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itsgoghtime · 14 days

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World in Color

Chapter VIII

Words : 2659

CW : good things. sad things. all the things. been waiting for the events of this chapter since I began the series and it took me a long time to finish because it hurts 🥺 - so buckle up, buttercup, it will hurt

taglist : @valmare @permanentlyexhaustedpigeon88 @horserad-ish

"Will, baby, did you buy celery at the grocery store?"

"I did, my love. It's probably buried in the right hand drawer underneath all the sticks of butter you pulled out of the freezer for rolls and pie crust."

Dinner preparation was in full swing at Pumpkin's house. Pots and pans were used, washed, then used again.

"I really hope I didn't burden Erin too much, the turkey and mashed potatoes are a big de-AL!" She squeaked as Will spun her around and lifted her to sit on the counter. "William! We don't have..."

His lips met hers softly, hands resting on her thighs before he responded. "You worry too much."

"She has stage four cancer. I'm worried."

"Erin is strong. She'll..." Will went quiet. Erin was strong, that much was true. But she had been declining so rapidly since she called that hot August afternoon that he couldn't deny the future possibilities.

Pumpkin held his face in her hands.

"She is strong. And we'll help her enjoy today as much as we can." Her kiss was light on his lips, and he moved to cut the celery for her stuffing mix as she slid off the counter, wiping it down.

Noticing his demeanor had dampened, she leaned against him.

"Hey."

Will turned to look at her, taking her hands in his and rubbing his thumbs along the backs of her fingers, she gave him a soft smile.

"It's gonna be a good day. She said she was feeling a little better today."

He leaned into the kiss she pressed on his cheek, turning back to the celery.

"Oh, and another thing..."

This time, as Will turned, his nose was covered in flour. Her giggles brought a smile to his face.

"Oh, you're going to get it." She barely missed his arms trying to sweep her up, running out of the kitchen.

"Don't try and run from me, you little trouble maker!" He laughed, trying to figure out how to corner her. She seemed to be able to read his every move, even while her eyes were practically shut from laughing so hard.

"You can't catch me, Spooky." She bit her lip.

Will smirked, and he noticed her expression shift slightly.

"What's that look?"

"It means..." He lunged forward, tackling her to her couch, beginning to tickle her sides. She squirmed underneath him, giggling uncontrollably. "...that I've got you."

"No! Please! Stop! You can't... do this to meeeee!" Her giggles only continued.

Will did pause, leaning in to kiss her neck. After she had caught her breath, she leaned into his touch.

"Feel any better?"

"A little." He smirked against her warm skin. "I think you're right - today is going to be a good day."

♡ ♡ ♡

"Just a minute, hun, doing a last minute check to make sure I got everything!"

It was almost deja vu. Almost six years ago now, he had been looking at a similar ring box before his deployment that early morning in March. He had taken the ring out and put it into his pocket.

This time, the ring would stay in the box. It would travel with them to Erin's house. He'd have to be as discreet as he could, since Pumpkin recognized the smallest of details that were subject to change. But that didn't matter. She'd be his soon - they would finally be official. This had been waiting long enough.

The next time the ring came out of it's box, it would be on her finger.

"Got everything?" Her soft voice came from the doorway, and he jumped slightly, thankful that the box was already in the bottom pocket of his cargo pants.

"Goodness, love. Didn't think I'd scare you." She chuckled.

"It's alright. I have everything." His lips met her forehead, warm as usual even with the cool air blowing outside in the early spring sunshine. "I had promised I'd bring something from my time as a Marine to show the kids, since they've been asking so much about military life."

"You feel okay about that? I know you don't love reminiscing on your time in the military."

"I think so. I'm not a Marine anymore, Pumpkin. I'm..." His brain short circuited. In just a slip of the tongue, he had almost called himself her husband. But he caught it early enough that instead, he continued, "... just an Arizona rancher."

Her eyes flickered with curiosity, studying his facial features in the same manner that she did when she'd question his tone. Will wasn't certain if he could hide the surprise if she asked, even knowing that Erin was waiting and wanted to be there, he couldn't keep this from Pumpkin if she asked.

But, she just chuckled, putting him at ease. "That is true. Well, you will be. Got to get someone to buy this house first."

"You are correct there, my darling." His lips met her temple. "We got all the dishes into the back of your car?"

♡ ♡ ♡

"Isn't it my favorite couple in all the world! Hello!" Erin smiled from her armchair in the living room.

"Erin, you're looking lively today. How are you feeling?" Pumpkin sat next to her, taking her outstretched hand as Will directed his nephews to put the food he had brought in onto the counter.

"Lively. Today is a good day. Thank you for doing so much, I feel like my husband needed more to be doing, he seemed to get bored." At her husband giving her a teasingly annoyed look, Erin chuckled. "But really, thank you. It helped a lot."

"Of course."

"I think we'll just serve everything buffet style, you can get your plate and come right through... boys! Stop fighting and get ready to say Grace. It's Easter, heaven forbid." Erin chuckled. She had been in the middle of some intense treatment and an extended hospital stay during Thanksgiving, so she had requested they do that traditional dinner on Easter instead.

Since her rediagnosis in July, Will and Pumpkin had flown up to Wisconsin a few times, for Christmas mainly, and had watched her decline. This trip would be different, their time would be extended by a few weeks, and as dinner began, they realized how beneficial their stay would be.

♡ ♡ ♡

Will was pleased with how well Pumpkin continued to mesh with his sister's family. She loved the kids, she was considerate of Erin and her every need, and made sure everyone had eaten and was taken care of.

The evening began to slow, and the kids set a movie onto the television softly as Pumpkin moved to the sink to begin doing dishes, even at Erin's insistence that her family could take care of it.

"Hey Pumpkin." Spooky kissed her cheek, beginning to rinse and dry the dishes.

"Hey, love." Her voice was soft and affectionate as she smiled at him.

A few minutes later, Will had turned around to put something away, and Erin nodded softly.

The dishes were almost done. He was running out of time.

But as the silverware came through, it all became clear. His hand 'slipped' and dropped a fork, and it made her chuckle.

This was it. This was his moment as his knee hit the floor. He took her hand in his after he had pulled the box out of his pocket.

It was only a matter of moments before she noticed he didn't need her hand for balance.

The gasp that escaped her throat as her eyes darted between his stance and the box in his hands was everything Will could have wanted and more.

"Pumpkin, sweetheart, I have been waiting an eternity for you. You have painted my world in color and I cannot imagine life without you by my side." He opened the ring box, provoking her tears. "Will you do the honor of marrying me?"

"I will." She smiled, watching as Will put the ring on her finger. Her forehead met his the moment he stood to take her into his arms, and as their lips met, Erin and her family clapped from the living room.

"I knew waiting for you was worth a million heartaches." Pumpkin whispered.

"We'll never be parted again." Will whispered back.

After another few moments to themselves, Erin's children were insistent on seeing their new aunt's ring, asking if they could help with wedding planning, asking if they could come and stay in Arizona. It made Will's heart soar with pride as he watched her interact with his nieces and nephews.

Mrs. MacPherson. It was written in the way she moved, the flicker of light in her eyes every time they landed on him, the sparkle of the ring on her finger that looked so at home there. It was in way she held him like there was no other thing on the earth more precious to her. Yes, this was the right decision.

Pumpkin moved to hug Erin, wiping her tears.

"I've been waiting so long." Erin chuckled, trying to blink away the emotion spilling from her eyes. "William has always looked for someone he could feel safe with. I'm just lucky it ended up being someone who I consider a sister. I can see how much he loves you - and how well you take care of him and treat him with the respect and tenderness he's needed since we were kids."

"He's my everything. And you have been there for me since the beginning, Erin. I don't know what I would have done without you." Pumpkin squeezed her hand.

"We have waited a long time. But now, I get to call you my sister. And that brings a peace to me I don't think I've ever known before. I know you'll take such good care of him." Erin chuckled, her knuckle running along her bottom eyelids again. "Feels like I'm finally able to give him away to someone who knows how to handle his heart."

"I promise, Erin, I'll take care of him. And we'll come and see you often, even after we're married."

Erin gave her a soft smile, fingers tightening softly around hers. "I know you will. I trust you. And I love you."

♡ ♡ ♡

Three days. Three days of peace, tentative wedding planning, and packing up more of Pumpkin's house into a moving truck.

That's all it had taken.

"I wish it wasn't snowing, it's the beginning of April, and we don't even get to enjoy the sunshine!" Pumpkin's fingers were soft on Spooky’s cheek as he swayed them to some music from her record player.

"It does feel unfair. But..." He chuckled, humming the tune of a Christmas song.

"No, don't you dare. It'll make the snow want to stay!" She giggled.

Will's phone began to ring on the counter, and after pressing a gentle kiss to her lips, released her from his arms to answer.

Erin's husband's voice immediately wiped the smile from his face.

He had never expected his life to be completely changed within a sentence.

The words coming over the telephone made his ears ring. Made him numb, tired, confused.

No. No she wasn't. She couldn't be.

"Will, what's happening?" Pumpkin asked again, concern filling her gaze.

Spooky shook his head, setting the phone onto the counter and turning away. When she picked up the phone with her usual ginger touch, he waited. Waited for the moment she'd know too.

The gasp that left her throat was enough to pull the pooling tears from his eyes, and his shoulders shook with the effort of expelling them.

"Thank you. We'll be right over." Her constricted throat barely let out a tone as she hung up the phone.

Wrapping her arms around him from behind, she nuzzled into his back and sobbed.

A symphony of sadness, their cries reached what felt like a sky of cold stone - no astronomical amount of grief could bring Erin back.

She was gone.

♡ ♡ ♡

The following Saturday was a blur, gloomy and devoid of any light that hope could bring. No, nothing could change things now. The cold was only amplified with the snow falling on top of everyone who had gathered at the cemetery.

After the service, Will went and knelt in front of the stone Erin had apparently already prepared for several months. The carved stone served as yet another twist in his stomach that she had known this was coming for such a long time, and hadn't said a word.

And, perhaps, it was his engagement to Pumpkin that she had been holding on for, as the state of her illness could have taken her much earlier than an early morning in April. Maybe the reason she had lived so long was because she had wanted Will to be taken care of.

Maybe if he hadn't proposed to Pumpkin, she would still be around.

His fiancée came and put a hand on his shoulder, her words not registering in his ears as emotions flooded his mind.

"Please, just..." Will shrugged her hand from his shoulder. "...let me be."

Pumpkin stood there for just another moment, her own tears of grief still falling, before standing and taking a few steps away from Will. "I'll be in the car."

The rest of the crowd had dispersed, leaving Will alone, crouched in the snow. He cried for what felt like a forever.

"You weren't supposed to go, Erin. You were supposed to stay... why didn't you stay?" He whispered, his hand touching the cold stone that held her name - the only physical thing in the cemetery that would lead him to her.

"I love you, Erin. Thank you." His forehead touched the stone, wishing he could have instead wrapped his arms around her one more time, instead of talking to carved rock.

Will was there for a long time. He had almost expected to have to take a bus home when he had decided he was finished - but there Pumpkin was, faithful as she had ever been, the exhaust steaming out the back of the running car. It would be warm, and that sounded lovely after freezing in the snow.

But Will would freeze in the snow any day for much longer, if he could just have his sister back.

The door unlocked as he drew closer, and he opened it to find a blanket draped over the heaters.

"I thought it might warm you up. Get in, let's go home." Pumpkin said carefully. Will noticed her tone was even more gentle than usual.

He sat in the passenger seat without a word, and she tried to move the blanket.

"I've got it." Will's tone came as more of a snap than he intended, and he noticed how fast her hand moved back to her half of the cab. Before he could apologize, she was speaking again.

"Buckle up. It's icy." The car slowly maneuvered out of the cemetery, and after his last glance at Erin's spot on the hill, his gaze watched Pumpkin as she drove them home.

He knew she was hurting - it was in the way her shoulders tensed, the way her eyes hadn't been anything but red since the early morning they had found out about Erin's passing. Her usual tapping of the steering wheel had stopped, and she didn't turn the radio on for the full half an hour drive home.

The blanket did help Will warm up, although even with her consideration of his temperature, the air in the cab of the car was heavy. Tangibly melancholy.

Will didn't try to talk to her as they pulled into her driveway. His eyes wandered to the for sale sign out front, but even the thought of their future together wasn't enough to help him feel better.

Pumpkin made him tea, warmed up a quilt or two in the dryer, and had set a sandwich on the nightstand of his preferred side of the bed while he showered. But the moment he came out, finally feeling like he could maybe have a conversation, she closed the door to the bedroom and went out into the main living area.

Healing wasn't going to be linear.

♡ ♡ ♡

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series masterlist

#world in color #val kilmer #william macpherson #will macpherson #will ‘spooky’ macpherson #spooky #spooky and pumpkin #conspiracy #conspiracy 2008 #spooky x pumpkin #spooky x reader

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comicaurora · 2 years

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How long have you been sitting on Dragon Tynan?

Oh buddy, it was rough. I really didn't wanna spoil it.

The idea of Tynan's second healthbar involving turning into a dragon was sort of a mid-game concept - well before the storyboarding, but after the broad-strokes arc timeline was complete. Fight choreography is a much more granular part of storytelling than almost anything else - tiny details and small character choices can wildly reshape the scene - so I've learned not to try to pre-plan the specific details of fight scenes too hard before I reach the storyboarding stage. Big fights like this one usually involve a broad-strokes "the team assembles, they fight" plan, and then once I start sketching out the boards I lay out the actual specifics of the character movements and choreography.

While I was working out the general timeline for the Tynan fight, the first issue I ran into was that Erin's plan for beating him would work. They really could just sling enough fire at Tynan to weaken him, drive him back, etc. This would be slow and tedious and wouldn't make for an interesting spectacle, and it wouldn't give the other characters any real opportunities to show off, but it would work unless Tynan found a way to stop it.

So Tynan needed a countermeasure for Erin's war-of-attrition strategy. He tried taking out Erin directly, but Kendal and Tess did too good a job of protecting him to make that viable. He could just wait them out, since they get tired and wounded and he doesn't, but that's not interesting to watch either.

More than that, Tynan was going to realize that he couldn't just repeat his last big win and expect it to have the same impact. In Tynan's head, his terror strategy worked every time but one, so there was no reason to think it wouldn't work again now that Vash wasn't there to spoil his party - but between his dawning realization that his strategy wasn't working how he wanted it to, his growing fury at mortals genuinely managing to fight him, and Kendal's insight that Vash defeating him was not seen as a one-time fluke but an inspiring victory that completely changed how Tynan was perceived, Tynan would conclude that he'd need to get creative.

Now there are a lot of ways Tynan could do that, but it is important to remember that Tynan is a basic bitch who relies on theatricality and tropes. What would he do to make himself scarier and more dangerous? What every basic bitch bad guy would do: turn himself into a dragon.

Tynan always had one major well-established tactical advantage over the good guys: his body was decorative and very flexible. He previously mostly used that for the "you are helpless to stop me, your weapons do nothing" gambit while letting his storm do the terrorizing, but against people like Erin and Tess who favor overwhelming force, that strategy is ineffective. He's never had to actually worry about the people he's terrorizing being able to hurt him in any way before. So while it takes him more work, he can make himself the biggest, strongest thing on the battlefield, crush their resistance, and then go back to his old playbook of overwhelming wrath of nature stuff.

So I knew I was gonna make Tynan a dragon and it was gonna totally tilt the fight back the other way. And as the story built up to it, I became very confident that this was the right call, because I think until now my story has been worfing the gods a little bit. I mean, I started the story with a god losing. Tynan is the first god we've met who's actually shown to be in any way dangerous, but because his body is decorative and he really can't beat Kendal in a straight fight, Tynan just seemed like an environmental hazard with a punchable face - because functionally that's what he was. Plus, Erin's confidence and own OP-ness started affecting the audience. I saw people genuinely expecting the fight to be over in a few pages, as if I would really let the arc-ending bossfight fizzle out because Erin had one idea.

So on a large scale, it was very important to let Tynan turn into a dragon, because it forever establishes in the story what exactly godhood means. I can talk all I want about divine oversouls and sentinels and domains, but sometimes you just gotta let the character say "fuck it" and turn that theoretical power into something tangible, like a giant lightning dragon.

Fun fact, though, Erin blowing himself up was a surprise. I knew he was gonna be out of commission after Tynan snagged him but it wasn't until I started boarding that page that I realized, yeah, Erin would absolutely blow himself up if it meant flipping one last megaton bird.

Good work, team!

#asks #behind the curtain #aurora

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runn1ngn0se · 1 year

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I really hope that Nightheart x Sunbeam is a trashfire of a relationship and for that to be the point.

We as a society forgot that the point of Romeo and Juilet was that the two of them were rebelious, emotionally charged teenagers who got infatuated with eachother once, but then when their families steped in and started telling them no, in defiance they pushed further and further into eachother into it eventually killed them both. The tragedy wasn't that they never got to love eachother, it was because they never got to explore their relationship in an honest manner that wasn't them acting spiteful to everybody else.

The point of Nightheart and Sunbeam is that their entire relationship is based off them using eachother to act in defiance of or to escape their clanmates (Squirrelflight, Bramblestar, and Sparkpelt in Nightheart's case, and Lightleap, Blazefire, and Berryheart in Sunbeam's case), and that the two a very clearly both emotionally unstable [Ya sure Nighthearts show that plenty of times, but Sunbeam was just seething at Lightleap in the most petty manner durring her little bothers funeral]

My hope for Shadow and onward is that they have a honeymoon period at first where they're all lovey-dovey, but then relationship slowly but surely begins to slip apart as their more unstable elements clash, but the two will refuse to seperate because it would mean making Squirrelflight and Berryheart smug, so it just continues to rot until it finally explodes in dramatic fashion.

The fact the the will-they-won't-they aspect of the story is already over 2 books in (which is the usual way to keep a romance plot like this going, see BristleRoot), and they couldn't possibly fill 2/3rds of 4 books with "Berryheart doesn't like Nightheart", they need something more for their story and I think this would be great for material.

I know this fandom would hate a story like that, but I've always been capivated by the toxic trashfires of relationships like RaggedYellow, and I'm excited to see us get that as a plot in a main series arc.

I really do hope this is their intention, cause if they do play it off as actually genuine and correct, then this arc is gonna be another kind of trashfire.

I understand people's hesitation to believe that the Erins could pull of a storyline like this without it slipping and falling on its face given their track record, but I'm willing to wait it out and see if they can stick the landing. Shadow is going to be a really important book in solidifying how i feel about this arc going forward

Also people who say Frostpaw's chapters are the only good ones only care about "the plot" and I think those people are boring

#warrior cats #nightheart #sunbeam #a starless clan #asc sky

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the-queen-and-the-king · 2 months

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6-Down and up

Summary: Strauss storms up in Aaron's office with a smirk he doesn't like. She has something to announce and he won't appreciate the news.

Characters: Aaron Hotchner x Emily Prentiss (and Strauss and the BAU team)

Contents: angst with a bunch of comfort and fluffiness.

This text is a part of a "What if?" self-challenge named: Seven days only. The pitch is: "What if Aaron discovered all by himself that Emily was sent to France when she was under witness protection and decided to tell her the truth about his feelings for her?" I limited myself to seven texts for this AU in a nutshell. Hope you'll like it. :)

PS : English is not my mother language so they are necessarily mistakes. Sorry about that.

PPS: This is the longest chapter of the story.

“Hotchner!”

Aaron barely suppressed a gasp as his superior's voice boomed behind his back. He swiveled his chair to face her and was struck by the flashes of lightning in her blue eyes.

“… Chief Strauss?”

With her arms folded across her chest, the fifty-something wore a sneering grin that boded ill for the future. What followed proved him right.

“You're fired,” she announced, not hiding her contentment.

“Wh…? What? He stammered, caught off guard. But… why?”

Clearly, this wasn't the first time she'd openly threatened to kick him out of Quantico, but she'd never before uttered such a sentence. Let alone with so much confidence. A feeling that soon turned to cold anger.

“You really dare to ask me why? Well, I'll tell you: for serious offence, breach of protocol and endangering the life of one of your employees, she spouted, hammering each of these reasons, and then returned to her sly expression. Do I need to be any clearer?”

The profiler's brain began to cogitate at full speed. He tried to attach these blames to a situation or a word he had provoked or said during the previous weeks, but nothing came to mind. The day before, Emily had come to join him in his office at the end of the day and, where they had always been careful to avoid any sign of affection between them on federal premises, they had embraced and kissed. He frowned, confused. They were alone on that floor. Of course, there were surveillance cameras, but only above the bullpen area, the meeting room and in the corridor. All the other rooms had none. And yet…

And yet, everything matched what he was accused of. Their relationship was totally forbidden by the Bureau's rules and regulations, and because of his hierarchical position, he was even more at fault than his companion. The fact that she was pregnant, with twins no less, was the icing on the cake for the section chief, who had been dreaming of getting rid of him since he arrived. Aaron felt his heart racing and his insides twisting, but he showed nothing of his discomfort, displaying his most neutral air possible. Especially as he saw a potential way out.

“… Who took that decision?”

“The Steering Committee, after I'd explained the situation to them, replied Erin with some satisfaction. You have five minutes to pack before I call security.”

“Wait, there…”

The recourse he had been considering had suddenly closed under his nose. If the bigwigs had made this choice despite the agency's good results, it was because he'd had a target on his back for a long time. By trampling on one of the institution's most important rules, he had pulled the trigger himself. However, he couldn't let himself be buried without a bit of a fight. He had to find a way to bounce back.

“What about the job you offered me with the white collar task force?”

“Already provided, she retorted dismissively. And even if it had still been available, do you honestly believe that the Committee would have given you a branch management position again after what you've done?”

She looked at him with evident contempt. From her point of view, this form of lawlessness was the worst thing any could have done. She would have understood any act of violence to protect a loved one, keep a job to provide for a family or even climb the ladder of hierarchy; just as she would have turned a blind eye to possible bribes, but to spit on the rules for a few seconds of happiness was beyond her comprehension. He couldn't have disgusted her more than at this moment.

“… Our relationship is totally consensual, and I've never favored her over anyone else,” he said, dodging her gaze.

“I don't care, she snapped immediately. Your credential, your access card, and your guns. Now.”

He sank back into his seat, vanquished. After seven years of relentless battle with FBI brass, he had no choice but to concede defeat. He would have to leave his peers behind, and without the honors he had imagined for his departure. He would leave by the back door, without Champagne, without gifts, and without even a hug. Just a box with two or three odds and ends that had always belonged to him, and the angry glances of the agents on the sixth floor who would find, like Strauss, that what he had dared to commit was utterly disgraceful.

Jack's little head appeared in his mind and a vise tightened sharply around his torso, cutting off his breath. How was he going to reveal this to him? How was he going to justify that love could lead to this kind of disaster? The boy knew he had to keep his father's new relationship a secret – and he'd held his tongue to this day – but all the implications of this story logically escaped him. He was far too young to realize that loving someone could carry very heavy penalties. And it was out of the question for his sire to put it that way.

“You've got no right to do that!” cried a female voice.

Aaron snapped out of his reflections to discover that Emily had burst into the room and was glaring at her fellow. She didn't seem the least bit impressed by her shooting.

“Want to bet?”

“He needs this work! He's got a child to support!” stressed the ex-Interpol agent, one hand resting on her rounded belly.

He felt like intervening to point out that the director was perfectly aware of this detail and seemed to pay little attention to it. But he held back, realizing how much this remark would not be appreciated by his partner.

“Well, he should have thought twice before flouting FBI rules,” Strauss hissed, raising a defiant eyebrow.

“He didn’t take that decision alone!”

“Emily, please...” he interjected, sensing that this conversation was becoming detrimental to her as well.

“No! she cut him off in return, glaring. There is no ‘please’! She decided to do it out of pure revenge, without worrying about the consequences.”

“I'm still here, by the way,” grumbled her target, who didn't like it at all when people ignored her presence, let alone denigrated it.

The former prosecutor understood that Emily was so wound up that stopping her was going to be complicated. It felt like trying to stop a train with his bare hands.

“What would you have said if your husband had been fired just as you were about to give birth to his son? Huh?” she exclaimed, paying no further attention to the father of her babies.

“You knew the risks, it seems to me, reminded her much calmer opponent. So you’ve only got yourselves to blame.”

He saw the blood rise to his lover's cheeks and her jaws clench. Her level of fury was such that her arms trembled. He had to do something before this discussion got out of hand and they both ended up on the sidewalk with their belongings under their arms. This would be particularly problematic with three children to raise. He still had to find the right boarding maneuver.

“… You're gloating, aren't you? Squeaked the mother-to-be, barely loosening her teeth. You get…”

“Emily! Her partner thundered. Chief Strauss, may I speak with Agent Prentiss for a moment?”

The profiler gave him a dark look that he ignored. It was temporary. Her anger would subside with the departure of her opponent.

“… You have five minutes, said the latter, with a pinched air. Then I'll call security and you'll be led out of here by force.”

Which would please her far too much to grant her the honor. This didn't give him as much time as he would have liked, but he would do what was necessary to get out of here without the intervention of the security guards. The couple watched Erin leave, then the next ex-tenant rose to pull down the blinds. He wanted to talk to the one he loved without feeling all the stares of his employees. He then turned to Emily, who still looked like she wanted to claw his eyes out.

“Calm down,” he advised, trying to put his hands on her shoulders.

“How do you expect me to calm down?! She retorted, taking a step back. She just kicked you out when... when I'm about to give birth. And you just stand there without reacting.”

Tears threatened to roll down her cheeks and she stumbled over every word. Grief, fear, stress, and anger fought vigorously in her head and heart, and he wanted more than ever to take her in his arms. But he had to make her understand that the game was over for him.

“I've been accused of serious offence and of endangering the life of one of my men, and there's nothing I can do about it.”

She frowned, first from confusion and then from annoyance.

“I’m not in danger!”

“Pregnancy is not a trivial matter. And a twin pregnancy even less so.”

He would have liked to back up his words with a few telling statistics, but he didn't have Spencer's expertise in that domain. And even if he had, the adrenalin pulsing through his veins prevented him from gathering his thoughts.

“But... Emily hiccupped, before pouncing on the first bait her anguish-suffocated brain came up with. Someone saw us. Somebody ratted us out. We must find them and…”

“Emily, it doesn't matter who's responsible for this,” he lied, repressing his natural curiosity.

At this hour, however, he would have given anything to know the identity of the rat who had exposed them out, so that he could tell them his point of view on the matter.

“It must be very recent, continued his partner, who hadn't heard a thing. It may have been yesterday. It must. Strauss would never have waited several weeks to grant her dearest wish.”

He was impressed to see that, even under such high levels of anxiety, which made her talk too fast, she was still able to formulate reasoning that made sense. But she had to come back to the present time and be careful of what he said. Several minutes had already elapsed and he would not be entitled to any extras. He clutched his companion's biceps and caught her gaze.

“Emily, listen to me.”

“I don't want you to go,” she said, two tears running down her chin.

“I know. Me neither, but the Committee has made its decision and they're not going to go back on it.”

“But this is your agency, your baby. You can’t leave us like this.”

His throat tightened.

“You'll do just fine without me. In fact, you never really needed me.”

“Don't say that!” she exclaimed abruptly, freeing herself from his embrace.

She hated to hear him denigrate himself, he knew, but even if he sometimes more or less consciously distorted reality, here he was sure he had a rather realistic view of things.

“It’s the truth. Now that you're all here and know the mechanics, you can continue this adventure without my help.”

She scanned him without saying a word, didn't seem to notice the new pearls that escaped along her cheekbone, then sat down on the nearest seat, trembling. He settled down opposite her, on the coffee table, and intertwined his fingers with hers in what he hoped would be a soothing gesture.

“… Wh… what are we going to do?”

“I’ll find a new job.”

“Which one?”

“I don’t know yet, he admitted, but I will. I have too, anyway. And you're going to stay here and take my place.”

“What?” she croaked, trying to get away again.

He held her back because it was crucial that she pay attention to the end.

“You're the one who's best qualified to take over this position. You know the team; you know the job and you're much more diplomatic than I am.”

No doubt if he had been less cold and more accommodating to his peers, the punishment would have been different. But political imbroglios and hypocritical kowtowing weren't really his thing.

“I'm going to give birth in the next few days,” she reminded him in a matter-of-fact tone.

“Derek will act as interim manager until you return from maternity leave, but then it's up to you to take over.”

Confusion flashed across her face. She was unsettled by this sensed answer, suggested with such ease at a moment like this. He'd never dare admit to her that he'd thought about this problem months before, so that one of them would be there to take care of Jack and the twins properly. He wasn't happy about leaving the BAU, but he wasn't young anymore and his body had already been through a lot. He no longer had the resources, physical and mental, to keep up with the pace imposed by their profession, and the children needed a parental presence. Later, he would suggest that she take on the administrative tasks of the post to limit the risk of premature death, but this was not on the agenda yet.

“Strauss never let me,” remarked a more composed Emily.

“You'll find the arguments to convince her, he assured her, confident in her negotiating skills. And, in any case, she can't make this decision alone. She'll need the Committee's approval, and they have nothing to hold against you.”

“My funeral cost thousands of dollars.”

“Yes, but you were unconscious all along. They know that it was not your idea then.”

She immediately realized that he had once again taken on the entire burden. She wouldn't have been surprised to learn that, according to his testimony, JJ had nothing to do with the whole affair.

“Aaron…”

“I'll be fine, don't worry,” he said, intercepting a tear that had just spilled from her eyelid.

She closed her eyes, leaning her head against the palm of his hand. She was hurting, probably as much as he was, but held back from letting herself go completely. It was not the time nor the place.

“HOTCHNER!”

They startled in unison, turning their irises towards the open office door.

“I've got to go; can you take care of getting my things together?”

She nodded, too upset to find the strength to speak. He wiped yet another tear from her cheek, squeezed her fingers briefly, stood up, placed a kiss on her forehead and, with a heavy heart, left the place for the last time in his life. He joined Strauss in a few strides, ignoring the spotlights on him. All the agents present stared at him, expressing a whole battery of different emotions. Most were baffled. Reid was overcome by panic and looked around for support. Dave was clinging to the railing that bordered the walkway, seething inwardly. JJ, who had gone to warn Penelope, looked as shocked as the analyst. Morgan was absent, preoccupied with one of the tasks he'd handed over to him after his rehabilitation. And a few others seemed far too serene to be honest. His dismissal was not bad news for everyone.

“Your badge, weapons and access card?” thundered the section leader, indifferent to the general unease.

“On my desk.”

She smirked, then led the way. He didn't dare raise his eyes in the direction of his team members. Not because he was ashamed, but because he feared he would collapse completely when he read the pain on their faces. His lover was right: this agency was his creation; and these profilers were his extended family. And he was forced to abandon them without a word of explanation, without even a goodbye. A crack opened in his chest as the elevator doors swung open to engulf him. He had to bite the inside of his cheek and dig his nails into his skin to keep from exposing to his enemy the pain that was devouring him at the moment.

Then he heard a scream, muffled by the glass plates marked with the FBI seal, which he recognized at once. Reaching out to activate the cabin's presence sensors, he leapt into the corridor, shouting:

“Emily!”

Several hours had passed since the stage was set, and the team was occupying some of the seats in the maternity waiting room that had followed Emily's pregnancy. Armed with their phones, and Penelope's laptop, the agents tried to get on with their work despite the confusion in their heads. Since their arrival, they had had no news of their colleague and friend, Aaron having disappeared at the same time as her. Derek suddenly appeared, finally free of his obligations, and he wasn't happy.

“Is it possible to know what’s going on here?!”

“Emily's water broke,” Spencer announced, looking up from his paper file.

“Yes, I know. I've received four messages with this information, he revealed, a little more calmly. I was referring to the rest. What’s this all about? Why did Strauss fire Hotch?”

“Because he’s the twin’s father.”

All eyes, wide with surprise, turned to JJ.

“What?” replied the group in chorus, Dave excepted.

The former liaison officer sighed and reached for her personal phone.

“Look at this photo, she advised, turning the screen towards them. It’s from Henry’s birthday.”

They all leaned in with intense concentration to see themselves dancing in the garden of the couple she formed with Will. It was dark, the lanterns were diffusing their warm light and the guests seemed to be having a good time. At first glance, there was nothing to suggest this.

“Yes, that’s us. So what?” asked her neighbor, puzzled.

JJ took back her property, enlarged a certain area of the image, and put it back under their noses.

“Look at the background.”

This time, behind the pixelated faces, they could see Emily and Aaron sitting side by side on a bench, deep in conversation. There was nothing wrong or abnormal about it. But, the way the manager's hand rested on his employee's thigh spoke volumes about the true nature of their relationship.

“How long have you…?” Penelope stuttered.

“It’s been weeks now, she confessed. I wanted to make a photo album for my mother, and while retouching some of them, I came across this.”

“And why didn't you tell us about it?” wanted to know Derek, offended.

“Because I wanted to discuss about it with them first. But the occasion never showed up.”

That and the fact that she felt it wasn't her role to make such a revelation.

A stony silence fell over the group, which took in the information as best it could. In other circumstances, they might have fun with it, but the context wasn't exactly a laughing matter. Derek was the first to recover his sense of speech.

“O… okay. They sleep together. Fine. But… in the end, they’re not doing anything wrong.”

The tone was more questioning than assertive. He needed to hear what others were feeling.

“FBI regulations clearly state that sexual and romantic relationships between colleagues are prohibited, and even more so when the two partners don't have the same status,” recited Spencer, in his usual professorial tone.

“I'm aware of that, Einstein, grumbled the ex-policeman, but the fact is, who cares? I mean, in all this time, Hotch hasn't benefited or disadvantaged Emily any more than us. He continued to run the unit as he always had.”

Penelope nodded vigorously in agreement.

“But that doesn't mean he has the right to be with her,” JJ reluctantly pointed out.

Like the other blonde in the room, she had no problem with the couple her friend formed with their superior – on the contrary, she'd never seen her happier than in recent months – but Bureau policy was perfectly clear on the subject.

“As if we could decide who we fall in love with! assented Derek, unable to sit still any longer. That’s ridiculous! Don't tell me this is the Committee's only argument for kicking him out.”

“He's been charged with serious offense, breach of protocol, and endangering the life of one of his employees,” repeated Dave, who had heard Strauss's words through the party wall separating his workspace from that of the unit manager.

“Wha…? His interlocutor choked, dumbfounded. And what? He raped her, maybe?”

“He may have used his influence as a high-ranking officer to obtain sexual favors from her.”

“Bullshit! We all know that it’s false!”

“Yes, because we know him, bounced JJ, who understood her colleague's morgue. But upstairs…”

The whole team knew that Hotch was the last person in the world capable of committing inappropriate acts against his subordinates. It was hard enough for him to put up with any of them hugging him – as friends – so it was highly unlikely that he'd perpetuate touching on anyone. As for abusing his authority to get something done, it would be to misunderstand him to think that he would ever stoop to such a level. More often in the background than in the limelight, he only played the agency manager card when it came to protecting his team. The rest of the time, he was just another federal agent. And then, since his divorce and then Haley's death, they'd all been able to note that his need for trifles was certainly what influenced his behavior the least. To not say that he doesn’t care at all. Except that, to find out, you'd need several years' experience working alongside him, which Management didn't have.

“’And endangering the life of one of his employees,’ said Derek, quoting Dave. And then what? Emily's in no more danger now than we are when we go out into the field to investigate.”

“The mortality rate among women pregnant with twins is three times higher than for single pregnancies. And for all pregnancies combined, the national mortality rate is 13.3 per hundred thousand, compared with 34.9 in DC alone.”

They all watched Spencer, eyebrows furrowed. They regularly thought they'd finally become accustomed to these outpourings of clinical facts, detached from any emotional aspect, but the youngest of the bunch still managed to surprise them. Which was not necessarily for their liking.

“Are you serious?” Derek thundered, far from amused.

“It’s the statistics.”

“But it's horrible! squeaked Penelope, paler than usual. Do you realize that you’re talking about Emily?”

“Okay. Stop, intervened JJ before the discussion could continue. Aaron is coming back.”

Indeed, he was heading up the corridor towards the waiting room, where he had been told a number of people were hoping for news. Someone had made that statement to him, but he couldn't remember who – surely a member of the hospital staff – or when – he didn't even know what time it was. Everything was upside-down in his head. He'd started the day by tumbling down the social ladder at breakneck speed, going from manager to unemployed in the blink of an eye. Then he'd been afraid for the woman he loved for far too long. He had stayed by her side as long as possible, holding her hand, encouraging her, bringing her everything she needed, ignoring the calls of his own body. He'd seen her cry, clench her teeth, writhe in pain, struggle with all her might, and fight the urge to give up. He'd heard her screaming, begging, moaning, praying, grunting, and huffing for an eternity. She'd crushed his hand, his wrist, his shoulder – everything she'd been able to hang on to in her agony had been subjected to an exceptional pressure that only people in her position were capable of deploying. He hadn't said anything, of course, because it was the last thing he would have the right to do. When it came to giving birth, only the mother-to-be mattered.

There were so many emotions racing through his skull that he was trembling when he reached his men, who had all risen to their feet as he approached.

“So?” asked Penelope, clutching her bag.

The computer expert's voice seemed to come from far away, and he felt as if he had returned to the time when one of his eardrums was being rebuilt after the New York bombing. He hadn't really understood what she'd said, but there weren't many questions you'd ask in a maternity ward. Painfully, he gathered his wits, swept away the parasitic sensations, to formulate an intelligible sentence.

“… Uh… everybody is fine.”

All the agents around him raised their arms in the air, showing expressions of joy mixed with relief. They applauded, embraced each other, and fell joyfully on him one after the other. He didn’t know if he reacted. Words popped into his head, and he spelled them out without really being conscious of the tone he was using.

“Twins are all good. They are small, but alive. And Emily is exhausted, but she'll get over it, he asserted, sensing that his second state was beginning to dissipate. Look, I’ve got to tell you something.”

“We know.”

This collegial reply was enough to snap him out of his trance.

“… How… What do you mean?” he stammered, bewildered.

JJ handed him her phone, and he saw himself with Emily on a familiar bench, in an attitude that spoke for itself. He briefly regretted having had this moment of weakness, then told himself that perhaps it was for the best. He wasn't sure he had the energy for long speeches.

“Oh. Okay. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, he apologized, looking at them. We… we thought it was the best thing for the whole team.”

“It would have made things so much simpler if you'd told us the truth right away,” JJ pointed out, realizing now how much they'd had to do to keep her in the dark.

“We… we improvised, he confessed, embarrassed. This pregnancy was definitely not on the agenda.”

He hoped that his sluggish tessitura did not imply that this double birth was a bad thing. Because that wasn’t his feeling at all. He simply hadn't expected to become a father again so soon. Or just to become a father again.

“But how long has this been going on between you?” asked Dave, curious.

“Eight months, he said without blinking. I… I figured out from talking to JJ where she was and I... I did my research.”

The irises of his peers focused on him, transfixed.

“Did you find out where she lived without my help?” advanced Penelope, incredulous.

“… Yes.”

The profilers looked at each other, both stunned and fascinated. Somewhat like Spencer, but to a lesser extent, Aaron was an old school man, who handled new technologies with great care and a low average success rate. That he'd managed to locate someone on the other side of the ocean, in a country whose language he didn't understand, on the basis of a handful of words alone, was fabulous, to say the least. His passion for Emily had obviously given him wings. Dave burst out laughing and patted him on the shoulder, blown away by this mastery.

“As far as Strauss is concerned, I'm sure there's a way to make her reconsider her decision,” said Derek, who had fallen out of the general euphoria faster than the others.

“Look, I don't think it's such bad news after all,” Aaron countered, a shy smile on his lips.

“What?” shouted the group.

He had expected this outcry and so unfolded his plea.

“Yes, with three children at home, one of us is going to have to work slightly less flexible hours and be less likely to get hit by a stray bullet. And, of the two of us, I'm the older.”

“What should I say?” ironized Dave, who was ten years older than him.

“You don’t have any children to take care of.”

It may have been a low blow on his part, but it was the truth. An epicurean by nature, the BAU co-founder had mostly enjoyed life on his own, forming only fleeting relationships with women. A life choice like any other, in the end, but one that left him freer of his movements than Aaron or JJ – and now, Emily – who had to constantly integrate their offspring into all their decisions. David bowed without a snub.

“Okay, that's all well and good, commented Penelope, but the real question is: can we see them?”

“As soon as I get the go-ahead, yes.”

“Like, that go-ahead?”

She pointed to the nurse who had just arrived at his back and was waiting. He went closed to her.

“The little ones have been put into an incubator and your companion is with them,” she told him gently.

“Thank you.”

She smiled at him and then walked in the opposite direction. He returned to his people.

“We can go. Just one thing first, he said immediately, cutting them off. The babies are in an incubator so Emily can't hold them. So don't say a word about my eviction and try to make this day a good memory for her.”

He felt a little foolish asking them to do such a thing, but the agents' moved and benevolent expressions reassured him.

“Aye, aye, sir!” said JJ, leading the way.

The whole group moved to Emily’s room. They discovered her bedridden in a thin, pale blue blouse, her features taut and some of her hair still stuck to her face with residual sweat. Next to her was a large, transparent, enclosed structure in which two small forms were swaddled in blankets. Two tiny heads protruded from the ground, framed by fists a few centimeters in circumference, with caps placed over them. Each of different color.

“Congratulations!” cried the newcomers.

Touched, the mother of the family accepted hug after hug without holding back her tears. Aaron watched the show from the sidelines, restraining himself from reaching up to kiss and cradle her. He knew there was a lot of joy and relief in those tears, but not only that. However, he had given instructions and they applied to him too.

“Well done, honey! JJ congratulated her again. It couldn't have been easy, but you rose to the challenge with flying colors.”

“Thank you, replied her friend, her voice uncertain. Thanks for all your advice.”

“Bravo, bravo, bravo! They're magnificent! exclaimed Penelope, struggling to contain her own emotion. You've done a masterful job.”

Out of reflex, Emily turned her gaze to the pair of infants, from whom little could be made out. She herself had seen them only briefly, as the first had been quickly taken from her hands so that she could take out the second. The nurses then kept them with them to give them first aid. Aaron had been kicked out of the obstetrics block immediately afterwards, as was customary, although he knew perfectly well what procedure his partner had undergone at the time. But, unlike what had happened with Jack, he hadn't been allowed to hug his children, or even approach them. He had witnessed the usual battery of examinations through the porthole of a fire door, catching glimpses here and there of stunted fingers or a frail leg. In other words, neither he nor she really knew what their offspring looked like.

“Aaron had a bit to do with it,” said his lover, crossing his pupils.

The interested party smiled shyly.

“At the same time, with two bombshells like you two, they’re bound to be little splendors,” decreed the analyst, peering through the glass to see more.

“Please, I look terrible.”

“You look gorgeous, she contradicted immediately. Isn’t she gorgeous?”

“Objectively speaking, yes,” he replied, admiring the woman he loved.

She was exhausted, sweaty, and disheveled, but she was still the most beautiful creature he thought this Earth had ever borne. And her burst of laughter after this line of humor gave her an added charm. The former hacker was right: if the twins had taken after their mother, they were certainly beautiful. Emily wiped a tear from her cheek.

“Sorry for not telling you.”

“Who cares? Snapped Penelope, raising an eyebrow at her neighbors. The main thing is that you're well and those little monsters are healthy.”

This burst of relativism restored color to the profiler and warmed the unit manager's chest.

“What are they called anyway?” wanted to know Spencer, who craned his neck to try and see more than a bit of nose or fingernails as big as pinheads.

Emily and Aaron exchanged a knowing glance and a genuine smile spread across her lips. They'd been waiting for this question for weeks, eager to hear their friends' reactions. And the time has come finally.

“So, just so you know, Jack chose the middle names, he explained first. We chose the first ones.”

As soon as he knew the gender of the fetuses, the little boy expressed his wish to name the new members of his family himself. His father and the mother-to-be had offered him this deal, and he had accepted. They had feared for a moment that he'd be selecting surnames at random from a calendar or the TV program, but he'd thought very hard about this problem before making a suggestion. And the fact was that the jury agreed with his choices. All that remained was to see if the same would be true for their kinds. Emily took the initiative.

“So, the little pink hat is Louise – because we made them in France – Penelope.”

All attention shifted to the luscious blonde, who opened her mouth several times without making a sound. Jack adored the computer scientist, whom he found simply extraordinary. The fact that he wanted to pay tribute to her by naming his little sister after her didn't really surprise the parents.

“Pen... Me?” gurgled the young woman, bewildered.

“Yes, you,” confirmed Emily, delighted with her effect.

“Oh, it’s… it’s…”

Penelope – the adult – began to cry loudly, flapping her hands around her head as if she hoped this would close the floodgates that had just opened. The surrounding audience was tenderly amused by the situation. Or almost.

“You've managed the feat of nailing her, congratulations,” laughed Derek, hilariously.

His target struck him hard on the shoulder, eyebrows furrowed behind her glittery glasses.

“I'd like to see you in my place, she growled, before turning to face those responsible for her condition. You both!”

“It’s Jack,” Emily defended herself.

“Did I ever tell you that we should erect a statue to your son?”

“No, but he'd love the idea,” replied the man who'd been her superior just a few hours earlier.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you! I love you so much!”

She hugged them with unsuspected strength, while continuing to let her tears of happiness flow. The couple were happy to see her react so well.

“What about her brother?” inquired JJ.

“And the little blue hat, began Aaron, is Samuel Derek.”

All eyes turned to the Chicago native. Eyes wide with surprise, he'd lost his playboy-ish grin.

“De… Derek?”

“Yes, that way he's more likely to have big arms to protect his little sister,” justified the giant, repeating his offspring's words.

He saw the man who had been acting as his replacement swallow. The information was difficult to digest, and understandably so. The two men had always had a stormy relationship, alternating between mutual respect and sharp jabs, guided by the same propensity to defy authority and the same desire to mark their territory. And yet, despite all their clashes, the eldest had agreed that his second son would bear the first name of the man who coveted his throne.

“That's a mouthful, Mr. Stone-heart!” exulted Penelope, delighted by this sudden catatonia.

“Wow! he finally uttered, shaking his head. Thank you.”

He tried to hide it, but everyone saw his shining eyes. Emily spread her arms to encourage him to come back and give her a hug, and he yielded to her call without a struggle. A simple pat on the back with Aaron is enough for the pack's two alpha males. JJ rolled her eyes to hold back her comment on this all-male prudery.

“And who was born first?” asked Spencer.

“Louise,” the couple replied in unison.

___

If you want, I can give you the name of the snitch. :D

Well, here are the most beautiful babies of the Creation! /o/

Next and last chapter >>

#hotchniss #criminal minds #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner x emily prentiss #emily prentiss #criminal minds fanfiction #hotchniss fanfiction #fluff #seven days only #angst #bau team #jj #penelope garcia #derek morgan #spencer reid #david rossi #erin strauss

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marshmallows2345 · 2 years

Note

Prompts 20 and 23 with Erin Lindsay possibly? I’m not sure if 2 prompts would be fine since you asked for one but I couldn’t decide and they worked well together (ish?)

Thank you so much for writing, no rush in writing this, hope you have a good day 🤍

YAY ERIN I HAVEN’T GOTTEN TO WRITE FOR HER YET

20. “God, you look pretty like this…”

23. “Fuck, you’re good at that.”

Content warning: suggestive content, some mild smut, but nothing too dirty

Buying lingerie for your girlfriend had become your favorite pastime.

Erin had a killer body, and she could make anything look good, even a trash bag. But she didn't have a lot of lingerie, and you couldn't understand why. She was gorgeous, and from what you heard about her ex, he wasn't exactly a bad looking guy. Nothing seemed to add up, but she explained that she never really valued it. It never felt like it made a difference in her sex life, plus most of the time it was uncomfortable.

You came home one day with a bag from a lingerie store. You'd gotten her a beautiful black lace set, and you'd made sure that it was soft and comfortable, even trying on a set in your own size to make sure it was comfortable enough for Erin. She'd probably say that it was a bit skimpy, with the bra and panty being so skimpy and sheer with lace. But you knew that she would appreciate it.

When you came home with the bag, you found Erin on the couch with a beer, and you dropped the bag on her body.

"Whats this?" She asked as she looked through the bag. "Babe..."

"I know you said you never valued it and that you found it uncomfy, but I thought that you would like this one. It's comfy, pretty, and I tried it on myself just to be sure."

"Yeah? Well why don't I go try it on, and I'll model it for you."

“Ooh yes, I want a whole fashion show!”

Erin took the bag from you and she left to go change. You made yourself comfy on the couch, waiting for her to come back out. When she did, she took your breath away. The set fit her perfectly, and she looked radiant in it. Black lace barely covered her cunt; you could see her outer lips through the thin lace. Her breasts had only small triangles over her nipples, not that it mattered since hers were hardened already. She nestled herself in your lap, straddling your hips.

“I love it,” she said as she moved your hands to her breasts. “Do you feel how soft it is?”

“It’s beautiful. God, you look pretty like this…”

“I never thought I’d like lingerie,” she said as she shifted in your lap. “But then again, I never had a woman buying me it. I think I should thank you for it.”

“How so?”

“Well,” she said, undoing your pants and slipping her hand into your panties. “I could get in between your legs…”

“Keep going,” you moaned as she rubbed your clit. “Oh…Fuck, you’re good at that..”

“Let’s get those pants off, and I’ll show you just how much I appreciate this new set.”

#erin lindsay #erin lindsay x reader #erin lindsay smut

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herrmannhalsteadproduction · 2 years

Text

Will and Bex: ROOMIES! (Chapter One)

Summary: This is Part Nine of my series A Herrmann/Halstead Production. It is an AU where Christopher Herrmann's mom had an affair with Pat Halstead resulting in a baby. The series follows this OC character (Rebecca "Bex" Herrmann) as she grows up and gets to know her brothers and the various Chicago teams. It is very much an AU, just to underscore that. It doesn't follow the same timeline and characters will follow different paths.

Part One was Oopsie Baby which you can read here.

Part Two was Promises Kept which you can read here.

Part Three was Stop Adopting My Friends which you can read here.

Part Four was If You Give a Mouse a Cookie which you can read here.

Part Five was Now Kiss! which you can read here.

Part Six was Where There's a Will which you can read here.

Part Seven was First Rule of Game Night which you can read here.

Part Eight was A Fun Fair, an Alleged Flirtation, and a New Living Arrangement which you can read here.

Rating: Teen Audiences and Up

Relationships: Christopher Herrmann & Original Female Character, Jay Halstead & Original Female Character, Will Halstead & Original Female Character, Jay Halstead & Will Halstead, Greg 'Mouse' Gerwitz & Original Female Character, Jay Halstead & Greg 'Mouse' Gerwitz, Jay Halstead/Erin Lindsay, Pre-Will Halstead/Connor Rhodes

Warnings: Sibling Fighting (but they all make up), relationship angst, a car accident with minor injuries

A/N: I'll post the link to the ao3 page at the bottom. This story has not only an OC character, but some quirky elements which may or may not be everyone's jam. Just FYI. Updates will be slow coming as I pick away at them during breaks from work. I couldn't take a full break from this though - I'm too excited to write it so I made working on this series my reward for when I get stuff done, lol

Chapter One

“Are you sure about this, kiddo?” Chris asked as he loaded the last box into the back of his van.

“Pretty sure,” Bex replied, twirling her keys on her finger as she eyed her slightly sagging car critically. “The Tin Can has the lighter load so it should be able to make it to Will’s okay.”

“Not what I meant, but thank you for giving me something else to worry about,” Chris said, scrubbing a hand down his face. “I’m talking about you moving in with Will. Wasn’t so long ago you two were not on the best terms. I’m glad things are better now, but—”

“Chris,” Bex cut him off before he could build up too much Big Brother steam. “I get it. There’s a lot of ways this could go sideways, but we’re being optimistic. I think it could be really good.”

“Okay,” he replied, still looking a bit doubtful. “Just remember we can always fix up that room over the garage if you need it.”

“I know.” Bex leaned in to smooch his cheek. “Thanks, Chris.”

“Alright, alright, let’s get this show on the road.” He ruffled her hair and headed to the driver’s seat of the van. “I got rope if you need a tow.”

“Hah hah,” Bex tossed over her shoulder as she got into her own car. They drove over to Will’s (thank you very much) where he and Jay were waiting to help her load in. Between the four of them, it was quick work.

Both Jay and Chris had to head off to work, leaving Will and Bex on their own.

Roomies.

“So did you get the ‘are you sure about this’ talk too?” Will asked, shooting her a sideways look.

“Yes.” Bex rolled her eyes with a little laugh. “Do you think they co-ordinated?”

“Knowing those two, there was definitely some discussion.”

Bex sighed. “They mean well. And you’ll get used to it eventually.”

“I don’t mind,” Will shrugged. “Kind of nice, actually.”

She wondered if he’d still feel that way after a few more months of being Mama Chicken’d by Jay…but then again, Bex was getting the impression that Will didn’t have many people checking up on him in New York.

“You want to take that pile to the kitchen and I’ll take these to my room?” She kicked at the pile closest to her and Will scooped up the ones she’d pointed out.

“Pizza for dinner!” he called out.

She yelled her confirmation back and started lugging boxes. Within a few hours, they had everything put away and Bex was officially moved in.

“I think this is going to be good,” Will said as they devoured their freshly delivered pizza.

And it was!

For the most part.

Slowly over the next few weeks, Bex and Will did the getting to know each other dance that came with living in close quarters. Figuring out each other’s habits. Learning each other’s schedules. Comparing hobbies. Dealing with quirks.

Bex found out that Will also played guitar which he’d never mentioned to her before. He walked through the door one night while she’d been practicing on her acoustic and stopped to listen for a minute before asking her if she could teach him the riff she was working on.

And then disappeared into his room before popping back out with his own guitar.

So, she showed him and then they jammed together for a bit which became a semi-weekly thing.

Bex was kind of loving all of the little things they were finding out about each other. Even the ridiculously annoying things. Like Will taking forever in the bathroom to get ready.

Or the fact that he could not remember to move his clothes from the washer to the dryer to save his life.

That one actually got to her a little bit.

“It has a timer, Will!” she burst out on the day that particular quirk pushed the wrong button. Bex had gone to do her own laundry only to find a moldering pile of Will’s scrubs in the machine. “It beeps to let you know when it’s done! You can set a back up timer on your phone! Just don’t leave them in there to die.”

“Okay! Okay, I get it,” Will held his hands up in surrender. “You’d think someone who leaves their socks all over the apartment would be a little more forgiving about this.”

“Well, it’s not like there’s room in the washer for them, now is there?” she shot back.

“I will try to remember! And maybe,” he pointed a finger at her. “You could remember to take the garbage out when it’s your turn! And not leave it to stink up the place!”

“That was one time—”

“Three times! Three times, Bex!”

“Oh, my god, fine! My bad! I’ll—why are you smiling? Will! Stop. We’re having a fight. Why are you smiling like that, you weirdo?”

Will’s smile just got bigger the more she scowled at him. “It’s just—” he shrugged and laughed a bit. “We’re having a regular old brother and sister fight,” he said. “I don’t know. I just…it’s kind of neat.”

Bex stared at him before smiling back and chuckling. “You are so weird.”

“You don’t think it’s nice?”

She knew what he meant, in a way. Having a regular old low stakes fight and not being worried that it would derail their whole relationship was…actually kind of huge. “Yes, it’s nice,” she grumbled at him, not effectively since she was still grinning. “But that doesn’t get you out of the laundry thing. Go deal with that mess, please! I have sheets to wash!”

“I’m on it!” he saluted her before jogging over to the laundry units and she looked over at the garbage in the kitchen. Fair was fair. Bex bundled up the trash and started lugging it to the front door.

“Thank you, Bex,” Will called after her.

So…they were figuring it out. She’d definitely had worse roommates. And from how Will was acting, she thought he probably had too. And since she was spending so much more time with Will, she was actually seeing more of his friends and colleagues from Med.

Which of course meant that her second Very Specific Superpower kicked in.

“Ooooh, what ‘cha baking?” Will peered at the tray over her shoulder as she slid it into the oven.

“Nothing for you,” she said, patting his shoulder. “Sorry about it.”

“Who are they for?” He frowned down at the counter, poking at a chocolate chip before snatching it up and popping it in his mouth.

“Don’t know yet,” Bex shrugged.

“You made cookies and I can’t have any, but you don’t know who they’re for yet?” Will raised his eyebrows at her. “Oh, hang on, this is that thing, right? The cookie thing, I remember this.”

“It’s the cookie thing.”

He narrowed his eyes at her. “These are for someone I work with?”

She nodded. “Probably.”

“Well, this is going to be interesting to explain,” Will huffed out a laugh before grabbing his bag to head out to work.

“There’s no explaining the cookies, Will,” Bex called after him. “You just have to roll with it.”

“I’ll do my best!” The door slammed shut behind him and Bex smiled as she crouched to check on her cookies through the window of the oven door.

Maybe getting cookied was just what Will needed to help break the ice with some of his co-workers. Maybe a very specific co-worker.

The cookies did work in mysterious ways.

Click here for Chapter Two.

Click here for Chapter Three.

Click here for Chapter Four.

(Here's the link to read Will and Bex: Roomies! on ao3.)

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evepack · 2 years

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My Dream SMP OC!

Were should i start?

Well her name is Ema Berlin.

I have her for a LONG time but the only place that i mentioned her and showed her is in my youtube channel

Her backstory is ready its a mixture between fanon lore and canon but i will talk about that later for now only facts about her

#1: She is in the SMP since the start she was teleport there and fell into the lake around the comunity house and c!Dream help her when he noticed Ema strugling to get out of there (she was 8)

#2: She is a walking rose bush and was created in a cauldron by her mother (a witch) and her father (a human) she was meant to be a human but the first rose that her father giver to her mother somehow fell into the couldron and the she was born with a flower crown that if someone tried to take of would hurt Ema and vines in her arms and in one her legs that after some years would grow roses

#3:XD saved Ema and make her a Timetraveler and decided to throw her in the SMP he heal her eye but never take away the huge burn mark on her face. He wants her to be scarred forever (also the inbetween is not taking away her memorie it's taking away her sanity)

#4:Ema is a Timetraveler and she hates that

#5:Some of Ema's duos names are:

Potion Duo(she and c!Erin, they both were created using magic i was surprise when i see c!Erin's backstory and realise that they were created in the same way)

The pet owners (Ema and c!Techno, she has A LOT of pets that she hide's from c!Sapnap and Techno is self-explanatory)

Photography Duo (Ema and c!Ranboo, they created a photo album together and are good friends)

And the last one that i gonna mentioned is Attachment Duo (Ema and c!Dream, she is not gonna abandoned her first attachment in SMP and Dream is not gonna hurt the only person that is gonna be with him to the end of the world)

There's more but lets go to next fact

#6:Ema hates and fears fire (she is a walking plant and is easiely flamable)

#7:Ema relasionship with the 8 og SMP members;

C!Alyssa:she miss her, she wants her back

C!Callahan: she likes him, he likes her. Ema likes to follow him around when she can like a duck.

C!Awesome dude: She doesn't know. She hates that he cut off Ponk's arm, she hates that he let Quackity turtered Dream, she hates that he kidnap Micheal but... She can't hate him.

C!Ponk:she always likes to spend time with him. Everytime she gets hurts she hides it from anyone but not from Ponk

C!Sapnap:she was afraid of him when she got in the SMP and he didn't care about her when she first but 1 hour later he was like "If anyone hurt her i will fight you", of course their relasionship has ups and downs because he is part blaze and she is part plant like the times that Sapnap gets to excited his hair transforms into flames and made Ema run for at some corner in the room.

C!George:They're good friends. She used to feel sleep on him a lot as a child he didn't mind after its a excuse to him to do nothing while wating to her wake up but now she is the one waiting to him to wake up, waiting to XD free him from his dreams just to not even 1 day later to lock him in the dream world again

C!Bad:she miss his muffins, she miss his hugs, she miss to be with just singing little songs that come out of nowhere but after the Red Banquent she couldn't look at him. Bad wanted to kill her.Bad wanted to kill her with fire.

C!Dream:the first person that she care about in the SMP, she will do anything for him.

#8: Her personality: Ema is quiet and does not like loud noises unless its music, fireworks or just her friends having fun, her loyaty is endless if you dont hur her she will trust you forever. She is impatient and doesn't know how to express herself. She in honest most of the time and knows how to lie very well (thanks, c!Dream).

#9: Ema's appearence (in gacha and in minecraft because i can't drawn)

I like to imagine Ema i her minecraft clothes and roses wrapped in her arms and leg but with the burn mark and the scar in her shoulder and the glove in her hand and yes Ema doesn't wear shoes only if its armor or she visinting c!Techno

#10: She hates c!Tommy she was intrested in him when he got in the SMP now she only wants him to dissapear

/////

And that is what i gonna talk about her i gonna talk more about her later but for now tell me what you think of Ema my self-insert on the Dream SMP?

(I sorry if the descripiton of her personality is not clear enough im terrible at describing character's personality and sorry for any english mistakes)

#dream smp oc #c!dream #c!george #c!sapnap #c!ranboo #c!techno #dsmp

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museswithinx · 2 years

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"I have a past history of it, that's my evidence," she retorted, sticking her ground even as a grin still tugged at her lips. "You've been gross," she argued before sighing and rolling her eyes at the remainder of his remark. He was incorrigible. "Viking swear. Is that a thing?" She paused, and then thought of it, "swear on your mother's life." Taking a deep breath, she argued, "but Morgan--" She did want to drive the car, so she mumbled at an extremely rapid pace, "you're the prettiest man I've ever laid eyes on in real life."

Shaking her head, she made another face, "I don't think she does." Erin was lovely, but Sam was her opposite. Loud-mouthed little shit. "No, we're not."

It came naturally, so easily she didn't really think about it until she'd said it. She was going to get her brain scanned for trusting Deniz Mikaelson of all people, but she couldn't say she had misspoke. She did trust him. "Well, I have to think about the steps, Don Juan," she argued again. Laughing as he called her Mrs. McKay, she joked, "now I'd like to see you dance with her!" They so often called each other by silly nicknames that the sound of him saying her actual name surprised her as did the subtle jumpy-like movement in her stomach. "Let's finish this one, I'm determined to get it now. There will be time to tango." Shaking some of the wiggles out, she prepared herself to embrace the rhythm and try again. "Okay, show me again."

"A past history of lying and being wrong? I totally agree." He quips with a half-grin as he also stood his own ground. "I have never been gross," he insists despite her little eye roll. Deniz scoffed as she was about to make him swear on his mother's life. Obviously one he couldn't break. "Now that's hitting below the belt, bringing a man's mother into it." He retorts with a face. "Fine. I swear." As she argued for Morgan, Deniz placed his hands on his hips and waited. Smirking when she finally spat it out. "I knew you wanted me," he teases, "Now was that so bloody hard?"

There was a very small circle of people he trusted and who trusted him. Most were of blood relation to him. He certainly didn't hate hearing someone outside that trusted him. "The problem is you're overthinking them, Velms. It's making you sloppy, so you slip up. " He argues back before laughing at the idea. "She'd talk my ear off, that one," he jokes back as he smirks at the idea, "Do you think Eric's head would explode? He's quite the jealous type." With a nod, he positions himself to go through the steps again. "There will definitely be time to tango," he quips with a little wink before watching her do some 'wiggle' in preparation; an amused expression on his face. "Alright. Pay attention, querida." He said before demonstrating the movements again.

#ofstrengthisms #( deniz mikaelson ; )#( barely even friends then somebody bends ; deniz & ruth )#answered #//I love this a ton!!!

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drewsdrearydays · 1 year

Text

17.02.2018

My life just keeps getting more and more eventful and I don't know how to feel about that. NOT ONLY WAS THERE ONE MORE MURDER BUT WE ALSO HAD ANTONIO'S BIRTHDAY PARTY! THE BODY WAS JUST- wait, I should do this chronologically for the sake of my own sanity. June was kind enough to host a party to celebrate Antonio's birthday, (of course that means it was Erin's too but I don't think Erin really cared, but ALSO-nevermind, again, I'll get to it when I get to it. UGH so many things to tell you!) I wore this satin backless bodycon dress that Yusuf bought for me quite a while ago. It made me a bit uncomfortable because I guess I'm just not used to it- but god, it was worth it when I saw the look on Yusuf's face. He showed up at around 7:00 pm at my place- we were supposed to go together and reach by 7:30- but I guess Yusuf had other plans. We ended up opening a bottle of wine and spending some time just by ourselves. By the time I realized we had a party to be at it was already 8:30 and we (I) were half a bottle down. I had to remind Yusuf how rude it would be if we didn't show up because he was a bit reluctant. I guess he isn't a party person and I don't think I am either AFTER THIS PARTY. By the time we'd reached, Akira and Harry were already there. God I hate Harry. June came and spoke a few words once we'd settled in, she's such a sweet person! But I like Klaudia better, of course. Mocair and George were running across the bar carrying drinks and aperitifs. For someone who's as old as Mocair, he's quite agile. I thought I wouldn't drink considering I'd already had some but suddenly there was a glass of beer in my hand and José and Akeno were shouting chug. Thank god for Yusuf, he stuck by me all through the night. I think the only time I was out of his sight was during the FIGHT. All I remember is Harry making a stupid stupid joke about me being not smart enough like the actual middle school bully that he is and the next thing I know I had thrown my drink at him.

And then Erin immediately picked me up like I weighed NOTHING and separated the two of us. I sat back down and waited for the world to stop spinning as Erin sat by my side. Yusuf also showed up a few minutes later. Erin immediately threw a pointed stare and him and made a curt comment about him not having control on the number of drinks he was handling, which made Yusuf put down both the pints he had in his hand. I know Erin doesn't like him but I guess Erin doesn't like most people.

Once I felt a bit more like, well myself, Yusuf and I left. AND THEN THE MURDER HAPPENED. Guess who discovered the body? Harry Mathews, of course. When Antonio brought in the body I almost gasped. It was mutilated. There is no other way to put it. She was practically sliced in half, yet everything was so methodical. There was no passion about the crime but somehow there was care. Again there was the suspicious scar. Just like the others. I don't know what to make of it. Antonio seemed quite grim today too, he hasn't taken a single day for himself ever since the first murder. Yesterday was supposed to be his day off and yet…. I guess it is hard being him. Speaking of Antonio, I dropped by Erin's place to thank her for yesterday. Honestly I'm a bit scared of her, so I was glad to see that Antonio was also there when I went. The two of them were holding hands, I couldn't believe my eyes!! ERIN HOLDING ANYONE'S HANDS? She even offered me some biscuits and tea, and I ended up spending quite some time there. She's a whole new person with Antonio around. It's almost as if he softens her edge a little but again that is just me. Her and Antonio were just as competitive as usual though. I guess somethings never change. The two of them also exchanged gifts. Antonio had brought Erin a carburetor to add to the car Erin was building (how cool is that???). He'd got it delivered from the mainland more than a month ago. Erin was a bit embarrassed of the gift that she'd gotten him which was a new big green hat. The one Antonio always wore was slowly falling apart. I guess she felt that her gift wasn't good enough but as soon as Antonio opened him his eyes grew wide and he smothered Erin with a hug. He kept saying that he'd been thinking of getting this hat for days now, and that Erin could read his mind. Watching them be so...normal, I guess, felt good, because all I have been seeing and hearing for some time now is death, grief and pain. I'm learning to cherish these little pockets of happiness that we find. Afterall, if there is one thing that we Eadochans know best, it is to make the most of the sunshine because the storms are never too far away.

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babymetaldoll · 3 years

Text

DIWK - Chapter four: "Hurt"

Words count: 13,7K

The gif is mine ✨

Warnings: Hardcore Spencer trauma. Mention of drug abuse, torture, Criminal Minds usual case triggers. Spoilers of Season 2 E14/15 Criminal Minds.

Summary: An unsub abducts Spencer, and reader blames JJ for it.

A/N: Have you ever wished you were there to save Spencer from Tobias Hankel? I know I have. I know reader wants to... I'm dying to know what you'll think of this chapter! Sorry if it's a little too graphic, writing Spencer's POV of this episode was really hard.

Series Masterlist

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

(Y/N)'s point of view

I remember the day Emily Prentiss arrived. We had a case in Saint Louis. Two serial killers, 'cos it couldn't just be one asshole making everyone miserable. And on top of all, Hotch was confused and upset 'cos he never signed Emily's transfer to the BAU. It was like someone was trying to force her into the team, and we all thought it was weird.

We left the bullpen off to the case and left Prentiss in the office, not knowing if she actually got the job or not. I know Elle and I weren't incredibly close, but it still felt weird to think someone might join the team and try to replace her. It didn't work that way in that job. It didn't feel right at the moment.

There is something I also distinctly remember about that day: Gideon talked to me. And not only that, but he actually trusted my knowledge. We hadn't been on the best terms for a few months, so that approach meant a lot to me.

We were at the police station. Reid and I had been analyzing the letters one of the killers had sent to a journalist to find something that might help us catch him before there were any more victims. That's when JJ and Jason walked in, and he asked about our progress.

- "He only sent this to an individual, which shows he is not confident enough to initiate contact with the masses."- Spencer explained as he projected an image of the letter on the wall.

- "Emotional indicators are analyzed through slants, and you can see the shooter maintains vertical, narrow letter writing, and both are signs of repression"- I said and pointed at the image on the wall- "And the pressure, if you look closely, it's excessively heavy, which shows that he's uptight and can easily overreact."

Gideon looked at me and nodded. It was my cue to keep on talking. For once in a long time, I was feeling approved by him.

- "You got all that from his handwriting?"- JJ asked me, surprised. Reid looked at me from the other side of the room, and I could feel his smile reflecting how proud he was of me.

- "Graphology is an effective and reliable indicator of personality and behavior."

- "But my writing is always different,"- she added, and I nodded. I was waiting for that comment.

- "Yes, because it represents your emotions at the moment, just like your facial expressions parallel the way you are feeling while you are speaking."

- "What else can we know about our unsub from this?"- Gideon asked me.

- "Well, our killer uses simple statements, all first person, like "I won't be ignored," which means he's obviously tired of feeling this way. He may have a job in solitude or one that he feels strips of his identity. His work might require him to wear a uniform, something that shows absolutely no individuality, or he may be overqualified for his menial job and feels that he doesn't get the respect that he necessarily deserves."

I made a pause and waited for his words. I was giving my best, and I swear I was still hoping I could ever get Jason Gideon's blessing.

- "I think we are ready to give a profile,"- he said and nodded.

And damn, that felt good.

When we were back in Quantico, Hotch had a long and clearly awkward conversation with the section chief, Erin Strauss. She was scary. She was clearly trying to get rid of Hotch, questioning his work daily, decisions, and how he managed the team. Why? I have no idea.

It felt she forced him to accept Prentiss into the team. We were one man down after Elle left. Ok, one awesome woman down, so we definitely needed some help. And Emily was a great addition from day one.

We clicked right away. Prentiss was funny, smart, but most of all, she constantly had to prove she deserved to be there. Just like me. Gideon gave her the cold shoulder from day one, and that I could relate. The only difference was that she won him over in a few days, though. I was still trying to win that battle.

Garcia decided we needed a girl's night, and she hosted the first of many "BAU Girl Power get together." Basically, it was us at Penelope's place drinking and talking.

That first night, we updated Prentiss with everything that had happened with Elle. She wanted to know everything about us, what we did, how long we've been on the team, and how we all got along. It was sweet and fresh. After that year in the BAU, I had already learned to enjoy the sweet things in life. Like getting drunk with my work girlfriends.

- "So, does Hotch ever smile?"- Emily asked, and we all laughed at the very same time. Yes, it was getting late, and we weren't as sober as we should have been.

- "He does! he does!"- JJ assured us- "You should see him with his baby."

- "He is a dad?"- Emily was shocked. I was surprised too when I found out Aaron was married and with a baby. The amount of time he spends at work always made me feel he had zero personal life.

- "And has a beautiful wife"- JJ added- "He is always laughing when he is with her and baby Jack."

- "I guess this job can drain the happiness from your day... "- I thought out loud, but before anyone could say anything about my dark and bitter comment, my cell phone rang.

- "Hey honey bunny, everything ok?"- I stood up and walked to the kitchen. I didn't want to interrupt the girl's conversations.

- "Yes, I just wanted to make sure you were drinking enough water between drinks"- I laughed and shook my head. Only Reid could call to say such a thing. He was the sweetest friend on earth.

- "Yes, I am, don't worry. I'm not going to be hungover or drunk tomorrow. I know you are excited about the new exposition."

- "You are gonna love it!"

- "I am sure I will"- and I wasn't kidding. I loved when he dragged me to the Smithsonian or any museum for some nerdy fun.

- "Have fun with the girls."

- "What are you doing, by the way?"

- "Just reading a little, you left your complete Sherlock Holmes collection here, so I'll be solving mysteries while you get drunk."

- "Don't have too much fun without me"- he chuckled and ended the call. I smiled and walked back to the girls looking at me with a funny grin on their faces.

- "Was that your boyfriend?"- Penelope asked me, and I frowned right away.

- "No, it was Reid. He just wanted to confirm we are going to the museum tomorrow."

- "Wait"- Prentiss narrowed her brows and looked at us confused- "Reid ain't your boyfriend?"

JJ and Garcia's laughter was epical, as well as my frown. They nearly gasped for air while Prentiss and I waited until they calmed down.

- "No"- I finally answered- "Reid is not my boyfriend."

- "He is more than that; he is her work husband,"- Penelope clarified, and I turned to her with my mouth wide open, shocked.

- "What the fuck? Reid ain't my work husband. He is my best friend!!"

- "Yes, and you happen to call your best friend "honey bunny," right?"- JJ questioned, just like she had a few months before when we were alone in our room away on a case.

- "Reid is my best friend, and yes, I call all my close friends by weird pet names. You will get one too if you are lucky."

- "But I thought"- Emily continued- "I mean, he looks at you like you are his sun."

- "No, Prentiss, the only coupe in this team is the one between "chocolate thunder" and "baby girl" right here"- I pointed at Garcia, and she just blushed and covered her face.

- "My love for Derek will burn forever with the intensity of a thousand suns. I mean, have you seen that man? he was made by the gods and sent to earth just to give my existence some sense"- we all laughed at those cheesy words, though Pen was serious about them.

- "But, have you ever...?- JJ looked at her and made a pause. We were all looking at every single facial movement or behavior she might show to read her body language."

- "My relationship with my loverman could never be tainted by something as mundane as sex."

- "Like you wouldn't lick honey from that six-pack and ride that thunder."

The words just left my lips, and I blame the buzz. BAU (Y/N) would have never said that. Drunk (Y/N) would, totally.

The girls laughed until tears fell from their eyes, and I just chuckled, honestly happy to make them laugh. I had been more of the real me than I had ever actually been around them in nearly a year.

- "Hello?"- my phone rang again when I was walking out of the bathroom. And this time, it was Paul.

- "Hey babe, what are you doing?"

- "Hey, I'm..."- I looked at the girls in front of me and sighed- "I'm stuck with paperwork"- and they turned to me immediately. I could read the "What the fuck" on their faces.

- "Well, I'm at Rob's in case you feel like dropping by. We are writing a few songs."

- "I'll text you if I finish with this early, but... have fun."

- "Ok, bye"- I hung up and sighed.

- "And that was..."- Prentiss asked, frowning.

- "My boyfriend,"- I explained and grabbed another beer

- "Sure, I could feel the passion,"- Garcia joked, but I just didn't think it was funny.

I knew my relationship with Paul wasn't alright. Actually, things with Paul weren't. Period. We were done, it was apparent, but still, neither of us had said it. That relationship was just a few phone calls every once in a while, only to make small talks. When we were together, we would just watch a movie, eat something, drink a few beers, and that was it. It had been a long time since we had sex or even made out. I don't know why I didn't end it sooner. I guess I was just afraid to do it.

But I let more months pass before I actually did something.

Spencer's point of view

I'm not proud of what happened that year after Prentiss joined the team. I think that year changed me profoundly, and a part of me never fully recovered afterward.

Maybe it had to be that way, and it was something I had to go through to grow up. I guess I'm still trying to make some sense of all the misery I put my friends through. Mostly (Y/N). She was in hell with me.

A few weeks after New Year, we started working on a case. Someone was killing wealthy people in their own homes. At first, we thought there were two unsubs, 'cos one of them called 911 after killing, and you could hear them struggling and arguing. But no, it was just one.

Tobias Hankel was a delusional serial killer. He had split personalities, not two but actually three. His father, the one who tortured me. The archangel Raphael, who was trying to make God's will, killing people. And himself, who wanted to save me, but instead, he nearly destroyed me.

What do I remember about the day he kidnapped me? I remember I was stupid enough to try to catch an unsub alone, just to prove I could take care of myself on the field. Hotch sent me and JJ to talk to Hankel at his house, 'cos apparently, he might have seen the unsub months earlier. But no, he was the unsub, and neither JJ nor me could stop him.

We hid in a barn, and I was so eager to prove I could catch him; I told JJ we had to split up to cover the place. I was counting on Hotch to get there with the team sooner than they did, and before I realized it, I was in the middle of a cornfield, and Hankel was pointing at me with my own gun.

I was sure I was going to die right there. All of Hankel's personalities were struggling inside of him. I couldn't stop thinking about why I thought I could do it on my own? Why had I been a reckless asshole? Was it because I wanted to prove I was an excellent SAA? Because I wanted to impress JJ? Maybe I tried to convince myself I could do the same job my team did. I knew I wasn't the most physical person, but I had a gun. I had been trained to capture killers.

Yes, I was an asshole that day, and I've regretted everything that happened that night many, many times in the following years.

When I woke up, I was tied to a chair, and the archangel Raphael had taken Hankel's mind completely. The room was dark, and it smelled awful. He was burning fish hearts and livers, 'cos he believed it kept the devil away.

I was confused and lost. My head was spinning, and my heart was about to burst into my chest. I knew I could die any second now. Raphael wasn't the one to show mercy. That's what I had learned from all the videos Hankel had uploaded to the web. He had shared with the world every murder they had committed to show the other sinners what was going to happen to them.

- "They believe you can see inside men's minds"- Raphael looked at me with dark eyes, implying he meant Tobias and his father

- "It's not true. I study human behavior."- my voice was shaking. I knew I had never been more scared in my entire life. He took out a gun and showed me one bullet.

- "Do you know what this is? It's God's will."

Things didn't look good for me. He put it in the cylinder of the revolver and spun it. He was going to let my life to luck.

- "You don't have to do this"- I tried to talk him out of it, though I knew it wasn't going to work.

- "No go, sinners, to your God."

And he pressed the trigger.

What went through my mind the seconds that passed between having the gun pointed to my face and realizing I had lived? My mom. All I could think of was how my mom would react to the news of my death. I could never bear to hurt her like that. I couldn't die. I couldn't leave her alone.

I sighed, relieved, and bit my lips not to cry. Raphael looked at me with a blank expression and walked out of the room. I had survived for now.

I struggled with my handcuff, but it was useless. My head was killing me. I could feel the open wound on my head, still dripping blood on my temple and head. I tried to focus on the pain for a few minutes, just to make sure I was awake. It was a nightmare, and keeping myself sane and conscious under those circumstances was nearly impossible.

How was I going to get out of there alive? Did the team know where I was? I had no idea where I had been taken. I had been unconscious the whole way. It was dark, and I couldn't see much around me. I wasn't afraid of that darkness. I was more fearful of the man that left me alone, 'cos he was armed and mentally unstable. Darkness had nothing on him.

I had to focus on the things that kept me sane. The things that made me want to get out of that room alive.

- "My name is Spencer Walter Reid. I'm twenty-five years old, my mother's name is Diana Reid, I was born in Las Vegas, October 28th, 1981."

I closed my eyes and tried to think of all the things that made me happy.

- "I work at the BAU, my best friend's name is (Y/N), and she sits at the desk in front of me. Derek Morgan is the closest I've got to an older brother."

He was. He still is. You have to be close to dead to start seeing things clearly sometimes. Derek was my brother. He treated me like a kid, but a kid brother. He was always teasing me, trying to teach me how to pick up girls, trying to drag me to the gym with him. Derek was a good friend, we were very different, and I knew if we had been classmates in high school, we would probably never have talked. He was a jock, and I was a nerd. But life had brought us together. And now I couldn't think of a better friend than him.

I tried to focus on my happiest memories. My birthday came to mind. The guys had planned a Halloween-themed birthday party at the conference room of the BAU. Of course, Garcia baked a cake and (Y/N) helped her decorate it. It was incredible, 'cos it was covered with tiny gourds and skulls.

- "Frank and Mikey sent you these,"- she announced after everybody had given me their presents. I wide opened my eyes in shock 'cos I had no idea her friends knew it was my birthday or even cared about it.

- "Why?"- I had to ask.

- "'Cos they think you are amazing. They actually wanted to come over to your house and have a few beers tonight."- I opened my mouth to say something, but Derek interrupted me.

- "Pretty boy is gonna get to work hungover again."

- "Shut up"- (Y/N) and I said at the same time, making everybody chuckle. I opened the present her friends had sent me and laughed right away.

- "Lucky Doc"- I read and took out of the bag a Sports Illustrated issue with Lila Archer on the cover. My cheeks turned red immediately.

- "Frank still hasn't overcome that story. I think he will hate you forever"- (Y/N) laughed (along with the rest of the team) and gave me another present.

- "They also sent you this. They said you were going to like the man in black"- it was a Johnny Cash's vinyl- "Frank picked it. He thinks he is some sort of musical psychic that can read people's taste in music."

- "We should get together and have a few beers one of these days. I need to thank them for these."

Gideon looked at me in silence as soon as I said those words. But I didn't care if he disapproved. I was going to be (Y/N)'s friend, whether he liked it or not.

He is the closest I've had to a dad in the latest years. He cares about me, and he tries to make the best of me that he can. Yes, he can be too apprehensive. I think that's a way to put it. But only because he wants me to be the best profiler I can be.

I never thought I would end up working at the BAU. I never thought I would love the job I do as much as I do. Back when I was in college, I thought I would dedicate my life to finding a cure for schizophrenia, but I ended up hunting serial killers across the country.

And though I was about to die, I didn't regret any of the decisions that led me there.

The morning found me shaking, cold, and scared. I was in a small cabin in the woods. Just like the worst and more cliché horror movie ever made. This was my own horror movie.

- "What are you staring at, boy?"- Tobias opened the front door carrying logs for the fire. His voice had changed yet again, so I knew it wasn't the same person I had talked to the night before.

- "You are not Raphael."- I whispered, looking at every movement he did.

- "Do I look like Raphael?"- had I insulted him? I couldn't tell. He turned to the fire, and I took a deep breath, doing my best to stay calm.

- "Thank you for burning those, for keeping us safe."- I said, looking at the fish hearts and livers he was preparing to put on the fire.

- "Don't try to trick me."

- "I would never try to trick you."

- "You are a liar."

- I'm not a liar."- it was hard to stay calm and not start screaming for help or mercy, but I knew that was going to take me nowhere with him.

- "Lying is a sin."

- "I'm not a liar."- he walked closer to me, and sat right in front of me, held my leg up, and grabbed my foot.

- "This will be over quickly if you just confess your sins."

- "I am not a sinner"- I whispered again. He took off my shoe.

- "We are all sinners."- it didn't look good for me, not at all, and I knew I had to talk to him with his words with his beliefs to save my life.

- "The Lord spake unto Moses saying "Speak unto all the congregation of the children of the lord" and say unto them, ye shall be holy, for I, the Lord your God, am holy."

Hankel, this time in the personality of his father, looked at me surprised. I might have done something right, 'cos he stopped moving, and for a second, I thought it was going to be ok.

- "You know Leviticus."

- "I know every word of the bible. I can recite it for you."- but his eyes turned dark again.

- "The devil knows how to read too."

- "I'm not a devil, I'm not a devil2- I repeated, and couldn't stop shaking, 'cos my life on the hands of a sociopath.

- "I'm a man, my name is Spencer Reid, and I have a mother, and I have a father just like you, and they taught me the bible, let me recite the bible."

My voice cracked at the knowledge of what he was going to do. He stood up, still holding my foot. He was going to torture me, he was going to try to break me, and I had to be strong. I didn't know how I would find the strength, but I had to be strong.

- "Time to confess, Spencer Reid"- and without further notice, he slapped a log against my foot, making me scream in pain. It hurt from the tip of my toes until the back of my skull. I hadn't felt that kind of pain, and it was worse knowing he was just getting started. Tears started falling down my cheeks in no time.

- "Confess!"

- "I don't have anything to confess."- I whimpered and closed my eyes, 'cos I knew he was going to continue his torture. And so he did. The pain was excruciating. I was sure I was going to pass out

I tried to go to a happy place in my head, somewhere when I could hide from all that pain. It was too hard, though. It hurt too much. I kept repeating over and over again I wasn't a sinner, begging Hankel for mercy, as he shouted I had to confess.

I made an effort to think about what he might want me to say. What did he want me to confess? Which sins was he talking about? But nothing came to my mind, nothing but the pain and the fear of dying.

(Y/N)'s point of view

The second we reached Hankel's cabin, I started looking for Spencer. I had a horrible feeling about it. Morgan and I headed it to a barn with Prentiss. There was no sign of anyone. It was dark and quiet. Never a good sign.

- "Shit!"- I whispered, staring at three dead dogs and a bath of blood in front of me. There laid the body of another victim that was missing from Hankel's last attack.

- "FBI!!"- JJ shouted suddenly. She was pointing his gun to us, clearly in shock- "Don't move!!"

- "JJ, it's Morgan, (Y/L/N), and Prentiss! Don't shoot"- Derek tried to calm her down, walking towards her- "Are you hurt?"- she lowered the gun and stared at us. You could read the fear and the trauma in her eyes.

- "Tobias Hankel is the unsub,"- she whispered as Prentiss rubbed her arm sweetly, trying to comfort her.

- "Yeah, we know"- I moved towards her too and put my gun back into the holster.

- "And we thought he was just a witness"- we looked around, and JJ pointed at the dead dogs.

- "JJ, where is Reid?"- Derek asked her, but she just continued talking.

- "They completely tore her apart"

- "JJ, look at me,"- I said and held her arm carefully- "Look at me, where's Reid?"- she was shaking, and her voice was cracking. I knew she was making her best effort to pull herself together.

- "We split up. He said he was going to go in the back."

And there it was. That was the reason why I had a bad feeling all along. Derek looked at me and nodded as we read each other's minds. The two of us turned around and ran outside, leaving JJ with Prentiss, waiting for the medical team and ambulance to check on her wounds.

Gideon and Hotch were inside the cabin, looking for Hankel, but there was no one there. And there was no sign of Reid behind the barn either, in the cornfield, or anywhere in the perimeter. Reid was nowhere to be found, and I started losing it little by little. I tried to repeat myself the words Hotch had said many times during my year in the BAU: "when you are out there with the team; your mind has to be one hundred percent on the case." But the case had never included my best friend missing before.

- "Hey, is there any sign of him yet?- I asked the police chief as I reached the ambulance. He was there talking with JJ, making sure she was ok.

- "We got every one of our units on the road. He won't make it far"- I nodded and watched him walk away. I knew he thought I was talking about Hankel, but I actually meant Reid.

I turned to JJ and moved a little closer to her. Her eyes open wide, staring back at me.

- "You can't find Reid?"- I just shook my head and tried to sound as casual as I could, not to freak her out. She was still in shock. I didn't want to make it worse.

- "Not yet"

- "(Y/N)"- Derek held my arm and forced me to walk away from the ambulance.- "Reid followed him into the cornfield. It looks like somebody got dragged."

My heart stopped. Did the psychopath hurt Spencer? Did he kill him? Did he torture him? Was he hurt? Was he alive? Where was he? Derek looked at me, and I nodded. I bit my lips and took a deep breath. Hotch's words were my mantra now: "your mind has to be one hundred percent on the case."

- "Are you sure?"- we turned to the police's chief, overhearing his conversation- "We are on our way now."

- "What's going on?"

- "The sheriff down two towns over, he just gave directions to a man who fit Hankel's descriptions. It's to a motor lodge in fort bend."

- "Let's get Hotch and Gideon"- Derek held my arm and walked with me to the cabin. We had to find Reid, and we had to do it fast.

That was the worst night of my life. The first worst night of my life, to be sincere. I didn't close an eye. I went through every paper, every note, every detail in that cabin, trying to find a clue that could lead us to where Tobias had taken Reid.

I felt someone had ripped my heart from my chest. I had to think straight, and to do it, I had to keep a cold head. But as the hours passed, it became a more demanding and more challenging task to complete. I knew the whole team was suffering, but that didn't ease my pain. And I knew JJ felt guilty, but that didn't stop me from blaming her in my mind. She left him alone. I would have never left Spencer alone on the field.

- "(Y/N), you should try to get some rest."

Derek whispered as he sat on the floor next to me, where I had been sitting for the last half hour, reading Tobias's old diaries. Nothing but fear of his father, mentions of Dilaudid use, and bible transcriptions.

- "I'm ok,"- I answered and didn't even take my eyes from the pages.

- "(Y/N), I mean it"

- "I'm not going to rest if he is out there in the hands of a psychopath, Derek"- I had to bite my lips and shut the fuck up, 'cos if I said one more word, I knew I was going to burst into tears.

Morgan just wrapped an arm around my shoulders and moved me closer to him. That was the first time I let him hug me, and it felt good to know I wasn't alone in my desperation. I knew he loved Reid like a brother, and neither of us was going to stop until we found him.

- "Welcome to our nightmare"- JJ's voice broke the silence we had been into for the last hour when Hotch walked into the cabin with Penelope.

It was morning already. There were still no signs of Reid. Prentiss, Gideon, JJ, and I had been sitting at the table, reading everything we could.

- "His computer is an extension of his brain. I need you to dissect it,"- Gideon whispered to García. You could feel the concern in his voice. She just nodded in shock and turned to Derek, who held her hand and helped her get set up in the computer room.

- "So, nothing new since I left?"- Hotch asked and looked at us. I just shook my head and continued reading.

- "Well, the good thing is the guy documented practically every second of his life"- Prentiss words took me from the pages I was reading. I looked at her and raised an eyebrow. The concept of "good" was poorly used in that phrase.

- "The bad news is, we are still un-piling,"- she added and sighed.

- "From the looks of it, he hasn't left this place in years,"- JJ managed to say. She made her best effort to be useful, but she was in worse shape than everybody else. Yet, that didn't make me feel bad for her. I was mad at her and kept making my best to put it aside, 'cos my head had to be in the case.

- "He knew he could pretend to be looking for a motel and throw us off his trail,"- Emily inferred, but I shook my head as soon as I heard her.

- "No, no, no, it's more than that!"- I shook my head and took a deep breath- "Sheriff's office, 911 calls, every time he engages the police and gets away with it... he reassures himself, God's on his side. Not ours."- I added.

Gideon nodded, and we shared a moment of agreement. He was as worried as I was. I could feel it. I'm not saying the rest of the team wasn't, I'm saying Jason was as fucked up as I was, and I could sense he was having the same trouble I had making sure my head and not my sentiments were into the case.

But if anything happened to Reid, I didn't know what I was capable of doing.

At a certain point, I got sick of reading and not doing anything and decided to look around the house again if we had missed anything. Derek went along. One part of me felt he wanted to stay away from JJ too. Maybe he was as mad as I was about her leaving Reid alone. I know I couldn't blame her, but I did it anyway.

- "Guys!! I think I've got something!"- Derek yelled, and I ran over. He opened a door that led to a basement. I walked right behind him, pointing my gun and my flashlight all over. But there was no sign of Reid.

- "Tobias Hankel!!"- Morgan shouted. Someone was sitting in what looked to be a gigantic freezer- "Tobias!"- but we didn't get any response. I took a step closer and examined carefully.

- "Morgan, I think we just found Hankel's father."

Spencer's point of view

On my second night in that cabin, I met Tobias. The third personality of Hankel walked into the room, carrying what seemed to be a dead deer. He looked as frightened as I was.

- "You need to eat."

- "What's your name?"

- "Tobias."

- "Tobias, who was here before?"

- "Probably my father."

He looked at me up and down, and he immediately understood what he had done to me. It was scary how he could dissociate. Someone with multiple personality disorder is usually unaware of the other personality states and memories when an alter is dominant. In this case, Tobias knew the other personalities but considered them different persons. He didn't think they were all in his head.

- "I'm sorry if he hurt you."

He looked at me like he understood everything I had been going through. Maybe he had been through something similar when his father was alive. Perhaps he had been a victim of Hankel as well, and that's what triggered his psychopathic nature.

He walked over and took out his belt.

- "What are you doing?"- he wrapped it around my arm, and I started begging him to stop.

- "It helps"- he took out of his pocket a needle and a small bottle of what seemed to be some kind of drug.

- "Don't tell my father. He doesn't know they are here."

- "Please, I don't want it, I don't want it, please"- I cried and begged.

- "It helps. I know"- it was the last thing Tobias said before the needle found my vein.

And he was right. It helped. Every single amount of pain I was feeling disappeared. My brain shut down. Somehow, everything was ok. I never had in my entire life felt so good before.

My mind kept flashing memories of when I was a kid. I kept seeing images of the day my father left and how he called my mother crazy.

- "You are weak"- mom spit those words after he refused to take me with him. I know she said it not because she didn't want me with her, but because mom knew she was sick and wanted the best for me. And he refused.

- "I'm not weak."- I whispered as I looked at her smiling back at me.

- "I know, honey."

I don't know how long I was drugged, but when I woke up, Tobias wasn't there with me anymore. It was his father.

And the torture continued.

(Y/N)'s point of view

Gideon was trying to convince me to go out with Prentiss and JJ to see a Narcotics anonymous's contact that might give us more information about Tobias. Emily had found some flyers about it in his room, and it could be the only lead we had to find him and Reid.

- "You need to get out of this house for a while"- he whispered and tapped on my back.

I knew he wasn't the one to be loving or physical with people, less with me. But that moved me. I turned to him and my eyes watered up. I was scared, and I couldn't hide it anymore. The more hours passed, the fewer the chances were to find Spencer safe. Alive.

I felt his arms around me suddenly, holding me tight, trying to keep the pieces of me together. We were alone on the porch, and though I didn't want to fall apart, I couldn't hold it anymore.

Jason didn't say a word. He just hugged me and let me cry for a few minutes. I didn't say anything either. I actually couldn't because I was overwhelmed with everything.

- "Are you ready, (Y/N)?"

Prentiss whispered as she walked over with JJ. I turned my back at them for a second to hide the tears that kept falling down my cheeks. I knew it was a shitty thing to do, 'cos it was obvious I had been sobbing, but they gave me the courtesy of not saying anything.

- "You go, I need (Y/N)'s assistance with some diary entries"- the two of them walked away quietly, and thankfully, didn't argue with Gideon.

- "Thank you,"- I whispered and felt his hand on my shoulder one more time.

- "You are doing a fantastic job,"- he said and turned around.

I wish I could tell you that made me feel better, but instead, I just thought I had the duty to bring my friend back home safe.

It had been at least an hour since the girls left. Morgan, Hotch, Gideon, and the police chief were in the living room with me, reading. I sipped my hundredth cup of coffee and re-read the same diary entry for the third time.

- "There's something weird going on here."- I thought out loud and walked towards Gideon

- "You think?"- the police chief turned to me and raised an eyebrow, ironically.

- "No, seriously, check this out. This journal is filled with religious ramblings. He notated hour by hour: "November 15th, 3:17, if ye offer a sacrifice of peace offering unto the Lord, ye shall offer it at your own will", and it goes on and on: 5:04, 7:41, 10:22, 1:42."

I made a short pause and looked at Gideon and Hotch. They didn't get where I was going.

- "But then, it goes blank for days."

- "Maybe he got sick of writing"- I seriously hated that police chief.

- "I think I got it"- Hotch whispered- "Journal entry: "December 6th. Father is sick. He wants me to put him down. I say thou shalt not kill. He said, honor thy father. Must pray for guidance."

- "So he kills his father as an act of mercy?"- Gideon asked, knowing the answer.

- "This is two months ago. Tobias Hankel's father had been dead for four months already."

- "That's exactly it"- I murmured, thinking Tobias Hankel was way more fucked up than we thought.

- "Look at the floor"- Derek pointed at a chair and moved it- "These scuffs marks are fresh. It's like two people were pushing the chairs constantly, trying to fight for control."

- "So?"- I swear to God, that chief was driving me insane.

- "This journal matches Charles Hankel's handwriting, but it was written after he died"- I explained. Still, it felt he wasn't following me.

- "What do you mean?"

- "Upstairs, Tobias' bedroom got junk piled from floor to ceiling, but the other bedroom could pass a military inspection."

- "So, are you telling me one of Tobias' personalities was his father?"

Apparently, I had to draw a picture so the chief would get it. Fortunately, Gideon continued explaining the whole problem before I lost what was left of my patience.

- "Well, Tobias was raised with a strict religious code, black and white, right and wrong. When his father asked Tobias to kill him, something had to give."

- "His brain couldn't handle the moral contradiction, so he split into two personalities to keep his father alive."

Hotch tried to put it most easy and simple words possible.

- "So, who is Raphael?"

- "My guess, he is a mediator between the two"- Gideon nodded at my words and sighed.

- "Angels have no human emotions, live or die. They don't care, as long it's God's will."

- "We need to start profiling Tobias' father. He may be the one who chose where to take Reid."

Finally, I felt we were going somewhere.

When Emily and JJ came back, they gave us the news. Tobias was addicted to Dilaudid, which explained the fracture in his mind, and how he lived with three distinct personalities.

The police chief announced a computer store robbery, giving us some hopes that Tobias would use them to track him down.

- "Guys!! Guys!! get in here!!- I heard Derek shouting and I ran to the computer room. I felt sick in the stomach in less than a second. There he was, Spencer. My Spencer Walter Reid, tied to a chair, bleeding, shoeless. Clearly tortured.

- "He's been beating,"- I whispered, feeling my eyes water up. I would have given anything to be there instead of him.

- "Can you track him?!"- JJ yelled by my side, and I nearly smacked her. That's how sensitive I was feeling.

- "Hankel's only streaming this to his home computer."- Garcia whispered. And my heart dropped with those words.

That wasn't what I was supposed to hear. We were supposed to find him and bring him back safe.

- "This is for us"- Gideon didn't take his eyes from the screen- "He knows we are here."

- "I'm gonna put this guy's head on a stick"- Morgan was so mad I believed him. I wanted to do the same, if worse.

- "I'm gonna kill him myself as soon as we find him,"- I said and felt Aaron's hand on my shoulder as he asked Garcia

- "Why can't you locate him?"

- "He's rerouting to a different IP address every 30 seconds. I can't track him."

It knew it had to be hard if Penelope couldn't find her, but that didn't help. If anything, it made everything worse. I felt powerless. Hankel couldn't be more intelligent than us.

Spencer's point of view

- "Are you ready, boy?"- Hankel pulled my hair and forced me to look at him. I was still as high as fuck, but knew I was about to be tortured again.

- "Ready for what?"

- "My weakling son thinks God gave you to him for a reason"- if the reason was to get me into drugs, then the answer was yes.

Hankel placed a video camera in front of me.

- "Can you really see inside men's minds?"- he asked me and made a pause, pointing to three screens- See these vermin?

It took me a second to realize he was showing me images of real people. He had put cameras in those people's houses. How? When? What kind of sick game did he want me to play with him?

- "Choose one to die. I let you choose one to live."

- "No"- I didn't even think about my answer.

- "I thought you wanted to be some kind of savior."

- "You are a sadist and a psychotic break. You won't stop killing. Your word is not true."

I don't know if it was because of the drugs or because I hadn't eaten or drank any water in too long, but I was somehow resigned and tired of fighting.

- "The other heathens are watching- Hankel announced and pointed at the camera in front of me."

My eyes fixated on the camera right away. My team was watching me. (Y/N) was watching me. I didn't want to make her worry even more. I needed her to know I was ok. I know I wasn't, but I didn't want her to worry about me.

- "Choose a sinner to die, and I'll say the name and address of the person to be saved"- Hankel was sick. It was all a game, and religion was just an excuse to kill.

- "I won't get to choose who gets slaughtered and have you leave their remains behind like a poacher."

Hankel didn't like my answer, 'cos he grabbed me and pulled me up, looking into my eyes, insulted, annoyed, losing his temper.

- "Can you really see into my mind, boy?"

He was honestly scary, and it petrified me to think he could execute me right there, in front of the team, and I could never tell them how much they mean.

- "Can you see I'm not a liar?!"- he insisted. I nearly whimpered but made my best not to break- "Choose one to die and save a life. Otherwise, they are all dead."

He dropped me on the chair and turned around. It was clear he wasn't joking. I took a deep breath and nodded.

- "Alright, I'll choose who lives."

- "They are all the same"

My eyes traveled across all the monitors. It was nearly impossible to pick one person to live, knowing all the other people there would die. Hankel was sick, and I had to set a plan to escape because otherwise, I would end up dead.

- "Far right screen,"- I whispered. He turned around and nodded.

Then, he recited the name and address of the woman on the screen. I prayed for the team to find her before Hankel came after her too.

No. It wasn't Hankel this time.

- "Raphael,"- I whispered, and he nodded. I looked at the screen again. The woman we were watching picked up the phone. She was in her kitchen. He walked around, frowned, and turned to her computer. In a second, she had turned it off. My team had reached her. She was safe, I hoped.

Hankel turned the camera off and looked at me.

- "You've done your part. Now it's my turn."

I knew what that meant. It wasn't good.

He left the cabin, and all I could see were the monitors in front of me. Those people were going to die. They were going to die because I didn't pick them. I killed them. You don't need to pull a trigger to kill someone. I could never forget those words. And this time, they meant more than anytime before. I didn't press a trigger, but I had killed two innocent people. And I actually had to watch them die.

When I saw Rapahel walk into the victims' house, I tried to close my eyes and think of anything else. A part of me kept thinking he wasn't going to kill them. He just wanted to threaten me.

But not. Raphael slaughtered them.

I found myself craving whatever it was that Tobias had given me the night before. The drug in my veins had given me a kind of peace I had never felt. And I never thought I'd have either. The type of peace that can be addictive, 'cos it turns your head off. And God knows, sometimes I needed to turn my head off.

Remembering everything that has ever happened to me, especially all the awful things, wasn't a gift. It was a burden. And whatever it was that Tobias had put in my veins, it had taken that burden from my shoulders, at least for a couple of hours.

Who wouldn't want some more of that peace?

- "Reid!"- Gideon's voice took me from my thoughts. He was sitting right in front of the camera in the victim's house. He was there with Hotch and the police, investigating the crime scene.

- "If you are watching this, you are not responsible for this. You understand me? he is perverting God to justify murder. You are stronger than him. He can not break you."

I know he meant it. But I couldn't believe any of that, not after watching a family get slaughter just because I didn't pick them.

(Y/N)'s point of view

- "I thought you were going to try and get some rest,"- I said as JJ walked to me in silence. I made myself my hundredth cup of coffee, and she just showed up next to me, trying to engage in conversation, I guess.

- "Everybody else is working. I should be too."

- "We can handle it,"- I whispered and refused to look at her. I swear I was trying not to hate her, but it was getting harder and harder with every hour that passed without finding Reid.

- "It's funny, I keep thinking the one thing we need to crack this case is... well... Reid"- she chuckled, nervously and I just looked at her and nodded. I didn't even smile. I didn't move a muscle.

I didn't want to be with her, or anyone, as a matter of fact. And I wasn't going to hide it anymore. So I tried to walk away.

- "You think Reid and I should have stayed together at the barn, don't you?"

I stopped walking and looked at her. You could tell she was having a hard time facing the whole situation, and most of all, you could tell she felt guilty.

That really didn't stop me from being mad at her. I was trying to be the better woman during the investigation, but the uncertainty was getting on my nerves.

- "JJ, go get some rest,"- I tried to answer calmly, but I knew I was looking at her like she was dead to me.

- "I can tell that's what you are thinking, so..."

- "I just wanna get Spencer home safe."

- "But... if I had his back like I was supposed to do, he'd be here now"- and that was enough.

- "JJ, what the fuck do you want from me?"

- "I just...."- she was about to cry, you could tell- "I want someone to tell me the truth."

- "You want the truth? Ok, there you go: I would have never left him alone. None of this would have happened if I had been the one with him out there! 'cos I would never let anyone or anything hurt him!!"

I shouted. All the anger I had been feeling those days was finally getting off my chest. And fuck, it felt good.

- "You fucked it up, JJ, and if something happens to Spencer, I am never going to forgive you, never!"

JJ bit her lips, trying her best not to cry. But I still couldn't feel sorry for her.

- "Is that the truth you were looking for?"

- "(Y/L/N)?"- Hotch stood next to me with the most annoyed look in his eyes.

I knew I was out of line, but this wasn't about work anymore. This was personal. This was Reid we were talking about, and JJ had fucked it up. There was nothing to discuss.

- "What? You sent him with her, now she is here, and he isn't. What else is there to say?"

- "(Y/N)!"- Hotch followed me as I stormed out of the kitchen and out of the cabin- "(Y/N)! stop!"

- "What?!"- and I simply snapped- "Are you gonna suspend me for telling her the truth? Are you going to fire me for losing my shit while working a case!? Fine! I don't care! I don't give a fuck! All I care about right now is that my best friend is missing, and a fucking psychopath has him! That's all I can think of. That's all I've been thinking about for the last two days!"

I was yelling at Hotch. I was yelling at my unit chief. I was fucked. I knew he was going to fire me after that. But I couldn't help it. I was going insane. Tears kept falling from my eyes as I held my cup of coffee tight, holding onto it with my life.

- "(Y/N), we are all worried about Reid."

- "I know you are all worried. I am too, and I'm also afraid and mad and going fucking insane knowing I am standing here not knowing what to do to save him."

- "That doesn't give you the right to treat JJ like this is her fault"- I don't know if he was talking like my unit chief or like a father figure trying to end a fight between two of his kids.

- "Did she stay with Reid?"- I simply replied and looked at Hotch in the eyes- "Did she?"

- "She is not the only one who feels guilty, so do I. And I know I won't forgive myself if anything happens to Reid."

Hotch made a pause and tried to find a way to say what he wanted to say. The door opened, and Gideon walked to us. He knew what was going on, and he didn't say a thing. I was sure he had already heard everything. We weren't actually arguing quietly.

- "We are not getting any closer,"- Aaron finally said.

- "Reid is brilliant. He'll figure out how to survive"- Gideon's words were way more hopeful than my thoughts. In my mind, Reid was too scared to think of a way to escape.

- "You know, I always take advantage of Reid for his brain. But I never actually teach him how to deal with things emotionally."

Hotch whispered, and his words were filled with regret. I was filled with anger and anxiety, and I know the two of them felt the same. But they way better at handling their feelings.

- "Lead by example,"- Jason answered, probably trying to make him feel better.

- "What kind of example is that?"- I simply replied, and both of them stayed in silence.

I don't think my words helped Hotch, but I wasn't trying to do that either. I was just honest. And Hotch's emotional assistance was shit on the field. Even Gideon was better.

- "He'll make it,"- Jason reassured us and nodded- "Now stop arguing and go back to work."

Spencer's point of view

I was glad when Tobias came to me that night with a needle in his hand and put the drug into my vein. I needed some release after watching a family die 'cos I didn't save them.

- "I'm sorry I had to leave"- he excused himself, preparing the drug next to me.

- "You can leave again, and you can take me with you,"- I begged in a soft voice.

- "My father would be angry,"- he replied and didn't even look at me. This time, I didn't even argue when he wrapped the belt around my arm. I was even a little eager he'd do it faster.

- "Not if he can't find us."

- "He always finds me."

- "If you tell me where we are, my friends will come, and they'll save us."

He gave me a look, mixed with horror and resignation. It broke my heart to think for a moment of all the horrors that lead Tobias to be as sick as he was.

- "We can't be saved,"- he simply replied.

- "We can, we can, I promise. If you tell me where we are, I'll save us both."

- "Listen to me. It's not worth fighting."

Somehow, I understood why he said that. I was afraid and shaking but still did my best not to think of all the pain I was in, of the terror that haunted me day and night.

- "Tell me it doesn't make it better- he said and showed me the needle."

I couldn't say no, 'cos he was right. It did. The drugs made his horrible situation bearable. I could understand why someone decided to use something to avoid the pain. I had faced all and each one of the pain and horrors in my life sober. It was time life was a little bit sweeter, in a sick way.

I remembered being twelve. Mom had had one of her episodes the day before, she was in bed, and I woke her up. I walked into her room and opened the curtains. It was already five in the afternoon, and she still refused to get out of bed.

- "The doctor says you need to get out of bed,"- I argued when she repeated she was just resting.

- "I've been reading"

- "He says you need exercise"- she sighed and tried to make a joke.

- "That's because his idea of good literature is Our bodies, ourselves."

- "Well, he is your doctor."

- "He is a neanderthal"- I gave up and started walking out of the room. She just laid in bed and looked at me.

- "Where are you going?"

- "I'm going to see if Jeff wants to play"- Jeff was our next-door neighbor and my only friend growing up.

- "Come here. Let me read to you."

I know Garcia made fun of me when I said my mother used to read me Valentine's sonnets when I was a kid. Most people think I have a weird relationship with mom, but they don't understand what it was like growing up with her. They don't know what it was like for a twelve-year-old boy to finish high school, facing bullies. Handling the pressure of being a kid genius and the fact I had to take care of a schizophrenic mother.

How come I didn't start using drugs earlier?

I remember that afternoon I sat next to my mother, and she made me pick one of the many books she had with her on the bed. I choose Proust. I knew she loved it. I loved it as well.

"For a long time, I used to go to bed early. Sometimes, when I had put out my candle, my eyes would close so quickly that I had not even time to say, "I'm going to sleep."

I can still hear her voice, reading to me. Both of us avoided reality for a while, hiding in the books. I always do it regardless. I hide in the books to forget. I hide in knowledge to avoid acknowledging the real personal issues I have. I hide in my work saving people when no one ever saved me.

I work catching psychopaths when I know I might actually have a mental issue myself. I might end up just like mom, and it frightens me so much; there are many nights I can't even close an eye. If I get sick too, then no one will take care of her. I am the only one in her life. And she is the only one in mine.

She and (Y/N), but there is no way my best friend would ever take care of me if I got sick. Not because she wouldn't want to do it, but because I would never let her. I don't want to be a burden in her life. And she would hate me, I know. And I could never live in a world where (Y/N) hates me. Not then, not now.

(Y/N). She is the best thing that happened to me in the BAU. Yes, I had a family with my team, but she was different. She was my life. She was the reason why I smiled. She was the one person that made me feel I was important to someone. I knew the rest of my friend loved me, but I loved her.

That was it. I loved (Y/N). And I was scared I was never going to see her again.

(Y/N)'s point of view

I was standing next to Penelope. She kept trying to force me to eat. She knew I was living on coffee, but I just couldn't swallow anything. She held my hand as the two of us stared at the screens, hopefully waiting for Hankel to make contact again.

- "Any more signs of Reid?"- JJ walked over to us slowly and looked at me, afraid I might snap on her again. I just shook my head and sighed, doing my best to be nice to her.

- "He just posted the last murder online."

- "It had over 17 thousand hits in the first twenty minutes,"- Penelope added, and her voice was so full of revulsion. It was clear she couldn't handle the horror in the human mind.

- "I want to see it,"- JJ said, and I frowned, confused.

- "No, you don't,"- Garcia answered and looked at me- "Come on, munchkin, just eat one cookie, please."

- "Don't tell me what I want and don't want!"- JJ's tone shocked us both. She was severe and angry. She was rude at Penelope, and for a second, I almost snapped again.

- "If I can't watch this..."- JJ whispered and glued her eyes on the screen- "I have no business being in the field."

She looked at me when she was done talking, and for once during those awful days, I felt some kind of compassion for her. She had to be feeling like shit, no doubt, and no matter how mad I was at her, she was still my friend, and I didn't want her to suffer either.

- "JJ, it's not a competition,"- I tried to say in the softest voice possible.

- "I... I need to see it."

- "If you stop being affected by things, you lose parts of yourself, you know."

It was somehow ironic that I was the one saying those things. Me of all people in that team. Me, the one who was afraid the most of losing herself in work.

- "Show me"- she finally looked at Garcia, ignoring my words, and Penelope pleased her. She pushed play and simply said

- "I won't watch this with you."

García held my hand, walking me out of the room, leaving JJ alone in the room. She sighed and wiped the tears that started falling down her eyes.

- "I don't know how you do it either"- she whispered- "I don't know how you watch those things every day and don't go insane."

- "If it makes you feel better, I don't know how I do either, and it scared me to think my heart might be numbing with each case we solve. With every psychopath we catch."

- "We are gonna find him"- she assured me and held my hands tight- "We are bringing him home safe, I swear."

- "Let's go find Gideon,"- I said, nodding at her words- "He needs to know Tobias posted the last murder."

Jason was mad, beyond furious. He was losing it. Derek and Prentiss kept trying to crack Hankel and discover where he had taken Reid. Meanwhile, Garcia, Gideon, and I made our best to take the video of the murder from the web.

- "I have a list of everyone from the file-sharing chain. I could send out a mass warning that the video is actually a virus,"- Garcia said and started typing as fast as possible. I just stared at the screen, waiting for something, anything to happen.

But I wasn't waiting for what came next.

- "Confess your sins"- Hankel's voice made me jump, and the sight of Reid, still tied to that chair, bleeding, and being tortured, broke my heart again.

- "Confess!!"- that sick psychopath shouted and hit him.

- "I haven't done anything,"- Spencer sobbed, but it was useless. Hankel kept punching him, over and over again, even when my best friend begged for mercy.

I felt Jason hold my hand as I was holding Garcia's. The three of us felt powerless, useless, angry, and scared, all at the same time. I couldn't bear to watch Reid being tortured, but at the same time, I was so glad he was still alive.

That until Hankel beat him so hard, he pushed him back in the chair, and Reid started convulsing.

- "He is killing him,"- Penelope cried, and I closed my eyes, biting my lips. Spencer was choking, and that mother fucker just stood there, watching him die.

- "That's the devil vacating your body"- he spit those words as Reid simply passed out. I didn't know if he was dead. I didn't know if he was going to make it. Shit! I didn't know anything.

I let go of Jason and Penelope and stormed out of the room. I was unprofessional, and I knew it, but I knew I would quit if anything happened to Reid. I wasn't going to stay working at the BAU if Spencer died.

- "Are you ok?"- Derek grabbed my arm. I just broke into tears and held him tight. He wrapped his arms around me and let me cry.

- "He's dying! We can't find him!!"- I sobbed against his chest.

- "(Y/N)! (Y/N)!"- I heard Penelope yelling as we all rushed back to the computer room. Hankel was giving CPR to Reid, trying to bring him back to life.

- "Come on, come on, please,"- I begged as I watched him pushing his chest over and over again until Spencer woke up, gasping for air.

- "Thank God!"- Hotch sighed and rubbed his hands against his face. The whole team let out a breath of relief simultaneously, and I kept watching Reid. His opened eyes gave me hope.

- "Wait,"- Prentiss said suddenly- "When was the video of the last murder posted?"

- "Nine thirty"- Penelope answered

- "And when was the time of death?"

- "The 911 call came in at 9:04, and the murder must have been moments later."- Hotch added and didn't even turn to look at Prentiss. We were all still shocked looking at the screen.

- "That's just a 19 minutes difference,"- I said and turned to García- "How long would it take to post that file?"

- "Two or three minutes."

- "Let's call it two,"- I said, getting excited- "You figure a maximum of 60 miles an hour in a residential area. That means Hankel has to be within a 17-mile radius of the crime scene."

For a second, I felt I was rambling facts just like Reid would. It made me miss him even more.

- "García, can we see it on the map?"- Aaron whispered. He was clearly affected, and it also made me feel selfish, knowing I had made a tantrum with the whole team, forgetting they were suffering as well.

- "Call chief Farraday"- Jason commanded as soon as we saw the map of the area on the screen- "I want that area locked down like it's martial law."

JJ stood up and grabbed her phone but didn't make the call. García warned us something was going on with Reid and all of us stared at the screen in silence.

Spencer was on his back on the floor, still tied to a chair. It was clear he wasn't fully conscious of what was happening.

- "You came back to life,"- mother fucker Hankel said, spitting the words in anger.

- "Raphael,"- Reid whispered, recognizing one of his personalities.

- "There can be only one of two reasons."

- "I was given CPR,"- my friend whispered, but it was clear that wasn't one of the psycho's options.

- "There are no accidents. How many members of our team are watching us right now?"

- "Seven."

- "The seven angels who had the seven trumpets prepared themselves to sound. The first sounding followed hail, and they were thrown to the earth."

- "He thinks it's the revelations"- Hotch explained- "The seven archangels versus the seven angels of death."

I didn't know much about religion, but it didn't take a genius to figure out he didn't believe we were the good guys.

- "Tell me who you serve."

- "I serve you,"- Reid answered right away. His voice was a whisper. He had to be exhausted.

- "Then choose one to die"

- "What?!"

- "Your team members, choose one to die"- I knew what he was going to answer at that, and I didn't want to hear it.

- "Kill me,"- he replied immediately, and I closed my eyes, unable to watch what would happen next.

- "You said you weren't one of them."

- "I lied."

- "Your team has seven other members. Tell me who dies."

- "No"- Penelope gasped, and Prentiss cursed. I opened my eyes and nearly fainted. Hankel had a gun pointed against Reid's forehead.

The silence amongst the team was unbearable. Neither of us knew what to do. We were all panicking, praying, desperate.

- "Choose and prove you'll do God's will."

- "No."

Neither of us moved. Neither of us breathed until Hakel pulled the trigger, and no bullet came out. I nearly sigh, but it wasn't over.

- "Choose"- he repeated

- "I won't do it"- Hankel didn't even wait. He just pulled the trigger, and we all jumped at the same time. He was safe again.

- "Life is a choice."

- "No,"- Reid repeated once again. And Hankel pulled the trigger for the third time.

- "Choose"- and for the first time, Spencer made a pause. Was going to pick one of us to die?

- "I choose"- the whispered- "Aaron Hotchner."

Derek and I looked at him, and his pale face didn't move a muscle.

- "He's the classic narcissist. He thinks he's better than everyone else on the team. Genesis 23:4 "Let him not deceive himself, and trust in emptiness, vanity falseness, and futility, for these shall be his recompense."

Hotch stormed out of the room as Hankel pulled the trigger one more time and shot the wall.

I felt I was going to puke. If Reid hadn't picked one of us, he would be dead.

- "For God's will,"- the mother fuck said, as he put another bullet in the gun after removing the casing.

I couldn't look anymore. I followed Gideon and Derek to find Aaron going through all Tobias's diaries on the table.

- "I'm not a narcissist,"- he said as soon as he saw us.

- "Come on. Look, you can't think anything from that"- Jason tried to calm him down, in case he was somehow affected by what Reid had just said on camera- "He is not in his right mind, Hotch."

- "No, stop, stop. Alright, everybody, right now: what's my worst quality?"

He had to be kidding. We all stared at him, muted, lost in that conversation. What was his point? Neither of us said a word. We just looked at each other, confused and awkward.

- "Ok, I'll start. I have no sense of humor."

- "You are a bully,"- JJ added.

- "You can be a drill sergeant sometimes,"- I said, and he nodded.

- "Right."

- "You don't trust women as much as men"- you could feel it in Prentiss's voice. That one was personal.

- "Ok, good. I'm all these things, but none of you said that I ever put myself above the team because I don't, ever. Reid and I argued about the definition of classic narcissism, and he knew that I would remember that. He also quoted Genesis chapter 23, verse 4. Read it."

Hotch gave me the book. He wasn't even breathing as she spoke. He was in a hurry. We were all.

- "I'm a stranger and a sojourner with you. Give me property, forbear a place among you that I may bury my dead of my sight."

- "He wouldn't get it wrong unless it were on purpose."

- "He is in a cemetery."- I said and looked at him. He nodded, and I swear to God, I saw a slight smile on his lips. That smile was hope. We were getting closer.

Spencer's point of view

I took a sip of water. I hadn't drunk in days, and my throat burned. I was still a little lost, still a little off.

- "Tobias, is that you?"- I saw him nod, sitting next to me. He moved the cup of water closer so that I could drink some more.

- "Thank you,"- I whispered and looked at him- You saved my life- he stared down at the ground and finally whispered

- "I'm sorry."

- "Why?"

- "He'll win in the end."

It was sad to see Tobias Hankel's good person locked inside a sick mind that also held a psychopath like his father.

- "Tobias, I need to know something. It's important. Are we in a cemetery?"- and he nodded. I smiled at him and sighed, relieved. Help was coming. My team was coming.

- "I used to come here to get high."

- "I was right."

- "No one bothers you here. I never told anyone about it."

He wrapped his belt around my arm, and I turned to him, still smiling. I didn't know if I were happy I was right or glad I would get high again. Maybe both. Maybe the second 'cos the minute that needle got to my vein, that sweet, sweet release felt like a bath of joy that washed away any pain, regret, or guilt I could have ever felt.

Guilt. I've had my share of that. I remember the day I had my mom admitted to the hospital. She hadn't eaten in days. She wouldn't take care of herself, and they're just so much I could do. I wasn't able to keep her safe from herself, from her mind.

- "What are these men doing here?"- she asked me as I walked with two nurses into the study. She was writing and reading. It was all she did, preparing lectures for classes she didn't have to give, in imaginary campuses.

I stood in front of her and hesitated for a second. It was the hardest thing I had ever done, telling mom I was taking her away from her own house.

- "They are from the hospital. They are here to help,"- I whispered and looked at my mother's confused expression. She was so thin. She looked so sick. I felt so guilty I couldn't do better for her.

- "I don't need help, and you can't be here without permission, tell them, Spencer."

She looked down at her books again and tried to continue writing. I took a deep breath, I knew I would break her heart, but there was nothing else I could do.

- "I called them"- she looked at me in pain. Deep, honest pain. Like I had just shattered her heart. Which I had done.

- "Spencer"- she simply whispered and stared into my eyes, begging for an explanation. I was trying my best not to cry. I had a whole speech prepared. I was going to tell her how much I loved her. I was going to explain to her how good it was for her to be in a place where someone could continuously take care of her. I had facts and statistics, but all I managed to say was:

- "I'm doing this for you."

And I felt like a liar. 'Cos, there was a part of me that was doing it for myself too.

- "This isn't legal"- she shook her head in shock and kept trying to find a good explanation to what was going on.

- "Your son is eighteen, ma'am. He can act in your welfare,"- one of the make nurses explained to her.

- "You need help,"- I said and prayed she could understand. But she just burst into tears and begged.

- "I wanna stay here!"

- "I'm... sorry, mom."

- "Please, these are my things, this is my life..."

Those men took her. They took her from her house and put her in a hospital. No. I put her there. I put my mom in a hospital so I could live my life, 'cos I am selfish and couldn't take care of her anymore.

- "Spencer, please, don't do this to me."

Those were the words that haunted me day and night. And my mother's crying face, begging me not to take her from her own house.

What kind of a son am I? I did that to her. I put her in a mental place 'cos I couldn't deal with her disease anymore. 'Cos I didn't know how to take care of her.

- "What are you sorry for, boy?"- I heard Hankel ask when I woke up. I was muttering, "Sorry" as I came back from my trip.

- "I sent her away."

- "Who."

- "My mom. I couldn't help her."

- "Is that a confession?"- I nodded and looked around, confused. Lost. High- "You know the bible. Exodus 21:17"

- "And he that curseth his father or his mother shall surely be put to death,"- I whispered, scared and full of regret.

I heard him walk towards me. He kneeled and uncuffed me. I didn't know what was happening. Honestly, I was still too high to get what was going on around me.

- "Grab a shovel,"- he commanded and walked outside.

I was too weak to dig fast. I don't know how I was actually moving, but I was digging my own grave. I never thought I would ever end up doing such a thing. It's not something you think about, actually. Not unless you work in the BAU. Here, you start analyzing and considering the way you'll die: 'Cos you could, every day.

- "I ought to bury you alive in there, give you some time to think about what you've done,"- Hankel said and looked at me while I worked, playing with a knife.

- "I know what I've done."

- "Don't talk back to me! Dig!"

I pant and kept moving, very slowly, trying to buy myself some time too. I was sure the team was coming to get me any minute now. I was counting on them, though the more I thought about it, the less worthy of salvation I felt. Maybe I deserved to die after all.

I was almost certain I had seen some lights moving in the back. Flashlights. But it could be my mind playing tricks on me. I was too tired. And still too high, too.

- "Dig faster!"- he commanded me as I moved, losing my breath.

- "I'm not strong enough"- I cried, 'cos I felt like that. Like a failure, a child that aimed to be a grown-up and failed miserably. A bad son. The worst agent. A fake that deserved to die.

- "You are all weak!! Get out of there!"

Hankel took off his coat and left it on the ground. I slowly moved so he could dig for me, but the lights in the back took my attention, and he noticed. As soon as he turned around, I quickly grabbed his coat and reached out for the gun.

- "You've only got one bullet, son,"- he said as he looked at me. And I just pulled the trigger.

I shot him. I killed him. Hankel. Raphael. Tobias. I freed Tobias. Or at least, that is what I wanted to think.

- "Reid!!"- I heard (Y/N) yelling as I crawled to Tobia's body. He was still awake. He was himself.

- "You killed him"- he said, and he was relieved- "Do you think I'll get to see my mom again?"

- "I'm sorry,"- I whispered, and he was gone.

- "Reid!!"

(Y/N) yelled and ran over. She kneeled next to me and held me in her arms. I couldn't move, because for a few seconds, I couldn't believe she was real. She was there.

- "Honey, honey, are you ok? Can you hear me?"- she said, and tears started falling from her eyes- "Honey, it's me."

I just looked at her and hugged her. I hugged her as my life depended on it. There she was, next to me, finally.

- "I thought I was never going to see you again,"- I whispered and sobbed.

The urge to kiss her filled my whole body. I needed to taste her. I needed to show her how much I had needed her those days. But I knew I couldn't.

I didn't want to let her go. I didn't for a few minutes. I just hold onto her for my sanity. She kissed my forehead, cupping my face with both hands.

- "I'm so happy to see you. I'm glad you are ok... let's go to the ambulance, ok?"- I nodded but didn't let her go. I felt I could hold her forever. I wanted to keep her close for as long as I lived.

But the rest of the team gathered around us, and I wanted to thank them too. I needed to thank Hotch. So as soon as I let (Y/N) go, I wrapped my arms around him.

- "You alright?"- he asked me.

- "I knew you'd understand,"- I managed to say with tears falling from my eyes and a knot in my throat.

For a moment, I thought I was never going to see the team again. My family.

JJ held me close and apologized. I knew she felt guilty for leaving me alone, but I was the only one culpable for what had happened. I wanted to prove myself, and all I managed to do was prove I was a fool. A useless SSA.

- "It's alright, it wasn't your fault,"- I said and did my best to smile at her. But I know I failed. Gideon grabbed my arm and nodded.

- "Let's get you out of here."

- "Please,"- I whispered before we started walking- "Can I have a second alone?"- he looked at me and nodded, looking at Tobias' body lying by our side. He walked away, and I kneeled next to my capturer.

But instead of paying my respects, instead of cursing. Instead of anything, I took the Dilaudid bottles from his pocket and put them into mine.

And that's how the real hell started.

DIWK Taglist:

@all-tings-diego @big-galaxy-chaos @svveet-peas @muffin-cup @shilohpug

Spencer taglist

@calm-and-doctor

General Taglist

@spenxerslut @ash19871962

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Next update: May 5th, 2021

#Spencer Reid #criminal minds #spencer reid fanfic #babymetaldoll writes #cm fanfic #criminal minds fanfic #Emily prentiss #Aaron Hotchner #jennifer jareau #derek morgan #penelope garcia #emily prentiss #babymetaldoll edits #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid fanfiction

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