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livingasaghost · 3 years

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okay so i always see a bunch of ridiculous aftg headcanons soooo i decided to put my hat in the ring and try it out

this is all about the foxes and their chaotic as hell groupchats

so let’s imagine for a second that this series doesn’t take place in the early 2000s so smart phones exist

periodically the foxes have exchanged numbers with each other - obviously each of the cliques can contact each other, but then throughout that first year there are little things that cause people to give out their numbers

like at some point nicky lets it slip that he’s having trouble with his stats class and out of the blue allison offers to meet up with him because she’s surprisingly like really great at math? so the two of them start up a little text chain where they just shit talk everyone and start a few random bets

and then dan gets katelyn’s number from one of the other vixens and the two of them initially just start texting about game details...which turns into bonding over make-up and girl talk and eventually dan starts inviting katelyn to hang out with her and the fox girls

at first renee is the only one who has everyone’s number because she’s the only one who everyone likes

but then after their big win, renee just puts everyone in one massive groupchat so no one gets left out and they can all bond and it’s just as chaotic as one would expect

at first everyone’s just trying to figure out who’s who, but not everyone has an iphone so all the iphone users are really pissed off at the green bubbles

aaron’s the only one with an android because of course he is

he refuses to switch to an iphone even when the rest of the team BEGS him to bc he “doesn’t see the point”

for the whole summer after neil’s first year, the team keeps trying to pressure him and andrew into upgrading their phones because the team is so sick of what it’s doing to the groupchat

neil doesn’t really know how it all works because he’s still getting used to having a phone and having friends to text, but then everyone starts sending him emojis that don’t show up properly and his phone won’t load any photos they send and the rest of the foxes are so FRUSTRATED bc neil doesn’t seem to notice

eventually, in a shocking turn of events, andrew gets so fed up with the chaos of everyone texting his flip phone that he’s the one who gives in

he shows up at the dorm one day and just hands neil a little baggie with his new iphone

they’re just starting to get it set up when nicky strolls in and IMMEDIATELY takes over, showing neil all about emojis and changing your phone background and saving all the fox contacts

neil is, unsurprisingly, very overwhelmed and slightly terrified, so andrew reaches over and does it all for him, and nicky just looks put out

it takes neil like six months to change any of his contacts or backgrounds or settings because he just doesn’t care

eventually he does manage to set his lockscreen to a really bad photo he took of andrew when he wasn’t paying attention

andrew notices it one day and chooses not to say anything

(he secretly loves it)

when the groupchats start heating up.......neil realizes it’s kind of fun to have a smart phone because it feels like the foxes are with him all the time

after neil and andrew get iphones, the rest of the team decide to make a separate groupchat for just apple users bc no one really texts aaron regularly anyway

at first it’s just a place where people drop details about practices

dan shares news from wymack and abby and then kevin starts giving orders about what the foxes can do better

and somehow that is the tipping point

because everyone hates when kevin starts talking exy

(except neil)

so everyone jumps on him and it’s the perfect icebreaker

nicky is the obnoxious one who sends a ridiculous amount of emojis and gifs and reaction images (neil never knows where he finds them all) - he also sends the most tiktoks. usually ones that are super inappropriate or just plain stupid.

allison texts a lot because she’s always attached to her phone ready for the tea and sometimes she’ll send a really raunchy meme just to spice things up

neil doesn’t really know what’s going on half the time - and he never really scrolls up to see what he’s missed - so if and when he does respond, it’s usually just to ask clarifying questions or give a thumbs up

matt is the one who always checks in to make sure everyone’s doing okay - he’ll send really encouraging texts that people like andrew shit on

one time matt sends everyone a really sweet text over the holidays about how much they mean to him....and then dan just kicks him out of the gc and goes “okay enough of that bullshit i hate u guys xoxo” and andrew gives it a thumbs up

sometimes when he’s bored andrew will just kick out everyone but renee and neil bc why not

kevin is the one who gets kicked out the most

sometimes it’s because he texts about exy, but eventually it just becomes a running joke that they’ll kick him out randomly

like they’ll be in the middle of a conversation and then allison will just boot him out of the gc just to see what he’ll do

usually when this happens kevin will just send an angry message in one of the other gcs telling neil to add him back

it’s usually neil or renee who adds someone back bc they feel bad that people get left out of the gc

renee has this weird obsession with tiktok and she sends them CONSTANTLY like usually they remind her of certain teammates

she’ll send these at all hours of the night bc she has trouble sleeping and that means more time to scroll through the app from hell

and even though it gets on everyone’s nerves, no one can hate renee so they all just kind of....watch the videos and then everyone’s obsessed with tiktok

dan will send memes and things but only when they’re like so ridiculously funny that they get the whole gc wheezing at midnight on a school night

and usually they’re SO ridiculous that they only make sense to dan

“Dan you do realize we have practice tomorrow?”

“matt shut up this girl is talking like MARGE SIMPSON I CANT BREATHE”

most of the foxes text without proper capitalization or punctuation but matt and kevin and neil (and aaron) are all very proper with their texting

dan makes fun of matt all the time bc he doesn’t seem like the kind of person to Use Proper English but matt doesn’t understand why everyone can’t just use capitals when it’s automatic (he doesn’t know how to turn it off)

neil uses proper grammar just bc it doesn’t occur to him to do anything else

andrew uses lowercase bc it reads like a monotone to him and he thinks it’s ~cool~ and he also likes making kevin mad

sometimes he’ll use the wrong punctuation and grammar on purpose just to get kevin to reply to his texts

eventually nicky realizes he can change the group name and the group photo so he starts the most chaotic conversation by dramatically changing it to a snapchat screenshot of neil asleep on andrew’s lap and calling the gc SEXY EXY BESTIES 👅💦

it stays like that for all of two minutes before kevin notices and quickly changes the name to The Foxes

and then it becomes a free for all as everyone tries to be smart and snarky and ridiculous

stans of kevin’s left hand

the foxwhore court

🧡 Neil Josten Fanclub 🧡

life’s like a game of exy🥍

periodically throughout the week someone will change the name as they see fit - normally it’s something stupid but sometimes they’ll start an actual conversation by changing the group name

The Ungrateful Foxes

fuck you kevin

Guys plz be nice to Kevin

YOU KNOW, I GET IT—

The Worst Team in the NCAA

fuck you kevin

GO TO SLEEP NEIL!!!

one time after they’d spent like two weeks being called wymack’s whores, andrew decided he’d had enough of that so he just renamed it 🖕🏻🦊

and they do have a separate gc with wymack (they just don’t need to bother him with all their shitty commentary)

but funny enough, they’re almost worse in the wymack gc

at first wymack tried to control everyone by kicking people out who misbehaved, but then it just kept happening until it was him, kevin and renee left and he had to let it go

now all the foxes will text him at the most random times with the most random of questions

they also have a running joke where they all call him dad

kevin hates it, but wymack secretly thinks it’s hilarious and sweet

“hey dad can we get pizza after practice tomorrow???”

“dad nicky’s being a bitch can you make him run extra laps”

“WAIT DID YOU GUYS KNOW THAT WYMACK IS KEVIN’S ACTUAL DAD??? *blinking man gif*”

kevin starts leaving the gc instead of waiting to be kicked out

#should i do another one of these #this was SO FUCKING FUN #aftg #aftg headcanon #aftg hc #tfc #headcanon #mine #personal

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aks3raao1 · 3 years

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Me, to Luja: So tell me about yourself

Luja: No

Me: ...ma'am I need to write the story—

Luja: Good luck <3

[now that I do think of it, ALTERNATIVE's main duo that's established right at the beginning is literally a chiller but edgier Katsuki and way worse sUrViVe Nagito genderbends]

~~~~~~

Luja Sen, she/her

Anyways, Luja and Romila are friends from middle school (the story starts with the beginning of their high school at AoS (Academy of the Specialised) which was essentially founded by Nyx). Luja gains her Specialisation (Ferrokinesis: The Ability to bend metal) at the age of twelve, so she has it for a lesser time period than Romila.

Luja primarily wants to become a scientist. Her family is happy with that, because it's praised and everything, especially in our society.

She has a gifted child superiority complex. Being a gifted child + Specialised means that she hardly had many friends in school. Her family had tried to get her to socialize....which didn't go down too well.

She believes that most people are annoying because they waste too much time on useless things like gossiping and what not, which she never showed much interest in and doesn't like to be dragged into those nonsense.

She is friends with Romila since they do share the same taste in stuff and were the only Specialised ones in their class. And they kinda stuck together for most of middle school and went into high school.

She has a problem when it comes to seeing Romila since she tends to see her bad parts and is like, "It's a phase" considering that it's not necessarily affecting her. Romila doesn't get too cranky with her since she fascinates her, with her passion™ for science. Also because she isn't all self sacrifice UwU.

Luja cares for her own self above others (but tends to put Romila pretty close to that hierarchy, which is why she's one of the only two Romila trusts during the Mansion of Death (the other person is Kratanos)) however she also does want to keep what friends she has and is generally caring towards them.

She has a genuine love for science and loves to discover how things work and why, and her favourite facet is Physics. She does want to invent things and honestly just make stuff easier for the Specialised who face a LOT of issues, especially when it comes to amenities since the government is an ass about accomodations and they gained the Fundamental Rights like ten years or so ago in the ALTERNATIVE timeline. And they gain an additional right ("The body won't be harmed for science") when they graduate from school, after signing a contract that they dedicate themselves to helping the government when called upon. (The whole contract is stupid and basically oppresses them more especially the punishment for not abiding by it).

With her goal of becoming a scientist, she wants to use her talents to make accomodations specifically for them so that she could have done something.

The things she fears the most is failure. Failing as in being unable to accomplish her goals. She is afraid of it because it's an unknown variable that's constantly haunted her and she's working hard for it to never reach her.

I suppose there's a way for her to confront that fear during the Mid terms at AoS where she essentially "loses" in the practicals due to her......teamwork issues.

Everyone thinks of her as stuck up and isn't interested to listen to her much and since she views the others as annoying people with annoying habits, she tends to fail to regulate them, causing Romila to win instead (yes, it's THAT unfortunate of a situation) in their match, which causes her to review a LOT of things and she tries to see what caused her to lose after having a severe breakdown.

She develops an inferiority complex in respect to Romila and then spends a long time wondering where she went wrong.

Rena (who somehow clung to her) tries to cheer her up but gets turned back halfway, but she still stays on and Luja is like, "Wtf" until she sees Romila going entirely off the deep end (she presents an interesting contrast to how Koldin sees Romila as well, she sees Romila's behavior and considers it as a justification for her own self....she uses Romila to justify herself a lot (since if you asked Romila, Luja was more or less fine according to her since she wasn't being a doormat and stood up for herself) while Koldin sees Romila as the reason he should cling onto his own stuff) and realises that she could be on the path to destruction herself and accepts Rena's help and tries to be more open to others which leads to the Mid terms parallels in the Archenemy of Society arc where she "succeeds" instead and manages to get the class together enough to escape the situation.

However it doesn't mean that her fear of failure has entirely vanished into the blue, she just reviews the ways she can fail better now and works around it to avoid it and has more confidence in her own self. But she is still scared of failing and would love to avoid that more than anything. However she's chiller after that.

Her intelligence is more or less on par with both Romila and Kratanos, making them the three main strategists in the final battle against the bigots (which is basically a rerun of the Mansion of Death situation but way way worse and fucked up and has different leads to it).

....

The thing is that, no matter what I do, she winds up feeling like one dimensional/repetitive, which is something I am trying to amend about all the characters (I mean, I had to revamp a lot of characters so it will probably take me a long long time to actually get to writing.........sigh besides she stands up like a cardboard amongst people (I mean, you have Romila and Kratanos with extremely complicated storylines and then you have her. Just there))

So the main question is how to make her more interesting as a character and on par with the rest while still keeping her character flaws and personality?

I think the easiest way to go abt this is to view her as a sassy Bakugo. They have the main points in common. They're salty, don't like to socialise, feel inferior to a certain someone while still having some semblance of confidence and a terrible fear of failure

Now as much as I hate to compare your character to another one, it makes it a lot easier to have them become - as my English teacher would say - more. So I am sorry if this comes off as offensive-

For Bakugo, he became interesting by playing a big part in the mc's main story and we do get a few scenes where his vulnerability is shown. I assume it's the same with your character but...what rlly ties the knot for me when it comes to Katsuki is the fact that his problems...are more than just an inferiority/superiority complex. His whole thing stems from background especially (*cough* abusive mom *cough*) and the fact that he's not the main character (or rather that the story isn't being told in his perspective).

These facts make us over think and want more of him. The mystery draws us in which is why I think Luja's character is so perfect for someone in the background. She doesn't like to reveal things abt herself and is pretty dismissive to most things on top of that (plainly just salty). Her character rlly draws you in and the best way to portray those kinds of characters is through another character. Ofc, you'd have to get to their POV eventually but it's important to note that most of the details should come from someone else's POV (an observer, if you will) instead of info dumping and starting straight with hers. A character that's mysterious with a very simple yet relatable story attracts a LOT more attention and interest when seen from someone else's perspective than when you kickstart it from theirs.

Ofc, if u are planning (or already have) started the story from her POV, that would be a bit problematic in terms of interest. But not a train wreck. This is where my other point comes in. The point of making a character have more than one problem

Different ppl as well as characters have a main problem but also different ones, no matter what way you look at it. It seems that even you are confused with all ur character's ins and outs (dw, we've all been there... I am still there tbh) and a solution to that is backtracking a bit and looking at their life from the very beginning in HEAVY detail (like more than u already did). Think abt what other trauma could have been caused, what doubts and fears could have slowly crept it's way to her heart and head (I am a sucker for long-lasting doubts that develop over time) and anything you can even so much as GRASP on. If you look at it and see it as a possibility, try to fit that into her character and add it subtly in different places (as subtext or a creative pattern, wordplay, doesn't rlly matter as long as it's not openly stated bc, remember, the key thing to these types of characters is mystery).

For example, a fear of failure can stem into anxiety before the character has even lost smth later in their life. They probably get rlly anxious when evaluating smth but don't show it much or at all so no one notices. This adds even MORE to the character bc you can build it up after other events. Like once they have failed, they could probably get even more anxious and then develop a bad relationship with the person who beat them (double the points if it was a friend). You could build all that up and turn it super toxic instead of jumping right to the healing. It makes it more interesting, doesn't it? Plus, reevaluating almost everything including world views after 1 loss is...kind of hard to believe even with anxiety (no offense)

Adding a lot of little problems and thinking abt how Luja's behaviour can impact other characters helps a terrible lot if ur doing most of the story from her POV. Especially since she's probably the most relatable character (from what I've heard anyway). I have a certain saying... it goes like, "It's better to have a relatable and connecting character than one with a problem that is too big for normal people to fathom."

I like characters with heart-wrenching problems that I would never be able to relate to (take maybe Shigaraki as an example ig?) But my favourite are the ones that make me feel as tho I made a real connection

Also, I would like to say...if ur looking to progress her character even further, I would debate on whether it's the complete end to the novel or if there'll be a second part. If it's a second part, keep some of Luja's issues. Make her get better but not completely "YAY, I AM DONE BEING TORMENTED". If it's the end of the novel/series/etc., make it so that she's resolved most of most of her issues. They don't have to be completely gone but they have to be a lot better compared to how they started. And how i would work that out is a mind map but knowing ur a scatterbrain...lets talk it out where everything is all over the place

Luja's main thing is to gain confidence in herself and be finally ok with losing, right? If you ask me, that's a tough one but not impossible. I think to get her from point A to point B is to put up a bunch of events like:

Get her super anxious when doing smth

Lose to *insert person*

Have a breakdown and over think on what she could have done better (on the project or whatever she lost at)

Get even more anxious and totally mess up the next thing

Lose once again (double points if it's the same person as last time)

Overthinking abt how she's not good enough

F i g h t i n g f r i e n d s c o z d r a m a

"YoU'rE nEvEr GoNnA gEt BeTtEr If YoU kEeP tHiNkInG aBoUt YoUrSeLf"

Over think abt no. 8 bc out of options and ideas and ✨a n x i e t y✨

Try listening to others more and become b e t t e r

Win smth (bc creator forbid 3 losses in a row to start depression)

Lose again (there is gonna be a bit of back and forth but is necessary for development)

"I tHoUgHt I wAs FiNaLlY dOiNg SoMeThInG rIgHt AnD nOw LoOk"

"Losing is not th3 3nd of th3 fucking world, you lunatic"

"WELL, IT IS TO ME, BITCH"

*insert psychology somehow idk*

Another loss

"I'm angry...but I'm ok"

Note that idk where bullying would come in and these are only how I would think it to go-

A character like this isn't rlly my strong suit when it comes to them resolving their problems but they are fun to write and think abt-

................................did I just give you advice on how to traumatize? I-

#writing #writing advice #wow i rlly am a sadist #character analysis #KK's character #well shit wtf did i go on abt-

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owlmylove · 3 years

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I love your fashion sense and obviously it's not something you deal with yourself but I was wondering what you would suggest for someone who is pretty fat to kind of clean up their look because I mostly wear like graphic tees and like my nicest trousers are a pair of plain boot cut jeans lmao

Thank you so much for your kind words darling!! But, before you get too entrenched in the quicksand of comparison, I actually have dealt with that precise scenario. Multiple times to be honest, and while I’m fortunate enough to be able to find fitted clothes more easily than a few of my friends, I’m still bigger than most of them and have always been very aware of that growing up. There have been periods of my life (including right now tbh, #quar) where the function and comfort of my clothes has become overshadowed by the frustration and low-level embarrassment they inspire

That doesn’t mean the clothing is bad, or I was silly to wear it previously. It just means I’m changing, and so are my tastes. You can love your graphic tees and still want to try fancier pants on for size, and that’s all okay! Don’t let hyper-consumptive disposable culture try to guilt you into despising anything you may have once enjoyed, or been comforted by. Like foods, there’s no such thing as good or bad clothing. It’s just finding the clothes that fill your current needs and make you feel as good as you deserve.

BUT you came for fashion advice and fashion advice you shall HAVE babe. for cinematic purposes, please picture the following advice as a voiceover to our dressing room montage scene as i throw hangers over the door & applaud every time you do a lil catwalk spin

1. Fuck trends. They’re bullshit!! Unless you sincerely like the look of something and feel good in it, don’t fall into the trap of needing to wear the newest spring/summer anything. There’s nothing wrong with trying out a new style, but always remember the clothes’ job is to fit you; you don’t need to fit the clothes. If something doesn’t feel comfortable, or flattering, or right, that’s a failing on behalf of the clothing (and, most often, the designers’ limited understanding of the human body) and never on you.

2. Try stuff! I highly recommend trying on absolutely anything you have the faintest interest in*, trends included. Also: things you never in a million years would’ve tried on, but a friend/partner/random telepath recommended for you. It can be frustrating when things don’t work out, but that just teaches you something about what does and doesn’t work for you. Don’t think of your fashion sense as a pass/fail test, but a language you’re gaining fluency in. Learning what doesn’t work for your body can be as helpful as what does.

*Sidenote: This can be tricky in quarantine, but try online stores with free shipping/returns, and/or local stores that you can breeze through for returns. At-home try-ons also allows you to compare what you already have & see how new pieces could be incorporated into your wardrobe.

3. Learn your type. I hate categories of any kind but fuck me, my body type actually does serve as a helpful guideline for what does and doesn’t work on me. For instance: I’ve been wearing exclusively high waistbands for the last, oh, 6 years, bc I wanted to contain my lovely soft stomach and delineate my waist. But this actually just cuts me in half like a magician’s assistant, and I counterintuitively look better in one-piece swimsuits and un-tucked (but fitted!!) shirts. Hence: learn your body type, research what works for your body type, and try some of what they recommend.

3.1. Break the rules. Anarchism baby!!! Everyone knows that learning the rules is the first step to breaking them. Research what science says is supposed to look good, but also trust your intuition on what you feel good in. Datasets can’t allow for individual tastes, and that’s where real fashion comes from (rather than just algorithmic minimalist capsule wardrobes)

4. Look for patterns. Obviiiiiiiously not just in prints (though I’m weak for stripes and polka dots, everyone around me is well aware) but in the cut, drape, and construction of what you love. Breaking down the elements of what brings you joy helps you recognize more of it out in the wild. But think about function too! What do you like and dislike about the fit of your shirts? Do you like the flair of boot cut jeans? Hate their length? Which elements of construction would you like to avoid in the future, and which would you like to see more of?

5. Find inspiration. If you don’t already have a sense of what you do and don’t want to add to your wardrobe, try giving Pinterest and/or moodboards a whirl. Look to people whose style you admire (and try Instagram [but avoid the identical influencer mill], Pinterest, cool Etsy boutique owners, etc). Compare their builds as an artist might, focusing not on comparative aesthetics but form. Do they use certain waistlines that would complement yours? What about colors? Finding someone with your exact body type & coloring can be extremely difficult depending your race and size, but you may be able to find influences who can guid you in one regard but not the other. Let them help you learn what you love without limiting you to just one style.

6. Go (bargain) hunting. I maintain some things are worth spending money on — facial moisturizer, a tailored white button down, and well-fitted pants to be precise — but I almost exclusively shop clearance racks. If you’re still in the process of figuring out what you do and don’t like, there is something to be said for starting with inexpensive brands as training wheels. Discount stores like Marshalls can yield a lot of good stuff, while Etsy, resale platforms, and thrift stores can do the same for relatively low prices (and yield some p. unique pieces.) Once you know the silhouette, colors, and cuts you enjoy, that’s when I recommend investing in a $100 pair of jeans that you know will serve you for years.

Finally: Once you have a collection of things you love, experiment with them! Try them on in different combinations, add a hat, try different earrings, etc. etc. As you settle into your new wardrobe, new outfit formulas will emerge that you know you can rely on in the rushing, early mornings without feeling stressed by the question “what do I wear???” (honestly, the biggest unsung benefit of a good wardrobe is just the decrease in anxiety)

Also: I recommend looking for pieces you love first and foremost, rather than entering the fray with a shopping list of “gray blazer, navy blazer, white shirt, black shirt,” etc. Not to say I don’t own each of those basics (which are good to have!) but those kinds of Pinterest minimalist capsules work best for instant-professionalism sans personality. If that’s you need, go for it! But if you’re excited to develop your sense of style, give yourself the time and space to discover what brings you joy. Learning your tastes should be an ongoing experiment throughout life. Don’t let previous ensembles dictate future purchases (unless they’re inspiring them!!)

And, for what it’s worth, I actually still have a bunch of the graphic tees I was once so embarrassed of wearing when I was younger. And for what? They were comfortable, convenient, and expressed what I was passionate about at the time. The ones I really loved, even if I no longer fit into, still make me so happy as records of the person I was. I think taste and selves grows outward, like the rings of a tree, and there’s nothing wrong with remembering your roots c:

Excessive tree pun alert, and sorry for being sappy, but I hope this rambling love letter to style could help! I’m sending you all the fairy godmother energy I am capable of from afar darling<333

#fashion #style #Anonymous

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toytulini · 3 years

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i feel compelled to post my Water Bottle Opinions for some reason so here goes:

Between my Super Expensive Fancy Yeti Brand Water Bottle and my like, $15 thermos intak water bottle, i prefer my intak....

dont get me wrong i like the yeti, it Definitely does better for insulation. it absolutely keeps things whatever temp you put them in there at for much longer. its stayed drinkable and cool even after left in a hot car for awhile (which is a bit unsettling, lol. the outside of the bottle is Hot af but the water is cool and fine??? Weird)

however unfortunately i also notice its prone to developing a Gross Taste after like, a Day of using it? idk if thats just a Thing w the metal bottles or What but that does Not happen, at least not so quickly, w my cheaper plastic one.

the other thing is i love the lid of my intak and the yeti lid is just.......not as good. i mean i guess its probably better for insulating and maybe Carrying with one hand? but i do have to unscrew the cap and remove it and then i have to be careful not to lose it and thats just. so Much after ive been spoiled by the magic of my intak lid that just Pops open with a button press, easy enough to do with one hand especially if its not Locked, and then it stays attached so u cant set it down somewhere for a second and then panic bc u lost it, which is Great for my adhd ass.

I also like that the lid Covers the drinking spout and keeps it safe from Stuff like dirt and dust and whatever as opposed to a number of bottle designs ive used that just have the drinking part Exposed to whatever nastiness. This was really great in middle school when i used to play soccer and my bottle was just kept. on the ground. in the grass. but its also nice in general i think.

uhh other things. i can "overfill" the intak everytime to pack it with Maximum Water but i have to be more careful with the yeti bc if its above a certain level, screwing the cap on will cause it to overflow and make a mess. but also i have technically had a few more leaking issues with the intak, i guess. usually i just didnt screw on the cap right, or there was water on the brim outside that i didnt notice till i took a drink and it all dripped onto my hands and shirt. Also, ONCE, with my very first one, the little silicon seal at the top came out while i was riding my bike and i had it sideways in a drawstring backpack, so it leaked everywhere and that Sucked. Luckily it was the only thing in the bag. Also, this happened, One Whole Time in like, the 10yrs i had the first one. After i realized that little seal thing could even come out (bc i didnt know it could before, it Did) i just made sure to check on it periodically and make sure it was still in, and that never happened again. The yeti has not had leaking issues yet in the short time that ive had it, and also, doesnt seem likely to.

idk if this is a deciding factor in a water bottle for literally anyone but uh due to being made of metal, and having a big ol handle for that Three Finger Grip (i think they advertise this specifically iirc), id say the yeti is a better bottle if you want one that could be used as an opportunistic weapon if you live in fear of being like. attacked, or something. im sure thats not a deciding factor in a water bottle for literally anyone in the world but i have had a dream where i was using my yeti as a weapon, for some reason. i woke up and went to get a drink from it and was like "huh yea i guess it could be a decent impromptu weapon"

the bottle for the yeti only fits on the bottom rack of our dishwasher but my intak can fit both the bottle and the cap in the top rack of the dishwasher. if that's relevant for anyone.

#toy txt post #things i didnt realize i had strong opinions about until i got a new bottle and it was Different #water bottle review #i guess lmao???#hello. here are my Water Bottle Opinions #i had like an old version of the thermos intak for years. since like middle school. it only broke in like. 2018 bc my dad threw it in the #sink during a fit. which broke a mug of mine and the cap. that was a whole ordeal and very stressful but its over now and irrelevant to my #Water Bottle Review thats just the point that. it lasted for like. 10yrs before it broke and probably wouldve lasted longer if it hadnt #gotten. caught up in That. but i bought a new one which is a slightly different version. the button is square instead of a round triangle #and the dial to measure how many bottles uve had is on top of the cap instead of around the bottom rim #this one only recently semi broke. the band that makes the lid pop open and stay open has broken so i got another one #i literally dont know why i feel compelled to share these opinions but here they are #oh the intak is also 'BPA FREE' whatever that means #i dont really. pay much attention to that sort of thing but thats probably good i guess #also uhh i dont use the Standard lid that came with the yeti bc that involves just taking the top of it and just drinking out of it like a #Weird Cup which is just. deeply unsettling to me for some reason. like its one thing for using my bottle around the house (which i do! its #the only way i drink water) but imagining doing that like when i was at work? out hiking or camping? at the beach? in the CAR?? thats insan #i bought a uhhh i think its called a Chug Cap so the spout is approximately the same shape as my intake but its a little bit bigger & wider #so it's actually Two screw caps bc the chug cap screws on and then u screw the handle cap over that to close it #that is Annoying when u try to unscrew one of those and u unscrew the Wrong One #if insulation is Big for u and u dont notice / mind a weird Gross taste from metal bottles the yeti is good

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writingwithcolor · 4 years

Text

Including diversity where there may be little

Including diversity where there may be little: Black Radium Girls as example

post-scriptvm asked: [ask clipped for length]

I have an interest in the ‘Radium Girls’, groups of women who worked at studios in America from the late 1910s onwards painting radium onto clock faces, and later took their companies to court for the horrible impacts the radium had on their body.

I want to make a musical, just for fun. I’ve decided to use a fictionalized version of events, with composite characters based on multiple different women, rather than one of the real-life groups and the actual women from them. It will be mostly set in New Jersey, in the roaring 20s.

Neither of the two real-life groups I know of had any Black women in them, and I can’t see any Black women in any of the big group photos of the dial factories’ employees. But I know there’s a lot of Black history and culture in that time and place bc of the great migration and stuff, so I feel like if I’m not going to use the real life ladies, I should probably take the opportunity to also make some of them Black, bc making a whole cast of white ladies in the name of potentially wrong ‘historical accuracy’ seems like a bad thing.

My question is, should I? [ask clipped for length]

I wouldn’t be surprised if there were African American radium girls. Speculating People of Color/Women of Color’s involvement is far more realistic than portraying everyone as white. Go for it!

Perhaps look into what other races were predominantly in the New Jersey area for inspiration, too.

Hidden History

This section features just a few examples of PoC in lesser known historical settings.

The histories of People of Color are highly and actively erased. Women of Color especially get their stories left to footnotes in the textbooks. You hear about certain amazing women again and again, but there’s so many others that don’t get their time of day.

Hidden Figures (book and movie) is a prime example of that erasure and lesser known history. To summarize: It’s “the powerful story of four African-American female mathematicians at NASA who helped achieve some of the greatest moments in our space program.”

Here’s another example:

Photo of female firefights on Pearl Harbor, 1941. Identities unknown

It would be nice to know more about these women, and i’ve seen inquiries from people requesting info from anyone who may know. This struggle to find details is a prime example of that erasure in itself.

Enemies in Love: A German POW, a Black Nurse, and an Unlikely Romance by Alexis Clark

The book pictured above is the true story of a Black nurse and German Prisoner of War who fall in love during World War II. They face many hardships (disowning from his family, racism, and shunning from towns) but stay together for their whole lives, marry, and have children (One of their sons highly informed the writing of the book!)

This book discusses the discrimination the Black soldiers and nurses faced. They struggled to even be allowed to serve their country, and were treated worse than POWs.

Video: The Unlikely Romance of a Black Nurse & German P.O.W. in WW II

Research

Research “[RACE] + Firsts” and find many more examples of little unknown bits of history where they’ve been involved.

First doesn’t mean it came without limitations, discrimination or hardships. But they happened, and many sooner than you’d think.

Explore beyond what you know about whitewashed history and learn the true stories of People of Color.

Making it “realistic”

People will question how “realistic” it is to feature a Black women in this position for the time period, unfortunately. It doesn’t hurt to provide an explanation until we get to a place where diversity isn’t interrogated when it shows up.

Giving her backstory.

You can briefly explain the journey to the job, such as shortages due to a war. Take a look at those real world firsts for inspiration.

Especially take a look at the specific region of the story. What firsts were there? Any government power influences? How did PoC break barriers to make the strides they did?

Use the web, but also go beyond. Seek books, historians, artwork. Search those “footnotes” for that one sentence mention. (That’s actually how the writer of Enemies in Love found their story. Just a quick sentence and a search for the story began. It helped that she was a journalist!)

Relationships with Peers:

“I will cut off this right arm of mine before I will ever work or demand the ballot for the Negro and not the woman.” - Susan B. Anthony

White women weren’t, historically, welcoming to Black women. For example, white sufferists insisted Black women march in the back of the protests for, allegedly, both their rights. You’ll need to decide how your Black woman is treated in this situation.

You might face the following from peers, superiors, or others:

Hesitation to work or interact with her

Curiosity and intrigue (The “Other”

Unsure of how to approach or be friends with her

Microaggressions

Blatant racism

Your musical doesn’t seem like it is meant to focus too heavily on the hardships. It begs a mention, but just how much is up to you.

Call the Midwife, period racism example

Call the Midwife (BBC) is set in East End London, Late 1950s, early 1960s. The show features a Black midwife named Lucille Anderson. There’s a shortage on nurses so Caribbean nurses were being called in to support the growing population.

Call the Midwife is from a midwife, Jennifer Worth’s, memoir, so it’s based on history.

Check out this short clip: Nurse Lucille Anderson - Call the Midwife

Lucille on Call the Midwife (Take notes!)

The show handles racism and microaggressions very well. It’s not overdone.

Lucille is accepted by her peers and is especially close to one of the girls.

There’s an episode where she actively faces blame and discrimination during a case. It’s a major story line of the episode.

She does face occasional micro-aggressions where she is othered, but it is not every single time she is on screen and not every episode.

Her peers talk to her about her experiences and in the case where she had an aggressive family member to deal with, they tried to protect her by reassigning her from the family. Lucille asks to handle it her way and they respect her decision.

Lucille can mostly perform her job and have peace, and is treated kindly by patients.

She has a personality, a romantic life, family & friendships.

It’s about 90% allowing her to exist, 10% navigating racism/microaggressions. That’s a comfortable, realist balance for such a story and setting.

If you want to check out how they handled these issues for yourself, the show is on Netflix as of this post (2020). She’s introduced in Season 7. (I highly recommend watching this show from the beginning. I cry like every episode, and the diversity of several ethnic backgrounds picks up a lot mid season!)

I’ll kick you three scenarios for your Black radium girl:

Peer Acceptance, Initial Hesitation

awkward friendliness & initial hesitation, perhaps more fear of the unknown vs. hostility

Upon having interactions and talking to her, they become comfortable and accept her. It could take just one simple conversation. Perhaps they’re more used to listening to Black music or have Black staff who work for them, but haven’t had an equal one-on-one experience with WoC without a power dynamic or service involved. Now, with a Black fellow radium girl thrown in a similar situation as them, they could develop kinship.

This might not describe every one of the woman at all. Others might be just fine with her with no awkwardness.

Types of racism experienced:

some micro-aggressions (likely ignorance from peers)

no major racism experienced

Most Peer Acceptance, Racism From Some Peers

Most peers have no problem with her, even if they have their initial awkwardness. 1-2 more aggressive racists who don’t want her there.

Sometimes everyone else gets along, but there’s that 1 bully and their minion, and they feed off each other. If the BS isn’t tolerated by the other girls, it could shut them up to make peace or at least behave themselves. It’s likely someone like this would remain hatefully stubborn, but would grimace from the corner if outnumbered.

In the case you create a situation where someone is hostile to the Black girl but learns better: real apologies and efforts should be made if this occurs. It also doesn’t excuse their past behavior. Read our posts on redemption arcs for more info. We’re not fans, personally.

In an intense racial situation, it would be nice if the girls (with sense) protected and defended her instead of standing idly by. They’re strong enough to rise up against the agencies who poisoned them, so they can fight for their fellow radium sisters if one’s being targeted.

Types of racism experienced:

several micro-aggressions

maybe 1 major incident

Peer Acceptance, Racism from Other People

Radium girl acceptance within, but experiences racism from others she interacts with on/off the job.

The Call the Midwife example fits this one. Lucille’s peers are comfortable with her. It’s some of the ladies she care for and/or their families that may have negative things to say or show hesitance.

I’ll repeat what I said above: it’d be nice if the girls protected and defended her and didn’t stand by idly. Solidarity is important for establishing kinship and trust when it comes to white - woc friendships.

Types of racism experienced:

could vary from some to several micro-aggressions

maybe 1 major incident

Balancing race issues in the musical

Give the intersections of your Black girl’s situation proper attention. You can achieve this without overdoing it or making her whole arc about facing racism.

Perhaps the Black radium girl(s) has a song to express major woes, like segregation and poor treatment, or experiencing dismay over even less of a fighting chance in this fight for their rights.

If anyone does know anything but radium girls of color, please share!

–Mod Colette

#intersectionality #intersectional feminism #women #black #black women #woc #women of color #diversity #poc in history #radium girls #musicials #asks #submission

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gra-sonas · 3 years

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Am I crazy in being scared that with so many new characters, many of the characters that we love will not get the focus that they should? They already have a big cast and so many of their stories are not told (for example, Alex's past in the military)...I fear that there will be many storylines and all of them will not be well developed (like s2)...I really hope I'm wrong...

Not crazy, nonnie, no.

Let’s break down what we know (hahahahahahahaha 😒) about S3 so far:

There were some S3 interviews with CAM after the S2 finale, but since she’s no longer part of the show, and she herself said that the S3 outline changed “a lot” after her departure, anything she said in those interviews (and that wasn’t all that much to begin with), could no longer be valid information.

Time jump? Will probably happen, but we don’t know for sure.

Forlex? Could happen (for how long/to which extent, who the fuck knows), or maybe not??

Echo? Will definitelylikely get back together (probably in 3x02 or so, can’t keep the straights apart for too long...), we just don’t know when.

Happier times for Malex? HAHAHA, as if Could happen. OR NOT. Who knows. NOT US!

WE ARE JON SNOW! ¯\_(°~°)_/¯

The few things we (kinda) know about S3 so far:

It’s likely the season will start with Liz (still) in LA (where she’ll meet one of the new guys, Heath), but it’s fairly certain she’ll return to Roswell early in S3

It’s likely the Pod Squad will have to deal with Mr. Jones.

we know a few things about 4 new guest characters - 3 of them white, and at least Jordan Bernhardt (mayor’s son) and the new Sheriff, Brooke Taylor (WHAT ABOUT MICHELLE VALENTI?????) seem kinda shady. Edgar/Eduardo sounds like he could be a link to Deep Sky or maybe the Alighting?

going by Dylan’s extended stay in Santa Fe, it seems like Wyatt Long could have a larger arc this season

we know that Christian(Forrest) filmed at least one episode (could be more but we don’t know for certain)

Tanner(Gregory) is currently/was recently in Santa Fe to film a second episode.

It doesn’t look like Justina (Steph)’s been in Santa Fe yet, since they’re already filming 3x04 or 3x05 (we don’t even know that for sure), it’s possible she won’t return for S3 at all.

We don’t know whether Riley(Jenna)'s been in Santa Fe yet (production of Hightown S2 recently started, maybe she’s already been in Santa Fe and filmed some scenes, but we have no confirmation about that, it’s just as likely that she hasn’t been there yet)

Jamie Clayton(Charlie)’s currently filming something else.

Kiowa(Flint)’s also not been confirmed to have filmed any S3 scenes yet (doesn’t mean he hasn’t, the entire cast is notoriously bad at keeping us in the loop about stuff like that 😩)

So that’s what we “know”. In addition:

It could be, that Tyler(Alex) won’t be in 3x01 and/or 3x02 (it’s super hard to tell bc those eps were directed by the same director, maybe they just shifted things around and cleared his schedule for an extended period so he could go home???).

The actor who played young Max in S2 is listed for S3, that probably means Max flashbacks

They’ve released 3 episode (incl. 2 directors) titles so far + we know Dr. Rachel Raimist will direct 3x05

Other than that we have this vague af S3 synopsis that doesn’t tell us anything substantial about S3:

In season three, still reeling from the events of last year, the Roswell aliens and their allies are drawn back together through a threat from a familiar stranger and a murder that has not yet happened.

From near and from far, amidst breakups, reunions, scientific advancements and the impending death of someone they hold dear, our heroes must grapple with two central questions: Who enters our lives and defines who we are?

And what power do we really have over our own futures?

In conclusion:

We actually don’t know ANYTHING about Liz, Alex, Michael, Rosa, Isobel, Kyle, Maria or Max and their S3 arcs!

And I think that’s the main problem here. We know more about four guest characters, their motivations and what they’ll be up to in S3, than we know about the core 8.

And that’s probably what makes so many people anxious. We have no idea how these guest characters fit into S3 because we don’t know anything about S3.

There’s only guessing and assuming and speculating.

Oh, there’s also S2, where so much (too much) focus was put on a million different storylines and side characters, where a main plot was missing for most of the season, where core 8 characters were sidelined and/or had little to no character development, where seemingly important scenes were cut, and so on. And the way S2 ended, doesn’t exactly spark joy and excitement for S3...

It’s no surprise that we’re fucking anxious and worried S3′s gonna serve more of the same.

With new characters (that are not even new characters we’d probably be interested in meeting, like Clay and Mindy Manes, Jim Valenti (yay, flashbacks) or perhaps Maria’s dad) being announced, and no S3 info for reference, how are we supposed to be excited? How are we supposed to not worry S3 will be a repeat of S2.

I don’t think that’s going to be the case (esp. not with Chris having taken over as show runner, I still believe that with him helming the show things will be better), but I get why so many people are worried (to the point of being utterly annoyed and ready to quit the fandom).

One way to fix at least some of this mess (and ease some of the anxiety) would be an interview with Chris Hollier, or at least an article that provides us with UPDATED information about S3, especially details about the core 8.

Because that’s what most of us want to know. What's in store for the characters we love and care about? What about the ships (Malex and Echo in particular)? WHAT ABOUT THE FRIENDSHIPS??? What about the individual characters and their specific journeys?

As long as we don’t know more about S3 at large, and the main characters in particular, any new characters that will be announced, will cause people to worry and/or get annoyed.

#rnm speculation #rnm spoilers #s3 forlex discourse #nonnie asks

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tonyglowheart · 4 years

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Hello I see people in fics having LSX call WWX Baba but I've also seen people say that its too modern to use. Do you know what besides A-Die (what I've seen LSZ written to call LWJ by fans) would LSZ call WWX? Especially if its for a fic where wangxian raise LSZ together

Hi! I don’t know if you saw already, but I did toss a couple replies into the ask you sent to ouyangzizhensdad. Someone else whose url I cannot remember off the top of my head did too, I think they suggested fuqin?

So... okay I glanced at the baike page for 爸爸 bc I was curious, and I kind of got the sense that “baba is modern” is sort of like a Tiffany Problem situation? Wherein it WAS around for a lot longer than ppl think, but because ppl have a certain association with it, and with specific terms (also like how people think Mister is modern, and Master is more archaic, but actually at some point, "Mister” was the more “formal” version, and “master” is used with, like, the children of the “Mister” of the household), it’s “impossible” to use in historical-y settings without throwing ppl out? (Actually it was so interested to me because I think it said that 父 used to be pronounced ba, and that has... Implications for like 父皇 which you’ll see in historical dramas, does that mean it used to be pronounced bahuang?? that just seems wrong lol.. for the same Tiffany Problem reason ppl have with ba)

Tbh I think you’ll have a lot less issue with it in the context of English fic, because I.. also want to throw in a general, writing-with-color style caution, to like... examine why you’re throwing in pinyin, and what purpose it serves. I do think there’s value in using these original terms in certain places, esp for relational terms, where there IS meaning imparted by the CN term that isn’t there with EN tls/approximates, but that just peppering it in for the sake of that “foreign” flavor isn’t always necessary. Like, furen doesn’t really need to be kept imo, because I think that translates fairly one-to-one to Madam, or “Sect Leader” (even tho MDZS’s usage of 氏 and then ExR’s translation of such as Sect and then the normalization of it does cause some issues as far as like, literal translation goes, I do think that it’s not necessarily a “wrong” choice to make, given the way that cultivation sects operate in MDZS and this sort of conflation of a “sect” with a “clan” or sort of like a ...feudal cohort kind of situation (I don’t actually know that much about feudalism I’m using the term more colloquially here D:). Another example I had thrown into the reply on the other ask, was a fic that I thought did a pretty good job in terms of trying to research and insert more “local flavor” but respectfully, but then bc I came across more posts talking about “well what is the purpose of italicizing foreign words, or peppering them in?” - I started noticing some things, such as their usage of “hanfu” every time to mean clothing, when really... if we’re talking “diegetically”/Watsonianly, they’d either call it whatever specific type of article of clothing each was, or just... clothing. Because the designation of hanfu, I do think, is more of a modern phenomenon? don’t quote me on this.

Okay to like... actually try to answer your question... I think a’die to me reads a bit more informal than I’d see A-Yuan call LWJ. In canon, he’s obviously close to LWJ, but still quite formal in his address (and LWJ is quite formal with his brother and uncle, but he’s obviously pretty close to them). Fuqin is an option, but it feels a little... cold, like that’s more something you would refer to other ppl’s fathers, or if you’re referring to your father to other people, and not necessarily something you’d call him directly? (this can be subjective thought, and it could be fine. It just... doesn’t seem to fit, for me. edit: looking at what some of these info pages in CN are saying, ppl see to say that fuqin is a common form of address for father by non-royals, so maybe that’s another form of Tiffany Problem, where it seems overly formal & distant. A source also says that fathers who have an official position would be called 父亲大人(fuqindaren)). I’m not sure any of the other variations I see seem to fit, since 生父 seems to be for blood-related fathers (or even if it’s not, the term is going to create issues), and 家父 (jiafu) sounds nice but it says specifically it’s used if you’re addressing your father to other ppl and want to do it in a more elegant way... just plain 爹 is a probably what I’d suggest as a happy medium, except then you have the problem if the pinyin being “die” and well.. So maybe “fuqin” is the best option here after all, just because of the English fic context? :’) I don’t like it though, I’d probably prefer 爹...

Okay sorry this is messy, but it’s... not a simple question, and I’m trying to give you some context for where I started and where I’ve gone with my rumination on this. Because kind of in the end... I still think a’die and baba might be the best way to go forward, because re: baba (1) the issues of “anachronism” aren’t an issue bc it’s not set in a specific time period where you’d want that level of specificity (2) you’re writing in English, and that’s already a level of removal from the original context and usage, so you’re balancing the meaning vs the “foreignness” it impacts to the fic too; and regarding “a’die”... it’s better than just “die” as far as how it reads in English :’) sadly :’) even though I think just plain 爹 might work better. 父亲大人 I think ends up a biiiit too hoity. Although. if you find baba too “anachronistic,” you could go with a’die and a’ba, which would parallel the “set” familiarity structure of the added “a-” we see in MDZS.

Also related but kind of sidebar: apparently the original meaning of 爹 actually is used for fathers who have fathered more than 3 children, which makes sense morphologically bc it’s made of 父 (father) and 多 (many) lol.. anyway

I know this was very long and kind of windy so if there’s anything you are confused about or have further questions on, please feel free to reach out again. Hopefully the added emphasis of the “conclusion” helps guide you to where I ended up as far as my ruminations on this question/issue go, and the rest of if helps to add some context on my thought process(es) behind the conclusion.

#long post #ultimately I think ''what would lzs call lwj and wwx in an AU fic where they're raised together''#and also the fact that it's in English... means that there's an addition level of ''gotta work with what ppl are familiar with'' that you h #like shengfu and jiafu is probably gonna be weird to ppl and so you'd have to explain it #which would make it more of a Thing vs just a term you use #whereas like a'die ppl probably are more familiar with #and baba is baba #Anonymous #asks answered

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taikanyohou · 4 years

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I can however argue that 2gether would not have been successful if it wasn't for the fact that Bright and Win are gorgeous + the other side actors are very invested and active. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the show and very excited to get some more content for it. Though, the production was sloppy and the show had its flaws, it felt rushed and unfinished but it pulled through thanks to the characters and the fact that they managed to get some dynamic and pretty faces.

hiii anon!!! mmmmm yes. i mean, yes brightwin are v good looking, but also lets not forget here how win was practically forced to lose 10kg in 2 months to fit tine's character description. so yes, looks did play a part. but in terms of this toxic ""aestheticism"" culture we have (for the lack of a better word), in all shows now, looks of characters Do play a part in the whole appeal and selling of a show and a character, whether we like to admit it or not. bc we associate looks of characters very heavily with the character themselves. whether thats their hair colour, tattoo use, outfits, accessories and jewelry, makeup and styling, facial hair, weight and height etc, amongst so many other things.

but i think the timing of 2gether coming out was its biggest bonus/asset, along with how it skyrocketed on social media, again, bc of the time it got released, which meant international access to it was made v v v open and easy and simple. it could be marketed v v v easily to a global audience by social media bc there was no other way to market the show humanly due to lockdown. so it gained attraction at a much larger scale. thats ultimately why 2gether got popular on a global scale, if you're talking about solely viewership, international outreach and numbers.

talking about it from a storyline pov, as a drama, the story was just ... refreshing, in that, yeah, it was nothing new. it was simple. and it was light hearted and fun and a proper rom com. i think for me personally, it also just really neatly dispelled many toxic lgbt+ tropes too. it showed lgbt+ love in a completely normal, chilled out way, just how rom coms do. and the characters have their individualistic appeal to them. other things helped, like the music and the cinematography and the colours too - it was a warm colour palette show. it didnt take itself too seriously but still managed to show depth. yeah, every show has a couple of bad episodes, which show doesn't? but pining the whole show down on to just those 2 episodes and a goddamn cursed high-5 alone, and overlooking the rest of the entire show seems unjust tbh. like i keep saying, when the show was airing live, nobody was complaining then!

so yeah, whilst the success does partially lie with having a good looking, social media active cast, you sorta have to see why social media played such a HUGE role in 2gether's success, especially in the circumstances and time period that the show was airing. its the backbone of it. but i wouldnt say having a good looking cast = instantly successful show. the show had appeal to the masses bc of the things the show had in it, which weren't perfect 100% of the time, but being critical means looking at both the good and the bad, not just the bad only, before making a judgement on something. and most people i know take 2gether's bad with the good, and say they enjoyed the show! so its no surprise that still2gether is monopolising on the back of 2gether's success. people want more of these characters bc they love them and their storylines, the actors who play them show sincerity, love and respect to their characters and (lgbt+) audiences, p'aof as an lgbt+ writer, director and producer can authentically write stories for lgbt+ characters and audiences, and so ... why would an entertainment/production company not use that to their monetary advantage as well?

bc now, gmmtv's budget has skyrocketed, they'll invest even more money into still2gether, which is why people are saying that still2gether's budget has increased bc just by the trailer alone, ppl could immediately tell there's been a budget raise. so ya know, who knows, still2gether's (production) quality could be much much better and less sloppy than 2gether's was (which imho, wasnt even that bad tbh, aside from certain plot points during ep 12 and 13). so then, i wouldnt be surprised how much more still2gether will appeal to the audience, not just bc of the good looking actors, but bc of the whole show itself increasing in quality. and so of course countries like japan and taiwan and the philippines, and broadcasters like netflix, wetv etc have signed deals with gmmtv to broadcast 2gether as well as other gmmtv shows, i'm sure in the future too, in their countries/platforms, and big magazines like vogue and gq as well as domestic thai brands are jumping on brightwin's current success.

bc i can hand on heart say, that nobody, and i mean nobody, expected 2gether to ... well, reach the popularity it has. win was practically nobody before this. bright was literally on scraps getting side role after side role. i'd say apart from like frank, drake, gunsmile, guy, toptap and gun, maybe even mike too, the rest of the cast had unseasoned/not that well known actors (inc. khaotung, jj and pluem). and then, 2gether happened. so. yeah. a lot of factors come into play.

#faiza answers #idk this pov of 2gether was only a hit bc of brightwin's looks is ...v v shallow and downplays #what the actual show/storyline of the show is about. and its a lot more deeper than looks.

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genderfluid-existence · 3 years

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Hi, I’ve been questioning if I’m genderfluid on and off for some time now, and so I thought I’d ask for advice from someone who knows that they’re genderfluid

1. Before you knew for certain that you were genderfluid did you feel like there were possibly other people in your head besides you? Not in a dissociative identity disorder kind of way, but something else? (sorry for the bad wording there)

2. What were some more obscure signs you were genderfluid?

3. Part of the reason why I don’t want to say I’m genderfluid is bc I’m worried actually cis, and that I’m just pretending to be genderfluid due wanting to fit in w/ my friend who is trans/wanting to be more queer than I already am (I already know I’m somewhere on the bi+ spectrum), it’s a coping mechanism for my semi-not-good mental state. (sorry again for the bad wording), do you have any advice regarding this?

Sorry a third time for the bad wording, but I need advice, and this seems like a good way to get it.

Howdy 🤠

I'm always very happy to help, but as always, keep in mind that you are the only person who can say what your gender is, what will make you happiest, and what is the right choice for you. I can only speak from my own experience.

1. Oh boy, quite a question right off the bat. The answer is kind of, I guess. I've actually wondered if I had DID for a long time. I almost certainly don't, but it's definitely very easy to worry that you've confused the two.

It's sort of hard to answer because I don't know specifically what you mean, if not in a DID way. But I'm curious, so do elaborate if you'd like.

I am not a different person when I am a different gender, but it's possible to think of my gendered selves as "personas" in a way, so in that way, I suppose you could explain it like that.

I also engage in a lot of self-dialogue and self-reassurance, which often manifests in my thoughts being formed in a conversational way (including the pronouns you. And yeah, I feel a little weird about it this, but it doesn't seem to cause any issues). There's nothing that indicates that I feel that there is another enitre person on the ends of these mental conversations, let alone that the two ends are different genders. However I still have yet to understand a lot about my inner workings. Some may judge this as a disorder.

Finally, I think I have some identity-formation problems. Including the fact that I often feel like my mental understanding of how I present to people changes a lot. Not strictly in a gender way, nor in a DID way (at least I hope not). I just have trouble forming a stable image of "me", so sometimes it can feel like I'm different people.

2. Hmm, interesting. I'm sure there are many that I have yet to identify since they come with time.

When I was a child I remember having a minor fascination with having a male version of myself. I've found an old drawing of myself next to an imagining of a male version of myself.

Also, I imagine that if questioning is especially long and difficult, it could be a sign of fluidity. I say this because if you feel one way for a period of time and another way for another period of time, it can feel like these experiences contradict each other, and it's abysmally confusing. Like, why don't any of my feelings line up??? If I'm a man, shouldn't I feel like a man all the time? Yesterday I didn't feel that way.

Grain of salt: questioning can be long and confusing for anyone, and dysphoria can fluctuate even for gender-solid folks.

Also, there are some indicators of being trans in general.

For example, dissociative dysphoria is a less discussed manifestation of dysphoria in which you just don't feel real/your surroundings don't feel real.

Also, irrational avoidance. When I was younger, my sister used a lot of highly feminine pet names and terms of endearment, it was just her style. But being around her made me incredibly dysphoric because of these reminders of how she saw me. So eventually I came to associate her with those bad feelings, even though I had no explination for the feelings, since this was before I even knew of transness as a concpet. It took me a while after she stopped to realize Oh shit, that's what it was. Now we've been on much better terms for years.

Also, there are signs that can be indicators of any number of psychological distress (so they could be explained by other mental health issues) like extreme escapism, sleep issues and other depressive symptoms, dissociation, aggression, anxiety, avoidance of social situations, etc.

3. This is common. Firstly, nothing is stopping you from claiming a label. Absolutely nothing. Coming out to yourself doesn't mean you have to come out to others, transition, or take any other steps. So if you're wrong, so what? A label does no harm.

What can have the potential to do harm is transitioning unnecessarily. If you think it's a maladaptive coping mechanism, my only advice is to seek counseling before taking any steps that you think you might regret.

I've never heard of a person worrying that they want to be more queer than they actually are. And indeed I've never heard a detransitioner point to this as an issue. The only thing I could think of, is perhaps a sort of munchausen syndrome where you would theoretically try and gain """ oppression points.""" To be clear, I don't think this is very likely, but not impossible. In that case if it really worries you, I would again seek counseling, since that sounds like a symptom of a larger issue.

I've not quite cracked the nut of what if it's social pressure??? to be honest. And immitation is certainly a common trait among young people (assuming you're young). So, quite honestly, is it possible that you (and I) have tried on the trans label out of imitation of peers? Yeah.

I don't know if there's a solution to this (except of course counseling) other than careful trial and error. Trying on aspects of the male (or female) role and testing to see if it makes you uncomfortable or comfortable. Indeed, many aspects of social and sexual dimorphism can be very evocative of euphoria/dysphoria. Like, being called she/her might elicit relatively minor euphoria/dysphoria, but (cw: AFAB dysphoria) the idea of being vaginally penetrated? Yeah, most people will have a pretty strong reaction to that one (cw: end).

In short, sometimes these worries about "What if it's X?" don't always have an easy answer, and I don't think any trans person can solidly eliminate the question forever. I have a friend who's more than 2 years on T and still occasionally worries that he's secretly cis. But the fact that doubt lingers doesn't stop trans people from transitioning.

I want to be careful here to not seem like I'm saying that you should run right into transitioning with no caution. I just want to frame your doubts in perspective. If gender affirming steps feel uncomfortable, and you find yourself surrounded by doubts, then it's important to listen to that and take a step back. But if you're 90% certain that transition is right for you, but that 10% of doubt is scaring you away, try and put it in perspective. There's a 10% chance you'll regret transitioning, and 90% chance that you'll regret not transitioning. And sometimes only time and experience can close the gap between 90% and 99%.

Gahhh, I seem to be infinitely apt at bloviating; sorry 🥴. Hopefully something in my essay of a response can be of use to you.

#ask #no i have no shame in writing such a longer answer 😤#ok maybe a little lol #but i find externalizing my own advice actually really helps me resolve my own doubts because i share much of this #anyways thanks for coming to my ted talk lmaooo #long post #cw: dysphoria #cw: dissociation

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amelmajrii · 4 years

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this is just my observation and i don’t mean it in a bad way, again as a reminder it’s only been 2 weeks since her debut. yes i said 2 weeks.

i think casey is doing a bit of shuffling in the lineup trying to figure out who works well together and where. i think tobin has an advantage here, because she can play both wings and the midfield if needed (seems unlikely bc united have a strong midfield but always good to have versatility).

whereas press is a forward. her natural position is a striker, it’s where she’s always played. this has only recently changed in the last few years (esp at utah bc 9 is the only position ARod plays so press didn’t have much of a choice otherwise). press is good at the wing and she’s good as a 9. yes ik she said she likes the wing she also said she’s always played at a 9. so i get why she’s being played there right now, and if you other anons are honest, you do too.

tricky thing for untied is they already had a few really talented wingers in galton and hanson. in comparison, russo seems to be the only true 9 (jane ross maybe but idk?). the obvious choice as a manager is to replace russo for press as she herself stated it’s her natural position.

also psa: idc who you are or how many trophies you’ve won you don’t automatically deserve to be in the starting 11, or displace other teammates (on the wings or elsewhere) who have been performing well just because you’ve won world cups. you earn all starting spots, and that’s my final take on this. you personally are not doing this but i’m seeing a lot of people complain about press not being a starter so i’d again throw out it’s still only been 2 weeks. but i felt the need to say this

i think that press is struggling to get back into form, and that’s fine. she hasn’t been out for long periods before and had to build her body back to game fitness and it’s new to her. and you can still clearly see this is the case, it may even take a few more games. welcome to professional sports guys.

imo she didn’t look fantastic today. i expect someone of her talent to put that goal away when she’s not being properly marked (like seriously you leave press open on the back post lol) and she did. i think the goal helps from a mental standpoint for sure, and honestly i think she was probably surprised she got it too.

you can clearly see her touches are still too heavy and she’s turning the ball over at the halfway line. and from what i’ve seen, when she gets on the pitch she just looks kind of tired and only has bursts of energy/speed, and is almost like waiting for the ball to come to her which is not at all how she usually plays.

i trust stoney. press got 15 mins today because stoney thought that’s what she needed/could contribute to the game.

while coaches and players can say whatever, we don’t actually know what press looks like in training and perhaps she’s not geling as quickly as tobin has (the front 3 today had a killer half) and that’s why stoney isn’t giving her more game minutes. as a coach i would not be trying to gel players when points are on the line. i’d wait to see it in practice first.

if that’s the case, i don’t blame stoney for not giving her much game time. i don’t think press has connected especially well with galton yet and stoney seems to really like having her on the pitch and when she’s having a good game (like today) she provides some quality assists.

so i think what i’m trying to say is that; while yes press needs game minutes to shake off her rust, if she’s not connecting with the other players on the field, then it’s not useful to have her out there. and i think a lot of people are having a hard time swallowing and think that she’s only rusty bc she’s not getting minutes, while i think there’s a lot more at play and acknowledging that sucks because she’s their fav which i get.

i think once she starts connecting better with the team, the rust will also begin to fade and that’s when we’ll see more of her. it’s been 2 weeks, i’d rather wait to see her when she’s at her best than what i’ve been seeing now when she’s coming on and not contributing as much as we all and she knows she could be.

thanks for reading my long ass take on this lmao. you’re one of the few people who actually really understands the technical aspects of football, and i think connection among teammates is very underrated and can ultimately make or break games. and for press it’s just not there yet. people keep complaining that she should be starting and getting like 45 mins and she’s clearly not ready for it yet, but she eventually will.

hope your french babies are well (neymar and veratti is a love story i didn’t know i needed) also love seeing diacre test positive for covid, karma doing her thing once again;)

Hi ! i took my time and read this. and i didn't know many people were complaining because i follow only a few on here.

The main reason like you said it’s because Press has never (thankfully for her) been out on long periods because of injuries and stuff like that so it’s harder to bounce back and get to a team, a new team in that matter. It maybe would have been easier if it was the NT where she has played for a long with the players. Also, Casey needs to find out as well who to play together and who works best with one another. I think the shuffling will go on for a bit with the return of Ona in defense and Lauren James. The international break will once again give CP and everyone staying time to gel and make connections on the pitch.

Also, CP is her best critic and then she has T and Casey as a coach to tell what went wrong sometimes. Also, Casey knows her value and wants to play her (im certain of that) but she also has to handle a team which has many attacking players. So its not that easy. I would try not to read too much into that part of her getting only a little minutes even though i want to see CP back to full form asap. I would have been bummed if T didn't play well but then i would not make that issue given the situation and how long they've been off the field. Again repeating this for everyone : They have been playing for 2 weeks ONLY!!!

and like you said, CP will definitely start kicking ass again because she's a talented, skilled and experienced player with a great understanding of the game!

my french babies are fine unless they do some shit on Tuesday against Man utd and then my morale will take a hit !

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harleyquinnbluemoonlove · 4 years

Text

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I will dumb it down a little bit. I am taking advantage of my position of power, now that I am a Celebrity in the World. Its the greatest feeling in the world, feels better than good sex and that is a hard thing for me to admit because I love some good, hot, sweaty sex and I’ve been going without for several weeks. I almost fell like a Nun because I cannot even pleasure myself because I was molested as a child by Lovie Price’s boyfriend “Frank Parker” a gasoline man from an early. I told Connie Price about it when I was 15 and her name at the time was Connie Dunford. It was the same day Brandie Ann Thompson said Curtis Triplett tried to rape her in the bathroom at the house In Frayser, Memphis TN. Brandie Ann in her hayday, resembled a youthful Cameron Diaz. Cameron Diaz dated Justin Timberlake once upon a time. She played in the move “The mask” and the mask was green. At the end of the movie, the dog put on the mask. You all know, when you wear that mask---you become a Shape Shifter, transforming into anything/anyone you think will grab the Hot or Not Rated #10 Woman’s ATTENTION/HEART/LOVE and will do anything, I mean anything to get it. The secret to my success is a compilation of everything good, bad, dirty, evil and let’s call it “The Struggle” or the “Human Experience”.

Old School (OS) Operating System (OS) Back to Basics (B2B) Brandie Thompson (BT) Barry Thompson (BT) Blue Tooth (BT) Brandie Smith (BS) Bull Shit (BS) Rent A Center (RAC) Roger Adren Crawford (RAC) $1K (RAK) Rags to Riches Richard Abernathy (RA) **secret boyfriend shh!!** Douche Bag (DB) or Douglas Belknap (DB) Thomas Jones (TJ) County Road (CR) Danny Thomas (DT) Deanna Thomas (DT) ... Trying to show you how I think period dot. In ya’ll are slow, period dot also equal two dots. You must have two dots to play connect the dots and draw the lines to illustrate inspiration into a masterpiece. The best pieces of Art are very old, have a solid reputation, and is properly curated to ensure it maintains its value for infinity times three.

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Genesis clearly explains that certain things were created on certain days and back time was measured. You cannot just create a man or a woman. First, you need the Universe. Then, you need the Galaxy which creates Space. In Space, you have the moon, stars, sun, planets, black holes, asteroids, comets, shooting stars, orbit, gravitational pull. Here we are on planet Earth with 7 continents and 7 oceans. I like the number 8 because it represent a number, a symbol, and no limitations--infinity. My son was born on 3-8-03 weighing 8 pounds, 8 ounces and 19.5 inches long, color: BLUE, life: No sign of it. It took 10 minutes and PLEADING WITH THE LORD AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS SCREAMING PRAYING TO PLEASE GIVE HIM LIFE, I DON’T WANT TO HAVE GONE THROUGH 35.5 HOURS OF LABOR AND 7 HOURS OF HARD PUSHING WITH NO PAIN MEDICINE, NO EPIDURAL, GAVE BIRTH TO A STILL BORN BABY NATURALLY AND THE GOOD LORD ANSWERED MY PRAYERS AND THAT BOY CRIED AND WENT TO THE NICU AT BETHESDA NAVAL HOSPITAL IN MONTGOMERY COUNTY, MARYLAND. ITS ALSO REFERRED TO AS “THE PRESIDENTS HOSPITAL”.

He is 17 years old, already a MASTERMIND and a Professional Gamer. He is so smart like me, that he had to design/build/code his own computer because there is not a computer on the planet that can keep up with his level of gaming. I saw a photo of it. Its a desktop computer with the case taken off the side--lit up with blue LED lights

It’s Confession Time and Holy Communion Time that means confess your sin, wrongdoing, break bread, eat bread, drink wine, not whine. No days off, no excuse, no immunity, no setups, no blame game, no liars, no stealing, checks and balances, no absolute power because absolute power fosters absolute corruption, which is why were in this position right now with COVID-19, Corona Virus.

I think one person needs a pardon because he has stayed on the job, even though he was originally lied to by the Feds. He deserves a pardon, record expunged, and an opportunity. I see great potential, just needs an opportunity, believe in himself, and have the courage to escape his own prison of gold diggers, groupies, fans, and whores.

In this triad, it is a rags to riches story times three. There is only 1 TRUE VERSION of ME, and its right here in Memphis TN, age: 41(Birth Cert).

To succeed in any sports game, you must be fit, educated, content with yourself to include your pros/cons/demons and knowledgeable & intelligent enough to know that I am certified True OG, I got your back no matter what because to me money ain’t a thing, fame fades just like stars, but loyal dogs do not turn on their master unless they are abused or hungry. I am a Blue AKC Royal Bloodline Pitbull, Staffordshire Terrier. Pitbull is the image you need to have in your mind when you think of ME.

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DO NOT HACK MY PHONE OR MY LAPTOP, DO NOT HACK ANYTHING OR ANYBODY BC YOU CANNOT DO IT BETTER THAN U.S. BC U.S. CREATED THE INTERNET IN WASHINGTON DC AT THE PENTAGON CALLED “DARPANET” IN 1974. THE FIRST COMPUTER WAS AN APPLE, SECOND COMPUTER WAS MICROSOFT. A GOOD BRAND IS A HP WITH MS WINDOWS. I HAVE A BLUE HP LAPTOP STREAM, I HAVE A BLACK APPLE IPHONE 7. I AM ON A WIFI WITH A VPN THAT KEEPS GETTING DISABLED. THE SOUND ON MY PHONE DOES NOT WORK. I AM BACKING UP BOTH DEVICES AND GOING TO RESET TO FACTORY SETTINGS SO I CAN GURANTEE EFFECTIVE DIGITAL SECURITY.

2. I NEED COMPANY TO SIT WITH ME, DRINK WITH ME. I WOULD LOVE SOME JACK AND COKE OR A BUD LIGHT. I WOULD ALSO LOVE SOME FOOD THAT CONTAINS RED MEAT TO ASSIST ME WITH MY BLOOD PROBLEMS. BUDDY OR BLUE OR YO -- FIGURE IT AND SEND ME SOMEONE I KNOW. I AM TOO PRETTY AND TOO COOL TO BE CHILLING BY MYSELF WITH NO FOOD, NO ALCOHOL, NO MONEY, NO WEED, ETC.

3. SELF EVALUATE OR DO A PEER REVIEW/. SELF EVALUATION IS LOOKING AT YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR AND THINKING ABOUT YOUR LIFE. I LIKE TO WRITE THINGS DOWN, IF HELPS ME. IT WILL BRING ABOUT A SENSE OF UNDERSTANDING WHO, WHAT, WHY YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE, HOW YOU BECAME PERSON, AND DESIGN YOUR OWN ROADMAP TO BEING A BETTER PERSON AND OPENING YOUR HEART TO REALIZATION THAT THE CHILDREN ARE THE FUTURE, RIGHT WE ARE THE WORLD, WE CAN ACHIEVE GREATNESS, A NEW TYPE OF MAGIC “UTOPIA”.

WHAT ARE YOU ABOUT? WHAT DO YOU WANT OUT OF LIFE? ARE YOU HAPPY WITH YOURSELF? CAN YOU FREE YOUR MIND? CAN YOU OPEN YOUR HEARTS? CAN YOU COMMIT? DO YOU KNOW WHEN TO WALK AWAY? WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE IN? DO YOU HAVE CONFIDENCE? ARE YOU IN YOUR OWN PRISON--YOUR MIND, YOUR FEELINGS, YOUR RELATIONSHIP STATUS?

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At the end of the day, who do you want to be with?

Woman - Wise can deliver the world or drop the world, age 41 -- looks better than 20 & 30 year old GIRLS. Does not care about money, fame, status, power because the game was scheduled and unfortunately, unaware of the OP -- she walked, ran, sprinted STOLE the Flag, and won the game.

Everyone wants to still run their mouths, try to control a man, and those hos, have no power, position, fame, etc. They are with or around you because of who you are, what you have done, and what you can give them---in my opinion that is abuse of power and targeting someone to manipulating them to do what you want them to do.

I like structure, things to be done a certain way because I like cleanliness, organization, faith, love, hope, trust, and loyalty.

I would not cop an attitude with everyone, if I did not feel like the world was against me. Hint, hint -- I don’t trust authority figures because I was molested, abused, targeted, almost died several times, lied to, cheated on, setups, smear campaigns, gossiped about, bullied, beat on, yelled at, called names, jealous women everywhere so dumb they forget I have a hunger against Human Trafficking. People are on this RACISM BULL SHIT.

Its 2020, Racism = IGNORANCE AND IGNORANCE IS NOT BLISS ANYMORE, IGNORANCE IS DEADLY.

Basic belief system of Karma, it is a metaphysical/paranormal reality that is mixed with real, artificial, and soon-to-be virtual reality. It is what it is.

What you set your mind, what you do and the thoughts and actions you put into the world will either grant you your dreams or come back times three by the of karma, what goes around, comes around.

I want/will do good and be a good role model for everyone. I am going to teach, help you, do what I want, when I want, how I want because I know my worth, my value, and what I can GURANTEE/DELIVER.

Greed, jealousy, laziness, and all the ugly things that are in the world

WILL

get you no where but hungry, lonely but free, penniless, candy-less, eliminate sports.

COMMIT OR QUIT

MY MISSION WILL ENDURE AND CARRY ON UNTIL I FEEL MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. I DO NOT HAVE A FAILURE TO THRIVE AND I DO NOT LACK A WILL TO LIVE.

MY ISNT OVER, YET;

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alias-b · 4 years

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Without The Lights~ Billy Hargrove x OC Camille Harper

Chapter 1: Uptown Girl

Touch with Billy Hargrove often meant getting fresh stitches plucked open. For Camille Harper, he'd risk it. Camille was Queen Bee of Hawkins High School. The teen dream. Billy wanted her for it. No use lying about that much. But, they get more than they bargained for when two messy lives from opposite ends of town intertwine. Secrets unravel between them when one dimension bleeds into another. Camille is a girl just trying to do better when Billy barges into her life and new pieces come together. Maybe not all the ones they wanted. He gets tangled into her lavish existence. Rich girl. Absent parents. A mystery that blooms, threatening everything they built. And three little numbers: 006.

A/N: Also posted on my AO3 :))) I thought I’d conform and start posting here too bc why not!. Warning for mention of past bullying, teens drinking/smoking, and one light mention of forced vomiting. Starts at S2 and veers off into an AU at 3. Thanks!

** ** ** ** ** ** **

It had to be a joke. Hick town. Piece of shit school. Nothing here came close to California. It was all gone. That sweet citrus air. The crisp waves of billowing sea water. Billy Hargrove decided anywhere was better than here. Hawkins, Indiana was a pit. Especially while an office aid with horrid breath prattled on across the counter. He couldn’t even fake the charm this morning.

“Here are your classes, Mr. Hargrove. We tend to pair all our transfers with a student. Make your first day easier.”

“Don’t bother.” Billy clutched an old messenger bag in one hand, snatching his class list to his chest. The secretary pretended not to hear him when the office door opened. A bubble of pink gum popped and Billy grew stunned.

“Ah, here she is. Ms. Harper, this is William Hargrove-"

"Billy."

"-the new transfer. He’ll shadow you this morning.”

“Camille,” her lips lifted in greeting. Hair flicked behind her shoulder when she adjusted her sweater. All dark locks and huge green, hazel eyes. They took a beat to stare. Billy knew instantly the circle this girl was in. Picture perfect. Pretty in pink. Prissy thing. Oh, but, she was a fox. His eyes drew to the tiny beauty mark under her right eye. That voice was lush even for a seventeen year old with such a sweet face. But, those eyes. “Let’s see it, transfer.”

“Huh?” Billy lost his thought when her hand came up to pluck the schedule from his fingers.

“I’ve got it from here, Ms. Krueger.”

“Harper. Hargrove. Har har. Perfect fit,” the woman laughed at her joke and Camille looped one arm in Billy’s to get this boy to move his ass. She wouldn’t let him make her late.

“Good one, Ms. Krueger.” That sweet princess smile dropped the moment they turned the corner so she pulled from him when he fell in stride. Billy was barely two inches taller than her. This girl glided like a ballerina. It was infuriating. Almost. “Shame I didn’t find you earlier, I could have warned you to keep a distance. That woman doesn’t know her way around a bottle of mouthwash.” Camille popped another bubble and peered up at him, lax. “We have first period together. English with Strode.” Billy found his charm again.

“Lucky for you.” He remarked, earning the slightest huff of amusement. Barely audible. Students peered at them both, fascinated with the new boy. Sizing him up. He carried himself higher in response and grew annoyed when his thoughts lingered on Max probably stuck with awkward introductions as well.

“Looks like I’ll also be seeing you in...hm, third period: study hall, lunch, and fourth period: chemistry. Huh...” Those bright eyes lifted and he gave a scoff, grumbling.

“Everything else was full.”

“This way,” she turned the corner and peered up to meet Nancy’s eyes. She’d pulled from Steve and given a slight wave that was acknowledged in turn. Camille passed her and ignored everyone’s staring before she knocked one knuckle to metal. “Your locker. Lucky boy, you didn’t get a broken one.” She leaned against the wall and gave him a moment to stuff books away. “Where did you transfer from?” Camille watched him suck in his cheeks. Jaw clenched. Oh, he was pretty.

“California.” He cocked his head and she caught the slightest dusting of freckles in the light. “Dad decides to uproot the family to the land of manure.”

“You get used to that.” That silent amusement twitched.

“Don’t bet on it.” He smacked the door shut, smooth now. “You the queen bee around here?”

“What’s it to you?” She walked along, gliding still.

“Every school has their royalty.” Billy remarked and she changed the subject without breaking stride. A sort of challenge danced between them.

“This way. Mrs. Strode is easy enough. Just nod a lot when she eyes you and pretend to take notes. You have Gym next. Down the hall all the way to the end, take a left, you’ll find it. Big room with basketball hoops and sweaty boys. Can’t miss it.” Miss Priss liked her dry humor, he noted. "I can meet you and show you where to go after. Keep up and don’t make me late. We clear, transfer?” She tilted her head to one side and Billy studied her.

“Crystal.” He drew out the syllables and she smirked, turning to go off with another flick of lavish hair.

“Welcome to Hawkins, Billy Hargrove.”

** ** ** **

“How did you get the best job in school?” Carol leaned over the lunch table hours later.

“Carol,” Camille sighed with no joy and pulled from her conversation with Heather next to her.

“Showing that fine ass around?”

“Aren’t you still with Tommy? Thought he was ass enough.” Camille earned a snicker from Heather so Carol stood taller.

“Some of us are trying to eat,” Steve Harrington appeared from nothing and Carol shot him a look, going around him and bumping into Nancy on the way off.

“Still bitter,” Camille remarked, sitting back.

“She needs to get over herself. Anyways, I have to drop something off, see you in chem. New lab partners coming. I think I got Robin.” Heather hurried to go with a wave goodbye.

“Can I sit?” Steve waited for a nod and Nancy joined him.

“You two going to Tina’s Halloween party?” Orange flyers where littered all over the school.

“Wouldn’t miss it. Didn’t that guy jump off the roof last year and land in the koi pond?” Steve shook his head

“Rumor had it, he ate one of those fish on a bet.” Camille joked, eyes flicked across the way to see Tina giving Billy an invitation. Flirting.

“So, the new boy.” Nancy began.

"Asshole." Steve was quick to remark. "I have gym with the guy."

“Rough and tumble sort.” Camille bit into an apple slice and shrugged. Year later and it was strange. Being friends again. Or, trying to. Suppose tragedy brings people together.

“Steve and I are going tonight. To the Holland’s.” Nancy began. “You’re welcome again.”

“Not sure I can do it tonight. Last time...and that house.” Camille paused, inhaling. “And my parents are going to be home together for the first time in weeks. They’ll want to do something.”

“Dad still working late at Hawkins lab?” Nancy pretended to be blasé about it.

“That and all the trips. He’s a wanted man, I guess. Mom is absorbed into her fashion thing. But, she loves it and I can’t knock her wanting to work again.”

“What exactly does your dad do there these days?”

“Never talks about it so I stopped asking. Big shot scientists. Can’t be bothered. Making the town a better place, always late to dinner. Whatever.” Camille’s eyes lifted. “Why the interest in my Dad lately?”

“Just all that stuff last year. A lot happened. Fingers were pointed.”

“They pointed wrong, I heard. Not like my dad would ever be involved in these weird conspiracies. He’s painfully normal.”

“He could secretly be a Terminator, Cam,” Steve laughed and Nancy dropped it when Camille reached over to smack her friend.

“Real funny.” She stood with her tray. “He says he helps people. He’s wanted to help people his whole life. I’ve heard every speech possible about it. But, whatever tests they’re running, they can’t exactly flash that all over the news. Small town labs, you know, they’re nothing. They’re glorified electric companies.”

“They certainly can’t flash it.” Nancy tried to smile.

“Tell Mrs. Holland I’m thinking about her.”

“I will.” Nancy gave a nod, resting back while Camille dumped her trash out and couldn’t spot Billy when the bell rang. Huffing, she rolled her eyes and marched out, turning to sneak down the hallway and open a back door to a set of stone steps. Her assigned shadow was leaning into them, hurrying to snuff out a smoke.

“Easy, beach boy, it’s me. You’re making me late for chem.”

“Broke Princess’s rule, huh. How’d you find me so quick?”

“Know the type. All the smokers who think they’re slick slip out this door. It’s the spot. Come on.” She cocked her head and he slipped in.

“Tell me about that Steve Harrington guy. More royalty.”

“Making new friends already. How sweet is that.” She picked up the pace when the bell rang again. “Steve, the hair, Harrington. Probably the most popular boy in school. Even after last year.”

“Hearing a lot about last year.” Billy pretended not to care. Nothing exciting in manure land. So he thought.

“Little boy went missing, it was a whole big thing. Thought he died but they found him. Thankfully.”

“Girl went missing too in our class.”

“Barb. They...haven’t found her.” Camille averted her eyes and he dropped that subject. “Steve ruled the school with the rest of us. Certain things went down and our group split. High school drama and all. Not very interesting. Why the questions, don’t you hate this place? Trying to be the new hair guy with those darling curls?”

“Just like to know what I’m up against.”

“Rough and tumble and in need of a new challenge. Noted. Hurry up.” Camille rushed into class with Billy unbothered behind her.

“Ah, Ms. Harper and you brought the new transfer, how nice. Take the last two seats in back. You’ll be lab partners.” Mrs. West gestured, a younger teacher than his others here. Lovely, Camille turned her eyes to Billy and he looked utterly smug. “Billy Hargrove just transferred from California. See to it, class, that he feels welcomed.”

“So far, so good, teach.” He turned up the charm with a wink and earned several girls sitting forward in response before he sauntered down to join Camille at a high table they would share. Pretty and aggravating, Camille decided. Billy eyed her again while the teacher began and she pulled a notebook out. Sleeves shifted up and he noticed a scar, small and round just an inch or so under her wrist. Looked like a burn. Hazel eyes lifted to see his blue ones and there was...nothing. Nothing there that he’d gotten from every other girl at this school admiring his ass in tight jeans. Billy took note to himself: a stone fox.

** ** **

“How was school, honey?” Noah Harper locked the attic door behind him and Camille pretended she wasn’t trying to see into it. His eyes were intent until the lock clicked.

“Fine. Had to show another new guy around.” She eyed the attic again. The only forbidden room in their huge house. “We still on for dinner with mom?”

“About that...” He saw her shoulders drop. “Something came up and they need me tonight.”

“You promised.” She batted her eyes.

“I know and I’ll make it up to you.” He kissed her head. “Did you take your pills?”

“Yes.”

“New dose is helping, I’m sure.”

“Less nosebleeds.” Camille shrugged, averting her eyes before she turned to go down the steps.

“Camille, honey, I promise that we’ll get dinner next time.”

“I know,” she faked a smile. “I get it.”

“You are...everything to me. I love you and I’m sorry I haven’t been around the last year. You are so important. Trust that.” He came to her, tucking hair aside.

“I love you, dad.” She let herself brighten. Just a little. Noah watched her turn to go off. Her mother was currently in her own studio, light filled the room while she mulled over a drawing and turned to pin pieces of fabric to a bodice on a stand.

“Bow or no bow, darling?” Rosemary, a women growing more beautiful with age, mused and Camille considered it.

“Bow.” She plopped into a cushioned chair.

“Talked to your father, did you?” She watched her daughter nod with a pout. “We can still have our dinner and watch whatever romantic movie we wish.”

“I know. I just...never see him anymore. It’s worse.”

“It’ll get better again, they’re short staffed after those accidents. Your father was lucky to be out of town.”

“He’s always out of town.” Camille tried not to whine. “I see Edna more than I see you two.”

“We certainly have kept her busy with this house. She adores you.” The maid practically raised her.

“I just miss my parents.”

“We just want you to have a better life than us. That’s all any parent wishes for. We work hard and can only teach so much. You’ll understand when you grow older.” Rosemary kissed her daughter’s hair. “How was school? I heard talk of a new student. A boy?”

“Yes...”

“A cute boy?”

“Gorgeous and bad news for certain.” Camille crossed her arms.

“So you like him?”

“Every girl liked him and he loved that.” She stood up. Billy was a bad boy drawn to royalty. “Going to get my homework out of the way.”

“Pasta tonight?”

“Yes, of course.” Camille hurried off, eyeing that attic down the long hallway before she continued on.

** ** **

Camille didn’t speak to Billy much that next day. He sat behind her in English and resisted the urge to tug on loose locks of bouncy hair when she shifted in her seat. Study hall was similar, she sat alone with a book on Latin; completely absorbed. Smart and popular. An entire compact package. He could have wrapped her in a pretty, pink ribbon. The thought was enticing. Camille wasn’t the rich bitch she used to be. Well, still working on that but progress lingered between every little conversation with Nancy. Frankly, it was nice to be rid of Tommy and Carol in their group. She took note often of Steve and Nancy huddling together to whisper these days and stopping when she or Heather walked up.

“Happy Halloween, Cam.” Heather never grew out of her sweet face. Doe eyes to match.

“It is indeed. Want to come over and get ready for Tina’s party? My mom seemed excited about it and it’ll break her heart if we don’t let her fuss.”

“Your house is a mansion, I wouldn’t miss it.” Heather laughed to herself.

“I’ll drive you,” Camille cocked her head when they got outside. Billy’s blue Camaro whizzed loudly out of the parking lot. They caught sight of a little redhead in the passenger seat. “Didn’t know he had a sister.”

“Stepsister, I guess. Seemed pretty short about that. She’s the same age as Nancy’s brother.” The two friends got into Camille’s little grey car to speed off. “Are you going out for gymnastics again this year?”

“Ah, not sure. Might tutor instead, they’ve been asking me.”

“Thinking I’ll stay with cheer-leading. I’m so jealous of your brain.” Heather huffed to herself.

“Okay, weird.” Camille laughed and turned a corner.

“I’m serious. You’re somehow beautiful and you absorb books like a sponge absorbs water. And you’re different… Nicer.”

“Okay, rude...but true.” She’d admitted and Heather smiled.

“Good different like happier. Relaxed. You and Nancy are talking again. We never thought we’d see that day. Ever since…you know.”

“I grew tits early and started dressing better and dropped my two friends. Yeah. Lesson learned.”

“It’s just better now. Never too late I guess even for Queen Bee.”

“Too sappy for your own good,” Camille peered over when they passed the Loch Nora sign and pulled up to her house. Lavish and cared for. Cold on occasion when they weren’t throwing the usual holiday party. “Taking your son out tonight, Edna?” Camille stopped the housekeeper on the way out. She was only in her twenties when she came to their family to look after this house and, admittedly, the daughter within whose parents were never around.

“Yes, he’s so excited. Wanted to be the Terminator this year.” She laughed. “Goodnight, Milly.”

“Night,” Camille looped her arm in Heather’s and led her inside where her mother was waiting.

** ** **

Music boomed, vibrating Tina’s house while every teen inside danced about. Many wandered the grounds with red cups full of stolen booze. Spotting Nancy and Steve, Camille crossed with Heather behind her. Two drinks down into her stomach. Working on the third.

“Aw, couples costume. I have to say I’m impressed.” Camille watched Nancy smile with dull eyes.

“Madonna,” Steve eyed Heather, “best one yet.”

“Damn, I knew I’d have competition.” Heather giggled and pulled Nancy off to get a drink.

“She okay?” Camille asked after a beat and Steve rubbed his head.

“Not sure, she’s been acting weird ever since...ah,” Steve stopped himself. “You know it’s been a year and the dinner, I think...it brought some stuff up.”

“Keep an eye on her, something’s off. Something’s been off...with you both.”

“We’ll be fine. Relax.” Steve ran a hand into his locks and Camille gave him a nod, passing to go outside and escape the pounding music. That’s where she saw Billy again. Clad in even tighter jeans and a leather jacket with no shirt. Fingerless gloves. Terminator, she amused herself. Currently, he was hoisted upside down over the keg, easily beating Steve’s held record, while admirers around him cheered and counted. He spotted her and winked even in his position, causing her to roll her eyes and drink from her own cup.

“Yeah!” He got upright and sprayed beer, earning more drunk cheers. Tommy was an eager lackey, egging him on and nearly shoved up his ass. “That’s how you do it, Hawkins!” He puffed a cigarette as the wild crowds hurried back to join the dancing.

“The new keg king!” Tommy bellowed and Billy paid him no mind, crossing toward Camille leaning near the doorway. Eyes narrowing and deliberate, he stalked like a lion and she was undaunted.

“You’re fitting in.” She commented so he blew smoke the other way. “Nice costume.”

“And you are, ah, some kind of witch.” He gestured with his hands.

“Stevie Nicks.” She chuckled. “As in: Fleetwood Mac. But, honestly, you’re not wrong.”

“Think you meant, bitch. Hey, Harper.” Tommy leaned over Billy’s shoulder, wasted. “Still flying lower with Steve and Miss Perfect?”

“Oh, Tommy. Don’t be like that,” Camille smiled with red lips splitting wide. An expression that cut. “Glad to see you and Carol still going so strong.” She stepped forward, craning her neck to see him behind Billy. A true predator. Slow and calculating. Billy couldn’t help but leer. She acted like he wasn’t even there between them. Princess played up a pout. “Do you remember when you two had that little break and you wrote me that...dirty...nasty...filthy letter. Spelling and grammar problems aside, it was…vividly detailed. Billy, you should have been around for that.” She gave his shoulder a pat and shivers ran his spine, amusement flickered his own expression. “Tommy, here, is quite the writer. I still have it, thinking of getting a chic frame. Something classy.” She gulped the rest of her cup. “Maybe, I ought to get together with Carol. Compare notes sometime. I’m sure she’d adore that.” Camille gave Tommy’s cheek a light smack and pressed her empty cup toward him until he took it. “Enjoy the party, boys. Queen’s gotta buzz.”

“Stay away from that one,” Tommy scoffed, pushing at Billy next to him who only smiled. “Daddy’s girl. Spoiled nightmare. Total bitch.” Billy inhaled smoke again and flicked ashes in Tommy’s direction to get him off his back.

“Rough and tumble girl.” He’d muttered more so to himself. Camille crossed to get another drink when Tommy came in boasting about their new keg king.

“Eat it, Harrington!” Another boy joined in. Chants of Billy’s name died down when the two teens sized each other up. Steve yanked his sunglasses away. Instant disdain. Nancy rolled her eyes and turned to get away from them, crossing to the bowl of punch.

“What’s in this one?” She leaned over to grab a cup.

“Pure fuel!” The drunk boy on Camille’s other side donned a toga and stumbled.

“Rat poison.” Camille was flat, sipping. "And I was so hoping for gasoline, we had rat poison at the last party." Nancy was already dunking her cup in to gulp.

“Whoa, slow down.” Camille touched her wrist. Nancy went in for another and Steve hurried over when Camille gave him a look.

“Take it easy, Nance. Hey...” He put his arm out and she scoffed at him, wiping the punch from her cheek.

“We’re just being stupid teenagers for the night. Wasn’t that the deal?” She was already intoxicated after three full cups. Ruefully, she moved beyond her friends and went to join the dancing with a fourth cup.

“I told you.” Camille pushed at Steve so he went after her. “What the hell?” She'd uttered under her breath, turning to almost run into Billy Hargrove’s bare chest. He enjoyed it a little too much.

“Scare you?”

“Second day in the manure fields of Hawkins and you are the new keg king. Your majesty.” She gave a mocking curtsy and shifted around him to lean against an empty doorway. The air smelled of booze and weed. Billy trailed after to light up another smoke. Intrigued, he puffed and offered it to her. A clear test. Intoxicated, Camille took it and dragged slowly, blowing air aside. “Afraid I only smoke on the rare drunken social occasion.” She offered it back with two fingers only for him to wrap his lips around it, blue eyes lingering when he inhaled. “You think you’re slick, don’t you?” Her hand pulled from him and he ghosted a smile with smoke edging between his teeth around the cigarette. Billy leaned into her space.

“You really think I can’t get a read on you, Harpy?” He was pleasantly drunk too.

“Harpy? That’s a new one.” Did she like it? Perhaps. “And, yes, actually. I do.”

“Got used to all these country boys tripping over themselves. Worker bee drones. But, you know they don’t stand a chance and you love it.” He pressed his palm to the door frame behind her to shift closer. Cologne invaded her senses above the smoke. Ashes flicked. He dragged once more and snuffed it into the wall after. “They all fall down. Can’t read the queen.”

“And you think you’re quick enough on your feet, Billy?” She watched that dear, charming smile cross his face. Hard not to melt at that. Camille trailed her eyes down his sharpened expression. His voice hushed.

“I think that you want to find out.” He leaned into her, eyelashes fluttering. Barely inches from those full, red lips; Billy heard her utter and touch his chest.

“Shit.” Camille came out from him to see Nancy trying to get back into the punch bowl. Billy stilled to lean out too, irritation twitched his brow. Almost had her.

“Nancy, stop, put it down.” Steve tried to wrestle the cup from her and Nancy was accidentally splashed with a full drink. Staining her white costume. The party stilled briefly to see the scuffle.

“What the hell?” Nancy slapped the cup down and hurried away. Camille forgot Billy in front of her and crossed after with Steve behind her. Nancy stumbled down a hallway and tripped with her friend barely catching her.

“Come on, I got you.”

“I don’t need your help,” Nancy pushed off and poked her shoulder. “You can’t just...just pretend to be my friend again because you feel sorry for Barb and I.”

“Nancy...it isn’t like that. I lost her too.” Camille stood taller. Steve drew forward as if to get between them.

“Where were you, then? Huh? Bullshitting with...with all your cool new people. Stuffing fingers down your throat because Carol said to." It only happened twice. "Buying another cool outfit, oh, so p-popular. Impress your asshole friends. We...We killed Barb.”

“Nancy, stop.” Steve tried to get her into the bathroom.

“She needed us. She was always there for us and we weren’t there!” Nancy jerked away and spun on her heel to shut herself into the bathroom. Steve paused to see the girl behind him.

“I deserved that.”

“She drank too much. She didn’t mean it,” Steve touched her arm. “And no, you didn’t. You and I...we made some shitty choices.”

“People were hurt because of them.” Camille offered.

“We can do better. We are.” Steve nodded. “I need to check on her.”

“Of course,” Camille turned and went back into the main room. Jonathan Byers crossed to see her. “Didn’t think you’d come.”

“I didn’t either.” Jonathan stuffed his hands into his pockets. “She okay?”

“I’m not sure anymore. Something's been… You guys are friends now, yeah?”

“Friends, I, uh, yes. We...We’re friends.” He’d stammered.

“Look. Have you noticed anything...off?”

“Off?” Jonathan shrugged awkwardly. “No, just-”

“The anniversary. Sure. Look, Jonathan, she likes you. She trusts you. Can you just...keep an eye on her?” She crossed her arms and there was a beat. “We weren’t ever friends and I was...not great to you.”

“You let your friend smash my camera.”

“You used that camera to take pictures of a girl undressing without her consent.” She pressed in an even tone and Jonathan dropped his head to nod. “We’re all stupid ass teenagers, right?”

“Guess so,” Jonathan relaxed when she smiled slightly at him. Steve came barging out to pass them, leaving.

“That isn’t good. Hey, I’m...too drunk to drive. Can you get Nancy home? She’s...not well.”

“Yeah,” Jonathan moved to pass her. “Stay safe.”

“You too...” She watched him go off, dropping her arms. Killed Barb. Nancy’s words. They haunted Camille the rest of that night.

** ** **

Camille stared at her chemistry book in study hall the next day, day dreaming while she doodled along her notebook. Killed Barb. Did Nancy believe that? Did they know more about that night? Those words flashed high like stage lights across her brain. A textbook slapped down across the way and Billy Hargrove was looking at her with those intent eyes. Pleased she jumped in shock, he suppressed a laugh when the librarian hushed him.

“Don’t think she likes me.” He muttered, still entertained.

“Can’t imagine why.” Camille sat back, annoyed. “What?”

“You’re avoiding me, Harpy.” He cocked his head and plopped down across from her. In the corner, they tried to stay hushed. Classic music played on low and Billy groaned to himself. “Not my fault that Strode paired us together for the project.” Camille shut her chem book and stuffed it away.

“Easy project, we pick a book from the list. Read it. Collaborate in a paper.”

“Pick one and sum it up for me.” He earned a silent laugh when she turned from him to peer outside at the crisp, grey day.

“Oh no, Billy boy, you’re going to at the very least skim the book and happily contribute to our paper. You can come to my place after school today, we’ll work on it. After you drop your sister off, I guess.”

“Max is my stepsister.” He corrected while she jotted her address down and slipped it into his hands.

“Be there or face my perfect student wrath.”

“Spitfire, I like it.” He leaned forward, arms crossing over the table. “You live in the rich neighborhood. Mommy and daddy going to be okay when I roll up to see their precious daughter? Oh, can’t forget the maid checking in all hours of the day.”

“They’re both out on business and the housekeeper is off today actually.”

“So, you’re inviting me to a big, empty house in the ritzy part of town...” He had far too many ideas.

“To work...on a project. There’s free take-out of our choosing in the deal if you show. And that sweet face will show.” She barely spared him a glance, clearly distracted still. Billy worked to catch her gaze.

“Worried about college when dearest dad can buy you any single one you want?”

“No, I just like to be the best.” She leaned forward too with a sly grin. “I enjoy school and I’m not planning on staying in a fancy house in Hawkins, Indiana with a husband I’ll never see. Especially when there is a whole world out there waiting for me to explore it.”

“Manure ain’t good enough for you now?”

“Very funny. Hawkins is too small for me. And I have a good brain that I like to put to use. I'm wasted here.” She shrugged. “No crime in that and daddy didn’t buy me everything, I saved for my own car. Now, I think you should use study hall to...study. That chem quiz Friday is going to kick your ass.”

“No use, I’m screwed.” He looked away and changed the subject. “What kind of take-out?”

“Possibly a large cheese pizza.” She quirked her lips while he rubbed his jaw.

“Hard bargain. Throw green peppers on half the pizza and I want a grand tour of your castle. You can put the royal stinger away for one night.”

“You’re just trying to waste time, Hargrove,” her eyes narrowed. Billy bit his bottom lip, entertained with a nod. Another heart melting expression when he gave her those big, blue eyes. “Deal.” She reached out and he curled his fingers around her hand to shake it.

"You won't regret this," his other hand covered hers to draw it out.

"Already am." She produced that honeyed smile a final time. Billy stood with his bag gripped tight, sliding around the table to lean next to her ear.

“I stand by what I said at the party. Just so we’re clear.” Slipping off, he disappeared behind a row of bookshelves. Camille suppressed another grin and went back to her notebook, shading in the petals of a sunflower. She imagined it in a field flooded by sunlight getting kissed by the wind. The smile broke through at the mere thought.

#billy hargrove #Billy hargrove x oc #billy hargrove fanfiction #billy hargrove fanfic #billy x camille #Camille Harper #Without the lights #billyhargrove #mine #writing #stranger things fic

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kachinnate · 5 years

Text

DEH on tour! 9/17/19

HI so i said i was gonna make a post describing my experience watching DEH last night so B^) if that’s a thing u sorta care abt i dropped it under the cut

would like to start off that i had no idea that they were introducing a new touring evan and?? he’s fucking FANTASTIC ???? aH ,, but at first glance at the cast list, the only names i recognized were maggie and marrick’s.. and even then i only knew their names, i had no idea what they sounded like or even looked like tbh. if ur curious;

evan: stephen christopher anthony jared: jared goldsmith larry: john hemphill alana: phoebe koyabe zoe: maggie mckenna cynthia: christiane noll heidi: jane pfitsch connor: marrick smith

honestly........ i wasn’t displeased w/ a single one of these actors, holy FUCK they were so good?? i love obc w/ my entire heart, and i never thought i’d ever say this, but this cast is a CLOSE fuckin second dude. aahH. and not even because they sounded like the obc, like they all sounded completely different and brought a pretty different take to their characters and it was so..... good???

one specific thing that i noticed that happened in this performance compared to all the ones i’d seen before (broadway, two or three boots, two audios for arena stage) throughout was that there was a lot more.... crying? and like, just hearing that you’re probably like,, ‘oh, that’s annoying they probably made it a lot more extra :///’ but!! really i just think there was a different sort of depth that these actors took on in certain moments that made them like.... justifiable for crying when you’ve seen these scenes before and the mood was different and there weren’t tears...

like, example: the beginning of the computer lab scene, when evan is writing his letter to himself, every evan that i’ve seen before this one read the letter out as he typed it in an almost defeated manner. like, he’s sad, obviously, how can u not be sad writing ‘maybe no one would notice if i disappeared’, but it sounds like he had long resigned to the fact that this was how things were. although it wasn’t super over the top or anything, stephen’s evan .. cried a little, like fully had some tears running down his face and was choked up as he got to the end of the letter, and i was like “!?!?!” cause it immediately gave off the sense that.. fuck, shit, evan really, really wanted his mom to be right, he genuinely had hope that today was going to be good, but.. it really wasn’t, and that kinda fuckin hurts?? like i think especially w/ us fans who know the show so well, we forget how legitimately dismal this letter is that he’s writing dsjkaefg like the murphy’s thought it was a suicide note bc it sounded like that and this might’ve been the first time i like.. didn’t question the confusion they had over it for a second, like of course you thought it was a suicide note , w/ the way evan wrote it it might as well have been

another specifically notable moment was that alana cried throughout that scene following good for you?? like holy shit was i not prepared for that?? but she played it in a way that made so much sense, like she was so hurt that evan hadn’t cared about the project and maybe the stress of it’s weighed on her a lot because she’s just trying to do this good thing but like always everyone’s just left her to it and maybe she thought it’d be different w/ evan..... like there was a lot of pent up frustration and hurt in every word she said when i’m so used to hearing that scene delivered in a monotone, deadset, cold hurt sort of way. “i’ve moved on. obviously you don’t care.”, not “you know what?! i DON’T have time for this, I have to raise SEVENTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS!” while choking up on tears like holy fuck alana did u really have to come for all of us like that

(honestly in general phoebe played the best alana i’ve ever seen, hands down, period point blank, i fucking loved what she did w/ her character.... i’m not sure if she’s been alana for a while or if she’s new too, but oh my god????)

other notable cry things:

- connor was VERY audibly on the verge of tears on his “what are you laughing at?” line - when heidi and alana were singing at evan in good for you, jared was standing off to the side and was glaring daggers @ evan but was also.. crying a little and that fucking hurt - ev was still croaky and teary from so big/so small into the scene before the finale, and zoe’s voice started catching a little halfway into their conversation and she had to stop a couple times to compose herself - and then of course tears in the spots that usually have tears like words fail and so big so small and w/e but like. it hurt more i can’t describe it these actors personally Hurt My Feelings

all in all a lot more tears from both the characters and myself

and just from all of THAT it goes without saying that there was a different, like... sort of depth that these characters brought to the table. stephen’s evan screamed desperate for a friend. i empathized with him immensely because literally every time he talked about fake!connor he sang so longingly and it was obvious that he needed needed needed this lie for himself too, like he wasn’t just telling it to the murphy’s to comfort them, he wanted so badly for this to be the truth for himself. the pull of the murphy’s caring about him and zoe was obviously there, but i truly didn’t think that was even a factor of this whole thing until into act 2. and even then... while it’s obvious that he’s in the wrong and his intentions get a bit more clouded, to me it feels like the general feel was “this has all gotten to out of hand, i can’t back out now, so i might as well just go along with all of this” instead of “oh hey this started as me trying to help the murphy’s but now my life is better? cool”

his Evan Hansen Nervous Tick (tm) was wiping compulsively at his eyes (which, given how often they all cried is very valid but also kinda funny dsjgn) and his presence in general was very........... good. like, if you mix ben platt and taylor trensch’s energies, i think you’d get stephen’s evan’s stage presence, and really that’s the only way i can describe it djslgnsdg.. like he wasn’t Stoic and Awkward like ben was but he wasn’t as bouncy and quirky as taylor was, he was placed almost in the middle of those two and it... worked, i liked it a lot. it looked like he sort of hated being in his skin and sort of wanted to run away but he Won’t because he knows he needs to Try if he wants to be seen and that’s *chef’s kiss* a good energy that i can appreciate

jared goldsmith played his jared similarly to the way that will roland played his jared, but instead of being Blant about his love for evan he gave off a little bit more of a “haah yeh bro >B^)” energy... but still obviously gay because he’s jared, i don’t think u are legally allowed to play ur jared as a straight boy (source: will roland himself, and also the author of the deh book). something i REALLY loved specifically about his singing was that whenever they sing in a harmony, jared gets the top note, and ..... omg there was something about his voice that made the chord sound so fucking PRETTY like there’s no reason for me to be star eyed @ that ending note in sincerely, me, but here i am!!! also, jared was. tiny. SO small. how can so much chaos fit into such a small lad.

also i can’t remember when but there was a point where he said a line that was funny and he laughed at himself, and then the audience laughed, and then he continued to giggle and waited a few extra seconds to say his next line and it was the cutest thing i’ve ever seen

extremely bitter at “look at you, helping the murphy’s”, he cried during good for you, and at the finale he is BEAMING at evan, like he is smiling SO BIG AT HIM, LIKE JARED GOLDSMITH PERSONALLY DECIDED “you know what, in my heart evan and jared did reconcile before the events of this moment and i’m going to make sure the audience knows because i’m going to look at him with an immeasurable amount of love in my eyes” and that was so fucking brave of him

maggie mckenna... maggie mckenna!! she was a wonderful zoe, i think she’s like my favorite zoe high key because oh my GOD? requiem fucking destroyed me... and like, i’m the odd one out because although that song is gorgeous, minus the first time i ever listened to it i never really was deeply deeply moved by it, like i understand the meaning of it and i know why it’s an extremely important song and i appreciate the amount of emotion that is portrayed within it, but to me it’s not really the Highlight of the show....... maggie’s voice was so beautiful, like soft and pretty during the beginning and powerful as FUCK on the bridge and!!!!! i wept for the first time during that song ever and i’m still shook abt it

in general, maggie’s zoe was really balanced and well played and, like... real?? like, she was adorably hanging onto every word evan said as he stammered through their first interaction, albeit a little confused, when he’s over for dinner to talk about connor she’s indifferent and sort of aloof but it’s obvious that it’s from a place of like.. misplaced Hurt, even without knowing the plot already like it’s sort of obvious.... like maggie made it clear to the audience that zoe wasn’t supposed to be coldhearted or bitchy, she was a kid who’s been hurt by her brother and has every reason to not forgive him for it just because he’s gone and is now rightfully confused because now she has to try and cope with the fact that he might’ve been a good person even though every thing he’s ever done prior went against it, and.... ughsGDJ she was just!!! so good!!!!!! also, her chemistry that she had with evan was really real too and like.. i could believe that she actually fell for him, i could believe that she genuinely did like him for more reasons than a plot device, which is really refreshing bc i can’t rlly say that i saw that same level of like.. genuine chemistry between the evan and zoe i saw when we saw deh on broadway (it was still good, don’t get me wrong, but there was just something missing that i really only noticed by watching this performance). she’s kind of quirky and weird at some points too, which again is another thing that made her feel more real to me??? when evan was like “thank you” and touched her arms after she told him that she wasn’t breaking up with him, she fully reached out to touch his arms and fully bent her entire body in half, like her face was facing the ground and i audibly choked,, also she super gently like smacked his face at one point during only us and i heard it in his mic and he inhaled a lil sharply bc he was trying not to giggle and i. cri

ngl, i’ve really only seen alana being played in one way up until now.... like, obviously every actor is going to play their character differently, and even from performance to performance there might be some change, but at least for the MOST part every alana i’ve seen has been straightforward: i’m chatty, i’m bright, i’m kind of lonely but i mean well and i REALLY care about this thing that we’re doing. there isn’t a lot of room for her to emote until, like... the whole good for you fiasco happens, the scene before it and after it, when she’s upset with evan for not helping, but even then there’s usually a trend with how she’s played. phoebe played her with SO much emotion and made her SO much more than what i expected to see??? like she cared... so much, but it was obvious that she was maybe not going about it in the right way. she seemed more like an awkward kid just like the rest of them, it was a bit more obvious that she didn’t think of herself as perfect, and it seemed a lot more clear that her intentions for helping out with the connor project were never about herself or making herself look good - it was because it genuinely meant something to her. yes, she was still a lot at times, but when evan accuses her of only being in it to help herself, it’s so like... evidently not true. like u don’t even have to see alana’s expression at all or hear how she responds, ur just immediately like “oh, so evan’s gonna be a dick now” because it’s just so obvious that it’s not like that at all, y’know?? alana had... big feelings, and she was more than the smart girl that drove the plot forward at points and gets screwed over by evan. also, her voice was extremely pretty as well *heart eyes emoji*

both of the moms brought something similar to this show: it was obvious that while they started their characterization with what obc brought, they made it their own. they brought new mannerisms and choices up and they were both so??? fucking cute????? like they had extreme mom energy, at points it felt so real, like something about the whole scene with them talking together in the murphy house b4 good for you felt..... so so so real and it was disorienting. they both made me cry so like they definitely did their job

ALSO the fucking way that heidi was looking at evan in the finale like. was one of the things that made me weep the hardest, like holy shit. she loves her son so much!!!!!! and i am CRYING !!!!!!!!! but anyway

*CLAPPING HANDS EMOJI* LARRY. FUCKING. MURPHY. oh my GOD he was an amazing larry !!!!!! like i know the fandom likes to demonize larry murphy but watching this man, i couldn’t think for a single second that this man was a bad father. he was trying so hard and just went about it in the wrong ways, and ... ghh... to break in a glove isn’t supposed to make you tear up but guess what (also this might be a personal problem but seeing him interact w/ evan gave me surges of feelings that reminded me that i have daddy issues ajdnGS like he was so. sweet. all the time, i want to throw a baseball around with this man and have him explain football to me even though i know i won’t understand it). his singing was rlly good too... like hearing it, i was like “ah. i can hear it in ur voice that when u were younger u were a bright tenor lad, but a bright tenor lad in the way that was good and not terribly nasally”

marrick was really good, but i’m like 85% sure that he was sick :’( his voice caught and he had to clear his throat a few times during sincerely, me, and he had a break on a certain note and couldn’t go higher than that, which.... is rough because although connor isn’t super tenor-y all the time he definitely ... doesn’t sing just low (but when he did sing low? *chefs kiss*) but other than that? v good acting, like evan this connor just... rlly wanted a friend. he almost cried when evan started laughing at him, and he sounded extremely devastated when he read the note... as evan’s OC, he played it very Defeated(tm) instead of confrontational, which obvs Hurt bc evan was fully like “no!!!! i fell!!” while connor was just “ did u. or did u let go.” u don’t gotta be confrontational when u are the inner demons of a boy and aren’t actually a person yaknow >B’’’’^) nevertheless i am crying xoxo!!!!!!!

all in all?? fucking incredible, i can’t believe i had the opportunity to see this cast and i’m going to hold them in a v special place in my heart :’)

#dear evan hansen #deh #deh tour #dear evan hansen tour #garbage.txt #if you have any specific questions feel free to ask bc this is going to be the only thing i think about for the next three months #long post #longpost

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