#but I thought this brain dump was important to share
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Love 119
Summary: Your best friend Anton has been working on a song project and is dying to share it with you!
Warnings: Male POV, SFW, Kissing, Fluff
Wordcount: 2.1k
It was early, like really, when you woke up. The sun wasn't even up yet, but your desk vibrated rhythmically. It was the third time it had done this. You were okay ignoring it at first, but it didn't seem like it would stop. You looked over at your phone on the desk, lighting up as it shook.
You sighed, rolled out of bed, and answered the phone, "Hello?"
"Y/n! Thank god you answered!" You heard Anton's voice and immediately hung up.
A few seconds later, he called again. "Don't hang up on me!"
"Don't call me at four in the morning! You have ten seconds before I hang up and block you," You yelled into the phone.
"You remember that song I've been working on? I think the song is ready!"
"So?"
"So!? So, you've gotta hear it!"
You rubbed your eyes," Why can't you just post it or send it, and I'll listen to it in the morning?"
"No way, you've gotta come here and listen to it in person. I want to see your face for an honest reaction."
"The trains aren't even running this early..."
"You can drive!"
"Nope."
"Uber?"
"No."
"Bike?"
"You must want me to hang up–"
"Please don't..."
"This will wait until the morning. I promise. I'll come see you first thing in the morning," You started walking back to your bed.
Anton seemed hesitant but sighed, "Okay, but I mean it. First thing! It's super important."
"Yeah, yeah, goodnight," You hung up the phone as you flopped back into bed. You drifted off to sleep, your phone still in hand.
In the daylight, you started getting dressed. A beanie and coat for the cold weather, headphones for the train, and a snack. For your tummy.
You were surprised Anton wasn't blowing up your phone like usual. Almost every morning, Anton would blow your phone up as he waited for you to meet him to go to school together. Since it was a weekend– Anton usually worked on music during the day but must've stayed up all night working on his song. He'd mentioned a project ages ago about a song, but that didn't tell you much about it. He was getting super in the dumps recently, almost depressed. Staying in, skipping class, and not hanging out with you as much. He wasn't usually so secretive and distant, so the song must've meant something special to him.
The train was cold but less crowded than usual– you could sit today. The ride to Anton's house took about 45 minutes. You set an alarm on your phone for 43 minutes, put on your headphones, and close your eyes. You couldn't help but wonder what the song was about.
A ballad? But Anton liked hip-hop styles, especially from his time traveling, so maybe that. About what thought?
Most hip-hop was about sex, drugs, or money. Anything else has some deep meaning hidden in the lyrics. Anton was the kind of guy to think of deep lyrics like that, so that makes sense for him to go for that. But what kind of message would he aim for?
You wracked your brain the whole time, not sleeping like planned.
The train stopped at its fourth stop, and you got off. The platform was almost empty in the cold morning. You could see your breath as you texted Anton.
YN: Did you not come to get me?
YN: Hello?
YN: No way you're still sleeping! After you woke me up so early!?
You started calling him as you walked away from the train platform, headed to his house. Anton had the nerve to wake you up in the middle of the night and demand you see him but not get you from the train station in the morning. He always came to meet you. You started getting nervous. You should've driven over when he called. Why could he not be answering?
You called him several times, but there was no answer, no text.
The nerves in your feet stung as you walked– more like fast-walked to Anton's house.
He had to be okay, right? He said he was fine seeing you in the morning– there's no way he'd be upset at you for this. Did the song matter that much?
Before you realized it, you were running toward his place. Your coat was open, and your beanie was in your hand. The cold bit at your ears and messed with your hair, and your eyes were dry, but tears were still at the edge of your eyes.
Anton had to be okay.
Finally, you reached his home. You knew the passcode to his door, so you opened it yourself. The house was warm inside, with light spilling in from the windows. It was quiet and still. Anton's house slippers were by the door.
Did he leave home? Where the hell could he go!?
You turned and ran back out the door, phone to your ear, as you called him again.
Fuck! No response.
You turned down the street and moved toward the cafe. Anton loved going there when he needed to get out of his room. You thought about the hours you'd spent there with him.
I should've been there for him.
Inside the cafe, it was quietly playing R&B. It was one of the songs Anton had shown you, Snooze by SZA.
The owner noticed you come in and the expression on your face, "Y/n? Something wrong?"
"I'm looking for Anton. He's not at home," You approached the counter.
"He stopped by here earlier for coffee. He’d been by a lot recently for double espressos. It doesn't look like he'd been sleeping recently, with the amount of dark circles he had."
Your eyes widened, "Do you know where he headed?"
"No, he mentioned something about the music shop," The owner nodded.
"I'll keep looking!" You ran out the door. Your legs were tired, and your lungs were working overtime, but you just had a feeling Anton needed you.
Where did you go, Anton?
You walked around town, lost and in a daze. You checked all of Anton’s favorite spots, and each place gave an idea that he was somewhere else. You barely missed him every time.
At the convenience store, the owner said, "He mentioned he'd left something at school. Maybe he's taking the train to go there. It should be around real soon."
Your chest heaved, and it hurt to breathe, but you kept running. The train was your best bet since it was on a schedule. When you reached the platform, a train was already waiting.
You ran onboard, looking around, just as you looked out the window.
Standing on the platform in a black coat, Anton looked around as people got off the train. His stupid brown hair blew in his face.
You jumped out of your seat and slipped between the doors as they were closing. One of the train officials yelled out to you, but you ignored them as you ran to Anton.
Anton turned to see you with an awkward smile—a cup of coffee in his hands.
You almost tackled him with how hard you slammed into him. "Jesus, you idiot, don't worry me like that," You hugged him.
"I-I worried you?"
"Yeah! Do you ever check your phone!?"
Anton checked his pockets, "I– where's my phone!?" He patted his pockets before realizing he didn't have it, "I'm so sorry, y/n."
"Whatever!" You pushed past him, storming toward his house.
Anton hurried after you, "Please don't be mad."
"It's too late! I ran all around the area looking for you! This song better be worth it!"
"It is. I know you'll like it," Anton smiled awkwardly at you.
"I don't know. Maybe I'll hate it, and you've wasted all your time."
"Don't say that! You haven't heard it."
"I hate it already– my ears hurt just thinking about it."
Anton suddenly got quiet. He was usually fine when you jabbed at him, but his silence spoke volumes.
"Hey– I'm kidding. I don't hate it. I was just worried, okay?"
Anton nodded softly, focusing on his coffee as you walked the rest of the way silently.
Anton led the way into the house, "can you wait downstairs for a second?"
"Is your room messy?" You raised an eyebrow, "I've seen it messy."
"Please," Anton said with a hard-to-read expression.
Your jaw locked up at his serious tone. You nodded, "Yeah, I'll stay put."
Anton went upstairs to his room, leaving you downstairs with your thoughts.
Is he the one who's mad here? I should be the mad one, not him!
Anton came downstairs, missing his coat, which revealed a white turtleneck, "Come on, it's ready."
You slipped off your coat and followed him slowly up the stairs. The mood was tense, but you couldn't get why.
Right before entering his room, Anton stopped you. "Put this on," He presented a blindfold.
"Really?"
"Trust me, please."
You decided not to argue and let him tie it around your head. He took you by the hand and led you into the room. He sat you down on the bed, and you could hear him moving some things around the room. There was a faint smell of smoke.
"What's going on, Anton?"
Anton touched your hand, "I made this song to show my feelings. I want you to listen to it fully. I named it, Love 119."
He played the song. It wasn't exactly what you expected from a love song, but the lyrics were deep. You could tell her put in a lot of effort, and he must've had his friends help him with the vocals.
In the end, Anton let go of you and moved, "Take off your blindfold."
You slipped it off to see Anton kneeling with a cake with candles. His face was pinkish as he looked up at you, "Y/n, will you be my boyfriend?"
The words echoed in the room just once. Time froze. You were looking into his eyes as he nervously smiled at you.
He'd prepared the song for you. All those sleepless nights, missing school, the distance. All to find a way to make this song for you without you finding out.
Tears ran down your face, "Is this where you went?"
Anton nodded, "I asked everyone for help to keep you busy so I could set up."
You took a better look around the room. There were records wrapped with bows, a mug with your name on it– with coffee in it, and decorations all over.
"This is all for me?"
Anton nodded, "You're the most special person in the world to me, and I want to spend it with you. Together. If you want that..." He put the cake up to you.
You leaned down and blew out the candles, "I will be your boyfriend!"
Anton set down the cake and pulled a small box out of his pocket.
"Are you about to propose at the same time?" You joked.
But Anton opened the box, presenting two silver rings.
You jumped to your feet, "Anton! I– We– Marriage!?"
He stood up, "No, no! It's just a promise ring!"
You smiled, "Why in the world would we need those?"
"To show you I'm serious about you? My Dad said that's what he and my mom had."
You sighed, laughing more, "You're ridiculous. Give me a ring."
"But, I want to put it on you."
"It's for me to put yours on your finger, silly. There's two rings, aren't there?"
Anton handed you one of the rings as he took the other one. You presented a hand to each other and slipped on the rings.
Anton held your hand, admiring the ring on you, "And now, you're mine."
"And you're mine," You giggled, leaning close to him.
Anton looked briefly at your lips, thinking for a moment before getting anxious. "W-We should have cake!" He moved to grab a slice.
"Anton?"
He turned to see you closer than before, making him lean away from you, "Y-Yes?"
"Most couples start with a kiss, right?"
"A kiss!?" Anton's eyes were wide, but he was too nervous to take the first step.
You leaned into him, making him back up until he fell back-first onto the bed. You leaped onto him, pinning him there, "I've got you."
Anton closed his eyes, "I-I wanted to be the one to kiss you."
Your boyfriend was adorable, even when being childish. You rolled over, pulling him on top of you, pinned under his weight, "Then kiss me."
Anton nervously licked his lips before gently bringing them down to yours. The kiss was warm and soft, tasting faintly of coffee. Anton pressed his lips into yours passionately as his hands locked with yours.
Anton’s lips were red, and he blushed more, "I hope I'm not too bad at this. You're my first kiss."
"It's fine, now we can eat cake," You pecked his lips as he slid off you. You enjoyed the day together, eating cake and listening to his song.
#oracle of dreams#kpop x male reader#anton riize#riize anton#riize x reader#riize#riize imagines#anton x reader#x male reader#x male y/n
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this is, in my opinion, a heavy question, and i understand if you won’t answer.
how do i know if a very loaded, traumatic scene is correct for the overall story? where does the line between ‘trauma for the sake of trauma’ and a traumatic event that is needed to effect a character a certain way and to convey a message fall?
Knowing When a Traumatic Scene is Gratuitous
"Where does the line between ‘trauma for the sake of trauma’ and a traumatic event that is needed to effect a character a certain way and to convey a message fall?"
You answered your own question, actually.
Does the traumatic event affect the character in an important way? Does the traumatic event help to convey your story's theme or message? If the answer to one or both of those questions is "yes," it probably isn't gratuitous.
Another good way to tell is ask yourself, "Would the plot still make sense if the traumatic event is removed?" If the answer is "no," it's not gratuitous.
If you're still not sure, I think it's worth doing a little brain dump deep thought and really analyzing your answers. Why did you choose to write this scene? What does the scene make you feel and why? What do you want it to make the reader feel and why? If you find yourself struggling to answer these questions, you may have written the scene for the wrong reasons. Or, if your answers anything like: because it was fun to write, because I enjoy hurting this character, because I needed some drama, because I wasn't sure what else to write... these are all signs the scene is gratuitous. Additional questions: What are some of the things this scene accomplishes in the story? Are there other ways these same things can be accomplished? If you have trouble listing things that the scene accomplishes, that's a red flag. If you can list list things the scene accomplishes but can also list alternatives, that's also a red flag.
Finally, think about why you feel like you're the best person to write about and explore this particular kind of trauma. Is it something you have personal experience with? Have you had a different but similar experience that you feel offers an interesting and helpful view of this particular trauma? Do you feel that your exploration says something about the trauma that will benefit people who have been through it, and/or help those who haven't to understand it better? If you're not writing from a place of experience or similar experience, have you done a lot of research to make sure your portrayal is authentic and not harmful? Have you enlisted the help of a knowledgeable sensitivity reader who can vet your portrayal?
I hope that helps!
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I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!
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Hot Tub Fun, One Shot
Thank you for the prompt! Hope you like it. Changed the end a tiny bit, as figured Loki wouldn’t be bashful 😉 : crimson25 submitted: The reader of this story is a bit shy and has an unspoken crush on Loki, but he kind of knows. So Tony installs a really big indoor hot tub in the tower and everyone loves it. One day when the reader thinks everyone is gone out or on missions, she decides to partake in a dip...naked. while enjoying a most relaxing dip, she realizes she's not the only one in the tower. Loki strolls in wearing bathing suit shorts but when he sees she's not wearing anything, well now he's intrigued. His comes off. He swims over and starts off by teasing her. It slowly turns into him giving her a shoulder massage and then turns into her riding him under water. Then out of nowhere the team comes back and they have to finish silently....well as silent as they can be. Maybe they're not successful, you can decide.
-
You were glad of the peace when everyone went out on an important mission. You’d been desperate to have some alone time in the new hot tub since Tony had installed it a few weeks ago. The Avengers loved using it, especially after tough missions so you always had to share it with others.
Now, you were all alone and had it all to yourself.
You eyed up the hot bubbling water as you removed your clothes, revealing your bikini. Though as you glanced around, since there was no one about… you decided, why not go in the nude?
The tub was situated in a quiet chill out room where no SHIELD agents or the likes went anyway, it was just the heroes and yourself that used it. It was right next to a large glass window that overlooked the city.
So you took off your bikini and dumped it on top of your other clothes, then climbed into the tub. You let out a groan as you sank down into the hot water, relaxing your whole body. It felt so good.
You took a seat at the side by the window, it was nice to just soak there and look down at the bustling city.
‘This is the life.’ You moaned and shut your eyes for a bit, to enjoy the bubbling water.
You weren’t sure how long had passed, but you suddenly heard footsteps coming towards you. Your eyes shot open and your heart started racing, not only were you not alone now, but it was Loki. Out of everyone, it had to be Loki.
And he was naked, almost. He was just wearing shorts and had a towel draped over his shoulder. You did your best not to stare at his bare chest, though it was difficult. He was just so beautiful.
At first, he had a soft look on his face when he spotted you. Though as he got closer and your pile of clothes came into view, he noticed your bikini on top of the pile. His eyes turned mischievous and a smirk spread over his face.
‘Well, well, well. Skinny dipping, are we?’ He purred.
You sank further down into the water so just your head was poking out, your cheeks felt red hot, and that wasn’t just from the hot water.
‘I… uh… I thought I was alone, that you’d all gone on the mission.’ You admitted sheepishly.
Loki chuckled. ‘I decided to stay behind, they don’t need me for this mission… very glad I did. May I join you?’
You just nodded in response, you were struggling to keep your brain together. You were also a bit worried about your current situation, even though the bubbles and water hid everything, you still felt vulnerable.
Before Loki got in, he placed his towel down and then, to your surprise, he began removing his shorts. Your eyes widened and you quickly turned to the side so you didn’t see him.
‘May as well follow your no swim wear rules.’ Loki said cheekily as he got into the tub, as butt naked as you were.
He let out a sinful groan, that should definitely be an illegal sound, it made you squeeze your thighs together.
‘Why so shy, darling?’ Loki asked as he swam over to sit next to you, you kept yourself down in the water completely.
‘I… just wasn’t expecting company.’ You let out a nervous laugh.
‘You seem very tense… how about a shoulder massage to help you relax, hmm?’ Loki asked with a grin.
‘A… shoulder massage? Really?’ You squeaked.
The thought of having Loki’s hands on you was far too good to turn down, if he was serious. No matter how vulnerable and shy you felt, you couldn’t say no…
‘Really really.’ Loki nodded.
‘Ok.’ You nodded eagerly.
Loki twirled his finger in the air, motioning for you to turn around for him. You did turn, so you were sitting with your back to him.
‘Uh, darling. You’re going to need to sit up more so I can get at your shoulders.’ He chuckled.
You slowly sat up out of the water a bit, so the water was just below your collarbone.
‘Good girl.’ He purred against your ear, his warm breath against you made you tremble.
You trembled even more and melted completely when his large, strong hands landed on your shoulders and he began massaging you. You were surprised how good he was at it, hitting all the right spots and kneading out the knots. It was utter heaven.
‘Oh god.’ You groaned and let your head fall forwards as his hands continued to work their magic.
Loki chuckled cockily. ‘I am a god, yes.’
‘God of pleasure.’ Slipped from your lips, your eyes widened a little upon realising what you said.
Loki didn’t stop massaging you, he didn’t miss a beat. You felt his breath against the back of your neck as he whispered to you again.
‘I most certainly am. And this isn’t the only way I can pleasure you.’
You were complete putty in his hands, and he knew it. He’d known for a while now that you had a crush on him. He’d flirted with you before, quite a lot. Waiting to see if you’d make a move, but he knew that you were of the shy side, so he decided to take the lead now and see if you’d follow.
A brief moment of boldness hit you. ‘Maybe I can pleasure you, too… As a thanks for this massage.’
Loki grinned widely as he finished up your massage.
‘Have you ever had sex in a hot tub?’ He growled at you as he turned you around to face him.
You shook your head and bit your lower lip excitedly.
‘Well, let’s change that for the both of us, hmm?’ He cupped your chin and when you nodded in agreement, he leaned in and kissed you firmly on the lips.
It wasn’t long before his tongue delved into your mouth, moving dominantly yet gently against your own tongue. He had you moaning into him in seconds and you wrapped your arms around his neck as he grabbed at your ass and pulled you onto his lap, so you were straddling him.
You could feel his hardened cock pressing between you, against your stomach. He was turning you on something fiercely, though he had already worked you up with the massage.
He gripped your hips tightly and raised you up enough to position his cock at your entrance, then he slowly pulled you down onto him. You gasped into his mouth as his cock slowly spread you open, making your body accommodate him. The water was washing away your arousal so it was a little uncomfortable at first, but once he was fully in you, he let your body adjust for a moment.
‘Oh… my…’ You gasped out and buried your face into his neck.
He growled and slid his hands down to hold your ass, when he felt your body calm down with the squeezing, he began to lift you up and down on him, slowly at first.
‘Mmm darling, you feel far too good around my cock… So tight.’ He grunted out.
He was hitting all the right spots inside you, you started thrusting up and down on him, riding him as fast as you could.
‘Ohh yes.’ Loki groaned.
You froze completely though when you heard the door opening, and voices from the team echoed around the room.
Loki didn’t seem phased at all, he just smirked and took over with bouncing you up and down on his cock.
‘Loki…’ You whimpered quietly. ‘They’re… back.’
‘Oh well, let them see who you belong to now.’ He growled and gripped your chin with one hand so he could kiss you again, his other hand kept firmly on your ass to move you as he wanted.
You couldn’t stop whimpering against his mouth, even as the team started coming over.
There was nowhere to hide, they were coming directly for the tub and it would be obvious what you and Loki were doing, even if he wasn’t moving you up and down. He certainly didn’t seem to have any inclination to stop…
‘Hey guys… what are… oh no… no no no!’ Tony chanted when he realised what you were up to. ‘NOT IN MY TUB!’
‘Ewww, guys. We have to share that water.’ Natasha commented.
‘Oh god, hide your eyes.’ Bruce said as he covered Clint and Steve’s eyes, making them laugh.
‘Everyone out!’ Thor bellowed, not wanting to see his brother in that way, plus he wanted to give you both privacy.
They had to drag Tony out, as he wanted to strangle Loki for doing the dirty in the hot tub.
‘LOKI! YOU ARE DEAD FOR THIS! HOW DARE YOU DEFILE MY TUB!’
‘OHH YES!’ Loki cried out in pleasure as he came inside you, deliberately being a little louder than he needed to be, but it made you laugh like crazy as you collapsed in pleasure on Loki, an orgasm of your own tore through your body.
Loki remained lodged inside of you, you were too warm and felt too nice around him. He didn’t want to move just yet.
He buried his face into your neck to bite and suck on your skin, making sure to leave a mark.
‘I don’t think the others will be using the tub for a while.’ He chuckled darkly against your skin.
‘Does that mean that we can… stay in longer?’ You giggled and deliberately squeezed on his cock, making him groan.
‘I’d say it certainly does.’ He wrapped his arms around you tightly and thrust up sharply into you, as pay back, making you whimper.
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Turmoil; Chapter 4
Roman Roy x Reader
a/n: I’m back on that grind guys. enjoy x
Word Count: 2.744k
“You’re fucking lucky Y/N was there,” Kendall says, struggling not to raise his voice. “You’re so fucking lucky your vote didn’t tip the scale.”
You’re back in Kendall’s office, you and him perched on his sofa while Roman is stood, leaning against the wall.
“I… I just couldn’t,” he says meekly.
“Then why’d we agree to a vote of no confidence?” you ask. “Roman, I get if your feelings are complicated about this, but you almost fucked us over.“
“Why am I doing this again?” he asks, pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes.
Kendall scoffs. “You need to think about what you want. Dad’s a horrible person doing horrible things. You can go run to him, but I’m staying here.”
“We go to Norway tomorrow. How about we just have a good time?” Roman suggests. “There’s nothing we- or he, for the matter, can do while we’re abroad. I need… I just need a break.” You roll your eyes and get to your feet.
“Whatever, Roman. I’ll see you at home.” You give Kendall an affectionate squeeze on the shoulder before going out and finding Greg in the bullpen.
“Oh, hello, Y/N.” He finishes whatever it is he was doing and turns in his chair to face you. “I could hear the… commotion from all the way over here. And I saw the police, and, uh, Kendall’s still alive, so…?”
“Yeah. It worked, surprisingly. They had to escort Logan out the conference room.” You drag a hand over your eyes. “Instead of dinner, want to go out for lunch? I like you, Greg, but my brain’s going to be fried by the time the work day’s over, and I don’t want to subject you to that.”
He smooths his dress pants at the knee before getting up. “Yeah, no, yeah, that’d be great.” He glances over your shoulder. “Uh, is he okay?”
You follow his gaze, peering into Kendall’s office to find Roman facing you both, watching intently with his hands folded behind his back. “Don’t mind him. He’s neurotic.” You touch your thumb to the cool gold of the ring sitting on your finger.
“Well, then, after you.” You walk across the street to a quaint brunch spot that’s hailed for it’s food. “I love this place,” Greg tells you. The conversation pivots, however, when you both are seated. “Shiv told me you need some, what should I say… favors?”
“We do, and I’m sorry it’s all been dumped on you.”
“No, it’s okay. It makes me feel important.”
You laugh. “What do you have in mind? Shiv tell you anything?”
“I’ve been thinking- and it’s completely valid if my voice isn’t relevant to you, but I’d like to share my thoughts -that instead of whaling so hard on Logan directly, why not try to get access to him through Marcia? Or any past… connection?”
“Do you think we’ll be able to find anything?”
”I heard, through the grapevine, of course, a few rumors about Marcia and a… new friend.”
“If you find anything,” you say carefully, “I think you know what to do.”
“I also have heard a lot of complaining from people who work directly under him. Or, used to, I guess.”
“I think the general consensus is that he’s a criminal piece of shit. We just can’t find any proof.”
“I think I’ll be able to find something.” He tentatively picks up the menu laid out in front of him.
“Do you think you’ll make it out to Norway?”
“Me? I think Roman would shoot me.”
“You should come, after you deal with things here. Everyone could use a break.”
“I’ll try. I do really need to get out of here for a while.”
“If Roman’s giving you trouble, you can tell me, you know.”
“Oh, it isn’t anything new. I don’t know what it is with him. He has his own issues he doesn’t know how to deal with, so sometimes he projects.”
“That’s profound,” you say. “You’re right to not think anything of it. I know him well enough by now to say I don’t think he thinks before doing anything.”
You both order, and conversation comes easily to the two of you. Greg’s a wholesome guy, you think. He makes you comfortable, and you know you can trust him.
“I wanted to tell you something,” he says after a while. “I haven’t seen Connor in a bit. But last time I did see him, he was on the phone with some lawyer, talking about a lawsuit. And I’m almost 100% sure it wasn’t you, because I know your name isn’t Brad.”
You give your drink a slow stir. “Did you catch what the lawsuit was about?”
“All I heard were the words ‘negligence’ and ‘innkeepers law’.”
You press your lips together. None of this seems right. “Is it possible you can figure out the firm he was speaking with?”
“I’ll do my best. I figured you’d want to know.”
“I do. Thank you, Greg.”
Eventually, after a fight over bill(which you won), you hail a taxi and make your way back home. You kick your heels off by the door, Roman’s dress shoes haphazardly strewn in the same vicinity. You pad into the kitchen and toss your keys onto the counter, clocking Roman sat on the couch.
“Greg, huh?”
“What about him?” You pull a bottle of water from the fridge.
“Do you like him?”
“Yeah, I do. He’s respectful and I can trust him,” you say acridly.
“I respect you. A lot, actually.”
“You don’t show it. It’s not a competition, anyway. Why do you care?”
“We’re engaged.”
You roll your eyes at his childishness. It’s starting to get on your nerves. “We’re just friends, remember? Your words, not mine.” You leave the kitchen and wander into your room. You don’t think Roman’s ever slept in the bed- he’s been living on the couch. He gets up and follows you. “Even if I was into Greg- which I’m not -what’s your deal?”
“I lied to you. That morning.” You’re sitting at your desk now, and stare up at him.
“About?”
“What I remember.” He takes both your hands. “I remember everything I said. I meant it.”
You can feel your face begin to heat up. “Are you drunk?”
“Sober. I swear it.” He uses his finger to draw a cross over his heart, still gripping your hand in his.
“What’s your point here, Roman?”
“I want to try being something. I want us to try being something.”
“Are we just ignoring the fact that you threw us under the fucking bus?”
“Yes, we are. We’ll talk about that later, I promise.” He gets to his knees, resting his cheek on your thigh as he looks at you. “I want to do something right, for once. I want to do this right.”
You’re sat frozen in place. You force yourself to card a hand through his hair, pushing it from his face.
“You were on the news, once. Giving some legal advice before my father went on air for some propagandist bullshit. I thought you were so fucking hot. I mean, I still do-” He cuts himself off. “What I’m trying to say is, I like you, you’re fucking gorgeous, and while the situation we’re in is less than ideal, I want to make something out of it.” You stay silent. “You’re kind, funny, you’re brighter than the fucking sun. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted, but I’m just some piece of garbage who keeps making things between us worse. Friends? I was lying, then, too. I’ll never be able to accept you as just a friend. I’ll never stop wanting you.”
“Really?” is all you can manage.
“Yes, really. And I know I’m an asshole. I’m proud of it, 90% of the time. That last 10% is when I’m with you and I feel so fucking guilty I made that precious smile of yours disappear. It eats me alive that I piss you off. That you don’t like me. But that’s all I’ve ever been capable of doing.”
“So change it. Make me like you,” you say quietly. Reluctantly, he pulls himself to his feet and instead hooks his arms under you, hoisting you up. He takes your place in your desk chair, settling you on his lap.
“You deserve lots better than me, Y/N.” Roman keeps his arms wound around you, one tight around your waist, the other across your back, anchoring you to him. “I don’t know what I was doing this morning. I get so scared of him, Y/N. It’s like he was looking into my soul.”
“If you think I deserve better,” you begin, “become better.” You let yourself lean into his chest. “As for the vote, I still think you’re an asshole.”
He sighs. “And that’s fair. Kendall ripped me a new one after you left.”
“Good.” His hand wanders idly up and down your back, gently massaging knots of tension that he can find. “Roman Roy, realizing the consequences of his actions.” You drag a finger across his jaw. “Am I dreaming?”
”If we are, I don’t want to wake up.”
“So, what now?”
“We be all lovey-dovey. I mean, we’re already engaged.”
You snort. “You can’t stop saying that.”
“Who wouldn’t, when engaged to someone who looks like you?” He gives your ass a quick pinch.
“Roman!”
“Sorry. Had to,” he says, grinning stupidly. “Jokes aside though, I want to take it slow.”
“I… Yeah. Let’s take it slow.”
“You do want this, right?” he asks quietly.
“I’ve wanted you since the minute we made eye contact.” You stifle a smile. “You’re sexy when you have a stubble. What happened to it?”
“What, I’m not sexy now?” He absentmindedly draws a hand over his smooth jaw. “I’ll grow it back for you.”
“Hey, I’m just kidding. You’re sexy now, don’t worry.” Roman grunts and moves the two of you to bed.
“What? My back hurts.” He sinks into his side of the bed. “Please don’t make me sleep on the couch again.”
“You’re always welcome here.” You sigh happily and roll out of bed.
“Where are you going?”
“To brush my teeth and get ready for bed, unlike some slob I know. No outside clothes on my bed, Roman.”
You duck the pillow he chucks at you.
As you progress through your nightly routine, eventually, he comes to stand with you at the sink. You make a face at him before returning to your business. For a bit, he just watches you, happy to just be in your presence. When he starts brushing his teeth, he hooks an arm around your waist and pulls you close.
You protest halfheartedly, and he rolls his eyes at you before spitting his toothpaste out. “Quit whining,” he tells you, giving your hip a squeeze.
“I’m building a wall between us tonight,” you threaten lightly.
“I was a rock climber as a kid.” He pokes you gently. “Now that you’ve let me into your cold, shriveled up heart, I’m not leaving.”
“You still have a lot of work to do, Roman,” you chide. “Just because you got onto your knees for the first time in your life doesn’t mean everything’s magically okay.”
You both pad back into your bedroom, crawling under the covers together. “I thought we could kiss and make up,” he says, propped up on his arm, facing you. You curl up on your side, also facing him.
“Absolutely not,” you tell him. “You’re going to sit here and explain yourself. Or you’re sleeping on the floor.”
He sighs, pulling up the blankets so that you’re both covered. “It’s like I blacked out. I was so scared, Y/N.”
“Why? He can’t do anything to you, Roman, especially now that I’m involved in all this.”
“It’s complicated,” he mutters.
”We have time,” you urge gently.
“It’s the way I grew up, I guess.” He collapses onto his back. “He’d snap over the smallest things. My entire childhood I was walking on eggshells. I don’t… It’s such a bad excuse. God, I feel horrible.” He covers his face with his hands.
You crawl over, close enough to him where you’re able to set your cheek onto his chest and still lay comfortably. You’re still facing him, and one of his hands moves to sit on your hip. “I think I was too harsh on you,” you murmur. “Don’t get me wrong, it still was a dick move, but I get it. Just promise you’ll do better, okay?”
He peels his other hand off of his face to wind it through your hair. “I promise. I promise.” You press a kiss to his chest, to which he stiffens. “Don’t,” he says quietly. “Don’t.”
Hesitantly, you pull away from him, settling on your side of the bed and facing the other way. You fall asleep without saying anything else.
You wake up to an empty bed. You thought it was going so well, too. You drag yourself out of bed and find him in the kitchen. Wordlessly, he pushes you a mug of coffee and a plate of scrambled eggs.
“I felt bad. But then I remembered I don’t know how to cook,” Roman says meekly. “I’m sorry. It’s getting too real for me.”
“What’s that mean?”
“I, uh, ‘ve never been in a serious relationship. Not with someone I like this much. I don’t… I don’t want to fuck this up, Y/N.”
You try wiping the bleariness from your face. “I don’t understand you, Rome.”
He reaches out, wiping a bit of coffee from your lip. “I hope you can learn to.”
“As long as you put in the effort, too.” You look up at him. “I don’t mean to pressure you into anything you don’t want. I just mean I want you to actually try.” You take a sip from your mug. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you haven’t exactly been… proactive the last week.”
He leans against the counter behind him. “Who’s the one who went out with another man?”
“Roman, that doesn’t have anything to do with anything.” You laugh as he jabs a hand into your side.
“I’m not going to let you forget it.”
“It’s Greg. Wholesome, kind, Greg.”
“You should’ve been out with me.”
“Take me out, then.”
He bridges the small distance between you and fits his hands into the curves of your waist. “I’ll be all over you in Norway, don’t worry.” He takes the heel of his palm and massages circles into the skin of your hip.
“We need to leave soon,” you tell him. You want to kiss him, but you know you can’t.
“I haven’t even packed,” he says lightly.
“Roman!”
“God, I’ll never get sick of hearing that.”
You drag him into the closet and roll his suitcase over to him. “Get to it.”
☾𖤓
At the airport, Roman carries all of your bags for you. He even demands to hold your purse, a cute short strapped Prada you’d treated yourself to the first big check you’d received. He holds it by the handle over his shoulder the same way one would hold a jacket. He looks silly with his sunglasses on and your purse sitting on his back. It’s endearing, and you smile softly at him.
In the car out to the private jet, you and Shiv make plans to go out shopping your first day in Norway. Willa sits cramped next to Connor, and you feel bad, so you and Shiv invite her. Kendall’s practically snoring on Roman’s shoulder. The poor guy’s been working dusk till dawn this whole ordeal. He deserves the break.
You’re glad Logan won’t be taking the same plane as the six of you. You wouldn’t be able to handle it- the paranoia, his snide comments, and hell, even just his voice would set you off.
You and Shiv settle across from each other on the plane, her feet propped up in your lap. Roman’s slumped against you, asleep, and you think he’s drooling. Kendall sits across from him, also asleep, neck pillow and sleeping mask on like the sleeping beauty he is.
You sigh contentedly.
If you close your eyes, you can pretend like the threat that is Logan Roy isn’t dangling over your heads.
If you close your eyes, you can pretend like you’re just travelling with your chosen family.
If you close your eyes, you can pretend like you’re at peace.
#turmoil#wambsgansshoelaces#roman roy#roman roy slowburn#roman roy x you#roman roy x reader#succession#succession fic#succession hbo#succession x reader#romantic drama
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A Brain Dump About Scarab's Species
I have lots of little thoughts about Scarab's species and planet as a whole. Some parts are well established in the fic, and others might not make it into fics at all, so I'm gonna dump them here. If you like worldbuilding, enjoy!
Scarab's species has no concept of gender. I mentioned this in the last chapter's (Oh Glob, He's Been Kidnapped) notes, but I'll go into more detail here. His species does not have sexual dimorphism, anyone can find a mate in anyone else. Scarab uses he/him pronouns kind of by accident. He said one word, everyone heard his voice, and basically assigned him masculine pronouns. Scarab didn't really care or understand why it was important, so he just shrugged and accepted it. He doesn't have some internal sense of "I am a man", his gender is "I don't know, I just work here."
Their life cycle goes as follows: They hatch from an egg as a grub in a sealed burrow. The burrow is packed with food, water, and bedding for warmth. If all goes well, the grub get's as big as about half the size of an adult. They pupate and emerge as nymphs. The nymphs tear down the seal to their brood burrow, and they emerge. Over the course of several years, they learn trades, grow, and mature into adults. Nymphs have pale colors, brittle shells, and weak wings when they first emerge, but the colors deepen, grow stronger, and become confident flyers as they mature. Scarab was barely considered an adult when he first saw the threat coming toward his planet.
Scarab's species doesn't really do blood family. This was mentioned in the third chapter (Memories of the Homeland), but I'd like to expand on it. A mated pair might make 5-10 eggs, but it's likely one 3 or 4 will survive long enough to pupate and emerge. So, parents don't really get attached to any one individual egg or the child that comes from it. Siblings might be on separate sides of the mounds depending on the parent's luck in finding brood spaces, so they're not likely to meet until adulthood. That's not to say some individuals don't seek out and bond with blood family, but they don't really have a family unit outside of the mated pair. They don't do last names or family trees. They're much more attached to the family they make, the friends they find along the way, rather than the family that shares DNA with them.
They pick their own names when they join society, rather than be given one by parents. Scarab picked his own name, and he wears it proudly. If two of them with similar or even same names come into close contact, they tend to add a notable feature to their name, almost like a title or epithet. Scarab, for example, would be known as Red Scarab (It's pretty notable/unusual to have a shell of only one color, Scarab's siblings have green and yellow to break up the red) if he found someone else named Scarab.
They don't kiss to show affection. Their affection is shown by nuzzling and antenna. You might note that Scarab nuzzled Prismo a lot, but that's his people's way of kissing or smooching. It's a scent thing. He's basically putting his scent all over Prismo, kind of like how cats rub their cheeks on stuff. Nuzzling puts their scent onto the object of their affection, and the antenna lets them smell it. To greet a friend or tell a friend you love and care for them, you tap foreheads together and brush antennas together briefly. Mates will hold that form for longer, rubbing and nuzzling foreheads rather than just tapping them, and the antenna might take some more time to examine it. The dominant scent on that spot, other than their own, is agreed to be the person they love most.
Touch in general is pretty important to them. Friends hug and hold hands. Roughhousing, specifically wrestling, is an important part of their childhoods after they emerge. Touches to the face are comforting and reassuring.
Wings are private and sacred. Period. You do not touch someone's wings without permission. They're very sensitive and important for daily life, so it's a massive sign of trust to let one touch them. It's why their respectful greeting is to show their wings. It basically says, "I trust you." Grooming their wings and the shell around them is a private ritual, only really shared with mates. It'd be considered an omen (either good or bad) if you could find a recognizable or specific shape in the veining. Decorating them is a sign of extravagance and beauty, and is usually reserved for the elites (the "top of the mound" as it were) or during important parties/gatherings. Which, yes, means this adds a whole heaping extra traumatic layer of violation to what Orbo did to Scarab.
Mounds kind of act as countries to them. When Scarab calls something a "Mound" it doesn't mean it's literally a pile of dirt. Although, it can be. A mound can be a chunk of forest, or a stretch of grasslands, or even cliff faces and sand dunes if you're hardy enough. Mounds are ruled over by older "elites" and are mostly cooperative. Mounds are a community, and they people within them live very interconnected, communal lives.
The chirps and clicks Scarab makes aren't just noise, they're a vital secondary language for his people. If you know what to listen for, you can figure out a lot about what one of them might be feeling just based on how they trill. Seriously, it's important enough that you can tell if one is sick based on the pitch and frequency of a chirp. Scarab's unfortunately forgotten a huge portion of this unspoken language, but he still has a few of the rudimentary noises to convey broader emotions. Prismo has been slowly, but surely learning them as well.
Anyway, I think that's what I've got for now. Might make another post if I come up with anything else, but I hope y'all like my worldbuilding dump. See y'all tomorrow!
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Self Care Tips After a Long Day
Personally, I have been having a lot of these 'long days' recently, and these tips have been saving my sanity. So I thought I'd share them with you! Christmas is coming up, a lot of us are taking on extra or longer shifts at work to be able to afford the presents we need to buy, so hopefully some of this advice will come in handy.
1. Treat yourself!
A pretty simple one, but it really is very important. I sometimes treat myself with a coffee after work, because there is nothing better than a hit of caffeine after a twelve and a half hour shift, let me tell you. If I don't feel like spending money, I'll come home and watch a movie, lay out a few packets of crisps to enjoy whilst I relax. It really is a thing of just unwinding after a particularly long day, making sure your body gets that rest it deserves.
2. Journal
This really is one of the biggest self-care tips you will get. Anyone who knows anything about taking care of your mind knows that writing out your feelings is a great way to sort out your emotions. It can also be very relaxing, which is perfect after a long day. I love making a Scene of it, too - lighting a candle, putting on some music or a nice YouTube video in the background, and just sitting down at my table in cosy pyjamas to write about my day. I personally go with the old brain-dump method, but there's a ton of different ways to journal that you can look into, whether that be fun prompts, lists, or a brain-dump, like me!
3. Sit in silence.
Genuinely, just sit in silence. Come home, get into comfy clothes, and just sit. Stare at a wall. Play with a fidget toy. Put noise-cancelling headphones on and just be present in your own space. I find myself doing this mostly due to my autism; I kind of have no choice in the matter, considering my brain tends to shut down after a long day, and all I can really do is sit in silence. But it's not a bad thing, and I recommend trying to do it for anyone who might be feeling a little overwhelmed. The silence can do wonders.
4. Have a bath/shower.
I'm a shower girlie, personally, but that's only because I don't actually have a bath.
Either way, getting washed and clean and feeling fresh is an ultimate form of self care!!!! It might take a bit of motivation to actually get yourself into the shower (trust me, I know) but once you do it, you'll feel incredible. I'm personally not a big fan of the whole Everything Shower thing - I think I'm just too lazy to get everything scrubbed, shaved and moisturised, and if you're the same, there's nothing wrong with that. Wash your hair. Put some soap on those limbs. Just feel the hot water on your skin, maybe do a bit of skin care afterwards if you're feeling up to it. But getting washed and fresh will make you feel ten times better, and might even wake you up a bit if that's what you need!
5. Meal prep.
I live by this.
Once upon a time, I didn't meal prep, and I would come home at 8:30pm after a twelve hour shift full of heavy lifting and verbal abuse (lol guess what I work as) and I would immediately just order a takeaway. In the moment, this is all good - it's a treat, I deserve it, it tastes nice. But after three days of takeaways, you start feeling a little bit shit about yourself, and you're not being too kind on your wallet, either.
I started using a brief portion of my days off to meal prep for the week - just dinners, stuff I could throw in the fridge/freezer and heat up when I got home. Let me tell you, it was self care. Not only was my health improving dramatically, but my mental health was also given a break because I was no longer feeling bad about the stuff I was putting in my body. Plus, meal prepping at the start of the week (or just whenever you get a chance, really) gives you the opportunity to actually think about what you're making, so chances are you're going to be a bit more conscious about what you're putting into your body. I also enjoy cooking a great deal, so it's not even a chore on my day off - I find it quite relaxing to throw some music on, get my cook book out and just enjoy the task.
#amwriting#girl journal#glow up#healing journey#mental health#mental health awareness#mental health support#mental wellbeing#positivity#recovery#it girl#self care#self care tips#self improvement
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I have a lot of thoughts about Red, White & Royal Blue (both the book and the movie). If you manage to read through the whole thing, I would love to hear your thoughts and feelings! Please feel free to interact. If you don't feel like reading through the brain dump of a random girl from nowhere, here's a summary: movie was great, but the book remains undefeated, plus a pathetic attempt at rallying for a petition to make this into a series.
I first read the book in january 2023 (I was very late to booktok I'm sorry) and have been obsessed since then. I have re-read it multiple times and have pages of annotations in my pdf copy. as a huge literature nerd, thematic expressions, plot and character development mean so much to me. While it's not a crime to interpret this book as an idealistic and purely romantic piece of fiction, I think there is plenty to value in the way family, politics and self-discovery is illustrated in the novel.
To me, it's really the intricacies that give so much to life to many scenes and characters. June standing up for Alex even when he never outright asked for it, staying in the white house for him instead of pursuing her own dreams. June feeling trapped and chained down being born into a life of politics, while Alex, entirely optimistic and determined, revels in it. Nora being introduced as a tech junkie who gives it to him straight while June is the more soft-spoken one, but Nora being the one to deliver the most important cold hard truths that wake Alex up multiple times throughout the book. How Alex is who is because he has these 2 girls who provide him with 2 different support systems - June who understands the struggles of the public eye, the divorce of his parents, being biracial, and Nora who understands the realm of queerness and shares his passion in politics. Rafael Luna's story arc and the triple-crossing. How Alex looked up to him so fervently, how Luna has his own dark past that made him who is today.
and Henry... (cue BIG DREAMY SIGH) The harrowing reality that someone so special not only to him but both Bea and his mom as well left all of them so bereaved that his mom completely shut off and Bea turned to a life of drugs. His father who symbolised everything that the crown frowned upon, and stole his mother's royal-blooded heart anyways. How Henry was probably brought up to be fearless and strong just like his parents but his entire family was snatched from him at such a young age that it left him stranded and lost, leaving him no choice but to follow the path of royal traditions, being pushed and shoved around however they deemed fit. and when he did get older and privy to his sexuality, it was too late to turn back and stand his ground to say "No, I don't want this life." The pills, the insomnia, the piece of himself that's been lost forever, that nothing and nobody will ever be able to replace. Percy being his only escape from the royal lifestyle, how he was willing to share a part of his life's works for Henry to experience outside his mundane royal duties, something Henry chooses to do instead of being forced to. Bea stepping up after realising how she needs to do better not only for herself but for her brother as well, that all they have is each other and she needs to fight for them. Bea being the protective sister who explains to Alex how Henry misses his dad, and that he needs to be comfortable with the fact that there will always be a part of Henry that Alex might never be able to reach. Henry's mom stepping up in the end, not willing to lose her son the way she lost her husband, how Henry is the closest living reminder to the love of her life, born with his heart on his sleeve.
Their emails. Henry and his beautiful monologues depicting grief and love. How he has never bared his heart out like that to anyone, yet when he finally found the right person, everything was leaked to the entire world. The multiple references to historical figureheads and literature that actually give "History, huh? Bet we could make some" all it's meaning.
The tension in the confrontation with the queen. The nervous wreck that election night put me in. The political journey of this book further helped to solidify the idealistic, fairytale-like nature of the novel and its ending. It left me with such an overwhelming sense of comfort, like coming back to my childhood home (quite literally in Alex's case).
Ellen and Zahra's relationship, Oscar and Luna's relationship, Oscar saying Ellen will always be the love of his life... the list is literally endless. I could go on forever. I laughed, I cried, I screamed into my pillow, I stared out my window wistfully, wondering how people can feel so much so deeply.
All these details that bring so much colour and dimension to the plot convinced me that it would be a crime not to make a live action of this book. But that is not to say that the movie was bad. I had already prepared myself beforehand to handle the disappointment of not getting all 500 pages verbatim, and I understand the directional choices made to focus solely on Alex and Henry's relationship, not having the luxury of time. Viewing the movie as something separate from the book, it was beautifully executed and I have already watched it 3 times now.
But... just to put it out there...
Imagine a live action with everything I mentioned above, though. Wouldn't it be lovely to go on all these journeys with all these people together with Alex and Henry? And it's not something completely impossible is it? I think even an animated series would be sublime but is it really too much to ask for the novel to be made into a proper series? I feel like Casey has given us such a wholesome and never-seen-before story that deserves every nook and cranny to be explored and made into film. We have had so many versions of Little Women and Pride & Prejudice, so I'm holding out hope that a rwrb series is not an impossible feat. Taylor and Nick will always be Alex and Henry in my head, but that's something I'm personally willing to trade for a longer series made with even more people and further explorations that the movie couldn't afford to make.
My sister asked me last month why I kept losing my marbles everytime a new photo or clip dropped. Said that "it's just a random book, get over it". I think this book means a lot to many different people from different walks of life. Minority race, being biracial, coming to terms with bisexuality, dealing with divorce, dealing with the public eye, being born into a family that you don't entirely identify with, losing a loved one, dealing with mental illnesses, dealing with grief, standing up to authority, being outed, letting yourself love and be loved. This book encapsulates such a vast array of experiences and emotions that I'm confident that I'm not the only one who feels this strongly about "just a random book".
Casey really did make history, didn't they?
#alex claremont diaz#firstprince#red white and royal blue#rwrb#prince henry fox mountchristen windsor#alexhenry#prince henry rwrb#rwrb movie#nora holleran#zahra bankston#casey#casey mcquiston#history huh
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"Years ago", Armand interrupted, "it wouldn't have mattered to me, all this".
"What do you mean?"
"But I don't want it to end now. I don't want to continue unless you--" His face changed slightly. Faint look of surprise. "I don't want you to die".
Csually going insane over this on a Thursday afternoon because WHAT THE HELL, this is totally the moment for me where Armand went from being a quasi-villain to one of the most sympathetic, lovable characters in all of VC. The moment where the needle drops for him and he has that once in a lifetime realization about the redeeming qualities of love, and how his love for Daniel and Daniel's love for him meant that he all of a sudden he had a reason to live, and began to care about the possible demise of his kind (and of himself) a result, because it jeopardized his future with his lover. And the mere thought of Daniel dying? Unconcievable. Absurd. Out of the question. Loving that man saved him in every way that a person can be saved. Sorry for dumping all of this on you, I'm in my feels over them!!!
ANON!! 😭😭 I read this at work earlier today and I've been thinking about it ever since. Please always feel free to share your Armand/Daniel feels with me! I love it!
This moment is so important and means so much to me, and it means so much for Armand's character. The fact that he makes the choice to turn Daniel rather than let him die, and give up his long-held vow and conviction that he would never do so, all because he loves him too much to face the world without him in it is just... amazing. I really do think theirs is the best love story in the series because they both grow and change so much together.
Daniel goes from feverish and desperate for the blood because he wants to be a vampire and live forever, to desperate for the blood because he wants to live with Armand forever, and finally in that moment is resigned to die in Armand's arms because he knows Armand can't or won't do it. He's just happy Armand is there with him and he's not alone, but with the person he loves.
Armand goes from wandering alone and lurking in the shadows barely existing and not even caring if he meets his demise, to diving headfirst into modern life with Daniel and he learns to love someone, and learns that he can make mistakes in that love and they're not world ending. He learns to love and be loved and in the end, he realizes that love isn't something he can let go of. That he wants to keep it in the world and keep going.
I do think Armand, on some level, knew he wouldn't let Daniel die before this, but how much he let himself really understand that is debatable. I think here in this moment, faced with the very real prospect of losing him for good, he realizes how much he wants his life to continue with Daniel in it, because he's found himself and learned to be his own person and found that love at the same time. It's the most beautiful sentiment.
Honestly, all of DM gets me all the time but the scene where he turns Daniel just kills me because it's so beautifully written and you can feel their emotions so vividly. It makes me so happy I could sob (and often do!)
Thank you so much for the ask and the feels, anon! I feel like there's something more intelligent or insightful I should say about this but work has mashed my brain into pulp so this will have to do and I sure hope it's coherent. 💖
#armand#daniel molloy#armand/daniel#devil's minion#queen of the damned#vc#answers in the desert#anonymous#vampire chronicles#i love them so much your honor#they really are the couple of all time
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Starbula Week Day 4: Parents
*~*Headcanon/photo dump of my Starbula kid*~*
I meant to share this during @starbulaweek 2023, but grad school has been insane...so I'm just spreading out the fun to a few weeks later! 😂 Also, this is unbelievably long. Read if you dare lol.
Basically since May, soon after watching GOTG3, I've been developing a headcanon of Nebula and Peter having a daughter together. The idea that both of their stories - filled with so much loss, trauma, and sorrow - not only end with an unexpected and beautiful romance with each other, but with the chance to raise a happy, safe, and cherished little girl, breaking the cycle of trauma...literally destroys me. I love the idea so much, and headcanons about this Starbula daughter have infected my brain for half a year. I figured I'd share some of them, accompanied by some photos of what I think she'd look/act like, in (belated) honor of Starbula Week!
Early on, I decided Peter and Nebula would have a kid via surrogate. (Sorry Nebula...I can't imagine Thanos NOT sterilizing her during all of his modifications... 😩) They could either use an anonymous surrogate, or - imo more meaningfully - Mantis might offer to do it. Somehow this seems right to me; she's such a sensitive and loving person, and could see Peter and Nebula's unspoken desires to have a family of their own (and their inability to do so) and want to help. Maybe after Nebula/Peter have been together for a while, Mantis is visiting Knowhere in between her solo adventures and overhears Nebula mentioning that she's one of the last Luphomoids, since her planet was destroyed by Galactus. [I know this isn't MCU canon but I read that it happened in the comics so I'm taking it, lol.]
This gets Mantis' gears turning and basically one day, she proposes the idea of carrying a baby to Peter and Nebula. Mantis might say that she doesn't want to have a kid of her own, but she knows that her brother and Nebula would be amazing parents if they wanted to do so. And that she wanted to do this for them, if they were interested. Nebula and Peter immediately turn down the offer, but after thinking it over for a while, they realize Mantis is giving them an incredible gift and actually wants to do this for them - and that they really do want to have a kid, they just didn't think it was possible. So they accept. And a year later, they end up with a healthy, light-blue-skinned baby girl: Meredith Anthony Quill. Her name would honor the most important parental figures in both Nebula and Peter's lives 🥺
Shortly after creating this scenario, my brainworms continued imagining this little girl and what she might act and look like. While doing so, I kept coming back to Millie Bobby Brown. MBB was/is a delightful kid - plus she shaved her head a la Karen Gillan lol - so I started looking up pictures of her to see if I could spot a resemblance with Nebula or Peter.
That initial search turned up a clear answer (yes!) and snowballed into an absolute beast of a Google Slides slideshow, constantly evolving and filled with headcanons and photos of Meredith (aka Millie) from age 0 to 19. I've never done anything like this for a ship before, but something about a Starbula kid has completely taken over my brain and I've had so much fun imagining her (and Nebula/Peter as parents) over the past few months.
So, in belated honor of Starbula Week and this crazy ship that has had a chokehold on me for half a year, I chose some of my favorite photos to share a peek into Meredith Anthony Quill's life and personality over the years. Just imagine she has blue skin because I have no photoshop skills 🙃 Most of the pictures are self-explanatory, but I explain any relevant headcanons below. I also thought there was a 10-photo limit on Tumblr but I guess not.... But I'm very much done done combing through my photos, so this is officially Good Enough 😆
Age 0-10
Meredith has basically the happiest childhood ever - mostly spent on Knowhere, surrounded by her doting family (Rocket is also her godfather and spoils her rotten), visiting earth often for holidays and to visit her grandpa/Pepper and Morgan.
From the top middle/left photos, Meredith clearly loves singing from an early age. 🥲 And regarding her cute little braid in the top right - I'm sure Nebula ends up loving to do Meredith's hair, since she never had the opportunity to do anything fun with her own before it was removed 😭 (And idk who the baby in the bottom corner is - maybe a fellow tiny Knowhere resident, now that Knowhere has become a safe and happy society thanks to Nebula's leadership)
Age 11
Key life moment: At age 11, Meredith spends her first week at an earth summer camp, shaves her head, and makes a group of human best friends! (aka it's Stranger Things time 😆)
So Meredith has grown up loving earth, since she visits it often and has grown up on earth movies, music, etc. And since she also loves singing, dancing, and movies (courtesy of her dad), when she turns 11, she asks her parents if she can go to some overnight theater/arts summer camp in Missouri. (She probably got the idea from watching Parent Trap or Camp Rock when it was on TV at grandpa Jason's house.) Nebula and Peter agree, and decide to hide her blue skin with some illusion technology. That way, she can blend in as a human at camp and experience an authentic earth summer camp, without any anti-alien discrimination.
The night before she leaves for camp, probably sleeping over at her grandpa's house, Meredith starts to get anxious about this whole thing - since it will be her first time being away from her parents on a different planet. Maybe she's calling her best friend on Knowhere and, while on the phone, the girls decide the best thing would be to channel Meredith's badass, brave mom by shaving her head. Meredith does it on a whim, to her parents' (mostly Nebula's) horror when they find out that night - but the damage is already done.
Fortunately, Peter helps Nebula work through the PTSD this triggers from the memories of her own hair being shaved when she was around Meredith's age. Basically, Peter helps Nebula remember that Thanos is gone, their daughter just shaved her head because she's a semi-dumb kid, and her hair will grow back. And by the time camp rolls around the next day, Meredith is excited for camp 🥰
Aaaaand surprise! She has literally the best time at camp and almost immediately becomes good friends with Mike, Will, Lucas, and Dustin (aka the main kids from Stranger Things)! I'm guessing the other campers steer clear of her at first because they think she has cancer, but the Party includes her right away. Fortunately, there's no Upside Down in this universe - just a group of adorable nerdy boys from Hawkins Middle School (who joined this summer camp because their parents made them) and their half-Luphomoid girl friend (even though they don’t find out until the end of camp, probably in some dramatic revelation right before the final performance lol).
At the end of camp, Meredith and the Party promise to stay in touch, and they stay close friends through middle/high school and beyond. 🥺 She visits them whenever she’s on earth to see her grandpa or Pepper and Morgan, and takes them to Knowhere for sleepovers. In that vein, imagining Dustin's reaction to going into space is adorable and hilarious.
Also, maybe the top right picture of Meredith hugging the older man is her with grandpa Jason (I'm so emotional at the thought of him getting to be a grandpa to a little kid again, who *isn't* stolen from him this time) and the bottom left one of her and the woman is maybe Meredith with one of her cool aunts (Gamora, Mantis, or Pepper).
Age 12
Top left photo: Meredith loves all animals (omg there are so many photos of MBB holding animals 😂), probably due to growing up with Rocket and Cosmo. Nebula could be the woman cuddling with Meredith on the top left photo, or kissing her in the bottom right. Just imagine her with no hair and blue skin lol.
Also, I think Morgan is in the matching pajamas picture (bottom row). I love the idea that Meredith and Morgan consider each other cousins (since neither have blood-related ones), and that Meredith grew up idolizing Morgan 😭 I'm so emotional about Tony and Nebula's relationship, as I imagine he was the first person outside of Gamora to show Nebula kindness and that he welcomed her into his family post-Snap. So Nebula has known and loved Morgan her whole life, and now the cycle gets to continue with Morgan loving Meredith her whole life 😭😭😭
Age 13
Continuing the Stranger Things vibes, in Meredith's third year at summer camp, she and Mike get together (as a Byler shipper, I assume they break up shortly after lol - but I'm happy Meredith gets a cute middle school romance) and she and Max become close friends. Millie and Sadie's friendship on and off-screen in ST season 3 is incredibly sweet and I love that Meredith gets to have a human girl bff in addition to all the boys.
Age 13
Look at the Partyyyyyy (ST season 3 vibes are truly immaculate)
Top middle photo: Of course, Meredith continues dancing and singing whenever she gets the chance 🥰
Top left-ish photo: Meredith and the Guardians totally get invited to Kevin Bacon's Oscars party at some point. The perks of growing up with people like Kevin Bacon as your family friend!
Age 14
Top left photo: (Ok Millie looks so much like Karen here wtf)
Top middle photos: I love the idea of Meredith finding her half-human/Luphomoid life hilarious and having fun with it, especially when she finds alien pop culture merch on earth. And of course she has a Bowie shirt!!! I assume the Bowie is reserved for GOTG business, but Rocket lets Meredith fly it around sometimes, as their little secret 🥰
Age 15
Bottom left pic: One Christmas, Aunt Mantis and Uncle Drax take Meredith hunting for festive lawn decor and tell her about that one time they kidnapped Kevin Bacon for a present...
Bottom middle pic: Meredith and Peter dancing together (maybe to "Come and Get Your Love") and making each other laugh is so precious it physically hurts my heart 😩
Age 16
Top left corner: Imagine David Harbour is Peter 🥲
...I'm.....fine 🥲
Top left-ish corner: I assume Meredith constantly drives Knowhere residents slightly crazy due to her love of blasting Taylor Swift (I assume she'll still be popular with teens in the 2030/40's lol) on the speakers and singing along.
Bottom left: Maybe grandpa Jason teaches Meredith to drive an earth car! I'm assuming he is quite old at this point and will probably die soon, but at least he gets some quality time teaching his great granddaughter to drive :')
Age 17
Top left corner: Okkkkkkk when I discovered that Millie and Lexie Rabe (Morgan Stark) did a movie together and have these adorable red carpet photos together, I just about died. Look at themmmmmm 😭😭😭😭 Tony and Nebula's little girls, together 😭😭😭
Also, the Enola Holmes photos in the bottom right corner are maybe from the same summer theater camp (since I assume she continues going every year), but a high school version of it, so the costumes and sets are nicer.
Age 18-19
And that brings us to today! After she turns 18, Meredith goes through some hair color experimentation, going from dark brown to blonde. And of course, I had to include the photos with MBB and Chris Pratt together over the years (?????!!!!!) on the bottom row. When I started this insane Meredith-headcanon journey, I had no idea they're actually doing a movie together - and am now stupidly excited for The Electric State and any promo Chris and Millie will hopefully do together for it next year 😍
I think 18-year-old Meredith decides to go to college on earth and become a vet or something, due to her love for animals. So she basically decides to permanently live on earth - though she has a ship, so she can easily travel around space whenever she wants. She dates Jake in college (MBB's actual fiance) but unlike Millie, she does not get engaged at age 19. 🙃 Sorry Millie lol.
And when Nebula and Peter eventually retire, they end up splitting their time between earth, Knowhere, and traveling around space. That's because Meredith eventually gets married and has some kids on earth, and I can't think of anything sweeter than an older Peter and Nebula getting to enjoy a chill retirement and being grandparents. Like omfg, I think it's truly the best. And something neither of them, especially Nebula, could have ever imagined during the first 30+ years of her life.
~~~~~~~~
Soooooo there's my headcanon-dump about Meredith Anthony Quill! It has brought me so much joy over the past few months to imagine this funny, sweet, adorable part-human/Luphomoid's life and how much she means to so many people, both on Knowhere and on earth. She grows up surrounded by family who have all lost so much throughout their lives, who will never take her for granted and will cherish every moment with her. Meredith's very existence is a sign of hope, love, and resilience overcoming loss, tragedy, and evil in the end. I honestly find it so profound to think about. 🥺
Anyway, if you got this far, congrats 😂 and I hope these peeks into my headcanons have brought you a little joy, too!
EDIT: After looking over this post again, I realized it was a total oversight to include several photos of N*ah Schn*pp and not include a disclaimer that I 100% oppose his recent Zionist and Islamophobic posts/likes/videos. 💔
#starbula#starbula week 2023#meredith anthony quill#i love her and would die for her#quebula#peter x nebula
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oooh @limerental has me thinking about Dijkstra and that reminded me that i never dumped my Dijkstra ramblings on tumblr. my discord peeps just end up going 👀 when i show up every three months and braindump my nonsense.
I thought about cleaning this, but I am too tired and will never share it if I try to spend time trying to make it a Post with annotations to the specific books. So you just get a my rambly galaxy brain take of how a Chancellor Dijkstra could rebuild Redania. Anyway, here we go with some fantasy worldbuilding.
TLDR; Chancellor Dijkstra legalizes drugs to replenish Redania's treasury after the war. References to the Eternal Fire and migration patterns that one could extrapolate based on the events of Nilfgaard's second invasion, and Dijkstra's experience working in the criminal underground in Novigrad.
I've thought a lot about what kind of problems Dijkstra could face in a postwar Redania and what other kind of change could be on the table.
A lot of my thinking is predicated upon the Eternal Fire and the church governance in Novigrad absolutely losing their mind that their man Radovid was assassinated and eventually (somehow?) learning that Dijkstra was behind it but never able to produce evidence of it. which just. leads to anger and other kind of conspiracies and grudges over the years.
Like… Radovid was their guy. their martyr. their mad king they canonize. even if he was or wasn't a true believer, he was Their Guy. I also vaguely remember from the books that the church hierarch also hated Dijkstra, too, so I’m sure the dead hierarch’s followers would also continue in that vein of being big mad at the new Chancellor who is not fit for such a position.
I can’t help but think the church would force Novigrad to levy a shitload of extremely high taxes on goods coming through the port, making it so fucking expensive to get anything imported into Redania or shipped out, which creates a logistical nightmare to try and get anything or out of Redania at a decent price. Everything's gotta come in via Oxenfurt or Roggenvene or something more out of the way.
They economically burn some bridges because Novigrad'll be okay, right?
So Novigrad's no longer the jewel of redania
Or maybe Novigrad/the church ends up suffering some social/economic problems because they need to take it out on Dijkstra and Redania. That means they would look for some friends elsewhere.
They would loosen some immigration restrictions and encourage more wealthy Nilfgaardians to move in and take up places in the civil service and maybe church for those who would be amenable to creating more good diplomatic relations between the city and Nilfgaard. not sure how that really would look, but sort of a thing to spite Dijkstra by having the former invaders sitting pretty in Dijkstra’s backyard.
So Redanian trade is probably fucked up. Dijkstra had to go and beg for money up in Kovir during the books to help fund the war and whatnot so I imagine the treasury is pretty damn empty. Dijkstra also really didn't appreciate having to go ask for money.
And I vaguely remember that Redania was able to absorb Kaedwen’s military, I think? At some point in the third war? Maybe? i did a quick wiki check and that looks right but my brain is foggy but if that's the case sustaining more military has gotta be expensive.
Also there are a shitload of current/former/wannabe Eternal Fire knights and bandits cooking a shitton of fisstech it seems every-fucking-where.
Crime lord Dijkstra with experience in Novigrad underworld, maybe sees an opportunity here. To legalize some form of drugs in order to obtain tax on it and create a sustainable revenue stream for Redania’s coffers for generations.
Boom. Dijkstra never again have to o ask for money for anything from anyone. ✊
Maybe start with a 3-5 year plan to get the operation up and running. funnel what money he has into the Department of Alchemy to create an actual program to teach people to cook safely, cook better even.
Maybe enlist some mages to help mitigate some of the worse side effects or help with developing a better fisstech or some other kind of alternative. but then only licensed establishments can sell the drug and we get tax revenue back to the state. then we get drug tourism, too. etc. like. he worked in the crime world for awhile so i am sure he knows the pros and cons of doing something like this better than i would but i like the thought.
I mean. there's always gonna be countryside cooks but maybe over time enough take the deal to go and get certified in cooking this fisstech because it's better than living on scraps in the woods and go legit and the banditry eventually dwindles over the years. maybe creating a whole new generation of wealth for people, too, and whatever problems and exciting things that come with new money folks and whatnot. class division with nobility and whatnot about these guys able to hobnob with the rest of them.
And then i gotta think that Dijkstra’s got some former crime bosses that he’d give a leg up on what he wants to do, and like— him figuring out how to move those game pieces. Because the other half underworld probably won’t be happy that Dijkstra’s now moving in on their market and not letting them in for whatever reason. lots of potential for getting messy. and interesting. but. reform can be a bold thing, right?
I mean it can spin out even more from that, too when you take into consideration the devastation Nilfgaard brought on the northern kingdom's infrastructure. Maybe Dijkstra finally has the people figure out the new recipe but he's gotta scale it up.
There's a bunch of foundry workers in Aedirn who probably no longer have a job because everything was burnt down by Nilfgaard. All that farmland destroyed, too.
So create a plan to encourage those people to come and start a new life in Redania with their skills and whatnot.
Get these people help build some the fisstech producing facilities in Redania. And then we can get some fisstech sold in parlors in every city.
And if you go back to Novigrad and the Eternal Fire, who maybe doesn't appreciate the economic balance of power tipping in different directions now. Also Dijkstra still killed Their Guy who was going to help usher in a new fiery generation of churchy awfulness. Instead of focusing their attention on nonhumans, the ire is recalibrated towards Redanian citizens who had been living in the city and just continue to disenfranchise and disempower them over time in the city to make it unliveable for them unless they renounce their Redanian citizenship. 😦
There's probably a lot more one can spin out from this, and I meant to use some of this for various stories but I just haven't gotten around to it. Like specifically encouraging the mages to return to help with building and supporting this infrastructure and people.
Lots of possibilities to play around with.
#witcher books#witcher wild hunt#the witcher#dijkstra#witcher meta and thoughts#i'm gonna hit post on this and remember i have another thousand words worth of ideas to spew#my brain is swiss cheese these days and my braincells are bouncing around like its a pinball in a machine - pls forgive the messiness lol
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Alright I wasn't going to post my thoughts but screw it, election day is here and I want to share my thoughts:
I'm voting for Etoiles.
Ok here we go brain dump time, I'm not rereading this so this is NOT gonna be as coherent as my usual thoughts.
Before I get into the why, I think the biggest thing we need to remember is that we have no idea what the Presidency will actually entail. For all we know, the winner could just get brainwashed and turned into a puppet immediately, but for the sake of argument, let's just say it will be a very isolating position (because no matter what the Presidency winds up being, and no matter power they actually have, I think this is the most likely outcome).
I think Etoiles is the candidate who has consistently proven to be reliable when working alone, and he reacts best to the unknown. We see this a lot in his PVP of course, but even outside of it, he's not easily shaken by conflict (we also saw this during the debates). A lot of the other candidates work well with others (like Forever or Bad) but I'm really thinking this position will require someone who is capable of quick thinking on their own. (That being said, Etoiles works very well with others, and his personality meshes well with every single person on the server).
Yesterday, we saw Bad struggle to come up with a good question to ask Cucurucho. While I 100% agree that it was a very important decision worth investing a lot of time into, ultimately he had to depend on chat, Jaiden, and the Eggs to help him think outloud and reach his final decision. I don't think the President will always be allowed to bounce ideas off other people. I'd rather trust someone who's able to think fast and make quick decisions on their own. While I do think the idea of communication and a council is a good idea in theory (though not necessarily the one Bad proposed), I doubt the Federation will go for that, and I doubt the idea will pan out.
The Federation won't play fair.
As it is right now, both Forever and Bad are capable of doing a lot in their current positions in the Order, and I worry that, as much good as they could potentially do in a position of power, I can see them getting overwhelmed and letting their emotions get the better of them if put under too much stress (as we've already seen happen before). I was really leaning towards Forever, but after watching Etoiles so much and seeing his confidence and calm under pressure over the last few weeks, it solidified my decision.
As for the other candidates, Felps I don't see online ever, so I would be reluctant to vote for him. Mike I think would be an interesting choice, but ultimately I'm not sure what he'd do in a position of power, and I'm not super clear about his goals. I think he and Pac are better working undercover against the Federation as they are now, and I'd hate to see him get separated from his partner.
Anyways this was my ranking system:
Etoiles
Forever (VERY close second)
ElQuackity
I didn't really have a backup after that, none of the other candidates really stood out to me. (I liked Baghera and Cellbit, but they got eliminated before I could make a firm decision about them).
EDIT: Also on a meta level, Etoiles has a really good understanding of the mods and game mechanics. That is all.
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PART 4
FINALLY
I got stuck about a third of the way through. This one is also very long. I’m just straight up writing a fic or something now ig ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ But I figure, if no one’s reading these, why feel self-conscious?? Galaxy brain moment. Besides I’ll probably edit this when it isn’t almost midnight, anyway.
Here is the previous part, and here is the next part
- - - -
The last thing she had expected was to receive a call from the Royal Scientist.
Had she considered contacting him in the weeks since their long conversation at the coffee shop? Sure. Not seriously considered it… but it had crossed her mind. At no point, however, had it crossed her mind that he might actually call her.
She was nervous to pick up the phone.
She almost didn’t, actually, but then two thoughts occurred to her: I probably shouldn’t ignore a call from one of the most important people in the underground, and, Wait, how is he even going to talk to me over the phone if he signs?
Curiosity got the better of her.
She put on her best professional voice.
“Hello, this is Asteri. How can I help you?”
Nailed it.
“U-Um, hi!”
That was not the same voice that had laughed and, just once, said “ah,” while sitting across a box of donuts from her six weeks ago. This voice was decidedly more feminine.
“S-Sorry to bother you! He can’t— I-I mean, the doctor, he can’t really, um, talk on the phone? So I’m, um. H-He asked me? And I-I really don’t think this is necessary, I-I’m so sorry, I’m sure y-you’re really busy—”
“I’m sorry, who is this?”
“O-Oh, my god, right, I’m sorry! I-I’m Alphys, D-Dr. Gaster’s int— um. A-Assistant.”
Ah. No wonder he had been so patient with her own stammering and nervousness back at the coffee shop, if this was what his assistant was like.
“Hello, Alphys. Why don’t you take a deep breath and start over?”
The person at the other end did so. “Okay. R-Right. Dr. Gaster wanted to call you, b— No, I am saying it like that, you did!”
Asteri raised an eyebrow as the voice on the phone seemed to address someone else for a moment.
S-Sorry about that. So, he wanted to call you, but he only really y-you know… signs? So I’m, um! Calling i-instead.”
“Right. I understand that part. Why did he want to call me?”
Alphys’ voice seemed to get quieter, like she was holding a hand over the phone. Asteri only caught parts of what she said. “No, i-it isn’t a—! …ot really need to…. and bother her about…” Finally, there was sound on the other end, presumably of Alphys holding the phone back up to her head, and a sigh. “W-We… found some human stuff, and th-the writing isn’t in English at all— S-Sorry, it’s possibly not in English. Dr. Gaster is, um, r-really interested in it, and said he knew a l-linguist wh-who might also be interested?”
It sounded like she was relaying this, as if she were reading it… or someone were signing to her as she spoke.
“Tell her wh—? Oh…” Alphys sounded more hesitant than before. “H-He says he thinks it m-might be a… new. C-Cipher.”
Asteri’s eye widened. She just went from mildly interested but hesitant, to invested. Too invested to hear the way Dr. Gaster’s assistant sounded strangely guilty. How kind of the doctor to think of her! “Where?”
“W-We’re at the, um, th-the dump in—“
Yep, she knew where that was. “Got it. I’ll be right there!”
Oh, okay! B—”
Asteri was too excited to feel bad for hanging up like that. The dump was a great place to find records of written language, both old and modern. There were sometimes other languages, too, but she didn’t have enough of any of them to even begin to translate. There were enough monster languages to keep her busy anyway. But a skeleton finding something and saying it was a cipher font? That warranted her attention. He had seemed hesitant to speak at length about ciphers, but there was definitely more than what he had told her. She hadn’t been about to pry, just grateful for what he had been willing to share, but now? An opportunity to discover something new related to that, alongside someone with that kind of knowledge? There was no way she would pass that up. Especially not since Dr. Gaster had remembered her work and interest in the subject, and was considerate enough as another scholar to call her and let her know about this discovery.
She pulled her boots on, grabbed her bag, and took off. The dump wasn’t too far from where she lived, only about a 15 minute walk. Or an eight minute run, apparently. Skidding around the corner, her tail flicked out automatically to balance her. Up ahead, standing near one of the larger waterfalls, was Dr. Gaster, whose eyes somehow looked even more sunken than before, alongside a yellow lizard monster who looked almost comically short beside him. The skeleton perked up upon catching sight of her and waved. The lizard monster, Alphys presumably, waved awkwardly from behind him. Asteri suddenly remembered the extremely awkward way she and the doctor had parted ways last time and found herself dreading what it would take to recover from that.
“Dr. Gaster,” she greeted as she approached. “It’s good to see you again. I—”
She had looked up at him then, ready to construct whatever apology was appropriate for someone of his standing, but found herself cut short by the sheer warmth of the way he was looking at her. Like he was genuinely happy to see her again, instead of just sharing a discovery with a fellow academic. His eyelights even had that pale green glow again. It threw her off enough for her to completely lose her train of thought.
He didn’t miss a beat. “Ms. Asteri! I am so relieved you could join us. My assistant, she found the most fascinating thing!” He turned to address the monster beside him. “Ah!” There was that verbal sound again. “Introductions, of course. Ms. Asteri, this is my assistant, Alphys. Alphys, this is Ms. Asteri.”
“Pleasure to meet you,” Asteri said, nodding her head in a slight bow, her habit since her wings tended to be a bit large for handshakes, and summoning hands for a quick gesture like that was often more trouble than it was worth.
To her surprise however, Alphys mirrored the gesture without seeming to give it a second thought. “Hajim— UH! Y-Yeah, y-you too!”The poor monster’s face went red. Asteri figured it was from mixing up her words, and paid it no mind. “I’m r-really just an intern, though… I’m still in college.”
Looking at her again, Asteri realized she did seem rather young. Poor thing.
“Nonsense, Alphys!” Dr. Gaster signed emphatically. “You are my brilliant and trusted assistant! If I were in charge, you would have graduated already.”
Alphys looked flustered and covered her face. Asteri smiled. That was sweet. He clearly cared about the people he worked with. One more thing she hadn’t expected from someone of both his position and his age. But she needed to focus; she was sure he wasn’t here to socialize.
“So, what did you find?”
The doctor somehow grinned even wider and pulled a piece of plastic out of his bag to hand to Asteri. “Look!”
She took the plastic— a case of some kind— and looked it over. On the front was clearly writing, but not in any language— or font— that she was familiar with. On the back was more of the same writing, but it was smaller and less colorful. That already gave her a bad feeling that this wasn’t a font of its own. She looked up in time to see Dr. Gaster finish signing something to Alphys about showing something else. The shorter monster approached her nervously, face still red, and handed over a fairly thick book. On the cover, two humans(?) with short-ish hair and huge eyes held each other in an embrace that, frankly, didn’t seem sustainable without falling over. She flipped through it. It was filled mostly with drawings, but the text that was there looked similar to the text on the back of the plastic case. It seemed to represent what was being spoken by the characters, so dialogue, which certainly lent itself to the idea of a cipher.
“What do you think?”
Asteri looked up at the man before her. He may as well have been bouncing from foot to foot with all the excited energy coming off of him. “Well, it’s hard to say. I would have assumed a different language, but with what you shared with me previously… you may be right.”
“Some of these symbols remind me of Runes of the Dragon,” he informed her, stepping closer to point to one of the more complex looking symbols. “But they look much more complicated than other parts of the text. Perhaps it is two different ciphers? I wonder why humans would write a book in such code though. Unless— No, no, that would be ridiculous. Never mind.”
She had a bad feeling about getting his hopes up. “W-Well, remember,” she said carefully, “it might not be a cipher.”
He deflated slightly, but kept his poise. “Right. Yes, of course. In either case, I… thought you would be interested.”
“Oh, well, I appreciate it, but I don’t usually work with other human languages—”
If his face had fallen any further, any faster, it might have slid right off his skull. Asteri found herself scrambling to backpedal.
“—Sssssince I don’t usually have enough material! But th-this is a lot to work with! So it will be a lot of fun to work on, whether or not it’s a cipher.”
That seemed to help bring his smile back. (Why was she so concerned about it anyway?) But he seemed much less at ease than that first time they had spoken. Well, that was none of her business. “I’m glad to hear that!” He glanced over his shoulder, then back. “I am going to see if I can find any other items with this text. They may help in deciphering this. Why don’t you speak to Alphys? She seems familiar with these items, perhaps she has some insights.”
“I’ll do that, thank you.”
He seemed to linger with her just a moment longer than necessary, like he was expecting her to say more, but she didn’t. She made her way over to where Alphys had wandered, and Dr. Gaster meandered elsewhere, seeming distracted. Strange, Asteri thought, but then corrected herself. She could hardly call it strange, she didn’t even know the man, really. Whatever odd behaviors he had, those were his business. And surely any monster would have a few idiosyncrasies after at least two centuries. Gah, she needed to focus on her work.
“Alphys—” She had barely spoken the other monster’s name, and Alphys about had a heart attack.
“M-Ms. Asteri! Haha… You scared me. S-Sorry.”
Jumpy, this one. Poor girl. Maybe she could put her more at ease somehow. “Please, just Asteri is fine. I’m hardly more deserving of an honorific than you are. Though, if you’d prefer “Ms. Alphys…””
“N-No! Uh. No, thank you. Just A-Alphys is fine.”
Several long seconds passed before Asteri decided she ought to give the scientist a bit of a nudge. “Dr. Gaster said you’re familiar with these human books and items? Is there anything you’ve noticed, any patterns? Anything that might help us decipher the text?”
Alphys fidgeted anxiously for a moment, eyes flickering between the ground, her hands, and Asteri. At last, she took a deep breath, glanced over to check where Dr. Gaster was, and then shuffled closer. “O-Okay, I-I-I have to admit s-something.”
Asteri raised an eyebrow.
“This is-isn’t a cipher. It’s… It’s a human language,” she sighed, sounding far too guilty. “It’s called Japanese. O-Or, um, nihongo. I-I, um, like to collect this kind of stuff, that’s how I know. There’s these um, these sh-shows, called anime, a-and actually they’re really interesting b-because they deal with a lot of u-uncommon tropes compared to most human media? Like there’s this one, and th-there’s these clothes that are actually aliens—“
“Alphys…”
The lizard monster’s mouth clicked shut. “I-I’m sorry,” she squeaked.
Asteri sighed softly, and not unkindly. “It’s fine. Really. It sounds… sort of interesting. I’d be happy to listen later. But I need you to focus right now.”
“R-Right. Right! Okay! S-So, anime. The audio, it’s in Japanese. It’s its own language. I’ve heard it, a-and it’s nothing like a cipher. B-But, um, Dr. Gaster saw one of my DVD cases a-and I guess it really, um, threw him off? That he wasn’t familiar with the text? B-Because the first thing he did w-was ask where I found it, so I told him the dump in Waterfall, of course. The next thing I know, we’re headed here a-and he’s talking about you again, and I’m thinking oh gosh, this isn’t even a f-font thing, but I can’t tell him that—”
“Hold on, hold on. Back up.” Asteri paused. “Actually, first, I’m sorry for interrupting you a second time. That was rude. But what do you mean, talking about me again?”
Alphys went pale. “Did- Did I say that?” She laughed nervously. “N-Nooo, um, it’s not like, uh! Eheh… N-Not like in a- in a creepy way!” Asteri just stared at her, waiting for an explanation. Alphys sighed. “L-Look, um, ever since he got back to the lab a few weeks ago, all he’s talked about is ‘the n-nice monster he met who asked him about fonts,’ and what- what a nice time he had. And, y-y’know, w-we asked him about it, because gosh, it’s not like he really, um, gets out much? At. At all. Even the people who have worked with him way longer could tell you, h-he pretty much lives at the lab. So it’s, um, nice to know he actually had a, um, a-a conversation. Not about engineering. W-With like, a real person, who doesn’t work with us.”
At this, she started to blush a little. “O-Okay, and you- you know how it is at work! Y-You like, kinda tease each other? Right? S-So, um! We, you know. K-Kinda. Gave him a hard time. M-Mostly the others! Not me! I-I mean I did a little, but like not very much, I didn’t get weird about it!”
Where was this going?
“A-And so finally, he tried to get us— th-them!— to stop by saying that y-you guys um, exchanged numbers. S-So you were going to. Call him? A-And then when your schedules lined up, y-you’d go, um. Talk. Again.” Alphys smiled nervously. “B-But, um. You… didn’t. W-Which is fine! I-I’m sure you’re busy! B-But he was just, really sure you would. S-So he kept making me check that his phone was working. And it was, of course. But, well, um. He. Got… anxious? I think? So everyone kept telling him to just call if he was that worried, b-but he wouldn’t, he kept saying you were p-probably really busy. P-Plus, like, I mean, I get it, I hate making calls too. S-So all of this has been going on for- for a couple weeks. And then he saw m-my anime DVD, a-and… yeah.”
Asteri blinked several times, a pit forming in her stomach. So used to dealing with the niceties (like exchanging contact information) of her peers and seniors in academia, and the transparently false but necessary pleasantries (like saying that you really should meet up again soon), it had never occurred to her that it was entirely sincere when he said those things. All this time he had actually been waiting for her to call. He genuinely wanted to talk again, but assumed she was too busy to call, so as soon as he saw something that might possibly be relevant to her work or interest her…
“Oh my god,” she whispered, mostly to herself. “I messed up.”
And now she had to break the news to him that it wasn’t a cipher at all. Or even remotely related to her work. She wasn’t going to make Alphys do that, this wasn’t her fault. Asteri wouldn’t have wanted to correct her boss over that kind of misunderstanding either, were she in Alphys’ position.
“N-No, no, it’s not you!” Alphys hurried to reassure her, not having been privy to her thoughts. “I-I should have told him, I, um…!”
“No, it was definitely me,” Asteri sighed, dragging the edge of her wing down her face. She shuffled forward a bit more, looking to make sure that Dr. Gaster was still preoccupied, then lowered her voice and addressed Alphys again. “I- Okay, I’m not used to dealing with anyone particularly genuine. Most of the other scholars I talk to either don’t especially care about my work, or aren’t interested enough to seek me out on their own. Which is fine, it kind of goes both ways. We meet up in groups every year or so, sometimes a few times a year, exchange or update contact information, refer each other to researchers in related fields, and so on. Occasionally we’ll send some emails back and forth about something relevant to our work. But nobody really makes friends, okay?”
She knew she sounded frustrated, and hoped Alphys understood that it was directed inwardly, not at her.
“So I happen to run into the man I’ve been debating emailing for weeks, manage to not only get him to answer a few questions, but sit down and have an hours-long conversation with me! It was great! Way more than I hoped. It wraps up, he offers his phone number, and to me it’s—“ She groaned. “It was the same song and dance. That’s what I thought, anyway! I didn’t realize he actually expected me to contact him! I haven’t been busy, I assumed there was no chance in hell that the ROYAL SCIENTIST was going to want me to call him up for a chat!”
By now her tail was flicking back and forth in agitation, the magic of her wings flickering slightly and fraying at the edges for the same reason. She summoned hands just to rake them through her hair and then bury her face in them.
“Alphys. Be honest. How badly did I screw over my chances of being on good terms with the Royal Scientist?”
The lizard monster had been doing her very best to hold in a slight smile. Knowing Dr. Gaster made Asteri’s worries seem far less serious, but obviously the older woman was distressed. “N-Not at all, I don’t think! He- He’s really understanding. Um, I’ve made a lot— a lot— of mistakes, but he’s really patient! I-I’m sure he’ll understand if you explain.”
Asteri peeked through her fingers. “You really think so?”
“Yeah! You seem like- like a really kind person, Asteri! Don’t worry about it! Dr. Gaster is r-really nice. H-He won’t be mad, I promise.”
“I won’t be mad about what?”
They both yelped at the blue hands that suddenly manifested near them. A few yards away, Dr. Gaster was sloshing through the water toward them, a troubled expression on his face. Asteri wanted to melt into the water and slither away. It wasn’t ideal since it would mean abandoning her clothes, but it also wouldn’t be the first time she’d used that exact method to escape an uncomfortable situation. Unfortunately, this just wasn’t one she could justify escaping from.
“What happened? Is something wrong?”
Asteri tried not to hunch in on herself, and refused to let her magic shift her into something better at hiding. “N-No, nothing is wrong. I just, um…” Meet his eyes, Asteri. She let out a heavy breath. “There’s just a misunderstanding I’d like to clear up. Maybe…” She glanced at Alphys, then back to the doctor. “Maybe we could sit at my house, and I could explain over some sea tea. I don’t live far.”
Dr. Gaster and Alphys exchanged looks (worried and reassuring, respectively), before he agreed with a nod. “Alright… If it isn’t any trouble.”
“None at all. Follow me.”
The walk was uncomfortable. Asteri weighed down by the misunderstanding and the fact that the text had nothing to do with fonts, Gaster troubled by whatever no one was telling him, and Alphys stuck in the middle.
“Alphys,” Gaster signed anxiously as they followed Asteri from behind, a few minutes into the trip. “Have I done something to upset her?”
“N-No, no!” Alphys whispered back, trying to sound reassuring. “I-It’s nothing.”
“Are you certain? She seems… different than before. Perhaps it was a bad time.” He strangled a noise of dismay in his throat. “She was probably busy! I knew I should not have called!”
“S-Sir, with all due respect, calling her w-was absolutely the right decision.”
He didn’t seem convinced, and let himself slouch forward with a despondent sigh. “Oh Alphys, you don’t have to side with me just because I’m your boss. Be honest. She looked very upset.”
“W-Well, she… she was, but—“
“I knew it!”
“Sir, that wasn’t—“
“This is why I have no social life, Alphys! I’m too overbearing!”
“Doctor, p-please.”
He swiveled his head to her, looking far more forlorn than a skeleton with a mostly-fixed smile ought to be able to. It was the big glassy eyes, Alphys decided. How did he even do that? He didn’t even have actual eyes. She sighed.
“Sir, she’s not upset at you.”
He paused, standing a little straighter. “She… isn’t?”
Alphys sighed. “No.”
“Almost there,” came Asteri’s voice as they rounded a corner. “If you go into the kitchen, we can use fire magic to dry off. Then, uh. Just sit wherever is comfortable. Kitchen table, living room…”
It wasn’t like she hadn’t heard Alphys whispering. She hadn’t caught what was being said, but Alphys and Dr. Gaster were clearly talking about something. Oh well. It couldn’t get much more awkward than it already was anyway.
After they got to her home, dried off, and sat down at the kitchen table, she heated the kettle for tea and sat down with them to wait for it. This was going to be so, so uncomfortable. Might as well get it over with. She took a deep breath and looked first to Alphys, who gave a nervous but reassuring smile and thumbs-up. Then she turned to the skeleton across from her and took a deep breath.
“Dr. Gaster. About… the text.”
His eyes widened and he bent over to reach into his bag, blue hands blinking into existence in the air to sign for him as he did so. “Oh, yes! I found a few more instances! Here, I’m sure that more examples will help with deciphering it.”
He sat back up and set another two DVD cases and half of a now dry but previously waterlogged manga onto the table. He looked far too hopeful. Asteri’s tail twitched guiltily. She shifted her wings to let the magic rub together, not unlike someone wringing their hands. Better to just tell him and get him over with.
“Look, this—” Another sigh. She just couldn’t bring herself to crush him like that. She tried again, tone softer. “Doctor. I really appreciate you going through the trouble to find these.”
He brightened. That was worse.
“It was… so kind of you to think of my work and call me.”
His smile faltered a little.
“But this text, it… Well, it isn’t…”
It faltered a lot.
Asteri mustered the courage to look him in the eye again. “It… It isn’t a cipher. It’s some other human language.”
He wasn’t smiling at all anymore. Not genuinely.
“Here, on this case—“ She pointed with her tail to part of the title on the DVD case he had first handed her. “These symbols right here, on the front, are the same as the ones here—“ She flipped it over to point to a specific place. “—on the back. The ones on the front are just written with a rounder, more colorful… font.”
She winced at that, knowing it was probably a slap in the face to point out the fonts like that, but there was really no way around it. Sure enough, he looked even more crestfallen than earlier. She wanted to say something more, but the kettle whistling forced her out of her seat.
“You said she wasn’t upset with me,” Gaster signed hollowly, once Asteri’s back was turned.
Alphys was much better at understanding sign language than using it, but she could sign, albeit much more slowly than her superior. But this was in too close of quarters for her to whisper. “She’s not!”
Gaster turned his head sharply to look at her. “She just told me I wasted her time, and pointed out that this is clearly written in two different fonts!”
Alphys gave him an exasperated look and tried to remember how to sign what she wanted to get across. “She thanked… you… for thinking … of her—“
“To be polite!”
“She… isn’t upset… with… you.”
“No, I’m sure she thinks me a fool. How in the underground did I miss that it’s two different fonts?! I’m a skeleton!”
“You… haven’t… slept… in days.”
Gaster scoffed silently. “I took a nap…”
“Yesterday.”
“Sorry for the wait.”
Both scientists looked up in time to see Asteri turn around with a cup in each of… her now three tails. No, it was still one tail, but she had split it into three prehensile ends.
“It won’t be cold, since I just made it, but I put ice cubes in there…”
Alphys was quick to latch onto literally anything other than comforting her boss. “Th-That’s fine, thank you!” She took a sip once it was set in front of her.
“Yes, thank you.”
Asteri returned to her seat and sipped her own tea, if only to escape the discomfort of continuing the conversation for a few more seconds. Dr. Gaster had to be disappointed he had wasted his time. And now she was about to make it worse.
“Um. There’s one other thing.”
Dr. Gaster’s eyelights flitted over to Alphys for a split second, surrounded by just the faintest glow of violet.
Asteri rubbed the back of her neck— it was attached to her head for the time being— and looked away. “I… feel like you’re going to be upset, even though Alphys said otherwise, and it would be completely understandable. But you deserve to know the truth.”
He looked to Alphys again, panicked. She quickly signed, “It’s okay!” Then, after a beat, “I think.”
He wasn’t reassured.
“The last month and a half… I have not been particularly busy. Not too busy to make a phone call, anyway.”
Silence. Stillness.
“I… ugh, where do I begin? When I meet with other scholars…”
“I’ll save you the trouble, Ms. Asteri.”
She looked up as soon as she saw hand movement. “I’m sorry?”
“I’ll save you the trouble of explaining.” Dr. Gaster’s smile was forced, maintained only so as not to make his host feel guiltier than she clearly already did. Somehow, the shadows under his eye sockets looked even darker. “You do not need to cushion it. I apologize for troubling you. You need not spend any more time on this. Thank you for being honest with me.” He stood, then, and gestured for Alphys to do the same. “You do not need to apologize for not wanting to call, I understand. Please forgive this old skeleton for overstepping the boundary you meant to set. Thank you for the tea. We will take our leave, now. You have a sharp mind; I wish you well on your future endeavors.” He turned. “Alphys?”
“W-Wait,” the lizard monster protested weakly. “I-I-I don’t think…”
Asteri, who had only grown increasingly mortified at the misunderstanding as he had gone on, finally snapped out of her frozen horror and rushed to clarify. “Wait, no! No, no, no, hold on! That’s- That’s not what I meant at all!”
Dr. Gaster turned back to her, unsure, but waited for her to continue.
“I’m absolutely interested in talking more with you!” she blurted, thinking it best to be clear now, then try to save face later. His eyes widened. “I didn’t call because when I talk to my colleagues, the- the unspoken understanding when we say that we’ll be in contact is that we won’t actually contact each other unless something important enough to share is discovered, and even that’s just with peers! Senior researchers?? Y-You don’t contact them unless it’s something BIG! When you said to call you, I didn’t think… you actually… meant… it.“
Her voice grew smaller and smaller as she trailed off. It sounded so stupid to actually say to him. He frowned. Her chest clenched. She couldn’t keep looking at his face, so she just looked at his hands.
“I said I wanted to hear more about your work.”
“I-I know.”
“I asked that you call me.”
“I know.”
“…Multiple times.”
She winced. “I… Yeah. I know.”
A pause. Then: “Ms. Asteri, please look at me.”
She looked up. He… wasn’t mad. If anything, he just looked confused, and a little sad. Her stomach settled slightly.
“I’m not angry with you,” he clarified, just in case. “I just… don’t understand how what I said could have been misunderstood…”
“That’s entirely my fault,” Asteri sighed. “I’m not used to people being genuine. Especially about their interest in my work. And with your… your position, I thought…”
“My position?” The man looked genuinely puzzled. She actually laughed a little.
“Well, yeah. I wasn’t about to just, call up the Royal Scientist to ask if he wants to chitchat! With me of all people!”
Dr. Gaster frowned, still confused. “Why not?”
Her mouth opened, then clicked shut. There wasn’t exactly a good answer to that, was there? “You’re like, super important,” she offered weakly, eyes flicking away again. “You run the CORE, and maintain the phone and internet networks, and… probably a bunch of other important things. Why would you make time to talk to me? I happened to catch you at a good time, before, but I don’t actually have anything helpful to offer. Everyone knows you keep to yourself, so—“
“That is because I have no social skills,” he interrupted.
She almost snorted at the doctor’s deadpan self-awareness. Alphys actually did snort.
“And is companionship, is pleasant conversation not something important to offer?”
Asteri smiled a little, for a second, but it slipped away with a regretful sigh. “I’m sorry, Dr. Gaster.”
He picked up the smile that had fallen from her face. The one he offered her was hopeful, reassuring— and it stuck this time. “I am not upset, Ms. Asteri.”
She looked back up. “No?”
“No.”
“I-I told you!” Alphys whispered to Asteri, who smiled.
Dr. Gaster hesitated, looking almost bashful, before signing again “Am I correct in understanding that you… did enjoy my company, then?”
She blew an almost-laugh through her nose, relieved the tension had mostly passed. “Yes, you’re correct.”
The next question was even more tentative. “And you didn’t call because the current culture in your branch of academia is… no contact unless necessary?”
Bluish green magic collected into a slight blush across her cheeks. “Y-Yes, but I would have called if- if I’d realized you were being sincere.”
“That is… a weight off my mind, I must admit.”
“I‘m sorry for the whole misunderstanding.”
“Really, it’s alright. I am just glad I did not overstep any boundaries.”
Alphys breathed a sigh of relief as Dr. Gaster returned to his seat. “Oh th-thank god. I-If this hadn’t gotten cleared up, it w-would’ve been so awkward all the way back to the lab.”
Asteri slumped back into her chair as the tension bled out of her and wrapped her wings around herself, grabbing her tea with her tail— now back to one single appendage. “I would have had to leave the world’s most anxious voicemail.”
“Heh.” That got a chuckle out of Dr. Gaster, apparently.
“S-So are you guys going to, um, h-hang out now?” Alphys asked, a bit too eager. She had her phone out, Asteri noticed with both amusement and concern, like she was waiting to text someone.
Asteri turned back to the man across from her. “Well, Doctor? Are we?”
Apparently skeletons blushed pink. “If you are not opposed to the idea… I would certainly enjoy hearing more about your work.”
She grinned. “I believe we just established that I’m not opposed.”
“Right, yes. Sorry. I have not slept… well. Lately.”
“You haven’t slept at all, sir,” Alphys chimed in without looking up from where she was rapidly typing on her phone. Dr. Gaster made a noise of mild offense and raised his hands to respond, but she cut him off. “The nap from yesterday doesn’t count.”
Asteri jerked forward. “You haven’t slept? In that long‽”
“Oh…” He smiled crookedly, eyes beginning to droop. “You use interrobangs. How delightful. I haven’t seen one of those in ages…”
Alphys looked up from her phone. The two women exchanged a look.
“Is this a common occurrence?”
“O-Oh, yeah. If he doesn’t, um, have coffee, he starts to crash after a while.”
“Is he even going to make it back to New Home?”
The hand wiggle from Alphys wasn’t particularly reassuring. “We, uh, might have to get him some coffee. B-But I’m sure he’d be fine!”
With a sigh, Asteri stood and addressed each of them individually. “Alphys, I’m going to need your help. Dr. Gaster… consider this the first step in our friendship.”
His eyes opened slightly. “Hmm…?”
“You’re sleeping on my couch.”
- - - -
NOTES
Yeah so this was actually going to be longer but it was so long already. But the good news is that I’m working on part 5 already.
As you can see I’m a “sea tea is cold” truther. Also, hopefully I managed to get across some things about signing, which are that being able to move your hands that quickly can be hard if you’re out of practice (or didn’t practice much to begin with), even if you know the signs; and facial expression is super important. Asteri interpreting Gaster’s comments about her not calling him as flat and judgmental has a lot to do with the fact that she’s avoiding his face, only looking at his hands. Some things don’t translate directly back and forth in sign language, so some of Gaster’s speech patterns are the result of context and how he’s signing. I’m gonna do more research too.
#nothing better for fiction than poor communication skills#I seriously considered making them even worse but ultimately I couldn’t commit to writing that much drama#and ultimately who cares this is for my own enjoyment first and foremost#So my pacing is horrendous sue me.#so the tone shifts too abruptly#what are you gonna do about it?#anyway#interrobangs are just the beginning#Asteri backstory#⁂ fic#seeker oc#asteri#gaster#⁂ gaster#alphys#long post#seeker writes#⁂
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Avery/Eden Thoughts
So this has 0 basis in canon (as far as I know), but awhile ago my brain just decided that Avery and Eden are exes and uhh the brainworms increased from there so I thought I'd share.
Before getting into it, I'll note that in my playthrough they're both women so my HCs are definitely influenced by that. Not sure if it'll be obvious or not but I figured it was worth mentioning!
I have 0 idea if this is confirmed/denied anywhere but as far as this goes: Avery and Eden are roughly the same age, a year or so apart at most. I also think of them both as being 30-40, typically mid thirties.
So in my mind, Eden used to live in the town but was already on their way out by the time they were in high school, spending more and more time in the forest, etc. In my mind they had a sorta similar upbringing to PC, either bouncing around foster care or their parents were at least emotionally absent, but they didn't grow up in the orphanage.
IMO they're probably already pretty strong from all the time they spend out in the forest, or probably getting into fights with people.
Given that and the fact that they're pretty anti social, I think in high school they already were considered pretty intimidating, and they had the physique to back it up.
With Avery, I once again have 0 idea on what canon is or what Vrel maybe has said on the topic, but in this very specific context: I think their parents were successful and affluent business people and Avery was regularly expected to show up at rich people parties or whatever. Their parents also would have had Concerns about their child's safety, and probably insist upon a bodyguard.
However, Avery does not want to have a stuffy bodyguard with them at these engagements, they're of the opinion that they can take care of themselves perfectly well, but if their parents are going to INSIST: Avery will find someone suitable themselves.
Which is where Eden enters the picture.
Is Eden interested in Avery? No.
Is Eden interested in this kind of socialite nonsense? Also no.
Is Eden interested in building up some savings so they can be self sufficient and get the hell out of this town? Yes.
Is Avery offering significant pay for what is ultimately very little actual work? They sure are!
So when Avery approaches them about being a bodyguard for them + acting like they're a couple (to a point), and Avery is offering to pay really well for this... Eden begrudgingly says they'll do it at least the one time.
Eden ends up finding the work to be tiring and annoying but less exhausting than any other work they can find, and again: the pay is great!!
They also end up catching feelings for Avery, who turns out to have a good sense of humor and the ability to be incredibly charming. Avery is very aware of this, and whether or not they return Eden's feelings is a mystery, but they're certainly willing to use this to their advantage.
So they end up sleeping together on more than one occasion, and this arrangement goes on for like a year or so. Eden is p sure Avery doesn't return their feelings, but they ignore that. Avery is getting attached, but isn't happy about it.
And then the importance of Avery having a bodyguard becomes very real when they're attacked or something, and Eden protects them, but in the process gets a pretty nasty injury on their face.
Once Avery realizes that Eden is going to have a VERY nasty scar, they end things.
At this point, they're both out of high school and Avery is very aware of how important appearances are. This has been fun, but Avery really can't be seen with someone whose reputation as "aspiring forest hermit" becomes quite hard to deny when they look like they lost a fight with a bear.
Eden is crushed (and angry), and without anything tying them to the town anymore, they fully move into the forest and their half built cabin. Avery dumping them ends up giving Eden quite a complex about their appearance (though other people's comments also contributed).
The two of them never speak again.
(Probably)
#degrees of lewdity#eden the hunter#avery the businessperson#Avery/Eden#thoughts at midnight#Eden#Avery#dol headcanons
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Happy new year! Here's a WIP (emphasis on the WIP) that I started writing a while ago for my favorite, Glacier!
Working Title: glacier falling in love
Fandom: Ninjago
When Cole thinks about it, he really couldn't be more obvious than he already was.
"Go catch up with your boyfriend!" "I hope you two are done making out." "I know you two are having a moment, but we have more important things to be doing." They had been piling on him a lot recently. It bugged him. What exactly did they think he and Zane were up to when no one else was around? They were just friends! Just like he was with Kai or Jay… but clearly no one else shared in that sentiment, except for Zane, though he never said it. It was just obvious whenever he rolled his eyes… At least, Cole thought that was what that meant. Was there something he was missing? Why wasn't anyone telling him? He grumbled to himself as he prepared his chili, something he rarely got to do anymore. (Not that he was complaining- Zane's food is amazing and he gets why everyone loved it more than his- it's just that it had felt like a forgotten hobby.) What exactly could he possibly be missing? He raked his brain as he chopped up some vegetables, frowning to himself. Maybe it was the fact that they always sat next to each other during meals. Well, that wasn't Cole's fault; Zane invited him to, patting the spot beside him. He had done that for days, and every single time, Cole came to join him, before it just became some sort of… routine for them. It would've been rude to reject the white ninja's request! Plus, if Zane suddenly didn't feel like eating that day, the master of earth always had the space for two helpings, so he didn't feel guilty about wasting food. Then, if it wasn't that, maybe it was because he always stayed behind to help Zane clean up after meals… No, it couldn't be. It was only rude to refuse helping a friend out. It wasn't his fault that everyone else always seemed to have something else to do… well, except when Wu or Nya would offer, but that was occasional, and Zane would only glance over at Cole for a moment before returning his gaze back to his sensei or fellow ninja. It always stirred something in his chest, but it was easier not to wonder about that. The master of earth sighed as he dumped the chopped vegetables into the chili, before grabbing the ladle and stirring slowly. If it wasn't either of those, then what could it be that the others were teasing them for?
Late in the evening, Cole had gotten up to get a glass of water. He had spent a lot of his day either training or drawing, and had forgotten about his bodily needs multiple times during the latter. He figured it'd be best if he got up to take care of at least one of them before heading to bed. After all, he had to be up early the next day, and the moon was well up in the sky by now. He stepped into the kitchen of the monastery and reached up into the cabinet full of cups and mugs. He closed the cabinet door after taking one, before nearly jumping up into the ceiling. "Zane- you nearly gave me a heart attack," he breathed out sharply, glaring ahead at the taller boy. He sighed. "We really need to get you a bell…" The other cocked his head and his brow curved upward in concern, the light from the dying kitchen bulb giving him a warm hue, one that clashed with his glowing blue eyes in an… interesting way. "Heart attack?" "No, not literally," the black ninja assured with an amused huff, heading over to the sink to get his water. He caught the way his shoulders and face relaxed with relief before he turned all the way towards the sink, and he had to hide away his humored smile. "Well, then, what bell would suffice? I can always download one if my silent entrances truly are a disturbance." Cole laughed at that. "No, no, I just mean that you're so quiet, I could've taken you for an intruder, and then I would've had to explain to Wu why you were stuck head first in the counter. You're lucky the bulb hasn't completely gone out yet." Zane shared in the laugh. "I suppose I am," he agreed. He paused to let him drink his water, watching all the while, before it seemed curiosity got the better of him and his lips pursed. "... If you don't mind me asking, what are you doing up this late?" "I could be asking you the same question." "I'll answer if you do." Well, fair was fair, Cole guessed. "Just drawing. I haven't been able to in ages, and time caught up with me," he mumbled, glancing away from the other sheepishly for a moment.
"And you?" "... I've been… trying to figure out my full capacities as a nindroid," Zane explained softly, almost reluctantly, looking down at the floor. "Maybe it is morbid curiosity, but I do want to know." It had only been a couple of weeks since the master of ice had learned that he was a nindroid. Cole was surprised. "Y'know, if you don't want to talk about it, you don't have to-" "But I do! I want to! It's just so… different from any of your experiences in life, from Jay's and Kai's, even Sensei Wu's, and after thinking I was the same in that aspect for so long… It almost feels like I'm generally different in every way than I thought I was. It feels like I lied to all of you, but I do not know what about." He sighs and shakes his head. "It is ridiculous, I know." Cole pursed his lips as he looked at the other up and down, trying to figure out what to say. He understood his feelings, maybe not in a way that he had genuinely felt in his own life, but he could empathize, thinking back to his own life and having to figure himself out for years. It certainly wasn't trying to figure one's self out from the ground up, though. "... I feel like that's just what it feels like to be human sometimes," he hummed. Zane looked at him again, an eyebrow raised. "Maybe not all the way, but in some ways. Sometimes, someone learns something about themselves they had never thought would be possible or had never thought about period, and it ends up feeling almost like the end of the world; you never knew this about yourself. You were never lying about who you were, you're just learning something new about yourself with everyone else. You're still the same person." He offered the other a reassuring grin. "That's the most sane response anyone could have." Zan blinked a couple of times, before he returned the smile sheepishly. "You seem to know more about this kind of thing than I thought you would have." "I'm full of surprises!" "Clearly," Zane responded, amused. The two shared a quiet moment as Cole sipped his water, before the black ninja sighed. "I should get some sleep… you coming?" "I will… May I take care of your glass?" "You may." He ceremoniously placed the cup in his hand. "Thanks." "It is my pleasure," the master of ice smiled, taking Cole's place at the sink. "Get some good rest. You are going to need it." The water started as Cole started making his way to the bedroom. "Good night." "Night." Cole had made it to his bunk, and even though he knew he needed to sleep, he couldn't quite reach that peace of mind. Something was stuck up in his brain, and he had to get it out. So, trying not to think about the later consequences of his current actions, he reached for his sketchbook.
(Because Cole stayed up late, he woke up late, yet still tired. “I can hear when you're awake” “Alright, Santa” Wu whoops his ass during training before he makes him do an extra two hours of training and clean the training area until it's spotless. Zane quietly joins in the punishment without being told. He could have gotten away scott free since it doesn't seem Wu had even known he had been awake, but he says that he technically deserved the same punishment, regardless of being caught. It leads the two to bond. Later, Zane feeds him dinner early and ushers him to bed, knowing he's exhausted.)
(Something between)
[Rewrite in Cole's perspective] Zane was making dinner, like he always did. He didn't mind cooking for everyone; he actually quite enjoyed it. It gave him time alone for a bit, let him think about other things. Normally, at least. Here he'd been, chopping away at the ingredients he'd be using, when Cole had entered, uninvited. Usually, this would have led Zane to shoo him away, as he did with anyone that entered without getting permission to- after all, there were knives in small spaces. It was dangerous. But Cole usually wasn't the one to enter; that was left for Kai and Jay. The master of earth knew better… So why was he here now? “Hello,” Zane greeted politely, setting the knife down. He could hear the confusion in his own voice, so he cleared it. “Did you need something, Cole?” Cole didn't say anything for a minute, looking around as if he hadn't meant to walk in at all. He scratched his cheek awkwardly. “I… don't know,” he finally managed, still standing beside the kitchen door. He huffed quietly at himself. “I guess I wanted to ask if… you wanted any help?” Zane blinked, surprised. No one had ever seemed interested in helping him. He raised a brow. “Really? Why would you want to? I feel like it would be… less than entertaining.
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On birthday woes : why zz/wyb decided to stay quiet on their special day 🎂🎁
I’ve been wanting to put all my thoughts regarding this whole topic in one place as I try to make sense of it. also if anyone wants to know what I think, then feel free to read along. please don’t take my word for it. this is just my brain dump.
I feel let down tbh, that both of them are not celebrating their birthdays like the previous years. If you think about it, it shouldn’t be a big deal. I guess most people even antis & passerby will be fine with them being all over weibo on the day of their birthday. No matter what is going on in the country. It’s not exactly classified as “entertainment”, tho they are part of that circle. It’s a personal celebration and fans who support them will want to give their greetings. but that’s just me talking. selfish me who was so spoiled for the past years ( bring 2020 celebration back! ). I know they have a good reason to do so and I wouldn’t be such a fan if these two weren’t so self aware and responsible. now let me write about the possible reasons and a bit of cpn.
• Political Timing ⏱
Yibo’s birthday week fell on Nancy Pelosi’s visit to Taiwan ( August 2 ) and the whole political nightmare that created. Tensions were high and people were talking about possible retaliation from China’s side. Add the hyper nationalists who were posting “crying” ( I don’t know how else to call it ) videos on Douyin because Pelosi landed in Taiwan, despite XJP’s regime making them believe that they will shoot down any United States plane that will try and make an independent visit to Taiwan.
All over weibo, you saw people and celebrities sharing the One China ( policy ) post — showing their support to their country. Posts about China’s military, hinting that they are ready for whatever happens. Finally, the morning of Bobo’s birthday, China released their sanctions to the US for what happened. So overall, it wasn’t a good look to be plastering Yibo’s place all over all Weibo. Or in major cities like Beijing or Shanghai for that matter. Tho as i said earlier, a simple personal birthday post or selfie from him wouldn’t hurt— I guess it was just an executive decision to stay quiet.
GG’s day on the other hand, comes right after the National Day Holiday. Also weeks before the National Congress that @rainbowsky mentioned here and if you don’t know the importance of this then let me direct you to @potteresque-ire explanation here. While I do understand how extra careful GG and his team are, also sensitive to current events, I feel like they could still get away with posting a personal photo. It’s also worth mentioning that there are other big-name celebrities who posted birthday content weeks/ days before GG ( Yangmi and WJK for example ). Even someone who posted on the same day as GG ( TJC ).
• Qinglang call & personal decisions
The literal meaning of QingLang (清朗) is “cleansed and uncontaminated.” Originally, the program was presented as aimed at the “control of chaos” (乱象治理的通) in the cyberspace. It was explained that the “chaos” was mostly created by the fan groups of celebrities, where “fanaticism” was on display and inappropriate comments were published on a variety of items.
To those who are not familiar with this, it’s a campaign started back in May 2021 regarding responsible online behavior. You might also remember the boys’ studios mentioning this when they share posts related to fan behavior. particularly with Yibo last year, his studio posted about adhering to rules set by the campaign.
It is important to point out that these rules are not only aimed at celebrities but to big network platforms & companies as well. and as detailed below:
The 4 major points of Qinglang 2022:
• Companies “deepen their understanding’ of the QingLang campaign. They should “effectively improve the political position” and “fight a tough, protracted and overall battle” to make sure that all that is posted expresses loyalty to “the CCP and the Country.”
• The companies should assume and assign responsibility. If something disloyal to the CCP and the Country is posted, the Party wants to know who was responsible for it. “Each responsibility should be assigned to specific positions and personnel to ensure that all stages of work are carried out without compromise.”
• Once the responsible personnel has been clearly identified, it should “control key sections such as topics, groups, and circles.” Further “chaos” will not be tolerated, meaning that posts should be “cleaned up” and if necessary edited or cancelled immediately.
• The companies should “strengthen security. It is necessary to continuously improve the community rules,” and also “improve the political commitment” of company executives. There should be CCP cells in each company office. The Internet companies should acknowledge “the political leading role of Party organizations,” and cooperate in case of “special operations”.
It’s all in the glory of the CCP and gives the impression that everything not aligned to CCP’s ideals is considered chaos. No surprise there.
I actually thought Yibo’s move was something Yuehua recommended and their artists are doing. Since they are, after all, a company that should adhere to the same Qinglang call for suppressing fan behavior. But No. I saw his other label mates posting on their birthday this year ( 2022 ) ( for example Hangeng ).
Which leads me to the conclusion of it’s a mix of this campaign and a personal decision. Let’s face it, these rules were created for fandoms like what ZZ/WYB have. Their solo fandoms are known to be really extravagant when it comes to their birthday ( among other things ) + they have a strong CP following too. Also add the brands they endorse on the mix — they can sponsor birthday events and release special edition bday products. It’s this whole “excessiveness” that the boys and their own studios are ( what I think ) avoiding to happen. It’s a small price to pay for two people who are notoriously private and have always been humble about their fame. The public’s view on celebrities have not been good for the past years — amidst the scandals that happened — it is a conscious choice to not flaunt anything lavish.
Having a quiet and simple birthday isn’t so bad, compared to possible “trouble” they can get into if the celebrations and fan activities are misunderstood.
I’m wondering if the personal part of this decision was discussed between the two of them. It’s not even CPN, even if you don’t think they’re dating, as close friends — they can ask each other. They have celebrity friends i’m sure or even “seniors” to consult but no one in that circle knows what it’s like to be in the position they’re in than each other. Plus they’ve aways had this “understanding” between them from when they met in CQL shoot and beyond. I’m thinking about them sitting down and seriously looking at what they can actively do to be less of a “celebrity” and the first thing that came to mind is give up the whole birthday extravagance. They may have different career paths now but their values are still the same — those of us who pay attention can clearly see that. This is why they work so well together.
I am not privy to what other c-ent celebrities are like but there is a reason why both of them have the fan following they have. They are good people. They ( mostly ) inspire their fans to be better. ZZ/WYB have always tried to set a good example, and oftentimes at the expense of their comfort. It’s so easy to repost propaganda content. It’s easy to attend state approved events. It’s easy to film VCRs/films/dramas to lend “support” to whatever projects the state is pushing. What’s hard is to look into yourself and see what you can let go from all the excess. I am comforted by the knowledge that they can still celebrate their birthday quietly, and that’s how they want it to be. What’s important is they had a good day.
I think the best birthday gift we can give zz/wyb is to have fun on their day. Go out and spend time outside. Have a day to ourselves and not be online.
-END.
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