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#burnt-scone
burnt-scone · 1 year
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simpleanarchy · 2 years
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toyastales · 2 months
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A good mix of contemporary and modern design
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shatterthefragments · 1 month
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With the shittiest filleting I’ve ever done I made salmon with asparagus and hollandaise (I’m going to wait until dad’s not sick and has more of an appetite again before making lemon caper sauce salmon) and it’s really good :) (even though I left the salmon in the oven for longer bc I was still needing to whisk the hollandaise)
I got the brown free range eggs (still on sale thankfully) specifically to make hollandaise with 😌
Now to. Devour the flesh that remains on the bones (mum will Eviscerate the poor fish to make sure there are no bones so this part’s for me!) (the plate shown is mum’s bc she’s still on the phone and I’m nearly finished my plate portion)
Ah yes and now that I have a bunch of egg whites (and some uh. Mixed egg oops. I’ll probably try to make meringues or marshmallows or something?)
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thefanciestborrower · 2 years
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To James: Do you ever offer water and baked goods to your team? Hydration is important!
I don’t make things for them very often because, well, you’d be shocked at how much just one of us can eat. But I do make baked goods to share for special occasions sometimes! Like for someone’s birthday or if we win a game. Really though I’m much better at cooking than baking, cause soup is much harder to burn than brownies...
As for water and hydration we’ve got a water boy who helps us out with that! He’s quiet, but from the few times I’ve talked to him he seems real nice and always makes sure we’ve got enough to drink
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staff · 2 years
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tumblr tuesday: mermay the revenge way
It's that time again, and you've half a month to get on board if that's something you'd like to do. What's that? Too much Our Flag Means Death? Look, ok. We'll stop shouting about your fanart on Tuesdays when you all stop making it (or, alternatively, when this freakish deluge of good representation inevitably dries out, and we're all back to shipping non-canonical gays). For now, here are everyone’s favorite seafarers as mermaids (yes, even Jim). 
@melspontaneus:
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@fridgrrave:
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@multi-eyed-moth​:
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@thatcakelovingwitch​:
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@nadsdraws​:
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@nxart​:
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@jeusus​:
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@burnt-scone​:
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@auxiliarywardrobe​:
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@professorflowers​:
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@volkradugiart​:
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@gummmy​:
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@pandorkful-dolls​:
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...and some nice inspo to finish up: @acepalindrome’s OFMD mermaid varieties.
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avatar-of-the-blank · 5 months
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What do you think each entity tastes like?
OOOH, LIST TIME! I LOVE LISTS
ITS LONG SO I PUT A CUT HERE TO NOT CLOG DASHBOARDS
THE BURIED
WELL. LIKE DIRT. NATURAL BUT OPPRESSIVE OF ANY OTHER TASTE EXCEPT FOR DIRT.
THE CORRUPTION
LIKE YOU TOOK A LEMON WARHEAD CANDY AND CRANKED IT UP TO 11. OVERPOWERINGLY SWEET AND SOUR AT THE SAME TIME, MAKING YOUR TEETH ACHE AND ROT AND YOUR FEATURES SCRUNCH UP.
THE DARK
LIKE AN OLD DINERS' HOT COCOA. NOT A POWDERED MIX, NO. DELIBERATELY MELTED CHOCOLATE, OVERTAKING THE WHITE CREAME IN IT WITH ITS THICKNESS. THE WHIPPED CREAM ON TOP MELTED IN IT, NOW JUST BUBBLES AT THE TOP OF THE SMOOTH WARM ABYSS IN A MUG.
THE END
IM FEELING BLACK LICORICE? I ALWAYS FIND THE END TO BE SUCH A GENTLE ENTITY, LIKE A HAND YOURE SCARED TO HAVE TOUCH YOU, BUT WHEN IT DOES.. I FIND THERES THAT APPREHENSION AROUND BALCK LICORICE, A STIGMA OF IT THAT ITS THE MOST REPULSIVE TASTE. I PERSONALLY FIND IT LOVELY.
THE FLESH
IF IM SPEAKING FROM EXPERIENCE? EUGH. SOUR, WARM, AND WET. CONCEPTUALIZE BITING INTO A PAPER TOWEL JUST USED TO CLEAN RAW CHICKEN JUICE FROM A GRILL'S LID.
AS A HYPOTHETICAL? LIKE A BLUE RARE STEAK, WELL SEASONED. UGH, EVEN THINKING OF THAT DOESNT GET THE MEMORY OF THAT SHOULDER OUT OF MY HEAD.
THE EYE
ALMOND SCONES DUNKED IN COFFEE WITH JUST A LITTLE MILK. A SMART FEELING FLAVOR, MILD AND EARTHY, NOT OVERWHELMING THE SENSES LESS IMPORTANT THAN SIGHT.
THE LONELY
RAINWATER, COLLECTED ON A COLD AUTUMN EVE IN A CLEAR MASON JAR, FILTERED OF COURSE. THERES NO FLAVOR, ITS WATER, BUT IT FEELS NATURAL TO DRINK, ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU DONT HAVE TO BOTHER THE TAP TO COLLECT THE DRINK.
THE STRANGER
COTTON CANDY GRAPES! HAVE YOU EVER HAD THEM? IF YOU WERE TO SHUT YOUR EYES AND BITE THEM, ITD FEEL LIKE YOU WERE BITING INTO A COTTON CANDY EYE. BUT ITS NOT, AND THE EYES WOULD DECOEVE YOU. ITS NOT WHAT IT TASTES LIKE, BUT ITS THE EXACT SAME TASTE.
THE SLAUGHTER
JUST A FEAST. IMAGINE VEGGIES AND STEWS AND MEAT AND BREAD IN ABUNDANCE, THE FLAVORS MIXING AND THE SCENT ATTACKING YOUR NOSE AS YOUR DIG IN, A FEEBLE ATTEMPT TO MAKE A DENT IN THE MEAL
THE HUNT
SUMMER WIND. LIKE YOURE A DOG HANGING YOUR SNOUT FROM A CAR WINDOW, MOUTH OPEN AND TONGUE FLAILING AROUND WILDLY AS YOUR OWNER PRESSES PAST 70 KPH.
THE VAST
THIS ONE IS HARD. HOW CAN YOU TASTE THE INFINITE? HOW COULD YOU FEEL THE EXPANSE OF EVERYTHING IN YOUR MOUTH.
MM. MINTY GUM. LIKE REALLY MINTY GUM RIGHT BEFORE YOURE ABOUT TO FALL ASLEEP, RIGHT AFTER YOU TOOK A SIP OF 3 AM WATER.
THE DESOLATION
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CAMPING WITH THOSE PEOPLE WHO STICK THEIR MARSHMALLOWS IN THE DEAD CENTER OF THE FIRE? AND THE POOR THINGS COME OUT GOOEY AND BURNT ON EVERY SIDE? THE METAL ROD THEYRE ON IS GLOWING AND THEYRE SLIDING OFF THEM. LIKE THAT, BUT DIP IT IN MILK CHOCOLATE.
AND THEN BURN THE CHOCOLATE TOO.
THE WEB
HOME BAKED COOKIES. FROM YOUR HOME. I DONT HAVE AN EXPLANATION HERE, THIS JUST FEELS LIKE THE RIGHT ANSWER.
THE EXTINCTION
SO IVE HAD A CONTAINER OF A CANDY CALLED TOXIC WASTE IN ONE OF MY ROOMS WHICH IVE BEEN DREADING TO TRY. I DONT KNOW WHAT IT TASTES LIKE, BUT I KNOW THE EXTINCTION TASTES JUST LIKE THAT.
THE SPIRAL
I ACTUALLY HAVE A DEFINITIVE ANSWER HERE, SINCE I KNOW! WOOD PAINT, WHIPPED CREAM, HEMP SEEDS, HAIRSPRAY, MOCHA COFFEE, YELLOW, TYPE A- BLOOD, THE AIR IN YOUR ATTIC, METAL STAIRWAY RAILINGS, IRON, OBTUSE RUBBER GOOSE GREEN SNAKE GUAVA JUICE
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look-i-love-u · 28 days
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Picrew
Thank you for the tag @transmurderbug @blue-disco-lights! Here's the link to the Picrew.
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Tagging: @energievie, @vintagelacerosette, @creepkinginc, @iansw0rld, @guinguin1984, @francesroserecs, @callivich, @gillyp, @dqbbiegallaqher, @nyhmeriah, @octarineblues, @my-secret-shame, @doshiart, @bet-on-the-birds, @jrooc, @meloftheweebs, @depizan, @scurvgirl, @burnt-scone
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finnofamerica · 11 months
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Insatiable - Dwalin X Reader X Thorin | Smut
Summary: In an effort to break up the monotony of your and Dwalin's sex life, the two of you agree to bring in a third for a night. Who is better than Dwalin's best friend?
Word Count: 1,976
Date Posted: 05.28.2023
TW: AFAB Language used, threesome, double penetration, mentions of somnophilia, anal, spitroast, oral, bondage (cuffs), Blindfolds.
Note: This is a D/s fic. Remember that kink is customizable, and there is no right way to do it as long as you’re keeping safe. We play here by Safe, Sane, and Consensual, but there is also Risk Aware Consensual Kink and Personal Responsibility, Informed Consensual Kink. Don’t yuck anyone’s yum; I am willing to answer any questions that I can.
🔞MINORS DO NOT INTERACT🔞
|| Masterlist || Request Here || Ask Me Stuff ||
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You were sure that everyone in Erebor knew of your husband’s appetite. His hunger was rivaled only by Bombur, though Dwalin worked it off in his battle training with the Kingsguard. When you were making the rounds with your deliveries, you loved to sit and watch all the handsome dwarves train. Your eyes always find their way back to your handsome husband. Though your absolute favorite days what Thorin and Dwalin’s “private” trainings, spectators including Thorin’s nephews and yourself. While you harbored no feelings for Thorin beyond the fondness of a good friend, you’d have to be blind not to be attracted to him. The two of them were often shirtless during their training sessions, and you had the opportunity to ogle the muscles on them both.  
You knew your husband bragged about you to his friends. You’d have to be deaf not to hear it because the man was neither subtle nor discreet. You knew he’d brag about having a woman who bakes because “The sweeter she eats, the sweeter she tastes.” You didn’t mind this, though it caused women to look at you with envy and most of the men to do the same with Dwalin. His bragging had turned your cunt into some mystical rumor that you were sure would be passed down through the ages until the rumor became legend. 
“Dwalin,” You rubbed the man’s shoulders after a long day of training. It was almost an act of worship the way that you knew he protected you. “I would like to try something different.” 
“Different, how?”
“Well, husband, it’s not that I’m disappointed with our lovemaking, it’s just that I’ve come to know what to expect, and we keep repeating the same patterns. I just think it would be nice to switch it up every now and again.” 
“Like adding another? I’ve seen the way that you eye Thorin during our training. I don’t think he’s enjoyed the love of a woman in many years, long before Smaug.” Dwalin suggested. 
“You know I don’t feel for Thorin.” 
“All the better. I won’t have to worry about his kingly ass stealing you from me. Would you like to invite Thorin in some time?”
From then on, Dwalin had his lips sealed. None of your efforts to coax the information out of him worked. He refused to tell you when Thorin would be joining your bedroom affairs. Nearly a full season had passed since the night you suggested bringing it up, and you worried that Dwalin had forgotten. 
The chill of winter soaked deep into the mountain that hardly even the forge furnaces could fight. The well-crafted living quarters were nice and toasty, and their fireplaces were well-stocked with wood from Tranduil’s domain. The fires burnt with the smell of nutmeg and allspice, hailing in the holidays when families gathered and feasted on slow-roasted boar. 
You dressed in one of your favorite outfits, heading down to the bakery where you worked alongside dwarven masters. They were initially unsure of a hobbit in their kitchens, but after a heaping batch of your lemon poppyseed scones, they changed their minds and welcomed you heartily. Given the holiday season, the kitchens were plenty busy preparing for the King’s Yuleblot ball. The bakers, the tailors, and all the chefs were quite busy preparing all the orders as Balin and Fili ran around making sure their shipments from across middle earth were in order. 
When Bunty, the head baker, came in with a cupcake just for you, you realized it was your birthday. You’d been so busy that you’d forgotten. Dwalin had forgotten. He’d never forgotten your birthday in all the years you’d been together. Normally he’d wake you up with his tongue; this morning, you’d woken up alone.
Dejected and beaten by a long day of baking, you’d managed to drag yourself back to your and Dwalin’s shared living space. You swung the heavy door open; Dwalin stood there naked as the day he was born. His impressive cock hung heavy between his thighs. 
“Dwalin!” You squealed, covering your eyes as your face heated. “Oh, stop this shying. It’s nothing you haven’t seen before.” Dwalin spun you around, landing a swift slap to your ass.  He leaned down, relaxing you with his lips against your neck, kissing and biting along the way. “Strip and lay on the bed.” 
You didn’t have to be told twice to obey your husband’s direction. It was your honor to serve him as long as he continued to spoil you with his loving caress. He treated you like you were his goddess, regularly bringing you gifts and telling anyone and every one of your beauty. Dwalin kissed every inch of your naked body as he locked you in cuffs expertly crafted just for you. A gift for your anniversary.
You’d always heard of dwarves’ insatiable appetite. You hadn’t expected their sexual appetite to be just as insatiable. You could almost swear that you’d been in this room for days, locked in these special dwarven cuffs lined with fur. Dwalin spent his sweet time driving your anticipation through the roof, teasing you relentlessly with all the tools in his arsenal.
You whined, arching your back as a warm tongue and cool breath licked along your pussy. The light grazes of his beard scratching delightfully against your thighs. One wide calloused palm pushed against your lower stomach, increasing the sensation of the fingers stroking inside of you. Your lover knew every inch of your body but still took his time exploring every nook and cranny. 
A hand gently caressed your cheek, turning your face to the edge of the bed. 
“Come on, Darling, open up,” Dwalin coaxed you, making it abundantly clear that it was not your husband eating you out. You let your mouth fall open with a light moan. The fact that Dawlin was sharing you was even hotter than when he’d mentioned wanting to try it one day.  
The tip of his thick cock touched your lips, glossing salty precum over them. Slowly he fucked your mouth, warming you up as he edged closer and closer to the back of your throat. 
“Fuck, you feel good,” Dwalin moaned, making whoever was between your legs chuckle. The vibration around your clit made you whine, arching further against his lips, hoping to increase your pleasure. 
“And tastes good, too,” The dwarf between your legs remarked, sounding pleased. His voice was so familiar, yet you couldn’t place it. You were too overcome with pleasure to care right now. You moaned around Dwalin’s cock; the overwhelming urge to please both men filled you. 
“Indeed,” Dwalin grunted, “Always happy to be used for her husband’s pleasure.” 
They were talking about you like you weren’t in the room, and you could practically feel yourself drip around the mystery dwarf’s fingers. 
“Such a greedy little cunt. May I fuck her, Dwalin?” 
“Aye, though you may never want any other pussy after.” 
The man between your legs slowly removed his fingers, noisily slurping up your juices. You heard the rustling of clothing being removed and thick, calloused hands adjusting your chained-up legs, so he could fit himself between them. His thick cock stretched you out as he slowly slid himself inside, making you gasp around the cock burying itself in your throat. 
Once the mystery man was fully seated inside you, he slowly pulled out until just his tip was still inside you, only to slam himself back into you. You squealed at the ferocity of it. He was fucking you like a man starved of this affection. Every stroke hits your G-spot, creating that familiar tightening sensation in your core. 
“That’s it, Amralimé,” Dwalin removed his saliva-coated cock from your mouth, allowing you to moan freely, volume increasing threefold. Lips attached themselves to your nipple, both the mystery man and Dwalin focusing their attention on your pleasure. “Are you gonna cum on his cock?” 
“Yes,” You whined, back arching, trying everything you could to increase your pleasure. “Please, may I?” 
“You may cum for your King.” 
Thorin?! It was clear to you now who the voice belonged to, and you wondered why you hadn’t placed it sooner. There was no one that Dwalin would trust with his wife other than his best friend. Your pussy quivered before releasing an explosion of pleasure through you. 
“That’s a good girl,” Thorin cooed in your ear as you clenched around him, hips twitching. You panted, collapsing back against the bed. 
“Oh, we’re not done with you yet,” Dwalin threatened you with a good time, the clinking of the cuffs being released from around your ankles. The two men gently flipped you over so you were on all fours. 
“You were right,” Thorin remarked, “I think this lady has ruined a world of pussy for me.” 
“Take her ass, Thorin. You’ll never know anything tighter.” 
Dwalin settled himself beneath you, easily supporting your weight as Thorin eased himself into your tight ass. It hurt, at first, a lot. Your tears were being absorbed by your silken blindfold. The whole time Dwalin comforted you through the pain, telling you what a good job you were doing and how good a girl you were being. 
After a beat, the pain eased as your tight ass got used to being stretched out around such a thick cock. Thorin slowly began to thrust his cock in and out of your ass as Dwalin lined himself up with the entrance of your pussy, using Thorin’s tempo to ease himself inside. The feeling of two cocks inside you was damn near overwhelming. It was otherwordly. It had you flying so high into blissful pleasure that you never wanted to come down. 
“Fuck, she’s tight,” Thorin groaned, thrusts growing uneven. Each of their mismatched thrusts made you moan and squeal. The wet slap of skin against skin filled the room, accompanied by whimpering moans and grunts. “And I might’ve thought you were wrong for marrying a hobbit.” 
“I told you she felt better than any dwarven lass you’d find.” Dwalin had been bragging about his wife from the moment he’d met you. He knew that you were the one for him, and your sweet pussy was just a bonus. 
The playful ribbing was lost on your ears. You could swear that you ascended to the next world. The two made fine use of your holes, surely reaching ascension themselves.
“Fuck, I’m gonna breed her sweet ass,” Thorin grunted, trying his best to maintain a steady pace. He didn’t want to blow his load too soon. Besides, he knew better than to breed another man’s woman without permission. 
“Aye, have her ass. She’ll not be pregnant by you either way.” 
Thorin’s hips stuttered as he gripped yours, burying himself deep within your ass. You could feel his cock twitch as he spilled his load. Dwalin followed suit, moaning your name as he filled you with his seed. It was any wonder how he’d not gotten you pregnant by now. 
They both slowly eased themselves out of you, and unable to support yourself any longer, you collapsed on your husband’s chest. He pulled down your blindfold, allowing you to gaze upon his gruff, handsome face. Dwalin unlocked your cuffs, kissing both of your wrists and holding you tightly, while Thorin when to warm a wet rag and clean up the semen that was dripping out of you. 
“I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that you chose Thorin.” You remarked sleepily, exhaustion now seeping through your over-expended body. Thorin gently pressed the rag to your pussy, then your anus, the heat easing the dull ache the men had left behind. 
“Well, someone needed to get him laid,” Dwalin chuckled heartily. 
“Happy birthday, Miss Y/n.” Thorin finished dressing, leaving Dwalin to tend to you for the rest of the night. 
“Happy Birthday, Amralimé”
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Tags: OPEN
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novinare · 11 months
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@mymanymerrymuses // kili & hazel
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By the time Bilbo Baggins had reached his front door, still marked with the rune Gandalf had banged into it such a long time before, word had already spread over hill and down towards the river.
Not only had he returned to the Shire, but he'd brought someone back with him.
Honestly, Hazel thought as she carefully wrapped a generous parcel of scones and added them to her basket, you'd think he'd brought back a very small dragon, or some kind of goblin, the way people carried on!
A small sachet of tea, some meat pies, a wedge of cheese, a loaf of bread, some clotted cream and a bit of jam for the scones, some generous slices of honey cake... Hazel paused and eyed the basket, it hardly seemed enough for a hobbit that had been away from home for such a long time.
Adding some eggs, cold chicken, a pat of butter, and a jar of her mother's pickles, Hazel lifted the basket and started out towards the Baggins' burrow.
"Don't forget this!" He father called after her, handing her a bottle of cider, "And be careful, who knows what sort of folk has followed Bilbo back from his... adventure." Like any good Hobbit, her father said the word like it had personally offended him (Hazel thought an adventure sounded fascinating, but then, she'd always taken after the Took side of the family!)
Gathering up her things, Hazel started up the hill once again, the late afternoon sun sinking towards the horizon and painting the Shire in gold and warm, burnt orange. Even laden with the heavy basket there was a skip in her step, an excitement to see her cousin, and hear all about his travels.
"Hello! Welcome home!" She called as she made her way to the gate, smiling over to her cousin and his guest, who had his back to her, "I've come with a few little things to tide you over for the evening-- oh--" Hazel reached for the gate, and realized her hands were too full, "Would you mind? I'm a little short of hands!"
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burnt-scone · 17 days
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sentientsky · 7 months
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“Do you really think this is a good idea?” Nina asked. “The poor guy probably just wants his space.” 
The other woman turned to look at her from up on the staircase. Maggie pushed a lock of blonde hair back behind her ear. “I mean,” she began, one foot positioned on the next step up. “We already have this.” She raised a travel cup of espresso in the air. “And after all, I think he could use some cheering up. It’s been like two months, right?” 
Maggie sighed resignedly and followed her up the stairs. “Okay, if you say so…”
They walked for a couple moments before coming to a stop in front of an apartment. All the other doors on the floor were painted a pleasant blue, she noted. This one, however, was a deep, rich black. Of course. 
From underneath the door, the women could hear music, something familiar and with a steady beat. Maggie raised her hand and knocked. 
Still, the music played on. And still no one answered the door. 
“He’s obviously busy, Mags,” Nina muttered. It didn’t escape her notice that the other woman flushed pale pink at the sound of the nickname. Nina’s heart spasmed a bit in response, and she had to force herself to focus. 
“I just—let me try once more, and then—” Maggie knocked again. 
A beat. 
Nina was ready to ask if they could leave when the lock on the door clicked open of its own accord. Well, alrighty then. They exchanged a look, and then Nina pushed open the door. 
Immediately, the onslaught of angsty pop music poured through the threshold. Kelly Clarkson’s “Since U Been Gone,” Nina noted. She herself had played the same song more than once as a young adult, often in the throes of a breakup. 
The apartment itself was in complete disarray; papers and knickknacks strewn everywhere. Plants drooped sadly on the edges of the room. In the corner, a pile of CDs had been toppled over. Eccles cakes and half-chewed scones littered the floor. 
There, in the middle of the living room (which certainly looked lived in, Nina noted), Crowley was sat on the floor, legs all akimbo and arms thrown across the seat of a rather uncomfortable looking sofa. 
Maggie stiffened at the sight of him, holding the coffee cup between both hands now. The poor demon was dressed in boxer shorts and an ancient Queen t-shirt. His hair was bedraggled, brushing against his shoulders in loose scarlet waves. Juxtaposed to the devilishly cool “burnt out middle-aged rockstar” persona he embodied most  of the time, this new appearance came across as particularly disheveled. 
Nina hesitated, then took a step forward. The music still thrummed in her ears. “Crowley?” she asked, injecting as much kindness as she could into one little word. 
Head lolling, the demon looked up at the two women before him. For once, he wasn’t wearing his characteristic glasses. Maggie made a little sound of surprise at the sight of the demon’s golden snake eyes. They were a rich yellow—the same colour as Mr. Fell’s walls, Nina silently noted. It seemed Crowley hadn’t slept in a century, (did demons even need to sleep?) his undereyes tinged a pale purple. 
“Crowley?” Nina called out again. Maggie moved to stand beside her, leaning down closer to the demon’s level. 
Without warning, Crowley’s eyes began to flood with tears and he crumpled into himself. Oh. Oh no. They’d made it worse, they’d certainly made it worse. Nina had said that coming here was a bad idea. 
“That’s what Aziraphale used to call me!” he keened. His boxer shorts had ‘XO Gossip Girl’ emblazoned down the side. 
“I mean, that’s your na—” Nina began, but then reconsidered and dropped into a crouch to pat the demon’s shoulder, voice hushed and soothing. “There, there. I know. It’s going to be alright.” 
Maggie crouched beside her, and tried to offer Crowley the drink in her hand. He looked up for a moment, and there was a moment of recognition, his eyes scanning the takeaway cup. And then he burst into fresh tears once again. 
“That’s what I ordered the last—” he made a little hiccuping sound. “Ordered the last time he and I went to your café,” he wailed. The poor thing was inconsolable; Nina’s heart ached for him. In between ragged sobs, Crowley  extended his arm under the couch. There, it seemed, he had found a slightly droopy crepe that was…just shoved under the sofa. No plate, no nothing. Just crepe to floor. What the fuck. Don’t eat it, please don’t eat it, Nina chanted in her head. 
He ate it, of course, still crying. 
Kelly Clarkson finished singing, and the track switched. Now, a more upbeat tune rose through the apartment. 
It’s Britney, bitch. 
“I don’t think I’ve ever actually seen you eat anything—” Maggie began, reaching down to pick up a crumpled twinkie wrapper from the floor. And then, without warning, Crowley brought a napkin to his mouth and spat out a congealed mass of saliva and half-chewed dough. He sniffed pathetically and bundled it into a tight ball in his hand before tossing it somewhere across the room.
“Oh…” Maggie murmured, placing the wrapper back where she had found it. “Oh no.” 
Crowley looked up at the two of them with ragged eyes, glinting pale gold in the dim light of his flat. “Don’t even like the taste. But he likes ‘em, so…Who else is gonna eat’em, anyway? While he’s gone, you know? ‘S up to me” He sniffed again, wiping his nose with his sleeve. 
“Are you—” Maggie began, and her worried eyes flickered to Nina. “Are you drunk, Crow—Anthony? Have you been drinking?”
“And wha makes you think that?” he muttered. Nina cast her eyes around the room. Wine bottles littered the floor. The counters. One sat on the pedestal of a statue of an angel and a demon…were they supposed to be fighting, or…?? 
When she turned back to face him, he was drinking out of a curly straw. His cup read ‘MAMA NEEDS SOME WINE’. She sighed, and reached to ease it out of his hand. He pulled it out of her reach immediately, a disgruntled look clear across his face.
“Nooo, Az—Azira—a stupid angel gave this to me,” he all but hissed. “‘S vintage. 2004.”
The track changed again. Something slower, with a steady piano backing. 
My lover’s got humour.
She’s the giggle at a funeral…
At this, tears began to form afresh in the corners of the demon’s eyes. Nina stood up, looking for the source of the music. She’d had her fair share of sad music wallowing, but this was becoming unhealthy, surely. Over in the corner, a fairly recent sound system stood sentinel. She pressed ‘pause’ and ejected the disk. “What’s with this music?” she called across the room. 
In sloping handwriting, the CD read ‘bad bitches cry perpendicular to the floor’. Oookay then. 
“‘S a playlist I made. But everything I play in that godforsaken thing,” he motioned to the stereo system, “eventually turns into music by this one Irish fellow.” 
Nina wrinkled her brow in confusion. 
“Jus’ like the Bentley. But more straightforward, I suppose.” He took another sip from his drink, and the two women watched on as dark red liquid carried up through the loops of the straw.
“This isn’t healthy,” Maggie began. “I know it’s hard, and it’s okay to be sad. But we can try baby steps, right? D’you fancy coming down to the café with us? Maybe sit and talk for a bit? Get some natural light?” 
Crowley scrunched his nose and spat a piece of red hair out of his mouth. “M’ fine, really. Never been better. More independent, less—” he waved his free hand around vaguely, “mmgh…yeah, I got nothin’” He toasted them with his ridiculous white suburban mom cup. 
“You’re crying right now. And how long have you been wearing that shirt?” Nina asked. The thing looked lived in. By a family of possums. 
He looked down, squinting at wine stains that speckled the collar. “This is my best shirt.” He looked back up at them. “And ‘m fiiiine.” He reached one gangly arm across the length of the sofa and pulled out a pair of circular sunglasses. Putting them on, he peered up at Nina and Maggie. “See? Can’t even see the tears.” He smiled, but it looked more like a grimace. 
“Oh, hon. That’s not…” Maggie began.
“I don’t think that’s how that works,” Nina murmured. “Do you…” she looked around the room. Was that one of Mr. Fell’s sweaters hung over a chair? What had happened in that fucking bookshop? “Do you want to talk about it?” she finished. 
Three hours later, Nina realized her assistant’s shift was nearly finished. From what she understood, Mr. Fell had left (his husband? Boyfriend? Wife? Immortal life partner?) Crowley for a business promotion somewhere far away. Crowley, for his part, was perched on the edge of the couch, wrapped up in the angel’s sweater. He sniffled, and pressed on: 
“...And then it was 1967 and I was in my Beatles phase of course, because who wasn’t, honestly. And the bastard shows up in my car out of nowhere with a thermos. So I’m freaking out a little bit—in a very cool, suave kind of way, of course—cause this is one of the first times we’ve seen each other since the magic show,” he turned, looking between Maggie and Nina. “I told you about the magic show, yes?”
“Yes, you did,” Maggie muttered. 
“Several times. The one where he told you to shoot him in the face,” Nina interjected.
“Well,” he waved his hand around. “I didn’t actually shoot him. Scared the fuck outta me, but—oh, I still have the photograph, you wanna see?” He moved to stand up then. 
Maggie motioned for him to sit back down. “That’s alright. We’ll see it later—”
And he was off again, “So anyway it was 1967 and he’s in my car and he’s got a thermos and I’m all like ‘Are we gonna drink soup together? Is that tea? Cocoa?’ but noooo, he gives it to me and it’s fucking holy water. And he tells me he doesn’t want me risking myself. And—” his voice grew louder, more emphatic, “And he says ‘don’t go unscrewing the cap’. And by this point my stomach’s all in wobbly-wibbly fluttery knots and ‘m asking myself ‘what the bloody hell are we’ and I hate it ‘cause I’m a demon, right? And angels aren’t supposed to make you feel all—” he made a ‘pbttt’ sound and mimed a butterfly with his hands. Nina and Maggie exchanged a look. “Yeah. And then he says we should go on a picnic someday. Or to the Ritz or something. I’m losing my mind at this point, because is he asking me on a date? ‘M I out of my gourd? So, like any normal, reasonable person, I say I’ll drive him wherever he wants because then that means more time together which means more time to figure out this fluttery feeling or whatever. And guess what he says.” He looked at the two women seated on chairs in front of him.  “Go on, guess.” 
Maggie shrugged. “Sorry, no idea.” Nina shook her head.
“He says,” he leant forward on the couch. “He says ‘You go too fast for me, Crowley.” The poor demon let out an anguished groan and his head fell into his hands. Maggie reached forward to pat him on the shoulder. 
[It went on like this for some time. They eventually got him to go to the park where he inadvertently began a duck cult; that is, a cult whose members consisted solely of ducks. Not a cult of humans dedicated to worshipping ducks. That would be stupid.]
this silly little crack fic is brought to you by me and my good omens brainrot (neil im in your walls). if u want to read my more serious stuff, you can find me furiously scribbling away in this corner of the internet: x
(side note: this particular story was inspired by a hilarious post from @miss-americanbi)
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bellhopmomo · 7 days
Text
"Maybe England's new year resolution should be taking baking classes? Or is he too afraid of being accused of arson once the building is burnt like his scones?"
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alright i threw my hat in the ring of copying Hima's art style what do yall think
i was inspired by @iloveprussia's post, they did really well i can't wait to see them do it more
its my first try so it's not perfect but i think i did pretty well also
i even added effects and a bubble and stuff to make it look like a screenshot from the comic lol
References used:
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ofpineapplesanddawns · 6 months
Note
Non-angsty prompt coming up!!
Ineffable Husbands reacting to Trick or Treaters in honor of Halloween! (I feel like maybe trick or treating is bigger in America than England, but just pretend that they get trick or treaters!)
🎃
(I hope you feel better and things get easier! 💙)
That sounds cute!
This is Halloween in the South Downs.
On with the fic!
--
Crowley looked away from the television, where a cheesy vampire movie was playing, when they heard the sound of knocking at the front door. A grin came to them and they extended their fangs in excitement.
Halloween was one of Crowley's favorite times of the year, a night of tricks and pranks, of treats and frights, and a night where a demon could let their hair down in public without judgement! Also, Aziraphale made these really tasty pumpkin scones since the mid-2000s every year and Crowley really liked those.
As they jumped off the couch and made their way to the door, more of their appearance changed. Shoulder-length hair became longer, darker, thicker, almost snake-like in a sense, while scales of black and red peppered their skin like freckles.
Their eyes became fully yellow, the pupils long, thin slits, and their nails became long, sharp claws as they grabbed for something sitting on the side table at the door.
Crowley threw open the door and looked at the children standing there, all dressed up as things Crowley either knew or had no clue because it was something kids liked looking at online. Either way, there was a group, and they were all wanting something.
"Trick or treat!" They shouted, holding out their bags and pails for candies.
"Trick or treat, eh?" Crowley smirked, claws drumming on the large, plastic dish that was black and covered in little images of spiders in oranges and purples. "Which will it be?"
The kids looked a bit confused, before a little girl in a blue dog costume spoke up with glee. "A trick! A trick!"
"Oh? A trick? Are you sure?"
"Yes!" Cried a chorus of excited children.
"Weellll... I suppose one little trick..." They chuckled before opening their mouth wide, fire shooting out from it over their heads for just a moment. Crowley let out a soft cough, then licked their lips.
The kids looked at him in awe, then cheered, though Crowley swore he heard a snap among the shouts of 'do it again'.
"Ah, I said one little trick. That's all you get. Now, do you want some candy or not? Cause we've got full bars!" Crowley said holding out the bowl to the group, who happily snatched up a few bars, then scurried off, thanking 'Ms or Mr Fell-Crowley' as they ran down the dirt path, happily talking about how cool that was and how the Fell-Crowley's always have the best treats.
"Really dear, I know you love entertaining the children, but fire? Nearly burnt my wind chimes!"
Crowley snickered and turned to see Aziraphale, standing at the entrance to the kitchen, his face having a few smears of flour on it.
"The kids love when I do that kinda stuff!" Crowley said as they sat down the bowl, shutting the door with a flick of their wrist. They licked their thumb and used it to quickly wipe off Aziraphale's face when they approached. "How are the baked treats coming along?"
"Almost done, the retirement home is going to love them!" Aziraphale did a wiggle.
"Did you make those one things that Mavis was goin' on about? You did them for a book club a few months ago, right? She was ravin' about them at the knittin' club this week, said you promised."
"I made them, don't worry." There was a knock at the door. Aziraphale chuckled and gently gave Crowley a push towards it. "Go on, I'll finish up here."
"Alright, but when we head out, you need to look a bit more... spooky." Crowley said, heading for the door.
Aziraphale's exposed skin split in places, revealing dozens of eyes, that all rolled at once. "Does this work?"
"Perfect! Should make you hand out the candy if you're gonna do that!" Crowley cackled as they picked up the bowl once more, ready for the next batch of trick or treaters.
--
I'd like to think that Crowley and Aziraphale made friends with a bunch of the old people in the South Down area, just as Crowley would be friends with the kids.
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sofasoap · 11 months
Text
Lastochka - Espionage
Pairing : Nikolai x F!Reader ( OC/Mini MacTavish)
Summary: Your first covert assignment after you return to duty. Prequel to A quiet moment - Lastochka
Part I , Part II, Interlude,Part III,Part IV,Part V,Epilogue, Night,
TRIGGER WARNING: explicit scene. talk of PTSD, non-consensual touching. Smut. Slight Jealous! possessive and Dom! Nikolai.
Thanks to @homicidal-slvt for planting ideas into my brain. this whole series is all for you :)
My usual thanking @saltofmercury, mother of Mini, for lending me the character :) Please go and check out her fics!
“masterlist” for Mini MacTavish expanded verse
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“I said NO.” Nikolai threw the files back into Price and Laswell’s face, not even trying to contain his fury. “Nik….” Tugging on your husband’s arm, trying to placid him to sit. 
Shrugging off your hand and ignoring your plea he stepped closer to the desk, snarking at the two commanders. “Have you two forgotten what happened last time when she went into the mission ALL BY HERSELF???”  he roared. There is no way Nikolai is going to see you, his precious wife going through hell again.
You wrap your arm around yourself, biting your lip. Not a memory you want to revisit . Slashed. Kept up for days straight, exhaustion. Only a piece of bread and sip of water for you to sustain on for weeks. Darkness of the chamber, contrasting with the bright light shining right into your face, demanding information. The animalistic look when the soldiers try to tie you up and……
Soap was the first one noticing you stumbling back into the chair, hyperventilating. He dashed forward, steadying you. The unfocused eyes and lack of response when he calls out to you, head rolling back and mumbles incoherent words, he knows you are suffering from another episode. Putting his arm around your shoulder, he whispered words in Scottish, calling out your full name, trying to guide you back into the present. While Gaz and Ghost standing on each side, ready to assist.
Argument stopped as Laswell held her hand up, stopping him from talking, he was about to protest, when she went around the desk with a motherly concern on her face.  Nikolai turned around and realised what had happened to you. “... Remember when Da and Ma were angry with both of us when I let you roll in the peat? Da had to hose both of us down… and your first time making scones but nearly burnt down the kitchen…..” Soap’s gentle and soft tones as he tries to recall childhood stories of both of your mischiefs, luring you out from the unwanted traumatic memory of time in captivity. Slowly blinking, you slowly came to.The warmth of your brother’s arm around your shoulder, as your eyes came back into focus. Nikolai was kneeling in front of you, his big hand enveloped yours, thumb slowly caressing your hand, grounding you back into reality. Eyes full of worry and guilt. One by one, the muscles of your body relax again as you realise you are not back in that horrible prison. You are safe, and sound. With your team family around you. The room was quiet, apart from the sound of your brother guiding you to slow down your breathing as he sees you coming out from the flash back, and your still uneven breathing. “I am sorry.” You choked out after a long while. You feel guilty as the centre of attention, having the team worry about you. The feeling of incompetence, that fear again of getting kicked out of the team again comes careen down the hill. 
Tightening the grip of Nikolai’s hand, he notices your distress coming back again. He stood up, guiding you to stand up and pull you into embrace. “Meeting over.” Nikolai’s curt tone leaves no room for argument. “Nik.” Price growled. “We need an answer soon as possible.”
“Give us a few minutes.” You interjected with a whisper.. Price’s softened gaze lands on you. Running a hand down his face, he nodded. He cares about you like his own daughter, but he knows the urgency of this mission will require him to get all the final details sorted as soon as possible. 
Closing the door as you tow your husband out of the office before he can say anything , two of you walk down the corridor a few metres away from Price’s office, it’s late at night, no one else is around apart from people on night shift and patrol duty. Stopping around the corner of the corridor and out of everyone’s earshot, Nikolai turned around, voicing his opinion on the matter again.
“I am sorry I shouldn’t have mentioned .. The Incident. “ He apologised, choosing his last few words carefully.  “But I am not letting you into danger again. You are NOT going.”
“Nik.” Closing your eyes, trying not to let your mind astray again, “Love. At least let see what they have to say about this mission. And we can decide how we can help out?” You suggested meekly. 
A scowling expression appeared on his face. You wonder between Price and Nikolai, these two can have competition to see who has the most variations of unimpressed or displeased expression on their face. You snorted at the thought. “You are a stubborn one aren’t you. .. Why are you laughing?” “And you love me for it.” dismissing him lightly, tip toeing up to give him a kiss on the cheek, “Come on. Let’s get back to the office.” Walking back to the office after the reluctant discussion with Nikolai, everyone was relieved  you have decided to rejoin the briefing. “Shall we?” Laswell gave you and Nikolai a look, asking permission to proceed with the details of the mission. You gave her a nod, allowing her to continue. 
Flipping open the folder, Laswell and Price started the briefing.  Typical international criminal rings trying to stir up war and have a dab in money laundering and  illegal weapon sales. Nothing new, you thought to yourself. Their latest stint was trying to dab into investment into businesses. Whisky business. To be precise. 
That had you and Soap’s full attention. 
The MacTavish family had been around the highland area for generations. Started off as humble crofters all the years ago, and by luck, manage to own the piece of land they have farmers on for centuries, trying their luck in the whisky operation ( illegally, you remember your grandpa’s words as he winked at you.). They built their empire from the ground, bit by bit, and now the reputation of the MacTavish whisky is well known in the business circle and around the world for top quality but wide varieties and ranges of drink. Gaz joked once when you mentioned the family business. He whistled, even though someone like him isn’t totally into whisky, he knew about the reputation of quality of MacTavish whisky. “So you two are posh rich kids? I always thought it was just coincidental that you two share the same surname with the famous whisky company.”  You laughed. Even though two of you were sent to the best private school and had anything you could have wanted when young, your Ma and Da made sure you and Johnny knew money is not grown from trees and two of you always had to prove your weights around the farm to earn pocket money.
“We were used as free labourers during school breaks.” you rolled your eyes. “Johnny had to help the crofters cut up the peats and put them out to dry. While I get the other dirty job, look after the farm animals and clean their poops.” 
(You did see Price’s eyes glint when you mentioned the cellars you and Johnny used to explore as children. Even Ghost, who is partial towards bourbon, his eyes drifted towards you, as he pretends not to be interested at all in the topic of conversation. You made sure every Christmas you asked your parents to send some vintages for the team as presents). 
“I have a feeling this will be about Johnny and me. So what is the catch?’ You sighed as you lean back in the chair, crossing your arms. "We need someone who is Scottish, obviously,” everyone’s eyes zoomed in on both of you and Soap,  “In the Whisky business….”
“Send Soap.” Nikolai frowned and cut in. Price eyed his friend, shaking his head. “ I will send him if our target is interested in male.” That leaves you. 
Pressing your lip together, tapping your foot. Do you really want to do this? Grabbing your dog tag, you pull on the chain. Agitation setting in. There is really no point of sending Johnny in anyway, you thought. He hardly dabbed in your parent’s business, as he joined the military straight out of school, while you hanged around home more than him, during semester breaks, even attended a few business events and meetings here and there when your parents decided there are more hope for you to take over the family business than Johnny. You knew how the distillery runs, how the farm functions. It makes more sense for you to attend the mission. 
“Let me see the file.” You extended your hand, as you sigh in resignation. Your eyes open wide with slight shock as you flip through the target info. Leaning back to show the photo of the target to Soap, 
“Didn’t you go to school with him? Or was he a few years above you…” The name and the face were vaguely familiar. You search through your brain where exactly you have met him. But you were pretty sure he was at the same boarding school as Johnny. Soap let out an amused hum, “Oh the Witherington boy? Spoilt brat he was. Always try to boast about his achievement. So now he is in the illegal business aye?” Tapping the photo, “He tried to flirt with you once, at the family day. Da wasn’t impressed.” Ah. Now you remembered, it still sends chills down your back at the disgust. That boy wasn’t subtle with his advancement, and you nearly punched him if it wasn’t for Da and Johnny trying to pull you back. “You are still not going.” Nikolai said in a clipped tone. “And this is why You are going with her.” Laswell replied with a conspired tone. Both you and Nikolai stared at her, confused.
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Taking a deep breath, you look at yourself in the mirror. Hoping you have everything all done up right.
Thistle shaped floral hair accessories, secured and staying in. Make up, seductive but not over the top.Perfect for an evening function. Earrings, necklace, bracelets,all in place. Laswell’s wife helped you to choose the evening dresses and accessories. Armed with the card Laswell handed over to her,she dragged you out shopping. “No need to worry about the cost. Let’s go all out!! Leave it to me to turn you into a seductress, making sure that husband of yours will fall head over heels for you again.”  She smiled at you. 
Laswell gave her wife a concerned look, you laughed nervously, promising her you would try your best and make sure the two of you don’t overspend. She found a perfect dress for you at a high street shop, something elegant, suitable for a cocktail party, but still shows enough skin to seduce the target. A beautiful cabernet colour sweep train dress with a V-neck design at the front, showing a bit of cleavage but leaving enough just for imagination, and thin cross straps around the back holding up the top part of your dress. Split on one side of your dress, stop up to the top of the right thigh, well, that will make escape more easily, you thought, also means it is harder for you to hide anything underneath. Best of all, the dress hugs your figures perfectly. She certainly had good eyes for fashion.
Growing up with Johnny and no other female siblings, you two were labelled the wild children of highland by the neighbours for all the daredevil stuff he dragged you around to participate. You were never good at the so-called “girly stuff”.   Everytime there is a special outing it’s always your Ma or your other friends that help you to get dolled up. You haven’t done this for a while. There was no need for dressing up and playing the part of socialite since you have joined the military. The only piece of jewellery you own nowaday was the simple wedding band you and Nikolai gave to each other when you exchanged the vow in secrecy.  You reach automatically around your neck where you usually have the dog tag and the wedding band around, a habit you developed when you are deep in thought or in need of comfort when Nikolai isn’t around with you. 
You know you are not bad looking, but you didn’t think you are stunningly beautiful in comparison to your friends. “Plain looking???” Johnny Scoffed. “Do you know how many boys and girls I had to fend off for you?” You were oblivious to the fact how many people were trying to chase after you until your overprotective brother complained to you once over a glass of whisky. 
I CAN DO THIS. You assure yourself. Everyone is here to back you up. It won’t be like last time.
Opening the door of the rented hotel apartment, you stride towards the living area, where everyone was waiting. Your breath hitched when you saw Nikolai, dressed to the nine with a dark tailored suit, sitting on an armchair, with a glass of whisky in one hand, rolling an unlit cigar in another, deep in thought. Oh lord have mercy. You thought while feeling that familiar pool of heat in your core. You still don’t know how this charismatic and handsome man is your husband. You recite in your brain the whole Lord’s prayer in your mind three times, trying to dispel your unholy thought (Never expected your religious study at Catholic boarding school was useful until now), Concentrate on the mission Mini, don’t be such a horny teenager. You can have your husband anytime he wouldn’t run away. You chastised yourself. “And this is why You are going with her.” Laswell replied with a conspired tone. 
“ME?” Nikolai wasn’t sure if he heard her right. Pushing the details of the operation towards the front  of the desk, both you and Nikolai leaned forward to have a good look.
“Well, this role suits you well.” you smirked. “Russian businessman slash possible mafia boss. Looking for possible new investment to expand his territory.” 
Nikolai hummed. Not a bad idea. He has a valid excuse to be by your side. 
“And our little spoilt brat will be eager to try and impress you to try to beat whatever offer you,” pointing at Nikolai, “had on the table.”
“Wait, so this isn’t as straight ‘go-in-and-steal-whatever -I-have-to-grab-and-exfil ‘ kind of mission I used to do?” you pointed out.
“No.” Price tipped his chin down, “ It’s more of a lure and capture mission. We are going to try and see what our pretty rich boy knows about this illegal weapon ring.”
Now you feel like a bond lady. This will be an interesting challenge. You cleared your throat, getting everyone’s attention. Heads turned, and Gaz whistled. Nikolai lifted his head up, you saw a flash of surprise,clenching of his jaw, nearly dropping his cigar that he was twirling in his hand. Quickly regaining his composure, he set down his drink on the side table as you walked up to him, swaying your hip slightly. Extending out your hand, he grasps it lightly as he stands, keeping his eyes on you all the time as he brushes his lip against your knuckle. You can feel his hand warmer than usual, and he is already a furnace, and with his dark and lustful look,  you are certain you have successfully turned him on. Side mission completed. You smirked. Now just hoping the main mission will be just as successful. “You certainly polished up well Mini.” Soap chimed in. You rolled your eyes. Trust your brother to break the moment. “Well thank you for saying I am not ugly my dear sibling.” Turning to face him as making a face, you feel Nikolai’s hand snaking around your waist, pulling you closer to him. “Final check. We will be stationed just outside the venue until you two give us the go ahead when you lure the target into the designated area. You got the sedative?” holding up your wallet, waving it around a bit indicating to Gaz everything is in there. “Good. All the communication equipment is on Nikolai. Sorry Mini, there is just not enough coverage on you to fit you with an earpiece or microphone discreetly. “ He looks at you apologetically. You shrugged, “Well, Nik is going to be sticking by my side most of the time anyway. I am not too worried. At least there is a tracker in my wallet.” 
“Alright. Let’s roll.” 
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Nikolai couldn’t take his eyes off you. 
When you walked out of the room, he just barely held back a groan that was threatening to escape from his throat. 
You look absolutely stunning in your dress. His Goddess. His beautiful Lastochka. 
Half of his mind wants to abandon this mission straight away, kick everyone out of the room and devour you right on the spot.  
The knowing smirk on your face shows you knew exactly what he is desiring and the deliberate sway of your hip and the stride you made showing most of your skin off your right thigh and leg? Blood was rushing down towards where it shouldn’t be. For once he was glad for Soap’s distraction. While you and Soap had a little back and forth sibling banter, he pulls you in by the waist. Trying to get you close as possible, to touch you,to breathe in your scent. The beautiful bright citrus smell mixes with jasmine and orange blossom, yet there’s the mysterious calming sweet patchouli and amber scent. How can a perfume describe your personality so perfectly? Nikolai thought. Bright and passionate , and yet,you can also be so intense and fearless. 
He is falling in love with you all over again. 
He wasn’t even listening to the last check over Gaz was conducting, all his focus was on you. Until you gave him a little tug, he noticed the team was piling out of the room. “You alright Nik? Your mind seems to be somewhere else.” 
Shaking his head. Carefully not to ruin your make up,he pressed a light kiss on your temple. “Sorry, your beauty distracted me so much I was floating away.”
Ducking your head, face heating up, embarrassed by his compliment. You gave him a little poke for his flirtatious words, “ Well that makes two of us. You look very dapper tonight.” 
Pausing for a second, you lean into his chest, speaking in a soft and vulnerable voice, “Thank you for coming with me to the mission.” 
Running his hand down your bare shoulder, “I want to be there to protect you, my Ненаглядная ( precious ). I can’t let you plummeting into danger again. I nearly lost you once. Never again I am going to let that happen.” Tightening his grip on your shoulder as he tries not to think what will happen if the mission fails tonight. “Come on, let’s head out. We are going to be late.” 
Grabbing the long coat, he draped it over your shoulder, making sure you are all tucked in nicely before putting his own overcoat on. You murmured a word of thanks before looping your arm around his, searching for that bit of comfort to ease your nervousness. Time to get some work done. Quicker the better. To have you away from the danger, and he can have you all by himself. 
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Sipping on your champagne while scanning the room, trying to spot the target. So far, no sign of him…  yet. “Any luck?” Nik appeared behind you, enquired in a low voice. His hand slowly glides down the spine, coming to rest at the small of your back, drawing circles. You swear he is doing it deliberately, to see your reaction. This man was here to distract you more than keeping a close eye on you or potential enemy. You decided to pull a surprise on him. 
“Nikolai,if you don’t want me to jump on you right here and now, you better behave and concentrate on the task ahead.” you murmured as you pretend to take another sip of your drink. 
He was taken aback. Not by the context or the tone of your voice. 
You were talking to him in near-perfect Russian.
You felt his finger halt his movement, before dipping his head down, looking at you with raised brows. You tilt your head up meeting his eyes, grinning like a Cheshire cat. 
“Had too much time on my hands while recovering at my parent’s. So I thought I picked up a new skill.” 
“We need to talk about what else you've been hiding from me later on.” Oh, he is definitely getting turned on with the way he is eyeing you, his low voice thick with lust. “Oh my love, I have a lot of hidden talents waiting for you to explore at any time.” You purred.
Before he could reply, both of you heard a boisterous greeting with a heavy Scottish accent from a short distance away. 
“Well! Isn’t this Miss MacTavish?? Look at you all grown up!” You and Nikolai parted slightly and before turning around, put on a well schooled smile on your face and greeted the man with an overly cheerful voice. 
“Ah, Mr MaCleans, what a pleasant surprise!” you extended your hands and leaned forward to give the older man a light embrace. You half expected to run into some of your parent’s associates and connections, but you are genuinely surprised to see this person here. 
“I see you haven’t retired yet?” You asked half jokingly. This man was already quite old when you were growing up, and you remember him as a very energetic man, always travelling around, never seeming to stop for a second. 
Letting out a laugh, “I will only retire the day I die! Now, what are you doing here? Where are your Da and Ma? And that daredevil brother of yours?” You let out a real chuckle, “Ma and Da are on holiday overseas at the moment, that is why they send me in for the event instead. And my brother?” waving your hand around, “off on an adventure, somewhere. He’s always floating around. I am not sure.” Trying to make an excuse. No one really knows you and Soap both joined the military and in the special forces. Your parents always use the excuse of you being sent around studying and Johnny off somewhere travelling like a nomad. 
“Your parents did talk about making you take over the family business a long while ago.. Ah, where are my manners and ignoring your companion, so who is this fine young man here.”
You manage to hold back an unladylike snort as Mr Mcleans called your husband a young man. You suppose anyone else is relatively young in comparison to him. “This is Nikolai…..” “ Oh! Your husband?” Mr MaCleans interjected with a glimmer in his eyes.
Your smile falters slightly but you quickly cover up by a fake giggle.  “Oh, no, Mr Belinski is Ma and Da’s .. um, new friend and possible new investors. They ask me to show him around to get more connections.” it leaves a bitter taste in your mouth not being able to call him your husband openly. 
Nikolai introduces himself, as the two men engage in conversations about business and serves as a good distraction as you make an excuse to grab more drinks from the bar and to search for the target again.
Out of the corner of your eyes, you saw a younger man approaching. 
Bingo.  
As you considered your next move, you saw him walking up towards Mr Mcleans. Taking a quick glance at Nikolai, you notice the subtle change of his body language, aware that the target is approaching towards the group.
“There you are, young lad, where have you been? Let me introduce you to my old associate’s daughter and her companion.” Hearing Mr Mcleans' comment, you quickly thanked the bartender as you grabbed your drink, returning to the group.
You feign surprise as the target holds his hand out and introduces himself to you and Nikolai, grasping and feeling your hand a tad bit longer for your liking. You pull your hand back, trying not to show your disgust.
“Benjamin Witherington?”  
He raised an eyebrow, confused how you know him.
“You know him?” Mr Macleans asked, curious.
“He went to the same school as John. But I don’t believe they were in the same social circle.” You turned around to face Ben again, putting on your most flirtatious smile as you introduced yourself with your full name. 
You can see a sudden recognition in his eyes as he heard your surname.
“MacTavish? Ah, you are Johnny MacTavish’s sister? I remember we met once during the family opening day.” You are half impressed with his memory, since it has been some years ago when that happened. The day you wanted to punch the hell out of this man for being inappropriate to you. Biting the inside of your cheek, you try to suppress the anger from the memory.
“Look at you, all grown up and beautiful.” and you are still as slimy and frivolous as ever, you thought. 
Letting out a little giggle, pretending to be bashful with the comment, “Well thank you, my mother will be pleased someone finally has something nice to say about my appearances.”
“Well I mean look at you…” Eying you up and down before landing his eyes on your tits, you strategically turned slightly to pick up your drink from the side table, covering yourself and changing the subject. “So, what are you doing here? Seems like you and Mr Macleans came together.”
He puffed, “My father wanted me to attend the function with him and try to gain some business connections and learn some social manners,” he rolled his eyes and puffed, your lip twitched slightly at the new information. Hum, this could prove interesting, there might be bigger fish to catch than him here. The young naive Witherington boy might be a tool for his father, but you doubt he will be all innocent like he is trying to present himself.
You lean forward, fingers on your chin, pretend to be empathise with him,
“Well we are in a similar boat then. Ma and Da are overseas at the moment, so couldn't attend the event.. And Johnny being Johnny, we have no idea where that nomad is, floating around the world with no care so, here I am,” sighing dramatically as you point to Nikolai, who standing on the side, pretend to listen to conversation Mr Macleans and few other gentlemen he had introduced him to, “babysitting duty for one of their new friend.” 
Lowering your voice as if you were telling a great secret into his ears, “I heard through the grapevine he is very rich back in Russia though, and possible association to the Russian mob. But that is just rumours.” you lean back. “He did shower me with gifts when he first arrived. So who knows? I might keep him as a sugar daddy.” 
Out of the corner of your eyes, you saw Nikolai’s hand twitching as he heard the last bit of the comment. Have you gone a bit too far?
“Well, let’s forget about these old men, boy, is it a bit hot in here?” you pretend to fan yourself, trying to dissipate the heat. 
“Let’s go somewhere with less people“ Ben eagerly offer to escort you out of the main ballroom, “ I think there is rooms down the hallway with a balcony, Maybe we can talk more there.” he tries to loop his arm around your waist, you back away slightly, making excuse you have to let Nikolai know where you are heading to.
Shuffling yourself towards your husband, turning as he immediately notices you approach.
“Mr Belinski, Mr Macleans, sorry to interrupt your gentlemen’s conversation, but Ben and I are going to retreat somewhere with a balcony to get more fresh air.” You look at Nikolai right in the eyes.  Target moving, ready to extract
“Ah, balcony. That is a good idea.” he repeated your location, relying onto the team through the concealed microphone. You can see his jaws clenching. This is the part he is worried about. You will have to be out of his sight, alone again. 
“We will be back in five minutes!” send in the team through my tracker location in five minutes.
Out of the ballroom as you walk down the corridor, you grab tight onto your clutch wallet, hoping the tracker in there is working correctly. You try to calm yourself down, half listening to some outlandish stories Ben is currently rambling on about, trying to impress you. 
Stopping in front of a room, you pushed it open. The room was dark and musty, the only source of illumination was the balcony and street light from outside the window.
As soon as you walk in, you feel Ben grabbing you from behind, trying to force a kiss on you.
“What…?!! Get off me Ben!!!” You try to push him off you, elbowing him.
“You slut!!! I thought you wanted this!!!” 
“Oh don’t flatter yourself, you lavvy-heided wankstain.''You sneered. Pulling out your sedation needle from your wallet, you jabbed right into his neck,  “I would prefer Nikolai over you ANY DAY. Sweet dreams.” And with that insult thrown at him, he dropped to the ground in an instant, passed out as the drug took effect. You threw the needle onto the ground, as if it burnt you and stumbled back until your leg hit a couch.
A minute later, Nikolai and the team bursted in, ready for a confrontation. They immediately relaxed as they saw the target on the ground, snoring away and you safe and sound. Nikolai strided towards you, currently collapsed on the couch, looking dazed and out of breath, he immediately gathered up into his arm, murmuring words of assurances.
“I am fine Nik… I just need a minute to catch up on my breath.” you let out a big breath as you lean into his chest. Soap came up towards the two of you, with a small smile on his face. “Thanks Mini. Couldn’t do it without you.” Giving him a weak smile, you held out your hand to give him a hi-five. 
“Now you two love birds go back to the hotel, I’ll get Gaz to drive you two back. Rest of us will clean up the scene and cover the rest.” You peek over Nikolai’s shoulder, seeing Ghost hauling the unresponsive body of Ben over his shoulder without any care,  you begin to wonder how strong the drug is to knock him out instantly. It’s probably one of those answers you don’t want to know. Gaz gave you a wave, indicating he is ready to move. Nikolai helped you to stand, wrapping you up in the overcoat before leading you outside to the van waiting. Passing by Price, you gave him a salute, he returned with a warm smile, happy to know the mission has completed without much harm being done to you.
Now you just have to face your husband. You were certain he would be fussing over you once the two of you are alone. Or maybe he will treat you with something better… to reward you for the job well done. 
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Your hands were still shaking from adrenaline as you tried to open the door with your key card. You can feel Nikolai’s body heat radiating off him as he is practically sticking right against your back. 
You had told him what happened after you left the ballroom while in the car ride back to the hotel. His hand around your waist tightened, and the hardened look in his eyes says it all. He is angry. And pissed off. Not at you. But at the dirty, filthy, piece of lowlife target that has touched you without your permission. 
As soon as the door is closed, he pushes you flat against the wall, nibbling your earlobes as his hand drifts down towards the slit of your dress, sliding this callous hand between your inner thigh. “Do you know how hard it was for me to watch that Мудакl (asshole) touching you? Tainting my wife.. MY GODDESS with his dirty filthy hand…” he growled as he pushed himself closer to you, feeling his hard and thick arousal on your back. As you arch yourself back towards him, giving him more friction.He grabbed your throat lightly, and caressed the line of your jaw with his thumb. “I couldn’t do a thing. Watching him flirting away with you, ogling at your breasts like a hungry wolf…. “ Grabbing one of your butt cheeks, squeezing it lightly, “ No one, no one else should be touching you but ME. you belong to me.” he hissed. “I will not let any other despicable, wretched low life lay a hand on you ever again.”  
“Nik…” you whispered, aching for more. More of his touch. To erase the filth and dirty feeling Ben has left on you. “Please...” 
“Shh…” now he moved his hand towards the slit of your core, “I will give you what you want, soon. Be patient, my little bird. Oh?” Ah he noticed. You bite your lip, waiting for his reaction. 
“No underwear? How daring of you.” cupping his hand around your pussy, inserting his middle fingers in, prodding. “So you walked around all night like this, what were you thinking?”
“... I… I was thinking..” Whimpering, trying to get your words out. Gosh your mind is like a muddle right now,  all you can think of is how much you want him to move his finger, make you feel good. Your pussy clenches around his finger, wanting to get a bit of relief. 
“Louder. I can’t hear you” He commanded as he licked the back of your neck, from the nape of your neck right up to the base of your ear. 
“I was thinking how pleased my husband will be when he finds out.” you blurted out, whole body trembling with anticipation. 
You can feel his amusing smirk as he planted a kiss on the back of your head. 
“Well, he is indeed pleased by it. But what he wasn't pleased about was how a scum had been touching you..ah. It’s not your fault.” his tone changed from slightly harsh to a softer genuine loving tone as he senses you shrinking away slightly. “You did well on the mission. And now,  the good girl gets the reward.” he started moving his fingers languidly, his thumb rubbing ever so often circling around the sensitive nub of yours.  Rolling your head back onto his shoulder, moving your hip in sync of his movement, silently begging for more. 
“Already dripping wet thinking of me, hmmm?” 
“Only you. It’s only you..” you moaned. 
“MMM… and you are the only one,” As if to emphasise the point, he started grinding his hip into your back as he sped up his ministration, “That can get me this hard. Can you feel that?”
You nodded your head eagerly, 
“Good. keep that thought. Because…” moving his hand from your throat, moving down towards your breast, kneading it through the thin fabric of your dress and pitching the nipple. “This is the cock that is going to fuck you until you scream out in pleasure for me, fill you up again and again.” 
With that thought, it topped you over the edge. You didn’t even bother  suppressing your loud moan as you felt the intensity of the orgasm hit you. Feeling the hot liquid gushing on from your fold and onto his finger. He murmurs words of praise into your ear as he slows down his pumping and lets you ride out the rest of the high. 
You feel you are about to collapse after he just drew such an intense orgasm out of you. You tried to grab onto the wall, searching for some friction to hold yourself up right. He pulls away from you slightly, one arm supporting you around your waist, as he undresses with a quick tuck of the strap and unzipping the fastener on the back of the dress, letting it drop on to the floor. 
Now you are standing there in front of him,with nothing but all your jewellery and heels still on. facing the wall in such a vulnerable position. 
Hearing him undoing his belt and watching him kicking his pants to the side, he moved closer to you, one hand intertwined with yours, the other turning your head, facing him as he leaned down and giving you a deep, passionate yet loving kiss, before slowly pushing himself into you.
No matter how many times the two of you made love, you still can’t get over the delicious sensation of how his large cock stretches your pussy, with each pounding you see stars in front of your eyes. 
The room is full of the sound of his low groan and your sobbing and begging, for him to give you another release.  Lifting one of  your legs up to change the angle, he ordered you to move your hand down towards your swollen bundle of nerves.
“I want to see how you pleasure yourself, my little bird.” 
You began to rub your own clit intensely, trying to relieve that need that is bubbling up again, all of sudden he sped up with his pace,  hitting right into the sweet spot that made you scream out with pleasure. 
“That is … sing out for my lastochka… I love it when you show me how much pleasure my cock is bringing you. Now, why don’t you be a good girl and come for me?” 
Your hand falters as the second orgasm hits you,your pussy clenching uncontrollably around his cock. Closing your eyes and letting out a stream of incoherent babble, followed by the sensation of Nikolai’s hot cum filling the inside of you. He buried his head into the crook of your neck, trying to ride out his own orgasm.
You moaned out with frustration with the emptiness that he left you when he pulled out from you, you felt both of your cum dripping down between your legs and the drag of wetness between the crack of your ass as he drew his cock back. 
Turning you around, he runs his fingers between the fold of your pussy, and gathers up a bit of the cum.
“What a mess you have made… Now, how would you suggest we clean this up?” 
With an innocent smile, you draw his hand up towards your mouth, licking and sucking each of the fingers clean. 
“Like this?? “ you batter your eyelashes as you cheekily replied. He let out a laugh and bent down to kiss you, getting a good taste of your and his own cum. “What a brilliant idea.. Now , why don't we move to somewhere more… comfortable, so I can perform the cleaning procedure, and maybe, “ his eyes dart down, you can see him getting hard again, “you can clean up mine too?”
The two of you didn’t check out of the hotel the next day until the team came pounding down on the door, and silently retreated back out again as they saw all the clothes scattered along the floors of the living room, leading towards the bedroom. 
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“You love her don’t you?”Nikolai looked at Mr Mcleans with surprise but said nothing.“Ah, don’t look so surprised. I have lived twice as long as you, I know that look. The same look I give my lovely bonnie Linda. Bless her soul in heaven.” he took another sip of whisky. 
“ I only agreed to take that bampot bairn because his father Lord Witherington begged me to do so. Now,” Slapping Nikolai’s back,”Go and get her back.”
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And People, this is the story of how Anya MacTavish was produced. My inspirations : Again, nothing beat's @shkretart's beautiful Nikolai from this post NIKOLAI IN SUIT . so hot and delicious. I just couldn't get over it! tag list:
@homicidal-slvt,
@roosterr @preciouslittlecreature
@siilvan @floral-force @kaplerrr @captainpriceslover
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sxnyarostova · 7 months
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downton downstairs and how they eat their toast:
carson: lightly toasted with a very thin layer of butter on top. look me in the eye and tell me he'd like it done any other way.
mrs hughes: not the biggest fan of toast. prefers scones, but when she absolutely has to eat it, she likes it toasted with jam only. she is eventually influenced by mr carson and puts minimal butter before she slathers it in strawberry jam.
mrs patmore: toast connoisseur; she has to be the one to crisp the bread and will not eat it otherwise. butter and preserves are the way to go. in a modern context she is a marmite lover; not a huge fan of crusts though
thomas: eats it plain with absolutely nothing on it. will put parsley butter if available though (but it never is so the mystery of whether thomas actually puts condiments on his toast remains very much intact). avid marmalade hater.
o'brien: would be gluten-free in a modern context. does not enjoy toast. don't even think about giving her some she will bite your hand off
william: he likes english muffins. if forced to eat toast he nibbles at it until it vaguely resembles an English muffin.
gwen: cuts the crusts off her bread and gets the most bombastic side eye from mrs p. liker of marmalade and heckler of daisy's anti-marmalade stance
anna: does not toast her bread and likes a thin layer of jam, so long as it doesn't overpower that taste that makes bread, well, bread. likes scones more but isn't excessively picky about it. will occasionally pop scrambled eggs onto her toast, and gets mr bates into it.
mr bates: toasts his bread, and puts butter and jam in even quantities. apparently he is a liker of marmalade, but this was only said in response to thomas' denouncement of it at the table. does he actually enjoy it? we'll never know. crust enjoyed. as mentioned above he puts scrambled eggs on his toast every once in a while.
daisy: very particular about how it's done. she wants untoasted bread, lots of butter, and lots of jam, but not too much of either condiment or it'll make her sick. she despises marmalade and would actually cry as a child if someone forced her to eat it. always eats her crusts, and will eat toast as a midnight snack. she's clearly a fan.
ivy: no crusts, no toasting, no butter, and just puts jam. fights with daisy sometimes about their stances on how toast is supposed to be enjoyed. eventually caves and starts toasting it.
alfred: did not inherit his aunt's genes and is a huge fan of bread. he will literally talk to you for hours about baking bread and how much butter is too much butter. will literally not shut up about toast. eats it with what he believes is the golden ratio of butter (it isn't).
jimmy: likes it a little burnt. that's it he has no other preferences
ms baxter: anna got her scrambled egg thing from her. ms baxter is the original inventor of scrambled eggs on toast actually she patented the term
mr molesley: huge toast enjoyer. initially very adamant that it should be eaten with just butter but changes his ways after ms baxter comes into his life <3
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