#but they were more selfish in their choices than they realized and the execution was overall absolutely terrible
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ㅤborn on june 30th at 3:40 am to eunji byun, a woman who never had any intention of raising a child, byan was taken home by their adoptive parents, hye-jin yoon and dae-seong lee, a couple who had never been able to have a child of their own and had eagerly awaited their arrival. given the name yeong-hwan lee, they were treated exactly as if they were the couple's biological son and learned to refer to the two as eomma and appa (mom and dad).
this was the only period in their life where byan had a very "normal" childhood. and it was good! they were a happy, outgoing kid from the start, always curious and full of energy. they felt loved. they were loved. they don't remember it, but they were even taken to korea to meet their parents' extended family when they were two.
things were good, and it seemed like they were only going to get better when hye-jin unexpectedly discovered that she was pregnant.
byan's sister, hwa-young, was born on september 9th, when they were four years old. given her name because hye-jin was fond of the idea of her children having similar names, even byan was excited by this, and by the concept of having a baby sister. things remained exciting for the first few weeks, but as time passed and the newness of having a baby in the house began to wear off, things started to get... complicated. neither parent had particularly high paying jobs, and hye-jin couldn't afford to take much of a maternity leave. she worked from home, but between work, household chores, and hwa-young, neither she nor dae-seong had much time left over for byan, let alone for themselves. needless to say, it was a stressful time, and with money and energy running thin, byan beginning to act out a couple months in due to a lack in the attention they were used to having didn't exactly help matters.
only a few months before their fifth birthday, byan was placed into the care of a foster family. it wasn't an easy decision for either of their parents to make, but they had never planned for two children and no longer believed that they could properly support or give them both the life they deserved. the decision was made thinking that it would give byan the opportunity for something better, and that if things ever turned around for the family, they could eventually be brought back.
ㅤ—of course, that never happened.
contact was kept for a while, but when it seemed to only make things harder on byan, and subsequently harder on all of them, the decision to cut contact completely and all at once was made. the thought process was that if byan stopped waiting and hoping for the day that they'd get to come home, maybe they would eventually allow themself to settle with another family. at least they were probably young enough that they wouldn't remember all that much from their first four years, right? surely they would move on, and eventually be happier for it.
the last thing byan remembers hearing from eomma and appa didn't even come directly from them. it came through their foster mother, who tried to make it sound exciting that their last name had been changed from lee to byun.
#i uh. i've been wanting to flesh out more of byan's history. naturally the beginning seemed like a good place to start.#i like to think that hye-jin and dae-seong's hearts were in the right place...#but they were more selfish in their choices than they realized and the execution was overall absolutely terrible#byan was left scarred and abandoned and ended up blaming themself for what happened for a very long time#thinking that maybe there's something fundamentally wrong with them#or that maybe if they'd behaved better or been quieter they would have been able to stay#and of course those were thoughts that only ended up reinforced throughout several of the foster homes they'd go through#when really they were just extremely unlucky. like. that's it. purely bad luck and unfortunate circumstances and poor decisions#which they had no say in whatsoever#anyway i'm rambling. this was supposed to be a short hc idk what happened i'm supposed to be answering asks rn...#au where the family is better off and byan gets to grow up in a loving family when#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ headcanon ⋮ danger in the fabric of this thing i made.
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Hello!! Is it alright if you do a request where Kaito and shuichi (separately) watch their S/O (gender netural) get executed?
My God, this is going to be… interesting. I will leave the reader's talent and victim as ambiguous as possible. It's your time to kill your most hated character! /hj
CW: Angst (kind of), Reader gets executed, someone dies (rather ambiguous), this is kind of bad sorry
A/N: I'm watching 'La Velada del Año 3' rn, it's epic.
Shuichi and Kaito (separately) watching their S/O get executed.
Kaito Momota:
This man…
This man will probably behave the same as in Chapter 4.
He's going to deny everything, even if all the evidence points to you being the culprit.
You can't blame him, you're his partner! Obviously he's going to prefer to trust you more than anything.
But everything has to come to an end, doesn't it?
At a certain point, Kaito will have no choice but to accept it, you killed someone, you're the culprit.
When everyone votes for you, Kaito will remain silent, feeling somewhat betrayed by you.
When the voting ends and the results say it's you, Kaito would approach you and take you by the shoulders.
Kaito will ask you to explain. Why did you decide to go and kill someone? Why?
It doesn't matter if you explain yourself or if you remain silent,, Kaito wouldn't look at you the same way, you killed someone when you promised not to, you betrayed his trust.
But even so, he can't come to hate you. You're his partner, his significant other, you've been with him from the beginning, it's impossible for him to hate you.
Of course, all of that was interrupted by Monokuma, who exclaimed that it was time for punishment.
And then everything collapsed for Kaito, the punishment… he had completely forgotten.
Just like in Chapter 1 with Kaede, he would fight Monokuma so that the bear doesn't execute you.
But just like in Chapter 1, it doesn't end up working, and annoyed with himself, Kaito hugs you tightly, before the chains separate you from him and lead you to your execution.
He can't even watch your execution without feeling helpless, he could have stopped you, he could.
But he didn't.
And now you are gone.
Shuichi Saihara:
My god...
MY GOD
If you remember how he acted in Chapter 1, well the same.
As soon as he realized that you were the culprit, Shuichi would feel like the world was collapsing on him.
You… you killed someone.
He would try to deny it for a long time, until he realizes that there is no point in doing so.
So he decides to say it and explain the case, as always.
But something is different, his voice trembled and wavered with some of his words.
When everyone voted for you and the result said it was true, he was devastated.
He arrived at the truth, but for what?
He's going to lose you.
Just like Kaito, Shuichi will ask you to explain. He wants to know. He NEEDS to know.
He might not look you in the eye.
It doesn't matter if you did it for something selfish or something heroic, he couldn't hate you even if he tried.
He loves you very much, he could never hate you.
When Monokuma announced the execution, Shuichi's heart broke even more.
The chains grabbed your neck, and Shuichi tried to reach you.
But he couldn't.
As much as he wants to, he can't take his eyes off the execution.
It's so… brutal.
Once the execution is over, he falls to his knees, feeling miserable once more.
You are gone, and he feels like its his fault.
Broo Misho got injured in the middle of the fight, damn it. Shelao won, but at what price? It doesn't even feel like a victory. -.-"
Mod Shuichi
#danganronpa#danganronpa x reader#danganronpa x y/n#danganronpa x you#danganronpa v3#drv3 shuichi saihara#shuichi saihara x reader#shuichi saihara#kaito momota#kaito momota x reader#mod shuichi
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This is so interesting because I generally feel as though prequels Anakin has a better foundation even if the execution was often pretty mediocre, while TCW Anakin is less interesting overall but the execution of that character was better.
To extrapolate on that, I think prequels Anakin is focused in a lot more on Anakin being SCARED, on Anakin being kind-of selfish and greedy about never having to lose anything or anyone ever again, but being just genuine enough that people don't realize just HOW selfish and greedy he's being. I think the dichotomy of Anakin wanting to be a good person, but being so scared of losing ANYTHING that he's willing to sacrifice EVERYTHING is so so interesting as a character base. The problem with prequels Anakin, to me, is predominantly with the way the films show Anakin during the time when he's still supposed to be considered someone good and kind.
I think some of that has to do with tropes of the time, Lucas's difficulty writing dialogue/romance, the insistence on putting in tons of long CGI action scenes, and Lucas's own biases/prejudices. Anakin's character arc struggled then, and it continues to struggle now. He's NOT likable, and that was, in large part, kind-of the point. But you're not supposed to HATE him the way audiences did, or just feel like he doesn't WORK as a character. Obi-Wan's assertion that he was a good friend once shouldn't feel like a complete lie.
So Anakin is, I think, a more complex character in the prequels, but the fact that the Star Wars films were made by and large for 12 year olds and so struggle a little with that complexity is not surprising, and that makes the Anakin from the films less likable in a way he was probably not intended to be.
TCW Anakin is focused in a lot more on his ANGER, his violence. He becomes infinitely more suave and charming in TCW than he really ever is in the films (even including ROTS), but he's also almost consistently saying and doing violent things with the Imperial March playing behind him. Anakin in TCW isn't really all that far off of some pretty basic dude film action heroes here, and therefore isn't really all that complex. He's a villain-in-the-making and his charm isn't meant to make him seem like a genuinely GOOD PERSON so much as it feels like Anakin's just VERY good at putting on an act in front of certain people most of the time. There's no true focus on the terrible things Anakin's done despite how violent he often is because the structure of TCW means that they refuse to ever address ANYTHING that happens previously in any meaningful way, so the Tusken massacre gets completely forgotten, and Anakin just wanders around completely happy despite us as the audience knowing he's an unrepentant baby killer. Which, as a few other people have pointed out, makes him seem almost WORSE or scarier as a character, than if he were thinking about it more and seeming more conflicted over it.
Anakin being such a simpler character in TCW means that it's a lot easier to make him "likable" to audiences. He's familiar as an archetype, and he can be put into a nice neat little box where his actions never feel like they don't match up to what the narrative is saying about him. The choices he makes and the music they use is CONSTANTLY letting you know "this dude's evil, he's gonna be Darth Vader, he's only a year away from being Darth Vader, he's gonna kill babies, DON'T FORGET" so even when he's in his "nicer" moments in TCW, it's always kind-of in the shadow of the fact that he's a villain and that's the most important thing about him.
Prequels Anakin is complex enough that he required better writing than he ended up with, and that's the true tragedy of the prequels lol. He's not necessarily intended to be "likable" in the same way as TCW Anakin was. Prequels Anakin isn't a dudebro action hero in the same way, he's not Bruce Willis (I say this as someone who has seen exactly no Bruce Willis films but can't think of a better dudebro action hero right now).
So I'm personally more interested in the message being told via Prequels Anakin, I think it's more complex and unique, but I can understand people gravitating towards the easier, simpler, more familiar version of Anakin that exists in TCW.
#anti anakin#anti anakin skywalker#anakin critical#anakin skywalker critical#star wars#star wars the clone wars#tcw#swtcw#prequel trilogy
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Sonic King-Ohger AU characters interacting with their Sonic canon counterparts
Shadow (Gira): King Shadow sees Canon Shadow being his usual stoic self and assumes he must assume his own gruff “evil” persona to be considered worth talking to. Canon Shadow recognizes he’s acting and promptly declares he’ll step down to a casual level to chat respectfully. Eventually, it’s brought up that King’s Maria is alive (and a hedgehog,) but committed a long list of atrocious crimes as Queen that were ultimately all for the sake of her brother and the universe. Canon Shadow, who must admit his memory of Maria is clouded by nostalgia, isn’t quite sure how to feel - is this evidence she could have been as bad as Ivo if she lived, even if for a good purpose? (And have I really become as exaggerated as this “me” acts?) King Shadow can tell his Canon self has a lot to think about from this encounter, he’s good at reading people, and respects his privacy.
Surge (Yanma): King Surge’s thoughts on Canon Surge are not given a good starting point when she introduces herself by trying to steal his Ohger Calibur (she technically succeeds, but it’s useless in her hands.) His first realization is that a lot of her anger problems will be resolved once she figures out she’s a he and starts taking testosterone. His second realization is that she’s loudly picking on his friends and career choices while he’s thinking, and has rightfully earned a thrashing. His third realization is that, while this alternate Surge follows his “brains and guts get me through anything” ideal, she’s lacking in the “brains” department - which horrifies him. Don’t tell him this is how Surge the Tenrec is “supposed to be,” you’ll lead him to a complete existential breakdown… and maybe a multiversal plan to “rehabilitate all the dumb versions of me.”
Amy (Hymeno): Queen Amy sees Canon Amy and assumes she’s a malicious imposter (it’s happened before.) Once that’s resolved, Canon Amy is flabbergasted and given embarrassing flashbacks to her youth by Queen Amy’s absurd demands and standards (Sebastian is GADGET underneath all that makeup?,) and is very nearly convinced she’s been sent to some sort of evil mirror dimension, before a distraction (probably endangered Ishabana citizens who Queen insists on personally attending to) establishes that beneath her selfishness Queen Amy still has the same compassion and generosity. In the end, they recognize that the only real difference between them is that Canon Amy grew out of every girl’s desire to be a princess, while Queen Amy, being… a queen, grew up embracing it.
Blaze (Rita): It’s up for debate whether guarding the Sol Emeralds or deciding the fate of every criminal in Mobius puts more pressure on you, but Canon Blaze would just LOOK at King Blaze, hiding their ice powers, their face, their voice, and even their gender, and go “and I thought I was emotionally repressed.” She even asks them if they’ve learned from Sonic for their sake, only to be casually informed that if they absolutely had their way their dimension’s Sonic would have to be executed for all manners of treachery. She eventually begs their retainer/"Morphonia" (most likely Silver) to provide her with any evidence they have some sort of outlet, upon which he gladly shows her King’s plushie collection and brief career as an idol… which promptly leads to screaming, gets Canon Blaze banished from Gokkan and threatens King Blaze and their Silver’s friendship (a little.)
Sonic (Kaguragi): Lord Sonic would warmly welcome Canon Sonic to Toufu, hail him for his heroics, and Canon Sonic, depending on the day, would QUICKLY realize he’s being psychologically buttered up. Not like he trusted a Sonic who actually accepted the responsibility and position of royalty, anyway… and yeah, it quickly becomes similar to the Amys’ interaction when Canon comes to understand and accept that Lord spends a lot more time dirtying his hands for his people (and in particular, his brother Tails) than sitting around. He is a bit concerned that this guy takes “I don’t mind being the bad guy” a little too far, but can only say “touché” when Lord casually reminds him of his IDW choices. Unfortunately, their chances of friendship are ultimately dashed by Lord, who’s a bit too passionate about Toufu’s cuisine, dismissing chili dogs as “N’kosopa-level junk food.”
Tikal (Jeramie): Queen Tikal is a 2,000-year-old Echidna Mobian/Spider Bugnarak hybrid who’s wandered her Mobius occasionally hibernating, while Canon Tikal is a spirit tied to the Master Emerald, so needless to say their interactions would be unpredictable and highly interesting. Both have tales to tell of horrifying ancient wars - Canon about how she lost everything and sacrificed herself to end the crisis, Queen about how she inadvertently triggered 2,000 years of hatred AND toiled to fix the mistakes she made. Queen is the insecure one, but would probably end up humbling Canon Tikal for all she was able to do, eventually successfully bringing peace between the two sides and becoming Queen of the Bugnarak, while Canon failed to protect her people entirely and died. Queen would probably end up spinning a triumphant reprise of Canon’s story to cheer her up, considering she once accidentally did the same for a war, did she not? (Also, Canon Tikal, used to Knuckles venting about his crushes, can read Queen Tikal's probably-canon-IDK-I'm-still-planning feelings for her Shadow like a book.)
#sth#super sentai#ohsama sentai kingohger#sonic au#sonic kingohger au#shadow the hedgehog#surge the tenrec#amy rose#blaze the cat#sonic the hedgehog#tikal the echidna#shadikal#(maybe)#kingoh spoilers
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Don't misunderstand, this question is not about the ship and I have no ulterior motive to provoke you. In both the anime and the manga, was it because of Erwin's orders that Levi bullied Historia and demanded that she become queen? I see the same rhetoric on Twitter and Tumblr and I wanted to ask you with suspicion and curiosity.
I feel like this is a common misconception about this entire scene, that Levi forced Historia to become queen, when he never did. He didn't bully Historia into becoming queen, nor did he demand it. He told her she had to make a choice, because she did. Either choose to become queen, or don't. He told her to stop being pitiful and decide what she was going to do, and he also explained to her what would happen with each, potential choice. If she chose not to become queen, countless people were going to die, including every member of the Survey Corps, something people don't seem to realize when they go on and on about how "mean" Levi was to Historia. The SC had, at that point, been declared enemies of the nobility, and were being hunted down for execution. If the coup failed and they were unable to overthrow the nobility, they were all going to die, including Historia herself. Historia failing to assume the role of queen also would have lead to the outbreak of a civil war, with the military factions that had sided with the SC going against the nobility and its military factions, like the Interior Police, which also would have lead to countless deaths. Levi got so angry at Historia because she was risking all of that simply because she was more interested in feeling sorry for herself than manning up and doing the right thing. I wouldn't say Levi's response was because of Erwin's "orders", but because of his own frustration and distress over the entire situation. He'd just gotten through torturing a man for the information about Historia specifically, something he clearly wasn't happy about, and she was also threatening to render that exercise futile and pointless with her selfishness. Erwin's orders certainly were behind the coup itself, and Levi helping Hange to torture Sannes was a part of that coup attempt. Levi trusted in Erwin's orders because he believed Erwin was only acting in humanity's best interests, and that's why he was willing to engage in torture and help facilitate a coup. Erwin also obviously conveyed that overthrowing the nobility was necessary for humanity's victory, and Historia needed to be installed as queen in order for the nobility to be overthrown, so in that regard, Erwin's orders influenced Levi's sense of urgency in that moment. But I wouldn't say Erwin "ordered" Levi to get in Historia's face the way he did. That was just Levi's temper getting the better of him because Historia's selfishness was threatening the entire operation and threatening lives in the process.
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Aftermath | Hero X Villain Snippet
"I have to wonder if you realize that I don't have the same kind of protection as you." Villain gripped their drink tighter, staring hard into the counter top, and suppressing the sting in their eyes.
They didn't want to be this angry. But they had the right to be-- it's just- Hero probably wouldn't agree. And Villain didn't really need Hero to lose any more respect for them.
"If something happens-" thank Fuck that Hero was just letting them talk, now, drinking their unholy, un-alcoholic beverage, and looking-- well, Villain wasn't willing to glance up from the bar long enough to know where Hero was looking, but they rather hoped it wasn't at them- But ANYWAY-
Villain lifted the drink swiftly, sloshing more than a mouthful down their gullet and nearly choking before placing the sweaty glass back on the counter sans-coaster--and hoping the ugly execution had taken any attention away from the way their hands shook. "You have-" they cleared their throat, "-you have Superhero, if it went sideways. You know that? If they- if someone were out for you, and you had to- had to stop, go into hiding- you'd be alright. You could fall back on them, back on your Headquarters- and you'd be just fine."
They took another drink-- this one just for Spirit, and by golly, did it show in the way it clinked against the counter, a dozen tiny chimes as Villain failed to keep the glass steady. They swallowed thickly; not really tasting the wine, anymore.
"I don't really have that."
Their eyes had become wet. Villain rubbed a sleeve over their face, pretending that it was just to wipe away the sweat. The bartender didn't look convinced.
"It's just me, Hero." Their grip on the glass loosened, arms folding to cross in front of them, pillowing their chin on the counter. Damp fingers dug into their sleeves. "If I don't look out for me, then no one will. I- I don't have the same luxery you do. The same safety net. No one is going to catch me when I fall. And you- I- I don't think you've ever experienced that, Hero. I don't think you've ever had to be…. 'selfish'."
Villain laughed.
"But I don't have a choice. Not if I want to be anything more than just someone's pet."
#hero and villain#hero x villain community#villains and heroes#villain x hero#villain#heroes and villains#hero#original writing#original fiction#snippet#creative writing#writerscommunity#writing snippet#writers of tumblr#writeblr
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the last of us hbo is partly so infuriating because it is so obsessively concerned with how it will be received. every line in the show, every frame, is both composed and delivered self-consciously. bold choices are made to differentiate itself from the source material, but instead of fully committing to these changes the show hurls them at you and then scurries behind a familiar visual or line to shield itself from your potential ire, even if said visual or line no longer makes sense within the new context it’s created. it spends so much time trying to convince you that it’s doing the characters and story you love justice that it completely forgets about the story itself. this is something that echoes in every aspect of the show, from the casting of Joel being Pedro “Universally Loved For Single Dad Characters” Pascal as Joel (Joel’s pragmatic relationship with violence and his selfishness are equally, if not more important, to the story as his Dad Energy; I have no problem with Pascal but his selection illustrates that the quality of Joel the creators are most concerned with is the part that makes him most loveable) to Ellie’s rewriting as a spunky jokester and the flattening of qualities that are, again, equally important as her moments of comedy (sorrow, anxiety, seriousness, the quiet determination both in her own purpose and to not be a burden that she exhibits in particular before she knows she’s stuck with joel, and that she returns to every time her survivor’s guilt/trauma comes back to kick her in the teeth (after Tess, after David, right before the hospital, right before the end of the game.))
the show reads like it was created by someone who played the game one time five years ago and extrapolated the rest of the plot from a few basic sentences. “Hmm, I remember that Tess and Joel cared about each other beyond just simple friends. I guess they were dating. I remember Joel being protective of Ellie and a link between Sarah and Ellie. Let’s throw that in as early as episode 2. I don’t remember how or why that relationship developed but what I liked was when they cared about each other, so let’s just do that as early as possible!” the script of tlou hbo treats any scene dedicated to development rather than climax as not worth adaptation, while, bafflingly, setting up action scenes for itself and then skipping over them completely. tess and joel’s execution of robert is a crucial scene to the development of tess, of joel, of their relationship and of the world of the QZ itself, but climax-wise it offers little, so why bother? we do need to establish these characters, though, so let’s have tess repeat over and over how evil and bad her and joel are. the show acts like exposition and development of anything is a burden for both the creators to construct and the audience to sit through. it’s desperate to have poignant moments of culmination, but lacks the patience or confidence in itself- or both- to actually commit to constructing interesting scenes to carry itself forward to those moments of culmination. there is almost no attempt to work exposition in in new and interesting ways that will communicate new information while also building the story. instead, every exposition drop is positioned like the creators are nudging and winking us, saying, isn’t this a slog? it’s like the creators want us to accept that exposition and development is a chore that we as the audience and they as the creators can universally recognize as a pain in the ass, so we should just sit tight while they roll out information in clunky, uncreative ways so we can get back to the unearned emotional beats of joel looking at his watch or trying to protect ellie.
and then like i said previously, the show bafflingly- or actually, quite predictably- sets up action scenes for itself, then skips over them completely as soon as it realizes that delivering on the action scene would mean composing something compelling and interesting from scratch. marlene tells kim, with utter seriousness, that every firefly in the qz is going to gather that night to take ellie away- an addition from the game- and then when we next see her, all the fireflies are dead, she’s bleeding and kim has lost an ear. in a show that lets us spend a full day with sarah, that spends time on a guard and a child we will likely never see again right after the title credits of the first episode for the sake of building the world, is there any reason that we were not allowed to see the dramatic confrontation that broke down the fireflies and landed marlene in hot water? for game viewers, there’s no need for the confrontation, obviously, because we already know what’s going to happen. we know marlene will be injured and have to trust joel against her will. but for a new watcher would it not be so utterly bizarre to be promised a gathering of rebels , and then have it revealed that they were all killed in a dramatic confrontation- but don’t worry, you don’t need to see the confrontation. we’ll just tell you what happened! why would you want to see an action scene in a horror-action series?
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Hinata Jumping into the Pain Pit is Weirdly Executed
The Pain Arc is among my favorites, but something’s been bothering me about it; Hinata jumping in to save Naruto before she gets folded by the Deva path. Not the fact that she did it(I think it’s a really nice way for her to overcome her anxiety) or even the scene itself, but the fact that it was her.
To me, Hinata’s role in the arc feels very disconnected. She has no presence at the start of the arc. She doesn’t comfort Naruto after Jiraiya’s death, she certainly has no connections to Pain/Nagato or Konan, she has no relevancy in the question about world peace, and I don’t even remember her making a passing appearance. When Pain attacked, she didn’t take out one of the paths or anything(again I don’t remember her even appearing). Then she suddenly has all of the attention on her as she jumps in, proclaims her love, and gets “killed,” which causes Naruto to flip his shit. Then, she’s back to being near irrelevant. Kakashi carries Naruto back, Sakura hugs him, Hinata makes a brief appearance to show she’s alive, and the arc ends. She doesn’t say anything to him, Naruto isn't especially relieved to see she’s alive, and the confession is never addressed.
Do you see why I think this is a weird decision?
She has one moment of relevancy and then she fucks off until the war arc where she will once again have a brief moment to matter before the epilogue.
This decision gets even weirder when you take in the bigger picture. For the scene, Kishimoto needed a liked character with an established relationship with Naruto to futilely jump into save him before getting “killed” by Pain. That character’s “death” would cause Naruto to lose control of the nine-tails, resulting in Naruto meeting Minato and yada yada yada you get the point. (Bonus points if that character jumping in progresses that character’s arc.) Now, I’m not saying Hinata doesn’t meet the criteria, but there were certainly better options. To list a few:
Sakura Haruno was literally right there. She is the primary heroine and love interest of the Naruto franchise. She wasn’t a focus character in the Pain arc, but she was at least present. In early shippuden, it was established that she was insecure about being unable to help Naruto in bigger ways. It was also established that she wanted to help Naruto fight back against the Akatsuki. Moments before the Pain Pit scene, Sakura was shown screaming for Naruto’s help so her having a moment of desperately realizing that someone has to help before turning the tables would’ve been a nice scene. Sakura “dying” would mean that Naruto wasn’t just pushed over the edge by seeing another friend die, but by pretty much losing the last member of the original team 7. I could go on about it being in character for her to do and her saying her choice to step in is selfish would be nice foreshadowing to her later actions in the Five Kage Summit arc and her hugging Naruto at the end of the arc would not only be more impactful but make more sense, but this post is long enough already.
Shikamaru Nara would’ve been a nice segway to becoming Naruto’s right hand man later. He was already one of the most present characters in the arc(helping decode Jiraiya’s code and Naruto moving forward) and it would justify the amount of screen time he’s given in both the arc and the manga. I like Shikamaru as much as the next guy, but it is odd how he’s given disproportionately more character depth and growth than the other tertiary characters despite contributing little to the greater themes of the series and stories of the main characters. Him participating in such a major moment would not only make the prior screen time make more sense but him protecting Naruto specifically could be an alternative start of him choosing to become Naruto’s advisor/assistant. Granted, him jumping in wouldn’t be very “protect the king” or “200 iq” of him, so his decision would have to be justified somehow or lead to some sort of character change.
Iruka Umino would’ve been a gut punch. I’m biased and I love Iruka, but sometimes a story needs to twist the knife and this is literally the arc’s darkest hour. He got a little screen time prior to the attack when he comforted Naruto, Iruka’s death was already teased when the Deva path nearly killed him while he was trying to protect someone, and he appears again at the arc’s finale. Iruka “dying” would, at least temporarily, make Shikamaru telling Naruto about the old generation protecting the new all the more grim. The scene could also be a nice call back to chapter one of the series. I’d also like to add that, while any of Naruto’s friends dying would’ve set him off considering the amount of buildup, him reacting so extremely to Iruka “dying” would’ve been undeniably an in character response and it would’ve added at least a little more weight to him choosing to forgive Nagato.
I think I’ve made my case why, without changing anything outside of who jumps in, at least three other characters would’ve made more sense narratively. So, why Hinata? I have two theories as to why Kishimoto thought he should choose Hinata.
1. Kishimoto originally planned to do something more with her character, but ultimately didn’t.
Maybe the editors stepped in, maybe he changed his mind, who knows? Not me. I wasn’t there and even if I was, I’m not fluent in Japanese. This would explain both her stepping in specifically and her actually confessing her feelings, but neither being mentioned or relevant again(save for the one movie). It’s also possible that her encouraging Naruto after Neji’s death was that “something more” but it was just awkwardly executed.
2. Hinata is meant to be thematically relevant in the grand scheme of things.
Remember when I said Hinata didn’t have any relevancy in regards to the larger question about world peace? That wasn’t wholly accurate. To explain why, I have to explain the thematic conflict of the Naruto series very quickly.
The series is packed with commentary on humanity, but the thematic question most relevant to what I’m talking about(and arguably the franchise) is “Is it possible for people to understand each other?” (This is specifically in relation to conflict resolution.) This is why talk no jutsu exists, this is why Naruto and Sasuke’s rivalry is so relevant, and this is why the resolution of Naruto is international alliances rather than systematic change or whatever alternative plot resolution people where expecting. This question is lingering in the background since Part 1, but it’s first vocalized in the Pain arc when Nagato asks Naruto if he thinks world peace is possible(which is a stand in for the thematic question of if he thinks two people understanding each other is possible). Naruto answers that he doesn’t know but he’ll find out then spends the rest of the story doing just that. The Five Kage Summit arc is him finding an answer(only if the anger/hatred which would normally cause conflict is directed at a single target), the War arc is him reevaluating that answer once he sees it fail when put into practice(the infinite tsukuyomi/Obito/Madara), and the Valley of the End/Ending is the presentation of the final conclusion(yes). There’s more to it than that and the discussion of how well the theme was executed and if the conclusion was accurate is still open, but all of that is irrelevant in this discussion.
What does Hinata have to do with this? Simple, Hinata is integral in both Naruto reevaluating his answer in the first place and the conclusion he comes to. Naruto treats a large chunk of the war arc like a personal conflict. To him, it’s less of a world war and more of a “Naruto vs Obito/Tobi/Madara.” Because of that, he’s done whatever he can to shoulder all of the weight of the war. However, Neji dying for his sake was like a personal failure. Naruto, unsurprisingly, began to crumble at that failure(with the help of Obito’s taunts). Hinata snaps him out of it(slaps him out of it?) and reminds him of his ninja way. Specifically, she tells him that his conviction to protect his friends is shared by all of the shinobi there. She tells him that it’s not shared hatred or pain that connects all shinobi, it’s the love they have for their comrades(as cheesy as that might sound).
That’s all to say that Kishimoto may have chosen Hinata to enter the Pain Pit to connect her to the theme that she’ll later be an impactful player in forwarding. By having her face off against the antagonist that brings the theme to the forefront, it makes her transition into her later role smoother.
However, I still think the execution was weird and the product we ultimately got leaves something to be desired. This isn’t to say that the Pain arc is ruined by this scene by any means—I wouldn’t blame you for thinking this is a nitpick—but I’m still bothered by it. Hindsight is 20/20, but even without hindsight I think the scene could’ve been better. Kishimoto should’ve either chosen a character other than Hinata to jump in and connect Hinata to the theme in some other way(or use the character she’s replaced by if you want to completely scrap her) or he should’ve given her more time to be present in the Pain arc.
#Hinata Hyuga#Naruto Uzumaki#Naruto#naruto shippuden#Pain Arc#Sakura Haruno#Shikamaru Nara#Iruka Umino#They’re only briefly mentioned but whatever#Rambling#Rant#Sort of kind of#It’s not really a rant#Naruto dissection#Analysis#Naruto analysis#my stooff
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Part 1: The Clockwork Laws
Fandom: In Time
Pairing: Raymond Leon x OC
Summary: Rose pays her brother a visit, and Raymond finally comes clean to her about his past.
Word Count: 3,066
Notes: Warnings for references to prostitution, sexual content, and sexual assault.
Masterlists: Main • Series • Fic
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Chapter 6: The Truth
The prison was cold. Many of the lights illuminating the hallway needed to be replaced. Every once in a while, her shoes squeaked against the tile. Following the guard escorting her, he led her into a small room lined with booths, separated by a thick pane of glass. She took the seat at the booth that he gestured towards, hands clasping in front of her as the guard went to wait by the door. Eyeing the black phone hanging next to her, Rose bit her lip, thumbs twiddling.
A buzzer sounded, and the door on the other side of the glass opened. Luke was dressed in an orange jumpsuit, clinking shackles binding his wrists and his ankles. They’d told her he’d gotten into several fights, two of which were with guards.
There were two guards escorting him, taking him by the arms and pushing him roughly into the seat across from her before going to wait by the door. Luke looked her up and down and scoffed.
The phone felt heavy in her palm as she raised it from its cradle, settling it against her ear. Raising her brows expectantly when Luke didn’t move, he sighed, shoulders heaving with it, and picked up his own phone.
“Thank you for seeing me,” she started.
“Mm,” his eyes ran over the leather coat she was wearing. “I just wanted to see if it was true. What you’ve become,” his eyes burned with disgust and hate. “What a fucking disappointment you turned out to be.”
She ignored that. “I wanted you to hear it from me,” swallowing hard, she forced herself to continue. “We arrested Cyrus a few days ago.”
His face twitched, eyes darting down, sniffing once before looking up at her. “Is that it?”
“When we searched his apartment, we found a safe full of time capsules. He wasn’t giving the time that we all collected away, Luke. He was just taking it for himself.”
“You’re lying.”
“Why would I lie about that?”
“Maybe he was just holding onto them until he could distribute them.”
“The apartment he was staying in was way nicer than anything someone who is living frugally should have.”
Luke pressed his palm to his mouth, eyes staring at nothing before snapping back to her. “Why are you telling me this?”
“I thought you should know.”
“No,” he was shaking his head. “You wanted to lord it over me that you were right,” face twisting, he looked away again. “But at least I’m not some selfish fucking cunt who’s destroyed countless lives.”
“Wait–”
“What did you even get out of any of this?”
“I got my life back–”
“They’re going to execute us, you realize that, right? All those people you sold out to buy your way in with the Timekeepers. Our blood is on your hands.”
“You made your own choices. You knew what the consequences would be.”
“So did you.”
“I never had a choice in any of this!” she fought to keep her voice down. “You just decided one day to join that fucking cause and dragged me with you. I tried to leave, you remember that? I tried to leave peacefully, and you dragged me back,” her voice trembled and she hated herself for that. “I gave up everything for you and your cause,” her breathing was fast and shaky. “And you left me with nothing.”
Luke rolled his eyes. “Oh, yeah, yeah. Your precious paints. Your fancy apartment. A place with them. The Timekeepers,” he drew out the s like a snake. “Funny, how history so often repeats itself…” he cocked his head. “Is that why you gave us all up? You comrades…your brother? All for a chance at a job you never would have had a chance at otherwise?”
“I just wanted my life back,” she croaked out.
“I bet that you got a whole lot more than that for what you gave them,” his eyes flashed, a cruelty taking over his features.. “Did they pair you with Raymond?” he laughed, humorlessly. A swell of alarm built in her chest. “And how has that turned out for you, hm? Been everything you dreamed it would be? Finally had a chance to act on your pathetic teenage crush?”
It was a battle to keep her feelings wiped off of her face. She wasn’t entirely confident that she succeeded.
“Oh, honey. Oh, Rosemary,” his smile only grew at the way she cringed at the use of her full name. “Let me tell you something about Timekeeper Raymond Leon. Try as he may to leave it all behind him, he’s still nothing but a fucking turncoat whore.”
Her mind stuttered at the words. “What?”
“Aw, did he not tell you?” Luke’s eyes gleamed with mirth. “Raymond was a prostitute, Rose. The rebels often frequented him. Cyrus had quite a liking for him. He coaxed information from them…amazing how talkative some people can be after an orgasm’s turned their mind to mush. And then he went to the Timekeepers, and traded all that information for a place with them.”
Hand grasping so tightly to the phone her knuckles turned white, she gaped at Luke in silent horror. Mind spinning, processing. So that was why Raymond got so defensive whenever she asked about his past. That was why he kept everyone at a distance. Maybe it was also why he had helped her when he didn’t have to.
“That wasn’t your secret to tell,” was all she managed to say.
Luke shrugged, eyes still shimmering with joy at her distress. “Figured that you ought to know the truth about the man you’re in love with. It’s the type of information that you should have about someone you’re entrusting your life to, don’t you think?”
“What Raymond did before doesn’t have any impact on–”
“But he didn’t trust you with it, did he? He didn’t tell you,” Luke shrugged. “Maybe you don’t mean as much to him as you thought you did.”
Her lips parted, fighting to keep the combination of rage and sorrow wiped from her features.
“It’s okay, little sister. You got played by him just like the rest of us. You know, his little stunt almost got us taken down completely. But a handful of us escaped and we rebuilt. I imagine that’s what will happen now. We’ll be gone for a while, hidden underground, but we’ll be back.”
“Your organization was rotten to the core, corrupted beyond belief,” she spoke in a hoarse whisper. “Your leader didn’t even have a plan for how to restructure the system he talked about tearing down. Until that changes, the cycle’s going to just remain the same,” she took a deep breath.
“And you’re happy enabling a system that will hurt and kill people?”
Yes, she realized, shamefully. “You do the best with what you have. Good-bye, Luke,” she’d already said what she’d come there to say. There was no point in staying around.
“Rose–”
She stopped before putting the phone back in its cradle, looking at him expectantly. For a second, a shadow of fear slipped into his face.
“They’re going to execute me, Rose.”
Wetting her lips, she blinked at him uncaringly. “I don’t think that I’ll visit your grave,” she slammed the phone down before she could hear his answer, standing and sweeping out of the room, her escort leading her back through the winding hallways to the prison entrance. Bidding them good-bye, she stepped outside, hesitating for a moment as the sun shined down onto her, warming her cheeks and briefly alleviating the swirling of darkness in her mind. Arms wrapped around herself, head tilted upwards, she breathed in and out deeply, trying to calm herself. Her hands trembled. Reopening her eyes, she began to walk across the parking lot to her car. Sliding into the soft leather seat, she locked the doors and checked the countdown on her arm, wincing and collecting her per diem.
Hands settled on the steering wheel, she leaned back, head thumping against the headrest.
And then she began to cry.
∗ ∗ ∗
Eyes darting to the clock on the wall, Raymond pursed his lips, leaning back from his desk, arms crossing over his chest. Rose should have been back from her visit to her brother at the prison by now. Leg bouncing as he popped his gum in consideration, he huffed before digging his phone from his pocket and selecting her contact. It rang in his ear, steady buzzing that didn’t do much to alleviate his worry, before going to voicemail.
“Goddammit,” he grumbled, canceling the call and shoving the phone back into his pocket. One hand pressed to his chin, the other tapping his thumb against his desk while he stared blankly at his computer, cursing again, he pressed the button to lock it before standing and heading to the doors.
Eyes scanning over the parking lot, his brows pinched together at the sight of her car parked in its spot next to his, the light on inside. Boots thudding dully against the asphalt, he strode across the lot to stand beside her car. Rose was leaning heavily against the steering wheel, a hand covering her face, shoulders shuddering. Hand raising tentatively, he tapped his knuckles very lightly against the window. She jumped, head raising, and his chest thudded with concern at the sight of tears rolling down her cheeks, her dark makeup smudged beyond belief, leaving little black streaks down her face.
Rolling down the window, she gave him a watery smile. “Hey.”
“Hey,” he looked her up and down. It felt stupid to ask her if she was okay. “What happened?”
Rose blinked widely, then looked down, bottom lip trembling. “Nothing.”
His fingers drummed against the side of the car, lips twisting into a frown as he looked her up and down. “Come with me,” he said suddenly, straightening and taking a step away from the car door so she could open it and step out.
“Where are we going?” she asked, locking the door as soon as she closed it behind her. Using his thumb he wiped gingerly at the smears of makeup on her face.
“To get some food. I’m hungry.”
She raised her eyebrows, but followed him out of the parking lot and down the road. His gaze kept darting between the red and white sign of the diner they were headed towards, and Rose, who was wiping at her face, sniffling. He was tempted to put his arm around her, but the uncertainty of how she would react prevented him from actually doing it.
“Hey, um, I just wanted to say…” Rose trailed off, biting her lip. “Cassius mentioned that you were the one who, um, who recommended me for the job,” amber eyes looked at him shyly. “And I just wanted to say…thank you, for that.”
Clearing his throat roughly, he looked down at his boots, hands shoving deep into the pockets of his coat. “It was no big deal,” not true, actually, he’d had to fight tooth and nail to get them to agree to give her a chance.
“Well still, thank you.”
Glancing back at her, he allowed himself a small smile. “You’re welcome,” they reached the door to the diner and he held it open for her before stepping inside himself, giving a small nod of greeting to the waiter. He often came here at the end of his shift when he didn’t feel like cooking for himself at home. The food was only okay, but it was quiet and peaceful.
Sitting down across from each other in a corner booth, the peeling red leather seats soft, he watched as Rose thumbed through the menu. He didn’t even touch his; he already knew what he wanted.
After they’d ordered and the waiter took their menus away, he interlaced his fingers on the table, leaning forward. “What happened at the prison?”
Twirling the straw in her water, she sighed, not meeting his eyes. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Those looked like a lot of tears over something that doesn’t matter,” when she didn’t reply, he flexed his hands together nervously. “I know that, despite everything, it’s probably hard to let him go…”
“It’s not that,” Rose said hastily. “It’s…” she sighed, looking up as if searching for the words before finally returning his gaze. “I spent years of my life being told that wanting anything other than the barest of necessities to live was selfish. I had nothing. And…I guess I didn’t realize how ingrained that way of thinking had become in me. Any time that I buy things that I don’t necessarily need, it feels like the guilt is going to eat me up,” she looked at him with eyes that were begging for answers, for help. “I don’t know how to make it stop.”
Moving to reach out, he hesitated for a moment before surrounding her smaller hands with his own, cradling them carefully. After a minute, she turned her palms outwards, so that their fingers could interlace.
“It gets better,” he promised, finally.
“When?”
Drawing in a deep breath, he let his shoulders sag. “Day by day. The guilt lessens. Until, you’re going to realize that you haven’t felt guilty for enjoying your life in weeks, or thought about what you had to do to get where you are.”
Rose’s eyes pulled away from him, swallowing and wetting her lips before looking up again.
“He told me what you did,” she whispered. “To join the Timekeepers.”
Raymond felt like the ground had been ripped out from underneath him and he was suddenly in freefall, his heart leaping into his throat, the need to bury himself back behind the armor he’d wrapped himself in near suffocating. He tried to pull back, to tear his hands away from hers, but her grip suddenly grew impossibly tighter.
“I don’t care,” she said, firmly. “And, we can talk about it if you want, or we can never mention it again. I won’t tell anyone,” the resolve in her eyes told him that she wasn’t lying. “You did what you had to do,” she shrugged.
For a long while he just stared at her, searching her eyes for the disgust, the disdain that should have been there, but finding none. Looking away, he felt his lips pull down, eyes staring at nothing.
“Thank you,” was all he managed to mumble. “I’m sorry that…I didn’t tell you–”
“No, no, it’s okay,” she said quickly. “Really. Don’t worry about it. I get it. It doesn’t really seem like the type of thing you’d just go around telling people.”
“Yeah,” they both grew silent as the waiter came by with their food, and they had to reluctantly let go of each other’s hands to eat. Silence stretched out between them, but it wasn’t awkward or unbearable. There was comfort to just existing with her, even if they weren’t saying anything. “The day that I turned eighteen, my dad kicked me out onto the streets,” he said finally. Rose looked up at him, hand lowering the French fry she’d had half hovering towards her mouth, amber eyes giving him her full attention.
“But…your clock doesn’t even start until you turn twenty-five.”
Raymond shrugged. “He didn’t care. My mom timed out when I was little, it was just me and him, and he didn’t believe that he needed to support me anymore after I graduated from high school. I worked odd jobs, here and there. But it’s hard, when your timer hasn’t even started yet. And I didn’t have many hirable skills being fresh out of school…so…” he shrugged. “Some of the girls from the red light district in Dayton found me shivering out of the streets in the middle of winter. They took me in, helped me get…started,” he bit his lip. “It wasn’t all bad,” looking down, he picked at his food. Rose’s foot lightly brushed against his shin under the table.
“How long?” she asked.
“About…about five years, give or take,” he couldn’t look at her, shame choking him. “When Cyrus and some of the rebels started showing up, I saw a chance to get out and I took it,” he stared at a spot on the table, wetting his lips. “He was cruel,” he didn’t know why he told her that, maybe because he felt that someone needed to know. Maybe it would stop the memories that haunted him, of crying out in pain, face shoved into a mattress as he fought to stifle his tears…
Rose’s hand tentatively grabbed his again, squeezing his fingers tightly. When he looked into her eyes, the disgust that he was expecting to see wasn’t there. She just looked sad. “I’m so, so sorry, Ray.”
He shrugged. “It’s over, now.”
“Yeah.”
They both ate in silence for a few minutes. He didn’t want to talk about it anymore. Or even think about it. Maybe later. He would tell her more. But not now.
“Tell me about your painting,” he requested finally, needing to take his mind off of the memories attempting to claw their way to the forefront of his mind.
“O-oh, um, okay. What do you want to know?” she asked around a large bite of her cheeseburger. Raymond shrugged. “Well, I just finished this abstract piece that I’ve been working on for the past few weeks. And I just sold a sunset landscape. I’m thinking of doing something with a forest next. Or maybe a portrait.”
Head resting on his palm as he ate, he listened to ramble about paint types and blending techniques, lips pulling upwards. He probably looked smitten, gazing at her like that, but he didn’t care. The waiter swung by to pick up their cleaned plates and deposit the bill, shooting him a smug, knowing look that had Raymond internally rolling his eyes.
“I love you,” he didn’t mean to interrupt her, or to just blurt it out like that, but he needed to tell her, before he lost his nerve. She looked up at him with wide, glimmering golden eyes, gaping.“Wha–you–really?” she stammered. He nodded. Her features smoothed out, eyes starting to shine, mouth pulling up into a smile that she didn’t seem to have any control over. Her hand crept across the table to brush along his arm. “Ray…” she licked her lips, blinking twice. “I’ve loved you since we were teenagers.”
Thank you for reading! Please consider leaving a comment, reblog, or like. I always appreciate feedback and love getting the opportunity to interact with you and hear your thoughts!
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Masterlists: Main • Series • Fic
#raymond leon#raymond leon x oc#in time#rose mason#rose mason x raymond leon#my ocs#fanfiction#the clockwork laws#my fanfiction
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Kawi is flawed, genuinely flawed, but he is growing, accepting his mistakes, and rectifying them. Trying to do what's right. And I love him for that.
I am trying to love him.
I see what is lovable, I do.
He is a genuinely flawed character and that is good, he's an asshole and the show doesn't try to apologize for him, the show doesn't make it right or try to say that he's doing it because he has to but rather because he's never seen past himself and he comes from a place of being selfish at the very core. He struggles with realizing that other people are just as complex as he is.
My biggest problem is that I feel like he changes... I dunno. I feel like his changes are superficial in execution but meant to be deeper and I just don't feel it deeper.
It's why Kawi confessed to Piseang and I still would rather see Piseang and Max date.
Because Kawi's confession felt more like a desperate plea not to lose his friendship and companionship, another desperate need to keep someone at his side, than a confession of true romantic love. It felt like he saw a future where Piseang realized his feelings weren't returned and couldn't bear it so he will love Piseang to keep him at his side because he knows he can't keep Pear and he can't keep Piseang if he doesn't love him.
Does that mean Kawi is being less selfish and has truly fallen in love with Piseang? I don't know. I don't... I don't know, okay? I can't tell because my reading of this story is definitely just me. I get that. Don't... don't worry.
I do like Kawi more than I did but I guess I feel like I'm questioning every choice we see him make and how much of that is just my inability to trust a story by Jittirain (or even inspired by) because I've been burned so many times? How much of that is how many GMMTV BLs have seemed like they were going somewhere good only to betray me at the last moment (see: Enchante)? I don't know!
I do see what people see but I also see what I see and that's a little different.
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Hero Queen Lionheart
Weapons
Master Cleaver / Master Flintlock Pistol
Alignment
Good
As a Hero, she does good deeds for selfish reasons. The cruelty she faced as a child has made her both temperamental and praise-seeking. By doing good deeds the people of Albion love her but she doesn't feel any genuine attachment to them. At the Spire, her wish was for her family to be revived and was heartbroken that Rose didn't come back to her side when the other heroes left her.
Lionheart's legacy is that of a good and just queen, with her more brutal actions buried under the legend she left behind. She united under her reign by purchasing nearly all the land - with sponsorship from Reaver in exchange for a place in her court and the territories that didn't yield willingly were conquered. Her goal was to have a united Albion so that her children would never have to starve like she did. Being orphaned and left behind by everyone has left a hole that she tries to fill with things but no matter what she owns nothing feels like it belongs to her.
Before formally establishing the monarchy she married a Bowerstone noble, Albrecht, to help give her claim legitimacy. It was a business agreement between her and her husband and in exchange for becoming her King Consort, he would act as her ambassador and mouthpiece. Even into adulthood, Lionheart rarely speaks unless she's in casual company that doesn't know her or around those she trusts completely. Her voice is unrefined and she speaks less like a queen and more like a mercenary, so her husband must have more tact in polite company.
Albrecht, however, is not the father of her children. In another business deal, Lionheart conceived Logan and her daughter Marcela with Reaver to strengthen her Heroic bloodline and the chances her children would have abilities. Logan is Lionheart's favorite child. It wasn't something she intended but Logan was the first thing in her life that was well and truly hers, that could never be taken from her or leave her. By her second child, she finally felt more secure in her place in the world and was able to have a less desperate attachment.
Lionheart is a creature of revenge, having spent more than half her life wanting to avenge the death of Rose by Lucien it's almost all she knows. And even into her reign that hasn't changed. The cold realization that Theresa had used her, facilitated the death of her sister, and had her enslaved for a decade all to get her hands on the Spire has lit a dark fire in her chest. The latter parts of her life that weren't spent with her children were given to trying to find a way to hunt down and kill Theresa. It was on this path that the Lionhearted Queen was finally killed, having gotten too close to finally finding a way to put the seer down. Her body appeared on the steps of Bowerstone Castle, cold and dead with no signs of what was done to her.
The only one in Albion who knows would only give the future King a mysterious smile.
Perhaps it was for the best that Lionheart died when she did because if she'd lived to see the revolution led by her daughter, it might have been anarchy. In her eyes, Logan could never do anything wrong and would have supported all of his choices even if she was unaware of the Crawler and the darkness. Her legacy as the Hero Queen would shattered in the eyes of Albion's people if they realized that she never truly cared about them, her family would always be before the world.
If she had lived, it would be almost certain that she would have executed everyone who tried to rise against her son, even her precious friends. Walter, Swift, and Jasper would all come face to face with the fact that being a Hero doesn't mean one has to be good or heroic. Her second child would have never been able to sit on the throne unless Logan chose to abdicate, if she took it by force the hero queen would have forced her to give up her claim. Permanently.
And if Marcela chose to execute her brother? A five-star shock spell and a lifetime in the dungeon is a mercy compared to filicide.
I wrote this entire thing for that last section I was wondering how my Sparrow would respond to the revolution and the HoBW overthrowing Logan and the answer is. Not Good.
A lot of heads would roll, she would lightning the people who kicked her dog but using her as a standard to put down Logan? She would probably have cut Waler's tongue out at minimum. She just wouldn't allow the rebellion to happen and if it did it would still end with Logan on the throne after the Crawler was dealt with.
And of course her wanting to kill Theresa even more for manipulating her children and pitting them against each other. Lionheart is a good queen and can do good things but she not a good person y'know?
#fable#fable 2#fable 3#sparrow#her relationship with her husband isn't romantic they're like coworkers#but they got along very well and he was one of the few people she trusted completely#he's also aware the children aren't his he was there for the agreement but raised them as his own#logan and marcela also think albrecht is their biological father he took at secret to the grave like they all swore to#also I imagine my sparrow has a cockney accent#my sparrow knows that posh nobles wouldn't take her as seriously so she got herself a posh noble to talk for her#in my brain he looks like van zieks form tgaa I can't help myself#ofc the business deals with reaver were filled with spreaver pining and Thing Not Being Said becuase I am dumb and weak
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for a long time my Republic main was my Commando, Zekket (started life as a Twi'lek but always headcanon Togruta, naturally made the switch once available) who I've recently started to imagine connecting with Rusk post-KOTFE
He's not my story's Outlander - despite Vyzzir (SI) being my main, he's more on a fun journey to explore Dark Side options, his story in my canon has him staying on the Dark Council under Vowrawn - my Outlander is Jelrin Eis, a mostly-LS Consular - but I still imagine the Jedi Knight team becoming fractured in the Zakuulan war, so Rusk would be operating in his thing you find him in the Alliance alerts
Zekket, for the record, was in love with Jaxo. I enjoyed her as a love interest and wholeheartedly wove her into his story as his personal canon; he started as an honest-to-Force lightsider, idolized the Jedi commitment to peace and nonaggression wherever possible (he has a cousin who he looked up to who was very much a chivalry/bushido/honorable Jedi who died in the Battle of Corellia), always did the Right Thing even to the point of pissing off Garza, I think he spared every former Havoc member you could
Until the Thing with Jaxo happened
I remember literally having my heart pounding realizing what was about to happen, putting off the choice with as many dialogue choices as possible til I got the one where Jorgan was like "we're all soldiers. she knew the risks. there's only one right choice here" and he, of course, saved the prisoners.
This was unexpected to the way I'd imagined/played him, but the curveball honestly made gameplay so much more interesting....because that absolutely broke him.
I actually sent him to Tython and had him just hang out there for a while (in my story it was several months), when I played him I mostly did crafting/GTN stuff rather than any missions, because he was so wracked by what he'd had to do, and he was fighting hard to find the same clarity and compassion he'd always idolized....
....but he didn't.
He then flipped entirely. He didn't go like full-selfish-cruel dark side, but he never spared another Imperial or Sith. Ever. Not even surrender/prisoners/civilians. Took every weapon, took every harsher choice he could. He was still a diehard Republic soldier, and believed he was doing the right thing, but his rage and spite for the Empire honestly took over a lot of his decision-making
He also, not suprisingly, started ignoring a lot of command orders that tried to temper any recklessness; the same command that got Jaxo killed wasn't someone he trusted anymore, making him much more of a loose cannon
In my "endgame" stories for the fate of all my characters post-whatever-SWTOR-comes-up-with, he leads the strike team on Vyzzir's stronghold, and personally is the one who kills Crythos, Vette (my headcanon Vette romanced my darkside SW and had a kind of thrill-of-the-battle Bonnie and Clyde dynamic), and ultimately, Xalek
(Xalek's death is what made Vyzzir surrender; for all his lawful-evil Sithness, he'd never gotten over losing his brother as a child, and Xalek had very much replaced that empty hole in his life; despite having his relationship with another Twi'lek slave on Balmorra (hence Crythos's birth) I have written Vyzzir mostly as aroace, with his most important relationship being his comradeship with Xalek. If it had happened maybe 20 years prior, Xalek's death would have fueled a formidable rage that would have probably turned the tide of the whole battle, but with the crumbling of the Empire and his advanced age, losing his son, most apprentices, and then the most important being in his life all in the span of a single day was too much)
Vyzzir was fine with Zekket being ready to execute him despite surrendering - he pretty much expected nothing less - and was only spared because Utuli (ironically, Vyzzir's brother who grew up as my canon Consular, at least for the main story) was there. He'd assumed Utuli died when they were children, Utuli was the one who figured it out that they'd both lived; his main virtue in the way I play all his choices is mercy, so it made sense for him to prevent Zekket from executing him despite being a Dark Council member, though there was certainly a struggle with Jedi-detachment in him when realizing it was his brother
ANYWAY back to Zekket, he and Rusk obviously align on a lot of things in the way they approach their duties as Republic troopers. I could see them teaming up; I'm not sure about romance between them but honestly I haven't ruled it out. The idea of them finding someone who Gets It; of them first fueling off each other's bloodlust, but slowly starting to recognize how it was eating them away by seeing it in each other (seeing someone they care about consumed by anger and guilt and violence and realizing that they're hurting themselves and other people, then in turn realizing "wait I'm doing the same thing") and finding some form of healing in that relationship is something I find intriguing
Anyway I don't often post so much of my SWTOR story but here's a peek into it
#swtor#republic trooper#sith inquisitor#star wars#my fanfic I guess#zekket#vyzzir#utuli#rusk#xalek#crythos#vette
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Okay, I have seen 1x03 of The-Show-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named, here's some thoughts all in one post again.
So... my feelings on Crosshair are very negative and my feelings on Cody are very positive which made this episode a little bit of a rollercoaster ride to have to watch. I have literally zero interest in watching Crosshair keep being a fascist and being wow kinda not happy with the way his dumbass selfish bullshit choice is working out for him. I have zero sympathy, he had other choices, he's been given options by people who claim to care about him, he's continuing to be the asshole he's been since season 7 of TCW, I do not care, someone just shoot him and put him out of his misery please. I'm NOT happy that they used Cody for this, a character they knew fans were attached to and interested in, a character who got pulled OUT of the Kenobi show where he seemingly had a bigger role to play, just to be part of a catalyst for Crosshair's story. If we never get to see Cody again and continue to follow his story now that he's AWAY from Crosshair, it will be a complete waste of this character.
That being said, I DO like that Cody ultimately left the Empire and isn't dead. My assumptions for how Cody would be treated in this show was pretty low and quite honestly, they still are. They could still bring him back to kill him or just never show him again and we never find out where he went or what happened to him. I'm also realizing that Rampart could've lied and Cody MIGHT be dead or undergoing torturous experimentation and we only discover this later and that could end up being a final straw for Crosshair or something.
My expectations are in the GROUND here.
I liked the parallel of the moment where Cody is ordered to execute Governor Ames and Palpatine telling Cody to "execute Order 66" on Obi-Wan. This seems to allow Cody to CLEARLY put some things together as he stares at the body of this woman who trusted him, who recognized that she was probably going to be murdered either way whether she let the new governor go or not and chose to go out as the person who tried for peace one last time. She decided not to go out as a murderer. Cody just standing there with his weapon down, his helmet OFF, a direct contrast to how he puts his helmet back ON after Obi-Wan leaves and he gets the call from Palpatine, so he's a faceless drone when he makes the order to blast Obi-Wan off a cliff.
I don't know what this is supposed to imply about the chips at this point, quite honestly. Is Cody's chip still active, but there aren't any Jedi actually nearby so its effects are sort-of lessened? Is Cody's chip mostly INACTIVE now that it's been over a year and so its effects are lessened? Were the chip's effects ALWAYS sort-of laser directed at the Jedi but Cody kept his critical thinking skills which has now led him to sort-of think AROUND the chip? I have no clue. The chips were a really cool introduction to the franchise's lore because it allowed the clones to be individuals, but the more they do with the regular clones in this show, the more confusing they get and the stupider the chips have become. They should've left it as just "the chips overrode the clones' wills and personalities to force them into basically acting like the droids they prided themselves on being better than" rather than whatever this is.
The only other interesting part of the episode to me were Governor Ames' comments about Dooku and Mina Bonteri.
Before TOTJ came out, I PROBABLY would've assumed that we were intended to see Ames saying "Dooku was right" as an ironic untrue statement. That sure, the Republic was corrupt, but we know that Dooku was also a MAJOR part of being the reason it stayed corrupt, the reason it fell and became an Empire. That he probably didn't even truly intend for the Separatists to win the war because it just wasn't a part of the Sith Plan.
But after TOTJ and the way it chose to present Dooku, I'm a lot less trusting of Filoni's shows. I think we're maybe intended to see a certain level of truth to this, that yes, Dooku WAS right, the Republic WAS corrupt and look what it became because it was so corrupt! That the point is not that Dooku was ALSO corrupt as shit, but that the Republic maybe COULDN'T have been saved.
Ames also brings up Mina Bonteri and the events of "Heroes on Both Sides" and "Pursuit of Peace." Which... we can assume from in-context clues that the Separatist leadership (i.e. planetary leaders and senators who aren't involved in anything military) have exactly zero clue what's actually happening during the war. They have no idea what Dooku truly is, they don't have any idea that the Corporate Alliance is LEADING THEIR ARMIES, they don't have any idea what their armies are DOING OUT THERE to innocent civilians in their names. They're so entirely brainwashed that Lux can literally walk up to them and say "Dooku assassinated my mother, a Senator you all loved and trusted" and get declared a liar for daring to speak out against Dooku.
So when Ames says "Mina Bonteri and I tried to put forth a peace proposal and Palpatine just rejected it" it makes sense within universe for her to believe something so vastly untrue. For her not to KNOW that Mina was literally assassinated by Dooku before that proposal could really go anywhere, that Dooku and Grievous attacked Coruscant itself to scare the Republic Senate into believing that the peace proposal was a trap so they would reject it. It makes sense that she would've been lied to about all of that and kept so insulated that news of those events never would've reached her.
But again, I have lost all trust in Filoni's ability to portray things in a nuanced way, and so I can't tell if we're supposed to remember that or if we're just supposed to think the Separatists were right and totally good people and it's the REPUBLIC who was evil the whole time.
It would be an interesting moment if I thought we were supposed to understand that Governor Ames has been lied to just as much as Cody has, that her belief in Dooku and the Separatist government is as blind as Cody's was in the Empire. Cody promising peace only for Crosshair to shoot Ames from behind him, just like Mina promising peace only for Dooku to attack Coruscant, killing all chance of peace ever happening. It was never going to happen in either situation because neither Cody nor Mina nor Ames have enough power to be able to anticipate the betrayals from their own sides striving to keep peace from being an option.
But I don't know if I believe that. And so then it just becomes a flat, half-assed mess of a moment. Which feels a lot more in character for this show, let's be honest.
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Can I ask for a Chuuya x Child Reader story/Headcanons. Where Chuuya finds the reader whos a kid, preferably male but GN is fine and takes him in?
Ignore/Delete if not interested <3
Chuuya Nakahara
Chuuya Nakahara x boy!reader
Genres: ✨fluff✨, 😭sad😭, (?) 🖤Angst🖤 (?)
Warnings: orphan reader, parent Chuuya, insecurities, cursing, blood, violence, self harming, trauma, suicide attempt
Now, Chuuya didn't remember anything before the age of 11. He didn't remember having a family or anything related to his life before that. He didn't have actual parent to raise him, didn't have an adult to count on who wouldn't try to use him for their own selfish reasons and had to mature at what some might consider a fragile age. Now, at 22, he was a Port Mafia executive, had a fat bank account and lived his best life, as many could think.
Idiots.
Because Chuuya was alone. People were scared of him and he killed and tortured and many other things. He made it to the top of an ugly world and yet…
Yet, he isn't ever going to be actually content with what he's done in his life.
Because he'll always be the second choice. The second choice for Mori, as the man continues to seek out Dazai, his demon prodigy.
The second choice for Dazai, as he'll never top the effect Odasaku had on him.
The second choice even for himself, probably, losing sleep over reports, feeling guilt eating him alive as more of the men under him died, second choice as he didn't feel human and his loyalty didn't mean shit.
When he went on another mission of the hundreds he was already used to Mori sending him in, he didn't expect to find kids stuck in there.
Now, Chuuya couldn't say about himself that he was a good person or a kind one or even a nice, decent human being.
But he had a heart. And seeing 7 year olds boy in blood and evidently trembling in fear, waiting for death…
It didn't sit well with him.
He took him in without anyone knowing.
Now, Chuuya has never imagined himself as a parent. Not with the life he had, with the danger the Mafia life meant and with everything in between.
But he's always wished for a family. A family that would care about him without any actual mean to use him. A family that will stick for him no matter what.
The problem is, the kid is terribly and undeniable traumatized and Chuuya just…isn't good at this kind of thing or so he thinks.
Sure, he's dealt with a lot of things. With idiots on a daily basis, with a suicidal Dazai, with close to death situations—
But Dazai was his age. This kid—
He was broken.
Hiding under the counter of his kitchen, trembling and not daring to make a sound nor look at him, but clearly flinching anyways when Chuuya was in proximity.
It didn't feel good. Not at all.
So Chuuya did the best he could think of: he bent himself down on his knees at a what he deemed safe distance and looked at the kid, slowly getting his had down…
And used his ability to make it float in the air.
And the boy actually stopped trembling and looked at the hat enveloped in a red glow and blinked his wet wide eyes—
And clapped, mouth agape, clearly excited.
So Chuuya couldn't help the soft smile curling at the corners of his lips, cocking his head to the side a bit.
"You like that, kiddo?" he asked.
And, as if suddenly realizing what he's done, the kid covered his mouth, panick washing over his face, curling more on himself—
No, that won't do.
With a sigh, Chuuya deactivated his ability, the had falling back into his gloved hand.
"I don't know what those fuckers did to you, but they're gone, kiddo. They can't reach you anymore" and his voice was calm as he put his hat back on his head.
The kid didn't seem convinced in the very least by his words as Chuuya moved back to his feet.
"I would honestly rather you go take a bath or something than tremble here. You can do that, kid?"
Chuuya doesn't know what a kid his age is supposed to do, but the boy surprisingly moves from under the counter and looks at him scared and clueless—
"I…I don't know how to…"
Oh. That's a problem.
"That's fine, I guess" Chuuya couldn't help but blink. "At least, we know where to start. Follow me, kid"
And he wasn't commanding him or something, but with the way the boy moved, he might've as well, all scared as if a louder breath might make Chuuya snap at him.
This truly won't do.
"So, what's your name?"
He truly tries. Tries to talk with the boy, but it feels like not much progress or like he might scare the shit out of the obviously traumatized kid.
"I…don't have one"
He what now?
"What?" he couldn't help but deadpan. "What they've been calling you?" he blinked.
"2704"
At that, Chuuya truly can't help but huff. Wrong move, apparently. The boy flinched again.
"I-I'm sorry, I—"
"Don't worry, kid. Really, it's not your fault. Those bastards" he mumbled under his breath. "Well, I guess we can choose a name for you"
"We? A name?" the boy asked surprised.
"Well, yeah, it's the way I will call you so you better like it. Can't call you 'kid' all of your life and that stupid number won't do shit"
Raising a kid, Chuuya soonly discovers, is not easy work. Not it the least.
But the kid does warm up to him.
The problem is, the boy is clearly broken. And that won't be a problem considering Chuuya himself isn't exactly a good example of how a healthy in the head human being works. But the boy is…reminding him too much of a certain waste of bandages.
Because there are days when the kid barely eats and seems to puke everything. Because he's very ill and Chuuya has to get him to regula checks. Because the boy has terrible nightmares and for a good period the redhead isn't sure if it's even a good idea to get close to him or if that would do just worse. Because he doesn't know how a 7 year old should act, but he's sure a 7 year old shouldn't try to drown himself in the bathtub.
But Chuuya does indeed his best. Learns to recognize the sparkle in the boy's eyes when he likes something, the twitch of his mouth when he doesn't, the reassurances becoming like second nature the moment he steps into home.
A home he now shares with a kid. A home he found empty and didn't long to go back to for such a long time, yet now hurries to.
Because he's got attached to the kid—to Y/N.
And he truly does his best. Cooks what he finds the boy likes the most just to get him to eat something. Buys clothes that actually fit him. Has to teach him how to read and write and it's a slow process but it does work and…
And Chuuya truly can't help the way he smiles a bit more when the boy starts to cling to him, when the fear finally starts to disappear, when the kid doesn't find him a threat anymore and seems to open up.
And for the first time, Chuuya finds himself being someone who matters in someone's life. For the first time, Chuuya finds he doesn't mind making himself the second place in his own life.
So he's not the best. Not even close to. He's not perfect and he does mistakes and gets angry at himself and gets frustrated and panics—
But he won't have it any other way.
~The end~
I'm truly not sure if this is what you wanted or hoped for but I tried and if you want something else you can anytime give me details and I'll try again😅
#chuuya#bsd headcanons#bsd chuuya#bsd chuuya nakahara#bungo stray dogs#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs chuuya#bungou stray dogs chuuya#chuuya x reader#chuuya nakahara#nakahara chuuya
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i'm both desperately curious about bird mom and desperately sad about jin rusong. perhaps you can finagle a way for jrs to end up on bssr's mountain?
ao3
When all was said and done, taking the child was a mistake.
She didn’t mean to take him, of course. If she had a choice in the matter, she’d probably leave him, child of a bad fate that he was: her mountain was no good for humans, not really. It was too high and too lonesome and in the end they all left, even though she warned everyone who left that re-entering the mortal world would put them back into the grasp of the destiny she sought to prevent.
It was not, as she knew some humans say, that all her disciples were cursed, or else that she was so arrogant and vain that she imposed a terrible doom on all those who chose to leave her – it’s really much simpler than that.
The children she took away with her were already doomed.
Her immortal mountain was not subject to the whims of fate, or indeed of chronological time; her children, as she thought of them, could out-pace the imposition of heaven as long as they remained with her. Her first child was the son of a warlord, a cultivator turned tyrant, and he would have died a cruel death when his father’s camp was overturned, pierced through and through with dozens of arrows – she’d still had a foot in the mortal world all that time ago, and had come across him barely breathing, life seeping away before it ever started. She had felt pity, for he had been a charming child, a happy one, unaware of the wickedness of his father or the hatred of his enemies. It was for him that she first set up the child-snatching array, the one that took away children with cruel fates; she had been young and arrogant then.
When, in time, he decided to return to the mortal world, she had let him go freely, preening to herself that she had done a good thing. The child she had raised was kind and gentle, entirely unlike his vicious father; surely, she thought, he would be able to make a good name for himself, and live happily.
In the end, the arrows still found him – and cruelty, too.
That was when she realized that she could not prevent fate, only delay it: it had been her first child’s fate to die pierced through by arrows unnumbered, and that fate had patiently followed him, step by step, for all those years that he had lived with her, growing and cultivating and being happy. And for each year that she had kept him safe, fate had calculated interest, too: the arrows this time belonged to all the cultivation world’s, not merely a few enemies, and there were so many more of them; there were enough to rip his body to pieces, forcing him to die in unspeakable agony, alone and hated and betrayed by everyone he loved, his final death even crueler than the one she’d saved him from, so long before and also no time at all ago.
After that, she tried to stop taking children.
But she’d been young, and arrogant, and in her arrogance had not anticipated the possibility that she would regret her actions later: the child-snatching array did not require her contribution to function, and so it continued to steal away those about to die through the unfairness of the heavens, the ones with the most thoroughly unfair fates, which to her relief only occurred once every few generation or so. She tried through every possible machination to avert their fates, sending them out almost as soon as she got them or refusing to let them cultivate, but nothing she did changed it.
By the time her second disciple left the mountain – not her second child, perhaps her seventeenth, but the second one she’d trained up properly as a cultivator, and more because the child wanted it than because she thought it was a good idea – she’d already resigned herself to the reality of it, and warned her child about her doom. Little Cangse Sanren, a wandering rogue cultivator doomed to die in obscurity and leave her family behind: she had been a nameless toddler, still at the point of crawling around enthusiastically without a care, when she’d snatched her away from the teeth of some beast, and if that was her doom prescribed by the fates, it would be the same in the end.
No one will see your death, she’d warned her bright and happy second disciple, the lively one who loved to laugh, the one she’d kept on the mountain for decades and yet no time at all. No one will care, no one will know. There will be no glory in it, no heroics. It will be meaningless, and cause those you love much pain.
She’d warned her of that much.
In the end, it was just as she’d said. If the little toddler that had so enthusiastically crawled away into the brush had died on time, her mother would have grieved and her father would have hurt himself weeping, but they would have gone on; when that inescapable fate came to the grown woman, her husband died trying to preserve her and her beloved son was left alone and starving and miserable for two years until he could be found, and the traces of her doom dogged him his whole life long.
No – if she’d had any choice in the matter, she wouldn’t have taken this boy, whose fate was so very unkind.
His father had given him the name Rusong, and had loved him, genuinely and sincerely – and in the end he had caused his death, ancient sins coming due to be paid in full through reckless selfish ruthlessness. The child lived five or six years in the mortal world before the order went out to kill him, and perhaps his father thought he was being kind when he ordered his obedient son to drink up the bitter ‘medicine’ that would blind him and then kill him; it was a gentler death, she supposed, than the gruesome dismemberment of his corpse that would follow once the gentle poison had robbed him first of sight and then of breath.
Such a terrible fate.
She didn’t even want to think about what his fate would be like after she’d raised him.
And yet – the child was here, and she was here, too; she had that old arrogance to pay for, and he could at least have some joy before he suffered the worst sort of bitterness, before he died blinded and betrayed by those that loved him sincerely and still struck against him, reckless and ruthlessness and selfish. She would raise the child for a decade or more, alone but thriving; she would teach him kindness and gentleness and all the cultivation that she knew. She would give him that time, years and years, and she would let him have the joy of that time.
And then, in the end, he would leave her and return to the mortal world, where time flowed backwards waiting for him to come back, and in the mortal world he would meet the fate that waited for him.
She didn’t know why time did that, creating inescapable overlaps, the past self always just missing the chance to meet the current self – perhaps it was simply that cruel fate once again, forcing the adult to die at the hands or teeth of the same creature that they had once escaped.
Her first disciple died pierced full of arrows, and his father’s enemy had been the one to incite the cultivation world against him.
Her second disciple died at the hands of a fierce beast, and it had grown even larger and more terrifying when it finally came to claim her.
Her third disciple – for he would be her disciple as well, this young child who already knew the basics of cultivation – would die in the future just as he should have died this day, though whether the cause of his death would be because of his father’s Jin sect or the mad dog of an executioner named Xue Yang that had carried out the original order to execute little Jin Rusong or both, she did not yet know.
She hoped, for his sake, that he would find some joy in the five or six years of mortal life he would have left to him when he returned. That there would be some happiness in it…that it would not be only suffering, suffering and pain.
“You will need a new name,” she told the child, who was already forgetting all his mortal life before upon drinking the waters of her immortal mountain. “It would be quite awkward if you came across yourself or some hint of yourself and knew it.”
The child didn’t understand, of course. He only smiled up at her, gentle as a moonbeam.
She thought about it for a while, and then nodded, deciding.
“Your name,” she said, “will be Xiao Xingchen.”
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i've been on fire, dreaming of you
or alternatively, when both you and jean thought you lost each other
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anonymous requested: hello there! I love your stuff. if requests are open, may I request a canonverse post-rumbling jean x fem reader where y/n is wounded + passed out from exhaution after the rumbling and wakes up warm and safe, with jean tending to her wounds. Y/n is shocked bc she remembers how she almost lost Jean (she didn't get turned into a titan, maybe she isn't Eldian?) and she just shoots straight up to embrace Jean without realizing the intensity of her wounds. Jean gets extra worried so he has to gently guide her back to lying down on the bed because she has a fever and her injuries aren't all better yet 🥺👉👈 maybe they cuddle afterwards until she falls asleep or smth aaaaaa 🥺
pairing: jean x fem! reader
wc: 2.7k+
tags: angst to fluff, cursing, female reader, mentions of death, blood and violence, hints of blasphemy (?), mentions of injuries, aot manga spoilers.
a/n: sorry this took so long, (i was shadowbanned) i changed up the request a teensy bit but otherwise i hope you enjoy !!
⋆⋅☆⋅⋆
Hot, burning, searing pain is the last thing you remembered before your vision went black.
That and the sight of the man you loved transforming into the one thing you feared the most.
Whether it was the heartache or the open wounds on your body that made you lose consciousness, you don’t know.
Truthfully, you were angry at Jean.
It was a whispered confession on the Azumabito airship. You and Jean sat in the corner, Captain Levi and Pieck in front of you, eyes cast away. The rest sat in silence, reeling from the situation that had played out on the ground below, quietly preparing themselves for the hell that awaited them at Fort Slava.
Jean’s hands were trembling; you would expect that after years of seeing your comrades die at the hands of humans and titans alike, you would get used to the death.
This wasn’t that, though; this was a different fear and anxiousness. Jean’s hands were clammy and his face pale; you could gauge that from one look at the man next to you, whatever worries were bubbling inside him were the accumulation of all the events from the past couple of days.
Jean was a collected man most times; as commanding officer, he didn’t have a choice but to be stoic and calm in the face of danger. But when that facade began to crumble, you would be there to ground him, remind him of why he was fighting. You knew that if you locked eyes at that moment, Jean would be able to see right through the front you were putting up, see the fear etched into your irises as you all were hurtling towards your deaths. So instead, you made the executive decision to swallow that panic and be that rock he needed, offering him your hand.
You took hold of his hand, staring ahead, and squeezed it three times, a reminder for both him and you that at least you still had each other. You could feel his eyes on you after you performed the simple gesture, but you continued to look ahead, focusing on the clouds, knowing that a couple of meters below, havoc was being wreaked by those mindless titan drones.
He said it so faintly, so lightly that you barely heard it past the sounds of the engine reverberating around the metal cabin.
“I’ll love you now and forever, even when I’m a pile of burnt bones.”
It’s like he knew. It was his way of saying goodbye to you. And you ignored him.
You clenched your jaw and pretended that you didn’t hear, pushed it to the back of your mind because this was no place for hushed confessions of love and, even more so, goodbyes. You were sure as hell were not letting Jean say goodbye to you. There would be no reason to, not if you had it your way. The both of you were bound together, and goodbyes were never to be uttered between the both of you.
Even when I’m a pile of burnt bones.
Is that what remains of him now? The muscle, sinew, and skin that pieced Jean together all reduced to ash and soot? The body that you had spent hours tracing, memorizing every detail of scattered in the wind. You would never feel the weight of his body on yours again, be able to graze your fingers over the scars littered on his torso, feel the way his heart would beat against your hands.
Jean Kirstein would only exist in your mind from now on.
He had left you alone with nothing but his memory, but even then, it was plagued by the image of a senseless titan taking the shape of Jean.
You wished to go back and tell him to shut up, never to utter those words again. Tell him to get those foolish notions out of his head, slap your hands over his mouth, silencing him, so that you could continue to live in your deluded reality that both of you would make it out alive. Tell him that he was selfish, of leaving you here to endure this torment by yourself.
Would that stop the scathing agony you were feeling?
Maybe this was hell you were in, you thought. That you were being punished for ignoring him, that you were the foolish one. Perhaps you should’ve held him tight to you, found a way to fold himself into you, so you wouldn’t have to suffer alone. Were you angry at Jean, or was that resentment directed at yourself?
The pain spread from your chest to your arms, down your legs, coursing through your veins.
You should have looked at him, told him that you were just as scared; maybe that could have changed his fate. If only you repeated those words back to him. He would still be here now.
I’ll love you now and forever.
I love him. I love him. I love him.
Bring him back to me.
The silent prayer came from the depths of your heart; whether God or who knows what would hear it, you didn’t know, but the thought of having to live with this ache was enough for you to continue repeating the mantra in your head.
--
Jean looked at your unconscious form that laid next to his seat. If it wasn’t for the gentle rising and falling of your chest, he could have sworn you were dead.
The thought sent a chill down his spine.
Jean had made peace with the fact that he would die when he transformed into a titan. Seeing you, like this, however, barely grasping onto your own life, made his body ache; he was okay with dying, but the thought of having to live without you was a fate worse than death.
He reached over to grab your hand and rubbed his thumb over the back of your palm before grasping it and squeezing it three times. He let go of it, placing it back gently over the top of your torso.
It was time to change your bandages and clean your wounds. Jean was a strong man; he had seen firsthand what a titan could do to one’s body, but his hands quivered as they unwrapped the bloodied bandages from your thigh. One singular thought overcame his mind.
Was he the reason that you were injured this badly? Did he hurt you?
Jean had spent many nights tending to your injuries, his hands careful when it came to you. However, the cuts and gashes he would tenderly patch up would always be inflicted by other humans or titans. Never did he think that his hands would be capable of hurting you. Jean was disgusted with himself as he stared straight ahead at his hands, now covered in blood.
The worst part of this, Jean thought, was that he couldn’t even remember if he was responsible for this, or maybe, that was a blessing. Recalling the situation would drive him into madness. The man winced at the thought of his arms tearing up your body.
He reached over to the tiny side table holding the medical supplies, grabbing the antiseptic solution. Dabbing it on a cloth, he attentively cleaned the wound, instinctively checking for your reaction. You would always make a fuss when he would apply it, but Jean averted his eyes once he realized that there was no reaction from your comatose form.
Usually, he would scold you when you would pull back from his hands when he tended to your wounds, but now any response would be better than having to tolerate the silence in the tiny room.
Jean got up to clean his hands in the basin, warm water turning red once he dipped his hands in. This was his punishment; he would have to suffer the consequences of his actions. The both of you were alive; Jean knew that he should be grateful, get on his hands and knees and thank the gods above. However, why should he be thankful? It was cruel. The both of you were not alive by the grace of God; this wasn’t mercifulness or benevolence.
What good is living if you have to sit and watch the one you love the most deteriorate in front of your eyes.
“You need to sleep; this isn’t healthy.” Connie was standing in the doorway with his arms crossed. Although he was speaking to Jean, his eyes were transfixed on you.
Jean didn’t need to look at himself to know how terrible he looked. His eyes were bloodshot and puffy, his face pale and gaunt. He spent his days and nights in your room, never wanting to miss the moment when you would wake up.
If. If you woke up, not when. Even that was not guaranteed.
“I’m not leaving her side, Connie.” Jean dried his hands on the cloth next to the basin. He turned his head to look at his friend, whose eyes were now staring back into his.
Connie understood the situation; he wanted you to wake up as well, but it pained him to see Jean suffer like this, “Spending your days sitting next to her waiting for her to wake up won’t help her, Jean.”
“You don’t think I fucking know that?” Jean slammed his hand down on the basin, hair falling in front of his face. Connie’s eyes widened at his friend’s action; to say that Jean was frustrated would be an understatement.
“You got your mom back, Annie got to see her dad, even those damn kids found each other. I got her back, but it’s my fault she’s like this.” Jean gritted his teeth, lip quivering.
Connie’s heart sank; he had seen Jean at his worst, but this was almost unbearable to witness. He made his way over to the hunched-over man and squeezed his shoulder.
“It’s not your fault Jean. This is difficult, believe me, I know, but you can’t be blaming yourself.” Connie’s eyes flickered your form, and he clenched his jaw.
Jean shifted his head, sullen eyes peering at your face through strands of hair; the man shook his head as a sob escaped his lips, “I need her to wake up Connie. I can’t live without her; I don’t know how to.”
--
You felt a gentle breeze on your face and an odd pressure around your ribs. Laying still for a moment, you waited for the pressure to subside, but instead, it made its way down to your thigh. You tried to open your eyes, but it was as if they were glued shut; there was no strength left in your body.
How many days had it been? Where were you?
Questions circled amidst your clouded mind as you lay immobile. You realized that the pressure you were feeling on your body was the weight of someone’s hands. How badly were you injured?
Memories flooded into your mind as you became aware of the situation you were in currently. Someone had rescued you at Fort Slava, and you were being treated at a medical facility by nurses. No, not nurses; the hands felt oddly familiar. They were careful and precise in their movements but carried tenderness as well.
You tried to take a deep breath in, to gather strength to move any one of your limbs, but paused immediately as the pain in your ribs was far too great. Shallow breaths would suffice for the time being. You began to focus on moving your fingers, channelling whatever energy you had left to at least get them to move.
The sheets underneath your fingers were soft as you gently moved your digits along the fabric. The hands on your thigh briefly paused before continuing their movements. You waited a minute before moving again, this time lifting your hand.
You couldn’t feel the hands on your body anymore.
Whoever had been treating your wounds whispered your name. It was a man, but you weren’t able to recognize their voice as everything was still groggy.
The man sharply inhaled, his voice shaking as he said your name once again.
You mustered the strength to open your eyes; your eyelids were heavy and hard to fight to keep open. The room was blurry and far too bright for your liking, but you continued to blink, and soon, the details surrounding you came into focus. The figure was still, waiting for your next move; you lolled your head to the side to get a better look at him.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”
He slowly came into focus; he was holding your hand between his and planting kisses on the back of your palm.
Why was he apologizing? Who was he?
Your heartbeat quickened as his voice became more apparent; this had to be some sick nightmare. You slowly sat up and reached out to him to cement the fact that this couldn’t be real. Your hand made contact with his knee; he was warm, he was alive.
Tears were running down your cheeks as your eyes scanned up his frame until landing on his face. Jean stared back at you, eyes wide, your hand still held in his.
Your face contorted as you took in the sight in front of you; you were so sure you had lost him, and yet here he was. Sitting up fully, you used your free hand to grip on to his white button-down and pull him into you with whatever remaining strength you had. Jean dropped your hand, and you swiftly wrapped both of your arms around him, eyes fluttering shut to take in his presence.
A pile of burnt bones.
It wasn’t a dream; you could feel his heartbeat against your body, feel his hair against your cheek. You sobbed into the crook of his neck, ignoring the immense pain you were feeling, scared that if you let him go, he would scatter in the wind.
“Jean, I’m sorry, I love you, I’m sorry, I should’ve told you-” Your voice was scratchy and hoarse, still weak from the slumber which had woken from a few minutes ago.
He brought a hand up to rest against your head, “I’m the one who’s sorry; why are you apologizing?” Jean pulled away from you, causing you to wince.
You furrowed your brows in confusion; he gently laid you back down on the bed before continuing, “I hurt you when I transformed into a titan; I’m the one who’s responsible-” Jean paused, his eyes landing on the gauze on your upper leg.
He wasn’t making any sense to you; shaking your head, you frowned at him, “What do you mean? I saw you transform before I passed out; I got injured by the rubble falling from the fort.”
“I should be apologizing, not you. When we were in the airship, you told me you loved me, and I ignored you, Jean, and then I thought you died and lost you. I’m terrible-” You looked up at him through teary eyes; Jean wiped your tears before kissing your cheeks.
“All this time, I was scared that I had almost killed you, and here you thought that I was dead.” He whispered, hands caressing your cheek.
“You’re not dead right; if I close my eyes, you’ll still be here?” You brought your hand up to hold his, letting out a shaky breath.
“No, my love, I’m not dead, and I’m not going anywhere.” Jean pressed a light kiss to your forehead. You cautiously sat up before moving over slightly to make room for him on the small bed.
“Can you lie here with me? Don’t wanna let go of you yet.” He nodded his head before getting up from his seat to lie next to you.
You placed your head on his chest, eyes fluttering shut. Your hand traced the buttons on his shirt, slowly getting lulled to sleep by the sound of his steady heartbeat.
Jean’s fingers skimmed your side; overwhelming happiness filled his chest; he was relieved that you were alright and that he hadn’t been the one at fault for your current state. He felt you press a kiss where his heart was, and his lips curled into a smile.
“You know why I said what I said on the airship?”
“Hmm, why?” Your ears piqued in interest.
“Because I knew that even if I died, I’d find you again, somehow somewhere.”
You let out a sigh, silently thanking whoever it was that answered your prayers.
I love him and you brought him back to me.
a/n: i hope you enjoyed this !! any feedback is appreciated !! i tried something a little different than how i usually write, so please don't be shy to tell me if you liked it or not and what could be improved !!
also i apologize for not being active these past couple of days, my tumblr went haywire and i was shadowbanned, its all fixed now but again super sorry !!
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As always, please leave a like/reblog if you enjoyed this, I appreciate it lots <33
#jean kirstein x reader#jean kirschtein x reader#jean kirschtein#jean kirstein#attack on titan#aot#aot x reader#aot fluff#jean kirschtein imagine#jean kirstein fanfiction#jean kirstein fluff#jean kirstein imagine#jean kirschtein x you#jean x y/n#snk#snk x reader#snk imagines#jean kirstein x you#jean kirschtein x y/n#jean kirstein x y/n#attack on titan x reader#my writing#jean kirstein angst#jean angst#jean fluff#jean kirschtein angst#jean kirschtein fluff#aot angst#snk angst#connie springer
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