#but god i dont know i cant handle her being happy and getting everything ive always hoped for
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vent //
i genuinely like actually hate myself right now!! i do everything wrong and i mess up people's lives. like for instance i dont get what people mean when they subtly tell me to do something and i like making people mad and driving them away from me and blaming it on them!!! sometimes it just makes me worry because one day ill mess up my whole life with that sht. i cant do anything without messing it all up. life is getting and hard and im barely able to do anything now. my chest gets heavy at times and i just cant breathe and like a wave of depression comes over me and then im smelling smoke and it just it really scared me like im crazy or something. i dont want to be crazy anymore. i want to be normal. i feel like im just alive so i can hog attention for fucks sake. so many people hate me and i act like theyre not even there. it hurts when i want them to know me too. because like i admire them so much and i cant help but want to talk to thembut everybody and their mom knows damn fucking well they want me dead. it really hurts though. because i just want to be okay to talk to them. its hard being like this. because i want to be able to make them so so happy but i cant do that without runing myself in the process and i promised i wouldnt do that for a simple person. but since them ive began cutting and smoking and just ruining my life for them. ive even pretended to delete twitter so that they could be okay, be happy without me. I would delete my life if they told me to. its not love nor is it lust, its just admiration, i need them to like me. i need her to percieve me. tlel me whats wrong with me, ill try my fucking hardest to fix it. i just miss being able to talk to her so normally. and now i find out she just doesnt fucing care. thats okay because i do and ill make sure she never has to care !!! she can stand there upset and ill remove my life for her. i just want to make sure i never upset her because thats not the point of mydumb life. i want her to be happy but im crying so hard i really dont want to leave her i want to know what shes doing at all tmes i need to knwo if shes okay i want to know if she still cares about me i dotn wanna do anything but care for her. but i know im just ruingin her life and making her upset but its just i need er in my life its hard without her i cant live like this. its hard leaving it alone because she just feels so close to me . shes so close but shes so fucking far i cant handle it. i have to have tabs on her but she hates me. she hates me so i try my god damn hardest not to be in her life. yeah, ill say hey a few times on other accoutns, but i will genuinely die if i cant tell her something at least once every few months.
#bpd tag#bpd things#bpd life#bpd fp#bpd favorite person#favorite person#actually borderline#bpd vent#actually bpd#phantosmia
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everyone says im fucking annoying. maybe i am.
3/14/23
i tried being nice and being considerate. i dont want much i just wan someone to care and acknowledge me. im tired of being the stupid one, the one who has to consider ive tried so god damn hard to make it easy for you people but every thinf i do seems to annoy you i feel like every time i try to talk to you you start getting annoyed and maybe youre right and im spoiled and im a brat i wont do that anymore, i’ll try my god damn hardest to not leave a trace in this house . since being in your presence seems too much for you i try not asking for anything anymore. i’ll stop complaining i’ll keep everything to myself. you want that right? i wont be a bother anymore. iltt stop trying to care for you or beg for your praise and affection. i can look for it by myself. why is making a suggestion about my birthday such a big deal for you i can do whatever i want on “MY” birthday why does me talking about it piss you off. fine i wont celebrate my goddamn rbirth and iwont celebrate it again. i wont care anymore about whattever. ill be out of your way. im sorry im even alive and pullking you dfown and im such a waste of space and im an obese trash elepphant ‘who cant stop eating and whos spoiled and a bitch with no manners and cant do anything right i cant do anything at all and i should never have fucking existed i keep wishing that i nevere existed. every second of every day i wish you to be happy and to just let me not exist anymore.
i cant keep wishing because nothing ever fucking happens i wish i just died when i could, every near death experience i hope it killed me and i hope i never s here. i hate being in a place where everyone and everything i do is considered wrong and im always wrong and always bad and always a bitch whos spoiled and a child. i want to die. and its not a joke anymore. i just want someone to love me and understand that i make shit thats not good and that i dont always say the right things and that im always trying my best to be considerate. but being considerate is not enough for everyone. im already ugly and im already fat and stupid if i just died everyone would forget about me in a week and in a yer everything will be better for everyone becuase i am just a dumb rock thats a burden to them and if i go then my sister will have her oen room and all my parents love and they can finally give her the care she deserves. if i go D could finally be happy with her new friends and let go of our group to be herself. F and H will be fine . E and H and A will be too. im not a big part of their lives, C and A will have forgotten me by now. and my parents have one less problem now, they can focus on my sister, and after she moves out theyll be free from the horrible kid they have. ill be free from putting myself esteem as high as how others apreciate me. because everything i am is what evereybody else thinks of me. and im nothing no one will remember me in a year . i die now. i wish i died now i wish i just fell asleep and died. im so sorry to the people whos lives i disturbed i hope you guys will ignore all my shit and all the crap i put you through it must have been so so annoying. i wish i died back then. and i wish i die here and maybe i can gain enough courage this year. who knows i sure hope i do. i dont think i can handle life. to the new friends i made im sorry you had to put up with me . im really sorry mom and dad im sorry your second kid is a piece of shit who cant do anything and always humiliates you and annoys you .. i wish i wasnt here too and i wish i was dead so long ago. i hope truly one day i can finally go through with something and maybe thats the only thing i can get right..
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its 4:30am which means its time to spill my guts on tumblr.com
i dont even know where to start with this.
yall know i cant stand my sister. all she ever does is make my life harder. throw her fucking dog into the mix - all she does is cause problems.
she was in the hospital for a few weeks because, sorry, shes crazy. im terrified of her dog (who in his own right, only fucking causes problems wherever he goes and i wish he'd get run over. sorry) and because this fucking mutt is more important then i am, he gets free reign of the house and i have to stay locked up. and then i get to come out for a little bit. and then the dog cries. and 20 minutes later i have to go away again because he wont fucking shut up and gives my parents a headache. when my sister was away we gave him to my gramma because she already has dogs shes equipped to handle him. and i was so happy.
i was supposed to go on a camping trip this week. someone ive never been. and i was so excited. hardly anything makes me happy but i fucking love camping and i was so ready to explore and forget all my problems for a few days and FUCKING THEN
my sister and her dog do nothing but cause issues wherever they go. my camping trip was supposed to be me, my mother, and my grandmother. but my grandmother has the freak and cant leave him anywhere. so she cant come. and if she cant come we cant go at all. i could go on my own with my uncle if i wanted, but my uncle thinks im spoiled and he would only pay attention to his girlfriend and her kids who i dont know at all.
instead of going, my ma is going out to bring the fucking freak back. im going to be trapped here. again.
no one is listening to anything i say. i feel like i havent had anything go my way in years. i was fine until my sister arrived and now all she does is get in our way. i dont want to kill people anymore 90% of my anger would go away if i could put a bullet inbetween that dogs eyes. i hate him. and then i could see everything drain from my sisters eyes and i know she wouldnt like me anymore - thank fucking god - and then i'd put a shot through my own head because sister asides im so overwhelmed from the other half of my life
managment makes my job miserable and all my friends are leaving*** and im doing the thing i promised to speak about in 3 years which is all kinds of fucked up AND ive had everyone getting on my dick about school. i dont want to go to school. college. i dont want to go to school. i dont want a career. i thought i'd be dead by now and i wouldnt have to worry about this. i just want to be dead. i just. want. to be. dead. i just want to be dead. it would hurt so much less.
***all my friends are leaving and before too long i am going to be alone again. i hate being alone. its easy but it hurts so bad. it hurts more then anything in the world. im not ready. for the first time in my life i feel like i have real friends even if my grasp is on them is flimsy at best. i try so hard to be liked. i see some of them messing around and it threatens to tear my chest in half. i want what they have. i want to be liked. i want to be liked so bad i think i ruined someones pseudo marriage
the camping trip i was supposed to go on? my boss never even approved my time off
i was so excited for this trip.....ive been waiting since march........
i dont care about my sister i dont love her and i wish everyone would stop trying to force me to get involved in her problems. if she wants to ruin her life its not my fuckin issue. im not visiting her. im not changing her contact name (parasite). im not even going to THINK about offering her my shoulder. i dont care if shes family shes not i pretended she didnt exist for 3 years i'll do it again. hey thats a good idea actually. "you have to care shes family" SAYS FUCKING WHO. NONE OF YOU CARE ABOUT ME.
im overwhelmed. im so, so angry. ive been angry for years. i dont know what else is left of me. its been growing since i was, 16 for sure. possibly earlier. im almost 19. it just changes shape, red hot and creeping under my skin. im so, so angry. i dont think i'll ever be free. i feel grief so sharply and that i have to grieve at all only makes me rage more.
i want to go on my fucking camping trip.
i wish i was dead. i wish i was dead. i wish i was dead.
it would hurt so much less if i was dead.
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trying to put my thoughts on the new special into one place!
starting off with the stan marsh tragedy montage is so tragic holy shit
and the fact that he keeps reliving in in his nightmares is so sad
having to handle his alexa too and like wanting to pander to her requests like the shopping cart and such - theres like a commentary there or something but maybe im reading too much into it
its also just funny to see kyle so bewildered at that lmaooo
and stan turning around to sneer at kyle when he tries to cut in?? lmaoo
this scene between yentl and cartman hurts more knowing cartman’s end - him saying to yentl that she is her whole world and all
and then!! they met butters- victor who changed his name to seperate himself from butters and even pretending not to know anyone from his past before his parents grounded him for like 16 years, which is like his entire teenage years even?? god i cant even imagine, BUT the only other thing keeping my sympathies is how he’s an NFT bro?? DUDE. the whole people-who-are-into-nfts-are-incels commentary?? love it lmao i kind of like how its not too evil or unhinged but its also not much of a happy ending - and kind of makes sense he’s a hardcore sellout considering his pimp lifestyle before
i think from here on i started to get confused by whats happening - from randy growing his weed so fast, to cartman recruiting clyde by pandering to his non-science stance, butters escaping to destroy a motel, hell- butters weiner helicoptering pee all over when cartman starts to yell at him (he still says loo loo loo GJKDFG) - i feel like butters wrecking so much chaos (hehe) in such a short time is so funny lmaoo
i was so goddang excited when cartman and butters duo happened but it makes me more sad when cartman expressed it was for his family again :((
next is stan bringing kyle to the bar to drink, finding out butters and cartman is sabotaging stan and kyle, being attacked by their alexas, stan again helping kyle to talk with his alexa, them them coming back to see the gang being caught up in the nft thing - and having a stendy moment??? i wonder where darwin even went he just disappeared without a word, which sucks bc i kinda liked the guy even though he’s had like 3 lines tops
anyways skipping ahead- the cartman and kyle fight was beautiful, outstanding, showstopping, what ive been waiting for this whole 2 specials, its funny still how kyle thinks its still a ruse when we find out that its really not, and yentl and the family are the ones who convince cartman to have faith that their lives will end up together in any pathway, not stan or kyle, which is MORE sad holy shit
adult clyde walking through the town like a badass fucking cracks me up, and the way he just busts through the door?? and kid clyde not questioning it??? so fucking funny
AHH and the moment i’ve been waiting for - stan saying that he regrets this day for the rest of his life and kyle saying you lose everything if you lose this friendship?? i love the style moment - and having to say that cartman has a family and you dont bc nothing would make kyle more pissed than cartman being happier than him LMAO
anyways after that this whole thing going back to heather from the start?? it feels like they couldve put the whole heather thing at the first special and then tie it up it this one tbh? and lowkey feels like a copout or feels a bit shallow? that all it takes for them to forgive each other is another outing -
as much as how cute i find it i wish it had gone a bit deeper but at the same time its south park. also theyre like 10, so this would kinda makes sense that itd be all good after like one amazing night together
stans note to randy was super sweet and cute, giving him the new special weed which then cures everyone which again,, kinda like a copout as usual it goes back to tegridy fixing everything and making it feel like trey and matt’s tegridy weed ad
and finally the end - oh. i feel like its so rushed, and so sad that cartman’s ending didnt pan out the way he had planned, stans an astropilot kind of thing, kyle has a family that cartman had, stan and wendy is hinted to get back together - and everyone else is weirdly the same too. it kind of paints stan and kyle as these selfish assholes who didnt care about cartman’s family, but at the same time they didnt remember how it was supposed to be considering that the past had changed. stan said that he doesnt remember why he misses sharon and shelly so much
im not the biggest fan of cartman obviously, i cheered whenever he had karma served to him in past episodes whenever he was a dick, got beaten up or his plans didnt go through, but in this one he was fighting so hard for his family and reformed life that its hard to feel happy when he ended up homeless in the end while everyone else got a happy ending - which compared to how their “bad ends” were, were not that bad. stan and kyle at least had a home and business and it wasnt like they couldnt get a partner like that?? well except for maybe butters, who ends up as a waiter instead of being an nft bro in a mental asylum...
anyways i kind of liked the previous special more than this bc of the surprise elements and the excitement of wanting to see the adult selves but i felt like i really wanted the latter part where they time travelled to be longer, bc it was the hype of the whole special? but it ended up happening in like the last 13 minutes of the special which is a huge bummer but i cant wait to see the next season, and how its gonna play out. im so tired of this whole covid thing (and the whole tegridy thing) so im looking forward to just. new stuff.
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recounting the entire avengers: endgame movie, which i only saw once when it came out, from memory
because i just took the SAT and i want to do anything except think about that so get ready for a fun ride full of holes and my reenactments of scenes and quotes that i remember from however many years it’s been now since endgame came out. buckle the fuckle up
movie opens, clint’s whole ass family fucking dies. cue killing spree fueled by grief and anger. HashTag Relatable
tony is floating through space with nebula and teaching her how to play paper football
holy shit is this how tony dies
“pep” ouc h
oh hey he’s home, dope
The Gang (tm) learns where thanos’s farm is somehow i can’t really remember
“perhaps i judged you too harshly”
“???? thor????” “what? i went for the head”
“five” five what?? days?? weeks??? months???? oh boy i can’t wait to find ou- “years later” HUH???????
steve looks the exact same, so i guess he kept up that workout schedule even through the snap. i mean good for him honestly
and is also running a talk therapy group like sam did
a single smidgen of gay representation but it’s a good start ig
i don’t really remember what everyone else was doing, i just know that tony and pep have morgan now but idk if that gets revealed now or later
the only reason we had a movie is because of a rat. everyone say thank you to Rat for releasing scott lang, please. round of applause
scott’s daughter is all grown up and catch me sobbing over the fact that he wasn’t there to see it
somewhere in here nat is crying and eating a sandwich and honestly girl same
“hey!!! it’s me!!!! scott lang!!! ant man???? also what the hell happened???? lemme IN”
cue scott lang having a single brain cell and bringing up time travel. i think it was him that proposed the idea. maybe not. but imma give him credit
oh yeah bruce and hulk are besties now and bruce is just permanently Like That
and cue everyone being shook at the idea of time travel
time to go see Science Man at his house on the lake
“i wish you had come for anything else.” ouch
gang leaves dejectedly
peter. that’s it. and suddenly tony is all hands on deck
cue science mumbo jumbo in the middle of the night while he eats something out of a bag that i can’t remember
“shit!!” “sHiT!!!” “NO”
“i love you 3000″
Science Man reveals that he has, indeed cracked the code to literal time travel
cue nat, the only person with an umbrella, going to find clint who is busy with murder, as he does
“don’t do that. don’t give me home” stfu budapest man and get in the car.
thor has. enlargened. and is now playing fortnight with korg as a means to cope with what happened plus losing loki, as i think we all would
The Gang is back together and working (surprisingly) coordinately and throwing ideas around and it’s actually very cute. and it makes my heart very happy. and i want to cry every time i think about it because we all know what comes next
scott’s taco gets blown away. bruce gives him another. all is well in the world
and in this exhibit we see the only brain cell in the whole group, which is being used by rhodey at all times
“why don’t we just,,,, (choking motion)” “to a BABY???”
during the time tests someone gets reverted to a baby but i don’t remember who and it’s highkey disturbing
“i consider this an absolute win!!”
cue slo mo walk with the cool white time suits that everyone looks so good in
“see you in a minute” that smile. she looks so happy. sobbing
i think it’s in here that all the color go through steve’s eyes, so let’s just take a minute to acknowledge how pretty he is
“just for the record, that suit did nothing for your ass.” “i don’t remember asking you to look”
“that’s america’s ass.” yes it is scott you’re absolutely right
“i cOuLd dO tHiS aLL dAy” “yeah i knoOoOW”
time for tony to give tony a heart attack and then just stare in what i can only assume is amusement. i’m pretty sure that comes after america’s ass but maybe not
somewhere in here steve is just staring at peggy through blinds and it’s sad when you see it but when you think about it afterwards, it’s so funny for no reason
time to get whacked by a very angry hulk who was not allowed to use the elevator
“NO STAIRS”
tony goes flying. so does the tesseract. loki, in handcuffs, is like “oh bet this is mine now” and. Leaves.
i’m pretty sure it’s bruce who goes and gets schooled by The Ancient One on the multiverse, and i say it’s bruce because i think he’s the only one out of The Gang who could ever actually wrap his head around it
i don’t remember exactly how they get the tesseract but they do
thor and rocket are in asgard and thor has a panic attack, as I think we all would if we had to talk to our dead mother and pretend like we don't know what's going to happen
and remember kids, slapping someone is not the way to handle a panic attack. anyways
a mother always knows
"i'm still worthy!!!!" you always were, thor. you never stopped being worthy
and we have our hammer back
cue sobbing on vormir
“clint. it’s ok. it’s ok.” that smile.
nat’s fucking dead and i’m fucking dead inside let’s keep this party goin
other stones are recovered and i don’t really remember how but hey we got all six
“where’s nat?” cue more sobbing from me and from clint as you can see each and every team member’s heart drop to the fucking floor. especially steve
yeah maybe we’re doing this for half the universe and all the people we lost, but mostly for nat now
tony’s makeshift infinity gauntlet has entered the chat
Green Man is the only one who can physically take the power of the stones, so the fate of literally everything they have ever done up to this point is on him
snap rest in peace bruce’s arm
cue every single person in the theater holding their breath
“guys. it worked.”
cue explosion as their facility gets bombed and i am terrified that it has killed the entire gang
but it obviously has not and i am once again a Class A Idiot
i can't remember if it’s steve or tony who wakes up first but one shakes the other awake and is like “get the fuck up bitch idk what just happened but we got a problem”
everyone is mostly fine. but they’re all alive and that’s what matters
and now we have the setting for the entire rest of the movie basically
oh hey thanos. that’s uh. that’s a big army you got there
i don’t really remember everything that happened with The Past thanos, gamora, and nebula but i remember that gamora once again sees what a twat her adoptive father is and is like “oh hell na”
cue the gang fighting for their lives against Past thanos. literally
oh shit thor’s about to be killed????
OH MY GOD HE HAS THE HAMMER
cue the theater screaming as they should
hell yeah. bonk that giant space grape with the god of thunder’s hammer. you go steve. and look like a badass doing it as you should
shit’s still fucked and they eventually get their asses handed to them one by one
somewhere in here the shield breaks just like we saw in age of ultron. and like damn bro i liked that thing
steve stands up by himself because bitch. you cant kill him unless he says so. he dies on his own terms. he didn’t live for over a fucking century to die like this
our mans is standing up against a whole ass army knowing full well that he can’t win but damn if he aint ready to try
“ok listen strange. you have to open the portal to his left. his LEFT. you hear me???”
“steve. STEVE. on your left.”
cue the most goosebump-inducing scene that i have ever seen and probably will ever see. i would do anything to see that scene for the first time again. that feeling was like nothing i’ve ever experienced
the amazing symphonics are NOT helping my already-about-to-explode-from-excitement heart
now the gang’s ALL here. and we all cry because all of our peeps are back from the dead and we all missed them and highkey grieved for them after infinity war
i can’t remember if steve actually sees bucky yet but i think he does and i wanted to cry on the spot because not only did i miss bucky but man did i just want them to see each other again
cue sick pan of the whole ass marvel roster like smash ultimate, including howard duck somewhere in there
PETER OUR BOY SWINGIN ON IN
“AVENGERS. assemble.” “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”
but we all know damn well that not a single person could hear him whisper that shit. like steve bro speak up a little
and the battle for the ages commences
we get to see all our favorite boys are girls fuck shit up and it’s absolutely incredible. wow it really feels like someone’s missing who could that be.
this is now a very elaborate game of keepaway
“catch” “Catch” “CATCH “CATCH”
“hey queens” he remembered. catch me cryin
“hey peter. got somethin for me?” god i love her. flew through a whole ass spaceship. no stoppin her
t'challa remembers clint's name. he did care
oh yeah scott is fucking humongous again, but third time’s the charm ig. maybe he won't pass the fuck out this time
somewhere in here, strange starts holding like. an entire ocean back and i dont really remember where it came from
we get a whole segment of marvel women kicking ass and taking names and i think i just need to take a minute. WE collectively need to take a minute
carol flies straight through a spaceship and everyone is like ???? hello????? where have you been?????????
carol gets literally headbutted by thanos and doesnt move a fucking inch. and that look of murder in her eyes. she could tell me to walk into a pit of lava and i would not question it. the power
“launch the missiles!!!” “but sir, our army-” “DO IT”
damn thanos our expectations for you were low but holy fuck
somewhere in here i think petter quill sees Past gamora and is like gamora???? and she like kicks him in the balls or somethin and is like “this is the ones i picked?????”
the fight continues and honestly a lot of it’s a blur but damn was it not the coolest thing i’ve ever seen.
cue strange knowing exactly how this was gonna go down, and holding up a single finger
i dont think ive ever seen that look on tony's face before
oh shit thanos has the gauntlet and all the stones. fuck.
wait holdup that gauntlet looks a little funky
WAIT HOLDUP
“i am inevitable”
“and i. am iron man.”
the theater, once again holds its breath
all is lowkey calm and everyone is shook
thanos’s entire army slowly fades away. including one of those big worm things that almost eats (i think it was) rocket but like. dusts right as it hits the ground and is a really cool shot
and thanos sits down on a rock. and finally is gone. and it's so cathartic
oh joyous day!! they’ve won!! they’ve done it!!! wait holdup where’s tony. i remember what happened to bruce where the fuck is tony
wait
wait hold on
wait hold on a minute
“we did it. we won, mr stark. we won. please, mr stark”
“pep.”
“it’s ok. you can rest. you can rest.”
i have officially passed away and am a sobbing mess. you can’t do this to me. he’s gonna come back. there’s no way. tony stark doesn’t die. no.
this is a fucking funeral. i am going to combust into tears
“proof that tony stark has a heart”
i just wanted him to be able to see morgan grow up.
but him and nat are eating shawarma together in the sky now.
“i’m recording this in case something goes wrong, which it won’t.”
“i love you 3000.”
oh we’re still rolling. oh we don’t even get a minute to process
steve is leaving??? wait holdup we cant lose both. no
“are you sure about this?” “i have to”
“i’m with you til the end of the line” so that was a fucking lie
but steve deserves to do what makes him happy. so i can’t be too mad. actually, nah i aint even mad i’m just sad
bucky looks so dejected. so sad. someone please give him a hug. he desperately needs it
oh hey steve. but you’re old now. hey then, grandpa. how did you. get there
buck and sam go talk to him as they should
“you wanna talk about her?” “no, i don’t think i will”
“how does it feel?” “like it belongs to someone else”
sam has officially inhered the shield, and by extension, his very own bucky barnes. it’s a packaged deal
clint’s got his family back. and they can finally finish their picnic or whatever they were doing at the beginning of the movies
and steve finally got that dance. finally. and he looks so happy. so content.
and that’s about all i remember
i have not watched endgame since i saw it in theaters when it came out because i absolutely do not have the emotional stability to do it again. but damn the disney plus shows have been bangin
i hope you enjoyed the ride, thank you for joining me in my. whatever the fuck this is
#marvel#avengers#mcu#mcu quotes#endgame#avengers endgame#steve rogers#tony stark#thor#natasha romanov#natasha romanoff#clint barton#bruce banner#sam wilson#bucky barns#this took me a whole ass hour#an hour well spent#i know i missed things#but it was like 3 years ago ok#marvel's avengers
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Happier (2) | T.H.
Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader
Summary: Kate and Harrison question Y/N on why she really left Tom. Natalie and Harrison become Tom’s shoulder to cry on. Another message?
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8
A/N: By popular demand, Ive decided to continue Happier! Thank you for the support !
Traumatic
The only word that can describe Y/N and Tom’s experience after being apart for a whole week. The feeling where you wake up from an awful nightmare praying to never experience it again. The only difference, this was no nightmare. It was very much real.
Happiness and love were now just meaningless words for them. Days and nights can pass, but the emptiness in their hearts stayed. While Y/N had her fair share of reasons for being apart, Tom still couldnt understand. She had to have known that no matter what, Tom would always pick her. With the slightest ounce of hope, he’d text Y/N at least once a day to make sure she was okay. But each unanswered text brought a wave of disappointment.
“Hey mate...Cmon I know you’re waiting for her, but now’s not the time.” Harrison explained, his heart breaking for his best friend. “You need to give her the space she needs.”
“I just cant believe she really left me.” Tom muttered. His head hung low, hair an unruly mess, and his facial hair sprouting, but his eyes remained the same. Brown, puffy and welled up with tears. “All because of these stupid fucking rumors!” He yelled out in frustration throwing his phone at the closet. Tom sulked into the closet to grab his phone, right next to it was a small box that contained a promise he was going to make to her, had everything not gone all to shit.
“Shit...” Harrison muttered. “You were going to propose to her.” He knew Tom was bound to pop the question to Y/N, but he never thought he’d see the day that she would fall out and leave his best friend. Yet, it all seemed off. In the time he knew Y/N, she was never the one to give up, especially when it came to Tom.
“Yeah...I was going to ask on our anniversary next month. I love her...more than anything.” Tom confessed, staring at the diamond cut ring. “Before she left, she wished me happiness. Saying I’d be happier with Natalie, but i just don’t believe that.”
Harrison was about to open his mouth, when Natalie popped in their doorway, giving a small sympathetic smile. “Hey...I heard you two in the hallway. Is everything alright?” She asked.
“Mmm..Nat. I don’t think now’s the —”
“No it’s okay. She can come in.” Tom interrupted Harrison as he gestured Natalie to sit with them.
“Look. I know you’re upset by the whole thing, but you shouldn’t have to be.” She explained, her hand rubbing Tom’s for comfort. “She left you. For what? Because she couldn’t ignore a few comments about us...When there wasnt an us to begin with? She just didn’t care about you as much as you thought she did.”
“Yeah, but Natalie this is Y/N and Tom. The bond between them was supposed to be unbreakable. They’re practically soulmates.” Harrison argued. “It doesn’t mean that Y/N didnt care for him.”
“Look Im just saying if she really loved Tom with all her heart she wouldnt have left him because of me.” Natalie spoke out, flipping her dirty blonde hair to the side. She grabbed Tom’s hand again, and gently stroked soft circles. For Tom it felt good, but it wasn’t Y/N’s touch. Y/N would have traced squiggly lines on the top of his hand because it was less boring.
Harrison scoffed at her gesture. Sure he had known Natalie to be a flirt at times but never picked her to be the friend that got too friendly with another after a messy breakup. “I’ll be back. Have to make a call.” He muttered as he walked away from the most cringey and awkward situation a person has ever been in.
As Harrison made his call, Natalie scooted closer to Tom, leaning on his shoulder as she wrapped her arms around him. “Tom...I know it hurts, but you have to believe she wasn’t right for you. There are so many girls out there that could treat you better.”
“What like you?” Tom rolled his eyes as he put the ring away.
“If you wanted me, yes I could. I’d handle your career and your personality better than anyone else. I dont want to seem forward but I always imagined you’d end up with me. Its silly but I wanted that with you, the whole romantic movie experience.” She explained, endlessy spilling out her idealistic fantasy with him.
Tom was shocked by what he heard. To him Natalie was just a friend he had known most of his life. Maybe there was one time he did have a slight crush on her but that was just it. It was an attraction and nothing more. He thought for a great deal, wondering if this was where it all went wrong. Maybe he should have listened to Y/N more. “Tom did you hear what I said?” Natalie spoke up again, this time threading her fingers on the nape of his neck.
Tom shrugged her off, as he shook his head. He couldnt do this right now, he needed to be alone. “Look lets deal with this another time. I just...I really need to run right now...alone.” Tom excused himself as he grabbed his airpods and quickly left the room. Truthfully he always hated running, but desperate times call for desperate measures.
Meanwhile back in the States, Y/N still felt the affects of her heartbreak. She trudged through the New York apartment like a zombie with no purpose, waiting for someone to finish her off already. It wasn’t like she wanted to break it off, but it was the only logical solution at the time. The only problem, it built off a lifetime of regrets.
Kate watched Y/N from afar, the message she read still clouding her mind. Her best friend was terrible at keeping secrets, let alone she was always the first person Y/N would go to if she ever had one. She observed her very closely, waiting for Y/N to come to her.
Kate felt the usual vibrations of someone calling her phone. Again another unknown number? It was almost similar to the one Y/N had recieved. Maybe it was a robo-call or a psychotic fan, which if it was she’d have to talk with Tom about. A mental note she promised she would get too.
“Listen I dont know who you are, but if its the same person that sent my best friend a threatening message that she’s better off breaking up with her boyfriend...I swear to God I’ll fucking punch you in the face.” Kate threatened, her eyes glaring and fist balling up on the counter.
“Whoa...chill out. It’s me, Harrison. Im a friend of Tom’s.”
Kate looked up with surprise with a helpful pinch of embarassment and relief. “Oh. Hey, what’s up?”
“Nothing. I just wanted to know how Y/N’s holding up. I know she broke up with Tom, but something’s just not right about this. Has she told you anything?” Harrison confessed.
Kate shook her head as she continued to watch Y/N lie on the couch mindlessy scrolling through an already watched list on Netflix. “No. It’s like her soul left her body. I can barely get through to her.”
“Blimey, it’s the same with Tom. This is ridiculous, we should just get them together so they can talk about it.” Harrison groaned, thinking how stupid this all was. They could have saved each from the heartbreak and depression. “Are you sure there’s nothing she told you?”
Kate hesitated for a moment on whether she should answer. “Well... there may be one thing, but she didnt talk per say. It’s more of what I found.”
Harrison stood up, intrigued by her response. “Oh really what did you find?”.
Kate was about to answer until she hear a text go off on her phone.
Unknown:
I wouldnt say anything if I were you 😚
She squinted at the text when another popped up.
Unknown:
That is...if you want to keep your friendship with Y/N 🤫
“Uhh..it was nothing actually. Just found a wallpaper of her and Tom. She hasnt changed it since they broke up and she got a couple of messages......from Tom.” She lied haphazardly.
Harrison was confused and disappointed by her answers, knowing it led to nothing. While Kate was a great liar among all things, this wasn’t her best work. Of course it was all planned in hopes that Harrison, if he was really smart enough, could figure it out.
Harrison was not that smart, but he was a good lie detector, and that was all he needed to know something was definitely up and Natalie, although may be a good friend of his, became a prime suspect.
Taglist:
@hollanddolanfangirl @ifilosemyselfagain @hevjadams
#tom holland#tom holland x reader#tom holland imagine#peter parker imagine#peter parker#peter parker x reader
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LATE LIES
Part 2
Steve Rogers x reader
Summary:you have recently decoved that your finance captain america is cheating on you. But there again you could be wrong. But what will happen when your not wrong ?. And your not the only one who has cort on to steve shaddy activitys .
AN : my grammar and spelling isn't the best so bare that in mind .
@nomadevans82
Breakfast was quickly over. No word . No affection. Shown by the man who was ment to love you, the man you are ment to marry , the man you suspect is cheating on you. But maybe your wrong , maybe your brain is just over thinking. This is captain america we are speaking about, man who said your his world , his love , he wouldnt do anything to hurt you , especially in such a way . Would he ?
He wouldnt or so you thought/knew.
'God why cant I think straight ' you mind was racing around and around , question after question , excuse after excuse for him .
Maybe your just overreacting, I mean my spy training doesn't mean I have to be right every time . Nobody else has notice his behalf? Right .but you have and you know him better then anyone . Or so you should. But your not the only one whose notice a change . Nat did , she look like she was about to skin him alive with her butter knife at the breakfast.
You mind racing , your fist rapidly punching the bag , never stop . The training room had blurred form your vision along with everyone in it . You can feel you blood boiling , tight knots in your stomach as you think about steve with sharon . Your temper going just above busting point . You didnt notice you went breathing. You didnt notice your eyes glowing, you didnt notice the punching bag flying off , with a swerling yellow sting glow around it . You just stare at it , forgetting all the people . Nobody would notice anyway , it's not unusual for this to happen , but what is , is the power running through your veins . The very thing , nobody knows, the thing you hide , the thing you run away from , thing you dont want people to know about you , hell you dont even know what it is exactly. You spend all you time hiding it . The minority of the time you cant feel it running though , you normally have hold over it . But when your emotions get to extreme (more like things you dont experience often ) such as a need to cry, or your anger , anxiety. It slips out and your cant control it. And it doesn't help you are feeling all these right now.
You final brought back form your blurred vision with a hand on your shoulder. If it was anyone else you'd push them off , but not this person. Youd no them any way . Ever since it first comforted you when you just a child, in place no child should be , in a situation no child should be , expecting things no child should ever .
You slowing turn your face toward him . Bucky .or james as you knew him as a child . Hes your comfort , the closest thing you got to w father in the red room . This you keep a secret form everyone else , no one apart from nat knows that you were in the red room with her and as she was training and falling in love with james . He acted as a father to , never letting you get near the same amount punishment as the other girls. So when you found he was still alive , when you found he was becoming sane minded again you couldn't be happy. You weirdly felt safe the world again . After you were told just after he managed for you to escape that the red room had killed him .
You have alot of secrets such as people dont know about the fact that the red room trained you , Bucky trained you , or the fact that you two have a father and daughter relationship . Nobody knows not even Steve, to everyone else sheild trained you, you were a good field agent and was giving the opportunity to become an averager under the request of Nat .But at least two people know them nat and buck , they raised you basically, they know you , they know your history. But theres one secret that nat doesn't even know, only james . And that's about your mutation. James found out about it the same time you did .
You were 11 years old , training with james in a dark cold room . The constenced shouting in russian and girls crying was getting to your head missing punishing and kicks , you head was fuzzy, everything was become to quick , to fast . You couldn't handle it , although you go thought it every day . You final get a burst of energy and it shoots thought your veins and bones , the bright yellow light swerling around, pushing James into the wall . He knew what it was , he had heard of mutation before and what happens when the red room find a girl who has one , they either dont last very long or are put into different facilities. He protected you , help you hide it . Still does today .
So when you turned around , you saw the panic on his face, he knew what had happend , he was the only person in the room that saw as always. And he knew something was wrong because you knew let it get the better of . He automatically pulled you into a hug hiding your face from the rest of the world in his chest . It would be so easy to cry , so easy. If you wernt so anger you were shacking .
"Your okay " "your safe " "I got you " " you can calm down " he constantly whispers until you did as you were told and calmed down . You glance up till you met his glaze . His eyes was swerling with fear and empathy for you . "Now you gonna tell me what's got you all worked up ?"he asked pulling the hair out of your face . You just shake you head negatively, he nodded in return , knowing you was going to answer him anytime soon .
"I might have an idea " nats voice stalled you . 'Did she see ?' You become anxious again you dont want anyone to know about you mutions .
"You've go quite the rage and strength, and rightfully to " at this you know she must think you just punched the bag down .
"What do you mean ? What happend ? Do u know what's wrong? NAT tell me ! " buck quietly shouted concerned, pulling away form you , facing nat with his armes crossed .
"Calm down papa wolf , I dont think nows the time , let's calm her down and get a drink in her first , I know she needs it " she glanced at you sympathetically, she knows about sharon and Steve.
"What ! Nat Its 11am the mo...." bucky was cut off by the annocument above.
"Party tonight people. Main floor see you there tonight. Peace out , Iron man ! " Tony said though the speakers .
"Great !" You said walking out of the training room , towards your room , knowing you'll stay there u till the party.
◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇
Hours had passed and you haven't seen anyone all day , steve didnt come to check up on you like he normal did , you asked friday what he was doing every hour and your were denied access.
You and Nat hadn't spoke about what was playing on your mind , you just spent your day with a few early drinks and tv . It got to the time where it was time to get ready .you sat in that's room with a dress she picked out for you lying on her bed . You sat at the mirror finishing your simple make up nothing to extreme hust enough to add to your natural beauty.
You heard the bathroom door open , you turned to see that Nat was almost ready
"Come on kid , I know parties ain't really our thing but at least they'll be vodka "she joked .
"Thank god " you rolled your eyes and got up picking up your dress and heading towards the bathroom. You were just about to close the door when Nat sighed
"Y/n you .... I..... do you see what i see " she ask clearly neverous .
"About ?" You tried to act clueless but you knew what she was about to say
"About steve "
"..... " you stay silent for a while " can we not.. not right now .. we both could be wronge his the man I'm marrying, the man I love .... i dont want to think about it .... I... we might be wronge "
She scoffed at the thought but she nodded her head . And in you went into the bathroom to finish getting ready .
When you emerged out of the bathroom in your dark blue silk dress that hugged and was lose in all the right placed . With your hair curled and pinned half up and half down .
"Oh my .... you look gorgeous " Nat said with wide eyes . You felt it too as much as you ddint want to go to this party you felt great in this dress almost forgetting everything
"You look stunning as always " Nat just shrugged it off and grab your hand while heading our her door .
When you got into the hallway you and nat both stopped in your tracks.
"There you are ... iv been looking for you ... Tony and his parties eh " Steve laugh making you laugh too . This man put you into a trance everytime you saw him , he was in a dark blue shirt similar to your dress (not on purpose) . He looked as good as ever , you sighed with the biggest smile thinking this man is going to be your for ever soon . But then the voice started to creep back into your head ,instantly your small dropped to a frown
Steve took a step closer to you and kissed you on the check you let out a breath that you didnt know you was holding all day ,
'See everything normal we were just over reacting '
He smiled down at you "you look good " he said but he didnt even look at you the way be usual would , he didnt say what he usal would , it would be more then just good ...
"Good ? She looks stunning " Nat blurted out , you could tell she was staring at him like he was the target .
He just wrapped an arm losly around you , not tight like he normal would, he once said it was to keep you by his side and let everyone know your his . But not now . You felt so stuiped being in his arms .
"Let's go shall we "
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You had been at the party for not that long Steve was by your side laughing and joking with everyone around the group . Nat , Bucky and Tony all laughing and joking
Everyone would feel fine if it wasnt for Steve's eyes keep wondering off
You sighed , chucking down your drunk , thinking your the only one that noticed but you forget that you were next to the best assassins you have ever know .
"Hi everyone "
"Oh hi sharon " Tony said
Your eyes snapped to her stunned , everyone eyes fell on her as you all stood at the bar in a circle she had managed to get her way inbetween Tony and steve
" you look stunning " steve said looking her up and down with a smirk , your heart dropped
"You get good and she gets stunning!"
"Thank you " sharon whisper trying not to star at steve but failing as there both keep sharing glances at each other, as a blush creeped on her check .
The music was the only thing filling the silence for a while as Tony sipped on his drink clueless . With steve and Sharom basically eye fucking each other while unknowly to you two very very anger killing mansions were ready to be Roger's down . You just stood there tears threating to make an appearance.
"I'm... I'm just going to pop to the.. " you couldn't finish your sentence already making your way down the hall .
Nobody looked at you are asked if you were okay .
You made your way blindly down corridors in all different directions you didnt know where you ended up, all you knew was you were far way you didnt hear the music and you were safe alone . You let out a quiet sob that lead to a few tears escaping your tear duck as you fought them off . Ignoring the stinging feeling with the tight chest and pit in your stomach .
Some one pulled you into there arms you you could see was a few red strains of hair
"Sshhhhh "
"I dont know why I'm like this.... I might be wronge " you choked out
Nat just gave you a look like 'when are we ever wronge "
"Come lets go back " was all she said you nodded .
She rubbed your back as you made your way through the corridors . Before you turned a corner you heard a quiet bang followed by laughter and giggles . You and Nat quietly laught and slowly made your way to the corner.
You stopped dead in your tracks with nat behind you . You were barely visible as you were still hidden around the corner .you quickly took a step back , pushing Nat backwards , she looked confused but you both listen carefully.
All you could hear was short breaths with giggles and growls
"Stop that "you heard a high pitched giggle
"Hell no ! I wanted to get my hands on you all night "
"You would be able to if you didnt have her ..."
"Soon " The deep voice cut her off "soon I'll be all your okay "
Your heart drop you could help the tears roll down your cheek. As you saw and hear Steve with sharon , it hit you hard , it all become reality and you couldn't take it . Nat griped you tightly clearly trying to calm her anger .
There voice went away and nat looked around the corner
"There gone ..I'm going to kill him " she snapped
You sobs became louder and louder your whole body was shaking
"Why ? Why ? Why ? He said he loved me , said I was his world , I'm meant to be his wife soon why ? What did he mean by soon ? Was he going to leave you?
Your body was shaking as nat stepped back , unknowly to you everything around you was shaking to . You vision blur and lost all connection to world around you and your heart was literally tearing into piece making the unwanted power over come you .
"Uh no nooo no " was all you hear and Bucky ran his way towards you
"Calm down it okay " bucky slowly came near you as the shaking stopped. He quickly wrapped you in his arms
"Calm down !"
There was silence that felt like forever Nat with her anger towards Roger's and shocked by you . While Bucky was staying calm for you
"You going to tell me ? " he asked slowly.
You shook your head no
There both sighed
"Fine I will!" Nat snapped
"No .. no please dont" you begged.
"What ? What is it ? "Bucky asked getting impatient
"No .. don't say it...its not real until you say it " you hiccup on everyone word
"Please " you begged one last time
"Just tell me god damn it "
"Roger's is cheating with carter "nat barked over youf sobs
"What !"
#chris evans#chris evans x reader#steve rogers au#steve rodgers imagine#steve rodgers x reader#steve rogers#steve x reader
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Home - Part 1
Summary: Fresh out of a divorce, Y/N moves to Sun Valley for a fresh start, a house left to her by her aunt and a new job as a nanny.
James 'Bucky' Barnes owns a law firm and has been left with three kids after his wife died giving birth to their youngest.
Bucky is nervous about leaving the kids with a nanny but he cant keep finding babysitters and the kids need someone more permanent around.
The Barnes kids were great, we hit it off straight away and i settled into a new routine with the family. Brooklyn and Alice were at school for most of the day so it was just me and Rosie. While Rosie had her afternoon nap i'd do the house work and make sure everything was done so that James didn't have to worry about it when he got home. Once that was done it was usually time to pick the girls up from school, on the way home we'd stop off at the park for half hour before we headed home. When we got home id sort out their dinner and put something together for James for when he got home, when that finally happened id give him a quick run down of our day and head back to the farm house.
After spending all day with the girls, the farm house felt so big and empty with just me there.
It was a friday morning and i had just arrived at the Barnes residence ready for my day when James came strolling in carrying Rosie and greeting me with a smile.
"Morning Y/N"
"Good morning, where are the other little monsters?"
"They insisted on dressing themselves for school today"
"Oh god help us" i chuckled, this was gonna be funny. Brook would probably be okay but Allie? I could already picture her wearing bright colours and a tutu!
"Oh my.... dont you girls look beautiful" James said suddenly with wide eyes.
As i thought.... Brook was doing okay, she had on jeans and tshirt with her converse sneakers but Allie?..... she was wearing a stripy pink and purple sweater, pink tutu and red cowboy boots.
"Y/N!!" Allie said called happy when she saw me and run into my arms "i missed you!"
"I missed you! But i havent been gone that long" i chuckled "and what are you wearing today?"
"My favourite boots and my tutu! Daddy said i can wear what i want"
"Well you look so pretty!"
"I tried to tell her not to wear the tutu" Brook rolled her eyes as she took her seat at the table. Allie went and took her seat next to Brook and i held my hands out for Rosie "i'll sort miss Rosie out while you have your breakfast" i said to James, he smiled and handed her over.
"Thanks" he winked before sitting at the head of the table and pouring himself a cup of coffee while i set up Rosie in her high chair and gave her her breakfast.
"Y/N, i might be late tonight. Ive got a big case coming up and there's still so much to prep..... would you be okay staying?"
"Yeah sure, thats fine"
"Thank you! I dont know what id do without you"
"Its not a problem, i was only going to be at home watching TV anyway" i shrugged.
"How's things going with the house, you more settled?"
"Not really, I'm gonna be getting rid of some of my aunts furniture this weekend, I've ordered some stuff more to my liking. Im sure it'll be better once its more me....you know?"
"Yeah, it still feels like your aunts house having all her stuff there"
"Exactly, i feel like i shouldn't be there" i shrugged "doesn't help its so quiet, its been a long time since I've lived on my own and then after spending all day here with the girls...."
"I can imagine" he nodded taking a mouthful of his coffee "so who did you live with before coming here? Friends? boyfriend?...."
"Erm....husband actually" i told him shaking my head "but that is a story for another time, when there's no little ears around" i smiled and turned my attention back to Rosie.
After dropping the girls at school i headed to the store with Rosie to get a few bits, i thought it'd be kinda fun to have a girls movie night being as James was working late. I grabbed some popcorn and some chocolate and saw the cutest pyjamas! They were pink with unicorns on in both kids and adult sizes so i grabbed us all a pair (my treat).
After the store we went back to the house and had lunch, Rosie sat watching cartoons while i cleaned up the kitchen.
The afternoon flew by and i was soon stood out the front of the school waiting for the girls to come out. Brook was out first i gave her a hug before taking her school bag and hanging it from the handle of the push chair.
"How was you day Brook?" I was asking as i looked up only to see Allie running towards me. She crashed into my legs holding tight.
"Woah, Whats wrong Allie?" I bent down to her level so i could talk to her properly.
"Mrs Harper was mean to me about my tutu!"
"Who's Mrs Harper?"
"Her teacher" Brook replied for her sister who was still holding onto me.
"Well Mrs Harper obviously has no fashion sense sweetheart. You look so pretty!"
"Mrs Barnes??...." i heard a woman call out heading our way.
"Thats Mrs Harper!" Brook rolled her eyes at the woman.
"Mrs Barnes, can i have word?" The woman marched over "I'm Mrs Harper, i just wanted to talk to you about Alice's attire. Its not appropriate for school...."
"Im sorry, Mrs Harper was it?? Whats the big deal?? I'm not seeing the point of making a big deal out of this??"
"It makes the school look bad....."
"Shes 5! Who cares what shes wearing! If Allie wants to wear a tutu and cowboy boots then thats what she'll wear"
"Your okay with her wearing that?"
"Why wouldn't i be?? she's a kid, they like to dress up. Im sure by Monday she'll be back in jeans and t-shirt, but if she wants to wear a tutu and cowboy boots then thats what she'll wear! She's not hurting anyone"
"Maybe Mr Barnes would have different opinion...."
"Feel free to call him, I'm sure he'd love to hear your opinion"
"So thats all you've got to say on the matter??"
"No actually..... if i hear you've upset my kid again?.... you'll regret it" i said quietly to her so the girls couldn't hear.
"Come on girls lets go home".
When we got home the girls had an early dinner, while they were eating i thought id better call James and tell him about Mrs Harper just incase she did call him.
"Hey, everything okay?" He answered on the third ring.
"Hi, yeah everything's good. I just thought id tell you about what happened at the school this afternoon"
"Okayyyy...."
"I may have gone on the attack a little at Allie's teacher...."
"Mrs Harper huh?"
"Thats the one. Allie came running out upset saying Mrs Harper had been mean about what she was wearing, low and behold out came Mrs Harper asking to speak to me. Told me Allie's attire wasn't appropriate and made the school look bad!" I told him.
"What did you say that?" He asked sounding amused.
"I told her that no one cares what a 5 year old is wearing for school and that if Allie wants to continue wearing her tutu and cowboy boots then she will! Thats when she said that maybe you would have a different opinion on the matter.... i told her to feel free to call you, that you'd love to hear her opinion"
"Oh i want her to call me!" He scoffed "i'd give her my opinion alright"
"Well she might call you to complain about me more than anything.... she asked if thats all i had to say on the matter.... i told her if i hear shes upset my kid again that she'll regret it. Im sorry James but she was pissing me off! How dare she!"
I was expecting him to be mad at me for kinda threatening Allie's teacher but he started to laugh.
"You dont need to apologise, id of done the same"
"Even still i thought id give you a heads up incase she did call you"
"Thank you, how are the girls?"
"Their great, their just having dinner then we're gonna have a girls movie night"
"Sounds fun! I wish i could join you guys"
"No boys allowed sorry" i laughed "well i'll let you get back to it"
"Okay tell my girls i love them and i'll see them in the morning?"
"Of course, bye".
#sebastian stan#reader insert#steve rogers#bucky barnes#bucky x reader#buck barnes x reader#chris evans#home
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ASKS
hey babies! i’ve decided to answer the asks about back to life one and two like this because ive received so so so many and you guys blew me away so answering every single one of them is the least i can do to show you guys just how grateful i am. thank you so much for giving both parts SO much love, i love and appreciate you guys and the support you’re constantly sending my way with my whole entire heart <33
BYE THE FIC IS SO GOOD SO FAR. MY ANXIETY THO FROM THE ENDING, LIKE PLS KYO REALIZE THE MCS ANXIETY PLS DONT GO OUT WITH SORA PLEASE PLEASE HE SEEN HOW SHE DIDNT LOOK OKAY WHEN HE CAME IN PLEASE REALIZE HER ANXIETY PLEASE
– THANK YOU SO SO MUCH BABY !! this was the very first ask about back to life and it’s honestly the cutest thing ever! I hc Kyoutani to be rally understanding of things like anxiety and depression, generally mental health so that’s why it was easy for him to understand the reader’s situation and mindset!
BACK TO LIFE!!!!!!!! MY HEART!!!!!?! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SO GOOD!!!!! i was really excited when you started posting about it!! i can't wait for part 2, i wanna know how they fix this!
AAAH !! thank you so much for the love and support baby!!!! I really hope you enjoyed part 2 just as much, sending you lots of smooches MWAH
OH MY GOD THE KYO FIC IS AMAZING
THANK YOU SO MUCH BABY !!!!!
OH MY GOD YOUR KYOUTANI FIC HAS ME ACTUALLY FROTHING I LOVE IT SM
IM NOT KIDDING WHEN I SAY THAT MY JAW ACTUALLY DROPPED AT THE LAST COUPLE PARAGRAPHS AS WELL I CANT WAIT FOR PART 2
AAAH YOU GUYS !!! this made me so happy !!! thank you so much and I hope part two met your expectations and you enjoyed the ending MWAH!!
HOLY FUCK THAT KYOUTANI FIC WHEW IT WAS SO SO GOOD IM SO EXCITED FOR PART 2
thank you for the food <33
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE LOVE AND SUPPORT BABY !!!
YOUR KYOTANI FIC AHHHHHHH my heart can’t handle this
I AM SO GLAD YOU ENJOYED IT BABY !!!
OW THE END ON BACK TO LIFE HURTED THOUGH GDFGHJDFHJRY
Was overwhelmed by the hurty that I forgot to say how much I ADORE your characterization of Kyoutani. fdjkhgjkgdr
THANK YOU SO MUCH !! honestly- that means the world to me, probably the best compliment you can give me :((
Back to life was so good OMG 😳😳 HELLO??? You're amazing
Thank you so much, my love! it honestly is everything to me when you guys tell me such sweet things I love you so much MWAH!!
the new fic did not help me with my insecurities now i’m just frustrated and insecure. great writing tho.
honestly- same. when I wrote this, I lit indulgent every bit of my mind working into this fic and thats why it means so much to me ?? so youre not alone, my love; but thank you so much <33
The way I panicked at the end of the fic thinking there wasn’t gonna be more to it, holy shi that fox was so good I almost cried thinking they were just gonna end things like that 🥺🥺🥺🥺
I’d NEVER end a fic like that- I hate bad endings and cannot stand cliffhangers but the formatting didn't give me another choice im sorry for the heart attack baby kfhflashsj but am glad you liked it!
@au-roraaa said: ZADE I WAS NEVER A KYO FUCKER BUT I THINK YOUVE CONVERTED ME HOLY FUCKSJFJSJDJSN
THIS IS MY JOB AT THIS POINT I WANT YOU ALL TO TURN INTO KYOU FUCKERS KSSSOH
UR THE BEST WRITER WTF?? WHEN DO U THINK PART TWO WOULD BE UP... and does kyoutani flirt with sora 😣💔
YOU GUYS- NOOO- pls my heart made a loop :(( I love you so much :(( thank you baby and I think now you know what he does with sora MWAH
@kawakuto said: hi hi zade!🤩 (ajdjs idk if you remember me but i moved main blogs and I was @/gukooky before LOL) THE KYOUTANI FIC ANDJWNS I DIDNT EXPECT THE END WAHHHH🥺🥺 it was so well written omg I loved it!! (wtf kyoutani, you said we were going slow what if I wasn’t ready to call u my boyfriend wtffff😔😔 pain.)
AAAAH OFC I DO REMMEBER !! hope youre doing well baby !!! and thank you SO much for your sweet words, I honestly appreciate them so much :((<33
pls I’m in love with your writing. You write kyoutani so well so now I’ll always be grabbing at any crumbs you send my way 🥵
thank you so so so much baby!!!! these kinda words always hit me right at the heart, I appreciate them so much and I love you sm much
bb i love ur kyoutani fic sm :(( ur rlly so talented <33 i look forward to pt 2 ^3^
thank you so much baby, sending a smooch your way mwah
zade that kyoutani piece im in so much pain why would u do this to me 💔💔💔💔
believe me when I say It hurt me even more than you </3
I just finished reading part 2 and it waS SO GOODAJSFHJLFG you did amazing!! (n˘v˘•)¬
THANK YOU SO MUCH BABY !!!
Hi! New nonnie coming through :) First time I'm writing something because I'm such a nervous wreck but I just had to
THE FIC WAS SO GOOD THE VIBES ARE CHEFS KISS. IT WAS SO GOOD I LITERALLY DROOLED I CAN NOT GET OVER IT !
Mister kyotani pls rail me thanks 🐱
THANK YOU AAAH YOURE SO CUTE !!! I truly appreciate this with my whole entire heart so thank you so much baby, hope you have a good one mwah
Wait did he do anything with Sora?
nope!! they just went to the party together but in my mind he didn’t even hug her and she didn’t try anything else, too, simply bc she knew how in love he is with reader!!
YOUR MINDDDDD!! THE KYOU FIC WAS SOOOO GOOOD!! Omg i hope you do a part 3 😭😭
i have a Little sequel which is really really soft but I'd love to write some more for it!
@soranihimawari said: Part 1 & 2 with kyoutani was amazing as always Zade! I really liked the ending. This was such a fun read. I was wondering who’s else would be sharing the apartment with Kyoutani. What made you choose tattoo artist Iwa & Oikawa? Those two made me chuckle with the way they came in like that. Hope you have a great day/evening/late night/etc.
✌🏼&💜
—sora—
aaah thank you so so much, baby!! I truly appreciate your sweet words, youre the cutest! regarding your question: You shares an apartment with Iwa, Oikawa and Yahaba (who also works at the tattoo studio!) and i don't know to be really honest- I just like the thought of these three being really good friends so after contemplating whether or not to go with iwaoi or matsuhana, I ended up going with those two dorks! hope you have a good one baby mwah!!
@sakusapetals said: PLEASEE I LOVE YOUR WRITING SO MUCH
AAAH THANK YOU SO SO MUCH BABY !!! I LOVE YOU SM
How long did it take you to write the entire two parts? Like wow that’s alot👁👄👁 i adore long fics though
oooh- hm ?? tbh i don't really know ?? I can’t remember ?? I think it took me about a month or like three weeks since I did write it all in one go yk? it was the only WIP I worked on during that time and it felt SO relieving to publish it!
AAAHHH the kyou fic was a masterpiece bb!!! ❤️❤️
thank you so so so much baby!!<33
U LITERLALT WRIYE KYOU THE BEST ABSOLUTE BEST. he’s so aggressive and demanding but he still is willing to show someone special his vulnerability. I LOVE READING STUFF ABOUT HIM FROM U
AAAAH thank you so much- you guys have no idea how much these kinda comments mean to me- I love you so MUCH MWAH
I just read the first part of "back to life" an it had me speechless so many times, almost cried at the end, it's honestly so well written. I'm off to read part two. Have a nice day 🐰
sdoalfsla thank you so much baby! I hope you enjoyed both parts equally as much and thank you for all the love mwah!!<3
Hana is a baddie
SHE IS!! she’s literally the baddest bitch to ever exist ft. saeko ofc but nobody acknowledges it </3
@tonhwa said: I’m in love with the way you write kyoutani pls. Even your previous fics on your old account ( if you don’t mind me mentioning it ) are so fucking amazing. GOSH YOU CHARACTERIZE HIM SO WELL AND THE PLOT IS ALWAYS SO JUICY AND INTERESTING I CANT HELP BUT GO BACK AND READ IT. and then you release this fucking wonderful piece and I feel like it’s my birthday even though it’s already passed LOL ty ily have a wonderful day I’m sobbing tears of happiness
YOU GUYS PLEASE- the fact this made me tear up when I first read it- thank you SO much honestly. knowing you guys enjoy my characterization of my favorite character is honestly everything to me so thank you sm I love you baby have a good one!!<3
I’ve been on this app from high school, and now I’m a college grad. I have to say I’ve never sent a message to anyone I’ve followed. But that tattoo artist! Kyou fic, part 1 and 2 are 😩💕 *chefs kiss* you are one of my favorite writers I’ve ever followed since joining this app. You NEVER disappoint!
-💕 a very satisfied reader
thank you so much baby!! aaah this is honestly so so sweet :(( thank you for taking the time out of your day to send me such a sweet thing, I appreciate it and you so much mwah!!
i gotta say babe THANK YOU FOR THE KYOTANI CONTENT!! muAAAAHH💞💞
NOO THANK YOU GUYS FOR GIVING IT SO MUCH LOVE MWAH!!!
i love kyoutani and he obvs deserves his dick sucked 🤧🤧 but i catch him posting up with other girls I DONT CARE THE SITUATION he gonna catch these hands for a real one 👊🏼👆🏼🤜🏼🥊🥊 kidding 😐😐😐 he’d body me
pls the way this had me chuckling like crazy bc same sajlskjpw he can get mad all he want but he better stay his pretty ass where he is- by my side 😌
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this is it... the final post.... 226 through THE END!!!!!
this shit with mu qing and the river of lava is SOOOO dramatic im loving it
oh my god theyre on a FUCKING bridge of course they are okay let’s go boys
“You’re right. We’re alike. You think me odd, I think you to be rather weird too.” - so what im getting from this is that xie lian and mu qing are the only characters in this book with working gaydar okay yup got it this checks out
god... the fact that xie lian is ready to be like “look mu qing we can just forget about the past it doesnt matter we dont have to be friends i know you dont like me but im not gonna let you die over it” and then mu qing is like “.... god i really do admire you huh”
“You...certainly...are rather amazing. You’re...also...a better person...than me. Long story short, I...very much wanted...to become your f-f-friend.” - going to think about this for the rest of all time im about to become utterly unintelligible im overcome with emotions
“And, at the end of the white silk band, Feng Xin was gripping Ruoye with one hand while the other was holding on to a steel-faced Mu Qing, and he shouted towards him.” - the fucking IMAGE of this im gonna cry this is everything i could have asked for im so happy also mu qing dangling there like “ welp. guess ill live“
“Feng Xin was almost burnt by that pillar of fire, and he shouted in outrage. “WHAT’S WITH THIS BAND OF DOG SHITS, ATTACKING PEOPLE WHILE THEY’RE DOWN, SO VILE! FUCK YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY!”
Xie Lian responded, “IF THEIR ENTIRE FAMILIES ALL LOOK LIKE THAT, YOU SURE YOU WANT TO FUCK THEM??” - theyre so funny!!! and theyre best friends!!! theyre joking together now in the middle of all this i could cry theyre back!!!
“Using sticks as arrows, he held the bow with one hand and used his teeth to bite back the bowstring.” - no clue how practical this is but okay archer boy. hot
i actually have so many little quips between the three of them highlighted but we’d be here all night if i included them all. im literally so delighted by this omg worth the wait
“Each sabre strike slashed to the bone. It wasn’t like Xie Lian had never seen Hua Cheng use the sabre before in the past, but his style had always been easy and leisurely, nonchalant and casual. Rather than say he was handling a weapon, it was more like he was toying with a small knife. Yet those blade marks were filled with killing intent. It was easy to imagine just how skilled the one exchanging blows with him was, and how perilous this battle.” you have no idea how mad i was when i read this and thought we missed witnessing the fight between hc and jw omg
“Behind him, Feng Xin muttered, “Dear fucking god, may all the gods and buddhas grant their blessings, that better absolutely be Crimson Rain Sought Flower, otherwise he’s gonna go mad!”
“Stop your rubbish,” Mu Qing berated. “We’re all the gods and buddhas ourselves and we can’t grant shit, just keep up with him! Look at the stumbling way he’s running, he’s gonna trip and fall to his bloody death before he even sees the man!” - okay i know i said no more quips but this is literally too funny i just wanted to read it again
“ However, for whatever reason, that vicious ghost, in its muddled state, took that large group of live mortals under its wing and fled for many days. In the end, they were still surrounded by millions of ghosts, trapped in a dead end, and it was going to be eaten along with those humans.”
[...]
“That vicious ghost almost made a move against those humans, but for some reason, in the end, it didn’t. It instead used one of its own eyes as the price to forge a blood weapon. That vicious ghost was already forcibly hanging on with its last breath; after digging out its eye it should’ve broken apart completely. Yet somehow something had shocked it, and it instead woke to its senses completely. “ - THIS IS AMAZING ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? IS THIS ALL WE GET ABOUT HIS GHOSTLY LORE?????? HUA CHENGGGGGGGG
“What a terrible offence, his old habit had come out, and he quickly apologized.
“I’m sorry! You don’t have to listen to me!”
Hua Cheng, however, only smiled happily. “Everything gege tells me is the best advice, so why wouldn’t I listen?” - this isnt the fucking time afjdkfjsdkl they really never stop
“So you can hold the illusion of a perfect Crown Prince of Wuyong to face and dismiss the Jun Wu now. Isn’t that your objective? Did you think I don’t know what you’re thinking?”
“THAT’S NOT IT!” Guoshi cried. “Stop getting tied up in right and wrong, victories and defeat, I’VE NEVER THOUGHT THAT WAY BEFORE!” - jun wu only being able to see xie lian as his successor and believing that thats all anyone else sees too... okay
honestly this whole final showdown was a blast i cant put everything in but it was so much fun to read. the DRAMA the LAVA the SHOUTING t
“Hua Cheng had poured too much spiritual power into him. There really was too much, so much that it was completely outside the amount the cursed shackle could withstand.” - okay.... okay... the love you give will set you free... okay....
“With Jun Wu in his grip, he carried both their bodies and forcefully slammed into the incomparably-solid rock wall!
He used all of his power in this smash, and in the rumbling and crashing of rocks, he also heard the sound of something breaking.”
[...]
“A moment later, Jun Wu suddenly asked, “That move. What is it called?”
“...”
Xie Lian raised his sleeve and wiped away the blood on the side of his face. “Shattering boulders on the chest.” YES!!!!! YES!!!!! xie lian actually lived that life!!!!!! i loved this detail so much
“After a moment of silence, Xie Lian took off the bamboo hat carried on his back, took it in his hand, and covered it over Jun Wu’s face.” - xie lian... good... another detail i love. a hat that protects from the rain, given in a moment of need, even to someone who has caused you hardship... we do not forget the kindness granted to us
“There was gratefulness, there was shame, there was heartache, there was wild joy, but above all else, there was incurable love.” - :pleading: i wish it was just that easy tbh. “i have to tell you about the worst parts of myself” “ive already seen them and i dont care i still love you“ truly the dream
“ It’s been so long since anyone listened to me talk, won’t you stay? Don’t...actually do this. I won’t be able to take it. Twice, it’s been twice already! I really don’t want there to be a third time!!!” - the bit about just wanting someone to listen to him talk... xie lian... :(
emily corpse bride moment.... i knew it had to happen.... butterflies.... death and rebirth.... inevitable
xianle trio bickering about ruoye..... mu qing complaining but not letting anyone else fix it... im so happy
“The Rain Master sat down on the spot, looking like she was going to perform a passing service for her. After all, Xuan Ji was the only one left of the Kingdom of Yushi besides herself.” - xuan ji you sure the hell were... a character. this little moment tho..... yushi huang... many thoughts
“ Who hasn’t made promises, or swore to the mountains and the seas when they were young? Talking of affection, of love, of forevers. But, the longer I hang around in the world, the more I understand, something like ‘forever’ is impossible. It’s never going to be possible. Having it once was already good enough. No one can truly achieve it. I don’t believe in it anymore.” - jian lan im happy for you bummer it didnt work out with feng xin but yeah that was looooong ago. also this quote me same mood kin but its chill. having it once was already good enough
although yeah tbh if theres anyone who can have a forever like that... it would be a ghost and a god
fasdfjadklfj GOD... pour one out for ling wen.. but is that not the truth of this world? the one can be pardoned for being good at paperwork that no one else wants to do? isnt that the plot of the shawshank redemption?
okay but the fact that all xie lian’s friends come to visit him while he waits for hua cheng is making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.... fengqing coming together to try to get him out of the house but get scared off by his cooking... amazing
“Last time, they spent eight hundred years running towards each other.
This time, it only took an instant to fall into each other’s embrace.” - im completely unaffected by this. im not lying i swear (i am lying im very emotionally affected)
okay i love this final wrap up chapter party its so fun. mu qing moving on from the broom thing!!! good for him!! the beggars get their reward!!! the fun ghost city chefs!! SQX!!!! and he xuan is?? here too??? he’s hungry??? fjadlkfjsdl
“The grounds that Feng Xin and Mu Qing had just swept were once again filthy from that giant crowd of muddy feet. Mu Qing gripped his broom, looking like he felt someone had infected him with fleas, and his eyes were wide.” - me when my dad comes into the kitchen when ive just finished washing dishes i get it king
the little folklore bit... fun!!! oh my god its over..... :(
that was really fun i had a blast reading it and on the whole really liked it i WISH soo badly that hua cheng had gotten more outside of being cunty and devoted even tho those are both important i just wish there was more about like how he got by during those 800 years and like did he ever have doubts? what shaped his worldview was it all xie lian or was it his experience as a mortal as well? why is he so mean to e’ming? theres bits and pieces here and there and i know it was already SO long but that really would have been great if there was more about hc cuz tbh by the end, at least for me, the hualian relationship didnt actually feel as fleshed out as the xianle trio relationship like i still liked hualian’s dynamic and it was really sweet how much they clearly really liked each other and everything but i kind of wish some of the other subplots had been dropped or diminished in favor of more hc development i think that would have been cool
but anyway thats some of my thoughts and i really did enjoy the hell out of book 5 that was a riot and uhhh thanks to everyone who read these or commented *lends you spiritual energy through a high five*
#tgcf liveblog#it is Complete i can move on now#i actually have a lot more thoughts about hl because i uhhhh relate. to things. and have opinions due to my experiences#but its also quite Personal soooo i might just keep them tucked away#anyway im freeeeeee#mouse mumbles
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my annotations for chappy 11 of ysijwa
this is just for drea and leyla to read so if you're not drea or leyla pls keep scrolling :)
ok this is pretty chaotic and like i said earlier i treated this ike a wattpad comment section so... have fun ig :)
SHERLOCK AND WATSON CINEMATIC UNIVERSE SHUT UPPPPP I LOVE YOU SM DREA
NOT MISS SNAP CRACKLE POP
jealous y/n you say???
now i know why you ignored all my tiktok asks lmao
HELPLESS OH MY GOD
truly madly deeply intended :)
damn he's kind of a narcissist yk? like "I have to be serious my entire family depends on it" shut up mr darcy you're not special
devout in his religion hmmmmmm hopefully we see some more religious trauma content bc me too vampy
awww he wants kids but now he cant have them bc hes... dead :(
AWWW his sister taught him to knit :( if he doesn't knit bloodbag a sweater i swear to god
stuffy moron is correct
"IT'S A FUCKING WONDER HE EVER GOT LAID" OIJRIOJWEIOJIEWOJFIOEJOF
"THE ATROCITY THAT IS BEING ACQUAINTED WITH NIALL AND HIS HORRIBLE AFFINITY FOR CHEAP FLANEL" ORJFOIJFEIOWJ YOURE SUCH A POET
he's so dumb she was with him bc he's hot that much should be obvious to him🙄
FOOLISHLY HOPELESSLY UNMEASURABLY IN LOVE HWAT THE FUCK DREA IM SAD
i love that he remembers the spinal cord dislocation and the dead leaves . like yea im dead rn but the leaves in my hair are really what's bothering me the most
what the fuck is a maw
ok i looked it up i get it now
"attachment is for gullible idiots" yup and youre one of them vampy 😌
"the warmest skin his icy fingers had ever had the good fortune to touch" im so soft rn
oh so now she has "a wholesome beauty about her nature" ? i thought she was just cute enough 🤨
HE THINKS HER SMILE COULD RESTART HIS HEART THATS SO CUTE IM OUHOIJFOEWIJFIOEWJ
"the responsibility of keeping her safe, satisfied, and happy" how 🥺 🥺🥺
"as long as he breathes" i thought he didn't breathe lmao BUT I GET THE SENTIMENT
"always when it comes to her" IM SCREAMING RN THIS IS SO SOFT I CANT
ill never forgive him for being so dense either his brain is basically a rock
HE WANTED TO COMMUNICATE THAT HE BELONGED TO HER IM GONNA HAVE A STROKE
couldnt be me i dont want to be percieved
HE ADDED A FUCKING BUTTERFLY AFTER THE DISCO BALLS IM OIWFJIOEWJFIOEJIOEWNOJIWJ(*H(WUIOFJIOEWJFIOWHVIFUEH)U)($UT
HEY a hamilton obsession is not childish😤
'the only person who was allowed to touch him there was y/n' he's like a little kid who's possessive omggggggg
oh this reminds me i rlly hope everything in that chest was new and had never been used on anyone else owijfowiejfioewj
oh please my irish king can control himself let y/n meet the other vamps🙄
"if they knew all along why did it take so long" yk im wondering the same thing dummy
"every day was a battle to earn her love and affection" wtffff how could she hurt him like that he is just a baby
i think he needs therapy tbh
yes he does deserve to be treated with respect and dignity😤
"supporting and tolerating them despite your differences" exactly unless they're a republican
IM SORRY THAT WAS MEAN OIWFJOIWJFEIOw i said what i said tho
they did everything backwards but it's what baby needed🥺
im literally gonna 🔪 bradley how dare he hurt my favorite ribeye like that
PROPER BOYFRIEND-GIRLFRIEND BONDING PLSSSSS im sure he makes sure to say stuff like "as your boyfriend' or 'since youre my girlfriend' all the time now
"everything that has to do with harry has always and will always make her feel safe and secure" ...who's gonna tell her👀
HE BECOMES CLINGY IVE BEEN WAITIN FOR THIS ONE TURN IT UP
awwww my love language is also quality times bestiesssssss
(this is more serious you might want to change the words to nose kisses or something because esk*mo is a slur)
HE wants to be wrapped in HER arms and get forehead kissies like a little baby🥺🥺
i can tell you wrote this chappy bc leyla would never write about ice cream
IF CHRIST CAN GET A DATE MARKER SO CAN HARRY OIFJOEIWJFIOEWJFWI PLSSSSSSSSSS I LOVE HIM
ALWAYS FOR HER WEJFIOJWEIOFJEWIOFJOIEWJFOIEWJF HES SO IN LOOOOOVE
HE DID IT AND IM SO PROUD OF HIM🥺
omg i have a thot imagine if she got a heart murmur or something and obvi he knows bc he can hear it so now he has to find a way to make her get it checked out out without being suspicious 😭
HE ROCKS HER TO CALM HER DOWN WHEN SHES HAVING NIGHTMARES IJFEOWIJFOIWEFJ
“nearly blinds himself for eternity” what a drama queen i love him
maybe learn how to turn your brightness down grandpa
“can women sense emotional distress” why is this so funny oiewfjwieojfioewj
DEHUMANIZING OWEIJOIAJAKLFSDJLKSDJFKLD
not a psychotic episode 😭😭
crippling mommy issues woejfkljdklsjsdf me too king
awwwww he made her a full buffet i would cry
matchy socks im gonna sob
king is a chef 😌
y/n’s head @ harry’s clavicle rn: 💥
“his plush chest” drea its ok you can say titties
“absolutely flawless”? are you sure shes not just cute enough 🤨
he got her oat milk 🥺the sign of true love
hes such a shithead i love him
SPELLING HIS NAM E ON HER TUMMY IM HAVING ANOTHER STROKE
“I DIDNT WANT TO LEAVE YOU ALL ALONE” HES SO WOIFJSJFSDKJKLSDJF
HE DIDNT HAVE TO DO NIALL LIKE THAT 😭😭
RAPUNZEL HAIR OSIDJSKJKLSJF
she traces a tiny heart on him wtfffffffffff im sad
this… is hot
“theres no room on the counter” owifjlksjfslkfjklsj
HE WOULD WALK THROUGH FIRE FOR HER maybe then he’d be a little less cold
im sorry that was wrong of me lisjfskldjfwoiejewiojrei
OH MY GOD OWEIJFKLJSKLFJL SHES SO BOLD “can’t i?” OSIJFKSLJLKJF
oh boy hes gonna kill her
I WONDERED WHEN THE YOURE HOT WHEN YOURE MEAN THING WAS GOING TO COME UP
literally shut the fuck up mr english major
do it bestie kick him in the balls
SPARE BOOBIES MAAM I CNAT BELIEVE YOU aCTUALLY WROTE THAT OWIFEJWIJEKLJFOIEWHOEWIFEHFLKEWJFKLEWJKLJFL
IM WHITE IM ALLERGIC TO SPICE WEJFLKJFKLEJFLKJSKLJKFSJD
“character development at its finest” what a self aware king
y/n stop being mean to him baby just wants to feel close ☹️
“I’m anemic” ok king whatever u say
“ME AND MY CHRONIC ILLNESS IM SENSITIVE” IJFKLSDJFKLJSDKLJ
ahhhhhhh it’s yoga time
“just ask your cervix” jlksdjflksdjflkdsjflk
“if only you knew” ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️
yeah y/n isnt like those other girls 🤪 shes different 🤪
yes bestie objectify him
THERE IT IS MY FAVORITE LINE IN THIS ENTRIE BOOK
PERHAPS MY FAVORITE LINE IN ANY BOOK EVER
“He hasn't been this stiff since rigor mortis”
i think about this on a daily basis i truly do
grey shorts? what a slut
“call the lapd im pressing charges” me after walking up the stairs
OH SO THIS IS WHERE THE GREYS ANATOMY CHARACTERS FROM THE SPOILERS WITHOUT CONTEXT COME IN
him using his shirt as a towel im BARKING
“I wasnt jealous” yea ok 😃
AGAIN HIM DRAWING HIS INITIALS ON HER SKIN THATS SO WOIJFSKLDJFLSJ
yeah harold she just wanted a little kiss 😤
yeah 😃 its bc he ran track 😃
no bc thats so fucking cute that she pretended she had never seen the show before bc he was excited to introduce her to it 🥺
I would do the same tbh i feel like it would be fun to wash dishes with harry idk why
“that skank” oisjksldfjklsjfklsdjflkd
YOUR THICK SKULL COULD DAMAGE THE MARBLE LSKFJKLDSJKFLSDJFKLSJFKLSJKLSJLDKFJLSKDJF I WOULD CRY
he gets her a cup of water 🥺
ok but like wouldn't she want to wash her hair after it got all sweaty at yoga
awwwww she got his toothbrush ready for him why am i so soft rn
memory foam mattresses sound nice but actually they kind of suck bc you sink down and feel trapped in them 😃
HE WATCHED THE TIKTOK SHE SENT HIM IM HAVING A THIRD STROKE
niall is probably on the dumbest side of tiktok idek what side but it’s probably annoying and he thinks it’s hilarious
noooo baby youre not a monster🥺 someone give him a hug rn
well actually you are kind of a monster but its ok we still love u bestie
I too run on caffeine and pizza pockets 😌
TONSIL HOCKEY WHAT THE FUCK OIEJFLSDKJFKLSDJFLSJLKFJSDKLFJ
chatsnap hes such an old man 😭
true lmao if you dont have social media i immediately dont trust you
not the i just washed my hands tiktok 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
HE FEELS STRANGELY PERCIEVED RN KJFLSJFLKSDJ IDK WHY THIS IS SO FUNNY TO ME BUT IM LIKE LEGIT LAUGHING
DO IT BESTIE BITE HIM CHOMP CHOMP
“my eyes are stinging” hes such a baby 😭
“MY SIGH”TS ALL FUZZY” SJFKDSLJFLKDSJFLKDSJFLK
“are you all right” “I dont know :(’ i cant handle this my face hurts from smiling lksjflkjafklj
he has a kitchenaid stand mixer omg thats so sexy
ok but has anyone ever gotten salmonella from raw cookie dough bc i think thats just a myth
fuck u for that one vampy
wow he could never deal with my chronically ill ass
WAIT IS IT WAP
NOPE ITS BETTER LSDFJSDKLFJDS
I agree body is absolutely an instrumental masterpiece
I KNEW HE KNOWS SOME TIKTOK DANCES I KNEW IT
“I know youre kinda into that (getting smacked in the face)” SHUT UPPPPPPP SKJFSKDLJFDS
NOT HIM TWERKING SLKFJSDKLFJDSKLFJDSKL
YES YN GET THAT VIDEO AND BLACKMAIL HIM
“I think i popped something” ok old man 😭
why is the word wench so funny lkfjslkfjdslkfjsdlkfj
dont hand it over i want to see him snap
OH SHIT HE JUST JUMPED THE TABLE LSDFJSDKLFJLKDNMNXCMNJKHOIUIOEUR
oooooooooooo
OH MY GOD AGAIN SHE REALLY IS BOLD SLKDFJDSKLFJLSKDJFLKJFS
not guerrilla warfare 😭😭😭😭
do it bestie give him a concussion he deserves it
“no piece of art could ever compare to her” 🥺🥺
“remember that time you told me making out was childish” “no” i hate him 😭
THERE IT IS AGAIN “sex isnt the only way he can feel close to someone anymore” SHUT THE FUCK UP IM SOBBING
this reminds me of the dehydrated intercourse with demonrry
“don’t care, relationships are about sharing’ hes so sdjfksldjfklsjf
DO IT BESTIE KICK HIS KNEECAPS IN
suing disney for false advertisement 😭
THIS SCENE IS KILLING ME LKJFKLSJFLDSJ “just pucker your lips over it” “You have actual brain damage, dont you?” DREA I LOVE YOU KSDJFLDSKJFLKSDJ
how do those bubbles taste babe
ok drea wtf i was so happy and now this??????
“everything’s wrong” NO SHUT UP SHUT UP ITS HAPPY HOURS
not the boob privileges 😭
WAIT THIS IS FROM THE BSE MV ISNT IT “dance is just so hot rn” “depressing shades are just so hot rn”
NOT HIM GETTING ALL STUTTERY WHEN HE ASKS HER IF SHE WANTS A DRAWER 🥺
NO ONE HAS EVER BEEN THIS GENTLE WITH HIM BEFORE WTFFFFFFFF IM CRYING
“youre so fucking cute, my baby” me when i see literally any picture of him
JELLO HAS a STRONGER BACKBONE THAN THIS KSFJSDKLFJDSKLFJ
“betrayed. objectified. taken advantage of. used. “ i hate him sm 😭😭
OH MY GOD IS SHE GONNA SHAVE HIS FACE THATS SO CUTE IM
SHE ISsSSSSS IM SQUEALING
stop him worrying she’ll think it's weird and wont want to do it 🥺
“bold of you to assume id ever be convicted” PLS DREA LAKFJDKSLFJ
“the more you talk, the more appealing manslaughter sounds” I CHOKED DLSKFJDSKLFJDKSJFDSKLJ
HIM WHISTLING TO GET HER ATTENTION WHY IS THAT SO CUTE
Im sorry but its really funny to me how you wrote the sentence “wrong metal, he thinks ironically” … get it ? like IRONically lkfjdslkfj im sorry i’ll show myself out
“this boy?” what a fucking cutie i want to kick him
I forgot what a bop helpless is thanks for reminding me im gonna go listen to the entire soundtrack again-
theyre so fucking cute i hate them
so yea bascally this is the best thing ive ever read and i love you so much and my face hurts from smiling :)))
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Why wont he love me?
Im standing in the kitchen. My back is straight, and I'm chewing on my thumbnail. I do that a lot, chew on my nail until I bleed. The sting is a distraction. A small distraction. nothing can dull out the sense of dread that spreads through my entire body. numbing my nerve endings. This happens every day, at a half past 4 .Me standing in the kitchen trying not to panic. Because it means I have one hour.
60 minuets to myself before he pulls into the driveway.
60 minuets before the garage door hums into life and begins its slow decent upwards.
60 mins before he walks across the garage, opens the door and steps into the house. Our house...No. His house. It's his. Everything is his. He doesnt allow me to stake claim to anything. Everything is his.
60 mins to enjoy the calm and peace.
60 mins left of the kids being happy and content.
1 hour of pain free, anxiety free, solitude.
1 hour before my husband come's home.
I hate it when he's home. He's tired and annoyed, and if I dont have a hot meal on the table....and I wont...hes going to be angry.
He's always angry.
I think my mere presence pisses him off. The way I look, or maybe the way I don't look...shit. I knew he'd notice the 3 pounds I put on over the holiday's... the way I talk...he hates me. I dont know why. I cant figure out why he cant stand me. I'm his wife, shouldn't he love me? take care of me? protect me?
But he doesn't. hes the most painful part of my life. He gets off on hurting me. And I deserve it, I think? Im not sure, Honestly. He says I do but he never tells me WHY I deserve it. Just that I do and ive just started believing it. Maybe its true, maybe its not. but there is no point in arguing with him about it. That just makes him even more upset, which just makes it hurt that much more. Better to just clench my teeth take it and pretend it didnt happen. Bruises fade, bones heal. Cuts and scrapes scab over and eventually disappear. The scars hes left...at least the physical ones...are easy enough to tuck out of site. The lies I tell myself and others flow freely from my tongue, and eventually I can convince myself that they are, in fact, truths. I love him, thats all that matters, right? Thats the only thing that is important. I love him. I've always loved him. I can love enough for the both of us. My affection and constant, unwavering loyalty makes up for everything.
I'ts my fault. I should have hugged him tighter. Kissed him harder, deeper. With more passion. I shouldn't have faked that orgasm...or at the very least, I should have been more convincing. It's my body, not his performance thats the problem. He's good in bed...amazing. Hes never not been able to satisfy his partner....its my fault. Silly me, of course its my fault.
A toddlers shriek of excitement makes me jump. I glance at the clock...five thirty...my mouth goes dry.
Oh god.
Hes home.
I stare out the front window and my blood goes cold. His red car is in the driveway. Hes still seated in the drivers seat, head bent. Hes on his phone, probably telling Her to give him a few personal minuets and then , Yes. She can come over. At least when shes here he only hurts me with his words. Thats a small comfort.
Im frantically hurrying around the living room, trying to clean, trying to tidy up the mess the babies have left in the living room.
Stupid. How could I lose track of time. The house has to be clean before hes home. Its a requirement. His requirement.
The door opens.
I freeze.
I hear him scuff. He takes off his cover. His boots....Pulls his belt out of the loops and toss it over the arm of the couch. The same routine every day. Come in. Strip in the laundry room, so his uniform can be freshly washed before work the next morning. I remain in the front room, still on my knees, hand froze over the toy bin.
Hes mad. Hes pissed. I can hear it in the way hes banging around the laundry room.
Is he mad at me, or was work just particularly rough today...Ether way, im paying the price for it. I quickly take stock of my body....flexing muscles. Legs are sore...left arm fine. Right arm still throbbing from two days ago. My head will probably be fine, but I guess it depends on how rough he is. Maybe a concussion or hopefully, if im lucky, it will just be ringing in my ears and a headache. I take a deep breath and stand. My hands fist nervously at my side.
I walk around the corner and my words die in my throat.
The expression on his face says everything. He glares at me and goes to the fridge, opens it, and pulls out a beer.
My blood is ice inside my veins. White noise in my ears. I turn, grab my babies and hurry them upstairs. My hands shake and I drop the ROKU remote twice before I can get the TV working and a cartoon playing. I raise the volume as high as their little ears can handle, and hope that its loud enough. I kiss their sweet, innocent little faces, my lips tremble but I fight back the rising panic.
I close the door behind me, swear under my breath when I hear my sons soft voice cry out in protest and his sister plead with me to stay. I close my eyes and bite down on my lower lip. I hate doing it, but it has to be done. For their safety. I lock the door. Effectively sealing them inside the master bedroom. If they are locked behind a door, they wont see it. They wont see what I know is about to happen. They wont get in the way, and he wont hurt them. I dont think he would ever intentionally hurt them, but accidents happen and I'm not willing to take that risk. I would never really know if it was an accident or not. Cant risk that.
I stand at the top of the stairs.
I force my mouth into a smile and make my legs move.
My home is a nightmare.
My husband hates me.
And I dont know why.
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Baby Dobrik - David Dobrik
word count: 1761
an// this gif has nothing to do with this story, david’s just cute af
“I need help.” I whisper into the phone, waiting for a response.
“What’s going on? Are you okay, (Y/n)?” Liza says without hesitation.
“I’m fine. Can you come over?” I ask.
“Yeah, I’m on my way.”
“Can you do me one more thing?” I ask, trying to remain calm.
“Yeah, whatever you need.”
“A pregnancy test.”
“I’ll be there as fast as I can.” I can hear the background noise of her getting in her car, “I love you, (Y/n). Don’t panic.”
“I love you too, Liza.”
I will always be thankful for the relationship that Liza and I have. Everyone assumed once I started dating David that we hate each other’s guts. That is far from the case. We were all friends before anyone dated. Liza is not in a place in her life right now where she can have a boyfriend.
David has moved past that. It took time but we ended up together. We’ve been friends forever, but one night we were drunk beyond belief and one thing led to another. We decided after that that we both wanted a relationship. Liza has been both our friends through all of it.
It doesn’t take long for Liza to show up at David’s house. It’s just me here, the house is quiet. Too quiet for my liking.
“(Y/n)?” Liza asks, walking through the front door that I had unlocked when I opened the garage gate.
“Hi.” I smile slightly but it’s more of a courtesy than of being thrilled.
“I got it.” She hands me a brown paper bag and joins me on the couch. “Are you sure?”
“No. That’s why I need this.” I shrug before shaking the bag to gesture to it. “My period is over two and a half weeks late. I’ve also been throwing up every morning this week. David thinks I am getting the flu. I didn’t put two and two together until right before I called you.”
It’s weird sometimes to see Liza so serious. She always adds humor to everything that she does, it’s something that I love about her. Even she doesn’t have a joke for this. The only other time I’ve seen her like this is when she opened up about her mental health.
“No matter what the results, you are going to be okay.” She places a reassuring hand on my knee.
“The last thing that David needs right now is a kid.” I place my face in my hands, “His career is doing so well. I don’t want to be the thing that ruins that.”
“You won’t be ruining it, and if David sees it that way he’s not the man that either of us thought he was. It’s not just his opinion that matters. How do you feel?”
I can feel my eyes slowly starting to water.
“I want to be a mom, but I didn’t want it this soon. It’s not what I expected for my life right now, but I can’t help but get excited with the thought.”
I ramble while she nods, understanding where I am coming from completely.
“Go in there and pee on that stick. I’ll be out here no matter what the results are.”
I hop off the couch and go into David and I’s shared bathroom. Three minutes pass and the timer on my phone makes me jump. The stick is face down on the counter. I take a few deep breaths before I can stomach flipping it over. Either way, I can find happiness. I know I can.
Positive.
I walk back into the living room. Liza notices and immediately sets her phone down.
“Am I going to be an Auntie?” She asks with a smile.
“You are.” I smile.
She jumps up and pulls me into a hug. She’s jumping up and down and pulls me with her.
“I know this isn’t when you wanted this to happen but it’ll be good! This baby is going to end up being a blessing, just you wait!”
“I know, I know!”
Liza stays for a while and I make lunch for us. We talk about the baby, and how the rest of the vlog squad is going to react. We also talk about how David is going to react.
“I just hope he is as excited as me. I was worried at first, being so young, but now I can’t wait to be a mom.” I smile.
“I’m home!” David yells, he kicks off his shoes at the front door. “Hey Liza, I didn’t know you were coming over today.”
He walks over and stands next to me at his table.
“Last minute thing.” Liza insists. “But I think I’m heading home now.”
She gets up from the table once he comes into the house.
“It was great spending today with you.” She places a hand on my arm.
“Thank you for coming over.”
I pull her in for a hug and walk her to the door.
“Good luck. Text me everything.” She whispers, “If you need anything, I’m a phone call away.”
“Thank you, Liza.”
She waves before walking out of the house. I walk over to find David in the living room now.
“Hey, how was your day?” I ask, sitting down next to him. I swing my legs onto his lap, and he sets his phone
“Good. I think I got some good content at Zane’s with Jason. We did this bit with the flamethrower.” He starts laughing to himself thinking about it.
“I’m sure that’ll be great.” I smile.
“Hey, are you okay?” He asks, picking up on me acting more quiet than usual.
“Yeah, I actually need to tell you something.” I sit up, tucking my legs underneath me.
“Am I going to like where this is heading?” He starts absentmindedly spinning one of the rings around his finger.
“I honestly don’t know. I hope so. I think it’s good.” I laugh nervously.
“Should I film a reaction? Is it good?” He gets a goofy grin on his face but I can tell that he’s still nervous.
“Yeah, I think it’s great. You might have a different reaction.”
He grabs his camera and starts recording. This could go either way. He’s either going to get great footage of him first finding out about our child or he’s going to get our downfall.
“Close your eyes.” I smile.
“Really?” He groans. “Do I have to?”
“Yes, because if you don’t you won’t believe me.”
He reluctantly closes his eyes. I quickly run to the bathroom to grab the pregnancy test. I come back to find him with his eyes still closed.
“Hold out your hands.”
“(Y/n)” He groans out my name before holding out two shaky hands.
I place the small plastic stick in his hands. The small plastic stick that holds our whole future.
He peeks his eyes open to see the test.
“You’re joking.” He laughs, not believing me.
“I’m not.” I can’t wipe the tight-lipped smile off of my face.
“Seriously?” I nod, “Deadass?”
I nod yet again. He doesn’t say anything for a second. Instead, he tackles me on the couch.
“Oh my god! We’re having a baby!” He yells.
I can’t help but laugh along with him. He’s still hugging me into the couch, the camera long forgotten.
“I love you.” He peppers kisses all along my face. “I can’t believe you didn’t know if I would think this was good!”
“I don’t know! I was unsure at first, we’re so young.” We pull away a bit so we can see each other’s faces but not so far that we aren’t touching.
“Yeah, but so were my parents. We’ll figure it out, I couldn’t be more happy to do this with you though.” He grins. It gives me butterflies seeing him get so excited about this. I feel bad for even doubting him in the first place.
“We’re having a baby.” I whisper.
“We’re having a baby.” He reaffirms.
I lean in and press my lips against his. We’re both smiling too much to really focus on the kiss. He scoots down on the couch and presses a kiss to my stomach.
“Hey, we’re still recording.” I laugh and point to the camera which had been forgotten.
“Welcome to the vlog squad Baby Dobrik.” I say with a laugh.
David rests his head on on my stomach just getting close. He’s whispering super quietly, I can’t even hear most of what he’s saying
“So, is this what it’s going to be like for the next nine months?” I ask, rolling my eyes.
“Yes, you two are bonding all the time. I’m taking all the time I can get,” He says with a smug grin.
I reach forward and grab his camera and turn it off.
“Looks like you’re going to have the best clickbait yet.”
“No.” He shakes his head, “At least not for a while, I want this to be between just us for as long as I can. Our baby.”
“Well, us and Liza.” I smile.
“Liza already knows?” He asks, shocked.
“Yes! She brought me the pregnancy test.” I point to the test to that is no just sitting on his table.
“Okay, next time please just come to me. I promise you have nothing to worry about. I love you so much.”
“Next time? Already planning on knocking me up again?” I joke.
“Maybe, we can’t just have one kid!” David says af it’s the most obvious thing ever.
“How many kids do you think were having?” I ask with a laugh. It’s fun talking about this with him. We’ve talked about the future together but never children.
“At least two.” He shrugs.
“Two I can handle. I already have my hands full with you, can’t have too many kids.” I poke him in the side.
“Hey!”
“Kidding kidding!”
“So I told my best friend, you can tell yours.” I say, “It’s only fair.”
“My best friend already knows.” He sits up.
“What?”
“Yeah, she’s the one carrying my child.” His face flushes for a second, slightly embarrassed.
“That was so cheesy, bub!” I coo over him.
“Alright, shut up.” He tries to push me away from my affections.
“Hey! You can’t tell a pregnant woman to shut up!”
“This is going to be a long nine months.” He groans back, repeating my earlier words back to me.
“I know, but at the end we get a baby.” I remind. He shakes his head again in disbelief and awe.
“Baby Dobrik.”
#david dobrik x reader#david dobrik imagines#david dobrik baby#david dobrik vlogs#vlog squad#liza koshy#david imagine#david x reader#david dobrik#baby#david dobrik pregnancy#pregnancy#pregnant
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if you sent any asks (recommendations for things don’t count as I have to look around!) since october 17 until october 22 it is in here :)
anon said: The header for your askbox response post is *aesthetic*. I think it’s a really good idea to post one every few days if you have the time. ❤️
well, thANK YOUUUUU!!!!! I put in a whopping 10 minutes into it because I had no idea what I was doing! i’ll definitely be doing asks this way now though.
big dick kiri anon said: !!!!!! ILY HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY PLS HYDRATE 💙💙❤️❤️ -bigdickkiri
Omg love! Please don’t worry about kinktober just breathe! Take your time and try to relax 💙❤️- bigdickkiri
DAMN, that is a LOT. Please look after yourself and don't stress about it love!! - bigdickkiri
I'm very excited. BUT PLEASE LOOK AFTER YOURSELF, DO NOT FORCE ANY OF THIS OMG - bigdickkiri
AHH, AMAZING, TALENTED SWEETHEART, GORGEOUS LOVE, HAVE A INCREDIBLE DAY AND HYDRATE - bigdickkiri
I believe I did have a good day, and I am actually super bad at hydrating, buT ILL TRY TO GET BETTER!!!!
I am breathing!!!! JUSTTT BREATHEEEE!!! I am taking my time now and relaxing to the best of my ability :D thank you so much bdk I love you with all my soul
theres always a lot, but if im not doing a lot I dont do anything so on one hand.... it’s okay LMAO but I will continue to try and not stress :D
BDK I WOULD NEVER WANT TO MAKE YOU THINK IM FORCING THIS OUT OF MEEEE ILL TRY MY BEST TO MAKE YOU PROUD
GHSOGHJIAORGJRGIRAHG YOURE AMAZING, BEAUTIFUL, TERRIFIC, INCREDIBLE!!!!!!! YOU HYDRATE AND MAKE SURE YOU KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU
@bread-theduck said: We love you and support you ❤ dont push yourself, your mental health is so much more important that kinktober haha. Take all the time you need, we're right here and open if you wanna talk~
I don’t really try to push myself... it just happens subconsciously D: but thank you for the love and support!!!! my mental health is stronger than I give it credit though
anon said: listen! we all appreciate you and your writing dearly but! I think we can all agree that we want you to be okay mentally and physically before you make yourself write! kinktober can wait! you’re more important!! at the very least, pls take a break for tonight.
I honestly can’t even remember when i said I was tired, but thank you for your kind words regardless!!!! I am trying to get better at it because i don’t want to disappoint you guys D:
@saintbullet said: Please take care of yourself!!! DONT risk your health for writing. We care about you so much! Be careful 💕💕💕
I know I push myself a lot, and i’m really sorry for scaring you all!!!! I am trying though, and it just has a lot to do with my mental fatigue and that im judging some hard classes right now then it has to do with anything
anon said: hey it'll be alright! idk whats wrong but i promise everything will work out like its supposed to! you just take care of yourself and take as much time as you need to feel better!! we love u!! ♥️
It wAS MY PERIOD I REMEMBER NOW AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! I LOVE YOU TOOOOOOOO WITH ALL THE LOVE MY HEART POSSES!!!!!!
anon said: periods can be a pain so pls take care of yourself!! drink lots of water and rest up!!!
my period is the worst, if she was a person i’d block her and avoid her irl!!!!!!!!
anon said: Lol ok so gay for Mina anon back and no, I was not the anon who requested it. But lmao, let me take this time to whole heartedly thank that anon for quenching my thirst anyways
oh whoops, sorry for thinking you were someone else D: iM GLAD TO SEE THAT YOU WERE HAPPY WITH IT!!! READER WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A BAD GUY BUT I COULDN’T FIGURE OUT HOW TO MAKE IT WORK LMAO
anon said: I am just planning on hanging out and reading all the lovely writing that comes from this
i’m pretty sure this is about my nsfw/sfw headcanons, and honestly im sooo very excited to start working on them!!!!!!!!
anon said: you have no idea how happy I got when I saw u posted for mina like UGH MY WIFE I LOVE HER SO MUCH 🥺🥺🥺 N GIVING US GAYS AMAZING CONTENT UR AMAZING MWAH MWAH KEEP BEING THE PERFECT ANGEL U ARE 🥺🥺💞💗💖💕💓💝
AHHHHH IM SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT MINA IS LIKE MY FAV CLASS 1-A GIRL SO I LOVE HER SO MUCHHHHHHHHHHH YOURE AMAZING AND I LOVE YOU AND YOURE AN ANGEL!!!!!!!
many a anons said: Sorry I didn’t see the part where you said not to request characters that were already on the list I thought that was the list of character we could vote for.
so sorry I accidentally sent a character in that has already been requested, Tumblr didn't show me the follow up posts ;;
nooo I didn’t see the list I’m so sorry 😭😭😭
LOL ITS OKAYYYY. y’all were hoes and kept sending me shouto who I couldn’t even think about deleting from my list... so... you are lucky >:(
anon said: hello! not a request here but take care of yourself anc stay hydrated bb 🥰🥰
I got my water right next to me rn bby :D
anon said: be todoroki’s girlfriend
bitch I am todorokis WIFE, why would I need to dress up???
@girl-with-a-mentality said: You can be todoroni for Halloween.
....you right...
anon said: Thirst post infoo ;3 I found a doujinshi of Bakugo being teased and toyed with sexually with by Ochako, Yaomomo, and our lovely momma Mina
...send it
anon said: GIRLLLLLL
ANONNNNNNNNNNNNN ;)
local dumbass anon said: local dumbass is here once again, i thiink you know who i am and might've found my ig buuuuuut..?
uh.... I don’t know???????? I only followed people on insta if you gave me your handle or followed me first.... also did you cut your bangs?
anon said: Your Monoma scenario was really good!If we’re being honest, though, Monoma would literally start foaming at the mouth if he saw anyone from 1-A making physical contact with his s/o, ESPECIALLY Bakugou. They would have to call animal control because there would be a rabid Monoma in the dorms lol
okay... while you’re not wrong, I just thought 18 year old monoma should have grown up just the tiniest bit! plus his obsession is controlled because of his insecurity so LMAO IDK I JUST THOUGHT MAYBE UGH
@awkward-theaterkid said: I was reading your Day 19 Fic but I couldnt take it seriously, the title "My Way" kept reminding me of the Backstreet Boys "I want it that way" and it keeps popping up while I read it 😂
as someone who only heard that song because of b99 I read this and immediately thought of b99 LMAOOOOO
🍒💥anon said: URGENT PSA: LYSSA IS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING AND I LOVE HER -🍒💥
Hello Queen Lyssa, I finally read "And They Were Roommates" and have absolutely no idea why I put it off so long! ITS A MASTERPIECE. Each chapter is addictive and the slow burn and angst destroyed me 😭 The smut in the final chapter is flawless and sooooooooooooooooooo H O T. Shoto wasnt even my favorite character but he might have to be now (or at least in my top 3) 😰 This is my new favorite series and I cant wait to re-read it!!!! YOURE AMAZING AND ILY. You own my soul now -🍒💥
URGENT PSA I LOVE YOU CHERRY EXPLOSION AND YOURE AMAZING :D
ATWR holds a special place in my heart uwu.... HAOGHIOSRGSIOGJSIHG THANK YOU!!!!! SHOUTO IS AN AMAZING CHARACTER WHO I LOVE WITH ALL MY HEARRTTTTTT
~ thank you to @didyoumeanme, @kittenlordofdarkness, @soafers for submitting memes and animal pics for my rommate, much appreciated :D ~
anon said: Did the local dumbass anon ever cut their bangs? Do you know?
....I dont know, but I just asked her rn >:)
this paragraph is dedicated to those surrounding to the meltdown mess that occurred yesterday. to each and every one of you who sent me kind words via my askbox or directly contacting me, thank you. I really want to move past this because I feel by holding on it will make me feel less inclined to write because of my guilt. of course, I do not expect you to forgive me, or trust me in my story of how it went down, because at the end of the day it was my mistake for trusting in someone to write with pure intentions when I didn’t know if she could. im trying to continue on with my best foot forward and im grateful for those of you who trusted in me. I swear I will never push myself again, and that I will instead take my time in order to publish my original work and only my original work and not take anything that comes from a “friend”. know that I love you all, and I dont know how to take it easy so my break lasted a whooping 10 hours, and my blog won’t discontinue until im done with bnha or...I get into medschool which is still 3 years away, I am taking care of myself, im staying hydrated, im trying not to put myself down anymore, I will keep going, & will forever continue to be more careful with what I post. also, no one was really coming for me, so don’t worry if you thought so lol.
(to you 9 anons who expressed their kind thoughts to me, thank you. to big dick kiri anon thank you. to @bqkubabey, @flayvus, & @ultimate-shit-poster thank you so so much you really helped me not drown myself in my own guilt.)
anon said: i hope you’re feeling okay today :((
I am feeling a lot better. unfortuantely I did make myself really sick yesterday because ive never been as stressed in my life ever, but im okay now. there’s nothing I can do more for what happened so I will try to continue on as best as I can and I appreciate you caring... ilysm :)
@ikinabi said: Your writing??? Actually god sent 🥵👌 and the way you write Mirio gets me GOING
BAHAHAH NOOOOO ITS NOT PLAFUAOGHJIPRAHAR MY MIRIO PIECE YOU LIKED WAS MY FIRST PIECE ON HIM AND OOO BOY I DID NOT DO HIM JUSTICE
anon said: fuck buddy iida is a thought that has never crossed my mind but now that i’ve seen your post i am intrigued haha
well... it is up :) if you wanna check her out :)
anon said: You dont have to answer if you dont wanna but i just wanna see if your okay. I hope your end your doing well and not stressing.
i’m doing much better than I was yesterday!!! I just needed to rest and calm down and stop attacking myself. thank you for checking in!!! it means so much :,)
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;; for nobody to hear, or nobody to see. it's the same thing every single night. i used to not be able to sleep from noise, but it's hard to remember the last time i slept without crying ;;
i'm unsure why i cry like this so often. i don't like being here, but i consider what would happen if i wasn't
i feel so bad for those who rely on me. if you just forgot me it'd all be ok
i'm a lost cause, please don't feel guilty because you can't help me
i'll never say if you can't help me. i will say what you want me to say. it only feels like you like me because of the things i do for you. people like me because what i do for them. not who i am. i'm so embarrassed about living and feeling. it's not right to feel so awful like this but it's the only way i can feel. i feel so heavy and i don't know what happened. i try to say my pain is temporary but it's so constant. i hate talking to everyone because i feel so helpless and out of control. i want to know you care but no validation is ever enough and being alive and known is fucking terrifying i hate this so much but couldn't tell a person. i hate how disconnected i feel. you tell me it's okay but i'm numb now. i don't see how you can feel better because my laughs are so fake. i don't feel okay ever or relieved and i feel constantly on edge. i can never relax. i worry about everything i feel so tense i miss you why would you do that please don't leave me why can't you see it oh my god
it's so easy for my "yeah i'm always okay haha!!" to be regarded as perfectly okay, right?
you all claim you're there for me but i'm sorry when i say i feel nothing. i'm so better off dead and i'm so ungrateful. maybe i would get more rest then. i'm only there because of the false faith and hope i have for my afterlife and how i don't want you guys to hurt. i think of it so much. i dont want to afflict that pain on you, but i crave it.
every moment i remember the insults, the shaking, your death and her lashing out and how i disappointed you and all the things you don't know and the regrets and the memories i feel so awful and it's so gross
i got back in the habit and i feel sort of glad. it was so hard to do it, but i know i'll make it through. maybe my pain would be taken seriously. it'll help me feel something. i'll have control of something; how i feel.
its not temporary. im forgetting and there is blocks in my speech and thought process. im like a hamster in a ball being watched by a thousand eyes. i dont like this and i feel so pressured. please stop,
your texts alone give me that stupid feeling ive always had. i dont know what to say to you because i just want to be loved but i cant keep sticking to the constant worry and reminders of her, i hate it. you've failed me so much, so why am i the one feeling guilty?? nothing makes sense anymore and music is the only outlet i have at this point. let my thoughts fade away and you can take me to another place. i don't like it here
with you i constantly laughed and smiled but i felt so hollow. the breakdowns would come so suddenly and it was so frequent. i just want an end to this so i can stop feeling so judged and unworthy please stop stop stop stop i dont want it anymore please i cant handle it,
"oh ok!!!" "yeah im ok"
when will i realize i'm never fucking ok and im sorry you have to deal with me
what do i want?? ik i have a purpose but i dont see the purpose
its always so foggy to me
months and nothing's changed
wish i knew,
miss you. i would be happy with you all if i knew how to
i miss my joyous self but i dont know how it is. its so easy to fake things now idk what's real
i sure hope im not faking it ;;
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getting lost up in the past— this is what I found
Friday February 1st, 2013:
ugh..im sitting in third hour..i wanna cry, but i cant theres to many people..
can anyone really save me? ..no.. noone ever can.. i just wanna be happy, truely always happy.. )': ughhhhhhhhhhhh! i gotta go..
Monday February 4th, 2013:
holy shit that was a longg weekend.. i almost cut saturday.. i got a new razor & everythingg.. Jake told me to go chuck itt in the snow, soo i did, but then on sunday i went & found itt.. soo i have itt in my ipod case like my other one.
I stayed up till 3 saturday nightt watching 'Enchanted' i love that movie now (: and i sent Jake a 7 and a 9 page text.. he was asleep though..but his best friend is a girl & i have nothing at all against that, i don't have a reason to hate her at all, i havent even met her, but i still am so super jealous.. i hate that they hang out and slepover together and i dont know, i trust him.. but look what happend with the last guy, i trusted him with all my heart, i never thought he would cheat on me and he ended up fucking his ex-girlfriend and lying about it.. im so scared.. i dont wanna be here.. i was thinking saturday & yesterday how i wish i was single just so i don't have to be so paranoid..but i love being around Jake that i wouldnt dream of ending it..
Shawntay said i should tell him about how i feel with him & his besty, but i idont wanna be the dumb bitchy girlfriend who is all 'you cant talk to girls-blahh blahh blahhk' shitt, ya know?? So ima just leave it to myself because i don't care..
im really trying not to cut.. Tabby (my ex's girlfriend) told me that it takes 21 days to break a habbit & we both last cut on the 22nd, soooo we'll see how that goes..
on wednesday it'll be me & jake's 4 months.. & next thursday is valenitines (how ever you spell itt) day and i wanna get him something.. hmm..
my tits now have names.. right one is Adam & the left is Ryder (:
I love him, my baby. <3 soo much.. </3
Wednesday February 6th, 2013:
today is 4 months with my baby!! i love him sooo much. dude. <3 he is so amazingg. i just want to push him in the snow and kiss him and be crazy. i am crazy about him.. like super crazy aboutt him. <3 i dont wantt him to be taken awayyy! ):
Hunter said he was going to ask me out last week on friday on the bus.. god he's a douche.. he broke my heart so many countless times and just left.. and my ex. my good lord, he is such a dick. im sick of them both fucking with my head and heart. ive moved on and it Shawntay's words 'have a new life with a better guy'.. god i love her. i dont know where i would be right now if it werent for her.. <3 i love you shawny'z forever <3
Friday February 8th, 2013:
well..i almost cut last nightt, i didnt but i was aboutt to.. im not taking my meds, im just throwing them in a bag & ima sell them.. they weren't working anyway soo..
Im seriously so sccared that Jake's going to leave me.. even though he says he's not going to an yada yada yada, but still.. im paranoid.. it's just who i am... i love him with all my heart though.. ya know??
im diguesting..im a whore..a damn slut.. in love with a guy who prolly cant stand me.. im fucking pathetic.. why..why..why would, HOW could anyone like me, or put up with me.. i mean, what the hell..im a little ugly bitch. a fat, pathetic, stupid, idiotic, loud, sluty little damn bitch...fuckkkkkkkk.
fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.
fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuckfuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.
fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.
fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.
fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.
fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuckfuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.
fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.
fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.
fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.
fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuckfuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.
fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.
fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.
fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.
fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuckfuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.
fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.
fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.
Monday February 11th,2013:
well..i hate myself. terribly. fucking. little. cunt. thats what i am. a fucking bitch. a pussy, more like a pair of balls.. pussy's are actually quite strong.. so im a pair of balls. GROSS!.. i like pussy better.. whatever. so anyway.. i hate how much of a bitch i am. im so mean to everyone. im not good enough for shawntay. i dont deserve jake and i feel like i treat both of them like shit.. i dont mean to. they're both my whole world..damn.. i couldnt live with out both of them.. i really couldnt.
Conversation on Saturday Night:
me: how isn't it? if you go then you wont have to worry about me.
Jake: ill worry more
me:no
Jake: yeah i will
Me:no
Jake: why cant i?
me: Because..you just cant. you shouldnt. its not worth it.Never. You should leave before you get hurt.
Jake: this isnt about right now anymore is it?
me: i guess not..
Jake: cause ive told you before im not leaving unless you stop loving me ima be here for you until you dont want me to and ima be with you till you break up with me, i love you and im gonna stay through thick and thin. you wont hurt me. You wont.
Baby i friken love you and i wanna be with you no matter what im yous i dont want anyone else but you and im gonna stay okay?
Me: i hurt everyone. i want to be with you. i am in love with you. but i am so hard and difficult. i push every single person away because i just tear people down. i dont want to do that. You are so amazing and that cant die.
how can i call that mine? that is a way to good for me kindda guy.. ive fallen in love with him. but he is way to good for me.
Tuesday February 12, 2013:
i almost cut last night.. i lost it and i started crying terribly. my mother is such a damn bitch. i cant handle her anymore.. she's having surgary on the 25th of this month.. but shes forcing me to appologise for being 'rude' to my brothers wife.. fuck that.. she told me i didnt appriciate anyone.. you dont tell someone who hates themself, who seriously cant stand to look at herself or hear herself, you DONT TELL THEM THAT THEYRE NOT FUCKING APPRICATIVE! what the hell.. so i have anger issues so i flipped out, not to her, just annonmusly over facebook & shes not even my friend on there so fuck her. seriously. and my mother is sticking up for HER, an not ME. bitch.. i have enough shit i dont need to deal with this, its from over a month ago.. i hate my mother.. she fucking came running downstairs screaming at me for taking something that i really didnt.. i didnt even know what she was talking about.. why... im always to blame. FUCK HER! god... she makes me want to kill myself. she thinks that i look up to her and that she's this perfect little angel and does everything for me.. but all she does is make me feel like shit.. i mean we have our moments that we get along an laugh an are friends. when we're friends we're totally fine, but than she turns in to over protective bitch mode.. i hate itt.. i dont wanna stay after school to get extra help.. and shes fucking making me. i hate it. i hate her. i want to get the fuck away. HELP ME! i need to be saved.
Wednesday February 13th, 2013:
theres not a lot of time to write here today...i only got about 3 minutes.. but damn.. i wanna die.. im not going to stopo myself tonight if i wanna cut. i gotta do it.. its to hard. my parents and my one brother are douches..they fucking dont know when to stop making me feel like shit.. i hate it. goddamn.. i cried so much last night.. i wish i were alone.. it'd be easier not to worry about hurting someone.. i hate myself. im absolutly disguesting. fat, ugly and just so gross.. i hate what ive become.. i cant stop myself. it's who i am now..
my razors fell out of my case this morning, it was scary i thought that someone was going to ask me what they were when i bent to pick them up.. i was so shakey.. i hate myself. ughhh. fuck. i hate everyone, my self the absolute most though.. good bye..
Thursday Febraury 14th, 2013:
well.. i stopped the 21 days last night.. 16.. 2 on my thigh, they're small. and the rest between my two arms. im such a fail..
Jake did the cutest thing ever.. he put a bunch of choclate kisses in my locker & taped it saying 'i <3 u' i keep blushing today.. i just told someone i like they're hat & he said he liked my face, i blush to much, i dont like him even, but it was kindda a compliment, soo.. *sigh* i hope shawntay doesnt get mad at me.. i told her i cut in our notebook, i havent told jake & im nott gunna unless he asks.. i cant tell him.. i HATE THAT THEY CARE!!!!!!!!! ugh... i just hurt eveyrone.. i make everyone want to kill themselves.......... FUCK.
ive been handing outt 'my little pony' valentines today.. only 4 gurls, and like 15 or more guys.. the girls are Shawntay, my friend Kenzie, Tabby & Heather. God.. all of them are so FUCKING gorgeous..ugh.. i seriously wish i could be even half as pretty as them.. Shawntay, everything about her is perfect, i wouldnt change a thing. Perfect long hair, flawless skin, perfect body.. McKenzie, she's in love, happy, so beautiful. Tabby, SO gorgeous, i find her easy to talk to and i think we could be pretty good friends. i love her hair.. i want it terribly. and Heather, her makeup, my lord is it always so damn perfect. no flaws to it, always perfect all the damn day long. She may be a bitch sometimes, but she's also hillarious as fuck. i could see me an her being better friends then we are, but not anything long-best friend. but damn.. i wish i were them..
Friday February 15th, 2013:
last night i broke down terribly and cried for hours.. i could stop. my douche fuck parents.. goddamn.. i wish i could just love them and call it good. but my mom comes down and bitches about facebook.. so now i have to delete it.. god. she controls every damn thing of my life.. she doesnt even know what tumblr is or instagram & she fucking wants me to delete them. HELL TO THE FUCK NO! dumbass. i hate her.. she ruins my life..
Tuesday February 19th, 2013:
okay..well this is reallly really stupid.. but on friday, i realized that with my ex boyfriend, he fucked her while we were together & i had sex with him countless times after.. so now i obviously did something wrong. it showed me how worthless i am & how much i seriously fuck people up..it's all my fault. i loved him wrong. i treated him like shit and look where that's gotten me.. im such a pathetic fucking fail of life. i hate myself.. im used and worthless. im the damn slut of the fucking family for fuck's sake!! my oldest brother just got married & the other just got engaged.. ugh..
ive been starving myself latley too.. it's kinda hard because i love eating, but ive been not eating lunch for about a week & i rarley eat at home soo..
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