............................................. I'm regretfully writing a fanfic.

It's not gonna be big, but dialogue has been running in my head 24/7 and if I don't write it down I'll explode. Writing is a fun break from drawing besides and I genuinely feel like slowly dissecting other characters is helping me revisit my original stories, and dissect my own characters and bring more continuity and subtlety into them.

sometimes I think of all the on-the-surface warm, well-meaning but deeply ineffectual advice and attention john gives harrow through harrow the ninth (make some soup and get some sleep! get a hobby! don't be so hard on yourself! self care harrow! as long as I need take no actual responsibility in this relationship whatsoever I would have loved to be your dad!) set up against the stark truth that with his other hand he has been staging her attempted horrific murder again and again and again like a living nightmare on the logic that it will 'put her down or fix her'. and then I find that I wish there is a hell. a special hell where twitch streamers turned necromantic death emperors go

Say something true!

deeply refreshing to see someone critical of Swift who also like, genuinely likes her. Like i'm neutral to positive on her, but the online discourse has been absolutely rancid. flipping between "Taylor Swift has never done anything wrong ever and she's a fucking genius" and "Taylor Swift is the worst lyricist of all time and also a bad person" is exhausting, so thank you for like. nuance or something lmao

not to make it serious for a sec but i genuinely think that being able to like things that are bad is really important. like I think that it's an important skill to be able to look at something and see what you personally enjoy about it and then take a step back and acknowledge that objectively it's flawed. and to also be able to acknowledge that liking something isn't necessarily an identity or a moral stance. and i think that fandom space in general could really benefit from more people taking the time to learn how to do that. it's okay to like things that are bad

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂I am so normal about them 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 so sane 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Omg hi Ms. Yellow Caballero big fan of your work <3 For real though, I'm really excited that your sharing the Weekenders, it was a joy to read and I'm bongocat-ing now that others also get the privilege to read it as well.

Referencing your tags, would you please elaborate of ableism in fandom and, like you said, how fandom treats characters with unpalatable disabilities?

Hi Ms. Bud Lite I'm a big fan of you <3

TL;DR A fear of writing characters of highly marginalized identities shields you from criticism and discomfort, but it's actively stigmatizing to people of these identities and as a writer you really need to get over yourself and write The Icky People.

I guess I'll come out swinging on this one and say that fandom doesn't like severe mental illness. (As a note, when I say severe mental illness (SMI) I mean illnesses such as psychotic disorders, bipolar disorder, substance use disorders, personality disorders, etc)

Obviously, nobody likes people w/SMI. It's just insanely egregious in fandom to me, since fanfic writers absolutely love writing characters or HC characters with depression, anxiety, or a specific variety of PTSD That Isn't Scary. People actively reject any character HCs for a SMI. When people write a character with SMI, they nicely downplay it, ignore it, substitute it for a disorder they like better, or rewrite it. It's completely untolerated, in both headcanons and in fanfiction, and every time I bring it up I always get the most interesting reasons why somebody couldn't possibly acknowledge a character's SMI in their writing. I've heard all of these:

"I don't know enough about the disorder to write it accurately." Do research.

"I'm not X, so I can't really depict it." You probably aren't a cis white man, but you depict those guys just fine.

"It feels insulting to the character." There is no shame in having a SMI.

"I can't understand what it's like, so it's better to be cautious and avoid giving characters stigmatized identities." There are LOTS of experiences that you'll never understand because you've never had them - you just don't want to write anything you're uncomfortable with. People with SMI make you uncomfortable, and you don't want to write anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, or think of a comfort character in an uncomfortable way. SMIs are marginalized differently than solely depression/anxiety/The Nice PTSD, and by refusing to write them you're actively contributing to the stigma.

I think (?) I've spoken in the past about how I believe that the rigorous external and internal policing of writing people of marginalized identities is actively harmful towards efforts to increase diversity of experience and background in fiction. A lot of fanfiction writers are just terrified to write people who they can't directly relate with, because they're worried 'they'll get it wrong' and be Big Cancelled. I think this is negative enough when it prevents people from going outside of their comfort zone, but on a macro level I think this results in people refusing to write characters of marginalized identities as all. It's an insidious thought process, and it's reflected in people's unwillingness to diversity their writing or acknowledge canon diversity.

'Well, I don't understand what it's like to be Black, so I don't want to write Black people'. 'I want to project on this character, so I only want to write them with mental illnesses and identities I have'. 'If I write a marginalized character incorrectly people will yell at me, so I won't write a marginalized character who's marginalized differently than me at all'. Can you imagine writing a lesbian character with a boyfriend because 'you feel uncomfortable writing lesbian experiences'? It's blatantly homophobic. But people do that with disability and race/ethnicity ALL THE TIME.

People with SMI notice that you feel uncomfortable with them. It's obvious. They notice when a character has a SMI + anxiety, and you only write their anxiety. They notice when a character displays symptoms of a SMI in canon, but you write it out. And POC notice when the characters of color are written out. I know we all like to project on the blorbos and relate to them, and in the joys of your own head do whatever, but as a writer if you only stick to identities you're comfortable with you are actively being a worse writer. Which to me is the REAL sin lmfao.

Terzo for the Suspenders Series

been in SUCH a bad art block lately but i want to post art so here is a rough kirillov WIP i've been working on...........ive been obsessed w the idea of drawing him like an icon/saint/etc but im not satisfied with any of my attempts so far T_T

just noticed your (new?) icon. bless that is good

You like Sondheim? His early work was a little too Rodgers and Hammerstein for my taste. But when Sweeney Todd came out in '79, I think he really came into his own, commercially and artistically. The whole album has a clear, crisp sound, and a new sheen of consummate professionalism that really gives the songs a boost. He's been compared to Andrew Lloyd Webber, but I think Stephen has a far more bitter, cynical sense of humor. In '23, Thomas Kail released this; Sweeney Todd, the Demon Barber of Fleet Street, a full scale revival of the original text and score, complete with a 26-piece orchestra for the first time since 1982. I think the undisputed masterpiece is "The Ballad of Sweeney Todd." A song so catchy, most people probably don't listen to the lyrics. But they should, because it's not just about Sweeney's personal reputation! It's also a Shakespearean chorus and a warning in the form of a prologue about the story, the tragedy even that's about to unfold before our eyes. Hey Paul!

having a hashtag bad one 👍

at best there genuinely isn't a meaningful function that this "pedohunter" callout shit serves. you know full fucking well that all forms of abuse are ignored and brushed aside, child abuse being worse, and csa being the most severely unaddressed of all. even if you think such crimes are the exception to prison abolition or death sentences, you know that law enforcement is criminally negligent in handling them, if they even fucking bother. and if they do bother in cases of csem/csam and online exploitation, they explicitly DO NOT make it a public as any form of public acknowledgement is detrimental to collecting evidence and establishing a case; if you sound the alarm you're simply giving an opportunity for people to cut and run while burning as much evidence as possible on the way out. THIS is WHY the fbi doesn't acknowledge anonymous tips, it would only end up being an easy way to confirm if you're being investigated.

at most all you can hope for in making a callout post is some small amount of community awareness, maybe helping keep people away from abusers, but there are a lot of fucking consequences in doing so holy shit. first, it signals that it's time to ditch and set back up elsewhere; if someone online is looking into it then you can be sure as shit law enforcement is at least aware of the situation, ESPECIALLY when you explicitly make note of NOTIFYING THE FBI AND LOCAL LAW ENFORCEMENT ??? I'm sorry you didn't get a fucking medal for recording and cataloguing shit, but you most likely didn't even have to do that and doing so hinders investigations given how long that takes, you don't have the resources or jurisdiction so you've just delayed any investigation from people who do.

second, even IF you handle everything perfectly and with the delicacy something like this requires, you are further traumatising the victims and retraumatising survivors by blasting the very real abuse and exploitation they've suffered through into the public sphere, quite literally showcasing it with the goal of as many people as possible seeing it. you are not going to do that though, you're going to fuck it up in some way, and this whole situation is clear proof of that. the ways in which toonimal has been handled irresponsibly are too many to fucking count, and the sheer negligence and lack of care has resulted in victims' information being readily available. Even if no direct harm comes as a result of the spotlight you've placed on the victims and where and how to find them, being exposed as a victim before you've even come to terms with it yourself, not to mention the painful processes necessary to fully acknowledge what was done to you, and then to be ready to talk about it after, IS REALLY GOD DAMN FUCKING TRAUMATISING. you are forcing victims through years of pain and confusion and grief and loss without even the slightest consideration of what that might be like, and this isn't the type of thing where biting the bullet is necessary or at all helpful. in reality, pushing victims to reconcile with realisations that will haunt them for the rest of their lives is only likely to result in denial, you are directly hindering victims from recovery and pushing them CLOSER to their abusers, who WILL capitalise on their conflicted emotional state to isolate them further and draw them closer.

If it doesn't stop the abuse and it doesn't help victims, the only thing it could be doing is making you feel good about yourself for your catastrophically misguided attempt at sticking it to LITERAL CHILD ABUSERS, which is the most patently fucking pathetic shit you could ever hope to accomplish. what you care about is your own deluded notion of getting the bad guy, and this is only further evidenced in every single person who responds to and shares your pitiful self aggrandizement frothing at the mouth and chomping at the bit over how badly they want to kill these sick freaks, how righteous they are for that, and how far beneath them the degenerate monsters are.

yeah, child abusers are fucking bad people, you're not special for thinking so, and you're not accomplishing ANYTHING when you dehumanise them purely for the sake of posturing. you only manage to make it patently fucking obvious that you hold both yourself and the people who sexually abuse children to be more important than the victims could ever be.

you truly cannot comprehend the idea of even considering us, of acknowledging us as anything more than an abstract concept only significant in the fact that we have determined someone to be guilty. I'm an adult, I've been in mental health care for quite literally half my life, I can handle your callous disregard for what was done to me and the countless, immeasurable ways in which it affected me.

A child can't.

Maybe you should ask yourself why you've never once reacted with grief for the victims, have only ever considered crucifying sinners. Why you've never cared to – or even considered the possibility of – learning the ways to recognise when a child is being abused, the potential to help them recognise if something is being done to them, to realise it if so. It might actually help someone, and it's not like calling for heads on the fucking internet could ever hope to accomplish anything. Give up the pretentions of giving a single shit about us and maybe actually do it for once in your life.

THORIN

Devil bottles takes control of your dog for revenge clawing and biting its horrible

not my fuckin dog man leave him out of this

Day 7: Light

how convenient, to be his own nightlight. it's almost like he's meant to be reading until sunrise...!

(featuring @duisarcusxiv's Sagra!)

If it’s not too late: phone sex operator vegas au?

hi hello ily it is NEVER too late to talk abt phone sex operator vegas au

so have u ever seen hit show castle (2009)–

akgkdl okay brace urself it's backstory time. so anyone who knows me knows that i am a big castle (2009) enthusiast (the ONLY show i refuse to watch with it's original english audio this is a german dub party ONLY) i have rewatched the entire series all 8 season MULTIPLE times. now i do this while giffing i put it on and then it plays in the corner of my screen while i do my thing.

and one day season 4 episode 12 came up. now if u are not well versed in castle (2009) lore in this episode a young woman is found murdered and her death is quickly connected to the mayor of new york who is a good friend of castle. now the mayor plotline isn't important what's important is that the victim used to have like a really good job and then gave it up and threw away all her electronic devices and moved into a shitty little apartment for seemingly no reason. while investigating the victim's job castle and beckett are led to: dial a goddess. a phone sex hotline call center.

most of this isn't important i just like castle

so as i was watching this i was like wait a fucking moment. vp brainrot → vp in photoshop → castle phone sex call center in the corner → vp phone sex operator au

so! now i get to the part where i actually tell u abt the au alvkdkfks

pete as the poorest most pitiful security guard in the entire world just trying to get thru his shift at this fundraising event getting his ear talked off by porsche who's currently lecturing him abt his sex life and masturbation habits. once the shift is finally over porsche gives pete a number to call and a few bucks and zooms off to a dick appointment with kinn. after a lot of contemplation and denial pete decides to call the number one evening and well who else could be speaking on the other end except vegas ofc? what follows is pleasant conversations, a lot of hr violations, inappropriate familiarity and possessiveness over customers, more feelings than anyone involved really expected and also. some hard earned phone sex

im very Very excited to write this it is All plotted out all i need to do is write it. i've already started on the hilarious first scene but i might have to rearrange some of it

here is a little snippet for u !!!

Pete wants to die.

This is not how he wanted to spend his shift.

They're doing security for some kind of charity event — Pete couldn't be bothered to remember what kind — and regrettably, there's not much to do except stand around, so Porsche has unfortunately taken the opportunity to give — entirely unsolicited — advice and commentary on Pete's sex life. In broad daylight. In front of the wealthiest people in Thailand. Loud enough so everyone can hear, since Porsche doesn't care much about trivial things like indoor voices.

Even though, Pete does not tell Porsche about his sex life.

But, of course, he won't let himself be stopped.

So, as Pete contemplates the benefits of strangling his coworker-turned-friend-soon-to-be-enemy, he chatters idly about his many hookups in clubs and bars alike.

"–like, you really need to get better at flirting, Pete, it's sad watching you. It's not even hard to pick someone up. But, like, bestie, you have no rizz."

"Porsche. What the fuck is that."

ask me about my wips !

Thinking about how Wingweaver Xili implied the Foxians of the Zhuming have a qualities that look more akin to the Borisin

Praying to god we get to go to the Zhuming and they actually give the Foxians more pronounced animal features PLEAASSEE

Also very very interesting to observe the difference between the Foxians depending on what ship they come from… I need to research this more because I would love to show that off in some redesigns/my own designs ig for some of the Xianzhou characters we already know and potential oc designs as well

So many Zhuming thoughts, my brain is full of them