"It's not dysphoria" I say as I write an entire assignment on my own invisible queerness and gender identity, and as I feel like tearing my skin off and crawling into a cave forever

So I followed Sabine Hossenfelder a few weeks ago thinking, "Here is a cool science lady" and then out of nowhere she releases a video on trans people where she is all, "Trans people are crazy and I'm normal!" and then dubiously interprets trans studies for 20 minutes. Then, while claiming she is the levelheaded centrist only seeking objective scientific facts, she references Jesse Signal, a bad faith anti-trans "journalist", as a scientific source.

I also hate this notion that the only metric for the success of gender affirming care is a decrease in depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. Those are certainly goals. But...I mean, life is tough out here even if you aren't transgender. You can feel you've had a positive outcome with your transition and still struggle with mental health. I think that is clear by the low regret rate. And even when people are able to tackle their gender dysphoria via transition, we cannot discount the effects of poor societal acceptance. Not to mention the cruel legislative onslaught currently underway.

It's like, "Yay! I'm finally who I'm meant to be!"

But also, "Ack, these transphobic dipshits are trying to kill me!"

No other treatment is held to the standard of creating shiny happy people at a 100% success rate.

And yes, drugs sometimes have side effects. All drugs. Even over-the-counter drugs like Tylenol. There is no medical treatment without risks. And if we banned every treatment that had the possibility of a bad outcome, we would have literally no medications at all. She was very serious about all the bad things that can happen with blockers and hormone therapy but didn't mention how uncommon those risks are. She didn't mention that bone density is closely monitored. And the risk of heart trouble she mentioned was for older patients getting treatment for prostate issues.

Which makes me wonder why in the world she did not at least consult an actual trans person? Or even a doctor that provides gender affirming care? She just googled everything and interpreted the data with her physics brain and didn't even think to run her interpretations by people with actual expertise.

I'm not even sure a purely scientific analysis of trans issues is possible due to so many variables not being quantifiable. You can't just toss out the politics and focus on the science. The politics are a huge part of transgender existence right now.

And I don't even know what to say about her giving credence to the "social contagion" theory. Her only evidence was a theory concocted by a single person. No studies. No peer review. When I was in high school, none of us knew anything about being queer aside from the existence of gay people. We'd never even heard the words transgender or nonbinary. And even my friends who were gay didn't even consider that as a possibility until they went to college. There just wasn't any information available to teenagers. All they knew was that something was different and they had no resources to help them figure out what that different feeling was.

Teens are not being infected by a social contagion, they just have better access to information. They can also find more support and acceptance in online communities. Not to mention any competent gender affirming care program will do extensive evaluations to rule out things like peer pressure or someone seeking attention. Contrary to conservative belief, they don't just throw hormones and puberty blockers at everyone during their first appointment.

She quickly discounted the left handed analogy because some gender affirming treatments have lasting effects. Which didn't make much sense to me. All that analogy is meant to explain is that teens are more comfortable with queer introspection and feel less pressure to repress said queerness. The huge increase in queer teens matches almost perfectly with the dawn of the information age.

She also said that biological sex is "simple" (it is not) and then handwaved the existence of intersex people as "rare." First, I think the number of intersex folks is undercounted, but also, they are just as prevalent as people with red hair. When there are 8 billion people on the planet, even small percentages add up to a lot of people.

It was just a mess of a video.

I am disappointed in what I thought was a cool science lady.

i just saw jessie gender's "trans women are not biological males" video and . . .

it's so catastrophically awful. like one hour of strawmen and flat out inaccurate and false constructions of what is meant by the term "male" and "female" and "biology"

and isn't it funny how the goal with the trans movement as headed by these guys is about erasing distinction rather than providing clarity? we say, fine, transwomen are transwomen, and they can go by she/her, but no, they need to be called "women." okay. then we call transwomen "women", but male, and they say, "no, we must be called female."

woman and female are not inclusive terms. they are descriptive. i don't care who doesn't like to be "defined" if you exist, behave and are percievable in this dimension, you will get a fucking label because no one has the time to pretend to see you as an "essence." no matter how many times we move the goal posts, we are still going to need language for those distinctions between trans women and women, but oh wait . . . hold on, there are distinctions that are acceptable. we can use "trans" and "cis" for women.

and that's the thing isn't it? women can no longer define themselves as they want, centering their biology and struggles as the female sex, because they must define themselves as trans women want.

acknowledging sex differences, which is vital to women's rights and liberation, the core of their oppression, is now secondary to the comfort of transwomen.

it's an affront on feminist consciousness-raising. screw up the language so much and so successfully that you can't meaningfully discuss women's oppression.

feminist-materialist ideas are incompatible with genderqueer-metaphysical fantasies. jesse literally starts railing on "naturalism" being some kind of "belief" that how we are born is "is the only way we should exist" or some shit, which is like . . . not what naturalism is.

As indicated by the above characterization of the mid-twentieth-century American movement, naturalism can be separated into an ontological and a methodological component. The ontological component is concerned with the contents of reality, asserting that reality has no place for “supernatural” or other “spooky” kinds of entity. By contrast, the methodological component is concerned with ways of investigating reality, and claims some kind of general authority for the scientific method.

naturalism is literally about investigating reality: it's constraints and capacities. no "naturalist" is arguing that people are born perfect, but that they are born male or female, which is a biological system, not a fucking dress code or magical aura. it means, jesse, that even if you took more estrogen or got implanted with ovaries or feminized your face or got a vaginoplasty, your MALE BIOLOGICAL SYSTEM will react accordingly. this is why transmen can't just take testosterone without it causing serious physical risks. this is why trans women still can't fucking gestate a baby. STOP LYING TO PEOPLE ABOUT WHAT MALENESS AND FEMALENESS MEANS.

and top comment was some shit like "They just replaced ‘In the eyes of god’ with ‘biologically’ and thought we wouldn’t notice that it makes no sense because it invokes science".

It is a literal religious trick to refer to scientific endeavor or non-religious philosophy as its own religion. you are the ones thinking religiously. christians and young-earthers literally call "atheism" and "science" religions. like . . . what are you on right now?

biology is not a language game. it's a fucking reality. if you called water "spoof" it wouldn't change what water is or how it behaves, for fuck's sake. even if you believed really hard that the ocean was calling to you, it wouldn't change the fact that oceans cannot physically form a mouth and consciousness. i don't care what judith butler or forest valkai or whatever a pedo-queer theorist man said. women's oppression is not due to pronouns, fashion, or the english language.

trans women are biological males or they wouldn't be trans, jesse. you're fucking up your own lore.

Hi S! I’ve been wondering. I know some (gay/bi/…) men hate it when women write m|m. And well as a woman. I love to read and write m|m. I find it way more intriguing than m|w or w|w. (I don’t even know why.) I mean, I love Stucky and Evanstan and I’ve been writing my own OCs story (without smut, cos I can’t know how it feels to be hard and shit like that, and heterosexualisation)

Anyway so this got me thinking about how you might feel about this. Because I don’t want to hurt people and your opinion kinda matters to me. I look up to you even though I think we’re the same age.

Bye and thx 💙❤️

Hey, sweets!

First, I have to stay, I can completely relate to this. I've had--few and far between, but still, it's happened--people ask/request me to write smut with genderbent stucky with Steve and Bucky both as women. And, yeah, I always have hesitations about it. So, I've never actually done it, lmao. I, personally, always feel weird about it because of the history of men (usually straight men, but, I'm clearly not that 💀 so we'll go with men who are attracted to women exclusively or otherwise) fetishizing lesbians.

Realistically, going outside and touching grass, I'm of the opinion that this is fiction. We're writing fictional stories. It doesn't bleed into my real life. I understand the difference between fantasy and reality, and I try to assert that on my blog. So, in theory, it is harmless. But, funnily enough, just like you, I also don't feel qualified to make that judgment. I always try to mark my fics appropriately--whether it's me, as a man, writing about women or it's me writing about a subject I am not an expert in like history, specific careers or jobs, legal issues, exact timelines of canon, etc., etc.-- that way, appropriate readers will continue if it doesn't bother them, and other readers will move on if it does. Of course, there will always be people who ignore those tags or are outraged by it existing to begin with and... there's no pleasing those people. So. They don't bother me. The tags are there. The warnings are present. So, it's their responsibility as a reader to act appropriately from then on. I can't do it for them.

Anyway, my ramblings aside--

It doesn't bother me when straight, cis women write mlm fanfiction! It doesn't bother me when women write mlm fanfiction at all.

Obviously, there would (and probably will) be outliers in women who have unchecked homophobia/transphobia/general queerphobia that is expressed through their writing but... I have yet to come across that. So, I don't really care.

Think of it, like, I don't have a problem when straight, cis women talk to or about gay/bi/queer men. It only crosses a line for me when those women start to think they know better about the the queer community and talk over queer men. (And the fact that you're concerned about it being strange points toward you not being like that. Not crossing that line.) Or, because I like to explain everything to death, think of it like like acting. I am of the opinion that I don't need every queer character to be played by a queer actor--what I want is fair representation and job opportunities for queer actors in Hollywood across the board, not necessarily the ability for only them to own those roles. Some straight and cis actors might not have the range or ability to play a queer character, and so they don't. However, straight and cis actors exist that can portray queer characters in vibrancy and outside of harmful contexts. What makes those actors good? Their ability to learn and understand queer people as people. Clearly, you, anon, want to learn and understand. That's good!

Fetishizing, I obviously understand, can be some people's fear but with fanfiction... again, it's fantasy.

(That, and, my understanding, is that mlm ships are more common because of men often being written more in-depth and more readily available in media within the patriarchal society we have constructed and because it can be refreshing to completely take yourself out of fantasy and pleasure and that sort of thing when it is so taboo in our society (especially women's pleasure). Which, mlm relationships provide more so than mlw or wlw. So, I can understand the appeal!)

I will say there's a layer to my answer, too, of how much a lot of fandon spaces can feel like women's spaces to me. Obviously, it's not all women, and I know that well. There are lots of nonbinary people and men around here! Though, fandom has been something that has, from my knowledge, been dominated by women historically. And while I love seeing more diversity in fandom as people of all types embrace and love the art that speaks to them with wild passion, I still see a lot, lot of women. So, I don't feel like it's my place as a man to police the space and say what belongs or doesn't belong, y'know? I'm just here enjoying my time. And with all the incredible fanfiction that's out there that has been written about mlm ships by straight women, cis or trans, I wouldn't want to change that.

So, TLDR; I don't mind when women write about queer men, whether they themselves are straight or not. Obviously, there are limits to that, and harm can be done when straight women try to speak over queer men (queer people generally, too), but it seems like with your concern for the topic you'll do just fine. So, go out there and write!

P.S. thinking about sensations in smut... you might be interested in these two drabbles I've written 👀

Gina Carano Sues Disney and Lucasfilm. According to Just Some Guy at 1 : 36 of the youtube video. Gina Carano was the one who put gasoline into the fire herself by intentionally starting a fight with trans people and mocking them for their importance in society.

I was sick the day the happened and @jennadknowsbest-blog was kind enough to tell me and boy let me tell you, despite feeling like crap I was laughing like this allllllll day

If you too need a good laugh, read the released document thingy. It's badly written on so many levels. (I saw it on Reddit but I think it's floating around Tumblr too. There are some golden comments on both.) Both from just a writing style perspective (it's written like a teenager's Star Wars fanfic) and the fact that her main argument is that "Pedro Pascal said mean things about conservatives and wasn't punished" when 1. most of the posts were apparently before he was hired as the Mandalorian and 2. it seems like pretty common knowledge in fandom that he was asked to tone it down and he did. I follow him on Insta and he rarely posts outside of promoting his own work, and it's largely "support this cause" or "I love my trans sister" instead of attacking/joking at anyone. (I guess his Twitter had more comments, but he's since deleted it afaik.) Overall, it's likely just a stunt to get the right-wing frothing at the mouth and Gina's name back in people's mouth, because she hasn't filmed anything since Terror on the Prairie (one of two Daily Wire films she was supposed to have, the other appears to not be happening anymore) and My Son Hunter (which was straight Breitbart propaganda). Shatpiro has used and dumped her and while I doubt she's hurting for money, I bet she's desperate to get the praise and attention and adoration that the Cara Dune role briefly brought her. Why else would she come crawling back to a company she's publicly trashed and accused of mistreating for the last several years? It doesn't make sense by her own logic! If they were so bad, why does she want back? (And who's gonna hire her now if they think she's a liability who's going to turn around and sue them?)

It's really disgusting though that Gina wants to claim she was discriminated against for being a woman while actively mocking minority groups. Her post appeared on my Insta fyp and I usually don't click because I know she's gonna piss me off, and I clicked and she did. At the time she had a story that said "Still beeping, bopping, booping" with a smirky picture of her. So all she's been told - we know Pedro talked to her because she herself admitted it on Twitter*, and while I'm sure there were plenty of people jumping on the hate bandwagon, there were also people trying to genuinely explain - and explained how this is hurtful to the queer community, she still keeps doing it and thinks it's funny.

That's what's unforgivable to me. Not that she said ignorant shit in the first place - we all have - but her refusal to learn and do better. She wants to say whatever she wants without pushback and so do her fans. The few times I've thought it's worth it to try and talk to someone about it, they always insist it's just her opinion and say something homophobic to me as well (last time I talked to a Cara Dune content creator on Insta, she said she "doesn't agree" with me being gay and "I can't expect everyone to agree with me." For wanting to exist as a gay person. Apparently I should just take it when people mock me or say I should burn in hell.) That's the problem with Gina and her supporters. They don't care, they don't want to think critically or debate, they want to say anything they want without consequence and brush off any conflict with "well it's just a joke" or "it's just her opinion."

Bigotry is not an opinion. You can't "not agree" with someone's skin color and it's the same with their sexuality. You don't get a fucking opinion on whether I have the right to exist as a queer woman.

Let's not pretend the things Gina says are in a void. People who flock to her believe the same things she does. That's why people have protested her attending FanExpo (this video goes into more depth thank you @jennadknowsbest-blog for sharing), when you invite people who, like her, think it's funny to mock anyone like them, it doesn't make a safe or welcoming environment for people like me. Sure one can brush off a comment or two - but where do you draw the line? When does it become harassment? And who is going to protect people like me from that harassment? How can I count on security from an organization that invited Gina and encouraged these people in the first place?

And I say all this as a queer woman who is able to chameleon myself very well because I've done it since childhood. Things are only getting more dangerous for people who are visibly queer. A nonbinary teen was just killed in Oklahoma. I live in a relatively blue area of a blue state, but that doesn't mean I'm completely safe. There are extremists out there, and they're only getting more bold - because people like Gina think it's amusing to fan the flames. Gina, at least, has faced some consequences for it. I doubt this lawsuit will go anywhere (either it'll be settled and Elon and Gina have some Own The Libs content, or they'll be dismissed/lose and they'll get some A Woke Judge Discriminated Against Me content). Gina will be happily on her way. Meanwhile, I get to wonder if the people around me who dismissively say "it's just her opinion" are the kind of people who don't think much about social issues.... or are the kind of people who will happily vote my rights away in the next election.

I assure you, if you have friends who are queer, they are listening to what you say about this case. Throughout all her tomfoolery, I've found Gina to be an excellent canary in the coal mine when it comes to identifying homophobes.

-

*She apparently later told Tucker Carlson that no one bothered to explain the pronouns thing to her, so we know she's a liar who twists the story as well, which is why I never take anything she says in good faith.**

**I'm very embarrassed I know this but I can't help but following up on stupid things she's doing. She fascinates me. She's like the inverse of a blorbo to me, like she pisses me off but she compels me. How can one person be this dumb. (Fr tho has anyone in her life talked to her about CTE??? Impulsiveness/aggression are possible symptoms....)

hey. Hey. You got any analysis of the Lost Boys or thoughts on the movie to share? who's your favorite character in it and why??

@abalonetea

Analysis on the movie I've been many levels of obsessed with since age 14 you ask?

...this is going to end up undercut for length I can already feel it.

The Lost Boys is my comfort movie, my I-feel-like-shit-nothing-is-fixing-it movie, my I-can't-write-please-help movie and my go-to for when I am inflicting media upon a new friend. I know it backwards forwards, upside down and inside out, I own the out of print novelization written by Craig Shaw Gardener, I posted the original prequel script to fanfiction.net in the early 2010s because I found it buried in a forum post and wanted it to be easier to find, I have listened to every version of cry little sister that G Tom Mac has ever put out in addition to the entire stage musical he produced. The fic I wrote for it in 2011 is still on Wattpad and to this day for some fuck ass reason gets 1000s of hits per year. I have another fic for it on ao3 that still takes up brainspace for me on a minimum weekly basis.

I.

Honestly do not know who I am as a writer if not for this film.

It is such a huge part of who I am as both a fan of media and a vampire writer and as a horror enjoyer in general.

And it is undeniably, baked into its bones, queer as fuck.

Not just from the overt point of here is a film in the 1980s about men sharing blood, directed by an openly gay man, hands us platonic and familial and romantic interactions between male characters, who are allowed to hold one another, allowed to express emotion, allowed to exist freely and without shame I am--so very abnormal about this movie.

I'll be the first to admit it's not perfect by any means, it very much exists a time capsule of its era, but also, to momentarily put the bar on the floor, it isn't slur laden and full of take-backs for any of the emotional vulnerability like other things around then were (see: Once Bitten, which while unarguably very much more on the comedy side of horror-comedy, i'm going to put into the same category by virtue of Camp Vampire Movies of the 80s).

It hands us one of my favorite mothers of all time. Lucy Emerson is a treasure, she spends the whole movie trying her goddamn best to remember that she is stronger than anyone gives her credit for. That she chose to divorce an abusive man, pick up her two sons, and leave without more than signing the papers and getting out. She doesn't care if they're poor, she doesn't care if she could have gotten something from her ex-husband, she wants her boys safe and there is a very large implication that sticking around to do the whole song and dance would have ended badly. Lucy lives for her sons, she wants so badly to make the world easier for them than it was for her, she wants to be part of their lives and part of their interests even if she does not understand them, and I maintain that Had Max Actually Succeeded, it would not have been long before the Lost Boys themselves were Lucy's as much as her own two sons, and that would not have ended well for Max. Protecting mother, lioness, made to be underestimated so you are always caught off guard.

Edgar and Alan Frog are near and dear to my heart, these idiot vampire hunter children were just so very much what my brother and I were in terms of Making Up Games To Play--ignoring the fact that for these two it's real, not that it ever had been before the Emerson family rolled into town and Sam's brother got mixed into the Lost Boys group. Edgar wanting to be in charge of things and wanting to protect the people he cares about and the town he is too stubborn to admit he loves despite being what, 12? 14? Alan being quieter but just as absolutely ready to go "yeah we are totally experts at this" as his twin, the fact that neither of them have any idea what they are getting into. Dipping barely into the sequels territory (which...they aren't good. by any definition. but Edgar and Alan are the best part of them both) we get Edgar dealing not only with his perceived loss of Alan to half-vampirism, but his whole loss of Sam after having to kill him and I just.

Ugh.

NOW, dipping into the main event there is Michael, who spends this whole movie just trying to figure out where the hell he's supposed to belong at this point. He doesn't see any point in starting a new high school in his senior year, he doesn't want to upset his mother by just absolutely dropping off the planet, he cares deeply about his family and wants to help however he can because they are struggling for money. So what does this seventeen year old kid do? He starts picking trash up off the beach for eight hours a day. He gives that money to his mother under the guise of it being "leftover from christmas" because he doesn't want her to worry about him working. He feels so fucking lonely without the friends he left behind in Phoenix and he feels like he's too old to supplant himself into a new friend group in Santa Carla before everyone goes their separate ways after high school anyways.

Enter Star and the Lost Boys.

Yes, Michael is taken in by Star because she's beautiful and mysterious and he's a teenage boy seeing nipples through a tank top, but beyond that he sees in her, in David and the others, how self sure they all are of the decisions they've made. This group is all within his age, they're all living in a goddamn sunken hotel half claimed by the ocean, they have motorcycles like him, they smoke weed and eat chinese food and Marko keeps pigeons and Dwayne can skateboard and Paul is a music nerd and what the fuck how do they manage to seem like they have their lives more together as a group of teenage runaways than he does?

He's enamored with it, obsessed with it, the movie speeds up a timeline of something that does in fact happen over the course of a couple weeks, of him hanging out with them, slowly experiencing more and more symptoms of vampirism from the blood he drank the first night, unable to stop coming back, unable to really figure out what it is they have figured out that he doesn't, and hoping that maybe if he stays with them he will eventually feel the same confidence in his own existence that they do.

But couple that with the horrifying reality that he is becoming a monster. His younger brother is terrified of him, the family dog bites him, the horses won't go near him, he pulls a mouse out of a trap freshly dead and squeezes it like a spent juice box into his mouth, he is falling apart at the seams by the time David decides it's time to finish things. And that's what David wants, he wants Michael in a position where he is no longer lucid enough to resist once there's blood in the air.

And it almost fucking works.

I stand by my belief that the entire movie hinges on the beach party where the Lost Boys kill a whole bunch of Surf Nazis. The whole thing, the outcome of the final fight, the failure of Max's plan, all of it hangs on that one night, and whether or not Michael can actually manage not to give into the bloodlust. He does manage, obviously, he leans into the shock and fear and near throws himself out of that tree because he knows that if he doesn't, he will join the blood bath happening not ten feet away. He is starving and exhausted and everything in him is screaming that if he just gave in, it would all feel so much better.

But he doesn't.

He lays in the sand until he cannot hear any heartbeats left.

Lays there clawing his hands into the ground like if he can hold himself still enough then maybe this will stop being real.

Three of the four boys don't pay much mind to this, Dwayne Paul and Marko have slipped back into regular antics despite being coated red. Their faces have returned to normal, their eyes no longer brilliant gold rimmed red, they are laughing and shoving and having a good time.

But David is furious. He's quiet about it, he isn't loudly angry, something I think he probably absorbed from Max over the years, he tells Michael what needs to be done if he wants to stay with them, and then he and the other Lost Boys leave him there in the sand, burnt flesh and ashes drifting down to him on the breeze.

The thing about David is that he realized the night on the train bridge that he didn't care about Max's bullshit plan. He didn't care that he was originally going to feed Michael to Star. He is fixated on getting Michael to join them, not just for himself, not just to keep Star around, but also because there's a refusal to give up in this kid that has him excited, a stubbornness that he wants to break. It's the thing that eventually leads to his death.

ANYWAYS.

I think, perhaps, I have yelled enough.

Oh, shit, favorite character.

I think without any doubt it has to be David. Especially after reading the novelization, the comics, the original prequel script, he's just, he is such an interesting character and his motivations are so obvious despite how much he would appear to hold them close to his chest. He's a root character I can trace a lot of the tropes that carry over in my own antagonists to, and some of my protagonists as well.

double anyways, camp vampires from 1987 my beloved.

Thank you Katie <3

A huge component of injustice in the modern world is flattening image and reality.

That has always been sort of timeless, and it's sort of part of how societies that skew heavily towards hierarchies use aesthetics as the means to clock the 'place' of a person, environment, or object. But given that many more people see... stuff, every day, thanks to the internet and advertisements the effect is not local to what you personally witness, it's extremely widespread.

Don't get me wrong-- the power to spread imagery has also had positive impacts. Modern anti-war protests wouldn't be the same without photojournalism that spread witness of war realities to the greater world. Images that depict ordinary people, and especially marginalized people in daily life are self-evident proofs of humanity and existence when art can be skewed by wealth towards being a self-portrait of the rich and powerful. Stuff like that.

But the structure of our world and how it thinks and breathes now is still very powerful and all tools will reinforce that first unless purposefully turned against that structure. The power to assert reality is also the power to create alternate reality and you can see it every day today. Entertainment and news are blended together in new ways. "Lifestyle" content depicts curated imagery as a form of reality, often imagery that reinforces what a successful person looks like, what a rich person looks like. Or the ideals people with that wealth would prefer others hold.

I challenge anyone to find an 'aesthetic' or 'curated imagery', 'a look that invokes emotions or a sense of intuition' that 1) isn't just a form of discrimination like racism or sexism or ageism, or bias against fat or disabled bodies, and 2) can't be achieved by borrowing items, cooperation, paying artists as you have ability to, collecting secondhand things, travel to another location, and a time investment (something that our modern world blames working-class and poor people for having if they don't have money, tries to eliminate.)

'You actually CAN'T tell anything from the image' is the core of many seemingly baseless freakouts by hierarchical conservative mindsets. In fact, it's the most effective way to sell those mindsets to people who don't have any wealth at stake: fear that they can't discern actual reality, a need to control the images around them instead. Transphobia and also control of gender expression in all people. Bias against those who don't have or don't publicly display markers of hitting certain life goals like marriage or householding. The need for poor people to 'look poor,' the insecurity of the middle class in physical space and the resulting surveillance culture in many neighborhoods, the hatred of any marginalized classes enjoying luxuries as 'tacky', or even just seeing them in public. Hatred of seeing children they do not control in public. Thin people of the majority race in plain clothes as 'a fit' but fat people and people who aren't the majority race in plain clothes as 'not caring enough,' and more.

Hell, even the whole 'hatred of piercings dyed hair tattoos' thing plays in. It wraps 'the bliss of the Other being easily identified by Shibboleths, even when they're my same race' and 'I need others to look the same around me, I don't want to stick out as living incorrectly,' in a neat little burrito. Both of which easily are gateways to, 'Support for Austerity: Poors Don't Get Nice Things, 'How To Clock Queers,' and finally 'Nazi Phrenology.'

Caring so much about imagery seems like a vanity thing. But the anxiety is actually about 'reality' and seeing conflicting images that 'compromise it.' Flattening complex reality into imagery that can be sorted without fail onto a hierarchy has always been a part of top-down, oppressive structures. Think like, feudal systems where the only art or imagery that has power 'belongs' to the church, to magistrates, or to nobility. But now with the ability to broadcast images to the entire world, hierarchy's alternate reality can feel like it envelops the globe.

I hope this isn’t weird or something that I should just deal with on my own and all that, so I apologize in advance because this is incredibly recent and I’m still hurting and trying to figure out what to do next.

One of my friends of quite a while now turned out to be a massive fuckin transphobe. Yippie. The thing is, he’s fully in support of the non-straight side of the queer community, always has been, but apparently that’s where he draws the line, and I just learned that today, and it sucks. It sucks so much that someone I really cared about turns out to be a kinda terrible person who ended up saying some incredibly hurtful and disrespectful things when it all came to light.

But the thing is, while the trans hatred is DEFINITELY there, it all seems to be stemming from a place of generational hatred and ignorance because he just can’t see how his actions and words are hurtful. It turns malicious when he’s pushed, as I learned the hard way, but I feel the root of it is simply ignorance.

We got in an argument via text, which, of course, is always the worst way to do things but it was a normal conversation that went downhill incredibly quickly and I’m like 3+ hours away so we can’t hash it out in person and I wasn’t willing to just go and call.

For your uh. Viewing displeasure. I’d send screenshots (and can, if you’d like additional context) but people who have a stake in this are very likely to see this and I don’t particularly want my name attached without anon.

I didn't say that transgender people are mistakes, and I didn't mean to suggest that. People can make the mistake into believing that they are who they are not

Yes, I don't believe a transwoman is a real woman. They are biological differences between both man and woman that can't be changed

Cue me going on a bit of a tangent about suicide rates, Trevor project, intersex people being a thing, what transitioning is like, etc etc. I was pissed, I was hurt, and I admit my first reaction was anger but I also think I did a very good job of keeping calm, explaining things, while also trying to impress upon him just how incredibly shitty saying those things is

Why are you so mad? I just wanted to open up to you. I didn't mean to sound rude or anything like that

Upon which I explained that I’ve lost friends to suicide and yet again how problematic some of his statements have been

I think we both need some time to think about this

I don't. I know exactly where I stand with this issue and who I care for and what it means to me personally. You're more than welcome to call so we can talk about it that way, if that's what you'd prefer or what would help you

It seems like things right now are a bit heated, I just want to talk about when things have calmed down

If that's what you need in order to decide whether you support trans people or not, go ahead. As I said, I know exactly what my opinion on this is, and it's on the side of the people whose beliefs don't disrespect certain people's existence

I respect and love everybody, but I'm not going to change my values or beliefs because they "disrespect" other people's values or beliefs

Which… yeah. That’s where it left off. Other shit was said, other shit went down, and I stand by everything and don’t regret it, even if this guy used to be my friend.

But as I said, I very much feel that this is coming from a place of ignorance and having been taught by religious, queerphobic parents, having very little experience to the queer world and having no understanding of our history, our pain, and the battles we’re still fighting. I believe he genuinely doesn’t see how his words are hurtful and how his actions genuinely cause issues and how his words are the things that drive trans people to suicide and hatred.

Which is what I’m reaching out for, what can I do, I don’t want to cut him off because I don’t want to abandon him to be a hateful person because I believe everyone, however horrible their beliefs, can learn and grow and change, and I want to know any sort of resources or help or advice you have, anything to try to fight that ignorance-based disrespect and make him realize that they’re not just words and that his behavior isn’t just his personal beliefs, that his beliefs are genuinely harming other people.

Thank you, and much love to you. We all need a bit more kindness and love and acceptance right now with this world we live in.

I'm sorry to hear about your friend, and it's understandable that you feel deeply upset and betrayed. At this time, however, I don't think you have any obligation to "educate" him or do more than you have already done. If this is a friendship-ending issue, well... it sucks, but it is what it is. If you want to, you can communicate that he's welcome to reach out to you again if his feelings change. Otherwise, it's not your responsibility to continue or spend extra time trying to talk him around. It's something that people either accept or they don't, and while feelings can evolve, it's usually something that will happen with time and space and on their own accord. So yeah. It's up to you whether you want to signal that you're up for further communication or not, if you want to take some time to let feelings heal, or if you don't want to continue being friends with someone who feels that way. Either way, it's not your responsibility to endlessly try to talk him around. Make a decision about what you feel comfortable with, set that boundary, and do your best. It sucks, but such is life sometimes. Alas.

RED, WHITE, & ROYAL BLUE MOVIE REVIEW

SPOILERS FOR THE MOVIE AND BOOK!

So, i just saw Red, White, and Royal Blue movie and it waaaaaaaaaassss

Disappointing. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It wasn't bad. It wasn't abhorrent. But, it had one too many scenes that made me go "Aw. Oh come on! Why?!"

I'll preface this by saying I read the book a long time ago and yet I still remember it as one of my favorites. I obviously was not expecting them to make a complete copy of the book for the movie. I don't really care if a movie is a one to one retelling of a book. But, when your changes are, instead of improvements, detriments, that is when I wish you had either used something from the source material or thought a little more about how you could make a good change.

Let's get this started so I can explain in detail.

First, what I liked. And by liked, I mean loved. The sexy scene in the Paris hotel. And I'm not saying this because of smut and I love smut. I'm saying I loved this because this looks like an actual fairytale. This sensual scene looks like what I've been looking for. A queer movie with a fairytale storybook atmosphere. The lighting, the bedding ( as if they were making love in a king bed in a palace ). How quiet and soothing the characters voices are. How slow their movements are. It felt like this could have come out of Disney golden age. Movies like Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty have this art, music, character movements that feel so graceful. Like it was water moving. I swear if Cinderella had an intimate scene, it would look just like the Paris scene. That scene was might be the epitome of romantic sensual scenes. I hope more romances take notes, especially if they are going for a fairytale vibe.

And now, what I didn't like.

June/Nora. If you didn't know, June, who was Alex's sister in the books, is now Nora, Alex's friend and granddaughter to the vice president. I'm still not sure why this change was made. Some have theorized was because Henry already had a sister and they didn't want to do the same with Alex. Well, whatever the reason, it seems unnecessary considering how little Nora had to do. I've been a yaoi anime fan for years and I've witnessed that some of the biggest criticism is how bad the female characters are. They're either scheming or just cheer leaders and nothing else. I appears that only Nora but, Bea, fell into this trope. In the book, June might still have been a secondary character but she still has more to do. She was working as a journalist and as she was also the child of Ellen and Oscar, she felt some the stress that Alex had ( in the book ) from their parents divorce. She also took part in the pr stunt and dated Henry when the emails were leaked. Bea's backstory of being a drug addict and being called "powder princess" was also removed. And I just hate it. These female characters had their own history and lives. They were not just there to tell Alex and Henry "oh, you love him" "oh go for it", they actually existed outside of them. If people hate female characters being boring cheerleaders in action movies, in romcoms, they aren't going to like it just because its a queer rom com this time. Bea went into drugs after her father's death. She still gets bullied by it. She has her own life and struggles to live through in the book, even as a secondary character. The only reason she went to rehab was because Henry was so scared to lose another family member and be more alone in the world after he told her it was gay. This was a way for Bea to be supportive without her character being reduced to boring cheerleader. Lord, she even sat far away from the meeting with Henry's grandfather. That is how far removed she is and how little she needed to be there and it's just so frustrating. There's also Bea's and Henry's mom who is only mentioned once and that is when Henry says he can't talk to her because she's either hunting elephants or doing some charity for elephants. I genuinely do not remember. I think that was her one mention in the movie. In the book, she was detached from kids but she had a good relationship with them before her husband died. And she steps up and stands up to her mother to protect her kids. She changed as a person. Even if it was off-screen ( well, off-page ) she had her own development as a character. And it showed just how Henry and Alex's relationship changed the people around them for the better. Their relationship was changing the world and right in front of us, it changed his mother. June/Nora, Bea, and Bea's and Henry's mom just had nothing. This change was most definitely not an improvement. 

It also drove me crazy just how fast this movie was. There are montages where there really shouldn't be. Like the hospital montage or the getting to know each other montage. I would much prefer if there were less montages and more more on screen developments. Show conversations between Henry and Alex growing as friends. Show the book convo where Henry is talking to a cancer patient about star wars instead of just showing Alex watching him talk to a cancer patient in a conversation we can't hear. Small things like that show more about Henry and show Alex, and thervy, the audience that Henry is more caring towards people than he lets on. A montage does not do a good enough job of that. It just feels your trying to skip through matieral. I get that this is a movie and you don't have much time to work with but could really not afford a few more conversations. Ugh, seriously, Amazon should have just made this into a mini series or something. And how a lot of changes in the characters just felt so random. Let's take Alex's confusion after Henry kissed him on New Year's. He has a talk with Nora and she asks him if he liked it. And this makes him question if he likes Henry. Then Henry and him meet again at a party and the White House and they start making out. What I can't figure out is what Alex wants out of the situation. Is it love? Is it exploration? It just moved so fast that it's hard to pick up on what kind fo realization Alex reached. If it was love, even with the little time they had, they could have showed Alex realizing he might be romantically into Henry. Let's say before he talks to Nora, Alex goes for a quiet walk in the park. He wonders what that kiss was. And he imagines Henry walking right next to him. And he really enjoys Henry's company. He likes when Henry smiles, when he laughs, when he teases him, etc. After that scene quiets down, he goes to Nora and tells her about the kids and there they have a talk about Alex liking the kiss. Because we just established how he would love to walk with Henry just canoodling, we can understand that he clearly liked Henry kissing him. You can't just say he liked the kiss, you have to show. Show don't tell, is one of the biggest rules in romance. I'd argue more than most genres. Because romance is often about internal feelings and realizations. You have to make the audience feel with your character. You can't just say the character felt something, especially at something as pivotal as the first kiss. You have to show us the realization.

There's also another realization they didn't put. When Henry is singing karaoke and then we shoot back to Alex. All they needed to do was slow things down and focus on a change of expression from Alex, showing he's reached a realization. This scene is supposed to be after his mom tells him he needs to know whether or not it's forever with Henry. All you needed was a few seconds of quiet and slowness. And there is also another scene where the movie went too fast. When Alex confronted Henry and when Henry comes to a realization he wants Alex. In the book, Alex is yelling at Henry until he gets quiet and tells Henry that if he wants Alex to leave, he has ro tell him to leave. We go though a lot of emotions in this book scene. It waits for a few seconds. With Henry in Alex's face and Alex telling Henry, nice and slow, to tell him to leave until Henry starts kissing him. In the movie, Alex says Henry has to tell him to leave but there's no big voice changes, no emotions like anger and intense stubbornness. The characters feel like they are exercising the same amount of emotion throigh the whole movie. Alex and Henry cry ( not yell, very little push and tug, just sad, not really a spectacle of emotions from a scene that supposed to be about getting everything out ), Alex says tell me to leave, Henry says please don't, and theygo to the museum. This scene does show how Henry wants a private life without people gawking at him but then Alex plays their song, they start dancing, and Henry says he's in. That's it. There's no reason he's in after saying how much he wants a more private life, he just says he's in. Then we follow with Alex getting on the plane and Henry giving him his ring and Alex giving him his key. I don't know what to say for this other than it's just so boring. At the very least, they could have soared a few minutes to do that scene from the book with Henry holding Alex's hand and saying he 100% in and Alex unfolding his hand to find the ring. If a romance scene actually includes swapping important valuables, you need to actually show that this is a big deal. Not just, here's something to remember me by, which can also be a sweet heart felt scene but this scene just felt like they were trying to finish it up. Just slow down a little bit.

Now on to Philip. You know, the one who did get to sit in for the meeting and say something while Bea sat away like a child that didn't know anything. Anyway, he didn't have much to do in the book either. However, without him knowing, he convinced Henry to start a real relationship with Alex. After Alex storms the palace ( yes, it was a storming in the book and I love that because it actually shows this scene is supposed to be different from the others and signal that these characters are about to reach a different stage in their story and romance) and Henry and him make love, Henry goes out for a jog and runs into Phillip. They have a talk about how Philip has to start working on the heirs he and his wife need to create even though he doesn't like children. And Henry realizes Phillip's not even miserable, he's fine with all of it. He's completely fine. And Henry realizes he doesn't want to live that lofe of just being "fine". That whole thing is summed up in Alex saying "nothing will ever happen to you". I guess they figured if he said it twice it would be as good as that scene. Could have at least added a voice crack from the actor and pulling Henry in closer to say that last "nothing will happen to you" if they wanred to hammer something home. Even that wouldn't have been as good as the book because again, show don't tell ( actually this would have been something the movie could have improved upon by using a flashback. Book Henry just relayed the talk with Philip. Ironically, that still had more impact than Alex saying "nothing will ever happen to you" twice and yet it was something they could have improved ) but at least it wouldn't have been so 'blah'.

I'd also like to mention how Henry saying he's liked Alex since the first time he met him was so dull. In the movie, he just says it when they are having s**. In the book, it's when they are in bed joking and Henry is just like "yeees, the whole time. Nothing gets past you" and they just joke around playing with pillows. I love moments like these. Moments when couples are just laying in bed and just talking and learning about each other. Learning about things that never came up and are finally coming out. 

Now to one of my biggest turn offs from the movie. The absence of Luna. Luna was a queer senator that Alex teased but admired. He turned over to the opponents team and Alex felt like it was a betrayal for all that he stood for. Alex saw this guy that looked like him working hard to do good and it inspired Alex. But, when Luna goes over to the other side, Alex cries to Henry that maybe there's no point to it all. But, Henry calms him and tells Alex that he is good and he works hard to be good. This whole conversation about Alex's fear that he might not be able to do anything and Henry comforting, those moments are the reason why I love seeing the relationship on screen. I like the will they won't they parts of romance but I also like when we finally see the characters in a relationship. The moments when we see what they are like as boyfriends. How they support each other through trying times. Those are wonderful moments in on screen relationships. And we barely got anything of them just talking to each other or going through romantic moments as boyfriends! Luna also tells everyone that Richards was the one who hacked the emails. Again, we see how Alex and Henry's relationship is already changing the people around them and inspiring determination in Luna. I know. I know. Luna had a lot to do in the book and this is a movie and we're strapped for time. Seriously, Amazon, mini series would have been the way to go. 

They also changed Alex's parents from being divorced to still be being married. Why, though? Having divorced parents would added an interesting layer to Alex as a character and his relationship with Henry. Seeing how his parents fought always made him upset. He knows that a relationship could end in a break up. Yet, he still dates Henry because love was worth it. This is what romances thrive on. That even with the obstacles, love is worth it. And his love with Henry was worth fighting for. 

They also didn't include that pr date with, I believe, Alex being with Zahra and Henry being with June. When rumors started circling that Alex and Henry were together, they had to try to debunk that. And Alex and Henry were distraught because they had to hide their love and two women were being used for this. I like this. There are consequences in this romance. It shows just how big their relationship is. And it shows their remorse in having to use two human women as chess pieces. Because these women are actually people not just their cheerleaders. 

I'll just finish this off with something that more of a pet peeves to me. Henry's utter surprise when he hears "sweat dropped down my balls". Come on, honey, child, you heard American songs before. Don't pretend, darling. But seriously, at the end of the book, Henry ( or Alex, I don't remember which one ) reveals to Alex ( or Henry ) that he wants to move in an apartment together. It's super sweet. And shows they can finally move on int heir relationship and be together. In the movie, if looks more like Alex is just showing Henry his house and showing him where he grew up and less about moving in together. I don't even know if he mentioned anything about moving in together. Also, at the end of the book, they notice a mural painted on a wall to celebrate their queer love. I think that would have been a much better note to end on. To show what this movie was about. A gay love story where things just worked out and it didn't end in pain and instead ended with the world celebrating this love story. Some might argue that would have been cheesy, but cheesy is romance's best friend. Romance is where you can have all the cheesiness you want. Just enjoy things about the heart. 

As you can, I take my romance seriously.

I don't think this is a bad movie. Not at all. I think it's good. I think the actors did a good job and took their roles seriously. But, I can say that the book is definitely better. I would recommend watching this movie. Especially the Paris scene. I still can't get over how much it felt like it was ripped out of a storybook. I recommend the movie. It's nice. But, I would highly, HIGHLY, recommend reading the book afterwards. It just is better. At least in my opinion. And read it with the audiobook, it's pretty good. 

( Wish these audiobooks would have some background music and different voice actors for different characters. That would just make them just a whole new genre within themselves. Somebody, anybody, please get in that! )

Now that my country (finally) decided to vote for marriage and adoption equality, I have to share my thoughts because I've been keeping them for too long.

This is going to be a long post so if you want to see more it's under the cut.

This has been such a huge debate for a while now, and I was always so mad about it. If you are lgbtq+ and have been in a similar situation, you probably know how it feels, but if you're not, I'll try to explain. Having literally everyone talking about my life and my rights, when they don't even have the slightest knowledge of what queer people have gone through in order to have equal rights around the world and it seemed so crazy to them that we would want it too. Even the church had an opinion when it has literally NOTHING to do with them. We are talking about political decisions about civil marriage. Your opinion is very much not needed, especially if its aim is to spread hatred towards a community that has suffered so much and the last thing we want is people with zero knowledge going around and preaching that we don't deserve to exist and have our basic human rights. We have the government to decide about laws and stuff, this is not theocracy for fuck's sake. There were also a lot of politicians talking shit about us, as if we are some kind of animals, but since they are part of the parliament, I was prepared for it and sucked it up.

Children adoption has also been on the table in these past months, and of course, everyone would have an opinion about it too. Basically, the only thing they could say to justify their bigotry was "You'll ruin the traditional family." I mean, if their perception of a 'traditional' family is couples who have children just because they can have them, but end up neglecting, abusing or abandoning them, then yes, I would very gladly ruin it. If there are families who abandon their kids in institutions, then there should also be families who are willing to take said kids in, no matter if they are gay or straight. And gay people don't have many choices. They can't reproduce like straight couples do. So, when a couple is relying on adoption to start their own family, then why would they not have that option? "Children need a mother and a father!" Children need someone who can take proper care of them and give them love. There are kids that grew up in such families, and they are no different than kids with straight parents. There are also those who grow up with only one parent, and they still turn out fine. It doesn't have to do with genders. You are just being homophobic. And no, they are not going to become gay because of that. Most of us grew up in straight environments, and yet we are not straight. But even if they do turn out to be queer, then they will know that their parents accept them and they won't have to spend their teenage years pretending to be someone else because they are afraid to be kicked out and whatnot.

I'm tired of everyone having a say in what I do. Queer people are not pawns in some game. To some, it may seem shocking, but we are still humans who have needs and rights. The fact that this was such a huge topic when it should go without saying. There are people who had to move to another country in order to marry their partners. We watched for so long, happy married couples in other countries. We were anxiously waiting for this decision to be made because we want to have equality. But, of course, according to some people, we are just sick and entitled and want to take over the world and destroy it. If you really believe this, then I'm sorry you're sad since yesterday. Learn how to get over it now 😘

This whole situation going on with how tumblr treats trans women has me fuckin' fuming. Rant under cut.

It's not just me who sees tumblr's continued issues with trans women existing on here as a continuation of moral panic around sexual deviancy that just lumped all non-cishet dating and sex for non-reproductive reasons under the same Deviant umbrella and criminalized them? Like it's the same tactics, it's the same justification, it's the same shit if not literally then obviously in spirit. It's the same. Fucking. Laws. Being used to criminalize trans people existing in public! Especially trans women. It's not just tumblr staff being stupid or bigoted, it's them taking part in an ongoing attack against trans women with very trackable ancestry that goes back to puritanism and moral panic of the 20th century, from early forms of Nazism to the relatively more modern Lavender Scare.

Trans women in particular are probably especially targeted because they're the ones even some queer people are more likely to throw to the wolves. I'm pretty sure the reason predstrogen was just banned at the time she was is because there started forming a mob of assholes who wouldn't care or would've liked it if she was banned, who came out of the woodworks to defend the ban. She is a more controversial figure whose friends and defenders will immediately be met with enemies and counterattackers. And this isn't just a tumblr thing, if anything it's worse offline.

The online world is supposed to be a goddamn safe space for the marginalized and fringe, you won't see me taking part in that because I have too much built in shame of myself, but I damn well notice how the supposed safe and queer friendly spaces of the internet are being taken away from people, the most vulnerable and controversial of identities first. I mean if bigender bi lesbians can't go a day online without having to confront some kind of personal attack in the supposed "queerest place on earth" or whatever, how the hell are we going to make the offline world any fucking safer for even straight trans women, or cis lesbians? Hell you could say just cis women, or just the idea of a woman is under attack online, especially if you look somewhere like Reddit or Youtube or Twitter, they're not even done with old misogyny, let alone transmisogyny!

The fucking Real World is shittier than ever too, between Capitalism, Colonialism, and Imperialism reigning supreme with the halo of Fascism behind it across the world, cis white women in the US of A still face misogyny everywhere every fucking day, and if you're a black woman good luck, greater luck be unto you if you're trans or even just a combination of any two marginalized identities because at that point the whole world really is against you on a fundamental level and you'll need the luck to stay breathing. The situation on this site currently is such a fucking setback that other queers are clapping for and have been for every unfair ban on here. It's not just internet discourse, it's the shadow of the real world and its prejudice right here fucking with peoples online presence. Just as corporatization has crawled from reality to the internet to fuck it up, so has bigotry, and soon there really will be nowhere you can go without spending money and having to be the few correct ways there are to be a person.

I was bored in the hospital last night and for some reason I decided to debate some Matt Walsh transphobe jerks in a Twitter thread. Like here and here and here. I was holding my own but then the discussions turned into a "Study Off" as I like to call them. They post a link to a study saying medical transitions or puberty blockers are the worst. And then I have to counter with a newer better study that says they have decent positive outcomes. Then they say that study is bad. Then I have to find a different study. And it is just a tiring form of debate that never goes anywhere.

One study they referenced was a Swedish study that assessed how transgender surgeries from as far back as the 70s turned out. I was all, "You know they improved the surgeries a tiny bit from the frickin' 70s, right?" But also, it is really hard to gauge how effective transitioning can be when you can't factor out societal attitudes.

"They transitioned and for some reason they are still depressed! Clearly it doesn't work!"

Meanwhile, every red state in the country is basically trying to outlaw being trans.

The depression is a real mystery.

I never know how to pivot from a Study Off. I want to tell them I have friends and many many followers that have gone through medical transitions or done the puberty blockers and affirming care and it basically saved their lives. But the response to that will be "anecdotal evidence." Though I might have enough trans followers for a decent sample size.

But my point is, they don't ever talk to trans people to see how they feel about all this. When I ask, these people never actually know any trans people. They might debate a few online, but they don't *know* or befriend actual trans people.

I don't think you can truly understand the reality of something unless you talk to the people affected. I mean, *really* talk to them... without a character limit and barrier of anonymity.

I asked this guy if he knew any trans people or had any trans friends.

How can you judge something as "horrific" if you never actually talk to the people you are making wild speculations about?

He just created something in his head of what a trans person is and has no interest in seeking the reality of a trans existence. Apparently all trans people have been duped into a medical money making scheme. So none of them have the agency or self awareness to want transition?

I bet he purposely avoids getting to know any trans people because he doesn't want to lose this idea of them he has manufactured in his mind.

Manipulated and taken advantage of for profit, eh?

What do they think being transgender is? Organized religion?

I keep seeing conservative Christians call trans people delusional and living in a fantasy all while they believe in a magic man that walked on water. They see people speaking in tongues and think that is normal. They watch faith healers scam people and praise the Holy Ghost. They are told if they tithe all their money they will be rewarded with prosperity instead of just incurring more debt. They see their megachurch preacher owning 20 supercars and a private jet and don't question the money they gave. They see Rhianna in a red outfit at the Superbowl and are convinced she is in league with Satan. They think being queer can create disastrous storms.

Maybe they aren't the ones who should be policing delusion.

They are the ones that have been duped into a money making scheme. Matt Walsh and the like are profiting off this hatred and everyone that buys into that hatred, they are the ones being manipulated. They are being told they are "saving children" from mutilation and castration and you can learn more after buying the Matt Walsh movie and his book of the movie. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast and buy merch too.

It's all to save the kids! (Until they become 18 and then they are adult trans and thus, the enemy.)

"How can we help the least amount of kids that don't actually want or need our help?"

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

Author's Notes on 'Creature' and 'Home': Trans Love, Bad Queers, and Happy Endings.

By Syd Briscoe CREATURE and HOME were an interesting pair of episodes to write, because they reflect on the same experience in very different ways. Not two sides of a coin, but then we'd be hypocritical if we went for something too binary, wouldn't we? 

I started writing from the POV of wanting to give Charlie an ending that he deserved, and my voicing him actually influenced the cross-dimensional premise of the season entirely. As you may have noticed, I was finally (after the better part of a decade on an NHS waiting list) allowed to start taking testosterone while we were planning things out, and my voice changed really quickly. So from a purely practical perspective I started thinking about how punk it was to have a trans VA change sound completely during a story. 

Charlie has been a challenge as a writer ever since the pilot episodes, because he's not a capital-letter Good Queer in the way that people often write their queer characters to be. He's angry, he's petty, he's paranoid, he's anxious - the track that always makes me think of him is 'I'm Not A Good Person' by Pat the Bunny, and he'd sing along to every word with a complete lack of irony. He's been through some stuff which he's never unpacked, and he stands for those among us who feel like we missed the boat in life somehow. 

That's why it felt important for him to still be like that once he got whammied with the magical transition stick. Because so often in media our narratives end with us transitioning, begin post transition, and/or view it as a magic wand which is at once the root of and solution to all our problems. Charlie is still a horrid little goblin once he's allowed to feel more like himself in his skin - he's still angry, he's still depressed, he's still plagued by memories and bothered by things he can't have. He's also still very much our root-deep link to Glasgow, even as he finally learns to get off the subway. 

If Charlie is an expression of how our experiences existing while trans can shape us - for better or worse - then the Creature is a manifestation of all the things we didn't get to be. Particularly the older members of the community, which very much influenced its conception as an ancient being. We didn't get to mould our bodies, we didn't get to exist outside of a hostile society, we didn't get to just be how we are. We didn't get to be the children or the teenagers our cis peers were, we didn't get to have the silly nights out without fear, and we didn't get to be carefree. 

The Creature absorbs that, tries to shield the other characters from feeling that, and yet it endures. It isn't a fantasy of wish fulfilment - it isn't a gender fairy creature - but it's how I imagine an ancient being would conceive of the business of gender and queerness in a very different way to how our society does. Namely that it doesn't matter at all in the same way we'd think about it, and they're a bit confused as to why our hostile world would care so much, but the fact that people it cares about have experienced it in the way we do matters very much. 

I wanted to have the Creature feel very alien, and then Charlie to come from his extremely bare bones relatable Going Through Some Shit place, and them to find not only love but more importantly purpose together. It often feels like there are so few trans love stories, and when there are they're about Hyper Passing Person No1 finding Cis Person No2, or couples breaking up due to transition, and… fuck that, to put it bluntly. Charlie is a weird person. The Creature isn't a person. If the lads on Grindr don't love you, then that doesn't mean you're unlovable. Weirdos are here, and we have always been here. 

My first concept for CREATURE was Charlie helping the Creature change their jewellery. The OG idea was about body mods and the queer community, but given everything happening in the UK, my writing soon became influenced by other things. It was meant to be a very simple metaphor at the start, but it became more complicated for political and personal reasons. I don't think you can make queer art in this country without it feeling fraught at the moment, as we get battered in the media for no good reason other than our existence, and it would be nice to have something's protective wings spread over us for a while.

It is not easy being in transition, even if you're going where you want to go. That's pretty much the thesis statement of both HOME and CREATURE as a pair, and I really hope you find some enjoyment, meaning, and maybe even comfort in them. 

I saw this shit, I hoped Tumblr would be better- but not, so I'm gonna say this: if you're one of those "lgb drop the t", transohobic radfems etc., go fuck yourself. Oh, you expected the "we should have a discussion"? Not with me.

Not after I saw a trans genocide happening in the States (this person has a degree in genocidal studies, what do y'all have?)

After I saw my friends scared and depressed for their future, their past and their present.

After I saw one of the people first sitting with the rest of us at a nice, queer gathering at a support meeting, and a few days later her body was found in the river, bc she jumped.

Not to mention unlike you, I know Google is free. I know that trans people have been part of humanity since we exist. No matter when and where. Just like I know that all you radfems are doing is upholding toxic gender norms that do not even benefit you.

"Oh, I don't want them in my space" which space? Because I know you're not talking about just personal space. No, you mean "the entire world" space. That is not just your space.

Also I don't know what do you think you're gonna accomplish here. Trans people have always been here and will always be here. You're not gonna magically get rid of them. And you shouldn't. Because you're not the fucking main character.

Trans people have always been a part of this community. They're constantly judged, they face far more violence, they can't get one day off without having to debate their existence. They're the strongest people I've met. And they don't deserve brain-dead individuals like you not being educated enough just to spout bs their way.

If you are one of those transphobic people, you can eat a fucking rock for all I care. "Oh, you're not nice". And I'm not gonna be. Because thanks to people like you, the opinions and irrational fear you're upholding while refusing to educate yourself and move on from bigoted views, most trans people still won't live past their 30s. Because you think you're some sort of a hero or an old queer martyr saving the rest of us in the community. You're not. You're a fucking loser stuck in old understanding of gender, not realising that bigots won't spare you or clap for you. Trans people are nice, strong and proud. Me, after witnessing my friends going through fucking hell bc they dared to exist? "Nice" went out the window years ago.

Oh, also:

People who didn't get op/don't want to are trans. Pregnant trans men are men. Trans men wearing fem clothes are men. Trans women without the op are women. Trans people who do not want to take hormones are still trans. Straight guys dating trans girls are still straight. Just like a lesbian dating a trans girl is still a lesbian and gays dating trans dudes are still gay. Non-binary people exist (if not, letting my friend know they don't have to pay taxes then). Masc non-binary people exist. Fem non-binary people exist. And other facts that you refuse to accept, like a fucking toddler throwing a tantrum.

Not a single trans person has to fit your idea of gender to be valid. They are. And they don't have to care about your opinion on them.

Because if you're transphobic, you're opinion on them is worthless. Just like you.

Thank you, really. For context I grew up in a very fundie church with purity culture BS and had extreme social anxiety growing up. Ta Da! Insecurities galore! I'm pan, maybe poly, and very likely demi. Not out to and still living with bigoted parents. I'm almost 25 and never even kissed, dated, anything. Not that I don't want it, I'm just too insecure, not to mention clueless, to even begin the process of... anything? I'm pretty lonely tbh, and starved for some kind of intimacy- 1/2

Not even purely sexual intimacy. But I really have nobody, and don’t really know how to fix that, or myself. I'm still pretty anxious around strangers. I’m embarrassed, even if it’s not entirely my fault or a fault to begin with. I feel like the longer I stay this way, the more impossible things will be, because the embarrassment and insecurity will just keep growing until it’s paralyzing. I’m already near convinced nobody would want me, or they would deserve better. Think that's it Thoughts?2/2

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Man, so first off, so sorry to hear this Anon. I was in a similar position, raised in the catholic church and went to catholic school until sixth grade and that shit wassss, bad to say the very fucking least. I was lucky enough to get out before the purity aspects set in, I can relate to the social anxieties as well as just general anxiety too. Let's get more into it under the cut.

Believe it or not I used to be very fucking shy myself, I used to have a bad stutter, no friends at all until high school, severely bullied and a terrible home situation with my birth mother, (The Garbage Pile, I've mentioned here from time to time) and for the longest time it seemed like all those issues were insurmountable. Clearly, as anyone can see, I have gotten so, so much better and grown immensely. Anxieties have calmed massively, I've been over a decade without a panic attack, the pile isn't in my life, I am extremely confident and happy in my life and choices, accepting myself totally in everything that I really want and saying fuck anybody who can't vibe with that.

It wasn't easy and took a lot of work to get to this point. A lot of sitting with feelings, introspection and making hard calls and tough choices, putting myself first even when it makes other people mad or uncomfortable. Remember, you know what is best for you, no one else, and if that means that some people don't fit into your life because they cannot accept who you truly are that is their loss. But keep in mind that tons of people never come out to everyone and there is no shame in that, it is vital for a lot of people's safety.

I want to say that there is no shame or problem with your age, you are still really young, there is lots of time to find your feet with this, there is no set timeline for this kind of thing. This isn't a fault with you or a fault to begin with.

However, if you want things to get better, you have to put yourself out there, put yourself in some uncomfortable situations and force yourself to start to get more comfy with what you struggle with. I would rec that you start with being in public more often, not even having to interact to start but get more comfy with being in the public sphere and around strangers, just existing and getting used to that. There isn't anything to be freaked out or embarrassed about, no one is looking, no one cares, you have a right to be there as much as anyone and I promise no one is looking, no one is judging, people are far, far too wrapped up in their own shit to be concerned with yours.

Next I would rec you that you try to find some friends that you can be yourself with, be open, honest, vulnerable with, you can build confidence in yourself this way by being accepted by others. I joined an LGBT+ youth group when I was 16 and made friends I still have over a decade later, having that base level of all being some flavor of queer to bond over was great, and then we formed deeper friendships based off shared interests from there, as well as getting and understanding each other and giving support.

If you focus on making strong connections, not even explicitly romantic ones, it will help you out, mentally, emotionally, socially, I cannot tell you how much it will improve everything else. For me, every person I've been involved with, romantically or sexually I had formed strong friendships with first, not every friendship goes that way, but the ones that I had BEFORE that, gave me all the tools I needed when friendships started to take that turn later in life.

You are good, you have inherent worth for just existing as yourself, you will find someone eventually and instead think about finding someone that deserves YOUR fine ass, not the other way around. Don't put up with mistreatment or bullshit just so you won't be alone. Remember too, loneliness, shame, anxiety as just feelings that are bad, not prema-states of being, they can be overcome, they will not last forever.

TW: Cursing, Slandering Blue Pegasus

Blue Pegasus. What's your reason for even existing? Like I don't mind. Well yes I do, sorry for advance but your Guild contains f*ckboys, who can't get women for shit, and women who are just plot devices and it wasn't good enough for you.

Jenny's machina soul, would be cool if her curves weren't the main attraction, hasn't she ever heard of being, "Pretty and Powerful." Pre-Minerva could give her a tip or two. I feel bad for her like imagine being put in a fight that you planned and then get your ass beat, damn💀 (Jenny's emoji)

Ichiya, stay dead. I wouldn't mind if you were just some comedic character who was plainly stronger than most, I wouldn't have mind but like shut the hell up about Erza being your, "sweetie." Kill me. Erza wants nothing to do with you, ong, you should have stayed in that rift you b—

The trio, hate you bitches. You have no real meaning, Ren is a blackfisher, Hibiki is irrelevant, and Eve is useless, wishing he can be Gray.

I just needed to blow steam, this guild has no real meaning only to feed Mashima's fanservice but even without it there still would be fanservice, huh.

Do all the guilds have meaning or all they to have the Fairy Tail effect, y'know goofy people but it makes no sense considering the characters personality as a whole.

I think I'm done for now, Sabertooth or Lamia Scale might be next... hope this didn't disturb you.

Kind of adorable that you thought I would find any of this valid criticism disturbing. Honestly, I wouldn't even consider it slander cause you're right.

Like ok, you wanna have a guild that's basically just a host club? alright i don't honestly care, this series has made worse decisions, but at least give them something that will make me like them?? Actually from the trimen I think Hibiki is the one that has a bit more going for him? At least from how we saw him helping lucy and the gang in the nirvana arc, I felt he had slightly more personality to stand out from the rest but that still isn't enough to be a full-on character.

Eve is just a twink and Ren has no personality or relevance outside of his relationship with Sherry, which no one cares about and has no importance on any plot so yeah useless, and his "tan"....was a terrible design choice but considering Mashima's obvious racism it isn't surprising.

Jenny is a character I rarely think about because unfortunately she's just one of many female characters that fit into very particular stereotypes which are the only thing mashima knows how to do in fairy tail. I DIDN'T EVEN REMEMBER HER MAGIC AND HAD TO GOOGLE IT. It sounds cool and could've been such a great battle with Mira but noooo we gotta have a fanservice fight that no one asked for.

And Ichiya.....oh how I hate and become disgusted by Ichiya. He's like the "perverted old man" anime character except that I think he harrases Erza in less explicitly sexual ways yet he manages to disturb me even more and I feel people tend to forget that this motherfucker is thirty or close to turning thirty since his first appearance and Erza is only FUCKING 19 AND IT IS IMPLIED THAT HE HAS BEEN HARASSING HER FOR A WHILE NOW???? Society never had a need for him to exist and I wish he had died in the Alvarez war.

Also you didn't mention it but every time I look at master Bob I feel his design and how he's portrayed counts as a hate crime, of course flamboyant and gnc characters aren't necessarily always mocking of queer people but in this case I'm certain mashima just added him to be like "haha 'ugly' man in a dress speaking with an effeminate voice, so funny" and it sucks cause aside from that Bob isn't a terrible person and is actually as rounded in terms of personality as an incidental side character can be.

Please return to my inbox with more guild/character criticism, I particularly want to hear the sabertooth one because although I do love them they don't that much of a chance to shine neither the guildmembers not their collectivity itself and it's a real detriment.