#but thats why it's important to also seek the fucking news yourself!
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fucking loser that doesn’t actually watch, seek out, or engage with news and only gets their info from their social media feed: uhhhh well no one in my echo chamber is talking about this thing so clearly no one else knows about it but me and i demand to know why no one else knows!!!
#'reese that seems harsh' i do not care <3#twitter is not the fucking news babes <3#yes we should always be wary of what like mainstream nightly newscasts will give us in info#but thats why it's important to also seek the fucking news yourself!#it's like when those girls got kidnapped from that school in south africa the other year#i found out about it bc of a news headline on my break @ work when i pulled up my actual news feed#and then when i got home and watched the nightly news it was the main story#and then i opened tumblr two days later and people were like#THE MEDIA IS SILENCING THIS STORY!!! NO ONE WILL REPORT ON IT IT'S ONLY UP TO US TUMBLR!!!#despite it LITERALLY dominating the news cycles for days#op of one of those posts admitted they don't watch the news and just went by the fact that no one on their dash was posting about it#also re the guy in the above tweets: he does know you can manually select your push notifications right??? like??? they're not randomized...
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What Im thinking about today: BNHA n stigmatization of psychology.
The thing is, we as humans are very ready to help each other (most of the time). Thats why we try to rehabilitate prisoners, thats why we volunteer, thats why proffesions such as doctors, social workers and psychologists etc exist. I think we talked here before how most villains in the series havent been failed by heroes, they've been failed by societal safety nets that were meant to catch ppl like them, just like social workers try to catch endangered kids and psychologists try to catch people with mental problems.
Now i study psychology so ill concentrate on that. Obviously it depends from place to place but mental care is still very often looked down upon as 'something for crazy people.' I have personal expirience with that as when i suggested to my dad that maybe he should look into a psychologist too (after my brother started going to one) cuz he has some issues that he could use a hand dealing with, his response was 'what? But im not crazy'. I study psychology and he still often makes jokes about me treating crazy people in the future. I interviewd a school psychologist for a class and she told us that one of the first things she has to do in a school is get students to relax and feel comfortable coming to her with problems cuz there is a very clear stigma in everyones mind that asking for help with your mental problems is something bad, something wrong, something that means you are crazy, wierd, other and people do fear that stigmatization. Going to a psychologist doesnt mean you are crazy, it means you are having problems that you cant deal with on your own and that you need proffesional help with. Nothing more, nothing less. Those problems can be depression or they can be helping you to deal with lingering emotions from your divorce. Big or small, psychology is simply there to give you support and tools you need to feel good again. You wouldnt stigmatize someone for going to the doctor for a soar throat or cancer so you shouldnt stigmatize someone seeking p much the same help for mental illness.
But people still do because things ingrained in society are very very hard to uproot and things are going for the better with every generation but its a painfully slow process and there is no telling how many people fall through that net because they dont seek help when they still can because they think 'im not crazy im not gonna go to those mumbo junbo psychologist that mess with your head' which is very much like going 'im not gonna go to a doctor for my infected wound, they would mess with my body'. Untreated infections spread and get worse and people fall through.
This is what leads me back to bnha. We dont know exactly how long the world of quirks existed, i think i saw a post breaking it down to be for about 100-300 years but for the life of me i cant remember. We know its not terribly long. 100 years may seem long until you remember a single human can live to 100 years old. Now my question is, if a science such as psychology that has been present since like ancient greeks n egypt n stuff can still be stigmatized.
How accepted would quirk counseling be?
Lets not forget that quirks were heavily discriminated against in the begining, treated as monsterous and the other and the acceptence of them is still something fresh and more extreme mutations still face hate groups. Like its completly canon that there are people alive now in bnha whos parents or grandparents faced discrimination or died because of quirk discrimination (cough redestro cough).
Imagine being Togas parents.
Your child displays a quirk like that. You still have in memory your parent or grandparent who was discriminated and monsterized because of a similar quirk. Quirk counceling exists but why should you take your daughter there. Shes not a monster, this isnt something you should get someone else involved with, its a family matter and what do those counselors know anyway, they will treat your daughter as a monster and make everything worse. You can handle this yourself, you can teach her to supress it. Shes not a monster.
The wound festers.
This especially goes hard for japan whos big on the keeping things in the family aspect and not discracing the family. The stigma is still fresh in the memory and you dont want to be that family whos kid goes to quirk counseling. You shut the doors, you shut the windows, you deal with it within the family.
I think that while quirk counseling exists in bnha, it would most likely be seen as something thats shameful to atend, a admitance that you dont have control over your own quirk. Your friends might say 'what the fuck man why are you going there, you arent a monster' even if a quirk that has negative effects should be treated as shortsighted eyes that need glasses. Just because it doesnt function well, doesnt mean its bad. But well stigmatization of disabled is a whole nother thing our society also has problems with and that also connects to bnha (cough aoyama cough). I think thats why its so easy for people in bnha to fall through those safety nets. I do belive they exist but they are new, probably not the most super effective as most new things tend to be and are probably looked down upon.
And hate to break it to shiggy and the crew but thats the kind of a problem that can only be fixed my longterm education and normalization of asking for help rather then burning the systhem to the ground.
I hope that made sense i always get a little loopy with my points when i write a long one fgdgff
No, it makes sense.
Mental health is still stigmatized everywhere, even here in the UK where we’re supposed to have some of the best health care available (which is debatable). To bring something a little personal into this, my flatmates and I were playing a guessing game where I had to describe a word with other descriptions being taboo (in my case it was headache) and as my flatmates know I suffer from chronic headaches, I said as a clue that it was something I get often. Well, a flatmate who was a little tipsy at the time who knows about my depression shouted depression to my other shocked flatmates (I didn’t mind, in fact I found it hilarious). But after we had all calmed down, one of my flatmates said something that stuck with me: “Maybe you shouldn’t overshare things”.
Now, I don’t see telling people I have depression as something I’m oversharing. It’s not private, it’s a mental health condition I suffer from that can kill me if it goes unchecked (before starting medication again, I was very suicidal). In fact, it benefits both me and my flatmates to know that I have depression just in case. And yet it was viewed as something that I was “oversharing”.
This attitude has only arisen because people treat mental health as something that is shameful and should only be known among family members. In fact, I had no clue that DASS (a disability service in uni) was actually also for mental health issues because we’ve been raised with people treating mental health as something “in our heads” and so isn’t as important as physical disabilities, it was only until my uni pointed out that it was there for every condition, physical and mental.
The point I’m making is that I can totally see mental health in BNHA be treated as a shameful secret. Japan doesn’t have the best track record when it comes to mental health anyway (don’t they have some of the highest suicide rates?) so it wouldn’t surprise me if the BNHA universe is the same. In fact, the only mental health issues we’ve seen in BNHA currently are the extreme examples of it such as Twice and Dabi’s mania.
I would love to see Horikoshi delve a little more into quirk counselling and the potential stigma behind it. I know it’s been brought up once or twice (UA treats it as something normal but as teachers who see mental health issues all the time, it’s no wonder that they do) but not enough in my opinion when it’s probably one of the most important stop gaps between making villains.
I don’t have much hope, admittedly, but it would be something fun to explore in fanon too!
#bnha#bnha manga spoilers#mental health#mental health discussion#personal#thanks for the ask!!#thegaygyrus
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flesh stays no farther reason (1/6)
Great, she thinks, another horny creep trying to entice young women to hop into bed with them for roughly 30 seconds.
She reads the post anyways.
-
Five times Ben looks for Rey and the one time she finds him.
-
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 5K
Read on AO3
Notes:
my brain at 2a.m., assuring me that it'll be a one-shot: for the lady, perhaps a salad?
me, 5,000+ words in and only on their first meeting: [chuckling] perhaps not
-
1
what's to come is still unsure
She sees it on Reddit.
She doesn’t normally scroll through the website (certainly not subreddits like this) but she’s bored and can only take the same Buzzfeed quizzes so many times.
She’s not sure what led her to this page, how the rabbit hole of the internet made her search r/mseekingfcorusant but here she was, scrolling through the disjointed thoughts of horny guys in her area.
Posted by u/droidwrangerl88
need hot girl to bang. serious inquiries only.
Posted by u/mycumtastelikesarlacc
Any girls in the Coruscant area looking to hook up this evening? 38M seeking mid-20sF. Will split hotel bill.
Posted by u/hotbountyhunter3483
any females interested in shredded guy for an evening? willing to meet for drinks b4 hand, and will pay for ur drinks if ur hot. (943) 349-9684 ;)
Rey finds it consistently astonishing how gross and vulgar men can be when hidden behind a screen. But she is scrolling on this page out of her own free will, so it does seem a little ‘pot-calling-the-kettle-black-ish.’ Just as her finger goes to press back to the home-screen, a tiny blue bubble appears at the top of the page, indicating that there has been a new post made. Great, she thinks, another horny creep trying to entice young women to hop into bed with them for roughly 30 seconds.
She reads the post anyways.
Posted by u/KyL0_R3N
31M seeking similarly aged F for the evening of 05/17. I have an important meeting on the 18th and sex the night before proves to a good luck charm for me. Nothing too crazy or obscene, fairly vanilla to start off with, but willing to go further based on her desires.
Something in Rey clenches.
It’s by far the most eloquently phrased way of asking for sex that she’s seen thus far. He seems straightforward, which is refreshing, but she knows that the best of psychopaths are good at hiding their true intention.
She clicks to his profile.
He seems interested in pretty common threads. Cooking tips, best laundromats in Coruscant, Galaxy Battles discourse; all innocuous and nothing to indicate he would chop up whoever responds to his post. Maybe that’s why she sends him a message.
From u/R3yoflight
why not just download tinder?
everyone on tinder is looking for sex too.
She bites her lip as she presses send. It’s not the best conversation starter, she’s aware, but their semi-introduction was from him posting about wanting to have sex to preform well in a meeting. Formalities can be forgone, in this particular situation. It’s not like she’s trying to impress him either; she didn’t message him to accept is offer, just merely because she’s curious.
There’s a pang of nervousness when she hears the notification sound out that he’s responded.
From u/KyL0_R3N
There’s too much preamble on dating apps.
Also, I’m looking to have sex, not to date.
It seemed more advantageous
to be straightforward.
From u/R3yoflight
hmmmm
i guess that makes sense
(also advantageous is worth 17 points in
scrabble, so kudos)
have you gotten many interested respondents?
From u/KyL0_R3N
You’re the first.
From u/R3yoflight
who says i’m interested???
From u/KyL0_R3N
Well, you are the one who messaged me?
Also, my post has been up for only a few minutes,
so you’re the first respondent in any capacity.
From u/R3yoflight
oooohhh i feel special ☺️✨
From u/KyL0_R3N
You’ve yet to tell me if you’re interested.
Is she?
Is she really considering letting Mr. KyL0_R3N fuck her after meeting him through a publicly placed internet post and knowing next to nothing about him?
From u/R3yoflight
maybe??
idk v much abt u yet
how do i know ur not a serial killer
or that u actually are who u say u are
which u haven’t yet
said who u are, that is
From u/KyL0_R3N
I’m 31M. I work in Coruscant at a tech company.
I’m 6’3, 190lbs. I’m not a killer in any capacity.
You haven’t told me anything about yourself,
which hardly seems fair.
From u/R3yoflight
24F, 5’6, i’m not telling u my weight
i work at an auto shop downtown so i can
kick ur ass if ur lying abt not being a killer
From u/KyL0_R3N
In order to kick my ass, we’d have to meet.
So, are you interested or not?
From u/R3yoflight
i shouldn’t be
From u/KyL0_R3N
I have the distinct feeling that you are.
Am I right?
From u/R3yoflight
...
yeah
-
He tells her his name is Kylo Ren, which she thinks sounds stupid and made up, but doesn’t press him. They hammer out some more details, agreeing to meet at the bar of a swanky hotel downtown first, and if all goes well, he’ll have a room reserved for them.
When she tells him that she can’t afford to pay any of the room, he dismisses her flippantly with a quick ‘I’ll take care of it’ that makes her chest feel tight.
They don’t talk much after that, only a message from her a few days before hand, making sure the plan was still on, and an affirmative from his side. But a few hours before they’re supposed to meet up, Rey gets a notification from him. It distracts her from the task at hand (precision shaving of her legs and… other parts), causing a knick on the back of her calf.
From u/KyL0_R3N
While I don’t think that we’ll be doing
anything that would require
a safe word, I’d like to have one in case.
From u/R3yoflight
i’ve never had a safe word.
what’s a good one?
From u/KyL0_R3N
It doesn’t have to be anything special.
We can stick to a traditional scale.
Green means you’re good.
Yellow means slow down.
Red means to stop entirely.
Does that work?
From u/R3yoflight
yeah thats good
why don’t you think that we won’t be doing
anything to justify a safe word?
you planning to go easy on me 😈
From u/KyL0_R3N
That depends, sweetheart.
How far are you willing to go?
Rey thinks for a moment. She should have some hard lines set, especially since he’s a total stranger. In fact, she shouldn’t be fucking a stranger at all. But she was in this far, so she may as well go all in.
From u/R3yoflight
i’m not super into choking but a lil breath play
is okay
no extreme bondage or degradation
maybe at some point but just… not now
anything in my ass will require a lot of work
before hand bc not much has been in there.
any hard no’s 4 u?
i’m on birth control so u can come inside me
if you want
From u/KyL0_R3N
I think we should stick to no
bondage/degradation/breath play for now
I’m not super into those anyways.
I’ll keep that in mind about your ass.
Maybe nothing in my ass. For now.
That about covers my no’s.
What are some of you hard yes’s?
From u/R3yoflight
i like being taken control of, dominated, i guess
kissing is big for me but i get it if u don’t like it
also major daddy kink but that can be
controlled if its not ur thing
what do u like
From u/KyL0_R3N
Very much yes to that Daddy kink and kissing.
I lean towards dom anyway, so that should work out.
I like hickeys. Giving and receiving.
I also have pretty good stamina, just a warning.
From u/R3yoflight
i like a man with good stamina ;)
u gonna wear me out tonight? 😈
From u/KyL0_R3N
Yes. Yes I am.
-
She gets there late. Unlike every other time she runs late for something, this time is purposeful. If he gets angry with her, she’ll know to leave. And she’s counting on that. Him giving her a reason to leave. She needs it so she doesn’t do something stupider than what she’s already doing now.
But when she arrives and see’s the absolute mammoth of a man, with long-is black hair and moles and big ears, Rey just knows she’s in for it.
He stands when he sees her. Realistically she knew that 6’3 was tall, but it’s still a bit shocking to her. One of his gargantuan hands is holding a beer, the other resting on the back of the chair. She spends a second too long admiring his form, earning a knowing-but-slight smirk from him.
“You’re Kylo.” It’s an unnecessary statement, because who else could he be, but one that is said all the same.
“And you’re Rey.”
His fucking voice. It’s too beautiful to be addressing her, she’s sure of it.
“Work ran over, that’s why I’m late.” She wasn’t going to give him an excuse, but the words fall out of her mouth.
“I’m familiar with that myself. It’s no trouble, really.” He holds the chair out for her, and she gracefully takes a seat. A server comes around and takes her drink order of a club soda before scurrying off.
“Nothing to relax the nerves?” He question, taking a sip of his drink.
“I prefer to have a clear head for…” She trails off. What does this qualify as? A hook-up? A booty-call? A job interview?
“Good girl.”
Her breath stops for a moment before she remembers its necessary to survive.
“You said you work for a tech company downtown; is it close?” She asks, hoping she sounds passive.
“Not far. I need to be close for tomorrow.” He never looks away from her; it makes her sweat.
The server comes back with her drink, and Rey takes a giant gulp, just for something to preoccupy her mouth.
“You said you work for an auto shop downtown. What do you do there?” He asks, eying her hands curiously. Rey worries that he’ll realize she wasn’t actually at work if her hands aren’t greasy, so she hides them under the table.
“I’m a mechanic,” She tells him, sitting up straighter.
“You’re…” He begins, but she cuts him off.
“A woman mechanic, yes. It’s not entirely uncommon.”
“I was going to say young.” She bites her lip. His voice doesn’t sound like its chastising her, but she feels bad all the same.
“Most men are uncomfortable with the fact that I know more about cars than them.” Rey doesn’t know why she continues to challenge him, but his reactions always surprise her.
It’s… nice.
“Do I seem like I’m uncomfortable by that?”
She regards him. “No, but you did proposition anyone with computer access, so I think your threshold for uncomfortable must be very high.”
He doesn’t laugh, per se, but the corners of his mouth lift and his cheeks become tight. She smiles at the sight.
“Seems that we’re both very bold. A female mechanic and an online propositioner. We make for quite a pair.”
“Hopefully that means the sex will be good.”
Kylo Ren does smile at that.
His hand is on the small of her back when they get in the elevator and Rey is actively trying to ignore the fluttering in her gut, which is why the words blurt out of her.
“My roommate knows where we are!” It’s a loud noise in an otherwise quiet area, but Kylo doesn’t seem startled by it. He just looks down at her. “I have to be back at the apartment, in person, by noon tomorrow or she’s calling the cops.” Rey is quieter now but her voice still shakes.
“My meeting is at 10, so you’ll have plenty of time to get back to your place. I can have my driver drop you off there, if you like,” He says.
“Thats… not why I’m telling you. But that you. I mean, my roommate will know if something bad happens to me. So it would be wise of you to not kill me.” Rey gulps.
Kylo’s hand comes to her face and brushes a piece of hair behind her ear.
“I’m not going to hurt you, Rey.” His voice is soft. “I’m not going to kill you, or hit you, or do anything you don’t want me to do.” She’s facing him now. “If you feel uncomfortable, I wouldn’t be mad. You can leave whenever you want.”
“But what do you want? You’ve asked me what I’ve wanted in every interaction we’ve had, but all I know is that you want to fuck somebody so that you’re not nervous or whatever tomorrow. Do you even want me? Or was I just the first person who responded to you post? It goes both ways, ya know. You need to tell me what you want, too.”
His hand brushes the side of her jaw, his eyes trail down her face, no doubt seeing the nervous expression she wears.
“I want you, Rey.”
-
His lips are on hers the moment the door is shut. His hand cradles the back of her head as he shoves his body against hers, pinning her to the wall. His other hand grips her hip and will definitely leave a bruise. She loves it.
But his warm, wet mouth on hers with his plush, pink lips makes any coherent thought leave her head. She moans into his mouth, hands trying desperately to pop open the buttons of his shirt. She makes a sound of frustration when the last stubborn button won’t come undone, and his hands are there in an instant, ripping the thing straight off. She slides her hands along his toned chest as his tongue invades her mouth. When her hands venture further south, they find the more than impressive bulge straining against his slacks.
“I should’ve… asked you earlier…” He says into her mouth as he sucks off the remaining shirt and suit jacket, “if you… like… dirty talk.” Rey keens against him, forcing his mouth to go to her neck as she breathes out a chant of ‘yes, yes, yes.’
Kylo makes a noise of approval before hoisting her into his arms. Rey’s legs instinctively wrap around his hips as he walks them towards the bed.
“Good, because it would be a shame not to be able to tell you that I can’t wait to taste your cunt.”
Rey has died.
She has died and gone to whatever afterlife will have her.
She never wants to leave it.
“You… don’t… you don’t have to…” She manages to say between kisses. Kylo pulls back from her then, eyes dark, hair a mess, lip red and bitten.
“I want to. Will you let me?” Rey nods so fast she’s worried her neck will be sore. His hands ruck up her cotton dress, until he decides that the offending material will need to be off all together. She’s left in her black bralette and underwear and Kylo stares down at her.
“My tit’s aren’t that big. I’m sorry if you were looking forward to-”
“They’re perfect,” He cuts her off by kissing down her chest, mouthing her nipples through the dark fabric. The heat of his mouth combined with the coolness of the room make her nipples stand at attention, pebbling at the fabric.
Kylo depends further, and puts his entire face against her still-clothed pussy, inhaling and licking her through the fabric. Rey is a whiny mess against the sheets, hair in every direction, full body blush. She hopes he thinks she’s hot because, god, she’s never sen anyone like him.
Kylo takes of her panties and immodestly begins lapping at her cunt, no warning or hesitation, making Rey give something of a moan and a yelp. Her hand goes to his hair, feeling the luscious locks between her fingers. His hands go to her ass, lifting her up slightly so he gets a better angle.
“You’re… too good… at this…” She manages between breaths. Rey would bet anything he’s smirking against her.
Kylo uses his nose to rub at her clit before alternating between kitten licks and sucking on it. It takes no time at all for Rey to come. So quickly, in fact, that she would be embarrassed if she could move. Her whole body is on fire as he licks her through it, occasionally using a hand to brush at her nipples. The tears streaming out of her eyes and drool gathering at the corner of her mouth must make her look ghastly, but Kylo doesn’t seem to mind.
When he finally sits back, still between her legs, she can make out the bulge from earlier, now even more prominent.
He’s looking down at her, at the mess he’s made of her, and against every instinct, she lets him.
“I don’t normally come that fast,” she tells him. Her voice is quiet even now, and she knows it’ll be strained tomorrow. Good, something to remember him by.
“It won’t take me that long to come, either,” he admits, having the kindness to look sheepish as he says it.
“Then what are you waiting for?”
Kylo represses a smile.
He gets off the bed, shucking his pants, underwear, and socks off in one felt swoop, leaving him gorgeously bare before her. If she though the bulge was impressive, the real thing is even better. His cock is red and pointed upwards as he stands across from her. His hand goes to pump himself a few times, smearing the precome along his length. Rey can’t help but reach out, whole body going with her as she opens her mouth to bring Kylo towards her. His hand stops her, gently, and she looks up at him in confusion.
“I want to suck you off,” She tells him, brows still furrowed.
“Later,” he tells her.
Kylo pulls her back up the bed with him, so that he hovers over her as he kisses her again. She still taste herself on him, but can’t find the heart to care. Her hands go to wrap around him, feeling the thickness for herself. Huge is an understatement. But Rey’s always been ambitious.
She pumps him a little, feeling him nearly whimper in her mouth.
“You gonna let me fuck you, baby?” he murmurs.
“Yes… yes please…”
Rey feels his hand come over hers as Kylo slots himself between her legs and aligns his cock to her core. He slides in, slowly, stretching her the whole way. She pants against his skin, digs her nails into his shoulder.
“Tell me if it’s too much.” His voice sounds strained, like he’s holding back from her.
“It’s good, daddy… so good…” she pants.
He whines some curses against her skin as he finishes seating himself inside of her.
“… so good, sweetheart. Takin’ me so well… taking your daddy so well,” He mumbles, pressing kisses to any part of her skin. Rey can already feel the beginning of another orgasm itch inside of her, and for the first time in a while, she has no doubt that Kylo will get her there.
“Daddy… you can move… please,” She’s breathless as she asks him. He groans above her and rest his forehead against hers.
His hips being to move, still slow, but making her breath hitch ever shallow thrust.
“Tight… so tight for me…” He mumbles. Rey takes a minute to look at him, really look at him. He’s flushed, skin damp, but he’s still so very handsome. Moles dot his face and she can’t resist using a hand to trace them. His hair tickles her nose, so she pushes it back behind his ears, which are a bit too big for his head but she adores them.
Kylo lets Rey take him in, but gets her attention back to the moment with a quick snap of his hips.
“Can you come again?” He asks, and Rey nods. His mouth depends on her neck, sucking hickeys to every patch of skin it finds, as he pushes into her. She can feel the bump of his cock every time he bottoms out, a sensation she’s never felt before, and it makes her clench him every time. His hand skates down between them to get to her clit, and he quickly begins rubbing her there.
“Gonna let me fill you with my come? Gonna be a good girl and hold it all in? Can you do that for me baby? Huh?” His words send shivers down her spine, aiding in his pursuit to get her to come again. She mumbles incoherent words of approval, trying to tel him “yes, yes! I’ll be your good girl!” but speech fails her at the moment.
But Rey knows Kylo understands what she’s trying to say.
She feels his rhythm falter and his hand speeds against her clit. She tightens her legs around his hips, trying to wordlessly tell him she’s close too.
“Please, baby, please come for me…” His voice is desperate and strained and makes her shudder. Her hips find purchase against the base of his cock, in combination with the movement of his fingers, and she’s thrust into the abyss again.
Kylo holds her against him as she comes, whole body vibrating, and he follows after her. He grunts against a pillow as he comes, and Rey is distantly aware that he’s actually biting the poor thing. His come is hot within her, and she feels him pulse as he keeps slamming his hips to hers. The slapping of skin slows as she feels his body let go of the tension, and Rey is boneless beneath him.
He lays on her, still half-hard inside of her, as they come down from their mutual high. They are both breathing so heavily that speaking is out of the question, at least for a while. Kylo pulls out of her, and a mad rush of fluid starts to leak out of her. She clenches, remembering his words from earlier.
Part of her expects a coldness afterwards; after all, that’s what most sex has been for her. Once he’s come, he leaves. It’s the oldest story in the book. And for all Kylo’s talk of ‘stamina’, there’s still a part of her that expects it’s just a façade.
But he doest leave her, cold and debauched, to get redressed and make a hasty exit. Instead, he plants a kiss to the side of her jaw and rubs her torso sweetly before helping her sit up. She’s weak, and he knows it.
“We need to get you cleaned up,” He says when she slouch against him. She mumbles something unintelligible into his skin. Instead of getting rough with her, Kylo just soothes her. “Women are 38% more likely to get a UTI if they don’t pee after sex. That’s not a parting gift I’d like to give you,” he elaborates.
Rey sighs, but lets Kylo get her to the bathroom.
-
They sleep in spurts.
For a few hours after their first time, before Kylo wakes her with the incessant press of his hard cock into her abdomen. (He takes her even more slowly that time, sleepy and still blissed out. He comes before she does, but he uses his fingers to get her there, still.)
A few hours after that, Rey makes good on her promise to get her mouth on him, waking him with her mouth already working him. (His come tastes bitter and tangy, but she swallows it because it’s his.) She sits on his face afterwards, letting his tongue get her off again.
The next time she wakes, Kylo is kissing her chest, licking at her now oversensitive nipples. There’s a faint light peaking through the windows and Rey knows their time is coming to an end. She runs a hand through his hair to indicate she’s awake now, but he keeps on in his pursuit. Only when her chest spit-covered and shiny does Kylo seem satisfied with his work, and lifts his head to look at Rey.
“Good Morning,” She mumbles, voice strained as expected, and still groggy from sleep. He hums his response, and presses a sweet, lingering kiss to her lips.
Rey glances at the clock, noting its just past 7, when they both sit up in bed. Kylo goes to say something, but is cut off by the grumbling of Rey’s stomach. Her cheeks heat as his voice falls silent.
“Sorry… I haven’t eaten since yesterday morning,” she admits. Kylo’s brow furrows for a moment, but the dark expression passes fleetingly.
“Let’s rectify that first, shall we?”
-
The breakfast menu for room service is extensive, and Kylo orders one of everyone instead of actually looking it over. Rey can only half-heartedly try to tell him it was too much, when her eyes catch a glimpse of the fluffiest looking waffles she’s ever seen. Kylo had only kissed her head and ordered before walking into the shower.
It arrives in record time, a result, she’s sure, of the high-class hotel he got for them. The room, which she’d been too preoccupied to notice last night, is opulent. A bit gaudy for her taste (were gold curtains really necessary), but Rey was in no position to complain. She hesitated to put on actual clothes, instead opting for the plush robe that hung in the wardrobe.
Rey is half into the whole meal when Kylo emerges from the bathroom, towel hung low on his hips and hair still damp. Rey bites her lip so hard she draws blood. He sits across from her, picking up the two plates she hand’t touched.
“Greek Youghert and fruit? Don’t you want a waffle? I saved some whipped cream for you.” She extends the aforementioned whipped cream, earring her a slight smile from Kylo.
“You’re very kind, but no thank you. This is what I eat every morning,” he tells her. Rey scrunches her face. Kylo pours himself some black coffee too, and Rey finds the will to keep her mouth shut.
They eat in companionable silence, Rey scarfing down whatever her hands touch, and Kylo methodically eating his healthy-dude breakfast. Rey notes that neither of them are on their phones; it’s perhaps the first meal she’s had with someone in a while where that’s the case. Like everything else that’s made her heart flutter with him, she tries to ignore it.
Once the table is thoroughly pillaged, Kylo gets up to get dressed and says nothing when Rey hops on the bed and continues to watch him. He’s not embarrassed by nudity, clearly, and tosses the towel away for a solid 5 minutes before putting on underwear.
He’s fully dressed shortly and applies some product to his hair that has writing in french, yet Rey is still wearing only the robe and probably still has his come on her thighs. And other areas.
Part of her thinks he’ll just carry on with his routine as if she’s not there. He’ll pack his suit from the night before and leave the room without an second glance her way. Much to her relief, she’s wrong.
When he’s finally ready, Kylo turns toward her, leans down, and plants a soft kiss directly on her lips. It’s an infinitely more affectionate gesture than she had expected going into this, but a welcome one all the same. He stares fondly down at her when their lips part.
“The room is yours to use until 4 P.M., but I remember you have a noon curfew,” He tells her. Suddenly, Rey regrets telling Rose to call the national guard if she’s not physically in her presence before the clock strikes 12.
“I guess I’ll make do,” She teases.
They fall silent again, and for the second time that morning Kylo goes to say something, but falls short. The silence becomes too much for Rey to bear, so her cursed mouth opens of it on volition.
“I’m not sure how these are supposed to work… one night stands, I mean,” She admits. Something in Kylo’s face falls, but Rey can’t quite tell what.
“I don’t have much experience with these either,” he tells her. Rey shuffles onto her knees, so that they’re both eye-level, and extends her hand. Kylo looks at it with a hint of confusion mixed with amusement.
“Well, you’ve been a wonderful reddit-fuck. Thank you for posting,” she says, giving a mega-watt smile. He sakes her hand.
“And you’ve been a wonderful reddit-fuck-respondent. Thank you for critiquing my going about soliciting sex.” Rey opens her mouth in an exaggerated offense, but Kylo cuts her off with another sweet kiss.
She melts into it, holding his hair with her hands, letting herself mold to his torso as his tongue swipes her lower lip. The kiss is wonderful and hot and sweet all at the same time and makes her head spin.
When it’s over and she’s caught her breath again, a pang of nervousness infiltrates her consciousness. It’s over, it whispers, you’ll never see him again if you don’t do anything. He’ll leave, just like everyone else, if you let him.
“Do you have any more meetings?” She practically shouts at him. Kylo looks confused for a moment, so she goes on. “I just mean… if you needed someone to help… prepare you for your meetings, there’s a chance I’d be available.” Her voice grows softer as she keeps talking, suddenly feeling like an idiot for suggesting that at all. Before she has a chance to spiral, Kylo brings her back.
“I do… I mean, I will. That would be… very gracious of you, to offer you help.” She bites her lip to keep from smiling too hard.
“Okay, good.” She nods at him, relief washing over her as she realizes she might not be the only one who doesn’t want to let this go.
It’s a new feeling that probably shouldn’t be attached to a person whom was very clear about their desire for a no-strings hook up, but Rey has always had a preference for things that are challenging.
Kylo Ren seems as good a challenge as any.
-
follow me on twitter!
#reylo#kylo ren#ben solo#rey#star wars#sw#reylo fanfiction#daisy ridley#adam driver#smut#fluff#5+1#fsnfr#my works#chapter 1
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heyy!! i really like your work and think you're SUPER MEGA cool, and hope you get REALLY good at animating!! drawing is the first step, so making it move is the next haha. (once i save enough for a tablet i'll practice a lot!!) but i have a question: how do you improve as an artist? do you actively seek out critique or does it come with time and sub-conscious decisions to not do the bad thing anymore? what did you do? love you, keep fredding on!! ----some stupid idiot who wants to be anonymous
thank u anon this is super sweet!!! it means a lot<3
also ive been an animation student for 5 years now so i know a little bit but probably, less than i should.....i do Not practise enough
as for tips! let me try and compile a short list of things that help me!
• u hear it all the time but its true-practise practise practise!!! sketchbooks, digital, whatever strikes ur fancy. practising is the MOST important thing u can do
• understand and research the basics. you dont need to be an expert on anything, god knows im not, but its good to know a bit! this includes but isnt limited to:
colour theory! why colours go together, what colour schemes look good, etc. heres some basics on it! personally
[i also find symbolism of colour just as important. obviously symbolism varies from person to person and culture! but heres a quick guide on the usual symbolism of colour. if something sounds wrong to you though, mess with it yourself!]
tthe form of subjects-this means drawing basic shapes, and using them to construct [basically] anything! the idea is its much easier to draw and move around a series of cubes and cylinders, than a whole human body. heres a guide on how form works.
draw a box is a challenge recommended to me by my lecturer for improving on drawing shapes and forms! i highly recommend it!
value and lighting are important! heres an explanation on value. im not sure much can be done to cheat lighting and value, except for master studies (we’ll get to that shortly!) and observation.
the most useful tip on value ive learned, is to turn your art black and white, and see if it all has enough contrast without colour. if not, time to work on the values!
composition, babey. how subjects are arranged in a piece. heres a bunch of stuff on it [im still learning this one...rule of thirds i will Die for tho]
anatomy! this is the hardest shit. i still dont get it. my lecturers recommend andy loomis [heres a pdf of his figure drawing book] idt his way was quite up my alley, but u never know!
• speaking of anatomy-life drawing is an INCREDIBLY useful reference. so goddamn useful, u dont even know. they help u figure out anatomy! this includes gesture studies, and more detailed things. i recommend googling how a typical life drawing class goes down/tips for it
life drawing classes are very difficult to access atm, so here are a couple of online resources! [all of these will obv contain nude bodies]
croquis cafe-contains free videos that simulate a life drawing class! videos are more useful than images. has a variety of ethnicities and body types, which is wonderful!
line of action- a site with a variety of images on figure drawing, animal drawing, as well as hands & feet, expression/face focus, and environmental things. you can set it to play as a slideshow for as long as u like, or set it up to be similar in timing to a real life drawing class
online stock photo artists such as senshistock, who has compiled a useful little list of similar accounts over here!
• reference reference reference!! references are so incredibly useful, and anyone who tells you using a reference is cheating is wrong on every conceivable level. reference from photos, from movies, from videos, everything.
something ive had to do in every level of art education is recreations and master studies.
this means collecting artists work from professionals-be it historic painters, movie screenshots, concept artists, anything!
it makes you focus on their compositions, how the lighting works, the colours used, pretty much everything.
this is useful bc it can 1: get you out of your comfort zone and 2: make you use new techniques you might never have considered
online tools such as designdoll and justsketchme have poseable models for you to pose as you please and reference from! suuuuper useful, especially for perspective poses.
• experimentation! fuck around. use brushes youve never used before, try a new medium, collect every free sample from the craft store and just Do Shit with it.
• absorb every goddamn piece of art u have ever come across, and save what you enjoy.
and i mean save everything you enjoy. u like a movies lighting? a certain shot? an outfit? a random piece of fanart u came across? save it! look at it, figure out what it is u like
make a private pinterest board or a folder on ur computer, save everything.
absorb and yank bits from art u enjoy. obviously dont imitate someones entire style, but if u like the way someone draws hands, or noses, or eyes, reference it. recreate it. see what u like, and incorporate it into ur own art
art is a big mess of taking things u like and making it ur own
• study professionals! animations, artists, illustrators. they know what they’re doing.
heres a useful resource with a lot of rare concept art from animated movies! i go here a lot.
buy art books, or acquire pdfs of them, im not a cop, i dont care
• as for critique, i do look for critique, and pay attention to it, but it’s important to know not to take it personally. and i recommend asking people whos opinions you value!
i think thats all i can think of right now in terms of General Art....
if u want me to elaborate on anything or show me art, ask for help or just talk art stuff [character design is my fav and my speciality, ive been studying it for a while 👀] please dont be afraid to dm me or just send me another ask!
best of luck anon, i rly hope this helps! :D
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modular "ethics":
a wrong and two rights make a right
<<I've been known to cause outrage by suggesting that people who really care about something shouldn't have romantic relationships. Think what would happen if I dared to suggest that those people should also seriously consider getting castrated. That would be crazy! And who am I to suggest that basically everyone claiming to be doing good is faking it? Then people would feel bad about themselves. We can't have that!>>
https://squirrelinhell.blogspot.com/2018/02/men-have-women-are.html
previously i talked about an infohazard about altruism that seemed to fuck with grognor. it feels useful to pass by the dead and look at their lives and choices.
i dont think that castrating yourself is a good intervention for doing stuff you care about, like this is patchwork constraints for an unaligned optimizer. if you arent altruistically aligned from core values, castrating yourself wont make you more aligned.
the "altruists" having babies thing is actual insane and pasek is right about that. pretty much all of society will try and gaslight you about this the way sometimes people are gaslit about "i need to have sex with lots of attractive fems to keep up my moral so i can do super good stuff afterwards.". like if people want to do good for the world it will flow out as a continuous expression of value not some brent dill kind of deal that institutions like CFAR accepted until there was too much social pressure for them to maintain this facade.
the entire premise that morality is this modular thing and you can help set the utility function of an FAI while being a terrible person, is wrong. yet organizations like CFAR keep thinking it will work out for them:
<<We believe that Brent is fundamentally oriented towards helping people grow to be the best versions of themselves. In this way he is aligned with CFAR’s goals and strategy and should be seen as an ally.
In particular, Brent is quite good at breaking out of standard social frames and making use of unconventional techniques and strategies. This includes things that have Chesterton’s fences attached, such as drug use, weird storytelling, etc. A lot of his aesthetic is dark, and this sometimes makes him come across as evil or machiavellian.
Brent also embodies a rare kind of agency and sense of heroic responsibility. This has caused him to take the lead in certain events and be an important community hub and driver. The flip side of this is that because Brent is deeply insecure, he has to constantly fight urges to seize power and protect himself. It often takes costly signalling for him to trust that someone is an ally, and even then it’s shaky.
Brent is a controversial figure, and disliked by many. This has led to him being attacked by many and held to a higher standard than most. In these ways his feelings of insecurity are justified. He also has had a hard life, including a traumatic childhood. Much of the reason people don’t like him comes from a kind of intuition or aesthetic feeling, rather than his actions per se.
Brent’s attraction to women (in the opinion of the council) sometimes interferes with his good judgement. Brent knows that his judgement is sometimes flawed, and has often sought the help of others to check his actions. Whether or not this kind of social binding is successful is not obvious.>>
https://pastebin.com/fzwYfDNq
<<AnnaSalamon 2/6/09, 5:54 AM
Aleksei, I don’t know what you think about the current existential risks situation, but that situation changed me in the direction of your comment. I used to think that to have a good impact on the world, you had to be an intrinsically good person. I used to think that the day to day manner in which I treated the people around me, the details of my motives and self-knowledge, etc. just naturally served as an indicator for the positive impact I did or didn’t have on global goodness.
(It was a dumb thing to think, maintained by an elaborate network of rationalizations that I thought of as virtuous, much the way many people think of their political “beliefs”/clothes as virtuous. My beliefs were also maintained by not bothering to take an actually careful look either at global catastrophic risks or even at the details of e.g. global poverty. But my impression is that it’s fairly common to just suppose that our intuitive moral self-evaluations (or others’ evaluations of how good of people we are) map tolerably well onto actual good consequences.)
Anyhow: now, it looks to me as though most of those “good people”, living intrinsically worthwhile lives, aren’t contributing squat to global goodness compared to what they could contribute if they spent even a small fraction of their time/money on a serious attempt to shut up and multiply. The network of moral intuitions I grew up in is… not exactly worthless; it does help with intrinsically worthwhile lives, and, more to the point, with the details of how to actually build the kinds of reasonable human relationships that you need for parts of the “shut up and multiply”-motivated efforts to work… but, for most people, it’s basically not very connected to how much good they do or don’t do in the world. If you like, this is good news: for a ridiculously small sum of effort (e.g., a $500 donation to SIAI; the earning power of seven ten-thousandths of your life if you earn the US minimum wage), you can do more expected-good than perhaps 99.9% of Earth’s population. (You may be able to do still more expected-good by taking that time and thinking carefully about what most impacts global goodness and whether anyone’s doing it.)>>
https://www.greaterwrong.com/posts/4pov2tL6SEC23wrkq/epilogue-atonement-8-8
like opposing this isnt self-denying moral aestheticism or a signalling game of how good you can look (credibly signalling virtue is actually a good thing, i wish more people did it by for instance demonstrating how they win in a way that wouldnt work if they werent aligned. whose power seeded from their alignment.). its like... the alternative where people do things that it makes no sense for an altruist to do and then say that when they go to their day jobs they are super duper altruistic they swear; compartmentalizing in this way ...doesnt actually work.
people who want to obscure what altruism looks like will claim that this is moving around a social schelling point for who is to be ostracized. and that altruism as a characteristic of a brain isnt a cluster-in-reality that you can talk about. because it will be coopted by malicious actors as a laser to unjustly zap people with. these people are wrong.
both EA and CFAR are premised on some sort of CDT modular morality working. it is actually pretending to do CDT optimization because like with brent at each timestep they are pretending to think "how can we optimize utility moving forward?" (really i suspect they are just straight up mindcontrolled by brent, finding ways to serve their master because they used force and the people at CFAR were bad at decision theory) instead of seeking to be agents such that brent when brents plans to predate on people ran through them, he would model it as more trouble than it was worth and wouldnt do this in the first place.
CFAR and EA will do things like allowing someone to predate on women because they are "insightful" or creating a social reality where people with genetic biases who personally devote massive amounts of time and money to babies who happen to be genetically related to them and then in their day job act "altruistically". as long as it all adds up to net positive, its okay right?
but thats not how it works and structures built off of this are utterly insufficient to bring eutopia to sentient life. in just the same way that "scientists" who when they arent at their day jobs are theists are an utterly insufficient to bring eutopia to sentient life.
<<Maybe we can beat the proverb—be rational in our personal lives, not just our professional lives. We shouldn’t let a mere proverb stop us: “A witty saying proves nothing,” as Voltaire said. Maybe we can do better, if we study enough probability theory to know why the rules work, and enough experimental psychology to see how they apply in real-world cases—if we can learn to look at the water. An ambition like that lacks the comfortable modesty of being able to confess that, outside your specialty, you’re no better than anyone else. But if our theories of rationality don’t generalize to everyday life, we’re doing something wrong. It’s not a different universe inside and outside the laboratory.>>
--
to save the world it doesnt help to castrate yourself and make extra super sure not to have babies. people's values are already what they are, their choices have already been made. these sort of ad-hoc patches are what wrangling an unaligned agent looks like. and the output of an unaligned agent with a bunch of patches, isnt worth much. would you delegate important tasks to an unaligned AI that was patched up after each time it gave a bad output?
it does mean that if after they know about the world and what they can do, people still say that they specifically should have babies, i mark them as having a kind of damage and route around them.
someone not having babies doesnt automatically mark them as someone id pour optimization energy into expecting it to combine towards good ends. the metrics i use are cryptographically secure from being goodharted. so i can talk openly about traits i use to discern between people without worrying about people reading about this and using it to gum up my epistemics.
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Aight so I guess I’m doing a session review?/Prediction?/Analysis of how I think @neonwolfeh session might go.
So starting this off with the premise:
It’s a normal session with no specific prototyping fuckery or trolls or whatever. and I got some brief character summaries:
Ross, Heir of Doom: Ross is a jaded, angry guy who just wants to have -One Good Daytm-.
Luca, Rogue of Life: Pretty upbeat, tries to make the best of every situation (and does not succeed).
Kase, Seer of Rage: Fuckin edgelord, thats p much it. Full of hate and will say slurs.
Abby, Witch of Hope: Basically a shoujo anime protagonist, awkward and peppy and sweet.
Odin, Prince of Time: Embodiment of nervousness and jumpiness. This guy needs a nap and a hug.
Niko, Knight of Space: Like Dave Strider if he was as suave as 2012 fanon interpretations said he is.
And now for my takes on them:
So starting off my initial impressions of the session are complete failure, mostly based on one thing. Odin, the Time player. While he sounds decent enough of a guy you have to understand the reason that every session requires a Space and Time player to succeed. Technically speaking, only a Space player is needed to overcome the wall of creating a new universe. The Time player is needed because the game is just that hard. The image I get of Odin is that he won’t be actually doing much Time traveling, likely too weak-minded to believe that he could pull things off. A lot of pressure would be resting on his shoulders and he needs to answer. As I said in my Patrick Star analysis, I believe that he’s going to be wasting a lot of Time. For different reasons here though, he’s still destined to procrastinate. That is likely going to get people in his session killed. Sburb is hard and everyone involved needs to be doing their part to beat the game.
My analysis doesn’t end with that though. We still have 5 other players to throw into the mix! Moving onto I’d like to talk about the cool cat Niko, the Knight of Space. So inherently here we have a contradictory classpect. The Knight is a protector, in their session they are supposed to cooperate with their Space player to breed The Frogtm. They are meant to be a companion. The Space class is one of solitude, barring their frog breeding partner. Space is a vast domain and both Jade and Kanaya spent most of their time alone. It’s one of their themes. They spend time worried about the bigger picture that with the smaller problems that their teammates deal with. Likely, they are very alone. And that makes me wonder, how much of the “Cool Guy” is real and how much of it is, well, him being lonely? Or a defense mechanism because of that? Keep yourself distant and aloof because that’s where you’re going to end up anyways. No reason for people to get hurt, sort of deal.
Next I wanna talk about Luca, the Rogue of Life. I imagine her as the kind of person who is peppy to the point that it makes people uncomfortable. Trying to bring Life happiness to all of her friends by being a never ending source of sunshine. Which is all well and good, these types of people are well liked and a party falling into the traps of depression is likely to fail. That being said, I can’t help but believe that her failures come from her unending sunshine. Sometimes people just need to be sad. Life has it’s ups and down and that’s natural. People probably feel exhausted around her, much to her dismay. You must go down to rise back up. I feel like she’s probably Odin’s self proclaimed best friend and also a main source of stress for him. “You can do it!” is encouragement (He probably sees it as empty/naive), not useful advice. Her being unable to see that has got to be one of her personal challenges. She’s not responsible for rewriting everyone’s lives or fixing their problems. Those are not hurdles for her to overcome. I feel like every Rogue has some weird interaction with their aspect. As one who steals Life/steals from Life I don’t think it’s meant to be taken literally. She ain’t sucking out peoples souls. I’d say she maybe has an aura of demoralization for her enemies, kind of like a mental attack? Or it could be something more direct like absorbing Life essence through contact or something. Like a magic drain attack similar to the androids from DBZ or some equivalent. The stealing from Life is maybe... just a literal item teleportation ability? Like an actual Thief Rogue. Beyond that, she can probably bring people back to life once just like every other Life player ever.
Ross the Heir of Doom is, well, kind of a loser. but he doesn’t have to be. His main challenge is going to be realizing that his “One good daytm” isn’t just going to randomly show up. It’s something you have to work for. Once he does, he’ll probably be fine. Weirdly enough the fucking Doom player is likely the most competent out of everyone, which is really funny imo. His powers are uh. Well. One who inherits Doom/is protected by Doom. I’m shooting in the dark here despite there being a canon Heir of Doom. I’d say he maybe influences enemies to fight each other? At least early on during the passive protection phase. Later on once he awakens his powers he might be able to suck “Bad vibes” into himself, weakening his enemies and strengthening himself. That might be leeching into Thief territory but I wouldn’t know what else to say here honestly. Maybe he can fix things? Inheriting the Doom of something and taking the damage into himself? It’s up for debate.
Moving on to Kase, Seer of Rage. The dude’s probably a complete asshole. The kind that you question why you’re even friends with them. Probably racist but also hates people in general and claims that it’s OK because of that. Probably gets along really well with animals because of that too. He’s probably feeding into Odin’s insecurities, which, might actually be helping him stay until he’s really ready to time travel. But that’s not Kase’s intention (Ask him about it afterwards and he’ll claim otherwise forever.). He just want’s to be a dick and thinks being edgy or ironic is cool. As on who understands Rage he’s likely well aware that it can be useful in the right scenarios. Maybe he lets himself get taken by the berserker Rage at just the right moment and come back down afterwards. But he hasn’t really come down. You can’t just have a heart filled with Rage and hate and be a normal person the rest of the time. He can probably tell when it’s time for others to let loose as well. But likely has trouble convincing them.
Kase and Ross probably get along really well.
Finally, we have Abby, the Witch of Hope. Honestly? She sounds really basic. She’s gotta be the most “Normal” person out of the bunch. Which, when your surrounded by weirdos, is a good thing. Everyone needs someone sane to fall back on and that’s definitely her. I imagine that’s how she manipulates Hope, just giving people some reference, some piece of mind, that they haven’t gone off the deep end. Or maybe that the have and need to rethink things. She’s probably the one that’ll help Odin figure his shit out. Maybe she drafts up a plan of events he should change. Then in the new timeline he seeks out her help again and repeats this until he can do things himself. While I don’t see her as the leader of the party, she is likely the anchor. She also probably will play a bog role in everyone else figuring out their shit too. Telling Ross to shut the fuck up, Kase to man up and do something, Luca to do something productive, Niko to call her when he the loneliness starts getting to him, just to talk. Her challenges likely revolve around realizing how important she is. After all, she’s just a shoujo protag, what can she do? Everyone is out there killing monsters or solving puzzles or hacking their alchemists. Ans she’s just a plain Jane. But that’s what makes her special. Her powers are probably basic hope lasers and maybe being good at giving speeches.
So with that out of the way how would the actual session go? Well, I think there’s a lot of fighting. I imagine Kase wants to be the leader being the “Only one capable of it” and he’s not exactly wrong. But he’s also insufferable. So it doesn’t matter that he’s competent because nobody wants to listen to him. The only other options are Luca who everyone also likely can’t deal with for extended periods of time for previously stated reasons; or Niko, who is likely to busy with their own shit to also manage the party. So I think everyone has to meet up and decide that it’s probably best for Kase to be leader and that everyone should just agree to follow him and give him some advice where they can. Kase is probably actually competent. He’s likely a bad leader but an even worse follower. I can imagine him just ignoring anyone else as the leader and going off to do his own thing and fucking shit up. With him as the leader, not causing trouble and everyone else in a kind of, secret alliance I guess, the key players are going to be Odin and Abby. Odin needs to be able to fill his role or everyone dies. Simple as that. Abby needs to a) help him figure his shit out if he can’t on his own. And b) help ground everyone else (So they can solve their problems) and keep some semblance of sanity. If they can, there’s a solid shot at victory. If Odin dies before he can Time travel, well, I guess that’s that. There’s a lot of personal challenges to overcome based on a character’s classpect and I think it really comes down to, are these people/characters capable of growth?
Hopefully the way I viewed the characters was how you wanted but with so little to go on I might have misinterpreted somethings. Either way this was fun!
#homestuck#prince homestuck#time homestuck#homestuck time#homestuck prince#homestuck rogue#rogue#rogue class#rogue of life#seer of rage#prince of time#witch of hope#Heir of doom#mituna#knight of space#classpect#prince class#classpect analysis#homestuck classpect#analysis#homestuck analysis#sburb#session analysis#homestuck fan session#fan sburb#heir#heir class#seer#seer class#witch
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Letter to My 30-Year-Old Self
The year has almost come to an end and like each year I do a WHOLE lot of self reflecting. Those 2am thoughts, and late night showers hit different during those cold winter nights in December. I don’t even know where to begin... but as I lay here, I’m writing this letter with hopes of manifesting a better ending and new beginning as I move into my 30th Chapter of this thing called life. Each year we’re given a chance to start over. Would I change a thing? As of right now, I wouldn’t. Do I have any regrets? Not really but apart of me feels like I should. A part of me feels like I could have done things differently. Can I change what has happened? No, so why dwell on something that’s already been written. So with that being said, I’m turning the pages and moving into a new realm. This time I will be my own narrator and take control of my own pen. Every year is a 365 day journey of growing, learning and turning. Read along while I turn the pages.
As you know, each year strings along many lessons, but specific lessons always seem to carry on into the next Chapter. Which is why I decided to write to you, my 30 year old self. I remember creating this outlet when you were 25 and the idea of writing to myself seemed so absurd. But at the time you needed a source of inspiration, you yearned for truth and couldn’t find that in the places you were looking, so I decided that self-seeking would help you find the answers. I had hope that you would one day look back and see how much you’ve discovered and how much you’ve changed. Well since then, a lot has changed and you’re steps further than where you began. You’ve come so far on your journey yet it seems like you still have so far to go. Keep going. You’ve adapted to a whole new life that isn’t quite the idea life you had in mind. You’ve learned how to navigate through the world by yourself but don’t get lost along the way. Pay more attention to the signs and you’ won’t be steered in the wrong direction. You also must remember that people aren’t Islands and we’re not meant to be by ourselves. We’re supposed to be surrounded by the ones we love and who loves us. Spend more time with your family and friends. Maybe even consider the idea of creating your own family tree and give more thought to marriage. Although it doesn’t hold much value to you, it is a union that brings two or more people together and that alone is an enough reason to stand by the idea.
Remember when you used to be this hopeless romantic? Pain and heart break definitely changes people and although your idea of love has been distorted... Learn how to love again. Read, learn, and write more about vulnerability. You’ve been speaking on this for years yet still haven’t mastered the art. I’m here to tell you that it’s due to fear. Fear of getting hurt, fear of judgement or rejection. Either way, it is time to let your guard down and let someone in. I know you’ve tried and they all failed but dust yourself off and try again. Dust settles, you don’t. You are deserving of love. This will be your biggest task for your 30 year old self so do not lose sight of it. Right now you’ve picked up two bad habits thats done more harm than good. If you aren’t puffing on a hookah, you’re consuming a massive amount of meats and bad carbs. It’s interfering with your health and in the long run, you’ll notice the affects. Ditch them all. Go cold turkey! Your 35 year old self will thank you. Veganism and a plant based high alkaline lifestyle is what you should be moving into. You already have the knowledge and discipline along with a lot of teachings from many herbalist and healers. It’s in you.
What did I learn the most about this year? You are stronger than you ever knew. This year was a challenge for you but you still remain undefeated. You had to fight your toughest battles. Your biggest conquerors were living in your truth, speaking up for yourself and being transparent about who you are and simply not giving a fuck about what people thought of you. I commend you for reaching a new level of consciousness. You stuck up for yourself and raised your voice a little louder for the people in the back. You spoke volumes.
You’ve already discovered the importance of physical and mental health, personal self - care and your career choice. Let’s focus more energy into those things. Keep in mind that awareness is key 🔑. As I take a look back, I realize that all of those things are connected and if one isn’t fulfilled, there will be a disconnect to the rest. You have to stay well round and keep your balance. I have to give it to you for living with no expectations this year. Less disappoints, more acceptance. You told yourself that by the time you turn 30, you would have taken over the world by now. As you can see, the whole world still awaits and you’ve only gotten a few towns further. You’ve accepted that life isn’t always what you expect it to be and things aren’t going to come when you want them too which means you’re a step closer and that’s all that matter. Your hidden treasure awaits. Pay close attention to the omens that God sends throughout your journey. Continue to meditate and envision that life you desire. You know the secret.
By your 30th birthday, you should have opened your store on Eastway. Don’t stress. It will grow into something much greater with purpose, by purpose, on purpose for purpose. You’re currently putting together a Coat Drive to give back to the community and this will be the motivation you need to push you towards your next goal. You spent years working for others, with hopes of finding your own niche and vision. Well I think you’ve found it. 30 is the perfect age to bring all of it together and shine light on yourself. Unfortunately you may have to step on some toes and disappoint a few people but always do what’s best for you first. The most successful people are where they are because they don’t worry about what other people are doing. I just thought I’d remind you. I know a lot of this sounds familiar and bit cliché but you have to remind yourself over and over until the truth sets you free. The time is coming. You’re closer. Try to prioritize spending money next year and save save save. Matter of fact save every $5 bill that you come across and do not spend it. Use the money at the end of the year to take a vacation. You are going to need it because 2020, you’re going to be booked and busy. Also while you’re working hard, don’t forget to make time for yourself. Health is wealth. Take care of yourself first.
Networking and public speaking is something you really have to focus on next year. You might be more of an introvert these days and not want to meet new professionals, but suck it up buttercup. It's a skill that you will only improve with practice. Connect with people who are older and wiser, even with your parents who you rarely get to see or speak with. Talk about how life was before you can remember, like growing up in foster care, or your Mom college experience or your Dad growing up in New York during the 70s or 80s. Embrace the details of their story because it becomes a part of your story. Think of it as recollections. Those details are part of the reason why you are who you are today. These are simple task that comes to mind but no pressure. You will grow into the person you desire to become. You’re destined for greatness. I already see the willingness to change and the improvements. I’m so proud of you already. Here’s some things to focus on as we roll into those 30 somethings:
1. Continue to question everything and believe in what you see and not what you hear.
2. Stop acting like you’re never wrong and always right. You’re Not!
3. Don't settle. Career...Marriage...Where you live. Don't settle for anything less than what you truly desire.
4. Exercise. Drink water. Read. Sleep. Call your family more.
5. Don't put all your energy into superficial relationships. Quality over quantity. Focus on the bonds with the people who really get you.
6. Say yes to as many new experiences and opportunities as you possibly can.
7. Don't apologize for saying what you feel and being who you are. #SorryNotSorry
8. Just wear the fucking bikini and snap a few pictures while you’re at it. Don’t forget to frame it.
9. Broken hearts DO heal in time. It will pass.
10. Focus on becoming the best version of yourself, smile more, abandon your ego, and live your best life.
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fr the poem questions: all of them >: )c
jared... only for you...
the tyger – are you a taker of calculated risks or do you enjoy playing with fire? would you rather ask for permission or forgiveness?
i am a major rule follower, i am not at all adventurous and i like to stay in my comfort zone. my life is a mix of staying true to my comfort zone and doing what I feel is right, first instinct.
i carry your heart with me – do you believe in fate? what’s your secret to living a good life?
i tend to not believe in fate, it tends to make people not take responsibility for their actions and it leaves a bad taste in my mouth; predestination takes away humility from us. and i wouldnt say that im currently living a good life, its getting there but more often then not i would not describe my days as ‘happy’, more so just another day. but to make a day not outwardly bad, i firmly believe in having a really good breakfast in the morning and taking a shower at night. both of those really make my days better.
i wandered lonely as a cloud – what does nature mean to you? where do you feel most at peace?
nature for me is what comes to us instinctively and what we turn to for comfort in trying times. i feel the most at peace either at summer camp or in my bedroom with my cat :3
blackberrying – what were your early years like? do you miss being a child?
my early years were very happy, i was a very happy and funloving child. it was a time where i wasnt told about any of my family drama so i lived in blissful ignorance. i definitely miss being a child, all the way up to about 7th grade. its just been downhill from 8th grade and on.
ode to a nightingale – how do you feel about your own mortality? do you believe in life after death?
my mortality is something of a burden i carry with me everyday, a reminder that every minute is precious and this is the only life i get, i have one shot to not fuck it up. i dont believe in the afterlife, the concept of death is something that if i think too hard about then itll fuck me up.
hope is the thing with feathers – what gives you hope? what would you tell your 10-year-old self?
hope comes from those news stories about good news, like charity donation goals being hit and remembered anniversaries and flower bouquets in public, there is good in the world and sometimes its hard to find but its always there. to my 10 year old self, i would tell her to not hold too tightly to those around you, and that life constantly changes so dont get too attached or comfortable because itll prevent you from growing in the future.
the road not taken – do you find it hard to make decisions? what regrets do you have?
its really hard to make decisions because i always assume that my ideas are wrong or bad so if someone else takes the lead, i cant be blamed. as far as regrets, i wish that in my past, i just put myself out there more. i couldve spent highschool actively seeking for possibilities instead of sulking and wishing they came to me. they dont ever, you have to find them.
still i rise – what's your relationship with yourself like? what are your best qualities?
i have a bad relationship to myself; if i admire one trait about myself, the other traits must be less than. for example, if i think i look nice one day, then i remember abt my grades or my writing and how much i hate both of those. i can never be fully at peace, it will never be enough to sate my psyche. my ‘best’ qualities depend on the day, right now i think i have nice eyelashes.
howl – can you express yourself freely? do you feel smothered by societal norms?
i struggle everyday to be my genuine self. its not so much societal norms but my own mind; i want to look nice but i dont want to attract too much attention. i want to be remembered but not for how good my ass looks or whatever. my biggest fear is that people see me as something desirable but only sexually so i want to dress how i feel but i cant because im terrified of the gaze of men on my campus.
the raven – are you in touch with your feelings? how would you describe the relationship between emotions & rationality?
im extremely in touch with my feelings. i can acknowledge when i am angry or sad or happy, even if i dont know why. i allow myself to feel my feelings and then let them pass, i hate bottling those things up. between emotions and rationality, i use my emotions 9 times out of 10. i ask myself, ‘what do i want?’ and the first thing i come up with, i know is what i truly want to do.
sonnet 116 – how do you define love? what qualities do you look for in a significant other?
i think love is everything; its the warmth of hanging out with familiar people, its when people remember facts about you, its a meaningful hug and its ‘this reminded me of you’. its different for everyone but i feel love in everything i do. in a significant other, the biggest thing is being able to make me laugh, if youre funny than im sold.
to autumn – what's your favorite season and why? what cherished memories do you associate with that season?
my favorite season is winter because it has lots of holiday warmth, good food, pleasant childhood memories, and comfortable clothing. also i love snow. i have very vivid memories of a blizzard in maryland when i was 11(?) years old, my neighbor tied a sled to the back of his ATV and dragged us around the cul de sac, it was so much fun!!
the waste land – do you like big cities? if you could choose any place on earth, where would you settle down?
i love big cities, they evoke so many feelings of love and the atmosphere being surrounded by people makes me so happy! if i could live anywhere, i think it would be san francisco, i love the city and the weather and the public transportation!!
o captain! my captain! – what are your aspirations in life? what motivates you?
in life, i want to give a tedtalk. i would also love to publish a book but i dont like what i write so if i ever did, id end up hating the book anyway in a year or so. i want to teach people the joy of public speaking and i want to give kids the joys i had given to me by my teacher when i was their age. my motivation comes from, this has to be done and if no one else will do it, it might as well be me. i have the passion and everything else will follow after that.
she walks in beauty – what's your aesthetic? how would you describe the relationship between inner goodness & outer beauty?
id describe my aesthetic as lovecore, i love the color pink and red and hearts and flowers and teddy bears and dresses and sparkles and valentines day and i love everything stereotypically ‘cute’. and i feel there is no outer beauty without inner goodness, if someone has bad intentions or a rotten core, their outward appearance will reflect.
one art – how do you deal with loss? do you write diary entries, poetry or prose?
thankfully i have not had to go through tremendous loss in my life but when i feel an emotional loss or general low point, i tend to move towards art, aimless doodling to take my mind off of situations. it centers me.
work, sometimes – how does your favorite weather make you feel? what is happiness to you?
my favorite weather makes me feel SO happy, all smiley and giddy and like things are going to be okay, just for one day, i will make this a good one. happiness to me is comfort and joy, its something that makes you laugh until your sides hurt and its art that you look at and feel. happiness isnt a huge moment, its little moments scattered throughout the days.
acquainted with the night – do you think there's such thing as the right time? what’s your outlook on the world?
no, i dont like to set things off for the thought of there being a right and wrong time. time isnt real and we only have so long on earth so there is no time but the present. go get that tattoo, ask them out, eat that snack. my outlook on the world is that there is a lot of bad shit but there is also a lot of good shit you will never see but it important nonetheless. you cant change the world in a day so you might as well take it one day at a time, working everyday to make it as good as possible.
if – do you daydream a lot? are you volatile, or do you stay calm when conflicts arise?
i love to day dream, it helps me determine what i really want and its a lovely distraction when the goings get tough. i try to avoid conflicts in every situation possible but if i were pushed, id either accept my mistake and apologize and work towards a better future; or i would tell the other person how im feeling and what i can do to help them feel better.
what would i give? – do you cry often? if you could change anything about your past, what would it be?
things make me sad but rarely enough to cry, things more so tend to weigh me down then break me. i let the sadness take me however it sees fit. and if thats to cry, so be it. if i could change anything about my past, i would just say that you will only get this chance to start over in a new state once, the years will go by quick so to TAKE OPPORTUNITIES WHEN THEY SHOW THEM SELF TO YOU!!!!!!
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Did the best moment of your life happen at summer camp?
I didn’t go to summer camp.
Do you get tired of fakebook?
Fakebook, ha. It’s whatever. I don’t spend a lot of time on there, honestly. I just spend a few minutes a couple times or so a day scrolling through the feed and “like” some stuff.
Are you a poser on facebook or are you real?
I don’t post a lot of personal stuff on there. I actually rarely post anything at all anymore. Like I said, I mostly just scroll through the feed “liking” stuff. I sometimes share a funny or relatable post, but that’s about it.
Are you a people pleaser?
I mean... I don’t want to upset anyone or having any confrontation. I’m usually pretty agreeable with most things to avoid any issues. I’ll go along with what they want to do even if it’s not what I want to do (for the most part). I just don’t want any problems and it’s just easier to do those things. So, according to Psychology Today, avoiding conflict, agreeing with everyone (or pretending to), and finding it hard to say no are some of the top 10 things people who are people pleasers do. Another is not admitting to someone that your feelings are hurt, which is also me. But then also I’m not someone who has to be liked by everyone or seeks everyone’s validation. I feel like I do those things above because of the whole confrontation/avoiding conflict/not wanting to cause any issues thing and not because I want to be liked by everyone if that makes sense. Not to say that I don’t want to be liked, but... I don’t know. Whatever, you get what mean. Or maybe you don’t. *shrug*
This response was so unnecessarily long, ha.
Do you get irritated a lot?
All the time. I’m very moody and irritable.
What’s something you’ve realized about yourself lately?
Nothing new.
Do you know a lot of idiots?
No, but I hear about and read things where I’m just like....yikes, wtf is wrong with some people? It’s alarming.
Do you want a puppy or a kitty?
Aww I love puppies, but I have a doggo and one is good for us.
Do you hate that some people are stuck-up?
I certainly don’t like if someone is stuck up and rude to me. Or really, just that way in general to people. It’s not a cute look. I hear the horror stories from people I know who work with the general public and wow. People can really be just so unnecessarily rude and cruel.
Would you rather be poor and humble or rich and snooty?
I definitely wouldn’t want to be snooty. Can I be rich, but humble? ha. I’d be appreciative. I’d give back. I wouldn’t think I was superior to or above anyone just because I had money.
Do you know any humble rich people?
I dont know any rich ppl, lmao . <<< Ha, same.
Do you hate the millennial stereotype?
I don’t pay much attention to that stuff.
Does your religion or spirituality teach you to love your enemies?
Yes.
Do you love your enemies?
I don’t have any enemies.
Do you struggle to love your enemies?
Do you get bullied frequently?
I’m my only bully.
Do you often wish you could go to sleep and not wake up until something good happens?
As hard as it has been these past few years, I wouldn’t want to miss everything. I wouldn’t want to wake up one day and my loved ones are all much older, or worse. I wouldn’t want to miss the important things in their lives.
How many people do you know who are suicidal?
I don’t know. You don’t always know that about a person.
Do you read advice columns?
No.
Have you ever used a dating site?
Nope. I’ve never had any interest in doing so.
Do you want a fairy godmother?
No.
Do you enjoy watching talent shows?
The only one I watch is The Voice.
Which cartoon character would you want to play you in a movie?
Wait…if there was a cartoon character playing me, then wouldnt they simply be modeled after me? <<< Good point.
What is something you do not understand?
Why I’m like this, the things I’ve gone through/are going through, life... a lot of things.
Do you think cars are ugly?
Some are.
What is your favorite musical?
Sweeney Todd.
Are you ok?
“I’m nooooooooot okay. I’m not okay, I’m not o-fucking-kay.”
Do you ever feel God’s presence?
Yes.
Do you believe in angels?
Yes.
What is your favorite magazine?
I don’t read any.
What color hair did your favorite Barbie doll have?
Most of my Barbies were blonde, but I had a few brunettes.
Who were you rooting for in the very first season of American Idol?
Kelly Clarkson.
Do you believe in miracles?
Yes.
Have you ever been to a tea shop?
Yes.
If there were a tea shop in your city, would you go to it?
*shrug* maybe.
Do you still have your Christmas decorations up?
Yes. It’s barely January 2nd, chill out Old Sport.
How many pairs of jeggings do you own?
Zero.
Do you have any memories that are painful?
Plenty.
Do you make a habit of taking risks and stepping outside of your comfort zone?
Ha, nope.
Is your life boring?
Yes, but I don’t have the energy or motivation to do much and I do like doing the things that I do. It works for me.
What is your favorite thing to follow on tumblr?
Blogs that post stuff related to my various fandoms, relatable and aesthetically pleasing things, and of course surveys.
What are your favorite Pinterest boards?
I’m not big on Pinterest. I go on there sometimes to find cute pics and wallpapers for my phone, but that’s about it.
Is your Pinterest profile cluttered?
No. Like I said, I don’t much on there. If I find photos I like I just save them to my phone.
Do you wish you owned more board games?
Yeah. I love board games.
Do you wish you had visitors more often?
No.
Do you hate our culture?
Lol, this jst reminds me of that one post thats like “no U live in a society. I live at my mom’s house”. Except in my case, its my dad’s house. And like I said above - I feel rather shielded from the world at large. Its almost as tho Im watching a movie unfold from afar <<< I can relate to that.
Do you live in the USA?
Yes.
What accent do you like best?
British or southern accents.
What are some things you would like to do this summer?
Ew, I am NOT thinking about summer. It’s barely January, please let me enjoy this winter weather.
What are some things you love about spring?
The rain.
Are you feeling optimistic today?
No.
When was the last time you did something that made you feel stupid?
I feel that way a lot because of things I have and haven’t done and the ongoing, lasting effects of those things.
Is there anything that you’re questioning if you’re allergic to?
No.
Do you believe everyone should be treated with respect when you first meet them?
I’m polite and civil to everyone I meet.
Do you hate that nobody cares?
About what?
What websites shut down that you miss?
Xanga was great for surveys. I’m also sad I lost all the surveys I did on there.
What were your favorite websites when you were a teenager?
I spent a lot of time on Myspace. There was also this Jonas Brothers website that had message boards and a chatroom, which I spent a lot of time on as well.
What was the best class you took in high school?
English and Spanish.
Are you happy?
No.
Would you ever enroll in a college class just for fun?
No. I’m done with school. I have no desire to go back, not even for just an elective.
Do you feel free to be yourself?
Yeah, pretty much. This is me, take it or leave it.
Do you stand up for yourself when needed?
Depends.
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me/beliefs
I’m a 14 year old centrist/right wing, and these are what I’m for and against. (No offense to anyone else/my values do not hurt anyone)
ANTI MAP/NOMAP/PROMAP
If you have the desire to touch kids, your time would be better spent touching the cold inside of a jail cell. All pedophelic relationships are abusive even if the person claims to be a “nomap.”
Anti tucute and transtrenders
Mental illness is never something to ignore so you can have an “aesthetic.” You invalidate trans people who have struggled, and you are inherently sexist by further instilling that male and female is just a “culture” rather than the safety you feel in your body.
I am transmed
Meaning I believe gender dysphoria is something in the brain, which can lead to a longterm feeling of discomfort in your body. I completely support those who want to help themselves and will back any trans person looking for surgery. The choice is theirs to make. Even though transmed technically implies surgery is needed, I will respect the persons pronouns even before they get surgery as long as they are considering it. Because I know three issues off the top of my head: it could be unsafe at their age, it could be unsafe due to familial reasons (transphobic parents), or they could want to consider it for years to make sure they don’t back track. There are also more reasons so of course no matter how long it takes, I will chose to use the pronouns they want.
I only believe in two genders. However, I accept those who do not wish to disclose their gender. I mean, it’s your private parts. Of course I won’t force you to talk about them and I hope you live the happiest life. I also totally understand those who wish to go by they/them, just ask me so I know to not misgender you.
I’m not a trump supporter
If I don’t know too much about a subject, I won’t talk about it but I am curious to learn someday. (This is why I won’t say I am or am not a Hillary fan. I actually never got to learn much about her therefore idk)
I do not like illegal immigration but DEPORTATION IS FUCKING ATROCIOUS.
Here is the simplist way to explain why I don’t like illegal immigration:
Imagine you work hard, and someone else slacks off and recieves a promotion. That's infuriating. But I now stretch this to a larger point, you work hard to make money to leave your country and go through the entire legal system tediously. Then another guy sneaks into the same new country doing zero of that work. Do I think the illegal immigrant should be punished though? Heavens no. Absolutely not. They could have been escaping poverty or war, drought or famine, a harsh family life, anything. And they could be an amazing person. I just think the legal way to immigrate should be made more open and friendly for people in rougher countries. I have nothing against the illegal immigrants themselves.
Anti terf
An mtf who has gender dysphoria, a serious condition, is curing herself. Not robbing your three year old daughter’s tea set. Chill tf out, Sharon.
And an ftm who has gender dysphoria, a serious condition, is curing himself, not writing “women have cooties” on your feminist pride parade sign and then ninja'ing into a male, Terri
“Radical” is the scariest word to hear before anything involving politics. I’m sick of “radical ___.” I believe compromising is much safer and a healthier viewpoint to live by than extremism of either side. This mindset shoukd stem from childhood with things like "sharing is caring."
Guns and clothing depicting real guns should not be allowed in schools, period. The gun part is a “no shit” moment, but if I could change the school dress code, I would add this rule and get rid of the truly bs “no crocs” rule.
I’m pro choice
I want to better the foster care/adoption system
Anti-anti vaxxers
That kid’s life has been given to you and it asks for protection, not to model your ill-thought-out agenda.
Anti incels
Companies should be regulated to reduce pollution, and they should contribute to a greener earth.
If a company distributes paper or glass to an area, that same company must be willing to pay the price to make it recyclable at their plant. Otherwise, it cannot be in that area. This practice will be repeated until eco friendly companies begin popping up all around us.
In a perfect world, an opinion’s value is based on how well informed the person is of that opinion. Not on race, class, religion, gender, or orientation.
Bi/pan are the same, and if you prefer the term “pan” because of the spelling or flag, then alright. But like again, meaning wise, they are the same and the only difference is superficial.
I’m all for body positivity that supports people who have lost limbs, burn scars, or are recovering from an unhealthy lifestyle like anorexia, bulimia, or obesity. Body positive does not equal “oh you look beautiful killing yourself” so I personally would never congratulate someone for cutting themself, or severely under or over eating. I will offer help until they tell me they want to end it like this, in which case I wont force you to do something you don’t want me to.
Abusers should serve for half or more of their life! All if it lead to fucking suicide. Domestic, child, animal, relationship. Abuse is disgusting from mental to physical. Go ahead and block me if you believe abuse is not an issue.
Rape is one of the worst crimes in humanity. It can happen to anyone.
The three crimes I hate the most are MURDER, RAPE, and FALSE RAPE ACCUSATION. the first two are obvious, but the third one is up there for a good reason. False accusation means "fake." You are lying to fuck up somebody's life on purpose. A rape claim can damage somebody throughout their entire life and that's not even the end of the problem with it. You invalidate true rape claims. You think rape is such a sweet little subject that's so "fun" to toy with. And you know what? Fuck you with all of these murderers and rapists and abusers.
Though I am not anti-gun, more control is needed. For example, training, liscenses, harsher punishments to those who obtain a gun by illegal means, and a gun should not be carried outside of your household unless you have a specific reason for that too. Like a farmer, police dude, or hunter
Do not slut shame prostitutes.
Making prostitution illegal only makes it harder for these people to seek help and get other jobs. It does not end prostitution.
Marijuana is not a criminal offence, quit locking people up for it.
Tax is not that hard to write on the damn price tag. Please mark it as $5.12 if it really isn’t $4.99
Gender dysphoria is a valid health issue so trans people should still (and always) be supported in the military.
There should be more sidewalks. And bridges that go over roads with ramps for people in wheelchairs or strollers, this is to reduce car emissions from the car needing to stop, and even better, it reduces the chance of a young child being hit at a crosswalk. Getting around by foot will be so much easier.
These are the most important things to teach in school
-how to prevent stds
-mental health
-why vaccines are safe
-how to get a job
-how to take care of your home and life after you're 18
-the core subjects
-civil rights movement in full detail so the newer generations are impacted by the struggle and where we are now in america
-secondary language
-world cultures
(This is just what i can think of off the top of my head)
You dont have to block me if you disagree. Infact, im open to anyone who wants to be friends. I dont care if we're different politically because thats not the first thing i see abour people. If you want to debate with me then lets do it. Also if you have questions, hmu. :)
#poltics#trump#anti terf#anti map#transmed#truscum#feminism#radical feminism#education#belief#anti shame#body postivity#trans#trans politics#gay rights#equal rights#human rights#rightwing#left wing#centrist#centrism#leftist#rape#gun control#anti tucute#tucute#transtrender#anti abuse#anti vaxxers#anti incel
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Lmao what was your problem with Black Panther and Homecoming???
well, The movie itself wasnt bad, was simple and kinda underwhelming in my opinion, it was over hyped. The problem I have with Black Panther for me is T’Challa.
I was so hype for the guy in Civil War, I was fuck yeah this dude is going to be amazing. but then I was disappointed. and here is why, In my opinion he was very hypocrite. He spent the whole movie seeking revenge because the winter soldier killed his father, but when he sees that zemo also wanted revenge because the avengers killed his family, he suddenly change his mind??? why?? dude! you were like him just a minute before… and in that scene nothing happened for you to change your mind other than seeing yourself in this dude, the logic path would have been going after the avengers because they killed this man’s family that caused your father’s death.
but okay, I couldnt judge him with only one movie, so I waited for Black Panther, and was nervous because all the reviews said it was amazing, that was weird, nothing bad? not a single critic? no movie is perfect.
the movie was okay. Wakanda was amazing, everything about wakanda was great, architecture, clothes, culture. I loved Wakanda so much that i was sad when they leave to Korea, I was “no please, stay in wakanda i want to see more!”. I loved Shuri so much! I was smiling every time she was on screen! and Okoye! she was amazing and fun and did you see her rock that dress???! I even liked the gorilla people of the mountains! and Killmonger was such a cool villain! but this is the MCU, of course they are going to waste him.
again, the problem I had wasnt about Black Panther the movie, but with Black Panther the character. he didnt change from civil war, how old is he? sometimes he acts like a responsible adult and king and others like a silly teenager?? he was the whole movie saying that wakanda must stay hidden and then he decides to open to the world? you know you are putting your people at risk?? I was so happy when Thanos snap him outta existence! because it means that now Shuri is the Queen, Shuri is now the Black Panther! Good Job Thanos.
In other hand, Im not Black nor from the USA, so it didnt had the same impact culturally for me, but I understand its importance, Black Panther for you wasnt just a movie, it was an event, an statement, a movement, and its great, I really hope this movie opens the door for more black talent in Hollywood. but for others countries, who doesnt have the same reality as USA, Black Panther was just another marvel movie, and most of the people I know went to see it because was the last movie before infinity war. most people I know went to see it because the soul stone had a high chance to be there, Black Panther was just another chapter in the infinity gauntlet story.
and for Homecoming the answer is simple, I dont like Peter Parker that much, and I didnt like the fact they took so much from Miles Morales and give it to Peter… dude, your boy Peter has a lot of story to take from, dont steal Miles’ friend… and that “Flash” it was so obvious he was supposed to be Harry Osborn, and whats with all the fake bullying? dude, both of you are fucking nerds, stop, this doesnt make sense! and I was kinda disappointed that, even with this so amazingly diverse school, didnt see some characters pop in the background like lets say, Gwen Stacy, Miles Morales, Kamala Khan, Amadeus Cho, Robbie Reyes, Cindy Moon, Ava Ayala, America Chavez, Teddy Altman, and even with some time travel/magic you can have Billy Kaplan and Tommy Shepher…
Im not saying giving them a casting or a line, but a teacher could have dropped some names as a neat easter egg, you could have Kamala introduced here to hype Captain Marvel even more, you can have Miles, Gwen and Cindy all get their powers in the same incident with Peter, you can have Amadeus since him mom already show up in Ultron, and with that you can introduce a new Hulk
Other than Peter not being my favorite character, the movie missed so many opportunities to build the MCU…. and the movie at times was so damn boring, most of the people were using their phones and i didnt care, I enjoyed seeing the nudes the guy front of me received.
I think another thing it helped was I dont like comics focused in one character, Im more of a team guy, I love reading about relationships between members, either if they are romantic or just friends, and how that relationships have a weight in the story and affect it, Thats why I dont like Batman but I love the batfamily. or I dont like Wolverine, but I love his kids so much. I love teams so much, I love Young Justice, The Runaways, Young Avengers, Teen Titans, Titans, The Justice League, Justice Society, CW’s Legends of Tomorrow, Power Rangers, and the list goes on. I love Teams and Interactions.
in conclusion, did I hate the movies? no. did I had problems with them? yes. Im I saying the movies were bad and no one should like them? fuck no! who the fuck am i to tell you what to enjoy? if you like it, go you! Im really happy for you. the movies just were bad for me.
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Silver Lining| Min Yoongi
Life has its hardships especially being fresh out of college luckily you have a gummy smiled friend to help you with your struggles. You managed getting a shabby apartment with a shared bedroom and when worst comes ends up having to share a cold shower as the warm water is shut off. Things arent going so pleasant as the electricity follows off too but the most treacherous of all, you being able to face what your feelings might actually hold. But your just friends right?
Warning: Smut, cursing, stuff, Best friend Yoongi!, So much friendly bickering like damn just fuck already
Genre: Smut and fluff
Word count: 13.2K Got a little carried away..
A/N: A wild update appears. Okay this damn comeback needs to back the fuck up. Yoongi looks like a meal and bighit is now becoming a jin stan everything it beautiful. School sucks thats the main reason my updates are late as hell. also i found this promt on pintrest but switched some shit. ALSO i am supposed to be doing homework but needed to update please pray for my grades. ALso my teacher was talking about college and im not even a senior so you need to calm the fuck down with that damn word. Okay im done
Oh and you know i had to get a blue hair yoongi on the screen.
Having a longing companion was a necessity to a longing life. Having someone to share the necessitates you were used to sharing alone. The feeling of having another comforting body against your side defeating the odds always seemed appealing. It was often rare for something to come along like so. You would rather find a needle in a hay stack then finding something as extraordinary as other couples demonstrate so. It was never an easy task to accomplish as everyone seeks for so, making your chances limited.
I soon accepted this fate and decided on second best, another companion that seemingly resembled the same. A best friend was well suited for my need, as they held the same traits but still remained rather different. A significant other held the qualities of love and romance as a best friend held the traits of honesty loyalty and bundles of fun. No argumentative sides or going a long period without talking as being away from the seemed like the end of your whole soul. I needed someone to rely on and cherish without that sexual desire yet it seemed almost impossible to find. I was hovering over ever possibility i could get, still lost in the endless hay stack.
Problems and situations seem to work out for you as soon as you stop seeking for the alternative, this played in my favor. I had reached the start of my first college class. The stress had already been pending the feeling of venting to someone was much needed. I took a quick seat near the door hoping to plan my escape as soon as it all ended. I was one of the very last people to enter the room before a loud closing door drove the dread from my head. The room had already been filled with eager students ready for the ending of the class already. Most students were held in the front taking in the professors important words while I sat in the back struggling to keep up with ever aspect he covered. Meaning that there was much more available seating held in the back, conveniently directed next to me.
The boy who most definitely appeared to be late to class sat next to me carting a seemingly big coffee cup filled with a strange substance that didn't seem to be coffee. The professor didnt bat an eye to his presence as he continued his lesson for the people who seemed to be paying attention. He went on about useless things that i managed to keep track with ignoring the cramp in my hand before the boy beside me decided to make his input.
"I'm going to fuck die due to this class."
He took a long drag of his drink displayed in his coffee cup letting out a small belch. I chuckled at his statement as i had been experiencing the same but somehow managed to keep a collective exterior. on the inside i was ambushed with all the notes we had to take this being the first day. He managed to let himself catch a breather as i directed my attention to the window trying to drown my sorrows with warm bodies roaming the campus.
There were some people who were sat against the trees alone soaking in the slight breeze that was displayed that day while others roamed making new connections while others already had them. I could already imagine myself out on the campus seen soaking things in trying to befriend everything that had been combined in my path. I saw college as a wonder filled experience, a chance to make new connections and roam new areas. I had been less worried about my school work as i had thought i would have it packed down and ready for the surface.
"It certainly is wonderful to see new faces but i hope it is equally as wonderful that everyone completed there summer essay as it is a key necessity to get a good start in the year."
Everyone went digging for this assignment he assigned us. In my opinion the essay was rather easy, stating the simple joy the art of food gives me. Talking about the history of food and the ingredients needed to make a certain dish pop. I had no trouble with the assignment but i did have a problem locating where it was placed in my backpack.
A set of panic was forming in my chest. I always hated that feeling but it rarely comes around as i normally have things prepared. I was seemingly expecting the same thing to always happen but the feeling of dread only engulfed my being. I began frantically looking for what I was longing for no longer having the need to patiently look as my professor was making his way up the isle rather quickly.
I began rummaging through out every inch of my book bag before i heard the small clearing of a throat signalling for me to met the bored eyes of our professor. I had removed my hands rather slowly away from my bag remaining eye contact as i was afraid at what may lay if if i dropped the sudden eye contact. My eyes slowly detached from his as i took in his strong posture seemingly intimidating as well. His arms laid crossed as if he was bored with the simple thought of me and my first impression I had been making for myself.
"Well, Ms. I presume you don't have your basic necessities for the first day of class. Seeing as you don't even have the first day essentials i suggest you leave my class before you make a fool of yourself."
He had certainly been blunt making me cower back in slight fear. I tried not to show that emotion as much as he seemed to feed into that only proving his point more. I wasn't suited for a class where he would judge off of my simple movement and my trying efforts. I truly did want a future for myself but his cold state was sure to make things feature more intense. I proceeded to grab my bag slowly making myself get up hearing the squeak of the chair run against the marble floor making me cringe.
It had been eagerly silent as i was on my going exit to the door before a longing voice broke the silence. Behind the professors cold eyes held a black haired boy behind him, the same boy I had observed with the coffee cup and iconic words following along with it. He didn't even clear his throat as he stood up and stated bits from his mind not afraid as I was.
"Are you seriously going to do such a thing from impulse. You arent supposed to give up on a student especially on the first day, you are supposed to push the student into excelling. You clearly got your bullshit degree from your ass as you go off things from the top of your mind rather than thinking them out like a logical person. So what she forgot a project that was assigned weeks back the point is that she worked hard on that as you can tell from the anxiety hurdling from her body. Let her show you what she can prove and not just kick her out leaving a longing impression like this. You dick."
Talking about his bullshit degree and him being a dick had certainly been the icing on the cake setting it all in. He was surely brave enough to state his opinion freely something i had admired right off the bat besides his attractive appearance. The professor seemed stunned by his words but tried to keep his cool as he was in charge of this whole operation. He still held a fuming exterior as the male keep his stance not afraid on what the professors input had entailed.
"Well mr. Min thank you for putting in your opinion but it surely isnt needed. Since you want to take the opposing side why dont you and ms. L/N please direct yourselves from my class room. Im sure the both of you wont be successful in life anyway as you are choosing this path."
The person who i presumed was Min smiled sarcastically wanting to seem more powerful then him as he grabbed a hold of my hand and exited the classroom. He held onto my hand firmly marching making sure to hold eye contact with the professor. As we left the room I stood in the hallway not knowing what was coming next till it hit me. He practically lost his position in this class just for my sake. Ultimately i felt like utter shit.
"You know you didnt have to do that, you know stick up for me. You didnt have to just leave that class because of that."
He had already began walking to where ever his destination held before he turned back to take in my speaking thoughts. He walked to where I was rather slowly still sporting a bored expression on his face. i hadnt known if that was permanently engrossed on his face but i took it as it was. He still held an attractive face as he had sharp facial features. I focused in on these details as he began talking.
"I know, its just something i chose to do. He was acting like a dip shit and frankly I didnt even want to join that dumb ass class. History of food isnt a topic im very well interested in, just needed an extra class is all."
He nodded off with his answer not thinking anything of it however as he finished i realized what had been done. he might have not liked the class but that class was sure enough to make a career at what i found a passion in. I had realized that this big impact that I had made had determined my whole future. It had been the first official day of college and i was already setting myself up for failure.
"Oh my fucking shit, this whole situation is fucked. Im going to become a bum at the age of twenty-one."
I had been running my fingers through my hair as Min had been looking at me curiously before he examined his cup that laid in his hand. He still held the same expression on his face as he directed the cup in my preferable vision signaling me to grab a hold of it, which i did hesitantly. I examined the cup before putting it against my lips.
"You definitely need that more than me."
I felt the energy drink disguised in a coffee cup slide down my throat. I had been taken back at the taste expecting it to be another substance but still took it as i needed the offer. As I handed the cup back to him he put his arm around my shoulder bringing us closer as we walked down the hallway together.
"If you keep sticking around me ill promise you energy drinks and friendship."
It seemed like an offer i most definitely couldn't refuse. I had been seeking for such thing for so long and for it to commence so easily and he certainly held up to his promise.
Since then the person who i now address as Min Yoongi had been the one to stick by my side till the end of our college days. We never made any other friends as we felt that having each other was merely enough. After school I would help him with his music and cook him cheap foods i found in the 'great value' section. We had been feeding passion to each other yet even after college we had no idea how to presume this. None of the less we chose to stick together and not question what might happen in the future as we had each other.
There were certain hard ships but in the end we always ended up by each others side even as graduation approached. We stood in the big crowd conjoined together as even after graduation we managed to stay together.
We were young adults not knowing where our path of life would take us. We settled for a cheap apartment that held a window view of brick walls and a single bed with limited space. I remember the first night being the most exciting as it was our first time together on our own home. Yoongi was anything but excited as he eyed the TV with a bored stare awaiting for my dish to be finished.
I had managed to cook up a cheap but exquisite dish as i sat it on the coffee table with a wide smile as Yoongis eyes went wide as well. He looked confused by the dish displayed in front of him deciding if he should eat it willingly or push it to the side. My eyes met his with a slight of worry wondering if the food was questionable itself. I had been fresh out of college with a culinary degree yet not processing any information i learned from my classes. I definitely could use some practice but as of now the exhibit in front of us would have to due.
I sat down on the coach picking up one of the plates as Yoongi still let his lay cold and full on the table. I held my plate in my hand awaiting for him to take a bite but he just stared at me with blank eyes. It surely was making me feel insecure about what i prepared making me slightly pout. I knew this action would make Yoongi feel some what guilty which was fairly rare but he still manged to huff and grab a hold of the plate.
I waited for Yoongi to take the first bite as the savory flavor hit his mouth. I took notice of his face as his lips wrinkled before turning to me with a soft smile nodding his head at the quality. turned back to my food praising myself for my efforts before my taste buds engulfed the flavor of the stale food. I spit it out rather quickly turning to Yoongi who mirrored my actions.
"Thank god you spit that out, Cooking isnt for all of us."
I took Yoongis words in accepting that fact that my cooking was certainly below average. I definitely praised him for even holding the food in his mouth as for the first bite i nearly vomited from the displeasing taste. I still held a sad exterior as i was met with realization of my efforts. I had expected to much of myself and thought i could do things when i certainly couldn't. The professor was most likley right about me, i couldnt make it anywhere in life due to my efforts.
"Hey dont let it get to you, we can just order pizza."
I nodded slightly still feeling depressed about the whole ordeal. Yoongi slowly put his hand on my back rubbing slowly. Yoongi was always awkward in these situations not knowing how to take in my sadness and how to enhance it to happiness, however him just being there for slight support made things ever more better.
"Im sorry if i was harsh on your cooking you know how weird i am about expressing stuff. Please dont be sad or mad or any of this pointless shit, youre still my lil chef."
I smiled at the nickname Yoongi conjured up as i thought back to the memory. We had been laying in my dorm room watching Ratatouille when the red headed chef addressed the rat as little chef. I rolled my eyes as he began laughing his breathe away at has terrible joke comparing us due to our small interest.
"Come on that was funny."
"We must have different senses of humor because im not impressed by that comment."
"Whatever im a fucking genius."
Yoongi groaned putting the covers over his face grumbling about how hes Superior and other things that didn't add up.
I smiled at the memory looking at Yoongi dialing the number to the nearest pizza place. I focused on the pout that formed on his lips as he managed to say through out every sentence as the permanent pout was displayed on his face. It shook me on how his interior remind tough and sluggish sporting every honestly brutal opinion he could muster while his exterior displayed of a small fragile kitten. Min Yoongi was my best friend and i knew certain things he didnt know about himself or certain things he didnt want to accept. I hadnt known what i would do if a time would come if he wasnt apart of my future anymore. It was always us in any problem even when one of us managed to conjure it up.
"What the hell is wrong with you, were getting pizza so the taste of your sad food should drown your sorrows."
Yoongi smirked as he grabbed the remote changing the channel to the kids network. I shoved him slight getting up to scarp the food i had attempted to prepare. I held both of the plates in my hand as Min Yoongi watched me walk off to dispose of them before i made my way back into the living room with a comment back.
"You're the reason why my food taste like shit."
Yoongi snapped his head facing in my direction from my comment . He looked slightly offended as the cooking truly was terrible and him begin the key reason for it didn't make it any better. I knew he wouldnt do anything Jurassic about it besides saying a few comments back. He wouldnt go the extreme measure of actually wasting his energy and putting his time into getting me back. He did however deliberately use this to his advantage as he through a pillow.
Yoongi began snickering at his success as i used it to my advantage to through the Pillow right back at him. His face complexly shifted to a cold stare watching as i was now the one laughing. I clutched on my stomach as he huffed in the background while i sat down next to him giving a sarcastic smile. He still keep on his stone cold face bored by the whole thing not finding it entertaining in the slightest.
"Your lucky I cant get up or else you would have expressed the pain brought to you by Min yoongi."
"Oh no not that."
"I fucking hate it here."
Yoongi only huffed and groaned even more for me not taking notice of his so called genius and opinion. I knew his comment hadn't been real as he was only joking in a strange manor however this was his thing. Switching up how he actually felt. I knew he liked living with me and the small bickering conversations that were held inside of our cheap home. I secretly knew how much he loved every bit of it as did too. Even though he boiled my blood to the point of death he always revived me to the complete point of it being all over.
"I swear on my fucking life if you keep on talking about this bullshit interview im going to jump out of that damn window."
Yoongi and I had been sharing the bed we purchased but I was using it for everything else but sleep. I was anxious as to what was to come of the morning.I was upholding a new job and was going in for an interview. It had been something i was looking forward to but also terrified of doing so. I knew it would offer me grateful opportunities but i wasn't confident enough to take them into my hands. All these thoughts were flooding my mind and i had the need to express them to someone preferable to the person sleeping conventionally placed next to me.
"But the Window has no view, there for youll only get a face full of brick."
"Ill take my chances if that means i wont have to finish this conversation."
I huffed ruffling my hair making a pout form on my lips. I truly was stressed about the whole ordeal and questioning why I even managed to hand myself this position that i seemed eager for at the time. I was confusing myself and what i wanted only making my head swirl, resulting in things for me to do.
"I think Im just going to not go at all."
The midnight air had enhanced everything as i came to my conclusion. Even as the dark atmosphere filled our room could still see the shocked expression displayed on his face. I hadnt known on why he was so surprised. He wasnt fond of the topic which i understood as it was late but he never showed such interest any other time. It added to the other ideas roaming around my head making the stress increase more. In senescence i shouldn't have been stressing over this as he was finally showing the slightest bit of interest and was going to share his honest opinion. I knew his opinion always held the truth as he saw nothing wrong with his truth.
"Oh you are most certainly going to be attending this interview. I did not just waste a good amount of my sleep to listen to you go on about this damn interview. There are somethings in life that we dont want to do but we have to go through it to open new opportunists. Once the darkness comes in the light will slowly consume you over time. Just please go through with it."
I smiled softly at is input. Rather he knew it or not i surely did help me and impacted my conquest in a positive light. It was times like this when i appreciated him most and pushed the times i questioned our friendship to the far back of my mind. He really was by my side in ever situation possible and was there to attempt to make the broken remade. He made the sadness slowly transform into a lighter tone. I appreciated him but thoughts still consumed my mind as i couldnt make use of them even after Yoongis helpful statement.
"But what abo-"
I was silenced by a pillow colliding with my face. This action instantly shut me up and furthered anymore of my speech. Min yoongi left the pillow on my face as he curled up and attempted his well needed sleep. I pushed the pillow off of my head holding a bored expression on my face not fond of his previous action. I knew i had been talking excessively but I still didnt deserve a pillow to the face as it wasnt needed. With all the problems still swimming along in my head I began to twist in the bed. I wasnt able to say anything to make things harder than they once were. I couldnt keep still as every bad thing consumed me before i felt Yoongis arm sweep my mid section and places me on his chest as i cuddle up to him.
"You need to stop letting the thoughts get to you. You'll do more than fine you'll do amazing and if they didnt take you then they passed up an opportunity of a lifetime. Therefore you wont have to worry about anything as you have no need to worry about something that wont happen. now please can we get some sleep its a key necessity that i get this done in my daily life."
Strangely enough i agreed to his comment. Cuddling against his chest as the cotton rested against my cheek making me drift off into a state of oblivion. His hand had rubbed my lower back tracing small unknown patterns. He hummed a soft tune falling into utter bliss as i followed soon after. I hadnt had the worry or doubt in my head as i felt comforted by the situation of him being in my presence.
I had woken up rather early as the thoughts came back only managed to commence back into my inner thoughts. I slowly attempted to remove myself from Yoongi trying not to wake him as his sleep was a force to be reckoned with. I had already created the anger from last night as I keep him up more than usual due to my mind. I hadnt intended to due so but it so majestically happened to make an appearance. I teared myself away from him as i made my way to the closet unfolding the nicest dress shirt along with a skirt to make myself seem semi professional. I huffed looking at myself in the mirror taking in my appearance before i notice Yoongis curled up body in the background. I turn my head to gaze upon him smiling lightly as the reassuring words referenced my mind.
"What are you doing up so early?"
I meet the gaze of Yoongis slightly opened eyes and parted lips struggling to make sense. His ruffled bed head had been messily laying on the pillow along with his lower half jumbled up in the covers.
"im gonna make us some breakfeast."
"Really? It looks as if your checking out my beauty."
Yoongi smirked at his comment running his fingers through his hair tiredly. I rolled my eyes at his cocky behavior but couldn't stray away from it as he was slightly true. In assent i was minding my business taking in my appearance when i noticed his in the corner of my mirror. I couldn't help but take notice at his cozy up with his longing blanket. His face laid uflushed as he was drifted in a warmness of sleep but as of now his face lied with a smirk ruining his sleepy state.
"Min Yoongi you make me wanna become a lesbian."
"Glad i make you feel that way, wake me up when breakfast is finished."
Min yoongi grabbed the covers that once lied at his lower half up to his upper to the point of covering his whole head. His body had been consumed by the covers and he took advantage of the bed while he had it all for himself. I left him alone with his sleep as i prepared a bowl of cereal. We had been low on groceries as we had little to no food and only enough cereal for one bowl. It appeared that Yoongi would only have his daily energy drink in a coffee cup.
I placed the finished product on the table taking a seat on the stiff couch and turing on the TV. The TV had still been programmed on the child network and it seemed slightly interesting. it surely was pointless but yet still managed to grab my attention into a clouded fog. I had been so drawn into the TV that i didnt notice Yoongi walk sluggishly with the blanket wrapped around him till the coach sunk along with him.
I hadnt paid him any mind as i crossed my legs on the couch and proceeded to eat the cereal with the bowl placed firmly in my hand. Yoongi seemed uninterested in the show as he reached for the remote rather than his coffee cup. This action made me let out a small squeak in protest making his look at me with a questioned expression. I had been confused on why he wanted to change the channel as watching cartoons had been a natural thing for us however as of now he had other interest.
"I thought you loved watching cartoons with me?"
"I do but this show is plain stupid, seriously why would a dragon win in a fight against Godzilla?"
I turned my head in disgust at his perception of the show. It was a fairly good show for children of all ages but mostly some below my age. Due to my age i had gained enough common sense in life and this excellent show, just enough sense to realize a dragon would in fact win in a fight. It often saddened me that Yoongi didnt get certain concepts and this begin one of them. Almost anyone who had sprouted a brain would understand that a Dragon could easily win in such fight. Yoongi needed to be educated on this and i was more than glad to tell him as i sat my bowl down on the table and turned my body to Yoongis as he did the same.
"Yoongi, honey i get that your education isnt at its prime right now but please gather all the skills you can. This damn Dragon can fly spout fire all while choke him with his damn spiky tail. Now that you've gathered that use your context clues and understand that Godzilla has no chance."
I finished my statement proudly believing every word of it as i was right. In theory a dragon would have a semi chance in a fight in any animal that came in its way. I sat proudly at my observation while Yoongi was slouched with his mouth gaped with slightly closed eyes taking what i said in. I knew he had something to say back but with his brain in the just awakened mood he wouldn't have much energy to fight back on me with this. He hadn't even took a worthy sip of his daily energy drink meaning he defiantly had nothing to offer besides a soft grumble.
"Dragons arent even real."
"Neither is Godzilla, Yoongi."
"Fuck you, you know my genius gets effected in the morning."
Yoongi slightly pushed me signalling that he wanted the conversation to come to an end. As he pushed me the milk from my cereal had gotten onto my shirt making the shirt dirty and see through. I grumbled as i smelled the milk reddened shirt and sent daggers to Yoongi who displayed a gummy smile attempting to make things better. The gum of his smile had been poking out profoundly making the situation less terrible. I had won the conversation we were on about earlier giving me the advantage but that still didn't fix my milked shirt.
"Yoongi can you go get a dress shirt from your dresser or my dragon will light your ass into flames."
"Oh please my Godzilla will literally stomp you to death."
Yet Yoongi still managed to get up with a sigh sluggishly walking. I had usually borrowed his shirts on occasion. They weren't far off from my size only being one up. It certainly did make things more conventional and more manageable. It was a plus as the clothes resembled of his cologne. It was a joyous smell that engulfed my nose making me feel a slight fuzzy feeling in my heart. It hadnt been what we describe as falling for someone but rather knowing that you have the one person who makes you feel better be around you the whole day. Yoongi was always blunt and honest but that was the best kind of way into telling someone the truth. That was one of the ways i was so drawn into him, as he faced his opinion and stood up for me. I always managed to think back to that day when we are in our slightest situations like these. He was always going to push through rather it be telling his opinion for me in a big crowd or letting me borrow one of his shirts. I could always count on my best friend.
Yoongi entered back in the room with a plain button up shirt. He directed in my direction motioning that i still had on my milk shirt. I gestured for him to leave the room but he didnt get the hint as he stood there clueless with the buttoned shirt displayed in his hands.
"You can leave now, dont want you seeing my boobs."
"Are you fucking serious, weve been friends for years I promise i wont get a boner at the sight of your chest in a bra sack."
I rolled my eyes slowly taking off my shirt. For the amount of times we had been friends he had surprisingly never seen me naked as have I. This made things even more intimate as silence covered our atmosphere and his eyes directed to my clothed breast. I hadnt known what to do as i held my stance while he still held the button up shirt in his hands. I cleared my throat signifying that he could hand me the shirt which he did snapping out of his presences returning back to his unmentioned stare.
I began in attempt to button the buttons displayed on failing before i felt Yoongis cold hands take my place. He had a slight change in expression almost as if he had cared about something, affection. The state scared me as it brought by him, he never showed an ounce of expression besides disgust or nothing at all. This had been new but it was certainly something to get use to. His hands had been slowly been approaching my breast as his breathe began to grow agitated. Im sure it had been a long time since Yoongi had felt the longing touch of the opposite sex.
"Thats a nice bra, really makes your boobs look fantastic."
"Yoongi i swear-"
"What your gonna get your damn dragon on me again?"
I laughed at his comment as it brought light to the atmosphere, something that i needed. The thought of the interview had resurface into my head yet again floating around with bad possibilities. I couldnt help but fiddled with my fingers giving the obvious fidget a warning to Yoongi. His fingers had finished buttoning as he tucked in my shirt and fixed my collar. I had avoided eye contacting hoping that he wouldn't notice my nerves but it was Yoongi we were talking about. He mastered every aspect of me and how it was constructed. He could point out anything remotely wrong with me and this was one of those moments.
His hands slowly made there way to my cheek making my eyes divert to his. His eyes read the affection that held a few minutes ago. This was a truly rare sight. Yoongi was rarely being genuine as he didnt like showing his true feelings to people, even being his best friend he managed to hide this from me. He went to these lengths to reassure me that things would be okay, risking his ego for me. It was a genuine thing wither he wanted to admit it or not. He did cared about people even when he didnt want to let that be known.
"I knew you may be in a struggle but i want you to know whatever happens ill be by your side. I know they will hire you or else they will surely be missing something valuable and thats there loss. When you get in the interview just keep on telling yourself how good you are for them because you truly are, you are to good for anyone. You deserve so much more than what you give yourself."
His hands had still been placed on my cheeks before he removed on replacing it with a small peck to the cheek. I smiled lightly taking in the moment before it was over. I nodded along to him gathering the information i had just received and made my way out the door giving him a longing hug for reassurance. I didnt need it but it was good enough to be engulfed by his rare aura and use it to its advantage.
The door shut behind me as I made my way down the hall before i heard the door being reopened to be met with Yoongis pale face.
"Oh and by the way that dragon you were on about is nothing compared to Godzilla."
And with that he closed the door with a small smirk and playful facial structure. He surely did make the worst of times turn into the best. Yoongi was right i didnt give myself enough credit but neither did he. People and himself often saw him a a sluggish loner who only cared about his own feelings however it stretched far beyond this. He was sensitive and caring when the time was to come and i always admired those times as he gave me strength from them. Yoongi was truly an amazing person and i wished he gave himself credit for so.
I looked at the door one last time smiling to myself at his behavior. The thoughts roamed my head about what he told me keeping it in the closest parts of my mind keeping it with me as i made my way to the interview.
I had been strolling the cart as Yoongi went on mindlessly about his gig he had later on today. I was touched on my own inner thoughts to his into consideration. Its not that i hadn't cared it was the simple fact that the interview had been playing over and over again demolishing every word that had managed to fall from my mouth. Had the words been to rehearsed or possibly unrehearsed. I had began to judge everything about every aspect of the interview even the smallest bit to my clothing. I had been grateful of Yoongis helping hand but the nagging though in my mind still knocked at my head at any possible excuse.
"Anyway, how did the interview go?"
My head had snapped to Yoongis direction who had mindlessly been walking in front of me as if his question didnt affect me. Of course i hadn't wanted to answer this as i wouldn't even answer this question myself. Well i assume i did have a basic understanding on who the whole ordeal went. In my mind it had gone terrible and i wanted to have nothing to do with the whole topic bu Yoongi gregariously brought it up. I had corrupted myself into making it much worst than it seemed but it already seemed terrible. Why not enhance that feeling i questioned myself. Yoongi and I had both unanswered questions only resulting in me driving myself closer to my insanity. Best bet was to abandon the whole conversation as it only made me think about the whole thing ever more.
"Hows your gig going."
"I already told you thats why i asked somethign about yo- wait were you even listening to what i said before?"
Yoongi already knew the answer to this question unlike his other one. Yoongi was fairly smart with his observations trying to make sure that no one takes notice in his stances and obstructions but luckily for me i did. He already knew i wasnt listening as i had all the weight on my shoulders but he went on to not ask further questions as it would only possibly break me down more. In a conversation where it was revolving around himself but he was rather thinking about my mental actions and state.
As he said his last sentence he hadnt asked anymore about it knowing what would only come from so. He may had pushed my buttons but he never pushed me off the edge. He knew his boundaries and what was acceptable. However I had still bent up anger over the dark themes it caused. I certainly knew that i was being over dramatic but i couldnt help myself to get like this when these situations commenced. I tended to make situations possibly worst by caring this mental emotion into my actions.
We had made our way to the cereal isle as we skimmed the cheapest cereals they could muster. Our favorite had been 'Astro Charms' an off brand 'Lucky Charms'. Yoongi and I had always found joy of making fun of the names they could come up with from the top of there head. They truly were genius people contributing genuine ideas for the cereal productions but atleast try and come up with your own product name. I suppose this was why me and Yoongi found showed joy and funniness out of their attempts.
I skimmed my eyes along the cereal seeking for the specific kind. Of course as i finished my skim they had been on the highest shelf possible. I hadnt been the tallest person ever and neither had Yoongi but he still remained taller than me to reach the farthest product of cereal. I groaned at my attempts to reach the cereal only failing. I tried to retrieve it once last time before placing my hands on my knees as if I had ran a full marathon. Yoongi took notice in my jumps smirking to himself behind his hand.
"You need me to get that for you?"
"How dare you judge the vertically challenged."
Yoongi shrugged to himself with a stifled laugh. He quickly went down the rest of the isle scanning any other food items we may had needed. I had stared down my computation while he did so, trying to find any possible way to retrieve this item from the top shelf without any assistants. The whole ordeal hadnt been playing out in my favor as i tried climbing up the shelfs but stopped mid way as the assumption that i would need Yoongis assistants to get down. Overall whatever plan i demised in my head included him which was basically a cycle in my daily life. Everything included him and I wouldn't even know it. I let out on last defeated sigh and accepted the eager help.
"Yoongi, help me."
Yoongi walked over with his same smirk painted on his face as it was last time but this time more evident and radiating with confidence. He felt needed as he grabbed the box of under rated cereal giving himself a well deserved hand. I noticed him standing on the tips of his toes as he reached the box making me smile to myself that even himself was struggling to get a box of cereal. It made me slightly ravish in victory in some way seeing him struggling in the same requirement as i was.
Yoongi plopped the item into our cart as i continued to stroll it him following by my side. He had been rather close and been faking intimidation for some unknown reason. I could tell as the smirk o his face turned to a more playful one signalling his joking side making me question his next choice of actions and wonder what they held.
"I would be a better astronaut."
It sure as hell was a random conversation starter as he kept his eyes on the 'Astro charms'. Im sure he pictured himself instead of the little space man directed on the box instead.However just because Yoongi thought this didnt mean it was true. What was he on about lately first it had been about Godzilla and now this topic? Obviously i would be a better astronaut then him as i held the better skill set. If Yoongi was in space and suddenly ran into an unknown species surely he would full under pressure and shoot them at any given chance he held. He was certainly unsuited for the task at hand.
"Yoongi, you know i support everything you do and what you want to become but i will gregariously take up that job position in a heartbeat."
"Y/N you both know i can jump higher than you."
"In space there is literally no gravity that shit wont matter."
"Rule fucking one of becoming an astronaut is begin able to jump cool, mostly when on the moon. So just accept it."
I sported a straight smile nagging at him in my head knowing he couldnt handle what i would say. Yoongi patted my back encouragingly trying to seem helpful in a way. I hadnt been overly upset at all just portraying so to make the joke go further and Yoongi knew this too. We always picked on each other with things even the stupidest of conversations. Just the simple conversation striking between us two was enough for us no matter the topic.
"How about this, we both gather all our saving to go to space and roam the moon hell we could probably buy the moon. Just us, together."
Yoongi proceeded to drag his arm along my shoulder bringing us closer. I was taken back by the sudden action as i swerved the cart before his hands steadied it. Suddenly we were both directing the cart lazily together with goofy smiles painted on out faces dreaming as far as our banks could take us, which wasnt as far as we could assume however we choose to live in the moment with one another.
"Get away from earths bullshit and just be with each other."
How lovely the whole aspect surrounding that idea sounded.
Yoongi and I had carried the grocery bags up the stairs heaving at each step we took to our apartment door. I dropped the bags at the front of the door retrieving my keys while an agitated Yoongi laid behind me, I had to make my movements quick. However my movements halted as i say the prominent brick red sign lying on our door. I dropped any other remaining items in my hand replacing it with the item on the door. The tape had been still attached freshly to the top of the paper as i skimmed throughout the whole paper.
"Whats taking so long."
I slowly diverted my eyes behind me looking at Yoongi who had his eyes close and lips quivering at the feeling of his arms about to give up on the heaviness of the bags. I motioned for him to put the bags down as i waved the paper in his face while he opened his eyes. He grasped ahold of the paper reading it in a faint whisper. Overall the paper was bad but it certainly could have been worse. Due to our lack in money and not being able to pay full rent our landlord decided to make the grasious decsion to turn off our warm water leaving us with coldness.
"Well there goes our savings to a trip to the moon."
Yoongi held a small frown at the idea sported only a few minutes ago was now vanishing from reality. It truly did seem like a good idea but certainly wasnt going to be an idea that could be escalated so easily. It was now a figment of our imagination but at least it was shortly lived. We still had each other which was a plus as having him around was certainly enough of an adventure.
"Well atleast we still have running water."
"Yeah but we cant use to much of it, only for a limited amount of time."
"Well i need to take a shower first because of my gig tonight and i dont feel like sweating on the stage with all those hot ass lights."
"But ive been sweating all day because of that damn interview."
"Yeah you have I just didnt want to say anything."
I looked at Yoongi with hooded eyes as he placed his gummy smile over his face making up for his previous statement. He sure was the character but that wasn't helping us with our shower situation and how it would make itself out. We both had to take a shower at this moment as it would satisfy what we needed but the problem was we were running limited on water, leaving on thought in my mind. I turned over to Yoongi who seemed to have mustered the same idea as I but i was quick to shut it down.
"Yoongi I am not taking a shower with you."
"Come on its just to save water nothing sexual."
"Okay but i swear if you pull something."
I let out a sigh as Yoongi rubbed his hands in determination for whatever reason he held. Two naked bodies in a shower together was sure to start an experiment well needed but made me feel uneasy as what it could lead to. We had been best friends for years yet nothing so opened has happened between us and i could tell Yoongi was opened to letting that streak to be broken.
"Yoongi I swear you better remove your dick from my ass right now."
"I cant just take my dick off and re attach it, sorry but it just doesn't work like that."
The beginning of the shower had been going fairly well washing up with soap and ignoring each other awkward glances however as time passed by it increased in strangeness. As we proceeded to shampoo our hair we came up with the brilliant idea to have the other person massage our head and wash out with water. It seemed good at first but know the poking of Yoongis dick seemed to drive things further south. It could have been worst as far as him getting a full on boner but just the feeling of my best friends dick so close to me made me think about certain things.
I tried to ignore the feeling focusing on the messaging has i hummed while his fingers combed throughout my hair. It certainly felt nice to have someone else take up this task besides me. I had began to let our small whimpers as the pleasure increased. I felt Yoongi stiffen from behind me at my small noises coming from my parted lips. I hadn't taken notice that i was even making theses noises till i felt the familiar object against my thigh being to become slightly upright. I halted my sounds as now the shower was filled with the patter of the water droplets hitting the chipped tub.
I had rinsed the remaining suds in my hair before turning around to now take care of Yoongis hair. However as i turned around he didnt copy my actions. His eyes soon darted down my body as mine did too. It hadnt been intentional it just happened rather quickly something that i couldnt process. My eyes ranked down his body observing every inch it could muster. I was surely flustered after doing so not sure what my next moves should consist of.
"Yoongi why didnt you turn around!"
I was quick to put the blame on him not wanting to come to terms that i was in the wrong as well as him. I did what i was doing best when i didnt want to come to terms to things. It was a bad habit for sure but it worked in situations like so.
"Well neither did you."
Shit he did have a point and I wish he didnt. Better yet his eyes still shamelessly ranked around my dripping body not ashamed of doing so. He was owning up to what he did while I hid behind his words making him eat up mine as well as his. He graciously did it without a care in the world as if it didnt have any consequences.
"You really are beautiful you know. I find it hard to believe that its been this many years and i hadnt been graced with your beauty."
What he was saying was definitely far fetched and seemed as if it all had been over dramatic but Yoongi never said anything along those lines. I hadnt even known why he had ushered those things falling out his lips. Usually he called me gross and rarely complimented me only when bad themes accrued. Never did he trail his hands along my waist let alone my naked waist. This whole thing had been new and taking big steps at something that i never saw coming in our friendship.
"Yoong-"
"Im serious Y/N, whatever happens i just want you to know that i care about you more than i have about anyone else."
It was true as i felt the same way but not to the extant he was talking about. He was in the heat of the moment and i could feel myself being drag in just as he was. It was tempting as it also felt oddly satisfying. I hated the way it made me feel and how it could risk things but I pushed those thoughts away from any of the verbal actions i could communicate.
"Listen Y/N i know were best friends so I wont do anything that your uncomfortable with and i want you to know whatever happens to use it wont change anything."
After his statement it surely sent my mind into overload. Taking up on all the different options that roamed around my full head of possibilities. I however didnt have time to answer as the alarm from the timer ad began ringing. Yoongi whipped away the remaining suds on the sides off my head before rubbing my damp hair with a small reassuring smile. I knew that this would be the last moment to be shared like this as it was there first ever time to actually happen.
Yoongi was always rare on these occations however they began to become more regular. This began to change things in a way that i couldnt put my finger on. I couldnt tell if it was strengthening our relationship or making it fade. Im liked to believe that we would be together through out everything but in certain aspects i wasnt sure of. He made me confused as hell while i stared at him drying himself off with his straight face as if the moment between the two of us never accrued. Thats just how he always portrayed himself. Pretending the moment had never accrued and never bring it up unless he wanted to.
I knew that these thought would only intensify and i would be left wondering if i could continue on with this feeling I didnt know i was capable of having for Yoongi. If i wanted to somehow follow on with this i needed to portray myself as Yoongi did to himself. Act as if nothing was happening and keep on the friendship unless i seeked for something more. Besides it wasnt important as of now. I needed to push my problems away and focus on Yoongi tonight as an important gig was surfing his way. I had no time of giving up on something as of now because it had always been me and Yoongi nothing more and nothing less.
Together we could conquer more the the earth but the entire universe including the well desired moon. No amount of money could change that.
It had been only a couple of more weeks till anything else meaningful had happened. Yoongi and I had been living out our regular days filled with playful arguments and meaningless conversations. In fact the night prier to the shower had been a rather eventful one for the both of us. Yoongi had managed winning first place in the solo musicians cafe night. His face remained stone like and nodding while proclaiming a quick thank you with a short speech. He seemed grateful but very expressionless. As for me i had been waving all of the possible limbs off of my body. I had been rather proud of him and having his talent actually gain notice, i had every right to be proud.Someone my overenthusiastic approach had left people with he idea of me having the title of his girlfriend.
As Yoongi stepped off of the stage and i engulfed him whole he patted my back lightly not sure on how to handle this affection. I could tell he was proud of himself even when he wasnt showing it on the outside. He didnt know how to react at his accomplishment or how to take them as people usually would He was left with an unreadable approach to people who hadn't come into communication with him. People would often call him ungrateful for his reactions not knowing what he a actually experiencing deep inside.
The host of the whole event took a step off of the stage and stood next to me and Yoongi. I tore my eyes away from Yoongis as they traced to the host who held a forced smile. He seemed very strained not as if he was bored wth everything but almost like smiling was his permeate job besides this.
"Suga i certainly can see a bright future and you surely are lucky to have your girlfriend to support you and your creativity."
"Shes actually my best friend."
We often got refereed to being in a relationship on occasion. It wasnt something that surprised us and neither did we take offense to it. We always were in a close proximity with one another giving off the impression but we didnt want to go as far to break that just for peoples perspective of things. This was how regular days went for us. Spending our days together and have people make assumptions. It wasn't very eventful but it was how our life went.
Now as we transformed into the weeks following things began to grow eventful. Not to the point of excitement but much rather to the brink of terrifying. I had been having a rough time at work trying to knock down the basics of each task. Things had been getting difficult and it didn't help the situation as i walked into a dark light apartment. I had been frighten to say the least as I keep on the side lamp on to refrain from the position i was in now. However when i turned on the lamp it didnt cooperate. I stood there for a second trying to find a possibility on why this would happen till it dawned on me. The landlord had turned off our electricity leaving the apartment with a darkened state.
I made my way to the kitchen cabinet to retrieve some handles and light them with the lighter.I placed the materials on the counter. I had only been focused on the task at hand not taking in my surroundings. I hadn't heard the closing off the door as i was to concentrated on lighting the candle till i felt a hand land on my shoulder and a voice.
"Why are the light of-"
I hadnt been focused on who the voice belonged to rather whos hand was attached to my shoulder and what actions would happen next. I only had one main thing on my mind as i grasped a fork in my hand and stabbed the persons hand as they let out a yelp. I quickly lit the candle and turned my attention to the person who was behind me. I positioned the candle in my hand and in there direction to get a clear vision of who the yelp belonged to.
"Ow what the hell Y/N! Did you just stab me with a damn fork."
Of course my mind had transformed Yoongi into a house invader. I quickly apologized trying to make up a good explanation. Of course i didnt have a good logical reason on why well at least not one he would listen to. Atlest his hand hadnt been seriously injured or he would have been seriously angry with me. Instead of shouting any forbidden words he wanted an explanation as to why the lights were out. Luckily that distracted him from the actions that i caused on him. I roughly explained the situation as what I could gather from it.
We had no electricity what so ever. Meaning we had no tv system or no entertainment. We had been living in an age where we depend on technology and now we were stuck without it. I placed the candles in our proximity. Yoongi had gone on a venture to find an entertainment system while i had been in charge of sitting on the floor making sure the candles didnt blow out. What a difficult task I had
Yoongi came back retrieving monopoly and a bottle of alcohol. I hadnt even known that we held those items but Yoongi managed to find them without hesitation. He placed these items on the floor in front of me as he sat across. He look at the bottle before placing it on the floor as well. We opened the box and placed the board down looking at the different colors of cards and various items. The figures were laied out across the board as i went to reach for the skate board one Yoongis hand did as well.
"Get your hands off my skate board."
"Your skateboard? Yoongi, you dont even know how to skateboard."
"That doesnt mean shit and i was the one the one who found this damn game."
"Fine."
I tossed him the small silver skateboard as he caught it with victory. I settled for a dog already excepting my disastrous fail. Yoongis eyes dotted to another figurine as he dropped the skateboard and replaced it with a tiny silver piano. He placed it on his knee and began fake playing the tiny instrument in his hand. It hadn't projected any noise as it surely was fake but Yoongi seemed like he took a few sips of the alcoholic beverage before retrieving it back. He seemingly enjoyed himself as he was pretending to play until his mouth parted and he began to spout lyrics from his agape mouth.
Yoongi had always played me bits of his sound and it seemed like this was own of his well written songs. This had to be a newly written one as it still had small errors or possibly he was to drunk to correct them in the very moment. However I still took in every word he said and memorizing it as if it was going to evaporate from my mind. No instruments had been playing yet he still manged t make it seem meaningful with just his voice.
Yoongi took a swig of the beverage after finishing such a performance. He hadnt thought anything of it as he was to intoxicated to actually take notice. I had wished he would give himself a certain amount of credit no matter the situation.
"Yoongi, that was really good."
"They dont call me Min genius for nothing."
He offered me a playful wink on tat i couldn't resist to laugh at. Maybe i had been over thinking everything and i needed to relax and not focus on things that didn't involve my input. I reached my arm out and took the bottle from Yoongi and replaced my broken words with the nap of the bottle. I felt the sting of the liquor hit the back of my throat as i coughed violently.The rest of the game had been filled with boastful laughing and liquor staggered breath filling the area.
I moved my figure lazily over the square before exclaiming what it said.
"Yoongi looks like you owe me your house."
"Your a damn cheater their is no way im giving my house to a dog."
He directed his attention to the dog figurine on the board. He lifted it up testing his theory proving him wrong. He let out a groan saying how this whole game was testing his patients. Due to the alcohol in my system i let out a small laugh and a small smile managed to crack from him. We both had the liquor coursing through our veins as nothing really mattered as of now.
"We should get a dog."
"Yoongi were broke."
"Oh we could name him Min Holly. Oh Min Holly."
Yoongi placed his hand on his heart dramatically while laying down on the floor. I laughed feeling the alcohol bubbling inside of me before we banned the game and settled on conversion. However we still remained quit soaking up the comfort in each other. We didn't focus on the bad themes of what was going on as they were surrounding us. We had millions of reasons to be stressed out but instead of worrying about these so called things we pushed them to the side and took in each other.
"You know i wrote that song about you."
"What?"
It was as if the alcohol that once lurked my system vanished completely. My once care free mind begin to move to assumption. I had an idea of the song being directed to an object rather than an actual person. It seemed weird to refer to it like that but it was an assumption that i corrupted.
"Yeah, I titled it first love out of respect to you. Certain aspects arent about you as i had multiple first loves but your the only person Ive grown an attachment to."
I could tell the alcohol had left his system as he began to speak his mind. Not completely all of it as he wouldnt actually let himself admit to something like this. He was slowly beginning to admit things more even when he didn't need to. He still didn't say everything on his mind as he saw that it wasnt needed. He would rather be alone with those thoughts even when he had me he didnt tell me certain things.He was feeling comfortable enough to actual to come to terms with this himself enough to tell me.
"What does that mean?"
I had fully known what he was hinting at but didnt want to come to terms with so. I had been struggling myself with this whole situation. I had always liked Yoongi but seeing the girls come in and out his life. It had damaged me in a way. I had always knew that i was one of the main parts of his life but just the sight of seeing him with someone else made things ever so difficult. I had always wanted to be in this position of me and Yoongi having an actual chance at something more than a friendship but as of now i had no idea what to make of it.
"It means I wrote you a song."
Yoongi had positioned himself as his elbows held him up. This way i could see his face more clearly as the candles lit across his face. His brown eyes sparkled as the flame danced across his iris. It certainly set me back to the time where i was just discovering myself becoming fond of him and his personality. I had felt something for him I couldn't feel with someone else so i asked myself why i felt so hesitant about the whole situation.
I reached my hand out for his as i engulfed his palm. I had ran my thumb across his as his eyes were glued to the small amount of affection. He never showed a sign of it unless on hard times did I as it was a strange aspect of our friendship. This however didnt mean that we never had a liking for each other we just remained more closed off to the idea. As now things were changing and maybe change was proved as a good thing.
My eyes flickered to his as his still stared at our interlocked hands. I carefully took my free hand to be placed against his jaw bringing his eyes to met mine. I took note in his appearance from the slight part in his lips to the mess black hair that laid atop of his head. I could smell the aroma of liquor still lingering from his breathe as my lips grew closer to his. The amount of space between our parted lips had been smaller then a thin string but we still didn't connect. I hadn't know what i was waiting for till I felt Yoongi lips meet mine and falling into a trance. Our lips had molded together perfectly after a longed wait. It felt longed waited after many years. Surprisingly we had never gone as far as hugging not even the most intimate of glances. We had tried to always seen each other as nothing more than friends until this very moment.
I pulled my lips away first opening my eyes lazily awaiting for Yoongi to do the same. As he did a small smile formed upon his lips but he tried to fight it as he didnt wan to show his soft side. I had found it another reason as why I had began to like him so much He couldnt fight what he felt and there were some moments where this emotion took him over so much to the point of actually showing what he felt out in the open. Of course he didnt want other people to witness this but i did. I was the reason why.
"Thank you, for writing the song for me."
Yoongi had nodded his head his eyes focused on something else. He had been concentrating on what i was saying as he lifted himself from his previous position to on his knees. He stood taller than me as his hands cupped my jaw taking in every aspect as i did him. He was feeling everything I did but this time he didnt take like as I did. His lips molded against mine yet again and was savoring each minute.
His tongue had graced upon my lips asking for entrance as i eagerly excepted. His hands that once cupped my jaw made there way down my body till they landed on the back of my thighs. He slowly used his strength to lift himself and me off of the floor. His hands had stayed firmly on my thighs as he walked to ur shared bedroom to put it to use.
My head hit the softened pillow as his warm lips still managed to collide with mine. My mind had been filled with carelessness yet again. Only few moments did i have nothing roaming around my head and he was able to unlock this. Nothing about what was to occur after this and how it would affect things. I was focused on now and what would come from it.
His hands traced along my shirt specifically the hem of my top. I knew his mind was ranking his abilities on how he could managed to take my top off without seeming overly cocky. I admired that he seemed like he was over thinking things judging his every movements but i wanted to make him feel as comfortable as possible.
I pushed him off of me slightly so we were both sitting up. I proceeded to grasp the hem of my top in my hands as Yoongis eyes followed my hands. His breathe had become slightly uneven at the sight. Things seemed to become more intense as the both of us hadn't been sexually active in quiet awhile. It certainly was riveting to be back in the state but even more better as I was sharing it with Yoongi.
I took off my shirt taking in his facial expression as he held a blank stare with his mouth slightly agape. I stifled a laugh not wanting him to seemed embarrassed. I had enjoyed seeing him in such a state and wanted to see how intense things could really get if i went the extra mile. I then proceeded to unclasp my bra making his eyes not break contact with my chest. Yoongi slightly mumbled if he could mantled my breast. I nodded along that it was okay to do so.
His lips clasped around the bud of my nipple. I cradled his head as he went on his assault on my nipple. I moaned at the feeling ruffling my fingers through his hair needing something to grasp onto as i was experiencing such pleasure. His other hand grasped my other breast making sure to include it as well. His lips slowly made its way to my collar bone to my neck and up until they connected with my lips yet again.
My hands sorted its away around his shirt. I gripped it tightly signalling for him to take off his shirt next. Yoongi obeyed taking off his shirt quickly before coming back into the kiss. Yoongi leaned into the kiss resulting in me falling back down onto the bed. He wrapped his hands around my thighs directing them around his waist before his hands deepened down into my pants. I felt the slight chill while he did so. I felt my stomach dip at the feeling causing a small whimper to leave my lips. He took this as encouragement as he unbuttoned my pants and stuck his hands into my underwear all while kissing me.
"Fuck, Yoongi."
He hadnt even entered me yet i was already moaning for him. He was surely heightening up my senses making me hyper sensitive to the whole experience. His fingers dipped into my entrance making me squirm under his touch. I felt myself moaning more at just his fingers but also seeking for something more. I threw my head back at the feeling and also the longing feeling of him being inside of me.
"I love it when you moan my name princess."
The pet name had made me moan louder. I was practically dripping wet and Yoongi could tell easily as his fingers were feeling around for my juices. It seemed that Yoongi was getting his own excitement from this as i felt his cock poking against me. He decided to finally put the situation into action as he managed to take off my pant and underwear as he did the same to himself.
He had lined himself up taking control in the situation but still looked me in the eyes asking if this whole occurrence was okay with me. Overall we had been drunk at first but i was no more and i could certainly tell the same had been with him. The alcohol had been replaced with real feelings and how to act upon them so i nodded asking for him to do what was long waited for.
( PSA: Just because youre fucking Yoongi without a condom in this fan fiction doesnt mean that you shouldnt use a condom in real life AGAIN wrap your willy before it gets to silly!)
He slowly filled his cock with my entrance making us both let out a long waited moan. Yoongi had began to grow aggressive as he felt my walls around him. His grip on my waist had increased making the experience intensify in a good way making me moan louder than before. I couldnt believe that we hadnt done anything remotely like this but i was glad it was getting down as of now.
"I beat all your other boyfriend couldnt fuck you as good as I can."
I had only had one boyfriend in my whole life and Yoongi despised him in a way. I hadnt known why but a hatred had sported for him. He hated how he always held my hand and was affectionate as Yoongi knew him himself couldnt do these actions so easily. However times had changed and i was laying with Yoongi instead of him proving him something.
"Only you can, Yoongi."
"Thats right princess."
Yoongi ad began to go harder due to my response aiming to excel. He had easily already been the best guy i had slept with but just the added endurance made things intensify. I felt my walls clenching around me as i sure Yoongi did as his head went to the crook of my neck growling as he met every thrust before i came undone. I let out a series of moans as he did as well before releasing.
Yoongi turned to his side of the bed not knowing how to end on a good note, He hadnt meant for this to happen and neither did i leaving us with an awkward approach. I knew I liked Yoongi and I didnt want our friendship to be forever ruined due to the bump in the road. I wanted to come to terms with this instead of stray away from it so i decided to muster the courage and speak what was on my mind.
"I like you."
I had been looking at the ceiling taking a quick glance at Yoongis back muscles waiting to see how he would react but he didnt. He didnt move nore did he contribute to what I said. I had destroyed our friendship with the gracious amount of temptations. The thoughts commenced my head yet again setting me into a saddened state. I had begun to scare myself at any possibilities but all that seemed to hush at the sign of reassurance.
Yoongis hand snaked around my hide section bringing us closer together. I felt him kiss my shoulder slightly smiling as if he had finally made the decision that would impact his life in the greatest.His hands wrapped over mine as if they were the most fragile thing in the world as well as they may slip away from his very hands. I was happy with what was occurring and could tell this feeling would never come to a halt and the words that ushered past his lips only confirmed this feeling.
"I love you too."
I had been anxiously biting my finger nails in anticipation. Yoongi had stood on the same stage yet again but held at a different venue. He had been begin judged on his performance staying on the stage trying to keep a collected exterior while awaiting his win.
Throughout his performance i had been sobbing and cheering him on as he preformed one of his so every loving songs. Tonight had been a special one due to it being'First Love'. The dedication he had mustered into each lyric really opened up his true emotions even to people who he didnt know. My cheers only increased as he made eye contact with me smiling slightly to himself at the accomplishments he was living.
He stood on the stage fiddling with his fingers trying not to make it noticeable but however as they called his name as first winner he couldnt contain his excitement. His mouth let out a squeak noise in shock at the sudden win grabbing ahold of the trophy as tears morphed. Theres was always something about the second win that made things seem more eventful. A sense that you actually made it rather being good for one thing.
The sudden jolt of energy had bolted into my whole being needed to be engulfed by his presences just to test how real everything was. Yoongi held his arms wide open as he took in my request rocking us back and forth while we cried into eachother shoulders. The answer began talking into the microphone but i didnt managed to pick anything up as i was to trapped in Yoongis being.
I pulled away wiping away his tears bringing us in a chaste kiss sealing everything. I looked into his glossy orbs taking into everything from each experience. Yoongi had been my best friend and still remained my best friend. He held an extra title is all rather than just being my best friend. My best friend had managed to make such an impact on my life and others as i look around the cheering people who were seated. It took me back to when our professor told us we wouldn't as succeed in life. I had taken up the offer of my dream job while yoongi had been living his dream. most important we had each other of all. Having another body to share these experiences with was the true key of life. Not the riches that came along with it but spending that time with someone.
Yoongi was my someone. He was my best friend and my boyfriend. Most people dreamed of having let alone one while i surpassed both. I truly was lucky and I needed to remind myself of this everyday as i couldnt believe it. I couldnt tell you exactly how it would end but i wanted to focus on the raw beginning. The beginning of our future and what was to come, I described it as a fiery passion with a burning desire of intensity and as he looked me in the eye i could tell he knew this too. We had been in our young adult years and have experienced the hard struggles of life but it was just the beginning.
And i couldn't wait to make more beginnings with him.
*corny i know*
#min yoongi x reader#min yoongi#min yoongi smut#min yoongi imagines#bts min yoongi#suga x reader#suga imagines#suga#BTS suga#yoongi x reader#yoongi imagines#suga smut#yoongi smut#bts yoongi#bts smut#bts imagines#bts scenarios#min yoongi scenarios#kpop imagines#kpop x reader#kpop scenarios#min yoongi x you#yoongi x you#suga x you
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To answer this question I need to tell you a bit more about the background. You know about those things more or less but I will interlink them with one another and it will be clearer when they are in one place.
I will tell you how my life looked before we happened.
Unstable, no commitments, jumping from one place to another, disappointment with people, constant nonfulfillment, the same companion all the time - me and me only. You know already that I am a seeker, every day, every minute, seeking for satisfaction, for meaning, for something that could fill that void inside me. It was very hard, I was unhappy, always acting as if everything was alright, being there for others and not for myself, changing environments as often as I could to finally find a place where I would feel good and comfortable. Apart from this, highly developed self criticism, constant efforts to improve myself - my interpersonal skills, my education, qualifications, my personality, my appearance. Because I still had this void in me, what is it? Lack of meaningful relationships? Low self-esteem? Lack of self acceptance? I didn’t know, so I worked on everything, always pushing myself over my limits. And constantly distracting myself from this feeling of emptiness and lacking. Either by next job, next bartender or barista training, excel courses, tax advisory courses, work and travel in America, study exchange, crossfit, yoga, japanese, eating, sleeping, going to the cinema alone, listening to the music at full volume. Everything I could find to meet new people, to forget about myself for a minute and to find meaning. I really was miserable, I could be surrounded by people who cared for me and adored me, and I still felt as if I was alone. But because it has been lasting for so long, I learned to deal with it. And here comes my mindset, my habits, everything that I must have given up before deciding you will be my future husband.
Freedom and individualism - those became (subconsciously) my most important values in life. I could go anywhere I wanted, so I was going, I didnt have any relationships, it was great, I didnt have to explain myself and my bizarre ideas to anyone. But because it was quite painful I started creating this vision of myself in my mind - what will I do, where will I work, where will I go during those times of the year which are associated with family and other people. I have experience in spending New Years eve alone (or with my parents, so the same thing) since 2014. In Poland not going to a party on New Year’s Eve means that you are a loser and a social zero. So I was both, invisible and social zero, no one could know about this, it is too shameful, it shows how unattractive I am, so I had to lie about my plans to people who asked me what was I doing. But yeah, I already had experience with New Year’s.
Next, Christmas - right after I move out from Poland I most likely wont go back home for Xmas because why would I? For the past 3 years I have treated every Christmas spent with my family as the last one. So I made peace with it too.
Next, and this is the biggest one, my normal everyday life - I will hire myself in a company or sth, climbing the career ladder, not worrying whether I will have kids or not because I wasnt even sure if I wanted them. How my life would look like? I live alone, go to work in the morning, go back from work in the evening, I go to yoga class or any other place and then I sit at my home and look for more opportunities for myself to grow. Still, no commitments, maybe random sex maybe not (depending on my confidence and relationship with my body), no adjusting to anyone else, changing social circles often (to avoid commitment) or being alone since I am so comfortable with my own company after all of these years. Besides, I cant trust anyone, people want to hurt me or destroy my plans and make me fail. It’s easier to be alone and observe everyone, and silently work on my achievements so no one can see. Do you remember our first fight? About sleeping around? That’s exactly what I (and you) was fighting with, I said “When it comes to me, sex was the only thing left that I couldn’t do without a man”. Exactly. And I wrote even more concerning this “I could imagine myself hitting 30, with my “dream job” making me miserable, with good apartment, surrounded by expensive things which were supposed to make me less lonely, with my eating disorder thriving, and with my vibrator in the drawer next to my bed, definitely overused one.” Similar to what I have written a couple of lines up, right? But that was my future in my mind, I planted this seed and accepted it. This was the way to prevent myself from more disappointment, broken heart and loneliness. I prepared myself in advance for all of them. I knew it was bad for me, but it was the only way I could cope with my hopelessness.
So what did I have to give up when I started a relationship with you? That I could go anywhere I wanted without much planning, that I could be fully flexible with my decisions because there was no other person involved, that I didnt have to know where I will end up in the end because I can always move and find a new place for myself. I had to give up my constant search for meaning and fulfillment. I had to give up my independence. Because if I am in a relationship I cant have secrets, I cant make plans that nobody knows about, I cant just go out without saying anything, I cant make decisions by myself without taking anyone else into consideration. I cant follow my strategy anymore - that no one really knows who I really am, no one knows my stories. I still perceived myself as not ready, not good enough, not having enough to give, because I knew how unstable I am, I knew well my urges to run away from people, I knew that I indeed loved being careless and free. Freedom, I understood and loved it, and I couldn’t give it up. I didn’t have much but I had this total independence, no matter how many mistakes I made, how bad my situation was, I could just turn around, change my living place and create my new identity over and over again. I also used it to stay myself, after giving away myself to others for years, I could go away and recover. I knew the costs were high, but at least I didn’t have to pay the greatest cost - being myself and accept everything that comes with it. I knew it was bad for me, I knew that. But that was living in me, so strongly, those were my reactions and thoughts which I had for years. That mindset was very important to me - not staying anywhere for too long, trying new things, being independent and not having to explain myself to anyone, changing people so they cant develop expectations. I didnt start any romantic relationship to protect myself from exposure and rejection when he finds out how I really am.
When I met you I had to give up all of that thinking, I had to make a mess with my life and destroy the whole system with no guarantee that I wont fuck up this relationship too because my demons will take over.
Now you can see why I behave in a way I behave, why I misbehave and do those unpredictable things. I decided I would give up all of this, but they are still troubling me, they dont want to let go. They are hijacking me from time to time and I have to fight with them. Unfortunately, sometimes I lose the duel, and then hurt you. Examples are: when I run away in September, when I wasn’t replying to you at the beginning of January for the whole day, when I triggered our first fight about sleeping around, female masturbation and vibrators, that’s why I still considered HPV vaccine even though you said we don’t need it, that’s why I dont like sending pictures of me to you, that’s why I say “everything is fine” even if it isnt, that’s why I had this dilemma about Toronto and couldnt see from the very beginning that you are most important to me, that’s why I didnt want to tell you about antidepressants, that’s why I was thinking and thinking again about our relationship and assessing whether I am still an asset to you, that’s why I asked if you would accept me if I leave you now and come back after a couple of years, that’s why I was pushing you away and pulling you closer, that’s why I ask for reassurances when you say you want me or you love me, that’s why I provoke you and actually cross the line, that’s why I make you uncomfortable sometimes with what I say, that’s why I kept you at arm’s length distance sometimes, thats why I believed that no one is irreplaceable and that love is conditional, that’s why I didnt want to go public with our relationship, at least on my side, that’s why at first I was telling you that you will have another wife, because I was afraid I will hurt you and let you down, that’s why I wasn’t so sure if I want to start a relationship with you at first, because I was sure I will ruin you and hurt the person that I love the most on this planet. I was pushing you away not because I wanted freedom, I was pushing you away because I could see how strong these demons and this thinking are inside me. And I was frightened that I would leave you one day in the future when it’s already too late, when you invest too much, when you completely adjust your life to be with me and when it’s too late for you to forget about me and find another girl for yourself. You can see that I had a lot of issues from the very beginning but you didn’t know because I wasn’t communicating them. And now I am communicating them but they are not as strong anymore.
And this void is still present there, I am still self conscious and too shy. When you came you didnt fill these holes in me, you didnt fix what was broken. No. You created new things, you created spheres that I never had, you built your own creations in my mind. And they are all warm, loving and comfortable. And now my mind and my body is colorful, there’s a lot of vibrant colors which you brought but there is also a lot of darkness. All I have to do is to give up on those destructive mechanisms that are old and no longer supportive and focus on the new ones. And I am relieved it is like this, I really am. You know why? Because you have built something sustainable, you are not a guy for one night who will help me forget about myself, you are not amphetamine which could get me high for a couple of hours. And it brings me peace and tranquility, that I am not using you to fill this void only and discard you when you stop “working”. But it will take me some time to unlearn all of the things that I was doing for years. I can clearly see how much I have changed during the past 6 months, from a complete doubt through confusion to a total belief. How I perceived myself unworthy of your love and now I accept it.
It wasn’t a coincidence that I was single. And you know how many opportunities I had to start a relationship, but I never had one because no one was worth it. Worth leaving my principles and plans. Until I met you. And when I am saying that I don’t want to be with anyone else I know what I am saying. I don’t want to be with anyone else.
And this Toronto thing, oh Elias. I never did something like this before, I think it was the biggest sacrifice of my life, because indeed, I did sacrifice my “alternative life”, pleasing others, forgetting about myself and helping them, doing the most unexpected thing without consequences, cutting my current relationships, turning my life upside down. But giving up Canada is a one thing, I won’t even apply, even though I already paid for the application fee, it means that I didn’t leave a second door for myself, I can’t run away in case I change my decision, there’s no way back, and I always, always leave a buffer zone for myself. Not this time, I can’t change my mind next month or in two months. It’s like I gave up my own security, my backup, part of my identity. I have never done more to any other person, never. I gave up my way of living. And it’s all for you.
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Sharna’s Self Esteem Blog
SELF-ESTEEM
November 13, 2017
"What a man can be, he must be. This need we may call self-actualization...It refers to the desire for self-fulfillment, namely, to the tendency for him to become actualized in what he is potentially. This tendency might be phrased as the desire to become more and more what one is, to become everything that one is capable of becoming." -Maslow
Hi Loverz,
Since the Dancing With The Stars Live Tour began, I've met you in meet and greets across the country and shared hugs and heard you tell me about the impact my blog "self-worth" had on you and your life. I've been moved beyond words and all I can say is, it is my pleasure, thank you.
I thought about how or what I would write in this post quite a bit. I asked myself why I would be good at helping you with the concept and tools in building your self-esteem. My answer is simple, because I've had to do the work too and continue to, each day.
I had to dig deep, get raw and real with my own challenges, insecurities and pain to be able to write this the way I wanted to...
The definition of self-esteem is: Confidence in one's own worth or abilities
In sociology and psychology, self-esteem reflects a person's overall subjective emotional evaluation of his or her own worth. It is a judgment of oneself as well as an attitude toward the self. Simply put, its what you think of yourself and how you treat yourself based off of what you think others think of you and how they treat you. Our Self-esteem is the foundation on which we build our reality, its how we tell people what we are worth, how to treat us, how to speak to us, and what to think of us. We tell them in a number of subconscious ways, your body language, your voice, your actions and so on. So basically… its a vicious cycle that we all work constantly to change.
Your self-esteem is only determined by you. You may not believe me but it is. The man that broke your heart, the woman that bitched about you behind your back, even the sibling that unintentionally always made fun of you because of their own self worth issues… these things, these people DO NOT define you, YOU define you. Your thoughts and actions can build you up or tear you down. Self-esteem involves a variety of beliefs about you... your appearance, your values, your emotions, your behaviors. Your self-esteem is major part of your development as a person and achieve your own potential. So… its kinda important right? Important to work at it and on it? Yes i think so, but lets be real…. it ain’t easy.
Whatever you can't let go of, is telling you to find something inside of you that doesn't believe you are enough.
I like to think of that voice as the worst best friend in the world, constantly telling me i’m not pretty, not strong, not lovable, telling me why i can’t do something and why i am less than i really am. Think about it, would you stay friends with that person!?!?! Hell no, you’d tell her to FUCK OFF in a matter of minutes. Yes i said it, I said that bad word for a very good reason (and please only use it internally as a tool). There is power in it, there is power in telling the things you can’t let go of to FUCK OFF, AND to say FUCK OFF to the idea of letting other peoples words and opinions determine your quality of life. Please understand I'm not telling you to say it to a person, that is rude and comes off as immature, but using it internally somehow gave me a sense of finality, of strength and power against my insecurities. Please my loves, with all your might believe you are worthy because you are, and until you unwaveringly do so, others will not know just how worthy you truly are.
OK… enough with the profanity, moving on ;)
By now, you know I am a big believer in mantras and positive affirmations. And although positive thinking is so beneficial and necessary it can also be a wall you keep hitting because you simply won't believe what you don't think is true. Don’t worry, I’ve been there, we all have, you are on track and it just takes practice. Remember you have to retrain your brain and tell that worst best friend in the world to do what? Thats right, i know you said it so i won’t. Write in your journal and get out what is hurting or what is blocking you, and at the end of it write what you are working on believing about yourself. Write a single mantra, and say it over and over again for 5 minutes, nice and slow, as you breathe in and breathe out.
However, its deeper than just mantras, It's about basic human needs.
The need to believe in something greater for ourselves
For some, you will find it in religion or spirituality but one common place we can all find it in, is LOVE.
A creative or physical outlet
I strongly believe we all need one. Self-expression is a necessary part of authenticity, knowing ourselves and a beautiful release. It also gives us pride in ourselves. What we can create out of nothing. Do you like to paint? write? Dance? Cook? Or maybe you enjoy the gym, running or playing a sport. Maybe your like me and you enjoy all the things ;) Do them, whether it is in your work or a hobby in your free time.
The need for meaning, purpose and goals
Having direction is important and if you feel lost right now, that's ok. But be searching for your passions and learn how you can use them to change the world for the better. You won’t find them by doing nothing, get out, try things, try all the things! Find a cause you believe in, find your voice to say what you want and don’t stop till you get it.
The need for status and recognition
Let me startthis one by saying that the only person you need recognition from is yourself, others commenting on your good work is not what should validate you. Be proud of yourself and congratulate yourself when you accomplish a goal and when you try new things. We all want to be great at something ... and truth is we all want to be recognized for it, but i believe you should let go of that. My career only soared when i gave up wanting to compete to look for recognition and accolades, i chose to dance for me, how i wanted and to do it for my love of dance and my love of entertaining people and making their day a little brighter. Only then did life provide me the chance to entertain people on a global scale.
The need to give and receive attention
No man is an island. Be social and not just online!! Enjoy time with friends, Join a club, go on a hike with someone, and work on appreciating others and taking notice and an interest in them as they will in you. Human interaction is vital, and we lack so much of it today. Put your phone away at dinner, converse with people, ask questions if you think you have nothing to say. Unplug at night, and instead of sitting at home once again maybe say yes to that party, or drink with a friend. Also, talk to at least one family member a day, stay connected with your roots (unless that is not healthy in your situation), remember family is important, tell them you love them, ask how their day was, it's very simple.
The need to look after our body
Please beauties, no matter what you look like if you are not taking care of your body you will never think it is good enough or appreciate how valuable it really is. Would you starve your best friend? Would you tell her, her thighs are too big? NO! So why would you ever treat yourself that way. It is so important to eat a clean diet filled with plant-based food. Exercise will not only make you feel better about your body but free your mind from unnecessary attachments. (See my *stiff body stiff mind* post)
The need for a sense of safety and security
It is very common for those who have suffered abuse to have low self esteem. You are not alone. You are not broken. Please know you are not what has happened to you, you are how you rise from it, and you absolutely CAN and WILL rise from it. At the same time if you see that someone might be going through abuse, please don’t ignore it, somehow the universe made it so you can see their pain when they can’t. it is not on you to take on their problems, nor do you need to fix them, but you can let them know they are not alone, and that you are there for them if and when they are ready to seek help.
You have “all the things” inside of you!
I am not a doctor, I don't have a phd, I am simply sharing the tools that I discovered help me through my experiences. I do urge anyone who feels their issues or view of themselves have become too dark to seek help from a doctor or mental health professional.
Drug Abuse hotline # (866) 248-0056
Abuse hotline # TEXT “GO” TO 741741 http://www.crisistextline.org
Trevor hotline # 1-866-488-7386 http://www.thetrevorproject.org
Mental health/Suicide hotline # 1‑800‑273‑TALK (8255) https://www.mentalhealth.gov/get-help/immediate-help/
If you just need to talk to someone annonymously or want to help someone else. 7 cups of Tea is an amazing resource. https://www.7cups.com
I want to see your creativity, your art, talents, healthy recipes, exercise routines and all the things self love so please hashtag #allthethings in your posts so I can see and be inspired by you all. As always, I am so proud of you exactly as you are.
All my love,
Sharna
#i am posting the entirety#because damnit this is important#it ties into anxiety and self esteem#REREAD IT
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1-65 ;)
holy heck ! thank you sophiw i lov u 🍒
1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?
i dont understand this question?? like sometimes i doubt my own existence and other times i doubt that i exist to certain ppl? ya?
2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?
2,, normal amount? like good for sleep but pitch black is scaryy but not to the point i need the escape ?? if that makes sense??
3. The person you would never want to meet?
guy fieri, i dont think i need to know if hes actually real ? like is he real and from this dimension or from flavortown (which he has a very scarily detailed description of)?? thats not something i need to know
4. What is your favorite word?
hmm, probably ‘fam’ obviously
5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?
a willow tree !!!!!!!!!! i just talked to my mom about this :-0
6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?
ngl but i dont look in the mirror anymore unless its lip syncing along to a song sung by a guy/someone w a deeper voice bc i feel like it suits me better! gotta love coping w dysphoria!
7. What shirt are you wearing?
baseball tee, gay
8. What do you label yourself as?
nb, lesbian, fool
9. Bright room or dark room?
dark room
10. What were you doing at midnight last night?
slepe
11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?
10-11 when i was in 5th grade. i still only had two friends but i was way more extroverted and everything was so carefree and i was very invested in adventure time and art. i think that was the most of a childhood i got? i honestly did not do much as a kid and i wish i had..
12. Who told you they loved you last?
sophiw ! tumblr user almightyportraits ! the loml !
13. Your worst enemy?
x
14. What is your current desktop picture?
one from apple called ‘abstract shapes’ its very orange but also blue which is my fave color pairing atm so its perfect
15. Do you like someone?
tumblr user vahilla
16. The last song you listened to?
megan played ‘marceline’ by willow in her car ! a song i suggested to her a few months ago and it makes me very happy that she likes it especially bc we bonded over adventure time in 6th grade :-)
17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?
mmyy seelfff ??
18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?
mmmyseyyffelllff ??
19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?
eh whats the point
20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)
n o ne ?
21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?
what is the opposite of nb,, i feel like if i was opposite of how i present id be a girl, which is a verryyy weird thought for me, pass
22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?
no :-/
23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?
uh first of all blood, like, ill pass out,, second of all,, literally everything worries me
24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.
jimmy johns #16, turkey, bacon, lettuce, tomato, NO MAYO
25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?
im a very practical person so the least boring answer i can come up w is more art supplies
26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?
denmark
27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?
fukcing , acetoNe
28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?
i think a FIRST rule would have to be pretty IMPORTANT so probably smt like how ~WE THE PEOPLE~ are all EQUAL would be a pretty good start and pretty UNDENIABLE and STRAIGHT FORWARD especially if it was the FIRST thing in this,, hmm lets call it the CONSTITUTION, in the completely hypothetical society
29. What is your favorite expletive?
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuk cufck ufc kfuck
30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?
sunglasses??!!! that shit gotta be bright huh>?? gotta protect my retinas
31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
i wanna say my first relationship made me a better person but that shit was rreeeaaallyyyy fucking awful and 4 months (+recovery months) that i will never get back and i think ? maybe ?? i wouldve been ok without it ? idk just a thought
32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!
spain ?!?!? why not + i sorta know the language? thatd b cool
33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?
zoey my dog :-( i miss her a lot, this month it will have been two years oh my god i miss her so much
34. What was your last dream about?
the last one i remember was a nightmare about someone tryna murder me i was very scared
36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?
i think so , when i was two i got really really sick and couldve died ?
37. Have you ever built a snowman?
ahh yes ! we gave hhimm,, fruit snack nipples, please forgive me fathr
38. What is the color of your socks?
grey w blue n orange stripes ( again i lov blue n orange together, my shirt is teal and i have an orange hat on wow)
39. What type of music do you like?
all! i had to train this new guy at work and im sooo awkward but once why started talking about music it was easy for me to talk bc it was smt we both really like !!! i felt like i could actually communicate w feeling a disconnect it was nice ! we talked mostly about rap which was cool and unexpected but i could do it ? i really love music and i love being able to know enough to talk about it ,, isk
40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?
sunrises, ive been pushing myself to wake up unreasonably early to have more time to myself and i get to watch the sunrise most days which is nice
41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?
chocolate
42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)
whom?
44. What do you want to be when you graduate?
college? god i dont even know… smt w art.. by an illustrator or art teacher or freelance artist or graphic designer ,, i really dont know
45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
one thing ?!!?!? i wish i was neurotypical
46. Are you reliable?
yes? i try hard to be? i hope so ?
47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?
u still a lil bitch ?
48. Do you hold grudges?
nope i try not to, ive had too many toxic petty people in my life that i dont need to be one myself.. now this is grudges w/o reason, but if ive given people several ‘second chances’ and theyre still (thumbs down) then ill avoid them but w/i reason?
49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?
DOG HORSES BIG DOGs
50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?
mm probably smt w my lab partner from last year. she always sends me weird quotes from a fanfiction shes reading and its weird but i really appreciate that she still talks to me or talks to me at all tbh
51. Are you a good liar?
nooo ?? i try not to lie? mb not tell the full truth but idk , i feel like id feel too guilty
52. How long could you go without talking?
uhh literally days like i already fucking do.. i m taking this as verbally but i dont get texts so like, it would not be hard
53. What has been you worst haircut/style?
before i went to short hair i used to alllwaayyys wear a tight ponytail every single day bc i wasnt girly enough to do anything w it and it was really really gross like thank god i cut it all off
54. Have you ever baked your own cake?
heck yeah
55. Can you do any accents other than your own?
*clears throat*
h-
hewwo?
56. What do you like on your toast?
butter and jam
57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?
x
58. What would be you dream car?
razor scooter
59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.
sometimes im just too physically or emotionally exhausted to stand so ill just,, lay down? ive fallen asleep in the shower before ha
60. Do you believe in aliens?
yup
61. Do you often read your horoscope?
whenever it comes up but i dont ,, seek it out
62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?
Q
63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?
dragons tf
64. What do you think about babies?
evil, ugly, dont see the appeal. open ur eyes ppl !!!! bbs are n Ot cute !!
65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.
x
#long post /#mention of dysphoria /#ask#thenk yoy sophiw#this took 4ever but worth it bc it got me to calm down?? coolc ool cool
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Sports Festival Arc
Okay so I’ve just decided to talk about each episode individually since so much happens in them and I have a lot of things to say that nobody cares about ANYWAY MOVING ON here you go!
Episode 14: That’s The Idea, Ochaco
•Can we talk about how Todoroki had the prettiest animation in the intro please???
•Aizawa shows up like I LIVED BITCH we love one grumpy crippled old man (reminds me of this English teacher I had who showed up to class after breaking 3 ribs and couldn’t laugh or move and was in visible pain while teaching, Professor Saunders if you ever see this please just take a day off my dude)
•Mido: “Mineta don’t you know how important the Sports Festival is?”
Mineta: “yes but I just don’t want to get MURDERED”
...you know what he has a point
•Jirou to Kami: “most people miss their chance and end up just staying sidekicks. You know what that’s probably what’ll happen to you. You’re kinda dumb” BRUH SHE DIDNT HAVE TO MURDER DENKI LIKE THAT
•Kirishima being so excited for the Sports Festival is so cute I’m gonna cry
•Ojirou and Hagakure are so fucking ADORABLE
•Uraraka getting all pumped up/ ragey and Mineta being ✖️Mineta✖️ and Tsuyu just straight up SMACKING HIM IMMEDIATELY I LOVE HER COLD BLOODED ASS
•“YOUNG MIDORIYA!!!...do you want to eat with me?” I LOVE DADMIGHT
•Todoroki eavesdropping on Uraraka and Iida talking about Mido/All Might: Secret Child Theories activated
Episode 15: Roaring Sports Festival
•SHINSOU SNARKY PURPLE BABY BOY
•TESTUTESTU!!! loving the other classes showing up like fuck y’all 1A bitchass nerds right now honestly
•Kiri stop thirsting for Bakugou when he’s being an ass we get it, you’re gay and love an angry Pomeranian also WHY ARE YOU JUST STRAIGHT UP JUMPING OFF A BUILDING BOI WHAT IS YOU DOIIINNNNGGGGG ROCKS CAN STILL B R E A K
•Todoroki you dramatic hoe I love you but just. Take a nap. “We’Re nOt hEre To MakE FriEnDs” bitch you soft, shut up
•I’m genuinely curious what exactly is Midnight’s quirk? She’s the “R rated Pro Hero” but like...what is it? Is she just Super Sexy? Is it the pheromone thing that makes people think she’s sexy/ feeling aroused? Like what is her power exactly?
•”I just wanna say...I’m gonna win” KACCHAN HONEY WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS
•Todoroki freezing EVERYTHING and being unimpressed by the giant robots sweetie you’re so extra
•Birth of Icy Hot Bastard nickname
•Mineta got fuckin MURKED MAN lmao at least he tried
•Mama Midoriya is Best Mom she worries so much
Episode 16: In Their Own Quirky Ways
•KIRI BREAKING THROUGH THE FUCKING ROBOT SCREAMING IM ALIVE HOLY FUCK (Also Testu bursting through too. Intro to the Hard Boi Twins)
•Lets go Sero and Tokoyami!!
•All Might’s little YES watching Mido using the robot part as a launcher for the explosion warms my heart he’s so proud of his boy
•MIDO vs. TODO vs. BAKU YES BITCH ITS THE BOYS
•”THIS JUST IN ERASURE HEAD IS A TERRIBLE TEACHER” “wait wHAT” I love 2 chaotic teachers
•Shiggy you’re gross please invest in some cortisone skin cream it majorly helps my eczema it can help you too sweetie
•”the 1st place winner is worth...10 MILLION” Everybody around Mido: Activate Instant Kill
Midoriya my boy rUN
Episode 17: Strategy, Strategy, Strategy
•”Wait, remind me of your quirks again. And your names” Bakugou I’m gonna kick your entitled ass square up babe
•Kiri we get it you want Bakugou to top you. Also I love how Bakugou’s just like let’s fucKIN GOOO SHITTY HAIR
•Iida I love your dramatic over-energetic ass so much
•”TEAM UP WITH ME PERSON IN FIRST PLACE”
“YOURE SO CLOSE TO ME WHO ARE YOU???” Hatsume please. Take a dozen chill pills
•Ah. There he is. Monoma. Rat Boi 3000. Let’s go babey
•MY FAVORITE BIRD BOYS YAMI AND DARK SHADOW COMIN IN CLUTCH
•Ah. Cue the Daddy Drama
•This game is just Kill Midoriya, huh
•Monoma is a pro monologuer and honestly? I respect that. But then again it doesn’t take much to get Bakugou riled up
Episode 18: Cavalry Battle Finale
•Shouji is a SCARY BADASS and deserves more acknowledgement
•no matter your opinion on him, Monoma is an interesting character and has a REALLY COOL QUIRK
•Endeavor? Just. Shut up
•Bakugou- I am powered by rage and nothing else
•”Has anyone seen Deku?”
Todoroki: tragic backstory time
Episode 19: The Boy Born With Everything
•Yo FUCK Endeavor lives, man
•Mido ”so why did you bring me here”
Todo ”...soooo THIS IS THE STORY ALL ABOUT WHY I’m depressed/ also are you All Might’s secret love child or something?”
•Okay but All Might asking Endeavor on how to raise a powerful child I’m cackling. But the more Enji talks, the more All Might’s just like “what the fuck are you doing to your kid??”
•Todoroki’s whole monologue is literally just him over sharing and rambling about his trauma I love it
•Bakugou why you being such a creep boo
•”He’s like a comic book character” BITCH YOU ARE TOO YOU’RE ALL LITERALLY SUPERHERO TEENAGERS JFC
•Midoriya telling his friends/rivals “I’m gonna beat you” is basically just his equivalent of “I have a crush on you” change my mind
•Kaminari. I’m disappointed in you. I expected the uniforms from Mineta but come on dude
•Ojirou is so PURE long live Tail Boi he is also too under appreciated and he is just. So good
•KIRISHIMA CRYING OVER MANLY MEN I LOVE HIM
•Kendo is best girl Class 1B
•”Uraraka? Who the hells that?” Bakugou don’t be fuKING RUDE
•SHINSOUSHINSOUSHINSOUSHINSOUUUUU
•Midoriya what did Ojirou fucking TELL YOU
EPISODE 20: Victory or Defeat
•Dadzawa activated, time to adopt a Sleepy Boy into the Hero Course
•Complete BAMF Midoriya has been UNLOCKED PEOPLE
•Poor Shinsou when he goes “im used to people thinking I’m a bad guy” I just couldn’t NOT think of Billie Eilish IM SORRY now I have Bad Guy stuck in my head YOU DID SO GOOD BABY IM PROUD OF YOU
•”Spooky IM A GHOST???” God I love All Might
•”Stop rebelling Shouto”
“It’s NoT a PhaSe DaD”
•Todoroki did you have to go so HARD BRUH WHAT THE FUCK YOU DEPRESSED SHOW OFF
Episode 21: Battle On, Challengers!
•Lmao get wrecked Denki
•Mama Kendo to the rescue come get yo kids
•Everyone at Mido, Please. Shut the fuck up and stop being CREEPY
•Midnight. Please stop lusting over your students it’s gross
•Hatsume played Iida like a fiddle and I’m crying baby boy tried so hard
•WE RESPECT OUR ALIEN QUEEN MINA ASHIDO
•Poor Momo
•KIRI vs. TESTU I LOVE HARD BOI TWINS
•Bakubabe you’re so UGLY I can’t why is your face like that
Episode 22: Bakugou VS. Uraraka
•”Pink Cheeks” Bakugou just learn your classmates names it’s not that hard
•Ochaco is so fucking STRONG
•”like I always suspected. Bakugou’s a total sadist” sometimes Mineta is just. Accurate.
•Can we please talk about how Aizawa was just like “The FUCK are y’all talking about Bakugou is doing what he’s supposed to do in these games it doesn’t matter if his opponents a girl or not y’all are DUMB” like THANK YOU AIZAWA
•Mic has no chill I miss him real talk we don’t get enough Present Mic
•”You’re wrong Kacchan” YOU TELL HIM MIDO
•Bakubitch may be a little much sometimes and I get why a lot of people don’t like him but he does understand his classmates ARE also strong and powerful and you know he respects them in his own weird way even though he’ll never admit it
•KIRI WINS THE ARM WRESTLING MATCH THATS MY FAVORITE BOY
•We love supportive parents (Ochaco’s parents. Fuck Endeavor. Just leave these kids aloonnneeeee you asshat)
•MIDO vs. TODO LETS GO BOYYSSS
•”I’m not worried about a couple of kids” you’re clearly not worried about your crusty skin either Shiggy learn some priorities
Episode 23: Shoto Todoroki: Origin
•IT’S SHOUTO TIME YALL
•All that power in one little fucking finger what the FUCK Mido also PLEASE STOP BREAKING YOUR BONES “I’ve only got 6 more chances” well there go your fucking hands my dude
•Aaaaand there goes your arm
•”You haven’t been able to put a single scratch on me yet, Todoroki” you’re doing a pretty good job of that by yourself Midoriya
•Baby Shouto kills me every time IM GONNA FIGHT ENDEAVOR
•IT’S YOURS. YOUR QUIRK NOT HIS. ITS YOUR POWER T O D O R O K I
•SHOUTOOOOOO
•Shouji grabbing Mineta by the leg so that he doesn’t fly away oh my god
•Endeavor and All Might come get y’all kids
•Midoriya’s fuckin dead rest in fucking pieces you masochist
Episode 24: Fight On, Iida
•Okay but why is Endeavor such a fucking Brick House holy fuck absolute unit of pure shit
•”In his first match he looked so sad. I was trying to figure out why...” it’s because you have a crush Mido
•And the first of many scars appears
•Recovery Girl is right and she should say it
•All Might said Quirkless Rights send tweet
•AHH TENSEI NOOOOO
•Highkey completely forgot about Stain OH WAIT THAT MEANS THE INTERNSHIPS ARE NEXT I really forgot the whole timeline wow
•Explosion Boy vs. Shitty Hair I love competitive boyfriends but Jesus Bakugou
•Testu cheering for his new friend tho? That’s the content I love to see
•Legacy Children Battle (Iida vs. Todoroki)
•”I didn’t know he couldn’t kick like that” he is ALL LEGS that’s literally his quirk Denki what do you mean
•Anybody fighting Todoroki: time to drag a Sad Bitch
•TENSEEIIIIIIII
•Bruh why did Iida tense up like that was your phone up your ass dude???
•Yo Stain is ugly as fuck
Episode 25: Todoroki VS. Bakugou
•Lmao Midoriya literally triggered Todoroki into using his Left Side
•And Todoroki triggered Bakugou by asking about his past friendship with Midoriya these boys are a MESS
•oh look it’s a Fucking Fire Gremlin
•BOOM BOOM BITCH THOUGHT YOU’D SEEN THE LAST OF ME HALF AND HALF BASTARD
•oh my GOD Endeavor shut UUPPPP
•Everyone listening to Bakugou go off at Todoroki: ...please seek some therapy
•SUPPORTIVE BOYFRIEND MIDO TO THE RESCUE
•The first time I saw this I highkey thought Bakugou actually killed Todoroki.
•Bakugou going feral for winning I can’t he literally looks like a trapped wolf
•We respect Tokoyami in this house
•About Bakugou ”Look at that face” I’d really rather not
•I’m sorry but Mineta sitting on Shouji’s shoulders is actually adorable
•Iida running through the hospital to his brother: It’s Loss
•I love the Iida Brothers so. Fucking. MUCH
•Shouto I’m so proud of you sweetheart
•Honestly I need more family stuff they’re all so interesting in their own ways and it’s a nice reminder that yes these are just kids and they have lives outside of hero school
SO that wraps up the Sports Festival Arc! I’m going to do the second half of Season 2/ The Internship Arc/ Final Exams all in one post so get ready for another long one ✌🏽
#mha rewatch#part 3#mha#my hero academia#bnha#boku no hero academia#sports festival arc#i love these kids so damn much#but ngl im PUMPED to see the summer training camp again#now for the rest of season 2#literally no one is asking for these posts im just bored and home alone for a week so TIME FOR A REWATCH#ignore if you want#this is more for myself than anything else#also if anybody wants to talk about the show...im always open to friends#long post#if anyone knows how to make one of those ‘read more’ cut things id apprecoate it sonce these are crazy long#spoilers
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