#but this is an interesting idea bc i do absolutely wonder when god left
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Where in the timeline do you think god died? My best guess would be soon after the crucifixion/resurrection/ascension considering the whole plan behind that was the atonement of all humanity's sins (which would also deny Hell new souls) using his own aspect (the son) as the perfect sacrifice.
Yet it failed, humanity is still wrong and Hell is still being fed, and he can't claim humanity is beyond saving because he's god! there could be no more pefect of a lamb to wipe away his humanities mistakes than himself!, but the son lived among them for so long and got to understand them on a level that he could never do as god and upon rejoining the trinity brings this knowledge and allows for the realisation that was he was the problem, he can't fix sin because he himself is nowhere close to the perfection he demands from all of his creation. And I think that would cause all the cracks to finally break.
This would mean that Mary would live her life, ascend to Heaven to find it in chaos with her son nowhere to be found.
This would also give quite a long time for Lust and Greed to build themselves up before Heaven sorts itself out, 2000 years is a long time for a human but not much for a husk and even less for an angel.
I hope this all makes sense!
ouuuugghhh this is interesting, because i think this can work from a scriptural sense - though there is no appointed time for the second coming, some of the gospels could be interpreted as suggesting it would happen within the contemporary generation. however, it's wholly possible here that the son changed this timeline and ran everything off the rails entirely because of what he saw and learned in his human life. human life is fill to the brim with complexity, with ambiguity, with strife and joy sometimes all at once, and being so infinitely limited in their scope and with such a short existence, i think his ideas just. shifted. sinners are often stuck in situations they didn't choose, they are often powerless and rendered unable to change through stigma, and he knows this because so many transformed instantly when all he did was offer them a bit of help and compassion. yes, there are cruel and wicked people, those that worsen the existence of others for their own gains, but so many that he once condemned as god, sinners of necessity, of ignorance, of mistake, he could no longer see evil in. and so when the trinity is reunited, when the son returns to the father and the holy spirit, he is not in sync with them. this is ultimately what i see as the reason for god's destruction, that the holy spirit, analytical as always, interprets god himself as the problem and so self-destructs essentially.
and it makes sense in the timeline capacity too, for lust to have been so built up, would take....a VERY long time if you consider all the components that had to come together to do this. they would first need to get used to the lower rate of angels, which may be a pretty long period before it reaches the point where they realize their presence has been permanently drastically reduced. then minos would have to be able to organize the people, which seems a difficult task since so many are traumatized or reduced to their husk instincts (i tend to think lesser husks have the capacity to be much more human, but the environment doesn't allow it). finally, he (and i assume other greater/supreme husks) would need to plan, to mine resources, to acquire the materials necessary and work their technology from the ground up all in the hostile world of hell (unless it was too interested in their trajectory and granted a reprieve. just to see what happens lol) to have this functioning society with a massive city that's all now left in the past would take incredible amounts of time. and like you say, 2000 years is long on a human scale, but likely very little to the immortal angels of heaven.
i sort of have the idea that many of the angels, particularly human-born ones, were kept in the dark about god's disappearance. it would be easy enough, i think, as he is likely rather distant from them and the new arrivals wouldn't know the difference but....it's an impossible sell to someone like mary or the apostles. it's likely that gabriel would have been the one to inform them of the situation, especially when it comes to mary - he was the annunciator, and additionally he is depicted perpetually adoring her in dante's paradiso. yet even he cannot tell this mother where her son has gone, and it quietly tears him apart. he wants to believe in the eternal existence of god, that he is all things, yet informing mary of his absence makes him see the all too familiar grief reflected in her eyes. all of it was too good to be true, she thinks, and gabriel begins to consciously think the same. all of it was always too good to be true.
#fr tho how is mary. is she doing ok#all the reading/interpretation for scripture is just my own too!#but this is an interesting idea bc i do absolutely wonder when god left#it's obviously been brewing since. forever given the testaments#but it's definitely possible the world has been coasting without him for a long time now#cake answers
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Bruce Wayne
Bruce Wayne & child!male reader, part 2
Summary: The youngest Wayne is taken and the rest of the boys and Bruce are really not happy. Some fluffy Bruce Wayne to the rescue.
Bruce Wayne x male!reader
Summary: Mafia boss Bruce Wayne hosts a gala where his introverted husband (Y/N) makes an appearance. Bruce is there to make sure that everything goes smoothly for his first public appearance.
Bruce Wayne x male!reader
Summary: Bruce Wayne, the main mafia boss in the Gotham city, is happy with his husband (Y/N). That is, until his husband is taken and Bruce nearly loses it.
Bruce Wayne x male!reader, 2, 3, 4
Summary: Bruce has some issues with Damian in school, especially with English. But Damian's class master, (Y/N), is more than happy with Damian to help him with English. Bruce didn't expect to fall in love with the teacher.
Bruce Wayne x male!reader
Summary: (Y/N) is an personal assistant to the mafia boss Bruce Wayne. Romance is about to ensue.
Bruce Wayne & child!male reader, 2, 3, 4, 5
Summary: batfam x male child reader who likes collecting buttons and random things but also likes stealing random weapons bc they look cool like steals knives from damien and has gotten his hands on jason’s funda few times - REQUEST
Bruce Wayne & child!reader(gender neutral reader)
Summary: Would you write for batfam with young reader(gn )who hates hospitals and doctors but gets hurt badly so they have to be comforted - REQUEST
Bruce Wayne x male!reader
If you're interested in writing it I thought of an idea Bruce(Bats) x tall male werewolf reader Reader is on the run from hunters and is hiding in Gotham. He's way taller than Bruce, a little rough around the edges and a total badass. No one knows he's a werewolf till some hunters come to Gotham, maybe they want to kill reader because he's a werewolf or want his pelt because its rare? Your choice. And maybe a lil bit of batfam? - REQUEST
Bruce Wayne x male!reader
Could you write batdad reader getting kidnapped and tortured by the court of owls because he was a top notch assassin but left them . But batfam don’t know this or maybe just Bruce so the y have to rescue him and become over protective - REQUEST
Bruce Wayne & male!reader, PART 2
I was wondering if I could request a Batfam x Male reader who is Bruce's son (adopted or biological your choice) while out on patrol he gets either attcked by a strangely large dog or some villain injects him with some weird serum? He ends up with a super high fever as his body makes adjustments/changes (example his senses suddenly and painfully heightening) he's becoming a werewolf. Once reader is past the fever/beginning of the curse and are going back to normal life things are drastically different they feel more agitated, aggressive, stronger, restless and oh god the fear what has happened to them? What if they hurt someone they love? (You can decide if their eyes, teeth, claws change with moods) - REQUEST
Bruce Wayne & male!reader
Do you write for justice League? If you do, can I request a male!teen!reader who’s part of. The batfamily and a vigilante and Bruce has to take them to a justice league meeting or somthing and the justice league just absolutely loves them?
Bruce Wayne & male!reader
I wonder how it'll be if Bruce's baby son was attached to Alfred? Like he only wants Alfred to bathe him/dress him/feed him/etc, i feel like there might be a bit of guilt that his butler spends more time with his son then he does (this is a request btw lol)
Batman x male!reader
Hello, hope you're having a good day/night
I really love the cod and reader turning into a werewolf fic ❤️
I was wondering if I could request the batfam x male reader who's been goin out with Bruce (and has figured it out in their own what the batfam do) but reader is trying to hide from everyone that he has chronic pain someday's are manageable where someday's he wants to do nothing but curl in a ball, the bad days are when his mood takes a plummet.
Fluff
Bruce Wayne & male!reader, part 2
I need a ra ndom street kid to adopt Bruce like Batman saves them and they just are like my dad now I adopt you. Bruce doesn’t know what to do
Bc the kid met Bruce once but doesn’t know he’s Batman and a four year old is trying to adopt him
Bruce Wayne x male!reader
so the idea I had was that Alfred has hired a young Butler to teach the ropes for when he grows too old and they’ve developed feelings for Bruce They watching him do his gruelling work out before he goes to fight superman …feeling fear fear for him but also desire him as well then when he goes to leave in his mech suit they tell him how they feel
Bruce Wayne & male!reader, PART 2, PART 3
Hii, can I request dc x teen male reader? They’re partly part of the batfam, he’s Batman’s second youngest son. And he tags along with Batman to a mission with Superman and Wonder Woman, and guess what, they brought their kids too? I mean not like the already existing kids of them, like they’re original characters? Imagine them just not liking eachother at first but they just become best friends during the mission when they almost die and just laugh it off. They are literally just like Batman and Superman and Wonder Woman trio.
Bruce Wayne & male!reader
Could I request a Bruce Wayne x son reader(plus batboys if possible) where bruce finds out reader is his bio son and has been under the care of another justice league member(if possible I’d prefer hal Jordan with reader also being a green lantern and Hal’s sidekick) his whole (or at least most of) life (could you also include hal pettily reminding Bruce that reader maybe his bio kid but he is a green lantern not a bat?)
Bruce Wayne & male!reader
Okay, so I want some angst, so could you do something with Bruce and batbro where reader is the newest member of the batfamily and also a vigilante. His backstory is really sad and never had a parental figure. So when he does something stupid on a mission with no regard of his own health, Bruce scolds and lectures him about it, so reader snaps and says something like “I don’t know why you care so much!” And Bruce reply’s back with something like “because I am your father.” But the reader isn’t having it, overwhelmed with his feelings, he yells something like “you are NOT my father and I’m sure as hell not your son!” And runs away After that. Honestly I’m not sure how to end this so maybe you could think of something 😅😭
Bruce Wayne x male!reader
I saw your last order and thought of an alternative.
In the Young Justice cartoon, they discover that Cadmus has a clone of Superman. Now imagine that the reader (he's from the justice league) and bruce discover that cadmus made a clone with the following dna: reader, bruce and ra's. Everyone is shocked when they discover even Ra's, their son may have Ra's hair, blue-green eyes and skin.
Then you can decide the rest.
Bruce Wayne x male!reader
How about one where Bruce and M!Reader have been dating for a while. Reader lives in the manor and everyone in the family has opened up to reader accept Damien. One night when reader is babysitting Damien while everyone else is out reader is able to finally get through to Damien. He really opens up to reader and even ends up falling asleep in readers lap much to the shock of everyone. Reader becomes Damien’s favorite person and he is always practically clinging to readers side. If not it’s totally fine!
Bruce Wayne x male!reader
Hello, hope you're having a good day/night
I was wondering if I could request Bruce x Bat Dad (and some bat fam)
What if reader knew about the darker things in the world like demons and horrors unimaginable from the time he was small and that's why he doesn't talk about things like growing up or his family.
What if reader gets captured by a cult that torture him in order to force reader to translate strange eldritch books and artifacts.
You can choose how long it takes for Bruce to find reader
(What if Bruce and the batfam find out that reader has been hunting and investigating the supernatural like a small base of operations that looks more like a library with hidden weapons)
Bruce Wayne x male!reader
Hey, can I request Bruce x ex-villain reader, where Bruce needs some information/help so he goes to find the reader (who let Bruce find him) to negotiate. The reader isn't really that keen to go back to the whole action scene because he lives a real comfortablelife at some island or soemthing, but Bruce makes an offer the reader can't really say no to
Bruce Wayne x male!reader
Please make Bruce x male reader who's Ra's al Ghul's Brother? The reader isn't that involved with the league, like Ra's the big brother and shielded him, so he doesn't know that Bruce is batman and bruce also doesn'tknow thta reader's the brother of Ra'd, but at some point in their relationship the reader introduces him and the two only stay civil for the reader.
Bruce Wayne x male!reader
Bruce rescuing a reader who can shapeshift into a bat when scared, like he can hardly control it at first, he's the product of some experiment and of course Bruce has to take him in. So now Bruce finds himself with a small little bat snuggling into the crook of his neck at night because reader has a nightmare
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Hey, I've got a question about Breaker Whiskey, but I firstly also wanted to say that I've been following your work since I somehow stumbled upon Bridgewater and really enjoy your fictional podcasts as well as Dashboard Diaries very much. I don't have as much irl friends who share my fangirl/tumblr side so it's a really nice to have you to listen to.
My question is (if you'd be willing to share) wether the storyline of Breaker Whiskey is already entirely mapped out, maybe even written completely, or if it's more a story that develops over time and you don't know yet how many episodes it'll be? I just keep wondering bc of the slow pace of it, which I really enjoy!
hello!! thank you so much for listening to all those shows!! it means the world to me <3 I especially really understand the struggle of not having irl fandom friends - it took me years to find folks who were as unhinged as I am.
GREAT question about Breaker Whiskey - the answer is a little yes, a little no. part of why I wanted to write it in the first place is because I really missed the experience of writing @thebrightsessions - I had a broad idea of where I wanted that story to go, but it morphed as we went along and building the track as the train was barreling forward was really scary but creatively rewarding. so there has definitely been intentional blank spaces left for myself in writing BW.
there are a few things I knew right from the start:
I want to do the show for a year (260 episodes) and in that year, I will be the only voice
the show is ultimately about the relationship between whiskey and harry, even as the larger plot takes place
I've honed in on details since but I knew what whiskey and harry were doing when "The Incident" happened and I knew what the big event was and what it wasn't
there aren't going to be substantial answers for the first six months
very early on, I knew what I wanted the last few episodes of that 260 run to be, and that has largely stayed the same. I know vaguely the "ending" I'm headed toward, even if I'm not positive it will end after 260
some of these things have shifted a little as I've written and received the listener messages (which have been some of the morse messages and have nudged the plot in interesting directions), but the slow pace was really the point, so I'm so glad you're enjoying it! it's hard. it's hard not to rush ahead and hard to feel some listeners' frustrations around the pace (which I get!). but I miss filler episodes. I miss 22 episode seasons. I miss character development happening over 8 seasons. I miss having to wait week to week, year to year, to see stories move forward. @breakerwhiskey is all of that to the extreme.
so, god, classic me, I've barely answered your question--in short, it will be at least 260 episodes, I actually have the rest of those episodes very broadly outlined, and beyond that...I have absolutely NO idea. it is pretty time consuming to do, and it's all free work, so I'm not sure I'd be able to sustain it forever, but I do like the idea of doing it for a while!
I hope this answered your question and thanks for asking!
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need a part two !! all about revenge but with a happy ending😭 this would’ve such a good series. readers dynamic with mindy and sam is so interesting to me. both mindy and sam loving tara so much but knowing how much tara hurts reader.. PAIN. i see ppl in the comments talking about sam and reader being a possibility but i feel like that’s kind of out of left field. i totally see sam and reader being more like family because of tara and sams just really appreciative of reader and seeings her as another little sister she wants to protect but it’s hard because she has to protect her from tara so mindy does it. and mindy and sam totally give each other looks whenever something particularly unfair goes on between r and tara. it’s like a car wreck where they just can’t look away. i think it’d be cool to see the aftermath though. maybe reader finally gains self respect and tries to move on (even tho i think it’d be difficult after loving someone for so long). i wonder how tara would react to it, the regret she’d feel would just tumble over and she’d want to think she was right in everything all along but no one’s backing her up and she’s likes oh shit i made a mistake and do need help. also think it’d be interesting to see reader and quinn maybe develop a relationship even if it isn’t serious. like them just fooling around do reader has a distraction and quinn would know. god knows reader isn’t ready for anything serious and quinn, being ghostface, well this would be a perfect opportunity to drive the relationship between tara and reader even more into the mud. quinn would totally be like “she never appreciated you. and you deserve so much better” to reader and r would be agreeing with her but still defending tara. and tara would be all jealous and she’s forced to see it cause r has a roommate so they can’t go to their room and quinn lives with tara so she cant escape seeing them together. and when quinn reveals herself she’d totally make fun of the relationship and be like “and don’t even get me started on r because even when we were together all she could talk about was u, tara” and she’d spit taras words back at her and be like “you’re right she is pathetic. there’s no wonder you kept her around with how she’d follow ur every move/i get why you’d be tired of her bc she was so obsessed with you” and tara would be shocked at the cruel words and hurt because she realizes that’s exactly what she said to reader. i feel like i won’t be seeing a happy ending cause there’s so much angst but i will be rooting for a happy ending ! sorry i’m rambling but it came to my head and i had to let this out. lmk ur thoughts idc if u think it’s bad lol
was this based off anything ? i kept thinking of second best by laufey but a million other songs ran through my head
Okay, first of all, i absolutely love long asks and I'm gonna make sure to answer this with the same energy🤠
I see people are starting to want happy endings too, huh🤨 While I don't think second best is gonna turn into a series, maybe I could make alternate endings for y'all
I do love Mindy and Sam's relationship with R because they balance each other out. Mindy stays by R's side because she knows Tara has Sam and Sam feels relieved that R is getting support from Mindy because she can't leave Tara
And yeah, i don't really see R getting with Sam on part two. However, since I love mixing characters from different universes that I've watched, I considered a lot putting Enid Sinclair (at least a version of her) as Tara's new "competition".
But I also have to say I love your idea of it being Quinn! Although I would make her more of a Tiffany Valentine (if you've seen Chucky) killer in a sense of being a passionate lover who's not afraid of hurting her partner
About it being based off anything, it's not really, at least not intentionally. Second best was actually supposed to be one of those "4 times and 1" where we would see the 4 times Tara put R second and the 1 time R had enough. I'm glad with the outcome though.
And I loved your thoughts! Honestly, you make great points and I'm happy that people seem excited for part 2🥰
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I'd be interested to hear some of your post-SRIV ideas, either for antagonists or just plot thoughts/ideas you've not yet shared :)
i wanna hold off on saying anything definitive on antagonists since i’m still not certain yet + i wanna do some more research and development on several things. but i have a long thing i’ve written talking about oleg’s role in the story and his general lore. so in earlier drafts of my backstory for him and his late wife, i did have it written that they had a son who was killed when the rest of the crime family died after oleg left for steelport to find loren. i ended up writing it out tho bc i just wasn’t sure about it, but i’ve been thinking about adding it back as a segue into his conflict post-sriv. i’ve definitely mentioned it before but there is this vague recurring theme of family w oleg specifically (the brutes seeing him as a father figure, the saints arguably becoming a new found family, and a lot of his interactions w the boss definitely come off as the boss seeing him as an older mentor/father figure, always coming to him to ask for advice). so w that in mind, he’s a character i can absolutely see as having been a literal father. it definitely adds even more to the tragedy of his character, which may have been a reason why i’d initially removed the detail about him losing his wife and son.
so how does this come back to post-sriv? the developing plot i have currently involves former members of his old crime family reappearing and him being unsure what to do, or if he can even trust them. originally it was ppl who switched sides before the syndicate fight unbeknownst to oleg, but now i wonder. what if it’s the former friends of his late son (as in the kids of other members of the crime family), just all grown up now. like would you really put it past a group as shady as the syndicate to take these kids in and shape them into assassins for their sake? i’d argue we barely know the ins and outs of the syndicate, the layers and overall organization of the group itself. with that said, if the ppl from his past who returned were ppl he knew when they were very young…..of course he’d feel more willing to trust them? to see them grown up and to think oh my god they survived, knowing everything he lost. but them having become wholly loyal to the syndicate and just trying to manipulate him. hmmm
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"so there’s like. gift of the moon is both an erasure of dark and a story that makes him synonymous with humanity" -> it's funny how in the two brothers it's dark who wants to reclaim their power and wipe "this experiment"—a word light used in the lost fable to describe the world—from existence while light offers an option to take humanity's form and walk amongst them as equals if they prove themselves worthy—which he absolutely did not do lmao. like. yeah it's a fairy tale but ngl sounds like someone is doing some pr moves 🤔
also makes me really wonder what dark's endgame is going to be...
reading the two brothers always cracks me up for how appallingly bad ozma is at religious propaganda. this is the wise benevolent god of light whose example we should follow, he got pissy when his brother created [checks notes] tides, weather, biodiversity, and plate tectonics. brother light needs a new PR agent
anyway. what i’ve been noodling on a lot is that… like, the metaphysical philosophy pyrrha shares in v1 describes the soul as self-identity, and the ability to understand both light and darkness. and that’s… that’s dark’s gift. in the two brothers he gives humans “knowledge of themselves and their world […] so they can comprehend life and death” and then the god of light adds free will on top of that foundation (“the power to decide what to do with that knowledge”).
and that has some interesting implications re: the god of light’s disdain for humanity and his approach to immortalizing his chosen one being a never-ending cycle of destruction of identities, both the hosts whose individuality is gradually eroded away and ozma’s sense of self being ground into dust by the inescapable trauma of existing as a spiritual parasite. but it’s also really interesting for what it says about the god of darkness, that he, not his brother, is the one who created the human soul.
(it also potentially has some implications about the grimm—just because humans believe they’re mindless doesn’t mean they actually are, and the god who gave humans sapience is also the god who made grimm.)
and then, like.
light thought of humans as an experiment and treats them accordingly. but in the two brothers, dark agrees to do it because he’s bored and he likes the idea of making something that can “think and communicate like [them]” because “they won’t be as predictable” as everything else the brothers had already made, and once they exist light is “overprotective” and “underestimates” humans while dark delights in their resilience and resourcefulness. similarly, his response to salem before his brother intervenes make it clear that he wants humans to come to him with their problems and he is willing and able to make emotional connections with them, to see his own loneliness reflected in salem’s grief and answer it with kindness because it pleases him to do so. and when he turned on her it was bc his brother convinced him that she lied, that it wasn’t real and she only approached him as a thing to use.
the god of light wanted to rule, wanted humans to see him as an absolute authority and obey without question. (he was furious with salem for accepting that he said no and turning to another god instead. which is just. how polytheistic religions work lmfao) but the god of darkness wanted to be worshipped, in the reciprocal do ut des sense, and treated salem accordingly.
i figure that’s going to be the critical difference in the end. dark isn’t… good, by any stretch, but he does understand the essence of human nature a lot better than his brother (because he’s the one who gave it to them!) and he demonstrably wants people to engage with him the way salem did when she petitioned him originally. he’s not on the same page as his brother vis-a-vis humanity, and if light is banking on him pulling the trigger again… well. i can’t imagine dark has gotten any less resentful or jealous of his brother in the hundreds millions of years since they left remnant, and i also can’t imagine that a god capable of empathizing with a single human’s grief through his own loneliness wouldn’t also be able to see himself and his resentment in humankind’s struggle before the “obey or die” ultimatum light gave them.
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Hi! more rainworld stuff, but i wanted to tell you something different.
First, I absolutely LOVE rainworld, but secondly, try and get into contact with a friend or someone who knows the game. Its open world which sounds neat, but i dropped the game several times because the mechanics actively punish you for exploring. Basically each time you survive a day, you gain Karma. Karma is needed to pass to other areas and progress, but Karma also goes down when you die. This can end up just straight up softlocking you if you get stuck in a spot where you're repeatedly dying and cant go anywhere- ive had to reset whole runs because this happened twice on my own playthroughs. The only reason i completed the game was because a friend told me the route to go and was on VC guiding me.
Additionally, some mechanics can be frustrating and hard. The Karma mechanic is the worst by far, but sometimes you can just Die because a lizard fell on you or bc a particular scavenging creature simply thought your vibes were off. The game is rigged against you from the start- as some mentioned you are at the bottom of the food chain and absolutely everyone hates you, and it shows. The game does a wonderful job at showing this! I am not saying this is inherently bad! It's an interesting concept! But GOD it can be so unfun at times. Its not hollow knight or celeste levels of hard- those games are fair. Rainworld is not.
I know it can be exciting to persuade someone to get a new game, to be the reason a new soul finds something they love. But Rainworld isnt a game everyone will enjoy playing, and if its just left in your steam library collecting dust, its wasted money. Rainworld has its moments- i loved it when i snuck around lizards with stealth, managed to kill a vulture by causing infighting, or befriended a lizard by saving it. The difficulty absolutely makes every accomplishment satisfying- but for me, it gets soured when some stupid green lizard screams "GIBBY!!!" and falls right onto me from the screen above.
If the idea of a difficult, unfair game with triumphant moments and a lot to explore, with lots of player agency on where to go and what to explore, and a wide interconnected food chain where you are at the very bottom does NOT sound like fun, maybe watch a playthrough or read the lore? If someone else you know has the game and dlc, theres a multiplayer feature on steam that lets you try the game for free if you so wish.
If you do get it just look up a movement guide btw. The game doesnt tell you some important features like sliding or backflip throws and they are just downright required in some sections.
oh this absolutely doesnt sound fun to me thank you for the warning! ill watch a playthrough sometime maybe then. i like playthroughs.
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hi!!! i just finished episode 3 of monster donut and i have a few thoughts/questions (i wrote this all out and then got distracted and accidentally closed the page, so I’m gonna do my best to rewrite it from memory):
1) thalia’s faith in her father vs luke’s lack of faith in his father is mentioned, and how signs from zeus are enough for thalia but luke wants more than a sign from hermes. do you think it’s possible that this is partly just because of their experiences with the gods so far / how the gods have influenced their lives thus far? bc luke’s life was heavily influenced by the gods bc of his mom’s curse. on the other hand, we don’t really know if thalia’s life has been influenced by the gods so far (aside from learning in HoO that her mom traded jason’s life away to a goddess, though I wonder if she blames her mom for that more than the gods), since she believes zeus helped her meet luke and so far that’s been a good thing
2) i think the question of how long luke kept the diary is really interesting. at one point it was mentioned that maybe he kept the diary for as long as he still believed he could change fate, so i wonder if maybe he kept it until thalia’s death. but also, the idea that he kept it up until right before he left CHB is sooo intriguing, especially with the idea y’all mentioned of him intentionally leaving the diary in the hermes cabin for someone like him to find
anyway yeah those are my thoughts, i might have missed something i wrote in the original message but c’est la vie ig
THANK YOU FOR THESE
1) yes!! i think that's absolutely part of it. emily actually mentioned something like this outside the podcast but neither of us could fully remember how often zeus was supposedly around in thalia's life before she ran so we figured we'd talk about it when it comes up in the reread, but my thought right now before rereading is yes, i think thalia probably blames her mom more for sacrificing jason than she blames the gods and being raised in an environment where zeus is in and out of her life and her mother is constantly searching for signs from zeus could easily have rubbed off on her, while luke is only living with the consequences of hermes' actions and so has never had any reason to yearn for more of his influence in his life. we'll see if that changes once we actually get to thalia & jason's backstory though
2) ok this is where emily's and my thought differs, because i actually think these ideas can co-exist. i don't think luke gave up on the idea he could change fate when he saw thalia turn into a tree, i think he blamed the gods/fates for it but believes his choices can still change the trajectory of his life even after he leaves camp. in this scenario, leaving the diary behind was a strategic decision rather than a declaration of his loss of faith in his ability to change fate though (HOWEVER in a way this version IS giving into fate bc he knows the diary is meant to help him work his way through a world-changing choice and likely feels he's made it when he leaves camp, though considering the choice is to challenge the gods idk if he wants to think of it that way). or maybe he kept it up through botl. though i think he probably feels fate bearing down on him around ttc/botl and starts to give up that hope that he has any choice in any of this.... actually i think we just need a full version of luke's diary with handwritten notes and doodles and interludes where annabeth found it while they were on the run and made a little page for herself and also torn out pages and scratched out paragraphs that make you go Hm.
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I can't tell you just how heartbroken Wonders of Ohio left me. I've only ever felt that way with one other fic, and even then WoO topped it. Unlike WoO, the other fic had a very clean cut ending to it (they both died at the end rip) so I wasn't left to my own thoughts about what could've happened after. Which might be why WoO has been absolutely haunting me for the past two days, it hasn't left my mind at all. I think about certain moments, the ending, oh god ESPECIALLY THE ENDING, AT LEAST once an hour. I get that familiar feeling of my throat drying up and my eyes begin to water when I think about it. Another reason being the way you write. I was able to immerse myself into the story and imagine what I was reading in my head, one specific case of this I remember was when Draco made Reader and himself late to school. When he was fidgeting in the passengers seat, his hair unkempt, I could almost see him. I imagined draco with his messy platinum hair, wearing a muggle polo shirt because its just so posh rich kid of him, nervous as he leaned over the middle compartment into the backseat as he performed that glamour spell. I've never been very creative and imaginative but with your writing it was easy for me. It reminded me of how I was able to do the same when reading the Harry Potter books, being able to almost live in that universe in my head was so refreshing. Anyways this is really long, SORRY, but when I saw that you also had a Tumblr (as I originally read your stories on AO3) I just had to look. I scrolled through your page for a while and I gasped when I eventually saw that you posted what you started on writing for a continued ending? (I don't know how to phrase it I'm sorry 😭) I read it and while WoO is still breaking my heart over and over again, I think I'll be able to think about it for longer than 5 minutes at a time without bursting into tears now. So thank you. 🩷
AHHH i’m so upset bc i typed out a whole response and the fucking tumblr app (count ur days staff) deleted it urghhh
anyway some points i’d like to hit (apologies for the length but i just wanted to give this the response it deserved):
1) first of all THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHABKYOU this was genuinely the highlight of my whole year. people like you are the reason i write and i’m being so genuine when i say that this message is like the kind of stuff i dream about getting as a writer. so in conc i’m kissing you on the mouth you didn’t need to but you wrote all of this out and for that i’m forever grateful
2) some thoughts on the ending: first of all IM SORRY lmaoo. i’ll let u in on a little secret: i actually originally planned on a completely different ending where y/n ended up using the box right off the bat and went back to england and spent the last half of the fic learning magic and interacting with the golden trio crew/the malfoys. i told this to a few writer friends and they made me realize that it wouldn’t be as useful in actually answering the silly question that i based the whole fic on (what would draco do if he was plopped in the middle of muggle america?). i decided then that i really was more interested in learning how draco’s character would develop as he came to love someone who was fundamentally differently from him (and didn’t first go through a change that departed from her basic character traits). from then on i realized that a happy ending wouldn’t involve either of them giving up their world at the end of the summer, since they needed to grow up a little bit (and at that point i was old enough to find the idea of giving up your entire life for a relationship at 18 completely terrifying). hence the sad ending…but i think in the long run it means that they end up having a much healthier dynamic later on!
3) if you want to know about what happened after the deleted scene you found: i left the ending so open because i always thought i’d come back to write another series where i explored what happened after, but i don’t think i’ll end up doing that so i’ll tell you what i was planning. i always imagined y/n eventually going to england after graduating and getting established in her career and learning magic (because like literally who wouldn’t if presented with that option). draco is just kind of like a stay at home husband who’s just psyched to be there.
4) thank you so so much for your note about how immersive WoO was!! i’m ngl i’ve always struggled with incorporating imagery into my work. i spent my formative years avoiding anything i considered to be purple prose and that really reflected in my writing. i’m not a super visual person so if i could mention the 3 details i think are important in each scene and could just get on with the meat of the plot, i would, so i’m so thrilled to hear that it was able to give you that experience as a reader despite the fact that i’ve always been worried that i can’t 🥹 thank you again for telling me all of this bc it genuinely warmed my heart i know that this is a little disjointed but oml this like made my day
ill stop talking now because i’m gonna get even more incoherent okok but thank you!!!!! <3
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i've decided to start in central hyrule & work my way outward re: shrines & seeds. reason: i am weak af and if i do this i will collect materials along the way which will help me upgrade my armor, or at least give me something i can cook and/or sell, and seeds and shrines will help me with weapons/health/stamina. win/win/win if collecting korok seeds doesnt make you wanna end it all
obviously i am gonna have to do this in Small Doses. i'm thinking every x number of seeds/every area i stop and do one of the sidequests in my backlog to keep it interesting
i'm on the other island next to hyrule castle looking for the chasm the map swears is here. i'm starting to wonder if i cant sneak into hyrule castle via these, even though there's a wall, because there's a deep spot on the other one. i am not <3 going to find out
so it is Not here. i can't find any sort of cave entrance or anything it could be in, like the other one...does it unlock later...? is this too part of the fifth sage quest
eigh the hyrule castle music coming it. stop i know i know im too close!!!! such different vibes from the deceptively peaceful central hyrule of botw...
IF OUND THE CAVE!!! ANOTHER FROX!!!!!!! i'm scared!!!!!!!!!!
OH EWWWW WHEN YOU'RE IN THE AIR IT TRIES TO CATCH YOU IN ITS MOUTH THAT IS SO GROSSSSS
i used. almost literally. every weapon i had left. i have like a fire wand a mining stick and two shitty swords. what the fuck what the fuuuck
luckily there's a lightroot like right here. i saw it when i got in but i was Uh. busy.
well there is fuck all else down here so now my new priority is finding weapons. i know lookout landing has some...hinoxes usually carry good ones...AUGHGHGH
god the ones here SUUUCK i am in such trouble.
i cant fight a hinox with no weapons...so thats out
maybe a construct camp...? i could start in the great sky islands. literally back 2 basics
luckily i still have lots of arrows and many good strong bows, so i can use that to my advantage
took out a construct camp. got one (1) Pretty Good sword
okay, with some fusing i now have 2 pretty good swords, one pretty decent sword, and two shitty ones, plus a fire rod, mining stick, and...an actual stick, that i picked up off the ground, just in case. i think i can work with this
landed in the deya village ruins! i've been wanting to poke around here actually...then i'll get back to central hyrule lol
very nostalgic...this is where i got my first blood moon in botw...since it was already night, the ruins were creeping me out, they remind me of a spooky location in okami. and i had no idea what was happening when the sky went red and the music changed because i hadn't seen the red moon rise, i was looking at the ground!! it really freaked me out lol, i'll always remember it
yooo there's a shrine in this well!!!!!
there's a talus down here KICKING my ass. his little thingy is on his back and i never know how to defeat those 😭
I MISS STASIS >:(
got him. jesus fuck
on the bright side this is another cool thing to add to my weapons. my supply is refilling itself rather nicely
back in central hyrule and i found a little island absolutely COVERED in flint and arrows. environmental storytelling.........not sure WHAT story they're telling but i see them telling it
OHHH my god. when i was flying over. some gloom hands just. SPAWNED BENEATH ME. TOTALLY SOUNDLESSLY. AND NOW I'M STUCK UP HERE BC IF I GET DOOOWWWWWN
this is the thing. this is the thing. when i said "guardians are scarier" i'm not implying these motherfuckers are not scary. bc they are. but u have to understand my first encounter w guardians was a complete and total surprise. just, bam, piano, YOU'VE BEEN SPOTTED, the sheer terror of fleeing for cover
but the hands. everyone talked about the hands before i got there. i saw them spawn down at the bottom of the labyrinth at a good distance away. i had time to absorb what was coming and it was not remotely a surprise
and then they spawned in the dark, without a single sound
and then they spawned UNDERNEATH ME, without a single sound
THERE IS NOT EVEN MUSIC PLAYING RIGHT NOW. EVERYTHING JUST WENT SILENT.
these are the antithesis of guardians. a guardian will scream its presence at you and the scream makes you wanna duck and cover. the hands will be killing you before you even know they're there. anytime anywhere no warning whatsoever. it's apples and oranges. they're both fucking scary
anyway i can't get down from here.
i can't get down and i do not want to fight them I Do Not Want To I Do Not Want To I DO NOT WANT TO
if i wait long enough, will they despawn...?
ok no. i gotta go for it. im so scared
went for it, made it, barely. the music didn't start but they looked up with their horrible eyes and they were on their way to me. i went over a hill and i stopped hearing the sound effects and now i hear normal music again but i sort of have to go that way a teensy bit to get ym korok seed and i'm too scared. what if they're still there! when do they despawn!
ok. i'm gonna go for it and if i see even a hint of them i'll fast travel away >:(
absolutely zero signs of them of COURSE it's way too far away but some chuchus jumped out at me and scared me shitless
at least guardians don't keep scaring you AFTER THEYRE GONE. theyre def cooler tho
okay i have to quit now bc it's bedtime and also for my own mental wellbeing. EUGH those hands!!!!!
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bestie your sleep schedule scares the shit out of me pls take care of yourself and make sure you get enough rest !! YES I WOULD BE VERY INTERESTED IN THE SOLON WOLFBAT ART. I HAVE NOT YET SEEN ANY OF YOUR ART (i think??) AND I WOULD BE VERY EXCITED TO !!
ON THE TOPIC OF BATS THOUGH as far as we know the dark moon boys cannot turn into bats so wouldn’t it be funny if “real vampires” just . couldn’t? and that the media made it all up? like imagine sooha asking if they could turn into bats bc they’re vamps and heli goes on this rant like “no actually that’s a harmful stereotype because historically vampires were left in decrepit abandoned places with a naturally high bat population and-“ and sooha just cuts him off like “that’s a shame, i bet you would’ve been cute as a little bat” and that shuts heli up REAL QUICK. i also very much agree with noa hanging upside down to sleep for fun- and i raise your scenario like This:
solon: why the hell do you keep sleeping like that you do know we’re not ACTUALLY bats, right?
noa: it’s comfortable!
jakah, who was sitting on a tree branch and then swung back so he’s hanging upside-down next to noa: he’s right about that, it’s also very beneficial to stretch your back muscles like this
DJAJEBAJEB THE VAMPS BEING DECELIS CRYPTIDS IS GREAT BC ITS LIKE . IF THEY WERENT THAT HOT/ATHLETIC THEYD BE ABSOLUTE WEIRDOS BUT EVERYONE IS BLINDED BY THEIR PRETTYBOY SMILES AND COLORFUL HAIR AND JUST SWOONS OVER ALL THE WEIRD SHIT THEY DO- imagine once they crash after that finals week grind and no one hears from them so sooha gingerly pushes their door open like “guys? you all okay in there? i brought ice crea- ohnotheyresleepingimsosorryohwaitthatskindofcute” and snaps some pictures for blackmail material before leaving
- vrvr anon
LSGFJFHJF its fine (maybe not but whatever) its not like i stay up crazy late and wake up crazy early, these days i stay up to anywhere between 1 and 4 am and wake up between ten and, like, 2 pm (altho my average is between 11 and noon). im sure its probably unhealthy somehow but i definitely do get enough rest (except for today when i had to get up early to intercept a package for my dad-- i compensated via 2 hour nap later tho), and i am aiming to get my average down to like. 1 in the morning instead of 4. i kinda just revert to being semi-nocturnal every summer lmao
OKAY YES WEREBAT ART. ITS NOT SUPER COMPLEX AS MY ART GOES BUT IM PROUD OF IT I THINK IT LOOKS NEAT (also its almost more purple than blue but SHHH)
(also gonna shamelessly promote myself for a sec and say that my art tag is #my art, u can check it out if u want-- or i can just put all the digital art ive made so far into an answer to another ask if that would be easier)
ive always liked the idea of vampires being able to turn into bats because i love animals a lot and supernatural creatures that can turn into other things have always been super fascinating to me (werewolves, selkies, and the like). but in canon yeah its probably more likely that they CANT do that (the idea of it being a harmful stereotype is hilarious), although there will always be an au in my head where they can. in canon, however, the concept of the brothers adopting bat-like behavior despite... not actually being able to do that is top quality-- AND YES god i bet hanging upside down from a tree like that would do WONDERS for your back jakah is so right (i personally have shit posture and my back is probably all sorts of messed up in very tiny ways because of it lmao), but now im also getting the image of the scene directly after that where the branch cant hold their combined weight and gives with them still hanging from it, so they end up in one big pile of vampire on the ground with a bigass tree branch on top of them. and solon is just staring at them completely deadpan like "you deserved that"
NO YEAH THE SCHOOL CRYPTIDS 100%. the hypocrisy of the general student body feels so funny to me, because your regular average student might be like "i havent slept in three days these finals are killing me" and immediately get a minimum of ten scolding/disgusted remarks from their friends like "yeah you LOOK like it" "bro thats not healthy get some sleep" "do i need to bring you a pillow?" "or some sleep-inducing tea?" "bro how are you functioning" meanwhile heli says he straight-up hasn't slept for a week and everyone's just going "omg he's so cool and mysterious i could NEVER do that" "he must be so dedicated to have pulled that many all-nighters 🥺🥺🥺" and the Average Student before is just. SO done. they probably grumble something about pretty privilege before passing out for sixteen hours straight LMAO
also to add onto the cryptid notion . i imagine that WHEN they're pulling all these all-nighters, the vamps get restless and leave the dorm to walk around for a bit (ignore both the concept of a curfew and the fact that decelis is a night school when reading this following sentence), and theyre probably not the only ones doing this because. finals. high school. you get the idea. and if the glowy eyes in the dark thing i mentioned with noa applies to ALL the vampires,,, there have probably been several instances of perfectly normal students walking around the campus at night in the dark and coming across these tall, shadowy figures in the halls with bright glowing eyes and. well. good thing they were already planning to not get any sleep that night ksgdjfbfn
SOOHA FINDING THE VAMPS IN THEIR BIG OLD SLEEPY PILE AFTER FINALS AND SNAPPING PICTURES FOR BLACKMAIL PURPOSES.... SHUTTUP THATS SO CUTE.
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So we got a bunch of new information in Jim Povolo's Nightmare Time streams, and all the new facts are in this amazing google doc, by @abiimaryy but that's just the facts and I want to give my analysis on this.
The Sniggles are lesser entities in the Black and White that were enslaved by the Lords in Black.
All of the Lords in Black have Sniggles but not all of them use them in the same way. Pokey doesn’t particularly like the Sniggles as he only likes his own voice
Webby doesn’t have sniggles
Honestly, this is kinda what I and I think many others assumed, esp after Watcher World. Although, this does leave me wondering what they look like even more since they're native to the black and white. Absolutely in love with that second point, once again we get further indication pokey is a self absorbed theater kid, good for him.
Time Bastard had to take place in 2004 as 2005 is an important date in the Hatchetfield Universe.
The Hatchetfield timeline split creating multiple realities.
ok so I'm basically taking this as canon confirmation that the timeline split in 2005, creating all the alternate realities, meaning the only question we have at this point, is when in 2005 does the split occur- Hannah's birthday, or PEIP opening the portal?
Webby is part of a species that used to live and be dominant in the Black and White. She is one of the only ones left.
This is such such an interesting concept to me. First of all, there are others like Webby, second of all, they were the dominant species, third of all, they're almost all gone meaning they've been killed off, but by who? Her brothers? I find this especially interesting with the wording of "one of the only ones left" meaning there are still others left and we just haven't met them yet.
Webby’s mother is a giant spider goddess.
The Lord in Black’s father is a giant chaos entity that has no consciousness and is evil. But he’s dead now.
so I'm not quite sure why it's phrased this way since the lib are webby's brothers and therefore they share at least one parent, but whatever. The idea of a "giant chaos entity that has no consciousness and is evil" is incredibly rad to me but something that seems so powerful must be hard to kill, so who did it, and how?
The father of the Monroe boys appears in Episode 2 of Nightmare Time 2. Possible fathers:
Bob Metzger
Louie Metzger
Lars Metzger
Carl Metzger
Solomon Lauter
Ted Spankoffski
Counselor 2
Boy Jerry
Hmm ok so out of this list, my initial thought was either Boy Jerry or Ted bc that'd be kinda funny, but honestly, the most likely option is probably Solomon bc I don't see Linda wanting to sleep with any of the other men on this list simply due to Soloman's influence
Wiggly is the current king in Black
Nibbly is the least evil Lord in Black. He’s just a being of hunger.
First thought: Ah that explains his title
Second thought: Yeah I was right about him being the most Extra TM lib
Third thought: God what a mood. He's not evil, he's just angry. Maybe sacrifice like two at the honey festival and he won't bother you for two years or something, idk
The Lords in Black were all spawned from the same deed of evil
I find this incredibly interesting. They were spawned from "the same deed of evil" meaning they were formed based on something someone else did. But who? And what did they do? My initial thought was Willabella, but she worshipped them, I don't think she made them, plus they're probably ancient chorn messed up and accidentally created them
The tree people give the soil of the Witchwood power.
Now, I think this is especially noteworthy. The forest itself isn't powerful, but as the hatchetmen planted more people, the forest grew in power, and so did the web that kept Willabella out. Supposedly this means that chopping down trees dampens the power of the forest as well.
Anyways, there were a few other bullet points, but I didn't have many thoughts on them, so I recommend reading the doc for the full list. I would like to note that all this info is making me think about the Gift again, and where it comes from. Does it come from the Black and White or the Witchwoods or somewhere else? I'm less inclined to go with the Witchwoods theory after reading the last bullet point since Willabella wouldn't have had the Gift otherwise. I don't know, these are a few of my thoughts, how about yall?
@hatchetfieldtheories
#hatchetfield#blue rambles#nmt2 spoilers#willabella muckwab#webby#lib#wiggly#nibbly#pokey#sniggles#this got long sorry
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acquitted love || sjn & reader
title: acquitted love
pairing: johnny suh x reader
genre: fluff, angst, co-workers!au, lawyer!au, one-sided enemies to lovers
word count: 8.7k
warnings: some language/cursing, brief mentions of sex but there's no actual discussions or explicit conversations of the topic, but generally pg-13
prompt: you absolutely hate johnny suh. but when your boss pairs you two up together for one of the highest profile cases, you’re left working close with your enemy but he doesn’t seem to think that way of you.
a/n: tada!! i wrote this for the @/ficscafe fic exchange event!! so @urlocalnctstan , hope you enjoy this !! i tried to write it according to what you put as your preferences, but honestly T_T it was so hard bc i was just not getting any ideas!! hopefully this is something you’d like :D enjoy !!
“God, isn’t he just… so attractive?”
Along with a click on your tongue, you feign a hit in Hyeri’s direction, whose reflexes have gotten so much faster in the past couple years of knowing you and it shows when she cowers underneath your arm. She gifts you that not-so-apologetic smile, full of mischievousness because she knows no matter how annoying she can be, you’ll still love her nonetheless.
“Why do you keep talking about Johnny? You know he’s banned as a topic of our conversations.”
Hyeri rolls her eyes, crossing her arms over her white frilled blouse. You know that she doesn’t actually inhabit any romantic feelings for Johnny, but she has a problem of thinking without the usage of her brain when she sees a hot guy.
Not that you think Johnny is hot.
No.
“Come on, you can’t tell me you don’t think he’s at least an ounce of smokin’ hot.” She’s unraveled her arms by now, poking your shoulder incessantly to grasp onto your attention as you're tapping on the buttons of the copier machine. “I bet if you asked him out, he’d say yes.”
You briefly glare at Hyeri. “You realize that he and I don’t get along, right? He keeps finding stupid loopholes in the system to win his cases. He thinks with his heart, not his head, and sometimes, with whatever that thing was in his pants.” And, not to mention that he walks out the court with that big grin stretched from cheek to cheek, giving the ‘good news’ to your well-respected boss (who you desperately seek the approval of but that’s a different story for another time). And every single time, she gives him that nod of appreciation, that ‘nod of approval’ if you will, when it should be given to you and not to some asshole who fucks his way to victory.
“But he’s so hot—”
You narrow your eyes at your friend, and with a stern voice, you call out, “Hyeri.”
She shrugs. “Honestly, though, he’s hella smart. He’s got a job here, and works under your boss. It’s Park, Kim & Associates—notice how Park is first, because she’s a fucking genius. She only picks the intelligent ones to work under her. Why do you think I’m still working for Mr. Kim?”
Park Seohyun and Kim Gonghyun—one of the biggest lawyers in the region, decided to join together to build their own law firm from the ground up. They were both highly respected in their field; Kim Gonghyun spent years of his life being mentored by one of the most famous judges, and as for Park Seohyun, she was, simply put, admirable because of the obstacles she has overcome to make her dreams of working in law to be real. Being a woman, young, and beautiful, she’s had her fair share of encounters with people who disregard her potential, that is until she met Gonghyun—who, admittingly is an old man who seems like he’d be traditional, sexist, even, but he proves to also make people realize how wrong they are with their impression of him.
But, as Mr. Kim is getting older, he’s gotten a bit… lazy.
In fact, he’s been slacking so much that he’s gotten a new rep in the office—if he was your direct supervisor, or your supervisor was under him, you were on the side of the office where all the easier, uncomplicated cases were assigned. Which meant that there was a slight possibility that your talents and skills weren’t as sharp and exceptional as you thought they were.
And well, Hyeri works directly underneath Mr. Kim.
Hyeri doesn’t want a heavy workload, despite the fact that there’s a plethora of files on her desk, stacked up one onto another as tall as her PC tower, and they were all open and closed cases—needless to say that she didn’t mind it.
“Okay, but you got offered a position under Seohyun. Do you really think you’re not wasting your potential?”
Hyeri scoffs. “Never. At least, not now. I’m still in my twenties, I’d like to enjoy my youth while I can, for your information.”
You quirk a brow. “And does any of that pertain fucking Johnny? The hot guy, so you claim?”
She immediately has her hand covering your mouth and you scowl. “Shhhhh, he works here!”
You bite the flesh of her hand and Hyeri instantly retracts. “You think I don’t know my archenemy works here? He sits directly across from my office—I get the best view of the guy and I’m not even one of his fangirls.”
“You’re not gonna be one of those girls who claim they’re different because they don’t like him but then end up falling for him anyway… are you?”
Your hand goes up and Hyeri crouches down.
“Stop it.”
“Seriously though! It’s the classic e2l love story,” she has her hands gesturing in front of her like she’s making an imaginary rainbow, “Two lawyers, constantly butting heads, accept each other’s differences and learn to love—“
“The fuck is an ‘e2l’?”
“Enemies to lovers.”
“Are you high? Stop spitting nonsense.” This time, you’re waving the stack of papers that finish printing in front of her face. “Meet me for lunch later. But if you keep talking about my archenemy and I falling in love, you can kiss a free meal goodbye.”
Hyeri gasps.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought.”
Maybe. Just maybe, Hyeri might be a tiny smidge right when she says Johnny is handsome. Just a bit though, because she can’t get credit for something like that.
He’s dyed his hair this shade of brunette that sort of reminds you of roasted chestnuts on a cold, winter day, sitting inside of a cooker outside of your childhood home, baking along with some sweet potatoes your mom had gotten from a farmer’s market nearby. Johnny has this focused gaze attached to the screen of his monitor; there’s a dip in the fronts of his brows, lips tightened into a straight line, and constant switching back and forth from the computer while taking notes down in a book that’s laid open in front of him.
You wonder what’s running through his mind, or well, you’re more interested in what files he has sprawled out on top of his desk.
Truthfully, if it hadn’t been obvious enough, you weren’t quite a fan of Johnny Suh and it’s mostly due to his work ethic. He’d been notorious for his reputation of sleeping around—especially with the opposing side—so it’s hard to convince yourself that he didn’t win the case because of his actual capabilities, but it’s because he pulled some strings.
And Johnny doesn’t put much effort into denying it either.
Albeit deep down, you were a teeny bit envious of his confidence. He struts around the courtroom with ease, and when he presents his position, there’s no staggering in his voice—it’s always crisp and clean, weighted with nothing but credence, and never straying from his initial perspective. It’s never a lack of poise, it’s consistently the look he goes for; from the hand gestures and the furrowed brows, to the rhetorical questions in the end of certain statements that has the speculators and jury sitting at the edge of their seat, Johnny had a talent for performing in the courtroom, but that doesn’t mean anything when the way he gets to the success isn’t ethical.
Just at that moment, his eyes lift from the screen and meet yours.
There isn’t any hesitation when you scramble to grab the remote controller, and the shades drop over the windows instantaneously.
“Fuck,” you mutter underneath your breath, tossing the remote onto your desk and shaking your hands after. What if he thought you were admiring him? Maybe he didn’t see. Yeah. It was for a brief second, and with how close your offices were to each other, it would be common to accidentally lock eyes… right?
Interrupting your thoughts, the office phone rings and it nearly startles the living soul out of you. But before you reach for it, your head tilts to the side curiously because the extension number is familiar—it’s Park Seohyun’s, your boss.
What could she be calling for?
You don’t remember fucking something up—but to be fair, half the times, you never really know if you’ve actually fucked up until someone with steaming ears and a crimson face comes storming in. So… did you do something good? Again, you don’t think that’s right either, because other people would’ve made comments about it.
Deciding to swallow your nerves, you pick up the phone.
“Hello?”
“Hey!” Seohyun never fails to be bubbly, and you could never mimic her energy. You definitely had to be born with that kind of enthusiasm. “I have a favor. Hop into my office.”
Leaned back in her leather swivel chair, she had her fingers laced with each other while resting over her stomach. Johnny stands beside you (and you do your best to not look directly at him, especially after that weird staring thing), and you both feel like kids being lectured by parents from how still you are. Her office is huge, probably the size of both yours and Johnny’s combined; with ceiling to floor windows, cases of books that line the perimeter, not to mention the humongous ass couch that practically covers the other half of the room, and her desk was so wide, you estimate about four monitors would fit on there with still additional space for work. That wasn’t even the best part—the view of the city looks almost like a generic lockscreen of a Windows computer, and you’re not even sure why she goes home at night when she basically has a penthouse here.
“As you know, I have a favor.”
“Right,” Johnny retorts, mostly as a filler in the awkward silence. “So… what’s the favor?”
She pulls a box from her purse; square, black and made from a leather material with a lock pad stitched into it, something you’ve never seen before, and she slides the passcode in, then it pops the lid open. A key (a… very small one) sits in the velvety cushion, with nothing else occupying the space with it, and it looks comical. She uses this to open the very top drawer of her desk, and as she pulls using the handle, there’s another box inside, but this time, metal instead of leather, but still black.
What the fuck?
It seems Johnny shares the same thoughts, because he sneaks a glance over at you.
“You see,” Seohyun begins, pressing on the digital keys of the box until there’s a beep at the end and the case hisses open. “There’s a lot of security for this. Which means you understand the importance of it.”
Then, she picks up four manila envelopes and lies on the surface of her wooden top desk. “I have a family emergency to attend to this upcoming week. I’m boarding a flight tonight. So I’m leaving the Hwang v. Yoon case to the two of you.”
“Fuck—”
“The what?”
You and Johnny are sputtering out of shock. The Hwang v. Yoon case is the biggest case that the firm is involved in currently, and the only people involved in it have been Seohyun and Gonghyun. It’s been on every social media platform you could think of; from Facebook to Twitter, TikTok to Instagram—there’s even this weird website for emo/grunge teens or strange kids that like writing fanfic called Tumblr, and whatever that is, it’s discussed on there too.
“What about Gonghyun?”
Seohyun scoffs, closing the drawer and dropping the key back into her special box. Where do you even get a box like that? “He can’t handle this alone. So I’m kicking him off until I come back. I thought about letting the two of you work with him, but his ego is so inflated, it’ll get in the way of our chances of winning. It’s easier if it was just me and him, but seeing that things at home aren’t well, I’m going to need you two to step up to the plate.”
The room goes quiet. The only sounds you hear are the muffled noises of a typical bustling office outside the thick walls of Seohyun’s office, and at first, excitement rushes through your blood because Seohyun thought of you taking over a special, high profile case.
Albeit, another realization gets soaked up, and it’s that Johnny also came to mind, and that because it’s such an important case, the two of you would be… working… many… hours… together.
Maybe you should back out of it—but then again, this is such a one-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Imagine winning this— it wouldn’t be good for just the law firm, it’d be good for you too. Your name, in articles on these big fancy news websites, perhaps even on new channels, talking about how you, this amazing lawyer, won the Hwang v. Yoon case.
But then you’re snapped back into reality when Johnny leans over to take the envelopes from Seohyun.
If your name is on those platforms, so is Johnny’s.
God, this guy just ruins everything, doesn’t he?
“We’ll take care of it, Seohyun. You can trust us,” he says assuringly, a smile tugging on each corner of his lips with that dazzling gaze. “We’ll be at our best.”
Kiss ass.
If you had the option, you wouldn’t be spending your Saturday night here at work, in one of those conference rooms with a long table in the middle, a big projector that displays on the wall, and a random black leather loveseat couch that lines the one corner in case there’s too many occupants.
Especially since the person who’s accompanying you is Johnny Suh.
There’s probably a lot of people who would kill to be in your position (Hyeri being one of them), but you dread it. Not to be that person, but what’s so special about him anyway? What? He’s tall, has some muscles, long luscious hair that he can slick back with that sultry stare—wait, what?
“Alright, moving on…” From what? You guys just started? It’d been clear with Seohyun that the mornings would be dedicated to other cases, but nights would be considered overtime and where you’d zoom in your focus on Ms. Hwang’s justice. “Let’s take a look at the facts here.”
Johnny slips off his blazer, hanging it on the back of one of the chairs as you’re seated in another, leaning back comfortably with an arm resting on the table. He loosens the first few buttons of his dress shirt before folding up the sleeves, and that’s when you notice a little thing in the inner crook of his elbow—is that a fucking sunflower? Is that what he uses to reel girls in? That he’s soft enough to have a pretty little flower etched onto his gentle, silky and supple—
“Okay,” he says, interjecting into your thoughts with a laser pointer in his hand. He taps on the space bar of his laptop that mirrors what’s on his screen, but then, that’s when you realize what’s on the slides.
There’s a collage of pictures, mostly street, casually walking themed ones, but the common factor was that they were of Yoon Changmin, the man you guys were up against. They were all paparazzi-like photos, which begs the question, how did he get pics like this, and why did he get them?
“What’s the point of this?” you ask, voice laced with nothing but suspicion.
“We gotta get into the mind of the enemy.” You wanna get into the mind of your enemy, too.
You gesture to the one image of Changmin with an arm around his girlfriend and a finger up his nose. “Seems like he’s trying to reach inside of his head instead of us. These are just everyday pictures, Johnny. What’s that going to do for us?”
“Well,” he begins, turning to look at the wall of ‘evidence’. “You see—wait, holy shit.”
Freezing in the midst of reaching for your coffee, your head jolts in the direction of your partner. “What? What is it?”
“Holy shit,” he exclaims, “Hoooooooooly shit. Why didn’t I see this before? This changes everything.”
Furrowing your brows, you’ve given up getting your drink and dropped your hands onto the table. “Tell me, what is it?”
“This is a game changer.”
“Johnny,” you call out sternly, and his eyes link with yours before he instantly points to a particular picture with his red laser pointer.
“Look at that.” There’s pride saturated in his words, but when you look at what he’s indicating, your body slouches in disappointment.
Why the hell was he directing your attention onto Changmin’s thighs? Surely, there’s no denying that they were attractive—you recall that his alibi was at the gym that very night of the crime.
“What? He’s guilty for showing off his toothpick legs?” They were lean, you never said they were muscular.
“No,” he retorts, slightly irritated by your response as he rolls his eyes. “Look at his pants.”
“Okay…”
“They’re jean shorts.”
There’s a pregnant pause, but the expression on your face is so loud it can’t be hidden.
Johnny continues, “That’s a fashion crime.” He says it as if it’s an obvious fact known by many. “Not to mention that it’s fucking raw hem. He should be arrested.”
Suddenly, your opinion of him thinking too much with his heart dissipates because it seems like he’s thinking out of his ass instead. Did he win those cases out of pity? How did this guy even pass the bar? How about law school? How the hell did he even get into law school?
“I don’t think—”
“Listen, alright, just hear me out,” he’s got the palms of his hands resting flat on the surface of the table, doing his best to gain your full undivided attention. “Only assholes wear jean shorts. They flaunt that shit around like they own the place, but they’re horrendous pieces of clothing that should not be on a male’s body. I don’t care what you say, what your opinion is, because that is a fact.”
Puffing your cheeks, you feel at a loss. If Johnny is who you had to get this done, it feels like you’re not going to be finding much evidence any time soon.
“Okay, if… if that’s how you want to play it, then show me the evidence—other than those 2012 cut off denim shorts.”
He reaches over to hit his space bar again, then with a wink and a slide change, he leans closer to you and says with that deep, honeyed voice, “Gladly.”
You hate admitting when you’re wrong.
Ironically, you concede and will confess when you actually are, but it doesn’t mean that you enjoy it. For example, when Hyeri claims that the intern Mark had a crush on you, you quickly waved her off, stating something along the lines of, “I’m too intimidating; there’s better chances of him being scared of me than ever finding me attractive.” And then a week later, you owed Hyeri free lunch at that hip ramen place downtown because Mark had approached your desk that very morning with a bouquet of red roses flowers for you, a cheeky grin glued to his face with pools of hearts in his eyes, and ready to ask you on a date because it was the day after his internship had ended. Naturally, it wasn’t fun rejecting that poor college boy.
But, you won’t say you find Johnny interesting or handsome. Or that there’s potential when it came to possibly (just barely the slightest smidge) that you’d ever consider asking Johnny out. He’s your enemy here, you’ve mentioned that a multitude of times, and you stand firm on that very declaration, despite the fact that sometimes when he gets too close, your breath gets caught in your throat and you feel like you can’t get whatever’s lodged in out.
Albeit it’s not the whole “you guys are gonna end up together” comment that Hyeri makes and resulting in you denying it afterwards, it’s that Johnny might… be a decent lawyer.
He’s not the best one you’ve seen; the stupid revelation he had on the first day working on the case about the jean shorts is evidence for it, but it’s the days following that were slowly changing your perspective on him.
When you said, “He thinks too much with his heart more than with his head,” it was 100% correct.
When meeting with potential witnesses, you recognized that Johnny empathizes with people often; when they cry and start panicking from being overwhelmed, he's quick on his feet to put an arm around them, share reassuring words, and have them back to normal in record’s time.
And, well… you? You’re the one making them cry in the first place.
You don’t want to fully take the blame for being the cause of their tears, but people need to hear what’s happening, and the very detail that they can’t even handle this information probably means they’re not worthwhile as a key witness.
Johnny, of course, thinks otherwise.
He believes that these people should have a voice (although you’ve alluded that they might be more useless than helpful), and putting them on the stand with Yoon Changmin there would change the view of the jury to supporting Hwang Naeri.
“Listen, if we get these people to sign the form, we’d get witnesses and it’ll help Naeri,” Johnny claims, frantically moving his arms annoyingly as he talks, trying his best to express the gravity of the situation, “and maybe, maybe, money wouldn’t be how Changmin wins, but how he loses. We can’t have another person with jean shorts walking on the streets of our city like this—they deserve to go to prison.”
You scrunch up your nose. “Why does this always revert back to the jean shorts?”
“It always has to do with jean shorts,” he snaps back matter-of-factly. “Any straight guy wearing jean shorts with that much goddamn confidence has done some wrong in their lives.”
“Right, but I’m pretty sure that the crimes he did are mainly the reason why he’s being prosecuted against.”
“Jean shorts are the windows to the soul.”
“I’m almost 100% sure that eyes are the windows to the soul, but whatever. If you genuinely believe that the women we met today would benefit our case, then… okay. Let’s bring them to the stand.”
On the contrary to you, Johnny doesn’t have a hard time convincing witnesses to testify. You see the way that he works; those kind eyes directed at the participants, the pools of chocolate were sweet, saturated in nothing but tenderness and warmth, then he does that weird thing where he reaches for their hands and cups them before the words that escapes from his lips are enough to swoon them to stand in front of a courtroom.
Maybe, just maybe, there’s a method to his so-called madness.
Aggression and bluntness don’t work, it seems, because when you’re the one attempting to convince these people to go against the man that had done them wrong, they’re less willing to do it. Something about ‘moving on,’ and ‘not wanting to relive those memories again,’ but if it was you, you’d want justice. Then again, not everyone is like you, and not everyone thinks like you, and spending this abundance of time with Johnny is slowly getting you to ease into that perspective.
So… the initial impression you had of him may have been wrong.
And maybe, just maybe, you’re developing some feelings for him, just as Hyeri predicted.
“Do you have a boyfriend?”
His abrupt personal question is enough to have the coffee spill into your mouth to slide down the ‘wrong throat’ because you’re choking, hand on your chest as you’re tackling to regain your breath again and Johnny only stares in disbelief, blinking blankly. “Are… are you okay?”
You glare at him through a hooded gaze. “Well,” you clear your throat once more. “Now, I am.”
“Cool.” He nods, retracting his hand so he could rub your back soothingly, deciding it’s best to stay away. “Are you going to answer my question?”
Quirking a brow, your head tilts slightly in puzzlement. “Why are you asking this?”
Johnny shrugs. “Isn’t it weird that we’ve hung out with each other for a whole week—stayed here for nights and we both don’t know anything about each other?”
Tapping your fingers against the wooden top table, you sigh. Maybe he’s got a point; after all, “Keep your friends close; keep your enemies closer,” right?
“No, I’m single.”
Johnny’s face suddenly brightens, ears perked, and his body straightens its posture in his seat at this revelation. “Oh, uh, I didn’t know that. You seemed busy in your personal life, so I, uh… was just wondering.” He looked anxious, but you couldn’t pinpoint why. “I, um, I’m single too, by the way, in case you’re wondering.” You weren’t.
The plethora of cardboard and plastic boxes scattered across the table was a representation of the night. It’s been long, exhausting, and messy, mostly because it’s a Friday night, the hearing was on Monday, and the two of you were nowhere near close to having enough to present to the court. In fear of disappointing Seohyun, the two of you agreed to stay over the office for the weekend to cram work for the case. There’s no denying that the atmosphere is weirder on the weekends, especially since, well, no one really comes here on the weekends. Johnny had to use the bathroom earlier and ran into the cleaning lady and she nearly shit her pants because she didn’t think anyone was here, so she had music blasting in her headphones.
Johnny is… interesting. He makes you laugh—or well, want to laugh, but you don’t give him that sense of satisfaction—and he’s smart but in his own weird way. He’s not like the other lawyers you’ve met, or any of the law students you attended University with because he’s more lighthearted and free-spirited than the rest, taking life in strides instead of just overwhelming himself in the abundance of stress that work brings.
He’s entirely the opposite of you.
And maybe you could learn something from the guy, but there’s something in you that brews hatred toward him. Possibility that you resent how easy he makes being a lawyer seem when you’re struggling in your day-to-day life to make things work.
But it’s way too fucking hard when he’s just… like that.
Despite all of that, he’s very generous and kind toward you. On rough days, he delivers your coffee order, the one you always get because he remembers what you asked the intern to get for you the last time, and he’s good at identifying when you’re just having that kind of day. You eventually learn he has a photographic memory (fucking show off), so when he saw that crumpled napkin with scribbles of what you want in that dumb intern’s hand, it wasn’t hard to remember. Which, by the way, is how he’s able to get into the most prestigious school for undergrad, manage to pass the bar so easily, and get into law school effortlessly.
And knowing this information sort of angers you more.
You know this isn’t his fault—he’s been blessed with a trait that people desire, one that you also yearn for, but the lucky ones get handed a lot of things in life. You wonder if he’s the type of guy who wins girls easily after matching with them on dating sites because of this stupid ass ‘photographic memory.’ Does he sleep with them right after? Does it ever get serious?
You shrug your shoulders and shake your head. You shouldn’t even let these strange thoughts haunt you, especially when you don’t even like him.
He’s a spoiled brat who gets everything handed to him on a silver platter.
So you’re left counting the remaining days until the trial so you don’t ever have to work with Johnny Suh this closely again.
Okay, well, it’s evident that bad luck is glued to your side because after you win the Hwang v. Yoon case for your law firm with that asshole, Seohyun is so impressed. So goddamn impressed that she insists that all the high profile cases are to be given to both you and Johnny.
To work as a team.
Together.
Jesus, this is Hell for you.
Surely, the promotion and raise that came along with it was definitely a plus, but it has you wondering if it’s even worth it. He’s been your unspoken enemy since the first day, and although you think you’re pretty forthright about your hatred for this guy, he can’t seem to read social cues.
When you’re pushing the double doors into the conference room the two of you often spend working on cases in, you expect Johnny to be ready for another day. But strangely enough, Johnny doesn’t have his laptop out or any of the notebooks sprawled across the table.
“Um,” you slide the strap of your bag off your shoulder and onto the spare chair. “Did you come late or something?”
He takes in a deep breath like he’s been holding back something. “We need to talk.”
There’s worry inscribed into his features; from the crease in between his brows, to his pursed lips, and eyes soaked in concern, almost like he’s got bad news to share and it has your stomach in knots. Was it that the case was thrown out? It couldn’t be, right? You both worked hard, presented your stance to the point that the jury and the judge were in awe with your findings. Sure, you had to cover Johnny’s mouth right before he was about to go off in a tangent about jean shorts, but overall, it was a good win, a hard one to go back on and pull out the wrongs of it. So what was it?
“I’m quitting our partnership.”
You blink. “What?”
He gestures to the room with his hands as if there’s anything out to reference. “This thing. Our work. The big profile cases. The famous stuff. I told Seohyun that I won’t be doing it anymore and she can revoke the promotion and the raise.”
You’re still not catching on. “… Why?” Was it something you did? Yeah, you weren’t a big fan of Johnny either, but were you so bad that he decided to not go through with the raise because of you?
“Because,” he pushes his blazer back, hands sliding into the front pockets of his navy blue trousers. “There’s a policy put into place. Those who are on the same cases cannot have any personal relations with each other that extend past friendships.”
“We’re not even friends?” With confusion written across your face, your head tilts to the side. “I’m not… I’m not catching on here.”
“I like you.”
Startled, the words you want to say are stolen out of your mouth. You’re left with a mixture of perturbation and bewilderment, uncertain where to go from there because Johnny asked for the removal of both a promotion and additional money that could be so good for his career… and it’s all because he has a crush on you?
“You quit the best thing that could’ve happened to you because you like me?”
“Yeah,” Johnny states calmly, sucking in his cheeks for a brief moment. “Ain’t that romantic?”
You scoff. “No. Absolutely not. You’re insane! Why would you do yourself dirty like that? Use your head, Johnny, you’re constantly thinking with that stupid heart of yours, and hate to break it to you, but it won’t get you anywhere.” Combing your hair with your fingers, you let out a sigh. “Go ask Seohyun for the position back. Say you made a mistake and—”
“I’m not asking her for the position back.”
Johnny doesn’t make any sense to you. “What? Why wouldn’t you do that?
“Because,” he laughs in disbelief, not because he thinks you’re funny. “I’m not going to force myself to work with a girl that I keep falling for. That’s self-inflicting, you realize that, right? You’re amazing, but you can seriously be so dense sometimes.”
“I’m dense? You just told one of the best law firms in the city that you don’t want to work on the important cases anymore because you have a stupid crush on your partner!”
“If we were on a team with more people, maybe it’d be different. But it’s just us two. You think I won’t fall any harder? That’s not easy. Every time I see you working, I swear I could be hopelessly in love with you one day.”
Your heart stops for a second.
This is Johnny Suh you were talking about here. One of the claimed best lawyers in your office, one of the most intelligent people that Hyeri has ever met, and Seohyun evidently backs this up because she’s given him so much recognition for his work. He’s the guy who worked with you to win the Hwang v. Yoon case, he’s the one who brought up the stupid jean shorts that seemed so far-fetched at the time, but they were a crucial detail everyone missed—it so happened that when Changmin bought those dumb shorts, there was evidence of at least one of his crimes in that store from the security cameras.
Any cis-gendered male who wears jean shorts can’t be trusted, according to Johnny.
And candidly speaking? You couldn’t even deny that. Your past two ex-boyfriends both wore jean shorts and the one cheated on you and the other one was caught money laundering.
“Listen,” he begins, interrupting your foggy thoughts. “I’m not asking you to tell me you like me back. I’m telling you because you should know, and that I can’t go on any further without letting you know. I’ll, uh, be in my office. Seohyun said she’d find a replacement for me.”
Hyeri is his replacement.
She’s great company and does a good job of helping you with whatever you need, but that was just it. Hyeri followed you, she never led with you, just as Johnny does. Agreeing with everything you say, mindlessly trailing behind everything you do—Hyeri was smart, but she couldn’t figure out how to think for herself when it came to these bigger cases because she’s never been given such a responsibility. But you couldn’t even blame her because it’s what she was told to do under Gonghyun.
“You said that you think Maeri snatched the bracelet?”
“No, I said if you watched the security video that the jewelry store submitted, it clearly shows that Maeri snatched the bracelet. Not that I ‘think.’ The proof is right there, Hyeri.”
She nods, resuming back to her work on the computer. Truthfully, Hyeri felt more like an assistant than a co-worker, someone to bounce ideas off of and to see from a different perspective. And as much as you hated Johnny, he had decent points. He had ways of making you put yourself into the shoes of people you never thought you were; although the guy was obnoxious, at least he actually was… good at his job.
Deciding you can’t take it anymore when Hyeri asks for the tenth time that hour about your beliefs rather than her own, you abruptly stand from your seat.
“Where are you going?”
“Out,” you reply shortly. “I’ll be back.”
It was just a spontaneous thought. It’s after hours, and although there are some people who stay behind to get some work done, you had your doubts that Johnny would still be here. He seems to have a better grip on that work/life balance thing people talked about (unlike yourself), but it didn’t hurt to check his office, right?
It’s a good thing you went with it. Because right across from yours, there’s Johnny.
There’s one single lamp that shines over the tabletop of his desk, and the other sources of light in his office are from his computer screen and the ones from the city skyline from behind him. It has him seemingly angelic like this, so serene, calm, and collected, only focused on what’s laid out in front of him. The sun has gone down, people have gone home, but Johnny remains, hardworking as always, despite your previous observations that he’s a lazy, unprofessional guy who gets everything handed down to him.
With a knock on his glass door, he flinches, head raising up and eyes meeting yours.
Were his eyes always this sparkly?
Opening the door, Johnny drops the pen in his hand and crosses his arms before leaning back in his seat. “What’s up?”
“You’re here late,” you state the obvious, and Johnny only nods in return, without a rebuttal in sight. “You aren’t normally here late. At least, before the Hwang v. Yoon case.”
“Yeah, you’re right. But Seohyun dropped something on my desk this morning. Wanted to work on it. What brings you here?”
Inhaling in a deep breath of courage, your hands bundle up into a fist by your side. “Please come back.”
Johnny raises a brow. “What?”
“Come back,” you reiterate, this time, it’s less tense and releases with ease. Caving in isn’t usually this effortless to you, but something about Johnny makes you feel… comfortable enough.“Come back and work with me again. Yes, I’m not supportive of how you do things—”
“Then let’s go out on a date.”
You freeze. Legs rooted into the floors of Johnny’s office, you’re left immobile and diffident on how to react next. It wasn’t what you were expecting, although you weren’t quite sure what you were hoping to anticipate, but it most definitely was not this.
“I—”
“I said my terms,” he retorts, shutting the book in front of him before shuffling up from his seat. He’s leaving, you realize, and Johnny’s ready to head home for the night and you’re not sure if you could handle an entire weekend with Hyeri here. “And, I meant what I said. One date, and if it really doesn’t work out, I’ll stay on the case.”
Chewing on your bottom lip anxiously, the next words that come out are out of character for you. “And… what if it does?”
A soft smile tugs from each corner of his mouth. “Then we’ll figure it out from there. Promise.”
This is… awkward. It shouldn’t be, but yet somehow, it remains awkward.
You’ve spent weeks with Johnny before, and those moments were in a room, in the middle of the night, and alone. Hours and hours were dedicated to work, yes, but it was just the two of you and nobody else.
So why is it so weird being in a five Michelin star restaurant with him?
Maybe it’s the atmosphere. The dim lights, the white clothed tables in lieu of the scratched up wooden one back at the law firm, and instead of leather seats, there’s a neutral beige chaise cushion for the dining chair, slightly less comfortable because it doesn’t recline like the one in your office. Instead of an array of photos and evidence disseminated in front of you, there’s a laminated menu with a multitude of options of what to have for dinner.
Johnny gets the steak with mashed potatoes and string beans, and you order something similar but seared salmon for the main protein. The waitress offers wine, babbling on about the age of the red, where the vineyard is located, and the dryness to sweetness—to be honest, you could care less; you’d rather have gin and sprite with a squirt of lime. A couple glasses of that and you can almost guarantee that the night would end with a deep slumber.
Oddly enough, Johnny seems nervous. Ever since he pulled up in his midnight black Audi in front of your apartment complex, he’s been acting strange. He keeps wiping his sweaty palms off the material of his trousers, occasionally swiping off the droplets that fall on the side of his face.
“Are you… okay?” you suddenly ask, adjusting your dress in your seat. Deciding to go with a black silk dress with a slit up the leg and your hair let down, it’s not a look you often sport but since you’re going on a date (one you haven’t been on in quite some time), you figured it would be nice to at least play the part.
“I’m, uh, honestly, I’ve never really asked a girl out before.”
You quirk a brow curiously. “What? You’re telling me you never asked a girl out before?”
He lets out a bashful laugh with a faint nod, making an attempt to swallow his nerves after. “Honestly, I’ve always been asked out and not the other way around. Not to sound like that guy, but I never really had to put effort into trying for girls. They kind of just…”
“—Throw themselves at you?”
He beams. “Yeah! Like that. I don’t really know how to react half the time, but it makes the whole dating scene a little bit easier.” Geez, he called you dense, but he’s over here acting clueless.
Either way, it feels like whatever opinion you had about Johnny remained true. He never had to try when it came to the dating scene, and you could only imagine what that means for work and the relationships he has with the women in your career field.
“Mm, does that usually happen with work too?”
Befuddled, Johnny leans back in his chair. “What do you mean by that?”
With a shrug of your shoulders, you’re poking the meat of your salmon that falls off easily. After the first initial bite, the fish practically melts on impact when it touches the tip of your tongue, smooth like butter and bursting with flavor that couldn’t be described by any common person because it wouldn’t do the salmon justice. Johnny seemed to put a lot into this date, and you’re left pondering what the point of this was. Did he actually like you, or was he trying to get into your head? “Just seems like you get a lot of special treatment.”
“Are you jealous?”
“In what way?” you snap back.
“Are you jealous of me because I’m getting this so-called special treatment that you think I’ve always had, or were you jealous of the girls that seemingly got my attention?”
You’re left without anything to say.
It was a good observation he made because truthfully, you never saw it like that.
In actuality, you often saw Johnny as your rival. He climbed the ladder in the field with ease, and it wasn’t hard to quickly blame his success on the fact that he was a guy in a male dominated industry, but the fact that there’s a possible interpretation for your hatred may be from these feelings you might’ve been harboring for him this entire time… that can’t be it… right?
“I mean, look at where you are now,” you begin, trying to defend yourself. It can’t be true that the reason you’ve been bitter about Johnny was because of the girls that got his attention, and one of them not being you. “You got a high position from—”
“—From hard work,” Johnny interjects with his brows furrowed. “I didn’t get to where I was because I slept around, if that’s what you’re insinuating. I knew you sort of always hated me, but I’ve always admired you. I like your work ethic, I like your style, even though we’re both on opposite spectrums, I like the way you think and I wanted to know what it was like being partners with you. Getting to be on that case with you showed me more than just who you were as a lawyer, but who you were as a person. I like you, but I’m trying to put my finger on why you hate me so much.”
“So you noticed.” Sucking in your cheeks, your eyes trail elsewhere—from the fork that lays beside your plate, to the glass filled halfway with wine, to the little candle that sits in between the two of you that flickers the way he has your heart when he expresses once more how he feels about you.
“Yeah, of course I noticed. If you like someone, it’s kind to miss details like that about them. So… you really hated me because you thought I slept my way to the top, huh?”
“I mean…” shoulders dropping in exasperation, you run your fingers through your disheveled hair. “All those rumors—”
“Again, they’re just rumors. I worked hard to get here, you know. And I’m kind of offended that you thought of me that way.”
You scoff. “They’re rumors, Johnny, it’s kind of hard to ignore all the office gossip when that’s all you hear. Plus, it wasn’t hard to believe either, with the whole flirtatious act whenever you encounter anyone who’s breathing and has a vagina.”
“I wasn’t flirting.”
“You need a book for dummies that elaborates on what’s flirting or not, because Johnny Suh, whatever it is you do with your body language in front of that chick who sits by the front door.”
“You mean Siwoo? The pregnant one who’s married to her highschool sweetheart? Also, how do you not know our receptionist’s name?”
You throw your arms into the air. “How am I supposed to know her name?”
He tilts his head to the side, genuinely baffled. “Do you… not talk to anyone outside of Hyeri?”
Your silence answers his question.
“I… honestly, I don’t know if I should be offended or if I should be honored. You think I didn’t earn anything that I have now, you think that everything I have was handed to me. On one hand, it’s flattering that you think my looks and my bedroom skills could do that but at the same time… I’m offended because you think I’m incapable.”
“I never said you were incapable—”
“But you implied it.”
Hands falling onto your lap, it’s your turn to gulp. His words come shooting at you, but you’re without a shield to protect yourself, and with the new experience of working with Johnny, there comes the realization at times that Johnny is a hard worker. There are some things that he says and does that aren’t like the people you’ve encountered, and being put on new cases with Hyeri only proved it. He’s thoughtful in the sense that whenever you’d bring up your stance on something, he challenges you with what the defense might counter.
Johnny makes you want to be better. Not just against him, but to brush off the dust on your skills and enter into the battlefield of a courtroom to showcase them.
“Well, if you’re staying silent, I just want to say that I tried,” the crinkle in between your brows makes another appearance because Johnny is great at leaving you stunned and confused. “I really like you. I love how your head works, and I wanna be with someone like that but I also can’t be with someone who doesn’t respect me.”
Why is it that when you’re in that conference room with him, you’re not afraid and never running out of things to say, but now you’re empty handed?
“I’ll pay for dinner. Grab you an Uber. I honestly thought I could overlook those things, and maybe your perspective for me has changed, but I could see it on your face. It’s the same.”
After that date with Johnny, his life turns back to normal.
Yours? Not so much.
Candidly speaking, part of you missed working with Johnny. You were wrong about him, so wrong, and even when you wanted to apologize at the dinner for what you thought of him, the pride in you was like a vicious plague that blackened your insides, preventing you from ever saying those words.
Oftentimes, you’d still be able to sneak a glimpse of him in his office with that same look on his face—full of concentration and nothing else in his mind other than the task at hand.
The cases you have with Hyeri entail a head like Johnny’s. Someone who could question you, to protest against your stance when there could be flaws in it. It feels like deja vu each time you think about it, each time you open a new case file and Hyeri sits there, perched in that seat beside yours, eyes sparkling with what you have in mind next, instead of what she has going on in hers.
Although you’ve tried convincing yourself that maybe, just maybe, what you feel for Johnny is purely professional but when you see him standing by the water cooler with a couple of your coworkers, eyes mimicking the moon crescents in the skies, replicating the ways his lips curl in elation—it was beginning hard to believe that it was all platonic feelings.
So maybe you should be bold for once. Pull off that exterior that displays you as someone who isn’t just independent and assiduous, but someone who’s stubborn and aggressive in getting what they want—and not in a good way.
This time, you’ll show it in a good way.
Or at least, you’ll try.
Johnny is a routine kind-of-guy—he grabs an iced americano every morning at the coffee shop downstairs at the edge of the street, he does his daily 11:00AM drop-by at the water cooler to refill his Hydroflask (which was his prized possession, by the way), and parked in the same exact spot in the parking garage of your building, despite there being an abundance of places he could choose.
That’s why you decide to stand by his car after work that day. Bouncing on the balls of your feet, hands shaking because it’s your turn to feel anxious. That blazer that once fit so comfortably in the morning suddenly feels tight and hot in the afternoon, and the weather hasn’t even changed. Your bag slung over your shoulder weighs ten times heavier than an hour ago, and you can’t stop your jaw from tightening.
Before your thoughts could spiral off all the possibilities of what the outcome may be when you tell Johnny how you feel, he’s already standing there, feet away from you with that dip in the fronts of his brows that you want to smoothen out the crinkles of with the pad of your thumb.
“Hi,” you greet, faint and peculiarly different from your other approaches. “Um, I just… was waiting for you.”
“Hey,” Johnny says back, the first few buttons of his shirt already unraveled, his blazer hung over his forearm and the sleeves are rolled up. “I see that. What’s up with you?”
“Um,” your leg was jittery, hard to control so you spat everything you had to say out as fast as you could before he could see right through you. “I just wanted to apologize. For everything. You’re admirable, kind, and I wish I inhabited those same characteristics you have. I think professionally, you’ve got great ideas, one that could be implemented into mine and what we did together for that case was just… yeah. We could do something big if we put our heads together.”
Johnny nods in agreement. The relationship between you two work-wise was obvious, he knew that much. “And what about… outside of that?”
“I like you,” you choked, barely getting the words out. “More than just coworkers, um, I guess, more than friends but I’m not really sure since you walked out on our first date,” inhaling in a deep breath of courage, you continue on, “and I don’t know how you feel now after I’m standing before you like this, asking for another chance and that I’m sorry.”
He stares at you blankly, and it leaves you unsure whether or not he accepts your apology. “You know why we ended that date early.”
“Well,” you start again, “can we… start over and try again? I promise I won’t tempt you to end the date early this time.”
And with that, there’s the signature smile that Johnny sports that swoons girls, makes their knees weak, and heart clench but this time… it’s just for you.
“I’d really like that.”
#ficscafe#nct fanfic#johnny x reader#johnny fanfic#johnny suh#johnny nct#nct 127#nct 127 fanfic#suh johnny#gyukultfics#idk what else to tag#hopefully this does well :|
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Omg requests are open AAAHHH
may i request an oblivious oc and tsundere yoongi who likes holding oc's hands and idk like maybe oc thinks it's bc his hands are cold and his friends make fun of him and oc only realizes yoongi likes her when they spill his secret
as a yoongi stan, this is my guilty pleasure and this absolutely KILLED ME ily for asking this 🤣and double update today???? who am I?????
hope you enjoy this v fluffy and v yoongi piece <3
pairing: tsundere!yoongi x oblivious&clumsy!oc
genre: FLUFFFFFFFFFFFFF
warnings: lots of squealing into ur pillow moments. taehyung, jimin & jin being the saviours tbh
words: 3, 136
Yoongi is staring at you like you spilt milk over his favourite pair of sneakers and you have no idea what to make of it.
“Uh …” You drag, blinking up at him with wide eyes when all he does is level you with a blank stare.
You can hear the distinct chatter of your friends in the background, likely already having their go skating around the rink. They always left you and Yoongi alone, for whatever reason it may be. But you weren’t complaining, you wanted to give him your gift in private!
But when Yoongi only stares at the mass of knit in your palms as you hold it out to him, you can only feel your ears flush an embarrassing shade of red at the subtle gesture of rejection.
Yoongi was by no means a malicious person, but he was very clear-cut. He was straightforward and it was definitely one of his qualities that you admired the most about him. His ability to mitigate any situation, or look at things objectively was something that you struggled with for the most part of your life. Which is why some people would mistake him for cold or uncaring, but you knew better.
“Do you … do you not like it?” You ask meekly, eyes darting everywhere but his as they continue to stare you down.
Yoongi doesn’t say a word. Instead, he grabs your hands with his larger palm where your gift lays and observes it, scrutinises it as if he’s there to pick apart any stray strand of yarn. His hand, despite his exterior, is soft and gentle when he holds you; and your brain short-circuits for a good five seconds when he traces a thumb over your knuckles.
“It’s cute.” He shrugs.
Your eyebrows furrow in confusion. Your eyes dart down to your hands and somehow you find them in a familiar position. His fingers intertwined with yours and his palm engulfing yours entirely.
“T-Then why don’t you—” You try to pull away, making an effort to dangle your hand-woven mittens in front of him in hopes of attracting his appeal towards it.
But he doesn’t even bat an eye, just sighs and squeezes your hand tighter.
“I’m holding your hand.” He says pointedly, shooting you a serious stare.
You stutter for a response, and despite the chill in the air you hope he can allude to the redness of your cheeks a result of the wind that blows past you and not the flustered state you find yourself in when he tugs your body closer to his.
You suppose you found a bad spot to give him the mittens because you nearly stumble into his chest at how wobbly you are on skates. You planned his gift for weeks, fully aware that your group of friends was intending on coming to ice-skate.
“I’m really bad at ice-skating. I’ll just slow you down.” You huff with a frown, still attempting to tug your hand away.
Yoongi rolls his eyes, “I literally don’t care.”
You gape at his bluntness and scowl when he only offers you a lazy smirk. His hand is still tightly wrapped around your own, and you sigh, knowing that it was hopeless to fight against Yoongi when he was far stronger than you were.
“I can skate with Tae or something, he and I are pretty much—“
“No.” Yoongi blinks.
You splutter, “E-Excuse—?”
He snatches the mittens from your other hand and shoves them into his pocket. The action is so quick that you can barely register the way Yoongi is tugging your forehead as you flounder on your feet, already feeling unstable at the way the ice is set on making you fall.
But Yoongi is there like he always is, and he rests a gentle palm on your waist and shoots you a rare and soft smile that makes your heart weak.
“I’ll teach you.” He says it like it’s obvious, “Just hold my hand.”
“Yoongi, I really don’t think—” You weakly protest when he pulls you closer until you’re nestled comfortably by his side, his face set forward as he blatantly ignores you.
“Stop being so stubborn and hold on tight.” He scolds, squeezing your hand when he feels your fingers loosen its grip.
You pout, your other hand patting your cheek in hopes of easing the burning of your cheeks.
.
Lest to say, you are horrid at ice-skating and you wished you stayed home.
Your two left feet was probably the least interesting thing about you, yet it was the one thing that left a lasting impression on the people you’ve met. Whether it be because you tripped up a flight of stairs as you rushed to your next lecture, or if you accidentally torpedoed into a bush while you were attempting to penny
“How are you even real?” He huffs, fingers intertwined tightly with your own. You’re grateful he has a lethal grip on you because you don’t think you’re ready to be doused in ice, even if it was at your own accord.
“I’m sorry!” You whine, hand still clasped with his.
Yoongi doesn’t let go, even if you’re stable on your feet. He never does. He only holds your hand tighter, grumbling something about your clumsiness as he uses his spare hand to adjust the strap of his bag over his shoulders. When he shoots you a look, you feel very much like a scolded child as you pout up at his narrowed eyes.
“What would you do if I wasn’t holding your hand, huh?” He laments, eyes rolling while he tugs you towards the direction of your friends who have somehow all gathered at the corner of the rink.
You stare at your feet, tittering to keep up with his long strides as he keeps the hold on your hand firm.
“Look, I don’t ask to be swept away—!” You retort petulantly, but Yoongi completely ignores you as he squeezes your hand in response, right as he stops in front of your friends.
You’re still sulking when Yoongi doesn’t let go, shooting you a look that has you pursing your lips shut.
“Lovely for the two of you to join us,” Jimin snorts.
Yoongi doesn’t say anything, but you miss the lethal glare he shoots at your mutual friend.
“I’m sorry that my skating skills can’t keep up with you,” You huff.
You see Jin’s eyes dart down to your intertwined hands, before looking up; a knowing smirk on his face that you can’t decipher.
“Seems like Yoongi has it all settled.” He snickers, nudging Jimin by the side.
You can feel Yoongi roll his eyes next to you, even if you pout at Jin’s words.
“At this rate, I think you’re basically joined by the hands,” Jimin says smugly.
You blink.
“She’ll fall,” Yoongi says blankly.
“Look, I said I’d skate with Tae but he’s so adamant!” You cry.
Yoongi shoots you a dry glare, before briefly releasing your hand. You splutter for a second, surprised at the sudden coldness that engulfs your grip and the emptiness that you feel when he no longer has his fingers intertwined with your own.
“What—?” You furrow your brows but Yoongi pats you on the hand to ease your confusion.
“I’m getting you hot chocolate. Your hands are freezing.” He murmurs, and to prove his point; he grabs your fingers and rubs soothing circles on your knuckles to provide you with any warmth he could.
If your hands weren’t warm, then your cheeks definitely were. You couldn’t hold eye contact with Yoongi because he was staring at you so intently that you may have been the one to melt into a puddle on the ice.
“But the mittens—!” You call, but he’s already skating away to the confectionary stand where they sell hot chocolate.
You sigh, dejected as you frown. Did he really hate the mittens that much?
“You are so stupid.” Jin gawks at you with a shake of his head.
You turn your head so fast that you nearly fall over, but Jimin’s grip on your wrist prevents you from doing so.
“And clumsy, God, no wonder hyung won’t let you go.” He scolds.
You frown, “Hey! What the hell is up with the slander?” You whine.
Taehyung stumbles into the conversation, quite literally almost smashing his body against the divider but he manages to balance himself by gripping the hell out of Jin’s shoulders.
“You deserve it,” He sticks his tongue out as you gape at him.
“What?! Why?” You hiss, “You literally just entered the conversation!”
Taehyung rolls his eyes, “And I’ve had to see you and hyung doddle around each other for ages so spare me the fucking brain cells because clearly, you need it more than I do.”
“What—?” You splutter.
“You are literally the densest person on this planet.” Jin blinks.
“What are you guys even talking about?” You cry.
Jimin shoots you a dry look, willing the God’s above to give you a semblance of rationality or logic to put two and two together.
“The hand-holding? The constant going out of his way to do things for you? The fact that you’re the only person he’ll ever smile at even if you do the dumbest shit ever?” Taehyung exasperates.
You blink.
“It’s winter and his fingers get really cold—!”
Jin groans, tugging at his hair in frustration.
“No, you idiot! Yoongi literally doesn’t get cold. He’s the human equivalent of a furnace! He literally doesn’t give a shit if he freezes to death. The only reason why he ever holds your hand is that he wants to!” He yells, grabbing you by the shoulder as he shakes your body while you stare up at him with wide eyes.
Does that mean—?
“He hates the mittens?” You cry, face crumbling.
You see Taehyung, Jimin and Jin’s face fall as they all share a look of disbelief.
“I’m sorry but I have no way to defend you.” Jimin blinks.
“I just wanted to do something nice for him! He’s always taking care of me and I thought knitting him a pair of mittens would help with the cold …” You mumble, eyes darting down to your feet as your voice trails off into a whisper.
“Okay, I know I promised hyung I wouldn’t say anything until she figured it out herself but I can’t take it anymore.” Taehyung seethes to the other boys.
Your eyes dart up, furrowing in confusion as Jimin and Jin’s eyes widen at Taehyung’s statement.
“Figured what—?”
“Dude, Yoongi is going to kill you,” Jin warns.
Taehyung scoffs, “Like I give a shit. I’m losing brain cells listening to her speak so this is an act of self-preservation. He’s going to thank me and so are you.”
“What are you—?” You huff.
“Yoongi likes you!” He exasperates, throwing his hands into his air.
The silence is overwhelming, as the four of you simply blink at each other. Your brain is processing his words, but it doesn’t really make sense. You’re confused as you attempt to deduce the meaning behind it until you come to a conclusion—
You look over at Jimin, “Are the two of you—?”
Jimin wants to scream.
“No, oh my God! Yoongi likes you! You!” He shakes you so hard that your head spins, “He likes you so much it’s disgusting and cute so you better do something about it and not accustom us to this torture anymore, okay?!”
Before you can say anything else, you feel a gentle hand on your shoulder. You blink up, and you see Yoongi offering you a cup of hot chocolate, eyeing the rest of the boys weirdly as they stand there with tightened expressions.
“Here you go,” He says softly, helping you blow onto the steaming cup before gently placing it into your hand.
It warms you up immediately, and you only then managed to piece together what Taehyung and Jimin just told you. The realisation dawns upon you as a scandalised expression makes its way onto your face. Yoongi raises an eyebrow, observing the odd behaviour of the four of you as the three boys ignore his pointed gaze.
“L-Let’s go take a seat,” You stutter, pushing on his chest with your free hand as you attempt to skate away from the wandering eyes. The pressure was too much.
“Hey, hold on, you’ll fall.” He gently chides, doing what comes as second nature to him as he grabs your other hand, giving you a squeeze of reassurance.
As the two of you skate away, you miss the sighs that leave the three boys’ lips.
“So, is there a reason why you tried to skate away like you were an Olympian?” Yoongi asks when the two of you managed to settle down in a small bench outside of the rink, tucked a decent distance away.
You look down at your palms, squeezing around the hot chocolate as you pay attention to the steam that escapes the surface.
The words from Jimin was essentially still haunting you, and you wondered if this was some sick joke of his to get back at you for mixing up his toothpaste with his shampoo a few months back. You sulk because this was a really mean joke and your feelings were about to get really hurt if he was lying to you.
“Hey,” Yoongi murmurs, hand reaching out to tilt your chin up to look at him. His stare is so intense that you find yourself cowering away, cheeks red and embarrassed. “Look at me.”
You can’t.
“I-I … there’s nothing wrong!” You squeak, eyes travelling and landing on different people that wasn’t Yoongi. Anyone that wouldn’t cause your insides to melt with just his gaze alone.
Yoongi purses his lips in disapproval, sighing before he sets his hot chocolate by the table next to the bench and turns to face you. You knew that you had no place to run, especially when Yoongi essentially traps you with his eyes, observing your every move.
“You’re shaking.” He points out.
And only then do you realise that you were shaking, and your hands were basically vibrating with the hot chocolate. You cursed at yourself, and the cold.
“I-I’m cold.” You chatter.
Yoongi frowns, reaching out his hand to immediately grab your own to warm them up. But when you spot his hands, you squeak, immediately retracting them as if he was about to bite them off.
You realise how it looks, and you notice the slight drop in Yoongi’s expression when you reacted the way you did.
“Are you—?” He begins to ask, slow and tentative.
“Not my hands!” You blurt out.
Yoongi pauses for a second before he relaxes his posture and raises a brow at you in questioning.
“Okay …?” He drags, “Where are you cold? Do you need my jacket?” He asks.
You curse at yourself because you didn’t know how to get yourself out of this situation. Especially now that Yoongi was patiently waiting for your response. Your thighs were essentially brushed up against each other, and his body was leaned over ever so slightly that you catch every strand of eyelashes on his eyes.
You were so weak.
“N-No, I … you can keep your jacket.” You stutter, shaking your head as you pat his puffer down when he goes to shrug it off.
Yoongi’s frown deepens, “Well, can you tell me where so I can help—?”
“My lips!” You declare, voice high pitched and loud enough that it attracts a few stares from bystanders.
Yoongi just stares at you, and you’re mortified when you realise what you said, but you can’t seem to stop now that you’ve already dug a hole for yourself.
“My … lips … they’re ... cold,” You clear your throat, blinking up at him with a false sense of determination in hopes of shielding the way your face is undoubtedly on fire right now.
“Your lips … are cold?” He articulates each world tentatively as he observes your face for any reaction.
You nod.
“Yeah. Cold.” You say.
Oh my God, shut up!
Before you can even run away, and it’s as if Yoongi expects you to flee, he pins your hands down with his own and draws closer to your face so quickly that you can barely even catch his next move.
And kisses you.
Smack on the lips.
He pulls away too fast for your liking, and you’re gaping at him like a fish out of the water when you realise what he did.
“You—” You croak, pointing a finger at him.
But Yoongi leans in once more, pressing a firmer kiss to your lips, one that sends your brain into overdrive as you feel yourself melt into his hold. If you were cold, you definitely weren’t anymore. Not when Yoongi is pressed against you like a warm lover by the fireplace.
He pulls away first, again, and you notice the tip of his ears turning red before he offers you that charming smile of his.
“Took you long enough,” He sighs, reaching out to cradle your jaw in his palm. And only then do you realise that Jimin was right, his hand is warm.
“W-What?”
He rolls his eyes fondly, ignoring the way you stare up at him with confused and wide eyes; likely still absorbing what just happened.
“Just hold my hand,” He tuts, reaching in between the both of you to intertwine your fingers together once more as he rests your combined hands on his lap.
“Does this mean …?” You ask shyly, head ducking away from his eyes.
He smiles at you, and you notice that it’s the same look he’s always had whenever he speaks to you.
He brings the back of your hand to his lips and presses a gentle peck to it, causing heat to rise to your cheeks all over again.
“You warm now, cutie?” He murmurs.
You melt, “Oh my God! Don’t—just—I’m literally going to die!” You whine, shoving your face into his puffer as you scream at his suaveness.
He chuckles, low and deep as he unlocks your hands to wrap an arm around your body, tugging you closer until you’re practically glued to his hip like a koala.
“Don’t die on me now,” He sighs, “Just got you to myself.”
“I hate you so much.” Your complaint is muffled into his puffer, but you can feel his grin on the top of your forehead when he presses a warm kiss to it.
“That’s disappointing. I like you very much,” He returns.
You blush, but you don’t push him away when he laughs into your hair, the sound making you melt further into his arms.
You liked him, too.
#YOOOONGI#so cute#help me#tsundere yoongi#oblivious oc#yoongi fluff#yoongi drabble#yoongi scenario#bts fanfic#suga imagine#bts x reader#bts imagine#bts fluff#yoongi
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fic recs 2.0!
hello kings (gn) ive got significantly more fic than last time which means this is gonna be a little more organized than the last post bc it is much longer <3 categories in order are non casefic canonverse, casefic/roadtrip fic, finale fixits, endverse, non supernatural aus, and then non destiel ones. titles will be in bold for my favs! also within each category they’re in order from shortest to longest
Canonverse
I’m a tulip in a cup by godtiering (1.2k)
I worry that I never really came back from hell. I wonder why, if I got remade by heaven, I’m still the same screwed up kid that I always was.
Sometimes I worry I’m not into women at all.
"Guess not,” he looks at his shoes.
a REALLY good fic that’s basically just a look inside dean’s head during my bloody valentine do not read this looking for a fun time but please do read it
on vessels by flightsofangels (1.9k)
“You know,” Cas mutters into Dean’s bare skin. “When I was still… an angel, I used to dream that I would take you as my vessel.”
hello consumehimnatural fans!!!!! read newt’s fic right now its incredible
dean winchester is not a nicholas sparks protagonist by microcomets (1.9k)
Dean fell in love with Cas the way you fall asleep--slowly, and then all at once. Or some other hackneyed and trite bullshit. God, this is embarrassing.
dean is in LOVE. he’s also a disaster who keeps staring at cas’ hands. sigh
Stay by aeli_kindara (2.5k)
Coda to 13.06 (Tombstone). In which Castiel reckons with the aftermath of Dean's grief.
hello fellow widow arc fans <3 click here to see cas find out abt the events of advanced thanatology !
walking on a string by swordfishtrombones (2.7k)
Between the doomed offensive at the Firmament and the impending retreat from the ravaged northeast border, Castiel left camp long enough to answer one of Dean Winchester's prayers.
S6 DEAN IS A WAR WIFE. been really into early seasons deancas lately and this one is very good. god
the flesh of the mighty by Mudprophet (2.7k)
Ezekiel 39:17 "you shall eat the flesh of the mighty and drink the blood of the princes of the earth."
MY GOD. anyone who saw the @autisticandroids purgatory cannibalism talk and was interested read this right now. also anyone who enjoyed nbc hannibal OR raw (2016). if romantic cannibalism is remotely aligned with your interests read this right now. god
Sam Winchester, Ally At Law by alittleduck (3.3k)
Sam was pretty sure he could read every single gay friendly guide to coming out or supporting queer family members ever written and literally none of them would even imply that arguing with gay people that they were actually just homophobic constituted as "ally behavior". However, Sam was equally sure that none of those book authors had found themselves accidentally watching their brother get pounded by an Angel of the Lord at 9 am on Tuesday, so Sam was pretty sure he might actually still have the higher ground. Now, if only Jack would stop trying to bond with Dean using gay slurs long enough for Sam to convince everyone of that, he might just be able to cobble together some remnant of sanity or, failing that, dignity.
Or, the one where Sam desperately wants to invent PFLAG but Dean won't stop teaching Jack gay slurs
JACK VOICE HEY COCKSUCKERS.
hummed low by microcomets (3.3k)
Dean pulls the Impala over at a cider barn about thirty miles out; doesn't really think about it, just sees the hokey orange lettering off the roadside and lets his hands guide the Impala off the interstate with gravel spitting under the wheels.
they get a nice day out together and dean has a gay crisis and it’s written beautifully mwah
Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit by pyrebi (3.9k)
In which angelic marriage bonds are apparently stupidly easy to trigger, Cas wages multidimensional war in Heaven, Dean can't catch a break like ever, Sam rather enjoys being a dick, love saves the day, and nobody consummates anything.
sometimes i think about this fic and it hits that at this point dean and cas would have been married for more than a year. cas my beloved...
an exploration of gender; angelic by sometimeswelose (4k)
Castiel's true form is made of electromagnetic radiation. He has spent the majority of his life, if you really want to add it all up and average the whole thing out, as a wavelength of celestial intent.
The thing about being made of light: it's light in the physics sense of the word. Castiel's waves are gamma, x-ray, micro, and radio. He's visible light too, of course, a visible light so intense that it is blinding to most humans.
hello trans cas community <3 he’s literally trans he was assigned genderless and then went hm actually i will be a man! love of my life
Some Boys are Sleeping Alone by prosopopeya (4.2k)
This isn't something that's okay, not for him, but it chases him through the years until it turns into something he can't -- doesn't want to deny.
ohhh deans tenuous relationship with his sexuality my beloved...
love. worship. consummation. consumption. by redeyedwrath (4.3k)
ConsumehimNatural (copyright marcusantonius) the Series!
These are all snapshots centered around the idea of you know. Hunger in Supernatural. Both carnal hunger and other kinds. Fics are shown in semi-chronological order but this series is generally nebulously early seasons.
for ANYONE who is a consumehimnaturual this is required reading it is INCREDIBLE and gorgeous and very visceral and i am so very obsessed with it. thank you redeyedwrath for enabling my brainrot
the reach of human sense by perilously (4.5k)
“You know what Jimmy Novak looked like. You think he was beautiful—gorgeous, hot, all of it. It’s him. Not me. This isn’t my face.”
“But,” Dean says. He doesn’t know where he’s going with it. Just that Cas’ face is right there, brows drawn together and cheekbones gleaming in the lamplight. It’s a face that’s made his heart skip probably a couple hundred beats collectively since they met.
And it used to belong to someone else.
this one is just very nice <3 cas gets uncomfortable w dean calling him attractive since dean has never seen his trueform and they work it out
Down in the River by Ias (4.7k)
Alone in Purgatory and hunted by Leviathans, Castiel finds himself praying to the one person who can't hear him.
cas i love you <3 cas alone in purgatory praying to dean bc dean is the only thing he still worships i love you so much
Creature of Habit by trinityofone (5.1k)
The more you love someone, the more you want to kill them. Or: How Cas developed some bad habits, and Dean coped surprisingly well.
written in s5 when cas was depowered and completely nails the later seasons bitchy husbands dynamic it’s very good and fun <3
sink by crackers4jenn (5.4k)
"Where to?" A 9.06 coda.
very bittersweet very well written and also canon compliant so do not go into this one looking for a happy ending but i DO recommend it it’s very good
Sensational by castiowl (6.1k)
“When I first came to earth, it was advised that we temper the senses bound to our vessels. They were a distraction, we were told. An antiquated form of experiencing existence that would hinder our ability to complete our missions, whatever that may be. My true form can better facilitate these experiences. What you would recognize as heightened senses of sight and sound, among other things.”
Or, how Dean helps Cas experience all five human senses for the first time in one night.
early seasons deancas man. i love the sound part i love dean being so worried about doing a good job with this. god. read this please
Something to Protect by Sass_Master (6.2k)
Dean’s violent reaction to being unexpectedly woken has become something of a running joke among them, but Castiel can’t help but look past it to the underlying cause. It makes him ache to think that Dean feels so unsafe, so persecuted, before he’s even fully conscious.
Secretly, Castiel has been determined to work on that, to ease Dean into awareness in a less jarring way, smooth away one of the many stresses that follow him even in sleep. Now’s as good a time as any to try.
oh to sleep more soundly in the presence of someone you love...this fic is very nice i enjoyed it a lot
all this and heaven too by ftmsteverogers (7k)
“Hey,” Dean said. “I’m not ashamed of you, okay?”
Cas raised skeptical eyes to meet his.
“I mean it,” Dean insisted.
“I understand you mean it,” Cas said. “But I don’t think it’s any better if you’re only ashamed of yourself.”
hello trans dean community here is 7k of trans dean having to deal with his internalized homophobia now that he’s sleeping with cas <3 it is SO good
The wilderness. by orange_crushed (8k)
He takes a shower and the pressure is not especially good, but it doesn’t matter. It’s warm and he stands under the spray a long time. Human skin, he knows, constantly renews itself, shedding the dead cells of the epidermis. He wonders how long it will take until he is an entirely new person, until every cell on his surface is a new one. He looks at his hands under the water. It might take less than a month.
this might be the only post 9x03 fic on here with a happy ending actually? plenty of good melancholy leading up to it though <3 canon divergent after 9x03 though which means no 9x06 fanfiction gap but it is absolutely worth reading
till the juice runs by deathbanjo (8.4k)
Apparently whoever drew up the venn diagram of Dean’s sex life decided the circle labelled ‘good sex’ and the one labelled ‘sex with men’ should be kept far apart.
hello this one is SO funny dean finally gets comfortable enough with his bisexuality to start having sex with men and it goes so very bad every time so sorry about your shitty choices beloved </3
First Date by aeli_kindara (8.9k)
“We should go on a date. You and me.”
Castiel wishes he could see Dean’s face. He wishes he had any idea what to say.
“I’m asking you out, Cas.”
this one is very sweet i liked it a lot <3 good refreshing little fic where they just get to have a nice evening together
Entertaining Strangers by cadignan (9k)
Dean settles on to his side, lying in the bed facing Castiel. “So you had sex without me and you bit all my moves. I think I deserve to hear about it, at least. What was her name?”
op im in love with you. premise is established relationship deancas and cas mentions he did have sex before dean and not only that it was a threesome. good for him <3 this fic is cas describing the story of what led up to the threesome and what happened during it while dean interrupts regularly. incredible
the shape you take by noviembre (10k)
“What?” Dean says, fake-offended. “I’d be hot as a girl, you know I would.”
And this is when he really, really should have stopped talking. When he shouldn't have whipped back around and asked, “Cas, if I was a woman, you’d fuck me, right?”
Because if he hadn’t said that, then he wouldn’t have had to deal with this:
Cas, meeting his eyes, forehead wrinkles all smoothed out like there’s nothing to be confused about anymore. Cas with something at the corner of his mouth that might barely be called a smile.
Cas saying, calmly and without hesitation, “Yes, Dean.”
--
Dean Winchester fucks around and, with the inadvertent help of some witches, Finds Out.
dean winchester your gender is diabolical. this fic is insane and its the only thing that matters actually. dean fully convinced its normal and straight to think about being a woman so you can fuck your male friend. incredible. op im proposing to you
Sinnerman by a_good_soldier (10k)
Dean listens to Nina Simone, reads Anne Carson, and makes out with a dude (sort of).
yall want to read about dean realizing he’s in love with a man as a direct result of learning to better respect women right?
you’re fooling yourself by cowboydeanwinchester (13k)
Dean Winchester and Castiel retire from hunting to raise baby Jack. Dean struggles to allow himself the things he truly wants.
Jack is two, Castiel and Dean are idiots, and Sam's gotta solve everyone's problems.
love a married couple who doesn’t know they’re married <3 everyone say thank you sam for bullying dean
The Girlfriend Experience by rageprufrock (15k)
While it's not like Dean hasn't had a couple of truly regrettable hit-and-runs in his sexual history, this is probably the saddest fucking thing that has ever happened to him.
a classic for good fucking reason. we’ve all talked about dean thinking holding hands is too gay after having just had gay sex but my personal favorite was sam accusing dean of cheating on cas because dean bought condoms. incredible
No Kingdom To Come by domesticadventures (16k)
“We should fuck,” Dean says.
Cas looks up from where he sits on his bed, hair still damp from the shower, frowning as he places a finger on the page of his book to mark where he left off.
There are a million things Cas could say here; Dean has rehearsed them. After lunch, his restlessness had given way to a vague panic, a dread that matched his every step and crept along with him from room to room. Eventually, he had returned to his bedroom and spent the rest of the afternoon pacing back and forth, playing out all the possible scenarios. When Cas asks him Why? or Are you being serious? or when he sighs and says, in that way he has, Dean, he knows exactly what he’s going to do. He’s going to shrug casually, like he isn’t invested in the answer, like he isn’t desperate for an outlet, and say, Why not? He’s going to raise an eyebrow and say, What, are you not interested? He’s going to crowd into Cas’ personal space, he’s going to shove himself right up in there and whisper Cas against his ear.
Instead, Cas says, carefully, “Okay.”
literally the only quarantine fic i’ve ever bothered to read in any fandom and completely worth it it’s SO good. they become fwb and dean has an existential crisis and he keeps bringing up meaninglessness and death during sex
Bodies by Speary (18k)
It was a secret they never acknowledged even with each other. It would change everything, end everything if either of them ever dropped the act. So they became very good at acting, at keeping up the lie that gave them what they wanted. Even if that lie involved constantly seeking out temporary, consenting female vessels, Cas would do it. He told himself it was worth it for Dean. He just hoped that he could stop wanting more, or maybe one day Dean might stop pretending that he wasn't really sleeping with Cas every time.
i don’t even have anything to add tbh if that summary did not immediately make you click we are very different this fic is incredible. god. fellas do you ever make yourself a woman so you can fuck the man you love without him having to talk about it or confront his sexuality
it’s such a mystery (the way you know me) by fleeceframe (20k)
So the man crouching in front of Castiel is named Dean. He wonders if that’s supposed to mean something to him.
“Cas must’ve got hit with something earlier. He just dropped like a sack of fucking potatoes a minute ago. By the time I was checking on him, he had already woken up again, but now he doesn’t fucking know who we are.”
“I’m right here you know,” Castiel says testily.
Sam’s eyes are wide even as his eyebrows are furrowed, and he looks between Dean and Castiel again.
“What do you remember, Cas?”
“Firstly, that I’m not Cas. I don’t know who Cas is, but it’s not me. I don’t know who either of you are, either."
or the one where castiel is hit with a memory curse that makes him forget the winchester brothers and is stunned to find out he has a family... also why can't he stop thinking about dean?
BEST amnesia fic oh my god. cas my beloved you deserve the world. everyone read this that is not a request.
More Than Ever by Sass_Master (20k)
Dean’s getting some pancakes together for breakfast when Cas saunters in after a run.
He’s trying to focus on whisking batter, unfairly distracted by Cas a few feet away, breathing heavily and shining with perspiration. Dean’s been painfully aware for a long time that Cas is pretty easy on the eyes, but he’s used to seeing Cas buttoned-up and unflappable, looking straight-laced in a stiff oxford and an unflattering trenchcoat.
Now Cas is sweating, Dean’s borrowed t-shirt clinging to his skin, flushed from exertion and Dean really can’t deal with that in his kitchen right now.
this entire series is really good i enjoyed it a lot, i’m just putting this one specifically on the list bc the rest of the series is very explicit and this is really good as a standalone for anyone who wouldn’t be into the rest of the series!!
Being Dean Winchester by Anonymous (20k)
"You should show me some respect. I dragged you out of hell. I can throw you back in."
Who the fuck was this bitchy "warrior of God" doing talking to him like that? Fuck Cas-tee-el and his dumbass trench coat and abrasive motherfucking attitude.
Dean was done with this shit.
***
Wherein a monster of the week steals the essence of Castiel's vessel, so he must use Dean, recently raised from hell, as a vessel instead.
it is at this point i realize that there are more fics than i expected there to be on this list that involves a threesome with only two people/using the presence of a female body to act like what’s happening is heterosexual. deangirlism is a disease
I Shall Not Want by domesticadventures (20k)
His grace is burning out, and the wasteland it leaves inside him becomes an echo chamber for all the memories, all the fear and doubt and self-loathing he's collected over the years. Things said and done hound him on endless repeat until he's convinced they’ll break through his skin and fill the silence of the bunker.
His head is killing him, and he sits hunched over an open book, not really reading, just digging his fingers into his skull and praying nothing slips through the cracks.
this one is GORGEOUS i love it so so much. dean and cas are both struggling so much to get by and they’re trying to support each other but fucking it up and they have to grow together and learn to cope with the fact that this is where their lives are and they fall in love i need everyone to read this
To Boldly Go by 8daysuntiltheapocalypseiguess (24k)
Title: Just One of Those Things
Author: Impala67
Series: TOS
Rating: M
Summary: Four years into their five-year mission, and all the planets start to look the same.
In which Dean is not Gene Roddenberry, but he does write Star Trek fanfiction.
mx winchester writing star trek fanfiction to process his own trauma <3 this is a wip but it’s SO good and i also have not consumed a single piece of star trek media so it IS definitely readable to anyone who isn’t a star trek fan. please read this
where the weeds take root by deathbanjo (30k)
“Are you happy? Y’know. Just—being here,” Dean says, gesturing to the yard with his beer bottle. “Being with—I mean, you used to fight in celestial wars and—and save the world. Now you’re growing vegetables and talking about chickens.”
this is on here just for the 1.5 people who were putting off this one like i did for no reason. it’s extremely good and it is just gentle. i enjoyed it a lot
Heroes for Ghosts by pantheon_of_discord (42k)
After Sam and Dean are arrested, Castiel is left alone and scrambling to find them. He knows they’re locked away in a government facility, and he’s still able to hear their prayers, but no matter how he tries Castiel can’t seem to track them. He chases leads and even attempts to hunt on his own, but Mary is AWOL, Crowley refuses to help, and Castiel’s options are running out.
Weeks pass, Castiel’s hope dwindles, and through it all Dean prays, keeping them connected. His voice is comforting, frustrating, and occasionally annoying, but in his solitude Castiel comes to cherish it. But then one day, without warning, Dean stops praying, and Castiel is forced to confront some uncomfortable truths about his feelings.
yall ever wonder what it would’ve been like if the sam and dean arrest storyline in s12 was interesting? yeah <3
Teaching Poetry to Fish by aeli_kindara (52k)
In which Castiel teaches poetry to fish. Also, himself. Also, eventually, Dean.
(A series-long story, diverging slightly from canon after S14.)
cas learning about humanity through poetry before dean and thats what led to him developing enough emotion to be lobotomized....cas i love you so much
Emergence by ellispark (58k)
Something’s been missing from Dean’s life for the past three years, a void left after a hunt gone terribly wrong. He often feels a sense of longing with no discernible cause, a need to talk to someone who isn’t there.
A call from an acquaintance leads Dean to James Novak, a man who disappeared more than a decade ago, and suddenly Dean gets the feeling he’s found what he’s been missing. But James isn’t really James — he’s the angel Castiel, who’s wanted by angels, demons and hunters alike. And he may be at the center of the storm that wrecked Dean’s life all those years ago.
another cool amnesia fic!! for unknown reasons everyone forgot cas three years ago but cas didn’t forget anything. cas deserves so much love and support. god
a turn of the earth by microcomets (95k)
Dean’s your typical half-orphaned, monster-killing 22-year-old until a trenchcoated stranger crashes into his back windshield one September night, claiming he’s an angel that knows him from the future and that he’s on the run.
Frigging fantastic.
(Or, in which Castiel gets stuck in Dean’s timeline preseries and Dean kind of hates it—until he doesn’t.)
cas getting to meet and fall in love with pre hell dean just as much as he loves the dean he already knows oh my GOD. i love this fic so much. turn of the earth my beloved
Crossing Lines by sometimeswelose (122k)
Two Deans, one Cas - it's not as sexy as it sounds
Or
An ethics lesson from Hell
Or
The one where Dean from the past meets Dean in the present. They're not sure they like each other very much.
deans intense self hatred vs cas’ unwavering love for every version of dean oh my GOD also this is a wip fair warning but it’s so worth waiting for updates i’m having such a great time with this one i cannot wait to see how it gets ended
Plot Holes by saltyfeathers (160k)
Of course it wasn’t over after the apocalypse.
There was season six. Then there was season seven. Against all expectations, there was season eight. There were the alphas and purgatory, and then the Leviathans, and then the angels fell. Enter season nine. Loose threads Metatron, Abaddon, and Crowley have to be tied up. Sam, Dean, and Cas have to try to tie them while at the same time dealing with their evolving relationships and newfound graceless states.
Amidst all the chaos, someone has started publishing the Supernatural novels again. Convinced there’s something amiss in the pages, Charlie starts her own quest to suss out the truth behind the Winchester Gospels.
With the help of various faces, old and new, they must now not only deal with the typical runs of demons and recently fallen angels, but also reconcile the battles raging inside themselves, as the fate of the world, once again, quite literally lays in the palm of their hands.
saltyfeathers said i WILL make the plot holes in this show mean something because the showrunners are sure as shit never gonna adress them ! and i thank them for it bc this was a really cool read
Casefic/Roadtrip Fic
Deprived Of Every Planet by KelpietheThundergod (9k)
Dean's breathing is audible in the scant space between them, irregular. The motel room is dark, pale blue shadows falling in through the gaps in the blinds. Throwing a pattern of uneven white stripes over the bunched up covers. Over Dean's fingers twisted in the sheets. One half of him in shadow, softened by the dark. The heat of his skin. The tremble of him under Castiel's touch.
He caresses a hand over Dean's chest, slowly. Dean's mouth falls open, his body arching into Castiel's touch. Castiel stops over Dean's heart. Through the fever of his desire, he rejoices about the wonder of experiencing another's heartbeat through one's own senses.
Dean gasps, but then he turns his face away and towards the dark. Eyes closed tight and brows furrowed like something is hurting him.
Castiel stills.
“Dean?”
the case is background on this one but it Does take place over the course of a case so im putting it here. god touchstarved dean trying so hard to work through his shit for cas head in my hands i love this fic so much
before and after breakfast by spocklee (10k)
The monster of the week is a ghost who hates meat, alcohol, and feeling yourself. Guess who it is during the commercials.
chapter 2 of this one.....god. dean and cas you are both so unwell <3 i love everything abt this fic everyone read it now
we shovel all the ashes out by xylodemon (15k)
Dean’s always known things were headed this way. He just figured getting dragged under would be cleaner and easier than jumping in feet-first.
fics that make you go Oh they love each other...also there’s lesbians in it literally what else could you want.
thunder road by dothraki_shieldmaiden (20k)
After Chuck is defeated and the Winchesters settle into life without God, Dean Winchester is bored.
OR: Dean and Cas take a road trip and figure out some stuff along the way.
this fic is just like. it’s kind! this fic is kind it’s just a pleasant experience and i enjoyed it thoroughly. they’re in love and it’s good
Suck It, Judy Garland by GlitterDwarf, midrashic (20k)
It had to be St. Louis. Or, the one where Sam and Cas get fake married for a case, and Dean loses his mind.
actually im gonna defend dean here imagine youre dean and cas gives what definitely sounded like a deathbed love confession while making eye contact with you and then immediately afterwards fake dates your brother. who among us would not have been a bitch about this
best friends without benefits by lizbobjones (20k)
It’s nearing three a.m. and they’ve been on the road a long time. Sam’s been asleep in the back seat since eleven. Giving up and handing the wheel over to Cas and letting the guy who doesn’t sleep drive had seemed like a good idea.
the premise of this fic is so funny. cas voice dean you want to fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid. everyone read this
the taste of gravel in the mouth by deathbanjo (22k)
This is what Cas gave up Heaven for: greasy diner food, shitty motel rooms with even shittier cable, long car rides spent in complete silence except for the same six tapes playing over and over again, and a burnt-out husk of a man who can barely hold a conversation anymore.
alt version of getting rid of the mark of cain, the darkness never happens. this one is VERY heavy but it’s so good and it has a hopeful ending. ive read this one twice and loved it both times
Someone Who’s Feeling For Me by ellispark (45k)
Dean sees her for the first time in nearly six years in some no-name town in Idaho, and it's panic at first sight.
Lisa Braeden, the one woman Dean ever actually had a shot at a real life with, back from where he buried her in his mind. And her hand is on Cas's arm like it's no big deal, like it belongs there. Cas, Dean's dorky, sweet, badass, angelic best friend, and he's just standing there next to Lisa and not moving her hand away.
Dean feels the jealousy rising, and it's not directed where he expected it to be. Because it takes this exact moment for Dean to realize he's in love with his best friend. He's in love with his best friend, and Lisa is looking at Cas like he's the best thing since automatic rifles, and Dean is utterly fucked.
hello op please contact me. please contact me and let me see the inside of your brain. this fic was an unparalleled experience and everyone should also go through it. i love it so very much
Bumper Cars by mansikka (111k)
Two teenagers are missing from an abandoned carnival, and there’s enough to raise suspicion that their disappearance involves a ghost. Dean, Sam, and Cas arrive in town to investigate, though what they find leads them away from those teenagers, and on the trail of a ghost story that churns up things from their past.
Can newly-human Cas, and Dean, with the help of shipper!Sam, work out the mystery behind the abandoned carnival and its ghost, and along the way, figure out the riddle that is them?
one of my absolute fav case fics it forces dean to confront some aspects of johns parenting and work through some shit and also him and cas fall in love and it’s really well done. love this one a lot <3
Finale Fix-its/Finale Denial
Sorry Jimmy by K_K_TiBal (2.1k)
Based on the tumblr textpost:
jellydeans:
so are cas and jimmy novak just up in heaven existing at the same time
katebushstandean:
#jimmy moves to heaven timbuku so that dean stops trying to make out with him every time they run into each other at the heaven grocery store
this one is just extremely funny. local midwestern heterosexual man is forced to play relationship counselor to the dumbest gay people in existence because one of them wore his face
Dean Winchester Really Needs To Make Some Gay Friends by AreYouReady (2.2k)
“Like, I’m trying to think if I’ve had, I don’t know, crushes. If I ever had a gay thing before you came along and just didn’t notice,” Dean said.
Cas suddenly looked down, and away from Dean. If Dean didn’t know better, he would swear Cas looked guilty.
“What is it, Cas?”
“You have had several… gay things before.” Cas still wouldn’t look at him.
“What? When? How come you know this better than I do?”
There was no way the answer to this question wasn’t funny as hell.
dean learning about gay ppl via the memories of dean smith...incredible.
tiny difference (between ending and starting to begin) by sunforgrace (2.4k)
Sometimes Dean catches Cas staring at the sky.
It doesn’t happen often. Not when Dean’s around to tell, anyway. But often enough that he starts to notice.
Eventually Dean starts to recognize the pattern.
Cas just doesn’t watch the sky. He watches the birds.
Chuck is gone, Cas is human, and the world is safe. In the quiet aftermath Dean and Castiel find each other again.
i really don’t have much to say abt this one it is just very good and they love each other so much
Bring Home by cenotaphy (3.8k)
Dean's phone doesn't ring on the drive back to the Bunker, but that's okay. Because—well, maybe Cas lost his cell, what with getting shuffled back and forth between a cosmic void dimension and all. And anyway, Dean doesn't want this conversation to happen over the phone, he wants to—he wants to talk to Cas face-to-face. They should talk face-to-face.
Dean will tell him—
Dean doesn't know what he'll tell Cas. Dean is, in fact, terrified by how utterly and completely he does not know what he'll say to Cas.
cas being forced to face the consequences of sending the risky text that was despair <3
dean’s coworkers vs the heteronormative agenda by cowboydeanwinchester (4.1k)
Dean started working at a local auto repair shop in Lebanon, Kansas about a year ago. His coworkers don't know much about him. Except that he has a wife. Or maybe he doesn't. But he has a kid. Who is either a toddler or a high schooler. Who is either named Jack or Sammy. He also might have a best friend named Cas, but that also might be his wife.
Truth is nobody knows what to make of Dean.
obsessed w people not knowing a single fucking thing about dean because he talks so much and never explains anything. this fic is SO funny
Enhanced Extraction Techniques by goldenraeofsun (5.8k)
The Empty takes Meg’s shape, Samandriel’s, Duma’s, every one of the thousands of angels Cas killed up in heaven. But in the middle of lecturing Cas in the form of Balthazar, it explodes in a burst of light and sound.
Dean Winchester stands in the aftermath.
the empty playing mind games on an awake cas bc it can’t put him to sleep is a thing i like a lot and this is very very good
Speak Silence No More by rea_sunshine (8.1k)
When Dean imagined this moment, it went like this:
Dean bursts into the Empty—guns blazing, chin high, righteous anger coursing through him. No matter what form his plans and fantasies and whiskey-drunk-whispered-promises took, he is always, always successful. When he imagined it, he was finally the hero Cas deserved.
The reality of the moment is this:
It’s fucking cold.
dean and cas STILL managing to not communicate with each other properly after the confession is so funny to me and this fic does it really well. also i like that a human being in the empty, where humans do NOT belong, had some like. consequences
my heart is a compass by lagaudiere (10k)
“There you are,” the Empty says, in Dean’s voice. It’s cold, like Dean’s eyes are cold, his expression set in contempt. It’s the expression Cas feared, he realizes, all the times he thought about saying it. Revulsion. It makes him feel sick in the way that goes beyond physical, here where there is nothing physical left.
The moment before it happened had been so sweet it covered up all the hurt. For years, Cas had been holding back those words, biting down on his tongue to keep from saying them. And now he had said it, and he knew that it was good, knew that it was worth it. But on the other side there is only this.
--
In the Empty, Cas dreams of his regrets, until someone comes looking for him.
one of thee best dean rescues cas from the empty fics out there i love the way his memories are written i love how many of them were ones that this fic came up with to give me new things to have brainworms over instead of just making me more fixated on He Watched Him Rake Leaves than i already am
killing time by orestespdf (11k)
It's been four years since Dean saved Cas from the Empty and confessed his feelings in return, and in their Vermont lakehouse, the retired couple is now learning how to heal. One morning, Dean gives Cas a haircut.
(A character study of Castiel.)
perfect fic perfect fic no notes no complaints they love each other so much and now dean is giving cas a haircut and they’re spending the day together. god.
and every time we kiss, i swear i can fly by knameless (14k)
Every time, Dean tells himself it’s the last.
--
aka, twelve times dean and cas kiss.
a just boy best friends kiss for every season <3 mwah
for which no words exist by MediaWhore (14k)
'a prayer for which no words exist' // richard siken
"Dear Cas who art in my bathtub, give me the strength to be honest about how I feel. For your sake and for mine. Forgive me all the times I wasn’t in the past, all the words I should have said but didn’t. And please stay. Please stay with me when all is said and done. Amen. "
Dean rescues a newly human Cas from the Empty. That's the easy step.
mediawhore i am in LOVE with you oh my god this fic. this fic. dean taking care of cas after rescuing him dean wrapping cas in a blanket oh my GOD
swimming with the fish pond fish by februyuri (17k)
Some time between Dean bleeding out on a makeshift hook in a barn in Ohio and Sam making marshmallows on his funeral pyre, Dean was brought back to life. By Castiel. Again. Dean agreed to it if only to give Jack time to work out the glitches up top. So, now Dean’s back in the land of the living and things are ... actually good, for once.
Or, as good as they can be when demons are attacking Earth, Dean’s failing to get over why he died in the first place, and Cas is suddenly, inexplicably taking every opportunity to casually tell Dean that he loves him.
this is a wip! but it is so good and so worth the read i love it a lot and am very excited for the last chapter. it IS pretty heavy though dean has a LOT to work through
looking like a true survivor (feeling like a little kid) by courfeyrac (20k)
"Jack’s a clever kid—has been ever since he was born, maybe even before that—but Dean’s pretty sure he hasn’t figured out where they’re going yet. And Dean’s… Dean’s excited about it. He remembers planning surprises for Sammy when they were little—saving up quarters and sneaking off to the arcade the year he turned seven, or slipping a book Dean had seen Sammy admiring into his jacket before sprinting out of the store the year he turned twelve. There was only so much Dean could give him back then, hindered by lack of finances and transportation and a father who paid attention. Now, though, Dean’s got a wallet full of cash, a tank full of gas, and the freedom to give his kid the kind of birthday he deserves."
Or, it's Jack's fourth birthday, and the kid wants to go to Build-A-Bear.
EVERYONE READ THIS RIGHT NOW. that is not a request this fic undid me. oh my god. oh my god. they’re a family and they’re going to build a bear and they love each other. oh my god. also no it isn’t a baby jack fic he is 4 and he is also alcal
what’s missing is found (our souls can exhale now) by sobsicles (27k)
It's not the first time Claire has ever gone missing. It is, however, the first time Kaia panics about it. Dean's dragged into the mess, but he soon finds that it's the best thing that could have happened to him.
~~~
"But have you ever just met someone and maybe it wasn't from the first moment, maybe it was after all these other moments that meant more than you ever expected them to, and it seems like your soul just—just—" Kaia makes a helpless gesture with her hands, pushing out, and she breathes out loudly. "Like it can finally exhale. And that person isn't guaranteed to make you happy, but they're—they're important. You just know it, you can't even escape it, you can't let them go. Ever met someone like that, Dean?"
"I—" Dean halts, his mouth hanging open. He's looking at Kaia, who's looking at him, and his heart is fluttering in his throat like a caged bird aching to soar again. His mind threatens to spiral out of control, but he focuses, swallowing hard. "Yeah. Um. I—yeah, I have."
deancas AND dreamhunter we love to see it also dean DOES smoke weed with kaia and apologizes for pulling a gun on her what more could you want in a fic
Command Me To Be Well by prospopeya (28k)
Dean did a lot of thinking about when and how he would get Cas back. Months of it, actually, stretching into a year, because while Sam and Eileen were settling into their new lives, Dean was stuck. He was stuck in a faraway corner of the bunker, dark and empty and hollow, ringing with the sound of a vibrating phone.
So when he falls to his knees in that same room, exhausted, hurting, breathless, and he feels a hand on his shoulder and looks up to see Cas, he realizes that he doesn't have a single clue about what to do now. Getting Cas out had been easy--actually, it'd been the opposite of that--but the planning of it, the methodical desperation of one attempt after the other had been a familiar rhythm. It'd been soothing almost, solid, something to focus on that wasn't Cas's eyes, watery and jubilant in a way Dean hadn't ever seen that up close on anyone, let alone Cas.
And now Cas is pulling him to his feet, and Dean's stumbling, and he instinctually grabs Cas's arm, and his hand lights up with a fire that he isn't prepared for.
"Hello, Dean."
oh post despair lack of communication....oh dean refusing to work through his feelings...this fic is incredible i love it everyone who enjoys dean doing everything in his power to avoid talking about feelings up to and including having sex with the guy who’s in love with him multiple times should read this
break the skin (to break the barriers) by sobsicles (29k)
The first time she meets him, he's nothing more than an almost-missed appointment.
SOBSICLES TATTOO FIC MY BELOVED. dean grieving and getting tattoos and it turns into tattoo therapy. im SO in love with mitzi it’s insane. requires some suspension of disbelief for how long a tattoo takes but it’s an incredible fic and an unparalleled experience. sobsicles does not miss
ascend by quiettewandering (53k)
Something in the world is wrong.
Demon activity is rising where mysterious black substance oozes and unusual ecological events are shaking the world. Dean, grief hanging on his shoulders, restlessly searches for answers that might lead him to the Empty… and to Cas.
But what Chuck wrote can’t be undone. The narrative thread pulls Dean along, forcing him to comply. Because once a story already has an ending, it can’t be rewritten.
Or can it?
SUPER cool concept i liked this a lot i’m pretty sure everyone’s read it already but just in case someone hasn’t you absolutely should
oh sooner or later it all comes down to faith by sobsicles (62k)
Getting used to Heaven is something of a marvel. It ain't perfect, and Dean thinks he'd hate it if it was, which is probably why it isn't.
~~~
"You don't understand," Dean whispers, exhaling shakily. "I know you don't, because even I don't. The instant you were gone, I wanted you back. Cas, I wanted you back. I wanted—I wanted—"
Cas stares at him, searching his face. After a moment, his own face falls slack, eyes widening just so. "Oh," he breathes out.
Dean wants to be furious that Cas has figured it out before he has—whatever it is—but he's not even that surprised. Cas knows him too well, always has, even more than Dean knows himself. He's been kicking Dean in the goddamn teeth with how deeply he understands him, even about the things Dean doesn't, ever since they first met. You don't think you deserve to be saved, that's what Cas had said. All bundled up in impossibilities and power, this being that looked at Dean Winchester and knew every single inch of him, as if he had a right to each part.
"What?" Dean grits out.
"I love you, too."
the ONLY heaven fic. i do not read heaven fics bc i refuse to budge in my finale denialism i refuse to read fic where it is accepted that dean dies. i was hesitant to read this but god im glad i did it was so good. literally the best possible outcome of dean dying
Endverse
final fantasy. by orange_crushed (1.9k)
“If I’d actually been born human, would I have gotten sick like everyone else? Would I be running around gnawing on the neighbors?” Castiel tilts his head up and even from here Dean can see the black ring of his pupils, wide and dark as dead stars. He’s high as fuck and he’s been loading the guns for forty-five minutes. He stares into the space where Dean is. He smiles and shows his teeth. “Maybe you’d have already put a bullet in my head.”
"This is why you don’t lead storytime anymore," Dean says. "This kind of shit."
endverse last night on earth fics are something that can be so personal actually. god
The Last Song by Moorishflower (3.5k)
The very last song is the Song of Solomon, and Castiel sings it only for Dean. Set in "The End."
this is like. pre endverse and the tone is so like. wistful? is the best word ive got? it’s gorgeous i love it but fair warning there is graphic description of like. viscera and infected wounds
to think that we could stay the same by cipherwriter (6.5k)
cas has all he needs; himself, his creation, and enough power to continue this cycle for a long time. he's fine. dean wants to take care of him anyway.
oh my GOD this one is good it’s based off the thing of how originally endverse cas was supposed to be just sitting in a room killing and resurrecting the same cockroach over and over. very bittersweet at some points i love it a lot, do not read it if youre looking for something happy though lmao
the first church at the end of the world by withbloodstainedclothingon (11k)
The angels don’t eat the brain. Only Croats do that.
this one is fucked but it’s incredible it contains very heavy and violent subject matter and cas is an Actual cult leader he doesn’t just have orgies it is SO well done and i had a great time reading it i recommend it very highly if the warnings sound like something you can stomach
Down to Agincourt by seperis (1.1 million. i know. yes it’s a wip)
There is no such thing as a guarantee when it comes to war.
The outcome's known. Why try?
Return your rusty sword to battered sheath,
bow your head and bend your stubborn knee. Why
take the field when you cannot win the war?
But Harry -- he went down to Agincourt.
PLEASE. i know the length is intimidating i KNOW it’s a very long fic but please. please read down to agincourt i am begging you. head in my HANDS this series is incredible.
Non Supernatural AUS
Long-Term Relationship by bendingsignpost (2.7k)
Castiel says, budging over to make room for Dean on the couch, “I thought we should have a serious talk about our relationship.”
Reflexively, Dean laughs.
Castiel does not.
“Uh, Cas... you know we’re not dating, right?”
look man it’s bendingsignpost okay. it’s bendingsignpost it’s good and it’s sweet and you should read it
One White Lie by komodobits (11k)
Castiel takes a deep breath and rings the doorbell. He doesn’t need to run through what he’s going to say – he’s already planned and edited and rehearsed it a thousand times. He is going to ask Dean Winchester out to dinner. If it’s not too forward, he’ll say, perfectly charming. You see, I’ve seen you around the neighbourhood and you always seem so earnest and I’d really like to get to know you bette— The door swings open, and Castiel panics.
He intends to excuse himself. He means to apologise and come back some other time. However, in a moment of blind fear, what comes out of his mouth instead are the words, “Could you spare a moment for Jesus Christ?”
do you ever pretend to be a jehovahs witness for months to hang out with the guy you like because you fucked up asking him out? yeah.
separate ways and sleeping dogs by sobsicles (53k)
Dean is three years sober when Cas comes back into town.
~~~
For a moment, they just stare at each other. Dean, once again, has to swallow the urge to offer to swallow something else. It's very hard to resist the gut-wrenching pull of want that hooks in his chest whenever he looks at Cas. And to think, he used to have him, used to be able to act on that want.
God, he's so fucking stupid.
Well, there's no point in kicking himself three years later for shit he can't change. He'll just sit right here and pretend that his fingers aren't twitching with the urge to reach out and touch. He can't do that anymore, and it's his own damn fault.
"Three years ago," Cas prompts.
Dean huffs a weak laugh. "Yeah. Eventful."
this fic hit me SO hard emotionally oh my god. don’t have much to say bc most of my thoughts on this fic are very personal but my god read this please
Everyone’s a Critic by Englandwouldfall (109k)
The one where uninspired chef Dean Winchester has a one night stand with the male (!) food critic who described the flavour of his garlic bread as 'closeted' and accidentally ends up dating him to try and prove that he's a kick ass chef, thank you very much.
(He may have a point about the 'closeted' thing).
this one is SO fun. dating the food critic who called your garlic bread closeted and lying about your career because you’re embarrassed and you want to redeem your food in his eyes but then you fall in love with him
Non Destiel Centric
gender? you mean that thing i have that pisses people off? by bigender dean winchester (homosexualitie) (946 words)
sam and dean paint each other's nails and dean abuses the technicalities of her gender. what more could you want?
HELLO HE/SHE DEAN COMMUNITY oh my god the pure rush of euphoria reading this. oh my god. oh my god.
the quiet road to a distant city by rottingbrains (1.2k)
Sam stares out the windshield again. They’re approaching a city, and she can see the lights in the distance. She’s past the danger zone, and she feels like the world around her reflects that in some way she can’t put into words- as if God is telling her that it’s okay. She did the right thing, and soon she will be past the lonely unknown and into the warm, forgiving light of acceptance. Or something. Come to think of it, the lights only look warm from far away, and she knows that the actual city will seem far less welcoming. Still. Best not to imagine the worst when it’s already going well.
required reading for transfem lesbian sam fans. fics that live in your ribcage to make your heart feel good
Four People Ruby Seduced & One She Actually Fell For (Or: Ruby's Epic Love Affair with Humanity in General and Sam in Specific) by tuesday (3.7k)
In which Ruby has a lot of sex, is not any kind of therapist that would be legal, and helps a few people out for her own reasons. (S4/S5 AU)
for everyone out there who enjoys ruby being a girlboss <3
Fractured Link by Trell (orphan_account) (5.5k)
Meg goes on, resolute despite the way Dean flinches, "He likes me. He likes me a lot, and I like him back, and that's probably good enough for both of us. But fuck me for saying so, Dean-o, he loves you, probably more than anything else on his daddy's green Earth, and you need to man up and give back what Clarence over there has been devoting to you for years."
this is meg/dean/cas which is not smth i really seek out but this was extremely good. set in s7 so it’s meg and dean and honey cas and it’s a lot of dean figuring his shit out and trying to forgive cas and i love meg a lot in this
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I was rereading the iconic reunion at baltimore and this came to me and I can't not write it (even though I have a half finished chapter waiting to be written for a fic for a whole different fandom but who cares right)
in which neil regrets realizes that the feds were on to something when they talked about witness protection program. brace yourselves, it's angst time bby. please bear with me, I don't write stuff like this, content and format wise.
so everyone knows what goes down in baltimore. everyone knows that famous college exy striker for the foxes neil josten has been the son of the butcher of baltimore all along, and that smth happened after he was kidnapped and tortured that resulted in the butcher and some associates to be killed. everyone knows that neil walked out alive, injured but alive. so when a few weeks, months later, associates of the butcher start getting raided and taken in custody, everyone knows exactly who opened his little mouth and revealed everything he knows (bc there's literally no one else who could know this stuff and would be willing to share with the fucking feds, no one has a death wish)
It's a slow process. It starts with the feeling of not being safe, which is ridiculous, because he hasn't been quite as safe as he is right now, with the foxes, his family, and most importantly with Andrew. They're on summer break, technically speaking, even if they're at campus for practice because they gotta train the new foxes. They're barely doing anything than hanging out together and training, but still Neil can't shake the feeling that something is wrong, that someone is watching him, but he doesn't say anything, because it doesn't make sense, he's just being paranoid, there's no need to panic.
Neil can swear he's being watched. He feels the dread whenever he's out of the dorm, when he's out running, when they go out to eat something, when they go to the mall, on their way to practice, at Eden's. But when he looks around there's no one looking, it's been weeks and nothing has happened, he hasn't seen anyone.
Neil can tell Andrew is growing suspicious of the way he checks out a place, the way his eyes trace every corner, every exit, because he's starting to fall back in old habits, and he knows Andrew hates it. But Andrew doesn't ask, he knows that Neil will speak when he feels ready, so he lets it go, even if he can't quite let got of the worry clawing at his heart.
But everything keeps going normally, things are fine, everything is fine fine fine. Neil doesn't talk about it, but it's fine really. Until it's not fine at all, but it's also too late to talk now because his head is fuzzy and throbbing, and he feels like he might throw up and he feels pain even if he's not sure where the pain is coming from. But he can't do anything now, he can't tell Andrew how he's been feeling dread for weeks, because a man whose name he doesn't even know but whose face is awfully familiar is standing right in front of him where he lies on the floor, and the situation is also awfully familiar.
Stop being a martyr. Oh Andrew would kill him. If Neil gets out of this alive, Andrew will kill him, because he left again. He didn't want to, he really didn't. He was out on a run while Andrew was in therapy with Bee and Aaron, a couple miles away from fox tower, when a car pulled up right in front of him, two men wearing hoods and sunglasses stepping out and standing in front of him. He came to a halt, trying his best to keep calm because who the hell were these men and what did they want and for fucks sake can this just stop? It would have been smart to turn around and try to get back to the tower but he can't ever keep his mouth shut can he?
"Look I don't know who you are, I don't care what you want, but you're in my way, so move away if you know what's best." He intended to go for more sarcastic, but he was doing his best not to panic, so that had to do.
"You're coming with us, get in the car, or we'll do this the hard way." Their voices said they wouldn't hesitate, but Neil laughed anyway, that smile he knew was the Butcher's resting on his lips. Anything to make the men leave. He opened his mouth and then- "The Minyard twins are at Dr. Dobson's office. Reynolds, Walker, and Wilds are at the mall. Hemmick, Boyd and Day are in the dorms. The newbies are at the dorms as well. Come with us the easy way and we'll let them walk out of their respective places alive, Nathaniel."
And he was fucked. Of course he hadn't been safe, he would never be safe. In fact no one he cared about would ever be safe. He should have known better. But he wasn't going to let the foxes be harmed.
"How do I know you won't kill them anyway?" The snark was gone, the smile vanished. His face was blank and dangerous, because he'd done this before. "I don't even know who you are, you're obviously not the big guys, and I don't remember seeing your faces."
"We don't want to attract unnecessary attention. All we care about is you. If you come, you spare us all the trouble. As for who we are, let's just say someone is pissed at the piece of shit that ruined everything."
"The Butcher's friends then. I can't argue with that, it's a habit of mine to fuck up. Ichirou won't be too happy if something happened." He played his strongest card but fuck it. The Moriyamas owed him protection, Ichirou himself had made a deal with him.
"The moment they turned their backs to the Wesninski and made a deal with Hatford, those Japanese shits mean nothing to us." These were desperate men apparently. If the Moriyamas were nothing, the FBI was even less. "Time is running Nathaniel, decide. You or them?"
Andrew would kill him, but they'd talked about it before. Neil had told Andrew. If it means losing you, then no. He would not put himself first. Hell, he'd told the others before, the Foxes were all he had, he wasn't going to risk them for himself, not for anything. He needed to keep them safe.
So now he's lying on the cold wooden floor of some house or shed or whatever, drowsy from whatever they drugged him with once he got in the car, and in pain after being beaten for the last hour or so. He didn't bother asking the man (who is obviously in charge and sent the two men) for a name, and honestly he still doesn't plan to. What was the point of that anyway? He just looks up at the cold brown eyes of the man standing over him, Neil's face as neutral as he could keep it despite the fear of not making it out alive threatening to pull him under. The man just stares at him, calculative eyes and cruel smile, and Neil can't take it.
"What, so you're just gonna stand there? I have better shit to do." He hears the slur in his voice, wonders if it's just the drugs or something else. A concussion is likely. He's met with silence, so he closes his eyes and lays his head down. Fuck he's tired of these situations. He truly will never be safe, no one will-
"You know, I was expecting so much more from you Nathaniel," the man says with a laugh, "I was told that you'd put up a fight, I thought this would be fun. They said you'd beg for your precious life, but you haven't even made an effort."
Whoever his source was, they definitely do not know Neil, or Nathaniel for that matter. Not only is he not going to risk the men hurting the others, but he isn't going to fight, not against so many of them, not when running would be more likely to get him out alive. He isn't going to let them know that. "First go fuck yourself, and second, this isn't remotely close to entertaining to what I've been through, maybe if it was more interesting."
What does Andrew say? Regret is worthless? It seems right, because he can't find regret in what he said, even if his face is a bloody mess (what's new?) and his body shakes with shivers, after his head is held underwater so many times. No, he doesn't regret it. Instead he finds himself laughing a hollow thing.
"Y'know at least others have had a point, this time it's just for the fun of it, and it's not being much fun." His voice cracks a couple times, hoarse from coughing up water.
"You're right though, it is for fun. You cost me absolutely everything Nathaniel. Did you know the feds and the Moriyamas have been after us for months? Hunting us like we're rabbits, all because you decided to be a dipshit and open your mouth. You should be dead. You should have died ten years ago, back in March, anytime. All your existence caused us is trouble. And ratting us to the feds wasn't enough was it? No you told Ichirou all of the Butcher's men were loose ends, too." The man took a deep breath, composing himself. "So yes Nathaniel, this is for fun. This is payback, you've cost many lives, this is retribution for speaking, and I'm gonna enjoy seeing you have fun for as long as I can."
At some point, after hours, he's left alone in the dark, in the cold. He knows he’s in pain. He’s pretty sure his arm is broken, and so are several ribs. He knows he should be in a lot of pain, but he's just numb. Regret is worthless. Because even if he feels even worse than how he felt last winter at Evermore, he doesn’t regret it. He can’t be sure the guy’s men were truly going to kill the Foxes, but he doesn’t regret coming here to make sure the others don’t suffer more than they already have because of him. He wonders if Andrew will forgive him. He didn’t leave proof that he didn’t want to leave this time. Would Andrew think he left them - him? God, he hopes not. Would Andrew look for Neil or leave it thinking that Neil wanted to leave?
It doesn’t really matter, though. Neil is so tired. This time isn’t like when he was on the run or when he went to Evermore or when Lola took him. While with the Ravens, Kevin knew he was there at least, if anything were to happen, a person would know where to look somehow. At Baltimore, several people knew the most likely place to find him; Uncle Stewart, the Hatfords, Kevin again. He has no idea of where he is, or who took him, and no one knows he’s been taken in the first place. No one will ever find him.
Maybe it’s better that way, he thinks. No one will have to deal with the burden of him or his disappearance or his death, because no one will know. The simple thing would be to assume he ran. He hopes they assume he ran. Maybe they’ll be hurt, but haven’t they been expecting him to run? They won’t make it to championships without him considering Jack is an awful striker, but Kevin will manage. Andrew - Andrew is the one who expects him to run the most, maybe he’ll take it nicely. Neil hopes he takes it nicely. Guilt blossoms among the nothingness in his chest, but he can’t take it back, and he doesn’t want to. It’s better this way. No one will find him, but that’s fine. He wonders what the Moriyamas will do. He doesn’t want to think about that. He thinks of Andrew, the kisses, the care, the love, the nights spent together. Thank you, you were amazing. He wishes he could tell him how much he cares one last time. He feels something wet slip down his face. He can’t tell if it’s water, blood or tears. He sighs. He thinks of Andrew, and his eyes slip close.
#aftg#all for the game#tfc#the foxhole court#trk#the raven king#tkm#the king's men#neil josten#nora sakavic#andrew minyard#kevin day#I'm so sorry#I don't write stuff like this I mean it my angst is very different#fanfiction#also no I didn't kill neil#it's just a goodbye of sorts#aftg fanfic#no this is not betaed or revised for that matter#half of this was written while I was in class#I was going for a prompt and ended up writing almost 2k words instead lmao#sorry I write a lot in my tags#andreil#not really but it's there
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