#but it’s been a month since I’ve updated I feel so guilty lol
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I want to write but dry January just ended and I have video games to play. My life is hard.
#… also my pi ended up uhhh resigning for my research is fucking dead lol#which is concerning 5 months before graduation but ya know#also I played hollow knight which was amazing and so so so hard#and then started playing cyberpunk which is… surprisingly so good#but it’s on the Xbox and my SO is playing baldura#gate on that right now#so I’m playing yakuza infinite wealth which again I love so far#video games are so fun. I totally want persona 3 reloaded after this also#so that’s my excuse for not writing at all…… although I do think about akutagawa every day#the next chapter is rough because its just really sad in a way#I love writing misunderstandings but my boy Akutagawa is going to take things not well#but it’s been a month since I’ve updated I feel so guilty lol#the few people that are reading it are so nice and supportive and I really don’t wanna let them down
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Are you trolling or something?The few days ago you were saining that " you will back this week" I am disappointed I am really disappointed it's sucks! Webtoon sucks! So how come they did not tell you it before?! Like... Really Wendy,? It's second time and here we are. Near for update ( again) but no Wait for a month than wait for another month.
Hey I’d come back this weekend if they let me. That was my whole plan but they said no. not sure what I can do except for make the next few episodes as fast as possible.
And I don’t really like to talk about how I’m doing because I never want my readers to associate my struggles with the comic in any way or feel guilty for wanting it to come back and expressing that. However, I’ve been in a very bad place ever since I was forced to take that early break to work on the book. I spent most days in tears and went through just a very difficult mental period where I had to stop looking at anything involved with the comic because any small negative thing would send me on a spiral and would have me sobbing on the couch lol.
There were other stressors in my life contributing to this but it took a lot of time to get myself in a healthy place again and I’m still recovering a bit. So it’s been a bit of a struggle and I’m sure the inconsistent update schedule kinda reflects that.
But I know as my readers you want what’s best for me in the end and I want to put in the work to have healthy boundaries around the creation of the comic and my interactions online. The only thing I have control of is myself so I want to better curate my environment by not reading comments and creating healthier work habits with episodes.
I never want anyone to read the comic and think “man Wendy had a hard time while working on this” I only want you to read the story and enjoy it and not worry about me at all ;) because I love Castle Swimmer and I think both the story and it’s readers deserve the best 💖
Sorry that was so long winded! All in all, I totally understand your frustration. (Yesterday I just sat and stared at the wall the entire day after webtoon told me I couldn’t come back yet lol) but just know that I’m still working on the comic and I’m gonna work on being in a healthier place so that updates can return more regularly in the future 👍
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Hiii! Bunni Checking in to let you all know I have not died, and very much enjoyed my break :)
I should be back to posting by Wednesday, which will be when the last part of the not clickbait series drops!
Other than that, I am happily enjoying my break. I wrote (most) of my essays, and got to spend time with my boyfriend and his family. I also got to play a lot of project sekai, genshin impact, and overwatch — only one of those was a positive experience lol. Since I sorta want to just babble on about my thoughts, I’ll talk about those games. Please feel free to talk with me about them, it really makes my day!
Project Sekai is always fun to play, though I’m not insane at the game or anything (guilty thumb player here). I was able to get all of the new event cards except for Miku and Akito. (Though I got Akito on my side account so 🫡). I’m really upset, I’m the biggest Miku fan out there and I have like no Miku cards. Still, I won’t complain about my Shizuku or the shiny new Saki I got.
Genshin Impact was… something. I have like 121 pulls saved for Furina, and I’ve still got about a month worth of saving to do. I finished act three of the story quest a while ago, and while I enjoyed it, it felt a little too monotonous at times — i think that’s the vibe they wanted though, so I won’t say it’s awful. I’ve been putting off Lyney and act four for ages though, and last night I was forced to do Lyney’s quest for that stupid coffee commission. I wasn’t feeling good at all either, I just wanted to get on and off so I was cursing out Lyney and the developers the whole time, but I liked it generally. It wasn’t anything too special, but Lyney is a cutie! As for act four, I really loved it! I won’t say too much because of spoilers, but seeing my two favorite girls on screen at the end made me so damn happy. I can’t wait to have them both.
Overwatch is probably the oddest stain on my gaming repertoire. I literally HATE fps games, but my boyfriend started playing it this summer and I wanted to have something to do with him over break so I picked it up. I’m a mercy main, if I hadn’t made that obvious before, but I play other characters. God, though, this game is miserable to play. Tanks have it the worst, but being a support main sucks too 😭 Especially Mercy, because no matter your skill level if your team is underperforming you’re almost forced to switch because she relies heavily on a competent team (this goes for everyone I guess, but as a Mercy main I feel it most on her lol). Not that big of a deal for me, but if you’re a one-trick it’s gotta suck :/ Still, I’m excited for the halloween update, I’m just tired of having to solo queue when my boyfriend is busy.
Anyway, that’s really all I’ve been doing. If you’d like to talk more about any of the games I was talking about, or anything about my interests (or YOUR interests) I would love to ❤️ I’m excited to be back soon, thank you for your patience.
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I got my lab results today and my tumour markers dropped 14 points. (It’s a Christmas miracle! lol) They’ve escalated every month since July so to see a sudden drop was weird. I have no idea why. I could theorize but I’m just going to take it as a win and move along.
Last weekend was the Christmas dinner book club meeting. It was so much fun. I haven’t laughed that hard for a long time. We did a gift exchange. We’re not really supposed to spend money on it - it’s just for fun. It could have been anything. I ended up getting a sweary colouring book off of Amazon for $7. The lady who got my gift is in her mid-70’s and when she read the cover “You are Fucking Beautiful”, everyone started to howl. She just ran with it and read all the other pages. It’s so funny to see our “elders” swear like a trucker. lol. (When my 94-year-old Oma talks about someone being an “asshole” I can’t help but chuckle.)
Anyway, it’s been a busy few weeks and I’m wiped out. I think I’ve been dealing with allergies which doesn’t help my energy. They’ve been coming in waves for the past 6 weeks so I know it’s not a cold.
My aunt and uncle on the mainland came down with Covid so we won’t be going there for New Year’s, now. I’m not sure if I’m going to bother to head out to my Dad’s. That would be a lot of travelling to stay a night. (I’m not really interested in staying longer than that.) Especially during cold/flu season. The ferry is a giant sneeze castle, too and it’ll be packed. So, I may reschedule for later in January when things calm down.
My Gofundme/fundraiser has gone well so far. Because of it, I was able to see the dentist this week and I’ll be going back to get my fancy night guard made in January (it’ll be for the bottom teeth and made thinner). This thing is going to cost around $700. lol. I also will be seeing a new physiotherapist that specializes in TMJ next month. I’ll have to go at least once a week and at $130 a pop, that adds up quick. If those things don’t work, then I’ll have to see the TMJ surgeon. Unfortunately, that runs into the thousands so fingers crossed the first two work. I’m super grateful to everyone’s generosity and support. I’ve had a lot of encouragement over the past few weeks since I’ve started it as well which makes me feel good, too.
Today, I went to comedy class online. I didn’t have any new jokes. I wasn’t good at giving feedback to others, either. It’s hard when you feel like the life’s been sucked out of you. It was nice to show up and see everyone, though. I told them one of my goals is to do more live/in-person shows. I haven’t done one in a long time. I can’t keep waiting to “feel better” because that day will likely never come. I need to find a way to do this. I think a big issue is my sleep. I’ve been having problems falling asleep before 1am. Sometimes it’s as late as 3am. Then I have to be up at 7. Having cancer, I need more than that. So I’ll be working on it.
I can’t believe 2024 is just over a week away. It’s New Year’s resolution time! 😝 I haven’t made a resolution in well over a decade. Do people even do them anymore? Maybe I’ll create a poll below and see. lol. Because of my health, it’s hard to even set goals because things are always changing BUT I’m going to try, anyway. Maybe I’ll post them here (closer to January 1st) to keep myself accountable and maybe write a monthly update on how it’s going. I doubt it’ll work but whatever. I’m trying. 😆
I’ve read a few books this month and watched some movies but I’m too tired to stare at my phone any longer to write reviews so I’ll do that later. I did re-watch Serendipity for like… the 20th year in a row. lol. It’s my favourite rom-com and I rewatch it every Christmas. (Just one of my little guilty pleasures.)
Now, I’m going to drink my tea and read my book as per usual.
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life updates again lol
🧸 i’ve been watching revolutionary girl utena recently (canon lesbian event) and i love it!! wish i would’ve watched sooner. the OST is so good lol. i’m on episode 20 now so i’m blazing through it 😭 it’s right up the avenue of the sort of thing i’d be into though so i’m not surprised. it’s very very good but i can 100% understand why people say to approach it with caution and check a trigger list beforehand.
🧸 i am healing from my binge eating disorder one day at a time 🫶🏼 haven’t binged in a few weeks now which is huge. i am seeing positive changes in the way my body physically feels so it’s nice to see things pay off. i don’t want to get into it too much because it’s a sensitive topic both for me and in general but i’m doing my best to get to a place where my relationship with my body and with food and eating is a lot more positive than it is now
🧸 we restarted our longest running dnd campaign yesterday. was a very very hard decision to make but for the best in the long run. starting with a clean slate is weird and a little nerve wracking lol but i had a lot of fun and it’s been a long time since i’ve been able to spend time with my friends and feel “normal” the entire time so i was glad we got the chance to play. i’ve been struggling so much with interpersonal relationships and relationship OCD lately that i wasn’t really sure that things would pan out. self destructive behavior and paranoia etc etc etc. dnd is one of my biggest outlets and i am a lot more sad without it not to sound like a huge nerd. so i’m happy we got to start playing together again.
🧸 i’m trying not to stress too much about money lately but it’s hard lol!! there are so many things i want to do and buy and people to buy gifts for and trips to take and it’s so overwhelming sometimes trying to plan and budget all of it out. i need to be better about saving money but it’s difficult during summer especially when there are countless birthdays going on around me lol it’s hard to keep up. i wish everything wasn’t so expensive 💔
🧸 overall i am doing better the last few days and my period started which means my latest episode was more than likely caused by PMDD which is…👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼 very embarrassing weirdly enough! i wish PMDD were talked about more because the impact it has on me and on my relationships is immense and i always feel guilty placing “blame” on it because i don’t want it to seem like a copout. i just don’t think a lot of people understand how much it distorts my thoughts and feelings (even more than they already are, which is truthfully quite a lot!) and it’s very scary and upsetting to deal with. and knowing that it always comes back really sucks. like having a designated week during the month where i am literally crazy and unstable and nothing really provides any relief is so shitty and embarrassing on top of everything else i already have going on lmao i wish i could catch a break. gonna try and enjoy things while i feel relatively calm and rational 🙃
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hey! i just wanted to come on here and say how much i love your fics and get excited every time you update! i rlly appreciate your contribution to the eremika community so thank you <3 im rlly excited abt your exes to lovers au and i would love to know literally anything else abt it im dying for any little crumb abt it i just know it will be immaculate!
omg thank you this is so sweet like genuinely made my day!! i’ve been feeling really bad bc my health issues kinda stopped me from being able to update for a while and i was feeling super guilty about it but i’ve finally been feeling a lot better so it makes me happy people are excited about the stuff i share so thank you so much genuinely! i really do appreciate it 🥺🧡
the exes to lovers au i have it mostly planned out just need to sit down and compile all the stuff together in an organized fashion (ty @darlingkirstein for rambling with me). i’m always normally better at answering questions than just explaining bc i WILL spoil things if i get to rambling so feel free to ask whatever but here’s a general idea!
basically for this au, the gang is going on a trip post em breakup. eren, obviously tries to back out bc who wants to go on vacation with their ex lol, but armin lets eren know that as his friend, jean really wants eren to be there bc on the trip he’s going to propose to pieck. so eren being the mostly decent guy he is, he still goes. mind you eren and mikasa are not on good terms, and this trip has been booked since even before they broke up so…. obviously they’re sharing their room bc that’s how it was planned. obviously you can see that not seeing your ex for months and then “being on bad terms” it leads to awkwardness and some pent up aggression. the two of them definitely still care about one another but there are things that transpired that led to them being on such bad terms bc their breakup was messy. the few times they DID see each other post breakup it wasn’t pretty so everyone is kind of like “yall need to act right don’t ruin this for everyone lol.” but they’re in italy how romantic they’re gonna fall in love again 🙄 i only believe in happy endings LOL but there’s def stuff that occurs that you’ll have to see hehe
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Long whiny personal update under the cut
Up early cause I picked up call today cause I need the moneys. I haven’t been the best tumblr friend lately, going a week or two between posting and not responding to anyone else’s posts. It’s been a really difficult autumn so far. If it makes y’all feel better I’ve also been a shitty friend IRL too.
Back in mid-September I got a regular old headache on a day off, took an Excedrin and sumatriptan that didn’t help but didn’t think much of it. Went to work the next day and it got progressively worse until I was cold sweating, nauseous, shaking, and having trouble seeing. My manager and both assistant managers were on of course and bullied me into going to the ED. Was there for about 8 hours getting CT scan, MRI, blood work, migraine cocktail, and neuro consult. Ended up being put back on my old dose of diamox and a 3-day course of prednisone with an emergent visit to my neuro-ophthalmologist the following week (since this was a Friday night).
She doubled my dose of diamox and started me on topiramate. We staggered this to try and suss out side effects and y’all…. Jesus Christ.
Without any attempt at eating better/dieting and absolutely 0 exercising (I actually had to cancel my hiking trip to the White Mountains / my first of the NE67, super sad) I’ve lost 15 lbs since Sept. 20. My days off are spent mostly laying in bed, although I picked up 4 hours of OT at work the other week and finally got a TV for my living room so now days off can also be spent on the couch. I didn’t decorate for Halloween. I haven’t mowed my lawn in a month (although to be fair it’s been super rainy on like every single day off, thanks New England). Haven’t picked my pumpkins from the garden yet! My house has been absolutely disgusting with bare minimum amounts of cleaning because I’m so tired and feel so shitty, although I just spent the last two days really working on it because I’m hoping to get my basement finally redone in the next few weeks.
Also started going to therapy cause like…this is not how I want to be living my life and sometimes I wake up and wish I hadn’t? And also like I stepped on Duncan’s foot the other day by accident and had a complete MELTDOWN about it. Like he’s fine and I still feel guilty and teary about it. Also. Like. I had a 5 year plan to start trying for kids soon cause I’m getting old and now I’m SOL???
Anyway. My therapist wants me to journal more and I HATE it but I’m gonna start tumblr-ing more and see if that helps. Will not be telling her that lol.
Thanks for dealing with me.
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EARTHSPARK IS SO GOOD, YOU GUYS. OH MY FUCKING GOD. 😩
Hello boyos, gorls, and nonbinary pals. It’s been a while since I’ve written a huge writing on this silly platform, huh? Lol.
Anyways, quick updates: I’m releasing a new video sometime this month, which is me ranting about the misogyny of the Bayverse. Fun times. Fun times. :D Also, I’ll be at TFCon LA 2023 next week for Saturday and Sunday. Feel free to come by and say hi to me. :)
Back to the review…so….the 2010s to early 2020s has been a very weird decade for Transformers. Not only for the Bayverse movies (my beloathed), but for the tv shows. While Age of Extinction is my guilty pleasure and Dark of The Moon is legitimately good, the movies are declining in popularity and quality, thus resulting in a huge reboot to fix up Bay’s mess. That resulted in Bumblebee (2018), a gem that was the light at the end of a very frustrating tunnel. Transformers Prime started strong, but then turned into a mish mash of wasted potential and became a frustrating chore to watch by the end. RID 2015 is a show that exists. Rescue Bots is great, and Academy is fine for what it is. If you read my review of BotBots before the accidental deletion, that show is pretty good. However, it’s a show where someone might gotta have to take it or leave it. In the middle of the downward spiral of the Aligned continuity and the movie universe rebuilding itself from Bayverse’s mess, Transformers Cyberverse is the true outlier. It’s so great I made an entire video about it that you can check it out in the link below. 🤭
youtube
Now, I wanted to bring this up when talking about Earthspark because ngl, I was worried about the potential likelihood of the show falling into the pittraps of the Aligned continuity in the first round. Now that I’ve watched the show, I can confidently tell you that IT’S EVEN BETTER THAN I EXPECTED. WE HAVE A FUCKING MIRACLE AT THE END OF A TURBULENT DECADE.
This show is thankfully so much amazing and cool and wholesome, JUST LIKE IT HAS NO RIGHT IN BEING THIS GOOD. True, like I always say, there is no such thing as a perfect show. This show definitely have flaws, but they’re not detriment to the show’s quality. It’s basically everything I ever want from a Transformers show, including even subversions of the Transformers formula like Cyberverse.
Let’s go on this little journey together on everything I like and dislike about the show. Spoiler warning here since this show is best experienced blind and I’m not like some people who decided it’s a good idea to not put spoilers behind a tag or filter. Don’t be like these people. Don’t spoil the show for those who cannot access it. Don’t do it. 🙂
Anyways. 3, 2, 1, Pingu.
The Good, The Bad, The Skullcruncher:
Let’s get the elephant in the room clear: the art style is…an art style that exists. It’s not for everyone and it did take me a while to warm up to it. However, over time, I’ve gotten used to it since the amazing animation and fight choreography are great enough to make up for the art style.
The school episode is meh. It’s nothing interesting of note except the Terran parts and frankly, I find the two bullies pretty annoying. However, it does deserve points for having the amazing Daran Norris back in a Transformers show. At least it is not boring, but it’s not worth noting.
The humor sometimes doesn’t land, especially since modern humor such as the iPad environment we’re in is a delicate line these days. The humor is Yeessss tier most of the time though.
I’m glad that Hashtag didn’t keep her weird accent when she first appeared. That’s a plus. 👍🏽
Bee did come across as a bit of an asshole at first, which was admittingly something I wasn’t vibing with. However, thanks to the power of good character development, I warmed up to him. However, a counterpoint is that it’s a unique subversion of how Bee is introduced from other Transformers media.
I have no idea how to feel about Mandroid. It feels like he really doesn’t have much of a significant impact on the story, since GHOST are the main antagonist and the Decepticons being more of a morally gray chaotic neutral type characters. After the end of the first part, I only have questions of where the hell is he. It’s such a shame, since he has a lot of interesting potential and he has a banger voice actor behind him. At least he came back in the finale episode for reasons I’ll get to in the positives section of this review.
Anyways…yeah, that’s all I have to talk about in terms of critiques. Let’s move onto the good stuff: EVERYTHING ELSE. 🥳
A Night of a Thousand Bumblebees:
This show gets points for referencing the Optimist Prime and Negatron meme.
The main characters are just so charming and lovable, I WILL PROTECT THEM WITH MY LIFE. The Malto family is the main human characters done right. Dot is such a badass with such an enduring friendship with Megatron, along with being a loving mom and best wife to Alex. She’s also really great disability representation, showing that even with the prosthetic leg, she’s still a badass. Speaking of Alex…this man has no right in being such a lovable dork who loves his family and having so much swag. I want that Bumblebee suit. Mo and Robbie are very likable and adorable, especially regarding to their relationship with their Terran siblings. Speaking of the Terrans, they’re just utter darlings and a joy to watch. Twitch is hyperactive and cute, Thrash has a lot of funny moments and a likable personality, Hashtag is surprisingly enjoyable considering her powers of the Internet, I would die for Jawbreaker, AND NIGHTSHADE IS THE AUTISM CREATURE. I fucking love them, not only for being already being great nonbinary representation but also has a lot of relatable quirks such as their mechanic hyperfixation and their difficulty in having social interactions with other people. And…THE SCENE WHERE THEY SAY THEY ARE THEY/THEM HAD ME SOBBING SO HARD. It’s just amazing to see the franchise that helped me out so much throughout my life validate my existence and the existence of so many others like me. ✨😭✨
LOOK AT FLUFFY EARS. SHE’S SO ADORABLE. 🥺
ELITA IS MY PINK WIFE. I FUCKING LOVE HER. SHE CAN TOP ME. ✨😩✨
Bumblebee took a while for me to warmed up to him, but he eventually becomes the Bubblewrap we all know and love. Also, his relationship with Breakdown, although brief, is so wholesome. 🥺
Other things I love is the voice acting, including the welcomed returns of Transformers alumni such as Steven Blum and Roger Craig Smith, the animation is beautiful, the fight scenes are bonkers and well choreographed, the humor is yeesss tier, and overall, the messages such as having a good relationship with your family and good teamwork. Delicious food. ✨
I really love what this show is doing with Megatron and Optimus. Their relationship is perhaps my favorite part of the show. You can definitely feel not only how close they are as fwiends, but you can see both sides of the idea they represent: what if every bot deserve second chances? I appreciate the nuance to the Autobot vs Decepticon conflict, something that is definitely built up from Cyberverse. Here, it explores in depth about the more gray and complex areas of the conflict, where neither side is right nor wrong. However, it’s a reasonable two sides of a coin story that is explained well enough to appeal to both kids and adults. I also like how Megatron and Optimus are willing to hear each other out even through their disagreements. Optimus is also very likable and adorable, being a big ol dork you cannot help but be charmed by. Now…let’s focus on Megatron now.
I thought “Decay” was my favorite episode for exploring Optimus’ and Megatron’s relationship in depth, and bitter divorce ex Soundwave…until “Warzone” came out. This Megatron manages to fix the main issue of Autobot Megatron: it makes sure that he has to work hard to earn trust in his journey of redemption. He is someone with a lot of regrets over how much destruction and devastation done to Cybertron, because of his actions. It doesn’t sugarcoat the realities of his redemption: there are people who are not gonna accept that he wants to end the war nor understand how much the war costed the Cybertronian people everything. The cherry on top of his lessons to the baby boo boos about not repeating the same mistakes the Transformers did is the presence of the flowers from the IDW. Quick summary: they represent how much lives are lost in a conflict. Just…the way it fell from the monument at the Spacebridge Memorial to Megatron gently picking it up and putting it back on it, symbolizing how much he truly changed for the better. After the fight with Shockwave, including all the heartbreaking LAYERS of the gravity of Megatron’s redemption, it concludes on a beautiful message that many people came learn from, especially in these current times. you cannot change the past, but if we learn about it, we will be able to not make those same mistakes ever again. Thus, “Warzone” is my favorite episode in the entire season. In fact, I want to dedicate an entire essay to how this series portrayed Megatron once everything is done and finished. We’ll come back to the topic soon, lads.
Also, I really love how the show is exploring the not so bright side of having bots on planet Earth. The finale episode is perhaps the episode that rivals “Warzone” for not only bringing more amazing nonbinary representation in the form of Sam (looking forward to seeing her and their relationship with Nightshade in future episodes), but for managing to tell a story of how to deal with racism (through the Terrans being treated as outsiders in the big city) without sugarcoating it and telling it in a way that kids can understand. Hashtag feels the most pain in being treated as an outsider, even with her family there to tell her that everything will be okay. Then…perhaps one of the darkest scenes of Transformers as a whole is when Mandroid took over her as an attempt to get rid of the baby boo bops and try to get Bumblebee’s parts, and feeds into her insecurities over whether or not she has the right to live on Earth. Through the use of mind tricks, he is a representation of all the disgusting ignorance and stupidity plaguing our real world right now, trying to “prove” that marginalized people, who are represented by the Terrans here, have no right to exist. However…then the Malto kids used the power of the Green Prime to reach out to Hashtag and let her know that everything will be okay. True, not everybody is going to be compassionate and understanding of people who are different from them. There are genuinely evil and hateful people who will never be negotiated with and will never understand the concept of being a decent human being. However…it doesn’t mean that you should let them get to you. You deserve the right to be yourself and live your life the way you want to live it. You are surrounded by people who love you and understand what you’re going through. You are not alone. You are good enough. In a time where we experience such amount of racism, misogyny, and homophobia in places in and out of the Transformers fandom…we need this message more than ever. We should not follow Mandroid’s hateful ideology. Instead, we should be the Maltos. Love will triumph over hate, and no matter how much the world tries to crush you, you are more than meets the eye in beautiful ways.
Conclusion: This is number three on the Transformers ranking list as of the time I am writing this. 💕
Transformers Earthspark is incredible. It has no right in getting everything so right. It’s a fantastic love letter to the Transformers franchise as a whole. Let the haters talk smack. I am confident in saying that this show is the ever rare Ultra Yesss tier 10/10.
Please check it out if you have accessibility to the show on any platform. I promise that you’ll not regret this fantastic start of a promising new future for Transformers. ❤️
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defeating writer’s block
It’s been over a month since i’ve last written a proper chapter for my ongoing fics. I’ve exhausted my backlog of written chapters and I have not written a single thing since then! A combination of craziness at work, a couple of trips, and getting sick has made it extremely difficult to write anything.
I feel incredibly guilty about my absence, though I know the readers are very understanding -- also, there’s been a lot of decent crop of material on AO3 these days, so it’s not like people are starving for content? But at the same time... I feel bad for those who were waiting patiently for my updates lol.
Anyways, I’m going to try getting rid of this writer’s block by putting my music library on shuffle and using a random generator for a pairing and write some ficlets for a couple of hours. See where this takes me and get me out of this horrible slump.
Any tips are also welcome <3
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Patreon Update - New CC!
Hello everyone!! I’m finally back from my little trip! I am well-rested and very excited to come back and make more cc! As you all know, EA has updated their TOUs for creators and here’s my opinion on the matter.
While making cc has basically changed my life, cause it helped me paying for my education, I don’t support patron exclusive content. I’ve been releasing my cc on early access to my patrons because I really relied on that money to live, but I’ve always wanted my cc to be free for everyone, and that’s why you can all go an download everything I’ve made. I really support EA’s idea to put a stop to patron exclusive, and since I have no more money issues (at least of now) I have decided to put an end to early access on my patreon. I’ll still keep my tiers in case you want to support or get some WIPs, and because I’ll still make commissions for those who want me to make poses for them. However, I feel it’s important to add that this decision doesn’t just come from a place where I no longer need the money. Lately, I haven’t been enjoying making cc that much, cause it transformed into a job for me, and it wasn’t fun anymore, so I really want to make cc whenever I want and not because I HAVE TO. So, this is how’s going to be from now on! I’ll keep making cc and share it for free, and if you want to support me, that’s welcomed too, but I want you to know that I won’t share cc every month, or maybe I will, I don’t know. I don’t want to be attached to my patreon again or to feel guilty because I couldn’t deliver you what you paid for.
With all that being said, I’ve been working on a new collection FOR A WHILE! I’ll finish it soon (hopefully). I’m not going to give you guys a date of release, cause I don’t want to dissapoint you, but I’m sure you’ll like it! ALSO! Don’t forget I have a Discord sever that’s not really perfect cause I’m terrible at using Discord, lol. But you can all join and get in touch with me to chat or to share some ideas. I’d love to hear ideas, cause those always go away somehow, and because that really helps me making cc that I know you need and that you’ll enjoy.
Finally, thank you so much for being there for me even though I’ve been so MIA this year. It’s been complicated for me to keep my Patreon and my blog going, and knowing that there’s someone out there waiting for me means a lot! I will try my best to keep sharing my little creations with you ♥
See you soon!
SFCC 🌻
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Get to know me!
Thanks @the-type-a for the tag!
(I literally wasn’t expecting to do this many but if it’s just more exciting this way)
🖋 - Do you have/want any tattoos?
I don’t have any but I want a couple in the future. A butterfly for sure and maybe something Taylor Swift related too.
💚 - What’s your favourite colour?
If I had to pick it would be olive green or lavender.
🍕 - What’s the last food you ate?
An omelette. I had it for dinner like an hour or so ago.
🕰 - What time is it where you are rn?
It’s 19:50 (update: I finished this at 20:28. It took me so long wtaf😭)
🌟 - What’s your zodiac sign?
I’m a Capricorn! I wish I knew my whole chart tbf. I keep meaning to learn it hahah.
🌍 - What’s your favourite accent?
Idk tbh. Probably Italian or Spanish. I love Northern Yorkshire accents too.
⚡️ - Do you have any scars?
A couple yeah.
🌺 - What’s your MBTI type?
ISTP😍
🥀 - Favourite animated movie?
Inside Out without a doubt.
📺 - Favourite show?
Theres a couple at the minute. Total Drama obviously. Then there’s Boy Meets World, Brooklyn Nine-Nine and Glee is an absolute guilty pleasure.
😂 - Are you ticklish?
Yes, and I won’t be responsible for an injuries caused if you try to tickle me.
💍 - Do you ever want to get married?
Nope! I haven’t since I was little tbh. I just can’t see myself being married.
😳 - Do you like your name?
Uh. I do like it in theory, however bc of personal reasons I’ve grown not to like it.
💙 - What colour is your room?
White walls w/ grey skirting boards. It sounds a bit boring but I actually love it sm.
🤓 - How did you get your name?
My dad picked it bc it means “fathers joy”.
🎓 - When did/when do you graduate?
I graduate in a couple of yearssss
🍄 - Do you have/want any piercings?
No, and the idea of getting any kind of scares me icl. Maybe I will in the future idk.
👀 - What colour are your eyes?
They’re kind of bluey-green with like random brown bits in the middle. I love them tbh.
👱🏻♀️ - What’s your go to hairstyle?
Straightened and then just left down. It’s how it looks best icl.
🍻 - Have you ever drank underage?
Yeah a couple of times. Not a lot though, just a couple here and there.
🍾 - Have you ever been drunk?
Nah. I’ve never drunk enough for that ahahaha.
😱 - What’s your biggest fear?
Probably tight spaces. Or my dad lol🤪
🥵 - Would you rather be too hot or too cold?
Too cold 100%. I can’t stand being too warm. Even like 25 degrees Celsius is too warm for me. It’s sm easier to warm up that cool down too.
🌦 - What’s your favourite weather?
Thunderstorms. I hate being outside during them, but I live sitting by a window and watching/listening to them. They’re so satisfying.
🍂 - What’s your favourite season?
Autumn defo!!!
🐷 - What’s your favourite animal?
Butterflies or cats! Hedgehogs are close too tho.
🐶 - Do you have any pets?
A fish named Nick (he used to have 2 siblings but they both died and I need to get him some more). Also a cat name Joey. I’m actually obsessed w him.
😴 - What’s the longest you’ve gone w out sleep?
It’s like 2 days or something? I’m not entirely sure haha.
🎨 - Any hobbies?
Mostly just reading tbh. I sew sometimes too.
🛩 - If travelling was free, where is the first place you would go?
Scotland, to see my best friend. I haven’t seen her in months and I miss her so bad.
🎇 - What’s your most searched thing on Google?
Does AO3 count ahahsh.
📱- Favourite app on your phone?
Tumblr or Snapchat!
🤠 - Are you more of a country person or city person?
City 100%. I can’t imagine living too far out in the country. I feel like it would get so boring.
Tagging:
@catastrophicmind @honeymuck
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Weekly Writing and Reading Update
Hello, I went on a hike that was almost certainly a bit too hard for me. Standing hurts now :( On the plus side, I got to take my new hiking poles out for a spin and GAME-CHANGER. On the minus side, there was so much up-and-down, ow.
Writing
A Common or Garden Romance? - I wrote a chapter in one sitting yesterday and posted it, woooo!
Also I have been awful about filling the Miss Fell’s weekly prompts this month, and I feel inexplicably guilty about it? I will try to fill them in the next week or two, just for the fun of a writing exercise and all.
Also also WHUMPTOBER prompts are out! I’ll probably tentatively pick what I want to write over the next week, and then start in on them. I am extremely glad I am not moving this October, and will thus probably get to them all this year, since this is easily the Most Me challenge in a given year, lol.
Reading
I’ve read nearly all the Birchbark House series books, and I love them so, so much. Unqualified recommend. Maybe I do wish the description was a little thicker, but I don’t care, because I love these characters so much. Old Tallow is, maybe, the best and most moving literary character I’ve read in ages??
(I am also quietly pleased at how Yellow Knife changes over time, how she becomes angry and unlikeable because, frankly, my mother is undergoing the same change, and it feels so familiar.)
Anyway, they’re such good books. Technically I’m still reading Makoons, but I’ll finish that later today.
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This morning, my daughter’s Christmas present to me arrived in the mail. She even had it gift wrapped with a card. I’m impressed she did all that on her own. Ella was sad that it came late but I didn’t care. This thing is amazing! A heating pad for the neck and shoulders. I seriously want it 24/7 attached to me. Best. Gift. Ever. She is awesome. Very grateful I have such a thoughtful kid.
I also rescheduled Ella’s appointment with the pain clinic at Children’s Hospital to next month. If I had to take her next week, I would not be a happy camper. The neck is spasming, aching and I’m feeling really emotional. This will also give us more time to get her into physiotherapy. Over the Christmas holidays was just too hard. We had Covid and so much other stuff going on. She’s been regularly taking her supplements, but she hasn’t been consistent with her exercises.
I also managed to make an appointment next week Tuesday for the dentist to take a look at my mouth guard. I woke up over a week ago with my mouth full of blood. Due to all the medications I’m on, I bleed easily and that’s scary as I’m also prone to infection. A part of the night guard was rubbing my gums. This happened once before with my old guard when I was going through chemo in 2018. Anyway, the dentist, of course, was shut for the holiday break. 🙄 So now I have an appointment next week Tuesday (after my bloodwork appointment) for them to take a look at it. It fits too tight. I swear that hasn’t helped with my jaw issues, either. It’s supposed to prevent problems not cause them. Anyway, hopefully they can loosen it up and “grind” it down a bit. 😬
Well, the weather forecast is telling me that rain is expected to start in 46 minutes so I’m going to head out for a slow walk around the block. Maybe catch some Pokémon. 😜 Of course, I always have a lot more to write but I’ll do that later. I’ve found since I’ve been writing more here that I don’t burden my family and friends so much. Unless they specifically ask me how I’m doing or they want me to do something, I don’t generally tell anyone anymore what’s happening. I just feel everyone’s eyes glaze over.
The worst is when people text or email me how I’m doing or say, “Hey, let’s get together,” and I give them a quick update and then… silence. 😂 For me, it feels superficial when they do that. However, I know they aren’t. So I get over myself and let it go. Unfortunately, if they want to remain in my life, and be my friend, they have to be patient. I’m not over-doing anything for anyone anymore. We can always do FaceTime or Zoom. It’s not the same but it’s a close second. Once I feel well enough, I will be making plans to see everyone. It will take multiple trips, and will likely take me months but I miss them and want to start taking those photo memories. Unfortunately, I have only been off this island once in a year. (Man, I sound like Gilligan 🤣). I live next to the ferry now so it is easier for me to just walk to the terminal and meet them on the other side at the mall or something. Unfortunately, these past seven months (since we moved, AGAIN), I’ve had to deal with a lot of adjustments, med changes, health complications, scans, appointments, stuff for Ella etcetera etcetera and the only energy I seem to have left is reserved for my daughter. As an example, since moving here (with my parents), I’ve only been out with my Mom (one-on-one) once… and we live together!
Sounds like I’m trying to justify my feelings and actions to myself. 😂 The thing is, I feel guilty and I need to stop it. Guilt doesn’t help. Not to mention, I’ve got nothing to feel guilty about. It’s just circumstances. So yeah… that’s all I’m going to say about that. I really went on a tangent there. What else is new? lol. Time for my walk. ☺️ *Oh, and just as a note to self, this is my 138th post. I only know that because I finally went on the desktop version of this site and checked my archives. I had no idea I could do that. Duh. lol.
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Stay Away
Pairing: Reader/Jason Todd
Genre: Smut
TW: AGE GAP!! PSEUDO-INCEST! PLEASE READ SUMMARY, IVE RECEIVED LOTS OF CRITICISMS FOR THIS FIC SOOOO
Summary: THIS IS A REPOST SINCE TUMBLR TOOK IT DOWN DUE TO POSSIBLE REPORTS LOLOL
This fic is about a young Robin!Reader with a much older Jason. Mentions of past sexual abuse. This started out as a drabble lol, I got carried away. Anyway, Hope you enjoy! I love reading comments, so don't be shy!
Edit: Due to this fic being my only controversial one, I’d like to update the warnings by giving a brief description of what happens. Reader is adopted by Bruce at 14, she has a small innocent crush on Jason that isn’t explored until she is older (Jason has ZERO feelings for her at this stage because SHE IS JUST A KID HERE). At 16, she becomes more aggressive in flirting with Jason. At 17 (Gotham’s legal age of consent- I based this on New York’s age of consent), she has oral sex with Jason. At 18, they have sex (Jason is 27).
I wrote this a while back, and now that I’ve learned a few things along the way, I realise that a sexual relationship between a 27 year old and an 18 year old is still highly problematic- even though legal. I do not condone these actions in real life, and I doubt Jason would as well. This is purely fictional, an outlet for my fantasies when I was younger. I still do not believe in creative censorship and I want people to enjoy this fic even if it has no place in the real world. We are all allowed to escape into fiction and our own fantasy and enjoy them privately without guilt.
“And this is Jason,” Bruce introduced you to him.
Another one?, Jason thought, though he felt slightly guilty for thinking it. He had many problems with Bruce, but deep down he knew that Bruce adopted all of them out of kindness and good intentions.
“Hey,” he grunted, holding out his hand.
You just looked at him with big, frightful eyes, still sticking close to Bruce’s side. You looked young. You couldn’t have been older than fourteen. Your hair was cropped messily short, and it made you look almost like a young boy.
Jason raised an eyebrow and dropped his hand when you didn’t take it.
“Who’s he?” you whispered to Bruce with a soft voice that the average person wouldn’t have been able to hear.
“He, well,” Bruce hesitated, “He’s Red Hood.”
Jason’s eyebrows shot up.
“I decided to tell her everything,” Bruce explained to Jason, “So she can make an informed choice since young.”
“When you’re that young,” Jason glanced at you then back to Bruce, “Anything would sound cool. Even something dangerous that will rob you of your childhood. It’s not an informed choice, you’re basically dangling a cookie in front of her.”
“I’m not young,” you squeaked, “You’re just old.”
Jason scoffed at that.
Though you had voiced out your comeback, you were still shaking in nervousness, refusing to meet his eye.
Jason couldn’t blame you for that. He knew how his eyes looked.
“All of you were younger than her when you chose this life,” Bruce said softly.
“Did we really choose, Bruce?” he argued back.
“I’m not encouraging her,” he defended, “In fact, I’m doing the exact opposite. This time, I’m telling her the truth and nothing but the truth. The good, and the ugly.”
Jason saw how you didn’t like the way the conversation was going, talking about you as if you weren’t there. You had a deep frown on your face that made you look older than you were, but also, paradoxically, a cute pout that brought out the child in you.
“Whatever,” he finally shrugged, “Your kid. As if any of us had a say in anything anyway. If this was the only reason why you asked me to come here, I’ll be leaving.”
He turned to leave the manor, to go back to his safe house.
“Good riddance, old man!” you called out after him in a shaky voice.
Jason looked back and raised an eyebrow. You immediately blushed and avoided his eyes. In the back of his head, he thought about how he could recognize your accent anywhere.
***
The next time Jason visited the manor, which was about two months after the initial introduction, he found Bruce training you basic self-defense in the Cave.
Your hair had grown slightly, and you probably fixed the cut to suit your features better.
“What happened to being discouraging?” he said out loud.
You jumped at his voice, but Bruce looked at Jason knowingly.
“It’s just self-defense,” Bruce explained, “Useful regardless of Robin or not. She’s a fast learner.”
Jason saw how your face lit up at his praise.
Great, he thought. You weren’t even Robin yet and you already got that Robin complex every one of them seemed to have had.
The constant need for praise and emotional connection from Bruce, as well as a sense of delusional idolization of the man who adopted all of you.
“Where’s Grayson?” he huffed.
“Right here, Jay,” Dick’s warm and bright voice came from behind. Jason resisted the urge to jump just like you did.
Dick was already in his Nightwing costume, and walked towards you.
“Hey little sis!” he greeted, arms open. You flung yourself at him for a hug.
Jason rolled his eyes.
“Don’t the two of you live here?” he scoffed.
“Just because you’re emotionally constipated doesn’t mean the rest of us are,” you shot at him.
Jason smirked. You were feisty, yet still wary of him.
He found that adorable.
“She’s right,” Dick chuckled, “You wanted to see me, Jay?”
“Later,” he mumbled, and changed into his alter ego.
Once Jason and Dick were alone on patrol, he brought it up.
“Don’t you disagree with this?”
“With what?”
“Her,” he said, “Or more specifically, him bringing her into all of this.”
“I did at first,” Dick frowned, “But you’ve only met her once, Jay. You don’t live with her. She’s been through a lot, and her being Robin, well, I think it’d be good for her.”
Jason felt his chest tightening. Bruce had always used the excuse that he made all of them into Robin to help channel their emotions into doing good, to prevent them from falling into darkness.
Yet, Jason still did. And he fell right into an abyssal void that he was still trying to get out of.
“Maybe,” Dick continued, “You should get to know her. You’ll see what I’m talking about, and what Bruce sees in her. Tim disagreed at first as well, but after a while, even he warmed up to the idea.”
He frowned at Dick, and then looked away, sighing.
“Whatever.”
***
A month later, Jason had agreed to meet Dick and Tim at a diner.
The food wasn’t that good, and the service average, but it held many memories for him. Dick used to take him there after patrol when he was still Robin. When he went rogue, Dick had brought Tim there. Post-rogue, all three of them would meet up.
He was early, because he was closer. He waited about ten minutes before he saw Tim walking through the door, with Dick behind him. Following Dick, he saw you.
He frowned.
He supposed that he had to get used to you being around, since you were already in the picture.
He didn’t know why he felt like distancing himself from you. With Tim, he had a good reason. A personal reason that he had moved on from.
But you? He had no reason to push you away. Though, Jason had the tendency to push everyone away.
Dick took a seat next to Jason at the booth, and across from him were Tim and you. You were dressed simply in an oversized hoodie he recognized belonged to Dick. It made you seem smaller and younger than you really were. Your hair was in a short bob now. So you were growing it out after all.
Fine. He decided to give you a chance. He had been unfair to you, after all.
“Isn’t a bit too late for you to be out, kid?” he poked at you, “Don’t you have school tomorrow?”
“Fuck you, you colossal freak of nature,” you cussed at him.
Jason was taken aback.
And then he started laughing out loud.
You weren’t so bad after all. The shyness and wariness that you displayed the earlier times almost all gone, and then there was that familiar accent that he somehow felt at ease listening to.
Dick let out a loud groan.
“You owe me twenty,” Tim suddenly said to Dick.
“Come on,” Dick addressed you, “I had faith in you! What happened?”
“It’s just in my nature, okay?” you pouted, “I can’t help it.”
Dick fished out a twenty and threw it at Tim.
“What is happening?” Jason asked, confused.
“I bet ten that the first thing she says to you would be an insult, twenty if she threw in the word ‘fuck’,” Tim grinned.
“And I,” Dick enunciated dramatically, “Thought that she would at least hold it in until after we finished eating.”
“What, you a potty mouth or something?” Jason smirked at you.
“Unless Alfred or Bruce is around,” you grinned.
It was the first time you smiled at him.
“Coward,” he shook his head, “I used to say all sorts of shit even in front of Bruce and Alfred. You gotta step up your game, kid.”
“And Alfred got you bankrupt, didn’t he?” Dick reminded, “You had to put so much of your allowance in the swear jar.”
“I believe in freedom of expression, alright?” Jason huffed, “I had to stand by my principles.”
“Principles?” Tim scoffed, “You?”
“Yes, me, Timbers,” Jason reiterated, “I’m a man of my word. If I’m gonna swear, I’m gonna go all the way.”
“You’re an old man of your word,” Jason heard you mumble.
“I’m only twenty-three, sweetheart,” he responded, “Dick’s the old man here.”
“Am not!” Dick protested.
“Yeah, Dick’s not,” you agreed.
“How does that make any sense?” Jason challenged.
“Because Dick doesn’t treat me like I’m a kid,” you shrugged, “He brings me up to his level, so I don’t see him as an old man. You on the other hand…”
“But you are a kid!” Jason argued back, “What are you, twelve?”
“You know for a fact that I’m fourteen!” you growled.
Jason grinned at you, and expected you to continue defending yourself. But for some reason, you just remained silent, and he saw a blush of red settling on your cheeks.
“Whatever you say, kid.”
***
The time that passed between that night and the next time he came back was shorter. He watched you train with Dick, and saw that you had already improved a lot.
He went back, and came back again, three weeks later. Your moves were faster, cleaner, more efficient.
He went back, and came back again, a week later. You landed a blow on Tim.
Soon, he realised that he was looking forward to his visits, because he wanted to see how much you progressed during the short time he was gone- and you never disappointed.
“She must be training nonstop,” he casually said to Tim one night on patrol. Bruce still didn’t allow you out with them yet, because you were still too new.
“Dude, she wakes up at four every morning to train for two hours before going to school,” Tim told him, “After she gets back, she does her homework and studies for a bit, and then trains again for another three hours before going to bed. She’s borderline crazy.”
Jason frowned to himself.
He knew that pattern. Training relentlessly to lose himself in the physical exertion, to feel like he had some sort of power every time he landed a punch, to regain some sort of control.
You were either running away from something, or towards something.
“I never asked,” he started, “But how did he end up adopting her?”
“Uh,” Tim rubbed the back of his head in hesitation, “I don’t know if I should be the one to tell you. You should ask her yourself.”
“Oh, come on,” he groaned, “You mean to tell me that you asked her yourself? Dick or Bruce didn’t tell you?”
“Of course!” Tim grumbled, “We’re friends, Jason. We hang out. We talk. You’re the only one missing from the circle.”
“Fucking whatever.”
***
He really wanted to ask, he really did.
If not out of care, then out of curiosity.
But honestly, a heart to heart talk with another human being? That wasn’t him.
Yet, he really wanted to know.
He had tried to sit down next to you when you were just watching TV alone in the living room, he had tried to knock on your door while you were blasting shitty music out loud. He had even tried to call you up and see if you wanted to meet him for dinner somewhere.
But he never got to it.
In the end, a year had passed since he first met you, and it was your big night. It was your first debut as Robin.
“Stick to at least one of us,” Jason overheard Bruce instruct you in the Cave, “Don’t go off on your own, don’t act first, and always listen to orders.”
“Yes, sir,” you rolled your eyes, then put on your domino mask.
Jason smirked at your attitude. You had come out of your shell and he learned that you were really a feisty, sassy, annoying little brat.
He thought the Robin uniform suited you. It was more modern than his was- the colors more muted- and he saw that you probably had demanded Bruce to include designs of your own. Like how your black cape sort of shimmered in the light, and how there was fucking lace at the lateral sides of your legs.
Your hair was long now.
All of you split up during patrol, and Jason had found himself panting on a roof after taking down a dozen guys who thought it was a good idea to seek revenge for the time he pissed on them from the edge of a building while they were doing a drug exchange.
It had been pretty funny, the way they were so furiously humiliated.
Out of the corner of his eye, he thought he saw a movement. He turned to look at the building from across the street, and saw that you were sitting there on the edge, legs dangling, overlooking the alley below.
He grappled to where you were and silently approached you from behind.
“I thought he told you to stick to someone,” he said.
“Jesus, fuck,” you jumped, “Stop doing that, you asshole.”
“Think of it as training for your ears,” he chuckled, and sat down next to you.
“I was with Bruce, then Dick, then Tim, then I ran away from Tim to find you,” you explained, “Looks like you found me first, though.”
“Why did you want to find me?”
“Dunno,” you shrugged, “It’s my first night. Just wanted to see everyone in action.”
“Well, you missed one big fight,” he said, “Took out a dozen guys in under five minutes.”
“Not bad,” you smirked, “Wish I could have seen it.”
“You will eventually,” he hummed, “It’s not a big deal.”
“Yes, because you obviously have done worse,” you poked.
“Is that why you were so afraid of me in the beginning?” Jason wondered, “Because you knew I killed people?”
“I was never afraid of you,” you frowned, “What gave you that idea?”
“You couldn’t stop shaking the first time I met you,” he reminded.
“Fine,” you conceded, “You looked pretty big and scary. And when Bruce said that you were Red Hood, that shook me up a bit. But it wasn’t because you killed people.”
“That’s a first,” he scoffed.
“But now I know that you’re just a massive prick who pretends to be badass to cover up the fact that you’re just a sad, fragile being- well, it’s hard to be scared.”
“Oh, we’re throwing shade now are we?” he snickered, “What about you and your obsession with training just to compensate for the fact that you feel small and weak inside with no control over your life?”
He had expected you to retort, but you just frowned and looked down towards the alley.
Shit.
Jason always had that problem where he didn’t know when to shut up, or what not say to people. Granted, most of the time he didn’t care if the other party got offended or not.
But he didn’t want to hurt you.
He was just going to open his mouth to apologize until-
“I’ve been here before,” you started, “This alley. A long time ago. My big brother- he dragged me here away from my dad so he could beat me up.”
Jason remained silent in shock.
“Not that my dad was any better,” you added, “I guess my brother was like that to me because my dad was like that to him.”
He didn’t know how to respond to that. Was he supposed to comfort you? Or tell you something funny to distract you from the sadness?
Instead, he asked, “What about your mom?”
Jason’s mom had been there, yet not fully there. But when she was, he was grateful at least, to know the warmth of a hug in a run down apartment with no heater during the winter.
“Died giving birth to me,” you explained, “Dad always blamed me for it. He’d tell me that he wished I was never born- that he wished he wore a condom when he fucked mom, that at least if she was alive, he didn’t need to fuck whores.”
“And fuck whores, he did,” you continued bitterly, “But they weren’t enough, I guess. He- he even- I-”
You never finished your sentence, but you didn’t need to. Jason was smart enough to put two and two together.
He felt his blood boil, his rage seeping in. It was like he was that Red Hood again. And for the first time since he came back to Bruce, he didn’t try to push that memory away.
He could go rogue again. Just one more time.
“Where is he- they- where are they now?” Jason managed to grit, tasting blood in his mouth.
“Dead,” you snorted, “Thanks to you.”
“What?”
That took him out of his burning anger.
“Turns out dad was working with Black Mask,” you elaborated, “He dragged my brother with him as well. It’s how he managed to afford all those prostitutes and heroin, I guess. I think they were at one of those shipments you crashed or something back then. You left twenty dead.”
Fuck, he remembered.
Black Mask was at the docks, waiting for a shipment of weapons, drugs, and girls. He remembered feeling frustrated that Black Mask slipped away before he got to him, so he took out his anger on everyone else working with Black Mask.
“Lived in the streets after that,” you continued, “Fend for myself. Cut my hair short so people would think I was a boy. I had to stay tough, you know? When Bruce found me, I was doing an odd job for one of the local gangs. Small one. Was supposed to recruit people my age. Start them young, he said. I guess Bruce had been following me for a bit. He approached me and that scared the shit out of me.”
You paused to smile sadly at the memory.
“But he just asked me for my name, and age,” you stared into space, “And he told me that I could do better than that. That I had potential. He asked me if I wanted to help people rather than drag them into dangerous stuff. And how could I say no? Especially after wishing for so long that someone would come and help me when I was with my dad and brother living in a run down apartment with a leaking roof near Crime Alley.”
You finally looked at him.
Jason was glad that he was wearing a helmet, because he wanted to hide from the stabbing guilt he felt. He didn’t want you to see him that way.
“So you’re right,” your blank white lenses pierced his own, “I train because I want to feel strong, because I’ve felt weak my whole life. I train to feel as if I have control over my own body, my own movements. Hell, even the fact that I grew my hair long gave me a sense of control.”
“I’m sorry,” Jason finally managed to croak, “I didn’t mean to-”
“It’s fine,” you dismissed, “Plus, you did me a favour before. I kind of owe you one.”
“Favour?”
“You got rid of my dad for me,” you stood up, “Thanks.”
And for the first time, looking up at you as you were looking down, smiling at him, he didn’t see you as a kid.
“Sure thing, kid.”
***
Jason started dropping by once every two weeks. Sometimes he would even come around twice in a week.
He had warmed up to you after you told him your story, though he was kind of frustrated that Dick, Tim, and Bruce were all right, and he was the wrong one all along because he didn’t know you.
But then, you also started warming up to him.
And that became the major issue.
Since you donned the Robin uniform, your ego had spiked up. Your confidence and arrogance came with every progress you made. A year into Robin, Jason couldn’t see a semblance of that frightened little girl with the short hair, voice shaking as she tried to insult him.
No, now you were just so fucking annoying.
And for some reason, you started to be more aware of your sexuality as your confidence grew.
At the age of 16, you had started coming onto Jason strong.
“Jason,” you pouted at him, “Why don’t you come stay at the Manor anymore?”
“Because you’re there, kid,” he joked, staring at Gotham’s skyline from the rooftop where you, him, and Batman would occasionally stop to catch a breath.
“Jasooon,” you whined, high pitched and long, “I miss spending time with you.”
Jason raised an eyebrow, because you were touching his arm, squeezing his biceps. Not that you could see his face, given the helmet he wore. He kind of missed how you were back then. All you had were insults and swear words for him, and you definitely didn’t whine.
“Don’t you have Tim to annoy?”
“He’s always busy,” you huffed, “And when he’s not busy, he’s sleepy. Tim’s boring. You’re more fun, in an assholey cocknose dickweed kind of way.”
Ah, there it was, your colorful language. He had to admit, your creativity impressed him.
“Well, I can’t argue with that,” he chuckled.
“So why don’t you come over some time and we can have some fun?” you purred seductively.
Jason was taken aback.
He wasn’t sure whether you meant it innocently, or whether you had hidden motives. He glanced at Bruce who was minding his own business, ignoring the two of you.
He didn’t think you would flirt with him in front of Bruce, so he dismissed it and blamed himself for thinking lewd things.
“My idea of fun involves a bottle of whiskey and B-Grade horror movies, kid,” he patted you on the head, “And you’re too young to drink.”
“Hmph,” you slapped his hand away, “That’s not what I was talking about, but whatever.”
You strutted away.
It wasn’t that he didn’t find you attractive, it was that he shouldn’t find you attractive. What was a 16 year old doing flirting with someone his age? Weren’t you supposed to have crushes on the quarterbacks in your school?
Hell, even if you wanted someone who knew of your nighttime activities, there always were the Teen Titans, whom you regularly joined. That Aqualad wasn't a bad kid, but for some reason he didn't like the thought of you dating just yet.
But still, you had no business with someone like Jason. Age wise, or personality wise.
***
Two weeks later, he dropped by again for movie night.
When he walked into the living room, the only person who quirked up when they saw him was you, probably because the rest had already heard him coming.
“Jay!” you squealed, and ran to him, flinging your arms around his neck in a hug.
“Hey- oomph,” he slightly stumbled. It was the first time you hugged him.
And now that you were so close, he was hyper aware of you. You were wearing shorts and a tank top- with no bra. He could smell your vanilla lotion and your chocolate spice shampoo.
He could feel your strong arms, your heavy weight, your burning heat against him.
And for the first time, he actually got turned on by you.
Fuck, he thought. He shouldn’t be thinking of you like that. As if the age difference wasn’t vast already, you were still underaged.
He awkwardly patted you on the back, in an attempt to respond to the hug. He could make out Tim and Dick snickering at him at his obvious discomfort.
“You’ve gained weight,” he gruffed, trying to break the hug because he was dangerously close to popping a boner.
As expected, you let go of him.
“Yeah, I did!” you grinned happily, “I’ve gained about five pounds of muscle mass!”
You started flexing your toned biceps comically.
“Maybe you can gain five pounds of brain mass next time, kid,” he smirked and ruffled your hair.
“I’m pretty sure that’s a medical condition, you twatwaffle arsebadger,” you shot back at him.
“Jar,” a chorus of lazy mumbles from everyone else rose.
You grumbled and walked towards a coffee table, where a clear mason jar almost filled to the brim with folded notes sat. You shoved in five dollars.
Jason took off his jacket and sat next to Dick on the long sofa. You then hopped towards him and started snuggling next to him.
Jason looked at Dick in question.
Dick merely shrugged.
Jason had a hard time concentrating on the movie that night, because you leaning your head on his chest, and playing with the denim of his jeans absentmindedly.
He wasn’t used to it.
Human contact.
And he knew how you were. You were probably the same with Dick and Tim. You just chose him that night to snuggle up to.
But then you made a comment about how hot the guy in the movie was. Jason didn’t think much of it until you leaned up to press your mouth on his ear and whispered, “Not as hot as you, though.”
That made him jump out of his seat in panic.
Everyone else looked at him suspiciously, but you were just looking at him with a knowing smirk.
“Toilet,” he mumbled, and left.
“What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck,” he paced in small circles in a washroom down the hall.
He looked at his reflection only to see how red he was at his ears. He gripped the edges of the sink and took deep breaths, trying to play it cool.
Now, it was obvious that you were flirting with him. There was no denying it.
But why on God’s planet were you?
Jason groaned quietly to himself.
Whatever. He thought that you’d probably just drop it eventually.
***
Half a year later, and it didn’t.
And it got bad. Real bad.
Jason still kept visiting regularly, and every single time he did, he would get almost sexually harassed by you.
He was just sitting down in an armchair in the living room, reading a book, when you came along, and with the most arrogant, most entitled smirk, sat on his lap.
“Get off,” he grit, eyes never leaving his book. He was scared of what you were wearing this time.
“But you’re so warm,” you hummed, swinging up your legs across his lap, so that you were being cradled by him and the armchair.
“The fire’s right there,” he pointed to the fireplace, “If you need help, I can throw you in it.”
“I’d rather you throw me in bed,” you purred.
He snapped his book shut and squeezed the bridge of his nose.
“Just. Get. Off,” he growled.
It was dangerous. Your smell was intoxicating, and you were shifting and shuffling against his front. His mind started to wander, and he hadn’t even looked at you yet.
“But Jasooon,” you whined, “You’re nice and soft.”
He glared at you.
And regretted it.
You were wearing an almost see-through white loose t-shirt that exposed your shoulders. The thin fabric clung onto the curves of your breasts which were- thankfully- covered by a pink bra. You had a pair of satin booty shorts on which hardly covered your ass, which was sitting on top of his crotch.
“Actually, no let me take that back,” you pretended to wonder, “You’re pretty hard.”
And you gave him a wicked grin.
His eyes widen in panic and he stood up suddenly, causing you to fall flat on the floor.
“Fuck!” you cursed, “What's the big deal, jizzcock?”
He left the room and rushed to the toilet. He looked down, and found his penis was normal, flaccid, non-erect, unfilled.
That bitch fucking tricked me, he thought.
And he fell for it.
He went to look for Bruce who was in the cave, in front of the computers.
He took a wheeled chair and sat behind him.
“Bruce,” he started, “I need to talk to you.”
“What is it?” Bruce asked without sparing a glance at him.
That ticked him off a bit.
“It’s about your daughter.”
Jason saw Bruce pause, and then turned around to finally face him. “What about her?”
“She’s been flirting with me,” he grumbled.
Bruce raised an amused eyebrow.
“She’s sixteen, and she’s flirting with a twenty-five year old man!” he complained, “If she’s doing this to me, God knows who else she’s been doing this to!”
“And?” Bruce questioned.
“And? And?” Jason repeated, “And aren’t you worried?”
“She can take care of herself,” Bruce stated, “She’s mature. She won’t let herself be taken advantage of.
“Look, Bruce,” Jason squeezed his temples, “It’s great that you trust her and all that, but don’t you think it’s kind of fucked up? Christ, she’s sixteen!”
“And she’s well aware of that,” he said, “What would you have me do? Do you want me to talk to her?”
“Forget it,” he gave in, and left for his safehouse without saying goodbye to you.
Because that night he laid on his bed in the dark, guiltily thinking about your ass on his dick earlier. But thankfully unlike earlier, he had allowed his cock to fill up.
He knew he shouldn’t, but he thought of that time when you and him went jogging around the manor. You wore just a sports bra that showed off your cleavage, and sports shorts that rode up your ass. He couldn’t resist looking at the way your tits bounce with every step, and when you ran in front of him, his eyes darted down to check out your ass before he realised what he was doing and excused himself.
Excuse himself because he needed to stop looking, to stop thinking.
But now, he let his thoughts free.
He thought about how that one drop of sweat trickled down between the valleys of your breasts, how your muscular back glistened in the sun, how flushed your cheeks were.
He glanced down at his cock, which was already hard and leaking precum onto his stomach, twitching in need of attention.
“Don’t touch it, don’t touch it,” he muttered.
He couldn’t stop his mind from wandering, but he could try to resist from touching himself.
He owed you that at the very least.
He gulped loudly.
It really wasn’t fair. You didn’t look sixteen, or act sixteen. You were far mature even at a younger age.
But you were still sixteen.
And it wasn’t fair how you could tease him and get away with it.
“Fuck,” he groaned in frustration.
The way you swore sort of turned him on as well, oddly. He loved your use of language, and how dirty your mouth was.
How even dirtier your mouth would be if he shoved his cock in-
“No,” he whined, and he touched his cock.
He stroked it once, twice, three times, and then he came hard, long ribbons splashing onto his chest.
“I am a jizzcock,” he whispered to himself in shame, and then cleaned himself up.
***
Three months later, Jason had just come back from a mission in Mexico. Throughout his trip, he’d been bombarded with texts from you.
The topics spanned from the usual banter about training, Dick, and how you’ve been annoying Alfred with “ok, boomer” memes, to you sending him mirror selfies of yourself in fitting rooms trying out clothes that made Jason almost drool and you attempting to flirt with him.
Jason responded normally to the former, but sent short uninterested texts to the latter.
But when he came back to his safe house, he found his spare handgun on his bed- which was not where he last put it. On it, was a sticky note with a written message:
Try not to lick. R.
“What the fuck?” he muttered. R must have stood for Robin, and then suddenly Jason gulped, wondering what the fuck you had done to his gun.
He opened his phone to check his conversation with you, only to find that you had sent him a ten-minute length video.
His thumbs were shaking when he clicked play.
The video started with a closeup of your face in an awkward position, setting what Jason presumed to be your phone, on a surface with an angle you had in mind. Jason looked behind him and saw that his chair had been placed right in front of his bed, where you must have put the phone on.
“Fuck,” Jason realised. He did not like where this was going.
Or did he?
In the video, you then strolled to his bed, fingers touching his sheets. You were wearing nothing but a white flowy sundress that Jason thought made your skin look absolutely radiant. But instead of sitting on his bed, you had gone out of the frame, and then came back with the gun.
He swallowed hard.
You sat on the edge of the bed with a naughty glint in your eye. And then, you started to caress yourself sensually, squeezing your breasts as you made your way down to between your legs.
Jason realised he had started sweating and panting, getting aroused as his cock slowly started to fill out.
You spread your legs and dipped your hand beneath your dress, but Jason still couldn’t see anything because you had taken the fabric and hid what was going on under. He saw your mouth fall open and you let out a long, loud moan.
“Jason.”
Jason’s breath stuttered. His cock was aching in his jeans, begging to be touched.
Your hands were working underneath the fabric, teasing Jason with only an idea of what you were doing.
“I’m so wet, Jay,” you purred at the camera.
And then, your other hand went to take the gun.
You brought it up to your lips and flattened your tongue against the gun and licked all the way to the muzzle. Even in the low quality, he could see your saliva wetting his gun. Then, you gave him a wink and brought the gun to where your other hand was, between your legs.
Jason stopped the video then and squeezed his eyes shut, breathing hard through his nose at an attempt to calm himself down. Once he did have a semblance of control, which took almost five minutes of just trying to steady his breathing, he opened his eyes and dialled your number.
“Hey, Jay,” you picked up.
“What the fuck?!” he roared, “How the fuck did you get into my safehouse? Hell, how did you even know where it was?!”
“Oh, Jason, please,” he could hear you roll yours eyes, “You’re overreacting.”
“Over-?” he growled, “Overreacting?! You came into my house and then started to- started to-”
“Fuck myself with your gun?” you giggled.
His dick twitched.
“You need to stop this, kid,” he tried to bring his rage in, “Stop it, before you regret it.”
“Or what?” you teased, “What would you do to me, Jason? Spank me?”
He couldn’t. Jason just couldn’t with you. So he ended the call and threw his phone across the room.
He sat down at the edge of the bed and buried his face in his palms. His cock was still aching, and he was dying to touch it.
He glanced at the gun next to him.
“Fuck,” he groaned, and then unbuttoned his jeans, letting out a hiss of relief when he could finally take it out.
He started to furiously stroke his cock, just staring at the gun laying there. He wanted to smell it. He wanted to lick it. He wanted to see if he could still taste you on the metal.
“God fucking dammit,” he cursed, and then he came in pulses.
***
“What’s up, fucktrumpet?” you poked.
Jason let out a long and heavy breath from his nose, the sound becoming static as it went through the voice scrambler of his helmet.
It was a week later, and Jason had joined patrol with you, Bruce and Tim.
“Fuck off, kid,” he walked away from you, pretending to be looking out for something from the ledge of the roof.
“Oh, come on,” you whined, coming closer to him anyway. “You enjoyed it.”
“Tim,” Jason turned away to approach the younger man, “How’s things?”
“Don’t ignore me!” you ran after him.
“Leave me out of whatever this is,” Tim sighed. “I’m not in the mood.”
“Pfft, you’re always in the mood for me, Timbers,” Jason nudged his side with his elbow.
“No, she’s always in the mood for you,” he pointed to you, “For some reason.”
“Well, I’m not in the mood for her,” he grit.
“Meanie,” you pouted, “All I’ve ever been is nice to you, Jay. And what do you do? Act like an absolute thundercunt.”
He wanted to laugh at that, but he couldn’t. He had to keep up his appearances.
“Listen here, you brat,” Jason finally turned to you and poked your shoulder hard with his finger, making you wince. “You stay the fuck away from me.”
“Hey, Jay,” Tim suddenly interrupted, “You don’t need to do that, man.”
“This little bitch broke into my house and started defiling my things, Tim,” he growled, “Yes, I need to do that.”
“Defiling your things?” Tim repeated.
You let out a soft giggle.
“Forget it,” Jason threw his hands up in the air. “I’ll patrol alone.”
Jason saw the slight disappointment in your eyes when he left which made him feel a little guilty, but he ignored it.
Whatever, you were basically just asking for it.
***
Another half a year went by, and Jason found himself at the Manor for Dick’s barbecue and pool party. He was already dreading it, because he knew you would be up to no fucking good, especially when you had the excuse to wear a bikini in front of him.
He had contemplated about not going, but Roy was going to be there, and Roy was making him go.
The first person Jason looked out for was you, because he had to be on his guard. He was standing at the glass sliding door of the manor that opened to the pool to survey the crowd. He spotted you in the pool, laughing at who he assumed was Aqualad- Jason didn't bother to learn his name- wearing a dark red bikini top that fixated behind your neck.
“Jaybird! You made it!” Roy’s voice boomed all the way from the other side of the pool and came running to where Jason was standing awkwardly.
He knew many of Dick's friends, but he was never particularly close to any of them besides Roy and Kori. Now that Kori was gone, Roy was all he had left.
“Don't call me that,” he grumbled back.
“Aw, come on,” Roy groaned, “You came to a pool party in a t-shirt and jeans? Seriously?”
“I wasn't planning on swimming,” he shrugged.
Roy was sporting a horrible bright yellow swimming shorts with green palm leaves.
“Well, I was, so I’ll catch up with you later, okay?”
“Yeah,” Jason nodded and decided to head to the pool chairs and put on his sunglasses. He even brought a book to bury his nose into to avoid social interaction.
He heard a splash of water and from the corner of his eye, saw you coming towards him.
“Don’t even,” he snapped at you before you could get a word out.
“I wasn't even going to do anything, fucking dipshit,” you shot back.
Jason forced his eyes back to his book to avoid getting caught looking at how the water trickled down your glistening skin that looked oh so soft-
“What do you want then?” he huffed, turning a page.
“Well,” you began, taking a seat on the pool chair where Jason's feet were, “I was going to ask you about Roy.”
Jason glared at you, peeking from the top of his book.
“What about Roy?”
“You guys are close, right?” you hummed.
“I guess so.”
“Like, best friends?”
“What are we, twelve?” he scoffed, “Why are you asking me so many questions?”
“Well, since you're close to Roy,” you started, “I was wondering if you knew his type.”
“His type?”
“Yeah, like what kind of girls does he like?” you grinned.
“Ones who aren't underaged,” Jason growled.
“Jason I'm already seventeen,” you reminded, “Which is the legal age of consent in Gotham.”
“It doesn't matter,” he grumbled, “He's older than me, which makes him way too old for you. Forget it.”
You pouted, and then stood up. He had to redirect his gaze back to his book.
“It’s like you don't even know me, Jaybird,” you snickered, and with a flip of your wet hair which splashed droplets of water onto him, you strutted away.
He was gritting his jaw so hard he could feel his teeth ache.
Fuck, why can't you just stop?
“I need a fucking drink,” he muttered to himself and left for the kitchen where he rummaged through the refrigerator to find a stout.
He popped open the bottle cap on the marble edge of the kitchen island.
“Alfred would kill you if he saw you do that,” a voice laughed.
Jason rolled his eyes at Dick, who was sipping on a can of beer behind him. “I’ve gotten in trouble for worse.”
“God, I forget how similar you guys are,” he leaned against the counter.
“Who?”
“You know who. Her,” he pointed out.
“We’re not the same,” he denied, heading back outside.
“No, she deals with her issues better than you did,” Dick followed him, “As a matter of fact, you're still dealing.”
“Get to the point, Grayson,” he snapped.
“The point is, she’s not a kid, Jason,” Dick told him, “Why don't you give her a chance?”
Jason stopped in his tracks, standing still before exiting through the glass door. It was quieter inside the manor.
“A chance for what?” he grit.
“To prove herself to you,” Dick explained, “I've noticed how you treat her, Jay. Tim as well. It's like you're trying to push her away. Why? You don't think she's good enough?”
“Holy shit,” Jason started laughing humourlessly, “You think this is about me simply not liking her? You guys think I'm just being angsty?”
“Isn't it?” Dick cocked his head to the side.
“She's been fucking flirting with me, Grayson,” Jason said.
“Okay, I get that, but she sort of flirts with everyone,” he shrugged.
“She comes and sit on my lap, whispers stupid shit in my ear, sends me pictures of herself trying on revealing clothes, makes vulgar motions with her hands, fucking tries to seduce me,” he listed down, “Don't tell me she does that with everyone.”
“Okay, maybe not,” the older man frowned.
“Let me tell you, then,” Jason walked closer to Dick, “She broke into my fucking house, sat on my fucking bed, and started recording herself on her phone, and then sent the video to me.”
“Wait, what?” Dick sputtered, “Recording herself doing what?”
“You fucking know what,” he stated.
“Oh, Jesus,” Dick ran a finger through his hair, “Wow, she's ballsy.”
“That's your reaction?” Jason scoffed, “She's ballsy?”
“I mean-”
“She's sexually harassing me, Grayson!” he argued.
“But,” Dick began, “What did you really think about it? I mean, really?”
“What do you mean?” he hissed.
“Did you watch it?” Dick persisted. “The video?”
“What- I- no, I just-” Jason spluttered, caught off guard.
“You can't lie to me, Jason,” Dick gave him a mischievous smile, “You like her, too. That's why you're pushing her away. Because you don't think you're good enough for her.”
Fuck Dick and his fucking superior detective skills.
“She's too young for me,” Jason simply stated.
“Well, apparently not too young for Roy,” Dick smirked.
“What-” Jason turned around and looked outside.
You were in the pool, standing in the corner. You had a hand on Roy’s chest, looking up at him and laughing. He had a hand on your waist, and was whispering something into your ear.
Jason went into a fit of rage when he saw Roy touching you.
“Mother fucker,” Jason swore, and without thinking, went straight to where you were. He stood there at the edge of the pool, arms crossed, and looking down at the two of you who were both unaware of his presence.
“Roy,” Jason growled.
Roy jumped and looked at Jason in panic, and as if you electrocuted him, immediately jumped away from your touch.
“H-hey, Jaybird,” he awkwardly laughed, “I was just- I was- uh- I was telling her about what a great friend you were.”
“Oh, really?” he raised an eyebrow.
“Yeah!” he nodded vigorously, “Jason here is super good with his aim as well. Could even rival mine.”
Jason ignored Roy, and glared at you, who was looking up at him with obviously fake innocent eyes.
“Out,” he commanded.
“What?”
“I said out,” he repeated. “Out of the pool. I need to talk to you.”
“Oh, come on, Jason,” you started to whine, but then stopped when you saw his expression.
You climbed out of the pool, and again, Jason had to avert his eyes. Without sparing a glance at you, he gripped you by the arm and pulled you to go inside.
“Ow! Jason, let go, fucking cocksucker!” you cried.
He snatched a towel from Tim’s grip as he walked, ignoring Tim’s protests and stares from others, and then threw it on top of your head.
“Ugh- Jason!” you complained. He continued to lead you inside the manor, up the stairs, and to his old room.
He slammed the door shut behind him.
“What's the big deal, you shitpouch?! Who do you fucking think you are? Fucking cumwipe, pisswizard, cuntpuddle...”
That wasn't the end of your swearing. You went on for another good minute of words that could make Batman blush, before stopping.
You were fuming. Your face red, your expression twisted into a scowl, water dripping all over the wooden floors, the fluffy towel around your neck that you hadn't used.
God, you were so hot when you were angry.
“You done?” he deadpanned. He sensed that you were going to go into another stream of name calling, so he cut you off.
“I told you to forget Roy,” he grit.
“And since when have I ever done what you told me to do?” you shot at him
You had a point.
“Look, kid-”
“I'm not a fucking kid, Jason!” you yelled at him for the first time, “I haven't been a kid since my dad- since I was twelve!”
Jason suddenly felt pain in his chest.
“I know you've been through shit,” Jason acknowledged, “What happened with your dad and your brother- I’m fucking glad I killed them. And even if I hadn’t back then, I would have broken every single rule and hunt them down and make them suffer before ending their lives after finding out what they did to you. Hell, before you told me that they were dead, I was already ready to turn every single rock to find them.”
Your expression softened at that.
“And I know you had to grow up fast,” he continued, “All of us who lived there did. But you're out of that now. You don't have to fucking try so hard to act older than you are anymore.”
Your eyes shone with anger once more.
“That's the thing you never got, Jason,” you spat, “I'm not trying. I never did. This is who I am.”
You were looking at him with such fierce intensity that Jason almost forgot how to breathe.
Because you were right. He had gone through the same process where he was made to grow up fast, where he couldn’t afford to act like a kid.
He looked at you, trying not to show much emotion on his face.
Somehow in the heat of the argument and you yelling cusses at him, the two of you had gotten closer to each other, and Jason could even see the tears brimming in your eyes that were threatening to spill.
He immediately felt like a piece of shit, like every word you called him. He never wanted to hurt you.
“Whatever,” Jason huffed, looking away to avoid your glare, “Just stay away from Roy.”
“Why, you two dating or something?” you smirked.
He simply glared at you. You obviously had recovered from your anger and was now back to your usual snarky self.
“Or,” you began, “You were jealous.”
“Don't be ridiculous,” Jason objected, “Why would I be jealous?”
“Because,” you drawled, walking closer to him, “You like me.”
Jason had backed up each time you walked to him, and before he knew it his back was hitting the door.
Fuck, he hated how much you affected him. You had him backed up against the fucking door, for fuck’s sake.
To get a semblance of power back, he stared at you straight in the eye, unblinking, and leaned closer to you.
“You wish,” he said coldly.
He noticed that your breath stuttered, and a blush creeped up your cheeks.
Then, he leaned back and smirked.
“Oh, no you don't,” you shook your head, “You think you can win this game, Todd?”
“Unlike you, I'm not playing a game.”
“But yes you are, Jay,” you placed your palms flat on his chest, “You’ve been playing hard to get with me.”
“Playing hard to get is only used when the other person actually wants you,” he scoffed.
He didn't know why, but he was sweating. His respiratory rate had gone up, and shit.
Shit.
He could feel his dick getting filled up.
Maybe it was how close you were to him, maybe it was the fact that you were half naked in front of him with all the privacy he could have asked for.
Maybe it was the fact that it was you who had him in a corner instead of the other way round.
“I'm not a fucking idiot, Jay. Batman trained me, too. I've seen how you look at me and I’ve seen how you tried not to.”
Fuck.
“Your pupils dilate, your breathing gets faster, you start to sweat,” you went on, “And then suddenly you excuse yourself. You run away.”
Your hands went up to his shoulders, and your body was now against his, getting his clothes wet. He could smell the chlorine on you when you leaned into his ear and whispered.
“You fucking coward,” you breathed.
Jason's breath hitched and he had to squeeze his eyes shut. He pressed his palms against the door behind him to restrain himself from touching you, grabbing you, squeezing you, slapping you.
Jason knew he was fully hard now, because it was getting painful.
Suddenly, the pressure and heat of your body against his own disappeared. He opened his eyes.
But sucked in a breath when he saw that you were on your knees in front of him, eye level to his crotch, the tent in his pants mere inches away from your lips.
“What the fuck are you- mmpf,” he threw his head back, hitting the door.
You had gripped his shaft hard, sending a pulse of pleasure through his body.
No. Jason had to stop this. He couldn't go through with this. He shouldn't.
“You want me to suck your cock, Jay?” You purred.
Jason swallowed hard, just trying his best to restrain himself.
He remained silent for a beat. And then-
“Do whatever you want,” he managed to choke out.
You showed him a winning grin, and then unbuckled his belt and unzipped his pants, pulling down his jeans.
You started to mouth his length through the fabric of his boxers, getting it translucent with your spit. He had never been so horny in his entire life.
As much as Jason’s head was screaming at him, telling him to stop you, telling him how inappropriate it was, he didn’t have the strength to voice it out.
He wanted to tell you to stop teasing him, to hurry up and put your mouth around his cock already, but again, it was like he had lost his voice.
He was utterly conflicted, so he opt to just stay silent.
You hooked your fingers in the waistband of his briefs and then pulled it down, revealing his cock to you. He hissed slightly at the relief.
Jason wanted to remember your expression the minute you saw his cock forever, he wanted to burn it in his brain and immortalize it. Your eyes had gone rounder, your mouth popped open with a gasp, and your excitement grew.
“It’s everything that I’ve dreamed about and more,” you fluttered your eyes dramatically before gripping his shaft and licking one long, steady stripe from the base to his tip.
Jason bit his lip to muffle his groan.
You licked him again, and again, and then started to swirl your tongue around the head of his cock, tracing your tongue around the sulcus underneath his head.
Fuck, you were so fucking good at teasing him, and making him squirm.
He looked down at you, and you were looking up through your long lashes, eyes almost innocent. And then, you took him in his mouth, going all the way down.
“Fuck,” Jason gasped.
You immediately built a rhythm, the most perfect rhythm that he liked. It was suspicious how you knew his preference, and at the back of his head he made a mental reminder to check his room for hidden cameras.
You provided him with the right amount of tongue, the right amount of suction, the right amount of teeth gently grazing him from time to time that he swore could have drove him insane.
Your mouth was soft, and warm, and wet, and before he knew it, he was ready to fucking explode.
As if you were familiar with his expressions, you picked up the pace and started sucking even harder each time you bobbed your head. Jason felt his balls tighten, the heat spreading to his toes and making them tingle.
“Fuck- I’m gonna- I’m gonna-” he rasped.
And then he released with sudden explosion into your mouth, going through a sensory overdrive because as he was releasing, he could still feel you sucking him dry and swallowing.
When he was done, you released his cock with a pop and a grin.
Jason had to catch his breath for a while, because it was the best head he had ever received in his entire life, and he had managed to keep his hands off you the entire time.
“You made me jealous on purpose,” he panted.
“Duh,” you stood up after politely zipping him back up, putting your hands on your waist so fucking proudly, like a power stance.
“Where the hell did you learn how to suck cock that good?” he interrogated.
“You’ve lived in Titans Tower before,” you winked, “You should know.”
He didn’t like that. He didn’t like that statement and implication one bit.
“This can’t,” he started, “We can’t-”
“This can’t happen again?” you finished for him, rolling your eyes. “Typical. Just get over yourself already, Jason. It gets tiring.”
“I’m no good for you,” he avoided your eyes.
“You say that right after coming into my mouth,” you scoffed, “Sure.”
He clenched his jaw. You were right. He was trash for doing that to you, defiling you like that.
Jason must have let his emotions leak, because you suddenly added, “What I meant was, we’ve already crossed that line. We don’t have to go back to how it was before. I like you, Jason. And I know you like me, too.”
“That doesn’t matter,” he muttered, “This was a mistake. We can’t do this again. I’m sorry. Just stay away from me.”
He left.
***
He had avoided you for a long time after that.
Months went by, and he ignored your texts and your calls. Even the knockings outside his door. He had made sure to upgrade his security, with both Tim and Roy’s help so you couldn’t break in again.
When he went on patrols with everyone else, he made sure you couldn’t catch him alone, so he arrived at the very latest, and left at the very soonest, never exchanging more than a few words with you.
And every time, it killed him. He saw the hurt flash in your eyes every time he left quickly, he noticed that you had texted him less and less as the months went on, and eventually came to a complete stop.
You had even stopped calling him those weird, creative swear names that he loved so much.
Jason finally won. He had managed to get you to give up on him.
But hell did it make him feel like absolute shit.
Eight months had passed by, and he was getting ready for the event he had absolutely been dreading. It was your 18th birthday party that Bruce had used as an excuse to host a charity gala at the manor.
Jason thought it was a dick move for him to take advantage of your birthday for the sake of his own gain, but apparently you had been more than supportive over it, understanding Bruce’s position as one of Gotham’s elite.
He didn’t want to go. He couldn’t bear to face you again where you could pull him somewhere private to talk to him. But Dick and Tim had convinced him.
It was your birthday after all.
When he arrived, everyone was staring at him.
Well, he was wearing just a leather jacket over a black shirt and a pair of dark denim jeans after all.
“You couldn’t have dressed for the occasion, Jason?” he heard Tim approach him from behind.
Tim was sporting a suit, just like everyone else.
“Couldn’t be bothered,” he shrugged, “What’s the agenda?”
“Mingling, dinner, speeches, more mingling,” Tim listed down, “Typical charity ball. The others are at the tents. We should get going.”
“I’m the dead son, remember?” he pointed out, “I don’t need to sit with you guys.”
“We’ll introduce you as Dick’s boyfriend or something, come on,” Tim gestured.
“Oh, the media would love that,” Jason muttered under his breath and went along.
The banquet area was set outside in the backyard of the Manor, where tents with clear plastic canopies were propped up, decorated with fairy lights. Since it was spring, the weather was cool enough for suits and warm enough for strapless dresses.
The main tent had a stage where a band was playing classical music- typical tunes you would hear at any other fucking gala.
Each table seated ten, and Tim had brought Jason to a table closest to the stage where he saw Dick, Bruce, and you were already seated with four others. He recognized the Mayor, the Commissioner, Lucius Fox, and a middle aged woman with greying hair he didn’t recognize with who Jason presumed was her husband.
Jason avoided looking at you, but he knew that you were staring right at him. Tim took a seat, and Jason cursed softly when he realised that the only other seat available was in between you and Dick.
Looking straight ahead, he calmly sat down. From the corner of his eye and from a portion of what he could make out, he saw that you were wearing a midnight blue dress, and a silver bracelet around your wrist which you rested on the table.
Bruce had started to converse with the guests, and Dick and Tim were having a banter amongst themselves.
“Hey,” he heard your voice.
“Happy birthday,” he mumbled.
“Thanks,” you replied.
And that was that. The two of you remained silent, with Jason occasionally checking his phone and still avoiding looking at you.
“It’s time for our speech,” Jason heard Bruce whisper to you.
He heard you get up and shuffled to the stage. He was hardly paying attention during Bruce’s welcome speech.
“...and then, the woman of the hour, my lovely daughter,” Bruce introduced you. The audience broke out in applause. Jason still hadn’t turned your way.
“Hello, everyone,” he heard your uncharacteristically nervous and shy voice over the sound system. He took a sip of wine. “T-thank coming for you all- uh- I mean-”
The audience laughed, but not in mockery. Jason couldn’t help but look at you now.
He accidentally inhaled his wine, and ended up trying to cover his coughing fits.
Up on stage, where the spotlight was on you, he had noticed your midnight blue dress had small sparkling stars on them, making you seem like you were wearing the clear night sky. Your hair was done in a simple graceful updo, which exposed your neck that he noticed was flushed, a blush creeping up to your cheeks at your own embarrassment.
Your eyes were wide in panic, and you kept on playing with your thumbs subconsciously.
His breath stuttered, because he thought you were the most beautiful creature he had ever laid his eyes on.
You were usually so snarky, so full of confidence, and wit with a mouth that could make a sailor blush- but there you were spluttering all over the microphone, a blushing mess. And hell, did that make Jason’s chest tighten in yearning for you.
“I’m sorry, I’m not used to crowds like my father is,” you tried to laugh it off, “Here, let’s try again.”
Despite your fumbles, you had a certain charm on stage that made everyone just like you.
“Thank you all for coming to my eighteenth birthday party,” you started, “I must admit, at first I wanted my party to be small and intimate. But I realised that this celebration could be used for something good instead.”
Another round of claps.
“I come from a very… humbling area in Gotham. I’m sure we’re all familiar with Crime Alley,” you stated, confidence growing as you got used to being on stage, “It was hard, living as a child in the streets. But I got lucky. Bruce Wayne found me.”
“Being the daughter of Bruce Wayne has taught me a lot about understanding and acknowledging my own privilege and using it to help others. Growing up there, myself and many other children were faced with the harsh reality of poverty and abandonment. Therefore, I would like to announce that I have started a foundation called Wayne’s Foundation for Children of Hope, where all proceeds will go to the development of Crime Alley.”
You paused and smiled at the flashing cameras of the media and waited for the applause to die down.
“Our first initiative is to build a home for lost children aged eighteen and under, to provide shelter, basic healthcare, food, and education. The primary goal of these shelters is to help kids find a place where they belong, and to help set them back on the right track. These kids also have the option to maintain anonymity for cases that involve abusive environments.”
Jason was looking at you in awe. You were standing proudly at the podium, graceful in your posture, a fierce intensity in your eyes- all previous nervousness completely gone.
Next to him, Dick leaned in and whispered, “It was all her idea, you know. Every single plan for this foundation, even the future plans she hadn’t mentioned. All hers.”
Jason remained silent and watched as you continued your speech.
“But the truth is,” you smiled sadly, “It’s still not enough. The situation in a lot of areas in Gotham is painfully swept under the rug. But hopefully with this, people like us can make things a little better for them. If you’d like to donate to the foundation, it would mean a lot to me, and to the other kids who had to grow up too fast.”
You made eye contact with Jason at that last statement, causing his heart to suddenly drum faster.
The crowd broke in a loud applause and you thanked them graciously, waving as you stepped down from the podium to take your seat.
This time, Jason didn’t take his eyes off you.
“That was great!” Tim gave you a thumbs up, “You did great!”
“Well done,” Dick grinned.
Jason took your hand and gave it a little squeeze, just smiling at you in silence. You looked at him with obvious shock, and then grinned back.
“Beautiful, Ms. Wayne,” the Mayor sitting across from you beamed, “You’ve taken after your father’s charms.”
“Thank you, Mr. Mayor,” you nodded, “But I’d like to think that my charms are my own.”
Jason had to bite back a laugh when he saw the man turn red.
He was somehow more relaxed now, even sparing occasional glances at you as you conversed with others. The dance floor was now open, and the guests had left their seats to mingle with others. The MC also announced that the bar was open.
“That’s my cue,” Jason winked at you, and then went straight to the bar to get himself something strong. From there, he just leaned back and watched how the disgustingly rich people made themselves feel better about themselves by donating the occasional couple of million dollars. Soon enough, he got sick of the pearls and diamond earrings, the solid gold watches.
He checked his own battered and scratched Swiss Army watch he had lifted from a drug lord many years ago. He should be going back soon. It wasn’t like he was needed there anyway. He had already wished you and made peace.
“What do you think?” he heard your voice approach him.
He turned and saw you come up next to him.
“Too fancy for my taste,” he started, “Looks like it took you a whole hour just to get into the damn thing. And those shoes? Looks like the crowbar was less painful than walking around in that.”
It took you a couple of seconds before realising that he was talking about your outfit.
“I meant the foundation, you fucknugget,” you hissed.
“Be careful there, sweetheart,” he raised an eyebrow, “Don’t want these people hearing you speak like that. You’ll lose your charm.”
“I don’t know how Bruce does it,” you shook your head, “It’s so exhausting.”
Jason hummed back at you as a comfortable silence fell. The two of you leaning back against the bar and just watching the crowd.
“I think it’s a great idea,” he finally said.
“Thanks,” you pursed your lips, “I kept on thinking of you, you know? When we were coming up with the plans. Was wondering what you would think of it.”
“You’re making it sound like I’m the only one from there.”
“Well, you’re the only one who would understand,” you explained, “The others, of course they empathized. But they wouldn’t understand. Not like how you and I do.”
And Jason realised that it was that factor that probably drew you close to him when you first came to them, the fact that Jason understood at more than just a superficial level how shit your life was before coming to the manor. It was a painful past that only the two of you shared, and only the two of you could talk about.
Silence fell again.
“I’m sorry,” you suddenly brought up.
“For what?” he frowned.
“For making you uncomfortable for so long,” you whispered, “I don’t know why I did it. I guess I liked your reactions. And I guess I just wanted your attention. And during that pool party- I- I thought-”
Jason waited for you to finish your sentence.
“Nevermind,” you looked away, “Forget it. I just wanted to say sorry. I crossed the line. After you stopped talking to me, I just. I don’t want that. So I’ll stop, okay? You don’t have to avoid me anymore.”
He turned around to face you.
“I stopped talking to you not because I was mad at you,” he told you, “I stopped talking to you because I was mad at myself.”
You faced him with curious eyes.
“I thought- well- fuck,” it was Jason’s turn to splutter. He took a deep breath and started again. “I thought that it was a real shit move for me to do what I did to you.”
“Wait, what?” you questioned, “What you did to me?”
“Yeah,” he grumbled, “You know. That.”
“Jason, I was the one who practically jumped you,” you scoffed, “I basically forced it on you. Why are you blaming yourself?”
“Force me? Pfftsh, you couldn’t force me to do anything.”
“Jason.”
“I liked it, okay?” he threw his arms up, “I didn’t stop you because I liked it, and I shouldn’t have liked it. I was taking advantage of you. It was wrong of me to do so.”
“God, you’re so fucking stupid,” you laughed, “I’ve been pining over you since Bruce told me you were… You know who.”
You lowered your voice.
“Want to talk inside?” he offered.
“Good idea,” you agreed.
The two of you made your way past the garden and into the manor.
“Is it okay for the birthday girl to disappear from her own party?” he smirked when he closed the door to Bruce’s study, which was the nearest room that offered privacy.
“Oh, please,” you waved your hand and sat on Bruce’s desk, “The whole party was never about me. I’m just another excuse for those cuntflaps to show off their new diamonds.”
He chuckled. “Anyway, you were saying? Something about Bruce telling me I was Red Hood?”
“Yeah,” you bit your lip in nervousness, “I’ve had a crush on you since then.”
“Really?”
Jason knew that you obviously had a crush on him, especially because of the neverending teasing and seductions, but he didn’t know it stemmed from that long ago.
“Yeah,” you nodded, “I remember thinking to myself, like wow. This is the guy who killed them. And you know what? You looked exactly like how I thought you would.”
“What? How so?”
“Huge,” you started, “Scars everywhere. Grouchy as hell.”
“I’m not as grouchy as Bruce,” he defended himself.
“Still,” you chuckled, “You looked exactly like how I imagined my hero to look.”
“Super hot, sexy, and good looking?” he joked.
He had expected you to roll your eyes and throw an insult at him, but you just tightened your lips and looked away.
“Look, k- sweetheart,” he stopped himself from calling you a kid. From what he saw on the stage earlier, you were already so much better than he was. “I’m going to be honest, alright? And you better damn well appreciate it, because I’m never honest.”
You giggled softly. He walked to stand in front of you at the desk.
“I think you’re great,” he stated, “And I think you’re beautiful, and sexy. And…”
He hesitated, thinking of whether or not to continue.
Fuck it. He might as well.
“And I like you,” he forced out, “More than you know. Fuck, I like you. I like you so much it fucking hurts sometimes.”
You looked up at him with hopeful, glistening eyes.
“But I’m no good for you,” he repeated what he said all those months ago, “I can never do what you just did. Start a fucking charity on your birthday and announce it to the world as if it was nothing. Fuck, I don’t think I should even be seen walking around next to you when you look like that. I’m a fucking mess, sweetie. You don’t want that.”
He saw as you digest what he had just said. Then, you looked up at him and asked, “What do you think I want?”
“What do I think?” he repeated.
You nodded.
“I think you should be with someone who’s closer to your age, for one,” he rolled his eyes, “And someone who doesn’t have scars all over their face. Someone who isn’t grouchy. Someone charming who can stand next to you on stage wearing a proper suit and tie.”
“You’re right,” you nodded, “I should be with someone like that.”
Jason felt a pang in his chest at your agreement.
“But I don’t want to be with someone like that,” you continued, “I want to be with someone who was ready to hunt down and hurt the people who terrorized me for years. I want to be with someone whose face is littered with scars as proof that they went through just as much shit as I did and survived.”
You hopped from the desk and stood up straight, stretching your hand up to cup Jason’s face. He leaned into the warmth of your caress, his breath hitching at the close contact. His hands automatically went to rest on your waist, still respectfully high.
“I want you, Jason,” you whispered, pulling him down to your lips, “I want someone who can handle my bites.”
To demonstrate, you sucked in his lower lip, eliciting a low moan from him.
And then you bit down hard.
He gasped at the stinging pain, and then sighed when you massaged his lip with yours. Heat suddenly spread throughout his body, particularly at his member which was growing hard fast. He could smell the wine on your breath that you must have snuck a few sips from, the vanilla lotion you always wore, and a new particularly enticing perfume that you must have gotten for the occasion.
“I want someone who can call me a little bitch straight to my face,” Jason felt you grin against his lips.
The two of you were kissing now, harsh and forceful, as if deprived of touch. Fuck, he loved how you were nipping at his lips and his tongue, tugging his hair lightly.
Both of you gasped for air, and just stood there foreheads against each other, his erection pressed against your stomach, your hands around his neck.
“I want someone who is resourceful enough to enhance his home security to make sure I don’t break in and fuck myself with his weapons again,” you chuckled.
“Was it…” he started, “Was it loaded?”
“You bet it was,” you smiled.
“Fuck,” he swore and then crashed his lips against yours again. He lifted you up to sit on the desk, and then stood in between your open thighs. At the slightly elevated level, he could properly grind his erection against your pussy, still covered by your dress.
“You liked that?” you giggled, “I thought you weren’t into that. I got a bit worried.”
“Hell yeah, I liked that,” he rasped, “What kind of sane man wouldn’t?”
He started to nibble on the skin on your neck, sucking and biting and licking
“I’m pretty sure not everyone is into the thought of fucking a loaded gun into a pussy,” you laughed, “Which proves my point. You and me? We’re perfect, Jay- fuck, don’t leave any marks, dumbass.”
“Point taken, baby.”
“Mmm, call me that again,” you moaned.
He stopped nibbling on your neck, brought his eyes to yours, and with a defiant smirk, he said, “No.”
It was like Jason saw the switch in you flick on, because you suddenly pushed him away aggressively. He stumbled, not expecting it.
“Oh, you think you’re in control, Todd?” you purred, twisting your fists in his leather jacket. You were shorter than him, and your frame much smaller. But Jason just loved the authority that radiated from you.
“You think you’re the one who has power over me?” you drawled, pulling him to the side where Bruce had set up a leather sofa and a coffee table.
“When all this while, I’m the one who had you wrapped around my finger?” you snarled, and then pushed him down on the sofa.
Before Jason could even register what was happening, you were already on top of him, straddling him. He looked up at you, the pressure of your weight on his crotch making him pant with want.
“So are you going to call me baby again?” you asked sweetly, tugging at his jacket to remove it.
“Maybe in due time,” he gasped when you bit the flesh that connected his neck and shoulder hard.
Fuck, he was throbbing in his pants.
You took off his shirt and ran your hand down his body. Jason smirked when he saw you bite your lip as you took in his figure.
He still had a bit of fight left in him, and he wasn’t going to beg.
Yet.
“Why must you be so stubborn, Todd?” you breathed, teeth catching at his earlobe and biting. You were rocking your hips against his erection, and he swore that if you didn’t take it out, he was going to rip a hole in his pants with it.
“H-hey, you’ve always been the pushy one,” he stuttered.
“That’s because I like to get what I want,” you pinched his nipples hard.
“Fuck!” he yelped at the sudden pain, and then glared at you as you just grinned cheekily. “I don’t know why I never took you for a sadist before this.”
“Because you’re an idiot, Jay,” you teased, “All I did was torture you.”
“Yes, you did,” he rested his hands on your hips, motioning for you to grind on him harder, “You made me so fucking hard on purpose, and then I had to go back and jerk off to you, which made it worse because I felt so fucking guilty after.”
“That was your own fault,” you frowned. You were finally, finally unbuckling his belt. “You saw me as a kid when I wasn’t.”
“You were still underaged, you brat,” he laughed, “It didn’t matter if you were wise beyond your years- ah, fuck yeah.”
You had finally unzipped him, releasing him from the constraints of his denim.
“Take everything off for me, Jay,” you demanded, sitting up on your knees to give him room to do so.
He listened to you happily, glad to be rid of his clothes. His cock slapped against his lower abdomen, already leaking so much precum.
“Why am I the only one naked?” he voiced out his displeasure.
“Because it took me twenty minutes to get into this dress, and I’m not undressing for anyone before the night is over,” you announced.
“But, baby,” he pouted, rejoicing at how he made your breath hitch, and rested his chin between your breasts, “I want to see your tits.”
You frowned and bit your lip as you looked down at him, considering his plea. He made a mental reminder that you must like dirty talk.
“Then make sure you don’t go home so early tonight,” you managed to choke out.
Jason thought that you also must have liked to be the submissive one, as well.
You leaned into him and kissed him again, this time less rough. He moaned into your mouth, slipping his tongue in as he grabbed your hips and tried to rub his cock against your pussy, underneath your dress. He gasped when he felt that you were already bare, and leaking.
“What happened to your- your panties?” he rasped.
“Long gone,” you winked.
“Fuck, you fucking nymph,” he chuckled, and then groaned when you started to slide the head of his cock between your wet lips.
“Jason, I’ve wanted your cock so bad,” you muttered into his ear as you rubbed your slick all over his length, “You’ve no idea how many times I’ve fucked myself with- with whatever I could find, pretending it was you.”
“Fuck, baby,” he whined, throwing his head back against the couch. Your dirty mouth was doing so many things to him, he was worried that he was going to come right there and then.
“After that time I sucked you off?” you continued, “All I wanted was to choke on it, Jay. I just want your dick in my throat.”
You lifted your hips and sank down onto him. Both of you groaned lowly in pleasure. Fuck, you were so tight, and warm, and wet, and oh so soft.
“Ah! Jason!” you cried out when he bottomed out, “Fuck, I’m going to feel you for fucking days.”
“Shit, baby,” he choked, “Baby, please. Please, move.”
“You want me to move?” you teased.
“Yes,” he whispered.
“How would you like me to move, Jay?” you smiled.
“Any- I don’t care-”
“Nice, and slow like this?” you lifted your hips up, and Jason could feel the torturously slow drag of your walls against his shaft, even as you sanked back down you were slow.
“Hnng- fuck-” Jason mewled, lost for words. “Please.”
It was all he could say.
“Or hard and fast like this?” you slammed your hips down, and started bouncing on his cock at a brutal pace that knocked his breath out.
“Fuck!” he yelled, “Fuck, baby, fuck!”
You weren’t being any softer as well. Through tear-filled hazy eyes, Jason saw your eyes fluttered close in pleasure, your mouth falling open as you cried out wanton moans, and gasped, and groaned for him.
“Jason! Fuck, Jay, fuck!”
He couldn’t take it anymore.
He gripped your hips hard, and then started to fuck himself up into you, matching your pace, making you fucking scream.
He could feel your walls tighten around his cock, the same time you started whining, “Jason, Jason, I’m gonna- I’m gonna-”
“Me too, sweetheart, me too,” he gasped.
“Come inside me, Jason, please!” you sobbed.
“But-”
“Just- just- please, please, please,” you squeezed your eyes shut and threw your head back.
Jason felt your pussy clench tight onto him, triggering his own orgasm. He released inside you while still fucking you hard, trying to prolong both of your highs.
Soon, he was oversensitive, the feeling of your walls almost painful. You calmed down, still panting above him, and he just couldn’t help but stare at you in amazement.
“Holy shit,” you giggled above him, “Holy shit, that was the best sex I’ve ever had.”
“Uh- I,” he panicked, “I came inside of you, fuck!”
“I’m on the pill, don’t worry,” you smiled, “Fuck, I just. I just wanted to walk around after this with my panties soaked in your cum.”
“How the fuck are you eighteen and already so fucking kinky,” he groaned.
You only laughed and slowly lifted yourself off of him. He hissed at the movement, feeling hypersensitive at every touch.
You went to look for your panties, which Jason noticed were a lacy black, and then put them on under your dress.
He was still sprawled out on the sofa naked, sweaty, and well spent.
“I also didn’t want any of your spunk to get on my dress,” you told him.
“S’pretty dress,” he mumbled back to you.
“You should get dressed, Jay,” you walked towards him, hands on your hips.
“Do I need to get back out there?” he complained, “Can’t I just wait in your room?”
“If you get dressed and attend the party, I’ll let you fuck me with one of your guns,” you promised.
“Really?” his eyes widen, and then he jumped back up to put on his clothes.
“I gotta tell you something, though,” you started.
“What is it?” he hummed, tucking his black shirt into his jeans.
“The safety was on,” you said, “On the gun, I mean. It was loaded, but the safety was on.”
“Oh, baby,” he looked at you seriously, “If you told me the safety was off, I would have shot you myself for being so stupid.”
You giggled.
He gave you his arm. “Shall we?”
“Yes, we shall,” you took it. “By the way.”
“What?”
“Are you going to switch back to a more lax security?”
“And have you breaking in again? You wish, kid.”
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bad boy good thing xiii.
pairing: jeon jungkook x oc
genre: angst, smut, fluff, miscommunication (we hate her lol), pining
warnings: smut, jungkook is really an asshole, the angst hurts a lot tbh, unhealthy relationships (?)
words: 5, 635
summary: a series of drabbles where you're confused and jungkook's confusing
a/n:
hello friends!!! here is the next update :D i hope you enjoy the read! it's been a v long week for me so it's nice to just unwind hehe. thank you for the support & love you all!!!!
“Are you going to just … stare at me?” Jungkook clears his throat as his eyes dart anywhere but forward. It was less uncomfortable that way.
The two people in front of him don’t flatter him with an immediate response, instead; they stare him down harder until Jungkook can quite literally feel the stare of their eyes burning a hole into his forehead. He nearly shrinks into his seat, but he manages to pull a somewhat neutral expression even if he was on the verge of a meltdown.
“Maybe.” Jimin retorts snappishly.
Jungkook knew Jimin would be the pettier one between the two, but again; it’s not unwarranted. So he sucks it up like a big boy and nods his head slowly in understanding.
However, Taehyung was a different situation. His blank face was already intimidating as it is and Jungkook’s known him ever since the two of them were in middle school. More often than not people mistook him for cold and disinterested, whereas he usually just got lost in his thoughts.
But it’s obvious when Taehyung doesn’t like someone. He doesn’t put up a front to pretend that things are dandy and that he vibes with you. No, Taehyung’s blank face returns and it’s tenfold. But Jungkook knew it wasn’t just that, that resulted in the permanent vacant expression etched onto his expression—it’s paired with the fact that Jungkook’s an idiot and this is his punishment.
Jungkook knows better that Taehyung isn’t the type to take things head-on (like Jimin), but rather allow people to ruminate in their thoughts as he stares you down with a gaze so intense that it feels like he’s unpacking every single stray thought that passes by your mind. Jungkook is aware, but he’s never had to be on the receiving end of it.
“Are we going to, uh, order?” Jungkook asks, hands gripping the menu tightly.
Taehyung still stares, and Jimin narrows his eyes at the younger boy.
“You know ____ hasn’t arrived yet, right?” His tone is accusatory and Jungkook feels himself pale.
“I didn’t mean—okay,” He sighs in defeat, “We’ll wait.”
Jimin eyes him carefully before opting to skim through the menu. Jungkook knows it’s a front to not have to engage with him since they’ve frequented the same diner more than enough times for the waiters and waitresses to know their orders by heart. It’s been a while since they came here, and Jungkook knows that he’s partly to blame.
It sucks, sitting here in silence when he remembers that the three of them, you aside—used to engage in stupid banter and talked about the most random things like college boys do. They were his best friends, Jungkook grew up with them and he distinctly remembers always getting into trouble with the two boys until their parents only sighed every time they saw them returning home with guilty expressions ridden on their faces.
Now the banter is replaced with tense silence, but it doesn’t feel like it’s over. Jungkook hopes, at least.
Before Jungkook can say something else, he feels someone slip into the empty seat next to him.
“Hey guys, sorry I’m late.” Your voice is sweet and cheerful, and it’s nice to hear you like this again.
Jungkook looks up and sees you smiling at everyone, oblivious to the strained mood of the table before you came.
“Don’t apologise,” Taehyung says for the first time, offering you a small smile, “We were waiting for you, weren’t we?”
Jungkook stiffens, fully aware that it was directed to him. He wanted to lamely interject and say that it wasn’t what he meant, but he knew that Jimi would give him more shit for that anyway.
“You didn’t have to!” You exclaim.
Jungkook feels somewhat satisfied at the scowl that plagues Jimin’s expression, but it’s quickly covered with a beaming smile in your direction as he calls over a waiter.
“We know our orders, right?” Jimin asks.
You nod, smiling brightly; clearly excited to be here again.
And Jungkook feels nice, too. It’s nice being here, with the three of you—even if Jimin and Taehyung were still giving him the cold shoulder it was much better than pretending like everything was okay when it clearly wasn’t.
“It’s nice to be back,” You smile to yourself after the four of you order, and Jungkook can only agree.
.
Maybe it wasn’t so nice, after all.
Because the entire time, Jimin and Taehyung were dead-set on making Jungkook feel the guilt of his actions tenfold when they pick apart at every word he offers into the conversation.
“Have we not been here for that long? Even the interiors changed a little.”
“I don’t know, Jungkook. Who’s fault is that?” Jimin says off-handedly, unbothered to even cast him a glance.
“Wait, really? There’s a forum coming up?”
“Didn’t we all know? _____ is the one who organised it.” Surprisingly, this came from Taehyung.
“I’m stuffed.”
“With bullshit—?”
“THAT’S ENOUGH!”
Your voice is loud enough to silence the entire table and even causes a few other patrons to turn their heads in the direction of your table.
Jimin is blinking at you with wide eyes, as Taehyung only gapes at the decibel of your voice that he’s never heard from you before. Jungkook only presses himself against his seat, and subtly inches away from you.
But you turn your head towards him and shoot him a glare so venomous that he stiffens in position.
“Don’t you dare shift away from me, Jeon.” You warn threateningly.
Jungkook swallows, too stunned to move.
Then, you turn to face the two unblinking men.
“And you two,” You narrow your eyes at them menacingly, “I told you that I’d deal with this on my own so why are you the ones holding grudges?”
Jimin opens his mouth to respond, but Taehyung is nudging him with his elbows to shut up.
“I expected better from you!” You cry, “What are you guys, five? Or is that how many brain cells you have combined?” You scowl. They’re still blinking at you when you continue to fume. “No. I’m pretty sure it’s less than that because at the rate you’re acting I’m beginning to think that this fork better conversational skills than the three of you.” You hold up your utensil for good measure and the boys can only blink at you.
The last part is directed to everyone, and Jungkook can only listen to you rant as he presses himself against his seat.
“I just wanted to hang out like usual.” You flutter your eyes shut in annoyance, “I asked for one day—one day!” You exclaim, “Just to be with you guys because we haven’t done that in forever. And you couldn’t push aside whatever hostility you have towards Jungkook for this?”
You sound so disappointed, and your voice subdues out into a whisper when you glance at the table. Jimin and Taehyung had the decency to look guilty and apologetic when they realise that you were actually serious about it. Because rarely have you ever blown up, if not—ever.
“_____, we’re sorry—” Jimin begins.
“Are you?” You snap irritatedly, “I told you that I didn’t want to make things complicated and here you guys are—doing exactly that. I resolved whatever I had to with Jungkook, and let’s not pretend like he was the only one at fault here. The two of you are opening a closed book and it’s unnecessary. I just wanted to hang out with you guys and laugh about our balding lecturers, is that so much to ask for?”
“I think—” Jungkook begins, feeling slightly more confident to speak up after you’ve somewhat defended him, but the way you snap your head to him to send him a blazing look shut him up immediately.
“And don’t think you’re off the hook either,” You seethe, “Jimin and Taehyung have every right to be mad but they don’t have the right to ruin the atmosphere of our hangout right now. That doesn’t change the fact that you messed up.”
Your words are sharp, and his eyes widen when you scold him. It oddly feels like the three men were being lectured by a parent, and it’s not far off because you’ve always been the level headed one amongst the four of you anyway.
“I’m sorry, ____.” Jimin offers apologetically, but your ears are flushed for obvious reasons before you mutter an excuse to head to the bathroom.
When you storm off, the three men stare at each other unblinking for a few seconds before Taehyung breaks the silence.
“Listen,” He sighs, “Clearly, Jimin and I are pissed.”
Jungkook’s eye twitches, that’s an understatement.
“But, we have a right to be—like she said,” Taehyung continues. Jungkook doesn’t argue there, “But we care about her as much as you do, and we don’t want her to feel any more disappointed than what she had to feel for the past month. So we’ll drop it.”
“Why are you speaking on behalf of the both of you because I’m pretty sure hyung is staring at me like I’ve murdered ten kittens,” Jungkook mumbles under his breath, off-put by Jimin’s unwavering glare.
“He’s not far off.” Jimin retorts, then he sighs, relaxing his features ever so slightly to look at Jungkook with an expression much softer than what he’s received so far. “I’m disappointed in you, and I probably will be for a very long time. But … you’re still my best friend, and even if I feel like knocking you into every available surface I’m willing to push that desire aside if it means we can make ____ happy.”
Jungkook blinks.
“I …” He croaks, “I’m sorry, to the both of you. I messed up and … I really regret it.”
Taehyung offers a small smile, “You don’t have to apologise to us. It’s ___—”
“Yeah, I know.” He clears his throat. “But the two of you are my friends too and you’ve done nothing but guide me even if I acted like it annoyed me most of the times; I really appreciated the things you told me, even if I blatantly went against it.”
Jimin purses his lips, staring hard at the boy.
“I want us to be okay too, as much as I patched things up with her; you guys are my best friends as well,” Jungkook says softly.
“If ____ forgives you then …” Jimin mutters, though Jungkook can tell it comes from a good place. “I guess I can work with that.”
It’s something, Jungkook thinks.
But then you’re still not back and the three men look at each other in worry.
“I’ll go get her,” Jungkook declares, but before he can push himself up—Taehyung is stopping him with a hand and a cock of his head.
“I’ll do it.”
And when he leaves to get you, Jungkook and Jimin are left in a mini stare off, the awkward atmosphere still tense enough. Not until Jimin gestures to his face.
“Your cheek …”
Jungkook sighs.
“You know there are people who need to pee too, right?” Taehyung hums outside the cubicle. He’s sure you’re in there because he spots your sneakers through the slit, and he’s lucky enough he can because he wasn’t sure how else he’d explain him leaning outside a stall while he talks to it.
You stay silent, dabbing at your eyes with the tissue you brought in. You feel a little stupid for crying about it but you hated the atmosphere out there. It was weird and awkward and the four of you never had moments like that. You always had things to talk about or even just to laugh at each other. The silence and glares were suffocating, and you couldn’t help but feel like it was all your fault.
“I’m going to piss on the floor if you don’t open the door.” Taehyung threatens in a bored tone.
You sniff, loud enough for him to hear as you roll your eyes at his ultimatum.
“Don’t think I won’t do it, _____.” He warns, and you hear fabric rustling that has your eyes widening.
“Don’t pee on the damn floor!” You hiss.
“Then open the door.” Taehyung retorts smartly.
You scowl, glancing into the mirror one last time to ensure that your eyes weren’t as red as you hoped they to be. It comes to no avail because your eyes are puffy enough to tell him that you’ve been crying, and you knew that you couldn’t lie your way through it.
“I’m giving you five more seconds,” He calls, “Five … four … three … two—I’m about to piss—!”
You unlock the door and pull it open, and greet Taehyung with a vehement glare of your own as he smiles down at you, but only for a bit until he notices the puffiness of your eyes and the pout of your lips.
“You know it’s kind of depressing if you lock yourself up in the cubicle of a diner to cry.” He says softly, arms reaching out to bring you into an embrace.
You don’t fight him, even if you don’t make an effort to hug him back. You were sulking.
“Well that’s what happens when your best friends are acting like assholes.” You snap back in a sniffle.
He sighs, patting your head gently as he forces your arm around his waist; shooting you a stern glare that you roll your eyes at.
“You know we’re looking out for you.” He chides gently, and you feel very much like a petulant child when you huff at his response.
“I just wanted to hang out with you guys without things being weird.” You mumble against his chest.
“I know.” He hums.
“But you had to make it weird.” You complain. “What are you? A social justice warrior? I told you I could deal with it on my own.”
Taehyung chuckles, squeezing you a little tighter as you scowl into his shirt. You knew you were being a little dramatic but you didn’t want the dynamics of the group to shift just because of the situation you got yourself in with Jungkook. Even if you were in love with him and he was … in love with you. Your friendship with the three of them meant the absolute world to you.
“I’m sorry,” He apologises, pulling away slightly to look at you with sincere eyes.
You look away and sulk.
He sighs, knowing that it would be much harder to get you to feel better than just an apology.
“Look, I’ll lay it off and I’ll make sure Jimin doesn’t overstep either. Promise.” He offers with a smile.
You look at him with tentative eyes as you raise a brow at him.
“Isn’t Jimin with Kook right now?”
Taehyung opens his mouths, then closes, before he wraps an arm around your shoulder to tug you closer into his grasp.
“After this. I make no promises that Jimin hasn’t caused bodily harm on Jungkook in the meantime.” He says.
You snort, picturing Jungkook cowering or at least avoiding Jimin’s eyes now that they were alone. You knew that the bruise on Jungkook’s cheek was Jimin’s doing, and while you already talked his ear off for that, you appreciated the gesture. Even if it did look like it hurt like a bitch.
“I just want things to go back to normal.” You mumble, fiddling with your thumbs.
Taehyung nods his head and sighs.
“It will. We’re okay. You’re okay. We’ll be okay.” He comforts you with a soothing tone.
You nibble on your lips, “I guess …”
Taehyung stops in his tracks as he was about to bring you back out when you mumble those words so softly he nearly misses them.
“You guess …? Is there something—?”
“I just,” You sigh, “Jungkook and I spoke and we … cleared things up. But it’s still … it still sucks.” You finish lamely.
Taehyung gives you a sad smile before turning you around so that he can grab onto your shoulders.
“What he said doesn’t define you. And I know for a fact that he’s beating himself up over it. It sucks because he’s your best friend and he was the one that said those things to you. But none of that is true because you’re the most interesting, smart and best girl I know.” He smiles at you, even when you flush and look away.
“Stop …” You whine, avoiding his gaze and you hear him chuckle.
“Jungkook’s dumb. He’s our friend, but he’s dumb.” Taehyung snickers.
You roll your eyes but a smile teases the corner of your lips.
“It’s not just that …” You mumble softly, pink dusting your cheeks. “I told him that I was in love with him.”
At this, Taehyung quite literally chokes on his breath.
“You—what?!”
You scowl, “God, you don’t have to be so loud.” You thwack his chest and even as he winces he still has a stupefied expression on his face.
“You … love … what?” He blinks, “What the hell did I miss? Does anyone else know? When did this happen?”
You huff, “Look, that isn’t … important. Not now, at least. I told him that I needed time to sort things out myself and … yeah.” You murmur softly.
You know Taehyung wants to press further, but he doesn’t do that because your demeanour says to drop it. He sighs, pulling you into his embrace once more before he gives you an easy smile.
“Take all the time you need, okay?” He reassures you softly, and somehow it does feel a little better.
“Were the extra ten laps really necessary?” Jungkook pants, hands falling onto his knees just as he completes the last God forsaken round.
“I don’t know. Were they?” Namjoon hums, opting to skim over Jungkook’s hunched figure with a shrug.
“You’re holding a grudge on me,” Jungkook says in a tone of disbelief.
Namjoon shoots the younger boy an unimpressed look.
“Am I?” He returns, and Jungkook already feels the incoming headache approaching.
“Look, I get Jimin and Tae because the two would literally die for her … but you?” Jungkook exasperates.
Namjoon sighs, clicking the pen in his grasp before shoving it into his back pockets. By no means was Namjoon unnecessarily intimidating, because besides the fact that he towered over most people and frequented the gym as his second home; he was a decent guy and great company.
That, and he never imposed his authority as the captain of the football team onto any of the footballers, or his peers, which made him all the more approachable and likeable. Jungkook had nothing against him, but after finding out that he too had feelings for you; he’s bound to view the older boy differently.
“Jungkook, I already told you—you’re my friend and I like you.” He deadpans, “But you’re also an idiot so you’ll pay for being one. It’s really that simple.”
Jungkook narrows his eyes, “And this has nothing to do with your feelings for her?”
Namjoon snorts, waving him off as the rest of the footballers come pooling out of the changing rooms.
“I think you’re projecting a little,” He snickers and ignores the look of disbelief that covers Jungkook’s face when the footballers start gathering around the two.
“He made you run an extra lap?” Jimin snickers.
Namjoon hears this and smiles, “Ten.” He corrects.
Taehyung lets out a low whistle before patting his sullen-looking younger friend on the back while he scowls. Jungkook couldn’t say anything because he’s aware enough to know that his mouth was the one thing that got him into most of the trouble he’s ever got himself into. So he swallows his pride and wipes his sweat, even pretends to smile tightly at Jeonghan when he asks why.
The practice is brutal, well; for Jungkook at least.
Jungkook knew that Namjoon was a strict but reasonable person by nature; and to a certain extent, petty. The only reason he knew was because of his feelings for you and that irked him. But he didn’t know how far Namjoon was willing to go just to prove a point, to you or to Jungkook; he wasn’t quite sure.
But Jungkook’s pride gets the better of him when he waves off concerned stares from the rest of his members. Even Jimin looked mildly worried when Jungkook was required to do an extra circuit or two just because his form looked ‘off’.
Jungkook’s form hadn’t looked off since high school.
And that’s how you find him, splayed out on the ground as he pants for air and stares up at the sky as if he was waiting for God to pick him up.
“Why are you on the ground?” He hears you before he sees you.
And when he opens his eyes, it’s like he’s seeing an angel. He’s half-convinced that he’s died and gone to heaven because your confused face is peering down at him from above.
“I think I’m dead.” He wheezes.
You roll your eyes, immediately squatting next to him before you shuffle through your bag to take something out.
Jungkook can’t even be bothered to ask what it was, but only when you press the object against his forehead and he feels the cool touch of a cold bottle; he ironically melts into the feeling.
“Here.” You thrust the bottle to him.
“God I lo—” Jungkook’s out of it, but not that out of it to let it slip.
You seem to notice, and your ears flush at the near slip-up. Jungkook clears his throat before attempting to sit up, head spinning at the suddenness of his actions.
“Thank you,” He rectifies his mistake immediately, offering you a meek smile.
The sheepish smile you return him with is enough. And he misses you even if you’re right in front of him; because things had been off for so long and having you back … even if you weren’t his, felt better than ever.
But Jungkook’s never pined for anyone else besides you, and it’s tiring. Yet, when you smile at him it feels like it’s worth it.
“Are you checking up on the corpse?” A voice interrupts Jungkook’s dazed expression when he stares at you for a second too long.
He turns his head and sees the cause of the numbness in his legs.
Namjoon is all smiles when he jogs over, Jimin and Taehyung following closely behind as they snicker at the interaction.
“You didn’t have to be so mean.” You pout up at the taller man, standing up as you only reach the height of his shoulders. It would’ve been cute to Jungkook if Namjoon didn’t look so taken with you.
“Someone’s gotta take care of things for you,” He jokes, ruffling your hair.
Things have been going better enough for people to poke fun at Jungkook, and even if he flushes at any mention of what happened—he knows that he’s got to deal with the consequences.
He didn’t know that the extra touchiness from Namjoon’s end was one of them.
“Never thought I’d see the day the great Jeon fall.” Jimin snorts.
You raise an eyebrow.
“What?” He shrugs, “He’s always telling us hyungs that he could one-up all of us with his eyes closed.”
Taehyung nods while Namjoon only chuckles at the statement.
“Not saying that you deserve it but you deserve it, man.” Taehyung laments.
Jungkook scowls from where he sits on the grass, but you’re nice as always when you reach a hand out for him to grab.
He stares at it, struck again by your kindness. And when he looks up the evening sunset flares behind you and you looked like a painting in a museum.
“Wow.” Jungkook blurts.
He didn’t mean to, and everyone caught on his stupefied expression.
“All right,” Namjoon rolls his eyes, tugging Jungkook up himself as the younger boy scowls at the moment being ruined. “Up, loverboy.”
You huff, turning on your heels to hide the way your cheeks had turned red when you noticed Jungkook’s gaze lingering longer than it should.
Taehyung and Jimin shoot each other a look, one that goes missing from you and the two other men. In fact, Jungkook shoots Namjoon a glare that he blissfully ignores in spite of trailing behind you, taking advantage of the fact that Jungkook’s legs are too wobbly to catch up.
“What the—?”
“Hurry up, Jeon. Yena’s waiting and you know how she gets when people are late!” Namjoon calls over his shoulder, before offering you a dimpled grin and grabbing your bag to alleviate the strain on your shoulder.
Jungkook knows that things are better and he’s damn grateful he’s able to be around you without watching over his words anymore. But the childish and immature side of him turns green when he sees the shy smile you return Namjoon.
He knows, that you feel the same way. But somehow his mind overthinks it and asks: what if?
“You look constipated,” Taehyung mumbles off-handedly, clasping a hand to his back when Jungkook stays rooted in position.
“Deserved,” Jimin says.
Jungkook scowls, dejectedly following close by as the five of you walk out of the field.
“That was absolutely uncomfortable.” Yena declares the moment she steps foot into your apartment.
You scowl.
“It wasn’t that bad …” You mumble.
Yena flops herself onto your couch and raises an eyebrow as if to say really.
“Listen I know you and Jeon exchanged vows and a dowry the other day but Namjoon is definitely a close contender. I swear I saw him whipping out a pen mid-meal to write you a love poem.”
You groan, flopping face forward as you stuff your scream into your cushion.
“Why me?” You cry.
You can feel Yena rolling her eyes behind you.
“Oh boo-hoo, your life is so hard. Two hot beefy men are in love with you, wow—things must be so difficult. Would you like a free pass in a therapy session?” She mocks pouts at you when you lift your head to glare up at her.
“They are not …” You remember what Jungkook said and you clear your throat, “… Namjoon isn’t …”
Yena scoffs.
“Well he’s definitely breaking ten different traffic laws to get there.” She retorts.
You slump back into your couch as you stare up at the ceiling.
“I thought things would get better.”
Yena shuffles until she’s settled comfortably next to you, “Are things … not?” She asks carefully.
You sigh, fiddling with the edge of your cushion.
“They are, don’t get me wrong.” You say softly, “It’s just that … I know Joon has feelings for me, and I know … I mean Jungkook is Jungkook,” You explain lamely and Yena awaits your continuation patiently. “I’m not stupid. I’m pretty sure they’re both aware of their feelings, and Jimin and Taehyung are just the bystanders witnessing shit hit the fan. And I’m … well, I’m there.”
“You mean you’re the main character.” She interjects.
You scowl, chucking the cushion at her as she dodges with a cackle.
“Things are better but they’re still weird.” You mumble.
Yena sighs, nodding understandingly as she pats your head softly.
“But you said you needed time, right? To figure things out on your own?” She asks.
You nod your head.
“Yeah,” You breathe, “I do. I mean, I know what I feel and I’ve felt this way for a long time. The only person I’ve ever … loved … is Jungkook. But I don’t know if that’s a byproduct of proximity and familiarity or because he was the only person that I’ve ever … you know.” You gesture your hands ambiguously but Yena gets the point.
“I understand.” She nods, “But things won’t be easy, not at first at least. It’s weird, I know. Going from your best friend to a potential lover, a stranger to a man who’s willing to put his star quarterback on the line and two best friends who are well—they’ve always been overbearing but they’re there.” She ends with a roll of her eyes.
Your face crumbles, “Why are things so complicated?” You cry, leaning onto her shoulder as she sighs and rubs a finger over your shoulder.
“You’ve got all the time in the world. You don’t owe anyone anything, remember that okay?” She hums softly.
“Just because you stare at them long enough doesn’t mean you suddenly get telepathic abilities.” Jimin snorts.
It’s been fifteen minutes since Jungkook’s stepped into the library, courtesy of Jimin who wanted to study for an upcoming test with him. It’s a step towards mending their friendship, and Jungkook is immensely grateful; so he didn’t think twice before responding to Jimin that he’d be their stat.
But he remembers that Jimin is cunning, not maliciously, but very impertinently. He was smart and sly all at once, and while he didn’t explicitly state anything—the timing seemed all too perfect for it to be purely a coincidence.
“Not staring,” Jungkook mutters.
Yet, his eyes remain trained on your figure.
Jungkook’s always had issues with envy, ever since he was younger. If someone made the cut before he did, he’d internally curse them out in his head and work ten times as hard out of spite. It’s somewhat toxic, but it allowed him to outdo himself every single time he felt that familiar green eyes emotion. He’s also no stranger to jealousy, and he’s remembered feeling the very same feeling he’s feeling now multiple times throughout his life, all for similar reasons.
You.
It wasn’t just because you were great at everything you did, excelling in your academics and extra-curricular, making students and superiors around you impressed with your work ethic. You were never ordinary; in fact, all you did in your life was outdo yourself in every single aspect and Jungkook always admired and envied that. It always made him feel like you were in two different worlds, where Jungkook had to work twice as hard compared to anyone else to achieve peak efficiency while you seemed to breeze by the things that you did.
Even when the two of you were in high school, he’d always fantasise what it would be like to be with you, to kiss you and to hold your hand or call you his. But he’s never thought you’d ever see him that way because all you’ve ever alluded to was him being nothing but a friend, a younger boy who had the stars in his eyes. If only you knew that it was a reflection of your face.
And the feeling is all too familiar, even when he first came to college and remembered seeing you interact with different guys that all seemed like they were taken with you. How could they not be? You were soft, sweet, kind and understanding—never the type to impose yourself or make others feel uncomfortable. You were a perfect combination of soft and relentless, the mixture of your best qualities and it seemed like Jungkook wasn’t the only person who saw that.
And he knew, he knew that you’d never lie to him, explicitly at least, or about things that mattered. So he doesn’t count your feelings, but it’s frustrating to have you right there but not at all. Especially when he recognises the look on Namjoon’s face intimately when he looks at you, bodies pressed adjacently in a booth in the library.
“You knew, didn’t you?” Jungkook scowls.
Jimin blinks innocently at his friend before a cheeky smile appears on his face, his hands pausing in between the sheets of his textbook.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He feigns innocence.
Jungkook rolls his eyes, further slumping in his chair before he forces himself to tear his wandering eyes away from you.
“What a way to rekindle a friendship …” He mutters dryly.
Jimin stares at Jungkook pointedly, “Hey, the library is open to all students. Don’t go pointing fingers at me.”
“Jimin, I literally suggested we head to an overnight cafe and you said if I wanted to fix us then I had to listen to you,” Jungkook says dryly, “And I quote—or else.”
“Okay, maybe I may have been projecting a little—”
“Jimin …” He groans.
“But look, it’s not the end of the world so don’t go ahead and get your panties in a twist, all right?” Jimin snorts, “Just 'cause she’s over there with Mr Beefy doesn’t mean you’re out of the race. Let’s just say you’re sporting a broken foot.”
Jungkook only responds with a bland look.
“That doesn’t—”
“—and a dislocated knee. Maybe a torn hamstring?” Jimin ponders like the details actually mattered. “Yeah, a pulled hamstring. A torn ACL too for a kick. And you know who’s fault all of that was?”
Jungkook sighs, “Yes, Jimin, I know. It’s me—”
“No. It’s me. Because I’m planning on dragging this out as far as I can even if you and she made amends. You fucked with someone I cared about and this is how I hold you accountable. I’m going to draw out every lone interaction she shares with Joon and make you watch it like the porn you consume in an unhealthy amount. I’ll make it so that all you’ll see when you close your eyes is the way hyung looks at her and how you can’t do anything but watch.”
Jimin says all of that in one go and with an unblinking stare. If Jimin was looking for a reaction, he definitely got one because Jungkook is gawking at him with a disturbed expression at how utterly menacing he looks.
“You’re fucking terrifying,” He exhales.
“And you’re a little shit,” Jimin returns with a huff. His eyes dart behind Jungkook for a second before his smile is expression is replaced with an evil grin, “Oh, look at that. He’s brushing her hair back—how cute.” He coos.
Jungkook groans, sinking into his chair when Jimin snickers.
#bad boy good thing#bbgt#bts#bts fics#bts series#bts angst#bts fluff#bts fanfic#bts smut#bts jungkook#jungkook x reader#jeon jungkook#jungkook fic#jungkook smut#jungkook angst#jungkook fluff#jungkook#jungkook x oc#jungkook series#fluff#angst#smut#jeon jungkook fluff#jeon jungkook angst#jeon jungkook smut
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Text
fools rush in - chapter three
catch up: series masterlist
pairing: tom!peter parker x fem!reader
summary: now that you've agreed to be peter's fake girlfriend, the two of you now have to get to know each other - maybe peter isn't as bad as you thought
warnings: none
words: 1.6k
a/n: it's been almost TWO YEARS (😲) since I updated, but mamma mia, here we go again lol. in all honesty, I'm very excited to continue this series because my idea for it came for the end, and I can't wait to eventually write that scene!! please enjoy and let me know what you think - have a fabulous day!!
oOoOo
The ding of the register, steam escaping from espresso machines, and a constant hum of New Yorkers bustling in and out is what created the warm atmosphere you loved so much about Jitters. It always was your go to coffee shop when you needed to calm your nerves, helping slightly as you drummed your fingers against the table waiting to hear from Peter. Every few seconds you glanced between the door and your phone, hoping to finally see your newly acquired, fake boyfriend.
When your phone finally buzzed, you felt a smile tug, instinctually, at your lips over the thought of finally getting word form Peter. What you found, however, quickly caused that smile to morph into a scowl of disgust. Your hands shook slightly as you fought the urge to toss your phone across the room.
Baby, I’m so sorry. Let me make it up to you.
The text was from your ex-boyfriend who had cheated on you for two months before you found out, and now tried to grovel at your feet because his ass had been dumped by the other girl. Your grip tightened on your phone as you held it up at eye level ready to send a text before you decided against it, deleted his message, and then set your phone down with an exaggerated sigh.
“Everything alright?” a voice asked, and you looked up in shock.
Peter stood in front of you, awkwardly, as though he wasn’t sure if it was alright for him to sit down. “Yeah, it’s just – never mind.” you told him and motioned to the chair across from you.
“Actually, I was gonna grab a coffee first. Do you want one?” he asked.
“I don’t like coffee.” you snapped and immediately felt guilty. It wasn’t Peter’s fault your ex was such an asshole. “I like tea.” you offered, gentler. “I guess that’s something two people in a relationship should know about each other.”
Peter nodded and returned a few minutes later with two steaming beverages that he set on the table before taking the seat across from you. “One tea for you, and one coffee with two creams and four sugars for me.”
“Alright,” you began. “we have five days to pretend like we’re one of those lovey-dovey couples, so I’ve made flashcards.” you said, highlighting your point by pulling a thick stack of notecards from your bag and placing them on the table between you and Peter.
“Flashcards?”
Ignoring Peter’s comment, you began to separate them into two piles and pulled out a pen as well. “This pile is mine that I’ve finished,” you indicated, pointing towards one half of the stack. “and you can fill these ones out about you.” you instructed.
“Do you really think we need flashcards?” Peter asked, flipping through them hesitantly.
“Well what do you suggest?” you asked defensively, arms crossed across your chest.
Peter couldn’t help the small smile that was on his lips over your behavior; it was just the way you were in class. Focus, determined, and highly logical. It wasn’t that he didn’t appreciate your effort, but this wasn’t some experiment or a final the two of you were studying for. If this was going to look real to Tony and the rest of the Avengers, it needed to be as organic as possible.
“We could just talk.” Peter offered shrugging his shoulders.
Running your hand across your face, you nodded reluctantly. “So, what’s your favorite color?” you asked, not sure where to start.
“Wow.” Peter said, trying to stifle a laugh.
“What?” you asked, indignantly. “Isn’t this what you want? To “talk” to get to know each other.” you pushed, feeling close to backing out on the deal and storming away.
At your words, Peter ceased laughing, appreciating the fact that you were at least trying things the way he had suggested. “You’re right, and I’m sorry.” he apologized. “And my favorite is color is red. What about you?”
“y/f/c” you responded quietly, almost embarrassed that you weren’t better at getting to know a person.
Slowly, over the course of the afternoon, you and Peter began to open up to the other and got a steady flow of conversation going. Of course, nothing was overly deep – just the basics. Favorite this and that, where you had grown up, who was in your family. A few drinks later, Peter suggested that the two of you take a walk around the local park.
Walking around the park, you were extremely conscious of how close your hand was to Peter’s, but you couldn’t help but admire his smile as he took in everything around him. It wasn’t often that you saw Peter outside of the classroom but watching as he cooed over little kids and asked to pet strangers’ dogs was a nice change of pace. Perhaps, in a different universe, the two of you could be close friends.
“So, you're close with your aunt?” you asked, wanting to know more about the women that Peter had praised highly back in the café.
Another smile crossed his features, as though he was incapable of feeling any other way. “Yeah, Aunt May’s the best.” he gushed. “She’s done so much fun me, and after losing my parents and my Uncle Ben, it’s really just been us against the world.” he explained, voice growing softer and more reflective.
There was a pang of your heart at the thought of how much sadness Peter had experienced at such a young age, but somehow he had found the strength to preserve. “She sounds amazing, Peter. She must be if she raised someone as great as you.” you told him, honestly.
Peter was taken aback by your compliment, nodding his head in thanks. A moment of silence washed over the two of you, but instead of feeling awkward and unwelcomed, it felt oddly natural. The spell didn’t last long, though, as Peter quickly spotted an ice cream stand a little ways away. “Come on! Let me buy you an ice cream before you have to go.” Peter offered.
“Oh no, you really don’t have to do that, Peter.” you tried to tell him, but it fell on deaf ears, seeing that Peter was already halfway to his destination.
“I know I didn’t have to – I wanted to.” Peter told you, handing you your sweet treat. “I’ll walk you to your subway station.” he said like a true gentleman, gesturing for you to lead the way.
As you stood on the platform, waiting for your train, you found yourself rocking on the ball of your heels, unsure how to end the day. It had been much more pleasant than you had expected. Maybe this whole fake relationship ordeal wouldn’t be as hard as you thought. Before you could say anything that was on your mind, Peter had already swooped in, and you felt a soft, warm pair of lips brush against your cheek.
“I’ll, uh, see you soon, y/n.” Peter blurted out, quickly scurrying away, leaving you with a dopey grin, gently touching the spot his lips had touched your cheek.
oOoOo
Two days later, Peter walked into Professor Shelby’s class early and saw you in your normal seat, with no one else around you. He pulled something out of his backpack as he walked towards you and sat down with a smile. Before you could question why he was there, Peter set a stack of completed notecards in front of you. “Maybe these flashcards are kinda useful.” he admitted.
A smile graced your features as you held the notecards in your hand, and your heart fluttered at the sweet gesture. “I’m glad you could see reason.” you teased.
“I mean now I know that you grew up in y/h/t with your family and that that your favorite musical artist is y/f/a.” he rattled off, quite proudly, proving that he had spent all last night studying.
As the rest of the class began to fill in, Peter stayed where he was and the two of you continue to talk. Even when your friends came to sit by you, Peter stayed, and you only offer them a quick hello. The entire class stared at the two of you very confused as to why you weren’t at each other’s throats to be the one to answer the question correctly. The only one to not be phased was Professor Shelby who observed the whole situation with a knowing smirk.
After class, Peter stayed by your side and the two of you began walking out in the commons together. “Ready for tonight?” Peter asked, his own nerves already starting to kick in.
“I think so.” you squeaked, nervously. Though your nerves were completely justified, seeing that in just a few short hours you would be meeting the Avengers. “I just have to go home and finish getting ready.”
“Don’t worry, you’ll be great!” Peter reassured you, bumping his shoulder playfully against yours. “Oh wait, I almost forgot.” he said, pulling your attention back in. “Give me your phone.”
“Why?”
Sighing, Peter held out his hand. “Just give it to me. Please?”
Unlocking your phone, you handed it over to Peter, curiously watching what he was doing. Brows furrowed, you watched as Peter raised the phone up, offering a goofy grin as he took a picture of himself. Before you could question what on Earth he was doing, your phone had been returned to your hand. Tapping on your screen, a new lock screen picture appeared, and you grinned when you saw it was the one Peter had just taken. Leave it to Peter to think of every last little detail.
“Your turn.” Peter called, pulling his own phone out of his back pocket.
In shock, you held your hands up to your face to try and block his frame for a good picture, but Peter smiled and captured the moment anyway. Doing the same thing, he made the newly taken picture his own lockscreen background. Peter looked at the picture and grinned, trying to ignore the way his heart skipped a beat seeing you so vulnerable, yet relaxed. That didn’t mean anything, right?
oOoOo
taglist: @peppamultifanimagines @asonofpeter @levylovegood @wtf-ziver @rebeccaprewett
(if you don't want to be tagged anymore, just let me know!)
#peter parker x reader#peter parker imagine#tom!peter x reader#peter parker x you#marvel x reader#marvel imagine#fools rush in#rita writes
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