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copperbadge · 5 months

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Feeling a little overly perceived by Dr. Dodson right now, not gonna lie.

I'll throw a transcript under the cut, but both reading the transcript and listening to the video can be difficult as it's quite long, so here's some highlights. As always, these are the opinions of a specialist but only one specialist, so take with a grain of salt, and if you have research to add to this, please feel free to comment or reblog with it. I believe this presentation is from sometime in 2022.

ADHD appears to derive from issues in the corpus striatum in the brain. In most people, the corpus striatum filters out all but the most important input AND output; with ADHD, the things normally handled "outside of awareness" must be handled consciously.

People with ADHD don't see their emotions coming. Emotion is immediate, intense, and unfiltered, making therapies like CBT or ACT difficult, because you can learn the technique but you won't have time to employ it. Because people with ADHD have impulse control issues, expressing emotions "inappropriately" is common, leading people with ADHD to believe they can't trust themselves.

One function of ADHD-typical dysregulation is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, which nobody understands even a little. People who have it can't even adequately describe it to people who want to study it. It is intense, painful, and apparently impossible to control. Prevention is based in maladaptive behaviors designed to avoid it entirely (perfectionism, people pleasing, generalized withdrawal). The only currently known treatment is alpha agonist medication.

Lastly, by the age of twelve, a child with ADHD has likely received twenty thousand more "negative or corrective" messages than their neurotypical peers. (This isn't relevant to the rest, I just found it sufficiently horrifying to warrant inclusion. Fortunately for me, if I got 20,000 negative or corrective messages, I wasn't paying attention for most of them.)

Anyway, here's the transcript of the first half. I did this by copying and cleaning up the auto-transcript on YouTube, but I stopped at Question Time, so this is only the first half (the presentation). Transcription of the second half is available at YouTube.

There is suddenly a very large interest in the whole subject of emotional dysregulation and ADHD. That has been driven oddly enough by the Food and Drug Administration, which has just opened up several pathways that drug companies can study emotional dysregulation and whether or not their medications can get an FDA indication for emotional dysregulation. So it's sort of follow the money. Up until then, there was not a great deal of interest for ADHD emotional dysregulation.

We have to understand that the ADHD diagnostic criteria were not made for people like you and me, either practitioners or people who have ADHD or their families. They were designed for and made by people who do research and pretty much that's it. People who do research have to have criteria that they can physically see and count. "Little Johnny was up and out of his chair three times in the last hour," and you can write a three on your clipboard. Things which are invisible, not always there, hard to count, or even hidden by the patient, don't lend themselves to research very easily and so tend to be ignored. And so consequently this is one of the main reasons why emotional dysregulation -- until there was some other motive provided -- was pretty much ignored and disregarded.

Consequently ADHD right now, if you look at the 18 diagnostic criteria, are almost entirely behavioral criteria. What is the person doing? Not how is the person thinking, what is the patient feeling, how are they controlling their emotions, how are they sleeping. Things that are all very, very important to the person who has ADHD but which is essentially ignored by the diagnostic criteria.

Why should you care? Who really cares about this? Well, the definition of what ADHD is and isn't defines who and what will be studied. It defines who will actually get into a study and what questions will be asked. It defines who will be diagnosed with ADHD and who will not. One of the most common problems I get is with a secondary referral to me -- somebody clearly has ADHD but they're not pinging off the walls, they can sit and do their work, especially when they get into a hyperfocus, and so they're told they couldn't possibly have ADHD. When really they just have the inattentive subtype and they're not being driven by their behavior, their overt behavior. Therefore it defines who will get treatment, who will get insurance coverage for that treatment, and who will get accommodations in school when they're young and at the workplace when they're older.

Consequently we should also care because the other major components of ADHD get ignored. These are the ones that if you really stand back and look at it cause the greatest amount of impairment, the greatest amount of embarrassment, the greatest amount of just…problems in general. We're talking about cognition and thinking, that people with ADHD fundamentally think in a different way than do neurotypical people. They are able to engage with the tasks of their lives in a totally different way. Their ability to control their emotions and their behavior, control their emotional responses, tremendously affects their self-esteem and their self-definition. Who am I? What am I worth? What am I valued? Why am I valued in a certain way? What do other people think of me?

It affects tremendously the nature and healthiness of relationships. How you respond emotionally to the people in your realm makes a great deal of difference about the healthiness and gratification you get from your relationships. Being highly dysregulated in terms of your energy and emotions also affects deeply how well you sleep, how easy it is to fall asleep and awake refreshed, and of course it affects emotional dysregulation.

And this is probably, when you look at it in the long term and especially with adults, probably the most impairing part of the ADHD syndrome. The vast majority of people with ADHD have found ways around their academic and work performance, but they haven't found their way around their emotional reactions to the people and events of their lives.

At all points in the life cycle -- child, adolescent, adult, and elderly -- people who have ADHD nervous systems lead intense, passionate lives. Their highs are higher, their lows are lower, all of their emotions are much more intense. And that really is what we're talking about: not really the quality of the emotions -- people who have ADHD have the same types of emotions for the same reasons that everybody else does. What we're talking here, in terms of dysregulation, is two things: one, the expression of emotions, being able to choose whether or not you let an emotion out. And then, when you do decide to express it, how intensely that emotion is experienced and expressed by you as a unique individual.

Consequently just about everybody with ADHD, but especially little children, are always at some sort of risk of being overwhelmed by their own emotions from within themselves. This is something that needs to be really emphasized: a lot of people with ADHD grow up not being able to trust themselves.

So why is this happening, especially to people with ADHD? I think that just about everybody now would agree that ADHD is primarily a problem of insufficient inhibition, being able to slow down and keep things from happening. If you look at the mass of the human brain, 85% of all the nerves in your brain and out in your nervous system are inhibitory in function. We happen to be aware of the other 15% because we can see what happens when those nerves are used: they create movement, they create emotions, they create our experience and memory. We have to remember they are a minority of the actual mass of the human brain.

Most of what happens inside the brain occurs outside of awareness. What happens is the brain starts something, it gets it moving, and then uses inhibition to guide that toward the destination it wants. It's like shooting off a rocket -- shooting it off is the easy part, guiding it to where you want it to go is the hard part.

When you look at where stimulant class medications work, they work solely in the deep areas of the brain down in the basal ganglia, and especially in an area called the corpus striatum, which is just Latin for a "striped body". That's how it looks when you look at it -- it's got many very fine stripes in it. This area, the corpus striatum, is almost entirely inhibitory in function. What it does is that it inhibits neurological input and output to just the one piece of information or one action that happens to be most important at that time. Everything else gets handled, but it gets handled out of awareness.

Probably the easiest place to see this in action is when we're driving a car. Driving a car is the most difficult thing that the average human being ever has to learn how to do. It's a very difficult process, if anybody has ever had an adolescent learning to drive. But once we learn how to drive a car we do it largely outside of our own conscious awareness. We can drive along, talk to the person on the seat next to us, think about what we're going to have for dinner, sing along to the radio, and not really pay attention, conscious attention, to what's going on around us. But if suddenly something is out in front of the car, even before our conscious brain can process what that thing is, our corpus striatum has already handled it. Slam on the brakes, swerve to miss it, start to question that person's parentage, in the twinkling of an eye. The corpus striatum has been scanning everything, handling everything.

So basically what ADHD is, is that relative lack of inhibition that should be there. Inattention, which is a cardinal feature of ADHD, is the relative lack of the inhibition of other inputs or distractions. When we look at physiologically what's happening, we don't actually pay attention to one thing. Neurologically, we suppress every other thing we might engage with except the one thing that we want. It is maximally inefficient in that way.

Impulsivity is a relative lack of inhibition, of the expression of actions and emotions before you can think about them and make decisions about that expression. Hyperactivity is the relative lack of inhibition of physical and mental activity. When the physical activity of the hyperactive little boy who's pinging off a wall goes away in adolescence, they're still very much mentally active in their own brains.

So what? The “so what” for most of us is that when this area of the brain is not working as it should, people cannot regulate the experience and expression of their emotions. Emotions are experienced as completely unmodified and unscreened. The word that most people use is that they are raw. They come out without any modification at all, they go in without any modification at all. People can see this in hyperacusis, where somebody chewing or the conversation across the restaurant comes in loud and clear because it can't be screened out.

All this is tremendously overwhelming. We get overwhelmed by entirely too much input, and the impulse to have entirely too much output. It's exhausting, and when it does get inappropriately expressed it's embarrassing, so consequently people with ADHD must always be vigilant of themselves.

Now, when we look at the traditional therapies that have been used, or tried to be used, with ADHD, they have had very very poor track records. They're largely ineffective in helping people control the expression of what they think and feel. The reason for this is that people with ADHD don't see their own emotions, their own actions, coming. They find out about their emotions and actions the same way everybody else does: it's already out there before they even know that it's coming. Consequently they don't have the time and the warning to use the techniques and new skills that they may have learned in behavior modification therapy, or in cognitive therapy. They learned them, learned them perfectly well, but the cat’s out of the bag before they can make use of them.

Right now, as we sit here today, medications are the only thing we have to offer that have a proven track record, because they're there all the time. We have two basic groups: we have the stimulant class medications which are amphetamine, methylphenidate, et cetera, which help directly with inhibition. They help slow things down, they help inhibit both input that would distract us and output. It gives you the same two seconds that everybody else has, to see an emotion or an action coming up, to play it out in your mind. “If this happens then this will happen, then that'll happen. Oh, I don't want that to happen, I'll redirect it.”

The alpha agonist, of which we have two -- guanfacine and clonidine -- inhibit the energy driving the speed and intensity of response. Interesting enough, when we look at just clean effectiveness, when we measure how effective is this treatment, the alpha agonists are significantly more effective than are the stimulants. Usually that's kind of a false choice, because most people end up taking both classes of medication.

A very special type, I think, of emotional dysregulation is -- again a terrible technical term -- what's called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. We actually don't know what it is. It's much too early to tell. But it does seem to be a thing with which many people with ADHD identify. There was a brief article from ADDitude that got posted on Reddit, on their subreddit on ADHD; that particular posting got twice as many responses, in less than a month, than any other posting that had ever been put on that subreddit. It really touched a lot of people in a strong way.

In my own checklist, when I'm asking about Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, the question I have is: “For your entire life, in other words going all the way back into childhood, have you always been much more sensitive than other people you know to rejection, teasing, criticism, or your own perception that you’ve failed or fallen short?” This is directly from a psychiatric textbook, an old one, and it's the definition of a technical term, for psychiatrists called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria.

It's important to note, this is all a matter of degree. No one likes being rejected or criticized. Everybody hates it when we fail, we fall short, especially in front of other people. Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria is much more intense, and is much more than this universal discomfort.

When they were originally doing the research on this particular idea, 45 years ago, they wanted to get that intensity right up there in the name, and so they chose the word dysphoria -- which unfortunately happens to be Greek -- but it means “unbearable”. Because that was the description they were getting from people over and over and over again. Again, for reasons unknown, people with rejection sensitivity have trouble describing what the intense emotion is all about. They can describe its intensity -- “it's awful, it's terrible, it's catastrophic,” -- but not the quality of the mood. And so, over and over again, these research subjects would finally just tell the researcher, “Look, man, back off. I can't find words to tell you what this awful feeling feels like, but I want you to know I can hardly stand it.” And so that's where the word dysphoria came from. A researcher at Harvard who decided to put it into Greek, but that unbearable quality is very much a part of what's going on, a part of the experience of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria.

It's extremely common in people with ADHD; my guess is that about 95% of my patients report it as a significant impairment, and about a third of my patients say that it is by far the most impairing part of their ADHD. For the majority of people, and most occurrences, it is not that particularly disruptive, but when it hits, it turns your life upside down.

So how is rejection sensitivity experienced? There's no warning. It hits out of the blue; there's no way to protect yourself from it. It happens all at once, it goes from zero to a hundred percent instantaneously. It is commonly experienced as being physically painful, as if someone just punched you in the chest or punched you in the stomach -- there's an aching in the core of your being.

Once it gets started it seems to be largely uncontrollable until it's run its course, whatever it is. The quality of the mood is indescribable. Most people struggle to find any words at all to describe this feeling, even though it's massively intense. The duration can be a few minutes to several months. It's a very potent experience and can make it very difficult to risk ever being rejected or criticized again.

If this very intense emotional reaction is internalized, it looks for all the world like an instantaneous major depression, complete with suicidal thinking. And so a lot of times people do get a diagnosis of major depression, because the clinician they're working with fails to pick up the triggered, instantaneous nature of the onset of that depressive-looking syndrome. If it's externalized, it presents as a rage that is directed at the person or situation that wounded them so terribly. In fact, being “wounded” is is a very common description. This sort of sudden trigger change, with an intense emotional response, not uncommonly leads to a misdiagnosis of borderline character organization.

So if you can't see it coming, and you can't do anything once it's happened, how do people try and protect themselves from episodes of rejection sensitivity happening in the first place? Some people use perfectionism; they try to be above reproach. They feel driven to be the very best at everything they do. These are the penultimate overachievers. It works, but it's also an absolutely terrible, driven way in which to live.

By far the most common response is that people become people pleasers. They are constantly scanning everybody around them and trying to figure out what that person wants or would approve of, and that's what they give them, so much so that it is the to the exclusion of what they want for their own lives. These are people who take care of others, please others, to the exclusion of any sort of gratification in their own lives.

Another very common way that people try to deal with this is that they give up trying anything new, giving up anything in which they might fail or be embarrassed. I have hundreds of patients who have never been able to apply for a job or ask someone of the opposite sex out for a date. Just the imagination of being told no is so frightening, so devastating, that they just say, “No, I'm not going there. I'll sit this one out.”

One of the most effective ways of dealing with this are the alpha agonist medications, and when they work they can be almost completely effective. Alpha agonist again is a tongue twisting name, but it's not as tongue-twisting as the full name, which is alpha-2 selective adrenergic agonists. So you can see why we shorten it a bit. They were originally blood pressure medications that came on the market in the early 1980s. They worked very poorly -- when they did work, at most they lowered blood pressure about 10%, which was measurable but it still required other things that needed to be done in order to get most people's blood pressure down into a therapeutic range.

We have two of them, guanfacine which was marketed both as immediate release and extended release under the name of Intuniv, and clonidine, which was marketed under the trade name of Kapvay, both as an immediate release product and as a delayed release product. They have been used as a treatment of the hyperactive component of ADHD for more than 30 years, so these are not new medications for the field of ADHD. They're very much the treatment of choice for the “hyperactive, disruptive, and obnoxious little boy” that is what most people have in their minds when they consider the notion of “What does a person with ADHD look like?”

The exact mechanism of action of these medications both in ADHD and especially in rejection sensitivity is highly unclear. We really don't know -- we have a couple of ideas but they are very definitely theoretical. The only thing that we know for sure is that the stimulants don't work by stimulating anything, and that the alpha agonists don't work by being alpha agonists. How they do work is completely unknown.

We have two medications, they seem to work equally well, so there's nothing that would lead you to choose one over the other. The problem is that the robust response that we're looking for that really changes people's lives, is disappointingly low -- at about 30% to either molecule. Luckily that 30% is a different 30% of people, so that 30% of people get a good response to guanfacine but it's largely a different 30% that get a response to clonidine. So if the first medication tried does not work, it makes good clinical sense that that one should be stopped and the other one tried. There was an unfortunately worded sentence in an article I wrote for ADDitude several years ago that gave the impression that you could use the two medications together; they should not be used together. You try one, if that doesn't work you try the other.

The typical dose of either one is in the range of three milligrams of guanfacine per day or about three tenths of a milligram of clonidine per day. If you take all the people who get a good robust response to either one of these medications, about 80% are going to end up at these doses, so it's by far the most common dose.

There are of course side effects. Anything that's going to adjust the adrenaline system of the body is going to have the potential for sedation as a side effect, and this does occur for about 25% of people. It's usually mild and it does go away -- over a period of several months. So a person has to be fairly patient with that. It can cause dry mouth, and it's by a different mechanism then the stimulants can cause dry mouth, so the two of them together can really make your mouth cottony dry. And the third one is an accentuation of a universal experience we've all had, when we stand up quickly and suddenly and we get dizzy, get kind of a head rush, vision goes a bit gray. The technical term for it is orthostasis. And this can happen more frequently when you take the alpha agonist medications.

The benefits of the alpha agonist medications take a while to develop. When you change the dose it takes five days for the benefits to develop, so once again they're not like the stimulants where what you see is what you get at one hour. It takes a while for these medications to work and to see all that they can do.

Now just as a side note, Strattera has been looked at in two studies for emotional dysregulation and the results have been what they call mixed. If they did work it was only to a very minimal degree, almost undetectable, so Strattera does not seem to be a medication one could use and expect to have it help with emotional dysregulation.

So in summary, emotional dysregulation is a basic feature of ADHD, is almost universal in ADHD, and it should be considered as a core symptom of ADHD that ought to be evaluated in every initial evaluation. Rejection sensitivity…it's unclear yet -- this is an old concept that has only been brought up in the last couple of years. Its exact nature is still unclear. It does seem to be a specific form of emotional dysregulation, especially in regard that it does respond very well to medication. But again, how it fits into emotional dysregulation is completely unclear at this point. It does seem to be something that's really important, though. It is a thing that resonates with a large number of people with ADHD.

#adhd #sam has adhd #rejection sensitive dysphoria #RSD #emotional dysregulation #Youtube

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yumeka-sxf · 13 days

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I try to stay away from negative topics, but after hearing talk on social media yesterday and seeing this post from @such-a-downer, I just had to give my two cents about the complaints regarding yesterday's chapter being "another short mission" and that Endo is somehow being "lazy" or whatever.

I honestly don't understand this mentality of criticizing manga-ka, or any artists really, because they aren't delivering by whatever standards you personally think are appropriate. To me, it just seems like entitlement because Endo has no obligation to cater to any specific fan's wants. This is his story to tell the way he wants, and his characters to develop at the pace he deems fit. This isn't a business contract where we're paying him to deliver content we want every two weeks without fail. If I'm consuming the fruits of someone's creative labor for free, I certainly feel no right to complain if sometimes their content isn't what I wanted or expected. I'm fine with that because 1) I know it's what they (the creator) wanted/needed at the time, and 2) even if a particular chapter wasn't my cup of tea, I know other fellow fans out there somewhere are enjoying the heck out of it, and that's cool!

We also have to remember that SxF is basically a one-man show. If Endo is busy or sick or whatever, it's not like he can have someone fill in for him to write and draw the series. That's what a hiatus is for, that's what making a short chapter instead of a longer one is for...that's how artists should be treated so they don't get burned out and stressed. Plus, art shouldn't be rushed. Any artist knows that there are times when you have trouble coming up with ideas and maybe need a little extra time to develop a more complex section of the story. To immediately jump to conclusions that he's lazy or doesn't know what he's doing is ridiculous. Maybe he didn't feel good for a few days, maybe he's been busy with other SxF events, maybe he just needed more time to get a particular future arc developed, or maybe he just has basic IRL obligations to take care of like we all do...you don't know what's going on in his life, so don't make assumptions.

Another thing to keep in mind is that it's literally impossible to please every fan. One of the comments I read for example, someone was ready to drop the series because we haven't seen much of Yor in "a while." All I could think of was "didn't she just have a pretty big role only four chapters ago when they went to the ski resort?" Plus she was the star of chapter 91, which was less than ten chapters ago. So according to this person's standards, four chapters without seeing a particular character is "too long"? What if it was only three chapters, would that be acceptable? It's not right to push our own personal standards of a series' pacing as the "correct" way: some people want to see more of character X while someone else wants to see more of subplot Y, so should both complain that the manga-ka isn't doing right whenever they focus on something else? I'm not saying you shouldn't make criticisms of a manga-ka's work, but the criticisms should come from within the narrative itself, not superficial things like chapters focusing on subplots/characters you don't want to see or not having enough "plot-advancing" content when it's not a plot-focused series.

People who have read SxF up to this point should know the general flow of the chapters: mostly slice-of-life episodic, with more plot-heavy, intense arcs once in a while, like the cruise arc and bus arc. It's an ensemble series that spends most of its chapters focused on at least one of the Forgers, but occasionally other characters here and there. That's how the series has been for years and will likely continue to be. So if you keep complaining because you only like the dramatic story arcs and not the "nothing happens" episodic chapters, then maybe the series just isn't for you. It's totally fine if that's the case, but don't act like Endo is doing something wrong because he's not providing the particular thing you want in his story.

To summarize, Endo has no obligation to cater to particular fans' standards, just as we have no obligation to keep reading his work if we don't like it. But being a fan to me means respecting the creator's pace and vision even if it's not always what I personally want. I can find something to enjoy in every chapter because I'm a fan of SxF, not a fan of one particular aspect of it. But I also will not complain every time my tastes aren't being catered to and will simply occupy myself with other things while I wait. What's the big hurry, after all? I'm in no rush for SxF to wrap up its plot and I'm glad Endo isn't rushing either.

And that's all I'm gonna say about this topic, lol. On a happier note, I'm going to finally see Code White on Thursday! 😁 More to come later~

#spy x family #sxf #spy family #spyxfamily #sxf manga #sxf manga spoilers #sxf spoilers

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pinkgy · 2 months

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okay, ignore the previous ask, i can't be more blind and stupid (💀).

so, if it isn't a bother, may you write some headcanons about the kings (satan, mammon, beelzebub and leviathan) with a reader who's slightly chubby and dislikes their (reader's) body.

thanks in advance, dear.

–☕ (wishing to end myself after this one.)

Hi ! Thank you so much for your request and congratulations for being the first request that is not about sex lol I needed a break.

Here it is! I loved writing this request and I hope you like it ♡

It's a bit OOC in some parts (Leviathan), but in my defense, it's not easy to write fluff about them.

Also, I'm sorry if I didn't focus much on the body type part, I'm not a great fan of specifying the reader's body type, race, and sometimes even height, but it's okay! I tried my best.

Also, this is my contribution to the soft and sweet Mammon HC.

𝗪𝗛𝗕

𝗞𝗜𝗡𝗚𝗦

"𝗟𝗢𝗩𝗘 𝗬𝗢𝗨𝗦𝗘𝗟𝗙 𝗟𝗜𝗞𝗘 𝗜 𝗟𝗢𝗩𝗘 𝗬𝗢𝗨"

♡

𝗦𝗔𝗧𝗔𝗡

✮ He’s in denial, Satan has you on a pedestal and he genuinely cannot believe that you think this way about yourself, simply because it’s a completely different opinion than the one he has of you.

✮ If you dare to mention any discomfort with your appearance in front of him, he will laugh in your face telling you to stop joking about such things, and when you look at him completely serious he might realize that he was wrong.

✮ Satan genuinely doesn't have any specific body preference, in his eyes you’re perfect, all he cares about is that you’re healthy both physically and mentally.

✮ Once he fully realizes, you won't EVER hear him joking about it, and if someone else dared to they’re dead within seconds. The same goes for you "jokingly" mistreating yourself, that's the biggest offense for him and the lecture your life awaits you.

✮ This situation would become a priority for satan, he's capable of leaving aside all his work just to do the impossible to make you feel better about yourself.

✮ He gets very frustrated every time you talk negatively about yourself, and he feels sad every time he notices that you feel insecure about your body, Satan somehow puts himself in your shoes, and that makes him take everything too seriously.

“Stop looking at yourself like that, I know what you're thinking and I don't like it” He hugs you from behind "Let's talk, you're too pretty to be thinking those things"

𝗕𝗘𝗘𝗟𝗭𝗘𝗕𝗨𝗕

✮ He might believe that you’re joking if you tell him, and he also might jokingly tell you something like “Yeah, I don’t like your body either” Clearly no offense intended, he would genuinely think that you’re not being serious.

✮ Beelzebub won’t realize that his “Harmless comment” made you feel bad unless someone else tells him that he screwed up, probably many days later he will approach you and actually apologize.

✮ Don’t expect any elaborate apologies from him, he will tell you what is necessary. But after he has taken a long time trying to remember everything you said to him that day, he will subtly start looking for ways to make you feel better about yourself.

✮ Believe me, Beelzebub is going to make sure you hear every chance he gets about how perfect you are, and in case he forgets to tell you, Bael is under strict orders to remind him.

✮ He’s really supportive but he sucks at showing it, his main goal is to distract you from your insecurity by at the same time trying to not distract himself, and somehow, it works.

"And who said that being yourself is not okay? As long as that beautiful body of yours is well-fed and healthy, you are the hottest person out there"

𝗠𝗔𝗠𝗠𝗢𝗡

✮ He would get offended, but like, really offended, the moment he notices or when you tell him about it he acts like those Latina grandmas when their grandchild tells them they're gay,

literally him.

✮ He's never seen anyone more ethereal than you, how do you even dare to dislike yourself?

✮ He genuinely doesn’t care about your body type, your weight, etc, as long as you’re healthy he’s going to love every part of you.

✮ He’s an amazing listener, Mammon will encourage you to vent to him while he slowly caresses your hair, and every time you say something he’s not okay with, he kisses your forehead.

✮ He wouldn't think you're joking, the opposite, Mammon would take this really seriously, but like, too seriously, to the point where you’re not getting out of Tartaros without loving your body as much as he loves it, and believe me, that’s a lot.

“How can you hate such a beautiful body like yours? Every inch of you is perfect and just looking at you feels like a privilege, so don't overthink too much please”

𝗟𝗘𝗩𝗜𝗔𝗧𝗛𝗔𝗡

✮ Leviathan will genuinely get mad at you, if he finds out, he will ignore you, and if you tell him, he will leave and ignore you too, but it’s temporary, he will get over it in a few days.

✮ He kind of sucks at comforting people, but he can and will try his best with you, just don’t expect much from him, and know that he’s genuine about it.

✮ He will make an annoyed face every time you comment something negative about yourself, and trust me, you will notice.

✮ Leviathan has a very good memory, and he’ll make a mental note of every part of your body that you mention that you don’t like, and every chance he gets he will make sure to kiss or caress that part. He won’t be very obvious, but somehow, he will find a way to discreetly improve your opinion of yourself.

✮ He would hang anyone who dared to make jokes about your body, and would also hang anyone who complimented you, only he has the right to do that.

✮ And on those days when you feel particularly bad about your body, Leviathan will be sure to find a way to distract you with something else, he’s very observant so he wouldn’t need to listen to you to know how you feel, he’ll just suddenly leave his work for a few hours and take you to one of your favorite places, even if he hates the place, he hates more that you have a bad opinion of yourself.

“Get those thoughts out of your head, people should be jealous of how you look, okay? Don't be ridiculous”

#prettybusy what in “hell” is bad?#what in “hell” is bad?#whb #whb satan #whb beelzebub #what in hell is bad x reader #whb mammon #whb leviathan #whb leviathan x reader #whb satan x reader #whb mammon x reader #whb beelzebub x reader

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intrinsicepiphany · 2 months

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Okay so I recently watched Hazbin Hotel. And I really like Chaggie so looking at some of the comments about the relationship online I noticed that a lot of people's negative opinions about the couple kind of revolve around Vaggie's seemingly one-sided utter Devotion to Charlie and her being so differential to Charlie but I actually think this may be a storytelling device.

(lets not talk about people saying they dont have chemistry - they 100% act just like an old married lesbian couple)

hear me out because if I am right I may have cracked the code to redemption.

from what I can tell of the Sinners they actually over exemplify or are consumed almost by their sins .

Alastor is probably Pride or Wrath, Angel Dust is Lust and Envy (he shows some self hate/self distructive behaviors as well), Husk is greed, Niffty is violence/wrath.

So what is Vaggies sin?

we know that she was originally not a sinner so she didn't have a human sin to be incorporated into her character which is why she looks the most human.

Her fall from Heaven, (if you want to call it that because, let's be honest none of the other angels knew or casted her out) was either caused by

1) her Devotion to her own morals and eventually disagreeing to what the angels were doing,

2) devotion to the exterminators leading to a loss of self, which she realized only when she defied Lute.

Or 3) the self hatred she developed after realizing how horrible Adam and the exterminators are.

so now that she's Fallen she's kind of taken on being a sinner and since her sin was devotion/self hatred she has transferred her devotion onto the one person she sees as being worth it, the most morally correct person she knows, the person who saved her life Charlie.

This may actually not be a bad thing. I think Charlie's devotion back and general good nature allows for this to avoid toxicity. She encourages Vaggie to be her own person, to forgive herself and to love herself. They are actually quite balanced in my opinion. I also think Vaggie getting her wings back shows that she is close to or maybe already redeemed.

( and lets all agree for all that Charlie is Hellborn she is the most selfless and good person we've met on the show - makes me wonder if a hellborn dies with a good soul would they have always gone to heaven? Was this perhaps one of the reasons the hellborn were exempt from the extermination? Look I have theories about Charlie actually being more Angel than Demon. )

Now Onto my redemption theory!

What if the way to redemption isn't so much being Pure but breaking out of the behaviors that are toxic?

I think Sir Pentious was redeemed because he stopped being selfish. He stopped being a coward and envious. His last act was one of selfless sacrifice in the end he overcame his own fears and limits for someone else. The reasons it's never been done before is because Hell by it's very nature puts them in a place where this is basically impossible. To survive you have to be selfish or cowardly or more violent than everyone else.

This also mean there is a the possibility that if an angel is bad like Adam and dies they could reincarnate in hell as a sinner.

#hazbin hotel #charlie morningstar #vaggie #chaggie #hazbin hotel spoilers #sir pentious #hazbin hotel redemption theory #hazbin hotel theory

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wholelottawidows · 1 year

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natasha's music taste <3

guys this is just my opinion so please don't attack me or leave negative comments 😭

A MAJOR TAYLOR SWIFT FAN

always saying that reputation is her favorite album but it's actually lover she just doesn't want to admit it, she says it's too romantic for her (reputation comes at close second)

i feel like she would give everything a listen except for country 💀

that's a line she's won't cross

sometimes when she doesn't know what to listen to she will turn on the radio and listen to the trending songs they are playing

for example cheap thrills by sia

yk which scene i'm talking about ;)

LOVES CIGARETTES AFTER SEX

let's face it who doesn't

knows every song lyric by heartbeat

for some odd reason i think she would really like the song babydoll by ari abdul

BIG BIG BIG LANA DEL REY FAN

her favorite album is definitely born to die

everytime she listens to diet mountain dew she knows every single lyric and screams it on the top of her lungs

i think she would really love the doors, pink floyd, led zeppelin, metallica, fleetwood mac, guns n' roses, the cranberries and other old rock bands

but the doors are her favorite :>

really really loves nirvana

probably had a huge crush on kurt cobain when she was a kid 🤭

ALSO A HUGE HUGE HUGE CRUSH ON DOLORES O'RIORDAN

girl didn't know if she wanted to be her or be with her frr

her whole room was filled with her posters

ode to my family on repeat 24/7

actually really likes rap music

she's isn't really into trap but the 90s & the early 2000s stuff is pure perfection for her

dr dre, mobb deep, 2pac, nas, 50 cent, ice cube, the wu-tang clan, mf doom, coolio, snoop dogg, outkast, jay z & eminem

she especially loves the song keep their heads ringin' by dre dre because it was one of yelena's favorite songs growing up <3

from the newer stuff definitely loves kendrick lamar, tyler the creator, denzel curry, little simz but joey bada$$ definitely holds such a big place in her heart 🫶

LOVES AMY WINEHOUSE & LESLEY GORE SO MUCH IT'S IMPOSSIBLE

sza has been in her rotation lately because of her new album but ctrl will always be her favorite one

she was acting like a child on christmas morning when rihanna finally preformed again at super bowl

I DON'T CARE SHE IS DEFINITELY A LITTLE MONSTER AND HAS BEEN ONE SINCE AS LONG AS SHE CAN REMEMBER

definitely listens to lady gaga everyday

recently got into slipknot & tv girl

#marvel #black widow #natasha romanoff #natalia romanova #black widow x reader #natasha romanoff x reader #natalia romanova x reader #music & my favorite girl 🤞

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vineofroses · 5 months

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tagged by @callivich which im thankful for because im always ready to talk gallavich

What’s a fic you’ve read multiple times? Teenagers Scare the Living Shit Out of Me by Mellow_Yellow. I love this fic -- it's a great mystery, ian and mickey's relationship is very sweet but realistic. and i looooove mickey's uncle ronnie. also SPOILER but i do blame this fic for ruining tony for me lol. every time i see Tony on the show now im always side eyeing him haha.

What’s an idea you’d love to create if you had the time/inspiration? Probably a post-canon fic about Ian finding his way back to doing what he loves. I love EMT!Ian an dit makes me so sad that he didnt get to end the show that way. i'd want the fic to properly explore the barriers he runs into in becoming an EMT again as an ex-con. and i'd want it to explore ian and mickey's dynamic when it comes to ian's bipolar disorder now. seasons 4 and 5 are so good but they were obviously so tumultuous for both of them but i feel like seasons 10 and 11 they don't really ever talk about those seasons and how they've grown in that specific area. i think that would tie nicely into ian working to become an EMT again.

What’s something you’ve discovered since entering this fandom? A new trope you love? A different analysis of the show? Something else? I don't want to be super negative here but I will say when i first started dipping my toes into the shameless fandom i noticed a lot of hate for ian -- in fics and youtube comments, mostly. it confused me a lot because gallavich is such a popular ship that it made no sense to me how people could hate 1/2 of that ship. so any time i saw that level of hate directed toward ian, my love for ian kept growing until i have now become a staunch defender lol. but i have also come to realize that i think a lot of that came from people's intense love for Mickey and for Noel. and i know people held a lot of anger while the show was airing when Noel left the show. i can see how watching ian in seasons 6-8 move on without mickey would be frustrating. i really don't agree with any of that, but knowing where a lot of it comes from makes it easier to understand. (also noting that people could just be ableist dickheads, too, and to those people i say fuck you.) sorry if this question was supposed to be a positive one but that's my answer.

What’s an underrated trope or concept you’d like to see more of? maybe fics where we see mickey doing his research on bipolar disorder. he walks into the gallagher kitchen with so many bottles and vitamins and is spouting off drug facts like he's being tested on his knowledge. like, i just want to see him doing research for his boyfriend!

What’s your favourite season? And has this changed after multiple rewatches of the show? Arrghhh this is almost impossible to answer. I think overall that seasons 4 and 5 have the strongest writing. I would probably place season 4 slightly ahead of 5 purely for the rushed and chaotic ending of 5. Season 4 just hits so hard. But in terms of specifically Ian's story, i love season 6 and parts of season 7.

What’s a plot hole you wish had been answered or resolved? It's not exactly a plot hole but I kinda wish they brought Clayton back in some way, especially in the later seasons. (ok also this isn't gallavich related but wtf was that moment in season 6 when tony returned just to tell ian he was gay??? we never him again after that?? lol)

What scene or moment do you feel isn’t discussed enough? the scene in the military prison where ian's listening to his entire family talk about his mental state like he isn't sitting right there. my god that scene breaks me. ian's silence speaks so loudly. it makes so much sense why he runs away with monica shortly after. i kinda also wish someone explained to the gallaghers how hurtful it is for them to keep comparing ian to monica, that just because they're both bipolar it does not mean he's gonna do the same shit as her. i so wish there was way more understanding on their part, and to stop throwing that in his face.

What do you think is next for Ian and Mickey post-finale? I want them to continue settling into their life and finding out their comforts. maybe finding somewhere else to live. i looove ian but i wasn't fan of the way he signed for that apartment without speaking to mickey so i'd like to think they find somewhere they can both truly call home. and that ian can find his way back to healing and helping people.

#shameless #gallavich #ian gallagher #mickey milkovich

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mrs-monaghan · 8 months

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https://www.tiktok.com/@yoonglesbaguettes/video/7052023891509660975

Shaz, what do you think about this?

Some time ago, someone asked in a blog that I don't remember about this video that the anon saw in a tweet, but the twitter account deleted the post, so people in comments couldn't discuss anymore (I saw you in there, I don't think you'll remember, i do because saved it to show you). If it helps, the clip is from the Suga episode of the Artist Made Collection or something like this.

The eyebrow thing… ‘O-O’

(probably the text sounds weird, i’m sorry, just anonymity made me unashamed about my negative writing skills, T-T but still embarrassing T-T, the reason i took so long)

Nah anon. No need to be embarrassed. You're good 😘😘

youtube

That was incredibly boring... never watching again. I'm sorry. The TT though... not boring at all 🤣😅😅

He looks great as always. The hair takes me back to ITS 1 and I can't help but think of this photo of him n his son that I absolutely love

But I digress. That TT I can see what OP is trying to point out.... If u watch JK's eyes, he looks at the camera then his eyes shift to the side. Each time that OP highlights. So he's clearly looking at someone off camera. 1000% Who that person is, is the question. Of course since we are Jikookers, we will conclude its Jimin.

A friend says; It could also be that they filmed several episodes on the same day, so Jimin might have been on set for that one which, isn't something impossible, let's be real.

I think Jikook absolutely show up to work when they don't have schedules just coz the other is there. So again... the theory that Jimin is off camera is completely plausible. Especially this part

He he he hee! 🤭🤭🤭

But anon, since there is no way to ever know this, we're just gonna add it to our collection of delulu theories ☺☺

#delulu time #jikook theory #jikook theories #ask shaz #bts ask #jikook #kookmin #minkook #jimin and jungkook #park jimin #jungkook #jimin #jeon jungkook

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princeescaluswords · 11 months

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Activism Isn't a Raincoat

I saw this wonderful piece by @communistkenobi that I think everyone should read. But what triggered this post is when he went and posted a response by what he described as an "incurious loser" (perfect phrase, gonna steal) to his writing, in which the commentator screamed that he was boring and "fandom isn't activism!"

This is an endemic problem. People think that activism, or simply the awareness that even your hobbies exist within a cultural context, is something you can put on or off when the mood takes you or when the situation grows impossible to ignore, like a raincoat for stormy days. Any other time, the raincoat hangs in the closet, unnecessary and barely remembered.

This is not a phenomenon contained to either side of the political spectrum. Both sides tend to treat racism or homophobia or sexism as an array of malignant forces existing in the shadows, like beasts waiting to pounce. The right can't conceive of their hallowed traditions producing anything negative, and the left refuse to acknowledge that group membership doesn't prevent similar behavior.

But, to me, what these really are a by-product of natural human behavior existing within a malformed system. Only conscientiousness on the personal and systematic level can make a difference. It doesn't mean you have to be constantly vigilant 24/7 or to the point where you can't enjoy anything that is the least bit suspect, but it does mean that you can't carve out reservations where you give yourself permission not to think about it.

This is the problem with OTW. They're trying to give themselves permission not to grapple with the impact of racism and other social maladies on AO3 and its content. "It's fanfiction; it's not real!" they cry, as if the antisemitism of the Protocols of the Elder of Zion was reality based. "Authors do this for free!" as if people get paid for racial harassment.

"Fandom isn't activism!" It is, however, a gateway. If you want a concrete example, look at my fandom, Teen Wolf, and its content on AO3. Compare the stories written post-Season 2 and the stories written now. It starts with shipping two white guys with a vaguely antagonistic canon relationship and deciding that this ship will dominate the plot of the actual show, thus casually erasing the Latino lead protagonist and it evolves over ten years to where vituperative hatred for the Latino lead protagonist has become a primary controlling aspect of the ship and the fandom.

This happened because any pushback on this behavior was considered rude and unnecessary, like wearing a raincoat on a sunny day and reminding people that storms exist. People like the respondent to communistkenobi's post will keep this process alive, even as other people joke that watching media today has degraded to simply finding the nearest two white people to ship. It's not really funny, it wasn't unpreventable, and it certainly didn't materialize as a fully formed malignant force.

#end racism at the otw #end otw racism #teen wolf fandom problems #fandom racism

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bipolarediaz · 1 year

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hello! I'd love to know more about specific moments that convinced you that eddie is bipolar

so if you don't mind me asking, what are three moments that really stand out to you?

hi hello I love this so much, I've been thinking about this all morning, thank you!!

a lot of it isn't specific moments but more the combination of things that build up over time, but if I had to pick three specific things (not necessarily in order)...

eddie begins--a lot of the flashbacks we see definitely give me hints of it. specifically, we have a very clearly depressed eddie after he comes back to el paso, with him struggling to connect with his loved ones, withdrawing into himself even more than usual. he doesn't smile much in the flashbacks, at least not other than when chris is born. but then, we come to the present during that episode, and we see eddie making impulsive decisions (insisting that he go down in the first place, then cutting his line, naming buck as guardian the next day without thinking about it or talking to buck first, etc) it's not as bad as the impulsive decisions from earlier in s3, but I do think that he was at the tail end of his manic episode at that point in the season, and was still making impulsive decisions because of it. the contrast between depressed past eddie and somewhat manic/hypomanic present-day eddie is a good example of both sides.

also from s3, we have not just the fact that eddie joined a cage fighting ring, but also specifically the way that it ends. he is, once again, not thinking through his actions in the slightest. he has all this pent up energy and all these feelings he doesn't know how to manage, and he literally doesn't know how to stop himself. he's like an impending train crash. in the dsm, this particular symptom is described specifically as "Excessive involvement in activities that have a high potential for painful consequences." and that's exactly what's happening. it's excessive, it's something he can't control, and it's causing him actual serious pain and negatively impacting his life. but even though it's negatively impacting it, he doesn't stop. you see this kind of thing a lot in bipolar in excessive spending or gambling, hypersexuality, etc, but it's no different in this situation. he goes completely over the top with it, completely uncaring about the impending consequences. it also leans a bit into grandiosity, with him thinking, at least a little bit, that he is untouchable during this time. and everyone in his life notices it, even if he brushes them off when they try to bring it up. he's noticeably different from normal, in so many ways, that it's impossible to ignore.

and, of course, I've talked before about just how much 5x11 and 5x13 in particular give me those vibes. he's displaying almost every sign of a major depressive episode with mixed features throughout those tow episodes. he's irritable, he's restless, he makes impulsive decisions without thinking about the consequences, all things that we see during his fight with bobby in particular and during the opening montage. but he's also depressed--he's fatigued, he's feeling completely hopeless and worthless, he isn't finding joy in his life anymore, he's isolating himself just like he did back after his tours, and we see hints of suicidal thoughts as well. we've seen all these symptoms from him before, between flashbacks and s3 (and 5a honestly), it's just that now he's got symptoms of both sides of it at the same time, and that's why it hits him so hard when he breaks down. his depression in particular is just so noticeable during 5b, with everyone in his life commenting on it, and there's just no way of denying that he was severely depressed.

bonus reason because I'm never going to be over how much of a missed opportunity it was: in fear-o-phobia, we have that woman through the whole episode who is set up as a clear parallel to eddie, to the point that he intentionally listens in on the call and notices it himself. and the way they do it... is by basically going through every single symptom of bipolar disorder like it's a goddamn checklist, with her sister even saying how much she's "changed" with her acting the way that she was. and then they just... didn't do it. I'm still annoyed by it and I will be forever, thank you.

even with this I feel like I went beyond just "specific moments" lmao, but honestly that's just how it is--if it's just one or two specific moments, that doesn't really indicate anything when it comes to bipolar disorder. it's about persistent mood changes that are noticeably different from your normal, and about sustained changes. it's the long-term arc and the ups and downs eddie's gone through since s2, and the way that things piled up and changed over time, the clear differences we see in how he acts at various points in his life that indicate there's a lot more going on than just normal level mood fluctuations that everyone experiences.

#911 #eddie diaz #bipolar eddie loml #and yes I absolutely DO think that eddie naming buck as guardian (while it is something he didn't regret in the slightest)#was still connected to him being somewhat manic at the time #not in the fact that he wanted buck as guardian but in the WAY that he chose to do it #and I think that also plays into him taking so long to tell buck about it #he's a little embarrassed by how he did it #we see SO MUCH from both sides honestly #I would give literally anything to hear them say the word bipolar in reference to eddie #suicidal thoughts tw

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therainbowgorilla · 1 year

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This is not a question. This is an explanation tied to a question, like an elephant tied to a latex balloon: do queer people know that the reason queer discourse exists in the state that it does is almost definitely because a lot of queer people are also retarded? I hope that's as blindingly obvious to other people as it is to me, because *aS aN aUtIsTic PeRsOn*, every time a great big angry ball of queer discourse comes rolling, flaming and screaming past my blog, I think to myself that if I was autistic AND queer, I'd most likely also be dead by my own hand, or wheelchair bound due to a stroke. The attitude expressed by the original poster of the post whose comment section you found me in: that language about or surrounding queerness should be essentially meaningless so as to keep those it relates to from having to conform to any sort of expectation that they may have previously established for themselves, makes it completely impossible for an autistic person to engage with those people at all. In fact, I would go so far as to say that in effect they make themselves more like computers to us than people: malignant and unknowable machines where all input is meaningless and all output is random and usually negative. It's so obvious that that's where the "language has meaning" and "there need to be rules" objections come from, and it's honestly kind of heartbreaking to feel like I, an outsider, am the only person who even notices or cares. I mean honestly, how dare you tell autistic people that there are no rules? What the fuck are you thinking? It took me my entire childhood to just about figure other people out, well into my adolescence. Over fifteen years to stop deliberately antagonizing people just to get a reaction that made contextual sense. I'm almost thirty now, and I'm not going back to that feeling of hopelessness. Not for anyone, no matter how sad their story is. And that's where "You don't get to know how to treat us with respect" came from.

What the fuck are you even on about? You think I'm gonna take the argument of someone who uses the R slur in 2023 seriously? What do you think this is, 5th grade?

I don't give a shit if you're autistic or not. Me too, the fuck? If you would have bothered to glance at my blog description, you'd know that.

Just like any other slur, you can use the R slur for yourself but not against others. (This isn't some roundabout way of calling you the R slur. I'm just saying it's how reclaiming works. You don't get to call other people the R slur just cause you're autistic.)

And oh my god your overdramatic shit about how you'd fucking kill yourself or wind up disabled if you were autistic and queer? How fuckin old did you say you were? Holy shit, you're almost thirty and you're acting like this? Get a grip. Grow up.

I'm autistic, disabled, and queer. The absolute audacity you have to come into my inbox with this shit is just blowing my mind.

And oh my god, the cognitive dissonance here is so legitimately hilarious to me. You're calling people like me overly sensitive when you're the one throwing a hissy fit in some rando's inbox on tumblr dot com lmao. And the claim that you've matured and stopped diliberately antagonizing people is just 😘👌 such funny irony. Like, did you even read your ask before you sent it?

You've self admitted that you're an outsider to the queer experience, so what the fuck makes you think you get a say in how we describe and label ourselves? Newsflash: non-queer people don't get to dictate what queer people call themselves. Shocking, I know (/s).

Look, dude/gal (I'm gonna assume you're not enby since you've said you're not queer), I'm genuinely sorry you've had trouble figuring people out as you grew up. Trust me, I totally get it. You think you're the only autistic person who had trouble figuring people out growing up?

Hell, I STILL ain't figured it out yet. How do allistics remember faces? How do they not get special interests? How do they know "common sense" intrinsically whilst I often don't seem to? How can I tell romantic love from queerplatonic love or from sexual love? Why do allistics always assume we know things despite them never telling us them? How does an NT person focus without hyperfocusing? How can you tell if someone is flirting with you? How does the person in front of me feel? Is the person I'm infodumping to actually interested or am I boring them? Why do people think my tone/face is an angry one when I'm just expressing confusion and asking curious questions? What's my gender? What is gender? Why do people in power want to hurt other people? Why are they so greedy for money they'll never spend? Why can't cashiers sit down?

And how the FUCK does someone make friends, especially as an adult not attending college/uni!?

FUCK IF I FUCKIN KNOW! It sucks! It sucks ass! I know that! Seriously, trust me, I'd love to understand the way allistics and NTs think. The world would be SO much easier for the both of us. And we struggle so much to understand NTs, whilst they rarely try to understand us in return! I know you struggled and that legitimately sucks, and I wish the world was more kind and patient and accomodating with you and I both.

But, like, you think you struggled? Try growing up disabled, nonbinary, aromantic asexual (with queerplatonic attraction), autistic, mentally ill in several ways, physically disabled, poor, and in an abusive home. Holy fuck, I was constantly confused about other people every day of my damn life!

I'm not saying this to invalidate your struggles and experiences. You struggled, and that sounds like it fucking sucked, and I'm sorry it was that rough for you growing up. It sounds like you weren't given enough kindness and patience and explanations about things when you should have. And that really really sucks, I get that.

But you're not the only one who has struggled, and having a rough life doesn't give you the right to be an asshole to others or dictate how they are allowed to live their lives.

There's something important you aren't understanding here.

You have to try to understand what a social construct is. By definition, social constructs like gender and orientation and the language around them are constantly fluid and changing. Labels are fluid and are ours to pick or to ignore.

I feel a sense of better understanding of myself when I find a label I feel happy with. I feel peace and a sense of comfort that I'm not alone in my experiences. I feel a sense or community. So, for me personally, I love it when I find a label I feel fits me!

Other people feel that labels are restrictive, and that's okay too! No one has to use any labels that they don't want to identify with, and they really don't have to use any at all! The important thing is that the choices are ours to make.

See, you seem to have a fundamental misunderstanding about what being Queer means.

Trying to force strict rules on what queerness is is literally antithetical to the definition of queer. And someone outside the community like yourself absolutely does not get a say in how we define our queerness.

Queerness in and of itself, by definition... is literally a rejection of the strict rules society has always tried to force upon gender, orientation, and the like. Society tries so hard to force us into cis heteromantic heterosexual boxes, tries desperately to enact strict rules about who we can be and who we can care for.

The reason that there are so little rules in regards to how we can identify is that Queerness, at its very essence, is a rejection of the strict rules and labels that society forces upon us. Queerness is about breaking free or rules and boxes forced upon us by others. Historically, for decades the bisexual and lesbian communities were heavily intertwined and welcoming to each other and to letting their members identify as either or both if they wished.

Then, a bunch of biphobes decided that bi people were disgusting and dangerous for (many if not most of them) liking men. And the biphobes began trying to drive a wedge between the historically linked communities and force bisexuals out. Unfortunately, it seemed to work.

(here's one source I really enjoyed reading that taught me a lot about this bisexual and lesbian history!)

The link between the bi and lesbian communities once thrived, and then it was stolen from us by a bunch of biphobic assholes.

Bi lesbian is a rejection of the unjust rules society has tried to force upon us. It is a reclamation of the historical link that was ripped away from us by the hatred and bigotry of biphobes.

You need to learn how to be okay with not understanding every little thing. If you don't understand someone, talk to them, ask them questions. And if you still can't understand, that's okay! Because here's the thing: You don't have to understand something or someone to respect them. I don't understand every single xenogender or microlabel, but as long as they aren't based on hatred or bigotry, I am perfectly content to say "I can't say I understand it fully, but I'm happy you've found a label that brings you comfort and happiness with yourself!"

Identifying as bi lesbian is, at its core, an act of queer rebellion and reclaimation. The very essence of what being Queer is all about.

#Fave og posts #The asker might not listen to a single word #But I hope that someone out there finds comfort in what I've written #Bi lesbian #Queer #Queer pride #R slur tw #Ableism tw #Suicide tw #actually autistic #This ended up basically being an essay #I hope this is #Empowering #To others as writing this was for me #I feel a sense of validation and catharsis and empowerment from writing this out #I hope the asker takes some of it to heart #But if they don't I hope it at least helps others

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mimibwi · 9 months

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Just say you’re a closeted Taekooker and go. The Taennie situation is suspicious? No it’s not. Lol. Taehyung is dating Jennie, get over it. And I’m curious as to why you think that “realistically speaking” no ship is real? These boys have been close friends for more than ten years, is it impossible for romantic feelings to develop? I bet there are a hell lot more ships in Kpop that are/were real and will never be revealed. Queer people are everywhere, and the entertainment industries is especially saturated with us. :)

My first “closeted Taekooker” accusation🫢 Finally!!!?

Provided my last three posts were just me defending Taekook from “fanservice” allegations, I expected this much sooner so thank you but you definitely missed the mark on this anon lml.

Anyway, I didn’t use the word suspicious. Although it has similar connotations to “weird” or “strange”, I still don’t think “suspicious” is what I was going for. It’s just weird *shrugs *. I think many people can see that. Like I said in the post, that opinion is independent of them actually dating or not. Even if Taehyung posts a picture of him and Jennie tomorrow, I will forever stick with my opinion that the way their relationship was dealt with in the public eye for the last year or so is strange. And at the end of the day, it’s just my opinion. Jennie and Taehyung definitely don’t care what user mimibwi on tumblr has to say about their relationship😭.

About no ship being real. The comment isn't meant to disprove the existence of queer people. I do know that we exist. I also don't get why you thought I was implying that because the members possibly being queer isn't limited to ships within BTS. They can all be attracted to men and still not be dating each other...

When I say "realistically” or rather “If we’re looking at this seriously” (which is what i actually said), I am looking at BTS as what they are- a brand, a business. When we see BTS what they're doing is working, this is their job. And I fully stand with anyone who thinks that it's possible that the members could have developed feelings for each other. However, I also am of the opinion that these men are professional and I think the chance of them taking (what can be seen as) a huge risk to their brand, career and future is very small. (A chance being small doesn’t mean impossible) And once again, this has nothing to do with their sexuality and everything to do with them wanting to maintain the integrity(?) of BTS as a team. I know shippers play around with things like "maybe they broke up" or "maybe he left x for y" and those are all good when it's just fun and games but that isn't what these real people's lives are. Can you imagine how much of a strain it would put on the team's dynamic if Jikook or Yoonmin or Namjin or whoever you ship were together and then break up, whether amicably or not? This is looking at it in a very negative way but I think if any of the guys were to ever date or mess around, all of these things would've or at least should've been considered. So the reason why I think it's less likely that any ship is "real" is the same reason I think it's unlikely that any of the boys have messed around with their stylists or makeup artists etc. Can it happen? Of course. Is it advised? Probably not. But these two situations can’t be looked at on the same scale—there are a lot of nitty gritty details that make these too different but i won’t bore you much longer. Either way, BTS are global pop icons and I doubt it will be very easy to deal with a fallout (a break up, them possibly being outed etc. etc.) of any relationship amongst a group of their capacity and the members are surely aware of that.

As I mentioned in the post, I am saying all of this as a shipper, as a person who, on some days (my most delulu ones), wonders to myself how everyone doesn't see that the members of my ship have serious romantic feelings for each other. I am an overthinker, I think of as many possibilities under the sun as I can. And notice that I keep saying possibilities because none of my opinions are ever meant to enforce any particular views on anyone. I am just looking at things from many different perspectives. This is my HR/PR perspective here lol. I can even try to look at it from Bang PD's perspective and even he wouldn't have the final say on whether the boys decide to pursue a relationship or not. At the end of it all, It's up to the members of that ship whether they are willing to take the "risk" or not and my hunch usually leans towards them not being willing to (this is once again something I can expand a bit more on but i’ll save you from it) which is why i shared that opinion anon.

This is a topic I have many thoughts on, my views on it aren’t limited to what I’ve expressed here— it’s just difficult to explain. I can debate with myself for a long time on why i think it’s likely no ship is real while still being a shipper. The whole point of that opinion wasn’t to declare that “no ship is real so give it up”. Instead it was meant to encourage shippers to doubt themselves cause some of y’all (maybe not you specifically) are just too comfortable and confident when you could just be loud and wrong. We could all be wrong.

~🐝

#asks #bts ships

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espithewarlock · 3 months

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Just read "I'll let you give it to me" and ohhhh my God that was so good? And so hot? Your brain >>>>>

Actually speechless

Hello! Thank you for the ask and double thank you for the compliment!! I actually have a lot to say on the matter, so forgive me for using your ask to do it.

So I'm going to be perfectly honest and admit that I'll Let You Give It To Me, despite being a PWP, was a struggle to finish. I started writing it almost immediately after posting Croissants in Abu Dhabi and was finally able to pick it back up and finish it this weekend.

Part of the reason I set it down was because I got distracted writing other things (Baker!Pierre & 1016 Week prompts were happening around that time) and the other part is due to the comments I was getting on I’ve Got a Feeling That I’m Not Complete Anymore.

They were, to put it bluntly, mean.

There was about 24 hours that I spent crying on & off about them and I couldn't write a word of anything for 2 weeks. (That's not an exaggeration.)

The problem was, the comments weren't wrong. The commenters were mad about actions the characters were taking and, unfortunately, directing that anger at me, the author. (I haven't deleted any of those comments by the way, so they can be read on AO3.)

The characters that I wrote into that fic...they're far from perfect. Pierre is more than a little selfish and inconsiderate, Charles is definitely an enabler and has his own selfish moments, and Max is completely hypocritical about what he wants.

I wanted to write about a messy relationship and...well...I did.

That's why I haven't deleted the comments. They're correct on multiple fronts. I just wish those commenters had the presence of mind to consider the impact their harsh words would have on me. (Recognizing that this is a selfish request on my part but, well, it is my writing.)

They're supposed to be mad at the characters, they're supposed to want better for them, and they're supposed to see how those characters try and improve themselves, even if it isn't perfect.

I don't know about anyone else, but I think perfection in relationships is a) impossible and b) boring.

I'd also be remiss if I didn't thank the wonderful, amazing, @duquesademiel for being incredible. She dedicated an entire day to reading my fic and, essentially, live reacting to it in my DMs. (Plus, she left the most amazing comment on the final chapter that makes me 🥰)

That completely reignited my love for this universe and helped convince me to finish what I had started with this PWP.

So, yeah, this was just a smutty little one-shot for most people. For me, this is an accomplishment. I was able to set aside the negative comments and write something that brings me joy.

Hearing that it brought other people joy too is, as Max would put it, simply lovely. So thank you for taking time out of your day not just to read it, but to come here and tell me you enjoyed it. Positive comments and feedback like yours help motivate me to keep writing, and to keep improving my writing. 💚

#Espi answers asks!#Espi likes to ramble about her writing #'Shatter and Shimmer' as a series is 84k words #of course I have a lot to say about it #and it's by far my most popular in terms of hits kudos and comments by sheer number #so I know that other people enjoyed reading it too #but sometimes one or a few negative comments can be so discouraging #so I love every single one of you who takes the time to leave positive comments on ANY fic (not just mine)#especially you sol if you're lurking in my tags #sol gets warm blankets and hugs instead of soup

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sttoru · 5 months

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Hi. ✌️ I'm writing this as I'm feeling very low, so I'm sorry if it doesn't really make sense, but I've been struggling with my body image lately. 😓😓

Tw: body image struggles, sadness, negativity, bullying, mentions of being underweight.

For some unknown reason, I've been feeling very unsatisfied with the way I look. I've been struggling to accept my face and body. I used to feel like this when I was like, twelve or something, and then it got better, but, sometimes, like now, I get hit by so many insecurities... 🥲

The beauty standard, for women, where I live is to be curvy (because people love having something to grab).

And I never cared about that until I started going to school and my classmates would talk behind my back about how I was way too thin, way too flat, way too boney, too underweight. About how nobody would ever want me. Saying that my skin was too ugly (because I have freckles and I'm always covered in bruises, my skin is very thin, so it's easy to be marked), that nobody would like to hold me because it would be like hugging a pile of hard uncomfortable bones and then they'd point out "imperfections" that I never even noticed - my stretch marks around my thighs, my asymmetrical nose, my uneven knees, my dimples, my big front teeth, etc.

Having your body trashed by others is so hurtful, even when it isn't directed to me. 😣 Why are these people judging other people on the way they look? In such a superficial way? They didn't choose to be born this way. They are just. There. Trying to live their lives naturally. Why does it bother people so much the way you look? And then they make you hate yourself too, because no one likes having their "flaws" and insecurities called out and made fun of. And the worst part of it: if someone else has the same "flaws" as you, you won't think it looks that bad on them. 😐

Growing up was hard, and I grew to, not love, but accept myself as me. Still, those words linger in the back of my mind. Those are the things I keep on thinking about before falling asleep, while shopping for clothes, while eating, while staring at the mirror. I hate that their words are affecting me until now. I hate feeling so miserable about how I look. Do you have any advice on how to love yourself? On how to heal better from years of receiving hate?

I hope you have a great day and I hope I'm not bothering you. 😅

hellloo! sorry for the late response, i was quite busy :< i’m also very sorry to hear that you feel like that and i surely hope that what i’m going to say helps you somehow. in any kind of way, hopefully.

if your struggles get unbearable, please contact nearby (mental) health care services or friends. remember that there’s always someone out there who care for you for who you are <

first of all, no one deserves to go through such a thing. it’s horrible — that people call others out on things they can barely have any influence on, like how someone looks. never ever should anybody comment on another ones’ looks. shouldn’t ever be considered okay.

unfortunately, nowadays it’s like its normal. i see it every day, people and especially women getting trashed by thousands of unwanted comments from both men and women about their body. being too fat, being too skinny, being too dark skinned, having stretch marks : it’s literally impossible to be a woman, like america ferrera said in the barbie movie (saying the latter assuming you are a woman or identify as one). people will always feel like criticising someone else’s body or face, no matter what you change or try.

there’s lots of reasons for that; some just like to project, others tend to focus too much on the beauty standards that are institutionalised into their brains due to all kinds of social media platforms. you also have some people who love to hate because they want to feel better about themselves; aka insecurities. if they see someone who they think is less attractive than them, they tend to instantly downgrade them to make themselves feel better. it sucks — really does. but that says a lot about them as a person (trash LOL).

so those people who said all of those horrible things to you when you were young, probably did it due to one of the reasons stated above. and let me tell you, all reasons stated above do NOT justify their harsh words. it’s childish and immature to say all those words to you — they’re immature and need therapy themselves to grow out of that mindset of needing to bring other people down.

thus i can promise you that the right (mature) people do NOT care about how you look. the healthy & healed people who learnt that harsh words can easily influence another’s mind for years on end, do not ever trash you for your looks or insecurities. EVER. nor do people who actually realise just how harmful beauty standards are to the average human.

it’s unfortunate that those weren’t the people who were around you during your childhood and i’m sorry for that.

i’m sure you’re just fine. i hope you meet people who love you for who you are, people who love you inside and out no matter what or how you look. there are people out there that i’m sure you’ll meet one day whom will help you heal those open wounds from your past.

but, you can’t just sit around and wait on those people to come heal you. at the end of the day, it’s your body, your life, your thoughts. it’s tough to heal alone — but that’s a good start. slowly starting to learn to love yourself again will bring you all the peace you need.

it’s not a quick journey, believe me. it’s gonna be tough, you are going to slip and fall, but remember that your future is in your hands. not in the validation or words of others: your future is yours and so is your life.

my advice on how to love yourself after all those draining years is to spend more time with yourself. i know it sounds harsh, but getting to know your mind and self can put yourself at complete ease. what can you do to improve your understanding of yourself?

- keep a journal. don’t have to write in it every day, but each time you want to vent — write in it. if you feel too lazy to write, let off your steam in your notes app. or too lazy to type? talk out loud to yourself or voice record it.

- reflect on your journal. think about your feelings — ask why? questions. search for the possible problems behind your feelings. dissect those problems and search for possible solutions.

example: you feel sad again, because of your remembrance of what others had said to you in the past -> accept the situation; understand why you feel the way you feel -> think of those people and realise and accept that they’re in the past and you’re living in the future (as impossible and harsh as that sounds)

your future is in your hands — your future is something that you can CHANGE. the past is unchanging, you can’t undo what they said. you can’t undo the experiences. once again, as harsh as that sounds. accepting and moving on is a life long process which starts with teaching yourself exactly that.

a fresh new start = a fresh new chapter in your life. in your future. your present.

- learn to live in the present. againnnn, sounds impossible, but it takes time to accept this. you cannot undo what has happened nor can you undo that it has influenced you. that’s why people HEAL: you heal from your wounds, you don’t undo them. why? because you can’t undo them. you get hurt and accept the pain and the fact you got hurt. then you can start the process of healing, which you can only do if you move forward.

try your best to not hang in the past and focus on the present and future which lays in your hands.

- whenever you think back to whom or what hurt you, consider the value of it for your personal growth. is it negative? think about it if needed, accept it, nod, shrug and ultimately leave it behind because it will not help you personally in the future; you have no need for that stuff that will only get in the way of your journey to love yourself.

think about it for as long as you need, but make sure the thoughts get left behind. if you do not accept and do not stop thinking about those negative things, they will stick for the rest of your life and only make it more unbearable. (i call it the TAM method: ‘think, accept, move on’)

i know it sounds impossible, but trust me, it works once you get used to it.

of course, it doesn’t always work. and it is not bad to sometimes be unable to, it’s a looooong progress and journey, but as long as you keep doing what i said above — it will eventually come to you naturally. (i hope.)

- self care days! or mental health days, they call it. take some days for yourself, where you do your favorite things and just try to relax the best you can. example; take a walk with some music on, draw, watch your comfort series etc. etc. to get your mood up!! do this weekly. i do it on fridays after school/work because that’s when i feel best. but its always up to you to choose when to do them (can just be whnever you need a break from life).

lastly, i recommend (if you are able to afford it) to see a therapist or psychologist. they can give you the necessary tools and advice to help with your problems properly. it can also help if you talk it out with someone.

i’m always here to listen more to you. always here to help. my dms are also open and i will try to respond asap. remember that beauty standards do not define you for who you are: everyone’s unique, special and beautiful in their own way.

i myself may not love myself or accept myself fully yet, but the more i realise why other people say or do hurtful things, the more i accept that life is always going to be that way. there are always going to be people who criticise you no matter what. it’s a harsh world we live in — a harsh industry with lots of people whom haven’t healed or have gotten out of their institutionalised toxic mindsets. mind you; some never do.

that’s why associating yourself with such individuals will only bring you down. learn to disassociate yourself from them and that includes anything they’ve said to you — leave them to rot away in their own unbearable and toxic thoughts. live your life. it’s yours and no one can change or lead it for you. not their words nor their actions can change your present and future; only if you choose to allow them to.

focusing on yourself and wanting to love yourself and grow as a person gives you autonomy and authority about your own life. take that path and remember that it takes time to heal & accept yourself <3

LOVE YOU!

#sttoru responds.#THIS GOT SUPER LONG BUT #let me know if this helps in any way even if its a crumb

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