#become too taxing on my time and health to just say ‘it is how it is’ and do something that’ll kill me slowly for a company’s profit.
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Writing Is The Loneliest Art...
A couple of days ago, this piece of art with a Neil Gaiman quote flickered across my desktop, and it made me think, so longish post about writing, mental health and human connection ahead..
The actual quote says:
The hardest part of being a writer is that you get lonely. It's just you and the stuff in your head and nobody else can do it for you.
I used to be a performer. I spent a good 10 years of my life in theatres and on stage. That can be lonely, too, but in very different ways. You find a "family" for a short while, and then the show is over, and you all disperse to heaven-knows-where again. Some of these friendships last, others don't, but even the ones that do are hard to maintain because of the nature of the job (if you a very lucky, your paths may cross again for another show).
But the difference, to me, was that I had a physical outlet. That's also stressful in many ways, and being a performer is hard and emotionally taxing (plus, the industry sometimes makes you want to vomit). But it is a very different feeling to channel creative energy into something that is physical.
When I write, I only have the words in my head and the blank page; if I am lucky, the words will come out in a way that stops the page from being blank. And although I wrote "Writing Is The Loneliest Art" as a headline, I imagine this must be quite similar for visual/graphic artists.
I was a writer before I was a performer. I came back to my first love, and I wouldn't want it any other way. Writing always was, and still is, the most truthful form of creative expression for me. I am also lucky enough not to have to earn an income with it (although I do) because I have a job that takes care of that (and thankfully one that comes in handy for character development and world building). But it is very easy to become trapped in your head and thoughts, to stop engaging with the life that is out there. And that life is important--for inspiration, for self-care, for human connection. To break these connections, knowingly or unknowingly, is a real issue for many writers. If I am not careful, it happens to me, too. I have a family, and I am constantly teetering on the edge of spending time in my head or with the blank page when I should be present with them. I can snap myself out of it, but it is not always easy to do, and most writers can probably relate. Because thoughts are thoughts and ideas are ideas. They don't care when they pop into your head, and they will try to claim space, whether the moment is "right" or not.
I have a self-care routine in place to prevent myself from getting trapped in my own head (that's maybe for another post), but it takes effort and constant reminders to get up from my desk, get out, get fresh air and move. Because I'd rather be in my head and write. I am an introvert, like many writers, but that's not a big blanket permission to stop connecting with life. Introversion and loneliness are not one and the same, and writers (everyone really) need to understand the difference. You need to pick up that phone, see people and surround yourself with humans from time to time for your own sake. Not just through your job. You need humans around you whom you truly connect with.
But back to different art forms: As a performer, I had the direct interaction with my fellow performers, and with my audience. I cannot stress enough how important the latter is, and I have said this on here many times: Art comes alive through interaction and communication. It connects us through shared humanity. And there are art forms out there that take care of that connection by default--I have felt the difference, and it is profound.
Yes, we can still write or create art as a form of processing emotions, and from a psychological viewpoint, this is healing and helpful.
But art needs to be both created and experienced. Every art ultimately becomes meaningless without the viewer/reader/audience. Art is never a one-way street.
Writers tell stories, but these stories don't exist in a vacuum. They exist because we can't help writing them, and we would always do it anyway, but they also exist because we want you to read them. And it means something to us to know they moved you, made you laugh, made you cry, made you find out something about yourself you didn't know yet, or they just helped you forget about the troubles you are going through for a little while.
So if you appreciate art forms that don't have direct audience interaction, let the artists know you did. It is not annoying us. We are happy about it. Most of us want that communication. And writers probably need it most...
#neil gaiman#writers#writing#writer life#writer problems#writerscommunity#writeblr#writers of tumblr#writer self-care#writers and poets#writing community#author#writers on tumblr#let your writers know what their stories mean to you#writers mental health#artist struggles#artist problems#artist mental health
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i’m not sure if this is something you can help with but i wondered if you had any advice for me,
basically whenever i try to write recently, i get somewhere between 50 to 1000 words in (which really isnt much by my standards) before i start to get extremely tired? i’m not sure why, and i am struggling to write because i just get exhausted instantly
Becoming Exhausted When Writing
It's really not uncommon for writers to experience physical exhaustion when writing--sometimes after only a short period of time. Here are some of the reasons this happens and some tips for how to deal with it. :)
1 - Mental Exhaustion = Physical Exhaustion - The brain is an organ, not a muscle, but it behaves a lot like a muscle in that it gets stronger with "exercise" and can become fatigued with overuse. Writing is kind of like doing a cardio session for your brain. The creative load requires your brain to work really hard and expend a lot of energy, so the bigger that creative load, the faster you're going to feel tired. If you think of unwritten stories as untamed jungles, some writers can be plunked into the middle of the thick vegetation, without a map or resources, and machete a straight path back to civilization. Many of us can't do that, though. We machete circles through the jungle, lost and bewildered, hungry and dehydrated, exhausted and mosquito-bitten--and that's exhausting. So, if you find yourself becoming quickly exhausted when you sit down to write, it's worth considering how much of a creative load you're putting on your brain. If it's not an issue of what to write and where the story is going, something else is going on. For example, if you've had a taxing brain day before you even sit down to write, your remaining energy will vanish fast. But, if you find yourself wandering in circles through your story, you may just need to do some better planning. Having a "map" through your story and heading into the story jungle with resources ready can make a big difference.
2 - Actual Physical Exhaustion - Sometimes the problem isn't with our brains but with our bodies. Lack of sleep, health issues, busy days, mild dehydration, and life stress are all things that can contribute to physical exhaustion that makes us feel sleepy when we write. Some solutions: make sure you get enough sleep or try taking a power nap before you write. Exercise or taking a walk before you write can give you an energy boost, too. Drink some water, coffee, or an energizing smoothie before you write. If you're under life stress, try meditating or taking a refreshing shower before you write.
3 - Creative Stress - Millions of years of evolution have led our brains to be wired to avoid things that are stressful because they might be dangerous. Originally, this was to help us stay physically safe. If you knew there might be lions down a particular path, the thought of going down that path would be stressful, so your brain would say, "Nope, don't go that way." It works the same way with writing. If writing feels stressful to you--maybe because you're not sure what to write or are giving yourself a hard time about not making word counts or deadlines--your brain perceives writing as a threat and says, "Nope, don't go that way." This causes your "fight or flight" response to kick in when you start writing. That might manifest as your inner critic, distracting yourself, or experiencing writer's block. Pushing forward anyway can create even more stress, and that's when you start to feel exhausted. The best way to deal with this is to make writing as stress-free as you possibly can so your brain doesn't perceive it as a threat. Make sure you know where your story is going and what you need to write during each writing session, whether that means just thinking about it ahead of time or planning it out. Don't give yourself a hard time for not meeting word counts or deadlines, and don't even strive toward those (unless you have to) if they cause you undue stress. Instead, try setting small, attainable goals and reward yourself for reaching them. For example, instead of trying trying to hit a particular word count, try to write for ten minutes each day. If that's not a problem, go for twenty and so on. Set your goal just a few minutes above what you know you can hit. Then, raise it accordingly. Also, try setting up a writing routine and making sure you have a comfortable, inviting place to write if possible. Taking a walk, shower, or meditating before you write can help here, too.
I hope that helps! ♥
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Broken Hearts Are Contagious
Summary: If Marinette doesn't learn to love Tim back before the end of the week, he will die. She is not the victim... so why does she feel like crying?
Written for @maribatserver 's Maribat March
Day 1: Origin Story (for Poison Ivy)
Marinette sips at her drink. It’s non-alcoholic, of course, she isn’t intent on openly breaking the law when Commissioner Gordon is within sight. But that doesn’t change the fact that she is oh-so-tempted to try. She eyes the champagne pyramid not too far away. It is entirely decorative – it would be impossible to get a drink without everything toppling over, and even if you do manage to get one there is a high chance that the drink will be flat.
Then again, she really hates Wayne Galas, and that was a surefire way to make sure she would never have to go again…
Before she can commit to that particular bad idea, a hand taps her on the shoulder.
She whirls around to find a fortunately familiar face. Tim was always one to sneak up on people. He insists it’s accidental, and that he doesn’t mean to, but she has her doubts, because he always smiles so widely whenever he manages to catch her off-guard.
Regardless of his possibly evil ways, he is now leaning against the wall next to her. His hair is brushed, for once, slicked out of his face with far too much gel. She is sorely tempted to mess it up, purely as a petty form of revenge, but considering he is her ticket out of here… it seems like a bad idea.
She can always do it later.
“Tim,” she says, her bitter expression falling away in favor of a faint smile. “Thank the gods you’re here.”
“I’m here to save the day,” he says with a sarcastic little bow, his lips curling in a smirk. “Let’s run away together.”
She doesn’t wait for another second before gathering up her dress in her hands. The air is cloyingly sweet from all of the intermingling perfumes, and she wants out. “Absolutely. How do we escape?”
“Depends, are you down to climb a drainpipe?”
“There’s no way that’ll hold our weight,” Marinette says, her eyebrows raising.
He huffs, but he doesn’t actually seem all that put out. “It might. But, fine, guess we’ll just have to leave the normal way.”
So, hand in hand, they make their grand escape.
Okay, that might be a little dramatic, all they do is find their way to a higher balcony so they can talk without fear of being forced into conversations about stocks and taxes and ooooh, I just LOVE your dress, DO tell me where you got it.
No, they have much more interesting conversations in store for them, like gossip.
“They say there’s a new assassin on the loose,” says Tim.
She has heard that. Quite a few rich people had suddenly been found dead – poisoned, to be specific. But, as she looks out over the Gala below them, she is sorry to say that the assassin is not going fast enough.
Marinette hums absently. “There’s always another assassin.”
“It’s a good line of work. Business is booming. If only I didn’t have those pesky morals,” sighs Tim.
Marinette can only nod along. One day she, too, will have a terrible accident that leads to her becoming a supervillain, she is sure her time will come eventually.
But, for now, she is much more interested in chatting with her best friend.
“I heard Cobblepot is secretly a Rogue,” Marinette says, leaning over the railing so she could properly squint at the man. She opts to ignore the rest of that particular rumor, because not even their friend Bernard would believe that the umbrellas the man carried were all secretly insane gadgets.
Tim snickers as if he can hear her thought process. “Yeah? Are you gonna tell me you believe in The Batman, too?”
She grins. “And what if I do? What would you do?”
“Well, stop you from hanging out with Bernard, for one.”
Marinette gasps. “You would never! My mental health would shatter if I was not allowed to talk to my emotional support delusional friend.”
“I need you to repeat the last four words of that sentence for me.”
“... emotional support delusional friend?”
“Yeah, thanks for proving my point.”
“You’re no fuuuuuun.”
“I’m practical. I go out at night all the time. If he existed, I think I would have seen him by now.”
Okay, does Marinette actually believe in Batman? No, absolutely not. But damn if she wasn’t going to defend his honor. “Well, yeah, if he’s a hybrid half-man, half-bat being, it makes sense that he would be trying to hide himself as much as possible!”
“And that’s how I know you’re not a true bat-fan. Any true believer knows he is three-fourths bat and one-fourth man.”
Alas, she has been caught.
She leans back against the banister, pouting. “How was I supposed to know you were actually paying attention to Bernard’s rants? I always thought you were lost in your own head. You never speak!”
He lifts his hands in a sheepish little shrug. “I like listening to you guys talk.”
“Ha. Simp.”
He rolls his eyes. “Yeah, okay. Real mature.”
“I am, thank you for noticing. This is why I should be allowed to drink underage —.”
She never finishes her sentence, because her eyes stray to the champagne tower, and that particular train of thought is derailed. For a woman stands at the base of the pyramid. Which is already strange, but her outfit is even stranger. A dress that appears to be made out of leaves, rustling behind her as she walked. Red hair is threaded with thick green ribbons that remind her of vines.
Dully, Marinette thinks she might actually want to know where the woman had gotten her dress.
A hand reaches out and plucks a champagne glass from the pyramid.
It topples faster than you might expect, the glasses clinking against each other briefly before they’re sent to the floor, shattering in a messy display. Glass shards and liquid gold spilling across the tile.
If people weren’t looking at the mysterious woman before, they certainly are now.
She smiles.
“Hello, Gotham,” she says, her voice echoing. Is she hooked up to a mic? Or is she just that good at projecting? “I’m the newest assassin, Poison Ivy.”
Understandably, most people back up a few steps. Even Tim and Marinette, who are safely on a balcony she could not reasonably reach anytime soon, flinch backward.
She smiles wider.
“You’re kinda a bad assassin, though,” Brucie Wayne speaks up, and everyone in the vicinity immediately cringes. “I mean, why tell us now? Why not – like – after you kill us?”
“Easy! Because you’re all already dead!”
Brucie looks down at himself, as if to confirm that he has legs.
The people who have two functioning brain cells to rub together, though, immediately blanche at the news. They’re already doomed? How? Her name more than implies that her killing method of choice is poison, so… where is it? It can’t be the food, people hardly eat at parties like this (despite how good the food is), and it’s not as if she could poison every single drink without anyone noticing.
“There is poison in the very air you breathe.”
Wait, what?
Her hands come up to cover her mouth and nose, as if it is still something she can fix. She has been smelling that sickening sweetness for well over ten minutes now, she can’t uninhale it.
“It’s slow-acting… not that slow-acting, you all have around a week, max, but…” she shrugs, her eyes gleaming. “I figured I should give you all the time to say goodbye to your loved ones.”
That was… surprisingly generous.
For some reason, Marinette can’t bring herself to trust it.
Indeed, Poison Ivy continues on: “Well, your loved ones. I’m sure all of you know that you are unlovable, that they only love your money… I’m sure they’ll all be very pleased to learn of your sudden passing.”
Unsurprisingly, this is not what people want to hear immediately after being told that they are going to die in a week or less.
“In fact, I’m willing to bet on all of you rich people being unloved – so much so that my little plants are based around it! If any of you love someone, and find it to not be reciprocated, the plant will take root, and you will die.”
It is deathly silent.
A… plant?
“Wait! How?” Marinette is the first one to speak up. She isn’t scared, not really, just confused beyond measure.
And Poison Ivy seems to be experiencing the same strange emotion, because she balks a little bit upon seeing Tim and Marinette. She hesitates, briefly, her confident posture wavering, before she brings herself back to the present, outright laughing at her.
“You are all going to die, and you want to know how?”
Marinette just nods. Call it denial and bargaining mixing together into one very unfortunate cocktail (she really should have drank earlier), but she has to know.
The woman considers her for a moment, before sighing. “The plants should have already taken root in all of your brains. They feed off of certain nutrients. As time continues on, they will run out of room and begin pushing their way down, through your heart, into your lungs…” She waves a hand. “I’m sure that I don’t need to continue, we all get the idea.”
Brucie looks like he absolutely does not.
But Poison Ivy does not seem to care enough to explain anything to him.
“Get your affairs in order, everyone!”
No one even tries to stop her when she leaves.
Someone laughs, but it is nervous. A woman tucks her hair behind her ear. “Well… it’s a good thing that I’m married, now, isn’t it?” she asks her husband.
Said husband looks like he would much rather be anywhere but there. “So – so true, honey.”
Marinette remembers, dully, that both of them are cheating on each other. She wonders if they know. She wonders if either of them will be around next week.
She will live, though.
“Thank the gods I decided I wasn’t going to date anyone until college,” Marinette jokes lightly.
Tim wheezes.
She didn’t think that the joke was that funny.
“Yep, isn’t that… convenient?” he says, sounding pained.
She looks over at him, frowning, and finds him leaning against the banister. His hands grip the marble, his knuckles turning white. She is pretty sure that this is the palest she has ever seen him.
Dread begins to trickle down her back.
“Tim?”
He winces.
“You like someone that doesn’t like you back, don’t you?”
He nods ever so slightly, his gaze determinedly pointed at their feet.
“It’s not Bernard, is it?” she tries.
He shakes his head.
And Marinette can’t help it – she bursts out laughing. Until she is gasping for breath between peals of laughter. She laughs so hard she feels tears begin to well in her eyes.
Tim jolts to look at her. “What the hell is funny about any of this?”
“I was just thinking…” she quickly swipes her fingers beneath her eye in fruitless hopes that her mascara won’t run, still giggling. “I was wondering if this was going to be the start of my supervillain arc or something.”
Tim gives her an incredulous look.
This, of course, only makes her laugh harder.
~
One week to live, max.
It is… an interesting stipulation. She assumes that ‘Poison Ivy’ wants her victims to suffer, but why only for a week?
It could be that the ‘disease’ (Marinette refuses to believe that plants can be in any way sentient) is fast-acting, but it also might be a safeguard of sorts. Maybe there is a way to counteract the disease, some sort of cure.
Maybe that was hopeful thinking.
Maybe that would be worse for her in the long run. It is probably easier to give up – like Tim seems to have, it has not escaped her notice that it is lunchtime and he still hasn’t attended any of their shared classes – and accept that there is nothing you can do instead of trying fruitlessly to find a solution.
After all, she is just a random high schooler. Even if there is a cure of some sort, there is nothing that she can do. She is only passing her biology class by the skin of her teeth! She can’t deal with a bioweapon!
She presses her face into her hands. The cafeteria is silent. Basically no one is attending classes today. They’re all stressed about the bioweapon thing and don’t want to spend their last moments in a classroom.
She gets that.
And yet.
She doesn’t want to be alone right now.
She wants her best friend.
But, while he is her best friend, she isn’t his. And the thought makes her want to be sick. For once, the fact that her skin tinges green in the school cafeteria isn’t actually due to the food. She hasn’t eaten any, and she can't even smell it thanks to the horrible sugary smell that has been trapped in her nose since the Gala.
She pushes her plate out of the way and sinks to rest her head against the table, as if it might soothe her headache.
It doesn’t.
Most likely because the headache is more metaphorical than literal.
It’s a bit literal, too, though. She’s probably gritting her teeth.
How could she not?
She doesn’t want to talk to Tim. She doesn’t want to know how many of their interactions over the years they hadn’t been on the same page for. Doesn’t want to have to think about all of the joking flirting they had done, and how it had only been a joke for her.
She understands that he has feelings, and that he can’t help them, but that doesn’t make her feel any less violated.
Because, ultimately, if she had known she wouldn’t have behaved in all of the same ways, and it feels like that is part of the reason why he hadn’t told her.
He probably didn’t want things to change in their relationship, but why doesn’t she get a say in that?
Things had changed. She just hadn’t been told about it.
So, why does she still want to go to him? She feels betrayed. By him. He is the very reason she is upset, and yet she still wants to seek comfort in him.
She hates emotions. Can she have a refund? Yeah, she’s lost the receipt and all, but…
She can’t bring herself to care enough to finish the joke, even in her own mind.
It was stupid, anyway.
The silence in the cafeteria is almost oppressive.
A hand taps her on the shoulder and she hesitates, considering playing dead to make them go away. Then she realizes that she might actually convince people that she was dead, considering the current circumstances, so she lifts her head.
Bernard takes a seat beside her, smiling. The prick had been out of town during the Gala. Lucky him. If he had gone, he would currently be dying due to his unrequited crush on Tim’s stepmom.
“You should go visit him,” he says, as if it’s really that simple.
She gives him a flat look. He had always been an airhead. You’d think that watching your friend die in front of you in a mob-related school shooting would wisen you up some, but Bernard remains entirely without a brain.
She supposes she should have expected this. After all, Brucie Wayne exists. Clearly, it is possible.
“It’s not that easy,” she says, sinking back against the table again, wondering if she can meld with it and avoid the conversation.
“I know. But you’re going to regret it if you don’t.”
Marinette pauses and lifts her head to meet his eyes.
She hates it when the dumbest person in the room makes a good point.
Because doesn’t that make her the new dumbest person by default?
Still, she is also the most stubborn, so she glares at him. “I’m sorry, if I was dying because I secretly had a crush on you this whole time, would you want to come visit me?”
Bernard, to his credit, actually considers this. And then, in true Bernard fashion, just shrugs.
She groans. “I’ll be fine.”
He snorts. “You’re not even fine now. Mari, no offense, but have you seen yourself?”
“Sorry for not looking great after finding out my best friend of several years is going to die because I can’t reciprocate his feelings,” she says flatly.
Bernard sobers, if only slightly.
He sighs, matching her posture. “You’re going to regret it if you don’t,” he repeats.
Marinette glares at the tray in front of her like it has personally offended her. To be fair, it has – who decided that melted cheese on bread is a good entree?
“I’m going to go grab something else for lunch,” she says, pushing the tray over to him. “No one is doing classes today, anyway.”
Bernard doesn’t say a word about her dumb excuse. Maybe he is too concentrated on the terrible ‘food’ that has been forced upon him.
She can’t bring herself to care. As long as no one questions her, she will be fine.
~
Marinette stares up at the wooden lattice that she can use to reach Tim’s window. It is supposed to house flowers, she is pretty sure, but they have long since shriveled up and died. It wasn’t due to neglect, the Drakes had always made sure that the outside of their house, at least, was always well tended to. No, this, she was pretty sure that she had just trampled over the plants so many times while visiting her friend that they just stopped bothering to grow.
She supposes that it could be ironic, that the flowers are dead because of her, and flowers are killing her friend because of her, but she can’t seem to find the energy to wax poetic right now.
For a moment, she doesn’t move, her hand resting against the wooden lattice.
Should she hang out with him? If he is going to die, she wants to spend time with him before he goes… but would that make him die faster? Would constant, tiny rejections make the flowers – the disease – take over faster?
How does this stupid fake flower disease even work? What are the stipulations?
She hates being helpless.
She clambers up the lattice and makes sure she is fully seated on the windowsill before she raps her knuckles against the glass. She peers into the dark room, wondering if anyone is even there, trying to make out shapes in the dark.
A lump on the bed slowly shifts, an arm reaching out to flick on a lamp. Tim sits up slowly. He blinks bleary eyes open.
And then he bolts upright.
Tim stares at her, as if he is half convinced that she’s a hallucination.
For a moment, she wishes for that to be the case but, when his otherwise pale cheeks flush with the slightest bit of color upon seeing her, her stomach lurches in a way that assures her that all of this is very much real.
He scrambles to his feet so fast he almost slips on his blanket, and she almost huffs a laugh at the sight. He manages a sheepish smile.
The window latch unlocks and she is allowed to make her way inside.
Tim… doesn’t look great. His pajamas swamp him and his hair is almost painfully messy, but all she can really focus on is how gaunt his face looks.
He looks frail.
A week… max.
Marinette can’t bring herself to speak, not even to say hi.
“I – I didn’t know whether you would come,” he admits.
Marinette manages a ghost of a smile. “I considered not.”
He gives an aborted little laugh. “... well, you’ve always been brutally honest, I guess.”
… was she?
Marinette would say quite the opposite, that she usually beat around the bush for most things, so long as they weren’t vitally important.
But here he was, defending her rudeness with ease, in fact he almost seemed fond. So much so that she almost began to wonder whether he was right and she was the one that was wrong.
Or whether he didn’t even know her. Whether the ‘Marinette’ that he had fallen in love with wasn’t even actually her, but instead some idolized version of her.
She was no angel. She had flaws. She was just a regular person.
She wonders if Tim would agree if she said those words aloud. But, ultimately, she isn’t the type to say that, to bring those things out into the open, so instead she gives a laugh – it is late, and it does nothing to clear the awkward air, but it is already out there, so it’s not as if it can be taken back.
Tim’s smile wavers, if only slightly. “... how about a movie?”
She almost jumps at the opportunity to have something break the silence.
But she soon realizes her mistake because, once the movie is on, there is really no reason to talk anymore. Tim hadn’t put on a purposefully bad movie they could laugh at together. He had opted for Howl’s Moving Castle. The subbed version, they aren’t plebs… but this also meant that they have to concentrate on the movie somewhat in order to keep track of what is going on.
Not that they don’t already know it all by heart. They’ve rewatched it dozens of times over the years.
Marinette had always thought the romance between Howl and Sophie was a little bit forced, but she liked the movie regardless. And, even if she hadn’t, it wasn’t as if she was going to stop Tim from watching the movie he chose when he was going to die soon.
Still.
They are both quiet, as is standard for watching a movie, and yet… this time, it is different. Now, she is aware of the way Tim’s eyes stray to her more often than not.
The silence isn’t the fond, loving kind that people always talk about. It is uncomfortable. It is an unspoken acknowledgment that things have changed.
Marinette wishes, silently, for things to go back to the way they were.
She wants her best friend back.
But it looks as if she is going to have to settle for the next best thing.
She looks at Tim. He’s lying against the pillows in a way that would seem casual if it were not for the sunkenness of his eyes. His lips are curled into the slightest of smiles as he looks at the screen, but he is quick to turn his attention onto her.
She takes on deep breath, steeling herself.
It doesn’t help.
But she still grabs him by the shirt and drags his lips up to meet hers anyway.
She fights down a wave of revulsion.
He can’t die. He can’t! She can bear to live in discomfort. She is not going to live without him, not if she can help it.
He kisses her back. He is, objectively, a good kisser. His hands cradle her face like she is something precious.
She wants to be sick. Her hands ball tighter in his shirt.
She just needs to think of all of those movies. The ones where the girl realizes that she actually loved the guy all along, and was just too stupid to not realize it before.
She swears she can taste copper. She nearly chokes on it.
She does love Tim. He is sweet, and kind, and intelligent, and her best friend. Don’t people talk about how a good friendship leads to a good relationship?
Right?
Right?
He pulls back (finally).
His thumbs swipe beneath her eyes. Had she been crying?
It might not work if she cries.
She doesn’t want to open her eyes. Doesn’t want to see Tim’s face. Doesn’t want to know whether she had accidentally doomed him.
This is all so unfair.
Why is she the one who has to change?
Why can’t he love her in the way she loves him?
She can’t breathe.
She can’t breathe.
She can’t breathe.
She opens her eyes to find his lips stained a deep red. His eyes are wide with horror.
Marinette feels a strange wave of satisfaction. At least it isn’t her, for once.
When she keels forward, coughing into their laps, bloodied flower petals spill from her lips.
#maribat#maribat march#timari#timinette#timmari#as an aroace person hanahaki aus are the fucking worst#so i decided to do a deconstruction
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Can I get a KAY/O x Radiant S/O? Perhaps S/O is the same level of dangerous as Reyna
Hi I am so sorry this took so long to finally post. Thank you all for sticking around as my health finally became manageable. I hope this turned out well, but I do apologize for some and any errors as this was mostly done when I was suffering from migraines daily.
Song Inspos:
Show Me How
The Hunter (mostly for reader's ultimate inspo)
KAY/O x Radiant!Reader
Warnings: typical game violence, nothing in detail. But if anyone needs any warnings added please let me know! Thank you!
Words: 4,000+
Writing under Read More
-In his timeline, you were unmatched, any sign of humanity in you was lost. You were a feral radiant who took no regard for anything or anyone. Didn't matter who or what you were, everyone to you was an enemy in the way.
-Normally one would say you were more beast than human. But that would mean there would have to be some part of humanity left in you. There was nothing but bloodlust.
-So when meeting this universe's you, Kay/0 felt like this was some kind of a curse. It was difficult to separate the face of a monster with that of someone who would never even have the thought to hurt innocent people.
-When fighting it was like you entered a different mindset, your focus entirely on the fight. You could hear better, sense traps nearby that a teammate might miss, if someone’s foot stepped too heavily you would know exactly where they were.
-But this meant little room for banter or chit chat during missions. You had to stay focused, if you didn’t, you might accidentally hurt a teammate during your abilities. And when fighting mirror agents, who look exactly like your friends, makes it all the more difficult to tell who is friend or foe
-So when you were forced to resort to using your ultimate, no one was to be near you.
-Your mind would become nearly primal as you would enter a feral state, your body able to withstand what should be fatal blows, and a punch to rival Breach’s Rolling Thunder.
-it is such a last resort tactic that you've only used it a handful of times. However because of the lack of usage, you had zero to no control of yourself during that time.
-You were to never use your ultimate, unless strictly ordered to. And that would be a last ditch effort. It was too much of a risk to your teammates and yourself. Coming out of that mindset was taxing on you, physically, mentally, emotionally, you name it.
-The best (and safest) way to bring you back was that sound of a music box, a lullaby from your childhood that you had long forgotten the words to, but never the melody. Every agent had the file saved on a device on them, just in case.
-Reyna was someone who, of course, thought it foolish to hold you back. Your potential was being wasted. Besides, if you were to enter that state more, it gives you the chance to be more used to it. “Practice makes perfect, no?” She’d say with a coy smile.
-Her idea was immediately shot down, unsurprisingly. But… her words did hold some truth. You needed to eventually learn to control yourself in that state of mind. Brimstone ordered that you work with Killjoy and Kay/o to make a device that could help you better control your powers. Possibly even let you use a smaller percentage of that power when needed.
-Kay/o bluntly suggested the use of a suppressing collar, Killjoy scolding him harshly on that one, you weren’t an animal! But the idea of some type of device that could emanate suppression on your powers was a good start. Killjoy decided to come up with a few drafts, leaving the two of you alone for a while.
Kay/o seemed comfortable in the silence, minding his own business and working on his arm at a table as you awkwardly sat behind him. “Thank you for helping out, Kay/o.” You tried to break the ice. He’s never directly talked with you, maybe he just wasn’t good at starting conversation?
“Brimstone ordered that I help create a device to help contain your radiant powers.” He said almost coldly. “Nothing more than that.”
Sure, he’s slowly gotten around to seeing the others as themselves, and even becoming friends with them. Casually bantering with Phoenix even. But in the case of you… it was harder. In his timeline, at least there were senses of human emotions in radiants, even if they were evil. But you? That… thing that was supposed to be you, it only seemed like it wanted to destroy anything and anyone that moved. He never saw any piece of humanity in you. And now, meeting you and helping you feels wrong. He was built to destroy radiants like you.
Instead of the eyes of a killer, you had the eyes of a nervous child at the first day of a new school.
His answer left you feeling shunned. You knew somewhat of his situation, that he came from an alternate future where radiants nearly destroyed humanity, and traveled in time to the present in order to help prevent that from happening again. It made sense that he wouldn’t much like you, but he was friendly with the other radiants, or at least most of them, so what made you different?
“Oh… I see.” You looked away. “I’m sorry to have troubled you. You probably wanna be doing anything other than being stuck babysitting.” It felt like there should be more to apologize for, but you didn’t know what for.
The sound of your voice softening makes Kay/o glance over his shoulder. You looked dejected, wringing your hands as you sunk in more to the couch.
…Dammit. You really weren’t the other you, he reminded himself. It wasn’t your fault that the two of you shared the same face and name. You were being friendly and considerate ever since you joined the protocol. If you ever had ill intent, you would have never even mentioned the dangers of your power. You seemed to want this power under control more than he wanted to prevent it. You were making an effort to avoid disaster, and yet he still gave the cold shoulder.
Kay/o looked back at his opened arm, resuming the small adjustments he was making. You weren’t some monster changed by war, you were just some newbie to the team, one who wanted to fit in and keep others safe. And he was acting as if that was a bother to him. How idiotic.
Though never needing to breathe, Kay/o gave the sound of a sigh. “If I’m stuck babysitting, you’re the tallest baby I’ve ever met.” He loosely tried to restart the conversation.
The sudden light hearted comment makes you snort. His voice had changed, sounding more like how he normally does tone wise. “Fair enough, but what kind of babysitter wears pants, but no shoes or shirt?” You ask with a laugh.
The frigid tension previously surrounding the two of you melted fast. Why did he had to be a, as Jett has put it, ‘a hard ass.’ Kay/o shakes his head. “One not getting paid enough apparently.” His voice held a grin.
-After finally breaking the ice with him, you and Kay/o easily became pals. Despite being a robot, his sense of humor is immaculate, easily fitting in with the banter of the other agents.
-Killjoy had come up with the plans of supresent bracelets. “Much better than a shock collar if you ask me.” Her glare at Kay/o even made you shudder. Kay/o did apologize for the implications of the original idea though.
-You wore a bracelet on each wrist, fitting tight enough not to ever slip off. They seemed unbreakable as well, as they were supposed to hold up even in your unleashed form. The feeling of the suppression was a bit of an adjustment to get used to, it was like a weighted blanket surrounding your very being, but in time you were able to.
-Kay/o was the one who helped and specialized in the suppression tech side of it. There were days with lots of hand holding as he helped adjust that day’s suppression. Many of which you began to take advantage to loosely flirt during.
-“Y’know if you just wanted to hold my hand, you could just ask me.” You’d say, trying not to giggle at your own awful flirting. Kay/o caught on pretty quick, and had a hard time deciding to either shut you down or tease you back. At times he’d deadpanned as he dropped your hand, hearing you quickly apologize and ask for him to continue helping. The other times he’d hum, asking if you really needed an adjustment or if you needed an excuse to come see him.
-Though one day when he said that, you reminded him that it was him that requested you to visit him that day. He had no face to show any embarrassment, but his hand still came up to cover it, but enjoying the laugh you shared with him.
-It’s been some time now since first putting on those suppression bracelets. You’ve grown accustomed to it.
-After so many missions together, you and Kay/o became quite the dynamic duo. Which led to many nights in the training room talking to each other. You opened up about your fears of losing yourself, that one day you might not be able to “come back”.
-Kay/o finally explained in detail what happened to him, how he saw the world basically fall apart, and defeated Reyna in his timeline. The curiosity of what you were like on the other side ate at you, and you asked him. He was hesitant on telling you, he hadn’t thought about the version of you in a long time. But the look on your pleading face broke him, and he told you. The pained look on your face as he told you your greatest fear had come true made him wish he didn’t tell you. “But that isn’t- it wasn’t you, and it won’t be.” He reassured you. “I promise.”
-You may or may have not cried when he said that. Ok you cried.
-Kay/o panicked at first, thinking you thought of it as a threat or something negative, but you shook your head telling him it actually warmed your heart that he said that. “I know it’s not as much of the same, but I promise that we’ll keep rebooting you.” You smiled. “Even if I gotta hook you up to some double A batteries.” He chuckled at your statement, saying you’d need a lot of batteries if that was the case. But he thanked you.
-While you’ve made some small progress on using your strength outside of your ultimate, you were still nowhere near safe to be around during it. Though able to banter and hold conversations with your team, your ultimate was still another story. You would still need direct permission to use it. And unfortunately, this was going to be one of those rare missions where you might need it.
“Evac is still less than 5 minutes out, what’s the situation, you two?” Sage asked on your ear piece.
“Low on ammo and we’re pinned down.” Kay/o reported behind the concrete barrier.
“Don’t forget to mention that they blew your freaking arm off!” You piped in, firing off the last of your clip haphazardly at the enemy agents, then ducking back down next to Kay/o.
“Yes, they also ‘blew my freaking arm off’, Mirror Raze had a lucky satchel.” Kay/o informed. “Support fire is currently limited.”
The crack sound of a bullet ricocheting off your cover makes your head duck. “If you guys could kick it into a faster gear, that’d be great!” You said over comms.
“We’re hurrying as fast as we can, but it will still take us a few minutes till we’re there.” Brimstone answered.
Gritting your teeth, you curse as you reload your gun. Your bracelets pulsed with another wave of enforced suppression, your hand subtly shaking with pain. Normally the enforcement isn’t needed, but during these tight firefights it puts your powers into overdrive, that primal power trying to claw its way out.
Grunting in annoyance, you sent another flurry of bullets at the enemy. “Not sure how much longer I can hold them off for, but I’ll try.” You said to your team as you hid again.
There’s a few beats of silence on the comms, when Brimstone speaks again. “Y/n, are you in a position to use your ultimate?”
The question startles you, making you hesitate to answer. You look towards Kay/o, seeing the sorry state he’s been put in, you weren’t going to make it worse. But before you can give your answer, Kay/o does.
“Only collateral would be me, Brim.” He looks at you directly. “Just make sure to fix me up right, and make sure Raze stays out of my stuff.” Though he says it over comms, he says it to you.
You furrow your brows. “What? No-“
“Understood. Y/n, you’re clear to engage.” Brimstone gives his order.
“I’m not doing that, you could get hurt!” You shake your head, talking directly to Kay/o.
“In the end I’ll be fine, you on the other hand-“ he’s interrupted by another few shots into your shared cover.
“I’ll be fine in the end too, than.” You plead. “If something happens, just hand me off to Sage. I’m not going to become that thing!”
Kay/o didn’t understand. He’s had to be rebooted before, this wasn’t new. And you hadn’t expressed your fear of being lost in a long time. “Y/n, I promised you that we’ll make sure you come back-“
Footsteps interrupt him as you hear footsteps come closer. You swing up, shooting the Mirror Phoenix down. But before he’s downed he manages to clip your ear, making you hiss in pain as you come back down. Touching your ear, you bring your hand down to see your own blood.
“Y/n,” Kay/o reaches his hand towards you. But you know he’s trying to remove the suppression from your bracelets.
Yanking your hand away from him, you hold it close to your chest. “I don’t need to come back if I’m not changing.” You snap. “I’m not letting you see me that way. Not ever again.”
Before he can register fully what you said, what you truly meant by that, you get up to fire off again. Even after hitting the enemy Skye, you refused to back down. Vaulting over your cover, you run over to the downed Phoenix’s gun, using what ammo it had left to push them back.
Kay/o couldn’t manage to get himself up in time before hearing the final shot from your gun. The enemy Viper and Sova lay dead. You were left panting and riddled with grazes from bullets, but not dead. But your arms still clutched the gun as if still ready to fire the next shot. The glow from your bracelets rivaling that of Astra's arm.
Before Kay/o can confront you, he hears the sound of the Valorant aircraft nearing. “Y/n, Kay/o, we’re nearing your position, what’s the status of your situation?” Sage speaks again through the comms.
“They’re down.” Your voice is strained, your shoulders finally slacking. Looking behind you, you see Kay/o. “Both still alive.” The gun drops out of your hands as you breathe out harshly, the adrenaline dropping off quickly. “Ready for a nap.”
“Well good job you two.” Brimstone responds. “Sounds like you didn’t need your ultimate. Makes it easier for us too."
Everything gets blurry as you chuckle, shaking your head trying to clear your head. “Yeah. Don’t need that crap.” You don’t notice that you’re about to fall over when Kay/o grabs you, steadying you in place enough for you to focus on him. “See? Told you.” You whisper at him.
But whatever he replied with, you have no idea. Passing out just as the team arrived.
-Refusing to remove the suppression from your bracelets caused your body to basically go into adrenaline x2. Though it didn’t affect your mind luckily, it took a toll on your body.
-Kay/o struggled keeping you up, almost falling with you as he held you up from falling to the ground. Holding someone up properly while you can barely hold yourself up, plus missing and arm, is harder than you think.
-Sage and Skye helped patch you up easily while Killjoy and Cypher (and Raze watching from afar) fixed up Kay/o. But despite your wounds being minor, they kept you in the med bay in order to watch over you for the next few days. You’d be out for a few days, Sage had informed everyone.
-When the debrief was done, Sage pulled Kay/o aside. “I have already mentioned this to KJ, but I know you helped create their suppression device as well.” Her brows knitted together in concern. “There were burn marks beneath the bracelets.”
-Kay/o explained what had happened back there, how you refused to remove the suppression, and as well with what you had said. She slowly nodded. “It would be different if they had let themselves change, but they were awake and fully aware of the suppression burning them.” You had gone through that pain just to stop him from experiencing anymore trauma, he realized.
-The next few days Kay/o could have been mistaken for a statue, he never left your side. He didn’t need to eat or sleep. But he needed you and he needed to see you ok.
-During the days of waiting gave Kay/o time to think, to go over what happened. What you said. What it meant to him, to you. He thought back to previous missions, how you were the one to cover him the best, despite the fact he didn’t need it as much. And he was unknowingly doing the same. When did he ask you to stop by, when did you stop asking when to come by, you just would. Almost every day he never expected you to stop by, he knew you would. If you didn’t, he would miss you, and even go out to find you himself. When did these jokes and teasing become real? Why only now was he seeing what you’ve become to him?
In another life he saw you rip a human's heart out. And now you unknowingly, but delicately, hold his.
The groan from you makes him sit up straight. Your hand came up, pressing against your forehead as your eyes fluttered open. When your eyes finally focus you see Kay/o next to you. “Mornin’ sunshine.” You give a tired half grin.
Before he can answer, Sage enters, coming over to check on you. “Good evening, Y/n, glad to have you back. How do you feel?” She places a glass of water on the bedside table.
“Mm… like I got hit with a truck.” You grumble, rubbing your eyes due to the bright fluorescent lights. “But alive, I suppose.”
Sage hums in acknowledgment. “Given what you put your body through, I’m not surprised.” She glances at Kay/o, sensing his anticipation on needing to talk to you. “I’ll inform the others that you’re awake now, and grab you a meal to eat so you can take some medication for your pain.” Bowing her head at the two of you, she leaves.
There’s a few beats of silence before either of you speak.
“Why?” Kay/o asks.
“You’re gonna have to be more specific.” You sarcastically reply, rolling your eyes. But you knew what was coming.
“Would you like a list of my questions?” He matched your sarcasm, except his tone was much more annoyed. “Why did you refuse to use your ultimate?”
“I already told you before.” You shrug, looking away from him.
"Then look at me and tell me again." He said, leaning in.
You side eye him, a weary smile growing. "Want me to look deeply into your eyes?"
"Y/n." Ok he's serious.
Sighing you finally give in. "I don't want you to see me like that. I remember what you told me. What I was."
"But you've never been that because that was never you. I know you, I see you, you are you. You are kind, giving, and protective. That monster was not any of those things.
"But I BECOME like that person-"
"Like them and being them is different. The other you couldn't come back no matter what, nor showed any sign of wanting to." He looks at your hands.
There’s silence between you two. More should really be said right now but… neither even knows where to begin.
Before the conversation can continue, that’s when Sage returns with your food, followed in tow by some of your friends wanting to eagerly check in on you. Kay/o took this as a sign to leave.
-Your recovery is quick enough thanks to Sage and Skye treating you
-Brim gives you a bit of a talking to about not listening to his orders but understands your hesitations. He orders (supervised by Kay/o) training with Reyna for you to get a tackle on your ultimate. If things get too wild, the two of them are capable of handling things.
-Its rough, and emotionally taxing, but the reassurement not just from Kay/o but your teammates as well has really helped.
-Speaking of teammates, they tell you just how worried Kay/o was about you. How much time he spent helping you seemed more than just friendly or because Brim told him to.
-Maybe it’s time to finally talk with him.
It's not surprising that he's at the shooting range.
"Y/N," he nods at you. "Did you need something?"
"Oh, nothin. Just y'know, visiting." Oh god don't get cold feet now.
"I'm pretty sure I've told you before that I can tell when you're lying. So what is it that you need?" His voice light, joking, your nerves settle down a little.
"Ok well I don't need anything, but I um… I did want to talk with you." You wring your hands together as Kay/o fully turns towards you.
"I…” you swallow hard. “I really like you. And not as a friend or teammate, but more. I just, I just think that you're sweet and funny, and I think you're incredibly caring.” you smile softly as you look at the floor. “No ones ever cared so deeply about me.”
“But I… understand if you don't feel the same, or if you can't even feel the same.” and awkward chuckle leaves you. “And of course the obvious" you look at your hands, opening them up. "I'm a radiant, the very thing you are meant to…" your hands close as you trail off. "I'm the very thing that goes against who you are, what you were made for."
When you finish there’s silence in the air, and you dare not even look up. Which begins to unnerve you again.
“Uh, you know what you can just- Ignore this, or delete it from your memory and we can act like none of this happened!" You wanted to melt into the floor and disappear.
He’s not responding and now you’re going to lose your mind-
"I… I do feel those emotions.” Kay/o finally speaks, stepping closer towards you. “And I do feel the same, y/n. It is confusing to feel this, but I also know who you are. You are, well, you. Not the other version I knew… I am glad to have met you, the real you." He closes the distance and holds gently onto your hands as you finally look up at him, his presence warm.
“I’m glad to have met you too.” You smile, pressing your forehead against his.
(small bonus)
-Eventually you do become capable enough to control yourself and powers that you no longer need your suppression bracelets.
-They’re finally deactivated but Kay/o doesn’t understand why you still wish you wear them.
-he says there’s no need for it since there’s no purpose to keep wearing them.
-”yes but you made it for me. And it feels weird without it.”
-there he finally understands
-"it… reminds me of you, and of how far I've come… I'm sorry this probably sounds silly-"
-"It's not, y/n. I'm honored that you hold me in such a high regard that you want a memento of me."
"Ok come on now, you're my boyfriend for crying out loud."
#kay/o#kay/o x reader#valorant x reader#valorant kay/o#requests#my posts#my writings#anon#asks#valorant#sfw
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What are your thoughts on Eugene becoming Captain of the Guard? I personally have mixed feelings about it. I understand that they wanted to give Eugene something to do since Rapunzel is going to become Queen. But he’s going to become Prince Consort. Even if he wouldn’t be ruling, he would still get to have input, and give advice to Rapunzel. And it just seemed weird that the Captain would choose Eugene over a bunch of trained soldiers.
I too have mixed feelings about it, for the reasons you state, and because ultimately becoming a part of the guard just doesn't seem like something he'd gel with, let alone captain. It's strange to me that he gave it a shot early in S1, and they discovered he wasn't good at it, but then made him Captain in S3. Yes, he's grown and matured throughout the series, but it's not like he's gotten better at listening to authorities since then.
And yeah, I understand, it's meant to be character growth. Eugene used to not belong there, and now he's in charge. But one would think that the job of Captain would be given to someone who was vying for it, not someone who, until that time, had shown some level of disdain for it and didn't even want it. And I get it, the Corona guard is incompetent and Eugene has been besting them at every turn for the better part of a decade, but honestly, him training them not as Captain seemed to be working out okay (in as much as he kind of left for a year and we have no indication that the training continued when he got back). Besides, the end of the movie (aka the ultimate canon that everything else must be measured against when it comes to this franchise) says that it's Max who whips the Guard into shape, not Eugene.
In my headcanon, Eugene doesn't stay Captain for very long. He gets the kingdom rebuilt, establishes a new way to be a guard, which vastly increases the competence of the troops in general, but then hands over the reins (so to speak) to Max and steps down to help Rapunzel. I see him in an advisory role, based largely upon my headcanon that Rapunzel forms a council of representatives from all the villages in the kingdom. Before laws are passed or big decisions are made, she turns them over to the council to get their input, and she relies heavily on people who are from lower income brackets and overlooked corners of the citizenship. She is determined to improve Corona starting in the gutter and working up. The upper class and nobility don't need as much help as the orphans and criminals do. And Eugene is her most trusted advisor in this department. He was an orphan. He was a criminal. He's intelligent, strategic, and thoughtful. He knows what life is like for the people in that tax bracket, and he gives the best advice on how to help them out.
Thanks to Eugene's advice, free education is implemented, available to every child, and apprenticeships are given to orphans close to aging out of the system so that they have better prospects then becoming criminals or dying. Rapunzel is already an advocate for criminal reformation, but Eugene's advice helps to steer her in what types of reformation work best with what types of mindsets.
Because Rapunzel focuses on helping those who actually need help the most, the overall emotional and economical health of Corona improves, and it becomes truly prosperous, rather than a veneer of prosperity that hides the criminal underbelly. And because she asks for the advice of the council, she also lays the foundations of democracy in Corona. I don't believe it would become truly and fully democratic in her lifetime, but that's at least in part because her changes make the citizens want her to continue leading them.
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do you have any advice for starting working as a full time artist?
Save yourself while you still can....
Just kidding. HM. I can only speak from an Americanized view and honestly it would be pretty broad advice. I can try to answer specific questions but because being a full time artist is really truly SO different for each person it can be tough to say.
One of the best things I can offer is
Find a way to make passive income. Whether that's selling bases, merch, digital art books, digital tutorials, brushes et cetera. Whatever it is that you'd like to do that can take some pressure off of being required to produce art every single month really does help.
Being a full time freelance artist is fucking hard. You wont have health insurance, sick days, PTO, retirement, reasons to go outside (unless you sell art in real life).
You will need to be your social media manager, your accountant, a web designer (for your website), have people skills, able to write a ToS, you will need to learn how to budget, manage your work schedule, promote yourself, able to handle & resolve conflict.
Your way of life will be unstable and unpredictable. There are periods of time where no one will buy commissions and periods where too many people are asking for them.
You will fail at times. And you will need to know how to safely handle that. Whether you hit art block. Or you get sick and your queue becomes unable to be managed. You get in an accident of some sort and need extra funds to cover it. I truly do not recommend jumping straight into full time freelancing if you can help it
I took commissions for about 10 years before I decided to completely quit my job for art. And Im on my second year doing it and
Im burnt tf out. Make sure to start slowly. Learn your rhythm and what keeps you interested and motivated. Gain a consistent audience/clients enough that you can mostly predict how much money youre getting a month and if it can cover not only your immediate expenses but any future ones. If you can save up.
If youre able to put approx. 20% of all your earnings aside just for taxes that you will need to pay. There is a lot to being full time and I dont mean to scare anyone but I do want to really push that it is a huge commitment. It is a passion job. Very few artists make more than just enough to get by.
And again. This is just my experience.
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Fair warning this is a long ranty post about Volition shutting down.
My heart goes out to the workers. I hope you find new jobs that give you as much if not more joy that working for Volition, thank you for all your work. Even when I didn’t like it, I appreciated the passion you put into everything you did.
However the big bosses Embracer Group can suck my tinee tiny slavic cock. They did this on the last of the month and from what I am hearing that mean non of the now ex-workers have health insurance now. Health care is a fucking human right and giving them basically a day of notice they won’t have it isn’t morally bankrupt it should be fucking criminal.
Now I have that out of the way, what even they hell. Why did they even buy them? Most likely a tax write off. A 30 year old studio, a studio full of passionate people who genuinely loved Volition and dedicated their lives to it, a studio who made so much iconic shit, gone overnight. They would have known Volition had been suffering financially when they bought them. If they didn’t want to help them prosper, why even buy them? They had so much potential.
Don’t get me wrong, I hate Deep Silver too, I have since I was a teen. However at least Deep Silver didn’t buy them just to shut them down and try to bury it under all the Starfeild shit. At least Deep Silver has some level of decency.
And no it wasn’t the Reboot alone that made them suffer for all the salty fucks, it probaly didn’t help it got a poor reception but the bed was already laid as far as the financial health stood. I have known since the mid to late 10s V was suffering financially. AOM was a flop money wise for a start, so not, it is not the Reboots fault.
Also can I say with the sincerity of my heart all the people celebrating the mass loss of jobs, I hope you also lose your job and health insurance overnight, it is one of the worst things that can happen to someone and you are taking joy in it? I hope you taste the humble pie one day so you can learn to be more kind.
You won’t get your precious SR2 patch now. It fucking sucks, I wanted it too, don’t get my wrong. But all these OG fans celebrating don’t seem to realise that. You give OG fans a bad fucking name and I am ashamed to share that title with you. I understand not liking V, but celebrating the closer when so many people just lost everything, just wow. That says more about you than anything else could.
As the the future of Saints Row, who knows? DS own it but with the original guys working on it I don’t have much hope and I definitely will not pre-order like I did with Volition. I am just gonna assume SR is well and truly dead for now until I hear otherwise. Hopefully DS hires some of the old guys or something if they work on another SR.
Even with all their fault I fucking loved Volition. You can’t say they didn’t try and they genuinely did love everything they did. Including SR4 that I hated but damn they loved it so who cares. This industry is becoming so cold and corporatised and now we have lost another studio who was not that. It is truly sad.
These massive gaming monopolies are toxic to the industry. Even when I benefit from it with XBStudio, I can’t help but think this is so wrong and how much this will harm gaming in the long run and this is just another sad sentence in that book. It needs to stop. Even if it means game pass might start to suck, its a price I will pay, fuck these big gaming monoplies.
This is a sad day and I am so sad and worried for all those who lost their jobs. I will miss you Volition. You were truly a G of a studio.
I am gonna end this with a good spirited joke me and my friend made before the reboot as excitement for it grew. We really did enjoy that game, even with its faults, the Saints Row series brings me so much joy, so thank you for it. It saved me more times than you could ever know. I have been playing it since 2006 when I was a kid. Now the joke:
‘If you don’t buy the Reboot, Jim Boone will stand at the end of your bed every night with the penetrator and chant buy Saints Row until you do.’ XD
Again, this joke was a good spirited one, we both wanted to play the reboot and I had already pre-ordered it at that point.
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Teehee.
Another late night post. I wrenched my back reaching for my phone charger, and now I think I might sleep on the couch so I dont exacerbate it.
So I'm watching the McElroy brothers play Super Mario World, have a heating pad pushing on my ouchies. And with Christmas coming up, lets do a teensy thought bubble.
This year has been absolutely crazy. A year ago I was negotiating a ridiculous raise at my last company, as everything fell apart around us because they had just demoted the obly other project manager. Meanwhile, my boss and the owner of the company was in South America because he doesn't like cold weather.
Now I'm unemployed, Kenna has a job, and I've spent most of the year playing video games and napping. No job prospects as of now, but who knows what this week holds.
We used our tax return money to fund a dream trip to Japan. We got a whole house to ourselves, finally got passports, registered for the train pass, and planned so many things.
We skipped the trip because I couldn't hold my anxiety in check after opening up the Pandora's box of emotional mess that is me. And neither of us regrets it. We haven't complained that we missed out. Other than the loss of money (almost the whole fucking trip sadly) were good with it.
Now onto my all time favorite subject. My friends.
This year, I reaffirmed my love for many old friends, and got closer with a few. I lost a couple to differences of opinions, and I just can't bring myself to be broken hearted. They have hate in their heart, I just can't. Finally, I met people who changed my whole world.
Last year, I got to attend a friends wedding and meet him for the first time, and I thought I was going to die. We had a wonderful time, and the warmth of the hugs I got changed me forever.
Earlier this year, I befriended my beloved Oat. I have a friend that I can bullshit with, who can somehow get me talling about the deepest stuff, who makes me feel heard and felt. She helped me with so much, including my mental health, relationship help, self confidence, and my streaming. Oat, I think you'll see this. I need you on my stream again soon, I miss you! Forehead kisses!
Then in August, while streaming some batshit crazy stuff (encouraged as always by Oat! < 3) I got raided. I figured cool, another Zelda streamer, maybe we can help each other out. Tch, to underestimate something so drastically. Not only did she inspire me to up my streaming game, Rachine collabs with me, has brought me tons of followers, workshops streams and tech issues with me (sometimes live on air) and most importantly, become one of my closest, dearest friends. She pushed me to play some of her favorite games, and brought me back to FFXIV. She encourages me and inspires me to try new things. (And yes, you're always right).
She also let me join her FC, and opened up a whole new world of friends. I have befriended some of the warmest, kindest people who went out of their way to make me feel welcome. They run dungeons, they answered questions, they carried my ass.
Finally, Jengo (who is not online other than streaming. Purest of us.) Who is part of Rachine's FC. She was the first one to essentially insist I run a dungeon with her, she made time for me to walk me through my combos, has mentored my climbing skills, answers more questions than anyone.
All of them also sit in VC with me when I'm having anxiety or breakdowns, support me when I doubt, encourage me. They are my family and I just...
Look, I know I dont shut up about them. This isn't a grab for brownie points, it's not attention. Its me workshopping how to express my deep love and gratitude to them without making them uncomfortable or laying it on too thick. Maybe they never read this, maybe they never have to put up with it for the fifth time this week. How do you properly express it to them? Telling someone you love them only gets me so far. Even with Kenna. After 17 years, saying I love you doesnt feel like the proper way to tell her shes my world.
As I regularly talk about, I am not a brief person. I am almost pathologically incapable of keeping any kind of explanation short. After a certain point, a 60 paragraph diatribe on how important someone is gets tired. I love my friends.
Its been an up and down year, but I have to say I wouldnt trade it for anything. I need those people in my life, because I am a gigantic baby and the alternative is I have internet access and no friends. That would be worse than what you have to read now.
To my friends: thank you. I love you. Happy holidays. Thank you.
#tell your friends you love them#mental health#wholesome#friends#hugs and kisses#forehead kisses#hugs
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Hello friend :) always happy to see you on my dash. Just wanted to pop in and ask, how have you been doing lately? Do you have any new goals you’ve set out for this new year? (I hesitate to say New Year’s resolution bc I feel like not many really make those or keep up with them but instead I like the idea of making overall goals for myself to improve my mental health, personal/social well being etc etc)
Hi Chichi! I've also been seeing you on my dash more often and it's been absolutely lovely seeing you around again.
I totally get what you mean abotu New Year's resolutions. It's such a loaded concept, so I've also reframed it as goals for the new year.
My intentions for 2023 is to be curious, explore more and be kind to myself.
For me, 2022 was very much a year of survival. I was a full time grad student, which wasn't easy. Then I graduated, and had to hardcore study for my licensing exam. Then I started my career and got my first real adult full-time job that is very mentally taxing. On top of that, my grandmother died, my other grandmother got dementia, a close family relative is in the late stages of cancer, and my mother (who I live with) went back to Japan for several months and I had to become more self-sufficient.
A lot of good things happened in 2022, but a lot of really hard things happened too, and all of my energy was dedicated to surviving and being able to function. I didn't have any room to do anything else.
So for 2023, I want to give myself the ability to be curious and explore any and all interests I have. Now that things have calmed down and I'm getting used to being a full time adult, I want to be able to do things that I wasn't able to in 2022.
I have a lot of interests, and I've historically dabbled in a ton of stuff, but never really kept at it for very long. So instead of talking myself out of things, I want to just pursue any whim that I have while being kind and gentle with myself since I'm a beginner.
The first whim that I'm following is drawing! I want to get really good at sketching. I've somehow convinced the people around me that I'm a good artist despite being absolutely horrible at art, because I'm pretty decent at copying. So I decided to embrace it and just start practicing and copyhing things! I pulled out some old art books, and honestly I was pretty surprised at how good I was at drawing now, compared to when I was really into it when I was younger.
So hoping that I can carry this energy and experience into the rest of 2023!
It’s Sleepover Sunday: Come chat with me!
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this is a post that has honestly been a long time coming. i’ve been putting it off for as long as i can, but i don’t think i can put it off any longer.
i’m closing down this account.
at the beginning of my hiatus, originally supposed to allow me time to settle back into balancing full time study and part time work, i envisioned a short time to sort my life out and come back. a month, maybe a month and a half at most. that was until i figured out how taxing my final year of university was actually going to be, and how much energy it was going to take to just make it through every day. i had things in my life i had to prioritise - including my health - and slowly but surely coming back to the chatbot community fell further to the wayside.
the longer i left it, the more i realised that i just… didn’t want to come back. i enjoyed the writing, i enjoyed the creativity, but i struggled to find a reason why i had to do it on this account. i struggled to find a reason why i couldn’t just write for the sake of writing, why it had to be in a roleplay/chatbot setting. so that’s exactly what i did. while i’ve been away, i’ve been writing poetry, short stories, making progress on a story i started last year. i even posted one on my main account which did… way better than i expected it to. i’ve been working on creative endeavours outside of tumblr too, and in the time since i went on hiatus from this blog, i’ve begun to take incredible pride in what i do for fun.
i guess one of the reasons why i didn’t want to come back is because some of the toxicity i’ve witnessed within this community. that isn’t to say that everyone here is terrible and i hate them etc. it’s quite the opposite actually, i love all the creators i’ve befriended through opening this chatbot late last year. however, there is a vocal minority of people that by merely operating this blog i have become associated with. they are the people i no longer wish to be connected to, and are a part of the reason why i will be deactivating this blog in due course.
that isn’t to say i’m leaving tumblr, or that i didn’t enjoy running this blog. i left tumblr and came back already, it’d be a mission to do it a second time. as corny as it sounds, this blog taught me so many valuable lessons about my self worth, the important things in life, and what i want out of the k-pop tumblr community. i had a bit of an epiphany, i guess, surrounding tumblr and how none of this actually matters to my life. i’m not going to be remembered for this blog, i do not wish to be remembered for this blog, more do i have any intention of being remembered for this blog.
thank you for all your support. even during this time of inactivity, the notifications in my inbox remind me of all the people that took time out of their days to message me, interact with the posts i made. i’m sorry i wasn’t the best at responding back, but i hope this post gives you all closure.
aussiecb97 was (for lack of better words) for shits and giggles. and i had my fun. so now on to new shenanigans. if you want to follow me on my main account, it’s @misosick. come hang out.
- lily a.k.a admin 🪢
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Mid 2021 to Now
Miserable job
Declining mental health
Lose contact with almost entire social circle by neglecting friendships
Lose job
Find out someone close to my family knowingly exposed us to Covid and doesn’t feel bad
Black mold
Landlord sells apartment building (que constant stream of realtors, potential buyers, contractors etc through home)
Family member goes missing
Black mold returns
Wedding chaos
Unemployment continues
Existential crisis with war and roe vs wade
Gets Covid
Gets job (its going well), a more advanced role in a new industry, its incredibly fun but taxing
Really horrible thing happens (its not mine to share)
Boss goes on vacation and leaves me in charge, very overwhelming
Very close family member gets hit by a car. They’re fine, just some road rash and bruises. Head was checked for concussion or other trauma and was given a clean bill of health. This maybe where I truly broke. Upon receiving this news, I laughed hysterically for 20 minutes. This was a terrible cherry on top.
Holiday season starts: decide to protect my peace but cutting back how I observe. Too many inescapable obligations still make it time consuming and financially draining, thereby creating an emotional drain I tried to avoid
Get new apartment, still feeling uncertain about this decision. Going on trip just days after move in. Not prepared for trip and losing sight of the excitement of trip in the anxiety.
There’s more but it’s so much I honestly forget events and need to be reminded of them, like getting my identity stolen.
There have been some not so great evolutionary changes. Like, small habits that change slowly over time so slowly they’re not noticeable.
But there have been some deep foundational shifts for something better. Pieces of me are snapping into place to create the me I need and dream to be. Things will change because I’m unstoppable.
They say when a caterpillar goes into a cocoon, it doesn’t evolve into a butterfly. It consumes its own body and becomes a pile of goo contained in a cocoon. I’m a pile of goo.
I’m going to document here more often
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Charisma House - Superhuman Sharehouse Story “Charisma” - #3 Order (Kusanagi Rikai)
The Charisma of Order, Kusanagi Rikai. A guardian of integrity who does not tolerate any mistakes. He is always keeping an eye on the residents’ movements.
Please read alongside listening to the drama track on Youtube.
(Terra is eating potato chips)
(Rikai blows his whistle) PPPPPPPPPPPPPIIII
Rikai: That’s the fourth one, Terra-san
(Terra continues to eat)
PPPPPPPIIIIII
Rikai: Fifth one.
PPPPPPPIIIII
Rikai: Sixth one.
PPPPPPPIIIII
Rikai: Seventh.
Terra: Rikai-kun
Rikai: Yes? What may there be?
Terra: Any reason why you’re counting the chips that I’m eating? You’re bothering me, I can’t eat like this.
Rikai: I beg your pardon.
Rikai: However, on the contrary why do you think that I am doing this, Terra-san
Terra: Eh
Rikai: Let us ponder for a second. Reflection is one of the utmost sublime deeds that humans are blessed with.
Terra: Uh?
Rikai: Why, Rikai understands it quite well.
Rikai: It is true that potato chips have a rather devious appeal.
Rikai: Even while fully aware what negative effects it has for your body, you subconsciously keep reaching out for more.
Rikai: Chemical seasoning, antioxidants, acrylamide
Rikai: Incidentally, it is said that for the sake of preventing obesity and poor health abroad, countries have implemented a potato chip tax.
Terra: Haah?
Rikai: You are mistreating your body. It’s foolish. Ignorant even.
Rikai: The only one who can overcome this is yourself.
Terra: What kind of lecture is this now
Terra: All I’m doing is having my fill of chips this evening
Rikai: Come now, it is less than two hours until it’s time for dinner.
Rikai: Thus we all know it isn’t smart to stuff yourself with snacks at the moment, right?
Terra: Who’re you? My mother?
Rikai: Now gather the courage and let’s return the next potato chip right back into the back.
Terra: Not doing that. I’m still eating
Rikai: I’m certain that you’re able to do this, Terra-san. Have some more faith in yourself
Terra: I already had that before this. What? You’re kinda scary. Go away
Rikai: Confiscation!
Terra: HEY! Why did you take it!
Rikai: Terra-san, marvelous! Why~ you showed some well self-restraint there
Terra: I didn’t, you took it away from me.
Rikai: What a good boy
Terra: Don’t pat my head. Get away from me Rikai
Rikai: Order is All Green.
Terra: Eh what did I just see there… scary
(Rikai opens the window)
Rikai: Aah. The correct thing has been diligently and rightfully executed. How invigorating.
Rikai: RIGHTFULNESS IS GLORIOUUUUUUS!!
(Rikai closes the window)
Terra: Why did you open the window to yell outside!? It’s scary! Just yikes!
(Terra grabs the bag back from Rikai)
Rikai: -Like I said Terra-san, we’ll be having dinner in about two hours
Terra: Shut up
Rikai: Eh! Shut up? Is that how you treat those who are speaking in the name of rightfulness?
Terra: Gross
Rikai: GROSS!?
Rikai: Eeeh….
Rikai: Why does society frown so upon humans who advocate for what is correct…
Rikai: Well, certainly ever since I was a child I’d be told how I’m “too stiff”, “obstinate” and “annoying” countless of times. However, I absolutely pay no mind to the words of fools.
Terra: You should! You absolutely should!
Rikai: Now, give that bag to me Terra-san
(Terra keeps eating and Rikai blows his whistle)
Rikai: Cease with eating
(Rikai blows his whistle again)
Rikai: You’ll become unhealthy. A pig.
(Terra continues to eat)
Rikai: Terra-san!? Don’t ignore me!
Rikai: I’m worried for you, your body will be ruined you know? You won’t be able to eat dinner anymore, will you? Opt for a well-balanced diet!
Sarukawa: Shut the hell up! Fuck off! Why do you always need to keep rattling about everything single damned thing.
Sarukawa: Let him eat as much snacks as he wants, moron
Rikai: Mo…moron, you say… Towards me out of all….
Terra: He’s annoying, right
Sarukawa: Yeah he’s deranged for real
Terra: So unwelcome
Sarukawa: Fuckin’ hate him
Terra: Bet he’s totes unpopular~
Sarukawa: AHAHA! As if he could ever score some gals to begin with
(Rikai slams his hands on the table)
Rikai: My condolences… both of you….
Terra & Sarukawa: Eh?
Rikai: It seems that within this household, the one who had to reform his way of living, was me all along…
Terra: Haah, do you get it now? Good for you then.
Sarukawa: Watch yourself from now on, dumbass
Rikai: Time to unleash.
Terra & Sarukawa: Eh?
(Rikai takes a deep breath)
Rikai: I TELL YOU SO KINDLY YET YOU DARE GET COCKY YOU IGNORANT SHEEEEEEEP
Rikai: I WILL SLAUGHTER ALL OF YOU BASTAAAAAARDS
(Rikai putting Sarukawa in a headlock)
Sarukawa: AAAH It hurts! Ow! Oww!
Rikai: ORDER WILL BE MAINTAINED!
Terra: AUH! That tickles! That tickles~
Rikai: ORDER WILL BE PROTECTED!
Rikai: DO NOT SNACK INBETWEEN MEALS! YOU’LL LICK YOUR DINNER PLATES ALL CLEAAAAAN!!
Terra: You’re THAT mad!?
Rikai: RIGHTFULNESS IS GLORIOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUS!!!!!!!!
Sarukawa: Yep. No doubt he’s the most unhinged.
Charisma charge: SUCCESS
Kusanagi Rikai, Terra, Sarukawa Kei
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All About Numbers
Am I the only one growing frustrated with “progressive” voters (US-centric, sorry) and their inability to understand how math and our government work?? Sorry if you weren’t paying attention in Civics class, but you’ve probably been required to study this stuff three times - junior high/ middle school, high school, and college/university.
At this point there isn’t much that a president can do about the recent (and upcoming - be very afraid) decisions made by SCOTUS. They have LIFETIME APPOINTMENTS. Not saying that at least three of the current justices couldn’t be justifiably impeached, but it’s not going to happen.
This is the hard lesson on “protest votes” - Everybody who thought a protest vote against Hillary because she was “too corporate” owns this. Trump appointed (god it hurts to put this in print) THREE (count ‘em, three) conservative justices. Biden can’t touch that.
The Congress is pretty evenly split in both houses. Biden can suggest any legislation he wants. It won’t get passed. Period.
But, “End the filibuster!”
Can’t happen, THE MATH DOESN’T WORK. The GOP vote as a block. There will be ZERO GOP votes for that, and the Dems won’t vote as a block. It only takes one Dem to vote against and it fails. Right now more than one Dem Senator would vote against, so IT FAILS.
This, my compatriots, is why Biden and Dem leaders are all saying VOTE MORE. If you don’t like the conservative direction the courts have turned, if you don’t like that women have lost a Constitutional right to making their own health decisions, if you are worried that the court will overturn the right of all people to marry the person they love, if you are concerned that members of the LGBTQ+ community could lose their Constitutional protections, if you are worried that ideology is replacing science in the legislative process, then VOTE. And get others to VOTE. No matter who, vote BLUE. And with a conservative SCOTUS, State other local offices are even more important than ever. Think global, vote local.
My friends this is not a drill. This is our democracy on life support. Historically the party in the White House loses seats in the midterm elections. Why? The supporters of that party become complacent and don’t show. People who voted for the POTUS get angry that their pet issues haven’t passed (even when it’s the Congress, not the WH, that passes legislation ... remember Civics class?) And of course, the opposing party blames every problem in the world on the US President, even when that person can do nothing about them, even when they helped cause the problems (cough, GOP tax cuts, cough).
Dems are imperfect at best, but the GOP is immeasurably worse if you care about the issues named above.
The Dems cannot lose seats in the midterms. The GOP is poised to make sure that they never lose control of the Congress and White House again, and SCOTUS will not step in to block the laws they are going to pass.
“Them’s the facts.”
We need to fight early, fight hard, fight to the end. In my district we just selected the weakest of the 4 main candidates to run against a very competitive GOP candidate. Our Blue district will likely be flipped in November, but I will be making phone calls and knocking on doors and doing whatever I can to fight that result. If you care, please do the same wherever you are. Don’t be afraid to volunteer to help outside of your district or state as well.
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So, religious trauma, huh? Almost 900 words of it. Sorry.
_______________________________________
Being raised Christian puts things into perspective. I learned how to fake a smile and put up a persona through the battlegrounds of minister meetings. I learned to be grateful, to say please and thank you, through the pain of missionary testimonials. I learned how to look unassuming when forced to dress up and go out three times a week. I learned how to act when put on display in front of the church. I learned what was expected of me.
Eventually these expectations became second nature. I would step through the doors of the church and my carefully crafted mask is up, ready for action. Smile and greet those around you, shake hands with the men, hug the elders. Sit when told, stand any other time. Clap when the preachers voice gets growling and loud. Stand for prayer. Be quiet. Know your place. Know your role.
As I got older, however, cracks formed in the mask. See, this mask was not only hiding me from the people, but it was also hiding me from the lies. The hypocrisy. The beliefs that made no sense.
Yes, you must pay a tax to your God, he gave you that money now give it back! Pray before you eat, he gave you that food- no matter if you worked your ass off for the money to buy said food- thank him for it! Give your entire being to this god you've never seen or heard from before! He created you. Be grateful.
Love thy neighbor, unless they are gay. Unless they have different beliefs. Unless they havent figured out their mask yet. Unless they see through your lies.
Haven't you ever noticed that their sermons are just spoken argumentative essays? They follow the format of a elementary school teacher showing you how to write for the first time. Hook your readers in the beginning- tell a story related to your topic- have the counter arguemnt- the Bible has all the made-up stories you need to find that peice- have a call to action- come to the front and sob your heart out while chasing this ghost they say you want to posses you.
Follow the crowd. They call us sheep, might as well take it literally. Mask up, smile on. Hope they don't see past it.
They start us early. Indoctrinate you as a child with fun TV shows and songs. Dedicate your existence to this God before your a year old. Put you on display singing cutesy songs for the whole world to see. Shame you if you don't want to do it.
They hide us from the real world. Yes, we are sent to schools but we can't connect to the other kids. I don't know the names of the bands they like or the games they're playing. I can't read those books mom said they are about witchcraft. Mom said I can't watch this movie it has a cussword in it. No, I dont know what that is.
Isolation, like a toxic romantic relationship. Textbook, really. Its what they warn us about in health when we're 15, but by then it's too late. Your already so far into this lie that you can't see the cracks in the system. You believe that everyone grows up on stories of David and Moses instead of Ariel and Snow White.
We must look different, act different, be different than those around us. Spread the gospel to everyone you know but make yourself as different as possible so they don't believe you. They don't listen. The world will see your sneers at women in pants and boys with longer hair and run the other way. Love thy neighbor, until they're different.
What about your children? Those that you've forced into this before they could walk? That you publicly dedicated to this God? What will you do when they decide they've had enough? That they don't believe in this hypocrisy that you've raised them in? What happens when their mask cracks? Will you still love them? Care for them? If they stray from your carefully crafted rituals they had to learn to navigate on their own will you shun them?
Those expectations that have become second nature, they feel like minefields now. Your child left that closet a year ago but to you? They're normal. To them, this sanctuary is a battlefield and they are on enemy grounds. Every word is carefully thought out, every action planned. Would I have done this before I figured it out? Am I acting different?
Your desperate belief in a higher power, it may give you comfort, but your child? How many sleepless nights have they spent wishing you were different? Have you heard their late-night tears when they beg your God to change them? Have you heard the desperate prayers in the hopes those attractions- the ones you told them were sinful, were gonna send them to hell- would go away?
Your religion is not our religion. I do not believe in your god. Do not make me force myself into this mold anymore. I will not do it, not even for you.
But please, please still love me when the mask is gone.
#ramble#christianity#religion#trauma#this is just a big trauma dump im sorry#writing#i hope yall are okay
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Language anon again
Sheesh the tags in the second part, you didn't mention that the person you knew was your toxic(?) Ex. All you put in the tags of the first post was "I've been meaning to text them anyway" and "guess who it is" and ngl I do pay attention to your blog but I don't pay attention to your relationship stuff bc I'm just not interested in someone's love life when I gotta deal with my own yk? Anytime I see the word catboy/crush/relationship I just scroll bc I don't like reading about that kinda stuff- reminds me of shit I've been through with assholes
Not all of your followers are up to date about who you're crushing on or at odds with. So don't say I don't care about you putting your mental health at risk when I didn't even know I was to begin with.
Besides, you don't have to do shit for unknown people if it makes you uncomfortable/unhappy. The little I know about catboy makes me think he's a dick and you shouldn't waste your time with him, but I don't know the full story and I don't really care to. That's just my opinion.
Just do whatever makes you happy man. I can't change my friends choice about what they call themself and Im not going to force you to text someone that makes you depressed because I'm curious Abt their thoughts.
I subscribe by the "never text your Ex" idea, but you do you Boo. If you want an excuse to get your heart broken again then go for it. I'll be the bad guy here 😂
But my advice is don't text him. If he's been ghosting you then fuck him. He's a loser that wants you to chase him bc he gets off on it. I'd had to deal with dickwads like that too.
Instead of texting him I'd drop his ass and do shit that would make him regret ghosting me. You should make yourself look hotter and sexier than before. Even if you're a solid 9.99 go for that 10. Then go out more- go out anywhere and have fun, even if it hurts, even if you're not actually having fun. Just show you're NOT crying over him like he wants you to be. Eventually he'll see he fucked up. And the best part is? When he crawls back you need ghost him and make him understand how you felt. Fuck him. When you focus on yourself you'll attract someone who wants to be with you for you, not because you feed their shitty ego by crawling back to them
jskdhskhs thank you I guess and my dude it was 100% like a joke I’m sorry I made you feel guilty in any way. I do try and put it in the tags so people don’t get 10,000 posts on their dash about me complaining about shit. And I do try and keep it to this blog only and not my other blogs/social media where I focus on being positive and upbeat.
It’s not that he ghosted me so much as I know that having a newborn at home is taxing while you have other things going on and it’s not even your home etc.
Nah dude it was 100% a light-hearted joke, I totally understand not caring about people who you follow’s love life/intrapersonal relationships they talk about/I can 100% see how that stuff could absolutely be triggering or at least uncomfortable to people who have been in similar situations (or even if they haven’t been) which is why I try and constituently tag all the posts I make about all of it.
And I mean tbh I text my ex every day because he’s like? My best friend? I don’t consider catboy an ex really (idk like when I say “my ex” I mean Emory but catboy kind of counts but not really), but I subscribe to the idea of “if someone I know is in a place to answer something better than me I’m always more than happy to reach out and ask them for advice” which is why a lot of times I ask for advice on here or like I’ll ask my friends about things etc.
Yeah there are arguments on both sides of like “he’s shitty”/“he’s going through a lot”. And I mean the best relationship I ever had which was healthy and lasted a good 6 years started off horrible and toxic on both our parts so like I do know from experience that like shitty people can turn around and become healthy partners. That’s not always the case however.
Sorry to bring it up, I did put it in the tags because it wasn’t relevant to your ask but something I needed to vent about in a joking way anyway.
I think that asking people for their opinion on something they might be interested in/suited to is a great way to reach out to someone when you haven’t talked in a while because it gives them something to talk about besides just “hi how are you”. My best friend and I almost never text but I’ll text her up every once in a while to ask about my animals or something, which I think works well for her because she’s not into the whole casual conversation thing and would much rather talk about reptiles and such. (Once again has nothing to do with this ask but just figured I would throw out that piece of advice).
Life’s complicated. I defiantly go back and forth on it and I sure do bother the fuck out of everyone I talk to and probably a lot of people who follow me which I do feel bad about but I try and compound it with just reblogging general good crush posts/mlm content that would fit a polyamory blog run by a mlm anyway so that even if people don’t want to deal with the bs maybe they can see a post and relate like “ah I’m polyam and I want that with my partners” or “at least one of my partners” because most are centered at 1 person.
But uh yeah just because a word isn’t English doesn’t mean it’s not gendered and if you don’t like any existing words just make one up.
#punk gets mail#crush stuff#negative#I’m a bit worried my reply comes off as guilt-trippy so if it does I’m genuinely sorry but like I did mean it when I said I was sorry#a cookie for you anon ? 🍪🥛
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To be honest, I don't want my health insurance contributions to help finance their treatment costs, because no one was actually forced to! It's their own fault, since I was also coerced! I was virtually unable to enter a store for a year and obliged to test myself every day, even completely humiliating in the presence of a witness! If I hadn't been working from home at the time, I would have gone crazy! But there are ways and means here too: You take permanent sick leave and get paid by health insurance companies; or you become unemployed for a while and live off the welfare state; or you are as smart as me and made a test certificate yourself. I even created a fantasy stamp with GIMP and my laser printing made it look real. There are always ways and means, you just have to be strong-willed enough, and ultimately a bit stubborn!
When I hear this whining about the treatment costs for their blood wash, I really explode with anger. They should take out a loan and pay it off themselves in monthly installments! Why should the real victims of the system, the unvaccinated, pay for their mistakes?! The vaccinated people ultimately made this decision in their lives; hence, they should now bear the consequences themselves! IN GERMANY YOU EVEN HAD TO SIGN AND AGREE THAT YOU HAVE BEEN INFORMED OF ALL SIDE EFFECTS! This has never happened before with any other vaccinations! I don't know what it was like in other countries, whether people had to sign such "instructions" too; but at least in my country you can say: It's your own fault! You did it without question!
There is no room for naivety in evolution! Nature is merciless. Grow up or die and try your luck in the next reincarnation, since life is not a PC game where you can simply reload an older save or enter cheats! People today think that life is a pony farm game where you can do things without feeling the consequences. They think they can act out their do-gooder bullshit at the expense of others! No, not this time. This time there is no way out! Come to terms with it and learn from it, for this life and all others! Or stay karmically trapped in your own shit for a very long time!
No, after all the insanity they've done, I really don't see any reason to finance their fucking treatment costs! As soon as I earn more money in the future, I will consider going abroad, where you pay significantly less taxes and have more freedom. I am absolutely done with this fucked up system! Is that selfish of me or my right?! Why should I work 70% of the year for all this nonsense?! I didn't want to finance this vaccination madness or wars or mentally retarded politicians who produce even more bullshit (yesterday I read how the green party wants to ban dachshund breeding. It's really incredibly idiotic what they're dealing with while the real problems are be denied).
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