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hbyrde36 · 1 year

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Steddie Week Day 3

Woo! All caught up now ao3

Read Part 1 here / Part 2 here

Thank God we didn't peak in High School - Part 3

Prompt: First Kiss

very light smut

Eddie was struggling. Six o’clock in the morning was too early for any human being to have to be awake, let alone be AT work by. He hated opening shifts and only agreed to those he knew he’d be sharing with Steve. The store was slow during the early hours and it usually meant they had more time to hang out. If Steve did get busy, then at least Eddie had someone pretty to ogle as the other boy hustled back and forth through the store.

Neither of those things were happening today. He had seen Steve exactly once since he clocked in. They passed each other in the hall as Eddie was coming out of the break room. They locked eyes for a moment, nodded at each other, and went their separate ways. Eddie tried not to take it personally. Steve looked terrible, which made sense considering, well, everything.

Somehow, someway, Eddie made it through the day. He got busy enough for a while there that he hadn’t had the time to even think about Steve. It all came rushing back, however, as they stood next to each other at the time clock.

Eddie wasn’t sure what to do. He desperately wanted to talk to Steve, but wasn’t sure what he should say. He also didn’t know if the guy wanted to be bothered right now, likely all he wanted to do was take a nap.

Steve cleared his throat, snapping Eddie out of it and realizing he’d just been staring into space for a moment there.

“Hey, uh thanks for the ride home last night”

“Oh, yeah, no problem. I wasn’t sure you’d remember” Eddie said with a smile.

Steve blushed furiously “I don’t actually but um, Robin told me.”

Well that settled that. “It’s fine really, we’ve all been there.” Eddie reassured him.

“I kinda left my car at the bar last night, do you think you could give me a ride over there?”

“Sure!”

The trip back to the bar was much less quiet than the one they had taken last night. Both of them were still exhausted so the conversation wasn’t as animated as it might have been otherwise, but they fell into their usual banter with ease. It was nice after the somewhat awkward greeting this morning.

What hadn’t come up of course was the Nancy situation. When they reached Steve's car without him bringing the subject up, Eddie figured he’d have to.

“So, I'm sorry if this is going to make you feel awkward but I have to tell you something.”

Steve visibly stiffened and Eddie immediately regretted bringing this up but, best to just plow through it now.

“I don’t know if you remember but Nancy came over to talk to me and Robin before she left last night. She sorta told us what happened and I just wanted you to know that I'm here for you. Robin too, okay? If you need anything or if you want to talk about it. Whatever you need. I’m sorry if it was weird that she told us but I wanted you to know.”

“Oh. That.. that’s really nice of you to offer. Thank you. I don’t know how I feel about her telling you but it’s out there now. I’m sort of still processing it all to be honest.”

“I understand.”

Eddie went home and promptly passed out. Which wound up being a mistake as he didn’t wake up again until almost 9pm. That’s what he gets for taking a nap without setting an alarm. Nap roulette will get you every time.

He flipped his phone over, figuring there'd be a message from Wayne since he slept right through dinner only to find a string of texts from Steve instead.

7:03 Steve: Hey man I’m sorry to bother you again today but I was thinking about taking you up on your offer

7:15 Steve: To talk I mean

7:22 Steve: Could I come over? Or you can come here if you want…

7:45 Steve: I’m sorry you’re probably busy with your uncle. Don’t worry about it I'll see you at work tomorrow

Oh shit, how didn’t he hear these messages come through!

8:51 Eddie: Omg i’m sorry Steve I fell asleep and my phone must have been on silent. I can come over, if you still want me to?

8:51 Steve: Yea thanks. That would be nice

8:52 Eddie: I’ll be there in a few!

When Steve answered the door it was clear he had been drinking again. Eddie was no role model for healthy coping mechanisms, so he certainly wasn’t going to judge. He also wasn’t going to turn a beer down when it was offered to him.

They sat there in silence for a while, Eddie determined not to be the one to break it. Let Steve be the one to talk or not talk about whatever he wanted. Eddie was halfway through his second beer when Steve finally found his voice.

“When you said Nancy told you about what happened, does that mean she told you about…”

“Jonathan?”

“Yea”

“Yea, she did. That’s fucked up man. I’m sorry.”

“I just don’t understand it. I thought we were in love, I thought we were happy. Why did she agree to marry me if she didn’t want this anymore?”

Something must have flashed on Eddie’s face, though he tried to remain neutral and sympathetic.

“Oh god, what else did she say?”

“That you guys weren’t happy. Hadn’t been for a while” Eddie replied, wincing. It sounded just as shitty now as when Nancy had said it herself last night.

Steve groaned. “She told me that too. The thing is, I WAS happy. At least I thought I was, and I thought she was too. I mean, was I lying to myself? Is this my fault, did I miss something?

“Woah woah Stevie, I'm gonna stop you right there. No matter what, this is not your fault, OK? If she wasn't happy, well, that is what it is but she should have had the decency to break it off with you before getting involved with someone else. Don't let her convince you that you weren’t happy either, she’s just saying that to make herself feel better, I'm sure.”

“We were together for so long, I don't know what to do with myself now.”

“You’ll be alright. It’ll take time but you’ll be alright. I promise.”

“Thanks man. You’re a really good friend”

Things are a bit lighter after that. Steve seems to feel like he's gotten some of the weight off his chest and Eddie is just happy that he could help. They keep drinking and watching horror movies until suddenly it’s 3 in the morning and they’re both pretty drunk.

They’re half asleep sitting up and it's obvious that Eddie won’t be driving home tonight. He’s already resigned himself to spending the night on the couch when Steve asks the question that changes things between them forever.

“Would you want to stay over?” Steve asked.

“Sort of figured I would, can’t really drive like this.”

“No, I mean, would you want to sleep in the bed with me? I’m just not used to being alone yet and I'm so tired.”

Eddie knows he should say no. It would cross some invisible line that he has thus far been able to stay on the correct side of. He also feels like he’s at a bit of an unfair advantage. He knows Steve tried to kiss him last night, but Steve doesn’t. This time they’re both drunk. What’s liable to happen if they lay down together in the dark?

“Sure Steve, whatever you need.” Eddie is a weak, weak man.

It starts out innocently enough. Steve gives him some pajama pants and they change in front of each other. They’re both wearing boxers so it’s not like they’re naked. It’s not weird. Steve shuts the light off and they crawl into bed. It’s a queen so they’re close but if they’re careful they can avoid touching.

Steve makes no effort to avoid touching. He curls on his side, facing Eddie, who’s laying flat on his back. Then he throws an arm up over Eddie’s middle and cuddles right into his side. He says nothing about it, like this is all totally normal. As if they do this all the time. They literally don’t, this is the first time he’s been inside Steve’s house. Eddie doesn’t say anything either, figuring if Steve isn’t gonna make it weird then neither is he.

Eddie is about to drift off when Steve hits him with another curve ball.

“I lied to you earlier today.”

“Oh?”

“I do remember you driving me home last night.” Steve admits.

He what??

“Ok” Eddie says, dumbly.

“It’s like some special skill I have. No matter how drunk I get, I still remember everything.” Steve says it conversationally, like it’s just a fun fact. As if he’s not causing Eddie to have a low level panic attack in this bed right now.

“That’s…cool”

“So, I guess I should apologize for trying to kiss you last night.”

Oh god. What is happening?

“Don’t um, yea..don’t worry about it. You were drunk and upset. It’s fine.”

“Why did you back away?”

“Um…because you were drunk and upset??”

“And what if I tried again right now? Would you stop me again?” Steve asks.

“...I mean you are drunk, again. We both are. Steve, why are we talking about this? You and Nancy JUST broke up.”

“Well yeah but, couldn’t we just hook up? Friends with benefits kind of thing? I’ve always thought you were gorgeous and I really like hanging out with you and stuff. Could be fun…if you’re up for it.”

It was everything Eddie wanted, and feared, all offered up on a silver platter. He couldn’t do this, not without getting hurt. He should get out of this bed right now and go home.

Fuck it.

Eddie rolled them over so he hovered above Steve, hands bracketing the other boy's face on either side. Steve let out a whine that went straight to Eddie’s dick, and it was all over. The first kiss was clumsy and a little rough. Steve used more tongue than Eddie was used to but it didn’t matter that it wasn’t perfect because HE WAS KISSING STEVE!

It was amazing and Steve tasted so good and, god, Eddie was never going to get over this, so he’d better enjoy it while he could.

He feels Steve hardening beneath him and he can’t help grinding his hips down, giving them both the friction they’re craving.

Eddie breaks the kiss for a moment to look into his eyes. “Tell me what you want, Steve.”

Steve is writhing beneath Eddie, but he can see him making an effort to find his words through the haze of arousal.

“I want…to go down on you.”

Fuck, that’s certainly not what Eddie was expecting.

“But I've never done it with a guy before. Will you tell me if it’s terrible?” Steve adds, quickly.

“I don't think there's a chance in hell that your mouth on my cock could in any way be terrible, but sure. Whatever you want, baby.”

Steve grins at that and it’s such a beautiful sight, even more so when he does it again a little while later from between Eddie’s legs.

@steddie-week

#steddie week 2023 #steddie week #eddie munson #steve harrington #steddie #steddie fanfic #steve x eddie #steve harrington/eddie munson #ao3 #fanfic #ao3 link

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lucero-is-here · 11 months

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Drives over in a car

Ladies, gentlemen and folks. It’s headcanons time. And we have Danny Moto.

Requested by:

Now I don’t know the most about him, but I do know some things so let’s go.

- he’s good at math and science. For science he’s really good with chemistry. While in math, he unfortunately struggles with algebra sometimes. But he can still do some algebra.

- he’s really bad at anything related to english-

- he has no friends. He was more isolated growing up, and people found him weird and everything.

- he can’t eat anything spicy- if you do give him something spicy he’s going to start crying and sweating.

- he likes math. He likes it since he finds it really easy and everything is just so simplified to him. Give him a question and he’ll break it down into separate parts and find out how to solve it.

- he likes apples.

- Scared of heights-

- he has scared all the heist members before. He chased them with a toy knife once while laughing maniacally.

- aroace. He’s aroace.

- he was so scared when Frank well- killed him. He was begging for his life, but Frank was too angry and just killed him. Danny died in fear and misery.

- people kind of forget Danny is just a kid. Danny is canonically 17. People always forget his actual age and just assume he’s an adult. So it gets awkward when he has to remind them of his age.

- (angst) Danny doesn’t have parents- or- he ran away. He didn’t like his parents cause of how they were sometimes. They were somehow both so strict and neglectful at the same time. Danny wanted to feel excited again, he wanted to feel alive.

- the entire reason Danny joined the heist was not only for the money, but also to feel alive again. He was always thrilled by the danger and excitement they faced, every heist they had only gave him more excitement. Murdering and almost getting away with murder only seemed to encourage Danny even more. This was the thrill he wanted. Sad the thrill ended though.

- his hair is a bit longer- but he keeps it in a little ponytail and hides it in his shirt.

- at some point of time, he wondered what he was doing with his life participating in heists. He wondered why he was doing all of this, and wondered if it was too late to quit. And it was too late to quit. So he didn’t quit.

- (angst) he almost made a friend while he was participating in heists. He ran into someone the same age as him and they talked so much…But he had the heist to complete. And he couldn’t quit the heist now just because of a friend could he? So he lost the chance to make a friend for a heist which took everything from him.

- he likes talking about chemistry to people. Yeah he loves math, but chemistry…Wow just wow! It’s just magical to him! How you could combine two substances and an entirely new substance could form with entirely different properties! He could talk about chemistry for hours and hours and hours on end!

- (angst) he tried learning how to make friendship bracelets once. After meeting that one person he almost became friends with, he tried making a friendship bracelet to give to them if he ever met them again. When they autopsied his body, they found a half made friendship bracelet in his pocket with the name of the person he almost became friends with.

- (angst) his biggest regret was never becoming friends with that person, and not being able to give them the bracelet. I mean he had a lot to regret, but he regretted that the most.

Whoo- I had little ideas for him to be honest…But if I somehow someway think of more, a part 2 will be posted.

#criminal case #headcanons #danny moto

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kritomiesterbanta · 5 years

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Cruel Summer [Part 5]

ABOUT: Y/N is not happy about her boyfriend Shawn having to fake date Camila, nor is he happy about Y/N’s blossoming friendship with Connor

WORD COUNT: 4,271

NOTES: Thank you for the continued out pour of love and support for my Cruel Summer series! I love this story, so I’m glad you are all loving it too! I’m definitely interested in hearing whether you are team Shawn or Team Connor, especially after reading this part! Let me know!

Part 1 l Part 2 l Part 3 l Part 4 l Part 6

You loved Shawn, you truly did, which is why you were trying so damn hard to separate what was going on, with how you felt about him. The thing was, this whole watching him “date” someone else was killing you on the inside. Part of you had to wonder if maybe even coming out here on tour to begin with had been a bad idea. As hard as it had been to be apart, and to mostly communicate through texts, phone calls, and facetime, at least you wouldn’t have had a front row seat to his arms being wrapped around another girl.

You had done your best to be supportive, and not say anything, but your heart had been broken the morning that Shawn had approached you to let you know that they needed to step things up with Camila. You knew this wasn’t going to be a conversation that you liked, especially since you could see in his own eyes that he was hurting and dreading this, but to make things look more real and believable he was going to have to kiss Camila.

They had kissed a little bit during the filming of Senorita, but for some reason this just seemed different. He had tried to reassure you that it was just acting, and that he didn’t want to be doing it, but for the sake of all the work that they had put into this, they needed to keep it up, and of course, step it up as well. You wanted to believe that what he was saying was true, that it was different, but it certainly didn’t seem like it.

In Senorita they were playing characters. While maybe they were still to some extent playing characters now, and heightened versions of themselves, they were ultimately still being Shawn and Camila, and it hurt that your Shawn, that your boyfriend, was going to be kissing another woman.

Then again, what could you really do? You were a nobody. You didn’t get to dictate any of this, especially since you already felt like Shawn didn’t get much of a say himself. When he told you that this wasn’t something he wanted to do, you believed him. You could see it in his face, especially when it was just the two of you alone in a room.

It had even gotten to the point that it wasn’t even something you wanted to discuss with him at all. Each night when it was just the two of you alone in your room you could see the weight of what was going on was killing him. He was stressed, he was exhausted, and you could see the guilt in his eyes when he looked at you. He knew that he was hurting you, and you knew that was killing him, and therefore you had stopped letting him in. You didn’t want to add to the stress of everything going on.

You coming to join the tour for the summer was supposed to be something fun, and something calming for Shawn, you weren’t here to cause waves or make things more difficult. Instead, you did your best to be the kind of distraction he needed, not the girl that complained about how damn hard it was to watch him with Camila, talk about Camila in interviews or the Q&A’s, or bring up just how hurt and heartbroken you were on the inside.

You knew that you were slowly breaking down, and that you couldn’t keep going on like this, but you were hopeful that somehow, or someway this would get easier. It was only supposed to be a summer fling. You could get through this, you had to.

You knew that Shawn was growing more and more frustrated with your own relationship and friendship with Connor, but it wasn’t something that you could give up. He honestly was the only one keeping you sane, especially since he did provide as the perfect distraction, and when everything got to be a little too much he was the first one to grab your hand and pull you off so the two of you could go on your own adventure.

The two of you didn’t even need to be doing anything crazy or all that significant for you to enjoy your time together. Actually, the times where you and Connor just went around taking pictures and videos, or even just sat in his hotel room while you watched him edit were more than enough for you. As long as you didn’t have to watch your boyfriend put his hands all over another woman you were happy, and Connor seemed more than happy to be that distraction.

At first you had felt rather guilty about always pulling him away from everything, but after assuring you that this too was what he’d rather be doing, you had stopped asking if it was okay, or trying to assure him that you’d be okay if you stayed around and watched the “show” that Shawn and Camila were putting on. Plus, he had long since learned to see past your bullshit answers when you tried to play it tough or cool. He knew you weren’t happy or okay, and he didn’t like you having to force yourself through it.

As much as you hated it, Shawn did make his occasional comment about it, especially after each time you put up a new selfie of you and Connor on your Instagram. It really had just become a running joke between the two of you, since he constantly teased you about your love of selfies, and you teased him about his ridiculous hatred for them. Plus, you didn’t see anything wrong with it. There were plenty of pictures out there with Shawn with Camila, so why couldn’t you have pictures of you and Conner?

That had been the original story after all. You were on tour to spend time with your friend Connor. You were only selling that storyline even further, and even more than that, Connor was your friend now. Actually, given how close the two of you had gotten the past few weeks you would argue that he was becoming one of your closest friends. The two of you just got each other, and while that maybe bugged your boyfriend, it was something that you needed, and therefore something that Shawn needed to deal with.

As much as you wished that Shawn could be your refuge when things got tough, that just wasn’t the case. You didn’t want to add any more stress to his pile, and it did just seem to make more sense to go to Connor when you had to vent or complain. In some ways, you felt like Connor just happened to get it more than Shawn did anyway. You of course didn’t want to complain about Shawn as a boyfriend, since when it was just the two of you, he was the best, but he could get understandably defensive when he felt attacked over the situation.

You knew that he was just about as ready for this Camila stuff to be over as you were, and since it wasn’t like he was trying to hurt you on purpose you didn’t like looking at him in a negative light. Honestly, if none of this Camila stuff had happened you would argue that he had been one of the best boyfriends you had ever had, but these days it was hard to see all of that.

With Shawn’s birthday nearing you had been so excited about the idea of being able to celebrate together, and before all of this had happened, it had been the day you were looking forward to the most. Twenty-one was a pretty monumental birthday after all, and instead of being some star studded party, it was mostly going to be his best and closest friends that were invited.

However, the closer it got, and as more details of the big day, and the big party were being revealed you soon came to the realization that you weren’t going to be able to play the big part in the day that you had originally wanted and hoped for. Shawn had assured you that he wanted you close by all night, but you couldn’t hold hands or act like a couple. There were going to be cameras there after all, and if anything got leaked it would ruin everything that he, Camila, and their teams had worked towards.

While everyone on tour knew the truth about you and Shawn, most of the party goers wouldn’t know that, and it wasn’t safe to let your relationship be seen or discovered. There were already a lot of people out there that weren’t buying his and Camila’s relationship, and while selfishly that made you sort of happy, you also knew that it was in his best interest for it not to be found out what was actually happening and going on.

Like usual, you reminded yourself that you would have Connor there, and that at least made it so you weren’t completely dreading the party. This was Shawn’s big day after all, and being the good girlfriend that you were, you did want to make this as easy and drama free as possible. The day wasn’t about you, even if as his girlfriend you did feel like you should have been given a bit more consideration in all of this, but what really could you say? If it was up to Shawn you imagined he saw this day going a little differently as well, so at least there was that.

When the big day had finally arrived, you did your best to make it special for just the two of you. You were the first one to see him in the morning, which meant you were the first one that was going to be able to wish him happy birthday. That was precisely why you had woken up early, and thanks to a little arranging, and the help of a few others, you had his favorite breakfast delivered to the room, along with a cupcake that you were able to light up with the one candle that sat in the middle of it.

“Happy Birthday to you,” you softly sang, after having lit the candle and made your way over to his side of the bed where he was currently laying shirtless, in nothing more than his boxer briefs, stomach down. “Happy Birthday dear Shawn,” you continued as he turned to look at you with a boyish grin and sleepy eyes as you finished up singing. “Make a wish babe,” you directed as he quickly blew it out before finally pushing himself up and moving into a seated position with his legs off the bed.

“Thanks babygirl. You are amazing, and I’m so lucky to have you,” he smiled as he pulled you closer so he could rest his hands on your hips.

“I’m pretty sure it’s the other way around, but I’ll take it,” you playfully declare before leaning down to press your lips to his.

The two of you had definitely taken advantage of the alone time together, and had actually spent the majority of the day and early afternoon together in his room, but unfortunately that hadn’t been able to last. His family had flown in to spend the big day with him, and with lunch having been planned he had needed to say goodbye and leave.

While you had met his family, and gotten along great with all of them, there were likely pictures going to be taken, and it wouldn’t make sense for a random girl that was friends with Connor, and not his actual girlfriend to be at lunch with them. If a girl was going to go, it would have been Camila, but Shawn had thankfully requested for that not to happen.

In the end, you had found a way to keep yourself busy with a little shopping as you picked out the perfect little red dress to wear tonight, gotten a manicure and pedicure, and had even arranged to have your hair and make-up done by a professional. Even if you weren’t going to be the one totally at Shawn’s side tonight, you wanted to look good for him.

While you had unfortunately hoped to ride to his party with him tonight, that hadn’t happened. Shawn was to walk in after most of the guests were to arrive, and much to your chagrin, he was going to walk in with Camila, and his family.

You couldn’t lie. That sucked, and it hurt, but like usual you had Connor by your side to make it feel alright, or at least as good as you could possibly feel about any of this. In the end, you didn’t want to make his big day about you, so despite how shitty you felt, you slapped a fake smile on your face, even if Connor could easily see right past it. Actually, you found yourself deeply hoping that Shawn could as well, but you knew it was a selfish thought.

After walking in you and Connor made your rounds, talked to a few people, and had gotten a glass of champagne to celebrate Shawn’s imminent arrival. Once it was announced that he was coming in soon, you made sure that you and Connor were right near the front.

As Shawn made his grand entrance you, like everyone else began to shout at the top of your lungs, and you couldn’t help the butterflies as his eyes immediately found yours. Maybe you didn’t get to walk in by his side, but he was doing his best to show that you weren’t forgotten. It also helped that he was clearly taking in you, your dress, and little makeover, and he was obviously impressed. You had seen that look in his eyes before, and you could tell it was taking everything in his power to not walk over there and kiss you in front of everybody.

So maybe it hadn’t been your favorite to see his hand in Camila’s, but it was you he had looked at like that, and not her, and that was what was getting you through. You watched as he made his rounds a bit, hugging quite a few people and thanking them for coming, before he finally made his way over to you.

“Hey,” he smiled, his eyes once again taking you in, while also trying not to give too much away about how he truly felt about you, especially since tonight, to all these people Camila was Shawn’s girlfriend. Not you.

“Hey,” you shyly smiled back, loving the way his eyes had just looked over you all over again.

“You look so beautiful babygirl,” he whispered into your ear as he had moved in to give you a hug. “I’m pretty sure you are the birthday present I’m most looking forward to unwrap,” he softly joked before slowly pulling away, his touch lingering for as long as he could possibly make it.

“Oh my God Shawn, have you already been drinking?” you tease as he innocently shrugs his shoulders, making you giggle.

“Come on, it’s my twenty first, I may have had a drink or two on the way over,” he admits as you let out another soft giggle and a shake of the head.

“Well you deserve it. I hope you are having a good birthday so far,” you admit, even if your heart sort of hurts that this is going to have to be your only interaction for awhile. You would give anything to spend the entire night by his side, and holding his hands as he goes around and talks to everyone and introduces you to his old friends, but you get why that can’t be.

“It’s been good.. But I wish it could be a little different,” he admits back, almost as if you two are sharing a very similar thought.

“Well we will hang out later tonight, right?” you try offer in an effort to see that signature Shawn smile that you love so much, and one he deserves to be wearing on his birthday.

“Of course, Like I said, I still need to unwrap my present,” he teases as he sends what is likely an inappropriate wink in your direction, but neither of you seem to care as you share in this moment and laugh together.

“I need to go and talk to some people and say hi, but you’ll be close by right?” he asks, a familiar look of concern and pleading showing up on his face.

“Of course,” you smile in assurance as you reach out and give his hand a small squeeze before he unfortunately has to pull away, looking back at you, giving you one last smile before heading into the crowd.

As much as you loved your interaction with Shawn just then, an emptiness and sadness begin to consume you, but luckily before you can let yourself dwell on it, Connor is at your side.

“What do you say we take a shot?” he asks, and while you aren’t much of a drinker, you are pretty sure you are going to need to something in order to get through this night. Plus, with it being Shawn’s twenty-first you know he plans on drinking quite a bit, so why not join in?

That isn’t the only shot you take that night, nor is it the only drink you consume other than the tiny bit of champagne you had to mark his arrival. You definitely have a buzz going on, and maybe a little more, but it feels good. Even more, it feels good not to be dwelling on the fact that your boyfriend is off socializing without you, with Camila by his side, likely portraying the role of the doting girlfriend that should be you.

Actually though, you are having plenty of fun where you are at with Connor as the two of you make your presence known on the dance floor. You would never claim to be a professional, or to even know what you are doing, but you also feel like you have rhythm and do alright, unlike Connor. In fact, his moves crack you up, which only makes this even more fun.

Being you, you have also already pulled out your phone to take the selfie that Connor so loudly proclaims he hates, but you know he secretly loves. Plus, he always looks amazing in them. While he may normally prefer to be the one behind the camera, you think that is just a travesty. His face was made to be in front of the camera.

You know you promised Shawn to be close by, and while you really had tried to make that happen, it had not only gotten a bit boring to be the weird girl secretly lurking in the back, it had gotten to feel kind of weird. So instead, you had chosen to take advantage of the fact that you were at your boyfriend’s huge birthday bash, even if it was Connor by your side instead.

When it was time for the cake to be presented everyone did their best to gather in close as a loud round of happy birthday was sung. You did your best to get in as close as you could with Connor by your side, but given how many people had come tonight to celebrate the birthday boy you definitely weren’t as close as you would have hoped. The one thing that had made you at least feel somewhat better about this moment was that he had searched you out in the crowd and sent a little wink, but soon his attention was directed elsewhere.

You couldn’t blame him. He was the man of the hour after all, but that didn’t stop the sting of not being the one by his side from consuming you. It certainly wasn’t helping that you were also a tad bit tipsy, and Camila was right there where you should have been. After the candles had been blown out and a silly drunken speech had been given by your incredibly cute and adorable boyfriend your mood suddenly switched as Camila went in to give Shawn a big birthday kiss as the crowd cheered.

You however, were not cheering, and you certainly weren’t happy. In fact, that seemed to be the straw that broke the camel’s back as you pushed your way out of the small crowd. Despite the fact that you were already outside in the New York air, you couldn’t help but feel like you couldn’t breathe and like you needed more of it.

Out of nowhere Connor reached for your hand, and thankfully led you away, and down a small alley where it looked like the two of you could have some much needed privacy. You of course wanted to blame it on the alcohol, but there likely was much more involved in all of this as hot tears began to fall down your cheeks.

“Come here,” he softly directed you as he pulled you into his arms as you buried your head in his chest, as one of his hands rested on the back of your head, as the tears continued to fall. You weren’t sure how long the two of you had stood like that, but finally you felt strong enough to pull back to look at him.

“I’m sorry I..” you began as you did your best to wipe at your eyes, before he quickly shook his head.

“You have nothing to apologize for. I get it. This is hard Y/N,” he assures you, as he affectionately moves in to wipe a tear off your cheek.

“It is, and you would think I’d be used to it by now,” you sighed, hating that this was still something you couldn’t seem to get over.

“And you shouldn’t have to. You shouldn’t even have to be dealing with this in the first place. It’s fucked up. You are one of the most amazing women I have ever met, and I don’t get why Shawn is doing this,” he cursed, actually surprising you by how passionate he is about all of this.

“Well, I mean, he doesn’t really have a choice,” you try to offer in defense of Shawn.

“Of course he has a choice. He could have said no, but he didn’t, and he’s still letting this shit show carry on despite how obvious it is that it’s hurting you. It’s bullshit,” he further ranted, his words actually sinking in as you first wonder how much of a choice Shawn does have, and even more, you wonder how obvious it really is what all of this is doing to you. Is everyone else feeling the same way about all of this?

You hate the idea of looking weak or pathetic, and you don’t like the idea of everyone knowing that this isn’t easy on you. Okay, so maybe it isn’t something that should be easy, but you did want to be there and you did want to be supportive.

“I get it Y/N, you’re trying to be a good girlfriend for him,” he further offers, feeling somewhat annoyed that this isn’t the first time today that your thoughts seem to be totally transparent. “But he doesn’t fucking deserve it. He doesn’t deserve you,” he loudly declares as his hands from around you drop as he throws them passionately up into the air in frustration.

“Connor,” you begin, but honestly, what are you supposed to say to that, especially after having had him witness your first real break down since coming out here.

“I mean it, you are amazing, and you don’t deserve this,” he keeps going, obviously sensing that you aren’t sure what to say. “You deserve a boyfriend that chooses you. That chooses you over some music sales, and makes you feel like you are always his number one priority. If you were my girlfriend Y/N, I would never do that to you,” he confidently declares as he moves to cut off the distance between the two of you once more as he places a soft hand on the side of your neck as his thumb softly brushes up against the skin of your cheek. “I would make sure to show you each and every day that you are my only priority, and that nothing is more important than you.”

“Connor..” you softly trail as your eyes move up to meet his, feeling completely conflicted in this moment. Those words, they mean the world to you, and for the first time since Shawn has said something about Connor having feelings for you, you realize that maybe he was right all along, and you aren’t sure what to think about that.

On one hand, you know he is right. Shawn isn’t treating you like his number one priority, but you love him despite all of that, and despite what he can offer you at the moment. On the other hand, not only is Connor saying all the right words, you are starting to wonder if maybe somewhere along the line you had fallen for him too. It’s all so confusing, but before you even have time to think about what you want, you are soon interrupted.

“What the fuck Connor? Get away from my girlfriend,” Shawn loudly shouts, as you quickly jump away from Connor and his touch as your eyes quickly move between the two men, neither looking even remotely happy with the other. In fact, you can see fire and anger there, and know, this in no way is going to end well.

Taglist: @justanotherfangurl272

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orionsangel86 · 5 years

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Season 15 - Spoilers and Speculation

OKAY HI EVERYBODY GUESS WHO HAS BEEN SCREAMING OVER ON TWITTER FOR HALF AN HOUR!

There I was happily trying to watch the Great British Bake Off as you do, and my notifications start blowing up because someone decided to go write a ridiculous spoilery article about season 15 in the TV Guide magazine and all the good and terrible things we have to look forward too! So I promised I would attempt some sort of time line of spoilers and events so that we can jumble together some expectations (and some yummy speculation) about the upcoming season!

Episode 1 - we know that Cas is in this episode as Misha was filming. We know that Alex was also filming though potentially either as a corpse, or as a manifestation of someones guilt/hallucination (these are theories not confirmed). Other than this we know that Jack “won’t be coming back from the Empty for a while now” and hasn’t been seen filming since. (source)

Episodes 2 and 3 - The main spoilers of relevance are that Dean and Cas are still not okay with each other. There is tension between them and they won’t be okay for a while (sources on this are from SDCC and well, everywhere, unless you’ve actually been living under a rock all summer).

Now today we got this spoiler:

[Twitter link]

“Theres a scene we shot recently that really got to me. Cas decides he’s going away for a while. And it wasn’t necessarily a goodbye, but it felt like that to me.”

and this one:

[Twitter Link]

“Cas feels he’s losing Sam and Dean, the only other people in the universe he has a connection to”

and this:

[Twitter Link]

“God becoming his primary enemy bent on destroying everything he cares about is a really difficult transition for Cas to go through” as a result, after a few episodes of chaos, Cas gets fed up and takes a personal time-out before returning to the action, or as Collins puts it, “He leaves in a huff.”

So we have been speculating that this likely takes place in episode 3 following some big dramatic showdown. Cas leaves because he just can’t deal with everything that is happening. Poor angel has lost his son, found out his father is basically enemy number 1, and he has lost the one person he cares about most in the universe (honestly I just don’t see Sam falling out with Cas here because those two are TIGHT but Sam’s friendship alone won’t be enough to make Cas stay - it’s the DeanCas tension that all the PR has been going on about lately).

So then we have two Cas free episodes with 4 and 5 (and I love that there was early speculation following a pic that Jensen posted that Dean might have a beard in episode 4 because OMG GRIEF BEARD OVER LOSING CAS HELLO YES PLEASE GIMME THIS!)

Episode 6 set spoilers show Jared and Misha filmed together, whereas there were very few Jensen sightings. We can therefore speculate that Sam reaches out to Cas because he is fed up of his brothers sulking? Or maybe Cas finds a hunt and calls Sam because he’s still mad at his husband. Or well, anything along these lines. If Dean and Cas don’t reunite in episode 6, then that makes for a very interesting timeline with episode 7. Which is looking to be EPIC.

We have received quite a few spoilers for episode 7 so far. We know that Christian Kane is going to be playing an “old friend” of Dean’s from his past (who it appears Sam doesn’t know, or at least isn’t involved with). We know there will be a fight scene which “the fans will love” whatever that means, and we know that they filmed at “Swayze’s bar”. [Twitter Source]

*rubs temples and tries not to reach for the red nose straight away*

We also now know that Jensen will be singing in this episode and that Dean and Leo have a “wild night” together where Dean will “recapture his mojo” [Twitter Source]

*starts painting face with red and white*

So Dean was down on his mojo eh Dabb? This is starting to sound a bit like early season 13. Dean clearly doesn’t take too well to Cas leaving him in episode 3. >.>

Now I am convinced that no matter what happens in episode 7, the homoerotic tension is gonna be EXTREME, but please allow me to go full clown mode here for a second

*adjusts rainbow wig*

*HERE BE SPECULATION FOLKS - JUST SOLID CLOWN FACED SPECULATION*

If this episode does indeed go down the route of Leo being an ex boyfriend, if something DOES happen between Dean and Leo beyond just bros being bros, then we have a legit coming out episode here following a huge bust up with his actual husband that somehow ends with Dean getting his mojo back. This episode, like every Dean focused episode, usually ends up with Dean getting some big realisation. Dean growing a little bit more, and the audience learning something new about him. Whatever goes down, we are now in a prime position for a DeanCas reunion either by episode end or in episode 8.

IF in episode 8 Dean is able to reconcile with Cas in someway, but because some other horrible shit goes down (which based on latest spoilers could potentially be an Adam/OG!Michael return/Cage breakout of hell nightmare) plus since episode 8 is a Bucklemming episode meaning it will be overly jam packed with plot stuff so a potential Jack return plus Empty entity in this one too - then...

*deep breath*

The time line fits.

Episode 8 plot filled mayhem interrupts a true DeanCas make up scene but we get at least some reveal that Dean wants to have a “conversation” with Cas, then imagine if following the episode 8 drama Jack returns. Imagine if we get a midseason finale in episode 9 where for at least a small part of the episode it looks like the family is back together? Following all the angst and separation of the early season we are right back to where we were during the midseason finale of season 14 - TFW2.0 together again and fighting side by side. Enough to bring some joy to our poor angels otherwise broken heart?

Imagine if though, when all is said and done, right after the boys think they have a win, Dean gets his moment. The show has already given us his coming out ep. He has already realised what it is he truly wants, now he finally gets the chance to reach out and grasp for it...

But when he does it’s a moment too late. It’s time to pay up. Cas gets his moment of true happiness - and the Empty takes him. Midseason finale ends with a horrified Dean having just laid his heart on his sleeve, and a dead Castiel at his feet.

THE TIMELINE FITS.

(I know. I’m a clown for having any hope in this - but my god the potential is too much for me to bare. HONK HONK)

Standard Disclaimer: Nothing I say here is claiming to be factual other than sources from PR related material and spoilers from set. Speculation is all based on what we have seen and my own foolish hope that this show might actually go the way it has been building up to for 10 fucking years. I am not a psychic. I do not have a crystal ball. Readers are asked to manage their own expectations and not blame me for daring to squee about my own excited enthusiasm on the internet on my own blog. Hate is not welcome. Negative comments and moaning accusations are not welcome. Either squee with me in excited delight or scroll on past. You are welcome to join my screaming over on Twitter as well.

Manage your own expectations. I am not telling you anything is going to happen other than what I would LIKE to happen. As always PR IS NOT SHOWRUNNING.

Thank you and good night.

#supernatural #destiel #spn spoilers #spn speculation #season 15 #my thoughts #as well as the thoughts of about 10 other people in an overexcited twitter gc #i am SO EXCITED for this season #pr is not showrunning

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idk-my-aesthetic · 4 years

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G-d all the separated aus where 1 of the boys grew up on his own or w/ draxum while the other three were with splinter make me so emo.... but please also consider:

- smthn happens the night they’re mutated. Splinter is like captured or incapacitated in some way. The boys are all separated and all grow up completely on their own on the streets of the hidden city. All assume that they’re orphans and have no idea that they’re related or have any family at all

Two ways this could play out. 1 is that splinter escapes after a few years and goes looking for them. Finds all of them separated, living in shelters or homeless in tents or smthn. He always assumed they’d at least have each other but they don’t even have that. Splints is high devastated by how they were forced to grow up/ feels like he failed them when he finds them

Option 2 is that splinter thinks they’re dead, or looks for them and is never able to find them. The boys end up finding eachother on their own, not knowing that they’re actually brothers. eventually they find splinter, who cries and apologizes for failing them and calls them his sons and they’re all like. What.

- kinda similar where splinter again is incapacitated in someway or thinks they died. But instead of them all being separated from one another they stick together and it’s just the four of them against the world. They grow up on the streets, but they have eachother. Maybe find splinter eventually and that’s a whole conversation.

-again slight change from the first 2, but instead of being all alone or all together they break off into pairs. So there’s 2 pairs of turtle children thinking “I have my 1 brother who I love a lot and nothing else”, not knowing they have 2 other brothers.

I feel like a lot of ppl would wanna do Donnie & Leo + Mikey & raph, though I propose Donnie & Mikey + Leo & raph bc I feel like they’re could be some interesting dynamics there. None of them know they have more brothers than the one the one they grew up w/, Donnie and raph are both super protective of their baby brother, said baby brothers are both annoyed and protective back

-going off my theme of slight variation and calling it a different au, they’re separated into groups of 2 again, but this time 2 are captured by draxum and 2 live on the streets. I don’t have any proposed groups for this one, though I’d sudgest Mikey not be w/ draxum bc he’s the heart and most likely to get through to the guys who have been raised by draxum. Could also work w/ him being on his own on the street and all three of his brothers being raised by draxum, but he just keeps showing up and they slowly become really fond of him.

^^^ this is under the assumption that they’re separated the day they’re mutated and don’t know that they’re brothers. Alternatively, they grow up together on the streets for a few years b4 draxum captures 2/3 of them when they’re around 8-10. Both groups think the others are dead until they find each other one day

- ok so this one technically an au where they all stay w/ splinter (very rare lol) but I’m including it bc it also diverges the night the boys were mutated. Instead of assuming they’re dead draxum somehow relizes splinter left w/ them and he chases them down, so splints is on the run w/ his 4 bby bois

These are really just random ideas/ variations on the separated aus I’ve been seeing, bc I love the ones other ppl are coming up w/. I left them vauge on purpose so ppl are free to do w/e they want w/ them if they want to! Or u can just come talk to me about them :3. (Sorry for the angst tho,,,,)

#sry this is so messy i really hope it makes sense #rottmnt #rottmnt au #donnie rottmnt #mikey rottmnt #leo rottmnt #raph rottmnt #splinter rottmnt #rottmnt draxum #my post #blue rambles

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starbuck09256 · 5 years

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The bed you’ve made Part 2

Author Notes: I know I know I’m terrible person for not getting this out sooner. I’m so sorry. Life right? A huge thank you to @peacenik0 for fixing my terrible grammer and making sure this stays in character (grammer can slide but characterization is a big one for me). Thank you to all the wonderful peeps who said they wanted to read more, I love those notes and those totally fuel me through the day with positive energy. Ok so stop rambling and post the dang fic!

the ivf works but Mulder is sleeping with Diana.

Part 1 https://starbuck09256.tumblr.com/post/183232727829/the-bed-youve-made Part 2 The bed you’ve made

Scully leaves quickly with another chaste kiss on his cheek. That smile of hers is going to be imprinting on his brain. His cheek still tingles from her kisses. His penis still limp from his escapades with Diana. He closes the door. Letting his head rest against the oak door. Fuck he thinks. Diana says nothing gathering her things. The bra shoved under the side of his couch. She looks at him with those cold eyes of hers, he once thought he could seek solace in them, the darkness wrapping him up in a warm cocoon. What the fuck is he doing? What does he do? He told Scully, he fucking told her he didn’t want to change anything. How does a .002% chance work? He thinks of all the times she’s saved his ass, going to the north pole, pulling him out of that shit camper in the middle of nowhere, when they tried to upload him into a simulation. That’s how it works, every time they have a .002% chance of survival and somehow, someway, those odds are in their favor.

Diana stands silently waiting for him to break the tension in the room, with not the impatient sigh he is used to from Scully, not an accusatory tone or doubt creeping into her voice. Diana isn’t like Scully, not in looks, not in spirit, not in mind. After a few short years together, Mulder has seen inside Diana’s mind, she is cold and calculating in a way that shocked him at first. She showed him how simple it is to care and not care all at the same time. That people care only for themselves in that moment, and only if those feelings will benefit them long term.

Diana doesn't bring any feelings into this, she probably didn’t have any the first time either, now that he thinks about it in a rational way. But she did have the intelligence, his weakness is smart women, women like Scully, Phoebe, not that they are anything alike. But damn if smart isn’t the sexiest thing to him. DIana is no exception to this so smart in execution, in planning, in every last detail. She doesn’t believe in .002% chances. She works each system and finds each loophole, each small flaw and strikes to her full advantage. She took the x-files because they were never going to give them back to him. Used her own leverage to play both sides. At least that's what she has told him. Another way to steer him towards her own agenda, he wanted to believe so bad that she came back for them, that one day after she had left and he felt destroyed that she would put him back together again the way the x-files had done the first time. She knew, god, she knew that he would do anything to keep the things that make him feel validated. Originally it was her, validating his beliefs that the paranormal might really be an explanation for it all, that the answers were hidden for them to find together, now she was using the same idea to keep them for herself. Anger had raged through him when he found out she had been assigned and not him and Scully. “fox, they weren't going to hand them back to you. After everything we went through to get them in the first place? Shouldn't at least one of us have them?” Almost like Scully in rationalizing her position. Scully doesn't rationalize being a traitor, stealing something away from him. Scully would fight tooth and nail for injustice. But scully like him doesn't have the files, Diana is holding them hostage. Using his love of mystery and intrigue to keep him close to her, keep him invested in their fucked up version of fuck buddies. She lets him hack into Spenders files, she brings over a case file while wearing lingerie in his favorite color. What is her end game here? Split him up from Scully?

His precious Scully does she have lingerie like this deep navy with lace edges? Would Scully let him use her to his own selfish ends? Is he any better than the supposed man who is his real father? Using women to meet his own selfish needs, playing the odds to propel his own cause? IS he any better than Diana? Hasn’t he used his own mind games on Scully? Keeping her with him by using her own love for him against herself? He pulled that card in the hallway. Manipulated her feelings for him to give her false hope? Was it really false? Was he not working out some hidden desire to have his cake and eat it too? Have Scully and the x-files? What should he do now? Should he say nothing? Pray that Scully doesn’t come back, that she didn’t see the bra. That elation has blinded her extraordinary investigator skills, and buys him some time. He needs time. Diana touches his arm, it’s brief non-threatening, Diana is too good at this, good at making things seem as they are, pretending there is no deep agenda. He looks up at her, losing himself again in pools of black with specs of gold.

“I’ll see you later,” her voice soft and void of any emotion.

He use to love that about her, that she could separate herself so effortlessly. Scully shows emotion, she has rage and pain, fear and anger, and as of just now she has joy and love. How could he get involved with two women at the same time, after having no one for six years? The world is cruel. He swallows hard opening the door for her to step out into the hallway. The hallway he almost kissed Scully. A kiss that luckily ended, because it was out of desperation, desperation to keep her by his side. Isn't that what he is doing with Diana now, using sex as a desperate plea for her to give him access?

Diana slips past, there is no kiss goodbye, no acknowledgement of what has happened. He groans as closes the door. He’s not sure what the next steps are, he’s not sure he wants to know. He thinks maybe sleep to use his dreams to once again answer his questions. Maybe that’s what has been going on now, he’s been dreaming of Scully, dreaming of a life together. Does he really want that? Or is he trying compensate for his own guilt? A life he doesn’t want or need, a life that might cost him the only thing Diana thinks he cares about. A child though is different, it's an answer he hasn't wanted to ask. What's at the end of the road? Where does this end and how badly does it hurt?

He is lucky, the weekend passes quickly, Scully doesn’t show up again unannounced. She gives him space, he isn’t sure that it’s good, he figures that his luck has clearly run out. She knows about Diana, and she is taking her time to come up with a way to let him out. But now all he thinks about is a daughter with her eyes, a son with his nose. A child with a stubborn loyalty who will be far too smart for their own good. He still doesn’t know what to do, what to say. Does he go to the appointments? Will he get to hear his childs heartbeat in her body. Will he be there to cut the cord? Will she let him? Does he want her to? Does he give up his quest, his crusade and lose sight of justice? What if he does, what if he gives it up and in 5 or 10 years it all shatters anyway because he didn’t bother to stop it? That the day comes while he is sitting in a parent teacher conference discussing why his child already knows how to dissect worms and speak Klingon. But the aliens knocking at the door are where the real fear should lie?

He groans pulling on his running shoes for the third time today. Maybe exhaustion will win out? Maybe their child will love the feel of the wind rushing pass as the sounds of their footfall hit the earth in cadence.

It’s Monday morning. He feels better, he has a plan he is going to play it cool. Take a play out of the Diana book. This is Scullys’ call, she can be the one to tell him what she’s looking for, what she wants from him, and he can hope that saying yes was enough, that she understood this was her decision and while he wants her to be happy he also won’t sacrifice himself. He brings Scully her favorite coffee and a blueberry scone. He wants to see that smile again, the one that lit up her whole face when she told him. He wants to feel her happiness radiating through his body, it’s almost as good as an x-file.

Diana is an issue though, one that he can’t ignore. The file she slipped him yesterday was thrilling, a new case filled with his favorite things. Diana plays games in a way that makes phoebe look like a novice, she’s said nothing of seeing Scully as his house or the conversation, she left and only met him yesterday to give him a breadcrumb but still kissed him deeply. She is playing the same game as him, the wait and see if it works out game. Wait to let Fox fuck it up to let his guard slide. He wonders if this will be the catalyst for her to slip up as well. Will he finally see what her end game is? She was always a master at chess. When they met Gibson all he could think about is how Diana could beat him. Was this the surprised move that will make the queen fall. Will she need to sacrifice herself?

The crowded bullpen of agents on phones as fingers fly across keyboards, he steers clear trying to navigate the cramp quarters. Chatter reaching into his brain makes him miss the basement; the quiet mornings of coffee and crullers especially the sound of the slides clicking through the spindle.There she is in his favorite blue shirt, the one that makes her eyes sparkle slightly more her hair shine so brightly. Has she always looked so breathtaking? Has he been so consumed that he never bothered to notice?

Scully smiles and blushes all at once at him. He can’t help but smile back at her holding up the treats. As he walks to her desk, Mulder wonders what new literal crap Kersh has shoved down their throats this week. She looks up at him. Her eyes shining and her skin glowing in the terrible fluorescent lights.

“Hi,” she chuckles still blushing. You’d think she spent the whole weekend sprawled out in his bed.

“Hey,.. I uh brought you coffee.” he mutters she looks up at him. Has she always smiled like that? Has it always made his heart melt like this. Is he sure this is a good idea? Can he really try to play it cool with her? The only person who sees through him like no one else?

“Is it ummm… decaf?” she whispers the last word. He is confused, they’ve had numerous discussions of decaf coffee being the most pointless thing on the planet, there is a time and place for decaf coffee; and that is never and in the trash. Her hand reaches out to his brushing it briefly.

“Let’s umm go for a quick walk huh? The fresh air will be good.” He follows her as she walks around a desk trying to look incompiscous but running into the edge of the table, biting her lip and groaning. He wants to reach out to her but she shakes her head. She points to the scone left in it’s little white bag on her desk. “Bring the scone, I’m starving.” he grabs it quickly as they head out.

They are sitting on the bench at the mall. The one they always sit at and debate flukeman and AI, where they’ve made the list of people they would come back and haunt if such things are possible. Kersh now in the top five for both of them. She is looking around nervously. He’s nervous too, he isn’t sure what to do, what they are. Why she would ever want to drink decaf? She reaches into the bag and takes a big hunk of scone. Originally he thought they would share like they always do but she is already ripping another large piece off as the sugar crystals scatter across her lips, oh pregnant right . He smiles softly.

“Sorry,” she mumbles between bites covering her mouth with her hand. He sighs looking around at the reflecting pool thinking of a time in this same place not so long ago when Diana said she needed to go to Europe to pursue their joint interest. A temporary assignment to find out what they knew from the inside. He wonders if that is what is going on now, or if the years have molded her resolve to their own agenda.

Scully’s warm hand lands on his arm. Bringing him back to the present. The cherry blossoms are blooming framing them on this small bench with years of meetings.

“where did you go?” her voice curious.

“just thinking about all the times we've sat on this bench.” he smiles at her, his inner struggles aside.

She takes a small sip of her coffee. “I'm going to miss this,” she gestures to the coffee. “no full lead for 9 months.” he shallows hard staring out at the reflection of blossoms dancing in the wind. “Mulder, I know it's a lot to process, and honestly I know that I probably took advantage of our unique relationship in asking you.” he waits trying to still play it cool as her fingertips grip his. She didn't take advantage he did, he agreed to something trying to keep a balance and now he's so unsure if he can handle the consequences. He wants to run away like when he was 12.

“What are you looking for here, Dana?” he knows he shouldn't use those words. He knows he is the one that brought this shit show home to roost. She sighs but doesn't release his hand. She is warm anchoring him here like she always has. He rubs his face with his free hand. He doesn't want to pull away from her.

“Ideally?” she asks, hesitant. He feels the nervous energy around them. It's so different now, they've never been really nervous with one another. He turns looks at her, as she licks her lips as she moves her head back to regard him fully.

“yea ideally.” He is curious. She used medical reasons to justify asking him, used her concerns of tampering as another. She takes a big breath. Breathing out slowly and biting her lip. He feels her anxiety, it's washing over her in waves.

“I would… god this is so hard.” She deflates closing her eyes. She turns fully pulling their hands into her lap. He laughs a little, his surefire partner who backs down from nothing. He reaches up touching her chin smiling at her urging her to continue. He needs these answers before he can deal with everything else. Where are we going with this Scully? What do you need? What can I do? What should I do? Direct me because I’ve done a terrible fucking job doing what I what. He hopes she answers his pleas. Hopes she understand that he needs more guidance than ever right now.

“I want you involved in… well everything as much as you want to be” a smiles plays at her lips.

He sits back surprised.

“I would love it if you could be at the big appointments at least, maybe hold my hand.” She says sheepishly. “I'm scared, i have no idea how to do this and you always..”

She licks her lips again before swallowing hard. “you always center me, make me feel brave.”

He chuckles at her. He centers her, of all the things he has said and done he never imagined he made anyone feel centered. He sits back. He needs to think about what he wants needs to reassess. He needs time.

“when is your next appointment? And um what is it for?” his voice sounds stronger than he feels

She grins. “it's umm Thursday at 3 for the first ultrasound. It's umm a big one, we should be able to hear a heartbeat,” she finishes with a whisper.

He nods he stands up pulls her up with him. Tucks a strand of bright red hair behind her ear.

“I'll be there,”

that megawatt smile is back “really?” she questions, of course she does, she is Dana Scully but he sees the joy shining through her.

“yea, I want to be there for that,” he says smiling.

She has tears in her eyes and she wraps her arms around him. Hugging him fiercely. She pulls back and kisses him. He hesitates but her lips are full and tender. She must sense his hesitation because she pulls back quickly. Muttering a sorry as she picks up the trash.

“sorry, that I'm just..” She trails off embarrassed. He is too.

“We should get back.” he mutters she nods. He follows her out of the park, but doesn't place his hand on her back. He has just complicated the shit out of his life. His phone rings and he remembers lunch with Diana a new source a new file, a quick fuck at her house. He tells scully in a scruffy voice.

“I have to take this, I'll see you later,” she nods turning quickly.

He knows she saw the name, and the look on her face proves she did see the bra on his floor. She knows he's with Diana. His lips still tingle with sweet sugar from her kiss and he isn't sure how to breathe anymore. As he watches her walk away he sees her shoulders slum as the elation from moments ago brushed off, and defeat takes over her familiar stride.

I’m not leaving it like this promise.

Tagging the peeps who asked and some extras :)

@scully-eats-sushi @contrivedcoincidences6 @knuffelkontje @tngbabe @danaedaniels @itsclaucueva @sandymans-world @lappina @postmodernpromartheus @missmelimelis0900 @foxystarbucks @skinny-gillian @gwensghosts @wendyi111 @peacenik0 @monaiargancoconutsoy @marinafrenzy @improlificinsarcasm @today-in-fic

#mulder and scully #s6 #msr #ust #msr fanfic #thebedyouvemade #part 2 #my fic

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zenosanalytic · 5 years

Video

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Great Beasts of Legend: Centaurs, Sirens and Chimaera: The Greeks and th...

I know I’ve posted this lecture by Dr. Jeremy McInerney before, but I was watching it again(third time; really love this one uwu) and at 41:55 he starts a discussion of a boundaries-based reading of Centaurs(good target for that given the melding/muddying of boundary btw animal and man Centaurs represent[1]), beginning with the Herakles, Deianira, Nessos Myth that I feel he doesn’t quite hit though he makes/brings up other great points and it made me want to write a short little thing about why this myth, specifically, is really open to such a reading:

Ok so the basic outline: Herakles and Deianira are traveling, they come to the river Evinos where Nessos[2], the Centaur, is selling his services as a living ferry(ppl sit on him and he carries them across). Herakles, of course, decides to swim across and pays Nessos to carry Deianira across. While doing so, Nessos attempts to rape her, Deianira calls for help, and Herakles whips out his bow and arrows dipped in Hydra’s blood, and shoots Nessos dead. As he dies but before Herakles reaches them, Nessos tells Deianira to take a vial of his blood(sometimes blood mixed with his semen). The story splits interestingly here, so remember this point for later. Years down the road, Herakles is off in some part of Greece partying in celebration of yet another city he’s plundered, and he sends a train of new slaves taken from said city-plundering back home, along with a messenger with an off-hand request to Deianira that she send his favorite cloak along cuz he plans to keep partying for quite a long while. This is another point of ambiguity in the story and its retellings so remember it, too. She steeps his cloak in water mixed with the vial of Nessos’s blood, sends it along and, while the poison doesnt kill Herakles cuz he’s part god and Hydra’s poisonous blood isn’t powerful enough to do that, it DOES cause him such enormous, unending pain that he builds his own funeral pyre and burns himself alive, apotheosizing into a god in the process.

So, regarding Boundaries:

Nessos, obvsl, is a physical manifestation of the close and ever-present boundary between humans and beasts; btw self-control and indulgence; btw “civilized” behavior and “uncivilized”, as discussed above, and particularly of the threat of rape Greek men present to Greek women.

This story involves a River, a physical boundary

Rivers are ALSO what separate the world of the living from the world of the dead to the Greeks, and this is a story ABOUT TWO DEATHS, both tied directly TO a River(one taking place in it, during the act of crossing it; the other a long-term effect of that event[but also Herakles’s hubris, though most versions, being written for men, don’t emphasize that totally obvs aspect of it]).

Not only that, it’s LITERALLY the story of Herakles’s apotheosis: of how he comes to finally transcend the boundary between God and Mortal which he has straddled his whole life.

Herakles is celebrating the sack of a city, ie, his violation&destruction of the Boundaries defining said city, when he dies. Greek cities are often protected by female divinities(Athena usually), so it’s yet another symbol of rape.

So Split 1: In most versions, the reason Nessos gives for why she should take his blood is that it is a powerful love potion that will ensure Herakles remains faithful to her if his eye ever strays. BUT, also in most versions, this is a lie and he’s secretly trying to poison Herakles, though how would he know Herakles’ arrows are poisoned with Hydra-blood? I remember reading a version where he presents it to her AS POISON, explaining about the Hydra, but I cant find any mention of it online, so maybe my brain’s just making it up(or maybe this was the Hercules TV Show version X|).

Split 2: BUT BUT, while in most version Deianira sends the cloak out of desperation to keep him faithful(and of course there’s a particular slave girl in the train she’s warned about just so all of this can be EXTRA the fault of women, rather than Herakles for being a giant asshole like he always is), in other versions she sends it OUT OF VENGEANCE, TO FUCK HIM UP because Herakles is being a giant asshole, wrecking up Greece, partying as much as he likes, flaunting his rapes and his victims in her face(this is VERY RELEVANT given the nature of other versions of this story), and leaving her to run his household alone while ordering her around like she’s a slave rather than his Wife.

These are mutually exclusive: she cannot be both seeking to punish him, and trying, in anguished desperation, to keep him faithful to her[3].

Herakles in this story, as is ALWAYS THE CASE IN ALL HIS STORIES, is flaunting the boundaries of Proper Behavior, in this case those defining a happy and successful marriage(IE Hera’s Domain; which you’d THINK would be kind of relevant, given the deep narrative connection between Hera and Herakles and her quickness to anger regarding marriage violations, yet it somehow perennially goes unmentioned), and getting punished for it.

Now here’s an ADDED kicker. There’s a version of this story were Herakles initiates the conflict. one day he visits the house of Deianira’s father, Dexamenus, and while a guest, rapes her. Dexamenus can’t fight Herakles, of course, but he demands by the gods and tradition that Herakles marry Deianira to “repair” the injury(WE LIVE IN HELL!), and Herakles agrees. After he leaves to prepare for the wedding, a local Centaur, Eurytion(name meaning “Widely Honored”) visits Dexamenus and proposes to marry Deianira himeself(you know: without the whole BEING HER RAPIST thing), and Dexamenus complies. Herakles arrives a few days later, kills Eurytion, and sees that their marriage is carried out. Presumably in this version, the blood poisoning the cloak would be Eurytion’s.

What I’ve tried to get across here is that, among other things, there are readings of this myth were Herakles is the bad guy and Deianira the agent of divine punishment, if not the actual Protagonist. And those readings suggest certain ideas we would be prone to consider “modern” about the agency of women, consent, personal and social boundaries, morality, Greek ~Heroic Masculinity~, and yes even Centaurs, might not have been so alien and “anachronistic” to the ancient Greek mind as we tend to think.

But anyway, even if you think that particular part of my little argument here is total Bunk, I hope I’ve managed to get across that Deianira and the Cloak is a myth Absolutely LOUSY with the theme of Boundaries, what they mean, what it means to Cross them, and the Consequences for which you Cross, when, how, and plain just choosing to cross them in the first place. It’s a really great example for him to suggest for this particular topic, and it really inspired me quite a lot today, and I just wish there was a lecture online where he developed it further uwu

[1]And not only that, but of course owning horses was a common sign of aristocratic status, and trading horses a common aristocratic activity(this is one way you know Hesiod’s claims of poverty are a put-on; his family breeds and sells horses). I feel like it’s pretty well understood that Centaurs are in someway a commentary and meditation upon the nature of Greek masculinity, on the capacity for violent cruelty and wanton appetite Greeks inculcated men into beside all the talk of civilized society, but I also feel it’s less well understood how open they also are to a similar reading regarding the appetites and barbaric capacities specifically of the upper classes of Greek society.

[2]In some versions Nessos and Herakles actually have a history, and the whole incident is Nessos’s attempt at vengeance. There is another story, where Herakles visits a centaur who is his friend named Pholos, and a gang of nearby Centaurs(I like to think they were Rowdy Teens myself u_u) smell the wine they’re drinking and crash the party to share some. Herakles, being Herakles, of course immediately begins killing them for the perceived insult, which inevitably leads NOT ONLY to Pholos dying(cuz Herakles isn’t careful and shoots him too, or in other vers bcuz he refuses to so much as retrieve his arrows from the bodies due to concerns with “pollution” from the corpses, and Pholos cuts himself on one of the arrows), but ALSO the poisoning, and eventual death, of Chiron, who was one of Pholos’s neighbors and who Herakles accidentally knicked while wildly chasing down and shooting the interlopers. Nessos is one of these Centaur teens, and the only centaur in the whole situation to survive (:T

[3]Which, btw, the whole “faithful” thing doesnt make much sense(even though it pops up regularly in Greek Myth), because her “competitor” in these versions is a slave. These next sentences are going to be gross and awful, but in the society which told these stories male slave-owners already had unrestricted sexual access to their slaves and, beyond that, I’ve never read a single example in Greek or Roman sources of a slave being legitimized and married as a wife(which doesnt mean such examples dont exist; I’m an amateur). So the idea that a slave could threaten Deianira’s position as Herakles’s wife seems very dubious to me(as does the general trope of slave women as threats to wives in Greek stories). Again: this is all super-awful, but it’s something complicating the traditional presentation of the myth, which is rarely addressed because most academics writing for a general audience are super-loath to deal with classical slavery as the awful, body and soul crushing institution which it was.

#Penn Museum #Dr. Jeremy McInerney #cw: rape #cw: slavery #Classical Greece #Centaurs #Boundaries #Myth Analysis #Mythic Themes #Agency #Female Protagonists #analytic posts #Critical Analysis #zA Opinions #Video #Youtube

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diaryofanangryasianguy · 5 years

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(1/5) I'm Mexican American, and honestly following this blog not only shows me a lot of commonalities that Asians and Latinos share, but also gives me insight to what a lot of Asians/Asian Americans go through, feel, and think through their own unique perspective, separate from my own Latino heritage. Allows me to grasp a bit of understanding of what my Asian and PI friends experience (though I understand each persons' experience is unique in itself.)

(2/5) these “teachers” stories reminds me of something my BF (of 2 years ❤️, and is Hmong) told me growing up in a white school was like for him. Quick background: He’s the 2nd youngest of 8 siblings, his parents are very traditional Hmong, his mom is a Shaman, and they don’t speak English (they are very kind to me and are 100% accepting of our relationship) (also I’m learning Hmong to communicate with them, I find it very respectful for me to learn, as my BF is learning Spanish for my family)

(3/5) My BF and I grew up in a predominantly Latino and Asian area, but he just happened to be on the line of a white school district/town so went there. Which brings me to my point: We often talk about our minority experiences, even now at our work place, school, every day interaction (especially those of “dealing” at times with white people and how can be). One thing stood out to me, and made me feel bad, was how he was teased for his Hmong physical features and culture.

(4/5) He would hate when his mom would make him some Hmong food and not sandwiches. He was embarrassed when they’d speak Hmong in public or at his school and not English. How his mom would dress him, was not “cool,” but it’s all they could afford because they were outside day laborers and factory workers. How she didn’t do things or have money like the white kids would. He was just internally and externally ashamed of his physical features and culture. *sorry for long post

(5/5) We share so much of this in common, & it’s one way I’ll say our relationship works, we understand one another’s experience as Asian/Latino American in uniqueness & similarities. He’s so much more proud of his culture as am I now it allows me to understand a portion of how Asian Americans experience life growing up here in the US. Even more so getting his perspective as a gay Hmong/Asian American. (also have commonalities culturally, but difference in our LGBT+ community experiences).

I agree with you on both our groups having a lot in common. I also grew up in predominately neighborhoods (and schools) of color with tons of Latino folks too. And when I went to college, I was actually part of a Latino fraternity lol. I was like one of the only Asian dudes but I never felt out of place or at least, they never treated me like I was different. Like even the brothers from the other chapters at different schools and stuff. I was never singled out because of my race. In fact, they even made me the leader of our pledge group (I was the only Asian). So I was the representative of the group even though I wasn’t Latino. But anyway.

So your boyfriend’s mom is a Shaman eh? I’ll admit, that’s pretty rare. As someone who’s half Hmong, I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a woman being a Shaman. Maybe one or two somewhere but they’re very rare, more like extremely tbh lol. And that’s really cool, you’re learning Hmong to communicate with his family. I don’t know any Hmong tbh so you probably know more than me! On the flip side, that’s awesome how he’s learning Spanish for your family too. It really says a lot when your partner is open to learning your language.

Yeah, your boyfriend and I have some things in common. Both born poor definitely. Though I wasn’t teased for my features, I was always teased for being half Hmong. I’m Mien and over here, other Asian groups don’t like Hmong people. So somewhat similar to your boyfriend, I’ve always been kind of iffy and off-put about being Hmong too. But at the end of the day, it’s who we are. Regardless if we resent being Hmong (or Mexican) or however someone identifies with, that’s just who we are. And somehow or someway, we should learn to love ourselves even if it’s little by little.

And no worries on the long post! Thank you actually, for writing it all out lol. Appreciate it.

Obviously I can’t go into LGBTQ+ issues but to bring it back around to Asian and Latino groups in the US, we’re definitely similar in many aspects. We have very strong roots when it comes to family and our own cultural values. We’re big on cultural foods and have family-owned restaurants. Many of us and/or our families are multilingual and the older folks always talk about how much they sacrificed for us to get here (which I’ll admit they did and still do lol). Many of our friends or family members are immigrants. And there’s a lot more but with all of these combinations, we’re also treated as outsiders.

People don’t like when we speak our languages in public. Our foods are whitewashed into giant fast-food chains. We’re seen as dirty or breeding too much. Even though there are so many different ethnic groups among Latino and Asian groups, people always think we’re only one group. Both our groups have tons of undocumented workers, many that are tricked or trafficked over here. There’s just a lot to say tbh.

Sorry, I’m rambling on but there’s just a lot lol. Glad that we’re on the same page though because I honestly wish a lot more Asian folks would try to build with Latino groups more. We have a lot in common and even though we aren’t exactly the same (no one is tbh), similarities is a powerful thing. Thanks again for sending this in and you’re always welcome to!

Angry Asian Guy

#asian american #ask #latino #long reads

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wonderlustlucas · 6 years

Text

honey - na jaemin

⇢ prompt Mara Dyer and Noah Shaw kind of love. ⇢ pairing jaemin x female reader ⇢ word count 3.9k ⇢ genre fluff ⇢ warnings an ungodly amount of fluff ⇢ summary Everyone knows Jaemin is a flirt, but only a few are lucky to truly know him. The luckiest have his love.—highschool!au ; unintentional noah shaw!au ⇢ a/n sorry for not posting anything for awhile! life’s been pretty crazy and prob will be for another month or so, but once school’s over i should be posting a lot more!! i have a lot of ideas & i would love to take requests just kno they won't be out for awhile lol:)) also i couldn't choose between these 2 gifs so i kept both hahahsahdjdfjdf ALSO PART 2 this is a late edit but,,,this is based off an american school system in case there’s confusion

moodboard

It didn't take a rocket scientist to know that Na Jaemin was an outright flirt.

Everything about him was charming in their own special way—from his very infamous beaming smile, to big brown eyes dazzling with mischief, gentle features but impeccably jovial personality, Jaemin broke hearts left and right simply by existing.

Just like the majority of those who found themselves in the unknowing hands of Jaemin, you brought it upon yourself. While you could have listened to the sensible part of your brain, telling you he was more than out of your league, something about Jaemin unexplainably drew you in and locked you there forever. And while it could have ended with a broken heart, one thing led to another and you couldn't help but feel as if it was meant to be.

Your first meeting with Jaemin was enough to have your curiosity peaked. It had been your second day at the new school, having recently moved and, evidently, needing to transfer. As if you weren't stressed enough, your locker wouldn't open.

You struggled in rushed aggravation, curling sweaty fingers around the knob and yanking as if, even after your past attempts, it would miraculously open. “I hate everything,” you hissed between breaths, twisting your wrist awkwardly in order to slip your fingertips through the cracks and somehow, someway, pop the door open.

You growled, slamming a first on the red metal with a thunderous bang because it was only your second day and you could not be late to a class for the fifth time.

You groaned obnoxiously, banging your forehead against the cold metal and accepting the fact that your life was just about worthless now—you contemplated just dropping out, giving up everything, and raising goats for the rest of your life.

“Are you alright?”

Every muscle of your body froze at the sudden voice, and when you glanced up in the direction you swallowed hard because wow, he was cute, but brushed it off and offered a weak smile. “My locker won't open,” you admitted, cringing at how pathetic the entirety of your predicament was.

However, the redhead replied with a beaming grin that reached his eyes and you nearly toppled over at just how gorgeous he was. Was it even allowed to be that attractive? You were stunned. “Lemme see,” he said, inching closer and you instinctively moved back in fear he would hear the rapid beating of your heart.

You ogled at him mindlessly as he fiddled with the shitty metal, rosebud lips pursed and defined eyebrows scrunched in concentration. Your gaze wandered to his hair, and you asked without thinking, “Are you naturally a ginger?”

He glanced up for a second, tearing his attention away from your locker and averting it to you, an impression of sweetness like vanilla pudding gracing his features. “No,” he chuckled, “it’s just dye.”

“Looks good,” you uttered back with red hotness burning up your neck, looking down at your feet even after he turned back around.

“C’mere,” he instructed seconds later, “put your knee here and push.” You did as he said, trying to sweep away the fact that he suddenly was incredibly close and instead focused on putting your weight against the metal where he pointed to.

With a strong bang against the top, Redhead managed to, somehow, pop the door open and you leaped back. “I would've never managed to do that,” you gushed, “thank you so much. I owe you one.”

“Don’t mention it,” said Redhead with a satisfied grin, and you spun around to fetch the books you came for in the first place, quietly aware of the fact that he hadn't walked away yet.

“What’s your name?” He asked suddenly and you jumped in surprise, completely and utterly flustered by his presence. There was something about him that you couldn't put a finger on, something luxurious and warm like hot tea in the dead of winter. You told him, of course, heart thumping so wildly you feared a heart attack was possible when yet another charming smile graced his face.

“I’m Jaemin,” he replied, “I guess you’re new?”

“Sadly, yes. It’s, uh, nice to meet you, despite the circumstances,” you said in hushed awkwardness, laughing quietly and mentally slapping yourself for being so cringey.

“Yeah, you too,” he smiled again, “are your fingers okay?”

“What?” You laughed shakily.

You watched in quiet admiration as he reached out and gently took hold of your free hand. “Oh,” you shrugged, forcing a smile when he pinched the crimson indent on the pad of your index finger, “that’s just from trying to get the locker open. It’ll go away.”

“Alright,” said Jaemin, big brown eyes twinkling, “I’ll see you around?”

“Sure—yeah,” you said, forcing your brain to start functioning once he let go of your hand like one would slap the television remote, “I’ll see you.”

You spun around abruptly and sped down the hall, clutching the textbook for dear life and a heavy sigh escaped your lips because holy shit. However, once you were at the end of the hallway, you made the mistake of turning around for a split second and glancing back.

The gorgeous locker-busting master was still standing there, a lazy smile displayed on his pretty face.

A few hours later, you found yourself sitting at a lunch table with a group of girls you hardly considered acquaintances, sluggishly loosening ramen in its cheap plastic cup.

“So, how’s your second day going so far?”

After a few seconds deemed way longer than necessary, you finally processed the words and realized they were meant for you. “Oh,” you coughed, shrugging and pausing your lazy ramen mixing to look up at the four girls, “it’s okay, I’m just tired.”

“Tell me about it,” said Hayley, the pretty brunette with lively hazel eyes you became especially fond of. “Have you met any more people?”

“Uh, yeah, actually,” you mumbled nonchalantly, “Jaemin’s, his name.”

All four suddenly looked at you with wide eyes and you shrunk back in your seat. “Jaemin?” They whispered in unison.

“Uh, yeah?”

They suddenly catapulted questions at you all at once, asking for a slew of details you, sadly, didn’t have. Once they calmed down, you told them of your brief encounter with the boy before asking, “Why’re you acting like it’s the end of the world?”

“He’s the cutest guy in our class.”

“In the school, you mean.”

“That’s a lie, Donghyuck is the cutest.”

“It doesn't matter! They’re all cute!”

“Jaemin is like, the cutest guy ever. And he’s such a sweetheart.”

“No way, he’s a total bad boy like the rest of them. Have you seen him at parties?”

A sigh of disinterest slipped past your lips and you went back to plopping kimchi into the steaming cup. “So, I’m assuming he’s a pretty big heartthrob around here?” You asked, slurping at the noodles and glancing back up at the girls.

“Oh, yeah. I don't know if he does it purposely, but he’s such a flirt. Everyone has been obsessed with Jaemin at one point,” the stout blonde, Daisy, said, “it’s kind of hard not to.”

You grunted in response. It’s not that you were disappointed—there was no reason to be—but hearing that the redhead’s overall beauty was already established throughout the school and that he wasn’t some shy, mysterious boy no one paid any mind to was more or less, well, disappointing.

Your second major interaction with Jaemin was puzzling in its own way. And the more you mulled over it, the more your brain became a spinning top. While you had seen him more than once during and in between classes offering quiet small talk, this was different, personal, special—no matter how long and hard you tried forgetting about it, something about the way he talked and acted was absolutely unforgettable and you couldn't stop thinking about him and that you may have stumbled upon a side of Jaemin no one else knew.

It was a Saturday night, you were home alone, glaring at the remaining boxes left in your room and discerning whether you wanted to unpack its contents. You had put it off for over a week, but the thought of having to do anything of that sort was incredibly unappealing.

Instead, you struggled into a pair of jeans and slipped on sneakers before making your way down to the garage, hopping on your bike, and speeding away with no specific destination in mind.

The bustling part of town was only ten minutes away and it didn’t take long to stumble into a shop that was still open and seemed somewhat interesting. The bookstore was small, wedged between two taller brick buildings, but warm and cozy in its own simple way. Leaving your bike locked outside, you pushed open the door and a bell jingled, notifying whoever was inside of your presence. Not surprisingly, it was empty from what you could see, and the few lights within the rosy-colored space showered the shelves with a pleasant glow that in some way made it feel like home.

It was almost eight-thirty, and you expected that the quaint store would be closing soon so you made a beeline for what you wanted. That is if they had it.

Fortunately, it didn’t take long, and you were incredibly excited that you may have, in fact, found your favorite place in this so far shitty town.

“A Separate Peace?”

You jumped, cold shivers racing down your spine at the inquiry and you spun in the direction. It was a sequel to your locker predicament, apparently, because the only redhead you had met so far was standing only a few feet away, hands deep in his pockets and looking gorgeous as always.

“You’ve read it?” You asked, ignoring the bugging curiosity within you to know whether he worked here or not and swallowing the lump of nervousness lodged in your throat.

“Have you?”

“Yeah, a few times,” you said, completely entranced with the way the warm glow of the lights made Jaemin look so incredibly unreal. “It’s a good one,” he commented, reaching for the novel in your hands and you reluctantly let him take it, “not my favorite, though.”

“What is?”

“I don’t know, honestly. I have too many,” Jaemin shrugged with a gentle smile, handing the book back to you, “how ‘bout you?”

“No, but I find myself going back to it,” you admitted, finally taking notice of the round, copper glasses sitting low on the bridge of his nose, “it has a really deep meaning that I like, I guess.”

“Have you ever read Lord of the Flies?” He asked suddenly.

“Of course. It’s a little depressing, don’t you think?”

Jaemin shrugged, “It’s realistic though. Our species is pretty shitty.” You pondered his statement and shrugged as well. “I think it was just because it was all boys,” you teased, grinning back at him when he rolled his eyes with a snicker. Without replying, Jaemin wrapped his hand around your wrist and led you to the back of the shop, the sudden act finally reminding you of just who you were talking to and an immediate blush burned its way up your cheeks.

Jaemin stopped at the back corner of the store, where an incredibly small wooden coffee table and two leather sofas, each embellished with small patches absent of leather and old pillows that reminded you of something you’d find at a yard sale, sat surrounded by more towering bookshelves. “Do you want hot chocolate?”

You finally glanced back to him, heart swelling in your chest at his kindness before nodding at his question. “What else have you read?” He asked, fidgeting with the Keurig machine hidden on the bottom shelf of the coffee table. “I don’t know, there’s a lot. Have you ever heard of the Mara Dyer trilogy?”

“I have not. Is that your favorite?”

“Yeah, that’s my favorite,” you replied, settling onto the couch and immediately moving your hand to pick at one of the tears in the leather, studying Jaemin with a certain curiosity as he searched through novels on the closest oak bookcase.

“What about this?” He asked suddenly, tossing the novel to you and luckily you were quick enough to catch it. Your mouth went slack once you realized it was the first book of Fifty Shades of Grey. “No. Have you ever read the Bible?” You fired back, blushing furiously but still glaring at him playfully.

This became a regular occurrence. At first you went in once a week just to buy a new book once you had, in fact, learned that he worked at the quiet store, but by the increasing number of visits every week it soon became clear that visiting the tiny store had more to do with the gorgeous boy working inside rather than the endless supply of novels. He’d wait to close the shop until you arrived late in the evening, hot chocolate already made and mind buzzing with thoughts about the newest book you had recommended.

The same went for you—it was an unspoken agreement to suggest new books to one another each week and return days later with thoughts about them. It had started when you caught him slipping The Unbecoming of Mara Dyer into his locker and flashed a knowing smile, which he rolled his eyes in return. A few days later, he noticed the covers of both The Great Gatsby and Wuthering Heights in your book bag and teased you nonstop.

You knew Jaemin for four months when he came into school one day with his hair dark brown, the color of espresso and chocolate and amounting to make him look much older and maturer than he had with the diluted strawberry brown. It was a surprise on that Monday morning—you hadn’t seen him at all that weekend, too preoccupied with a slew of homework to find any time to head downtown.

However, you had made it a point to call him and vent to him about your thoughts on Paper Towns, but he never mentioned the change of hair color during your hour call. And so, to see him so... so hot, even dressed in the preppy school uniform, made your skin crawl because Jaemin wasn't hot. Jaemin was cute and innocent and precious like a puppy. This.

This was different.

You were waiting at your locker, as usual, green tea in hand for him because Jaemin hated sociology first period, scrolling through Instagram with your free hand. It was the quiet hush of whispers followed by the obnoxious hoot from who you assumed are Jaemin’s friends that made you glance up, taking a slow sip of the tea just to annoy him. Lord knows, he did not like sharing his green tea or chocolate milk.

However, when he finally rounded the corner and came into full view, your heart literally, one hundred percent stopped and you suddenly forgot how to breathe. How was it that he always had to shock you? For a while, you had more or less became desensitized, say, to Jaemin’s perfection by becoming such good friends. Of course, it was impossible to not be attracted to him, but you had drilled it into your head that he was unarguably untouchable and settled that friends were better than nothing.

He sauntered his way over, running slender fingers through the new dark locks, completely oblivious to the stares he was getting before snatching the tea from your grip before you could steal another sip. “You dyed your hair,” was all you said.

“You bashed Paper Towns,” he fired back, inching closer but you barely noticed, too preoccupied fiddling with a strand of his hair in admiration. “I did not, I told you I liked it, I just wished Margo was included m—”

He kissed you.

It completely caught you off guard, you certainly weren't expecting it, having to swallow the rest of your sentence and drop your hands to grip at his fleece sweater because holy shit, he was kissing you.

Your brain short-circuited for a moment before kickstarting once more and you finally kissed him back, it was chaste and achingly raw and he pulled away before you could even process what you were doing.

You were embarrassed that your lips followed his, eager for his gentle touch and the softness of his velvet lips on yours again, but a bright grin from him settled your nerves and you were suddenly hit with the weight of your actions.

“You just kissed me,” you accused, jabbing a finger into his chest but snaking your other hand up to lay across his shoulders. “You were staring really hard, I thought it was a good opportunity,” he replied, a lackadaisical smile softening his pretty features.

“Okay,” you whispered, reaching up once more to touch his hair, “people are staring, you know.”

“Let them,” he grinned fully this time, dipping down again and pressing yet another quick kiss to your lips and you swore you never wanted to taste or feel anything else again.

The first bell rang obnoxiously and you winced, cursing the school for ruining the moment and having to keep yourself from frowning when Jaemin pulled away, even though his fingers were intertwined with yours. When did that happen?

“I’ll see you?” He asked, smiling in such a fond way you couldn’t help but smile back.

“Yeah, I’ll see you.”

The slew of questions hurled at you from both friends and strangers after that was expected, but what was more disappointing was that you didn't know.

Were the two of you dating? Talking? You didn’t know.

Since when was there something between the two of you? You didn’t know.

Was that kiss just a spur of the moment kind of thing? You didn’t know.

Or was it the beginning of something more? You didn’t know and it was starting to drive you insane. After a full week of school and no mention from either of you about whatever happened on that Monday morning, you found yourself lying in bed, wondering what the fuck was going on?

Jaemin acted as if nothing had ever happened and you hesitantly went on with it, hoping it would come up again but it never did. You didn’t go to the bookstore that week either, replying to his texts that you didn’t have time and he luckily didn't question it.

However, fate always had a way.

Saturday night, Hayley managed to get you to leave the house for some party you truly had no interest in. She claimed that you could use some drinks to get your mind off the entire situation no matter how hard you expressed to her that napping would have just the same effect.

The social event in itself reminded you of a dingy middle school basement party, fun for those who made the effort and impeccably boring for those who just watched and did not want to be there in the first place. The music was so loud it made your skin tingle and brain turn to mush, you could barely hear what Hayley whispered in your ear before she disappeared into the crowd jumping like Tic-Tacs being shaken in its container.

You sighed sadly, leaning into the counter and gazing over the multitude of drink options before loud laughter stole your attention and you glanced up. You were more than awestruck to see Jaemin decked out in white joggers and a white tee shirt, but what really shocked you was to witness his friends cheer him on as he chugged whatever liquor was in the glass bottle held to his lips.

I guess the rumors are true, you wondered, recalling all the times you heard of how hard Jaemin and his circle partied.

Jaemin suddenly pulled the bottle away with a grimace and shoved it into Jeno’s arms. Before he could walk away, Chenle grabbed him by the elbow and pulled him in close, and seconds later, Jaemin spun around and found you across the room, smiling brightly but it quickly fell because wow, since when did you wear tube tops? He was sauntering over in a blink of an eye, and it happened all too fast before you until Jaemin was standing just inches away.

“I didn’t realize you were such a skilled drinker,” you commented, raising a brow at his clouded expression. “I didn’t know you wore such revealing clothes,” he retorted, voice surprisingly clear and you presumed that was his first drink. “Shut up, Jaemin.”

“I never said I didn’t like it,” he grumbled, quieting for moment to fight an internal battle before finally caving in and reaching out to wrap his arms gently around your waist.

Needless-to-say, you were uncomfortable around Jaemin for the first time since you had met him.

The urge to kiss him was borderline unbearable, but the voices deep within you reminded you of just who it was and how he never once brought up your first kiss. And yet, here he was, the alcohol not fully in effect, pulling you into him and resting his forehead against yours.

“We should talk. About things,” you stammered out, heart beating sporadically and brain not fully functioning when he looked at you with all the wonder in the world within his big brown eyes. “Not tonight, but soon,” he sighed, lifting his head and instead tugging you into a hug, “I love you.”

Your heart stopped beating. The music stopped roaring. The students stopped dancing. The world stopped rotating. The universe and everything in it completely stopped.

He what?

“What?” You laughed shakily, leaning backward to look at his pretty face once more and finding not a trace of laughter. “You heard me. I love you,” he smiled softly.

“Jaemin, don’t say that. High school relationships are dumb, it’s all bullshit. Love is a very dangerous thing, you can't just throw that out there,” you stammered, not realizing you were holding onto his arms with an iron grip until he took your hands in his.

“Good thing we’ll be graduating and won’t be in high school much longer then, because I’m absolutely in love with you,” Jaemin whispered, you could feel the genuineness laced in his words and nearly toppled over. He loved you?

You stared at him silently, his confession seeping slowly into the confines of your brain and heart like molasses. It felt somewhat like a dream, like none of him was real and you were only imagining his sincerity and his beauty and his lips. It was soft and sweet like honey the way you kissed him, shutting out the rest of the world and focusing only on him because holy shit, “I love you,” you muttered, pulling him close again and he finally relaxed in your arms.

You loved him. More than you knew you had. Maybe it was when he had kissed you Monday morning in front of everyone you realized you loved him. Or maybe you fell in love with him the first Saturday night at the bookstore, when you drank hot chocolate and talked about novels even though he was a stranger. Or maybe you loved him the first time you met him when he went out of his way to pop open your doomed locker.

Whenever it was, you knew you loved Jaemin and he loved you. And even though humanity was pretty messed up like it is in Lord of the Flies and there should have been more about Margo in Paper Towns, maybe you would have a Mara Dyer and Noah Shaw kind of love forever.

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desertwillowmod · 6 years

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MY GEODE THEORY MIGHT ACTUALLY HAVE SOME POSSIBILITY?!

Alright, I had a theory 2 years back regarding Steven’s birth and how Rose is not truly gone.

Originally, I thought that Rose’s created an artificial womb not like a humans, but instead, more like Geode. Growing a new gem in herself to create merge life essence of her and Greg. I also put in there that Garnet somewhat knew about this. The how and why was never touched upon, because I couldn’t explain it before.

BECAUSE OF THESE NEW EPISODES, THINGS HAVE CHANGED NOW HOLD POSSIBLE TRUTH in some areas.

Geode Theory (revisited):

Here in this theory, Pink as Rose did create the womb and used her power (The same she used to create the fake shard for her supposed death) to create a base for Steven/Nora (since she didn’t know at the time if she was to have either babe..it it worked). With the life force from Greg and magic/life force of Rose Quartz aka Pink Diamond, she was successful in producing the first known gem/human hybrid. However, a conundrum came into mind. There can’t be two of her. What if the baby looked like her previous form? What if someone figured out who she was and how would she explain that there are 2 of her? Two Pink Diamonds/Rose Quartz’s? How? Something is not right? Also, producing such and unusual hybrid takes a lot of energy. Producing a gem is one thing, but combining 2 different beings life forces and making them into a separate representation of fusion? Even for a Diamond, I feel it would very stressful on her magic and physical form that she had held for so long.

I don’t believe she is really Steven’s gem now. Instead, she birthed Steven, but she went to her gem state separate from Steven himself. Instead of Garnet and Pearl knowing, she kept it secret that they were going to be separate entities. Greg...might actually know what happened to her and the plan. He, like Pearl, might have kept a secret to honor his lover’s wishes. (Possibly, Lion was part of the plan too to hide the original Pink Diamond’s gem somehow. He is pink, but possibly is hiding her in someway. You can interpret that anyway you wish for a theory for another day).

When she mentions in the video, she was going to become half of him, I now think that he inherited a lot of her abilities that she wouldn’t he able to do anymore once she went through with it, making her vulnerable and weaker as a leader. Because of this, the reason she would go into hiding is not only to avoid confusion for the Crystal Gems, but to recover as well from such a stressful situation/recover after what she did. She can’t maintain the fake physical form. She can possibly retain her default form though. And that is a problem. If the Crystal Gems figured out who she was, this would cause so much confusion an possibly tear the gems apart.

Basically, there can’t be 2 diamonds. Her secret would exposed and cause the entire group to fall apart.

It was of best interest to seem like she herself had become Steven, when in reality, she is now in hiding to recover enough so that one day she will possibly return. If ever. To avoid confusion and to “go back.”

Is she a terrible mother/Leader? That part is up for you to determine. Personally, I believe she did what had to be done at the time to protect herself and everyone around her. She made a lot of mistakes and made a lot of decisions some would find “deceptive”. Just remember that our entire human history is full of Pink Diamonds. Some decisions were for the good others and did well while decisions went super sour. It depends on their mentality and understanding of the world around them. And possibly maturity level. By the time she met Greg, she had matured enough to understand what she did and her mistakes, Does she feel guilty for it...I believe so, but she doesn’t know how to fix it. No one taught her. Plain and simple. Even then she was still learning. But I am getting ahead of myself..

Another reason I believe they are separate...is because of Rose’s room. I honestly believe in the possibility that she used the room to spend time with her son and talk to him for a short time in her fake form. The room was the easiest way to do it without exposing the secret. Again this is just a personal thing. It can be wrong, but I like the idea she was trying to be with him in some way.

Anyway, hope you like the more revised version of the theory and would like to add something to it. Or try to find holes, Either way, I would like to read your thoughts~ <3

Stay tumblin’ everyone~

#steven universe #pink diamond #rose quartz #theory #Geode Theory

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a-l-y-s-s-a-w · 4 years

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five scars

To a hero, scars are a mark of pride to be celebrate. For others, they are a mark of a time to be forgotten. For some, they are a reminder of what was. To me, they are all of these things. They are moments and feelings wrapped up in difficult lessons and warnings for the future. Scars start out raw, but over time they make for stories to remember. I was recently reflecting on some of my own scars, five to be exact. They sit with me the way putty sits on walls – prominent at first, but will eventually blend in with the rest of the wall and at some point, you nearly forget it was puttied up in the first place.

1. Family is important. I have always taken my family for granted. I always just think, "well these are the people that you randomly got assigned to at birth" (lol I'm not adopted!) and that's that. From the start, my family has always just been there so I never put much thought into the fact that I would have to actively choose my own someday. My mentality for so long has been, "well if they're always there then you don't really have to try" and in a way, it has led me to be passive and distant. But that's totally backwards. Your family will be the ones that are always there, so that's who your energy should go towards. The decision to bring someone into such a lifelong unit is huge. It overwhelms me if I think too hard. But the perks outweigh all of that! You get to have people that have seen you grow up, you get to have lifelong advocates, you get to have people that are simply for you (i.e. your advocates), and people that will be forever bonded to you. When the unavoidable demands of work exist, who gets the time and energy you have remaining? When you don't have a lot leftover, family is what's left. It's meant to be invested in. Of course, there is the disclaimer that not all families operate in this sort of healthy way and often do require separation. However in this most optimistic version, my heart seriously glows thinking of this beautifully intimate picture. How wild is it that we have the capability to even bring to life this deep bond (whether it be through marriage or having kids)? I will be forever grateful to remember this model and importance.

2. Saying no is healthy. Maybe I should disclaimer this with *sometimes healthy, because I do believe you can say no too much. But for someone like me who naturally drifts far away from this concept, it's simply healthy. I never really understood why saying no mattered. I often felt like saying no was a weakness – it revealed a lack of ability, a reflection of my own deficiencies. To people, I felt like saying no was a sure-fire way to lose relationships – it was letting someone down, not providing the value I am "meant" to provide them, it was not living up to my purpose. But underneath these twisted feelings are even more dangerous ones – pride, co-dependency, and a misplaced identity. They have so often inhibited my satisfaction, covered up my actual emotions, and created in me a robot who merely executes. But I've learned that saying no actually makes the times you do say yes all the more meaningful. Saying no is a way of prioritizing your own life (whether it be social, emotional, mental, spiritual) as you are meant to. For me, saying no has become a simple word of freedom. It's been freedom from resting my identity in the submission to the requests of others, it's been freedom from the arbitrary concept of what I "ought to do". I've learned to also not take it personally! Saying no has never been saying the same thing as saying "I hate you". It's never been the same thing as telling someone "you're worthless to me" and therefore, "worthless to the world". In the same way, just disagreeing with someone doesn't all of a sudden make their care go away. Saying no and care can DO co-exist, even just within the self. This will be something I will always be improving in, but the weight that has been lifted (and self-love I feel) in applying these concepts is extraordinary. side note: this was one of my six 2020 resolutions!! i'm encouraged that progress in this aspect of my life is underway.

3. Care looks different for different people. When I write this out, I nearly feel embarrassed by it's simplicity. I've always been one to look at the underlying heart. To me, the intention and motivation is 1000x more interesting than the action in which it manifests itself. I've always thought that care although on the outside looks different, on the inside is the same. People want to feel purpose, they want to feel actually cared for and seen, they want to make meaning of either themselves or the world around them. And while I'm still convinced those things aren't not true, I have come to understand it's so much more complex than that. Maybe being around people who are similar, from similar backgrounds with similar mindsets has not helped me in learning this. But most notably, my pride has been the barrier. I always think there's something behind something, or that someone is actually wanting something when they say the other thing, and that I know best. I'm seriously so annoyed at myself for thinking this way!! But all of these things have reminded me that people are actually different, and differences are OK. Perhaps it just took experiencing things differently to be humbled. This scar might just be the longest of them all, it's maybe my saddest scar too. So often I have dug and found that there were things behind what someone said or moments where that same digging led to someone actually feeling cared for or celebrated. But I also remember that that's not my job. That's not on me to have to go looking for those, sometimes because I'm simply wrong. Care really does look different for each person. This deep scar reminds me to live each day in complete honesty with myself and others, it reminds me to respect others by accepting what they say. I am really humbled and grateful for the ways that we gain new perspectives from our opposites.

4. You should always hope. The world is a dark place. We have dark thoughts, we lean into the darkness which covers and we hide from the light which exposes. We each learn to acknowledge our own shortcomings but somehow, someway we still manage to have hope. This point is less of a learning than it is a reminder that I’ve learned – does that make sense? I am encouraged by the way hope exists even in dark places. I am comforted by knowing despair will not fully come. No matter the circumstance or outcome, no matter the feeling of being stuck, you should always get up and try again, even if in small ways. This scar brings me the most comfort because it's a reminder that you'll never be fully lost. (ha! try to interpret that ambiguous paragraph junk)

5. Plans aren't everything. A simple learning but one that took me a long time to understand, let alone live into. I've made significant progress in this regard so I'll keep it short. I used to think that plans were the way to ensure something turned out well – otherwise, you might run into inefficiencies and limitations you could have easily avoided. Similar to the concept of saying no, while you shouldn't avoid plans like the plague, plans really aren't everything. They don't ensure that you maximize everyone's happiness or the outcome, they don't guarantee that things will go smoothly. Actively being reminded of this has been a comfort and encouragement to me. Witnessing the giving of time freely without agenda reminds me that the time given is what's important, not the activity that fills it. As I have embraced this concept, I have found freedom and capacity. To not have plans but instead cherish the spontaneity of moments has relieved both the burden of planning on myself and led to so much richer experiences and interactions than I could have planned. In tandem with "saying no", it has also made realize that my capacity to commit is much less when I actually take care of myself. I can't make nearly as many plans as I used to be able to - either because I get too tired or because I simply don't want to. But the thing is, when I do make plans then again it's all the more something to look forward to and all the more present I get to be. --

I sit in these reflections with gratitude. I acknowledge my own growth & continuing need for it. With a settling in my heart, a breath of release and hope for the future, I embrace these scars.

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elliemarchetti · 6 years

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The Deal part 4

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Other Harry Potter fics:

Somewhere to Start (part 2) (part 3) (part 4) (part 5) (part 6)

Slytherin!Hermione AU (part 2) (part 3) (part 4) (part 5)

The Polaroids The Sixth and Seventh Polaroids

Words: 2155

Since Draco had broken his arm, Hermione had become someway his caregiver: she carried around his bag, did his homework and helped him in all those activities that otherwise would’ve been more difficult for him, and not because she have to do it, but because she felt terribly guilty; of course she had probably saved him from a much more serious damage, but it was her who had cast the Depulso spell on him. Since he had been taken to the infirmary, on Monday morning, he had lost at least two really important lessons, but Hermione had taken care to take notes for him during Potions and to pass on her notes of History of Magic, so that he doesn’t have to recover. In the days when he was absent from classes she had always gone to visit him, both alone and accompanied, partly to be forgiven, partly because she lacked his constant presence around, but see him in the classroom, halfway through that Thursday morning, was a real relief: he entered swaggered into the dungeon, his right arm covered in bandages and bound up in a sling, looking like the heroic survivor of some dreadful battle. Snape greeted him with a grunt, and Draco sat next to Hermione, who shared the worktable with Harry and Ron, in absence of her usual companion.

“How is it, Draco?” simpered Hermione “Does it hurt much?”

Draco rolled his eyes: “As I already told you four hours ago, I’m fine, I’m not about to die. I have to keep this thing for at least a week more but it’s not as bad as it seemed, but you already know this too, because you’re stubborn and you stood here while Madame Pomfrey treated me.”

Hermione just smiled, but didn’t answer, cutting the daisy’s roots for him too. They were making a new potion, a Shrinking Solution, and it required a lot of precision. She was skinning Draco’s shrivelfig when she noticed Neville’s potion: it was totally wrong, and he must’ve forgotten that, in this case, the caterpillar head was used, since two insects’ heads stood on the table. Everything became even worst, however, when he added too much wormwood infusion. Hermione couldn’t quite stop him, and watched his potion change abruptly, shift from acid green to orange.

“Don’t tell me you want to help that whiny pig.” Draco said, trying to juice the leeches for both of them, in hope to be useful. The girl glared at him, but he ignored her.

“You know Neville’s my friend.” she said, hoping to make him understand his mistake.

“I also know that that potion has to be completely redone, in order to make it at least acceptable.” Draco noted, calmly. He was right, and Hermione knew it, so she wasn’t amazed by Snape’s outburst when he realized the mistake.

“What do I have to do to make you understand, Longbottom?“ he asked, as a closure. Neville didn’t answered, and everybody in the class stood silent, looking at the poor boy.

“Maybe pair him with someone competent could be a great start.” said Hermione. She knew she had just signed her own death sentence, that even Draco’s presence wouldn’t stop her professor’s fury, but she didn’t cared as long as he stopped yelling at Neville, whose face was as pale as a rag

“And who would you suggest, Granger? Yourself?” he asked, in a derogatory tone. A defiant smile was painted on her lips. If that man wanted war, he would have.

“Actually, I was thinking of Theodore, who’s working with Blaise, even if they’re both particularly fond of the subject, while neither Neville nor Lily seem to know what you’re talking about, Sir.” Hermione finished, throwing a meaningful glance at Theodore, who seemed about to want to put his head in the cauldron and drown himself with his perfect potion.

“I think she’s right.” Draco agreed. “I would offer myself as a volunteer but unfortunately with the broken arm I would be of little help.”

Snape seemed to evaluate the issue more than he should, and even had to realize that the whole class was staring at him, wondering why he hadn’t yet agreed to that brilliant suggestion.

“And so be it,” Snape hissed, annoyed. “But I will take five points from Gryffindor for your insolence.” he sentenced, but the girl didn’t care: she would raise the score once the potion was over and Snape was renowned for trying to favor his House in all ways, even the less orthodox ones.

“Why did you help me?” Hermione asked as she hurriedly put away her books and Draco’s. They were alone in the basement, and not even Snape had taken care to keep an eye on them: he probably thought that his pupil would never steal anything from his classroom. Maybe it was true, maybe not; Hermione had never asked Draco to steal something for her.

“You care about that guy, and I was rude, I wanted you to forgive me.” he answered quietly. Since they had quarreled, two weeks before, her friend seemed more comfortable talking about his feelings. “Besides, I don’t want the only professor who favors me to be accused of Neville’s death only because the boy has a delicate heart.” added Draco, to lighten the mood. Hermione punched him on the healthy shoulder and they left the classroom laughing but her mood changed abruptly a couple of hours later, when she was in her room, studying for the theoretical Potions test Snape planned for next Tuesday, when she noticed that she took Draco’s book and gave Draco hers. She was ready to get up and go to the dungeons to find him when a white piece of paper dropped on the floor. It was hidden between the pages, and Hermione certainly didn’t have the right to read it, but it was a too great temptation. It took little to realize that it was a letter from his parents. He must have been his father to write, but he always spoke for his wife as well, as if the family were something impossible to separate.

Although we are more than satisfied with your grades, and we are grateful that your arm is slowly healing, we cannot ignore that it was a Muggleborn to hurt you that way, nor can we overlook the fact that you so shamelessly lied to us: did you believe that no one would come to tell us how things really went? In any case, we will take serious measures. We have already started to talk to the principal, although I am sure that the old man isn’t going to listen to us. For your own good, and for that of the good name of the family, we ask you, again, to stop attending certain poor companies that don’t fit at all with your rank and your blood status. If you continue with this policy, you leave us no choice but to send you to Durmstrang next year. Igor will understand the reasons of our choice and will be able to guide you in the best way. We rely on your common sense.

Hermione was speechless. For the rest of the afternoon she couldn’t do anything except turn that letter in her hands, as if reading it endlessly could change the meaning of those words. What should she have done different? And should she tell him she knew or she should remain silent and enjoy the last moments together? Perhaps, if only she had stayed away from him, his parents would’ve allowed him to stay and they could’ve had a few moments stolen here and there over the years: it wasn't exactly how Hermione had imagined things would’ve gone, but it was better than nothing. She was brooding for so long that she barely noticed that Ginny had entered the room to call her for dinner. In the Great Hall, Hermione tried to avoid the look of her friend who kept trying to get her attention throughout the dinner and had to run away before the end to prevent him from approaching her but the worst part was the night, after Ginny had sent her a note from the boy, who wanted to know what he had done wrong; Hermione hadn’t the faintest idea how to answer him and she wondered if it would’ve been better if she hadn't done it at all, although Draco deserved an explanation. The next day, with deep circles around her eyes, that were tired and a little reddened by tears, Hermione confronted him in the Great Hall, handed him back his Potions book and told him to stay away from her, although knowing that those would be the last words they would exchange broke her heart more than she would’ve believed. For a couple of days he tried to face her, looking for a motivation that he should’ve given himself, but she was always surrounded by her housemates, that hardly seemed to have noticed her pain, too happy that she had abandoned their worst enemy’s company.

“Finally! I thought you would never ditch him!” Ron said to her one day and although he had been more insensitive than usual, she merely smiled sadly, too tired to respond. Harry, who instead noticed that something was wrong, gave him a dirty look and for that small gesture Hermione was grateful to him, until she found Draco in the deserted Common Room, waiting for her. She didn't even have to ask who had brought him in or pretended not to know why he was there, because he held the letter in his hands, so they sat together in front of the extinguished fireplace, a sign that school was about to end.

“Did you really believe that my parents' threats would somehow stop me?” he asked, looking for her gaze. Hermione couldn’t stand what she knew she would read in his icy eyes, so she stared stubbornly at the floor, until the silence reached out long enough to make her understand that Draco wouldn’t add anything else till she answered him.

“I knew you wouldn't stop, so I had to do it! Do you think I wouldn't want things to come back like before? Do you think I wouldn't spend my time with you rather than in my room or with Harry and Ron? Do you know they do nothing but talk about Quidditch and treat me as if I bother them? Yet I remain there, and I’ll continue to do so, because if you continue to spend time with me sooner or later you’ll have to leave and I’ll be alone and I don't think I could bear your absence once I’m alone.” she blurted out, and the words came out like a flood, breaking through the fragile banks that she had so carefully built in those days. Even the tears began to press down on her eyes, but she forced herself to hold them, not for Draco but for the curious who leaned over both corridors that faced the dormitories. Out of the corner of her eye she recognized Fred's face, which didn’t seem happy with the turn things were taking, or perhaps only with seeing Malfoy in his territory. Recently the most outgoing of the twins had begun to behave strangely with her, as if desperately looking for a way to get her attention; if only she could like his company as she liked Draco's, she and her closest friend wouldn't have found each other entertained on that conversation.

“Hermione, you’re not alone and you’ll never be, not only because I won’t leave but also because you have Pansy, Millicent and Lily who love you and would do anything for you, including hitting me with a book, which happened a few days ago, since they were convinced that I had made you change your mind about the whole House.” he said, snatching her a little laugh. She could already imagine the scene and she knew that, despite her stature, it was Pansy who hit him. “We don't care what House you’re in or who your parents are, you’re one of us and you will always remain, got it?”

She nodded but it didn't solve the problem with his parents.

“It’ll take time, especially for my father, but he’ll understand your worth. Now, if you agree, could you come with me to the dungeons since Theodore threaten to kill me if I hadn't come to apologize for whatever I did?”

Hermione nodded, wondering if this was his way of telling her that his friends weren't aware of the contents of the letter.

“And what about that?” she asked, looking at the letter still in his hand, just before taking the stairs that led to the door hidden by the portrait. He crumpled it and threw it into one of the Common Room trash can but he couldn’t have made a bigger mistake.

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thatguyandy-02 · 7 years

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Justice League - Review

Growing up, one of my favorite cartoons to watch every Saturday morning was the Justice League cartoon. Looking back, I can honestly say that is where my love for these modern day mythological heroes began. Whether it was a story detailing where one’s devotion truly lies, their heart or their duty, or a story about trying to relax for the holidays, ‘Justice League’ taught me that it is possible to come from different walks of life, want different things, go down separate paths, but still come out a better person. Also, it was just a cool thing to watch! Presently the DC Cinematic Universe has had a bit of a stubble with their movies. I loved ‘Man of Steel’, loathed ‘Batman v. Superman’, try my best to forget ‘Suicide Squad’, and loved ‘Wonder Woman’. So walking into this one, I kept my expectations like I have learned to have them: low to the ground. And having just seen the movie I can confidently say that I had...fun watching it.

The most important aspect of this movie are of course the league themselves and the chemistry they have with one another; which I’m glad to report the cast knocked out of the park. Ben Affleck and Gal Gadot continue to fit into their roles perfectly; from Batman’s stoic demeanor, to Wonder Woman radiating fun and hope. Jason Momoa meanwhile brings a humor to Aquaman that I didn’t know he needed. While making me grin with his look being a nod to the early 2000’s grizzled war king, his attitude as the pessimistic too-cool-for-school jock clashed so well with Batman’s previously said cold demeanor. Newcomer Ray Fisher somehow pulls off the task of being the straight laced tech guy of the group with Cyborg, and manages to balance that with his ongoing feelings of being cursed with his new body. And finally Ezra Miller will make you smile from ear to ear as The Flash. It seems the producers told him to infuse a bit of Peter Parker into his performance as the Barry Allen Flash, which did throw me off at first, but seeing the innocence of his youth and the start of his character become the heart of the group, course corrected any doubts I had. And for as little as their roles were, J.K. Simmons (Commissioner Gordon), Amy Adams (Lois Lane), Jeremy Irons (Alfred Pennyworth), don't overstay their welcome and play well off of the heroes.

One good constant in the DC films that has continued onto this movie is the score, composed nicely by Danny Elfman. I am a sucker for the scores he produced for ‘Spider-Man 2’, ‘Hulk’, and of course ‘Hellboy 2’. But what tickled my fancy was his inclusion of the main themes from the 1989 Batman film, the Richard Donner Superman movie, as well as bringing back Wonder Woman’s theme. Somehow, someway, Elfman managed to blend it all smoothly with his new music; I in particular love the track “The Final Battle”. I also need to thank ‘Wonder Woman’ the film for finally getting it through DC’s head to not be afraid of color, sunlight, and laughs. Never once during this film did I ever complain about the monochrome color palette, because save for a few night exterior shots, there never was! People actually crack a joke here! And without spoiling moments, specific character quirks end up playing very well against huge fights that happen. It is also known that Zack Snyder’s daughter tragically committed suicide during the filming of ‘Justice League’, hence Joss Whedon stepping up to finish the other half. For a movie under the direction of two people, this movie’s tone is MUCH more consistent than ‘Rogue One’ or ‘Suicide Squad’. It didn’t feel like a clunky mess.

However, where the film stumbles and nearly crashes is with its villain, Steppenwolf, and his motivations for showing up and wrecking shop. Holy geez, they must have taken all the monochrome originally made for the scenery, jacked it up by five, and injected it all into the design of Steppenwolf. Nevermind the green oracle look made by the legend Jack Kirby, and forget the warrior red/black scheme he had going on for him during the early 2010’s: let’s make him grey. Just 100% grey. And just because we like rehashing old stories (from 4 years ago) let’s give him Zodd’s desires! There are times where you feel like his teleportation powers are such a crutch because he will quite seriously show up, and then leave. He never feels like a presence and thus I never really cared about him. That all being said, his introduction and the ensuing battle is one of the best to ever come out of a DC film and I feel does establish SOME threat he represents. Going back to the story, being under two hours long it will feel very rushed at some points. Things just sort of...happen. Luckily there is a through line and an end goal that are solid enough to hold it scotch taped together, but this does affect the connections with some characters; particularly Cyborg. As a comics fan, I know his backstory, but not everyone is me. So at times his past will feel very murky, and his choices might seem to flip flop, though not as egregiously as some people in ‘Suicide Squad’.

All in all, ‘Justice League’ is a fun watch. While not the course correction Warner Bros. might be hoping for, it is a step in the right direction. See this as the love child between ‘Man of Steel’ & ‘Wonder Woman’ and what we can only hope will be better films to see. It is not one glaring flaw, but just a bit messy with its execution. The camaraderie and dedication of its cast push it past the finish line, and I can honestly say that I will go see it again.

Overall recommendation: catch a matinee in IMAX.

#justice league #movie #review #zack snyder #joss whedon #batman #wonder woman #cyborg #aquaman #the flash #superman

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hprarepairnet · 7 years

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the wet spot

pairing: cedric diggory x pansy parkinson

setting: modern, non-magical au

word count: 1,660

get to know our members challenge: favorite rare-pairs | (2/5) - andrea

Cedric wakes up feeling good.

It’s early, the barest hint of summer-yellow sunshine peeking in through the blinds, but not so early that his eyes are dry and gritty with leftover exhaustion. He’s a little sore, a few choice muscle groups registering stiff and vaguely tender, and his body’s buzzing with a bone-deep, entirely primal sort of satisfaction. The noisy uncertainty that’s plagued most of his thoughts since leaving school; it’s gone. His head is clear. He has energy. And his sheets are rumpled, and his boxers are missing, and he isn’t alone.

He isn’t alone.

The girl in his bed—Pansy, Pansy Parkinson, he remembers how utterly charmed he’d been by her name—is still sleeping, face relaxed and hair gently tousled, and she’s perfect.

Long, sooty lashes sweep across the apples of her cheeks, and her adorably freckled nose is turned up just so towards the end, and the remnants of her lipstick are smeared in a cherry-red cloud around the edges of her mouth. She’d ordered her whiskey neat, and his vodka straight, and she’d untucked his shirt for him before dragging him out onto the dancefloor, looping his tie around her wrist and laughing into his ear when he stumbled and singing along—in French—to the Eurotrash electro-pop anthem that had been blaring through the overhead speakers, the humming thud of the bass and the languid rocking of her hips and the slick, salty slide of her skin against his distracting him from how much he usually hated places like that.

And then she’d kissed him in the backseat of a cab, trailed her fingers down his chest and teased his lips open with the tip of her tongue and she’d tasted like bourbon and cigarettes and cinnamon, sweet and tart and smooth and rich and earthy—she’d tasted like all the reasons he’d moved to New York in the first place, and it had been exhilarating, it had been exceptional—

Her eyes flutter open.

“Hey,” he murmurs, flashing her a warm, inviting, helpless smile.

Pansy freezes mid-yawn, and then she blinks, twice, lifting her head off her pillow just enough to squint at him in obvious confusion. “What the fuck are you still doing here?” she asks, voice sharp with incredulity.

Cedric’s smile falters. “We, uh, we slept together last night.”

Pansy puffs her cheeks out, blowing blunt-cut blonde bangs off her forehead. “Yeah,” she says, somehow slowly enough to imply that he’s a moron, but also quickly enough to imply that she’s already bored. “I know. I was there.”

He rubs at his neck. “Uh. So.” He tries to think back to what he’d done with Cho when they’d still been together. “Breakfast? I can make—crepes? Or—or we could go out? There’s this place around the corner that does really great omelets, it’s—”

“Are you, like…high, or something?” Pansy interrupts, and then firmly shakes her head. “No, I don’t care, actually, just—what are you still doing here? Seriously.”

Cedric furrows his brow. “I—uh, live here? This is my apartment?”

She freezes again, expression flickering with surprise, consternation, and, finally, genuine alarm. “Oh, fuck,” she blurts out, sitting up with a wince. She knocks his well-worn copy of Ulysses off his bedside table in her haste to reach for her phone, and when she sees the time, she swears again. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, I’m so fucking late, fucking—Disney prince assholes—fuck—”

Pansy Parkinson is up and dressed and out his front door before Cedric can figure out how to ask her for her number.

Cedric had been crowned prom king in high school.

That same night, he’d his virginity to Cho Chang on a king-sized bed in the Presidential suite of the downtown Marriott.

Neither of them had really known what they were doing, and there’d been some fumbling, some laughter, some awkward, red-faced mishandling of the condom—but they’d figured it out, eventually, and it had been about as good as it could’ve been, considering. He’d come too fast, of course, and she hadn’t come at all, unfortunately, be he’d assumed that sex was probably just one of those things he’d have to work at; to practice. That was fine. He hadn’t minded the idea of putting in a little extra effort. He’d spent eight painstaking months compiling a portfolio for architecture school, after all.

Sex couldn’t be harder than that.

The second time Cedric runs into Pansy Parkinson, he’s at a dingy midtown sports bar with his firm’s latest batch of interns, and he’s had just enough beer that he actually thinks he’s hallucinating.

She’s—well, she’s a vision in thigh-high fishnet stockings and a green plaid pinafore, a buttery brown leather jacket resting on the bar stool next to hers, ankles crossed and elbows propped up and gaze so flatly, furiously unimpressed with whatever it is she’s reading on her iPad that he spares a moment to question his own sanity before tapping her on the shoulder.

“Pansy Parkinson,” he greets her. “What a surprise.”

If he’s being honest with himself, he’s not really that surprised. He’d known—somehow, somewhere, someway—that he’d see her again. She was special. She was important. He could feel it.

“Oh, my god,” Pansy sighs, tilting her head back to scowl at the ceiling. “You’re not a stalker, right? Like. I don’t have time for a stalker right now, okay?”

Cedric gestures wordlessly to the pitcher of Rolling Rock he’s holding. Some sloshes over the rim, splattering his watch. “No,” he replies, good-naturedly. “I’m, uh…bonding with my underlings, I guess?”

She glances behind him, presumably over to where the interns are sitting, and then she smirks. “Look at you,” she drawls, “buying beer and making dad jokes.”

Cedric flushes at that. “I’m barely older than them.”

“Yeah,” Pansy says, sounding more amused than he thinks the situation technically warrants. But then again—he’s a little bit proud, maybe, of being able to make her sound like that. The tired frustration that had been pulling at the thin skin around her eyes is gone now. “That’s kind of my point.”

Cedric had dated Cho for years.

For years.

And he’d loved her, he had, because loving Cho had been easy. She’d been beautiful, and she’d been sweet, and she’d been soft, the kind of girl who always smelled like vanilla cupcakes and lavender shampoo. Their relationship had been the steadiest, sturdiest, most reliable part of his whole life. It had been instinctive. Reflexive. Like looking in the rearview mirror before backing out of his parents’ driveway.

He’d loved her.

He had.

The third, fourth, and fifth times he runs into Pansy Parkinson are on purpose.

She explains to him, in a tone lofty with derision, that she’s the assistant of the assistant of the editor-in-chief at some very high-profile fashion magazine Cedric’s never heard of, and that her hours are ridiculous.

“It’s obviously not what I moved here to do, but…” she trails off, shrugging, and then takes a leisurely sip of her latte. She’s good at that, he’s noticed. Feigning indifference. Pretending not to care. “Baby steps, or whatever, you know?”

“Yeah,” he says, because he does know. His most recent bid at work was for an addition to some old guy’s penthouse; he wanted a separate suite of rooms to display his apparently very vast collection of Renaissance-era sex toys. “When did you move here, then?”

Pansy’s jaw tightens for a split-second. “Two years ago,” she answers, toying with the buttons on the side of her phone. Her nails are painted a glossy dark purple, and a multi-tiered silver ring shaped like a snake is wrapped around her thumb. “I, um, went to Parsons. For a while.”

Cedric tears at the corner of his croissant, scattering paper-thin slivers of almonds across his plate. “You’ll figure it out, you know,” he tells her, nudging her knee underneath the café table. “You will.”

“Figure what out?”

“What you want.”

Her eyes widen, slightly, the blue-black of her mascara catching a stray beam of sunlight—and he remembers, suddenly, how peaceful she’d looked, that first morning after. Forehead smooth, and features relaxed, and something impossibly graceful—improbably pretty—about the way the bow of her upper lip had curved up and out.

He aches, just a little, at the memory.

Cedric had been relieved when he’d broken up with Cho.

He’d felt guilty, actually, about not feeling guiltier about the whole thing.

But he’d been twenty-two and freshly graduated and resolutely planning his future around the acceptably benign template of a nine-to-five job and a white picket fence in the suburbs and a wife who would greet him every day with a lukewarm kiss on the cheek and a fill-in-the-blanks conversation about PTA meetings and orange slices and SUV net-safety ratings and how she might maybe technically be having an affair with her tennis instructor and Cedric—

Cedric had been suffocating, and nothing had even happened yet.

The sixth time he runs into Pansy Parkinson, it’s in his bathroom’s tiny shower stall, the one that’s barely big enough for one person, let alone two, and she’s pressing her body snug against his, her chin tilted up and her brow deeply furrowed and her gaze wary, and curious, and shuttered.

“Morning,” he offers, rinsing the soap out of his eyes.

“Are you, like, stealth dating me?” she demands.

He chuckles, bringing his hands down to her hips and squeezing, just the once. “I’m doing whatever you’re letting me do, Pansy.”

She swallows, and he watches, impassive, as she curls her toes into the subway-tiled floor. His chest practically cracks itself wide open when he realizes she’s not even attempting to hide how nervous she is.

“Okay,” she agrees, and he catches her smile, fast and fleeting and realer than anything he’s ever seen from her before. She clears her throat. Repeats, more quietly, “Okay.”

#cedric x pansy #pansy x cedric #pansy parkinson #cedric diggory #cedric diggory x pansy parkinson #pansy parkinson x cedric diggory #andrea #drabble #gtk #hprarepairnet

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walkerfamily813 · 6 years

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Our Relationship Ending

I never really posted about the details about our relationship ending back in February. Michael ended up breaking up with me around the end of February and I found out on Valentine's Day, I was making him a cute video of us being together and he was sitting there texting another woman he never met about how he loves her how he never felt like a connection like that before. There was a lot of shit but has happened in our relationship and in the time that we have broke up. But I will start near the end of February.

I guess I'm there is that situation with a girl he never met and he only talked to over online. Honestly glad that they never met but in the meantime of whenever we were broken up none of us could move so we had to live with each other with our roommates, and the same bedroom that we have shared. We slept in different beds but none the less, it was still in the same bedroom. I had to sit there and listen to the man but I wanted to marry talk to another woman but he never met you also has children, about how he loves her, how he has never felt like a connection like this before, calling her sweetheart, baby girl, etc. he wouldn't leave conversations that they would have underscored up on his computer so I wouldn't see the conversations that they have. I would see dick pics and texting that has went on between them.

One of my biggest issues was that I ended up snooping through his stuff a lot and I also found out when we were technically still together he was still sexting her while we were still together. But even though it wasn't as bad as what I have done, he still in a way cheated on me. eventually I tried to move on and I tried to do my own thing. Eventually I slowly started to try to work on myself, get my own car, save up money, get my identification card, etc.

During the last few months I tried dating other people to move on. You can't really have a relationship when your ex is still living in the same bedroom that you have to stay in. So there is no coming over to cuddle on the couch. There is no coming over to sleep in the same bed or to cuddle in the same bed. Without me having a car there's really not much that I can do or go anywhere.

What has happened and we argued a lot. We even have been physical again a lot as well. But the main thing that has stick out the most to me is the so-called relationship that he has had that I had to listen to. I'm okay with him moving on and finding someone else, the only issue that I have always had was that there is no respect. He chose to break up with me. He chose 2 in a way to cheat on me while we were still together. he did not care about if I was hurt. He did not care if him sitting there talking to somebody else was hurting me. He would not leave into a different room to talk to somebody. He would not a fine someone in real life where we live so he could leave the house. It was always either I have to sit there and listen to him because I had nowhere else to go. I couldn't go downstairs because our roommates, and there was really nowhere else to go. so I either had to sit there and as he said, get over it, because he is just trying to live his life. Which I totally get it and I was trying to do the same except for I wasn't sitting there talking to another guy about sexual fantasies, talking about how he makes me happy right in front of Micheal face.

Then there is another situation with a girl app that we used to work with. he never paid attention to her before until we broke up and both of the girls are the typical girls that he would go to. But also look like me. Long red hair round pale face, pink skin tone, and thin lips. All of a sudden he started talking to her and it was somewhere that we worked. And I feel like that is totally disrespectful to try to flirt and date somebody that you work with. So eventually I went snooping as per usual and I also believe that he was planning on meeting her somewhere in my car. I'm not saying he would have had sex and it wouldn't get that far but to meet another girl that you were trying to talk to that you work with with your ex and her car that she bought. That's one of the things that got to me as well. The whole time it was just the disrespect and the Heartbreak that you put me through. It's one thing to break up with someone but it's another to go as low as he has. Like I said I'm okay with him moving on and trying to live his life when I have tried to do the same except for I did not hurt him like he has hurt me. Whenever I try to talk to somebody I tried to keep a separate from him.

Somehow eventually it came to the point where we needed to move and we only had a few months to move. At that point I had in my own car and Michael had a few saving saved up because he was figuring he was getting a car. But eventually somehow it turned into us having to move into a house together and we decided a two-bedroom. That if I wanted I could have people over that I wanted to try to date Michael would leave. he would help me with the housing situation while it also helps him. Just as long as he got to use my car as well. Eventually before we moved somehow it turned into Michael admitting that he still has feelings for me.

Even throughout the whole break up me and him were still having sex. even while he was talking to the girl over the Internet talking about how he has feelings for her, he was in my vagina. Which is still locked up on both of our parts but at least I was able to get a part of him and it was better than nothing at all. Somehow we ended up as friends with benefits.

Which another thing that reminds me, is that the woman he never met also has children and he always talked before about how he wanted nothing to do with kids but all of a sudden he loves a girl's kid who he never met online. because one day in Walmart he was talking to her on the phone while we were shopping and instead of him leaving he just continued to sit there and talk to her the other woman. And then he talked to her child and talked about how much he loved her while I was there when it's at that moment almost damn near mentally broke me. I literally had to leave and walk away from him because he would not. Until i finally told him to just leave and I will continue shopping on my own and I will pay for everything, just as long as it gets him away. On the way home I started balling. As soon as I got out of the car I started crying and I went up to the bedroom and just started crying even more because of how bad it hurt. The one man that I wanted to marry and try to have a family with turns around and breaks up with me because I still called pressured him about having a family and a child. Which that part I get but then he turns around and talks about how he loves another woman child that he never even that before and that he is willing to move to a completely new state over somebody he never met. But I can't even get the respect or common decency for him to be in a different room to talk about how he is moving on away from me.

I know this is because a lot and I mean a lot happened in that small amount of time. Aside from a bad shed eventually things started getting better. Somehow someway Michael started admitting he had feelings for me. as I got closer and closer to you needing to move in together he all of a sudden wanted to be in a relationship together. when he has told me that it's going to take him a year or more to be ready to be in a relationship, that he's not even looking for one, all of a sudden when it comes to Mills he wants to be in one with me. So naturally yes in the beginning I did have a lot of fears of him using me I love later I still have fears and doubts in the back of my mind. But eventually I was time went on everything started to heal.

As time went on I started to become me. I have learned to grow to do certain things and to not do certain things. I've learned reasons to why I do certain things and how to not do them again. And I guess in a way he has learned as well. because despite everything that has happened in the last few months here we are. Later I finally have the 2 bedroom family home like I have always wanted. But in the beginning Michael has suggested we can do a one bedroom or a two bedroom. To this day I am so proud that I have chose a two-bedroom because even if we decide that things didn't happen the way that we wanted them to, if we decided to break up we would still at least have our privacy and the extra bedroom like I have always wanted. So even if we ended things again I will still have my own bedroom and a little bit more freedom than I have had before and more freedom that I would have in a one bedroom being stuck with Micheal. So a two-bedroom works out perfectly for every case because say that things to work out like they have been. At first he's been wanting a game room and he wants to do Dungeons & Dragons campaigns. And eventually I want to turn that into a nursery. And something that we can still afford, we can still do hosting campaigns like he and I have always wanted until eventually we're ready to turn it into a nursery. And then I also still have my car and even everything, all of our bills we still cannot afford to be all our bills and have extra money at the end of every month. We have been very, very blessed. And I am honestly grateful that things are slowly getting better, actually quicker than I have thought, and I'm hoping that things continue to stay better. I'm hoping that I can still finally get the family like I have always wanted and the marriage but I have always wanted, but maybe the time just needs to be right.

September 24, 2018

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