#i dont like being this vulnerable on main but yeah
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see you in 2024 💗💗
very personal ramble about my year and experiences, etc. under the cut. kind of neg just a warning but if anyone would be willing to read it the whole way through i'd appreciate it so so much
2023 was certainly... a year for me. had many highs but a Ton of lows, went forward one step but took two steps back. i'd be lying if i said i didnt struggle and know what to do for a lot of it
i did get to meet and even become friends with people i look up to, got to learn new things i didn't know before. and one of the problems i noticed throughout this year is i spent way more time than i needed to focusing on my usefulness for others and what i can do for people rather than prioritizing myself and my mental health. i think a lot of problems i experienced in 2023 was due to me getting too caught up in how i'm perceived by others (especially on social media like tumblr). for 2024 i want to work on this and be sure to put myself first in every situation and be the best person i see myself as -- not overdo it for the sake of others. i'm going to try being more straightforward with myself and how i choose to approach people. i want to be more involved in this fandom and get to know more people who love kirby better rather than just hiding away and watching from the side like i have for many years, waiting for them to approach me first at some point. i made a lot of progress on this a lot in 2023 but i could always be better :')
regardless though, i wouldn't have been nearly as ready to get back on track if it weren't for the support you all have given me throughout this year. august and september were two of the worst months i've ever experienced; i won't get into it (if you know you know), but goddd was it harder than i can even describe. i've never had to go through something that resulted in me questioning my Entire artistic ability, my whole worth, and whether everything i've grown and learned from is just completely fake. i couldn't look at my work and all of my social medias without being completely disgusted and disappointed with myself. i'm in art student too, so you can imagine how fucking hard it was to balance and muscle through that as well lol. it was nothing but hell. if i didn't get the support i did from everyone, i can say with full confidence i wouldn't have been able to pick up my pencil phone and get back to drawing Nearly as quickly as i did. in fact, i probably would still be deeply effected by it and not have the motivation to continue posting for at least a long while. so i seriously can't thank you enough for that. all the words i was told still stick with me to this day and gave me a reason to keep pushing and learn to better understand myself
im tearing up as i write this so i'll have to cut it short LOL but i want to express how deeply it means to me that through all the conflict i've experienced throughout this year, you guys were there for me and were so generous to offer your time to support me and help me out. knowing i make at least one person smile and enjoy what i post is enough for me. hopefully 2024 will be easier on the emotional rollercoasters, i think all of us could use a long break from chaos really lol
thanks for everything and i love you
-mac
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Another link to ME/CFS and fibro I can't stop thinking about is one I heard from my old therapist. I mean it's a link I've seen in just about everyone I've personally met with a dissociative disorder
I don't talk about having DID (I will likely continue not to because I feel cringe when I do) but she treated me along with many other patients with it, and other dissociative disorders.
And one day I'm talking about something related to my disabilities. She goes "I was wondering, yknow I don't know much about CFS or fibro but are they specifically linked to dissociative disorders that you're aware of?" and I mention something about ACEs scores and the link between trauma and chronic illnesses. I ramble, I couldn't tell you what I said lmao
I asked why and she said "well it's just that all of my patients with your disorder have CFS, fibro, or both. Sometimes other things too. But not just some or half of them, all of them. I started wondering what that's about, but I couldn't find any specific study on it or anything"
Like I found it super interesting to hear directly from a therapist that treats it and attests that 100% of the patients she's treated with it had the same disabilities. So I guess I just hope that potential link gets studied more extensively sometime
#chronic pain#chronic illness#disability#fibromyalgia#cfs#chronic fаtiguе ѕуndrоmе#actually disabled#spoonie#me/cfs#cfs/me#but yeah few reasons i don't talk much about having DID. It's embarrassing and vulnerable firstly#lots of info about my disorder you couldnt waterboard out of me lmao#i do mention it a bit on my main but thats also pretty rare. i dont want to be seen differently#if this post disappears it means someone did not like me talking about it. but i didnt put it in the DID tags at least because yeah#i literally tried to make this post several months ago but just couldn't. got too ashamed about being this way.#just that this is on my mind sometimes. the link between these very specific disorders
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I see it all the time in postcanon fics but I just don't think wwx feels very guilty about getting a new chance at life or about mxy giving himself up. because he's immensely practical and he won't tear himself to shreds asking himself 'what if' and such. and because I think he accepts that mxy made his choice, and he knew he had no control over it, and he's the kind of person to look forward instead of drowning in hypotheticals and philosophical dilemmas. if he wasnt so focused on survival and making the best of his situation, he wouldn't have survived his first life. and he understands how random coincidence and chance are. and his practicality contrasts his idealism so beautifully
so despite his self-sacrificial tendencies and how much he grieves the people he lost, I don't think survivor's guilt is really something he experiences a lot. if it was, I think he'd be a lot more apologetic postcanon, a lot more willing to turn himself in, and more ready to accept punishment from people who have issues with him. instead he defends himself to jc, and complains when he gets stabbed by jl, and argues his innocence to the entire second seige. he does not believe he should be punished any further than he has been, and he does not accept that anyone had the right to punish him. even jl, though it's clearly a source of pain for him. this is why fics that have wwx be super apologetic and groveling to jc postcanon are ooc
hes such an interesting character, I keep coming back to him. unlike a lot of mcs who are meant to be moral models for the reader, he runs from everyone trying to punish him for what happened in his past life. he hides and sneaks around lies about his identity and puts on a show and accepts whatever help comes for him, no matter how surprising the benefactor. and this isnt judged by the narrative its simply what he does to live. should he be alive? it doesnt matter, hes alive now. he's tortured and murdered and done terrible things. and yet he's still one of the best people in the story, generous and selfless and kind, his moral compass unerring, and he's thrown everything he has into saving the least powerful and most persecuted group of people in his world. the context for his actions and the fallout really matters. survivalists usually aren't characterized with such strong morality, but it works really well for him
#he also likes being independent and free so emotional support and vulnerability is much more jarring to him#and a lot harder to accept than material goods like food or shelter#so yeah I just read a fic I mostly liked but I dont think wwx works himself into such panic over this#mxy is dead he made his choice and he got his revenge and wwx is baffled and later grateful. not guilty.#wwx doesnt worry about who 'deserves' what. its a meaningless question in such an unpredictability and frightening world#I think his main monster postcanon is his grief and his poor communication and his repression#talk about your FEELINGS my man.#shoutout to lorri for helping me solidify my thoughts on this#oh and his TRAUMA cant forget that one. it ties in w everything else#cql txp
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Round 6 Reaction/Analysis
SDFFSDHFLSDHF ROUND 6 FSDHKFDSH ROUND 6 FSDKFSDHFDS ROUND 6
I woke up to twitter analysis saying that Till never even looked at Ivan until his final moments. And I made pre round 6 fanart titled "look at me." Couldn't manifest it. He never looked at him in the end,,,
broo dont look so happy. oh my god you lovesick fool.
reaction and analysis under the cut
First detail I noticed was that are the mics clear because both Ivan and Till are being vulnerable? They have nothing to hide anymore, so they'll show the world their whole being.
Anyways, to my main point,,
My interpretation of the ending was that Ivan was really trying to "cure" Till.
Till opens up with wanting to feel pain, to feel hurt.
"Please, leave me scars"
"Please, hurt me so that not a single drop of me remains"
Which, I realize he's talking to Mizi, but it's a cry for "help" either way.
Ivan's part goes:
"Notice my pain and mend me right now"
Again, he's talking about himself, but I think it could apply to what he does to Till.
So they kiss.
And, I've seen a lot of other people already say this, but I also do feel the kiss was not only meant to be for Ivan to selfishly show his love for Till.
Like bro don't go nonconsensually kissing your crush, what are you doing!?
When the scores came out, Ivan was much lower than Till than I expected. I thought it'd be a Mizi-Sua situation where the scores were close, but Mizi barely edged it out.
But Till almost had 20 points over Ivan.
And I know it's because Till is a rising star. And his new image change would really garner the attention of everyone. But it's not like Ivan is a nobody either. I didn't expect the scores to be so different.
I do think its because Ivan kissed Till. As a final nail in the coffin that guarantees his loss.
Alien Stage is commentary on the idol industry. One of the most prevalent issues in the idol industry is the romantic lives of the idols. Idols are not supposed to be in relationships, at least not outwardly. Their whole image is for the fans. Nothing they do should ruin that public image as an idol.
Much less in a in a queer relationship.
Now I don't believe the universe of Alien Stage cares about LGBTQ+ issues because there's bigger issues surrounding their human pets. But I think that it is an issue that Vivinos is trying to address because they certainly never shy away from queer issues in their other works.
And I feel the idea that idols/pets should not be swayed by their romantic emotions is still prevalent in their society.
So for the audience to see Ivan kiss Till, in one of the most outrageous and public displays possible, further pushes the votes in Till's favor.
And yeah, I also do believe that he kissed Till for him to finally look at him, but I also feel that it was a self-sacrifice too.
And then Ivan violently chokes Till.
Possibly, as another way to give Till votes. Since when Mizi started punching Luka, the audience was outraged at her actions.
Violence is definitely frowned upon on the stage.
More on the choking scene,,
I also saw some people saying that it's because Ivan wanted Till to die with him, which may be part of it. I don't think everything Ivan did was completely selfless.
But
Till accepts it. Earlier when he is at the bar (party? venue? the private show either way), he fights the alien who tries to punch him.
He did show him Mizi's missing image, so he is enraged in this moment, but he does have fight left in him even then.
He doesn't resist when Ivan chokes him just closes his eyes and awaits death. Perhaps if Mizi was already dead, he can just join her in the afterlife since he had no way of knowing she was still alive.
In this way, Ivan is his savior. The one who is finally freeing him from all this pain he felt after losing Mizi. This is his "cure."
And for Ivan, he sorta wants to be a savior to Till. He has freed him on multiple accounts from his shackles. Even helping him run away with him, so they can experience freedom together.
They both get what they want, but,,
Ivan lets go of Till and Till, with an expression that feels like shock, finally looks at Ivan.
Killing him would not give him the freedom that Till needs
that Ivan wants Till to have.
So, like the countless times Till has been chained around his neck, Ivan gives him his chains:
hurting him like he desires.
A scar around his neck.
(Where the scar from his name is)
And mending him,
by taking away the final chain that Ivan could release from Till.
His "cure."
It felt like his final desire was to get Till to snap out of it, to realize that he needs to find true freedom, to not get apathetic at the situation, to keep on going and to live.
He really, truly loves Till even if Till does and never will understand it.
Also final thoughts, is it not strange that Ivan is able to release Till's bindings so easily?
No one else is shown releasing the bindings, so maybe it is just as easy as a press of the button. Yet, I don't feel like it's just poorly designed if that's the case. Because you literally have a person like Ivan releasing a dangerous human like Till. Shouldn't a cautious society like the world of Alien Stage made sure it wouldn't be super easy to get out of.
If there is more to it, I wonder if that'll be a plot point later on. With Ivan leaving behind the secret to getting out of the bindings for Till. So, when a character maybe Till or even Hyuna or Mizi have been captured, they're able to escape since they know how to remove them.
Maybe, I'm just being delulu
And final final thoughts, the kiss was great and definitely made me almost scream. But the way Ivan nuzzled Till has got me acting up.
Like, it's just so soft and sweet and not a big show of it like when Ivan kisses Till on stage.
It feels so intimate, so personal, so full of love.
I just, I just can't. They'll be the death of me.
#alien stage#alnst#에이스테#alnst ivan#alnst till#alien stage analysis#alnst analysis#rai's ramblings#ivantill#alien stage round 6#alien stage cure#thinking about the one person who tagged my last art as they need to make out right now#glad you got your wish :')))))#i want to make fanart so bad#but ill be busy all day today#this is the best i can do for you ivantill#god they make me sick
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aali………please please tell us exactly what Rin said about Isagi not being able to fuck that had Egoist Yoichi baby boy fuck reader right in front of Rin 😭 i KNEED to know I must know babes or I’ll go insane
*ੈ🌩️‧₊˚— lost in the lights, out of my mind + yoichi isagi, rin itoshi.
૮˶ᵕ ༝ᵕ˶ა synopsis — rin itoshi has a bad habit of dishing out what he can't take and a locker room fight with his rival, yoichi isagi, leaves him in the most vulnerable place he'll ever be in. all because of his little unrequited crush on you.
⭑ warnings — please read + mdni ! heavy!smut, porn with some kind of plot, characters aged up to 20s, established relationships (with isagi), unrequited love (rin lmao), some crushing, manipulaton, reverse cuckholding (?), voyuerism, unprotected s!ex, clothed s!ex, fingering (f!receiving), finger sucking, nipple play, body worship, dry humping, multiple orgasms, male masturbation, overstimulation, edging, orgasm control, aftercare, light!degradation, light!dacryphilia, light!sub/dom dynamics, sort of a threesome, creampies, psychologically tormenting rin lmao!!! pro player!yoichi isagi, pro player!rin itoshi, fem!reader - not beta read !
⭑ words — 8.5K.
⭑ notes — happy birthday tew me!! this is my gift to you all, i feel like its such a tradition for me to post something on my bday like i have for the last three years so here you are!! anon, i am so sorry this took so long, i hope you like this... i lost my mind writing it but it was sososo much fun!! enjoy my loves <3 m.list / fic that this refers to (you dont need to read it to understand!) ✩
if there’s one thing rin hates more than anything, it’s losing. after a sour defeat, three goals to a frustrating two, emotions are running high and the locker room fills with an atmosphere so tense even a butcher's knife couldn’t cut through it. it suffocates the boys as they flood into the room, defeatedtly shoving their cleats and water bottles into their cubbyholes — their breathing ragged and muscles aching.
the silence is shattered by a vicious snarl from blue lock’s main star, yoichi isagi, as he walks in last and heads straight for his rival. “way to fucking go, rin! your stupid little act just cost us the entire game.” the striker bares his fangs, frothing like a rabid dog. “you happy now?”
“oh fuck you, isagi. were all your shots supposed to be that half-assed? or was that just a weak attempt to impress your little girlfriend up in the stands.” rin fires back, equally as riled up, throwing his sweat soaked shirt into his designated cubby for this game.
the rest of the team knows not to intervene when two of their best players go head to head, slowly retreating to the showers and changing out of their kit. rin is too highly strung, everything is his way or the highway and everyone is beneath him. isagi is hot headed, switches up on you faster than you can say your own name — and only gets worse if you mention his girlfriend during a fight.
for a moment, the dark haired striker’s face falls and his deep blue eyes cloud with something rin itoshi only ever sees on the pitch. but isagi quickly recovers, offering the other player a tight lipped smile.
“let’s keep her out of this, yeah?”
that only makes rin want to double down.
his relationship with isagi is complex — he’s better than the guy in every way he knows is possible, and yet he envies him. no matter what rin does, his fellow player will always have some kind of leverage over him. whether it be sae’s approval, ego’s favouritism, you. the history between the three of you is even more confusing and flustering, and to this day, rin still doesn’t know who he wants or hates more. jealousy reaches its boiling point at the forefront of his mind, it’s perplexing and he hates the way it makes him feel — like he’s out of the loop, out of control and it only makes rin want to lash out at isagi more.
so he does.
he pokes and prods at isagi, twists at the parts of him that really set him off because he has no other way to cope and no other outlet for his build up of emotions.
“she must be embarrassed,” rin drawls as if he’s enjoying taunting his teammate, though his face shows no signs of it. “to have a boyfriend who can’t even play soccer without looking luke-warm or mediocre. this is your job. your life. and yet, you’re still not getting it. you’re nowhere near being on the same level as me.”
isagi grits his teeth. “i’m warning you, rin. quit while you’re ahead.”
but he can’t, he won’t. not until he makes isagi hurt the same way he does. for losing this match, for losing control.
“if soccer is your life and you’re this bad at it, then i wonder what else you suck at,” the younger itoshi brother adds coldly with the petulance of a child still learning how to navigate how he feels. standing up to his full height, rin smirks as if he’s finally put his enemy into place. he lets his emotions spill into every word he says until they weigh down his tongue and all he can spit out are phrases of malice. “being a good boyfriend? fucking her right?”
satisfaction curls around rin’s beating heart as isagi looks to him; wide eyed and bewildered. there’s nothing like reminding someone where they belong in the food chain. beneath rin itoshi and never above. isagi flounders like a fish before him, searching for words of defence that never come and when rin thinks that the shorter of the two might finally say something — the door to the locker room creaks open and in comes…
you.
if there’s another thing that rin hates, it’s how weak you make him feel — especially when he knows that you’re out of reach. not his to touch. to hold. to keep. you can’t be the reason he feels so open an exposed, like a patient on an examiners table, because he can’t have feelings for you anymore, because you belong to isagi. your heart beats for him and that makes rin sick.
he wants to hate you, even though you’re sweet and kind and understanding. even though you step into the room wearing isagi’s number with doe eyes that glisten underneath the white artificial light. even though your voice fills him with warmth when you call out for your boyfriend (not him) and say. “yoichi, is everything okay?” in that mawkish tone that sends shivers down the length of rin’s spine.
and like he’s been snapped out of a trance, isagi looks away from rin’s face and searches for comfort in your own — his body instinctively gravitating towards you for affection. “yeah precious, what are you doing here?” he grins at you like he wasn’t just about to rip rin’s throat out with his teeth. “thought i was meeting you outside.”
“yeah but…some of the other boys and your manager got worried that something was happening between you and rin, so i came to check on you…i hope that’s okay?” you’re so good, well behaved and it’s all for isagi. it makes rin want to scream, rip his hair out, hurt something but he can’t. he won’t because he’s never been good at feelings. he has his older brother to thank for that.
rin watches the interaction between you both like he’s on the outside looking in. isagi treats you like you’re the world encompassed into one being. yet, there’s a glint swirling in those ocean eyes rin despises so much. “more than okay, baby…actually, i think you might be able to help us make up.” isagi hums, twirling you in his arms until your back is to his chest and you’re facing rin now too.
“…i can?” regrettably, your interest is piqued. isagi has that look in his eye, the one that he gets when he’s scheming and he has all the cards in his hands. except this time, he’s not looking at you.
rin itoshi seems to be the target of your boyfriend’s games tonight — and you, a mere chess piece on the board.
“mhm…” yoichi’s voice drops, brushing over the patch in your brain that controls your pleasure. you know that voice, you’ve heard it a million times before…during showers, early in the morning, right after games. the way he speaks switches up whenever isagi wants you. “you see, pretty girl, rinnie over here—“ the striker juts his chin out in the direction of his rival, using the sweet little nickname he knows you have for him. “doesn’t think i can be a good boyfriend, thinks i’m embarrassing, thinks i can’t fuck. would you say any of those statements are true?”
you frown, lips drawn into pout and brows creased where they meet in the centre. “n-no! of course not.”
and rin thinks he might die there and then, with you looking at him like you’re disappointed in his opinion.
for as long as he’s known you, you’ve never cared about the feud between himself and your partner but this particular comment seems to bother you. upset you. and as much as he pretends to be indifferent towards you, the last thing rin itoshi wants to do is hurt your feelings. he’s never quite known what it’s like to care for someone — aside from sae, pre-spain. so for him to consider your feelings with every interaction you have is weird, at least for him. you’re a baffling enigma to rin, he finds himself drawn to you like a moth to a candle flame and finds comfort in your sugary conversation and polite laughter.
you seemed to like rin, for all his awkwardness and lack of charm. you had once called him cute despite his rough exterior and cold nature — leading him to believe that he could maybe try a little harder for you, be with you. that was, at least, until isagi came along and swept you off your feet with boyish smiles and rose tinted cheeks.
isagi could do with you what rin couldn’t do for himself.
be open with his admiration for you.
for a second, you cut the connection between rin’s aquamarine eyes and your own to glance back up at your boyfriend.
“we should prove him wrong, then.”
“but rinnie— i mean, rin,” you correct yourself when isagi tightens his grip on you as you try to diffuse the situation as best you can. “he wouldn’t… he doesn’t care about stuff like that. i know you’re a good boyfriend. isn’t that all that matters?” but in a twisted sort of way, you like that he’s a little pissed off, that rin is there watching you all loved up on each other too.
you feel his excitement press into your behind, arm wrapping around your tummy this time. “you’re all that matters to me,” isagi affirms because it’s true. he shouldn’t really care what rin thinks, but he left his rationality on the pitch. he’s pissed off and he lost and all he can think about is fucking you up and proving his point. soothing his ego. his flirtatious voice tickles the shell of your ear and sends a strong current of electricity straight down to your centre. “but baby, i wanna fuck you. don’t you want him to watch? help me prove that i’m so fucking good to you?”
he just can’t let it go, not this time.
is it because he thinks rin’s words are true? that he’s not good enough for you? that you might even deserve better than a man that puts his heart and trust into soccer?
yoichi loves you so much he think he might rip stars from the sky, and maybe the the sun if you’d asked him to. he’s so good to you, he knows that. you know it too, but he wants to prove it.
have the one up on rin just this once.
you give a slight nod of your head because maybe you’re just as much of an egoist as isagi. you don’t want him to doubt himself, he’s the best in japan. in the world. at soccer, at loving you too. he deserves to show off that much. so you agree, hesitantly, “but, yoichi… rin is still…” you say. not that you care, you’ve partially forgotten that itoshi still exists — isagi’s loving touch as he feels you up from over your jersey provides a perfect distraction.
he’s always like this with you, makes you feel like you’re the only two people in the room.
“don’t worry precious. he’ll look but he won’t touch, unless he asks and you say yes. right, rinnie?”
it’s the first time in minutes that either of you finally acknowledge rin. the stretching silence filled with ragged breathing and the rustling of clothing as rin watches you lose yourself to lust. to isagi.
“right.” he scoffs like he doesn’t care, barely able to tear his eyes away from your slither of skin revealed as you pull up your jersey to give isagi better access.
“spread your legs baby, lemme see that pretty pussy. wanna show her off.” isagi hums in satisfaction but he doesn’t push, letting you lead. “you want it any way, precious? tell me what you need, i’ll give it to you.” his hands run down to your soft tummy, resting just above the hem of your boy shorts while he grinds into you from behind. “just wanna make you feel good.”
choices, choices.
the ghost of yoichi’s touch along your skin, a thumb on your faint adam’s apple, then over your nipple — it makes saliva pool heavily on your tongue and your eyelashes flutter. “w-what do you think, rinnie?” you gasp, lifting your head to face him.
the younger itoshi swallows thickly. “fingers.” he says without hesitation. “you gotta prep her first, idiot.”
“still so rude, rin,” your boyfriend tuts mockingly. “c’mere. get ‘em nice and wet for her.” isagi points to his mouth — gesturing for his rival to open up for his fingers.
“fuck off, isagi. i-i’m not— you’re not going anywhere near me.”
“oh come on, you’re the one that wanted to prep her. my girl can take it with or without.” isagi presses, the corner of his mouth twitching up into a cocky smirk. “this was your decision, remember?”
the mere thought of doing anything remotely sexual with yoichi has the fortress of rin itoshi’s mind crumbling, starting with it’s foundation. he’s not disgusted by the idea, no, but he fears letting his mask slip. “if you’re not willing to take care of her properly, then you’re just proving my point. you’re half-hearted. lukewarm. you don’t care to fuck her proper.” rin scoffs, ignoring the shake in his voice.
“please, rinnie,” you hiccup. “he won’t touch me if you don’t…p-play along.”
but when it’s you, rin can’t ever seem to say no to you.
you’re like a siren calling out to him to drown himself in all that he desires — your saccharine and salacious strings of words setting his insides alight with wanton. begrudgingly, rin strides towards you both and grabs your boyfriend’s wrist with flaming cheeks, heart hammering in his chest so hard he’s afraid you might hear it and think him weak.
the gentle part of his lips encircle two of isagi’s fingers and is tongue, once tucked away behind rows of brilliant white teeth, breaks free from its barrier to roll over the slender digits — glazing them in a of spit. rin feels degraded, it pours through him in the same thickness as his blood and replaces all the oxygen in his lungs. but then you look at rin like you want him, dainty gaze honed in on the way his tongue weaves between your boyfriend’s fingers and soaks them in his claim. he can’t help but grow more confident in the action.
but then yoichi reminds you both of his presence, thrusting into rin’s obedient mouth until his gags and his tropical ocean eyes blow wide in shock at the sound. isagi’s own blue pair drown in mirth.
“satisfied?” rin let’s your boyfriend go with a wet smack of his lips, rasping his words out as he regains his breath.
“not really, but she can help with that.” isagi sounds like he adores you, plunging his spit slicked fingers past your swell of your plump lips so you can get them even wetter for him. you seem eager, sucking on them as if you’re chasing the younger itoshi sibling’s flavour and the visuals make his cock twitch behind his elasticated shorts as he pictures you mouthing at the ache between his legs.
once isagi is truly satisfied, he pulls out of your mouth and pats your cheek lovingly. “did such a good job, precious. i’m gonna touch you now, okay?” he doesn’t wait for you to respond since you’re too delirious, giggling on trickles of ecstasy from being pampered in your lover’s hold. his hand slips in between your plush thighs and underneath your clothes easily, yoichi dragging a single digit along the length of your puffy folds to get a feel for just how messy you are. you’re dripping with sweet juices, the scent of you intoxicating and potent to both boys as isagi eases the finger past your clenching hole experimentally.
you hiccup and tremble, your head rolling back against his shoulder the more his thickness presses into you and stretches you out for later. rin can see just how much you make isagi’s skin shine with your wetness, clear strings of it oozing down your thighs and into the seat of his rival’s palm — all this from being barely touched? from watching rin suck on your boyfriend’s fingers so pathetically? you’ve barely been touched as it is.
it only makes the throb at rin’s core that much more painful.
“don’t you even think about touching yourself to this. you’re lucky enough to even be watching her,” blue lock’s shining star grunts out to rin possessively, his voice laden with a lust that scratches at his throat. you whine out for more, hips jutting downwards to chase more of isagi and his attention switches back to you. “sorry for the wait, precious. there we go, is this alright? is this how you want it?” his softness has you melting like butter in a pan, isagi easing a second finger alongside the first before he curls them to bare down harshly on your g-spot.
the moan that escapes you is a far cry from your angelic nature in rin’s eyes, reminding him that isagi’s the one who cast you out of heaven. “m-more yoichi,” you squirm impatiently, back arching away from the striker’s chest as he used his free hand to toy with yours. “faster, c’mon—!”
“alright baby, relax. we’ll do whatever you want.” isagi moans back desperately, as if your pleasure is his pleasure. he changes the angle of his hand so that the back of it is facing rin, creating the visual of him cupping your sweltering, glistening pussy. you drool into the seat of his palm while he works you open, stroking your velvet and sopping insides like the tide lapping at the shoreline to indulge you and build the pressure that bubbles just under your naval. “oh, you like that? want me to rub your clit too? just like that precious,”
the rough pad of his thumb draws signatures of love against your budding clit as your arousal pearls on it it. every push and pull of isagi’s fingers have you a syrupy mess, glinting under the artificial lights and only drawing rin’s eager gaze to the treasure between your thighs. when he looks to your face all he sees is your insatiable appetite and dire need to run after the high your boyfriend plans to give you.
rin’s tongue darts out to wet the crack on his lips and he attempts to swallow the saliva that coats his tongue and floods his mouth — making it difficult for him to breathe. and if he does, manage to breathe in, the scent of you is intoxicating and fills rin with a level of desire his body can’t even handle. shame brews below the surface level of his skin, intertwined with the blood cells that surge through his veins and right to the tip of his shaft.
he flinches as it pulses to life inside his briefs, pathetically wet from how wet you sound.
“listen to that, fuck,” isagi groans, his lashes fluttering against the side of your face the deeper he plunges two fingers into you. “cunt sounds so pretty baby. sucking me in like that, s’like you never wanna let me go.”
the way isagi touches you is intoxicating — casting a dark veil over every thought that dares to cross your mind and clouding your better judgement. with him it’s easy to be this vulnerable and allow yourself to crumble to pieces in front of the hawk-like gaze of someone you know all too well. you find yourself not caring about the way rin watches you, pools of tropical ocean eyes dropping from your eyes to your pulsing sex where your boyfriend pinches and toys with your folds to get you wetter and wetter.
you’re fucking enjoying this. isagi knows it. rin knows it — the three of you trapped under the spell and vulgar scent of sex that mingles with the air you breathe in. you hardly feel bad for teasing the poor itoshi baby like this, finding the shaky mewls and squeals that you usually save for your boyfriend are a little louder than usual — spiking even higher when blue lock’s star egoist pulls back the hood of your clit to maximise your sensitivity and receptiveness to his touch, rubbing your juices into the little nub.
“tell him how good it feels.” yoichi is so loving but oh so condescending, commanding the will of your body as he curls his fingers just right to brush over the spongy spot inside of you to make you see the gates of heaven.
your pretty pussy gushes in response before you can, milky white running down isagi’s forearm as it gathers in the seat of his palm. you’re desperate to speak, but your mouth feels as if it’s been stuffed with cotton and your words are replaced by shaky and choked moans. between being finger fucked to the brink verge of collapse and watching rin try to grind against his boxers for friction — you don’t know how your boyfriend expects you to form a cohesive thought, let alone speak.
still, you manage to stutter out some kind of praise to him. “oh god, f-fuck, yoichi!”
when isagi hits your g-spot, you spasm so hard you think you might die and at the same time, rin’s needy whimper echoes around the locker room as if to taunt him. “she’s close,” rin bleats, the pain in his cock becoming too much to bare as he fumbles over the front of his shorts to reprehensibly relieve himself. “aren’t you gonna make her cum?”
the question is meant with no malice or harm — more innocent than rin allows himself to appear and isagi quickly picks up on it, licking a hot stripe up from the base of your neck to just behind your ear. “you can always tell when my precious girl is close,” he scissors his fingers along your insides, clear strings of your arousal keeping him tied to you. “she clenches so fucking tight around me, like she wants to make me a mess and claim me. keep me all to yourself, right precious?” he coos to you slyly, stroking you into the shape of him and flicking at your clit — arousal gathering copiously between your pussy lips. “you wanna cum so bad, don’t you.”
“y-yes!” you nearly scream, legs buckling beneath isagi’s ministrations, pumping in and out of your velvet walls with newfound motivation.
pleasure grows inside of you bit by bit, as if isagi has laid the foundation for bricks of pleasure to stack up high and the fact that rin itoshi is watching you just cements it all together. “make yourself useful, and hold her up.” he instructs, lazily sucking marks into your skin. “so selfish, rin. just like always. getting yourself off while my precious girl’s a shaky mess. you could have been helping all this time.”
a smile that could rival the devil’s tugs at your boyfriend’s wet lips when rin staggers forward to hold you up in the comfort of his arms. the path to what he wants has always been clear and isagi plays on that like it’s a part of the game you all play — knowing that rin would never give up the chance to hold you this close. you can feel the outline of his bulging cock against your tummy, the thought of it grinding inside you alongside isagi’s fingers doing nothing to sedate the desire coursing through you. your selfish need to cum.
blood rushes through rin’s ears at he way you cling onto him life a lifeline. you might be creaming on yoichi’s thick fingers, letting them stretch you out in preparation for his even thicker dick, but right now — you need rin to ground you and keep you back down on earth.
“can’t,” you whine over the lewd slushy sounds reverberating from between your thighs, and bat your eyelashes up at the younger itoshi — pride internally rumbling in your chest as the black abyss of his pupils swallows his pretty green eyes. “can't hold it, ‘ichi.” there’s nothing greater to you than humbling someone like rin itoshi. he forgets that while you follow whatever pleasure is given to you, you’ll always be loyal to yoichi isagi. hearing you moan his name only shatters rin’s confidence.
“let go for me, baby. cum all over me like the good girl i know you can be,” a deep groan takes hold in isagi’s chest, roots intertwining with his lungs and his very being. much like a sturdy tree. his thumb goes back to signing his name over it, gaze honing in between the sinful movement beneath your clothes. “get on your knees, rin. see how i fuck her nice and good.”
doing as he’s told, rin bites back his humiliation and sinks to his knees before you — keening into your fingers as they move up to grip his broad shoulders and your nails dig into his milky flesh hidden by his kit. from here, gets a front row seat to your gushing sex and how it soils the tiny threads of your boy shorts stuffed between your fattened pussy lips.
sex crazed hormones drift into the air, rattling about and colliding with kinetic energy as isagi picks up the pace — the seat of his palm now grinding against your clit, rubbing you raw and relentlessly. he bites down on your pulse point, and that’s really all it takes to throw you over the ledge. the stacks of ecstasy that had been building within the depths of your soul finally come crumbling down and your release shoots out of you, slapping to the floor in a crude manner.
“o-oh! ‘m c-cumming!” you cry out, feeling evidence of your orgasm blaze a trail down your inner thighs in clear streams as isagi guides you through it. rin doesn’t bother fighting his biological instincts, craning his head up for just a taste, a smell, anything — your sugary and musky scent sending him spiralling while heady precum oozes from his time painfully.
“ah, ah fuck, baby. keep that orgasm goin’ for me, keep cumming. so pretty.” soft praises fall on your ears despite the white noise that overwhelms you, letting yoichi control the way you twitch and react with his large hands still working you through it all — perfectly nestled between your trembling thighs. you came so much, so sweet.”
it’s like yoichi is in awe of you, kissing your cheek as you come down from your high — still clenching and fluttering around his fingers. the pair of you forget about rin sitting on the floor between your legs — bearing witness to the way your orgasm rhythmically drips out of you. it’d be foolish for both boys not to become obsessive over the way you guys. slowly, one of your hands leaves rin’s muscled shoulder to grip your boyfriend’s hair and tug him into giving you a wet and loving kiss.
“you always make me cum so hard, yoichi,” you praise him, your shaky voice sounding angelic to both men. “thank you, baby.”
still licking his way into your mouth, isagi sighs in content, circling his hips into your ass. “all i wanna do is make you feel good,” he breathes his want into you. “are you okay to keep going? we can stop right here. rin doesn’t have to see anymore.”
it’s only then that you remember rin between your legs, discreetly humping the floor for some relief — practically shaking at how bad he wants you.
“you need me,” you say, hunger curling around the tone in your voice. “we can keep going.”
isagi fucking loves you. he’s sure he’s never quite met anyone on the same level of ego and desire as him. maybe you’re both insane, beyond the brink of normalcy with enough danger between you to destroy the whole world — but instead you stick to ruining the man before you both, ripping his ego down until it’s nothing but measly pieces and rin itoshi can no longer look either of you in the eye.
a pair of eager lips land on yours once again — tasting of freshly cut grass and the sweat on your lover’s Cupid’s bow. you suck and bite on one another, leaving your claim visually on each other while your hearts remain tied. isagi grabs at your fleshy ass cheeks, takes your tongue down his throat and lets you own him just as much as he owns you while rin bares witness to your boiling and passionate love.
familiar hands yank down your shorts and underwear in one go — desperately exposing your hot skin to the air conditioned room, causing a wave of goosebumps to erupt over your body in anticipation. excitement. “i wanna fuck you so bad, i can’t ever get enough of you, precious girl.” he whispers menacingly against the shell of your ear, like it’s a threat but instead directed towards the man at your feet. “‘m so lucky,” his hands wander again, cupping your cunt squeezing your waist and pulling the sweetest sounds from between your lips. “being the only one to have you like this.”
once again, you collapse forward and dig your nails into rin’s shoulders — relishing in the way he looks up at you like you’re a forbidden prize to be won. an angel. a diety. you smile at him, innocent and cute, whimpering a breath’s width away from rin’s lips as isagi arches your back for himself — peeling apart your juicy ass cheeks to set his sights on your glistening pussy. your squelching hole pulses around nothing, sending beading droplets of your arousal through your folds.
“hi rinnie,” you simper and struggle to keep your gaze focused on the athlete, feeling isagi rub his seedy hot cockhead against the entire length of his sex. teasing the both of you. “how’s are you doing?”
there’s so much he wants to say to you. to do to you. if rin had a little more confidence and higher self esteem — maybe he could acknowledge his feelings, he could kiss you, make you his, make you forget all about isagi. but rin is a coward paralysed by his own fear of feeling something real. he lets you walk all over him instead. both of you.
“i’m good, how are you feeling?” he mumbles in response, all needy-like. you almost feel bad for him, revelling in the way rin tracks your moans, his mouth dropping open just like yours when yoichi drives his hips forwards and bullies his heavy cock past your fluttering entrance. “f-fuck, you’re so…”
“so what, r-rinnie?”
“so pretty.”
his eyes shine when he speaks, glossy with desire causing pride to curl around your heart and fan the flames of debauchery inside of you. isagi pulls back, his brows creasing in the centre of his sweaty forehead as he adjusts his tender grip on your hips and pulls his cock from the snugness of your drenched heat. he thrusts forward, hitting every pleasure spot he’s ever mapped out along the length of your slippery walls, making you shudder and press your forehead to rin’s for support.
“pretty girl, how are you still so…” isagi grunts, high-pitched and borderline whiny, choking on the spit that pools against the pad of his tongue and slips out of the corner of his mouth. “so fucking tight. god, i needed this. needed you.”
the way in which isagi yearns for you will never fail to make you melt, following your biological instinct which tells you to push your hips back and throw your ass back on him too. “it’s all for you, yoichi,” you drawl, a wet sigh lying on your glossy lips while your boyfriend's milky tips drags along your insides, churning you up just as he kisses your cervix. rin’s face crumples and you feel a little mean for getting lost in his rival right before his very eyes — but the other half of you enjoys the psychological torment you’re putting him through.
you like how at any point he could have gotten up and left yourself and isagi to your fun. but rin stays, because he likes the position of vulnerability you put him in. he trusts you, both you and isagi.
yoichi pacifies himself by latching into your shoulder with pointed teeth, licking over the bite marks as his chest rumbles in content and his hips set a steady stream to fuck you with. his dark hair tickles your skin every time he pumps his cock in and out of you, feeding your body his lust for you and painting you with opaque layers of pre between your thighs. it mixes with your arousal, clear strings slinging against your legs each time isagi’s balls tap at your sensitive clit.
he breathes his ego into you, making your face burn, making you cry out until your throat is raw. isagi has always been able to fill you up so good, his cock is pretty — decorated with spiralling blue and green veins that hit spots you can’t reach with your fingers while is shaft slightly curves, up just enough to never leave your g-spot. even when he’s fucking you from behind.
“oh precious girl, that’s it, throw it back on me,” isagi slurs, hardly able to focus on anything aside from the way you take him in — the lewd pap, pap, pap of your pussy rippling around him. “show me how you want it. how you want me to use this cock for you.”
isagi tells you encouragingly between thready breaths. he’s always been a giver, his pleasure has always been your pleasure and his end goal to make you see stars when you cum. like you, isagi always finds a way to get what he wants. and he wants you to lose your mind to him. in front of rin.
“right there, yoichi — need you right there!” comes your heavenly little whine as you throw your head back onto his shoulder for the nth time that evening. your attention tears away from rin for only a second, giving him the perfect view of your breasts that bounce as yoichi pounds you from behind and the crystallised beads of sweat that run down the collum of your throat. “y’so big, oh my god.”
“you, hah, you hear that rin? she keeps cryin’ my name, praising me like i’m her fucking god.” he somehow manages to snap to his rival.
you have an inkling that yoichi going insane since his voice drips with a huskiness that lowers its octave. he seems to lose his goal, however, succumbing to your selfish cunt that refuses to let him pull out and forces the striker to keep his thrusts deep and targeted inside of your heated core.
bliss is pungent in the air, lays heavy across every inch of your mind and you find yourself succumbing to it — once mover digging your nails into rin’s shoulders until they form pretty crescent moons on the expanse of his milky flesh and you can use him as leverage to fuck yourself back on yoichi’s creamy dick.
everything sounds so fucking nasty, and rin really can’t fucking help it. all of his shamefulness that once painfully panged at each of his nerve endings seems to have fizzled away into shameless. he finds himself no longer caring that his cock is pulsing from watching his friend ( his rival, his enemy, his … crush? whatever …) fuck the girl of his dreams to high heavens and back. with his emerald gaze laser focused on darting between your viscous and drenched cunt sucking yoichi in, and your angelic expression ( creased brows and perfectly pouty lips) — rin let’s his hand slip beneath his shorts to finally relieve himself of the ache.
he hissed at the first contact with his erection, the sound quickly turning to pathetic blubbers that make his ears burn red at their tips — because it feels so good. finally touching himself in sync with isagi’s thrusts, getting himself off to the way he fucks you, loves you. torn between wanting to be either of you. it’s a large thing to admit to himself, sifting through a maze of lust, attraction. rin has been chasing after the want to be loved for so long and somewhere along the way it morphed into wanting to be between you both.
he won’t admit it out loud, however, but he feels lucky enough to watch right now. grateful that he pushed isagi this far.
the sounds of him jerking off his crying cock, rubbing at his slit from time to time, merges perfectly with the sinful symphony of your mewls, your cries and the weightly slap of isagi’s skin against your own. his guttural moans too, and his breeder’s balls smacking down wetly on your equally wet, puffy cunt. you catch on first, teary eyes drifting down to the movement beneath the younger itoshi’s clothes and then back up to his face — which looks lighter, relieved and less tense.
“oh rinnie,” you coo, voice rising an octave — delighted by the sight in front of you and the way in which your boyfriend eagerly chases the hot grip of your abused, leaky hole. “y-you’re so cute… you like watching me get fucked that bad, hm?”
“y-yes, god yes.” he lets out a choked moan in response, his throat dry from holding back and not having spoken in a while.
you grin lazily and lift a hand from rin’s shoulder to cup his cheek, brushing away a stray tear with your thumb. one that he didn’t even know had fallen. “you’ve been such a good boy, watching so well ‘n listening to ‘ichi up until now…” even though your voice wavers, and you’re just as submissive to your boyfriend as rin is to you right now — you somehow manage to reach out to him, lick at the longing parts of his soul that crave affection like this.
“he’s pathetic is what he is,” isagi rears his jealous head while slumping over you — aiming to steal your attention away. he’s rutting into you so fast that you swear you see a blinding white light, gushing down his dick and slicking him all up with your early release. “rubbin’ one off on your stupid cock to my girlfriend even when told not to. seems like you never listen, not on the field. not here. you just live to piss me off, don’t you man.”
it’s humiliating for rin, but he likes it. stuck between your loving praise and isagi’s harsh words. “seeing her cum for me wasn’t enough for me to prove my point to you, but now she’s on my dick and you still won’t admit it.” he barks but doesn’t let up on fucking you senseless.
the hand that squeezes and tugs at rin’s sorely, hard cock only seems to move faster the more mean, embarrassing shit isagi spews at him. tearing the younger player down but making him feel this amazing. he can’t ignore the small spurts of pre cum that his iron hot tip releases just from having the two of you watching him. it’s evident in the dark stain that seeps through the fabric of his soccer shorts.
his cheeks are flushed and his eyelids droopy as he looks up at you, palming himself to your very vision of beauty. the three of you are a mess. you can’t help but sequel like a lamb being dragged to slaughter between rin and isagi — who tears you apart by plunging into you as deep as he can go and pieces you back together with sloppy kisses to your back, tonguing at your neck possessively.
isagi’s veiny hands grab at your ass next to pull you onto his thrusting cock, pushing anything that leaks out of you back into your clenching hole. he peels his sweat soaked chest away from your back and you whimper at the loss of his body heat — only to let out a surprised sob when he spits onto the point at which your bodies join, fucking the froth past your entrance.
everything your boyfriend does to you, has a snowball effect on rin. he no longer holds back, wildly bucking his hips into his hand wishing it were your sluice sex, or your mouth. dying to have his hands all over you the way isagi does. you terrorise his thoughts but your moans and squeaks soothe him — dragging him closer and closer to his high. you’re dangerous, rin concludes, but it only makes him want to see you like this even more.
meanwhile, you’re in no better condition — every time isagi bends you over and ravages you like this, you’re reminded of the many reasons why he is blue lock’s star player. his strong build from playing soccer all around the world pays off in he’s with you, making good use of his new found stamina to wreck your entire being and pound you all the way to hell. though yoichi is shorter and lean where rin is taller and agile, he never fails to make your brain void of any thought and your legs soft thighs with how wet you are. he fucks you like he hates you, like he’s mad at you for your own existence but he speaks to you in ways that emulate love.
“you’re milking me, precious girl,” he mutters as if he’s in awe. “you want my cum that badly? you want me?” yoichi purrs, sending shockwaves through your system and right down to your pelvis — adding to the orgasmic knots that twist there, threatening to unravel at any second. “you’re so pretty, grinding up on me. so dirty, loving how rin watches you. my precious girl.”
“‘m yours, yoichi,” you reaffirm, preening into his touch as it cascades up and down your body like a rushing waterfall. “wanna cum, wanna cum f’you.”
your admission is like a bullet to the chest for rin but he doesn’t want to give this up, revelling how you look down at him, his milky white dick and his blushing face with an expression so sweet his teeth might rot and his ears fill with your honey-like voice — melting his brain. he wants this for as long as you’ll give it to him, for as long as isagi will allow him to witness it.
“i know baby, but you know what i want, feels so much better when you wait for me,” your boyfriend’s thrusts begin to grow sloppy and irregular — indicating the approach of his own high. but isagi knows you and your body better than anyone else, knows how to make you cum so hard that you might black out. you love to be edged, and you love him even more so. you’d do whatever he wanted and then some. and he would do the same for you.
he throbs within your tightness, your pussy papping and pulsating, smeared with isagi’s thick precum that douses your puffy folds in white. the mix froths, creating a foamy ring of white at the thickest point of his length. “p-please, yoichi. i don’t think i can,” you wail in denial like you always do, the sound causing both boys to squeeze the base of their cocks and groan in unison — attempting to stave off their orgasms. “hurts so good.”
rin is reminded of just how good his rival can fuck you. even when you’re desperate to cum (and he’s just as desperate to watch it happen again) — you still have a burning hunger for isagi to control your ecstasy. he wants to give up control like that too. with you, or with his destined enemy. liquid lust rolls down rin’s dick in large waves, his eyes threatening to roll back as he listens to your moans get higher and higher the closer you are. yoichi is in no better condition, growling and chasing after your cunt as your hips attempt to run away from him.
“she wants to fucking cum, you idiot.” rin grunts, finding his voice amidst the sound of crying, moaning and skin on skin. “please, let her cum.”
“why? so you can bust a nut to my fucking girl. jeez, rin. get a fucking grip.”
maybe this is what makes isagi the bad boyfriend rin so desperately wants to make him. putting his pleasure above your own even though rin knows that’s far from the truth — almost relenting while he jerks off to the same pace that isagi fucks you with. but then you call out to him, like a siren from the high seas.
“rinnie, please touch me. h-help me cum.”
his body moves on his own accord after that, the hand that’s not getting himself off to you and his so called friend reaching between shaky legs and salty skin to fumble with your clit awkwardly. rin has never touched a girl a girl before, not even like this. but he tries to recreate it in the way that isagi does, to listen to you moan for him and see you tremble above him.
“h-how’s that?” he breathes, watching in awe as your eyes roll back into your skull.
“more.” you say. barking out the command while your cunt spews a fresh wave of juices onto rin’s hand.
your body seizes up, pleasured from all angles. between yoichi’s cock and rin’s calloused thumb drags random shapes over the pearl between your folds. “motherfucker….” the curse spills from isagi’s lips before he can stop it and admit how fucking amazing it feels to have you tense around him, warm and wet. it’s worse when rin accidentally catches his cock as it slips in and out of you rapidly, churning up your insides. “fucking bastard. at least touch her properly, rub in circles.”
rin does what he’s told, following the simple command and obediently flicking at your clit. it’s totally worth it, surrendering his autonomy to the older player just to have you tug at his hair and squeal his name. you jut your hips back and forth, meeting both boys in their bid to make you see heaven. your limbs threaten to give out on you, you pulse and pleasure tremors through you like an earthquake.
“oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck!” you chant like it’s a prayer.
the world around you falls away as you’re finally pushed over the edge — a bright white light flooding your vision accompanied by static fizzling in your ears. rin watches you cum a second time as if he’s witnessing the eight wonders of the world, your cunt flooding with isagi’s cum at the same time that you squirt with ease. his load floods your womb, filling you up to the brim and you feel so good you might die. a scream tearing in your throat and the knots in your lower tummy rapidly unravelling. the both of you cumming together, at last.
you can’t help it, surging forward to press your lips against rin’s, kissing him hazily, your tongue prodding through his lips — licking into his mouth. rin creams his pants at the very sensation, damn near sobbing into your open mouth. “f-fucking christ, that’s so hot.” isagi whines, slowly pulling out of you and letting the crude mix of your arousals hit the floor.
it’s only then that rin realises love is not binary. there are no clear paths to achieving the perfect love. there hat tricks or dribble techniques. love is unwinding and binding and there are too many possibilities. and that scares rin, for him to love a girl he can’t have.
your knees buckle under the exhaustion of it all and rin reaches out to catch you before you can pull away and the oxygen from reality floods his brain again. he misses you when isagi reaches you first, coddling you in his arms and kissing all over your face to calm you down and reassure you. loving you in ways rin isn’t sure that he’s capable of.
nosing your cheek, isagi coos out to you — his personality doing a complete 180. “you okay, precious. i wasn’t too hard on you, right?”
you’re so happy to be in his arms, close to dozing off. “‘m okay, yoichi. you were perfect. you always are. i love you.”
“do you need help getting to the showers? i can carry you there.”
eyeing rin on the floor, you look back up to isagi and shake your head adoringly — knowing that they’ll probably need to talk this out without you.
“i’ll be alright, find me when you’re done here. okay?”
the striker lets you back down and accepts a kiss on the cheek from you. you pad away to wash off — leaving him in silence with his younger counterpart. the tension fails to dissipate as they fix themselves, tucking away their dicks and floundering to speak.
rin watches the way isagi longingly looks at the door, wanting to be with you instead of dealing with the consequences of his actions. it dawns on him then, that he literally cannot win against isagi, that perhaps he is better than rin in all ways possible. he’s a loser. he lost to you and to isagi.
“i’m… i’m a good boyfriend. for her, yanno,” isagi says awkwardly after some time, scratching the back of his head shyly. “there isn’t anything i wouldn’t do for her…but how much i love her doesn’t reflect in my plays and she knows that. the way i love her and love soccer are different. i could never blame my mistakes on how much i care for her. it would be on me. like today was on you.”
rin can only blink back in response. “that’s true. i’m—“ he wants to apologise, but something inside him, something that he’d worked so hard to undo this past hour doesn’t let him. he can’t submit, be truthful and vulnerable. not when the setting isn’t as intimate as before.
rin still can’t let go.
something familiar — akin disappointment swirls in the blues and azures of yoichi’s eyes, but he doesn’t comment on rin’s silence.
it reminds rin of his brother, sae.
with nothing left to talk about, isagi nods quietly and shoved his hands in his pockets to head for the showers — no doubt to check up on you, be with you openly and happily, but pauses just shy of the door. he throws his head back to address rin once more.
“oh and by the way,” isagi mumbles, pushing his tongue around inside his mouth and against his cheek. looking for the right words. as if he’s holding back — saying whatever comes next against his will. “she did really like you. so, every day i have to prove to her that i was the right choice, the better one. a good boyfriend. so don’t get it twisted. alright?”
he makes his exit shortly after — leaving the younger player with no time to respond.
and rin can’t tell if those words were supposed to comfort him or not. in fact, all they do is make him feel worse.
#blue lock smut#bllk smut#isagi x reader#isagi smut#itoshi rin x reader#itoshi rin smut#blue lock x reader#bllk x reader#blue lock x you#bllk x you#isagi x you#itoshi rin x you#isagi yoichi smut#isagi yoichi x reader#bllk thirst#rin itoshi x reader#rin itoshi smut#yoichi isagi smut#blue lock thirst#✧ ₊˚੭ — writing#tteokdoroki#tw: cucking#tw: overstimulation#tw: edging
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i've seen actually a few different people/users leave comments or tags about wanting to check out scavenger's reign after seeing my glowing praise of it, but also being very nervous to do so, because they're excited for a lesbian who looks like them (azi), but despite my gushing, i keep mentioning how the show is full of body horror, brutal deaths and characters having a bad time;
this is a very valid concern to have, given how a character like azi might be treated in another show, i was going in with tempered caution as well
without spoiling too much, you can lay those worries down.
the show treats her very well.
if you'd like some more elaboration, i've put it under this readmore!
azi is put into stomach-churningly dire "an alien is about to eat you/do a big big body horror/assimilate you" situations the least of any of the characters, and not even because she's being given a lack of stuff to do/experience in the plot!
i think we only see her get "afflicted" by something the way sam does once, and its very mild compared to everyone else (basically she gets a really bad itchy rash after successfully prying some weird would-be paralytic puffballs that get stuck to her) and even this one instance is quickly resolved by other fauna, in a very nice sequence of scenes that is clearly a healing/relaxing experience for her.
while she is put into danger and is trying to survive like everyone else, she gets tossed about in action setpieces she makes it through with minimal injury, more than enduring The Horrors;
she gets to have better luck because more of her narrative screentime is, by design, already dedicated to emotionally bonding with her robot buddy, levi, as they suddenly and rapidly attain self-awareness, and levi encourages her to find the beauty and harmony in this nightmarish nature documentary they got marooned in.
this helps her lighten up just in time, too, because she is, very understandably, stressed almost to her breaking point by the point the show starts, having one of the better crash landing sites of any of the survivors, and i bet the other survivors all wish they had a robot tagging along to help,
but being stranded and lonely and trying to not lose hope of rescue. she misses her girlfriend, and is feeling increasingly vulnerable (negative) and afraid, especially when situations occur where she gets reminded she does need help. azi starts the series being kind of mean to levi, and having to balance her confusion, worry, and then awe of levi's transformation, and let herself accept she does need that help.
azi is not the gruff grr nothing phases me nothing hurts me the writers dont have to try giving me depth i'm just the badass butch who exists to fill the death quota later so a lighter/more fem character can survive;
her vulnerability reveals itself without much fuss, and is eventually tended to both by herself and others. we get flashbacks that show she was naturally introverted, but clearly wanting to overcome that in order to socialize and get closer to someone (girls...)
she goes through it for other reasons, but i promise you, the show treats her very well, i feel. she and levi are probably-nah, definitely, my favorite characters in it, and the show would not have blown me away the way it did without them here
SR has 3 main story threads; Azi and Levi, Sam and Ursula, Kamen and The Hollow. of the three, Azi and Levi's is the heart, and is the most romantic, in multiple senses of the term. i might right a breakdown of what i love most about all three threads? but yeah
now, if you still need the "okay but does she or her gf die" y/n:
.
.
.
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azi and her girlfriend both survive the events of the show, and reunite in one piece! they may or may not throuple up with the robot.
i sure hope they do.
you can't tease us with scenes like this and Not
OH: also, when a new antagonist shows up later in the form of a lethally pragmatic blonde woman named Kris who tries to boss azi around, i did get nervous, but Azi soured to max on her and spoke exactly what i hoped was the intent at the exact moment i felt it was critical to avoid me going "hrrmmm don't like these Implications"
(the Instant azi detects blondie is trying to haze her into being a new teammate to be bossed around, azi immediately gets rightfully pissed and rejects it, and schemes to get the tagalong kid to see this also and on azi's side in the long run, which plays out and kris gets rapidly shuttled out of the plot and then pretty damn well humbled in the only blatant Sequel Hook present. i Appreciated that. Would have loved to love you Kris I love evil women but then you pulled That Stunt and now you can go wither alone in the corner
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Angelic unacceptable cybersecurity practices: what exactly is fucked in Heaven and what thoughts does this lead to?
After the conversation with @raining-stars-somewhere-else and his post about Saraqael I have pondered a bit and now I want to be "that guy" about heavenly security policy as an IT person and wannabe-cybersecuritist.
Disclaimer 1 - there are no conclusions here. I am trying to compile my observations related to Heavenly data and lay out kinda a tree graph of possible explanations. But I doubt I’ll be able to choose the most possible coherent interpretation.
Disclaimer 2 - english is not my first language so I might make some (many) mistakes.
No onboarding for low ranked angels (not sure it s really a vulnerability)
This fandom (but not me sry) loves naive and curious Muriel, but what I am focused on is why archangels dont give an incompetent low ranked angel some instructions. Actually, main question is why Saraqael didn't entrust the surveillance to other more professional angelic spy. In terms of common sense, there is not a single reason why that should be Muriel. But Saraqael’s intention is unclear to us, so I can brainstorm the variety of versions:
They hadn’t considered. Simplest variant, but this decision is seeming too failed to be a mistake. I really don't believe Saraqael could just overlook this, they seem smart.
An attempt to WARN. A spy who is so easy to get busted is making it clear to husbands that they are being watched. Also note that even Muriel’s heavenly outfit seems to be more fitting for Earth than shining Inspector-Constable’s suit.
An attempt to threat the same way.
A setup for Michael and Uriel, it might be a part of some undercover games and a power struggle.
Michael & Uriel gave this task to Muriel along the way. Because ineffable husbands aren’t the only ones who don’t like to strain.
They never changed passwords
“you'd have to be a throne or a dominion or above”
Okay that seems to be redundant. Demon’s invasion is not the regular occurrence. Apparently heavenly passwords represent some sort of a cast of the celestial soul and angels can just touch a folder. And there are no new angels in the office BUT.
What about personnel reshuffles that happened canonically?
Example 1. After Crowley had made some troubles Azi has been demoted from Cherub to Principality. It means that he could have had access to confidential folders earlier and he might still have it as a principality.
Example 2. Maybe, Gabriel with erased memory would have it too, but if we assume that new memory = new identity, then it is a controversial issue. Anyway, this password policy is totally fucked up.
Another explanation is based on on the second assumption that angels receive their passwords externally. What if Crowley wasn't a Throne or a Dominion or above? WHAT IF HE HAS STOLEN ACCESS.
Always asking damn fool questions, isn’t he? Fell for this? One of the most popular hacking attack vectors is social engineering. It implies that you are using psychological manipulations to get access to secure data. It is not so hard for humans to steal password this way. And it would be so easy for one creative angel who is brilliantly sweet-talking and successfully prying all necessary information. Yeah he literally fell for questions. This angel (or demon) also might hack other angelic devices like Michael’s smartphone or Saraqael’s memory manager as well. He has room to move around.
Strangers allowed
Small appetizer: a critical issue of angelic nature - they are worse at detecting demonic presence (Gabriel didn’t recognize Beelzebub) than demons and they are too naive (not all of them, okay).
So. Any object with confidential info requires a pass-entry system. But here we have a case of someone (worse than that, a demon) whose presence at office was not sanctioned by the system. I guess a low-ranking angel doesn’t have authority to do that. Anyway no one can reveal his disguise by default. As we have seen in s1ep6 a demon can even take a certain angel’s appearance. Who said that other demons cannot do the same?
And now we are going to to discuss a fucking disaster
Possible imposter
A demon can enter the Heaven accompanied by an angel (Eric in s1, Crowley).
A demon has the ability to disguise as an angel and may not be revealed (example: Crowley as Azi).
And there’s one angel in Heaven who miracles like demons do (by waving hand upwards).
I mean, what if there is more than one grapevine. And here I also have a variety of versions for “demon Saraqael” theory:
Sara has fallen with other demons and they are still pretending. Unlikely scenario bc i don’t believe that they had not been revealed in the last 6 millenia.
Demonic spy. This version explains why they sent Muriel (look at setup version 4 about Muriel). An unknown demon disguised by Saraqael is sabotaging angelic investigation. What has happened with true Sara?
Other variant - demonic spy, but Michael (a grapevine) is in the loop.
A voluntary body swap. We still don’t know Saraqael’s ineffable game.
Wait, what? An ineffable game? They are Almighty?
Anyway, that’s all for today. I don’t know which of all this versions is better (you are dark horse, Saraqael), but we all like to be be fussy about details like gestures, so maybe someone has better ideas about demonic invasion in Heaven.
#good omens 2#good omens#good omens meta#goodomens#good omens theories#good omens heaven#saraqael#go2#go2 meta#crowley#good omens demons#demon!saraqael
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Hi! Can I have billy and stu (separate) with a gn!s/o that cries for 10-30 mins whenever they dont get something right?
A/n why is this lowkey so me
update: after the way i reacted to losing three points on an assignment today,, yeah, this is me
also made some serious progress in part 8 of final girl!! might have to split my original idea for that chapter into chapter 8 and 9 bc i want to have something out for you guys 😭 fell a little behind with school starting and some personal stuff
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Billy Loomis with a gn!s/o that cries whenever they don't get something right:
hm, i go a little back and forth on this bc when dealing with dating killers that have at most a limited amount of empathy capability, emotional, feely stuff is back and forth
But I feel like that's accurate, like one day, you could burst into tears and Billy would be 10/10 attentive physically because he doesn't have the right vocabulary,, and then the next he'd just sort of freeze up or get manipulative
Let's get into the good days though
If Billy knows something's going on that could lead to you crying, he'd take a preventative approach on a good day
Softly rubbing your back while you do whatever the thing that could make you cry is
Won't make you talk about the root of the problem, but will listen more than he lets on if you do want to
If you want to be distracted, he'll think of something else for the two of you to do together
In that vain, if you needed a minute, you'd get as far as the bathroom.
He doesn't like leaving you alone when he knows you're emotional, a part of it goes back to his abandonment issues with his mom.
He may not know a lot about feelings and isn't above the occasional manipulative ploy,, but he knows he doesn't ever want you to feel like that
A small part of him worries that if he does leave you like that you might either resent him or somehow start associating bad feelings with him and try to leave him
He also doesn't like feeling shut out, and likes feelings trusted
Speaking of feeling trusted, that feeling of vulnerability makes it easier for him to be understanding
Even when he doesn't get it or feels like something's dumb, he knows not to say that because he doesn't want you shutting him out
The fact that you're willing to cry in front of him kind of makes the medicine go down easy
Depending on what it is, might even encourage you to try again
Now, onto the not so great days
It's rare that Billy's cruel (out loud, bc his lack of empathy thoughts aren't always the nicest) about you getting emotional, bc he doesn't want to feel like you're going to leave
But there are a few exceptions, the main one being if it involves something/someone that makes him feel jealous/territorial
Like if you're crying over a project that you're working on with some guy, his reaction to that will vary in levels of passive aggression
Or if you're crying because of some fight with friends he feels like you spend too much time with, he'll be even more aggressive/manipulative about it
"Only want me when your new friends are making you cry, huh?" type of thing
Will for sure use these moments to encourage a state of co-dependency, like reminding you how much you need him bc of who or what made you cry
Stu Macher with a gn!s/o that cries whenever they don't get something right:
Okay, so similar levels of versatility to Billy, just bc i see them both having trouble understanding emotions, and having even more trouble caring about other people’s feelings
Just bc you’re the exception to Stu not ever really taking into consideration other people’s feelings doesn’t mean he knows how to help
So his first instinct on days where he’s a little more patient/understanding is to try to change the subject
Sometimes it feels like he’s trying to redirect you like you’re a toddler with too much energy 😭
Like if you’re tearing up or crying over let’s say not understanding homework or getting a bad grade, Stu suddenly remembers this movie he’s been dying for you to see or randomly has a need to go out for ice cream or do anything that could make you stop thinking about something
It’s normally nice, even when it doesn’t feel super helpful to you, because you know it’s his way of showing that he cares
He’ll also probably make fun of whatever/whoever is at the heart of the issue
The jokes have a range depending on how upset you are, if you’re feeling better he’ll probably be a little ruder/more open about his dislike
If you’re super upset, he’ll make fun of it in a more lighthearted way,, will probably also make the insulting parts of the joke more ridiculous so that you laugh
Definitely goes out of his way to try to make you laugh on his more understanding days
He’s also super touchy, will hold onto you in one way or another, usually won’t let go until way after you’ve calmed down
He says it’s just to be sure,, but you have a feeling he has some personal motivations
Now, on his less understanding days, Stu’s first instinct is to manipulate
He sees how emotional you are as an opportunity to push you towards co-dependency,, so he’ll go out of his way to baby you
It’s generally nice,, he’s super attentive, but if you try to do anything for yourself while upset, he’ll be bothered
There is some intended manipulation there, but it’s also because he doesn’t know how to talk about his feelings, at least not without layers of innuendos and sarcastic quips to hide the actual feely stuff
So all he has to show you that he does care, that you do matter even though he might not get why you’re upset, is his actions
It’s a mix of what he’s picked up from media and the softer things he never had anyone do for him when he was a child
So it does feel a little patronizing when he goes too far with it, especially because it’s rooted in things no one’s done for him so it’s not like he has a lot of experience/examples on how to do it “correctly”
It’d be a lot sweeter if you knew why he gets like that, but besides a few implied comments, I can’t see him directly admitting this
Honestly, not always a “bad” thing,, it just has the ability to get a little volatile depending on how you’re feeling and how moody Stu is that day
Also definitely tries to throw money at the problem, will offer to take you shopping as “his treat” while you’re emotional/crying bc that’s the only supportive model he’s seen
#scream#scream x reader#scream 1996#ghostface#ghostface x reader#Stu Macher#stu macher x reader#billy loomis x reader#billy loomis
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im impressed by all the Tsukasa questions you get, hes such a strange little fellow And i also have a question about him lol
I feel like tsukasas the kind of person whose willing to confide in others about his problems (which i think hes openly said), namely the troupe, and if its minor enough, Saki and/or Toya as well. i always got the impression that he thinks he must always be the big brother/leader no matter what because thats really what he was his whole life, i mean he didnt have many to rely on as a child either, did he? Now maybe i just have bad memory, but i dont think hes ever confided in anyone about his childhood? i believe in dazzling stage he was able to sort of heal from the sorrow he felt as a child, but that was all. like. *just* him, no? i always thought the majority of the tsukasa angst written about in the fandom was greatly exaggerated, one of them being how he bottles up his problems, but what im asking is, is that really so far from how he actually is? i think the main thing he feels he just cant talk to others about is his past i feel is a very very important part of his character
i didnt mean for this to be so long my apologies 🙇♂️🙇♂️
No no no, thank you for the ask! I'm sorry it took me this long to answer（┬┬＿┬┬）
I'm also of the opinion that Tsukasa does know how to share his problems (mainly show related), but his upbringing certainly influences how he grows up to be so independent. We know that Tenma parents love both children but I believe that concession had to have been made in the past. Like leaving Tsukasa alone lots of time, Tsukasa visiting Saki most of the time (like it took Ichika 2 hours by train just to go there iirc and she's accompanied by her mom, Tsukasa probably just goes back and forth as often as he could), etc. And because Tsukas also knows that not sharing his problem might make others worry about him even more, so he's fine with letting them know on a need-to-know basis.
And you're totally right! All WxS know is that Saki was sick and hospitalized a lot, so Tsukasa wants to make her smile through shows.... That's it. Other info WxS gets about Tsukasa's past is mainly from Saki, Toya, and Shizuku, not from Tsukasa himself.
While Tsukasa knows how to ask for help, he doesn't really confide his personal issues with other people. Like how he doesn't tell anyone that yeah he felt lonely and sad when Saki was hospitalized and how he just buried those feelings deep inside because they hurt, or how he feels so powerless because his dream just feels so far away. Heck, even in Our Happy Ending we just finally get Tsukasa admitting that parting with WxS makes him feels lonely and it's for Emu to admit her own feelings and cry in front of them. Tsukasa is being vulnerable because he wants Emu to be vulnerable in front of them as well. That's just how much Emu and WxS means to him.
And well, angstkasa definitely amped up the angst to eleven, but I personally think canon Tsukasa just doesn't think much about his problem? Canon Tsukasa problem is that sometimes he's rushing through things--partly due to his personality and partly due to how he just doesn't process his negative emotions that much. And canon tsukasa doesn't really share what he's doing/feeling as long as it doesn't hinder their shows and his family & friends (everyone is surprised when they found out that tsukasa met the otori brothers alone to ask for more opportunities outside wonder stage). I get the feeling that he thinks sharing positive feelings is fine but sharing negative feelings is something that happens just when it's necessary.
About bottling up problems, canon tsukasa tends to go like this:
"Oh, this feels painful/difficult"
Option 1: "I have to do something to remedy it myself!" & Option 2: "It's not important right now so let's just forget about it! (but it's still there)"
Option 1 usually results in him doing things himself without anyone knowing the underlying problem
Continuation of option 2: "Why is this still a problem? Damn, it hinders our show."
"Maybe it's okay to ask for some advice? Just enough so it can help our show without troubling the others that much"
"Okay, I'll try to solve it myself with your advice" => by Phoenix Edge WxS is helping and watching over Tsukasa in this step! This is progress!
SELF-REFLECTION or inner monologue about how it hurts very much but he got this! For everyone and for the show!
"THANK YOU EVERYONE" (doesn't elaborate any further)
Tsukasa doesn't do bottling up problems, he just doesn't think it's a problem while it is very much a problem. Rui realizes it in Pop in My Heart, and Emu and Nene is aware of it by Dazzling Stage. That's why they're so supportive of Tsukasa in Phoenix Edge, and how they become much kinder towards Tsukasa now (especially after the update). Unless Tsukasa being full of himself or an embarrassment, they didn't really tease/prank him that much compared to before.
I think the most noticeable evidence is how both EN and JP fandoms thought Rui would tease Tsukasa over their height difference, only for the official team to say "no, current Rui would not do that, he likes to see Tsukasa smiles". AND THAT'S A HUGE IMPROVEMENT!!! Now, WxS is learning how Tsukasa ticks--even Nene's tongue isn't as poisonous as it was before. Tsukasa learns how to be okay by himself growing up, and now WxS is learning how to let Tsukasa not-be-okay in his own pace. They've seen him being depressed and ruminating his problem by himself right before their very eyes after all, so I guess they're learning to be softer so he would loosen up around them and more willing to share his feelings if he's up for it. The problem is that Emu, Nene, and Rui is also still learning how to push, while for Tsukasa there's nothing to push (while it actually stacks in the corner to be processed later).
Besides, I think Tsukasa just thinks that his past isn't that necessary to be shared as long as he remembers his true feelings. But yeah, it's a huge part of Tsukasa's character, actually. He doesn't really share his personal feelings and past as long as it's not necessary. It's interesting how WxS story also deals about "you're not alone anymore, so don't hesitate to rely on us about anything" while the group leader is more of a "need-to-know basis" in terms of opening up lol.
#pjsekai#project sekai#tenma tsukasa#ask#tsukasa tenma#analysis#Tsukasa is so easy going when dealing his emotions and so strict when dealing with his own standards for himself it's kinda funny#Tl;dr tsukasa deals with problems by not making it a big deal until it disturbs WxS shows#Other than that it's a need-to-know basis for everyone
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i did so much thinking yesterday, well more like rambling, when i was w my bf and i straight up told him why i act the way i act and why i bank so hard and deflate in friendships where i feel like theyre just tolerating me.. and it was bc ive always needed someone or something to hold onto and if i wasnt good enough then theyd leave me and that was the worst thing that could ever happen to me. so i lied sometimes and tried to make myself as appealing as possible while always tolerating things i disliked.
i dont mind being vulnerable on main. i like having deeper friendships but i also have so much social anxiety and im so scared of saying the wrong thing that i almost always never reach out lol. another point i wanna touch on is interacting on here, im sorry if i dont really interact much on my end its literally just my own fear of rejection(rsd yess) even if we’re established friends. id never want anyone to feel pressured to like or interact/talk w me for this very reason.
i think i’ll always be in this limbo of wanting to be accepted but never wanting to force that on anyone. also does anyone else ever feel like their interacts could make the other feel like its transactional? like okay, we talked, now like all my posts LMFAOOO. i think loads of friendships are (possibly) like this and its always like “what can u get out of it” but i hate hate hate that mentality… i just wanna be friends and laugh about the things we like and maybe we can vent about things and even get into disagreements but still repair at the end of it all.
and maybe thats why i love platonic love so much, even more than romantic love ? maybe thats why i love this idea of yearning and being yearned for?
idk, i’m not a therapist and this is just a writing blog and i am just rambling but yeah.
#pibby speaks#erm if u actually read it all u dint have to comment LOL im literally word vomitting cus i cant do that to my bf rn#also this is not a vent just a collection of thoughts#pibby’s journal entries
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a reason why i think hobie likes to mess around lihan
wARNING THAT
EVERYTHING IM YAPPING ABOUT IS ALL HEADCANON !! PLEASE DONT COME FOR ME 😞
Thinking about hanpunk, the main reason Hobie genuinely takes interest into knowing Lihan has nothing to do with things like “love at first sight” or with her being “different” and “mysterious” or with him just being sociable and whatsoever.
To be reaaally honest, lihan is such a ordinary girl (imo). She has pretty much of a blank personality, adapting different personalities depending the environment, just like a chameleon.
She’s naturally a very quiet and cautious person but her struggle to express herself does affect her in many ways;
She doesn’t engage, she doesn’t talk about her opinion, she prefers to listen and follow orders (unlike Hobie) and she never complains. She likes to observe things and simply do as what people say. You can say she’s very selfless in some way.
In simple words; she’s a wallflower (idk why it took me sm time to find this word in my head)
But then what makes Hobie “see” her ?
This might be kind of ridiculous/weird to say but
He likes to see her vulnerable.
Ik what you’re thinking like huh ?? 😨 bUT HEAR ME OUT !! BECAUSE I DON’T MEAN IT IN THE WEIRD WAY AT ALL ?!?! by vulnerable I mean as in when she breaks from her persona and showing emotions.
As I’ve alrd explained on my other posts, lihan is really like- she can seem very rude, reckless and apathetic imo bc she’s just extremely used to enduring her emotions and keeping a cold facade so she doesn’t get emotional in general but also during important situations because deep down she’s extremely like EXTREMELY fragile.
That doesn’t mean she’s a cry baby but she’s very empathetic if you get to know her more; she’s just an expert at pretending and has lot of self control (she’s sooo dishonest and untruthful to herself and others).
And it’s funny because the only person that’s smh able to break that facade is Hobie.
He finds it amusing that he’s the only one capable to do it and so easily too. It’s so interesting and surprising to see how easily she can break that facade simply by teasing her and getting on her nerves.
Talking to him or just interacting with him in general feels like she’s getting exposed or and since Hobie is the only person Lihan can’t beat, that pisses her off SO MUCH.
So yeah, basically,
It’s the fact that she’s not so different than what others think of her that made him even more attracted to her. And despite her seeming ordinary and being a wallflower, he sees something that not much people see immediately in her.
I feel like Hobie is extreeeemely attentive and perceptive. He’d basically know any secrets and gossip going around HQ because he just sees and hears EVERYTHING. And ofc my man is good at keeping secrets so he just stays quiet 🤭
And while others can be clueless about it and Lihan just hides well among a huge group of people, Hobie sees her. And he notices the things she never knew he noticed (this specific quote on slide 10);
He’d sometimes notice her trying to start a conversation with other spider people and trying to get along with them, helping new recruits to get used to the environment and giving them advices while still being very reserved and restrained,
listening to people carefully and giving them life advices, acts of service without anyone noticing she did for them and gifting people things she simply noticed or that reminded her of the person (the christmas comic ☹️)
Like tbh, he at first thought she was kinda like Miguel, as in her seeming emotionless and just hella cold and restricted almost acting like a robot or sum
But seeing her being more compassionate and simply being human and being so caring was what made him actually go like “damn.. that’s new ?”
Ykwim right ? No ? Alright 😔
I love them so much I HATE MYSELF FOR MAKING THEM GO THROUGH THIS 💔
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(accidentally unfollowed u when trying to send this ask dont mind that) HI i think abt caspian a lot do u have any caspian thoughts? - teddy
(hihihi no worries !!! waving at u very fast)
caspian my beloved <3 <3
very very caregiver coded! he probably regresses sometimes but i don’t have any caspian regressing thoughts as of writing this post and i’ll make one if i think of any yesyes
this man has all the patience in the world. he is the main caregiver of a trauma regressor who hates being vulnerable and will fight anyone who looks at her the wrong way, so he’s very used to getting straight up bitten any time he offers any form of comfort
(gill bit him on accident as a trauma response when he was stressed out small and caspian assured him it was fine over and over and over and gill wouldn’t stop until lizzie came over and was like “i bite him so much here watch” and she just bites caspian’s arm and he doesn’t even flinch and that startles gill into laughing,)
idk. how to describe what i’m thinking. he understands that regressors are different people with different needs and adapts accordingly, so his caregiving style will change depending on who he’s with
Lizzie hides a lot of things behind her anger. when she regresses she’s scared, she’s angry, she screams and cries a lot, and caspian is very good at redirecting and diffusing her anger. he can verbally disarm any attempted arguments and has a very smooth, calming voice, but isn’t afraid to be firm with her when he needs to be
a lot of his caregiving isn’t like. treating his wards like they’re kids? he used simpler words and is gentle with them but a lot of his caregiving is just reassuring lizzie that he’s here for her, that the big scary storm isn’t going to swallow them up, that he still has a heartbeat, see? it’s right there in his chest, his neck, his wrist, (she checks all three every time. one of the signals that she’s triggered and might regress is when she subtly reaches over to check the pulse point in his wrist)
He probably wouldn’t ever caregive for chip but i think lizzie and chip would have a lot of overlapping triggers. if caspian recognizes that one of lizzie’s triggers just happened (usually storms or gunshots, etc) then he isn’t surprised at all when chip regresses
he babysits gill on call all the time. gillion doesn’t even realize he’s regressing but caspian hears the slightly higher tone and the slight jumbling of gill’s words as he starts talking really excited and really fast about usually birds but also about the ship and his crew and the cool surface things he learned and he wants to tell caspian about all of it and caspian just smiles and encourages him through the entire conversation, correcting what he gets wrong and praising him for knowing so much
it’s been an hour since i wrote that first “idk if he would regress” thing and i have a thought now. he does regress sometimes, when he’s super super stressed or triggered out of nowhere, but he prefers caregiving? it’s more comforting and productive to him
when he regresses lizzie goes into Protective Big Sister Mode and takes care of him. she can absolutely carry him around. she is intimidating but loves him a lot idk how to describe what i’m thinking but u get the vibes
i have an image in my head where caspian is cuddling with lizzie (she’s asleep and he’s rubbing her back or petting her hair or somethin) and he’s on call with gill and he’s just happy and content because it’s a beautiful thing, being trusted with this
uhh what else. lizzie has told him, in a moment of quiet vulnerability, that she feels the safest when he’s hugging her and he tells her it’s going to be okay
he and lizzie are very open about the regression stuff. they can beat up most of the pirates they come across so who cares? if someone is mean about it they’ll kill them no big deal, /silly
uhhh yeah i think that’s all i’ve got :3
#dad shaped. uncle shaped? big brother shaped. idk i just really like him#asks#jrwi agere#caspian tag#cap. lizzie tag#teddy beloved
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Hello Rylie! How has your week been? I hope you've been managing your work okay and that you get the chance to rest this weekend.
How is Calypso (your cat best friend)?
Your writing for pm Dazai is the best I've ever seen, I love your characterization of him so much.
I'm aware that you're in a bit of a Nanami (and Levi?) focus right now, so feel free to take your time with this if you need.
I was just wondering, with how well pm boss Dazai keeps on his mask, mostly remains collected even in intimate moments, is there ever a time when he loses his composure or his s/o catches him off-guard? Was there ever one instance?
I'm just wondering if there's anything you could do to surprise him, even internally if he's really stubborn. Just your thoughts.
HI NONNIE !!! <33 this week has been so busy already, but i'm managing hehe. calypso is doing great tehehe she says hello 🐱
SORRY I TOOK FOREVER TO ANSWER </3 i feel so bad i get so many asks about dazai these days but yeah.... he is not the main focus these days LMAOO (sorry bby) but thank you so much ! i'm glad you enjoy my writing ! i promise everyone i will continue writing him again <3 i literally just cycle through these three characters so i'm not done writing dazai !
ooh such a great question!! i think that it will take a very very long time for pm boss dazai to be vulnerable with you. like the relationship will start out very rocky + i see it being more of an "arrangement" than anything. unless you've been with dazai since you were teenagers or before he was the pm boss, i dont think he'll be willing to be open with you about much until later. he is very very composed, and it is rare that you can catch him off guard.
though, i think that when your life is in danger, he loses it a little bit. that would be the one instance where i think you could see his mask slip. like if you get kidnapped by one of his enemies, or almost killed in a mission, etc. dazai goes a little bit wild about that, and that's how he realizes you know, maybe i feel something more for them than i thought ??
once you're officially officially together, honestly... i think moments of pure love and affection will catch him off guard very easily. dazai hasn't ever had anyone treat him gently, so when you do something kind for him without asking for anything in return, he is genuinely confused :( he's more willing to let you see his vulnerabilities at this point, so he won't hide the fact that he's surprised. but i can imagine him trying to offer you something in return for such a small favor. like you do his laundry for him or something when he's exhausted and he buys you a gift in return and you're like ??? what is this for and he's like well i just didn't want to be in your debt. and you laugh a little because you think he's kidding, but he just wrinkles his eyebrows because it's a trade-off isn't it ?? it takes him a while to really understand that you just love him and don't want anything in return :((
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Might be being a little greedy asking another monsters and mommies au question, but I'd love to hear more about Carol and her sexuality journey in this please ❤️
i am so sorry, it is 2:30 am (EDIT: kept getting distracted so its now 3:30 am-) so i am not gonna do a sketch for this HFJKGHKFDHK (for now! i might come back later and reward you with one <3)
but you know me. you've seen my frantic rambling <3 you know i would LOVE to talk about carol's sexuality journey in my au! i very much respect matt's decision to not commit to darryl having internalized homophobia/being closeted, especially considering that it started as a joke, etc. but. but! i am a lesbian and i simply cannot see either of the wilson parents as straight and so yeah, carol's B plot is realizing she is a lesbian
A LOT OF THIS IS GONNA BE FAMILIAR TO YOU ISADORA but i havent talked about it before on tumblr i dont think besides vague implications, so! lets dive in!
of the moms, carol has the most like. baggage, i guess? not necessarily tragic backstory-wise - morgan wins that by a landslide - but she has a lot of small individual things that she has to work through, as opposed to the other moms mostly having to work through one big thing each. carol has issues with emotional vulnerability. carol has issues with internalized misogyny. carol has issues with infidelity. carol has issues with repressed homosexuality. carol has issues with the way she was raised. shes got a lot going on! luckily, all of them are extreeemely tied up in each other, which i think helps to make it so she doesnt have too much compared to the other moms? but it makes it a bit harder to pick out just one thing to talk about LMAO
before the start of the story, carol is already struggling with the fact that she feels like shes unfaithful to darryl because she is attracted, very very badly, to her secretary at work. she also is struggling with the fact that said secretary is a young woman. she never cheats on darryl (well. not in. the main au and definitely never before the forgotten realms-) but she still has severe catholic guilt about being attracted to other people at all. this guilt is pushed muuuch much hard once shes around mercedes and samantha all the time, because she is. painfully. attracted to them. mercedes especially, because mercedes very much encourages carol's attraction to her while sammy is more normal about it. samantha is convinced that carol could fix her marriage, while mercedes is going "dump him! join my polycule!" LMAO
this plotline is, mostly, tied up in carol's emotional vulnerability plotline, as thats her main plot! she has the same arc that darryl does, since theyre veeery similar characters (carol is more ruthless/less emotional internally than he is, but thats just about the only difference i cut between them). so, carol's arc with grant follows the same course as darryl's, except the yeet bigly thing goes. a little bit better! lol. grant is still rejected by yeet, and returns to the locker room very upset about it, etc etc. when carol gets around to talking to him, in contrast to darryl's conversation with grant about frank's death, carol instead talks to grant about the difficulties of being gay and how it can be really hard to be true to yourself.
SHOUT OUT TO @aximili FOR THIS BTW he talked to me about carol for a bit and it put some wind in my sails for the direction that this conversation goes LMAO
I AM a believer in grant coming out before the forgotten realms. however, i waver back and forth a lot on if thats true for this au specifically, because i do like the parallel plot of carol realizing that her son is gay at the same time that she is coming around to her own self-realization. regardless, either way, carol starts the conversation very much focusing on grant, focusing only on his feelings, etc. shes very stiff about it and, eventually, apologizes to grant and tells him that she really hopes that her actions dont make him feel like he has to repress his own homosexuality. grant is a smart little guy, and also sees the way that carol talks to her friends hbghjgbdhjfb and pretty much picks up right away that oh. oh. this is about my mother just as it is about me. he awkwardly prods her about it and for the first time in his life, grant sees his mom cry. he cries too, and they hug, and its emotional, but its good. its healing!
carol gets divorced from darryl post-s1. carol, mercedes and samantha form a silly little polycule. grant, terry jr, and lark all have to either make new friends or compete for nicholas's love because theyre suddenly all sort-of-brothers. nicholas has a crush on their lesbian sister instead and that completely kills their codependent little dating pool. all is good in the world <3 ("the twins literally caused the apocalypse-" all is good in the world <3)
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I find it so hilarious that some people are still mad about Bad Boy being about Levi months after it was revealed to be about him. Like some people have said it should have been about Eren... literally the MAIN CHARACTER of the series?? Like at this point it just reeks of jealousy. Anyways, im looking forward to Bad Boy later this year but also nervous because I dont want him to be trafficked 😭
Yeah, I don't get what people are whining about at ALL.
We already KNOW everything about Eren's childhood. Like you said, he's the main character, and we see multiple flashbacks to his childhood throughout the story. Why would we need more?
The thing that people who are complaining about "Bad Boy" don't seem to understand is that we've never gotten to see Levi's childhood from his perspective. We have literally a handful of panels of Levi's childhood, and they're all told from Kenny's perspective, with the sole exception of the one panel we see, where Levi watches Kenny walk away and abandon him. So we never actually got to see any of Levi's experiences growing up from his view point. And given this is HIS childhood, HIS life, HIS experiences, I think it's vitally important that we do get to see it from his view point. I don't know why anyone would complain about this, or be disappointed. When they express that, to me, that's them dismissing the view point of a child who went through truly traumatizing experiences. They're essentially saying that child's perspective doesn't matter. I find that incredibly ugly.
For sure, it's nerve wracking, given the small glimpse we've already seen from the preview pages. I don't know if Levi will actually end up being kidnapped and sold into a trafficking ring or not. But even just the threat of it is horrific and heartbreaking to witness. Levi's had the hardest life out of any of the characters in AoT. And this is why I think it's important to get a real look at his childhood from his view point. So many idiots think Levi is this unfeeling hardass, which blows my mind. You'd have to be blind to think that. But Levi is very reserved, and he keeps his emotions locked away inside him, and that's a result of how he grew up. You couldn't allow yourself to be vulnerable in a place like the Underground. We see that immediately in the preview pages. Levi shows his emotion, shows his vulnerability when he goes to try and get his mother's possession back from those men, and they use it against him. They hurt him for it. He pays the price for allowing his sentimentality to show. We already have an example, then, of why Levi keeps his feelings so well guarded, even before we've had a chance to properly read the story. That kind of thing nearly got him killed in the preview pages we've had, and it might have lead to him being kidnapped and sold into a sex trafficking ring, or very nearly did, in any event.
Anyway, screw the people complaining. Levi deserves to have his story told. So many other characters had their traumatic childhood's highlighted in great detail. Including Zeke, of all people. Why the hell shouldn't Levi have the same? He deserves to have his story told more than anyone, I think.
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vriska + equius’ relationship (i say relationship bc its platonic but idk if i can call it friendship without adding 8+ disclaimers about alternian society) is genuinely so important to me. i need to talk about this more
vriska is the thief of light. she steals light/narrative relevancy for herself, creating darkness/irrelevancy for others in turn. she injures (UNDERSTATEMENT) both of the characters that equius is shown to give bodies/prosthetics for (INCLUDING HERSELF THRU KARMA BULLSHIT.) equius the heir of void is extremely important (something vriska craves) in the form of being part of le/doc scratch, 3/4 of the kids birthdays being in sagutarrius, + dirk being somewhat modeled off him iirc. probably more stuff. also the fact they both have the addiction is a powerful thing line and they both habitually break things. also they have opposite relationships with their lusus (READ THE VRISKY BUSINESS PARADOX SPACE COMIC) they are Parallels on some level its so interesting
and thats just like meta shit their ACTUAL RELATIONSHIP is fucking awesome. their thing is mainly about collabing on aradias soulbot but both of them plan to backstab the other and give it to aradia themself to uhhh get in her good graces i think? in their only 1on1 conversation as far as i know equius’s general tone comes off as…not PATRONIZING but the vibe that hes just entertaining her shit because means to an end shit is clear. he says “make them envy our nobility” implying that he thinks of vriska on some level in the same group as him. which is TRUE theyre neighbors and ceruleans and indigos are the only ones you can rly call highbloods and arent clearly classed somehwere else bc the other 3 highblood castes are clown gang and Fish. and equius openly doesnt rly like seadwellers
anyways back to their actual conversation equius clearly doesnt hold much AFFECTION for vriska but he does put up with her! they dont seem to actually like each other as much as theyre like. allies. means to an end. my weird neighbor whos kinda creepy but is too valuable to actually stop interacting with. vriska likes messing around with him but equius just goes “D—> Stop” and she does it! (also i just remembered that in one of the authors notes andrew hussie says its possible she has a crush on him in which is so fucking funny. irrelevant to this specific thing but holy SHIT thats fucking hilarious) in general equius goes “yeah. yeah. stop. sure” in RESPONSE to stuff vriska says, not reallt bringing up any topics of his own interest
except for at the end: he brings up that he built her metal arm, and vriska does her thing where her sentences look like algebra problems because of all the 8s in them where they shouldnt be, and on the next page vriska slaps herself using her robot arm, which is a one off gimmick but does that mean that equius can control her arm???? what the fuuuuck haha anyways vriska is obviously not a person who likes owing people stuff no shit sherlock.
vriska going to equius for her robot arm is also the main focus of “vrisky business” a paradox space comic thats fucking wonderful. i love it so much. vriska and equius’ relationship is much like the “8lah 8lah 8lah” “D—> Ok” one i mentioned in the last paragraph where equius is simply entertaining the whims of someone he views as lesser, but not lesser enough to be weird about it. vriska pretends she hasnt been mortally injured (saying she stubbed her arm and leg like one would a toe) but is also like a little vulnerable (possibly because of the Blood Loss) stating itd be nice to have a lusus like aurthor who actually serves equius and doesnt eat kids, being way more self deprecating than is decidedly Vriskesque, etc. equius says they dont have many interests in common and also that vriska is lesser than him. at the end, right after her aurthor comment, she admits shes jealous of him and collapses . this is a gross oversimplification read vrisky business here its so good (note this is the preview on the website theres like a continuation on imgur here but i didnt include that bc i just found out about it and didnt want to make this paragraph too long. its here tho its so good)
when arquius happens, vriska Very Obviously fucking LOVES the guy. she says this many many times in no uncertain terms: this guy is AWESOME and Team Vriska forever. which is fair shoutout to arquius. also its implied she has a crush on him which again. so funny. these two are great. not much to say here that i havent already so ill just say theyre awesome again
this post is too long for its own fucking good. tldr equius and vriska are so friends in such an interesting way and i love it
#dove chirps#my stuff#homestuck#vriska serket#equius zahhak#equius#vriska#hs equius#hs vriska#vriska homestuck#equius homestuck#sorry for all the tags i just. like them a lot and i think if there are others out there who like them a lot i want them to see this#also please dont tag as ship theyre friends#i love them. they dont even like each other. theyre close friends. amazing dynamic
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