#but that my mom is lucky because she borrowed money from her parents and my aunt didn't get any money from parents
Text
Actors on Actors
The delicate beginning rush
Austin x singer/actress fem reader
Masterlist <all chapters here>
Instagram photo dump masterlist
Pairing: Austin Butler x singer/actress fem reader
Warning: none
Plot: you and Austin get to be a part of the series Actors on Actors with Variety and you talk about both of your careers and his upcoming movie ‘Elvis’
Word count: 5630
Disclaimer: everything fake
Intro
Y/n:
Growing up I was surrounded by the magic of Elvis Presley, I would listen to his songs and watch his movies all the time. You know even as a young girl I was immersed in his craft and then learning more about him, finding out how much he borrowed from black culture was a big thing. How did that play out in the movie? Are we going to see some of that? Because I don't think he would've been as successful or would've found his own voice had he not seen those gospel musicians in church. Because Elvis loved gospel music so much as well.
Austin:
So true, he did love gospel and jazz and blues, you know. He curated his own sound based on that and he was living in a time when those artists that he loved so much didn't really have a voice, because of their skin. But he did, he had that privilege, so he was able to take this beautiful sound, that not many people, back then, paid any mind to, because of who was singing it. He took that and he made it into a phenomenon. So Baz wanted that the be very clear and he wrote it beautifully in the scrip, I-I hope people like the way we brought that to screen. Because Elvis was in awe of that culture and it was crucial to his success.
*video montage intro*
Y/n: *nods towards him and smiles*
Hi Austin
Austin: * scratches his beard and smirks*
I'm so happy to be here with you today, truly.
Y/n: *blushes*
Aw, I'm so, so honored to be doing this with you! I was gonna ask what was it like being a kid and living next to Disneyland? I've never been there, but I've always dreamed of going.
Austin: * fidgets around with his rings, looking down*
Oh that's a good first question.
Y/n: *laughs*
Because it would've been the only thing that I thought about, if I were in your place.
Austin: *giggles*
Um that's crazy though, that you've never been to Disneyland.
Y/n:
It's like I would've skipped school, I would've- So what was it like?
Austin: * shakes his head in disbelief*
I did, I did... so my, um *licks his lips* my mom homeschooled me for a couple years in elementary school
*y/n giggles in the background*
Y/n:
Oh ok
Austin:
And so she would just say and even when I was in elementary school. She would say: hey you wanna take the day off school and just go to Disneyland
* y/n audibly gasps*
Austin:
She was the most fun mom
Y/n:
Aw oh my goodness
Austin:
So we would just go and we'd ride Pirates of the Caribbean or something like that
Y/n: *swoons*
Oh, god what a lucky kid.
Austin:
That was, a lot of my childhood, was wrapped up in that
Y/n:
I'm so jealous, I never did anything like that with my mom, I grew up in Brooklyn and I loved it, I really did, but the most fun I had around there was going to this old record store. And when I was really young, I used to come home from school, go into the shop and the owner and I would just listen to lots of old records. *laughs* since I didn't have any money you know, *Austin nods smiling* Frank, the owner he, he introduced me to so many of the classics and quickly Frank Sinatra, Aretha Franklin, Elvis, they became some of my favorites.
Austin: *hums*
That's beautiful, but I still can't believe you've never been to Disneyland. *shocked*
Y/n: *shakes her head*
I actually never went out of New York as a kid
Austin: *adjusts in his seat*
Wow
Y/n: *leans a bit forward, adjusting the neckline of her dress*
Yeah, no, my, my parents worked a lot, they also didn't make a lot *shrugs* , so for vacation we would just visit Coney Island for a day in the summer time.
Austin:
What about now, what's like your favorite vacation spot, I'm sure you've been on few.
Y/n: * crosses her legs*
I haven't actually, besides traveling for work, I haven't been on a vacation. Growing up in a middle class house hold, made me very self conscious about how I spend my money and I guess paying for a vacation is something that makes me a bit uncomfortable, even if I can afford it now. But I'd love to go visit Scotland.
Austin: *licks his lips again, listening carefully*
Oh I'd love that too, I've never been either
Y/n:
What's your favorite vacation spot?
Austin: *looks around deep in thought*
Ugh, I think Florence, Italy, I've been there, a few years ago, before the pandemic and everything, it was so beautiful, I stayed over at a Vineyard, it was so amazing.
Y/n: *pushes her hair behind her ears*
Still I can't move on, like I would've been all day: take me to Disneyland
Austin: *chuckles*
I'm gonna take you to Disneyland
Y/n: *gesticulates*
Can you? Take me to Disneyland! Please!
Austin: * laughs *
It'd be so much fun, let's go
Y/n: * holds her hand up*
I know, I want to go, pinky promise!?
Austin: * extends his right hand and intertwines his pinky finger with hers*
Pinky promise! You know I'm always curious for people who didn't grow up around Disneyland, If it would make them feel as nostalgic as it makes me because every time I go to Disneyland I feel like a kid again.
Y/n:
Ooh, that's interesting, probably it would, I don't know, I loved and still love Disney so much.
Austin:
Yeah
Y/n:
By the way, you looked absolutely phenomenal in the first Elvis trailer, I can't wait see it. Ugh
Austin:
Oh thank you
Y/n:
I was really blown away and as someone who's now, you know, stepping into the music industry and being creative that way, seeing another fellow actor, go that way for a role it's just made me... I ...I was- I was amazed, I was impressed. Watching you go into this character and have the stamina have the presence, the spirit, the essence of what I, you know, grew up looking around at, looking at Elvis, but bringing it and making it your own is no small thing. I have yet to play a character that requires me to do that kind of change but it must've been, it must've been difficult I, I imagine. And you had to play Elvis as a teenager tapping into that kid-like spirit, all the way to his passing.
Austin:
Mhm, that's *pauses* that was one of the challenges of it.
Y/n:
I was gonna ask you...
Austin:
We're shooting it out of sequence as well
Y/n:
Okay
Austin:
To lock into each period of time and know where you are spiritually and emotionally, in every moment because one day we're shooting 70s and the next day it's the 50s and then he's 19 or you know.
Y/n:
Did you did, you have to do a lot of , you know, cause I saw even with just how his physicality was, his body changing as he aged and got more mature from that teenage boy to the man we knew. Was there a lot of prosthetics? Like what was the physical transformation like.
Austin: *clears his throat *
Initially Baz, when we started working on it, he said we could film it in sequence, so we thought ok well I can take a break and I can gain the weight and do that, but then with Covid and everything the whole schedule got turned upside down *y/n hums listening closely* . So we ended up, working a lot with, you know, finding the subtle ways that you can age. A lot of that was, I had a movement coach named Polly Bennett that was amazing and she was great at working from the inside-out and that, that was the way that I knew how I needed to approach it. And so we could work on how your body changes with time when you start aging and he's performing and there's lots of movement, you know, I wanted to ask you, cause you did professional dancing for a while, cause towards his fourties' he started expecting a lot of pain and I felt that completely.
Y/n: * breaths in deep *
Yeah so for my first ever job, for the "50 shades after" series I had to do professional dancing for 3 years and I don't know if I ever expected the toll it would take on my body. Even though I was so young, I was 11 when I started and at 14 when I finished I had to go into a lot of physiotherapy, because my muscles and my joints, just hurt so bad. And even now I have to be extremely careful with the way I move around because I get this extreme back pain and my muscles get locked in, it's it's really not that great so yes sports is great, it's healthy, but performing and dancing are very different from just doing sports and it requires a lot of engagement from your body. I swim a lot now, to keep myself active and I have to watch myself when it comes to doing stuns on set.
Austin:
What's like the hardest stunt you've done
Y/n:
The hardest one wasn't necessary physically hard, but I needed a day to recover from it. So Amelia, the character I play, her death is mysterious she falls or she jumps from the rooftop of her high school and we had to film that and I'm extremely scared of heights and yes I was in a harness and there was a huge mattress at the bottom, but it was still so scary to do and I was so afraid of it and during the time that I was falling I would tense my muscles so bad that the next day I just had to take a day off because I couldn't, I couldn't get out of bed, because I had contracted my muscles so hard, it sent me into a fit of pain. How about you, how did you recover from the physical effort? Because I imagine that everything you did took multiple takes as well.
Austin: *looks concerned*
It, It definitely was challenging from many many points, I- I was always in the gym trying to keep myself fit, but I definitely did have days when I felt like my body would give up on me, but I pushed through somehow I did.
Y/n:
And did I, did I understand it right? That you actually did the 68 comeback performance first, that that was your first time in full Elvis costume, right? How was that?
Austin: * scrunches up his nose and takes a deep breath *
Oh my god that was so nerve-racking *y/n giggles smiling* because I had a year and a half before that point to prepare. And suddenly the moment of truth is here, where are you gotta go out and all the preparation is, it's for nothing if you don't get it right within action and cut.
Y/n: * nods approvingly*
Yeah, yeah
Austin:
And so before walking on the stage I had the terror that, what if I'm not good enough or if I go out there and I fail everybody? And my carrier feels like it's on the line in this moment right...
Y/n:
*whispers* I'm so sorry
Austin: *breaks a smile*
But ,you know, I thought of Elvis and the way his career was on the line back then and he had terror and so I could end up just living in that and realizing that fear isn't the enemy in that moment and that if you use it, is the same energy that he was going out there with and started channeling it into the audience. *he absentmindedly points around*
Y/n:
Mhm, yeah
Austin:
And then you see somebody in the audience really genuinely smile and then somebody else laughs and a girl blushing when you get their energy and you have the rapport with the audience. You actually performed live on stage with Taylor recently, right, did you feel that? Do you connect with people while they're in the audience? Do you feel the energy of that?
Y/n: *laughs nervously fidgeting with her bracelet*
Yeah you, you feel it all and you know Taylor Swift fans, they're just, they're so passionate about the music you're playing to them and it was my first time ever performing a song in front of an audience and nonetheless a song that I wrote, so I was so scared before I went out there and started singing. *Austin looks in awe at her* I was trying to talk myself up, but I was so so nervous and I almost had a panic attack and you know Taylor was there trying to calm me down, but nothing actually calmed me down until I was in front of the audience. I started singing and I saw people resonating with my words and with my energy and the way they were mirroring my feelings * puts her hand over her heart* it was truly just magical it's all I can say.
Austin:
Right, beautiful song by the way.
Y/n: *mouthing thank you*
Austin:
Yeah I was listening to it on the way here and in a weird way, I relate to it. Before Elvis I was in a place in my career where I felt like "at this point I'm about to quit acting". Because nothing out of what I had done until then really felt good enough for me to still stay in the business. My career, I never felt like it took off or anything so listening to you and Taylor saying about this fear of going out of style and becoming old I've been there and I felt like that. So what was the writing process for you?
Y/n: *looks up thinking*
Hmm... Well I was doing the background vocals for the re-recording of Red in January of last year and one day I came to the studio and Taylor was there strumming the guitar singing "nothing new" . But she only had the first verse and a few bits of the chorus and she wanted to put the song out because the fans had been expecting it, she had teased it before, so now she had to put it out and after listening to the bits that she had written I asked if I could take the song home and try to write on it. *snickers * Which was very bold of me, because I had never done anything like that before and it took me like two days to feel confident with what I had written, because I finished it the night I came home with it, but it took me some time to actually get the courage to show it to Taylor. And for me I didn't personally write from the perspective of someone who feels like their career is in jeopardy or they are going out of style. I wrote from the perspective of someone who feels like their youth and innocence are in jeopardy.
Austin: *picks at his chin, tapping his foot against the floor*
Do you feel pressure of having to grow up faster than you're ready to?
Y/n: *sighs looking at her hands, cracking her knuckles*
Yes I do! The media puts that pressure on me and on girls in general. A week after my 18th birthday I stumbled over this article on the Internet *whispers covering her mouth playfully* it is a dark place everyone should be wary of it, *speaks normal again* but I couldn't help myself and I, I opened it and I read it *pauses to breathe* and someone a man, a man well in his 40s, had written about me. It was an article wishing "happy birthday" to me, followed by the question: when will I play characters *stammering* characters who perform adult scenes on TV ? Will there be a "Fifty Shades of Grey" remake with me as the protagonist? Would I be down to film those kind of scenes and how soon should fans expect to see that from me. *hands shaking*
Austin: *leans forward taking her hands in his*
That's horrible
Y/n: *breaths*
And I don't know I felt just so humiliated and ever since then every few weeks articles like this pop up. I sat to close next to a boy, I looked way too comfortable with a guy and people start throwing around things like: am I dating? are we getting some action? feels so dehumanizing and it makes intimacy feel so filthy.
Austin: *pulls his chair closer looking her in the eyes*
It shouldn't feel like that, I'm a man, so in a way I've never experienced that part of media. But my past relationships have. I hate how easy people strip artists of their work and reduce them to a product. I watched "Reconstructing Amelia" three times so far and I have to say, you're performance was incredible.
Y/n: *sniffs breaking a smile and squeezing Austin's hands*
Thank you!
Austin: *gives her a toothy smile*
What was the preparation for that role like?
Y/n: *sits back in her chair adjusting her dress*
I read the book 1st of all and then it wasn't much that I needed to prepare for. I related to Amelia to a T, I also was bullied back when I used to go to public school and I felt how mean kids can be and I definitely felt pressured to do certain things to fit in, never things like what Amelia had to, but her story is meant to just shine light on something that's so big, that's so talked about , as well , but still it's so ignored and people just look over it you know.
Austin: *nods bouncing his leg up and down *
You also got to work with Orlando Bloom and Emily Blunt, what was that like?
Y/n: *tilts her head*
They're incredible and I'm sad that I didn't have more scenes with them because of the way we filmed the movie, we have the present time and the past time. The past time being Amelia's point of view, things that are happening at school with her private life and there's not that much interaction between her and her mother or her father and so I didn't really get to bond or work with them too much. There was also Covid that kinda of kept us separate but they both made a point to reach out to me and be supportive and give their advice and I got to see them at the Oscars again and talk to them for longer than I got to through the whole process of filming so that was great. *laughs*
Austin: *starts clapping*
I wanted to congratulate you for that, it was well deserved
Y/n: *blushes and tries to hide her face with her hands*
*Austin laughs at her silliness*
Y/n: *gets composure and clears her throat*
Yeah I - thank you! I can't even say that it was a dream of mine to win an Oscar. I... I have this thing where I don't even dare dream certain things because even doing that feels like too much for me, but it is nice to see my work being paid off in such an honorable way. But the list of nominees was huge and there were many talented names on it. By no means do I believe I'm the best out of all of them, but I am happy to have taken the award home. I am!
Austin:
I was rooting for you the whole time
Y/n:
Where you?
Austin:
Yeah.
Y/n:
I'll make sure to do the same for you next year and circling back to you, you sing in this movie, right? Was that the first time for you singing in a movie? What was it like, trying to sound like Elvis?
Austin: *blushes*
So flattering to have you say that, thank you, I’m excited to hear what you think after you've seen the movie. * scratches the back of his head* it was my first time ever singing in a movie or in front of anyone other than my mother or close friends. I worked with vocal coaches, because I have a similar tone to Elvis's voice but I had to work with it in a way that wouldn't hurt my voice, but I haven't seen the movie or anything other than the trailer and I don't know how it ended up sounding. I did a few tracks for the movie soundtrack, that will be coming out, but I haven't heard much of those either so I don't really know how it ended up sounding but I'm, I'm hopeful.
Y/n:
When did you first fall in love with music?
Austin:
I can't remember a time when I didn't love music. I got my first guitar when I was 12 and since then I couldn't put it down. I'm not shy about playing an instrument around other people, but my singing voice has always been an insecurity of mine because I never felt like it sounded good, so it was a challenge to break out of that shell. I think my love for music and for Elvis, as well, helped a lot there. How about you? How did you come to love music and song writing? Because you write a lot of songs and you have a song coming out soon.
Y/n: *crosses her arms over her chest*
I've always love music also and when I was eight I begged my parents for a guitar as a Christmas gift and I received one, but when I asked for them to take me somewhere I could learn how to play guitar that's where they drew the line and said “no”. So I had a guitar sitting around in my room for a long long time and I decorated it with Hannah Montana stickers. *Austin laughs clutching his stomach* Then I got casted in "50 shades after" and Jamie Dornan, who plays Christian Grey, is an amazing guitar player and I asked him if he could teach me guitar. Also my character, Phoebe, is a pianist, in the series and I asked if I could actually learn how to play the piano and the studio paid for me to have piano lessons and that's how I learned piano and guitar at the same time and now I also play the ukulele and I'm learning violin.
Austin:
Amazing. *mumbles the word “beautiful”*
Y/n:
And then songwriting... I've always kept a journal, always and I used to write these poems in it. Then I got to work with Taylor and saw how her poems were brought to life by the melodies she composed and I thought: is that something I could do? And now I have a song that's coming out and I'm excited about it.
Austin:
I'm excited about it too.
*both laughing*
Y/n:
You said there's a soundtrack coming out for the movie, I'm guessing Baz Luhrmann is on the production of it. Tell me more about him. What’s Baz like?
Austin:
He's incredible
Y/n:
A director with whom I hope to work some day. Meeting him at the met gala was so surreal, he's so nice and he had so many wonderful words to say about my performance in previous projects that I have done and he seems like such a wonderful human being and I wonder what was it like to work so closely with him. Were you a big fan of his before? Because I've always loved Romeo and Juliet ever since I first watched it when I was 10 and I adored the directing of it. Was there something in his style of directing that surprised you?
Austin:
I often say he is the closest thing to a jazz musician when it comes to a director, you know, other directors they are like classical musicians they have specific directions and notes you follow. Then you have Baz who does so much homework and his team does so much work and you have a year and a half to prepare for this thing and you show up to work and he says “ I just re-wrote this entire scene last night” and you're like a deer caught in the headlights because suddenly you have to re-learn what you've been doing for a year and a half and he has this freedom to him. He had this thing that he used to say on set all the time, that we are all a big family and there's no place for fear in art.
Y/n: *nods listening closely*
Wonderful, I hope I get to experience that one day.
Austin:
I really hope you do, he really brought me out of my hiding, I was so shy and he took me and turned me into this rock 'n roll star. But it was mostly about finding my sound, I didn't want to be just an impersonator, I wanted to do justice to the person and Baz played a big part in achieving that.
Y/n:
Was it hard finding your sound? To make it be like Elvis's?
Austin:
I worked with multiple vocal coaches, over the course of two years, trying to find my sound in Elvis's music. I hope we did it, as I said I've only heard what it's played in the trailer so far. But the sound became more fluid and a lot more easy to get into when I got to actually do it and be there in action, it was like when you finish school and you’re finally are in the world trying to show to everybody what you've been learning. What was it like for you to match your sound to Taylor, to sing backing for her?
Y/n:
I also worked with vocal coaches prior to actually going in the studio with her. It was my first time ever in a studio when I recorded with her and I was so emotional over it because somewhere in the back of my mind I think I always dreamed of becoming a singer and finding my voice around Taylor was the best thing I could've ever asked for. Her and Jack Antonoff are so supportive and so understanding. I have a very similar voice to hers if I try hard enough we almost sound identical which is part of why she wanted me to do the background vocals for her , but I have this thing where I can get into a higher vocal range than her and she can go very low where I can't and so we complement each other in that sense and it works very well, but I think I'm still trying to navigate my sound. I hope with future projects I get to play with my sound and adapt it to myself even more.
Austin:
Well I can't wait to hear more of your singing.
Y/n:
Thanks
Austin: *rests his hands on his knees*
I also had this amazing experience when we were recording in Nashville there was this old wooden church where we recorded some of the gospel numbers and there were 30 people there and I was the only white guy and I felt so out of place. But the moment they started singing and they just let it all hang out, I felt so welcomed and so privileged to be a part of that and I got to enjoy gospel music for eight hours straight and it was so beautiful how they transitioned from one gospel to another so smoothly. In that moment I really, really understood what drew Elvis in about those kind of sounds and music. I felt this electricity in my body and I always went back to that feeling when performing my scenes and every single time I didn't feel like that, I knew I was off so I always tried to go back there mentally to get myself into character.
Y/n:
That sounds beautiful. I had that for of the confrontational scenes I did as Amelia. I watched hours and hours on YouTube of female actresses having these raging screaming matches on the screen and I took note from that and from the feeling of how frustrated I felt for them. I was like these are fictional people on the screen and the feelings of rage and frustration that they are making me experience, I need to be able to do that and so I would just before we would do a scene where I have to fight with someone I would go back and watch some of those scenes that I loved so much. Actually there's one that makes me laugh now thinking back but there was that scene of Zoe Saldana in "Avatar", that rage she felt and betrayal, in the way she literally send it home to you through the screen it always touched me and I tried to do that.
Austin:
You were doing it. I'm here to say you were, there were times watching you do these scenes where I felt like I wanted to fight with you, on your side.
Y/n: *placing both hands over her heart*
Aw you have no idea how much that means for me. But what else did you do in order really buckle down and focus on the role?
Austin:
*mumbling* I'm so interested to hear your take on this *clears his throat* So during Elvis I didn't see my family for about three years because I was prepping with Baz in Nashville and then we flew to Australia and I had months where I wouldn't talk to anyone and when I did all I could think of was Elvis
Y/n:
Wow
Austin:
And so I was trying to do everything like him, my voice, my accent, my laugh so I don't think it was very enjoyable to talk to me anyway. I would talk to my sister and she'd be like
Y/n:
Austin what are you doing?! *laughs*
Austin: *also laughing*
Yeah yeah oh my, at first it angered me a bit, but with time I think I understood her. What about you, was there anything you did?
Y/n:
Yes I unfortunately also went into a period of time where I didn't talk to anyone for months. I went into this spiral, into this very dark corner of my mind and I- I was forced to pull myself out of there because I was not doing very well. I'm thankful to have people like Timothee by my side. He saw the signs of depression and then came to the rescue because I don't know where exactly the line between me and the character I was playing got so blurry that I couldn't feel it anymore. I was lost in this person who wasn't me, but was becoming me. So I don't think I was ready for that kind of method acting.
Austin:
I can definitely say that happen to me too. I got lost in Elvis, but I had Baz, who at the end of the day would always call me aside and be like: just go home and be Austin. I didn't listen every time, but sometimes I did and that helped a lot.
Y/n:
You also started acting very young like me, I watched you on tv many times, on Disney and Nickelodeon. What's something you took from those acting days and brought into the way you work now
Austin:
I'm sure you know what I'm talking about, but as a kid surrounded by adults who are telling me, teaching me how to work in front of a camera I just was so disciplined and I had this desire to be perfect and that's definitely something I carried with me. I'm not sure it's the healthiest thing though.
Y/n:
Oh I know that all too well *chuckles* I'm also a perfectionist, my whole life I've been one, it's not healthy, it gets the job done it gets rewarded, but it's not healthy for you as a person to always raise the stakes higher and higher and make the standards sometimes unachievable
Austin:
Sometime ago I watched a Ted talk where they talked about the difference between shame and guilt. I thought: how can I put that into acting. As I do with everything. Difference is shame is "I am a bad person", guilt is "I did a bad thing" and every single time I felt off I would just say to myself "I'm a bad actor". It was never about "I did a bad scene" , my craft was off, you know I always took it so hard upon myself but in the end what even is bad in art...
Y/n:
Right it's so subjective.
Austin:
So I'm working on just getting to free myself up from that, that weight we put on ourselves.
Y/n:
Well this has been such a crazy day, I'm so happy to have done this with you.
Austin:
Pleasure is all mine and I look forward to talking to you a lot more, I'm so grateful we got to do this today.
*they both stand up and hug each other*
Tags: @kittenlittle24 @amorx @cryingabtab @lexicox044 @lrissa @feral4austinbutler @sageskywalker @jesssssicaa @rainydayz101 @flwersgarden @bobthefishiesworld @captured-memory @homebodybirkin2003 @galaxygirl453 @butlerslut @chrisevansgirl34 @myradiaz @pennyroyalcreep @macey234 @im-lame-irl @lordandmistress @the-girl-wh0-cries-w0lf @poppet05 @gabbywontlose @4shbug @0-thegoodwitch-0 @hauntedarchivesx @chewiethecatus @sunnyx07 @francesbloomer @jessaroni19 @finelineskies @stargirlbytheweeknd @cerenaydins-blog @girlblogger2002 @gigisworldsstuff @my-baexht-Is @denised916 @bluepeacheslandia @kibumslatina @samaraannhan20 @goldobsessionworld @silliypapercreatorangle @cmrxac @donnamarie23 @justarandomfamdomblog @marlowmode @natsnosehair @xxgggooomm @banksmars @namoreno @areuirish @choppedlamphandscowboy @yeetfack-blog @fangirl125reader @aliceforbes @k-1898 @lucid315 @katelswan @jellysquidjj @jojam10 @richardslady121 @fanfiction1107 @spideysbitch @cherryflvredconversations @lanasfloridakiloss @issabella1107 @hannahhhhhig @izzydefinatelybusy @purejasmine
#the delicate beginning rush#actors on actors austin butler#actors on actors#austin butler#austin butler x reader#baz luhrmann elvis#austin butler elvis#austin butler fic#austin butler x you#austin butler x y/n#austin butler imagine#austin butler fanfiction#Austin Butler x reader love
163 notes
·
View notes
Text
I need help, please.
Essentially back in 2021 when I filed for bankruptcy I used a feature my payroll for my company offers which is to “borrow” money from your following paycheck, I guess like a pay advance. I borrowed the full $500 amount in order to pay my court fees/lawyer fees so that I wouldn’t have to burden my dad.
I figured once my bankruptcy went through and I was no longer paying credit card bills every month, I could handle being short a paycheck a month or two while I bounced back. I tried my best, but life kept getting in the way. I had car problems come up, I had health problems come up. At my bankruptcy hearing in December they decided they wanted me to pay 2 more installments of the court fees early so that I wouldn’t have to go back a second time (I also had to hide my cell phone in the bush outside because they did not provide lockers and I had to worry about it getting stolen the whole time because I have no family/friends in the area to drive and drop me off but that’s another story).
Then my rent went up another $100 and inflation struck everything but especially groceries. I needed every drop of that $500 + the remainder of my paycheck in order to make sure everything got paid.
I won’t say I’ve been perfect and haven’t made unnecessary purchases. It’s a goddamn depressing world and I am trying to keep myself sane with little things.
I’ve sold a lot of “unnecessary” things in my life. Old video games and stuffed animals. Old movies. Old books. I tried to sell cosplays but I left them up on eBay for months with no bites.
I can go to the used book store maybe one or two more times with some things but I think that’s about all I can manage. I’m considering selling some of my Kingdom Hearts figure collection but I’d have to know I’d get a fair price of what they’re actually worth since a fair amount aren’t made anymore. But yeah, the bookstore offers me meager amounts for things so it I only helps so much. For instance I sold my ps3, some books, a Mai sakurajima figure and I think I got like $38 and a few dollars of store credit. Aka it helps but not much. I have an old diamond necklace from my ex boyfriend I’ve considered pawning but I don’t know if that would get me much either.
My mom just got home from a stint at the hospital; she’s relatively okay now but she was in the ICU for an infection, kidney damage and low blood pressure. The latter 2 were mainly from being dehydrated in combo with the infection so she’s mostly better in that regard at least enough to go home. She’s on disability and her husband is retired so they scrape by. My dad has been sick and not working for several months now with leg issues I don’t really know much about because he’s been very vague with me and won’t let me visit.
My parents can’t help me and I can’t help them. It’s been one of the most frustrating feelings on earth.
All in all it’s 4 am, almost 5 am and I’m asking for help because I don’t know what else to do. I’m ashamed of myself and I just am so lost.
Because of the rising costs of everything, I’ve often been over drafting now. I don’t know if I’ve just gotten lucky or what but my bank didn’t hit me with overdraft fees that is until today. I got several right at the same time I deposited money and I’m left with under $40.
I’m still getting my halved paycheck so rent is priority with that and then hopefully one or two bills. But I need groceries somewhere in there. There’s a prescription I need to pick up. I have an overdue medical bill that I’ve pushed aside already in lieu of utilities. And I just am so overwhelmed. Thankfully my cat is well stocked in all his food thanks to my best friend ordering him a Goliath sized bag of dry food and me buying wet food earlier than I needed to so there is that positive.
TLDR: If anyone can donate anything so I can get groceries I’d be so grateful. If I could somehow get to $500 to make it so I don’t have to borrow money for my next paycheck I’d be eternally grateful but I feel like that’s asking too much.
I don’t feel like my situation is bad enough for a gofundme but I do have a ko-fi which I’ll link at the bottom. I am 100% going to be job searching for better pay soon but I have a surgery this month and I need to not mess with my insurance just yet.
I’d gladly write drabbles etc if you would like as a thank you gift but I unfortunately don’t have much else to give. I wish I could draw so I could take commissions.
If you can’t afford to donate, I totally get it. But also if you could reblog and maybe it’ll find it’s way to someone who can? Thank you either way.
I’m sorry if I rambled on too much but my mind is racing. I just want to be able to get back on my feet so once I can help myself I can maybe help my family.
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
a quiet wedding | charlie gillespie
paring: fem!reader x charlie gillespie
summary: Charlie and reader get quietly married in an intimate ceremony with only their family and closest friends
requested: no
length: shorter
rating: PG
warnings: a few emotional moments (& very fluffy), a sexual joke or two
!! MY GIF - give creds if used !!
MASTERLIST
author’s note: prompts list is coming at noon est today. i got it done earlier than friday so it’s going up today
another author’s note: “je t’aime” means “i love you” in french. “je t’adore” means “i adore you” in french
It happened so quickly. From the day you got engaged to Charlie until today took about three months. It happened quickly but you know that you want to spend the rest of your life with Charlie. You wouldn’t have said yes to his proposal if you didn’t want to spend the rest of your life with Charlie.
The fans know of your relationship with Charlie, even though you both have kept your relationship mostly out of the public eye. After a slip up or two from you both, fans caught on so you both confirmed your relationship to stop the speculation. Neither of you said anything about the engagement or about your pending wedding. You wear the engagement ring on your necklace while in public and on your finger when alone with Charlie or your friends or your family.
It’s not that you don’t want the fans to know, but you’re both 22-years-old and really young. There’s nothing wrong with getting married young but there are a lot of people with harsh opinions out there, and you’ve always been sensitive to harsh comments even though you’re an actress and singer.
So, you and Charlie decided to get married in the backyard of your childhood home, away from any prying eyes. Your parents still live there and the backyard has a beautiful view of the mountain range since your parents live very close to the Pocono Mountains in Pennsylvania. The house is pretty big since your parents both make good money as doctors.
You get ready in your childhood bedroom. Your bridesmaids, who consist of Savannah and your sister, both stand in lilac colored gowns as Savannah curls your hair. She puts little white flowers throughout the curls to decorate the style a bit.
Your sister works on your makeup and you try to keep yourself composed. You’re marrying the love of your life today after a three month engagement but a four year relationship. You’ve waited so long for this day and it’s finally here. You can’t wait to say ‘I do’ to Charlie in a few moments.
“Okay,” Savannah says. “Hair is done.”
Your sister closes her eyeshadow palette and says, “And so is makeup. We’re ready for the dress.”
Curious, you open your eyes and look in the mirror. You smile at the sight. Your sister did a silver smokey eye look with a nude lip color. Your curls are loose with the little white flowers scattered throughout.
There’s a knock on the door as your sister lays the dress across your bed. Savannah goes and answers the door. “Mrs. L/N,” she says. “Come on in. We were about to put the dress on.”
You turn in your seat to see your mother in a light pink dress that ends at her knees. She wears a black belt around her waist and black heels. She smiles and when she smiles, you see yourself. You and your mother are practically twins. She holds a veil with a tiara on it.
“Wow,” your mother gasps. “You look so beautiful, darling.”
Your eyes are still on the veil with the tiara in her hands. “What’s that?” you ask.
She looks down and says, “Your something blue, something old, and something borrowed. There’s a little blue gem on the tiara. This veil was your grandmothers, mine, and now yours.”
Savannah takes the tiara from your mother, putting it in your hair and securing it with a bobby pin or two. “I love it,” you announce. “It’s beautiful.”
The girls in your room all smile at you. Your sister unzips the bag with the dress and says, “Okay. We have about twenty minutes before the ceremony begins so let’s go.”
The dress you bought is a white strapless mermaid style satin wedding dress, which means it hugs your body until it flares out at your knees. The fabric from your knees up is ruched, which makes it look bunched up in a way. A diamond belt sits on your waist to sparkle the dress up a bit.
You watch in the mirror as your sister works at tying up the dress behind you. The dress hugs your figure and shows off your curves.
“Look at you,” your mother says. “Charlie is a very lucky man.” You can hear your mother choking back a few tears.
With a little laugh, you say, “Please don’t cry because then I’ll cry.”
Your sister chimes in and says, “Please don’t ruin my masterpiece. I worked hard on that.”
All four of you in the room laugh when there’s another knock on your door. Your sister opens it. You look and see Owen in the doorway. “Everything’s ready when you are, Y/N. By the way, you look very pretty.”
“Thank you, Owen,” you say, smiling. “We’ll be down in a moment.” He nods and closes the door.
It’s a very small wedding. Your parents, older sister, older brothers, blood aunts, uncles, first cousins, grandparents, and their plus ones on your side. Charlie’s parents, younger sister, older brothers, blood aunts, uncles, first cousins, grandparents, and their plus ones on his side. Plus Owen, Jeremy, Savannah, Cheyenne, Booboo, Madison, Sacha, and several other cast members from Julie and the Phantoms that you and Charlie consider yourself close with were invited, plus their plus ones. There’s maybe fifty or so people here. Compared to the probably two hundred or so that would have come if you invited every single family member and friend the two of you have.
With a sigh, you leave the room with your mother, Sav, and your sister. You wait in the dining room. Owen, Jeremy, and your father wait in there already. You look out the window to see everyone making conversation in the backyard in their seats. The white arch decorated with flowers looks nice with the mountains as a backdrop. You can see Charlie speaking with the ordained minister that is officiating the wedding under the arch as he waits for you.
Your mother hugs you and says, “You look stunning, Y/N. This is your day. Enjoy it.”
“Thank you, momma,” you say, holding back tears of your own now. Your mom pulls back from the hug and kisses your nose. You smile and she walks away.
Jeremy pairs up with your sister and Owen pairs up with Savannah. Your father walks over with your bouquet of white and lilac roses. “You ready, Y/N?” You nod and look up at your father. He looks very nice in his suit and his hair neatly combed back.
The pairs begin to walk out and conversation dies down. Madison plays the piano because you asked and you thought it would make the day more special if she played you down the aisle.
Your father hooks his left arm with your right arm and begins to walk down the “aisle”. The aisle is a space between the two sections of seats decorated with white roses.
As you walk, your eyes are on Charlie. He has a big smile on his face as he watches you. His hair is in his naturally wavy state and he’s clean shaven. He looks handsome in his suit and tie with a little bouquet of white flowers pinned to his jacket. You can see his big eyes full of happy tears, which spill onto his cheeks even though he tries to hold them back.
When you get to the arch, your father hands you away to Charlie. Mads stops playing when you’re both under the arch and you hand your bouquet back to your sister.
The minister begins, “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to celebrate the love of these two people. If there is some reason to why these two should not be wed, speak up now or forever hold your peace.”
Your eyes don’t leave Charlie’s as no one objects. The minister continues, “If the bride and groom have any vows, they can speak now.”
“I have a few things I’d like to say,” you say, smiling at Charlie. The minister nods and you continue speaking. “Charlie, we met five years ago. We were there for each other before either of us found real fame. I promised you when we started dating that I would be there for you after either of us found real fame. This is me renewing that promise. I promise to love you, to trust you, to be with you forever no matter what. I promise to support any role that you take, or don’t take. I promise to be there for you when you get frustrated at anything, and I promise to love you through your worst days.”
Charlie sniffles a bit and the crowd “awes”. Your fiancé smiles and says, “I don’t know how to top that but here we go. Y/N, je t'aime. Je t’adore. There are so many ways to tell you that I love you and that I adore you in every way possible, but there are not enough ways to tell you that I love and adore you. We met five years ago and I knew then that I’d be standing here with you. I knew that you were the woman I was going to marry one day. We’ve been together for four years now, and I have never taken any day out of the past four years for granted. We’ve created so many memories together. We’ve recently been creating music together. I’m going to be super cheesy when I say it but I’m going to say it anyway. No music is worth making, Y/N, if I’m not making it with you. No memory is worth making, Y/N, if I’m not making it with you. No regrets. Je t’aime, I love you.”
You were able to hold it together until Charlie pulled out the “no music is worth making” line. You loved that line when he said it in the show, and he just pulled it out as he said his vows. You grow antsy, wanting to kiss him already.
The minister says, “Okay, the rings.” Owen pulls them out of his suit pocket. Of course Charlie had to give Owen the rings.
“Repeat after me, Y/N,” the minister says. You nod. “I, Y/N L/N, take thee Charles Gillespie to be my lawfully wedded husband in sickness and in health, til death do us part.”
With a smile on your face, you say, “I, Y/N L/N, take thee Charles Gillespie to be my lawfully wedded husband in sickness and in health, til death do us part.”
You slide Charlie’s silver band onto his left ring finger. The minister says, “Your turn, Charlie. Repeat after me. I, Charles Gillespie, take thee Y/N L/N to be my lawfully wedded wife in sickness and in health, til death do us part.”
Charlie states into your eyes and repeats, “I, Charles Gillespie, take thee Y/N L/N to be my lawfully wedded wife in sickness and in health, til death do us part.”
He slides your silver band onto your left ring finger. Your engagement ring is on your right ring finger.
The minister says, “With the power invested in me by the state of Pennsylvania, I pronounce you husband and wife. Charlie, you may kiss your bride.”
Charlie doesn’t hesitate after that. He cups your face in his hands and pulls your lips to his. The crowd cheers as you seal the wedding with a kiss.
***
The backyard is quickly turned into a reception area with a tent and everything. You don’t ever leave Charlie’s side the whole night.
You have your first dance with Charlie as a married couple, dancing to Thinking Out Loud by Ed Sheeran. This was the song you both first danced to when you started dating so to come full circle, you made it your wedding song.
Your head is on his chest as he holds you in his arms. He looks down at you and says, “You look absolutely gorgeous, Y/N. I don’t think I’ve told you that enough times tonight.”
“Just because you can be cheesy, don’t mean you always should be,” you say, looking up at your new husband.
Charlie says, “Well, then to make it less cheesy, I think you look beautiful but you’ll look even more beautiful when that dress is on the floor and you’re underneath me naked.”
You playfully hit his shoulder and say, “Charles Gillespie. Now is not the time for sexual jokes.”
He smirks and says, “You married me. You’ll be hearing them all the time now.”
With a laugh from you both, you lean up and press a light kiss to Charlie’s lips. Both of you share these types of kisses all through the night, until you’re alone in your hotel room in Paris for your two-week long honeymoon.
#charlie gillespie imagines#charlie gillespie imagine#charlie gillespie x oc#charlie gillespie x reader#charlie gillespie x y/n#julie and the phantoms imagines#jatp imagines#jatp imagine#fluff imagines#wedding imagines#wedding imagine#imagines#imagine#fluff#requests are open
192 notes
·
View notes
Text
Let Me In- Danny Williams
summary- someone from the readers past shows up on an already hard day and all her boyfriend wants her to do is open up. reader is steves sister
"You wanted to see me?" I asked Danny who was standing in the doorway of Steve's office. He moved aside and I saw who was inside.
"Hell no."
I turned to walk away.
"Hear her out." Steve said.
"I don't want to hear her out."
"Oh come on I'm your sister." Mary piped in.
"My sister who stole money from me multiple times and didn't come to our fathers funeral. Some sister you are Mary. In fact the last time I saw you was at moms funeral. Years ago! You should get the sister of the year award."
"Y/n I was different when we were younger."
"Really, because since then, I've bailed your ass out of jail one too many times."
"Come on, I came to apologize to you."
"I'm sure you did, but I don't want to hear it." I turned to leave.
"Y/n you walk out that door, you lose your job." Steve said.
I stopped in the doorway and then turned around. I took the badge that was on the ring of my jeans off and handed it to Steve. Steve knew what today was and he was really gonna fire me because I wouldn’t talk to my sister.
"Screw this. I'm not talking to her." I handed him my gun out of my holster before walking out.
"y/n wait!" I heard Danny yell.
"Y/n!"
"Agent McGarrett, is everything okay?" The secretary asked me.
"Just peachy."
I got in my car and drove to my apartment.
I never realized how much I missed work until I wasn’t there. It had only been a couple hours but I would rather be at work then here. I heard a knock on my door so I got up to go answer it. It was Danny. He was holding a brown bag of takeout. “Grace is at her moms, and you seemed pretty stressed today, can I come in?” I smiled at my boyfriend. “You always do know how to make me smile.” He followed me inside closing the door behind him. After he took the food out of the bags, which happened to be chinese food, he sat next to me on the couch. “So do you want to talk about why you don’t want to make up with your sister?” I looked at Danny, I never told him about my past, and I figured since I trusted him with my life on the job I could trust him with my past.
“She didn’t show up to my dad’s funeral, and she lied to me. Do you really think I should give her a second chance?” “She’s your sister, I think you should at least try.” “Thanks Danny. While we’re talking about my past, six years ago today my fiancé died trying to save me.” He looked at me with a caring look on his face. He didn’t even know I had a fiancé to begin with. “I’m sorry y/n.” He pulled me into his side and wrapped his hands around my shoulder. “Thank you Danny, you really are a good boyfriend.” He smiled at me. “Wanna stay the night?” “I would love too”
The next day
Danny had told me that they were all going to Kamekonas today after work, so thats where I’m going to make up with my sister and get my job back.
“Look who decided to show up!” “Oh shut up Steve!” I walked past him and over to Mary.
"Are you gonna yell at me again y/n?"
"No. I'm sorry for yelling at you earlier."
"Wow you actually apologized. Didn't see that coming."
"This is exactly why I didn't want to apologize to you."
"I'm just messing with you y/n."
I smiled at her.
"Oh here before I forget." She put her hands in her pocket and pulled out an envelope.
"What is this?"
"This is all the money i've ever stole from you. All 200 of it."
"Keep it. I never cared that you stole money from me. I was just upset because you thought I would say no if you asked to borrow some."
She put the envelope back in her pocket and smiled.
"I am sorry about not going to dads funeral."
"I know."
"It was good seeing you Mary."
"You too y/n." I hugged her and walked away to find Danny now sitting by himself.
"What's wrong with you? You look like a little kid who just lost their dog."
"If you must know, I just got off the phone with my ex wife's lawyer. She's trying to get my visitation hours with Grace lowered."
"She can't do that can she?"
"Unfortunately she can."
"I'm sorry Danny."
"Yeah well."
"Wait, I have a really good lawyer. She's great in family court and custody battles."
"How would you know? Do you have a secret kid I don't know about."
I laughed and shook my head no.
"When my parents got divorced, they went to court to decide who would get custody of Mary and I."
"They just didn't want Steve anymore? I don't blame them."
"No, they got divorced when I was 16 and Mary was 17. Steve was already old enough to be on his own."
"I'd appreciate that y/n."
"I'll give her your number."
"Wait Cole why are you doing this? Half the time you could care less about anyone other than yourself and if he's lucky sometimes Steve."
"Danny your my boyfriend, I pretend not to care about anyone, because it's just easier that way."
"What do you mean it's easier?"
"That way when they walk out of my life or die I won't get hurt."
"What are you talking about?"
"Danny, Five-O are the only people I have left in my life. My moms dead, dads dead. My sister doesn't live in Hawaii. My fiancé's dead. So in reality you, Chin, Kono, Lou, and Steve are the only people left that I don't entirely hate, but I'm gonna pretend like I don't care about any of you until I believe it myself."
"Cole we're your family now. You don't have to pretend that you don't care about us."
"I guess not."
"Your not alone anymore. You've got me, and Steve, and Kono, and Chin and Lou."
"I appreciate that Danny. I guess I should admit it. I do care about you."
"I care about you too Cole."
33 notes
·
View notes
Text
HPHM MC Profile ✧
Indigo Silverwood
“ Getting near you is like stretching my hand into an open flame. I know I’ll burn myself, yet I crave the heat. ”
Nicknames: Indie. Didi (only by family). Silverwood. Silvie (by people who don't bother learning her name).
Gender: Female.
Birthday: 6th of March, 1973.
Born: Edinburgh, Scotland.
Mother: Clarin (née Tramer) Silverwood - Half-blood, Ravenclaw, English.
Father: Palmer Silverwood - Pureblood, Slytherin, Scottish.
Siblings: Jacob Silverwood (b. 1968), Phoenix Nobleworth Silverwood (b. 1973) - Phoenix was adopted after the death of his parents when he was just a couple of months old.
Ethnicity: Scottish, English, (probably with some Spanish roots).
Sexuality: Straight.
MBTI Type: ENFP-A
Blood Status: Half-blood (by her muggle grandmother on her mother's side).
Hogwarts House: Gryffindor.
Appearance
Eyes: Naturally yellow/golden/amber (nobody knows why, since their parent’s eyes are brown) but both hers and Jacob's eyes are like this). She wears glasses for her Astigmatism.
Hair: Naturally dark brown, but she asked her mother to turn it red when she turned 8 and doesn't plan on undoing it any soon.
• She’s average tall and reasonably strong build, honey-brown skin littered with scars from venturing with the vaults and being freaking attacked by dark wizards, big hands and feet due to her height. A large chest that grows at once in her 4th year (”Everybody's starring, Rowan!”).
• She keeps her nails short. Her makeup is often down to just some lipstick (mascara smudges her glasses, eye shadow irritates her eyes), her hair is often long wavy and fluffed for extra volume. She often smells like coconut oil from all the creams her mother insisted she used.
• She looks a lot like her father which gives her a rather rough look - like a handsome but wild animal - yet has enough of her mother’s attributes to be considered attractive and poise if well-groomed.
Magical Aspects
1st Wand: Red Oak wood with Dragon Heartstring core, 12″, pliable. "The true match for a red oak wand is possessed of unusually fast reactions, making it a perfect dueling wand. Its ideal master is light of touch, quick-witted and adaptable, often the creator of distinctive spells, and a good person to have beside in a fight." Indigo had good times with her red oak wand but as the years went by, her emotions start affecting the wand's efficiency. The wand would bleed a glowing red light in moments of extreme physical or emotional pain and become extremely unstable.
2nd Wand: Beechwood with Thestral hair core, 13", rigid flexibility. "The true match for a beech wand will be, if young, wise beyond their years, and if full-grown, rich in understanding and experience. Beech wands perform very weakly for the narrow-minded and intolerant. When properly matched, the beech wand is capable of a subtlety and artistry rarely seen in any other wood, hence its lustrous reputation." Indigo has a hard time adapting to her new wand, it's stubborn to her spells and acts upon its own will especially considering its unusual and unstable core, Thestral hair, which is of unknown habilities, except for its use in the mythical, Elder wand. Her wand is one of a kind which is why she has to adapt her abilities to match the wand's requirements. Despite all, it's a remarkable instrument for undoing curses/spells and detecting danger.
Animagus: Somali cat. She's already certain she wants to be a cat animagus - harmless, of easy blend, and enables an approach to humans -, but decides for the Somali breed, during the process, for its sumptuous golden fur and agility.
Patronus: Kangaroo, for its fighting spirit and family values, not to mention its strength. (In-game it's the Abraxan, but only because I thought it would be cool.)
Patronus memory: (During the first times) Her first Quidditch match, not just because they won but because everyone she loves from Hogwarts was there, and she got to cheer their victory together. (Later years) Her family gathering for hot cocoa during a rainy night with Jacob with them.
Abilities: Legilimency, and great emotional influence over magic (Don't get her frightened or angry or she will blow you up).
Boggart: Her boggart changes constantly - she can't decide if it's either because she overcame the old fears, or if the new ones toppled those, creating a pile of fears. And since the new DADA teacher is always teaching Riddikulus again and again, the famous curse-breaker is always the most awaited in the line.
Jacob, eyes dark and musty, clothes covered in blood, someone's blood. He walks to her and slowly raises his sleeve, the Death mark is craved deep in his flesh and it glows. Behind him, it rises the Dark Lord.
Riddikulus: He turns into a younger version of himself from a photograph she recalls laughing about with her mom (he's running wearing a loaded diaper, crazy hair, rosy cheeks).
For a while is someone in a cloak threatening to cast the killing curse over her friends, whispering each of their names like a snake but she's frozen unable to stop them.
Riddikulus: The cloak falls to reveal a bunch of gnomes piled up wearing wigs and makeup.
For another, very realistic corpses of all of her friends spread at her feet, a dark wizard across from her, it's over and there isn't anything she can do to save them anymore - it was a grim day in DADA, but they all wanted to see it didn't they?
Riddikulus: This is the one time she fails to defeat a boggart, letting the horrible scene consume her, she falls to her knees defeated, and even after Rakepick's shouting, when she tries to cast the spell, it fails again and again.
This last boggart came to show everyone around her how truly terrified she was, not for her own life, but for that of those around her. How despite the confidence she was constantly displaying, in reality, she was afraid she couldn't save them from whatever was trying to get her.
Amortentia: Her Amortentia smells like Jacob's cologne — which he used to borrow from their father which is why she recalls so easily —, fresh Catnip ever since she became an animagus, bakings just out of the oven — extra intensity if there's chocolate involved, and freshly washed sweaters (from hugging Barney and the Weasleys).
Mirror of Erised: She's under the shadow of a tree, Jacob on one side along with Phoenix and Aspen, Barnaby's head resting on her lap, Rowan by her side, and Orion for some reason. They're laughing and reading books, it's an eternal spring afternoon.
Miscellaneous
Pets: A Sphynx cat, Mocca, a brown and white rat, Franccesca, and (later in her Hogwarts years) a Great Horned owlet, Plum.
Things she always carries with her: Her wand (duh), a handmade Gryffindor bracelet that used to belong to Jacob, the Handbook of Magical Theory, a handful of peppermints, a pouch with some money, a flask of Wideye potion, some Murtlap Essence, and a family photo during Christmas of 1980.
Lucky Amulets: She has a dream catcher made by Phoenix from feathers he shed during transformations and a "broken" knight from Murphy's chessboard who decided to leave the game for good and now sleeps on Indigo's nightstand with its horse, she likes stroking the horse the night before every Quidditch match
Best Friends
Her brother, Phoenix, takes the crown in matter of importance because, well, they're siblings who grew up practically like twins, but their relationship deserves their own detailing.
Rowan has got to be the first. Not only they share the same adventurous nerdy spirit, but Rowan also is the one to stick around even when everything is dark and uncertain and Indigo's popularity plummets. Indigo is always excited to hear whatever Rowan has to say - most times about books or Bill Weasley - and she's rarely fazed by the weird things Rowan does.
Murphy McNully is a close second, having officially met in the middle of her second year, they're both still fresh in a matter of friendships which allows them to open up, both in desperate need of company and support. He's often a companion in the girl's library and common room study sessions and sits with them during meals.
Charlie Weasley has her heart and soul from the moment they first speak during year one, but it actually takes a while until they form any real bond, which begins after he finds out she has been seeking his brother's help to search for the cursed vaults.
Ben is a friend she cherishes deeply but often finds it hard to break through his protective shell which makes him feel distant even when he opens up to her. Unlike her friends, she grows more liking towards Ben after he has his change in personality, as he feels more open about himself.
Chiara is a friend she deeply appreciates for her courage in reaching out for her help in times of need and trusting her with her secret. In Marauder fashion, she likes keeping an eye on her on the nights of full moon - which is good to train her cat tree climbing. They often have afternoon tea together and she teaches Indigo useful healing spells.
Andre and Indigo didn't have a great start, as she thought of him as arrogant and inconsiderate, and he thought she was careless and selfish. But when she helps him with a transfiguration mishap during their 3rd year when he was trying to be creative - and the reason he now has a two-headed cat - they start opening up to each other and begin a friendship. He's a good friend to confide in about the mundane aspects of her life and Quidditch intrigues.
Orion means to her more than she can put into words. Not only he is her team captain, but also a dear friend whom she turns to in times of emotional instability cause she knows he'll be the one to successfully help her clear her mind. They enjoy each other's company even if they don't have anything interesting to say. They sit together during every Divination class for as long as the subject goes.
She has no "rivals" as she finds that sort of labeling quite petty, but would definitely punch Emily Tyler on the stomach and perhaps Face Paint kid for all his eavesdropping.
She has an easier time bonding with her fellow Gryffindors since they spend most of their time together in classes, lunch, and hanging around in the common room.
Dormmates: She and Rowan got placed in a room for three people, as the ones for five were already full, along with a girl called Tanya. But at the beginning of their 4th year, they find out she has bailed out to another dorm room claiming they 1. Snort and speak in their sleep on a regular basis, 2. Will eventually endanger her with their cursed vault shenanigans, 3. Will get her killed - which, spoilers, actually happens, oops. So they basically have the dorm for themselves.
Academics
Favorite Classes:
Potions
Flying
DADA
Magical Theory
Least Favorite:
Transfiguration
History of Magic
Arithmancy
Favorite Professor: Kettleburn. Despite CoMC not being on her top favorite subjects, she enjoys her time in his classes and reminds her of her grandfather on her father's side who's a highlander wizard.
Least Favorite: Binns. Just retire you old man!
Quidditch Position: Chaser. Despite enjoying her time as Gryffindor's beater, she notices the position takes a toll on her physical wellbeing, having to carry a heavy bat and being injured by bludgers more times than she can keep track of. So she returns to her chaser position after a year.
Favorite Team: Montrose Magpies. She never had an interest in Quidditch before she began playing but decided to pick a team to support. Of course, it had to be a Scottish team and settles for MM because of professor McGonagall who's also a supporter.
She's not indigo's face claim, but it's hard to find good red-haired characters out there.
I guess I'll leave her background and history for another post since it interweaves very tightly with her sibling. And since I'm still exploring her story.
Well this is just an intro to my beloved MC
27 notes
·
View notes
Text
"You're all gonna be ok."
An hour of waiting later, Bobby was pacing back and forth in The Orpheum, wondering where the rest of his band was. They should've been back at least fifteen minutes ago. It doesn't take this long to get some hotdogs, eat quickly and come back.
Rose watched him pace nervously with a frown, her own anxiety growing in her stomach. "They might be fine, Bobby. They probably just got stuck in traffic." She told him, not so sure if she was trying to convince him or herself of that hypothetical.
"And what if they didn't, Rose?" Bobby countered and gave her a look, thinking of every possible reason for the guys to not be there. "What if they're in trouble?" He looked at the ceiling, pushing his hair back for the millionth time.
"And what if they are?" Rose countered back, and Bobby stopped to look at her again.
He turned his body toward her and crossed his arms, shaking his head. "They would've called." He said, looking up when he heard a voice say his name.
"Call for a Bobby Wilson?"
Bobby bit his lip nervously, taking Rose's hand in his. He walked toward the guy with the phone, taking it from him. "Hello? Bobby Wilson speaking."
Rose gave him an encouraging smile when Bobby took her hand and stayed close to him, hoping her presence was comforting and not overbearing or upsetting.
"Hello, Bobby. I'm calling from Dignity Health Hospital. I believe your friends are here. They refused to give their parents' phone numbers and insisted we call you at The Orpheum."
Bobby gasped softly and squeezed Rose's hand, his breathing and heart rate picking up as the polite voice of the woman over the phone listed off the names of his band mates, his best friends, his family, one by one.
"Alex Mercer. Luke Patterson. Reggie Peters."
The next few moments happen in a blur for Bobby. Squeezing Rose's hand once more. Taking a deep shaky breath and clearing his throat. Thanking the woman and hanging up. Telling Rose where the boys were. Rose pulling him outside and yelling for a taxi. The four minute car ride to the hospital. The walk inside. Every noise sounded like he was under water.
Rose gave Bobby a worried look and rubbed circles in his hand with her thumb as they walked inside together and asked the receptionist about the guys. Tears streaming down her face, she walked to the room the boys would be in, Bobby right behind her.
Being in the room, seeing the guys, was what broke Bobby out of his daze. He blinked and shook his head, moving to stand in between Reggie's, who was groaning into his bedpan, and Alex's, who a nurse explained had to be sedated because he was panicking so badly, beds while Rose went straight to Luke's bed. He wasn't going to lie. All three of them looked like Hell. "You're ok, Reggie. You're all gonna be ok." Bobby promised. He hoped he could keep that promise.
"What happened, boys?" Rose asked, gently smoothing the hair off Luke's sweaty forehead. She frowned as Luke let out a shuddering breath and gagged, being sick into his bedpan.
"Food poisoning." The doctor said from the other side of Reggie's bed. "Lucky they got in when they did, or-" He scowled, giving them a 'well, you know' sort of look. "They'll have to stay for a week to get fluids and regular checks on their hearts and kidneys."
"Wh- A week?!" Luke shook his head weakly, trying to get out of his bed. He couldn't be stuck in there for a week. He had things to do! "No, no, no. We have to go perform!" He told them, trying to kick his left leg over the side of the bed.
"Luke." Rose said with a frown. "Luke, no." She said, gently pushing him back into a laying position in his bed.
"Perfo- None of you are in any condition to perform!" Bobby huffed, shaking his head incredulously. How could Luke still be thinking about performing when a doctor had just informed him that he almost died?! "You are in a hospital bed and hooked up to IVs, Luke!" He pointed out, gesturing to the machine monitoring his vitals.
"But-" But they were gonna be Legends! They had to play The Orpheum!
"Luke! No!" Bobby yelled. "You guys almost died! You should be sleeping and recuperating right now!"
"Bobby." Rose started, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Maybe you should sit down."
Bobby frowned, crossing his arms. "I'm fine, Rose."
"You're not." Rose and Reggie said together.
"Reggie-"
"Bobin, you should go home. Rest." Reggie said softly, pleading with his eyes for Bobby to not worry, to sit down.
"No. No way. I'm not leaving you." Bobby insisted, taking Reggie's hand that didn't have a giant IV needle shoved into it in his own. "I'm not letting you guys leave my sight. Not again." He promised.
Reggie frowned at that, knowing Bobby well enough to know that he was being stubborn because he blamed himself. He blamed himself because he told them to go get hot dogs. He told them to go get hot dogs and they landed them in the hospital. Reggie shook his head, opening his mouth to say something before he felt like he was going to puke again, grabbing his bedpan.
Bobby frowned guiltily at that, rubbing comforting circles into Reggie's back. "You'll get better, Gigi. The week'll go by in no time, and then we can get all of you back home."
Reggie was sick into his bed pan and wiped away the crud with a hand towel the nurse gave him, smiling weakly at Bobby. "You're a sweetheart, Bobins."
Bobby smiled at that, gently stroking a hand through Reggie's hair. "You know I just care about you."
Rose watched the exchange with a small smile, sharing a look with Luke to ask 'so are they really always like this?'.
Luke chuckled softly and nodded, whispering to her that they were so embarrassingly in love and too scared to do anything about it.
Rose bit her lip to hide a smirk and leaned in close to whisper a secret in Luke's ear, making him snort and slap a hand over his mouth. He looked at her and gave a 'really?' look.
Rose giggled and nodded, putting a finger to her lips to keep quiet about it.
"What are you two giggling about?" Bobby asked them with a smile.
"Noooothing."
Bobby scoffed and shook his head with a disbelieving smirk while Rose just smiled innocently back at him.
Their time in the hospital went similarly for the next week. Rose and Bobby would come plowing in the second visitor's hours started, Luke would complain about still being stuck in the hospital, Bobby would go straight to Reggie's side, and Rose straight to Luke's side. Bobby and Reggie would flirt like crazy and Rose and Luke would chuckle and shake their heads at them, Alex joining in pretty instantly.
Bobby and Rose had grown pretty close to the boys' nurses in that time, and even convinced them to play their demo CD on occasion. Reggie always piped in with a quick 'Tell your friends!', charming every nurse that looked his way.
The day finally came to leave, and the nurses all acted absolutely devastated for them to go, even if it just meant a full recovery. The nurses loved the kids, and the kids loved the nurses.
"Bye, Ester. Enjoy the rest of your life!" Rose grinned at the last nurse as they walked out as a group, Bobby and Reggie holding hands and Rose holding Luke and Alex' hands. "So, who's house are we going to first?" She asked, excited to maybe meet a few of their parents.
"Oh, I'm taking you to your place and we're all going back to my garage." Bobby answered casually.
"Your garage?"
"We all kinda live there." Luke shrugged and just kept walking. "It's not a big deal."
"Not a big- You live in a garage!" Rose exclaimed, shaking her head. This simply wouldn't do. "Excuse me, I have to make a call." She said and walked away toward the nearest payphone. She put in a quarter and dialed her home phone, grinning when her sister answered. "Hey, Victoria! I need a little baby sized favor. Can you ask mama to set a few extra places at the table tonight, please?"
"How many?"
"Uh... Four."
"...Explain."
Rose winced and sighed, pushing her hair back. "I met these boys living in their friends' garage-"
"Wait, are these the people you've been meeting with all week?" Victoria questioned.
"Yeah, at the hospital."
"Woah, what?"
"Can you just ask mama?"
"Fine, but you better let me borrow that dress in the back of your closet."
"S-sure." Rose rolled her eyes. "Thanks, bye." She said and hung up, walking back to the boys. "We're all going to my place for dinner."
"Rosie, you d-"
"I'm gonna stop you right there, Bobbers." Rose smiled at the nickname. Bobby had quite a few. She learned that quickly. There was just one little nickname only Reggie was allowed to use, though. Bobins. Rose thought it was absolutely precious when she found out and respected that only Reggie could called him that.
"Rose."
"You boys deserve better than a garage and some take out, or some poisonous hot dogs." She smirked. "You're getting a real meal tonight."
The boys looked at her for a minute and smiled gratefully, appreciating how much Rose had grown to care for them in the week they had known each other. Bobby hailed a taxi and they piled in one by one, Rose giving directions to her house.
Bobby smiled as he handed the driver some money and everyone piled out of the car, following Rose to her house.
"Now, no need to be nervous about meeting my mom. Mi mama loves everybody. It's my sister you need to worry about." She explained and rang the doorbell.
"Noted." Bobby smiled, squeezing Reggie's hand. He smiled politely as Rose's sister opened the door and stepped outside, shutting the door behind her.
"Rosita, are these the boys you told me about over the phone?" Victoria asked sternly with her hands on her hips.
"Yes, Tori. This is Luke." Rose gestured toward Luke.
"Hey." Luke gave her a grin.
"Alex."
"Hi, there." Alex smiled and threw up a peace sign.
"Reggie."
"Hi!" Reggie gave a bright grin and waved with his free hand.
"And Bobby."
"Hi." Bobby smiled.
"Hi." Victoria said slowly after a minute. "You said something about a garage, Rose?"
Luke winced, nodding. "We kinda were living in Bobby's garage before the week in the hospital. He had the best place."
"Only because you ran away and refused to go back." Bobby pointed out.
"And the hospital trip?"
"We ate some bad hot dogs."
Victoria blinked at that and sighed, pinching her nose. She was so done with her sister right now. "You know what. Just come in." She said and pulled the door open, letting everyone in. "Mama! Rose and her friends are here!"
"Hi, mama!" Rose grinned happily and led the boys to the dining room.
"Rosita, there you are!" The boys heard Rose's mom, Carla call from the kitchen and watched her put bowls and plates of food on the table, kissing Rose's head. "So these are your friends?"
"Rose spent her entire week next to their hospital beds." Victoria said dryly as she sat down.
"What? Oh, what happened, bebes?"
"They, uh, ate bad hot dogs the night I met them and I decided I wanted to be around while they got better."
"Don't your parents feed you?" Carla asked, her jaw dropping when the boys frowned and stayed silent. "Ohh... You boys can come over for some food or just hang out any time." She offered.
Luke smiled at that and nodded, biting into his food. "Gracias."
"We really appreciate that." Bobby said gratefully, sipping his water.
"No, I don't wanna impose." Alex shook his head.
"Oh, nonsense!" Carla shook her head with a wave of her hand. "I would love some more company in this big house."
"And we would love to hang out here." Reggie nodded. "Maybe we could rehearse here."
"But how would we get our instruments in here?" Alex questioned. "Plus, I don't think they would appreciate the noise."
"Instruments? You boys are in a band?" Victoria asked.
"Oh, yeah. We're Sunset Curve!" Luke grinned.
"Tell your friends!"
"Oh, I have a copy of their demo in my backpack! I'll play it after dinner! Oh, you're gonna love them! They're amazing!"
"You're amazing, Rosie. And so are you." Reggie grinned at Carla, happily eating another tamale.
"I just love you guys and I know you'll make it." Rose told them, her eyes flickering toward Reggie and Bobby holding hands under the table. She snickered and covered her mouth, giving them a grin as the boys blushed and smiled at each other.
Carla watched them and grinned, her eyes sparkling. "And how long have you two been together?"
"Um, officially, two days." Bobby answered. "But I think we've kinda always been together? So, about four years."
"I can confirm they have acted like a married couple ever since they met." Alex nodded.
"As if you and Lucas don't act the same." Rose sassed gently.
Victoria snorted, licking her lips.
Reggie laughed, nodding quickly. "You kinda do, even though you're broken up."
"And we broke up-" "-for a reason." Luke and Alex said together and Reggie laughed again, this time hiding his face in Bobby's shoulder.
Bobby smiled fondly and kissed his head, thinking back to two days ago when Rose had finally broken him down and forced him to tell Reggie about his feelings.
Rubbing the back of his neck, Bobby smiled as he watched Reggie talk animatedly about something to Alex, mouth going a mile a minute. He laughed when Reggie chuckled, biting his lip fondly. God, Reggie was adorable when he got excited. He tilted his head as he kept watching Reggie, his skin almost sparkling in the sunshine. He loved to sit back and watch Reggie just be, especially now when they were sat outside, the boys set free from their hospital room for just half an hour.
He sighed happily and rested his chin on his hand, feeling two pairs of eyes on him. Slowly, he blinked and turned to give the eyes a tense grin and a slight shake of his head. He was met with twin glares at that, and sighed when they both gestured toward Reggie. He pushed his hair back and watched him for another minute before giving in and walking toward the sweet boy. "Hey, Reg?"
Reggie looked up from where he was sitting in the middle of telling a story and smiled, fixing his jacket. "Yeah, Bobins?"
Bobby grinned at the nickname and knelt next to him, glancing at a smiling Alex. "Lex, you think I can get a minute alone with him?" He asked, giving him a pointed look and nudged his head toward Reggie.
Alex tilted his head, his eyes almost popping out of his head and a grin overtaking his face as he realized why Bobby was asking for this. "OH, yeah! Sure! I'll go bother Rosie and Luke about my thing. You two have your little talk." He grinned, giving Bobby a subtle wink as he walked toward Rose and Luke. "Hey, Patterson!"
Bobby rolled his eyes and sighed, sinking to sit on his knees next to Reggie. He looked up to see Reggie smiling at him and crossing his legs. He gulped and looked around, fiddling with his bracelets as he looked for a way to start talking.
"What's going on?" Reggie asked, breaking Bobby out of his thoughts.
"O-oh. I just, um, I just wanted to ask if you wanted to, um-" Bobby stopped and groaned, shifting to sit on his butt and burying his face in his knees. He was definitely overthinking how to do this.
"Bobs?" Reggie asked softly, placing a gentle hand on Bobby's shoulder.
Bobby looked up and felt the corner of his mouth tug into a smile at the sweet, reassuring grin Reggie was giving him, placing his own hand over Reggie's. He took a deep breath and looked up at him, squeezing his hand. "I was just thinking, when they let you guys out of here, maybe you and I could go see a movie or something? Just you and me?" He bit his lip.
"One-on-one time with you? I'm in!" Reggie nodded instantly. "You know I'm always up for hanging out with my best friend, Bobby." He grinned.
Bobby raised his eyebrows fondly and chuckled, shifting closer to him. "I know. Because you're just like that, Gigi." He smiled. "But what I meant was, like, on a date." He told him and worried his lip again, watching his reaction.
Reggie blinked and blushed as red as his flannel, running a hand through his hair. "O-oh! Um-" He chuckled, wringing his hands. "Are you sure, Bobins? You sure you want me? I'm kind of a lot, you know."
Bobby furrowed his eyebrows at the question and nodded, reaching out to take back the hand that left his empty. "Um, yeah. I know. I've known you for years, and I'm sure I want you." He said, letting his hand fall palm up on the ground so Reggie could take it on his own if he wanted to.
"I just think, you know, you have a lot of options at school. Fans of the band." Reggie told him, pausing every few words to think.
"Uh huh...?" Bobby answered slowly, frowning at him. He wasn't liking where Reggie was going.
"And you know, a lot of people like you. Not just me."
Bobby perked up at that and smiled, tilting his head.
"There's Chuckie in out Math class, and Grace and Anna from History. And there's Judy in Sci-"
"Reggie." Bobby cut him off from listing every kid in their classes, reaching his other hand up to cup Reggie's cheek. "Sweetheart, I don't want those other people. I want you. I like you. You like me. What's stopping us?"
Reggie frowned, leaning into the hand on his cheek. He stayed silent, but Bobby could tell there were things he wanted to say.
"Gigi." He coaxed gently, nudging him with the hand on the ground.
Reggie sighed, reaching down to take his hand. "I want to, Bobby. I really, really want to."
"But?"
"But you don't deserve my mess. You're too good. You shouldn't have to deal with me. I'm too much work. I'm too messed up."
Bobby frowned, shaking his head. "Reggie. Gigi. Sweetheart." He started. "Look at me."
Reggie sighed again and looked at Bobby, licking his lips.
"What if I told you, I'm ok with that? What if I told you I want to 'deal with' all of you and your 'mess'?" Bobby lifted a hand to cut Reggie off before he could start talking. "What if I told you, you're worth it all to me? What if I told you I think you're worth the work it takes to love you?"
"Oh..." Reggie let out a breath, his eyes flickering from Bobby's warm brown eyes to his lips and back. "Well, then. That-" He swallowed the lump in his throat. "That changes things a little bit."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
"Reggie?"
"Yeah, Bobins?"
Bobby smiled and leaned in slowly, giving Reggie time to pull away if he didn't want to. He pressed a gentle kiss to his lips, left hand reaching into Reggie's hair and right hand still lovingly cradling Reggie's cheek. He pulled away after a while and bit his lip, hunching his shoulders slightly. "Was that ok? I mean, I don't want you to be-"
"Bobbers."
"-Incomfortable. You can still say no. I just want you to kn-"
"Bobble."
"-That I really, really like you and I want to be with you, and-"
"Bobby!"
Bobby blinked at Reggie shouting his name and shut up, looking at him with furrowed eyebrows. "Y-yeah, Gigi?"
"Bobby, just kiss me again." Reggie smiled, wrapping his arms around Bobby's neck.
Bobby smiled sweetly at the boy and kissed him again, pulling away when he heard a few very familiar voices whoop and ooh at them. He looked back to see Luke, Rose, Alex and even a couple of the nurses that worked at the hospital, watching them with big matching grins on their faces. He laughed at that and shook his head, turning back toward Reggie. "So does this mean we're boyfriends now?" He asked quietly, grinning when Reggie nodded.
"Yeah. Yeah, we're boyfriends." Reggie told him, kissing him again.
Bobby was shaken from the memory when Reggie, precious, kind, adorable, sweet boy that he is, patted his shoulder.
"Sorry, what?" Bobby asked, shaking his head slightly.
"You alright?" Reggie smiled.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I was just thinking."
"Seemed pretty deep in thought." Victoria noted.
Reggie nodded in agreement, squeezing his hand.
"Just thinking back to two days ago." Bobby smiled, rubbing circles in Reggie's hand. "But I'm back." He assured them, and everyone finished their food.
They cleaned up together and Bobby smiled as he watched Luke and Alex double team the dirty dishes while Rose and Tori washed and put away the silverware, and just listened to Reggie telling him about a dream he had last night. He sighed happily, hugging him from behind and leaning his head against Reggie's. He was pretty sure life couldn't get much better than this. This was pretty close to perfect, if you asked him.
#julie and the phantoms#bobby wilson#reggie peters#rose molina#alex mercer#luke patterson#boggie#boggie fic#jatp fanfic
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
The Pain of Secrets
Author’s Note: This was supposed to be fluffy, that was my original intent. But then my brain decided to make it super angsty. So I apologize. Also, I am not transgender. I’m using the information I learned online as well as from what friends who are have told me. I hoped I portrayed a transgender person correctly. I meant to finish this before the end of pride month but writer’s block did not let that happen. Stay safe everyone.
Summary: Roman hates secrets and he hates keeping them, but he still has one. Is it worth keeping from Virgil?
Warning: Fear of Rejection, transphobia, self-hatred, internalized transphobia, keeping secrets, crying, running away, surgery mention, not taking care of yourself, anxiety, divorce mentioned, inappropriate touching, bad past relationship, hurt/comfort, roman angst, body image issues, bad binding practices, fear of breaking up (Let me know if I missed anything)
Pairing: Prinxiety
~
Roman hated secrets. Even the word would cause him to have an icky feeling in his chest. To have secrets, you have to lie to the people you care about. Secrets were the reason his parents weren’t together. His mother kept her emotions and suspension secret while his father kept his intimate relationship with a young coworker a secret.
At age 9, Roman swore to his grieving mother when he found her crying in the kitchen in the middle of the night when he could sleep. The smile on his mother’s face was enough to make him never want to break that promise.
That only lasted a couple of months and it was all his stupid body’s fault. If he had just been born in the right body, it wouldn’t be an issue.
You see, Roman wasn’t born a boy. Everyone told him he was a girl because he looked like one, but he didn’t feel like it. He knew he wasn’t but he didn’t know why.
He learned about the word transgender when his uncle took to a very fun and colorful parade that summer after he made his promise. It would later be the first of many Prides he attended and where his uncle met his other future uncle.
It took a few days for him to muster up the courage to tell his mother but his drive to never have a secret was the final push he needed.
His mom accepted him, she got him on HRT and even bought him his first binder. Though, he did notice how there seemed to now be a distance between them. They did fewer things together, his mother slipped up with pronouns, and always seemed like she was herself back from saying something.
But it was fine because at least there were no secrets between them.
“Everything is fine.” Roman would say as he ignored how much that hurt him.
“This is fine,” Roman said to himself as he only applied to colleges out of state. He and his mom just needed some time apart.
“Everything is great,” He told his mom through tears caused by the stress of school and being on his own.
“It’s okay,” said Roman when his first boyfriend told him he couldn’t be with a ‘fake man’ anymore after a couple of months of dating.
“It’s fine,” said Roman his second boyfriend angrily dumped him when he found out that Roman is trans. Roman didn’t blame him, he hadn’t told him right away as he did with his first boyfriend. This was his punishment for it.
It was really all fine. Roman didn’t mind being alone, he could handle it just fine. He was fine with always coming home to an empty apartment and an empty bed. A home without someone to hold him, kiss him, reassure him.
…
No, no he couldn’t. But he was a good actor and every good actor can lie to themselves.
He, at age 25, decided to put off dating until after he got his top and bottom surgery. It just seemed like the easiest option. His HRT did as much as it could but it couldn’t get rid of that feeling he had every time he looked into the mirror and touched his chest. It was one of the few things he had gotten straight from his mother.
After a late-night of research, he came up with a plan. To get both surgeries, he needs 20,000 dollars in total. Damn you America and your expensive medical costs! Well, there isn’t anything he can do other than every time he got paid, he saves all the extra money he had left after paying his bills and groceries. It wasn’t fun, there was time he wanted to buy that expensive tablet or go to that bar but he wouldn’t touch the money. Not until he had enough.
It was the perfect plan, in his opinion, but the universe was never on his side. He went to the library one day to borrow a book since that was a fun free thing to do, and he accidentally bumped into a young man. After a quick apology, Roman noticed the man was holding a large book of fairy tales. That led to a two-hour debate about the messages of fairy tales.
The man’s name is Virgil and Roman was sure at that moment he is his soulmate.
They spent more of their days texting one another whenever they could. Their first few dates would consist of free things like walking through the park or sitting together in the library. It was lovely. It’s why Roman figured he didn’t have to tell him that he was trans. It wasn’t like they were going to become more than friends. Roman figured this is how their relationship would stay, sweet and simple. That was perfectly fine with him.
Then Virgil invited to dinner to ask him to be his boyfriend. Virgil told him he had never asked anyone else out before but he felt such a strong connection with Roman. Everything about that moment was perfect, the restaurant, Virgil, the music, everything.
It wasn’t until he got home did Roman realize he still hadn’t told Virgil his secret. Roman cried himself to sleep that night.
After that first date, Virgil seemed to only take him to movies or dinners. Places that cost money, money Roman did not have living paycheck to paycheck. Virgil had a high paying office job so he said he didn’t mind. Roman still, at least once a month, would use his grocery money to buy fancy ingredients to make Virgil dinner and eat ramen for the rest of the week. It was nice, Roman had almost forgotten what it was like to go out.
Roman loves Virgil, he told him on their 5th date. He loved him so much that every day he would want to tell him his secret but the fear of losing Virgil would take over and make him chicken out.
That led him to today, almost a year later, sitting in Virgil’s apartment where he was staring at Virgil as his past flashed in front of his eyes like he was Angelica Schuyler during Satisfied.
Why? Because Virgil was inviting him to go to the beach. A place where you wear a swimsuit. Pushing aside how much he hated how he looked in a bathing suit, that meant he had to take off his shirt.
He was so screwed.
A cold hand jolted him out his thoughts so quickly that a small yelp escapes Roman’s lips. Roman scared eyes lock with Virgil’s loving and concerned eyes.
“Ro? What’s wrong? Do you not want to go?” Virgil asks softly, gently rubbing his knuckles
“No! I do! I do!” Roman replies quickly, a bit too quickly to alleviate Virgil’s concern.
“Ro, princey, you don’t have to agree just because I suggested it. We can do something else.”
Roman could have burst into tears at that moment. Virgil was just so good to him. He should take the way out, it would just make everything easier. He oh so wanted to but the nagging voice in the back of his head shouted at him that it was a trick, that Virgil was testing him, secretly questioning why Roman wouldn’t want to.
So, Roman shook his head, “I do want to Virgil, I-I just need to check when I can take off of work. You know how busy the restaurant business is during the summer.” Roman replies nervously.
Virgil sighs, “Alright, I believe you.” Virgil leans back against the couch, “You should quit that awful waiter job, they demand so many hours from you and barely pay you enough.”
Roman stares off into the distance before replying, “I wish I could quit too but I need the money and you know how hard it is to get a new job.” Especially if you’re trans.
Virgil nodded, knowing that he was very lucky to have the job that he did, all thanks to his friend Janus. Still, he hated how the light behind Roman’s eyes dim every day he is at that job and the physical strain it had on Roman’s gorgeous body. He wishes there was something he could do that wouldn’t seem like a handout. It would be too much of a blow to Roman’s pride.
Virgil smiles, he has a perfect idea. He turns to Roman and asks, “Roman, what would you think about--”
Roman whines in pain and Virgil’s eyes widen in fear. “Are you alright?!”
Roman nods and waves his hand dismissively. “Just chest--I mean stomach pains. I’ll be right back.” Roman runs off to the bathroom. As soon as he locks the door, Roman rips off his shirt and binder. He gasps, taking a deep breath of fresh air.
He knows he shouldn’t be wearing his binder all day, he knows it is not healthy but he can’t help himself. He rather be what (he thinks) Virgil wants than be comfortable.
Meanwhile, Virgil is frowning and whispers, “Hey Ro? Want to move in with me?”
Roman pants as he sits on the toilet. His chest was killing him but he could not care less. He took a painkiller from Virgil’s medicine cabinet. Swallowing it dry, he puts his binder and shirt back through the pain. He gets up and leans up against the wall to catch his breath.
“This is fine,” he mumbles to himself like he does every morning, “Everything is fine”
~
Two weeks had pasted and Roman still hadn’t given Virgil an answer. Virgil didn’t bring it up, he knew Roman would give him an answer when he was good and ready.
Roman was pacing, in a big shirt and boxers, with his phone in his hand, open on it was his bank account.
Once he got home from Virgil’s apartment, he quickly checked how much money he had saved. He was surprised to see that he had $8,654 saved up. It had been a while since he last checked. He quickly called around to get top surgery that fit into his budget.
He had a new plan. He would get the surgery, he would go to the beach with Virgil about 3 weeks later, and Virgil would see his surgery scars. Then Roman tell him and they could figure it all out there. If Virgil broke up,
No more avoiding it.
His phone began to vibrate and Roman vibrate and Roman quickly answers it, “Hello? Oh hi, Dr. Travis!”
This doctor had excellent reviews and she was to be trusted. One pleasant conversation later and Roman had an appointment set for a week later for $6,000 with insurance covering some of the cost. He also calls his job, who approves his two weeks of medical leave.
He squeals as soon as he hangs up, this was going to be wonderful. He had to celebrate.
So he calls Virgil, “Stormcloud?”
“Hey Ro, what’s up?”
Roman smiles, “I have great news. Four weeks from Tuesday, I can spend the entire day at the beach with you.”
“Jeez, your job really won’t let you catch a break, can they?”
Roman chuckles, deciding it was best not to mention he was one of the last days off he had after the ones he is using for his appointments and recovery for this. “Well, in any case. I would like to see you before then. I’m working the early shift tomorrow so I’ll be done by 1.”
Roman could hear Virgil smiling on the other side of the line, “Well, you’re in luck Princey. I only have one big meeting after lunch tomorrow. How about we meet for lunch, I hide you in my office while I go to this meeting and then we can go back to my place at 5?”
“That sounds perfectly wonderful.”
~
The lunch was nice. They went to a cheap sandwich shop that was close to Virgil’s work and had a small debate on whether or not putting mayo on Salami was a good or bad thing.
Roman almost immediately regretted agreeing to sit in Virgil’s office. He sat silently, and almost immediately, chest started to ache. Even worse, Virgil’s office needed a key to get into, one that Virgil only had because it was his ID card. Something about security or whatever.
Roman sat in Virgil’s office chair for 3 hours, he kept time on his phone. The second Virgil opened the door, Roman practically threw himself into Virgil’s arms.
“Missed me?”
“Something like that.”
They took the subway home, and Virgil could almost immediately tell something was wrong. Roman seemed to keep fidgeting and had on a fake smile. Virgil contemplated saying something, but by the time his anxiety let him decide, the train had arrived at their stop.
Virgil figured Roman would tell him in due time. Right?
Once they arrive, Virgil sighs as he pulls off his tie. “I am going to take a shower, you can set up a movie or something.”
Roman smiles and kisses Virgil, “Don’t be long.”
“Excuse me princess, but you take over two hours in the showers, I will take all the time I want.”
Roman laughs, “Touché, touché. Go on now. Hurry your cute butt back.” Roman gently pats Virgil’s butt to emphasize his point. Virgil sent him a playful glare and heads off to his bedroom.
Roman smile drops and he immediately takes off his shirt and binder. He loudly gasps and rubs his chest to ease the pain in his chest. He sighs and stretches, Virgil usually takes 30 minutes in the shower, so he was going to give him a 30-minute break.
Or he was...until he turns and sees Virgil standing at the end of the living room where the hallway is attached. He, like Roman, did not have his shirt on. Neither his pants.
Virgil opens and closes his mouth a few times before saying, “I forgot to mention, I-I-I have a bottle of wine.” He gestures vaguely to the kitchen,
Roman covers his chest with his arms, tears appearing quickly.
Virgil takes a step closer, “Ro...have you been...this whole time…?”
“I have to go,” Roman says as he runs to the door, shirt and binder in hand.
“Ro, wait--” Virgil makes a grab for Roman’s arm but misses as Roman runs out of the apartment. Virgil watches him go, knowing he shouldn’t run out in his boxers. He begins pacing, his nerves are on an all-time high, and he tries to steady his breathing so he can come up with a plan to talk to Roman.
Because they really, really, need to talk.
~
Roman didn’t stop running until he got home. Once he got in, thank goodness his keys were safely tucked into his pocket, he threw himself onto his bed and broken down. That had to be the most humiliating moment of his entire life. Virgil’s face had said it all, he was definitely breaking up with him.
He sobs and sobs for what it seems like hours until he tires himself out. He walks up at 4 am to 10 miss calls and 30 texts from Virgil.
From: Stormcloud
Ro, please call me back.
Princey, let’s just talk, please.
Babe, please, let me know if you’re okay.
I’m not mad. I just want to talk.
Roman. I’m not going to say what I have to say through text. Call me, please.
Roman shuts off his phone. He can’t face Virgil right now. He can’t face anything right now. His only saving grace is that he has the night shift at work. He closes his eyes and had a restless sleep.
His dreams were of Virgil walking farther and farther away from him. No matter how much Roman pleaded and begged for him to stay, Virgil just kept walking.
Once he walks up, he remembers reading somewhere that dreams tell the truth, and he knows his truth: Virgil does not want to be with him.
~
Roman ignores Virgil’s calls and texts between the Bad Day, as Roman dubbed it, and his surgery day. Though it started because Roman couldn’t face him, it then became just because of the surgery.
Roman didn’t like his job, for the most part, but he did have a friend. His name is Patton and he is the nicest person Roman has ever known. Patton was one of the few people who knew Roman is trans and he is a bug supporter in Roman’s life. Patton let him cover all of his shifts so Roman wouldn’t lose money on his time off. He was exhausted from all the work, but the happiness of what is to come pushed him through it. He stopped checking his phone as often as he normally would, despite Patton pushing him to go talk to Virgil.
”It may bit be as bad as you think kiddo,” Patton would say, but Roman was not sure.
Anytime he wasn’t working, he was making trips to the grocery store for his treatment or moving everything off of high shelves since he is not allowed to stretch his arms.
His bottom drawers are filled with baby wipes, scar cream, and ice packs. He also bought big comfy sweaters and ice cream to keep himself comfy.
Roman couldn’t sleep the day before the surgery. He felt every emotion attacking him at once. This was going to be one of the most important days of his life.
The surgery itself wasn’t as bad as he expected, though the anesthesia probably had something to do with it. He found out later he sang a love song to “a very lucky young man” through the 2 hours and 30 minutes. He was embarrassed, to say the least.
Finally came time to see the scars. He froze when the doctor told him. He was lucky to be facing away to the doctor. Could he do this? Would the scars look bad? Would this actually make him as happy as he hoping?
He let out a watery chuckle, he sounded like his boyfriend--his ex-boyfriend. Thinking of Virgil reminded him of all the breathing exercises he learned from Virgil.
He takes a deep breath for four seconds, holds it for seven seconds, and lets it out for eight seconds.
After doing it a few more times, he turns to the mirror. The tears are almost immediate. The scars were bright red but they were thin, as thin as his pointer finger. His chest was as flat as he hoped it would be. This is the happiest he has ever been.
He shakes Dr. Travis’s hand since he is unable to say words. Dr. Travis simply smiles at him and pats his back.
“Now sit down, I have to put the bandages on. Now, make sure to change them every day.” Dr. Travis says.
”Got it, thank you, doctor.” Roman says, managing to get his voice back.
”You’re welcome.” Dr. Travis replies as she gently wraps the bandages around his chest, ”Now, do you have someone coming to pick you up?”
”Yes, of course, as you told me to,” He wasn’t exactly lying, he was planning to call an Uber.
”Good, because all you have to worry about is recovering, okay?” she says with a smile.
Roman nods and soon after, Dr. Travis finishes putting on the bandages. He has to stay in the hospital for another hour to rest before he is properly discharged. He spends most of the hour taking a nap and only 15 minutes on the phone with Patton, which seems strange to him. Roman, once he is allowed to leave, puts on his red zip-up hoodie, ignoring the feeling of his heart pulling because he remembers Virgil buying it for him and heads out of the hospital. Dr. Travis gives him a treatment plan on the way out and Roman puts it into his pocket.
The Uber ride is pleasant enough, the driver lets him drift off in the backseat. He is woken up by the car jerking to a stop in front of his apartment building. He scrambles out of the car while apologizing to the driver.
He runs up the stairs to his apartment, each step making him more tired and as each second passes, the painkiller wears off more and more.
He weakly smiles as his door, knowing that a few behind it is his bed that he can pass out in.
He opens the door and is so shocked to see Virgil behind it that he can’t bring himself to move. Virgil says nothing as he walks over to him. Virgil wraps his arms around Roman’s waist and moves him into the apartment.
Roman yelps and finds his legs walking up to move with Virgil, ”W-W-What are you doing here?”
Virgil whispers, ”We’ll talk later, you need to get to bed.”
Roman doesn’t argue as Virgil half drags him into his bedroom. Roman lays down and Virgil reaches for his hoodie zipper. Roman tries to push his hand away but Virgil is much faster than him. Roman let's out a small whine as Virgil unzips the hoodie. Virgil shushes him and gives him a painkiller and some water. Roman happily drinks it.
As he is falling asleep, Roman says, ”I love you V…”
”I know, I love you too Ro.” is the last thing Roman hears before passing out.
~
Roman wakes up two hours later so feeling something cold touch his chest. He slowly opens his eyes to see Virgil putting an ice pack wrapped in a paper towel on his chest.
Virgil softly smiles at him, “Hey Sleeping Beauty, welcome back to the land of the living.” Virgil gently cups his face. “Stay still so that the ice can do its job. I’ll order food in a bit and put on a movie. What would you like to watch?”
Roman stares at him dumbfounded, but Virgil was not fazed. He fluffs Roman’s pillow without uttering a word. He then rubs Roman’s cheek and Roman shutters at the soft and intimate touch.
“What? How? Why…?” Roman had so many questions he wants to ask.
“When you weren’t answering your phone, I went to your job and I saw you working. That relaxed me enough to let you have some space. I still would walk by every day, hoping you’d see me, and maybe you would come. When I came by earlier today, your coworker came out and invited me in.”
“Patton?”
“Patton. He said he noticed me walking by and I told him about you. He spent his break talking to me about you. You have a good friend.” Virgil says with a smile.
“I know, Pat’s great.” Roman can’t help but smile back. “I’m guessing he told you about the surgery?”
“Yup so I came here. Knowing you, you wouldn’t ask for help and try to take care of yourself.” Roman looks away and pouts, and Virgil kisses the pout away. The kiss makes Roman stare at him confused, but Virgil just continues, “So I asked your building’s maintenance guy to let me in to surprise you. I did not think that work, you should have seen me, I was so nervous, but he said he’s seen you let me in enough times and he said this was one time only so now I am here.”
Roman blinks at Virgil for a few seconds, trying to figure out what he says. Virgil sits there, so patient and understanding that it only manages to confuse “But why?”
“Why what?”
Roman began to cry, but he is too tired to care. “Why would you want to take care of me? I’ve been keeping a huge secret from you for over a year, I’ve been lying to you over a year. I haven’t been as intimate as I deserve to be and you probably desire to because I can’t be. I will never be a true man physically, no matter what I do. And the way you found out, not from me telling you. You should hate me, be mad, anything. I wouldn't hold it against you.”
Virgil sits on the bed and puts his arm around Roman, “Roman, I don’t know who told you otherwise, but when I tell someone I love them, I love all of them. Especially you, you are my boyfriend. You are everything I want and more. I love your body, I’ve loved it since we met. I wouldn’t care if we never had sex, if it met I could be with you. And don’t call yourself anything but a man, because I will fight you about it and have Patton help me.”
Roman laughs but stops, his insecurities taking over once more, “But the way you were looking at me that day…you looked so disgusted”
“I wasn’t, I will never disgusted with you. I was scared. I saw the binder and how red your chest was. I was scared that you were hurting yourself for me.”
“Oh...I’m sorry.” Roam replies while lower his head.
Virgil tilts it up, “Don’t apologize to me, you owe an apology to your body. I’ll make you do it too.”
Roman pulls Virgil into a kiss and Virgil happily kisses back. They will be okay, actually better than okay. Virgil will take of Roman his whole recovery, taking his vacation time to do so. They would spend the time talking, finally no secrets between them. Virgil will ask him to move in as he drives him home from his checkup with Dr. Travis and Roman will happily say yes. Roman will finally let Virgil help me and Roman saves up the money for his bottom surgery and gets a better job with Virgil’s recommendation. Though he will miss working with Patton, they will hang out every weekend to make up for it. It will be a wonderful future.
But right now, they both just need to kiss and breathe because they are happy and together.
~
Taglist
I do not have a general Sanders Sides but if you would like to be tagged in all things Sanders Sides I post, let me know.
#thomas sanders#sanders sides#prinxiety#roman x virgil#roman angst#roman sanders#patton sanders#Janus Sanders#trans!roman#sanders sides oneshot#tw transphobia#hurt/comfort
113 notes
·
View notes
Text
This week I answered the phone and talked to two library patrons who I will be thinking about for a long time.
The first was a mother of nine who has been homeschooling her children according to her religious beliefs for twenty years, and this year her husband is no longer in the picture, so the legal paperwork has fallen to her for the first time. She is a brilliant farmer and parent, she trained her oldest daughter who is now the best midwife in the county, and she is both dyslexic and religiously opposed to a lot of technology. She was in way over her head, and as of 72 hours ago I knew nothing about this part of homeschooling, but she reached out to us for help, and I have my job because I’m good at research
So my boss OKed me setting aside a morning for her, and I found the necessary templates and info on the internet, she supplied the specific information, and after less than an hour of (distanced) conversation while I typed as fast as I could, she went home with all forms complete, extra blank ones to copy later, and all the phone numbers I could google up for single parent, home school, food, and legal support in our area. Tbh, this was way outside my usual responsibilities, and when she called, we were both overwhelmed by the task ahead of her, but with time and focus, we were able to not only solve the immediate problem but prepare for the future-- her for the next time she submits these forms, and me for the next time someone asks for help. Did she clearly have to take a moment to take in my partially buzzed haircut, my favorite blazer/buttonup combo and blue eyeliner? Did I have to keep my eyes firmly on my laptop screen when she took a moment to pray and have to ask her more than once to clarify some of her handwritten notes? Yes and yes. We also made it through with mutual respect and appreciation for each others’ roles in our community.
The other was an older lady who I think moved up to our small town from NYC, maybe for the pandemic, maybe for her retirement. She sounded well-educated and knew exactly which book she wanted to borrow. I told her I could order the print version from one of our neighbor libraries since our copy was checked out, or I could have the book on CD version ready for a contactless pickup in five minutes. “Oh,” she scoffed. “I’ve always thought audio books are for people who never learned to read.” I responded with some sort of platitude about wanting people to engage with stories and learn new information no matter what form it takes, but I was livid.
This woman lives so within her own bubble that she throws out comments like that to a(n almost fully accredited) public librarian in a rural town. Our budget of time and money goes to maintaining our book collection, sure, but most of it is towards kids story time and tech literacy and English classes and job search help. We reopened after our April 2020 shutdown as fast as possible not because we need to make money or even lend out our copies of Infinite Jest. We needed to be a food distribution hub, get people tax forms and filing for unemployment on our public computers, get books-- any books-- moving to families struggling more than ever with education. Frankly, of all the facets of our community, snobs like this lady are a group I’m least interested in catering to. I’d replace every print book on our shelves with audio books in a heartbeat if it meant reaching the people who need our services most. We are lucky to live in an are with a high literacy rate but that’s not achieved by shaming anyone! And audio books are a huge accessibility tool for dozens of groups. There’s a billion reasons, including plain old preference, why audio books are necessary and should be far more common that they are!
These two women are linked in my mind not just because I talked to one on Wednesday and one on Thursday, but because of how much I would rather deal with twenty emergencies like the homeschool mom’s than one snob like the no-audio book lady. One of these women understands what the library is really for. One of them respects what I do, and the people I do it for.
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
sins of my youth. 013
Billy Hargrove x OC! Evie Fenny~ Also posted to my AO3
Summary: It was common knowledge that Billy Hargrove hated Hawkins. Hated Cherry Lane. Even loathed the strange girl next door. Evie Fenny wasn’t too fond of the chaotic Cali transfer either. An awful high school tradition sparks a chain of events that changes everything, ultimately bringing two frayed souls together.
Hey all!! Evie attends a party to get back into the swing of being a messy teen and the night doesn't go as expected. Billy opens up about his past in California with a story Evie finds all too familiar. TW: Slight sexual refs, teens drinking/smoking, talk of past s*icide/death, and addiction. TAG LIST OPEN. Always open to chatting about the fic, thanks!!
Chapter 13: Almost Paradise
“Are you sure about this?” Heather spoke over Evie’s shoulder.
“We always hit the mid-winter break parties. Why wouldn’t we, Heath?” Evie applied her favorite shade of cherry in the mirror. Makeup still only covered so much that next night. But, with the swelling down, she hoped it wasn't that bad.
“Figured you’d be hanging with Billy.”
“We haven’t done anything...much. His dad is grinding him to stay in. He'll...also be at the party I'm sure.”
"That why you put on the new bra?"
"It's not new..." Evie fixed her sleeve to hide the black strap. Blushed a whole garden of strawberries. "Like I said...haven't done anything."
“Haven’t had the chance, hm.” Heather plopped down and stole some mirror space. Relenting as she applied a lustrous pink shade to her lips that matched the scrunchie holding her curls high. “I know you’re hopelessly into him. All the eye fucking over the movie last night. If you hadn’t have passed out on the couch-”
“Would...you be mad?” Evie looked up.
“I’m just coming around to him again. If you trust him, I will.” Heather smiled. “I just have to be the bitchy best friend. Make him sweat it out for my own enjoyment. Cute how he tucked you in last night through, looked like he might not leave you.”
Evie lowered a brush doused in gold glitter from her eye.
“I am sorry...about the whole-”
“You don’t have to be sorry about him, Bowers is the one that should be sorry.” Heather frowned. “I’m not mad you didn’t tell me. Honest. I get it. I can’t imagine what I would have done.”
“You wouldn’t be in that situation because you’re smarter than me.”
“No, I’ve made poor boy choices too. We both know that.” Heather beamed. “Can I borrow your earrings? The little cherries you made.”
“Sure, keep them. You get more mileage out of them than I do. I can make more.”
Heather squealed and went to steal them. Evie thought it funny, her friend would rather wear her craft projects than the baby diamonds in silver and gold her parents were always buying.
“Hey, I… My mom’s been lying to me. About my dad.” Evie admitted. “He’s trying to call and give her money, I think. I don’t know if he asks about me. Where he is. I’m just… I don’t know what to do with it all, Heath.” Her voice broke and leveled out. Slowly the brush came up again. “You ever feel like you remember things differently? Like maybe we never see things as they are, we just see things as we are?”
Heather turned to see, still putting the earrings in.
“I’m sure Mona’s trying to protect you. She’s always been so much.” She pressed her lips and tilted Evie’s face to check her work as she always did. “Covered it nicely. How’s your head?”
“No pounding anymore. Not getting dizzy, I think I barely avoided a concussion.” A beat. “I just wonder what exactly she’s protecting me from. It’s eating me.”
Felt like too appropriate an expression.
“We’ll figure it out, but you put way too much pressure on yourself like you’re alone, Eves, and you’re not.” Heather pulled Evie in to hug her. “You have me and Steve. Friends at school.”
Blue hopped up on the desk to meow loudly, both girls broke to giggle.
“Yes, you too, cutie.” Heather scratched the kitten’s chin. “And Billy, I guess. Whatever.”
“Yeah, I don’t know what we’re doing. But, I don’t mind it so I guess I’ll chase that.” Evie thumbed Heather’s lipstick at the corner. “You’re set.”
“You, too. Let’s head out.” Heather winked and stood up.
Blue trailed after them so Evie filled her dish. Grabbed a prized jacket she used to be too afraid to wear for how loud it was. Red leather and fringe. Bitchin'. A signature piece of clothing. Undoubtedly Evangeline. Fredrick didn't like it so it was packed away with all her sharp edges.
Heather beamed as her friend donned it. Completed Evie's look with a black skirt and graphic shirt tucked in. Vaguely mesh pattern tights and her warm boots. Gold hoops gleaming and her little music note necklace. Plucked piece of juicy fruit and a hard pit for good measure. Curls bounced, almost obscene.
“Think Brock and his shitheads will crash?” Heather waited for the door to be locked before they got into her car.
“I’m not worried about Brock after what happened with Fredrick.” Evie stared at the empty place in the Hargrove driveway where Billy’s Camaro usually sat. No doubt he was already there raging. Evie got annoyed with the flame in her stomach that flickered at the thought of running into him there with all the dancing they’d been doing. Every little maybe and almost. Syllables rolling off tongues to tangle.
Loch Nora rangers were undoubtedly the best.
Evie still liked parties. Liked the stimulation. The noise. That beautiful overlapping noise to wash her world out. The drunk idiot teens wandering to dance or do dumb shit. All technicolor. Even liked them better than what Fredrick would take her too. Annoying how Fredrick had become this constant life point of comparison. Physically out and still here to set the scales.
Time for some liquor.
She peered around and realized Steve never came to them anymore. Heather even asked him and he just declines too politely. Three drinks sank into her stomach so Evie went out back to where some meathead with no shirt was pouring. Moved through sprightly bodies to get another cup. Smoke and sweat in the cool night air.
“Fenny, you hear Tannen got a DUI?” Nameless meathead poured.
“No, shit?” She took her plastic cup back. Black and gold glitter nails clicking the artificial red.
“Swear to god! His dad’s basically paying everyone to make it disappear.” The guy chuckled. “Lucky, the idiot didn’t crash into anyone.”
“Yeah, he’s a mess.” Evie tipped her cup in thanks and watched teens bop around the covered pool to booming music. Rich house on a hill, no one was calling the cops. Cold and slush weren't stopping the festivities, it only made them turn up the noise and heat. Her outfit combated the lingering winter well enough. Perks of being a bigger gal. Thick skin to combat the weather and assholes. “Thanks.”
“Plenty more to go around.”
Evie caught a bunch of metalheads thrashing around a huge trampoline. Jumping from the lowest part of the roof to it and climbing all over. Billy among them spitting beer and cackling. A hungry wolf against the bright moon. Readied to toss his head back and-
“Evangeline!” He howled and she rolled her eyes below, drinking. Cup lifted to acknowledge them. Billy flashed his teeth, glowed there at her. Still among his following.
"You clean up well, Fenny!" One boy cooed so Billy shoved him into one of the many seat cushions that had been stolen to line the perch.
"Why not join us? Stay awhile." Billy crouched at the edge. Admired Evie glittering and that outfit. Tassels constantly in motion, she looked like a song leaping off unworthy pages. They echoed the calls and she laughed outright, went back inside to a chorus of whines wanting her to stay and indulge them in their debauchery.
“They out of the hard stuff already?” Heather approached and offered a tiny joint to Evie that she caved and puffed. “Tammy’s asking. I’m switching to water.”
“Beer only it looks like. It’s raining boys out there though.”
“Oh, maybe I’ll catch myself one.” Heather winked and wandered outside with the smoke.
Evie got squished in between her and Tammy moments later. Talking school and beauty and graduation getting closer. Across the way, Billy had a whole room entertained with his California stories. Evie lingered to see his eyes flicker over to her.
The strange radar he had when she was around. Always on high. He smiled bright and animated his tale, kept them all hooked and laughing because he was just too badass. Too good. A firework in this boring town. Perched on the table with a smoke in hand.
Spinning tales around the way he spun her under confetti.
And they kept peering at each other. Billy got more persistent as Evie made it a point not to look. To stay reeled into Tammy gushing about the car she was almost saved up for. This baby pink bug she dreamed about. Robin joined them and Tammy blushed as they shared a freshly rolled joint. Heather and Evie shared knowing looks.
Billy decided he wanted attention from Evangeline and left the stories behind to cross toward her. Evie felt sparks when he plucked up her hand, nodding aside. One tug and smoldering eyes. She didn't move and played a pout.
“I’m having an important discussion with the girls about the principal's clearly fake mustache, Hargrove.” She lifted her eyes, biting her lip as if that might curve her intoxication. Curled a smirk he matched.
"Thrilling. Something tells me it ain't getting mileage." Billy didn’t take his eyes from Evie. “Ladies?”
“We just finished actually, Evie was about to get herself another drink. You look like just the soul brave enough to help with that.” Tammy, oblivious but a wingman to the end, cut in so Billy pulled Evie up.
Heather flashed a guilty smile as they went off because Evie was aimlessly bickering. They didn’t go out back for a drink. Billy climbed the steps with her hand. Slowly Evie adjusted to lace their fingers. They moved over bodies and went down the hallways into a vacant TV room with beaten couches and thick screens.
“What are you doing?” Evie dropped her arms as Billy bit his tongue with intent eyes and crossed into her space for a kiss. Tasting of some green apple schnapps the boys outside had downed with all the hard stuff.
“Just something I thought about for a while.” He cupped her face for another and Evie felt dizzy for the first time after her drinks. Billy and his lips. Tasting her. Pulling her back into a couch with him.
“You mean like a day?” Evie had giggled. Breaking the kiss to see his pupils spread.
“Hey, it was a long, long day.” Came a shrug, eyes on her pretty tights that were sending him. “I can only say so much over the phone.” Hands worked under the skirt. Melted Evie down while she came in for more of him.
Straddling Billy’s hard thigh, she combed his hair back and ravished him in turn. What could she say? She liked to kiss him. Liked his mouth and his palms and his heat against her. Scorching. Billy adjusted, taking her hips to press his leg up into her.
Evie rocked unconsciously. Gave him a little moan. Let him untuck her shirt. She came out and felt his hand on her bra. Fingers sunk under the fabric while they locked eyes. Rolled her nipple until another moan lulled. Evie still pulling at his hair, lips opening.
“No bad kisses yet, hm?” The hum hitched as Evie pressed into him. Kissed him deeper. Not worried she might squish him with the shameless, signature way he touched her.
“Let’s try a few more.” Evie about whimpered into his tongue. Brow furrowing. Breath quicker. Something ready to churn in her belly.
Billy gripped her hips to encourage her on. Shifted down the line of her jaw. Silken mouth trailing to release warm sighs. Evie had her hands pressed against his grey tee. Skimming under the leather jacket to feel the hard lines. Miles of him to trace and explore. Shifting, one hand came to his left shoulder. Finger pressed and Billy gave a jerk, breath catching as he pulled back to hiss.
Evie narrowed and yanked away the moment he looked in pain. Avoiding her eyes as if he wasn’t just trying to turn them over and finish this.
“Are you okay?”
“Fine.” Billy leaned back in for a kiss she barely responded to. Thoughts racing. “It’s nothing.” He cupped the back of her head. Lips all over Evie’s neck. Fingers slipped to push his jacket aside and Billy grasped her wrist. “Evie, it’s nothing.”
“You’re hurt.” She frowned. Billy gripped her arm still, searching. He opened his mouth to speak and the door burst open, giggles sounding at the same time Evie threw herself out of Billy’s lap. Practically to the other side of the couch. Shamefully tucking her shirt back in.
“Oooh, this one’s taken,” Tommy backed up and processed who was in there again with Carol under his arm, “Billy and Fenny? No fucking way, you two. Ha!” He cackled and Billy gave an agitated breath.
“We’re busy, shut the door, man.”
“No shit, you’re busy. I’m shocked. I thought Fen wasn’t speaking to you ever again after-”
“Hagen, we’re talking.” Evie slid her eyes to Carol who’d gotten dead silent. Eyes bright and full of hate. Piles and piles. A tremendous build of fire and loathing directed at Evie for existing in the same space.
“Talk away. Have fun, kids!” Tommy only found it funny. Jeering in his annoying way before Carol shoved off him and stomped out. “Hey Carol, what’s your problem?” He smacked the door shut following his upset girlfriend down the hall.
“Shit, asshole.” Billy rubbed his shoulder. “Where were we?” The purr made Evie turn her head, thoughts elsewhere. Billy crawled to kiss her again and Evie stood. “Hey, where’re you going?”
“I just, I feel weird now.” Evie stumbled around the coffee table. Cheeks bright and rosy. Not sparing him a glance because Carol’s eyes gnawed her. Created an incessant buzzing around her brain. Billy jolted to follow but she was out the door. Looking around for Carol and Tommy’s loudmouth. Boots hurried down the steps after Tommy, still trying to coax his girl back to the festivities.
“Carol, hey,” Evie pushed beyond Tommy once Carol was out a sliding door, “Hey, can we just talk?”
“You are such a fucking loser, you know that?” Carol spun on her heel to direct some teenage rage in Evie’s direction. A few outside by the kegs noticed the tiff, pausing to see.
A crack.
“Why do you hate me so much?” Evie dropped her shoulders. Billy slipped out and stepped up behind Tommy, pausing at the standoff. Carol staggered. Clearly intoxicated. Cracking a huge, watery smile. Reckless. She stepped toward Evie so a burst came. “Why! I'm not mean to you! I've never been mean to you! I only talk back and I still feel guilty, but you're so... Why?”
"You're nice to me?" She made it sound unreal and laughable.
"Yeah, actually! I don't understand it, I've tried to be kind to you." Evie felt a tear slip down and stayed level. "No one deserves to be treated the way I see you treat others. So, why?"
“Because!” Carol shot back, welling too. “You’re so fucking kind and...playing innocent...and you're good! And I..." She stopped with another deafening crack. So loud, it rang. Carol really stopped to reflect and hated what she saw looking back at her. But, Evie was here looking too so the hate rerouted.
"Good?" Evie breathed and so much ugly spread in her veins like a disease.
"And...And you get all this attention! Acting like you don’t know! And just look at you! Do you really think you’d get that attention if these boys didn’t feel sorry for you?” Carol stumbled and pointed a finger in Evie’s face, furious and shaking. Too close.
Evie got silent. Dropped everything she felt.
“You’re the one I feel sorry for.”
Carol buzzed with rage and reeled back to slap her so hard, the force sent her into Tommy.
"Girl fight!" Came some yelps.
“What the hell, Carol?” He caught Evie on pure instinct, not understanding either. Billy charged forward and Carol kept pushing as Evie found her footing.
A chorus of shocked gasps and awe came from the drunk teens near the pool. The music blared.
“Hit me back, you bitch! Yeah? Do it like you did to Tannen. Think you’re any better than me!” Carol was near sobbing. Eyes crinkling with tears as she shoved before Tommy got in front of her. Looped an arm around her waist.
“That’s enough, Care, c’mon.” He and Billy separated the girls, but Evie wasn’t trying to hit back. Just stared with huge eyes and a palm against her hot cheek.
"Hey. Hey, you okay?" Billy stood in front of her now, tugging. Evie wasn't budging. Enthralled. Stuck. Sinking. Not good. "Let's go. She's wasted."
“Evie!” Heather was racing across the grass to help. “Carol, back off her.” She planted her feet between them and Carol sneered, struggling against her boyfriend.
“Ooh, Princess Heather to the rescue. Admit it, you just like being the pretty friend.” More hissing channeled out.
“Just, shut up!”
“How about you tell Fenny why Tannen even tried to chase her skirts that night? Yeah?” Carol broke free and tackled Heather into the grass. "Tell her what a shit friend you are, baby!"
“Another girl fight!” Teens howled across the way. Billy and Tommy shoved in to pull the clawing women apart as they rolled around and pulled at hair.
Evie heard herself shouting to stop, barely audible over the crowds that closed in on them to cheer and chant.
“Tell her, sweet pea? Tell her that her dear B-F-F set her up with some animal. I was at that party, I heard you, bitch!” Carol skidded as Tommy pulled her off. Billy had Heather by the arm, trying to yank her up from the grass. She began to sniffle. “Perfect Heather. Little priss who can do no wrong. Perfect body. Perfect life. The teen dream. Tossing bones to us lowly folk when you're done.”
Carol laughed and cried all at once. Even the crowd slowed to watch her. Evie felt a coldness spread at the display.
“Oh yeah, Heather, you’re a real carpenter’s dream!” Carol mocked relentlessly. “Flat as a board and needs a screw! Go on and tell Fenny what a great friend you are. You brushed Tannen aside and pawned that puppy off on someone easier.”
“I didn’t know he was like that yet, okay! It was stupid.” Heather admitted, tears falling. Evie froze at that, didn’t move toward her.
“Heath, what’s she talking about?” Evie hated how wounded she sounded.
“I just thought maybe he’d cheer you up, we all were drinking and, Tannen, he...he was nice at the time. So I thought. I just...you know-”
“Just, what?” Evie leveled out. Billy let Heather go once he brought her up from the grass so she came to Evie. Crowds all but hushed.
“Can...Can we not talk about it here?” Heather tucked her hair aside, sounding too small.
“No, I love an audience! Talk.” Evie’s spine went rigid.
“I just...nudged Tannen your way. You just broke up with that guy over the summer and your dad left. Tannen was, I don’t know, it was stupid. He was nice and...and good looking. I thought he’d make you feel better. I didn’t know he was like that yet. I just was trying to hook my friend up.”
"Please, you alluded to owing him a favor after. He ate that up. You talked up a desperate animal in need of a hot beef injection. You said Fenny could barely thread a needle these days." Carol bellowed. More shock. More awe.
"I was super drunk!" Heather covered her eyes to rub them
“So, you told him to try fucking me! Told him I was desperate for it!” Evie’s voice rose and Heather quelled with shame.
“You were so sad...I thought he’d give you a good night.” The tone trailed off.
“I’m fat, but I can get laid on my own, thanks. I don’t need your fucking help, how little do you think of me?” Evie’s curls shook around with the same fervor. Heather just held herself and stared at the grass. “Do I really seem that pathetic to you?”
“No, it’s not that at all-”
“It feels like that,” Evie stepped back, “keep me around because I make you look like the Queen Bee and toss some asshole with a reputation my way out of pity if I cease to function.”
“Evie, it’s not like that!” Heather wept and got her hand shoved off when she tried to touch her friend. Evie wiggled through the crowd because it split for her fury.
“Get off me,” she went around the house, “get away from me, Heather! I don't need you!"
Heather stopped on the lawn and just stood there to see Evie follow the street lamps off.
Carol watched them go, sagging into Tommy who was definitely too drunk for this.
“Jesus, what’d you do?” He pulled her in another direction. Back to the house. Away from the excitement resuming. “Shouldn’t start that shit.” They got back inside so he led his girlfriend into an empty bathroom. “You okay?”
“I am now. Bitches. I just...I can’t fucking…” Carol sniffled and cleared her throat. "I don't know why I hate her, okay, I just do! She just gets...everything."
“This is about your mom getting back with that asshole.”
“It’s not about that!” Her defense went up. “I’m just tired of Fenny acting like she can get everything she wants. Throwing herself at Billy, fuck. Wondered why he all but dropped everyone else. I thought he and Vicki had something. Gotta be kidding me.” Carol crossed her arms to lean back into the counter as Tommy washed his face with cold water, nauseous.
“I don’t even think Fenny’s gonna go for him when she’s already got a thing with…” He perked. Lips sealing. Carol noticed.
“Thing with who?”
“Nothing, I just...I saw something...and I’m drunk. I’m fucking drunk, Care.” He got his shirt tugged.
“Tommy.” She sucked her cheeks in and he knew he’d be caving. “What did you see?”
“Evie’s been seeing Bowers, I saw her leaving his place all roughed up. Not the first time, I live a street away. Saw them in his driveway shouting at each other once. It was so dark. They kissed and she...well, her head dropped down for a bit. Thought I was having a nightmare there. I tried to forget it and just act like... I didn't believe it was her until I saw her on that bus. I'm drunk, fuck...” Tommy blurted in one breath. Carol’s lips opened.
“No fucking way.”
“Listen, I could be wrong-”
“We can’t let them get away with that. I mean, he’s a teacher. What if he really hurt-”
“You’re not doing it to save, Fenny, you’re doing it to make her life worse. Just...forget I said anything. I’m fucked up. Shit. I fucked up. I fucked up so bad.” Tommy rubbed his eyes. Let them dart. Carol slid her gaze away and crossed her fingers behind her back.
“Fine. Whatever you say, T. We'll forget it.” Another pull brought him in for a kiss. Tommy caressed her arms and felt Carol trying to make herself small. “Can I stay at your place tonight? I can’t go home to Jason on our couch again. I just...I can’t. I can't do it, Tommy.”
She trembled so he tucked her under his chin.
“You know you don’t have to ask, babe.”
*** ** **
Evie was down the hill still stomping under barely lit streets. Teens ranging to music still in the distance. Forgetting her. Intent, she marched over frozen sidewalks covered in slush. The tip of her nose and ears grew chilled pink. Heather had shouted after but stopped the pursuit at the end of the lawn. Ruefully, Evie wouldn’t weep, she already cried enough this damn week.
She just wanted to be better. Higher. Then all of it.
The unmistakable rev of Billy’s Camaro rolled up behind her.
“Evie, don’t make me come out to steal you. Just get in.” The window came down. “You can’t walk home in that skirt with the snow. We don’t have to talk about it.”
She paused to hear him. Eyes on the wind sweeping frosted shrubbery about across the perfectly trimmed lawns. Rich people. Cozy in their homes burning bags of money on nights like this.
“Are you going to be all the same to me, Billy? Tell me right now, I swear to god. Pretty face trying to get its way with words that are just...empty. You gonna get mad if I don’t put out and try to grab at me like Tannen? Why are you bothering with me?” Evie sniffled, hands out and dropping as he watched her. Brow furrowed. “You saw them looking at us funny.”
“Evie.” He reasoned. “Where am I right now? Am I back there shotgunning free liquor or am I freezing my balls off coming after you? Again.”
“You’re here with me. But, how do I know this isn’t some weird game for you with a prize at the end. Kids like us, we don’t go together. Are you trying to win a prize so you can move to the next? Can’t blame me for thinking it.” She approached the car. Still guarding herself. “I can’t let that go.”
“I like you, Evie, and I can tell you that a hundred times. But, it means nothing if you won’t let me.” Billy leaned over to click the door open. “You don’t let anyone like you.” He waited as she didn’t move, hands gripping the wheel before he sighed. “Didn’t notice the other kids, if you really care. I’m the Keg King.”
A cold breath puffed out her nose, almost amused.
“I was enjoying the view.” Billy drew those glittery blues to her expression.
“What makes this a view?”
“You.” A shrug pulled along with her heartstrings. “Get in, let’s go somewhere.”
“Where?”
“Anywhere you like. Just as we planned, remember?” Billy winked at her and Evie’s walls lowered. She looked back at the house party echoing and got in to buckle herself.
“How much have you had to drink?”
“Relax.” He sped off. “Barely anything and I even drank water. You proud?” He fiddled with the radio. “Wasn’t feeling it tonight.”
“Looked like a party on the roof.”
“Well, I still gotta impress the following.” Billy gestured to the glovebox. “Put a tape in, will you?”
“You and your hair metal...and...oh?” Evie skimmed the selection while they whirled away from Loch Nora. “What is this? Fleetwood Mac. I’m so impressed.”
“Ugh, that must be Max’s, she keeps leaving her tapes in my car. Throw it out.”
“Wow. Apologize to Stevie.” Evie gasped and mocked. Cupped her hands over the sacred tape. “He didn’t mean that.” Billy peered over to crack a laugh at her jabbing. “Alright, alright. Can’t go wrong with a little Queen.”
“Fair enough.” Billy let her slip the tape in and mess with the volume so they could still hear each other. “You really mad at Heather?”
Evie went flat.
“Yes and I’ll stay mad at least until school starts back up.” She crossed her arms, relaxing as the heat picked up. Too good just as Carol said.
“Where am I taking you?” Billy turned down another road, flying beyond the trees and Evie stared at his profile. Intent on the road for once.
“You opposed to a little more cold?”
“I have blankets in back. Might have to get cozy.” He slid those eyes over and Evie sucked her cheeks in.
“Take a left up here. I know a secret spot.”
** ** **
“You didn’t say anything about hiking through a dark forest,” Billy whined with his arms full of blankets. "If Michael Myers reams my ass-"
"Maybe I'm a Thing like the movie and I'm taking you somewhere to assimilate." Evie teased ahead of him.
"I actually like the sound of that, Angel. Proceed. Assimilate with me all night long." Suggestive.
She just laughed, loathing him.
“It’s not far. I'll protect you, Billy. You hear the water and ice cracking? Chicken.” Evie flicked a flashlight they snagged from his car after parking in the thrush. “Just up there. C’mon. I promise it’s worth it.” She hurried up, leaving him behind to watch her silhouette in starlight
“Someday, I’m gonna stop chasing this girl,” Billy uttered under his breath, hurrying to follow because that was the biggest lie he'd ever told himself. “The whole ‘no murder’ deal stands.”
“Naturally.” Evie giggled and stepped over a log. “Here.”
They walked along the train tracks going both directions. Came upon the cliffs where the bridge was laid out. Billy looked out at the frozen water yards below. At the moon and stars bathing the space in an ethereal glow. Frozen water framing the rocks. Looked like a castle full of magic.
“Down here.” She went to the edge and climbed down under the steel and wood tracks. Into the space that was suspended over the great fall.
“This is your spot?”
“You'll see why.” Evie reached for his wrist so he didn’t trip. Snagged the blankets from him. “Prettier with all the icicles. Look.” Billy did. Admired the iridescent, dewy glimmer. “And now we wait.”
“Wait?” He came to Evie, lighting a cigarette. “For what?”
“You’ll see, I said.” She settled a blanket around her shoulders and gave him one. Playfully covering his shoulders.
“Wait to freeze to death.” Billy had grumbled as Evie paced farther, stepping over boards and balancing on steel beams.
He saw the moonlight stream through the tracks into her curls. Admired her when she peered back to press a genuine smile. His cigarette dropped. Cherry glowing all the way down. Air whistled.
"Tell me more about yourself, Billy Hargrove." Evie cocked her head at a dewy spiderweb. "Favorite fruit? Favorite insect? Are you fonder of chocolates or-?"
"You think I'm interesting." He decided.
"I think you're here with me." Evie curled around a steel post to see him.
"Tangerines," Billy replied after a beat, "and favorite bug? Do scarab beetles count? Just think they look cool as shit."
"Naturally. Good choice, I suppose." She sized him up and tapped her chin when Billy gestured across the way. Neither moving. "Pineapple and luna moths."
"Luna moths?"
"Yeah," Evie hummed to herself and hid away behind the beam, "I always thought they looked like they were fluttering straight out of our dreams. Don't you?"
Billy took one step. Really watched her shift in ethereal lights. Luminous and bathed utterly.
"Evangeline." He mused as she teetered across a board and came to the edge. Eyes on the water far below. "Why a singer?"
"Hm?" She faced away from him. Seemingly in a dream herself. Billy imagined moths glowing around her pretty hair. Fluttering to follow her into the dark. He wished she'd extend a hand to him so he could join. Follow her right into it.
"Why do you want to be a singer?"
"Always liked it. Growing up, I just felt right, I guess. The most like me. This girl I wanted to be and she's on a stage under too many lights. Singing her heart out to miles of crowds. Touching them all in a way. Connecting." Evie trailed her fingers over chains that hung down, clicked them together like wind chimes. Billy edged up after her. Not getting too close. Wondered about what was ticking in Evie's soul.
"Nice to be heard when you put music out into the world," Billy observed and she seemed to like that. Curls bouncing softer with her voice. Evie unfurled for him there and she was breathtaking.
“I wanna write music that lifts people so high, they’ll have to look down to see heaven." Evie gasped gently, heart-soaring while she came to the other edge on the opposite side. Almost leaning too far.
"Yeah?" He felt her tug tender cords in his soul. Didn't take his eyes away.
"I want to write something that makes others understand they’re not alone. Not small. You know? One great song before I...” Evie trailed off with a sober sort of melodic call beckoning and looked far below to the great fall that was one stumble away. One step. Fingers opened. Her arms lifted enough to drop the blanket behind her and feel the wind. “You think I can write a song powerful enough to help me fly over this bridge, Billy?”
One hand lifted higher, lips open and unable to stop. Unable to look away from the edge. Steady as can be, Billy slid his palm against her. Skin awakening. Reminded her that she was here. That he was with her. That they weren't alone and the song was alive. Fingers laced and Evie seemed to reel back to him, brown eyes glinting to see his face there. Freckles all glowy. Curls spun of gold shifting just right.
"You're beautiful." She observed there.
Billy surely would have followed her to the edge, but he didn't want her to go. Stay.
"You're strange." He'd found this sentiment before and it sounded all the more lovely tonight. Billy gently pulled her from the edge. “Come here, Angel, warm me up.”
Billy draped himself in the other blanket again. Shifted her under it as if it were a cape. A shroud that would keep them both from harm's way. From the edge.
“Okay, Dracula, easy.” She stumbled into him. The diamond lines of Billy’s chest cut into her. “Wait, you feel that?” She watched his earring shift while he looked around. “The vibration.”
“Yeah, I do.” He muttered suggestively.
“Not that kind. Just listen. Feel it.” Evie stepped out, almost giddy as she plucked her blanket up and felt around. Billy welcomed it in his chest. The smooth vibrations generating from above. “Get ready.”
“Ready?” He laughed, coming toward her again. Billy stepped into her space as Evie reached back to curl her fingers into his leather jacket. Head tilted up toward the tracks.
“Lie down with me.” She began to tug and Billy felt this drunkenness take him over at Evie and her smile brightening. They reclined together wrapped in blankets and Billy realized it as the horns called over Evie’s wild laughter.
“You’re full of surprises, Fenny.”
“It helps to scream it out, whatever you want. Just let it go with the train.” She kept snickering as the bridge really began to shake. Billy watched her face. Alight and wild. Red lips against the moonlight pooling to spill over her and illuminate the glitter in her makeup.
“You’re beautiful.” He said then. Unsure if she really heard him over the howl of the oncoming cars.
Billy laughed with her. The roar of a train began to charge above. Blaring horns and steel wheels cranking fast. Her nose crinkled as the windswept their hair. Lips opening to scream with it. Billy couldn’t help joining her. Both of them calling out against the rumbling that never seemed to end.
Icicles fell around the edges and reminded Billy of confetti. Falling so slow and sweet to decorate the space. Shattering colors. That night he first danced with her and kissed her long and hard. Spinning round and round.
Evie pulled herself up and climbed higher into the beams. Head tossed back to give a call like a siren.
“Fuck you!” She saw Billy stand and peered at him. “Keep yelling! Anything you want at anyone! Really let ‘em have it!”
“You first!”
“You left mom and me, you selfish fucking prick!” She raged up into the air for her father that wasn’t around. Hair whirling up into the gust of wind. The train took her syllables with it. Shouting back. "You can't just make people and then abandon them! They'll think they did something wrong forever!" Billy felt his chest tighten. Joined her. Heart bursting.
“Why didn’t you just let me fucking save you! Why wasn't I enough!” He didn’t yell for Neil who beat him senseless. Perched upon steel Evie saw Billy tense. Burst again. “I hate you!” He cried that. Evie's fingers pressed harder into steel. Lost in him. Billy heaved for fresher air. Having never faced it all.
The train ended as they stared at each other. Both breathing into the frozen air. Heaving to gasp.
Evie slipped down and tossed her arms around Billy’s shoulders. Kissed him back into cold steel as if she was trying to comfort him. Kiss him all better. Luna moths landing delicately on their bodies to open and close their lovely wings.
"Why'd you do that?" Billy asked of her for the first time. Evie beamed at the turn in the phrase.
"Because at that time, you weren't going to." She brought him back in. Wanting more. Cupping his face. “Feel any better?” Evie drew out, leaving him to look fluttered. Unsure, Billy swept in so he didn’t have to reply yet. Miles of kisses hot like the cherry of his smoke he let tumble below.
“Felt good.” He murmured, pulling her into him. “If anything.”
“You can’t tell anyone about this place. It’s my secret. Our secret.” She pecked his lips and Billy drew out because they both were too cold to continue. The heat in her belly wasn’t enough.
He tilted his forehead against hers, lulled forth when her weight shifted back and the loss. The loss of her ached Billy down to his marrow. This almost paradise they constructed together.
Curls fell into his face before he lifted to glimpse Evie once more. Wondered how she’d look swaying with lush moonbeams in her hair always. Pretty goddess draped in starlight. Painted in pearly shimmers.
Enough to take his breath, Billy gasped for it back and gave this distant chuckle. Nodded to promise he wouldn't tell a soul. Evie caught him wincing as her hand moved over his shoulder again so she left him completely.
“Sorry.”
“It’s nothing.” He turned to go, eyes elsewhere. Anywhere else they could dart. Not on her. “Let’s just head back.” Billy felt like he was in a dream. Spinning and dizzy all the way back to the car. He realized as the locks clicked that Evie had been speaking.
“Are you alright?” She swallowed and Billy looked at the car keys in his hand. Little scorpion keychain glinting. “Were you talking to your mom back there?”
“Yeah. I just…” Billy shook his head and turned the engine on. “I don’t know where it came from.”
“I thought it’d be Neil.”
“I guess I can’t even stomach dreaming of him.” He replied. “I know it’s not a dream if he’s there. Even if he’s getting his. You know?”
“Yeah. I, uh… Do you…?” Evie squirmed in her seat, worried he’d close up on her as he stared at the road and drove at a steady speed for once.
“Do I, what?”
“Hate her?”
“No.” He skidded at a red light, almost sounded defensive. Shoulders fell. Knuckles went white on the wheel. “Sometimes.” Evie felt her cheeks burn and tried to sound even, it still came out as an airy whisper.
“What happened to her, Billy?”
“She just died.” He sighed to calm his own tone from sounding hot. “She died when I was fourteen.” Finally, he corrected himself. “She killed herself.”
“I’m sorry.” Evie tried not to stare at him. Fear it made him uncomfortable quelled, but she couldn’t look away. Billy closed his eyes at the next red light to breathe, opened them.
“It happens.” He said. “People wake up one morning and decide they don’t want to wake up ever again...and they act on it. And they succeed.” It felt like he started to drive slower the closer they got to Cherry. “Doesn’t matter who they leave behind.”
Evie carefully extended her hand over to touch his in his lap. Because it does fucking matter and it always will. The fingers on the wheel flexed and Billy didn’t tear away.
“She had a lot of problems. Like my dad. Maybe they tried to fix each other once. I don’t know.” Billy continued. Too tender about it all. “They divorced when I was nine. All the back in forth. The visitations. Courtrooms making me choose and I just...I wanted her. I wanted it to stop too. I know she was messed up, but she tried to get better… You believe me, don’t you?”
His blue eyes glistened. Jaw tensing. Billy pulled up between their houses and neither moved as he cut the engine.
“Yes, I believe you.” Evie found the syllables around her tongue.
“You believe people can get better, Evie?”
She almost welled with him. It struck her heart with lightning.
“I really hope so.” She had to or she was lost just as well. Evie sniffled and tried to be stone again when all the emotion came into her voice to cloud it.
“She never hit me though. Dad drank and beat the shit out of her. Made her drug habits worse and worse. Liked when she was some coked-out zombie. Pills and needles, it just… Fuck, Evie, she just kept falling back. They fought for custody the whole time and I really thought she was getting better. Dad acted like a fucking hero, rescuing me from an evil druggie.”
“You’re worth getting better for.” Evie felt Billy slip from her hand so he could clear his throat and rub his eyes.
“I found her, you know?” He shuddered and stared at his open palms in his lap. Saw red on them. “It was her weekend and I took the bus home from school like I always did. We were going to go to the boardwalk.”
His head tipped back and he gave this grim smile. They never made it to that boardwalk, Evie realized.
“The smell of that house, I’ll never… Just rotten...and I couldn’t even see her face at first because of all the flies.” It was Billy who reached out aimlessly for Evie’s wrist. Something to stay rooted, she figured. “My mom was beautiful and she always smelled like oranges. Like the big orchard she worked at. But, the fucking house just smelled like shit and piss and vomit and rust when I came in. Like death. I found her in the bathtub all bloated and ugly and the water was already brown. She sat in there alone decaying and no one...”
Billy kept rubbing his eyes again until they were too swollen to cry. Evie had his hand in both of hers, clamped tight to keep him alert. Unwavering.
“I didn’t know what to do so I called for help. I couldn’t lift her out, I wasn’t strong enough and I kept screaming... Then, I tried my dad three times, and...fuck, I ended up calling Susan. They’d started dating a couple of months before and I didn’t like her. Or her kid. But, she was too nice and gave me a number to call if I needed her after they’d gotten serious. I don’t know why I kept it in my backpack. She came when they were loading my mom up. Kept trying to hold me and I wouldn’t let her until I was too weak to fight it.”
“She does care about you. She’s scared, too.”
“My dad cleans up his act well from time to time. Plays the perfect father and boyfriend, she fell for it. In too deep now with no way out. He'll bleed her dry, too. My dad, he likes it when people don’t have a way out. Mom found a way though, spite him.” Billy dropped his head back again, chest sinking before he looked at Evie. Quivered there. “I just get...so mad.”
“I know.” She sank into the seat a little to watch him.
“She left a note that said sorry. That she loved me. Left this for me, too.” Billy fingered his pendant. “Wasn’t enough. Sometimes, I walk into my own house now and that smell… I can’t escape it. I’m always in that house. In that room with the flies covering everything.”
That shook Evie. They weren’t perfect kids, but they didn’t deserve to be trapped in that house. In that room. Where trauma was fed on a loop. A haunted house where they were the ghosts doomed and trapped to wander. To relive what killed them from the first.
“I tried so fucking hard to make her better, I took care of her and I wasn’t there. I let my dad drive her to-”
“Billy, it’s not your fault.” Evie had his hand pressed against her chest at that. “It’s not.” Both painfully sober, they just looked at each other. Leveled out. “I’m sure she tried so hard for you. Some people, they just… Addiction is…”
Evie felt this ice swell up her stomach. Addiction is a harsh cycle. It never really ends, you work at it and fight it, but it’s always there in the back of your memories urging. Once you start, you’re always an addict. Recovering or not. You can’t stop.
You can’t stop.
“Getting help is so hard when you’re sick.” Was all Evie could manage. Unable to portray how profoundly she understood. “Your job was to be a kid.”
“All I wanted was to go back to California and now, I’m not sure if I ever can. Just knowing she won’t be there again. Sometimes when I’m here, I just pretend she’s alive and still picking oranges on long, hot days.” Billy swallowed. “My dad just...shut down for the first time when he showed up to get me from Susan’s. I asked him if he was gonna hug me. Susan had for a long time. And he just tensed and told me not to be soft. That I can’t act like a pussy and mom was just too fucking sick to get better. But, I knew she had a chance. I knew it was enough. I...” Billy’s voice cut over. He tried to gasp for some clear air so Evie pulled him over the seats into her arms.
“You’re enough.” She said. Plain and simple. So easily.
Billy vibrated in response.
"Sometimes I think you navigate the world like something bad is coming for you and you're waiting for it, Evie," he muffled into her, "and I don't want you to go, too."
"I won't go." Evie held steady, eyes flickering beyond him at dead space. "Promise."
Hands came up like he might shove her off before Billy shattered. Melted into her heat. The soft slopes of flesh. Arms went under his so she could hold him close. Billy hitched a sob and stopped anything else that dared creep up his throat. Fingers wrung into her clothing. Evie let him squeeze her tight. Within inches of breath. Make her a balmy slice of paradise he could sink into.
Billy closed his eyes. Face pressing into the line of her collar. Inhaling perfume and lotion. Flames bubbling up from her skin.
“Come to bed with me,” Evie’s lips touched his ear, “nothing funny. I just don’t want you to sleep alone tonight.” Billy felt himself relent, only nodded into her hair.
They snuck out under street lamps and went into the Fenny house. Cleaned up without words to dress down for bed. Blue wiggled in with them atop the pillows and Billy faced away.
Evie wished she had something better to say, but she just told him goodnight. Gently murmured it against his spine as she tucked in behind him.
“Evie.” Billy shifted after a long beat. Turned over to face her there. Barely awake at that point, her eyes cracked.
“Hm?”
“Thanks.” Billy moved again on his back because it always seemed to get her nuzzling into his side. “What I told you. Don’t tell anyone else. Please.” Arm stretching so Evie could take her place and mumble something he didn’t catch, a nod followed. Nose pressing to the cotton tee he left on, Evie slipped away first. Left Billy to his thoughts as he watched the dim lights pull between the blinds and curtains to make patterns along her ceiling.
He knew he was consumed and he wasn’t sorry. Not one bit. Evie tumbled deeper into her dreams. Not stirring as fingers played with her curls. Petting them softly. Billy mulled over it all and he just wasn’t ashamed and he couldn’t figure out how to make her see it. But, he was willing to keep trying. Evie was worth trying for, too. Plain and simple. Sighing out, Billy let himself begin to slip too.
“Anyone…” He couldn’t help uttering, almost melodic. Lashes fluttering. “...who knows what love is…”
Billy peered down at Evie’s face, peaceful and relaxed against his chest. Cheek pressing hot through the fabric as his fingertips ran a barely-there line down the silky skin.
The rest of the lyrics never came. Tangled into his heartstrings where they made a cozy home.
Billy immersed himself in burning amber, closed his eyes to follow Evie into absolute darkness. Almost paradise.
~~~~~~~
Thanks guys for being so lovely! This is probs my fav chapter to date. Leave words in my ask or replies if you have them! Love to hear from you all xoxo
TAGGED:: @80sbxtch @nottherightseason @orxhidshavana @alagalaska @alongcamedolly @kellyk-chan @10blurredsmoke10 @stanley--barber @charmed-asylum @unmistakablyunknown
#billy hargrove#Billy hargrove x oc#Billy Hargrove imagine#billy hargrove fanfiction#stranger things fanfiction#Billy x Angel#mine#writing#somy#angel fenny
43 notes
·
View notes
Text
priceless | bang chan [1/2]
genre: rich kid!chan x fem!reader feat. rich kid!felix & rick kid!woojin ; friends-to-lovers ; fluff ; angst ; alcohol consumption ; crazy rich asians inspired
summary: lucky you, you fall for the rich and powerful bang chan that every woman has their eyes on and he likes you back! but you get a taste of the luxurious life they all live in and you realize that someone like you isn’t meant to be with someone like him.
wc: 12.9k
a/n: two parts cuz this woulda been like 20k and i’m tired lol enjoy!
PART 2/2
Love at first sight was a horrendous idea. The thought of falling for someone the second your eyes met was absolutely terrifying. Of course this wasn’t exactly how it worked, but it sounded like sorcery, didn’t it? At least to Chan it did. He asked his father one time what it meant to feel so enamored by someone simply from the first encounter and he replied with,
“That’s just Hollywood mumbo-jumbo! Love takes time and it will come naturally, not right at the start. Love is patient. Just look at me - I’m patient with your mother all the time!”
So instead of expecting a spark with every person he met, Chan didn’t bother and let his feelings develop naturally. With every girlfriend he’s ever had, he let his heart take the lead and his mind, body, and soul followed shortly after.
Then he met you. Everything he knew about falling love went out the window. With you, love was not patient, nor was it kind, nor was it anything close to how it should ‘develop naturally’. It was a bullet train that hit Chan without remorse, crumbling every word and memory about what he thought love was supposed to be. It was unforgiving, with you two spending your entire college careers together as he watched you smile whenever you got your food, witnessed the stars in your eyes on your weekend nights together, and took note of the way your brows furrowed cutely when you were focused. The worst was when he had to sit there and listen about the guy you went on a date with or took back to your place. Love was truly unfair, and yes, he wasn’t so innocent on his side either, but how else was he supposed to distract himself from you? Surely partly-meaningless but healthy relationships with other women was much healthier than drowning in alcohol or whatever his inheritance-mooching friends did these days, wasn’t it?
Koi no yokan. It meant something along the lines of the type of feeling when you meet someone and you know that one day, you’ll fall in love with them. It might not be today, it might not be tomorrow, but it was inevitable. Chan hoped that was the kind of feeling you had when you met him. He hoped - he even prayed! - that the day you two met, you looked at him and thought, ‘he’s the type of man I could see myself falling for endlessly one day. Absolutely, positively ardently.’
Even when everyone around him and his ancestors above knew that you two couldn’t possibly be together, he’d find a way. Bang Chan always found a way.
After one thousand four hundred sixty days, multiple meaningless flings, and a couple of diplomas later, Chan continued to wait for that day to come.
four years ago:
You met Chan through your classmate-turned-friend Felix. It all started with some stupid class that was some elective you didn’t care about with a Professor who still believed in assigning partners for projects because college students weren’t capable of doing work on their own. Lo and behold, you were paired up with Felix, who wore an impossible amount of hyped-up designer brands, some of which you haven’t even heard of before. Of course you thought you were stuck with some rich, snobby, stuck-up inheritance-hogging brat who only went to college and majored in business so he could upstage all the other rich kids in his Daddy’s social circle, making him look like he was better than the rest of them for earning his inheritance. Surprisingly, that wasn’t all true. He was definitely trying to be The Top Heir, but he wasn’t a total dick. He was actually pretty nice for someone with a zillion dollars. That was the start of a beautiful and dynamic friendship.
“I can’t believe that’s what you really thought of me!” Felix gasped, clutching his heart at your insult. You tried to shush him from the nosy customers in the coffee shop, but he didn’t care. “You can’t judge a book by its cover, _____.”
“How can I not when you’ve rubbed your worth in my face since day one?” You took his Gucci x SUPREME collab black wallet with the signature GG logo and a Kingsnake painted on it that held four of his very heavy credit cards and shoved it in his face like he did with you and his entire existence.
“Yo, chill! The friction isn’t good for the credit cards!”
“I’m sure you have your emergency billion dollars stashed up in your penthouse suite just in case.”
“Yeah, but I hate carrying cash, so stop it,” he whined, snatching his wallet back. His phone vibrated on the table. “Oh, he’s almost here.”
“Who?”
“One of my friends. He asked to borrow the Versace belt you love so much.”
“You have two dozen Versace belts,” you scoffed. “Which one?”
“The one with the Barocco print.”
“English, Felix, English.”
“The floral one.”
“Oh my God, he wants to borrow that six-hundred dollar color-clashing mess!? Shouldn’t you people with money have some sort of fashion sense?”
“You are so mean. Stereotyping ‘my people’ is not cool, _____. Not cool! And my fashion sense is A-1!” he scolded, poking you harshly with his embossed fountain pen. “Can you at least try to be nice to him when he comes? You’re always so distant when you meet my friends.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Remember when you met Changbin?”
“Changbin told me he wanted to fly me to Paris to wine and dine me and rent a room in the Palace of Versailles like a Diamond-Grade prostitute, of course I try to stay far away from him!”
“But isn’t that the nicest thing a guy has ever told you? Isn’t it tempting to want to say yes? If I were you, I would’ve taken the offer.”
“Not surprised.”
It was then an impossibly handsome guy walked through the door. That had to be him because all of Felix’s friends were hot, but it was hard to tell. He wasn’t wearing anything ostentatious that screamed he was born into money (unlike your buddy Felix) nor did he wear anything that even resembled expensive brands. He wore all black, and though some items were stamped SUPREME, you couldn’t tell or at least recognize any other brands he wore. His fluffy, curly hair, cut jawline, kind eyes, and a warm million-dollar smile let you know he wasn’t like Felix’s other friends at all.
“_____, this is Chan, a family friend of mine. Chan, this is _____, the sole reason I haven’t flunked school yet.”
Chan was raised to judge every person he met by their looks and what they wore - it was an old habit his parents and grandparents embroidered in his brain, like silver thread on fine silk, that he was trying to get rid of since he started college. You wore nothing that indicated you were either from old or new money, nothing that said anything about your family name or bloodline, and no jewelry that looked like you inherited your great-great grandmother’s jewels that were gifted to her by a Prince. You were ordinary - quite possibly one of the only ordinary people he’s met thus far at this school.
Yes, you were nothing special material-wise, but you were pain-painstakingly stunning. How was that possible? Maybe it was your cute nose, or your pink lips, or the adorable way your brow quirked that caught his attention. Your curious eyes met his wide ones, sending his heart up to his throat, stopping him from breathing. It took him a minute to realize you had your hand out, waiting for him to connect. Quickly and awkwardly, he took your hand in his and felt his heart drop back into his chest cavity. But now he was sweating.
The effect you had on him was dangerous.
“Nice to meet you,” you said politely for the sake of Felix’s plea. The boy only nodded silently, trying not to look too affected by your infectious, beautiful smile. Great, another weirdo, you thought. Why were all the rich kids in this school so fucking weird!? Maybe it was your fault for accepting a scholarship to one of the country’s most expensive schools.
“Here’s the belt you requested.” Felix pulled out the belt a unicorn vomited on and handed it to Chan, who had snapped out of his trance. Your disgusted look doesn’t go unnoticed by him and he’s afraid you’re judging his choice in accessories. He wondered what kind of style you liked if you didn’t like this belt because all the upperclassmen born into old money that had girls falling on their knees had this belt. He’d have to ask Felix some other time.
“Thanks, dude. Mom said if I didn’t have Versace to wear at the charity event this weekend that she’d write me out of her will.”
So dramatic, you thought. You didn’t want to listen to boys talk about what pieces of clothing they had that cost more than tuition, so you sat back down and went back to studying.
“You owe me. Don’t get any champagne stains on it. And I better not see any wrinkles or stretches in the leather.”
“Yes, Dad. I can’t believe you let me borrow this. What are you gonna wear then?”
“I don’t know, something vintage probably, but I’ll figure it out. Got a date?”
“That’s requirement number two in order to stay in Mom’s will. I’m bringing Sana. What about you?”
“I’d rather go stag than bring some clingy arm candy to a simple charity fashion show. Unless _____ wants to be my date ~?”
“I’d rather die than be your arm candy,” you snorted.
To your dismay, Felix ruffled your hair playfully. “She hates it when I talk about this stuff. Don’t tell anyone I’m not bringing a date or else I’ll get kicked out, they’ll figure it out once I get there.”
“Gotcha. I’ll see you then.” After their bro handshake, Chan mustered up the courage to say, “It was nice meeting you, _____.”
“Nice meeting you,” you said in a sickly-sweet tone.
He saw right through you - you didn’t like him. He’s not sure why, when you barely talked to him for those two minutes he was there. Was he being too weird when you shook hands? Maybe he was talking too much about the show, since Felix mentioned you hated those kinds of talks, but why? Surely, you had to be used to this kind of stuff, right? Really, it shouldn’t bother him so much to know you didn’t like him already, but that famous Bang Pride coursed through his veins because everyone loved Bang Chan! It didn’t help that even knowing he didn’t need your attention, he was still so intrigued by you. To have those feelings not be reciprocated for the first time, to have you not eyeing him like you wanted him so badly, to you being completely disinterested at the simple mention of a high-class charity event that everyone was attending… It was exciting.
He accepted the challenge. He was going to win you over, whether you liked it or not.
“So what’d you think about Chan? He’s not so bad, right?” Felix asked before snatching up the last madeleine.
“He’s a little weird.”
“Yeah, I don’t know why, though...”
“You mean he’s not a space case all the time?”
“Not at all. If anything, he’s the one with the most confidence and focus out of our group of friends. Usually, people become a space case because of HIS presence, never the other way around. Did you cast a spell on him, or something?”
“I must have if I got one of your cocky millionaire friends to fall silent. I can feel the power in my veins.”
“Hey man, you better not flaunt that big ass head of yours. If word gets out that Chan was like that around a lil ol’ ordinary Olivia like yourself, you could be in big trouble.”
“You never warned me like this when it was Changbin. What makes Chan different?”
“Chan’s wealth has a long history. Like, really long. Almost pre-1800s long. His great-great-great-grandmother was one of the most well-regarded doctors in the country in her time. She was very well-off with the money she made, lived happily on her own, did her duty as a citizen and helped heal the soldiers during some war, and captured the heart of one of the most honored war heroes. Chan’s fortune began with a doctor and a war hero who gave birth to some inventor guy who married a luxury hotel heiress, whose history of wealth even I can’t trace back, and gave birth to the hotel heir that expanded its locations to eighteen different countries who then married the founder of a children’s charity, much to everyone’s surprise, and they gave birth to Chan’s grandmother, the sole heiress to the number one luxury hotel chain in the world. His Mom, who is currently sits at the head of the charity organization, is next in line. Then Chan gets to lead the organization until he inherits the hotels.”
Your brain struggled to wrap around Chan’s pedigree. “So he’s rich just like the rest of you.”
“Yeah, but he’s filthy rich. He’s been the Asia'’s most eligible bachelor under twenty-five twice in a row. What I’m saying is Chan is probably the number one most sought after guy slash son-in-law right now, and if anyone knows he’s taken even the slightest interest in you, they’ll do whatever it takes to make sure you two don’t happen.”
Well, that was terrifying. “God, this sounds like Cinderella on steroids. You better make sure we don’t happen!”
“I refuse to mess with fate, so this is all on you, babe.”
The F in Felix stood for Fake Friend.
Chan couldn’t find anything about you.
Google told him nothing, your social media showed him zilch, hell even his family private investigator only got as far as your great-grandparents owned a restaurant together which your grandfather and then your father happily took over. Really, he should have known from the start when he saw your clothes and lack of jewels that you didn’t come from the same background as him or Felix. This only made you more interesting.
After his thorough research on your social media and accidentally hitting the ‘add friend’ button (to which he shut his laptop and refused to look at the app for at least twenty-four hours out of pure embarrassment), you added him back only a couple hours later and he couldn’t stop the goofy smile growing on his lips. He felt like a little kid with a crush on his classmate! Your pictures were very silly, but you were still so pretty, and your captions were goofy with a touch of your wit peaking through and God, Chan had never been so struck by someone before, let alone by someone whose family history didn’t have their own Wikipedia page.
He needed to get to know you - to pick your brain, figure out your taste, and see that smile again. He needed to.
Poor Felix had to deal with texts like this:
issa banger [11:03 am]: wyd
yung felix [11:05 am]: eating lunch, why?
issa banger [11:06 am]: is _____ with you?
yung felix [11:09 am]: ??????????? no, why??
issa banger [11:09 am]: Read at 11:09 am.
And this:
issa banger [9:23 pm]: is that _____ in your snapchat?
yung felix [9:26 pm]: yeah u creep, we’re studying.
issa banger [9:32 pm]: what a coincidence, me too! i’m coming over.
yung felix [9:55 pm]: oop, she just left.
issa banger [9:47 pm]: ………..…. well i’m already here, so open the door.
And most recently this:
issa banger [2:15 am]: she’z sooiioioo cute felix…………
yung felix [2:17 am]: oh my god can u shut the fuck up.
This was all within one week of meeting you! Felix had to end this. He had never seen such a sad, desperate, puppy-loving side of Chan before, it was disgusting! What happened to the ‘I-don’t-care-about-love-I’ll-just-fuck-around-for-now-because-I’ll-probably-be-arranged-to-be-married-and-have-a-mistress-on-the-side-before-I’m-thirty’ Chan he knew since they were in diapers!? And like, no offense to you, but Chan was like this because of you, of all people, who came from a working-class family. The Bangs were groomed to date and marry only the best, so you two would never work out for even a day if it even got that far. But whatever, if meeting you again was all it took for Chan to stop bothering him, then so be it. You might kill him later for setting this up, but he’ll take the fall - anything to get his filthy rich and lonely friend to stop breathing down his neck.
fungus [5:43 pm]: hey u at the coffee shop?
you [5:57 pm]: yeah why?
fungus [6:01 pm]: i told chan to drop off The Versace Barocco-Print Belt with u if that’s cool
you [6:02 pm]: uuuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh fine
fungus [6:05 pm]: thanks bro.
fungus [6:06 pm]: play nice ~ he’s a cool guy.
On cue, the ever-so handsome, front cover of GQ magazine, most eligible bachelor under twenty-five who added you on social media at three in the morning last week walked through the door. Again, he didn’t wear anything that stood out or any brands you didn’t recognize, so he didn’t necessarily look like he had any type of money Felix had informed you the first time, but the way he walked made up for it. Back straight, broad shoulders that swayed, chest out and peaking through the white satin button-up that was buttoned too low, flexed jaw and pursed lips that said ‘move, bitch’, and his expensive dress shoes that clicked and echoed on the floor, drawing the attention of everyone in the cafe. He may not have dressed to stand out, but that didn’t matter because he drew everyone’s attention anyways.
He paid no mind to everyone else because all of his attention was on you. The second he laid eyes on you was when his annoyed expression melted into a mix of something sweet and thankful.
“_____,” he greeted simply in his honey voice. “It’s nice to see you again.”
“Hi,” you said casually. “Likewise. Do you have the world’s ugliest belt with you?”
He chuckled lightheartedly, which sounded more like a cute giggle. “Is it really that ugly?”
“Too avant garde, if you ask me.”
Chan invited himself to a seat next to you. When you didn’t object or look noticeably disgusted by his presence, he took it as a sign that you welcomed his company. One foot through the door. “I’ll have you know it was a hit last weekend.”
“I’m sure anything you wear is a hit, even if it is something so atrocious.”
“It’s called couture.”
“I suppose my taste isn’t as high-class compared to your couture.”
“What is your taste?”
“I don’t think the lack of zeros in my bank account qualify me to answer this question.”
Another silky laugh escaped his curled lips. _____, stop looking there! “You don’t need to have a lot of money to know or have good taste.”
“There’s a whole world of clothing, food, and architecture that I didn’t know about before meeting Felix, so the expanse of my knowledge when it comes to a taste of anything isn’t as vast as those who do have a butt-load of money.”
“Even so, I happen to like your style.”
You did that cute little brow quirk he liked so much. “My t-shirt and jeans? You’re kidding, right?”
“What? I’m wearing a shirt and jeans, too.”
“Your shirt is made from the finest silk China could afford and mine is a mix of cotton and polyester.”
“Close enough. At least our jeans match.” Chan placed the belt free of champagne stains and leather wrinkles on the table. “Here’s your favorite belt of art that’s been passed around our friend group like a blunt.”
“Ooh, I can’t wait to hold something that’s touched nine millionaires’ crotches.”
“I bet,” he teased. “You look busy, so I’ll leave you alone.”
Normally, you’d be more than happy to bid a man farewell, but something came over you. ��Actually, I’m not. Are you busy?”
“Me? No, why?”
“I’m kind of hungry. Would you like to join me for dinner?”
Chan had to stop his grin from growing. He couldn’t look too excited, or that would creep you out. And to think he doubted himself about winning you over. You even beat him to asking you out! “I’d love to. I know the perfect place.”
“I’m sure you know this by now from my impeccable style but please choose somewhere affordable.”
“This place is cheap, I promise.”
“Like two dollar signs on Yelp cheap?”
“One.”
“Now you’re talking my language, Mr. Chan.”
He’ll talk all your ‘languages’ - your food language, your money language, your love language - he’ll come to know all of them like the back of his hand.
Despite picking a place to eat for the both of you to enjoy without denting your bank account, Chan ended up paying for both of your meals with his black metal credit card.
“Hey, why’d you do that!?” you whined.
“I never let my friends pay when they’re with me.”
“Well, I’m not one of your money-hungry friends! I have pride and dignity! This means I owe you a meal next time.”
“Ok, it’s a date.”
Chan was making his way towards the door before you could fully process the exchange. A date? Oh God, was tonight’s dinner a date!? No way, right…? Out the door, you saw him chuckle at how confused your face must have looked and he ushered you with his hand to hurry and follow.
Smooth move, Mr. Chan… I’ll let that one slide.
two years ago:
Falling for Chan was effortless. After dinner the night he returned Felix’s belt, spending time together happened so frequently that you didn’t even notice how fast you were falling. You hate to sound cliche, but Chan wasn’t like all the other rich kids within their massive social circle. He didn’t flaunt his worth, he didn’t judge you for your lack thereof, nor was he some dumb ass kid going to school to just party and hook up every other night.
Chan was kind. He’d always put your needs above his, like wanting to pay him back for all the food he’d buy, but that got hard to keep up with real fast. He never wanted you to pay him back in the first place, but if buying him a cup of coffee would make you happy, then so be it. He’d always walk you back to your dingy apartment after dinner or drive you home in his blacked-out Ferarri after studying at the library so late because he worried about you walking alone in the dark. You fell faster on the days you were sick and he’d stop by with the best chicken soup in the city, packets of fragrant teas to chase the Nyquil, and the fancy tissues with vapor rub and soothing lotion. But he must do these kinds of things with all of his friends, because that’s the kind of person he was.
Chan was intelligent. He told you about his childhood spent in private schools with private tutors while playing sports and instruments and learning multiple languages and if he didn’t rank in the top 5% every year, he got his ass handed to him by his mother (fourth year of high school was rough). What amazed you even more was how he retained all of the languages and talent.
“I took five years of Spanish and I can speak at a child’s level,” you pouted. “How the hell do you know seven languages!?”
“Gotta learn the languages of where the hotels are located, y’know?”
“Of course…”
Chan was passionate. Not just about the charity work his family does, not just about the hotel business, but every little thing that interested him sparked a little fire inside. Chan put his mind, body, and soul into all his projects, his work, and everything he ever cared about. When he’s focused and has a goal in mind, he won’t stop until he gets it done and the execution is perfect. You thought it was kind of hot - the way his pupils dilated, the satisfied smirk after completing something, the dangerous little sparkle in his eyes… So hot.
It was the little things that solidified his place in your heart. All the times he tucked your hair behind your ears, when his hand was on the small of your back to guide you, and when his breath tickled your ear when he leaned in close to whisper were all little catalysts to your already-aching heart that beats for him.
What were you to do? You, a simple woman growing up nowhere near his and Felix’s type of lifestyle. You didn’t have diamond-encrusted pacifiers, or ten maids and nannies, or a yacht that you got on your eighteenth birthday. You lived a simple teenage and young adult life that you wouldn’t change for the world, yet you fell for someone who had everything served to him on silver platters and fine china. You thought that there was no way you two could ever work even if he reciprocated your feelings.
But he didn’t see you as the simple woman you saw in the mirror. He saw the extraordinary, goofy, diligent, beautiful you all the time. Your background or financial status didn’t matter to him. The way you smiled at him mattered; the way your hand lingered on his arm a little longer after you hit him for something funny he said mattered; the dreamy look in your eyes that you had whenever you looked at him mattered. Nothing else mattered.
“Why do you always look at me like that?” he asked you one evening while hanging out on his massive penthouse porch.
“Like what?”
“With your wide eyes and that soft little smile that breaks all the boys’ hearts,” he teased. “Did I do something? Am I that sexy?”
“Shut up,” you blushed. “I’m just thinking about how it’s weird being friends with you.”
“Why weird?”
“I don’t know. I’m not used to being around all of this.” Your arms widened to showcase Chan’s apartment that was at least ten times the size of yours.
“Ah, you mean my butt load of money. Even after two years of being The Dynamic Duo?”
“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it. I just feel out of place, you know? I see the way some of your other friends look at me. It shouldn’t bother me so much, but I can’t help it. I feel like I don’t have the prerequisites to be your friend.”
“Who’s looking at you funny? Is it Bambam? I’ll kick his ass -”
“Stop, don’t kick your friends’ asses.”
“They just haven’t gotten to know the wonderful, thoughtful, dumb ass _____ yet.” Chan pulled you into a tight bro-like hug and ruffled your hair like a little kid to mask his rapidly-beating heart. “Don’t pay attention to them. You should know by now I don’t care about money.”
“But -”
“None of that about you matters to me, ok? Only you matter.”
You learned by now to not be affected by his poetic words, but tonight you fell back into your old habits. Only you mattered to him - that felt good. Feeling defeated by your dumb feelings, but comforted at the same time, you lazily wrapped your arms around Chan’s tiny waist as you lay your head on his shoulder.
“You’re so corny,” you muttered.
He ruffled your hair once more. “Only for you.”
It was then you thought to yourself that maybe this could work. Maybe falling for him wasn’t a mistake and being together wasn’t so far-fetched and being loved was something obtainable. For the first time, you thought having Chan by your side wasn’t as ridiculous as it seemed.
But of course, it wasn’t that simple. Nothing was simple when it came to Bang Chan. It was always out of the ordinary. Extraordinary. The night you realized you and him would never be was the same night you witnessed what life was like when you could drown in your own gold and jewels.
“Singapore?” you repeated to your two Aussie friends incredulously. “You’re going to Singapore just for the weekend?”
“We’re going to Singapore,” Chan corrected.
Felix called you and said to come over immediately because it was an emergency, which was Felix talk for ‘I have a trip in a couple of days and I need you to help me pick out my outfits.’ Really, you never actually helped with the picking process, he just wanted you there to tell him he looked good. So as usual, you sat in one of his oriental-style bright red cushioned chairs that were placed on both ends of the ten-by-ten foot mirror in his massive walk-in closet and Chan stood next to you, wondering how you ever put up with Felix’s outfit changes. Tonight wasn’t the usual packing agenda when they broke the news to you that yes, you were definitely joining them on a weekend trip to Singapore for Choi San’s birthday this weekend.
“I can’t afford that!” you screeched. “I can’t just book a flight and a hotel like this on the spot!”
“Oh, _____, you’re so cute ~” Felix teased, adjusting the collar on his shirt. “Like hell am I going to let us fly like the locals. We’re using my Dad’s private jet and staying in Chan’s private Black and White bungalow, of course. And none of us have to pay a dime.”
“But I don’t even know San like that.”
“You will this weekend. C’mon, it’ll be so much fun! It’s going to be the party of the century! He always throws the most extra parties.”
“Even if I did want to go, I don’t have the clothes for it. I don’t own anything high-end like you guys. I’ll stick out like a sore thumb.”
“I already got that covered.” With his shirt half-buttoned, Felix ran to the other side of the closet to open a door you had never seen before. Inside of his bedroom, which held a 500 square foot closet, held a smaller 300 square foot closet. A closet within a closet - closet-ception, if you will. You didn’t have to go inside to see all the crystal-embroidered tulle gowns and the silkiest shirts that hung on black velvet hangers. “My older sister keeps her clothes here sometimes so Dad doesn’t see it. Just borrow some of her stuff.”
“I can’t just take her clothes!”
“Actually, she already picked out the ones she thinks would look best on you,” Felix showed you her incoming text messages as proof that one, you definitely had her permission to wear whatever you’d like and two, she thought you looked best in Valentino.
“Ooh, Valentino ~ I agree,” Chan piped in.
“I don’t know…” you hesitated. You could handle Felix and Chan and their riches when it was just the two of them, but to be surrounded by hundreds of people who had the same kinds of bank accounts? And you, floating among them in clothing that wasn’t even yours, faking your way into the social circle? It sounded like a suicide mission.
“You’ll have one of us by your side the whole time, we promise. We want you to meet our friends and show you that not all rich people are assholes like our parents.” Chan stuck out his lower lip and clasped his hands together like a kid begging for some ice cream. “Please come?”
Felix joined in with the begging and now you have two golden retriever puppies begging you to go on what should be a multi-million dollar vacation for the weekend with them, dressed to the nines twenty-four seven. You had to be crazy to not immediately scream yes, but the whole idea of this weekend was just terrifying. But you’d be with Chan, vacationing in a beautiful country, with him by your side. You couldn’t pass this opportunity up.
“Fine,” you sighed in defeat.
“Yes! Ooh, this weekend is going to be so much fun! Hey, we should all match for the party! _____, I know exactly what you should wear -”
Chan snickered at the excited boy pulling out piles and piles of clothes to dress his new life-size doll. You already deeply regretted your decision.
As Felix held up pastel-colored tulles and jewel-toned satins up to your body in front of the ridiculously-sized mirror, Chan couldn’t help but fantasize about the weekend. He already had it all planned out - you would take the front seat in his cherry-red convertible and breathe in the clean Singaporean air with the biggest smile on your face as you all pulled up to his Black and White bungalow, your eyes would widen at the decor, you’d claim the bedroom right next to his, you’d take tons of pictures and capture every moment together, eat the foods he grew up with when he spent his summers here, and then party ‘til the sun rose. You’d look so beautiful in whatever Felix chose, and you’d link arms with him like you two were together. Then you’d dance, drink, and laugh the night away in his arms for hours. Felix would probably stray away to find some poor soul to bother and that’s when it’d be just the two of you. When the party was too much to handle or the alcohol was too strong, he’d walk you home. If you were stumbling over little bumps, he’d pick you up and carry you the whole three blocks distance and you’d be so cute and giggly that he, too, couldn’t help but laugh because the warmth of your blushing cheek pressed against his made his heart ecstatic. Once you arrive home, he’d take you to the backyard and you two would stargaze or watch the sun rise, depending on how late you came home. You’d start out with some space in between. Then he’d get closer. Then he’d brush his hands against yours. Then he’d hold them, fingers laced loosely at first, hoping you’d squeeze back tightly. Finally, he’d confess that after two years of knowing you, he’s fallen for you harder every single day since he met you at the coffee shop. If you felt the same, then perfect, the night would end with a soft kiss. If you didn’t, he’ll run to the pier and sail his yacht all the way back home and claim he was blackout drunk, or something.
Yeah, that sounded like a solid plan. What could go wrong?
It was six in the morning when you were dragged out of bed and thrown into Chan’s Ferrari. Felix’s private jet only had you, him, and Chan as passengers. You thought for something as big as a damn plane that maybe the whole friend group would be tagging along, but apparently they insisted on flying on their own and leaving a larger carbon footprint, but hey you weren’t surprised in the least. That just meant less arguing over what to watch on the eighty-inch flat screen and more champagne for the three of you.
“Holy shit,” you muttered after taking the middle seat in front of the television.
“Pretty cool, huh?” Felix boasted, hopping on the seat to your left. “Have I not introduced you to JASMINE before?”
“I think I’d remember if I’ve been on your private jet before.”
“Ah, maybe I’m remembering the time you went on my yacht, ROSEMARY.”
Chan joined in to your left with a handful of flute glasses filled with bubbly, golden champagne and a single raspberry at the bottom for you and Felix. He raised his glass in celebration. “Cheers to the weekend.”
“It’s six thirty in the morning,” you groaned tiredly.
“It’s five o’clock somewhere.”
“You can’t keep using that excuse, Chan, your liver will fail you one day.”
“A wise man once said YOLO, my dearest _____, so let’s drink to that!”
“Ugh… cheers,” After taking a sip, your face twisted sourly. “Oh, that’s not good…”
“It’s terrible, but it gets the job done.”
“You’re both crazy, I love this stuff,” Felix said, chugging the whole glass. “Forget water, make sure only champagne and 1738 course through my veins for the next two days.”
For the duration of the six hour flight, the three of you watched one horror movie (to which Felix cowered under his fluffy monogrammed blanket) and one romantic comedy (to which Felix cried while holding his Rilakkuma bear). Then after the smoothest plane landing you’ve ever experienced, you finally landed in the beautiful country of Singapore. The skies were so blue, the skyline was gorgeous, hell even the airport was voted the most beautiful airport in the world. A red convertible pulled up to the three of you waiting at the arrivals section and the driver tossed Chan the car keys. As the driver put your luggage in the back of a separate car, Chan opened the passenger seat open for you like a gentleman.
“Your chariot awaits, my darling,” he smiled cheekily. “Her name is Cherie.”
“Do all rich people name their motor vehicles?”
“Of course, it’s only right.”
The crisp afternoon air felt good flowing between your fingers. Chan caught glimpses of your smile and knew then that inviting you to this weekend was the best decision he’s made concerning you. His plan was going swimmingly thus far - now to survive the next couple days.
The Black and White house was quite literally a Black and White house, but it was nothing close to being monotonous. It was a beautiful symmetrical white bungalow with black trimming and a tanned overhanging roof. All of the shutter-style windows were wide open, allowing the same beautiful breeze to pass through the house, wafting the smell of fresh scones and muffins as you walked through the door. The inside of the house got more extravagant with every step you took. The walls were all white (porcelain white, not daisy, of course), the tiles a glossy pearl, every corner filled with the greenest potted plants and too many antique potteries to count, high ceilings with a crystal chandelier dropping in the living room, and a deep mahogany wood door that led to the backyard that overlooked the entire city.
“You vacationed here in the summer!?” you gasped.
“Yup, every year.”
“It’s beautiful!”
“You should see Changbin’s bungalow,” Felix interjected. “He demanded the house to be repainted black instead of the classic white.”
“My childhood summers were spent on my grandparent’s farm. I can’t imagine what it’d be like to wake up every morning to freshly-made scones and fruit jam.”
Chan led you up the stairs to show you the bedrooms. You lost count of how many there were by the time you got to his. His room was enormous, with a king-sized bed right in the middle covered in the fluffiest white covers. He had his guitar and other music-related toys on one wall of the room with a soft yellow neon sign that said ‘CB97’ mounted high on the wall with posters beside it. His room was decorated very Chan-like, and you thought it was quite charming.
“I didn’t like being by my siblings, so I asked to get the one at the very end and the spares were used whenever Felix and the guys came over. Felix’s is across the hall and your’s is the one next door.”
“Ah yes, Chan’s room - where all the magic happened,” Felix teased, jumping on the bed. “I’ve heard way too many stories about the girls you’d take up here -”
“Ah ha ha ~! No need to relive that!” Chan blushed deeply.
“You’re suddenly shy about it now? You sure didn’t have any problem boasting about it every summer.”
“That was so long ago.”
“Please, two years was not that long ago. Didn’t you come her last year, too? God, who knows what happened then.”
Your heart sunk. So he’s taken girls up here before. A lot of girls, according to Felix, and by the way Chan blushed from embarrassment, he wasn’t denying it, either. It wasn’t right for you to feel jealous, you didn’t even know him during those times, unless he had a fling last summer that no one knew about. No, it definitely wasn’t right for you to feel jealous, but the burning in your chest was a little difficult to ignore at one in the afternoon.
“Gross,” you say as light-heartedly as you could. You left sourly without another word to unpack your belongings.
Fuck. Damn Felix and his big ass mouth! You probably thought he was a disgusting playboy now. This was one of several things Chan was afraid of when you were introduced to this side of his life - that his scandalous, rebellious past would come back to haunt him and hit you in the face and you’d be so turned off by it. Well, that’s exactly what happened, not one hour on the island. He couldn’t help that he was a horny teenager back then! Chan chucked one of the embroidered silk pillows at his cowering childhood friend before hastily following you.
You held up a jewel-toned satin piece that Felix chose from his sister’s closet. It was different than the one chosen a couple of nights ago (“_____, I change my mind, wear this one instead.” “Wha - Felix, we’re leaving in ten minutes!” “Just trust me!”), but Chan thought this one suited you much better. The look on your face said you thought otherwise.
“Not a fan of Valentino?” he teased.
“Quite the opposite. I think it’s beautiful, it’s just I don’t think it’ll look beautiful on me.”
“Nonsense. You look beautiful in anything.”
“There’s no need to lie.”
“Who’s lying? You look especially dashing in t-shirt and jeans.”
“My impeccable sense of style,” you giggled. “Is the party tonight really going to be this fancy? Isn’t it just a house party?”
“My dear _____, it’s not just any house party, it’s the house party,” Chan corrected. “San owns the biggest Black and White bungalow in the country. He decks it out to the max with unnecessary decorations, hires Singapore’s multi-Michelin star restaurants to cater, ships in expensive wines and spirits, and hires those exotic dancers that hang from the ceiling. San’s parties make international headlines, and this one’s extra special because it’s his birthday, so yes, fancy is just an understatement.”
“Yeah, I really don’t belong here…”
“Don’t worry about it for now. What we need to worry about is lunch, ‘cuz I’m starving.”
“Hey, I’m gonna be with Jisung and Changbin until the party. I’ll just see you guys there,” Felix waved off casually.
“Guess it’s just you and me.” Chan hoped he didn’t look too glad Felix was gone. “I want to take you to a restaurant I always ate at in the summer.”
“How many dollar signs on Yelp?”
“Not telling ‘cuz I’m paying.”
“Chan, you ass, you said you’d make things even from now on!”
“A man just wants to fly his friend to a whole new country and treat her to his favorite restaurant, is that too much to ask for!?”
You didn’t answer while following a happy-go-lucky, skippy Chan to his red convertible. You’ve never seen him so happy before. He must have missed being on the soil that held his summer-y childhood memories. Being in the hot sticky sun in the house he loved the most with the widest, dimple-iest smile on his cute lips let you know that Chan was at home. Spending every moment with him for the next two days watching his smile grow as he revisited memory lane would make it hard for your heart to stop fluttering.
It was no more than a ten minute drive from his house, but from where you parked, you couldn't spot any restaurants.
"It's a bit of a hole in the wall. I hope you don't mind walking a bit."
"Not at all! The best places to eat are always hidden well."
The surrounding area reminded you of the more crowded and space-efficient parts of home. The buildings were all kind of squished together with tiny alleys in between and there was a ton of foot traffic, but it was probably because it was the weekend. You almost lost track of Chan until he grabbed onto your hand and guided you through the sea of locals.
"It's a little overwhelming if you haven't been here before," he said apologetically. "It's worth the journey, I promise."
"You used to come here a lot over the summer?"
"Almost every day. The woman who runs the place was like another grandmother to me. She is the sweetest thing. Oh, there she is!"
Chan sharply turned the corner of the street and you were taken to a whole other dimension. It reminded you of the beginning scene in Spirited Away when Chihiro and her parents stumbled upon the empty street filled with different tents of food, only this time you couldn't even see past the second tent. Even in the daytime, a place like this seemed so magical that it was no wonder a kid wanted to come here everyday. The different spices and aromas marinated in the air and it was so heavenly, you couldn't wait to get a bite! Somewhere in the middle, the tent that Chan had been dying to go to all year round was right where he left it.
"Auntie!" Chan called from the back of the endless line.
"Eh?" A cute little woman with a floral bandanna and red apron squinted in your direction. The second she saw Chan's handsome face, her grumpy expression smoothed to that of a grandma seeing her grandson grow so much in just a single year. "Channie! You're back for the summer!?"
"Just for the weekend, auntie."
She didn't miss a single beat as she continued to serve her loyal customers. "Ah, you're too busy to visit me everyday now, huh?"
"Sadly, yes," he pouted.
"You want the usual, Channie?"
"Yes, please! Can you make that two?"
"Eh?" Again, the little woman squinted in your direction. Chan had let go of your hand and placed them on your shoulder, indicating that you were his guest of honor this afternoon. A teasing twinkle gleamed in her youthful eyes. "Ah, I see ~"
Chan didn't deny her teasing. He didn't say, 'nah, it's not like that' or say 'she's just a friend'. Instead, he hung his head down embarrassingly, his grin not faltering, neither yours. You wondered what he was thinking.
The line was long, but it moved quickly when Chan was by your side telling you stories of his childhood spent with Felix and his other friends making a ruckus in the streets and buying up all the meat skewers until not a single shop had any left.
"Jeez, growth spurt much?"
"Hey, a man's gotta eat, ok?"
Finally, it was your turn in line, and the Queen of the shop already had two plates full of noodles slathered in a dark, sweet-smelling sauce and two large styrofoam cups.
"Channie never ate anything else besides my kway teow noodles,” Auntie told you. “The first few years of eating it as a little boy, he thought there were no vegetables, so I never told him there were any because it was the only way he'd eat them - covered in my special sauce.”
"No need to relive my unhealthy childhood…" he muttered while you laughed.
"It's fine now, since you've grown up to be so~o handsome!" she pinched his chubby cheek. "Finally, you have yourself a girlfriend. 'Bout time! Even San beat you! But that’s no surprise, the ladies love that bad boy."
"O-Oh, we're not…!" you stuttered nervously, unable to finish your sentence. She really was like an embarrassing auntie…
"We're not together like that," Chan concluded. “She’s just a close friend.”
She scoffed incredulously. "Yeah, for now."
"Auntie!"
She ignored her favorite customer’s whining and turned to you once more. “Watch out for this playboy, he’ll be hard to tie down.”
“So I’ve heard.”
Chan needed to get you out of there before any more of his past was brought up. So much for his stellar, fool-proof plan. He handed Auntie what looked to be a lot of money, but you’re not sure what the conversion is to their dollar. A quick kiss on her cheek and he whisked you away. “Bye, Auntie! Love you!”
“Visit me more often, you stingy brat! And by, sweetheart, it was nice meeting you!” she called out sweetly.
Chan hastily grabbed one of the wooden benches just outside of the long street of vendors. He seemed quite relieved to have left his favorite food stand before Auntie revealed too much of the past summers. Your feelings clashed with a sense of jealousy and a bit of pride that she thought you were his girlfriend. Yet again did you have to remind yourself that no, _____, you cannot be jealous, you dumb ass!
“Sorry about that,” Chan sighed. “She doesn’t have a filter.”
“I like her. She’s very spunky,” you laughed. “Does she do that to all the girls you bring to her?”
“No. Why would you think that?”
“It seems like she’s met a few of them.”
“I’ve told her stories, but I’ve never brought any of them to this place. Now that I think about it, you’re the first girl I’ve brought to her. That’s probably why she thinks we’re serious.”
“Really? Why’s that?” You took your first bite of the savory-sweet noodles. It’s chewy, glutenous gold. “Holy shit.”
“Crazy good, right? Auntie makes them the best. And you’re asking why I never brought anyone else here?” You nodded silently, too preoccupied stuffing your face with Chan’s childhood favorite dish. “This place holds a special part of my childhood. I can’t just bring anyone here.”
“What’s makes it so special?” You took a sip from the styrofoam cup. It’s sugarcane juice!
“When I was a kid, I didn’t come here to bask in the sunlight and play at the beach all day. I’d go to summer school during the day where I was taught math and economics at least two grades ahead of me and attend Mom’s business and charity meetings in the evening. I was always so tired, no matter what time of day it was. One time, I was being so bratty and was crying so much from all the unwanted stress and my parents didn’t like it because I’m supposed to be the Charity Chairman’s perfect son and the perfect heir to the hotel franchise, you know? But I just wanted to be a kid. My family got so mad at me for being selfish that they kicked me out of the house for the night without dinner and I couldn’t come back until the morning.”
“That’s crazy! Where did you sleep!?”
“The pool house behind the main house,” he stated obviously.
“Oh, of course. Silly me.”
He threw his crumpled-up napkin at you before continuing. “That’s when I met Auntie. I was crying and wailing and sobbing like a baby on a Wednesday evening, so it wasn’t busy and no one really saw me. I sat at this very bench with my head down crying until I could fall asleep because I really didn’t want to return home. Then I felt someone nudge me awake. It was Auntie, and she gave me a bowl of curry with some paratha and I thought, ‘an old lady wouldn’t try to poison me, right?’ So I inhaled that whole bowl and chugged all of the chocolate Milo. I tried paying her with all the cash I had because I was so thankful, and she couldn’t believe a young kid like me had so much in the first place, but she never took it. I came every week to order from her and she remembered me every time. I tried everything on the menu by my tenth visit, and the kway teow is my favorite. I’d come here after a rough day with my parents, after I failed an exam, after I cried over some girl I had a crush on, after I found out my Dad had a mistress, you name it. Sometimes I came for no reason at all - I just didn’t want to be home.”
A shaky sigh escaped Chan’s lips. His eyes were glossy and it broke your heart to see Chan on the brink of tears, but he’s smiling. His upbringing was rough, but he’s smiling because he wouldn’t have survived his childhood without the spunky woman behind the food stand in the middle of the street. You dared to reach across the table and hold his hand, hoping he’d find some comfort in your touch. He does, and you know so by the way he squeeze it back so tightly. There were no more tears in his eyes.
“This place was my secret hideout for a good chunk of my life. I can’t just bring anyone here.” Chan began to trace little circles on the back of your hand.
“What am I if I’m not just anyone?”
“Special,” he replied. “To me, you’re special.”
The air was filled with your cute giggles and you took your hand back to cover your blushing, glowing face. Chan always had a way with words. “You’re a cornball!”
“I’ll have you know that the ladies love cornballs!”
“Not this one.”
“Oh, hold still, you got a little of the dark sauce on your cheek.” Chan leaned over the table with a napkin in his hand as you sat still. The very last second, he drops the napkin, scooped up a hefty dollop on his finger, and smeared it on your cheek.
“EW!”
“That’s what you get!”
Your special man began running to the car with you on his tail laughing like two young lovers on their honeymoon. Both of you failed to see someone taking pictures as they sent them to San’s entire guest list.
“Bro, you look hot.”
You jumped at Felix’s comment and chuck a pillow at his almost-shirtless torso. He had a weird habit of not buttoning up his shirts until the last minute. One of his many idiosyncrasies.
“Chill, that’s a compliment! Didn’t I pick out a hot Valentino piece? Chef kiss, m’lady.”
“You’re so gross… But you do have taste, so thank you. You really didn’t have to ask your sister to let me borrow this, though. I still feel terrible.”
“Shut up, you’re fine. She’s never going to wear that, I promise you. Besides, I can’t have someone not wearing designer stand next to me, that’d be blasphemous.”
“Can you please button up your shirt?”
“Why? These Hawaiian Sweet Rolls too much for you to handle?” he teased, flexing his six-pack. You dry heaved dramatically.
“You two are like siblings, it’s so funny - whoa,” Chan stopped mid-sentence, completely stunned by your presence. Of course he’d love how you looked if you wore a hoodie and jeans because he never even imagined you wearing something like this, but you blew him away.
“Good whoa or bad whoa?” you panicked.
“Definitely a good whoa… U-Uh, I mean, yeah. Yes.”
“Thank you,” you grinned. You eyed the man in the black and gold polka-dotted Muslin Yves Saint Laurent button up (buttoned too low, as usual) tucked loosely in Yves Saint Laurent cuffed trousers. Certainly, Chan was bound to be the center of attention at one point, regardless of whose birthday it was. Felix sported Louis tonight and you thought to yourself that you three were quite a sexy trio. “You two don’t look too bad yourselves.”
“Straight from the runway,” Felix boasted.
“Straight from my closet,” Chan shrugged.
“Can we get drunk before I cry about how much money I don’t have?”
Chan’s driver sported a white Rolls Royce to take you all there, despite it being only three blocks away (Felix was more than happy because he didn’t want to scuff his shoes). You thought you were fashionably late, but it turns out San was just showing off his cars and leaving them parked on the circular driveway. The size of his house made the cars look so, so tiny, but his house was truly enormous, way bigger than Chan’s. Couples among couples began to file in the house, making you feel nervous and very, very single.
“Do people usually bring a date to these parties?” you asked the boys.
“Yeah, for clout. Two shots later and suddenly everyone’s up for grabs,” Felix explained, walking up the driveway without waiting. “I’ll see y’all back at home. Or not. Don’t wait up for me ~”
When Chan saw that what Felix said didn’t lessen your nerves one bit, he held his arm out for you. “Wanna be my date for tonight?”
“You won’t ditch me after two shots?”
“Two, no. Five, maybe.”
How could you deny his dimpled grin? You couldn’t, so you slipped your arm through and walked into San’s palace. You were taken to a whole new world; a whole new dimension of luxury and riches that you only tapped into upon landing here. There was indeed dancers twirling on ribbons from the ceilings, loud music from some famous DJ that headlined at EDC, and liquor of every shade of gold in crystal glasses. Everything was so magnificent and expensive, it was like you couldn’t even afford to look at anything or even anyone. Everyone who was anyone was here, and you recognized a lot of their faces from Chan and Felix’s social media. You couldn’t even pronounce the brands they were wearing! Again, Chan sensed your anxiousness, something he was so unbelievably good at, and slipped his arm down so that he could grab on to your hand. He figured if you were able to let all his past worries go away by just holding his hand across the table that he could do the same, only this time he was by your side like he always wanted to be. You always predicted that his hand would fit so nicely in yours.
“CHAN! MI AMIGO!” San screamed into the mic from the dance floor. “Everyone, the sexiest bachelor of the hour has arrived!”
“Oh, boy,” he sighed.
He was surprised to hear you giggle at his friend’s nickname. “Looks like we came a little late.”
San stumbled in front of you before falling into your arms for a tight hug. You weren’t used to such an affectionate San - you shared multiple classes with him and you’re surprised he even remembered you, if you were being honest.
“Happy birthday, San,” you struggled to say as you held the boy up.
“Hi, _____! Thank you! I’m so glad you’re here!” San’s foxy eyes widened at the sight of his questioning friend. “Chan! I missed you!”
“Miss you, too, buddy,” he chuckled, hugging the sloppy man. “Happy birthday, bro. Making Mina work hard, I see.”
“Why, do you see her!? Don’t tell her you saw me!” And that was the last time you saw San.
Chan shook his head at his childhood friend. Then he took your hand and lead you deeper into the party. “Let’s go find people we actually know.”
As you slipped between the crowd, you felt eyes staring. A bunch of eyes, actually. A lot of them. The owners were mostly girls, ones you recognized, and that’s when you knew it was because of Chan, the bachelor of the century. They eyed you maliciously, switching between judging you from what you were wearing and your hold onto Chan’s hand. Where was that handsome waiter with a tray full of shots? You needed that right about now.
On cue, Chan handed you liquid gold. “Cheers to a fun night.”
“Right… Cheers.” Bottoms up! Oh God, that burned! But the warm finish was quite nice. “More, please.”
“Jeez, what for? You trying to leave me after two shots already?” he teased.
“No, I’m just trying to blind myself from all those… eyes…”
“Huh?” Chan caught a glimpse of what you meant when he caught the eyes of familiar flings and old friends. His jaw clenched. “Don’t worry about them, ok?”
“I’m trying, but you’re holding me back if I can’t take at least one more shot.” Reluctantly, your handsome date gave you what you wanted and he followed suit. “Bottoms up!”
Bottoms up indeed, several times too many, if Chan thought so himself. But you were loosening up and not worrying about another thing he feared about this trip - that you would meet his exes, or worse, they would do something to hurt you because that’s just what girls with tons of money do. He soon forgot about all his worries when you dragged him on the dance floor and had your body pressed up against his. You were so goofy and cute when you were drunk just by itself, singing to all the songs and taking silly selfies, but when you were dancing? He could hardly keep his hands off of you.
Chan pulled away and you pouted, not wanting the warmth of his body to leave even for one second, but he told you he had to go to the bathroom and that he’d be right back, so don’t you move! But your intoxicated self didn’t listen and you found yourself wandering to the backyard where Hyunjin, Woojin, and a bunch of people you were familiar with gathered around the open-pit fire and having a little party themselves.
“Did _____ get her Rich Bitch ID?” Hyunjin teased, looking at the label of your dress. “Shit, I guess she has.”
“It’s Felix’s sister’s, so no, it’s just a fake ID to last me the night.”
Woojin swung his arm around you boyishly. “You’re always welcome to OUR Rich Bitch club. No cover for girls,” he winked.
“How generous of you.”
Chan didn’t take long in the bathroom. He made sure to come back to you as quickly as possible to pick up where you left off, but after a couple of minutes searching the crowd, he couldn’t find you. He’s not surprised you wandered off somewhere, he just wished you sent him a text, or something. He felt a tap on his shoulder, thinking it was you, but it ended up being Sana, his old fling.
“Channie!” she squealed happily, throwing her arms around his neck. “I missed you ~!”
“Hey, I missed you, too,” he hugged back awkwardly. “Long time no see.”
“I’m glad the feeling’s mutual. Whatcha doing?”
“I’m just looking for someone…” he said, continuing to scan the crowd like she wasn’t there. He shouldn’t have drank so much…
“You mean _____?”
How did she know your name? Not important. “Oh, yeah. Have you seen her?”
“She’s outside with Woojin.”
“With Woojin…?”
“Yup! Take a look.”
Sana took Chan by the hand and lead him to the back door. His tunnel vision, though quite blurry, found you with your back facing the door and Woojin, his childhood rival, to your right, where he had his arm around your shoulder. Oh, he was such a Kim! He always snatched whatever was his when he wasn’t looking, just like that modelling contract! Normally, Chan would be the bigger person and not care, but this was you, someone so important to him. He couldn’t let this go that easily. There’s this uncharacteristic rage and jealousy that built up in his chest, making his heart hurt with every beat. You weren’t even doing anything, but seeing you in someone else’s arms just as he left for the damn bathroom? After trying to make you his for so long? It hurt. It really, really hurt...
Sana took the opportunity to pull him away from you. “Hey, let’s dance. Like we used to.”
Without hesitating, Chan took the lead and went to the dance floor.
Time passed like it meant nothing while you caught up with some good friends, but sobriety was kicking in at three in the morning and you wondered how long Chan needed to go to the bathroom.
“I’m going to find my damn date,” you waved off to them.
Even at three in the morning, the house was still as crowded as ever, bumping music like the sun wasn’t going to rise in a couple of hours. You searched every room, every face on the dance floor, near every waiter that had a platter of liquor on it, and he was nowhere to be seen! Even the rooms that held couples making out (and then some) luckily didn’t have him in it, but where could he be? You ended up in the front yard last, perhaps he was looking at San’s cars, or something.
But that wasn’t where you saw him. At the end of the driveway, where it met the main street, you saw Chan walking some girl dressed in diamonds and crystals on the way back to the house.
That was the moment you knew you and Chan could never be. Even when he was with you for ninety percent of the night, he chose someone else. He was made to live his life in luxury, and that meant his love life was meant for luxury, too. No matter what you did, no matter how much you thought he liked you, how much you thought you were special to him, you could never live up to any of these other women at this party. You were nothing compared to them because you had nothing. You should have known better than to think otherwise.
“Hey,” you heard someone behind you. It was the ever-so handsome and dashing Woojin. Even in the dead of night, he looked so handsome. “Did you find Chan?”
“Um…” your voice was shaking. “Yeah, I think I saw him go home.”
From the tears in your eyes, Woojin assumed he didn’t go home alone. Typical heart-breaker Chan, always leaving girls behind to cry over him. Things never change. “Do you want me to walk you back?”
You nodded slowly. “Yeah, that’d be nice.”
You and Woojin walked the three blocks in silence. There was a considerable amount of space in between as Woojin figured you didn’t want any man to be near you at the moment. Of course he understood - he’s had a fair share of his heart-breaking days. Those days were now over because he was getting tired of this lifestyle. His liver didn’t function like when he was younger and he craved something deeper than just one night stands. God, he sounded like a total douche.
The walk up Chan’s porch made you nervous and made Woojin nostalgic. He remembered coming here everyday after summer school when he was a kid. He kind of missed it here. Woojin was about to knock on the door but stopped when he realized you weren’t beside him. You stood by step, not wanting to go any further.
“Everything ok?” Woojin asked.
“Yeah… No. Not really. I don’t want to go to bed.”
“Why not?”
“Our rooms are next to each other and I don’t know how thin the walls are.”
Woojin didn’t laugh nor try to convince you otherwise. Instead, he walked up to you and stopped so close that you could smell his Gucci The Voice of the Snake cologne. Then, he smiled sweetly, a trait of his that you always thought was so cute, and sat on the stairs.
He patted the seat next to him. “I’ll keep you company.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I don’t want to go home and I really don’t want to go back to the party.” His bottom lip pouted. “Please let me keep you company.”
You could use the distraction. “Even without trying, rich people get whatever they want.”
“Hey, we’re not all bad!”
“That’s what they all say,” you slurred, remembering that’s exactly what Chan said earlier.
“Yeah, you’re right. We’re pretty bad.”
“Maybe I should stop hanging around you guys and start hanging around my people.”
“But I like hanging out with you.”
“You know, before I met Felix and Chan and all your little yacht club friends who make fun of me for the clothes I wear -”
“Hey, that’s just Hyunjin, don’t lump us together like that! I like you no matter what you’re wearing.”
“- my life was so much simpler! I lived a simple life without luxury, I ate foods without truffles and caviar, I drank cheap soju like a regular poor delinquent instead of champagne and top-shelf liquor, and I didn’t like boys whose yearly income were worth ten times as much as I’d make in ten years!” You cried out to the skies above and buried your face in your hands. “Biggie was right… Mo Money Mo Problems…”
“There there…” Woojin comforted awkwardly.
“Woojin, can you be honest with me for a sec? Coming from a sad, average girl seeking advice from a rich bitch like yourself?”
“Of course.”
“Was I stupid to think I was anything special to Chan?”
Again, the handsome man beside you wrapped his arm around your shoulder like a good friend. Woojin was always a good friend to you. Outside of Felix and Chan, he was the only other man who was kind, despite you not being like the rest of his social circle.
“You said I can be honest, right?” he asked nervously.
“Oh my God, I’m an idiot.”
“Hey, that’s not what I was going to say. I was thinking naive was more of an appropriate word choice.”
“I’m so dumb, I might as well drop out.”
Woojin’s grip around you tightened. “Stop, don’t say that. You’re the smartest person I know, did you know that? Remember when you tutored all of us that one time? If you can tutor nine idiots in one session and we all somehow passed the class, you’re not an idiot.”
“Being book smart and Rich Boy smart are on two totally different levels of intelligence! Why am I so dumb in the latter!?”
“You aren’t. We’re the dumb ones. We let amazing people slip through our fingers because somehow this lifestyle sucks us back in. Some of us are able to overcome it, but most succumb to it.”
“... You’re right, you guys are the dumb ones.”
You and Woojin sat on Chan’s summer Black and White bungalow for hours, talking about the most useless things until the sun rose above the horizon and the light was almost blinding. It started out crying about how boys were stupid and ended with laughing until you couldn’t breathe from the stories he told you about his old flings.
“She said the mitochondria was the trap house of the cell,” Woojin tisked.
“She must have been kidding.”
“I can assure you she was not.”
“Wow,” you giggled. “You’ve dated a lot of… exciting people.”
“I wouldn’t say exciting…”
“Come to think of it, I can’t remember the last time I heard about some poor girl coming out of your place from Felix. He likes to whine about how lucky you are. Has Woojin lost his touch?”
“I will never lose my touch, don’t get that twisted,” he warned. “Maybe I’m tired of hook-ups. Maybe I’m trying to settle down.”
“Ha! Good one!”
“No, really!”
“Yeah, ok ~”
“Let me prove it. Let’s go on a date.”
Your laugh got caught in your throat. You’re stunned silent, looking at the man beside you like he was delusional. He had to be talking nonsense - it was six in the morning and neither of you had any sleep or anything to eat for several hours, he’s just talking crazy, right!? But the slight smirk on his lips told you that no, he wasn’t joking. He was enjoying that you were probably thinking about it right at this moment - what it’d be like to go on a date with Mr. Kim Woojin. He’s not wrong.
The front door to Chan’s house opened and startled you to death, but you’re so, so thankful that the girl Chan took home stumbled in between you two and you could avoid Woojin’s proclamation for a little longer. Both of you turned to see Chan in his pajamas bottoms and no shirt standing in the doorway, hair disheveled with droopy eyes, looking like he didn’t get any sleep at all.
Woojin helped you to your feet before greeting his old friend. “Good morning, Chan.”
The sleepy boy’s jaw tightened. Why did he look so triumphant? If you two were here the whole night, it’s not like you two did anything… right?
“Hey,” he greeted shortly.
Woojin turned to you. “Think about it. I’ll see you later?”
You nodded silently, still too stunned to move. Then, taking advantage of your frozen form, Woojin swooped in for a quick kiss on the cheek.
Oh shit, this man was serious.
You’re completely sober and you really wished you weren’t because now you were going to reflect on everything that happened yesterday, from the time you landed until just this very second. On top of that, you were probably going to have to deal with Chan’s grumpy ass right now because when you walked right past him to the kitchen to chug a whole bottle of water, he followed right on your tail.
“How was last night?” he asked bitterly.
“Not as good as yours apparently,” you replied, trying to stay light-hearted and calm. Don’t get jealous, _____. You don’t have a right to.
“Nothing happened.”
“Oh?”
“She was puking all night. I barely had any sleep while taking care of her.”
“Did you bring her here just so she can puke in the comfort of your home, or was that just an inconvenient coincidence?” The words made you sound jealous, but you were genuinely curious. He claimed that nothing happened as if he knew you’d care if something did. Well, you didn’t!... you said, lying to yourself.
Chan stayed quiet. That was more than enough to answer your question.
“I’m tired,” you mumbled. “I’m going to bed.”
Chan wouldn’t let you. “What were you and Woojin doing?”
“Uh, talking?”
“On my porch?”
“Yeah? You left me at the party and I was all alone! So he was nice enough to walk me back here. I didn’t want to go inside to my room because God knows what you and her were doing there -”
“Nothing happened,” he repeated.
“Yeah, now I know. But if she wasn’t puking, who knows what would have happened, and guess what, I didn’t want to hear that or deal with it or even think about it, so we sat on your porch for hours until you opened the door.”
“You were the one who left me first. I thought you and I were having a great time! I was having so much fun with you and I wanted you back in my arms as soon as possible, but then I saw you in his. Do you know how much that hurt? I have liked you since the day you took my breath away when we first met, and I thought I could finally tell you that when you were back in my arms. But then I saw you in his and panicked. I swear to you, nothing happened with me and Sana. Nothing was going to happen, not when all I could think about was what you could possibly be doing with him. I thought you left me for him, and I got scared. I’m an idiot. I’m so sorry, ok? Can we talk about this over breakfast?”
That was what Chan wanted to say. But he’s tired, and he’s hurt, and the tears in your eyes were too much for him to handle. With his head down, he said,
“I hope you had fun.”
Chan brushed passed you to get to the coffee maker. He might as well stay up - what was the point in sleeping now?
You rushed up stairs so he didn’t see the tears rolling down your face.
The day was silent. Everything seemed to stop, but that was the last thing you wanted. You wanted to pack up, get in the damn cherry red convertible, and fly all the way home where you could forget about this whole weekend and the people involved. Felix finally made it home around noon, chatting nonstop about the yacht party that happened at four in the morning and all the girls he was talking to and thankful he couldn’t sense the tension between you and Chan.
The drive to the airport was silent. The flight back home was silent. The drive to your apartment was silent and the only noise you made that night was crying yourself to sleep.
Where did you go wrong? Was it when you wandered off to Woojin? Was it when you agreed to go on this trip? Was it when you fell for someone so unattainable for someone in your social class? Was it when you weren’t born with a billion dollars to your name?
Life was unfair and it had a funny way with playing with you and your heart.
You didn’t see Chan much after tonight.
#chan#bang chan#skz#stray kids#skz chan#stray kids chan#skz scenarios#stray kids scenarios#skz imagines#stray kids imagines#chan scenarios#chan imagines#i love making chan look like an asshole LOOLLLL#sorry if some of the suggestive stuff was uhh explicit?? idk#also sorry it's in two parts HAHA i did not wanna post something more than my seungmin fic ._.#omg i hope yall like this :/ im not so confident w this one
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
And the Lies Have It!!
This is chapter 13 of the Life of Riley. To catch up on what you’ve been missing of what her life was like before Cordonia please click\
HERE
I am participating in @emceesynonymroll wacky drabble prompt #41 “Can you Move?” which will be bold.
Summary: Riley and her Dad go on their first run together in over 3 months of barely speaking to each other after Riley skipped school to help Von. Jason asks Von to lunch .
Word count: 1782
Riley Brooks belongs to pixelberry. All other characters are my own creation to support our story.
Warnings: Profanity, adult content, mentions of being a witness to domestic violence in the past, mentions of family mental illness, and our adorable boyfriend who yet again gets himself in yet another dumpster fire situation, this time with Riley’s dad and another officer.
Tagging: @queenjilian @dcbbw @burnsoslow @loveellamae @kingliam2019 @lovemychoices @bbrandy2002 @nomadics-stuff @kimmiedoo5 @cordonianroyalty @cordonia-gothqueen @lodberg @aestheticartwriting @glaimtruelovealways @custaroonie @texaskitten30 @janezillow @atha68 @my0123456789universe @kaitycole @indiacater @losingbraincellseveryday @yukinagato2012 @furiousherringoperatortoad @marietrinmimi @hopefulmoonobject @sevenfuckslefttogive @ac27dj @queen-arabella-of-cordonia @mrsdrakewalkerblog @islandcrow @xpandabeardontcarex @axwalker @acanthisorbis @sanchita012 @queenwalton @flutistbyday2020 @gabesmommie1130 @classylady1234 @mom2000aggie @queenaaliyah
Riley had stopped in the park. He could tell Riley was really tired, she hadn’t ran with him in over three months.
Thank goodness she was in her off season for track. Her coach would have her running sprints for days, if he knew Riley’s endurance was so low. Her father trotted back, and plopped down beside her.
"Let's take a break.”
They sat on the park bench facing the sunrise. Her dad had sat close to her. Riley inched closer to him. He hesitated, then he wrapped his arm around her. This is the first time Jason had touched her since he hit her that night.
Riley snuggled closer to him. She missed him too. Riley hugged her dad. Even though they were both sweaty.
"Dad?"
"Yes Jelly Bean?"
"Please give Von a chance, like mom's given him a chance. School is about to be out for summer vacation. And I would like to spend some time with my boyfriend."
"If I give him a chance, it's gonna be on my terms, my way, Jelly Bean."
"I am ok with that as long as you give him a real chance to show you how much he loves me."
"Riley love is a strong word to be tossing around so easily at your age."
"Doesn't make it any less true. I love him Daddy."
She leaned on him, putting all of her weight on him.
"Can you move?"
"I could, but I don't wanna."
"You stink."
"So do you."
He tried to rub his sweaty pits on her.
"Oh ewwww Dad you’re so gross!"
Riley jumped up running away.
"I thought you weren't moving?!?" He yelled chasing after her.
Ren heard the sound of stomping feet quickly approaching and then the door slam. She heard it open and slam again. Her heart was in her throat.
Then she heard Riley squeal in delight, and the unmistakable sound of laughter coming from both Jason and Riley. She smiled turning back around continuing to make breakfast. Making blueberry pancakes for Jason, and chocolate chip pancakes for Riley.
Finally there was peace and calm in the Brooks household.
Riley’s phone rang. It was the first time since everything had happened with Von and her dad, that Von had actually called her real cell phone. They had been talking on the burner phone for months.
“Why are you calling?” She asked.
“Your dad came by here and saw me today. He said that I could start calling you again.”
“REALLY!”
“Yeah, He was kind of nice, for him you know. He asked me to go to lunch with him tomorrow, to meet him at the station. Are you going?”
“Um… I don’t know, he’s not home yet.”
“He’s giving me a tour of the precinct too. So i can actually get school credit for it and take the rest of the day off.”
“That’s pretty cool.”
“Did you have a good day Riley?”
“It’s always better when I hear your voice, or get a text from you.”
“Riley….”
Whaaat?” She said giggling.
“I’m so lucky you love me.”
How quickly his tune would change.
Von decided he should look nice meeting Mr. Brooks. He didn't have any really nice clothes so he decided on a dark wash pair of jeans, and borrowed one of Tim's button down shirts.
Von showed up to the precinct with 10 minutes to spare. No way in hell he was going to be late meeting Riley’s Dad.
Von was asking the receptionist for Riley’s dad when he walked by. “Donovan!” He glanced at his watch. “Impressive. You really could teach Riley a thing or two about punctuality."
“I know sir.” He said smiling.
He was attentive as Jason showed him around, asked questions, and laughed at Mr Brooks' horrible jokes. The last room Jason took him in was an interrogation room.
"Right on time!" Lawson said seeing Jason and Donovan.
“Lawson, this is Riley’s “friend” Donovan. Donovan, this is Lawson, one of my really great friends and boss.” Von noticed Jason had used air quotes when he said the word friend.
"Let's have some fun shall we?"
Von got nervous…"Uhhhh….ok?"
"Have a seat." Lawson remarked.
Von sat down in the chair and Jason immediately put two straps one around his upper chest, the second his lower chest.
"These measure your breathing."
"Okay…" Von croaked.
He slid his fingers on his left hand in a device.
"This measures you how sweaty your hands get, and your heart rate."
"Sir is this legal?" Von asked. His heart beating wildly in his chest.
"You're not under arrest Von, unless you have something you want to confess? Do you have something you want to confess to me?"
That he took Riley's virginity two weeks ago. Hell no, not confessing that.
"No sir."
"Hmmmm your pulse is already up Donovan, are you nervous?"
Von was antsy in the chair. "I mean.. You’re hooking me up to, i guess it’s a lie detector test, to ask me questions? Couldn't this be seen as an abuse of your power as a police officer?"
Both men laughed.
"Shall we begin?"
Lawson gave Jason a thumbs up sign. “He’s a go.”
"So we're gonna start by you answering yes to these 3 questions you know to be no, so we can establish a baseline for deception. Only yes or no answers Donovan."
"Ok."
Jason asked the first 3 questions. After each question Lawson said "deceptive answer."
"Did you like Riley from the moment you met her?
"Yes."
"Truth."
"Are you in a serious relationship with Riley?"
"Yes."
"Truth."
"Do you love her?"
"With all my heart."
"Yes or no Donovan."
"Hell yes."
"Truth. I like this kid. He's got heart."
Then the questions took a serious turn.
"Do you really believe the story that Riley told you about Jaiden?"
In that moment it all became clear to Von. Mr. Brooks was not a bad guy, trying to make his life hell just because he liked Riley. He was just trying his hardest to protect Riley's sensitive heart from all the hurt, and rejection she had felt and bullying she had endured. He saw the pain in Jason's eyes.
Von looked Jason straight in the eyes, "Yes."
Jason's eyes shot over to Lawson.
"Truth."
Jason's let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding.
"Did you refuse Riley's help at first to skip school?"
"Yes."
"Truth."
"Was the money for rent you needed?"
"Yes."
"Truth."
Last question:
"Did you have sex with Riley that day she skipped school?"
Thank God he just asked that specific day.
"No."
"He's telling the truth."
Von felt like he was going to puke, and he was sweating. “Where’s the bathroom?”
“Down the hall second door to the right.”
They unhooked Donovan from the lie detector. Von quickly left.
“He’s not a bad kid Jason. Riley could do a whole lot worse. Here’s what we have on him. Shitty parents. Mom with mental issues, Dad that liked to beat the crap out of her. A four year old kid shouldn’t be taught how to dial 911 if he’s afraid his mom is going to get beat to death. She’s just sane enough that she was able to keep him. He’s basically raising himself hustling in the streets. No arrests, if we see him out there during school hours we look the other way.”
Jason glanced up seeing Von staring in the doorway.
“If you wanted to know about me, and my past. All you have to do is ask me Mr. Brooks.”
“Riley is my heart, you know, I would rather her hate me forever than discover you lied to her, breaking her heart.”
“I get that now.”
“Come on, after all this i put you through, the least i can do is buy you a steak dinner.”
“A Big steak.” Von remarked.
“You got it, come on.”
*****Later that Afternoon*****
“Hey babe.”
“RILEY!!!!!”
“What’s wrong?!?!?!?!”
“You won’t believe what your Dad did!” Von was in a state of laughter and disbelief at the same time, like what he was recounting wasn’t even real.
After he explained what happened, Riley ran down stairs to tell her mother.
Jaiden laughed at the story shaking his head. “God Dad. That’s hilarious.” He wondered if he would be just as protective over Riley if he was there. Yes without a doubt.
When Jason walked through the door into the living room, he saw the couch turned facing the door. Ren and Riley were sitting on the couch identically.
Both had stern faces, arms crossed over their chests, and crossed legs.
Both jumped up yelling at him, as soon as he said hello.
Jason laughed. “You guys wanted me to give him a chance I did. We bonded! I bought him a steak dinner for being a good sport. And he passed the lie detector test.”
“Because that makes it all ok, right?” The dryer buzzed, Ren went to the laundry room.
“Well good thing Riley, your boyfriend doesn’t scare easily.”
Riley quickly noticed her dad called Von her boyfriend.
“He’s not as bad as I thought. Maybe I can take you into the city sometimes too, to see him, or we can have him come out for dinner here sometimes.”
“You really mean it Dad?”
“I mean it.” He would talk to Ren later, and tell her about some of the sad things in Donovan’s life. His heart had softened in the realm where Donovan was concerned. Von had his chance, he best not screw it up.
Ren folded their clothes into piles. She was even okay with the fact Riley would have more dirty clothes again, now that she was running in the mornings with her father again.
She put Riley’s clothes on her bed. When she backed up she bumped Riley’s night stand. Her lip gloss rolled under the bed.
“Good grief!” She reached under the bed feeling for the lip gloss. She found it pulling out a plastic wrapper along with it. She put Riley’s lip gloss back on the night stand then picked up the wrapper. Her eyes widened when she realized what it was, and what it meant.
It was an empty condom wrapper. Riley had lied to Ren’s face about her and Von.
Riley saw Ren sitting on her bed in tears.
She closed the door behind her. “Mom what’s wrong?”
“I just realized you lied to my face about Von.”
“I’ve never lied to you about Von. I have told you the truth, about everything Mom I swear.”
“Then what the hell is this Riley?” She said in a forced whisper holding the wrapper so Riley could see it.
Damn… so much for the peace in the Brooks household.
#bebepac writes#wacky drabbles#the life of riley#trr fanfic#trr fandom#trh fanfic#trh fandom#trr riley#riley brooks#trr mc#life before cordonia#cordonia#tw mental illness#tw domestic violence
51 notes
·
View notes
Text
Sunday Brunch - Steve Rogers
Pairing: Steve x Reader
Warnings: Language. Always language. And douche-tastic family.
A/N: So an eternity ago (7 months) the lovely diinofayce gave me an eternal extension on my challenge entry for her because my life was falling apart. So I finally sat down to write this “little” one shot. 3500 words later, here you go. My prompt is in bold. Enjoy.
***
You sat at the end of the table, shoulders slumped with a cup of coffee in your hands. The rest of the team filed in and you ignored them, your mind already on what you had to endure today.
“What’s up with you?” Clint asked.
You glanced at him before grunting and taking a sip of your coffee.
“Seriously, Y/N, what’s wrong?” That came from Steve. Your gaze darted to him over your cup. The concern in his voice almost had you explaining, but he could wait until after your coffee. You’d been up all night worried about today and you needed the caffeine more than you needed air at this point.
“It’s today, isn’t it?” Natasha asked and you nodded. She was the one of the few that knew the extent to which you were dreading this day.
“What’s today?” Steve sounded near panicked. You couldn’t really blame him. Your usual pleasant demeanor was nowhere to be seen at the moment.
“Sunday brunch,” Nat answered for you.
Tony’s head shot up in the kitchen. “That’s today?”
You hummed in agreement. He muttered something you didn’t catch before heading over with a bottle of Bailey’s in hand. “Ah, thank you.” You took the liquor from him and topped off your coffee. “That’ll help immensely.”
“What’s so horrible about brunch?” Bucky asked around a mouthful of food. Steve, Sam and Bucky had been on mission the last time you went so they had missed the fallout. Lucky bastards.
“It’s not just any brunch. It’s brunch with her family,” Clint offered before shooting you a sympathetic smile.
“And?” Sam prompted after no one proceeded to fill them in on the rest.
You raked a hand through your hair. “My parents have a skewed sense of reality. They were both born into money, have always had it and are used to getting what they want. Part of that is a particular set of expectations for their children. None of which I have fulfilled.”
“It can’t be that bad,” Sam said.
You arched a brow. “I am not above slashing my own tires to avoid this brunch.” Even the thought had you smiling though it faded quickly. “Who am I kidding? They’d just send a car.”
Steve studied you with his intense blue eyes and a furrowed brow. “I don’t understand, Y/N. What expectations could they possibly have that you don’t meet? You’re amazing.” His cheeks flared red as if just realizing what he’d said. “I mean—”
Bucky placed a hand on Steve’s shoulder. “What Stevey boy here meant to say was he thinks you’re gorgeous, talented, badass, and sexy as hell.”
“Bucky!”
The dark-haired super soldier grinned and shot you a wink which had you chuckling as you sipped your coffee. He loved to give Steve shit.
“Y/N, I didn’t…I mean what Bucky said—”
You waved a hand through the air to let him know it didn’t matter. Steve glared at Bucky as he rubbed a hand across the back of his neck. “I could single handedly find the cure for cancer and I would still be a disappointment to my parents. My mother in particular. I am a daughter. Expectations for me include marrying a nice, respectable man. Preferably one that can support me in the lifestyle my parents think I should have. He should have a boring job and boring hobbies. We should then have at least 2.4 children and a dog. Just one; a pure breed that costs more than any animal should ever cost.”
The room around you remained silent as you took a sip of your coffee. Steve opened his mouth to say something and you lifted a finger to let him know you weren’t quite finished. “I should not work as it gives the impression my husband cannot support our family on his salary. Even if I am three times as brilliant as him my only job should be my volunteer efforts. PTA. HOA. Or whatever the acronym of the week is. My only value comes from the man whose arm I am on.”
“So just don’t go,” Sam said as if it was the simplest thing in the world.
“If she doesn’t go, she doesn’t get to see her nieces and nephews,” Nat explained.
You shook your head as you leaned back in your chair. “We all know it’s ridiculous and stupid. My brothers do at any rate. My sister should but she plays her role with a tight smile and dead eyes and resents every second of my rebellion. My brothers are married but they could always do whatever they wanted. They’re boys after all. Mom makes their lives miserable if they don’t give in to her. I don’t really care, but I love the kiddos.”
“Does she have a date for you this time?” Tony asked, his gaze darting briefly in Steve’s direction before coming back to you. He took every opportunity to remind you of the crush you’d stupidly admitted to him one night.
You sighed. “I hope not, but I didn’t tell her I was bringing anyone so probably.”
“I could go with you,” Steve’s voice was so soft you barely heard him.
You sat up in your chair and looked at him, hope blooming in your chest. “What did you say?”
He cleared his throat. “I could go with you.”
“Do you mean that? You’ll really go with me and pretend you’re head over heels for me so they’ll back off for a while?”
Bucky laughed. “I think he can manage to pull it off.”
“Stow it, Buck,” Steve grumbled before turning back to you. “Yeah, I can do that. I’d be happy to help.”
You squealed as you jumped up from your seat and ran around the table. You planted a big kiss on Steve’s cheek. “You have just made my whole day, Rogers.” You hurried to your room to get ready.
***
“This is your parents’ house?” Steve asked as you stood beside the car you’d borrowed from Tony.
You glanced up at the huge house in front of you and imagined how it must look to someone who grew up dirt poor in Brooklyn. “This is it. No backing out now Rogers. I need you.”
His hand found yours and grasped it, lacing your fingers together. “I’m not going anywhere, doll.”
Your face heated at both the nickname and the gesture. You pressed against his side. “Thanks, soldier.”
The door swung open before you could even knock and you were swept into a massive hug. You grunted as your feet came off the ground. “Put me down, you ape.”
“Is that anyway to say hello to your big brother?” Adam teased, though he did set you back on your feet.
You grinned as you straightened your clothes. “Hello, Adam. Steve, this is my oldest brother. Adam, Steve.”
Steve extended his hand, but Adam just stared at him with wide eyes. Finally, he seemed to snap out of it and took the offered hand. “It’s an honor to meet you.”
“Um…thanks.” Red tinged the ridges of Steve’s cheeks and the tops of his ears.
You smiled and took his hand back in yours once your brother finally released it. Adam’s eyes immediately latched on your joined hands. His gaze flicked between the two of you then he grinned. “Nate, get out here,” he called over his shoulder.
You turned toward Steve and dropped your voice so only he would hear. “My other brother. And major Cap fan. Sorry.”
He squeezed your hand to let you know it was fine just as your other brother appeared in the doorway beside Adam. “What is it?” he asked, then his gaze moved to you and Steve. “That’s…”
“Yeah,” Adam said.
“And that’s our sister.”
“Yep.”
“But they’re holding hands.”
“For the love of…” You shoved between your brothers to make an opening and pushed your way into the house, pulling Steve along behind you.
“Nate, Steve. Steve, Nate.” You moved to let go of Steve’s hand so he could shake Nate’s but he kept his grip on you.
Instead, he held out his left hand. “Nice to meet you.”
“Yeah…”
You rolled your eyes. “You guys know I’m an Avenger. Why are you so surprised to see me with Steve?”
Adam scratched the back of his head. “Honestly we kind of thought you just made that up to mess with mom and dad.”
You blinked at them as you processed this. “I have literally been on the TV.”
They both shrugged and you closed your eyes and prayed to the universe for patience. Steve chuckled beside you but quickly covered it with a cough when you opened an eye to glare at him.
“I should have realized I’d find you in the middle of the noise, Y/N.”
You barely resisted the urge to growl at the voice and opened your eyes to see the smirking face of your brother-in-law. “Paul. Where’s Amanda and the kids?”
“They’re in the drawing room with your mother and the other women. Your dad sent me to see why these two hadn’t returned to the den. Who’s your friend?”
“Steve Rogers.” He held out his right hand this time and you bit your lip to keep from laughing when Paul winced as they shook hands.
“Well, Steve, you should join us for a drink before dinner,” Paul suggested and did his best to hide the fact he was flexing his hand.
“I think I’ll stick with Y/N. Thanks though.” He put his hand on your back and kept it there as you moved to the drawing room.
“Aunt Y/N!” Announced your presence as the two of you entered the room and were instantly swarmed by children.
“My minions!” You gave them all a hug and a kiss on the head before glancing at Steve to find him watching you with soft eyes and a big smile. “This is Gabrielle, Grant, Kenzie, Jacob and Jasper.” You pointed to each one in turn. “Hester and Prudence are there by their mother, my sister Amanda.” Amanda gave a tight smile and rested her hand on her obvious baby bump. The point four of her perfect 2.4 children.
You wove your way through the kids and took your littlest nephew from his mom. “And this little guy is Charlie,” you cooed as you cradled the three-month old in your arms. “This is Adam’s wife Cecilia and Nora belongs to Nate. Everyone, this is Steve.”
Your lips twitched as you realized that Nora and Cici were already staring with wide eyes. Amanda kept darting glances but refused to look outright as if she didn’t have a poster of him on her wall growing up. The kids were too young to care or know who he was without his suit on. Steve greeted everyone and moved to where your mother sat watching with a disapproving gaze.
He offered his hand and kissed the back of hers when she gave it. “You must be Mrs. Y/L/N. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
She looked from him to you. “This one has manners. That’s a pleasant change.”
You ignored her but didn’t miss the slight stilling of Steve’s form before he returned to your side. He smiled down at Charlie. “He’s adorable.”
“Thank god they all take after Cici,” you teased.
“Her name is Cecilia and the baby is Charles as you well know, Y/N.”
Steve’s fingers flexed against your back but he followed your lead and ignored her. “All?”
You grinned. “Jasper is Nora and Nate’s. The rest are Adam and Cici’s. They take that whole be fruitful and multiply thing very seriously.”
“Y/N,” your mother chastised. Fortunately, the dinner bell rang before anymore conversation was necessary.
***
After introducing Steve to your father, you all sat for dinner. You slid your chair closer to Steve’s needing his nearness. Your hand found his under the table and pulled it into your lap as you played with his fingers. He placed his mouth beside your ear. “You okay?”
“Because of you, yeah.” You sucked in a breath when you realized you’d said that aloud. Steve’s only response was a gentle squeeze of your hand.
“So, Steven, what is it that you do?” your father asked.
Your brothers and their wives exchanged glances before looking down at their plates to hide twitching lips. “I believe he said he was a captain in the army,” Adam contributed.
A glance at Steve showed him fighting his own smile and there was a wicked glint in his eye you rarely saw. You thought about intervening, saying something in clarification but why? Might as well let them have their fun. “Retired,” Steve amended.
“You don’t look old enough to be retired.”
“He’s older than he looks, dad.” There was a burst of stifled laughter.
Paul glanced around the table with a frown, obviously realizing he was missing something. At this point in his life he should really be used to that by now. “Military work can’t pay well. Though I hear you can make some good money in the private sector once you’re out.”
“I do well enough. Though Y/N makes enough on her own she doesn’t need to depend on me.”
You nearly choked on your dinner and took a drink of water to help wash it down. Steve’s hand rested on your thigh and you nearly choked again. Damn, he was trying to kill you.
“Surely you don’t intend for her to continue working once you’re married?” That came from your mother.
Steve frowned. “I’m pretty sure the world will still need saving regardless of her marital status.” Before anyone could respond to that, he turned back to your brother-in-law. “And what is it you do, Paul?”
He straightened in his seat and patted his mouth with his napkin. “I’m a doctor. Top in my field.”
You wiped your mouth so you could cover your next words with your napkin. “He’s a podiatrist,” you said only loud enough for Steve to hear.
“That’s…” Steve’s voice caught and he cleared his throat before trying again. “That’s great.”
Your mother nodded. “It’s wonderful. As soon as they married, Amanda left her job. Of course, she’s very busy with her children and her volunteer activities.”
“Yes, well. Not all of us can be as industrious as Amanda,” you added, not bothering to keep the bitterness from your tone.
Steve rubbed your thigh with his thumb and you bit your lip to keep from saying anything else.
“Would you just stop?” Amanda said quietly though she slammed her silverware on the table. “We all know you’re jealous so just stop.”
Your brows shot up. “Exactly what am I supposed to be jealous of?”
She looked at you like you were the stupidest thing she’d ever seen then gestured around the table. “This. All of this. You could be married and have children but you just have to be different.”
“Amanda,” your mother chastised. “We have guests.”
“Who? Steve Rogers? You do realize that is Captain America, right? She just enjoys making people feel stupid. He’s not a guest. He’s a decoy. There is no way someone like him would date someone like her.”
“Oh, shit,” one of your brother’s muttered.
You clenched your jaw and kept your gaze focused anywhere but Steve. You couldn’t even argue with her. Every word she said was true. It took a moment for you to realize that Steve was standing beside you with his hand out. You frowned at him. “I think it’s time for us to leave, Y/N.”
“Of course,” you agreed automatically and stood. He was probably embarrassed beyond belief and you weren’t going to make him suffer any longer than necessary.
“Absolutely not. Sit. Down.” Your head jerked in your mother’s direction. “Your friend may leave if he wishes, but you’re not going anywhere until you apologize to your sister.”
“Karen, let it go,” came from your dad.
She ignored him and glared at you. “Apologize at once. Then you can apologize to your father and I for this farce.”
“Mom—” Adam started and you held up a hand to cut him off.
“Apologize to her? What the fuck for?”
“Y/N,” your father snapped.
You whipped around to face him. “What? Just sit there quietly like you always do. Like you did when Amanda quit the six-figure job she loved because it was expected. Or like you did when Adam knocked CiCi up Senior year and all mom was worried about was what your friends would think. Sorry Cici.”
She lifted her mimosa glass in a little toast. “Don’t mind me. This is the best brunch I’ve been to in years.”
“Cecilia, don’t encourage her,” your mother said.
You turned back to her. “Her name is CiCi. Your refusal to use it doesn’t make you cultured, it makes you rude. Just like your poking and prodding at Steve makes you rude. I don’t give a shit if he was a private fresh out of bootcamp with not a dime to his name, I’d still love him. Not that it’s any of your goddamn business.”
As you struggled to catch your breath, you realized what you’d just admitted to. Well, just add it to the embarrassment of the day. You might as well go all in while you were at it. “I thought if I brought him here, you’d back off. Just for the day.” Your voice was softer than it had been and an angry tear rolled down your cheek. Steve reached out and took your hand in his. “I should have known better. You just can’t stand for me to be happy even for a moment.”
“Well, you can forget coming to any family events until you find a way to apologize for this horrid display. I’m sure the children will miss you,” was your mother’s cold response.
The silence stretched as you realized not one word you said had been heard. Not by your mother or your sister at any rate.
“You heartless bitch,” came from the last person you expected and you turned to gape at Steve in surprise. His face was red and his jaw set in anger. Damn. This was probably the wrong time to be getting turned on.
“Excuse me?” your mother gasped.
At the same time your father said, “You can’t talk to my wife like that.”
“Watch me,” Steve snapped back. He pulled you closer to him and kept a firm hold on your hand. “I don’t know what game you’re playing at here, but it needs to end. Y/N is one of the kindest, most generous people I have ever met. She has literally helped save the world more than once and you’re treating her like she’s a nuisance or a pawn to control.”
“Now, just a—”
“I’m not finished. She has so much love to give. I know because I spent a great deal of time hoping to be the recipient of even a small part of it. And now you try to manipulate her using the love she has for her family? If there’s one thing today has made perfectly clear, you don’t deserve her.” He shifted to take in your brothers and their wives. All four of them were looking on in stunned silence. “And frankly, neither do any of you if you let her use you like this.”
Steve turned abruptly and pulled you through the house until the two of you were outside with the front door shut behind you. He took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I—”
You grabbed the front of his shirt and yanked him forward. Your lips crashed into his. It only took a moment for him to respond and as he kissed you back, his hands found your waist to pull you closer. When you finally separated to take a breath, he pressed his forehead to yours. “I’ve been wanting to do that for ages.”
“Me, too, Rogers. Thanks for sticking up for me.”
“That was…I don’t think I’ve ever been in a situation where I had to bite my tongue quite so many times. I just snapped.” He helped you into the car and shut the door for you. Once he was settled on his side, he turned to face you before starting the car. “Can I ask you a question?”
“After what you went through for me today you can ask me anything you want.”
“Did you mean it when you said you loved me or was that just part of the act?”
“I’m not that good of an actor,” you assured him before leaning toward him for another kiss. For once, you were happy you didn’t skip out on brunch.
#steve rogers x reader#steve rogers x you#avengers#avengers imagine#marvel#marvel imagine#steve rogers imagine#captain America x reader#captain America imagine
703 notes
·
View notes
Text
Having a lot of spare time because I'm jobless right now, made me looked back on how my career -if it is called that has been.
I am a nurse. I had my license after my first try in the Licensure exam. I was so optimistic about the career path I'll be taking. I love the profession and so even if I work as a volunteer in a hospital on our province, I'm cool with that. I felt happy. But as I go along, as our bills keep coming, and my siblings school expenses kept growing, I started to question my love of nursing.I needed a job that pay those expenses.
Me and my mom went to a relative to ask some help but I was rejected. It was my first and it cut deep. Maybe because I did not expect it to come from a relative, she's one of my mom's neice. I cried, I did not know how to hide my hurt feelings then and pretend it okay. I cried from their house until when we were traveling back to our place.when I already had it all out, I told my self not to ask anything from my relative anymore. I had been a beneficiary of my mom's sister kindness that she finance my studies which my relatives knew. But what happens is that the money I received from my aunt is also shared to my 2 other siblings so the family can meet the financial demand of our education. I had to conserve resources as possible. I got lucky coz I just borrowed my cousin's old Nursing books because not only that my allowance is not enough to buy a new one, and I also share it with my sister and brother. That even if I got a scholarship on my school, I'd say the money we had is just enough for going to school daily,for the tuition fees and for the supplies we need if we are to pass a certain projects.
Going back to that rejection scenario, After that incident, I had never been the same person I was.
I pushed my self to look for a job that could pay our bills.I had to take a different path that could generate an income and somehow help my parents make ends meet. I became a telephone operator/ nurse in a hotel nearby. It lasted for few months until I had again an opportunity to work as a nurse under a government health agency.but after a year, it ended and I was told I cannot renew until after few years to give chance to others, because during this time there is an oversupply of nurses in the Philippines.And so I looked for another job, aiming to go out of the country but end up in a BPO industryI remember sending 9 application fo 9 different nurse job opening and 1 BPO job and ends up receiving calls from the BPO vacancy. So there. I went for an interview with my mom waiting on the first floor of the building.she went with me because she said I might get lost. Nut maybe it's a ways of her saying she supports me. I remember telling the one who interview me that I need to survive so I need the job so i can finance my quest for an overseas opportunity as a nurse.
I got the job. I thought at first that it was just talking. But it was more than that. They had to made me speak a neutral accent,made me knowledgable about how the insurance work, how to review details on their concern as quickly as possible. I learned but it was not that easy as I thought it would. when I kinda get the hang of it ( but often days I just wanna hang my self coz the callers are frustrating hahahahahah) I started to look again for an agency that offers a nursing job.My nights were spent taking in calls and my mornings consist of submitting applications on agency that offers a nurse job overseas, taking initial interviews and only to be told,they'll just call. It has been like that for quite sometime then my spirit grow tired. I stopped and just focused on being an agent taking calls that somehow gave financial assistance to my family. After 2 years , I realized that I had to get back to my profession. So I started to check on job openings even as a nurse assistant but ends up getting rejected again.
After a good amount of bond paper, inks, sleepless days, thousands of walks I was able to sign a contract going to middle east. I worked as a nurse there for 3 years and 9 months. But I had to go back to the country because my family needs me. My dad get sick and my mom has been the only one looking after themselves. So there. I got back and looked for a job where I can work near them. I worked again under the government's health agency program and that lasted for about 8 months. And apparently renewal was not very visible for me and for rest of the employee of that certain office/post I'm in.
It's a series of getting a work not getting paid, landing a job but it's not what you study and love,securing a job you love but had a circumstance that made you choose between the job of the family you care for so much, getting a job but ends up after a few months and now your back to square 1.
It's just funny and kinda annoying to think that I feel that I had been struggling for it, others seem to have it easily. Pass the board, get a job, get paid, continue working. It like a calm river that flows abundantly.and mine was like a raging river and I am rafting through it. The raft has been turned upside down and took great effort from my wounded spirit to get it up to go on. I make progress but then got stucked again. Why does it come easy for other and not for me, am I missing something? Do I not deserve to experience a little comfort in life that runs long? Or maybe I am a vessel of jinx? Is it still worth it to continue to work as a nurse? I am using this to take a break to think this through and to somehow mend my weary mind, broken self confidence and sorrowed soul.
1 note
·
View note
Text
One Million In One Day | 8
GOT7
SugarDaddy!Jackson Wang x Reader + Park Jinyoung x Reader | Part 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 ?
Characters: GOT7
Summary: His mother’s final wish is to see him be happy in a relationship, knowing that Jackson would be fine when she left him. But, damn, he didn’t have time for relationships, especially not since he was busy running his father’s billion dollar empire, thus the compromise: you.
Word Count: 4k+
Warnings: Stalking, fighting, cursing, mentioning of illness, TYPOS, etc.
Preview | Alternate Moodboard | Chapter 8 Teaser
A/N: i made a moodboard for this chapter because i needed the will to keep going cough cough but made it into a teaser cuz i write slow
Yall this is also the longest chapter ive written for anything lololl
"Hey Jackson," I mutter and turn from the ice cream cone in my hand to his clear smooth face, "not to sound greedy-- purely out of curiosity and to prepare myself..."
Jackson looks at me, brown eyes widening in expectation.
"Am... I gonna get paid again?" I said speaking lowly at one particular word.
He gives me a blank expression, and I follow it up quickly, raising a hand, "Can I just... not?"
He lets out a sigh and shakes his head, "Baby," he cuts himself of by licking the dripping the melted ice cream on the side of his cone that was trickling its way down to his fingers. I found myself gulping. He takes a bite and turns back to me, "a deal's a deal. I don't want to come off as a cheat."
"No but you won't cause it's-it's my request!"
He thinks as he eats his dessert. I purse my lips, "I honestly don't know what to do with it anymore. I paid my loads, have a whole new wardrobe and a whole fridge of food. I even payed my rent for the rest of the year and that still wasn't enough to get rid of it all. I had to get my friend help me burn the money and keep my sanity in check. I bought him a laptop and everything."
"Oh," Jackson pulls his head back and knits his brows, "you told Jinyoung?"
"What?" Part of me panics when I hear him say that name.
Once the question registers in my head I shake my hands, "No, no, no. I told Mark, my other friend. And well, my roommate Nari, because there is no way she wouldn't find out about it anyway." I turn to Jackson and finish the rest of my ice cream. "You remember her, Nari? She was with me, uhm, when I was fitting that green dress."
Jackson's poker face shifts into a smile, "Ahhhh, yeah."
For a moment, we finish off eating and throw away our trash without words.
"Who else did you tell?"
I turn to Jackson who starts walking off again. I follow after him and purse my lips in realization of what he could possibly be insinuating, "Oh, uhm, just them. And I may tell Jinyoung after this. Am... am I not supposed to? I mean I didn't really-- they don't... I trust them..."
Jackson shakes his head and breaks into a nervous laugh, "No. No. It's just... no offence, I don't doubt the fact that they can't use this against me. It's just," he chuckles, "usually the fake dating goes both ways. I dunno, it's a first that I don't have to worry about seeing your family too."
I can't help but break out in a laugh, "yikes. Sounds like a nightmare."
"Gosh, you have no clue."
We trail off for a while. I break the silence this time, "So... do we have a deal?"
Jackson turns to me and lets out a breath, "Oh no, absolutely not."
I do a double take and pull my had back, "What?"
"Hearing myself say that aloud makes me realize how unfair this arrangement is to you. And it's making me feel uneasy, like I want to punch myself." He knits his brows and stuffs his hands in his pockets, "you have go around meeting all these people in environments you're not used to, in clothes that aren't yours," he lifts his thumb and point behind him with it, "having strange men follow you around." He releases a breath and turns to me, "and all you get out of that is paper."
I can't help but frown at his conclusion. It was plain to see how opposite our worlds were, with the mere way we value money. It made me feel lucky, honestly, that even though I wasn't rich, I had friends and family, their love around me, something this lonely billionaire evidently lacked.
"Listen, sweetheart. I don't mean to make you feel bad because of this, but, you have a lot of money, I don't. I don't have the need to focus on a massive business and to hear people around me nag about my love life, you do. The other gives what is needed and takes what the other has in excess. I don't know about you, but that seems like an awfully beneficial deal to me."
Jackson snickers after I spoke, "smart."
I smile upon hearing that.
"One of the things I like about you."
Wh- one of the things he--
"Alright Ms. Business Major. I see you learning in your classes."
I release a laugh at that and so does he. "But if anything, sweetheart," he stresses and leans down. I feel my neck and ears burn, "what? You can call me baby, but I can't call you sweetheart?"
He laughs, "No, no, it's cute. Please do." He turns his gaze forward, "this just further proves that I need to take care of you in the only way I can."
I groan and screw my eyes shut, "Jacksoooon." And here I was thinking that I actually got through to him.
"Ya. Why are you so rude? Are we same age?" He playfully glares and barks, "Oppa. Oppa."
I groan again and glare at him, "Oppa!"
He smiles and nods, "That's better."
I whine and stomp my feet, "Ahh! But I don't need it! I still have job!"
"What?" Jackson snaps, "you haven't quit your job?"
"Uh, no duh? How else am I gonna get pocket money?" I say, knowing he'd understand the fact that not everyone accepts a black card. Also, it was empty.
"The how'd you pay for your taxi?"
"I borrowed money from Mark."
Jackson's eyes blew in shock. He mumbles lowly and raises his hands, "my sugar baby needs a part-time job and borrows money."
"Okay, listen," he starts, tapping his chest with his finger tips, "just let me do my thing." He, out of the blue, takes my hand and we continue walking. "I have to go back to work after this, but later I'll come pick you up because you need to meet my mom."
I nod slowly up heaing this, "Oh."
"And clearly now, you've made me realize this is two dates-"
"Jackson-"
"-shut up or I'll kiss you."
My jaw is left hanging.
Jackson turns to me and holds back a laugh, lips curling into a smirk.
"As I was saying, you have also pointed out that I really haven't being fair to you. Up, up, up-" he raises a hand and cuts me of before I could even begin. He lets go of my hand and links my arm with his. "Right. So, I've been used to having arrangements with women with excessive tastes that can blow off a million in one day. And more, who am I kidding. Which is why," he turns to me.
I turn to him and he smiles, "I'm letting you cash out."
"Cash... hold on, wha-- cash out?"
Jackson seems confused and knits his brows for a second, and then bursts into laughter when he realizes, "Oh, no. Not like end this. No way! I still need you." He tugs on my arm and pulls it to his chest, embracing it as if he meant it personally.
He giggles, "I mean like, I'll let you withdraw money."
I gasp and turn to him, "Oh my gosh, really?!"
"Yeah," he nods, "I mean you can only withdraw anything from that one bank, but yeah. You deserve that at least."
"Oh my gosh thank you!" I grin and pull away from him, only to be able to hug him tightly. I hold him for a few seconds and smile brightly when I let him go, "I could send my parents money. I could-- I could-- WOW!"
Jackson breaks into laughter.
"Okay, now, come on, I'll drive you home."
With that, Jackson and I retrace our steps and find our way back to the car. The men following us seem to have gone away, to which I am relieved. We walk hand in hand, and he's doing all the talking. I watch as he laughs and wonder how he could talk about such stories, like getting his foot stuck in the toilet one time when he was younger, and still look so poised and handsome.
Jackson is playful all the way to my apartment. It made me happy, as I remember the last time I drove with him, back when we went to a party, he was pretty glum.
"You shouldn't let them get to you too much, Jackson." I speak up after our conversation about whatever popped up into our heads.
Jackson knits his brows and spares me a glance, "What do you mean?"
"Remember last time, after going to the party? You were pretty quiet, and it was kinda concerning."
He doesn't reply for a moment. When he does, he speaks half-playfully, "you're concerned about me?"
"No duh, Wang-Wang. You've been nothing but kind to me, and I'm the type to take care and check up on my friends."
He nods his head, "Well... thank you for... the concern, but that wasn't why I was quiet on pur drive back. I couldn't give two shits about whatever those rich bozos think. I just want them out of my business, babe."
I knit my brows, "Huh. Then why were you?"
Jackson chuckles and pulls on the collar of his top. "It's kinda complicated.” He turns to me, then back to the road to chuckle, “To a point where I'm not even really sure yet about it. But, uh, for what it's worth, if I figure it out, I'll tell you."
I hum, "well, are you sure you can figure it out by yourself? Sometimes all it tales is to say it aloud, y'know."
Jackson turns to me and offers a smile, "I know. But I don't want this to become real, and I'm pretty sure if I say it aloud, it will."
"Oh... well, I get that."
Soon after, we arrived at my place. I turned to give Jackson a smile goodbye, but I was shocked when he moved in to give my cheek a kiss. He pressed his lips against skin, and I immediately felt the area burn, as if he was scorching hot. I’m glad I didn’t move yet, cause if I had moved any sooner, Jackson and I would've had to a disastrous lip lock--or teeth lock at that..
"Thank you for today," he says simply, close to my ear. I could smell his cologne.
My cheeks burn. Once he pulls away, I turn and gape at him for a second, "shouldn't I be the one saying that?"
He purses his lips and chuckles, "Not at all."
For a moment, I just sit there, not knowing where to look and where to place my hands. Jackson smiles, and proceeds to cackle. It’s pretty obvious that he is pleased with how obviously I'm affected.
I feel my face redden, but I can't help myself and growl. I shove him and glare, "Next time, a little warning will suffice."
The man across me seems baffled by my action and tenses up only to burst out laughing all giddy "Mianheeee."
He shuffles in his seat, “Before you go,” and pulls out his wallet, “here... pocket money.”
He pulls out all the cash in his wallet and my eyes widen. I raise my brows, “That won’t be necessary, oppa.”
He shoots me a look and grabs my hand, “Oppa thinks otherwise.”
“But you’ll be paying me later!” I protest, trying my best to to actually grab hold of the money. “You’re even going to let me cash out, so this is all unnecessary.”
Jackson huffed, “Consider this as a bonus.”
“I don’t want a bonus!”
“Well, you either take it... or... or else I won’t talk to you again.”
For a moment, I look at him with a dumbfounded expression. I ask, “You do know that is worse for you than it is for me right!”
“Ugh! Just take it! I don’t have any leverage! I never thought I’d ever have to force someone to get my money.” Jackson whines and shakes his body in annoyance. “Just take it!” he groans, “It’s not like it’s a bribe. Just use it to pay Mark.”
“That is way too--”
“TAKE IT!” he screams, successfully planting the money in my hand, as his shout took me off guard. I awkwardly look around and Jackson shakes his head expectantly. I purse my lips and fold the paper, shoving it to my pockets.
Jackson smiles in content and pats my head. I scoff. I proceed then to remove my seat belt.
He watches as I do so and then asks, "You want me to walk you?"
I shake my head, "Oh, no need. I can manage."
“You sure?”
I turn to him and nod, “I’m sure, Jackson.”
“Jackson oppa.”
I roll my eyes, “I never should’ve voluntarily called you that.”
He chuckles.
I exit the car and wave him off dismissively the moment I'm out. He waves goodbye and drives away.
By the time he's gone, Nari is running towards me like the fumbling mess she is. "Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, was that him?! I can't believe I missed him! GASH!"
I scowl at Nari and nudge her, "stop being such a loud mouth."
She huffs and turns to me, hands on her waist, "You have no clue how jelly I am."
I roll my eyes and walk inside. She follows quickly, "What are you gonna do about Jinyoung?"
I whip my head to her, "What about Jinyoung, Nari?"
"I mean, you have Jackson now! Jinyoung deserves to know."
"You say this, as if I like Jackson."
Nari looks mortified, "Bitch don't tell me you're gonna be like one of those dumb protagonists that's in denial and then has their world comes crashing down around them."
I scoff, "No, Nari, because I don't like Jackson-"
"bITCH-"
"-I like Jinyoung."
"... ...ohmygosh, did you actually say that aloud?"
I dismiss her, but her squealing and iron grip prevent me from getting away. "EEEEEK I KNEWITIKNEWITIKNEWITIKNEWITTTTTTTTT!"
"Shut up! You're gonna wake the dead," I hiss and cover her mouth, "Or even worse, Mrs. Kim. "
Literally, the moment I said that, there was a yapping old woman resounding curse words against the wall. Nari and I scrambled to hide from her wrath.
"YOU FUCKING KIDS, I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP WHEN JEOPARDY IS ON!"
Alright. Yes. We managed to survive the terror in apartment 16, which was why I managed to brush up on my studies and the drama I had in the sidelines waiting for me.
I leaned back in my cozy attire, with shorts and hoodie, stuffing popcorn in my face as Lee Minho beat Kim Woobin up, and vice versa.
I don't mean to sound like a brag, but damn, there really is a difference with the cheap cotton shorts and these freakin 10,000 dollar ones. Would I ever recommend these to a friend? Helllll no, but damn they're realllly soft.
"Moron your phone is blowing up in your room," Nari screams from her own room. I scramble to my feet, shit is that Jackson?
I push my popcorn off and run to my room. I see there's ten messages from Mark. I knit my brows.
STFU MARK: ok so i went to jinyoungs place
STFU MARK: i mean like at his job and the place is super packed and he looks super miserable i feel so bad i wanna help him woth the register
STFU MARK: Where are you even???? I swung by your place
STFU MARK: LOL RIGHT UR SUGAR BOYFI IS UR WITH HAHAHAH
STFU MARK: man this lady ordered ten burgers and i wish i could do that on the regular
STFU MARK: ok imma talk to jinyoung and order lunch too i hope he doesnt kill me cos if he does he'll lose his job too and i dont want that
STFU MARK: OKAY HE TOOK MY ORDER AND PRETENDED I WAS NO ONE BUT A CUSTOMER I DIE WHAT DID WE DO
STFU MARK: HE EVEN SMILED AT ME LIKE AN ACTUAL GENUINE PERSON HE LOOKS SO TIRED I FEEL SP BAD HELP MEEEEE GET OUT OF YOUR DATE RIGHT NOW
STFU MARK: ...... r u hetting paid again omg???? Also jinyoung wouldnt poison my food right
STFU MARK: I WANTED TO TALK TO JINYOUNG COS IT LOOKED LIKE HE WAS GONNA CLOCK OUT BUT YUGYEOM TOLD ME TO SCRAM WHAT IS THIS HE SAID JINYOUNG IS SUPER TIRED AND NOT IN THE MOOD
I wipe my forehead and cuss.
I give a quick reply to Mark, saying that I'll try to contact him. I then proceed to call Jinyoung. I call him five times before giving up and sending a text.
I open my conversation with Jinyoung and send three messages.
Me: Jinyoung
Me: i know like im legitimately dumb for not knowing what angered you, but mark and i arent mind readers
Me: please call me back and tell me whats wrong
I sigh and pull my phone to my chest. I walk back out to continue watching my show. My heart leaps out of my chest and I squeak when my phone starts vibrating. I smile widely when I realize it's Jinyoung calling. Except it's not. It's Jackson. He's gonna pick me up.
---
My feet is clad with a golden pump. My dress is cascading with hundreds of delicate white beads upon bright violet fabric. I feel like a dewy star with the glowy makeup all over my skin. My hair is pulled back to make room for a crown-like headband and curled perfectly behind me.
While Hani did my makeup, part of me wondered why I looked so dressed up, when, as far as I knew, I would only be meeting with Jackson's mom. But then I realized it was Jackson's mom; she was probably born drenched in gold. This probably looks pathetic to her.
Hani was so kind and so enthusiastic as per usual, and she made me look like a princess with her magical touch.
We didn't take as long as I hoped we would, for now I am holding onto Jackson's hand as we walk down this large lawn, lit with garden lights and lights from fountains. The sun had just set, and so the residual sunshine in the sky made it look both orange and lilac. On my other hand, I held a bouquet of violet flowers that strangely reminded me of the day I met Jackson.
As we drove here, I thought at first we were going to Jackson's house, or his parents, but as it turns, her mother is checked into some extra hotel.
Automatic doors opened, and a beefy but kind looking security guard greeted us, and Jackson by his name.
The place reeked the finesse of a museum. It was so large and spacious that I started thinking maybe it was a hidden museum of some sort. The minimal pieces of art make me think otherwise.
There were very few people going about, and most of them were wearing white.
I fell conscious after. Was this hotel themed in white? I moved closer to Jackson. The echoing of my heels against the marble floors only magnified my fumbling mind. Okay... maybe this wasn’t a hotel.
We walked and walked down this seemingly never ending hall, up until we reached room 19.
Jackson released my hand and turned to me. Clearing his throat, he asked, "How do I look?"
He looked like a billionaire. His body was given complete justice in his velvet suit that matched the color of my violet dress. His shoes were shiner than my future. His skin was more flawless than my grades. Jackson looked like he always did, handsome and charming. But his big brown eye seemed nervous.
"You look amazing, like always," I offer with a smile.
Jackson lets put a soft sigh, "I'm glad you think I always look amazing."
I nod at him, not because I agreed but because he seemed like he had something much more to say. Though he was trying to play off this worry by joking, it was too clear he was worried.
He inhales sharply. "You may hate me for not telling you sooner, but..." Jackson points to the door of room 19 and screws his eyes shut.
I bit my lower lip and think about what Jackson could tell me next. He was agitated. This place makes him agitated. Well, everyone here is wearing white. Everything is quiet and spacious. His mom was staying here. I don’t think it’s a hotel anymore. Was this a spa? A wellness center?
... or was this a clinic? A hospital?
Why didn’t I just ask?
"The main reason why... I hired you is because of my mom." Jackson turns to his side then back to me, "She's... not doing so great. Not in a long time."
My jaw slacks once I realize my guess was right, "Your mom is sick?"
He sighs, "terminally ill if you need the right term."
"And... you want her to think... we're together?"
Jackson purses his lips, "It's all she wants from me now.”
A shiver runs down my spine. I clench my bouquet. Part of me can't help but feel betrayed. He had all these chances from then til now to speak up but he was nothing but silent. All Jackson told me I was here to push away his nosy relatives. I huff in frustration. Really though I was here to lie to a dying lady.
I scoff at my own thoughts.
That very thought made my heart clench.
How hard must it be for Jackson to talk about this?
I want to wipe my face so badly, but I didn't want to ruin Hani's hard work.
"How could you only tell me this now?!" I heave sharply. "Do you know how wrong and messed up this is?"
"I know, I know," Jackson sighs. He takes a step forward and grabs both my hands, pushing the bouquet in the middle, "but please, you're my only hope. You're the only woman I've ever brought to my mom." He closes his eyes and raises his hands, shaking it around, "It's not as bad as it is. I made her think that I'm still pursuing you and so you're not really my girlfriend."
I knit my brows at that. Jackson steps even closer, "then I'll say it didn't work out because you like Jinyoung from..." he thinks and scoffs, "your Algebra--business math class."
His mention of Jinyoung makes me chest contract. I look at our hands then Jackson's expression. The flowers seemed a lot less pretty to me now. I wonder what they think about my predicament.
"Please, you are honestly innocent in all this. No matter what happens it's on me. Please. My mother doesn't get to meet new people. You won't even have to say anything, I'll do all the talking."
I want to throw the flowers at him and run away. But I don't.
I want to tell him all the reasons why this so called solution of his isn't a solution. But I don't.
I want to offer his comfort and give him another way. But I can't, cause it would take too much time and the clock, I can feel it ticking.
So what I do say is, "alright."
Jackson's face brightens. He repeats, "Alright," and with that wastes not time in going inside.
"Finally!" a voice exclaims into the high ceiling. There is a large bed with a woman in the center. “I thought you’d never come.”
Jackson, hand holding mine, walked towards the woman and smiled, “Mama. I’m sorry we’re late.”
Once we’re close enough, Jackson lets go of me to hug and kiss the woman on the cheek. I was close enough to see how pale and dry her skin was. She was thin and had her thin hair combed behind her. It was plain to see that she really was sick. But the way she smiled and greeted her son, made you think otherwise.
Jackson pulls away and turns to me. Her mother does the same. I take this moment to give her the flowers, “Mrs. Wang.”
“Oh, are these for me? Thank you so much, darling.” She smiles ear to ear and gets the bouquet from me. “You may be wondering why you were forced into violet. Well, it’s my favorite color.”
I nod, “Jackson told me that.” At the very least.
“Have you eaten, mama?” Jackson asks as he sits next to his mother.
“You silly boy. You know I don’t have an appetite at night.”
Jackson narrows his eyes and shakes his head, “Mama... the nurses told me you had an apple for lunch.
“Kure, an apple a day keeps the doctor away,” she speaks in a light tone. Jackson breathes in heavily, clenching his jaw. He looks like he wants to go off, but at the same time, he looks really tired, like he doesn’t want to have this conversation again. And so I frown deeply.
“Mrs. Wang, you should really eat more than that... Jackson is really worried about you.” I speak for the upset man.
His mother turns to me and beams, “Ya, has Jackson been talking about me. That’s a first. Honestly, I still can’t believe your here! My Jackson always claims to have a girlfriend, but this time around... he really does.”
“Mama... she’s not my girlfriend, I told you.”
“Aiya!” she says, “you should try harder, then!” The woman gives her son a scolding look, then turns to me in a completely different manner, “Mianhe... ... My brother told me he had his men follow you to see how real you are just earlier today. I’m really sorry about that.”
“Mama,” Jackson says slowly.
She tuts her son. With a breath, she looks at me, “Oh, why are you still standing, please sit on my bed. It’s quite big enough for all three of us.”
With this I smile, nod, and sit down. She then slides to the far left side of the bed, where Jackson sat facing me. Mrs. Wang pulls me by my arm, and so I hop over to come closer to her.
Her hand is still on my arm when she pouts into a pleased smile, “You are far more beautiful than Jackson let on.”
My brows raise and my lips pull into an awkward smile. I nervously laugh and shake my head. She shakes her head too, “He won’t shut up about you!”
“Mama,” Jackson says, placing his hand on his mothers, releasing her grip from me, “That’s because you keep asking me about her.”
“Well how can I not, child! The most exciting thing that happens around here is when a new patient comes along and that’s horrible to think of considering this place is a hospital.”
Jackson once again feels and looks so defeated.
“Mrs. Wang,” I say to divert her attention.
“Oh, please, call me Mama. All of Jackson’s friends do that.”
I clear my throat and turn to Jackson for a split second. Nevertheless, I obey, “Mama... do you happen to watch k-dramas?”
Both Wangs seem to be surprised by my sudden question.
“Why of course! What else am I to do but watch all those dramas?” she chuckles.
“Did you happen to watch The Heirs?”
She gasps, “Of course I did! Lee Minho and--”
“Kim Woobin!” I squeal. “Ooooh, he is so good looking and I wanted him to get the girl so bad!!!!!”
Jackson pulls his head back at my words. Da hell is Kim Woobin? His mother laughs in glee. Once she catches he breath, she begins to fuel our talk. From then on, we begin our long conversation about wanting ‘the other’ love interest get the girl in the story. It escalates and the next thing Jackson knows he’s no longer part of the conversation, nor existent in the room.
He watches as the two women interact and laugh, making his heart clench. Mama had neither been this talkative nor cheery since Bambam visited and got drunk on champagne, and that was months ago.
I throw my head back in laughter. Jackson can’t help but laugh as well, even though he honestly didn’t follow the conversation anymore.
Mrs. Wang turns to his son and smiles, seeing how concentrated he was in the one thing in the room. She nudges him, and Jackson panics, turning to his mother with wide eyes.
Catching this, I settle down and turn to Jackson’s nervous expression. His mother breaks into a soft laugh. I knit my brows, “What happened?”
Jackson turns to me then to his mom. The latter speaks up, “Oh. Jackson’s just really lucky to have you that’s all.”
Part of me expected Jackson to whine in protest again. But when there’s only silence among us, I feel awkwardness envelope me.
Mrs. Wang coos and caresses her son’s cheeks, “Your handsomeness won’t be put to waste.” She then turns to me and pinches my cheeks, “You’ll have beautiful children.”
My cheeks immediately burn upon hearing this.
Jackson breath hitches when he sees my reaction. I turn to him and gives me an awkward smile.
Jackson scratches he back of his nape when it dawns to him that he is utterly fucked. Why? Because he likes the idea his mom presented. The man mutters a curse word under his breath and stands, “How about we get some food, yeah?”
37 notes
·
View notes
Text
Subtext and Culture, Season 1, Episode 2
Subtext: Eva is straight up lying to her mom about still being friends with Ingrid and Sara. She’s not going to Ingrid’s cabin, she’s going to Jonas’ cabin. She’d rather take the bus, because if her mom were to drive her, her mom would find out, and Eva isn’t ready yet to tell her mom that she’s with Jonas.
Eva’s mom is completely oblivious to the fact that Eva has had a falling out with Ingrid and Sara since a few months back, but this dialogue also shows that Eva’s mom is currently on a business trip to Switzerland, that she’s frequently gone, and that she’s an absent parent. That she offers to wire Eva some extra money is a typical way for absent parents to assuage their guilt about it.
Culture: The Cabin™ is ubiquitous in Norway, and over half the population have access to one. It’s a way to get away from your regular home in the cities and get closer to nature on your vacation. This particular cabin is owned by Jonas’ family, and he has simply borrowed it for this autumn break. That a 16yo kid borrows the family cabin to stay there for a week with friends, completely without parental supervision, is considered perfectly normal. The episode shows them doing their own cooking several times, and the social media had images of Isak and Jonas doing the dishes by hand.
Blink and you miss it: Eva and Jonas have identical iPhone 5′s, so it’s a complete accident that Eva is grabbing Jonas’ phone to check the time, but one that leads to her seeing a notification from Ingrid.
Subtext: Jonas does eventually play “I’m Yours” as Isak requested, even though it’s a “gay song”, making Isak really happy, neatly foreshadowing Isak’s character arc.
Blink and you miss it: Eva is reading Egalia’s Daughters by Gerd Brantenberg, a landmark piece of Norwegian feminist literature. Ironically, Eva doesn’t know who Norway’s first female prime minister was, though.
Culture: Norway’s first female prime minister was Gro Harlem Brundtland, in 1981. You’re welcome.
Subtext: My Ship Is Loaded is a simple game where the objective is to take turns and say things that all begin with the same letter, and you’re not allowed to say the same thing twice. That Jonas chooses to say his ship is loaded with Erna Solberg is an obvious losing move, and a dig at Eva’s lack of knowledge. He’s trying to get out of the uncomfortable conversation Eva wants to have by attacking her instead. When that doesn’t work, he changes his ship to insects instead, trying to get out of he conversation by pretending Eva didn’t bring up Ingrid. Isak quickly follows Jonas with his own ship loaded with ice cream, because he also wants to stop the confrontation from happening.
Not lost in translation: It’s a lucky coincidence that the Norwegian words for both insects and ice cream start with an ‘i’.
Subtext: The jam session between Elias and Jonas is awful and out-of-tune, in contrast to the one Isak and Jonas had earlier when Elias wasn’t there. Everyone is fighting for Jonas’ attention, and even though Isak liked the situation at first when he was winning against Eva, both him and Eva are now sharing the misery of having lost against Elias.
Blink and you miss it: Isak sets the table, badly. So badly that Eva has to fix it later, adding to her anger at the boys missing dinner.
Culture: All college prep students have to take a third language, but since everyone in a class usually chooses different languages, you have those subjects with students from other classes. Even though Jonas is in the same regular class as Eva and Isak, he’s having French with the students from his class, and from Ingrid’s class, that chose French. So it’s very plausible that he would talk to Ingrid about French homework instead of Eva or Isak.
Eva picked Spanish, and since we never see Isak in Spanish class with Eva and Noora, it’s very likely that he picked German.
Blink and you miss it: Jonas has French homework, making it very likely that Eva has Spanish homework over the break.
59 notes
·
View notes
Text
Let’s start with what’s happened since I’ve been 10 years old. My mom in total has three kids including me. The first child she had after me came when I was ten years old his father lived with us at the time. I remember having friends and a childhood. I was able to go out and I was a straight A student.
Fast forward two years, my mom gets preganant again, but this time her boyfriend the father to both my brothers leaves. Now he ain’t leave my mom but he probably should have. He went upstate to “find us a home”. She had the baby and he was no where to be seen for the first three months. I gave up my education and friends to help her with the kids while she made money.
I wasn’t allowed out anymore cause I was always babysitting. I started falling asleep in class cause I was up all night. She started borrowing my money my father gave me over and over again. And every single time she’s get angry at her man she’s take it out on me with yelling. It was always how I’m always asleep and never watch the kids or I don’t do shit for her. She still says this.
The reason I bring this up is because I’m 18 years old and I gave up on college because my mom needed me again. I got a job because she asked me too which she claims was so I could keep my health insurance because I had braces. My braces are long gone and I don’t plan on getting them back.
I worked for a month before quitting because I hated the job. I hated working and being told I could use my own money that we needed it for food and the light bill. I hated that welfare said I made enough money to support a family that wasn’t mine. I hated being overworked and looked down upon by my coworkers and bosses.
I don’t like being looked down on. I don’t like being “put in my place” and I especially don’t like being treated like a fucking idiot. So I quit my job this way my mom couldn’t control a income that didn’t exist. But now she brings up moving all the time and it always comes down to me and how I need a job so she has an income.
It’s never her getting a job. It’s always me. Then she goes on and on about how she helps me when I’ve been the backbone of this fucking family since I was 10. Getting straight A’s as I feel asleep in class. I had understanding teachers who cared and I was very lucky.
But you wanna know what truly changed the way I looked at my mom. When I was working because she asked me after I gave up on ever have a future because she asked me to and she threw me out of the house after welfare cut her off based on my income.
Now she’s pregnant again and she expects me to get a job to support her family. I just want to make YouTube videos and write books. I wanna go to college and not have to worry about a light bill or fucking baby formula.
I wanna be able to go buy Starbucks without hearing how I can’t spend my mom cause “we” have bills. I don’t know about you but what 10 year old has bills. My mom has ruined my life over and over again.
I take full responsibility for allowing her to do so and no matter what anyone says I know I could’ve said no, but I remember being 7 years old with no father and a mom who partied too much. I remember having aunts to go to play with and show my school work too.
And I know how she gets when she’s angry and she mainly takes it out on me. So I stay because those kids they don’t deserve to be five years old hiding under a blanket wishing to die because mommy didn’t care enough about me.
They don’t deserve to be 7 years old pressing a knife against their wrist as they pray for the will power to go through with it. They don’t deserve a parent who instead of getting you therapy makes jokes about your weight and tells you she’ll help you kill yourself.
They deserve the supportive parent I didn’t truly get. No I got my grandfather who I love more than anything in world who helped me make my school projects and I got my acholic grandmother who sang to me and watched movies with me.
I got the two best parents a girl could ask for because they didn’t judge me. They listened and laughed at the right times. And my grandmother never made me feel ugly or as if my depression was just something I made up.
I see the signs in my brothers when their angry and I pull their fist away from them as they try to hurt themselves. I don’t want the same mental health future for them that I got. Hell I would cry in the bathroom at work. I was so overwhelmed.
I don’t think people understand me very well and writing truly calms me most times allowing me to express myself. But still people don’t get it. I’m crying as I type this because this opens wounds for me I would hope to forget.
My mom is at welfare right now she should be taking me off her case so she can leave me alone but she refuses claiming it’s because I need health insurance she won’t let me use for therapy. I want to be free of her and sometimes I want to literally just runaway and never look back. And if I could I would.
I think the minute I go I’m gone for good.
2 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
feydpauls
desert dreams
bikerfromthevoid
Vynnie Nightshatter
hanjis-sister
A Song rises from the East