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kylorenisadorkable · 3 years

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How TROS Failed Rey

These are just my opinions and from my personal perspective, if these things worked for you in the movie then cool, but this is why it was never going to work for me.

A Feminine Power Fantasy

Growing up in the 90s there wasn't a ton of media that had female lead characters. I grew up with strong female characters but they were often relegated to being the token girl of the group (see the Smurfette principle), the story was never centered around them and we never got to experience things from their point of view or really get to know their story. It felt like I was being asked to relate to male characters but boys were never asked or expected to relate to female characters.

Just as young boys see themselves as Luke, leading the adventure I also wanted to see myself as the main character. I wanted to have my own adventures.

When I first saw TFA, I went in knowing nothing about the movie. I had seen the OT and the Prequels as a kid and I had thought they were ok but I wasn't a huge Star Wars fan and in hindsight I really think this was due to the lack of female representation, Leia and Padme are great but I never really felt like I really got to know them as people. Not to mention that these characters are 2 women out of a cast that's predominantly male, it just seemed like the message LF was sending was that Star Wars is for boys, yeah girls can watch it if they want to but this isn't a series that is meant for you. So as you could guess I wasn't really expecting much from these new Star Wars movies, but I was pleasantly surprised.

I fell in love with Rey's character during those first 3 minutes of her introduction. During this brilliant example of “show don't tell,” story telling they were really able to convey so much about Rey's character and personality, I really began to care for her and felt like I understood her, as I could relate to her loneliness and isolation in my own way. And I was excited to see a story from a major fantasy/adventure franchise told from a feminine perspective. It felt like I was finally getting the representation I wanted to see.

So what happened? How did we go from Luke's line “And I will not be the Last Jedi” which is essentially him “passing the torch” to Rey, the next generation, to “One day I will earn your brother's saber?”

As if the saber didn't already choose her in the Force Awakens? Why did they decide that all of a sudden Rey was unworthy? Didn't Yoda say “that library held nothing that the girl Rey didn't already posses?” which yes was a clever way of saying that Rey already took the jedi texts with her but was also implying that she already had everything she needed within herself to be a jedi (courage, humility, compassion etc...). Why did they take a step backwards in the last movie in the franchise? Insisting that Rey needed to train, that she suddenly wasn't good enough?

I can't say for sure what happened to lead up to this point. Was it just that the creative team gave in to the pressuring of a loud minority of alt-right youtubers and bots. Were they relying on Reddit and Twitter for public opinion rather than doing actual marketing research? While I think that this was definitely a big factor I think there was just a general misunderstanding of the characters on Terrio's and JJ's part to begin with.

What Does Rey Want/Need?

To know where they went wrong, we have to ask ourselves who is Rey? All characters have a story goal, or the thing they want. By the end of the story the character will either get what they want after some struggles of course or learn that the thing that they want isn't what they need. So what does Rey want? To understand what she wants we have to first understand her wound or past experience that caused emotional pain and interferes with the character's life. Rey's wound stems from her abandonment. Along with the wound, comes the concept of the false lie. What is a lie that the character believes about themselves that we as the audience knows is untrue? Rey's lie is first, that her family is going to come back for her.

The other lie she tells herself is the belief that she is worthless because she was abandoned, as she tells everyone she meets “I'm no one“ or “I'm just a scavenger.”

When Daisy Ridley was asked in an interview why Rey says she's “No One.” Ridley says it's because our relationships to people define so much of who we are and without relationships then who are we? This makes sense considering that our parents are major influences in our development and in how we think about ourselves through much of our lives.

Rey seeks out parental figures, thinking that through them she'll figure out where she belongs. “Whoever you're waiting for on Jakku, they're never coming back. But there's someone who still could. The Belonging you seek is not behind you. It is ahead.”

Rey initially believes that Maz is referring to Luke and when she later sets off to find him. She believe that he is going to be able to give her answers, and provide her with the belonging that she longs for, but Luke ultimately ends up disappointing her but finds comfort in her relationship with Ben.

This goes back to the idea that what Rey thinks she wants, Isn't necessarily what she needs. As JJ stated in the directors commentary of The Force Awakens, “So there was a very powerful idea that what she desperately wanted was belonging, which she’ll get, but just not how she expects.”

JJ and Terrio try to fullfill Rey's need through “found family” the family she finds with her friends and the resistance, but I think there is more to Rey's desire of wanting family that can't be satisfied by this alone. Finn, Poe, Leia are definitely a part of her journey in finding belonging but they're not the final piece to the puzzle. Otherwise she would have felt completely fulfilled by the end of The Last Jedi when she is on the Falcon surrounded by her friends.

I think part of Rey's desire for family, is also the desire to be understood, to be “seen.” Rey even tells Finn in TROS that “People keep telling me they know me. No one does.” We hear Ben's response in the trailer “But I do...” (which was cut from the movie)

Ben has always been shown to be the person who truly “sees” Rey. He sees even the aspects of herself that she doesn't like to acknowledge. Recognizing that her holding on to her parents is affecting her negatively and that if she really wants to “find herself” she needs to let go.

Which is why when Ben says “You have no place in this story. You're nothing. But not to me.” What is really being expressed is “I don't care about where you come from and I see you for who you are.”

This is why I believe that Ben was always suppose to be the final piece to the belonging Rey is searching for. As their narratives are intertwined. They both satisfy each others needs as characters, Rey's need to be seen for who she is and Ben's need for reconciliation and healing within his family.

Rey Palpatine

Rian Johnson said that when he began working on The Last Jedi, he wrote out all the character's names and next to them wrote what would be the hardest thing for that character to face. For Rey, this was that she needs to stand on her own two feet and define who she is for herself but JJ and Terrio seemed to have misunderstood this as Terrio states that,

“We also thought that Rey’s arc cannot be finished after Episode VIII. You can leave Episode VIII and say, “Well, now, Rey is content. She’s discovered her parents aren’t Skywalkers, or whatever, and that’s fine.” But so much of her personal story was about where she came from, what kept her on Jakku all those years and the trauma that shaped her. We see quite strongly in Episode VII that something mysterious and troubling happened to her. Although she did get some answers in Episode VIII, we didn’t feel that that story was over. We felt that there were still more questions in Rey’s head about where she came from and where she was going. So, that was the other big idea that we had to address in this film. Rian’s answer to, “What’s the worst news that Rey could receive?” was that she comes from junk traders, and that’s true. She does come from junk traders; we didn’t contradict that.”

Rey's conflict wasn't that she came from junk traders. Rey didn't care about “legacy.” Her conflict stemmed from her abandonment. Rey thinks she's “a nobody” not because of her parent's occupation or lineage but because she feels that she must be worthless because why else would her parents give her up? Rey learning that her parents sold her off for drinking money, that they didn't want her, was already a difficult and traumatic truth to overcome. Star Wars is a coming of age story, in the OT Luke grows from being a boy longing for adventure to discovering what it truly means to be a Jedi (following your principles and having a compassionate heart). Rey's journey is about letting go of childhood trauma and discovering her own independence.

It's also strange seeing as JJ had previously stated during The Force Awakens press tour that “I really feel that the assumption that any character needs to have inherited a certain number of midi-chlorians or needs to be part of a bloodline. It's not that I don't believe that as part of the canon, I'm just saying that at 11 years old that wasn't where my heart was. And so I respect and adhere to the canon but I also say that the Force has always seemed to me to be more inclusive and stronger than that.”

And there was still conflict for her to overcome. The one person who she felt truly understood her is now the supreme leader of the first order, will the resistance discover their connection? Will they see her as a traitor? All of this had the potential for great external and internal character conflict, but for some reason they didn't see this as conflict enough to sustain a whole movie?

Instead they gave Luke's character arc in the OT of having a dark side relative to Rey. “Discovering that you actually descended from your adoptive family’s greatest enemy, the same enemy who corrupted Anakin Skywalker and is responsible for the destruction of the Skywalker family in the first place, felt most devastating to us.” This doesn't make any sense to me as it feel like they just gave Rey Luke's internal conflict of being afraid of his dark side, I don't think this was ever a problem for Rey. In fact, in The Last Jedi she leapt into the dark side cave to face her darkness (her abandonment). Luke even says “You went straight to the dark and you didn't even try to stop yourself.”

The dark side cave in The Last Jedi was symbolic of Rey coming to terms with her darkness (the parts of herself she wants to hide). It relates back to Jungian psychology (which much of Star Wars is based on) that people can only become whole through understanding both the light and shadow aspects of their personality. So it doesn't make sense for Rey to be afraid of who she is in the final movie when she just finished a journey where she learned to accept who she was?

Rey Skywalker

Terrio says that the decision to have Rey take on the name “Skywalker” was a way to show that “you can choose your ancestry.” Which is not true and also a strange thing to say considering the trilogy started with this:

But even if this was just awkward phrasing and what Terrio meant to say was that she considers the Skywalkers her family. Does this make sense considering that she didn't have a great relationship with Luke to begin with?

I've seen it argued that she took the name as a way of honoring Leia but Leia never took the name or considered herself a Skywalker. Also this is another step backwards for Rey's character as The Last Jedi was trying to assert that Rey does not need to keep looking for parental figures to define herself.

So why must she be a Palpatine, a Skywalker and “all the jedi” anyways? I think this was done for two reasons, the first was because by killing Ben they were going to kill the last of the Skywalker family and they wanted to keep the name tied to the franchise, in case they need the characters for future projects down the line, so they just pushed it onto Rey. The second reason is that I think they were trying to appease the misogynists' who spent the last 4 years calling Rey a “Mary Sue” so they explained her power away through powerful male lineage. It just feels so weird to me, like the creators are saying that we should like Rey not because of who she is as a character but because of who she is in relation to all these other characters we know you like (Luke, Leia, all the jedi that use her as a vessel etc...)

Daisy Ridley has even expressed her frustration with the Rey's lineage debate multiple times, “I love that Rey is such a great character, they’re like: ‘No, no, she has to be… she has to be-’She’s her own person! Let her be her guys, let her live.

Yet even at the end of the final film poor Rey can't seem to catch a break as she's once again asked for her last name. She once again has to justify herself for just existing. Why are surnames suddenly so important in Star Wars now anyways? Shouldn't the correct answer be “just Rey,” now that she's come to accept who she is and where she's come from and shouldn't that be good enough? What happened to the message of anyone can be a hero? That you don't have to come from or align yourself with a powerful family legacy. That we all have the power to make a difference?

TROS seems to be constantly asking Rey to prove herself. And weirdly enough it reminds me in a strange meta way of my own experience being a woman in the fandom and being constantly asked to prove that I'm a “True fan” (whatever the f@#% that means...) to prove that I'm worthy of consuming and participating in this content that male fans feel belongs solely to them.

In Conclusion

So what did our heroine gain in the end? Did she find family and belonging? No. So what does she have in the end? A yellow lightsaber (for merchandising purposes) and a surname of a dead family? I guess she finally has an answer to give all the nosey nellies, obsessed with ones pedigree that have suddenly popped up all over the galaxy.

It's not a satisfying ending for her, as she's basically right back where she started. Alone, in a desolate desert, once again staring face to face at an old woman (an old woman which at the start of the Force Awakens symbolized her fear of growing old and wasting away her life on Jakku).

Terrio states that this is not meant to indicate that Rey plans to stay here, “The very last thing Rey would do after all that is to go and live alone in a desert.” but when that is the last shot you chose to end the movie on then what is the audience suppose to think? The bigger issue however, is that Rey's ending holds no significance to her or her journey. Terrio says that “In our thinking, Rey goes back to Tatooine as a pilgrimage in honor of her two Skywalker masters. Leia’s childhood home, Alderaan, no longer exists, but Luke’s childhood home, Tatooine, does. Rey brings the sabers there to honor the Skywalker twins by laying them to rest — together, finally — where it all began.” Tatooine, the Lars homestead and the twin suns, don't mean anything to Rey. You know who did mean something to Rey? Who was the one person who understood her, who she had an intimate relationship with, who she explicitly states she wanted to be with? Ben. But he's gone too. But clearly a light saber and surname are more important. Again this all comes from a lack of caring for what Rey wants.

I just wish that the Sequel Trilogy had stayed Rey's trilogy, that she got to be a heroine in her own right not because she was a skywalker, or a palpatine or from some other powerful family. I will always love Rey but I will always hate what they did to her and I'm tired of people invalidating my feelings and telling me that it was a good ending or that it was empowering. I just want heroines to be taken as seriously and to have all the same privileges as male heroes. Let them stand on their own without connecting them back to every male hero in the franchise, let them be their own character, and finally just let them be human, let them fall in love and have relationships if they want to. Male heroes are never considered to be less of a hero for having a love interest, so why are female heroes? Basically what I got out of the Rise of Skywalker, was that it was created by a couple of guys that loved Luke and the OT and could care less about Rey and that's truly heart breaking.

#rey #rey nobody #reylo #ben solo #rey deserved better #rey deserves better #bring ben solo back #I love rey #aTROSity #just rey #reunite the dyad

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marahrnndz-blog · 4 years

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A LIFE OF A ** YEARS OLD LADY

Hello there! Maranela is the name. Maranela ********** is my full name. Currently residing at ****** ***, ********, living dependently with my parents. I have 4 siblings. One boy and 3 girls. My 2 sister is happily living with their husband and the other one is on her 26th years but she doesn't want to get married because she always think about my future and im very thankful for that. She is one of the best sister for me. On the other hand, My brother is the eldest of our family, but sadly at the age of 35 he still doesn't have a wife nor a child. Why? Well i also dont know. So let's move on. I will proudly introduce to you my lovely parents. She is one of my precious gem, one of the gorgeous women in the world for me, and of course she is my angel given by the above. She is my mom/mother. My mother is always taking good care of me. She always think me first before anything else. She is always proud to me. Sometimes she is so overprotective but i know that it is for my own good and safety. Her name is *****. I love her so much that i can't imagine my life without her. So, let's meet my father. He is my king, my hero. He is always there for me when my mother is mad at me. He makes me proud because he is willing to do anything just to make us happy. Just to give the things we need specially me, he always give what i need for school and for some thing that is important. His name is *****. I love him so much that i can't also imagine my life without him too.

My mother gave birth to me on March **, **** in ******* Memorial Hospital. And I think she is already ** years old that day. So im very thankful even if she is a little bit old she carried me on her tomb for almost 9 months. I am proud, Morethan proud.

I love to read. I love to capture a beautiful scenery given by our own environment. I love listening to old but rock genre of music. I love watching vlog. I love to sleep. I love to eat. That's all i love to do. All of these makes me calm whenever i have a promblem to solve. It makes my mind calm to make a better solution and decisions. Let's move forward to the things I hate to do. I don't want to wait. Im not patient as someone you know. I don't want to talk too much when im mad. I don't want to eat some veg. I don't want to think too much. I don't want to always wear shoes because my feet is not comfortable. And that's all the things i hate to do. Even if i hate it i still do it because sometimes you need to do something even if you dont want to do that.

"time is gold" "honesty is the best policy" that is one of the normal motto I've ever read or been heard. But my saying is, "Think about your future before you commit". This is my own motto in life. When i entered the stage of senior high. I become more matured and i always think about my future not only for me but for my whole family also. I want them to be proud of me. For my parents, because if i will given a chance to graduate a bachelor of secondary in education on college. I will be their first college graduated daughter. I'm sad because my other sibling is not given a chance to go to college because of our financial problem. They go to work after they graduated in high school. So in order to fullfill all of their dreams. I am doing my best to graduate and to achieve my dreams not only for me but also for them too. Once i always think to commit on a relationship, My future and my family always pop up on my mind. And it always bring my sense back to reality.

So before i become a ** years old lady. First i become a kid. A kid who only know is to play hide and seek but now hide and seek is having another meaning to me. In old times it's just a play but for now its about love or maybe infatuation only. Aside from hide and seek. I am always playing patintero, luksong tinik, sikyo, luksong baka, ten-twenty, chinese garter, slipper game and etc. Together with my cousin and childhood friends. We were so happy whenever we are playing. Even if my mother doesn't want me to play a game for boys. I am still playing it. Because it can give satisfaction. Because i know i can. I know that i can do what boys can do even if i was a kid. But it is not only me. I have a cousin, she is also playing with us even if the game is for boys only. I remember when we are on our grade 3, my classmate and i loved to play on the rain. When we don't have a class and its raining we go out in the room and play with it. We slide on the mud and sadly when we are laughing so much because one of my classmate is accidentally slip on it. We are laughing very hard that time but karma is a bitch. Same as my classmate, i also accidentally slip on the mud but i am very luck because our house is neart at our school. It is jut like a neighboorhood for us. I also have a crush when i was a little kid. I don't give a name. Because he doesn't crush me back. My poor little heart is broken. I have a crush on him because he is such a cutie. He doesn't like me because he doesn't want my skin color. They call me on other name because of my color so at the young age i experience one of the types of bullying which is name calling. Even if i have bad memories, i still have a very good memories that will retain to be on my mind and it will never be forgotten.

But i still have a good memories to remember. It is still on my elementary days. Im on my sixth grade that time when the adviser of grade 3 ask our adviser to temporarily exchange their rooms. So, as usual grade 3. there are so many fake fruit toys in the classroom of grade 3, we played with it and sadly someone destroy those toys and one of the grade 3 students accuse me that i am the one who destroy it. So i don't have a choice because the grade 3 adviser is a little bit scary. So i ask my mother to buy me a fake fruit toys and i said that it is my project but my cousin said it is not. So my mother get angry for just a short period of time and advice not to tell lies again. Even white lies rather.

I studied elementary at ****** Elementary School which is our neighborhood. I have so many memories on my elementary days. And it's so happy reminiscing all of those memories. Well the song said "Memories bring back Memories bring back you". On the second stage of my life. I studied at ****** National High School and same as my elementary days. My highschool days are so much memorable for me. I met new friends/bestfriends that is one of kind and true. We build a good friendship and memories together until we need to go up and start the new pages of life which is the senior high school stage. I am still studying in Senior High School in ***. This school brings out the best of me. It makes me more matured to think. I also met a lot of friends here. They are also one of a kind. A good and better friendship is build on this stage. Im so lucky to have them and to be friends with them. My friends way back in Junior high is still my friends and i will not forget them. I will love them both always and forever.

"Conduct Awardee"

"With honors"

"With high honors"

That is some of my academic achievements in life. But aside from that. My true goals that i need to accomplish is just already starting. First is I passed in ******** State University Entrance exam. And the second will be the diploma i will receive when i graduated in Senior high school. And my family will be more proud to me. They will be so happy during that day. Im proud to myself for giving my parents a huge smile on their faces.

December 25, 2019. Our christmas together. Our first christmas that we celebrated together with my whole family. All of my sisters is here with their own family and with their boyfriend. I have met a new friend last december she is a cousin of my sister's boyfriend. She also loves to read that's why we've been close while she is staying here in batangas. We are so happy that day. My sister have a 'palaro' for the kids that end up super happy. She have so many prices to give. There are some winners but sad there is unlucky on that day. After playing a random games. They start to cook for our noche buena. But me i choose to lay on my bed and read on my phone the stories that i love. After i lay on my bed. I didn't recognize that i fall a sleep but it is not only me. The only awake on christmast eve is my parents, one of my sister and its boyfriend, and Ate grace. But the others same as me is already sleeping. But its all worth it because that christmas is very unforgettable and it will remains on my heart always and forever.

"We lived in beautiful word created by god. You just need to give importance to it and It will give you your unforgettable memories in life."

I am so happy reminiscing some of my memories. Even if its not completely stated on my authobiography. Because i can't remember some of the details about it. My memories from childhood will bring back my happiness whenever i remember it.

Now that i will leaving a stage of being senior high students soon. All of my memories here will not be forgotten and i treasure those memories forever.

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mikayla-jays-world-blog · 5 years

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Mikayla Jay's World...

Welcome one and all.

Hey friends....I thought it's about time for me to really introduce myself to all of you. I started this little blog about 6 weeks ago, and the first thing I should say is that I'm...well...*ahem... getting older. (I'm 45). As such, I'm a bit of a late-comer to social media. If truth be told, this is my first and only blog and platform that I have ever used. Ever. I don't use Facebook, I'm not a YouTuber or on Twitter or Twatter or Chatsnap or whatever else is typically used by y'all. This isn't about monetization for me. I needed a place to be creative, to vent, to learn, to grow...and most importantly...I wanted to find others in hopes of developing some sort of support network for myself. You see, in addition to being old (er), I'm also a proud MTF Transgender WOMAN. I am also bi-sexual, with a ravenous sexual appetite for both men and women - and each for their own unique reasons and dynamics. I have been an artist for mist if my life and career, having spent over 15 years professionally as a tattoo artist (I was attracted to Tumbler initially because of the graphic friendly, pro-art/artist philosophy...and the porn lol- at least until they took that away 🙄). I got burned out professionally about 18 months ago, and really wanted to follow a dream that has been sitting in the back of my head for years and years... I wanted to pursue writing. I've always believed that you do what you love, AND THEN you find a way to get paid doing it. But really, it's not about making money for me. It's about living my life on my terms, loving the person I continue evolving into, standing in my own truths, living authentically and being happy....truly happy with the life I want to live. And while I'm on the topic, I wasn't always interested in that. Living, I mean. The Cole's Notes version of my past is certainly colorful, but also full of pain and some tragedy- like many of us.

I grew up in a chaotic household, with parents that fought constantly and ultimately divorced. That was tough on me because I was close to my mom, and not so much to my father. Mom was a Nurse, Dad a University Professor. You see, I knew I was different from an early age. Thing is, my Mom knew too. She caught me wearing her makeup (because I would smush her lipsticks not understanding proper application techniques, and she got tired of me destroying them on her lol). So my Mom decided to show me how to apply makeup properly. She knew I liked lingerie, dresses, heels etc. I believe she also knew that I was not straight at the very least- certainly as I entered my teens and became a horny kid, it became obvious- to her. My father had his face in a textbook my entire childhood, and so was oblivious to his oldest son's (me) true personality. As such, I became very close to Mom. She was my best friend.

When I was 13, my parents divorced. My Mom needed a fresh start and my father made way more money, so we (me and younger brother) were forced to live with him. We moved to Maritime Canada- Prince Edward Island to be specific, as my father accepted a job in Charlottetown. My Mom moved to the North West Territories, and took a job as an Emergency Medical Flight Nurse working thru a small Native reserve hospital in Fort Simpson NWT. I was heart broken at being away from her suddenly, and bitter at the whole situation. Then my life really turned upside down.

My Mom, the best friend I ever had, loved her new life. She was finally really happy, and at peace with herself. She spent a very. fullfilling year up North. Then, just before X-Mas 1988, my world fell apart. My mom was on an emergency medical flight, and without me reliving painfull details, the plane she was flying in- 3 miles from the airport on the return leg, flew into a mountain. The plane exploded on impact, and my Mom was killed. That day, a big piece of my heart died.

I'm 14 yrs old. My mom, my best friend, my confidant and only person I trusted and supported who I was, was taken from me. The impact it had on me was simple. I was broken inside. I was in a new city and province, had no friends, was confused, alone....and broken.

The way I dealt with the pain and grief was to bury it by inside me. I became introverted, isolated, depressed, and scared. I was also trying to fit in where I didn't belong. Those of you that have never experienced small town maritime Canada, it's like Deliverence. Only worse. I had to adapt to my surroundings. The local customs and beliefs were not open, accepting or pro LGBTQ. The one thing I had going for me (at least then) was that I was coordinated and active. I could play sports. And I was a big kid. I believed my only option to fit in was to pretend I was like "everyone else". I learned to bury not just my pain, but everything that made me who I was. My sexuality. My needs and longings to feel feminine. To dress up and wear makeup. The happiest side of my personality was intimately linked to my feeling that I was born in the wrong body. I became sport-o. A jock. I blocked out and buried that part of me. And began living a life of lies. I became a "mans man".

Fast forward. I got big. I got angry. I hated myself and the world. I got involved in football and rugby and started amateur boxing. I became more confused as time went on. And more angry. Eventually after University, I moved out West. To British Columbia. Vancouver. Part of me wanted to get as far away from my father, Atlantic Canada, and my past. Part of me was aware of the progressive open gay community out there.

I ended up taking a job as a bouncer in a fairly violent biker bar. I immersed myself in that world, all the while walking a razors edge where I was "Iron Mike" on the outside, a tough SOB and all around bastard of a person. My confusion and anger over time grew into overwhelming dysphoria. I hated my body. I hated the way I looked. I battled those feeling by way overcompensating and going to the extreme other end of the gender scale. I became hyper masculine outwardly, and satisfied my inner desires on the sly, behind everyone's back. I engaged in many dangerous and stupid behaviors. I became a drug addict. And that culminated in 3 suicide attempts. I wanted to die.

That part of my life is a story for another time. But I will fast forward, for the sake of my sanity and yours. I was lucky enough to find an addictions doctor and a mental health councillor who helped me turn my life around. I began with grief Councilling for dealing with my mother's death. As I learned to trust the two women at that clinic, I came clean. With everything. My sexuality. My gender identity. I opened up about my risky sexual behavior (days and weeks suppressing and burying who I was inevitably would boil over and I would "blow off steam in the extreme let's just say.) Cyclical, drug fuelled gay sex parties were like a medicinal, almost spiritual healing event, just in a backwards twisted sort of way. My depression, dysphoria and anxiety would go up and down with my moods. I needed to change. And the more I worked on accepting myself, and battling the debilitating shame of feeling like a closet freak, the more I realized how wrong I had always been. How confused, disillusioned and unhappy I always was. I learned, slowly and not without setbacks, that I was not the pariah I feared I would become. I wasn't a freak. And I didn't have to continue to be......broken.

Over the past 10 years, I have grown and evolved. I began by accepting that I was gender fluid, and embracing it. My lifelong habit of crossdressing became something I refused to bury, and I stopped being ashamed of it. I consider myself mostly bisexual....with a definitive preferrence towards gay men and gay sex. I enjoy sleeping with women as well, but I really find it is a different type of sex, and my attraction to women is more about the intimacy. I emotionally 'make love' to women, whereas I like a good n' nasty fuck with a man...call me old-fashioned LMAO.

I also evolved in my gender identity, my knowledge and experience growing alongside my courage, and the belief in who I really am. I have grown to embrace the woman I've been evolving into. The amount of time I spent dressed up and living as a female grew more and more. I learned to truly accept myself, and the word Transgender. The philosophy, lifestyle, choices, mental impact and ultimately the strength and happiness that I've found by embracing that I AM A PROUD AND HAPPY MTF TRANSGENDER WOMAN has absolutely changed and saved my life. As such, I went through Gender Councilling, and went through the long and arduous waiting list/period to see a gender specialist doctor. I am so excited to say that I finally began by hormone therapy treatment about 6 weeks ago.

Which brings me to where we are now. I have just begun the next phase of my life. I am so happy and thankful to have survived and come through on the other side. Part of that journey has been learning to love myself. Respect myself. Believe in myself. I am so grateful to the small support group of doctor's and mental health workers who helped me learn to live my life as it was always meant to have been lived. And the other part is making sure that I can pay that gratitude forward, by helping other Transgender people live their authentic wonderful lives. That's a big reason why I started my blog. Mikayla Jay's World is a reflection of who I am. It is a place where I can thrive, meet others like myself, actually BE myself, and continue to grow....creatively, spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. It is a world where you won't be judged, and you will always find a supportive girl to lean on and become friends with. We are on the cusp of great societal changes. We have the ability to help each other through the difficulties still to come, and all be stronger, better people for it. Welcome to the world I live in. Welcome to a place I love. A safe place to be who you are...inside and out....and a place where we can all laugh, cry, be shocked, be turned on, be motivated, be creative, be unique, and be loved. Your always welcome in Mikayla Jay's World. Thanks y'all.

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dikalabnimami · 2 years

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Creative Non-fiction: Autobiography

A Book Being Written

Chapter I: first pages

April 29 2005, at 4:15 a kid with dreams is about to see what the world is all about. I wonder what his name will be? maybe we can name him after a fierce animal or maybe a name from the bible? Oh I know why not name him after a basketball player? Kobe, John kobe will be the name given to him. And so my journey began.

When I was born it i believed that my skin tone is quite yellowish. With all the anxious minds thinking that I have somekind of liver deficiency, thankfully it was just the lach of vitamin d in my body. And the solution on that is the sun. With all that scrimish out of the way as for the story being told on me by my parents, I was a really big cry baby it is told that I would cry to almost everything. time passed and I was eventually presumed deaf.

for when I reach the age of 2 years old, I still wasn`t able to talk and that made my parents wary with that fact. With them worrying about my situation, my dad actually fed me burnt ashes of letters cutted from newspapers and was added to my milk. Thankfully I haven`t got any diarrhea. And with all that when I reach 2 years old and 4 months I was able to say my first word. Well they haven`t said on what my first word is, but atleast finally I got to finally speak.

Chapter II: Life of learning

At 4 years old I started my very first day of school. A new chapter of my life full of learning, where I got to meet new friends!. And even one of them is my closest friend until now, She is my friend for almost 13 years now. We spend so much memories together, where one of my early memory of her. Is when she answered my test paper back in kindergarten because I was crying. And hey because of that i got to be top 5 in the class. So thank you for anwering my test.

With the school being close to our house. I have met 3 other friends that I wonder how are they now. Well I know where they are, one had migrated to the united states and the other one well lets say that were not that close anymore. But nevertheless, I have really fond memories with them one is when we used to race back home and I usually well be 2nd place because my other friend is onre really fast runner. We used to even have this trick to go home.

Because the guards will not let us go without a parent. We would stick really close to other parents so that the guards would let us through the gate. And every time we go home we would see our parents coming to get us from the school. And after we graduated we still stick together till elementary.

But with elementary coming we started to fall apart. When we rich the 2nd grade one of my friend had to migrate to the states (U.S.A). And after that When I reached the 3rd grade I had to transfer to the branch part of our school and that quite marked the end of our friendship.

Chapter III: 2nd half of childhood

In my 3rd year of elementary school, I got the chance to join our junior marching band as a snare drummer. It was a great experience for me for i get to learn new skill that I still have up to this day and of course i get to meet new friends or rather tighten the bonds that I have with my classmates. With in my days in our junior marching bands I got to participate in various parades in school. Yes it was a long exhausting day but the feeling of getting to showcase our skills as a young drummers fullfills my heart.

Aside from my experience in our marching band. Since I need to switch schools the adjustment for me is not that easy. A new environment accompanied by new people had been the challenge to me both in my acads and in my social life. But with those challenges i get to meet new people and actually expand my circle of friends. the concept of getting a high grade is a must, is still a concept for me that I haven`t gotten a grasp on. My mindset when I was still a young boy is to just answer things in school rather than thinking about my grades. And i guess that is the reason that I only got average grade.

Still remember the girl that I`m talking about at the start of the story? well even though I switched school she is technically my schoolmate I just switched branch of school. We still get to bond together, get to support her in either her pageants in quiz bee`s and other school activities. At the time we graduated elementary she actually become our valedictorian. And after we graduated we started a new chapter going to high school at the same school.

Chapter IV: First day high!

A fresh new start, new school and a new place. I think this is one of the chapter in my life that I had a bit of shock due to the fact that, high school is something that will be a memorable part of our life and thanks to 2 people that I had met and became one of my closest friend. My high school life was full of memories that when I look back on, I just laughed on all the things that we are doing.

High school had been the chapter of my life that I really get to discover myself on what I want to be, my ambitions and on what I am capable of. Due to this chapter of my life, I now have the sense to be better than average that grades are somethingg to be taken to account for. But despite all that the happy go lucky and the go with the flow type of mindset is still with me and that caused for some of my subjects to have a not so decent numbers.

But all this challenges made me who I am today. It build me to be the responsible version of myself, and with the help of people close to me I got to be better and to strive for greatness.

They say that high school is a life full of first. Well in that I did some quite if i were to say it “not so great” firsts. For example I got to experience my first cutting, my first osd record, my first time climbing a barricade just to play basketball and getting caught by the security guards.Nevertheless, I wouldn`t take all that back this experience made my highschool fun and full of laughters.

Chapter V: Covid strikes!

March 14th of 2020 I would not forget that day. because that day is the day that the world stopped. the so thought 2 weeks break became months then years and now we are at the 2nd year of pandemic. As I remember, we still get to go to school at monday before the break happened the day after. With all this news that a lockdown is coming we are all excited because we thought that we are getting a break, but rather just a challenge that we had to overcome.

Going home. I was with the girl that I was telling about at the start of this story. We get to talk about what will happen next after this pandemic or on what will the government will do about this pandemic. But none of us could predict what kind of havoc this pandemic will bring us. Many families had lost someone due to covid.

Yet the resiience of us filipinos prevails. This pandemic showed how strong filipinos are. That despite all this challenges laughter is still being shared through the smiles of peoples. In this 2 years of being by myself and my family. It taught me to be the best and settle for less. Being better than my old self is something to be taken to account for.

Yes covid provided us problem, but theres nothing that we could do but to just punch through and survive. Because if you can survive the hardest part of your life, you can walk through the rubbles of your problem. And giving help to people is something that we had noticed through out this pandemic

The example of that is the community pantry. Where people are free to get supply without them paying. As a qoute that I will forever remember that my father said. “ Mas mabuti na tayo ang magbigay, kesa tayo ang manghingi”. This qoute from my father is something that I will remember. And forever remind me to give the unfortunate people to try to make their day, the smile on their face is the only payment that I want on them.

#Autobiography Tobecontinued chermed99lang

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lizzybeth1986 · 7 years

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Before I start talking about this scene, I’d like to talk about the way Hana’s character has been constructed in the story.

There are two types of Hana scenes:

1. Diamond options involving her help in a task. The MC can achieve the desired results even without these scenes, but purchasing them makes her job easier because Hana gets to guide her along the way, as well as bringing her talent and expertise to the table. These scenes tend to lean towards the neutral side, usually limited to showing the two women working together.

2. Background information. These scenes often delve deeper into Hana’s past, and give us a better idea of her life in China, the dynamics within her family and the scandal that drove her to Cordonia in the first place. They tend to be more tender, more intimate, use softer background music, offer more options for romance.

The Cordonian Waltz practice scene is special because it involves a little bit of both. There is only one other scene like it so far (the nighttime conservatory scene where she teaches the MC Italian phrases), and that takes place only in Book 2. It allows Hana to pass on valuable information that can help her in the upcoming ball, and gives us a deeper insight into Hana’s failed engagement.

The Waltz

Are we able to wing it at the Nevrakis Ball if we don’t take Hana’s help? Of course we can. But we see the real beauty of this courtship dance when Hana teaches the steps to the MC. With her training, we get a better idea of the Cordonian Waltz: that it begins structured and formal with the box step and the reverse, and then turns flirtatious with the spin and the twirl.

During the most romantic portion of that dance, the spin and twirl, the MC has two options - to focus either on a spot on the wall or on Hana herself. With the first, practice goes on as usual:

With the second (“I will focus on you”), Hana looks shocked by the suggestion, blushes, and struggles to regain her composure for the rest of the dance:

While the first panel focuses on the technical aspects of the dance, the second allows for a more emotional reaction. If we played the cronut run with Hana, we will know by now that she has already started to respond to the MC’s touch…and that it is her own reaction that confuses her more than anything else. This is, quite obviously, the farthest thing from ‘safe’ Hana has ever known. But since when has being 'safe’ done her any good?

The Engagement

Chapter 3’s diamond scene doesn’t tell us much about Hana’s relationship with Peter, besides the fact that he pulled out of the arrangement a month before their wedding. Here, however, Hana describes to us in heartbreaking detail how the match ended, relating to us that it wasn’t her fault or his, but due to an ongoing problem that Hana herself isn’t ready to admit to yet.

The root of Hana’s problems with Peter, and then Liam (if she hadn’t shifted her focus to the MC instead), lies in this one panel:

Hana has been groomed and trained, from childhood, to be the best kind of marriageable match in her community. This is what she is meant to be, and meant to do, and she has been taught that her life has little purpose beyond her role as respectful daughter, and later on as dutiful wife. The disregard for Hana’s own feelings is most stark here: not only is she not allowed to love whoever she wants - she isn’t even allowed to view love as an option. Her needs aren’t even addressed, talked about, or given any attention to. No one ever makes her question her lack of investment in the relationship, much less point out that it is affecting her. She doesn’t even know that love is an important component of any relationship she is supposed to be in.

Contrast this to the picture of Peter she presents to us. “Raised with romantic notions about true love and a lifetime of happily wedded bliss,” Hana tells the MC, and she is essentially describing a dream she has been deprived of her entire life. Peter is a man of power, of privilege, someone who can control his destiny in a way Hana never believed she could. He is someone who can dream of love and romance because he is entitled to that dream, unlike Hana, who barely has any say in it at all. He can choose to have a relationship with her, and choose to break things off when he realises it won’t work out.

I don’t think he ever understood why I would’ve gone through with it. To me, this line is one of the most heartbreaking ones in this entire chapter. Because even as she says this, Hana herself doesn’t realise how trapped she is.

In these lines, Hana is essentially telling us, the reader, that she would have gone through with an arrangement that would’ve made her miserable for the rest of her life, only because her parents taught her that it was her duty as their only child. Only because she knew no other way. Not only that: she is willing to force herself into the same miserable situation again, this time with Liam. And she doesn’t see it as harmful. She sees it as “another chance”.

Going by everything she has been taught, Hana had actually done everything “right” in her relationship with Peter. She followed instructions. Accepted his proposal. Played by the rules. Displayed her talents, made herself an attractive prospect. And yet, despite being 'safe’, her engagement ended in the most disastrous manner possible.

In her mind, SHE is what’s wrong. The fact that she could not summon up the tender romantic feelings expected of her, could not hold on to a relationship that would have killed her emotionally, could not succeed in fullfiling her parents’ wishes at the cost of her own - makes her 'damaged’. She doesn’t realise yet that the damage lies in her conditioning, and in the things she has grown up believing her whole life, in her inability to understand her own feelings.

We know, at this point, that Hana is beginning to have feelings for the MC. Feelings that she isn’t able to fully identify yet, much less acknowledge. Hana has forever grown up in the knowledge that her life is meant to revolve around a man - particularly one who possesses power and prestige. There is a clear possibility that she may have not even known that she could fall in love with women. Her interactions with the MC are the first time she ever feels these emotions towards anyone - man or woman - and it is clearly knocking her sideways. At this stage we are witnessing a woman so deep in her denial, her confusion, that she cannot even imagine what she is feeling is real, much less articulate it to the object of her affections.

Hana occupies a pretty precarious space within the books. She is both the deliverer of knowledge, and the ingénue who is still grappling with her body, her emotions, her sense of self. She eases the MC into courtly life, but also learns from her how to express herself more fully. She is encouraged to use the MC to gain access to the Prince she is barely interested in, only to find that she prefers her company to his. She faces rejection and censure in her first few days in Cordonia, but considers it home by the end of the book. She starts out looking for everything but love, only to find love staring her in the face while she is still in her underwear. She is giver and reciever, teacher and student, woman-of-the-world and confused child. She is a treasure trove of emotional anomalies, and that is what makes her so compelling as a character.

Your View

1. Which is your favourite Hana diamond scene and why?

2. Give your take on Hana’s “relationship” with Peter and how it contrasts with what she is going through with the MC at this point in the story.

(As I always say, the questions are completely optional)

#the royal romance #hana lee #hana x mc #hana: diamond scenes #cordonian waltz #nevrakis chateau #lythikos #cordonia

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maddyanarchist · 4 years

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REVOLUTION 2020

Welcome back to the weekly series where I talk about book , podcasts, various articles & giving you an insight in to the things i learnt & found useful.

This time its all about a fiction book I read called ‘ REVOLUTION 2020′ which narrates a love triangle between three childhood friends written by CHETAN BHAGAT. This is of the ROMANCE genre so , I hope you like it & do check out the book. Its simple, have a riveting read , keeps you hooked in the entire tale.

The story begins with the two friends GOPAL & RAGHAV sneaking out in the class during the recess time to find something delicious to eat. Well Gopal is more keen when he comes to AARTI’s seat & opens the zip of her bag , inspite of being stopped by RAGHAV & opens her tiffin & have half of her chocolate cake cleanly dividing the cake in to two keeping the other half for AARTI in a way she doesn’t realise her tiffin has been stolen. Meanwhile when the recess gets over and everybody omes in AARTI is interrupted by the scale lying on her seat with chocolate cream spread on it. This makes her suspicious , she checks her tiffin & understaood somebody have stolen which lands Gopal in trouble. He had to accept his fault in front of everyone , & this makes Gopal think of AARTI ‘s cruelty over such a small mishap. He considers her different since she is from a rich background , while his family is somewhat poor. His mother is dead , his father was a professor & now he is surviving on his pension with his deteoriating health mostly because of the stess of his land which has been forged by his own brother , & this lands him in a court cases which is taking years of shut down. He is suggested by his lawyer to accept a settlement amount & be done with it. But his values does’nt allow him to do this. He shall not partake the land for any amount.

Meanwhile AARTI , even though is quite angry with GOPAL’S behaviour asks him out about why he did what he did, to which she comes to know that Gopal ‘s mother is no more so he does’nt get himself tiffin from home & has to take care of himself & his father alone , which made him do the small stint. AARTI felt bad for him & asked him to share her tiffin & that she nolonger has any problem. At first GOPAL did’nt give in , but after realizing AARTI was not that of a spoiled brat he considered he became friends with her.

15yrs later , when they grow up , GOPAL is seen to be the best friend of AARTI. They spend most of their times together in the ghats of Varanasi , taking boat rides , watching the aarti in the temples & passing time by the river.They share everything with each other & though Gopal seems to have strong feelings for AARTI , she responds to him as a friend , as she is not ready to take the relationship any further. This leads to always a talk of tiff between GOPAL & AARTI for their feelings does’nt match but whenever AARTI FEELS uncomfortable , he stops. He is impulsive but also the most understanding kind.

For the meantime , GOPAL & RAGHAV both are preparing for AIEEE the engineering entrance exam , while AARTI wants to become an AIR -HOSTESS. While both are trying hard to crack the engineering exam , Gopal feels more of a pressure whereas Raghav is calm & sorted. Gopal wants to do a simple BACHELOR’S IN SCIENCE degree , but his father wants to become an engineer. Gopal cannot deny his father wish , & wants to please him & give him the comfort he needs in his life , for they have not seen anything except poverty. Finally they give their exams , Raghav gets quite a decent rank which grants him admission in to BHU( BENARAS HINDU UNIVERSITY ) where he can study his engineering , but GOPAL fails the exam. This makes him upset for everybody in VARANSI is all praise about RAGHAV , incluiding AARTI. He feels a lot jealous & decides to quit his engineering dream , but having expressed his wish to his father , he is emotionally compelled by him to go to KOTA & take coaching so that he can clear in his second attempt. Though he is not willing to leave his father in his detoriating health & moreover AARTI whom he has fallen in love , he had to do in order to fullfil his father’s wish.

He lands up in KOTA , RAJASTHAN gets himself in to a coaching institute & studies hard to get in to top 25% in the class. But during this time , his relationship with AARTI strained , since he became more insecure after her friendship with RAGHAV. But , after few months when she confessed about her feelings for RAGHAV , & how they have fallen for each other , this makes GOPAL have a harsh talk with AARTI wherein he abuses her with words. This holds off their friendship fo more than months , until it was GOPAL ‘S birthday wherein AARTI phoned him to wish him HAPPY BIRTHDAY. They resumed their friendship again & GOPAL if not willing to still accepts the bitter truth of both of their relationship, gives in. AFTER a year , gives his exams for the second time for AIEEE & JEE . He goes back to VARANASI , spends some time along with RAGHAV & AARTI , wherein he comes to know that RAGHAV IS JUST DOING ENGINEERING for the sake of his parents recognition & that he wants to pursue journalism instead ,encourages him to work as an intern in a daily newspaper against his family's wishes. Gopal finds RAGHAV stupid at the idea of giving everything for his passion which may not make him rich , but he remains silent. The results are out & GOPAL fails for the second time , making his father upset who stops talking to GOPAL since he considers he must not have given his 100% dedication. After a day or two GOPAL strives up the courage to confront his father whom he finds dead in his bed , feet completely cold. He is completely broken , but manages to do all the rituals and bid goodbye to his father. he also realizes that his father have left a debt of 2lakh to be paid which was borrowed for his coaching .He does want to get settled with the land deal which has been in hang for years , but when his uncle decides to give him such a low share for the land , he restrains a bit. He strolls in the career fair to get himself inducted in to a college to complete a degree , but it takes him time to decide & choose among them.

During this time , he gets in to contact with SUNIL who is a close friend of one of his friends in KOTA. Sunil is actually trying to help out Gopal in his pursuit of choosing a decent college. Meantime , they stroll for a bit in a coffee shop , wherein SUNIL comes to know about the land deal of GOPAL which he is struggling with . This triggers SUNIL who has a plan to get his land off from his uncle and even having a great business idea , for which they might need help from THE MLA of the town MR SHULKA , for whom he has worked before. The next day GOPAL meets SHULKA JI who agrees to help him with the land , but has a condition of using 15 acres of the land for building a college which will be run by GOPAL as the director of the college, and making SHUKLA JI as one of the trustees.

Though Gopal thinks about for a bit , feeling a liile suspicious but in his present situation , for the first time in his life somebody has offered him help , so he gives in. As said he is able to get the land from the clutches of his uncle & thereon begins his dream of starting the college & becoming rich. This leads him to give a lot of bribing to legalise all the paperwork , registration etc etc. During this time, RAGHAV has also graduated & has his engineering degree , gets a decent job at Infosys , but he rejects the job , for he wants to pursue his passion in journalism for he has a belief REVOLUTION is needed more than anything in INDIA , to speak the voices unheard , opinions which have been manipulated. He manages to get a job at DAINIK, as the editor. Gopal had already finished most of the construction of the college , but also wants to promote the college , so as to give a good picture in front of the people, so decides to approach DAINIK , but finding RAGHAV there struggling with a cubicle job , he feels a little pleased as he considers himself in a better situation than Raghav. Raghav decides to do the story for GOPAL .

Gopal gives all the details of his PROJECT named GANGA TECH ENGINEERING COLLEGE related to all course details , placements etc. At the end RAGHAV asks questions regarding SHUKLA ji ‘s connection with the college to which GOPAL REGARDS him the one who does funding for him & is one of the trustees. But after having questioned further about SHUKLA JI , Gopal decides not to comment any further , for that’s not his business. The next day when an article is printed in the DAINIK newspaper talking about GANGAL TECH wherein RAGHAV does raise a question about the connceting link between GANGAL ACTION PLAN SCAM IN VARANASI & THE GANGAL TECH . Reading this news Shukla ji feels infuriated about the objectioning raise against him for the corruption behind the scam. He uses his powers to fire RAGHAV from his job , but this does’nt stop RAGHAV in his determination to prove his point the next time with all due evidence. This also bitters the friendship between GOPAL & RAGHAV as GOPAL now considers RAGHAV more as a competitor than just friend. Raghav meanwhile starts his short newspaper funded by himself & attaching his article behind the pamplets of MATRIMONIALS which may look more attractive & carry people’s attention. He names the newspaper ‘ REVOLUTION2020′. In a span of 6 months as promised he comes out with all proper evidences wherein all of SHUKLA JI ‘S evil actions are exposed, how he used government funding to fill his pockets & not intending to clean the GANGA OF the sewage which was intented to . The sewage is leading to death of several infants & is deteoriating lives of millions. As expected , it did catch the eye of several people , bringing the MLA in danger who has to voluntarily give up his seat on the advice of the CM who does’nt want to malign his reputation because of the MLA ‘s carelessness. Media did create the hype & SHUKLA in no time has to give up his seat & land himself in the jail in order to save himself from people’s eyes so that when time comes , he is back. Gopal meantime even stressed about SHUKLA JI ‘S arrest , on the other hand is stunned at RAGHAV ‘S brilliant investigation. Even if SHUKLA ji is in jail he makes sure GANGA TECH IS SAFE for that is one of his few projects which were the most clean in intention & might help to get his seat back.

Meantime, RAGHAV because of being absorbed in his work too much upsets AARTI a lot who is now working in hospiatlity management since her family didn’t allow her to become the air hostess. She currently works in RAMADA HOTEL . As the distance between her & raghav increases, she seems to feel more drawn towards GOPAL. Even if GOPAL had accepted her and RAGHAV’S realtionship , he seems to still feel the same emotion for her . Raghav after having done the stint was overtaken by SHUKLAJI 's goons who seemed to destroy all his office & the little technology he owned. He is now in complete tatters for there is nothing left to start over all again , yet he struggles to keep with his work.

During such time , GOPAL seems to get close to AARTI who infact reciprocate his feelings , & they both get intimate. AARTI hesitates & feels guilt for the time for being disloyal to RAGHAV , but little did she realise that she has fallen for GOPAL & now wants to be with him, so she decides to confront RAGHAV . Though she is not with RAGHAV she doesn't want to hurt him in this situation as she still respects for the kind of person he is and the passion that he strives within. But she is itervened by GOPAL who wants to talk to RAGHAV face to face. So he intends to meet him in RAGHAV ‘S office taking the BLACK MERCEDES with him to show his worth. But when he reached there , he heard a conversation of RAGHAV with a poor fellow who has lost all his family because of the containment of his village due to sewage & how he eagerly needs RAGHAV to show his story. The poor lad believes RAGHAV is the only person who has the dare to speak the truth out. Though RAGHAV does’nt give in at first , for he is himself in such a situation wherein he does’nt how long his business would survive , but after all the pleading & requests he decides to give in & shoot his story out. This paticular conversaton made GOPAL realise his own worth, for he was struggling all these years to become rich & even after having achieved so much through the evil means , for the first time he is not able to face himself. He also couldn't forget that how hopeless he and his father were when they were poor and seeing the same reaction in the lad's eyes, he felt distressed. He also feels the need to change for having done so much brubering made him feel sick at one time. He realises that AARTI does’nt know anything about the ways he had to take to become bigger & how she respects her being clean & faithful. He tries to spill RAGHAV the truth but his conscience came in between & he could ‘nt say anything. He felt himself more smaller in front of him.

Now the people want DM PRADHAN who is AARTI’S father to become the next MLA , to which he rejects the idea. Even Aarti does’nt intend to join poiltics , so only her husband will have the privilege to become the same. This was what was intended by SHULKA who wanted GOPAL to be the MLA , as he considers him more like his son. But GOPAL having changed ,has some other plan. On the eve of his birthday he decides something surprising for AARTI. AARTI has also planned something surprising without letting GOPAL get a hint about it. But somehow Gopal learns about her surprise from one of her colleagues. He decides to call two prostitutes at the same time & pretends to having a scene with the both of them which breaks AARTI’S heart who after seeing him in such a position, she feels betrayed and cheated.

GOPAL also keeps it a secret that RAGHAV gets his job back at DAINIK due to his recommendation. He converses the next day with RAGHAV how he should be giving AARTI the time , she deserves , for she just wants a little bit of care & attention from him that would mean the world to her. RAGHAV realises his mistakes and decides to redemm. Gopal also gives a hint to RAGHAV about the next MLA becoming the son in law of DM PRADHAN through which he can fullfil his dream of the revolution he intends to bring.

Few months later , RAGHAV & AARTI GET marred. Inspite of repeated requests by RAGHAV gopal does’nt attend their marriage pretending to be busy , which he was not. He infact booked a room in RAMADA & watched the both of them , but could’nt control himself further & broke down on his knees in a drunken state. He calls for the DEAN of his college & request to take him away from here & making him more busy in his work so that he does’nt have anytime to think about anything. For he wanted nothing other than the lady he loved the most in his life , but he also wanted her to be with someone she deserves to.

Years later , when he narrated the story to the author being laid in the hospital for his drinking problem , he just aks one question , ‘ AM I A GOOD HUMAN?’

LESSON LEARNT:

IT’S ALL ABOUT LETTING GO , WHEN YOU HAVE THE COURAGE TO LOOK BACK AND THINK WHETHER YOU ARE THE ONE WHO DESERVES THE LOVE. TIME PASSES, THE LOVE STILL REMAINS. SOMEBODY HAS TO BEAR THE PAIN , IF HE /SHE IS TRUE TO HIMSELF AND TO THEIR PARTNER. IF YOU ARE NOT TRUE TO SOMEONE ELSE ATLEAST BE TRUE TO YOURSELF. LIVING WITH A GUILT IS A LIFE FULL OF CURSE.

#LOVEFICTIONREALITYTRUTH

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tumblunni · 6 years

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Huh, I learned a fact! Apparantly the japanese actually have a word for a particular relateable childhood thing. “Chuunibyou” or “eighth grade syndrome”, for the type of kid/young teen who makes up clearly false lies to sound cooler, and/or gets really into cartoons and games and stuff and pretends to be a superhero. But it could also just apply to any sort of ‘I have a secret, I’m only pretending to be socially awkward cos I’m a secret spy staying undercover!’ type of thing. The definition I was reading mentioned how the ‘i’m totally a gangster, i could totally kick your ass’ and ‘my uncle works at nintendo’ and ‘i’m totally rich and know all these models and have a girlfriend that’s just working abroad’ type stuff from later years of high school can also count. And honestly I think the more uniquely american ‘I buy so many guns and I’m sure that some day some sort of crazy liberal will attack me and i’ll totally save everyone from them and prove my guns were totally necessary’ type forty year old should count.

Anyway, I can relate to the cutesy eighth grade version, I used to pretend I was ‘a monster’ as a kid cos like.. that was the only way i could understand my undiagnosed autism. I must be some sort of changeling child or evil invader from space, that’s why i don’t act human enough. Like.. everyone was right to hate me, and the only consolation was a stupid made up hope that the magic aliens would come for me and take me back to my real family. But I never actually believed it, i just thought it was a fun story to doodle stuff for, and to distract myself from the fact that I didn’t have a real answer to any of these questions. And like lol sometimes it helped me make friends if I found people who were interested in the stupid story, and also it kinda helped weed out the assholes who’d make fun of me for like.. being a kid, playing games like a kid. Dude stop acting like you’re so mature, we’re both twelve! But then I remember how I kinda WISHED I could believe in it, or believe in anything, honestly. My parents’s religion didn’t help me feel better, just told me to be more ashamed of all the inhuman parts of my brain that I was scared about. So I guess crossing my fingers every night and hoping for some sort of stupid tv show thing to happen- ANY stupid tv show thing to happen!- was the only coping method I had. And I used to count numbers of bricks in walls or on barcodes or try and find trees that looked like faces or LITERALLY ANY OTHER SIGN THAT COULD MEAN ANYTHING EVER, and be like ‘maybe this is gonna tell me how long I have to wait til the magic thing happens’ And its funny cos I thought that some reality-shattering impossible thing would have to happen to let me be free from my abusive parents, and find out what’s wrong with my brain and somehow deal with it. But really I should have just been counting down to age 18 when i could just legally leave and enter a homeless shelter and have my own power over what doctor i see and stuff. And it happened and everything exploded and my life was better in a far more ordinary way! *shrug*

So yeah I think that’s when my stories first started becoming Actually Reasonably Decent, cos they weren’t just constant self insert crossovers with everything and super depressing stories of Everyone The Me and The Reason Why I Am Hateable, dressed up in a million sneaky spy hats. Like man i still remember I had some story idea about a kid who got murdered for being mentally ill and then strung up in a field as a scarecrow and then he came back as a scarecrow zombie and then... he just found a new loving family and had Completely Normal Life Adventures. lol so many of my wish fullfillment stories weren’t even anything exciting but just I Am An Evil Monster And I Get A Hug From Someone, Possibly So I mean my life isn’t perfect or anything but I’ve kinda been devoid of dreams for the last seven years. I had very little other aspirations beyond escaping the dad, and finding out why I was weird and different. I guess that’s why I’m happy with a life most people would consider shitty and ordrinary, but personally I find it a good policy to forever be wowed by the beauty in all normal things! I mean I was so constantly panicked its like i never really looked at anything until I was free! Also, it is more fun to write stories about literally anything else, and work on developing characters with their own individual personalities and stuff. It’s a good side effect that I’ve still remained very interested in writing, even after I don’t need to make up my own happy ending anymore!

#blunni thoughts #rambleramble #man i talk too much

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halforc-mercenary · 7 years

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→ scary stories to tell in the dark

Send “Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark” for my muse totell your muse a scary story or an urban legend.

With her eyes narrowed to thin slits Mar looked over to theForsaken- the small corpse, the dead child- who wassitting opposite of her with his thin back leaned against thesidewall of the cart, mirroring the Halforcs position. The Mercenarywas thinking, her ears moved up and down like the ears of aindecisively deer until she evntually started to talk:“One nightthere were two carpenter walking from their workshop to their homes.One was the master and the other his pupil. It was a dark night, themoon was just as small and cold as the far away stars above, so theyhad decided it was safer to walk together. Even thought they wereboth not old, their backs were already gnarled and bent like oldtrees, for the work had become harder and harder during the lastmonths and since years they were nolonger making any money since thevillage was poor and everyone had to pay for so much more importantthings than new furniture. When the paved street eventually lead themalong the cemetery wall-”For a moment the young womanhestiated, wondering if this story was wrong to hear for a child whohad seen so many graveyards and felt so much graveearth beneath hisdead flesh before:“-..the older man hestiated. He was thinkingas he looked wistfully to the wall standing beside his way.´Sometimes I wish I owned a Animus…´, he said and his pupil justturned around, asking what the other meant with that. The older onejust shook his head, explaining while continuing their way: ´A Animus is a ghost trapped in its graveearth. For the one whoowns such a Animus, it will make every atempt and every planaccomplish, so the owner will have no worry ever in their life again.Money, success, fortune. Their is nothing a Animus can not giveyou.At least, if you are willing to pay the price. But imagine,we would be able to save our workshop.´

The boy imagined it. And he liked this imagination. He likedthis imagination even more, when he imagined himself as the Masterwith a handful of pupils in his workshop, working for him. So he spendthe rest of the way home, thinking what would he wish from such aAnimus, almost drunken with his wishes and oh-so-sweet What-Ifs likedrunken of wine. When his Master had brought him home, the Pupil waited for the old man to leave to return to his home. As his Masterdid , the Pupil sneaked past his parents by the fire and his littlesister playing with her puppets and outside, back to the graveyard,they had walked past just a few moments before.

It was pure boldness that made him climb over the Graveyards gatewhichs bars was at its end spiked with iron spires that sitched inthe boys legs like speers, but it was this pure boldness that madehim climb over the gate unharmed beside a few small scratches.However, as soon as he looked around on the Graveyard, the pale moonlike a polished skull above him, he was suddenly grabbed by histhroat with a feeling of utterly fear. Half mad of fear he stumbledover the Graveyard, stumbled over graves and through shadows, untilhe finally remembered the gate again and climbed over it. The spikedbars ripped his legs bloody, but he did not stopped and did notstopped running until he was home in his own hard, poor bed.

The boy barely slept this night, always fearing that the Dead hehad disturbed would follow him home to make him pay for disturbingtheir peace. But when the morning dawned, there had been no dead mencome to knock on the boys door. As he crawled out of his bed, henoticed the earth that had fell in his trousers cuff when he hadstumbled around on the graveyard. It was graveearth. It was a Animus.Happy the Pupil collected every inch of earth he had spread inthe bed during the night and gathered it in the pocket of his west,while all he could think of was the wish that it was him who wouldlead the workshop of his Master, for he thought it was his time to doso. And when he eventually stepped in his families living room,the warm morningsun fondling over his back like gentle finger, he wassuddenly greeted with the sad faces of his family. His mother, cryingloudly, told him that his Master had died in his sleep this night andthat they had just been told by his wife, who had been on her way tothe church to organize the funreal. The boys Master had had nochildren, so eventually it was now the Boys role to lead the workshopinstead. There was a sudden feeling of guilt twisting the boysguts as he hours later made his way to his late Masters funreal, butthere was also a childish excitement over the fact that his wish hadfullfilled. So he made another wish, as he stood between the mournersby the church. A wish that said, that he nolonger wanted to live inthe old, bedraggled house his family was forced to live in due totheir poorness, but in a much bigger richer house.

With this in mind he was on his way back to his home and withevery step also wished, that he did not had to go all the way back.Just a few steps farer, there stopped a cart beside him and thefriendly coachman let the boy climb on the back of the coach, so hedid not needed to walk. At his safe place between baggage, the Pupilcould hear the people inside the coach talking and recognised theirvoices for he had heard them since the fist day he could remember inhis childhood. It were the voices of the villages mayor and thechurchs priest, talking about the boys family. Hehad always known that his family was poor and that their debts were ashigh as the mountains surrounding the village, but he had not knownthat the Mayor would have the power to shoo them away from their homeand make them serve at his own big rich house to work off their debts.But this was exactly what he was hearing the Mayor saying, while theboy sat at the back of the coach, quiet and listening like a littlemouse.

Once again the Animus in the bagof his west had fullfilled one of the boys wishes.“Thewoman frowned, the creaking of the cart moving under them was aunfitting sound for the story she was telling, yet she did rememberthat when she had been told the story it was a warm sunny day and shestill had found no sleep that night. Thought sleep had never cameeasy to the little girl she had been, whos head had always felt as ifa hundred needles would bore through her skull:

„I would like to say, that theboy had felt guilty for using the Animus and that he threw it awaywhen he heard what would await his family. But he did not, insteadhe jumped off the cart and sprinted back home to find his littlesister alone. There he told her about what was about to happen andthat he had a Animus whom he only had to wish for to make everythingright again. But the little girl was far more smarter than the boywas, despite beeing younger. And she knew that-“-nothingGood can come from the Dead. „-nothing good can come fromsuch a Animus. So she asked him to threw the graveearth away. Butthat was nothing the boy wanted for there were still so many things hewanted to wish from the Animus and when his sister grabbed after theearth in the pocket of his west, he pushed her away. Like one of herpuppets when dropped the girl fell to the ground and hit her headbloody on the stony ground. That was when the boy finally understoodthat not he was the Master of the Animus, but that the Animus was theMaster over him. And so he did what he had to do. He threw the earthaway, to live in the misfortune the Animus had aleady brought over him.For his Masters workshop was still debt-ridden and his Family wouldstill be taken away from their home. Money, success,fortune. Their is nothing a Animus can not give you.At least, ifyou are willing to pay the price.But the Pupil was not willing todo just that. And maybe, as he eventually returned to his sister and the parents who could not sleep over the worryover their future but who welcomed him happily with wide open arms, that was the wisest decision he could have made.”

#prcmaturedeath #whoa #this needed so long to write!#thanks for the ask dear! :

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magknowlia · 7 years

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One of the strangest things that has happened since I’ve started seeing Gabby and working through issues I’ve had with ~my sexuality~ is that memories are resurfacing from my childhood that I completely forgot about or blocked out …. Like when I was probably 10? Or 11? I was at my friend’s house and we were listening to Blu Cantrell (lol) and she kissed me and we touched each other’s boobs and laid in her bed together half dressed but like I never thought about it. There are others too but this one is the strangest because it feels like it was from another time. I remember what her room looked like. But that has only resurfaced recently.

I never questioned my sexuality because I never thought about it at all? I always figured that everyone must be interested in their own gender as well as other genders to some degree. No one talks about sexual identity to children/teenagers. This seems so strange to me. I remember when I was telling my parents that I wanted to become a vegetarian and my mother saying “oh thank god, I thought you were going to tell us you are a lesbian.” My parents are homophobic to the tenth degree. Just recently my mother said to me “you need to find a rich husband” and I said “or wife!” And she was scandalized….

The issues surrounding my sexuality are honestly painful for me to confront because there’s just so much confusion…. I was happy with the boys I dated (until I hated them) but never felt sexually or emotionally fullfilled – still I liked being with them, I even loved some of them. I never thought about being with a woman until after college and I was living on my own and going out frequently. I had my first date with a woman a few years ago, Laura, who was so beautiful and when we kissed I was petrified so I just left. After that it was just a string of drunken make out sessions and hookups, some bad some decent, with both men and women. Then Gabby. It feels important for me to understand myself because I’m a control freak but I guess I just have to settle with “sexuality is fluid” and go with that for the time being.

#bisexual

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xynapses · 4 years

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If I Stayed Up Late Night

I don’t know how start this. Okay.

(This would be some nostalgia to the music of emo, post hardcore - or whatever you call it - scene years.)

I often caught myself daydreaming (even though it’s late night) about myself from the past. with some help from songs of bands like Broadways, A Skylit Drive, Keane, Within Temptation, and many more bands from 2010′s and 2000′s.

I was born in Indonesia. Pretty far away from the bands that I listed above. Being born in 2000, I mainly listen to local bands from my own country. You know, the technology was just on the verge of it’s rise. If I recall that, the most advanced cellular phone was probably by Nokia. With that being said, I had little to no exposure to that scene years era, and I was probably 3rd or 4th grade at that time in school.

Let me tell you a thing or two about this. That was such a simple time to be alive. (I’m not moaning about how life is getting more complicated as we grew older.) You know, just relieving the good old times. All I did back in that days was about school, playing with your childhood friends - which i grew up with until now - and be as happy as you can. No need to work to fullfill my needs because my parents do that, no worries about life, nothing. Just have fun and play.

And because all of that, the chances of me knowing those bands are nearly impossible. But at the same time, I already felt that music with distorted guitar sound is better for me. There’s some bands that did this style of music around that time in my country. And many of them still making this kind of music. The most notable bands in my mind is Pee Wee Gaskins (sounds ridiculous, I know), and Killing Me Inside, doing pop-punk and metalcore/post-hardcore kind of stuff respectively.

Jump to my 7th to 9th grade, around 2011 to 2015. I discovered a band called Simple Plan from my father’s laptop which he was asked his sister to bought him one so that he can pays it later to her.

And then, one of my friend told me about MCR on 2013 or 2014, just a few months after the band announced their break up. Then I went to discovered bands like Slipknot, Suicide Silence, Avenged Sevenfold and stuff like that. The thing is I didn’t discovered any of the emo/post-hardcore/metalcore scene bands until I was in my 10th grade or so.

That years in my high school is the one that made me really feel being a part of this music indirectly. I say “Indirectly”, because there’s literally no one really likes the music that listen to, no one plays this kind of music in my high school, and I know nothing about nearby gigs, or concerts. Yea, there’s some people that like rock music in general. And maybe some people happened to be like my taste of music, but it is really a few of them that I never know them personally.

And that years in my high school is the time when I discovered many of the emo/post-hardcore/metalcore scene bands. Like for examples, Of Mice and Men, Spies Like Us, Broadway, Sleeping With Sirens, Pierce the Veil, Memphis May Fire, Alesana. And also bands from 2000′s like New Found Glory, All Time Low, A Day to Remember, Within Temptation, We The Kings, and so on. The list could go on forever.

And unfortunately, I think that was the time when this scene started to sink in terms of mainstream popularity. It has changed along with the rise of EDM/rap/pop music kind of stuff. It’s just like you came out to a party when the party itself is about to end. But that years is the one that made me listen to the music I listen nowadays, and I fully embraced it.

Now I like to listen to more bands like Knuckle Puck, Real Friends, State Champs, Citizen, Turnstile just to name a few. Just a little bit closer to the punk/hardcore music. And I mean closer because most of the bands that I listen to now is like more mature emo/pop-punk style of music. I mean, just compare Knuckle Puck and All Time Low, both considered as pop-punk bands. You’ll spot the differences.

***

*phew

That is all I can say right now. To whoever reads this post, thank you for reading this. Feel free to share it all across Tumblr or any social media - just make sure to put some credits. Sorry for misspelled words or bad grammar. English is not my first language, you know.

Bless you, and have a wonderfull day.

#nostalgia #2000s music #2010s music #emo #hardcore punk #punk #Metalcore #good old times #good old memories #late night confession #scene #bless you #have a wonderful day #tumblr

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talkingsong · 5 years

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Playing Cards - My Secret Tarot Weapon + Card Meanings!

A lot of psychics tend to stick to only doing their readings with a simple deck of tarot cards. Some like using oracle decks to help them decipher the meanings of the readings too. Both of these methods of reading can be equally valid and accurate ways to get the message- but here’s something you might not have considered before. What if you used playing cards instead?

Why use playing cards? The fuck?

I tend to use playing cards in the majority of my readings, and I find them extremely helpful and beneficial to helping make my tarot readings more accurate. The reason why they work for me is because usually with tarot and other oracle decks your main guidance throughout interpreting the meanings of the cards is your own intuition, getting messages using symbols and colors in the cards to help you. This can make the tarot meanings almost fluid and flexible, able to be applied to any situation- which is a good thing! However, playing cards aren’t usually as symbolic. With playing cards, their meanings are typically pretty clean-cut and specific, which can help guide your intuition on the right path. For me, it can help me understand more where the person’s energy is going to take them. Another way to explain it is this- say you pull the strength card in a reading. If you don’t know, the strength card in traditional tarot depicts a gentle woman holding a lion by the jaws, with flowers blooming in a crown around her head, and in most situations, this can symbolize taking control over your problems and finding strength in being non-violent (keep in mind there are multiple interpretations, so this is just an example.) If I pull the six of spades after that, then it can help me clarify that in this situation the strength card could represent getting out a bad situation, most likely a relationship, and having the strength internally to move on with your life, if that makes sense.

Okay... How the hell do you use them, then?

Usually, it can help to do your own research on what the cards mean and their general interpretations, since we’ve already established that playing cards are way more literal than symbolic. When using playing cards, like any oracle or tarot decks, make sure to state your intentions before using them, and to cleanse their energy. Make sure to not use them for anything other than tarot readings. It can help to buy a whole new deck of cards so that this intention can be made very clear. Other than that, when using them, shuffle how you usually shuffle and keep your mind open to any messages you receive!

Here’s something else to keep in mind- like in tarot, each suit has its meanings. Hearts represent emotions and relationships. Spades represent thinking and communication. Diamonds represent practical and material aspects of life. Clubs represent action or goals being met along with creativity.

What the fuck are the card meanings in the first place?

Here’s a handy lil’ chart I made just for you- each card can have 2 or 3 literal interpretations depending, so apply what makes sense to you for your reading!

King Of Hearts - Represents being patient and able to see through others. Could represent having a strong protection and dedication over loved ones. Can represent being afraid of being manipulated.

Queen of Hearts - Represents coming across oblivious. Happy, Intelligent, Underestimated. Could represent taking things slow and loving the little things in life.

Jack of Hearts - Represents being the third wheel, being lonely and emotional. Could represent giving too much and not getting the same back.

Ace of Hearts - Represents being hopeful, young, new, shy, and innocent. Represents new friendships and romances along with new oppertunities. Could also represent a fresh new start in terms of mindsets and emotions.

Two of Hearts - Duality, balance of emotions, prosperity. Could also represent deepening of attractions.

Three of Hearts - Joy in company, friendships, celebrations.

Four of Hearts - Represents an established group or family. Stability of emotions. In some cases can represent a disapearence of some kind.

Five of Hearts - Can represent being fiery, passionate, impulsive. Could represent a loss of some kind. In some cases can represent repressed anger or restlessness.

Six of Hearts - Represents childhood, nostalgia, and healing. Could represent the revival of an old relationship. Could represent a relationship with a female member of the family.

Seven of Hearts - Balance, satisfaction in life (or lackthereof). Thinking, daydreaming, brainstorming options and waiting.

Eight of Hearts - Could show either emotional detachment or making a choice (or both). Feeling stuck. Could also represent crowds and gossip.

Nine of Hearts - Shows ultimate independence, following your dreams, going solo. Going against what society says. Sex.

Ten of Hearts - Represents happiness and completion in an emotional stage or cycle in someone’s life.

King of Spades - Represents determination and doing what you know is right. Making clear cut decisions and being quick and efficient when it comes to communication.

Queen of Spades - Represents being intelligent and aware, introspective and thoughtful.

Jack of Spades - Represents losing sleep and being a loner. Also represents having spot on intuition and advice. Could also represent existential crises.

Ace of Spades - Represents being able to see through deception and other people’s intentions. Also represents having new insights and changes in perspective about certain situations and people.

Two of Spades - Partnership and mutual understanding.

Three of Spades - Misunderstanding and overall miscommunication.

Four of Spades - Represents old projects and situations being set in stone and finished. Recovery and contemplation.

Five of Spades - Hollow victories or dishonor. Could also represent chaos caused by lack of communication.

Six of Spades - Represents being quick to fall into a relationship. Could also represent travel or moving on. Mentally getting to a better place.

Seven of Spades - Lies or deception. Little things piling up into big things. Situations and things needing to be addressed.

Eight of Spades - Needing change, things being too normal or set in stone. could also represent the illusion of feeling trapped or powerless.

Nine of Spades - Doing what you know is right, following your moral compass. Could also represent someone being prompted by feelings of guilt or emptiness.

Ten of Spades - Noise, a communication between two groups (or lackthereof). Victimization due to society in some way. Things needing to be completed.

King of Diamonds - Represents being self-made and successful but still being unsatisfied or not confident.

Queen of Diamonds - Represents feeling judged and alone. Music lover. Could also represent being hard on yourself.

Jack of Diamonds - Rich, Joyful, Laughter. Represents being generally happy and content but having hidden depths.

Ace of Diamonds - Represents fantasy or a particular dream or goal that someone has that is coming true. Could also represent moving.

Two of Diamonds - Represents waiting for results or juggling and balancing resources.

Three of Diamonds - Things being constructed or physically made. Could also represent teamwork and improving skills.

Four of Diamonds - Finding stability or results. Having something desired - or in some cases being too obsessed with control.

Five of Diamonds - Loss of jobs or money. Could also represent a scandalous feminine energy (oooo gurl)

Six of Diamonds - Motherhood, parental instinct. Could also represent having to give up something physical for self improvement.

Seven of Diamonds - Mild satisfaction giving way to a turning point.

Eight of Diamonds - Renewal or revival of something. Paying attention to detail and finding focus.

Nine of Diamonds - Putting effort into the wrong thing, having to reevaluate something. Making mistakes.

Ten of Diamonds - Finding a partner, working towards goals with physical resources. Completion.

King of Clubs - Represents being noble and expreinced, being someone a lot of people look up to. Having interests in multiple different things.

Queen of Clubs - Represents being proud of yourself, being dedicated (especially to love). Doesn’t rush. Can represent distraction getting in the way of your goals.

Jack of Clubs - Getting advice from someone older and more expierenced than you. Admitting your own naive nature in a certain subject or aspect of life. Therapy.

Ace of Clubs - Finding new inspiration and creativity. Could also represent honesty and feeling whole.

Two of Clubs - Being caught between two options or choices, especially considering your own personal future. Could also represent preparation and planning.

Three of Clubs - Being a strong leader, usually in some sort of creative endeavour. Not being afraid to stand out or to take charge.

Four of Clubs - Not being where you think you are. Confusion. More often then not represents achieving a goal or rest.

Five of Clubs - Finding the humor in any situation. Being skilled.

Six of Clubs - Represents victory and achievements. Could also represent music, singing, listening, or variety.

Seven of Clubs - Could represent being uninspired. Defensive.

Eight of Clubs - Fullfillment, charity. Finding satisfaction where you are or taking action to get to a better place.

Nine of Clubs - Endurence, facing demons, finding the truth. Serving justice. Overall kicking ass.

Ten of Clubs - Finding harmony and completion with society. Dream fitting it. Completion.

Keep in mind that these are just general interpretations - feel free to make your own!

With that, this post has been way too long and has taken me two hours to write. I hope this helps! Let me know if you have any other questions <3 peace.

#tarot #tarotadvice #divination #playingcards #tarotdecks #psychic #witch

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