thinks that it's normal behaviour - this is the only reason he can project that image

thirteen can never bring herself to explain to him that, no, astaroth, it isn't normal that your one solution for accidentally burning food is to rip out the entire cooker from the wall to shut off the fire. how are you even strong enough to do that????

astaroth isn't really one to get involved with the making of her traps (though he'll offer suggestions if she needs them) - thirteen doesn't go to him for that sort of thing, she goes to him for vibes

astaroth's visited her cave enough times that she's just installed a secret ramp corridor so that he doesn't have to deal with the security spells every time

they're very in-sync when it comes to making fun of other people - essentially they're that "true friends judge other people.... together" post

they're not super close emotionally, but with astaroth being so into the stars and ~the endless universe~ and thirteen being in close proximity with death, occasionally their conversations take a turn for the intensely philosophical

mephisto & solomon

*slaps head of boys* these bitches have a relationship SO complicated

they're in a weird place after the whole sonno thing, where solomon's finally gotten some closure on having been abandoned, but he really doesn't like it

meanwhile mephisto doesn't think it's a good idea to try to bridge the gap after all this time, so he just kinda withdraws emotionally

which solomon hates even more, because he's just perceiving this as a second abandonment

whether in a romantic way or not, back in that time where they were each other's only company during his studies - solomon might have loved him then. and to be honest he's never really let it go

there's this whole cocktail of resentment, grief, guilt, relief, hope and devotion going on, and neither of them know how to handle it

it gets weirder because eventually they settle in with a new dynamic - of good-natured banter while carefully ignoring what they both know the other is thinking

and it's comfortable, but the thing about these two is their relationship has never been static like this

the one constant has always just been each other; even back then, feelings were mixing and flipping on a dime, which is probably why neither's ever used a label for whatever the hell they were

figuring it out was always going to messy, but mephisto left before they could, and now they're at this motionless stage where both are avoiding moving forward - for fear that the other isn't willing to take the plunge

mephisto & diavolo/barbatos

diavolo and mephisto SEEM like they really don't like each other - which would have been true pre-jtta, but after the whole ordeal with sonno, they've both silently agreed to let bygones be bygones

but they still tend to avoid each other's company, though not necessarily deliberately - it's just that they share a lot of bad memories from that old time, and seeing the other tends to remind them of it

however, they've also both developed an odd, subconscious sense of duty to the other; essentially, they'll go out of their way to assist/defend each other, but only if they don't have to be alone together to do so

neither feels they have much to say in terms of reconciling their pasts, so they don't

meanwhile, mephisto and barbatos don't tend to hold much stock in their shared past - but, unlike with diavolo, they do share some fond memories, so there's still a certain degree of affection to their relationship

similarly, they feel an obligation to each other - if anything, theirs is stronger, since as chronodae they share a sort of mutual connection that's beyond ordinary comprehension

and, while they'd describe each other as 'an old friend', they're not close in the same way that friends are; rather, they're close in the same way that two moths seeking the same light have an instinctive mutual understanding of what drives the other - though neither would be able to put it into words

some more misc ones that i don't have a lot to say about, but i like

astaroth and raphael are pretty chill - they like hanging out together bc neither likes talking a bunch, but enjoys passive company, so their hangouts mostly entail being in the same general area but doing completely different things

lucifer and astaroth share a lot of their tastes in music, so occasionally lucifer will ask astaroth for recommendations. sometimes when belphie's feeling nice and he knows lucifer's been overworking lately, he'll call astaroth over to perform a little concert in the music room

mephisto and levi don't tend to talk, since their history makes it kind of awkward (even though levi's mostly forgiven him at this point), but when they do mephisto's always weirdly nice to him. no ridiculous jokes, no antics - tbh it's kind of unnerving how pleasant he is

wiz and satan don't talk a lot, but when they get started they'll go on for FOREVER, because they're both magic nerds with special interests in curses (wiz used to be a curse-breaker herself) and magical artifacts. a similar thing happens with solomon, except that tend to engage in more scholarly debates rather than just gushing or throwing fun facts back and forth

lucifer respects wiz as a mage, but finds it difficult to talk to her because she has a disconcerting habit of looking very hard at whoever she's talking to, and he doesn't do well with perceived scrutiny

alecto and belphie have a mutual understanding going on where, if one needs assistance from the other, it's given without question - but they don't hang out a lot, since alecto's the type of demon that belphie can't really handle without a buffer

lucifer finds mephisto insufferable but he also thinks he's really funny, so he's constantly having an internal struggle whenever he's around

mammon has wanted to ask astaroth how fast he can go on his wheelchair for a really long time but he's never worked up the nerve to (astaroth's whole monotone stoic deal intimidates him)

simeon gets along super well with the girls and will usually ask them first if he needs someone to babysit luke for whatever reason

astaroth doesn't like sugar, but one time luke offered him a cookie and he felt too awkward to refuse. but now luke KEEPS offering him sweets, and now he's trapped himself

mephisto and thirteen are thick as thieves - but, don't get me wrong, they'd NEVER emotionally confide in each other. what they've got going on is some kind of troublemaking goblin solidarity

wiz's expertise also makes her a perfect consultant when it comes to thirteen's traps, so you'll often see them poring over blueprints together

#long post #anyway so re: my back #this happens so often i fall asleep at a weird angle for ONE NIGHT and then i gotta suffer for a goddamn week for it #me 🤝 lucifer: back hurt so bad but being brave about it #oh the woes of being old. (i'm not even 30 yet)#all you youngsters out there.... please cherish your spines while they last #because one day. and one day soon. that motherfucker will TURN on you #now that i've got that out the way. tag time #newspaper club #obey me #can i be bothered tagging all the characters....to make it easier i'll just leave out the ones only mentioned in the misc section #jtta alecto #jtta wiz #jtta mephisto #jtta astaroth #obey me lucifer #obey me raphael #obey me mephistopheles #obey me belphegor #obey me diavolo #obey me barbatos #obey me solomon #obey me thirteen #obey me leviathan #belpheroth #also i'll tag em since there's some elements of their bit that could be read that way:#solphisto #i will say though that once they DID figure it out these two would be the most insufferable couple #it'd be all messy and stuff during the process but once established they are free to get Goofy #among other things. ahem

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