Hello hello! (Introduction, Rules, and FAQ)

This blog is heavily inspired by the @foundfamilyadoptionagency :) since they don’t allow ocs, I thought i’d make this blog!

This is the Original Character found family! Submit your OCs, and let the people of tumblr decide whether or not they should join the official (not actually official) found family of ocs.

Submit your ocs in the form below!

Rules:

1: Of course, no non-ocs. Go to the blog I linked at the top if you wish to submit characters from series’ you like!

2: No OCs created using AI “art” tools, I think this one is obvious as to why I don’t like it.

3: OCs who are based in pre-existing universes/Fandom OCs are allowed! Just. No Harry Potter. Okay?

4: Please do not submit OCs you didn’t create, unless you have permission from their creator

5: In addition to that, please do not use images of your OCs you didn’t create without permission! That goes for stuff like bases aswell. I am hesitantly allowing characters whos images were created in games (Eg. Roblox, Dress-Up Games) but this may change later.

6: Don’t make fun of others OCs, please. Someone put time and effort into those! :( Anti-propaganda is allowed, but only to counter the actual propaganda. Nothing about how an OC looks, please.

(Not-So) Frequently Asked Questions:

“How will this work?”

A post with the name of the OC alongside an image of them (if submitted) alongside a poll asking whether or not they should be adopted will be posted. Below the posts “Read More” cut, there will be propaganda (a reason or two why they should be let into the family) to entice you to choose the “Adopt” option.

“What even is a found family?”

To quote @foundfamilyadoptionagency, “A found family is a family you find for yourself. It is a term often used in fandom to describe a group of characters who aren't related by blood (although a few members might be) but have come to think of each other as a family through circumstance. Alternatively, they might not be officially recognised as a found family in canon, but wider fanon regards them as such”

“Is this a tournament bracket of sorts?”

Nope, not at all. Besides, everyone’s OCs are cool and it’d be sad if one lost to another :(

“I don’t have an image of my OC, what’s gonna happen?”

I’ll post the poll still, although without an image or with a placeholder one. For cases like these, you might wanna add some propaganda. I don’t think a name will be enough to entice a good chunk of people.

”I’ve submitted my OC, but they haven’t been submitted yet. Have you recieved them?”

Send me an ask! Chances are i’ve recieved them, and just haven’t gotten around to posting them yet, but if you’re worried, send me an ask!

“My OCs are in a group that cannot be seperated, do I submit them as a group?”

Although i’d prefer submissions of only one character at a time, if your OCs cannot be seperated, then you can submit them as a group. You know your OCs better than anyone else, after all!

“Who’s that in your profile picture? What’s your banner?”

The character in my profile picture is Poppyseed, the first character to have their poll posted, and also one of the OCs of this blog’s runner, @rubysundaey! My banner is just some silly little cat with the caption of “girl blogging” because I didn’t know what to put, and that’s how I feel whenever I post on this site

“My OC got ditched, will they have a chance to rejoin?”

Of course! Just like the blog this is based off of, I am hoping that eventually I can do a reassesment event, where i’ll bring back some OCs that got ditched and see if the people’s opinions have changed.

“This is an Ikea, why are you telling me this?”

I don’t know, i’m bored. Where’s that funny shark plush guy

Places to find me:

Heyo!  In light of tumblr’s recent fuckery (and now that I actually have time to address it), I figured it would be good to put this info out there.  (I mean it’s already readily available in my little blog profile, but if you only see me on your dash, it’s easy to miss.)  So:

DW: https://konstantya.dreamwidth.org/ AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Konstantya FF.net (yes, I’m still there XP): https://www.fanfiction.net/u/486109/Konstantya

As you can see, I’m available multiple places, all with the same username.

Now.  For some personal ramblings:

As I’ve mentioned a little in my recent tags, basically, if this recent turn of events means tumblr is going to die, I am honestly ready to let it die.  I was never the biggest fan of the platform in general, and in the past year or so especially I’ve really cut down on my usage of the site, because I realized I just didn’t need the...mental clutter, you might say?  Like, yeah, this is a neat picture, but do I really need to reblog it?  I can probably count on one hand the number of times I’ve actually gone back and taken a look at my “architecture” tag, for instance.  I originally came here for “fic rambles” (well, and because fandom in general--and especially the fandom I was really into at the time--moved here)--so I could have some place to (essentially) shitpost about characters and stories I was writing.  Due to the nature of the platform, though (and my own progressive lack of writing time), my blog has become more of a general fandom/aesthetic blog.  Which is fun in its way, and I’ve met some great people here, but it’s just a lot of STUFF.  And with every reblog, it’s just MORE STUFF, piling up, and it’s just gotten to the point where--even before this all went down--I seriously considered doing some digital housecleaning.  But I’ve been here since 2011 (literally, almost exactly seven years, as I signed up in early December), I have 777 pages worth of posts, and that is daunting to sort through.  Daunting enough that I considered not even backing up my blog, reasoning that if I haven’t looked back through these posts in however-many months, they probably aren’t worth hanging onto.

Alas, there are some posts I go back to (the ones in my “music” tag, for instance), so I have set about backing up my blog.  (My main one, at least.  I do have that secondary Texts From Escaflowne blog, which I may or may not back up, but even if I don’t, I still have all the image files on my hard drive, and wouldn’t be opposed to dumping them on some other site in the future.)  But anyway, yeah, I’m backing it up, and we’ll see if I ever get the motivation to actually sort through all the shit I’ve collected and posted over the years, pfft.

For now, though, I’m hanging around, if only to see how this all goes down and where people all move to.  Personally, I would LOVE it if fandom moved to DW.  I really came into fandom during the LJ era, and DW is basically all the good parts of LJ--what LJ used to be, with a staff that actually listens and responds to users.  I’ve had an account there since 2011, and while it’s mostly a back-up fic archive these days (because as other posts have mentioned, it isn’t good to keep all your eggs in one basket), I would LOVE an excuse to hang out there more often.  And while there was uncertainty about the platform back then (“will it stick around???”), it’s no longer the new kid in town; it’s stuck around and it’s survived, whereas other LJ clones have perished.

tl;dr:  I have a DW, have had it for years, and would highly recommend it.  (And yes, it will take some getting used to if tumblr is what you know and are comfortable with, but any platform is going to be different; I don’t like change any more than you, but sometimes you gotta put on your big-person pants and just deal with it.)  Furthermore, if you do make a DW account and we’re friends here, friend me over there!  My biggest concern regarding tumblr’s recent bullshit is that I’ll lose contact with the people I’ve met here.  (I mean, true, I know where I can find most of my mutuals if I somehow get deleted or the site in general suddenly goes belly-up, but still.  Easier to find someone because they knocked on your door, rather than having to hire a private investigator to track them down or whatever.  :/ )

Paparazzi.

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x F!Reader

Genre: Fluff, Angst

Warnings: TOO META, m*sturbation, mentions of s*x

Requested: nope

Summary: I'm your biggest fan, I'll follow you until you love me... Y/N Y/L/N writes Marvel fanfictions. One day, Sebastian stumbles upon her account and, unable to help himself, reads all the stuff she has written about him. He didn't mean to fall so hard for her but he does. How can he not? She has shown him parts of himself that he never even knew existed.

Author's Note: Hiya peeps! Okay so a few weeks ago I read a similar (but dark) fanfic and I really wanted to write a softer version of it... Enjoy!

---

Same old, boring routine.

Y/N hit post and slumped against the headrest of her bed, sighing. She waited; a minute, then two passed and she noticed that someone had liked her post. She smiled to herself as she kept her phone away. Though boring, she wouldn't trade her life for the world. Y/N… well, she was a university student first and foremost but she was also a writer.

Being a big fan of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, she had started writing fanfictions a few years ago. She posted them on Tumblr, where her blog, though not very well-known, stood out enough for her posts to get around 800-1000 likes per post. She loved it; she loved writing, she loved posting her stories and especially, she loved the feedback.

Sometimes people were rude, but most times, the reviews she got were fantastic. She read each and every one of them, smiling goofily as people freaked out over her fanfictions. It warmed her heart. A smile automatically blooming on her face, Y/N lay down on the bed and decided to go to sleep, it being almost 3 am.

Unbeknownst to her, someone else was up at the same time, tossing and turning in his bed, restless.

Sebastian sighed as he sat up, running a hand through his hair. He drank some water and lay down again, closing his eyes but it was like sleep was mad at him. Refused to be anywhere near him. He groaned to himself and picked up his phone from the nightstand, deciding to go through Instagram, hoping he'd finally fall asleep to the glare of the screen.

As he logged into his account, he skipped the activity page and went straight to the explore page. Bored, he continued scrolling until his eyes landed on a specific photo. And the breath escaped his lungs when he clicked on it; the woman in the picture was absolutely gorgeous. He just couldn't resist going to her page, smiling widely when he read her bio.

It gave him her basic information; her name, her age, the university she attended. But what caught his eye was the link below the bio. My Marvel Fanfictions Master List. Marvel fanfictions? She was a writer? Smirking, he clicked on the link and it took him to Tumblr. Of course, he'd heard of the site, but didn't have an account on there. At 3 am, his mind sure wasn't working right.

A post popped up on the screen, the same master list she had mentioned earlier. And his eyes bulged out of their sockets; damn, those are a lot of fanfictions. He went through the whole thing, smirking again when he noticed that she had written the most fanfictions about him. Not Bucky Barnes, no, Sebastian Stan.

He clicked on the first one. The date of posting was way back, in 2019. He started reading; nothing about it felt weird to him; he was intrigued, if anything. And as he continued reading, he couldn't help but imagine her being in the stead of the female protagonist. Her, the writer. The woman whose picture had made him end up reading in the first place.

When he finished the story, his heart thudded wildly in his chest. Wow, she really has a way with words. And he had also noticed how in the author's note, she used a lot of slang but reading the story had made him realize that she had an amazing, extensive vocabulary. He went back to the master list and clicked on the latest post under his name.

Posted: 15 minutes ago.

His breath hitched in his throat when he read the warnings: there was going to be sexual intercourse in this one. For one moment, he hesitated; did he really want to read this? "Oh fuck it," he huffed and scrolled, starting to read. The more he read, the more his shaft twitched in his pants. He wasn't really like that during… but oh damn, he wasn't complaining.

"Oh, Seb…"

His hand slid down and he rubbed himself through his boxers, unable to take his eyes off the text in front of him. His strokes got harder and faster as the sex got steamier. "Ungh, I'm gonna cum—" And he suddenly came in his boxers, groaning. Slumping down on the bed, he quickly finished reading the rest of it, going back to the master list.

He took a screenshot with the account's name in it and then went back to her Instagram account to take another screenshot. Keeping his phone away, he slipped out of his boxers, cleaned himself and pulled the covers on top of him, finally feeling tired enough to fall asleep.

---

Y/N was walking across the campus of her university, going to the cafeteria when her phone buzzed in her pocket. Taking it out, she opened Tumblr to read the message someone had sent her just then.

his-username: Hi there! I was binging your account last night, you write really well

your-username: Omg thank you!!!! I really appreciate it, I love getting feedback! 🥺❤

his-username: You're welcome! Especially your latest post, that was really good ;)

your-username: hehe 😈 glad you liked it!

Smiling widely, she kept her phone away and continued walking, not knowing that the person who had texted her was the same man she had written about. Sebastian smiled to himself when he read her text. After getting up in the morning, the first thing he had done was install Tumblr on his phone. Then he made an account for himself.

Figuring out the app was easy; he found out that there was an option to keep your liked posts and the accounts you followed hidden, and selected it immediately. No one needed to know what he did on the app. Then he went back to her account, pressed the follow button and started binge-reading her fanfictions again. Last night had he read only two, and that had left him wanting more.

Funny how much things can change in a night. He liked and reblogged all her posts without a second thought; he even read all her Bucky Barnes posts. She understood his character so well, put him on what he thought was an undeserved pedestal while writing about him. Some of the stories were AUs, which he found out stood for Alternate Universes. Mostly mobster or mafia stuff.

He had the day off, and he spent the entire time cooped up in his apartment, on his bed, reading. The more he read, the more he started fawning over her, over the version of him that she put out to the world. Dominating, suave and just perfect. He loved it. At the end of the day, he decided to text her again, hoping she wouldn't think he was weird or find out the truth.

his-username: do you wanna be friends, maybe? I'm new to the app, don't really have any friends here ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

That was a lie, he knew Mark Ruffalo had an active Tumblr account. But it's not like he could tell him.

your-username: Yes sure!!!! I was also thinking of making some friends on this app lol

his-username: You don't have any on here? But you've been here for years, haven't you?

your-username: haha yeah, but I don't really reach out to people much. Sometimes people leave their feedbacks on my posts, text me but that's that

his-username: Ohhh

his-username: well, let's start with names. Mine's Sebastian

your-username: Really?????? omg that's so cool lmaooooooo (didn't think you were a boy but 😳👀)

his-username: Not a boy, I'm a man 😤😂

your-username: 🤣 im y/n, btw

his-username: Y/N, that's a nice name

your-username: thank you!!!! So, what do you do?

his-username: nothing really that interesting, I'm in theatre

your-username: theatre is nice! I'm studying at [university] in New York lmao

his-username: Wait you're in New York? So am I!

your-username: ASDFHKSHKGF that's awesome!!! also I noticed that you've been going through my account the whole day 😏 notifications upon notifications keeping my phone busy

his-username: Oopsie?

your-username: 😂😂 I really don't mind, it was great! Despite the amount of likes on my posts, I only have a few loyal followers lmao gaining one more felt nice

your-username: You a big fan of Sebastian Stan? Cuz I noticed that you were only reading his and Bucky's fics 👀

Sebastian's face heated up.

his-username: kinda yeah 🤷🏻‍♂️😁

your-username: Cool cool cool, I'm a big fan of his too!!!! also got a crush on him but whatever 😳

Sebastian smirked at his phone. A crush on him, huh? That… was acceptable. He suddenly felt his cocky side coming out; the one she described in nearly all her fanfictions.

his-username: wouldn't blame ya, I mean, look at him. You have also written the most fics about him and Bucky

your-username: right????? damn that man has raised my standards. Anyway, I gtg now, I have to finish a paper before midnight. ttyl!

his-username: Bye! 👋🏻

He kept his phone away and took in a deep breath. This was the most fun he had had in years, and he was not letting her go so easy. He realized he was quickly falling for her; rather unhealthy, but he couldn't help it. Look at her. She looks like a goddamn angel, writes like one, makes him feel like one, do you really expect him not to fall for her? That's insane.

---

Months passed by like a breeze. Y/N and Sebastian had become very good friends, and he knew his way around words just enough to keep her from finding out his identity while not lying to her. Y/N also appreciated his friendship, because he was the one to whom she could rant about her most favorite man in the world— Sebastian Stan.

Sometimes, she thought about how weird of a coincidence it was that her new friend and the actor shared the same names, but then she used to brush it off; that was a common name, right? They talked for hours on end; Sebastian (her friend, not the actor) was extremely witty, smart and fun to talk to, she had to admit. Sebastian felt the same way.

His feelings had worsened. Y/N entirely owned his heart now. Somedays, he'd just go on Instagram, go to her account— her username memorized by him— and stare at her photos until he grew tired; he'd never get tired of looking at her beautiful face but his stiff body afterwards begged to differ. She was just so Elysian. He longed for the moment when he could meet her in real life.

His personality had also changed majorly, and people had caught on. Especially his Marvel co-stars, who knew him to be introverted, shy and, in Anthony Mackie's words, "boring". They were surprised at his sudden change in attitude; he knew his worth and Y/N had helped tremendously in finding it. Now, all those adjectives that she used in her fanfictions fit him perfectly.

Sebastian was never tempted to read fanfictions about himself from authors other than Y/N. No, he only loved her work. He was sure no one else could write as beautifully as she did, he was her #1 fan. Y/N even sent him funny Marvel memes she found on the app and he used to enjoy them heartily; God, the others have no idea what they're missing out on. Our fans are awesome.

Everything was going well.

Until one day.

Sebastian was getting bored at home, so he decided to go to the nearby library to clear his mind. He had read not one book in the past few months, hung up on Y/N's fanfictions. At this point, he was obsessed with her and he knew it. It was nothing dark, per se, it was— it was similar to how Y/N was attracted to Sebastian. How she was a fan of his work.

Just the same. He was a fan of her work in the same way. Just how she was attracted to him, he was attracted to her. Walking into the library that he visited often, he gave the librarian a smile and ventured further into the dark place. He checked his watch; the library closed at 12 am, it was currently 9:30 pm.

Not many people were around, heck, nobody was around. He thought himself to be all alone until he heard it. A sigh, coming from a few aisles away. He walked in that direction and peeked around the corner, freezing when he saw the other person. Y/N? Her books were strewn all across the table as she sat alone at the booth, rubbing her temples.

"You okay?"

She looked up and her breath caught in her throat. I'm dreaming. This is not real. Now I know for a fact that Sebastian Stan is not standing in front of me, asking me if I'm— "Hello?" He snapped his fingers in front of her face, pulling her out of her thoughts. "I, uh— I'm— h-hi," she stammered and he almost chuckled. "Hi." She gulped visibly and blinked at the table, not meeting his eyes.

"Can I have a seat?" He wants to sit with me?! "Y-Yes, sure, sir," she blurted out and he easily slid into the booth next to her. "Hey, please, call me Sebastian. What's your name?" He gave her a friendly smile, even though all he wanted to do was push her back into the booth and kiss her wildly. His shaft twitched just by thinking about it; Y/N was a thousand times more beautiful in person.

"I'm Y/N, it's very nice to meet you, I'm… I'm a fan," she admitted, playing with the ring she wore on her left thumb. I'm your fan too, sweetheart, the biggest one. "Y/N, nice name. You come here often? I haven't really seen you around." She shook her head. "Oh no no, I moved to this part of the city just a week ago, this is my first time here. The library is cozy," she shrugged, easing out of her tense position.

Sebastian nodded. "Yes, I know, this place is awesome. Got all my favorite books here," he chuckled and she smiled at him. "What's all this?" A groan left her lips. "Ugh, stupid university work. I have to write a book report but I don't even know what to write about." He smiled gently. "Well, I have a few favorite books, would you like some suggestions?"

"Oh, please! Tell me!"

He started listing some of his favorite works and Y/N noted the names down until he said the last name. At that, she froze. That's the name of my latest— She looked up but he had a smile on his face. "Oh, and the last one is by my favorite author." He took a pause. "Y/N Y/L/N." She froze completely, staring at the man with her jaw dropped.

Sebastian grinned. "We finally meet, Y/N, I've been waiting for months." Her mouth opened and closed several times as she recalled every interaction she had had with her online best friend— scratch that— her celebrity crush. All the times she had confessed her love for Sebastian Stan, all the dirty and inappropriate memes that she'd sent him…

Embarrassment flooded her entire body as she exhaled shakily. "It was you," she croaked out, "On Tumblr, the account— I'm so sorry—" Sebastian frowned in confusion when she blinked back sudden tears, a few still rolling down her cheeks as shame replaced embarrassment. "Y/N, please don't cry…" She looked up at him, his figure blurry due to her tears.

"You've read everything, haven't you? I just— I'm sorry, I don't want to make you uncomfortable—" He pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly. Y/N couldn't hug back, though she appreciated the hug especially since it came from him. "You don't know how much you mean to me, doll," he mumbled into her shoulder, using the nickname she often used in the stories she wrote about him. He grew accustomed to it easily.

"Huh?"

He pulled away to wipe her tears. "It was an accident," he admitted, "But I stumbled onto your Instagram account from my explore page. Then I clicked on your account, saw that you wrote Marvel fanfictions and I just couldn't resist the urge to read what you had written. Blame it on 3 am me, to be honest. You're a great writer, and I was immediately drawn to your works. They're awesome.

"They've helped me so much in the past few months. You see this changed attitude that everyone's been talking about lately? All because of you, sweetheart. I'm sorry for keeping my identity secret, but after reading your works, I knew I had to get closer to you. I made the Tumblr account just for you, just so I could talk to you. I'm sorry for lying, but thank you."

Y/N dumbfoundedly stared at him for a few moments, her heart beat getting steady with each thump. Here was a man she admired, loved more than anyone else in the world, telling her that he harbored the same feelings for her. How crazy was that?! Not trusting her words, she simply pulled him into another hug. Sebastian wrapped his arms tight around her, pulling her flush against him.

"Can I kiss you, doll?"

She slowly pulled away from him and nodded, shyly biting her lip. Grinning at the endearing gesture, Sebastian cupped her face and leaned in, gently pressing his lips to hers. The kiss grew hungry in a matter of seconds, and Y/N responded just as eagerly. His hands slid down to her waist and tugged on it, pulling her on his lap. She straddled his thighs as they continued kissing.

"Fuck," he groaned when they finally pulled away from each other, out of breath and panting. "You see what you do to me, doll?" Sebastian spoke huskily as he took her hand, placing it right on top of the tent that was forming in his pants. "Oh," Y/N whimpered when she felt him, the sound going straight to his shaft. "How about I take you home and we recreate some of the scenes from your stories, hm?"

"O-Okay."

"Good girl."

---

A/N: What a meta experience 🤡 Leave a like if you enjoyed, thanks for reading!

Umm, scenario again please!! So tatsuya isn't that good with directions and he has a fem s/o who isn't good with directions, too. So, like prompt is: what happens if the class has a field trip/camping and both get lost, etc. Thank you again ahhh ❤️

Scenario: Getting lost at a camping trip with Himuro

Every year, your school hosts a camping trip for the second years to help them develop survival skills like map reading, first aid and decision-making amongst other things. Whilst this was the premise for the trip, most of the students just saw it as a fun outing rather than a learning experience and you weren’t any different; you were just excited to spend time with your friends and Himuro.

So there you were, at the campsite fumbling with the tent after the long hike you took to get there. The teachers made you split into groups during the drive to the start point and you had to work together to get to the site, using a compass and a map. Thankfully, you had a few smart people on your group that were good with maps so you didn’t have to do much but follow them.

Once everyone had finally arrived at the site and had their tents pitched up, the teachers said that you were free to do as you please as long as you didn’t go too far.

“Hey Y/N, I saw a lake on the way here that looked really cool. I don’t think it’s too far, do you want to go there together?” Himuro asked you while you were finishing up with putting your things in the tent.

“That sounds lovely,” you smiled at your boyfriend. “Are you sure you know where it is though?”

“Yeah, it’s just down that way I think. I’ve got my map and compass just in case,” he said, waving the folded piece of paper in the air.

“Alright then, let’s go,” you said, shoving your phone in your pocket and walking off into the woods with him.

“So how was the hike up here?” Himuro asked you.

“It was kinda fun actually. I still don’t understand how to read that damn map though so I’m counting on you.”

“Fair enough. It’s kinda difficult to understand,” Himuro agreed.

After a few minutes of walking, you finally reached a clearing that led to the lake. “Woah, it’s gorgeous,” you said breathlessly as you looked out at the water that twinkled under the orange and pink skies.

Both of you stood there mesmerised for a few moments in silence as you took in the view in front of you. The light breeze formed small waves in the turquoise waters before caressing your face and brushing through your hair. You didn’t realise how captivated you were with the sight until you felt Himuro’s fingers smoothly intertwine with yours. You flashed him a soft smile before squeezing his hand as a way of showing your gratitude.

“I knew you’d like it,” he smiled as his raven hair danced in the breeze.

“Are you kidding me? I love it! Thanks for bringing me here,” you said, looking into his dark eyes.

“Well it just wouldn’t be right if I didn’t bring a pretty girl to a pretty place, you know?” he chuckled as your cheeks began to heat up and your grin grew dorkier.

“Shut up,” you laughed out of embarrassment as you looked away.

Himuro’s other hand reached for your face and tilted your chin up so that you were looking at him once again. At that very moment, the most beautiful thing was not the lake you stood in front of, nor was it the colourful skies; it was the way your boyfriend looked at you ever so lovingly before softly pressing his lips against yours.

The two of you hung out at the lake for some time before finally deciding to leave before the sun set and it got too dark to see. You began walking in the direction you came from, not really paying too much attention to where you were going because you assumed Himuro just remembered the way back without needing to refer to the map. But after about ten minutes of walking, he stopped in his tracks and pulled the paper out again, looking at it with a contorted expression.

“What’s wrong?” You asked him.

“We’ve been walking for quite a while. We should’ve gotten back by now, don’t you think?”

“I guess so? I wasn’t paying too much attention though. Do you think we took a wrong turn somewhere?” you replied, looking around to see if anything familiar caught your eye, but to no avail as everything just looked the same.

“Let’s just head that way and see where it leads, because I think if we keep going straight we’d end up further away,” Himuro suggested as he pointed to the right.

“Yeah that sounds smart,” you nodded as both of you proceeded to change directions.

Little did you know, that if you just kept walking for about two minutes more, you probably would’ve found a sign pointing to the campsite.

Eventually, it got too dark, so you had to switch on your phone’s flashlight to navigate your way around. “Tatsuya, are we lost?” You asked, your grip on his hand getting tighter.

“I don’t know,” he said, though he was quite sure it was the case. He just wanted to prevent you from getting too worked up by trying to remain somewhat positive.

“Should we try getting back to the lake and trying again?” you suggested.

You both turned around to see if going back was even an option. “Which way would the lake be exactly?” Himuro questioned, looking out into the darkness.

“Now what? Do we just die here?” you said, trying to remain calm though the shakiness in your voice said otherwise.

Himuro let out a small chuckle, bringing you the slightest bit of comfort as he gave your hand a reassuring squeeze. “We won’t die here, Y/N— I know that much at least,” he said before pulling his phone out of his pocket. “Do you have any signal on your phone?”

You looked at your screen to check. “Nope.”

“Okay, I did tell Atsushi before we left so hopefully someone’s looking for us. In the meantime, let’s just walk around to find some signal so we can make a call. How does that sound?”

“Yeah okay, let’s do that,” you nodded before the two of you continued to walk around.

After aimlessly walking for a while and not finding any signal nor the campsite, your hopelessness and fear began to kick in.

“Tatsuya, I’m scared. It’s really dark. What if we don’t make it back?”

“Hey, don’t say that. We’ll make it back, just hold on a bit, okay?” he said, his soft, calm voice never losing its composure.

“We’ve been walking around forever. I don’t think any longer is going to make a difference,” you said as tears began to well up in your eyes. Your feet were aching, you were hungry and your phone’s battery was going to die at any moment because the flashlight drained most of it— it only made sense that you’d have an emotional breakdown right about now.

“Well I don’t see what else we can do other than walk around though,” Himuro said.

He did have a point. But you really wished that it wasn’t true. You were sick of walking around like this. It didn’t help that you hated the dark too. So you just began to cry, taking Himuro by surprise.

He immediately wrapped his arms around you and hugged you tight, combing his fingers through your hair because he knew you liked it when he did that. “Hey, come on, don’t cry. We’ll be okay. I promise I won’t let anything bad happen to you.”

There was a moment of silence as you cried into his shoulder. “So, if we run into a bear, you’re going to fight it or something?” you said sarcastically through the tears.

“Exactly. I’d totally win in a fight against a bear,” Himuro joked, making you chuckle as the tears slowly began to stop.

In all honesty, Himuro was also losing his hope on making it back, but he didn’t want to bring it up. He figured that it would just be chaos if both of you were like that, so he decided to take the more optimistic role. In a way, pretending to be hopeful did create some actual positivity within him so it wasn’t all that bad.

Himuro finally pulled away from the hug and placed a soft kiss on your forehead. “You’re strong. We’ll get through this together. I’m sorry for getting us lost in the first place though,” he said.

“It’s alright. It’s not like I would’ve done a better job anyways,” you replied with a small smile.

Himuro decided to check his phone again and he was quickly greeted by something that made his face light up. “Y/N! I have signal!”

“No way! So we’re not gonna die?”

“Exactly. I told you!” Himuro beamed.

Himuro’s first call was to Murasakibara, who seemed to have not notified anyone about your whereabouts because he’d simply forgotten that Himuro had headed off to the lake. He did end up telling the teachers that you two were lost and after about ten minutes of searching, you finally managed to be found not too far away from the campsite.

Of course, both of you did end up having to endure a stern talking to from your teachers, but it didn’t really matter to you because you were just glad that you made it back. And to be honest, if Himuro wasn’t there by your side like he was, you definitely would’ve lost your mind.

Whumptober 27: Okay, Who Had Natural Disasters On Their 2020 Bingo Card?

Earthquake

This one was an absolute delight to write. I just love this type of fic. Thanks to LovelyStressedPrincess for feeding me ideas and writing a couple of the paragraphs.

Summary: MK wakes up to an earthquake. At first he writes it off as paranoia, but as the day progresses, he can't help but feel like he's been here before.

Trigger Warnings: serious injury, mild self harm

2537 words

MK woke up to the world shaking. Books were thrown from his shelves, various trinkets going everywhere.

Oh shit, was this an — earthquake. The word left a gross sense of deja vu. 

The earthquake stopped almost as quickly as it started.

Warily, he dressed himself, praying there wouldn’t be another one. This had been rather tame for an earthquake.

He hurried downstairs, not wanting to be late for work.

When he saw that the shop, too, was a complete and total mess, he couldn’t help but be a little bit relieved. 

In the calabash, nobody but him had been affected by the “earthquakes”. This meant that it had actually been real.

Thank god.

“Kid, are you okay?” Pigsy asked.

MK snapped out of his thoughts. “What?”

“The earthquake, are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he said.

Pigsy seemed satisfied. “Good. Let’s get started on cleaning this mess. I won’t have customers thinking we’re slobs!”

MK laughed breathlessly. Yeah, that was definitely Pigsy. There was absolutely nothing to worry about! Everything was all good.

An hour later, the shop was totally spick and span. Luckily, the earthquake hadn’t done too much damage.

From there, MK went on with his job, delivering noodles to people all across town. Rush hour had traffic, and there were no free samples.

Still, the earthquake had him on edge. But there was nothing to worry about. He was sure there was nothing to worry about.

The day proceeded to be almost painstakingly average. No horrible demons attacked, and he didn’t have to deal with any Karens at work. It was just… normal.

Almost suspiciously so.

At the end of his shift, Mei showed up. That was odd, wasn’t she supposed to have been busy? He could have sworn she was doing something today.

“Are you ready?” She asked, bouncing on her heels.

“Uh… ready for what?”

Mei laughed. “Don’t tell me you forgot.”

“Forgot…?”

“That event the arcade is holding? You know, the one we’ve been talking about for weeks?”

MK’s blood went cold.

There was no event. He’d never made plans with Mei. He was sure of it.

He would have remembered if he had, which meant… no, no, this was the only strange thing that had happened, it didn’t mean anything…

But what if it did?

What if he was trapped again? What if this was all fake? The earthquake, the complete and total perfect normalcy of the day… 

Okay. Alright okay, there was an easy way to figure this out. He just needed to check for his staff.

Mei watched, looking somewhat concerned, as he reached for the staff. Only… it wasn’t there.

“Where’s the staff?” He asked, panic beginning to set in. 

“Locking away DBK,” Mr. Tang supplied from across the room as he slurped down his noodles. “Are you feeling alright, MK? You look a little… ill.”

He had never done that. He’d never defeated DBK, not for real. It wasn’t true. They were lying to him, none of this was real.

“I’m fine,” he squeaked, backing away very, very slowly. 

“Kid?”

He snapped around, coming face-to-face with Pigsy, who looked just as concerned as the other two.

Oh god, he was being boxed in, they were going to hurt him, they wouldn’t want to let him leave.

He forced his breathing to slow, and he gave the most natural smile he could muster. If he could convince them that he wasn’t onto them, he could buy himself some time.

“Everything’s good!” He said. “Sorry, I dunno what got into me! Anyways, I should probably make this last noodle delivery! I’ll be back soon for our thing, Mei!”

“If you’re sure…” Mei finally said, looking unconvinced.

“Please, I’ll be as quick as a bunny! You know how great I am at noodle deliveries, after all,” he said, as if he thought the concern was him not making it back in time. If he just kept playing dumb, everything would be fine. He just needed to get away.

He grabbed the bag of food, getting into his cart as calmly as possible. 

Almost there almost there almost there.

Finally, he deemed himself a good distance from them. He didn’t know to what extent the demons had control over this… realm? Pocket dimension? Illusion? But he had to figure this out quick, before they realized he knew what was up.

Still, he couldn’t stop the panic from growing. Everything was so much more natural than last time. Had he not been here before, he probably would have just written it all off as a bump on the head.

But he knew better. He wasn’t stupid.

He came to a stop on the side of the road, putting his head on the steering wheel.

He needed to go. But he needed to stop. Why was he freaking out so much? He’d been here before, this would be a piece of cake. 

But his breathing refused to calm, and he was pretty sure he was going to vomit.

Deep breaths, he demanded of himself. Deep. Breaths.

“MK?”

He looked up, his knuckles going white from how hard he was gripping the wheel. 

“Monkey King,” he greeted stiffly, swallowing down his fear.

“Well that’s a little formal,” he laughed.

MK just looked at him, ignoring his comment in favor of trying to determine what to do. Fake or not, Monkey King was too strong for him to fight. Especially without his staff.

Monkey King frowned. “You seem—”

Agitated, MK thought with a growing sense of dread. He was going to say that. Jin and Yin were just taunting him, they were playing with him, they were letting him know—

“Worried.”

Instead of comforting him, MK only felt the sense of nausea swirling in his stomach get worse. They had gotten smarter.

That wasn't good.

“Mhmm,” he agreed, not trusting himself to speak.

“Did something happen?”

Besides being trapped in an evil artifact again? Besides the fact that the world around him was completely and utterly fake? Besides knowing that everyone here was nothing but a lie?

“Nope!” He forced out. “Just had a long night!”

He needed to get his staff he needed to get out he needed to run.

“Anyway, I’vegottodeliverthesenoodlesbye.” He didn’t give Monkey King a chance to stop him, speeding off in his cart as fast as it would take him. By the grace of the heavens, he didn’t follow him.

Okay. Tang had said his staff was on the mountain. He found it a little odd that the demons would put it right back where it had been last time, but hopefully that would make it easier for him. If last time’s experience had taught him anything, it was that he would have to be fast.

He didn’t know how quickly Jin and Yin would send his “friends” after him. He glared at the street. Friends. They were nothing but empty shells, puppets on strings. That may have been the most cruel part of all. Trying to make him believe that the people he loved were real.

Focus MK. Just get to the mountain.

He could do this.

He continued to drive, trying hard to force all other thoughts out of his head. It was hard to not think about things when you were thinking about not thinking about them.

It was hard not to focus on the fact that he was trapped in a tiny world controlled by two people who were intent on destroying him, who were holding his life in their hands, who were manipulating and playing with it like putty, who wanted him to suffer and not know it until the very last moment.

Tears pushed at his eyes. It wouldn’t be like last time. He’d figured it out way faster, and now he was going to put an end to it.

This didn’t help to calm the panic.

Jin and Yin had done a better job this time. They were smarter. This could only mean horrible things for him if he let it go on any further.

He pulled to a stop again, squeezing his eyes shut. He just needed a minute. He just needed a quick minute. Everything was gonna be fine.

He covered his eyes with his hand, as if it would block the tears. It really only served to make his hand wet.

Shakily, he ran his other hand through his hair, flinching when a sharp burst of pain came from it. 

Carefully, he touched that spot again. There was a large, really fucking painful bump. When had that happened? He didn’t remember hitting his head… 

Whatever, he could worry about it later. Right now, he needed to pull himself together and get the hell to the mountain before he was caught.

He couldn’t manage to stop crying, but the tears had at least slowed enough that he felt he could drive again. His vision was only slightly blurry.

Just as he pulled up to the construction site, his phone rang.

“Um… hello?” he asked, cursing himself when he choked up. Fuck, now they would know he’d been crying.

“Kid? You okay?” Pigsy asked from the other end of the line.

“I’m—” so scared “fine.” He forced down a bitter laugh. They really had gotten smarter. A worried phone call instead of all his friends randomly showing up to stop him from taking back his staff, yeah, that was clever. But he wasn’t stupid. He was going to get out of here, and he was going to go home.

“Okay, great, care to tell me why this tracker app says you’re hanging around at that construction site instead of doing your job?” Pigsy asked, sounding somewhat annoyed.

“I’m not stupid!” MK yelled, unable to hold himself back. He all but flung himself into the elevator, directing it down. “You can’t keep me in here this time!”

“What?”

“You can’t trick me that easily again!”

“Kid, hold on, I’ll be right there—”

“Don’t even try it!”

He hung up, glaring at his dark phone screen as the elevator continued to descend.

And then, out of nowhere, it stopped.

“Come on, you stupid piece of junk!” he begged, “Work!”

Oh god. He’d given himself away, and if he didn’t get to the ground in time, they’d catch up with him. Fuck fuck fuck, he was so stupid, why had he done that?

He looked down, weighing his options. He couldn’t jump, not without his staff. He’d break something for sure.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. He kicked the wall of the elevator as if that would do something. 

He was a sitting duck. For a few, dreadful minutes, he sat there, contemplating his options. He was going to throw up.

“MK?” he heard.

No.

“Are you here? Pigsy sent me since I was already nearby.”

No no no, he wasn’t letting not-Mei ruin everything.

“MK?”

He covered his mouth, hoping it would quiet down his breathing. He couldn’t make a sound.

He heard Mei fiddling with the lever of the elevator. “Move, you stupid…” she gave it a kick, and then it started to move. Up.

No!

He didn’t have a choice. He forced the gate open, tumbling out and to the ground. 

The resounding crack echoed loudly.

“MK, oh my god!”

He scrambled to his feet, whimpering through the pain, limping frantically for the staff. Almost there, almost there—

“Kid, stop! What is he doing?”

“He’s going crazy, he just jumped from this thing!”

“Holy shit, MK, stop!”

He tuned out their words, forcing back the tears and the pain. Almost there. Just a little closer—

Someone grabbed him.

“No!” he screamed, wrenching himself from their grip. They only grabbed him again.

“MK, bud, take a deep breath. Can you do that?”

Monkey King was here why was Monkey King here he wouldn’t be here if this wasn’t all fake. 

“Let me go!” he screamed, twisting out of his mentor’s hold once more, barely making it two steps before he fell to the ground.

His not-friends were surrounding him.

He couldn’t breathe, they weren’t going to let him get to that staff, he could barely even think through the pain, he needed to move, but he couldn’t.

“Give him some air!” Pigsy demanded, pushing Monkey King to the side as he kneeled beside MK. “Kid, look at me.”

MK squeezed his eyes shut tight. “You c-can’t trick me, not again,” he whispered.

“What are you talking about?”

“Don’t play dumb! I know! I told you I know! Give it up already!” he sobbed, clutching his leg.

They were trying so hard to save this, it was almost pathetic. They’d gotten Pigsy just right this time, too.

He loosened his grip on his leg, slowly sitting up.

“Hey, hey, be careful—”

He bolted. He shot to his feet and ran for the staff, holding back every scream and every sob. He could hurt when he was free.

His fingers brushed against the staff—

He was yanked back.

Mei was there, holding her blade. “We can’t let you do this,” she whispered.

“You can’t stop me this time!”

He threw a punch, actually managing to land a hit on her. She looked shocked and horrified and scared all rolled into one.

“MK,” Tang said, approaching him with his hands up, as if to show that he wasn’t a threat. “You need to calm down so we can look at your leg.”

MK had to give the demons props. Tang really did look scared. 

“Stay. Away from me!”

Mei put a hand on his shoulder. “We just want to help,” she insisted.

Without thinking, he kicked her with his bad leg, nearly falling to the ground himself with the pain. Still, he scrambled for the staff once more.

Monkey King forced him to the ground. “Enough!” he shouted.

MK didn’t listen to him, crying so hard from the pain that he couldn’t see straight. He kicked, and screamed, and fought, but Monkey King, real or not, was so much stronger than him. He was helpless.

“Just kill me!” he sobbed, thrashing in Monkey King’s grip. “Just kill me!” he begged again. “I know that’s what you want! Just do it!”

Monkey King recoiled. “Where would you even get that idea? Kid, it’s me. I would never want you to be hurt. But you’re hurting yourself by doing this.”

MK thrashed harder, his sobs making his whole body shake and tremble. His leg twisted in the wrong way.

He screamed, the sound ripping from his throat painfully. His breathing picked up, he was hyperventilating again, get off him get off him get off him he needed to get out please let him go he wanted to go home he wanted to be in reality again.

“We need to get him to a hospital,” Tang said, from somewhere to his right.

“Mei, call an ambulance,” Pigsy said, looking over MK worriedly.

“No!” he sobbed, weakly fighting back. It hurt so much. He was beginning to get tired. “Let me go, kill me, please…”

“Help is on the way, bud,” Monkey King said.

In one last attempt, MK reached weakly for the staff, even as darkness began to overtake his vision.

He had been so close.

i watched the first episode of canine intervention tonight, here’s some uncensored liveblogging featuring my spicey dog training takes:

“my dog training system is known all over the world" mhmm. lemme google this guy.

by clicking through his in person training site to his online remote training course, i found a whole lot of big red flags: "Establish pack leadership" dogs don't have pack leaders. anyone who wants to make you a leader is not using a good understanding of dog behavior "Time your praise and corrections" the times when i use corrections are when i'm the least on my game. my goal is NEVER to use corrections/positive punishment. why should i? it's concerning that he uses it as a core part of his method. "Exercise and reinforce your leadership as a way of life" more leadership bullshit.

fancy letters are not the end-all-be-all, and there are trainers i seriously respect who have none of them. but they don't talk about leadership and corrections. it's concerning that he talks about his sports team as a kid, where he went to high school, and his celebrity clients, but not his mentors and education in training.

back to the show

why does his facility have enough dogs to keep them in kennels? how does that teach aggressive dogs how to be safe in a home environment?

not all of the dogs in the first shot of a class (~1:38) have two collars on but a lot do. that's not a red flag (i worked sydney in two collars [her flat collar and a martingale, because syd was very gear smart and it was nice to tell her that we were doing heeling now]) but with what i saw on his website? it's quite likely that one of those is the dog's normal flat collar with tags, and the other is a prong, choke chain, or electric collar

also: "I help the dogs that no one else will" is a flat out lie

if you're willing to take on any human aggression cases, generally you’re willing to take on all of them. now, some of these cases may generally lead to a recommendation of euthanasia. but that's in the best interests of the dog and owner

oop class shot where it's clear that they're wearing prongs

here's two points not about this guy specifically: 1) it is hard (impossible?) to do humane, ethical dog training in a 45 minute episode slot. it's not good tv. it's slow as hell. there's no drama. the aggression trainers i know? have never been bitten. many have never been CLOSE to being bitten. no tv value. 2) the positive dog training community is OVERWHELMINGLY white and middle class.

it's also full of racists.

"Nearly a million dogs are euthanized yearly and over 40% of them are pit bulls" i've calculated that first statistic myself, but it's important to put it in context: this is USA specific, and that's down from 3-4 million 20 years ago. the second one, i would love to see his source.

he's right that it's important to understand where aggression comes from

anyway back to those two points, at the same time that it's really, really hard to do compelling TV with ethical dog trainers, it's also really REALLY important that the positive dog training community be working on being anti-racist. and it's really, really important that low income dog owners and people of color are getting good dog training.

alright first case! he's had her 3 months, 3 bites in that time. 10 attempted attacks. she's a young adult bully breed mix who had one front leg amputated after being shot. owner walks her in a muzzle which is a) too small and b) not bite proof.

"I see what we're working with" he says, after approaching a dog in her crate. hazard responds similarly to someone coming in, but he's not a bite risk. that's not a good evaluation.

he is correct about lady macbeth's motivations: this is a dog who's scared as hell and making herself really big and scary so that everyone leaves her alone.

okay he's also right that playing with her around strangers is really, really good for fear aggression

"frenzied just chaotic state" yeah no

reality check for y'all: i am not an aggression specialist and i have seen more freaked out dogs

she was on edge! she was unhappy! but holy shit was she not even remotely close to what dogs are capable of

"she just bit me!" she nipped your cheek, not breaking skin. that's a level 1 or 2 (of 6). that's not NOTHING but it's well within normal for a dog who's being restrained when she wants to be somewhere else.

[note that at no point in the episode was the owner ever given any sort of indication that lady macbeth is not this horribly aggressive Pit Bull TM. nor was there any discussion of a bite scale.]

"The only option we're gonna have is to [board and train] for 3 weeks" "I have no choice but to take her back to my facility back in San Jose and work daily with her" no!!!!!

[15 minute break]

lmao sorry i had to go yell at gf about how much this board and train is not necessary and in the process penny decided to cause Drama again

ANYWAY, the b&t is not necessary because all of those aggressive incidents bar the first could have been avoided if the owner was on the ball. this is not JUST a lady macbeth issue, this is ALSO an owner issue. both of them need to relearn how to handle new people.

as a bonus, lady macbeth needs to learn to trust her owner, which she categorically cannot do in a b&t

"The box is an important training tool to teaching new behaviors. It's also a first step in establishing pack leadership" ok this is new to me

and new is not a good thing here

text: Obedience depends on a dog's trust and respect for their pack leader calculus depends on your trust and respect for your math teacher! if you respect them a lot you will magically be able to do calc!

I WAS HOPING. I WAS TRYING.

i was HOPING that his training for her fear aggression would be based in toy play.

instead he's got a fake arm and he keeps reaching out to poke her, and the owner says "no!" and does a leash pop (leash wrapped around her neck) every time she tries to bite.

"She doesn't know it's not his hand" it smells like plastic what would she THINK it is

also funky that we're 19 minutes into the episode about an aggressive bully breed mix and the trainer's childhood bully breed mix who killed a dog, and like. not a single mention of what these dogs were bred for.

let's go back to "how are you teaching aggressive dogs to live nicely in a home, if they are spending most of the day in a wire kennel"

for shits take, high school doesn't teach you how to handle your emotions! why should obedience class teach your dog the same?

and then like, every time she breaks the down he yells NOPE and leans over her??????

dude you're scaring her into being obedient. while you're talking about how it's important to treat her fear.

text: Fear based aggression can be reduced by desensitizing the dog to strangers you're right! it sure can! THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU'RE DOING HERE

you've got a dog on her side with one hand over her, the other on a skinny check chain on her neck. every time she does anything but lay flat, the leash is popped and you say no. you are flooding this dog and creating learned helplessness.

jo summed it up well with this: he's good at seeing the behavior, he knows what he's looking at, he just can't change it. he only knows one method.

jo and i are now trying to figure out if "dog training but marie kondo not cesar milan" is a viable tv show

jas correctly stops the friend and changes how he approaches the dog, that's a good response

i'm laughing bc after a 3 week board and train which is not going to be less than $4k, he's giving the exact same "how to meet new people" directions that i would give to a similar client--at the start of our time! not at the end!

"I can't imagine imagine a dog having it too much worse than she did, the fact that she took a gunshot, the fact that she had no security for years of her life" alright dude a) think worse, this PALES to abuse cases b) let's not? shittalk? the care that people without reliable housing give to their dogs (and occasional cat!)?? because what they do for their pets is incredible, and it isn't necessarily connected to her opinions on strangers

so yeah still laughing bc like. that "happy ending" would be my first session with a client. that's how you START handling stranger danger. and for this the owner paid thousands.

April Progress Update, and May Goals:

*bear with me this is gonna get long.

I’m going to first just look at April goals and see if I did them, then afterward summarize everything I did this month (cause it was a lot more than I planned ToT)

Chinese study plan from April:

1. Read anything 

Well, I did read. However my goal to read hanshe to chapter 80 and Zhenhun to the end of the sundial arc never happened. I did read a lot though. I ended up focusing mainly on extensive reading. 

Chinese chapters read: 62 (I counted graded readers/小王子 as 1 chapter for every two that I read, but this number is probably still inflated... compared to my normal 20-pleco page chapters I probably read 31-40 of those-kind-of-chapters length wise).

Chinese stories finished: 4 (Pleco Graded Reader Butterfly Lovers, Chinese Short Stories, Mandarin Companion Journey to the Center of the Earth, 小王子 - you can tell this is where my attention went this month).

Chinese Listening Reading Method chapters done: 14.5 (4.5 Silent Reading, 2 Chapters of A History of Humankind, 1 chapter hp, 1 chapter Alice in Wonderland, iffy but like 3 chapters 小王子, iffy but like 4 chapters of the Xiao Mao cat story - I should note that for Silent Reading, 小王子, Xiao Mao I only looked at the chinese mostly so more step 2, and for the others I did step 3 as recommended). Also I realize... I should probably count this with hours instead of chapters, because hours are where the original poster about LR mentioned when milestones are hit. However, being realistic, I do not do things in hour segments so I’m not sure any tracking will be as easy as this way...

A cool thing potentially about L R Method? I found some resources recently that will make this a lot easier (Bidiread is a site that can make parallel texts for you, which made silent reading MUCH easier since the audio doesn’t perfectly match so you NEED to see the chinese even if only doing step 3, to make sure you can keep track of where you are in the text when the audio skips paragraphs). I also found Francais Par Le Methode Nature as videos on youtube with audio and the text visible (is that not simply L R method step 2 but its all comprehensible, i love that book). And I found a few files on youtube of audiobooks with english audio and chinese/english parallel text on screen (a bit backwards in process but i’m curious to test it), one youtube channel who does chinese audio with parallel texts on screen (phenomenal!), and I remembered the site bilinguis exists which is excellent for French if you wanna try L R Method (it has a few french audios with the parallel texts). Also in the case of A History of Humankind - the audiobook for once is very closely synced to the actual chapter start/ends, so it was just easier to do L R Method with. 

2. Listen to Chinese Spoonfed Audio, shadowing when I can

YES I did this! I was on 11 last month, now I’m on 15. (so 4 audio this month) Yes I realize that wasn’t a lot of improvement T-T. What can I say I am not very good at being disciplined. However I did learn something interesting this month ABOUT listening to these so I think I might do it more - I listened to some in the background while playing games, then later listened to them again (also why I only got through 4 - I was replaying audios maybe 2 times). And when I listened the second time I could understand nearly all, whereas obviously when playing my game I only caught parts of it. So I suppose what this showed me is partially listening and partially focusing still may have some benefit in helping to learn the info - and well obviously its easier to make time to play audio when u don’t need to focus 100% on it.  

I also did some other misc listening to random stuff without any plan: 6? audio 1 of DeFrancis Beginner Chinese Reader, 1 audio of FSI Chinese, 2 condensed audios of Guardian (which was so cool?? also so cool i can follow along so well now??), 1 dracula chapter audio (don’t even ask i don’t know either), tian ya ke audio drama ep 1.

Chinese show episodes watched: 28 (You can see here is where my time went listening wise lol - Two Souls in One is GOOD u might wanna check it out, is all I’m saying, especially if the taiwan drama Bromance was ur thing, or the anime Ouran Host Club, or even Bureau of Transformer to a degree. I watched up to ep 25 and once its all aired to the finale I’m gonna finish it. 

Optional going through my hanzi book: I burned out on this, but it was a good use of my time when I felt like writing. I only wrote/studied maybe 30 hanzi, and maybe 50 hanzi+radicals in my Radical-Specific hanzi book. If I continue, I think my goal will be to just continue the Radical-book to completion. Realistically, longer term, I need to go through the freaking Alan Hoenig’s Chinese Character’s book just to get the hanzi and their rough meaning to stick in my head (and learn the pronunciations through well context and vocab how I normally do). Right now I just learn through reading, but its an issue of sometimes I just end up associating one hanzi with the new word I learned but then as soon as I see it in a new word I don’t even remember having seen it before. If I paid a bit more attention to distinguishing I might notice when I’ve seen them before or they’re new, and have more starting info to relate to the character to attach the word info onto. (its a convoluted way of me saying if I have things to connect to each other I remember better even if it makes little sense to connect them - if I know car and pet, carpet’s easier to remember even though it has nothing to do with cars, cry in french ‘pleurer’ was easier to remember once my brain thought ‘plume of tears’ even though that makes no sense. i just remember things better than seeing pleurer and having no idea what to attach it to at all - even if i heard it means cry, if i don’t have a thing to associate it with i’ll forget easier. or melancholy - i had to associate it with melons, and cholly - reminds me of words for sickness so heavy-sick +sad is how i started finally remembering that word cause wow did i look it up over and over as a kid).

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Japanese study plan from April:

1. continue through nukemarine’s memrise courses. 

Okay I did do this!! Congrats! In March I had completed LLJ 3 - Kanji, 289/318 finished in LLJ 4 Tae Kim part 1. As of April, I have completed: LLJ 4 Part 1, LLJ 4 Part 2 51/365, LLJ 5  Core Vocabulary 420/1020. So yeah! Going quite well, in that I consistently did it - I realized for me the best time to do it is playing video games oddly enough, or watching youtube - just do it in between areas, or ep scenes/videos, as a short 5-10 minute break. Since I like taking breaks from things anyway. Like audio, its hard for me to find ways to get myself to do stuff like this (except worse cause I don’t vibe with flashcards).

My goal for May will probably be finish LLJ 4 Part 2, LLJ 5, and start LLJ 6? I can dream right...

Also, a cool note: I found audio-flashcard files that people made of the Japanese Core 2k vocabulary deck and sentences, with english-japanese audio. (If anyone wants a link just let me know). So now if I DO eventually get burned out on flashcards, I could switch to using those. They would work about as well as the Chinese Spoonfed Audio files I have (which work extremely well for me - audio flashcards I just listen to are so much more suited to how I study lol). However, I’d like to stick with Nukemarine’s decks as long as possible while I can focus - they cover grammar explicitly which helps me a lot, and the reading practice COMBINED with constant audio really helps me learn the readings of words. Which is something I need for japanese a LOT more than chinese.

2. continue reading Tae Kim’s grammar guide 

Ahahahahaaa hahaaa... did not do it. Nope.

What I did do that was grammar related:

Watched Cure Dolly lessons 1-5 (and will probably watch more as I seem to click well with those explanations)

Read 24 pages of Japanese in 30 Hours while transcribing actual japanese into it (and will probably continue to read it, its so short I should just DO IT in a couple days, it also fulfilled my desire to write stuff)

JapaneseAudioLessons.com - read the wa vs ga explanation, reading the portable japanese grammar notes document right now (its 11 pages I’ll finish it today). I’ve said it before but i really LOVE this resource, and they have so much for free. I absolutely recommend if a beginner wants Pimsleur or Michael Thomas or some other paid resource etc, to just go to this site, download their full lesson grammar guide (its like 311 pages like a real textbook) and go through all their free audio lessons. You will cover a lot of ground (more than Pimsleur or Michael Thomas), and all for free. In addition, I’ve bought some of their kanji teaching books and they’re overall my favorite for remembering kanji specifically (yes more than Heisig’s RTK by far, and more than KKLC - although the Kodanshi book is a good reference to have around). I’m not kidding at all when I say just try this site’s free resources if you’re trying to use free stuff, its the closest I’ve found to an audio only teaching method, or an audio/textbook-like combo, that’s this much stuff and free. (For non free, I actually liked Genki if you do everything in it).

Other misc things done in japanese:

Watched Dracula the Musical in japanese with no subs. It was super hard, but also not so hard. It changed my life. 1000/10 would recommend watching it if you even remotely like dracula OR vampires - featuring a lesbian Dracula/Mina, and more importantly a story change about who kills Dracula, and Dracula and Mina’s agency and choice being the driving force of the ending. These story changes I LOVE and I now want them in more adaptations moving forward, its what I always craved of the ending of Dracula and never got - Dracula as a person (not monster), Mina as a person (not prey), and their choices influencing how the story ends and by whom (versus Van Helsing/the establishment symbol regaining control through annihilation of the ‘threat’ to that norm). Also it gave me a new interest in Japanese plays which is cool. I did not expect to love them this much! Also gave me a boost in japanese confidence, in that I no longer feel as “scared” to try immersing in japanese or in some kinds of content that seemed ‘harder’ - and that was a big hurdle I was too afraid to do, in the past when I studied.

Watched a few more lets plays (lets guess maybe 3-5 sections of 20 minutes?). Persona 2 innocent sin (cool to see me follow along despite not knowing the game), Final Fantasy IX (this one I saved, and could definitely pick up words from since I know some of the story and the lets player read everything - I should look up FFX), random stuff. 

Tried to play some games in japanese! I’m going to go with this was about 3 hours. I tried crisis core’s opening to the first save point - it was playable (I can read most of the menus), and I can follow enough text to get the overall gist - however it was draining as so much is text only (I FORGOT how much reading is in this game). Great for reading practice I suppose. Also great in that it definitely reset my expectations about what is ‘doable’ for me - however I do think KH2 is probably still the easiest game i should start trying games with (since I have so many of the controls/menu memorized and can waste less time re-reading the tutorials), and since I know so many words by memory I’ll be able to focus more on grammar (whereas in CC I was glancing through kanji trying to keep up with the live action scenes). A bit too much reading for me to tackle again for a while, it was draining lol. Then I tried persona 3 for psp - first, i like the ps2/ps3 version better ToT. Second, also somehow I could read enough to survive - but the reading again took time, a lot isn’t voiced, and there are not frequent save points. So again I just played to the first save point. That one I may try again before CC though, because a lot more of the language is daily life stuff I could glance through and speed-read-guess lol, or could actually use if I learned it. Also occassionally p3 reads out loud which is nice. I suspect the Visual Novel I got will actually be best for practice (despite me not knowing the plot at all), because I’m guessing more of the lines will be voiced. All this reading would help me more if I could hear it voiced - and I may want to watch more Lets Plays, and Audiobooks on youtube, mainly for that fact: subtitles that i can read WITH audio so i can practice listening and reading together.

Tried reading a bit! First, some mangas I had (though I only read a page of each) - mainly it was just nice to see mangas are more accessible now. they’re about as readable to me rn as manhua were in chinese at 6-8 months in. I can just about follow the main gist, more if I use a dictionary for details. Also thanks to @yue-muffin​ telling me, learned I can look up words on iphone in the web browser just by highlighting words and clicking “look up.” Life changing. That in combination with me finding some japanese scripts of Final Fantasy games online (and I’ve always been curious what localizations changed), and this has been a little reading I found myself doing just because i felt like it. I didn’t read much - the equivalent of several dialogue boxes (the games i played made me read a LOT more lol). but I liked that i could see their kana when i looked them up, sound the sentences out to myself, contemplate them (so intensive read). Also if you have Speech tools enabled on your phone, you can swipe down with 2 fingers and it will read the page aloud - I used to do that a little with chinese on dual chinese-englist mtlnovel pages since it WILL read both, but Pleco reads chinese better so unless i’m only-listening i switched to pleco for that. But for these scripts it works great! (occasionally it will read all-kanji titles like chinese though lol - not once its into japanese sentences though). I thought it was really cool I could basically emulate what I do in Pleco for chinese, in a normal web browser for Japanese. (Also, for websites, Idiom app seems to work ok for reading Aloud as well - possibly better - but ios iphone “Look up” dictionaries are MUCH better than Idiom app’s).

In summary basically I surprisingly enjoyed reading and might keep trying to do it just because its interesting. However in general, first: I really want 2k words done in Nukemarine’s LLJ courses (LLJ 7 would put me at 1k common words, LLJ 12 would put me at 2k so...), and I’d really like a better grammar foundation (Cure Dolly, or japanese audio lessons grammar, Nukemarine LLJ also obviously fits that task with the grammar portions, really anything). While I want to play games, again I just really realize... how much easier my life will be with a better basis of knowledge first lol. Reading I can do in bite size if I want, but playing games is Draining in between saves right now lol. While i CAN do it right now, unless its a game i really can tune out with (like KH2 maybe) then its just too intensive right now for me to tolerate too much of.

Also, again, I think doing Nukemarine’s LLJ decks as breaks while playing games/watching stuff is working great, going to keep doing that. And listening to audio flashcard files while I have dead time (like level grinding). I have been listening to the Chinese Spoonfed audio, but other options could be: the english-japanese Core 2k audio files, the Japanese Audio Lessons files (which once years ago I’d listen to while excerising). For now I’ve focused on Chinese Spoonfed audio because I know I need to FINISH something before jumping to something else lol. 

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French stuff I did in April:

Listened to 6 chapters of Francais Par Le Methode Nature (and read some of them - oh i missed this book its my fave way to learn and it finally has audio!!)

listened to some bits of audiobooks (i don’t even know why, i don’t know - dracula, frankenstein, carmilla, sherlock)

read a little of Le Petit Prince (idk 3 chapters? browsing my book after finishing in chinese and... ok my heart is still a bit ;-; ... i’m gonna need to recover from this story...)

read a bit of dracula (again... idk why... also it was kind of a L R Method step 2 attempt in that I listened to audio too, but really I mainly just... read)

L R Method: 2 Chapters of Alice in Wonderland (step 2, because I have not tried step 3 yet). 

What is funny as hell to me is both how many words I look up when I contemplate intensive reading (again life changed by the fact i can just highlight words and click “word lookup” on my phone). But also how I already... know I can thoroughly read without doing it. Like... yes I can look up a word I fuzzy-know to get clarification, but even my phone auto-gives me french-french dictionary first and sometimes only (is it because my google is in french), i’ve been used to french definitions only for years.. and also like... i know when i read a whole paragraph i get whatever words were fuzzy before? just read some of dracula again today and its fine. its fine. again informational texts are easier for me - but dracula being a lot of letters ‘describing what happened’ suits me quite easily (and somehow manages to be less annoying to me than the english version). like... alice in wonderland was probably the harder for all the quick adjectives/verbs used in just one or two paragraphs when i was still re-remembering vocabulary i used to know lol. Like... in a dream world i’d love to test L R Method and see HOW MUCH it can teach a person. But like... while french would be the easiest to test it with? I kind of realize i’m also at a point in french where i have more benefit just continuing to read in french and listen in french (to fix my poor listening skills). referencing the english is not really... particularly necessary, it just usually slows me down. while i’m missing a LOT of words for fluent speaking/grammatically ok speaking - i don’t think listening reading method would really help me with that, since reading sure hasn’t. if any readng material might it’s francais par le methode nature just because it drills simple correct grammar construction, and reinforces it, and teaches grammar through context. but all my other reading materials... are more comprehension... 

Anyway in SUMMARY wow i did a lot more than i expected this month!

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Next months goals!

Chinese May Goals:

***Read anything. Great plan, has been working great. Ideally I would like to: finish Xiao Mao book one, and then either continue another Xiao Mao novel or start one of the other stories rated 2+ ease. I am considering  许三观卖血记 because its about as easy as the little prince, I’ve read an excerpt and its historical fiction so generally practical. Or  流星·蝴蝶·剑 by Gu Long if I want to work on a base in wuxia words from an easier novel. Or  他们的故事 by 一根黄瓜丝儿 if I’m ready to return to it - although this one is longer (the other stories being more like 12-20 chapters) so I’d prefer to save this for later. For any of these - look words up as desired since I’ll read them in Pleco. Ideally as my ‘harder’ reading I would like to either continue hanshe (intensive reading), or continue guardian (extensive reading) - so its a matter of if I want to look words up.

***Continue listening to Chinese Spoonfed Audio (please can i Finish it please ;-;)

Optional: experiment with Listening Reading Method. With the finding of those videos on youtube, I’d like to make my life literally as easy and streamlined as possible and literally just TEST L R Method by doing it with a few of the videos I found. It literally cannot get easier than premade videos with audio.

Other optional: listen to misc audio (I would love the time to watch the tian ya ke audiodrama WITH its subtitles then listen without again), watch shows, read Alan Hoenig’s Chinese Characters (i doubt this will happen), do some of my Radical-hanzi book. 

Japanese May Goals:

***Continue: Nukemarine’s LLJ courses - ideally finish LLJ 4 Part 2, LLJ 5, and start LLJ 6. (this truly can be basically my only study method if I can’t do more). THIS IS THE PRIORITY. The quicker I get ALL of this done, the more of a foundation I will have to do Anything else.

Hopefully: Continue some kind of grammar explanation beyond Nukemarine’s stuff - either Tae Kim (unlikely but i was at chapter 10 before), Cure Dolly (i’m on 6), Japanese Audio Lessons Grammar, Japanese in 30 Hours while writing japanese in (I’m on page 24). Again this is a higher priority as it will make anything else easier.

Optional: Reading in any form - so video game time, lets plays, audiobook youtube with captions, actual reading as desired (like scripts). Including this because I know I will eventually try again lol.

Optional: listening in any form - so another musical! maybe listen to japanese audio lessons, or the core 2k audio, or a lets play, etc. I find I’m probably less likely to listen to something but it might happen!

French May Goals*:

*aka if I feel like doing it because french has no real goals at the moment! -3-)/

***Continue watching Le Francais Par Le Methode Nature videos. (There’s only 33, they’re like 10 minutes long or less, its about basics, PLEASE). I remember this book took forever to read 1/3 of when i was an upper beginner, well now surely its less slow going? especially because read aloud its as fast as the speakers voice! so it is not time consuming and i’ve wanted to finish this book forever! i could at least finish it up to where the audio files match to!

Read???? Read??? Honestly I’ve just been wanting to read Dracula and Carmilla in French its a vibe I’ve been in. Its not high priority or anything but hey it might happen. If it does happen, ideally I’d like to listen to an audiobook too around the same time (maybe after, or have the page read, idk). Just because while reading refreshes my vocab, what I really want to build up is listening/pronunciation. To get to a point where I can listen and shadow would be nice. 

Tied to above, try L R Method? Not a high priority, though it would be super easy to test! Just because I already started testing it with Alice in Wonderland... but that basically amounts to just reading practice with audio again, for me.

I found Merlin in french so THAT is a thing.

Honestly the only thing I really want to do ‘study’ wise in french is finish that freaking book, especially now that I can listen to audio with it. It’s a nice foundation and I’d really like a refresher/fill in any big gaps in my learning. Anything else about french written here is mostly a reminder to myself to LISTEN to audio when possible, and try and improve that skill a bit if I go and read. 

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Real fast CORE SUMMARY:

Chinese: READ easier stories rated 2+ and keep getting through some, in combination with reading the harder hanshe and Guardian. Also listen to Chinese Spoonfed audio whenever u remember! Attempt some L-R method with the youtube videos you found. Immerse as desired.

Japanese: continue Nukemarine LLJ courses. Also do some grammar study somewhere, and immerse as desired.

French: listen/listen-read to Francais Par Le Methode Nature. Also read/listen as desired - ideally combining the activities.

*in all cases, where possible, combine listening-reading or try to practice both skills. (So reading in Pleco - play audio afterward to practice, play Guardian condensed audio in down time, with audiodramas follow subs when possible, when immersing with anything try L-R like strategies to add practice with both skills). 

Dog Years // Harry Styles O.U.

Part 3: The Bookstore

a/n: hey everyone! welcome to part 3 of dog years. sorry it took so long on the update -- i just got back to college. i hope you enjoy this chapter!!! i personally consider it harry’s very subtle way of opening up to people (how i’d imagine it) as always like, SHARE, COMMENTS, feedback, all appreciated!!! xoo

STORY PAGE I PART ONE I PART TWO

To be fair I didn’t hear from Jeff or Harry for two whole days. I was starting to feel like they lowkey didn’t want me to be part of their ‘team’ anymore. I couldn’t be bothered even if they didn’t, because at the end of the day I worked for Eve, not them. But at the same time all I could do was sit and recollect about my night with all of them. Everything seemed to go so well, and i really thought they liked me. I liked them.

So since Eve figured my pay was now around the clock, if I wasn’t doing anything that I needed to do be doing something. It was just a bunch of menial tasks like picking up  garbage around the premises, scooping up vile dog shit and what not. Honestly, it kind of sucked. I rather be fetching candles and dropping them off to Harry.

But finally it was Sunday and it was my day off. A part of me wanted to go back to my nans house, stop in and say hi. Then I remembered Sunday’s were her brunch and bingo days and she went out with all her cute old lady friends. I was starting to feel extremely lonely.

So I was left to myself in my little cottage. It was pretty relaxing, but all the time cooped up in here was becoming boring and repetitive. And to think I had 4 months left of this. Just sitting in my bed scrolling through shopping sites putting tons of clothes in a cart I’d never get around to purchasing. Even being payed around the clock wasn’t enough to buy a whole new wardrobe.

So yes, I was starting to get a little antsy that I heard nothing from Harry or Jeff. I sneakily biked by Harry’s cottage multiple times to see if he was still there throughout the two days, and his car was still parked in the driveway each time. I hadn’t seen him even around the premises at all doing anything. Or anyone from his group for that matter. I tried to tell myself by the end of the first day that they were all just super hungover. I knew that was a stretch but it eased my mind. Then yesterday rolled around and I had no comforting excuses for why I hadn’t heard from them.

I expressed my worry to Eve and she insisted that they were probably just getting settled. Okay, I’ll take that. That’s got to be it, right?

As I continued to worry in my head about what may have gone wrong I reached for my phone. Nope, no messages. Fuck. This was quickly becoming a bad habit, constantly checking my phone. Bravely I pressed Jeff’s contact, hovering my thumb over the call option. Should I try to reach out? Eh. Sighing, I locked the phone and tossed it to my side. If they needed me, they would act on it. I didn’t want to be a nuisance and bother any of them.

Focusing my attention back on my laptop I popped open a new tab on my Safari browser. I began typing his name, enter and then search.

Instantly an endless amount of brand new and just days old articles displayed across my screen. Harry Styles this, Harry Styles that. There was one recurring theme throughout all of these article titles though, a girls name - Camille.

“Camille Rowe, ex lover of musician Harry Styles states that he’s ‘overly jealous and begged her to stay when they broke up!’ Oh no, poor H. Read more here.”

“Apparently Harry Styles is a Freak in the Sheets! Ex Girlfriend Camille Rowe recollects on her sex life with the pop star in her new book ’Truth Be Told.’”

“Feeling bad about getting cheated on? Don’t feel bad,Harry Styles has been in your shoes too...his ex girlfriend opens up about the mistakes she made that ultimately led to the lyrics of Harry’s sophomore album, Fine Line.”

I couldn’t help but let out a gasp, all this couldn’t be true, could it? I exited out of the tab quickly, afraid to go on and read more of those terrible headlines. I honestly felt bad if all that was true, and if Harry’s ex girlfriend really did that, then I could only imagine how he might be feeling.

I could tell Harry really valued his privacy, why else would he be out here in the middle of nowhere in complete hiding? I thought back to him telling me how he had a disdain for California, I was now beginning to think she had some sort of connection to it. Poor Harry. Almost instantly I was feeling guilty, like I invaded Harry’s privacy by seeing all of those headlines. Imagining what the whole world most think and know of him right now is extremely unsettling. To bring up how he has sex and his most vulnerable moments and just like everyone know about it, it’s beyond fucked up.

Ting.

The world has a funny way of working making connections sometimes. Deep down in my gut I had a feeling it’d be Harry or Jeff who left me a text, it just had to be. Before I even reached my phone I saw the capital H, I knew it was Harry. Of course, he was texting me now, after I saw all that and felt so fucking bad. If he was any other person I’d ask if he wanted to have a nice chat, bring over some ice cream and wine and help him relax.

I wasn’t slow to swipe up on the message and see what he wrote.

‘Hiiiii Colette. Hope you’re well, it’s Harry. Have a huge favor to ask you whenever you get the chance. X”

Hah, he’s acting me for a favor as if I’m not getting paid to help him with whatever he needs. He’s too nice. I didn’t hesitate to start typing back.

‘Hi, Harry! How are you? I’ve been just well! As for the favor...sure anything :)”

Not even five seconds later my phone was vibrating and ringing at the same time, Harry’s name flashing across the screen. Ah, so he’s one of those people who have to make phone calls for everything. My hands felt like jelly as I went to accept the call. Even though we had a great night, him not talking to me for a couple days made me rethink how great that night might’ve actually been. Maybe I was just super tipsy and thought it was amazing when it was just subpar.

“Hello?” I chimed, placing the phone to my ear.

His deep Americanized-British accent greeted me, “Morning Colette!” He sounded extra chirpy this morning.

“Harry! Haven’t heard from you in a while..” I replied nervously.

There was a small pause. “Sorry ‘bout that just keeping busy and what not. I meant to text but, I was so preoccupied I forgot. ‘M sorry, won’t pull something like that again.”

My heart felt like it was being squeezed, my intention was never to make him feel bad but I could sense that I did. I wondered how stressful it was on him always being so kind to everyone, literally everyone. At all times of the day.  I had a feeling that most of the time he was putting on an act when deep down he was just having real human problems that he had to keep tucked away.

“Don’t apologize,” I rushed. “It’s fine, seriously. What’s up?”

“A little bit of this, a little bit of that,” He joked. I could hear his soft chuckle from the other line. “Sunday’s.”

“The most relaxing day,” I noted, it was true.

“Relaxing enough where I feel like I should take some time and start a book.”

Oh, fuck. There wasn’t much enthusiasm in his voice anymore. I had a feeling I knew where all of this was heading, and I didn’t like it.

“Any day is a great day to start a book,” I suggested trying to hide my nerves. The universe really was one giant head fuck.

“Actually the favor I was going to ask you,” Harry drawled, a slight tinge of hesitation is his voice. “I really want this specific book.”

Yep, this was his heading right where I thought it would.

“Ooo which one?” I questioned excitedly, like I didn’t know. I was really hoping he’d take me by surprise and say that new Twilight book or something.

“It’s called Truth Be Told. Actually, bet it’s sold out everywhere. Can’t even Amazon fuckin’ Prime it.” He laughed. Maybe he was taking this a lot lighter than I thought...?

“Y’ know what. I don’t need it. Um, do you have any book recs?” Harry rushed.

“If you want that book I’ll go out in town and look for it, but if not I do have some recommendations,” I offered.

“Okay, how ‘bout this? I’ll lend you my car and could you get me that uh, Truth book or whatever and also, get me a book you recommend for me and I have one I recommend for you.”

“You trust me in your car? I just only started to learn to drive on the opposite side of the road,” I admitted with a smile, not like he could see it.

“If ya crash my car, I wouldn’t even try coming back...avoid the wrath of Harry Styles at all costs,” He countered.

“Uh-oh I’m scared,” I fake gasped.

“Hm, should be. I’m not like the papers say, ‘m actually a real diva.”

I was starting to really like this conversation.

“A lot of work, huh?”

“You think you can handle it?”

It’s like I could hear his smirk through the phone. This conversation went really, might I say flirtatious, really fast. I knew it was just his personality and I shouldn’t over think it. But if there is one thing I loved in life, it was a good flirt. And Harry, he was good at it.

I must have been zoned out for a moment because I heard Harry awkwardly clear his throat when I didn’t reply back to his flirtatious line.

“So ‘m gonna pick you up actually. We’ll go back to mine and then you can head off to get those books? Sound good?” He spoke into the line.

“Oh yeah, sure.”

“See ya soon.”

With a click, the call was finished. As much as I wanted to sit back and recollect on what the fuck went down in that call I knew I needed to get out of bed and make myself presentable. He didn’t give me an ETA so I assumed I didn’t have much time on the clock.

I ran to my overflowing duffle, with all the time on my hands I really needed to get around to unpacking it. Was it bad that I wanted to try to look a little more dressed up than just jeans and a tee?

Yep, it was probably bad because I shouldn’t care how I look in front of him.

“Ugh!” I exclaimed, rummaging through all the wrinkled clothing. I settled on black jeans and a black blouse. It looked a bit funeral-esque, I’m hoping it came off as chic. I’d look like a rag doll next to him anyway, the least I could do was try.

He really wanted to go and get his ex girlfriend’s book, huh? I don’t know why he’d want to do that to himself, either way I was going to play dumb as rocks when he gave me the list of the name and author of the book. It’s not entirely an act though, I just read a few headlines. Correction, I just google searched his name and scrolled throw a bunch of headlines about how you have sex and cry — how terrible that would sound if he knew it was true. I will be taking that one to the grave with me.

I swore not even 5 minutes had passed by and the purring of Harry’s engine was already echoing through my house. He was only up the hill after all, but he gave me absolutely zero time to fix myself up. I just had to suck it up and go out there with my frizzy hair and oily skin and tough it out.

But that wasn’t even my biggest concern, my biggest concern was the fact I, a shit driver in the first place, was now being trusted to drive Harry’s extremely fancy Range Rover to a book store of some sorts somewhere. As soon as we traded off the car my plan was to start Google mapping a place and praying that it was close. The quicker I’m in and out of that vehicle, the better.

My phone pinged.

Harry.

“Should’ve gone to the bathroom before I left. Can I come in for a quick wee? X”

I just couldn’t get a break, my bathroom was cluttered with skincare products and dirty clothes piling on the side. I ran to the bathroom swiping up the dirty clothes and tossing them in an empty drawer in the dresser. He’ll just have to excuse all my beauty products, I didn’t want to keep him waiting too long.

“Come in!!!” I texted him back.

The sound of a car door slam was almost instantly followed by a polite knock at my door. Although the cottages were spread far apart I rushed over to the door, not wanting him to stay outside too long, afraid he might get noticed.

I peered through the peephole and was blessed by the handsome looks of Harry. He was tapping his foot against the cobblestone, the hood of his Nike rain jacket pulled over his head completely, while his hair was covered by a black beanie. Even being so covered up he was still so good looking. I opened the door for him, allowing him inside.

“Hi there,” He grinned as I welcomed him in. I’d love to chat but ‘m actually bout to wee my pants. Give me a moment please.”

Harry then fast walked his way over to the bathroom, obviously familiar with the floor plan. He must’ve stayed in one of the smaller cottages before. The smell of his heavenly cologne suffocated the room instantly. I knew I’d still be smelling it lingering in the air even later on tonight.

All the rushing to get ready and let him in, I wasn’t even focused on my stomach which was knotting like crazy. It felt like it could explode from nerves at just any minute. I don’t remember ever feeling this nervous when I had to see him. Granted I’ve only seen him those two times, but I played it off so cool then. I think I was just working myself up over nothing right now.

I heard the sound of running water and momentarily the steps of his shoes making their way back over to me.

“Can we redo the greeting?” He questioned with a big smile.

“Ok..”

“No, ‘m actually just going to pop outside, knock again and everything,” Harry insisted seriously.

“I’ll pretend like you didn’t just rush to the bathroom like a toddler who hasn’t gone to the bathroom all day,” I agreed, going along with his little act.

“Great.”

Harry popped open the front door, shutting it behind him and going back into the hazy morning air, doing a quick spin before making contact with the door once again.

Knock.

I couldn’t help but giggle as I opened up the door for him the second time.

“Morning Colette, how are ya doing on this fine September morning?” Harry asked me extra cheerily, creeping in for a hug. I embraced him back, the scent of his cologne engulfing my senses once again.

“Doing just fine Mr. Styles. Could I offer you some tea?” I asked in a proper tone, putting on my best imitation of a British accent.

Harry rolled his eyes, breaking the act...”That’s the best you got? You’ve only bloody been staying in England for a whole month.”

“Is it that bad?” I asked appalled.

“Terrible.”

“Better luck next time.” I sighed jokingly.

“Don’t even try. I like your voice just how it is naturally, anyway,” He spoke honestly. The second it left his mouth he too looked taken aback at the compliment he had just thrown at me.

“Want to go get those books?” I suggested awkwardly, dismissing his compliment and changing the topic. Back to business.

Harry seemed surprised by how I brushed it off and maybe even a little embarrassed, his finger began fiddling with his bottom lip. I was starting to pick up that was a little thing he did when he was nervous.

“The books. How could I forget,” He replied dully.

“If i’m being honest I don’t even know where a book store is around here,” I huffed.

“I do,” He smirked.

“Well that’s no help considering I’m going by myself,” I rolled my eyes back at him playfully.

Harry was leaning his body weight on the wooden table by the entrance, a huge smirk painted on his face.

“Guess you’re outta luck then.”

“Would it be bad if I asked for you to come with and guide me?” I asked bravely. I was taking myself by surprise with how upfront I was being towards him. It was just so hard not to be when he was just so normal.

His face dropped a little. I couldn’t tell what sort of reaction he was feeling towards my question but he looked upset. I instantly regretted it because I know my request was about to be rejected.

“As much as I’d love to...” Harry began. “I can’t.”

“Stupid of me to ask,” I replied casually brushing it off. I wanted to change the topic.

“No, it’s not. Maybe I’m better off ordering books online, anyways.”

“I mean, I could still, go get it for you. Something to do.”

Harry brushed it off, shoving his hands in his sweat pockets. “Nope, don’t want you to anymore..the ratings weren’t even that good.”

Oh wow, Harry has some pettiness in him. I couldn’t blame him though. I think anybody else would feel the same way. I wanted to just reach out and tell him I knew why he wanted that book, and that it’s not even worth a bother. I really felt for him. I too had a bad ex, as we typically all do. I can’t say it was as bad as Harry’s past relationship, but mine was bad in it’s own unique way.

“Fuck it.” He mumbled before turning his gaze back towards me. “Let’s go get them books.”

I was surprised, “Really?”

“I hate to do this and act like a macho pop star  but ‘m really gonna have to go incognito. Can’t even step out the car with ya unfortunately, but I’ll drive us.”

My heart warmed at his offer, I knew he was probably going against what his strict hiding rules were in order to go through with this. If he was just driving a heavily tinted car though, was there still a way for paparazzi to notice him? I was excited, I think he could tell because he let out a small giggle, shaking his head.

“Let’s hit the road then!” I exclaimed.

“After you,” He grinned, holding the door open in front of me and leading me to his car.

_________________

The ride with Harry was going well. He had a incognito get up of sunglasses, a beanie and his hood up, making sure there was no way someone could detect it was him. His car smelled like fresh leather and mint, there was an abundance of chewing gum packets stashed in the front compartment of his car along with miscellaneous receipts. Lucky for the both of us, the roads were almost completely clear and there was no traffic heading into town.

Harry was just as attractive looking while driving as I thought he would be. To be fair there was something so enticing about having any guy drive all manly and taking control. But especially Harry driving was a beautiful sight to see. The background music of the radio was humming in the background as the two of us chatted along casually.

“How are you going to recommend me a book if you can’t even come in?” I questioned him.

He turned to me, “Who said I’m not coming in?”

“You did!”

“Might just be your lucky day then,” He smirked. “Do you have a good recommendation in mind for me? Shall we surprise one another?”

I nodded my head, “Sounds like a plan.”

“No soppy romantic books, please,” He scoffed.

“But those are my favorites!”

“Don’t care. I’ve probably read all the best of them anyways,” Harry argued back, a huge smirk painted on his face.

Deep down I knew already which book I was going to pick out for him if it was there. I didn’t care if it was a romantic one or not because I had a feeling he hadn’t read it yet and I had an ever greater feeling that he’d fall in love with it.

The two of us went back and forth chatting to each other another until we began to reach a cobblestone path that led to a small selection of shops. The plaza was secluded and had just a few small buildings overgrown with ivy unevenly placed amongst one another. I’d say there was a max of 5 or 6 cars in the whole parking lot. To be fair, we were pretty far out of town I’d say we had been driving for at least 20 minutes.

“You ready?” He questioned. I could tell there was a hint of nerves in his voice. He was awkwardly fiddling with his wallet and pushing his hood down. He was now just left with his oversized black beanies and sunglasses as his ‘disguise.’

“Are you sure you want to do this? You don’t have to,” I insisted earnestly. I didn’t want to push him to be in a situation that could get messy really quick.

“I’ll be fine here,” Harry reasoned, turning his gaze to the entrance of a little shop by the name of ‘Greg’s Books and More.’

“If anything goes bad, it wasn’t my fault!”

I didn’t want to be responsible for anything that might ensue, after all Harry was the one who insisted to walk in the shop with me. I had a good feeling that we’d be set though, there was literally nobody around and we were far from any major city with large amounts of people.

The two of us hopped out simultaneously shutting the car doors together. Walking side by side with him in the bright daylight made me more aware of the height difference between us, one I had barely ever noticed before. His single strides were equivalent to almost double mine and his shoulders were just a slight amount higher than my eye level.

“Good morning!” A sweet old man, short and stout greeted us from behind a counter of the shop. Harry and I both waved back.

“Morning sir, how are ya doing today?” Harry asked kindly, stopping short to stand and talk to the man.

“Just having a cuppa, enjoying the Sunday,” The man replied. “Let me know if you two kids have any questions.”

I shot the man another small smile before turning to Harry. “May the best book picker win?” I joked.

“You’ve got 10 minutes.”

“1...2..” I began counting down, but before I could even reach the number three, Harry was already rushing to the rows of books, an agenda already on his mind. He seemed so confident in what he was going to pick that I soon began to re think what I was going to choose for his book.

I hurriedly rushed to the other side of the bookstore, scanning the shelves with my eyes. The shop was small and I could hear Harry rummaging through shelves on the opppsite side. I had 10 minutes to find the book I had in mind, something I loved that I wanted to pass on to Harry.

The thought of trading off books to someone who a very intimate gesture, an invitation to be apart of another’s brain. I still couldn’t believe I was here right now with Harry Styles, a now friend, spending my Sunday out and about the town. I knew it was my day off but I knew when I arrived back to my cottage I’d want to inform Eve.

As my eyes panned over the endless covers and names of authors and titles a familiar bright blue and green cover popped up. Ah, I knew what this was. Before I had even fully removed it from the shelf, the yellow cursive script was already showing.

Love is a Mix Tape.

Given his career in music I knew right away this would be the perfect book for him. I had read it months ago, but the impact it left on me remained the same. A story not specifically circled around romance, but hints at the struggles of love and loss. It was funny and a joy to read.

I looked over the book making sure there were no imperfections, torn pages or bent covers. Luckily there was none, I angled it to my side hiding it just in case he’d pop out of of nowhere.

Walking up to the cash register there was no sign of him, he was probably still amongst the jungle of books so I took this as my invitation to check out.

“Hi,” I chirped to the old man who sat behind the desk, his glasses almost falling off his face as he read through the book in front of him.

“Hello there love, you all set?” He asked, walking over to the vintage-like cash register.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” I put the book down between us already beginning to reach in my purse for my wallet. I really hoped Harry hasn’t read this one yet.

“Can I just give you money to cover both my book and the other customers? Like, pass it on..” I spoke handing the man almost triple the amount of my single book. He looked at me inquisitively and then began to smile.

“I’m sure that young man will appreciate it,” He smiles, a glimmer of knowingness in his eyes.  I knew the gesture was small and i knew money was not a problem for him but I had such an urge to just do it anyways.

I thanked the man as he wrapped up the book and placed it in a brown paper bag, graciously taking it from him. Harry was still amongst the jungle of shelves and I didn’t want to prowl or cause attention so I decided to wait outside the store. The air was fresh and crisp, the sound of chirping birds and whistling trees engulfed my senses. I’m almost sure Harry had reached his 10 minute mark, but I wasn’t going to rush him. I had a feeling it was a rare occurrence for him to be able to aimlessly shop around, crowd free.

“Ya ready?” His voice erupted behind me, the bell of the door pinging in the quiet air. I turned to face him, his paper bag tucked underneath his arm.

“Not really,” I joked, it wasn’t a complete lie though. I wouldn’t mind shopping around with him in little hideaways all day. Harry caught up to me and we began the short walk back to his car in quiet. As my hand began to reach the handle he quickly swooped in front of me, opening it himself. I looked at him with a stupid look on my face, in awe of a gentleman.

“Oh thanks,” I spoke sheepishly.

“My pleasure.”

I hopped in and moments later Harry was back in the drivers seat beside me pressing the car on and pumping up the heat.

“Thanks, by the way.” He gestured to the paper bag.

“Oh, not a problem at all! Random acts of kindness or whatever,” I brushed it off.

“Not used to someone covering the bill,” He admitted. “Not like that type of stuff matters to me.”

“Well don’t even worry about it.”

“I’ll get you back next time,” He noted.

Next time. So there’s going to be a next time? A next time of us going to the book store? A next time of us hanging out? A next time of what?

“Should we swap these books or what?” I questioned, changing the topic once again.

“So eager, huh?” Harry laughed.

“Well we’re just sitting here in a empty parking lot, you have any other suggestions?”

“You’re right,” He quipped. “Here you are then.”

The two of us exchanged the bags. He lifted it to his ear, shaking it as if it was a surprise gift and he was trying to guess what it could be.

“Just get on with it!” I exclaimed.

“Hush, hush.” He began opening it, very carefully, soon revealing the book I had chosen for him.

“Lucky for you, I’ve never read this. Thank you,” He seemed very grateful as he looked over the front cover, going back and forth between the pages quickly. “I’m excited.”

“Thank God,” I huffed. “I was nervous you’d have read it before.”

“Nope, never. You did good,” Harry compliments, his eyes falling back to my unopened bag in my hands. “Now it’s your turn.”

Oh, yeah.

“I hate when people watch me open stuff,” I admitted. My hand was toying with the bag as I looked at him nervously. I didn’t like people watching me because I was afraid that I wouldn’t give off the right reaction to whatever they may have given me. It was too much pressure, and especially Harry watching me so intently it made me nervous.

“Want me to turn away?” He offered earnestly. “I know people like that, my sister.”

“Maybe just like causally look out the car or whatever.”

Immediately he began fiddling with his windshield wipers, intently focusing on them as if they were some sort of puzzle. I wanted to tell him not to use them when it wasn’t raining and it’d damage the car, but I’m sure he knew that. I took that as my queue to quickly unpack-age the book, afraid he might cause damage.

When I opened it up it revealed not one but two books. The one on top made my heart sink, I recognized the title right away. It was his ex girlfriends book. Why would he give this one to me? Should I act like I know what it is and what it’s about? No. Play dumb. Underneath it though, was a book by the name of ‘Betting On The Muse’ by Charles Bakowski. Ah, poetry.

“You done yet slowpoke?” Harry interrupted  my thoughts, the two books sat between my lap.

“You can look,” I complied. “Are they both for me?”

“Yes,” He replied simply. “But, I have some stipulations.”

“This wasn’t a part of the deal.”

“I would like if you read the Bukowski book first. It’s poems, I want you to read them and guess which one is my favorite when you’re finished,” He instructed sweetly. Although there was direction in his tone, it came off so kind. “As for the other one..” He paused and then let out a huff.

“I don’t even want you to touch it,” He continued. “Don’t look it up, reviews, synopsis...anything.”

“Okay,” I agreed. I was confused but I didn’t want to let that on.

“One day, if I give you the ‘ok’ I want you to read it. If you want. You don’t have to listen to me by any means, but yeah,” He finished awkwardly.

“So just hold onto it?” I asked, holding up the Truth Be Told book. His eyes glimpsed down to it before quickly shooting back up to meet my gaze. The cover was what I was assuming to be her, his ex. Her hair was messy, lips full, topless with her arms covering her breasts in shades of black and white.

“Yeah, just hold on to it,” He stated.

“You’ve got my word,” I smiled. I could feel the tension in the car and I didn’t want it anymore. This was supposed to be a lighthearted excursion and I wanted to keep it that way.

“Great, well thank you for the books. I’ll start mine right away,” Harry began as he started the car once again. “You ready to take back off?”

I nodded watching him look over the book I had gotten him one last time. He smiled at it before turning to smile towards me. I smiled back. He then brought his hand to the radio, clicked a few things on his iPhone and then turned the notch up loudly. As he began to pull out of the cobblestone parking lot, the beautiful sound of his voice filled the car. This time it was in song.

Making Marty McFly’s Denim Jacket (Sort of??)

If you saw my post the other day, you know that in a haze of exhaustion & poor impulse control, I ordered a denim jacket & fabric paint at 2am in order to attempt recreating Marty’s jacket. Well, I DID IT. Almost. Not really.

Anyway, here’s what happened, in case anyone is interested. (I’m hiding it under a ‘keep reading’ in case you don’t wish to be subjected to the novel I am about to write)

A few weeks back, I was thinking about how much I wanted that jacket Marty wears, but if you’ve ever tried to buy a replica, you know they’re mad expensive. I checked a few sites and was like, yeah, no way. But then I was like, WhY Do’Nt I JuSt MaKe My OwN??! It will be easy, right?

No. Wrong. 

First of all, do you know how difficult it is to find a denim jacket that has pockets like that at the bottom and NOT in the chest? I scrolled through over 250 pages of denim jackets from various sites and could not find a single one that had pockets like Marty’s. If I did stumble across one that was similar, it was the wrong color, had a zillion other pockets, or wasn’t my size (I checked a lot of vintage jackets from online thrift stores). So...I gave up & decided to abandon the idea. Side note: If any of you do find a jacket that’s styled like Marty’s...please don’t even tell me. It will only bring heartache.

Then the other night I was like, “You know what? I don’t CARE if it isn’t accurate. I just want something that looks similar!! >=( “ So I just found a style I liked & ordered it. It should be arriving tomorrow.

“But wait, Nikki....didn’t you say you already made the jacket??” -you

Yes. Yes, I did. Because you see, last night I was just going about my life when my brain decided it couldn’t possibly wait two whole days for it to be delivered. Instead, how about I wait no whole days, & just make the jacket right then and there?? I already had a different denim jacket that I’d had for years & blue fabric paint, so I just pulled it out and got to work. 

So, Marty’s jacket is primarily a gray-ish color, & depending on the scene the blue parts kind of vary in blue-ness. The fabric paints I had were Arteza “Egyptian Blue” & Jacquard “Sapphire Blue.” I ended up going with the latter option, even though they were pretty similar to each other. 

I sat and meticulously painted the top portion of the jacket (which was really relaxing??) & then did the triangular points on the sleeves. I used painter’s tape to outline where I wanted it & then just painted the inside. 

Since this jacket doesn’t have the correct pocket placement, I just decided to accent the little side pockets it does have at the bottom. Again, I was just aiming for something reminiscent of Marty’s jacket, because that was about all I could do. 

Anyway, this is how it ultimately turned out. Does it look like Marty’s? Nope. The pockets are wrong, the actual denim color is wrong, the painted parts are too blue (though I think it’ll fade if I wash it a few times).

But do I think it looks rad & am I gonna wear it constantly once fall hits? YES.

(& if I ever find a jacket that I think will work better, I’d totally try this project over again with some changes!)

Survey #327

starting to run outta steam... haha.

What design is on your shower curtain? It doesn't have one. Did you get in trouble for cussing on accident when you were a kid? Ha ha yeah, for yelling "HOLY SHIT!" once, lmao. Ever made a snow angel? Yeah. Do you laugh at racial jokes? Absolutley not. What’s the highest you can count in a different language? 999, in German. How’s your flirting skills? I wouldn't know, ask those I've flirted with. Have you ever cried over a breakup? For a whole year and then some. I still have episodes. What does your dream life look like? Living isolated in the woods by a river and waterfall with a fantastic spouse, me being a very successful photographer and at least somewhat above *just* financially "stable," maybe having at least one poem published, lots of pets (mostly snakes), plenty of travel opportunities (mostly for photography), being free of my social anxiety and actually being reasonably confident, back in great physical shape... I'm really daydreaming now. What’s something you wish would happen, but know won’t? bleh Where did you meet your current or last significant other? YouTube, back when it was a much more social platform. Do you enjoy wine? No, it's way too bitter. What did you last ask your parents permission for? I asked Mom if I could snack on some chocolate chips she was saving for fudge (since Christmastime...). She was fine with it. Periods are fun. Do you get annoyed when you hear babies crying? I shouldn't, but I do. Me and babies just don't mix. Why were you in a waiting room the last time? I was at a doctor's appointment. What’s your lawyer’s name? I don’t have one. Do you own a lot of scarves? I don't think I own any... Would you ever get a face tattoo? I doubt it, but maybe something very small and subtle. Are your expecting anything in the mail? No. What would you like to see out of your window everyday instead of what you see now? Nature. The woods. Would you rather have a house exterior made from wood, brick, or stucco? Aesthetically, wood, but I don't support the continuation of wood housing in a society where we have many other options that don't harm the environment as much. So, realistically, brick. What is your favorite breakfast? Cinnamon rolls. Do you own a diamond ring? No. Have you ever stripped? No. Do you remember the last movie you saw while on a date? IT with Girt. Whose house did you last sleep over at? Sara's. Yes or no: foreplay? Lmao who the fuck does it w/o foreplay first. Would you ever record you having sex? No fucking way. Something nobody’d ever guess about you? I used to be in great shape. Would you like to be a journalist? I actually wouldn't mind it. It was almost my minor the last time I was in college, actually, but the required courses were a no-no for me. Last year for school, we had an assignment where we had to choose a popular song to write a story based on. What song would you’ve picked? I don't know popular songs, so I'm picking any song. Off the top of my head, given my love for dark and morbid shit, maybe "Voyeur" by Otep. That song is messed up as fuck. No, it's actually not about sex, 'cuz I ain't interested in writing about that. Did the vacuum scare you as a child? I don't think it did. Do you have a long driveway? No, it's actually very short. Have you ever begged someone to stay with you? Oh yes. Are you friends with anyone missing one of their five senses? Not to my knowledge. Are you good at Pac Man? I'm no better than anyone else. Do you have an embarrassing period story? If so, what is it? No. Have you ever gotten high off a prescription medication? No. Do you prefer tampons or pads? Tampons. Pads are mega uncomf. How old were you when your parents talked to you about puberty? I don't know, actually. What stereotype do you fit the most? Geek, maybe? Emo? Idk. If you’re a worshipper, how do you worship? I don't worship anything. What’s your favorite pain reliever? Advil. Do you have a lot of people blocked on Facebook? Not a lot, no. Does your father have facial hair? Yes. Have you ever had a hamster? Yeah, we went through a few. All of 'em were evil. Grape or strawberry jelly? Absolutely grape. What language would you most like to know fluently? German. Do you remember the last song you slow danced to? "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin. Do you plan on having alcohol at your wedding? I don't know. Do you have an idea of who you might kiss next? I know who I WANT to kiss next, but that doesn't mean it'll happen. I hate psychic questions. Who’s the most controlling person you know? She's not in my life anymore. Do you own a microphone? No. Do you enjoy trailers at the cinema? I do. Name a pet you definitely wouldn’t want. A centipede, to name one. I've gotten more into the idea of owning invertebrates, and centipedes are in that hobby, but they creep me the fuck out. They're cool to watch, but I don't want one in my house. Do you have a picture of you throwing up the peace sign? Yeah, it's actually one of my favorite pictures of me without makeup. Has a very "me" vibe. Do you enjoy romantic movies, even when they’re cliche? Ha, yeah. Can you tell the difference between a Scottish and an Irish accent? Nope. Can you read music? Probably not anymore. Ever sang someone to sleep? No. What is the movie that you have waited the longest for/which film do you remember anticipating the most/are still anticipating? Finding Dory takes the cake. What is something that an interested guy/girl could comment about you, that would make you instantly open to them (e.g., “That book you’re reading is from my favorite author”)? If you compliment my Markiplier tattoo because you get it, we are immediately family. Out of all your usernames for websites, which one is your favorite? Do you use it for more than one site? Ozzkat. I use it essentially everywhere. Have you ever spent the whole day (or multiple days) just looking up one thing on the internet (e.g., videos of your favorite band, how-to videos, quizzes, etc.)? HA, way more than once. Hyperfixation is a friend of mine. Bow ties on guys, dorky or adorable? C U T E ! ! ! What are your thoughts on mini-skirts or mini-dresses? ALSO C U T E ! ! ! Have you ever died in one of your dreams? Yes. What appliance in your kitchen do you use the most often? The microwave. Do you use Skype to talk to your friends? Sara, yes. And Sam once in a blue moon if we're playing WoW together. Are you allergic to any animals? No. Have you ever had to go to the police department? No. Have you ever been called bipolar? Well yes, because I am. Have you ever made fun of a handicapped person? Hell no, and fuck you if you ever have. If a necklace/ring gives you green marks, do you still wear it? No. Have you ever had food poisoning? I don't think so, no. Favorite emoticon? Probably c: Do any emoticons annoy you? No, but an excessive amount of them I find disruptive to whatever I'm reading. Do you think there will be a WWIII? Yup, someday. Has anyone ever asked you if you were emo? Yeah, back in high school. The most interesting thing that’s ever happened to you at a grocery store? I dunno. Probably running into someone unexpected. Do you have any good book ideas? Having written RP since I was 10 years old... I could by now write a dozen dictionary-sized novels encompassing what I think are the greatest storylines. I genuinely do believe there's some fantastic stuff we've got, but there's just too many horribly dark and twisted parts in the evil mobs that I am not comfortable publishing. Are you gonna see Cars 2? Well, this is old. I never even saw the first one. In all honesty, can a person be too nice? Yep. *points at Weed from GDW* Have you ever posted a video onto YouTube? Yeah, mostly "meerkat music videos," I guess you could say. Some tributes to certain MM characters, others just music with meerkat clips. How often do you compliment other people? I try to any time I have a sincere one. I am very much for complimenting people openly and often. The Legend of Zelda series: Twilight Princess or Ocarina of Time? I'm not a fan of the franchise, honestly. Never got the hype. Do you even game at all? Most certainly, but not nearly as much as I used to... You can only replay old games but so many times before you just can't anymore. And the "newest" console I have is the original Wii, so... I definitely don't have the modern equipment. Would you give Zumba dance lessons a try if presented the opportunity? Probably not. Definitely not while my legs are in such bad shape; the dancing is pretty intense and would seriously hurt. I could easily imagine myself fainting. Do you own a rosary? No, but I did in my Catholic-raised childhood. Do you like Adult Swim? No. Sorry excuses for humor everywhere. What’s the first thing you do when you get on the computer? Do a quick check on KM just to ensure everything's in order. What’s one thing that you just wish you could do all of your life? Not have to pay bills, haha. If someone asks for your honest opinion, do you give it? Yes, if they emphasize they really want honesty. When was the last time you felt uninformed or out of the loop? Apparently some politician (I think) died recently and people practically rejoiced on Facebook. I knew zip about him. When in a car, where do you like to sit? Passenger seat/shotgun. Have you ever fought with a good friend over something completely stupid? Oh, absolutely. There have been plenty of RP-related arguments with multiple people... In the big picture, it's laughable to fight over a game, but when you're so invested in your own creations, in the moment, it can seem like a big issue. Those drama days are long behind me now. Would you ever visit a third-world country? I don't think so, no. It would shatter my heart, especially seeing children in poverty. Are you the type that’s too ashamed to ask for or use directions? No. You overhear two people gossiping about you; what do you do? Probably call over something like, "I'm not deaf, you know." I highly doubt I'd sit there with my mouth shut. Have you ever felt manipulated? Yes. If you were homeless, how would you cope? If I was truly, entirely homeless, quite honestly, I'm almost positive I'd kill myself. Have you ever done something just to fit in? Yeah. When was the last time you tried to impress someone, for whatever reason? I'm not sure, but I've certainly done it at one point or another. Do you think that the world could function in a state of anarchy? Definitely not. How well do you know your U.S. [or your country’s] history? I mean, I know the bare bones of it, but I'm far from well-versed in history. It was one of my weak subjects in school. Would you ever wish to move to another country? I'm not kidding when I say if it weren't for family, I would probably move to Canada. What is something that you do that others might consider “nerdy”? The way I write, particularly for academic purposes. I'm very descriptive and have an exceptionally large vocabulary. Have you ever had anything expensive stolen from you? Not from me specifically, but our basketball hoop was stolen from my childhood home. I doubt it was very cheap. Do you understand/notice when someone’s using sarcasm? Usually, anyway. When was the last time you were fooled? HAHA there was this drama video suggested to me on YouTube that involved Mark in the title, and I was mega confused and inevitably clicked. Now it's basically a YouTube meme just how "perfect" Mark is, so there was no real drama; apparently some newer fans are just upset at him for playing the sequel to HuniePop, a very sexual puzzle/dating game that's honestly entertaining and can be really funny. Like... he's played the original and despite the discomfort of some scenes (which are censored, mind you), he still had fun, and it was a big hit on his channel. So him playing the sequel isn't surprising, but apparently some people got shit to say. What first Impression do you hope you make with other people? Something along the lines of "wow, she's very nice." Have you ever thought about how you make other people feel/think? Well of course. I think everyone should take time to consider this. What is your stance on getting revenge? A petty waste of time. Any wise/truthful/witty quotes that you live by? Ha, another Mark answer. He once gave the casual innuendo of, "Life's hard; shouldn't you be, too?" (this might have actually been in a HuniePop video!), but when you take the... uh... sexual theme out of it, it's a good way to look at life???? Have tough skin, unmoving willpower, y'know, that stuff. Who was the last person you sat beside at a restaurant? My sister Ashley. Spongebob or Patrick? Patrick is a whole-ass mood. Would you rather watch little kid’s cartoons, older kid’s cartoons, or adult cartoons? Hm. Probably little kid's, given my love for Pokemon. How about watching regular cartoons or anime? Anime. Who is the last person you spent money on? Myself. Do you own a copy of Roller Coaster Tycoon? No; I had SeaWold Tycoon instead. I loved that game. Do you have any birth marks in embarrassing places? No. Have you used Limewire before? Of course. Free music for the low price of a catastrophic virus. :^) When was the last time you required a band-aid? I think when I cut one of my toenails way too short. Are you afraid of snakes? Oh no! I adore them so, so very much. Not saying I'm gonna go scoop up the first copperhead I find herping or something, but I love and respect them so very much. They are such fascinating animals. If you believe in reincarnation, what animal would you want to become? I don't think I believe in reincarnation, but hypothetically, maybe a lioness. Who do you tell everything to? Pretty much whoever reads these surveys, haha. Did you have candles on your birthday cake? Not my most recent one. Exactly, how old are you? I just turned 25 years and one month old. Have you ever been bitten by anything? Besides bugs, I don't think so. I've had cats and dogs playfight with me, but none have ever seriously bitten me with actual effort. Do you wear hats? No. What was the last song you sang along to? "Lunchbox" by Marilyn Manson. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years time? I'd like to be, but idk if it's realistic.

Is there someone you’d like to hug right now? Not at the moment.

Do you feel like you’re gonna lose someone that means a lot to you? I pray that doesn’t happen for a very long time, but it is a thought that likes to creep to the forefront a lot for some reason to mess with me.

Do you want someone dead? No.

Why aren’t you in bed? I am.

How many hours did you sleep last night? Almost 9 hours, which is extremely unusual. 

Last person you talked to? My brother.

How many different people of the opposite sex have you cried over? Too many.

Do you have any plans for tomorrow? Nope.

Do you like ferris wheels? Nooo.

Anything you’re giving up on? I’ve given up on a lot over the past few years. :/

What is on your mind right now? My mind is jumbled.

Are you waiting for anything to happen? I really wish it’d start cooling down now ughhh. We’re STILL having triple digits and high 90s with no end in sight. D: With the way 2020 is going, I’m honestly scared we’re going to get an even longer summer. In California it doesn’t start to feel like fall until like mid October, but we can see the temps dropping progressively. This year we’re having record highs for this time of year.

Do you like anyone right now? Not in the romantic sense.

Do you like to sleep? I love it.

Do you enjoy late night phone conversations? I don’t have any.

Last movie you saw in theaters? The Invisible Man back in February. I miss going to the movies.

Are you a jealous person? I can be, but I haven’t felt that in years. I feel envy often, though. :/

Do you enjoy Facebook? Sure. I don’t spend a lot of time on there, but there’s interesting stuff. On my feed, anyway.

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? Nope. Could you go out in public looking like you do now? I’d fix my bun first. I don’t go anywhere nowadays except for my one doctor appointment a month.

Are you a morning person or a night person? Night.

What did you do Saturday night? Same stuff I do every night that I’ve listed many times.

Is your bed comfortable? Yeah, I mean it better be since I spend most of my time in it.

What were you doing at 1 in the morning? Eating ramen and watching YouTube videos.

On a scale from 1 - 10, how much do you like to cuddle? I don’t have much cuddling experience to be honest.

Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes? Yeah, only like once or twice.

Get asked anything ridiculous lately? No.

Does it annoy you when people send three more texts while you are trying to respond to the question they asked in the text before that? Not really.

Do you like to read? I love to read.

Have you ever played a Wii? Yeah.

Would you ever become a vegetarian? No.

Who was the first person you talked to today? My brother.

Are you sarcastic? Sometimes.

How is school? I’ve been done with school for awhile now.

What color eyes does the person you like / love have? Are they pretty? I don’t like anyone in that way.

What color is the keyboard you are currently using? The keys are black with white lettering. <<<

When was the last time someone took your picture? My mom did on my birthday.

What color was the last jacket or hoodie you wore? Black.

Can you recite the alphabet backward? I could, but it would take me a little longer.

Do you eat chili when you get a hot dog, or do you like it plain? Was never much of a hot dog person, but on rare occasions I’d have a chili dog or one with just mustard and ketchup.

Would you say it’s easy for people to make you smile or laugh? Usually.

Do you own any dresses? If so, what colors are they? I have one back dress.

Would you say you drink more pop / soda than you should? Nope. I only drink a little bit when I have to take my medicine, otherwise I don’t drink soda. I used to have one can or sometimes one 16oz bottle a day for several years until about 2 years ago.

Would you rather have orange juice or milk with your breakfast? Ew, two disgusting options. Give me coffee.

How many different colors has your bedroom been painted? Just white. I’ve never painted it.

Would you ever tell your mom about the things you’ve done sexually? Even though my mom and I are close, that’s not something I’d want to discuss. 

What was the worst news you’ve heard this entire week? My state is still burning, in fact yet another huge fire started recently because of someone’s gender reveal party gone wrong. That really infuriates me because it’s like, we’re already burning and they decided to literally add more fuel to the fire. It’s fire season and we’re having triple digit temperatures, like wtf were they thinking? AND we’re in a pandemic, why were they having a party anyway??? Ugh. In other bad news, it’s still really hot and there’s no cool down in site. D;

Have you ever been in a car wreck? No, thankfully.

Do you have your ears pierced? If not, what do you have pierced? I do.

Has anyone ever told you that they think you have ADHD? No. I can’t imagine why anyone would think I had that.

Would you say you’re really good at cooking and baking things? Uh, no. I don’t cook or bake.

How is the weather outside right this second? At 5:32AM it’s 73 F. That is way too warm for this early in the morning.

Do you have a lot of trees around your house? What about buildings? Around the neighborhood, yeah. There’s a lot of buildings nearby as well.

Has anyone ever called you a sociopath before? No. I can’t see why anyone would call me that either.

What did you last heat up in the microwave? My eye mask when I was dealing with that awful stye last week.

What is the last thing someone bought you? Food.

Who was the last person you talked to last night in person before bed? I’m still up, but my brother came to say goodnight a few hours ago as he was headed off to bed.

What are you listening to? An ASMR video.

Have you made a mistake this past week? I make a lot of mistakes.

Has anyone ever taken your clothes off of you before? No.

Have you ever stayed up at night waiting for someone to call/text you back? I’ve waited for texts/IMs in the past.

Have you ever touched a dead body? I touched my grandma’s hand at the viewing. I’m surprised I did that, but I was an absolute mess when she passed away and seeing her lying there like that was really hard and for some reason I just did it. I almost wish I hadn’t because I don’t want that image of her in my mind. It also made it harder because touching her was obviously not the same as when she was alive.

Were you anybody’s New Years kiss? Nope.

Laptop or desktop? Laptop. I haven’t had a desktop since like 2004. After that, the only time I used one was at school.

Don’t you hate when radio stations continue to play the same songs? That was always annoying, but it’s been a few years since I’ve listened to the radio, so I no longer have that problem. Although, I listen to the same stuff on my Spotify playlist lol but that’s different okay.

Does your bedroom door have a lock on it? Yes.

Have you ever had a real tea party? Or been to one? I went to a cute tea place with my Nana, aunt, and cousin for high tea on my Nana’s birthday a few years ago. The finger sandwiches and desserts were delicious. I forget what tea I had, but it was good.

Where’s the last place you got Mexican food? This local place.

Have you been called a tease? Yeah, which I never understood. I never led him on, used him, or played him like he did me.

Fictober 2019 | Day Twenty Four | “Patience… is not something I’m known for.”

Prompt: 24-  “Patience… is not something I’m known for.”

Fandom & Ship: Community, Jeff x Annie

Summary: Jeff and Annie accidentally wear matching halloween costumes, based off of an anonymous prompt and a fictober prompt

She may have made a tiny mistake in picking out her Halloween costume this year...

The site says it’s an adult size small, but considering how short and... revealing it is, Annie isn’t so sure.

She originally intended on being a nurse, not a sexy nurse. Britta is definitely not going to approve of this, she says to herself as she stares at her reflection in the mirror.

It’s not all that bad. She has to have the zip up as far as it can go to show minimal cleavage, and when paired with some stockings, the dress doesn’t look too short...

At least she looks good in it. That counts, right?

She doesn’t really have time to do anything else with the outfit. Most of her other clothes are packed away, ready for her move into Troy and Abed’s apartment, and she doesn’t have another Halloween costume on hand. 

Her thoughts are stopped by the sound of someone banging at her front door. She almost panics, until she remembers Jeff’s her ride to Shirley’s Halloween party. 

“Annie, hurry up!”

“Wait a minute!” She calls from her room, giving herself time for one last lengthy look in the mirror. She flattens the skirt, pulls the zip up for extra measure, and slowly makes her way to the front door.

“You know Annie, patience is not something I’m known for....” Jeff says as she opens the door, but his voice lowers at the end of his sentence, when his eyes meet hers.

Um. Wow. She looks incredible. This is definitely not something he’s fantasised about before... nope.

“Hey, you hardly had to wait a long time. I was only a minute,” she smiles up at him all innocently, as if she has no idea how good she looks in her little get-up. 

Then her eyes flicker downwards, and she sees his outfit. It’s like a lightbulb flickers above their heads at the same time.

“So a nurse huh?” “You’re a doctor!” they say at the same time.

“Oh god. Everyone’s gonna think we planned this,” Jeff moans.

“It’s just a coincidence,” Annie offers with a laugh. “It doesn’t have to be awkward if we don’t let it.”

“You don’t understand,” he rolls his eyes at her, but in all honesty he actually has to look away from her because the sight of her in that nurses outfit is kind of driving him crazy. “Forget it, let’s go.”

He’s mostly silent for the car journey, and Annie can just tell he’s thinking about how he can get out of people thinking they’ve planned a couples costume.

But she does have to admit - even if he can’t see it - it’s pretty funny.

“Why did you decide to be a doctor anyway?” she asks. “I thought you’d go for something... for lack of a better word, sexy.”

“Annie, I make any Halloween costume look sexy,” he looks at her, the glow from the red light illuminating his features and making him look even more devilishly handsome.

She rolls her eyes in response, even if she is inclined to agree. She remembers how good he looked when he reluctantly dressed up as a cowboy.

“Women love doctors and that’s a fact. I’ll be irresistible,” he winks.

“To who?”

“Everyone,” he shrugs.

She nods and stays silent, not wanting to tell him how right he is. 

Besides, she can’t imagine him hitting it off with any of Shirley’s Greendale friends. 

-

“Jeff! You’re here,” Shirley coos when they arrive. He’s strategically walked in front so he’s spotted first, making it look like Annie’s copied his costume. The sneaky bastard.

“Annie!” Shirley sings, but her mood falters when she spots the young girl’s costume. “Oh Annie, I thought you were one of the good ones!”

“Shirley!”

Britta arrives next, as if this moment couldn’t get any worse.

“Annie! What are you wearing?”

“Did you plan this with Jeff?” Shirley adds. “Oh honey, you don’t want to be anybody’s slutty nurse...”

“—and think of the gender stereotypes you’re perpetuating.”

“Guys, please!” Annie interrupts them, watching as they step back slightly aghast. “It was just a funny coincidence. And I also thought this costume was going to be a lot more... Age appropriate, trust me.”

“Women have always got to be a sexy version of something on those costume sites, Annie. That’s why you have to go for a costume like mine if you want to stick it to the man,” Britta gestures down to her Crayon costume. It’s certainly a statement.

“You look great, Britta,” Annie smiles.

“Well anyway, let’s go get you a drink,” Shirley takes her arm and leads her to the kitchen where Troy, Abed and Jeff are waiting for them. Pierce is nowhere to be seen but Annie doesn’t question it.

“Annie, NICE,” Troy announces when she walks in, earning a glare off of Britta. 

“Did you plan this?” Abed asks, pointing between Jeff and Annie.

“No.” They say at once. Jeff rolls his eyes.

“Classic,” Abed laughs.

“Seriously you look great,” Troy adds, handing her a drink.

“You guys didn’t compliment my costume!” Britta interjects. Her cheeks are flushed and she’s practically staring at Jeff and Troy like she wants to kick or kill them. Annie’s not sure which option is more likely right now, considering Britta’s tone. 

“Uhhhhh,” Troy tries to think of a compliment.

“You make a great Crayon, Britta,” Jeff offers.

“Typical,” she rolls her eyes and downs her beer, stalking out the kitchen in a huff.

“None of you complimented me either!” Shirley adds, following Britta out the room.

“I would if I even know what she was,” Troy sighs. Abed nods in agreement, staring at Shirley’s outfit with his head tilted as if he’s trying to work it out himself.

“Does she always have to wear such nondescript costumes to these things?” Jeff says to no one in particular.

Everyone nods in agreement.

-

They leave Shirley’s fairly early, all of them shooed out the door with a brownie to-go in their hands. No one is really sure why Shirley decided to host a party if she was going to kick her guests out before 11pm, but they weren’t complaining. They didn’t want to spend any more time with Gary. 

“Well, that was lame,” Jeff turns to her as they walk to his car. “I’m guessing you need a ride home?”

“That’d be nice.”

“You make a good nurse,” he smiles when he realises they’re finally alone again. And he means it, not just in the way that she looks ridiculously good in the outfit, which she absolutely does by the way. He’s surprised he’s resisted the urge to kiss her against the car door (or any surface, if he’s honest.)

“You’d make an attractive doctor - like on TV or something,” she laughs. His doctor outfit does make for interesting fantasy material... Dr Winger and Nurse Edison? She could probably write a romantic novel about those two.

“What’s that guys name? Dreamy McDreamface? That could be me.” He smiles smugly at her,

“You watch Grey’s Anatomy?”

“If nothing else is on,” he shrugs her question off as they climb into his car.

She laughs at him. She almost thinks it was meant to be, this awkward coincidence. They do make a surprisingly good pair, even if he doesn’t want to admit to it. They’ve been on enough capers together to know they have the right chemistry, a good rapport. And Annie does find him attractive, in and out of his scrubs. Actually, she’s fairly sure he could wear anything and she would still find him ridiculously hot, a fact she’d never share with him as to not over-inflate his ego.

But it’s cute. She likes it, the fact that they could be mistaken for a couple. The fact that he kept smiling at her all night and stayed close even though he really didn’t have to. Come to think of it, he barely spent time with the other women Shirley had invited to her makeshift Halloween get together, even Britta. Plus, she even caught him checking her out a handful of times too. But what did it all mean?

This is Jeff she’s thinking about. The guy who can never give her a straight answer about anything when it comes to their star crossed dynamic. The very same Jeff that gives her those looks that she thinks might mean something, and then pats on the head and pushes her away and treats her like a child again.

It’s never going to be easy with him, is it?

There’s always going to mixed signals and confusion and crushes and longing… She’s just accepted that as a fact now. Jeff is the perfect fantasy material - great to daydream about when she’s alone in her bedroom, but the reality of the situation is a lot more complex.

“Tonight was surprisingly fun,” he says, Annie hadn’t realised how silent she must’ve been while she was sitting there thinking about him. Oops.

“Surprisingly?”

“Well yeah. I thought everyone was going to make a bigger deal out of this,” he gestures between them. “But it was actually kind of nice.”

“What? Having similar costumes?”

“Yeah. We looked good together.”

She can feel her cheeks getting warmer and no matter how hard she fights against it, her lips curl into a big smile as she watches him. He’s being sincere and it’s adorably sweet.

“We did,” she grins.

“So… I was thinking… How about you be my ring girl next year? I’ve got my costume planned too and I think you’ll like it”

“The ring girl? Weird choice, but okay…” she says as she gets out of his car.

He looks at her confused for a second, but doesn’t say anything. Instead, he smiles as she waves goodbye and watches her disappear into her building.

Thank god she’s leaving this place, it’s terrifying, he thinks as he pulls away.

He can still smell her perfume lingering around the front seat, and smiles when he imagines her sat next to him, still in that little nurse’s outfit.

For a second, he finds himself wishing he’d kissed her goodnight. 

Oh god, what has she done to him?

As many of you know, I was at the Arrow 7x22 filming that took place in North Vancouver on Tuesday, April 9 at the “Olicity cabin.”

It ended up being an amazing, once-in-a-lifetime experience that I am still processing. Those of you who are on the Olicity Discord channel (want to join us? read more about it here) shared this experience with me in real-time, but I also wanted to share with the wider fandom on tumblr. So, what follows is a bare-bones rundown of what happened. (I AM GOING TO TRY TO BE SUPER BRIEF HERE. Sorry ahead of time for when I inevitably fail.)

So my husband saw the filming notice on Twitter (which I had already seen of course) and he messaged me: “wanna jet up to Vancouver?” He was only half serious, but you know once the idea was in my head, there was no other option. Anyway, we only live 3 hours (and one country) from the filming location, so we left late Monday night, got a little sleep, and were at the filming location by 8:30 on Tuesday morning. There weren’t really any crew around at that point, so I snapped a few photos (just sharing a few here to save space).

When the crew came over to where we were, they talked to us (they were super nice all day!) and I assured them I was there to see what I could see, and we planned to follow the rules. I asked about photos, they said “NOPE,” and I didn’t take any more photos on set that day (except for the one below 😏 which was fully authorized).

Cutting for length. There is much, much more under the cut.

So we were hanging out with a great view of the Olicity cabin and the fence around the property. We could see into the property too, and there we saw an archery target set up in the cabin’s backyard. (That might be a spoiler, but Canadagraphs or whatever that site is already leaked photos of it  so whatever).

The actors were brought onto set in tinted-window SUVs that would drive up, turn around in the narrow street, and back up onto the property to let them out. I didn’t realize that actors were being dropped off the first 2 times it happened, so I missed the first two actors that got dropped off. I am pretty sure one of them was Stephen, because I never saw him arrive. I did see Emily arrive!

AND - this has been leaked by that paparazzi dude, too, so I might as well share - I saw LaMonica Garrett arrive. Discord friends can attest that I freaked the fuck out. Because FUCK. The second I saw him walk out of his SUV, I was just like 😱😱😱

The morning was basically spent watching the crew, and hearing what was happening filming-wise: when they blocked, rehearsed, and filmed, the entire crew would yell out the direction so that everyone always knew what was happening and people knew to be quiet. It was really cool.

During the “morning” (until I walked up to get lunch around 3:30), 4 or 5 - I think 5 - scenes were shot. I’m pretty sure they were all indoor. I was able to hear details about who were in the scenes and where they were for some of the scenes, but I wasn’t able to watch because everything was inside or behind the fence. Around 1 PM we heard them say that David was due on set, but hadn’t arrived yet. At that point, I started getting concerned about exactly who he was and wasn’t going to film with and what it would all mean.

Throughout the day, Stephen and Emily (and LaMonica in the whole Monitor get-up!) would occasionally walk out. It was very cool, and also bittersweet, because it was Emily’s last day filming.

The crew was super welcoming all day. People kept wandering over and talking to us, and they saw how freezing cold my husband and I were - especially me - and they brought us hand and body warmers! Several of them said they would let the actors know that we were out there so that they could some say hi, which was so nice! But I didn’t want to get my hopes up, seeing as it was Emily’s last day and not only was everyone super emotional, but they had farewell events planned, and a bunch of guests coming on set to be a part of it:

At one point a woman arrived and introduced herself to the crew as “Diane” - it was Emily’s mom. Later, Stephen left the set, walking up the hill to the road, and when he came back, Stephen and Emily’s friend Carina was with him. At some point his wife and daughter arrived, too.  

Around 3 or 3:30, everyone (cast and crew and guests) gathered around in the cabin’s backyard (behind a fence, alas) and I could tell that Emily was speaking, but I couldn’t hear what she said. Probably other people spoke too. There were intermittent rounds of applause.

After that, Stephen came over to me and my husband and chatted with us and we took a photo:

After that, a lot of the crew seemed to take a break, and it was clear they were preparing to shoot outside the house (they took down a lot of the equipment that was attached to the house for the indoor shoot). We took the opportunity to walk up the hill to this cool little “general store”/cafe, where we got lunch. (Later from Carina’s instrgram I saw that Emily and Carina had been there just a few minutes before us.) I took a couple selfies there to document the experience ;)

By then it was maybe 4:00 or so and we kinda thought that Stephen was done filming for the day, but a crewmember had confirmed that Emily would still be shooting for the rest of the day, so we went back down to the set to see what we could see. I can’t remember if David had shown up at that point, but we knew he was still going to be filming, and I was crossing my fingers like crazy that he was going to film with both Emily and Stephen, but I was worried it might only be Emily.

When we got back to “our” spot outside the set, they had removed all the cables and equipment that previously had bordered the property. A second later, we found out why when a crewmember walked over - they were going to be filming outside, including the area where we had been standing all day.

And then they invited us to come on set.

SO WE WENT ON SET.

MY FRIENDS. THERE ARE NO WORDS TO DESCRIBE HOW AMAZING IT WAS.

Those of you who are on the Discord server can (or have) read more about it, but honestly words can never do justice to how cool it was. So instead I’m just gonna list some things:

we were there for a total of one hour

I obviously didn’t get any photos because they made us put our phones away, of course

the crew was SO FRIENDLY and awesome, and I am so indebted to them for the experience of a lifetime

we got introduced to a BUNCH of crewmembers. The one crewmember who had sort of “adopted” us kept going out of her way to introduce us to literally everyone who stopped by - and we were right in the middle of the action so many many people stopped by. One person we got to talk to was Rebecca Rosenberg, the co-writer of both 7x15 and this episode, 7x22. So cool! She was very nice.

we also got introduced to actors, including:

David Ramsey!!!!! who talked to us and shook our hands

Caity Lotz! (Whose presence I wouldn’t have spoiled except that Carina already spoiled it on her instagram account, so I might as well share it now). She also shook our hands and talked to us.

they let us stay and watch while they filmed a scene. (I’ve decided not to generally spoil anything about the scene, because the crew were honestly so nice, and just in case, I don’t want to get any of them in trouble. Sorry. 😛) They positioned us in a spot where we could see:

two monitors that showed what the camera saw as it filmed

the camera itself, so we could see the camera as it filmed (honestly so cool)

the actual area and actors as they filmed the scene (so we could watch it “in real life” and on the screen at the same time!)

the director (Bam Bam!) and all the associated people, and we could hear all his directions straight from his mouth.

since we were right in the middle of the action for an hour, we saw a bunch of people coming and going, and standing around right next to us, including all the actors mentioned above, and Stephen, and his family (wife and daughter who, along with Caity, were seated right next to us for awhile - you can actually see on Carina’s instagram video the exact spot where we were standing - right by the metal leg of the pop-up canopy), and Emily! (more on that below)

the crewmember who had adopted us asked us if we had tried craft service, and when we said “no,” she basically insisted (lol) that we go to the craft service table and partake. (Seriously, they were so nice!). AND GUESS WHAT?? (Aside from watching the filming this is the other thing I will NEVER BE OVER). EMILY’S GOODBYE CAKE WAS THERE and they told us to have some!!! (The cake had a piece of chocolate on it with writing on it that said “Thanks for 7 Smoakin years” 😭😭😭😭) SO. YOU GUYS. I CUT A PIECE OF CAKE FOR MYSELF FROM EMILY’S CAKE. I TOOK A SLICE OF EMILY’S GOODBYE CAKE. I STILL CANNOT BELIEVE IT.)

but I did not eat the cake right away, because I knew the instant it was in my hand that I had to take a picture 😂 But I couldn’t take any pictures on set, obviously, so I just held onto it for an hour!! 😂😂😂

at one point after we had our cake, Emily walked by and looked at us and I kinda smiled at her and she said, “I heard it’s good!” (So, while I never did get to talk to her or get a photo, she did talk to me lol)

after the scene was filmed, they came over and told us that, because they were going to be filming dialogue next, we had to leave.

Here’s the photo of the cake, before I ate it. (I ATE A PIECE OF EMILY’S GOODBYE CAKE OMG).

That’s basically it. We stayed another hour or so after that, and we watched another scene be filmed from afar, but after that they needed us to go up the hill to get out of the shot, and we couldn’t see anything anymore. By then it had been a very, very long day and we had already had an amazing experience, so we decided to leave without trying to wait for Emily. We figured she was having an emotionally exhausting day, not to mention a busy day, with a full day of filming plus friends and family on set, so we decided the odds of us actually getting to see her were probably small anyway. So, with only that one regret, we left.

And that is the story of one of the most unexpectedly amazing days of my life, when I got to witness the filming of Arrow 7x22.

Special shout-out to the FAM who lived it vicariously with me - it wouldn’t have been half as fun without you! @msbeccieboo @lucyyh @faegal04 @1-crazy-dreamer @puck038 @stephswims @bookolicitynessa @chrissykins-for-the-win @it-was-a-red-heeler @tangled23works @mirkakaroliina and all of the Discord FAM. I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH! 💗💗💗💗

(and extra special shout out to @1-crazy-dreamer who just saved my ass with screencaps of this post when tumblr fucked up and ate a third of it - my hero!!)

Easier ~ 1

(Y/N) and Peter Parker don’t talk. There are a million reasons why, (or maybe there’s just one big reason). Both of them are dealing with the aftermath of tony starks death and not healthy ways. In an effort to get back to normal, they both go on the school trip to Europe, only to be thrust right back into the hero world. Someone needs to be the next Iron Man, but are either of them really ready for that?

“Everyone wants a happy ending, right? But it doesn’t always roll that way.                                               Maybe this time.” -Tony Stark 

“FRIDAY pull up yesterday's model.” (Y/N) put her feet up on the work table, and chewed absentmindedly on the twizzler in her hands. “Please.” She added, quickly though she knew the AI wouldn’t know the difference.

“Yes Ms. Stark, one minute.” The AI responded, slowly piecing together the model of the machine (Y/N) had been working on since the day after her father's funeral. Once it was fully together, she stood up, and played around with it for a couple of minutes. She grew and compressed edges, poked at the hologram and moved it around in circles. She wasn’t doing it for any type of research, or actually contributing to the design at all. The truth was that she was stuck.

After the couple minutes of playing with it were over, (Y/N) sat down again in the chair and let out a long frustrated sigh, as quietly as she could so no one in the house could hear her. “This has to work.” She said, biting down on the candy so hard she bit her tongue, “I don’t have any other options.” She thought for another minute and almost screamed out of frustration, “This has to work.” She threw her hands in the air, dramatically and one of the wrenches from the nearby workspace flew into her palm without warning.

She dropped it as soon as she could, and shook her hand witch glowed purple for a second before flickering out. “Ouch.” She rubbed her hand before looking back at the model. “Keep it together Stark, your going to figure this out. You have to figure it out.”

“FRIDAY tell me about the theory of the multiverse.”

(Y/N) tapped her fingers on the edge of the table as she listened. “According to MIT physicist Max Tegmark, ‘Our entire universe may be just one element — one atom, as it were — in an infinite ensemble; a cosmic archipelago.’ Which means that we could exist on one plane, next to a variety of different universes where dinosaurs still exist, or the Earth never formed at all.”

“But it can be smaller changes to right? Like for example Thanos never came to Earth, never found it in the first place?”

“Yes.”

“Pull up the model labeled time machine please?”

“Yes, Ms. Stark.”

(Y/N) stood up again and looked over the model her father had made months ago, right before the time heist as he had called it. He thought it was a time machine, but through her research, she’d found that he was wrong, they were all wrong. “Friday pull up the Banner audio file, the one I stared, and my research pages all side by side with the model.”

She’d done this multiple times the past few days, since she’d hit a wall on what to do with all the information she’d gathered. It had all started two days after her father's funeral, when Uncle Steve had gathered all the stones, and got ready to return them all back to their respective timelines. She’d been watching from afar, mostly because she knew that one of them was going to give her the pity face if they knew she was there. But bruce had said something about the “ancient one” telling him that if they didn’t return the stones then that reality would be in trouble and branch off.

(Y/N) had been in the woods that day to steal the stones. Looking back she knew the plan had been concocted only in grief and that in practice it wouldn’t have worked at all. Sure, she could’ve easily gotten the stones by pulling the briefcase out of caps hand with her powers and then making a run for it. But, she didn’t have a gauntlet to put them on, and there were heros lingering everywhere and it would only be a matter of time before someone caught her. Good thing she learned something else that day that would help her more than a few infinity stones ever could.

“So in theory-” She mused, “I could use this device to create a portal, and use the secondary device to find a universe that has what I need, and poof, we have liftoff.” She smiled but it quickly faded once she realized that it wasn’t going to be that simple. “Yeah, and y’know build said machine, and use it without anyone finding out. And who knows what kind of hell is going to break loose once I do it.” She paused, “FRIDAY has anyone else tried to build tried to build a similar machine to the model?”

“One second.” The table hummed as the AI searched through data. “Four months ago, the details and blueprints of the model were given to an american company for research purposes concerning the quantum realm.”

“Stark industries?”

“Fisk industries.”

“Your kidding.” (Y/N) sat up, “You have got to be kidding me. FRIDAY why wouldn’t the information be given over to our own in house researchers?”

“I don’t know, Ms. Stark.”

“This is proprietary technology, created by Tony Stark himself, and your telling me that they sold it off to Wilson Fisk, this could be extremely dangerous, who’s to say someone doesn’t just use this to go back and get the infinity stones?” (Y/N) said. “What about Hank Pym? Did he sign off on giving over the pym particles and suits to contribute to this ‘research’?”

“No, the agreement states that the researchers are bound to Non disclosure agreements outside of the company heads and scientific officers, and that they are only allowed to experiment with the machine itself, they can’t send anyone through time using it.”

“You mean through dimensions, or universes.” (Y/N) threw her hands in the air, “This is crazy. Who signed off on this?”

“Ms. Potts, and the construction of the device was supervised by Mr. Scott Lang.”

“Construction? Why didn’t they use the one that they used to return the stones?”

“Dr. Banner destroyed that one as soon as the returning of the stones was completed, with the understanding that it wasn’t needed because no was was going to use it again.”

“Well he thought wrong apparently.” She leaned back into the chair and twirled around a screw in the air. “FRIDAY pull up the documents you quoted earlier, the agreement between Stark industries and Fisk industries.” (Y/N) peared over the documents for what felt like forever before standing up and pacing around the table. “FRIDAY is the machine done?”

“Yes ma’am.” The AI replied. “Mr. Lang left the site three days ago, and confirmation was sent to Ms. Potts Yesterday. I believe it is fully operational.”

“Oh my god.” She sighed and sat back in the chair. “How did she not tell me about this? Why didn’t she say anything? Holy crap. FRIDAY where is the machine?”

“Amsterdam.”

“Wait what? Why would it be in Amsterdam? Fisk industries has its headquarters in New York.”

“I’ve found a document that says something about avoiding taxes and American regulators.”

“Well, that makes sense.” She sighed before her eyes lit up with an idea. “Wait for a second, I’m going to Europe in 48 hours. If I can make my model, then I’ll be able to get it to the one in Amsterdam-and this could work.” She stood up in surprise and put both hands on the table smiling over the model in front of her. “This could totally work. It could work. FRIDAY keep the time machine model up and pull up the Dimensional tracker next to it.”

“One minute.”

“This is so happening.”

“What’s happening?” Another voice asked. (Y/N) turned in surprise to find that the door to the garage was open and the outline of someone glistened in the moonlight. “What are you doing in here?” It was Peter. Crap.

“Nothing.” She paused, moving in front of the hologram so that he couldn’t see. “FRIDAY turn it off.”

“No, wait.” He walked into the garage and tried to look past her at the table. “FRIDAY pull it up again.”

“Yes, Mr. Parker.” The hologram pulled up again and glowed behind (Y/N).

“Nope!” She shouted, getting onto the table, and laying down across it in the most nonchalant way possible. “Peter! Whatcha doing here? What's up bro? How’s life been dude-bro?”

“What are you hiding?”

“Nothing. FRIDAY turn it off, and put it under passcode lock.” She turned back to Peter. “Nothing, absolutely nothing. What are you even doing here? I thought you left.”

“It was getting late and I didn’t want to drive back, so Pepper said I could just stay the night.”

“Oh lovely, nice, good for you. The guest room is super classy, very nice decor, very homey. What are you doing out here? In the garage? Looking for ghosts? Because I know that there’s one at the end of the dock but you have to like jump into the water to see it-”

“I know your hiding something.”

“What? Me? Hiding things? That’s crazy. When have you ever known me to hide things?”

“All the time. It’s what you do.” He replied, coldly, narrowing his eyes at her. “Look if you won’t tell me, then I’m just going to go tell Pepper that something is going on in here and I guess she’ll figure it out.” He turned and walked out of the garage and into the night.

“No!” (Y/N) shouted. And the door slammed in Peters face suddenly, the door knob locking itself due to her powers. “Don’t tell Pepper. Look it’s nothing Peter, I’m just looking at stuff my dad was working on, old projects. Okay?” He gave her a suspicious look. “I can’t sleep, Pete. I haven’t been able to in a while, and this helps.” She wasn’t exactly lying about that, she hadn’t been able to get a  good night's sleep in the last six months. “So don’t tell her please? She’s gonna get all worried and then send me back to therapy, or get me meds or something.”

Peter thought it over, turned around to face the door so that she couldn't see him. As much as he was mad at her, and he really was, he still cared. He cared enough to be worried about her, and how she was coping with everything and what she was really doing. But he knew that getting Pepper involved would just make the whole thing so much worse, so he told himself that they were going on a trip with each other in two days and he would be to keep an eye on her for the whole time.

“Fine. I won’t say anything.”

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save me

summary: Y/N is trying her hardest to get out of an abusive relationship without telling anyone. However, she can’t always hide the bruises, especially from her best friend since childhood, Ben Hardy. Once he finds out, he tries his best to help her out without her getting hurt.

warning: angst, mentions of physical/verbal abuse, blood, cussing, hospitals.

a/n: I AM SO SORRY FOR THIS LATE UPDATE. LIFE HAS BEEN HECTIC BUT I PROMISE I WILL UPDATE MORE THIS WEEK. also, hold on to your butts, this is one angsty chapter.

word count:

▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪

The three of you had fallen asleep throughout the course of the night. You slept on your belly, sunk into the sofa. Gwil was sprawled out on the pallet of blankets. Ben was tangled up with Frankie on the love seat. The theme song of Grey's Antomy rang throughout the flat, the last thing y'all were watching.

You all had fell asleep, peacefully and quickly. Light snores spilled from your mouth, whereas Ben and Gwil sounded like a damn train station. You stirred in your groggy state, slowly awaking from your slumber due to the snoring. Eventually, you had opened your eyes, squinting as the sunlight poured through Ben's patio window. You sat up, hissing quietly at the stinging pain in your back. Oh how lovely.

You slowly stood up, careful to not make any noise and tiptoed to the kitchen. You tried to make some tea before the boys woke up but failed horribly. Both Ben and Gwil dragged their lifeless bodies into the kitchen, falling into the chairs at the dining table. They rest their sleepy heads on the table, patiently waiting for the boost they needed from the tea.

The kettle sang loudly, indicating that the water was done. You grabbed three tea cups, popping a tea bag in each. You filled the cups, poured a little honey in them and poured a little milk in yours. You carefully carried the tea to the table, setting it in front of their faces. They instantly sat up and took a huge gulp of the beverage.

Instantly regretting their decision, they both hissed as the hot beverage touched their tongues and the back of their throats.

"Careful, it's hot." You jokingly warned, blowing into your cup to cool it down. They rolled their eyes and followed suit in cooling the drinks down.

After morning tea and breakfast, the three of you laid on Ben's sofa, scrolling through Netflix to find something to watch. Gwil was sliding his thumb through Instagram, Ben's fingers tapped across the screen as he texted and you just sat there, fiddling your thumbs. You were afraid to check your phone, you had turned it off all night, not wanting to deal with Trevor.

"We should go do something today, instead of watching TV all day." You murmured as you eyed the two men. They looked up from their devices, looking at one another for approval.

"Why don't we go shopping?"

"I don't have money because I've literally avoided work for two weeks now."

"Nonsense, I'll pay."

"Nope, let's think of something else."

"We're going shopping, that's final. Gwil and I will help pay."

Gwil nodded in agreement, pulling himself from the couch. He reached a hand out for you, helping you up. Ben stood up to, stretching his arms out.

"I've got to shower before we go though."

"And me too. How about we all meet back here at say...four?"

You all nodded in agreement and grabbed all of your stuff. You grabbed your clothes from the previous day, shoving them in your purse. You cringed at the blood stained jumper.

"Just throw it in the bin, love." Ben whispered in your ear as he watched you.

You did so and finished grabbing all your items. You turned towards Gwil, a small smile on your lips. You had totally forgotten that Ben was your ride from yesterday.

"Will you give me a ride home?"

"Of course, Y/N." Gwil smiled and grabbed his keys.

"You can shower here, Y/N" Ben yelled from the kitchen.

"I've got to grab some different clothes, it'll be fine!"

"Fine!"

•••••••

You and Gwill walked to his car, both of you sliding in. Gwil knew where you lived so the car ride was pretty quick. Before you left, you checked snap map on Snapchat to see if Trevor was home. Luckily he wasn't, so it'd be easier for you to get ready. However, you were completely unaware of the "Ghost Mode" option on Snapchat.

Gwil pulled into the driveway, to your advantage, Trevor's car wasn't there. You absentmindedly blew out a sigh of relief at the site.

"Thanks again, Gwil."

"No problem, see you later!"

You waved goodbye and jumped out of his car. You walked up to your door, putting your key in and realizing it was unlocked. Strange. You shrugged it off because you could be forgetful at times or Trevor was too wasted to realize that he didnt lock the door.

You slipped inside and dropped your purse on the couch. The hous was silent, thankfully. You jogged upstairs and grabbed some clothes to wear later. As you were about to turn the shower on, you heard a familiar voice.

"You stupid bitch!"

You gulped at the sound and grabbed your phone. You didn't even realize that Ben had blown your phone up. So many text messages and missed calls filled up your notifications. You clicked on a notification and went wide eyed.

There was an article with a picture of you, Gwil, and Ben plastered on the front.

'Bohemian Rhapsody's Ben Hardy and Gwilym Lee leaving a cafe with an unknown woman?'

The picture was horrendous. Ben had his arm wrapped around your waist, protectively. Gwil was staring at you with what could have easily been mistaken for lust, but was the complete opposite.

To the public, it looked like the three of you were about to go fuck each other's brains out. When in reality, they were being protective of you and were quite worried for you.

"You dumb fucking whore. Didn't think I'd find out about your little fuck buddies?"

"It's not what it looks like!"

"Save it. I knew all along that you were a little slut!"

Trevor took a step closer to you, his hand latching onto your throat. You gagged and clawed at his hand, though he was complete unphased by your clawing.

"Stupid fucking bitch, that's what you are."

Trevor's nails dug into your skin before dropped you harshly against the ground. Not even a second later, you felt his foot collide with your stomach, then your chest, then your back and lastly, your face. You were a yelping and bawling mess.

Trevor didn't let up on his kicking spree. He kicked all over, slapped you into next week, and yelled so many profanities at you. Your vision was starting to go blurry, your hearing going in and out and your consciousness blacking out. The last thing you heard was Trevor's body falling against the floor. You looked up, seeing a familiar brunette yelling into his phone.

Not even 10 minutes later, your body was being lifted onto a gurney. You felt the prick of a needle in your arm, that was the least painful thing at this moment. You heard the clinking of handcuffs as you could see Trevor being pushed into the back of a police car. Your vision went in and out before it completely went out.

••••••••••••

Last thing you know, you were being rushed to the trauma hospital nearby. You could faintly hear the sirens ring loudly as the ambulance sped to the hospital. You felt it suddenly stopped and heard the doors slam open. Your body jerked as the gurney flew through the emergency doors.

A group of doctors and nurses piled into the trauma room as they began hooking you up to machines and providing you with oxygen. You felt yourself go in and out of consciousness and your vision going out completely.

Suddenly, you blacked out, the last thing you see is a nurse climbing on top of you, starting CPR. You could feel your body convulse to the charges of the defibrillator. You still didn't wake, you still could only see complete darkness.

Next thing you know, your eyelids are pried open as a bright light flashes your eyes. They were checking for any blown pupils, luckily tour eyes were fine. Though you were still unconscious.

You felt another huge shock riddle throughout your body, causing your eyes to jolt open and your lungs finally fill with air. Doctors sighed with relief and soon enough you were being rushed to surgery.

After what felt like an eternity, general surgeons removed your spleen which caused immense amount of internal bleeding. Neuro fixed your brain bleed. Lastly, cardio had successfully repaired your diaphragm.

You were now stable, blood pressure fine, neuro function fine and oxygen levels safe. You were still out of it due to the anesthesia. Doctors predicted a few hours before you would finally wake up.

Those few hours passed by agonizingly slow for Ben. Ben was your emergency contact. When he had gotten the call, he nearly got pulled over for how dangerously fast he drove to the hospital. He almost got detained for how pushy and rude he was being, trying his hardest to get to you.

He had spent the last 10 hours, waiting in anticipation for you to wake up. Gwil was there too, comforting Ben as much as he could, although he had to be questioned by police multiple times throughout the day and night. He had drove back to your house because you had left something in his car. When he pulled up, he spotted Trevor's car, instantly feeling unsettled. It was when he heard you screaming that caused him to barrel through the front door and sprint upstairs. He nearly beat the shit out of Trevor when he saw what he was doing to you. He punched Trevor square in the face, and thre him down to the ground. Trevor instantly was knocked out and vulnerable. He had been taken to a different hospital to get checked out. Only came back with a concussion and a pretty charge of domestic abuse, aggravated assault and many other things due to all the drugs they found on his person. Needless to say, he was gonna be locked up for a long time.

It was around 10:45 at night when your eyes fluttered open. You groaned in pain and whimpered as you tried to moved. You nearly gagged on the ventilator that you had been attached to.

Smoothly, the nurse removed the ventilator from your mouth, causing you to gag once again. She replaced it with oxygen hooked up to your nose.

"Well look who's finally awake." She announced loudly, causing Ben to stir around and finally wake up.

He almost shot the nurse a death stare before he realized what she was doing. His head snapped towards you, tears instantly pouring from his eyes.

"Oh my gosh, Y/N. You're awake." He cried out, carefully reaching his hand out to yours. His fingers brushed against the back of your hand. He was so afraid to touch you, which kind of melted your heart.

"Ben..." You whispered, your voice hoarse.

"It's recommended to not speak for a little while after being taken off of a ventilator, so just drink a lot of water and rest tour throat."

You simply nodded, furrowing your brows as you finally felt the pounding headache coursing throughout your whole head. You forgotten the fact that you bad three major surgeries in one day. Spleen removed, diaphragm repaired and brain bleeds under control.

"I'm so sorry, Y/N. I knew I shouldn't have let you go. I hate that this happened to you. You didn't deserve any of this. God, I am so sorry." Ben choked out between sobs. It broke your heart to see him like this. You felt guilty, guilty because you left him in the dark for so long. Guilty because you were too scared to tell him in the first place. Tears began to slide down your face, stinging as they reached the open cuts on your lips.

You were so battered and bruised. From head to to, you had some kind of mark on you. You looked at your body, shaking at the thought of what happened to you. Your arm was in a sleeve, he had dislocated your shoulder and obliterated your wrist. You would need to have surgery next week with an orthopedic surgeon.

You were long ways away from recovery.

▪▪▪▪▪▪▪

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Domesticity

Intended to be part of the ‘Press Start to Continue” continuity, but I felt like I should post it now. :) 

-

After they all move in together, even weeks later, it all still seems a little too good to be true.

Some nights he actually tries to sleep just because he feels like it, just because he wants to, and can have that luxury. It never seemed like a luxury before – after all, he didn’t usually need to sleep, so why bother? It was just a waste of time. but now…

Now it’s kinda cool that he has the freedom to just… chill out, and not be all conniving and plotting against people and stuff.

It definitely helps that Lazer – that Kiriya gets it. He still sleeps more often than he needs to, so it’s not like there’s anyone who’s going to look at him like he’s being weird. Although, in his case it’s a way to feel ‘normal.’

…Not that Parad doesn’t understand where he’s coming from with that, either.

The first year of not being M anymore was hard.

Having graphite around actually did help with that a lot, since he was a regular bugster, not the beta test that Parad is. Not still hooked to his host like Parad is.

After a year of only knowing Kuroto, not being the only non-human around made Parad feel… well, somewhat normal. So, yeah. In the same way that Kiriya and Emu are helping him with civilian life, he’s helping Kiriya get with the bugster program.

Heh. Program. Because they’re part digital.

…Damnit, Lazer. Looks like making puns in hindsight is contagious.

But… Yeah. It’s going… weirdly well. He hadn’t had any expectations for the apartment – the last one he lived in in any way was Emu’s ‘home’ when they were 18 – but the guys were kinda surprised at how big it was. It’s partially paid for by the Ministry of Health, because Parad’s technically a ward or on parole or something, but the rent is mostly covered by Emu and Kiriya. apparently they make pretty good money.

(Emu’s mentioned that he thinks it’s because of the superhero gig. They can’t afford for him to go work at a different hospital, so his pay got… boosted, a little, instead of what his ‘recent hire’ pediatrician pay would usually be. Not that he has any way to actually prove that, and his being the department lead for CR definitely plays a part, too, but… Well. He’s definitely making more than he might otherwise.)

There’s also the matter of just having a chore roster. Actually, just having more than one person doing said chores is an adjustment for all of them, since Parad was living in a literal office, and both Emu and Kiriya were bachelors without roommates, the whole not ‘doing an entire apartments work by themselves’ is a new thing.

Surprising everyone, including himself, Parad has discovered that he actually really likes cooking. He’s not great at it. Good, but not great. But holy shit, once he gets the basics of a recipe down, and can reliably make it? That’s when the fun begins.

Of course, not that he started off intending to pick it up as a second hobby. It mostly started because they were all sick of takeout.

-

“Curry?”

Kiriya shudders. “Nah, I gotta be in the right mindset for spicy stuff.”

“Then…” Emu turns back to the restaurant listings. “I hear there's a new okonomiyaki place that opened recently.”

Parad shakes his head. “Isn’t that, like, three wards over? It’s way too late to be bothered going out. We could always just heat up a pizza.”

“We did that two nights ago, though…”

Emu sighs. “Well, we have to figure out something.”

That was how it went just about every night. Technically speaking, bugsters don’t actually need to eat, but they’re able to, and it’d just be awkward if Emu were the only one having meals and stuff. But after a few weeks, Parad had enough, and went next door for advice.

-

“Niiiicoooo? Poppyyyy?”

Nico rolls her eyes as she answers the door. “‘Sup, nerd?”

“Do either of the two of you know how to cook? Because no one in our place does, and we’re all getting really sick of ordering in and having frozen stuff all the time.” There’s a distinct whine in Parad’s voice, and she isn’t sure what to make of it.

“We’re not your moms, dude, we aren’t gonna cook for ya.”

He pouts. It looks absurd on a guy his height. “That’s not what I was asking. I wanna learn how, you guys are closer than anyone else, and my only other options would be Brave and Snipe. Brave still doesn’t like me, and I have my doubts about Snipe giving enough of a shit to know how to cook either.”

‘Men.’ Groaning, Nico buries her head in her hands. “Alright, come on in. My mom grilled some stuff into my head so I could fend for myself when I started going all over for tournaments. So I can give you a rundown on some basics for right now, and we can see from there.”

-

“But I’d heal really fast from it, so-”

“Weird bugster healing times or no, you’d still have to recover, and ya wouldn’t be able to so much as hold a controller during it.”

“…True.”

“‘Sides, I know I wouldn’t wanna explain it to Emu, and I don’t even live with him. Do you want to be the one to tell him you burned your hands because you’re too damned stubborn?”

Parad pales. “Alright, alright, I get it already! I’ll use the damn potholders!”

-

“So, I know this is my first time out, but this can’t be right…” Parad wrinkles his nose at his attempt at chopping carrots.

“It’ll do, and we can salvage these, but going forward-” Nico picks up the knife and sets another carrot on the cutting board. “You want to do each slice in a single movement, and it’s easier to move the thing that you’re cutting than it is to move the knife. Just push it along, like this-” she chops the carrot about halfway, her slices coming far neater and more evenly sized than Parad’s large hunks and thin wedges. “Then you can get them all even. If all of your pieces are different shapes and sizes, they won’t cook in the same amount of time – that goes for everything, actually, but this is an easy example for now.”

He nods, with a serious expression. “Can I try again?”

“No problem!” Grinning, Nico steps aside, and he does a much neater job at the remaining half of the second carrot. His slices are still a little uneven – mostly owing to him not being used to how much pressure to use – but overall they match her demonstration way closer than they do his first attempt. “Not bad!”

-

A few weeks into Parad’s cooking lessons, the two of them are waiting for the stock to come to a boil, and get to talking.

“Hey, why’d you come to me and poppy, anyway? Why not just, like, look this all up online?”

Leaning back in the chair, he laughs. “You think I didn’t try that first? Nah, I couldn’t make heads or tails of it all, and most of the sites said that you needed to see all this in person, which didn't help one little bit. And…” he hesitates. “And I wanted to surprise them. Emu and Kiriya are paying for the place, and they’re. You know, they're used to all of this…” he waves his hand in the air. “All of this domestic stuff. I… wanted to show that I can get there, too. I want to pull my own weight, at least in some way.”

Nico almost doesn’t hear his next sentence.

“I want to make sure their choice is worth it.”

“So, you wanted to spring this on the guys, and it’s hard to do that at your place, so you looked for help from me ‘n Poppy? Makes sense to me.” Nico grins, before looking at the timer. “Aaa! We’ve gotta get the cutlets ready!”

Both of them set into motion. “Grab the flour, would ya? I’ll get the pan.” Rummaging through her cabinets, Nico starts growing a little more frantic. “Where the hell did it go?!”

“Hang on, hang on, I remember where it got to last week-” Parad sets the flour and breadcrumbs on the table, going to a different cabinet. “I think I had to put it over here, because you were busy around the right one, and I just forgot to put it back- yeah, here we go.”

Glaring, she smacks him with a dishtowel. “Don’t! Put! My! Stuff! On! The! Top! Shelf! You! Lanky! Asshole!” Each word is punctuated by another bap. It’s not hard, she doesn’t really mean it, but seriously. He is way too tall to be allowed to put stuff away in this apartment, not when the people who live here are at least a foot shorter than him.

It’s Taiga taking her handheld and putting it on top of the supply closet all over again.

“Okay, okay, I get it already! Come on, N, cut it out!” He’s trying to fend off her attacks by using the frying pan as a shield.

“Nope!” She glares sarcastically. “The beatings will continue until morals improve.”

“…I think it’s supposed to be morale, isn’t it?”

She picks up the pace, and he responds by using one of his magic bugster power shields to block her. “That is cheating, Parad!”

“Hey, Nico, the broth!”

“Shit!”

-

Eventually, everyone’s schedules have finally lined up. All three of them – Emu, Parad, and Kiriya – are going to be at the hospital for once. Admittedly, Kiriya’s only going to be at CR because all four of the bugsters – and Emu, because of his whole ‘technically infected but also not quite human’ deal – are being examined and analyzed and all that tedious research and check-up stuff, but! this is perfect timing!

Okay, mostly perfect timing. Yes, everyone is going to be there today – and he does mean everyone, since Taiga and Nico are helping out due to a lack of overall manpower – but… well, he’s supposed to be sleeping. Same as the others, so that they’re all ‘bright eyed and bushy tailed’ for the tests.

(Those were Kiriya’s very sarcastic terms, not anyone else’s, although Parad kinda agrees.)

Still, he’s supposed to be sleeping, as opposed to getting up at three AM for a few hours to sneak over to Nico’s. He’s going to go back to sleep, really, but he has a few things to make, first.

A lot of things, actually. And he has to assemble them all into a bunch of different things.

“Thank you for letting me use the kitchen, I know that it's a hassle, but-”

“But ya don’t have the equipment, and Emu’d notice you sneaking around. Whereas Poppy has an inkling of what’s going on, but is okay with keeping the unusual number of groceries I’ve been buying for the past month a secret.” Nico giggles. “It’s definitely no problem. Let me know what I can do to help, okay?”

He frowns as he considers this. “I wanna do the cooking and assembly by myself, to prove I can, and it’ll mean way more that way, but if you could, like, get things out when I need them, and help keep up with dishes?”

He gets a thumbs up in reply. “I got ya. I’ll get the boxes out when you’re at that step for you, too, hows that sound?”

“Thanks!”

-

Parad glances at the clock. It’s almost five, he’s supposed to be getting up around seven – and he’s almost done, he really, really is, but he’s not actually done putting the boxes together yet…

He feels a hand on his arm. “Hey.”

Jumping, he turns. “Don’t do that!”

Smiling apologetically, Nico nods toward the assorted lunch boxes. “I’ll wrap this up. If you don’t head back soon, you’re gonna get caught.”

“No, I have to-”

“Dude, go home. I’ll bring ‘em in for ya, to keep the surprise. Besides.” She grins. “We don’t know who’s going when tomorrow, so who knows if you’d be allowed to teleport back by lunch.”

His shoulders slumping in defeat, Parad sighs. “Alright, yeah, you’ve got a point. A couple points. Good ones. Stupid 24-hour power ban… Alright. See you later, and uh, thanks again.”

“Don’t mention it.” Nico smirks. “I mean it, you don’t want you spilling the beans on your own surprise.”

He grins cheekily as he walks out.

-

Once he’s entering his own room, another door cracks open. “Kid? What’re you doing?”

‘Whoops.’ Parad flinches from Kiriya’s scrutinizing look. “Hey. Got kinda wired up. Had to go get some air. No, I didn’t use my powers, I used my key, I’m not dumb.”

“Heh.” Sleepily – looks like he really needed this – Kiriya scoffs. “Nah, if there’s one thing I could never call you, it’s dumb. Reckless, yes. An asshole sometimes, definitely, but Emu and Poppy are the only ones around here who aren’t, and Emu can toe the line when he’s pissed.” His smile dies down. “You okay?”

Parad nods. “Yeah. Really, I just went outside for a little. I’m headed back t’ bed. See ya in a few hours.”

“…Yeah. In a few. Too few.” Kiriya groans. “I hate mornings.”

“Is that why you always have that abomination that you call coffee?”

“Coffee’s perfectly normal, kid.”

“Not the way you drink it. Can I even say that you drink it? Does it still count as a liquid once you pour all that sugar in, or is it more of a syrup at that point?”

“Go to bed, you twerp.”

“Am I wrong though?”

Pointedly ignoring Kiriya’s mostly-pretend glare, Parad waves, heads into his room, and passes the hell out on his bed.

-

“What I can’t believe is that we’re letting Genm just. Wait around out here. I’d’ve thought we’d get him out of the way, and then back in he goes.”

“Yes, yes, very funny, Kujo.”

“The guy is a flight risk, and known terrorist, and a grade-A douche canoe, so, really, it doesn’t make sense for his exam to be one of the last.” Kiriya continues his diatribe, pointedly pretending to not hear anything Kuroto says.

“Yeah, well.” Parad scoffs. “I think it was something about how he’s virtual so much, he needs the extra time in the ‘real’ world to ‘realign’ or whatever.”

“I’m right here, you know. I can hear everything you are saying.”

Kiriya looks at the ceiling, acting confused. “Huh, that’s weird. I thought I heard some sort of weird droning, for a minute there…”

“Kujo, I swear-”

“…Ace? you okay?”

Emu grits his teeth. “I’m fine. Just… tense.” Seeming to realize he’s been pacing for the last ten minutes, he pulls out a chair and sits down, resting his head on his crossed arms. “Just… didn’t sleep well. That’s all.”

Kiriya and Parad look at him, then at each other, and then back at Emu. ““Bullshit.””

“Language.”

Parad frowns. “Sorry you got pulled into this whole testing thing, too.”

His head still down, Emu shrugs. “It’s partly because technically speaking, you’re still infecting me, and I feel I need to repeat for the record that, no, I don’t blame you for. But this way, we can also get more information on how this ‘stage’ of the game disease works. Well, kind of, anyway. The length of time kinda distorts the data, if you ask me.”

“And you’ve been in this situation so long, we may as well call you an honorary bugster.” Kiriya tries to joke. “I mean, you’re the one who wanted your DNA checked out, Ace. Not your fault it confirmed that you’re a hybrid.”

“Yeah, but I don’t even get the extra mileage out of it!” He sounds exasperated, but his grin shows that Emu’s cheering up – or at least doing a good job of distracting himself. “Suuuure, I get to transform without the surgery, and I’m a little stronger than most people, but not even by that much, and I don’t get to teleport!”

Parad shakes his head. “I’m telling you, I’m pretty sure I’ve seen you do little mini forcefields.”

“Those hurt when you use them to shove someone away, you know.”

Emu glares. “Shut it, you were trying to choke me and you had it coming.”

“So you acknowledge that you have some extra powers?” Everyone turns away from the former CEO. “You all just don’t appreci-”

“Boys?” Poppy comes up the stairs. “How’s it going?”

Everyone brightens, Kiriya leaning forward. “Hey, welcome back! So that’s you ‘n me down, and these three to go.”

Whining, Parad drapes himself over a chair. “Are you sure you guys can’t tell anyone what’s coming?”

“Pfeh.” Kiriya snorts. “They wouldn’t even let me ‘n ‘God’ design the tests for you three, let alone ourselves, and we’re the ones who do most of the research. That’s how out of the loop we’re all being kept. The only one’s who’ll probably have the same tests are me and him, anyway, since you and Poppy are in different situations, and Emu, well, is Emu.”

“Funny.”

“Okay, okay, that’s enough, you guys.” Her hands on her hips, Poppy gives them a serious look, then almost immediately beams when all four of the men straighten up.

Parad blinks. “Oh no. She knows everyone’s terrified of letting her down. She’s weaponizing it.”

Emu glances over. “Well, it’s been nice knowing us all.”

“A-hem. Weren’t you two supposed to keep the psychic chatter to a minimum?”

““Sorry.””

“A-ny-way…” With a singsong tone, Poppy drops down onto the couch. “Nico was helping out, but she took off a little while ago, saying something about grabbing lunch.” Frowning, she crosses her arms in a pout. “Except we were all supposed to be here today. Everyone. As a group.”

“What were the plans for lunch, anyway?” Emu slumps back down. “Does anyone actually know? The three of us were told ‘it was taken care of’, but…”

“Yeah, that doesn’t really explain anything, does it?” His arms crossed, Kiriya huffs. “Because explaining anything would just be too difficult, wouldn’t it?”

“Pot, meet kettle.” Taiga’s voice carries from the stairs.

“Oh, right, like you’re one to talk, mister ‘only rider we need around here’!”

“You’re all insufferable.” Hiiro’s voice comes from behind the emerging Taiga.

“And yet you still work with us.”

There’s an amount of light banter as everyone converges into the office, and some facts become clear.

Absolutely none of them brought lunches.

And absolutely none of them were told why they weren’t supposed to.

Parad’s phone goes off, a victory sound effect playing to signal a text. “Hang on, I’ll be back up in a sec.”

Emu gets up as he darts off. “Hey, we��re supposed to be staying in here!”

“I’m not going far!”

True to his word, he comes back up less than five minutes later, Nico right behind him. The both of them are carrying decently sized picnic baskets. Looking quickly around, Parad nods to a spot near the table, where they both set them down, and begin distributing bento boxes to everyone seated around the table.

Each one is personalized, too – a lot of thought was put into this.

-

Emu: Pink with mighty on it, and a cyan chopstick case – the same as his half of Mighty Brothers.

Hiiro: Metallic blue with a picture of a shortcake, and a silver chopstick case (and it was really hard to find a blue version of that – most of them were pastel pinks or purples)

Taiga: Yellow with a pen-and-ink calligraphy of a tiger, and a black and yellow case.

Kiriya: Dark red with a yellow Hawaiian floral pattern, and a dark yellow case with a similar red pattern

Poppy: Pale yellow with pink and green music notes, and a pink case with yellow and green notes

Kuroto: Dark purple with a grey chopstick case. (Parad sets that one down while glaring)

Nico: Purple, pink, and blue tie-dye, and a dark pink case with a pattern of game controller buttons all over.

Parad: Purple with red, blue, and yellow squares, and an orange case the same color as his half of Mighty Brothers.

-

Everyone starts off reluctant to try – the meals all look good, but… well, they’ve never known Nico to cook at all. Sighing, she takes a big bite out of hers. “Come on, it’s not poison, guys.”

After seeing that she doesn’t drop, the others start eating as well – and one by one, light up.

There’s no conversation at this point – everyone’s too distracted, up until Taiga looks at her. “If you can make this, why the hell are you always bringing in all that junk food?!”

She grins deviously. “I said I was going to grab lunch. Never said I was the one who made it.” She turns her grin to the bugster sitting across from her. “Right?”

Fidgeting nervously with the corner of the cloth his box was wrapped in, Parad nods, apparently trying to avoid shrinking into his collar. “I made them. Nico’s been helping me learn, and. Well. I wanted to show how I’ve been doing. Since everyone was going to be here, this seemed like a good enough time as any to do it.”

Kiriya looks at him, a smirk on his face. “Oh, ya mean that’s where you were? Getting some air my ass!”

Poppy beams. “So this is what you two have been up to! I didn’t want to ask, but I knew something was going on!”

Parad nods again, averting his eyes. “Yeah. I thought – if I could at least partly pull my weight, that’d be one thing, but I also realized that cooking is honestly really fun to do. I… was kinda surprised, but… it’s something, and it’s a way I can help, so…” He casts a nervous glance up at Emu, before looking back down. “I’m sorry I didn’t say anything. I know we’ve got the ‘no secrets’ rule in the apartment, but I figured you would tell me ‘not to worry about it’ and not bother, and this is something I really wanted to do, so I can be useful-”

He’s silenced by a hand on his shoulder, and a small wave of reassurance being pushed his way.

Emu smiles. “Why would I say that? I mean, you don’t need to worry about ‘not being useful’, because that's kind of silly. You don’t need a purpose for us to like each other, you know.”

“I know, but… I still-”

“This one is the good type of secret, Parad.” Emu squeezes his shoulder for good measure, and turns back to his lunch. “So, how long have you two been at this?”

Nico chuckles. “Told ya not to worry. We’ve been practicing for about a month – and as you can see, the lanky jerk’s gotten pretty damned good at this.”

Kiriya – half done with his – wheels his chair behind Emu in order to clap Parad on the shoulder. “I’ll say! This is good, kid.” He smirks. “And now we don’t have to get take out almost every night!”

Parad blushes at the complements. “Thanks. The take out thing was a big part of why I started, too.” He gestures toward the boxes themselves. “I, uh, took the liberty of getting these, too – there’s two each, actually. The boxes and cases belong to different sets, and I tried to get ones that fit each person.” With a slight chuckle, he continues. “Yes, I included Genm, because while he may be an unrepentant dick, I’m trying to move on from my assholery… and the site I found had a deal if you ordered a certain number of sets, but it required a lot of sets, and I didn’t quite make it with just everyone else’s, so I figured I might as well round out the whole thing.”