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n3xii · 2 months

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Today's reading will focus on:

-your greatest strengths and abilties

-your "weaknesses" and how they can be leveraged to be skills. you have three pokemon cards to choose from.

CARD ONE

strengths and skills:

when I look at your cards I feel like im looking at someone who has been at rock bottom and knows how to talk themselves (and others) out of a low point. You know how to extract lessons from situations others would see as a ''failure." in your world giving up doesn't exist, any "failure" is just a bigger, overarching lesson that helps you get closer to success. I feel like one of your strengths is being able to see things from both a higher perspective, and as the perspective of someone who has been at rock bottom. Its like you have both a helicopter view of a situation, and a on the ground view as well. This dual understanding allows you to help other people on a deeper level where no one else has been able to reach them. you help others understand their situation from a higher perspective but also from the perspective of someone whos ''been there.'' this skill reminds me of a Lenord cohen lyric where he describes Jesus, "and ..he realized only drowning men could see him." You can connect with people who have never had anyone meet them where they are, because you know how to guide them out of the waters. you have birds eye view which provides a greater understanding of a turbulent situation and its purpose without loosing sight of how it feels to be at ''rock bottom" on a personal, intimate level.

weakness and how it can be a strength:

Your weakness has to do with maintaining objectivity and balance. because you know so intimately how others may feel when they are at rock bottom, maintaining the boundary of not accidently going back down can be something that hinders you. But at the same time, this can be a strength in the sense that you feel very strongly for them, you want to stand up for them and find a fair conclusion. Your sense of justice may make your biased at times, but it also makes you motivated

CARD TWO

your strengths and skills

you can see beyond LIES and MISTRUTHS, you're someone who sees through anything thats unclear and confusing. you know when someone is trying to misdirect you and to confuse you, you have an uncanny sense of when something isnt adding up. i also feel that you can cut through extra details and bluff to get to the point of something, you dont mince words and you communicate very well regardless of the medium you choose.

weaknesses and how it can be your strength

you may not come from money, or you may not come from a background that gives you a soft cushion for you to fall back on. lacking a solid foundation may be something you consider a weakness about yourself, but this is actually something that can be your biggest strength- i know many people who come from BIG money. im talking Mercedes car before they even got an official license. Their privilege does help them in life. HOWEVER, they have no work experience, no applicable skills, no understanding of what its like to work 8-12 hours a day. they have never made a resume as they have literally never worked a job. I used to think this was something to envy but then I realized something pivotal: when their main providers die and that foundation goes away, they will have to learn skills many of us learned at 15-16 years old in their twenties or even thirties. that sounds like my worst nightmare.

when you dont come from that type of comfort, you have to learn to rely on yourself. this is a strength that makes you more powerful than alot of people in this world because you know how to build your own stability instead of having it provided for you. you will create your own legacy.

CARD THREE

strengths and skills

im getting the sense that you're very good at entertaining yourself, you have a magnetic sense to you that could attract others to you but its like you prefer your own company. Your passions, creativity and humor are enough to supply you with enough entertainment for a lifetime. you dont rely on other people to do this for you, you know how to make yourself laugh, how indulge in your passions, how to make yourself smile. You are your own sun, literally, my intution compared you to the sun lol

your weakness and how it can be a strength

you're very analytical, alert and aware of your surroundings. this may make you overly cautious, anxious but at the same time, its a strength to have the awareness that you possess. You're quick and on your feet, its difficult to catch you off guard. your focus may be pulled in several directions at once, but still, you have keen senses. I feel like you process stimuli very quickly, its may be a weakness in the sense that its hard to process it all at once, but it also makes you very difficult to catch off guard. You notice details others wouldnt, you hear things others cant.

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whole-circus · 9 months

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can i please request nsfw headcanons with laughing jack and candy Pop ?? thanks youss 🫶🏻

Candy Pop and Laughing Jack NSWF hcs!

➥ Hiiii!! (pretty clown boys im drooling). Here you go! And again sorry that i kept you waiting!!!! >:(( Ofc please remember about safe sex always and things like that!!

˚　　✦　　　. ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚. 　　　✦　　˚

Candy Pop

Yeah he is big king, and I mean it, he is huge everywhere! Candy isnt human, so things like "average size" doesnt applicable to him, basic laws of nature doesnt exist either. Bold assumptions that he would be more than 10-12inches (25-30cm) when hard and he is thicc! Such a yummy dick and pretty too! Shape doesnt look human tho! Candy has couple of veins here and there, and is well trimmed (he just cares about his look so much, not like you can complain). Good luck with taking him - at least he can hit all your sweet spots easly. Absolute nightmare if you are virgin!

Candy is defintely a top! He just loves using his power and big posture against you! All that to make you feel completely under his control, relying only on him. Loves making absolute mess from you, the state when you cant even think properly and just moan needly his name while bouncing on his cock - he lives for that so much. There is no better view than his pet being obdient and good just for him! There is a small chance that he would let you dom him, but its one in a milion tbh - Candy just loves "taking care" for you too much!

Such a kinky and freaky beast pls!! Like bondage, spanking, BDSM, pet play, size kink, breeding, degradation!!! Sign him in, he is so willing to try anything and everything!! Boy has seen a lot so you wont suprise him anyways. When you two are having sex, he loves choosing risky places when you two could have been seen! Candy does have something from exhibicionist and get off so much from the thought that someone would see you both! Big on making you cry, he so so mean i swear! Doesn't let you cum without his persmission, says many mean things or maybe its becasue of pain? Can't wait to see you looking up at him with your teary eyes! Candy Pop is also rough partner, constantly grabbing and pulling your hair ust to look at him. Give him blowjob if you are brave enough! He knows that he is huge and wont fit into your tight throat, but will try to shove as much as he can!

VERY VOCAL!! He moans, screams, whimper,, just anything! Making so many sounds like his own life depends on it! Also great dirty talker, you are wet just from his voice! LOVES CALLING YOU HIS PET! Or things like slut, dumb fucktoy, and things like kitten or filthy dog..But he has his cutie patootie side too! Sweetie, cutie, pup, baby (tho he likes to use it when he mocks you)! HE ALSO LOVES WHEN YOU CALL HIM NAMES THAT EMPHASIZE HIS POWER OVER YOU!! Master and sir are his thing, but he is curious what can you come up with!

Loves positions like doggy, cowgirl (doesnt matter if reversed or not, he just want you do all the work!) and listen!! he is big and strong and stuff so he can actually hold you against the wall and just fuck you when he hold you (usually for quickies). Candy also loves taking you on the table/kitchen counter - anywhere like that! Will grind against your butt with his bulge, and be ready to be humped when you two sleep pacefully!

When it comes to aftercare..it is here but nothing too special. Will definitely praise you after sex, telling you how good did you do, helps you out with potential hurts you got during - otherwise he will just lay here with you, caressing your back and hair.

Laughing Jack

Another huge and inhuman cock..good luck! Jack is way more on lenght than thiccnes, but i assure that you wont complain when he will pound into you! Also, he is not a human, so we ignore there basic laws of nature - i would say he is around 8-10 inches (20-25cm) long when hard. Has cute little bush, one sensitive vein on the back and no, his dick isnt in black-white stripes.. Second virgin nightmare, but what is the worst thing that can happen?

Jack defnitely prefers to be dominant one, usually he is this sweet and soft kind of dom..but be aware of his more rougher side, just give him a bit of time! That dosnt mean that he won't be sub..gladly will become one just for you! Just keep in mind that he is bratty as hell, not obeying any of your command..looks like he needs good punishment to put him in line!

Romantic love making with all this cheesy stuff like candles and roses >> rough sex rawr. I will propably dissapoint you all freaks, but nothing too hardcore? Jack is pretty loving and sensual partner once you are together, so the thought of hurting you in any way (even if its for your pleasure) would put him off a bit. But he is open to trying new things, just nothing too kinky! Enjoys marking you in diffrent forms - biting, straching you with his sharp nails or just giving you hickeys, he loves that so much..! Please pull his hair - or let him do the same to you, it doesnt matter at this point! Huge on breeding, loves the though of getting you all full with his cum..(no worries, even if you cant be pregnant!). And when it comes to oral.. he is so amazing at giving it! Jack has such a long tongue, ready to reach all your sweet spots or wrap around your whole lenght! If you would be the one giving, he might be a bit scared because he knows well how big he is, so it might take him a bit convincing.

Much of a whimper..! Makes such a cute and needy noises i swear to god. Jack doesnt really moan, but it happens to scream your name while growling! Also dirty talking can be a bit awkward sometimes, but most of the times he is doing great job and keep you both away frm this uncomfy silence!

Doesnt really like degrading you, sex is more of love making for you both and he just want to show you his feelings! You end up being sweetheart, love, darling or little one - he is sucker for this cute petnames. When it comes to him, he is fine with being just Jack or other sweet petnames, but wont complain if you call him daddy!

Jack especially likes the positions when he can see your face and have easy access you every part of your body! So missionary (pls, you two holding hands when he slams into you!), cowgirl and pretty much enjoyes 69. Special place in his heart goes to normal sex during cuddles or to cockwarming!

AFTERCARE IS SO SWEET WITH HIM! Whatever you need, he will bring it up to you! He will glady cuddle with you to sleep after he made sure you are clean and hydrated, but is as much cool with just hugging you ad talk about small, silly things.

˚　　✦　　　. ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚. 　　　✦　　˚

#creepypasta hcs #creepypasta smut #creepypasta x reader #crp #creepypasta #laughing jack x reader #laughing jack #lj x reader #lj #candy pop #candy pop x reader #headcanon #fandom #creepypasta fandom #wholecircus #requests

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limpfisted · 7 months

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but wyll does leave you as a squid. he tells you he can't be with you anymore and the solution he comes up with is basically one wherein he treats you like a pet, or worse, a dirty secret that he hides away in the bowels of baldur's gate because he still cares more about being the blade of frontiers than he does you. i love wyll but the way larian wrote that ending feels both ooc for him and a touch cruel toward the pc.

the way canon portrays a character cannot be ooc. you can disagree with it, you can change it, but thats why fanfiction is called “transformative work.” the text is the text. your interpretation of the text is subjective, the events of the game are not subjective. they are facts that happen on ur computer screen. wyll asks you if you want to be his basement squid lover. you can say no. he doesnt force that on you.

it is cruel. it is a bad thing to do. wyll should not do it. it is obviously a bad thing for both you AND him

but hes NOT the blade of frontiers in this ending. hes the grand duke of baldurs gate.

if hes the blade of frontiers—he dumps you bc he wants to go be an adventurer and that is the goal n oath he literally sold his soul for once, n the reason he lives his life. u cant be an adventurer with him. ull scare people, theyll try to kill you. he relies on his relationship with the people of the sword coast, they orotect him n give him their kindness shelter n hospitality in order for him to protect them. he cannot do this if u are a mindflayer.

if hes a grand duke, he NEEDS you. he wants you so desperately hes WILLING to do something awful to you BC he has so many fucked up feelings for you

wyll was 17 years old when he left bg, he stopped studying law, he never led an army, every patriar has been killed, 2 dukes are dead, the city is in ruins. he has no idea what hes doing. he no longer has any agency over his own life, he does not have his freedom, n he WANTS you

i believe the feeling of love and the action of love are different. he feels in that moment a desperation to have you and hold you, the normalcy, the fairy tale promised. he clings to something he cannot have in u just as he can no longer have his freedom to be a hero, to be the man he would choose to be on his own. he is in awe of you. you are the champion of his city—the city he is now shackled to, that fits like a wet kitchen glove.

wyll has so very little agency in this game. i see this ending as part of his “bad end.” but it is also an interesting one.

is ascended astarion “ooc.” is dark justiciar shar? no person is just one thing and there is no inherent good or evil inside anyone. we are the decisions we make, goid or bad, every single day, and the reasons we make them. you make decisions, you live with them, and who you choose to be in every second is who you are. we are not fixed states. good isnt a thing you are—its a thing you have to work to do every day, and something you can and SHOULD work to do every day. but people slip up. theyre messy, confused, traumatized, they have big feelings, that make them want things that hurt other people. everyone makes mistakes, even people as noble as wyll.

you can prefer one decision line of a character over another. obviously i would prefer to be with wyll in avernus kicking zariel’s ass.

but if you deny someone the mere notion that they could do something hurtful or evil even to the people they love—you are denying their humanity n the full complexity of their soul. n u are denying the effort it takes to BE so goid like wyll is so good,

wyll is not some perfect well-adjusted good boy that goes around with a soul full of sunshine. everyone had dark thoughts and impulses and violence in them. everyone is equally capable of hurting people.

it is HARD to be good.

wyll is not performing the act of love—love is healthy n consensual n nutritional. but he feels a desperate pull of love towards you. you have been his light in all this. you have kept him sane and kept him going. you made every major decision in this journey for him. you are his leader, his lover. he is about to have the hardest possible job in the world with no understanding of how this job works. he hasnt been here for ten fucking years. he wants you. he wishes you could fix it, like you fixed everyone else.

its a weakness and a flaw.

wyll has flaws.

why would you want wyll to be perfect no matter what decisions u make? if you don’t like it—pick different decisions in the game and “earn” your happy ending, bc it DOES exist.

this is one of wyll’s most interesting narrative beats and us a fascinating thing to discuss and analyze. its part of a larger narrative, it serves a purpose in the story n to wyll’s story.

it IS cruel. thats the point. the story could not be going “this is fucked up” any more if it tried

you can transform the work any way u want, thats what fanfic n rp r for, but like

be uncomfortable! its supposed to make you uncomfortable! not every story is supposed to make you happy! some are meant to challenge your perception of a character n what you thought a character was possible of!

rant over, have a good night anon

#ooc

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rawmeknockout · 1 year

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Hey, hey! I hope you're doing great. This isn't a request but more of my curious mind trying to make sense of things. That being said; what are your favorite shipping or story trope/twists that you are an absolute sucker for & who of your favorite bots &/or cons match this trops/twists best in your opinion? This can be any iteration of your choosing (pls include where the selected are from, I get a little lost on who's from where sometimes).

Have a nice day/night! 🤗

oh i LOOOOOVE talking about this

for idw

rivals-to-lovers with rodimus and characters like rodimus (but mostly just rodimus); being his rival and someone who antagonizes him but at the end of the day you begrudgingly respect him and know he has potential (which is painful bc hes so stupid) and as you fight side by side and save each other and help each other with your internal struggles, the passion between you blossoms into love

old-flames-who-were-evil-together-but-eventually-things-went-sour-but-then-...-you-reconnect with megatron specifically; someone who was an advisor and by his side before the war, a strategist and a major brain behind the formation of the decepticons iconic evil plots, but eventually you start to despise him for turning this thing you cared so much for into something that you neither of you wanted to begin with but both of you are so sullied by your horrible actions theres no repentance for either of you, you fuck off to some planet to escape punishment bc youre not going down like this, idk you reconnect and although you have a lot of bad blood between you theres still relief that megatron is alive and didnt get executed. in the beginning all you wanted was the best for megatron and your planet now you two are unrecognizable compated to the mechs you were before so you take comfort in each other bc who better to console him and stand by his side than someone just as horrible and tainted.

haughty-diva-and-the-person-they-'settled'-for is also a dynamic i love esp for mechs like whirl and swerve and trailcutter who see themselves as undesirable and perhaps even unattractive to others, but anyone could see they have insane chemistry with this hottie. someone who is also probably pretty bad at expressing their feelings and doesnt know how to say they like someone bc theyre used to being hit on not hitting on others.

old mechs paired with a bouncy youthful personality, opposites attract sort of thing. ratchet and magnus (sometimes megs) are my usual go-tos for this dynamic but it could work for others like tarn or kaon. theres a lot of world weary mechs to go around so i like the idea of someone who isnt so jaded paired with this type of personality, i think it can be very cute.

im partial to maternal nurturing type reader inserts, but im not sure which mech is best paired with a personality like that. a soft mommy dom if you will. not submissive but breedable. along with this, a reserved quiet but thoughtful character who is secretly sort of dumb is cute. again not sure who they would bounce off of, but i like to imagine this reader insert takes care of alien plants and doesnt have an easy time interacting with others. a blunt dry humor. more of a comic relief type.

for g1

ratbat with someone who is very much a bystander on the nemesis, perhaps a no-name maintenance bot, but one thing leads to another and he relies on this mech to be his henchman and obvs theyre gonna listen to him he's their superior but also they arent Built Different they are very much built to standard code theyre not gonna pick a fight bc even ratbat could wipe the docking bay with them 😔 cannon fodder,,,, ratbat is happy just to have someone who wont fight him on this, so he starts to see them as less of a disposable and more of a nuisance (which IS a step up) i think this sort of dynamic is also cute for starscream with a newbie seeker. someone who will listen to him and polish his heel thrusters if he demands it without grumbling and thats rare to find so he treats them to,,, less shrieking than is usual for him. will not let you die on the battlefield even if he complains that saving you is a waste of his time.

sunstreaker and sideswipe in another rivals to lovers scenario, but i see this less as rivals and more as "hardnosed mech who is unrelenting in their principles really hates these two bullies"; starting out from them being absolute menaces and just awful (as per ush) to developing a soft spot for a mech who is just as stubborn and blunt as they are in their approach and who wont leave either twin to waste away on the battlefield from an injury even if theyre like,,, reeeeally awful to them. what can i say i think the twins would appreciate a show of loyalty and camaraderie even if they pretend they dont need that sort of thing.

optimus and a creepy little con. ive done a fill for a request like this. just optimus having a soft spot for this little weirdo who has too much interest in him.

in the same vein, bumblebee with a cutesy creepy little con. someone who is sort of his opposite? the bumblebee of the decepticons, if bumblebee terrified all his fellow autobots. falls in love with him for saving them or something and now they wont leave him alone. he is reluctant to admit theyre cute bc hes a loyal autobot and they also scare him.

megatron and anyone he can hold like this

im always open to more dynamics and tropes bc its pretty clear how i write, i need a base personality to write the reader insert off of and i dont like to leave it as "they love you and thats the most important aspect of your character" i just dont think being loved is an important trait for a character to have, its an important action for them to perform and for others to perform towards them but its not a good basis for a personality

i also love dynamics that can have a lot of depth and backstory added to them so i get a feel for where the reader has been and why they are the way they are (im not partial to shy types personalities tho bc i like more assertive characters that can move the plot more with their actions/words)

#asks

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phoenix-before-the-flame · 1 year

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Im sorry im sot sure how to word this right but, how do you manage to change the characters race while still making them look like well, them? I've tried but it never comes out right.... they allways look like a new character when i try.... again im sorry to ask....

Tis not a problem at all dear comrade! I'm always happy to try and answer art questions, but just a heads up i might get a lil bit rambly in some spots so i do apologize beforehand.

First off, change that negative tone!

I understand how you feel and its easy to feel down when the piece isnt turning out how you picture it but that's ok. You're setting foot into new artistic territory, something you havent tried before thats still a fairly big unknown. Instead of seeing it as a failure see it instead as a step in your artistic growth. No one starts off god tier right? Changing your framing of how you see your 'bad' drawings can really help you see em in a more positive light (and help with motivation when you attempt something new another time!)

Ok but onto what you actually asked about. How do you change a character but still keep them the same? Well in my eyes to do this, you have to

Break down thedesign

Let's take in the character we wanna redesign. We gotta really look at their original design and identify all their relevant features and shapes that make them easily recognizable as them.

Lemme grab my assistant Gajeel to illustrate my point.

So we have our Gajeel, yea we know what he looks like but! What exactly are we looking for here? Well we're looking for the key features to his design, features important enough where if he had a completely different hairstyle and colour palette ( and perhaps even body type) would make you go 'yea that's gajeel'.

So in breaking it down we note that he has:

Triangular shaped eyes with a bit of a dark outline

Small eyes with slit pupils

Prominent cheekbones

Jacked up hairline

And of course the most noticable feature, the multiple piercings

These- to me- are the most important parts of his design so i leave them generally unchanged when i go about drawing him. Which means everything else is on the table to change!

Though for me when I got about my redesigns i focus on changing 3 things mostly- nose, lips and hair. These really push a race change design, specifically in this case, makin em black

Now of course with this you are going to change skin tone that's obvious but relying solely on colour palette change makes for a somewhat weak redesign. If you turn off the colour and you can't tell if the character is nonwhite then it needs some work.

Noses and Lips

Now there are a great many ways to draw wider noses and it can be a bit difficult figuring out to interpret em without em lookin janky but i find that less is more!

I only ever really show the base of the nose where the tip part is and the nostrils, the bridge of the nose is only ever shown in my style when the head is a bit turned.

The same goes with lips, you only really need about 2 or 3 lines at minimum to emphasizs thick lips- one for the actual lip line, one for the top lip and one for the lower lip. Some people choose to leave out the line for the bottom lip and thats fine. Just don't do this-

If you do that im putting you in the ground myself.

Hair

Hair is a bit of a 50/50 for me to change most times because i really enjoy drawing that spiky anime hair lol. But I think that the important thing to keep note of changing the hairstyle to a more natural one is to keep the overall silhouette of the hair recognizable.

The silhouette being y'know, the shape and all that. If you're a pokemon fan then you already know how much a silhouette builds recognition. So as an example, Juvia's first hairstyle was that straightened looke with the tight curls at the end. The shape of that hairstyle was mimicked by using braids with puffs at the ends to help with maintaining that silhouette.

Gajeel has very big, spiky and wild hair so I tried to mimick that with dreads

(Also to note with the Gajeel redesign is that his face is slightly wider with the features a bit lower but thats more of a liberty I took than anything hard and fast so dont even worry about that)

Again, if i am changing the hair then i try to follow the shape of the original design as closely as possible. Even with a design such as my Black Gray design with a vastly different hairstyle i still sketched out the shape of his og hair to maintain the overall spiky shape (with a few liberties lol)

So uh, yea! I think that's the most basic breakdown of how to go about doing a black redesign. Identifying the key design traits i think really is the most important step to do as it really helps to cement what's necessary to keep and what can or cant be changed.

But some other stuff to be mindful of when redesigning:

Refs naturally are your friend. If you have difficulty with interpreting irl refs then theres no shame in using someone elses art as a reference to help you to learn and understand (just no tracing!)

Please for the love of god use saturated browns for the skin tone. I cannot tell you how often i see designs with a gray-brown skin tone. It makes the character look ashy. Please don't make them ashy.

Also speaking of skin tones, be mindful of being accidentally colourist, where all your darker skinned characters villains or angry, loud, violent, sexual, etc. Not saying you can't redesign characters who have those traits to be dark skinned. But if all the characters you redesign to be dark skinned have those traits while others with more positive traits are lighter shades you may want to step back and do some reflection.

Don't be let down if you don't get a redesign on the first try! You don't see behind the scenes for other artists, it definitely takes a few tries to get it right so dont get hung up on it!

These are not hard and fast rules, just really what works for me and how I do things. If you need anything clarified better or wanna ask anything else feel free to! Happy redesigning comrade!

#talking to the firebird #uhhhhhhh #this got longer than i intended #should i tag this with something #uhm #art tips #i guess?

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lost-in-azalea-forest · 7 months

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hello bro!!!! giving you cereal, notes and walk for Asmo, Jiro and Asra!! feel free to change the f/o if you feel like writing about someone else! im just here wanting to read more stuff about you and Jiro hehe sending the best vibes your way!<3

oh, long post incoming

cereal - how different are your breakfasts? have you ever prepared breakfast for the other? is there something you would never accept for breakfast, even if it came from them?

Asmo: My S/I isn't actually the exchange student but they almost live with the demon brothers so we have often breakfast together, he definitely cares more about looks of food to make aesthetic photos, while i just want my coffee

Jiro: I'm a bit of a mess in the kitchen but I still feel like a biiiit of a big bro for Jiro so he is always welcome to crash my home for breakfast, whatever he asks for I will try and fail miserably to do

Asra: He makes such a great tea for REAL!! The best way to begin a day, and his cooking is great so I'm coming to visit you two quite often. It's also nice to make a card reading for the day in group :>

notes - whose writing is harder to read? who writes more by hand than digitally? do any of you rely on making lists or using post-its on a daily basis?

Asmo: he writes so much digitaly but whenever he writes by hand, his handwriting is beautiful, i feel like we would leave eachother some small notes to make each other's day

Jiro: he has an awful writing and as non native i have such a hard time reading it, i learn with time though; i was said my writing is very neat though

Asra: i like his handwriting, after all you can see it in the game! and we keep sending eachother postcards from any place we visit, i think it's cute

walk - what do you usually do when you spend time together? is there any place you especially like to hang out at? maybe somewhere that holds a deep meaning for both of you for some reason?

Asmo: shopping malls are such a cool place, we get to have fun trying out some clothes and choosing outfits for eachother as well as chill in cafés while exchanging some gossip and having meaningful convos, but tbh, having a spa day at his room is also a favorite of mine, depends on my energy levels

Jiro: i feel like if the day isnt going right for any of us it's high time we go hit arcade and playing together to our hearts' content, if i end up being really good i would let him win ksjskjs i think it would also be fun to play some basketball or soccer although im really physicaly weak xd im complaining about my old age to him while being 4 years older, yea (i think. math is ironically not my strongest suite)

Asra: to be honest, travel is the best 'place' for us to spend time together. i just love seeing new places and i'm sure he would make it extremly fun, besides i like to help him find gifts from travel for you ;3

#f/o #self ship #ask game #safeship #safeshipping #💄#🎸#🔮

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mare-sanguis · 2 years

Text

Master character analysis thread on Ryu Sunghoon Part I

This post covers episode 1 and 2. 3 to 4 (and 5 depending on how much time i have) will follow later today

We start the first episode and the first concept: Fear.

Sunghoon is running in the front- acting as not only the leader but also the protector. He makes it pretty clear he does not and can not leave Yoonjae behind no matter how often number 7 (Taeho) pressures him to. Sunghoon sees them as his family, his brothers. So thats why he cannot leave any one of them behind- he also feels very responsible for every one of them. He basically put all the pressure on himself because he knew they needed someone. He gets himself in danger for everyones sake- especially for Yoonjae’s.

When they hide from Moonkang under the floorboards Sunghoon is visibly scared and frightened, unlike Yoonjae who is just staring right back at MK. Sunghoon may be the protector of others, but he cannot protect himself. Even once hes an adult, he relies on Sungjoon to protect him.

This incident (and the following in episode 2) is one of the many keypoints of his trauma. Yes, child labor as a kid is pretty traumatizing, slavery in general- but whats even worse is the things that happen while escaping and everything afterwards if they get caught. Much more worse punishment, dead friends. Tears and so much guilt.

When MK is flashing his lights at the floorboards Sunghoon avoids eyecontact. A mannerism he had picked up while in the welfare. A mannerism that would follow him through his later teen years and adulthood.

We see Sunghoon again, after a long timeskip working as a judge. The first scene we see of him make him seem like he „sees himself as someone better than anyone else“. He sits alone in the cafeteria of the court. Not only that but he chose a seat far away from the others- to keep extra space. The seat is next to a corner, placed next to a window. I guess there was a chance for him to pick any other seat in the middle of the room but he took a corner seat. The placing here is pretty important. When ever someone chooses a place in the corner of a room, they want to be with themselves not because they feel superior but because on tbe corner they feel safe. A lot of people with (social) anxiety do that. They feel safe and protected be the walls backing them up. In psychology, "sitting in the corner of a room" usually indicates a feeling of isolation and wish/hope for freedom from any contact with other people

So instead of him sitting there alone means hes egoistic and cold, this is is all just trauma response. He would rather stay alone than have his trust misused. When the camera focuses on him he doesnt look like hes „there“. Instead he looks distant. More uncomfortable than anything else- he probably knows people talk about him but he doesnt care. After all, this isnt as worse as what he went though when he was younger. His eyes are focused on something else- something thats so distant he cant reach it and hes losing himself in it. When the ex chief judge meets him, Sunghoon immediately tries to avoid any (uncomfortable) conversation with him. The ex chief judge probably reminds Sunghoon of someone from the welfare. Not exactly one specific person, but every adult that ever came visit there and then never cared to save the kids. When the chief judge talks about his „client“ , how Sunghoon should just let it go, SH breaks the pen.

I could immediately make them out as anger issues. I act exactly like him when ever something pisses me off- but he unleashes them through passive actions (or self destructive behavior once hes in his safe place which is his room/house). He tries to tell the chief judge off through passive aggressive remarks. Thats another indicator of his inner anger/rage. Tho, from situation to situation the anger issues are either aimed at himself or a third party.

When the chief judge mentions Sungjoon, Sunghoon ackknowledges him as his brother- theres no tone of resentment in his voice even when he tells the CJ to go ahead and sue Sungjoon. Its just how Sunghoon speaks. There no shift in his tone between "sue him" or any of his other lines. On every instance he makes it clear he wants SJ to get punished if he ever does something wrong but when it comes down to it, Sunghoon lets him go off with a slap on the wrist.

Later when Sunghoon calls Sunhgjoon over for family dinner and Sungjoon declines because hes still working SH sounds pissed- oh he does but its important to know why hes pissed and what about. He is disappointed- its clear in his eyes in that scene. And through several moments in the show hes shown being disappointed and presenting it through something akin to resentment. Its like a kid still throwing a tantrum- a never ending one.

At the family dinner scene, Sunghoon is the first to notice Sungjoon when he steps inside rhe room- their parents are too invested in their little chatter. This shows Sunghoon was waiting for Sungjoon to arrive. He knew he would come. He had hoped. Because despite everything, he needs his bother. He even smiles a bit, even if its practically not visible at all.

There are several occasions when Sunghoon looks pretty uncomfortable to a point where he tries to either cover it up by fake smiles, avoiding eye contact or chance the topic. For instance when his mother says „how nice would it have been if you (sungjoon) became a judge like your brother“: Sunghoon chuckles and smiles, but nothing of it sounds or looks sincere. He immediately changes subject to "lets raise our glasses, dad" because he can not stand the thought of being the center of attention any longer, as well as to take off some burden off his brother. Several times we see Sunghoon glancing at Sungjoon- more out of curiosity than animosity.

Several moments later, theres another fake smile crossing his face- when he congratulates his mom. Its exaggarated and hides a lot. So many thoughts and feelings but what he shows is just fake. Everything about the family dinner scene screams fake- i know the fandom likes to focus on Sungjoon in this scene, but if we put him aside for a second and look at the others on the table they are all fake.

Their parents because they want a superficial life. Sungjoon because he hates it there and only went for his brother. Sunghoon because hes detatched from them.

There is a shot where we can see that Sunghoon is looking in Sungjoons direction- he notices him, he ackknowledges him as his brother. He wants him to be happy and safe. (ep1. at around 39:24)

After the family dinner, Sunghoon rushes to his room without hesitation- first it seems like he does not want to talk to Sungjoon because he hates him but everyone with an undealt trauma or any other mental issues/social anxietx knows this isnt the case- his room is his safe space. Its pretty visible in the following episodes- in his room he can be himself . In his room he can recharge and in his room he can suffer alone without anyone judging him.

When he steps out of his room again, Sungjoon grabs him by his arm to which Sunghoon reacts surprised and angry (through his eyes). Without any further knowledge and context it again seems like he feels superior and just does not want to be this close by his „inferior“ brother. But with the recent episodes we now know why hes so reclusive. Why he wants to be alone, why he does not want to be touched. In that moment, he feared SJ would feel the wounds. He feared SJ would find out right then and there he isnt the perfect big brother he is supposed to be- he didnt want SJ to find out hes broken. In that moment he wasnt mad, but uncomfortable. Pretty understandable.

The next scene of SH is the first of many wood carving scenes. It shows him focused, not out of place at all- more comfortable because he has a goal.

When the court scene starts we see him drawing numbers- when number 13 pops up, he stares extra intense. He never forgot number 13- how could he ever. Its even possible, that, when ever he would see the kids numbers, especially 13, he would be reminded of all the things that went wrong. Even if number 13- Yoonjae- would still be alive, it left a visible scar in Sunghoons heart.

Episode 2 starts with yet another flashback: This time it highlights exploitation of trust.

Young Sunghoon trusts the chief police officer (Yeom Kinam). He just got away from the welfare facility, more or less being the only one to survive. This also adds survivors guilt. He thought he would finally be free, so he trust the man. Eats all the food he gives him- only for it to turn out in the most horrible way. Chief Yeom would take him back to the facility where god knows what type of punishment would await him. Survivors guilt overshadowed my distrust, hatred for adults. Because so far no one had saved them. At that point he probably had lost a lot. If not everything.

Back in court, he shows his passive aggressive side yet again. Nothing new at that point. As a judge, he should stay neutral, even his tone, but he can not help himself and coat everything he says to Jung Manchun in passive aggressive remarks. And when JMC accuses Sungjoon as the killer of Baek Jieun, Sunghoons reaction is shock coated with confusion. There are lots of possible reasons as to why he reacted the way he did, i'll highlight 3:

-he either knew SJ wasnt the killer from the beginning because hes working with the killer

-at the moment, he actually got invested in the murder case

-simple as it is, he suspected SJ of being the killer

Either way he reacted pretty confused, not accusing or "know it all".

When Sungjoon gets called in to give a statement and shows off his typical attitude, Sunghoon picks up on it and looks at him with raised eyebrows. This scene could mean many things but also the possibility that Sunghoon was thinking „Him? The killer?“ the face sunghoon makes resembles this of a brother who catched his younger brother red handed, stealing food. Not seeing him kill someone.

And before this whole post will be longer than any of my history essay, here are some more nice details about sunghoon:

he thinks a lot. In a very "deep in thoughts" type of way. One scene in episode two is when they leave the courtroom to give their verdict and we get to see Sunghoon in his office thinking about it pretty intense, he doesnt even notice his assistance (ep.2 at around 21:45 minutes)

he judges by observing. This is a typical method of a judge but we know how deep this character trait of his goes. (ep.2, at around 22:50 and 25:20 minutes)

when ever something out of the ordinary happens, he reacts pretty calm. Unless his brother is involved, he practically does not care. This is seen when Jung Manchun attacks his lawyer. He stays composed.

This can either mean hes used to violence in court or its his past experience which made him resistant to those kind of actions.

And while he stays composed, something seems to have him on edge. Sometimes it seeks through hes on edge.

He tends to look away when ever Sungjoon tries to lock eyes with him. Either because he wants to remain this mysterious brother, he does not want SJ to see his true self or he is overwhelmed with emotions. Let them be positive or negative ones

At home:

there he ignores SJ yet again.

But the most important line is: „Do you want me to thank you?“ (for SJ protecting SH from getting attacked by JMC). At first it seems like he resents his brother so much he wont even say „thank you“. That hes an egosit, someone self absorbed; but in this case its something more fucked up. The line implies something more dark and sad

Songhoon didnt want anyone to save him in that moment. He wanted tk be saved when he was a kid, now when hes an adult. Saving him was too late. He doesnt feel worthy of being saved anymore.

When Sungjoon says Sunghoon doesnt trust him his facial expression gives so many things away. He wants to trust SJ but he can not. He probably was never able to trust in anyone after the Kinam betrayed him back at the welfare. Sunghoon trust no one, not even humself.

Sunghoon is many things. But lonely the most

#blind 2022 #blind kdrama #blind tvn #tvn blind #ryu sunghoon

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safetycar-restart · 2 years

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okay so i've been thinking of an older one you posted about roommate!charles and i need a continuaion of it! it was SO GOOD i can't even!

Okay so this an AU that I came up with AGES ago, way before this blog was popular so I think most of you probably dont know it, and to be honest I forgot about it until I saw this ask, but it's just SO good so yes absolutely we have to talk about it more.

So here's a brief summary: Charles isnt an F1 driver, he's just a stressed out uni student and you're his roommate. Charles has feelings for you, but he doesnt know if you return them. More importantly, Charles can only manage to function because of the way you help him and direct him.

He wants you to be his Dom so badly, loves every single time you give him direction, like when you suggest what to eat for dinner, tell him that maybe he should stop studying now, maybe he should go to bed now, etc.

But you're just his roommate.

So that's the summary! I do have some more thoughts to add though, and hopefully some of my lovely anons will be inspired by this idea as well.

Firstly, I think you and Charles would quickly end up with cute roommate traditions? Like, once a month you have a movie night together. You also do pancakes for breakfast on Sundays.

And like, you enjoy these traditions of course, love them in fact. But what you dont realise, is that the traditions are pretty much the important thing ever to Charles.

He looks forward to them SO much! Cause that's just your time? No one else. It's just you and him spending time together and Charles loves it so much.

Like maybe one weekend, your brother or friend is staying over and so obviously they stay for pancakes on Sunday and Charles actually goes into something akin to subdrop?

It doesnt make sense, of course, because you aren't his Dom and your Sunday breakfasts together dont have anything to do with a dynamic of any kind.

But he just... he didn't even consider that your guest would stay for pancakes and it put him off quilter for the entire week because he thought it would be just the two of you and then it wasn't. He didnt get the same release he usually does, couldn't relax and follow your orders and ask you to choose what he puts on his pancakes.

Charles tries so hard not to be clingy, you have your own things to do and he, of course, has plenty of his own work too. But he just... he always wants to be with you? And he hates when he cant be.

Of course this isnt great because you're just his roommate, he cant be relying one someone who just sees him as a roommate.

#roommate!charles #roommate!au #sub!charles #cl #gn!reader

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sleepless-rain · 2 years

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Haikyuu radio drama - Track 2 ″Catch Phrase” [TRANSLATION]

I might as well throw them here as an archive.

Karasuno Haikyuu radio club! Original radio drama (script written by Furudate Haruichi!)

[These are fan translations. I do not consent to anyone using them for videos fanclips etc because these will be sold at a later date via CD please support the original by purchasing them when they are released.]

TRANSLATION BELOW CUT

You can listen to it here!

(it starts at 59min 23seconds) Please note that this eventualy gets archived and sold as a CD so the link may not work a few weeks later!

A = Asahi Azumane D = Sawamura Daichi S = Sugawara Koushi K: Shimizu Kiyoko

Asahi: Oh its shimizu, thanks for all your hard work! Daichi: Hey! Suga: Sup! Sup!

Kiyoko: Thanks. Sawamura the submission deadline for the Monthly Volleyball survey is soon. What should we do about this section? D: Oh, was there a section we didnt fill in? K: Look, this one here... S:as it the question of whether youre a cat person or an okapi person? A: What... do you have to pick one of those?

K: The section asking for you teams 'catch phrase' D: Oh! Thats right! Sorry about that.... a catch phrase huh....What should we do...? S: "In this world, its only cats, okapi...and you.Which would you live with?" A:If that were the case then we'd all live together! Why do we have to chose one? I'd feel sorry for them...but based on species id be the one left out... S:But okapi are herbivores...making the cat's terrifying, wouldn't it? It would definitely choose you Asahi! A:..you think so? Do you think I'd be able to live up to the okapi's expectations? S: Keep yourself together!!! You're the only thing the okapi can rely on! D: But if theres only three of you, wouldn't it be an 'eat or be eaten' situation? S: Here comes the wildy realistic Daichi! Wild Daichi are you in the savannah!?! D: I am! A: Huh....well then I'd rather be eaten...

S: Look what you've done, now you made Asahi imagine it and hes all depressed. D: Well, if it came down to me and Kintaro* and only one could live. I'd let him eat me and live on. A: I see...just the two of you... that would be tough.... S: Daichi you seem like youd be pretty filling!! Depending on how you were preserved you could provide meals for two weeks. D: Please avoid placing in direct sunlight and keep in a freezer. K: How about preserving him in salt? A: We dont need to go into the details of preserving!I'll end up imagining it! Ah, how is Kintarou? D: He's doing great! Recently he went and got a shot and he...wait not this- the catch phrase!

S: Hmmm.... D: How about "A highly offensive team"? S:Hmm.... thats so...normal. D: Then what do you suggest? S: Something that scream more... 'now'! "We're aiming for a sustainable and diverse team"! D:I cant agree to something like that. A:..."Compliance." S: "Initiative"! A:"Risque". S: "On time"! K: "Evidence".

D: This isnt an 'all the katakana you know'performance. A: "Commit". Suga/D: ...! K: Are we decided then? Suga/D: "Commit"... D: Wait a second! That's no good! It turning into some kind of commercial!Plus we're practicing read blocking rather than commit blocking at the moment. S: "You read block then commit!" A: That's such a Datekou catch phrase... S: Ughh then let's go with this! "Both heart and soul THROBBING! ASAHI!" D: You always give up so easily... A: Wait...the catchphrase is for the team... D: They're not even together on this one...

K: Azumane, you weigh 76kg. A: Huh...I do. K: "Okapi's weigh 200kg so 300kilograms (all up)". S: "Both hearth and soul are THROBBING! OKAPI!!" K: Alright, it's decided. D: Stop right there. Shimizu you need to stop that. You get carried away with everything with a straight face, it's terrifying sometimes. S: Huh what's with that! I'm confident in my ability to get carried away! D: Don't compete with it! Are you Hinata and Kageyama!?

A: I guess "a highly offensive team" works best. S: Yeah, I guess so. Let's write that in Tagalog. D: Alright, so we've decided on "a highly offensive team". In Japanese.

#haikyuu #haikyuu radio club #leo translation #karasuno third years #kiyoko shimizu #sugawara koushi #sawamura daichi #azumane asahi

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moss-flesh · 2 years

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Hello!! For the OC questions, #2 for Erin and #24 for Adahlen please?

2. Who is your best friend? Tell us about them!

“My best friend? Shit well if I have to choose its Varric, hands down. (Sorry Isabela!) Hes always been there for me, like he is for all of us. He likes to act aloof, but that bastards got a heart bigger than his hairy chest can hold.

I can always rely on him, for the important things and the stupid things. Need advice? Go to Varric. Need to cry? Go to Varric. Need a drink? Off to Varrics. Laugh? Varric. Sometimes you don’t even need to go to him, hes got eyes everywhere and if those eyes see you’re in trouble, he’s on it. He’s annoyingly generous, but makes up for it by being an ass.

Even Carver the little prig warmed up to him. Varric just has a way with people, he understands them, he really does.

If he sees this I won’t hear the end of it so, Varric Tethras this isnt about you its about…. another Varric…”

- Erin Hawke

24. What would you consider your main love language?

“Oh my… Well, I suppose quality time. There’s something very special to me about being around the ones I love.

In my clan I was relatively isolated, mother died giving birth to me, and I had no father that I knew of. My keeper preferred I stay by her side and train with her. Not that the clan was jumping to be around me, but thats another topic entirely. What I mean is, I have never spent much time with others. And at the time I was alright with that.

But since the formation of the Inquisition some of my best memories have been passing the time silently reading in the library with Dorian. Or combat training with Cassandra. Wicked Grace with Varric, Bull, and Sera. Sitting in the courtyard watching Cole as he helps others, sometimes advising him. Long walks in the woods with Solas picking herbs…

I love to give gifts as well. I just get so excited at the idea of finding something special and significant to give another. Or even making something! Once I gave Bull a tiny dragon head I carved from some wood. He appeared to be very pleased, so I kept going. Cassandra got a little book, Sera got a bee, Vivienne a little staff, Leliana got a raven (that was probably the most difficult!) and on and on. Now everyone has a little wooden trinket, I hope they keep them safe!”

- Inquisitor Adahlen Lavellan

#you guyssss this is rlly fun aww #erin hawke #oc: erin hawke #oc: adahlen lavellan #adahlen lavellan #oc questions #oc interview

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oh-my-moomin · 3 years

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NGE: You Deserve Love

This is an analysis based solely on the og NGE anime series and not the movie or rebirth series so I won’t be mentioning those.

NGE is a psychological horror/apocalypse story dressed up as a mecha. This farce is only totally dropped in the last 2, even 3 episodes. This can make the ending jarring and seem in cohesive, but ultimately my understanding is that none of the ‘plot’ really matters. Seele doesn’t matter, where the angels come from doesn’t really matter, and the final battle doesn’t matter. This is a story exploring loss, the need for connection, loneliness, and humanity. We see this through not only the interactions of the human characters but also through the angels.

THE HUMANS

The Children

A defining trait of all the characters is that they are lonely. The isolation from human connection is brought on both by the high stress apocalypse they all live in, as well as the personal demons they face. The characters all attempt to create bonds with other people, but are held back by their insecurities, fear of vulnerability, and past traumas.

Let’s start with Shinji, as the main character. Having lost his mother at a young age, and being abandoned by this father, he was never able to feel secure. Therefore he takes on a people pleaser attitude, constantly apologizing. His want for validation (particularly from adults in his life) causes him to continue to take action that he doesn't want to, including piloting the EVA. His self hate and insecurity makes it hard for him to make and trust his own choices. So he relies on others to guide him. When this fails, when he doesn't get the love and validation he craves he tries to quite entirely. But this often leads to the people he cares about being hurt. He's trapped between a rock and hard place.

Asuka was also abandoned, however rather than craving support like Shinji, she chooses to live for herself. She craves independence. She needs to know that she is no longer a child that can be hurt and vulnerable. This is largely shown through both her overt sexuality, and her piloting the EVA. She must be in control of the EVA, she must have power, she must be able to prove herself as the best, the strongest. Because inside she still feels like that hurt desperate child, and that is what she hates most about herself. Unlike Shinji, Asuka is brash and rude, and she expects others to give her the same. She barks and expects you to bark back, but can’t always handle it.

Both of these characters are constantly looking for connection, with both their peers and adults. While Asuka often pushes herself on to people, out of a need to be seen. Shinji cannot take active moves to make meaningful connections, and will shy away from people trying to connect. Asuka hates herself and needs to prove that others love her. Shinji hates himself and cannot imagine that people love him.

The Adults

One of the running themes in the show is motherhood. Typically it is the mother that is expected to love and care for the child, to raise them, show unconditional love, give unwavering support. None of the characters have had this, Shinji and Asuka search for validation that they lost in adults in different ways. Unfortunately for them, none of the adults present are suitable to be parents.

The show makes a point to show that the adult characters are all more complex than the children. They have lived longer and therefore had more time to make mistakes, to get stuck in toxic ideals, to ‘be problematic’. They are not concretely good or bad people (mostly), but rather the result of people who grew up in a post apocalyptic world, trying desperately to stop the salvage it, while also trying to make their own connections. Like the child characters, their past traumas make it harder for them to be more open, vulnerable, and weak, to form that human connection.

I am going to focus on Misato and Ritsuko, since they act as foils when it comes to human connection.

Misato being left as a lone survivor to a terrible accident has left her scared both physically and mentally. Before this she had issues with her parents, as her father seemed to abandon his family in favour of work, leaving her mother devastated. Misato doesn't want to become like her mother, abandoned by a loved one, and she also doesn't want to be her father, a slave to work. To counter this she looks for easy connections, but she never wants to get too close.

When her relationship with Kaji was beginning to feel too real, she began to find flaws. His resemblance to her father was terrifying, so she broke it off. Similarly, when in scenes with Shinji, talking about his insecurities or his want to give up, she is hidden by shadow. She cannot be seen as weak, she cannot offer comfort, she cannot be a mother figure to Shinji. Other ways her searching for easy connection is her drinking beer, or eating take out. She searches for the most basic ways to fulfill her needs, so that she can focus on her main goal of defeating the angels.

Ritsuko is also desperate to find human connection without vulnerability. By fully closing off the whole world she can have no weakness, something which she resents in Misato. She views herself as above the need for connection in that way, and would rather follow in her mothers foot footsteps as a scientist and a woman.

She loved and admired her mother, and hated her. She wants to follow in her footsteps but also would hate to fail in the same ways. She saw how her mother failed to actually mother her, and chose to completely reject that part of herself. Instead she cares for cats, and uses those as a surrogate to having a child. She continues her mothers work as a scientist, constantly striving to improve. And when it comes to the ‘woman’ that her mother was, she knew a stubborn woman who focused solely on one man. So Ritsuko also focused on him, to the point of giving up her cat to her grandmother. Both women tried to create an easy connection with him, both felt that they were his equal, and that they found the one connection that mattered. When it was proven to them that they were a second (third) woman this caused them both to break down. For Ritsuko this meant that even though she closed off the whole world, except for one man, she was still too vulnerable. And her only response was to completely shut down. Because she had no one else.

All of the characters are constantly searching for this connection, trying to show affection without getting hurt. Trying to make sense of the end of the world while also making sense of interpersonal relationships. Their own inner demons getting in the way of honest connection.

Rei

As a clone Rei is a particular case. She is aware that she is not a ‘person’, she isnt meant for human connection. Her isolation is so ingrained into her, planned before she is even ‘born’ so she feels no need to care for anyone except Ikari. She latches onto him, would do anything for him, and has no value in her life because she is aware that she is not real.

However, she still has a human source, Shinjis mother. A human person, who also needed human connection. Rei, when given the chance, does care for people. Shinji is the first person to see her as a peer, and to treat her with kindness. With this start of forming connections, she begins to feel more human, to develop a further need to connect. Even if it's hard to fully separate from the man who created her.

THE ANGELS

The angels act as a foil to the human need for connection. While all of the human characters are lonely and searching for connection with each other, the angels are also lonely and trying to learn what that even means.

There is no scene where the angels are working together, they are solitary, all having the same goal of reaching Adam, but incapable of planning together to achieve it. They instead try to create connection to humans, trying to bond and understand them, without knowing that their methods are harmful.

I believe this can be first seen with the 12th angel. When Shinji is absorbed into the EVA, it is safe to say that the angel was able to understand the merging of human and EVA. This connection allowed Shinji to control the EVA to break free of the angel's shadow. The following month where Shinji is trapped within his EVA, is our first insight into what the human instrumentality project will be like, as well as the goals of the angels.

Since angels cannot connect to each other, the 15th angel attempts to create connection by forcing itself into Asukas mind. It wants to understand her, her emotions, her thoughts, her connections, her love. For her this is a painful experience, akin to rape. She feels dirtied after it. But the attack is a beam of light, with holy music playing, what should be a calming experience. I believe it is fair to say that the angel cannot understand that it is putting her through pain, as it cannot understand any human experiences. Angels are incapable of understanding their own feelings/experiences/wants, and try to use humans as a study from which they can learn.

The following angel confronts Rei about her loneliness. Instead of breaking into her mind through light, it directly entered her body. While talking with her, it questioned what loneliness was, trying to understand its own pain and isolation through understanding hers. Its solution is to merge with Rei, as it believes this would solve both problems.

However, when she refuses, the angel then tries to find another source of connection. Rei cares about Shinji, as both a clone of his mother, and a friend as her own person. The angel can see that this connection is something that she finds precious and tries to take it for itself, as it cannot understand why Shinji wouldn’t feel the same. It cannot understand how complex human connections are, that it cannot simply take Reis form. However, it has learned what pain is, and how to communicate its own pain. As seen when Shinji attacks it. Whether this pain is physical or emotional doesn't matter, because it is the first pain that the angel could express.

The angels discovering what loneliness is acts as a way for the human pilots to begin to explore their own isolation in more depth. For better or worse.

THE FINAL MESSENGER

Our introduction to the final angel is him singing. He takes a human form, can fully communicate to other humans, and doesn’t immediately attack them. This is such a contrast to all other angels that it isn't immediately clear that he even is an angel. Kaworu's first words are (as per the netflix english subtitles)

“Arent songs great? Songs enrich the heart. They're the crowning achievement of Lilin culture”

He loves humans, human culture, human lives, and the human world. He is the first angel who is able to show this. His ability to understand humans allows him to form human connections, and he does so with Shinji.

Kaworu loved Shinji. He would seek out Shinji, take time to bond and communicate with him, and help Shinji open up. He wanted to be close with Shinji, and knew how to be gentle in ways that no other human or angel could. He was patient, because he had time. And Shinji was able to open up to him more than with any other character. Shinji was able to take the initiative to ask to stay with him, to try and form that connection.

All the human characters are struggling with their own demons, with an apocalyptic world. The whole earth is at war and Shinji is in the front lines, surrounded by adults who may want to help him but ultimately can't. Saving everyone is a higher priority to saving one kid, especially when that kid is your strongest soldier. Throughout the series Shinji is given conditional love. It is only when he pilots the EVA, defeats the angels and saves the day that people give him validation. Then comes this boy, who is gentle and kind, who listens. And it's easy, its comfort, its understanding and unconditional love, and its exactly what Shinji has needed for the whole series.

But as a messenger he could never stay, he's temporary and by the end of the episode he understands this. He still is driven to ‘Adam’, he has a mission, but instead he is confronted with Lilith. Kaworu understands that humans and angels cannot live together in harmony, only one can survive. Both Adam and Litlith were made in god's image, but only Adam could stay in the garden of Eden. Death and Life hold equal value to Kaworu, so he doesn't mind the sacrifice, he would rather die to protect humans, to protect Shinji. He can also understand that this is difficult, this is murder, this is killing a friend. So he says “thank you” and he waits.

In other episodes when in a battle, Shinji is constantly being yelled at, told what to do, under constant pressure. But here there is just the same patient understanding that Kaworu has always shown him. No rush for him to take action, just time to process and grieve. Because Kaworu knows Shinji will make the hard choice and he waits, and he smiles, and he continues to love Shinji.

The final angel came down as a messenger and said

“You are important.

I want to talk to you, to know you.

You are in pain, you are fragile and should be protected.

You are worthy of my affection.

I like you. I love you. I was born just so that I could meet you.

Our kind cannot survive together, one of us must die. And you deserve to live.

I will take this burden of death because you deserve a future.

I am glad I could meet you, thank you.

I know this is hard, and I know you need time. I will wait.

Thank you.”

That was the last message to humanity.

And because Shinji is human he says back

“We are the same. I love you too. If only one of us could have lived it should have been you. You are better than me. You should have survived.”

#nge #neon genesis evangelion #shinji ikari #nge analysis #asuka langley sohryu #misato katsuragi #rei ayanami #ritsuko akagi #gendo ikari #kaworu nagisa

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enderspawn · 3 years

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in short my thoughts are:

- techno is a good foil to dream but no where near as bad as him. yes, he is not being fully honest with tommy but he isnt being dream. that motherfucker can still burn

- techno and dream are foils. they are very similar-- both want a government-less server where everyone simply lives together and both of them believe that the end justifies the means. they dont care if they become hated as long as it means that they achieve their goals for everyone else.

the DIFFERENCE between them is techno still cares. dream has given up caring. he persues his goal because its what he has left. techno does what he does out of a care for other people. he wants to abolish the government because it only hurts those he cares about. if it didnt, he wouldnt give a shit one way or the other. dream still would.

- he is trying to push tommy from tubbo. we dont know if hes actively doing so to make tommy more likely to agree with his anarchic ideals or if he is doing it because he cares about tommy and genuinely believes tubbo is bad for him.

i (partially bc im a techno apologist lmao) lean a little more towards him trying to protect tommy. hes subtle about it. he pokes holes in tommy’s thoughts based on what he knows, just like he does with dream. he’s not telling tommy how to feel, he’s stating what he knows about the situation. could it still be intentional? sure. but its something to consider

- techno knows what its like to be used and he hates it. he was used with pogtopia’s revolution and lied to so that someone else could achieve their goals. we seem him doing very close to the same thing now, but with tommy. he’s keeping his true intentions hidden from tommy for... what? to use him?? i don’t know. i could see him refusing to use others in that way, but i could also see him being vengeful and using tommy in the same way to prove a point.

- techno knows he owes dream a debt. dream saved his life (thru the totem AND the items/escape route). he believes in absolute reciprocity. an eye for an eye. its possible this could mean a life for a life. we don’t know. but thats his ideals anyway

- like i said above, techno knows he isnt a good guy. he isnt a hero, he just does what he does. hes bloodthirsty and believes in taking it out on people who’ve wronged him (see: the new wither vault) but he still CARES. where he goes and what he does now really relies on him choosing the people he cares about over his ideals.

/dsmp /roleplay

#text #this isnt my full Thoughts and its p rambly but idk #techno is such an interesting morally grey character to me #hes on a line rn and he could go full villian or antihero rn #dream smp #mcyt #technoblade #techno #i have So Many Thoughts about this man #also i could go more in depth w c!dream but i didnt Want To fjdksl

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cassyapper · 3 years

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jotaro kujo song analysis: “eight” by sleeping at last

i could not figure out what the fuck to title this for a long time. please forgive me ik it’s awkward but it’s the best i got

anyway the song “eight” by sleeping at last made me mentally ill so let’s get into why <3

here’s a link to the song: https://youtu.be/obi4KCh6eHQ

here’s a link to the lyrics i referenced: https://genius.com/Sleeping-at-last-eight-lyrics

be warned there are part 3, part 4, part 5, and part 6 spoilers in this

with that let’s begin.

“I remember the minute;/it was like a switch was flipped --/i was just a kid who grew up strong enough/to pick this armor up,/and suddenly it fit” Lengthy first line to start this on i know but cutting it up didn’t make sense so please forgive me… Alright let’s get to the meat of this hm? This line is about when jotaro first manifested star platinum. “I remember the minute, it was like a switch was flipped” fits perfectly with how suddenly and obviously star platinum became known to its user, as jotaro first manifests it when he’s in the middle of a fight, a fight star platinum ends very quickly and brutally. The “i was just a kid who grew up strong enough to pick this armor up” is about jotaro having the willpower to control a stand such as star platinum and not get ill over it. He “grew up strong enough to pick this armor up”, this armor being star platinum (which, yes, star platinum is armor more than a weapon because its strength is used to protect. This is stated explicitly in the jin hashimoto song “star platinum” which was written specifically with jotaro/star platinum in mind, as the title suggests). It also shows how young jotaro was re the “kid” description; he was only 17, the youngest jojo up to that point. the “and suddenly it fit” also mixes with how suddenly star platinum manifested, particularly how jotaro gained passable control over it very quickly

“God, that was so long ago, long ago, long ago…/I was little, I was weak, I was perfectly naive,/and I grew up too quick.” Another long line im sorry it just doesnt make sense to cut it up 😭 Anyway this is part 6 jotaro reflecting on his past self, PARTICULARLY part 3 jotaro, which explains the “god, that was so long ago, long ago, long ago…” segment “I was little, i was weak, i was perfectly naive” is kinda gold coming from part 6 jotaro cause end of part 3 jotaro is canonically when he’s at his strongest but i dont think part 6 jotaro is talking about star platinum in this line. He’s talking about jotaro being tactless and rude and pushing away his loved aways in a disillusioned attempt to keep them safe. By part 6, jotaro has to have known his coping mechanism of self-imposed isolation wasnt fair to his loved ones/himself and it clearly didnt WORK as evidenced by jolyne’s situation, so he’s cursing his younger self for it here. Hence, the calling of part 3 jotaro “little, weak, perfectly naive.” part 3 jotaro starts making the bed that part 6 jotaro ends up having to lay in and he hates him for it. The “and I grew up too quick” part is jotaro acknowledging his trauma. Even before part 3 started jotaro clearly had issues and they just kept building and building and building from part 3 and on. Combined with his self-imposed isolation, jotaro had to grow up quick to survive, and this line is part 6 jotaro reflecting on that

“Now you won’t see all that i have to lose,/all i’ve lost in the fight to protect it.” Remember the self-imposed isolation i mentioned in the last line? This line is about why jotaro does that. He hates being vulnerable. He hates relying on others. We only see him comfortable trusting others to take care of things ONCE the entire series, during the steely dan arc, when he believes in kakyoin’s abilities to keep joseph safe and get the lovers out of him safely. ONCE out of the four parts he’s featured in, out of the three he’s prominent in. jotaro does this, as i previously mentioned, out of a disillusioned attempt to keep those he loves safe, hence the “now you won’t see all that i have to lose” line. This behavior is solidified in jotaro at the end of stardust crusaders, when the two final times he tried to trust that others would handle it resulted in the deaths of over of half those he cared the most about (he may have gotten joseph back, but don’t forget that joseph did actually die). Thus, this decisive night ties into the “all i’ve lost in the fight to protect it” line. He’s lost loved ones but he won’t lose them again, not in the same way at least. Ironically, the self-imposed isolation only puts his loved ones and himself in danger, but i can get into that later.

“I won’t let you in, i swore never again --/i can’t afford, no, i refuse to be rejected” This line kinda ties back with what i was mentioning in the last line, but it hones it a bit more on jotaro’s complete denial of being vulnerable rather than how he acts to ensure he isnt such. “I wont let you in, i swore never again” is a direct tie-in for how jotaro feels after stardust crusaders; he is never going to get as close to anyone or anything the way he was close to the crusaders ever again. Nothing is ever going to matter to him the same way and he is going to make sure of that, as the “swore never again” implies, because he is certain, at least at first, that this will keep others safe. The “i can’t afford, no, i refuse to be rejected” part goes into how selfish and arrogant jotaro’s mentality is. Don’t get me wrong, jotaro’s self-imposed isolation can be seen as selfless, especially because the main driving force behind it is to keep others safe -- but it’s not the only force driving it. Like i said, jotaro doesn’t want to be vulnerable, and to be sure he doesnt feel that way, he needs to ensure he won’t be hurt. Can’t be sad when people die if you were never close to them, right? So as much as it is to protect others, he also is protecting himself by closing off from others. It’s also arrogant of jotaro to assume he is the deciding factor of who lives and dies, that he gets to choose/manipulate the cycle of life and death by deciding on if he opens up to others. Jotaro had this mentality of being a “deciding factor” shoved into his head during the journey to egypt, and that kinda warps his worldview as a result; everything must be his fault. Things go bad surely because he let them somehow. And it’s not jotaro’s fault he’s ill in the head like this but it is still arrogant, and the “i can’t afford, no, i refuse to be rejected” line attests to this.

“I want to break these bones until theyre better/i want to break them right and feel alive” Oh jotaro you have the shittiest fuckign coping mechanisms Alright. “I want to break these bones until theyre better” ties into jotaro throwing himself into dangerous situations alone. He’s just so so damn convinced he can handle everything himself -- bc again, he is led to believe he is the deciding factor of life and death -- he just has to try. If things go wrong, it’s bc he didn’t try hard enough, hence the “break these bones until theyre better”; jotaro will hurt himself and will be convinced he deserved it until he “learns” how to be perfect like he’s “supposed” to be. But being perfect isnt something you can learn, you mentally ill motherfucker jotaro. anyway “I want to break them right and feel alive” ties into the fact jotaro would rather break his body over and over and over rather than tell his loved ones he cares. The only right way to be hurt to him is taking a hit that was meant for those he loves. Jotaro is very much a man of action rather than a man of word, and this line is about his rather unique way of acting (that is, getting beat the fuck up over and over) Basically jotaro can’t tell the people he loves that he, well, loves them, unless he is literally dying. Examples of what i mean: jotaro preferred going on a perilous, 50-day journey to just telling holly he loved her; jotaro preferred getting beat over the head with a rock in the lovers arc rather than risk hurting joseph; jotaro preferred to literally get blown up by sheer heart attack rather than tell koichi to his face he is a good kid; jotaro stepped knowingly into a trap for jolyne and had to literally believe he was in fact saying his last words before he uttered “i’ve always cherished you.”

“You were wrong, you were wrong, you were wrong --/my healing needed more than time” Oh my GODDDddDDDdcdd im sobbing as i type jotaro your head is so so damn ill Okay so i see him spitting this line towards joseph. Let me explain Joseph would no doubt pick up on jotaro’s ptsd and he’ll do his best to console jotaro over the deaths of their friends. But see joseph is ALSO an ill in the head idiot whose idea of therapy is electroshock and who calls ptsd “shell shock”. So all he can offer to jotaro is “youll feel better in time” because that was kinda true for him; he managed to move on in time. What joseph fails to realize is what made him feel better was not time, but the support of those remaining in his life (lisa lisa, suziq, erina, smokey). But jotaro listens and tries to give it time but the thing with jotaro is he just gets worse and worse as time wears on because he deliberately cut himself off from anyone who could console him (as well as got continually traumatized throughout his life), so time never helped but actually made things worse. Thus jotaro spitting “you were wrong, you were wrong, you were wrong, my healing needed more than time”. In terms of timeline, probably happens right after part 5 jotaro stares longingly at the crusaders picture

“When i see fragile things, helpless things, broken things/i see the familiar” Im sorry every new line i start to analyze i begin crying so im just letting you all know incase the coherency takes a dip (as if this was coherent in the first place lmfao) Anyway so this line in relation to Jotaro is about how he projects HARD on the new generation. We see this w his interactions w josuke and koichi, the “fragile things” (there is no way he didnt see koichi as a filler for kakyoin im sorry. Also he just wants josuke safe with his friends like how he wished he was safe with his own friends as a teenager), how he was wary of giorno, “the helpless things” (jotaro is scared he’ll be similar to his dad, just like jotaro is similar enough to dio to share the same stand power…), and his interactions w jolyne, “the broken things” (angry teen in a prison? Come now).

“I was little, i was weak, i was perfect too/now i’m a broken mirror” Throwback to the second line. Once again part 6 jotaro is reflecting but the difference here is that part 3 was when jotaro was last unashamedly happy, but more than that, part 3 jotaro was on his way to healing before everything went to shit. like i mentioned earlier, jotaro only relies on someone else completely once, and that happens in part 3. Jotaro is finally able to trust in someone else’s capabilities, which is what he needed to do before he could allow anyone to help him with the weight of the world on his shoulders. Hence, why part 6 jotaro would describe him as “perfect”; because he would’ve been perfect enough if he could just trust in others like that again But as the line suggests, that went wrong. Jotaro is now a “broken mirror,” which alludes to the fact that while he projects onto the kids, the kids (the ones that know him at least) project onto him as well, especially jolyne, because in part 6 she finally figures out her dad’s thought processes, as she is experiencing those patterns of thinking too. Jotaro is a role model for them in the sense of “see him? Do the opposite of what he did” KJ;DNJ;DN;SN

“But i can’t let you see all that i have to lose/all that i’ve lost in the fight to protect it” Same meaning as before mostly but the repetition is important me thinks because it mimics jotaro like frantically trying to remind himself why he must be distant when all he wanted to do was go home to jolyne and be her father

“I can’t let you in --/ i swore never again,/ i can’t afford to let myself be blindsided” This means roughly the same thing as the previous line that’s similar to this, but the “i can’t afford to let myself be blindsided” is less about jotaro’s selfishness/arrogance and more about how he believes enemies will use his loved ones against him and how goddamn, it would work, it would work so well because jotaro loves so, so damn much It’s a shame distancing himself didn’t work the way he wanted it to and ended up making his loved ones even more vulnerable than they would have been otherwise

“I’m standing guard,/i’m falling apart/and all i want to do is to trust you” (Begins screaming and doesn’t stop) okay so this line is about jotaro and jolyne during the beginning of stone ocean “Im standing guard” alludes to the fact that jotaro is still desperately trying to appear distant and uninterested even as he attempts to break his fucking daughter out of prison “I’m falling apart” ties into jotaro failing miserably at remaining cold towards jolyne, how he eventually caves in and tells her he loves her in addition to taking a literal bullet for her, using time stop to ensure he can make it to her to do so. and also this line ties into how he is literally physically shot and how his memories and stand are taken from him “And all i want to do is to trust you” is directed towards jolyne of course. God his whole “i’ve always cherished you” ties in with this line; like i mentioned earlier, jotaro by part 6 knows his self-imposed isolation is useless, but old habits die hard and also he was in very deep by the time he accepted there was no reason to go in the first place at all. So he doesn’t know how to change, he doesn’t know how to trust jolyne, it’d been 20ish years since he last trusted someone completely, but god he wants to. He wants to trust her. It’s all he wants to do hence this line

“Show me how to lay my sword down/for long enough to let you through” So continuing from the last line, jotaro just wants to let jolyne in. he wants to learn how to do that. I think this line is actually directed towards his younger self; 17 year old jotaro managed to let in a person once, after all (more than one person in fact, but all the crusaders). This would also make more sense w my interpretation of how part 6 jotaro calls part 3 jotaro “perfect” in this regard Essentially it’s jotaro thumbing through his memories to figure out how his past self gathered the security to trust in someone else wholeheartedly...which makes the fact that pucci steals his memories particularly fucked up in this context

“Here i am, pry me open/what do you want to know?” Another line directed toward jolyne. “Here i am, pry me open” refers to how after jotaro tells jolyne he cherishes her, all cards are on the table. He’s shown vulnerability, might as well go full throttle. So, he’s willing to talk to jolyne for the first time ever, especially because she’s a stand user now “What do you want to know?” ties into jotaro being willing to open up, but also the fact that jolyne doesnt really know her dad ):

“I’m just a kid who grew up scared enough/to hold the door shut/and bury my innocence” Hhnghg begins wailing this line is again about post-egypt jotaro. A lot of jotaro’s like...emotional maturation (and even some physical) occurred during the trip to egypt and immediately afterward. he’s in pain and desperately trying to rationalize a way he can be in control of never letting something like what happened in egypt happen again, hence the “im just a kid who grew up scared enough” “To hold the door shut” refers to how jotaro cut off other people, even the people who used to know him very well, like joseph and polnareff and holly “And bury my innocence” i mentioned this in another line but this bit also refers to how jotaro had to grow up quickly to survive, considering his self-imposed isolation and his life path of chasing down dio’s remnants

“But here’s a map, here’s a shovel/here’s my Achilles’ heel” This line is SUPPOSED to be directed toward jolyne but inadvertently it is also directed toward pucci. When jotaro says fuck it and gives up on his pretense of disinterest in jolyne, finally letting her know he loves her, he’s finally building the frame of a bridge to jolyne; he’s ready to do what he’s wanted to for so long, no matter how vulnerable it makes him, and that is to be jolyne’s father. However, pucci takes note of this; he knows to aim for jolyne in the final battle because of jotaro’s earlier actions when he tries breaking jolyne out of prison. It really is a shame how the narrative keeps fucking enforcing jotaro’s shitty self-imposed isolation

“I’m all in, palms out, i’m at your mercy now and i’m ready to begin/i am strong, i am strong, i am strong enough to let you in” Hmm i imagine this line being when jotaro meets back up with jolyne after he gets his memory disk back. The first thing he does is hug her and cradle her close to him, showing off to the world, right in front of pucci, how much his daughter means to him. But jotaro, at least for the moment, is not scared to be vulnerable anymore. Ever since he decided to give up his cold facade, he was ready to let jolyne in, and he finally has the chance to do that at least a little right before the final battle, which is what this line is about

“I’ll shake the ground with all my might/i will pull my whole heart up to the surface” Final battle in stone ocean,,, What the “i’ll shake the ground will all my might” line refers to is jotaro’s willingness to use star platinum the world during the battle. He’s ready to go all in to save the world, and most importantly, save jolyne, even if he has to use the source of his greatest trauma to do it. Jotaro’s a key player and he knows it, has known it for a long time, and this time he’s going to use that for his happy ending. And well, as i mentioned in the last line, jotaro’s done with the self-isolation and throws himself into the role of jolyne’s father, at least as much as he has the right to throw himself into. This is mostly what the “i will pull my whole heart up to the surface” line refers to

“For the innocent, for the vulnerable/i’ll show up to the frontlines with a purpose” More stone ocean final battle. The “innocent and vulnerable” jotaro is showing up for are jolyne, namely, but also hermes and emporio, and beyond that, the world. Jotaro understands how serious this is and he’s always been a force meant for protection, so he is here to do just that, which is what the “i’ll show up to the frontlines with a purpose” line refers to. Jotaro doesnt believe he’s a good person -- and he might not be, in the grand scheme of things -- but he does fight for what he believes is right, he always has, he mentions this way back in stardust crusaders during his fight with kakyoin. He’s never going to let injustice stand, especially not when he knows he’s such a key player

“And i’ll give all i have, i’ll give my blood, give my sweat --/an ocean of tears will spill for what is broken” This line actually applies to all the “final battles” jotaro has been involved in; part 3, part 4, and part 6. Jotaro, as i mentioned in the last line, has a strong sense of justice and is a force that first and foremost tries to protect, which the “i’ll give all i have, i’’l give my blood, give my sweat” part of this line refers to. Jotaro gives his all, has given his all, to rid the world of dio’s influence, he ruined his entire fucking life to do so, and this line gives credence to that. “An ocean of tears will spill for what is broken” refers to jotaro mourning all the what-ifs in his life, which are all tied with how the outcomes of these final battles go. If part 3 didnt end the way it did, jotaro would know how to trust still, he wouldve been happy even, maybe he wouldnt have had to sacrifice the rest of his life to dio; if part 4 didn’t end the way it did, maybe jotaro couldve gone home to his daughter, maybe he couldve been a bit of a better dad (this is because kids were involved in part 4 even if they didn’t try to because stand users attract stand users, and jotaro couldnt risk doing that to his daughter, so he ends up never coming home); and now for part 6, jotaro hopes that if it ends just a little better than the previous two, jotaro could at least died a satisfying death of sacrificing himself for jolyne, or maybe even got a chance to try mending his relationship with jolyne if they both survive

“I’m shattered porcelain, glued back together again” So this line speaks to both physical and emotional states Jotaro was physically “shattered porcelain” when he lost his stand and memory and also was shot, and he was “glued back together again” when he got medical attention and jolyne got back his disks Jotaro was emotionally “shattered porcelain” due to the fact he couldnt trust anyone completely since he was 17 goddamn years old but he’s “glued back together again” in the sense he’s ready to finally, finally try and be vulnerable in order to save his relationship with jolyne

“Invincible like i’ve never been” This line hurts so fucking much because i believe jotaro was optimistic, all things considered, at the beginning of the final fight in stone ocean. After all, he knows he’s an important figure in all this, he has his stand disk and memories back, he and jolyne and the others have a plan, and he has a future he wants to fight for in addition to the world’s continued functioning So he feels “invincible” like he’s never felt before because not even during the part 3 final battle with dio did he have the hope for the future he has now. But then. Then pucci brings out the knives. And the man who could control time never had enough in the end. He dies and cant even save jolyne with his death. The world ends. He failed. I think this is perfectly represented with how suddenly the song ends. It just perfectly encapsulates the tragedy that is jotaro kujo and i cant stop fucking thinking about it

thanks for reading all this if you did. jotaro kujo makes me feel mentally ill

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dapper-nahrwhale · 3 years

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Bloodkeep (especially Maggie or efink or Marcus or Lilith or leiland...or you know what u get the point)

So I got alot of Thoughts abt all these amazing pcs and I've actually got in the works a bunch of character studies kinda, about each pc and all. Very fun stuff.

-Efink always needed other people to tell her they loved her, so that she could feel loved. Validation, something she had never received from her dad, from anyone. She fell in love with people so easily, too quickly and too strongly. She was never very good at being in love with people though. Once they realized just how self absorbed, how clingy, how desperate she was, they always left. But when percival told her that he loved her, and then he stayed. He was somewhere in line for the throne, but at the time she didnt care much. She just wanted to be loved, so she could feel like maybe she was worth something, anything. It's why she relied so much on her oracular skills, to know shes going ok, to know that people like her, to know that shes wanted. Shes needed that constant stream of validation like a fish needs water. Now, she doesnt. Her friends made her realize that. And while it's nice to get compliments and all, but now she knows for certain that shes loved, that shes wanted, that shes okay. And now, for the first time in her eternal life, shes happy with herself. She knows that shes enough.

-Leiland was used to being the last picked, the second, third choice, the least likely option. He's was in last place. And he'd always be in last. He'd always be like this. The undesired. The unwanted. So to feel wanted, for the first time in forever, was apart of it. The other was he wanted to see his family pay.

And then he was in second place to maggie... not that he was ever really in the running for first. Not like he ever would be. He was the last one. An afterthought at most. He would always be in last place compared to everyone else. No one would ever choose him.

Then, Maggie did. She chose him, his name for her child. And then leiland junior chose him too, as his right hand. And later he realized the rest if them choose him as well. They chose to keep him around, they chose to be friends with him. They all choose for him to be with then till the end. And he chose them as well.

-Maggie knows shes more than just who her dad or boyfriend is. She knows that. But sometimes it's just hard for other people to see that too. Shes strong. She isnt afraid of Zaul'nazh. She just doesnt want to talk about it with him right now. Shes not scared that he could just be using her for her power and father's connection shes not. She knows they're still in love. She knows. They have to be. Otherwise, she wouldnt be putting up with half the stuff he does.

But this tenuous love is feeling more and more like a obligation for him than a conscious choice.

Maggie has never had the chance to just be her own person, its always been about her dad or her boyfriend or the other generals or anything else. And maybe its selfish to want to do her own thing but who cares if it is or not because she deserves it. To have something entirely her own, to be someone entirely her own. And its wonderful.

-Markus never thought much about what to do next, after he killed his brother and took the throne. His plan had been step 1: kill tavian, step 2: take the throne. At the time he had made the flimsy plan, hed had his gold, his ship, his crew. Now he doesnt have any of that. But he still has the other lieutenants. And John Feathers. Maybe this would be a new start for him, maybe it wont. But whatever he does he knows the others will have his back and he'll have theirs. It's nice to have a crew he can count on again.

-Lilith has been around since the start of time. Shes an old soul, shes seen the start of the universe, she'll be here to see the end of it too. Shes gone through so many metamorphosis's, this ones just another change that wont matter in a few centuries. At least that's what she thought before. Before she was elected regent queen of bloodkeep. Before the others decided to care about one another, before she decided she cares. Well, shes always cared about her wonderful special children, they are her entire world. And now the generals are in that world too. And now she can help make a world where all of them can be in.

-Sokhbarr has always been an outcast. And hes always been fine with him, honestly. If other people couldnt see the majesty of these endangered bizarre creatures, well that's their problem. Hes always loved things that were a little odd and unique. But then people started to hate those creatures, that had dont nothing to them but exist. Now that kind of hatred was uncalled for. Sure, some if them were killers, and yeah alot of them would chase out villagers and maybe eat a few. But they were only protecting themselves. It's just in their nature to fight, to survive. To do whatever it takes to keep on going. And it was in his nature to protect them. And now it was his nature to protect his fellow generals too.

(Oops accidentally wrote almost 1k of eftbk stuff, if I can edit it all I'll actually post it on ao3 too yay)

Send some asks about bloodkeep becaus i love talking about this!

#eftb #eftbk #escape from the bloodkeep #dimension 20 #d20 #my writing #ask thing #@collectoroflovelythings #collecteroflovelythings #thx for the ask i love talking abt bloodkeep ahahahahaaaa #might actually post this on ao3 once i edit it some cuz... eftb needs more fic yall #my writing stuff #lea rambles

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acotar-shit-thoughts · 3 years

Text

MY RE-WRITING PARTS OF THE ACOTAR SERIES

*some acosf spoilers thrown in because i realize that SJM is writing a story so far removed from what i thought the story should go*

*a bit rant-y but i think this would have made the story more compelling*

i still think elain should have died in the cauldron back in ACOMAF and in my logic this would set of a story that will definitely heal and see powerful women who didn’t have power before be able to weld and rise up.

- nesta and feyre is over protective of elain and would do anything for her (and quite frankly elain’s personality is almost none existent. nesta and feyre are fantastic juxtapositions of one another and can carry themselves well)

- killing elain in the cauldron would up the stakes for both feyre and nesta (instead of making the only thing interesting about elain being likeable, gardening, azriel/lucien ships, pretty and agreeable, and bouncing back and forth between sisters)

- therefore forcing them to work together; push aside their personal bad blood for one another in the name of avenging elain

- through that process of strategizing and learning about fae and their own abilities (feyre’s high lord powers and nesta’s power she stole from the cauldron) they learn to appreciate one another. (and since this is a love story, nesta can still train with cassian but it would be BECAUSE SHE ASKED TO BE TRAINED instead of being forced to)

- they would eventually HAVE to confront their deep personal relationship to one another and move pass their old pains (INSTEAD OF MAKING FEYRE ALMOST DIE FROM SOMETHING THAT SHOULDN’T BE AN ISSUE OR ANY OF THE SPITEFUL SHIT THAT HAPPENS IN ACOSF)

- we learn about their family and their dynamics and how they can agree that their father is trash and even talk about the pain their mother gave (where BOTH SISTERS WILL HAVE AN APPRECIATION OF EACH OTHER AND MAKE SURE WHEN THEY HAVE FAMILIES OF THEIR OWN THEY WON’T TREAT THEIR KIDS THE SAME WAY AND EVEN HELPING HUMAN FAMILIES WHO STRUGGLED LIKE THEM)

- no locking anyone up!!!! the self sabotage of nesta won’t happen because she will put her energy into avenging elain; thus fighting for a bigger cause than herself and make her actually use the power she stole. SHE WOULD HAVE AGENCY. NO RELYING ON THE DRINKING/SEX BECAUSE OF PAIN TROPE. NO RHYSAND BEING A FUCKEN DICK AND EVERYONE SHIT TALKING TO NESTA. they can still have that disagreeable dynamic, whatever but rhysand being over protective and everyone else ganging up on her was disgusting and she did not deserve that.

- WE WILL SEE THEM BECOME LEADERS -- they will lead the strategy along w the IC; we will see them lead with the other high lords, we will see them convince the humans. we got glimpses of that in ACOWAR! SJM writes girlbosses which is just *rolls eyes*. lets let these ladies actually LEAD. let them actually have power instead of writing lip service for that. or taking their fucken power away for the drama. (WTF WAS THE FEYRE CAN’T HEAL BULLSHIT?? WHY STIFLE FEYRE WHEN SJM BUILT HER UP IN THE LAST FOUR FUCKEN BOOKS TO BE THIS POWERFUL FIGURE BUT LIKE GIVING BIRTH, A NATURAL THING THAT FEMALES CAN DO, IS GONNA KILL HER AND MAKE HER THE MOST VULNERABLE SHES EVER BEEN AND MAKE RHYSAND LOOK LIKE A SHIT PARTNER CUZ HE REFUSE TO TELL HER ABOUT HER RISKS. JUST FOR THE DRAMA I GUESS???)

- when war is fought and lost; we see them stand together to become the new leaders of the new world. the wall is gone and hybern is killed. again, we got a glimpse of that in ACOWAR at the end. there should have been a moment when fayre confronts tamlin and TALK to him. they seemed so poised to be LEADERS. new leadership because the old high lords are garbage and they fucked up so many times. introduce new policies, introduce new trade deals, beef up economies (esp since this is hyberns main reason to high up prythian), etcetc.

- feyre can work on leading night court as a high lady along with leading the rebuild of spring court (since she fucken wrecked it, displaced all the citizens, and took it from tamlin. feyre also knows about spring court’s rebuilding effort and how the tilthe isn’t it. she even said that tamlin should not make ppl bring useless things because they have so many things. the water folks dont have fish and that tamlin should have helped them hunt for fish or whatever instead of punishing them) and the new laws and policies for humans (can be intigration?? rhys and feyre talked about human refugees??? where did that talk go??). we can actually see feyre be a HIGH lady instead of her spending her days shopping and decorating and breeding (WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT WOULD HAPPEN WITH TAMLIN and we saw that as a bad thing!!! why spend 600 goddamn pages talking about not being that to turn 180 and be exactly that????)

- feyre’s reason for fighting has also been to the benefit of the human realm. the fact that she kind of said fuck it as the books progressed to where nesta or elain are the ambassador to the human realm felt so wrong because being human once was what was special about feyre. that was her north star. her whole heartedly identifying fae is wrong (maybe this is my theory about ACOTAR being a tragedy comes in).

- nesta would finally be an actual queen. you can’t tell me with all the mentions of nesta having queen energy is gonna translate to whatever the fuck it was in ACOSF??? nesta would get leadership experience. she would have purpose! she might even be able to envision of brighter future and fight to not let something like hybern happen again. protect those who can’t be protected? protect those who see the light in the world the way elain did?? maybe even her power can protect the cauldron and she could be a guardian or something??

- this is where i venture off; after the war, feyre leads the rebuild in prythian. nesta can lead the effort in hybern (AGAIN NO LOCKING UP!!! NO TAKING TIPS FROM TAMLIN’S HANDBOOK. NO FORCING HER AGAINST HER WILL!!!). she could rebuild it in a new name and face. her book could focus on her learning about her power; learning about how to please the hybern folks who dont like her (and i like that nesta isnt a likeable person from the start unless you are someone like meeeee). imagine seeing her ACTUALLY make her own friends and have her own inner circle??? imagine her making new friends and helping others. imagine her ruling??? making policys and laws?? imagine her going to different courts to do economic trades and deals?? she would channel her energy into something HELPFUL AND IMPACTFUL. she can still dance and do the big ball stuff. she can host she can feel like shes in control and maybe even channeling her guilt into something that is systematically helpful.

- along w this, cassian would be able to leave night court. he has been side line for so long. hes a buffer between mor and az and thats unfair to him. hes his own person and shouldnt be deligated to that task. he would have to actively choose nesta, which he wasn’t doing throughout the original trilogy. he would have to be placed in an environment outside his comfort! cassian is so much more than a goof ball and buffer. besides his skills might be necessary to handle hybern’s war-happy citizens

- we can see more of this world. hybern is sitting empty and the problems from the start still exists. im just so disappointed that SJM drops hints of scocio-economic problems that exists in the fae world and dont deliver. why deliver something so complicated to ignore??? its such ashame this world is so rich and beautiful and the characters are so fun to read about and for it to be turn out...so....trope-y (IN A BAD WAY). the original stories are fine too i guess, but it doesn’t feel planned out. it feels like SJM writes on a whim and just changes things as she sees it fit the relationship of characters.

#acotar #anti acosf #acosf spoilers #anti sjm #rewrite acotar #nesta #queen nesta #high lady feyre #cassian #anti acotar

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