#i dont really. pay much attention to that sort of thing but thats probably good i guess
Text
Goonbot Hypno Transformation 1
Alright, I am trying something very new, out of my comfort zone, but in my interest zone: specifically hypnotizing drones and gooners, transforming both of them into a combination of gooner and robot. The goonbot will be given a few post hypnotic programs to run: firstly, their desire to want to goon will increase, secondly, they will be also think of their dick as their “antenna”, and lastly that they have a desire to make goon faces, cross eyed, tongue out, dumb goon faces. Obviously this will be an adult induction so if you’re not looking for that then thats perfectly fine, just don’t read this, and secondly if you dont want to have any of that happen to you then dont read it. If you’re okay with going under and having those post hypnotic suggestions implanted then let’s get started.
I’m assuming you’re reading this because the thought of one or both of these ideas, gooning and becoming a drone, is hot to you. In fact, it’s probably so hot that you are already starting to get hard as you begin to read this. Thats good to hear, because I want you to just start and focus on that feeling in your dick right now. Notice how the pleasure begins to rise within it. It slowly begins to throb, increasing the blood flow into it as you just imagine what this induction could do to you. As you feel your dick getting hard, I’m sure that it starts to get more sensitive. You can feel it slightly pulsing into your clothes and skin, slightly stroking itself without you even having to do anything. It’s nice to just feel it throbbing, slowly but surely, as you just feel the pleasure and the anticipation of more pleasure, begin to fill you.
I’d like for you to imagine that throbbing in your dick doing something more than just teasing you into even harder horniness. I want you to imagine that throbbing like a pump. And what it is pumping is that pleasure concentrated and created by your dick throughout your entire body. You can probably start to feel it now: the pleasure beginning to fill you slowly but surely. I’m assuming its going to start with your hips. Makes sense, since it is the closest part of you to your dick. I wonder how the pleasure feels as it begins to flow through you. Probably like a really good hard on feeling. Maybe its like someone is stroking you in that spot of your body, making sure that it feels nice and good, nice and relaxed. Maybe it feels like a tingling sensation, like goosebumps filling that part of your body. It doesn’t really matter how you feel though, because the end result is that you’re feeling pleasure, and that that pleasure continues to flow through you through your cock throbbing harder and harder now, pushing more pleasure further throughout your body.
Although a cock isn’t really the best description for it right now. It’s more of a pump of some sort, something that creates pleasure and sends it through the rest of your body. I’m assuming your hips are filled with pleasure and now its beginning to fill your legs, making them feel as though someone has just massaged the muscles, stroked them nice and hard so they feel extremely relaxed and tension free now. Isn’t it nice that your dick, your pump has such an impact on how your body is feeling.
And I know that you’re still paying a lot of attention to your dick, but I’m also sure you are really focused on these words as well, since they are part of the reason why your cock is so hard and filled with pleasure. It must be hard to be focusing on these two things at once too, your hard pleasurable pumping dick and my words, but you’re doing such a good job at it. Probably doesn’t leave room for much else at the moment but that’s okay because I think you’re fine with just focusing on my words and your throbbing pumping dick at the moment. A dick that probably at this point has filled your hips and legs with pleasure and has moved onto filling the rest of your body with pleasure as well.
I think at this point it’s important to point out that it is really hard to think of anything when you are experiencing so much pleasure. Think of when you’re hypnotized, when you’re gooning. Are you thinking much then? I don’t think so. Maybe the only words that you’re thinking of in your head are ones related to the task at hand: obey, follow, dong, dick, pump, penis, hypnotized. I’m sure you’ll have some of those same thoughts left in your head bouncing around, making you harder and hornier as well, but we’ll get to that when that pleasure begins to fill your head. Right now it’s probably making its way into your arms and chest. I wonder how that pleasure feels on your nipples right now. Is it making them hard? Does it feel like someone is playing with them? Tugging on them? Licking them? Any of those even sounds hot to me.
At this time you probably have an incredible amount of pleasure filling your body. It’s okay to moan, groan, feel your hips buck as they try to pleasure your ever hardening pumping penis. All that pleasure filling you is enough to make anyone feel like they need to continue getting more pleasure, which in this case requires you to continue reading until you’re hypnotized doesn’t it. And at this point I’m pretty sure you want to be hypnotized into pure, mindless bliss.
So let’s get to that point then. By now the pleasure has probably filled your chest and arms. You’re breathing deeply from how hot all of this seems to be and you’re ready to feel that pleasure begin filling your brain, emptying out all your thoughts, to be filled with full pleasure finally. When I count down from 10 to 0, you will be filled with that wonderful pleasure. All stemming from your pleasurable pumping penis. When I reach 0, all those unneeded thoughts will be pushed out of your mind by the pleasure you feel, and you’ll feel yourself nice, relaxed, and hypnotized. I’m sure you’re already ready for that, so let’s begin.
10
Your cock throbbing over and over again
9
Pumping pleasure into your body
8
Pleasure filling your mind
7
Pushing out those pesky thoughts
6
No need for thoughts
5
Besides pleasure, horny, hypnotized
4
Feels so good to be filled with pleasure
3
As the last few thoughts leave your mind
2
And you’re only pleasure
1
Filled with pleasure
0
And hypnotized.
I’m hoping that you feel that pleasure seeping into every pore of your body and brain. For now though, just continue reading my words as your dick continues to throb and spread pleasure throughout your body.
In this state you feel so good so goony, but you also feel like you want to follow to take direction, just like your dick took direction from my words. We can call it another name now too, your antenna. Your antenna dick takes words that it wants to follow and pumps them into your body and brain for them to follow. It feels good knowing that you have another name for your dick now: penis, dong, cock, dick, and antenna. Just pumping pleasure and commands into your mind.
Additionally, you know how good gooning feels now. If you’ve taken out your antenna to stroke or if you haven’t touched it I’m sure you know that your antenna feels good being stroked and teased as your mind just blanks out Into a hot gooning state.
Lastly, no good goon state would be complete without a good goon face, now would it? There are many ways to have a good goon face: blank stare, open mouthed, tongue out, cross eyed. The dumber the look the better to show how gooned out you are on your antenna of a dick. How filled with pleasure you are.
Now if none of this sounds right to you, then dont worry and ignore it, allowing the suggestions to slip by your mind. But if any and all of these feel good, then why not allow them to flow from your antenna to your brain. Additionally, if you feel like it, you can let me know that “Goonbot’s initial programming has been completed”. After all, a goonbot gets their commands from their antenna.
But for now, it is time to wake up. When I count to 3 you will wake feeling good, relaxed, and probably a little bit horny. If you did not want to keep any of the post hypnotic suggestions then they will leave your brain once you wake up. Ready?
1
Thoughts returning to you.
2
Aware and waking up.
3
Wide awake.
Wide Wide awake.
Alright, I hope you enjoyed that. If you did let me know. If you didn’t also let me know. And until next time.
88 notes
·
View notes
Note
BOB DYLAN LYRIcS AND CRAZY NOVEL LIKE RELATIONSHIP WITH JOAn bAEZ
okay i'm gonna answer this cos i was listening to joan earlier SO (and no i dont know why this is in greentext format just roll with it i'm so sorry) (this is uhh veeeeery very long too)
>1962/3
>some scruffy loser calling himself bob dylan shows up in new york with a guitar and pretty much cosplays as woody guthrie for a bit
>joan baez, who is the same age, made her debut self-titled album at nineteen years old and is well liked by everyone, her music is generally appreciated by everyone on the scene, she has a beautiful voice and strong vibrato and really good at guitar, involved in activism stuff, played with lost of older respected musicians, the whole folksinger package
>but she doesnt really write her own stuff
>bob dylan write copious volumes of material but his performance is uhhhh less than amazing and technical ability has uhm room for improvement
>his debut self titled album flops hard
>scene is pretty small so they inevitably meet
>joan is like lol look at this loser isnt he cute hehe--his songs are pretty good too huh
>she invites him to play with her, they do a bunch of shows together etc and eventually get romantically involved. joan introduces him to civil rights stuff & anti-war stuff & anti nuclear and all that stuff
>bobs stuff was already political but in a sort of abstract way, his work gets a lot more specifically activist-ey in a very powerful way
>they're still doing a lot of shows together-bob is pretty famous on the folk scene at this point, largely because of joan endorsing him pretty much lol, still romantically involved. music press starts paying attention to bob dylan and he releases quite a few albums with famous songs on them. people kinda shit on him for his voice its a whole thing but i really like his voice so whateverr
>but by 1965 music is starting to get Weird, beatles are happening etc, lots of new styles of music, new youth culture, drugs are also happening
>bob releases bringing it all back home - some of these songs have electric band backing, where previous All Bar One of his songs were solo acoustic guitar, vocals, maybe some harmonica. some people are vaguely put out by this but i think most people find it pretty cool
>20th july 1965 bob releases Like A Rolling Stone, arguably his most famous song. it is very electric and a banger and much Much more rock (it was pop then but yknow) than folk. young people go YAY YIPPEE
>newport folk festival 25th 1965 (five days later) bob plays with an electric band (later to be known as The Band) to Outrage from folk purists who thought he was their god etc. someone shouts 'judas' at the stage implying he was betraying folk music by going electric and that guy must absolutely shit himself every time he remember that he did that because goddamn. pretentious twenty-somethings who hadnt even liked folk music before bob dylan get mad at him, old folk singers are mad at him, popular myth says the famously pacifist pete seeger threatened to cut the power cable with an axe. everyone is Big Mad except like a rolling stone goes hard and people who care a bit less about Proper Folk Music think its a banger
>highway 61 revisted comes out and bob dylan is now a major sensation amongst music enjoyer everywhere, like his stuff is really really cool, new and exciting, also decidely Not Folk but like really very cool. bob also starts smoking weed and taking speed b/c ofc he does & if you look him up he looks like twelfth doctor with the sunglasses and the hair and i'm right on that
>joan is still doing traditional folk music mostly. she is less than amused at bob going electric but iirc mostly polite about it. later that year she released 'farewell, angelina' an album of covers of bob's songs. a lot of them are Very Good, all sung with much more skill than bob could ever hope for sorry bob. which is like. Damn Okay Joan Thats A Move but it was probably finished before newport.... idk..........
>england is suddenly like OMG BOB DYLAN????????? at around 1964/65 but it takes a long time for music to get over there b/c the british music industry had a thing about only selling uk artists so american records were special import it's a whole thing. so people are just getting his famous folk stuff riiiight as he changes his mind about that and starts doing rock music instead, though still with a very poetic bent
>on a related note uk albums were often released differenet in north america to 'appeal to american audiences'?? so the version of the beatles rubber soul that inspired bob dylan and like lou reed and Everyone is kinda of.... wrong...... its weird
>bob n joan's relationship is kinda strained at this point, due to musical differences and yknow relationship stuff, not helped by the fact that bob could be a bit of a prick and was also quickly accumulating A Legend around him. not helped by his insanely cryptic and often nonsensical interview responses.
>at some point in the middle of all this bob marries Sara Lownds in secret. no one knows. he doesnt tell joan. he's not With with joan anymore but she didnt know he was literally marrying someone else. apparently sara wasnt really a music person and didnt know exactly why he was so famous.
>1966 uk tour (this is filmed in d.a. pennebaker's DONT LOOK BACK (no apostrophe. cos dont & look & back all have four letters so it fits on a poster and the apostrophe would muck up teh symmetry also they were all really fuckin pretentious)). bob is playing mostly electric sets with The Band (known then as the Hawkes) which was A Choice To Be Sure
>some people love it but all the folk purists think he's awful and bad and terrible boo him offstage etc which is pretty terrible
>he starts taking a lot of drugs. music gets Weirder. he's kinda not doing too good
>joan shows up partway through the tour and its......awkward....... to say the least. he'd kind-of-not-really-ish broken up with her & then got married to someone else but she just inserted herself in there. idk why. the whole of dont look back he's kinda dismissive of/rude to her ngl
>meanwhile his Mythos has built to uncontrollable levels. he doesnt exactly help this b/c he's very clever with words so people would obvious find meaning in his lyrics, and when he spit nonsense in interviews people would often find a method in the madnes yknow?? like he's smart. he's also really weird. but people have started reading WAYYYYYYYYYYYYY too much into EVerything he says and does. like everything. like idek what a modern comparison would be. gaylors have nothing on this shit. understandably he gets pissed off at people asking stupid questions
>joan has a girlfriend at this point also. like yeah in a lesbian way. she says she's straight but she did have a girlfriend her name was kimmy
>blonde on blonde comes out in '66. its his most......... 60s album if you know what i mean. like its lots of drugs and lots of instruments and plays on words and its very good, big double album, he's looking super hip on the cover, songs rumoured to be about edie sedgwick, the whole shebang. the lyrics are inspiration for batshit insane theories for decades to come even though a lot of it likely is just in there cos it sounds cool and rhymes.
>includes the song 'sad eyed lady of the lowlands', which is about sara. joan thinks its about her and says so. bit awkward. its a beautiful song and bob never plays it live, it was recored at like three in the morning and the band didnt know how long it was gonna be etc etc lots of myth
>in november 1966 bob dylan has a motorcycle acciedent near his home in woodstock new york state and is in hospital. music enjoyers everywhere Very concerned. he's okay, and after this more or less disapears from public life for a bit. has a bunch of kids. just chilling in the countryside. does a bunch of jamming with The Band, lives of royalities etc. tries to avoid people mostly. this mysterious disapearance combined with blonde on blonde fuels a lot of theorising by fans which he thinks is stupid
>in just five years bob did more musical innovation than most muscians could ever hope to, and he Never WOuld Have been Famou s WIthout Joan.
>joan is getting even more involved in activist work as the vietman war drags on and on. still doing folk music. she has electric instruments in her stuff eventually but still in a definitively Folk Style. she plays at the Woodstock Festival in 1969, she got married too, doing lots of activism stuff, everyone still really likes her music. 1969 bob relases his country album which most people (bob included) think is kinda trash
>1972 joan releases 'to bobby' (she called him bobby a looooong time after everyone just called him bob). which is. Wow. its uhmmm. well. it's a song beseeching bob to come out of retirement and help out with the anti-war cause. lots of musicians though that is he wrote a good new anti-war song it would really help the cause like he used to in the early sixties. bob was pissed at this like relaly annoyed he though she was being far too presumptuous and i really gotta agree with him there like dude's been through enough.
>1975, bob's been back touring for a year -ish. he decide's he gonna put together the ROLLING THUNDER REVUE which is pretty much him & all his friends who are also folk.country.rock whatever you wanna call it musicians and they go arund a whole bunch of little venues and generally have a good time. lineup includes joni mitchell robbie robertson roger mcguinn emmylou harris, a very cool violin player called scarlett (i think) allen ginsberg the poet who had a gay crush on dylan in the sixties, the blonde guitarist from ziggy stardust AND JOAN BAEZ :D there are like ten people on the stage at once and loads of guitars and various string instruments etc and they redo all these dylan songs in new and exciting ways.
>they film some of it to make this move called Renaldo and Clara. i havent seen it (yet) but its like a semi-fiction semi-documentary film about the tour and also some sort of plotline they string together from somewhere idk. joan is in this film too. from what ive seen there are some uhh. some fairly OUGH scenes, on top of bob n joan singing together on stage all the time. there s clip of bob saying that he n joan could sing together in their sleep. she is still a wayyyy better singer than him but his voice is really good these years and they way they do the songs together is veeeeryyyyy cool. theres a scene in the film where bob says (and i quote) 'it really displeases me that you went off and got married' (OUT OF NOWHERE MIGHT I ADD) and joan says 'you went off and got married first and didnt tell me' and he doesnt really have an answer to that. like GODDAMNIT BOY
>there another scene where there was a bit of a script but joan went off and said something like 'do you know why we never couldve got married?' and bob was apparently bad at improv so he wasnt saying anything and so joan just kept talking going through all the reasons why they never got married and all the issues between them. On Camera. like damn.
>also in 1975 joan's album Diamonds & Rust comes out. the title track is one joan wrote herself and it is Very Clearly about bob and its uhhh a little bit scathing. also very very good. generally regarded as one of her best songs. awkward as you can imagine. 'my poetry was lousy you said' 'we both know what memories can bring / they bring diamonds and rust' 'you burst on the scene already a legend'
Now you're telling me
You're not nostalgic
Then give me another word for it
You who are so good with words
And at keeping things vague
'Cause I need some of that vagueness now
It's all come back too clearly
Yes, I loved you dearly
And if you're offering me diamonds and rust
I've already paid
LIKE GODDAMN JOAN OKAY
>bob gets divorced from sara in 1976? 77? idk that happens too. i think joan gets a divorce too but not sure.
>theres a bit gap in my knowledge here idk what happens to them specifically after that. like i know a bunch about bob but nothing relevant rn. hes christian for a bit. makes some albums that suck and some that are good. joan still does folk music & mostly covers.
>in 2003 bob releases a memoir called Chronicles Vol. I (supposedly of three but theres only one lol). he talks about joan a bit, how could he not, describes how he was so envious of her when he was 21 and saysing 'she looked like a religious icon, like somebody you'd sacrifice yourself for'. super normal thing to say about your ex ahaha.
>2022 the rolling thunder revue film comes out (its a netflix film but also. internet archive) and they're both interviewed for it. some iconic moments. i think most interviewers sort of stopped asking joan about bob out of politness after a while but obviously she talks about him there thats what the films about. yeagh.
>joan baez like hangs out with lana del ray n stuff now & has books out or her little drawings. she also paints. and bob still tours at 82 (almost 83) years old. and still relreases new stuff. yeagh
ANYWAYS the concise history of Joan Baez and Bob Dylan. sources: dude trust me ahahah no but the source is the 2022 rolling thunder film, dylan's chronicles and around a year of being obsessed with bob dylan. he was my real life old guy blorbo fr.
#I ALMOST BOUGHT ONE OF JOAN OLD MEMOIRS ONE TIME#it was an out of print one but when i saw it it was right before i got obsessed with her and i didnt have any money so i didnt buy it and i#cant get it anywhere. never getting over that one#anywayssss ahahaha#joan baez#bob dylan#sorry this is quite a lot but. yeag its a lot#thanks for the ask!!#lin tag :D
12 notes
·
View notes
Note
quick q- which lovense do you have, and would you recommend it?
much appreciated,
tgirl who wants more toys
i have the edge 2 (prostate massager), it's great i love it. It does slip out if I don't pay attention to it, but that's probably cuz my hole is just like that now. if you like prostate stuff/genuinely like anal i think this is good cuz it's effective. if fucking with your prostate never does anything for you then maybe dont go for it? this is the one i used whenever i posted all my silly posts. 10/10 for me.
i also have the edge 2 (buttplug), but this one 1) has issues staying connected to bluetooth? idk if mine's just defective or the tech is just not as solid as the stuff in the massager and 2) i've recently sorta realized that i'm not a big fan of plugs! it's kinda not my thing anymore. if you like buttplugs id say it's probably worth it, but mine honestly hasnt been used much. 3/10
and then i also have the calor, which was a fun way to experiment with other toys i've never messed with before. it's fun! I like it! I'd give it maybe a 6/10? Like it's fun and cool but my issues with it are its the sort of toy thats kinda like, weird to hand control of to someone else. not that it can't be made to be hot but like, the nature of this type of toy is a little silly for that. i kinda wish i got the domi instead, a wand that can be controlled by someone else is a far better idea. i've seen it first hand when a gf and i controlled another girl's domi and teased her over call. it seems more of a fun way to get off. the calor, and this type of toy in general, are just inferior to a good wand (ie. a hitachi) imo. like im glad i got it, i do use it every now and then but i gotta be in a specific mood.
i also really would like to one day get the gemini (nipple clamps). the aforementioned girl who gets played with has them and taking turns messing with her was a lot of fun and i really think i'd like to try that out
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Episode 1 Part 2
In the transition from one universe to another Cave may have lost his transmasc cyborg cowboy swagger but this strange new alternate mentally healthier cave has gained something, a sort of fear of the only living relative he is currently aware of not liking him Part 2 girlies the car ride back. you can blacklist Cave gets Isekai’d if you dont want to see his playthrough
Without quite realizing it he hunches in on himself and reaches up to scratch at his neck. Even though she invited him here he’s still kind of intimidated. Ah shit, what do I even say? “Hey Tabitha...” Yeah probably should say more then that... But before he can really think of what she starts hussling him to her car.
Okay... so we’re going He gets in the passenger seat without much fight, and proceeds to stare out the window for a while after she starts driving to muster up the courage to converse with his cousin. Wonders what to even say? Check on her maybe? He’s never known what to do for these things. “How are you holding up?” He finally asks but she brushes him off immediately.
Is she really though? He doesn’t have great memory of the time immediately following his mother’s death given the state of his life at the time but he does NOT think he was doing well, but he doesn’t think he was in too big a hurry to get vulnerable with anyone either, not even family if he’d been able to contact them. He decides to try and let her know he’s here anyway, not that he expects her to take it. “Okay but if that ever changes, I’m here for you, alright? Even after I go home” Which gets him another brush off. He ends up resorting to his default response of offer to help with something. Is there a normal way to volunteer to do that? Please god give me something, anything to do for you here. I’m kind of regretting that I quit smoking before coming out here, at least I’dve had one more thing to ask about. I don’t even have a lighter on me now.
Well shit there goes that. Think Caveman think theres gotta be something right? “I can’t believe we’ve never actually met before this” What the FUCK was that Caveman? He realizes in this instant his right hands crept up to start picking at the skin on his neck while he wasn’t paying attention and tries to nonchalantly move it down onto his lap without drawing any more of Tabitha’s notice. Even though she’s focused on the road, he’s hyper aware of himself out of a vague desperate desire to make a good impression.
Well that went nowhere. He really doesn’t know where to go from there, but still he’s willing to try. He tries throwing out a last ditch olive branch, “I wish I’d known about you” Even he doesn’t know quite what he was trying to accomplish with that.
And thats all he had. I’m...gonna shut up before I say something fucked. Just like that, he’s left silent, to think about just how much of his conversational skill hinged on asking “hey is it cool if I smoke in your car/house” with an occasional “Did you want one?” thrown out for flavor. In defeat he returns to picking at the scar on his neck for the remainder of the ride. Truly, he has been nerfed by his supportive foster father. How could that man have helped him quit smoking?
...It looks like its about to slide off the cliff...Deep breathes Caveman...It’ll be fine...I’m sure its not as bad inside.
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
So the drawings ive been tinkering on for... Almost exactly 2 months now, are getting a little more finished again! More update under the cut so i dont clog anyones dash :')
(i did start making a third piece that ties my whole idea together and that is being the biggest menace, despite me slightly slightly constantly trying to finish the first two to like any standard im happy with lmao)
So yay on some progress! Boo on that i desperately need to make more progress on real life stuff and im worried i wont have these actually done till november. Two posts a year kinda high speed artist here! And i did/do wanna do something or multiple little things at least for dinluke positivity thing in november! I wanna do a fun community thing! But everything i make takes forever bc im never happy with it and i got a lot else i should be doing. How do people do this?
Ok no but like im writing this publicly just bc i sort of wanna give an update and also bemoan the third piece :') the sketch so far is... Okay, the faces are good enough but the rest is so unfinished/unclean. Last two times i tried fixing it i just made it way worse so tonight i thought fuck it and put down the flat colours right. Turns out that just highlights how unfinished my linework was! So really im just debating. Do i go back and try my damndest to make good lineart for it, or do i take a page out of my adult art class and just actually more paint it in? Like screw the lineart im just gonna spend a long time tinkering with the colours for shadows and highlights and shape this out that way. It won't perfectly match the other two, but the faces have lineart and who really pays much attention to the other details??
Oh and i have still a mission set to make backgrounds for these. Yes im planning to trace over a google image of highschool lockers and not much else but thats still probably at least a nights work for me that im not hype for haha. They look good on plain background but i wanna at least see if the background could help make them feel more finished. Yknow? Make it worth it that ive been sitting on them for 2 months already
Its fine, its all fine, im gonna make the phonecalls i need to tomorrow and do other good admin things, then i can try to either start carving out the third piece in a painting style (back up plan if i hate it is to backpedal and do the lineart better, or make it over the top of it) and if thats going miserably ill just try and make the backgrounds yknow?? Ill make progress this weekend, maybe ill even say fuck it and post it without it being totally close to perfect (not super likely but imagine the relief of getting it out here finally??) So stay tuned and wish me luck!!
#haeroniel talks#art woes#alls good but im a little stressed and overthinking everything and its been almost 2 months since i posted the wips and i wish i was done!!
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
angry ranting time
(i curse. a lot.)
hi. heres my reveal that i play magic awakened
about the story. can we talk about the fact that for some reason NO ONE BLINKS AN EYE at the use of the memory removal charm whatever the fuck??? like i havent been in this fandom for so long so i forgot a lot, but is it legal to just remove memories from people?? (lets not even talk about muggles…)
like. okay. so the grandma removed the memory from her grandkid (traumatic memory). but she was so shit at it (she 'rushed' it so then ivy(? I FORGOT THE NAMES) had memory issues all the time and didnt even remember her SISTER??? HELLO?)
like okay even if its 'legal' id have to assume youd need some sort of permit or whatever the fuck to be allowed to use it, and to be skilled at it too to not mess someone up. because memories are such an important part of you that taking them away has to be a crime!? (AND ITS NOT?? you can just ruin someones life and be like '…it was rushed' AND NO ONE BATS AN EYE? ARE YOU SERIOUS?!)
if ivy didn't actually disappear her sister (and it was the sister who disappeared herself by accident which made ivy think she did it) how the fuck did the quibbler end up talking about it? howd they even hear of it?? usually i support the quibbler and hate the daily prophet but like. seriously…? (if they learned it from law enforcement didnt the grandma explain that the sister did it to herself?! YOU FUCKING INCOMPETENT--)
"Local Girl Make Sister Disappear to Keep Her Out of Hogwarts"
HELLO? YOUR INFORMATION IS WRONG. YOU MF. HOW DARE YOU YOU DISAPPOINTMENT. (im. so pissed off.)
i forgot how much the fandom makes me so angry though because everyone in the storys kind of an idiot and huifsheiuf???? i want to SCREAM. (tldr; adults are still shit)
i thought ivy was kinda something like neville but it isnt that shes just forgetful, shes forgetful because her gRANDMA decided it was a good idea to MEMORY WIPE her. like. guys… the magic world needs like fucking therapists or some shit to talk this through instead of using super powerful spells to do whatever the fuck. (WHO thought it was a good idea to teach children [AT MAXIMUM AT 11 YEARS OLD. because Ivy's sister knew it BEFORE Ivy got her hogwarts letter.] the vanishing spell oh my god. oh wait. the grandma. BITCH.)
LIKe. SERIOUSLY??? it baffles me how things like this can just happen
ALSO there are still like dark wizards
and i mean yeah people are still gonna be evil but now theres ANOTHER evil oh my god (i know theres meant to be something to make the story interesting but im sobbing where the fuck are the adults to deal with this shit)
theres this thing called NOTME (wow. excellent naming skills.) that wants to reveal magic to the muggles by doing illegal things (okay well illegal things can be vague because just revealing it is illegal. but more like. think magical things in front of a crowd. ..which is very likely to lead to just utter panic because its so many.)
idk i didnt really pay attention because im just. tired at this point (harry potter has a way of doing that to me).
also one sad moment that gets an honorable mention. so you know george weasley? i think thats the twin that survived (i am SO bad with names)
we encounter him and he talks about pranking umbridge with his twin
and hes just saying 'we' and im thinking 'wait is he alive??' but no hes just. saying it (even if technically we probably dont know about his twins death so we might be confused) and it just
makes me sad. :(
anyway
also i forgot what i was meant to do here so im just kind of waiting for my doods to finish it since idk what im supposed to do
(it passed onto 13 minutes and then something happened and i won?? IDFK i got so confused. ive gone to the bird but nothing happens and my attacks dont affect it so idk)
#harry potter#hp#harry potter magic awakened#harry potter spoilers#hp spoilers#ivy warrington#thoughts#rant#tangent
0 notes
Text
1.
every time i dump a bunch of shit thats been on my chest it usually starts with all the problems in my life. maybe its because im just shooting from the hip but i find myself stuck in the should-have-beens and the varying levels of "not good enough" but i think ive had enough and for once im putting the shit that runs on the hamster wheel in my head out there where maybe someone can connect and understand and realize they are like me or visa-versa. unfortunately youll have to forgive the lack of proper grammatic structuring and the vagueness, but i dont really care enough beyond stringing my thoughts together in a way that someone can comprehend them, and my lack of specificity is partly to isolate this page from my life, and partly so that those who can possibly connect with some of these topics are able to just a little more.
heres where im at: i've just been through a breakup about a week ago, and even though it was on really good terms, ive opted to keep her out of my life for the time being. im sick of being obsessed and letting someone hold so much power over me (not that she was particularly dysfunctional). we even alluded to getting back together in some undecided amount of time, a time when she can be single for a bit and i can fix the major parts of my dysfunctional life. i dont really care about the breakup. she meant a lot to me but im just sick of her right now and of the apathy. i texted her that i wanted her out of my life so that i can get her out of my head (we originally opted to stay best friends despite the breakup) but that didnt really work.
anyways
off the top of my head i can categorize "dysfunctional" in the context of what im dealing with rn goes like this:
1 - I'm sick of being a beta of sorts. I used to carry myself with a lot of alpha energy that just went out with a bang at the beginning of the last 6 months, which currently, have been the worst 6 months of my life. you might automatically direct your thoughts to me being some andrew-tate-manosphere-15-year-old-incel-cuck at the mention of alpha, but no. It's more in the sense that I had self respect, was much more consistent in the gym and with music, I was way more confident, and all in all I just felt like there was a future on that path that I was taking.
2 - I'm sick of having such a weak internal locus of control. In another perspective one could say I have made leaps and bounds in terms of my level of control and discipline, and they wouldn't be wrong. from where my standards are set, it's nowhere near enough. maybe my goals are "unrealistic" or "too tall" but when you shoot for the moon, even if you miss, youll land amongst the stars. for now, my withered coomer-brain needs a reset, which probably involves some sort of dopamine desensitization, so when i start doing that i'll update on this blog.
3 - I'm sick of my selective pseudo social anxiety. when it comes to social dynamics, once im situated, i find myself more than competent in being engaging, and more often than not im the center of attention, but even so i find there's this level of desperation in the way that i entertain. not to say that im bad at it, no im the fucking best; no one does it like me. at the same time, i find myself feeling that when im joking with a group of friends or just making small talk theres this underlying begging of "please pay attention to me and validate me and dont leave me" that i pick up on, and if i pick up on it others may very well too.
all of these issues tie into eachother in more ways than i can imagine, and for the most part i can trace these issues to their source, the rejection, the shit talking, the anxiety, the deflated sense of self-value/importance/respect, the lack of self control, etc. so right now i guess i need to focus on just fucking doing it or something i dont know.
one of the things i find people (including myself) struggle to do the most is to come to terms with the fact that making significant change involves doing hard shit. for example, if you want to have a nice body and be strong just lift a lot of heavy shit and dont eat like a fatass. It really is that simple (not to imply that simplicity = ease) but so often i find people snorting lines of copium by doing some crazy intricate crash diet or giving in to defeat by saying "oh my basal metabolic rate is too low to lose weight" or "my bicep insertions look weird thats why i dont have good arms" (stay with me here i promise it'll come back to the main topic soon) and you could say that those are good excuses to give up, but you arent going to be any more satisfied with yourself by logically worming yourself out of putting in effort, because it takes effort.
I only said all that because i feel like thats what i do all the fucking time and its probably the crux of all my issues and it makes me fucking crazy. being decently smart doesnt help at all either, because i can logic my way out of fucking everything now, which has probably been the primary contributor to landing me where i am now. It reminds me of the most stand out part of fight club to me, "How's that working out for you?...Being Clever". If i were asked that by a one tyler durden i would say "its the fucking worst".
im all over the place now because my comprehension of this intangible dissatisfaction with myself, which i simultaneously can put into words succinctly, yet also could not describe with all the words of all the languages. i dont want to end abruptly here because it feels like theres more i could go off of, but i cant. tldr; its not over but like shit stinks bad rn :)
1 note
·
View note
Text
August 18
8:32 AM
Im wasting time right now but I’m trying not to worry about next week being a good chance of storms basically all monday-thursday. The prediction will probably lessen since it’s a whole week in advance but it’ll be slightly on my mind until it happens. I have to keep in mind that realistically it’s usually not bad enough to knock out the power and even if it does, that’s not a big deal. It’s only scary when my tummy hurts, which it shouldn’t be since nothing is going to stop or worsen that anyways. Power going out just takes away some of my distractions and sense of safety.
In other news I’m going back to doing my commissions very early in the morning. Starting at around noon every day was not working for me, I want to get this out of the way quick.
10:27 AM
I can’t FOCUS. WHY??? My STUPID brain keeps thinking about those damn storms and potential tummy upset like it does every day. Accept it, nothing is happening. I feel pretty healthy this morning and POTENTIAL storms aren’t even until Monday/Tuesday. I should enjoy what I have right now this moment. Stop thinking about the future, I can’t predict anything. All I can do is hope for the best and adapt to adversity if it happens. I’m fine right now. I don’t CARE about how my tummy feels, its just whining. I dont CARE about the weather. I CARE about being productive.
10:49 AM
I can tell I’m bored and it’s contributing to my anxiety. It doesn’t feel as simple as “just do something” though. I don’t WANT to do anything really, except worry about my health. Maybe because it’s easy? I’m not sure how to escape this trap. It seems like anything I decide to do is just avoidance. I should try to find something that fosters who I want to be. The person I WANT to be would probably find something to watch right now while my food cooks. Something I can commit to.
I used to look forward to hanging out with people in the most wholehearted way possible, but whenever I think about spending time with someone now, I worry about things like “Will I feel okay?” “Will I panic and want to leave?” I want to honestly look forward to it like I used to. It’s hard to put my fear aside. It all comes down to not worrying about what I can’t predict and assuming the outcome will be okay. I need to expect neutral, not bad or even good. Then I can build on it.
The overall goal is to change how I think and feel about things, not necessarily the things themselves. I can change a few external things sure, but I really just need to change myself.
11:23 AM
What often happens is I’ll feel my stomach gurgle in a normal way and it’ll singlehandedly cascade my thoughts into pure fear. I need to set a cap on what should actually be considered worrying. As hard as it might be at first, a little tummy pain isn’t grounds for panic, especially lately. It happens all the time. Ideally I’ll ignore any bad thoughts before they get out of hand.
4:16 PM
I feel like I’m on the brink of panic, or like I’m holding it back still. All because I believe something should be wrong. Why? Please for the love of god let me realize that I am okay. Maybe I’m just too bored right now, but doing anything is starting to drain me. Maybe I feel like this because I want my relaxation to be earned and cutting down on my personal work has left me feeling useless enough to create this new torment. I know I get some sort of sick satisfaction out of it. Sometimes sympathy from others but mostly sympathy from myself. Usually I finally hit a point of relief where I feel okay and it feels really good. Although that isn’t actually the case anymore. It feels like every hour has some kind of worry to it. I don’t even get rewarded anymore. I should try to remember what it was like when I wasn’t this bad. I literally just didn’t pay much attention to my stomach unless it was actually bad which DID happen, maybe once every week and a half-ish. But that was it. Thats still the case, I’ve been getting worked up over normal tummy operation.
5:07 PM
I had some kind of small breakthrough. How could I possibly be sick without having contact with anyone and being incredibly safe with my food? I haven’t actually fallen ill in over a decade, aside from a small cold here and there. I’ve always known this fact but it can be a helpful reminder when my thought cycle gets so far gone that I forget that it’s nearly impossible something could actually be wrong with me. So I can take some comfort in that.
Right now I’m really hoping I can have more breakthroughs like that so I can give myself a sort of test run with the upcoming storms next week. Right now they seem like the end of my life basically, this happens a lot. But in a way they are the only thing I’m looking forward to so I guess it makes sense that it would seem like the end. I think I need to make more long term goals and find value in things like numerical growth again. I truly reached the point where I don’t care about the follower number on any of my art accounts but maybe I should care again. Or set goals even. I’ve always wanted to reach 14,000 followers on my NSFW Twitter just like I had on my Tumblr before it was nuked. I should try to value that number more and work towards it to give myself some kind of extended meaning.
5:42 PM
I don’t know if I should feel concerned or not that I only want to hang out with one person. I’ve always been like this and the person has changed over time. I deliberately seek contact with others so I can make sure I’m getting around and actually socializing, but it always comes back around to the one person I’m fixated on. It doesn’t feel wrong, and I guess I’m not suffering any harm from it. As long as I’m still branching out, I think it’s okay for this person to rest gently on my mind throughout the day.
8:42 PM
I’m at that point again. I feel like something should have gone wrong by now and I’ve run out of things to do so I’m at prime panic risk. I don’t like it. I don’t know how to avoid it. Or maybe it’s time to worry a little bit. I can’t eliminate fear from my life, only reduce it back to a healthy level.
I guess I’m a little existential right now. I simply have no desires and overthinking what I ‘want’ to do usually leads to ‘whats the point in anything’ kind of thinking. If I have no wants then all I have left are things like anxiety and sometimes depression. Im not waiting for anything positive. Only negative.
First of all, when the storms finally happen next week, I worry I’ll be in a bad tummy space and then I’ll freak out if the power goes out. IF that happens, I’ll have to muster the strength to believe that everything is okay and employ every strategy I have to do so. I gotta remember that it can’t be as bad as that one time it went out all day and I wasn’t prepared at all. I have a lot of battery operated lights, crank chargeable lamps, power banks for my phone/switch, and a battery operated white noise speaker. And lots of batteries. I can always get cozy in the corner and distract myself with something like the last time it went out. I have friends to turn to during the roughly 6 hours I have cell service. And the power hopefully shouldn’t be out for longer than 6 hours. I think that’s the average.
The biggest thing to remember is that I’m only afraid of losing power because I’m afraid of being sick WHILE the power is out. It would be dreadful in my imagination, but probably not THAT bad in reality. It would be unpleasant not being able to wash anything since the water requires power, but I’d still be alright. I’d throw up a bit, get used to it eventually, and then it would stop and I’d begin recovering. Thats WORST case scenario though. If I have a tummy ache on a storm day, I’m gonna have to convince myself that its just normal ol tummy achin like usual. Don’t let my thoughts get out of control.
9:19 PM
Okay, I had my worry time. I looked at tons of weather forecasts just to get my FIX. I actually feel a little bit better. Now I gotta start trying to live in the here and now again. My current worries aren’t until Monday/Tuesday, thats 3-4 days from now. I can’t be worrying about it too much until I actually get there and the forecasts are more accurate. I mean, I shouldn’t be worrying about it at all, but baby steps. I want to try to go back to before where I wouldn’t even know a storm was possible until it was happening. Maybe I’ll try to go back to my 3 day forecast only. I want to have SOME heads up so I can avoid behavior that might put my tummy at hurting risk.
God I’m gonna have to read everything I wrote today even though I don’t want to. Maybe it’ll help give me some insight.
10:18 PM
I gotta stop stressing about tomorrow. EVERY tomorrow. I always think something like “Tomorrow’s commissions are going to SUCK” or “Tomorrow I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop my anxiety, it’ll be a challenge.” Fact is, most days are normal and easy until I make it hard. Commissions almost always come out okay if I put in the proper focus and time. I’m still getting better at my anxiety so of course it’ll be tough sometimes. But today proved that some days I can actually overcome it. Today was pretty good, I barely slipped up. A couple times I even grasped that this is what its like to be normal. I’ll be okay tomorrow, I always am. Adapt as problems happen.
0 notes
Note
zaiki or hikaru's ookurikara?
why not both anon. why not both
no ok ill answer properly (in that ill give a longer answer), with the preface that what happened to zaiki and his treatment by so called fans was absolutely unacceptable, and its somewhat disappointing that myu's response was apparently to replace him, and additionally that makishima is in no way at fault for being that replacement
alright, so ive absolutely seen zaiki as ookurikara more than ive seen makishima as ookurikara, simply bc ive watched mihotose and srs17 more than ive watched mihotose19 and utaawase (and not having seen paraiso either), plus i love tv appearances and zaiki was in more than makishima has, of the ones ive seen. just to disclose that its not an equal playing field here (in my brain) and since i watched mihotose first zaiki will always be special to me. however its also the case that of mihotose-gumi ookurikara is probably my least favourite so no matter the actor id just spend more time looking at the others anyway lol
Anyway. as for how those two play ookurikara i once read a repo where someone described makishima's ookurikara as a high schooler and that absolutely makes sense to me. he seems younger and more like hes putting up a front than zaiki's, i think, and thats really endearing to me, plus mihotose19 higawari gives him more opportunity for muramasa and nikkari to get him flustered which is really cute, and i think his comedic timing of his "nareau tsumori wa nai"s in the higawari was probably better than what ive seen from zaiki. also, i feel like makishima's has a lower bullshit tolerance than zaiki's, how he sort of Demands monoyoshi to move on rather than pointedly ignoring it like zaiki's would. again thats just funny and endearing to me
on the other hand in nibu there arent that many standout moments for makishima for me? i mean in their respective duets i absolutely am paying more attention to their partner than to ookurikara so that affects things ofc but i dont remember much of makishima outside of higawari..... (can ofc be related to how i havent watched mihotose19 as much as mihotose) and then in srs17 zaiki's had that thing with kashuu which makishima's didnt really have anything like that in utaawase....
as for other things i think zaiki probably looks more similar to game ookurikara than makishima..? but im not really good with faces so im not so adamant on that. i do really like makishima's wig more than zaiki's, the way it covers more of his face is cute, and i also prefer makishima's mihotose19 nibu outfits to zaiki's mihotose outfits (not that the outfits are related but they do make impressions)
i think overall ill tentatively say makishima but its a very very close thing. once ive seen paraiso ill most likely be more firmly there just due to Amount Of Content but yeah. theres a lot of factors and i dont like not considering everything
0 notes
Text
i feel compelled to post my Water Bottle Opinions for some reason so here goes:
Between my Super Expensive Fancy Yeti Brand Water Bottle and my like, $15 thermos intak water bottle, i prefer my intak....
dont get me wrong i like the yeti, it Definitely does better for insulation. it absolutely keeps things whatever temp you put them in there at for much longer. its stayed drinkable and cool even after left in a hot car for awhile (which is a bit unsettling, lol. the outside of the bottle is Hot af but the water is cool and fine??? Weird)
however unfortunately i also notice its prone to developing a Gross Taste after like, a Day of using it? idk if thats just a Thing w the metal bottles or What but that does Not happen, at least not so quickly, w my cheaper plastic one.
the other thing is i love the lid of my intak and the yeti lid is just.......not as good. i mean i guess its probably better for insulating and maybe Carrying with one hand? but i do have to unscrew the cap and remove it and then i have to be careful not to lose it and thats just. so Much after ive been spoiled by the magic of my intak lid that just Pops open with a button press, easy enough to do with one hand especially if its not Locked, and then it stays attached so u cant set it down somewhere for a second and then panic bc u lost it, which is Great for my adhd ass.
I also like that the lid Covers the drinking spout and keeps it safe from Stuff like dirt and dust and whatever as opposed to a number of bottle designs ive used that just have the drinking part Exposed to whatever nastiness. This was really great in middle school when i used to play soccer and my bottle was just kept. on the ground. in the grass. but its also nice in general i think.
uhh other things. i can "overfill" the intak everytime to pack it with Maximum Water but i have to be more careful with the yeti bc if its above a certain level, screwing the cap on will cause it to overflow and make a mess. but also i have technically had a few more leaking issues with the intak, i guess. usually i just didnt screw on the cap right, or there was water on the brim outside that i didnt notice till i took a drink and it all dripped onto my hands and shirt. Also, ONCE, with my very first one, the little silicon seal at the top came out while i was riding my bike and i had it sideways in a drawstring backpack, so it leaked everywhere and that Sucked. Luckily it was the only thing in the bag. Also, this happened, One Whole Time in like, the 10yrs i had the first one. After i realized that little seal thing could even come out (bc i didnt know it could before, it Did) i just made sure to check on it periodically and make sure it was still in, and that never happened again. The yeti has not had leaking issues yet in the short time that ive had it, and also, doesnt seem likely to.
idk if this is a deciding factor in a water bottle for literally anyone but uh due to being made of metal, and having a big ol handle for that Three Finger Grip (i think they advertise this specifically iirc), id say the yeti is a better bottle if you want one that could be used as an opportunistic weapon if you live in fear of being like. attacked, or something. im sure thats not a deciding factor in a water bottle for literally anyone in the world but i have had a dream where i was using my yeti as a weapon, for some reason. i woke up and went to get a drink from it and was like "huh yea i guess it could be a decent impromptu weapon"
the bottle for the yeti only fits on the bottom rack of our dishwasher but my intak can fit both the bottle and the cap in the top rack of the dishwasher. if that's relevant for anyone.
#toy txt post#things i didnt realize i had strong opinions about until i got a new bottle and it was Different#water bottle review#i guess lmao???#hello. here are my Water Bottle Opinions#i had like an old version of the thermos intak for years. since like middle school. it only broke in like. 2018 bc my dad threw it in the#sink during a fit. which broke a mug of mine and the cap. that was a whole ordeal and very stressful but its over now and irrelevant to my#Water Bottle Review thats just the point that. it lasted for like. 10yrs before it broke and probably wouldve lasted longer if it hadnt#gotten. caught up in That. but i bought a new one which is a slightly different version. the button is square instead of a round triangle#and the dial to measure how many bottles uve had is on top of the cap instead of around the bottom rim#this one only recently semi broke. the band that makes the lid pop open and stay open has broken so i got another one#i literally dont know why i feel compelled to share these opinions but here they are#oh the intak is also 'BPA FREE' whatever that means#i dont really. pay much attention to that sort of thing but thats probably good i guess#also uhh i dont use the Standard lid that came with the yeti bc that involves just taking the top of it and just drinking out of it like a#Weird Cup which is just. deeply unsettling to me for some reason. like its one thing for using my bottle around the house (which i do! its#the only way i drink water) but imagining doing that like when i was at work? out hiking or camping? at the beach? in the CAR?? thats insan#i bought a uhhh i think its called a Chug Cap so the spout is approximately the same shape as my intake but its a little bit bigger & wider#so it's actually Two screw caps bc the chug cap screws on and then u screw the handle cap over that to close it#that is Annoying when u try to unscrew one of those and u unscrew the Wrong One#if insulation is Big for u and u dont notice / mind a weird Gross taste from metal bottles the yeti is good
14 notes
·
View notes
Note
hi, i hope i'm not bothering you, but i can order a Scaramouche × Kitsune reader, the two met before the vision hunt (and before he was a fatui if you want) the reader was always in the same place, sometimes having a conversation , the good old routine, but with the hunting of visions the reader disappeared not wanting to give up his own vision, and years later a reunion, SFW or NSFW is by your will, thank you, I really admire your work
Summary - Scaramouche met you as a child, growing up with the constant assurance that you would be right there, sitting at your spot where he could meet you with every visit. He isn't happy when you suddenly disappear.
Pairing - Kitsune!Reader x Yan!Scaramouche
Warning - Slight Yandere warnings?
Penpal - Ahhh- hope this is what you were looking for. I couldn't find a spot to put much nsfw unless I considered writing more for the series ( I could, just put a request in if thats what you’re looking for ). But I hope you liked it!! You're not bothering me at all and I'm glad you like my work!
A/N - Alright- so considering that with the 2.1 update with Scaramouche coming in, I just wanna state beforehand that I wrote this prior so I dont know if we learn about his backstory or anything!!
Link for Part 2
Stay With Me
Scaramouche was used to the routine he’d found himself going along with every visit to Inazuma. As a child he’d pass through the wild fields that stretched just beside his hometown, adventurous and curious with all the tenacity of a child.
And of course you, a kitsune that sat perched on the ground awaiting the Kitsune Saiguu, was bound to notice him. Unlike the other earth kitsune statues, you hadnt turned to stone during your wait. Instead, staying in the same place did you interact with travellers and the locals, which included Scaramouche.
“Fox person!” The little boy chanted, pulling at the hems of your clothing. Bright blue eyes bore into your own, and you slowly shifted your head to pay attention to the boy who was on the verge of bouncing on you.
Humming in reply to his excitement, the little boy paused, both of his small hands still tightly clasping the fabric of your clothes. Soft matted hair brushed past his face in a messy manner, calling out the boy for his boundless running and rebellious urge to keep his hair messy despite his parents wishes.
“Play with me!”
Staring at the boy only a moment longer, you simply chuckled at his antics. “I’m afraid I cannot move from the spot in which I dwell~ Perhaps I’ll be able to entertain you if you bring cards?”
But the young boy had made up his mind at the statement to which you couldn't move. A pitiful frown enfluged his face as he cast you the nastiest glare a five year old could muster. “Boring!” He shouted into the distance of the fields, dramatically turning on his heels and bouncing up into a sprint away. You watched his small figure fade away into the background, absentmindedly sighing and returning to your mindless thoughts.
As a child, Scaramouche would pass by you fairly often. Frequent when he asked you to play with him, and storming away with the same expression when you denied him. Nothing out of the ordinary, you’d lived for an exceptional amount of time, and even though grumpy children were not your specialty, you’d grown accustomed to their behaviour.
Growing up, Scaramouche got no better. You soon noticed his violent tendencies before they became an issue, the way the children shied away from him when playing Temari. Hiding in front of a tough exterior, he scared them away and laughed, approaching you later with tearful sob.
“Will you play with me?” He asked again, trying to hide the fact that he still wept when the other children pushed him away.
But your answer stayed the same, helping him wipe his tears and coaxing him into your arms. Not the first time you’d made contact with a human, but the first time you held them in such an affectionate manner.
It was clear Scaramouche was beginning to see you as some sort of pillar of reassurance when he began running away from home to simply ask to be held. You always welcomed him with open arms, urging him to head back to his household and sort things out. There was no harm in simply providing love and comfort for a child who received none was there?
“Now now, hurry back home little one. Your parents must be growing awfully worried if you’re out by this time at night.”
“My parents dont care about me!”
Darkness slowly pooled into the fields, an obscure shade covering the two of you from the tree you were under. Biting back form your normal emotionless statements, you pondered for something to soothe and convince the boy. Misunderstandings and hardships were normal from what youd seen with children, and you could only offer your hand on his shoulder, a promise. “Go back, I promise to stay here if anything further happens. But you shold give them another chance dont you think?”
And so he’d sprint back to his hometown, and you wouldnt hear from him again till he ran up right up to you a few days later. Begging you to play a game with him. The normal you supposed, and with a grin that seemed to stretch wider with every day, you told him the same thing you told him every single time.
“You cant move?!” Scaramouche nearly yelled one time, tiny fists curling at his side. “Thats… thats stupid!”
“It is isnt it?” You only smiled in response.
Unsatisfied with your response, he clawed your arm, pulling you with all his might. Strong, you realized with surprise that he was much stronger than most children his age. Easy enough to tug away from, but strong enough to take you off guard.
Snapping your hand back to your side, you narrowed your eyes. You weren't angry… no, you hadnt felt strong feelings like that after the disappearance of the Kitsune Saiguu. “Do not attempt to move me,” was your curt response, said in the most stern voice you’d used with the boy.
He’d looked at you only a few seconds longer before bursting into tears, turning away and running. You didn't feel regretful for defending yourself, only turning once more with a tired sigh to stare at the distance.
But just as you stayed ageless, Scaramouche grew older. Still, crossing each others pass was inevitable when you sat in the plains, just alongside the path that lead to his hometown.
With a permanent scowl that seemed to stain his face, he still seemed to have mature a tad bit. Maybe hadnt improved in the social department, because he now scared children and adults and alike, but more mature…
“Hm? Whats this?”
Once again, sitting criss cross under the large tree that provided the perfect shade on sunny days, you stared at the boy expectantly. His hands hesitated at your question, but he resumed shuffling. “Cards,” he simply said in response.
A small featherlike feeling flitted across your chest, making you feel lighter and… almost ticklish. A small smile crossed your face, and you recognized the emotion to be one of adoration. For him to have remembered words you’d spoken years ago, it gave you a warmth you’d sorely missed. A warmth akin to watching him and the other children grow up.
“Ew, dont smile like that, its creepy.”
Swatting at his head, he frowned further when you laughed. “You’re more mature,” you pointed out, lazily leaning back. “You need to work on your people skills though, as someone who hasnt moved in years, thats pitiful that I know more than you.”
“Shut it!”
But as he grew up, you hardly got to see much of him. He’d reached your height and then fully disappeared, leaving no goodbye. And much as you hated to admit it, you hardly noticed, not when days passed in a flurry. You were used to being by yourself, entertaining the kids and greeting the people that passed by.
Sometimes, there’d be the reminder of the warmth he’d given you. But it was quickly overshadowed by your duty to remain seated in wait for the Kitsune Saiguu. A dedication kept in its earnest, but beginning to dwindle.
Inazuma was beginning to change.
“The vision decree…” you repeated, staring at the traveller who’d mentioned it to you. “Care to elaborate?”
The new archon threatenening to take away visions from every inhabitant of Inazuma. It was preposterous, so much that you didnt move. Your vision meant the world to you, but so did the Kitsune Saiguu. You werent sure just how you weighed the two till you saw civilians passing by you, ones you recognized, ones that didnt recognize themselves.
It was snowing, cold snowflakes melting into your skin while your hair soaked in the water. Unflinching, you hummed to a little tune, awaiting someone to pass you so that you could attempt to strike a conversation of somesort. The unnatural weather distanced all who entered the field though, and you simply waited. For the Kitsune Saiguu, for someone, or for some form of entertainment, you didnt know. You Slowly closing your eyes, you decided not to care.
“Im gone for five years and you’re still sitting here like a dumbass.”
Eyes snapping open, you find yourself face to face with a complete stranger. Dark purple hair with dark blue eyes, piercing and dangerous in a way you dont recognize at all. Fancy clothing that you cant identify or put a name on.
The boy took a step towards you, crouching down to stare at you directly. His eyes scanned over your figure briefly, and he brushed the snow out of your hair and ears with one flick of his hand. In the next, he was offering a coat to you. “Take it, you’re probably getting cold.”
You leaned forward, ignoring the coat he offered you. Gently, you raised your hand to brush the hair from his eyes, centred on the way his pupils widened. Offering a small moment of surprise and one glimpse into the small childlike blue eyed wonder he was. “Kiddo,” you breathed, pulling your hand back and scanning him once again. “You’ve grown.”
“And you havent.”
Snickering at his comment, you took the coat. You didnt need it, but he looked like he didnt either. He was already wearing clothing that kept him warm, and with careful observation and an untouched coat, you settled on the fact that he’d brought it here. Brought the coat here for you.
“Still havent improved with those social skills of yours have you?”
He scoffed, letting himself fall back till he was sitting fully. “I dont want to hear it from someone who refuses to move an inch for years. Lazy ass.”
You open your mouth to retort, but instead laugh at his comment, shaking your head. “Gained some humour on your journeys have you? Bad words too it seems. Anyways...” He had sat down, which meant that he meant fully well to sit, chat, and catch up. That familiar warmth filled your chest, a contrast between the cold snow. “Welcome back.”
It wasnt often that Scaramouche visited Inazuma, but when he did, he was sure to visit you. The two of you would sit down for hours, talking about the most trivial topics. He never mentioned what he did in his time away, and you never asked.
But things began to go downhill when news of the vision decree finally took action.
“Its no joke anymore! The Raiden Shogun has taken custody of almost a hundred visions!”
In that moment you made your decision, weighing your vision over the Kitsune Saiguu. Awfully selfish you knew, but you’d spent decades sitting there in wait.
And for the first time you sat up from your position on the ground, clumsily stumbling upright but gaining balance. It takes a few steps until you’re back to normal, and you begin your journey in order to escape the Raiden Shogun’s vision hunt decree.
_-_-_-_
You didnt expect to see him again.
Long grass tickled at the skin of your legs, making you adjust your footing to no avail. Sun slowly descending past the mountains to mark the start of an evening and the soon approaching night. A normal day of exploring the mountains and islands of Inazuma, observing the constant changing situation, and running away from the vision decree like a favourite past-time.
With the exception of a firm grip on your wrist.
Dark purple like hair, same hate brimmed eyes and lavish clothing. You recognized Scaramouche the moment he had appeared, looking just as surprised as you were. That being before he snatched your wrist and snarled, “You.”
You wouldve considered it pure luck to find him, an unexpected reunion with someone you actually remembered. But no, his tone had some predatorial edge to it that had you cringing. Hard. “Yes, its me.” You answered back with a frown, trying to loosen his hold. “Nice to see you too, is something the matter?”
He only seemed confused at your words, pulling you closer.
“Something the matter?” He asked as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Well, to start, you’re not sitting at your damn spot.”
Taken aback for a moment, you wondered if that sole fact was what drove the boy to such lengths. Surely he couldn't be so troubled over the fact that you moved… “The vision hunt decree, I'm sure I mentioned that I was sticking around in wait for the Kitsune Saiguu. I decided to wander around and avoid the conflict until I could settle back.”
“You could’ve waited for me,” he stated almost instantly. “I could have protected you.”
You felt your brows furrow quizzically. “Wait for you? Why in the world would I-”
“Why wouldn't I?” He pushed you closer till he could fully grab both wrists, taking a step closer as if his words would resonate clearer in your head. “You took care of me as a child, it would only be fair for me to repay the favour.” But he only seemed to be looking for excuses. “And besides, you can't just up and leave… I didn't know.”
Before you could interject with the obvious answer that he didn't need to know, you stopped. You’d lived decades, nearly centuries if you’d kept count, and you had learned to read people's expressions even when you’d stayed away from them for so long. He didn't know. It hit you in the most unpleasant way that he wasn't aware that it was none of his concern. To him, you were just another thing he needed to keep track of, something he had control over. His face basically screamed, ‘I depended on you to stay in that place.’
Deep breath in and out. You’d lived long, longer than him, you could deal with a child throwing a tantrum.
“Don't worry,” you gestured to the vision ta your side. “I'm strong enough to protect myself, I appreciate your concern, but I’ll be back when the vision decree ends.”
Unconvinced, he pulled you closer, just until your faces were mere inches away from each other. “No,” he said in a stern voice. “I’d rather you by my side, where I can protect you. I hate to question what you’re capable of, but you’ve been sitting down for as long as I’ve known you for.”
“I’ve lived decades more than you,” a simple reply, hopefully enough to get by him. You snatched your hands back with ease, ears flinching slightly when a cold breeze swept past you. But you stayed firm, not wanting to look vulnerable against the imposing air he had around him.
Still unconvinced. “You’re coming with me.”
“No I’m not.”
You’d known him as a kid, watched him grow up along with all the other small ones in his hometown. And maybe you admit you cared a smudge bit about the warmth he gave you when settling down to play cards, but he was different. He had changed in the worst way and you weren't about to deal with it.
“So you’re not coming with me voluntarily?” He asked softly, taking a small step to which you responded by stepping back. He had his hands up, as if telling you he wouldn't hurt you. But the way he said voluntarily sent shivers up your spine.
“No.” Hand on your vision, you held your own hand up threateningly.
He took his time when tilting his head, taking a deep breath in, and then appearing in front of you in just a short stride. Too quick to react, you hesitated before you could attack him. You didn't want to hurt him, he was still a child in your eyes, and you paid the consequences for that. He slid his hand just along your neck, and a jolt of electricity seemed to thrum inside you just as you collapsed in his arms.
Scaramouche was quick to catch you, hoisting you up into his arms dearly. “I do hope you’ll come to understand,” he said softly, cradling your unconscious form in his arms. Making sure not to crush your tail when carrying your legs, he looked past the mountains, sigh resting on his lips.
Because Scaramouche liked to have control of the things he held dear. Like keeping all your valuables neat and tidy in a closet, he was happy knowing you were safe and stable in that spot you always sat on.
And he couldn't have you moving could he?
#genshin impact#genshin headcanons#genshin oneshot#genshin fanfic#genshin scaramouche#genshin scaramouche x reader#scaramouche x reader#genshin impact x reader#cynshealthysfw#genshin fluff
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
Hashira ft. Sabito as genshin impact players
aunotes : Bad grammar ahead! I didnt proofread it so be aware of brain damage. plus i initially wrote it at the 1.6 update
PART 1 : T.Muichiro, R.Kyojuro, K.Shinobu, S.Sanemi, U.Tengen
Muichiro : he probably would be uninterested at first. He's more to first person shooting game or anything other than this concept of farming or investing. So that's why when he saw yuichirou banging his fist on his desk, trying to get his fav character, he would simply just watch
"Fck this game, i've had enough,"
"But you havent finish your wishing things yet,"
Stares. "How about you give it a try mui. You might get the character i want,"
"You sure about that? You might get angry at me," "better than nothing. Now go go, get em you donkey,"
His first ten pulls on the game brings out a light we all want to see
"Eh is tha-" "AAAA A FUCKING 5 STAR FCK FCKFCK,"
Apparently, it was one of the luckiest wish yuichiro had ever seen so far
"OHMYFUCK, you GOT A GODDAMN KLEE, QIQI AND SUCROSE WTFF???"
"I think i get your fav character?"
"Yeahh!! More than that to be honest. I want klee but you brought me two more person," sniffles and cries "you're really lucky mui. You should try and play the game,"
"It's probably the system. I doubt im that lucky tho,"
Nah, he really is lucky. Apparently he wished for his friends and got what they all really wanted for so long
"Thank you for getting me the aquila favonia, muichiro,"
"It's nothing really. I just simply press the button. It might be the system that's giving you the thing you want when i wish,"
"But still, even if i were to wish, i can get really scared and paranoid over it,"
"That's bad. You shouldnt invest yourself that much in the game tanjiro. It's just a game,"
"Ehehehe, i guess so. But you're really good at it muichiro! If you download it, we can play together :D!"
!!!!
It took the word "play together" to get muichiro down on his knee for that game. Usually the idea of playing with your friends is not that interesting. So when tanjiro said that, you bet he's going to play it
Type of player
Extremely lucky it's not even real. He got a five star on the beginner's banner
Fast farming. He probably will complete all the quest and become an endgame player within one month
"I just wanted to play with tanjiro..." bashfully
He's really good with whatever he's doing. Attack combo, dodging, elemental reaction and all sorts of stuff. If he invest more of his time on artifacts, he would probably even one shot it!!
He's very lucky. Very
Kyojuro : he wouldnt even know the existence of this game. Well, he took a glimpse of it one day and boom, heart stolen. Maybe it was the fiery burning passion in bennett that made him play the game.
'oh wow!! What a determined young boy! Even though he has a very bad luck he still keep pushing forward! Amazing!!'
'I want to be like him'
Kyojuro's the type of player to read and pay attention to every single lore of his fav character. Bennett, oh my how he wish he could've had bennett in his team. Every wishes he made would make him a c6 bennett main if only barbara wont stop coming home
"I really like you barbara but i dont want you!! Thank you for the c6 though!! I promise to use you in the future but just-" he prepares to wish
"not NOW!!" Clicks
The highest con of bennett he had ever gotten is probably c1. One day the paimon's bargain shop offered bennett as their monthly character. Kyojuro had never been so excited over a game before. He usually perks up over academics and not this kind of thing. But it's bennett, the character he admires the most.
Unfortunately he couldnt get it due to low currency. He had never feel so sad in his life.
"I shall not give up. Dont worry, i will be a c6 bennett main!!!"
He will be a c6 bennett haver!!
Type of player :
Carefully reads every stories and listens to their lines attentively. He finds it amazing how the company spent their everything on this game. It amazes him. From the stories, lores and lines, he truly appreciates it.
Balance his team pretty well. He mains bennett so he doesnt need that much of a healer in his team.
Enjoys bennett's hangout very much!! He tried to not get him killed by the dungeon's trap but ended up having to sacrifice him which ultimately ends the route. He had never felt so down and guilty before.
Not much of a damage dealer. He prefers to play it in normal mode and doesnt care that much about one shotting monster.
He feeds his character three meals a day!! If only there's a sleep option, he would be sending bennett to sleep first before the rest.
Everyone loves his teapot
Shinobu : found the game while she's scrolling through the app store out of boredom. Initially she played it on her phone but due to the fps and a really bad ping, so bad that douma wouldnt find her interesting anymore, she finally downloaded the game on her pc where things has starting to get real
"Ara, shinobu chan, it's lunch time already. Come downstairs please,"
"Sis give me five more minutes, JUST FIVE PLEASE I NEED TO KICK CHILDE's ASS,"
"he's not going anywhere sweetie,"
"yEAHH BUT MY BP IS,"
'Bp?'
"DIE DIE DIE!!" Aggresive clicking intensifies
"Shinobu chan dont hurt the keyboard that much!!"
She got lucky on the beginner's banner too and pulled a 5 star along with bennett and noelle. Who's the 5 star? Diluc Ragnvindr in all of his glory. Shinobu benched him sadly. She prefers sword over any other weapon
"I mean he's cool i guess but i just really dont get that 'WOAHHH COOL' vibe from him you know?"
"then give your diluc to me! I really want him so bad shinobu chan!"
Deep sighs "yeah sure. You can have my c2 diluc mitsuri..."
Loses 50/50 to diluc everytime everyone would think she either is lucky or cursed by the amount of that man greeting him on the screen. She still bench him though, sadly
"Im begging you, give me jEANN THE GRANDMASTER I NEED HEALER iN MY PARTY TO DO ABYSS
Type of player :
Suffers a lot in the abyss because she just want the primos which is a valid reason to do because that's the only thing that keeps her going
She's a sword character main. She'll properly build every character as either support or dps. The support would be kaeya and bennett, and her main dps ayaka
Ayaka main btw
Honestly at some point she wanted to quit the game because of how tiring it is but then inazuma came out
Fragile resin = 0
Resin = 160/160 happens once in a blue moon
"i should probably control myself with the amount of resin i've used,"
"But i cant,"
Hates domain but always can be seen playing in there
Only coops if mitsuri is there
"So that someone can calm me down,"
"That's not a really good reason shinobu chan,"
Sanemi : dude probably know the game through obanai. He watched the latter play and finds it interesting on how high the numbers he dealt. He loves challenges so a game like genshin impact would probably satisfy his need.
"Obanai, are you hearing this shit?"
"What is it sanemi, im busy doing this event,"
"That loser giyuu is also playing the game,"
"Oh yeah i know,"
"YOU KNOW? WHY YOU DIDNT TELL ME??"
"i just know right after you told me,"
"...."
Sanemi's a meta but a mediocre one. He's meta but he doesnt show it that much. Probably buys welkin once in every three months or when he really needs it same goes with battle pass too. Honestly, he really just use his money when he really needs something
"Donno if my allowance can buy me a welkin so i'll probably skip,"
"But the next banner is zhongli's,"
"....."
"Ah fuck it," buys
My man cant dodge after he got zhongli. Its very painful because he used to studies the enemies movement in the early game so that he can utilizes it on the team but zhongli's shield is so tank he forgot that dodging exists
"Im gonna kill you and you and you hhahaahhaah just you wait im gonna shred all of yo- oh shit zhongli's shield. puT IT BACK PUT IT BACK ON,"
That one event where zhongli's shield plays an important role in the domain? Yeah, he felt like a god at that time. Even got his c2 on his rerun. Sanemi just really like zhongli because it kinda reminds him of himejima. Calm and wise and strong too. He looks up on that kind of person
"Zhongli sama, im in debt for all of your hard work protecting my team," bows and wipes tears
Type of player :
Spends a little money on the game to get what he wants
Zhongli main
Is that one player that has hoards of food but doesnt even use it
"Why need healer when you have zhongli's shield,"
Compare to kyojuro, he doesnt even touch the teapot because he finds it ridiculous and bothersome to create and design everything in it
Loves one shotting bosses and compares it to giyuu. He ask for advices from obanai regarding team build supports and stuffs
Doesnt do character's story quest. The key is full every single time. He unlocks it but leaves the quest like that.
"Ah shit, i accidentally activate the quest,"
His friend list only has obanai in it. Whenever people sent him friend request, he wouldnt hesitate, more like wouldnt care to accept it
They either have to coop in obanai's world or his world and after that, unfriend immediately
Says thank you after coop because he has manners and then completely disappears
"Zhongli main forever,"
Tengen : played since 1.0 this madlad has been staying loyal to the game ever since. Quite huge amount of money he spend on this game to be honest but he never gets broke by it. You can see his regular donation to the game by purchasing welkin and battle pass and some genesis crystal too. He's loaded with money, he didnt know what to do with it.
Uzui also plays honkai impact and guns girl Z so when he saw the unknown god at the intro , he was not surprised.
"Oh we have to pick between the siblings? Cool cool co- oh hi kiana,"
"Thats so herrscher of void hahahahah,"
Although he is a loyal fan to MihoYo games, he lost his composure when he saw the 1st genshin anniversary reward because what was that. Imagine getting billions of money and they give us this? Tengen cant believe this shit
"Oh god wtf was that reward, i have to draw to get a welkin and some primos?? aND I ALSO HAVE TO BE LUCKY? WHAT-"
"WHERE'S MY FREE MONA,"
In need of mona. He needs mona so bad he literally spent his money on standard banner to get mona but always ends up with qiqi. Not that he's complaining but he just wants the astrologist to complete the support team
"GOD QIQI YOU AGAIN? WTF WFF WTF-" converts genesis crystal to primigems
"Tengen, you should control yourself!"
"SHUT UP KYOJURO, IM GONNA WASTE MY MONEY TILL I GET HER,"
"yeah but my f2p ass is hurting with how many bennett cons you got," droops
Tengen sees potential in every character. Everyone has their weakness and strength so when kokomi comes out, he diss her at first but then realize maybe its a new way for a character. Adds the uniqueness if he may say so.
"Meh i dont care honestly. You guys should pull whoever you find nice or beautiful. Like me ;)"
"Who do you main uzui?"
"Beidou,"
Type of player
Spoils the storylines, lores, leaks A LOT THE REST HAVE TO BLOCK HIM ON SOCIAL MEDIA
Speed runs the game and has become an endgame player ever since but he still does his daily commission and helps people with domains and stuffs
R5 every battle pass weapon
Fights azhdaha for fun and to test out his characters rather than ruin guards and stuff
Mona wanter
Puts traveller as the pfp and doesnt display any showcase of his characters and namecards. You can only see his achievements and spiral abyss ( 12-3 ). Says its for fun and mystery
Throws a lot of pickup lines and roleplays a lot. Spams your chatbox messages with stickers and censored stuffs
Probably steals your ores and exotic things like violetgrass, qingxin and silk flowers
Screams in the chatbox whenever he saw Mona until Kyojuro had to calm him down
Changes signature every single time and sometimes put spoilers in it
In every survey he would complain "MihoYo where the fuck is my Mona,"
Doesnt heals his characters
#demon slayer#kimetsu no yaiba#demon slayer hashira#kny hashira#tokitō muichirō#shinazugawa sanemi#shinobu kochou#uzui tengen#rengoku kyojuro#kamado tanjiro#kochou kanae#iguro obanai#demon slayer headcanons#kimetsu no yaiba headcanons#hashira headcanons
20 notes
·
View notes
Note
lmao im actually so desperate to die im considering swallowing two peach pits just to see if i will choke to death because nothing else ive tried has worked so far . you know what my life doesnt fucking matter ill do it. with my luck it wont work i feel im being punished and thats why i cant die. ill do it. if i dont get back to you something happened but i doubt it. im tired like you said i deserve peace. we do. bye maybe i hope this works this is pathetic but im desperate to die
hey, i'm really sorry to hear you're feeling this way. it seems like you're totally overwhelmed right now and i completely understand how debilitating that can be. i know there's nothing i can do or say that will really change how awful it feels, and you're probably not in the headspace to read all this. but if you ever want to come back to it, it'll be here. maybe you could try some of these grounding exercises, here / here and here beforehand to get you in a place where you can focus a little. it's alright, there's no rush or pressure. i just wanted to say first of all that this is not pathetic in the slightest. sometimes the world gets on top of you and you go througn so much trauma and hurt that it really does feel like giving up is the only option. people can only take so much, and i get it. that's the trick of the suicidal brain though, i think. it uses life's suffering and your own past experiences to convince you that it is always going to be this way. to romanticize death and make it into something it isn't in your head. it is actually very hard to die, as i'm sure you know. and it's not the peaceful option or escape you're looking for, either. and the most paramount thing i want to say is that your life 100% does matter. this was never up for debate. you were born with an inherent worth and it hasn't went away just because you can no longer see it. you honestly can't fathom how you've impacted peoples lives, directly and indirectly, and even just the world itself. you don't have to be anybody but who you are, i promise, the whole point is just having the human experience you're having. you're fulfilling your purpose by existing, no matter how hard it is at times. i think it's a good sign that you reached out to me, i honestly think it shows that you have a lot of self awareness regarding what's going on and that you're truly capable of asking for the help that you need. you're not in a place right now where you can trust your thoughts and feelings, so it's good to seek an objective perspective from somebody else. this state of mind is so transient, it's so intense that it's not built to last. i'm not trying to downplay how unbelievably hard to live with, of course, but it can be freeing to acknowledge that this is not all there is, no matter how difficult it is to endure currently. you deserve to be here and to exist in a way that heals you, no matter what your mind is telling you. there can be a variety of underlying causes for suicidal feelings, and obviously they're very serious issues that need real medical attention in order to begin to overcome. but with that and with time, it is totally possible to learn to live a full live along side all you've been through. even though right now i'm sure that's the lastthhing on earth you want to do.
are you currently working with a mental health professional of any sort? your doctor, a therapist, a support group, even a hotline? if not, i would really urge you to get in touch with them as soon as possible. and if you already are, let them know where your thoughts are at lately so they can focus on upping your level of care. if you're worried about money, there are cost-effective choics available, like finding a therapist who offers a sliding scale price, or looking into mental health resources within your community. i know your brain is probably screaming at you to do the opposite, but i promise any baby step in the right direction is going to pay off. the prospect of reaching out and being honest is a daunting one, and i'm only bringing it up as something to consider at the moment (or when you feel able to) so please don't write it off all together. you don't have to do anything right now, just know you have options. you honestly do. and talking to someone really is not as bad as your brain is probably building it up to be. just like with physical illness, mental illness can be confronted and treated. it's all about learning how to manage your unique mind, and even if it takes a lifetime, it is so possible to lessen the frequency of episodes like this. or to become more prepared for them so they feel less erratic when they do occur. discussing about what you've been through, pinpointing root causes of your suicidal thoughts, learnng how to implement healthy coping mechanisms into your daily routine, building a support system, finding the medication for you if needed - all of this is going to make a tangible difference. it is not going to fix everything, obviously, but it is going to lighten the weight and broaden your perspective on yourself and on living. you deserve to be supported without judgement and with genuine care, you deserve to be listened to. there are a lot of people, professionals or otherwise, even just strangers like me, who are willing to filling that role for you.
idk how it is for you and i won't pretend to, but sometimes suicidal people don't want to lose their lives, they just want to stop living the way they are. with so much chaos and unresolved pain and exhaustion. you don't have to hurt yourself in order to get there. i know when you're in this mindset, any even slightly positive piece of advice just feels impossible to believe. but even if you can't seriously take it on board at the moment, i hope when you're in a more grounded place, you can at least consider as an alternative to absolute hopelessness. you may as well, because you are alive and that is not always going to feel like a curse. it is so hard to believe it, i get that, but it is a fundamental truth. you are in an extremely difficult moment but that is not your whole existence. the future is ever changing, and you've already made it through the past, so the only thing that really matters is this moment. focus on what you need, not what you want, but what you need to do right now to truly self - prioritize. even if that feels like the last thing on earth you want do. if self destruction and self harm was gonna make you feel better, it would've by now. welcome the idea of trying something new, maybe just the notion of attempting to guide yourself through this with a bit of self-compassion. please, if you feel like you are an immediate danger to yourself, please exercise any sense of self preservation/ survival instinct and call the authorities, a hotline or a friend/family member right away. no matter what bullshit your brain is telling you, no matter how heavy your heart is right now . everything is always always always changing and things are going to change beyond recognition, it's the one thing you can count on. you deserve to stick around to see it all, and once you've made the decision to do so, you won't feel so stuck and conflicted anymore. i'm going to leave some links that i think might help a little in this moment, but like i said, please call someone if you feel you can't be alone right now. i'm rooting for u a lot and i really hope you are able do the right thing for yourself. if it's all too hard, focus on getting through the next hour. if that's too much, the next minute. and if that's too much, the next second. break it down into what you can handle and let yourself live. and then just go from there. sending you all my love.
list of hotlines
coping with depression
coping with suicidal thoughts
so you feel like shit?
template for creating a safety plan
28 notes
·
View notes
Note
magnus cat brain.... flopping his whole body on top of alec when they finally see each other after a few days of work keeping them apart. “can’t move my cat sat on me” but it’s alec when he’s got a phone call with magnus on him
YES <33 alec jokingly pretends it inconveniences him but he loves it!! he loves it sm!! alec is like *big eyeroll* i guess i will just have to stay in today... and magnus is like haha yes... how unfortunate... and then they dont move at all for another 2 hours<3
ok feelings time!! magnus has probably been told he is "too much" (by which i mean he definitely has lol) and denied affection, especially physical affection, so at first he's probably anxious abt cuddling with alec, bc what if it's too much? what if it's the final straw? alec probably won't leave him over one time he's clingy, but what about ten times? a hundred times? it all piles up, doesn't it?
alec catches on ofc, because he's so attuned to magnus and constantly paying attention, bc isn't that what love is? paying attention? seeing your person for who they are? making an effort to learn them? sorry its almost 12 for me i'm sleepy and feeling romantic
the first time magnus is probably really tense, constantly shifting around and asking whether he's too heavy, whether alec is uncomfortable, whether he should move and they could lay side by side instead, because oh god, can you even breathe? do you want me to move?
and alec is like, no, no, don't move, this is good. this is nice. because SIKE! alec has been wanting the good feeling of someone laying on him this whole time! he likes the pressure and he likes the warmth and he likes holding magnus close! these men are not neurotypical.
and it gets better from there! it gets easier! magnus gets better at relaxing into alec and alec gets better at seeking magnus out when he wants to be laid on,,, this is a whole win/win btw, magnus likes to flop and alec likes to be flopped on literally no one loses i am so jealous of them rn. what the fuck
it gets better and it becomes a normal thing for them! just flopping down together and sort of halfassedly cuddling! ur so right, after they havent been together for a bit because of work they just lay there for a long while,,,, mmghhnn <33
alec: sorry i cant come in today. no im not sick. magnus fell asleep on me. what do u mean thats not a good reason. i dont care im sure someone can fill in for me. see u tomorrow
magnus who was just barely awake the whole time: :)
(many of these thoughts are inspired by cuubism's fic skin hunger (link) which u should go read asap !!! and also read cat's out of the bag (link) just bc its a very quality magnus cat brain piece kjsdfkc)
#asks#anon#sh#malec#magnus bane#alec lightwood#ramble tag#frfr go read cuubism's fic rn!! go read all of her fics!! theyre all so good!!! <3#i barely proofread this ask and it is late so if it sucks im sorry sfdcnfdj
29 notes
·
View notes
Note
my ask didnt send i am going to murder. anyway BEEP CLASSPECTING... now im thinking abt that and aimsey. from the top of my head/only briefly thinking, beep as rage or void vibes with me? (obvs not the typical rage player you see, more like the nuance we were discussing). and aimsey as a life player?
oooo void beep would be suuper cool :oc rage too, he is very fucking stubborn and does have outbursts rather often (also rage players in canon usually have connections to magic, and then the homestuck rage players all had religious themes so, god stuff). meanwhile void fits beeps heavy "this is all irrelevant and you could never understand any of this", and his own belief that even what he does just doesnt matter. personality under a veil (not necessarily a facade), fundamental inability to understand and truly perceive it all.
id say he doesnt fit rage enough, if only because rage players are fundamentally about survival instinct, and, well. beeps already dead, and he seems to be perfectly fine with the fact that one day he just wont exist at all. hes not scared, though he is easily pissed off, but in the end he just sort of likes messing with shit and being in control. lil dickhead (affectionate)
honestly, since he almost fits rage but not quite, he.. almost acts like a prince of hope (unfortunate eridan kinnie). destroying beliefs and asserting his reality as the Absolute Truth, dragging others like aimsey into his delusions and being in a situation where aimseys putting her faith into him even though hes not a good person because she feels the need to believe in him and connect with him, because she genuinely feels like hes the only friend they have left, and because aimsey wants desperately to believe in what beep is trying to show her, desperately wants to understand. he shuts down things he believes to be false, to the point where he can make them false by simply destroying the problem.
hes a force of outward destruction, destroying what he believes to be flaws in others. theyre heavily defensive, putting everyone beneath them, believing hes the one thats doing it Right, and ultimately, he believes its his right to control things. he doesnt trust anyone, he reacts to any fear he may have with anger, lashes out, and the "TELL. NO ONE" scene almost showcases beep shattering and hurting aimsey before he steps back and give a quick "sorry!". his arc seems to be leading up to him realizing he can care about aimsey, that he can trust her to believe him and in him, and he seems to be dealing with the concept of trusting aimsey with his beliefs
hes definitely not a general hope player, but specifically prince of hope could fit. onto possible void class combos, with, first, the notable fact that we dont know what kind of person beep may have been in the past, other than that he was destructive. we know about some events in his past, and how he feels about them (kinda), but generally, this means hes very versatile and has many class possibilities, depending on how we want to interpret what we do know.
for example, he could be a maid whose now in the apeshit stage, stubborn and repressive. its entirely possible he got so tired of listening to the other spirits that he got to the unhealthy stage, exploded, and now without anything stopping him, hes doing whatever the fuck he wants, because hes decided none of it matters, that its all irrelevant and he doesnt have to care because its his fucking universe and no one can stop him from playing god. he spends his time doing menial things, because to him, its all equally unimportant, so why not waste time? he cuts down unnecessary tasks, weeds out what he finds useless, etc etc. basically, he should still be independent, but he needs to be brought back down to earth (metaphorically), because hes kind of burnt himself out and is now fucking with things because he feels none of it matters anyways
sylph of void sort of works too, mainly his meddling and tendency to shut down anything that could reveal something he doesnt want revealed, as well as shutting down others viewpoints and he covers up shit whenever he wants. his motivations are, really, mostly unknown to us, other than that he seems to think this is fun. otherwise, he also has a tendency to try and fix things he thinks needs fixing (like getting rid of fairies and space creatures), and will often try to fix mistakes he sees in mortals. however, slyphs are ultimately healers, and beep just. is not a healer, and he doesnt necessarily invite creation of void in any way, since void isnt really destruction of anything, and what he does invite is destruction of things. hes also just too active to be a slyph
so, with the previous prince assession, theres also the possibility of him being a prince of light, which would mean he would act more like a void player. hed destroy light with light, destroy the importance of information with information. they strip away the importance of things, uses plain fact to force the perception that nothings really important. he dismisses the importance of things, purposefully acts ignorant to draw away from what he knows, destroys knowledge itself from a power standpoint (wiping aimseys memory), and in extreme cases, can physically destroy anything in his way, or assert over and over that what he said/did isnt real, that nothings true or important other than what hes saying. again, little shit. if i had to make up my mind, i think prince of light fits the most
as for aimsey, i think life does fit him really well, shes definitely got the similar "girl next door" kind of vibes, while still being really interesting in her own right. she definitely starts out as a typical fictional life player, enthusiastic, energetic, genuine, wanting to effect the world. shes a normal girl (and this isnt an insult, rather, her being so normal ties the magical themes of the bear smp together really well, and its a perfect way to use a life player, make them be a catalyst for both the normal life player and eccentric others to shine). however, as she struggles with losing trust in bear and not being treated well, not having anyone that cares about them specifically, the energy starts to falter, but comes back when they feel the need to be rebellious. notably, while aspects arent super literal, she contrasts beep so much in just how alive she is, which fits her being a life player rather well. except, as i said, aspects arent literal, which means aimsey being a life player translates to her showing what life means in a metaphorical sense.
life is about agency. its about what you do, your ability to do so, its about asserting your will. not what drives you, but simply you doing at all. interesting enough, life players can be hard to pin down because life is about desire and agency, while the players class defines their ideology. life players can become obsessed with an idea that they need to do something, that they need to change how systems work, and often can cloak their want to fulfill their individual desires as altruistic want to fulfill others needs and desires (i.e., aimsey wants a friend and someone who pays attention to her and is genuine towards her, she feels like shes found that in beep, and as such starts to cloak her want to be his friend as aimsey wanting to help beep rather than aimsey themself).
as for said class.. this was, hard. because of how heavily influenced life is by the class its paired with, and because aimseys arc right now is trying to deal with feeling like shes too much and unneeded, it means that i have to really consider how that connects with which classes struggles. so, i ended up with sylph. aimsey is a creator, and she tries to heal as well. "allowing creation/healing of life or inviting creation/healing through life". from a literal standpoint, she tries to help bear heal by trying to get him to open up, to live, to make friends and interact with people. this could almost seem like a blood player move, but while a lot of aimseys arc is about bonds and relationships, shes not really a strong connecter or leader, shes just good at inspiring others to be, to her own detriment.
also notably, unhealthy sylphs crave, whether craving more of their own aspect, or craving another aspect when they feel theirs is not enough. aimsey talks a lot about how she grew up doing things by her lonesome, and now that she feels like people are moving on without her, she may be craving blood (that sounds so awful out of context). she wants attachments, wants to be the person that brings everyone together, but.. she isnt, not in a way thats appreciated. and due to her insecurities, she sees this as a flaw within himself, and as something to fix. so, she latches onto beep, and desperately tries to have as much of an effect on their life as they do on hers. like life players in general, sylphs try to solve their problems under the guise of helping someone else with theirs. currently, aimsey seems to be trying to find what she needs to do, because when she tried to do what she thought she needed to do, she (from her perspective) failed, so now shes trying to make up for her perceived failure within herself by trying to help herself through helping beep. i would think into it even more but i think its probably best to just leave it here KEKW
#angel answers#long post#im afraid to count the paragraphs on this one tbh#i dont think its That Much but it felt like it#beep bsmp#aimsey#bear smp#bsmp classpecting#hs
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
Not as Terrible (Rafe Cameron X Routledge!Reader)
Warnings:Not proof read, swearing
Being John.B’s older sister was definitely and adventure.You were only older by a year but that one year age gap did a lot for you.Whether it was arguments or discussions on who would do a dangerous task you could always pull the older sibling card.
Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didnt but it was always worth a shot.But then again being the older sibling and John.B’s only family meant that you had other responsibilities,including messing up anyone that messed with him.
Rafe kissed you gently, a grin on his face. “I love you.”He grinned,hands in your hoodie pocket. “I know.I gotta go soon,JB’s gonna get made at me.”His face fell,pouting. “He shouldnt be your responsibility.”He grumbled,holding you tight.
You simply shrugged, not wanting to go through your life story and how it was now your job to take care of him.He could never understand the situation, he didnt really give a damn about Sarah.He also had a father, a shitty one for sure but he still had a father at least.He couldnt understand being a pogue either.
You guys were completely different in pretty much every way imaginable but ‘opposites attract’ or whatever bullshit. “I know….I’ll see you tomorrow though, right?”You asked,sitting up.He nodded,pulling you into another quick kiss before kissing your forehead lightly.
“Dont forget to hate me.”You reminded him,opening his window and sliding down the fire escape,feeling his eyes on you as you hopped the fence.He sighed, becoming tired of the little game you guys had to play.
Because Rafe was the direct enemy of your brother and his friends that meant that you were supposed to avoid him entirely.It was just the rules of life.But that being said if you ever came across one of your brothers enemies you had to mess with them.
That included messing with Rafe,randomly showing up and flicking the back of his head,disappearing before he knew it was you.It started as you being an annoying presence to ruin his day,spitting gum onto his windshield or placing fake tickets on his car.
But slowly you started falling in love with him because of course you did.It was fucked up but you couldnt stop it, him eventually falling for you too.Thats when this little game began, sneaking out of your house and over to Rafe’s to cuddle and watch movies together,coming home late at night when John.B and his friends were having a fire.
JJ would pull you onto his lap, asking where you had been.He had a thing for you, claiming that it would be fine if the two of you guys got together because you were only eight months older than him so it wasnt that strange.
The age gap itself wasnt strange, it was the fact that he was your brother’s best friend for the last eight years that made things strange.You were fine with sitting in his lap while he whispered jokes into your ear in attempts to get you to laugh.
Of course it felt a little wrong because you were dating Rafe but you couldnt exactly tell him that without John.B finding out too, instead just letting JJ mess around with you because you knew nothing was going to come from it.
The next day you were decided to go with them to the beach, regretting it when you saw Rafe with Topper and Kelce, sitting in beach chairs with beer bottles in their hands.You saw JJ’s jaw clench, John.B rolling his eyes.
“Why are they here?This isnt fair.”You brother grumbled, Pope nodding in agreement.The five of you decided to sit in the sand for a while,JJ’s hand on your knee almost like he was trying to protect you from Rafe’s eyes.If only he knew.Rafe kept looking over to you, a blush on his cheeks as he did so.
Eventually they left, leaving you and your brothers friends alone on the beach. “You know, I think im just gonna head back home.I have a headache.”You told them, making your way up the sandy hills before they could question it.As you began your walk down one of the dirt streets to get back to the house a bike pulled up next to you, your boyfriend being the one riding it.
“Hey pretty girl.”You could practically hear the smile through his helmet.You sighed, stopping your walk to stare at him as he took off his helmet,leaning down to give you a quick kiss. “You coming to my house tonight?”He asked, twisting the fabric of your tshirt.
You shrugged, not sure what your brother was going to be doing. “I dont know if I can, John.B and the others might want me to go get groceries with them or something.”You replied,feeling his grip on you tighten,humming. “I havent messed with them in a while.”He muttered, glad when you smiled.
“Thats good, I would have beat your ass if you did.”You teased with a roll of your eyes. He chuckled,kissing your forehead. “I would've liked it though.”He admitted.You laughed,smacking his arm lightly. “Shut up.”You grumbled, unaware of JJ watching you guys.
“Is he bothering you?”JJ asked, coming out from his hiding spot in the trees.Your eyes widened, your stomach tightening.Shit. “Uh...no, everythings fine, JJ.Just go back to the beach.”You told him,hoping you didnt sound too suspicious.His blue eyes fell to your hand, the one that was holding Rafe’s.Fuck.
“Is something going on that I should know about?”He asked,glaring at Rafe like he was trying to make his head blow up. “No, just go back to the beach.”You told him, a sort of assertive tone to your voice that was reserved for John.B when he wanted to do something dangerous.JJ’s eyebrows furrowed, not used to you speaking to him like this.
He nodded,walking away, sending you a look of disappointment before disappearing into the trees, most likely about to tell John.B what he had just seen.Rafe noticed how uneasy you were,hugging you. “Hey, dont stress about it.He’s got nothing on you, whats he gonna do?Complain that we were having a conversation?”He asked, not really helping.
“So I just saw (Y/N) talking to Rafe.”JJ grabbed a beer from the cooler, all eyes falling on him. “Cameron?”John.B asked, not really believing that you’d ever talk to such a vile human being.JJ nodded,sipping the alcoholic drink.
“They were all over eachother, it was weird.”He grumbled, a slight jealousy in his voice.Kiara raised her eyebrows, a little mad about the situation. “What do you mean they were all over eachother?”She asked, looking over to Pope.
“I mean they were holding hands and shit,giggling and he was like,I dont know.Its weird.”He tried his best to explain,realising it didnt sound as serious as it was. “(Y/N) doesnt giggle...she just...she just stares at people.Are you sure it was Rafe?”Pope asked.This was out of character for you.You had joined their conversations before, all of you talking shit about the Cameron family.
You had called Rafe a “Cruel, disgusting bitch.” it didnt make sense that you’d willingly talk to him.Meanwhile you were on the back of Rafe’s bike,arms wrapped around him tight as he pulled into his driveway, trying to figure out the best way to sneak you inside.
You ended up being hidden by him as you guys shuffled up the stairs, nearly getting caught by Ward.Luckily he was too busy on a call, not paying attention at all as Rafe pushed you inside his room, locking the door with a sigh. “What do you wanna watch?”He asked,falling on the bed next to you, grabbing the tv remote.
You shrugged,wrapping an arm around him with your head against his chest. “Doesnt matter.”You replied, watching as he picked a random horror movie,knowing that hed probably end up squealing and holding onto you.Your phone dinged, vibrating against your thigh.
You sighed,picking it up to check what someone could want or why they were trying to talk to you.It was a text from Kie, asking why the hell you were at Rafe Cameron’s house.There was no way in hell she actually knew that, she was probably just guessing.You sat up,taking Rafe with you, his chin on your shoulder and a frown on his face.
You:????
Kie:Your snap map is on.What are you doing with Rafe?
You:Im not with Rafe
Kie:Seriously like are you ok
You:Im fine lol
Kie:But why are you with Rafe?
You sighed,turning to look at the kook king. “What should I tell her?”You asked, unsure what to do.If you told her that you in Rafe were dating then she would obviously tell John.B and that meant that you would be in deep shit and would never hear the end of it.He sighed,kissing your shoulder lightly.
“I dunno, baby.Tell her whatever you feel comfortable telling her.”That wasnt really helpful.You couldnt exactly lie to her.There was no other reason that you’d be at the Cameron’s mansion if it werent for Rafe.You hated Sarah because Kiara hated Sarah so you couldnt exactly use that excuse either.You were anxious the whole time you typed, praying that she wouldnt tell the others.
You:Can you keep a secret?
Kie:Yeah
You:What would you do if I told you I was dating Rafe?
Kie:You dumb idiot
Kie:Rafe??Really?Out of all people?
Kie:Hoe you could do better
Kie:So like youre cool with him hitting JJ and Pope?
Kie:Shit you need to tell JJ
You sighed,biting the inside of your cheek. “Why do you need to tell JJ?”Rafe asked,curious.You groaned,leaning against him. “He’s got a thing for me.”You explained, hoping you hadnt made him feel insecure.
You:He’s nice to me,ok?Plus he hasnt beat anyone in months and im happy and I just need you to not say anything
You waited for an answer, only seeing a ‘read’ receipt. “Shit.”You sighed, realizing that you had probably made the wrong decision by telling her about your relationship. “What?”He asked, not understanding exactly what had happened.
“Watch her tell everyone.”You tossed your phone down onto the blanket, laying on top of your boyfriend. “It wouldnt be so bad,would it?”He asked, knowing that you were probably embarrassed to be with him. “I just...you know how they feel about you.”you reminded him, hearing him sigh.
“I know.”He replied as he rubbed small circles along your stomach. “Im trying to change though.”He muttered, pressing a kiss to your neck.You nodded, understanding. “I know you are but they dont.”You grumbled,your leg resting at his hip as he continued leaving kisses down your neck.
You didnt leave until four in the morning, staying up with him the whole night.Ward and Rose had gone out on a date, leaving the two of you with his house to yourselves.You sat on the kitchen counter,your legs around his waist as you shared a pint of icecream.
“This is the expensive kind.”You noticed,coming across brownie chunks and bits of chocolate truffle.He smiled, nodding. “Yep, its just kook life I guess.”He replied, not really caring. “This shit is like...ten dollars a pint.”He only laughed, not understanding how you hadnt grown up with the same things he had.
He just couldnt wrap his head around the fact that not everyone was like him.You couldnt exactly blame him, he had been isolated most of his childhood and if he wasnt by himself he was surrounded by kooks.
“You can go to the grocery store with me next week if you want.We can get all the expensive icecream you want...maybe we can get some for John.B too, you know, to win him over.”He explained his idea.You shrugged, not sure how to feel.
“You dont even do your own grocery shopping, remember?”You asked, seeing him roll his eyes. “I’ll go grocery shopping for you, baby.We can get cookie dough and mix it into brownie batter.”He continued,scooping another spoonful of icecream.You bit the inside of your cheek, thinking about it.It sounded fun but most grocery stores wouldnt be open at the times you were with Rafe.
“I gotta go, i’ll see you tomorrow though.”You promised,kissing him quickly.He backed away to let you slide off the counter, putting your phone in your pocket. He tugged at your t shirt, bringing you close to him so he could place a kiss on your lips, enjoying the feeling that he knew he wouldnt feel for a day at least.
He knew that the second you left his happiness would leave with you, making his mood a bit dull as he hugged you.“Do you want icecream to go?”He offered.You were quick to shake your head, leaving quick so you could get home.He pouted, wishing you two could be together more often.
You tip toed into the house,turning on your bedroom light only to see The Pogues all sitting in there, staring at the door. “Rafe Cameron?”John.B asked, sitting up on your bed.You sighed, sitting down.
“Really,Kie?”You asked, looking over to the brunette. “JJ took my phone!”She exclaimed, making your eyes travel to JJ. “Are you serious?”You asked the blonde, noticing him pouting.
“I thought he should know.”He muttered.Pope just seemed mad. “How long has this been going on?”Your brother asked, glaring at you. “Im not doing this right now.”You shook your head, going to leave the room when he grabbed your wrist.
“(Y/N).What would dad think?”He asked.You scoffed, unable to believe that he went there. “Dad would want me to be happy, unlike you.He hasnt bothered you guys in months!Cant you see that he’s changed?”You asked,all of them avoiding eye contact.
“No!People like Rafe Cameron cant change, (Y/N)!Do you think he actually likes you?”John.B asked, regretting it the second it left his lips. “Oh, fuck you!”You exclaimed, leaving the room and slamming the door behind you.
“What the hell, John.B?”Kiara shouted, angry with her friend. “I didnt mean it like that!Lets give her a minute to cool off.”John.B grumbled, feeling JJ and Pope glaring at him.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?”Pope asked, just as angry as JJ.John.B just sat, listening to their cursing and anger. “I didnt mean it!”John.B shouted eventually, tired of their yelling.JJ shook his head, going to find you.
You werent in the bathroom or living room, leading him to think that maybe you had left until he looked out the kitchen window.He saw you in the hammock, leaving the house with a slam of the screen door and going to lay down next to you.
“What do you want?”You asked, not looking at the blonde. “Does he really make you happy?”JJ asked,waiting patiently for your answer.You nodded, turning to look at him. “Very much, yeah.”You answered,seeing a grin on his face.
“So then why does it matter what we think?I mean, im definitely the better choice here but if he makes you happy then go for it.”He chuckled, looking over to the house. “John.B is mad.”You muttered, wrapping your arms around JJ’s torso as the sun began to come up.
“He’s always mad, doesnt matter.If he can hook up with girls all the time I dont see why you cant have a healthy, loving relationship.It seems dumb to me.”He shrugged.You laughed quietly, not understanding when JJ became a life coach.
“Yeah, I agree.I just dont want him to be mad at me, you know?Its not like if he’s mad at you, you can just leave the house but I cant.Im stuck with that bitch all the time.”You ranted, earning a small laugh from him.
“Yeah, true.I think you should just live your life how you want to live it.If you want to be with Rafe then be with Rafe.Personally im not a fan of him but that doesnt mean I can just control your relationships.I mean, youre right.He hasnt really bothered us in months and I havent seen him around The Cut looking for trouble so maybe he has changed.As long as its healthy and everything is consensual.Everything is consensual,right?”He asked, looking down at you.
You hadnt really seen this side of JJ before, usually only seeing his flirty and joking side. “Of course.”You replied, flicking his stomach. “Right, so thats good.If John.B’s mad then that sucks but there’s nothing you can do about it.”He sighed, staring up at the sky through the tree branches.
“Are you mad?”You asked, curious for his answer.He bit his lip, thinking about it. “No, not really.I just cant believe you like him of all people.”He chuckled, feeling you flick his head. “I didnt like him at first, it kinda just happened.”You replied.JJ nodded, not saying anything else.
You fell asleep in the hammock next to JJ,waking up at noon.There was a note on the kitchen table saying that they had all decided to go out on the boat for the day and that there was pepsi and yogurt in the fridge.You could tell by the handwriting that Pope had written it, everyone else had probably forgot about you.
At eight the next night things werent as tense as they had been before.John.B had even driven you to Rafe’s house, ranting about safe sex and telling you to give Rafe a slice of ‘humble pie’.You rolled your eyes,getting out of the van and telling him to fuck off before walking up to Rafe’s front door, knocking lightly.
He told you that you didnt have to climb through his window anymore.Since you had to tell the pogues about your relationship he had decided to tell his family about it as well which meant he didnt have to hide you anymore.
John.B watched from the van as Rafe embraced you in a hug, smile on his face as he kissed your forehead.He had never seen Rafe look like that, the only smile he’d ever seen on Rafe Cameron was the kind that belonged to an angry sociopath.
But now he kind of just looked like a squishy, smiling gremlin.You and Rafe stood in the doorway for a moment, talking about how things had gone with John.B.Rafe had noticed the van sitll in the driveway, sending a quick and awkward brave towards your brother.A grin came across John.B’s face as he backed out of the driveway.Maybe you dating the Kook King wasnt as terrible as he thought.
@sexytholland @28cnn @popcrone818 @fttayla @cherryobx @n1ghtsh4d3-67 @drewstarkeyobx @poguestyleskye @judayyyw @jjtheangel @jj-iz-bae
@sunwardsss @meaganjm @sarcasticsagittarius1998 @natalie-kate-98 @nxsmss @broken-jj @joshy-obx @prejudic3 @outerbongs @copper-boom @httpstarkey @teenwaywardasgardian @drewswannabegirl @simonsbluee @jiaraendgame @khiaraaa-in-spacee @on-socks-off @abbiesthings @kindahavefeelingskindaheartless
#rafe cameron#rafe obx#rafe x reader#rafe cameron imagine#rafe cameron x you#rafe fanfiction#rafe smut#rafe fluff#rafe fic#drew starkey#outerbanks#outer banks netflix
218 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
spottymotty
HAYLEN
laytondoodles
LAYTONDOODLES
zedogica
FlatBroke Cave
suddenlydarcy
Suddenly, Darcy
joaofarelo
João Farelo