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erodasfishtacos · 3 years

Text

#HendallReunited

prompt: request was to write broad but to write something angsty

Word count: 5.2k

Warnings: language, sexual content, angst

Harry always had issues with saying ‘no’ to people. He never quite grew out of his manners even when he should have.

He said ‘yes’ to way too many things- signing autographs for rude fans and paparazzi, and agreed to way too many things Jeff suggested.

Saying yes to everything didn’t make his life any easier is the thing. Especially when it came to his wife. She was usually left with the aftermath of him being too nice.

The media painted Y/N in a negative light occasionally and so did the fans because she would stand up for Harry and not let him say ‘yes’ to every single request.

She would tell disrespectful fans he’s not signing autographs because of the way they were screaming and interrupting his work.

Harry wished he could do it himself - admired that his wife didn’t give a fuck what people thought about her. He cared entirely too much what the world would think.

The couple didn’t fight about much - no, not really. Normal couple stuff for the most part. But this was the exception, this is where Y/N found most of their turmoil.

Every few months it would rear it’s ugly head and they’d find themselves in the same position over and over again.

This time - it was really fucking bad.

The couple had been staying in their Los Angeles home for the last few months whilst the singer finalized his album and began promotion.

It was boring meeting among boring lunch outings to get all their ducks in a row. Jeff - his manager the main orchestrator.

He was a great manager and a good friend, but it was also business too which Harry didn’t always comprehend.

At the end of the day, Harry was making Jeff millions upon millions of dollars. But Harry didn’t think that way.

Harry was in a stuffy conference room at the The Late Late Show to work on the script and ideas for the show. Promo had been nonstop.

He was a bit tired as it was nearly just hitting eight in the morning and he had been up late with you - having some late night loving in the hot tub.

“As for guest - Kendall Jenner,” James Corden’s producer states. All the men agree but Harry is taken aback.

“Why...why would we have my ex-girlfriend as one of my guests?” Harry interrupts, confusion knitting his brows.

Kendall and him didn’t end on a bad note - not at all. They hooked up a few times after their ‘break-up’ but once he’d met Y/N she was understanding when he cut it off.

Y/N wasn’t necessarily jealous of the model, but didn’t love when they’d run into each other at events. She was still overtly flirty with Harry without much shame.

Harry also didn’t have an desire to see her or host her as a guest on the show. She was nice but he wasn’t interested in being friends with her. They didn’t have much in common and he was head over heels for his wife.

“The media will eat it up, dude. Harry Styles and Kendall Jenner reunited on a show after four years?” Jeff smiles, the others nodding in amicable agreement.

This is one of this times where Harry needs to say “no,” that it’s disrespectful to his significant other to use an old flame for promo for his album.

He already knows ‘hendall’ will be trending within minutes and he can’t imagine how that would make his parter feel.

“I just...this doesn’t seem like a good idea?” Harry begins hesitantly, making it sound more like a question than a statement.

“Why not?” Eric, one of the writers asks.

“Y’know, I’m married. I don’t think m’missus would appreciate if I did somethin’ like that just for promotion,” he states, scratching at his jaw uncomfortably.

“Look Styles, we’re not asking you to fuck the girl. It just a interview, c’mon,” The executive producer gruffs - wanting those guaranteed views.

Harry swallows - looking at his manager and then at everyone else at the table looking at him for an affirmative answer.

“Uh-sure,” Harry fumbles, feeling anxiety rise into his throat. Fuck, he’s such a god damn pushover.

He’s trying to find his voice to go back on his agreement but the meeting wrapping up and people are leaving with final handshakes.

Harry doesn’t know how to tell Y/N what is going on. He’d been keeping in stored in the back of his mind, not ready to have a blowout.

He never found the perfect time to bring it up and now it was too late. It was the morning of the show and he was due to be at the rehearsals this afternoon.

Harry had finally decided he was going to tell her this morning over coffee but forgot that she had a girl’s day planned with a few friends.

She was already out to breakfast with them when he woke up. His phone had one text from you.

Hi baby. I’m out with the girls. See you at the show tonight. I’ll meet you there around six! Love you!

He was fucked royally and he had no one to blame but himself. Maybe it’d be okay, maybe she’d roll her eyes and tell him he’s an idiot.

Realistically he knew that was just a sweet dream at this point.

—

Harry was fidgety and kept mucking up his lines during rehearsal as it got closer to the showtime and his missus arriving.

Kendall had arrived for hair and makeup without seeing her ex-boyfriend yet. He dreaded seeing the model.

Kendall and Y/N had met a few times at different events. It was always cordial. Kendall was always casual - their relationship was never more than a couple fun dates and sex.

They were kind to each other when they met but he couldn’t deny how much harder his partner kissed him on the mouth afterwards.

Before he know it, his wife is hugging him from behind as he talks to a producer about which cameras to look at.

Y/N noticed the way he tensed up at first and thought about how unusual that was for him. Normally, he’d lean back into her with his full weight causing them both to stumble and laugh.

He slowly, cautiously turns around and his face relaxes a little bit but not completely. “Hi baby,” he hums, leaning in for a kiss.

“You look so handsome,” she replies, admiring his brown pinstriped suit and her pearl necklace that he’d snagged awhile back. She thought it looked better on him anyways.

“You look even better, s’fuckin’ pretty, love,” he gushes, coming back in for another kiss - a little too sensual for the setting.

She was donned in a cropped white shirt, showing of the smooth expanse of her tummy. An oversized blazer of Harry’s, ripped jeans, and heels.

Harry thought fleetingly he couldn’t wait to fuck her after the show. Then remembered that mostly wouldn’t happen.

Reggie, the musical lead, slides up to you two. He smiles wide at you, saying, “Can’t believe you agreed to the guest this evening.”

Her eyebrows furrow in confusion, Harry’s raise nearly to his forehead, but when she opens her mouth to ask him to explain they’re interrupted.

“Harry!” The leggy model trots over to the little group. Dressed in an interesting one-piece suit that has sewn in heels. She looked beautiful as ever, of course she was a model.

Both of them turn towards the oblivious girl, “Kendall,” Harry replies with a twinge of anxiety - eyes repeatedly looking at his significant other’s profile as multiple emotions flash.

“Hiya, you’re Y/N right?” Kendall smiles kindly, offering her manicured hand.

She accepts, “Yeah, uh-good to see you again.”

Harry knew she had connected the dots quickly in her head. The hurt, confusion, had hit her eyes before narrowing into full-blown rage at her partner.

“I promise I’ll go easy on him,” Kendall jokes before pinching at Harry’s cheek teasingly. The model was a natural flirt with everyone she got along with.

“Oh, sure,” she replies lamely, attempting to not let her feelings burst out in that moment with her husband . She knew it wasn’t Kendall’s fault.

“I’m going to go grab a bite to eat. I’m probably gonna puke when we do ‘spill or fill’. See you guys soon,” the model waves before trailing off with her assistant.

“Did you kn- of course you knew she was your guest,” Y/N seethes, turning to fully face the guilt-stricken-singer.

He rubs the back of his neck, avoiding eye contact, “I did.”

“How long have you known for?” She demands to know, keeping her voice at an angry whisper to not draw attention.

Harry wasn’t going to lie to his love, “About two weeks.”

Y/N replies with a laugh, “let me guess, you let Jeffrey talk you into this bullshit, again.”

His silence is all she needs to know it’s true.

“For Christ’s sake, of course,” She huffs bitterly, “what’s even worse is you didn’t fucking tell me. What the fuck?”

Harry bites his lip, not able to rasp out anything but a pathetic, “m’sorry, love.”

He wasn’t usually good at taking responsibility during a fight. He was stubborn at best but he couldn’t deny his way out of this.

“You will be, you-“

They were cut off by the staff, the audience was trailing in and Harry needed to get mic’d up now.

“This conversation isn’t over,” she points her finger at his chest before storming off to the side of the stage where she’d watch from.

Fucking shit.

Harry was a performer. It’s easy for him to push things to the back of his mind so he can entertain a enamored audience.

But tonight, he was struggling. Eyes flicking over to the teleprompter more than usual, his demeanor not as vivid and carefree.

Not when his wife was glaring daggers at him from stage right. Her hand constantly at her mouth, biting at her nails - a nervous tick of hers.

“Next up, the one, the only, the beautiful model and one of my good friends, Kendall Jenner!” Harry introduces when she walks out and waves at the crowd.

They hug and when they pull apart they step over to where they were playing the game. Either answer the question or eat a nasty food picked out by the other.

They weren’t allowed to see each other’s questions before the game started- both going on blind which put Harry more on edge.

“Okay, Kendall. Rank the members of One Direction on most to least attractive or you will be eating...” Harry spins the table, “Cow tongue.”

She flinched at the disgusting plate, smirking up at Harry before considering her course of action, “I think I can answer this one.”

He wasn’t looking forward to her answer. Neither was Y/N by the way she nearly shaking her foot off her leg.

“Okay, I got this. You - the most attractive, then uh- Zayn....Louis...Niall...Liam,” she laughs, “but all of you are hot!”

Harry fake laughs and acts like he’s impressed by her answer as the crowd roars and cheers.

When Kendall picks up her notecard - she laughs in surprise at the question before looking at him with bright eyes.

“Okay, um, bull penis!” She giggles before starting the question, “I’m dying to know this answer. So...your first album HS1 was released four years ago, correct?”

He nods, apprehensive.

“Which songs were about me? Especially was only angel?” She laughs at Harry’s pale expression before without another thought he shovels the rancid food into his mouth.

Harry looks off to the side to see that his missus is no longer sitting there. Just Jeff - who gives him a thumbs up.

The first thing he did when the show ended and the lights dimmed was bolt off to Jeff - ignoring Kendall who was about to say something to him.

“Where’d Y/N go?”

He thought she might have went out to get a breathe of fresh air but for the next hour and a half he hasn’t seen her once.

“She said she wasn’t feeling very good. She told me to tell you she’d meet you at home,” Jeff shrugs unbothered.

“Damnit!” Harry curses loudly, ripping out of the microphone and the little pack in his back waistband.

“Harry,” Jeff scolds at his unprofessionalism that was abnormal for him.

“No! Don’t fucking ever ask me to do shit like this again. You fucking knew what questions were on those notecards and you said it wasn’t anything about our previous relationship.”

“Harry-“

“Don’t fucking talk to me. You’re a real shit manager sometimes, you know that? Do not contact me tonight or tomorrow for that matter, you douchebag,” Harry barks before storming off towards the dressing rooms.

All the employees were standing around in shock, staring at the popstar as he ignored everyone around him.

Harry was famously known for being a kind, amicable guy. So it took everyone by surprise to hear him speak like that. Even Jeff was shaken up a little.

—

The house was pitch-black as Harry pulled up. The house’s first floor was lined with large, bay windows and not a single light was on.

He could find one room illuminated which was your bedroom. A dim side lamp must have been flicked on. He imagined her purposely turning off all the lights on the trek up the staircase.

Harry didn’t want to admit how much he was trembling with awful nerves and anticipation as he slowly turns the knob of the shared bedroom.

Y/N wasn’t laying in bed as he expected but found the bathroom door shut tightly. He noticed a little yellow bag with tissue paper off to the side by a dresser.

He knocks on the oak door, not daring to enter without permission.

“What do you want?” Y/N answers, tone flat and emotionless.

“Can I come in, baby? Please...” He wasn’t ashamed to beg for forgiveness at this point. Hearing the emptiness in her tone scared him shitless.

“I really could care less,” She replies coldly from her spot in the scalding water decorated with bubbles.

Harry had never felt more unsure in his life as he enters the bathroom. Y/N had gotten proper pissed at him or vice versa before - right before a concert, an award ceremony but she’d never left without him.

Her head was laying against the foam headrest and her body was covered by the soap water. She looked tired and her eyes were puffy from crying.

Harry kneels next to the tub, “look at me, please pet.”

Y/N takes a moment before turning her head and opening her eyes. They were distant, disappointed in the man in front of her.

“I should have told you about Kendall. I should have put up more of a fight to get someone else on instead,” Harry admits, his hands desperately wanting to reach out for her.

She shakes her head with a heart-wrenching sniffle, “it’s not just tonight, Harry. We’ve had this conversation continuously for three and a half fucking years. You try to please everyone, despite them giving no fucks about you.”

“Are you that much of a pushover? You let your ex-girlfriend flirt with you in front of millions. Do you know how embarrassing and unfair that it to me?” She wipes at her eyes to stop the tears spilling over.

Harry hadn’t thought of it like that - to be honest. But he agrees, it wasn’t fair and downright cruel to do that to her.

What? All because he couldn’t say ‘no’ because he didn’t want people to be mad at him? It was pathetic and ridiculous.

“I-I won’t let it happen again, lovie. I mean it, I truly do,” Harry whimpers reaching over to cup her cheek and wants to cry when she pushes him away.

“You’re a broken record. You’ve said that a million times before but don’t change,” Y/N points out, eyes boring furiously into his wife’s.

“I’m goi-“

She cuts him off with a sharp edge in her tone, “Just leave me alone, get out.”

The man’s face crumbles and for a second, she wants to just end the fight and makeup but then nothing would change.

“Baby-“

“Get out!” She finally bellows, tears streaming down her face steadily.

He obliges, head hung in defeat as he closes the door behind him. He stands there’s blankly for a second before going to the walk-in closet.

He’s pulling out a fresh pair of cotton underwear and a large sleepshirt for his partner, laying them neatly on the bed.

Harry doesn’t know what to do with himself while he waits so he pulls out his phone to mindlessly scroll.

He throws it against the wall when he sees #hendallreunited is trending number one on Twitter at the moment.

The singer strips down to his briefs and sits with his back against the tufted headboard, staring blankly at the wall.

His eyes catch a neon pink pair of his swimshorts tossed carelessly on the decorative vase in the corner of the room from the night before .

“Fuck, baby - no need to rush,” Harry groans into Y/N ‘s mouth as she pushes him until he’s sat on the edge of their California king.

She reaches impatiently for the tie on his neon pink swimshorts and yanks them off his slim, peach-fuzz thighs before throwing them onto the vase without a care that it was worth over twenty-thousand pounds.

After edging her in the hot tub with his fingers and mouth, she wasn’t waiting any longer before clambering onto his lap, pulling her swim bottoms to the side, and sinking onto him.

He felt guilty when his cock twitched at the thought of it. But when reality set back in, the arousal with the memory evaporated.

It isn’t much longer until the door is pulled open and Y/N’s padding into the room with a towel secured around her.

She looks at the clothes Harry set out for her and pointedly walks past them to pick out her own nightwear.

That really shouldn’t make his eyes tear up as he watches her slide on a similar pair of panties and an oversized shirt. Spotting a purpling bruise on her upper in thigh from his mouth.

Y/N silently walks past the bed and to the bedroom door, looking back before bleakly stating, “I’m going to sleep in the guest room.”

He frowns, wrinkles appearing on his forehead, “You can sleep in here, love. I’ll take the guest room.”

Harry doesn’t get a reply as she just shakes her head and closes the door loudly behind her.

It’s just - he’s never seen her this upset. She was usually fantastic at communicating her feelings and hashing things out.

She wasn’t one for the silent treatment or ignoring the topic. It had his chest rising faster than usual with anxiety. The serious of it overwhelming him.

He states at the wall for a very long time without wiping the fat tears brimming over his trembling lips.

He couldn’t sleep - it was half past three and he hadn’t even laid down or clicked off the lamp.

Harry accepted sleep wasn’t coming so he begins to tidy the already clean room. He picks up the shorts and tossing them in the hamper.

He refolds some joggers he’d carelessly shoved in a drawer and when he went to move the little yellow bag - curiosity got the best of him.

There was no card and he wasn’t sure who it was for or if it had been a gift already give to Y/N that she had returned home with.

Harry really shouldn’t - but he does. Gently tugging out the paper and reaching in to feel fabric.

Pulling it out, it takes him a minute to identify what it is - two baby onesie. Who was having a baby?

He lays them in front of him, eyes widening in surprise as he reads what is printed across the black cotton.

The first one was the colors and font of his upcoming tour merch with the photo he used on his tour announcement with the heeled boot and white pants.

Love on Tour - Due Date: September 2025

With Special Guest Appearance from Baby Styles

The second one was simple and read across the chest:

I’m having your baby (and it is your business) with embroidered kiwis all of over it.

He frantically reached back into the bag to pull out a bundle of pregnancy tests tied with a silk bow.

They weren’t necessarily trying for a baby but they’re weren’t not trying either. Harry wanted a baby as soon as his missus was willing to give him one.

“No, no, don’t one,” she’d whined into his mouth when he’d reached over to grab a condom off the nightstand.

“Oh sweet thing, you want me bare? Fill you up?” He croons happily, coming back to grip at his thick base and tease at her entrance.

“Ye-yeah, H. Please,” (Y/N) whimpers, bucking her hips in the hope he’d slip inside her.

Harry hums, “Might give you a baby though, y’want me to knock you up?”

“Want it, wan-“

He cuts her off with a hard, blissful kiss as he thrusts all the way inside before pulling out to do it again.

“Gonna give it to you, whatever you want, lovie,” he promises.

The two had never used protection afterwards. It had start about seven months ago and from his knowledge she’d still been getting her periods regularly.

Occasionally, he would palm at her flat tummy and pout, “Haven’t put a baby in you yet, ‘ave I?”

He was so ecstatic but disappointed in himself for ruining everything and pleasing everyone other than who he should be.

Harry needed to fix this. He didn’t want Y/N to lose the excitement of having their baby over a dumb choice of his.

The man’s out of the room and not knocking before entering their guest room. His now pregnant love is laying on-top of the covers.

One hand subconsciously on her belly - which she removes and places next to her when her wife walks in.

The television was on but the volume was low and Y/N wasn’t watching it in the first place anyways.

Harry sits on the edge of the bed, “I opened the yellow bag.”

She looks at him with wide eyes, a little taken aback. she was going to surprise him tonight and forgot to store it away for another time after the fight.

Harry has happy tears dribbling down his cheeks, “you’re having my baby?”

Y/N nods, running a slight hand through his curls. She still had a nasty knot of anger and uncertainty in the pit of her stomach.

It pains her, wanting to share this moment of excitement with Harry but she just couldn’t. The uncertainty of whether Harry would put everybody’s needs before his own baby.

“Come back to bed, want t’talk and celebrate. M’so bloody excited,” Harry murmurs, a large smile decorating his face as he smooths a palm over the expanse of her tummy.

His wife shakes her head and places a hand over his, feeling the cold metal of all of them. “I want to be left alone.”

The twinkle in Harry’s eye diminishes to devastation as he realizes that he’s fucked up so badly that she doesn’t even want to celebrate.

“Pet, can...we just forget about it tonight and be happy ‘bout the baby?” Harry asks selfishly, knowing it was unlikely she’d agree.

She didn’t, a firm expression on her face, “no, I have a lot to think about.”

“Like wha’?” He asks anxiously, unknowing of quite the reason she was so furious.

“Like how you say yes to everything and everyone. We talk and talk about how you need to say ‘no’ and do what’s best for you - for us. You agree to and never follow through”

She takes a shaky breath and continues, “it’s affected our relationship before when you’ve had to cancel our vacation away from all this for a charity concert you’d agree to perform at last minute, dinner reservations because you told your friend we’d be at their art showing they wanted you at.”

Harry knew she was right. He did those things. He wanted everyone to be happy with him - to a fault.

“Tonight was just icing on the cake, you allowed your manager to talk you into hosting your ex on that show. Out of all the people in the world - her. With flirty questions and jabs from her. You let that happen. You care about making everyone happy but in return you don’t care how it affects me. That’s pretty shitty.”

“I’m...I’m really fucking scared you’ll do that even when we have the baby. I need you to put them first and right now...I’m not sure if you’re going to. You can’t put the person you want to spend the rest of your life with first now, how do I know you’ll do it with the baby?”

Harry chokes out a sob as he presses his forehead against the bed, his broad shoulders shaking. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d cried this hard - years ago maybe. He felt like his wife didn’t have any faith in him and he was to blame.

He looks up at her with swollen eyes - at a loss for what to do or say. He loved her so much and was over the moon that they were going to have a baby.

“How do I fix this, darling? You’re right, I really fucked up. M’sorry,” Harry cries, grabbing at her hands and she allows it.

“Just saying you’re sorry won’t fix it,” Y/N replies flatly, letting Harry squeeze and kiss at the backs of her hands.

“Then what do I bloody do to fix this?” Harry raises his voice in frustration, staring in bewilderment at his wife.

Y/N narrows her eyes at him, “Do not raise your voice at me, Harry. Actions speak louder than words.”

Harry swallows harshly, pressing one finally kiss to her hand. “Okay.”

“Okay?” She repeats.

“I love you, I’ll fix this,” he promises with conviction. He knew what he needed to do and do it tomorrow. So he and his wife could enjoy her new pregnancy.

“I need space tonight, I just...please”Y/N says quietly, rubbing at his shoulder.

It wasn’t the first time they’ve slept in separate rooms because they weren’t getting along but they normally found their way back to each other before sunrise.

Harry nods, lip still tremble with the residual anxiety of the conversation. She allows him to press a soft kiss to her mouth before leaving the room.

—-

Cafe Habana was busy - but no one was paying much attention to Harry and Jeff. It was the morning after and Harry had demanded a meeting over breakfast with his manager.

“Y/N pregnant,” Harry states bluntly after their drinks arrive.

“Oh? Congratulations, dude. That’s exciting!” Jeff leans over to pat him on the shoulder, a big smile.

“The baby is due in September. My next tour starts in next July. The baby will be about nine months. I want to be at home with them for the first year.”

Jeff doesn’t look pleased, “what are you getting at Harry?”

“Reschedule the July and August tour dates. Tack them on to the end of the tour,” Harry lays out flat.

He hadn’t talk to his wife about this but he knew this was how he could prove that he could say ‘no’ and not be a pushover.

“No Harry. Look I get you’re excited about the baby - but that will be such a fucking hassle,” Jeff frowns, sipping his mimosa.

“I’m not asking, Jeff. I’m telling you that’s what needs to happen,” Harry replies firmly, tone strong and unwavering.

Jeff is definitely taken aback by his client’s conviction.

“While we’re on the topic, do not ever put me in a situation like you did yesterday. It affected my wife and I. And I will choose her over this career any day.”

The manager nods in surprise, “Harry, I’m sorry.”

“I’m not asking for an apology but if you ever pull something like then I’ll be looking for a new management team. Are we clear?”

Jeff once again nods, unsure of where this is coming from but at the thought of losing his biggest client would be disastrous so he’d do whatever to accommodate him.

“Consider it done,” he tells Harry before clearing his throat in a slight panic.

—

Y/N woke up to an empty house. She was restless, she asked Harry to prove to her that he could be what she needed. However, it was a bit unfair because she didn’t know how he could do it.

It’s just…she had a baby to think about. They both needed to be put first and if it took a gnarly fight for Harry to realize it...so be it.

“Baby? Love, where are you?” She hears Harry echo through the whole house. She was sat in the kitchen, on a stool by the island, idly sorting through mail.

“In here!”

Harry jogs in, panting like he sprinted from the garage up to the kitchen. He comes to stand in front of the love of his life.

“I might have not completely fixed everything but...I tried,” Harry tells her, cradling her face in his large palms. “ I just got back from lunch with Jeff. I told him about the baby.”

He takes a deep breath before continuing, “I rescheduled tour dates so I can be with you guys at home in London for the first year. Then...maybe you guys can join me after?”

“Harry…” she’s at a loss for words.

“And I told Jeff that if he ever puts me in a situation like that again, I’m firing him.”

Y/N stares at him, in awe and admiration of the man she chose to marry and keep forever. His face was so sincere and vulnerable.

Harry didn’t know whether it would be enough. If it wasn’t he’d keep trying but all he could do was hope. He waited with bated breath as she processed his words.

“Baby, you-for me?” She murmurs as she stands up and crowds into his space. He instantly wraps her up into a tight hug, missing her touch.

“Of course, pet. I’d do anything for you, I mean it. I’d quit this whole career if you wanted tha’,” he tells her truthfully - lips brushing her forehead.

“I love you, so so much,” Y/N murmurs, pressing a kiss to his lips.

“We’re havin’ a baby,'' Harry sighs dreamily into her mouth, tongue sliding against hers. A large hand came to palm at her belly.

“Yeah, m‘having your baby,” She giggles as he begins to trail the kisses down her jaw and neck - pressing her into the marble countertop.

“Should we name it Kiwi?” Harry rasps as he slides the tank top strap off her shoulder so his lips can meet the cap of her warm shoulder.

“We are not going to be that celebrity couple who names their baby something weird,” Y/N groans as he grounds his hips into hers with intent.

THE END

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blipblooopp · 3 years

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Let It Be Me

Summary: Choi San is many things. The most talented man you have ever seen. Be it on the dance floor or in front of a mic during a gig. He was the kindest person, always holding the door for the people behind him, helping the elderly carry things, even paying for strangers randomly. He got along famously with your parents and even better with your grandparents. He was charming like that, capturing the attention of anyone and everyone who even looked his way. He’s the love of your life, you’re sure of it but he’s also your best friend. Pairing: Boy Band AU!Choi San x F!Reader Words: 5.6k Genre: Angst/Smut

You’ve heard of a thing called platonic soulmates but it’s taken you years and years of watching Choi San grow to realize you weren’t. Well, you hoped you weren’t. Everything about him made your body erupt into a fire.

San looked at everything with adoration, finding all the good in life, including you. It was a double-edged sword, really. It made you feel special… important. But you could barely concentrate when his eyes were on you.

It didn’t help that he was gifted in pretty much everything; it made you nervous beyond belief. He’s pretty much perfect and as much as you wanted to be with him, you knew the odds of him liking you back were slim to none.

You’ve come to terms with it for the most part. It hurt to see him flirt with girls in front of you, hurt even worse when he started dating this awful girl named Areum. She didn’t give a fuck about him, actually. She barely responded to his calls and texts, going as far as blocking him one time. They fought nonstop. Every time you two hung out, San had a new dilemma to talk about. For some reason, San wouldn’t break up with her.

You had asked him after a night of you two getting drunk together, after another night of listening to his relationship problems. He laughed dryly, taking another sip of his beer, “I love her so much.”

Apparently, it was his “slow-motion” moment. He and his band had been wrapping up the night with their last song, soaking up every second they could have. Halfway through the song, San had noticed Areum in the front row. You were there too so you noticed the look on his face. A look you had never seen him make before. It basically tore your heart out when he told you that he couldn’t get “that beautiful girl” out of his head. She ended up becoming a dedicated face in the crowd so San asked her out.

You would’ve thought they were soulmates from the way they looked in the beginning. Lord only knows how they got to this point. How you got to this point, with San crying in your lap.

It was 10:00 pm when someone started banging on your door. You were enjoying a cup of coffee but you almost had a heart attack at that moment. You opened the door with shaking hands, hoping that whatever killer was on the side wasn’t actually a killer. Instead, you saw your best friend, with swollen red eyes, sniffling.

“Oh my god, San! You scared— what’s wrong?” You immediately dragged him in, locking the door behind you. He sniffled again as he slumped into your couch. You took a seat next to him and took his hand in yours. “Was it another fight?” You knew it wasn’t. In all the fights you had heard, San never cried.

“She was cheating on me… this whole time.” He hiccuped as he talked.

“That bitch.” You said under your breath. You held onto his hand a little tighter, trying to contain your anger.

“I went to her house tonight because she wasn’t responding to me again. I wanted to talk it out with her but she opened her front door in her underwear with some motherfucker sitting on her couch!” Although you had many words to say with Areum, you were speechless in front of San. What were you supposed to say? All you could do was scoot back on the couch and guide San's head onto a pillow in your lap.

“It’s gonna be okay.” You ran your fingers through his hair, “You can cry for as long as you want.”

And cry he did.

____

The next morning was hard. You woke up on your couch sitting up-right with a terrible case of stiff-neck. That’s not the only reason it was hard. No, it was worse seeing San still laying on your lap. He was wide-awake, dark eye bags contrasting against his face. His eyes stared deep into the ceiling.

“What’re you thinking about, Sannie?” You started to run your fingers through his hair again and watched as his eyes fluttered shut, his body instantly relaxing.

His eyes opened again, “Why didn’t she love me?” You couldn’t respond, not that he let you. “I knew we weren’t perfect, knew she wasn’t perfect… but we always made it through the end of the day. I can’t believe she would do this to me.”

“It’s her loss.” You finally said. “You don’t need her anyway. It was her decision to cheat and you had nothing to do with it.”

San didn’t say anything after that, just continued to stare at your ceiling.

___

The first few weeks were the hardest for sure. San had spent most of them at your place, barely leaving even for band practice. When he did practice with the guys he would leave early, only strumming a few chords on his guitar before deciding that it reminded him too much of Areum.

“He’s been really out of it.” Yunho, the bassist commented one time. San hadn’t even played that day. He just sat in the corner for an hour. You stayed behind for a few minutes and told San to wait in the car. You wanted to catch up with the other band members.

“Can you blame him? That bitch was… well, a bitch.” Wooyoung shot back, setting his drum sticks down.

“How has he been holding up?” Hongjoong asked.

You scoffed, “Have you seen the man? I don’t even think San’s there anymore! God, if I see her, it’s on sight!”

You did your best to help him through those weeks. You had been through a few hard breakups in the past so you understood that the early stages were the worst. You even used up all of your sick time to stay home with him. You had never seen him this gloomy. At one point, he went through five pints of ice cream in three days.

____

It took three months for San to be even remotely okay. He started going to practice more and this time, he actually played. You couldn't say you were surprised. San loved playing with the band and you knew it was probably the only thing that would bring him out of his funk.

"You look good, man!" Hongjoong slapped his hand on San's back playfully and for the first time in months, San had his usual dimpled smile.

"I feel good." He replied, setting down his guitar and taking a seat next to you on the beat-up couch. "It's thanks to you, y/n"

Your eyes widened. "Me?"

He nodded. "You stayed up with me, didn't go to work, even made me breakfast when you knew I didn't have the energy to get off your couch."

You couldn't lie; your heart was racing. All you could do was stare back into his eyes with a goofy smile painted on your face. San put his hand on your thigh, skinship being normal between you two, especially within these past months.

Your friendship remained just that, a friendship, for the next month. You were okay with this, though. At least you had a small sliver of hope now that he was single. That tiny bit of hope that he'd love you back was able to tide you over.

Until one night.

San had come over for your weekly movie nights, an event you had been doing since high school but stopped doing because his ex got jealous easily. You tried calming your nerves as you sat next to each other, his arm wrapped around you.

You were so close you could smell his cologne. It was intoxicating. Maybe it was the fact that he was newly single now, filling up your thoughts even more recently, but his entire presence was overwhelming tonight.

“You alright, beautiful?” Since San was single now, his usual playful flirty side was coming out again. Just like everything else about him, you had a love-hate relationship with it. It doesn't mean anything. You had to remind yourself. He talked like this with everyone, especially when he wanted to get a rise out of his bandmates.

You gulped when you looked up at him. How could a man have this effect on you? You would think that after years of unrequited love, you'd be able to at least contain yourself. “Yeah.”

San gave you a dimpled smile, shifting his gaze to a piece of your hair, moving it behind your ear. Your mouth parts, probably to say something but you can't be too sure right now. If someone walked in, they would think you guys are about to kiss. Maybe you are... you want to kiss him.

With your heart pounding in your ears, you slowly lean forward, keeping your eyes on his lips. They look too good not to look at but you're also scared of seeing the look in his eyes, the potential disgust that might be taking over at the thought of your lips touching his.

Everything is moving in slow motion. From your hand caressing his cheek to the moment your lips make contact. He's stiff against you and you can only imagine that it's because he's uncomfortable. You start to pull away, dreading the awkward conversation you're about to have but San is quick. His hand grips your thigh and he's kissing you back with fervor.

Your head is spinning, Is this really happening? These sparks you're feeling all over your body, does he feel the same way? You push away any thoughts you're having, trying to focus on keeping up with San. You needed to enjoy this moment. Without realizing it, you swing your leg and straddle San's lap. He groans underneath you but before you can question it, he's giving you a reassuring squeeze on your waist.

You don't want to take the initiative of going further, but man, your hands are burning to touch his bare skin. Your hands, instead, rest on his shoulders, gripping and releasing every few seconds. As if he was reading your mind, San's hands move to the hem of your shirt and for the first time, you break the kiss.

The second your shirt passes your head, San's moving to kiss your neck, occasionally sucking to leave hickies that are sure to last a whole week. You're breathless, taking this as a sign to take off San's shirt. Your hands are all over each other, San's going from your cheek to unbuttoning your jeans, your fingers feeling his abs contract under your touch.

It feels like a flash. San suddenly laying you down on your bed, both of your clothes littered behind you on the floor, his lips still on your neck. It's only when he's about to insert himself does he stop and look at you with dark eyes. He doesn't give you enough time to question it, pushing himself inside you. You both gasp at the feeling.

"Fuck, you're so tight!" He grips your hip with one hand, the other holding the headboard like his life depends on it. He feels like he'll burst any second.

You're right there with him though, the mere feelings of this moment making you sensitive. "You're just big. Holy shit!"

It takes him a second, taking a moment to give both of you a moment to adjust before he moves inside you. You can't contain the sounds coming out of you as he hits all the right spots with ease. You couldn't have pegged San to have this big of a dick, yet here he was.

Before you can realize it, your hands are finding purchase on his back and your nails are sinking into his skin. He hisses above you but his thrusts get harsher and the moaning in your ear doesn't get any quieter.

"You feel so good... so warm and tight for me." He's practically whimpering into your neck. You try to keep your cool, trying not to cum so fast but he's hitting that spot inside you with ease.

Your nails dig into him deeper, "S-san," You stutter out. "Close... so close."

"I know... but you gotta wait for me. Can you do that?" His thrusts get faster and deeper, you don't even comprehend his words properly.

"Can you do that for me, pretty girl? Be a good girl for me?" He's using both hands to clench onto the headboard now, the force making it harder to not cum. You just nod and wrap your legs around his waist. San is drilling into you with so much force and he's hoping that the bed isn't going to break. After a few more thrusts, he starts to get sloppy, and your vision's crossing.

"Alright, beautiful. Cum for me." He grunts out, trying not to cum at the feeling of you clenching around him. You finally let the waves of pleasure course through you, seeing stars. If you were lucid, you most definitely would have been embarrassed by the noises coming out of your mouth and your pussy.

With a loud sigh, San pulls out of you and releases onto your stomach. Almost immediately, he’s up and cleaning you, you’re body’s too tired to do anything but lay there. You’re surprised, because instead of leaving, San lays next to you, even going as far as pulling you close to him.

You have so much on your mind but you're too tired now.

____

This goes on for weeks. Sometimes you would hang out. Sometimes do other things. Everything happened so fast. The friendship that you held so dear had become a muddled mess of lust and confusion. You obviously still had feelings for San but you had no idea where he stood.

You'd never even talked about the first time you guys had sex. When you woke up he was gone and when you saw each other again, he acted like nothing had happened. You didn't want to be that clingy girl who expected a relationship so you never brought it up. Now you're in this endless cycle of sleeping with each other and never addressing the elephant in the room.

What didn't help was how San was acting differently. He was much more touchy with you, always having to touch you in some way whenever you were together. His hand on your thigh, holding your hand, arm around your shoulder, he did it all. Before the incident, you would have considered him touchy but that's nothing compared to him now.

Your hangouts started to become more elaborate as well. You guys were actually going out to movies instead of watching Netflix at your house. Small coffee shop hangouts started becoming intimate dinners. It was like you guys were dating. These dates gave you hope that he would eventually open up and ask you out properly but you didn't want to force it out of him. So, you just decided to go with whatever he wanted.

"Let's go ice-skating." The handsome man suggested his left-hand steering and his right hand on your thigh.

"You know I can't ice-skate." You deadpan, getting distracted by your fingers playing with his.

He glances at you with a honey-sweet smile before bringing his eyes back to the road. "I can teach you, ya know."

"Please, you just want to see me fall so you can laugh at me."

"That too."

San taught you how to ice-skate for maybe ten minutes. After that, he decided that it would be best to let you learn through trial and error.

"San, I'm literally gonna fall on my face!" You cried, your legs shaking as you attempted to walk on the ice.

"You're doing great. Just try skating to me." He held out his hand for you. Every time you got even remotely close to him, however, he would slowly start backing up. You were struggling around the rink but he made sure to sprinkle in encouragements so you wouldn't be too mad at him.

Just when you thought you were doing good, you got too cocky and propelled yourself towards San, wanting so desperately to close that gap. Your feet weren't pointed straight enough causing your left skate to hit your right, tripping you onto the ice.

"Holy shit, y/n! Are you alright?" San appears in front of you with seconds. Helping you up with ease. Your knees ache and you could feel the bruise forming on your hip.

“Did you not see me eat shit?” You bark out, now gripping his arm for dead life.

“I did but it’s always polite to ask.” You slap his arm playfully as he guides you off the ice and onto the benches. “Are you actually okay?”

You shook your head and pouted like a child. San chuckled to himself, seeing right through you. Instead of saying anything, he pecked your lips innocently and took a seat next to you. It was the first time he’s kissed you in public which only confused you further. Is he doing this on purpose? You really had to ask him.

You’re too lost in your thoughts to see San staring at you. It’s not until he’s moving a piece of hair out of your face that you’re snapped out of your thoughts. You jolt slightly and hum at him in response. He just shakes his head and returns his gaze to the people skating.

It was your turn to stare at him, to memorize his features for the nth time. He’s just as beautiful as he was two seconds ago and the butterflies are still strong. You open your mouth to question him about your relationship, finally building up the courage just when…—

“San? Is that you?” You freeze. Her, you think. That manipulative bitch.

“Areum?” San stands as if he’s been caught doing something bad like a child. She offers him a warm smile, completely disregarding you as always. You feel like you did during the concert. His eyes are no longer on you… but trained on her. You feel that distance he created on the ice growing bigger and bigger.

“What’re you doing here?” The man asks, still shocked to see her.

“Ah, I was just walking around.” The nerve of this girl to act like she didn’t do anything wrong. “What’re you doing here?” Her eyes land on you but she quickly looks back at him.

You stand this time. “We’re…” Don’t say it. Don’t be petty. Don’t say it. Don’t say it. “On a date.” You entwine your arm with San’s.

Areum’s lip twitches in annoyance. “Oh?” She quirks a brow and glances at San. “Is this true?”

San freaks out without thinking and shakes his arm from yours. “No!— I mean like a friendly date, sure. We’re just hanging out like old times.”

There’s your answer.

His ex smiles with victory at your defeated state. “Well, we should catch up, San. I know we ended things on a bad note but I think we should talk.”

The car ride home was awfully silent. Usually, they were filled with laughter and off-key singing but tonight, you gave San short answers in his poor attempt to talk. When you entered your apartment, you told him you were going to bed early and that he should lock up when he leaves.

Instead, you feel his warm body climb into your bed and hold you at 12 am. As always, you didn’t tell him to leave. Because, as always, you couldn’t say no to Choi San.

____

You wake up and San's not next to you but there is a text.

San : Sorry I didn't want to wake you but I left to go to practice. It'll probably end late today so if you feel up to it, come hang out. :)

Should you? Maybe it's just better if you pretend like nothing happened. Obviously, that's what he's doing. Besides, it’s not like his bandmates gave you false hope just to reject you in front of their ex. You end up going to the practice, a huge lump in your throat. If you brought up the situation, you're sure that whatever you guys had would be over the second you said anything.

Jongho, the lead singer, greets you with a smile and a nod in your direction as he warms up.

"y/n!" Wooyoung calls out, getting off of his drum stool and engulfing you in a hug.

You giggle on command, loving his enthusiasm. “Wooyoung, why do you always act like we haven’t seen each other for years!”

He smiles and whispers, “Don’t tell the guys I told you, but you’re like… our muse!”

You roll your eyes and pull away from his chest just to look at him, “I think you’re the only one crazy enough to even consider that.”

Wooyoung lets you go completely and returns to his drum set, you follow suit. “Maybe but you’ve been our number one supporter since day one! Plus you’re beautiful and beauty inspires art, does it not?”

Laughter erupts from you again at his cheesiness and your feel an arm wrap around your shoulder. You didn’t have to look to know who it was, the signature cologne giving him away.

“What’s so funny?” San’s smiling but you can tell there’s something different in his tone.

“Just exposing how important y/n is to the band.” Wooyoung sends you a playful wink, your cheeks burning slightly. San forces a laugh, something you don’t notice, before sitting you down on the couch.

After practice was over, you waited outside of the room for San so you could go back to your place. That wasn't the original plan but San insisted. The chilly air made you wrap your arms around yourself, internally scolding yourself over not bringing a jacket.

Wooyoung was the first to come out, fishing his lighter out of his pocket. He wasn't the only cigarette smoker in the group but he was definitely the one that smoked the most. He grinned at the sight of you, resting his hand in his pocket instead.

"Why're you waiting out here? It's cold as hell."

"Yeah... But I didn't want to get in your guys' way." You rubbed your hands up and down your arms trying to create heat. Wooyoung took off his jacket and wrapped it around you without hesitation. "A true gentleman." You remarked.

He put his hand on his chest, his face contorting to look hurt. "I've always been a gentleman. Even when I'm freezing my ass off."

Your eyes widened, ready to give the jacket back. "Woah there, missy. I gave it to you for a reason. We don't want our muse to die of hypothermia." The joke makes you laugh lightly. "You waiting on San?"

You nod, staring at the ground and rocking back and forth on the balls of your feet. “It’s been a lot of waiting recently.” You accidentally confess.

“Uh oh.” He leans against the wall. "I noticed something was different."

"What do you mean?" You hear your heartbeat through your ears and you find it hard to breathe all of a sudden.

"You guys are a lot closer... You guys are best friends, sure, but the air's been different between you two. He still doesn't notice how you look at him."

You scoff, "That obvious, huh?"

"To everyone but him, it seems. Can I be honest?" Wooyoung rolls to face you. You nod, now looking at him. "Unless you tell him how you feel, you'll be doing nothing but waiting on him."

"But our friendship-"

"If you're about to tell me that it's enough for you, so help me God, y/n, I will kick your ass." You laugh for the first time since the conversation started. You understand what you have to do. You guys have already crossed so many boundaries and clearly, he feels something for you, right?

The door to the practice room swings open and this time it's Yeosang and San. San's bright smile seems to falter as his eyes instantly land on the jacket that's wrapped around you. His eyes shift between you and the drummer then he strides to you, grabbing your wrist.

"Let's go?" You don't have time to answer. San's practically ripping the jacket off of you and throwing it at Wooyoung who barely catches it. This time, you don't miss the change in his tone. He replaces Wooyoung's jacket with his hoodie, not saying a word as he puts it on you.

Just like the night before, the tension in the car is thick but unlike last night, it's you who's trying to spark a conversation. San's knuckles are turning white as he drives and it's starting to worry you. You've never seen San this upset before and you're still trying to place the reasoning. Was it jealousy?

You pull up to the house, expecting him to follow you like he always does but he doesn't. Instead, he leaves the engine running and his eyes on the street. For some reason, this sets you off. This man had the audacity to pull away from you, act like you were just a friend in front of the ex that cheated on him, but gets jealous over you casually talking to another guy?

You scoff and unbuckle your seatbelt, stepped out of the car, and slammed the door shut. San was feeling extra temperamental tonight. He couldn't understand why he felt like this either. Maybe he was looking for a fight. He turned off the engine and followed you inside. Before you could close and lock the door, he stepped into your house.

"What is your problem?" You asked venomously.

"What is your problem?"

"I didn't have any problem until you decided to get all confusing!" You dropped your tote bag on the floor, turning to face him fully.

"I'm confusing? Are kidding me?" He huffs out, running a hand through his hair in frustration.

"Actually, I'm not. You've been driving me nuts since we started hooking up. I'm over it!" His lip twitches into a sarcastic smile. "What the fuck was that with your ex? You completely pushed me aside. She treated you like shit, remember? She cheated, she lied, and she manipulated you. Do you want to get back to-"

"You're not my girlfriend, y/n!" He cut you off. "God, it's like you don't know your place." Tears pricked your eyes but you felt more angry than sad. Angry, you've never felt this way with San before. You're experiencing a lot of firsts tonight. San immediately realizes what he said, how hurt you were. He took a step closer to you but you put up your hands, putting up your boundaries for the first time.

"No, you're right. It's not like you hold my hand wherever we go or put your hands on my waist in public. You don't smile at me sweetly during dates. We're not completely vulnerable with each other, telling each other things we'd never breathe to others. It's not like we fuck almost every day! Do friends do what we do? Please, enlighten me. What's my place?"

"I'm sorry, y/n. I shouldn't have-" You're full-on bawling now, sucking in breaths where you can.

"I can't believe I've loved you for so long. I've torn my heart out for you and you just... you just throw it back at me like it's nothing!" His mouth opens but nothing comes out, instead he wraps his arms around you. You react once you feel him, trying to fight him off but he's stronger, trying to calm you down by hugging you.

You're screaming, all the feelings you've held inside bursting out of you, "Why can't you let me in?" You start to pound on your chest even though you know you shouldn't. You don't even notice that he's crying too. "Why can't it be me for once? Let it be me!"

"I'm sorry," He coos. You couldn't hold yourself up anymore, your feelings making it hard to focus. San catches you though, guiding you to sit on the floor.

San does his best to understand what you're saying through your sobs. He wants to understand what he's feeling. He thought he was doing this to get over Areum but why was he doing all the other things? He could've just stuck to the bare minimum but he didn't. Better question, how had he not noticed your feelings?

San was so caught in his thoughts that he hadn't noticed you had cried yourself to sleep. He was holding your head to his chest and he sighed, finally relaxing a bit. He couldn't really relax though, his mind still processing what you had said. He carried you bridal style to your room and thanking God that you had exhausted yourself.

San tucked you in and, after some hard debating, decided to lay in bed with you. He made sure that he wasn't touching you even though he knew he was going to leave before you woke up. He sighed to himself.

Even as you slept you were beautiful and he beat himself up for only now noticing how exhausted you looked. The man never understood why he was so willing and ready to sleep with you. He could acknowledge that there was steaming sexual tension but he never thought it would get this far. Nevertheless, you guys were in this situation; the very foggy area between friends and more.

Is this how you felt, absolutely terrified? You guys certainly couldn't go back to being friends after everything that's happened between you two. San's body started to shake as he silently cried. He couldn't even comprehend how much pain he's put you through these last few months.

____

You're not surprised to find your bed empty the next day; you wouldn't be surprised if San had sent you a message ending your friendship and promptly blocking you. You stare at your ceiling with tears already prickling your eyes. You weren't going to check your phone for texts. You just went to work.

The day went by fast, your boss giving you plenty of work to distract yourself. You were doing just fine until you pulled up to your apartment to find Wooyoung waiting to knock on your door.

"Wooyoung?" The man turned around, almost like a deer in headlights.

"Oh- Hey!" He quickly put his hands in his jean pockets. You walked to your door silently, unlocking the front door and inviting him in.

“What can I help you with?” You try to be casual even though all you’re thinking about is San and how you know Wooyoung’s here to soothe whatever problem you guys are having.

“I’m gonna cut to the chase. Talk to San. It’s only been a day of you two fighting and all of us are tired of him sulking.”

“What are you even talking about?”

“He came into practice looking all down and he didn’t talk to any of us. He just went through practice barely saying ten words throughout the whole thing.”

"How do you know this has something to do with me?"

“… Do I look blind to you? Everyone knows something’s going on between you two.” Wooyoung sighs and runs his hands through his hair. “Look, I don’t know what happened but I’m sure it was probably his fault. I’m not saying you should forgive him right away but just talk to him. Please?”

——

So now, here you are, outside his door. You took in a deep breath before knocking hard on his door. You couldn’t muster the courage to ask if he was home but there was no practice so you hoped for the best.

The door unlocked within a few minutes. “y/n?”

“H-Hi,” You stuttered out, feeling the weight on your shoulders get heavier. “Can I come in?”

San gestures you inside and you take a seat on his couch. There’s an awkward silence when he joins you and you can’t recall any other time it’s been like this. It was so easy to talk to San before but now you can’t even form a sentence.

“So—“

“What’d—“

You said at the same time.

“You first.” San breathed.

“I just figured we had a lot to talk about.”

"Right..." He brushed off his legs with a sigh.

"I like you, San- actually, I'm in love with you. I've been in love with you for so long and we slept together and it got messy. We've never talked about what we were after that night. You just made me a rebound and I turned the other way..."

His eyes burnt into your face and you were too scared to meet them. "I'm sorry. I never meant to put you in that kind of situation. I shouldn't have been so selfish. I didn't think about the way you were feeling."

San's warm hand grabs yours. "I'm so sorry that it's taken me so long to see how you feel about me. I'm so sorry I said that you didn't know where your place was. Your place..." He takes a big deep breath, making you look at him, "Your place is right next to me. I lost you for one day and in that one day, I've realized what you really mean to me. I'm in love with you, y/n."

He places his hand on your cheek, wiping away a tear you didn't even notice. You're falling apart at his touch but you were so happy that he felt the same way and- Oh my god! Choi San was in love with you!

"You just said you were in love with me." You breathed, a smile breaking out on your lips.

"I did, didn't I?" He chuckles, closing the distance between your faces. Your breath hitches. "Are you going to give me a chance to love you for real this time?"

Your heart is going to burst and you don't really give it much thought.

"Yes."

#ateez smut #ateez angst #choi san #san #san x reader #kim hoongjoong #jung wooyoung #park seonghwa #kang yeosang #jeong yunho #choi jongho #song mingi #mingi #jongho #wooyoung #yunho #yeosang #hoongjoong #seonghwa

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everafterkeiji · 3 years

Text

Song: Cheater by The Vamps

Summary: Kuroo's skills in reading a game has been expanded when he meets your boyfriend.

Pairings: Tetsuro Kuroo x fem! reader

Word count: 3.3k

Content, tags: mentions of cheating, a few cuss words, childhood friends to lovers!

A/N: this was such an impulsive moment🧍 Kuroo has been consuming my brain so here ya go fellow simps

“Am I obligated to?”

“It was his request, Tetsu.”

Kuroo groans while you stare at him wondering what’s so wrong about meeting with your boyfriend. He sees your clueless reaction but he sets it aside knowing you wanted this to happen in the first place. Although you didn’t push him, your boyfriend insisted. It was a sweet gesture because he took the time to understand that Tetsuro to you is just a friend and nothing else. Disregarding his jealousy of the intimidating volleyball player, he initiated the hang out.

Meanwhile, the proud captain was loathing the hours before he could even step into your boyfriend's house.

If you could pick one of the words to describe Kuroo, obviously one of them is self-aware.

Which is the antonym of what you have under your own dictionary.

Kuroo always puts his best during a match and he wasn’t looked upon for no reason. Of course, he’s observant out of the court too. So, when that boyfriend of yours came in to the picture—he wasn’t exactly keen on befriending him. All he can do is accept whatever that decision was because he did catch multiple glances where you were smiling and maybe seeing that put him at ease making him less worried with your relationship.

But his intuition is stronger than the actual belief that your boyfriend is all too good.

Besides, as a best friend, it was technically his job to be suspicious of the boy.

“I’ll go over there after practice.” You smile at his words before linking your arm with his as you both walk to your class.

“Hey, by Saturday can we play again?” You asked him while he looks down on you with a chuckle, loving that you had to ask even when you didn’t need to do.

“Why’d you ask anyway? Of course.”

It was admirable that your path of being with each other actually started with volleyball. At the age of 9 after a ball fled into your yard from the Kozume residence, Kuroo had knocked politely on the wall asking if he could get the ball back. Seeing that the wall felt like a building to you, you took the ball out of curiosity before going over to the place next door and handing him the ball.

Wherein Kuroo had to pause when he saw you.

Ever since then, you played volleyball with the two. You three joined Nekoma’s volleyball teams, even practicing together. You were thankful to have them not only they were tremendous at play but also, they were your most trusted friends and their judgement is always important. So, when you got into a relationship—it was a mix of everything.

Kenma was subtly supportive. He knew you were capable of picking what you deserve and if that boy doesn’t cause any trouble, then the setter is all for it. Kuroo, on the other hand, was hesitant.

If only he wasn’t in love with you—then maybe he could’ve given the poor boy some sign of approval.

After years of falling, his chances were already taken the moment you said your feelings were growing for a certain boy from your class. Though you were classmates with Kuroo, he eyed every boy that could be the suspect. At first, he was just curious because he hasn’t seen you interact with them before but then the second time was more on the worried side when he wondered what could’ve been missing from him that he had to find in another guy for answers.

Kenma had to assure him at some point. The blonde noticed Kuroo’s feelings ever since he saw the older boy teach you volleyball without him. He could evidently see the blush on his friends face whenever you’d land a compliment to Tetsuro. It even surprised Kenma when he knew Kuroo was still attached to his feelings after years of knowing you. He at least needed to say something before it takes a toll on him.

“You’re actually going, it’s funny.” The setter mocks though the blocker knew what he meant. How can he agree this easily anyway? He knew it’d make you happy but making room for someone after a practice instead of resting isn’t really a good circumstance.

“I know, I know. I’d be home in the next five minutes.” Kuroo jokes but when the practice finally ends, he kept his attention to his phone when he received the message for his location. He sighs tiredly while Kenma stifles a laugh.

“Don’t go then.”

“As if that wasn’t my plan beforehand.” Kenma rolls his eyes but bids goodbye to Kuroo knowing they’re not able to walk home together.

God, he was irritated.

It was rather a small thing to be pissed off about. Who knows? It could end well with the two of them but that stupid intuition is what’s dragging his feet. How could he ignore it anyway? Murmurs were like rumors that spread like wildfire when gossip has never been this good so when he heard a tiny conversation of a certain girl meeting with your boyfriend—he doesn’t know what held him back from throwing a punch to him right then and there but perhaps it was because you can’t judge too quickly. Rumors were rumors. If he believed it right away then it meant he was feeding off of the possibility that you’d be single again but he doesn’t think like that. His main reason was that he couldn’t bear to see you cry over a guy who simply didn’t deserve an ounce of sympathy—especially from you.

And right at the front of his door, a pair of a cheerleader's shoes were there.

You being a volleyball player and the shoes didn’t exactly connect.

“I’ll see you next time then?”

“Saturday?”

“I can’t. My— Y/N is making me play with her and that captain Kuroo.”

“You said you broke up with her!”

“Look- I will just wait will ya?”

And he’s heard enough.

Go inside, Tetsuro.

Defend Y/N.

Beat him.

But I can’t act on my own.

Gritting his teeth with a tight grip on the sling of his bag, he makes a forced decision.

Kuroo doesn’t even hesitate to walk away now. His pace is way heavier and faster compared to his slow ones before. He wished he carried a volleyball so he could directly throw it to his conniving face. He would’ve hit it like Oikawa during a power serve and scream incoherent profanities as he lands a punch or two. Without Kenma, the possibilities were endless when he couldn’t be held back.

The moment he enters his room, he immediately reaches for his phone and calls for Kenma since the rage was getting out of hand and he can’t focus on anything else apart from beating the heck out of your cheater of a boyfriend- well soon to be ex considering that he could never let you stay with him for another second. He walks around his room wondering which one was the best options to let you know as the setter has yet to answer his call.

“Fuck.” He mutters at the exact same time that Kenma finally picks up.

“What-”

“He’s cheating on Y/N.”

“Well shit.”

Kenma pauses his game once the words ring in his ears. He too feels the anger bubble inside him but soon it was replaced by worry when he realizes how unfortunate it was for Kuroo to be the one to witness it and actually be the person to face you with such a heavy topic.

“How are you gonna tell her?” He asks but Kuroo bites his lip at the question he’s been wanting to avoid. It was inescapable though. You were closer to him—too close that you two relied on each other to no end and would be each other's comfort at needed times. It was difficult for the both of you.

“He’s planning to break up with her on Saturday and she- fuck I don’t know what to do.” The troubled boy admits while Kenma sighs not finding a win in both situations or any of the options he and Kuroo thought of.

“Y/N will believe you. You just have to give her time when she denies it at first, I guess.” Kenma suggests while Kuroo runs a hand to his hair.

“God, I fucking hate him.”

“Who is it?”

“A fucking cheerleader— how low.” Tetsuro couldn’t sit straight. Every inch of his body was telling him to find your boyfriend and show him what a waste of energy he was. It had been three months since you introduced him and how does he gain that much of a confidence to cheat at such an early stage of your relationship? Was three months a normal pace to be bored? Too bored that he chose a cheerleader to make up for that ‘blandness'. God, if Kuroo was in that relationship—cheating could never be an option. How could he? He loved you too much that having a chance wasted like that is too big to risk or experience.

“Talk to him tomorrow.” Kenma says while Kuroo held his breath when he realizes how the tension would reek between him and your boyfriend.

“Yeah but-“

The notification sound on his phone echoed through the room and when he slides up to see whose it from, he sighs when it was from you.

Least annoying: how’d it go???

“Y/N messaged me.” He updates the blonde as his fingers hovered the keyboard wondering what lie was the most believable even if he felt guilty to do so but after deleting multiple answers, he just couldn’t t do it.

“We just have to talk to her tomorrow. I feel like she needs us more now—fucking prick of a boyfriend.” Kenma comments with spite in his voice. It wasn’t the first time where he cared too much that he too wanted to join Kuroo in a fit of rage to beat your boyfriend but Kenma is cautious of your emotions and thinks that when he does join in on the fight, it’d only bring you more stress.

But he can’t lie and say throwing a punch to the lying boy wasn’t going to bring him satisfaction.

“Okay. I have to go and think this through.” He bids goodbye to Kenma before hanging up and lying down on his bed with his mind racing nonstop—forgetting to text you in the midst of panic and rage. You didn’t mind the lack of reply, you knew he wasn’t really interested in going in the first place and he must’ve been exhausted from practice as well so you took a nap early.

Meanwhile, your best friend faced a sleepless night.

Kuroo and Kenma were caught off guard when first period ended and you were yet to arrive.

Does she know?

The break came in and there still wasn’t a sign from you but as they ate, a certain hand falls on Kuroo’s shoulder making the anger between him and Kenma ignite once they see your boyfriend.

“Hey, you didn’t stop by yesterday.” Your boyfriend informs him while Yaku and the rest of the team wonder what’s got their captain looking like he radiated flames around him. Kuroo then removes the hand from his shoulder while Kenma nudges the tense boy from losing control out in the cafeteria.

“I was tired,” he pauses to find words that wouldn’t just expose him right then and there, “I couldn’t make it.”

Your boyfriend nods, a sign that he was thankful that Kuroo didn’t come to destroy the time he shared with the cheerleader.

“Well, we got Saturday to catch up. I’ll see you then!” He leaves with a sigh of relief while Kuroo stands up from his table, unable to contain it anymore but two hands held him back. He turns to see Yaku and Kenma holding his arm as he hesitates to follow what they want him to do. He then takes a deep breath and sits down while the two sighed that Kuroo managed to stop.

“I don’t know what’s happening but you can’t just do it here.” Yaku says making Kuroo remain silent. Kenma agrees but he too felt the urge to follow his furious friend.

“Sorry.” Kuroo whispers and Yaku nods not pushing the topic any further but he’s got a clue on what could’ve happened. Seeing their captain in this state certainly was more than a duel between him and your boyfriend. Of course, they knew about his feelings for you so connecting a few dots, Yaku realizes how bad it was.

Classes went on and still no sign of you making the worry rise more between the two. By the time practice came on, the two expresses their frustration through volleyball and the rest of their teammates wonder why their play that night felt like they were in a serious match.

But they were playing a difficult role of being honest with you.

When Saturday rolled in, Kuroo was already at the place you told him to meet. Beforehand, he warns Kenma not to come knowing it’s more on his responsibility and the blonde obeyed him because he too wasn’t ready to face a confrontation like that but Kenma is more than ready to comfort you once the terrible news was given to you.

“Hey!” You greeted him with a smile while he stands up from his sit and hugs you immediately catching you by surprise. With a laugh, you hugged him back wrapping your arms around his neck as he pulls you closer hesitant to let your smile fall.

Then he notices how you were unaccompanied making him pull away seeing the opportunity to tell you while he wasn’t there but he still wasn’t ready.

“Y/N-”

“Hey babe, didn’t know you were already here but let’s play some volleyball!” He shouts with a façade of excitement. You smile at Kuroo before staying by his side instead of teaming up with your own boyfriend.

“One versus two huh?” Your boyfriend taunts while you serve the ball as he receives, initiating the start of the game. Every spike or receive had Kuroo send knives to his way with his sharp and accusing eyes. The lonesome of a player envied the way Kuroo caught the ball effortlessly and because you chose to be with the opposing team making the rally last longer due to Kuroo’s rage and your boyfriends' jealousy.

Once you managed to spike a ball strong enough to make your boyfriend fall from the failed attempt of receiving it, you cheered.

But with the course of happiness, you pulled Kuroo in from the collar of his shirt before taking your lips in his while your boyfriend remains frozen as the boy who was stupidly in love only made the rightful choice which was to kiss back and cherish the way he’s waited for this to happen. Getting a little too lost in the kiss, he cups your cheek bringing you closer and tucking your hair behind your ear with his free hand snaking around your waist, gripping it lightly to make sure it was actually happening.

You pull away softly, flushed cheeks and a smile on your face.

“What the hell Y/N!” Your boyfriend shouts but then he couldn’t exactly move because of how Tetsuro would react once he actually takes a step forward. Kuroo had his arms crossed in front of his chest staring at the boy up and down while desperately trying to act like his knees weren’t just about to give out after what happened.

“What’s wrong? If you need some kisses babe, why don’t you call that cheerleader of yours?”

Kuroo’s jaw drops to the floor—almost in sync with your boyfriend's similar reaction. The sweat rolls down his forehead, obviously intimidated by the two of you catching him in the act while Tetsuro protectively wraps his arm around you once again and as he watches for your features to fall, he was stunned.

You were smiling.

You leaned on Kuroo’s side while he registers how you knew with questions multiplying with every second.

“I want you to leave me the fuck alone and if you even try to deny it—I'll let Tetsu do the talking for me.” He smirks while your boy- ex boyfriend- scoffs making the two of you raise an eyebrow at his reaction.

You removed your position from Kuroo, taking a few steps to be in front of the cheater with a smile as you land a deserving and powerful punch to his cheek, making him stumble at the impact while the other boy was left speechless but nonetheless his heart races with the scene replaying in his mind. You shake your hand as Kuroo crouches down to meet your boyfriend with a smirk mocking the pain he was in.

“Have fun with her— she's a bore anyway.” You look at Tetsuro who let out a laugh as he pats the head of the fallen loser.

“No problem then. I’ll enjoy her as much as I can.” He then walks away, which turned down your expectations of Kuroo landing a punch as well. As the frustrated boy slowly stands up, Tetsuro pulls you against him with a finger to your chin raising it to meet your lip with his as your eyes remained on him while the boy had his eyes do the taunting who were fixated on your ex.

“After all, she’s always been mine.”

With the end of his sentence, he shifts his attention back to you before taking your lips again as the two of you smile. Your ex then walks away with a scowl as he throws his phone in frustration that he lost to Kuroo.

“Mind telling me how you knew, kitten?” He asks when he pulled away with his voice low, taking your heart by a storm.

“I got sick yesterday and when I came to school to get all the work I missed— I overheard you and Kenma talking about it.” He frowns when he realizes how bitter that must’ve been but he continues to ask, though you really couldn’t concentrate when his hand was caressing your waist.

“So, you knew all along?”

“I knew about it a few weeks ago when I read the messages on his phone. When he asked you to hang out, I figured you’d find out about it too.” Kuroo sighs of disappointment before speaking.

“I’m sorry you had to meet an asshole like that,” He says while you shook your head before he continues, “Why him though?” which made you blush.

“I couldn’t get over a certain boy and simply thought it would work but you obviously saw the outcome.” With your previous statement, he lets a smirk fall on his lips now that you couldn’t even look at him straight.

“And that certain boy is?” He edged on, his heart pushing him to confirm if it was actually him— that all the years he spent loving you might actually have you reciprocating those feelings.

“It’s you.” You confessed while your heart sets on fire that you finally admitted it. It was an awful attempt to cover your feelings in the first place. In all honesty, it was your fault. If you could’ve just admitted it right away then you’d end up with him instead of the asshole of a man you wasted time on but then again—the kiss was worth it to ever change your decisions.

“No no I wanna hear the full name.” He teases more making you roll your eyes. He then plants a kiss on the crown of your head with a satisfied smile as he internally cheers to not embarrass himself with the overwhelming glee. You also mirror the same state that he was in. Hearing Kuroo at the gym say how much he loves you was enough of an evidence that you should’ve picked him in the first place.

“Well then, should I make my previous statement official now?” You blushed but muttered a yes making Kuroo smile and take your hand, landing a peck on it as he intertwines them with his.

“All yours, Tetsu.”

#haikyu x reader #haikyuu!!#kuroo x y/n #kuroo x reader #kuroo x you #hq kuroo #kuroo testuro #tetsuro kuroo #haikyuu kenma #kenma kozume

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watchyourbluesturngolden · 3 years

Note

Harry forget a special date night with his girl because his ex calls him. He don’t have feelinhs for his ex but he don’t wanna be rude so he answer and forget everything. After a week of silence he give his girl a big suprise to make everything alright

okkkkk this got really long on accident oops :) i wasn’t really sure how i wanted this to go, and i got slightly off track of your request? but i hope you like it!

make it up

warnings: angst, relationship fights

word count: 4k

You huffed in frustration, checking your phone for the tenth time tonight. You wanted to give Harry the benefit of the doubt, you really did. Maybe he was stuck in traffic. Maybe his producer had told him he absolutely had to stay late and finish some last minute work. Maybe he had gotten in an accident and his mangled car was laying at the bottom of a ravine somewhere. Maybe his phone had died.

The more excuses you tried to come up with, the more you realized what had really happened. He had forgotten. He had forgotten the date you had been planning together for weeks now, the one to celebrate the end of his tour. The one he had been talking about constantly, smiling about how excited he was to finally have you to himself for a few hours. Of course, he was incredibly grateful to his entire team and everyone who made his dreams reality, but sometimes he just wanted to sit down to a nice meal with you.

The two of you had barely had a second alone together since he got home a month ago. You had expected things to back to normal soon after he got home, but unfortunate that was far from what happened. You didn’t know there was so much for him to do after the tour was officially over. He still had to attend countless meetings with his team, discussing what things went well and what didn’t. He had to sit through hours and hours of interviews, answering questions that you really didn’t think were important. He just had to do so much; from how little you saw him, it felt like he was still halfway across the world.

The more minutes passed by, the more hope you lost. You had been fully dressed and ready, sitting at the kitchen table for over an hour now. He was supposed to be home at exactly 5, giving him enough time to get ready and make it to the 6:30 reservation at your favorite restaurant.

It was currently 6:10, and there was no sign of him. You had called him three times and sent at least 10 texts. This wasn’t like him. Even when he was busy, he always made time to shoot you a quick text to assure you he was okay and not ignoring you. But not tonight. Tonight, there was complete radio silence. Since Harry wasn’t answering, there was only one other person you knew to contact.

“Y/N, hi! Is everything ok?”

“Hi Sarah! Yeah, I’m fine, why?”

“Well, Harry got a text during one of the meetings. Apparently it was urgent, because he rushed out of there right away. Didn’t even say what it was about. We thought it was you.”

“Uh- no, no I haven’t heard from him at all. When was this?”

“4:30.”

“Oh,” you felt like the wind had been knocked out of you. So he wasn’t ignoring you because he was in a meeting; he hadn’t been in a meeting for almost two hours.

“Y/N, I’m sure there’s a good explanation,” Sarah comforted.

“Maybe,” you bit your lip. “But why is he ignoring me?”

“...I don’t know,” she admitted. “Maybe he’s not by his phone. I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about, Y/N.”

“You’re probably right,” you sighed. “Thanks for letting me know.”

“Of course, anytime. Text me when he gets in. He’s an idiot for leaving you out of things, but I still want to make sure he’s ok.”

“I know how you feel,” you smiled sadly. “I will. Goodnight.”

-----

“So, I think the biggest thing we need to figure out is the merchandise. Harry, if you could get a head start on picking colors, maybe thinking of designs? Or if you could-”

She was cut off by Harry’s phone dinging loudly. He sighed silently in relief, smiling apologetically as he pulled it out of his pocket. He had been trying to pay attention, he really had. He just couldn’t concentrate on anything. All he could thing about was how he would be home soon, kissing the love of his life and finally having some time together with you. He could tell his absence had been hard on you, even though you tried to convince him you were ok. He knew it hadn’t been easy for you, because it had been absolute torture for him. He loved touring, he truly did. He loved the adrenaline rush of performing for thousands of people. He loved traveling; seeing new things and meeting ne people. He loved his job. But it was incredibly difficult to be away from you for so long. He hated not being able to hold you whenever he felt like it. He hated waking up alone in a different country every week. He hated only getting to see you for a few hours on a Skype call every week. He hated being in a different time zone, constantly playing phone tag and replying to messages hours after they had been sent.

So, when his phone went off, he reached for it quickly, hoping to see a text from you. He was unpleasantly surprised.

Lucille: We need to talk

Harry frowned. He hadn’t heard from his ex girlfriend in almost a year, since before he met you. They had broken up even before that, but they had remained friends. He quickly texted back.

Harry: Is everything ok?

Lucille: it’s urgent. Meet met at the coffee shop?

Harry knew exactly what place she was referring to. The quaint little shop had been their favorite place when they were together. It was fairly secluded from the street and not well known, so Harry wouldn’t be hounded by fans and paparazzi.

Harry: I’m in a meeting, and I’m not free tonight. Are you ok?

Lucille: it’s an emergency. Please come right now.

Harry’s eyes went wide. He didn’t still have feelings for her, but she was a friend. He didn’t know what was wrong, but he would feel awful if something bad happened and he had refused to help.

He was pulled out of his thoughts when Mitch spoke.

“Harry, what happened? Is it Y/N?”

“Uh- I have to go,” Harry said, abruptly standing up and leaving the room.

-----

“Lucille?” He asked, looking around the little shop.

“Harry, I’m so glad you came,” she smiled up at him from their table in the back corner. He made his way over to her, concern on his face.

“Did something happen? Are you ok?”

“I’m fine, I just... I need to talk to you.”

“Lucille, why would you do that? I thought something horrible happened,” Harry sighed, sitting in the seat across from her.

“I didn’t think you’d come if you weren’t worried,” she explained, stirring her coffee.

Harry resisted the urge to roll his eyes. She had always been dramatic, and not in a good way.

“What is it then? Why do you need to talk to me?”

She didn’t respond, she just pushed the second coffee cup toward him.

“It’s your favorite,” she smiled.

“Thanks,” he took a small sip, grimacing slightly. His taste had changed since he met you. He couldn’t stand black coffee anymore. He reached for a sugar packet, ignoring the shocked look on her face as he mixed it into the dark liquid.

“Really, Lucille, why am I here?”

She sighed, setting down the stir stick.

“I think you know why.”

“I really don’t,” he said sincerely, looking up from his cup. “You said it was an emergency, but you seem completely fine.”

“I’m not fine, Harry. I’m in love.”

“That’s good!” he said, completely misunderstanding the look on her face. “I’m glad you’ve found someone.”

“No, Harry,” she sighed. “I’m in love... with you.”

He drew back, slightly shocked at her words. “What do you mean?”

“Exactly what I said. I’m still in love with you, and I think you love me too.”

“Lucille-“

She cut him off. “No, Harry listen. Why would you come here if you weren’t? Why would you drop everything, leave a meeting, and come to a random coffee shop to meet me? You said you weren’t free tonight, but here you are.”

“Because you’re my friend!” He exclaimed. “You said it was an emergency, I couldn’t just ignore you. But I’m with Y/N, and we are very happy together. Speaking of her...”

He pulled his phone out of his pocket, wincing when he saw the time.

5:37. Y/N’s going to kill me.

“Lucille, I have to go. I was supposed to be home at 5.” He stood up, ready to rush home. He felt terrible for being late and he prayed he would be able to move their reservation back an hour or two.

“Oh, so she’s that controlling?” She asked, her voice laced with condescension.

“No,” he quickly shut her down. “We have plans tonight.”

Her face fell and she looked crushed. “Please don’t leave.”

“Lucille-“

“Please,” her voice lowered to a whisper and she looked like she was about to cry. He sighed, sinking back into his seat.

“What do you want from me?”

“I want you to love me,” she looked quickly with tears on her face. “Like you used to.”

“I’m sorry, Lucille. We broke up. We aren’t together anymore. I’m with Y/N now,” he repeated his sentence from earlier. He pulled out his phone again, ready to text Y/N that he would be a few minutes late. He knew she would be upset, but at least she would know he was okay. His plan was wrecked, however, when his phone didn’t light up immediately. He tried again, jaw clenching when he realized it was dead.

“Ok, I really have to go. I can’t text Y/N to let her know I’m okay, so she’ll be worried.”

“Don’t!” She cried out, getting the attention of the few others in the shop. “She’s not as good as me. She doesn’t love you like I do! I’m better than her.”

Harry took a deep breath, trying very hard to stay calm. “Don’t speak about her like that.”

“It’s true! We were so good together, Harry, don’t you remember?” She leaned forward, grasping his hand in hers. “Don’t you want that back?”

“No,” he pulled away. “I don’t. I love Y/N. I’m sorry if that upsets you, but it’s the truth, and I have to go.”

She grabbed him again, her sad face turning angry. “You will regret leaving me, Harry. I know all your secrets. I can spill things that will ruin you.”

“What, you’re blackmailing me into breaking up with Y/N?”

“Yes,” she said smugly.

“Fine. Do it. I don’t care.”

Her face fell. “What do you mean?”

“Ruin my reputation. I have Y/N, someone who loves me for who I really am, and not what the press is saying about me. That’s something you two don’t have in common. Now if you’ll excuse me,” he stood up, her hand falling away. “I have somewhere to be.”

-----

You had given up. You had changed out of your dress and into your pajamas. You were sitting on the couch, holding a book that you weren’t really reading. You were just waiting for Harry to come back. He better have a really good explanation.

Just then, you heard his key in the lock of the door. You sat up straighter, not taking your eyes off the book. You didn’t respond when you heard him call your name. You kept your head down, eyes glued to the book.

“Y/N,” he said, cautiously walking toward you. “I’m so sorry.”

“You’re alive, then?” You said quietly, not looking at him.

“I’m sorry-”

You didn’t let him finish. You stood up, still not looking at him as you walked out of the room. He followed you as you made your way up the stairs and to the guest room.

“Y/N, what are you-”

“I’m sleeping in here tonight,” you said, stepping into the room and shutting the door behind you.

You heard a quiet knock on the door before his voice came again. “Please open the door.”

“Just leave me alone, Harry,” you said, pulling back the covers and climbing into the bed.

You hadn’t locked the door, but you realize you probably should have when you heard it softly click open.

“Go away,” you sighed, laying on your side and facing away from him.

“Please let me explain,” he said, sounding desperate.

“Not right now.”

“Y/N, just-”

“Harry,” you said harshly, cutting him off. “Please. Leave me alone.”

-----

The next few days were very unpleasant. You refused to speak more than three words to Harry. It was all one word answers and leaving the room as soon as he walked in.

You wouldn’t even stay in your bed with him at night. He had tried pulling you into your shared room, begging because “I can’t sleep without you.” You refused, pulling away from him and locking yourself in the guest room. Then he had tried following you in there, looking devastated when you pushed him out.

Finally, Harry had had enough. He couldn’t handle not being able to talk to the love of his life. He needed to talk to you. He needed to tell you all the minuscule details of his day, from what flavor muffin he had for breakfast to what color shoes Mitch had worn that day. He needed to hug you and kiss you and ask you what you wanted for dinner. Most of all, he needed to sleep next to you. He couldn’t take this anymore. He had to take Benadryl every night because he literally could not fall asleep without you.

He knew what he had to do. It’s not like this was some last minute thing, either. He had been planning this for months, since before he left for his tour. There was just a lot of finalizing to do before he could show you. He couldn’t wait anymore, though, so he picked up his phone and called his real estate agent.

-----

Harry followed you into the guest room before you could manage to shut the door behind you.

“Get out,” you said, not looking at him.

“No.”

This made you look up. So far, he had completely respected your wish for privacy, but apparently not anymore.

“Fine, then stay in here, but I’m leaving,” you went back to the door, but he grabbed your wrist before you could open it. You turned around, yanking your arm out of his grasp.

“What do you want?” You asked in frustration.

“I want to talk to you.”

“I don’t think there’s much to say, Harry. You forgot. You were excited- I was excited for this dinner, we were planning it for weeks. Then you forgot. You came home three hours late and you didn’t even let me know if you were ok. You could have been hurt or something, and I wouldn’t have known!”

“My phone died!” He defended himself.

“You could have used someone else’s! Where were you anyways?”

“I was with Lucille,” he said, looking very guilty.

“Oh, lovely! You stood me up to hang out with your ex. That’s just great.”

“That’s not what happened! Will you just let me explain?”

“Fine,” you crossed your arms over your chest.

“I- I have to show you something first.”

Your face twisted in confusion. “What is it?”

“Uh- you have to come with me.”

“No, Harry. Tell me.”

“I can’t,” he said sincerely. “It’s- please trust me, and come with me.”

“Trust you? What reason have you given me to trust you?”

“Y/N, please.”

“Alright,” you sighed. “Where is it?”

“We have to drive there.”

“Harry, it’s ten o’clock at night. I’m not going anywhere right now.” You narrowed your eyes. “You just want to get me in the car so I can’t walk away!”

“No- well, that’s an added bonus, but I promise, I really do have a place to show you.”

You rolled your eyes, dropping your arms back to your sides. “Fine. Do I need to get dressed?”

“No, you’re totally fine,” he promised, looking down at his hoodie you were wearing. Even when you were completely pissed at him, you still wore his clothes. This brought a small smile to his face.

“Come on,” he held out his hand, not wanting to make the first move and upset you. You hesitantly took it, allowing him to lead you out of the house and into the car.

-----

You pulled up in front of the nicest house you had ever seen. The front was illuminated with lanterns and there was a large stone fountain capturing your attention.

“Where are we?” You asked, your confusion momentarily covering your anger.

“Come on,” he ignored your question, climbing out of the car and coming around to open your door. He helped you out, not letting go of your hand when you stood up straight. He walked you closer, an excited smile lighting up his face.

“Harry, seriously, what are we doing here?”

He still didn’t answer. He reached into his pocket, pulling out a key. Your eyes went wide as you began to understand what was going on.

He swung the door open, pulling you inside. You squinted, trying to see where you were as your eyes tried to adjust to the sudden darkness.

His hand found the light switch, flicking it on and washing both of you in the glow of the huge chandelier. You turned to him, your eyes still wide.

“Harry... what did you do?”

Suddenly he looked very shy. He scratched the back of his neck, avoiding your gaze as he looked around the huge room.

“I... kind of... bought a house.”

“You did what?” You sputtered. “You bought this house?”

“I did,” he smiled.

You narrowed your eyes. “Did you buy a house just so I won’t be mad at you anymore? Because if you did, that was the stupidest-“

“No!” He cut you off. “No, that’s not why. I’ve been looking for a long time. A really long time. I’ve had my eye on this one for a few months now, I just figured... this could help me make it up to you.”

You were silent for a few seconds, staring into his eyes. He held his breath, not knowing what was going through your head.

“Are you crazy?”

“A little,” he laughed. “Are you... are you mad? About the house?”

“No,” your face softened when you saw how nervous he looked. “I’m not.”

“That’s good,” he blew out a big breath in relief. “Because it’s, like, 100% ours now. Not much I could’ve done if you were mad about it.”

“Which is why,” you smacked his shoulder. “You’re supposed to house shop with the person you’re going to be living with.”

“I know, everything’s just been so crazy lately. I knew you were stressed and I didn’t want to make anything worse.”

“That’s very thoughtful of you,” you said, stepping closer to him. You hesitantly brought your arms up to wrap around him.

He seemed just as hesitant as you. He hovered his arms above your back, not sure where to put them. You pressed your face into his chest, inhaling his cologne and pressing against him. You hadn’t hugged him in so long. When he felt you relax, he finally put his arms down and hugged you back.

When you finally pulled away, there were tears in your eyes. His face became concerned again, bringing up his hand to wipe his thumb along your waterline.

“Why are you crying?” He asked softly, keeping one arm latched around you like he was scared you would run away.

“Because I’ve been awful to you the past couple of days. I shouldn’t have been so mad in the first place, I should have just listened to you and let you-“

“Wait a minute,” he cut you off. “You had every right to be angry. I promised you I would be home on time. Then I wasn’t, and I didn’t let you know. I was in the wrong here.”

“Maybe, but you didn’t deserve to be treated like I treated you. I never even let you explain where you were.”

“Do you want me to?” He asked.

“If you want to,” you exhaled shakily, trying to contain your tears.

“Like I said before, I was with Lucille- which I know sounds really bad, but just let me explain, yeah?”

You nodded, pulling away and taking his hand. You brought him over to one of the couches in the living room, pushing him gently to sit with his back against the armrest. His legs splayed out across the cushions, and you settled between them with your back against his chest. You leaned your head back, soothed by his rhythmic breathing.

“I was in a meeting and I was bored out of my mind. I got a text and I thought it was you, so I checked it. But it wasn’t you, it was Lucille. She said it was urgent , she needed to see me right then. I told her I couldn’t because I was busy but she kept saying it was an emergency. I didn’t think I could just ignore her, because what if something terrible happened? So I left the meeting and went to the coffee shop. She told me...”

You looked up at his face when he stopped talking. “She told you what?”

“She... said she loves me,” he explained, looking upset. “She freaked out, told me she “knew I loved her too” and that “we could be together again”.

“What... what did you say?” You asked, your voice a little shaky. You knew Harry loved you, but he had been with Lucille for over a year. It didn’t help knowing that Lucille was a beautiful model.

“I told her I was in love with you,” he said quickly, seeing the panic on your face. “I reminded her that she and I broke up a long time ago, and that I’m with you now.”

You relaxed a little, leaning against him again. “Bet she loved hearing that.”

“Oh yeah,” he laughed. “She actually tried to blackmail me into leaving you.”

“What?”

“Yeah, she said if I don’t leave you she’ll spill all my secrets and ruin my reputation.”

“What are you going to do?” You asked worriedly, sitting up to look at him.

“Nothing,” he shrugged.

“What do you mean nothing? Harry, you dated for over a year! What does she have against you?”

“Honestly, not much that I know of. I don’t exactly have any deep dark secrets,” he smiled.

“I guess,” you bit your lip. “Still.”

“Well, what would you suggest I do?” He joked. “Sue her?”

“Maybe, yeah. Defamation and all that.”

“Oh, definitely, I think that’s the way to go.”

“Absolutely,” you laughed, before a serious look came over your face again. “I’m really sorry.”

“No, don’t-“

“Listen to me,” you said, looking into his eyes. “I was wrong to treat you so badly. You didn’t deserve that and I’m sorry.”

“I forgive you,” he leaned forward, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “Will you forgive me?”

“Of course,” you leaned against him again, wrapping your arms around his neck. “Let’s never fight again, ok?”

“Ok,” he smiled. “Now, I don’t know about you, but I’ve not been sleeping at all the past three nights, and I’m about ready to collapse. This house is fully furnished. What do you say we go find our bed?”

“Sounds like a plan.”

#harry styles #harry fanfiction #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles x you fanfiction #harry styles x reader fanfiction #harry styles/you #harry styles/reader #harry styles/reader fanfiction #harry styles/you fanfiction

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superanimeidiot · 3 years

Text

what was supposed to be a teeny tiny drabble (it’s not)

Ok so I was writing Karma’s confrontation with his mother and then THIS scene popped into my head. It doesn’t fit at all in the chapter (it’s supposed to be about Karma and his mom duh) but I really really wanted to write it anyway so I figured I would write the little scene and post it here but THEN it turned into this 2k word monstrosity that was SUPPOSED to be a SMALL SCENE but it decided it was going to make me stay up until 2 AM WRITING IT and it just wouldn’t LEAVE ME ALONE. So yeah I’m kinda sleep deprived and this has only been very lightly proofread and hasn’t gone through nearly as much fine-tuning as I normally put my writing through but it is currently 2:37 AM and I am satisfied with it for now so HERE HAVE THIS SCRAP I HOPE YOU LIKE IT

(also this is set the night Korosensei died. If I’m remembering canon right they killed Korosensei then, like, hid up in their classroom until leaving for graduation? Which is so messed up on so many levels like why did they go straight from a very traumatic event to their graduation without even seeing their families or SLEEPING???? So I hereby declare that, with the whole crisis thing, Kunugigaoka postponed the graduation ceremony and after they killed Korosensei Class E was taken to that government station place I vaguely remember they were taken to in canon and their parents were called to pick them up.)

Karma is curled up in a stiff plastic chair, knees pulled up to his chest, a shock blanket wrapped around his shoulders, and his cellphone clutched between his fingers, when his father finds him. Gakuhou doesn’t say anything. He sits beside Karma in his own stiff plastic chair and watches him, not saying a word.

Karma swallows around the lump that’s been lodged in his throat since Korosensei died. “You don’t have to stay with me,” he says, his voice hoarse from the aforementioned lump. He hasn’t spoken since the mountaintop. That’s why the police wrapped him in the shock blanket. “Mom is on her way.”

“Okay,” his father says, but he doesn’t move.

Karma is too tired to dredge up the familiar anger. He’s too tired for anything. He thinks he’ll be this tired forever - the kind of bone-deep exhaustion that reaches to the soul and weighs his whole body down. He traces a finger across the edge of his phone.

“They’re going to get rid of you,” he says. He doesn’t sound happy, or vindictive, or smug - just very matter-of-fact. “The parents will be out for blood, and they can’t go after the government. You make a very nice scapegoat.”

His father gives a soft exhale that could, charitably, be called a laugh. “Yes,” he agrees. “My days at Kunugigaoka are over. Does that make you happy?” he asks, only mildly curious.

Karma taps a finger against his phone, considering. “If I was a nice person,” he says, slowly, “I would say no.”

Gakuhou does laugh at that. “You’re my son,” he says. “You were never going to be a nice person.”

Karma glares from the corner of his eye, but doesn’t contest it. “It serves you right,” he decides. “After all the crap you pulled in this school, you deserve to be kicked out on your ass.”

Gakuhou nods. “A fair assessment.”

They sit in silence, neither comfortable nor uncomfortable. Karma’s phone buzzes with a text from his mother, telling him they’re fifteen minutes away but traffic might delay them. Karma wonders what kind of traffic could possibly exist at this hour, then realizes the traffic that occurs after major, life-altering events. He sends back a thumbs up emoji. His hands, unoccupied once more, begin to tap a staccato beat against the back of his cell.

His father remains absolutely still in his chair, no signs of nervous movement or absentminded tics. Clearly, Karma’s restless nature was not inherited from him. He seems content to sit with Karma in silence, but Karma, suddenly, is not.

“Why are you here?” he blurts out, with zero forethought.

Gakuhou tilts his head. “Do you want me to leave?”

“That’s not an answer.”

His father huffs a quiet laugh, nodding his acknowledgement. “I saw the news,” he says after a long stretch of silence. “The reporter was talking about some monster in Kunugigaoka, and the government wasn’t saying anything. Nobody knew what was going on, just that something was happening and it was bad.” He pauses, and Karma waits, wondering when his father would get to the point that led him to sitting in an uncomfortable chair, keeping his estranged son company in the small hours of the morning.

“And then your mother called me.”

Karma visibly startles in his chair as a bolt of surprise rips through him. He’d been staring at his shoes during his father’s story, but now he turns to openly gape at Gakuhou. Never in a million years would he guess his mother would ever willingly, of her own volition, speak to his father again.

“Was she mad?” He realizes how stupid the question is as soon as it leaves his mouth.

A wry sort of smile twists Gakuhou’s lips. “I think furious is putting it lightly. I couldn’t understand some of what she said through the screaming, but I got the gist. You had run off to Kunugigaoka on some suicide mission for your class, and if anything happened to you she would string me up herself.”

“She didn’t really say that,” Karma denies, then hesitates. “Did she?”

“No,” Gakuhou says drily, rubbing a tired palm against his eyes. “She was much more graphic.”

Karma’s jaw drops again. He can picture it suddenly, playing clear in his mind like a movie: his mother red-faced and rumpled in her pajamas as she screams at his father through her cell phone, crying and issuing threats in the same breath; his father, sitting at his desk or on his couch, watching the news in blank shock and listening to his ex-wife’s promises to kill him if anything happened to Karma.

Karma swallows roughly. “You deserve that too.”

“Yes,” Gakuhou agrees. “I do.”

Karma nods once, sharply, waiting for Gakuhou to resume his explanation.

“Your mother ran out of steam eventually and hung up. I called Karasuma and asked him what was going on, and he told me what he could. I woke Gakushuu up, told him what was happening and not to answer the door or phone unless it was me, and then I drove here.”

Karma nods again, thoughtfully this time. “That’s still not an answer,” he points out. “Why are you here,” he stresses, “with me, sitting in this stupid chair when you could be literally anywhere else?”

Gakuhou frowns, slumping back in his chair in a casual show of exhaustion Karma has never seen on him. “You’re my son,” he says, a raw edge in his voice, as if that is all the explanation required. “My youngest child.”

“I’m not a little kid anymore.”

“No,” his father agrees, almost sadly. “You’re not. You don’t need me to protect you anymore. This is probably more for me than you, anyway. I needed to know you were safe.”

He scoffs. “I didn’t know you cared.”

The wry smile makes a reappearance. “Neither did I. I had convinced myself I didn’t care what happened to you or your mother. At least, until you popped up in the last place I expected to find you.” He sighs softly, head tilting back to watch the ceiling. “I have many things to apologize for, Karma. I messed up with you in so many ways. But I don’t think you want to hear them right now, so I thought I could sit with you until your mother got here and…” he pauses, searching for the right words. He must give up on finding them, though, because he sighs gustily and sinks lower into his chair. “I don’t know what I’m doing here,” he admits. “I doubt I offer much in the way of comfort. Do you want me to leave?”

Karma considers. “Any other night, I would probably say yes. But tonight…”

Tonight, they killed Korosensei. Tonight, he scraped his nerves raw during his confrontation with his mother. Tonight, he’d been sitting by himself in a stiff chair, wrapped in a shock blanket, replaying the night in his head and feeling more and more adrift until his father sat down beside him and made him feel less alone.

“Tonight, you can stay,” he says. It’s still not forgiveness. His father hasn’t apologized yet, and Karma still hasn’t decided whether he’ll grant it. If anything, it’s a white flag - a temporary cease-fire. For now, it’s enough.

Gakuhou nods, and they settle back into silence.

A while later, his phone buzzes again. It’s another text from his mother. They’re five minutes away now. His time with his father is ticking away. He wonders how he should spend it. Silence is probably safest. Karma is too numb right now to work up enough anger for a fight, but if he opens his mouth and says the wrong thing he might mess up the fragile truce they’ve landed on. He realizes, to his slight consternation, he doesn’t want to mess it up.

What he does want, he realizes, is the answer to one simple question. If he’s lucky, Gakuhou will answer. If he’s really lucky, he’ll be too numb with shock for the answer to hurt too badly.

He fiddles with his phone some more, twisting it in his fingers as he considers whether to ask his next question. “If I ask you something,” he says, haltingly, “will you give me an honest answer?”

“Yes,” is the immediate reply.

“You’ll tell me the truth?” he presses. “Even if it hurts me? Even if it makes me hate you?”

“I thought you already hated me,” Gakuhou says, amused. Then, more serious, “I won’t lie to you, Karma. Even if it hurts. Ask your question.”

Karma nods, still considering. He checks his phone and sees he only has a few minutes before his parents arrive. Whatever, he thinks, metaphorically tossing up his hands. I’ve been torturing myself with this for years. At least now I’ll know.

“Were you sad when mom took me?”

He’d like to say the room grew quiet after he spoke, but that would be a lie. People are still bustling around them, fielding phone calls and doing whatever government people do after a major crisis. The world moves on, even when you’re falling apart.

Still, in their corner of the room, Karma feels like a bubble has separated him and Gakuhou from the rest of the world. The noise of other people doesn’t exist anymore. For him, there is only silence and the sound of his heartbeat as he waits for Gakuhou to answer.

It takes a long time. Or maybe it just feels long because he’s holding his breath.

“When I watched her drive away,” his father says, measuring the words out bit by bit, “and realized that was it - when I realized she was taking you and you weren’t coming back…” He sighs, a heavy sound. “Yes. It didn’t feel real until that moment. I watched the car disappear and thought I was having a heart attack. I locked myself in my office and drank an entire bottle of sake until it stopped hurting. I didn’t cry,” he muses aloud. “I think I was too sad to cry. Too sad, and I didn’t think I deserved to. It was my fault, after all. I drove you both away. I didn’t have the right to cry about it.”

Karma rests his chin on top of his knees as he processes. If he was in his right mind, he would probably be angry. That’s his typical response to anything his father says or does. The anger still feels far away right now, but he knows he’ll feel it eventually. Maybe not tomorrow (today?) or even the next day - not with grief for Korosensei still so fresh in his heart. Eventually, though, he’ll replay his father’s confession and feel a blood boiling rage he won’t know what to do with. It’s what he’s been waiting for all these years: his father admitting he loved him, maybe even that he still loves him. It’s every wish he’s ever made since he was a little kid. He’ll feel angry and heartbroken all over again, and he won’t even have Korosensei to help him deal with it (and oh, that thought sends a fresh wave of grief over him, so powerful he almost drowns in it. He latches onto the numbness and sinks further into it. It’s safer there).

He isn’t angry now, though, just numb and a little sad. He lifts his chin from his knees and presses his face against them, wrapping the blanket even tighter around himself. He’s hiding - either from his father or the world in general. He doesn’t know for sure, and he doesn’t feel like analyzing it.

“If you had told me that six years ago,” he says into his knees, muffled but still audible, “I would’ve forgiven you for anything.”

It’s the truth. Eight year old Karma would have done anything to hear that his father was sad he left, that he loved him enough to be sad. He would have let go of every bitter feeling in his heart and forgiven Gakuhou wholeheartedly for every misdeed. Eight year old Karma, he thinks, was an idiot.

Not an idiot, a voice that sounds suspiciously like Nagisa chides. Just a child. Just a kid who wanted to hear that his father loved him. That’s not stupid. That’s just how kids are.

His father doesn’t say anything, but Karma didn’t really want him to anyway. They’ve both said their piece. It’s too late to change the past, and neither are even sure if they have a future. Sometimes it’s best to let sleeping dogs lie.

His phone buzzes, but this time it keeps buzzing. Twisting his head to the side so his cheek is pressed against his legs, he checks it. It’s his mother. She’s here, presumably, and looking for him. Time to go. He sighs, letting his feet fall to the floor as he stands, the blanket sliding from his shoulders and landing in a heap on his empty chair. He answers the call.

“Hi, mom,” he murmurs as he walks away. “I’m on my way out now.”

He doesn’t say goodbye.

#fanfiction #my writing #families shatter like glass series #Akabane Karma #assassination classroom #au #Karma and Gakushuu are brothers

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lightcomingthroughthedarkness · 3 years

Text

So I'm in a weird dating situation and I'm just confused and thought lets ask tumblr, lol.

So over the summer I started dating a guy. The first time we met, things went well but I had a gut feeling something wasn't right but I couldn't for the life of me put my finger on it. It was just a gut feeling, something just felt off.

We kept on dating all summer and we realized almost right away that we are very different people. I'm direct, honest and go all in. Even though I'm an introvert in most cases, I felt like I needed to be upfront with him about my intentions. So much so, that I admit, I was overdoing it a little. He was more chill and wanted us to slow down and just date and see where we'd end up. But if I have a feeling or a thought, I share, in the name of being honest and upfront about my intentions. Not him. He's a thinker and needs time to form his thoughts before speaking. And if he doesn't feel like saying something, he keeps it to himself. So to say the least, our style of communication was veeeery different. I acknowledged this and talked to him about it so we could better understand one another. Again, he helped me chill down a little and just be in the moment so I didn't think it was all bad.

What I noticed almost right away, was that I was always more interested in his life and asked him thousands of questions about his work, his family, his hobbies, his likes and dislikes etc and he thought I asked "too many questions". He felt like I was overdoing it. Meanwhile, he never really had many questions about my life at all. I brought this up so we could communicate and discuss. His answer was that he was interested in me but that his communication style was different. He wasn't used to direct questions but would rather see us talk and discuss and through discussions, learn more about one another. So I tried that by backing down on questions and letting it flow. He tried too, by starting to ask me questions to show his interest (which he later admitted that he had to google "what to ask someone you're dating")

However, I noticed again that not much happened in regards to him learning more about me. He'd freely share information about his family, his work, his life by sending me photos and little funny stories about them/him. It was important to him that I knew that he was beloved by friends, family and co-workers. It was also important to him that I knew that he was capable, respected and valuable. Even though I later found out he was leaving his job due to a disagreement with his co-boss in their shared business.

Since we had agreed on a more "free discussion" style of communication, I didn't wait for him to ask me, I just shared photos and information about my life too. The difference was that I always had some follow up question about his life, I showed interest in his relationships with his family members, I made small comments about things he'd share with me to show him I was listening and that I cared to learn more. He would never do the same for me. He'd acknowledge what I shared with him but had no follow up questions or comments. He even said once that it was too soon for me to share private information because "we aren't there yet" while he had already sent me family photos of his family. Sometimes I felt like my photos/stories about my life were sent out into the void. I couldn't understand how you show interest in someone's life.. by literally having nothing to say?

At the start of us dating he was direct with me that he expected us to have an active sex life because he believes sex is part of dating. I agreed but wanted to wait until I was more comfortable with him. He kept telling me he wasn't interested in a relationship without the sexual part. Finally, I felt more comfortable and told him I was ready after our 3rd or 4th date. But then he started acting weird telling me he thought it was better to wait longer, as I had originally wanted to do. I was so confused and felt rejected. I again was upfront and told him I was ready. So we made plans and met up. Turns out he needed to tell me that he had been suffering from a lot of stress and psychological pressure from a lot of different things in life so it affected his physical health. I was shocked. He had made it suuuper clear that he expected sex.. only to keep such information from me. I was supportive and wanted him to know that I was a safe place for him.

So while all of that made me confused and I did bring it up several times with him, he kept showing up. He would always text me, always tell me good night/good morning with heart emojis, always reach out during the day to catch up, always asked to see me and hang out with me, even when we'd argue he'd never call me names, he'd never yell at me or touch me unless I wanted him to. He just kept showing his interest by showing up. Even though I thought some of our contact lacked depth. But I was willing to let a lot slide.

But since the summer, we've been doing long distance with me planning on visiting next month. So we kept in touch by text mostly. Again, he kept on showing up. Not one day went by without him reaching out to me. In that way, he made his interest clear. He kept using pet names for me and was always very sweet like that.

But still, our communication didn't improve much. We still had a lot of big differences about values and life. Sadly, I never really thought he took my feelings seriously about how sad I was that our communication was lacking. I mean, the guy kept showing up in a lot of ways, even through long distance... but he couldn't ask one question about my life or make me feel like he was truly interested in ME. Instead he thought I was overdoing it, trying to shape life to fit a "rule book" and how I just couldn't live in the moment like him. To me, it felt like he was just ignoring my reasons for wanting to make my intentions clear and that I didn't want to waste my time with someone who didn't share my intentions. He said he did, that he too was dating me with the intention of a future together but that we just differ in our ways to get to that future. Again, I was willing to let it slide that perhaps I wouldn't get ALL my emotional needs met and that I needed to trust the process.

While learning more about each other, he told me how he is a stubborn person and will cut a person out of his life if he believes "the other person doesn't deserve to be in his life". He did this to his best friend after they had a fight. But his friend "clawed" his way back into his life and finally he relented and realised his friend "valued their friendship over a fight". He told me he doesn't trust anyone but "god and myself". He told me if someone likes him, he likes them back. If a woman breaks up with him, he'd stop caring about her in 5 seconds because "why should I care if she doesn't care" and then she'd be dead to him. I learned that he had lost his mother as a child and a part of him doesn't feel whole and his only wish is that he'll see her again in the afterlife. I once asked him if he ever forgive people in his life for making a mistake, he said "never". He said if someone wronged him, he'd wait 50 years if he had to but he'd always "find a way to get even".

He told me about an ex, how she cheated on him when they were teenagers. She came back and wanted to date again, so he went out with her and they ended up having sex.. only for him to throw her out right after they finished because she was a "bitxh for thinking he'd take her back". He basically made her believe they'd fix it, played her for some cheap sex and then kicked her out. He was furious with me when I called him out on that behavior and he said "only god can judge me".

He also told me he had gone to therapy a few years ago but he was very private about why he went. So I told him a little about why I went but still, he didn't share much. He just said "I'm a complex person to understand. I have a lot of love to give but it's your job to find that love". He always felt judged, criticized or offended by me, even though it was never my intention. I could question something he had said or done and he'd get annoyed with me for "judging him all the time" or "always expecting the worst". I asked him how he wanted me to communicate with him so we could minimize situations where he'd feel that way but he didn't have an answer, just that I "talk normally".

All of these stories made me feel weird and I wasn't comfortable with it. Then one day we had an argument about our lack of communication and I was just so fed up, I decided to ignore his good morning text and didn't text him all day but I posted a story on instagram about something completely irrelevant to our relationship (a story with my niece). I needed to think, to understand my own feelings and try and understand what our problem was before reaching out.

Later that day he got annoyed and told me to stop behaving like a child. So I finally reached out and texted him back. I asked him how come he couldn't understand that it hurts my feelings that we can't even seem to TALK to each other without misunderstandings, how he makes fun of me by saying I need a "rule book" to life etc for simply wishing we could be better at communicating. He said he didn't make fun of me and that he didn't believe my reaction was normal since the fight wasn't that big a deal.

What did he do? He broke up with me right then and there. Told me it is unacceptable to him that his partner ignores him/his texts and that he can't handle being ignored. While I agree, I should not have ignored him but rather talked to him about it, I'm only human and was growing so frustrated. I said, lets talk about this, lets talk about triggers and what deal breakers we have so we can better understand each other and not repeat the same mistakes. He said he wasn't interested and that he could "never forgive me for this mistake". He couldn't see himself spending his life with someone who ignores his texts because what if this happens again? No, he was not interested in giving me a chance to explain or for us to learn more about the other. I asked him if maybe there were other reasons for him losing interest (me being so direct, too open, moving too fast, my own issues that I work on every day and acknowledge etc) he said no, it was just that ONE mistake, my not answering one text message.

I told him that I thought his reaction to my not returning ONE message, after a fight, was a bit of an overreaction but he said he couldn't risk it, in case I do this again in the future. He said he refuses "to be made a fool" by me so he is no longer interested to continue dating because I had shown my true colors by not texting him back but still posting on instagram as if I didn't see his text. He said "that was clearly directed at me" even though I explained that I have a life outside of him. I asked him if he still liked me and he said that he did but that it wasn't enough after my mistake.

So I asked him what we are going to do about my visit next month. He said he is willing to see me if that's what I want, to see him, but he's not interested in a relationship any longer. He also said he's willing to still text with me sometimes and that he doesn't want to come across as "the bad guy". So if I want to stay in contact with him we can do that, we can talk and we can meet up too. But nothing else.

Wtf. I am no longer interested in a relationship with him after all this.. but what the actual fuck. Am I crazy here.. or maybe is his "black and white" way of thinking just impossible to deal with in a relationship? I would have accepted and respected his decision 10000 times over if he had said that he no longer likes me and doesn't see a future for us. But breaking up over my not returning ONE TEXT MESSAGE?! 🤷🏻‍♀️

#personal #relationships #🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

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johaerys-writes · 3 years

Text

The Stars Will Guide Us Home

Fandom: The Song of Achilles

Pairing: Achilles/Patroclus

Summary:

During the ten-year long Trojan War, Achilles was a fighter pilot, and Patroclus his combat systems operator and best friend. Now that the war is over, the two try to figure things out as they get adjusted to life out of combat, and their lifelong friendship and comradeship grows into something... more.

Or: I wanted to write smut and my hand slipped :) Angst, fluff, hurt/comfort galore, Achilles POV.

Read on AO3!

The first time they have sex is nothing like what Achilles expects. For the most part he tries to take it slow, to savour the moment, to show Patroclus how much he cares, how long he’s wanted this, but before he knows it they’re both tearing at each other’s clothes somewhere between the bed and the hallway, and Patroclus is urging him to go faster, faster, harder— until they’re both panting, boneless and spent, on the living room floor.

And it's great. Not how he’d imagined it, but great all the same.

In truth, there’s a million different ways he’d imagined this. It’s been a dream of his ever since he can remember himself actually— not this, precisely, but being with Patroclus. Kissing him. Holding him. In all the years they've known each other, he’s gone through all the possible scenarios in his head: the dreamy ones, where he takes him to the beach they used to go to as kids, and kisses him gently, bathed in the sunset’s glow that catches in the amber flecks in the dark brown of Patroclus’ eyes. The more emotional ones, where Patroclus comes to him in the middle of the night after one of his nightmares, and Achilles is there to comfort him, as always, and their innocent, friendly cuddling turns into something more. And there are the darker, more feral ones, where Achilles grabs him and pulls him close, and they kiss with abandon before falling on the nearest flat surface.

The reality is somewhere in between all of those daydreams, and none of them at all.

Achilles has just arrived in Athens from Troy. It hasn’t been more than two weeks after the war has finally ended, but Achilles was given early honorable discharge, while the others stayed back at the base for a few more weeks. So, the first thing he did was grab the first plane he could find and fly wherever Patroclus was. Patroclus was relieved of duty about six months back because of an injury —he’s better now, it’s fine— but to Achilles it feels like an eternity since he’s last seen him. He knew he should probably have gone to Phthia first to see his old man after so many years on the battlefield, but he just couldn’t help himself.

He feels a little guilty about it, but he forgets everything the moment the plane lands, and he sees Patroclus’ bright, smiling face waiting for him at the airport arrivals.

Fuck, he’s so beautiful.

Achilles' heart is beating a frantic rhythm as he closes the distance between them in just a few strides. Patroclus’ arms come around him, as if by rote, and it feels so right to be there with him, to have him in his arms and to have his familiar, earthy scent in his nose. Achilles has missed him so much that, for a few moments, he really has no words.

He pulls back to look at him, and in the airport’s artificial lights, Patroclus’ eyes are bright like lit up stars. He looks better than he did the last time Achilles saw him: he’s healthy and joyous and his complexion looks better, more vibrant; he’s gained a little bit of weight too which is good, after losing so much of it during those last couple months in Troy. Achilles’ gaze drops to his shoulder, his arm that had been wounded, and it’s such a relief to not be able to discern any visible sign of his injury, at least not through his clothes. He catalogues everything, every small detail in his mind in crystal clear, drinking in the sight of him.

“How was your flight? Good?” Patroclus asks. He takes a small step back as they peel away from each other. They stand for a little while there, gazing at each other, and it’s a bit awkward, a bit tense, like there’s something they’re not saying.

The distance between them makes Achilles feel uneasy, but he brushes the feeling away.

“Good. Yeah. The coffee was atrocious. Couldn’t wait for it to be over.” He slinks the duffel bag that holds all of his belongings over his shoulder, then places his arm on Patroclus’ shoulders in a friendly hug as they walk towards the exits. The people they pass by turn to glance at him, their eyes swiftly taking in Achilles’ aviation officer uniform. He’s sticking out like a fly in milk, but he honestly couldn’t care less. Soon, the planes and ships will be full of soldiers returning to their home bases; they’ll all get used to the sight. “What have you been up to? Tell me all about it.”

They’ve been in touch since Patroclus left, of course. They’ve been texting and talking on the phone, Patroclus even sent him an old fashioned letter once, but it’s different now that they’re face to face. It’s like Achilles has been starved, all the while they’ve been apart, and he can’t get enough of the sound of his voice, his expressions, his laughter, the way he slips his hands in his pockets and gets a little light on his feet when he walks.

He still feels a bit heavy, the war no doubt still fresh in his mind, but he’s smiling and laughing like always. And it’s good. It’s more than good actually— it’s great.

Things have been going great ever since he came back, Patroclus says. He got into vet school with the help of one of his ex-senior officer’s recommendation letters —he’s always wanted to be a vet. He's found a flat, and he’s getting a small veteran pension too, enough for him to go by. He’s met new friends, and they’re all great. Everything’s great, really.

“It feels like I finally have a life,” Patroclus tells him, and holds the car door open for him to get in. “You know?”

Achilles is happy for him. He really is. Patroclus deserves everything good, he deserves to have the life he’s always wanted. He gets in the passenger seat and puts on some music, and, for a moment, it’s just like old times.

The air in Athens is heavy and humid, the sun blasting scorching bright above them. Patroclus takes him to one of the restaurants near the university that he likes to go —the dumplings here are great, you’ll love them— and then gives him a tour of the part of the campus that’s open for visitors.

It’s not how Achilles imagined it would be. It’s quite an old building actually, and there are pigeons nesting in the high rafters of the open hall. It’s Sunday, though, so the park out front is quiet. Only a few throngs of students lazying about on the warm grass, basking in the sun, blasting music from tiny portable speakers.

Achilles watches everything like an alien. In truth, he is. It’s been years since he last set foot outside of Troy, and before that he was almost a kid. It’s a strange feeling to find that life has actually been going on in something that’s very close to normal, all the while they’ve all been risking their lives at the other side of the Aegean.

It is odd, not fighting anymore, not being at war. Patroclus himself seems to have forgotten about it all, to have gotten used to his life here, but Achilles knows him better than this. He’s thoughtful, and there are moments when he goes quiet, and Achilles can tell there is something that’s bothering him still.

But Achilles doesn’t ask him. He doesn’t want to press him to talk. It’s what Patroclus does: he always takes his time thinking about stuff, it’s how he processes everything. And the memories from the war are still fresh. Patroclus may never have been in the thick of it for the most part, but certain things never leave you.

Achilles sinks back on the grass, and sneaks occasional glances at Patroclus, at the fiery blaze of the late spring sunset and the way it warms up Patroclus’ olive skin, the dark curls that wisp about his face when the breeze blows through them. His hair has gotten long now, caressing the back of his neck, like it used to when they were kids, before Patroclus had to crop it short for the army. Achilles falls silent when Patroclus does, and pretends not to notice the tension between them, like there’s something vibrating in the air.

They’ve been apart for too long. That’s probably it.

After the sun sets, Patroclus takes him to a bar downtown. It’s apparently a cool place that college kids like to go, hidden in a small cobble-stone lane in the old city. Once again, Achilles feels the alien there, standing out like a sore thumb, but it’s probably all in his head. He’s not wearing his uniform anymore; the tee shirt and jeans Patroclus lent him are a little too small for him, but not by much. It’s certainly strange to be wearing normal clothes again, but Achilles tries not to think about it.

He has a drink, then another, and another, and Patroclus does, too. The music is pleasant, not too loud, just loud enough for them to keep a conversation going without the silences between them getting too awkward.

Things have not exactly been the same between them since Patroclus left Troy. Achilles doesn’t exactly know what it is, but he can tell it’s on Patroclus’ mind too; it has to be. They’ve known each other too long, and they’ve gone through too much to not be able to read each other. There’s something between them now, hanging in the air like a barrier, and Achilles keeps wanting to open up, to take the conversation there, but he never does.

Instead, he keeps getting distracted by the expression on Patroclus' face. His eyes look so vivid, so bright in the dim yellow light of the bar. His cheeks are flushed, and his lips are glistening from his drink, and the way they wrap around the head of his beer bottle has Achilles’ mind going to places it shouldn’t.

So he orders another drink. He tries to act casual, and cracks a couple jokes, and then tells Patroclus about Menelaus and Agamemnon and Antilochus, all the guys from their division —those that made it back alive, but he leaves out that part— and the shadows in Patroclus’ eyes grow less and less dark.

“It’s time they all came back,” he says. “I'm just glad it's all finally over.”

Achilles nods in agreement, and takes another sip. It hasn’t been easy for anyone, that much he knows.

It’s almost midnight when they make it back to Patroclus’ flat. It’s just a short walk from the bar, and they’re both a bit buzzy from the drink. They’re not plastered by any means, but loose and relaxed and a little giggly, and Patroclus leans against him as they walk. His arm threads around Achilles’ as if by accident, his steps falling alongside his, and Achilles’ heart thrums with all the longing he’s suppressed for months, for years now, and that he’s suppressing still.

It’s fine, he tells himself as Patroclus fiddles with the key to the main building door. It’s going to be fine, though his eyes instinctively fall to Patroclus’ back, and he keeps picturing that soft dip between his shoulder blades underneath his tee shirt, the muscles that fall and rise under his skin when he moves. He tries to remember how long it has been since he’s caught a glimpse of his bare back as he was changing out of his shirt in the barracks before bed, skin still a little damp from his shower, and oh god why is he like this—

He jolts a little when Patroclus takes his hand and he leads him to the elevator. He’s not used to Patroclus’ fingers threading through his own, they’ve never really touched each other like that, but it’s a welcome change. Patroclus is still a little giggly, and his laughter reverberates off the walls of the dark entrance hall. Achilles’ arm comes around his shoulders as they watch the numbers flash in the elevator’s panel.

Ground floor. First floor. Third.

Patroclus doesn’t let him go as walks up to his flat door. He fumbles with the key a little, and when he finally pushes the door open, Achilles is almost relieved, almost a little disappointed, because walking in will probably mean letting Patroclus’ hand go, and he doesn’t really want that, but he’s not exactly sure what it means either if they keep holding each other like this.

Achilles says something to break the tension when they walk in and the door closes behind them. Patroclus laughs again, and the sound of it makes Achilles warm inside out.

He leans in and kisses him.

Read the rest on AO3!

#the song of achilles #tsoa #patrochilles #patroclus #achilles #achilles x patroclus #patroclus x achilles #tsoa fanfic #johaerys writes

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orangepanic · 3 years

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I saw this “100 OTP questions” by @the-moon-dust-writings and figured I'd procrastinate:

1. Who loves flower crowns more?

Neither of them really, but Asami might make Iroh wear one just to laugh at him.

2. Who is the one who likes to cuddle?

Iroh. Asami likes it, too, but he usually initiates.

3. Who has awful taste in music?

Honestly, both of them. Asami likes terrible dance music and Iroh likes obscure combinations of horns and bells and stuff from different cultures.

4. Who is the meme lover?

Asami thinks they’re funny. Iroh doesn’t quite understand.

5. How did their second date go?

Iroh tried to take Asami somewhere very fancy, but the wait was too long. They ended up making out in a shadowy doorway down the street and missing their reservation entirely. Iroh was mortified, but Asami dragged him around the corner to a low-key noodle shop that has since become their favorite restaurant.

6. How many children do they want/have?

Asami thinks about three. Iroh, as many as Asami will agree to.

7. Who hides the weapons?

Iroh hides weapons for Asami around the house so she’ll always have something on hand. In a drawer in the kitchen, on her nightstand, etc. He knows she can take care of herself… and he stashes weapons for her anyway. Asami rolls her eyes but secretly thinks it’s sweet.

8. Who is the better dancer?

Asami. She likes dancing, and learned formal dancing in school. Iroh can’t dance at all, having skipped out on all his lessons as a child after bribing his instructor. He thought dancing is boring, but likes dancing with Asami and lets her lead.

9. Do/Did they have a theme wedding?

No. They quite deliberately have a very normal wedding, including cutting out a lot of the more stuffy Fire Nation customs because Iroh doesn’t want Asami to feel out of place not having any family present.

10. What do their parents think of them dating?

Hiroshi Sato is livid, and actually tried to have Iroh assassinated from prison. His little girl, marry a firebender? A prince of the firebenders? Iroh’s parents are more accepting. Izumi initially thinks Asami is too young and gives Iroh a hard time about how quickly he got serious, but quickly comes around when it’s clear Asami is very mature for her age. Within a year Iroh’s parents are both hounding him on when he’ll make it official.

11. Are they a super sappy couple?

They are that couple everybody hates.

12. How did they get together?

They meet during the Equalist revolution, but don’t get together until long after. Iroh has a crush on Asami almost immediately, but spends forever sitting on it thinking it wasn’t the right time and trying to be friends until one day he just kind of slips up and kisses her. She kisses him back. It turns out Asami liked him, too, but she isn’t great at reading people and had no idea he was interested.

13. Who asked the other to get married?

Iroh just kind of blurts it out one day.

14. Who stays up too late and makes stupid jokes?

Asami is the night owl. Iroh makes the bad jokes.

15. Who is the nerd?

Oh my god, both of them. Asami is more of the classic nerd. Iroh is more of a dork.

16. Who knows the most obscure facts?

Iroh.

17. Who makes the other a flower crown?

Two questions about flower crowns out of 100?? Changing this to who is more dominant in bed. Asami.

18. Who likes to read?

Iroh. They both do, but he’s much more into it.

19. Who bothers the other person while the other person reads?

Asami. She has the shorter attention span.

20. Who tutors the other?

They both would in different subjects. Asami is better at math, physics, etc. Iroh is better at philosophy and languages.

21. Do they have similar taste in movies?

No. Asami likes gory slasher films and lots of action. Iroh scoffs and thinks they’re dumb. Asami, in turn, thinks his period dramas can be kind of boring, and refuses to count documentaries as movies. But there’s a healthy overlap in things like Vikings and Game of Thrones.

22. How do their personalities complement each other?

Asami helps Iroh lighten up a bit, drawing him out of his shell, and gives him an anchor and a sense of home. She’s more social than he is, and a lot of her friends eventually become his. But she’s also quiet enough and serious enough that she doesn’t tire him out and can feed his need for downtime. Iroh, in turn, loves seldom but deeply, and gives Asami the kind of fierce, unconditional love and stability she needs. He’s also genuinely interested in her projects, is smart enough to follow most of it, and is one of the only people who can occasionally beat her in Pai Sho. They have a lot of fun together just being nerds.

23. How do they tell everyone that they are going to be having a kid/adopting a child soon?

They don’t have to tell anybody. It’s all over Iroh’s face like a big neon sign.

24. Who has better fashion sense?

Asami, but not by much. She’s more up to date with trends, while Iroh’s style is clean and classic.

25. Who will punch someone out if they are rude to their partner?

Hoo boy, both of them. Do not go there.

26. What songs do they sing together in the vehicle?

Neither of them sing in the satomobile. Iroh has a decent voice, but he’s a bit private about it. Asami mostly hums.

27. What other couple would your otp get along with?

Iroh quickly becomes BFFs with Bolin. Asami and Opal aren’t quite as close, but they like each other’s company and have fun as a foursome. They also get along quite well with Pema and Tenzin.

28. Who likes to prank the other?

Iroh tries more often. Asami’s pranks are more successful.

29. Who is the one who loves to take pictures?

Iroh, though generally Korra is the picture taker in the group.

30. How would they react if they found out they were soul mates?

Iroh raises an eyebrow. “Hmm.” Asami only shrugs. They both already knew that.

31. Where would they live?

They like Republic City and decide to stay downtown, first in an apartment and eventually a larger townhouse.

32. What type of dragon would they own, if they could have one?

Whichever one Iroh made friends with. Asami is a bit wary of animals and would need him to convince her it was safe.

33. If they were both vampires, what type of vampires would they be?

The kind that live in a beautiful house with perfect collections that took hundreds of years to make. Iroh has first editions of everything in a giant library, arranged in a complex system only he understands. He’s working on his 14th language. Asami has invented artificial blood and doesn’t miss sunburns. Occasionally she’ll throw one of those big fancy vampire balls just so they can both get dressed up. They’re pretty happy.

34. What would they dress up as, for Halloween?

They once went as Lady Tienhai and the last king of Mo Ce because picking something obscure and historical was the only way to get Iroh into a costume.

35. Can they name each other’s favourite food?

Kind of. They are both really into food, so picking a favorite is hard. But if the question is can they order for one another, absolutely.

36. Do they have pet names for one another?

Asami sometimes calls Iroh “General Hotstuff” when she’s teasing. Iroh sometimes calls Asami “sex pretzel” when he’s 1000% sure they are alone.

37. How do they cheer each other up?

Asami is more of a gift giver. She’ll show up with Iroh’s favorite take-out or make him something in her workshop—anything to make him feel special and valued. Iroh is all about quality time, and will swing by Asami’s office to haul her out on surprise dates. He also gives great hugs.

38. Do they show a lot of PDA?

No. Iroh is very uncomfortable with PDA, especially when he’s in uniform. Asami follows his lead.

39. How old were they when they got together?

Asami was 19-20, Iroh 24-25.

40. Who is the one that would bring the puppy home?

Iroh, 100%. He’s such a sucker.

41. Can they do yoga couple’s poses?

Yes, though Asami is the only one who really tries.

42. What is their song?

They don’t really have one.

43. What does their room look like?

Asami moved in with Iroh, so it’s very basic. White walls, perfectly made bed, a neatly organized desk in the far corner by the window. He’s a total minimalist, having spent most of his adult life on a ship. Asami added a very fluffy comforter in *gasp* a color and lots of pillows.

44. Who would be the one to kill zombies while the other keeps them grounded?

They’d take turns, and at some point Asami would turn it into a contest.

45. Who makes the other breakfast in bed?

Iroh. Asami is a terrible cook.

46. Who loves kids more?

Iroh.

47. Do either of them have a crazy ex?

Not crazy, but Iroh and his ex are not on good terms. He doesn’t like to talk about it.

48. What are their favourite colours?

Asami, purple. Iroh, black. He gets annoyed when people get him so much red stuff.

49. Who likes to cook?

Iroh. He fired Asami from the kitchen, something they are both grateful for.

50. Who is the forgetful one?

Asami.

51. Does either of them know how to fight?

Have you met these people?

52. What do they do for Valentines Day?

Iroh would probably plan something elaborate for them to go out. Asami would plan something sexy for when they got home.

53. Who swears more?

Asami, at least out loud. Iroh mostly swears under his breath.

54. Who has the better comebacks?

Asami. It’s not even close.

55. Who would start a fight with another parent at a bake sale?

Probably Asami, unless it was about the kids. If anyone comes for Iroh’s kids, they’d better hide.

56. Who reads buzzfeed?

Asami.

57. Who is the hopeless romantic?

Iroh, hands down.

58. Do either of them know how to do a handstand?

Asami can manage it.

59. Who can rap better?

Asami, though Iroh is the only one who actually listens to rap.

60. Do either of them want to go sky diving?

Asami would love to. Iroh laughs. “Been there.”

61. What do they usually text about?

Some version of “I miss you” or random pictures of stuff. They generally only text when Iroh is away as they’re both busy during the day.

62. Who is the dramatic one?

Asami has a shorter fuse. Iroh is more ridiculous when he loses his shit.

63. Is either one confrontational?

Not really.

64. What is their favourite cuddle position?

Asami will lay on top of Iroh on the couch like a sandwich. It’s the only position she seems to be able to nap in.

65. Who are their favourite musical artist(s)?”

See above about terrible taste in music.

66. What are their parenting styles?

Iroh covers a lot of the basics. He sets a schedule, makes lunches, tells bedtime stories, is more likely to help with the homework. Asami is the one who gets them around and does most of the interacting with teachers, other parents, etc. They share things fairly equally.

67. Who would be the more laid back one?

Iroh.

68. Who listens to more vulgar music?

Asami.

69. Do either of them have secrets even the other doesn’t know?

Yes. Asami can be secretive about some of her projects, both out of an abundance of caution but also because she likes a big reveal. Iroh keeps some past relationship stuff close, and will occasionally read a steamy romance novel for “tips.”

70. Who is their go to couple for a double date?

Bolin and Opal

71. Do they tip the waiter/waitress on their date?

Iroh tips very well.

72. How do they work out a fight?

Asami yells. Iroh yells back. One of them storms off. The other one waits about half an hour then goes to find them, usually with an offering of food. There are hugs. Somebody cries. Then they finally talk it out before falling asleep together.

73. Who brings home an illegal pet?

Asami. She is less likely to have a pet, but if she does, it’s going to be a weird one.

74. What side of the bed do each of them sleep on?

Iroh is on the side by the window because he likes to get up with the sun.

75. What is their favorite photo of them two together?

There’s a photo Korra took at the beach where Iroh has Asami thrown over his shoulder right before dunking her in the water. This is the picture he takes with him when he’s deployed.

76. Who takes longer in the bathroom?

Asami.

77. Who has more songs on their ipod?

Iroh. If you can call them songs.

78. What movie did they first see together?

Iroh took her to Last Days of the Sun Warriors. She fell asleep. He said the book was better.

79. What do they like to see each other in?

Asami thinks Iroh’s butt looks great in jeans. Iroh got Asami a red silk robe from the Fire Nation and likes to see it fall off.

80. Who makes jokes during inappropriate times?

Iroh.

81. At what age do they discuss the possibility of children?

Mid-20s, though they don’t have them until a little later.

82. What do they love about each other the most?

Iroh likes that Asami is tough and smart and a problem-solver. Asami likes that Iroh is kind and brave and has a strong moral compass.

83. Who is the one that sees the big picture, while the other focus’s on the small details?

They are both big picture people, which is sometimes a problem. Of the two, Asami is probably better at details, but she’s also forgetful.

84. What would they write on their partner’s social media’s for their anniversary?

Asami would probably put up a picture of them and say something brief but sweet. Iroh doesn’t really understand social media and would just paste a heart-eyes emoji.

85. Who is bad at math?

Iroh. He’s not bad, per se, but Asami is very, very good.

86. Who googles everything?

Asami.

87. Who does stuff on impulse?

Both of them in different ways. Asami is generally more flexible. Iroh usually has a plan but makes big decisions completely off the cuff.

88. How do they comfort each other when they are helpless to do anything about the situation?

Lots of physical touch. Iroh will kind of just wrap himself around her in one giant, whole body hug. Asami will spend some time cursing out whomever is causing the issue, then let him lay his head in her lap and give Iroh a good head scratch or massage.

89. What is an inside joke they have?

There was one time they had sex in Asami’s office at Future Industries, so occasionally she’ll drop things like, “feel like coming by the office?” with a suggestive eyebrow waggle. Iroh is, predictably, very embarrassed. Also interested.

90. Who makes the other smile with almost no effort at all?

Asami: *exists* Iroh: *smiles*

91. What is their favourite holiday?

New Years is a big deal in the Fire Nation. Iroh loves his family and likes going home, and Asami has grown to love it almost as much.

92. Who is the one that is calm and collected while the other is angry and destructive?

They take turns. Both of them can have quite a temper when pushed too hard.

93. What is their favourite board game to play?

They’re both big Pai Sho fans, but can get into any kind of strategy game. Nobody really likes to play them though, they're too good.

94. Who accidentally sets something on fire?

Asami. Iroh hasn’t had a fire accident since he was four.

95. Who has the car ready while the other is robbing the store?

Asami. She’d rob the store, too, but no way is she letting Iroh drive.

96. What artist/group did they go to for their first concert?

Iroh booked a private box at the Republic City Opera, thinking that was an impressive thing he should do on a date. It turns out neither of them like opera, and by the end they were both making fun of it.

97. Who sleep talks?

Asami. Iroh thinks it’s funny.

98. Who is the more social one?

Asami, by a long shot.

99. What are their karaoke songs?

Neither of them would really sing karaoke, but Iroh cannot hold his liquor like at all so if he ever got really plastered Asami might be able to drag him up there. By which point he’d be too far gone to have an opinion on the song and would sing just about anything.

100. Who would get up on stage and make a fool of themselves just to make the other laugh?

Asami.

#irosami #this is all canon now #kidding

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peachithings · 3 years

Text

Fix You

title: fix you

pairing: jackson wang x reader

genre: angst, fluff

warning/s: mentions of heartbreak, cheating, depressing thoughts in reader’s mind

word count: 2.3k

prompt: what happens when a certain jackson wang comes crashing into your life amidst your darkest days? will his bright personality be enough to pull you out from the dark?

a/n: italicized sentences, phrases, words are y/n’s thoughts.

twenty-twenty is coming to an end yet it only brought you pain and misery.

why? why did twenty-twenty only bring me all of these stuff? the stuff that only made me crawl deeper into my dark world. have i done wrong things in my past life that it had suddenly caught up with me and decided to haunt me in this life?

you had all these thoughts. thoughts that did not seem to have an end. thoughts that has gotten to you and has put you in your own misery on loop.

it all started as soon as twenty-twenty arrived.

it was the annual new year’s eve party with your friends and you decided to invite your boyfriend at the time to the party. in the early hours of the party, everything was going great. you were happy with both your friends and with the love of your life, or so you thought.

midnight was fast approaching and you were trying to find your so-called boyfriend; looking everywhere while the clock struck twelve and everyone around you shouting “Happy New Year” and jumping for joy, your world seemed to suddenly stop when you saw your boyfriend making out with another girl who is obviously not you. you slowly walk through the sea of people hoping and praying that it was the alcohol in your system that led you to this illusion. but unfortunately, it was not. heck! you were not even close to being drunk. when you were close enough to the two bodies intimately intertwined, your eyes tearing up and mind was definitely not deceiving you.

“in yeop?!” you shouted while tears threaten to spill from your eyes.

he looked at you and was stunned to see you.

“babe? I can explain...” He replied in panic.

not needing to hear anything from him, you stormed out of the party with tears streaming down your face. he was quick to leave the woman he was with earlier and rushed to follow you.

he caught up with you and held you on your wrist. “babe...” he said.

cringing to his word, you quickly freed your wrist from his touch. “don’t you dare ‘babe’ me.” you said angrily. “you have no right anymore.” you added.

“____, please. don’t do this. i’m sorry.”

“sorry?!” you snapped. “do you think your ‘sorry’ could fix anything?” you added.

“let’s end this, in yeop.” you sighed.

he sighed. without a word he turned around and left.

wow?! really? just like that? he left. he didn’t even put up a fight. he didn’t even fight for me and our relationship?

what’s wrong with me? am i not enough?

am i not worth the fight? was i ever worth it?

and that moment was the start. it was the start of your negative and toxic thoughts creeping to your head.

a few days after that incident, your friends had urged you to join them for lunch out. at first, you were hesitant to go out with them since it had only been days since you broke up with your ex. but knowing your friends, they won’t take no for an answer from you so instead, you decided to go without a fight.

your friends had messaged you for the location of the restaurant and when you arrived you spotted your group of friends already at the table but there was one person who you are unfamiliar with.

when you got to the table, you greeted everyone with a smile, “hi, everyone!”

They all turned their attention to you and greeted you back.

“oh, ____! this is jackson.” yugyeom said. “jackson, ______.” he added.

you gave him a warm smile and said, “nice to meet you.”

“nice to meet you too.” jackson replied and returned your warm smile.

you then proceeded to the seat unoccupied just next to jackson. and the lunch began. they caught up with each other and with each passing minute, you got to know jackson and got along with him too.

truth be told, you’ve never welcomed just anyone to be in your circle. it had always been yugyeom, jinyoung, mark, jaebeom, youngjae, bambam and you. sure you’ve had your fair share of boyfriends but you knew very well that they don’t last long. but with your ex boyfriend, in yeop, it was different at least it was for you. you’ve never fell that fast and that hard for any of your past lovers.

it must have been jackson’s bright personality that made you welcome him smoothly into your little circle. or maybe the way he smiled all throughout lunch. or maybe because he kept mood of the lunch so light and happy making all those funny remarks and stories that he shared here and there.

deep down you knew it was all of those traits that made you welcome him. you were drawn to his bright personality like it was your lighthouse guiding you to the right path in your dark world.

at the end of your lunch out with friends, you and jackson exchanged numbers.

this jackson guy looks like he’s a good guy.

he made me laugh every chance he got.

his personality is so bright that he’s like a lighthouse that suddenly went in my world to guide me out of my dark world.

but will he be able to handle all my demons?

what if he doesn’t want a friend that could be a burden to him?

what if he ran away too just like everyone else before him?

that night, your mind had started yet another turmoil in your little head. thoughts have started to run through your head again.

jackson is just a new addition to your circle and yet your mind had already started to overthink every little thing.

just like any other times, you couldn’t stop your thoughts from making all these unnecessary assumptions. so you just laid there on your bed until you fell asleep.

the next few months were like hell since it was peak season. working as a front desk manager at a five star hotel has been very demanding lately with welcome amenities for the hotel’s VIPs arriving the next week were getting rushed to be finalized by your department so that it could be evaluated by the kitchen department before week ends and it was stressing the hell out of you but you still continued to do your job until you heard your phone’s notification bell indicating that you have new messages that came through. you smiled when you read that the messages were from jackson.

jackson: hey

jackson: how are you?

jackson: just wandering of you’d want to hang on fri?

you checked the notifications and thought it was cute that he’s checking up on you and asking to hang out. you thought he was cute. you quickly replied to his messages and put your phone inside your coat’s inside pocket and went back to work.

me: hey

me: i’m doing good, just packed with work rn and u?

me: fri? sounds good, send me the deets

you heard your phone dinged yet again and thought it was jackson texting you the details for friday and thought that you’ll just read them once you’re out from work.

the last few hours of work were excruciating and drained you. but nonetheless, you were so happy work’s over!

you quickly whipped out your phone from your bag to read the messages that you thought were from jackson but you were shocked when you saw who it was from.

it was from your ex, the ex that cheated on you during new year’s eve. and you immediately had a pang in your chest like the pain you felt a few months ago were back again and you’re to square one.

in yeop: hey y/n

in yeop: are you home?

in yeop: i’m in front of your building

for you, the thing with in yeop is that you just can’t seem to let him go thus, why you can’t get over him. that even after the incident you still missed him.

i was doing just fine without you. i mean i do miss you from time to time but it’s only normal to miss someone you loved right?

why can’t i move on from you and be happy?

why do you have to come back and haunt me?

the thoughts were starting yet again. you decided it was best to go home since you were so tired from work and replied to in yeop.

me: hey

me: just got out from work, i’ll be home in a few

me: why?

you locked back your phone and headed home. your body wanted nothing more that to hit the hay and call it a night.

in yeop: nothing

in yeop: i just missed you

in yeop: i miss you y/n

and just like that, you were coming back to him.

the days went by far too fast for your liking and it was suddenly thursday night.

after that night with in yeop, he never called or messaged you back. he ghosted you and as soon as you realized it, thoughts flooded through your head again. and just like any other days, it wouldn’t stop.

i’m so disgusting.

i let him use me. i let him use me like a slut that i am.

why? why did i even caved in?

i’m so stupid.

i feel so dirty.

i just want everything to stop.

i want it to end, i want the pain to end.

it also didn’t help that you just lurked on in yeop’s instagram and saw that he already has a girlfriend. it made you sick.

you decided it would be best to file in a sick leave for tomorrow.

your thoughts didn’t let you sleep. you cried every pain you felt but it still didn’t get better. you cried like there was no tomorrow.

the morning came, the sun was rising and that’s when you felt all the exhaustion from crying your eyes out. you passed out.

you woke up in an unfamiliar place.

you hear some kind of a monitor and you slowly opened up your eyes.

“hey, how are you?” he said.

the voice you recognized to be jackson’s.

when your eyes were fully adjusted, you recognized the room to be at a hospital.

“why am i here?” you questioned. “aren’t we supposed to hang out later?” you added.

“yeah, about that.” jackson started.

“i know we were supposed to meet up at the arcade but i really wanted to pick you up from your apartment so i went there earlier to surprise you.” he added.

“but i continuously ringing your doorbell and your phone. you weren’t picking up so phoned gyeom asking if anyone knew your whereabouts. but gyeom didn’t know either and told me you filed a sick leave at work.” he continued.

“so basically, he just gave me the passcode to your apartment so that i could check if you were in and i saw you on your couch.”

“i tried to wake you up but you weren’t waking up. checked your pulse and it was faint so i called an ambulance.”

“the doctor’s said that you were over-fatigued.” he frowned.

“don’t frown at me, jackson.” you pouted.

“how can i not? i was so worried.” he responded.

“you..” you started. “you were worried? about me?” you asked.

“i was hella worried. you didn’t wake up for a full day.” he pouted.

“and i know this is not a great situation to say this.” he started. “i initially intended to say this to you after our hang out. but for some obvious reason, it was postponed. and i really need this to get it off my chest already.” he rambled.

he took a deep breath and said, “y/n, i like you. like, i like like you.”

“like, i want to date you kind of ‘i like you’. y’know?”

you smiled at him. you thought it was really cute. you thought he was cute for getting nervous confessing to you.

“really? you like me in that way?” you intrigued.

“yes, i do.” he smiled. “as cheesy as it may sound, that day, during our lunch. the first time we met, i was already drawn to you.”

you felt a sudden surge of heat on cheeks.

“you’re cute when you blush.” jackson complimented.

jackson took care of you that day at the hospital. he listened to your needs.

you didn’t realize it at first but it was the first time in a long time that your mind did not think of any negative thoughts.

for the first time in a long time, you were smiling and laughing genuinely.

jackson noticed.

“wow, that smile and laugh was different.” he said.

“it was a lot different from the first time we met.”

you didn’t know how but he noticed. he noticed something that no one has ever noticed before.

“i...” you started.

“you can tell me when you’re ready.” jackson interrupted.

“for now, i’ll do my very best to be here for you. to make you feel safe.” he added.

“i will never leave. i’ll stay for as long as you want and need me to.”

“i’ll be here to listen to you, i can be your human diary if you need me to.”

“and i will try to fix you.”

it made you tear up. your heart was fluttering. your heart was full and it felt great.

twenty-twenty was only half way through and jackson was the one thing that you were grateful to have come crashing into your life.

“i know you said that i can tell you when i’m ready.” you said. “and i’m ready now.”

“i don’t want to hide anything from you.”

“i want you to stay with me, while i fix myself.”

and from that moment forward, it was start of something new.

A/N: Thank you for reading! If you happen to like my work, you can support me by buying me coffee hehe

Also, you can send me requests, your thoughts and opinions here

#jackson #jackson wang #got7 #jackson angst #jackson fluff #got7 jackson #got7 jackson wang #team wang #in yeop #hwang in yeop #han seo jun

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jaybirdxarsenal · 4 years

Text

Disruption (Tim Drake x Reader)

Requested by @vintageroses1014516: Hi! I love your writing! Hope you’re staying safe during this crazy time! I was wondering if you could perhaps do a Tim x reader where they’ve been going through a rocky time in their relationship and reader decides to try and make things right by surprising him at WE only to see Tim in a compromising position and run away? It can be an angst or fluff ending (I’m not picky). Thank you so much! 💕

Word count: 1k

MASTERLIST.

Tag list: currently there isn’t one, but if you want to be tagged in my writings leave a message ^^

***

It’s hard for you to admit but it’s obvious that you and Tim are not like in the beginning. Things have changed, you and Tim changed and you reached a point where you don’t even feel like you are in a relationship anymore. Tim has to do his own thing in regards leading the Teen Titans, dealing with the mad men of Gotham and working at Wayne Enterprises, while you were concerned with college, having a part-time job while studying and also helping out the local animal shelters.

It happened slowly, none of you even realised. But you started talking less and seeing each other less and by the time you came to the realisation that this is happening you were afraid that might be too late.

You were both fine with the situation until you had a petty fight a couple of nights ago when you finally manage to meet after such a long time. It was over something so insignificant that you can’t even remember what it was, but it was, on the other hand, so significant as it made you both realise that you cannot stand being with each other anymore.

It was impossible not to think what is going to happen between you and Tim, and even though you were used to him not being around all the time, he was there most of the time when you needed support, and you were always there for him whenever he needed someone to listen and be there for him.

Looking back, you two shared such beautiful moments that it makes you cry only thinking about them. What happened? How come none of you saw that this relationship is falling apart? Does he even love you anymore? Do you still love you?

After a lot of thinking you told yourself that this cannot be the end of you and him. You love him too much to simply let him go like that and you were ready to fight for this relationship, for it to go back to normal.

It was Tuesday, a pretty sunny day for Gotham City. You only have classes in the morning and you don’t have any shifts today, so you prepared yourself since last night for the meeting you’re going to have with Tim today. He doesn’t even know that you are going to be there, you couldn’t text him, let alone call him. It was such a strange feeling, that you were not comfortable to text the man you love, the man you shared a bed with and the one who knows every detail about you.

You have to do this.

Perhaps you stayed outside the building for 10 minutes just staring at it, thinking that Tim is inside the building, hopefully. It was easy to get a pass in as everyone was used to seeing you visit Tim before your disruption. Then, you found yourself staring at the door of his office for another 10 minutes, afraid. Of what?

The love of your life was in there and you were not prepared for what was going to happen. He was either going to agree with you that this relationship is worth fighting for, or he will disagree. You were afraid of rejection, of losing him, of spending so much time recovering after a potential break up. That’s the reason you probably decided to ignore your gut and stick to this helpless relationship. You can’t lose him.

As you got closer to the door you couldn’t help but hear giggling from the inside. A girl. There was a girl inside. Perhaps she is a friend? She doesn’t sound very familiar to you, it’s definitely not someone from the Teen Titans nor his family.

‘’Someone might see us.’’ You heard. Then you heard kisses.

You could feel your heart starting to break, but there was still home that he wasn’t behind that door. Your Tim could never do that to you. But does your Tim still exist or is he just a memory? Maybe there were just two of his employees making out. You couldn’t help but find excuses for him.

And, man, how shitty the walls in these company are, you can hear everything! So many thoughts and feelings, but you didn’t care anymore and opened the door.

There he was. Your boyfriend, or ex-boyfriend? You don’t know how to refer to him now. Sitting comfortably in his chair with Tamara Fox in his arms. Can you even blame him? You weren’t exactly expecting him to go behind your back and cheat you, but for some reason you are not even surprised. Just disappointed. If he cared about you he could’ve at least bother to break up with you properly.

‘’[Y/N]…’’ That’s the only thing he said.

Tamara was looking at you confused. You assumed that, perhaps, she doesn’t even know that you two are still dating. Tim, on the other hand, looks sad. Or that’s what you’re telling yourself. You can see that he is disappointed with himself, or maybe with how the things turned out, but that’s about it. She got up from his arms looking confused at both of you, and Tim is just staring blankly at the papers on his office. His eyes moved to face yours when you started talking.

‘’I guess this is it…’’ You almost whispered. But he heard you just fine.

That was the only thing you were able to say. You closed the door behind you and left. By the time you exited the building tears were falling on your checks. Deep inside you were hoping that he will come running after you and give some kind of explanation. Anything! You would’ve taken anything, but not that. Not silence. He could’ve told you that he was lonely, that he didn’t knew what he was doing, that is was just an adventure and it will never happen again. You stayed in front of the building for that it seemed a lifetime, but in real time it was just 5 minutes.

You turned around to face the building again, hoping that you will see him coming towards you.

But he wasn’t coming. No one was.

And you knew.

And he knew.

This is it.

This is the end of you and him.

#tim drake #red robin #tim drake x reader #red robin x reader #we #wayne enterprises #batboys x reader #batboys #bat family #bat family x reader #tamara fox #dc comics #batman #robin #timothy drake

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limjaeseven · 3 years

Text

Find You (6/8)

VERSE 2: PART 6 OF 8

Pairing: Jinyoung X Jaebeom ft Seulgi of Red Velvet

Genre: Fluff, Angst

Word Count: 1,974

Summary: Jaebeom tries to apologise to Jinyoung, but what happens when the younger doesn't accept the apology?

Warning(s): sad/angry JJP

It felt like fate was laughing at Jaebeom as he tried everything he could to get in touch with Jinyoung. The guilt just magnified so much more as he felt what it must have been like in Jinyoung’s shoes while he was hospitalised.

He saw Jinyoung on the news every couple of days, the film had become quite a big hit and people had been curious about the fresh face in it. Jinyoung looked like he was excited about the success of the film and his future in the industry but only Jaebeom knew his smile didn’t really reach his eyes, having known the man all his life.

Mark was helpful in getting updates about Jinyoung since he had joined the same agency as Jinyoung after college. He told Jaebeom about how miserable Jinyoung had been in the four months he had been admitted and recovering, about how he never left the house and spent his free time crying.

It took a week after the premiere for Jaebeom to muster enough courage to show up at Jinyoung’s door. It felt like he was eighteen again, his breath still smelling of alcohol after that first fight they had in high school. He sighed heavily as he pressed his fingers against the doorbell, not hard enough to ring it. After ten minutes of panicking and almost leaving twice, he finally let himself ring the bell, knowing that he would have to finally face Jinyoung.

Seeing Jinyoung’s messy hair and bloodshot eyes made Jaebeom forget all the excuses he’d come up with to tell the younger. He looked like he had lost a significant amount of weight, his skin pale and forehead creased.

“Hyung?” The shock in Jinyoung’s voice was clear and it hurt Jaebeom.

“Jinyoungie”

“You don’t want me and that’s okay” Jinyoung chanted, as if he had trained himself to say that if he met Jaebeom ever again. The tears welled up immediately in both their eyes, for two very different reasons.

“I’m so sorry Jinyoung, I didn’t mean to disappear like that, I’m so sorry” Jaebeom chanted over and over again but Jinyoung didn’t seem to be hearing a single word the elder was saying.

“You don’t want me and that’s okay”

“No it’s not Jinyoung. I love you, so much, I messed up. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness but I’m so incredibly sorry” Jinyoung seemed to snap out of head at that. Looking down at Jaebeom, his eyes narrowed and nothing short of anger took over his mind.

“Where were you for so long? Do you know how worried I was? I went to your apartment and they said you’d moved out. What happened to us being best friends, hyung?” Jaebeom didn’t know how to answer the younger, he couldn’t tell him the truth, that much he knew, but he couldn’t let go of Jinyoung either. He had to take full responsibility for breaking his heart, he just hoped he would forgive him like last time.

“You’re still my best friend Jinyoung, but life was happening, I didn’t have time to think about anything, Seulgi was the only reason I am alive and sane. You know how I am, remember how it was like when I was editing Icarus?” He lied through his teeth and he knew he’d have to pay for it someday but Jaebeom would do anything to keep Jinyoung happy.

“That doesn’t mean you can’t give me a single call or tell me you’re moving! I had to ask Seulgi to give you my premiere tickets because I couldn’t find you. I wanted you on set so bad, I wanted you to be with me as I shot my first professional movie. I was there for you when it mattered to you, but when it was something for me, that mattered to me, you were nowhere to be seen. How is that something a best friend does, hyung?” Jinyoung spewed words that hurt and Jaebeom deserved them, he thought.

“I was there at the premiere” Jaebeom muttered.

“So I hadn’t just made that up had I? But you weren’t there during the screening were you? I waited for so long hyung, and all you did was show up after everything was over, and you don’t even have a proper excuse for it. If I don’t matter to you, say it clearly. Say it so that I don’t get my hopes up again, say it so that I don’t wait for you to call me back, say it so that I don’t wait for you, forever” Angry tears rolled down Jinyoung’s cheeks as he tried his best to keep himself together.

“I need space. Last time I let you go way too easily, we were kids back then. I need some time to think about things, hyung. I’ll call you” Is all Jinyoung said before shutting the door in Jaebeom’s face.

Jaebeom didn’t remember how he got home, he just remembered that the moment he stepped in he said the words ‘we’re over’ before collapsing onto his bed. He didn’t remember how much he cried, all he knew was that he would fall asleep every few hours and wake up to cry some more. It took him over two days to finally get out of bed and eat some food, drink some water.

He knew it wasn’t really his fault and that telling Jinyoung would basically solve everything but he shut that thought down as soon as it came to him. The damage that it would do would be so much worse. He realised then what a horrible person he was to leave Seulgi, someone who had been by his side through tough times like that. He imagined Jinyoung like that, waiting outside the hospital, not knowing if Jaebeom would come out alive or not and it was enough to remind himself to never tell Jinyoung.

Without the permission to contact Jinyoung, Jaebeom attempted to get back to his normal life once more but it wasn’t easy. The first thing he did was apologise to Seulgi, he knew they were over and Jaebeom knew in his heart that what she had done to Jinyoung, even if it wasn’t her fault, would never allow him to look at her the same way again. He apologised to her parents too, who helped him through the hospitalisation. They were nice enough to forgive him, which just made Jaebeom feel more guilty because he didn’t feel worthy of their kindness.

Jaebeom didn’t know the apartment he was in like his own, Seulgi having moved in after he was admitted. Fortunately she had rented it only for a few months since they expected him to be out by then meaning he had just enough time to look for a new place.

Scrolling through some listings, he noticed the old apartment he shared with Jinyoung vacant. He didn’t think twice before calling up to move back up. By the end of the next month he was back in his room, just the one next to his was now empty.

The days without Jinyoung blurred together into Jaebeom overworking himself and coming home to cry till he passed out. On the days he felt extra lonely, he slept in Jinyoung’s old room, imagining his scent on the sheets, the warmth of his embrace on days that they slept together.

Seulgi had become Jaebeom’s everything in such little time, he didn’t think of anything else. He realised he hadn’t texted Jinyoung for three months straight even before he was hospitalised. They had been such big parts of each other’s lives it was no wonder that Jinyoung felt replaced. The guilt seemed endless to Jaebeom and he felt like he deserved it all. Part of him wanted that Jinyoung never forgave him for what he did to the younger.

It took three months, three months of Jaebeom not leaving his apartment unless it was for work, three months of him barely eating anything, of him crying himself to sleep, for Jinyoung to call. Jaebeom had finally taken a day off after his boss noticed his state and the distance between him and Seulgi and forced the man to take some rest, when his phone rang.

Expecting it to be his mom, Jaebeom reached over for his phone that was lying on his bedside table and placed it to his ear without checking the caller ID.

“Hyung?” The sound of Jinyoung’s voice made Jaebeom sit up immediately from where he had been lying in bed, his brain malfunctioning after not having expected it.

“Jinyoungie” Jaebeom knew how broken his voice sounded but he couldn’t help it, his throat was dry from the shock.

“Can we meet?” Jaebeom immediately dragged himself out of bed as he made a mental note of the café Jinyoung asked him to come to. He cut the call before running around the room to find something decent to wear. The dark circles were too prominent and however much concealer he put on them, they were still visible so he threw on a pair of sunglasses before heading out the door.

Jinyoung was already there when Jaebeom reached the place, sitting by the window, dressed in an oversized sweater and jeans. Jaebeom couldn’t help but smile looking at the younger, though he didn’t look like he was doing too well, he still looked perfect to Jaebeom. The feelings he’d had about Jinyoung all his life surfaced as he let out a sigh and pushed the door of the café open.

“I’m sorry it took so long, hyung” Jaebeom just smiled, pulling sunglasses off to look Jinyoung in the eyes as they sat in front of each other. Jaebeom would have waited for the rest of his limited days if he had to for Jinyoung, he knew that through and through.

“I don’t blame you, Jinyoungie. I want to say once more that I’m really sorry for what I did” Jinyoung nodded, his expression one of understanding. As much as they fought, Jinyoung could never really be mad at Jaebeom, the man was his entire world.

“I still am not over everything that happened but I know you’re sorry and I want us to get back to how we were. I miss you, hyung. So much, it hurts. I know you would want to spend your time with Seulgi but can we at least try to find some time for each other?” Jaebeom’s face faltered as Jinyoung mentioned his ex.

“Seulgi and I, we broke up. More like I broke up with her but we’re not a thing anymore” Jinyoung looked surprised.

“Oh, I’m sorry, hyung”

“Its fine, Jinyoungie. I always have time for you, yes I’ve not proved that over the last few months but you’re my best friend, Jinyoung, and I’d give you the whole world if I could. I moved back into our old apartment, you know the address, come by anytime you want to. Here-“ Jaebeom said, digging into his pocket for his spare key he had grabbed on the way out, “With this you won’t even need me to be home to get in.”

“You moved into our old place? Alone?”

“I just missed it a lot, no other place really felt like home after I moved out of there” Jaebeom confessed.

Things weren’t fine between them, but they knew that there was not a life for them without each other. Jaebeom made sure to visit Jinyoung on set as often as he could and attended every one of his premieres to show that he really wanted to make amends.

Jinyoung did eventually move back in with Jaebeom, and as a way to let Jaebeom make up for his mistakes, made him promise to take him to the T Junction in Hokkaido that Jinyoung found online which the elder happily agreed to.

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sojourner-between-worlds · 3 years

Text

Weight of the World

Fandom: Alex Rider/ Hawaii Five-0

Summary: Healing is an upward battle; taking the first step is an act of bravery. OR Five times Alex didn’t want help but got it anyway plus the one time he did ask.

A/N: I have been working on this for, like, three months. I hope it reflects that, lol. Title(s) from Citizen Soldier’s Weight of the World. Set early in the series, beginning the end of January and running through the middle of March, during the first year Alex is living with Steve. Those content warnings below are not there for funnsies. Proceed with caution.

Series: Don’t You Worry, Child

Content Warnings: self-harm, panic attacks, depression, general self-depreciation

. . . .

i. sometimes it’s so hard to breathe

Alex stared blankly at the screen of his laptop, the letters of the text he was supposed to be reading blurring together. Some days he felt like he was living under water, and apparently today was one of them. Everything felt distorted and not quite real, like he was simply drifting along wherever the tides felt like taking him. He was more grateful than ever on days like today that Steve wasn’t forcing him to attend school in person so it wasn’t a big deal when he couldn’t seem to focus on anything.

The front door clicked open then closed again and Alex only half-registered the greeting that accompanied it. Steve appeared in the doorway a moment later, a frown creasing his brow as he glanced at the laptop on the dining table. “I’d ask how school is going, but I can see for myself. You haven’t made any progress?”

The words were spoken softly and the logical part of Alex’s brain knew Steve wasn’t upset with him. Regardless, anger flashed hot his chest and he slammed the screen down over the keyboard with far more force than necessary. “Obviously.”

Steve sighed. “Alex --.”

“Look, I don’t need a lecture,” he snapped, standing up with so much force he sent this chair topping over behind him.

Steve held up his hands in a placating gesture. “Hey, I’m not upset; I’m just trying to understand.”

“Well, you can’t, so stop trying. I couldn’t focus so I didn’t get anything done. That’s all there is to it.”

“Okay.” Steve’s voice was still soft, gentle. “That’s all you had to say, buddy. It’s alright.”

Alex knew his anger was irrational but he didn’t know where it had come from or even why it was there. He did know that it was making his chest tight and it was getting harder to breathe.

Oh. Oh no. Not now.

He needed to sit back down but his chair was on its side and he was frozen in place.

“Alex, are you okay?”

Crap. “‘m fine.” The words came out in a wheeze that he wasn’t even sure Steve heard.

“Clearly that’s a lie.” Oh. Steve had heard him. “Let me help you --.”

Nonononono. Before he knew what he was doing, Alex had reached out and pushed Steve away from him, stumbling back a couple of steps himself, only keeping from tumbling to the floor by catching the edge of the table with one hand. “Don’t!”

“Okay -- hey, it’s okay. I wasn’t going to touch you and I won’t if you don’t want me to, Alex.”

Oh. Alex tried to suck in a breath -- tried to stop this from getting any worse -- and choked on it instead. Still, he had done this a hundred times on his own; he didn’t need help.

“Tell me five things you know, Alex.”

“What?” he asked, brow creased in confusion.

“Trust me. Tell me five things you know -- doesn’t matter what they are, just any five things.”

Without thinking, he blurted out the most prominent thing on this mind: “I’m having a panic attack.”

A soft huff followed by, “Sure are, buddy. That’s one; four more.”

Four more things he knew; what else besides that? Now that he was aware of the problem, it was difficult to think of anything other than that he couldn’t breathe. “I’m...in Hawaii?” Lame; that was lame but it was all he could come up with.

Despite his answer, Steve’s voice was still steady, unmocking. “Yes, you are. Three more.”

His thoughts were scattered and it was difficult to pull anything out of the incomplete bits floating around. He would have to make do with the ones he could catch. “I’m way behind in school…”

“But you’re trying. Two more.”

“I love living here.”

“Glad to hear it. One more.”

“I’m terrified of having to leave.” What. No. Why would you say that --.

A soft sigh. “Not if I have anything to say about it. That’s five. Now, open your eyes and tell me four things you can see -- other than yourself and me.”

Open his eyes? ...Oh. Alex had no idea when he had closed them, but they definitely were. It took more effort than he thought it should to peel his eyelids back, but he finally managed after what felt like a very long time.

“There we go. Four things you can see, Alex.”

Glancing around, this was decidedly easier. “The chair, the table, my laptop -- uhm.” Maybe not. It was a simple request; why couldn’t he even do that much?

“It’s okay. Look a little farther away from you. One more thing.”

Swallowing around the tightness in his throat, he turned his head slightly and lifted his gaze. “The desk.”

“Good. Three things you can feel.”

The first one was easy. His left hand was still gripping the table from when he’d stumbled back. “The table.”

“Can you describe how it feels to me? It doesn’t have to be a lot.”

Alex brushed the pads of his fingers over the surface. “Smooth but you can still feel the grain.”

“Two more things you can feel.”

Alex sucked in a breath that still rattled in his lungs, still not enough air but at least it was something. “My sock is bunched up in my shoe. It’s uncomfortable.”

Steve snorted. “Then why haven’t you fixed it? Nevermind; don’t answer that. One more thing.”

“Uhm, my shirt? It’s one of the new ones so it’s still soft.”

“Good. Two things you can hear.”

He paused, forcing himself to listen for something outside of this own pounding heart and rasping breaths. “The clock in the kitchen...and the ocean.”

“And one thing you can smell.”

He took another breath -- through his nose this time -- and while his chest was still tight, he found that he could. “The stew in the oven.”

“It does smell good. Thanks for making it by the way.” A pause. “Feel better?”

“A little. Still hurts to breathe, but I’ll live. I’m sorry for snapping.”

“You were panicking. It’s okay. Is there anything else I can do to help?”

There was, but he didn’t want to admit it after what had happened. “A hug?” If he were honest, it would have helped sooner had he allowed it instead of having a visceral reaction to the idea of being touched. He wasn’t sure why he had reacted that way, but he could mull it over later.

“I think I can manage that. Come here.”

For once Alex didn’t hesitate to step around the table and accept the comfort he was being offered. He hadn’t realized just how much he needed this until Steve’s arms closed around him, one hand at the back of his head, and suddenly he couldn’t breathe again -- not because he was panicking; oh, no -- this time because he was crying. Much to his horror, he couldn’t stop.

The tears didn’t last long, but Alex was still beyond embarrassed. He was mortified and exhausted and wanted nothing more than to stay right where he was forever, but he knew he would have to move sooner rather than later.

Steve sighed above him. “I feel like there’s a whole lot going on here. You wanna talk about it?”

“No,” Alex mumbled. How could he possibly talk about what was wrong when he didn’t know that himself?

“Figured as much, but that wasn’t really a request, buddy. I can’t help if I don’t know what’s going on.”

“Can’t tell you what I don’t know either.”

“Okay. How about I make you some tea, you can relax for a bit, and we’ll try to figure this out together.”

Taking a deep breath, Alex pulled away and picked up the chair he had knocked over. “I think I’ll sit outside if that’s okay.”

“Of course. I’ll join you in a bit.” Steve turned for the kitchen but hesitated when Alex spoke again.

“Steve?”

“Yeah?”

“Are...are you mad?”

“No, I’m not mad. Why would I be?”

“I didn’t tell you that I’ve been having panic attacks still.”

Steve’s face softened. “Honestly I should have known because you did tell me once before. I should have been paying more attention and noticed you were struggling before now. So, for that, I’m sorry. I do wish you would have talked to me, but I understand why you didn’t. That level of trust takes time to build, but I’m here for the long haul, so you can tell me things when you’re ready to. When the time comes, I’ll be here to help however I can. Alright?”

Alex could only nod in relief. Logically he knew he should have expected that answer, but he was still getting used to this -- didn’t know if he ever truly would get used to having someone around who cared so much.

So many days it was still so hard to breathe but maybe, he thought, with enough time it would finally get easier.

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ii. too worn to fight

Alex knew it was going to be a rough day when he slept through his alarm. Even though he didn’t have to go anywhere, Steve still insisted that he not sleep too late, and normally Alex did fine with it.

But not today apparently.

He lazily watched his phone vibrate with an incoming call from Steve and, somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew he should answer it. The call went to voicemail and he could see he also had a handful of texts from his guardian -- the usual, he was sure, things like ‘did you eat’ and ‘how’s school coming’ -- and the fact that he hadn’t replied had prompted the call. Steve would be worrying about him right now but somehow he couldn’t find it in himself to care.

No, that wasn’t quite right. He did care. It was more like...he didn’t feel anything at all. The fact that Steve was worried seemed to exist on another plain parallel to his own. He cared that Steve was worried, but it was like that worry couldn’t reach him.

His phone vibrated again -- once, short -- to notify him he had a voicemail. He knew he should pick it up and text Steve. If only his arms didn’t feel like lead. Some days he could fight this overwhelming exhaustion that settled into his bones; others, it didn’t seem worth the effort.

Alex didn’t know how long he laid staring at the wall but it was long enough that his plone began to vibrate with another call from Steve.

Again, Alex didn’t move to answer it. Even if he could have summoned the energy to do so, what was he supposed to say? That he hadn’t gotten out of bed yet and couldn’t seem to muster the will to move? Steve would surely drop everything to come home. As much as Alex wanted that -- because he suddenly realized that he did -- he couldn’t stand the thought of the man abandoning his work when there was nothing objectively wrong. At least this way maybe Steve would stay at work.

The call went to voicemail again, and Alex let his eyes slip closed. Maybe if he could sleep just a little longer then he would have the energy to text Steve back…

The next thing Alex knew, calloused fingers were running through his hair. Sighing contentedly, he was happy for the moment to believe that it was now late enough in the day that Steve should be home by now. He didn’t want to consider that Steve had left early because of him.

“You awake, bud?”

“Hmm.” He didn’t want to be. Somehow he was still exhausted.

Steve was quiet for a moment. “I can see you’re having a hard time right now, but I can’t let you stay in bed all day.”

Alex knew it was childish but he didn’t care; he let out a whine anyway. Now he wished he had managed to reply to those texts. He could have bought himself at least a little more time.

“I know, I know. But trust me: you’ll feel better for it. So I need you to get up, get changed, and come downstairs. I’m going to make you something to eat, and then we’re gonna marathon those movies you keep telling me I need to see. Okay?”

He blinked his eyes open and noted that Steve at least had the decency to look remorseful for doing this to him. “Can’t move.”

“I’ll help you. You don’t have to do this alone, Alex. We’ll get you through this together.”

Alex sighed as Steve gripped his arm and pulled him up. He couldn’t fight this alone, but maybe with Steve’s help, he could still get through it.

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iii. hope you know I tried

Alex stared out the window as Kukui High came into view, swallowing around the lump in his throat. This had always been the plan -- that he would take some time “off,” learning remotely, before eventually returning in person -- but that didn’t mean he had to like it. Steve hadn’t said a word about it, but Alex knew the school was putting pressure on the man to get Alex back in the classroom. Trying to relieve some of the stress on Steve’s shoulders, Alex had resigned himself to his fate.

He couldn’t stop his hands from shaking as Steve pulled up to the front of the building. He really did not want to do this.

“Alex? Are you sure you’re ready to go back?”

Taking as deep of a breath as he could manage, he reached for the bag at his feet with one hand and for the door handle with the other. “Yeah. See you later,” he said, jumping out and slamming the door behind him before Steve could protest.

He could do this -- he had to do this. If he wasn’t able to be physically present by the end of the semester, they would have to find another option for the next year. Most likely he would end up in a homeschooling program, which honestly didn’t sound half-bad to him but… He needed to do this.

He needed to feel normal again.

As soon as he had stepped into the building, Alex knew he had made a mistake. There were only a few minutes until the late bell would ring, and the hallways were crowded with students, rushing to their first class of the day. Alex felt his heart hammering against his ribs as his anxiety spiked. There were too many people and not enough exits. Someone brushed against his arm as they passed and his skin burned from the brief contact. There were too many people, and he was suffocating.

Alex ducked into the restroom, thankful to find it empty. He dropped his bag to the floor and slid down the wall until he was sitting, his head falling back as he tried to take deep breaths. The empty space around him helped, but with the clarity came the horrible realization: he couldn’t do this.

The bell rang loud and shrill in the silence.

Great, now I’m late. Not that it matters, he thought bitterly. You tried, and you failed. What’s Steve going to think of that, huh?

He wanted to tell Steve even less than he wanted to make another attempt to get to class. But he also knew he couldn’t just sit here. Steve had told the school Alex was coming in today so if he didn’t show up -- if he just skipped -- they would call Steve and he would find out anyway.

Reluctantly, he pulled his phone out of his pocket. But what was he supposed to say? I’m sorry but I didn’t even make it to first period? Steve had been placing an emphasis on being completely honest lately, but this… He had promised he would be fine, that he could do this. How was he supposed to admit that he actually couldn’t?

With a huff, he quickly typed out a message and hit send before he could think too much about it. He shouldn’t have been surprised when his phone vibrated less than a minute later, Steve asking if Alex was able to call. He wanted to say no, but he didn’t have a reason to do so.

Steve picked up on the first ring. “What’s wrong? You okay?”

“Would I be calling you in the middle of class if I was fine?”

Static echoed over the line as Steve sighed. “I’m on my way back. Can you tell me what happened?”

“Rather not. It’s stupid.”

“I can promise you it’s not.”

Alex hesitated. How could he still be honest without having to admit he’d almost had a panic attack? “Guess I’m just not ready after all.”

“Okay. That’s okay. We can try again another day.”

Alex chewed his lip for a moment. “I’m sorry. I tried -- I really did. I just -- I don’t know.” This was so stupid. Why couldn’t he do this one simple thing?

“I know you did, buddy. It’s okay. I promise.”

He wasn’t convinced, but he could deal with his feelings later. “Okay.”

“Alright. Think you can get yourself down to the office?”

The halls were clear by now; everyone had gotten to class long before. “Yeah.”

“I’m five minutes out, so I’ll see you in a bit.”

As Alex hung up, he let out a defeated sigh, his head falling back against the wall again. Maybe this wasn’t going to be as easy as he had thought after all.

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iv. I can’t forgive

Alex had been cornered and he knew it the moment Steve cleared his throat. Sitting at the dinner table, meal only half eaten, there was nowhere to run.

“Care to explain why I got an email from the school today saying that you failed to take some careers survey thing by the due date?”

“I don’t do due dates?”

“Wrong answer. You’ve known you needed to do it since they agreed to you learning remotely back in January. And I know you didn’t just forget because they said they’d sent you several reminders. Wanna try again?”

Alex shrugged. What was he supposed to say? The truth wasn’t particularly easy to swallow. “Looked at the questions, didn’t know how to answer. So I didn’t.”

“Alex.”

Crap. So much for going with the half-truth version. He should know better than that by now, really. Still… “It’s the truth. What else do you want me to say?”

“It’s only half the truth. We’ve talked about this.”

They had. At length. Multiple times. Didn’t make it any easier, though. Just thinking about it had the anger swelling up in his chest, and he set his fork back on his plate with more force than strictly necessary. “What do you want me to say, then? That MI6 ruined my life and I have no prospects because I’m going to be lucky to pass this year, much less graduate? I couldn’t answer those questions because I don’t know what I’m supposed to do!”

Silence hovered around the table for a moment, Alex staring down at this plate as if the peas there had somehow personally offended him, before Steve spoke again. “It’s alright to not know, Alex -- you do know that, don’t you? You could have put down that you’re undecided. That survey is just meant to give an indication of where you’re at, so it’s okay to not know. You’ll get there, Alex; you’ll figure it out. You’ve got time.”

“And if I never figure it out? What then?”

“You will.”

Alex slammed his hands down onto the table, standing abruptly, his chair screeching against the wood floor from the force. “No, I won’t.”

“Alex --.”

“No!” Alex was yelling now, but he didn’t care. “You don’t know what it’s like, okay? You don’t. They stole my whole life from me. Everything! My family, my friends, my future; and now I’ve got nothing left. I don’t know who I’m supposed to be or what I’m supposed to do, and it’s all their fault!” He was vaguely aware of the angry tears building in the corners of his eyes, blurring his vision, but again he couldn’t find it in himself to care. “Every time I tried to fill it out, all I could think about was them, about how I’d been trained growing up, how my life has never been mine, and I’d just get so angry. I can’t let this go, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

Steve was silent for a moment before rising to his feet and slowly embracing Alex, who couldn’t help but melt into the offered comfort. “You’re wrong you know,” Steve started softly. “They haven’t taken everything from you -- not yet, at least -- not if you don’t let them. I know it’s hard to let go of the things that have hurt you, but the only way they can keep stealing from you now is if you hold onto your bitterness and anger. That doesn’t mean you have to forgive them for what they did to you; it just means that you refuse to let it control you. You still have a future, Alex. You can take it back from them.”

Alex pressed his forehead harder into Steve’s shoulder, two years of memories and emotions flooding his mind. How was he expected to let go of the hatred and regret? How was he supposed to let go of the things that made up so much of who he was now?

Truthfully, he wanted to. But he didn’t know how.

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v. but it feels deserved

Alex wasn’t stupid; he knew that Steve knew even if his guardian hadn’t said as much. Steve was a cop after all; of course he would have noticed the scars on Alex’s arm after more than two months under the same roof. Steve had never said anything, it was true, but Alex figured since the marks were old and fading, Steve wasn’t concerned.

Then again, maybe he was stupid after all. Because there was no way he was going to be able to hide this, whether Steve already knew or not. It was a bit...glaringly obvious.

Sighing in frustration, he watched the blood drip slowly off his arm and into the bathroom sink. He hadn’t meant for this to happen; he had been doing so well for months now. He wasn’t even sure what had triggered this. One moment he’d been working on school stuff, and the next he had found himself craving the release that he had only been able to truly sate one way. Now his wrist burned and he was left to wonder if it would be better to tell Steve directly or wait for the man to notice and bring it up.

Surely Steve would understand...wouldn’t he? He had been so calm and collected about everything so far, but what if this was the last straw?

He didn’t want to tell Steve -- didn’t want to have the same conversation he’d had so many times already. But he couldn’t hide it either; there was no way.

No matter what choice Alex made, Steve would be disappointed. Disgusted? Put off. No one wanted to deal with this sort of thing; that was why he had tried so hard to stop in the first place, but apparently he hadn’t tried hard enough.

If you’re getting kicked out again, then it doesn’t matter if you keep going, does it?

It was a tempting thought, to let himself go back to his most effective (and worst) coping strategy. Alex took a deep breath, grip tightening around the handle of his pocket knife.

And then the front door slammed closed, followed by the ever familiar voice calling out, “I’m home.”

Crap. He lost his grip in surprise and the knife clattered into the sink, his breath getting caught in his throat. Footsteps sounded on the stairs and Alex knew he needed to work fast to get himself cleaned up, but he was frozen in place, heart pounding.

“Alex? You up here?”

“Bathroom.” His voice was shaking and he prayed Steve wouldn’t notice.

No such luck. The footsteps came closer, and when Alex glanced up to the mirror, he could see Steve through the gap, knew Steve could see him too, though not the blood staining the porcelain.

“You okay, kiddo?”

Alex took a deep breath, tried to steady his voice as he spoke. “Fine.”

Silence, then: “You know that wasn’t convincing, right? What’s wrong?”

He could lie -- or try to, at least, but Steve could always tell somehow, even when his voice wasn’t shaking the way it was right now. He couldn’t lie, but he couldn’t tell the truth either.

“Is it okay if I come in?”

Alex knew he could say no and Steve would respect that, but was there any point in refusing? If Steve was going to find out anyway, it might as well be now. “I guess.”

As the door swung open behind him, Alex closed his eyes and waited with baited breath for the inevitable reaction.

But it never came.

A heavy hand landed between his shoulder blades and began to rub back and forth, and after a moment, Steve finally spoke again, voice gentle and without even the barest hint of condemnation or disappointment. “Okay, buddy, this is what’s gonna happen now: we’re gonna get you cleaned up and then we’re gonna go downstairs and relax for a while. You can tell me what happened if you want -- or not; it’s up to you. We’re gonna do whatever we need to in order to get you back to a better headspace, okay?”

Alex felt like crying; he should have known by now that Steve’s response to everything related to him was to help in whatever way was needed, but he still hadn’t expected it. Somehow he had still thought Steve would be done with him after this, that he’d call Mr Kent and Alex would be alone to deal with his demons once again.

He didn’t deserve this though -- the help and care Steve constantly offered. After everything he’d done -- everything he’d been a part of -- it didn’t make sense. For all the hurt he’d caused, pain was what he deserved.

But he couldn’t say any of that; for now, all he could do was nod.

Ten minutes later, wrist cleaned and wrapped, Alex found himself comfortably smushed between Steve and the back of the couch, head resting on the man’s chest, feeling much calmer than he had before.

Despite it all, the urge was still there, itching uncomfortably underneath his skin. He hated it -- hated that the only thing keeping him from scratching it was Steve’s presence.

He didn’t realize he was aggressively rubbing his thumb over the bandages until Steve gently pulled his hands apart.

“You’re going to make it bleed again doing that.” The words were soft, without condemnation, and Alex hated them. He didn’t understand why, but some part of him wanted Steve to react any way except the way he was. Surely he deserved it -- deserved anything other than gentleness and care.

“You still want to.”

The statement caught Alex off-guard. He swallowed thickly around the threatening tears. “Yes.”

“Okay. Tell me what you need from me, buddy. I want to help.”

Alex shrugged. The one thing he needed was exactly what Steve was trying to help him avoid. How could he possibly admit that what he needed most was to hurt himself? It was the only thing that brought the relief he needed. He had only managed to hold off as long as he had by substituting -- digging his knuckles into his thigh hard enough to bruise, snapping a rubber band with enough force to leave welts -- but even then those things had never completely released the pressure, only dulled it enough to keep him from bleeding instead. He knew it was messed up, but that didn’t stop him from needing it.

Steve’s arms tightened around him. “That’s alright. We’ll figure it out. We’re gonna get through this, buddy.”

For the first time since Christmas, Alex wasn’t so sure he believed that.

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+i. leave on the light

Alex sat at the table, staring blankly at the laptop screen in front of him. He was never going to get caught up at this rate, but he couldn’t help it. Focusing was impossible, and he found himself absently running his thumb over the still-healing cuts on his wrist. It might help him refocus -- it had in the past -- but Steve was already worried enough about him. His guardian tried to hide it, but Alex knew better; he knew Steve was keeping an eye out for anything new. There was an obvious solution to the man’s watchfulness, but moving to a different part of his body would make it less accessible, not to mention the guilt he would feel about hiding it after the conversation they’d had.

Steve wasn’t forcing therapy on him but, in exchange, he wanted Alex to come to him when it got bad. Alex didn’t have to talk, but Steve wanted to help him “ride it out” -- whatever that meant. Alex had accepted the compromise, so he couldn’t very well go back on it without feeling guilty. Not to mention that, deep down, he didn’t actually want to keep doing this. It helped, sure, but that didn’t mean he liked doing it.

But he couldn’t seem to stop, either.

All of his life he had never been in control of anything -- from the death of his parents to MI6 to ending up in Hawaii -- but this he’d always had control over. He couldn’t control what had already happened, but he could control how he coped with it all.

Or so he liked to think. But maybe it was time to admit that he couldn’t handle this on his own anymore. That, despite his best efforts, he still had no control over anything. That he needed help.

And, for the first time in forever, he actually knew where to go to get it.

Before he could change his mind about what he was going to do, he stood up, closed his laptop, and walked out the door, barely remembering to grab his keys on the way out. He debated on taking the bus for a moment but ended up grabbing his bike instead. He used to bike all across London; here to the Palace wouldn’t be all that bad, his phone confirming it to be about a forty-five-minute ride. Besides, he could really use the exercise and the distraction from what he was about to do.

As it turned out, forty-five minutes was still too short of a time, and before Alex knew it, he was staring up at Iolani Palace, hands shaking with anxiety. He wasn’t sure what to do now that he was here. He had only been here once before (excluding the ordeal in December) and he’d been with Steve then. Was he supposed to walk in the front door and ask for Five-0? What if they wouldn’t let him in? What if Steve wasn’t even here? What if --?

“Alex?”

Thoughts interrupted, Alex whipped his head around. Steve and Danny had come out of the side door and were now standing there, staring at him.

“What are you doing here? Are you alright?”

Alex opened his mouth to reply but nothing came out. Diverting his gaze to the pavement, he stood in embarrassed silence. He had rehearsed what he wanted to say the entire ride here, but now the words were lodged in his throat, determined to stay there. He didn’t realize Steve had moved closer until he felt the man’s hand on his arm. Looking up from the ground, he found the same caring and concern that was always there. And then the dam broke, tears falling that he hadn’t even realized were building.

“I think I need help.”

Steve pulled him into a tight hug, Alex letting his head fall against Steve’s shoulder as the tears continued. He wasn’t sure how long they’d been standing there before he managed to pull himself together and lean back, wiping away the wet tracks from his cheeks. When he looked up, Steve gave him a small smile, sad but warm, and Danny was nowhere to be seen.

“Let’s get you home; then we’ll talk, okay?”

Alex nodded as he grabbed his bike and turned towards where Steve’s truck was parked.

The ride home was silent, and Alex was grateful for that; it gave him time to calm down and collect his thoughts again. As soon as they arrived home, Steve steered Alex straight to the couch.

“Okay, we’re home. Tell me what you need, Alex.”

“I don’t know -- and I’m not trying to be difficult. I just really don’t know. I just -- I need help. I can’t do this anymore.” Alex was frustrated -- always frustrated -- but as always, Steve was calm and endlessly patient.

“Okay -- that’s alright. Can you explain why you decided you need help?”

Alex didn’t want to do this today any more than he ever did, but he knew he needed to. If he wanted help, he was going to have to open all the dusty boxes tucked into dark corners that he had hid away for so long.

But, maybe for now, opening just one would be enough.

Taking a deep breath, he willed his voice to be steady. “My entire life has been one thing after another that I have had no say in. I need to be in control of something -- anything -- even if it’s only one thing. And the one thing I thought had control over -- well, I’ve realized I really don’t. I hate it. This isn’t what I want at all.”

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Steve nod before he said, “You want to take back your life.”

Oh. He should have realized it sooner, but now Steve’s words from weeks prior had hit him square in the face: he may not be “working” for MI6 or the CIA anymore, but he was still letting them control him. Steve was right again -- as he so often was. Alex needed to learn how to let go so he could heal. He hadn’t been able to admit it before, but maybe he finally could now. “I don’t know how to do that.”

“I know, and that’s okay. I don’t have the answers either, buddy, but I bet we can find someone who does.”

Alex winced. “A shrink you mean.” He still didn’t like the idea anymore than the first time Steve had suggested it months ago, but...he was probably also right.

Steve huffed a laugh. “Yeah, I know how you feel about that, but a professional is going to be for more help than I could ever be on my own. I’m still not going to force you to, Alex, but they can actually help you get to where you want to be. You can take control again, but you’re going to need someone who knows how to do that to show you.”

“I know. Which is why I want to try it out.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I’ll...give it a shot.”

Steve pulled Alex into his side. “I’m glad to hear that, buddy. I will still be here every step of the way.”

For the first time since everything spiralled out of control, Alex felt the weight on his shoulders lift just a little.

. . . .

Tags: @diekatimitdemhutohnehut @just-add-butter

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i-do-trash-fanfictions · 3 years

Text

Character Creation: Thera

@pretty-meekish who made all of these wonderful questions!

(I didn’t do all of them btw. And I will do another sometime about Angelica!)

Guardians name: Thera

Age: I’ve never really thought about age. I’d say 21 in years she’s been a Guardian.

Race: Awoken.

Call signs/alias: Young Wolf

Pronouns: She/her (is fine with being referred to with they/them pronouns, just prefers she/her)

Class: Hunter

Preferred subclass(es): Solar or Stasis

Ghost's name: Scout

Their Vanguard: Still doesn’t have one

Fireteam name: Doesn’t really have a name for her fireteam, since she doesn’t really consider it one in the first place ( because it only has one member)

Fireteam teammates: Angelica (or Ann)

Favorite legendary weapon: Drang

Favorite exotic weapon: Riskrunner

Favorite ornament armor set: Luxe

Do they prefer being close, mid, or long range: Thera’s fine with any of them, though she likes close combat or mid combat the most.

Do they lean more "Element of Surprise" or "Upfront and Aggressive": Upfront and aggressive, definitely.

Strikes, Gambit, or Crucible: Crucible, though she plays Gambit just as much as she plays the Crucible.

Who was their mentor(if they had one. If it is a character you created, tell us about them!): Both Zane-2 and Sora (both characters I created) were like her mentors. Sora was an awoken warlock, who was the oldest of the three, and like a mother figure to Thera. Zane was an exo hunter, and was more like an older brother. Unfortunately, both died fifteen years ago.

Who are they mentoring(if they are. If it is a character you created, tell us about them!): Thera is like a mentor to Angelica, or Ann, a young hunter who arrived at the Tower months ago.

What ship do they have: After Cayde’s death, Thera got the Queen of Hearts.

What is their Sparrow:

Favorite Ghost shell: She really likes the Tangled Lights shell.

Favorite shader: Dust mine was the one she used the most when she was still young, but now she switches between a bunch of them, as long as it has purples or blues.

Favorite color: Purple

Favorite food: Thera secretly likes anything with cheese.

Favorite piece of Pre-Collapse tech(if they've seen any): Zane-2 had a vinyl player that she now owns.

Favorite Pre-Collapse music(if they've heard any): Classic rock.

Favorite place in The Last City(if it's a place you created, give a little description!): Thera doesn’t go to down to the City often. Mostly she chooses to go adventuring instead. But when she does, she goes down to where the children play, usually with Ann and/or Shaxx. They like to play games with her, or hear some of her stories.

Favorite NPC(s): Ikora Rey, Amanda, Crow

Favorite patrol location: Anywhere in the EDZ

5 things your Guardian likes(can be anything): Pizza, MARVEL movies, any kind of oldies music, fiction books (usually fantasy), and pretty earrings (dangle ones, though she doesn’t get the chance to wear them all the time).

Least favorite food: Spinach, or like, most vegetables

Least favorite patrol location: Anywhere on the Moon

Least favorite NPC(s): Spider

5 things your Guardian dislikes(this can be anything): Our modern day pop music (or at least, she thinks she hates all of it), the Hive (especially ogres), romance movies, romance books, and getting her picture taken.

Your Guardian has to rest. What is their living space like: Because she’s the hero of the Red War, once they got the City back, she got a bigger room in the Tower. It’s a single large room with a decent sized bed (not really a queen, but not really a twin either). There’s two desks (one in the front of the room, and one in the back), a big bookshelf, and a kitchette on the West wall with a small round table that can fit two people. She also has a comfy sitting chair that sits by the bookshelf for reading and writing. There’s also a bathroom with a bath/shower, unlike other bathrooms which only have a small bathroom with only a shower. And there is a closet.

Does your Guardian have any casual wear?(Y'all remember Polyvore? The website URSTYLE works very similar if that helps!): Thera has a bunch of casual clothes that she has tucked away into her small closet. A few formal wear, which are dresses (usually purple or black), casual wear which consists of dark pants and either a t-shirt or blouse (which is usually worn with a leather jacket of some kind), and lots of boots. And some clothes for when she’s going to be doing a lot of fitness based things, which are shorts and a tanktop with tennis shoes.

What hobbies and/or skills does you Guardian have: Thera likes to cook and bake in her free time.

What would your Guardian's lore book be called: Secrets of the Wolf

Where was your Guardian reborn?(If you created the location, give us a little description!): She was reborn in the Cosmodrome where the game starts off.

What were they wearing when they were reborn: An old t-shirt which had a design on it but it was severely faded, black jeans, and tennis shoes that were very dirty.

What was their reaction to being reborn: Basically something like, “I haven’t a clue what’s going on here-”

What was their reaction to their first rez: “Is the tiny headache normal? And the queasiness? Do you ever get used to that?

After being reborn, did they meet friendlies first or hostiles: Hostiles. Lots of Fallen.

Who was the first other Guardian they met?(Same thing! If you made them, give a little description!): She met Cayde first of course, along with the other Vanguard, but besides them, she met Zane-2 first.

Did your Guardian get reborn with, or find, any indication of their past life? If so what do they have/found: All Thera remembers is her name.

Going back to your Guardian's lore book, what would be some some quotes or passages from their book: Probably a passage talking about her past before she became known as a hero, back when Sora and Zane were both alive. Her thoughts on certain rules the Vanguard have made about diving into their pasts, and things like that. Another passage talking about her depression and trauma that she went through.

Does your Guardian have a significant other: Crow, though it is to remain a secret as of now. Only Ann and Osiris know about it.

Did your Guardian go explore first before going to The Last City? If so, where to: No, she headed straight to the City.

What was their reaction to first seeing The Last City: She was amazed. Amazed at all the Guardians, and at the Traveler, and the city itself, and more.

Is your Guardian a part of a clan: Nope.

If your Guardian would have a quote as a flavor text for a weapon and/or piece of armor, what would they be: “Shoot aliens, and look good doing it!” Probably on a fancy looking gun.

If your Guardian has had any interactions with any civilians (The Last City/The Farm), Eliksni, Cabal, Vex, Hive, Taken, Scorn, Rouge Lightbearers, or Iron Lords/War Lords(if your Guardian is an Old Light) tell us about it!: Thera has a few friends down in the City. Not exactly friends, since they don’t really hang out, but people she goes to when she needs help and they know they can go to her. For example, she has one friend who owns a restaurant in the City, and at Dawning time, she uses the kitchen there to make snacks for everyone that’s important in her life. There’s also a woman who owns a sort of thrift store and Thera goes to shop there all the time, so they both know each other and will talk from time to time.

How does your Guardian feel about themselves or others using Stasis: She believes it won’t hurt anyone if they use it every now and then, but that Guardians shouldn’t use it all the time. Switch back to the Light a majority of the time.

Where did they go and what did they do during The Red War: Thera was the Hero of the Red War. The one to get the light back and fight against Ghaul.

Here are some characters that are either polarizing or have created a strong enough mass emotion within the community. What opinion does your Guardian hold on each of them(These are only a handful of characters!)>>>

Osiris, First Warlock Vanguard, originally exiled: She thinks of him very wise and listens to every word he says. She knows that she can talk to him.

Eris Morn, Bane of the Swarm: Thera and her both relate to each other because of the trauma they’ve been through, so they both know that if they want, they can open up to each other and the other will understand.

Cayde-6, Sixth Hunter Vanguard: After the death of Sora and Zane-2, Cayde was like the only really close friend she had left. Cayde would always make sure she was alright. If she got enough sleep, if she ate that day, ect.

Ikora Rey, Second Warlock Vanguard: Ikora is another older sister figure. She usually confides to Ikora here and there about her ideas on events.

Commander Zavala, Second Titan Vanguard: Though the two don’t always see eye-to-eye, Thera respects him, and understands that he has a lot of worries on his shoulders, especially right now.

Saint-14, legendary Titan, First Titan Vanguard: Thera finds him a good person to hang out with. She’s fed the pigeons with him once or twice to relax.

Lord Saladin, Iron Banner handler, One of the last remaining Iron Lords: Thera trusts him, but doesn’t always agree with what he believes.

Lord Shaxx, Crucible handler, Hero of Twilight Gap, living megaphone: She likes hanging out with him. He always knows how to get her into a good mood if he knows she’s upset or angry.

The Crow, New Light, Ex-Enforcer to The Spider: She feels sorry about the things he’s gone through when working for Spider. Now, he is secretly her boyfriend, though only few know it. Thera enjoys every second she gets to spend with him.

The Spider, The Shore's Only Law, founder of "House" Spider: Son of a-

Uldren Sov, Prince of the Reef, Master of Crows: She is a firm believer that Guardians are far different than who they were before, so she doesn’t think of Crow as Uldren. She didn’t like Uldren much at all.

Mara Sov, Queen of the Reef, Queen of the Awoken, Ex-Kell of Wolves: She was a bit of a b***h, in Thera’s opinion.

Variks, the Loyal, founder of House Judgement: She understands that he did not mean for Cayde to die, and has forgiven him.

And finally, does your Guardian have any advice for any New Lights: “Listen, for you hunters, fight well, and look good doing it. Warlocks, get ahold of any book you can get ahold of. I had a friend who believed that with enough studying, you may come across something that could help the Last City greatly. And for the Titans, stay strong and listen to the Warlocks. They know what they’re doing, but almost never listen to hunters. We’ll usually lead you into trouble.”

#destiny 2 #destiny #destiny guardians #destiny game #young wolf oc #destiny young wolf #young wolf

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hongism · 4 years

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*gasps* Feed my angst then! Lol to preface thank you!! But also? f2l protective Hongjoong and 11 and 16 from the angst line heuheu ~Eomma

eommaaaa thank you so much for sending this in and giving my boy joong some love!! i hope you enjoy (i think i love him with my whole heart and soul i’m legit not okay omg)

#11: "Nobody’s seen you in days.”

#16: "Are you hurt?” “No.” “Then why are there bruises all over your face?”

...

Enough

"Where is he?" You ask as you step across the threshold of the door. Seonghwa is the one to greet you on the other side; dark circles hang under his eyes, and it seems as though he hasn't slept in days.

"We still don't know," comes his shaky answer, a kind of fragility in his tone that you aren't used to hearing from the man.

"Well fuck," you curse. Seonghwa isn't alone in the room, a few of the other members hang around in the living room, all looking as haggard and exhausted as Seonghwa does.

"He still hasn't contacted you?"

"No. You're certain he's not locked himself up in the studio again?" Seonghwa merely shrugs his shoulders in response, lips pressed into a thin line. You follow up with a sigh and drop your gaze to the floor. "Where else would he be?"

"I don't know. Unless he's out hopping from cafe to cafe to get work done, but that wouldn't make sense. He has to come home and sleep at some point." You glance over at the boys on the couch, who watch your conversation with Seonghwa closely.

"Knowing him, he'd pass on the sleep in favor of composing."

"But where would he go, Y/N? It's been days. It's not like any of the other times he's done this; normally he's back at the dorm with two or three days, or at least lets us know that he's at the studio. We haven't heard a thing from him, and neither have you."

"Call the police?" You suggest, half-joking, but Seonghwa deadpans, obviously not finding humor in the joke. "Look, if he's been cafe hopping, he could be going back to the studio at night and sleeping there. Did you think of that?"

"I--no, we didn't. We've only checked his studio during the day."

"See? I guarantee he's there. Most likely with his phone on silent and do not disturb as well. I'll head over there tonight and see if I can find him."

"No no, Y/N, I can do that. You don't have to, it'll be eas--"

"Seonghwa, you need sleep obviously. It looks like you haven't slept in days either."

"I've just been trying to stay up in case he comes home," Seonghwa mumbles in response, avoiding your stare.

"Besides, I can drag his ass back here just fine."

"I don't doubt that. You know he has a soft spot for you." You smile at him, then turn back to the door.

"Eh, perks of being best friends."

"Yea, that's it."

"I'll be back with him, hopefully in one piece."

"No promises?"

"Depends on how good his excuses are." You hear Seonghwa crack a laugh behind you before you go.

Once you actually get to Hongjoong's studio in the evening however, you're seriously doubting whether he'll actually be there or not. Still, you know it's worth the shot, and to be honest, you're more than a little worried about him and his health at the moment. As much as you want to rip him a new one for going MIA for so long, you know that the second you do find him, you'll be worrying over him rather than being upset.

The lights are off as you walk the halls, adding to your doubts, but a glimmer of hope appears when you get closer to Hongjoong's small studio. A faint blue light bleeds through the bottom of the door.

You rap your knuckles against the door, hoping that it's loud enough to get through to your boyfriend, but no response comes. You wait a minute before trying again. Still, he doesn't answer, so you resort to testing the handle. It clicks open immediately. You peak inside, quickly scanning the room until your eyes land on the hunched figure in front of the desk, illuminated by the blue light of his computer screen. He hasn't noticed your entrance yet, so you slip in and shut the door behind you. Sure enough, it's Hongjoong working away, and even from only seeing his back, you can see the exhaustion in his form.

"Hongjoong?" You test carefully, keeping your voice quiet as not to startle him too much. He jolts in his chair, spinning to face you with wide eyes. Once they land on you, his expression softens, head falling to the side a bit. "Fuck." The curse slips past your lips without intention as you see his face. His dark circles are far worse than Seonghwa's, no doubt partially because of all the exposure to blue light he's no doubt had recently. Worse is the dark marks on the edge of his jaw, small splotches of bruises all over his jawline. "Nobody's seen you in days."

"Yea, I know." His voice barely comes out, a slight croak to it that sends signals that he's getting sick.

"Joong," you whisper as you step closer to him. "What are you doing?"

"Composing."

"I see that, but I mean what are you doing? Are you trying to kill yourself? Why haven't you been home? Or at least told the boys where you are?" Hongjoong swivels in his chair, trying to turn back to the computer, but you catch the armrest and keep him in place. "Joong."

"I have a lot to finish."

"You didn't the question."

"I have too much work so I can't go home."

"And why couldn't you call or text anyone?"

"I didn't think of it. And I didn't want anyone to ask where I was."

"All seven of them are sitting at home losing sleep because you refuse to answer your phone. Seonghwa stays up every night waiting for you to come home. Just text them back, Joong. Call them. Go home."

"I can't!" Hongjoong insists. He motions towards the screen of the computer. "I have to finish these. They have to be perfect for the producers. They complained about my material last time; I can't disappoint them again."

"You aren't disappointing anyone. You're hurting yourself by doing this. There's no way any of the material you make when you're sleep-deprived and sick is going to be up to your own personal standards. Please, come home." You reach out and gently push his face away from the screen, forcing him to look at you. Your fingers trace the small trails of bruises against his jaw. "Are you hurt?"

"No."

"Then why are there bruises all over your face?"

"It's from falling asleep against the desk," he mutters. You sigh, dropping your hand, and squatting down in front of him.

"Hongjoong."

"Y/N."

"Are you lying to me?"

"No."

"Hongjoong."

"Y/N."

"What did you do?" The back and forth must tire Hongjoong, because he relents without much of a fight, sighing and carding a hand through his hair.

"I went and gave that guy a piece of my mind."

"You what?" You nearly choke on your saliva, Hongjoong's admissions coming out of left field, and you barely wrap your mind around what the hell he's talking about.

"Your ex. The one who wouldn't leave you alone. I gave him a piece of my mind."

"Hongjoong, did you--did you go...beat up my ex?"

"Eh, don't worry, he'll be fine. He's worse off than I am though."

"Oh my god, Joong, is that what the bruises are from? He hit you hard. Are you sure it doesn't hurt? Oh my god, I can't believe you. You're going to end up in the hospital if you aren't careful. Do you really want that?"

"No, of course not, but I'm not gonna end up in a hospital. I'm fine, it was just a few hits. As I said, he's worse off."

"Okay, but why?"

"Because he hurt you. Do I need another reason?"

"I--No, but...honestly, Hongjoong, you can't go around beating up my exes."

"He deserved it. He had to know that it's not okay to fuck around and hurt you."

"I don't need you to do that for me though."

"I wanted to, so I did. That's that and there's no changing it now, okay?" You frown and duck your chin. Your nose begins to run a moment later, and you furiously wipe at it with your shirt sleeve. "Are you crying?"

"No, dammit, I'm just touched."

"Y/N, I love you."

"I love you too."

"No, Y/N, I love you. As in I'm not going to let anything bad ever happen to you."

"As in romantically?" You ask, and a faint blush quickly travels up your neck. Even in the blue light, you're certain Hongjoong can see it clearly. He leans closer to you, no signs of embarrassment evident in his features.

"Yes, I love you romantically. And?"

"W-Well, and I-I, uh--"

"You want me to kiss you?" You choke on your saliva for real this time, but Hongjoong remains unfazed. He smirks as your blush deepens. "Is that a yes or a no?"

"No comment!" You squeak out, ready to hide your face from him, but he locks you in place by snaking a hand around the back of your neck and tugging your face closer to his. Your lips collide in a mess of teeth and saliva, but once you get a hold of yourself, you soften the kiss and let Hongjoong tug you closer until you nearly fall on top of him. You have to steady yourself by grabbing hold of his arm, but he quickly shifts so that your fingers interlace his. You're about to press your tongue against his bottom lip when he pulls back for a breath of air, smirking up at you and looking far too proud of himself.

"Again?" He asks and pokes his tongue out between his teeth. You have to resist the urge to keep staring at his sinful mouth and pull back. Hongjoong grips your hand tighter. You stand up straight again, keeping your fingers locked with his, and push your other hand through his hair.

"Please come home and rest."

"Okay." He relents and eases into your touch.

"Save your work, then let's go. You need to sleep in a bed, not at your desk."

"Only if you join me there."

"Fine, hush, I told Seonghwa I would drag your ass back there anyways. Now please save your work so we can go."

Hongjoong does as asked, letting you run your fingers through his hair as he does, then gets to his feet once the work is saved.

"Y/N, thank you." You smile back at him before tugging him into a hug.

"Anything for you, Joong." You pull back and turn to head for the door, but Hongjoong grabs you by the wrist.

...

a/n: my heart went ZYOOOOOOM and it always does for hongjoong

#ateez #ateez x reader #ateez angst #ateez fluff #ateez smut #ateez scenarios #ateez scenario #ateez imagines #ateez imagine #ateez drabbles #ateez drabble #ateez timestamp #hongjoong #hongjoong angst #hongjoong smut #hongjoong fluff #kim hongjoong #hongjoong x reader

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