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javierpena-inatacvest · 4 months

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Chapter 19- Good Luck, and Goodnight

Summary: It's the night before your wedding at your rehearsal dinner. Things are prepped and ready for the big day tomorrow, everyone couldn't be happier for you and Javi, and if you were any more excited to marry your future husband, you're convinced you'll explode. Everything seems to be going perfectly, that is, until it's not.

Word Count: 12.5K (Lil Shawty for me tbh)

Warnings: SMUT(18+) unprotected p in v sex (wrap before u tap), oral (f receiving), vaginal fingering, big fat breeding kink, getting cockblocked by your dog (Sorry, Bear), mentions of death of family members, Javi putting his preemptive girl dad skills to the test (and passing with flying colors), mentions of anxiety/panic, lack of sleep due to said anxiety, Javi can't stop calling you Mrs. Peña and telling you how excited he is to get married, Javi once again setting the bar in the sky for all men

A/N: I am literally so sorry from the bottom of my heart this chapter has legit taken a month (January has kicked my ASS). I am so excited for their wedding, but I figured we'd get a little sneak peak before the big day arrives!! As if this series wasn't already self indulgent enough, I too, have been cockblocked by my own dog more times than I would like to count (please tell me I am not the only one), and got approximately 3 and a half hours of sleep the night before my wedding 🫠 (forever anxious girlies (gn) rise up!!!) ily each and every one of you so much, thank you for all your love and support 🥺💕

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Perfect.

That was what your morning felt like as you blinked the sleep from your eyes, stretching your arms over your head to wake yourself to the vision of the bright, golden sunrise spilling through your curtains, casting towering shadows on your bedroom, soft July breeze floating through your open window.

Birds singing their melodic morning songs, wind gently rustling the trees outside your window…

“Hhhhhhsssssmmmmmggggggggg”

“Mmmmmmgggggghhhhhhhhhggg”

…The sweet, synchronized snores of your future husband and dog snuggled next to you, still sound asleep as their bodies laid splayed across the better half of the bed with the majority of the comforter and sheets tangled between them, leaving you with a sliver of mattress and a tiny corner of blanket.

Well, it was almost perfect.

You couldn’t help but giggle at the sight of your two favorite boys happily snoozing away as the world began to wake around them, pressing a soft kiss onto each of their heads before sleepily shuffling your way to the bathroom.

You had barely made it two steps before Bear’s ears perked up, tail thumping against the mattress to see at least one of his favorite humans was awake, and better yet, able to feed him breakfast. He sprung off the bed, happily trotting behind you as he followed you to the bathroom, patiently sitting by the toilet as you peed, since you had quickly learned that personal space no longer existed after Bear had become a permanent member of your home.

“Gimme a second, ya goof.” You smiled, laughing to yourself as you flushed, maneuvering around Bear’s big body to wash your hands before the two of you meandered to the kitchen, leaving Bear wagging and shaking in excitement as he sat by his bowl, wiggling even faster as he watched you dump his food into his dish and began to chow down.

Leaving Bear to munch on his breakfast, you snuck your way back to the bedroom, softly closing the door behind you before crawling back into bed, sneaking through the sea of tangled sheets to find Javi’s body, his presence warm and inviting as you nestled up next to him.

Your hands slid up his bare chest and over the broadness of his shoulders until your hands met his jaw, gently cupping the unshaven stubble of his cheeks, swiping your thumb back and forth against his scruff skin.

Javi’s body began to stir, his arms now wrapping around you to pull you on top of him, your stomach resting against his as he squeezed you against his body, making you erupt in sleepy giggles.

“Good morning, sleepy head.” You whispered against his skin, planting soft kisses across his patchy beard while his eyes began to slowly flutter open, quickly joined by a tired grin growing between his cheeks.

“Good morning, Mrs. Peña.” He rasped, his greeting making you pull back to see the boyish smirk plastered all over his face, the hands that had been resting on the small of your back slowly snaking their way down to your ass, and giving it a little squeeze.

“Almost Mrs. Peña, you dork. One more day.” You giggled, your face growing warm at the realization that in 24 hours, that name would be your reality and your forever for the rest of your life.

“Close enough.” Javi grinned, leaning up to press a soft kiss against your lips, practically feeling his sleepy smile against your mouth. “Fuck, I can’t believe we’re getting married tomorrow. I can’t wait. I can’t wait for you to be my wife,” he pressed another kiss on your cheek, making you giggle, “I can’t wait to be your husband,” he paused, making you giggle even louder as he began trailing his lips down your neck, the hairs of his mustache tickling your skin, “to spend the rest of my life with you,” you squealed as Javi flipped you onto your back, your head landing on your pillows as he hovered over your body, gently tugging your oversized shirt over your stomach, letting his hand creep up your skin, “have a family with you, fuck a baby into you.” you could feel the subtle shift in his tone as his hand palmed at your breasts, kneading your soft flesh, making you let out a soft moan, whispering his name.

You and Javi had agreed on two conditions in attempts to keep your ever growing baby fever somewhat at bay- One, you were married, and two, your new house was completely finished and ready to be moved into. Tomorrow, the first half of your agreement was about to be fulfilled, and with the second half only a few weeks away, the prospect of legitimately trying for a baby was on the horizon, the two of you had been absolutely insatiable about the idea.

“Javi, please…”

“Please what, Osita? Tell me what you want, Hermosa. You want me to give you a baby when I give you my last name too, huh? Show everyone you’re mine with that ring on your finger and our baby growing inside you?” Javi rasped, tugging your sleep shorts off your hips, sliding them down your legs and hit the floor as he situated himself at the edge of the bed, gently nudging open your knees to reveal the arousal that had begun pooling between your legs, soaking your folds and inner thighs. “Sure looks like that’s what you want, isn’t it, sweet girl? Fuck me, you’re so fucking wet already.”

“Jesus Christ…Yes, oh my god.” You whimpered, already feeling your mind go blank as he settled himself between your legs, draping his arms over your thighs pinning you to the bed, kissing closer and closer to your core, letting his lips ghost over your clit, making you shutter.

“I know, Osita. Almost, baby. As soon as we’re married and this house is finally done, I’ll give you everything you want. I promise.” He smirked, watching the desperation spread across your face as he licked one long, broad stroke through your folds, tongue pressed flat against your sensitive bundle of nerves, already aching and throbbing without barely being touched. Almost painfully slowly, he began to work his mouth around your clit before taking his two fingers and collecting the slick dripping from your entrance, soaking his digits before pushing them into your heat, the sensation making you audibly moan in pleasure.

Javi took his sweet time, pumping his curved fingers in and out of your cunt, hitting the soft, spongy spot inside of you over and over as his tongue danced across your clit, swirling and sucking in the way he knew made you lose your mind in the best way possible, relishing in every moan and whimper that escaped from your mouth. Your hand shot down to his head nestled between your thighs, tugging at the sleepy curls of his dark brown hair, looking for some relief as you felt the tingle at the base of your spine begin to grow, slowly creeping its way through your body.

It never failed to shock you how quickly Javi was able to make you cum without even trying, how he had memorized every twitch and tug of your body beneath him, that he had learned all the ways to make you fall apart over and over again like his life depended on it. It also never failed to shock you how much the smug grin that spread across Javi’s face as he knew you were getting close made you lose yourself even more, the lust swirling in the deep brown of his eyes staring up at you with delight, practically begging for you to cum for him.

“Fuck, oh fuck- Just like that Javi, fuck, oh shit- holy fuck, you feel so good, baby.” You whimpered, your hand still buried in the locks of his hair as he pulled his face away, the smirk under his mustache covered in your slick as his fingers continued to languidly pulse inside you, now feeling your cunt clench tighter and tighter around them.

“That’s it, sweet girl. I know you’re close, Hermosa, can feel how fucking tight you are around my fingers. Cum for me, Osita, I’ve got you, baby. Cum for me and then I’ll fuck you so good I swear I’ll fucking beat your birth control and knock you up right now.” His words hummed deep in his chest, the thought of his promise alone making you writhe in the tangled sheets of your bed, your pussy beginning to flutter as he dove back between your legs, his leisurely pace now becoming almost as frantic and desperate as you were.

His mouth latched around your clit, tongue flicking and and prodding at your sensitive nerves as his fingers worked in tandem, fucking deeper into you with each thrust of your hand, trying to use his other arm to keep you in place as you bucked your hips, instinctively needing to grind your bottom half against his face, feeling your sweet release beginning to spread through you.

It wasn’t long before the coil inside you had completely snapped, your orgasm spreading through every inch of your body as you cried out Javi’s name, his fingertips digging into the meat of your thighs as he relentlessly worked you through your high, only stopping as the the cries of his name transformed into ragged moans and breathless pants, you fingers gripping so tight on your sheets, you were convinced your knuckles were turning white.

In one swift motion, Javi had already shifted from between your legs to on top of you, ripping his boxers off his hips, letting his already hard length rest against your thigh as his mouth crashed into yours, the sweet and tangy taste of your slick still fresh where your lips became a mess of tangled tongues and teeth. His broad palm kneaded at the soft flesh of your breasts, rolling your pebbled nipples between his fingers while the other reached between your bodies, stroking his length before lining himself up with your entrance, the delicious stretch of his fullness making you whine as he bottomed out inside you, his hips flushed against yours, letting you feel every inch of him inside you.

“Javi, holy shit, fuck, baby.” You whimpered, your brain already beginning to short circuit as Javi began to thrust his hips, the lewd noises of his cock sliding in and out of your pussy already filling the room between your moans and whines.

Javi buried his face in your neck, sucking at your pulse point as your arm draped around his back, digging your fingertips into the strong muscles of his shoulders as his pace began to quicken as he felt your arms wrap around him.

Suddenly, Javi’s arm snaked under your back, lifting the both of you up as you settled into his lap, your legs straddling over his as you came chest to chest, foreheads resting against each others while he continued to fuck into you over and over. His palm spread splayed across your bare back while the other snaked around your waist, keeping you steady while you swirled your hips on his length and your bodies melted into one another's.

The damp curls of his sweat ridden hair brushed against your face as he turned his head up to kiss you again, your lips locking while your bodies moved in sync, the perfect motion of each push and pull bringing you closer to the edge of release.

“Fuck, you’re so perfect. My perfect fucking wife. Gonna be a perfect fucking mom for our kids. Oh fuck- Fuck, I love you so much, Osita.” Javi grunted, his grip on your body growing tighter as he could feel you beginning to tighten around his cock, throwing your head back in pleasure as you felt the coil in your belly begin to tighten again.

It felt like a moment where nothing else in the world existed besides the two of you, so blissfully unaware of anything else besides the sweet sensation of getting lost in each other. It was a moment you could have gotten trapped in forever- until you heard the familiar creek of your bedroom door swing open, making your eyes go wide in panic.

“Javi, Javi-” You whispered frantically, trying to catch your breath and get his attention as he continued to thrust into you, completely unaware of the scene that was beginning to unfold behind him. “Javi!” You panted again, this time tapping your hand against his back, the action combined with your clear change in tone enough to snap him out of his current state.

“What? What’s going on? Are you okay?” He gasped, trying to catch his breath alongside you, scrunching his brow in confusion at the terrified look on your face as you stared across the bedroom.

It was only when Bear let out a happy “woof” from the foot of your bed that Javi immediately understood your terror, realizing your dog had just walked in on the middle of you two having sex.

“Oh fuck me…” Javi muttered, the two of you frozen in fear as you looked at each other, “I thought you closed the door after you fed him this morning.”

“Well obviously I thought I did too…” You grumbled, looking back and forth between the stark contrast in Bear’s blissfully unaware state and Javi’s very aware and embarrassed one.

“What do we do?”

“I don’t know, Jav, just like, go find a way to get him out of the room and then close the door so he can’t get back in.”

“He’s gonna see me naked! I don’t wanna traumatize him!”

“Oh because him watching us have sex is gonna traumatize him less? Take the blanket at the end of the bed if you’re so worried.”

“Jesus Christ…” Javi sighed as you got off his lap, scooching to the edge of the bed as he wrapped the blanket around his waist, making Bear perk up and happily thump his tail on the floor where he had been sitting, staring up at you. “Hey, bud, let’s get you out of here, okay? C’mon!”

Bear was nothing if not the world’s happiest, most playful dog, so as soon as he saw Javi crouching down, trying to coax him out of the bedroom, Bear took it as his turn to pounce, jumping up to tug at the blanket Javi was using to shield himself and catching it in his teeth, promptly ripping it off Javi’s body and leaving him completely naked as your dog pranced around your room with his new “toy”.

“Bear, no! Give that back! Fuck!” Javi shouted, trying to cover himself with one hand and chase Bear with the other, leaving you erupting in laughter at the comical sight beginning to unfold in real time in front of you. “Oh, so you think this is funny now? No, Bear, drop it!” Javi groaned, finally getting a grip on the blanket Bear had taken as he released it from his mouth, Javi frantically scrambling to wrap it back around his waist.

“... It is a little funny…” You snickered, trying your best to contain your giggles as Javi rolled his eyes, letting out a huff of frustration as he started to herd Bear into the hallway again. Throwing one of the balls that Bear had left behind in your bedroom, your dog quickly scampered away in a hasteful chase while Javi quickly shut the door behind him, triple checking to make sure it was locked. Javi let out a few deep breaths, the two of you laughing to yourselves, only to be interrupted by whines and scratches coming from the other side of the door.

A small frown spread between Javi’s cheeks hearing the sad noises whimpering in the hallway, looking back at you with even sadder puppy dog eyes than you were convinced your dog would be giving you from outside your bedroom. You sighed, giving him a slightly annoyed look, knowing that for as much as you loved your dog, Javi had a soft spot for Bear like no other, and the thought of leaving him sad and alone without the two of you was making him crack quicker than you had anticipated.

“Javi, he’s a dog, I promise, he’ll be fine.” You sighed, reading the concerned look plastered across Javi’s face with his back pressed to the bedroom door.

“I know… He just sounds so sad. I don’t want him to think we’re mad at him.” Javi pouted, his frown growing even bigger as Bear’s whines became louder and louder.

“Javi… Seriously?” You sassed, knowing that any other time you would have relished in the sweet sentiment of how much Javi loved your dog, but right now, that was the last thing your horny brain really seemed to care about.

“Fine, fine.” He huffed, dropping the blanket and making his way back to the bed, climbing his way back on the mattress, hovering over you. His lips met yours again, trailing down your face and collarbone as you reached between your bodies to wrap your hands around Javi’s cock, beginning to stroke him in hopes your efforts would help get him hard again after the incident with the dog had not done him any favors.

Over your muffled moans and wet kisses, Bear’s pathetic whines carried through the door, becoming harder and harder to ignore as Javi’s dick was becoming less and less hard.

“You’re not gonna be able to stop thinking about the dog, are you?” You laughed to yourself, your grasp dropping from around his cock, still soft despite your efforts, Javi’s head dropping into your shoulder in defeat, letting out a frustrated exhale in silent agreement.

“I’m sorry…” He grumbled, now flopping over next to you on the bed, burying his head in his hands in embarrassment.

“You are such a softie, Javier Jesús Peña. Literally and figuratively.” You giggled, playfully crossing your arms over your chest and raising an eyebrow at Javi. You couldn’t even pretend to be mad, because as much as you wanted to be, the way Javi was too sweet for his own damn good with your dog had you imagining what he’d be like as a dad, and that- that was enough to melt you in a puddle faster than a snowman in the middle of July. “Alright, let’s get dressed. As much as I hate to admit it, I think this is the universe’s way of telling us we probably have more important things to do on the day before our wedding that wrangle our dog out of our bedroom so we can fuck.”

You let out an overdramatic grunt as you pushed yourself out of bed, fishing Javi’s oversized t-shirt off of the floor and throwing it over your top, followed by your sleep shorts and tossing Javi’s boxers back to him as he stood sheepishly by the door.

“I’m not that big of a sap…” Javi grumbled reluctantly, shuffling his underwear over his hips rolling his eyes at you as you met him by the door, draping your arms around his neck and pressing up on your tiptoes to plant a soft kiss on his unshaven stubble.

“You 100% are, even if you won’t admit it. And that,” You paused, pressing another peck of your lips to his, “Is reason number 3,452 why I love you so much.”

“3,452? That’s it?” He teased, playfully shaking you in his grasp before wrapping his hand around the back of your head, pulling it closer to his bare chest as he buried a kiss in the messy roots of your hair. “Seems kinda low.”

“Better watch yourself, Peña, or I’ll make it 3,451.” You smirked, giving him a little nudge as you reached over to the doorknob, letting Bear stampede into your room and hop up onto your bed, gleefully wiggling at the sight of his two favorite people. “And you, mister, are so lucky that you are so cute and that your dad can’t say no to you. Whaddya say, stinker, should we take you for one last walk before your mom and dad get married? And then hopefully you’ll be tired enough by the time we get back to let us finish what we started?”

“You are fucking ridiculous, you know that right?” Javi grinned, gently cupping his hand over your cheek, rubbing his thumb against your skin.

“A ridiculous woman who is about to be your wife, so that’s on you, ya goof.”

“God, I love you.”

“I love you, too. Let’s go get married.”

When Javi had asked you to marry him, there had never been a shred of doubt in your mind that your answer would be anything less than a resounding yes. There hadn’t been a single shred of doubt or worry since he slid that ring on your finger last November, and you knew that your plans for a small wedding with your close friends and family on the Peña ranch was the perfect way to celebrate the beginning of the rest of your lives together.

You had no fears or worries that tomorrow was going to be anything less than perfect, not a single care or stress in the world.

But everyone else’s stress was enough to make you age another 40 years before you even had the chance to say “I do.”

Your family had flown in from Chicago earlier in the week, followed by the Murphy family, staying in your nearly finished new home to help the two of you prepare for the big day, although the word “prepare” seemed to have quite different definitions depending on who you asked.

To your mom, Connie, and sister-in-law, prepared meant steaming your dress, triple checking the amount of silverware for dinner, harassing you about finally getting your nails painted and creating her 407th checklist of to-do’s since landing in Laredo on Wednesday.

To Steve and your brothers, it meant barely remembering to bring their suits with them on the plane and asking Javi to come out to the bar with them to have some fun before the wedding instead of working on either of their speeches they were supposed to be giving.

To your nieces and the Murphy girls, it meant forming a ferocious girl gang of 5 and constantly pestering anyone they could find to take them to Mr. Chucho’s to go play with the cows and the horses since wedding planning was clearly not as fun as being at the farm with the animals.

To your dad and Chucho, it meant staying as far away from the whole situation as possible and being forever thankful there was at least one TV set up in your new house where he could watch ESPN in peace.

And to you and Javi, it meant the best you could do was take a deep breath and pray that one way or another, you would survive everyone’s stress and all made it to live to see your wedding day.

With less than 24 hours to go, everyone in the wedding had found themselves gathered at the Peña ranch for final preparations, your rehearsal dinner, and getting all the girls settled to spend the night at the ranch to get their hair and makeup done the next morning, while the boys would migrate to your new house, considering the most getting ready they had to do was fix their hair and put on their suits. While everyone else was busy with dinner, decorations, or in your brother’s case, distracting everyone else from doing what they were supposed to be, you had found a moment to sneak away into Javi’s room where you were planning on staying for the night, looking for at least a few moments of peace and quiet amongst the chaos.

“You doin’ okay, Mrs. Peña?” Javi’s soft voice cooed from the doorway of his old bedroom, watching you sort through your 3rd bag of things you had packed to make sure you were prepared for tomorrow morning, quietly laughing to himself at your meticulous packing and organizing.

The familiar sound made your head turn, letting out a quiet sigh and smile of relief to see it was your future husband standing in the doorway, and not anyone else asking you for something or plans about tomorrow.

“I’m okay, this is all just-”

“A lot?” He chuckled, making his way into the room to sit next to your bags spread across his old bed, outstretching his arms to pull you in for a hug to try and distract you from the stress he could feel radiating from all the way outside the door, knowing you had probably needed a break from all the hustle and bustle happening outside from last minute set up and rehearsal dinner.

“Yeah, a lot.” You huffed, feeling your body sink into Javi’s embrace, savoring in the familiarity of his warmth and savory scent, feeling the tension ease in your body as you remembered the reason for your wedding holding you tightly in his arms. “I know everyone is just trying to be helpful, and I don’t want to you to think I’m not excited because I am, I’m so excited to marry you, it’s just that-”

“Shhhhhh, baby, it’s okay. I feel the same way. C’mere.” He smiled, pulling you closer to him, squeezing you just tight enough to make you burst into giggles before releasing you to grab your hands in his, gently tracing his thumbs along your skin in delicate circles. “Just think, tomorrow, we get to get married and spend the whole day celebrating the fact that I get to spend the rest of my life with the most beautiful, stunning, amazing woman on the face of this earth, and then after that, we get to spend 10 days in the Bahamas, just me, my wife and the beach, without a worry in the world besides how long we wanna sit in the sun, what drink you want in your hand and where we wanna fu-”

“There they are! Shit, you were right, Steve, you know the man well.” Your brother David’s voice rang from down the hallway, quickly followed by the footsteps and sounds of your other brother Charlie, and Steve.

“Hey! Lovebirds! Remember that party that we’re throwin’ for y’all? Probably would be good if you were there for it instead of makin’ out in here. You got the whole honeymoon for that.” Steve teased, knocking on your door, the boy’s laughter and snickers was enough to make you and Javi whip your heads around, rolling your eyes at the goofy gang the 3 had become since meeting for the first time a few days ago, you and Connie both agreeing that the group was no better than a pack of middle school boys with the ability to drink beer, happily confiding in their shit talking shenanigans to pass the time to distract from the wedding formalities they needed to be kept most up to date on.

“Yeah, dude, Mom’s been looking for you for like 15 minutes. I’ve already had my wedding and I don’t need to suffer her wrath again.” Charlie smirked, taking a sip of his drink while Steve and David snickered to themselves.

“Don’t you two idiots have anything better to do than annoy us and drag Steve into it too?” You groaned, turning around and crossing your arms over your chest to face the 3 Stooges in your doorway.

“No, not really.” David shrugged, finishing off the rest of his beer.

“Perfect,” You sighed, voice oozing with sarcasm, “Tell mom we’ll be out there in 5 minutes, okay?”

“Alright, timer’s set, gentlemen,” Steve cackled, waving his wrist in the air and pointing to his watch, “and God knows I’ve walked in on you two enough times that I won’t be the one coming to get you when time’s up.”

“Jesus Fucking Christ, Murph. Get the fuck outta here, or I’m gonna pick one of the cows outside to be my best man instead of you.” Javi grumbled, resting his face in his palm, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers as he shook his head.

“Honestly, kinda sounds like an upgrade…” David smirked, slapping Steve on the chest before turning over to Charlie and gesturing towards the hallway, your brothers now scampering away in laughter as Steve chased off behind them.

“Just think, tomorrow, they’re officially your brothers, too. Lucky you.” You huffed, rolling your eyes as you stepped back into Javi, laying your face on his chest while his arms wrapped around you again, pulling you in for one more hug as he kissed your forehead.

“I’d take 100 of your brothers if it means I get to spend the rest of my life with you.” He smiled, bringing his hand to your cheek and tilting your gaze up towards him.

“100? Really?” You teased, raising an eyebrow at him, the two of you laughing at the idea of multiplying your siblings times 50.

“On second thought, 2 is just fine.”

“Good thing Patrick’s not here, because I think at this point if he was, they probably would have found a way to take my wedding dress and put it on a horse.” Even though a soft smile settled across your face at the idea of your brothers (and apparently, now honorary brother, Steve) scheming up some sort of stupid prank, Javi could feel the twinge of pain hidden in your voice, knowing how desperately you wished your late brother was here to celebrate your wedding with you. “He would have really loved you, Javi. I really wish he got to be here.”

You couldn’t help but feel a sting in Javi’s silence as well, knowing how much he missed his mom, too. How deeply he wished that she knew he was finally happy, and had found someone to spend the rest of his life with that she would have loved just as much as he loved you. “I wish your mom got to be here, too. Maybe she could have helped calm my mom down a little.” You smiled at Javi, the two of you both trying to fight the tears that had begun welling in your eyes at the void you wished more than just their memories could fill.

“She would have loved you so much too, Osita. So fucking much.”

You held each other just a little tighter before pulling away to wipe the wetness pooling in your eyes, You paused for a moment, letting out a quiet sigh and laugh, knowing Patrick would have promptly kicked your ass for crying about him at your wedding and told you to stop being such a baby about it, just like Javi knew his mom would be throwing a fit knowing he was spending any waking moment before his wedding not cherishing every moment he could with his bride to be.

“I love you, Jav.” You sniffed, staring up at him with watering eyes and a sympathetic smile.

“I love you too, Osita.” He smiled back, his big brown eyes locking with yours in a soft, loving gaze.

“Okay, well, we should probably head back out there so my mom doesn’t lose her shit and Steve doesn’t harass us anymore.”

“I wasn’t kidding when I said the cow may be a better choice.”

“Listen… I never said it wasn’t”

As the two of you made your way to the back patio where everyone was gathered, you were quickly greeted by your mom and Connie, who had very early on taken it upon themselves to oversee that everything about your rehearsal dinner ran as smoothly as it could to ensure no hiccups tomorrow at the cost of nearly driving you up a wall from their constant and loving pestering.

“Okay, one last thing and then we’re done, I promise.” Connie grimaced, bracing herself for your less than enthused reaction to what you were convinced would definitely not be her final request of the night.

“We think that we should run through the ceremony one more time, just to be safe.” Your mom chimed in, nodding her head in agreement with Connie.

“Like the ceremony that we practiced 3 times an hour ago?” You replied, trying your best to hide your annoyance with their over preparedness, Javi’s hand snaking around your waist and giving your hip a little squeeze of reassurance knowing you were trying your best to keep it together.

“Okay listen, yes, but-” Connie began to rebuttal, only to be cut off promptly by your mom.

“It’s your brothers, sweetie. I love them, but let’s be honest, they’re idiots. I don’t trust them to remember how to put their socks on correctly in the morning, let alone walk down the aisle for your wedding.”

“Unfortunately, I think I may have to put Steve in that category too. I think the girls have it down better than he does.” Connie groaned, all of you now looking across the deck to see your brothers and Steve, David with a beer bottle balanced on his head and the other two chucking empty cans at him to try and knock it off, very quickly nodding in silent agreement that your mom and Connie were definitely not off base about this request.

“Yeah, okay, fair point.” You laughed, your eyes widening at your idiot brothers, their honorary 3rd member, and the one shared brain cell between them. “Sorry that they roped Steve into the Completely Clueless Carnival of Stupidity.”

“I’m sorry that my husband is a 12 year old boy who keeps egging them on.” Connie sighed, shaking her head at the trio. “Word of marriage advice, Javi? This?” She pointed over at Steve, now cheering and high fiving your brothers as he whipped an empty can at David, knocking his bottle off his head, “Not helping anyone get laid any time soon.”

“Duly noted.” Javi chuckled, shaking his head at his idiot friend, “I’ll remind Steve that he is a very lucky man.”

After a few minutes of wrangling, Connie and your mom were able to herd everyone back to the field where the ceremony was taking place, quizzing all members of the wedding party about their positions and timing to walk down the aisle after explaining for the 6th time, mostly because 5 out of the 6 times, your brothers had completely forgotten at what point they were supposed to make their appearance.

Even though it was the 4th practice round tonight, you couldn't keep the excited butterflies in your stomach from churning as you met Javi at the end of the aisle, staring up at the lovestruck gaze in his sweet brown eyes while he took your hand in his, softly mouthing “I love you” just loud enough for only you to hear, knowing that the next time you met him here, it would be the real thing.

With your mom and Connie satisfied enough, everyone was set free to disperse and enjoy the rest of the night for the next few hours, until it was time to send everyone their separate ways before the big day.

As you and Javi were making your way back to the patio, the two of you felt little hands tugging at the back of your clothes, whipping around to see the girl gang of your niece’s and the Murphy’s, all staring up at you and Javi with scheming grins and puppy dog eyes.

“Auntie Bear? Uncle Javi?” Your niece Olivia questioned, placing herself at the front of the group to signify herself as the unofficial leader, making you already aware she was going to try and persuade you of something given her syrupy tone.

“Yes, Miss Olivia?” You replied, crouching down to her level, knowingly raising an eyebrow at her, giving her a little smirk.

“Wellllll, we were all wondering if maybeeeeee, you and Uncle Javi could go take us to see the horses before we have to go to bed?” If Olivia’s eyes couldn’t have been any wider, the rest of the girl’s sure were, practically pleading with you and Javi as they playfully pouted, chanting a chorus of “please, please, please, please, pleaseeeeeee?”

“I don’t know girls, it’s starting to get late, we may not have a lot of time.” You responded, pushing yourself back up to stand as you looked over at Javi, running his hand over the back of his neck with a sheepish grin.

“I mean… We probably have enough time.” He muttered with a little shrug, looking back over at you, trying to hide the puddle he was turning into as the girl's adorable begging began to melt him. Hearing his response, the girls started to squeal in delight, jumping up and down before tackling Javi with hugs of gratitude.

“Thank you, Mr. Javi!” The older Olivia screeched, beaming with joy as her younger sister snuck between her and Javi, wrapping her arms around his leg with such force it almost took him to the ground.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you! You’re the best Uncle Javi!” Your nieces squealed, now joining Abby on Javi’s free leg and trapping him in their grasp.

“Alright well let’s not break Uncle Javi before we make it to the barn.” You laughed, peeling the girls off of him as they giggled and squirmed. “How about this? Why don’t you guys race to the gate, and we’ll meet you over there?”

“Okay!” The girls shouted in unison, quickly toppling off of Javi and lining themselves up in a racing position.

“On your mark… Get set… Go!” You yelled, sending the group dashing through the tall grass in a fit of joyous laughter and leaving you snickering at Javi, recovering from his full fledged attack from the giggle gang.

“I already know what you’re gonna say…” Javi grumbled, following behind you and the girls towards the barn, rolling his eyes at the smug look you had plastered on your face from cheek to cheek.

“Oh, yeah? And what am I gonna say, Jav?” You smirked, giving him a playful jab with your elbow, patiently waiting for your future husband’s admittance to having the biggest soft spot known to man.

“They’re just- They all looked so sweet and I didn’t wanna tell them no! They’re so cute.” Javi muttered, trying to defend himself from your interrogation, without having to directly admit the truth that the both of you knew all too well.

“Sooooooo, what you’re saying is…” You bit down on your lip, knowingly shrugging at Javi, trying to hold back your grin.

“... I’m a softie, you win.” He sighed, trying to keep himself from smiling at his defeat, even though well aware of the fact without having to admit it out loud.

“Who would have thought, once the world’s most sought after DEA agent to hunt down the cartel is now getting married and providing pony rides to his future nieces.” You teased, giving him another poke before he had you squealing too, picking you up and slinging you over his shoulder, carrying you through the field and spinning you around before placing you back down, giving you a playful shake.

“Not me. But I couldn’t be more happy that I’m wrong about it. Not a day goes by where I don’t think about the fact that I’m the luckiest fucking guy on the planet that you helped me prove myself wrong.”

“I couldn’t be more happy you proved yourself wrong, too.”

The promise of getting to see the horses of the Peña ranch had the girls wiggling with excitement, goofy grins on their faces as they watched you and Javi approach the barn gate in hightented anticipation of getting to interact with the animals.

Fortunately for the girls, Javi was more than happy to let them have free reign of the barn, letting them pet any horse they pleased for as long as they wanted, even letting the girls sneak each of them a few more treats than they should have.

Unfortunately for you, you hadn’t braced yourself for the absolute puddle you were planning on becoming as you watched Javi interact with your nieces and the Murphy’s. As if it wasn’t already sweet enough that the girls completely adored him, Javi was so thoughtful and patient with each and every one of them, taking the time to answer their questions, tell them the horses names, and hoist the younger girls up on his hip so they could see too, carefully cradling them in one arm and pointing out things with the other that made their little faces beam with joy.

At one point, he had propped up Brianna to sit on his shoulders, both of their faces lighting up as he watched her lean in to pet one of the horses and then pull back in delight to clap at her bravery, only to tap Javi’s head shouting “Again! Again!” as your other niece stood next to the both of them, cheering Brianna on as she squealed in satisfaction before Olivia was begging for you to come join in on the fun. You had to physically brace yourself as you walked over to the trio, because the sight of Javi and the giggling girls alone was making you weak in the fucking knees, let alone how he looked with a toddler hoisted up on his shoulders.

“Auntie Bear, look at how pretty the horses are!” Olivia squealed, grabbing on to the edge of the stall to peek over and see the horses inside. “Uncle Javi can you lift me up one more time so I can see pleaseeeeeeeee?”

“Of course, kiddo.” Javi grinned, reaching up to take Brianna off his shoulders, giving her a little raspberry on her belly on the way down before passing her off to you trying your best to keep your cool while your heart and ovaries were casually exploding into a million little pieces. “Up ya go.” He grunted, lifting Olivia up to rest at his waist, holding her closer to pet the horse.

“I think that she’s my favorite. I like her spots.” Olivia smiled, petting the horse as Javi held her.

“You know who else's favorite horse that is?” Javi chuckled, watching Oliva lean over to press a quick kiss into the horse’s nose before pulling her back up, watching her head curiously tilt at his question.

“Who?”

“Mr. Chucho’s.” He answered, laughing as he watched her face light up in excitement, grinning with glee.

“Really?! Auntie Bear, we have to go tell Mr. Chucho that we have the same favorite horse! Can we go tell him?”

“Absolutely, Cutie Patootie. We should probably start heading back anyway, we don’t want sleepy flower girls for tomorrow, do we?”

“But I is not even tieward.” Brianna pouted, letting out a long yawn after the end of her sentence, rubbing her eyes in contradiction to her statement, you and Javi quietly smirking at each other at your sleepy niece, gently resting her head against your chest.

“Of course you aren’t, Lil Miss. Liv, why don’t you go get the other girls and start heading back, okay? You guys can say goodbye to the horses on the way out.”

“You got it, Auntie Bear! C’mon you guys, let’s go, let’s go!” Before you could barely finish your sentence, Olivia was grabbing the rest of the girls, practically dragging them through the barn, the gaggle of girls racing past the stables and out the barn door as you and Javi trailed behind with Brianna sleepily situated in your arms. You were no less than 10 feet out of the stables before you could feel Brianna’s little snores against your chest, quietly laughing to yourself as you kissed her head, pulling her closer to you.

“Not sleepy, huh? God, you are getting heavy though, especially with your sleeping dead weight.” You laughed quietly to yourself, readjusting Brianna in your arms before looking over at Javi, his eyes wide and enamored, quietly watching you hold your niece, letting his Adam’s apple bob in his throat as he gulped before speaking.

“You uh- do you um, want me to hold her? If, um, if she’s heavy.” Javi stammered, trying to maintain his composure watching you cradle Brianna, unable to shake the image of what you would look like holding his baby in your arms, and how desperately he wished it was.

You paused, looking over at Javi, trying not to blush at the awestruck look on his face, knowing he didn’t need to say a single word to hear what was running through his brain, and how much it made you want to say fuck it to your already agreed upon plans to hold out on trying for a baby until after tomorrow and your house was finished. God, at this point, you’d give this man a baby yesterday, every moment he spent with your nieces or the Murphy girls only making your ovaries weaker and weaker at what a good dad you knew he was going to make.

“No, I’m okay. Plus, I think if I watch you hold her, I’m gonna lose any last ounce of self-control that I have.” It was also taking every last ounce of self-control to keep your ridiculously goofy grin from spreading any further across your face than it already was, looking Javi up and down with a little eyebrow raise, watching a smug smirk grow between his cheeks. Leaning in just a little closer, Javi wrapped his arm around your waist, planting a soft kiss in your hair and whispering in your ear.

“And that would be a bad thing because…”

Before you could even respond, you could feel the weight in your arms lessen, Javi reaching across your body to scoop Brianna into his grasp, gently cradling her over his broad shoulder and rubbing her back as she nestled against him with a little sleepy yawn.

“Okay, well that isn’t fair in the slightest, is it?” You playfully pouted, crossing your now freed arms over your chest at Javi, the image of him carrying Brianna turning you closer and closer into a human puddle with every passing second.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Osita.” He smirked, shooting you a quick wink before hoisting Brianna up and wrapping his hand around the back of her head, cuddling her against his chest as he trotted back towards the house, leaving you a dumbfounded, lovestruck, baby craving mess in his wake.

Javi seemed to have no problem testing every last bit of strength you had- carrying Brianna, playing with the girls, being the cutest damn thing you’d ever seen interacting with your nieces and the Murphys? If this was meant to be a test of your strength, you were quickly realizing that you were turning out to be nothing if not a weak, weak woman who needed to make that man father almost as fast as you were about to make him your husband.

As the fluorescent pink and orange sunset began to dip below the horizon, the sky shifting from colorful pastels to star speckled darkness, the festivities of the night were beginning to wind down- As hard as they had tried to fight it, your flower girls had barely made it 5 minutes after getting back from the horse barn before they were asleep in the lawn chairs scattered around the yard, your mom and Connie had finished their 15th round of surveillance to make sure that everything was in place for tomorrow, and your brothers and Steve were about 3 beers deeper than they should have been considering they were going to have to be both coherent and presentable in a few short hours.

As much as you or Javi didn’t really care about the tradition, everyone else had insisted that the two of you spend your last night before the wedding apart- you and the girls at the Peña ranch to make things run more smoothly as you got ready in the morning, and all of the boys and Javi at your new house, now close enough to being completed that it was an option to house people for the night.

The boys began to pile into the party of cars parked in the driveway, ready to transport them back to the house, while the girls had gathered your nieces and the Murphy’s to tuck them into bed, leaving you and Javi the last two out on the patio, the twinkling string lights hanging above the deck shining down on the backyard where tables and chairs lay waiting, ready to be decorated and filled with family and friends for your big day tomorrow. You couldn’t help but let out a quiet, content sigh, gently leaning your head onto Javi’s shoulder as his arm wrapped around your waist, rubbing soft circles into your hip.

“I can’t believe we’re actually gonna get married tomorrow.”

“I know, me either. Fuck, I’m so excited. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. God, I’m the fucking luckiest man alive.” He grinned, his grip digging just a little tighter into your side, playfully shaking you in his grasp.

“I’m gonna miss you tonight and tomorrow morning. I wish the marriage police weren’t on us about not sleeping in the same bed the night before the wedding.” You grumbled, gesturing back towards the house, Javi quietly laughing to himself knowing exactly who you were referring to without even having to say, both your mom and Chucho insisting the two of you indulge them in following through with the idea for “good luck’s sake”, if nothing else.

“I know, baby. Although, I do think it may not be considered good luck to fuck the bride the night before the wedding.”

“Speak for yourself…” The two of you snickered, shaking your heads at your remark.

I’m gonna miss you too, Osita. The day will go by fast, I promise. And the next time I see you,” he paused, gently turning you to face him, his palm cupping your cheek while his sweet chocolate eyes looked you up and down as a goofy grin spread across his face, “you’re gonna be my wife.”

No matter how many times you told it to yourself, it still didn’t quite feel real-

Tomorrow, Javier Peña was going to be your husband.

Your stomach turned and flipped in anxious anticipation, butterflies dancing excitedly in your stomach as you let the looming reality start to sink in more and more, realizing that the day that you had been waiting for since the moment you had met him was so close, that you could almost taste it.

Heat crept through your cheeks as Javi tilted in his head, leaning in to let his lips press against yours, lingering to take in every last bit of you he could as he kissed you, the familiar warmth and taste of him only making your heart beat faster as you tugged him in closer, letting your open mouths slowly turn into a dance of tongue and teeth, melting into each other like you were the only two things in the world that existed.

Well, at least for a moment.

“Javi. Ehhm. Ehhmmmmmm. Javi! Javier!”

The two of you practically jumped out of your skin to see Chucho standing right next to you, completely oblivious to the fact that he had probably been watching the two of you make out much longer than he had wanted to, trying to find a way to capture his lovestruck son’s attention without completely scaring the shit out of you.

“Jesus Christ, Pops!” Javi gasped, eyes going wide as he breathed heavily, his cheeks turning pink as he sheepishly shot his view away from his dad, now standing in front of you with a smug eyebrow raised, arms folded across his chest. “Maybe a warning next time, huh?”

“I tried to. Several times. Dios mío, you two. You can kiss her all you want tomorrow, mijo, but right now, I’m in charge of taking you back, so you can let la novia déjala tener un momento de pez. (the bride have a moment of peace.)” He chuckled, shooting you a quick wink, your face equally as red as Javi’s as Chucho teased him. “Say your goodbyes and then get your ass in the car before I send Steve out to get you, or worse, her dad. Good night, mija, sleep well. Don’t keep him too much longer.” He snickered, giving his soni a few pats on the back before heading back where he came from, leaving you and Javi frozen in embarrassment.

“Fuck me…” Javi whispered under his breath, rubbing his hand over the back of his neck, letting his fingers brush through his dark curls, looking over at you with a guilty pout, “I’m so sorry.”

“Listen… Not the first time, and I’m sure it won’t be the last…” You grimaced, the two of you letting your faces shift from uncomfortable guilt to snickering smirks, shaking your heads at Chucho’s impeccable timing. “Okay, as much as I don’t want to, I should probably let you go before my mom, or even worse, Connie and Steve walk out on us too.”

“Very fair. Un beso mas, por favor (One more kiss, please).”

Gently cradling your cheek, Javi’s hand slid across your jaw, his thumb swiping at the soft skin of your cheek as your lips met in a tender kiss, lingering just long enough to be interrupted by the honk of a car horn blaring from the driveway, desperate for Javi’s attention.

“Something tells me they’re waiting for you.” You teased, pressing up on your tiptoes to kiss Javi on the cheek before resting your head against his chest, tangling your arms around his waist for one last hug before you said goodbye. “I love you, Javi. I’ll see you tomorrow, Mr. Peña.”

“See you tomorrow, Mrs. Peña. I love you, too.” With one last kiss buried in the soft swept curls of your hair and a final squeeze in your embrace, making you giggle and squeal as he picked you up off the ground, shaking you in his grasp.

With another longer and louder honk, Javi reluctantly made his way to the truck, making sure to give you one last look over his shoulder, mouthing one last “I love you” to tide you over into tomorrow as he disappeared to be whisked away by the dads and brothers, the only thing standing in your way of officially becoming Mrs. Peña was the one last sleep that brought you to your wedding day.

While you were surprised, you couldn’t have been more thankful that the ladies residing in the Peña ranch for the night were insistent on making sure you get to bed as soon as possible, leaving you with an extra few hours of quiet, alone time before the big day tomorrow.

You had triple checked you had everything ready and set out, and once you had washed your face, put on your pajamas, and checked everything one more time, you settled into bed, curling up into Javi’s plaid sheets. The familiar and comforting scent of him was still hidden in the bed, the smell just enough to help your eyelids slowly blink heavier and heavier with a soft smile between your cheeks. You couldn’t help but replay the image of walking down the aisle to meet Javi over and over again in your head, picturing his handsome, giddy grin greeting you as he took your hand in his, counting down the moments until “I do” becoming easier than counting sheep. So easy, in fact, that you had fallen asleep in a matter of moments, peacefully drifting to sleep as you waited to be woken by the soft glow of tomorrow’s sunrise.

That’s why you were so surprised when you woke up to what you assumed was the next morning, wondering what time it was if it was still so dark outside, thinking you must have woken up an hour or two early out of anticipation. You rolled over, tossing in the warmth of your sheets to peek at the bright red numbers glowing on the alarm clock next to you.

Well, it was morning, but 1:47 A.M. wasn’t the time you were exactly hoping to see.

The first thing that came to your mind was shock when you saw the blinking red number flash in your face as your eyelids stretched open- how had you only been asleep for 3 hours? The next thing that came to your mind was something that you were not expecting- and that was pure panic.

There was nothing about tomorrow that was making you feel nervous in the slightest. Everything was planned and ready, everyone was excited and happy, and most importantly, you couldn’t be more thrilled to finally get to marry Javi and start the rest of your life together with him.

So why the fuck were you wide awake and anxious as hell?

You let out a groan, stretching your arms above your head as your body tensed, tugging the comforter over your head as you forced your eyelids back shut, willing yourself to fall back asleep. You took a few deep breaths, scrunching your face in frustration as you could feel your body only coming more and more awake, your heart beating faster and faster as you realized falling back asleep wasn’t going to be as easy as you thought.

Maybe I just need to go to the bathroom.

You threw the sheets off your body, groggily stumbling out of bed towards the ensuite attached to Javi’s room. Not even bothering to turn on the lights, you forced yourself to pee in the dark, hoping the lack of light would trick your body into wanting to go back to bed, but it was no use. Getting up to go to the bathroom had only made you more aware of how awake you now were, anxiously pacing back and forth between your bed and the bathroom, trying to think of ways to help you fall back asleep.

2:26 A.M.

The new time you had found yourself reading on the alarm clock was now making your anxiety skyrocket, wondering how you had already been awake for almost a half an hour with no sign of falling back asleep in sight. It also didn’t help that your mind was now beginning to race, the nagging thought of trying to power through tomorrow, the most important day of your life, with only 3 hours of sleep only adding to your stress.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, your leg was bouncing in sync with your rapid heart rate, wondering how the hell you were going to get yourself any sleep before the sun rose. Letting your back flop against the mattress, you let out a huff of frustration, burying your head under all of the pillows on Javi’s bed, desperate to find any remedy to ease you back to sleep. You sat there for a few minutes, but of course, with it being of absolutely zero use, you were back to sitting up, looking around the room for any sort of solution to your sleepless night.

Boring books. Perfect.

Eyeing the shelf across the room, you grabbed the most uninteresting looking book you could find, quickly settling on the well worn copy of The Hobbit, based on sheer volume alone. Clicking on the lamp resting on the nightstand, you let the warm glow of the light illuminate the room, shadows dancing against the walls as you tried to settle back between the sheets, opening up the book and letting your eyes graze back and forth the tiny ink print. Even though you were taking in the words on the page, you knew for a fact it wasn’t even close to actually reading, glancing back and forth at the blaring red number of the alarm clock every 2 minutes, as if you were going to magically will yourself to fall asleep and make it morning.

After a failed half hour of staring at the book, you now felt even more frustrated than before, feeling the panicked tears beginning to well in your eyes as the clock crept close to 3:00 AM and you were wide awake as ever. Burying your head in your hands, you could feel your chest growing heavier with each deep breath, slowly feeling like a pile of bricks had been set on top of you as you began to sob quietly, feeling the inevitable panic and defeat wash over you.

You weren’t falling back asleep.

As you rolled over to face the cold and empty half of your bed, you wished with every bone in your body that Javi was there next to you, able to pull you close and promise you that everything was going to be okay, and even if it wasn’t, at least you’d have him there with you instead of the empty and lonely void of his dark childhood bedroom.

At this point, the thought of even just hearing his voice seemed like it may provide you with some relief, but the last thing you wanted to do was wake Javi up and have him suffer sleeplessly with you. But right now, it seemed like the only thing in the world that was going to make you feel any ounce of better was hearing Javi’s voice lull you back to sleep, showering you with reassurance that you’d be okay before the big day tomorrow.

You sat up, wiping the tears streaming down your cheeks with the back of your hand, getting out of bed to nervously pace back and forth across the room, debating the idea of calling Javi as a last resort for sleep before sunrise.

The war of pros and cons raged in your mind with each anxious step across the worn, creaky floor, arguing with yourself about calling Javi at the ripe hours of 3:00 AM to cure your desperate need for sleep. For as terrible as you felt about waking him up, you found yourself quietly creeping down the hallway, closer and closer to the phone tucked away in the kitchen, your fingers gently punching the digits to his phone number and bringing the phone to your ear, nestling it between your neck and shoulder as you impatiently chewed at your bottom lip so hard you were convinced it was going to bleed.

You were in shock that you were in such a panic to the point you were about to wake up your future husband in the middle of the night, only hours before the day of your wedding, but what shocked you more, was that you heard Javi’s voice answer his phone halfway through the first dial tone, and he sounded just as wide awake as you.

“Osita? Baby, are you okay? Is everything alright?” Obviously worried by your 3:00 AM phone call, you could also hear the worry and stress rumbling low in his chest as he spoke, the relief of finally hearing his voice bringing even more tears to your eyes as the reality of the situation only sank deeper and deeper into your conscious.

“Javi, I- I’m really sorry, I didn’t wanna wake you up, but I- I just- I’m wide awake and I’ve been up for like, 2 hours and can’t fall back asleep and didn’t know what to do, I tried everything and I-” You paused, trying to stop the sniffling through your sobs to hear the muffled response on the other end of the line. “Jav, are you- Javi are you laughing?”

“Yeah, because I can’t fucking sleep either.” He quietly chuckled, his admittance suddenly lifting a weight off your shoulders, realizing that you weren't crazy for being wired and wide awake the night before your wedding. “I’m sorry, I promise I’m not laughing at you, Hermosa, I’ve been up for a while too and I can’t fucking fall back asleep. I can’t believe that you’re up too.”

“Wow, lucky us.” You snickered, smiling at Javi’s muted laughter through the other end of the phone. “I miss you, Jav. I wish you were here. I’m convinced that’s the only thing that’s gonna help me fall back asleep.” You paused again, this time with no response from Javi, cocking your head in confusion as you listened to the rustling and shuffling from the other end of the line. “Jav? Are you there?”

“I’ll be over in 15 minutes.”

“Wait, what?” You responded, scrunching your brow, wondering if you had heard him correctly. “Javi, are you sure? It’s already so late and I-”

“Listen, I would like to think it’s way worse luck for the bride and groom not to get any goddamn sleep the night before their wedding than it is for them to sleep in the same bed. We can just talk on the phone if you don’t want me to, but-”

“Javier Peña, you better get your handsome ass over here ASAP.”

The two of you quietly laughed to yourselves, feeling your cheeks warm in a soft smile, an instant calm flooding your body at the thought that you were only minutes away from having Javi by your side, knowing even if you couldn't sleep, your night would be a lot less lonely with him there with you.

“Wait, how are you gonna get here without waking everyone up?”

“Not my first time sneaking out, Osita.” You giggled at his response, practically hearing his smug smirk through the phone.

“Sneaking into your childhood bedroom the night before your wedding? And they say true love is dead. Don’t keep me waiting, Romeo.”

“God, you’re such a dork. I love you. I’ll be there soon.”

“I love you too. See you soon.”

As the dial tone went silent, you hung the phone back on the receiver, leaning back against the wall of the kitchen, letting out a sigh of relief, you felt the anxious weight off your chest lift, the racing of your heart shifting from stress to sweet solace.

At least if you weren’t going to sleep, you weren’t going to have to do it alone.

Quietly, you tiptoed back into your room, carefully treading across the creaky and worn wood planks of the ranch floor to avoid squeaks, shutting the door behind you as you made it back to the bed, resting your head against the windowsill as you patiently waited for the familiar rumble of Javi’s truck treading down the driveway.

It wasn’t long before the bright flash of headlights shone through the panes of your window, illuminating your room and casting shifting shadows against the walls, the crackling gravel crunching under Javi’s truck tires coming to a halt as his car parked along the side of the house. The gentle slam of the car door shutting made your heart skip a beat as you cracked open your window, peaking your head outside to see Javi’s broad figure sneaking towards you through the darkness.

“Well, fancy seeing you here.” You snickered, gently pushing open the window for Javi, scooting out of his way as he hoisted himself up through the frame, letting out a little grunt as he flopped over into the bedroom. As he stood up, he immediately wrapped his arms around you, one around your waist tugging you closer to him, and the other cradling the back of your head as you rested it against his chest.

You weren’t quite sure what it was- his familiar scent, his warm embrace, the feeling of home being wrapped up in his presence, but whatever it was, it had every single emotion that had been bubbling up inside you since 1 A.M. coming to fruition, instantly beginning to sob tears mixed with relief, stress and overwhelming exhaustion the second your head met the soft cotton fabric of the t-shirt laying over his chest.

“Hey, hey, baby, it’s okay. It’s okay, I’m right here, I’ve got you. Shhhhhh, don’t cry Hermosa, it’s okay.” Javi whispered, pulling you closer to him, running his fingers through your hair and leaning down to press a kiss on your head, holding you while you let everything out.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t wanna spend the night before we got married waking you up at 3:00 in the morning just because I couldn’t sleep.” You muttered through your shaky breaths in between tears clinging onto Javi’s shirt, feeling the wetness pool on the cotton where your head had been resting.

“Osita, baby, look at me.” Javi paused, peeling you off of him just enough to force your gaze on him, his hand now cupping your jaw while his thumb rubbed against your cheek, wiping away your tears to see his soft, sweet smile staring back at you. “I don’t care. I don’t care if you wake me up at 1 A.M., 3 A.M., whenever the fuck you wanna wake me up, because today, I get to wake up knowing I get to spend the rest of my life with you. I get to spend the rest of my life as your husband. I get to fucking marry you. I think that’s worth a lifetime’s worth of 3 A.M. wakeup calls. C’mere.” He cooed, carefully picking you up and carrying you over to bed, laying you in the sea of sheets and blankets before climbing in himself and nestling up next to you, his hand splayed along your back, tracing small circles with his fingertips while your arm draped across his stomach as you laid on top of him, snuggling as close as you could into his body.

“Thank you.” You whispered, your warm breath tickling Javi’s neck as you nestled your face in his shoulder, the faint thumping of his heartbeat syncing with yours as your breaths became longer and deeper in Javi’s embrace.

“For what, baby?”

“For being the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Javi couldn’t help but quietly laugh to himself, a smile spreading across his face as he looked down at you, curled against his body, watching your eyelids start to droop heavier and heavier with each blink, the telltale signs of sleep slowly beginning to wash over you the moment you were finally snuggled up next to him. It was as if your brain and body knew all you needed was to have him beside you to send you off into slumber.

“Thank you for making me the luckiest man in the world.”

Even as you felt yourself starting to drift in and out of consciousness, you could still feel the heat creeping through your cheeks, a soft smile pursed between your lips, wrapped in the warmth of Javi’s body pulling you closer.

“Can you believe we’re getting married tomorrow?”

“Even better, Hermosa, we’re getting married today.”

“I keep forgetting it’s way past midnight at this point, holy shit. Happy wedding day, you goofball,” You paused, letting a prolonged yawn escape from your mouth before letting your eyes fall all the way shut, “I wouldn’t wanna spend the rest of my 3 A.M.’s with anyone else but you. Te amo, Javi.”

“Te amo más, Osita. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“Even when we’re old and gray and I have saggy boobs?” You giggled, another yawn disrupting your sleepy laughter as Javi gently shook you in his grasp, lovingly rolling his eyes at your remark.

“Especially when we’re old and gray, no matter how saggy your boobs are.”

“You’re about to make a life long commitment here, Jav, you gotta love me when I’m old, senile and saggy, no backin’ out now.” You teased, only making the two of you snicker more.

“I will love everything about you for as long as I live, pendejo, saggy boobs and all.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

A promise that had granted you permission to finally put your body at ease, sleep washing over you in soft and rolling waves with each inhale and exhale pressed against Javi’s chest, slowly fading into slumber without even realizing.

It wasn’t until the golden glow of sunrise began to spill through your windows that you found yourself stirring once again, squinting at the beaming rays bursting into your room and willing yourself awake, flooded with relief that it wasn’t the dead of night that had greeted you. Rolling your shoulders and stretching your limbs, you forced yourself through your sleepy fog, shifting over to face Javi’s side of the bed.

“Good morning, sleepyhead. Thank God it’s actually morning. Jav? Javi?” Flopping over, you woke to find Javi’s space empty, his broad frame and sleepy smile nowhere to be found to kiss good morning and greet. Sitting up, you peeked across the room to find the bathroom empty, and the window you had left open last night closed shut, Javi’s truck no longer parked in the driveway, disappearing like a thief in the night. Looking back over at the tangled sea of sheets left on his side of the bed, a bright yellow post-it note caught your eye, carefully placed on top of his pillow, taking his place in his absence.

Reaching over with another yawn and stretch, you carefully picked up the paper, hovering it over the goofy grin on your face that had made its home there the second you had seen Javi’s scratchy writing scribbled across the bright yellow note.

Morning Hermosa,

Sorry I left without saying goodbye, figured it was easier if I was gone before everyone woke up and spare us the grief of everyone giving us shit for spending the night together. I know you’re sleeping good because I woke up 3 inches of bed and barley any sheets, since you were buried in a nest so deep I’m convinced you were hibernating.

Even when you steal all the blankets, I couldn’t be more thankful that I get to spend the rest of my life with you. You are my heart, my soul, everything I never knew I need and am so glad I found. I can’t stop thinking about how beautiful you’re gonna look today. How lucky I am that you’re gonna be my wife. I love you so much, Osita. Till we’re old and gray.

Let’s get fuckin’ married, baby

-J

What you were convinced were the first of many tears today beginning to well in your eyes, one little yellow post-it from your future husband had your heart already bursting at the seams.

In all your years of life, there had been few things you had found yourself absolutely sure of. Life had thrown you more curveballs than you ever thought you could manage, and you had been more than happy to put yourself down and out for the count. That was until a tall, handsome stranger threw you the biggest curveball you could have never prepared for- that for once in your life, you were finally sure of something.

You loved Javier Peña more than life itself. And today?

You were gonna marry the shit out of him.

@cool-iguana @rhoorl @whyjuliaaa @bbiophiliaa @pertinentpostmortem @angelofsmalldeath-codeine @pedrobaby @fatima-marisa @beboldbebravethings @poodlebae @kittenlittle24 @3sriracha @jungchloee @perennialdoll247 @prettyinpunk85 @partyofone3413 @harriedandharassed @pedrohoe04 @theorganasolo @endlessthxxghts @beware-my-thorns @missladym1981 @messinadress @milly-louise @jay-zzle @the-one-with-the-grey-color @persephone-girl @bitchesuntitled @pedropascallvr @millennial-teenybopper @nastiasnow @vee-bees-blog @hopplessilse @mxtokko @its-nebuleuse @mandoisapunk @msmorningstaarr @amyispxnk @honeyedmiller @mountainsandmayhem @picketniffler @burningnerdchild

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laurfilijames · 5 months

Text

All I Want...

Pairing: Will Miller x reader

Words: 1.3k

Warnings: Angst. Swearing. PTSD. Panic attack. Mentions of an unhappy childhood, military service, personnel being KIA. Tom's death. Grief. People being unhappy at Christmas. (There's some fluff too, bear with me!)

Summary: Will tries to fight off a panic attack early on Christmas morning, his unenthusiastic feelings toward the holiday making him feel guilty on top of everything else on his mind, only to be reminded that it's okay to not feel festive and that he's not alone.

A/N: I'll be the first one to admit that Christmas isn't all it's cracked up to be sometimes. People often call me Scrooge, but I've learned over the years to prioritize my mental health around the holidays and take it all in stride. To those who struggle in any kind of way this time of year, I see you, and this is for you.

This fic follows some of my headcanons about the Miller brothers in that they didn't have a great upbringing, and that Will often suffers from poor sleep and panic attacks.

---

Scrooge. The Grinch.

These were some of the names bestowed upon Will over the years, his less than enthusiastic feelings toward Christmas noticed and pointed out as often as possible during the holiday season by those closest to him, mainly Benny.

It was innocent enough, his brother, Fish and Pope all aware and understanding to the reasons why Will wasn’t overly excited, but sometimes it got under his skin and the temptation to tell Ben to fuck off sat on the tip of his tongue on more than one occasion when he got going on a roll of teasing him.

He always tried his best to keep his opinions to himself, not caring to bring it up in order to avoid the shock and disbelief that someone could hate Christmas, having to stand and painfully listen to whoever was scolding his humbug ways try to convert him and preach all the reasons why it was so magical.

He had been this way for as long as he could remember, the earliest memories of an unhappy Christmas morning tucked away in the back of his mind until they inevitably were pushed back to the surface each time the radio stations turned their usual music to all the annoying holiday songs and people started asking the mundane “Are you ready for Christmas?” questions to everyone who never wanted to give an honest answer. He could always see the stress most people carried with them this time of year, the worry of spending money they didn’t have and not meeting expectations evident on their faces as they frantically rushed around to get all the things ticked off their lists to make the day ‘perfect’.

Perfect was never a word Will would use to describe any of his past Christmases, the thought making him scoff and shake his head as he looked up at the night sky, counting the stars as a way to try to clear the persistent thoughts that had gotten him out of bed at 3:26 AM.

Vivid images that he had tried to blur and forget always reappeared no matter how hard he tried; his parents yelling from the kitchen loud enough he had to peel Benny and his one toy from under the tree to go outside to get away from the anger, not to mention the countless Christmas mornings he woke up to gunfire or spent the day trudging through the rain and freezing cold, or had sweat clinging to his back in the heat of the desert, more often than not spending December 25th on tour and deployed somewhere that mimicked hell.

Will couldn’t help but feel guilt more than usual on days like today, thinking of all the families whose sons or daughters, husbands or wives and everything between never made it home to celebrate another Christmas with them, that shame becoming part of the reason he tended to make sure he was always off serving somewhere, not feeling like he deserved to be in the warm comforts of home with those he loved.

Add that to the long list of things his ex resented him for, one more thing he could never do right, and something else she refused to make an effort to understand despite him trying to explain it.

Today it seemed to all weigh more than it normally did.

Tom’s death was still fresh in all their minds, this being the first Christmas Molly and the girls would have to spend without him, and the thought of their irreparable grief made Will want to crumble.

He exhaled a long breath, blowing it out shakily from his lungs, his chest feeling tight as his heart pounded inside it like a caged animal.

He inhaled as slowly as he could manage, one, two, three, counting in his head to gain control over the quickly rising panic.

Exhaling out, one, two, three, his heart still hammering, his pulse furiously thrumming in his neck.

His hand shook as he lifted it up to rub the back of his neck roughly, feeling sweat accumulating on it and dampening his palm that was equally wet.

The steadiness of the number of seconds between each laboured breath was doing little to keep him calm, the thoughts of his conversation with you a couple of days prior echoing in his mind to drown them out along with the ringing in his ears.

You swore up and down a hundred times that you were fine with not celebrating, assuring him that you were relieved to not make a fuss over Christmas and reminding him that your own views of it were also plagued by unhappy memories; that being alone with him was more a gift than anything wrapped in paper and bows under a tree. He knew you meant it when you said you wanted to hide away with him until the madness of it all was over, but now his mind was playing tricks on him, making him doubt your words and sending him into a tailspin over projecting his attitude toward it on you.

But he knew you wouldn’t lie to him.

He kept on that train of thought as his fingers wrapped around the railing on the deck, gripping into the wood as hard as he could, feeling the splintered pieces from years of weather digging into his skin. Drawing in another short breath and gasping slightly, he did his best to remember why he came outside in the first place, seeking fresh air that ironically had become suffocating.

One, two, three, he repeated to himself again, closing his eyes to better focus on slowing his breathing down.

A minute and thirty-seven seconds had passed with him concentrating, able to let the consistency of the numbers aid him as he continued to count, the feel of your warm hands slipping up his cold, clammy back allowing him to finally release the tension he had been holding in his shoulders.

“I’m okay,” he muttered, his voice lacking the conviction he hoped it had.

“I never thought you weren’t,” you whispered, your hands still pressing reassuringly on his torso as you moved beside him, your lips meeting his shoulder to kiss it twice.

Will smiled, grateful for your belief in him, never making him feel weak or like he needed saving, simply there with a love and empathy he had sought his whole life.

He released his grip on the rail and glanced over at you, shooting you a weak smile gathering you in his arms for a hug, kissing the top of your head appreciatively while you continued to rub your hands in a calming, languid pattern across his skin.

“I love you,” he murmured, feeling his heart beat in a stronger rhythm different from how it had moments ago.

“I love you too, Will,” your lips moved against his chest, your arms squeezing him a little tighter as you pressed yourself closer to his body.

“You’re sure you’re happy to spend Christmas this way?”

“More than happy,” you reiterated, pulling your face away to look at him, his blue eyes like flames against the deep navy of the night sky.

“Okay,” he sighed, leaning in to kiss you.

“You know there’s that song, ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’,” you smiled, watching his expression change, his grin stretching out to form the creases in his cheeks as he shook his head.

“Please don’t sing it.”

“I wouldn’t dare.”

Will chuckled and kissed you again, slowly, his tongue slipping into your mouth with a gentle demand.

“Let’s get back to bed,” he said quietly, nodding toward the house after he broke the seal of your lips.

As he led you into the house, your fingers laced with his, he thought how maybe he could find ways to celebrate Christmas with you that wouldn’t make it all seem so terrible, the idea of creating your own traditions somewhat exciting to him.

He smiled at you over his shoulder, stopping in the middle of the hallway where he clasped your face in his hands and kissed you deeply, his body pressing into yours with a need to show you just how much you meant to him, knowing that as long as he was with you he could face anything.

---

Comments and reblogs are always appreciated and if you'd like to be added or removed from my taglist please let me know! 💗

Taglist: @sotwk @dailydragon08 @sunnys-day @thedreadandthefugitivemind @glassgulls @littlenosoul @glitterypirateduck @momia2910 @maggotzombie @rmwarn90 @paintlavillered @casa-boiardi @stealfromthedevil @kmc1989

#will miller #triple frontier #will miller x reader #charlie hunnam #will 'ironhead' miller #will miller fic #triple frontier fic #charlie hunnam characters

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kteezy997 · 5 months

Text

The Candy Man-Part Eight//W.W.

warnings/info: Wonka family fluff, mention of secret sex room at the chocolate factory

A few months later…

It was all coming together. Willy worked day and night, creating the chocolate factory, all while coming home late and still helping with the babies. Your man barely slept, and you knew he was tired, but he was determined to create the most spectacular chocolate factory that the world had ever seen. You were just glad that he had hired an entire staff to help him, so he wasn't doing it all on his own.

Finally, he allowed you to come and work with him as well. He didn't want you to go back to work too soon after giving birth. But you insisted that you were ready.

The first day, you brought the babies along to see their father's work. They had grown so much. They were crawling everywhere, and so interested in the world around them. Their hair had thickened and become curlier, and they had plump, healthy little bodies. Maple was sweet and cuddly, and you were able to tie her hair up into tiny ponytails on the top of her head. Mocha was sweet too, but he could be a little too adventurous, almost to the point of getting into mischief.

You carried Mae and Willy carried Mocha into the chocolate room. This room was going to be special; you could tell by the way Willy had talked so excitedly about it.

"Alright, it's just behind this door." he said, turning the handle. He looked at you, biting his lip.

The door opened, and you didn't know where to put your eyes. The room was vast, with vibrant colors. Lush green grass, giant mushrooms with whipped cream spots, edible flowers of all shapes and sizes, and trees that rained gumballs. And trees adorned with giant gummy bears as well as multi-colored candy canes. The walking path was a rainbow of lights under your feet.

"Everything you see is edible, y/n." he said, setting Mocha down to explore.

However, the most jaw-dropping thing was the centerpiece chocolate river that flowed all through the room.

You were speechless, it took you a moment to really take it all in.

Willy took Mae from you, letting her join her brother in chewing on the candy grass.

"Willy...this is incredible. It's like nothing I've ever seen."

He came over to you, taking you in his arms. He kissed you, smiling softly as he pulled away. "It's all I ever wanted for myself, but I did it even bigger because of you and the babies. You, my family, are my biggest inspiration."

Your heart melted, and your eyes welled up with happy tears. "Oh, Willy, we are so lucky to have you. You work so hard, and we are so proud of you." you looked around the room again, "This is like a dream."

"It's just Pure Imagination, my love." he looked into your eyes, "Come with me." he said with a nod. He picked up both of the babies and started a stroll through the candy room.

You were delighted to follow them, and watch your children ooh and ahh at their father's creations. All the while, Willy sang his little tune, which he used a lot at home with kids, "Pure Imagination." His voice was so angelic. Maple and Mocha were mesmerized every time their father sang. You were certain your children would know the song by heart by the time they started to talk in full sentences. He had been singing it to them since they were still in the womb, after all.

You could see your future. Your curly headed kids growing and running amuck through daddy's factory. Willy would let them have all the sugar that they wanted, within reason, of course.

Now that Mr. Hudson had granted you a divorce, you had a vision of a magical wedding with Willy, sans candy. Sugary treats were your life with Willy, but you were both happy having a traditional wedding without all the busy colors that came with your Wonka treats. Mocha was the ring bearer and Mae the flower girl. It would be absolutely perfect; a day full of pure love.

.............

One evening, Willy came home, all excited. "Honey, your office is ready. Let me show you." he said, grinning widely and taking your hand.

"Whoa, whoa, Willy, who is going to watch the kids?" you giggled.

"Oh, I've got that covered." he said confidently, opening the front door of your home to reveal Noodle and her mother, Dorothy.

"Hey, y/n!" said Noodle, her eyes already searching for the little ones she adored. Once she spotted them in the living room, she ran to them immediately.

You greeted sweet Dorothy, thanking her for babysitting as well, and then you and Willy were off to the factory.

…….

Willy showed you your new office, and it was spacious and cozy. It was the perfect workstation! He even took the time to put up a couple of photos of the twins on your desk, as well as a vase of fresh flowers for you.

But he was more excited to show you something else. He led you to another room just down the way from your office. He put in a secret code that was several digits long. “Alright, my love, I hope you like this.” he smirked.

You walked in, seeing a queen-sized bed in the middle of the room and suddenly you were realizing what this room was meant for. There were big jars of different chocolates and candies all along the walls. Large ropes of red licorice hung on hooks. There were oversized candy canes as well.

“Wow. You continue to surprise me, Mr. Wonka.” you said, in awe of the…playroom.

“The walls are stone, of course, so no one can hear what goes on in this room.” Willy took your hands, “Honey, there are things that I want to experiment with, but just for us two. I hope you’re comfortable going on this…sexual journey with me?”

“Oh, yes, Willy, of course!” You kissed him, “I can’t believe you went to such lengths for me. It's so sexy. I love you, baby.” you then nuzzled your nose against his.

“You know that there’s no limit to what I’d do to please you. It’s my life’s work, darling. Well, after being a good husband and father, and making chocolate of course.”

“Wait, Willy, we’re not married.” you giggled.

Willy’s eyes widened, “Oh yes, that’s right. I forgot.” Then, he got down on one knee, "Y/n, will you marry me?" He presented you with a little jewelry box, opened it, revealing a beautiful diamond ring.

You gasped, without even thinking, you blurted out, "Yes!"

Willy smiled from ear to ear, slid the ring on your fourth finger on your left hand and shot up to his feet to hug you.

You were lifted off of your feet by him, and you cried tears of joy as he spun you around with glee.

"You're gonna be Mrs. Wonka!" Willy cheered.

@gatoenlaciudad @thebetawolfgirl @musicandbooksaremyhappyplace @tchalamss @softhecreator @bitchyunknownuser @lixzey @kpopgirlbtssvt

#timothée chalamet #timmy chalamet #timothee x reader #timothée imagine #timothee chalamet smut #willy wonka #willy wonka x reader #wonka #wonka fanfic

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lowkeyrobin · 1 month

Note

hiii! could you write an mcyt x reader that's like, going outside at night? idrk how to explain it lol, like going to the woods at night or somethin? tyyyy!!! :3

yeah sure!! hopefully I understood this correctly ; thanks for requesting, hope you enjoy!

MCYT ; walk in the dark

includes ; tommyinnit, ranboo, tubbo, badlinu, nihachu & quackity

warnings ; language, mentions of drunk tubbo

masterlist

TOMMYINNIT

he's halfway scared of the dark, mostly because he doesn't know what's in it

he'll happily go on walks with you

"to protect you" though (we know that's a lie, he's the one who needs protecting)

he finds the chilly air and the gust against the trees kinda therapeutic

he understands why you go out so late lol

he'll often share an airpod with you so you can listen to some nice music as well

all fun and games til sabrina carpenter starts playing and you start singing along to feather and espresso

TUBBO

nah he's gotta be drunk to go out in the woods that late at night

scared of bears and/or people because it's a public space

he just doesn't wanna get eaten today, he has a tubbothon to stream man

he streams those walks with you when it's during those streams though ofc

the whole chats trying to gaslight him into thinking there's a bear 💀

you often shittily sing some corny 2000s songs and throw around sticks and rocks

RANBOO

didn't get the hype at first but will happily jump up from whatever they're doing to go with you

so therapeutic, they like the quietness and having a flashlight to guide their path like a horror game where probably nothing will happen

you often take flash selfies and post them when you're out as well

sometimes you edit them before posting and add something to the background, super subtle but noticeable to make the commenters freak out lol

they started believing it too much so you drew a ghost behind you to taunt them lol

loves the internet break though, he loves breathing the fresh air and feeling nature at his fingers

FREDDIE BADLINU

bros got a tent and everything just in case /j

also enjoys the internet break and spending quiet time with you as you walk

he collects rocks that he thinks look cool?

he finds a giant stick every time and uses it like a walking stick

30yo dad core

you also share airpods to listen to music

no judging if there's any crying, get those emotions out dude

counts all the squirrels he sees roaming around lol

"that's like the eighth one I've seen in the past five minutes!"

NIKI NIHACHU

finds it super therapeutic

straight up leaves her phone at her desk

flashlight and granola bar only

she always finds some cute little critter to look at before it runs away

plucks literally any flower and hands you a bouquet of them on the way home

"Oh my God, feel this rock!"

"my tryphobia is aching right now"

ALEX QUACKITY

fake hates it

he likes the music but he doesn't like fearing what's in the dark

"what if there's a bear??? or a raccoon!?"

"what's a raccoon gonna do to you?"

"eat me!"

likes touching everything he can get his hands on

also finds it nice and kinda thereupitic

opens up about his day and everything

peak hugging time

lots of selfies

he found a dead possum once and almost threw up

#lowkeyrobin #mcyt x reader #mcyt preferences #mcyt oneshot #tommyinnit x reader #tubbo x reader #ranboo x reader #freddie badlinu x reader #badlinu x reader #niki nihachu x reader #nihachu x reader #alex quackity x reader #quackity x reader #gender neutral reader #gn reader #they/them reader #gn! reader

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nowritingonthewall · 3 months

Text

Let me take your hand

Fandom: Star Wars

Character(s): modern!AU Poe, Shara Bey and Kes Dameron

Pairing: Poe Dameron x gn!reader

Summary: Sometimes all you need to make the pain a little more bearable is someone to take your hand, hold you gently, kiss you softly and tell you that they love you.

Words: 6900

Warnings: Hurt/comfort with a lot of hurt (!) in the beginning, aftermath of losing a parent (please please please don’t read if you fear that you might not be able to bear reading this!), reader celebrates Christmas, kind of spoilery if you haven’t read “Free Fall”

A/N: This was supposed to be a cute little spin-off of another Christmas story that spiralled completely out of control. 2023 was the third Christmas with this story living rent free in my mind and I was really determined to finally write and finish it this time before becoming really sick for two months. Even though it’s nearly Easter I hope that maybe one or two of you might still like it <3

As always, I apologize for not being a native speaker.

Christmas used to be Poe’s favourite time of the year.

There were presents, bright sparkling lights all over the city, the smell of freshly baked cookies, joyful songs on the radio, people being so much kinder than usual, chocolate glazed koyo berries and most importantly: both of his parents would be at home. Because Christmas was sacred.

Sure, presents were nice and everything, but sneaking into his parents’ bedroom before dawn on Christmas Morning, cuddling up to them under their warm blankets, lying safe and snug between them in a huge loving hug sandwich, knowing that for once there was no rush to get up and nothing to worry about because the day belonged to no one but their family?

There was nothing in Poe’s whole world that would ever be able to beat that.

Christmas was his favourite thing in the entire universe.

Even his very first memory was created on Christmas Eve. Shara and Kes would dance together at every possible (and impossible) opportunity they got, but that very first dance in the light of their Christmas tree on Christmas Eve was special.

It was as special to them as the song that had to accompany their dance: 'Let Me Take Your Hand' by Hera and the Rebels.

It was the song that had played on an old record player when they had met in an airplane hangar for the very first time. It had played when they had shared their first kiss, when Kes had proposed to his beloved Shara, when they had their first dance at their wedding, and when Shara had told Kes with happy tears in her eyes that they were going to be parents.

Music like a tender hug wrapping its loving arms around you, caressing your soul and soothing your heart, leaving you feeling like nothing in the world could ever hurt you.

Would you let me take your hand

And hold you gently

And kiss you softly

If I said I loved you

That Christmas Eve, as his parents began to sway in tune with the first few bars of the old forty-five crackling over the loud speakers, little Poe had no idea that he had just become part of a very long and love-filled Dameron Christmas tradition.

He was simply the happiest little boy, cuddled against his Dad’s chest, who held him gently yet safely close to his heart. With his Mom taking his hands in hers and making funny faces at him while singing along to the music, his eyes sparkled even brighter than the lights of the Christmas decorations around him.

As soon as the song was over, he wiggled his tiny feet and clapped his little hands in excitement, squealing giddily, “‘gain pwease!”

And his parents didn’t mind at all. With the record playing over and over again, they took turns kissing each other and placing the softest of kisses on their son’s forehead, cooing how much they loved him.

Poe couldn’t get enough of it.

On his eighth Christmas Eve, as Poe clung to Shara’s leg during their dance, he decided that part of him couldn’t wait to grow up and find his special someone to dance to their song. He vividly imagined how he would look at them the same way as Kes was looking at Shara.

Of course, his parents would still be there and enjoy dancing right next to him. He would do a show of being embarrassed when his Mom would try to ruffle his hair, because for some weird reason, grown-ups were supposed to hate it, even though he wouldn’t actually mind at all. And his Mom and Dad would love you nearly as much as he would and his parents would be so happy for their son to carry on their Christmas tradition.

If only he had known. If only he had known that this would be the very last Christmas with his Mom. Maybe he would have clung to her a little tighter, maybe he wouldn’t have nicked quite so many Christmas cookies, maybe he would have told her how much he loved her just one more time.

But then again, if he had known, it probably wouldn’t have been the most wonderful Christmas ever or the last time that he could remember his Dad looking truly happy before everything changed forever.

Only a year later it was hard to believe that any of those beautiful memories had been real at all.

Despite his insurmountable grief, Kes had tried his best to make this Christmas as magical for his son as it used to be. It was just that he had never quite gotten the hang of how Shara had always managed to make the Christmas tree and their apartment look so beautiful and festive and welcoming. And no matter how many Christmas lights he would string or how many candles he would light, it seemed like all their warmth and brightness had left when Shara did.

It was the night before their first Christmas without his Mom when Poe woke up to the most desperate stifled sobs coming from the living room. Full of worry, he stumbled out of bed and through the flat, the sinking feeling in his tummy growing heavier with each step of his bare feet on the ice cold floor tiles.

When he reached the door to the living room, the picture unfolding in front of him nearly tore is heart apart: The hunched over figure of his Dad lying under the Christmas tree, face hidden behind his hands, crying so violently his whole body was shaking.

Before even being able to form a single coherent thought, Poe had already crouched down on the floor right next to his Dad, trying to pull him into a hug – just like he knew his Mom would have done to comfort him.

His arms didn’t quite reach all the way around the package that his Dad had folded himself into but Poe tried to make up for it by pouring all the softness and warmth and tenderness from his big little heart into his words when he said, “I love you, Daddy! It’s gonna be okay!”

His Dad didn’t react. So Poe tried again, squeezing him even tighter this time but all it drew from Kes was another heart-wrenching sob.

But Poe wasn’t going to give up that easily. After all, just because his Mom wasn’t here with them in person, it didn’t mean that she didn’t celebrate Christmas with them. And if she was looking down at them from her cloud in Heaven among all the most beautiful angels in the universe (because there was no doubt for Poe, that’s exactly where his Mom would be), it would surely break her heart to see her two boys crying on Christmas Eve. And he couldn’t let his Mom down, could he? Not at Christmas.

And there was one thing left to try.

Hurrying over to the record player, he found what he was looking for exactly where his Mom had stored it away neatly last year. Ever so carefully, as if handling the most precious item in the world, he let the record slide out of its sleeve and placed it on the turntable. Slowly and gently, just like his Mom had taught him, he lowered the tone arm before turning back to his Dad.

With the first few soft sounds floating across the room, Kes finally raised his head, looking up to where his son stood, holding out his hand for his Dad. As he slowly got on his feet, Poe took a step towards him and tried his best to put on a brave smile, his eyes encouraging and full of hope.

Kes looked at his son. And he looked at the record player. Then he walked straight past his son and with a cry of agony that made Poe stumble backwards with a start, Kes tore the record off the turntable and threw it to the ground with enough force to break it into a thousand pieces. Yet they were nothing compared to the millions of pieces that little Poe’s heart shattered into at this very moment.

As his father stormed out of the room, Poe kept staring at the broken remnants of the last happy memory of his family. Trying to understand what on earth had just happened. What had he done wrong?

Maybe it was the shock, maybe it was the confusion, but he didn’t even notice how he began to shiver as the cold crawled up from the floor over his bare feet and under his thin pyjamas. Until he could no longer tell whether the numbness creeping into his heart and soul came from the cold or the growing ache in his chest. He had never felt more lost or lonely in his entire life.

For the briefest of moments, he wondered whether it would be possible to glue the pieces back together again. But as he knelt down and began to pick them up slowly, one by one, that last flicker of hope was extinguished quickly.

As he pondered over what to do, he spotted the stack of Christmas napkins that his Mom had bought last year, after Poe had insisted that the teddy bear pictured on them looked just like his beloved plushie Mr. Beebs. He had spent hours sitting right next to her, learning how to fold them into the most intricate shapes, just like his Mom had done, until he had declared excitedly that his Mom would never have to worry about folding a set of napkins for their guests ever again because now she had Poe to take care of that. Taking one of the napkins from the stack now, he could vividly remember the fondness in her eyes as her smile had outshone his proud little grin.

After spreading the napkin out on the floor, he piled the pieces of the record up onto it, carefully and gently, until even the tiniest of pieces had been accounted for. Looking around the room for something to tie the napkin bundle up with, his gaze fell upon Mr. Beebs sitting on the couch with his tiny bow tie around his neck. It didn’t seem right to take it, but Poe apologized to his teddy and promised that he would only borrow it for a little while.

Having the napkin tied neatly together, he got up off the floor, taking one last look at the Christmas tree. A source of warmth and comfort for as long as he could remember, its lights and decorations almost seemed like they were mocking him now. As his eyes began to wander along its branches, his gaze came to rest on the star at the top of the tree.

“I am sorry, Mommy,” he whispered.

As Poe held the napkin bundle gently against his heart, the tears began to fall. Unseen and in silence, yet hot and burning.

He was still clutching the little bundle to his chest when he found himself crying quietly in his bed a little later. He held it even tighter when he could hear the soft footsteps of his father approaching.

“Poe?” Kes’ voice was so gentle, it was barely audible to his son.

“Poey, sweetheart… I am sorry! I am… I am so so so sorry!”

Staring at the wall in front of him, Poe couldn’t see how his father’s tears over losing the love of his life had turned into tears over the fear of losing his son. He couldn’t see how his father reached out his hand towards him, only to hesitate at the very last moment, too afraid that he would just make things worse.

He couldn’t see how Kes longed for nothing more than to hug Poe close to his heart and never let him go again, desperate to find a way to comfort his son without subjecting him to his own soul crushing pain.

All he could see, over and over again, was that moment when his father walked right past him to smash their record to pieces.

His father didn’t want to take his hand.

Determined that he didn’t want Kes to see him cry, Poe pulled the covers over his head. And just like he had wrapped the napkin around the broken pieces of the record, Poe could feel something else wrapping itself around his heart. Not nearly as gentle and careful, but way harder and tighter and indefinitely more painful.

His father didn’t want to take his hand.

It was the last time that either of them acknowledged the song. It was the last time that music was played in the Dameron household.

And Poe never danced again.

Sometimes he would dream of it, though. Holding someone in his arms and swaying to the soft rhythm of a melody while waiting for Christmas cookies to bake in the oven or the first coffee of the day to finish brewing. But it never felt quite right. As soon as that longing ache would make itself known, he would shove it back to where it came from. Burying it a little deeper every time. After all, life was not a flipping Disney Christmas movie.

Yet there was a part of him that never stopped trying to find the song again. Even more so during that time of the year. Whether it was at the Christmas markets or at the shops, as soon as the softest sound of music could be heard anywhere, Poe would strain his ears hoping against hope to hear that comforting familiar tune just one more time.

Now and then he would hum the melody to himself, especially in those moments when he missed his Mom even worse than usual.

More than once he found himself sliding into a panic when he seemed to stumble over parts of the melody or he needed a little longer to remember some of the words. Every time that happened, he feared another piece of the memory of his Mom might slip away.

One night, after waking up in cold sweat again, he frantically scribbled down the lyrics onto the next best sheet of paper he could find as if they might be lost forever if he didn’t write them down this instant. After taking a few moments to catch his breath, he carefully folded the sheet and placed it into the little wooden box in his nightstand, which held the napkin bundle and the record sleeve.

Over the years, there were a few people that he tried to confide in but his attempts always ended up with him being made fun of. So he gave up those attempts too, burying his feelings deep under the growing pile of pain and ache and longing. They were obviously too silly to share them with anyone.

Not to you, though.

When Poe and you were about to spend your first Christmas together, it had been several years since he had bothered to put up any proper Christmas decorations at all. So when you asked him excitedly whether you could put them up together, he really did it more for you than for him.

Though he couldn’t deny that your enthusiasm was more than a little contagious. You turned the whole thing into a proper little event with Christmassy snacks and hot cocoa and festive music. After a while he found your joy so infectious that it made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Feelings that he hadn’t associated with Christmas for a long, long time.

He even sent both of you into a fit of giggles and laughter after somehow managing to completely wrap himself in tinsel rather than the Christmas tree.

And then you threw him completely off balance with one seemingly innocent little question: “So what’s your favourite Christmas tradition?”

Before he could tumble off the chair he was standing on, however, his instincts kicked in, making him fall back onto his standard go to answer: Chocolate glazed koyo berries. “My father had this really amazing way of turning them into the most delicious…” he began.

But it just felt wrong. Of course he loved his father’s chocolate koyo berries, he actually used to love them a lot. But there was something else. As he looked into your warm and loving eyes, something long forgotten tried to force its way up from the deepest pits of his heart. And try as he might, it refused to be pushed back down again this time.

Determined to keep it together, he turned away from you, biting his lips until they hurt. He was not going to cry. He was not going to ruin everything again.

“Poe? Hey… sweetie, your hands are shaking…”

Squeezing his eyes shut with enough force to give him a headache, he could hear the confusion in your voice turning into worry.

“Oh Poe, I am sorry, I should have known that this might bring back painful memories, I really shouldn’t have asked, I am so sorry…”

Trying to stifle the wave of sobs demanding to be let out, he shook his head vigorously, still refusing to look at you.

“No no no, you didn’t do anything wrong, it’s just… it’s silly!” he choked up.

You paused for a moment before saying gently, “It doesn’t look like it’s silly to you?”

He didn’t resist when you took his trembling hands in yours and helped him to climb down from the chair. Not letting go, you carefully held them steady in your hands, drawing soothing circles on them with your thumbs, as Poe kept staring at the floor.

“You don’t have to tell me now, if it’s too much,” you tried to reassure him.

“No, I want to, I just…” Grunting in frustration, he broke away and began to rub at his eyes with the palms of his hands with increasing force as if the motion would somehow be able to rub those pesky and unwelcome feelings away.

Carefully taking his hands into yours once more, you slowly led them away from his eyes. As you cupped his face with your hands, tenderly caressing over his temples with your thumbs, he finally looked at you, revealing his sore eyes glistening with tears and all the pain and grief that lay beneath.

It broke your heart.

You hesitated, as you had to fight your own tears welling up inside of you now before asking softly, “Is this about your Mom?”

Poe nodded ever so slightly.

Your voice turned even softer. “Does it have anything to do with the little box you keep in your night stand?”

Of course you had seen the way that he looked at that box. You had seen how he would rest his hand on that box, how his expression would turn from soft to pained and to soft again. Now and then he had even seemed to be humming a soft little melody while gently caressing over the lid of the box. Yet despite all of your questions, it had never felt right to ask him about it before he was ready to open up to you.

Closing his eyes again, Poe took a few shaky breaths. Letting his fingers wander up your arms, until they came to rest on your hands still holding his face, he tried to ground himself, focussing his attention on you. Your kindness, your gentleness, your warmth.

“Do you really want to know?” he finally managed to ask before his voice broke again.

“I do,” you said gingerly. “Of course I do. But… I wouldn’t want you to feel like you’d have to tell me anything that you aren’t ready to share yet.”

Nodding slowly, he furrowed his brow, deepening the pained expression on his face. An even more overwhelming wave of sadness radiated from his eyes, spreading over his already grief-stricken features. He tried to open and shut his mouth a few times before giving up and taking you by the hand to lead you into the bedroom.

You knelt down on the floor right next to him while he opened the drawer of his nightstand to remove the little wooden box and carefully opened the lid, revealing its contents to you. You saw the record sleeve and the lyric sheet and the napkin bundle tied together with the bowtie borrowed from Poe’s old childhood teddy Mr. Beebs.

Taking a deep breath, Poe took the bundle out of the box and placed it on the floor in front of you, unwrapping it ever so carefully.

He hadn’t opened it in decades. The moment that the napkin came undone around the broken pieces of the record, the tight layer of repressed feelings and ignored pain and buried grief wrapped around his heart fell away with it. Until there was nothing left to hold back the swelling flood of tears.

As soon as the first desperate sob ripped through his body so violently that it threatened to take his breath away, you were there. Catching him, holding him, comforting him, sheltering him.

And Poe cried like he had never cried before.

“It’s not fair! It’s not flipping fair, it’s not… she should be here… she should still be here… here with us…”

Everything seemed to bubble up to the surface at once. Pain and anger and confusion and helplessness.

“I wanted to hug him, I… I just really needed to hug him and… and I wanted to, but… but… but I was too small and… and… how could he just smash it?”

You were barely able to make any sense of all his memory fragments and turbulent emotions that were demanding attention all at once, but that wasn’t important right now.

“He came to apologize that night but I couldn’t… I couldn’t… I didn’t want him to see me cry and I… I… I should have…”

As you held him gently in your arms, he clung desperately to you, sobbing helplessly against your shoulder.

“I just… I… I failed them. Both…”

“Oh, Poe,” you whispered as you buried your face in his curls. And even though you knew that he wouldn’t be ready to believe you yet, you added gently but firmly, “You didn’t fail anybody!”

Smoothing some damp curls from his forehead, you pressed a tender kiss to the top of his head, when a new wave of tears began to stream down his face. Hot and desperate tears that had never been given a chance to dry, burning in his heart during all those years.

And now you were kissing them away. Softly. Every single one of them, even tough they were replaced by fresh ones immediately. Until sheer exhaustion made him collapse into your embrace.

As you cradled the back of his head, steadying him against your chest, rocking him gently back and forth, you knew that it wasn’t just your boyfriend crying in your arms. You held the wounded little boy, who couldn’t understand. Who blamed himself without even knowing what he had done wrong. Who hurt so deeply and yet would rather take care of everybody else around him before tending to his own wounds.

“I am here for you, Poe,” you cooed gently, hugging him tight. “I love you!”

And for the first time in decades, it felt like a few of the million shattered pieces of his heart were beginning to heal.

Unbeknownst to Poe, you made it your year’s goal to find the song for him.

The fact that Poe hadn’t been able to find it in all those years despite all his efforts, not even in the endless vastness of the internet, didn’t deter you in the slightest. Or so you thought. At least for the first eleven months of the year.

By the time December came around again, you were so close to admitting defeat that Poe began to worry about what brought you so low, even fearing that he might have been the one dampening your mood with his lack of Christmas spirit.

So, in an attempt to make up for that, he suggested taking you to the annual charity Christmas bazaar at your local school, hoping that a little Christmassy shopping spree for charity and the sparkly atmosphere of the Christmas lights might cheer you up again.

You tried not to get your hopes up, you really did. But the moment that Poe popped off to the restrooms and you found yourself stranded in front of a stall with several boxes of old forty-fives, you had to start browsing, of course.

Sorting swiftly through the records, you had gone through at least fifty of them, when your brain gave you a little jolt. You stopped. Going backwards very slowly, you looked at each of them again until you got back to the forty-second one. You carefully removed the record from the box. You read the title on the sleeve. You stared at it in disbelief. And you read it again. You shook your head. You read the title a third time. And despite your best attempts to stay calm, you couldn’t stop yourself from letting out a little scream that made the elderly gentleman behind the display ask in concern whether you were all right. It took every ounce of self restraint you could muster to keep yourself from throwing your arms around him and hug him until he turned blue. In the end, you hugged him anyway.

After handing the stall owner enough money to prompt him to ask you again whether you were all right, you hid the record in your bag and quickly hurried past the next few stalls, hoping not to give anything away.

You still weren’t able to keep the shine out of your eyes, though. Which Poe noticed immediately the minute that he caught up with you.

“What’s gotten into you?” he asked raising a confused eyebrow.

Letting out a happy sigh that you weren’t able to contain, you smiled, “I’m just really looking forward to Christmas!”

His gaze softened as he pulled you towards you, placing a tender kiss on top of your head. Gently rubbing your noses together, his smile grew wider until it painted crinkles around his eyes.

As he rested his forehead against yours, he whispered, “Me too!” And for the first time since what felt like forever, he actually meant it.

You spent the better part of the remainder of the run-up to Christmas trying to come up with the best possible plan to present the record to him. Should you simply hide it in a pile of other gifts in his stocking, should you make him close his eyes while you put the record on, should you wake him up with the music on Christmas Morning or maybe something completely different? In the end you decided that you would leave it up to Poe because the last thing you wanted was to overwhelm him in any way or even cause him more hurt.

When you found yourself cuddling with him on the couch on Christmas Eve, however, it became increasingly harder for you to remain patient until Christmas Morning.

Lying half atop on you, Poe had completely melted into your embrace, burying his face in the crook of your neck, while you played with his hair. The ease and trust with which he relaxed in your arms melted your heart. You were just about to turn your head and place a gentle kiss to his temple, when he lifted his head.

“Are you okay, bups?” He asked, raising a worried eyebrow at you.

“Hmmm?” you mumbled a little absentmindedly. “Sure, why wouldn’t I be?”

“You’re as tense as a loaded spring about to go off. And I mean that in a very non-euphemistic, sfw way. Although…” he wriggled his eyebrows, looking way too cute with his tousled hair curling itself into every possible direction, “I wouldn’t mind adding some ‘n’ into the mix a little later…”

You couldn’t help breaking into giggles, which made Poe grin in return. “That’s better,” he smiled, placing a sweet little kiss to your forehead before furrowing his brow again. “Wanna tell me why you are so nervous?”

You really hadn’t intended to spoil this peaceful moment but you also knew that Poe wouldn’t stop worrying until he knew what was up. With a heavy sigh, you reluctantly tried to wriggle yourself free from underneath Poe to sit up, drawing some grunts of protest and a pout from him.

“I have a little surprise for you.”

Humming in a slightly more relaxed tone, he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you towards him again.

“And can we stay on the couch for that or do we have to transfer to the bedroom?”

You snorted, “I’ve clearly given you the wrong idea now.”

With another smile, you brushed a few stray curls from his forehead and left a soft kiss in their place.

“You can stay here. I’ll be right back.”

Getting up to fetch your little present from the hiding place in the bedroom, you swiftly returned and set down next to Poe before giving it to him.

It took a few moments for Poe to realize what he was holding in his hands. As they began to tremble, he couldn’t help but keep staring at the record.

“How… where did you…” he whispered.

You gently laid your hands on his before explaining softly, “Actually… you kind of led me to it yourself when you took me to the Christmas bazaar three weeks ago.”

He let out a small shaky laugh that turned into a soft sob.

You immediately began to rub his back in soothing circles, leaving tender kisses all over the side of his face until he began to lean into you.

“Would you like me to play it?” you asked him gently.

He slowly peeled his gaze away from the record to look at you. As his big brown puppy dog eyes began to sparkle, he slowly nodded as if in a daze. He had gotten so used to hearing the song only in his memory, had both dreaded and hoped for this moment over and over again. As you put the record on and the song began to float across the room, it felt too surreal for him to grasp.

The music sounded even softer than you had imagined it. And so much more comforting than Poe remembered.

It sounded like the warmth of his Mom’s hand caressing his face and his parents’ laughter and tickle fights and the smell of his Mom’s baking and Kes scooping him up to carry him on his shoulders and morning cuddles and running towards his parents’ embrace. Both of them holding out their hands for him.

Just like you did now.

“Dance with me?” you asked him softly. Warm and open and welcoming while still giving him all the room that he might need.

Poe’s tears fell more slowly this time. As you laid your arms around him, pulling him towards you, swaying both of you to the soft rhythm of the music, he didn’t fight the soft and shaky sobs that turned another layer of destructive pain and grief into hopeful feelings of comfort and familiarity and home.

His head found his place leaning on your shoulder as your cheek came to rest against his. You held him gently and at the same time so close that there seemed to be no room left for anything that might hurt him. And yet your embrace was so soft that he knew he could trust you with his wounded bare heart in your hands.

As he wept in your arms, you kept caressing over his curls, leaving a trail of soft kisses along his hairline until his tears began to mix with your own. The moment Poe noticed the wet streaks running down your face, his eyes widened in alarm and he quickly reached up to wipe your tears away. But you gently laid your hands on his and shook your head with a sparkly-eyed smile.

“Don’t worry about those, Poe. Not all tears are bad.”

And Poe’s eyes that had been sparkling with tears of pain and sorrow slowly began to sparkle with something else.

It might not have been quite what he had imagined the first time to be like. Dancing to his parents’ song in the light of the Christmas tree with his own special someone.

Yet as his sobs subsided to the gentle rhythm of your soft kisses to his face and your hands tenderly smoothing over his hair, right now in this moment, he felt like the luckiest person in the universe.

Except for one thing.

When he let out an involuntary sigh, you pressed one more kiss to the top of his head before asking, “Why don’t you call him? Ask him to come over for Christmas?”

“Who?” Poe raised his head in mild confusion.

“Your father?” you smiled.

“How did…” Trailing off and letting out another sigh, Poe began to shake his head. “Me and my father stopped doing Christmas years ago. I don’t even have his number.”

“Well, funny thing…”

As Poe began to raise his eyebrows, you allowed yourself to break into a mischievous little grin, making him smile through his tears.

“I spoke to Auntie Leia the other day, and…” you began.

“…she had his number and gave it to you?” Poe finished your sentence in only mild disbelief.

“Of course she did,” you nodded and smiled again. “I don’t know how but it’s like she knew.”

Poe shook his head, unable to suppress a soft giggle. “She always does.”

You hesitated a little before you asked him, “Did you know that your father keeps asking after you whenever he meets her?”

Sobering up immediately, Poe lowered his gaze to the ground, furrowing his brow. “No, I… I didn’t…”

“Hey…” Cupping his face and gently guiding him to look at you again, you asked, “I can call him for you if you don’t feel up to it?” Your eyes softened before you added, “And no, Poe… I don’t think that would be ‘silly’.”

Poe let out a shaky breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding. “Could you do that for me…?”

So you did. And less than an hour later, Kes was standing at your door. His knock was so soft and cautious that you would have missed it, had you not been on your way to the kitchen at exactly that moment.

He was shivering from the cold as it looked like he hadn’t even bothered to take the time and find appropriate clothes for the freezing temperatures outside. Yet when you had introduced yourself and motioned quickly for him to come in and step into the warmth, he hesitated.

“Are you really sure that Poe wants to see me?” he asked full of doubt.

You gave him a reassuring smile. “Yes he does. Of course he does! We just didn’t expect you to be here so early.”

“Oh… if you want me to come back later…”

“No, no, please… come in! You must be freezing.”

As Kes stepped into the light of your flat, you could see the clear remnants of tears on his face that had been hastily wiped away. And your heart broke for him just as it had for his son.

Poe had spent the last half hour bent over your record player, carefully removing remnants of dust from the needle and the grooves of the record. Deeply focused on his work, he gave a little start when you entered the living room, announcing brightly, “Look who is here, sweetie.”

“Hello, Poe!”

Turning around, Poe let out a soft, “Hey…” before clearing his throat and saying more firmly, “I am glad that you came.”

“Really?!”

His father’s reaction threw him off for a few moments. Was he really so utterly convinced that Poe wouldn’t want to see him?

Kes had to swallow a few times as he began to fumble nervously with the handle of the bag he had brought with him.

“Oh… these are for you!” he finally said, producing a huge bag of chocolate koyo berries.

Poe gasped in surprise. “But… these take days to make, how did you…?”

The smile that spread across Kes’ face somehow made him look even sadder. “I still make them every year, just in case you might... Never mind, you probably don’t even like them anymore, I just thought…”

Taking a step towards Kes, Poe reassured him, “No, no, of course I still love them, that’s really thoughtful of you… Dad!”

For a brief moment, Poe’s gaze flickered over to you and you started the record player. It took only a few notes for Kes to recognize the melody and his eyes widened, displaying a myriad of emotions.

“I… I’ve been searching everywhere,” he whispered. “I thought that maybe if I could find it, if I could just… you might…” Kes’ voice broke and he closed his eyes for a moment, trying to gain his composure.

When he opened them again, his son was standing right in front of him, offering his hand to his Dad. The look in his eyes was neither angry nor reproachful, but open and warm and encouraging with maybe a slightly pleading undertone. And it hit him full force just how much Poe reminded him of Shara in that moment.

Clasping a hand over his mouth, Kes let out a half-stifled shaky sob as his eyes began to glisten with tears. Taking a careful step towards his son, he took Poe’s hand into both of his. Placing the softest of kisses on his son’s hand, he gently held it against his chest right above his heart.

“Oh, Poey,” he whispered. “I am so... I am so…”

The moment his voice faltered again, Poe pulled his Dad into a hug. This drew a surprised little gasp from Kes before he threw his arms around his son, holding him closer than he had ever held him before. Like he was never going to let him go again. He knew that he might not be able to make up for lost time. But he could show Poe how much he meant to him right here and right now. Between violent sobs and desperate kisses to his temple and his cheek, Kes pulled his son close over and over again.

“Me, too!” Poe whispered through his own tears. “It’s okay, Dad… I love you!”

Maybe okay wasn’t exactly the right word. Maybe it was never really gonna be okay again. But as they both clung to each other, it certainly felt more okay than it had in a very long time. Maybe this could be the beginning of creating their new okay.

As his Dad’s desperate kisses slowly turned softer, he pulled back just enough to be able to gently cup his son’s face in his hands. “I love you, too, Poe. So so so damn much!”

You were just about to sneak out of the door to give them some room when Poe softly called out to you, “Hey… c’mere!”

They both invited you to join them with open arms. There may have been some feet casualties before the three of you found your rhythm but those were easily laughed away.

Christmas Eve turned into Christmas Day and Poe was still dancing. Safe and snug in a hug sandwich between the two people that he loved more than anything else in this world and who loved him just as much in return.

As Poe’s face once again found his familiar place in the crook of your neck, he mumbled, “I wish my Mom could have met you. I really wish that she could have been here with us just one more time.”

“I think she is, Poe!”

Instead of an answer, he let out a little sob against your shoulder, hugging both you and his Dad a little tighter, as Kes gently ruffled his hair.

And when Poe looked up again and his gaze came to rest on the star at the top of the Christmas tree, he could have sworn that it shone brighter than he could ever remember.

Sometimes life may cause you wounds that seem to hurt so deeply that all the time in the universe wouldn’t be able to heal them.

And sometimes… sometimes all you need to make the pain a little more bearable is someone to take your hand, hold you gently, kiss you softly and tell you that they love you.

Thank you for reading 💜

#poe dameron #poe dameron x reader #poe dameron x you #poe dameron x gn!reader #poe x reader #poe dameron fanfiction #star wars #fanfiction #reader insert #oscar isaac #kes dameron #shara bey #chrissie tries to write

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ambi-kiko · 7 months

Text

tma music tma music tma music

please reblog with your own! i need it (:

also im more than willing to elaborate on any of em, just ask! (i have much to yell about)

for bitchard, we have:

kiss me, son of god (they might be giants)

i'm gonna win (rob cantor)

blood & money (the orion experience, orion, linda XO)

ruler of everything (tally hall)

BlackBoxWarrior - OKULTRA (will wood)

community gardens (the scary jokes, louie zong)

the main character (will wood)

your body, my temple (will wood)

laplace's angel (hurt people? hurt people!) (will wood)

saint bernard (lincoln)

welcome to the internet (bo burnham)

all eyes on me (or3o)

my ordinary life (the living tombstone)

cabinet man (lemon demon)

peter x elias (for my frenchies out there <33)

marine marchande (les cowboys fringants)

ok dont judge me too much i had to have smth for them ((: plus its not that unrelated

next! martin

a better son/daughter (rilo kiley)

12 feet deep (the front bottoms)

things to do (alex g)

be nice to me (the front bottoms)

step on me (the cardigans)

heart for brains (roar)

mama (my chemical romance)

summer child (conan gray)

hello my old heart (the oh hellos)

i cant handle change (roar)

against the kitchen floor (will wood)

least favorite only child (leanna firestone)

sharpener (cavetown)

empty bed (cavetown)

life's a beach (bears in trees)

jmart ((:

no children (the mountain goats)

the moon will sing (the crane wives)

euthanasia (will wood)

as the world caves in (matt maltese)

the truth (the front bottoms)

balade à toronto (jean leloup)

doctor (jack stauber)

apocalypse (cigarettes after sex)

talk to you (ricky Montgomery)

cabo (ricky montgomery)

meteor shower (cavetown)

juliet (cavetown)

feel better (penelope scott)

would you be so kind (dodie)

two birds (regina spektor)

line without a hook (ricky Montgomery)

and jon, ofc <3 i rly dont have enough for him ):

body terror song (AJJ)

downhill (Lincoln)

montreal (penelope scott)

ramblings of a lunatic (bears in trees)

its called: freefall (rainbow kitten surprise)

chin music for the unsuspecting hero (foster the people)

love, me normally (will wood)

dinner is not over (jack stauber's micropop)

also melanie! dont have that many but she deserves the mention (:

saturn suv (fredo disco)

brave as a noun (AJJ)

tongues & teeth (the crane wives)

wreaking ball (mother mother)

we fell in love in october (girl in red)

and just random songs with tma vibes (other characters, ships, dread powers, etc)

underground (cody fry)

hand me my shovel, i'm going in! (will wood)

terry's taxidermy (teddy hyde)

cotard's solution (will wood and the tapeworms)

amnesia was her name (lemon demon)

memento mori: the most important thing in life is death (will wood)

skeleton appreciation day in vestal, n.y. (will wood)

icicles (the scary jokes)

puppet boy (devo)

oh ana (mother mother)

i dont smoke (mitski)

choke (I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME)

thermodynamic lawyer esq, G.F.D (will wood and the tapeworms)

sorry haha i fell asleep (egg)

despair (leo)

stuff is way (they might be giants)

baby teeth (baby bugs)

king park (la dispute)

i/me/myself (will wood)

dr. sunshine is dead (will wood and the tapeworms)

amygdala's rag doll (ghost and pals)

little pistol (mother mother)

burning pile (mother mother)

this is home (cavetown)

body (mother mother)

turn the lights off (tally hall)

like real people do (hozier)

im going insane

#long post #tma #the magnus archives #jonathan sims #magnuspod #jon sims #jmart #martin blackwood #martin kartin blackwood #jonmartin #jonny sims #melanie king #elias bouchard #lonely eyes

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nouvxllev · 5 months

Note

plssss emma myers x reader 🙏🙏🙏🙏 late christmas fic plsssss im on my knees for angst

the moment you knew

Pairing: Emma Myers x Fem!Reader

Summary: With your schedule crammed with projects, speeches, meetings, and weekly parties your friends would pull you to, you can barely even say a simple greeting to her through the phone before being pulled away to another. Your conversations with Emma just kept getting shorter and shorter, and she couldn't be even bothered to message you back once in a while. But it was fine, you'd say to yourself. She's busy. Even on Christmas day.

Words: 2.7k

Warnings: angst

a/n: i seriously dont know how to write angst properly so bear w me.. and thank you so much for the request!! wrote a happy ending since even i cant write one without breaking down (ps: kinda based on the song the moment i knew and how you get the girl by taylor swift!!!)

masterlist.

3:32 PM

You could hear everyone at this party. Your friends, family, and some plus ones they brought; you all heard them. But that one voice you wanted to so desperately hear was gone.

Ever since you were a child, you adored Christmas. It's something more than just a date on the calendar. Everything down to the trees, wreaths, movies, and presents you had all so loved when the clock struck 12:00 on Christmas Eve. You would always come down after a long night of not sleeping and immediately open the presents your parents gifted you.

Now, you were an adult. And now, you had someone special to enjoy Christmas night with. Christmas night and an anniversary.

Christmas Eve was the date the both of you met, the day the both of you started dating, and the both of you spent your living days together.

That is, until college.

Emma lived just away from your university where you, unfortunately, got gifted with an apartment near your campus even after weeks of fighting with your parents to just let you stay with her.

With your schedule crammed with projects, speeches, meetings, and weekly parties your friends would pull you to, you can barely even say a simple greeting to her through the phone before being pulled away to another. Your conversations with Emma just kept getting shorter and shorter, and she couldn't be even bothered to message you back once in a while. But it was fine, you'd say to yourself. She's busy. Even on Christmas day.

happy anniversary emma!!! when r u coming? read, 12:03 AM

You blinked. You were staring at your message for long enough that it was etched in your iris.

You hosted this Christmas party for your anniversary with Emma, handpicked the outfits you knew Emma would adore, made the place look elegant even for a lousy apartment, and cooked the cuisines you've memorized in the back of your head ever since.

Now it was just for everyone to indulge.

You stood near a corner, the lights you had put up blinded your eyes just now. Your phone, clasped tightly in your hands, became a dying wish.

You couldn't help but periodically check Emma's contact. Hoping for a call, or even a message from her. Hell, you'd even take a text that she wouldn't be coming to the party. Just, anything will do just fine.

Everyone who walked passed you, tucked away in a corner of your own party said hello and went on with their day, their wishes and greetings became background noise to the ringing in your ears as you constantly found yourself checking your phone for notifications.

"Nice place you've got here, y/n!" They would say. You'd give a smile.

"Thanks for inviting me, y/n!" They would say. You'd give a smile.

"Merry Christmas, y/n!" They would say. You'd give a smile.

"Where's Emma? Shouldn't she be the first one to be here?" They would question. You'd stayed silent. You questioned it just as much as they did.

5:36 PM

Hours passed, the party continued, but Emma's presence wasn't even near you. The laughter and cheer of everyone who attended just became background noise at that point.

You tried to suppress the growing unease in your chest that was gnawing your soul bit by bit as time passed by. You should've been with the others, the others who were dancing, the others who were clinking glasses, the others who were happy with their lives.

You eyed the door, yearning for the time the clock strikes a certain minute when the door opens and you'll be greeted with the girl who carried everything someone would wish for just outside the door and give you a big hug.

It wasn't that you weren't enjoying the party; it was just that you wished the joy could be shared with someone else. Someone who would be there with you, dancing under the twinkling lights, clinking glasses, and just being by her side.

"Hey, you okay?"

A voice brought you out of your state. It was Jenna.

She sat down with you, holding a glass of champagne between her fingers and her headphones circled around her neck. A concern in her voice made you feel slightly better, but it was never enough.

You took a deep breath, the phone in your hand you were looking at ever since you sat down on the table you had turned off and hoped it'd ring if you did.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine."

11:50 PM

It had been eight hours.

Eight hours ever since you've been holding back tears. Eight hours ever since you've been convincing yourself Emma was just late to your party, Eight hours ever since the laughter in the crowd got bigger and heartily when you just stood around the corner while your eyes desperately begged for a message, Eight hours ever since you were telling people that you were fine, Eight hours ever since you greeted Emma happy anniversary only to receive nothing back, Eight hours ever since you've spammed her messages and called her throughout the night, eight hours ever since you realized Emma was getting tired of you.

11:55 PM

"Y/n, y/n!"

You heard the door open after a few knocks, it was Jenna. Again.

She found you leaning against the cold sink. You had your hands tangled into your air, your head hanging by and the faucet was running.

You glanced up, your eyes red and puffy from crying. The room felt small with Jenna entering, her looking at you with concern etching across her face as she gently closed the door behind her. You could still hear the screams, and countdowns of people outside, but you just couldn't hear that one voice. That once voice that should've been here.

"Where’s— Where’s Emma?" You whispered, staring at Jenna with your tear-streaked appearance, the hitch in your voice said everything.

Jenna's voice caught in her throat as she looked into your eyes, or rather averted your gaze. "Oh. Oh, Y/n— I'm so sorry, she didn't—"

"She didn't come," you finished Jenna's sentence, the weight of those words settling heavily on your shoulders. The room felt even colder, the sink you were leaning on felt like ice, and you could feel your hands slip away.

"It's Christmas Eve, Jenna." You choked out, "I thought she'd be here. I thought… it's our anniversary." Your voice trailed off as you looked up, fighting to hold back the tears that were resisting your attempts.

Jenna moved closer, offering a gentle hug until you looked at her, eyes swelled and your weight immediately crashed onto her. Silent sobs filled the room as Jenna patted your back.

"I just wanted it to be special," you mumbled against Jenna's shoulder, your words muffled and barely audible. "I wanted her to be here."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

3:23 AM

Short, short, long, short.

Someone knocked on the door. You recognized it instantly; it was Emma.

You had already changed into clothes that were no longer comfortable, feeling every fabric peel against your skin. The pieces of the party were scattered across the floor — glitter, polaroids, and bottles scattered across the hardwood tiles. Half-lidded eyes, you sat on the couch, phone on your hand. Still.

Your fingers scrolled over Emma's contact. Numerous missed calls and unread text messages filled the screen. As you scrolled, you noticed her replies were short, and her daily pictures were absent. No more 'good morning' or 'good night' messages. No nothing. It was the moment you knew; maybe it didn't work out after all.

When did it all go wrong?

You heard the knob churning as the door creaked open. Emma stood there. Your gaze met hers. It's weird how different you perceive someone else after realization.

"Y/n?"

She took a step forward, reveling in you and your mess.

"Can we talk?"

"Talk?" You let out a bitter laugh, your phone being forgotten, "we should've talked ages ago. Where have you been? Why are you always missing from my life?" Your voice dwindled, a crack in your throat.

Emma's eyes looked at everything but yours, her hands going to her chest. "I've been busy, okay? I have.. I have things on my plate."

"Busy?" You stood up, "why are you always using the same excuse, Emma?"

"Y/n—"

"Whenever I talk to you, you always respond with 'I'm busy.' Why does it always feel like I'm talking to no one? I can't keep going on with my life expecting you to just randomly appear in front of me when I know that isn't going to happen."

"Not even a happy anniversary back."

"It's our anniversary?"

Oh.

"You forgot?" Your voice went hoarse.

Emma blinked, "Y/n, it's not that simple. I have a lot going on in my life, okay? I just can't keep track of dates when I have that much workload."

"A lot? A lot going on, Emma? I've been left in the dark by you. What about 'us?' Have you even thought about what this silence your giving is doing to me!?"

"Y/n please—"

"Explain?" Your voice wavered, stepping forward that Emma was backed onto the door. "You've had countless of chances to explain, countless of unread messages, countless fucking times I've cried to you about how much I want you to open up to me."

"Y/n, I'm just—I'm just busy with everything. School, work, I—"

"You always are." Your anger softened into hurt, the numbness taking over you. "How many times are you going to repeat that? How many times did you even care once to think about how your treatment affected me?"

Emma's eyes met yours, "I didn't mean—Y/n, I love you, but—"

"Love?" Your body felt numb, your hands going to your sides. "You can't love me when you act like you don't even have someone to love." The words hung in tension, the air felt like you could drown in it.

"I can’t even wake up on the same bed next to you, Emma. I can’t spend— I can’t spend every second of my day without thinking that you fucking left me with someone else."

"Y/n—"

You stood in place, tears staining your face. "I don't want love that makes me feel like I'm abandoned 24/7, I don't want love that questions my worth every fucking day!" You shouted, noticing how Emma didn't even flinch. Not even a bit.

"This is suffocating—You are suffocating, Emma." You looked at her, eyes swelling as the lights flickered along with your emotions. Your voice came down to a mere whisper.

You wanted her to walk up to you and hug you. You wanted her to kiss you and tell you that everything would be okay, and the words you spoke were just a mere dream you had days ago. But Emma stood there. No denying, no accepting, no nothing.

"Y/n— God, y/n, I’m so sorry."

A sigh was the only response you could give her.

"I'm sorry too, Emma."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

But now, it was you. Just you on Christmas Eve.

You sat on the couch, your legs coming up to your chest. It's been a year ever since you let Emma disappear from your life, a year ever since you told her off.

Noise from the TV, noise from the rain pouring outside from your apartment, it all blared in your ears while you hugged your legs even tighter. Your eyes started to fall as you keep track of the time on your phone.

Countless of books scattered across your desk instead of drinks, countless of papers and pencils littered instead of people, pillows sat across from you instead of Emma.

You had to admit, you missed her.

A sudden knock on the door was the only sound that took you out of your thoughts instead of the ambiance blasting outside.

You had no motivation to get up, at all. Even at Christmas, without someone by your side, it wasn't even the same anymore.

With a deep sigh, you decided to open the door.

"Happy—Happy Anniversary, y/n."

It was Emma.

...The fuck?

She was standing here, outside the pouring rain, outside of your apartment, outside of your space. Holding flowers that were now ducking their heads because of the rain they experienced, her hair was a dirty brunette color seeping through the strands, and her breath was shaky as she stood there. Freezing and holding flowers for you.

You stood there, eyes wide open. "Emma, this isn’t—"

"It is." Emma breathed, her hand coming to her face to wipe the tears mixed with the coming downpour, "It is our anniversary."

"It’s the date when we met eachother. It’s the date when we first started dating. It was the last day ever since I heard your voice mutter my name. It was the last day my name sounded so perfectly." She gulped, her voice wavering from the cold. "I don’t care if— I don’t care if it’s the day we broke up. Well, of course, I care since I just practically left you in the dark."

You just stood there, dumbfounded, letting her explain everything.

"Can I—Can I come in?"

You nodded after a few seconds. "Yeah. Yeah—come in," you managed to say without a crack in your voice.

Emma stepped inside, her shoes wet from going across the flood and taking time out of the rainy night to get you flowers. You and Emma faced eachother.

"I'm so sorry."

You stared at her. "You... You don't have to say that all the time. I got the gist." You responded.

"I left you in the dark, I never updated you, I never told you how much I loved you, I never told myself how much I needed you." She started

Emma took a deep breath.

"I wasn't busy, I wasn't anything I said before. I was lying to you."

You stayed silent, the TV light reflecting on the walls.

"I was scared, now that we were in college, I was scared if you went to another school, maybe you'd find someone better. I let my own fears and insecurities get the best of me. I ran away, I shut myself off, I couldn't take it." She gripped the bouquet she held.

She took a step closer, but you stayed in your place.

"I realized… maybe just moments after I knew you were hurting, I pushed away the person who meant the most to me." Her eyes glistened with tears. You noticed. You went soft around her, your eyes no longer tense.

"I love you. I love you so much, more than I ever allowed myself to love another. I never meant to make you feel like someone who was nothing to me. You were the opposite. You were everything to me." She looked at you, asking for consent with the look in her eyes. "I want to be the partner you deserve, the partner that makes you happy every second."

With a nod, you too broke down. A lump forming in your throat. "I missed you too. I—I didn't know if you'd come back to me after all that, I didn't know how to reach out." You went to her after you noticed her eyes softened.

You came crashing into her with a hug, your arms squeezing her body who was dripping with rain from outside.

"I didn't want to let go," you whispered, your voice filled with the honesty and vulnerability. "I couldn't take it."

Emma held you tighter, her voice soft, "I'm so sorry for making you feel like you had to. Your emotions were valid anyways. I was a total dipshit."

You pulled back, looking into her eyes as the clock behind Emma struck 12.

"I love you."

"Yeah. I love you too."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

12:00 AM

Now, you were an adult. And now, you had someone special to enjoy the season. Someone who, from the moment she stepped inside of your apartment, it was the moment you knew Emma was someone who'll stay forever.

#emma myers x reader #emma myers x y/n #emma myers x you #emma myers

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proxylynn · 2 months

Text

My theory of Hazbin Hotel's main plot.

[This may just be a hot take or me whimsically spitballing headcanon, but I have thought about this and, while I don't have all the puzzle's pieces, I think I have enough to make out a decent picture. So bear with me as I unload the insanity that has been in my head since entering the Hellaverse.]

Starting things off, I think the main villain/antagonist of HH's plot is the obvious elephant in the room...Roo aka The Root of ALL Evil.

According to Vivziepop, Roo is a "looming threat in the distance", possibly hinting toward her being a future antagonist and she mentioned that there is no character that she is more excited to get into than Roo, but, she also mentioned that it's "gonna be a long time". So likely we won't see her properly till season three but get hints throughout season two and teased at the end. I will make no claim that "defeating" Roo solves everything in the universe because that's nonsense. There is no good without evil. So you can't just off Roo who's been there since the beginning. And I mean THE beginning. I'm talking the creation of EVERYTHING.

"Angels that worshiped good and shielded all from evil."

Evil exists at the start before Lucifer does anything, this is a fact. So where am I going with this? Let's continue down the line. To the one driving my train of thought...Lilith.

For someone who didn't eat the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil, Lilith was very aware of certain things and had independent free will. But humanity didn't get this autonomy till after the fruit fiasco, so what happened? Why did Lilith have magic main character self-awareness? Well, let's think about this...Why was there such a tree in Eden in the first place? The Angels are making this a paradise and keeping evil out of Earth. So why place a tree in there that would fuck it all up? This was why they didn't want Lucifer making shit because they were worried his ideas would be too risky and bad could happen. So again, why was this tree here? What if...The Angels didn't make it.

I propose, as her name so implies, that Roo sprouted the tree up without the Angels knowing in the hopes the fruit would be eaten and allow evil to taint the world. Lilith might have gotten a hint of what the tree granted and what simple veil that clouded her eyes was lifted enough to make her reject Adam and flee the garden. It's even said that "together" she and Lucifer share the gift of free will with Eve, but Lilith seems to take this stand back and watch approach when Lucifer gives her the fruit, almost like she's uncertain what eating it will do so she keeps her distance. This again, also hints that Lilith has had free will from the start and didn't eat the fruit because it was only when Eve ate the fruit did evil finally break the seal to enter Earth.

"As punishment for their reckless act, Heaven cast Lucifer and his love into the dark pit he had created."

Now here's where it gets a bit more headcanony because this line could mean nothing or everything. Lucifer and Lilith are banished to the newly made Hell. I repeat...Heaven cast Lucifer and Lilith into Hell. Nowhere does it say she died. So...We have the first human woman who didn't eat the fruit and never died. By technically, Lilith still has her immortality. She's the oldest human alive. It's also stated Lucifer shares his power with her (and Charlie), which makes sense if she's just some dull human. So, now imbued with this mix of angel/demon rizz, Lilith becomes even more OP and Hell's mary sue Queen that dominates like the bad boss bitch she is.

"Lilith thrived, empowering demonkind with her voice and her songs. And as the numbers of Hell grew, so did its power."

Lilith as a character has a surprisingly decent amount of info to work with considering we only saw her for the smallest moment. So here's some goodies I've collected from the wiki that are of note.

{According to Vivziepop, Lilith is the "big, slowburn mystery" of the show, adding that we are going to slowly start getting answers over the course of the "next couple seasons", and that season two gives some more pieces to it.}

{When asked about what Lilith was like, Faustisse described Lilith as graceful, regal, and politically charged. Lilith is someone who is exceptionally equanimous. This was implied in "Overture" as in the "Story of Hell" book she is depicted helping Hell thrive over the years using her voice and her songs.}

{When asked about Lilith and Lucifer's dynamic, Faustisse believed their relationship could be summed up with the phrase, "Behind every man is a greater woman", and that they love each other very much. They describe Lilith and Lucifer as "passionate, cheesy lovers". They are of the opinion that Lilith "wears the pants" in her family, but they think both Lilith and Lucifer are switches within their intimate life.}

{When asked about Lilith's powers, Faustisse declined to answer, citing possible spoilers for the main series. They did, however, state that they did not think Lilith had wings like Charlie and Lucifer, although saw no reason why she wouldn't be able to manifest them if she wished. According to Faustisse, Lilith can change the shape of her horns, but it's unlikely this will be shown in practice in the series as it would apparently be difficult to show that kind of constant change over consecutive scenes.}

{When asked if the Eden family have some connection to the royal family as well, Vivziepop declined to answer one way or the other.}

{Due to her origins as a former human, it is likewise unclear if Lilith is connected to the Sinners, who are deceased humans and became demons after death; as Lilith was alive when she was banished to Hell, her transition between human and demon is ambiguous.}

{Faustisse has suggested that she is somewhat good with children}

{Lilith disappeared seven years prior to the series for reasons unknown, never responding to any of her daughter's attempts to call her. Curiously, she was missing the same amount of years as Alastor. Lilith was later revealed to be in Heaven in "The Show Must Go On". Although the exact reasons remain unknown, it was heavily alluded to that she had made a deal with Adam at some point.}

You might look at all this and be like "Lynn, you dummy, we know all this. This is just random stuff". Oh, I think not. Because in just these bits we get so much. Let's begin with the character setup for diving into my main theory.

I think Lilith does love her family. She has a loving and amazing husband in Lucifer and in Charlotte (aka Charlie) the most adorable and kindhearted daughter any mother could ask for. As Queen, she took charge and made Hell less of a pit to wallow and suffer in, and more like a new home to begin anew. So then...What happened? Why would she suddenly leave and cut all communications? Here is where we dig into the meat of it all. My theory of why Lilith left.

Remember how I said Lilith didn't eat the fruit and still had free will then pounded that over and over into you? Well, going on what I said about her getting "a hint of what the tree granted", Roo could've infected Lilith and gifted her awareness while in Eden. Now in Hell where Roo is arguably stronger due to all the sin and sickness that permeates the realm, her influence on Lilith would increase. Lilith, being the big brain that she is, probably felt something was amiss when she got pregnant. Nine months is a long time to plan things out, and maybe doing a few concerts to warn others of impending danger subtlety might've worked...but only for so long. She needed something. A safety. And that safety was her family. Lucifer likely could've been useful but his depression was beginning to take hold with each failure and the worsening sinners as years passed. So...plan B...Charlie. She would instill in her daughter everything she knew and give her a "destiny".

"But Lilith's hope remained. And her dream passed down to their precious daughter, the Princess of Hell."

With Charlie, Lilith instilled that the people were important. But never explained in what way. As she continued to prepare her daughter, Lilith would come to understand this reason. Power. Roo thrives on the tainted evil that seeps from the sinners. So just as she finishes schooling Charlie, she sets up another backup plan to still Roo's intake long enough for her daughter to figure out a way of her own...And this is where Adam comes in.

"Adam is dead. Your deal is done and I'm in charge now. Your brat is threatening the very foundation of Heaven. And if you want to stay here, you're going down there, and stopping that bitch. You understand me…Lilith?"

Feeling Roo's corruptive influence getting worse because sinners just keep coming, Lilith contacts Adam. Now Adam is still salty but hears his first wife out as she caters to his ego. But Adam is wiser after millennia and knows she's not being innocent here. He bluntly gets her to just spill the beans to which she does, she needs out of Hell. Adam grabs this opportunity and says he can sneak her into Heaven but it'll cost her. He knows how much her precious people mean to her so, vindictively, he says he'll take her in if he can go into Hell and kill demons. Little does he know he's playing into her trap. She "reluctantly" agrees so long as no Hellborn are harmed, only sinners. Adam is all for it, even makes a cover story to tell Sera later how killing sinners in Hell will keep Heaven safe, and Lilith then goes about doing the hardest thing she's ever done. She tells Lucifer of some details of this new Heavenly Extermination thing and that she'll have to go away for a long time, promising to return but unsure when. Heartbroken, Lucifer watches as his love leaves him, their daughter, and their kingdom.

"Hey, mom. I know I keep calling and you must be busy... Really busy... But, um, the interview didn't go well, and... I don't know if I'm ever going to make a difference. I don't know what I'm doing. I could really use some advice, mom. I... I think dad was right about me... Ahah, oof. Eh, anyway... I'll stop talking before this gets long. Love you, bye..."

"Don't worry, Mom. I'll make you proud."

Vaggie: Did you hear from your mom?

*Charlie shakes her head in dismay.*

Vaggie: Oof… how long has it been now?

Charlie: Not that long, only…seven….years, off doing something important, I'm sure! But, this kingdom was something she really cared about. Something I care about.

This is what I think it's all been leading to. Lilith having made Charlie into someone for the people and wanting to save souls in a, as funny as it is, maintaining the very balance that got fucked up way back in the garden sort of redeeming way. Restoring order by allowing the good to go where it should've gone in the first place and keeping Roo weak. Maybe Lilith can even get her own redemption, being partially responsible for allowing Roo into our world in the first place. The only added weight I have left to give to my silly little "infected Lilith" idea is how she looks at season one's ending.

She looks pissed and upset, which we can say for a few reasons like how Lute just straight-up calls Charlie a bitch to her face. Like, dude, dick move. But, with Adam dead and seemingly no progress from Charlie (that she knows of), Lute is forcing her to go back to Hell where Roo's influence can grip her once more. I'm not entirely sure just what that could mean but for the sake of the Alastor/Lilith theory fans, let's say when Roo is strong she can puppet Lilith into infecting others via demonic deals. She might have done this countless times with mixed results, only to have full success in Alastor. But Mr deer is a bit too successful a test subject and thus gets his powers leashed. Now we have Alastor trying to force his way out of this mixed-up double-power deal by roping in Charlie, the one kink in this chain that could cause everything to break if forced too much.

It would explain his latching onto Charlie and seeking a deal since the very first time they met. She's a means to an end. The key to unlocking his proverbial collar. It even explains his out-of-nowhere instant disdain for Lucifer. Of course he'd be hostel to the husband of the bitch that metaphorically screwed him and poses a threat to his current plan of using his daughter for his own means.

Well, this was a long as fuck rambling. I hope even a shred of this made sense. Now to sit back and wait for season two to come along and either be like "I got something right" or "Wow I was dead wrong on so many levels". I wonder how long that will take?

"In an interview posted on February 2, 2024, Vivziepop thought that the production of season two might take about one-and-a-half to two years, roughly the same production time season one had."

Oh...um...Looks like we have some time. So, we can expect the new episodes to land in late 2025 at the earliest. *sets up chair* I can wait.

#op random #hazbin hotel #hellaverse #hazbin hotel lore theory/headcanon #hazbin hotel charlie #hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin hotel adam #hazbin hotel lucifer #hazbin hotel lilith #hazbin hotel roo #roo hazbin hotel #lilith hazbin hotel #lucifer hazbin hotel #adam hazbin hotel #alastor hazbin hotel #charlie hazbin hotel

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teyamsatan · 1 year

Text

The Archer | Chapter II: Out of the Woods

Chapter I Chapter II Chapter III Chapter IV Chapter V Chapter VI Chapter VII Chapter VIII Chapter IX Chapter X

Summary: A fight with Neteyam makes you run to the forest with the rest of the Sully kids, right into the arms of the enemy. You come face to face with a man you never thought you'd ever get to see.

Pairings: Neteyam x Avatar!Reader

Word Count: 10,2k words

Warnings/notes: smut(18+, minors DNI!), angst, mentions of death, disease, blood, violence, cursing, SPOILERS for ATWOW

A/N: I am writing this at 2am, so my apologies for any grammar errors, I am exhausteddd!! I don't know if you can tell, but I am actually really struggling writing any of the scenes (particularly action scenes) from the movie, and describing what is happening on the screen is the bane of my life. Also, sometimes I can't understand what the dialogue is and I can't find the script or english subtitles and it makes me unnecessarily upset. Also my inspo for the dad is Oscar Isaac cause wow what a man. Can he be my daddy too? Hahahaha ok i'm so tired i'm gonna go to sleep enjoyyy x

Remember when I hit the brakes too soon? Twenty stitches in a hospital room

When you started crying, baby, I did too, but when the sun came up, I was looking at you

Remember when we couldn't take the heat? You walked out, you said "I'm setting you free"

But the monsters turned out to be just trees, when the sun came up you were looking at me

You watched Neteyam leave the comfort of your shared tent and you instantly knew he felt horrible about what he said. You knew he didn’t mean it, but in this moment, you didn’t care. He had to have meant it to a certain degree for it to come out so easily out of his mouth.

As you were preparing to leave, unable to spend the night in this place, in this tent, where everything hurt, where every corner had photos and trinkets and memories that you couldn’t bear look at in this moment, you heard a squeaky voice you loved break through the unbearable silence. You were a mess, you knew, paint splattered all over your face, neck and torso, seeping into the woven fabric of your top, but you wouldn’t deny her - you couldn’t.

“Come in, Tuk-tuk.”

She gently opened the flap and walked in sheepishly, carrying your mother’s guitar that you gifted to her almost a year ago.

“I’m sorry about Neteyam.” She looked so sad you almost started crying again, this pure soul who felt and cared for everything around her, listened to everyone and always made you feel important, always made you feel heard.

You knelt and opened your arms in her direction, and you saw her place the guitar carefully on the ground and run into your open arms.

“Oh, my dear girl, you have nothing to be sorry about. That is between me and him, it has nothing to do with you, alright, baby?”

“But it does have to do with me, because he is wrong. You have a family, you have always had a family. We’re your family. Sullys stick together.”

The tears started as if completely independent from the rest of your body, and you couldn’t stop the cry that made its way out of your throat without your consent. This little girl you loved so much managed to undo so much of her brother’s mistakes in just a few words, and you felt so grateful to have her in your life, so grateful to have someone to call a sister.

“Baby, I was going to go wash this whole day off, would you like to come with me? We can take Neyn, we can bring the guitar, you can sing to me the song I showed you?”

“Yay, adventure time!”

You chuckled at this 9 year old who reminded you a lot of Lo’ak at her age, always up for new experiences, as long as it avoided the boredom of the mundane. You knew you were going to get in trouble with Jake and Neytiri for taking their youngest away at night, but right now you just needed to be away from here, and you couldn’t find it in your heart to turn away this precious soul who just made you less miserable in just a few minutes.

You sneaked out of your tent, feeling stupid for feeling like you had to sneak out in the first place, like you were an unruly teenager, not a full-grown adult who just got her heart broken by her mate. He should be sneaking out. As a matter of fact, he should be sneaking in, begging on his knees for your forgiveness, like he used to when he was young. I guess that’s just another thing that has changed in the year you have become mated. You signalled for Tuk to get on your ikran, who was dozed off next to the rest of your family’s, and you cursed yourself for waking her up after such a traumatic day.

“I’m sorry, sweet girl.” You said with a kiss on her snout, and she cooed affectionately at you. You made the tsaheylu and you couldn’t feel any fear, anxiety or frustration in her thoughts, which put your mind at ease a little, and, with a hand on the neural whip and the other wrapped tightly around Tuk’s chest, you took flight.

It was a short trip to the cave you and Neteyam come to all the time, the one that had a small subterranean lake that you would sometimes wash in. The water was absolutely freezing, never seeing the light of day, but it was peaceful and clean, and that sounded as good to you as heaven right now. You dove in without a second thought, the freezing water inundating all your senses, healing all the wounds that were scratching painfully at your heart.

Why would he say that?

I mean, you did attack him about saving his baby brother, who would have probably died if it wasn’t for him.

He should’t have to keep saving Lo’ak at his own expense.

He shouldn’t have to, but he does. Lo’ak wants to prove himself, and Neteyam is a protector by nature. It’s like asking water to not be wet.

I want to kill Lo’ak.

No, you don’t. Because you understand Lo’ak. You’re sad for Lo’ak, for always living in his brother’s shadow, for always getting the cold shoulder from his dad, who you also know is just being harsh because he has to be, because no one else can be.

What if he dies? What do I do then?

Your mind didn’t have a quippy answer to that - or any answer at all. You were left alone, with no answers and enough terror to fill this whole floating cave and overflow around it. You emerged from the water and got on your back, just floating aimlessly, trying to get your heart to stop pounding in your chest and the tears stop pricking at your eyes. What if he dies?

“Can I swim with you?”

Tuk’s question pulled you out of your frightened contemplation, and you realised you have probably been unnervingly quiet for too long.

“It’s really cold, Tuk-tuk, I don’t want you to get sick. How about I take you to a warmer lake tomorrow and we can swim together, would you like that?”

“YES!”

“Can I come, too?”

The deep voice stopped you in your tracks, and you almost drowned when your feet stopped paddling underwater to keep you upright.

“NETEYAM!” Regardless how upset Tuk was at her older brother’s words, Neteyam would always be her favourite. Her favourite sibling, her favourite family member. Some people in the village loved asking Jake and Neytiri whether Tuk was more a mother’s or a father’s girl, but in reality, Tuk was her brother’s girl.

“Hi, Tuk. What are you doing here? You want to give mother and father a heart attack?” The little girl’s face was nestled in Neteyam’s neck, hidden from sight behind his long braids that moved as she chuckled.

“I wanted to keep my sister company.”

“You need to go to sleep, parultsyìp. How about I take you back home and then I can keep her company?”

“Will you apologise?”

Neteyam shifted uncomfortably on his feet, and looked to the ground - he was embarrassed.

“Yes, I will apologise. Come, let’s go.” He let her down and patted her back affectionately to get her to go ahead before him.

“Please don’t leave? I’ll come as soon as I make sure she’s with my parents.” He looked at you pleadingly, begging you silently. A year ago you would have ran for the hills, took off to not be found by anyone, but just like so many other things, this has also changed. You weren’t a child anymore, careless and impulsive, controlled by your never-ending grief and anger; you had to be better. You were someone’s daughter now, someone’s mate, someone’s sister. You were a future Tsa’hik, you were one of the best warriors in the clan. People depended on you. Despite what Neteyam so cruelly told you, you did have a family. And he was part of it. So you would wait.

You nodded without looking at him, and you heard him sigh in relief. He placed something on the ground before he turned on his heels with Tuk in his arms, and you noticed with a sudden burst of pain felt all within you that it was a flower bouquet. That’s why he took so long…

You washed yourself properly now that you were alone, and when you got out, you noticed the guitar that Tuk forgot to pick up with her still resting on a wall of the cave. You sat next to it, back resting on the same wall, and picked it up, your mind immediately wandering to your mum. With everything going on around you, you have not been able to visit the Tree of Souls after your consciousness transfer. It’s been a year since you saw your mum as you lay dying and you regretted every day not going back to visit, to see if you could see her again, see if Eywa would be able to bring her back to you, at least in this way. The guitar was tiny in your hands now, but you could still play the chord if you were really careful. You started strumming a song, and let yourself sing to let out the hurt and fright.

Looking at it now, it all seemed so simple, we were lying on my couch, I remember

You took a Polaroid of us, and then discovered the rest of the world was black and white, but we were in screaming colour

Your bracelet hanging from my hand, the night we couldn’t quite forget, when we decided

To move the furniture so we could dance, baby, like we stood a chance, two paper airplanes flying

And I remember thinking, are we out of the woods yet? Are we in the clear yet?

Are we out of the woods yet? Are we in the clear yet?

“Well… we are definitely out of the woods.”

You saw Neteyam’s shadowy figure slowly walking towards you, deeper in the cave, the silhouette of his body and the braids swinging from of side to the other to only thing you can make out in the darkness. You glared in his direction and he winced, already regretting his words.

He sat down in front of you, with his legs crossed so your knees were touching. He reached a hand to your knee and caressed it gently.

“Thank you for waiting.”

You refused to look at him, instead opting for the dimly illuminated lake to your left, that twinkled every time a drop of water would fall from the ceiling. You traced the stalactites and their curious shapes, fascinated with they clung to the wall, when you felt Neteyam’s hand on your cheek, softly turning your face to face him.

“Atan, please, look at me. I can’t stand it when you refuse to look at me.”

Tears fell from your eyes like water from the roof of the cave, and eventually you looked at him, and saw his pained expression, and you knew how bad he felt. You could feel it in your soul, his misery, but it did very little to comfort you. It was easy to feel bad after the fact.

“Atan… I am so sorry. I could never express into words how sorry I am, I will pay my whole life for what I said, what I spat at you in a moment of stupid anger. I just want you to know that it isn’t true. What I said, it isn’t true. You’ve always had a family. You’ve always had us, and Norm and Max. You’ve always had me. I have been your family my whole life, and I am so, so sorry. There’s no excuse for what I said.”

“I forgive you.” You placed your hand on his chest when you noticed him trying to get close to you. ‘I’m not finished.”

“I forgive you. But I need some time.”

“What do you mean you need some time?”

“I mean, I have to figure out how I will do this. How I could possibly do this. How I can watch the man I promised to spend the rest of my life with kill himself before the rest of my life can ever come, and learn to ever be ok with it.

You were right. I never had a family. I had a mum who didn’t want to live past my tenth birthday, friends I cared for, but that lived in a completely different world to mine, people that tried to be there for me but I pushed them away, a dead dad and you. A guy I loved my whole life who left me without saying goodbye. I’ve never had a family.

But I have one now. And you’re right. You’re right, it isn’t a choice. If I had to choose between my life any of yours, I would give mine up in an instant. And there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to make sure you are safe. So I do get it. But that doesn’t mean that I can watch you do it.

I know how hard this is on you… how much this enormous unspoken pressure weighs on you. Being Olo’eyktan, being the oldest son, the big brother, the protector. I know you won’t say it, and you won’t complain, but I know. You have nightmares, and you cry in your sleep. You cry for your dad, and for Lo’ak… for Tuk… for me. I hoped that you would talk to me about it, and I’ll be here to listen when you feel ready. I’m sorry you feel like you have to go through this alone.

But I don’t know if I can’t stand and watch you kill yourself. Because it will kill me too. So until I figure it out, I need some time.”

Neteyam was shedding silent tears that refused to stay hidden, and he felt his heart break at all your words, each one harder to hear than the last. Time? He didn’t have time. Time was for a different period of your lives, before the humans came, when you were young and wild and free to run through the forest whenever you pleased. Time was for when you made him sit through an entire season of a show he couldn’t understand half the words to, but he was just happy to sit in silence next to you, hearing your laughter bless his ears, his mind, his soul. Time was for when he took his siblings through the forest to forage for rocks and beads because Kiri wanted to make them all something special to wear for his second birth. There was no more time, no more future, no more past. Just the now, waiting to see what the humans have planned next, what hell they’ll rain on this planet this time, and who will suffer as a consequence.

“Atan…”

“I don’t want to put you out, so I will go sleep with the rest of the Avatars for a while. I have work to do in the lab anyway, so it’ll probably work better this way anyway.”

Neteyam saw you get up from where you sat, deep coldness settling where your knees weren’t touching him anymore and dispersing all throughout his body. He saw your back turn and you made your way out of the cave, stopping to pick up the flowers that he spent an hour collecting for you. You brought them closer to your face and smelled them, smiling sadly.

“Thank you for the flowers. It’s good to know at least some things haven’t changed. I love you, Neteyam. I’m sorry.”

Neteyam couldn’t find it in him to get up from the floor, and he felt the hopelessness envelop him like a blanket that he was suffocating under. What was he supposed to do? What did this mean? Is this a human thing? Neteyam remembers when you were much younger and you had to explain to him the concept of a “break”, after making him sit through a whole Friends marathon. Is this what this was? You were asking him for a break? Were you breaking up with him? Today just feels like a never-ending nightmare, and he was hoping that you would wake him up, like you always did, comforting him and singing him back to sleep. He didn’t have it in him to go back to the camp, so he lay on the cold ground of the cave, and let himself fall into a restless slumber - even if real nightmares did invade his subconsciousness, how much worse could they get?

You spent the next few days mostly in the lab, trying to take care of everyone who was affected in the fateful mission that left more than physical scars behind. It was a full-time job, as there were a lot of victims that required surgical intervention, which you were more than happy to do yourself. You’d like to think that it was because it would bring you peace - helping others - but you knew deep down you were also happy to be able to avoid Neteyam. You felt bad for what you said, bad for distancing yourself from someone you loved more than life itself, but you were still hurt and angry, still terrified and paralysed at the thought of losing him. You don’t know what this distance would achieve, but you were hoping for some clarity and perspective.

Norm and Max came in the little lab you turned into an intervention room as you were finishing checking in on the people you operated on a couple days ok, making sure their vitals were normal.

“OK - spill. What happened?” You heard Norm speak over the machines beeping in the room.

“What do you mean?” You removed your gloves and quietly made your way out of the lab.

“You’re never here this much anymore. I’m sure there are better things to be doing, and you know very well me and Max, or hell, Claire and Tim can take care of people post-operatively. We all know how to stitch wounds, Ace.”

“Not as well as me.”

“True, but definitely better than we would be at scouting and hunting, which is what you should be doing. So something happened. Had a fight with Neteyam?”

“Of sorts.”

You reached the dry labs and sat on one of the chairs that you barely fit in anymore; your elbow resting on your thighs, you put your head in your hands and sighed deeply.

“You’re gonna remove all the oxygen in the room if you sigh that hard.”

“We fought about the mission a few days ago. Lo’ak disobeyed Jake and got himself in danger - as usual -, and Neteyam got hit by the explosion as a result. I yelled at him about it, he yelled at me, it got ugly. I told him I need space. So I’m taking space.”

“So that’s why you’re sleeping in our tent. I knew it wasn’t just so you could check on people easier. Liar.”

“It’s not a complete lie, but yeah.”

“So what were you yelling to each other about?”

“So I said -“

Loud commotion happened around you as the door to the outside opened and in came Lo’ak, Kiri and Spider.

“Yeah, haha, real hysterical, you guys. You know what really sucks, though? That you can breathe the air here for hours, and I can only breath your air for like ten seconds.”

“Yeah, monkey boy, that really sucks. For you.”

Spider and Kiri have always been close, but recently, you felt a shift in their dynamic. It was a lot more flirtatious than friendly, and you couldn’t help wonder if there is something going on beneath the surface. Their interactions reminded you a lot of you and Neteyam’s before he left, just intimate enough they didn’t feel platonic anymore. Having been in Spider’s shoes, if there was, you felt bad for him. It was a slow poison, loving someone you know you could never have - whose body is literally incompatible to your own. You have always felt bad that you got an Avatar and Spider didn’t. In reality, you felt like he deserved it more. He has always been so connected to the Na’vi, so inseparable from the Sullys, so desperate for a family and a sense of belonging. Nobody knew this, but you were working hard to try to see if it was possible to build him one too. It would take time, but with the new technology and supplies the humans brought with them, maybe it wasn’t a pipe dream anymore.

Kiri finally acknowledged your presence.

“Hey, everyone!”

“Hey, kids!” Max chipped in enthusiastically. He loved when the Sullys came to visit.

“Hey, what’s up, Max?”

You didn’t look at Lo’ak, although he came really close to you and sat on a chair in front of yours. He moved on the chair until he was face to face with you, and put both of his hands on either side of you on the arm rests to force you to face him.

“Angel, are you going to be upset with me forever?”

You scowled at him and he smiled, and you melted a little. You could never stay mad at Lo’ak.

“You are a public menace, do you understand this?” it was his turn to scowl now, and he turned his gaze away from you - he seemed upset. You took his face in both your hands and brought his gaze back to yours.

“Lo’ak, I need you to be more careful. Please. I can’t lose you. And I can’t lose Neteyam, who will die one day trying to protect you. I know it’s hard, I know there’s so much you want to do and so much you want to prove, but please. Try?” You were looking at him as seriously and warmly as you could, pleading him to hear you, pleading that he would listen. He looked at you intently for a long time, and eventually, he nodded softly, looking remorseful. You moved his head downward a little so you had better access to his forehead and you gave him a quick peck, and noticed the slight purplish tint of his cheeks. You could never stay mad at Lo’ak.

“We’re going to go take a walk in the woods, come with us, please? I know you’re mad at Neteyam, but you can’t stay here forever. Even Norm and Max go out more than you.”

“Lo’ak, you shouldn’t be walking through the woods, you know this.”

“We’re not going to go far. We’re even taking Tuk, you know we would never put her in any danger.”

You raised an eyebrow at him. “She blackmailed you to come, didn’t she?”

You saw Lo’ak rolls his eyes and huff in annoyance. “…yes.”

“Fine, I’m literally only coming to make sure Tuk is safe.”

“I’ll take it. Let’s go, gang!!”

You had to admit it felt really good to be out, to just run on the huge vines that connected the Hallelujah mountains to the ground and to each other. It felt like a blessing to be able to still enjoy these views, these moments with your siblings, even amidst the chaos that was erupting everywhere around you. You went like this for ages, and even though you knew you should have gone back, knew Lo’ak was again pushing his luck and the safety of everyone here, you couldn’t find it in you to stop him. You wanted this, you craved the warmth and safety the forest gave you, your forever home, your forever first love. Even the thought of returning back to camp in a couple hours made you sad. So you decided to focus on the now, and just enjoy the time you’ve got.

It was close to eclipse when you decided to make your way back. The kids were not allowed past curfew, and you didn’t want to risk it, especially with Tuk around. You were disappointed, but not surprised when Lo’ak stopped in his tracks and moved away from your path to inspect something he found on the ground.

“What is it?” Kiri said, in an exasperated tone, and you found yourself mirroring her sentiments.

You saw Lo’ak and Spider hovering over a patch on the ground and you decided to go investigate.

“We’re always supposed to be home by eclipse.” You heard Tuk join in.

Your mouth dropped at the sight in front of you. Shoe prints, made by boots that couldn’t be worn by any human. You recognised the pattern of the sole, as you have seen it before among clothes worn by the RDA soldiers. Military combat boots. Your heart was thumping in your chest at the only possible explanation. You started looking around you, and you felt the all-too-familiar dread building in your stomach, greeting you like an old friend. You barely registered the words that Spider and Lo’ak were exchanging.

“It’s way too big for a human.”

“Avatars?”

“Maybe, but for sure not ours.”

You saw Lo’ak move towards where the footprints were headed, and you tried to will your legs to move, to stop them, tried to will yourself to speak, but you couldn’t find the words, just dread. Just pure fear at every possible scenario that could take place, your mind computing all your worst nightmares and displaying them to you like on an outdoor cinema screen. Eventually, you started moving your legs and made your way in front of Lo’ak, positioning your body, now just as strong and tall as his, in front of him.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

“I’m tracking.”

“Are you out of your goddamn mind?” You were trying so hard to keep your voice down, but it was hard to do when you felt rage replacing the anxiety and spilling over all around you.

“Angel, we have to see who it is. Whoever it is will never find us, this is our territory. We have to bring back the intel, and what are we going to say when dad asks us what did we see? We need to find out more.”

“Lo’ak, we are not prepared for this. I don’t have my gun, or a radio, or my bow. I have a knife. I’m not putting Kiri and Tuk in danger. We can go back and we can track tomorrow and figure it out. We know they’re Avatars. What you don’t know is that they’re military.”

You saw his face drop. “Yeah, that’s right. Those boots? They were worn by the RDA soldiers that murdered so many of our people. They’re larger now, but the imprint on them is the same. They fucking brought Avatar soldiers here this time. This is fucking serious. We have to go.”

He thought about it for a while. You hoped that he would listen, you hoped that he would abide by what you talked about only a few hours ago.

“We will be careful. We will keep our distance. Let’s just see what they’re doing, at least.”

You growled at him loudly, but said nothing, and the shock overtook your body when you realised that you were following him. You tried to tell your body to move, to take Kiri and Tuk and leave, but you couldn’t. You couldn’t leave him or Spider, couldn’t bear the thought of them getting hurt and you not being there to help. Fuck, you owed Neteyam an apology.

You followed the tracks for a while, until you found them, and you kept your distance in the bushes and observed quietly. You could see six people in the clearing where 19 years ago, Jake and Neytiri defeated Quaritch, Spider’s dad. It was a forbidden place, cursed by dark, ominous energy that will plague this land for many years to come. The people were clearly Avatars, dressed in camo outfits, carrying so much weaponry it was making your knees shake. Every cell in your body was begging you to move, begging you to run, but you couldn’t, not until Lo’ak the rest of them were safely behind you. So you waited, trying to gather as much information as you could. The Avatars were searching the hub for any sign of recent life, and they took particular interest in exo-suit that you know belonged to Quaritch. In it, there were 2 arrows that you recognised as Neytiri’s, the emerald green feathers a dead giveaway. You never knew exactly how Spider’s dad died, and neither did he, so you wondered what feelings were plaguing him watching this unfold.

“We are never supposed to be here.” Kiri says, in a forceful tone. “Dad is going to ground you…”

“Shh, Kiri.” Lo’ak said exasperatedly, talking over his sister. “…for life.”

“Bro, we have got to check this out.”

You put your arm in front of the two boys. “Absolutely not. This is as far as we go. Call this in, now. I don’t have my radio.”

“No, bro, we’re gonna get in trouble.” You gave Spider a death stare, at his seemingly unending recklessness.

“Call it in, now. I’m not going to repeat myself again.”

“You sound like dad.”

Neteyam’s mood has been in a rapid decline over the last few days. He hasn’t seen you since that night, clear to him you were doing anything in your power to avoid him. Instead of thinking of the potential demise of your relationship and how that put his fucking heart through the meat grinder, he instead decided to bury himself in work and training, and try to spend some time with his parents that he very rarely seemed to talk to anymore outside of war-talk. His childhood was long gone, he realises - where he was just a kid, surrounded by so much love it was almost suffocating, full of laughter and joy, full of his dad’s Earth stories and his mum’s impressions, full of hope and light. His parents were now soldiers, generals, commanders, and he was just a subordinate, a corporal trying to help out in the best way he knew how. There were definitely perks to being an adult, and Neteyam could list just about all of them staring in between your legs, but there were times, such as now, that he wishes his parents would be his parents again, and he could just be a little kid again, spoiled, cherished and unencumbered by life’s tragedies.

The three of them were high in the Hallelujah mountains, returning from a full day of scouting and tracking, when Lo’ak’s voice through the radio interrupted his train of thought.

“Devil Dog, Devil Dog, this is Eagle Eye, over.”

“Eagle Eye, send your traffic.”

“I got eyes on some guys. They look like Avatars, but they’re in full camo and carrying ARs. There’s six of them, over.”

“What’s your post?”

“Um... We’re at the old shack.”

“Who’s we?”

“Me, Spider, Kiri…Quickscope…and Tuk.”

Neteyam’s knees felt like they were buckling underneath him. He was dizzy, and he felt Seze’s flight becoming unsteady as his mind was collapsing into a puddle of mush. Lo’ak… Spider… Kiri… Tuk… and you. His whole world. He could lose everything in a second. What the fuck were all of you doing in the forest? Why the fuck were all of you in the one place that was strictly forbidden? If it was Lo’ak and Spider he could maybe understand the stupidity, but you? The thought that you went along with this, with Tuk next to you boiled his blood - it was easier to be angry than to admit how immeasurably scared he actually was.

“Son, you listen to me very carefully. Pull back right now, do not make a sound, and get the hell out of there. Move. Copy?”

“Yes, sir, moving out.”

Neteyam’s entire body was lit up with pure adrenaline, coursing through his veins like ice water, sharpening his senses. He had to save you. All of you. He had to do something.

“Dad. I know a quick way.” He didn’t stop to see if his parents were following, but he heard his mother letting out a war cry behind him, so he assumed they were. He had to save you. He couldn’t lose you again.

“You’re gonna be in so much trouble.” You heard Kiri whispering to her brother.

“Kiri, stop. This is not the time.” You heard yourself say. You were gonna kill Lo’ak yourself, but right now, you just had to focus on getting out of here. Getting them out of here.

You saw Tuk run ahead and you wanted to tell her to slow down, but she spoke before you. “It’s almost eclipse, come on!!”

Out from the bushes came Avatars, so many of them they outnumbered you at least 2 to 1. A woman grabbed Tuk, holding her tightly and you hissed aggressively and pulled out your knife from its sheath, but you knew immediately it would do very little against so many military people carrying fucking machine guns that were pointed at your face, and worse, at the faces of the people you loved.

You heard the Avatars screaming at you, telling you all to put down your weapons, and you did, knowing there was no other choice. This wasn’t a battle you could win, this wasn’t even a battle you could start. You saw Lo’ak throw his bow on the ground, but Spider was unrelenting.

“Drop it. Drop it.” Lo’ak warned Spider in Na’vi, and you thanked your lucky star that he was being at least a tiny bit reasonable.

You were pulled forcefully by someone tugging you by your hair and pinning your arms together, holding them tightly, mirroring what was happening to your siblings around you. Tuk was crying, and your heart tugged at the sound, desperate to help her, a deep maternal instinct rising within you, and you felt rage and adrenaline fill your body.

A few more Avatars made their way to the group. One of them looked a little older, and by the way all the others shifted towards him subconsciously, you reckoned he was the leader. Two men were following him closely, and a profound, unsettling feeling overcame you. They looked…familiar. The first one was bald. The second one had wavy hair and looked slightly different than all the others. He looked…dignified. Like he didn’t quite belong. Like his clothes were unbecoming on his body. You somehow felt you knew this man, and when you looked next to him at the first guy and his tattoo, at the girl holding Kiri… when you looked closely at all of them, your body jerked violently and your mouth fell agape.

It couldn’t be… no…

Quaritch. Weinfleet. Pike.

…Your dad…

You didn’t understand what you were feeling at the moment, a mix that you have never experienced before, but at the forefront was gaping confusion and horror, shock and fear, and deep within you, maybe even a little bit of excitement. Could that actually be your dad? How is that possible? You buried his bones, you saw Weinfleet’s skeleton in the forest, you just saw Quaritch’s at the Shack. How could this be?

You saw Weinfleet stalk towards you and he took a hold of your hand and forcefully brought it up. “Colonel, check it out. Four fingers. We’ve got a half-breed.”

They thought you were Na’vi. Good. They realised you were born with Avatar blood, so you were most likely Jake’s. That made you valuable to them. Bad. The man behind you was pulling on your queue to lift your chin up so Quaritch can look at you properly. They were pulling on your arm and you felt pain all over, that was overshadowed by so many other emotions flooding your being. He inspected you shortly, and then moved on to Kiri and Lo’ak.

“Show me your fingers.” Lo’ak brought both his hands up and flipped him off. You would laugh if your body could still produce any ounce of serotonin.

You saw Quaritch smile crudely, eyeing Lo’ak up and down. “You’re his, aren’t you?” He continued smiling as Lo’ak hissed at him and took him by his hair, pulling him towards his eye level.

“Where is he?”

“Sorry, I don’t speak English…with assholes.”

“Where is your father?” His accent was thick, and he butchered the words and pronunciation, but there was no mistaking what he wanted. Jake. So this is what it was all about. Even after 19 years, the RDA was willing to spend hundreds of millions of dollars in order to eliminate the Olo’eyktan. It was a good investment, you thought, considering there was only so much the humans can do with Jake in the picture. You wondered what they were willing to do to get to him. Would they kill you off, one by one? Would your dad kill you to get to Jake?

Lo’ak said nothing, only hissing in pain when the man kept tugging at his queue aggressively. You heard wails all around you coming from Kiri and Tuk, but you were focused on only one thing. Figuring out an escape route. You knew Neytiri and Jake were on their way, since Lo’ak alerted them to your location. It was only a matter of time before they arrived. Eclipse was also only about 10 more minutes away, so you would have the cover of darkness soon, which was an advantage to you, but not to them. Lucky for you, they tied your hands in front of you, which means you could still use them. You probed the strength of the hand ties, and realised quickly you weren’t getting out of them without a knife. The man holding you was keeping you close to his body. You recoiled in disgust, but tried to shimmy your body into him to feel for any possible things you could use. He was wearing an army vest. You felt grenades and ammo poking you in the back. You moved subtly a bit more, making it seem like the position was just uncomfortable, and felt a military knife holder in your lower back. Bingo.

Quaritch took out a knife, and threatened Lo’ak with it, but soon moved along the line to Kiri. There was screaming coming from all the boys, but Spider’s voice broke through and Quaritch turned around to face him. It must be a weird sight to see, a human amongst the Na’vi, clearly young enough to have been raised here. You wondered if Spider connected the dots, if he figured out who the man standing if front of him was. You gave silent thanks to your mum and the scientists for the Avatar again.

“What’s your name, kid?”

“Spider… Socorro.”

Quaritch’s face changed, the sly smirk faltered and his expression was shocked, when it dawned on him the kid standing in front of him was his son.

Neteyam and his parents landed as eclipse set in, enveloping the nature in bioluminescent glow. It would be beautiful if he wasn’t on the edge of losing his goddamn mind. He grabbed his bow and patted Seze before he made his way towards the shack. His dad turned around and put a hand in front of him. Neteyam’s nose flared at the words he knew were coming.

“No, no. You stay with the ikran.”

“No.”

“Neteyam…” his mother was trying to defuse the situation the best way she knew how.

“I’m not going to say it again.”

“You are not leaving me behind. I am older than mum was when the Sky People attacked the first time. My mate is out there. My brothers and sisters. I am coming.”

Neteyam saw his dad looking at him intently, thinking about it for a while. Eventually, he relents and nods curtly.

“You stay behind, do you read me, boy? Your mother and I will go first, so they think it’s just two of us. You stand and attack from behind when the opportunity arises.”

Neteyam agreed, although still disappointed. It was better than nothing.

“Let’s go.”

After splitting from his parents, Neteyam made his way quietly through the forest to a high point by which he could spot you and his siblings. He gasped silently and he could feel his heart in his throat, making him pant in shallow breaths, that were leaving him dizzy and disoriented. So many Avatars, all in military clothing, all carrying heavy guns, all holding at knifepoint the people he loved most in the world. He saw you and his breath stopped altogether, wet hair and a concerned, but focused expression on your face. Your eyes were scanning all of them, scanning the forest, it’s almost like you could tell they were here, that he was here.

From far away, he heard his mum’s signature distress signal echoing through the forest. It was inconspicuous enough that to the undiscerning ears it probably sounded like a bird or a forest animal, but Neteyam saw all of your ears perk and your heads snapping in the direction it came from. Neteyam knew you were all trained for this, trained for emergency situations, and he felt a tug of gratitude for his father’s military ways that will most likely save their lives tonight.

The unmistakable sound of Neytiri’s call brought relief that washed over you like the raindrops falling from the sky. You knew then the kids will be alright. You looked at Lo’ak and you nodded almost imperceptibly in the direction of the guy at your 12 o’clock who was facing you both and had a smoke bomb clearly displayed on his vest. He looked at it and nodded back, and you knew he understood. You got this.

With a loud thud that declared the beginning of the rescue mission, the man holding both Kiri and Spider was knocked to the ground, a green arrow sticking out of his forehead. The man holding you pushed you aside to get his gun, and without a second thought, you removed the knife from his holder and slit his throat. The blood went all over you, on your face and torso, but you didn’t care.

“LO’AK!” You screamed, and the boy released the pin from the smoke bomb, enveloping the whole area in green smoke.

You stabbed another man in the neck at the same time Lo’ak and Tuk bit the people holding them, and ran for the woods. Good.

You managed to run as well, trying to dodge the barrage of gunshots being released all around you, but you felt someone harshly pulling you backwards by your queue. You cried out, as pain dispersed from your spine all around you body, but the pull stopped when the woman who grabbed you got an arrow on the side of her head that came out the other side. The shot came from a different angle, and you knew that was Neteyam. You ran as soon as you were released, making sure to take the machine gun she was carrying in her hand before you sprinted to a tree that could provide cover.

You took a few deep breaths to calm yourself, and poked your head out so you could shoot whoever was still alive. You realised from the angle you were at, you had a perfect shot…that would kill your dad. Was this man even your dad? Would sparing his life for your own twisted desperation for answers and closure cost your new family theirs? Your finger went to the trigger, putting slight pressure on it. Just a little more pressure, and it would be over. Tears welled in your eyes and with a silent curse and gasped breaths, you lowered your gun and got back undercover.

“Is that you, Mrs. Sully? I recognise your calling card.”

“Why don’t you come on out, Mrs. Sully? You and I, we’ve got some…unfinished business.”

You saw the kids running in the distance, and you felt so much safer, so much gratitude in knowing they were going to be okay. That’s all that mattered in this moment, that Tuk, and Kiri, and Lo’ak and Spider make it back home in one piece.

“DEMON! I will kill you as many times as I have to.” Neytiri’s voice sent shivers down your spine, so much hatred, so much intensity behind it.

“Guess you and the corporal got pretty busy, haven’t you? Got yourself a whole litter of half-breeds.”

You saw the reflection of the gun in the corner of your eye before you had a chance to process it, and you heard a man scream “Na’vi!”, followed by the unmistakable sound of shots being fired where you stood. You saw the bullets like in slow motion, and you knew then you were done for. You were just happy everyone else was going to make it. You were happy Neteyam was going to make it. You closed your eyes in anticipation of the pain, but the pain you expected never came. Instead, you were pushed to the ground and another type of pain, the pain the came with scratches all over your body and the wind getting knocked out you, brought you back to reality and you registered Neteyam’s unmistakable pheromones flooding your entire being.

“MOVE! GO, GO, GO!” He helped you to your feet and you both ran as fast as your feet could possibly carry you. You made it to a tree where you found Jake, and his presence calmed your thoughts and focused them - that was the effect he had on people, this great man and leader that you knew you would follow anywhere without question.

He touched you arm and spoke to both of you.

“Are you okay?” You and Neteyam nodded quickly.

“You ready? You ready?!” You saw him get out of cover and shoot, and you both sprinted for the hills, manoeuvring your way through thick shrubbery and tree roots, knowing that you wouldn’t have been able to do this even a few months ago, this level of athleticism and acrobatics that came naturally only to true Na’vi.

You heard a big explosion behind you and you saw part of a big web of roots get destroyed as a result, and Spider falling a few meters beneath it. You and Neteyam were preparing to run back, but Jake stopped you, placing a firm hand in front of your bodies. You saw Neytiri picking Kiri up forcefully and running with her towards your direction, as the girl was looking back to where Spider was.

Lo’ak and Tuk made it to your location as well, and you saw Jake kneel next to Tuk and hold her tightly in his arms as she cried, the weight of all you have all survived settling in all your bones. You hugged Neytiri like you never have before as you both cried, letting it all out, all the relief and fear and shock and happiness that you all made it out alive.

“THANK YOU, GREAT MOTHER! THANK YOU!”

Lo’ak’s voice echoed through the forest. “Where’s Spider?”

You looked at your sister, whose eyes looked like endless pools of sadness. “They took him! They took him!”

There were no words spoken as you all made your way back to camp. There were no words for what just happened. The adrenaline slowly depleted its resources in Neteyam’s body, leaving him in shambles, scrambling to figure out where to go from here. What were the next steps? Your back was flush against his chest, and the feeling of your skin on his, of your warmth emanating from your body, of your hand wrapped around his arm was the only thing that kept him from breaking down into a million pieces. You were here, his siblings were here. His thoughts flashed to Spider, and he knew he couldn’t think about it too much without tears welling in his eyes. He wasn’t close to Spider, definitely not nearly as close as the rest of his siblings, but he was family. Seze landed softly on the ground by the entrance to the camp. It was late, so most people were out for the night. You didn’t let go of him, not for one second, and he was so happy to see you again, so happy to feel you again, so sad it had to be under these circumstances. His family slowly made their way to the tent, but Neteyam felt you pull him back, urging him to let them go ahead without you.

He saw you properly for the first time since the whole ordeal. You had mud all over you, but that was nothing compared to the blood covering your entire face and chest. Tears were falling down your cheeks and neck, and his hands immediately found your face, just as his lips found yours. It was soft in the beginning, tentative, like a flower blooming in the morning. But as you came to terms with everything that transpired, everything you went through, everything you could have lost, it shifted, it became desperate and needy, full of breathy moans and wandering hands. He almost lost you.. again.

“Let’s go, please. I can’t be here.” Without any words, you got on Neyn and flew to your secret place. Neteyam’s hand was settled on your heart, that was thumping loudly, mirroring his own. You arrived quickly, the cave only a short distance away.

You ran, without looking at Neteyam and dove straight into the lake, not knowing for sure whether you wanted to reemerge, craving the numbness that came with drowning, craving it like the air that your was body was begging for. You felt the ripples in the water as Neteyam joined you, and when he touched you, your whole body lit ablaze, and the craving changed, as it always did when he was around. You missed him, so so much, and your fight and your need for space felt so silly now, so unnecessary in light of everything that you stood to lose at any moment. Any moment not spent in his presence, in his arms was wasted time, time you didn’t have.

You came up for air, panting from your need for him settled deep within you, so that he could fill the gaping hole that just opened in your soul. He looked at your intensely, and you knew he felt the same, so you kissed him, pouring all your desires into it, feeling him do same to you.

“I need you so badly, Atan. I have missed you so much.”

“Then take me, Neteyam. I’m yours.”

You exited the water and lead him to the mossy grass outside of the cave, where the nature was shining brightly and the wind warmed your skin. You pushed him onto the ground, and straddled him, looking deep in his eyes as you took off your beaded top and unhooked his cummerbund from around his abdomen. He rose from where he was laying on the ground and started planting kisses down your neck and collarbone, making his way down. You moaned at the feeling, and threw your head back, giving him access to you, begging silently for him to never stop. HIs mouth found one of your breasts that he kissed, softly in the beginning before his tongue flickered over your nipple. You started grinding on him, cursing yourself for not removing both your loincloths before. His mouth moved to your other breast, whilst his hands went on to undo your loincloth, that he removed from you and threw to the side. He stopped to undo his own, and you thanked the great mother for whatever unspoken connection you two have always shared.

“I need to feel you, my love. All of you.” His hand went to his queue that he brought forth, and you were so grateful at the sight, aching for the union that will always bind you together, for life.

You gasped loudly at the bond, overwhelmed with the outpouring of emotions emanating from Neteyam. So much pain, and fear and sadness, and so much love, and relief and gratitude all inundating your mind and soul, all making you breathless and dizzy. You both looked in each other’s eyes, both overcome with each other’s minds, both desperately in need of each other’s bodies.

One of his hands resumed his slow torture on your breast while the other wrapped around your throat, until the asphyxiation lead to euphoria you felt deep between your legs, slick dripping all over Neteyam’s hard-on that you were grinding against. His hands let go and the rush of oxygen to your brain made you moan in pleasure, and increase the speed at which you were getting yourself off on his cock. His mouth was all over you, leaving marks that you knew would be seen by everyone in the village tomorrow, but you couldn’t care less. The whole world could burn around you at this point and you wouldn’t care, because there was nothing else. Nothing outside of this, of him, of this feeling.

His hands went to your ass, pushing you deeper on him, urging you to go faster, helping you to your release.

“Fuck, I love it when you fuck yourself on my cock.”

You moaned loudly at his words, feeling your orgasm building up in your core. “That’s right. Come for me, baby girl.”

You threw your head back and rode out your orgasm with his hands on your ass still moving your now puffy and sensitive clit roughly on him.

“You are so beautiful. So fucking beautiful.”

Dazed, you felt yourself being picked up and placed on the ground, your back loving the feel of the wet grass touching your skin. His face was inches from yours, and he lowered it to kiss you, and it was so unlike everything else around you, so tender and soft, so needy and gentle.

“I love you so much. I am so happy you are here.” You cried out and brought him back onto you, kissing him like your life depended on it, which to be honest, you think it did. You felt his dick twitching against your inner thigh and moaned, desperate to feel him deep in your, desperate to be filled.

“Fuck, please.”

He smiles into the kiss, and reached down to line his cock to your folds, teasing your entrance mercilessly.

“Neteyam…” you mewled, not in the mood to be teased, not tonight.

He didn’t need to be told twice, as he pushed in slowly, letting you adjust to his girth, that always took you by surprise, that always stretched you out deliciously. He moaned as he filled you fully, and stopped to enjoy the way you squeezed him, the way you took him in like you wouldn’t ever let him go, your pussy the only prison he wouldn’t mind being held prisoner in forever.

“Fuck, Atan. You’re taking me so well, baby. Always so well, I could get lost in this pussy.”

You were so wet your slick was dripping all over him and down his balls, making it so easy for him to move in an out of you, at a slow, agonising pace. Your hands made their way to his back, hard and muscular, and you dug your nails in it roughly, scratching him as he increased his pace, fucking into you roughly and ruthlessly, making of you a whimpering mess. Your legs wrapped around him to grant him better access, to bring him in deeper, always deeper, until he was hitting a spot you could feel in your whole body, inundating your every cell, your every sense.

“I can feel you squeezing my dick, Atan. I want to hear you coming on my cock, I want to feel you taking my cum like a good girl.”

Your orgasm hit you like a lightning strike, overcharging your every nerve ending until you were so drained you could only see white, and you felt Neteyam’s load fill you to the brim, overflowing around you. Blissfully spent, his head fell on the crook of your neck, and you stood like that, listening to each other’s heartbeats and shallow breaths.

You laughed quietly thinking this was probably the most tame sex of your life, and how even when you were trying to be tempered and soft, you ended up like this, moaning and mewling like your life depended on it. This is what he did to you, what he’ll always be able to coax out of you.

“It’s good to hear you laugh again. So I take it you forgive me?” He rolled from on top of you, and pulled you on from the ground so you can be face to face, as he intently listened to every sound that came out of your mouth. Your queues were still attached, so you could feel the anxiety building in his system. You hoped your lack thereof would put his mind to ease a little.

“Mm, I don’t know if I forgive you, but I have realised something. Actually, I realised two things. First, today, walking through the forest with the kids, I realised that you were right. There’s no other choice, but to follow them to the ends of the world and hope you can at least help them not fall off the edge. And if you have to fall instead, that’s fine as long as they are safe. So I think I owe you an apology.

Secondly, I realised I can’t change who you are, and I don’t want to. I love you. I love how kind and patient and compassionate you are. I love that you love your family, your baby brother so much that his safety comes first in your mind. You love fully, and give everything to the people you love, and that is what makes you a great brother and a great son…a great mate. It’s what will make you the best Olo’eyktan this clan has ever seen… it’s what will make you the best dad. So I can’t change that about you.

But what I can do is make sure I will always be around. I’ll always be next to you, and behind you and in front of you, and I’ll always have your back. So if anything like that ever happens again, I will protect you. And if I can’t protect you, I will heal you. I will stitch your wounds, and mend your broken bones, because putting pieces back together is what I do best, anyway. I won’t have to be scared anymore, cause I’ll just always be there for you. Deal?”

“Deal.” He said as he kissed you tenderly, and you felt the salty taste of his tears on your lips.

You made your way back a couple of hours later, and were shocked to discover the Sullys were still awake. You silently stepped towards the tent where Lo’ak, Kiri and Tuk were hiding, listening in to their parents’ shouted conversation.Kiri motioned for you to come and brought her hand to her lips, urging you to be quiet.

“This thing, this Quaritch, whatever he is, is going to walk right into here, right under Eywa’s nose.”

“I cannot, you cannot ask this. I cannot leave my people. I will not.”

“He’s hunting us, he’s targeting out family.”

“You cannot ask this!” Neytiri was furious, her screams loud and forlorn.“The children, everything they’ve ever known, the forest! THIS IS OUR HOME!”

“He had our children. He had them under his knife.” Jake’s voice was hoarse and pleading, hushed tones hiding the deep hopelessness echoed in his words.

“My father gave me this bow as he lay dying, and he said ‘Protect the people’. You’re Toruk Makto!”

“This will protect the people!”Jake’s voice was raised now, no longer poised, no longer holding back. “Quaritch has Spider, and that kid knows EVERYTHING! He knows our whole operation. He could bring them right in here.”

You felt annoyed at how quick Jake was to assume Spider would betray this family, the only family he’s ever known. Spider was a loud mouth, and he was just as reckless as Lo’ak, but he had a good heart. A strong heart. He is loyal and loves the Sullys and this clan more than he loves his own life, and you thought Jake knew that.

“If the people harbour us, they will die. Do you understand?”

“Look, I’ve got nothing. I’ve got no plan. But I can protect this family. That I can do. And I do know one thing. Wherever we go, this family is our fortress.”

So many thoughts engulfed your mind, so many emotions flooded your being, one more extreme and agonising than the next, but almost like a joke brought about by the universe, the only thing that rang supreme was the realisation the Tiongli was going to get to be Tsa’hik after all.

Taglist (thank you ily x) @changing7 @erenjaegerwifee @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @winchestertitties @puffb4ll @rebeccao03 @ultimatebluff @cottoncandy23 @zaddyneteyamlovergirl @n3t3y4msm4t3 @loquatious-josephi-krakousky

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