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#because it would hurt so much more to see them happy than just see the bad
whalesforhands · 8 hours
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what’s yours is mine (3/?)
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pairing: geto suguru x reader x gojo satoru
You don’t know a lot of things, and you readily admit that. What you do know, is that the friends you’ve made aren’t something you will ever regret. Until your physical body weakens and becomes nothing, you’re more than happy to give your all until you wither away.
What’s yours can be theirs, too. They’re your friends, after-all. (Omegaverse AU)
You don’t cry.
At least, that’s what you like to tell yourself. That you don’t cry, that you’re a big girl. You can reach for the phone yourself, can use the swing-set on your own, can bite your lip and hold your face to stop the tears from spilling over when you scrape your knee. You can handle it.
Because it would trouble Mama if you didn’t, right?
So you never minded playing by yourself, never cared for the fact that it’s hard for you to get along with other kids back in all those other neighbourhoods, never ever felt that you needed to cry.
You have no reason to, after all. You’re happy, satisfied with the way you are, the way that you live.
So— Why?
Why does your face feel wet? Why are there droplets of water on the remainders of your drawing? You don’t remember rain being indoors. Don’t think that Mama would miss out on any leaks when the repairman came over the other day.
So why were you crying as your nose flared out and your eyes turned red? Why do you keep crying even as you furiously tried to wipe them away? Why does the new kid have to get so angry on your behalf? You don’t get it. Why did your only friend have to tear up the drawing you had spent so much time on? What does Satoru have against your neighbour? You really don’t get it. Not at all.
Why? Why why why why why—
You just don’t know many things. You don’t know why the sky looks blue, why the grass is green, don’t know why the moon can’t stay in the sky for as long as you want…
You really don’t know a lot.
But you know that crying doesn’t stop the two kids in front of you from pulling at each other’s hair and punching at each other, know that it won’t stop them from rolling on your floor as they continued to bicker and shout, know it doesn’t heal the fact that your drawing was torn in half and lying pathetically on your living room floor—
“What’s your problem?!”
“It’s none of ya business!”
It hurts. You know it hurts. To have your one and only friend tear apart your hard work, for him to trample on your attempt at being hospitable. And… To have him to look at you with such disdain and hurt when you tried to stop him from vandalizing your show of friendship.
Is it all your fault?
You know that Satoru can be rough, can be hard to get along with. You know that first-hand, experienced it for weeks on end. Though, you never expected him to react with such violent distrust of others, never expected him to get into senseless fights over someone you’re trying to get along with for the sake of good neighbourship.
(If that even was a word, anyway.)
Maybe it was something strange about the new kid— Geto Suguru. Something off, odd that taps at your brain even through your eyes that were starting to blur with tears. It’s not something you can get right off the bat, but hidden under layers that were hard to see through, kept tightly under wraps.
A feeling that resonates too closely, too close to home with your beloved Satoru.
Because they were smiling.
Even as Satoru’s hands pushed, shoved, punched and grabbed at his face, even when Satoru kicked at his chest and pulled at his hair— It’s like they liked being at odds, liked the fact that they could argue and tear into each other despite knowing the repercussions that could follow.
“Y’er ugly! With rotten soba hair!”
“Speak for ya’self, you misshaped snowman!”
Even as the black silks of hair flailed about, even as he feels Satoru pinch at his skin, you can hear the slight laughs in their hoarse voices, can feel the way the air was starting to lift the tension.
You can feel your heart pound, can feel your blood pump through your veins. You don’t want to be left out. Don’t know what’s gotten into you to feel this way as your hands start to shake and tremble.
And when you steeled yourself, wiping the tears off of your cheeks and the drooling leftovers of your snot, your eyes still caught wind of those shiny purple eyes that gleamed with a hint of insanity.
A blur of black and white, the brush of your flailing hair against your nape and the adrenaline causing your heart to go a mile a minute as you feel your feet leave the ground.
You tackled him. Or, one of them, actually. You don’t know which. With the full force of your body, with your eyes that were squeezed shut, with a loud squeal for a battlecry and an exhilarating exhale that made you want to hope you didn’t hit the new mail-order flower pot Mama had gotten as a gift recently.
You feel yourselves rolling about the soft carpet, the brush of the slightly coarse fabric against your skin as you end up slamming face first into your victim’s soft tummy as your ears end up filling with the sound of a rough slam and a pained groan.
But that wasn’t enough to stop you, even if you were fully aware of the fact that you had committed assault. Even as you lift your strangely heavy head and stamp your feet against the ground.
“Stop fighting, dummies!”
And it works, surprisingly. You’ve never used that much force. Not in your few years of living. You didn’t know you were even capable of this.
(But to be fair, you don’t know a lot of things.)
“I hate it!” And you can hear your voice crack, can feel a strange guilt and overwhelming tearing at your already fragile heart. Hate what? Hate the fact that they were fighting?
No. They were having fun, no? So what did you hate? Did you hate the fact that they got along without yo—
And he’s grinning up at you.
“Sorry, (name)-chan.” It’s decisive, the way he looks at you. Like he’s trying to find the best way to go about his next move, trying to fight back the adrenaline that came with the aftermath of a childish fight.
And that makes you cry all the more as you feel arms hug around your neck from behind, an angry, pouting Satoru clutching your head close to his chest and actively trying to tug you off of the bruised Suguru, only managing to get you to tumble your weight off his waist as you continue to cry, your tears drooling down your cheeks and onto his sleeves.
“I didn’t give ya permission to call her by her name!”
“That’s not for you to choose, ya know?” Your neighbour’s speech turns informal, straight to the point. As if he had given up on any airs he had initially put on, as if he was feeling the relief of breathing normally once more.
All whilst you were too busy breaking down.
“Stop cryin’, weirdo.” You feel a sleeve rubbing against your eyes, the soft grey hoodie turning your eyesight dark and gloomy, soaking up your tears as you feel snot starting to trail down your philtrum and onto your lips as you sniffle harder. “We’re fine.”
“Ugh, don’t rub your dirty clothes on her face…” A small whack and the sleeve flops off with no resistance, the fabric loosened from excessive pulling and tugging. You feel an unfamiliar hand press against your hair, lightly stroking in efforts to comfort you.
“Bleghhh! You take it too!” And Satoru’s shoving his sleeve into the new kid’s face.
“Gross!”
Peace is restored. Or, as much as it was when you’re all sat in a circle and trying to figure out what to do now that you all looked a little too worse for wear.
“You don’t have ice packs in your house?” He’s utterly confused as he watches you press a carton of milk against Satoru’s cheek, your head tilting to the side as you blink at him.
“Nope.” Ice packs? Why would you need that? Can’t you just use normal ice? Are you supposed to have something like that? “I can help you get some normal ice if you want—“
“She’s not poor, okay!” It’s your white-haired friend that interrupts you, his arms crossed and an angry pout on his face. It’s threatening and furrowed in all his entirety, chest puffing out to look bigger than he was as he glares at confused purple. “She says so!”
“…I didn’t say anything about that, though?”
“Hnn— I don’t think plasters are enough, (name).”Now he’s even lost the honorifics when calling to you. Suguru’s tapping against his bruised cheek, feet tiptoeing upon the stool in your bathroom as he observes his injuries in the mirror.
“Hey! No one ever taught you manners, new kid?!” And you’re stuck inbetween the both of them again as you stand as the sole barrier between the two. You feel grateful for the fact that you’re all about the same height.
“But you call her that all the time?” Suguru’s smile is all too mischievous, a smug grin on his face and a hand on his hip. He’s starting to get Satoru’s patterns now.
(You can tell.)
“That’s cause I’m me!” He’s huffing, a hand outreached to grip onto your wrist and tugging you closer so that you were physically on ‘his side’.
“Okay,” A curve of those pretty, slitted purple eyes of his upwards. “Satoru.”
“Hey! I didn’t give you permission for that, either!”
Despite all that, you broke out the bandaid collection you had been keeping for emergencies. Okay, to be honest— It wasn’t for emergencies. Chock full of random patterns and funny looking print, it was something you always asked your Mama to get you whenever she needed to make a quick run to the drugstore. Maybe a few of them were a bit too old, but they were still bandaids regardless.
(And least they would be put to their assumed use. You can’t keep everything the same forever, especially when all you do is open your little box to stare at them.)
But it was looking like the bandaids are a no go, either. Was it a you thing to lack so many resources in your own home? Though to be fair, you don’t exactly patch your own injuries up without the help of your Mama.
“Maybe we could go to my house?” He’s still nice to you even when it was your fault that he’s in this situation, even if you were the one that was meant to be the hospitable one.
Though, it’s not a bad idea—
“Nuh uh.” Here comes the stubbornness you learnt to acquaint yourself with. “No way ‘m I going in some weirdo’s house!”
(“But you’re in my house…”)
“But Satoru,” You nudge him slightly as he continues to stick the funny looking bandaids onto the skin of your arm, trying to think of a reasonable excuse to get him patched up by an adult.
You don’t come up with anything. So comes the next best thing; despite the fact it never works more than half the time.
“Please?”
You can see him furrow his brows at you, spiky hair only bristling ever slightly before he sticks another bandaid onto your leg, the usual glimmer in his eyes turning into one of uncertainty before they flash towards an awaiting Suguru with reddening bruises on his cheek.
“Fine!” This doesn’t mean he’s gonna be friendly though.
(“That was unexpectedly easy.”)
So you find yourself picking up the phone, shooing Satoru off the stool and letting him watch as you slowly push it to be just under the wall-mounted phone within your kitchen.
It rings maybe twice after your fingers manage to press the correct buttons, silently mouthing the numbers you memorized just for situations like this as Satoru stares up at you from the ground, sitting cross-legged right next to a curious Suguru.
“Darling? What’s wrong?” Her surroundings are loud. It sounds like there’s too many people talking in the background as you hear the clacks of her shoes.
“Mama.” Your voice is soft as you say her name, a smile unknowingly creeping onto your face when you hear her reply. “Can I go to… Suguru’s house?”
You can see a head of black perk up at that mention of his first name as a pale hand shoves at his shoulder from the corner of your eye.
“The new… Neighbour, right? Geto-san’s kid.” You nod, even with the knowledge of knowing she can’t see you as a shuffle sounds slightly, the rustle of her clothing against skin. “Did you make a new friend?”
Did you? Can you even consider him a friend yet? Do you even have that right? Maybe it was better to say that you did to ease any of her worries. “Mhm. I think Satoru likes him too.”
“Is that so?” You can hear her take a slight breath out, as if it was something akin to relief. “Then it’s fine. I’ll pick you up from there after my work, okay?”
“Okay. Thank you, Mama!” You balance on your toes when you shove the phone back into place, crawling down from the stool as you feel Satoru’s hand snatch up yours to help you down.
Your Mama is the best-est. Definitely, there’s no arguing about it as you smile a little too much at the prospect of being able to talk to her for just that little while.
“Y’er so goody-goody.” His tone is haughty, his actions not ever matching as he squeezes your palm and his eyes glare at the floor. “It’s weird.”
You don’t see a problem with being good.
“I don’t wanna trouble my Mama.” You don’t want to trouble anyone, really. You know how bad it can feel. “It feels better when she’s not.”
“Hmph.” Ever with that attitude…
So it comes as a surprise when you see his eyes flash with that unfamiliar blue, his small shoulders squaring and feeling him switch to your other side just in time to cut off the route that Suguru’s hand was approaching.
“You can’t hold it.” He’s huffing and glaring, squeezing inbetween the both of you and physically blocking off Suguru’s sight of view, whilst at the same time shoving you behind him.
He’s adamant about this— So it ends with Satoru being stuck in the middle of the three of you as you all take the short walk to the Getos’ next door.
“Your Mama’s gonna be mad.” You say it out of concern for your newly acquired friend, past the head of white between the both of you.
“Yep.” Like he was used to it, sheepishly scratching his cheek as he grins at you. “Are you worried about me, (name)?”
“Mhm. I don’t want you to get in trouble.” It’s genuine. Who even likes pain, anyway?
“You’re so nice, (na—)”
“I hope she spanks ‘im.” It’s said in tandem with Suguru’s sentence, affecting cutting him off as he keeps his head up and his smug attitude even higher.
“I can hear you, ya know?”
“That’s the point, dummy.”
At least they’re getting along better now. The bickering slowly turning into a silence as you all approach the daunting front door. It looked like it was already frowning in disapproval at the three of you, already looking far too scary despite being just that—
A door.
(Even Suguru was starting to squeeze your arm slightly in worry when you began knocking upon the wood. So even he can get scared, huh?)
“Yes! Just a moment, please!” It’s muffled, sounding like it was coming from metres away as you hear the hurried patter of feet, of soft slippers against cypress wood as the door swings open.
“Hi, Geto-san.” You blink up at her in greeting when she finally lets her eyes trail downward upon hearing your voice, an exhale escaping her once she realizes it was just you.
“Oh, hello dear! What brings you— Here?!” Her voice turns hurried, panicked. And in quite the timeframe as well as soon as she spots the various bandaids doing a horrible job at hiding the bruises and reddening marks, the loosened clothing and light scrapes on their knees from roughhousing on your carpet.
(You should ask Mama to invest in a softer one. You’ll help save up.)
You hope you all don’t get into much trouble. Hope. That’s all you can do now as all three of you are frantically ushered inside and pushed into the wide expanse of his very… Full-looking living room.
His house is— Warm. There were boxes stacked everywhere, piled high until some touched the ceiling. You see some of them half-opened, most still fully sealed as you let your eyes wander around.
It smells… Nice in here. You don’t have to try hard to catch a whiff of the orange blossom room freshener being spritzed about, wafting about the room. Though— If you do try… You can catch the subtle scent of cinnamon. It’s barely there when you stick your nose in the air to catch it, before it disappears again.
You swear you’ve smelt it before, though.
“Oiiiii, (nameeeee)!” You see a pale hand wave about in front of you, blinking pairs of blue and purple huddling before you as you dazed off on Suguru’s very, and you mean very, soft couch.
“My mama finished icing our injuries.” He’s waving at you in efforts to get you back once he sees your eyes go back into focus. “She’s gonna scold us after she calls Satoru’s and your mama though.”
Now that’s bad. You physically deflate onto his plush seat. So much for trying to make a good impression like Mama would have wanted you to.
“Don’t sweat it! I barely ever get in trouble, anyway!” Satoru’s now squishing your cheeks in his palms, rubbing his hands into your skin and messing with you to snap you out of your daydreams.
(Lucky him.
“Whattttt? That’s not fair.” Suguru’s the one pouting now as he crosses his arms.
“Huhu!” A triumphant rub of his finger just under his nose. “Can’t get scolded if you’re the great Gojo Satoru!”)
“Okwayyy.” You pat the back of his hands to signal him to let you go as you try to nod despite the fact that he was holding your face.
“Then let’s go! I wanna play in Suguru’s room before Geto-mama gets us!” First name usage already. You don’t even have time to fully process it before he’s bolting up the stairs, too engrossed in his overwhelming want to judge and intrude into spaces he’s never been in.
“What are you thinking about?” It’s Suguru who asks that as you both slowly ascend, making sure you’re safely holding onto the railing as you take it one step at the time.
“I don’t know.” To be honest, you really never get what was your habit of picking up on smells. It wasn’t on purpose. You really didn’t know why you did it.
And that makes him chuckle. Just the slightest bit as he pats your back, hand reaching for your wrist to gently tug you upwards.
“You’ll figure it out.”
It looks like you will be getting a new friend, afterall.
——
You think time is strange, but not as much if you compared it to the weather. From bright, sunny days that always looked like there were too little clouds— To days where the bright orange of the sun had descended from space to spill over onto the leaves of the green trees. You can feel the wind turn chillier, days turning darker—
Autumn is what Mama calls it. As she was in the midst of unpacking your winter clothes that had been stuffed deep inside the closet. She says it’s because those orange and red leaves mean it’s going to be cold, that the trees are preparing for what you learned to be known as winter.
You don’t know if you can consider them ‘pretty’ or ‘cute’. Maybe the best word to describe the autumn you see right now would be… Orange…?
(Time changes the weather and the seasons— But it certainly hasn’t changed your lack of vocabulary, it seems.)
Oh. And it also changes people’s clothes. Time is really powerful, if you think about it.
“Good morning.” He’s smiling, waving at you with a hand and a blushing face bitten from the cold breeze as he steps into your genkan, slightly shivering and his hair completed windswept tussle. “Let’s go play today?” His head tilts to the side, the scarf around his neck shifting with his movement as his smile grows ever sweeter.
Pretty.
“Okay.”
It’s not all of a sudden, really. You’ve gotten used to either of them coming over to your home now. A quick rap at your door for Suguru, a polite ring of your doorbell if it was Kimiko-san, and very incessant drumming against the wood if it was Satoru. And honestly? You don’t mind, not at all. If this is what it’s like to have friends, you think you would want at least 23 more.
(Because that’s the highest you can count up to.)
Your walk together is silent. It’s not uncomfortable by any means, don’t get yourself wrong. If anything, it was a tranquil that was unlike something you have with Satoru, a tangible emotion that makes your heart flutter that tiny bit and your cheeks warm with a little heat when your small fingers brush against each other when walking side by side.
Until they weren’t, that was.
“Satoru’s always holding your hand—“ You can see the slightest blush on his face when he notices your stare at the intertwined fingers, the heat of warmth so similar, yet so different from when you hold your Mama’s. “So I thought I’d try it out since he wasn’t here…”
Right. He was ‘not allowed’ to do this— All due to the ‘Satoru Ban’ as you both dubbed it. It was inclusive of, but not limited to; the smacking of his Suguru’s hands off of your clothes, the banishment of said boy from Satoru’s playground, the prohibiting of Suguru from even looking at you sometimes.
It’s honestly a surprise how he hasn’t stopped being friends with both of you.
Though, today was supposed to be special. It was the day that Suguru was finally allowed to play at the playground for the first time. The day he was finally allowed to view the ‘special playground’ he keeps hearing Satoru brag about whenever he was in earshot, how he has finally ‘earned his right’ to play with the both of you.
(Which you vehemently disliked as you frowned and pouted at your snowy-haired friend, refusing to talk to him and turning your nose up at your beloved friend until he apologized with a blushing face and his eyes cast downwards. To the both of you.
He’s starting to be a little like you, if you think about it. Kimiko-san has been showing an odd amount of gratitude to you too.)
But back to the main point— There’s nothing special about your hand. No matter how often Satoru liked to grab at it for his own. Your gaze flickers down to your free one, palm facing towards you and stretching, wiggling your fingers about, scrutinizing every curve and groove of it.
There’s really nothing special about it. So you take an exhale out in disappointment. Looks like you don’t have some superpowers, after all.
“Do you feel anything?” Honestly, you’re not expecting much. Not anything specific, really… But it would be cool if Suguru told you he can sense the hidden power you’ve been keeping dormant inside your body all this time.
(Cause that’s how powers are discovered. You saw it in an anime last week.)
“Hm…” He squeezes your hand lightly in thought, swinging back and forth in contemplation as he continues to walk with you in tow. You can feel your hand gently being shaken and played with, his fingers tightening around yours as you let him tussle and squeeze and squash his palm against your own.
It’s for the sake of knowing, after all. And to discovering all your hidden potential. Hopefully. Maybe?
You can hear him hum, hear the contemplation in his tone as he closes his eyes for just those few moments. “It feels nice.”
Too nice, even. He kind of gets why Satoru likes grabbing at them so much now when he tightens his grip upon just the feeling of your fingers twitching ever just so slightly.
“…?” It’s a wordless inquisition, one that he gets almost immediately when he lifts his head up to look you in the eye and the shuffling of his scarf around the lower half of his face.
“I like holding your hand.” Wow. That’s more embarrassing to say out loud than he thought. But… It’s nice. To be straightforward like this. It feels raw, genuine. Something he wasn’t used to experiencing.
It feels right.
“Oh.” Your eyes drift off to the side before they slowly trail to the ground as your shoes tap against the concrete— And to your shoes. Velcro is easy to put-on. Mama should buy you more velcro shoes, since your dream of having superpowers to magically tie straps and strings was just crushed.
“So I’m not the chosen one.” How disappointing.
Odd. You are very odd. That’s what Suguru would think, if he hadn’t watched that anime with both you and Satoru last week.
“Maybe your superpower is having nice hands to hold.”
Maybe so.
And time just kept passing. Through autumn with days spent running about in the playground when it wasn’t too cold, playing with the toys in Suguru’s room when it was the weather’s fault you all couldn’t play outside… And lounging around on your futon when there’s nothing to do.
Though, you know those days don’t last forever either. Soon there were the snowy white winter months where you had Satoru calling almost every day at the earliest hours. With the snow growing annoyingly thicker, and the air considerably colder— He wasn’t allowed to be out much at all.
You hear excessive complaining over the phone, as you curl up under your blanket, Mama’s cellphone to your ear and your dozing off self struggling to stay awake to the grumpy squeaks.
Because according to him, it wasn’t fair that Suguru can come and go from your house because he lives right next door, that it wasn’t fair that he can’t play with the both of you.
Such was the curse of the pure white days, you suppose. You spend them waving at Suguru through the window and talking over the phone until Mama needed it back.
And of course, you can’t forget the pollen-filled spring that bloomed pretty flowers that had Geto-mama teaching you how to make flower crowns from her garden— Realizing that it makes your Mama’s sneezes act up a whole lot more; especially when she tries to wear them. An entire season that also brought about Satoru’s growing clinginess when he demands that you allow him to come over everyday, crossed arms and stamping feet and an apologetic Kimiko-san at your door as she tries to offer more snacks as compensation.
(You don’t blame her, you can’t. And at the same time… Mama’s eyes always nearly bulge out of her head whenever she spots another fancy package on the kitchen counter.)
And you learn that days go by all too quickly when you’re having fun, so it wasn’t long until summer was back once more.
Time really is weird. It doesn’t take much to know that. You’re still not really sure if you truly like it.
On the plus side, time brings about age. You realize you’re finally growing up when Mama comes up to you, hands behind her back and all excited sweet smiles and upturned eyes with a the telltale scent of honey as you perk up. You’re happy if she’s happy. So you’re smiling when she presents to you—
A randoseru backpack. Sturdy, heavy, space inside to hold things and has two straps— Definitely a backpack.
“Ya been wearin’ that the wholeeeeeee dayyyyyyyyyyy!” He’s drawling it out hard, all furrowed brows and puffed up face. “Aren’t ya tired???” Gojo Satoru is pouting up at you from his position on your floor as you keep staring at your reflection.
You’re unfazed.
“I think she looks nice.” Suguru’s humming as he nods, a hand under his chin and a smile on his face as he watches you hold onto the straps of your backpack and stare— Almost unblinkingly into your mirror. “It suits you.”
It does, doesn’t it? You’re glad he agrees. Glad he likes it just as much as you do as you keep staring into your reflection with sparkly eyes and jitters in your stomach. This was perfect.
“Mama said it was for—“ What was it again? She taught it to you just this morning. “Eluh… Ment-airy?” Sounds about right.
A blink from the both of them. You’ll admit you aren’t the best at remembering recent things.
“Ya mean school?” Satoru’s got you covered, thankfully. He says he’s so smart cause he gets his own personal teach-er. It must be nice to know so many things. “Pfft,” He flubbers his tongue, his arms and legs outstretching to resemble a floppy starfish as he makes more whines. “School’s bad! Learning’s boring! Just stay home and play with us!”
“I like learning, though.” You do. You’re not the best out there, but at least you like it. That’s what matters.
“Mmm… Is it Akutami Elementary?” It’s slow; the way Suguru pronounces the words. Like he’s careful about not slipping on any of them, like he has committed himself to remembering it.
And you feel your heart fluttering at the name; an odd sense of excitement instilled into you at the recognition, vigorously nodding as you swivel to face him. How did he know?
“Yeah. Mama says I’m going there next spring.”
You can barely help the grin on your face, the happiness making you feel light on your feet and your mind all mushy with joy. Though…
“But I wish you both were there too, though.” And you’re back to staring down at your socks, eyes turning wistful and a frown starting to take over. It would be… Lonely, without them. Maybe you’re just too used to being around them all the time, or maybe you’re just being selfish.
You don’t really know.
“But I’m going there too.“ And he’s smiling right back at you when you’re hurriedly clasping his hand into both of your own, all glittery eyes and excitedly squeezing as you feel the bubble you’ve been keeping inside burst.
“Real— Really? You’ll be there too?” You’re leaning in so close, pushing your face into his own until they were mere inches away from each other as your lip practically trembles in all your stored excitement.
You’re funny. But your hands feel nice on his, so he won’t complain.
You both miss a certain snowy-haired friend, pouting off to the side and finally sitting back up, glaring at the tatami mats of your floor before… He recovers all too quickly with a glimmer in his eyes and a smile on his face.
It’s not like he’s letting the two of you go anywhere without him. That’s banned.
“What elementary did you say it was again?”
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cannellee · 2 days
Note
Hi. This is about the alpha South x omega x alpha Mikey post for clarity.
Imagine how furious alpha Mikey would be if he found out that alpha South already got omega (name) pregnant.
I think he would go nuts lmao
TOKYO REVENGERS OMEGAVERSE ☆
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୨୧ alpha! south x omega! reader x yandere!alpha! mikey (read this for more context)
— mikey finds out you're pregnant with south's kid
cw : delusional mikey, violence, slight breeding kink, baby trapping
a/n : btw I don't like yanderes who are violent towards their s/o, so mikey acts sweetly towards reader even though that might not be a representative reaction!! I hope you'll still enjoy!
my masterlist: ☆
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it would definitely not end well for any of you.
while dating south, you were in such a vulnerable state of mind that you got carried away. he showered you with the affection you came to miss and crave when you were with mikey and you honestly didn't give too much thought about what you were doing with south at night...
it wasn't surprising for you to end up the way you did, little bump on your stomach, which you always caressed and touched after you learned the news.
south was fine with having his omega pregnant, only thing which prevented him from being fully happy was his worry for your safety.
now imagine you left mikey's side for more than two months, so that your belly could show a little. you're growing more and more stressed because of south's behaviour, it's suspicious and weird and with your hormones being all over the place, you're feeling even more distressed.
when you follow him and are met with the most unexpected sight, your breathing quickens and your scent couldn't be more sour. you were sensitive before, but now that you were pregnant that's another story.
when you threw yourself on south, all mikey could feel was pure anger and grabbed your arms roughly to pry you off of him.
yes you were fragile, mikey knew that. but when you fell on your side after he simply pushed you away, he flinched at the pained whine you involuntarily let out.
he looked at you, confused and worried. albeit his initial rage, he managed to decipher your scent between all the strong pheromones of all the alphas out there. it was sweet, sugary and very soft. mikey would've recognisable it with no efforts.
but something wasn't right, something was different. you watched as he breathed through his nose, frown deepening at the foreign aroma around you. your strawberry pheromones were all over the place and decoupled, and among it, a nice new smell of pink sugar grazed his nostrils.
it smelled divinely good, but most importantly, it stirred up mikey's instincts in an abnormal way. he felt on edge, protective thoughts circling in his mind. it's like you wanted everyone to be aware of how fragile you were, to have them know you were powerless and in need of reassurance.
and when mikey looked you up and down, that's when he noticed your slightly round belly, a protective hand over it.
wide eyes, mikey took a while before actually understanding what exactly he was seeing, completely shocked. he questioned you with his eyes, hoping you would simply shake your head 'no' and grace him with the answer he wanted to hear. but you didn't and he couldn't feel more enraged.
he furiously looked at south and wasted no time in showering him with punches. all his yelling hurt your poor ears as your hands did nothing at trying to cover the noise.
mikey was unstoppable as he screamed profanities at south, promising him to never let him go unless he was perfectly sure he would never touch you again.
not only did you run away from him and gave yourself to another alpha, but that bastard even had the audacity to get you fucking pregnant. the marks mikey had left on your body months ago were deep enough to surely be still present ; it was a clear indicator that you were somebody else's. anyone would have backed off and refuse to have sex with you. but this asshole just had to ignore all those claims and deliberately court his omega.
mikey was simply blinded with rage as he hit him relentlessly, aiming for south's weak spots, wrecking his limp body as much as he could.
you couldn't muster the courage to move and you had no choice but to witness mikey's terrifying actions. you were still on the floor, silently sobbing because of the more than monstrous scene in front of you.
fortunately, your current state had made your scent more easily detectable so that you could communicate your desires and troubles better with your alpha during such a vulnerable time.
it flew right to mikey's nose, instincts to take care of his omega took over him and he found the control in himself to actually stop his butchery.
you saw mikey whip his head towards you, instantly letting go of south's bruised body. he slowly came up to you, disapproval written all over his face and urge to take you away from here eating him up alive.
he couldn't get his eyes off of your belly when he helped you sit down properly. he didn't know how to feel about this. be mad at you ? get into an argument with you to convey just how fucking furious he was ?
truthfully, you weren't to blame here, mikey thought. you were just a poor omega seeking comfort, south was the one who took advantage of you. he exploited your need for a strong presence next to you when mikey couldn't give you that.
you could've said anything to deny his words, mikey was clearly not admitting that it was a choice you made consciously. his lovely omega would have never betrayed him this much.
amidst the chaos, he couldn't think properly and instead chose to end his fight with south. he had to make sure you were safely taken away from south's greedy hands, in mikey's home where it was definitely the safest for you to stay considering your condition.
you should be cocooned by your alpha inside a warm nest, safe and sound and surrounded by reassuring items. but instead you're out there in the wild, all alone and unsupervised and trying to stop a fight right in the middle of a place crowed with thousands of alphas.
mikey was fuming, absolutely devastated by how poorly you were taken care of and the rage he felt was incomparable to anything he had ever felt.
he knew he would have done a better job at protecting you and while he had that tiny hope the baby inside you was his, at this time it really didn't matter in his eyes.
all he could see was your shaking form, forehead sweating from how much pressure you were under. your alpha was supposed to provide you anything, shelter you and protect you, especially during such a precious moment of pure vulnerability.
but here you were. you couldn't count on anybody and mikey's heart shattered upon seeing your tear-stained face and defenceless arms desperately trying to defend your poor excuse of an alpha.
he carefully carried you away from this place, placing a jacket over you to prevent you from getting sick.
you had no words to say in this situation, you simply had to follow what mikey wanted and considered to be the right thing.
he placed you gently on the soft bed, showering you with his clothes to remove all foreign smells from you. mikey had to claim you again, make sure you were scented from head to toe. this is what good alphas do to soothe their omegas after all!
and this was his priority at the moment. to put you to sleep, get your mind off of south and all the problems he brought to you.
you were easier to manipulate as the hormones of pregnancy made your omega more receptive to the orders and voice of an alpha. you could try and fight off your instincts, mikey still had the upper hand and wouldn't give up until you obeyed and followed what he considered as the best choice right now. you needed rest and that's what you were gonna get.
and the hectic day soon got the best of you that you finally dozed off, calmly breathing in the familiar scent of mikey's sheets.
your sleeping figure helped mikey release a bit of tension, knowing his omega was right where she belonged and that her future pup was in good hands.
all that remained to be done now was to get your stuff back from south's apartment and take care of south himself. there was no way he was gonna let some stranger be the father of your kid. you belonged to mikey and by extension, the child you bore was also his, he wouldn't have it any other way.
he'll go out his way to find south again and prevent him from claiming your child, probably aiming to kill him in the process. mikey was going to be the only support in your life, the only pillar you'll need. he'll be the only one present during your pregnancy, guaranteeing you to never let you feel hurt or scared ever again.
you won't go out again as well, he saw how today affected you and quickly understood it was all too much for your poor little pregnant omega heart. too sensitive and emotional...
mikey will force you to stay still, waiting at home for him until you finally give birth. his instincts are so strong and overwhelming, he'll enter a blind rage if his omega isn't cocooned in the warmth and safety of her nest, in her alpha's home.
he's actually somehow glad you got pregnant, although he would have preferred to be the biological father. but now he has a great excuse to keep you by his side. he exploits your weaknesses and lack of financial support to insert himself into your life for good. he scares you into thinking you need him to keep you safe, that alphas will rush to hurt you once they learn you're this helpless and trying to raise a kid on your own.
he'll definitely get you pregnant soon after you give birth, wanting a kid of his own blood. he's so deep into a possessive state of mind that he wants nothing more than to see you all cutely waddle around the house because of the seeds he put into you. he wants to claim you in the most primal way. his intentions are mostly triggered by your past with south but also because he feels like baby trapping you is the most efficient way to keep you right next to him.
in the end, mikey's commitment towards you will grow significantly in the future. once south is disposed of, he'll purely focus on you, knowing nothing will ever get in between the two of you ever again.
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aetherdoesthings · 1 day
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I cannot tell you how loud I cackled when the card was revealed. One moment I was cooing at how cute this was and then I start straight up laughing at 2AM. The atrocious spelling of a child 🤣, i loved all of it! I'm wondering if the other kids notice Father's favoritism towards the reader, and how they would react? What if they bully Reader and Father steps up for Reader? 🤭 I love your characterization of Father in here. Much softer than canon which is what I needed.
~EL anon
would you like a new home? (pt 3.1)
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forethoughts: thanks for the compliments about part two! i didn't expect my silly love letter to arlecchino to blow up haha. i originally was going to write this as just one big part but i changed plans. part two is called would you like some cake! i also planned for part two to be the last one but i had to sneak one in to give reader and father a happy ending of sorts :)
notes: gn!child!reader, NOT AN X READER READER IS A CHILD IN THIS!!!
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You never cared about what the other children thought of you.
Father made sure you would never get hurt.
Father ensured that the very day she gave you your new toys.
Father said not to use the toys, only if I was being attacked then I could use them. 
Father said not to show the other children your toys.
And you always listened to Father to the best of your abilities.
Well, you tried.
You were walking down the hall, admiring the small trinket Father had found you during one of her expeditions. It was a compass, Father said. You followed the red needle, a huge smile at your face as you watched it shift and move.
You held the compass dear to your chest, using two hands to hold each side. Your eyes were glued to the needle you didn’t even notice the leg that swept your shins, causing your grip on the compass to disappear as your body went sideways, landing on your arms. 
Footsteps.
You got up before you could hear another thud, turning around. “Hey!” You exclaimed as one of the other orphans picked up Father’s gift, admiring it themselves.
“What? We were just interested in what you were holding, Y/N.” One of the other orphans snickered. 
“Give it back.” You said, balling your fists. That was Father’s gift to you. Yours. Not theirs.
“Why? You have more gifts than us given by Father. Not having one more isn’t going to kill you, loser.”
Don’t attack. Don’t be quick to anger. Always seek out a compromise before arming yourself. Father’s words rang in your head.
You took a deep breath, blood boiling at the sight of the other orphan haphazardly tossing the compass around. 
“What do you want?” You questioned, feet still spread apart.
“Don’t you get it, you stupid idiot? We want what you have.” 
“You’ve never wanted anything from me.”
“Because you didn’t have anything we wanted.”
“What do you want now?”
“We want Father.”’
Your knuckles started to turn red as your hands fell to your sides. “What?”
“Don’t act like we don’t see how Father treats you. Always first to get food. Extra dessert. No curfew. Bigger room? Who do you think you are? You’re a nobody! You don’t even have friends! Why does Father treat you better than everyone else?!” The orphan shoved you back on the ground, pressing his foot against your head. You stared at the orphan. You couldn’t deny that his words did not hold truth to them. Father did ensure all of that. You never questioned why Father would show you more generosity and kindness compared to the other children. Yes, Father treated everyone equally. That was obvious before you went inside the armory that day. Father still treated everyone equally even after that. You just had… perks.
“I didn’t ask to have a bigger room and no curfew.” You retorted, trying to resist.
“But you have it. And we want that too. So go to Father and tell her you want a smaller room, last in line, no dessert, and an earlier curfew.”
“That’s not fair. I’m not going to do that.” “If you don’t do that, we’ll break the compass. And don't think about lying and saying you did it. We'll know.” The orphan dangled the compass with two fingers, close to the rim. 
“Hey!” You gritted your teeth, hand slowly creeping towards the knife strapped onto your belt. 
“Three…” The orphan sneered, digging his boot deeper into your hair, pressing your head into the ground.
“Two…” Your hand curled around the helm. 
“One…”
Forgive me, Father.
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transmascaraa · 18 hours
Note
hi its 🍓 anon, can I request comfort with Gaming, Bennett, Scaramouche, Cyno, and Tighnari?
I accidentally hurt my cat's leg maybe like 20 minutes ago from when this is in your inbox but I've honestly just been crying and curling up on the ground where she's laying underneath my desk. I feel awful even though it's an accident ☹️
I'm hoping she's okay and it's not bad but I'm scared I permanently gave her a limp or that she will hate me and no longer want to be around me anymore
multiple characters headcannons!
you accidentally hurt your pet.
characters: gaming, bennett, wanderer, cyno, tighnari x gn!reader
author's note: hi 🍓anon i'm sorry i'm doing this req so late but writer's block is there for some reason🤷‍♂️ I HOPE YOUR CAT IS OKAY NOW THO AND THAT SHE STILL LOVES YOU IK HOW IT IS😭 anyways i decided to write this cuz i was bored lmfao enjoyyyy🔥🔥
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♡ Gaming
-definetly gets worried after he sees you on the ground crying like that.
-"no... my love, what's wrong? you can talk to me, okay?"
-all while the pet was in the corner of the room, unphased.
-if left the room soon enough, but that was unnoticed by gaming.
-after you did your best at explaining the situation to him, he understood what you meant.
-a bit confused as to why were you thag worried about it, but he reassured you that your pet was fine and that they most probably forgive you.
-he's going to cuddle the pet with you to help you "apologize" to it.
-with gaming there, your pet will forget about what happened and just cuddle with the two of you there like nothing ever happened<3
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
⑅ Bennett
-now, he's hurt a fair share of animals in his life due to his unluckiness.
-and he always feels really bad for them afterwards, so he would understand after you vent to him about it.
-"hmm... yeah... i get it.."
-but him, knowing that you're not as unlucky as he is, he reassures you that your pet is okay and still loves you.
-he'll prove it to you too.
-but first he would first make you take your mind off of it for a bit.
-and then feed the pet together as some parents to their 3yo child.
-now, speaking of him proving it to you, he'll just let you pet it and let it slowly lean into your gentle caressing of it.
-the only time he was lucky in his life was when he got to be with you.
-you just looked to precious being happy that your pet has forgiven you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
✧ Wanderer
-he just doesn't get it.
-why the hell are you rolling on the floor, crying, because you THINK you hurt your pet?
-"but are you sure you've actually hurt it? y'know, if you actually did, then its anger is justified-"
-until you started crying more.
-"b-but you probably didn't. so don't worry. you'll be fine, just like that like creature you call your pet."
-i mean you stopped crying so it was something????
-you'll have to beg him to cuddle you w your pet but eventually you'll convince him.
-the funny part was the fact that the pet was just more fond of wanderer, rather than you, despite forgiving you for anything and everything.
-for some unknown reasons, all animals like him, really.
-(if your pet is an aranara in some type of this teyvat au then it's even cuter)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
๑ Cyno
-he doesn't react much, really.
-not like alhaitham, but just more of his canon personality when he's not making dad jokes.
-i mean if anything, he's confused, but yeah.
-he just stares you on the floor.
-"what happened?"
-in the most monotone voice ever.
-and then after he understands why you're doing all of that, he shows a bit more of emotion.
-hardly spotted, but it's there.
-"well... i know something that can improve your mood. what do you call a-"
-you just give him a death stare. he doesn't continue speaking from there.
-afterwards, you'll feel the little cutie together and see that it's totally fine!
-you will get to hear the joke he was meaning to say sometime later, now he just doesn't wanna irritate you, he feels as if you need happiness now, not his dumb dad jokes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
✿⁠ Tighnari
-he genuinely gets worried.
-but worried in a mom way.
-"you're crying because of something you THINK? are you hearing yourself right now?"
-he's sassy, even when genuinely concerned.
-now, after telling you to take a few deep breaths, calm down, and drink a glass of water, he sits you down and lets you explain everything in great detail.
-then he brings the pet to the both of you, while he checks the pet for any scars, but they fortunately aren't there!
-you get incredibly happy and hug both tighnari and the pet, but he still doesn't understand if ut was worth the crying on the floor.
-your pet literally still loved you.
-but at least he was happy to help.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
okay i think this wasn't that bad
i really like cyno's and tighnari's tho
but this was fun to write overall tbh lol
| 🍓anon | @mariaace <3
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aspd-culture · 3 days
Note
Welcome back. You’re very informative.
I’m very confused about how numerous people, from you, to other antisocial people speaking from their experiences (some of which I learned are actually friends) to prosocial researchers of ASPD say that antisocial people see relationships as transactional. It’s not weird that you guys see it that way, it’s more like “and prosocials… don’t???” Because I’m certain I’m prosocial. I’m neurodivergent, sure, but no signs of ASPD. So, how do most prosocial people typically view relationships if they’re not transactional?
So I find prosocials and pwASPD both tend to think “but doesn’t everybody” when we hear this - it’s a super undescriptive term - but we’re thinking different things define something as transactional. We also see the reason for that transaction to be different.
From a prosocial generally, they’ll mean “I only want to be around people that ‘don’t drain my energy’, that don’t just take take take, that we mutually enjoy the friendship/relationship and want to be around each other”. That’s kinda their definition of getting something out of it, and they want everyone to get something out of it. If they’re draining you, they want you to be free of it so you can be happy, and the transactions involved can be purely emotional/vibes. The reason they feel this way is a desire for positive and enjoyable social connection; the consequence for an uneven/bad/missing transaction is discomfort and wasting their time in negative experiences and generally feeling bad in association with that person.
PwASPD see those transactions very very literally. There’s no vibes nor emotions in the transactions, those are either a reaction to the transaction or a bonus. We mean that we are getting something tangible or practical out of it. Rides, help with things we can’t or don’t want to do alone, sex, maybe even the social relief from the annoyance of “why don’t you ever talk to anyone?” coming from all sides. We also don’t always care if it’s even on the other person’s end. If they’re ok driving me everywhere/if they do it and don’t say or show they’re uncomfortable, then I will assume they are fine with that piece of the transaction. If I’m taking more than I’m giving and they seem chill with that then I’ll accept it. However, I won’t give them *nothing* and that’s because of our reason for transactions - it’s dangerous otherwise. First off, I have shit I need I can’t get myself as much as it sucks, so I need to be around people. But if we need something from them, what we learned in our childhoods is that we don’t get that for free. There’s always something over your head. A lot of pwASPD had friends or caregivers that would hold favors or even *basic, legally-mandated caregiving* over our heads as though we didn’t deserve it. Often our value was determined as a child by what we provided, and since children can’t provide much, we were worthless and not deserving of good treatment.
This is part of the reason (TW non-descriptive CSA mention, skip to the next paragraph if you want) that people thought ASPD was directly correlated with CSA for a long time - many cases of long term CSA come from either “I’ll give you x/do x for you if you help me with this” or worse, doing something first then saying “but I gave you X!/did X for you! I wouldn’t have if I knew you’d act like this”, often call us selfish if we tried to say no and maybe get aggressive or forceful after, and that is an easy lead-in to our view of interactions.
So a lot of us see it that if we want to be safe/know we can continue to get what we need, we HAVE to be giving them something. If you claim you like being around me “just to be around me” or worse that you’re willing to do something for me “just because I want to”, that’s not safe. You want something from me and I’ll give it to you - just tell me what it is. If you’re not telling me, that means it’s not good or you’re just gonna decide later that I’m selfish. You might hurt me to get what you want and justify it with this. Take something from my side so we’re even, because even means safe. Even means I get access to what I need and you get access to what you need - so now we’re both using this relationship/friendship/etc for something and you wouldn’t wanna mess that up by putting me in danger any more than I’d want to mess it up by putting you in danger.
Of course, not every prosocial sees it the first way and not every pwASPD had those experiences and/or sees it that way. But that’s what I’ve found to be common. If you see “they make me happy” as what your or their end of the transaction is, it’s definitely a prosocial response, maybe with the exception of thinking of it as “getting their brain to dopamine/oxytocin” vs caring how they’re actually feeling. If not, if you need it to be practical, that’s definitely transactional.
It’s important to note this is personal relationships with no practical consequences to ending the relationship - most people see relationships (platonic) with coworkers or managers as transactional and that’s a way I usually explain it to prosocials (“do you deal with your boss bc you like them or bc they sign your check - and would your boss keep you hired if you didn’t do your job because you make them happy just by being there?”). But with a romantic or sexual partner, a friend, etc. this is not a typical view of relationships.
That said - you can *absolutely* not have ASPD and have transactional view of relationships. It’s not a 1:1 thing there; not everyone with ASPD has it and not every prosocial doesn’t. It’s just a really common piece of the puzzle that is this personality disorder.
Edit: ack I’m so sorry I forgot to add the csa tw tags they’re there now.
Plain text below the cut:
So I find prosocials and pwASPD both tend to think “but doesn’t everybody” when we hear this - it’s a super undescriptive term - but we’re thinking different things define something as transactional. We also see the reason for that transaction to be different.
From a prosocial generally, they’ll mean “I only want to be around people that ‘don’t drain my energy’, that don’t just take take take, that we mutually enjoy the friendship/relationship and want to be around each other”. That’s kinda their definition of getting something out of it, and they want everyone to get something out of it. If they’re draining you, they want you to be free of it so you can be happy, and the transactions involved can be purely emotional/vibes. The reason they feel this way is a desire for positive and enjoyable social connection; the consequence for an uneven/bad/missing transaction is discomfort and wasting their time in negative experiences and generally feeling bad in association with that person.
PwASPD see those transactions very very literally. There’s no vibes nor emotions in the transactions, those are either a reaction to the transaction or a bonus. We mean that we are getting something tangible or practical out of it. Rides, help with things we can’t or don’t want to do alone, sex, maybe even the social relief from the annoyance of “why don’t you ever talk to anyone?” coming from all sides. We also don’t always care if it’s even on the other person’s end. If they’re ok driving me everywhere/if they do it and don’t say or show they’re uncomfortable, then I will assume they are fine with that piece of the transaction. If I’m taking more than I’m giving and they seem chill with that then I’ll accept it. However, I won’t give them *nothing* and that’s because of our reason for transactions - it’s dangerous otherwise. First off, I have shit I need I can’t get myself as much as it sucks, so I need to be around people. But if we need something from them, what we learned in our childhoods is that we don’t get that for free. There’s always something over your head. A lot of pwASPD had friends or caregivers that would hold favors or even *basic, legally-mandated caregiving* over our heads as though we didn’t deserve it. Often our value was determined as a child by what we provided, and since children can’t provide much, we were worthless and not deserving of good treatment.
This is part of the reason (TW non-descriptive CSA mention, skip to the next paragraph if you want) that people thought ASPD was directly correlated with CSA for a long time - many cases of long term CSA come from either “I’ll give you x/do x for you if you help me with this” or worse, doing something first then saying “but I gave you X!/did X for you! I wouldn’t have if I knew you’d act like this”, often call us selfish if we tried to say no and maybe get aggressive or forceful after, and that is an easy lead-in to our view of interactions.
So a lot of us see it that if we want to be safe/know we can continue to get what we need, we HAVE to be giving them something. If you claim you like being around me “just to be around me” or worse that you’re willing to do something for me “just because I want to”, that’s not safe. You want something from me and I’ll give it to you - just tell me what it is. If you’re not telling me, that means it’s not good or you’re just gonna decide later that I’m selfish. You might hurt me to get what you want and justify it with this. Take something from my side so we’re even, because even means safe. Even means I get access to what I need and you get access to what you need - so now we’re both using this relationship/friendship/etc for something and you wouldn’t wanna mess that up by putting me in danger any more than I’d want to mess it up by putting you in danger.
Of course, not every prosocial sees it the first way and not every pwASPD had those experiences and/or sees it that way. But that’s what I’ve found to be common. If you see “they make me happy” as what your or their end of the transaction is, it’s definitely a prosocial response, maybe with the exception of thinking of it as “getting their brain to dopamine/oxytocin” vs caring how they’re actually feeling. If not, if you need it to be practical, that’s definitely transactional.
It’s important to note this is personal relationships with no practical consequences to ending the relationship - most people see relationships (platonic) with coworkers or managers as transactional and that’s a way I usually explain it to prosocials (“do you deal with your boss bc you like them or bc they sign your check - and would your boss keep you hired if you didn’t do your job because you make them happy just by being there?”). But with a romantic or sexual partner, a friend, etc. this is not a typical view of relationships.
That said - you can *absolutely* not have ASPD and have transactional view of relationships. It’s not a 1:1 thing there; not everyone with ASPD has it and not every prosocial doesn’t. It’s just a really common piece of the puzzle that is this personality disorder.
Edit: ack I’m so sorry I forgot to add the csa tw tags they’re there now.
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mksbigg3stfan · 2 days
Text
Ok, I haven't seen people talking much about Sun Wukong and Macaque's relationship as platonic, so I'm going to do my take on it. No hate to the shadowpeachers! But I want to talk about their platonic dynamic!! If you want to take this for proof of relationship or whatever, anything like that with shipping, it won't bother me.
A pretty good example of the past flaws in their friendship was displayed in the S4 special. When Macaque goes to see Wukong, he brings an offering for him, one of friendship. He knows Wukong likes peaches, that they're his favorite food, and he is in a way returning the favor of Wukong always feeding him peaches as a sign of companionship. To Macaque, that is what they are, at least.
When he offers the peach to him, he is mirroring Wukong's behaviors. He's calling him bud, referring to the peach as "a lil somethin" in an attempto to cheer him up, because ironically, Wukong is the cheeriest and freest person he knows. Wukong is already extremely agitated, and as a reactive person, he lashes out at Macaque. To him, Macaque is looking down on him, demeaning him by offering him only a single peach. In his eyes, he has only come to laugh in his face.
Macaque seems to expect a reaction like this, barely phased. He just says, "Ok, you didn't have to be so you about it." Macaque can easily understand why Wukong is angry about being sealed under the mountain, but he is still tired of Wukong's self-importance and impulsive behaviors. It seems like most of the things he does are sweeped away by Wukong, deemed useless since he is clearly not as strong as The Great Sage Equal to Heaven.
S2 Episode 7 delves more into Macaque's insecurities while being companions with Wukong and how he felt simply brushed aside. Even though he felt this way, he didn't exactly hold a large resentment for Wukong, and it's clear that Wukong cared for him at that time, too. He brought Macaque along with him on journeys, ate with him, and called him bud.
Still, as Wukong drew further and further into his quest for power, he became so fixated on his goal that he pushed Macaque aside. As he grew more powerful, his achievements overcast Macaque, who was bound to him as a shadow is to the sun. Wukong, however, only became more and more frustrated. He wanted to be stronger and prove himself. And as Macaque watched silently, and Wukong dove headstrong into danger, the divide between the two grew deeper.
When Wukong says, "Oh, sure, 'cause normally you'd just rush to my rescue!" He is referring to him being the stronger of the two, Macaque only fighting alongside him and comparing the two's power. He is saying that Macaque is much too cowardly to fight for him. He feels betrayed by him, since he believes that if Macaque was in his position, he would fight to save him or try to remove the seal.
Not to mention Wukong's extreme fear of mortality. Every action he takes echoes his fear, his push to be stronger, more powerful, the most powerful. It's not enought to have seven failsafes, he needs more. He needs to know absolutely for sure that he is untouchable. Because the thought of death, of coming to terms with his own end, having all his power ripped away - it terrifies him. He's been mortal before, and his fear of death has never left.
Macaque by now is sick of this behavior, being cast aside like he's unimportant. So he attempts to leave. Until Wukong claims that he always runs away. But he's always by his side, he plays the loyal sidekick just like Wukong wants, what more does he possibly want from him? Why does he always want more? Can't he be happy with what he has?
To him, it seems like Wukong is dragging people much weaker than him around, putting them in danger because of his quest for power. People getting hurt, harsh repercussions, just because he can't quit when enough is enough.
Wukong, however, only sees this as Macaque disapproving of his goal. "You're not in this mess! You're still free!" As Wukong sees it, he's always been free to leave whenever he wants. But he hasn't. He's still here, and he can free him now! "Everything I did was for us!" He needed to be stronger to protect his friends, Macaque, most importantly, himself.
But Macaque sees through him. Protecting those he cares about may have once been his goal, but now, it's just a thirst for power out of fear and desperation. He warned Wukong he wasn't strong enough, but like always, he doesn't listen to anyone but himself. He stubbornly went in, and got himself trapped.
When Wukong says, "I really wanted that peach," it's obviously meant to insinuate his hunger, but he refused it from Macaque so as to not hurt his pride. But really, to Macaque and Wukong, the peaches remind them of the old times. Their companionship and close friendship. Dinners and conversations of days past, when they got along.
He wants to keep being friends, but like a fool, he refused Macaque's companionship. The peach.
Leaving him sealed underneath flowerfruit mountain, to sit and stay, a place where no one can hear him and nothing moves, almost like the stillness of death.
After a few hundred yearsx he begins traveling with Tripitaka and the group, forced to fo through a journey of self improvement. When Macaque meets him again, it's hard for him to admit that Wukong is changing for the better. He doesn't know what else to do with the hate and regret festering him besides hate Wukong.
However, now that Lady Bone Demon is defeated and Macaque is free, in his redmeption arc, the two are growing into closer friends again. The scars of the past are still there, but they're both improving.
I'm not saying that Macaque is perfect, absolutely not. I'm also not saying that Wukong is an evil, bad, super awful flawed guy. They've both done terrible things, they're both flawed. But they are redeeming themselves and getting over the past.
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bteezxyewriter12 · 2 days
Text
Back to Me
Pairing- Seonghwa x Named Reader
Word count- 5k
Includes- Angst, Fluff
Based on the song Back to Me by the Rose
Tag List- @mingtina @jaxminnie @yeosayang @delightfulmoonbanana @tannie13 @y00nzin0 @marsstarxhwa
@yeosxxx @seokwoosmole @jjongsbebe @wisejudgedragonhairdo @meowmeowminnie @woo-stars @borntowalkaway @usagionthered @san-realblkwife @seonghwasstar @jejeyeppeo @soulseobi05 @kpop-bambi @prayerofthehaim @realisticnotes @pinkies-things @insomniacatiny @stephy-nicole13 @mknae-jongho @bykeynote
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Seonghwa POV
Sitting on the floor in front of her apartment door, I wait for her to come home
This is the only way I can see her, the only way I know to get her to talk to me
To get her back
Called me all day
But I never pick up
Instead of pulling my weight
Always pushing my luck
Our relationship was volatile near the end
It didn't start out that way
Meeting in high school, high school sweethearts
Falling completely in love
I finally had someone who loved me, who cared, who'd do anything for me
My childhood and teenage years were awful
My parents were complete assholes and abusive
But when I met her.....it's like everything fell into place
Everything was worth living for again
As long as she smiled at me, I was happy
As long as she kissed me, I was loved
As long as she held me, I was safe
As long as she loved me, I was worth it
Then we graduated
She went to college to become a teacher
I didn't go to college and started my string of dead end jobs
But we were still happy
We moved in together and everything was amazing
Until I started drinking
And kept on drinking
And I started treating her like crap
I'm a mean drunk and I fought with her all the time over nothing
Screaming matches, I'd make her cry then I'd leave, disappearing for days
She'd call me all day and I wouldn't pick up the phone
The times I did pick up was to yell at her to leave me alone
I'd flirt with other girls
I never cheated on her, I would never and even when I did flirt it was just to get drinks at the bar because I was always broke
Spending our money on alcohol
Money we needed for rent and bills
Money that she was making for us
You gave me all that I could take
Yeah, I took it all for granted
And through it all, she loved me
Accepted my apologies when I used to give them in the beginning
I'd cry, beg her to forgive me and she always did
After awhile I knew my sorries meant nothing because I kept doing the same things, so I stopped apologizing
Act like nothing happened whenever I came back home or woke up the next day
And she never said a word, never demanded an apology, just told me she loves me over and over
Offer her help which I accepted when I was sober and ignored when I was drunk
I took her for granted
I took her love for granted
I thought she'd always be there
And now she's not
I remember thinking
I don't need you
But then time passed by
And it's so untrue
Now I'm the rain over your parade
Reason you're over me
When we had fights and I was so incensed, I used to think I didn't need her
And when she broke up with me three months ago, I yelled in her face that I don't need her
After the break up I kept thinking, convincing myself, I didn't need her
I was better off without her
I didn't need her nagging
Didn't need her help she offered with my drinking problem
I didn't need her smile, didn't need her holding me
I didn't need her love
I was fine
But in the back of my head I knew it wasn't true
And as time passes I'm not denying that it's untrue anymore
I can't stop thinking about her
I miss her so much it physically hurts
It's killing me to not wake up to her every morning, to not have her in my arms, to not have her to come home too
I'm dying without her
I love her more than anything in this world
But she's over me
And it hurts so fucking much, I can't breathe
The worst part
It's all my fault
Calling all day
Tryna make things right
Since you told me hit the road
I've been running on empty
If anything I know
It's how to ruin a happy ending
Ever since Wooyoung sent me that fucking picture, I've been calling her all day for the last two days
And jokes on me because now she's not picking up the phone
And I'm feeling the way she felt when I wouldn't pick up
Panicky
Upset
Desperate to hear her voice
Worried
I've been falling apart since she threw me out of her apartment but I hid it, pushed it away
I was angry she left me and I blamed everything on her
I held on to the anger for a few weeks until the pain of not being with her was too much and I couldn't hide it anymore
We were on our way to a happy ending until I fucked it up
I just had to start drinking and ruin everything
She always said I was the one she wanted forever, the one she'd marry, have a family with and I wanted that desperately too
But I ruined it all
I remember when you still needed me
Don't know how I let it go so easily
But I always keep making the same mistakes
Maybe I never deserved you anyways
I never deserved her
I knew that from the moment she said yes to me
I was always made to believe I was worthless, a loser, going nowhere in life by my parents and my family
Until her
But I always knew I didn't deserve her
I was always grateful for her love
Happy she loved me, she wanted me
Even after everything started falling apart, she stayed, continued to love me
I didn't deserve that
Not when I fought with her constantly, when I left her alone when she needed me
When I made her cry
I couldn't stand to see her cry, knowing she was crying because of me and I had to leave
I should of stayed there with her, held her, apologized, comforted her
But I ran away
She needed me and I left her
She always said she needed me but she really didn't
I needed her but she didn't need me
She said she needed me to hold her at night, she needed to cuddle me when we watched TV, she needed me with her, near her, she needed my love
I wasn't sure about that then or even now but I do know that the times she did truly need me, when she was crying, when I left her alone for days, I wasn't there
I ignored her
I failed her
I can make you mad
I can make you scream
I can make you cry
I can make you leave
I can make you hate me
For everything
I can make a world out of broken dreams
I can make you say things you don't mean
I can unmake all we were made to be
But I can't make you come back to me
I know whenever we fought it drove her crazy
I'd say stupid shit, making her angry, making her say things I knew she didn't mean
Like I'm a jerk, an asshole, a stupid idiot, a drunk
Made her threaten to leave me
Make her scream at me
She'd never wanted to fight, always tried to diffuse the situation but I kept going, pushing her buttons until she lost it
I made her leave the fight a few times
Making it too much for her to deal with that she just walked away
Lock herself in the bedroom or go stay at her friend's house
I made her cry way too many times
I always said I'd never make her cry when we first got together
But I failed miserably at that
The last fight we had, the one that finally broke her was bad
I was drunk at some bar, flirting with some girl to get her to pay for my drinks
One of my friends called her to come and get me
I remember the hurt on her face when she saw me laughing with the other girl
Smiling, flirting, the girl touching my bicep I was flexing for her
Even though I was drunk, I saw how unhappy she was, how sad and I hated myself
She came over to me and told me she came to bring me home
I fought with her, because of course I did
I told her to go the fuck away, leave me alone
She wouldn't leave, begging me to come home with her
"Please Hwannie. Come home"
She tugged on my arm and I was so out of it, I let her drag me out of the bar
When the cool air hit me once we were out in the street, it woke me up a bit and I realized she was taking me home
Walking me to her car
And I snapped
"Get the fuck off me!", I shouted, pulling my arm out of her grip
"Hwa, stop baby. You need to come home and sleep this off"
"I don't want to go anywhere with you!", I shouted, ashamed of how I was acting and that just pissed me off more
"Seonghwa!"
"You go home. I don't want to fucking go there. I hate being there"
"I'm there baby", she whispered
"I don't give a fuck! I don't want to be around you! All you do is fight with me and it's annoying! You're fucking annoying!"
I remember her starting to cry and it infuriated me
I was angry with myself and took it out on her
I was screaming at her to shut the fuck up in the middle of the sidewalk, to get the fuck away from me, that I wanted her gone
"Seonghwa, I love you-"
"I don't care!", I screamed, "I don't want you! I can't stand you!"
She cried harder, "I...I can't do this anymore Seonghwa. I love you so much but I can't take this anymore. You've been gone for five days and I just want you home with me"
"I don't want to go home! I want to go back inside, I want to drink and flirt with girls who'll buy me what I want!"
She shook her head, "Seonghwa, if you....if you don't come home with me that's it. It's over. You and me....it's over. I love you but I can't drive myself crazy worrying about you, fighting with you. You need help and I want to help you"
"I don't want your help!", I shouted, "I don't fucking need you!"
I remember the tears rolling down her face as she said, "If you don't come home with me right now, then don't come back"
"Fine", I snapped, then turned around and walked right back to the bar, her sobs making me angry at the moment but remembering it now, those sobs break me
I went back to the bar and drank until I blacked out
I woke up on Hongjoong's couch
I found out later that she texted Hongjoong to watch me and bring me to his house
He told me what happened the night before, that her and I were over
I didn't believe him, taking for granted that she wouldn't really leave me
I drank the next night and the next, staying away from the apartment
I only realized everything was real, she really left me, was when I woke up in Hongjoong's apartment three days later and all my stuff was in his living room in boxes
I asked him what the fuck was going on and he reminded me that we broke up
He relayed the fight again, relayed how I made the decision by walking away from her and how she was following through with that decision
He told me she packed all my stuff and asked him to come get it
And I knew in that moment that I took everything too far
I unmade everything we were and everything we were supposed to be
That was the day my world ended, the day I pushed it all away until slowly, bit by bit I'm here now, utterly broken and desperate to talk to her
I could do all the wrong things but I can't make her come back to me
The only thing I can do is try
Which is why I'm here, waiting for her to come home
To convince her to come back to me
--------------------------------
I wait hours until I hear footsteps coming down the hall
She's looking at her phone as she walks towards her apartment
I take the few seconds before she sees me to take her in
Beautiful like always but her whole aura is....sad?
She looks skinnier than the last time I saw her, darker bags under her eyes and she looks exhausted
She looks how I look and feel
Miserable
Her head lifts, her gaze landing on me
Her eyes narrow and harden, a pissed off look forming on her face
"What do you want?", she snaps as I stand up
I know she's mad and I deserve every ounce of her anger
"I...I want to talk to you"
"I have nothing to say. Go away"
She breaks eye contact, moving to the door
I stand aside so she can unlock it
"Please? Just for ten minutes?"
"Seonghwa-"
"Please?", I beg, my voice shaky
I don't know how else to get her back if she won't speak to me
She glares, "You have ten minutes. Then you fucking leave"
I nod, hoping that she'll take me back and I'll never have to leave again
She turns her back to me, walking in her apartment and I follow like a lost puppy
Because truthfully, I'm completely lost without her
"What do you want?", she snaps, throwing her bag and her jacket on the couch, then facing me, her arms crossed over her chest
"I'm sorry", I blurt
"No you're not", she snarls
"Yes I am. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have walked away from you. I shouldn't have fought with you. I should of went home with you that night"
"But you didn't. You wanted to drink and flirt with other girls. You got your wish. You can go and flirt with anyone you want. So why don't you go do that and leave me alone"
"Because I want you", I whisper, ashamed at the things I said to her
I know it hurt her so much
It would hurt me if she said she wanted to flirt with other guys
"No you don't. You walked away from me remember?", she snaps, "Oh wait, you probably don't because you were piss faced drunk"
"I'm sorry", I repeat, desperate for her to see how fucking sorry I really am, "I...I want to come back. I want you"
She snorts, "Now you want me? Now you wanna be here? Where were you when I needed you?"
I don't answer, ashamed
I wasn't with her, where I was supposed to be
"No answer? Well I'll answer for you. You were at the bar getting shit faced. You were flirting with other girls to get drinks. You were gone for days, never answering your phone. When all I wanted was you, you were doing who the fuck knows"
I wasn't here with her but I wasn't doing anything significant when I was gone
Mostly sleeping off my hangover in one of my friend's apartments
Then I'd go out at night again to get drunk again and it would all happen all over again
"I don't even know if you ever cheated on me"
"I didn't", I answer immediately, "I never did"
"How do you know? You were always too far gone to remember what you did"
I shake my head, adamant about this
I know I never cheated on her
I never would
Even when I was drunk, one of the guys was always there
To watch me but really they didn't have to
They told me I never tried anything with any girl, except to flirt to get drinks
And anytime a girl came on to me, I told them no
So even piss faced drunk I didn't cheat on her
"I know. The guys know. They were there. They saw me refuse every girl that came on to me when I was drunk. And I never tried to get with any girl. I only flirted to get my drinks paid for. You can ask them"
They even told me I was the most well behaved drunk they've known, in that aspect anyway
"Whatever", she snaps, "It doesn't change the fact that you would rather get drunk than be home with me"
"That's not true!", I answer, upset she thinks that, "It's just, when I get alcohol in me that's all I wanted but when I was sober all I wanted was to be with you. And that's all I want, is to be with you again. All I want is you"
She just shakes her head, looking away, "Why are you here Seonghwa? It's been three months and I haven't heard from you since the day we broke up. There's more you're not telling me. What happened? Why are you here now? Why not a month ago? Why not a week after we broke up? Why now?"
"Because", I exclaim, my heart hurting just thinking about it, "You went out with someone else! And the thought of another man touching you...I can't handle it"
She stares at me like I've lost my mind
I feel like I lost my mind
"What the hell are you talking about? I haven't gone out with anyone"
Is she really gonna lie to me?
To my face?
"Yes you did Joanne. Wooyoung saw you out with some guy at a diner", I tell her, pulling my phone out and opening it to the picture
The picture Wooyoung took of her and the guy and sent to me, effectively breaking my heart
I can't even look at it without tearing up
Holding it up, I show it to her, a look of anger and disbelief on her face
"Wooyoung took the picture and sent it to me"
"Oh my god, he's such a creep!", she yells, her eyes moving from the picture to me, "And you're a fucking idiot!"
Well, I don't know what I expected but this reaction was not it
"That guy is a friend and coworker! He's married!", she shouts, "His wife was coming back from a business trip and he had some time to kill before going to meet her at the airport. He said he was going to get something to eat and invited me along"
Ok it's not a date but that guy could still want her
Being married never stopped anyone from cheating
And it doesn't mean she doesn't like him that way either
"And you went", I accuse
"Yes I went!", she snaps, "I went because I couldn't stand being back in this apartment alone for another entire night!"
Her eyes fill with tears and I hate that I'm making her cry yet again
"This entire apartment is filled with you! With memories of you!", she sobs, glaring at me angrily, "I can't handle it. Everything I look at reminds me of you! I can't sit on the couch because all I think about is you sitting there playing a stupid video game or us cuddling while we watched tv"
I swallow hard at the emotion in her voice
I didn't know she thought about us
The last time I saw her...it seemed like she had given up on us
"I can't sleep on your side of the bed or hell even in the middle because all I remember is you holding me all night. The kitchen reminds me of us cooking together. The shower reminds me of you washing my hair and us having soap fights. Every room is filled with you!"
"Jo-", I start, not sure what I want to say but I just want to make her feel better
I was wrong about everything
Again
I thought she was over me
I didn't know she's just as bad as I am
"And you're a fucking idiot if you think I could just go out with someone else after three months of not being with you!", she yells, "That's something you would do, not me!"
"I wouldn't-"
"Shut up!", she cries, "If you don't think that this entire break up hasn't completely devastated me, that I'm not utterly lost without you, then you're a fucking moron! I miss you all the time. You're all I think about. Wondering if you found a new girl to be with and forgot all about me"
"I didn't", I shake my head, "I didn't jagi"
"Three months is not enough time to get over someone I love more than anything in this world", she whispers, "It's not enough time to get over the love of my life, if that's even possible"
Hearing her call me the love of her life keeps the hope I have alive
The hope that she might forgive me and take me back
"You're the love of my life Jo", I tell her
She snorts through tears, "Fuck off Seonghwa"
"No! I won't fuck off ", I say loudly, "You had your turn to speak, now it's mine!"
"There's nothing to say Seonghwa. You've more than proven that I'm nothing you want. You screamed in my face that you don't want me and don't need me. Remember?"
"I was stupid!", I yell, "I was. I did everything wrong but I won't let you think I don't love you. Of course I need you. I love you"
She looks away and I can tell she doesn't know if she should believe me
"Jo, I've never loved anything in my life until you", I confess, "I love you with everything in me baby. I'm going insane without you"
I move closer to her, taking her hand and breathing in relief when she doesn't pull away
"You're all I think about", I tell her, "I miss you so much Jo, it fucking hurts. I'm just as lost without you jagi. Everyday, I wake up in dread because you're not next to me and I remember that I can't see you. I can't just pick up the phone and call you, I can't spend the day with you and it's soul crushing"
I blink away the tears pooling in my eyes from how heartbroken I am without her
"When I saw the picture Wooyoung sent me, I felt like I was dying jagi", I confess, the tears falling down my face, "I...I realized that I really lost you and the thought of you with another guy...fuck it killed me. And it made me realize that I have to change my life to be the man you deserve"
She shakes her head, "You can't change for me Seonghwa. You have to change for you. You'll just end up resenting me if you change for me"
"I am changing for me and for you jagi. I..I need help to do it but I'm going to"
"What are you talking about?", she asks quietly
I take a breath to tell her everything I've started changing once Wooyoung sent me that picture
"I stopped drinking jagi. I got into an AA group and I went to the first meeting yesterday"
I know my drinking was a huge problem
I'd become belligerent, say hurtful things to her, make her cry
I never want to do that again
"Wow, that's...that's really good Seonghwa. That'll help you so much. I'm...I'm happy for you", she says, genuine shock and relief in her face
I nod, glad I can actually show her I'm changing
"I also found a therapist to go to. Psychologist. To talk about the shit I've had to go through when I was young. To get to the bottom of the drinking problem and get better"
Her eyes widen as she takes in my words
"I...uh...I also got a job", I tell her, "A real job with Hongjoong. He's ..he's going to teach me to be a mechanic"
That's something I was always interested in but with my drinking there was no way I could concentrate on trade school and no one would let me work on cars anyway
"Hongjoong hired you?"
"Yeah", I nod, "One uh, one of the conditions to keep working with him is that I stay sober, go to AA meetings and keep seeing the psychologist"
"That's good Seonghwa. He's a good friend to help you like this"
He is
I don't know where I'd be without him
But there is someone else I need
"I need you baby", I whisper
Her eyes break away from mine, darting to the floor, her face unsure
"I don't....know Seonghwa. I miss you and I love you more than anything...but I can't...I can't go through everything again. I can't handle the fights, the way it seems like you hate me when you get angry-"
"I don't hate you. I never hated you baby. I love you more than anything", I tell her, "It'll be hard jagi, I...I may fuck up a bit but I will never let it get like it used to be. I won't be drinking baby so that will cut out a lot of our problems"
"But you might get....irritable because you can't drink"
I nod, knowing that's true
It's what the AA meeting leader said could happen
"Yeah baby, that's when... I...I'll need your help too...if you can"
"You want my help?", she asks quietly
I know it's shocking
I never wanted her help before but now I can't think of anyone better to help me then her
"Yeah baby", I answer, "I..I know they'll be setbacks and it'll be difficult but there's no one I'd rather have by my side than you"
She bites her lip hesitantly
"I can do it easier with you jagi. Please baby, give me one more chance? Come back to me?"
I hold my breath, waiting for her answer
Hoping, praying that she takes me back
"This is your last chance Seonghwa", she says softly, "I understand you may fall off the wagon a few times and I'll help you if that happens but if it gets to be like before....with you out all night, getting drunk every night, flirting, never coming home, fighting with me then it's over for good. Nothing you say will make me take you back"
"I understand jagi", I tell her, hope filling me, "I won't let it get to that, I promise"
She nods, "Ok Hwannie"
"Ok? I...I can come home? With you?", I ask, wanting confirmation
She nods, "You can come home Hwa"
Her words wash over me and I immediately pull her into my arms, holding her tightly, burying my face in her neck and sobbing in relief and utter happiness
"I love you Jo. I love you so much", I cry
Her arms move around me and I break down more, the feeling of being in her arms absolute heaven
"I love you Seonghwa. More than anything in this world baby", she sobs too, her arms so tight around me, "My Hwa"
"Only yours", I assure her, "Just yours. I love you"
"I love you"
Pulling back a little, I look down at my beautiful jagi, wiping her tears away
Leaning down, I kiss her in a loving kiss I've been waiting to feel since I lost her
And it's one of the best kisses she's ever given me
--------------------------------
"I can bring all my stuff back tomorrow, if it's ok?", I ask her as we get into bed
"Yeah baby. Do you need help packing?"
I shake my head, "I just been crashing at Hongjoong's and everything is still in the boxes you packed. I can just load them up into the car and bring them back"
After we kissed, we've just been glued to each other all night
We ordered food then watched TV, cuddling on the couch
I've never been so happy to have her in my arms, to run my fingers in her hair, to just be with her
I'm never giving that, giving her up again
I will make sure I will be the best man I can be
"You never unpacked?"
I shake my head, "No jagi...I...I guess I didn't think we were really over until I saw the picture of you with that guy"
"He's just a friend baby", she says softly, facing me in bed, running her fingers in my hair, "I swear Hwa. I only love you"
I nod
I know
After tonight, after everything she said, I know she only loves me
"And yeah, you can bring all your stuff back tomorrow baby"
I smile, so fucking happy, so grateful I'm back home, with her
She smiles softly, her thumb moving over my lips softly, "I missed your smile Hwannie. I missed you so much"
"I missed you jagi. I swear baby, I didn't know that I could feel that much pain from not being with you. I honestly don't think I can live without you"
She nods, "I know Hwa. I feel the same way baby. I don't want to be away from you ever again. Please don't hurt me again baby"
"I won't", I swear, "Never again jagi. I shouldn't have to begin with and I'm so sorry I hurt you but I swear, never again"
She nods, moving closer, her lips pressing against mine softly in a sweet kiss
My body immediately relaxes into hers, moving my arms around her, pulling her right against me, kissing her desperately
I need her, it feels like her kisses are reviving me and it's just what I need
"I love you", she murmurs after the kiss
"I love you", I tell her, "So much"
She smiles, kisses me again, then cuddles against me
I kiss the top of her head, holding her tightly so grateful she took me back
39 notes · View notes
acourtofthought · 2 days
Note
I just saw an Elriel post that highlighted the "mating bond is a bridge between souls" line and then showed Feysand quotes to emphasize the point. They then showed the Elriel quote, "the only bridge of connection between them...that knife" and a quote that says how Lucien had "done nothing to bridge the gap between them" 
I find it ironic that they used that specific quote for Elriel since it literally says that the ONLY bridge of connection between Elain and Azriel is truth teller, and then Elain gives truth teller back. Meaning there is no more bridge connecting them.
Also, I will never understand how they bash Lucien for apparently not trying hard enough to connect with Elain, but as soon as he does try anything, they scream that he's possessive and taking away Elain's choice. So, what exactly do they want from him?
Also, there is a quote from Lucien where he literally says that the bond between him and Elain is real, "it's a read thread." So, is there an emotional gap between Lucien and Elain right now? Yes, which is completely understandable. But is there also a mating bond, a bridge between souls, between them? Also, yes. 
To your point at the end, it is ok there's an emotional gap between Lucien and Elain. I don't want them connecting in someone else's book, I don't want Elain's feelings to be evident for him where I'm not getting to experience it all from her POV. I don't want a flashing neon sign proclaiming "they're in love!" rather than seeing it happen in their story. SJM left me enough hints to feel confident while still looking forward to their romance playing out in real time. Also, this wasn't in the novella for shits and giggles: "Stay out of it. She's not ready, and neitehr is he, no matter how many presents they bring." "Let him live with his Band of Exiles. Let him deal with Tamlin in his own way. Let him figure out where he wants to be. Who he wants to be. The same goes with her." "Just be patient. It'll sort itself out. It always does." "I want them to be happy. All of them." "They will be" She said the simple words with such unflagging conviction that I believed her. That covers it all. The reason Elain and Lucien are currently at odds, the reason Lucien still has not attempted to bridge the gap. Neither is ready, they still have too much of their own problems to figure out before they can turn to romance. Elain needed to accept becoming fae, needing to consider the possibility of actually being with a fae (and not jumping right into an intense mating bond), Lucien needed time to really think about what he wants from his future, where he wants to live (it's not going to be the human lands forever), how he wants to deal with his relationship with Tamlin. Now that SF has ended they've had 16 months to do exactly that and there's a good chance that Mor's prediction is about to take off. The funniest thing is they'll destroy Lucien's character for keeping his distance from Elain while applauding Az for doing the exact same thing. Lucien can't stand being near Elain because he sees her current distance and it hurts him. It's evident he still thinks about her, he asked Feyre how she was doing, brought her a present, asked if she still mourned Graysen (which means he is respecting the love she had for someone else). We know an unfulfilled bond can drive males mad and that is another reason it's a strain for him. Az avoided Elain because he can't stand the scent of her bond. Did she ask him to stay away? Did she ignore him? Lucien is doing what he's doing because he's respecting Elain's clues for space and time though it pains him to do so. Az is doing what he's doing for his own selfish reasons. Elain could have used a support system in the NC over the past year but Az chose to focus on his own needs instead of what would have been best for her. The scent of her bond isn't going anywhere and he chose to make that the driving factor of whether to spend time with her or not which means he'll never spend time with her unless the bond suddenly disappeared. That's not a worthy male. And yes, "the ONLY bridge of connection, that knife." Which means, after Elain returned TT, there was no remaining bridge of connection. Sure they were willing to make out but the author is LITERALLY telling us there's nothing to support their pairing long term. The one thing that seemed to connect them is not the foundation that true love is built on. It makes me laugh when this line is used romantically but when the other hints that are used throughout the series also receive the blinder treatment, I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Like Elain and Az outside, his leathers SO AT ODDS with the beautiful garden. Or Elain with spring blooming behind her and death on the other side. Elain sitting in the sunniest windows, as if "any bit of darkness was abhorrent", Elain in black, "no matter that she declared herself part of this court, it sucked the life from her."
A near kiss and a few glances mean nothing when the author is continually feeding us line after line about how Elain is not where she's meant to be and she's not ending up with the guy who is completely at odds with her in every way despite her efforts to distract herself from her problems by engaging in a crush on him.
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wolfpawzjakey · 3 days
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The ghost of Jason who decides to stay with Percy.
kinder, but still creepy - your lover's ghost doesn't want to kill you or hurt you, he just wants to be with you, even if by all laws he is supposed to be in hades.
Percy always feels Jason - a fleeting touch on his cheeks, shoulders and arms, a light breeze or a draft walking in his apartment, the way the electricity hums, a shadow too human to be a play of light that is always next to him, the feelings of familiar but cold hugs at night.
Percy has watched horror movies, he knows what to do... but he doesn't want to part with Jason either, and neither does Jason with him.
Oog anon, this one.
I was thinking about ghost Jason recently. In many ways and senses. I like this idea a lot.
Jason’s ghost haunting Percy, and Percy really struggles with it. A memory of his dead lover, a memory of something he could’ve changed if he had just been there, prophecy be damned. It wasn’t his fault, but to him it was. Having Jason surround him as a ghost, always there, leaving his body cold and shuddering as he laid beside Percy, was an unending mental battle. Jason was attached to Percy, stuck to him with a tie that he couldn’t break and Percy had to struggle to find comfort in the sharp and stark anguish he felt by having Jason here again. Because he couldn’t mourn properly while having his dead boyfriend follow him around, he couldn’t mourn properly when he noticed how the wind would caress him gently or the electricity in his house would flicker whenever Percy said him name, a reminder of “I am here and will be here forever”. But Percy moves through it, the motions are harder, his days are longer, because Jason is here, he’s with him, in ways that matter but these ways can’t make up for what he’s missing. He finds comfort through Jason’s subtle reminders though, slowly but surely they make him.
The others notice subtle differences about Percy since Jason’s ghost has found him, but Nico is the first to bring it up, because of course he can see Jason, not that Jason’s really paid him much mind, too focused on Percy. Nico warns Percy against allowing Jason’s presence to stay, he knows neither would be happy, but he knows it would only kill Percy, one way or another. And knowing that, Percy doesn’t care, but Jason’s ghost, he shifts solemnly and as usual, wordlessly.
This issue in the air now, Jason has been quieter than usual, Percy’s place is warmer and he doesn’t get to feel the cold presence around him as often, not unless he begs and cries. He’s desperate, Jason’s ghost is ill at ease. Jason may be dead, may want with his whole might to be with Percy, but he doesn’t want that by the means of Percy dying as well. He wants to be back with Percy when time says it’s right, not because he’s selfish and not ready to let go and wait that time out. But in the moments he keeps his distance, watching from a point away in the house, where he isn’t sucking Percy’s energy from his body just to be able to announce his present, he can’t help but break his own rules when Percy’s eyes well up with tears. He folds instantly, the contact point between Percy’s body and his incorporeal form buzzing with energy that makes him more powerful, but sucks that power right from Percy’s soul.
The two dance this dance, their wants to be together even after Jason’s death stronger than anything, but Nico puts his foot down for them, Percy looks like hell, he’s exhausted all the time and easily sick. The teen is rough about it all but is easy to give solutions. Sure, these solutions are taxing on him, but he won’t die that’s for sure, and his strength in his power has only been getting better, letting Percy see and speak to Jason on some occasion unless Jason so decides to reincarnate. It’s a save for them both, as uneasy it is to let Jason go, they both go for this. Somehow an easy out but also the hardest thing to do for them.
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I’ve read a few fics of the dead haunting their past lovers in good ways, either visibly or not, I’ve always really liked them. Plus the ability to choose if they stay with their people or move on to the other side it’s so 😭😭😭
Thank you for your ask anon!
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valenteal · 13 hours
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I love how complex the dynamics of the Todoroki family are, like mha messed up a lot of things but the Todorokis are so well thought out. They exist independently from one another in a way that most fiction fails to capture. Each of the kids had very different relationships and experiences with their parents and it’s affected them all differently.
People love to say Shouto and Touya are similar but I think they are extremely different because of one detail: Touya knew what a happy family felt like. Before his quirk hurt him his parents adored him and were seemingly happy with each other. He was his father’s greatest achievement and Enji built him up, told him his whole life that he was going to be the best, trained him, praised him. He knew happiness, even if it coincided with physical abuse and unreasonable expectations to put on a child. Overnight he went from being abused but not neglected to neglected but not abused. He continued trying to train himself because for him pain and injury was already a part of his life, he didn’t see a reason for a few burns to stop him because he had probably been told that they shouldn’t by Enji before the truth of his quirk came to light. Touya’s feelings towards Enji are very different from Shouto’s because of this.
Shouto doesn’t seek revenge against his father the same way Touya does, not because Touya suffered more at his hands or because Shouto’s an inherently kind person, but because he never loved Enji. He was an abusive piece of shit for Shouto’s whole life. Touya hates Endeavor because he used to love him. He lives for revenge, his life and goals revolve around bringing down his father, proving himself and hurting the man who hurt him. Shouto would be happy to never even think of Endeavor again. Doesn’t want to see him, doesn’t want anyone to think of his father when the see him, doesn’t want anything at all to do with him. He’s indifferent to Enji’s existence as long as it isn’t immediately impacting him.
Touya and Shouto suffered similar abuse from their father but that key difference of ever feeling loved is what makes them so different. In the end Enji’s love and affection is the reason Touya went crazy, losing something is much harder than never having it in the first place. If Enji hadn’t just stopped spending time with Touya it would’ve been different. If he’d made the effort to really get Touya to understand and not expect overnight results… well it would’ve been a very different story.
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captain-amadeus · 8 months
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Good day for sketching (Bloom au sketch under cut where Ivy is near death oof)
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Me, age seven: Energetic but bored only child who constantly asked for their parents to adopt one of the kids in those “find me a home” news specials. Begged on their hands and knees to go to public school so they could meet people their age and get acclimated to society.
Me, age twenty: Apathetic, jaded adult who views any amount of communication as excruciatingly laborious. Is either indifferent or hateful to most people their age. Wants to wander off into a forest so they can die alone in some remote tar pit.
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daydreamerdrew · 1 year
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Iron Man (1968) #13
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#I would kill my ex ‘p’ to become rich.#I would kill my ex ‘m’ to obtain even more beauty and attract even more people.#I would beat up my ex ‘b’ to the point of him almost dying to have a nice house and the best of the best of things.#I would beat up my bf ‘d’ to be more mentally stable so that I am balanced and at peace with myself and my life.#I would kill my ex ‘k’ to become a well known scholar who has many degrees in maths science and philosophy and to preform surgery&research#I would step on anybody to get to where I want to be in life if it meant making myself happy.#I just manipulated my bf into feeling bad for me because I genuinely just want to feel good and secure even if that’s at his expense.#he’s right.. I don’t care about anyone more than myself and I don’t think that’s a bad thing. why should I put someone above myself?#I’ll tell you what.. until someone can show me that being a good honest generous person can get me anywhere I’ll keep doing what works :)#grey god#puppets#and I genuinely just don’t like or care for others. there’s always something I want in return when it comes to relationships with others.#I find humans disgusting and faulty and I don’t care if I add to their pain because it’s usually to benefit me and if it doesn’t it’s to-#-get back at others for hurting me. or I’m bored. I probably have the most sick and twisted mind of anyone I know. I think people know that#-tho but they still keep me around and help me out whenever I need it. it’s all a show for me and for them. people are so stupid and they#-genuinely think doing the right think helps them. it doesn’t. it’s kind of sad. I just know that once ‘d’ realizes I’ve taken him for -#-everything he’s got it’ll be too late and he’ll have to deal with how much better I am than him and how much I’ve grown leeching off of-#-his emotional labor. I just jump from one person to another taking what I want and what I can. I don’t think I’ve genuinely loved anyone.#I’ve always been this way. I almost love people but then I just truly don’t. it’s more fun to see how far I can break them before#-they can’t do it anymore. I hope that everyone I’ve ever hurt continues to hurt forever and that they never grown or evolve.#’d’ told me tonight that I ruined his life. ‘b’ told me I ruined him. ‘m’ is a coward and he said he’ll never love again.#’k’ is a used up simple minded loser. ‘p’ is a stunted delusion addict with me issues for the rest of his life. notice I said me issues and#not daddy or mommy issues lol. I have tricked them all. they are all pathetic and whimpy fucks.#the day I grinded against ‘d’s sluty ass again after I ‘raped him’ he told me to go slow but it made me think.. what if I just raped him?#I could just do it and he won’t do shit about it. he’ll forgive me like always. he’s an insecure loser. I wanted to just take my dick-#and shove it down his throat and then ruin his hole with it#but I didn’t. I respected what he said but the fact that I thought about it isn’t good.
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jytan2018 · 10 months
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I read the comic in one sitting less than an hour after finishing the movie, and wow I have many Thoughts™.
- It's very obvious the two versions were meant to cater to different audiences AND tell different messages. I don't get why people are going "But the comic was better! It had more nuance!" just because Nimona was easier to root for in the movie.
- The comic was written back when ND Stevenson was still trying to process a lot of stuff, so all the characters are morally grey/straight up evil and the climactic battle is between a Ballister who regrets turning against Nimona, even if it was to save others vs. a Nimona who's too hurt to care if her lashing out was going to hurt innocent people.
- By the time Nimona got a movie adaptation, ND was a lot more secure in his sexuality, so the climactic battle was Nimona vs. the Director, the symbol of religious oppression and bigotry. It's not just about your friends turning on you because you're "too much" for them anymore, it's also about a society that would rather bring itself to the brink of ruin than coexist with you.
- (I totally get why people were upset about Ballister's surname change, though. Like come on, the media dubbing him Blackheart just to be mean was RIGHT THERE).
- Nimona's metaphor for not shifting is such a neurodivergent thing. Even in the comic, Nimona's parents insisting she's a monster who replaced their daughter is reminiscent of the changeling myth, which is what many parents thought their neurodivergent kids were—changelings who replaced their "real" children.
- Ambrosius being trained to cut off HIS BOYFRIEND'S WHOLE FUCKING ARM instead of merely disarming him is a very cop thing to do. As much as cops claim they're trained to de-escalate situations, their training still teaches them to treat everyone as a potential threat, and that level of constant vigilance can turn anyone into a trigger-happy/arm-choppy bastard. Even the Director, who can use a sword but probably hasn't actually fought someone in ages, STILL can't see Ballister reaching for the squire's phone without assuming he has a weapon.
- And on that note, the Queen getting killed simply because she was trying to reform the Institution and allow commoners to become knights? That's the best "no such thing as a good cop" metaphor I've seen. Because even if there ARE good cops and they ARE in leadership positions, the system will crush them before they make any meaningful change. It's not a good institution that turned rotten, it's an institution that only exists to spread its rot and refuses to be good.
- That's why Ballister's characterisation is so different in the movie vs. the comic. Comic Ballister had 15 years to come to terms with his trauma and the Institution's evildoing, while Movie Ballister is still freshly traumatised and hasn't found a way to define himself beyond the role he was assigned by the Institution.
- Not to mention Comic Ambrosius was not very noble to begin with and genuinely believed Ballister was better suited to villainy than heroism, while Movie Ambrosius never wanted the glory that came with his lineage in the first place and only antagonised Ballister because of indoctrination he needed to unlearn (which he did, all by himself, after witnessing the lengths the Director will go to just to kill Nimona).
- It really shows how important it is to surround yourself with loved ones who are open to change. Comic Ambrosius can love Ballister all he wants, but he'll still blast his arm off because he thinks Ballister deserved it anyway. Movie Ambrosius will stop to question what "the right thing" even means, even if he didn't love Ballister enough to defend him unconditionally.
I have so many more thoughts bubbling beneath the surface, but I'll probably address them some other day. In conclusion:
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[ID: A pink-haired Nimona grinning evilly while holding up a knife.]
Watch Nimona. This is not a request.
Edit: Added more thoughts!
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#my dad is so fucking#frustrating i fucking hate him so much#why can't he just stick to one thing? if you've decided to be an asshole then be a goddamn asshole#why these random bursts of affection and caring I HATE IT it hurts me more than you scolding me#because your love is so fucking conditional and fickle and i never know what to do to keep receiving it#and it makes me question everything about myself my thoughts my relationships whether if im actually ever right when im mad at people#it makes me think oh maybe it was me i understoof them wrong i can never fuckinh trust my judgement#like feeling unloved is all MY fault i am the one who can never get enough#i still don't know if that's true#broken three different relationships and I still don't know this about myself everytime i was like i don't feel like you love me and they#were like what no ofcourse i do but if you can't see it then fine fuck off i give up#he said he is concerned about my weight because he's scared i might get some diseases like thyroid (bc mum has it) or pcod or something???#like dude why tf did u not just say that pehle 😭😭😭😭 i spent like 5 days feeling miserable not eating properly because i thought you#hated my appearance all my fragile self esteem it's all broken now i can't eat dinner without thinking about you saying don't you dare have#dinner if you feel hungry just drink water#and the worst part is i can't even skip dinner because it gives me a horrible headache the next morning and then i can't study and work#which btw YOU can absolutely not tolerate i gave up on being happy for your dreams im just trying to make you proud and happiness feels#like a far fetched dream now but i keep going everyday because im so close to the finish line and maybe if i do this you would finally be#happy with me love me#i told him that my first loan file got sanctioned today and he was so fucking happy so proud so soft like eat the dragonfruit i brought for#you okay it's so tasty and take care of yourself celebrate this little win you've worked hard#like just. please. don't confuse me you saying shit like this made me sob so much harder than all your angry words
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