#but holy fuck does it feel like its especially bad for me
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one of the biggest things i had to come to grips with art wise is that i can do realism pretty well but just completely fail at anything stylized. sure i can make a pretty picture from what i see but what does it matter when the only thing people take from it is "waow so good thought it was a picture" yeah its a compliment but its one that makes me feel awful bc i realize i do not want my shit to look like a picture. i FUCKING SUUUUCK at drawing and that isnt me being hehe quirky artist who says they cant draw and actually can i mean this shit is difficult as fuck and nobody would understand the extent to how awful i am at actually drawing unless they see me try to. all of my finished pieces were absolutely painstaking and i see ppl do the stuff that takes me many hours much quicker and with more personality with about the same experience shit makes me insane i am trying to learn but my god its like my brain just does not want to cooperate with me it makes it so so hard because i just have an awful mental block. genuinely used to just draw effortlessly (albeit not as well so at least i AM improving somewhat) but now even the simplest shit just overwhelms me. idk what it is. i like to think im pretty good with paintings but god it is so so difficult to do what i wanna without it taking far too long. i am so jealous of ppl who can do quality sketches on a whim. ive noticed i do a lot better blocking out a silhouette and then drawing lines over that when i sketch. makes me think im just not very line-brained?? stupid way to put it idgaf its 5 am. Truly the best thing has been drawing on a shared canvas or on stream idk why it works but it does it just kinda lets me actually make something. i dont wanna just whinge and cry about it but it is truly aggravating and so deeply frustrating to feel like im regressing in my ability to Just Draw because its undoubtedly a psychological thing. ive just been in this rut for yrs now its awful. thinking about buying a sketchbook again tbh
#goodnight#i kust dont know how to explain it#i know im not unique here i am not the specialest most tormented artist#but holy fuck does it feel like its especially bad for me#its been like this for years now#im getting better while drawing far less and with much greater difficulty#i think im just mentally ill im ngl#its some sort of fear of inadequacy i dont know god that is so gay DHUT UP!!!#i wanna enjoy art again and i wanna do it more often god damnit im going to make it happen#ive been taking steps to at elast try and make it happen again i just cannot keep being in this damn rut i hate it#god i am so mad i#and i do enjoy my paintings i just think#that theyre lame#when i do them again i want to do more original shit and put some meaning and feeling to it beyond 'waow impressive'#i have lots of ideas for shit like that its just difficult ss fuck to actuslly get myself to do it#lazy motherfucker!!!
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about to leave a scathing review for a historical fiction book on goodreads (felt so strongly about it i made an account for the first time) then chickening out once i realised i'd put down my full name and i dont want to offend the author TOO much in case we end up working in the same field as historians
#missives#i admire her a lot too which sucks but holy shit. this book is bad its SO bad#maybe i'll post my review here just to get it out of my system#in essence its a book about a real historical figure but shes written in this way where literally all she ever does is serve men#and have babies continuously#and we're meant to believe she's fallen in love with her dropkick of a husband who does fuck all and is constantly abroad#and like. of course i can believe that's how some women were especially given their religious inclinations#but i could feel the feminism leaving my body the longer i read the book like it is that bad i felt like i was being brainwashed#it starts good like it goes into her childhood and relationship with her siblings#but then she just turns into her husband's mother essentially and its so revolting. and it doesnt even feel authentic? like#none of these people feel like real people. they dont fight they dont have nasty thoughts they are so fucking sanitised#i dont know what i expected.jpeg#and this woman is a historian!! she has a phd!!#yet she gets basic things wrong to an immersion-breaking degree#the whole thing is set during the civil wars but she NEVER talks about there being surgeons i have not seen a single mention of a surgeon#shes always referring to doctors and physicians but it's becoming apparent to me that when she says physician#shes just using it as an old timey word for doctor not because she properly understands the 17th century medical hierarchy#fucking hell. im so mad
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thinking about size kink/belly bulge with neteyam :D
– 🪅
🔞mdni; adult!nete - continuation of this blurb
this is the only blurb i'll be posting tonight guys, sorry <3 working on the loak fic tonight :) but thought i'd serve some bfast/lunch/dinner
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"oh, fuck. he definitely did." you curse under your breath, watching in awe as neteyam's hung cock springs from his thigh to slap his belly all on it's own.
it rests on his stomach, fat tip oozing a bead of clear, glossy precum right below his cross shaped ribs. he's watching, too - witnessing the bead of precum slowly trickle down into the dip of his belly button. his head snaps up, predatory, irate gaze boring directly into yours. if he didn't have his hands tied behind his back, you would have actually been a bit frightened.
"untie me." he growls deep in his chest, attempting to lunge forward only to be tugged backward by his restraints. "eywa, woman."
you open your legs wider as a response, scooting towards him as your two fingers spread your folds for him - exposing your glistening pussy. now he's the one staring in awe, gaze softening into something of wanton. the look on his face gives it away, the relaxed brows, his slightly parted lips - the way his chest heaves. wrapping your dainty fingers around his throbbing cock, your thumb grazes over his cockhead before you quickly put it in your mouth to have a taste.
"mmm. still don't get how it's so sweet." you hum, tongue swiping across your bottom lip.
neteyam's arousal is undeniable, especially now that you've done that. seeing you taste him so eagerly just made his cock throb even more, his heart thump even harder. his blood rushes not only to his cock but to his face, staining his cheeks a faint shade of pink.
"wouldn't mind if i borrowed him for a bit, right? you pant, slowly brushing your fingers against his firm balls and up his entire length, before grasping his cock once more.
what could he say? no? all he wanted to do was break free, pin you down and sink his cock inside you. but here you are, asking permission to do just that. maybe being tied up isn't as bad as he thought. it didn't matter what he said, though. you were having your way with him regardless, lining up his mushroomy tip with your dripping slit. so, he opts to stay quiet and watch the show unfold.
you smile, feeling like you were in control for once in this relationship. unbeknownst to you, he's loosening the flimsy knot on the rope restraining his wrists behind his back.
"i'll take that... as a yes." you huff, lifting your hips to slowly sink his cock inside your cunt. "oh fuck, fuck, fuck." you moan breathily, as you both watch every inch of him disappear inside you, pelvises meeting one another.
he peers up at your screwed face through furrowed brows, breathing loudly as your cunt stretches out to accommodate his sheer size. he grits his teeth, willing himself to remain silent as you use him like a fucktoy, sliding up and down on his cock. his eyes slam shut, heavy breaths quickly morphing into low groans.
"yeah? that feel good? tell me, nete." you pant, grip tightening around his ankles while you use them as leverage to fuck his cock faster.
his eyes fly open, staring directly into yours, just as he rams his cock so deep inside you that your body has nowhere to go but up. "holy fuck, neteyam!" you cry out, feeling his tip threaten drill its way into your cervix. he holds his position, heels of his feet digging into the ground beneath him.
"you tell me. does that feel good? hm?" he growls, gaze dropping to the bulge in your abdomen. "look at me inside you, so fucking deep." he say breathily, hands slipping through the rope just in time to grab your hips to shove you further down on his cock. a loud, piercing whimper evades your flushed lips, as the bulge in your belly only protrudes more.
"i said, look at me inside you!" he shifts his hips, jamming his tip into your gummy walls.
your head snaps down, breath hitching as you take in the sight of the bulge jutting out of your belly. "oh shit." you let out a soft mewl.
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#high issy talks#neteyam smut#avatar smut#awow smut#neteyam sully smut#neteyam sully#neteyam sully x reader#neteyam x you#neteyam imagine#neteyam x y/n#neteyam x reader#neteyam#neteyam x female reader#lo'ak smut#lo’ak smut#loak smut
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bad idea right? | Leah Williamson.
category: song fic / angst-ish.
summary: it’s a bad idea, right?
word count: 5k.
warnings: mentions and hints of smut. tbh I have no idea where this went, forgot it was a song fic LOL.
Getting fucked up seemed to be a weekly occurrence by now, Fridays, Saturdays, sometimes Sundays with a cheeky Monday off work but you never intended for it to become like this.
It had been months since it ended and all the alcohol, that had taken minutes off your life with every shot, has seemed to have subdued the feelings, the thoughts and the emotions. Focusing on your friends as well as new friendly faces at times, the ones you found in your bed in the early morning as well as a banging headache, made you forget all about a certain blonde.
Thats where you find yourself now, stumbling from side to side as the music pumped all around you with no idea whether you were dreaming or living reality. You were that pissed. All night you had been trying to find someone to distract you, give you what you really craved on these nights. It wasn't just the alcohol, well, it does make the sex a tiny bit better, especially when you have no idea who it really is exploring your body. Sex, sex is the other reason.
You slumped into an empty booth you found in the corner, finding yourself alone with no idea where the others have relocated. You don't think you could find them even if you tried, in your state, it could take a while, and then you'd end up further than you were. Necking down the drink in hand, your eyes once again scanned the room. Hot, sticky and horny and you were nowhere near able to describe yourself as the three. Just wasted.
You couldn't stay here much longer, it was boring. Too boring to admit that it was the worst night out in a while and it hasn't done anything to benefit you. At all.
About to give up and dash, two of your friends piled down beside you and they were definitely apart of the three adjective category. Hot, sticky and horny.nNot to mention, those two do love sucking each others face off whilst continuously broadcasting that they were straight.
Definitely not.
Your eyebrow raised as they practically climbed on top of each other, shuffling to the side slightly to not seem like you were in a throuple and sticking to the arm of the booth as if you were caught in a fly trap.
They were most definitely not making you feel any better.
"Alright?" Another voice was heard, well one that is talking words instead of moans. She was just as fucked, like you. Although she was having more fun.
"Does it look like it?" You groaned as you got nudged by a stray elbow, deciding it was best to crawl under the table to the other side to sit next to her instead.
"Not having fun?"
"Weirdly, no. I don't know."
"You need to find someone, even if its a quick shag in the bathroom. You need a release."
"Do you not think I've been trying, theres literally no gay women in here i find attractive.. or me attractive." You complain as you saw your phone light up from your bag, slipping it out of its space to find a name you didn't expect to see, eyes widening as you struggled to look away. "Its like so homophobic.."
Words slurring, you read the name over again. Shaking your head slightly, you tossed your phone on the table, unsure on what to do. The heat of the room and the unexpected text made you sweat slightly, head finally becoming noticeably fuzzy.
"Who was that?"
"No one."
Her eyes squinted and you furrowed your eyebrows in confusion before it was all revealed when she snatched your phone quicker than the speed of light from your side of the table, gasping as she managed to unlock it.
"Holy shit! Is that the Leah, Leah?" She squealed as if it was the most ideal thing to happen right now, completely ignoring the things that went down which you had told her about.
Things, was nothing. It was mutual.
"Y/N.." Her voice toned down as she turned your phone to you, the red and green buttons the first thing you saw. "Answer!"
"I cant, its too loud in here.."
Your mind begged for you to do so but you didn't want to give into her that easily, you knew how arrogant she was and, most likely, still is. You always liked to edge her anyway, in all circumstances.
After grabbing your phone back, you noticed you still had a photo of you both as the background, remembering when you set it. It was a mirror selfie, the mirror that you both found in the expensive looking bathroom, in the expensive restaurant she took you to. On the third date. She spoiled you and you loved to be spoiled rotten.
The girl next to you changed the subject a while ago, waffling your ear off as you sat staring, daydreaming as your phone lit up every few minutes. Your brought your thumb up to your mouth, biting your nail slightly as your thought process whirled. You wanted so desperately to take a peak, a look at what she wanted. All notifications were from her, you could tell.
You liked this possessive, toxic side of her. She never allowed you to go out without her and if you did, she'd be blowing up your phone like she was right now. On about the 10th notification, you gave in. Reaching eagerly for your abandoned device.
'I miss you..'
'Come to mine. I need you.'
'I'm alone.'
'Why are you not answering me?'
'Come on, Y/N. I know you want to.'
'Don't be a bitch.'
From that, you could tell she had also been drinking which was a rare occasion seeming as she was a professional footballer. You knew how she was like drunk…
'I can see you've read my messages.'
You bit your lip as you struggled to reply, drunken mind in the midst. You should probably, probably not. Your focus dropped at what she sent next, eyes bulging out of their sockets nearly at the sheer audacity she had. You didn't have much time to prepare for the salivating photo she sent, it bugged you so much so that you had to clear your throat even when you hadn't spoken for about 20 minutes.
The confidence that irradiated was not unusual, but this was better than you remembered. Sending a nude on imessages was risky.
'Like what you see? Come. Over.'
'Or at least send me one back.. don't be boring.'
Your stomach was fluttering so much you had to hold an arm over it and with your pupils fully dilated, you conjured up a reply;
'What's your address?'
'Bold to have claimed i've moved, you stalking me?'
She replied back ravenously quick, she must be desperate but she can never help but tease into it.
'Maybe. That didn't answer my question though, i thought you wanted me over?'
'I do.'
'Well then don't mess around.'
You smirked slightly as you took hold of the reigns, waiting as Leah typed her address out, the heat getting to you. Your friend had disappeared without your acknowledgment, giving you a clear way out without any suspicion, not before said girl pushed you back down in your seat.
"Where do you think you're going in such a rush?"
"I was.."
"You were going to see Leah, weren't you?" She raised her eyebrows as she mixed her drink with her straw, shimmying slightly before nudging you with her shoulder.
"I.. it's bad idea, right?" You spoke as you watched her through the lids of your eyes, scratching the side of your head as the thoughts came trailing back but they were too blurred to exactly understand.
"Fuck no! You want this Y/N, you need it. You need her.." She teased, posture so upright as she sipped through her straw.
"But.. what about the others.."
That was an excuse and a question you already knew the answer too.
"Look at them. I think they're okay." She nodded towards the dance floor, spotting the two other girls basically fucking in public. "Besides, I met a guy at the bar, so, I'm busy. Go."
She stood up and scurried off, leaving you back to where you were. You knew what she said was right, you were drunk and you have suspected Leah was too. All could be worked out in the morning.
As you were getting up, your phone buzzed once more;
'You're taking too long, hurry up otherwise you'll be down an orgasm.'
You scoffed at the threat, who does she think she is? She is the one that is begging for you.
Rolling your eyes, you left her on read before turning your way through the puzzle of littered people and towards the exit. The anticipation of the night ahead having already sobered you up a little but not enough to make you rethink your choice.
After you flagged cab down and got into it, you hesitantly read out your ex's address to the driver and you watched with intent as he typed it into his satnav.
This is a bad idea, right?
You felt a bit queasy as he started to drive, said satnav displaying the journey to only be 10 minutes, the slowest yet mind consuming 10 minutes. Looking out the window with your hand over your mouth, you came to realise how stupid this all was. How easy it was just to fall right back into her arms after being uncommunicative with each other for 4 months. One simple text and show of possession.
But it was mostly just the nag at the back of your head as you imagined Leah, her body and her touch. Her voice.. the mix of masculinity and femininity that she adorned.
The car came to a halt abruptly, breaking you out of your provocative daydream;
"We are here, love."
You almost gagged at the pet name used by the middle aged man sat in the front seat, only Leah could call you that. At least for tonight. She'd be seething if she was there to witness that.
With a quick 'thanks' you hastily got out of the car, rounding to his window to slip him some cash. Not bothering with the change as you stepped up to the modern apartment complex. You checked the number of her flat and pressed the button that lived next to it, no one answered but you heard the complaint of the door as it unlocked and you stepped right in.
As you climbed the stairs to her floor, you ruffled your hair out a bit and adjusted your dress to show off the right attributes. You know you didn't need to make any changes, it was Leah after all.
Once you reached the floor, you heard a captivating wolf-whistle echo down the hallway, looking to find a certain blonde leaning against the door way with just a large jumper and her panties on.
"Expecting something?" You asked and stopped in the middle of the hallway, noticing her eyes give in to look at where she missed most; your boobs.
"Yeah, a parcel about 15 minutes ago. I'll let it slide if you're the exchange to what i ordered."
"Am i an object to you, hey?" You questioned, walking antagonisingly slow towards her, placing the palm of your hands on her chest as you found yourself in reach.
"Not complaining." She muttered as she bit her lip, eyes fully dilated as her fingers trailed round to your back to undo a quarter of your zip. Only doing the rest once she pulled you inside. Her touch on you was rough, as you remembered, and the kiss was sloppy. Both of you trying to get the most of each other, indulging in each others closeness in the most disgusting way.
After slamming the door closed, she had you squashed up against it, continuing her rampage.
This isn't exactly how you thought your night would end.
The eagerness inside her was more than you interpreted and you found yourself wanting her more, even closer to you than she already was. She had managed to tug your dress down half way, exposing more of your skin, and her lips travelled with her touch until she was planted fully on her knees in front of you.
Your mouth was half open as you both kept your stare on each other, addressing your consent through your gaze. She was about to fuck you and you had barely made it into her home yet. You guessed a new house called for a christening.
It shouldn't have shocked you that you both lasted to the early hours of the morning, finding yourself laying down next to her in the now sweaty sheets of her extremely comfy bed. You had guessed it was new. All that was heard in the dim room was both your heavy breathing, deep sighs occasionally heard as you struggled to find the words. Now this was slightly awkward.
You found your stuff was all over the floor as you peered over, trying to reach over for your bag without moving from your spot. The energy had completely left your soul, let alone your body.
Grabbing hold of the strap with the tips of your fingers, you dragged it towards you and plucked your phone out whilst a warm hand laid down on the naked skin of your back, making you jump and nearly fall off. She snuck her arm around your waist and laid you back down before you could do so, shuffling closer as her fingers kept their trail on your waist.
Her head rested on your shoulder as you unlocked your phone, revealing tons of messages on your 'besties' group chat that have grouped together on your lock screen. Either asking where you were and who you were with.
Leah's head nuzzled against your skin and you knew you had to be careful whilst replying;
'I'm at home, i was asleep.'
After you sent the message, you threw it back on the floor and settled back down next to the blonde, facing each other. You both didn't say anything, nor touched. Not before you reached out and tucked her sprawled hair behind her ear.
"I've always loved when you have your hair down, makes you ten times hotter." You whispered as you leant closer to her face, your lips dangerously close that you could feel each others hitched breaths.
"Yeah? Is that the only reason?" She teased, moving her face away from yours to gradually sit up, leg wrapping around your waist to straddle you before leaning back down.
Your hands instinctively moved to the back of her neck, fingertips buried in the roots of her blonde strands.
"Maybe because i can pull it too," You pulled at it slightly, a faint moan spilling from her lips that still stroked against your own. "run my fingers through it and tell you where i want-"
She crashed her lips onto yours, cutting you off. Teeth clashing against each others and you both didn't give in to the oxygen that was needed momentarily, causing you to yank her back by her hair. She smirked slightly in her daze whilst you held her back, slowly sitting up with her still in your lap.
You kept your grasp as you rounded your lips to her neck, whispering in her ear. "You never told me you had a hair pulling kink.."
"Oh, baby.. i have more than just that you were yet to figure out.."
You awoke a few hours later with only a mere headache, the only real protruding ache coming from elsewhere. You hadn't had this feeling in a while, it made you want to stay wrapped up in her arms for the rest of the day. Life even. As you were laying on your stomach, you turned your head to face her, the mix of sunlight and sticky mascara blurring your eyesight but you could just about make out that she was still asleep.
You pushed yourself up by the palm of your hands and got out from under the sheets, picking your phone up from off the floor and going on the hunt for the bathroom, not before pulling on Leah's jumper.
Completely disarrayed, you didn't think to realise your surroundings, trodding round the corner to find one of Leah's teammates in the kitchen who had already noticed your arrival.
"Holy shit." You pressed your hand on your heart as she came to view, recognising her as Lia Walti who you knew all to well from over the years.
"Hi Y/N.." She raised an eyebrow as she spoke, voice full of confusion, not forgetting to look you up and down. "Had fun?"
"Are you roommates? She didn't say. You weren't-"
"No, just got back from Switzerland." She nodded towards the pile of bags as she sipped her tea. "Good job i didn't come back last night, it seems."
"We're just friends." You blurted, covering one foot with the other as you stayed stood in the doorway.
"I didn't mention.. or ask.. but okay, if you say so."
"Last night didn't mean anything.. we were drunk." You continued, disheveled with the moment.
"Liebe, i wasn't the one you fucked." She giggled at your ramble. "You weren't that drunk to realise you were with Leah, right?"
"Oh. I know it was Leah."
"Ew. Where is she anyway?"
"Asleep.. do you know where the bathroom is?" You asked as your head pounded, rubbing a hand across your forehead.
"Down the hall, on the left." She nodded.
Muttering a quick 'thank you', you turned back around and eventually found the toilet, doing your business as well as searching for a packet of paracetamol to ease the ache that accumulated over the last hours. Swallowing them dry, you noticed yourself in the mirror and realised the state of yourself. The affect of the alcohol releasing the anxieties you were supposed to feel before the whole ordeal, creating a sense of regret.
Even though you didn't want to regret it.
You stalked back into Leah's bedroom, waking the girl up with your loud presence as you collected your clothes, muttering to yourself.
"What's the rush?" Her voice was hoarse and she cleared it slightly, she did make a lot of noise last night so you weren't an inch surprised.
After stripping off her jumper, you chucked it at her, covering her bare chest which was exposed to you. "This was a bad idea."
She scoffed, throwing her head back at the stubbornness as she leant back on her elbows. She watched as you tried to wiggle on your dress from the night before, raising an eyebrow at the way you struggled, frustrating yourself to points end.
"Okay, Y/N. Stop, you can borrow some of my clothes." She sighed, standing up without an insecurity shown, full body on display as she opened her slightly overfilled wardrobe and chucked you a pair of joggers as well as the jumper you had just thrown back.
You couldn't help yourself but let yours eye's travel, her body painted with marks you had created and the scratches on her back made your eyes widen. As a lesbian, you didn't think your nails were that long enough to cause such a profound mark.
"What?"
"When do you next have training?" You nervously giggled.
"Tomorrow.. why?"
"No reason."
She'll find out for herself, or Lia will tell her.
Getting home was when things really hit you. You had promised yourself that you were going to stay away that time, considering you didn't all the other times it was not surprising but that was the furthest you had gotten without her. And you failed once again.
It was like failing rehab, you relapsed and now your transition period starts again.
What makes it worse was that it was really good sex, too good- mind blowing. Now, you would't stop thinking about it, and her, and your relationship. It was toxic to even be thinking like this, so you made the sacrifice and got rid of her number. She had messaged you a few times beforehand, clearly unsatisfied by your ghosting to the point where it was pissing her off and she continuously spammed you. Every moment so, you did what you had to do even if your heart said differently.
Your friends didn't need to have the conversation with you, it was obvious you lied to them with that message, considering you basically ran after your friends confirmation to go to her, to Leah. They now find you insistently down in the dumps, like they usually did after a run in with your ex. That meant, more drink and more random hook ups. This time without Leah unblocked and able to access your communication. At all.
"That girl is cute." Your friend pointed behind you but you had no expectation whatsoever, turning your head slightly to see a very straight looking girl. You rose your eyebrow at her telling her to be for real before you sipped at your drink. "What she is?"
"Yes, and the straightest looking in the fucking room. Not to mention, extremely basic. Cough, straight." You responded sarcastically, scoffing slightly as you rolled your eyes, your friend mirroring your expression to get back at your mocking.
"Well, you definitely need more gay friends then."
"I would if you both came out" You nodded your head to your other friend sitting close beside her, those were the two snogging their faces off the night you went to see you know who.
"We're straight!" The both exclaimed leaving them with their mouths hanging open, shuffling away from each other slightly. Oops.
"Not even close girls, snap out of it." You laughed, using the palms of your hands to escape the scene and scoot out of your seat. "Drinks?"
You were hoarded with a bunch of different beverages names before you puzzled your way to the bar, weirdly feeling a heavy stare on you as you did so. Choosing to ignore it, you straightened your posture as you approached the bar, finding a not so bad looking bartender in the process.
"Hey, what can I get you, pretty?" She smirked as she wiped clean the glass that was in her hand, her white shirt sleeves rolled up to her elbows-veins revealed, now thats gay.
You couldn't help the blush that coated your cheeks, tucking your hair behind you ear as you began to order, leaning closer for her to be able to hear better. She leant in that tiny bit closer also, eyes drifting across your features.
She made you your drinks and you were in awe, leaning your chin against your knuckles as you stared at her and every aspect. Still feeling an intense sense of someone prying behind you, trying to ignore it as you kept your focus on her for a distraction. The collection of glasses were laid out in front of you in a matter of minutes as well as one napkin she laid down too, picking it up gently to find an inked scribble on the other side- you winked at her and stuffed it into your bra before digging into your purse to find your phone (to pay.)
You attention was caught off guard as an arm leant over you with their card, your eyes widening as you noticed the rings clad on the persons long, and skilled, fingers as they tapped it against the card machine. Your eyes peaked from under your eyelids to see the bartenders face drop, moving onto another customer and you huffed at the unwanted attention.
"Fancy seeing you here, pretty." She exaggerated the nickname as she nestled her mouth close to the side of your head, hands falling inconspicuously onto your waist.
"What are you doing here, Leah."
"Same reason as you- partying, flirting.." You felt her tense from behind you, glaring daggers at the poor girl behind the bar as she turned to look at you both again. Your breath hitched as Leah moved her hand to tuck her fingers in your bra, ultimately pulling out the crumbled bit of tissue and chucking it back on the bar all whilst looking at her.
You slapped her hand away as she teased, not wanting to move any time soon. "Don't touch me."
Not looking back, you began to walk away, you didn't need to fall into her trap again- not this soon. Just as you thought you had escaped, your hand was yanked back and you were suddenly flushed against her body once again, your heart racing with nerves and curiosity.
"I miss you." Her accent came out deep, groping at any bit of skin.
"Leah.."
"I miss you, Y/N."
"You don't, you miss the sex and the idea of me." You used your elbows in between you both to struggle yourself out of her grip, face stern as you replied. You're trying to be the bigger person. For yourself. "I shouldn't have gone back to you that night."
"That's a lie-"
"Shut up." You spat, for once putting Leah in her place. "We have tried this multiple times before and we always, always end up in the same position. On what earth are you thinking that this is going to end up differently this time?" The blonde was gobsmacked, unusual for her usual exterior- you almost felt bad for how she looked so vulnerable. "Move on, Lee."
Seeing the cogs whirling in Leah's face, you try to make an exit once again, thinking this time you were surely alone- no more Leah in your life before you were pulled back once more.
"No."
"Leah, for fuck sake.." You placed your fingers on the bridge of your nose, sighing for what felt the millionth time that night.
"No, listen to me. Let me talk, please." Her voice sounded like it wobbled if you didn't think mishear it over the thumping of the music, her eyes shone with need and necessity. This wasn't the usual Leah, she looked defenceless- helpless. As much as you hated it, your heart clenched and you nodded, herself eagerly taking your hand to lead you out of the club towards a quiet place.
The chill in the air had your different intakes of oxygen reveal into the night sky, you shivered slightly and Leah stepped closer, hoping the warmth radiating from her could hit you in some way.
"I'm not lying when I say I miss you." She started, voice quiet as the cloud full the words evaporated into the air. "I mean it, when I called you and texted you that night it wasn't because I was drunk and horny.. well I was but that wasn't all of it. I wouldn't of asked anyone else of the sort-"
"Thanks for letting me know, I really appreciate that." The sarcasm spilled- you couldn't help it.
"Just, please.."
"Sorry, carry on."
"What I'm trying to say is that, the way I was in our relationship is something I regret everyday. I took advantage of you, I pretended to be someone that I never was and now it's the only way people know me and I hate it. I really did love you, Y/N, as much as I didn't say it that much it became a habit where I didn't let myself say it- for some reason, I liked the way I became and now coming to think of it, it was so fucking stupid. I cared more about some made up personality than the love of my life and I want to punish myself every fucking day for losing you. I miss you, I love you and I hate myself for making you think differently about yourself. I hate that I manipulated you, downgraded you, everything that I said or did that made you cry, made you leave with a hurt expression and your heart broken.. I would kill to bring back the time to redo my wrongs with you, I never should have felt the need to be such a dick especially not to someone as precious as you are. I know you've probably already made your mind up about me and never want to see or hear from me again, I promise that will happen but I just needed you to know that I am sorry. I miss you Y/N, but I will respect your wishes."
The tears streamed down your face like every bit of fluid inside you wanted an escape, you never though such words could fall out of a mouth like your exes, the state of vulnerably of hers was confusing and you didn't know what to do, usually it was the other way round- yet you were the one still in tears. Leah's had only just glossed over as she leant back against the brick wall behind her, covering her face with her hands.
"Did or do?" You sobbed, fiddling with your hands.
Her face peaked out of her hands to find you were still there, in fact closer to her than you were. The threatening tears finally broke the barrier Leah held and you quickly swiped them away as you caught their entrance, keeping your hands on her cheeks as you looked over her.
"What?"
"Did love me or do love me?" You whispered, thumbs tracing her cheek bones, swiping up a stray eyelash of hers in the meanwhile. Her eyes were wide with hope as she looked you over, hands reaching out to pull you closer in fear of letting you go.
"I love you. I love you, Y/N. So much." Her voice cracked with a sob following, lips contorting from a frown to a smile as she wrapped her arms around your neck and buried herself into you as much as she could. You snaked your arms around her back, one hand moving to hold the back of her head as you tried to soothe her with pressing light kisses into her hair. She relished in your hold as she was before leaning back, sniffling before attaching her lips to yours in a delicate kiss.
This felt more right than never before, you think this time, it might work out in the end.
#woso#woso x reader#woso imagines#woso oneshots#woso oneshot#woso imagine#woso fanfic#Leah Williamson imagine#Leah williamson x reader#arsenalwfc#Leah Williamson oneshot#arsenalwfc imagine#wlw#wlw imagine#lgbtq
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Lucifer if you were a Luciferian before coming to the devildom
as a devotee I think this would be fucking hilarious bc I’ve seen people do “hail Satan” shirts but hear me out-
** a treat before part 2
Lucifer:
- probably will not recognize you off the bat
- Like he’s like “oh ok it’s you” but it doesn’t connect that your HIS
- Like he’s under a lot of pressure right now and stress
- Is pleasantly surprised that you listen so well. Probably gets smug that you listen so obediently
- Sees his sigil on your necklace or something and then it hits him like a fucking BRICK
- Especially if he peeps you doing stuff for him out of habit
- Goes back to look at your file and is like “holy shit I’m literally your patron”
- Will bring it up to you and ask why you don’t make a big deal of it
- “I mean I was already used to living with you? This ain’t much different”
- Ngl in the beginning he would manipulate you about the stairs bc your a good little disciple you’ll do whatever your deity says right?
- But that wouldn’t work bc his first and most basic belief is fuck blind obedience and to question things when uncertain
- Honestly a “fuck I taught you so well but now your using it against me” situation
- Will ease up that you don’t have bad intentions but he’s going to protect his brothers first and foremost
- Will really keep using the line “do not forget that you belong to me” when he’s trying to intimidate you
- But your used to him dragging you to get your life together to its very ineffective
- Gets really frustrated that you already know his nitpicky strict habits because he likes punishing people and lecturing so the fact that he can’t do that to you to be petty really bothers him
- Gets kinda flustered about spending time with you because he’s so used to knowing everything about your life you getting to see him in his home feels too vulnerable for his liking
- Will ABSOLUTELY bring up embarrassing stories about you
- “Ah, remember when you were asking me to help you get a date? Because I definitely do”
- “Me and your ancestors definitely talk about your questionable taste in men”
- Please use this opportunity to be like “this you🤨” because he will have no answer
- “So what the fuck was you sending me all those 11:11 for😐 please elaborate”
- “…. I don’t know what your talking about”
- “What was the reason for you giving me that headache?”
- Will literally Triple his pride when y’all start being intimate
- You’ve given him a god complex but don’t call it that he will get an attitude
- “My most devoted worshiper letting me use them how I wish”
- Will use that as an excuse to fuck you everywhere
- Likes that you have jewelry with his sigil on it or anything you wear for him
- Feels like a collar, letting everyone know you’re his
- Pulls a mammon and calls you “My human” a lot
- Very overprotective
- Probably makes a pact with you In secret before the end of the program
- Like you guys basically already had one why not make it official??
- Especially if he reached out to you and not the other way around? Lmao yeah your definitely his
- If any of the other brothers find out they WILL moan and groan about you not working with them
- Mammon and asmo are the most vocal
- Might end up having to get stuff for them and your altar too love :/
- They will give you stuff to put up there along with a candle
- Congratulations you now are working with 7 demons and they are all very needy
- Belphie will use that as an excuse to take a nap with him all the time
- “Your doing this in devotion to me cmooooon”
- They all will use that card with you actually lmao good luck
- “Mc! Come watch this anime with me! Your doing it in worship of me so you have to😌”
- Mammon had run that excuse dry bc sir doing your homework does not count as a devotional activity 🙄😒
- Lucifer will brag that it was fate that you were brought to him
- Will also pretend that he chose you on purpose knowing damn well he didn’t 😂
- “But of course I had to choose you, I knew you were the best option.”
- You literally didn’t even look at the name on the paper 😭😭
#lucifer x reader#lucifer obey me#x black!reader#x black male reader#x black fem reader#obey me x reader#obey me swd#obey me nightbringer#obey me x black reader#lucifer#my writing#witchy reader#fr#lucifer smut#om lucifer
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GOOD MORNINGGGG(istg if you dont reply to those tiktoks imma-)
ANYWAY i woke up and had an idea for u cuz im so smart and imma give it to you
so lemme get theeee mcflurry and a big mac(full band headcannons) with a bf who just be maddddd clingy and they love it like all the time but thing is if someone does it a lot then they bound to need space and they thought if they told reader to stop he finna be sad
BUT sooner or mf they yell(not yell yell) for reader to stop for just a god damn minute and readers just like "ok🤷🏾" AND WALKS AWAY AND DOESNT HUG OR KISS THEM FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK(hell even two)💀💀💀💀like they will sit next to bro and he doesn't even lean on them😭🤚🏾
like he aint mad or nothin he just took it really literally😭
add anything you want like duhhh
BAND X CLINGY READER
teehee hii😈 you send me like 10 tiktoks in under a minute bro
BILL:
・He genuinely does love when your clingy
・Bro is clingy asf himself oml-
・Yet everybody needs alone time to themselves, and eventually he would just feel the need to be alone
・He really didn't want to hurt your feelings, he knew this was your way of showing your love, but he would eventually get overwhelmed.
・At first he'd try giving you small hints, like when he would say he wanted to go out for a walk. Yet everytime you wanted to come along and he didn't have the willpower to ask to go alone.
・He puts up with it for a little longer before he reaches a breaking point.
"M/N! Please just leave me alone for a second holy fuck-"
"Oh, okay."
・He'd feel relieved you weren't mad at him
・Yet after a day- hell maybe even a few hours- he's craving that touch again.
・Like sitting next to you on the couch just waiting for you to hold his hand or cuddle him VKYXWUHWVEE
・You took u alot of his time so now that you didn't hang out with him as much he felt surprisingly lonley.
TOM:
・Less patient than Bill.
・Babe he loves your touch, kissing you and holding you and snuggling you and-
・He won't admit it but he's actually quite clingy too.
・He really loves his alone time though, especially if its spent playing his guitar. He just likes to be alone to relax his mind
・Gives you a few subtle warnings, telling you he "has to clear his mind" and "needs to relax"
・Yet you would still cling to his shoulders like a koala. He loved you soso much and didn't want to hurt your feelings but he felt almost suffocated.
・Telling you he's going somewhere only for you to say "Ah, where are you going? Can I come too?"
"Can I go anywhere without you following me?!"
・lol ok
・You shrugged and walked away from him, he wanted to tell out your name and call you back but he also wanted time to himself
・Feels anxious when you don't hug or kiss him like you used to, he's afraid you'll break up with him or something.
GEORG:
・He'd get overwhemles pretty quickly
・No no, don't get him wrong, he absolutely loves hugging you. But sometimes he would rather hangout and talk instead of snuggling for hours.
・So if you ask to go out with him somewhere he doesn't care at all at first, actually encouraging you to come along with him.
・But, like Tom, he loves to be alone.
・It's just comforting for him to be in a quiet area with nobody else.
・Bro gives no warnings, just flat out says "Can you not touch me right now..?"
"My bad."
・He's happy you understand him and don't just yell at him. He's happy you respect his boundaries
・He finds himself missing your touch, how you would kiss him all over his cheeks and lips or how you would play with his hair when yo would cuddle.
・HE THINKS YOUR MAD AT HIMMMMMMMM
・He's kinda scared to ask you to start giving him attention again
・You seem fine so...shouldnt he feel fine too?
(he doesn't)
GUSTAV:
・KJHBECJJLEFCBLUIEHRCLKUWEBDCLJHWEDCMKWEDCBMJDCMJWEDBM
・He absolutely loves your affection, doesn't care if he's doing something he will stop and hold you if that's what you want.
・He just feels so safe and happy in your armssss
・Sometimes he just needs a little break, like maybe a few hours or a day to himself.
・He always feels bad about this though, he loves you more than anything and doesn't wanna push you away.
・He'd give so many hints because he doesn't wanna hurt your feelings omfg
・Eventually just tells you flat out, even though his heart is pounding.
"I just need to be alone, M/N!" "That's fine."
・He doesn't know whether to be confused or relieved, he's a mix of both.
・He misses your affection so bad wtf...
・Just wants to pick you up and cuddle while watching a movie, but he's waiting for you to make a move but you want to respect him and-
・its very confusing.
#tokio hotel x reader#tokio hotel x male reader#tokio hotel x you#tokio hotel#bill kaulitz#bill kaulitz x male reader#bill kaulitz x reader#bill kaulitz x non binary reader#bill kaulitz x you#tom kaulitz#tom kaulitz x male reader#tom kaulitz x reader#tom kaulitz x y/n#tom kaulitz x you#georg listing#georg listing x male reader#georg listing x non binary reader#georg listing x reader#gustav schäfer#gustav schäfer x male reader#gustav schäfer x non binary reader#gustav schäfer x reader#gustav schafer x reader#x male y/n#x reader#x male reader
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gnashing my teeth over vetinari and vimes in this au because you know what happens when you take 'not close but the closest another human can come to understanding me' and then give a thirty year headstart to the slower guy?
Harold, its just actually understanding . It's just understanding and being understood by another human, if only for brief, precious moments.
Sure vetinari understands vimes, that's not exceptional. (Except it is, it is, already so few knew him anymore, and now in the past again, having lost everything, everything - but this fresh faced dictator to be. This man who looks into people's souls and then gives vimes a double look).
But who really gets vetinari? Who else looks at children playing with garbage and sees the arteries of a world that could, must be? Who looks at pisstained ruins and sees the schools that will be built overlayed with every grueling step it will take to get there? Who's only weapon and only constraint is his own flesh and time, too much time, never enough time? Who has a Duty to The city beyond religious, ordained by the creator of their universe, something above gods and yet far, far beneath them.
Vimes doesnt need someone to direct his life. He's never needed that. Except holy shit he does, he definitely does, he needs a whole fucking support team but hes making less than minimum wage now. Give him something, anything to believe in.
Vetinari doesn't need to be believed in . He's never needed that. But he is still a man, and whoooo booooooy it is a heady thing to be trusted so recklessly, especially by someone like him, who mistrusts everything.
take that late canon Synergy, break it apart and then put it back together with a little bit more breathing room, a wee less intense power dynamics...!
Anyway they're friends. Best friends. By default possibly, since they don't have any other ones, but still. Two friends with souls too weathered for the lives their bodies have lived, bodies which are, at least at one point, and I'm not joking, teenage guys.
...
I just think they're neat.
...
Is it homerotic? Well first we have to remember that Samuel Vimes is doing Bad. We remember that? Ok. Now, let me ask you - is vimes the type of depressed that masturbates to feel something, or the type of depressed that cannot fathom human contact without pain. Exactly. It's like the cat that's both in the box and not or whatever. Sometimes one of them will be laying on the ground staring at the sky through the ceiling and the other will come and lay down next to him and their fingers will lightly brush against eachother and it will be the singular most intimate moment of not just their lives but also the life of the assassin that was watching in confusion from the window.
#Nightwatch au#discworld au#My au#discworld#Sam vimes#Honestly you could call this au 'everyone has a slightly better time than canon except for one cop specifically'#I CAN NOT EMPHASIZE THIS ENOUGH - THEY GO ON VETINARIS CANONICAL RICHBOY DISCWORLD EASTERN EUROPEAN BACKPACKING TRIP TOGETHER#The au could probably stand firm on that fact alone ngl
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SEVENTEEN members as songs from ttpd (from the first drop)
s.coups- i can do it with a broken heart
starting off slightly sad but he’s a real tough kid and he can definitely handle anything.
i think I saw an edit of him somewhere to this and cried
i’m seriously so proud of him always
taylor did write this for all the eldest daughters/ siblings
just super coups coded
jeonghan- fortnight ft. post malone
“your wife waters flowers i want to kill her” peak jeonghan vibes. he would commit a crime for funsies <3
also “i love you, it’s ruining my life” because man did he def ruin my life
tell me one jeonghan fan who’s mentally stable, we’re all a little crazy (myself included)
insanity and everything packed in one fr
joshua- fresh out the slammer
HE IS THE PRETTIEST BABY EVER OKAY
i too would go to jail for him
i’d also never lose my baby again
honestly him and jeonghan are both interchangeable, they’re both pretty and insane
OH! and i’d also disappear for a glimpse of his smile like fr fr my joshy :((((
jun- the tortured poets department
who’s gonna know him and love him if not me??
we’re also modern idiots and slightly crazy
OH! also the bridge is so junnie coded like honestly anything he does makes me feel like my heart will explode so
junnie is everything in this song minus the tats and drugs he's my precious boy <3
hoshi- but daddy i love him
the way i’d actually scream this song for him
also the vibes are so hoshi like im 90% sure he’d vibe with this song so hard
especially when she says "im having his baby no im not" he's ijboling right then and there
idk man it’s just so hoshi and i would definitely fight my dad for him
wonwoo- loml
he is actually so loml coded
like soft, played in a piano kind vibes
especially nana tour wonu
just very soft
he’s the love of my life and loss of my life as well because there’s actually no man that’s ever gonna be like him, ruined men for me
woozi- down bad
are we like actually surprised tho? that's my fav song and he is my fav boy
this man is literally so down bad coded
i’ve been singing and thinking of him like fuck it if I can’t have him, but i will definitely die not like tis gonna make a difference
IM LIKE SO IN LOVE WITH HIM OH MY GOD
also crying at the gym = lee jihoon (in reference to that one t-shirt he wore during caratland 2023)
minghao- so long, london
not the lyrical but mostly the vibes
this song is kinda calming to me in a way and it feels so hao like
also it reminds me hai cheng in a way maybe because of all the ship metaphors
i also feel like he’s appreciated the sadness in this song
he has that certain same whimsy as this song
mingyu- guilty as sin?
GUILTY AS SIN IS HIS SONG OKAY?!?!?
I WILL CHOOSE HIM AND ME RELIGIOUSLY ANYDAY
physically feeling sick how that bridge is literally so mingyu coded like holy fuck like gonna crucify me anyways? the way you hold me is actually what's holy??? its literally him
truly the best way to die is loving him
okay i’ll stop here before I die, he is just so <3
dokyeom- who’s afraid of little old me?
simply because he is such a nice person and such a lovely soul i worry people might take him for granted
the industry does not give him enough credit for him vocals like they should be scared of him he can eat up any vocalist in seconds
like they should be afraid of him that he's so goofy and silly
also the musical vibes here truly a kyeomie song
seungkwan- the alchemy
ALL THOSE SPORTS REFERENCE ARE FOR HIM!!!
my babiest boy ever
“where’s the trophy? he just comes running over to me” I CANNOT PUT ENOUGH EMPHASIS HOW SEUNGKWAN THIS IS
my heart will truly always be reserved for him
also he did make the strongest comeback fr
vernon- florida!!!
honestly, vernon’s favourite song here would be florida like fr
it’s just so vernon
he’d like eat up the featured and the beat right when she screams florida!!!!
13/10 would plan a trip to florida and brag how he's been to two places wtny and florida
the vibes are just so vernon fr idk what else to say
dino- clara bow
future of kpop, need I say more?
he’s like all the past legends but more better?
kinda like how she talks about it in the song, with the next being slightly better than the previous and yk what they've been through and stuff
and how dino is also called the future of kpop because he's so amazing
“the future’s bright, dazzling” so real like that’s literally about the future of kpop
anyways that's my take <33 I might do a part 2 with the second drop songs (no promises!!)
you can also find this thread on my twt here.
#seventeen#seventeen imagines#wintersrants#ttpd#taylor swift#svt as songs#svt#svt scoups#svt jeonghan#svt Joshua#svt jun#svt hoshi#svt wonwoo#svt woozi#svt minghao#svt the 8#svt mingyu#svt dk#svt dokyeom#svt seungkwan#svt vernon#svt dino#svt imagines#seventeen fluff#kpop#scoups#jeonghan#joshua#jun#hoshi
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I want to talk about the criticism of Hazbin Hotel and why I sort of understand it but personally don't agree.
The main complaint I see is that it feels rushed. Personally, I don't mind the pacing, especially considering they only have 8 episodes for season 1 and from a story-telling standpoint, you want to establish all the "plot promises" (basically the many plot-lines and their premises) right away and given that they only have 8 episodes to do it I would argue they've done a fine enough job with pacing. We don't know the limitations they were given.
Aside from that, I've heard people saying that it's as if "You asked a Mormon/ Devout Christian to write an R-rated story" as if that's a bad thing or a joke to poke fun at Hazbin and I take a tad bit of issue with that.
Because I would argue, yes, and that it makes sense. First of all, who would you expect to have enough of a religious background to write all of this? Who would have the rage except for those of us who have suffered in the name of holiness?
I think it's written to make you think, "Wow, this religious stuff is totally absurd bullshit." Because it is. We would know, the ex-Mormon's and abused ex-Christians. It's stupid to think that vulgar language or sexual jokes make something "bad" or "good". We fucking LIVED through that shit, man. It's supposed to piss off the type of people we escaped from. Because their religious beliefs are utter bullshit and when they're presented with a valid argument they basically do exactly what Adam does: "Uh, fuck you."
I think the choices are intentional. It's supposed to be vulgar because it proves that good and bad aren't determined by those sorts of things. Because that vulgarity doesn't make the show "bad" or "edgy". It's just a part of the show. And the characters are so much more than "good" or "bad" too.
This show really has a place in my heart because I lived through a religious nightmare. I asked the same questions Charlie does. I cried and I prayed and I begged God to fix me. But the truth was, I never needed to be fixed. And if God exists, he's the biggest hypocritical asshole of them all. This show screams the pain of the religiously abused, and I live for it. If religion is real, then we're all victims of a shitty system. And a couple of curse words don't make a rat's ass worth of difference.
The show is trying to show you what it's like to be born into a life you didn't chose, forced to follow these shitty rules. It's written, if you will, "like a religious person was asked to write something R-rated" because that's the story its trying to tell.
It's fine if you don't like it, if this isn't your thing. But don't make fun of the people that love it by implying that its stupid and "made for prudes trying to be edgy" because then you're implying that we're all stupid for enjoying it. I love this show because it shows the story of the lives of us who suffered in the name of religion. You don't have to love it. But don't shit on me for holding it close and enjoying every part.
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Tidbit Tuesday
Tagged by the amazing @daffi-990 go check out her snippet its so damn cute!
This is a continuation of the snippet I posted on Sunday, I hope you guys enjoy it and hopefully the motivation to write will keep coming🤞
Embarrassment, that’s what he had to be feeling, he wouldn’t be caught dead wearing clothes like that, especially out in public.
“Yeah?”
He tries again, “Buck…”
“That’s my name don’t wear it out,” Buck jokes
“What are you wearing?”
“Oh, this?” He looks down as if he doesn’t know what he left the house wearing and picks at the hem of the crop top, “I found it in some clothes Bobby was donating, can you believe he actually used to wear this in the 80s?” The information conjured an image that Eddie didn’t want but it cleared his mind enough to ask another question.
“Why are you wearing it at the station?”
A pink flush floods across Buck’s checks, “It’s uh laundry day but then Bobby called saying he was making his famous casserole and I didn’t want to miss out.”
Right, Buck was here looking like that for food, not to give Eddie an aneurysm. His face must betray him because Buck crosses his arms defensively; which does not help the situation, in fact, it makes his arms look so damn big that Eddie just wants to… bite them. Holy shit.
“You got a problem with me wearing this?” Buck asks, scowling in a way that makes him look like Chris when Eddie tells him no more games for the night.
“N-no” Eddie manages to get out, it’s shocking that he can even form words, in the space of a few minutes his whole world has been turned upside down and Buck is still standing there looking like that. He’s attracted to men, well he’s attracted to his best friend, which isn’t ideal in the best of circumstances but it's especially bad when he’s standing there in the sluttiest outfit Eddie’s ever seen him in.
Buck takes a few steps closer, “That doesn’t sound convincing, come on, spit it out, you obviously have something to say.”
“I-I-yes-no”
“Right,” His lips pinching in a telling way and Eddie knows he’s fucked up, “It’s a good thing that I’m a grown man and I don’t need your permission or approval to wear whatever I want,” He says as he starts walking towards the stairs to the loft. Eddie’s arm shoots out and stops him with a hand on his bicep. He has to make a conscious effort to not squeeze it.
“Buck,” He takes a breath, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…I don’t, I mean, I like it?” The sentence goes up at the end like it’s a question, it makes him cringe because that hadn’t been what he was trying to say.
Buck raises an eyebrow, “Are you asking me or telling me?”
“Telling, I like it,” He clears his throat, “It suits you.” Crap. Fuck. That sounded so lame.
Tagging: @wikiangela @wildlife4life @eddiebabygirldiaz @disasterbuckdiaz @spotsandsocks @try-set-me-on-fire @jesuisici33 @bekkachaos @buddierights @forthewolves @911-on-abc @hippolotamus @shitouttabuck @911onabc @exhuastedpigeon @eddiediaztho @your-catfish-friend @loserdiaz @ladydorian05 @watchyourbuck @king-buckley @chaoticgremlinwholikescheese @fortheloveofbuddie @steadfastsaturnsrings @mangacat201 @theotherbuckley @hoodie-buck @eowon @rainbow-nerdss @nmcggg @pirrusstuff @evanbegins @giddyupbuck
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Is it a safe space ship? Can I admit that I was completely uninterested when Izzy sang La Vie en Rose? It feels like a widly unpopular opinion on fandom spaces but I can't lie, I really don't care for it. Nothing against Con, he has a lovely voice, I just cringe so hard when people sing in non-musical shows. Add to that, that we had to hear him sing it not once but twice and that Izzy kind of stole Wee John's moment ... I literally have to mute the episode when I rewatch Ed and Stede's first time because it kind of kills me that it has an Izzy filter over it. I like a lot of things in that episode but I could've done with less Izzy.
this is always a safe space ship 🚀 have no fear
i'm exactly the same. con does have a lovely voice and i completely get why david and co wanted to let him use it and why they wanted to have a scene to show izzy allowing himself to be less repressed. but ep6 did feel like the most izzy-centric episode of the whole season and that wouldn't be so bad on its own but it felt like he took so much time away from the rest of the crew
and it felt so unearned. i can't criticise the pacing of s2 now i know there was a 40% budget cut bc holy fucking christ. but it just leaves a really bad taste in my mouth that izzy got to do the exact things that ed was doing when izzy threatened him and forced him back into the blackbeard persona. and it kills me that him doing that is overlaid over ed and stede, especially since he's then the one who interrupts them in the morning in ep7 (which again could've been literally anyone else in the crew and it would've felt better)
and don't even get me Started on the amount of nonsense steddyhands takes that came out after that scene about how izzy was technically part of their first time or how the song was so tragic bc izzy is singing a love song while the man he 'loves' is with someone else 🤮
like every time the camera cut to izzy singing i was like 'wtf no my blorbo has my other blorbo pinned up against the wall rn please cut back to that'
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ok so I've had this in my memory for ages and i can so imagine Sweetheart having this as a tattoo on her back, like the angel wings tattoos that are the complete length of your back so and the crescent on her neck like oml like its barely visible from under her shirts and it just makes her neck look that much more delectable plus the contrast from the womb tattoo to the angel like wings is a sight to see, makes the boys go feral (especially soap once he sees it, he didn't notice before cuz he was too short lol)
IM GOING FERALLLLL
THIS IS AMAZING FOR SWEETS HOLY COW
The original idea was that she was going to have two pieces, high and low tattoos, the low one was something like this:
But then I scrapped that, and she was just gonna have a regular back tattoo (like a big one or one in the middle of her back), and it was gonna be something like this:
B U T that changed and the new idea was that the back tattoo was traveling on her body, like coming to her collarbone and neck, and coming down her arms (which is talked about in the 18+ Gaz ask), something like this:
BUT GOOODDDDDD YOURS IS SO SICK GREMLIN
Like I can see her getting it because a friend told her that it'll look so cool, not telling her what it means. (As you said, it looks like angel wings) and then that friend dies, not telling her the meaning. (Her friend told her to get it because Sweetheart is like an angel)
Sfw
(Just kinda sensual teehee)
Cw.: biblical talk (angels), so much praise, overstimulation (sweets cries), bit of angst and feels, (idk if this counts as angst? I'm still learning what's angst and what's not😭) soap is so down bad he's speaking in Scottish Gaelic-- it's translated by Google so I'm sorry beforehand! He talks so damn much, I went overboard 💀 the translation is at the end!
So skip ahead to the now, she's taking care of some wounds she got from a mission, with her shirt off and hair down, wrapping her ankle with concentrated eyes. She doesn't hear Soap knock on her door, and she doesn't hear his little gasp. She also doesn't hear him walk slowly towards her, but she does feel thick, warm fingers move some of her hair and trail down her back. She jolts, turning around abruptly. Her tense shoulders relax, seeing it's only her best friend.
She needs to be more vigilant.
"Jeez, Soap," She chuckles, "You scared me."
His eyes are wide, skin flushed with pink and breaths uneven.
"Tha mi duilich..." he mutters breathlessly. Sweetheart cocks an eyebrow. "Whatcha say?" Soap sucks in a breath and closes his eyes tightly. It's like he's telling himself something.
"Sorry, I'm - I said I'm sorry." Sweetheart nods, "Oh, that's cool! Is that like- Gaelic or somethin'?" Soap nods as if he's in a trance, eyes still focused on her back. Her glowing, hunched over back with the mark of an angel. It has to be. Different scars align on her skin, some in different lengths, some overlapping others, and many that are jagged.
But the beauty of the tattoo is still relevant.
Sweetheart calls out his name softly to get his attention but fails. His mind is hazy, and too many thoughts going through him. The waves of heat pulse on his skin and insides as he gets closer to her back.
Sweetheart doesn't feel comfortable, but she doesn't feel uncomfortable at the same time. She sees him get on his knees and reaches out for her, but freezes. He turns his head and shuts his eyes again, having mental turmoil with his actions. He stares into her eyes, asking her if he can touch it. Feel it.
Admire it.
Her eyes flutter, looking back at him one last time, she shifts her hair to one side, combing the curls with her hand, showing more of the tattoo that goes up to the nape of her neck and around her shoulders. Her actions speak a million words to him.
You can touch it. But please, be gentle.
She hears him whine- whine-- and his palms are clamping on her back immediately.
"Tha e cho breagha. Fuck, bidh thu mar bhàs dhomh, leanabh." His hand slides around to her tummy, tracing the heart to her womb tattoo since he remembers where it's located, engraved- burned-- into his memory. "Ach bheir thu air ais beò mi le seo," His voice is but a whisper over her back, the woman confused if he's talking to her or the tattoo. She feels plush lips where the blade is located. Oh god--
He's kissing it.
Sweetheart shivers, a whiny moan bubbling in her throat, but she covers her mouth with her shaky hand. She hears him mumble Gaelic again, but it doesn't feel like he's talking bad about it. It feels good, warm. Like he's praising it.
Worshipping it.
His other hand feels her skin all over her side, up her back till he reaches her shoulder. "Bha fios agam gu robh thu a 'falach rudeigin fo na turtlenecks sin, brèagha. Bha an corp seo an-còmhnaidh a’ falach rudeigin. Air do ghualainn," His fingers trail on the lines of the angel-like wings, "Air do ghualainn," They snake upwards and around, the pads feeling the bumps of scars and the outline of ink. "Suas do mhuineal."
Sweetheart whimpers, shivering under his touch. Her shoulders cave in, and she bends more forward. She feels his lips trail up her heated skin, wet with love and praise from the scotsman. She knew he loved her tattoos that she showed him, but she never thought he would do something like this.
Did he really like them that much? Did he really like her that much?
Soaps breath shudders on the halo, feeling her goosebumps form and hairs sticking up, hands raking up and down the spiked angel wings.
"Tha mi a’ guidhe nach do dh’fhalaich thu uam, a ghràidh. Tha gaol agam oirbh uile, agus chan atharraich sin gu bràth."
"I'm- I'm sorry...?" Why is she apologizing? She felt like she needed to apologize for something she did but didn't understand what he said. She was going to speak again, but the gentle lull of his shushing in her ear stopped her.
"Òr 's a tha mise air do chràdh agus an dubh a tha air do chorp naomh. Tha am peant dubh maireannach a th’ agad a’ toirt ort coimhead ethereal. Fuck, chan eil fhios agam carson a tha thu a’ còmhdach seo. Bidh thu a’ faighinn cho togarrach rium a h-uile uair a thig thu faisg orm, agus a bhith faicinn an ealain a th’ agad air do bhodhaig na urram ann fhèin. Tha do bhòidhchead tarraingeach, aingil. Chan eil fios agad dè an ìre de chumhachd a tha agad thairis air na fir a tha a 'coiseachd air an talamh seo."
If he keeps going, she's gonna pass out at this rate.
His growly, Scottish drawl always made Sweetheart heat up and melt. But this - this carnal, whispering preaching onto her skin - it's too much, overflowing her cup to the point that it spills all over the floor.
"Mar a chuirinn seachad mo làithean uile ag innse dhut mar a tha thu mar thiodhlac bho na nèamhan. Cha bhithinn leisg a dhol air mo ghlùinean agus mo dhìlseachd gu lèir a thoirt dhut a h-uile latha." He mumbles, lips talking against her skin like he's muttering scriptures to the ink.
With his blue eyes half-lidded, his hands slide down her shoulder blades and back up, his touch so gentle like feathers and silk, down to the small of her back, where the blade ends.
"Tha mi a’ guidhe nach do dh’fhalaich thu uam, a ghràidh. Tha gaol agam oirbh uile, agus chan atharraich sin gu bràth."
"Johnny..." Sweetheart calls out, mysterious want laced in her voice. She doesn't know why he acts like her tattoos are sacred. She doesn't know why she feels tears forming. Her eyes flutter back when his thumbs massage her hips.
He hums, "An ann air sgàth sin a fhuair thu seo? A chionn gu bheil thu bho na nèamhan? Tha e ciallach nam biodh tu. Archangel, a 'stiùireadh shaighdearan gu cogadh le do bhall-airm, ceannardas, agus làmh an uachdair."
Her breath hitches. Archangel?
Why did he say that?
He thinks she's an angel? One of the heavenly hosts, a dispenser of justice and bringer of hope.
Oh my God.
If he thinks that she's like an archangel, then that's the best compliment she has ever gotten.
She feels tears coming down her cheeks, the heavy feeling in her head and warmth coursing through her veins. She remembers when her old high school friend from home told her to get this piece as a tattoo since she had trouble figuring out what to get. She was so excited, kept asking her every day what it meant or what significance it had with Sweetheart, but all she kept saying was, "You'll figure it out."
Sweetheart asked sporadically when her friend was in the hospital. Her answer was always the same.
Sweetheart stopped asking completely when her friend was buried next to her family. She didn't give an answer anymore.
She covers her mouth again to stop a choked sob, tears streaming down her face.
Her friend knew.
"Fiù 's nuair a tha thu air do dhòrtadh ann am fuil an nàmhaid, tha thu fhathast a' seasamh àrd ann an neart, misneachail, nad ghlòir gu lèir. A ’coimhead thairis air a h-uile duine, a’ cuideachadh neach sam bith ann an fheum leis a ’ghàire radanta sin."
Soap knows.
"Ged nach fhaicear do sgiathan, bidh iad fhathast a 'deàrrsadh fon t-solas a tha a' gluasad bho do shàil. An dòchas agus an gaol a bheir thu do dhaoine ... bheir e orm tuiteam air do shon eadhon nas motha a h-uile uair."
And now Sweetheart knows.
He kisses her shoulders, neck, and spine- all the way down to the tip of the blade. He could kiss this skin forever, hearing her soft moans and whimpers. Soap hears her little hiccups and moves to face her. He tenderly cups her jaw and slowly lifts, seeing her big, glistening eyes look up at him. Her damp cheeks, creased eyebrows, and wobbling bottom lip melts his heart. He looks at her with such fondness and love in his eyes, Sweetheart is sure that she will pass away. He brushes her hair out of her face as if she's made out of the finest china.
"Oh, mo ghràidh, mo leannan."
He cranes his neck down, soft swollen lips meeting her forehead. Sweetheart's eyes close, clumped with tears, leaning into his kiss and clutching his hand.
"Mo aingeal dìon."
꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱
Translation:
It's so beautiful. Fuck, you'll be the death of me, baby. But you'll bring me back to life with this. I knew you were hiding something under those turtlenecks, beautiful. This body was always hiding something. On your shoulders... Up your neck. I wish you didn't hide from me, my love. I love you all, and that will never change.
You have nothing to apologize for, my darling, my heart. Words can not describe how much I ache for you and the ink that's on your holy body. The black permanent paint you have makes you look ethereal. Fuck, I don't know why you cover this. You get me so excited every time you come near me, and to see the art you have on your body is an honor in itself. Your beauty is alluring, angelic. You don't know how much power you hold over the men that walk this earth.
How I would spend all my days telling you how you're a gift from the heavens. I would not hesitate to get on my knees and give my devotion to you every day.
Hmm, is that why you got this? Because you're from the heavens? It makes sense if you were. An archangel, guiding soldiers into war with your weapon, leadership, and dominant hand.
Even when drenched in the enemy's blood, you still stand tall in strength, confident, in all your pretty glory. Watching over everyone, helping anyone in need with that radiant smile.
Even though your wings are not seen, they still shine under the light that radiates from your halo. The hope and love you give people... it makes me fall for you even more every time.
My dear, my sweetheart.
My guardian angel.
Bonus.!
Bruh, I totally blocked out the others HAHA
They haven't seen it yet, but Soap boasts about it 24/7. He described it the best he can without giving anything away. But he talks consistently that he saw it and he touched it and-- other stuff.
He doesn't tell his team that he practically went to church on her back tattoo, but he sees how jealous they got so that's good enough for him. Thank God Krueger doesn't know.
#this was so fun#I MISS WRITING WAAHHH#soap x reader#soap modern warfare#soap x fem reader#mw2 soap#johnny soap mactavish#john mactavish x you#soap mactavish#cod oc#cod x y/n#black fem reader#cod imagine#modern warfare imagine#black!reader#fem!reader#steve rogers x black female reader#x female reader#cod x female reader#mw2 x reader#141 sweetheart#hunter's ask lounge ☕️
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Okay finished relistening to episode 1 (will listen to episode 2 and maybe more tomorrow but its like 10 pm and i have school tomorrow) of bitb and heres just like small collection of things that stuck to my mind!
Rolan does in fact canonically have a car i forgot about that so sorry rolan in my fic you got to live but lost your ability to drive such is life
Kian’s first act being just drinking something…. Like he wakes up and immediately gets alcohol… grizzly honestly just does such an incredibly amazing job making kian seem so like depressing but hiding it so well behind making everything seem like just some funny rockstar stuff its amazing
Also! The super tired ‘hey’ before he remembers and switches to ‘i mean whats up dude’??? Like could that have been a genuine mistake by grizz, sure, but i highly fucking doubt that. Like grizzly is so incredible at voice acting i refuse to believe that wasnt intentional
Rand. Just. How fucking mad he is at rolan. Its just painful. And how clearly done with it rolan is like you know this is an argument theyve had like hundreds of times before
So so so many details about kian that are so fucking fun to think about, specifically when he describes the look officer dudes gave him? Like (cant remember the exact quote but you get it) ‘ive seen some bad people in hollywood, people who just smile at you a certain way and you know you wouldnt want to meet them at night because they want to kill you’???? I am using that against him so hard holy shit
They just. Know nothing about how time works. They keep saying that its been a decade (it hasnt its been 15 years) and barc is supposedly old enough to have met them but no he is absolutely not and also charlie described barc as a golden retriever but then who the fuck is the black dog in rands official art just. Wow theyre so inconsistent about everything.
Theres definitely a few details about kian that i had forgotten about (like him just saying he has plenty more cars at home and whatever) but the pros of that is. I dont even need to decide to just ignore canon because i can just fucking believe that hes lying! Like its kian we cant trust his word on anything and thats great for me because i dont need to worry about messing up the canon!
Trying to just keep track of their stats and such but its. Its so hard. Because most of the time they just say ‘thats a success/hard success/failure/etc’ and not even what they actually rolled and then when they say what they rolled they still usually dont say what the number they had to beat was so just like.
Kian has 30 strength and 75 in guitar and 11 hp and that is all i can actually remember
Rand has 45 strength and 30 sanity (for like the first half hour) and ive already forgotten everything else
And rolan. Im going to be real i remember nothing already. I think he has 8 speed? But that was in the solo ep so i cant be sure. Also either him or rand had 14 hp i have already forgotten which one
Rat’s death is so hard to think about but its also very hard for me because im just thinking of kian going through the same fucking thing. Like hes aware of it and hes in pain and he just hears a buzzing and. Augh. (And kian probably died alone. God knows becky wasnt comforting him through that)
…..kian going fucking four times over the speed limit getting to galloway but then specifically not speeding with the others until theyre trying to leave after seeing rats whole thing? You cannot convince me that thats not like him being passively suicidal and just not caring about his own safety unless other peoples lives depend on it as well
Also, quick pat on the back for myself, i feel like i did very well with especially rand and rolan’s dynamic. Like just the intense care and love they have for each other but its been overshadowed by years spent apart and basically the second theyre left alone they immediately get into an argument and instantly start going right for all the things that hurt the most? Jesus they need therapy
Also kian (yes of course im focusing on him again thats my guy) just cares for them so much?? Like him immediately going after rolan and trying to help him without even knowing whats going on, also as fucking stupid as it is grizzlys plan being literally ‘im going to flirt with donna so john walks in on us and chases me with a shotgun to give a distraction for rand’ its like. So ridiculous. Yet somehow also very caring that this idiot is really willing to risk getting shot at to help rand out a bit
#jrwi show#jrwi#just roll with it#jrwi bitb#jrwi blood in the bayou#blood in the bayou#jrwi spoilers#jrwi bitb spoilers#bitb spoilers#blood in the bayou spoilers
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I've recently been tagged in a few WIP/"last thing you've written" type games, and…to be completely candid, I haven't been writing any kind of fic lately because I've become a little bit obsessed with analyzing the Broadway revival of Merrily We Roll Along.
Not for any particular purpose, I just saw it at the Hudson a little while back and have a lot of feelings about it! In my tiny scraps of spare time, I've been working on an essay about Merrily and inevitability that will probably end up rotting in my google docs*, because that's how I approach writing as a hobby.
There's just so much there, holy shit. I'm focusing particularly on "Franklin Shepard, Inc." because Radcliffe's Charley brings a frenetic, desperate vulnerability to the performance that reads so, so differently from earlier productions. Throughout the show, I was consistently blown away by the heavy lifting Radcliffe, Mendez, and Groff do in shifting the core tension from "art vs commerce" (fine but basic, and difficult to keep modern) to "how people prioritize different types of relationships in their lives."
In an effort to make this slightly less wildly off-topic for this blog: this has gotten me thinking about the way that platonic relationships are treated in narratives, particularly but not exclusively in fandom.
"Found family" is and has always been a popular trope, but I do think its current incarnation trades a lot on the underlying fantasy of relationship permanence. When we recategorize friendships as familial relationships, we're making a claim—whether or not it's justified—about the indelibility of those relationships.
That's not inherently bad (or, god forbid, problematic). I think it's very very natural, especially for those who don't necessarily have a lot of experience with the way adult friendships change over time. Why wouldn't you want something as precious and unique and amazing as a good friendship to stay with you forever?
Certain people can feel like pillars of your world, and it's fucking terrifying to think about that being yanked out from under you—or even worse, to think about your lives slowly shifting like geologic plates until suddenly you realize it's been weeks, then months, then years since you last really talked.
CHARLEY: We're not that kind of close any more, the way we used to be. And a friendship's like a garden. You have to water it and tend it and care about it.
And you know what? I want it back.
It's a peculiar, particular kind of grief when it happens, because even though it's a fairly common human experience, it doesn't get socially acknowledged in the same way as e.g. a romantic breakup.
So yeah, it makes a lot of sense that found family is a popular trope in all kinds of media, not just fandom.
However...at this point, I've developed a knee-jerk wariness to the phrase "found family," because I've found it often correlates with a really flat, simplistic depiction of human relationships. In extreme cases, it simply recontextualizes a relationship within the socially acknowledged/acceptable framework of a stereotypical family unit.
This does a disservice to familial and nonfamilial relationships alike. Every family is different, so why do so many found families in media look the same?
(I was monologuing about this to my very patient girlfriend, and she pointed out that this also sets up a success/failure binary condition in relationships, where permanence is the arbiter of success in both romantic and nonromantic contexts. She is of course both beautiful and correct!)
I have friends with whom I can sometimes share a glance and know exactly what they're thinking. I even have a running joke with one friend about the sheer number of times we've said the same thing in unison over the last 15 years. I still need to be intentional about building those relationships, extending empathy when we differ, and carving out time to reconnect. Truly intimate long-term relationships of any kind involve disagreements, conflicting priorities, and negotiating and renegotiating boundaries.
Being "basically the same person" or "sharing a braincell" actually sounds super fucking lonely to me, personally, and it handily elides the difficult, essential process of keeping people in your life.
FRANK: Old friends let you go your own way.
CHARLEY: Help you find your own way.
MARY: Let you off when you're wrong.
F: If you're wrong.
C: When you're wrong.
M: Right or wrong, the point is, old friends shouldn't care if you're wrong.
F: Should, but not for too long.
C: What's too long?
That's a more complicated and much more mature narrative to tell than "friendship will save the day!" Because it's not that common and there's not a deep bank of references to draw from, it takes a lot of effort and skill to depict well, and I don't blame creators for not wanting to let it suck up all the air in the room. However, I think it's important to acknowledge that platonic relationships can also be flanderised and flattened.
In the context of fandom, which has always traded heavily in Romance genre conventions, I would really like to see more thoughtful explorations of complicated nonromantic relationships. I'm not even talking about genfic here! I've actually been thinking about Stobin specifically because that relationship (rightly & understandably) tends to show up in any Steve-centric fic, including the vast ocean of Steddie fics, so it makes the issue slightly more visible than I've seen in other fandoms.
I'm not saying I want to see them fight, or not be friends, or not love each other fiercely and near-obsessively in the way that lonely teenagers can. I'm just saying I want them to be distinct individuals who view the world in very different ways, and choose each other anyway. They already have a complicated past; I know from personal experience that it's possible as a lesbian to be best friends with a guy who once made a little speech about how into you he was, but that little layer of history never quite goes away.
I don't want frictionless relationships in my life. I want people who will challenge me and whom I can challenge, in the context of love and trust. I want people in my life whom I have to work to understand, because my life is richer when I do. And sometimes, I want narratives that will reflect the grief of friendships that are no longer part of my life, despite the best efforts of everyone involved.
In Merrily, Charley sings, "Friendship's something you don't really lose—" but Radcliffe's thready, pleading delivery makes it all too clear: Charley already knows he's lying. The audience just needs to catch up.
*Other essays in that particular graveyard: understanding the cast of Peanuts through the lens of anomie, humor and subversive linguistic nationalism in 00s Singaporean TV, how to fix Miss Saigon. WHY am I this way.
#side note: how fucking good was Radcliffe in that role? what a glow-up from HTSIBWRT#all the casting was brilliant but (Tony winner!) Mendez and (Tony nominated) Groff were less of a dark horse#anyway I think...I might start to get a little less rigid about letting myself dump nonfandom or fandom-adjacent posts here#we'll see if I have more time to post and/or write once this busy period at work dies down#recently is a relative term btw. I have been tagged more recently than the cambrian explosion. so that counts.#I appreciate the tags and it's very nice of y'all to think of me though!
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tgm fic recs
@stcverogers tagged one of my fics in a rec list yesterday and i thought it was such a good idea, i wanted to share some of my own favs
in no particular order:
* * *
hangman
one time thing // kiss the sun (fight the fire) // love that’s a real long shot
He nods again like that’s exactly what he expected you to say. “I think you’re wrong. Doesn’t matter now though, does it?”
i would rec anything by @callsignvalley but this is probably the series that got me most. i also love tailspin and its rooster follow up steady
california coast in your green eyes // i’ll carry my bags just until i can hold you again (2 different series)
Bob’s older sister gets the news that his plane went down during a training drill, and shows up at the hospital at the same time as an arrogant pilot. // Six months after they break up, Jake shows up at Julie’s Family thanksgiving. A second chance holiday romance with fake dating, family drama, and fall festivities.
@theharddeck these fics, esp carry my bags, feel so so real and human to me, i love julie and the characterisation of jake feels so on point
i also love her series out of the clear, blue sky as well as kinda might, sorta like, love you a little bit + its follow ups
i’ve been holdin’ out so long (4 part series)
You can’t stand Hangman, but your dreams lately say otherwise. He notices.
@steadfastconviction i adore Bluegrass and her sass
do not engage (series)
You hate Hangman. Really, you do... Or so you like to think, until it begins to seem like that distaste might not be as strong as you’d prefer to believe.
@clints-lucky-arrow the entire f&f universe is great but Duchess especially is a badass
afterburn (series)
It had been clear from the moment you got inside a cockpit that you were going to be something special. You certainly weren’t the youngest Naval Aviator to be invited to TOPGUN, but you had been the youngest to graduate at number one in more than thirty years. Which is all the more reason why it was so tragic that you would never, ever, be able to fly again.
@top-hhun is a master of setting a scene
the off-season (series)
It was supposed to just be one summer. But somehow you found yourself living in your grandparent’s Maine vacation house indefinitely. It was quiet when the summer tourists left, but tolerable. That was, until your brother’s friend from college needed a place to crash and he somehow wound up staying in your guest bedroom. Also indefinitely.
@ereardon just started this series but i’m so into this world (au) already
fuck (the universe) (series)
You’re a Kazansky–Tom “Iceman” Kazinsky’s youngest daughter–and you’ve taken after your father and become a Naval aviator. You finished at the top of your class at Top Gun and have worked diligently and fruitlessly to get to where you are now: North Island. You don the call-sign Wisteria not only because the beauty of the flower but because of its lethal qualities.
i mention @roosterbruiser below bc i read landslide first but holy fuck indeed
* * *
rooster
landslide (series)
It’s been almost three years since the accident that took half of her, and Faye “Clover” Ledger seems fine, really. She loves her old house, she has a perpetually expanding vinyl collection, she’s got a job she likes on base, and she is only a short drive from the beach. She’s grounded--literally.
@roosterbruiser landslide is one of those fics i have to read in little bits because it’s just too good. beautiful writing that just transports me (and i love faye, she may be the most developed fanfic oc i’ve ever read - and I love her taste in music)
baby let’s play house // pt 2
you got yourself in trouble. bradley has a bit of a savior complex. together, you come up with what could potentially be the worst idea in the longstanding and illustrious history of bad ideas.
@seasonsbloom i just really love this fic, it shows all the quietest best parts of bradley
first impressions
at the induction day for the newest recruits of the Golden Warriors of VFA 87, rooster assumes you’re a civilian, instead of, you know, a member of his team? you see how far you can push it before he figures it out.
@ohcaptains‘s pilot in this fic is the badass bitch i wish i could be. as well as fucking funny.
like i can (series)
After yet another bad date and tired of swiping on apps, the Dagger Squad steps in to help you out by setting you up on a series of blind dates. Much to Rooster’s dismay.
@sometimesanalice perfect blend of cute, funny and heartmelting
* * *
bob
he’s so pretty (when he goes down on me) // pt 2
things between you and Bob are strictly business: he’s your backseater, and that’s all there is.
@seasonsbloom‘s writing is so good it made me want to try writing fic myself
* * *
hangman x rooster
we’re fools to make war
In a Walmart at three am, between beef jerky and tortilla chips, with the lights flickering above them like it’s the fucking twilight zone, Bradley wants him more than he’s ever wanted anyone.
or: it's a hundred degrees in texas.
i can’t find a tumblr link for this but the writer is @baroness-elsa. this is 66k words and i read it in two days which probably says enough. holy shit.
* * *
there are many many more (this fandom is FULL of talented writers, damn) but this already took me an hour so that’ll be part 2 haha
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if someone (me) wants to write (or roleplay) a character with Antisocial Personality Disorder, how do you think they should do it?
What are questions that can be asked about the character in order to develop or flesh them out more (like, "how does your character act in blah blah situation")? And do you have any books/excerpts/short stories that have a character with ASPD that you can recommend?
Your blog and many others' blog really helped me in understanding how ASPD works, which ends up in me being able to develop this character more. However, I'm still not sure how to actually really write in this character's perspective, mainly because I still want to understand the littler details. I really just don't want to accidentally write something that ends up not being true lol
IG if it helps, my character w/ ASPD is very apathetic and he believes that showing emotions is weakness, so he always has a poker face.
Holy fuck I completely forgot I had this blog LMAOO My bad. Anyways.
First off, as a writer, I always try to avoid giving my characters any labels of a disorder especially a personality disorder, cuz it feels cheap. Its easy to just throw a label on them and call it a day, but its harder to write them in a way where they would be diagnosed with ASPD yknow?
Like for example, you can say a character has anxiety, and boom, theres a new trait. But are you able to show this in your character without using the word "anxiety"? With ASPD, or any personality disorder, you need to be able to show this characters habits and mindsets and behaviours without having to use the label "ASPD".
I think the best representation of a character with ASPD I have seen in Dr. House from House MD. I was absolutely amazed by how much I could relate and how accurate it was to how I experience, and have seen others act, with ASPD. And the best part is that they don't even say he has ASPD until way later in the show, but that doesn't change a single thing about how he has acted up until that point.
The main thing about cluster B personality disorders is that there is a maladaptive and dysfunctional way of thinking and acting ingrained into this person. And the way they view things and behave actively causes them issues in their relationships, social settings, work, etc. It differs wildly for everyone though, but the one thing that is pretty much the same for everyone with ASPD is that their core fear is being controlled, and they value self-preservation above everything else. It's them against the world, and they are constantly grasping for power, control, and social dominance in order to protect themselves.
So some questions you can ask about your character is:
1. How do they experience empathy and remorse? ASPD is known to be a disregard for others and rules that actively causes issues in their life. In what ways do they disregard others feelings/rights, and do they feel bad about this? If they do feel remorse, what overrides this to make them keep acting in anti-social ways?
2. ASPD is a disorder. It causes a lot of issues in a persons life, especially with the law, authority, and hurting peoples feelings. In what ways does your character suffer from their behaviour and ways they think/view the world?
3. How do they view the world? What do they value the most? What are they willing to do to protect themselves, and how do they respond to perceived threats? ASPD is known for reactive aggression, where they will respond with hostility at a perceived threat (even if there wasn't actually one, they often take ambiguous remarks as hostility)
4. ASPD symptoms must have also been present in childhood (symptoms of conduct disorder shown before the age of 15). What was your character like as a kid? What caused them to act out? Who were the primary influences in their development, and how did that influence who they are today/how they think?
Remember that people with ASPD are often rude, harsh, callous, insensitive, and lack a proper moral code. They may act hostile towards anything that feels like control, especially being told what to do, or having rules to follow, including social norms like morality, political correctness, manners, and empathy. They often look out for themselves before they even think about looking out for others, and they are willing to do anything and put anyone down or manipulate a situation to protect themselves.
People with ASPD are often good at making excuses for themselves and avoid punishment for their actions, or completely disregard consequences and repeat their mistakes over and over again. This is partially due to a mindset of "you can't tell me what to do/you can't control me/fuck you". There is a lot of defiance.
And of course please remember that ASPD is a spectrum, and there are mild to extreme cases, and it presents differently in everyone. The main thing is that it causes distress and dysfunction in the persons relationships and life because of their disregard for rules and others. And that they fear being controlled, and value self-preservation.
And while people with ASPD are usually insensitive assholes (love ya), we also are people. We are human beings, not problems. We are human beings, not pricks. So make sure to write your character with hobbies and interests and redeemable traits and with positive qualities as well. Dont have their entire character written revolving around the idea of ASPD. People are complex, and there is much more to someone than their disordered behaviour/mindsets.
Also what you said about your character being very apathetic, you could tie that in to a lack of care/disregard for others which Im sure you were already planning on doing. But also remember that ASPD isn't just a quiet, apathetic, emotionless robot disorder. In reality, ASPD is pretty loud. Its angry, and destructive, and aggressive. Cluster B PDs are classified as emotionally unstable and erratic, and ASPD is no different. So make sure you remember that while he may not care about others, apathy/lacking empathy isn't a criteria for ASPD (though its heavily correlated). Check out the DSM-5 criteria and make sure your character qualifies. Also, you don't get diagnosed with ASPD just cuz you think antisocial thoughts. You get diagnosed cuz of the way you behave and interact with others/the world, and the problems that causes you. Most people with ASPD will be diagnosed through the legal system. So make sure you show the antisocial tendencies of your character, as I mentioned before with separating them from the label.
I hope this helped a bit, mb for the late ass response LMAO Good luck
#aspd#cluster b#psychology#actually aspd#antisocial personality disorder#aspd things#cluster b pds#personality disorder#aspd awareness#aspd positivity
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