By the time cars were invented, Jonah Magnus was already well into the body hopping game, which raises the question: has he ever actually learn to drive? Did this man sit through driver’s ed? Or has he just been getting out of legal repercussions for his shit driving by telling the cops everything he knows about their deepest darkest secrets every time he gets pulled over?

So, I've been wanting to say this for a while now xD (read: months and months).

You may (or may not) have wondered why someone (me lol) has been interacting with you so much on Tumblr all of a sudden, but there's a reason for it.

I've been a long time reader of all the work you've written, but you've never seen me in your AO3 comment section. I also never turned up in your dash here. It's been almost two years that I've been going through crippling depression and the usual other shitty things life throws at us for fun - and I had no energy or will to reopen any of my social media, nor login into my AO3 acc. I love nights but some were so dark and scary that I had severe bouts of insomnia. What did keep me sane however, was your writing. The first work I read was "I'm begging for you to take my hand" and I still remember how much comfort it brought me. Even your crack fics, you meant for them to be crack but I was restless to read them every night after awful days. More recently ofc, BW, ah god, I have so much to say, but that's for the comment section ofc.

In short, thank you so much for all your hard work and serious effort. For me when I look back on the last 1.5 years, I think of lots of unpleasant things but also, the good things and one of them is definitely your AO3 treasure trove. A light at the end of the tunnel for me. A warm blanket that tells me things will be okay. Always will be.

So thank you once again. Everything you've written (and continue to do so) brings me so much happiness and inspiration. Things are so much better for me these days and a big part of why I began to write again is because of you. I'm just waiting for my free time so I can spam you on AO3 haha xD So happy to see you on my dash too!

(ah none of this is sensitive or private info btw haha xD Feel free to post publicly. Everyone should know how beautiful your writing is!)

I've read this message like, half a dozen times already and I still don't know what so say. I know our time on Tumblr is relatively short, but it's always nice to see you on my dashboard, especially after reading your aruani fics and I'm honored to know that I inspired you to write

I'm sorry to hear about the hardships you were going through. Times like that feel like they could go on forever and that there's no light at the end of the tunnel. As much as I'd like to say "it be like that sometimes" I genuinely understand since both reading and writing fanfiction for the past 8ish years has been really healing for me, and I'm glad my work was of help for you. Especially with how feel about night, it can be the most devastating when something that we loved turns against us and becomes a place of fear and anxiety

On a more specific note, learning that "I'm begging for you to take my hand" meant so much to you is kind of making me reconsider and view it in a new light. It was my least favorite and everytime I'd get a Kudos on it and I'd internally scream 'nooooo not this one!! go to my other stuff!!' But yeah, it's already being elevated in my brains as I type this

I think in online fandoms we stress so much that fanfic is 100% self indulgent and that we write only for ourselves but choose to share with other. and while I wholly agree with that viewpoint, but I also think writing (which includes fanfic) is also meant to move others and elicit emotions in them, and I'm truly happy I could provide the same joy and comfort your fics provided for me

I look forward to reading your future works for as long as you're happy to create them and I'm honored to learn that you're anticipating more of mine <3

I promise I'll get around to updating BW soon!!

Hello! Hope you're doing well.

I wanted to ask you a little thing, don't worry about when you answer this btw! No rush needed.

I've been thinking about a fic I want to write since Mermay, I didn't have ideas so I forgot about it. But I just got one of those inspiration rushes that make you want to write everything you can.

The thing here is, I realized that pretty much all the "basic" info I have about Mer is thanks to your fics. So, before I write anything I wanted to ask if it was ok for me to use that info? Like, the mating marks, how they lick at their wounds to help them heal faster and all that stuff.

It might sound a bit silly for some people to ask for this since I don't really post the things I write. But I can tell you have spent a lot of time and effort to write down all those ideas and it feels like a really selfish thing to just write it without asking first.

If the idea makes you uncomfortable please tell me and I'll respect it 100%!

Oh wow, this is- wow this is such a compliment 🥺

And no I’m okay with it, go for it!!

In the end, this is just my silly little Mer au and my take on the classical mermaid, so the fact that you’re adapting them really makes my little heart burst 👉👈

You’re absolutely free to do and write whatever you want, though if you do happen to post it, I would appreciate maybe a little @ mention about inspiring the Mer or whatever you use the information on this dumb little blog for ☺️ (totally not because if you do feel comfy to post it I totally wanna read it, pssssh, noooo what are you talking about)

No but seriously, don’t care what people think because this is so so so nice and respectful of you and I so so so appreciate it, seriously.

One of my biggest fears as a writer is my ideas getting stolen or taken(before I get the chance to write them) or me accidentally writing a similar idea to someone else and having them think I stole their ideas. So for you to come out and ask is an absolute godsend. Thank you

But yes, you’re absolutely free to do as you wish 🥰 Go use that motivation!! And if you happen to post, you know what to do ;3

Stay as awesome as you are, anon, thank you

BnHA Chapter 254: Who the Hell Is Bucky

Previously on BnHA: All Might welcomed 1-A back after the new year with a pun he’s probably been working on for the entire winter break, the poor man. Aizawa received a call :’) and drove down to Tartarus with Mic to meet up with Naomasa and Gran Torino. Nao and Gran were all “so you’ll NEVER GUESS, but we found out that Kurogiri’s quirk is apparently a FAKE QUIRK which was created from a bunch of other quirks -- AND GUESS WHICH ONE WAS THE ORIGINAL QUIRK?” and Aizawa was all (ಠ ∩ಠ), and Mic put a hand on his shoulder, and Nao was all “YEAH YOU DID GUESS, IT’S YOUR OLD DEAD PAL SHIRAKUMO, FROM CHAPTERS 59 THROUGH 65 OF VIGILANTES!” And okay, so (1) OH MY GOD, and (2) I originally thought this meant that Kurogiri is straight up a zombie!Shirakumo, but others pointed out that he might be some random other dude who just has Kumo’s quirk, among others. And like, okay. SO WHAT IS THE TRUTH.

Today on BnHA: Y’ALL HE REALLY IS A ZOMBIE!KUMO, AND NAOMASA AND GRAN BROUGHT AIZAWA AND MIC TO TALK TO HIM AND TRY TO RESTORE HIS MEMORIES SOMEHOW. Aizawa is all “this isn’t some fantasy world with happy endings, this is THE REAL WORLD WHERE MIRACLES DON’T HAPPEN!” but Gran is all “sometimes they do!” and Aizawa is like “!!” and so they sit down to chat with Kumo. Aizawa launches into a passionate speech about how great Kumo was and how he pulled him along and inspired him, and how he (Aizawa) is strict with his students now and -- get this -- FAKE-EXPELS THEM IN ORDER TO PUT THE FEAR OF GOD INTO THEM JUST ONCE LMAO, BUT IT’S BECAUSE HE CARES, and because he wants them to be great heroes and not hapless redshirts who get killed offscreen. And by the end of it he’s crying and imploring Shirakumo -- “if you’re still in there somewhere” -- to become heroes with him and Mic just like they always wanted. All of it is exactly as emotionally devastating as you would figure, btw.

you guys I have been playing hopscotch on my dash since yesterday trying to avoid spoilers about the popularity poll until I actually had time to write down my reactions! all I know is that of course Bakugou is #1 again, because this fandom always comes through lol. my other predictions are that the rest of the trio will receive lots of love again as well, and Hawks will once again be high on the list, and Aizawa too because of the Vigilantes flashbacks (at least HE BETTER), and probably the villains will get a big boost as well after their arc, Tomura in particular. and Endeavor might break the top 10 again too with the newest arc, although I can’t quite remember whether or not the poll was still going on by the time that started (ETA: actually I don’t think it was). but yeah. anyway so there’s a real possibility that most of the kids will actually be shut out of the top ranks because of these GROWN-UPS and VILLAINS stealing all their glory, smh. your time will come, kids

“more than anyone, you were a hero” oh is this chapter going to play with my feelings yet again. is this just going to happen every fucking week now. okay

HELL YEAH MY BOYS ON THE COVER

@unboundednamelessfuture, to answer your ask about whether I’m planning on watching Heroes Rising, the answer is a resounding YES, POSSIBLY EVEN MULTIPLE TIMES IN THEATERS IF I CAN SWING IT, because I’m pretty sure it’s actually just going to be All My Dreams Come True: The Movie. and yes I have seen some spoilers for it, although I’m not clear on whether or not they’re actual spoilers or just rumors. so because of that I won’t post my thoughts just yet, except to say that if it is true, see above re: All My Dreams Come True: The Movie, and also add a bunch more exclamation points at the end of the title omfg

anyway so my sons are famous now. they’re in Hollywood. good for them

AND NOW THE POLLLLLLLL YES

oh shit, I heard about “Deku & Bakugou Rising”, but is that out this week?? shit I’ll have to do a separate post if that’s the case. I’m assuming it’s more of a bonus chapter than an actual spinoff, kind of like the All Might chapter we got for the last movie. either way, to say I’m hyped would be a massive understatement, needless to say

(ETA: okay so I’ve seen Korean scanlations of this -- which I didn’t look at closely because spoilers -- but no English scans yet. so stay tuned!)

so I was wrong about the kids being shooed out of the top 10! I have never been so pleased to be wrong! so we have Kacchan at #1 (I love his face so much. ghlkhf), Deku at #2 (he beat Shouto this year! good for you!!), Shouto at #3 (wouldn’t be surprised if he and Deku were neck and neck again though), Kirishima at #4 (we stan one bright ray of sunshine), Iida at #5 (YOU DESERVE IT SO MUCH SWEETHEART. I’M SO GLAD FANDOM ISN’T SLEEPING ON THE ACTUAL BEST CHARACTER IN THE SERIES), Tomura at #6 (DID YOU NOT GET THE MEMO ABOUT WEARING A NUMBER ON YOUR OUTFIT? MAKING ME FIGURE IT OUT FROM THE PROCESS OF ELIMINATION IS A REAL BASTARD MOVE. THEY SHOULD HAVE PUT YOU AT #8 TO MATCH YOUR CURRENT NUMBER OF FINGERS YOU STUPID SEXY JERK), Aizawa at #7 (THANK YOU FANDOM, YOU’VE REDEEMED YOURSELVES FROM LAST YEAR), Ochako at #8 (I LOVE YOUUUU), Toga at #9 (LADIES!!!!!!), and Momo at #10 (YES GIRRRRRL)

I think this is the strongest showing of ladies yet in the top ten (ETA: actually no, the second poll was slightly better) and I’m all about it. also can they all please keep these costume upgrades because YES. I don’t care if Horikoshi would get sick of drawing them. THAT’S WHAT ASSISTANTS ARE FOR. KATSUKI HAS A FUCKING BULLET BANDOLIER, COME ON, YOU CAN’T MAKE THIS JUST A ONE TIME THING YOU ASSCLOWNS, THIS IS FOR THE PEOPLE

lol here’s the abridged version of the Shirakumo flashbacks, I guess. everyone was saying last week how Vigilantes was now required reading, and like, I get that everyone’s excited about the crossover, but they still have to make this comprehensible for people who only read the main series. I’m guessing we’ll get the short version here, but Vigilantes gets to provide the more in-depth story for people who want to know more about everything, which is more or less what Vigilantes’s role has been in general

anyway so here’s Kumo doing his usual Naruto impression and cheerfully dooming himself by being ceaselessly optimistic and tempting fate’s sense of irony

you sure can! just so long as that crisis doesn’t involve big, heavy rocks, or gravity. I’m sorry kiddo

“‘let’s all form an agency together.’ it happened just after he said those words.” well there you have it, the BnHA equivalent of “one week left till my retirement.” hero training should really include a mandatory course titled Death Flags: The Silent Killers. there are children’s lives at stake here

lol yeah this really is abridged

“once upon a time we all wanted to be heroes and then Shirakumo got crushed by some rocks the end.” yeah, so maybe not quite the full emotional impact of the original lol

OH SHIT SON

so it is his reanimated corpse, then! which means the potential for him somehow dramatically regaining his memories is very high. since this is a shounen manga, I’m gonna go ahead and put it at... 100%. is that too low

guys I don’t know what to do when Present Mic is making faces like this

when even the Comic Relief Guy is getting all traumatized and serious, you know it’s bad. sob who will I turn to now for comfort. Horikoshi’s really just gonna go full dark no stars here and leave me just stumbling around lost

OH IF IT ISN’T THE ORIGINAL PIECE OF SHIT HIMSELF!!

yeah it makes perfect sense actually, you bastard. you steal the bodies from the crematorium and then give the families fake ashes or something. holy shit you really will not stop until you find the lowest possible level to stoop to, and then grab a fucking shovel and start digging so as to GO DOWN EVEN LOWER. just. god everything about this is just so wrong

oh btw, now seems like a good time to bring up this ask I got last week!

anon you blew my mind, just so you know. you’re absolutely right. so that’s one mystery down! though the way that this is going, I’m not so sure I’m gonna like any of the other answers that the Noumu arc is gonna provide us sob

holy shit look at this fucking simile

dead children = leftovers. sure why not. just in case we all forgot how evil he is

and also, YEAH BUDDY THAT’S WHAT I JUST FUCKING SAID, PLEASE KEEP UP. and who even knows how many other times AFO has done this. I hope they’ve started investigating crematoriums, then. I’m just waiting for them to make some connection that leads to them finally finding out about Ujiko, but that might take a while still

(ETA: although if they actually can get Kumo to talk...)

and did he really just solemnly call Mic “DJ” because omfg. Gran, are you the comic relief. do you even know. are you even aware

oh hey look another dagger to my heart

ouch. that was cold. and... not necessarily true, though, is it? because he was kind enough to Tomura. idk, I know my villain mom has done some horrible things, but you’ll be hard pressed to get me to think of him as all bad, even so. he was the one keeping Tomura from going FULLASS MURDER MODE!! for a long time

HEY WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF COP-OUT IS THIS

well then WHY DID YOU EVEN BRING THEM IN HERE! DID THEY NOT SEEM TRAUMATIZED ENOUGH TO YOU?? “well idk they seem pretty shaken up already, but just to make sure they grasp the full repugnant horror of the situation why don’t we make them visit him face to face.” OKAY THEN YOU SADISTS

son of a bitch and speaking of twisting the knife, Horikoshi keeps showing us these increasingly wrecked glimpses of Aizawa lowkey falling apart and I can’t

at this point the shadows under his eyes have their own shadows. and god dude, I know you’re rational, but it’s really hard to watch you just outright dismiss any and all possibilities of hope just like that :(

what the fuck Gran

so you really are the one in this scene who’s trying to lift everyone’s spirits now. well all right then, just what are you alluding to

OH SNAP

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD NOUMU BACKSTORY AT LAST! jesus christ, do Nao and Gran just know everything already, and they’ve just been keeping it all to themselves for the hell of it?? how long before they casually swing by U.A. and are all “oh and by the way, the traitor is...”

ANOTHER AIZAWA FACE BUT THIS ONE IS SOFT OH GOD!!

HEY WHAT’S UP I’M GONNA CRY. SOMEONE TURN ON SOME SAD MUSIC. AND I WON’T GO, AND I WON’T SLEEP, AND I CAN’T BREATHE, UNTIL YOU’RE RESTING HERE WITH ME

AND I WON’T LEAVE, I CAN’T HIDE, I CANNOT BEEEEEEEE

hey Nao. you know what really would have helped with getting him to talk. NOT KNOCKING HIM UNCONSCIOUS. ??? move over do you need someone else to do your job for you or

-- OH THEY’RE TALKING TO HIM NOW LMAO OKAY

“go ahead and do your thing guys. don’t be afraid to make it real gay”

this would be even more dramatic if Kurogiri actually had a face. but even so... OH I AM WHAT I AM. I’LL DO WHAT I WANT. BUT IIIIIIII CAN’T HIIIIDE

oh my fucking god Aizawa is all “but what about his family?” and Naomasa is literally “if you two are unsuccessful, then...” like straight up acknowledging that the three of them were so fucking gay in high school that their odds of getting through to Kumogiri are stronger than that of his OWN FUCKING FAMILY. wow

chin up my sexy man. you got this

OH SHIT AHHHHHHH

LDSKFHL EASY THERE CHAMP, THAT’S TOO MUCH SEX TO BE CONTAINED IN A SINGLE PANEL, PLEASE TRY AND DO ME A FAVOR AND FUCKING HOLD IT TOGETHER HERE FOR THE KIDS WHO ARE READING THIS!! [frantically googles ‘can a shounen manga get you pregnant’]

so Aizawa is all “I’ll be damned if I let his family hear this sickening story” and like, I’m sure he means that in a “they don’t deserve that pain” kind of noble and principled way, but if it were my child I sure would want to know regardless. and aren’t they going to find out either way?? either you do get through to him, in which case obviously you would want the family to know “HEY, GOOD NEWS!”, or you don’t manage it and Nao has to call them anyway as we just established. but you go ahead and get all fired up then, Shouta

now there’s a panel of him staring at Kumo and Kumo is just a big shapeless blob of black smoke just sitting there lol. don’t tell me he’s still unconscious?!

oh

thank you

anyway so Aizawa, did you know that while you were off being an underground hero, Kumo was studying at Oxford to get his medical degree while bartending on nights and weekends to make ends meet. the two of you have so much to catch up about

Mic’s thinking that even with Aizawa using his quirk, the fog isn’t dissipating, so it means Kumo’s body is now made up of fog. well but then what about the metal neck thingy! huh??

and Mic’s opening his big mouth to complain that Kurogiri is far too polite and classically educated to really be their old pal, but before he can finish, Kumo is interrupting to ask about his son!!

he’s. uh. I guess you could call it “well”? maybe a little too well [marge simpson noises]

well Mic is clearly back to being the comic relief here. but Aizawa is keenly spotting those mom instincts that have remained in Kumo to this day!

yes Aizawa the core of your friend is still in there deep down!

OH MY GOD

LMAOOOO. “EMO PUNK... WHERE HAVE I HEARD THAT BEFORE -- !!” [AUDIBLY GASPS AND LOOKS DIRECTLY AT AIZAWA]

oh my lord. like, I don’t think this is actually meant to be funny, but just the fact that he immediately associates “emo” with AIZAWA FUCKING SHOUTA so strongly that it makes him go (•̪ o •̪) all knowingly has me fucking deceased right now good grief

so Kumo says he doesn’t resent his mission at all. some people like looking after emo punks, Mic. you should know

AND NOW MY FEELINGS ARE BEING TOYED WITH AGAIN!! JUST STRAIGHT UP OUT IN THE OPEN!! THIS ISN’T FAIR

heh. don’t mind me I’m just looking for some sort of emotional support to cling to here for my breakdown that’s about to happen about 0.2 seconds after Aizawa starts crying, if he indeed starts to cry. which it looks like he might. oh god I’m not ready for this at all. my hatches are not even remotely battened; my shutters are just gonna go flying right the fuck off

by the way what the fuck is up with the chairs at Tartarus. why do they look like swiss cheese

hmm, Nao and Torino are all “no reaction”, but to me it looks like there clearly is a reaction, though? he can’t even look Aizawa in the eye all of a sudden. it’s clearly getting to him. Nao seriously, do you need someone else to do your job

oh Aizawa

(ETA: Kumo really first-named Aizawa two seconds after meeting him. this man knows how to adopt his introverts.)

okay but Present Mic in a summer uniform is the most punchable version yet, SORRY I JUST HAD TO SAY IT I’M SORRY MIC I LOVE YOU. it was just gonna come bursting up out of me if I didn’t

anyway so Aizawa is gaying it up just as promised

him using his quirk is definitely making the scene more intense, but I’m not really sure why he actually is using it, since we’ve established it’s not having any effect. unless he’s trying to possibly undo some of the brainwashing somehow??

(ETA: so it occurred to me that just because his quirk isn’t dissolving Kumo’s mist body doesn’t mean that it’s not having an effect on his warp abilities. this way they can interrogate him without fear of him trying to use it and them having to knock him out again.)

so Kumo’s continuing to try and play it off all smooth while Aizawa unleashes the full force of fifteen years of pent up grief and trauma!

starting to think Aizawa never did go to therapy after that whole thing. typical U.A. “so you saw your best friend die suddenly and violently right before your eyes and subsequently suppressed it and hallucinated his voice talking to you to avoid facing that reality, huh? eh, you’ll be fine”

oh no a close-up of Aizawa that doesn’t show his face completely. this kind of thing never ends well

BECAUSE HE DOESN’T WANT THEM TO END UP LIKE YOU [sobs forever]

wait are we really going to talk about this?? omg

wait what. so do you mean to tell me he expelled them but then continued to guide them afterwards so they would have long, happy and healthy careers but more importantly would be safe omfg I’m not fucking ready for this shit

we’re cutting to U.A.’s class 2-A! Aizawa’s former class? does that mean he literally expelled EVERY SINGLE ONE of his students last year omg

so then. does every single standout characteristic of the Aizawa we know and love stem from his tragic past and his relationship with this boy then, or what? meanwhile the feelings continue to torrentially lash against my house while I huddle in the basement

I can’t fucking believe we’re actually getting a legit reveal about the “Aizawa expels all his students” gag holy shit

re-enroll!? what?? and “expel” in quotation marks?!?

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS -- HE DID IT JUST TO SCARE THEM!? AND THEN WHAT, WERE THEY PICKED UP AFTERWARD BY THE OTHER HERO CLASSES INSTEAD? SO HE TEACHES THEM A POTENTIALLY LIFE-SAVING LESSON AND THEN GETS TO LAZE AROUND THE REST OF THE YEAR, LOL WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. THIS MAN IS A GENIUS

(ETA: and by this logic, Deku really ought to have been expelled half a dozen times by now. don’t ever try and tell me that this man doesn’t play favorites.)

so Aizawa is taking his goggles off and saying that he’s strict with his students because he wants them to live long, fulfilling lives

OH NO

SOMEHOW HORIKOSHI MADE KURO’S FACE LOOK SOFT?! I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW, IS THERE ANYTHING HE CAN’T DO

AHHHHH

OH NO HE DID IT AHHHH THE TEARS, FUCK. WELL MY HOUSE IS FUCKING DESTROYED, I’M CLIMBING UP TO THE ROOF TO AWAIT RESCUE

wow. anyways that really did get gay as fuck at the end, didn’t it. given the meaning that those goggles have to Aizawa, can this be taken as a form of marriage proposal? no? well I’m taking it that way anyway, so. congratulations you two. I’m off to go sob into a pillow now

Art thought log

I want to share my thoughts on art, art-making, and improvement of art in one super art post. So here we go:

1. Making art: What does it mean to you?

I think making art is a very therapeutic and rewarding pastime whether you are a hobbist or professional. Art and other crafts are what give the day to day meaning. At the end of the day it is your life and your time, spend it how you want. Which leads into comparison etc. I’ve been blocked up for months now terrified to create anything and with no drive to practice because I was uncomfortable making ugly things. BTW you will make ugly imperfect things. Not all the time but a lot of the time. But the joy is in the process, not the product. If it is still hard to get over then guess what? You don’t have to share what you do. It can be for you to enjoy. I actually tack a lot of my own art on my walls. What stops me most of the time is perfectionism and the need for others approval. Ironically, when my reasons for art change, to get famous, etc. I never ever want to make art. Which is sad. I understand that as a professional I will have to make work other people would enjoy, and that is ok. Currently, I just want to play and enjoy the process. And that is ok too.  If you want to improve, look at good art and look at it objectively. See what makes it good using the fundamentals. Don't belittle yourself for not being as good. The only thing that separates you from what you want is time and practice.

2. Everything depends on your perspective and what you would like to do:

What I mean is, yes, I do believe that there is an objective standard to decide what good art is and I think my ratio would be somewhere like 60% content and 40% technique (my opinion) because I think both works together to make good art. Some art is technically amazing but lacks soul and others are creative but cannot get the idea across clearly. The technique is the vehicle on which you can convey your ideas more accurately. That is all. Your ratio may depend on what you are trying to say. If you want to be really good practice the fundamentals: Light, color, value, shape, composition, etc. Look how other artists use these and what subject matter they focus on. Practice growing your visual library by drawing things around you and subjects that interest you. Focus on drawing with volume and learning anatomy. These kinds of things will help you improve and even bleed into style as you learn to play around with the basics. But if it's hard to make stuff, just remember for me, bad art is better than no art.

But importantly, enjoy the process...

If you do not enjoy the process of making art, then why make art? The benefits from the process outweigh the final product in my opinion. If you enjoyed making something even if it turned out bad. You still won, it was a good experience for you! At the end of your day, you can decide to enjoy your art for what it is and be happier or beat yourself up for trying. Your art is only as good as you think it is. Being satisfied with what you have now will carry over into a drive to improve. You see your work and go “Wow I made this and I am proud, how can I improve upon this for next time?” Then you start paying attention to how you convey your ideas, what reference to use, the basics and suddenly you're improving. I think that being happy with what you have now isn't necessarily going to breed complacency. But even if you do not wanna improve then you do you, man.

If you want to be a professional then practice and put your stuff out there. That’s it

3. Comparison to others:

You could compare your speed of work or render technique or whatever you can think of. But what's the point? (excluding trying to improve your work) I mean just the kind that shuts you down, makes you think you can’t get better or there is no point. I mean you will have wasted your time (the only time you get) worrying that you aren't as good as other people (who aren't worried about what you are doing) rather than just making your art. And that’s sad! I’ve wasted so much time with this it drives me insane. Sometimes I even worry I am not as passionate as other people because some days I do not want to draw. Which is crazy! I may not have the discipline down but I do not lack passion. You cannot be 100% super f*cking stoked all the time but ya gotta keep going if you really want to get better. Sometimes your idea of success is not as grand as others. For me, I want to bring to life ideas, get technically skilled, and have a big body of work. But for others, it's different. There are so many people in the world, just do you and make your time count!

Just be kind to yourself and others and make an effort if you really want it. If you just enjoy it as a hobby then keep doing you! If you want to be great, be ready to sacrifice some time getting there. But do not rush, it's going to be a lifetime journey. In the end, it will pay off, it may not be big but it will be yours. 

And at the end of the day, that is what matters.

Make it yours.

(also one of my favorite things I remember to motivate me is Mark Manson saying in an article: F*ck you, have you even tried?)

Many things I have read or stumbled upon on this site have inspired me thus far:

Mark Manson: https://markmanson.net/life-purpose?fbclid=IwAR2KX0HR1h1SEVgeiaxShZtuR9s1IjsklMehZlLPuSoJUrneljLiwB4Bv9Y   (for general advice on passions)

Austin Kleon: How to Steal Like an Artist 

Hugh Macleod: Ignore Everybody and 39 Keys to Creativity 

Julia Cameron: The Artists Way

 David Bayles and Ted Orland: Art & Fear (highly recommend)

My friend @why-bless-your-heart

Bob Ross and Vincent Van Gogh (if you need inspiration)

and many many many more!

Can’t we all just get along? (Spoiler: No.)

It’s a long story as to why, but I am friends with an older conservative woman on Facebook. “Friends” as in the Facebook terminology. It is one of those situations where it would be tricky to unfriend them. Very tricky. 

She will often provoke me into debating her. And then she gets hurt and insulted when I dispute her point of view. I am always polite and patient. She instigates these debates. And then I am the bad guy for debating her. How dare I contradict a wholesome grandmother.

“I’m just a sweet little old lady who bakes cookies for her grandkids! I go to church and volunteer at homeless shelters. Also, Barack Obama founded ISIS and if those illegals wanted to keep their kids they shouldn’t have broken the law!”

When the NFL kneeling protests started I linked to a thread with thousands of vets and soldiers. Many of them saying they did not want people using them as props. As in “My brother/cousin/uncle is in the Army” as a preface to give more weight to someone’s personal opinion. It wasn’t even me saying this. I was relaying something that thousands of soldiers had said. Something she could have just gone to the link and read. She thought I was attacking her because her son is in the Navy. And she loooves to say “As the mother of a son in the Navy...”

She once vague posted about me. I tend to talk a lot about TV shows and movies because that is a big part of my life. I can’t leave my bed, so that is all I have to keep me occupied. I posted my thoughts about watching movies with problematic actors in them. She just left a comment that said “Wow!” Which I didn’t understand at first. I learned that she couldn’t believe I cared so much about that particular topic. 

Two minutes later she created a new post and ranted about how people are glued to their screens watching drivel. They cared too much about the junk Hollywood produces. They should read more books! (Because none of those are vapid drivel, right?) They should go outside and enjoy the wonders of the world. It was painfully obvious I inspired this rant. And I’m 100% sure she knows my situation. I literally cannot enjoy the wonders of the world. Way to twist the knife, lady.

My least favorite thing she does is in one post she’ll call liberals liars and in another call for unity and friendship and compromise. 

“Can’t we all just get along??”

I don’t know. Can we? 

Maybe if you stopped calling us liars. 

And if you didn’t support a fascist. 

(Who is the world’s most notorious liar, btw.)

Then after the midterms she made another call for unity. 

“My hope is that this will encourage both the left and the right to work together and seek compromise...My fear is that the name calling as well as the slurrs and distrust will get worse. I am choosing today to be hopeful and ask all of my Facebook friends to do likewise. Don't jump to calling others racist or snowflakes or any other petty and polarizing name calling. Please lets be positive it is our only hope to get things done.’

Just a few hours later President Donald J Trump held a press conference. Some highlights include him calling someone a rude, terrible person. And he also called a black reporter a racist. 

LET’S BE POSITIVE, PEOPLE!

Trump calling that reporter a racist is especially ironic because I’m pretty sure she was worried about liberals flippantly calling people racists. Trump is guilty of every behavior she deemed to be the root cause of divisiveness and yet she has never criticized him for it. She puts the onus of being positive and working together on her own Facebook friends before the leader of her political party. 

It’s also a bit telling that she uses snowflake and racist as her examples. Does she think those insults are equally bad? I mean, if the worst thing a liberal can be is a snowflake, and the worst thing a conservative can be is a racist... does that not throw up any red flags in your choice of political ideology? 

“They have a bunch of snowflakes on their side. NO THANKS. I’ll stick with the racists.”

Also, she thinks liberals are “jumping” to calling people racists. I can’t speak for others, but I do not call anyone that lightly. If there is a long pattern of behavior proving someone is a racist... then I am going to call them a motherflippin’ racist. I will not refrain from doing so because it might be divisive. 

Conservatives just elected Steve King. A white supremacist who voluntarily met with a bunch of neo-nazis. Should I not “jump” to calling him a racist? 

Trump has a history of petty and polarizing name-calling. He just called a woman horseface on the official presidential Twitter account. But my Facebook acquaintance constantly says we need to “give Trump a chance.” That we should root for him to do a good job. And that we only focus on his mistakes and overlook the positive things he’s done. 

I honestly can’t remember the last time Trump has made a decision that wasn’t one of the worst choices from all available options. There was that one time he championed a bill that allowed dying folks a chance to try experimental treatments. There were still issues with that, but that is the last time I kinda/sorta was okay with something he did. He also let that old lady out of prison, but I give most of the credit to Kim Kardashian for that. 

I am not opposed to praising positive accomplishments. But they truly are very rare when it comes to Trump. 

I guess the most frustrating thing is this prevailing notion that “both sides” are equally to blame for this division. That is one of the biggest false equivalencies bandied about these days. Democrats have historically been more willing to compromise. Up until Trump, the majority of liberals truly were interested in trying to find common ground. 

The division has been growing for decades, but when Mitch McConnell dedicated all of his energy to blocking anything and everything Barack Obama did (which he freely admitted), that is when the polarization was solidified. Mitch obstructed every bit of legislation put forth by Obama. Including several bills that would have benefited our veterans. An issue you’d think would easily have bipartisan support. 

Then the Republicans will come up with their own bill to help vets, but add a condition where they will fund kicking puppies for no reason. Democrats vote against it and are accused of hating veterans because they haven’t passed any legislation. 

This McConnell obstructionist mantra came to a head when it was time for Obama to nominate a Supreme Court justice. For almost a year that ancient human turtle wouldn’t even allow a vote. 

Sorry, was that petty name-calling? 

My bad. 

Though truly petty would be if I had photoshopped Mitch’s head onto a turtle. Which I have totally never done and I will fight anyone who says otherwise.

*google image search*

Alright, Google... prepare for some fisticuffs!

Fine. You caught me. I guess liberals are liars.  

Now Trump and the Republicans are calling Democrats the obstructionists. Even though they are putting forth an agenda that no self-respecting Democrat could ever vote for. Republicans know there can be no compromise. And they are strategically using these wedge issues to paint liberals as the stubborn ones. 

“Hey, how about this angry beer-guzzling rapist? He’d be a good judge, right?” “Please pick literally anyone else and we will confirm them.” “OBSTRUCTION!!!”

No, we can’t all just get along. 

Things are not divisive because of petty name calling or turtle photoshops. 

Things are not divisive because people are called racists and snowflakes. 

Things are divisive because our president lies constantly without consequence. These are called “alternative facts.”

Things are divisive because of people like this...

Things are divisive because Trump puts little kids in cages and separates families and the Republican leadership doesn’t seem to care. 

Things are divisive because our president conspired with a dictator to subvert our democracy and the Republicans don’t seem to care. 

Things are divisive because our president calls the press the enemy of the people and encourages violence through his rhetoric. And they just... don’t... care.

Also, Trump is a Cheeto-faced racist snowflake. 

Please remember that my opinion is more important than yours because I have a Facebook friend who is the mother of a son in the Navy.

RWBY Volume 6 Chapter 10 Review and Discussion

So today’s episode was great and I wanna go over some of the stuff I liked.

First up, there’s the whole plan to hijack the ship itself which I loved every part of. I thought it was really cute when Jaune’s nephew (sorry I don’t know what his sister’s name is) had to make a distraction. I also loved every moment we got with those two guards because they’re absolutely hilarious. I loved how Weiss had to sneak in Maria by having her hide in a suitcase. I also just loved most of moments between Weiss and Maria in general and I really like that dynamic. Aside from all that, I loved how they clearly had a well thought put plan with everyone making the best use of the skills that they has, especially with Blake using her skills she learned while she was with the White Fang to contribute. I also loved the little comms that they used because it really made the whole episode seem more like a covert ops mission sort of deal. I also loved how Weiss (best girl btw) just yeeted those two guards out of the ship with no remorse and just a parachute.

Aside from the plan itself, I really liked the small moments we got between characters in this episode. I feel like this volume in particular has had the absolute best character interactions and some of the best writing that CRWBY has produced in a while. I loved the little Bumbleby moments we got in this episode. It was nice to see Blake and Yang talking to each other in a more lighthearted attitude compared to their more serious conversations earlier in this volumw (which were still great but I just like seeing them be happy around one another). I also really liked the small moments that we got with JNR and between Oscar and Ruby. I also loved the inspirational words that Ruby said to Qrow to help him realize that everything is ok.

Also let’s talk about Qrow for a sec. I don’t blame Qrow for blaming himself for all that’s happened. Ever since he figured out his semblance, he’s probably blamed himself for all the bad things that happen around him, whether they be his fault or not. So seeing him try to take all the blame for the state that the world is in and for everything bad that’s happened so far is really sad and helps you see how broken he really is. So Ruby saying to him that it doesn’t matter if it’s his fault or not and that they just have to focus on what they do going forward is some really good theming and good advice for life in general. Because even if bad things happen, whether they be in your control or not, it doesn’t matter if it’s your fault, what matters is doing what you think is right going forward and trying your hardest to make things better.

Anyways, then the plan starts falling apart because Blake goes silent for reasons I’ll discuss in a bit. Maria tries to impersonate the guards which doesn’t work and wouldn’t have worked no matter how much jargon she knew. And because of that, General Bitch (can’t remember her name either so I’m just gonna call her that) decides to go all out and begins piloting a giant fucking mecha. This moment was so goddamn awesome and I am super hyped to see everyone attempt to try and take this things down.

And finally, we get to everybody’s favorite part of the episode; Adam’s return. I was wondering when the hell were they gonna bring Adam back since he been gone since rhe first episode of the volume. Plus, he’s in the OP for this volume in multiple shots AND the short for this volume was about his origin. And now, we finally get him back with a semi new design which is basically just him with some weird band over his eyes that I don’t quite understand. But anyways, he’s back and Blake has to deal with his shit again. And this time, Adam has just gone full on creepy stalker mode, essentially just following Blake across Anima just to try and kill her. Also, I loved how Blake dealt with his bullshit. He just says. “You ruined my life” and she goes “I don’t even wanna be a part of your life”, which is just the greatest comeback to that sentence ever. Anyways, CRWBY decides to flex on themselves once again by making this fight between them just so great and making volume 5’s fight scenes seem like even more of a joke. Anyways, after they fight on the tower, they fall all the way down to the ground, which has gotta hurt like a bitch even with aura. And lemme tell ya, when they fell, I was half expecting them to fall right in front of Yang and then Yang would look at Adam in shock/anger and then the episode would end. But, that’s not the case and instead we get the two facing off and then the episode ends.

Now for predictions. I’m nearly 100% sure that the next episode is gonna feature a fight with Adam, Yang, and Blake. But hopefully, this time the fight will be less one-sided than it was in volume 3, which was essentially just Blake getting wrecked and stabbed by Adam and Yang getting her arm slices off. I really hope that the fight is just Yang and Blake wrecking Adam and beating his ass. Because in volume 3, Adam was the one who was calm and collected while Blake and Yang were being consumed by their emotions (Blake’s fear and Yang’s rage). But this time, Blake seems more calm and Adam is just an absolute mess of negativity. Also next episode we’re probably gonna get an awesome fight between everyone else and thay giant ass mecha, but I have really no idea how that fight is gonna go so I’ll just leave it at that.

So, thanks for reading if you did, and I’ll be back next Saturday with another discussion post. Bye!

do you have any super fluffy flinthamilton fic recs? its one of /those/ days

do i EVER (yes, yes i do) 

super fuffy fic rec list down below! (since you said flinthamilton i have only included james/thomas fic, but let me know if you want some fluffy flinthamiltons fic and i can direct you towards some good stuff!) 

Like a ghost. by LittleHouseMouse

It’s the first morning on the plantation after the reunion and Thomas Hamilton is awoken by a sound.

it’s short but sweet and im always here for fic about the first time james and thomas wake up together after the reunion 

I Want To Take Care Of You by Magnetism_bind

James is ill and Thomas just wants to look after him.

post-reunion fluff! flashback to london-era fluff! this fic just makes me happy, and it’s got thomas reading to james, which is always a good thing

Moments by TheAssassinsGhost

“'I can’t believe the days turned into years. I hate to see the moments disappear…‘”

15,743 words, 4 chapters, one of my all-time favourites! various snap-shots into james and thomas’ life after leaving the plantation 

Reorienting by Palebluedot

“Thomas grabs ahold of his holy apparition with both hands and keeps him there, draws him nearer. Let them hold each other until they both bruise, he thinks fiercely, for tenderness needn’t always step light. Love owes them kind wounds.” 

this fucking fic - it’s one of those ‘oh god this is the best fic i’ve read in weeks’ fics. im going to rec a lot of audrey’s fics and they are all as good as this one

Too Fondly to be Fearful by Palebluedot

“A hint of youthful mischief blooms in Thomas’s crow’s-feet as he brushes their toes together beneath the bedcovers. 

“Fancy a moment’s fresh air?”James grins. 

Outside, the scent of the roses hangs heavy as perfume, mixes sweet with every breath of cool night breeze. Thomas settles next to him on the step, barefoot and smiling, his arm warm around James’s waist.” 

james and thomas stargazing in the middle of the night, post-reunion. it’s fucking beautiful and i love it so much 

Things That Grow by Palebluedot

“Weeding, pruning, watering – though the tasks seem never-ending, it’s pleasant, welcome labor, working at a gentle pace, James’s voice as constant as the sun on his back, the sweetness of the roses he tends.

~+~+~+~+~

Something of a companion piece to “Too Fondly to be Fearful,” but can easily be read separately.”

james reading to thomas! happy post-reunion fluff! 

Pathos and Logos by Palebluedot

He should have been on his way ten lost minutes ago. With a sigh, with a parting kiss to the corner of Thomas’s mouth, James at last rises, and the sheets wind tight around his legs. The mattress dips behind him just as his feet brush the floor, and unseen fingers loosely encircle his wrist, keep him perched on the edge of the bed just long enough for a clinging shadow to press against his back, hold him fast about the waist.

“Stay a moment longer,” comes the sweet whisper in his ear.

happy London-era fluff - thomas trying to stop james leaving the bed. the first day this fic was posted i read it something like ten times 

Tactile by Palebluedot

“When Thomas opens his eyes, they stare and stare and seem to shine. “I wondered often how this might look,” he murmurs, pushing an errant lock behind James’s ear, fingers tracing over the shell. He looks down at James, adoration writ plain across his face, warm as the candlelight, and this is all still so strange to James, so new.

~+~+~+~

Inspired by bean-about-townn’s post: “Imagine the first time Thomas sees James’ hair out of its ribbon” and a related conversation with blanketed_in_stars.”

okay basically i should just say at this point that audrey (@brightbluedot) is the queen of fluff

Homecoming by Palebluedot

“That smile grows, and Thomas shall never find the strength to disentangle himself now, so he holds on all the tighter – three months, three months stranded with only the memory of James’s face, God only knows how he survived. But no matter. Now that he’s home, Thomas intends nothing less than to reclaim each and every intimacy the sea stole from them.”

look. if you just ignore the fact that thomas is taken away to bethlem right after this, it’s the fluffiest fic you are ever going to read in your life. 

…but if you read it with that in mind, then it will break your heart. so be warned!

Something Old by Palebluedot 

““Do you remember the first time I brought you home for Christmas?”

“The only time, you mean.”

Thomas grins, eyes sparkling with a fondness James doesn’t recall that battlefield of a holiday deserving. “Fifteen years later, that’s still one of my favorite memories of you.””

modern au fluff after james and thomas get married! 

Eye of the Beholder by Palebluedot

“Open your eyes for me, love,” Thomas reminds him, voice husky, and when he does, the first thing he sees is Thomas’s reflected grin, hungry as the gaze that caresses every inch of skin from James’s parted, panting lips down to his flushed and leaking cock. “Just look at you,” he sighs in James’s ear before he trails imprecise, open-mouthed kisses back down to James’s throat.

~~~

alternatively, that time bean was like “so what if they fucked in front of a mirror” and I was like “shit what if they DID”

i still maintain that this 100% happened at least once. (porn. really, really amazingly written porn. and so very fluffy) 

A Stranger at his Door by theflowercrownedking

“Silver comes looking for Flint. Thomas answers the door.” 

not one for fans of silver, and i fucking love it. thomas is clever, thomas isn’t expected to forgive silver for selling james into slavery and leaving them both in the plantation, and it ends with james and thomas snuggled up together in bed. what’s not to love? (i saw this fic just when i went to go through my bookmarks on ao3 to make this list, and im gonna be honest with you anon, i read it twice through before i could get back to putting together these recs)

Keeping him Safe by theflowercrownedking

“In which James manages to keep his werewolf nature a secret, right up until the moment he has a nightmare and shifts in Thomas’ arms.” 

i mean there’s some angst when it changes to james’ pov, but thomas, as always, is a ray of sunshine who illuminates james’ tragic life and it’s beautiful 

The Throes of Fever by theflowercrownedking

“In which James is feverishly sick, and convinced Thomas is an angel sent to care for him.” 

…i went to try and find a quote to put here to show how wonderful this fic is, but. it was all so good i couldn’t pick a single thing, which means you will just have to take my word for it!

Cache of Gems: Tumblr Ficlets by AstronautSquid

“An ongoing collection of the occasional short scenes I write for tumblr.

Varying ratings, check the chapter title!” 

second chapter is brilliant porn, but the first chapter is fluff and i love it so much - and only partly bc it’s a little bit my fault 

i am absolutely happy to read fic of James just staring at the back of Thomas’ head for an hour. who isn’t?? 

kinky nsfw ficlet 1 by @complaininginthedark

Anonymous asked: for the kink thing - cockwarming, if youre into it? your writing is amazing btw

aaahhhhh thank you so much!!!! I’ve already played with the idea of cock warming for these two simply because I think James is a little touch starved most of the time and is easily overwhelmed and needs grounding a lot. So here is my take on it.

it’s so very fluffy and i love it 

“I’ll keep you safe” by @complaininginthedark

bean-about-townn asked: ooh, 66 (“I’ll keep you safe”) for flinthamilton, which would. also be great for aftercare after the reunion (sorry im obsessed with the concept now. ur last fic was too good i can’t stop thinking about it)

aaaaaaaaah i prompted this and it’s still one of my favourite bits of writing in the fandom 

Vulnerable by khazadspoon

James needed to feel the sharp sting of his hand, the bite of his teeth, the grip of ropes at his hands and feet.

And Thomas would do anything, anything, to give James peace. Even if that peace was brought through pain.

– Post series, Thomas takes care of James after a rough night. Aftercare and comfort because I love these two too much –

it’s so fluffy and beautiful and it’s one of my all time favourites. no explicit sex, though the implication is there

let it snow, let it snow, let it snow! by NahaFlowers

It’s snowing outside and Thomas wants to go out and play in the snow, despite it being the dead of night. James’s protests are feeble at best - he can’t deny this man anything. Just cute fluff. Written for penflicks on Tumblr.

look. let’s be realistic. it doesn’t get much fluffier than thomas carrying james to bed 

Till Death Us Do Part by Palebluedot

And there’s that ache, and there’s that sweetness, and lord, James really would swear in the eyes of God that he cannot bear to live without him, wouldn’t he?

~+~+~+~

Those whom God hath joined together, let no man put asunder: a triptych.

james thinking about marriage in london, nassau, and after the reunion. the first and third parts are the fluffiest fluff ever to fluff, but the middle will break your heart in the best way 

Something like Home by enthugger

Sober, James thinks that Thomas Hamilton is brilliant. He is safe and warm and his presence is a soft glow that brightens the ridged structure of James’ mind. Drunk, he believes that Thomas should own the goddamn world.

imagine me making a sound akin to the sound one makes when seeing a particularly adorable kitten, and you’ll get an accurate idea of my reaction to this fic 

you are a constellation by ohCaptain (AngryPirateHusbands)

fluffy porn about thomas appreciating james’ freckles, absolutely lovely! 

im sure there’s more but im tired now. i hope your day gets better soon anon!

Okay here's the thing

I've been having a really hard few months.

I was denied for disability and had to appeal it.

My "best friend" decided I was TooMuch™ to handle and told me he didn't want to be friends with me anymore. Which sucked. It still sucks tbh.

Multiple people in my family have died recently and everyone around me has been super sad while I've just been dealing with my emotions about it in a very idk, brain-weird way, and I've felt helpless to comfort those I care about.

And my health is getting worse, not better.

But... Markiplier's videos are literally a huge part of what's kept me hopeful/happy through this.

And his inspirational videos (I say we call him Inspireiplier btw and just make him a new Ego tbh), like the 'Thank You' video he just made, always manage to make me feel hopeful.

But this was was really what I needed and I just...

I really, really really times 100 really want to be a youtuber.

Like... everything about it seems awesome. It seems perfect for me even.

I've always been really good at presentations and making and editing videos was one of my literal favourite things to do back in school.

And by good I mean I won first place in two contests and always got a hundred on any presentation and stuff like that, you know?

Like I'm not bragging because school stuff doesn't really matter but I'm just saying that it came naturally to me.

I think it was because it was just flat out scripting, and it put me in control?

I mean I was nervous, sure, but I was also the first to go first, unless I was putting finishing touches on my project.

I just... I loved it. I had a script that allowed for different things to happen without me being thrown by them, I included the audience etc, etc.

... but for a few years now... since, what, 11th grade I guess? So for like, 6-ish years or so,

my chronic illness(es) have steadily gotten worse and worse.

And my self confidence/self esteem have just plummeted.

To an all time low.

I'm afraid to put myself out there. What I lost in self confidence I made up for in anxiety and paranoia.

I hardly even use my blog anymore just out of fear of being Doxxed or something.

I mean, if you peeps were ever wondering why I stopped posting, that's why. Severe paranoia.

That fear has been going on for a while now too...

I feel so paranoid sometimes that I can't do anything.

Like I'm frozen by the fear that somehow I'll do something wrong. Or somehow, I'll get hurt.

I'm sure that's mostly perfectionism talking.

But those fears haunt me.

But I would love to be a youtuber so much but I think I just don't know how to accommodate myself.

Like... I'm constantly dizzy/fainting/in pain and I don't know why or how to stop it so I spend more than 75% of my day laying down.

Which is definitely not as fun as you'd think. :/

And I'm always convincing myself no one would watch a youtuber whose laying down.

Or no one would watch a youtuber whose always talking about being Autistic.

And I know those things aren't true. They just aren't. There are a lot of amazing disabled youtubers that I follow.

But "you are your own worst enemy" was a saying made for me.

But it's just...

I literally, ever since I began really watching youtubers, have been mentally writing scripts for episodes.

And yet I'm always stopping myself.

Always terrified, or insecure,

always planning on waiting until I get disability (it's been a year and a half -_-)

or waiting till I get a diagnosis and get treatment (it's been 22 years)

Or waiting to paint my room

Or all the other 'waiting' out there

I'm not 100% sure why I'm writing all of this out,

other than because Mark's 'Thank You' video made me super emotional,

But I guess I just really want to try.

I want to try to make a video.

To make a YouTube channel.

To be a youtuber.

I really want to try.

And I guess maybe I feel like if I write it down, put it out there... maybe I will try?

Idk... I just felt really inspired by what Mark said...

I felt inspired by how Mark felt too.

He felt proud of himself.

He felt overwhelmed and overjoyed by the amount of fans he has, and he was genuinely touched by our excitement at his content.

I want that.

I want to be proud of something I've created.

I'm a type of person who has huge plans and never accomplishes any of them.

I've always been that way.

I know it comes from a horrible mixture of mental illness, disability, chronic illness and chronic pain

But I loathe it.

I loathe the fact that I never finish things.

I despise that with every fibre of my being and I want to commit to changing it.

So yeah... I just needed to write this.

I really hope I'll stick to that commitment.

Even if it's slow, if it takes months or years, if I stick to it at some point I'll be happy with myself.

So I just... I hope one day, maybe not soon but one day some of you peeps see me on YouTube and your like wow I followed her on tumblr.

That'd be cool I think. Really cool tbh.

You mentioned fucked up weird AUs in your one post? I'm interested. Tell me about your favourite one(s)!!

AAAaaaah thank you so much!!

Uhhhhhhh heck most of them involve N turning into some horrible Thing because he’s the Estranged Outsider with a Connection to the Bad Guys Even If It’s Not Willingly (yknow like how Eren from snk is a titan shifter or Rin from blue exorcist is part demon) and all of them involve vuvuzelashipping (Nxall the Nuvema lot) I don’t really have a single favourite but I’ll summarize the ones I like most (also note that some of them are good dad Ghetsis/Dadsis aus because u gotta balance out the angst somehow plus dadsis aus are Cool)

Under the cut because I literally can’t summarise for shit and I’m sure no one wants to scroll past 3 pages worth of this (mobile users I apologise since the app is SHIT and refuses to even acknowledge these) 

Also here’s a bit of an index so u can skip to ones that sound interesting instead of going through them all but first u should ask nationalharmonica about her aus bc I love all of hers and they’re awesome and need more love and she also helped with alot of these aus too!! ESPECIALLY the Dragonflower au which I won’t include here because I think she has it on her blog somewhere already.  If ur wondering why I haven’t posted any of these it’s because a) i have neither the skill, time or patience to draw up proper references for all of the characters involved and b) I’m always worried theyll seem too Out There for some people but here we go au masterpost i guess, if anyone reading would like more info feel free to ask!!!

Bacterial Contamination inspired au aka bacterial pestileNce

BotW au

Ib au

PMMM au (the longest one)

Plasma/Aether swapover, N wins+UB monochromeshipping au

Simple fNaf dadsis au

sister locatioN dicksis au (yes I have two for that because I only found out about the secret springtrap cutscene at the end of SL that changes everything the other day)

Nombie (dadsis) au

isolatioN au- Au based on the song Bacterial Contamination.  N goes to the snobbiest most pretentious school you can imagine only because his ex mafia boss dad wants the best for him.  N hides the fact he’s being relentlessly bullied until a teacher phones Ghetsis up asking why N is in such a state whenever he comes into school (BC bruises and cuts and looking roughed up in general).  N goes to therapy and gets meds but surprise they’re an experimental drug and he’s a bug boy now

- BotW au where Touya is Link, Cheren as Revali, Bianca is Mipha and Touko is Zelda.  Ghetsis (who is kinda like Demise if he hung around to make sure his curse worked) is the king of a neighboring region who’s a bit of a warmongering asshole but his son N is friends with princess Touko and her…ahem, associates, which is the only reason Touko’s dad stays civil with him at all.  He uses this to his advantage and infects N with the Malice and reveals his plan to take over Unova, knowing fine well that N would run away to Touko for help.  The truth is he’d set up N to be a ticking time bomb and eventually he becomes the Calamity.  After the whole ~100 year coma and releasing the divine beasts~ thing Touya only remembers who N is after killing him but dw there’s a blood moon just as Touko is sealing the Malice away and N’s freed spirit is brought back to become a friendly giant fluffy spider boy just because I said so

- Ib au with N as Mary (obv Ghetsis is Guertena) except instead of going crazy and trying to kill everyone and being burned up and dying himself the toutous make him sit in the frame while they drag it out of the portal to the real world: problem solved.  I have all this stuff about the others being able to step into his frame but he can’t leave unless someone else draws him so he can possess the drawing but I won’t go into it here BC this post is gonna be long enough already

-Okay I have two madoka aus because possibilities for N are Ndless but I’ve only really developed the dicksis version whereas I only have a witch design for a possible dadsis version so here’s the dicksis one.  The first: Ghetsis is kinda like Walpurgisnacht and N was originally a familiar that represented Ghetsis’ interest being only in things that directly oppose him who was becoming powerful enough to become a witch of his own.  Not wanting him to have even a fraction of power himself Ghetsis transformed him into a human shape, gave him sentience and intelligence and as close to a pure heart as possible so he would be easier to manipulate and led him to believe that magical girls/boys hunt down innocent witches for fun and have witches trapped in their soul gems and tasks N with stealing people’s soul gems to ‘free the witch inside’.  The problem is that the alteration gave N the mindset of ‘innocents who aren’t involved must be protected at all costs’ rather than Ghetsis’ mindset of ‘don’t give a fuck about anyone unless they’re a problem’.  N is also sent to integrate into human society so that he can find magical peepos easier so he ends up coincidentally going to school with the Nuvema kiddos.  He ends up becoming friends with them until he finds out Cheren and Bianca are magicas (I’m just gonna call them that for simplicity) but even though the toutous arent magicas they still support them which is all very upsetting and conflicting for N but he tries his best to protect the witches and steal more soul gems until the others eventually call him out on it and prove to him that the shit Ghetsis told him is bull.  When he goes to confront him about it it’s too late, Ghetsis has absorbed enough witches to become a Walpurgisnacht-like entity, and finally allows N to become a witch.  I’ll link the drawings I’ve done of him but basically his labyrinth would be like a puppet theater and even tho hes the witch he’d have this fuckin giant messed up ghetsis-lookin puppet master familiar who pulls at his strings and coordinates his attacks.  There’d be an audience of masked figures that look like all the magicas he’s caused the deaths of, tiny animals with scissors to represent his wish for freedom and also his fear of his ‘father’ since they never actually get to cut the strings holding him up, and figures that look a heck of a lot like the nuvema kiddos watching in a balcony.  This is all tied into a theory I came up with that almost all the witches are able to be saved since yknow how Homura had that figure of Madoka locked away and Madoka was able to bring her back, and how Sayaka had the violin guy and Charlotte had that doll that probably represents her dead mother? My guess is that if the people those figures represent are brought to the witch and reach out to them the magical girl inside would be able to be freed.  But yeah since N was never really a human the Nuvema kiddos can only really save a fraction of his conscious and he ends up like Bebe.  They all beat the shit out of Ghetsis and everyone lives happily ever after with their pocket witch bf

- the au where 1) plasma and aether are sort of swapped around and 2) N beats the toutous in the final battle.  This is actually based on nationalharmonica’s courtesaN au which is awesome BTW (but it doesn’t involve actual courtesans or N being a courtesan at all but its Sarah’s au so if you’re interested you should totally ask her about it).  Ghetsis keeps Touko and Touya prisoner and just to rub it in their faces blackmails Cheren and Bianca into joining and doing sciency experiment shit which ends up with Touko and Touya becoming UB fusions/hybrids themselves; Touya with Kartana and Touko with Celesteela.  Ofc in the later stages they are able to destroy their place of confinement and escape with Cheren and Bianca to find N who becomes understandably fucked off and upset that his friends have been put through all this shit but begs them not  to kill Ghetsis so he can ask what’s going on.  When he does Ghetsis stabs him with a syringe full of UB fusion shit because he knows fine well hes gonna die he just wanted a final ‘fuck you’ before he is killed by both fire and paper cuts.  Surprise! It’s a Guzzlord.  N becomes a big squishy boy. I’ve done drawings of N in human Guzzlord fusion/hybrid form but I’ve been afraid of posting it but uh if anyones interested i will

- Simplified fNaf dadsis au - basically N and the Nuvema kiddos are the ones that were killed and stuffed in the animatronics, Ghetsis owns the place but risks going bankrupt pouring money into helping find the culprit and also his son and his friends when they’ve been stuck in the one restaurant he kept open to stay afloat.  Nate is the new nightguard and they decide to fuck with him to get rid of some of the boredom of being alone together in the one building for like…30 years or so.  In the end they fess up and make Nate pizza as an apology and they’re chill again

- sister locatioN dicksis au - I already summarised a thing i wrote of it in response to an anon but I’ll include here too.  Once again Ghetsis owns all the shit with the animatronics.  Anthea and Concordia get killed by one of them when they were young so years later Ghetsis sends N down to ‘free’ them (surprise he only wanted to get rid of N) but since their spirits have been fused into one hideous amalgamation of animatronics they’ve gone a bit loopy and want to leave.  The whole scooping room thing ensues and they accidentally turn their brother into a zombie

- Nombie au bc Z is a sideways N heheh I ahven’t thought up much of the background for it but it involves Plasma being a pharmaceutical company that is sort of accidentally being the cause of it.  N gets separated from his dad who ends up being the leader of a large group of people in a little town sort of thing they were able to reclaim but is Sad bc he thinks his son is dead which ends up being half true bc surprise N is half immune and ends up being a conscious zombie boy who wears a curtain as a cloak so he doesnt immediately frighten people bc he got his eye shot out by hillbilies, his face scratched up, his throat bitten out and his heart impaled on a pole (hes a freak without a human heart geddit) zombie apocalypse stuff happens

- isolatioN au - basically spawned from the thought of ’what if N was kept even more hidden away/locked up/never even left at all’.  Plasma is instead secretly in the Pokemon poaching/hunting/selling business but are disguised as…well you already know about Plasma.  The nuvema kiddos had varying levels of rough childhood and were desperate for money so they all joined up; the toutous as night guards and the dualrival s as researchers.  Hidden deep in the facility is a certain tree haired manchild who has been kept in a cage for pretty much his entire life.  Ghetsis does a mother gothel and makes out its to keep him safe and brings him Pokemon to ask about where they live and what other kinds of Pokemon live there so that Ghetsis can release them safely back into the wild go hunt for more Pokemon in the area if there’s anything good there

There’s a few more that I have but I won’t include them because im worried it’d be a waste of time if no one takes interest in any of these but uh thanks for asking and reading if you did!!!

July 21: ALIE/Raven Rock

(I find it hard to read Raven Rock without thinking about The 100, so here’s a bit of a rant inspired by that.)

Among my many problems with the ALIE story line is that it separates the universe of the show pretty much entirely from our actual world, which makes the show/its universe both more shallow and less interesting than they could have been.

By which I mean: the horror of stories set in the post-nuclear-apocalypse is that they are so scarily plausible. For 70+ years now nuclear war has been a possible thing that (some of) the nations of the world are very literally capable of engaging in. But even more than that, the fear of nuclear war, and the understanding that it isn’t just a military fantasy, has shaped so many aspects of our modern world, that even if you’re not thinking about nuclear weaponry at any given moment, you’re still living a life influenced in uncountable ways by the realities of the post-nuclear world. It’s deep in our way of life.

So, yes, there are different types of dystopias, and they play to different fears and have different roles in our collective imagination, and not all of them have to be scarily plausible (I like a good zombie apocalypse too ngl)--but this story, first in the original books and then in the initial two seasons of the TV ‘verse, settled itself in the specific fear of this very particular and again very plausible type of warfare, and I feel like it’s a bit of a cheat to pull the rug out from under all of that and say “oh actually it was a rogue AI.”

A rogue AI isn’t like the most impossible thing ever, I mean I know work in AI is real. But come on, what do you think we’re closer to today in 2017: a nuclear war or an ALIE type AI? There’s a reason JRoth referred to S3 as going “more sci fi.”

It’s not just that I feel like a certain story telling contract was broken--I do feel that, and I think some of the turns in the last two seasons are materially different from a Wild Twist or the natural evolution of a story, but that’s a different rant and it’s too late for me to tangent. My problem with JRoth et. al. veering off into a “sci fi” (calling this show sci fi still makes me break out into hives, but that’s yet a THIRD rant) explanation is that, in doing so, they really relieved themselves of reckoning in any way with the connection between their story and our world.

A nuclear-war based story, even one that takes places years after The 100 does, that is in any way interested in interrogating its reason for existing or even just, like, basic world building, should contend with the realities of the actual post-nuclear war in which it was created. Part of that is saying: how did this fictional world come to be? How did we get from here to there? And if we follow that path, what would we, or the people who follow us, have to live with? Picking a completely arbitrary and random explanation instead of any number of totally and terrifyingly plausible backgrounds is cutting yourself off from having to contend with anything about the world in which we live, with any sort of RL collective guilt or fear. It’s also frankly less interesting.

Reading Raven Rock has inspired all of these thoughts, or at last brought them more to the surface and helped me articulate them, because the true story of our post-nuclear world is SO much more fascinating than anything I’ve seen in this show, and uncountable millions of times more engaging than anything in the ALIE story line in particular. The complex political-military machinery in place to contend with nuclear threat or attack, the continuity of government plans, the bunkers, the pre-written emergency orders, the secrecy, the codes, the huge number of people involved, the vast bureaucracy and literally underground infrastructure, the cultural preservation, the unstated moral assumptions underpinning all of these plans--it’s fascinating! And to The 100′s credit, S2 did touch on this stuff with Mt. Weather, if only in the most cursory and background way (literally mostly through the prop department lol, though I guess if you’re being generous the Wallace family and some of the hinted at history kind of fits into this grander narrative), but all of that was basically cut off and made all-but-moot by ALIE and the S3-S4 back story.

Yes, governments would have to respond to nuclear attack started accidentally by an AI just like they would an attack started purposefully by an enemy state, but come on: by saying a program fucked up you’ve pretty much absolved all of humanity from complicity in its own nuclear annihilation. I guess indirectly if we hadn’t developed the weapons in the first place, we couldn’t shoot ourselves in the foot with them but that’s a stretch. And you could blame Becca and her crew for the most inept AI program ever written (that’s another of my ‘many problems’ with it btw: who the fuck makes a program’s core mission “make life better”??), but that’s also a problem. First of all, Becca and a handful of scientists is a much smaller group to place blame on than, like, everyone involved in the world’s nuclear programs even today. And second, who is she? Who does she work for? A private company? Don’t get me wrong I fucking hate capitalism and Big Corporations too but let’s be real, if the nuclear apocalypse rains down on us it won’t be Random Incorporated Entity who’s responsible. This is the stuff of big shadowy government. (And as an aside: if you ARE going to go with Shadowy Entity Inc. you gotta like actually develop that story line, which has yet to happen on the show but again, another rant for another day.)

When I first watched S2 with my mom, we got to the big massacre of 2x16, and I looked over to her to see what her reaction was. Because it was the second time I’d seen it and the first time, it made me rather emotional; I mean it’s a sad scene, for Maya’s death alone. And she just shrugged it off and was like “Well they deserved it!” I thought she meant ‘for torturing children,’ which is a legit position but she actually meant ‘because their ancestors created this universe in the first place.’

Well psych they didn’t--it was some random poorly explained computer program!

Okay then.

Miraculous Ladybug Twins AU Headcanon

I posted this on FF awhile ago so I though I should post it here too; Hello fellow LadyBug and Chat Noir fans. Welcome to the story. This my first fanfic so I can't wait to see how this turns out. This will not be a cohesive story but rather a compilation of short stories about the lives of Marinette, Marín, Adrien, and Audrey. This is an AU story that depicts Marinette having a twin brother named Marin and Adrian having a twin sister named Audrey. The following headcanon mainly apply to Marin, Audrey, their personalities, and their relationships. Btw this AU is actually inspired by a comic dub on YouTube so go check that out, it's called: "Twins AU" Miraculous Ladybug Comic Dub EDIT: Here's the Comic: http://yaushie.tumblr.com/post/157083317009/another-dumb-miraculous-au-from-yours-truly And here's the dub: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DroijYIpz6Q&feature=youtu.be Please support the original artist guys! Headcanon list: Both sets of twins share their miraculouses. Half of the time it's female lady bug half of the time it's male ladybug. Same applies to Chat Noir. By pure coincidence most of the time when the twins switch out its Marinette fighting along side Adrien and Marin fighting alongside Audrey. They has been a few instances of different pairings. Marin and Marinette are the same age but Marin acts like the protective older sibling. He has a level head and always has Marinette's back. Marin and Marinette share a room however Marinette has just a little bit more space than Marin does. He continued to offer her a bit of space for her fashion stuff but now it's begun to escalate. Marin doesn't like to admit it, but he's a great artist and he secretly wants to pursuit a career in art. Marin and Marinette always help around the backers when ever they can. Marinette prefers to work the counter and stay in the shop Marin enjoys making deliveries. Marin saved his birthday money every year and eventually saved enough to by a moped. Marinette constantly asks him for rides to go meet up with her friends. Marin is childhood friends with Audrey. They met once when they were little and would keep in touch. Now that she attends the same school as Marin they hang out more often. Marin does have a crush on Audrey but he isn't as flustered about it as Marinette's crush. He fears more that if Audrey rejects him that it would ruin their friendship. Marin had to get his ears pierced in order to wear the ladybug earrings. He did not have a pleasant time. In addition, he never told his parents so it wasn't a good night at home either. When Marin is Ladybug he is constantly mistaken for a girl. This is because his sister was the one to debut the costume. He can't stand being called a woman while in his Ladybug outfit. If it was an honest mistake he'll keep his cool and explain. If it's out of hate or spite he looses it. There is a little girl in Paris (8 years old maybe) who is absolutely in love with Marin's Ladybug. She always offers him flowers whenever they meet. Marin has a soft spot for this girl so he always allows her to put a flower in his hair whenever they meet. This does not help the girl misconception. Marin and Marinette sometimes fight over who gets to be Ladybug or at the very least who gets to hold to the miraculouses. They tried swapping every week but crime is unpredictable. So are there schedules. Marinette's Ladybug about 57% of the time. (This is directly taken from the dub) Marin and Marinette cover for each other all the time. Even going as far to put on costumes and pretending to be the other. Marin and Audrey find out each others identity. This doesn't affect their relationship too much. However for the sake of their twin's friendship they keep this a secret from their siblings. Marin doesn't like to admit it but when he was younger he used to have a crush on Chloe. Purely based on looks though, he knows better now. Marinette will tease him on this every so often. When Marinette's is Ladybug Marin always does his best to be of use. He'll get bystanders to safety, cover Marinette whenever she's about to transform, even contribute to the fight if things get desperate. Marin is a bit protective of Marinette. Always coming to her aid. He's also the logical sense of the duo, if something crazy happens and people just accept it he'll be that one guy who questions it. Time for the Chat Noir Headcannons: It's a personal headcanon but I'd like to think Audrey is a quite protagonist. She does speak but not very often. She like to reflect and is a bit more introverted than Adrien. Audrey and Adrien both do modeling but Audrey isn't too fond of it. She does it because she fears talking back to her father. Audrey isn't allowed to take fencing however she watches Adrien practice and has learned a bit about it from the sidelines. Audrey has a little more control over her dissensions than Adrien does. In this AU she has a huge hand in convincing her father to allow Adrien to go to school. Audrey was allowed to go to school a year or two before Adrien. Her father wants her to run the business aspect of the company. He felt social interaction may help with that. Audrey used to attend an uptight preparatory school. She transferred when Adrien was allowed to go to school. Gabriel did this in order to keep a close watch on both of his kids. Audrey would like to study Architecture. Audrey's silent persona can be contributed to the loss of her mother. People ask Adrien why his sister is so quite all the time. This confuses him a lot. His sister is a total blabbermouth when he's around. When she was little she snuck away from her nanny in order to go to the park when Miran and Marinette were playing. She bumped into him by accident, fell, and hurt herself, Marin gave her a bandaid and helped her up. That's how they met. Audrey absolutely adores puns. She constantly encourages Adrien to say'em. Audrey has a slight allergic reaction around cats, ironically, when she comes into contact with a cat her skin gets a small rash. As Chat Noir she gets a lot of fanboys, every so often she'll stop mid battle to wave at them or blow them a kiss. Audrey loves to mess with Miran Ladybug and joke around with him. After finding out who he was she had even more material to work with. Audrey once convinced Adrien that after transforming to Vhat Noir she was starting to turning a cat. She'd play with yarn, eat a lot of tuna, and said Nya after every sentence. After the cat prank she'll say Nya after a few of her sentences just to mess with Adrien. Audrey loves nature and if she could, would spend all her time in the park. Miran drew a pic of a park during class but threw it out, Audrey saw this kept the picture. She has it framed right above her desk. Audrey notices and absolutely adores that Marinette has a huge crush on her brother. She tries her hardest to "subtly" hook them up. When in a really bad mode Audrey will steal the Cat miraculous and go out on her own. If not she'll sneak her way to the Cheng's and hideout in Marinette and Marin's room. Chloe tries to hang out with Audrey in order to make it look like she cares about his family. Audrey CANT STAND CHLOE. Adrienne will try to defend her sometimes but Audrey 100% despises her. Play takes advantage of Audrey's naivety. He constantly asks her for cheese and she always gives him a mountains worth. This kinda upset Adrien. Audrey and Adrien have a better schedule when it comes to sharing their miraculous. Plague joking says he prefers Audrey over Adrien as Chat Noir cause she always gives him cheese with out question. Audrey is t as witty as her brother so sometimes she'll google cat puns to shout out in the middle of battle. Sometimes, if a pun is too good, she'll shout them repeatedly even if it has no relevance to what she's actually doing. That's all for now, hope you enjoyed. BTW I'll start writing my own scenarios but if you have a story idea you want written out then please, feel free to comment it. Thank you all, HAVE A MIRACULOUS DAY!

THIS POST WILL BE UPDATED

If some of you have seen a previous post where I mentioned some screenplay ideas that I had and I thank those that responded really positively! So if you don’t know, I want to go into my masters into screenwriting. In comparison with the music training I have, I have almost no official screenwriting training (besides a couple of classes). I know one of the best ways to get better at writing in general is to ask people to read your script. However, since I know everyone is busy (and I’m really bad at asking people because I’m an anxious piece of shit)  I know not everyone is up for this. However, it would help a lot if a couple of people would read it over and tell me if you would watch this on your TV or in the theaters. You don’t have to edit my writing skills (which is much appreciated though!) you just need to tell me if you would watch it or not. And if you would not, what would you do to make it better?

I know I could ask friends, which I will, but one of the best advice I’ve ever heard is ask the general public, people you don’t know very well, and see what they think. So that’s where you come in. I know everyone has different taste in movies and TV so I don’t expect everyone to read everything I have to offer. 

Anyway, if you are interested, either comment here or message me and when the script is done I can send you the draft and you can read it over. So here are the scripts I am working on/would like to finish eventually. (and please signal boost this if you can. you may not be interested but someone out there might!) 

Title: Flowerboy/Format: Short film/Genre: Fantasy, psychological, drama, tragedy/Synopsis: A boy witnesses a tragic death of his brother and will do anything to prevent that from happening, even time traveling. As he spends his whole life traveling back in time to save his brother, flowers start to grow on his body…./Extra notes: One of the main characters is transgender, I envisioned this as a prologue to another main story idea I had where it would be in the POV of the brother that died, I listened to BTS’s Spring Day and I Need U while coming up with this story

Title: King Ferdinand/Format: Feature film/Genre: Coming of age, high school, psychological, horror, thriller/Synopsis: Shy and bookish Ferdinand is a new kid at a high school after being in the hospital for almost a year. He looks forward to his new life at his new high school, but everyone seems to treat him as if he doesn’t exist, even the teachers and staff. He tries to find answers when he learns of the school’s horrible tragedy a year ago…/Extra notes: I wrote this script in high school and will be in the process of being edited and rewritten, the story is set in the 90s

Title: Zoey/Format: Feature film/Genre: Coming of age, drama, music/Synopsis: Two music college freshmen named Zoey end up being roommates. Their names may be the same but they are drastically different. One is an aspiring jazz drummer who wants to prove to her family that she can do more than just tabla drumming (Classical Indian drumming) and the other is a young violin virtuoso who has to deal with the pressure of fame and her relationship with her girlfriend. The movie deals with the two girls’ different but similar lives as well as supporting each other. 

Title: For the Dogs (working title)/Format: TV pilot/Genre: Action, adventure, dystopian/Synopsis: In the future, the world is unsafe to live in due to the acid rain and the “zombie” dogs that roam the earth leaving the entire world into an apocalyptic waste land and civilizations begin to thrive underground. The government uses this world’s advantage to throw their prisoners to the surface to see if they can survive for 30 days for redemption. The main story follows a sweet farm boy named Sky who is wrongly accused for a murder. His world is turned around when he has to face this horrible survival game… Extra notes: honest to god was inspired by togainu no chi 

Title: What’s Riot?! (working title)/Format: TV pilot/Genre: Action, adventure, psychological, comedy-drama, crime, mystery, thriller/Synopsis: A young man wakes up with no memory in an abandoned drug store. The only clue he has is a phone (that may or may not be his) with a social media app that lets people talk about the latest news and chat with each other. He uses the chatroom and its inhabitants to help him figure out his identity. He also learns about the weird users behind the app, an infamous gang that wants to erase themselves from existence, a drug that lets people become a different person (literally??), and a murder where no one can find the body anymore. Extra notes: this story is like my baby I had this idea since i was 13, yes it is very durarara inspired, it was going to be set in Japan but then I realized that it would be impossible right now for the current American film company to make this happen so I changed the setting to a fictional LA town and the characters are now all lots of POC

Title: A City with No People/Format: TV pilot (animated)/Genre: Action, science fiction, comedy-drama/Synopsis: Six kids wake up in a video game inspired city where they realize there is no people except for themselves. They try to solve the city’s puzzles (like a video game) to figure out where they come from and how to get out of it. Most of the time, they just like collecting coins and getting a bunch of shiny stuff/Extra notes: this could be a video game too and I’d love to write for video games

Title: Untitled boyband movie/Format: Feature film (animated)/Genre: Music, drama, found footage, mockumentary/Synopsis: Five regular teenage boys are discovered through YouTube and are made into the most popular boyband in the world. The movie will follow the boys’ journey through their social media like Instagram, Snapchat, YouTube vlogs and interviews made by corporate companies. Some of their more personal footage show their raw emotions behind the whole stress and process of being a famous pop star. All of this fame and pleasing the fans... are they who they are anymore? /Extra notes: There’s so many stories behind how these famous pop stars were keeping their “goody” image and then destroyed themselves as fame goes on (Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus, etc) and I really enjoy watching all these vlogs these kpop stars do and wonder if they really are sincere and happy with their lives even though there’s always news discourse saying the fans won’t leave them alone. Also the documentary on Nu’est made me cry

Title: Shattered Looking Glass (working title)/Format: TV pilot or film /Genre: Dark fantasy, horror, fairy-tale, action/Synopsis: The legend goes that dark demons were jealous of the Fairy Royal family ruling over a prosperous kingdom.These same demons had tried to create a mirror for their beloved Fairy King to look into the mirror to see their true self; little did the king know that the mirror posses a “poison” that whoever looks in it sees their worst and becomes their worst selves. The plan was going well until the demons dropped the large mirror and shattered into tiny pieces. These pieces have blown over the kingdom over time and lodge into even the innocent’s heart or eyes, thus only making them see evil. Feared that the Fairy Royal family would find out, the demons took the next heir and kept her in a glass coffin for 100 years. The story follows a gifted mercanary named Wendy who is finally approached by her superior to save the kingdom and find the next Fairy Queen Alice.  /Extra notes: Had this idea for a long time too, I think writing dark fantasy stuff is pretty cool. Btw the mirror idea is something that Frozen could have done!! But nope, too dark for kids.

I dont think the monetizing on your mentally ill page is a bad idea, IF you do it the right way. I think the idea behind spreading the word of mental illness, raising awareness and destigmatizing it is what we need to do. If selling buttons or stickers or shirts or what have you to sell accomplishes this goal then go for it! I would buy a pin that says " __awareness" I would NOT buy a pin that says "SOS my girlfriends bipolar" BUT ur smart and you get it so I doubt you would do that anyway lol

Well considering I have bipolar and bpd and am currently battling stigma from MH professionals yeah I just i see on redbubble the site i use for my vegan designs. Like I looked up bipolar some of it was just horrible like there was these his and hers tops and it was basically correlating bipolar gf w/ crazy etc and i just...idk i find it in v. bad taste especially since i found no evidence to suggest this person has bipolar or any mental illness that is heavily stigmatised. I understand using dark humor to cope but i feel if you are going to sell on the nose dark humor related merch it should be about a disorder you personally have. You know? Also i would not sell even dark humor stuff that uses the word crazy in reference to bipolar. Like when I say dark humor and stuff i mean like i used to follow a blog called self harm shark and some ppl sent it hate saying it glorified it and such but honestly it helped me on tough nights not to cut/not to feel less alone i actually felt less crazy because many user submitted stuff I could relate to and its one of those things where you might think youre alone in feeling this or that and you realise youre not and that is sad sure that someone else experiences it too but it is relieving to know youre not the only one it makes you feel less crazy bcos u realise its not just you so its almost like not normal but its not like youre the only one who experiences it therefore you just idk im not good at explaining it just makes me at least feel less crazy etc. But yeah i mean..idk i just think yeah certain things shouldnt be joked about and i feel like if youre not suffering with said mental illness or dont have a relative or partner or anything with said mental illness you shouldnt really even consider making dark humor or on the nose jokes/humor/memes to sell etc. Cos it comes off as more well..do you actually think that? Are you stigmatising us or thinking these things? Are you trying to make a buck off mental health but you dont care about the mentally ill? You know you just never know someones intentions. I know like for example i woudlnt want to buy vegan merch off someone whose not vegan who doesnt believe in the vegan lifestyle..when I could buy a vegan pin or magnet or coaster set etc from a vegan trying to work hard to make a living its just yeah... I have some designs in mind actually that i have already created for bipolar and mental illness. I actually have one saying my mental illness is not your adjective or something like that. I do have one i created that says ‘bipolar af’ i created it when manic and now ive come out of mania im not entirely sure if its a good idea to sell it or not? I mean im not sure if that is like idk if the as fuck bit makes it sound bad or if it could be misinterpreted and seen as like..the whole using it as an adjective thing like what if people buy it who are like buying it to like use bipolar as an adjective in that terms like you know how people say the weather is so bipolar or quite often bipolar is used to describe someone who just has mood swings or someone who people might define as highly strung or ‘crazy’ idk im not sure if the AF bit makes it seem like thats how its gonna be viewed. I mean to me idk I guess it was just an idea of a shirt or pin etc saying hey im bipolar and you know im not ashamed but in less words...idk if youve noticed but im extremely like anxiety riddled and so worried of being seen as what i despise and that..like worried my designs or words might be misinterpreted or that i might have like a dark humor post or something and maybe it is abit too on the nose or that people might be upset about it or so on. I dont know because no one can police how someone copes with their illness but it is different when that person it putting it out there for sale on pins and stuff you know? Oh btw I am going to be making pins and magnets and other stuff. I am currently working on deciding if i do it through Teepublic/Redbubble or if I use this local manafacturer I found in Leeds (im from good old britland lmfao or brexshitland)  Which might be more costly because Idk that i’d be able to afford to bulk buy the products..i mean I could always do like a uhh thing where whats it called where you have a campaign and you set a limit/target so you say once i reach 100 sales i’ll buy the product and ship it out kinda thing? But idk because i mean what if it takes literally a year to reach 100 sales and people dont want to wait that long. So im not sure...i mean I could do a gofundme maybe but idk how that works..or how to set it up. I really want to focus on my Mental health blog and socials and that combines with my poetry as much of my poetry is mental health related and so recovery related too. So my poetry is less of something i really need to worry about maintaining because i write when i want to when i get inspired or when I need to vent to keep my mental health in check. So i just do it off the cuff as and when and post it to my poetry tumblr. I  have over 500 pieces stock piled that I just need to schedule to my WordPress site. So thats not an issue. So I guess right now I need to work out where to focus iike Mental Health stuff or vegan designs for my Rb or what I could do is just dedicate a day a week to the vegan designs on redbubble as its not very time consuming to create the designs. And then I can upload them like as and when maybe just spend an hour a day uploading designs and making a new instagram post and sharing that on facebook and here.  So then I have 6 days minus an hour a day to work on my mental health stuff which is my main focus and passion tbh. I guess ive been delaying it because ive been strugglign so much lately ive felt like a fraud or felt like i’d be a fraud preaching happiness and recovery and talking about things to help yourself during depressive episodes etc when i was just mooching around watching tv and just feeling blah...you know? I just..I dont know where to start with the mental health stuff and im so afraid of failing and fucking up or being judged and people thinking i suck or like recently i got accused of faking my mental illnesses from a guy in a UK businesses networking group..he sent me a tirade of hate and how he was gonna shame me for being a fake and claimed he had borderline PD and bipolar too and how hes learnt most people fake it and take advantage of the system put in place to help people really mentally ill luckily the admins removed him from the group..but its just..it really got to me you know. My biggest thing is being told im faking it because so many people think borderlines fake their mood shifts because we change happy to suicidal in seconds or at least i do sometimes at my worst..its just hard..i get it can seem attention seeking because we over react to minor issues and arguments but thats literally the definition of our disorder. we are emotionally unstable and we think and like evrything to us is in extremes i love to the max i get angry over reactive to the max i ahve extreme fears of abandonment triggered by slight changes in my relationships w/ people things others might not even pick up on.. idk i got a lot to say and dont know where to start! haha but thank you I will definitely look more into creating mental health based merchandise..