#been thinking about making this the wholeee week
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family portrait
#been thinking about making this the wholeee week#krbay#my art#ebrum family#tiff#tuff#lady like#sir ebrul
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"Slut!" - Lockwood x Reader
A/N: been having a lottt of thoughts about this song. it wasn't what I expected like for a lot of ppl but this is immediately my favourite?? like idk man those hints of her rep era beginning mixed with the emotional vulnerability of being in love mannn im going to be annoying abt this for a wholeee month. Reader is a Fittes agent, wc 5.4k!!
Ch 1 | Ch 2 | Ch 3 | Ch 3.5 | Ch 4 | Ch 5
On paper, her employers had always commended her for her drive for excellence. What was usually glossed over was how it arose from an unhealthy obsession with perfection, not that it mattered. And yet, glowing articles about successful cases were rare and far between. She had led as many successful cases as some of her male colleagues, but those headlines were seemingly too dull for her sex. After all, who wanted to read about a woman showing up the men in her field? So the tabloids started to play dirty, spinning convoluted rumoured love stories from any and every photo of her in the vicinity of a man.
She remembered how devastating the first article was. Instead of publishing one of the many photos of her standing with her team, there was a shadowed, grainy photograph of her talking to their supervisor. She tried to tell anyone who asked her that no, they weren't kissing, not that it would have mattered if it did, but no one seemed much interested in listening. The shame burnt into the side of her face like a scarlet letter. A slut.
Eventually, she decided to just keep everyone at arm's length. Maybe if she kept her head down long enough they'd run out of knives to throw at her. And for a good two years, it somewhat worked, or at least helped. But then she met Lockwood.
She didn't think much of him at first - if anything, she resented his suave, silver tongue and how the press went nuts for his charismatic smiles. He tried to dazzle her with one when they first met, and she nearly scoffed.
"Anthony Lockwood, Lockwood and Co. And you are...?"
"Disgusted."
She tried talking to Barnes, throwing in some less-than-complimentary opinions on Lockwood, but he just waved her off. Eventually, she came around, but only because he was undeniably skilled, and it would have been unprofessional to freeze him out forever.
She remembered the first time he made her smile. Their supervisor was having them sign their case report, so she wasn't even looking at him. He whispered some inane remark which caught her completely off-guard, but it was enough to make her damage the tip of the fountain pen as she choked on a laugh. Her supervisor looked unimpressed, grumbling about the pen, but Lockwood's face had taken on an animated spark.
"Oh, good. I was beginning to wonder if you knew how to smile."
The smile is a foreign feeling on her face. Lockwood gently takes the report from her and starts talking in smooth tones that flow right over her head. She shakes herself and tries to pull herself together, trying to soothe the nervous flutter of her heart. She can only bear catching glimpses of his words and she struggles to string together coherent responses.
But then she hears the vans pulling up. Vans filled with news agencies and their bulky cameras. She's paralysed by a flash of fear and she jumps apart from Lockwood as if burnt, tripping over her words as she forces out some lame excuse of needing to check on her team. Lockwood looks mildly concerned, but she pushes it to the back of her mind.
They meet again a week or two later. She's sitting outside a conference room, waiting for Barnes to finish a meeting, and she realises with a start that the man in the room she's facing is Lockwood. To be fair, she hadn't seen him in an indoor setting before, and he seemed nearly unrecognisable with his typically crisp shirt dusty and wrinkled, with his sleeves rolled up his forearms. She watches him laugh over something with one of his associates as they leave the room, and she drinks in the sight like a man starved. There is something so desperately appealing about the vitality in his face and jaunty movements.
As the smile fades, she recognises the exhaustion on his face; the kind that made her want to do nothing more than stumble home and crawl under the covers. But then he sees her, and he gives her a teasing smile that stokes her spirits. His associate gives her a tired wave and walks out.
"Waiting for me?"
She rolls her eyes and nods towards the conference room. "Waiting for Barnes. Going home?"
He jerks his head noncommittally before sitting down next to her. He looks oddly bare without his coat, and it feels almost too intimate to have him sitting this close to her. She sits up, alarmed.
"What, you need to see him too?"
"You look like you could use some company."
"Lockwood, it could be hours before he's done. Besides, you look like death. Go home, get some rest."
"Joke's on you, I always look like death."
She shakes her head but smiles despite herself. "You're incorrigible."
"Thank you."
They sit in silence for a while, long enough until her breathing evens out. She wonders if he's aware of the way his fingers drum restlessly on his thigh, or the ash coating the side of his face, or how both of those things make him utterly irresistible.
"How do you do it? Stay so young, I mean."
He considers his answer carefully. She takes in the sight of a Lockwood without a ready quip at the tip of his tongue. "I suppose it helps that I'm not singly obsessed with the dead, though it does get close sometimes. Who do you live with?"
"Oh, my family lives outside of London." Thank god. She couldn't imagine the looks on their faces if they heard half of what London's tabloids had to say about her.
"You live alone?"
"Yeah. But it's not so bad. There's a cat that wanders in the street below my flat at night." He doesn't look completely convinced, but he lets it slide.
"Really, I owe it all to my friends - oh, you'd love them. You should come over sometime."
"That's sweet of you."
"Our weekends are generally empty."
"Oh...I couldn't. I don't know where you live."
"35 Portland Row."
"Lockwood," she admonishes. "Don't you think this is something you should run by your friends first?"
"I've done worse."
"I'm practically a stranger."
"Then how else are we supposed to get to know you?"
Her mind tears her away from Lockwood's silhouette, to troubling piles of tabloids dragging her to filth. After months of them, she isn't sure where she ends and where the fabrication begins. She barely manages a whisper.
"I think you'd regret getting to know me."
She doesn't realise how tightly her fist is clenched until he brushes her wrist, and the tension flows out of her. His eyes are liquid and his touch is golden and she's paralysed with dizziness. In that moment, it was enough to be young and in love.
"Only one way to find out."
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She takes him up on his invitation sooner than either of them expected. They had just finished a job at a house just a street over from Portland Row, and her team was walking with Lockwood & Co. on their way to the main street. She pauses as George fiddles with the frozen door while the rest of her team walk on, tiredly waving them good night. But just as she turns to leave, she slips on a patch of ice, falling into a pile of snow while Lockwood lunges for her.
"Dear god, you must be freezing. Come in and warm up."
"It's alright, I can catch a cab home-"
"Y/N, I am not above pushing you back into the snow."
Her laugh morphs into a violent shiver, just as Lucy walks over concernedly.
"Everything okay? Lockwood's not bullying you, is he?" She cracks a small smile, but Lockwood just impatiently ignores Lucy.
"Stay for breakfast. Spend the day. Lucy would love the company. Luce, tell her."
"It would be nice."
"I'm soaked through. I need a change of clothes."
"Lucy can get you a change of clothes. Luce, tell her."
"I can get you a change of clothes."
"I wouldn't want to be an imposition."
Lockwood inhales and turns to Lucy, who smacks the breath right out of him.
"I'm right here, Lockwood. Don't be ridiculous, Y/N, we'd love to have you over." Lucy exchanges a look with Lockwood, but it's so brief she wonders if she's imagined it, but it's just then that George forces the door open, and she gets jostled into their warm and dry home. Lucy helps her dry off and tosses her some clothes, including a spare oversized jumper, before bundling her and setting her down in front of the fire in the library.
It feels wonderfully cosy at first, and she only realises she's dozed off when she wakes up with a crick in her neck and beads of sweat on her forehead and neck. She pushes the blankets off her, sighing in relief as she starts to cool down. She hears the rustle of a page behind her and turns.
Lockwood is sitting in an armchair behind her, tie loosened and sleeves rolled up, a magazine on his lap. He smiles weakly at her, wincing as he rotates his neck. She was beginning to feel convinced that he ate, slept and worked in the same set of clothes. Her voice is gravelly with sleep.
"Still up?"
"Someone had to make sure you didn't roll into the fire. Besides, it hasn't been long."
She squints at the clock hung near the door. Unless the shadows were playing tricks on her, it was only a few hours from dawn. The glance he shared with Lucy earlier flashes in her mind, and she presses him about it.
"Say, you haven't told Lucy anything particularly saddening about me, have you?"
He waffles a bit. "I haven't said anything that isn't true."
"Lockwood."
"Fine...I might have mentioned how you live alone, and that you've only got a cold, dark home waiting for you. Alone."
"I didn't say that."
"So you're saying it's not true?"
She hesitates, and he quirks the corner of his mouth triumphantly. "It's no bother, Y/N. Lucy feels as bad about it as I do - George too. Just let us fuss over you for a while, I promise it'll soothe us."
She relents, but she's not happy about it. She watches him lazily flip through the pages with a becoming interest and decides that it's a nice change from the frantic energy running through him on cases. His eyes stay mostly fixed on the pages, but after a while the way he glances up occasionally makes her think his interest is waning. He looks at her strangely, and she unpleasantly realises that the jumper is likely his. She tugs at the hem, itching to take it off, but she isn't wearing a shirt underneath, so she settles for continuing to profusely apologise.
"I'm so sorry for burdening all of you-"
"Y/N, relax. As long as you're warm."
"Well...I'm awake now. And I won't stay too close to the fire. Aren't you going to sleep?"
"I'm a bit wired after the case. Might take a nap later in the day." He jerks his head towards the door. "My room's just down the hallway if you'd like to get some proper rest."
She flushes; talking about his bedroom while wearing his jumper feels too intimate to bear. "It's okay. I'd rather stay here with...you." She chews the inside of her cheek as soon as she says it, holding her breath as she gauges his reaction.
"That's a relief. I'd rather you be here anyway."
She doesn't understand how he says it so casually when she feels that she might run out of air. She tries to calm herself down, taking deep, long breaths. She could be normal if she tried hard enough. They spend the rest of the night like that, somehow never running out of topics to discuss. He tells her about Jessica. She tells her about her family. It's only as he gets up to get ready for breakfast that she asks him about the magazine in his lap. "What were you reading?"
Now it's his turn to look embarrassed. "Oh, er, I like to keep up with what's happening around town -"
"Is that...a tabloid?" She pulls out one of the magazines sticking out of the pile set to the side and blanches at the headline with a dramatically edited photograph of her. Shame burns the side of her face, and she wishes the floor would just open up and swallow her whole. She had stupidly assumed he hadn't heard of her before meeting her, but why shouldn't he have? The magazines beat her to making a first impression, just like they always have. Just like they always will.
"I can explain."
"No, no, it's fine." Was something wrong with her ears, or did her voice sound a bit too distant? "Lots of people read tabloids. It doesn't mean anything. Anyway, we should get ready for breakfast."
"Y/-"
"Lockwood. I mean it. Drop it." The cut-up look in his eyes is bad enough without an apology. What was he apologising for? For her being such For her being a laughingstock? He bows his head and shuffles out of the library. She stays there, frozen, sitting on the floor, until she hears George rattling about in the kitchen. She walks in, slightly disconcerted by the casual t-shirt Lockwood had changed into. So many of his hard edges and shadows in the the library seemed to soften into a more vulnerable outline that makes her regret snapping at him. She mumbles a greeting and George takes a long look at her. If he notices their matching eye bags, he doesn't comment on it, but while she's making tea, she hears a scuffle behind her and turns to see George standing next to Lockwood with the frying pan alarmingly close to his head.
"Eggs, Y/N?"
Lucy arrives soon after, and begins to spread jam on her toast despite George's aggrieved protests.
"Oh, Y/N, I hope you didn't spend all night on the hard floor. I didn't hear you come up to the attic."
"The attic?"
"Yeah, where the extra bed is." She brandishes her jelly-covered knife vaguely threateningly. "Lockwood told you about it, didn't he?"
The boy in question seems a bit too busy buttering his bread to look up. She mumbles an affirmative, but notices his reluctance to meet her eye for majority of breakfast. Still, she couldn't stay mad at him for long, and it didn't seem awfully polite to, either, not after he opened his home to her.
After breakfast, Lockwood left to scope out a potential client and George headed to the Archives for a bit of light reading, so she and Lucy spend the morning playing board games and watching crappy television while painting their nails. She hadn't felt so alive in months. After a few hours, Lucy suddenly remembers some paperwork she had to complete so while she's busy with that, she wanders around the stairs and hallways, reading every newspaper clipping and looking at every picture, eventually working her way down to the kitchen.
She hears a creak coming from the inside and looks in. Lockwood's returned from his excursion and he shrugs off his jacket, placing it on one of the kitchen chairs as she timidly steps in. He seems just as much at a loss for words as her. She tries to break the ice and, surprisingly, it works.
"Seems a bit full of yourself to litter the halls with your achievements." He gives her a small smile and she revels in the glimmer of success.
"Can't help that I'm especially gifted."
Emboldened, she takes a seat at the table as he pulls out an apple from the fruit bowl and a chopping board.
"Nasty business with the press, isn't it?"
She moodily fiddles with the thinking cloth. "Yeah, well. God forbid a woman be happy."
He looks at her like he's trying to figure her out. The attention makes her fidget nervously. They watch him slice the apple into halves, and then quarters, in silence. "Is that why you're so...highly strung on cases?"
"George tell you to talk to me?"
"Er, yes, but he didn't need to. I'm sorry about earlier, by the way. I have an uncanny ability of putting my foot in it."
"I'd never have guessed." She isn't even being sarcastic. She talks to the apple rather than him. "I hate it. They say all these...awful things about me. Not that I have to tell you." She blinks humourlessly. He sets down the knife.
"Y/N, if you think I believe a word those gossip rags have to say about you, I might be seriously overestimating your intelligence."
She swallows the lump in her throat. It's the nicest thing anyone has said to her in a long while. She never fully acknowledged it because that would mean admitting she cared, that she was weak. But she couldn't help it. She lived life forever looking over her shoulder, so wrapped up in what ifs that she could barely stomach what was, forever worrying that anyone would think it was true. Maybe it was true. Her self-perception contorts and convulses, until she feels strangely formless. But that was the beauty of the moment: hidden away in the dim light of the kitchen, with only Lockwood and God as her witness, she could be anything and everything.
Her hand trembles with repressed emotion. He steadies her by carefully covering it with his own.
And for one beautiful, transcendent moment, she thought she might love him.
She walks home in a pleasant haze, her senses enjoying the reprieve from their constant assault. She ambles by a florist, and she sees a rose. It reminds her of Lockwood. She buys the rose and takes it home, even though she knows she doesn't have a vase for it. Even after a day filled with the most fun she'd had in a while, a restlessness troubles her, making her feel feverish with some invisible affliction. She plucks the translucent petals one by one, holding them up to the setting sun streaming through her windows. She wonders what they would look like in his hair. She winces when one of the thorns break the skin of her thumb. She rubs the smear of blood onto her bottom lip. Looking up at the ceiling, her hair a mess, tangled with the rose petals strewn all over her wrinkled sheets, she realises what it means to be hopelessly and cluelessly lovesick.
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She remembers the first time she cries in front of him. They were on a case at some billionaire's acres-large manor. She ducks under the tape cordoning off the area and freezes, seeing reporters unobtrusively yet steadily setting up their cameras. There had to be some sort of mistake, they're never here this early. Certainly not before they've even started the job. She feels her senses heighten and a faint buzzing teases her ears. She sees Lockwood glance at her and start walking towards her, and she all but flees in the other direction.
She stays a safe distance away from him until the rest of the agents arrive for their briefing. The billionaire's assistant hadn't arrived yet, so they were standing around one of the outdoor picnic tables in the front garden...right in front of the gathering sea of reporters. She tries her best to pay attention but there's a muffled quality to the discussion as she listens for shutter sounds, real or imagined. Her hands grow clammy and her breathing grows jagged as the ominous feeling in her stomach grows. Something very bad was going to happen and it was going to happen soon, she was sure of it.
As if in slow motion, she watches Lockwood reach across to pick up a file from the table beside her on the table, and she feels her panic reach a crescendo as she senses the ripple of excitement in the press. She flinches so badly before he completes the movement that he gets startled, backing away. The question dies on his lips as she walks away, clumsily adjusting her rapier to give her hands something to do. To stop herself from sobbing over the lenses in her peripheral vision.
The press are just as ruthless as they were the last time she made the mistake of not leaving the scene as soon as she had the chance. And still from the chorus of overlapping voices, one made her heart stop dead.
"Y/N L/N, what do you have to say for seducing London's most eligible bachelor?"
She looks around desperately, struggling against waves of despair that threatened to drag her down into the abyss. No one was safe, not even charismatic Lockwood, and it was all her fault for dragging him into her messy life. It wasn’t fair that news agencies chose her life to screw with. She loved him silly with bruised eyes and an aching liver, but she couldn't even look at him properly. She couldn't scrub the image of Lockwood's face from her mind. Hot shame spread from her spine up her neck, an unpleasant prickling sensation. She felt flayed and grotesque, a hundred different kinds of twisted and messed up. Promiscuous on paper, manic in reality, enraptured by what she could never have.
Lockwood finds her sitting on the patchy grass of the backyard, head resting against the wall with suspiciously red eyes. He thinks for a moment before sitting down next to her.
“Hey.”
She’s too busy holding back tears to respond. She despairs internally when she first hears his voice, wishing he didn't care enough about her to follow her. God, they were going to make her pay for this tomorrow. He speaks in a low, soothing voice, but there's an underlying disquiet that comforts her. She'd never have imagined him to feel rattled by the press like she did.
"It all happened so quick, even George didn't realise."
"Doesn't matter. They got what they wanted."
"We'll talk to the assistant as soon as she gets here. We'll refuse to work until they clear out."
She feels an overwhelming amount of relief, not just for his help, but just for him. Sitting here solidly, away from prying eyes, rumours and lies, he felt like a precious secret she wanted to keep. The relief doesn't last long until it gets poisoned into grief. She rasps out an apology.
"I'm sorry."
"What for?"
"Everything." She feels herself shutting down, unravelling at the seams. But then there's this warmth next to her and a solid, reassuring weight across her shoulders. She shakes with mostly silent sobs, not realising that she's crumpled his shirt from clenching it until later. She sniffles into his shirt like a child, and clings to him with the desperation of a drowning man.
He insists that she sits out for the case, and for once, she listens.
The next time they meet is a little bittersweet. She tells him she's being posted outside of London for a month. It's sobering news, even for him.
"A whole month. Well, it'll go by faster than you realise."
"I hope so."
"How're you feeling?"
"Nervous, I suppose." She was dreading it. She didn't know how she ever worked on a case before Lockwood. At first, she thought it was simply because he took attention from the press off her hands. But there was just something about his presence that made the tension coiled in her body unwind. She tries to keep her tone light, but something must have shown on her face because he sighs and throws an arm over her shoulder, steering her away from the crowd of agents, medics and reporters.
"Don't fret. You'll be fine, trust me. You'll have your teammates with you, Barnes is supervising and you know he can't stand the press, and I've yet to read a headline vicious enough to knock you down for good. You're stronger than you realise, you know." She nods glumly, dragging her feet along. She looks up when he pulls away slightly, frowning at her face. He rubs at the furrow in her brow and she feels her face heat up.
"I said to not fret. You have everything you need." That earns him a weak smile, and though he doesn't look entirely happy with it, he can see George looking around for him. She watches him walk back as he mouths 'one month' to her, trying to smile encouragingly. The sun has started to rise, and the dusk casts a soft purple glow on his hair. She mumbles her response to the wind.
"What if...all I need is you?"
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The month drags by painfully, but it finally ends. She packs her bags and takes the first train to London, just in time to join Lockwood for a case after a bit of begging at Barnes' feet. The job is at another mansion, but somehow even more extravagant and sprawling than the last one. It's bathed in a soft bubblegum pink glow, spilling out into its lawns and hedges and fountains.
She watches him explaining something to one of her colleagues, making some light sketches on the report. He looks exactly the same if a little haggard, yet older somehow, and it tugs at her heart. She had heard that this was supposed to be the last of a particularly tedious string of connected cases, and it had clearly taken a toll on him. Her heart skips a beat at the boyish glow that washes over his features when he sees her.
"...and for the Limbless George was sa- you weren't supposed to be back till Sunday!"
She flushes, beaming excitedly. Part of her wants to hug him, but another part is too scared to, so she contends with her smile.
"We finished early, and I wore Barnes down eventually. Now, what's this about a Limbless?"
The case goes more than smoothly with the extra help of her and her team, and they end up finishing comfortably before midnight, though not without a few minor mishaps. She finds Lockwood with his sleeves and trousers rolled up, dangling his legs in the pool, scrubbing at his hands.
"Wet cement," he grunts as a greeting, looking peevishly at the not-so-clearly cordoned off patch of wet cement. "Ought to have told us. Someone could have gotten properly injured."
"Oh, who'd be silly enough to fall into that?"
"Let me rephrase that: Quill Kipps could have gotten properly injured."
She laughs, turning to add her own handprint next to his in the cement. She smiles coyly as she tenderly scrapes the residue of her palm. He leans in, then stops, sniffing curiously.
"Is that...smoke?"
"Had a bit of an incident with a salt bomb. Someone threw it in the wrong direction."
"Ah."
They're interrupted by a loud whoop from the other end of the pool. A couple of Fittes boys had broken into the liquor cabinet and were now the proud owners of three preciously high-end bottles of champagne. She tried to look at them reprovingly, but couldn't find it in her.
"Oh well. We'll put that down under property damage."
One of her teammates scurried over to clarify a discrepancy in her paperwork, and she leaves to sort it out. By the time she's back, Lockwood's tie is loosened and he's swaying along to some invisible music.
"Y/N! You've got to try some of this stuff, it's grrrreat!"
She shakes her head bemusedly. "Lockwood. How many glasses have you had?"
"Oh, just one." He blinks at the glass in his hand. "One and a half." He drags her in briefly, whispering into her ear. "Besides, what happened to being young?"
Her heart hammers as soon as she feels the tug on her wrist; she's never even touched him in public before. She scans the scene reflexively, but no one seems to have noticed. She supposed getting drunk and making ill-thought-out decisions was the youngest she could be, so she decided to have a little sip.
"Clink?"
"I don't think you're supposed to say it."
He makes a face, clearly more tipsy than he was letting on. "Whatever. I'm saying it."
Still, she humours him, and he looks at her with shameless adoration. Even while well on the way to getting drunk, there was an endearing tilt to his swagger and rosy cheeks that made his youth a delectable luxury. She takes a sip, then another, and then tries to drown herself in champagne, anything to distract her from the way he stole her breath, the fizz electric under her thrumming skin.
They return to where they were sitting earlier, watching some of the more boisterous agents splash into the pool. Someone manages to switch off the harsh floodlights overlooking the pool, washing everyone's outlines with a tangerine glow from the orange neon lights. They talk about their month apart, then catch the eye of the other in a way that makes them both look away, and the cycle repeats.
"I've missed you."
She can't tell which of them says it first, only that the yearning in her voice mirrored his. The look in his eyes scares her yet appeals to her daring all at once. He doesn't say anything, but he doesn't have to.
"We...I...couldn't. It'd go horribly wrong, and you'd hate me, or they'd double down and it'd blow up in your pretty face."
"I'll take my chances." He says it so casually that it stings.
"This isn't exactly bearable for me either, you know."
The background noise fades away, and suddenly speaking at normal volume is too loud. She whispers, as if he might not hear if she's soft enough. "You give me your bed and twist your neck dozing in an armchair. You stick up for me when I'm too weak to stick up for myself. You pull me in when I'm breaking down and hold my fractured pieces together. I can't help but love you." He follows her line of vision to the camera lens peeking through the wall of foliage, not as sneaky as it was trying to be.
"And if I didn't know any better, I'd say you were in love with me."
He inhales roughly, and she recognises his unsteady breathing.
"Are you...?" Lockwood's voice makes her tear her eyes away from the lens, and focus on his soft brown tired eyes.
"...Might as well. Right?" She tries to hide how badly she needs his acknowledgement. He searches for something in her eyes she's not sure exists. Her heart is in her mouth as he tenderly covers her hand, and suddenly she's sitting at the kitchen table at Portland Row again; unsure and raw and hoping against hope for a love like his. He strokes the back of her hand with him thumb, deep in thought, as if soothing her, or maybe telling her to stop, breathe and think about this horrible decision.
"They'll publish the most horrible things tomorrow."
"I thought that didn't matter."
"Not to me. But it does for you."
"It's worth it. You're worth it."
He closes his eyes, and she watches his eyes shift restlessly behind his eyelids, as if fighting a losing battle. "They'll give you hell for it."
She whispers into his mouth. "Damned if I do, damned if I don't. They're watching either way."
His lips twitch. Her eyes flutter close. She inhales the space between them, their noses softly bumping against each other as they tilt their heads.
Slut.
She leans into him and her lips part as he deepens the kiss. She feels the tangerine neon light burn into the expanse of her exposed skin from her neck to her shoulder.
Slut.
She feels a hand on her lower back as she wraps an arm around his neck, craning her neck upwards. The kiss is equally delicious and bruising, and she feels herself getting drunk on his touch.
Slut.
The pressure on her lips fade and he pulls away, giving her the choice to back out. In the span of a second he shifts from a hazy sunset to the deep aquamarine pool in front of them, and then she's leaning in and devouring him like they could never be close enough.
Slut.
Her mind holds the whisper like a promise.
#fanfiction#lockwood & co#anthony lockwood x reader#anthony lockwood x you#lockwood and co#anthony lockwood imagine#fanfic#lockwood and co netflix#lockwood x y/n#taylor swift#taylor swift 1989#1989 taylor's version#1989 tv#1989#slut! taylor’s version#slut!
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AND ANOTHER THING! Going off of my tags on my previous post, outside of me just thinking they're cute I also feel like flowerbyte works better for me purely on a narrative level. One of my biggest pet peeves esp for action movies is when the romantic subplot takes over like half the story without proper development. It doesn't matter WHO it is or how much I like the characters individually I will literally fast forward through every romantic scene if it feels shoehorned in. It makes it so tedious you don't even understand. (Haterism ahead. Well not really 'hate' just mild irritation really. this is looong):
So let's look at Gwen and Miles' relationsip. We start ITSV with Miles basically having a one-sided crush on Gwen. By the end of the film they had just agreed to be friends and have known each other for maybe like a week tops, and *maybe* Gwen reciprocates but it's not extremely clear. Whatever occurs between them in between ITSV and ATSV, we don't see (it's implied that they haven't even seen each other at all for obvious reasons so. oof).
But then we jump into ATSV, and suddenly they're swinging into the sunset talking about how they're "the same"...? Besties. Friends. Niece and nephew. Neither of you know each other dfghjkl
Then the wholeee rest of their scenes together is just the film trying desperately convince us through the music, framing, and even other characters' dialogue that there is romantic (notice how i specify ROMANTIC) tension between these two kids that is just so thick you could cut through it with a butter knife. I'm sorry, but is this tension in the room with us right now...? But okay movie.
Now, compare that to the scene in ATSV where Miles and Margo first bump into each other. They're able to establish romantic chemistry almost IMMEDIATELY! One look and a 'hey'. That's all it fuckin' took! They *both* like each other and it's clear as day.
Then right after, Margo is given a quick implied backstory that instantly gives her and Miles a reason to relate to each other that isn't (necessarily) just about them both being Spider-Man (because, in Margo's words, they're ALL Spider-Man and this means you need more than that to form a genuine connection). Neither of them feel like they can be themselves because their environment at home doesn't allow for it, even without the secret identity. Bada-bing bada-boom instant connection in under 5 minutes and I am still awake by the end of it.
Then, finally, we get a scene that shows that they can, to some extent, trust each other. Margo only just met this dude a few scenes ago, but she immediately goes against Miguel's wishes knowing the consequences and attempts to send him back home because her convictions are stronger than her loyalty to Spider Society. Just that act alone makes her a better ally to Miles than like, half the cast at this point.
...And that creates a bit of a dilemma if Gwiles is meant to be endgame.
As literally everyone and their mother have pointed out by now, Gwen is objectively a bad friend to Miles in this film. But...I would also argue that there are very few instances outside of combat in either film where she's even a *good* friend. And that's sort of the point, isn't it? Gwen has been terrible at friendship for the majority of the time we spend with her because she's traumatized from literally murdering the last good friend she had. Then her dad tried to shoot her. Then Miguel-- you know how it goes. She clearly has a long way to go before even a healthy *friendship* with Miles can start to develop. So that leaves me with a few questions:
A) Why did we wait until the last scene of the SECOND FILM for her to finally decide to be a good friend
B) Why didn't they just give Miles and Gwen more scenes together where they actually get to know each other if their relationship is now so important to the story, and:
C) If Gwen's whole journey is about her inability to maintain strong friendships...Why the FUCK is she the love interest then???
Either we all just got baited, or we are now going to have to spend a decent portion of BTSV watching Gwen try to salvage a friendship that was barely even that developed to begin with, convince the guy whose trust she just lost that she would ALSO make a good girlfriend i guess, and all the while there is now another potential love interest that is clearly, *according to the movie itself*, the better option (or so it seems for now). So like...Where do we go from here?? It just feels like a clumsy narrative decision. And if they do the misogynistic ass 'cat-fight' between two female characters over the main guy I will literally commit a felony. So yeah that's where my head is at right now thank you for reading all the way through my tangent over pixels on a screen sorry everybody
#blabbering#u can disagree but keep it cute#these are just things that don't make sense to ME in MY brain#and again we are only talking about narrative for the most part ship who you want i dont care#.
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ooo ive got some tea for you. im living with three other roommates rn and one of them is this guy who is a nice person but a HORRIBLE roommate. anyway we've been having a pest problem for a while now and i called in some pest control to take a look at it and the guy said we have german cockroaches which are apparently CANNIBALS and regular traps don't work on them which is the WORST. but anyway.
i told my roommates this and the guy who is nice but a bad roommate was like "oh yeah i hate the roaches. im pretty sure they're from roommate X and her boyfriend since they make bread and cook all the time" and i was like well they haven't in a few weeks? you're the only one that's been using the kitchen and making an absolute MESS of it?
the reason this guy is a bad roommate is because he's an absolute slob. he leaves wet clothes in the laundry machine for HOURS while he's at work, makes a mess of the stove (read: BURNS his food on the coils and doesn't clean it up), leaves dirty dishes with food on them for DAYS at a time (record so far is 2 weeks), and will blast music, vacuum, scream, yell, you name it!! at all hours of the night with zero regard for how thin the walls are- and im right next to him </3
anyway, i told roommate X what he said and she was like uh huh yeah its allll my fault, def not the guy leaving his shit out everywhere and refusing to take out the trash
another roommate, roommate Y, lived with the guy for a year before X and i moved in, and she gave us the wholeee run down of what its like living with him. he's a big dude and easily is stronger than all of us girls, so confronting him about his shit is hard (he's punched a wall before- MASSIVE baby behavior imo) and he gaslights the hell out of anyone who tries to hold him accountable for his mess. like literally today when i was telling him about the pest people, and i said we need to be extra clean in the coming days, he was like "oh yeah totally, i always try to wash my dishes, and... you know what, i think i took out the trash too" and he peeks around the corner to see the old trash bag taken out and a new one in and nods to himself all like "yeah i did take it out" WHEN IM THE ONE WHO DID AND TOLD HIM SO BUT HE IGNORED ME
anyway. thats my tea <3 roommate drama sucks, everything is fine so nothing to stress about, but i thought the drama might be something fun for you to giggle about <333 peace and love emily!!
I'm sorry did you say CANNIBAL cockroaches?? 😭
That roommate sounds like the worst. I cannot stand people who are that inconsiderate. And not only inconsiderate but just obnoxiously loud with no regard for anyone else. Like the type of people who will slam their doors closed at night when everyone is sleeping and are somehow oblivious as to how that could disturb other people. Ugh!!
And that's so frustrating that y'all can't even confront him about it out of fear that he might hurt you! That man needs to learn how to take accountability and grow the hell up.
"Yeah, I did take it out." Like sir!! You best get out of my sight rn!!
Bad roommates suck! I hope he skedaddles and leaves y'all to your peace 😩.
#love that tea bc i love raging about inconsiderate people lmao that's literally one of my biggest pet peeves#even on my dating profiles (at least when i have one) i'm basically like ''my biggest ick is when people are inconsiderate''#i don't have time/patience for that. just think about other people my goddd#we live in a society lmaooo#replies
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ok timeline is essentially a really good friend group with some people i’ve been close friends with for ages and others ive always liked forms at school -> we get super close and make plans to go to a concert in september together -> ummm relationship drama between me and my ex girlfriend i broke up with Aka my best friend Aka in the group -> pretty much all my friends side with her without asking me abt what happens but i don’t fully realize this UNTIL… -> …summer hits and they immediately ditch me And i’m depressed staring at the wall the wholeee time -> i start hanging out more with other people during this time and no longer sit with the other group at lunch or even in class which is a big change from being joined at the hip all of last year. but umm i forgot about the concert until one of them texted me the other day and i was like “i’d have to ask my parents but i’d love to!” since i didn’t know what i should do yet i was heavily considering lying abt my parents not letting me just to avoid any awkwardness UNTIL friday i ran into the guy and he was like “hey angie do you know if you can go to the concert?” and i was like “i’d love to i just have to ask my parents and i want to wait until later this week bc i think it would be best, when r u going to buy the tickets?” and he said something like “oh don’t worry i already bought the tickets just let me know what they say if you can’t go it’s fine bc i have other people who want to go so” the first part is blurry but he definitely said the last part and in a tone that makes me think he’d rather those other people go but can’t just uninvite me bc we agreed on it months ago. so now i’m DEFINITELY going maybe that is not very nice But idc Idc u didn’t invite me to shit alllllll summer after we had promised to go partying every weekend and have picnics and then you’d just post it on stupid snapchat like hello. Prepared to create a toxic and unwelcoming environment in the [REDACTED] pit. Im like the joker i thrive off of hatred and negativity🙌
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The Sergeant's Heart +2+
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Plus Size!Reader
Series Summary: Sergeant Bucky Barnes has just joined the 107th, and he’s keen on learning the ins and outs of war from the best medic in the regiment, you.
WC: 6.9k
Chapter Warnings: War violence, some mentions of injuries/medical procedures, mentions of blood, someone may or may not lose an eye and it's ~gross~, a wholeee lot of angst and fluff, and Mitch being an asshole.
A/N: Chapter 2! Thank you so much for your kind words about the first one. :) This time we get to join reader and Bucky on the front lines. Chaos ensues with your friendly dose of fluff. Hope you enjoy!
Series Masterlist / Series Playlist
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The next morning, you walked over to the mess tent to collect your rations for the day. Food supplies had been diminishing as each week passed. For dinner, privates would be assigned to make some sort of concoction they called a meal. More often than not, it was some sort of stew and stale bread. For the day, you got a biscuit and a small strip of salted meat. It didn’t taste great, and half the base had come down with scurvy at least once in the past few months, which was always a fun time for you and the other medics. Still, any food at all was better than nothing.
You just wished they would throw in a damn apple every once and a while.
About twenty or so feet away from the tent a familiar figure caught your eye and you stopped short, eyes narrowing at Sergeant Bucky Barnes handing out rations, a huge smile on his face.
Somehow that smile widened when his eyes landed on you, and he waved you over.
“This guy,” you muttered under your breath as you walked up to him.
“Morning, doll! How ya doin’?” Bucky asked as you approached, handing a bundle of rations to Dum Dum Dugan.
“I’m good, Sergeant, although I’m a bit surprised to see you here doing the work of a Private.”
He chuckled. “Just looking for more opportunities to meet members of the camp. Besides, I figured they’d grow to like me more if I’m the one feedin’ them.”
You smirked. “I don’t know, Bucky. Sure, they won’t starve, but I don’t think anyone is ever excited to be given this stuff to eat everyday.”
Bucky lifted up the rations and grimaced. “Fair enough.” He handed you your goods. “Got any fun plans for the day?”
“What, during a war? I wouldn’t call any of this fun.” You breathed out a laugh and he seemed to brighten ever so slightly at the sound of it. “I gotta go to one of the field hospitals a few miles away to grab more supplies. We’re running low on morphine over here.”
“Do you have an escort? I’m only here for a couple more hours and then I’ve been given the rest of the day to continue to get a lay of the land. Just gotta be back by the afternoon to meet up with my men about going to the front tomorrow.”
All the blood suddenly drained from your face and you fought to remain standing. “The front line? Already?”
“Yeah. I guess there have been some pretty heavy hits and the men are really struggling. They’re in desperate need of some backup. We’re heading out first thing.”
You tried to distract yourself from the panic rising in your stomach. “I appreciate the offer, but I usually go to the hospital by myself. It’s not too far and I’ve done it enough times that I don’t need an escort. Besides, don’t you want to take the day to rest? Get settled before the real chaos starts?”
He smiled. “Nah, I’d rather make sure a pretty girl gets to where she needs to go safely. And maybe get to know her more seein’ that she was forced to listen to all of my stories yesterday.”
You fought back a smile, your dread suddenly leaving you. What a goddamn charmer. “I am definitely hoping to meet this infamous Stevie someday.” You sighed. “Alright, Buck. Meet me at the med tent when you’re all set here and we can head out.”
“Sounds good, Y/n. Enjoy your meal.” He gave you a wink and you felt your heart flutter.
Get it together, Y/n. This is probably how he acts with all the girls here.
You lifted up your pile of rations in thanks and walked away, passing Gretchen as she headed toward Bucky. She narrowed her eyes at you before putting on her best smile for the Sergeant.
“Hey there, Sergeant Barnes,” you heard Gretchen mewl out, and you rolled your eyes as you opened your rations.
You stopped dead as you looked inside the bundle, which revealed the regular piece of stale bread and meat.
And…an apple. It was bruised and wasn’t the correct ripe color you were used to back home.
But it was still the most beautiful damn thing you had ever seen.
You quickly tucked it away into your pack, afraid of any onlookers who would finally get the confirmation they were seeking about rumors of you stealing extra food and therefore not losing as much weight as everyone else. Then you turned back to Bucky, who looked over Gretchen’s shoulder so that his blue eyes met yours, a shy grin spread across his face.
You couldn’t help but mirror it.
+++++++++++++++
It hadn’t taken you long to realize that when in war, you had to find joy in the small things to try to lessen the all-consuming bad that surrounded you.
The heat of the sunshine in winter kissing your face, providing some comfort from the constant chill.
Soldiers singing by the campfire, laughing and sharing stories about home.
The way Dum Dum would light up whenever someone asked him to talk about his wife and kids.
An apple tucked next to a piece of stale bread given to you by a man with blue eyes.
One of your favorite sources of joy was, surprisingly enough, the journey from the 107th camp to the nearest field hospital. How, for a few hours once a month, you got to walk the wooded path in silence. Surrounded by trees instead of tents, the sounds of birds chirping instead of the chaos of a crowded camp, all sense of war gone and forgotten. It was the closest thing you got to peace.
There was a new thing to add to your short list of small joys. It was now at the top of that list actually, and that was the look on Bucky’s face as he gazed up at the overgrown pines. The smile that spread across his lips as he breathed in the fresh air.
You laughed. “Bucky, you look like you’ve never been in nature before.”
He looked over to you, grin still on his face. “Not really, doll. I’m a city boy. Grew up in Brooklyn. The only trees I would climb were fire escapes.”
You smiled, recalling your own childhood. “Same for me. I’m a Queens girl.” Bucky groaned, jokingly. “But our grandparents lived upstate in the countryside, and we’d visit them at least twice a year. Summers were my favorite. We’d go fishing on the lake, camp in the woods, all the typical outdoorsy stuff. Our dad even built us a treehouse. I fell off it many, many times.” You giggled thinking about all the times your clumsiness got the best of you.
Bucky beamed. “So you’re saying you got your medical training at a young age.”
“Oh, for sure. I first learned how to stitch up a wound when I was 12.” Your smile faltered just a bit. “Jonny had slipped on a rock by the lake and landed on a jagged piece. He still has- had the scar on his arm.”
Bucky nudged your shoulder with his. “Sounds like you’ve been taking care of him your whole life.”
You let out a half-hearted chuckle. “Definitely. I was clumsy, but Jonny was reckless. He loved getting into mischief and coming home cut up and bruised, always with the biggest smile on his face. I feel like as soon as I patched him up he was out the door again, searching for another adventure.” You were surprised to notice that you couldn’t feel the sting of fresh tears in your eyes, which had been the immediate reaction whenever you talked about your brother. You decided to take the risk and continue.
“I knew that when he joined the army I needed to go with him. We didn’t….my parents are both gone, and I couldn’t bear the idea of Jonny going to war and getting himself into more trouble without me being there to make sure he was okay. I was already working as a nurse in Queens, so I decided why not do the same work while also getting to see a bit of Europe? I didn’t have anything at home anymore other than Jonny, so why not follow him here and try to keep him safe? But it looks like didn’t work out too well for him.” Ah, here come the tears. “So now I guess I have no one at home and no one here.” Another laugh left you, but this time it was drenched in bitterness and pain.
You felt a hand take hold of yours and it pulled you to a stop in the middle of the dirt road. You glanced down at it and then up until your eyes met Bucky, face serious as his blue eyes pierced into you.
“It might not be much,” he said, his voice soft, “But you got me.”
You stared at him, speechless, then stammered out your next words, “Bucky, I appreciate it, I really do. But we only just met and I don’t want you to have to feel like you need to say that because you feel sorry for me-”
“Y/n,” he cut you off and gave your hand a gentle squeeze, “I’m serious. I know I can never replace what you lost, but I’ll be there to do what I can. You don’t have to feel alone. I’ll be there.”
You used your free hand to wipe away a tear that fell down your cheek and nodded. “Okay.”
Bucky gave you a soft crooked smile. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” You squeezed his hand.
Bucky looked down at the ground, his face growing flush. Was he….embarrassed?
Whatever it was, he quickly shook it off and gave your shoulder another gentle nudge before continuing down the path, pulling you with him.
He didn’t let go of your hand until you approached the hospital.
Not that you were complaining.
+++++++++++++++++
When you returned to camp, Jane was waiting for you outside the med tent, a grimace on her face.
“Uh oh. She doesn’t look too happy,” Bucky joked.
You rolled your eyes, but a smile still made its way to your face. “It’s war, Bucky. No one is happy.” The two of you walked over, supplies in hand and went to drop them off in the tent for sorting. Jane remained silent, waiting for you to finish.
“Sergeant Barnes, mind if I speak with Y/n alone for a moment?”
Bucky’s eyes shifted to you, then back to Jane. “Sure thing, ma’am.” He dipped his head, gave you a small smile, then walked out of the tent.
You attempted to avoid Jane’s gaze by organizing the newly acquired supplies. “Everything okay?” you mumbled out, inspecting each bottle of morphine with an unnecessary level of focus.
“You’re being sent to the line tomorrow,” Jane said softly, and the morphine fell out of your hand. You quickly fumbled to catch it before it shattered to the ground. When you stood back up you finally looked at Jane, your eyes wide in horror. She pursed her lips. “I know. I’m sorry, but it’s out of my control. The medics out there have been working overtime to make up for you while you’ve been….working through things. They’re exhausted and need to rest before they start making fatal mistakes. I tried to give you as much time as I could, but with the threat of sending you back home from the higher-ups and the needed attention at the front-lines I can’t justify-”
“It’s okay.” You forced out a smile. “I get it. Thank you….thank you for stalling as long as you could. I know that took a lot of fighting on your end to make it happen and I really, really appreciate it. It’s time I….suck it up and move on.”
Jane gave you a grim nod, then walked over to squeeze your arm. “You can do this, Y/n. You’re still one of our best, and I know it will fucking suck, but you’re strong enough to go back.”
You nodded. You could feel your body shaking. “I know.” You took a step back to head out of the tent, suddenly in desperate need of fresh air. “I’m gonna go get ready. I’ll be back in the morning to gather supplies.”
Jane forced a smile. “Okay. Please let me know if you need anything. Please.”
I need my brother back.
You nodded, walking out of the tent.
You walked- no, ran to the woods. Your vision was blurring from the tears that could no longer be stopped, and at one point you blindly reached your arms out to prevent yourself from colliding into trees. You stumbled a few times over roots and rocks on the ground, but managed to somehow stay upright.
Finally, a hundred or so feet in, you found a stone large enough to sit on, and you collapsed onto it, shaking hands covering your face, trying to block out the images swimming through your head.
Mud.
Smoke.
Grenade.
Fire.
Blood.
Eyes, once filled with life, now empty.
You hoped you were far enough away from the camp so that no one could hear your sobs.
It took about an hour for you to calm down. The tears had finally stopped falling and your body was no longer shaking. You looked up to see an orange hue painted over the sky. The sun was setting. You should be heading back to camp. But you were so tired. Your lids were heavy, your body felt like it was cemented to the rock you were currently sitting on.
Maybe I can just sleep here, you thought to yourself. Or maybe I’ll just stay here forever.
“Doll?”
You jumped at the sound, turning towards it to see a wide-eyed Bucky slowly walking over to you, arms outstretched as if he were approaching a wounded animal or something.
“Sorry, sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you. I just, I couldn’t find you anywhere in the camp and Jonathan said he caught you running into the woods like an hour ago.” He stopped five feet away from you. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
You nodded. “‘M fine.” You winced at the sound of your voice, broken and raw from crying. Bucky immediately noticed and moved to sit beside you. He gingerly reached for your chin to turn your face toward him and groaned when he looked at your red-rimmed eyes and the wet streaks that ran down your face. You tried to give him a small smile. “It’s nothing, Bucky. I’m just being a baby.” Your chuckle had no joy in it.
He reached over to take your hand, and you had to hold back a gasp at the immediate sense of comfort you felt from the contact. Your fingers interlaced with his and you took a moment to admire how perfectly they seemed to fit together.
“Hey,” he said softly, “Don’t talk about my best girl like that.” His face lit up for a second when you let out a genuine laugh at that, but then diminished as he continued. “I spoke with Jane. She told me you’re coming with us tomorrow.”
You nodded, tears unfortunately returning.
“This is your first time back since….”
You nodded again and Bucky sighed, squeezing your hand.
“Do you want me to speak to Jane? I can see if she and the Colonel are okay with delaying it a little longer.”
Your lips curved up ever so slightly and you finally found the strength to speak. “No, I don’t think Jane can hold it off any longer without me being sent home. Besides, she’s given me more than enough time. Way more than we can afford. It’s a war, and people are putting their lives in danger every day. I need to do my job and help them.”
Bucky used his free hand to wipe away a tear from your cheek. It was growing dark, but you could still catch the shine of his blue eyes as they pierced yours. “I’ll be there to make sure you stay safe, okay? You need me, you need to get out of there, just say the word and I’ll do whatever, okay?”
You felt your heart swell, and decided to test your courage to lean your head on Bucky’s shoulder.
The thing you admired most about Bucky was his slight hesitancy whenever he moved to make contact with you. His actions were slow as he took your hand in his, rested a hand on your shoulder, or wiped a tear away, as if always checking to make sure you were comfortable. You knew that if you showed any resistance to his touch (which you never did), he would pull away.
But the moment your head met his shoulder, you felt all sense of control leave Bucky as his body melted against yours, his cheek resting on the crown of your head as he wrapped an arm around you. It was the closest you had ever been to a man before. No one had ever seemed to be interested in holding you like this. And honestly? It was worth the wait to have this. You were pretty sure that Bucky’s hold could put an end to all wars. It was the safest and warmest place to be.
It felt like home.
“Thank you,” you whispered.
“I meant every word of it, doll.”
You smiled. “I know.”
These moments with Bucky no longer felt like ones that he would share with the other girls in the camp like you had originally thought. Yes, he was charming as all hell and knew how to use his devilishly handsome smile to make everyone on the other end of it swoon, but this was different. You had only met him yesterday, but there was a tether between you and Bucky that felt as if it had been forged long before he came into your life. It felt so natural. So...inevitable. It both terrified you and excited you.
And you fucking hoped he could feel it, too.
Bucky stirred after a few minutes, looking up at the sky, now littered with stars.
“We should head back,” he said softly, waiting for you to lift your head before standing up, hand still in yours. “Gotta rest up for tomorrow.” You nodded, and he pulled you up to stand behind him.
“You didn’t happen to bring a light with you did ya, Buck? I can’t see a damn thing.”
You heard him click his tongue. “Nah, that probably would have been a good idea.” He squeezed your hand. “Don’t worry, doll, I’ll make sure you don’t stumble.”
You groaned. “You underestimate the power of my clumsiness, Sergeant Barnes.”
His arm made its way back around you and his mouth hovered over your ear, the feeling of his breath sending a shiver down your spine as he whispered, “I guess I’ll have to hold on tight, then.”
+++++++++++++++++++
You tried to sleep that night. You really did.
But the anxiety of what the morning would bring mixed with the horrors of your past were on a constant loop in your head, and any amount of sleep you managed to drift into was far from restful.
As soon as the night sky shifted into a soft purple that allowed you to see the camp outside, you decided you might as well put your restlessness to use, and made your way over to the med tent to start gathering supplies.
Your hands were shaking as you stuffed your bag with morphine and bandages, and you tried humming to yourself to relax. It was a song that had been stuck in your head the past few days, the lyrics running through your mind and putting a small smile on your face, no matter how stressed you were.
“You serenading me, sugar?” You stopped humming immediately, keeping your back to the voice you had grown to loathe. Your smile was replaced by an aggravated frown.
“What do you want, Mitch?”
He chuckled. “Calm down, baby. Just wanted to make sure you’re prepared for the line today. We don’t want a medic who can’t get their shit together while trying to keep us all in one piece.”
Your stomach dropped to the floor, and you slowly turned towards Mitch. “You’re going with us today?”
He grinned. “Yep. Gotta oversee our new friend Sergeant Barnes to ensure he knows what the hell he’s doing. So obviously they asked the best of the best to show him the ropes and coach him on his leadership skills.”
“Bucky is already a better leader than you could ever be,” you bit out. “Not that that’s a difficult thing to accomplish.”
Composure was gone in an instant and Mitch snarled, walking over to you and grabbing your arm. “You listen here-”
“Y/n.” Bucky’s voice echoed into the tent as he walked inside. Mitch released you immediately and turned to him, hand lowered to his side.
Bucky’s face upon initial review seemed calm. But you noticed his clenched jaw and twitching hands, trying to prevent them from balling into fists on his side. His eyes filled with an almost uncontainable rage.
Mitch walked over to Bucky, letting out a soft chuckle. “Sergeant Barnes.” He held out his hand. “At last we meet. I’m Sergeant Connell. I’ll be going with you and your team to the front lines today.”
Bucky’s eyes shifted from Mitch’s face down to his hand, then over to you. You caught them flicker ever so slightly, as if silently asking to see if you’re okay. You nodded, and it was enough for him to look back to Mitch and shake his hand.
“Sergeant Connell. I appreciate you agreeing to come out with us.” You had never heard this tone come from Bucky before. You knew it should unsettle you, but it brought the opposite reaction. You felt safe. Protected. “I hope we can work together to lead these men and make sure they return to camp safely.” He nodded his head toward you. “Is there anything you need from Medic Y/l/n that I can help with instead? I’m sure she’s busy preparing for our departure.”
Mitch turned to look at you, his sly grin returning. “Nope, I just wanted to make sure our medic was ready to face whatever shit awaits us on the line.”
Bucky walked over so that he stood between you and Mitch, eyes locked onto the Sergeant. “That’s very kind of you.” He looked Mitch up and down. “However, it seems pretty unnecessary. Y/n is more than capable and will serve our team better than anyone else.”
Mitch’s gaze flipped back and forth between you and Bucky, his eyebrows raised. “She is somethin’ alright…” he said slowly, stepping back. “Well, I guess I’ll leave you two to it and meet you with the rest of the team in a bit.” He tipped his head at Bucky. “Sergeant.” He winked at you. “Sugar.”
Bucky’s fist clenched.
As soon as Mitch was out of the tent you released the breath you had apparently been holding the whole time. The sound broke Bucky out of whatever spell of rage he was under and he turned to you, anger dropping from his features. Now, all you could see was concern.
“You okay?”
Your head bobbed up and down and you forced a smile. “Mitch is an asshole. Not sure if that’s been shared with you yet.” You shrugged, looking down at your hands fidgeting in front of you. “But for the most part he’s harmless. All talk and no bite.”
Bucky’s jaw moved. “Yeah, well, I would prefer he not even talk to you anymore. Does he bother you when you’re on your own like this often?”
Almost every night. And now morning, apparently.
You winced, looking back up at him. “From time to time.”
“Well, if he bothers you again you let me know, okay? He shouldn’t be talking to a lady like that.”
“I will.” You let out a soft laugh. “I would say thank you, but I feel like I’ve said it to you so much in the last few days that it has lost all meaning.”
He grinned. “No way. Everything you say is amazin’.”
You rolled your eyes. “You gotta be careful with what you say, Buck.”
“And why is that, Y/n?” He cocked his head, eyeing you quizzically.
Because if you don’t quit it I’m going to fall in love with you.
The sound of someone laying on a car horn acted as your saving grace.
“Well, I guess that’s our cue,” you said, giving Bucky a small smile. He walked up to help you finish packing your bag. The two of you walked out to meet with the rest of the men and loaded yourselves into the jeeps and toward the line.
++++++++++++++++
It was just how you remembered it.
Complete and utter hell.
Camp was five or so miles from the line, so you could always hear the constant whistling of bombs falling to the ground before the explosive impact. But it was a bit muffled. Here, pulling up to the heart of it all, it was hard to hear anything else.
There were no signs of trees anywhere. Whatever had once grown there had been blown to smithereens. All that was left were the crumbling remains of brick buildings
You always wondered if life would find its way back to these godforsaken places one the war ended. If the war ended.
“My God,” Bucky murmured to himself, and it suddenly hit you that this was his first time getting a real glimpse of war. Sure, they showed clips of it at the movies to encourage people to enlist, but those black and white moments were filmed with rose-colored glasses. All that was shown highlighted the honor and glory of war. Not the devastation it brought to everything that stood in its path.
“Still happy you joined the army, Sergeant?” you asked. You clamped your hands to your lap to try to hide the shaking.
He looked over to you, elbow nudging your arm. “It’s not all bad.”
You barked out a shaky laugh. “Just you wait, bud, and pray to God you don’t lose any pairs of socks.”
The team that had been stationed there the past week was more than relieved to see you. The bags under their eyes were noticeable from ten feet away, and any exposed skin was caked with that familiar mixture of dried mud and blood. They quickly gathered their things and took the jeeps back to camp.
The medic you were replacing, Oliver, gave you a sympathetic smile as he handed you his remaining supplies of morphine and bandages. It wasn’t much, and you hoped that you didn’t need it. But you always had to take what you could get. Because if you ran out? Everyone was screwed.
The farther you ran into the war zone, the heavier your limbs felt. The rifle in your hand almost fell out of your grip multiple times. Your heart was beating into your ears. The saliva in your mouth was thick.
All of that time you had spent this past year acclimating to this environment, being able to shut down your senses to focus on getting your work done. It was all gone, panic was the only thing left in its wake.
“Y/n,” Bucky’s hand rested on your shoulder, anchoring you to him and this moment. He tilted his head to the side at a foxhole nearby. “Let’s settle there, okay? It looks like the other guys have found their spots already.”
You gave him a shaky nod, following him to the hole. He jumped in first, and as you sat on the edge, ready for your descent, he offered to grab you by the hips to help ease the impact.
Foxholes were not steep, they only dug down enough that you could stand with just your head exposed so that you could still fire at the enemy. Still, Bucky’s gesture made you freeze. No one had ever offered to help you drop into one of these ditches before, probably because you were too heavy to carry. His eyebrows furrowed at your hesitation. “What’s wrong, doll?”
You fought back a grimace. I don’t want to crush you.
He frowned. “That’s bullshit, Y/n. Let me help you in.”
Shit, had I said that last part out loud?
Sighing, you slung your rifle over your back and placed your hand on his shoulders as he grabbed you by the waist, easing you down next to him. He made no grunting sound at the strain of holding you like you expected. No, instead he smiled as you landed on your feet, inches away from him.
For the first time today, the world went quiet as you both looked at each other, your hands still on his shoulders and his still on your hips.
Shots barreling through the field from a plane flying overhead brought you back in the moment. Bucky’s eyes widened and he jumped up to turn in its direction to see if any of the guys were hit.
“How are your ears doing?” you asked.
He grimaced. “Just let me know if they start bleeding, doll.”
You chuckled, pulling out your pack and ripping off two small pieces from a bandage, rolling them up and handing them to Bucky. “Jonny taught me this trick the first time we came to the lines. It helps you adjust.”
Bucky gratefully took them and placed one in each ear, little pieces of the material sticking out just a tiniest bit. He still managed to look ridiculously handsome.
“Plus, it’ll prevent the blood from making a mess of our new living quarters.”
He barked out a laugh. “Oh, so this is our home now? How domestic.”
You looked around, pointing to one of the sides of the hole. “I bet we could turn this into a library.”
“No way, that’s going to be the poker room when Stevie comes over.”
“There is a perfectly nice dining room table for you and Stevie to play poker on-”
Your words are cut off by the onslaught of gunfire.
A shelling.
“Get down,” Bucky pulled you to the ground, arms wrapping around you as you covered your ears.
This was always the worst part of being on the line. Shellings happened either nonstop for days on end or not at all. The unknowing of when it would happen was its own kind of torture.
Apparently it was your team’s lucky day.
Five minutes of incessant noise, your eyes clenched shut as you prayed that they would miss their marks. The roar of planes flying close to the ground as they opened-fire drowned out all sound.
Then, silence. Bucky’s grip loosened on you and you turned to him. His eyes were wide, hands shaking, breathing coming out in short bursts.
You took hold of his hands.
“It’s okay, Buck. We’re okay.” He gulped, nodding at you, unable to speak. “Your ears bleeding yet?”
“Don’t think so.” His voice was shaky.
“Good. If they stay that way we can rethink the poker room.”
A choked laugh escaped him, and he gave you an appreciative smile as you both sat there in silence.
“MEDIC. WE NEED A MEDIC!”
And then the silence was gone, along with all of the blood in your face.
“Well, that’s my cue.” You forced a smile, giving Bucky’s hands one last squeeze before moving to stand. His hands tightened around yours and you paused, looking into his eyes that were now filled with panic.
“Don’t go,” he begged.
You moved your hands to either side of his cheek, placing a kiss on his helmet. “I have to. The men need me. Your men need me. I’ll be back, okay?”
You pulled back to catch him nodding, then you were climbing out and toward the cries for help.
Ironically enough, you were thankful for Bucky’s fear. Of course, you desperately wished that he didn’t feel that way. That neither of you were in a situation where you needed to fear for your life. Still, having him panicked like that forced you to find strength to be brave for the two of you. It reminded you of all the times the Jonny hurt himself. When he cut his leg on a rock, when he broke his arm falling off the tree. The fear in his eyes, the pain. You felt it, too, but you mustered up whatever strength you had to put on a brave face. To focus on bandaging your brother up. It was what made you want to be a nurse in the first place, to be the person who could tell others that everything was going to be okay, that you were going to be there to fix whatever the problem was. And now, you forced yourself to have confidence that you would return to the fox hole, return to Bucky, when all this was over.
But first, you had work to do.
You spent the next hour running to wherever the calls came, tending to the wounds of the men. So far none of the injuries were fatal. But there had been more shellings, more opportunities for guys to get hit. You would park yourself in whatever shelter you could find and wait for the barrage to end before climbing out and over to the next spot you were needed.
As awful as it was, to be covered in blood, body exhausted from all of the running and climbing, ears ringing from the noise, you found yourself falling into a rhythm. You were running on autopilot, doing as much as you could to make sure everyone was alive and in one piece (for the most part) so that you could get back to Bucky.
“I swear, honey, if my wife and I have another girl, we’re naming her after you,” Dum Dum let out a mix between a chuckle and a groan as you worked on the wound on his shoulder where a bullet grazed him.
“What, you don’t think a boy would be lucky to have a name like Y/n?” you asked as you injected him with morphine.
“Hell, I’ll name all of my kids after you. I’ll even change the ones that’re already around.”
You laughed as you grabbed a bandage. “Now that sounds like a plan, my friend.”
It had been 20 minutes since the last shelling, and you hadn’t heard anyone calling for a medic, so you figured it was safe to head back to you and Bucky’s spot.
Bucky’s head was peaking out when you approached, eyes looking around frantically. As soon as they landed on you, his whole body relaxed. You smiled and waved, picking up your pace as you ran over.
You swear your heart actually stopped for a second when you saw a grenade flying through the air and towards Bucky.
“DUCK!” you screamed, and Bucky’s head shot down right as it flew over him, landing 20 feet away. The explosion knocked you onto the ground, your eyes stinging from the heat and dirt that blew your way.
“Y/n!” Bucky darted out of the hole and toward you. You almost sobbed in relief that he was okay. He crouched over you, hands hovering over your whole body inspecting for injuries. You sat up, wiping dirt from your face.
“I’m okay, I’m okay.” You looked up at him and felt tears falling down your face. “Are you okay?” you asked, though it sounded more like a sob.
“Yeah, I’m okay doll.” He pulled you in for a hug, his hold so tight it was hard to breathe, but you didn’t care. He was here and he was safe. The sound of his shaky breaths was music to your ears.
“MEDIC!” you heard, followed by an anguished cry. You and Bucky pulled apart, and he took hold of your hand to bring you up to stand, staying by your side as you both ran to the call.
Mitch sat behind the wreckage of one of the buildings curled into a ball, hands covering his face. A Private was kneeling over him, panicked.
“What happened?” you asked them both, crouching down to Mitch’s side.
“My eye, my fuckin’ eye,” Mitch cried out. You pulled his hand away and gasped.
A piece of shrapnel was lodged in his right eye.
“Fuck,” you muttered.
“Get it out, Y/n. Get it the fuck out.” Mitch’s tone was biting, nasty.
“It’s not that simple, Mitch,” you said, pulling out your pack for a pair of tweezers. “I need to look at it. Bucky, get me some morphine.” Bucky jumped down to your pack to grab the syrette, and you found yourself grateful that he joined you on rounds the other day to learn how to properly break the seal to the top of the tube. You examined Mitch’s eye and groaned. It was completely bloodshot. The shrapnel was lodged deep, and from what you could see of the exposed piece was caked with dirt and rust.
“Mitch,” you squeezed the man’s shoulder. “This is bad. I….I’m going to have to take the eye out.”
Mitch pulled away from you, horrified. “What? Fuck no. You can’t take my eye out!”
“It’s the only way, Mitch.” You looked up at Bucky to grab the morphine, then gestured to him to get behind Mitch. “I can’t pull the shrapnel out without taking the whole eye, and if I leave it in it’s going to create an infection and it’s too close to your brain for me to allow that-”
“It’s my eye, Y/n,” he cried out. “I need it to see! You can’t just take it out!”
You hated Mitch. He was the worst kind of person. And still, your gaze softened at him as he cowered away from you, terrified and in a kind of pain you didn’t even want to try to imagine.
“Mitch, that eye is useless. The shrapnel, it tore through everything.”
Mitch sobbed, taking in the gravity of the moment. Finally, he nodded at you.
You looked to Bucky and the other private. “Hold him down.”
You knew the screams coming from Mitch would haunt you for the rest of your life.
++++++++++++++++++++
Somehow, your luck had turned, and the evening was met with peace.
Mitch was taken back to base to be treated at a field hospital. You did your best to patch him up in the moment, but there was still a risk of infection and you couldn’t tend to him and also make sure the rest of the team was taken care of.
When all that was over, the sun had set and the night was lit up with what had to have been millions of stars. You and Bucky huddled next to each other, picking at your pieces of bread, staring up at the sky.
“I’ll be damned,” Bucky breathed out, openly gaping at the sea of stars above. “You don’t get this in New York.”
“No, but you also don’t get airplanes shooting at you all day.”
He nudged your shoulder and you laughed. “Hey, let me have my moment.”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” you giggled, looking back up. “You’re right. It’s amazing how something so beautiful can be found in such an ugly place.”
“Yeah.”
You turned to look at Bucky and your breath hitched as you noticed him staring at you, a soft smile on his face. Heat rushed to your face as you looked away and toward the sky.
“You were incredible today, Y/n. I don’t know how you can stay so fucking calm during all this shit.”
“I wasn’t always like that. There were definitely moments where I’m pretty sure I almost peed my pants during my first few shellings.” You both laughed. “But after a while you unfortunately get used to it. Once you learn how to tune out the noise, focus on the work, it gets easier.”
“I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to it.”
“You will. I mean, not totally, but you’ll find a way to live through it. You have to. We all have to. And hey, you were a great shot today, Buck. There were enemy soldiers I didn’t even know were around until I saw them falling to the ground.”
“Thanks. Although I don’t know how good it feels to be good at killing.”
This time it was you who nudged his shoulder. “You also helped me save Mitch’s life today. Had you not been there to help with the tools and to hold him down, that would have been a lot uglier. He’d probably be getting sent home in a casket instead of a hospital.”
“You’re right, I am a fucking great assistant.” You laughed, lightly shoving his shoulder. His smile softened as he said, “I guess we make a pretty good team.”
Your heart fluttered, and you rested your head on his shoulder to hide the shit-eating grin on your face.
“I guess we do.”
+++++++++++++++++++++++
Next Chapter
Thank you for reading!!
Tag List: @blackwidownat2814 @enchantedamusedslightlyconfused @theokatz @maladaptivexxdaydreaming @carrotfantasimp @otbshan @toothhurtyam @itsdawnashlie @lostinspace33 @w0nderw0man91 @galaxy-dusk @justsomeficsilike @magicalsimp
#bucky barnes#bucky x reader#bucky x you#bucky x y/n#107 regiment#plus size!reader#james bucky barnes#sergeant james barnes#sergeant's heart#marvel#mcu#bucky fic#bucky barnes x plus size!reader
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exploring an abandoned building w/ bffs!en-
warnings: horror? maybe one bad word but other than that none.
a/n: hopefully i’m posting this after i’ve already made a masterlist 🤔 thanks for the likes on my first post btw!! <3
heeseung
i rmbr during i-land when everyone was scared of that “ghost” + heesseung was super relaxed but since debut he seems to have softened up so i think he wouldn’t mind showing his fear around you guys!!
so.. his heart would be pounding before u even get to the building
and it’s not like it’s a scary place either it’s just old and run down .. like a rlly empty old mall
HOWEVER! being the eldest he can not show his fear!! right?
wrong.
that boy will literally stay sandwiched between you and niki because
“you’re both really young and still have a lot of fight left in you” ??? Ok Heeseung.
for some time he actually eases up and enjoys going to different areas w the guys
and that’s when you and niki go “missing”
in reality you guys just snuck off to the old food court to come up with a way to scare the living crap out of hee
you two definitely were not trying to see if the frosty machine still worked 😇
details abt scaring hee will be under niki!
jay
you know what
i really don’t think jay would be that scared
scratches head
you know that little smug grin he always has on his face ?
yeah he’d have it the whole time bc hes the “least scared” out of everyone there
jay is actually in need of a hand hold, a back rub, literally ANYTHING
he just can’t show his weakness in front of you guys
sunghoon would be sneaky bc he can sense jay’s bluff and come up behind the poor boy
jay would flinch so hard he pulls a muscle LMAOO
and all of you were actually watching bc
there’s no way jay was pretending to keep his cool the wholee time right
yeah looks like you’re wrong again. 0 for 2
jake
holding your hand the entire time he has ZERO shame
he’s only glued to you bc sunghoon got tired of him
jake just woukd not let go no matter the circumstances
it was almost as if his senses became advanced when he was scared..?
like his eyesight would pick up on the tiniest piece of lent and he would flip
ALSO HIS HEARING ?
this boy could hear the rain coming in an hour before the weather channel 😑
overall he’s terrified and he won’t deny it at all he doesn’t care
if you complain he’ll say it’s your fault for inviting him in the first place (which is true)
sunghoon
oky i know everyone says this but he’s cool as a cucumber
UNLESS!! he hears something or “sees something staring at him in the corner”
we all saw him playing the vr horror game during i-land okay we know he’s a chicken
but if he gets scared he’ll freak out then act like it never happened HELP
he will literally scream and flail like a little baby then deadpan and say “why’d we stop? let’s keep going”
EVERYONE CAUGHT HIM IN 4K
but you guys know it will hurt his pride if you tease him so you let him be aww besties 🥺❤️
sunoo
why would you suggest something like this
it’s not like he was freaking out he was just confused as to why you would propose an idea like this in the first place
he said he wasn’t gonna do it 😭
sunoo is like.. “do i look like i want to throw my mental stability out the window?? i’m not going y/n.”
but you begged and begged and he agreed to RIDE THERE
he was staying in the car though
he actually lasted a while just sitting in the car until it started getting dark and he realized that he couldn’t drive
so he texted you guys to let you know that he was coming in
the whole time he was trying to find you guys he was humming to himself bc it would “make the ghosts too happy to be mean” ...
jungwon
had no reaction when you were letting everyone know about your idea
he was just like “okay, let’s do it”
nice enthusiasm jungwon 😒
i think he would have the best time honestly
and not bc of the exploring
he just enjoyed seeing everyone older than him freak out about literally nothing
and you better believe this boy has his phone out recording the WHOLEEE thing
on the way home he puts all the vids and pics together in a small comp w bg music so he can show you guys when you get to the dorm
it was very funny btw
ni-ki
oh boy
you two had the best time
also not bc of the exploring part
you guys had actually been coming up with a way to scare heeseung for a while now
bc he woke you guys up after you two had pulled an all-nighter
so yes this was actually niki’s idea
but he made YOU tell the guys bc no one would agree if niki had asked
poor kid 🙏
THE PLAN: scope out a bathroom -> you feel sick so you need to find a toilet -> heeseung goes w you bc hes the oldest -> niki is secretly following behind u guys -> you trick heeseung into checking a stall -> niki sneaks into the stall furthest from hee -> you slowly creep out of the bathroom and slam the door shut -> niki scares hee while he’s in there (keep in mind it’s pitch black in there once the door is shut)
and well the rest is history 😇
it was very successful btw heeseung couldn’t sleep alone for a whole week
#enhyphen#enha#en-#enhypen drabbles#enhypen headcanons#enhypen imagines#enhypen scenarios#enhypen ot7#kpop scenarios#kpop imagine#kpop drabbles#enhypen heeseung#enhypen jay#enhypen sunghoon#enhypen sunoo#enhypen niki#enhypen jungwon#enhypen jake#enhypen x reader#heeseung headcanons#jungwon headcanons#sunghoon headcannons#sunoo headcanons#jake headcannons#niki head cannons#jay headcannons#enhypen crack#bff!enhypen#bffs!enhypen#enhypen horror
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❝crush❞
↳he has a crush on his best friend
characters: yamaguchi tadashi
pairing: yamaguchi x male!reader
warning: angst no happy ending (sorry)
a/n: being in love with your best friend is the worst thing.
-he was no stranger to this, not at all. he once went through a period in his life where he ended up having a crush on tsukishima for the longest.
-going down this road once before, tadashi was extremely scared when he realized he was starting to fall for you.
-even though he knew it would lead nowhere, he couldn’t help but indulge himself.
-every day during practice, he would hand you a water bottle and silently admire you as you drank from it.
-or even during class he would take sneaking glances towards you whenever he had a class with you
-as subtle he likes to think he is, he’s painfully obvious.
-tadashi made it a habit of doodling your name with hearts and flowers in the margins of his notebooks when taking notes.
-he’s not the best artist, but sometimes he also draws you as well
-he’s so in love it’s cute ):
-but tadashi is too scared of rejection, and he would never confess to you. without the help of course
-since he’s so obvious, the other first years were first to take notice of his little crush
-at first, they teased him (tsukishima) but the other two encouraged him to go for it because it would be cute they said (hinata and yachi) and kageyama just stood there like 🧍🏽 bc he has no idea what's going on
-either way, after some talking they manage to convince tadashi to confess to you.
-although he said he would, he never found the right chance to.
-it was either you were caught up studying or talking to friends, or during practice, you’d be too busy... well... practicing
-that and the internal fear that he had, what if you just weren’t into guys? you never really expressed interest in any girl nor guy really, it wasn’t like the topic ever came up.
-it would come off as weird if yamaguchi just suddenly asked if you liked guys right?
-of course, the days had turned to weeks and tadashi hadn’t made a move
-every time he stood next to you, he felt butterflies in his stomach his hands would clamp up. his legs would shake ever so slightly and he felt so lightheaded
-he was undoubtedly nervous. how could he not be? you were so breathtaking, handsome and just so ethereal.
-tadashi spent every night beating himself up for not talking to you, sometimes even calling tsukki for comfort.
-tsukishima was getting tired of this bullshit and decided it was enough
-tsukishima sat him down for a talk
-“tadashi— for the love of god just talk to him. i promise you he’s not going to eat you just ask—“
-easy for you to say 🤨🤨
-“sorry tsukki, it’s just hard... what if he’s not even into guys?”
-at this point tsukishima understood, he was still tired of his shit but he understood.
-so he decided to “help”
-mf came up to you like “you like dick”
-im gonna fuciiiking kill him LEFBFBF
-you were just sitting there??? confused like??? huh??? who’s asking???
-“um... yeah i don't have a preference”
-tsukishima took that and RANNNN— not literally ofc. mf just stared at you like 😐😑😐 and walked away like?? HUH??
-tsukishima then came up to tadashi and told the info and left
-tadashi was confused, to say the least, but on the inside?? he was doing summersaults, jumping jacks, running into the horizon, levitating— everything
-he was so happy he had a chance
-that calmed down his anxiety a WHOLEEE bunch llfmskdn
-happy tadashi :D
-anyway, the next day he finally had enough courage to confess
-all-day he was planning out the scene in his head-
“ok so should i be sappy?? tell him that he’s my other half—- no wtf no— i should be quick like i like you and leave it at that— no that sounds not genuine at all!” you get the picture
-when it finally came down to it, everybody on the karasuno team was aware of what was going on, so when he asked to walk home with you they left yall alone
“yamaguchi- you never ask to walk home with me, something up?”
-tadashi’s confidence flew out the fucking window at that and he just stared like
👁👁
“well.. there was something i wanted to tell you...”
-and with that, he laid everything out. he explained that he loved you from the start of your friendship, he loved how you were able to give him the confidence he needed to go onto the court, he loved how you brought out the best in him in every way.
-he then told you how nervous you make him feel, and despite how he’s used to having a crush, he never had one to this intensity. it felt so new to him but, he was willing to try it out with you
-tadashi felt relieved when he spilled out his emotions, finally feeling like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders
-but when he was soon filled with dread when he turned to look at you
-the same look tsukki had when he confessed way back then, a pitiful look.
-you didn't need to utter a word, he already understood.
“yamaguchi...i’m sorry but—“
“it’s okay”
-you offered to stay friends, he accepted painfully and he walked you home.
-he tried hard to mask his emotions, he told you it was ok and that he wasn’t expecting much
-but in truth, it hurt. as soon as he got home, went to his room, he let everything he’d been holding back out
-he didn’t bother texting tsukki about what happened, he didn’t bother with his homework.
-it was true, tadashi wasn’t expecting much.
-even if he wasn’t expecting it to go anywhere, even if his feelings were so strong, he couldn’t exactly figure out why he was crying right now.
something quick before i go to bed bc i wont be posting for a while hhhnggg,, um,, anyway yamaguchi <3
masterlist
#haikyuu#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu headcanons#yamaguchi tadashi#yamaguchi tadashi x reader#yamaguchi x reader#yamaguchi headcanons#yamaguchi scenarios#yamaguchi imagines#yamaguchi x male reader#haikyuu x male reader#yamaguchi fluff#haikyuu fluff
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Dom! Update us on your theory! Its been impressive so far !
Thank u thank u I’ll be here the next 13 weeks 🤣
Okay! Imma break it all down by character:
Sienna is going through some things again that she doesn’t want us to know about yet, that’s why she’s baking A LOT and visiting peds. I think she’s either going to decide to become a pediatrician. Or she’s going to be the one to fail the boards and end up becoming a baker.
Jackie is going to have some power struggles with her interns. Honestly we haven’t seen her much so I’m not very confident in her plot rn
Elijah and my MC are going to have a fallout because my MC HATES Bloom. Elijah is really research focused and will only see the shorter picture, wanting to use all the cool new tech to help patients and whatnot.
Aurora if/when Tobias turns up maybe her plot will be hating him and still trying to reassert her place in medicine. I hope we get something else from her beside the nepotism thing but ya know it’s pb 🙄
Bryce my sweet bby boi is gonna fuck up a surgery. Something is going to happen - possibly out of his control - and he looses a patient. It absolutely destroys him and Tanaka takes him off some surgeries until he gets himself back in order and studies up. Maybe MC urges him to have a talk with Harper to help him through?
Rafael’s entire plot is going to be based around his new career and making things better in the community.
Ethan is going to be working on his relationship skills, trying to be the most difficult person for Bloom and get this bastard out of the medical field. He’s going to butt heads with everyone and really need to rely on MC for support (only if they share the same views on Bloom otherwise it’s gonna be a wholeee lotta drama). The fourth person to join the team is going to be Bloom’s puppet and Ethan will hate them. He’s going to find it really difficult to keep his cool and the mission with all these stressors around.
Harper is 50/50 on Bloom right now. She’s definitely going to side with him more as the book goes on and she sees how the new tech can improve systems and patient care. Her and Ethan are going to get into a big fight.
Tobias coming on the team is only purpose will be to report to Bloom and do Bloom’s bidding. With the added bonus of ticking Ethan off and trying to repair whatever happened in the dark between him and Harper. I think Bloom definitely offered him lots of money and clout, but personally would prefer it if June sabotaged him the second she took her position at MK. I’ve said it before but we’re definitely going to get a Tobias redemption arc. Tobias will see how shady Bloom is and him and Ethan will put aside their differences to take Bloom down. MC will also probably help the two reconcile (while also digging for dirt on their history).
Baz only left the team because Bloom probably paid him off and promised the world if he devoted the rest of his life to curing Caroline.
MC is still going to struggle with professional jealousy where Harper and Ethan are concerned because they’re young and dumb in comparison. The dynamics on the team will be determined on your views of Bloom which I’ve noted before. There’s going to be some sort of future talk with the LI now that it’s the final year and we’re potentially leaving EB (especially if Ethan&Tobias are going to take him down).
&&&& that’s all I’ve got for now!
Thanks for asking! Really do wonder how things are going to play out 😅
Super glad Harper is on Team Ethan x MC now and not this forced triangle shit *phew*
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discord II text Roman & Aaron
Discord thread featuring: Aaron and @romanbeckett
Mentions: @wtf-eden @davieslandon @jayceelynd
Where: Aaron in Paris (with Eden) and Roman is in NYC
When: June 12th in New York, June 13th in Paris
Description: After Landon texts Aaron that Roman is upset upon seeing Eden’s IG post, Aaron reaches out to Roman to check on him
Trigger Warnings: pain, brief sexting
Aaron.
are you okay
Roman.
why?
Aaron.
I just...
am making sure
Roman.
I'm ok
Aaron.
I don’t believe you
Roman.
lol it doesn't matter
Aaron.
it does to me
Roman.
I'm just trying to let you go like you told me I needed to.
Aaron.
I can’t do anything right
im trying not to hurt you
but I’m also trying not to hurt Landon Jaycee and Eden at the same time
Roman.
I understand
I’m not mad
you don’t have to worry about me
Aaron.
I think about you all the time
so I can’t not worry
Roman.
I think about you too.
all the time.
Aaron.
what are we doing
Roman.
if you find out, let me know.
Aaron.
what do you want from this
like for us
Roman.
does it matter?
Eden’s post made it seem like you all were having the time of your lives
I don’t want to ruin that.
Aaron.
im not
it does matter
Ro id drop everything for you
Roman.
You would?
Aaron.
yes
Roman.
Aaron, are you sure? I need you to promise me that you’re sure.
Aaron.
I love you
Roman.
I love you, too. I’m taking Jaycee to Naples for a breather. I’m going to have a talk with her.
which I was gonna do regardless.
I don’t want to hurt anyone, but I’m starting to realize that I don’t know who I am anymore without you.
Aaron.
Roman
fuck I love you
Roman.
I was trying so hard to be okay with you and eden I swear lol but when she posted that picture from Paris I LOST IT
I’m dramatic as shit lol
Aaron.
lol yes you are and that’s one of the many things I love about you.
im sorry it upset you
Roman.
it’s okay, I’m just a jealous bitch lol
Aaron.
lol
is it bad I’m kinda happy you get jealous when it comes to me?
Roman.
No, I’m not surprised. You’re an asshole
Aaron.
an asshole that you’re in love with
Roman.
You’re correct.
I miss your chin dimple
Aaron.
I miss your dimples too
and your fckn hair
Roman.
Aaron.
there they are
Roman.
FUCK
Marry me right fucking now lol
Aaron.
*side eye emoji*
Roman.
you’re so bloody FIT
Aaron.
”bloody fit”
I love being complimented in British
Roman.
*annoyed emoji*
Aaron.
its a good thing!
Roman.
Give me more pictures dammit lol
OH did you see the new rocketman photos?
Aaron.
show me!!!
Roman.
FUCK GOD DAMMIT SHIT DAMN HELL!!!
Jesus CHRIST on a fucking CRACKER
AaronBOTYesterday at 8:43 PM
current Paris status
Roman.
AARON
Aaron.
*pleading face emoji*
Roman.
I’m so pissed that I’m not there lol
taking off that robe
Aaron.
im sorry
ooo
me too
Roman.
You’re so damn hot.
feathers galore
Aaron.
omg
YOU’RE so damn hot
I can’t wait to see you preform
Roman.
I’m nervous, but really fucking excited.
Aaron.
you’re gonna be so amazing
Roman.
I hope so. I’ve busted my arse lol!
Aaron.
yeah and I love that arse of yours
Roman.
what if...it was all yours?
Aaron.
do you think that’s possible?
Roman.
anything is possible.
Aaron.
#corny
Roman.
Aaron.
taking it back to my childhood
Roman.
THOUGH HOPE IS FRAIL, IT’S HARD TO KILLLLLLLL
WHO KNOWS WHAT MIRACLES YOU CAN ACHIEVE, WHEN YOU BELIIIIIEVE, SOMEHOW YOU WILLLLLLL - YOU WILL WHEN YOUUU BELIEEEEVE
Aaron.
ahahaha
its a bop
Roman.
have I convinced you yet?
Aaron.
you may have to send more memes
Roman.
I’ll let you get some sleep
Aaron.
its really late here
but I stayed up to talk to you
Roman.
:(
Aaron.
but I SHOULD sleep
I’d just rather talk to you
Roman.
I’d rather talk to you than do a lot of things.
Aaron.
same
Roman.
I miss kissing you
feels like it’s been so damn long
Aaron.
Its been ages
well like a week
but it’s felt like ages
Roman.
it’s been more than that
maybe like...two
Aaron.
lets be honest I want to kiss you like 24/7
damn that night was two weeks ago now?
Roman.
Yep
Aaron.
I think about it all the time
I wish I made some different decisions that might
Roman.
What would you have done
Aaron.
well I wouldn’t have solidified things with Eden
wouldn’t have fought with Harry
but I would’ve still told you I loved you
that I wouldn’t change
Roman.
you asked me before what I wanted from this. What do YOU want?
Aaron.
I’ve wanted to be with you since I spilled coffee on your shoes but I just realized that at the pride party. Ali suggested I be alone for a little bit which might be something I need but I want to be your fucking boyfriend Ro
Roman.
Oh babe...
Aaron.
and wake up next to you every damn day
I know...it probs won’t happen I’m sorry
Roman.
I want that, too.
Aaron.
and I know don’t like monogamy
ooo???
really??
Roman.
it’s not that I don’t like monogamy. I just...after Landon, I was scared to get hurt again. And I guess I’ve been fooling myself into thinking I couldn’t be with just one person again, and risk getting hurt like that.
Aaron.
I get that
I can’t promise I won’t hurt you....I never want to hurt you but I’ve been breaking a lot of promises lately
Roman.
neither one of us can make those promises. But choosing to be together means you’re willing to take those risks.
Aaron.
landon would also kill me if I hurt you which is another reason I don’t want to do that lol
Roman.
if I were him, I’d want you to hurt me lol
fell in love with his best friend.
Aaron.
I know
im afraid my friendship with him will never be the same
Roman.
I don’t want to come between that
Aaron.
I know but I want to be with you so bad...part of me doesn’t care anymore. I know that’s an awful thing to say....And I know he will eventually be okay with it...eventually
Roman.
I feel the same way.
Aaron.
really?
Roman.
yes. Really. I’m fucking miserable without you, and I don’t care if we have to keep it under wraps for awhile until the smoke clears, it’s worth it. I want you. I don’t like thinking about you being with anyone else.
Aaron.
shit
me too
like I said I’d do anything for you
Roman.
we can say we just want to be a single for a bit
but
I just want to be with you
Aaron.
me too
Roman.
:)
Aaron.
I wasn’t expecting this
but I’m happy
Roman.
I was t expecting this either lol
wasn’t**
Aaron.
I need to sleep but I can’t
Roman.
I wish you were holding me.
Aaron.
I wanna kiss you so bad
Roman.
just kiss hm??
Aaron.
oh okay I see where this is going
I wish your wholeee dick was in my mouth
better?
Roman.
damn. Yeah, actually
Aaron.
hehe you’re welcome
im still so tired
I haven’t slept and the birds are chirping
Roman.
shit. go to bed babe
Aaron.
okay babe
I love you
Roman.
I love you.
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RANT 💥
So my boyfriend is in the marines and he has been gone for about 8 months now. I HATE IT, oh my let me tell you how much it fucking sucks. Within the 8 months away I've seen him for a total of like 2 weeks , tf is that bullshit. EVERY night I'm facetimeing him, I spend so much more time on my phone just cause I'm always checking to see if he texted me ! Which is like never cause he can't 99.83738337% of the time and I have school!! Hello senior trying to graduate gets out of school st 205 but that's 105 for him because he's an hour behind me , so THATS GAY TOO and I work usually @ 430 ! He gets out of school at like 330 which is totally fucking 430 for me ! So that's a whole day from a 445am goodmorning text before I can't talk to him all day (I get up early just so I can talk to him before my day) so then I get home from work at like 9 usually maybe if the gods are in a good god dam mood , and listen to this WHEN WE FINALLY GET TO FACETIME HES NOT PAYING ATTENTION TO ME !?!?!? Like seriously I'm so annoyed. The last time I saw him was on New Years. So it's been a legit month where it's been so bad that i keep saying it and saying it (I remember the exact day I brought up to him that I need him to put me a little higher as a priority and make NOT play video games when we FaceTime ) okay so thats been a RISING issue since. I can't help but seriously get so mad that he doesn't want to even look at me when I haven't talked to him all day !!! Okay granted it's not always like this. He is a good boyfriend but like 67% of the time I'm Watching him play video games On pause Staring at a wall because he left the room Like for real do you know how upsetting it is that I can't even have a decent convooooooo. I'm totally trying to marry this kid but he's making things so hard right now , and then I think maybe I'm over thinking ???? I am pretty fucking crazy, it could be me. But then my friends, lol friend* always say that I kinda deserve better and I'm always like yeah I THINK , but who knows !?? Am I limiting myself ? I'm 17 , graduating high school this summer , and I'm marrying a marine and living with him and starting a legit FOREVER. wow I sound so dumbbbb like I really am basing my whole life off love THATS WILD!! Honestly tho I'm not surprised because I'm such a spontaneous dumb person , thinking back to all my mistakes and what not I just can't understand why no one punched me in the face like HELLO TYLA STOP BEING DUMB MAYBE 😂 .. someone should probs do that now ! Like am i being dumb ? I don't know who to talk to ! Not Steven (bf) can't w my mom because she just annoys me so much oh my , that's another rant . I really don't have many friends, and it's not because I'm not cool because I have friends like that , I'm liked ah school people know who I am whatever .. I'm talking about like real fucking friends . I have like 1 ATM , and not even she knows everything I do and say and feel like holy shit im so fucked up I should probably just kill my self. Seriously so surprised (not really) that I'm able to bottle all this up all the time, like wow go Tyla but how the fuck do I not blow up ? Ohh wait I do , and I'm kind of a raging bitch so nevermind ahhhh. Breathe. Continue. Kinda wanna touch again on the subject of how fucked up I am ^^ I can't even understand it , I just don't have morals I guess ? Think that's bad check this out I DONT HAVE GUILT like dude veryyy rare that I feel bad about something and I must of realllyyy fucked up. So far I've only felt so bad about 1 thing that I did to 1 person , and I went out of my way to fix and probably (it totally did) make it worse . Whatever that's a wholeee different rant. Idk why I keep talking as if there's someone reading lolol. Probably because I'm so self absorbed that I just assume that people actually would take the time to read about my garbage joke life. Why am I so negative jeez Tyla. My life isn't that bad (I'm lying again) I wake up every morning and go to school mon- fro. Work Tue fri sun. Not too bad. Of course I did forget to mention the hours I spend crying in my bed and hating my self. But heyyyy that's a different rant ! It's not tho because (I'm lying) this is kinda just EVERYTHING I've been wanting to say And like lying , why am I so good at it ? Please someone tell me. Legit since I was a fuckkg kid. Like was I born with it ? Did I pick up the trait , how do you even pick up the trait of being a liar. Maybe because my mom lied to me and my dad wouldn't know I was even alive if my mom didn't tell him I GOT DADDY ISSUES ew why did I say that , like i can seriously blame my dad for all my fucked up actions etc.. well he was pretty fucked up so whatever I'll just blame it on him cause I can. So I guess I'll leave it at that. I hate myself because my father never involved himself so it made me become this angry neglectful person. Idk what I'm ever saying anymore. I hate myself ! Btw if I haven't said that enough :) But what's ironic is I really like my appearance (sometimes) so I come off super conceited just because I like to look nice and i know I do like wtf . Ugh I hate my life ... & myself ! ✌🏼 TRG
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