#but as we all know. ive had aches and chills A Lot Lately so like idfk | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

Visit Blog

Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.

Fun Fact

Tumblr Inc. has $15.1M in annual revenue.

#but as we all know. ive had aches and chills A Lot Lately so like idfk

its-afucking-mess · 2 years

Text

you're the only thing i think i got right (i'd never give you away) - Ethan Torchio x reader- a birthday gift for allie <3

@writingmaneskin is officially a year older and i want to give this as a present <3 i love u so so much beloved, i hope u like this one

its a small fluffy thing with married eth n reader (havinf kids is mentioned) idk my thought process was just 'hm. yes' when i wrote and i didnt question how the plot came to be really

(no tags because ive forgotten my taglist entirely 💀 im sorry)

title from 5sos' "Lover of Mine"

______________

Your key turned in the lock and you took a deep breath. It has been a long day and you were tired and aching and just wanted to get five minutes peace. You braced yourself for the inevitable onslaught of questions from the children as soon as the door opened. Nothing. It was quiet.

“Honey?” you called out as you put your bag down on the table and hung your coat up.

You heard the bedroom door open and out walked Ethan. He smiled at you with that easy charm that had attracted you to him in the first place.

“Good afternoon, love,” he greeted you, placing a kiss on your cheek.

“I can’t help but notice how quiet it is…” You trailed off as you saw the guilty look on his face. “Oh, Ethan. What have you – “

“Nothing!” He answered quickly. He looked at the confusion on your face. “Look… I know I’ve not been exactly attentive lately. I know work’s not been easy for you. Me being away on shows… It puts a lot of pressure on you where the kids are involved.”

Your eyes teared up as the guilt you felt threatened to spill out.

“Hey! It’s ok! Oh, my love. Come here.” Ethan gathered you into his strong arms. The tears you’d been holding in began to spill from your tired eyes and he held you tighter still.

“I’m… I’m sorry, Ethan. I don’t know… I didn’t realise…” You pulled away, wringing your hands.

Ethan led you to the sofa by your arm and sat you down.

“Listen, the kids are with my mum. They are staying for the night. They couldn’t wait to go play with their aunties.” He explained. “Tonight, my love. Tonight, is about you.”

You glanced up at him through tear-soaked lashes. Your heart sank. Oh, you loved your husband – who wouldn’t. He was absolutely beautiful. He oozed charm from every pore, and he was so talented. You’d be a fool to turn down an evening with him… But you had heard these lines before from past partners. You were just so tired, and everything hurt. Yes, your sex life was amazing… but it just wasn’t what you were up for right now.

“Ethan…” you began quietly. “I… I’m just so tired and… I don’t… don’t…” You started sobbing again. You covered your face with your hands.

You felt him shift closer to you on the sofa. He pulled you to lay your head against his chest. He smelt so good – like your safe space. You sobbed quietly against his blue brushed cotton shirt. You felt his hand smoothing down your unruly hair.

“Honey, I don’t think you understood what I meant. Tonight, is about you. Let me look after you.”

You sniffled and looked up at his worried face.

“I know you’ve been struggling, love. I appreciate all you do for the kids and I and I wanted to show you by having an evening just for you. I thought some chill out activities and a takeaway of your choice?” He looked so anxious that you felt your heart swell.

“For me? I don’t know what I want to do. But a takeaway does sound good. Oh! Could we try that new Indian place that just opened? I thought it sounded lovely but… well, you know how fussy the kids can be.” You smiled up at him hopefully.

“My darling, anything for you. Which reminds me!” He moved from underneath you and stood up, rubbing his hands together gleefully. You smiled. He was so expressive with his hands. You could often tell his moods by the way he handled them.

“Am I allowed to… Hey!” You laughed as he pulled you up from the sofa and embraced you. You tipped your head up to look at him and closed your eyes as he brought his face down to yours. Your lips met softly, and he kissed you gently. The intensity behind the kiss made you feel dizzy.

“Come on,” he whispered, taking your hand and walking you towards the bedroom. He sensed your hesitation and smiled coyly. “No, it’s nothing like that. Come on.”

You let him lead you down the hallway and he stopped in front of the door.

“Close your eyes,” he urged. You did as he asked, and he began to pull you into the room you shared.

“Okay… open!” he commanded.

As you opened your eyes, you gasped. Turning your head, you gazed stunned at the room. Candles adorned the surfaces and there was a gentle smell of flowers. The bedding had been changed to soft Egyptian cotton in a blush colour.

He waited anxiously for your reaction.

“Ethan… Did you do all this for me?” You smiled softly at him, and you saw his face open into a wide grin.

“You deserve to feel calm and relaxed. I hoped this would help. But it isn’t all!” He was so excited that it was contagious.

“What else could there possibly be?” You giggled.

“Ok, so…” He led you through the ensuite door into the bathroom.

You gasped as you looked around the room. More candles were placed around the bath and the water was full of a beautiful, scented oil and flower petals.

“Oh, Ethan!” you exclaimed as you moved to embrace him. “You did all this for me? Are you planning to join me?” You wiggled your eyebrows suggestively.

He laughed. “No, darling. This is for you. Now go get yourself ready whilst I top up the warm water for you.”

You went back into the bedroom and started to remove your clothing. As you took your work clothes and placed them in the laundry hamper, you smiled again at Ethan’s thoughtfulness. It had been some time since you had spent time alone together. It seemed selfish when he was home from travelling to spend one on one time as you know how much the kids missed their dad when he was away.

“Honey, are you ready?” he called from the other room.

“Coming now, sweetheart!” You replied. You decided to dispense of the robe you’d usually wear into the bathroom.

His face lit up as he saw you enter the room naked.

“You… You never fail to astound me with your beauty, my love.” He stammered.

“You old romantic, you” You teased as you sank into the warm water. You moaned as it heated your aching muscles.

“Well… That’s a welcome sound.” Ethan said, grinning. “But plenty of time for that another time!”

You looked at him in confusion. You’d decided that you couldn’t resist him for too long. He was trying so hard, and you really were starting to feel better.

“Now, you just lie there and let the oils and warmth do their job. I have brought something in that I think you’ll appreciate.” He said as he reached behind the towel rack. He pulled out an old, battered copy of your favourite book. He smiled as he saw the look of wonder on your face.

“I know you haven’t had much time to read in recent months with how busy life has gotten. I know that this is your favourite book… Like the ragged edges wouldn’t have given it away!” He chuckled.

“Thank you, Ethan. Really. This is lovely. If you could pass me the towel, I’ll dry my…”

“No.” he interjected. “You are going to lay right there and relax. Let me read it to you, my love. I recall you said that you loved the tone of my voice when we first got together.. So, please, allow me to transport you away whilst you rest.”

“That would be lovely,” you smiled at him.

You closed your eyes and settled into the water as you listened to Ethan transport you away to a world you knew so well. One you’d visited millions of times and you just can’t tear yourself away from. Ethan’s voice only served to immerse yourself deeper into that world.

“Darling…” Ethan’s voice roused you from your happy place. “I worry the water will be getting too cold for you if you stay in there much longer.”

“Yes,” you murmured, coming round from the fantasy realm inside your brain.

“Now,” he said, grabbing the shower head. “Let me help you wash yor hair, hm?”

He turned the shower head on and waited till it was an ambient temperature.

“Is this ok for you?” He asked. You moved your hand under it.

“Just right” you winked at him.

“Then let me, hopefully, make you feel salon good” He laughed.

He set to work on wetting your hair thoroughly as you closed your eyes. He picked up your favourite shampoo and squirted some into the palm of his hand. You inhaled as he began to lather it into your hair. It’s comforting scent filled your senses. The feeling of Ethan’s nimble fingers running the length of your hair and back, massaging your scalp gently, caused you to moan quietly.

“Later, my love” Ethan whispered in your ear, continuing with his administrations to your hair. He gently began to rinse out the lather, holding the showerhead with one hand and running his fingers through your wet locs with the other to ensure the shampoo was all gone.

“First part done… Now for the conditioner.” He said to himself. You knew he was enjoying himself as you could hear the admiration for a job well done in his voice. It made you smile.

He ran his fingers through your wet hair starting from the bottom and working his way up.

He set about rinsing the conditioner from your hair and you smiled to yourself. Ethan was acting adorable tonight. He reminded you of when you’d first met all those years ago… Before life got in the way. Before marriage. Before kids.

“Love?” he asked, rousing you from your thoughts. “Ready to get out?”

You began to stand, and Ethan helped you as you stood upright.

“Your foot, my love?” he asked as he held the towel. He gently dried your foot and up you leg. It felt good. “And the other?” He repeated. You stepped out the bath onto the mat on the bathroom tiles.

Ethan enveloped you inside the soft fluffy towel and kissed your forehead. You felt your legs go from under you as he scooped you easily into your arms and you giggled, gently smacking his toned chest.

“Ethan! I can walk!”

“You can, love, but why should you have to?” He grinned at you.

He carried you into the bedroom and set you down gently on the bed. You pulled him down onto you by his shirt collar and kissed his gently. Your lips began to press against his with an urgency and he pulled away slightly.

“Not yet, my love” he sighed, breathlessly. “I have another surprise for you.”

You raised yourself up on your elbows and arched an eyebrow at him.

“Ethan Torchio… What are you up to?” You asked him suspiciously. He rarely turned down your advances. And just how often was it you were child free to enjoy it?

“On your front, darling.” He directed. “You’ll appreciate this. I hope so anyway.”

He knelt next to you on the bed and reached for a bottle off the bedside table. You turned your head towards him confused but intrigued. He rubbed the substance between his hands and the smell of oranges and… something you didn’t quite recognise… filled the room.

His hands touched your shoulders, and he began to knead the sore muscles.

“Ethan… oh… oh that feels… oh” You sighed contentedly.

“Just relax, darling. Enjoy the sensations.” He whispered as he leant in close to your ear. You shivered slightly at his breath on your sensitive neck.

He expertly kneaded and works on the knots and stiff muscles and continued down the rest of your back. It felt so good, and you could even remember when you last felt so relaxed.

“Turn around,”

You did as he said, and he began to work his way down your front. He skimmed past you hips and began to massage your legs. It felt good but you couldn’t help the small whine that escaped your lips.

“We’ve been through this, darling.” He said, voice struggling slightly as he controlled himself. “Not yet.”

He massaged your thighs and your calves and began to work on your feet. You groaned as he rubbed the sore arch of your left foot. He was so gentle and soft, yet the pressure was perfect for making the tendon relax.

“Ethan, you are so good at this. I…”

“I got lessons in Atlanta. I have planned this for quite some time, darling. I wanted it to be perfect.” He interjected.

You pulled yourself up onto your elbows so you could see him.

“Ethan, sweetheart, I didn’t need all of this. I love you. I know I can be grumpy sometimes but… Life is hectic, and I don’t always feel like the woman you married. I worry you won’t want me anymore.”

Ethan looked up from your foot with such concern in his eyes.

“Darling, of course I still want you! Why wouldn’t I? You had me from that very first meeting. I’ve told you this many times. You made me the happiest man alive when you agreed to be my wife. And you have never looked more beautiful than when you gave birth to our children. You gave me a family. Us a family. You have supported my career and never complained when I’ve had to go away for touring or press interviews or…anything”

You reached for his hands and squeezed gently.

“I love you, Ethan. I always have. I always will.” You kissed his nose and laughed as he wrinkled it adorably. “So… what’s next then?”

At that exact moment, your stomach grumbled.

Ethan threw back his head with a laugh. He handed you a bag from beside the bed. You peered in and saw the most beautiful silken camisole top and shorts in a beautiful shade of baby blue.

“Oh Ethan!” you gushed pulling them out of the bag. “They’re beautiful!”

“Not as beautiful as you, my love.” He said, standing up. “Now put them on and I’ll meet you in the living room where we will order something to eat – your choice.”

He strolled out the room with you gazing lovingly after him.

You moved slowly and pulled on the pyjama set. It fitted perfectly and hugged to your curves in just the right way. You threw your damp hair up in a bun. You stretched slowly and lazily. You padded softly to the living room to find Ethan on the sofa. He had made you both a cup of herbal tea and had your favourite blanket ready for you to curl up in next to him.

Sitting next to him, you picked up one of the menus he had placed upon the coffee table.

“Definitely this one, please” you passed it to him eagerly.

“Indian it is, my love.”

He rang the order through and sat back against the sofa. You curled into his side, and he wrapped the blanket over your legs and placed his arm around your shoulder.

“Ethan…” you began.

“Yes, my love?” he answered.

“Can we watch The Princess Bride?” You looked at him with pleading eyes.

His eyes crinkled around the edges as he smiled back at you.

“As you wish.”

Your heart swelled as he went to put the DVD on, and you settled down together. You really were feeling so much better and maybe this was just the thing you had needed.

The doorbell went and you paused the film as Ethan went to answer the door and pay for the delivery. You went to the kitchen and found plates for you both and some cutlery. You were sorting out some glasses of water when Ethan brought the food through to plate up.

Once you had shared out the food between you, you both went and settled on the sofa and started the film again. You watched and chatted whilst you ate. The food was delicious. Soon, you were too full to eat anything else and the film had finished.

“Ethan, do you want to pick a film?” You asked. Seeing the look on his face as he went to answer, you followed with “I insist”.

“Ok.” He nodded. “I choose…” He looked at the DVD shelves and paused dramatically. “I choose Withering Heights!”

You grinned up at him. His eyes sparkled as he knew you wouldn’t argue with his choice.

“Perfect choice, sweetheart.” You answered.

The DVD started and Ethan and you settled on the sofa. You curled into his side with your head on his lap and your blanket wrapped around you. He absentmindedly stroked your hair and you sighed contentedly.

Next thing you remembered, you felt weightless. You opened your eyes confused and realised your husband was carrying you to bed.

“Oh, Ethan! I’m so sorry!” you cried softly as you realised you must have fallen asleep.

He kissed your forehead gently.

“Do not apologise for needing rest. This is exactly what I wanted for you. I want you to be able to relax and recuperate.” He countered.

He laid you on the bed and pulled the bedding down. You crawled onto your side, and he pulled the sheets up over you. He undressed as you watched him.

“I feel like I’m being watched,” he laughed. “Good job for you… I like it.”

He slid into the bed behind you, and you scooted back to lie against him. His arms held you tightly from behind and he kissed your neck softly.

“Goodnight, my love. I love you so very much and I’m glad I could show you this evening how appreciated you are.” He whispered into your ear.

“I love you, Ethan.” You replied sleepily.

You drifted off to sleep feeling relaxed and calm, safe in the arms of the man you loved. At that moment, everything was perfect.

Note: i hope this didnt get your hopes high about me returning to this account, i just thought it was better to post it here considering people might enjoy this. stay safe, loveyall

#maneskin fanfiction #ethan torchio #ethan x reader #ethan torchio x reader

69 notes · View notes

jiminniethemarshmallow · 3 years

Text

Thank You For Your Service IV (M)

Thank you @7stars-aligned13 for the beautiful mood board!! Pairing: Jimin x Reader Genre: smut, angst, fluff Warnings: mentions of trouble conceiving, lots of time skips, squirting, face fucking, dom!Jimin, slight role play, impreg kink, dirty talk, fingering, cream pie Word Count: 24,500

Part 1~ Part 2~ Part 3~ Part 4

You hiccup, already crying fat tears before you’ve even heard the news. You fear those words, feel the emptiness, and it hurts your soul. The straight faced doctor takes her time coming into your room, letting out a sigh once she sees your face. It’s from exasperation, but you would like to interpret it as sympathy. She stands at the foot of your bed, waiting until you calm your breathing enough to hear her.

“As I am sure you have guessed, you are not with child.” Those words break your heart for the sixth time and you break down into sobs, hiding your face in Jimin’s pillows.

Six months. It has been six long months since you were wed and you still are not pregnant. Even after all those late nights, early mornings when you’d send the servants away before your schedules began, the remedies and special foods, the slightly uncomfortable positions and pillow mountains, you still are not yet carrying your husband’s child. And it crushes you.

Yes, you know having children is not all you are good for, but it is one of your duties as a Queen. Having heirs is something that only you can do and the entire kingdom awaits expectantly for the news of an incoming prince or princess that they can idolize and adore, so you feel the pressure at all times of day— as well as guilt in regards to your barren womb. You should be fertile at this youthful time in your life. Both you and Jimin have passed every physical examination and remain in excellent health, which is why it is so perplexing to you that you are having trouble conceiving. Rosé, Queen of the kingdom just north of yours, is already pregnant and she was wed to her husband an entire month after you. Twins, you hear she’s having. You’d hate to fall behind her kingdom in any aspect, even in such a trivial competition as having children. She has nothing to do with your family, and yet, you still feel so inferior because you do not yet have one.

“To put it bluntly,” Your doctor begins, looking down at the paper she’s holding, scribbled with notes. “I believe the cause of your current condition— or lack thereof— is due to the poisoning you endured several months ago. It is possible that the potion affected your reproductive organs in some imperceptible way; your kidneys exhibited symptoms of its effects for nearly a month after your recovery, so we cannot completely rule out this possibility. But, Your Highness, the only way I would be able to test this hypothesis is through surgery to visually inspect your organs.”

You shudder at the thought of being cut open, shaking your head animatedly. Maybe you would consider this “inspection” after a year of effort and failure, but you would not take such drastic measures this early. No matter how much the constant failure hurt.

“If my infertility is due to the poison-“ You swallow thickly when your voice comes out as a mere whimper.

“Let us not be so hasty in calling it infertility, Your Majesty.” She interrupts, stare lightening just slightly. She’s learned the tiniest bit of respect since working under Jimin, his low tolerance for rudeness and spiny disposition during medical examinations slowly beginning to unnerve her cold discourse. Many a time has he reprimanded her for speaking to you informally or for her lack of sympathy, and you are finally starting to see a change, though she still interrupts you to interject.

“If my current inability to conceive is because of the poison,” You try again, “Are there any elixirs or pills I could take to lessen its effects? There must be something!”

“Because we do not know entirely if this is due to the poison, I am hesitant to give you treatment— sometimes getting pregnant is difficult for some people and there is nothing medically wrong with them. For now I can only give you advice on conception: try to lower your stress levels, eat more fruits and vegetables for vitamins, and do not over exert yourself. That is all for today, I will be back in a month for your regular check up unless I am needed sooner.” With that she turns and leaves, not waiting to be dismissed and leaving you alone in your room.

It is the middle of winter and the bone-chilling winds whip against your windows. The palace is heated by fire, but you refuse to light your fireplace, choosing to sit and suffer in the cold alone as you wallow in your gloom. Jimin has been busy all day with kingdom affairs, out and about performing duties that not even your father cared enough to get done. The people love him, love how involved he is and how much he cares, and they never hesitate to alert him to any problems they might have that Jimin could take care of. Of course he doesn’t mind, you knew he would never be able to stay inside these sheltered walls for long when he was so used to the excitement of training and battle, but you wished he would spare a little time to cater to your issues. His absence during your monthly checkups is not unusual. For the first three he held your hand and sat with you, on the fourth he left in the middle due to an urgent matter, and these last two he has been out of the castle altogether. Since your third appointment, when your hopes of being pregnant were at its highest, he seemed to have a very negative attitude toward your checkups. He told you he did not intentionally avoid these meetings, and you think that is partly true, but you know that he must hate the constant rejection and is deliberately making himself unavailable when he thinks you will be rejected again. He would much rather hear the bad news from you instead of your cold doctor.

When you asked your father to accompany you, he sort of grimaced and then politely declined. You understand, the thought of addressing the fact that your daughter has not only been deflowered, but is being repeatedly taken in the efforts of bearing fruit is sickening to you, too. Also, he is not very adept at comforting you when you break down like this, face buried in your husband’s pillows and shoulders shaking with sobs.

Telling by the ache in your skull and the completely soaked through cushion beneath your head, a long time has passed by the time you finally raise your face at the sound of Jimin shuffling into your bedroom. He shivers once the door is closed again, expecting warmth but being met with bitterness.

“It is freezing in here.” He rasps beneath his breath, ignoring you momentarily to light the fireplace, moving to shed the outer layers of his clothing once the fire is of decent size. The single glance he took at you upon entering is all he needed to know what has transpired, and he is in no rush to hear the devastating words. It’s only until he is in comfortable attire that he turns to face you, easing your head onto his chest with a curled bottom lip before he’s even settled properly on the mattress. “My love...”

Your tears flow freely onto his chest and he says nothing, sighing into your hair because by now this has become a common occurrence.

“She said it might be,” You snivel, “because of the poison.” He closes his eyes, having suspected the same thing but praying that it was not true. He wondered if the poison would have any long lasting effects on you, or on your future offspring, but dismissed the thought immediately. Although he knows nothing of what the doctor has said, he feels discouraged nonetheless. His past failure to protect you continues to circle around his head like a vulture, tormenting him to no end and making its appearance to pick at his wounds whenever he starts to move on from it. Six months feels like a long time, but it is apparent that his emotional scars need far longer to fully heal. And for that he owes to Jinwoo.

“I am s-sorry for being s-so weak.” You wipe your nose, face red and puffy from both tears and embarrassment. “Half a year ago you had not yet seen me shed tears, and now...” Almost as if the word itself had summoned them, fresh droplets fall from your eyes, looking pitifully up at the man who had stolen your heart. Only, he must have given it back to you at some point because you feel too much these days and you are tired of hurting like this. God, you probably look so ugly right now, you can feel how swollen and red your eyes and cheeks are, your self confidence plummeting to an all-time low.

“You are beautiful and strong, (Y/n), do not ever think less of yourself. You have good reason to feel the way you do, please do not think that you have to be stoic in front of me.” Like always, Jimin says exactly the right thing to ease your mind, using his hand to wipe your wet face and burrowing into the sheets with you attached to his side, his heat warming the icy sheets that drowned you when you had been alone.

You retired to bed early last night, which is why you can afford to wake up with the sun this morning. Jimin sleeps soundly behind you, but his presence is felt stiffly on your ass between the thin layers of clothing. Snow twinkles on your windowsill, probably the last snow of the season, but you find the sun beaming as brightly as ever to illuminate the room. With the weather beginning to warm in preparation for spring, you’ve grown accustomed to the gentle sound of melting snow dripping outside your window. Mornings like these are scarce and you plan to make the most of it.

You attempt to turn and face your beloved, but his arms tighten around your waist, locking you in your position. A sleepy groan tickles your ear, the vibrations of his voice sending a shiver through you.

“You’re up early.” Jimin mumbles, pressing a kiss to your shoulder. His voice is always so deep and raspy in the mornings, his dialect coming forth with a yawn. You could listen to him speak like that forever, but all you can think about at the moment is how good his moans would sound with the added rumble of bass that comes from sleep.

“So are you.” You snort with a sly wiggle of your hips. The twitch of his length against you sends a flash of exhilaration through your system— time has been short lately and it has been far too long since you’ve last felt him. Apparently he feels the same way, his hand effortlessly gliding up your rib cage to palm at your clothed breast with a deep sigh. You can tell his eyes are still closed due to the laziness of his movements, but it doesn’t matter when his tender touches set your body on fire like this.

His lips find their way to your neck as he shifts closer, kissing and sucking gently enough not to leave marks but to get your heart racing with need. “Take this off.” You follow his instructions and promptly shed the nightgown from your body, leaving you nude against him as he presses himself to you once again, this time slipping a hand between your legs. Your nipples harden from the brief chill of the room before you adjust the covers over your shoulder again, and Jimin takes advantage of this with two fingers, twisting the bud between them to send a spike of pleasure down your spine.

You muffle a groan once his fingers begin to tease at your lower lips, spreading them and toying with the outer skin just to build your anticipation. He wants you to drip before he’s even touched you properly, to whimper into the sheets until you can’t take it anymore and call out his name in frustration. Your clit gets pinched between his fingers when he squeezes them closed, trapping the bud as he continues to rub you up and down, and you find yourself panting in a matter of seconds. Soon, his fingers start to get coated in the essence that seeps from you. It’s so sexy that he can barely stand it. Jimin loves to feel your warm juices trickling out of you, working you up almost feels better than tending to himself, and his breathing hitches too when you begin to wiggle in his grasp.

“Look at my gorgeous Queen, getting soaking wet from just a few light touches. So cock hungry this early in the morning.” His words make you quiver and whine, the teasing quality of his voice right up against the shell of your ear driving you absolutely insane. “I’ll give you what you want if you tell me~” You hadn’t expected him to be so playful after just waking up, but it’s a pleasant surprise.

“I want you to make me cum,” You breathe out between pants. “Then I want you to pump me full of your seed. Please, My King.” Your words have their own special effect on him, evident by the lustful groan he releases into your hair and how his hips subtly shift behind you. Immediately, his fingers move to your clit to lightly graze over the hood until you buck into him, only then does he add pressure. Your back arches into his palm as he continues to play with your nipple, having turned his attention to the other in order to provide the same treatment, pulling and tweaking at it, working the nerves until they’re raw and sensitive enough to have you gasping with every flick.

Jimin doesn’t need to be able to see you in your entirety to know how you look right now. You’re completely helpless to his touch, he can feel you writhing against him and heating up the space between the sheets as your temperature rises. He can feel your heart beating hard against your chest— and he wonders if you can feel his from his position pressed against your back. It has been a while since he’s allowed himself to indulge in these fantasies. He’s pleased to know that he still has every inch of you committed to memory and is able to so easily have you at his fingertips, quite literally. These past months, your focus has been solely on procreating in the bedroom and rarely for the fun of it, so this is refreshing. But he still asks anyway.

“You want me to spill my seed into you, hm? Are you fertile right now?” His words slip past your ears as you lose yourself to the circles he draws into your bud, but somehow you manage to catch them at the last second.

“It does not matter, I want you anyway.” The answer is no, you aren’t at your most fertile at the moment, but this isn’t about that. Regardless of if anything will come of it or not, you want to feel Jimin paint your walls white with his love, something you think you’ve become addicted to. You bask in the feeling of having him throb and twitch and lose control while at the mercy of your tight walls, even when he’s pounding your weak frame into whatever surface he’s decided to take you on, and the thought has you galloping toward your peak faster than expected.

His leg slips between yours to prop them open, two of his fingers dancing their way into your clenching entrance, the intrusion pulling a loud moan from your lips. They glide and twirl within you much to your delight, but before you can enjoy it fully, they pop out and slither back up to your clit with a thick coating of your own slick. It doesn’t bother you, you could cum like this easily, but what really makes you gape is the feeling of Jimin’s hard member grinding against your ass. You can feel that his briefs are now damp with a mixture of precum and your wetness as you continue to drip down your thighs and make a mess of yourself, and you can’t help but rock your hips into his motion. You grind into each other with sensual synchronization and soon he’s panting along with you, the swollen head of his cock peeking out from his briefs to wet your cheek, teasing you endlessly.

“Jimin,” You whine, praying that he’ll let you cum quickly this morning despite his teasing mood. Every buck into his fingers shoots jolts of pleasure through you and every press against his hot cock has you throbbing at your emptiness. It’s a never-ending loop that has both of you moaning in no time, and it isn’t long before the coil in your stomach tightens to its peak. “Fuck, I’m cumming.” You whisper quietly, your breath being stolen away by the feeling of your orgasm. Your husband groans behind you, forcing his own hips to jerk to a stop as you roll against him to ride out the waves. He can feel you pulsing against his fingers and suddenly craves to feel you around his member, removing his hand from between your legs to push away his bottoms.

“Are you ready for me, darling?” He whispers with soft kisses to your shoulder as you begin to relax again. His tip glides effortlessly against your drenched lips and the fire inside you reignites instantly.

“I am always ready for you, my love.” Turning your head, you find his lips and savor the passionate kiss you share, a warmth blooming in your chest that saves you from the cold of the bedroom. Ever so slowly he pushes inside you, bringing a hand up to hold your face to his as his tongue slips between your lips. Vibrations mingle throughout your bodies as you both moan, the insertion tight as he stretches you open in the early morning light, his morning wood always so sensitive especially with your recent bout of abstinence. On the first thrust his fingers intertwine with yours, and this is the most intimate moment you’ve had with him in a long while. It feels like ages have passed since you’ve indulged each other in slow sex and you are starting to realize just how much you’ve craved it. “I missed you.” You mumble against his lips, barely wanting to pull away to look at him.

“I’ve missed you, too.” Jimin smiles, his eyes still closed but hand still caressing your face. He uses it to skim down your figure, hooking under your leg to lift it over his own and allow him deeper into your cavern, angling himself until you squeeze his hand with a shaky moan.

He honestly thinks he could stay like this forever: wrapped up in your warmth, surrounded by blankets, giving you all the love and pleasure he can provide. Things have been so hectic these last few months, an odd tension growing between you two that he can always feel but can’t quite put his finger on, but in these calm moments before the chaos of the day, he feels completely safe and at ease. Being King is no easy task, this he expected, but this is the only time he gets to shed the expectations, the pretenses, the pressure and just be your lover. Just like at the beginning of your relationship— and how things were 8 months ago, when the Crown was first placed in his hands.

You feel almost like a rag doll in his arms as he snaps his hips into you, allowing him to take you and guide you to bliss. Your hips rock back into him subtly, inner muscles squeezing around his shaft and gripping onto him, begging him to stay buried inside to occupy your lonely walls and empty womb. Pressure builds in your lower abdomen again, accompanied by a flush that takes over your body and warms you uncomfortably under the sheets. Jimin tosses the coverings aside when it gets too much, sweat slicking where your bodies connect. Your nails dig into the flesh of his ass when you reach a hand back to rest on the muscle, groaning at how you can feel every movement whenever his hips surge forward, his strength jolting you with his slow, powerful strokes. His length curves perfectly inside you, touching all your favorite spots and it becomes increasingly apparent that you won’t last long like this. He encourages you with gentle sweet nothings tickled against your ear.

“My lovely wife, always so good to me.” Jimin nuzzles his face in your hair, pulling you impossibly closer as his hand returns to your breast. “Always so soft and wet around my cock, darling. Are you getting close again, my love?” You whimper loudly and nod, not trusting your voice entirely when you’re feeling so breathless. “You sound so sweet moaning for me like that. Shall we let the entire castle know what a splendid morning we’re having together? Let them hear how well your King takes care of you.”

“Jimin~” You croon as he picks up pace, hips slapping against your backside and filling the air alongside your heavy breathing. Removing his bottom hand from yours, he props himself up on his elbow to look down over you, opening his legs wider to gain as much leverage as possible to fuck into you. The speed and power he achieves like this has you crying out into the open air, uncaring of who hears how wrecked you sound. You’re certain that the guards keeping watch at your door are uncomfortable by the display of lust, but who are they to judge when Jimin touches just the right places within you to have your body coming apart at the seams?

“Cum for me, my love,” Your husband’s voice feels distant as your thoughts float away. You are not aware enough to marvel at the sheer strength and endurance of his hips, his pace not faltering even once. Crumpling the sheets beneath you, you turn your face into the pillow as your body starts to quiver, a warm hand gripping onto your hip to keep you in place against the onslaught of pleasure. “There you go, milk me of my seed.”

Just the simple thought he plants in your mind’s eye is enough to send you into heaven, your walls clamping down around him with a scream of bliss, just as he requested. Feeling him so deeply makes your eyes roll, every stroke kissing the entrance of your womb and you pray he gives you every last drop he has. With only a few more pushes of his hips, you feel his body tense behind you and shiver, an overwhelmingly sexy groan breathed right into your ear.

It takes several moments of gentle thrusting before he’s satisfied, your body sufficiently full of his sperm and skin tingling with the aftermath of a beautiful orgasm you happily shared. Jimin kisses his way down from the side of your cheeks and neck to your shoulder and arm, ignoring the thin layer of perspiration that dries quickly in the brisk morning air. Though soft, he remains inside of you as he settles himself back against the mattress and holds your body to his, lifting the sheets to cover you before the chill returns. You feel safe. Completely and utterly safe and comfortable in your lover’s arms as you drift back to sleep.

But the peace is short lived because just as you begin to dream again, you feel Jimin pull out of you and shift away, attempting to be as stealthy as possible as he slips from bed. He winces when you turn to your other side to face him, sleepy eyes watching as he pulls on his underwear again. You are unable to return the sweet smile he offers you, already missing the way his skin felt against yours.

“Will you not stay to cuddle me?” You ask quietly, unable to understand why he must leave so soon. The smile on his face turns sad, eyes flickering to the door as several consecutive knocks sing on the wood.

“I have many duties to fulfill today, my love.”

‘And no time for me...’ You think with a poorly concealed frown, burrowing deeper into the bedspread when he opens the door for your servants, who get to work on preparing him for the day immediately. Deep down you know you likely will not interact with him until nightfall as he scrambles around the castle and kingdom serving his duties, but you try not to feel the distasteful irritation in your chest and send him off with a kiss when he makes his exit. Sometimes, though, you cannot help but think he was more eager to be with you when he was merely a soldier.

Jimin sits at a round table meeting with his advisors to discuss the affairs of the kingdom, in which there is not much to report. This is a mandatory meeting they must have weekly and they rarely last long. Most of the time, the conversations divulge into unrelated, off topic subjects just to pass the time, and Jimin has no problem with this on most days. He has a good relationship with his advisors and there is almost never any need for him to use his status as King during their discussions. Today, however, his fuse is a little short. It may be because of the all too frequent restless nights he has been experiencing, or from the lack of quality time he has spent with you, but he is far more irritable than usual. All he can think about is how disappointed you looked when he left and how much he’d rather be cuddled up back in bed with you instead of sitting in front of this counsel.

“Do not worry, the Queen has already taken care of it.” Someone says, he does not know who said it because he is barely paying attention.

“Pardon my coarseness, Your Highness, but it is my understanding that Her Majesty has not yet conceived.” The man presents this in a questioning manner, but Jimin can hear the underlying condescension.

“You are correct.” He replies in a low voice.

“It has been 9 months since your matrimony. She should bear your heirs with haste.” The room swells with voices as his advisors begin to talk about you, each taking their turn to put in their opinions and criticism. He can hardly believe what he is hearing. They speak as though it is your fault that you are not pregnant, as if you are being defiant by not bearing him children, like it is a choice that you have made consciously. Anger bubbles in his chest, blood boiling as they continue ranting about you right in front of him as though they were not saying terrible things about his wife. He stands abruptly upon hearing someone tell a story about how his wife refused to birth him any more children because he “was acting like one” himself. Jimin interrupts just as the man is about to make a comment about stubborn wives, his voice billowing from his throat like heavy plumes of smoke that quickly engulf the room.

“How dare you speak of my wife— your Queen— in such a disrespectful manner! Do you accuse her of treachery against me? Against this nation? You have the gall to insult her efforts on something she cannot control, to doubt her intentions and loyalty to this kingdom and her own family? I should have you all removed from this castle permanently for suggesting such a thing, what do you have to say about that?!” He looks around the silent room at each of their faces, all of them looking utterly shocked by his outburst. Jimin has never needed to assert his authority over them like this, but they have gone too far today. Though he is the youngest in the room, he is easily the most intimidating when angry, regardless of if he were the King or not. Drawing in a deep breath, he tries to calm himself, running a hand through his hair as he takes his seat once more. “It is my fault anyway, not hers. It is my duty as well.”

It is quiet for a long while, the men around the table hesitate to speak again until one man builds up the courage to break the stillness.

“Do not despair, Your Highness, you are both still young, there is plenty of time to have children.” He reassures, followed by similar comforting phrases from the others. Jimin does not respond as he stares out of the window, a solemn look overtaking his face in place of the relaxed and neutral expression he normally wears. He wonders if you face this criticism regularly wherever you go, if people who are supposed to be your supporters are slowly losing hope in you. You already beat yourself up about not being pregnant, he fears what would happen if those thoughts were validated by others. Something must be done about this immediately.

It is silent for another long pause. “You are all dismissed.” He says with a flick of his hand.

*** *** ***

Your servants follow you around quite stubbornly, attempting (and failing) to be as unnoticeable as possible, but their presence is the only thing you can focus on. If you sigh too heavily they all come scurrying over, asking what was the matter, offering to take care of whatever task you had set out to complete. Yes, it was your mother’s dying wish for you to accept your loyal attendants, and it was your father’s order for them to look after you, but you cannot help but feel that this treatment is a bit excessive. It is almost laughable when you reflect on it: how just a year prior you were known largely for your independence, and now you could hardly find a moment to yourself. The only times you can get away with having minimal supervision is when you go out into town, where you may request only one or two guards or servants to accompany you.

Since becoming the official Queen of this nation, you have taken it upon yourself to care for the nuances of your society, to help individuals and keep a close relationship with the people. Jimin was focused on many of the larger issues that affected groups of citizens, like rebuilding one of the marketplaces that suffered damages in a fire last week, as well as handling international business with neighboring kingdoms. Naturally, everyone took a great liking to him and his policies and the people offered him immense support, but your job as Queen was to support the people. So, every week you go into town and buy a book from a novice writer, read it, then publish an unofficial review for the stories you enjoy. Not only does this boost the writer’s credibility, popularity, and sales, it also allows you to communicate with your people. Your presence in town never goes unnoticed, and often times people give you great recommendations on stories you should interest yourself with. It is the highlight of your week since all you can do is read in the quiet moments within the castle.

It is now early spring, trees budding with sweet smelling blossoms and the beginnings of greenery, displaying their proud potency in brilliant hues that bleach you into the gray of a dead willow. Still, your spirits are beginning to lift the farther you distance yourself from the castle. Walking through town, you breathe in all of the scents around you. Street vendors sell an array of foods that you do not see within the castle often and your mouth waters as you step up to one, picking out a pastry covered in sugar, something that you can easily pull apart with your fingers without the need of utensils. Before you can lift it to your mouth, the guard beside you stops you, plucking a small piece for himself to taste for poison. As a royal, you always thought this job was unnecessary and ridiculous before, but after the catastrophe at your wedding, you now understand it’s significance. That does not stop you from pouting, however, as you are forced to wait at least 5 minutes before the stiff guard allows you to dig into your snack.

You continue through the market, admiring crafts from artisans with masterful handiwork and struggle to keep your hand out of your purse whenever something catches your eye. This market is not the closest to the palace, in fact, it is quite far from it, but you have found that the most valuable work comes from the honest workers that live in smaller homes and lead honest lives, not from the traders and merchants who buy their goods from others and claim them as their own in the wealthy districts. The people who live on the outskirts work harder, and they are the ones you need to support the most.

“This would look beautiful hanging from the palace walls, don’t you think?” You turn toward Lilian as she browses the collection of jewelry that sits beside the tapestry you are holding, her eyes inspecting it briefly.

“I think it would look lovely in one of the sitting rooms.” She grins. Lilian always accompanies you on these types of trips. You value her opinion and reason and sympathize with her lack of outside interaction. Both of you are in the palace at almost all times and you are sure you both would go crazy if not for these couple hours outside those claustrophobic walls.

“I think so, too!” You agree, turning to the guard who continues to survey the area. “What do you think, Kyungsoo?”

He looks at it for a while, then at the others around it, finally bringing his eyes back to yours. “Whatever you desire, Your Majesty. My opinion is insignificant.” His answer causes your face to fall, rolling your eyes at him because he always says that. This is another reason why you bring Lilian along.

Sauntering into your favorite bookstore, you cheerfully greet the clerk and begin browsing for newly released books. Not long after, two women approach you, one of which you recognize to be the bookkeeper’s daughter and a new friend of yours. She always comes to talk to you about the store’s newest additions, and it gives others around her the confidence to speak to you as well. Today she is with a slightly older woman who she introduces as a rising author.

“I believe I have read one of your books before; remind me, which ones have you written?” You prompt, making the woman blush and brighten.

“Snowflower is my most popular work. It is all thanks to your review that I was finally able to get noticed in the writing community!” She beams, sparking conversation with you and Lilian about the book that the two of you enjoyed so much. It must be more than 15 minutes later that you finally decide on what to purchase, you have been listening closely to all that the ladies have to say about each author and the summaries of each story. There were multiple that piqued your interest and you could not decide so you ended up with 3 books in hand as your friend walked you to the register. One of them happens to be a story following the trials and struggles of a mother who becomes pregnant during a war. Of course you hadn’t picked this book for its theme of motherhood. It promised to be a good read— though you had overlooked it many times before today— and you certainly did not choose it because it was the closest thing to a lesson on pregnancy you could get without purchasing the entire series of “Preparing for Parenthood”, perched on a shelf that you found yourself eying the majority of your stay in the store.

Your friend talks mindlessly as she rings you up for your books, inspecting your odd selection. “So tell me, Your Majesty, are you with ch- ow!” The woman beside her pinches her arm just out of your sight, offering up a tight lipped smile when she turns to pout at her. A short flash of realization crosses her face before she returns her attention to you.

“Am I with whom?” You ask, confused.

“Are you with t-the children! Have you- have you come to see the preschoolers perform today?” She covers quickly with a nervous smile. Lilian glares at her when you are facing the other way.

“Oh! I recall hearing that they will be performing a play today, I nearly forgot!” The people around you sigh in relief at your obliviousness, resuming conversation as though nothing had happened. They give you instructions to the school and you rush there, Lilian carrying your books and Kyungsoo leading the way.

When you arrive, there are only parents and family members filling the auditorium, signifying that the play has not yet started. They chat amongst themselves in a rumble of murmurs, but the noise quiets quickly once you are noticed by a teacher that stands near the stage area.

“Her Majesty!” She gasps. “Welcome, welcome!” She practically runs to you, approaching clumsily while Kyungsoo moves to shield you with his body, stopping the woman before she can get too close. You gently move him aside to allow the woman to see and speak directly to you. “I had no idea that the Queen would be visiting today! To what do I owe you the pleasure?”

“I have come to see the children perform. It is imperative of me as Queen to support our kingdom’s youth.” You smile, noticing a weird look that crosses her face for a moment before smoothing out. Lilian has a tight smile spread across her lips just out of your peripheral.

“Of course! Well, you are just in time, the show is about to begin.” She tries to clear the front row of parents for you, but you insist that the parents of the children should get the best seats, settling for the chairs she pulls up for you at the sides of the small theater.

The moment the toddlers waddle onto stage in their costumes, your heart liquifies. They are the cutest things you have ever seen. Some of them look confused, some are pouting, but most of them are excitedly waving at their parents in the crowd, nearly tripping over each other from not looking at what’s happening in front of them. Even more heartwarming is the reactions of the parents, each and every one of them sitting up straighter and beaming with joy at the sight of their offspring, even the parents who had previously looked bored. Your attention is split between what is happening onstage and in the crowd throughout the entire play, watching the silent interactions between child and parent. You could always tell which tot belonged to which parent because of their reactions. Every child had their own lines, and whenever one stepped up to speak, the parents would lean in closer to the stage or straighten up to send a thumbs up to the wide eyes that stare back at them.

At some point, you had begun to imagine what it would be like if your own child were up there. You scan the faces of the toddlers, determining that a shy little girl bears the closest resemblance to your future baby, and you watch her the entire rest of the play. Her finger reaches into her nose several times during the performance, something your toddler would be forced to learn not to do, and she appears to be quite hesitant to say her lines. You and Jimin would act just as her parents are now, waving at her and mouthing words of encouragement when it seems like she will not speak at all, smiling proudly after she executes her parts flawlessly. Jimin would probably hold your hand as you watch her and you would be able to feel the sweat on his palms from how much he would worry for her, whispering to you how he hopes she will not cry because of how shy and quiet she tends to be. And you would whisper back that your baby is talented and will do great because she is very mature for her age, being a Princess and all.

Your eyes do not leave the girl for a minute and you are so caught up in your fantasy that you almost miss when everyone stands to clap at the end of the show. You rise slowly and offer your applause, cheeks hurting from smiling too much, but you cannot ignore the bittersweet feeling in your chest that comes when all of the children disperse and run into the arms of their waiting parents. And you are forced to remember your situation. The teacher begs you to make closing remarks and you take your place on the empty stage to address your people. Unable to focus properly, you barely know what you are saying; you thank the students and teachers for a great show, repeat a total of 4 times how adorable the children were, speak at length about how much you enjoyed everything, and once you notice that you’re rambling, you conclude quickly and move from the spotlight awkwardly. The families don’t seem to notice as they return their attention to gushing over their babies.

Just as you are about to make your exit, someone runs up to you and stops at your feet, her hair barely reaching the bottoms of your knees as she looks up at you. It is the girl you had been watching, and her arms reach up to be held once you make eye contact with her. At the approval of her parents, you lift her light body and rest her on your hip, the position comfortable and natural despite you having held a child only a few times in your life. You congratulate her and she smiles at you, turning to look at her parents as you try not to marvel at how perfectly innocent and sweet her face is.

“Your Majesty,” Her mother greets with a bow. “I was very surprised to see you here today. I had heard that you often come to these parts of town, but I would have never expected you to grace us with your presence on an occasion like this.” She is very polite, noting how the little girl has taken a liking to you already.

“I believe it is important to keep in touch with my people, and what better way is there to connect with you all than to attend a performance of my kingdom’s children?” You grin.

“I heard rumors that lately you had been feeling quite under the weather.” At this you quirk an eyebrow. She continues. “Many had assumed you were pregnant, so word spread that the King would not allow you out of the palace and that is why you had been absent for the past few weeks.” As if Jimin could tell you what to do. Yes, it is true that you had not gone outside of the palace in about 3 weeks, but that was of your own accord.

Jimin’s mother had taken a short vacation to your home upon your request after you detailed to her your troubles with conceiving in a lengthy letter, and she spent those three weeks improving your physical health with things like yoga and kegal exercises, as well as offering you very blunt and personal advice that you were almost too embarrassed to put into practice. Jimin warned you of how she was unafraid to talk about intimate topics, recalling a specific conversation she had with him in his teenage years, but you were still unprepared for the sheer amount of information she gave you during that time. You simply did not have time to go on your weekly shopping trips.

“That is... not the case.” You reply, adjusting the girl on your hip.

“Oh, then you are not pregnant?” The woman seems surprised and Lilian seems almost outraged, cutting in when you open and close your mouth with no other response.

“We have not been to this part of your town yet, are there any places you suggest we visit?” Lilian’s voice sounds through her teeth, swiftly changing the subject. You didn’t think you would have trouble talking about this, but here you stand, blinking away tears at her question. The girl’s mother seems to realize her mistake when she takes in your watery eyes that you try to hide with a fake smile. You let Lilian continue her conversation as you wander away a few steps, pretending to inspect your surroundings as you gather yourself, until a nearby newspaper catches your eye. On the cover are the words “KING’S NEW ORDERS! PROTECT THE QUEEN” and your heart jumps at the suddenness. You bend carefully to turn the page and read the article, a mix of emotions rushing through your body that almost makes you lose grip on the child in your arms when you understand their significance. You quickly return her to her parents, excusing yourself from them on the pretense that you had to be back at the palace for important business, and you instruct Kyungsoo to guide you back to the carriage to head home.

Upon entering your bedroom, Jimin finds a note on the bed in your writing, reading it with curiosity. It leads him to a familiar place and he hurries there with mild concern, mind rushing with thoughts of what your note could have meant.

Curled up in your favorite chair, he finds you reclining with a new book in hand as you look through the window of your Secret Library. Your servants know nothing of this place, you and Jimin have made certain that it’s location remains hidden, so this is the only place you can truly be alone. To his knowledge, you only come here when something is troubling you or when you need to think, and his mind jumps to all of the worst case scenarios of what could have happened.

“My love, you wished to speak with me?” He asks, approaching urgently as according to your urgent letter. But you remain relaxed and unresponsive as you continue to flip through the pages of your novel. He looks down to inspect your choice reading, taking note that it speaks of a woman who, in this current scene, is just learning that she is pregnant. You take your time reading it, only turning to him after the chapter is finished. When you turn to him your eyes are blank and unreadable.

“Why have you placed a censorship on our people, My King?” You ask suddenly, and it takes him aback.

“A c-censorship?” He stutters out.

“Yes, you recently placed a censorship on the people of this kingdom, have you not?” You look him in the eyes and find that he can barely hold eye contact, his entire body tense. It is difficult for him to respond, especially since you were not supposed to know about this, at least not this soon.

“It is not a censorship.” He evades.

“Really? So you have not ordered our people to be silent about anything pertaining to pregnancy and children around me?” He fidgets under your piercing tongue, unsure of how to respond. “That sounds quite close to censorship to me.”

“It is only to protect you, My Queen,” He relents, stepping closer to you as you snap your book closed. “People can be very insensitive and I did not want you to be hurt by their words.”

“Hurt by their words? What words would they have said to me? I am not a child, Jimin, you need not protect me from words!” Your volume rises along with the redness of your face. “Are the people criticizing me in some way? What have they said? What have you heard to make you so wary of words?”

“Their words hurt me, (Y/n).” He says quietly as he lowers himself to his knees and takes hold of your hands when he sees the worry in your eyes. “What I heard hurt me, and I could not bear the thought that you may hear such things too. I did not do this because I think you are not strong enough to endure it, I did it because you do not deserve to hear such negativity.”

“Even so, how dare you make such a rash decision without consulting me.” You remove your hands from his and he does not reach for them again. “You saw me directly after your council meeting last week and mentioned not a word of this to me. If you had asked, I would have told you that none of this is necessary, that I can handle whatever my people have to say about me because I am the Queen!” Your voice cracks annoyingly as you fight back hot tears. “I should be able to answer them when they ask me questions. And maybe I should hear what they say about me. Because they are correct, I am not pregnant and I do not know if I can ever become pregnant and maybe they should be worried. My sensitivity should not warrant their silence.”

“You are not sensitive, my love, you have every right to feel the way that you do.” You ignore him.

“But what troubles me the most is how you so easily excluded me. You acted without my consent and planned to keep this from me indefinitely— you even made sure Lilian was the first to know so that she could keep watch over me today! What happened to our communication, Jimin? We should be able to talk to each other about anything and everything, but instead you felt the need to keep something so important a secret from me. You could have simply talked to me and told me how you feel. It feels as though we have not spoken in days, it is almost like you aren’t trying anymore. It feels like you have given up.”

The fire in your tone dies down until all that is left is pain, and Jimin realizes that it is he who has hurt you the most.

Lilian told him about where you went today and how you acted. She told him of the lost and pained look in your eyes as you watched the children, even though you were smiling. Most importantly, she relayed your exact reaction when that woman asked if you were pregnant. It was just as he had feared. Putting these pieces of information together with the book you had been reading, Jimin knows that this argument is about more than what you’d like him to believe.

“This is no longer about the censorship, is it?” He asks cautiously, guilt leaking onto his features. You appear shocked at first, not having realized your own subliminal shift from the topic, but then your face twists with emotion and you bite your lip and turn your head from him in an effort to hold yourself together. You are tired of crying in front of him.

“You-“ Sniffling, you try to control the shakiness of your voice. “You do not talk to me anymore. I never know how you are feeling these days because you have been avoiding me.”

“I do not try to avoid you, my love.” He frowns, moving his hand to rest on your knee.

“It feels like you are. You do not come to my health examinations anymore, you can never seem to make time for them.” He opens his mouth to speak, but you don’t let him. “I am always forced to go through them alone and I sit there the entire time wishing that you were there to hold me or reassure me, but I’m always alone. And it may be easier for you to hear the bad news from my mouth, but it hurts me more every time I am forced to tell you that I have failed once again. And we haven’t tried in a long while, I am beginning to fear that you no longer want to touch me.” Your eyes convey a deeper pain than your words can communicate, and the earnestness in them when you look at him breaks his heart. He didn’t mean to make you feel this way, it‘s the last thing he would want.

“I still very much want you, My Queen, I always will. I have been hesitant to initiate anything with you as of late because you seemed so disheartened and dejected and I did not want to further upset you with inappropriate timing. I have also been struggling to keep my optimism, forgive me for my misjudgment.”

“That is another problem,” You sigh, knitting your eyebrows. “I have no idea what you are thinking or feeling. You always comfort me and tell me that I can be open with my emotions with you, yet you do not listen to your own advice and tend to lock up around me. It will not lessen my sadness, but to know that you are just as affected by this as I am and that I am not overreacting would give me the tiniest bit of comfort. But when you force yourself to appear unaffected, it feels as though I am the only one who cares.”

“But I am the King,” Jimin starts, conflicted. “I cannot afford to show weakness or lament in our misfortunes. I must be strong for the people.”

“Strength is not the only trait of value!” You hiss, irritated that he has this perception that is so inaccurate. “Emotion does not always entail vulnerability and the people will see that. They adore how much you care about them, how you grieve with them when you learn of their losses, so why would it be inappropriate for you to care about me? Do not forget that you are also my husband. That is what you signed up for on our wedding day; you married me and the kingdom followed. Why is it that I am never your priority?!”

Sadness transforming into boiling rage, you stand and push past him toward the exit. This is your first real argument with him and it seems that everything that has been bothering you for the past few months is now exploding out of your mouth. You did not mean for your words to be so harsh, yet you could not control them and figured that you should let everything out while you had the chance. Much of your frustration is about your own incompetence, but you redirect it toward him because you cannot handle anymore mental self-abuse. A tiny part of you wants him to yell back at you and affirm everything you already thought about the direction of your relationship just so you could be right about something for once. Most of you, however, wants him to run after you, take you into his arms, look you in the eye and dispel all of your worries by pouring out his heart to you.

And that is exactly what he does.

“My love, do not run away.” He says gently, grabbing your hand before you can even make it 3 steps past him. He moves to the front of you, taking your face in his palms so he can stare into your eyes, hoping they can fill in the blanks between his words. “You are always my priority and you always will be. I-“ He sighs, looking away for a second before returning to you. “I do not always make the best choices, and for that I apologize. Being your husband and a King is far different than being a military general, and it is taking longer to adjust than I anticipated. I love you so much, to the point where I am afraid of making mistakes and losing your heart somehow, so I try too hard to be perfect. I take care of your kingdom because it was yours before it was mine and I know how dearly you hold it’s people. I try to be as tough as possible for you because I thought you would expect it of me when you were feeling weak.” His hands fall to your shoulders. “As a General, I learned that the only way to gain respect and love was to work hard and solve all issues, but it appears that I will need a different mindset in this situation. Because it seems I have become too consumed with work and too busy to show my love for you, and I know I will need to change that if I want to be a good father to our children.”

“You do not need to change at all, Jimin. Who you are trying so hard to be is not the same man you were when I met you. Yes, you were strong in front of others, but you never closed yourself to me. I do not want you to change or pretend to be tough, I want you to be you, because that is who I married.” This causes him to think back to how he has behaved in recent months. Maybe he was avoiding your appointments purposely so he wouldn’t have the chance to break down in front of the doctor or Lilian. And maybe he had been ignoring you so he wouldn’t have to face his own pain that you reflected. He’s been treating you unfairly in an effort to play a role that doesn’t exist, and he welcomes the guilt that slaps him in the face at the realization. He hates that he ended up like this even after all that you went through in the aftermath of your wedding. It is like he had forgotten all that he promised you.

“I apologize for everything, My Queen. I will remove the censorship immediately.” His head bows with heaviness. “I do still want a family with you, but maybe we should take a break from trying, just for a little while. Maybe this building friction between us and the stress it caused has been affecting our fertility. Maybe we are trying too hard and should take your advice to just be ourselves. A baby should be made from love, not by expectation. I do not want-“ He thinks about his next sentence carefully. “I want to improve our relationship first, before our attention is shifted to other matters. We are young and have not yet been married a year, my love, we will have plenty of time to conceive. Let me make up for the neglect you have suffered these past months. Let us take it one day at a time.”

He’s right, your relationship has been strained, and it is not only from the fact that you are not pregnant. The discord between you two has taken a toll on your body: you are constantly exhausted, your head pounds with headaches most days, and the loneliness has changed your positive attitude into one of sulking and disdain. It has changed you. So how could you think of bringing a child into this world when you are at this level of dysfunction? Things needed to be resolved first, and here he is, willing to work everything out with you after accepting his faults. You couldn’t possibly reject him.

It’s been nearly a month since your argument, and things have taken a turn for the better. You helped Jimin realize something he didn’t quite understand before: that as King, anything he says goes, so he has been taking frequent days off to spend time with you. He’s taken you on many dates around the kingdom, showing you his favorite places to go when he was a child, exploring different towns you hadn’t gotten a chance to see yet, he even accompanied you on your shopping day to meet some of the friends you’d made. Being able to spend time with him like this reminds you of what it felt like in the beginning of your relationship. The novelty of seeing him and the excitement you’d feel in the pit of your stomach. Except this excitement is now from your curiosity of what activities you’ll do with him that day and not from the thrill of possibly being caught together by servants.

You’ve kept things fairly innocent these past few weeks, focusing on rebuilding your emotional connection instead of being physical. You’d lost a lot of weight during the months you were at odds with Jimin, but you’re happy to say that you’re gaining it back now that you’re paying more attention to your health and happiness and not the crazy diets and detoxes that people recommended to you to help with conception. What’s more, you’ve been keeping busy by accompanying Jimin on his political duties instead of remaining put away in the palace. He didn’t want to involve you in political affairs to keep your stress levels low, but you remind him that you’ve been involved in things like that since you where a young princess, so this is the norm. So now you happily travel with him out of the kingdom to attend meetings with neighboring rulers and assure them of your health.

This is the first trip you’ve taken, and it feels absolutely liberating. Seokjin insisted that you and your husband stay in his family’s vacation home located in the area— one of many acquired throughout his travels as a collector and salesman— and it is arguably nicer than the one offered by the royals of this kingdom. Perhaps not as luxurious (though very close to it) but certainly more private. You’d take any opportunity to escape any hovering servants. Your eyes sparkle as you walk through the doors, taking in the modern furniture, high ceilings, and breathtaking view of the green valley and hills surrounding you. The altitude is quite a bit higher than you’re used to, the kingdom poised along a mountainside and sourcing its water from the river that flows through the valley below.

You blame this altitude for the sick feeling in your stomach and the lightness of your head, trying your hardest to keep your etiquette and not plop face first onto the huge mattress. You sit gingerly on the edge, aided by Jimin, who kept hold of your arm ever since he saw you swaying when you stepped out of the carriage. He fusses over you, letting out a disgruntled grumble when you remind him that you saw the doctor before your departure and she found no troubling conditions within you— not even pregnancy, which you were disappointed to hear, but not surprised. The symptoms come and go and you assure him that all you need is some rest and you’ll be back on your feet, and he leaves you under the watch of Lilian and Kyungsoo (who accompany you everywhere) while he travels to the castle to greet the King and assure him of your safe arrival. You nap while he’s away and awake just in time for dinner, feeling refreshed and symptom free, much to his relief.

Being away from the palace and kingdom is sure to do wonders for your physical and mental health. Just being here with the people you love is a breath of fresh air, and you can’t wipe the smile off your face. Seated at the table accompanied by Jimin, Lilian, and Kyungsoo, you feel this is the closest thing you’ll have to a family dinner for a long while. As your servant, Lilian never eats with you at the same time, let alone at the same table, but you begged her to join you and fill the evening air with casual chatter. Kyungsoo is your favorite guard and you’ve always wanted to get to know him, but he remains relatively quiet throughout the meal and never lets his guard down, taking the farthest seat from his monarchs to silently observe. Typical. With your energy levels still quite low, Jimin and Lilian do their best to raise your spirits by showing off their goofy sides, telling stories and making you laugh almost nonstop. But just seeing them bond so well is enough to make your heart swell. You wonder if Jimin will have this type of relationship with your children, one where they can joke freely and build trust with each other without being hindered by the forced power dynamic. You hope their relationship will be better than the somewhat estranged one you have with your father.

“Are you comfortable, my love?” Jimin asks as you settle in for bed. This mattress seems to be made from the clouds of the heavens, you’ve never felt relaxation like this. You’ll have to purchase one for your own bedroom.

“Yes, My King.” You return, grinning at the way his cheeks lift. He climbs in behind you after blowing out the lanterns, the scent of smoke wafting gently through the room.

“How are you feeling? Better?” He sounds tired and you have no desire to keep him awake with your troubles, so you nod.

“Yes, after my nap and dinner, I feel just fine.” You don’t mention your growing headache because you’re certain a good night’s sleep will resolve it. You’re feeling uncharacteristically tired, exhausted even, and it’s most likely from the long journey here. Hopefully, you’ll wake up refreshed and energized in the morning.

“Alright. Let me know if you need anything tonight.” He whispers, already starting to drift off.

“I won’t trouble you.” You assure him, sinking into slumber.

“Are you sure you are well enough to go out today?” Lilian sifts through your clothing, trying to decide what to dress you in for today’s events, accounting for the warm mid-spring weather. She is alone in the bedroom with you, Jimin having stepped out to give you privacy while getting ready.

“Yes, I am feeling much better.” This isn’t a lie. Although you felt extremely sluggish upon first waking up, you now feel great. Jimin had asked you about a thousand questions before leaving bed this morning and at breakfast, and you dispelled each one of his worries with confidence.

“I am glad to hear that, but please do pay attention to your condition, Your Highness.” She says this as she holds up a pristine gown for your approval, handing it to you when you nod both at her words and fashion choice.

She doesn’t need to vocalize what’s on her mind, you know what she’s thinking, and frankly, you’ve been having the same thoughts. But your doctor was very clear that you are not pregnant when you saw her before the trip. Also, you bleed 2 weeks ago, and though it was short-lived, it was accompanied by cramps and headaches, dutifully reminding you of your empty womb. So you ignore Lilian’s concerns and move about your day like normal, smothering the tiny bud of hope that tries to bloom in your chest.

“Are you excited for today’s meeting?” Moving away from the topic, she smiles at you through the mirror at the way your face lights up, beginning her work on your hair.

“This is the most excited I have felt in a long while! It will be my first diplomatic duty as Queen.” Finally, you feel useful.

“Would you like me to accompany you?” What she means is ‘would you like me to keep an eye on you to make sure you are feeling okay/ nothing bad happens’ but you pretend not to notice.

“No, Lilian, I want you to treat this as a vacation of sorts. You work so hard my humble, loyal friend. Go and explore the towns, have fun while we’re away from the kingdom.”

“I do not want a vacation, I want to make sure you are alright.” She responds quietly, blushing. You hum.

“Respectfully, I do not need to be looked after like a child.” You chuckle. “I can do well on my own. Besides, Jimin and Kyungsoo will be there if anything happens.”

“Then I will take my leave tomorrow after I make sure you are alright today.” She says stubbornly, not meeting your eyes in the mirror. “I cannot relax in good conscience without being assured of your safety.” Nodding, you accept her terms with a smirk.

“Always a pleasure to see you, Queen (Y/n).” King Jackson smiles at you, bowing his head in greeting. You grin widely as you sit across from him and his wife at the large conference table, Jimin placed closely at your side.

“You as well, Jackson.” Last you saw him, he was a prince. In fact, he submitted the first marriage proposal you’d ever received, asking your father for your hand in marriage as soon as he heard you were of age. He is a little less than 4 years older than you, handsome, bubbly personality, likable and charming on all fronts, and you had no qualms with marrying him, but you also had no desire to leave your kingdom to rule another. As King, he would have you move into his castle and be at his service where you would likely not hold any power or say in most matters involving the people, something that deeply displeased you, so you turned him down. Now he has a wife and several small children, as well as the throne and an entire kingdom to lead. And as of your coronation, he is your kingdom’s closest ally.

“No need to be so formal, Queen.” He jokes, immediately setting a relaxed atmosphere. You are meeting to discuss and update the terms of a treaty between your allied nations, one that your fathers had written and agreed upon many years ago, but legally needs to be reviewed thanks to the recent shift in power. Your father is quite close with Jackson’s own, therefore you have a good relationship with the young King from years of getting acquainted during your childhood. Jimin, however, has no such history with the man and seems rather tense around the lighthearted playful. “I was disappointed when you refused by marriage proposal, but it seems that you have chosen a handsome and competent spouse in my place, just as I have.” He grins, winking at his wife, Lena.

“It was never ‘your place’, do not be so big headed,” You roll your eyes but he ignores your quip, eyes trained on Jimin.

“We spoke yesterday evening, but I am intrigued to get to know more of you, King Park. May I call you Jimin?” Jackson barely waits for a reply before continuing. “I must know more of the man whom I am to be allied with, and the man who married the ever-so-independent princess.”

“I must admit, I am curious about you, too. But if my beloved trusts and acknowledges you, then I will do the same.” Reaching under the table, Jimin’s hand finds yours and you smirk, pleased that he won’t let the other King intimidate him.

“Regarding the treaty;” Jackson pulls out a long document, skimming over the lengthy script that you are both irritatingly familiar with. “Will our kingdom’s continue to remain allied during times of war, help financially and provide resources in times of natural disaster, respect the borders set by each nation without the intention of gaining territory, and continue to keep trade borders open?” He reads off the major points of the list, you and Jimin answering with a ‘yes’ to each. “Is there anything else you would like to add?”

“Not that I can think of.” You respond, Jimin saying the same. Feeling satisfied by your responses, Jackson signs his name under the print of your fathers, passing the document to you for your signature. But you slide the paper to your husband, whose name appears in ink now instead of yours. Surprised by this, you can see the unfiltered comment bubbling out from the brazen King’s dome.

“I would not have expected, (Y/n), that you would submit the powers of your status to a man.” It is obvious that he has already assumed that your action means that you no longer hold the highest authority in your own land, but you are both quick to correct him.

“You are mistaken.” Your voices harmonize into one as you say this, Jimin continuing on to explain. “My Queen has not yielded even an inch of power to me. As I am sure you know, she is fully capable of handling affairs such as these, any responsibility she has shifted to me has been due to her own discretion.” Though his tongue is quick, Jimin is sure to keep a light, non-malicious tone so as not to offend your friend. You’d much rather focus on internal public affairs, leaving international and business related issues to your husband. But it seems others have the wrong idea about you.

The man across from you blinks at this, raising his eyebrows, and you know Jimin has just gained a large amount of respect in his eyes. You find it quite flattering to see him so defensive of you and you give an approving squeeze of his hand.

“As expected,” Jackson hums with a grin, receiving the document as Jimin passes it back to him. “Well, it seems that our business here is complete! Shall we have champagne to celebrate this swift agreement?” He doesn’t realize his error until his wife nudges him in the ribs and he looks up to see your faces pulled into wide-eyed frowns. “Ah, yes— my apologies,” He scratches his neck bashfully. “Then, may I interest you in some exercise?” Eyes boring straight into Jimin’s, he asks this as the men share a look.

“Oh, this is so exciting!” Lena beams, nearly bouncing in her seat as you both observe from a bench on the side of the field. Somehow you hadn’t expected this when Jackson offered his proposal. Your husbands are standing in a marked area with protective gear covering their bodies and gleaming swords, preparing for a sparring match in the warm weather. The sun beats down on you as you squint at them, using your hand to shade your eyes before Lilian appears with a parasol to place over your head. “Have you ever seen your husband fight before?” She asks, staring at your side profile.

“Never.” You respond. “This should be interesting.” Admittedly, you tend to shy away from violence, resenting the thought of people battling each other for bloody glory. Though you are in charge of the military, you never ask for too many details, and skillfully avoid any training grounds near the castle. It may be ironic, then, that you married a General who has seen more battles than he’s cared to mention and carries more scars than he’d care to explain. But you must admit that you’re intrigued by the spectacle he’s sure to put on for you, comforted by the fact that this is completely safe.

“Jackson has been training sword for most of his life, but has never seen an actual battle. I wonder how their skills will compare.” Lena states proudly, sipping from the drink one of her servants comes to offer, dismissed when you decline.

“I hear that you were a General, King Park.” Jackson checks the cap at the tip of his sword, nodding to the instructor that stands at his side.

“I’d like to think that I still am one.” Jimin responds as he stretches out his stiff muscles.

“Even after being promoted to Commander in Chief?”

“I’ve done nothing to earn that title but get married.” The man before him hums.

“I assume you are quite skilled with a sword then, have you practiced fencing before?”

“Of course, it is taught as the basics of sword fighting. Though, I would not say I am a master.” Humbly, your husband lowers his head to inspect his blade, shaking his head at Jackson’s outcry.

“Nonsense! Any man who has done battle for his life is surely a master. Though, I do ask that you do not hold back on me here; I certainly will not do the same for you.” A wolfish grin creeps up onto both Kings faces, mirroring each other as they pull down the hoods of their face guards.

“You’ve said nothing of your own skill thus far, I will not make the mistake of underestimating you.” The match starts swiftly after they take position, Jackson lunging forward and barely missing Jimin’s side as he dodges out of the way.

Your mouth falls open as they move, each motion calculated and precise. You know nothing about fencing, but it is clear that they are both highly skilled. You’ve never seen your lover move this way before, so dynamic and captivating as though he were performing a dance. Powerful and graceful in every step taken toward his opponent, wielding his blade as though it were an extension of himself. He is beautiful to watch, your heartbeat speeding up in your chest as you are enraptured by the display. Both King’s are even in size and capability, but you can see the ease of movement Jimin possesses compared to Jackson’s deliberate strokes, almost as if he were teasing him. Lena cheers from beside you, but you can’t make a sound. Seeing him like this— completely in his element and moving so gracefully— has your body heating for another reason unrelated to the unrelenting sun. You’ve married an amazing man.

“You’re quick.”

“That is a great compliment, coming from you,” Jackson grunts, keeping Jimin on the defensive with his bold attacks. “But I can tell you are merely playing with me.”

“Not playing.” Waiting. One thing Jimin is an expert at is waiting. Patience is his strength, in fighting and in his daily life. He was patient when it came to you, taking his time with each step of your relationship until he was entirely sure that you were ready, that you wanted him. He was patient with each of his military promotions, climbing up the ranks with hard work and diligence until he was recognized. And he will continue to be patient with the next stage of his life, trying his best not to lose hope that you will become pregnant one day, so he will deal with the disappointment and trials with you for as long as it takes.

As soon as Jackson falters he takes his shot, attacking with swift consecutive swings until his opponent is pushed far back on his side of the space and leaves an opening, one decisive lunge ending the match. They both pant as Jimin’s sword makes contact with the center of the other King’s chest, the cap pressed into the padding protecting his flesh. There’s silence for a beat before they both drop their guard, retuning to the start position. Jimin turns his head to make sure you were watching, lifting his mask to wink at you and smirking salaciously when you blush.

“Well done.” Jackson nods. “But I won’t let you get the better of me next time!”

“Your husband is a bit intense, no?” You ask Lena as she giggles, humming in agreement.

“And it seems your husband is a bit competitive.” You also nod, the heat drying your mouth as you watch her sip her drink again. She calls over her servant when she catches your stare and they hand you a glass— Kyungsoo swooping in annoyingly to try it first before you can taste the sweet liquid. “He seems very fit and possesses a beautiful physique, I’m astounded that you have the willpower to leave bed with a man like that, especially as newlyweds.”

You choke on your drink mid-swallow, nearly spitting it out because of her words. Jackson has a notoriously dirty mind, it is no surprise to you that his wife shares that quality— she’d have to, in order to tolerate him. She laughs as Lilian takes the drink from you as you wipe your mouth, turning the comment back on her.

“I could say the same to you, Jackson is just as built.”

“Oh, trust that he kept me in bed for months after our wedding date. It is no coincidence that I have this many children now.” Her eyes shift back to the men on the field, seemingly satisfied with the rosiness of your cheeks. Recovering, you address her once more.

“Speaking of, may I meet them?”

“I’ve known (Y/n) for most of my life,” Jackson speaks up during their final round. “Though I submitted a proposal, she’s grown to be like a sister to me over the years.”

“Is that so?” Jimin grunts, their swords clashing loudly.

“I was skeptical of what kind of man she had chosen when word spread of your betrothal. Wondered if you would be able to protect her as she tends to venture out and do things on her own; sometimes-” He jumps back as Jimin closes in. “-befriending the wrong people. I worried when I heard of the catastrophe at your wedding ceremony.” The cap of Jimin’s sword touches to his opponent’s chest once again, ending the sparring match. They both remove their helmets and masks, breathing heavily as they look at each other. “I truly empathize with what you were forced to experience. I could not imagine being in that situation with my wife.” Both men turn to look at you and Lena, their 4 children surrounding you as you hold the youngest in your lap. It is a sight that simultaneously melts and breaks your husband’s heart. “Nonetheless, after meeting you, I am confident that she is in good hands. I like you a lot, Jimin, and though my approval may mean nothing, I think you are an excellent match for her.”

You look up to see them shaking hands, both of them walking over to you with content looks on their faces. The child in your lap looks up as his father approaches, making grabby hands at your friend until he reaches down and lifts him from you. You watch with starry eyes as Jackson props the child up on his hip, kissing over his chubby cheeks and forehead, but then your attention is pulled away when Jimin stops to stand in front of you.

“Did you win?” You ask, already knowing the answer.

“Yes, My Queen,” He bows dutifully, running a hand through his sweaty hair. It should be offensive how sexy he looks right now, standing in the sun with his wet hair, skin shining with hard work and eyes landing lazily on your figure with a lazy smirk. Your heart jumps and you have to look away before your mind slips even further away. “Do I get a victory kiss?” He bends down toward you, puckering his lips, and you push lightly at his chest with a laugh.

“But you’re all sweaty!” Your nose wrinkles at him but your eyes still lock onto his lips, even as you continue to swat at him.

“No kiss for your King?” Jackson quips, turning to his own wife who is already shaking her head in disgust. “Lena~ Don’t I get a reassurance kiss after my defeat?” The same look Jimin has on his face is contagious to the other King, who grins at Lena as she shields her face with another one of their giggling children, peeking out from over her shoulder. Both men approach with puckered lips, causing their Queens to squeal at their playfulness— you even hop up from the bench to avoid him, taunting him as Jimin chases you around the field. It’s rather immature, but you feel no need to pretend here or uphold appearances in front of your hosts. Lilian and Kyungsoo look on fondly, never having seen you so carefree.

“You never minded my sweat before, my love.” Jimin whispers to you when you finally allow him to give you a peck on the lips, his arms wrapped loosely around your waist. You don’t respond, rolling your eyes at him with a barely hidden smile.

“You seem to be getting along nicely with Jackson.” You comment as you rummage through your luggage, searching for one specific item. Jimin replies from behind the partition of the bathroom, bathing away the grime of the day in preparation for the night. You had both sent Lilian away when she offered to help and she took off to explore the nighttime activities of the kingdom, one of Jackson’s male servants offering to be her guide. You’ll be sure to ask her for details in the morning.

“Yes, he is quite an interesting character. He gave me his official approval to marry you, which I suppose I am grateful for.” Hearing the smile in his voice, you giggle, silencing the gasp that leaves your chest when you pull out the delicate lace garments, your heart rate speeding up. You aren’t sure why you feel so anxious about this. It’s not like you to get nervous about being intimate with Jimin, but you’ve never done anything like this before. Maybe it’s because it’s been a while since you last had him, the recent abstinence keeping your body on edge. Or maybe you are worried about what he will say when he sees you. Embarrassment colors your face as you quickly slip on the set, covering yourself with a robe when you are finished.

“He gave you his blessing to marry me?” You chuckle.

Stepping onto the tile of the partitioned washroom, you stand before the full length mirror to inspect yourself before tying it closed. The robe covers you from Jimin’s viewpoint behind you as he finishes washing up, and you try to appear productive as you move to moisturize yourself. When he is finished, your husband approaches from behind, a towel hung low on his waist as he comes to wrap his arms around your midsection. You can feel his sturdy body pressing into you as he pulls you closer, his eyes staring into yours through the glass when he rests his chin on your shoulder.

“His ego hasn’t shrunk an inch since I last saw him.” You sigh, letting your eyes flutter shut as the two of you sway gently together.

“Well, he is a King.” Jimin reasons in a whisper.

“But so are you.” His arms loosen around you when he feels you start to turn, both of your eyes open now as you peer up at him with glittering eyes, gingerly locking your fingers behind his neck. Your heart kicks up as you watch the easy grin on his lips, the absolute and unwavering adoration he holds for you so evident in his gaze. It reminds you of earlier times, his expression the exact same as when he first confessed that he was in love with you and you reciprocated, kissing him so certainly. Now, you kiss him with practiced ease and press ever closer into his warm body. Jimin’s tongue dances with yours, both of you getting lost in the moment until you are forced to pull away for air. “You were amazing today, General Park.”

The use of his former title makes his eyebrows shoot up in surprise. It isn’t like he doesn’t like the name, it is simply that he never expected to hear it come from you again.

“I did not realize that you were so agile and powerful, I was very impressed with what I saw.” One of your fingers trails down his chest, playing in the dip of his v-line before coyly tracing back upwards with each slow word you speak. “That is not to say that I was unaware of your capabilities, you have found great success in protecting me and my kingdom, but watching you was eye opening... and quite arousing.” His breath hitches in a way that gives you more confidence, courage swelling in your chest that helps you ignore the redness of your cheeks.

“Is that so?” Jimin swallows, curiosity lighting his gaze.

You hum in affirmation. “You must work extremely hard to become that skilled, so I thought it appropriate to give you a gift to show my appreciation for all that you do.” Taking a step back, you play with the ribbon of your robe, amused by the sudden change in Jimin’s expression. He watches you like a predator stalking it’s pray, detailing every movement of your nimble fingers with a heaving chest as you move at a snail’s pace to untie your robe. You decide to tease further once the ribbon is finally untied, only revealing the tops of your shoulders from the silk, holding yourself in modesty until it looks like he’s going to go insane before you open the from to reveal yourself.

Jimin feels like he could faint from what he sees when the robe drops. You are decorated in a lacy white lingerie set that is quite transparent, your nipples visible through the designs of the fabric. The bra of the set extends downwards under your cleavage and he feels his hands lifting to rest on your ribs to touch the material, following it delicately until he cups your breasts with his palms. Maybe it is due to the design of this expensive undergarment, but you fill out the bra much more than either of you would have expected, your breasts round and pushing at it in all the right spots. This is the lingerie set that Jin had hidden behind your commissioned painting as part of your wedding gift, and Jimin had completely forgotten that it was in your possession. He chooses not to question how Seokjin knows your body measurements in order to purchase the present. Eyes trailing down, Jimin takes in the equally scandalous panties that adorn your hips, all parts solid white except for the crotch that remains lacy and see-through giving him a view that makes his mouth water.

You look absolutely stunning, and he tells you in as many words as possible.

“Your gift is not yet complete, General.” The look on his face is everything that you had hoped for, and you wish to shock him even further with your next move. Hooking your fingers into the towel at his waist, you unravel it and expose his growing length, sinking down in front of him.

Quickly, he grabs your arm once he realizes what you are doing, preventing you from going lower. You pout up at him. “My Queen, a woman of your status should never kneel on the ground for any man. You must remain dignified.”

“My dignity,” You half scoff at the notion, rising to look him in his beautiful brown eyes. “I have neither dignity nor pride. You have it all, my love; I have given myself to you completely.” You allow yourself to break from your role play just this once, he needs to know that your words are true. If there is anything he should know by now, it is that you hold no reservations toward him. With him, you are equal and you trust him completely. It is not like you have never serviced him before, but he has never seen you on your knees below him due to his own beliefs and you would like to change that tonight. “I want to do this for you.”

This time when you lower yourself, he allows you to drop until your knees rest on the ground. The view he has is undeniably sinful. You can tell how much he enjoys it by how rapidly he hardens in front of your face. But when you look up from your own spot on the floor, you find that your view is equally as jaw dropping. Jimin looks down at you from over his nose, the damp hair on his head sticking to his forehead and dangling over his eyes, shadowing his features into sharp lines. Every inch of his body is chiseled to perfection, displaying the hours of training he has undergone over the years to get to the level of skill you witnessed today, and if it were not for you already kneeling on the marble, your knees would have buckled right from under you. He is like a statue carved by the gods. And he is all yours.

“If a Queen wants her soldiers to keep performing for her she must reward them, and you are the very best, so I will be sure to give you special treatment.” Lightly grasping his member, you take the time to feel how he grows in your grip. Just the feeling of you running your fingers over his plush balls has him almost fully erect, the muscles of his abdominals tensing as you lean forward to slide him into your mouth, caressing the underside of his cock with your tongue without closing your lips just yet. You’ll work him up slowly, you decide, wanting him to savor this rare occasion in hopes that he will allow you to do it again sometime. Your palm smears your saliva around his shaft and starts to steadily pump him up and down, the simple action causing a groan to tear from your lover’s throat.

Jimin does not know where to look in this moment. Should he focus on your hands as the diligently work to pleasure him? Your tongue when it peeks out from your lips to tease at his slit? The dip of your cleavage that lie in his direct line of sight, framed so perfectly by the underwear you don? Or perhaps those smoldering eyes you stare up at him with, those plotting, gorgeous eyes that call to his deepest desires? You look as if you would do anything for him at this moment— you have intentionally put yourself at his feet to show how vulnerable you are willing to be with him, that you trust him to the utmost degree and you would sink this low, literally, to demonstrate that.

“Shit,” Jimin curses, eyes trained on the way your lips wrap around his reddening tip. You sense his hands fidgeting at his sides, so you take them to place on top of your head, nodding encouragingly until he weaves his fingers into your hair. He throbs in your mouth and you fight back a smirk.

Working meticulously, you take the time to circle your tongue around every sensitive place at his cockhead, licking slowly over his frenulum and flicking over his slit as it starts to leak. The flavor is slightly salty and entirely him, and it makes your legs press together from where your knees dig into the polished marble. Your lips and tongue play at his upper half for a while, one of your hands rubbing whimsical patterns along his tensing thigh while the other tends to his aching base, pumping in time with your mouth with a slight twist to your wrist that has his fingers tightening against your scalp.

“Are you enjoying your gift?” You break away to speak, twirling your tongue around the line of saliva that connects you to his tip in the most lewd way possible.

“Yes,” Jimin pants, clearing his throat when his voice comes out raspy. But the sound makes you drip into your designer panties, the flimsy material doing little against your increasing wetness. “How did you become so skilled at this, My Queen? You are such an angel but possess devilish talent with that pretty mouth of yours.”

“I had an excellent teacher.” You wink up at him, hoping he was imaging all the times he guided you when you wished to taste him, becoming more confident as time passed and you no longer feared your gag reflex. You figure now is a good time to demonstrate just how well you absorbed those lessons, you finally sink further down on him until he touches the back of your mouth, collecting your spit to slick him before pushing him deeper and into your throat. Your stomach quivers as you hold back the urge to gag, but he sees none of that because when you look up his head is tossed back in ecstasy and concentration. He must focus so he doesn’t cum so soon.

“Just like that.” Biting into the plush of his bottom lip, Jimin falls into the trance of your movements, bobbing up and down on him with his tip lodged in your throat. The first moan he lets out has a shiver crawling up your spine, deep and loud so it echoes against every surface of the room. Drool slides out of your mouth as you continue to suck him but you pay no mind to it, only focused on the way your lover’s body reacts to you. His chest heaves for breath and you can see perspiration beginning to coat his chest and neck, Adam’s apple bobbing every time he swallows. The hand that was previously occupied with the rest of his length moves to his balls, kneading and massaging the sack gently as more moans pour from his mouth. Your clit throbs the longer you suck on him, his cock now at full length and hardness and feeling so thick and heavy on your jaw that you can’t help but fantasize about feeling it inside you again.

His hips eventually begin to twitch and rock into each of your movements, but you can tell he is restraining himself from bucking into you fully. When his eyes connect with yours again, you nod as best you can, pulling off slightly to take a few deep breaths and kiss along his silky skin. Once you have your breathing back to normal, you poise yourself with your mouth open wide and tongue poking out, the sight of you inviting him into your warmth while dressed so scantly and looking up at him with such confidence making it incredibly difficult for him to keep his composure. Here you are, his Queen, the ruler of an entire kingdom by birth right who possesses such elegance and high esteem, sitting below him and offering your throat for his pleasure. This is something that no one else in the entire world will ever see and he feels something similar to pride swelling in his chest at that fact. He knows what you are silently asking him to do, so he does not keep you waiting a second longer before inserting himself back into your mouth and easing his way in until your nose is nestled in the trimmed hair above his pubic bone.

Curses leave him in a continuous string as he takes time to adjust to the sensation, a lightness filling your head that makes you feel like you are floating through the clouds. And that feeling only increases when he starts to move, pulling his hips back for you to take in air through your nose before thrusting in again. Jimin fucks your mouth slowly at first, warming you up to it before he starts to get a bit rougher and visibly more eager, his lips sucked into his mouth as he glares down at you. In any other context, you would think him angry if he ever peered at anyone this intensely, but now you only feel the pool of arousal that builds in your core and gushes out of you at the intimidating glower. Still, his muscles are rigid with hesitance.

“May I go faster?” He breathes, never pulling out to free your mouth to respond. You moan out an answer as best you can, running your tongue against him in approval until he finally releases his tension and follows the urges of his body. He doesn’t aim deep into you, but his pace is quick, surely bruising your esophagus, yet you cannot bring yourself to be bothered. The sensation is indescribable, his hands cupping the back of your head and the sheer heat of his body almost overrides the lack of oxygen in your lungs— and simply imagining the pleasure he is feeling because of you has electricity shooting down to your core. Jimin has his eyes glued to the sight of his cock disappearing into your mouth, but they quickly shift when your hands find their way to your chest to pull down the bra just enough so your nipples poke out, both hands pushing your breasts together to give him a sight that almost causes him to lose his load right then and there. His hips lose control, stuttering and twitching as his eyes widen comically at the dream-like image of you, and he is forced to pull away after little over a minute of fucking your face. “Fuck-!”

“Is something the matter?” You ask innocently, knees screaming out from your sustained position. The veins in your husband’s hand bulge as he grips himself so tightly his knuckles turn white, his length jumping every time he opens his eyes to look at you. His use of hard profanity is enough to tell you how much you have unraveled him and you revel in the accomplishment.

“Get up here.” He pants, taking your arm in his free hand and helping you to your feet. You hear him click his tongue at the redness of your knees, but don’t have much time to dismiss it before his lips are on yours. Jimin kisses you deeply as if your face is not sloppy with saliva and his precum. He kisses you like it could save lives. And above every filthy thing you have done with him, this kiss is what makes you feel a bashful heat color your cheeks when he pulls you closer.

“Am I to assume I performed well?” You mumble against his lips, eyes crossing slightly to see his smile.

“You were outstanding. So much so that I nearly came down your pretty throat.” Smugly, Jimin unclips your bra, parting from your lips after several minutes of kissing to trace his tongue down your neck until he reaches your chest, forgoing all teasing to wrap his lips around a pert nipple.

“Oh-“ A surprised yelp leaves you and he has to use his strength to keep you from falling over, your legs suddenly feeling like jelly. Your fingers card through his drying hair, tugging at the unbothered man as he has his fun marking and sucking at you. As always, his mouth works miracles, but you have never felt anything like this before. Each swipe of his tongue around your nub has you moaning out his name, when he twists at the other nipple your head falls back in absolute bliss. He’s not doing anything extraordinarily notable, but it is like your body has reached a sensitivity that is completely new to you both. Jimin certainly is enjoying it immensely. His eyes are closed but you can see how they crinkle gleefully at the sides, his cheekbones high almost as if trying to conceal his amusement at your reactions. With puckered lips, he suctions one of your nipples before pulling back to speak.

“I can’t wait,” He grazes his teeth over your other tit before continuing. “-until these fill up with milk for our baby. I’m sure you will look incredible carrying our child inside you— even more amazing than you already look, my love. So round and plump... your cute little womb filled to the brim with my cum and baby.” Your eyes roll when one of his hands slips down your panties to tease at your lips. A growl resonates in his chest at the feel of your wetness. “You like the sound of that, don’t you? What would the people say if they found out that their elegant Queen got soaking wet just from sucking cock and thinking of getting her pussy stuffed full of cum? Hmm? Surely they will know how filthy you are once they see you swollen with my child, walking around the kingdom so shamelessly after getting marked by my seed. They’ll know just how good you’ve been for me, darling.”

“I want them to know I’m yours; I want to be pregnant with your baby so badly!” You sob, hips bucking into his hand as soon as he makes contact with your clit.

He soothes you with soft kisses along your face, ending with a lick to the corner of your mouth as you pant out loud moans for him. “I know, love. The time will come soon enough.”

Once again his lips return to your chest, and the combination of his mouth and fingers has your walls fluttering and clenching around nothing. Even after he removes his hand from your panties to hold you closer to him, you feel the building of an orgasm. Your body is completely taken by his tongue and teeth as they suckle cherry blossoms into your skin. And when his wet fingers travel up to twist at your unattended nipple, you feel your body careening off the edge unexpectedly.

“J-Jimin, I-“ Your sentence is cut short by a long whimper, mind going blank at the pleasure. You are able to feel how your walls snap open and closed, each pulse growing more intense as the high drags on for what seems like an eternity to you. Jimin groans at the sounds you make and he looks on in awe from where he still laves at your breast as you bite down on your lower lip to ground yourself. He doesn’t mind the way you tug at his roots in your bliss. The pain only adds to the throbbing of his cock.

“So sexy,” He murmurs as you regain your senses. You seem embarrassed, unable to meet his eyes, and he questions it.

“I have never-“ Averting your eyes to the ground, you look for words in your scrambled mind.

“You’ve never cum like that before?” For some reason you find it slightly humiliating and you have no idea why. Were you really that sensitive from not having sex with him for a few weeks? Your nipples were never that receptive before. Nodding in agreement, you hide your face until Jimin lifts your chin with his finger. “Do not shy away from me, My Queen. You look gorgeous when you cum.” Before you can process it, his hands are yanking down your ruined panties, drenched all the way through and dripping. Your back connects with the wall next to the mirror as you are pinned against the surface with his weight. His fingers slide over your clit and you jolt, attempting to close your legs, but he is faster and jams his thigh between yours to hold you open. “In fact, you look so good that I want to see you do it again.”

Without warning, he plunges 2 fingers knuckle deep into you, searching with little trouble for that spongey area inside you. You are wet enough to lubricate his fingers until he drips down his hand, the slick part of his palm beginning to rub harshly against your clit when his fingers curl upwards.

“Oh fuck,” You gasp brokenly when he reaches your spot. Feeling you clench, Jimin hums and goes to work massaging the area with the pads of his fingers, pressing his other hand to your lower stomach to increase the pressure. Since the first time you squirted he has been almost obsessed with the sight, working diligently to figure out how to make you do it again. There have been many nights dedicated solely to that cause— nights that you endured with bright red cheeks each time he made fun of your fucked out expression and hoarse voice— it is to the point where he now knows your every weakness and can manipulate your body with mastery. He knows exactly how much pressure you like when his fingers are deep inside you. He knows just the right way to massage that sensitive area to get you to fall apart again even if you feel overstimulated. He knows how to move his entire arm to hit that spot each time without fail, his technique flawless as he moves rapidly inside your clenching heat. Almost like a balloon filling with water, you feel another high building up in your core frighteningly fast and the lewd squelch coming from between your legs soon becomes the loudest noise in the room.

“Let go for me,” Jimin encourages into your skin, burying his face in the crook of your neck and panting hot breaths. It is easy to tell how easily he gets himself worked up when pleasuring you. His hard, wet cock twitches incessantly against your thigh, teasingly close to where you want him, and the feeling alone has you galloping closer to your second release. “You look so beautiful like this, pushed against a wall and taking my fingers. I bet you are just starving for my cock, aren’t you, My Queen? I’ll give it to you right after you cum for me. I want you to show me how badly you want it by soaking my arm with your sweet juices.”

The filthy words he feeds you only add to the hunger you feel for him. One of your legs lifts to wrap around his waist, pulling him closer as the balloon in your core continues to grow. Your heart is in your ears, beating rapidly, and you have no other choice but to listen to him and release your pleasure. With one synchronized prod of his fingers and circle around your clit, you descend into depraved ecstasy and let the balloon pop. You black out slightly, ears ringing and body numb to the world except for everywhere that your husband touches you, but you are aware of the satisfied moan he gives at your obedience. Whispers of delicate praises tickle your chest as he rests his forehead on your collarbone to watch you soil the floors and his lower half with your clear cum. The sound of it splashing and splattering against each nearby surface is quite embarrassing but you can’t bring yourself to think of it when your legs are shaking this hard and your body is tingling with joy.

“Good girl,” You hear Jimin groan, pulling his fingers from you to wrap his arms around your waist so you don’t topple over on your wobbly leg. He figures it may just be easier to keep you up if both of your legs are off the wet floor, so he moves your other leg to wind around his waist before carrying you out of the room and away from the mess to the bed.

Your glazed eyes take him in as he stands above you, a hand running through his disheveled hair as he studies you as well. His face is flushed and sweaty and his chest rises and falls quickly, but you’re sure that is only partly due to the effort he has just put in. There are claw marks on his shoulders and you gasp. You hadn’t realized you were gripping him so tightly, but he doesn’t seem to mind the marks at all, focused entirely on the throbbing member between his legs. Your eyes drop down his toned body to where his hand leisurely strokes up and down his shaft, purposely avoiding the tip to keep himself on the edge. It is almost purple with built up pressure, likely painful by this point, and you will yourself to move your weak limbs to reach out for him, pulling him closer to invite him between your open legs.

He takes his place at your center, one hand pressing into the soft mattress beside your head as he leans over you. You want him to kiss you so badly, but you want him inside you even more. He acquiescences this by sliding into you smoothly before swooping down for your lips.

“Mm~ Jimin!” The thick girth of his shaft stretches you perfectly, ignorant of your ticklish sensitivity as it searches for the deepest spot within you. In no time at all Jimin’s hips are flush with your ass, lips and tongue swallowing your moans into his own mouth.

“(Y/n)-“ He moans in response. Eyes squeezed tight, he forces himself to remain still. “I lose my breath every time I take this dripping pussy of yours. I’ll never get used to it.” Flattered, you hide your face with his by pulling him in for another kiss. The two of you stay like this for a long while, adjusting to each other’s bodies and basking in the intimacy of the moment.

“My love, please move.” You whine when the stillness becomes unbearable, yet you grieve at the loss of his heat when he leans away to pull you closer to the edge of the bed.

The first thrust of his hips already has you squirming. Your slick makes it so easy for him to pump into you that he barely has to put in any effort at all, his hips snapping sharply into you from the beginning. You let your legs fall farther apart at his sides and bite your lip when Jimin’s eyes land between your thighs, staring intently at the place where your bodies connect. You’re sure he can see everything, from the way your lips spread open around his wide member, to the shiny streaks of your arousal that quickly slick the inside of your thighs. It’s like you can feel his gaze caressing you, your body feeling sensitive everywhere he studies. You moan unabashedly at the sensation.

“Do you like it, My Queen? Does this feel good?” He prompts, eager for your praise.

“Y-yes, I-“ It has been so long without his cock inside you that you can’t think clearly. All you can do is shout his name and cling to the bedsheets as he wraps his arms around your thighs and holds them flush against his front. The angle makes you stutter, his tip touching somewhere sensitive that has your thighs squeezing closed. “P-please, harder. Use me.”

“Keep these fucking legs open.” Jimin growls, thrusting more harshly now. You attempt to follow his command and unclench your thighs, but they shake violently as soon as they part and it takes immense focus for you to hold them there. Looking up at your lover, you see the dark look that overtakes his features, dominance radiating off of him as he gets lost in you. You haven’t seen this look on him in a long while, but you’d be lying if you said it wasn’t sexy. He looks like he wants to eat you alive, devour you whole and leave not a morsel of you left until he’s had his fill.

Watching Jimin gain so much pleasure from you takes you to another level of bliss. His fingers dig into your thighs as he pounds his cock within your depths, determined to pull more desperate sounds from your throat, and his teeth bite down on his plush bottom lip in concentration. Sweat now trickles down his brow from the humid heat of the room, undoing the bath he took prior and replacing the soap with the scent of sex that leaks from his pores. This man is undeniably the hottest person you have ever laid eyes on and you can’t help but clench around him at the visuals he’s giving you.

Feeling you clench, Jimin moans, dragging his eyes up your figure until they land on your breasts. They jolt with every harsh thrust he gives you and dance flirtatiously in front of him— he can’t look away. Suddenly, he leans down and snatches up your hands, pinning them above your head with his fingers intertwined with yours, nearly drooling at how delectable you look under him. Your breasts certainly look different, the shape has become rounder and they jiggle slightly more than he can remember, but Jimin doesn’t think much of this as he focuses on delivering hard strokes. You shiver when his tongue licks a stripe up your damp neck, sucking a spot just below your ear before nibbling the lobe. He knows this is a weak spot for you, and just as he expected, your walls tighten around him once more. You push against him, trying to free your hands, but he has them locked sturdily in his grasp, silently forcing you to submit to him. You probably want to wind your fingers in his hair or grip onto his biceps, but he won’t give up an ounce of power at the moment. Not while he is ravaging you like this. So you settle for squeezing his hands and soaking in their warmth, gasping breathlessly as he takes you. You are entirely at his mercy and you absolutely love it.

One of his hands moves down to grip your thigh and push it open, unlocking you from where you have been clenched around his hips. Both of your wrists now held in one hand and still pinned against the sheets. The bed frame creaks noisily as he changes pace, abandoning his hard and fast thrusts for a slow and deep grind that has your eyes rolling to the back of your head. Something feels different about you, about the way you feel around him as the head of his cock licks at your cervix. It’s softer than usual and open for him, almost begging for his sperm, and he thinks this is the perfect time to get you pregnant. He aims to stay deep inside you. Each powerful movement is purposeful, everything down to the slight arch of his back that allows his pubic bone to grind into your clit, and you feel like you’re going crazy.

“Oh fuck, Jimin! I’m close again!” Your voice is strained in your throat and he smirks at the sound. He can feel it, the swell of your walls around him as you near your third high, and he swears it’s tighter than usual. Your muscles begin to tense up and push against him, preparing for your inevitable release. And just because you feel like pushing his buttons today, you allow your thighs to attempt to squeeze closed again.

“What did I say?!” The depth of his voice shocks you briefly and your eyes snap open to look at him. His jaw is tight as his stare bores into you with deadly intensity. “Keep your fucking legs open. Or do I have to hold them for you?” You let out a whimper, not daring to move your hands from their raised position when he drops your wrists to push open your other thigh, leaving you dripping and exposed in front of him. Your skin dimples where his fingertips dig into you— though he is careful not to bruise you— and he seems to hit even deeper like this. “You used to be so well behaved, My Queen. Are you acting out just to get a rise out of me?”

You dodge the question. “Please, Jimin, please make me cum again.” You can hardly hear anything aside from the slap of his balls against your ass and the squelch of his cock pushing through your warm walls.

“You think you deserve to cum? What will you do for it?” A dark chuckle leaves his throat when he sees you genuinely thinking of a response, biting so hard on your lip that he fears it might bleed.

“Anything.” You breathe. You’re unsure of how long you can hold back your orgasm, he feels so good fucking you like this, pushing his whole length into you without mercy.

“Anything, darling?” A lecherous grin plasters itself onto his mouth at your expression. “Hm, are you just saying that because you’re desperate? I can tell it feels good, you’re leaking all over me. Do you like it when I go deep like this?” You nod with a whine, eyelids pressed closed to hold back from cumming. “Open your eyes. Look at how deep I am inside you.” Peeling your eyes open, you peer down at yourself upon his command and see where his own eyes are glued. A small bulge presses against your lower abdomen every time he pushes in, disappearing when he pulls out only to reappear with the next thrust. Neither of you can take your eyes off of the sight, absolutely mesmerized by it.

“Please, I’m so close!” You groan loudly.

“You say you’ll do anything, my love?”

“Yes!”

“Will you be a good girl and let me put my baby in you? Let me cum right here against this fertile womb and get you pregnant with my baby?” The effect of his dirty talk is immediate and you clamp down on him, barely holding back as his hand rests over the bulge in your tummy, adding the tiniest amount of pressure to it.

“I will! Please!” Tears wet your doe eyes as you look up at him, digging your nails into the soft sheets above your head to keep from moving your arms from their position. He notes this with a hum, speeding up his hips in reward for your obedience.

“I know you will. Now cum.” On command, your body lets go of all the pent up pressure in your core, gripping onto his length with unbearable strength. Your walls pulsate with so much force that you nearly push him out, and when he finally pulls out of you, you squirt once again over the ledge of the bed. His hands on your legs do nothing to quell the wild tremors that overtake you and the streams of tears that flow over the apples of your cheeks. You are truly a sight to see, flushed red and glowing with the aftermath of yet another ferocious orgasm. Your sensitivity once again shocks him into silence. He didn’t even need to touch your clit for you to climax.

His stiff member bobs like a flagpole in the wind as he takes you in. It’s so hard that it stands straight up against his abdomen, jumping with its own pulse. When you open your eyes it is the first thing you see, and your body heats up again.

“Can you take any more, my love?” Jimin questions with concern, tracing his hands up your waist soothingly.

“Always. I can always take more of you.” Despite the screaming in your limbs, you sit up abruptly and pull him down to the bed, rolling the two of you over as you lock lips. Jimin seems surprised but not opposed to the shift in power dynamics, sensing that you want to take the reins for now. Your fingers wrap around his base and line him up with your slit, showing not even a moment’s hesitation before dropping down and knocking the wind out of both of you.

“You do not have to-“

“No, Jimin, I want to. I am supposed to be treating you after all, let me make you feel good.”

Fuck, you’re hot. Not only do you look amazing on top of him, but your pussy feels much hotter than usual. And it’s so tight, as if it’s greedy for every inch of him and eager to suck out his release. He won’t last long like this, that is for certain. His hands support you as you shift into a squat above him— and maybe it’s the novelty of the position, but he swears it’s never felt this good before.

“I imagined this so many times, but I never thought I’d actually get to see you riding me like this.” He confesses in a strained breath. You press your palms into his chest to lift yourself up, lowering yourself experimentally before repeating the action with less restraint.

“Am I living up to your expectations?” It could just be the angle, but his cock feels unbelievably deep inside you, and you half expect it to hurt yet you feel no pain. There is not even the slightest bit of discomfort as he nudges at your womb and you attribute this to the three incredible orgasms you have already reached tonight.

“God, yes.” He can’t look away from where you impale yourself on him, your shaky legs spread wide to let him see every second of the erotic display. From the way you grip him every time you lift up, to the strings of your arousal and cum that weave a sticky web between your ass and his pelvis, and even to the way your clit swallows in delight, he almost goes lightheaded as he takes it all in. His throat bobs as he gulps, back arching off the sheets under your warm hands.

“Faster?”

You don’t wait for a response before you start speeding up. He’s close, you can feel it in the way he swells against your walls and see it in the way his neck and chest color that pretty pink color you adore so much. Your limbs are aching for relief and it takes all of your remaining energy to keep up your efforts, but you wouldn’t dream of stopping. No, you are determined to bring Jimin to his end no matter what. The high pitched moans he lets out for your ears only are more than enough motivation to keep going, but you are working for a prize much more valuable that the lovely sounds he makes for you. You want his cum. You want it so badly that it is the only thing you can think of, so despite the pain in your fragile legs as you bounce yourself as hard and fast as you can, you continue for him. You’ve never been afraid to put in a little effort, and this is something you are willing to work for.

“(Y/n), I’m gonna cum!” Jimin’s dialect shines through strongly as he grits his teeth through the pleasure you bombard him with. You know it must feel different for him, the pleasure is always so much more intense when you aren’t the one doing all the work, and this is the first time you’ve pinned him down like this. It’s the first time you’ve dropped yourself down to clamp your knees on either side of him and wrap yourself around his upper body as you pant into his neck, leaving sloppy kisses and coaxing him toward his high with whispered words. Now that the roles are reversed, you can see just how wrecked he is for you— the usually composed king now lies spread in a heap of matted hair, sweaty skin, and bitten lips, completely speechless and grasping onto your thighs in a desperate bid to hold onto his sanity. “Please, I- I-“

“Cum for me, My King,” You are sure your body has just about reached its limit, but you feel no pain or fatigue when you look into your lover’s eyes and find an unraveled man. “I promised I would take your cum and let you get me pregnant. Give it all to me, my love, I want it. Cum inside me, Jimin.”

Bucking his hips, Jimin loses all control and throws his head back in anticipation as he aids your movements with his strong arms. When he feels your lips on his chin, he leans forward and allows you to swallow his groans of pleasure, both of you starved for breath but unwilling to pull away from the kiss. Everything you have done for him tonight— wearing sexy lingerie, getting on your knees to please him, squirting not once but twice— culminates into this one moment and he doesn’t think he can take take it. It’s all too much. With three sharp thrusts from both of you, he climaxes with a shout, lifting you up along with him as his hips rise off the bed.

“Oh fuck!” Maybe you shouldn’t feel this way, but you giggle giddily at the state of rapture he’s in because of you. The veins in his neck pop out of his skin as he dumps spurt after spurt of his semen into you, and you think this is the biggest load he’s ever given you. It takes a long time for him to come down from his high and for a moment you wonder if he will be okay with the way he twitches and shivers as your hips roll to a stop.

He doesn’t seem to mind your weight resting on top of him, nor does he react to the light kisses you press to his drenched skin. He does, however, wrap his arms securely around you when you shift to roll off of him, holding you on top of his body until you both have caught your breath and can open your heavy eyelids enough to look at each other with tired smiles.

“I love you.” You grin, running your digits through his disheveled mop of hair.

“I love you more, My Queen.” He pulls you down for another kiss to silence whatever rebuttal you surely have prepared at the tip of your tongue because he knows what you will say. And the thought makes his heart swell.

It seems like hours pass before both of you can work up the strength to part from each other. You have to be carried to the bathroom because your limbs feel far too weak and Jimin is not yet willing to let you go from his embrace. He is mindful of the puddle that you left on the floor as he carries you to the bath, and both of you sink into the depths together to wash away all your sins. You stay like that until your toes are pruned and the water is slightly cooler than lukewarm, the time flying by as you talk freely about everything you can think of: your hopes for your future family, your day with Jackson and Lena, gossip about Lilian and her whereabouts— she has not yet returned to the lodge even at this late hour and you hope that she is safe, but more importantly, you hope that her night with that handsome male servant ends similarly to yours. She could afford to take tonight and tomorrow off to unwind a bit, you feel a tad guilty that her needs may be neglected in the kingdom as she tends to you nonstop in the castle. Sleep finds you both easily and you cannot drop the smile from your cheeks as you cuddle up with the man you love.

This afternoon would have been perfect if not for the way you were feeling. Sparse clouds float through the sunny blue sky, the mountains surrounding you blossoming with vibrancy, but the beautiful scenery is dulled in your bleary eyesight. The lightheadedness you’d felt upon arrival two days ago has returned, along with a pounding headache that dampens your mood.

Jimin and Jackson walk ahead of their queens, talking casually as though they had been friends for years. The sight makes your heart grow warm and you use it to distract you from your discomfort as you walk along the outside pathways to a different section of the enormous castle. Lena notices the shift in your demeanor fairly quickly, commenting that you look less energized than yesterday.

“Did you not sleep well last night?” She implores, her brow creased with worry.

“I had a very restful sleep last night, but it feels like my body is dragging behind.” You try to keep yourself from rubbing at your face. Royals are not supposed to show weakness and vulnerability in public, and even though you are only surrounded by Kyungsoo and a few of Lena’s servants, you wish to uphold your appearances. “I do not feel sick, however, so I do not think it is caused by illness.”

“Would there be any other reason for you to feel fatigued? We did spend quite a considerable amount of time in the heat yesterday.”

“Well,” The guards and servants lag behind you far enough for them not to hear your conversation, but you still lower your voice in modesty. “Jimin and I were intimate late into the evening...” You figure your late night activities are also the reason for the tenderness you feel in your breasts, your tight undergarments causing slight pain as they bind your chest.

“Ah, I see!” She beams back at you, giggling. “You were not used to such strenuous exercise. I have experience with that— one time Jackson kept me in bed for so long that I nearly fainted from dehydration! Jimin seems like he would have a lot of stamina, be careful with that one.” The wiggle of her eyebrows lifts your spirits a bit. Speaking of such lewd subjects is seen as unladylike, especially for royalty, but you find yourself uncaring of that when you are with Lena. You have never had a woman of your same age and status to converse with before, no one could ever relate or felt comfortable enough to speak freely with you. This closeness you have with her is a novel feeling— and it is likely that Jimin feels the same with Jackson.

“I’ll be sure to be mindful of that.” You smile, staring at the back of his head. Your husband turns to look at you when he feels your eyes as he passively listens to the other King recall a story, sending a wink your way before returning his attention to the man beside him.

“Is there any other possible explanation for your symptoms?” Redirecting your gaze to Lena, you catch how her eyes flicker down to your stomach, a small smile on her lips. As soon as you realize her meaning, you stiffen, legs nearly bringing you to a halt.

“No,” Your eyes fall to the ground. “I... do not think it is pregnancy. Before I departed from home I was examined by my doctor and she-“ You sigh. “I am not pregnant.”

“Hmm. Well, I have been pregnant 4 times and have experienced many symptoms with each of my children. What you described to me sounds familiar. Do not dismiss the idea just yet, (Y/n).”

Before you can even open your mouth to form a reply, you are hit with a wave of dizziness that makes the world spin. Kyungsoo is by your side in an instant, stabilizing you as someone asks if you are alright. You are led to a nearby bench where all of the servants crowd around you, Jimin rushing over when he hears the commotion.

“(Y/n)?! What’s the matter?” The world spins a little less when your eyes are closed, so you do not look up at him, but you can imagine the almost sickly worry covering his lovely face. You know he has been especially traumatized by the events of your wedding and you never want to put him in a situation like that again, but you can’t help the way your body feels. Distantly, you hear Jackson order a servant to get the doctor, footsteps skittering away as he comes to squat down in front of you.

“Are you ill?” Jackson’s voice calms the anxiety you weren’t aware you were feeling. It is frightening not knowing what’s going on with your own body. Lena’s words ring in your mind.

“N-no, it is just the altitude. I just need to rest for a minute.” Your excuse is almost convincing, but no one moves— except for Jimin, who moves closer to you on the bench to support your back. After a few minutes, your head begins to clear, though your vision remains blurry. Eyes silently peer at you from all sides and you can feel them hot on your skin, embarrassment now the prominent emotion you feel. “Please do not worry about me, I am fine, really.”

“Are you certain? We can rest here for a little while longer.” Jimin suggests gently, but for some reason this irritates you.

“I said I’m fine.” You snap, earning an even more concerned look from him. Just then, the doctor approaches, slightly out of breath and sweating. “I don’t need a doctor! I’m feeling better already. Look.” You no longer feel dizzy anymore so you attempt to stand, rising quickly from the seat to come face to face with Jackson as he rises as well. Jimin still has his arm around you, both men watching you closely. “See?” But as soon as you’re stable on your feet, the spinning returns as if on cue and you come toppling forward into Jackson’s arms, everything going black.

“You don’t need to do this, Jackson, I told you I feel okay now.” You grumble as he carries you to the infirmary inside the castle. He took you into his arms without hesitation when you fell, offering to carry you because Jimin was rapidly descending into distress. While you were only out for about 2 minutes before you regained consciousness, everyone had reacted as if you were dying.

Looking at your husband now, you can see how unnerved he has become. Because he is a General who has seen many battles, he has trained himself not to react emotionally in stressful situations— but you can read the look in his eyes as clear as day as he walks alongside you, watching you more closely than what is in front of him.

“That is what you said earlier, and then you fainted immediately afterwards. Do not worry, I don’t mind carrying you. I needed a little exercise today anyway.” Always a jokester, you crack a smile at his comment, rolling your eyes as the doctor leads him into a room to rest you on the bed. The doctor works quickly, taking a blood sample from you and leaving for the lab, having already taken your vitals when you initially passed out. “We’ll be waiting outside.” With that, Jackson takes Lena’s shaky hand and exits the room, leaving you in bed and Jimin hovering over you awkwardly.

“Please sit down, you are making me nervous.” You breathe. He blinks and nods absently, perching himself on the edge of the bed next to you. “Are you okay?”

“I should be asking you that.” He laughs dryly. Jimin bites his lip when you give him a sympathetic gaze and take his hand. Your words from the argument you had nearly a month ago echo in his head. This is a chance for him to open up to you about his emotions and seek your comfort, your expression shows that you are expecting it of him, so he takes a deep breath. There’s no use hiding his emotions from you. “Truth be told, I am a wreck. You fainting brought back some rather unpleasant memories.” He confesses.

“I’m sorry.” You really are apologetic, stressing him out is the last thing you ever wanted to do.

“It is not your fault. I just worry about you so much. I cannot bear to lose you, my love, and I feel so helpless when things like this happen, it feels like I always have to wait for others to come to rescue you.”

“Would you like to become a doctor so you are more prepared, then?” He wasn’t expecting that response and snaps his head up to look at you when you laugh. “You cannot control everything that happens to me, Jimin. It is okay to let others help. All I need is for you to stay by my side, your presence is more than enough.” He nods at this, accepting the kiss you plant on his cheek and squeezing your hands.

Long seconds of silence pass as you wait for the doctor to return. Then, a sudden thought pops into your mind that makes you groan aloud.

“Lilian is going to be pissed at me.” You can’t help but chuckle at the circumstances.

“Why is that?”

“I told her to take off today and enjoy her time here, but she was worried about me so she initially refused. I assured her of my health this morning before we left. I can only imagine to look on her face once she finds out what happened.” You do feel a bit bad, Lilian knows you better than anyone and it is clear that she could tell something was off, but you convinced her that her instincts were wrong and now you find yourself in the infirmary. She will surely put herself down over this incident because of her absence when you most needed her.

“You can worry about her after we confirm that you are okay. For now, let us focus on this.” Just then, the doctor enters the room again, coming to stand at the bottom of the bed as you and Jimin look up at them with expectant eyes. Your heart pounds in your chest. You’ve become so used to hearing bad news from doctors, you are almost conditioned to be nervous and guarded around them.

“(Y/n), I have determined the cause of your sudden collapse.” Jimin squeezes your hand tighter and you can feel the sweat on his fingertips. “It appears that you are pregnant! Congratulations! The blood tests showed high levels of-“

“Pardon?” You interject with a raspy voice. Your brain is having a hard time processing the words and you blink slowly for a few seconds, unaware of Jimin’s shell shocked expression. “I- H-how can this be? My physician tested me right before I left and she said I was not pregnant.”

“Well, it is entirely possible to get false negative results, especially when it is early in the pregnancy. I don’t think it reflects poorly on your physician, these things just happen sometimes and are completely out of our control. But looking at my test results and the symptoms you have been experiencing, I am certain that you are about 6 weeks pregnant.”

“B-but I bled last month.”

“For how many days?”

“One or two...”

“Then that was likely implantation bleeding, which is to be expected. Dizziness and even fainting are also fairly common symptoms, so there is no particular need to worry about today’s incident— though I recommend that you make sure to get adequate rest and nutrition to avoid complications in the future. Once again, congratulations.”

Finally, you drag your gaze over to your husband who has been silent since the doctor appeared, and his eyes are filled to the brim with tears when they connect with yours.

“You- (Y/n), you’re finally pregnant!” He whispers, and the way his voice cracks causes the dam to break within yourself and all of your emotions come flooding out. Before you know it you’re wrapped in his embrace, both of you simultaneously sobbing and laughing into each other’s necks from pure joy and surprise as the doctor excuses themselves from the room. It is like all of the building frustration from the past several months has been crushing you slowly and now that weight has been lifted, allowing you to breathe freely for the first time. Jimin feels similarly. He has been holding back so many of his emotions since you first started trying to get pregnant and that has taken a tremendous toll on his mind and body, but for the first time, he can finally release those emotions and let himself feel the heaviness of it all. He is crying harder than you are, soaking the top of your dress as you cradle his head to you and hold him there. His hands ghost over your waist and lower abdomen so delicately, as if protecting the growing life inside of you.

When you’ve both gotten yourselves together enough to allow Jackson and Lena to visit, they rush in without hesitation.

“Is everything okay?” Lena is by your side first, immediately noticing your red and puffy eyes. You’re a little bit hesitant to tell her because you know she’ll gloat about her “sixth sense”.

“Yes, I’m alright. We just found out that I am pregnant.” The room erupts into noise, the two of them sounding like an entire circus as Jackson nearly jumps on Jimin in a bear hug and Lena squeals excitedly beside you.

“I knew it! You dismissed me so offhandedly and it turns out that I was right! I have a sixth sense for these things, you know; you should trust me more often.” Just as expected.

“And here you were, just telling me how worried you were about not yet yielding an heir to the throne,” Jackson throws a heavy arm over Jimin’s shoulder. “I suppose we should celebrate before you depart in the morning. I will throw a lovely ball tonight in your honor!”

“Oh, I must oversee the preparations then! Get some rest, (Y/n), and congratulations again!” And just like that, the couple is gone, rushing back out of the room and leaving you and your husband giggling.

“I am sorry, Lilian.” You apologize for what feels like the thousandth time. She continues to pout as she helps load your belongings into the carriage, barely sparing you a glance.

“I knew I should have stayed; I had a feeling something would happen.” She turns to scowl, not necessarily at you but it is in your direction. “I cannot believe I missed such a huge announcement as well! Both Jackson and Lena found out before me, this is so unfair.”

“You sound like a child,” You snicker, taking Kyungsoo’s hand as he helps you into the carriage behind Jimin.

“Yes, well I think I am allowed to throw a tantrum just this once.” You catch Kyungsoo crack a grin at her, the first time you’ve seen any emotion from him, and it brings a smile to your own face.

“If it makes you feel any better, Kyungsoo found out after Jackson and Lena, too.” Jimin comments, taking your hand and pulling you into his side.

“It does not make me feel better because he still found out before me!”

The sun is still low in the sky but slowly rises as you depart from the kingdom. Once you return to the castle, there are many duties that you must take care of, and many traditional processes you will have to go through now that you are pregnant— you are carrying a possible future heir to the throne after all. But you have never been happier. For now it still feels surreal, even though you have waited nearly a year for this moment, but as soon as the people of your kingdom come to greet you and celebrate the news of your conception, the reality of the situation will hit and you are sure you will be overwhelmed with new challenges. Pregnancy is not an easy thing, but at least you will have Jimin with you to help you through it all, just as he has always done. You rest your head on his shoulder with a mischievous grin.

“So Lilian, how was your date the other night? You seemed rather cozy with that young man at the ball yesterday evening.”

“It was not a date!”

#tyfys #jimin smut #ksmutclub #btscreatorscorner #clubjimin #ficswithluv #Jimin angst #jimin fluff #bts royal au #purplearmynet

374 notes · View notes

ssfghfrrggf · 3 years

Text

Down is Faster than Up Chapter 3

Kelly can’t feel much of anything other than how cold he is. It’s not a normal kind of cold, it’s a deep chilling cold that runs deep into the core of his body, like all his insides are frozen. It’s uncomfortable and unnatural, but he’s grateful for it; he’s pretty sure it’s numbed him enough so he can’t feel much of anything else, that’s the only reason he can think of that would explain why he’s not in excruciating pain anymore. He can still feel some of it, but it’s mostly just dull aching pain that he’s aware of somewhere in the back of his mind. He’s also not soaking wet anymore and whatever’s under his head is a lot softer than Casey’s turn out coat; there’s also something beeping close to his head but it’s too quiet, slow, and rhythmic to be a pass device.

“Casey?” he tries to mumble, but no sound escapes his mouth. He tries to shift the position of his hand to feel around for his friend, but something wrapped around his pointer finger stops him. He hadn’t noticed it before, but now he feels it… something small and warm gripping his finger, it feels like a tiny hand but that doesn’t make sense. He’s at the bottom of a deep bottomless pit crushed under a pile of concrete. There’s absolutely no reason for there to be a baby holding his finger. He’s too exhausted to open his eyes to figure out what it actually is, and in all honestly it doesn’t really matter to him. It’s calming whatever it is, so he lets it stay and tries not to question it, but his curiosity wins out and after a couple seconds of mustering what little energy he has left, he opens his eyes.

Everything is blurry for a second as his eyes adjust to the lack of darkness he’s woken up to, but the first thing that comes into focus is the small round face of the beautiful blue eyed baby clinging to his finger with one tiny hand. He blinks once in confusion and everything else comes into focus. The white walled room, the light, the bed he’s on, the blankets covering him, and finally Stella; she’s the one holding the baby, and there are tears in her brown eyes. He very carefully closes his hand around the baby’s hand- his baby… their baby’s hand. It’s the most movement he can muster up, but the presence of that tiny hand wrapped around his finger makes him want to be stronger and fight harder. He wants to fight for this beautiful child he’s helped create, he wants to fight so he can watch him grow up and be whatever he wants to be and have kids of his own.

“Stella…” Kelly manages to mumble, by some spell of luck he actually manages to get sound to come out of his mouth, and she stops staring into space and her deep brown gaze turns to him, relief and joy spreading across her face.

“Kelly?” she breathes, adjusting her position in the chair next to his bed. She sounds like she doesn’t actually believe he’s just spoken to her or that he’s even awake.

He blinks once in acknowledgement, unable to do much else. He wants to assure he’s okay, and say a million things about their child, and he wants to reach around them both and them close, but even the slow blink is exhausting and he can’t seem to make his body do anything he wants it to.

“You have a son,” she chokes, tears still running down her cheeks; he wishes he could reach up and wipe them away for her… she looks pale, like the day has brought her her own set of pain and injuries. “ We have a son.”

She adjusts the baby in her arms so she’s holding him closer to him, and then plants a soft kiss on Kelly’s forehead.

“He looks so much like you,” she says quietly leaning her head against Kelly’s.

Everything is starting to hurt again, whatever numbness from the cold and probably the cocktail of painkillers he’s on is starting to rub off, but he can’t stop himself from smiling.

“He’s got your nose…” Severide mumbles as his eyes drift closed. He wants to stay awake and soak of the presence of Stella and their baby, but fighting back the darkness folding over him is like trying to fight off a tidal wave. It’s an unstoppable force and he doesn’t have the strength left to fight it back. The best he can hope for is to be able to muscle his way back to the surface after the wave passes, but he’s not so sure he’ll be able to.

***

“Would you guys quit worrying about me?” Matt requests for the upteenth time in an hour. He’s absolutely desperate to get out of his hospital bed that much is easy for Sylvie to tell, but he’s been strictly ordered to stay a 24 hour observation period to keep an eye on his head injury. The doctors all wanted to make sure nothing bad showed up late even though his CT looked fine.

“Is it really so bad laying down to get some relaxation for a change?’ Sylvie asks, intertwining her fingers with his.

“Yes. they could at least let me go see Severide,” Matt says bitterly and glares at the door.

“Severide is in good hands and Stella’s with him,” Sylvie promises. She knows the only reason they let Stella in with him is because she’s his wife and whatever time he has left they want to make sure she’s there for it.

“But he’s not okay,” Matt says knowingly and the glare he had on his face slips away to much more heartbroken and defeated expression. “Is he?”

“I don’t know Matt,” Sylvie replies with a sigh and leans her head against his shoulder. It’s just the two of them in the room, everyone has gone back to the station with promises to return soon, and none of them have heard anything about Severide’s condition since she and Will talked in the hallway.

“They would be letting us in to see him if he was okay,” Matt points out. He’s had all his focus on fighting to get out of the room for so long that all these things are probably just now starting to sink in.

“There could be a lot of reasons they won’t let you go see him, like how you’re supposed to be taking it easy for starters,” Sylvie says trying to comfort the captain and ease his worries, but she’s doing a bad job at it because she shares his concerns. Her reasurances are just as much for him as they are for her, but she doesn’t believe them so she knows he won’t either.

“Sylvie, can you please just be honest with me?” Casey pleads tightening his grip around her hand, and looking up at her with exhausted blue eyes. She’s really not sure how he’s still plucking along; today has been longer than most people can stand, it was only a couple hours ago that he was stuck at the bottom of a flooding and collapsed parking garage with his best friend dying in his arms. Most people would’ve broken down by now, but not Matt; he’s still keeping it together somehow. “Is he going to die?”

“I don’t know,” She admits. “I’m not a doctor and I don’t have all the details, and even if I did… you should rest, you know that? You’re exhausted and staying awake worrying about Severide isn’t going to do anything.”

Matt closes his eyes with a heavy sigh. “I can’t lose him too, Sylvie.”

There’s not much of anything left she can tell him or promise him that will make him feel better. Will had said it’d probably take nothing short of a miracle to get Kelly though the night. She’s never put much stake in miracles, but it seems like one that he’s made it this far. So maybe, maybe he’ll pull through. If she knows one thing about Severide it’s that he’s a man of many surprises, but these are all really just distant hopes- wishes really.

“I know,” she soothes and ruffles Matt’s hair. She’s not sure if the house will survive a loss that massive, they barely made it through the aftermath of Otis’s death in one piece; losing anyone else will have catastrophic results, and she’s pretty sure at least a couple people would transfer out for good this time.

***

“I’m sorry to do this, but it’s getting late and you’ll have to go back to your room soon,” Dr Manning says apologetically as she finishes going over Kelly’s charts, and hangs the clipboard back on the end of the bed.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Stella says without looking up at the woman. Kelly’s been in and out of consciousness for the past hour and a half, and she’s not going to let him wake up alone, not once; he needs to know her and their son are right there waiting for him, and will continue to be there.

“Stella, I know you want to be here with him, but you just went through major surgery. You need rest,” Dr. Manning argues, but it’s more of a soft pleading.

“I need to be right here with him,” Stella replies pursing her lips and running one hand through his hair. It’s tempting to obey Dr. Manning, she’s tired and whatever painkillers they had her on have worn off since she’s been off her IV so she can be with Kelly leaving behind a dull throbbing pain in her abdomen where they cut her open, but she knows she won’t be able to sleep even if she goes back to her own hospital bed. So she can sit here awake with Kelly or she can go back to bed and lay awake; staying with Kelly is the obvious choice. “I’ll be fine. I’m used to long nights.”

“Fine,” Natalie sighs. “I’ll make sure one of the night shift nurses comes in to check on you in a little while.”

“You’re going home?” Stella asks with only minor interest.

“Yeah, I’ll be back first thing in the morning though,” she replies and gives Stella a comforting pat on the back. “Hang in there.”

Stella waits until Dr. Manning leaves the room to adjust her position in the chair so she’s a little more comfortable, and adjusts her hospital gown so the baby can nurse. He makes a small sound of protest as she gently pulls him away from Kelly’s finger that he’s been intently holding almost the entire time they’ve been in the room, but thankfully he doesn’t cry.

“Psst, Stella…”

Stella jumps a little, startled by the whisper coming from the door behind her. She hadn’t realized she was nodding off until now; she’d kind of just zoned out and lost track of everything. She turns her head enough to see that it’s Casey and pulls her hospital gown back up; the baby’s done nursing and is sound asleep.

“What are you doing up?” Stella asks, biting back a yawn.

“Brett finally asleep…” he starts, craning his neck trying to get a look at Severide from the doorway. “And there weren’t any doctors around so I thought…”

“Come on in, Captain,” Stella says, knowing exactly what the truck captain wants.

“Nobody would tell me how he was doing,” Casey ventures as he shuffles into the room. He looks as tired as Stella feels and the way he’s squinting screams head injury.

“It’s rough, but he’s hanging in there,” Stella says, turning her gaze to Kelly. “He’s doing better than they give him credit for.”

Casey nods and glances down at the sleeping baby in Stella’s arms and does a double take.

“Is that…” He trails off and glances at Stella for a second before returning his gaze to the baby; he gets down on one knee next to her and the baby to get a better look. “He’s beautiful Stella…”

“You can hold him if you want,” she offers.

“Really?” Matt asks, looking taken aback by the offer.

“Of course! He needs to get to know his godfather,” Stella says, offering her son to Casey.

“His- Stella are you sure?” Casey chokes, taking the baby in his arms and holding him close.

“If you want to be,” she replies. It had been an almost unspoken decision she and Kelly had made almost as soon as she found she was pregnant. Casey would be the godfather and Sylvie would be the godmother, and hopefully the two of them would eventually tie the knot. “Kelly and I talked about it a while ago.”

“Okay- I mean yes… yes I’ll be the godfather,” Casey breathes without looking up from the tiny bundle in his arms. “Hey little guy…” he stops and looks up at Stella. “What’s his name?”

The question hits harder than Stella could’ve ever imagined it would, and she ducks her head unable to answer. She and Kelly had discussed baby names, and fought about names, and even made jokes about all the crazy joke names they threw at each other, but they’d never actually decided anything. And she hasn’t even let herself really think about it since all of this started; naming the baby without him just never really crossed her mind, not even with him only hanging on by a thread. It’s not something she’s prepared to do.

“You’re waiting for Severide,” Casey says understandingly, looking back down at his godchild.

“Yeah,” Stella replies hesitantly. “I know it doesn’t really make a whole lot of sense, but I can’t do it without him.”

“No, it makes perfect sense. I wouldn’t name a baby without Sylvie-” Matt breaks off clearing his throat loudly and his cheeks turn red. “I mean, if we ever had kids… and i- you know what I meant…”

Stella chuckles and shakes her head. For a big tough fire captain, Casey get flustered really easily and she’s always found it very amusing. “You two would make great parents.”

“You two are pregnant?” the dazed mumble from Kelly takes them both by surprise and interrupts Matt before he can get himself entangled any further in his own awkwardness.

“Hey, Kelly,” Stella says leaning forward and taking his hand in hers; he looks the most awake and attentive he has in a long time, but still seems to be dazed and very out of it. “And sadly no, Brett and Casey aren’t pregnant.”

“That’s too bad,” he mumbles and glances up at Casey. “You look like hell.”

Casey smiles and rests his hand on Kelly’s knee. “You should see yourself.”

“From the expression on your ugly mug, i don’t think I want to,” Kelly jokes weakly. His words are still slurred together and he only seems to be half awake, but it’s relieving him even this alert and attentive.

“How are you feeling, man?” Casey asks, taking on a more serious tone.

“Like I got hit by a bus but am being pumped full so many painkillers I can’t feel it,” he mumbles and closes his eyes again.

“The doctors all seemed pretty worried about you,” Casey adds.

“Eh, when aren’t they…” Kelly breathes.

Stella can tell he’s getting ready to slip back to sleep; he’s getting quieter and his grip on her hand is getting weaker.

“Severide-”

“Glad you’re okay… Casey… house needs you…” Kelly rasps, barely making a sound as his lips form the words.

“Severide? Man, stay awake,” Casey pleads, and looks to Stella with a panicked gaze.

“He’s okay, Casey,” Stella promises, sliding one hand under Kelly’s neck, and glancing at the monitors that haven’t changed. “He’s just been in and out.”

“Are you sure?” Casey says pensively, rocking the baby in his arms nervously.

“Yes, I’m sure. It’s hard for him to stay awake longer than a couple minutes because of all the medication he’s on,” She explains. She herself had panicked the first time he passed out after a couple minutes of consciousness; she’d been convinced he was about to slip away and die, then Natalie had explained everything to her and promised her wasn’t dying at that very moment.

***

“If you want to get some rest, I can sit awake with him and hold onto the baby,” Matt offers after a long time of both him and Stella sitting in silence. She looks exhausted, more exhausted than he feels, and he’s pretty sure he’d woken her up when he came in the room. She’s had an impossibly long day between the complications with the baby and everything with Severide; he knows how tough Stella is, but he’s still surprised that she’s holding on this well considering her surgery and all the bloodloss.

“I’ll be fine,” she replies, keeping her soft loving gaze on Severide.

“I know you will, but you don’t have to play tough guy here Kidd. You can close your eyes and catch some Zs, and i’ll wake you up if he starts to come too, okay?” Matt promises.

“Matt?” Severide mumbles, getting Matt’s attention and stopping his pacing.

“What's up man?” Casey asking coming back to stand close to the bed. Kelly’s face is scrunched up with pain, but he looks clear headed, the delirious doped up look from earlier is gone.

“Is she awake?” Kelly whispers nodding his head slightly in Stella’s direction.

“No, you want me to wake her up-”

“No!” Severide blurts a little too enthusiastically. “I mean, no. I just want to talk to you…”

“Severide, what’s going on?” Matt asks cautiously and sits down in one of the empty chairs next to the bed. He knows the look in his best friend’s eyes, the hesitation that says all too clearly something’s wrong.

“You’ll take care of them, right?” Kelly asks quietly. Somehow the clarity in his voice is more concerning than his slurred speech from earlier.

“Severide…” Casey begins, but can’t bring himself to finish. This all so wrong. If he promises Kelly he will do it, which he will in a heartbeat, then that only tells him Matt agrees with the doctors’ prognosis. If doesn’t promise him, then that leaves Kelly unassured.

“I mean this is bad, right?” Kelly adds, holding Matt’s gaze for a couple seconds before closing his eyes with a sigh. “I spent my whole life telling myself I wouldn’t become Benny.”

“You’re not, Severide,” Casey says reassuringly. “You’re not.”

“But isn’t this worse?” Kelly asks, opening his eyes again, this time there are tears in them. “I’m still leaving her and my son, Matt… but it’s worse cause I’m not coming back…”

“Kelly, listen to me,” Matt says, stopping him. He’s been around for a lot of Severide’s heartbreak, but he’s never seen him look this miserable before in his life. “What I promised you down in that hole- I meant it. Okay? I’ll take care of them, I promise. But you’ve gotta promise you’ll keep fighting, okay? You’ve come way too far to die now, if you were gonna die it would’ve been in that hole.”

“I’m tired, Matt…”

“You’re not Benny,” Matt says desperately, he can see Severide’s slipping, and not in the way that he had earlier. It’s deeper. “He chose to leave you and your mom when you were little. Leaving was all him, all his choices, but you’re fighting Kelly. You’re trying. This isn’t your fault. You’re not Benny.”

Then Matt does the only thing he can really think to do, and pushes Severide’s son into his arms. Kelly freezes and looks at Matt in surprise before slowly turning his gaze to the baby.

“That’s what you’re fighting for Severide,” Matt says firmly. “I wanna be a dad someday, Kelly. But I don’t want to have to be a dad to your kid. Don’t make me do it, buddy.”

Severide looks up at him with a lost expression but doesn’t say anything and Matt can tell his strength is fading fast.

“Listen, man,” Matt says and squeezes Severide’s shoulder. “You don’t have to stay awake. Me and Stella aren’t going anywhere. You just gotta stay alive, alright? And if that means sleeping for a few days, that’s okay.”

Severide closes his eyes and tucks one hand protectively over the sleeping baby resting on his chest; a slight smile creeps across his scraped up face. “I’m not going anywhere, Matt.”

***

“How’s everyone here doing?” Boden asks, stopping Sylvie on her way back from a coffee for her and Matt.

“They signed Casey’s release paperwork an hour ago, but he’s not going anywhere until Severide is out of the woods,” She replies and sips her much needed coffee. She spent her night in an uncomfortable hospital chair next to what turned out to be Casey’s empty bed, because apparently halfway through the night he got up and snuck off to be with Stella and Severide.

“So Severide is still not doing well?” Boden asks somberly, studying Sylvie.

“He’s still in critical condition, but he’s doing well enough that they took him back into surgery an hour ago-”

“Were there complications?” Boden blurts, interrupting her with an alarmed voice.

“No, there were just a couple things they couldn’t do yesterday because he was so unstable that they’re doing now because he’s improved enough that it’s safe now,” Sylvie explains. She’d been surprised they were doing it this soon and with Severide still in such fragile condition.

“And how’s Stella?”

“This is really hard for her. She spent last night with Severide against doctor’s orders, but they convinced her to go back to bed this morning and gave her some sedatives to help her sleep,” Brett reports. This whole thing has been awful for poor Stella, and she knows her friend is still facing the very possibility that she may have to raise her baby alone, without Kelly. “She’s terrified. She’s scared about losing Kelly, and I think the idea of maybe having to be a single mother is really messing with her.”

Boden sighs and slips his hands into his pockets. “That’s not going to happen. I’ve known Kelly Severide a long time, and he’s too damn stubborn to die.”

“I know, and she knows it too. She’s just scared,” Sylvie replies. “Here, follow me. I’ll take you to her room; I’m sure she’ll be happy to see you when she wakes up.”

“And how are you doing?” Boden asks after they’re a couple steps down the hallway.

“I don’t know, chief. This has been the longest day and night of my life,” She replies sheepishly, hesitant to start spilling her seemingly tiny problems. “My best friend almost died, my boy friend got trapped and almost died, and my best friend’s husband who’s also one of my close friends also almost died… and it’s just a lot to process, you know?”

“Believe me, Brett. I know,” Boden says understandingly and gives her an affirming squeeze on the shoulder.

Sylvie still hasn’t fully recovered from the shock and horror of the previous day, her chest still feels tight every time she tries to breathe, almost like she’s staving off a panic attack. And every time she thinks about what happened, or what almost happened, or even what could still happen, it gets worse, but it’s impossible not to think about. They almost lost three people yesterday, not to mention Ritter and Gallo, who while unsheathed were still in the collapse and also could have easily been killed.

“Look who decided to come in for a visit,” Brett announces quietly as she swings open the door to Stella’s room.

“Hey, chief,” Casey says and stands up as a show of respect.

“Brett told me they signed your release paperwork,” Boden comments as he and the truck captain share a brief embrace.

“Yeah, but I’m sticking around until I know Severide and Stella will be okay,” Casey explains.

“I tried to tell him to go home,” Stella mumbles and sits up a little. She looks groggy and a little bit out of it, most likely from the sedatives the doctors had given her.

“Shouldn’t you be sleeping?” Sylvie scolds and sits down on the edge of the bed next to her friend’s legs.

“The doctors are gonna have to give me something a lot stronger if they actually want me to stay asleep while Kelly’s in surgery,” Stella replies, letting her head fall back onto the pillow. No one had forced her into taking the sedatives, they’d simply been offered as means to help her sleep because she wasn’t going to get there on her own, not with how worried she is about Kelly.

“Stella, you need rest,” Sylvie says gently and places her hand on her friend’s leg.

“Not until I know Kelly’s going to be okay,” Stella replies, and Brett knows she means it. When he’s in danger any regard for her own self preservation goes out the window.

“It seems like every time I leave this room and come back there are more people,” Dr. Halstead says, announcing his presence as he comes into the room. “You’re gonna start giving me stage fright.”

“How’s Kelly?” Stella asks, sitting back up.

Will smiles. “I’m happy to report he’s doing better. He’s got a long road to recovery ahead of him, but he really made a turn for the better last night and his surgery went well. He’s in post op right now, and you can go see him soon.”

Sylvie lets out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding, and for the first time since yesterday when the parking garage came down her chest doesn’t feel so tight. Things might actually be okay.

***

"You know, he still needs a name,” Stella ventures, finally breaking the silence of Kelly’s hospital room. They’ve been sitting together in his hospital bed for what seems like hours just happily soaking up each other’s presence and wordlessly admiring their son.

“So you didn’t do everything without me,” Kelly jokes softly and rests his chin on Stella’s head.

Stella smiles and leans into him a little more, after everything the doctors had been saying the night before it’s still hard to believe they’re actually here, together, having this conversation.

“No, I didn’t do everything,” she replies quietly, and runs her fingers through Kelly’s hair. “Just all the hard stuff... This is something that needs to be done together.”

“How do you feel about Andrew?” Kelly asks after a couple seconds of quiet thought.

“After Darden?” Stella asks. She never had the pleasure of meeting Kelly’s childhood best friend, but she’s heard stories and seen his picture on the wall of 51.

“Yeah,” he replies without taking his eyes off their son.

“Casey doesn’t have dibs?” Stella jokes. Andy isn’t talked about a lot, and he really seems to still be a sore spot for the two of them.

“Do you see Casey with a baby?” Kelly asks, sounding amused. “No, Casey doesn’t have dibs on the name.”

“I love it,” Stella says lifting her head off Kelly’s shoulder to kiss him on the cheek before settling back down and letting her gaze fall on the baby cradled between them. “... little Andy.”

A week and a half later….

“Hey, guys let’s go take a ride,” Casey announces, coming into the common room. It’s been a quiet shift, not that he’d ever say it out loud for the emergency gods to hear, and he just got a call from Stella saying the doctors are finally signing Severide’s release papers and he’s going home. He’s not in any condition to be walking yet and he has a long hard road to recovery ahead of him, but being allowed to go home is a positive step in the right direction.

“Where we going?” Gallo asks, swinging his legs off the couch, and sitting upright.

“Severide’s getting released, so we’re going to show our support. Cruz, you guys should come along to,” Casey says. Cruz has been acting Squad lieutenant since the building collapse.

“Absolutely!” Cruz says, already throwing his magazine down on the table and standing up.

“We’re all going,” Herrmann adds, waving for Ritter to get up to, but he hesitates.

“Are you sure he’ll want to see us there?” Ritter asks, glancing around nervously. The young engine recruit always seems to be thinking about things on a much deeper level than the rest of them, and now that the question’s been posed he might have a point.

“Of course he does! Why wouldn’t he?” Herrmann replies, looking at his candidate with confusion, but Matt gets where the kid is coming from.

“I just mean, he got hurt really bad and the doctors said there’s a chance he might not walk again… let alone get cleared for anything other than desk duty. And that’s a lot to face especially for a guy like Severide, and us all showing up in the trucks… I don’t know it seems a little like teasing him or rubbing it in his face,” Ritter says, glancing around at everyone.

“Nonsense,” Herrmann declares. “He’ll be overjoyed to see us. We’re his family! And he’s Severide, he’ll be back on the job lickety split.”

The engine lieutenant throws his arm over Ritter’s shoulders and begins walking him toward the bay. “Anyone ever tell you about the time he broke his neck, and kept working for like months before anyone even figured out it was fractured?”

“That happened?” Ritter asks, sounding baffled.

“Would’ve never guessed it, right?”

Matt frowns and pulls on his jacket as he follows the crews out into the bay. He hadn’t really thought about that take before now, but now that Ritter’s said it… He very well may just be right about it. Matt has dropped in to check on Severide a few times during shift over the past week, and while he always seemed happy enough to see him, he did seem a little standoffish. A little bit like he was trying to be happy to see Matt. Stella had seemed to think having a 51 greeting at the doors when he came out would be a good idea, but Casey’s not so sure now.

“Captain, do you think Ritter was right?” Gallo asks a couple minutes down the road, breaking the silence of the truck ride.

Casey sighs and turns his head to look out the window. “We’re Severide’s family, it’s been that way for a long time. He’ll be happy we’re there.”

Matt decides to believe it, for a lot of them 51 is the most family they’ve ever had, for Severide especially. They are his family, not showing up isn’t an option; the only thing that would do for him is make him think that they’ve given up on him. This way, even if he is a little bitter about seeing them, he’ll still know they have his back, and always will. 51 always shows up for its own, and that’s not changing; Kelly will always be one of them even if he can’t ever return to Squad, and it’s their job to make sure he knows that.

“Don’t stress about it kiddo,” Mouch adds. “Ritter’s just worried.”

***

Casey can see Severide do a double take as Stella wheels him outside through the double doors of the hospital then he chuckles to himself and shakes his head. He doesn’t seem at all upset by their presence, and not really surprised either.

“Hey man,” Matt says, taking a few steps toward Kelly. It’s weird not seeing him leaving on his feet, and it’s even weirder how fragile and vulnerable he seems. “We’re here to help you bust out of this joint.”

“You guys didn’t have to do all this,” Severide says, ducking his head almost like he’s embarrassed.

“What are you talking about lieutenant, of course we did,” Cruz says, giving him a pat on the shoulder as he joins Matt next to Severide. “We wouldn’t have missed being here for you, for the world.”

Severide shakes his head a little and looks up at them with a nervous grin. “You guys really didn’t have to. I’m just going home…”

“Yeah, understatement of the year. You’re going home after a close brush with death. You’re crazy if you thought we wouldn’t be here for you,” Casey replies. “We’re all here and we’re all rooting for you. You’ll be good as new and back on the job in no time.”

“Yeah…” Severide mutters, not seeming convinced of anything, and avoids eye contact with Matt. He scratches the back of his head awkwardly. “Look guys, thanks for coming but I’m kind of ready to be home, so uhh…”

“Yeah of course,” Matt says and casts his glance to Stella who’s looking at Kelly with a mix of concern and confusion before she catches Matt looking at her and gives him a little apologetic shrug.

“Then let’s get you home, Kelly,” Stella says and squeezes his shoulder, before wheeling him off toward the parking lot. She throws a grateful smile in their direction as they go.

“Well, worse things have happened,” Mouch says as soon as they're out of earshot.

“Really?” Casey says turning around to face Mouch. It had really gone much better than he expected, and really it hadn’t actually gone that badly, Severide is just not ready to see them all yet.

Mouch shrugs innocently.

“I’m going to go check on him after shift,” Casey says decidedly before giving the signal for them to pile back onto the trucks and head for 51.

***

“Hey Kelly, Matt’s here,” Stella calls to Kelly, but he barely even registers it; he hadn’t even realized someone was knocking at the door. It’s been almost two weeks since the building collapse and everything still seems to be passing by in a dream like haze. There are sometimes he’s not entirely convinced he ever made it out and that this isn’t all just a dream. The only thing that feels solid and real is the baby, he’s like the anchor point keeping Kelly tethered to reality.

“Tell him to come on in,” Kelly replies without thinking about the response. He’s not really up for a visit from anyone from 51 and he doesn’t want Casey’s pity. He’s perfectly happy for it to just be him, Stella and little baby Andy.

“You want a beer?” Casey offers, setting a six pack down on the coffee table in front of Severide.

“Uh, can’t. It won’t mix with the pain meds,” Kelly says, avoiding eye contact with Casey. He can practically feel the pitying look.

“Right, should’ve thought of that. How are you doing, man?” Matt asks, his voice tinged with concern.

“I don’t know, like I got a building dropped on me a week ago,” Kelly shrugs and leans his head against the back of the couch. He wishes there were a way to politely tell Casey to go away.

“Sorry if we overstepped yesterday,” Casey ventures after a couple seconds of awkward silence. “It was my idea-”

“Nah man,” Severide interrupts him, and finally finds it in himself to look Matt in the eyes. “I appreciated it, sorry if it seemed like I didn’t. It was just a lot, you know?”

“Yeah,” Matt agrees with a grim smile. “We just wanted you to know we’ve got your back and that no injury is going to change that. You’re family, man, and we’re all rooting for you to come back.”

Kelly ducks his head; going back to squad has only briefly crossed his mind in passing, but it’s not something he’s given any serious thought to. It used to be his life and the only thing that mattered him. But that was before he held his son in his arms, and now that tiny child is it. As long as he has him and Stella, he doesn’t need squad.

“You’re thinking about retirement,” Casey breathes and struggles to keep his shock off his face.

“I don’t know, Matt,” Kelly replies honestly. “Almost dying and then holding my newborn kid in my arms… it puts things into perspective. I almost missed that, Matt; and don’t want to miss anything, not a single ball game or practice.”

Casey studies him, eyebrows furrowed. “Coming back isn’t going to make you Benny, Severide.”

“This isn’t about Benny, Matt,” Severide snaps. “This is about me and my son and me wanting to be there for him, because it’s what I want, and it’s what he needs.”

“I’m just saying, don’t quit or give up on anything until you’re sure-”

“You think this is me giving up because I got a little banged up on that call? Really?”

“No,” Matt says, trying to dig himself out of the hole he’s rapidly digging himself deeper into. “I just want you to be sure, and I’ll support you no matter what you decide. So will everyone else at 51. Neither of us are as young as we once were, and this has been a reality check for sure.”

“Sorry I jumped down your throat,” Kelly mumbles. Part of him had been geared up to fight Matt on this and even expected to have to; he really wasn’t expecting this side of things.

“It’s okay, Kelly. And if you want to quit and live your life with your family, that’s more than okay. You deserve some rest and peace,” Matt says looking him in the eye. “And you took a big hit.”

“Thanks, Casey. And uh… this conversation stays between us, okay?” Kelly says; Matt seems to get it, but he’s not entirely sure everyone else will and he doesn’t need the entirety of 51 coming to his house one by one to try to talk him into coming back. He wants to make his own choice without everyone else's opinions getting thrown into the mix- the already very confusing mix.

“Of course,” Casey says without hesitation.

“I’m serious Matt. I know how things go in the firehouse, but this needs to stay between us.”

“I know. It will. I won’t tell anyone,” Casey promises. “You seem like you still have a lot of thinking to do about this, and I know how it can be having everyone at the house offering their opinions.”

“Thanks, Casey,” Kelly says, but seriously doubts this is going to stay under wraps for long. Casey will probably tell Brett just because he confides in her about everything, she’ll tell Mackie because with hours of nothing to do on ambo it’s bound to come up. Mackie will tell Gallo who will tell Ritter who will then tell Herrmann, and then Herrmann will tell everyone.

“But you have talked to Stella about this, right?” Matt asks, lowering his voice.

“Yes, we’ve talked about it. She likes the idea of not having to hire a babysitter,” Kelly replies. Her babysitter jab had been a joke and her attempt at making light of things. Then she’d told him the choice was his and that she’d support him no matter what he decided.

“So she’s coming back?” Casey asks slowly.

Kelly snorts; it doesn’t even seem like a question that needs asking… but then again him wanting to try to come back probably didn’t seem like it needed to be asked either. “Yeah, as soon as they clear her for duty she said she wants to go back. So you don’t have to worry about finding a new recruit.”

“And how do you feel about that?” Casey asks.

“Like I’m going to be Andy’s favorite parent,” Kelly jokes. In truth he’ll worry, like he always does, but Stella’s a great firefighter and she loves her job, he’d never ask her to give that up… he’d never even want to ask her to give it up. He’s glad one of them is decided about their future with the CFD.

#chicago fire #kelly severide #matt casey #stella kidd #sylvie brett #stellaride fic #fic #one chicago fic #chicago fire fic #hurt/comfort #sorry this chapter is a good bit shorter than the previous ones #i hope y'all enjoy!#there should be at least one more chapter after this

18 notes · View notes

ayatosmlktea · 4 years

Text

𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮

Hiraeth (n) A Welsh word used to describe the feeling of homesickness for a home you cannot return to.

Warnings: Angst, lots of it

A/N: This is my first long fic...honestly I’m proud of it. I never thought I'd ever reach the 5k word threshold but here we are!

@thesilencebeforeastorm wrote a second part here, it’s very sweet!

“God it’s like you never listen to me!” Y/N’s complaint grated against Levi’s ears like cutlery scraping across glass plates, her arms crossed over her chest as she leaned against the passenger side door.

“I always listen! It’s you who never wants to hear what I have to say! You know I’m right”! Levi countered through gritted teeth, his grip tightening on the steering wheel as they sped along the dimly light road.

“Are you being serious right now?” Y/N narrowed her eyes at her boyfriend feeling her heart begin to beat harder in her chest. She hated fighting with him, but his arrogant attitude was becoming intolerable.

“Yes! How many times have we had this fucking conversation already?” Levi groaned, his head was throbbing. All he wanted was one night of peace, one night where they could connect without being interrupted. But as usual something just had to go wrong. It seemed that lately all they knew how to do was fight. They weren’t even significant arguments, the smallest inconvenience could send them into a fit, more often than not Levi found himself going to bed long after Y/N had. Not even wanting to sleep in the same bed some nights. He knew from the beginning of her pregnancy that she was going to be emotional, but God there was only so much he could take.

“We wouldn’t need to be having this conversation if you would just fucking chill out for once!” Y/N snapped back the air inside the car suddenly feeling uncomfortably hot, her palms were sweaty and her nails were digging into her skin to prevent angry tears from falling.

“I need to chill out? Okay, fine. When we get home I’ll grab my shit and go chill out.” Levi’s jaw was beginning to cramp from how hard he was clenching it, his foot unconsciously pressing down harder on the gas pedal. The pent up frustrations over the past few weeks were finally coming out all at once.

“Fine! I don’t want to be around you anyway!” Y/N yelled, ignoring the tiny kick against her stomach.

“Great! Then maybe we shouldn’t be together! Since I’m so fucking uptight maybe you should be with someone who doesn’t give a shit!” Despite the harsh words they were throwing at each other, Y/N flinched at this. Things had been bad, but that didn’t mean she didn’t love him. She knew she was being unreasonable but sometimes Levi knew how to push her buttons to the point where she didn’t care how snappy she was.

Levi probably should have stopped venting, the words coming out of his mouth did not at all reflect his feelings. His temper was out of control and his pride was only fueled by her lack of comebacks.

“What the hell is wrong with you! I never said I wanted to be with anyone else! You’re being really irrational right now Levi” Both of them were so caught up in tearing each other apart that the bright white headlights rapidly approaching went unnoticed as they continued to rip into each other.

“Oh I’m being irrational? That’s rich coming from you, miss I need ice cream and pickles right now or else I’m going to cry for the next three hours.” Levi mocked, swerving lights inching closer and closer.

“Well if it bothers you so much then I won’t ask you for anything anymore! If we’re so fucking inconvenient to you then don’t bother! Take your shit and go!”

“Sometimes I wish I’d never met you!” The blaring horn pierced their ears, eyes widening in horrific realization that there was no time to react. The sound of glass shattering and tires screeching drowning out panicked screams.

“Hey babe!” Levi called out as he removed his shoes, the house was oddly quiet. Most of the lights were turned off, usually by the time he got home Y/N was cooking dinner with the tv on in the background. She never liked being home alone without having background noise to keep her company. Levi flicked the living room light on, nothing seemed to be out of place, an occurrence that was rare. Y/N would typically lounge out in front of the tv with a snack or two before he got home. Walking down the hallway to their bedroom he was surprised to find her in bed, not one to take naps regularly Levi began to worry that she was sick. Sitting down on the edge of the bed his fingers gently caress her cheeks, pulling back once they were met with something wet. Y/N was...crying? But why?

“Baby what’s wrong?” He asked in a soothing whisper, brushing strands of damp hair away from her face. Levi was on edge, he couldn’t even begin to imagine what was making her upset, their relationship had been going so well.

“I’m sorry” she cried, bringing her hands up to her face turning her body farther away from him.

“What do you mean you’re sorry? What happened?” Levi’s palms were becoming clammy with panic, he tried keeping his voice steady knowing that it was only going to make her freakout even more.

“It’s my fault!”

“What’s your fault? Tell me what’s going on?” Levi pulls against her shoulders rolling her onto her back. Bile creeps up his throat as he stares at her bloody face, shards of glass jutting out from her skin, tears stream down her cheeks mingling with the crimson liquid. Levi wants to say something but his tongue feels like lead.

“Wake up! You’re dying!” Y/N’s body is suddenly towering over him, drops of blood falling onto his face.

“You have to wake up!”

Gasping in short breaths of air Levi’s eyes hazily open, white lights too bright for him to stare into make his head throb. He was moving, but where.

“He’s conscious!” Someone shouts too loud for Levi’s liking. Masked faces hover above him, they’re moving too. Levi’s throat feels like sandpaper as he groans, Levi tried to turn his head to the side but found himself unable to.

“Don’t try to move sir” One of the masked figures said reassuringly, but Levi felt anything but reassured.

“Y/N...where is she” he rasped out, every breath felt like his lungs were being set on fire.

“She’s right behind you, you’re going to be okay” They replied, Levi tried his best to look for her but his body wouldn’t cooperate. Blinking slowly the lights grew faint, he barely registered a mask being placed over his mouth. Words exchanged between the nurses mingling together to become one incoherent string of nonsense as his vision becomes engulfed in a blackened silence.

“Are you excited?” Y/N asked with her head resting in Levi’s lap. Neither of them were really all that invested in the movie they were watching.

“Excited for what?” He inquired, raising an eyebrow at her. Her unamused expression had Levi fighting the urge to smirk.

“Are you serious? You’re going to be a dad soon!”

“Am I?” Levi asked again, a more prominent look of confusion on his face now. Y/N rolled her eyes while slapping his chest half heartedly.

“You’re so annoying sometimes” she sighed, turning her attention back to the movie.

“I am” Levi admitted after a few minutes.

“You are what? Annoying? I know”

“I’m excited...to have a family with you. Our little brat is lucky to have your for a mom” Y/N huffed in amusement.

“Stop calling our baby a brat”

“She is a little brat, always giving your mom a hard time huh?” Levi scolded affectionately.

“Don’t you think it’s time to wake up?” Y/N’s suddenly serious expression and tone was off putting, the blank far off look in her eyes made him feel like prey backed into a corner. It was nauseating.

“What?”

“It’s time to wake up, Levi. She needs you”

A soft beeping greets Levi as his brain tries to grab onto consciousness. For a moment he can’t remember where he is or why he’s lying in a bed that is definitely not his own with sheets that don’t feel right on his skin. Something was obviously wrong, but he couldn’t remember anything. Glancing around the room he could tell he was in a hospital bed, his side ached every time he tried to reposition himself. Where was Y/N? Why was he here?

Sometimes I wish I’d never met you!

Levi felt his stomach drop, an uncomfortable lump forming in his throat as he remembered the last thing he’d said to Y/N. The events of the previous night came back in flashes, the smell of burnt rubber, Y/N’s scream echoed around in his mind. Levi pulled himself up ignoring the sharp jabs of pain coming from every part of his body. He had to find her, he needed to know she was okay, that their baby was okay.

Pulling the IV out of his arm, he attempted to swing his legs over the side of the bed. His left leg was stitched up from just his knee to the top of his thigh and God did it fucking hurt trying to move. Setting his foot down on the cold tiles he hissed, nearly collapsing onto the ground as he tried to distribute his weight to take enough pressure off of his injured leg. It was a bitch to try and walk around but he had made it to the door of his room, albeit sweating heavily and panting. His body was too hot, everything was too bright and too loud.

“Sir what are you doing? You shouldn’t get out of bed” A gentle looking nurse says calmly while trying to direct him back into his room.

“Where is she? Is she okay?” Levi demands and he can see a brief look of pity flash across her face but it’s gone in seconds.

“You can see her when you’re properly healed from your surgery! You’re in no condition to be walking!” She says in a more authoritative voice, yet still fairly calm. Levi attempts to shove past her but stumbles when his ankle gives out, hissing in pain and annoyance. With quick reflexes she manages to catch him easily, calling for another nurse to help her transport him back to bed. Levi was relentless in struggling against them, soon two nurses became three and Levi realized with disdain that he was getting nowhere.

“Please...I need to know she’s okay” the throbbing in his side was getting worse and his entire leg felt like it was on fire.

“His stitches ripped,” one of the nurses stated while they maneuvered him back to the bed. His eyes pleading with the first nurse he’d ran into.

“We aren’t allowed to disclose information on her condition to anyone who isn’t family but I can tell you that Miss L/N is resting and her condition is stable” Levi felt momentary relief but he wouldn’t get his hopes up until he could see her with his own eyes.

Grunting when they placed him back in bed the pain that had briefly subsided in his panicked episode was coming back all at once. He needed to apologize for saying something so horrible to her. He obviously didn’t mean it, he had been so lost in his own pettiness that he had said something for the sole purpose of hurting her feelings. It was stupid, childish. The moment he saw her, he was going to beg for her forgiveness. From that day on he would do whatever it took to make it up to her for putting them through this mess.

Levi’s stomach churned as he thought of their baby...only seven months along, he hoped they would survive. He’d never be able to live with himself if something happened.

His thoughts kept him distracted, replaying their fight in his head over and over wishing that he had paid more attention to the road, drove slower, used his fucking head and calmed down.

“Mr.Ackerman?” Levi’s eyes shot open, his bubble instantly popped by the sudden intrusion beside him. He didn’t know how many hours had passed since the nurses had fixed his stitches or when he had fallen asleep.

“I’m Dr. Jaeger, I’m here to answer any questions you might have regarding your surgery.” Levi could give a rats ass about himself.

“Y/N. I want to see her.” That familiar look of pity flashed across the doctors face and Levi was growing sick of it. There was obviously something they weren’t telling him. Sighing softly Dr.Jaeger nodded.

“I’ll take you to see her but there are a few things you need to know first.” Levi didn’t like where this was going, a foreshadowing sense of dread settling itself in the pit of his stomach.

“We’ve checked her medical records, it seems that she has no immediate family. You’re her emergency contact.” Levi nodded, it was something they had discussed after a year of being together. Y/N didn’t have any immediate relatives and the only remaining family she did have lived across the globe. It wasn’t a hard decision to make at the time, he hadn’t been thinking of worst case scenarios when he agreed to become her emergency contact.

“Meaning that you’re going to be making this decision for her.” Dr. Jaeger continued cautiously, waiting for an outburst.

“What decision?” A nurse entered the room with a wheelchair, Levi’s lips were set in a thin line. He wanted to see her more than anything but now he wasn’t sure what he was going to be met with.

“I’ll explain when we get there” Levi didn’t like that answer but complied, figuring it was better to go along with them rather than demanding answers. He begrudgingly allowed Dr. Jaeger and the nurse to help him into the wheelchair. He hated being dependent on others but after ripping his stitches open he didn’t want to go through the trouble again. It would only delay him seeing Y/N.

The trip to her room felt impossibly long, Levi’s hands were balled into fists in his lap. When they finally stopped outside her room, Dr. Jaeger gingerly placed a hand on Levi’s shoulder. Unreadable grey eyes locked onto green ones. It almost felt like he was being prepared for what was awaiting him on the other side of the door.

Levi felt nothing but guilt as his eyes drank in Y/N’s unconscious form, there were bruises and cuts littering her face and arms. A tube was inserted down her throat meaning she was unable to breathe on her own.

“She can hear you but we aren’t sure when she’ll wake up.” The silence was heavy, Levi’s mind was reeling with possibilities he didn’t want to consider.

“You don’t know when she’ll wake up or if she’ll wake up?” An inevitable sense of hopelessness gripped him by the throat, slowly squeezing the air out of his lungs.

“There were a few...complications with her surgery. Due to the force of the impact her brain suffered swelling and hemorrhaging, internal bleeding in the brain. We’ve done all we can to try and reduce the swelling, the rest is up to her.”

Levi hated the way he sounded so...bland about it. Like this kind of thing happened everyday, and yeah, it probably did but Levi couldn’t help but feel angry as his entire world was being ripped from his hands so cruelly. Levi had learned early on that this was the way the world worked. It moved on, life didn’t stop while he struggled to pick up the pieces that had shattered.

“What about the baby?” He asked tightly, keeping his eyes focused on the blank face of his lover. His mind was clouded over with too many emotions to process at once. Everything just felt like white hot rage, burning its way through his body with no regard for what it destroyed.

“The baby is doing well, it was a miracle they survived. We’re still monitoring them closely, if anything happens we’ll have no choice but to perform an emergency c-section.” Levi’s shoulders slumped forward with relief, his baby girl was okay. He picked up Y/N’s hand locking their fingers together before pressing a small kiss to her knuckles. However, the relief he felt was short lived.

“What decision am I supposed to be making for her?” He asked, turning his head too sharply to glare at the doctor.

“In the event that miss L/N’s coma progresses to a vegetative state, it is your decision on whether to keep her on life support or let her go” Levi’s jaw clenched, she was going to wake up! She had to.

“What’s going to happen to the baby?” Forcing himself to breathe Levi was seconds away from losing his control, his eyes were burning, the lump in his throat pressing uncomfortably against his Adam’s apple. He wouldn’t cry, he needed to be strong for her.

“As long as her brain is able to carry out regular functioning the baby is in no danger. Providing there are no further complications the baby can safely be delivered via c-section.” Taking in a shuddering breath all Levi could do was nod his understanding. He didn’t want this, they were supposed to go through this together but now he was alone.

“I’ll give you some time alone with her, try talking to her. It might help.” Levi watched the peaks rise and fall on the EKG monitor, she was so close to him and yet he had never felt farther from her than in that moment. Levi placed a hand on her stomach, something he had done many times before while Y/N slept except now it felt weird. Like he shouldn’t be touching her, didn’t deserve to be touching her. Black locks covered his face as he hung his head unable to fight back the bitter tears that had been building up since he’d regained consciousness.

“What do you think we should name her?” Y/N asked her fingers absentmindedly carding through his hair while he rested his head in her lap. The more her belly grew the more often Levi found himself wanting to spend as much time talking to their baby as possible. After Y/N had told him that she could hear them, he wanted her to get used to the sound of his voice.

“I’m not sure, what’s a fitting name for my little princess?” Y/N couldn’t fight the grin that spread over her face, watching her boyfriend address their baby like they were having a conversation was one of her favourite things.

“Hm, how about London?”

“No, I’m not naming my daughter after a city” Y/N scrolled through the list of baby names she’d pulled up on her phone, their new nightly routine consisted of trying to find a name for the baby. Despite it being only five months along they were both impatient to meet their baby, Levi referred to her solely as his little princess while Y/N had taken up calling her pumpkin. They butted heads with every name, either Levi said it sounded too tacky or Y/N complained that it wasn’t unique enough.

“How about Alabama?” Levi’s head craned up to meet her eyes, a look of disbelief on his face.

“Please tell me you’re joking”

“This is impossible” she sighed defeatedly.

“Let me see” Levi reached out to grab her phone, eyes scrolling down the list until one name caught his attention.

“How about this one?” Y/N raises an eyebrow in interest, her eyes lock with Levi’s.

“Not bad shorty, not bad”

♡ ♡ ♡

The following weeks were torturous, Levi was still unable to walk on his own. After calming down Dr. Jaeger has explained that his femur had been fractured and would take a while to heal. His torso still ached but it was nothing in comparison to the pain he felt during physical therapy. During the times he wasn’t learning how to walk, something he hated with his entire being, he was in Y/N’s room. The nurses didn’t have the heart to move him, eventually they had given up trying to coax Levi back into his own room allowing them to be together. It made Levi easier to deal with and he was less grumpy when it came time to bring him to therapy. Y/N’s condition hadn’t gotten worse but it showed no signs of getting better and while Levi was grateful for it he was struggling to hold on the longer she was unconscious.

“I miss you...I hope you can hear me. I know I don’t deserve you, not after what happened. Princess is doing okay but she’s gonna need you babe, I need you! I can’t do this by myself. Please, wake up” Levi didn’t have much time to talk to her during the day, but at night he poured his heart out in ways he never had and every night it made him feel guilty.

Things he should have told her while she was in his arms, moments he took for granted that he might not ever get to experience again. With crushing realization Levi couldn’t even remember the last time he had kissed her, worse he couldn’t remember the last time he had told her he loved her. Pressing his face into the mattress he cried silently, the grip on her hand tightening as he bit back sobs.

He knew it was stupid, giving himself false hope that maybe one day she’d wake up. It had already been over a month and soon enough they would be delivering their baby. Levi was not confident in his ability to be a parent, let alone a single parent. He didn’t even want to think about it, he needed Y/N. But even if she woke up, what would happen, would she be the same person he remembered?

Levi hated being late, if it wasn’t for the fifteen minutes he’d spent trying to shovel his car out of the snow he wouldn’t be sweating his ass off just before going on a date. Not that he really wanted to be going on one in the first place but Hange and Erwin had both decided to meddle into his pathetic love life and set him up with someone they knew. Levi could care less about dating, he didn’t have time to emotionally support someone else, not while he was so invested in trying to earn his masters.

However, he was fed up with Hange giving out his number to random girls and she promised that if he went on this date she’d stop meddling. Levi would suffer through two hours of his life if it meant he didn’t have to receive anymore texts from clingy girls with shitty pick up lines. Besides his closed off personality was usually enough for them to get uncomfortable, calling off the date early. Levi waited inside his car for a few minutes, not wanting to rush in drenched with sweat.

Actually, maybe that was a good idea. The sooner he scared her off the better. Levi walked into the restaurant, the waiter glanced at him weirdly but said nothing as Levi was led to his table. The sight of his date had him doing a double take, none of the girls Hange set him up with had ever looked as beautiful as her.

“Oh, good you’re here! I was about to order without you. Levi right?” Her eyes never left the menu in front of her and Levi was a little taken back by her brash attitude. Not only did she completely disregard his presence but she was going to start eating without him. When her eyes finally met his Levi felt the wind being knocked out of him, her eyes were mesmerizing.

“Huh...well I guess you’re not bad. Although, Hange really talked you up. I will admit you’re, by far, the most decent looking guy she’s set me up with” She laughed and Levi willed himself to ignore the way he craved to hear more of it. He hated to admit it but he was used to being completely fawned over by his dates, this was...new.

As the night went on Levi found himself enjoying her presence. Y/N was entertaining, she was sarcastic and witty and not afraid of his sharp comebacks. He had completely lost track of time, he needed to see more of her. He wasn’t going to be satisfied with one date.

“You know, you’re pretty good company” Y/N smirked, and for the first time in his life Levi felt butterflies in his stomach. Levi usually drove his dates home and if he felt like it had even given a few of them a goodnight kiss. But nothing had ever made him feel the way Y/N did, her lips fit against his like they were made for him. Her hands molded perfectly with his; and as they pulled apart out of breath, his heart pounding against his ribcage, Levi knew he was in trouble.

“Levi?” Levi’s daydreaming was interrupted by Hange’s cautious voice. Hange and Erwin were staring at him like he was fragile, like if they said the wrong thing he’d break. He hated the way their gazes drifted towards his leg, the ugly stitches immediately caught everyone’s attention. It was a constant reminder of his stupidity.

Hange’s eyes were wet with tears as she enveloped Levi in a firm hug. It hurt but at the same time he almost craved it, they were his closest friends. The only ones who could understand the pain he felt. Levi had been waiting outside of the delivery room for what felt like hours. They had asked him to wait in his room but Levi wanted to be there the second their baby was delivered. He couldn’t tell if things were going well, but there was a feeling he couldn’t shake. His gut was telling him that the dread he’d been feeling since they had rushed her into an emergency c-section wasn’t paranoia.

“Have you heard anything?” Erwin asked, taking a seat next to Levi.

“Not yet” Erwin was used to Levi’s short worded responses, but this was something different. Levi’s body was tense, glancing down Erwin took in how white his knuckles were. His eyes were trained on the doors in front of them, he looked so different from the person they’d seen months ago. Hange grabbed one of his clenched fists in her hands and Levi made no attempts to shove her off of him. The sound of the door being pushed open almost made him vomit with nerves, if he could he would’ve been on his feet already.

“Mr. Ackerman, we’re ready for you.” They weren’t giving anything away but Levi felt like he already knew what was coming.

“We’ll be here” Hange said, giving his hands a reassuring squeeze.

The room was divided by a curtain, Levi felt his body go numb as he listened to Dr. Jaeger give him the news he’d been dreading.

“We’re very sorry, we did everything we could but there was too much bleeding.” He couldn’t believe it. He didn’t want to believe it. He struggled to take in shuddering breaths, nails digging crescents into the cold palm of his hands. Angry tears pricked at his tired eyes. It wasn’t fair! She was too young, their lives were only beginning. Levi thought of every dream they had ever talked about, finishing their degrees, travelling the world together, getting married.

“Would you like to hold her?” The question distracts him, for a second Levi felt himself hesitate. Did he really want this? He was by no means parental material and the thought of having to raise their daughter without Y/N was terrifying. Levi nodded, unsure of what to expect. He hadn’t expected to cry at the sight of their baby but she was without a doubt the most beautiful child he had ever seen. During the last two months Y/N’s body had fought to keep their baby alive, he didn’t care that people were watching him. He would never be able to go back and change the past, but he would take the precious gift she had given him to create a better future.

“Do you have a name picked out?” Levi’s eyes were focused on the miracle in front of him. Their baby, the last piece of Y/N he would have to remember for the rest of his life. They had agreed on a name months ago but Levi felt like it wasn’t enough to express the meaning that the tiny human in his arms had abruptly brought into his life.

“Yeah, I do”

♡ ♡ ♡

The crisp air nipped at his cheeks, tinting them with a youthful rosy pink. It was a beautiful day, the kind of fall weather Y/N loved. The sun was warm despite the chilly autumn wind, she loved sweater weather. It was only fitting that she be laid to rest on a day as beautiful as she was. Levi’s emotions were anything but cheerful, his heart was heavy. There were so many things he wanted to tell her. He could only hope that she had heard him the countless nights he had spent lying next to her apologizing for what he’d done.

Levi’s gaze lingered on the cloudless sky, hoping that wherever Y/N was, she knew how much he loved her, and would always love her. The swaddled bundle in his arms begins to stir, drawing his attention back to Lily.

‘She looks just like you’ he thought, a bittersweet smile on his lips. Her eyes opened slowly, e/c orbs trying to focus on his face. Levi’s breath caught in his throat as his eyes burned with tears once more. No matter how many times he looked at her, he was breathless. Lily looked so much like Y/N it almost physically hurt sometimes. Levi wished he could turn back time, do it all over again. If he hadn’t been so reckless then he wouldn’t have to be standing over his girlfriend’s grave holding their motherless baby. The guilt never went away, it still felt like just yesterday that Y/N had been in his arms.

Some nights his chest ached so bad he felt like he was going to die, sleep completely evading him. Other mornings he woke up searching out her body in his drowsy state. Only to remember that she was gone. The bed was too big, it was cold and empty without her. Sometimes Levi swore he could still hear the sound of her voice calling him to wake up. But every time he opened his eyes she was never there. The only reason Levi still got out of bed in the morning was because of Lily.

“It’s just you and me princess” he said softly, stroking her cheek with the back of his fingers. Levi’s life would have ended the moment Y/N’s had if it wasn’t for Lily. A flower that had bloomed in the darkest time of his life. His second chance for a life after Y/N.

231 notes · View notes

softbiker · 4 years

Text

Born to Run - Chapter 16

Warnings: cursing, angst (sorry not sorry)

Word count: 3.2k

A/N: And we’re back - buckle up, folks. Things are starting to get rough around here. I apologize in advance for this. But thank you for continuing to read and follow this series! Only a few more chapters left...but we’ll see how long that takes me lol. As always, let me know what you think!

He had seen her text about being late for dinner, shooting back that he didn’t mind, that they’d be doing some work at the club this afternoon anyway. That part was mostly true - he was already on his way to the clubhouse to tell Steve Rogers to calm the fuck down. As an afterthought, he’d tacked on the little kiss face emoji, restraining himself from typing out the three words he’d like to say instead. She responded with a thumbs up.

And then - radio silence.

Bucky tried to be cool about it, be the chill boyfriend; Y/N had a full time job, quite a demanding one, and he understood that. Hell, he was damn proud of it, of her and her brains and all her hard work. Smart, beautiful, and making her own way in the world. She may not have been the biker type, but she was certainly a badass.

And she wasn’t texting him back.

Typically, they were in touch throughout the day - she told him about her patients, and he’d sympathize, let her complain. He told her what he was up to at the club - so far as he could - or sent her stupid pictures from the internet to make her laugh. They were never too clingy, neither of them wanted to be that couple, but there were never more than a few hours without some type of correspondence. He loved that about them - how they always wanted to talk about everything and nothing.

He refreshed his messages again, thumb scrolling upwards through the string of unanswered texts from his end, a knot of worry tightening in his stomach as he noticed the little read receipts at the bottom.

What the hell did you do, Barnes?

**********

Y/N massaged her temples, holding her face in her hands. Across from her, Natasha was silent. The muted hiss of the oxygen machine and the steady pulse of the heart monitor were the only noises in the room; they weren’t loud enough to drown out the alarming scream of her thoughts.

And just this morning, just a few hours ago, she thought she loved him. A liar. A stranger.

“An FBI agent?” she repeated, less a question than an incredulous echo of the words she didn’t want to believe. They bounced around her brain until the syllables collapsed, meaningless and hollow.

“So all of you are…undercover? With the FBI?” Y/N finally looked up at Natasha, whose cold green gaze was cracked with something like pity. Nat nodded, pursing her lips.

“I’m CIA, actually,” she amended, swirling her long-cold coffee cup in her hands. “So is Barton. Little bit of a difference.”

Y/N glared sharply at her, eyes narrowing.

“Yeah, it makes a huge difference which intelligence organization you’ve all been lying to me about.” She could hear her voice rising, the sharpened steel edge of her words. Palms flat on her knees, she sucked in a deep breath, counted 10, tried to calm her mind.

When she first came here, sparse belongings shoved into the trunk of her car, standing in the driveway of an empty home in a lonely town, she had had nothing. No one. She left it all behind for the sake of her future, finding a way for herself. Alone, unsure, afraid she was making a terrible mistake. And in spite of that she pushed forward, committed to keeping her head down and serving out her time until she was free to go back to her life. Her real life.

And then…Bucky happened.

A swirling sense of vertigo sent her mind reeling. How had she let this go so far? How had she fallen in so deep with a man she clearly didn’t know? Who was this girl, this version of herself who leapt without looking and left motorcycle tracks in her wake?

Small and quiet, nearly drowned out by the rushing of her own blood, a voice in the back of her mind whispered:

A girl in love.

No. No. She couldn’t - didn’t - love him. Because he wasn’t real, only a mirage, an idea. A simple illusion she had stupidly fallen for.

A tissue appeared in front of her face, offered in Nat’s nail-bitten fingers. As she reached for it reflexively, YN realized she was crying.

“I know this must be hard for you,” Natasha ventured, bloodshot eyes cautiously following the path of the tissue across Y/N’s face - one eye, then the other, then her sniffling nose. “You and Barnes have something really special -”

“No.” Y/N cut her off. Her lips pressed into a firm line to keep from trembling. The poor tissue was crushed to a ball between her hands. She swallowed harshly, throat aching, before speaking again.

“No,” she sighed, a little calmer; in her mind, a vault door clanged shut over her heart. She imagined herself spinning the spoke handle, the lock mechanisms tumbling into place with cold precision, sealing her in. “We’re not that serious.”

Nat raised a skeptical red brow. She’d barely seen Bucky at the clubhouse in the last month; he was all but moved in to Y/N’s place. They’d come to family dinners with the Avengers, and then go home together - home. They both called it that.

“Still,” Nat went on, treading lightly as she could. “This is a lot to process - but we’re still here for you. I’ve already made some calls. We can find a new residency position for you, an apartment somewhere-”

Y/N was already shaking her head.

“Keep it. All of it.” She stood from her chair, tossing the wrung-out tissue into the waste bin beside her. Chin lifted, she stared down at Natasha where she still sat, bewildered and bleary-eyed. “I don’t want your help, your money, your connections - I don’t want any of it. I’m done.” With the back of one hand, she wiped away the last of her tears. “I want nothing to do with the Avengers - or whoever the hell you are.”

Pursing her lips, Natasha nodded. She looked paler and more tired than ever; the cuticles of her thumbs were picked raw and close to bleeding.

“If that’s the way you want it.” She folded her hands together in her lap. The white bones of her knuckles appeared delicate and small beneath the skin. “Good luck, Y/N. I really mean that.”

Y/N nodded at the prone figure in the bed, motionless and silent, eking out life with each drip of his IV.

“Looks like you need it more than I do.”

When she was gone, Natasha stared at the empty doorway for a long time, barely blinking. A nurse walked by, glancing in for a moment before turning sharply away from her thousand yard stare. Shifting in her chair, she reached over and rested a hand on top of Nick’s, both their fingers cold and dry, soft breaths the only noise between them.

**********

“Buck. Listen to me - we don’t have any more time.” Steve crossed his arms over his broad chest, sympathetic but firm. “If you really care about Y/N, you’ll help us pull out of this op. It’s the only way to keep her safe.”

Bucky rounded on him, a mutinous fury in his eyes.

“Her safety is the only thing I care about,” he said, clenching his teeth. “Why do you think I’ve kept her out of all this? I haven’t told her a damn thing - and now I’m supposed to expect her to just uproot her entire life? How exactly do I explain that, Steve? Huh?” He raised both brows in a dare, a push against Steve’s immovable self-righteousness. Steve didn’t budge.

“How about you try telling the truth?” He dared right back, not one to back down from a game of chicken.

Bucky’s heart clenched, a mixture of defensive anger and guilt and fear swirling in his gut at the thought. It was the simplest and hardest thing he could do now. Tell the truth. His lies weren’t without good reason, but they were still lies. And what if she couldn’t forgive them? His throat felt thick and dry as he tried to swallow.

“I can’t lose her, Steve,” he whispered, voice scraping. “I…I can’t.” Bucky leaned back on the work bench behind him, gripping the edges of the table with tight fingers. He stared down at his feet. “I don’t even know what I’m doing’ this for anymore.”

Steve’s arms feel to his sides as he looked at Bucky, soft blue gaze filled with an aching sympathy. Their jobs - both before, when they were deployed, and now, back home but still in the field - had crowded out any room, any hope, for a normal life. Marriage. A home. Children. Things they didn’t think to want when they were young and signed their lives on a dotted line. They hadn’t known what they were giving up.

Steve shuffled over a few steps and eased onto the bench next to Bucky, the table groaning in protest at their combined weight.

“It’s really that serious with you two, huh,” he mused, knocking Bucky’s elbow with his own. “Never seen you so caught up on one girl before, Buck.”

Snorting, Bucky looked around the garage, shaking his head.

“Yeah, well.” He toed one of his boots against the scuffed concrete floor. “This is different - she’s different. Jesus, Steve, I-I think…” he sucked in a fortifying breath. “I think I love her.”

Steve’s brows shot up. He’d never heard Bucky say those words. He’d had his fair share of girls - Bucky was never hard up for dates, not even as a gangly teenager; his pretty eyes and charming smile and half-quoted poetry books helped him out with that. Steve was the more serious of the two, talking about “the right one” and looking for love. Bucky just liked to have fun. Of the two of them, Steve never imagined that Bucky would be the one wanting to settle down first.

“Wow,” Steve breathed. A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “Well, hey, Buck that’s…that’s great.” He clapped a hand on Bucky’s shoulder. “I’m really happy for you, pal.”

Bucky looked up with a hopeful smile, meeting Steve’s eyes with a bashful look. Bucky Barnes. Bashful. Steve had really seen it all.

“Thanks, Steve.” Bucky ducked his head back down. One of his hands reached absently to tuck his hair behind his ears. “I’ve…never felt like this before - about anyone.”

“Oh, believe me, I know,” Steve grinned.

Bucky’s shoulders dropped and he sighed deeply.

“I just don’t wanna mess this up with her, you know?”

“Then maybe it’s time for the truth,” Steve said softly, staring at Bucky’s profile. “The longer you wait…”

“I know,” Bucky sighed again.

“So what are you waiting for?” Steve shook his shoulder again, offering an encouraging smile. “Go see about your girl, you idiot.”

Rolling his eyes, Bucky shook off Steve’s hand, rising from the work bench. His bike was waiting for him across the garage, the sleek chrome glinting in a beam of afternoon sun. He snatched his jacket from where it hung on a hook by the door and shrugged his shoulders into it, reaching to the pocket for his keys.

“I’ll catch you later, Steve,” he nodded. Glancing back over his shoulder, he licked his lower lip. “Wish me luck?”

“You won’t need it - not if she’s the right one.”

“Yeah, yeah, there you go with that shit again,” Bucky waved him off, swinging a leg over the bike and starting the engine. He tried to tell himself that it was the rumbling of his bike that set his stomach fluttering. He wished Steve would have told him good luck.

**********

She had a duffel bag sitting by the door, socks and boxers that wouldn’t quite fit bursting from the top. Her heart stumbled and then picked up again at a breakneck pace when she heard the grumbling of his bike outside, the rattle of his keys in the front door.

“Baby?” He called as he poked his head in. “I thought you were gonna be home late?”

There was a long pause, a chasm of silence she couldn’t begin to cross. She knew he could see her in the kitchen, her back turned, hands gripping the edges of the sink. Her chest felt tight and she realized she was holding her breath.

Bucky felt his palms grow clammy again, and he flexed his hands, cracking the knuckles of each one alternately. Looking down, he saw the duffel bag by the door, a lonely sock hanging from its open mouth.

When he was 12, Bucky had finally convinced his mom to let him go to a local amusement park with his friends. Coasting on his sugary soda high and sticky-fingered from cotton candy, he and his buddies had sworn to ride every last ride - even the Devil Drop. An impressive 250-foot installation that attracted thrill seekers all year round, the ride lifted him up, up, up - until he was certain he could make out the roof of his house in the distance. And then, with ruthless ambivalence, the ride dropped their carriage. Stomach plummeting, legs glued to the seat, he’d screamed and gripped the bars of his harness and screwed his eyes shut, waiting for it all to be over. When he clambered down from the ride, his knees shook, and he felt a cold sweat on the back of his neck just before he threw up in the bushes. He’d never gone on a ride like that again.

But he remembered this feeling.

“Y/N.” His feet were heavy and slow as he moved towards the kitchen, as though he were wading through water. “What is this?” She glanced over her shoulder, then turned back to the sink, refusing to look at him. Tongue heavy in his mouth, he tried to swallow. “Baby, you’re scarin’ me. What’s going on?”

One hand pressed against her heart, she took a deep breath. Then two.

“It’s over.” She set her shoulders and finally turned to face him, her eyes dry but red-rimmed. “We’re done.” With a nod, she gestured to the lonely bag by her front door. “I’ve packed up your things already, and I want you gone - tonight.”

His mouth fell open in shock.

“What- no. No! Honey, what are you talking about? Please, just talk to me - I don’t understand-” he begged, taking another step towards her. She flinched back, pressing herself against the sink.

“Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m upset about-”

“But I don’t!” His eyes were wide, pleading, and he fought to lower his voice. “Will you just tell me what’s wrong?”

Something in it, that innocent, loving look in his eyes, made her snap. A hidden angry part of her, all teeth and bloodlust, began to roar.

“What’s wrong is that I don’t know who the hell you are!” He’d never heard her raise her voice before, and it frightened him, stopped him cold in his pursuit. It gratified her, the way he paled and took a step back. “What’s wrong is that you’ve been lying to me from the moment I met you! I mean - what the fuck was I supposed to think when I found out that my boyfriend’s identity is just a character he invented cause he’s undercover with the goddamned FBI?”

Bucky’s mouth had gone dry and he tasted bile in his throat. The furious heat of her gaze was too intense and he looked down at the scuffed toes of his boots, unable to meet it.

“How did you find out?” he asked a moment later, still staring at the floor.

“Natasha.” Y/N folded her arms. “I ran into her at the hospital.” Reaching for her coffee cup on the counter, she took a small sip, grimacing when she realized it had gone cold. “You might want to go visit your friend, by the way. He’s in pretty bad shape.”

Shaking fingers raked his hair back from his face as Bucky’s mind raced, trying to think of what to say.

“I…I know you must be angry,” he started - judging from the look on her face, it was a gross understatement. “But I hid this from you to keep you safe. Please believe me, I would never lie to you-”

She laughed, harsh and sad, and shook her head.

“That is unbelievable coming from you - all you’ve done is lie to me since we met!”

“It’s my job, Y/N,” he said, jaw clenched.

“Exactly! And I don’t want any part of it!” Her lower lip trembled, but she forged ahead. “Coverups and secrets and lies…that’s not what I want. I can’t build my life around that.”

And there it was - the real challenge, the question she wouldn’t ask, the question he had been afraid to answer.

“You don’t have to.” His voice came out quiet and hoarse. “I’m quitting.”

A beat. He’d caught her off guard, and he watched as she quickly reassembled her defenses.

“What do you mean?”

Cautiously, he took a step forward; when she didn’t back away, he held her gaze and took the plunge.

“I mean I’m leaving the FBI after this,” he said. “It’s not what I want anymore, either. I…” a deep breath, steeling his nerves. “I want you. I want a future - Y/N, I’m in love with you.” He heard her breath catch, and he closed the last few feet between them to grip her hands in his own. He wanted to say it again, just to taste the sweetness of the words. “I love you, sweetheart. So, wherever you wanna go, let’s go. Let’s get outta here, baby, let’s run and not look back. It doesn’t make a difference to me; all I’ve gotta do is finish this job and then I’m out. I’m all yours - I promise.”

In her head, she could see it, a supercut of daydreams and hopes - the two of them moving furniture into a cramped apartment in the city, adopting a dog and lining the window sill with tiny succulents. A white dress. A pair of rings.

Closing her eyes, she gathered each thought, snatching each one by the wings as it flew by, and placed them all in her vault. She let the door swing shut, hearing the heavy bolt slide home.

Calmly, firmly, she pulled her hands from his grip.

When she opened her eyes again, it was like meeting a stranger - she was standing right in front of him but he’d never felt so far away. His fingers grasped at empty air and his throat closed up. He wanted to get on his knees, beg her not to say the part that came next.

“It’s too late for that, Bucky.” She took a step away, out of his reach. He didn’t try to follow. “I’m sorry, but…” she shook her head. “I just can’t forgive this. I’m-I’m really sorry.” Lifting her chin, she wrapped her arms tightly around herself, took one more step backwards. Bucky felt cold all the way down to his boots. There was no mercy in her gaze - no hatred, either. She had shed her tears, and would give him no more.

“Goodbye, Bucky.”

#bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #bucky x you #bucky x reader fic #bucky x reader imagine #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes x reader #biker!bucky fic #biker!bucky au #avengers fic #born to run

83 notes · View notes

vonnyphant · 3 years

Text

To Blog or Not to Blog?

“You should start a diary and write about your experiences. It may help people going through the same thing.”

Honestly? If there’s one thing I discovered about this diagnosis, it’s that it makes me pretty damn selfish. I don’t want to help other people (not just yet, anyway). But putting some thoughts down about this time in my life may be of some sort of therapeutic value, and I do want to help myself.

(Maybe for once, saving the world can wait. Do you remember how, soon after the pandemic hit, people stopped avoiding plastic and single-use items? When your health is at risk, suddenly rainforests and polar bears and the planet are deprioritised- not that anyone will admit to this. But this is my diary and I can say what I want!* Writing for myself it is.)

Having established my less-than-Mother-Theresa-like reasons for this blog, my conscience cleared, it’s time to start. This is where the Lifetime movie shows me, in a half daze, mellowed out on drugs while they sew a mediport into my chest to start administering chemicals. A fast lane to my bloodstream. A docking station. The soundtrack? Hopefully ‘Across The Universe’ by the Beatles (possibly Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds. If I get a say in it, I veto The Walrus) Time to pump this body full of drugs that’ll make my hair fall out.

Wait, what?

Voice Over: “Yep. That’s me. You’re probably wondering what I am doing here…” //record scratch - freeze frame - fast rewind to the psychedelic outtro of A Day In The Life//

Two months ago, during rub-a-dub-in-the-tub (less naughty than it sounds, was just washing myself), my mind inexplicably went to an episode of Beverly Hills 90210, s1 (aired in 1992- yes, I am that old), where Brenda Walsh has a breast cancer scare. I say inexplicably, because my usual shower fantasies do not include Ms Shannon Doherty - if I was going to pick a shower lady, I’d opt for Charlize Theron, Kiera Knightly or Winona Ryder in their short-hair phases, but that is neither here nor there.

Say what you want for 90s television- weird outfits and ponytails notwithstanding, in their AfterSchoolSpecial PSA way, they dedicated a whole scene to the girls giving themselves a breast exam, including how-to instructions**, and eventhough I was only 11 years old when I saw it, I remembered what to do, and for the last 30 years, every now and then I have randomly carried it out while wondering how I always preferred Brandon over Dylan and how my tastes have changed over time.

But this time - my hand actually found something.

I took a deep breath and calmed myself down the same way I did after finding spots on my skin, lumps on my head and every time I sneezed since covid-19; by telling myself to fucking snap out of my hypochondria tendencies. One cannot go to the doctor every damn day after all. Breast tissue is pretty lumpy and I assumed it was just imaginary. I made an appointment to see a therapist, and put it out of my mind until a few weeks later, when one of the kids came crashing down on me (literally) and faceplanted in my boob (as they do).

Now this always hurts af, but it just hurt that little more that day, so that I grabbed the appendage in question and went “WHAT THE--!” And I felt it again- the lump, more defined than a few weeks before.

Cue a lot more freaking out than the first time, and after a sleepless night, imagining what my funeral would look like (as one does), I decided to go to the gynocologist the same day or risk never to sleep again.

After a long wait and an ultrasound, my doctor assured me that while there really was a mass, it had every indication of being benign. We should keep an eye on it. If I was worried, I could schedule a second screening, but would not likely get an appointment before April. I scheduled one and tried to focus on preparing our first lockdown Christmas.

But over the holidays, the lump started hurting, even when I wasn’t poking it or having a kid catapult themselves into my chest. I’d be Netflix and Chilling, and suddenly - ZAP - like someone stuck a hot needle into it. Repeatedly. My nipple would go numb or start tingling like a bodypart that fell asleep. It freaked me out, and in the new year, I realised I couldn’t wait until April - I had to get it checked out again or I may worry myself to death.

My gynocologist did another ultrasound and again, told me not to worry. I told her it was way too late for that as I had been worried for weeks, and I wanted the thing biopsied (they gave Brenda Walsh one too, after all! It’s the only way to be 100% sure). She referred me to the hospital. At the description of my symptoms, I could come directly, and the radiologist told me in no unclear terms: “I will not let you leave this room until we draw blood and take several biopsies.” Okay- not exactly what one wants to hear at that point, but at the same time, I figured knowing would be better than guessing by the shape of it.

Test results took a week. I went in, being prepared to be told (like Brenda) it was a harmless clump of random cells or a cyst we could have removed like a wart. Only it wasn’t. It was breast cancer, an aggressive, fast-growing kind, and had I waited until April, that could have had disastrous consequences.

While the doctor explained we now needed to determine the scope of the spread and take more tissue to determine what kind of chemo (if any) could be applied, all my 2020-PTSD brain could think was:

“.............of course”.

Didn’t hear much of what she said afterwards.

Another harrowing 4 days went by, with a CT screening with contrast solutions that gave me an intense stomach ache as well as a migraine, and finally, a fully rounded diagnosis and treatment advice could be made.

Thankfully, all my organs as well as lymphnodes were clear, so it appears to be a localised tumor. And here we are - to fight this thing with chemicals and then cut out whatever is left. Genetics testing to see about the likelihood of a recurrency (and a possible double mastectomy if so - ‘pulling an Angelina Jolie’, ‘not saving the tatas’, insert ‘Think About It meme’...can’t have breast cancer if you don’t have breasts! THINK ABOUT IT***).

Chances are good. I need to cling to that while I wait for this port and treatment to start. I have accepted the inevitable hair loss, have scheduled a ritual ‘crazy hair cutting party’ with my kids for this weekend (as I would rather shave it off in one go than clean up clumps and strands over the course of weeks and look like Gollum), and I have sewn several funny little hats for inside wear and ‘going out’ (though where will I be going in pandemic, idk).

I was going to end this post on a light and happy note - but I must admit my confidence just took a really big hit in real time, as I googled how to spell Shannon’s last name for this blog entry and found out that she was treated for breast cancer in 2015, initially succesfully, but it reappeared metastasized in 2020 (again: ‘of course...when else’) and she is now in stage IV. Fuck 2020.

What are the odds that the woman whose character made me discover my own breast cancer is now, in fact, dying of the same disease? This will surely haunt me for a long time to come.

More tomorrow? Or soon? It may take a while. Until then: outro to It’s Getting Better.

*also for the record I would like to state that I’ve sewn my own masks from upcycled pillowcases and continued using fruit- and vegetable nets to avoid plastic; maybe that makes up for me being utterly selfish at the moment. Karma +1?

** https://youtu.be/pkgYXITkrfw (the scene from BH 90210)

***cis men / trans women without breasts can also get breast cancer (even though it’s rare) so this meme doesn’t really hold up, but that’s the whole point of the meme ;)

7 notes · View notes

ladyideal · 4 years

Text

Get Well Soon

Pairing: Leonard McCoy x Reader

Word Count: 1829

Summary: You help a colony pack up from a planet, and caught a rather nasty bug on the way back. After nearly two weeks, a cure was finally found. A particular doctor became rather reluctant in giving you it, as there were side effects that could be rather life threatening.

A/N: First off, I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense. Not entirely sure what I was trying to write. Was trying to get as close to the symptoms of the coronavirus, and ended up adding some of my own. Stay safe everyone, and remember to WASH YOUR HANDS. :)

(gif wouldn’t load. Credit to @discoveringenterprise, who’s taking up requests!)

“Sweetheart, you’re burning up,” Leonard mentioned, placing the back of his hand against your forehead. You had try to dodged away, but he was too fast. “You’re showing the same symptoms as the others.”

“I just need sleep, Len,” You argued. “’m not sick.”

The Enterprise was ordered to evacuate a Federation colony immediately. Planet 52XX was promising for some time, until the larger than life hurricane was spotted a year or two after the first settlement. Yet, the colony held out until the very last minute. With the hurricane larger than Jupiter’s own and encroaching onto the colony within two days did the Federation finally called it quits.

The planet was slightly more arid than the climate on the ship. In response, the lower decks were cleaned, and the second, more smaller Medbay was stocked ready for the colony members to come through for increase fluids. Temperature was raised, and the humidity was lowered to copy the planet’s climate. Steadily, they would be acclimated to the rest of the ship.

Other than that, the colony were thin, but healthy.

As Captain, you and two teams were beamed down to the surface of the planet to help with the evacuation. Well, it was mostly you and one team speaking with the adults, and the other team herding the kids towards the shuttle. In just the five or six hours needed to get everyone on shuttles, a thunderstorm passed through, soaking literally everyone within its vicinity.

Everything went seamlessly. Life aboard the ship continued.

Three day passed before the two members of the two landing teams was found unconscious, and immediately quarantined within hours after being brought down to the Medbay. Then another the next day, and another. Within five days after the original evacuation, everyone that was involved in the landing party were isolated.

Len had messaged you the notice earlier, but you’d ignored it for the most part. Being friends with him since the Academy, and dating for a solid two years now, you’d learned to never question him on his medical expertise. However, you had other plans. Command was hailing you every other hour, demanding for reports on the status of their failed colony.

Your boyfriend observed you in concern, as you played around with the peas on your plate. “Then you wouldn’t mind coming to medbay with me, so I can take a look.”

“It’s just a waste of time, Len,” You insisted anyways. “It’s just a low fever and a slight cough.”

Leonard raised an eyebrow. “Humor me.”

You sighed, reluctantly chasing after the offending peas with a spoon and eating them. “Let’s go, I guess.”

It didn’t take long for Len to settle you in an isolation room. One hour being quarantined, and finally away from work, your exhaustion returned in full force, sending you into bouts of coughs and the beginnings of a rather nasty pneumonia. Your boyfriend gently brushed away an errant hair, affectionately tucking it in behind your ear.

“Get some sleep, Y/N.”

In a day, your health spiraled out of control. Your fever soared into the dangerous zone, and the pneumonia worsened, puzzling all the doctors on board. The colony members were fortunate enough to not have encountered any significant diseases, and none ever had any symptoms like you did. It was just a brief mission; get them ready, and back up the ship. There was minimal contact with them, and yet both landing parties were afflicted with a life threatening disease.

Your joints ached, and you felt as if every inch of your body was on fire. It was becoming a fight for your life. Even Chris’s gentle touch as she cooled your forehead with a cool washcloth was too much for your senses to take. The medication dripped steadily from the IV was helping, but it was going to be a long recovery ahead.

“Leonard,” You whimpered weakly.

Christine sadly shushed you, humming tunelessly in an attempt to soothe you. She glanced over her shoulder in time to see Jim join your boyfriend, standing outside the isolation room.

“Still nothing?” The blonde spoke.

The CMO crossed his arms across his chest, but shook his head. His face was expressionless, but Jim knew better. He knew having you in the isolation room and severely ill was taking a toll on the doctor. There was a significant weight on him to take care of you, and all he felt was a failure in keeping you safe.

“It doesn’t look good,” Leonard paused, briefly glancing up at the monitor that displayed the numbers to your vitals. “We’re doing all we can for her.”

“She’s a fighter,” Jim assured his best friend. “She’ll pull through it.”

The doctor was silent for a minute, running a hand through his hair. “I can’t lose her, Jim. I can’t.”

“And you won’t, Bones. She’s got you. She’ll be okay.”

A week and a half went by before any good news came around. The fever had loosened its grasps on you, but you were still warm, and everything absolutely ached. It was selfish you knew to keep your boyfriend by your sides at all times, especially since he still had other patients to take care of. So as much as your soul ached for the skin to skin contact, you kept quiet. Leonard, on the other hand, did his best to stay with you as long as he could. He would catch you up on the recent ship’s gossip, how Joanna was, and how Jim and the rest of the Bridge had sent you Get Well messages.

Today was no different.

You were curled up on your side, mindful of all the monitor leads and IV tethers. Resting your eyes, you didn’t realize a presence beside your bed until the figure heaved out a heavy sigh. Despite the cannula nestled in your nose delivering a steady stream of pure oxygen, it was still hard to breathe.

“Len?” You croaked, cracking your eyes open.

Your boyfriend met your gaze. Even though he’d donned on his protective gear, you could still see his red rimmed eyes, and the dark circles beneath them. Almost instinctively, you reached out for him, only for him to grasp your hand in his gloved ones.

“I’m here, sweetheart,” He sounded strained, even to himself.

“You look awful, love,” You admonished gently, rubbing little circles on his hand in a futile attempt to get him to relax. “I’ll have you know that your office isn’t a place for you to sleep in.”

Leonard didn’t answer immediately, dropping his gaze to the vial rolling in his free hand. Curiously, you followed his attention too. With the joke falling flat, you figured out that he was wound up and too serious. All business, and no fun.

“What’s that?”

“A cure,” Your doctor flatly replied.

You brightened up at his words, but frowned since he wasn’t feeling the same. For now, you reserved judgement.

“Then?” You propped yourself up on an elbow.

Leonard sighed again, making a show of reaching the hypospray and loading the blue tinged liquid vial into it. Once he readied it, he caught your gaze again. This time, instead of happiness, there was apology swirling within his eyes.

“Science pulled through late last night. There’s a lot of side effects to this. Nausea, headaches, chills, and a significant chance of having seizures. In your current state, I’m not sure if we can pull you back from that.”

Your frown deepened.

“But if I take it, I’ll have a chance, right?”

“Yes, darlin’.”

“Then let’s do it,” You watched as your boyfriend got to his feet, and paced in front of your bed. “I already feel worse then I did before I went to nap earlier.”

“Sweetheart, please. You’ve still got a fighting chance with all the immunity boosters we’ve given,” He cursed afterwards, shaking his head.

“Len,” You spoke after a pause. “C’mere.”

Your boyfriend obediently shuffled back towards your bed, and sat back down on his stool. Reaching out for his hand, you kept your gaze on him and pouted.

“Please?”

He looked like he was going to argue, but thought better of it and stripped one of his gloves off. You spent the next few minutes reveling at the skin to skin contact, and briefly closed your eyes. It was awhile before you spoke again.

“I know you’re not ready to let me go, and I-I-I don’t want to either. But this is my one and only chance to stay with you, Len. I don’t want to go anywhere, but be by your side,” You breathed out, rubbing tiny circles with your thumb on the back of his hand. “I know the risks, love. This is me giving you my informed consent to go ahead, to give me a fighting chance.”

Leonard continued shaking his head.

You caught his gaze, observing the swirl of anger, desperation, sorrow, apologetic, and most of all, love in his. Gently squeezing his hand, you smiled slightly. The muscles in his neck were strained, and the way his hands clenched and unclenched, as though they were itching to do anything, was a sign of his desperation.

“For us.”

“Y/N, you’re the captain of this goddamn ship. What if-?”

“Leonard, listen to me,” You interrupted. “There is a long list of what ifs that could happen. We won’t be getting anywhere if we start into those questions. However the fact still remains that giving me that is the only logical choice.”

“Logical?” The doctor rounded on you again. “Sweetheart, please don’t tell me that Spock’s been giving you lessons.”

You sighed, shaking your head. “Len, it’ll be okay. I’ll be okay. I’m not going anywhere.”

For the first in a long time, you could see the hurt and the fear flicker across his face. The entire time you were severely sick, he was careful in not worrying you for as much as he could. Rounding towards your bed again, he made a show in readying the hypo and priming it.

Gently, he splayed a hand across the column of your throat, and glanced back at you. You nodded your consent one last time, as though you would have changed your mind in just a short amount of time. There was a slight fear, but you were ready to fully fight off this damn disease and get back into Leonard’s arms once more.

Without much flair, he pressed the hypo to your neck, and injected the slightly blue substance. Tossing it aside when done, your boyfriend sat back down on his stool, head in his hands.

“One hour,” He declared, voice muffled by his hands. “If you’re not having any seizures, we can talk about bringing you out to the main wing soon.”

You settled back against the biobed, and waited alongside him.

Star Trek Tags: @mournthewicked Join the taglist!

#umm #not my best writing #lmao #but I imagine this would happen #leonard mccoy #leonard bones mccoy #bones mccoy #leonard mccoy x reader #bones x reader #leonard mccoy imagine #star trek #star trek aos #deb writes

104 notes · View notes

amusedyan · 5 years

Text

Mother of Legacies

So this was a collab between @hearteyes-candyskies and me! We worked out the plot together and she was kind enough to give me a list of yandere Greek myths for inspiration. We hashed out a lot of this and she was so helpful in picking out the details.

Special thanks to my good friend @lightautumnsky for taking a look at this for me and giving me her opinion- you’re amazing and I owe you big for this.

One more disclaimer; normally I go out of my way to keep my darlings and reader inserts as neutral as possible. Everyone deserves to be a darling no matter gender or race. However, because a lot of Io’s importance is because of her bloodline, I had to keep her female. I’m very sorry, but that’s how this had to happen.

tw: implied forced pregnancy

Your legs ache as you climb the mountain. Your hooves are uncertain in the stone as you journey upwards, and you huff with exhaustion. The sun beats down on your hide and your tongue lolls- you’d never thought to miss sweat before.

Overhead and forward some distance an eagle screeches, and you shudder instinctively. But there is no lightning crossing the sky, and no boom of thunder, and so you continue on.

You make steady ground and in the distance you see him, and you breathe in peace.

You’re so close.

The Adversary, chained to the mountain; beneath his sunburn he is frighteningly pale, with matted dark hair and haunted eyes. He tracks your progress as you approach. There is a gaping, scabbed wound in his side, bleeding sluggishly.

Everyone knows the story- once an ally with the Lord of the Sky, he’d disobeyed to serve humanity. For his insolence, Zeus had stripped his name and chained him to the mountains, his eagle set upon him to tear out his liver every day.

You are so tired, but you’re made the journey, and you feel you deserve a rest, setting yourself down at his feet and looking up at him patiently.

“You’re no normal cow, are you?” He asks bluntly, peering down at you. He doesn’t seem surprised. You shake your head no- and he nods. “Transformation?” You nod in assent. “Nice to know they haven’t changed.”

You want to ask, but he laughs a little. It’s distinctly unamused. “I can understand you. Don’t worry. Now, the details?”

“I don’t quite know where to begin.” You admit carefully. The Eagle is nearby, and you aren’t sure if it’s just an eagle.

The titan catches where you look and assures you that it’s just an eagle. “A pet, that’s all. Let’s begin this way- what have you come for?”

“Do you have a name?” You ask first. “I need to call you something.” Are you imagining the slight quirk of the titan’s lips.

“L. It’s close enough to what was stolen.”

So you begin.

Your name was Io. Is it still? Who knows, a cow can’t introduce herself.

You were a priestess to Hera, but before that you were a princess, princess of Argos. You’d not wanted to marry, and so your parents had bought you a place in the temple, and you had devoted yourself to worship.

That life spoke to you, and you had friends in your sister priestesses, and went about your duties happily- you cleaned your section of the temple, you helped prepare meals, occasionally you even assisted with the sacrifices to the Goddess herself. You would stand behind the senior priestess as she prayed watch the smoke from the altar drift to the sky and think in this I am happy.

Your life continued this way for months, until winter came, and with it came Gamelion- the month blessed for marriage. Engaged women and mothers of the brides and their grooms flocked to the temple to pray for wealth, happiness and love.

Among the ceremony were the plays- plays dedicated to the marriage of your Gods. The performers reenacted the marriage and courtship of the pantheon, and as always, Mighty Zeus ad Hera were among the most frequent.

The temple kept cuckoos for their own performances, and you loved the birds. Only the most senior priestesses were tasked with their care, but you liked to be around them when you had the time.

It was your duty one morning to prepare the altar- you cleaned it and offered your prayers to Hera. You lit incense and kept your voice pitched low. The fruit offered- the finest of oranges- filled the room with it’s citrussy scent. All the smells made your nose itch.

Your eyes were closed when it happened; all you felt was heat. The light was visible through your eyelids, like you were looking straight at the sun when you’d closed them. There was no noise, no smells, nothing- just the light.

When it was gone, the worshippers in the chamber were gaping at you with awe, and your robes were dusted with gold. The offerings to Hera, you realized with growing horror, were gone- replaced by pomegranates.

--------

“So you were blessed by Zeus.” L interrupts. You nod.

“That’s what the High Priestess said, anyway.”

“How did you feel?”

“Afraid.”

“Oh?”

“Zeus blessed a priestess devoted to Hera in Her own temple while she stood before Hera’s altar.” You elaborate with one more shudder. L hums, and you can see that his fingers twitch.

“And everyone knows what happens to Light’s conquests.” He says quietly, and you frown, as much as you can.

“Light?”

“Continue, Io.”

ii.

One night, soon after, there was a thunderstorm. You lied in your bed, shivering beneath your blankets.

You’d grown up sharing a room with your sisters; the single accommodation afforded to you as a Priestess left you lonely on nights like that. Your youngest sister had been frightened of thunder, and often joined you in your bed to keep from crying out and waking the others.

“It’s only Zeus, little one,” Mother would promise when she caught you both, smiling a little, then leading your sister back to her own bed. “Nothing to fear.”

Lightning arced across the sky with a boom.

Nothing to fear indeed.

You shivered and tucked your blanket under your chin.

Storms had never scared you like this.

But then, you reflected, never had you been in a position where the Lord of Storms had blessed you.

The gold hadn’t come off those robes, and it had taken the temple’s strongest soap to remove it from your skin.

Outside your window, the tree shook with the force of the wind, and the chill crept in.

Sleep was long coming that night, and it didn’t come easy. Dreams were too much to ask, but sleep you finally did, even with the noise of rivaling the falling of the sky happening outside.

In the morning a bowl of acorns lay on your sill innocently, even if they were all but innocent.

----

“That must have been frightening.”

By now night was falling, and the first of the stars were lit.

“Oh very much. I nearly screamed. But then I’d have woken the others and that’s not fair to them.” You explained. With night falling the flies had finally ceased tormenting you, and you can finally relax.

“What was Misa’s opinion?”

It shouldn’t shock you, L knowing Hera’s second name. He’d once walked with them before his betrayal.

“I received no sign or omen in warning.” You can’t help the bitterness.

By now, the wound in L’s side has nearly healed completely.

You hope to be gone before morning, or at least before the torment begins again.

“What was the High Priestess’ opinion of these occurrences?”

iii.

“Have you actually seen Him?” High Priestess Agnete demanded.

“Of course not! Would I still be here if I had?” You demanded before you could stop yourself. The slap was painful, but not unexpected, and you bowed your head in apology.

“So Zeus has just been...sending you gifts?” And you could actually hear the derision in her voice. Or contempt?

“I know how it sounds, ma’am.” You promised.

“Do you? Because it sounds to me that an under priestess, one who’s hardly belonged to the temple longer than perhaps a fortnight,” and that wasn’t fair- you’d been here more than a year and she damn well knew it, “is claiming that the Lord of the Sky is attempting to court you.”

Court you? Was she serious?

Who in their right mind believed Him capable of courting anyone besides His wife?

Zeus seduced. He did not court.

“I understand,” you tried again, trying to keep the nervousness from your hands, “how it sounds, but I swear-”

“Say no more or risk punishment for your lies.”

“And the gold?” You demanded, “even you agreed that that was a sign from Him, didn’t you? And oak-”

“A blessing and nothing more. Zeus’ holy tree is the oak- I don’t believe acorns count toward anything significant, Io. Now, if you don’t mind-”

You had a split moment to wonder if Agnete was being thick on purpose, perhaps playing up her ignorance to stay out of matters larger than her, when a screech rendered the air and made both of you look up.

Agnete scrambled back as a sceptre, long and golden, emblazoned with the mark of Light, embedded itself in the ground at your feet. It was nearly as tall as you, slim and well crafted.

To your left there was the fluttering of wings, and an eagle seated itself on the garden wall, watching you with eyes unblinking.

Agnete had whimpered, and you couldn’t help but feel smug satisfaction at being proven right.

-----

“I take it that things got worse after that?”

The moon cast shadows on L’s face, and your new eyes had poor sight in the dark. You might have missed his face entirely if not for the shine of moonlight from his eyes. You wonder if he can see you clearly with his hair hanging in his face like that.

“Not at first.”

“Were there any more gifts?”

Gifts, and you couldn’t resist a laugh.

“No. None. I’d gotten the message.”

“But you refused him?”

“Yes. I was a priestess. It was out of the question already.” Besides, Zeus had never turned up to try and goad you into it. Or force, as it were. Your stomach growls. Nothing can be done- the mountain is barren, there’s nothing to graze here.

iv.

Your sister Priestesses were dying.

It was late, and you were praying feverishly.

You hadn’t slept in several days, nor eaten.

As they walked about, as they prayed, as they did their chores, they were dropping dead like flies with nothing to forewarn what was happening. The old, the young, the experienced and the newly initiated. Agnete had gone first, and of them, only she had seemed to be in pain.

“Hera, Mother and Wife, Patron of This Holy Temple, to You I Pray,” you whispered, on your knees with your head to the stone floor. You’d been at this for hours. The words were blurring together, and the smoke of the incense was so thick you could hardly see.

“Rise, Mortal,” a soft voice called, “and gaze upon your Patron.”

Misa, Queen and Mother. She was small and golden haired, dressed in elegant blues and greens, with a crown upon her head and a silver scepter in hand.

You looked at her and you saw Power. You were in the presence of a God, and never before had you felt so small.

“Lady Misa.” You whispered. She nodded.

“Many names have I, Mortal. But you know that, don’t you?”

You didn’t answer; this was all relative. You were in danger. You knew you were in danger.

Misa stepped forward and looked you over. Her eyes were cold as the sea- you were nothing to her, a catalyst to her cult’s destruction at the hands of her husband.

“Zeus pursues you, mortal, though I’m sure you’re aware.”

You swallowed.

“Yes, My Lady.”

She began to circle you, silently as a cat. You couldn’t bear to look in her eyes.

“Never before has my husband been so...brazen, as to pursue a priestess belonging to me. In my own temple.” Was that anger or pain that made the slight Goddess flinch. “He strikes down my own worshippers even.” She tsked, “all for you.”

“My Lady,”

“My Husband pursued me once. With great zeal. But I had something he wanted then. Now you’ve caught his eye. It won’t last long, but until then, you cannot stay here.”

Her sceptre clapped upon the ground and you felt something akin to nausea take you over from the inside out. You stared up at her, even as your flesh changed and your bones turned. There was no pain, just horror.

“Leave my Temple, Io. In this form, Zeus will not find you. I suggest you make use of that gift.”

And then Misa was gone.

“Is that the end of it?” Asked L. The sun was beginning to peak over the valley below, but the light had yet to touch the mountains. The titan’s side was healed by now.

“Yes. You’re said to be the wisest besides Athena, and you have the gift of Prophecy. Is there any way to undo what was done to me, L?” The name is strange and foreign on your tongue.

L looks south, towards Mount Olympus.

“I spoke the truth to Men before. I Saw what he would become, and I tried to mitigate the damage. For that betrayal he hunted my brothers and sisters and stripped me of my name, chained me to this mountain and tortures me day after day with his damned bird.” His expression equal parts bitter and sad, but when he looks at you he is angry.

“Go South. Beyond the sea is a Land of Sand and Fire, there, there are magics unlike ours. You will find a way to return to your former body. But be warned, Priestess. Should Zeus find you he will get what he wants. And from your unions a bloodline cursed and blessed shall be born. Blessed with the weakness of their dam and cursed with the madness of their progenitor; a line of heroes and kings and monsters.”

The eagle opens its eyes and with a screech descends upon L’s side with a vengeance.

You do not thank the titan, but you do offer a prayer that he might be freed some day.

vi.

It’s a long journey to the South.

You are so tired you can hardly stand, but the sand beneath your feet is undeniable, and you could weep for joy.

From there it’s a blur of heat and confusion. You cannot speak, and never before has this land seen a cow quite like you. Common enough for Greece, but not here.

You are taken to a palace where you are fed and watered and given shelter.

By morning, the court sorcerer has seen you, declared you to be enchanted, and broken Misa’s hold on you.

It’s quite embarrassing; a beautiful woman, naked in the royal stable. But the sorcerer calls for clothing and soon you’re dressed in fabrics so lovely that they might as well be gossamer on your skin for how soft they are.

You spend that night in a bedroom fit for royalty, and you allow yourself to be pampered for the first time in ages.

The King requests that you join him for the evening meal, and you arrive, presenting yourself as the Princess that you are, since you are no longer a Priestess.

Seated on a strange throne is a young man about your age. He watches you with eyes too red and hair of chestnut, but to look at his face is to see a clever face that you have known.

Light, Lord of Storms, Lord of the Skies.

Zeus, King of the Gods.

“Hello, darling.”

He stands and descends, taking your hands in his when he reaches you.

“You’ve come so far, I’m so proud! You did exactly what I thought you might.” His hand is soft on your cheek, thumb daring to touch your lower lip. In his eyes is greed and lust and pride.

“Did you know, sweet Io, that I overhear what my servants do? Gossip, knowledge, prophecy,” perhaps you might die now. Drop dead like the others.

But Light continues, unashamed, amused, even.

“Io, Mother of Legacies- it has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it, my darling?”

Are the walls closing in?

“And best of all, Hera can’t reach us here.”

His hand cups you middle, imagining the growth there.

“From you springs a dynasty.”

#death note #dn #light yagami #mythology #yandere #yandere death note #yandere dn #yandere light yagami #yandere mythology

252 notes · View notes

boywivlove · 4 years

Text

| Lutz | 01

Chapters | 02

Pairing: Past Hoseok x Reader | Eventual Jimin x Reader

Genre: Figure skating AU | Slight angst | Fluff

Words: 1K +

Summary : After your last performance at the Junior world championships leaves you with a broken leg, your longtime boyfriend and team mate Jung Hoseok decides to partner with someone else and sign with a new agency for the next competition, leaving you behind with the remains of a severed relationship. 2 years go by and your leg has long since healed, but a nasty blow to your confidence has put you off the idea of return to the competition circuit after being left behind. But when a chance meeting with an old friend catches you by surprise, you find yourself with a new partner. And after working hard you end right back where everything went wrong. But this time your going to show just far you’ve come.

Warnings : Mentions of broken bones and injury | some strong language |

Authors Note: Heyyyy SO Im still here haha, Ive been so busy with work and getting ready for christmas Ive not had time to write, but hopefully people are still here and want to read my skater AU hahah >W<

Its funny how things can change so quickly. You feel like everything just fits together, like a jigsaw portraying the image of your perfect life. You never really think about the perfection shattering like a mirror and you, being left to pick up the pieces of your once perfect reflection. Some things are just not meant to last forever I guess.

It was currently autumn time in your small little town, the leaves had long since shifted from lush greens into the beautiful hues of orange and red, like fire lining the cobbled streets. The chill in the air calling for thick winter wear and stalls of delicious hot foods perfect for this kind of weather. Yet as you walk the busy street, your once beloved time of year now only brought you broken memories and an ache in your bones you couldn’t seem to shift.

You readjusted your messenger bag as you opened the door to the small coffee shop, the bell chiming as you felt the warmth kiss your frostbitten cheeks. It had been two years to the day when your dreams were ripped away from you. It was in this very cafe that you remember every detail of that night, every word he spoke to try and make you see his point of view, as if to soften the blow of his abandonment. Who was he trying to kid? His name was Jung Hoseok, Jhope in the figure skating circles. Yes, THAT Jung Hoseok. Lovable bad boy Pro skater Jung. god. damn. Hoseok. It was such a bad break up, if you could call it a break up. More like complete abandonment in your opinion. Who the hell abandons their girlfriend and skating partner for competition? Him thats who.

It all happened at the junior world championships. You and Hoseok had been partners for 10 years, ever since you could balance on your skates. and for 5 years you had been a couple going strong. All the training you put in had led up to that moment, the moment to prove yourselves and be scouted out by the mass of agencies that had attended in hopes of snatching some new blood. It was finally your turn and you both breezed through the routine, the toe loops? no sweat. the Salchows were child’s play for you both. But then came the triple lutz. You had practices this particular move almost a hundred times and every time you were near perfect. But that one particular moment. The one time you needed to be flawless, lady luck decided fortune was not in the cards for you. You lost footing mid air and Boom. One broken femur and a trip to the hospital later you felt your ego bruised and your chances of being talent scouted shot.

It was two months later into your recovery Hoseok had asked you to meet at the cafe you sat in now, four booths over in fact. You had arrived a little late due to your injury inconvenience. He had ordered your favourite hot drink, peppermint hot chocolate and asked how you were. You didn’t think nothing of it but he had been distant since the accident. It wasn’t anything you felt you had to worry about, you were confined to the house the majority of your time after being released from the hospital so it was natural to you you hadn’t seen him in weeks. It was only when he cleared his throat and bit his lip you knew something was on his mind, it was a habit he had since he was a kid. Time seemed to slow down in that moment as your world caved in from under you.

“hey listen,, this is a little hard for me to say…”

“oh? is everything alright? I know we haven't been able to practice in a while but once im all healed-”

“no no its,,, look Y/N ill be straight with you.”

“ o- ok?”

“Y/N,, I want to go somewhere with my figure skating. and with you off the ice for the foreseeable,,,, I dont think I can go anywhere.”

“ oh… uh- so,, are you saying you want to go solo?”

“Not quite,,, aghhh listen, after your accident I realised were on different levels in our skating, this just proves it. This competition should have been easy for us and you go and break your leg for fucks sake,”

“oh like it was my intention to make an idiot of myself out there? How can you blame me for that?! Hoseok if you just wait we can work, I can work on my routines. i ca-”

“Y/N I cant say thins any other way but, I got a call from the S.F.S.A and they want me in their program. They’ve partnered me with a great skater and she-”

“Wait… you've already signed with them,,, and got a new partner. Hoseok I cant… I cant believe you. We always said we skate together or not at all. and you know how much I wanted us to get into S.F.S.A TOGETHER? Its like you dont care about anything we worked towards… and just because I broke my leg? … I just. I cant believe you.”

“come on Y/N dont be like this. This is a big opportunity for me. The Seoul Figure Skating Association in a BIG deal. I thought you’d understand. Your my girlfriend why are you being like this”

“Im HURT Hobi!? The slightest inconvenience and you throw me away? ,,,”

The silence was deafening as the two of you sat in that booth, The lighting overhead made Hobis blonde tips look almost white, and your eyes shimmer with unshed tears. It was as if the Hobi you knew, the man you’d loved since childhood had disappeared the moment he sat down. After all the hard work and effort you had put in, both in your teamwork and relationship, was it all for nothing.

“I dont think this is gonna work between us anymore… Things, things change. People change and, I want this Y/N. I cant wait for you anymore.”

Those few sentences broke your heart. With nothing else to say to him you stood up, your crutches steadying you as you said nothing, what could you say to someone who just threw away everything you had together for a chance at bettering his career,,, a career you both put so much effort into. A career he was perusing with someone new. Hoseok stood with you when you struggled to adjust your bag around your head, he looked as though he wanted to help you, but the angry tears threatening to spill out of your reddening eyes was enough to tell him not to. As you made your way to the entrance you looked back at him, his face was masked in an almost pained expression, his cheeks were starting to pinken and his jaw was shaking slightly as thought he was about to cry. You left the shop before you could hear him saying its for the best. if that was what he thought then he can leave you. You were just thrown to the kerb and in that moment. your perfect world had shattered. your reflection left broken into pieces on the floor.

So, two years later and here you sit, in the same cafe, looking over to the booth your whole life came crashing down. Your leg had healed well, and you took back to the ice almost instantly to train yourself up again, but after the pain of losing your partner on and off the ice, you just couldn’t find the confidence you once had. It was as if your competitive lust for figure sating had left you with Hobi. It was after your loss of confidence your mental health took an even bigger hit, you felt yourself declining from the world and the people around you as you just got by day to day. You felt you could heal from what happened physically, but not mentally. But all grey clouds have a silver lining, days went by, the sun came up, and you eventually felt like yourself again. It took a lot, but it was the lack of self confidence in yourself that led you to your current occupation, your local ice rink had an opening for the overseeing the beginners lessons for ages 5-10, as much as you wished you could get back to being the skater you once were, the kids have grown on you. Your days that were filled with dull moping around the now very single woman’s apartment was now filled with tiny rosy cheeked little faces eager to learn. and everyday you felt yourself becoming more and more like yourself. And its this part of your life when you meet someone who turns it all around for you.

#btsbookclub #armysource #jung hoseok fanfic #jung hoseok x reader #jung hoseok #hobi x reader #hobi fanfic #jhope x reader #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #bts ice skating au #ice skating au #bts figure skating au #park jimin x reader

66 notes · View notes

pbandjesse · 4 years

Text

I have a head ache. I hate that this keeps happening. But today was a very good day. I feel very tired and I hate that, but I felt okay this morning. I felt like I was running late. And like technically I was by like 5 minutes. But it felt so much more. But I got out of the house mostly on time. But then people were driving really slow so I felt stress.

But I did park a little higher up on the hill. So the walk wasnt as hard on my calves. But again I was thrown in with a group. Just for the morning though and that was just fine. I didnt even have to ask this time they just made it happen. Thank you.

It was rainy this morning. So I had changed into my rain gear when I got there. But it cleared up pretty quick. I was with the pool kids. And they were honestly the easiest group I could have asked for. I went up to wait for them and just read my book. Which I finished because once they got there all they wanted to do was play pokemon cards. They didnt need me at all. And because it was raining I asked them if they wanted to go to their ground elements program or just chill. And they chose chill so we didnt even go anywhere until 1030. So I just read and some of them colored or played with string but they were just super chill.

By 1030 though the rain had cleared. And the sun came out. And off we went to the trading post. They all got some candy. And were annoyed with the bugs so they asked to go back to the pool house. I was concerned that we ahd been sitting for a long time so I took them the very long way around camp, just a little hike, stopped at the office, and then to our cabin.

They were all very sweet kids. But for real they did not need me. So I just read. But then I was finished my book. I almost cried a few times. The last story was maybe not the strongest but I really enjoyed the whole book. But then I lacked things to do!!

But then it was lunch. And they had grilled cheeses! I had an issue with one of the kids ignoring me when I told them to come get lunch so the person dropping them off in the golf cart left. So they had to wait like 10 minutes for their lunch and then they didnt even eat it! She said she only likes brie cheeses. Oh my god. I told her she was the fanciest child and she loved that.

Once we were done with lunch I made them clean. They were very into cleaning the windows, but were bad at sweeping. At least things were clean. And then it was pool time for real.

We had to wait a little once we got down there so I made them go run in the grass. But they were like. Its to scratchy. So we went back to the table and waited there. But once they were allowed in the pool I sat with my legs in the water. Cj was there! It was nice.

But then I was done. Someone came to replace me. The kids yelled thank you to me and Cj and me walked towards the office, and I headed up to the art shed.

I worked on some example stuff. Some cleaning. Then I took a break. Leila, Alexa, and Angelia came and hung out with me and we had a really good conversation and it was just nice to talk to people. Once they left I finished reading a new york times article and then got to work on lesson planning and list making.

I went to talk to Heather and found out that we dont exactly know if were doing fall classes but we might still be able to just run enrichment programs in the afternoon. So I got to work making a plan for the next few weeks. That felt nice. I chilled in my hammock and wrote out my ideas and it was just a lot of fun for me.

And then I saw a deer! It was a baby! They ran down from the fort. It was great. Soon though it was the end of the day. After I met with Heather again, I went to help watch the kids over at thunderbird. I first through to grab my stuff and put it in the car, and then went to say thank you to Lindsy for watching Lani the rat, and take her home to Kim.

Once it was time to go home, Noah helped me carry Lani's cage to the car, and off we went.

I got home, and muscled two bags and the cage into the apartment. Had a weird interaction with an amazon driver. But whatever. I played animal crossing. Kim came down to get Lani. I got a package from my mom. Its a picnic blanket! Thank you mom!

I had dinner and Ive been just chilling since then. My head ache is easing. And I am going to go take a shower and wait for James to come home.

I am looking forward to work tomorrow. I hope you all have a great day too. I hope you all take care of eachother and are safe out there. Sleep well, goodnight!

3 notes · View notes

a-spoopy-bird · 4 years

Text

i um

yeah i wrote a naruto fanfic sue me. slight blood tw and hella angst because you know its ya boi

Naruto fell from the windowsill into Sasuke’s living room with a grunt. The only thought sustaining him was the need to get somewhere safe. The ground wasn’t safe. He could get kicked down here, or stomped, he had to get to somewhere safe.

With a heavy groan, he hauled himself to his sore feet, listing to the right before stumbling forward. His knees hit the arm of the couch and sent him sprawling onto it. Naruto groaned again, body aching everywhere, face throbbing.

He faintly heard someone click on a light and winced at it. Everything seemed to be coming from far away, like he had fallen down a well. A face swam in front of him. He instantly felt better, relaxing his sore muscles and melting into the couch slightly.

“Sas...uke…” He coughed wetly.

“You idiot, what happened?” Sasuke struggled to turn the blonde onto his back, hissing through his teeth when he inspected his face.

Naruto didn’t have the energy to cry out in pain. His eyes were sliding closed as Sasuke tried to get an answer out of him. A shake on his shoulder only jarred him back to reality so much.

“Naruto, who did this?” Sasuke’s voice was intense. His hand was gripping Naruto’s shoulder, the other on his phone. “Answer me, please, dammit!”

Naruto blinked sluggishly. Why wouldn’t Sasuke let him sleep? He was so tired, and everything hurts…

The hand on his shoulder started to shake, and Naruto faintly heard half of a conversation.

“Sakura? Are you busy? It’s Naruto, the idiot’s all busted up. No, he’s not responding. Yes, of course I tried! Yeah… yeah, alright. See you in a few.” Sasuke turned back to his boyfriend. “Help me out here, alright?”

Sasuke wound his arm under Naruto’s and hauled him up. “Jesus, how much do you weigh?” He groaned, stumbling towards the door.

Naruto’s head lolled and rested against Sasuke’s shoulder. He stared hazily at the ground, falling asleep. He faintly heard Sasuke talked, but it wasn’t relevant. His feet dragged against the ground, too tall for Saske to fully support.

“Naruto, I swear to god, come on, snap out of it.” Sasuke jostled him a little. No reaction. “Hey, idiot, come on.”

Sasuke swore, trying to hurry out the door, but Naruto was dead weight at this point. He dragged the beaten boy to Kakashi’s car, knowing the keys would be in the center console. He managed to get him buckled into the front seat, before getting into the driver's seat.

Sasuke jumped when his phone rang. He hastily answered it. “Hello?”

“Sasuke, where are you?”

“I just got this idiot into the car, on my way. He’s responding less now, I’m- I’m getting worried.” What an understatement. He was beyond worried. Naruto was the only person besides Kakashi who understood, who knew what it was like, who could comfort him. He was half-dead in the passenger seat.

“Listen to me. Get him here. We have the emergency room prepped. We contacted the police, they’ll let it slide if they see Kakashi’s car speeding.” Sakura informed him. “Get Naruto here, quick.” And with that, she hung up.

After gently turning off his phone, Sasuke slammed the palms of his hands against the steering wheel. Tears threatened to spill over. He gripped the steering wheel hard with his left hand before slamming his right against the steering wheel.

With a final, steadying deep breath, he jammed the keys into the ignition and started the car, pulling out of the driveway and out of the neighborhood. All along the fast and slightly illegal journey, he kept sneaking glances at Naruto. The blonde haired boy slumped against the window, nose gently trickling blood against the cold glass.

Sasuke pulled into the hospital parking lot, roughly yanking the key out of the ignition and rushing out of the car. Sakura and a team of people came out of the hospital with a gurney. Sasuke helped then situate him on the gurney, careful to work with them. Then, before he could process what was happening, Sakura had lead Naruto away, leaving him alone in the parking lot.

~~~

The waiting room wasn’t large- there were two other families here. Sasuke checked his watch- two in the morning. Was it really that late? Sasuke sat in one of the uncomfortable plush chairs, jogging his legs and massaging his knuckles. His mind bounced around, latching onto irrelevant facts and onto anything about Naruto.

“Sasuke?” Sakura had peeked her head out of the door. “Could you come back here for a moment?”

Sasuke stood up, the fog in his head lifting a little. It had to be about Naruto. Maybe he was alright? Just concussed? He didn’t let himself hope that. He knew he attracted bad luck- it was his fault if Naruto wasn’t all right. Naruto was so happy and fun and bright, and Sasuke was just the complete opposite. He was going to suck all the bright sun out of Naruto just by being around him, just like his mom and his dad and Itachi-

“Hey. Snap out of it.” Sakura’s fingers snapped a few times under his nose.

“I- sorry.”

“He won’t calm down, he’s scared of the nurses and doctors. We can’t hold him still enough to sedate him.” She explained. “And I- I can’t stand seeing my friend hurt like that.” She turned her head, hiding her shame.

Sasuke nodded. She slid her card through a lock on a door and opened it.

The sound reached him immediately. Wet, harsh sobs punctured the air, along with the sound of several people struggling. Sasuke hesitantly stepped into the room, and resisted the urge to recoil. Five nurses were trying to hold him down, but he was putting up a better fight than Sasuke had expected him to. Tears streamed out of his eyes as he kicked and struggled against them, hyperventilating. He struggled to talk, half formed words breaking his sobs.

“No! Don’t- please- Stop! No! Don’t- don’t- please-”

Sasuke quickly wound around the nurses and placed his hands on either side of the other boy’s face. “Hey, Naruto, look at me.”

He struggled harder, jerking his head out of Sasuke’s hands. “Stop, stop, no, please stop,” He rasped, coughing wetly.

Sasuke tried again, but without touching him. “Naruto, please. Look at me.”

Wild, wet blue eyes hesitantly locked with the cool black ones. He huffed and sniffled, glancing at the nurses periodically.

“Hey, it’s going to be okay. Can you breathe for me?” He coaxed gently.

Naruto breathed harder, not anymore even. He kept glancing back at the nurses, fear clear in his eyes.

“That’s right, babe. In, and out. It’s alright. They’re trying to help. Promise.” Sasuke offered a small smile.

“P-p-promise?” Naruto hiccupped, still trying to steady his breathing.

“Promise.”

A nurse readied the sedative, waiting for a good moment to use it.

“What- what’re they going to do? I- I don’t want- don’t-”

“Naruto. They’re just here to help. Sakura is in charge of them. You know she’d never, ever hurt you.”

“S-Sakura?”

Sasuke nodded. “They’re going to give you something to relax, alright? It’s going to be alright, you’re safe.”

Naruto relaxed slightly, still sniffling. He nodded. “O-okay.”

The nurse gently eased the IV into his arm, and they all backed away, their job done. Sakura came back in, relieved. Sasuke reached for Naruto’s hand, gently rubbing circles on the back of his hand with his thumb. The sedative slowly took affect, and Naruto was out within five minutes.

Sakura pulled Sasuke from the room, back into the hallway. “I didn’t get a chance to thoroughly examine him, but he’s pretty beat up, Sasuke.” Her eyes searched his. “What happened?”

Sasuke looked away, shrugging. “He sneaks to my house sometimes, he practically lives there. I heard him crash in tonight, and he was on my couch half-dead.” Sasuke paused. “Is he- is he going to be alright?”

Sakura sighed lightly. “Knowing Naruto, he’ll be fine. He’s come closer to dying than this. But it’ll probably be touch and go for a while. Do you know how he ended up like this?”

Sasuke started to shake his head when it dawned on him. By her expression, Sakura realized what it was too. “It’s October 10th.”

She nodded. “He was probably over in Konoha’s graveyard.”

Sasuke cursed. “How many times have we told that idiot not to- not to go alone?” His voice stuck for a second.

Sakura shook her head helplessly. “He’s Naruto. It’s something he’d do. Even knowing the people there hate his guts. It’s just who he is.” She turned and went back into the room, leaving Sasuke to figure out how to get back to the waiting room.

~~~

Kakashi was in the waiting room when Sasuke came back.

“Yo.”

Sasuke sat down heavily beside him. “How’d you know I was here?”

“Blood in the living room.”

Sasuke cringed slightly. “I’ll clean that up.”

“I already did. Was it Naruto?”

Sasuke nodded, clenching his hands together.

Kakashi checked his phone. “Went to see their graves?”

Sasuke nodded again, starting to jog his leg.

“Hey. That kid’s strong. He was strong enough to convince you off the brink. He can do this.”

Sasuke shook his head slightly. “He- he was almost in a panic attack. They had to call me back. I just- I’ve taken all the joy out of his life. This is my fault, I should’ve-”

“But you didn’t.” Kakashi interrupted. Sasuke’s head snapped up, glaring reproachfully at the white haired man. “Besides, Naruto has enough joy to go around. You know he’s glad to be in your life.”

Sasuke nodded and let it drop. There wasn’t any point in pushing it any further.

Kakashi pulled up the news app on his phone. “Looks like it was reported to the Konoha police. Figures, ever since leadership changed it’s been a disaster.”

Sasuke wasn’t paying attention. “I think I’m going to get some fresh air.” He stood up abruptly and half ran out the doors. He leaned heavily against the metal railing, feeling the cool October air chill his cheeks. He squeezed his hands into around the metal pipe, trying to stop them from shaking so badly. It didn’t matter what Kakashi said, he should’ve known Naruto would’ve tried something like this. He did every year when he was alone. Sasuke should’ve done something. He should’ve been with him, and he should’ve talked to him, and not just in his room eating shredded mozzarella cheese.

Kakashi walked out to join him, probably offer some words of half-baked wisdom again.

“Before you say a word, please, don’t.” Sasuke said voice shaking, his grip on the bar increasing.

Kakashi simply nodded and leaned against the railing, book in hand. For some reason that irritated Sasuke more. He bit the inside of his lip, trying to quiet the noise in his head so he didn’t scream at one of the few people close to him.

Kakashi looked up. “This is just as bad huh? Sorry, sorry, I’ll go now.” He closed his book with a snap and went back inside.

Sasuke sighed again, easing some of the tension out of his shoulders and releasing his lower lip from between his teeth. His hands shook when he detached them from the railing. Countless thoughts swirled through his head.

It’s your fault he’s in here, if you had been a better boyfriend, if you could’ve just been there for once, maybe this wouldn’t have happened, you filthy Uchiha, you aren’t even welcomed in Konoha just because of your stupid parents. Maybe if he killed you too this wouldn’t have happened. If you had died then Naruto wouldn’t be in the hospital right now, it’s all your fault Sasuke it’s all yOUR FAULT-

“Oi.” Kakashi’s familiar greeting shattered Sasuke’s spiral. He felt a hand firmly placed on his shoulder. “Breathe, kid.”

“I- I can’t,” He grit out. “I-it’s- it’s my fault, Kakashi, I-”

“Stop that.” He jostled Sasuke’s shoulder a bit. “It isn’t. He needs you here just as much as you need him. Who else would stop him from doing reckless stunts unsupervised?”

“But- but I-”

“You can’t save him every time, Sasuke. Life isn’t that simple.” Kakashi sighed, leaning against the railway beside him. “Listen, this time may be bad, but I’m confident he’ll recover. He’s had much worse.”

Sasuke would have laughed if he could remember how to breathe properly. He struggled to pull a full breath in. “I was- I was just eat- eating cheese, K-Ka-” He broke of, wheezing for breath.

His eyes began streaming when Kakashi held his inhaler in front his face. Hands shaking, Sasuke took it, desperately taking a puff. “Thanks,” He groaned once he could talk.

Kakashi shrugged. “Don’t be so hard on yourself, kid. It was what, two in the morning? You don’t have to be ready for everything all the time.”

They stood there for a long moment, each in their own thoughts, before going back into the waiting room.

~~~

Naruto was discharged the next morning. He was waiting at the receptionist’s desk when Kakashi woke Sasuke up.

He was there in an instant, quietly taking Naruto’s hand as he filled out forms with the other one. Naruto chuckled softly, rubbing the back of Sasuke’s hand gently. “I’m alright, Sas. Look, they even gave me free merch.” He joked, showing off his hospital tags.

Sasuke just stared before saying, “I equally want to kiss and punch you right now, dick.”

Naruto laughed again. “I’ve reached my punch allowance for the month, Sasuke. You gotta wait until November now.” His face stayed in the same carefully constructed, optimistic half-smirk he wore so often, but Sasuke knew different.

“Fine. I guess you’ll just get your ass kicked again in a few weeks. Better work to pay your hospital bills.”

At a concerned look from the secretary, Naruto jumped to explain. “Oh- oh no, he didn’t do this, don’t worry. We love each other very much.” He grinned widely, throwing his arm around Sasuke’s shoulders.

Sasuke’s worry and anger seemed to lessen as he watched Naruto spew actual sunlight.

That didn’t mean it was gone for good.

“Sooo. Naruto.” Sakura was waiting in the parking lot.

Naruto’s eyes widened, and he turned around, looking for a way out. Not finding one, he slowly turned back around to face her. “Hi, Sakura.” He grinned nervously.

She tapped her foot angrily. “What. The hell. Were you thinking.”

“Ha, you see, Sakura, I was-”

“Can it, off-brand Goku!” He recoiled slightly, the excuse dying in his mouth. “If you weren’t already beaten up so badly I would literally murder you right now.”

“Hey, Sakura, don’t you think that’s a bit intense?” Kakashi said from where he was leaning against the car. He peaked out from behind his book. “Besides, Sasuke and I already have first punching dibs. Get in line, kiddo.”

Sakura sulked for another moment. “I gotta get back to work. Naruto, if you do anything else stupid this month, I won’t hesitate to break your arms.” And with that, she stormed back into the building.

“Guess I have to break your ribs.” Sasuke remarked calmly, ducking into the passenger seat.

“Konoha beat you to it- fuck.” Naruto realized his slip up a little late.

“We been knew, Nards.” Sasuke said saltily.

“Hey wait! Why do you get the front seat?”

“You got it on the way here, idiot.”

“Don’t remember! Didn’t happen!” Naruto said, getting into the backseat.

“You probably don’t remember falling onto my couch at two a.m half dead but here we are.” Kakashi remarked simply.

Naruto shut up and sulked the rest of the way back to the house.

~~~

“Explain.”

He sat at the kitchen table, fiddling with the bandage on his left hand. “Guess I can’t really plead the fifth here, huh?” He felt hot shame and guilt eating away at his stomach. Which was fine. Nothing he couldn’t hide easily.

“Obviously.” Sasuke was not impressed by Naruto’s stab at humor. “Why in God’s name would you go there? Especially on your birthday!”

Naruto blinked in surprise. “Y-you remembered?”

Sasuke rolled his eyes. “Of course I remembered, it’s your birthday, why wouldn’t I?”

He fiddled with the bandage some more. “No one else really did, ya know?”

Sasuke sighed. “Yeah, well, I did. Happy seventeenth or whatever.”

“That’s gay. Anyways, you still have to explain yourself.” Kakashi said from his corner.

Naruto looked at his hands. “Just- I wanted to see them, ya know? I don’t care what they think, they’re my parents, not theirs. I- I should be able to visit them peacefully without being chased down, ya know? It’s not- it’s not like I’m doing anything wrong, I just wanted- just wanted to clean off the headstones.”

Sasuke reached his hand across the table. Naruto reached out to take it, but Sasuke slapped the back of his hand.

“Hey! What was that for?” He yelped, pulling it away.

“For being an idiot! How many times have we told you to not go to Konoha? Especially on the tenth!” Sasuke took a deep breath in. “I’m glad your not dead.”

“Yeah, me too.” He said saltily. “Man, why are old people so mean?” He whined.

“Maybe you’re just weak.”

“Sasuke I’ll- ouch!” Naruto had jumped up and disturbed his healing ribs.

“Don’t hurt yourself anymore, idiot!” Sasuke got up to look at his bandages.

“No, no, I’m good, just moved wrong.”

“If you’re shitting me I won’t hesitate to fully break your nose.”

“Oh, it’d be a lot scarier if you had just gotten beat up by old people with sticks and rocks.” He snarked.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. “They beat you, Naruto Uzumaki, parkour expert and self proclaimed ninja, with sticks and rocks?”

“I can’t hit old people!”

“But you hit Kakashi the other day!”

“Stop. I’m not old. And if you two are gonna be this grossly in love, take it to your room. I don’t wanna see it.” Kakashi interrupted, pulling out his book.

“Still, if you ever go to Konoha alone I won’t hesitate to eat your eyebrows and steal your eyeliner.” Sasuke said before grabbing his boyfriend’s hands and tugging him upstairs.

“Gasp! Not my eyeliner!”

#sns #sasunaru #angst #angst fic #slight blood tw #slight blood #blood tw #blood #idk bro #naruto #naruto uzumaki #sasuke uchiya #kakashi hatake #sakura hanuro #i think idk #it my first naruto fanfic #and the idea hit me like a b u s #bc ive been in writers blockkk

15 notes · View notes

lovemesomesurveys · 5 years

Text

What is your party trick? I don’t have any. What are you listening to currently? An ASMR video. Do you ever talk to yourself? I call it thinking out loud, but yeah. It helps sort out my thoughts and get a clearer picture. My brain is a jumbled mess. Do you still have any old clothes that you used to wear when you were a kid? No. Do you prefer bright or muted colours? Muted. Can you roll your tongue? Nope.

Are you a light weight when it comes to alcohol? Yeah I was. Which accents can you emulate pretty well? None. How loud do you listen to music? Uhh I don’t know. Loud enough. Which song has the biggest play count on your computer? (How many plays?) I use Spotify on my phone to listen to music. Do people ever tell you to just loosen up? Yes. Or “chill out” and “calm down.” I actually really hate being told those things. Do you act like it’s the end of the world even if you’re just slightly ill? No. I have dealt with health issues all my life and just not feeling well a lot of the time. I feel really shitty a lot of the time. What was the longest time you’ve had the hiccups for? I’m not sure, but it feels like forever when I have them because they’re so annoying. Do you think you’re good at giving advice? I used to be the one people would come to for advice, but definitely not anymore. Are you more awkward talking to people in real life or online? In real life, definitely. I mean, I’m still awkward online, but at least I have time to think about what I want to say first. What’s worse: Ear ache or tooth ache? I’ve only experienced toothaches, and they’re horrible. What type of TV shows are your favourite? I have a few favorites. Do you think you’ll ever manage to do everything you want to? I don’t even know what I want to do. What do you fear most? Losing my loved ones, never getting better/getting worse, never doing anything with my life... Do you wear shoes around the house? No. Name something you associate with someone / thing you hate. Uhh. Do you bruise easily? Yeah. Have you ever bought pre-ripped jeans? No. Are you a good driver? If you can’t drive yet, do you think you’ll be good? I feel like I’d be too anxious and just probably shouldn’t drive. What is / was your favourite thing about school? (If anything. :P) I mean, I liked the learning part of it overall and some of the projects/assignments/reading that was of interest to me. High school had its ups and downs. I liked the pep rallies and assemblies that we had. In college I was apart of a psychology club, I served as a board member and it was a lot of fun. We took a lot of cool trips, too. Looking back now I can say there were parts I liked about school, but while going through it I was stressed and overwhelmed and I would get burnt out really easily. Many late nights, many tears. Dealt with big health stuff along the way. My last year of college was a real struggle, I just wanted to quit and be done. I managed to push through and I finished, but yeah it was rough. Funny that I can look back now a few years later and say there were parts that I liked haha. Oh, and there’s also the fact that at least I was doing something with my life and I felt productive at the time. What are you most likely to spend money on? Clothes, particularly graphic Ts. Have you ever been a complete fangirl / fanboy over anything? Yep I’ve been like that since middle school. What’s the weirdest way you’ve ever heard somebody die of? Uhh. Do your nails need cut? Ha, no. I take care of that on the daily. They’re barely there. When was the last time you (dis)liked someone without really knowing them? Hmm.

Are there any movies coming out that you really want to see? It Chapter 2 was the most recent one I was excited about. I want to see it again! I don’t think there’s anything else that I’m really excited about until Rise of Skywalker in December. Do you think you’ll ever get married? No. How did you get one of your scars? Okay let’s go over all the scars I have doesn’t that sound fun? lol. I have a lot of scars, most of which are from surgeries, like the one down half my stomach and one all down my back. Some on my left side where they had to take some of my rib to use for something else. My left thigh has a few from past pressure sores and a big one from a surgical procedure called a “flap.” I have a few from spilling something hot on myself or placing a hot plate/hot cup on my lap/between my legs (I’m a paraplegic and I’ve done stuff like that in the past without thinking). The coffee incident was recent-ish, too. :/ I have a few little ones on my arms and hands from IV insertions, one on one of my right knuckles from burning myself with a straightener. I have a tiny scar on my nose from chicken pox. I have a little round one above both eyebrows from having to wear this thing called a “halo” after one of my spinal surgeries. My left leg has a lead mark from a pencil mark as a kid. My left knee has a round one on each side from a stint or something I had to have in my leg after a surgery. I’m sure there’s more I’m forgetting. When was the last time you wore a mask? What did it look like? I’ve worn one for years. What was the last thing you took a photograph of? My doggo. In childhood, were most of your friends male or female? Female. Have you ever been to a protest? No. Do you hate how, when the public like a celebrity, they overpublicise them? Eh. I admit to being into the celebrity and entertainment world stuff. If it’s a celebrity I don’t really like then yeah it’s annoying. haha. Are you afraid of the dark? I sleep with my TV on for some light and sound because of that. I can’t have it completely dark or silent. What time do you usually eat dinner at? 8ish. Where did you last stay overnight other than your house? A hotel. How often is your computer on mute? I don’t watch a lot of videos on my laptop, so I guess most of the time. Do you name inanimate objects? Which ones? I have. Are you jealous of loved up couples when you’re single? I think people tend to confuse jealousy and envy. Anyway, I may feel a bit envious sometimes and I think that I’ll never experience that, but for now it’s best that I’m single. It works for me for now. What was your last dream about? Random shit as usual. If you have an iPod, what did you call it when you registered it? I probably called it Steph’s iPod or something. I haven’t used my iPod in yearssss. What do you do when you’re stressed out? Shut down? When was the last time you sneezed? I don’t remember. What comes up on your recommended list on YouTube? ASMR videos mostly. The shoes you wore today: What do they look like? I haven’t worn any today.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

1 note · View note

omyeol · 6 years

Text

three words - iv

word count: 4,748

genre: fluff, angst

All you saw every time you close your eyes was blood and the broken pieces of glass scattered along the road. The blurry vision of your brother’s twitching hand seemed much more like a dream as you tried to blink your eyes every now and then to keep yourself awake. Trying to move your head to see him was something you couldn’t do, since every inch of your body was aching and felt heavy to move. You were also aware of the bloody taste in her mouth when you were about to say something, it only made you choke.

Everything hurt so badly and you wondered how bad your brother might feel too. Other than the twitching of his fingers, you could only hear his whimpers, the crushing of glass, and the siren sound of ambulance or police—you weren’t sure—that seemed so far away. As another second passed, it seemed like the blood had seemed to disperse to the whole car.

Shutting your eyes for a moment and taking a deep breath—although it hurt so bad—you felt like someone had gotten a hold of your body and pull you out from the wreckage. The wind washed over your body as you felt your body was placed on something solid and you were so overwhelmed—there were faces you didn’t recognized, many voices overlapping one another, somebody flashing a light over your eyes, and somehow you felt like someone had torn your shirt—but despite all of that, the only thing that could run through your mind was your brother, if your brother had also gotten the same help too.

Everything happened too fast and was in a blur for you. Drifting in and out of consciousness and feeling so helpless in the ambulance, you wanted to ask everyone, someone about your brother, but you couldn’t. You couldn’t with the tube placed in your mouth and the cables they’re putting on your body. You had zero energy to do anything and you wished that someone could read your mind and give you answer about your brother. It was so suffocating.

The first familiar face you could make out was your assigned doctor in the ER. You couldn’t remember his name, but remembering his face was enough in this situation. It was enough to let a tiny bit of relief to wash over you and the tears roll down to your cheeks. Everything was overwhelming, hectic, and hurt, and you wished it was all just dream. But the aches that you felt all over your body and the blood in your hands felt much too real for you.

“Hey, hey, I got you,” the doctor spoke, before giving orders left and right to other nurses that crowded around you. You could vaguely hear him telling you to remain calm and that he would help you as he checked you and treated your injuries. His words fell on deaf ears, though, and you couldn’t even do anything when the light above your head seemed to look smaller and blurrier every time you blinked, until all you could see was black.

Waking up on a very sunny Sunday morning had its ups and downs. One of the ups was if you had planned to do laundry, the clothes would dry in a pretty short amount of time, and one of the downs would be you would be too lazy to move out of the bed and go out because it was too hot outside. You couldn’t imagine having to commute and walking under that sun, especially when you had things to do.

Too bad whether you liked it or not, you still had to roll out of the bed and prepare your day, no matter how comfy it was and how good it’d be to stay in bed or just stay in your apartment where the air con was on full blast.

“Where are you going?” Looking back over your shoulder, Baekhyun grabbed a hold of your hand, holding you back from leaving the warmth of his bed. Even without his hold on your hand, you already found it hard to leave his bed, especially when he’s looking at you with sleepy eyes and a slight pout on his face like that. All you wanted was to lie in bed with him until you’re both forced to leave because of hunger, but as much as you wanted that, you couldn’t.

“I have things to do, Baek,” you reply him in a small voice, not wanting to ruin the silence in the room. It wasn’t necessarily a lie, though. You really did have things to do for the day—laundry, lunch with Somin and Sehun, and also visiting your brother. So, yeah, you actually did have things to do other than dealing with him.

“What things?” he pressed, whining a little bit at you. “Just stay here for five more minutes.” The longer you stared at him, the more you contemplated, and the harder his pout worked on you.

“Fine,” you breathed out. Well, you supposed you could lay down for five more minutes.

As usual, it was quiet for a moment between the two of you. This was how mornings usually went by between the two of you. Baekhyun didn’t say much when he was just awoken, so it was always nice to enjoy a few minutes of silence with him before you had to put up with constant chattering and singing around the house.

Baekhyun rolled over, scooting closer to you and draping his arm casually on top of your stomach. You could feel his eyes on you as you laid on your back with one hand on your stomach and the other on your side, staring at the ceiling and trying your hardest to turn your head and look back on him. It was painfully hard, since all you wanted was to be lost in his eyes, and you didn’t know how long he did that until he leaned closer to you, nuzzling his head into the crook of your neck and inhaling your scent deeply.

It was too quiet and you felt like the air around you both had shifted, so you blurted the first thing you could think of. “I’m visiting my brother later.” You felt Baekhyun pulling away from your neck and moving back to his previous position. “It’s his death anniversary today,” you spoke in small words, still not quite believing that it had been three years since his death, since you met Baekhyun and broke down in your hospital ward with him by your side while your family took care of the funeral.

“Do you want me to drive you?” This time you turned your head to face him. Baekhyun was already looking at you with his sleepy eyes, his soft hair covering most of his forehead, and your hands were itchy, wanting to push his hair back and press a kiss on his forehead. But you couldn’t.

“Don’t you have an afternoon shift today?” You questioned and he drifted his gaze away from you, moving his hand to take yours in his and stroking the back of your hand softly.

“Well, I do,” he murmured, “but we can go now if you like? I could shower in only five minutes—”

“You can’t,” you muttered under your breath with a chuckle.

“—and we could get food later from a drive-thru. So, McDonald’s? It’s been a long time—”

“Baekhyun, it’s okay,” you cut him from sputtering off more nonsense. He frowned and shook his head faintly at you. “No, seriously. I have lunch with my friends later, so I’ll just go with them. It’s fine.”

“But it’s always been—”

“Look, you’re not my boyfriend, so you don’t have to beat yourself up about it, okay?” You really didn’t mean to snap the words at him, but you just kind of did. Baekhyun was taken aback by your words and you could see how his lips were slightly turned down and the creases on his forehead became more prominent as he frowned. “We’re just friends, we’re not obligated to do everything together. You’re not obligated to accompany me to these things.”

The way he rolled his eyes and scoffed at your words made you feel like you just got stung by your own words. He pulled his hand back from yours, leaving your hand feel cold without his touch. “This isn’t just these things. It’s your brother’s death anniversary and I told you before that I’d come with you every time you visit him, right?” His voice raised a little bit and the corner of his lips tugged up a little bit in a bitter smile. Giving you one last look, he rolled off the bed and walked towards his dresser.

“Well, yeah, but you have a shift this afternoon, and I have lunch with Somin and Sehun, so it’s not like we can do something about it. I can go with them, and you can go by yourself, and we’ll just see each other tonight at home,” you explained to his back, sitting up on his bed as he opened his dresser and grabbed the first shirt he could see—it was light blue stripes shirt, the one you bought him on impulse when you went on a trip to Osaka with your sister last year.

“I just meant that it would be nice to go together, you know,” he spoke, this time his voice had a little edge and chilling to it, you were uneasy that he would say something that broke you even more. “God knows you always need my moral support. You know you can’t function well without me when it comes to this kind of situation.” Baekhyun had said a lot of shit in the past—you knew that—but this one hurt.

You felt like your heart had stopped beating for a second when the words came out of his mouth. The way those words slithered out of his mouth in the chilling tone—the one that he used when he was mad—made you feel incredibly attacked. His words hurt you, it felt like he just jabbed you straight in the heart with it, even though you knew he probably didn’t mean it; that he did it to get back at you. The gears in your brain had started to work hard trying to come up with something, but Baekhyun beat you to it. “I thought us going together is a tradition, but apparently not.” You watched as he turned around, holding the shirt in his hand, and looked at you without a hint of emotion that you could read across on his face. “Just go ahead and drink with them too while you’re at it.”

Raising your eyebrows at his challenge, the corner of your lips tugged to the side, forming a smirk. “Okay, then. Don’t wait up for me tonight.” He didn’t say anything as he watched you roll out of his bed and walk out of his room, leaving him still standing by his dresser. You could feel your heart pounding strongly against your rib cage that you had to give yourself a second to shut your eyes and take a few deep breaths, your hands gripping the edge of the counter in the kitchen.

It was too late to realize, but you noticed that you were channeling the fury inside of you into gripping the edge of the counter as tightly as you could until your grip turned white. The quietness inside the apartment didn’t help your already over-thinking brain and over-sensitive heart that made you want to say hurtful things to Baekhyun too. But your train of thought was disturbed by the sound of the slamming door that came from Baekhyun’s room—the sound that you knew all too well. The sound somehow made you think if this time things would only get worse with Baekhyun.

Lunch with Somin and Sehun proved to be a disaster.

Well, Somin and Sehun were quite a combination to begin with, but you didn’t expect that you would be spending the whole lunch talking about the blind date Somin went to on last Friday night. Of course, it was expected from Somin to gossip this much, but what you didn’t expect was when she told you that the man from her blind date was Park Chanyeol. You actually choked on your smoked salmon when she told you that. Sehun, being as sweet as always, handed you your drink and patted your back softly, helping you calm down from your coughing fit.

“Oh my gosh,” Somin breathed out a beat too late, her eyes wide staring at you trying to calm down from your coughing fit. “I didn’t know he’s your ex. I’m sorry!” Taking another gulp of your drink and placing the glass down on the table, you shook your head faintly and waved your hand dismissively at her.

“It’s okay, really,” you reassured her once you had finally calmed down. “Don’t think too much about it, though. It’s in the past.”

“I’m really sorry. I swear I really didn’t know he’s your ex.” You could just smile as you watched Somin looking plain worried and apologetic.

“Of course you didn’t know, I’ve never talked to you about it.” From beside you Sehun was watching with pure interest. Ever the youngest, he always thrived for gossip like that. He might not seem like it—like Jongin—but he did. “We dated briefly during college and it didn’t work out.” You shrugged like it was no big deal.

“So, he was the one you dated before Baekhyun?” Sehun quipped from beside you, causing Somin to turn and look at him with widened eyes while you looked at him with squinted eyes. Although you were grateful that he managed to change the subject, you questioned yourself why he had to mention Baekhyun. “Oh, you didn’t know either?” Sehun feigned innocence. This kid, I swear to God, you thought to yourself as you took another sip of your drink.

The hustle bustle of the crowded restaurant wasn’t enough to silence out your overworked brain, and Somin’s question about Baekhyun.”Ahh, is this the man who sent you the flowers? On your first day back? So the flowers was from your boyfriend?”

The way Somin stared at you expectantly and Sehun with a mischievous glint in his eyes, you couldn’t lie. “Yes, the flowers were from him, and no, he is not my boyfriend.” Somin didn’t look like she believed your words, judging from the way she wiggled her eyebrows at you.

“Yeah, right, then who gave you those hickeys on your neck?” Your hand impulsively went to that one spot on your neck, the one that you were sure you had covered up before you left earlier. Seeing this, the two laughed at you while you were busy unlocking your phone and checking your reflection using the camera app on your find, only to find out that the marks weren’t visible at all.

“You two are going to be the death of me, I swear.” Hearing this, Somin and Sehun just high-fived each other and laughed at the horrified look across your face. You could only shake your head in disbelief at them, not quite believing that you just went straight into their trap.

The three of you resumed your lunch in good mood. After previously receiving the ‘okay’ from you about seeing Chanyeol, Somin continued to ask you about how Chanyeol was when in college. Although it still felt a bit weird in your part, you only told her the good things, which she naturally appreciated. Only meeting Chanyeol twice so far, it was clear to see that Somin was smitten with him. Also from the way she talked about it, it seemed like he had changed for the better.

The whole thing with Somin dating Chanyeol—the guy who messed your heart up pretty badly in the past was actually pretty weird. You didn’t think when it ended between you and Chanyeol, he would somehow wriggled his way into your life one way or another, let alone that he would be associated with someone you’re close with. Despite how weird the situation was, you could only wish that this time Chanyeol didn’t break Somin like he did to you in the past, hoping that this time he really changed for good.

“Should we get going now?” Sehun asked once you all had finished your food, hinting about going to visit your brother. When you arrived at the restaurant earlier, you had asked him to drive you to the crematorium. Honestly, you thought he would decline or even ask questions—because you knew how Sehun could be sometimes—but much to your surprise, he willingly agreed without you having to make a deal for anything—although you had told him beforehand that you would gladly buy him dinner later.

I thought us going together is a tradition, but apparently not, kept ringing in your ears as Sehun drove the whole way—and dropped Somin home along the way. You hated to admit it, but you had to admit that it was weird. This would be the first time you visiting your brother by yourself. It really was a tradition visiting your brother with Baekhyun. In the past few times, you didn’t even go with your sister or your mother. Going with your family brought an unnecessary amount of burden to you, since you had to pretend that you weren’t still a little bit pissed at them for leaving you alone in the hospital that day, for making you to deal with all the pain by yourself without any support from them. While you could somehow understand why they did what they did, they still didn’t even bother. They didn’t come and visit you in your hospital ward for a few days while they were busy handling all the funeral, all you got was a brief phone call in those few days, and you couldn’t even say what you wanted to say to them. All you wanted was just an hour or a few with them—so you could talk and mourn together—but you got nothing. Even when they finally came to see you, they didn’t even want to talk about it, they acted like the past few days didn’t happen. The way they completely disregarded your feelings made you feel completely worthless, like you really didn’t mean anything to them.

Even when you thought about it these days, you could still feel your heart ache and a significant amount of anger flickered inside of you because of that. Truly, you felt like you wouldn’t have managed to get through it if Baekhyun wasn’t around that time. Although your brother and he weren’t even close in the past, he could sympathize with you. He could spare a few hours of his time to make sure that you were okay, and he was actually willing to help you mourn. He actually went out of his way to hold you and urge you to let it all out, not to bottle it up for yourself. Despite the fact that you had only seen him a couple of time before—and you couldn’t even remember if you had talked to him that much in the past—he was there to help you when your family got a bit too busy with the funeral and disregarded you because of it. Baekhyun had really helped you a lot, and the impact that he had on you from that time sometimes made you think if you were able to cope with it if he wasn’t around.

That’s why it was weird. It was so fucking weird to visit your brother and not have Baekhyun with you. It felt weird because this time you didn’t have a shoulder to cry on and a hand to hold as you stood in front of him. It felt sorrowful because this time, he wasn’t there to hold you to his chest when you got overwhelmed that you couldn’t help but cry again. You kind of wanted to blame yourself for what happened this morning, about how the conversation turned out, and suddenly you thought of ways it could turn in a good way, only if you weren’t so agitated with him and he wasn’t so quick into trying to bite back at you. If only both of you were a little calm, it wouldn’t turn out this way. But you realized that those kind-of conversations would happen sooner or later, and no matter what, you still had to deal with it.

The sudden realization of having to face situation alone made you stay for such a short time. It wasn’t even for more than fifteen minutes, and that was the shortest time you had ever spent there. You could feel the stare of other people who happened to be in the same room as you made your way hurriedly out of the room. The air felt suffocating around you, and the sound of your shoes against the floor was the only thing you could focus on as you walked towards the exit door. It got a little better when you could finally breathe in the fresh air.

“You’re done already? That was fast,” Sehun commented when you got back to the car. He was scrolling through something in his phone and when he saw you getting in the car, he put his phone aside and started the car.

“No reason to stay for a long time,” you explained shortly as you buckled up. You could feel your hands become sweaty as you curled and uncurled your fist, even trying to wipe the sweat on your jeans.

“Do you usually go alone?”

“No, usually I go with Baekhyun.” His name tasted unusually bitter on your lips, like what happened the previous night and this morning had something to do with it. “But we can’t today, for some reasons.”

“Trouble in paradise?” Sehun was naturally a curious person—you found that out long ago when he started as an intern in the company and you were his assigned mentor—and it was one of the good traits of him, but only if it’s in the office. While you could be a little mean and ignore his question, you couldn’t. Not when he already drove you to the outskirts of the town to do something that didn’t even take more than fifteen minutes.

“What paradise?” You tried to appear nonchalant, like that question didn’t spark a little bit of annoyance in you, but guessing from the side eye he gave as he drove, you knew he wasn’t buying it. So, you tried to change the subject. “Let’s have dinner first. My treat.”

He chuckled and turned his head for a second to glance at you, raising his eyebrows and scoffing in disbelief. “Why are you suddenly generous?”

You couldn’t help but smack his arm, which he replied with a groan. “If you don’t want to, you can just say so.”

“I’m not that crazy to turn that down.” You chuckled.

“Should we have samgyeopsal from the restaurant near the office?” You suggested, thankful that Sehun took the bait and didn’t make further comments about Baekhyun. You were blessed with the fact that it was easy to distract him with a mention of food. Only if this method could apply to everyone, though.

“Noona, I think you should slow down a little bit.” If you counted, that was the fifth time Sehun said that in the past two hours. If you thought about it, it was nice of him to keep reminding you as you took another shot of soju. And if you were a bit sober, you would actually listen to him and slow down.

“Pfft. Why should I?” You poured the soju into your glass once again, but before it was full, Sehun snatched the bottle out of your hand. Letting out a whine at him, you ran your hand across your face and propped your elbow on the table, leaning your head against it and trying your best to flash a pout and blink your eyes innocently at him.

“You’ve been drinking nonstop. Slow down a little,” Sehun reminded you once again as he placed the soju bottle down near his glass. Having to drive you home later, he had only been drinking cola and ice tea—being the responsible adult he was, unlike you.

��Why should I?” You repeated, straightening up in your seat and trying to reach for the soju bottle once again, but to no avail because he moved the bottle before you could reach for it. “Baekhyun never tells me to stop. Be like Baekhyun.”

“Then why don’t you drink with Baekhyun?”

Hearing his question, your mood instantly deflated. “I want to, but we got in a fight this morning.” This time, you leaned forward across the table and snatched the bottle successfully from his hand. With a drunken smile across your face, you poured the remaining soju into your glass until the last drop and took a few sips of it. “He is annoying. Really, really annoying. But I also really, really like him. Why do I like him so much? He doesn’t even like me, he only wants to sleep with me. Sehun, don’t be like Baekhyun, okay?”

“I’m just going to be Sehun, okay? How’s that sound?” You nodded.

“Good. Sehun is good.” With a determined smile, you took another piece of meat from the grill and dipped it into the sauce before placing it into your mouth. You hummed delightfully at the taste. Meat and soju were really the best combination, and the best thing you could ever have. It could come to the first on your list, if you weren’t getting good orgasms every now and then.

“Noona, your phone’s ringing again. Why don’t you answer it?” He nodded at your vibrating phone on the table. You noticed it had been going for about an hour now, getting text messages you didn’t bother to read and phone calls that you didn’t even want to answer. Especially when you saw Baekhyun’s name flashing across the phone screen. Why couldn’t he just take the hint already?

“No, I don’t want to talk to Baekhyun,” you answered stubbornly as you took another piece of meat and put it into your mouth, munching it away happily and humming at the taste.

“Fine, I’ll answer it, then.” Your eyes widened at his words, but before you could reach for your phone, he got to your phone first. Another stomp of your foot and another whine out of your mouth, you leaned across the table and tried to take the phone away from him, but he already swiped on the screen and pressed the phone onto his ear.

“Nooo, give it back.” Sehun said a few ‘hello’s to the phone as you tried to get a hold of his hand, but to no avail because he kept leaning away from you and grabbed a hold of your grabby hands. “Hunie, nooo.”

“Okay, that’s enough for tonight. Let’s go home,” he spoke as he ended the call and placed your phone back on the table. You shook your head at his words. No, you couldn’t go home just yet. The night was still young, and you hadn’t drunken much alcohol. Four bottles were definitely not enough, you still needed to get two more.

“No, I still need to drink two more bottles,” you complained, shaking your head at him.

He sighed, looking around the restaurant as if he was trying to call for help. “I think four bottles are enough.”

“But I usually drink more on a day like this!” Sehun flinched at your slightly raised voice, and you could smile sheepishly. “How about one more?” He placed his chopsticks down and stared at you, which you used the moment to jut your lower lip out into an exaggerated pout and bat your eyelashes until he cracked.

“Fine,” he breathed out in defeat and you brightened up, clapping to yourself for a successful attempt. “One more and we’re leaving, okay?” You nodded happily, not paying him attention as you drank the remaining alcohol in your glass, not even caring because as long as you got your fix of alcohol, it would be enough.

#exo fanfic #exo scenario #exo fluff #exo angst #exo au #three words #exo fan fiction #exo x reader #baekhyun fanfic #baekhyun scenario #baekhyun fluff #baekhyun angst #baekhyun au #baekhyun x reader #baekhyun fan fiction #now that i finally allow messages from anon again PLS LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT THIS #WE'RE ALREADY HALFWAY THROUGH THE STORY YEAYYYY

166 notes · View notes

Last Seen Blogs

sakami29

meena ♡

baeyeonsei

ᴘᴇᴇᴋ-ᴀ-ʙᴏᴏ!

poesiar0ta

lesbienneanarchiste

and whatever walked there, walked alone

guitarsolosmakemefeellthings

just a lil goblin