#bc 1) the thought of it makes me sick and 2) the fact that my friends just. don’t care about my sexuality | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kyriethesquishysquid · 7 months

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Betrayal Never Felt So Good (König/Fem!Reader) Chapter 4

You can find Chapter 1 here, Chapter 2 here, Chapter 3 here, Chapter 5 here, and Chapter 6 here!

Word count: ~6

Rating: Mature

A/N: A bit of a filler chapter but it's adding pertinent info to the story, I promise! Some use of Y/N and Y/L/N. Some smut, feels, and story progression! Reader is still morally grey and morally questionable; a delulu girly, if you will. Reader has trauma that will be expanded upon later. Continued COD and military inaccuracies galore. Brief mentions of our beloved 141!

TW: Smut! Mutual masturbation, exhibitionism/voyeurism, dom/sub tones. Reader reflects a little on her trauma from Daniel. Reader tries to trust people and make new friends! Pet names (in English and German), bad German translations bc I’m STILL a lame monolingual American, and STILL no beta because we die like jackass Graves.

Crappy Translations:

Maus - Mouse

Mein schatz - My darling

Meine leibling - My love

Süßes mädchen- Sweet girl

Scheiße - Shit

Ja, das ist ein gutes Mädchen. Lass mich dich hören - Ja, that’s a good girl. Let me hear you.

Da ist mein wunderschöner Liebling - There is my beautiful love.

You were gonna be sick. You just knew it. Commander Graves’ stare was too much to handle, and yet you knew you had no other choice. The only other option was to give in, condemn both yourself and König to prison or death with the truth, and you refused to do that. You just had to trust in König’s plan, no matter how questionable.

“I’m sure, sir,” you replied, trying to keep your voice from shaking, “The last I saw was him going back into the bar.”

Graves’ tapped his pen on the table, his expression as unreadable as ever, before sitting up in his chair to lean over the desk. His intensity was overwhelming, making your heartbeat loud enough you were almost sure he could hear it too.

“Ya don’t have to be scared here, Y/N. This ain’t an interrogation. I’m just tryin’ ta get the facts about Carter before we call it.”

For the first time since that night, guilt licked the insides of your belly. Deserter. First, you’d allowed König to kill him and hide the body, and now you were willing to let his name be dragged through the mud, to allow his family to hear the worst about him when he wasn’t even alive to fight for himself. Fuck, but the lengths you would go through to protect König, just as he’d been protecting you for the better part of a year. It was honestly terrifying and made you question things about yourself that you’d never thought of before. Were you really as good of a person as you thought you were, as you tried to be, if you were willing to do all of this? Probably not.

“I understand, sir, I just kind of feel like I’ve been called into the principal’s office at school,” you joked quietly.

That brought a little smile to his face. Man, if he weren’t such a toxic fucker, he’d be pretty attractive. Too bad he was a righteous prick.

“That’s fair. Well, thank you for your time, Y/L/N. If I could just get you to sign this document here statin’ that you stand by your statement as the truth and allow for it to be used as necessary for legalities,” he sighed, pushing the paper and pen in your direction.

With a deep breath, you snagged up the pen and signed your name with a flourish. There it was, your deceit finalized in ink for all to see. It was to protect König, not for yourself, you kept repeating in your mind. It’s all for König. Anything for König.

“Am I good to go then, sir?” you asked with a forced smile.

“Actually, I have one more thing for you,” Graves replied, lifting a finger as he opened his desk drawer, “These… are papers of all the tasks I need you to go over with your trainer. After the last… episode, it’s become abundantly clear that you’re in dire need of a refresher course on the basics. Can’t have our best medic dying because she doesn’t know how to protect herself, hmm?”

You had to bite your tongue from giving a sassy reply and instead took the papers with a nod.

Looking over the pages, you asked curiously, “Who’s my trainer?”

“You’ll be workin’ with Private Declan every day, 1700 to 1900 after your normal shift until he feels you are well-equipped for future missions,” he explained, “Not havin’ ya do anythin’ too crazy so it shouldn’t take too long to complete, probably two weeks, give or take.”

Declan. The name sounded familiar. Hopefully he wasn’t one of Daniel’s close friends or things would end up real awkward real quick.

“Got it.”

“You’re dismissed,” Graves commented as he leaned back in his seat.

You couldn’t get back to your room fast enough, eager to be sheltered safe away from Graves’ intimidating stare. As soon as you were in your room, you dug your phone out and sent a quick text to König.

‘Hey love, you free to talk?’

You knew there was a chance he’d be busy or even have possibly been sent out on a mission since this morning, but it didn’t hurt to check. While you waited for his reply, you got changed from your scrubs into a comfortable pair of pajamas. You were debating on if you wanted to go through your rigorous skincare routine or just pass out when your phone started ringing.

Eagerly launching yourself onto the mattress, you quickly slid the green button when you saw König’s name pop up on the screen.

“Hi!” you said, a little too excitedly.

God, way to sound like a loser, Y/N. Could you be more embarrassing?

“Hello, Süßes mädchen.”

Fuck, just hearing his voice over the phone was enough to make your heart flutter. Chewing on your lower lip, you asked him about his day, wanting to start the call on a good note before you told him about Graves’ little meeting. He told you about some of the newest recruits, and how Horangi was talking to a civilian and it was more serious than his past conquests. He sounded like a proud older brother when he talked about Horangi and it was honestly adorable. A big grin was fixed on your face as you listened to his highs and lows, enjoying the shifts in his tone as he rambled for quite some time. It was nice, you realized, having someone to just talk to, even if it wasn’t in person.

“Ah, but enough about my day, how was your, meine liebling?” he asked.

“I enjoy hearing about what you’ve been up to,” you assured him warmly, “You know I love hearing you talk, but uh, my day was good. Got a little rocky at the end.”

“What happened?”

You could hear the instant change in his voice, protective König coming off the sidelines and ready to attack. It made you chuckle.

“Nothing that bad in the long run. Uh, Graves’ finally talked to me about Daniel. Had to sign a legal document backing up my statement. So far it seems everything is going well, but he also decided I need to redo training so I can protect myself better,” you explained.

He let out a little hum before sighing, “I have to agree with him there, maus. As much as I’d rather just be there to protect you, your safety is important.”

Cheeks flushing, you agree quietly. Of course, you’d rather have your big Austrian lover there as your guard but, unfortunately, that was just the way the world was for now. You snuggled farther back into the bed and began telling him about the mysterious case of chlamydia rampaging through the barracks, and all the chaos it was causing. It made you grateful you hadn’t made the choice to sleep with anyone there during the two months you’d not seen König.

“I will never understand the urge some have to fuck anything that moves,” he muttered quietly.

“Me either,” you replied, “Not that I’m innocent by any means. I’m all about people having fun. Hell, I’ve had my fair share of hook-ups, but… at least make sure ya use protection, you know?”

König let out a noise that almost sounded like a growl and you halted your words instantly, concerned by the sudden shift.

“You okay?” you asked tentatively.

“Fine, just don’t like thinking about that,” he sighed darkly, “That others have touched you. They didn’t deserve to have that access to you.”

Before you could stop it, a little giggle escaped, earning a disgruntled huff in reply.

“Don’t worry about it, big guy. If you want, I’ll gladly tell you about how much better you are than anyone I’ve ever been with,” you teased.

There was a soft groan from his side of the line before he retorted, “That doesn't help much.”

You thought about your words carefully, about what might ease that little twinge of jealousy, until finally, it hit. Prey on that possessive nature of his that you loved so much.

Lowering your voice to a seductive whisper, you murmured, “Okay, how about the fact you’re the only man I’ve had sex with without a condom? Also, just remember, love, they may have had me first… but you’re my last.”

Maybe a little stronghanded with the last sentence but you were willing to put your hopes out in the open. Unless something drastic occurred, you couldn’t see not wanting to be with him, and he seemed thoroughly content with you.

“Ah, maus, now that does make it better,” he purred warmly.

Smirking, you replied, “Thought so.”

A familiar warmth coiled low in your belly as you let your thoughts linger on König and just how much better he was than any other lover. It was torture not being allowed to be in his arms. Even without the sexual aspect, you wanted nothing more than to just be in his presence, be allowed to see him, and touch him. Memories of your last night together and his beautiful face created a dangerous combination between your thighs.

“You’re quiet, what’s going on in that pretty head, hmm?” he asked suddenly.

“Ah, um… taxes?” you squeaked out.

You could feel the heat returning to your cheeks as he laughed and you realized you’d been caught daydreaming about him. How were you still so easily flustered by that man when you’d fucked him seven ways from Sunday on multiple occasions now?

“Taxes huh? Must be pretty entertaining if it’s taking your attention off of me,” he teased.

Pursing your lips, you quickly retorted, “Nothing could take my attention off of you, König. You’re practically a permanent fixture in my head now.”

There was a little rumble and you barely made out his quiet “Good” before there was a rustling on his end. Now it was his turn to be oddly quiet.

“What are you doing over there?” you asked curiously.

The deep noise he let out made your heart thump harder.

“Taxes.”

His breathless tone scrambled your brain and it took a moment to comprehend what he meant but once it hit, you felt the niggle of lust in your core ramp up quickly. Clenching your thighs together, you let out a sigh at the slight relief.

“Hmm, do you need help with those taxes?” you mused gently.

His response was a decidedly determined, “Yes!”

“Video chat?”

The line went dead in the next instant, startling and confusing you until you saw the screen light up with the video call request. You could tell your face was flushed dark in the little square that showed your image in the top right and it only made your embarrassment grow.

“Da ist mein wunderschöner, Liebling.”

“Well hello there, handsome” you murmured, unable to stop the grin spreading across your lips.

To your surprise, König was maskless and it made your heart do a little happy dance. He really was one of the most stunning people you’d ever seen. It was a shame he hid it all the time but you also understood his need for privacy with his anxiety and for secrecy.

“You look absolutely beautiful, mein schatz,” he purred quietly.

Warmth quickly filled your cheeks again, his complement reminding you that you were in pajamas with your hair unstyled and only the remnants of the day's makeup on your face. Thankfully, your pajamas weren’t too incredibly bad; a dark grey tanktop with lace along the neckline and matching shorts. It could have been way worse but you also wished you’d had the chance to clean up before he’d seen you.

“Says the male model,” you replied cheekily, “So, wanna show me these taxes I have to help with?”

He let out a snort but suddenly the camera was facing down his body. Your sharp gasp filled the air as he groaned softly. He was already fully hard and leaking, all flushed and beautiful and demanding. Even his massive hand couldn’t cover it completely. God damn.

“I’ve been hard since the moment I heard your voice,” he rumbled softly, “You drive me crazy.”

You watched in awe as he began to stroke his length, throaty little noises filtering through the phone’s speaker like a siren’s song. Setting the phone precariously on your breasts, you quickly shoved your shorts down your legs and kicked them off the end of the bed before picking it back up.

“Need to see you, maus,” he demanded huskily, “Show me what is mine.”

If it were possible, you would have died right then and there from his words.

“Just so you know, I’ve never really done this whole video sex thing before,” you admitted meekly, suddenly nervous by the thought of showing off over the camera.

“And you think I have?” he snickered, “You enjoy seeing me, ja?”

“Of course!”

“Then let me see you too. You know just how much I love your body,” he cajoled sweetly, “Or do I have to punish you for disobedience when I see you next, hmm?”

“No sir!” you gasped.

With a shaky sigh, you switched to the back camera and moved the phone down, ensuring you could still see him at the same time. Your fingers twitched eagerly against your thigh as he let out a low moan.

“Gutes mädchen, now, show me how you tease yourself.”

Excitement brewed to life under the prospect of being controlled from afar and you quickly moved to follow his orders. Your eyes fluttered shut uncontrollably as you traced your fingertips up and down your slit, nearly jumping at the light sensation when goosebumps crawled across your skin. This continued on for only a minute or two before he gave in and told you to slide a finger into your cunt. An uncontrollable whimper escaped as you felt your warm walls clamp down around the digit.

Forcing your eyes open once again, you intentionally began to match your thrusts to the pace of his hand. It was nothing nearly as good as the real thing, but it was close enough and you couldn’t deny the things this interaction was making you feel.

“Gut, gut, that’s it. Show me how wet you are.”

It took a moment to get the angle right but the instant you caught the glistening sheen across your lips and fingers, he halted his hand with a broken groan.

“I would give anything to have my face buried in that pretty little cunt right now,” he growled, “Go on, maus, show me how you make yourself feel good.”

“O-Okay,” you breathed softly.

The awkwardness of touching yourself with an audience was beginning to fade away, lost to pleasure and lust as you watched him. When you finally sunk two fingers into your hole and hooked them up against your g-spot, you nearly saw stars, a weak whimper falling from your lips.

“Ja, das ist ein gutes Mädchen. Lass mich dich hören,” König groaned, “Faster, schatz, keep up with me.”

Eager to obey, you swiftly withdrew your fingers and used the slick to rub your nub. With a finger on either side, you squeezed and rubbed and teased until your legs were shaking with need. Ecstasy swirled rampantly in your belly, growing tighter and tighter with each pass over your clit. It was hard to keep your eyes open but you refused to miss even a second of him. As you got closer and your little noises became harder to control, you could see the chain reaction it had on him, his hips bucking up into each movement as precum spilled over his fist. Oh, and his sounds, the quick smacking and heavy breathing felt like they were connected directly to your core.

“K-König, I’m close,” you warned him weakly.

“Scheiße, heilige scheiße,” he snarled, thighs going tense, “Ja, okay, hold it just a bit longer.”

A debauched whine filled the air and your brows furrowed in frustration. You’d never been good at delaying your climax, too focused on instant gratification, but there was no denying the way his command made your belly twist eagerly. Jesus, what was this man doing to you?

“I know, but I want you to come with me,” he grunted.

The heat was becoming too intense so you instinctively slowed your fingers down to ease the burn, only for him to snap at you to keep going.

“B-But I- please König,” you whimpered needily, “König, bitte, bitte, I-”

The reaction to his native language was immediate, body jolting so hard you nearly expected him to fall off his bed.

“I’m gonna count back from three. At one, I want you to let go, leibling, can you do that for me?” he panted out through moans.

With a little curse, you whined, “Yes, please just- Yes!”

“Drei…”

Fuck, he was doing it in German.

“Zwei…”

He fucking knew what that did to you.

“Eins… Now, now, Kleines!”

A cry of his name escaped in a breathless scream as your body nearly collapsed in on itself at his command, thighs shutting tight around your hand as rutted frantically into your hand. The pleasure coursing through your veins felt like it would drown you but it only got better when he followed suit. You watched in disbelief as ropes of cum shot out and covered his belly and hand, enamored by the way his cock twitched and throbbed as he squeezed out every last drop. Your name heavy on his lips brought that familiar heat back to your face.

“God, fuck,” you whined, jerking your hand away as the sensations became too strong.

A comfortable silence fell over you, only heavy pants breaking the quiet, until you felt rejuvenated enough to roll over and groan.

“Leibling?”

Picking up the phone, you turned it back to the front-facing camera and flashed him a little smile. His eyes were heavy and cheeks still flushed, lips quirked into a smirk as he ran a hand through his hair. How the fuck were you supposed to go the next four months without him?

“I have an embarrassing question,” you murmured after a moment.

He quirked a brow but replied, “Of course, maus, what is it?”

“Would- Would you be okay staying on call with me?” you asked before hastily adding, “Just til I fall asleep! I don’t wanna keep you too late.”

König’s expression turned into something soft.

“Of course but I’ll do better. We’ll stay on all night. Not as good as having you here but it’s better than being without you completely.”

…

“Again!”

Frustration broke through your lips in the form of an annoyed grunt as you punched the hand targets again; right, left, right. You narrowly missed getting hit in the face by the foam target when he swung it at you again. Unfortunately, between your exhaustion and poor balance, you collapsed to the floor with a yelp.

Max let out a honking laugh and you managed to open your eyes just enough to see him bent over, red-faced from laughter. What a jerk.

“Not funny,” you bit out coolly.

“On the contrary, I find it quite funny,” he retorted cheekily, “But, maybe this is a sign we need a break, aye?”

Lifting an eyebrow, you snapped back, “Ya think?! We’ve only been at this for like two hours!”

He shrugged his burly shoulders before settling down onto the ground next to you, handing over your water bottle as he drank from his own. It was a comfortable silence despite your panting, something you were grateful for. It was ironic, considering Max was filling in for Declan who was transferred out after some sketchy shit came up in his files. You couldn’t say you were upset by the change though. Max was the first soldier you’d been able to relatively get along with in months. There was something about his dry humor and easy-going nature that made him likable.

“Tomorrow it’ll be training at the range again. Wanna test you on more long-range options.”

You let your displeasure at the idea be known with the obnoxious long groan you released.

“I’m shit with long range! Just let me focus on getting better at what I’m good at,” you begged, turning to give him your best puppy dog eyes.

He simply stared you down with all the energy of a disappointed father.

“You won’t get good at it if you don’t practice.”

“… And?! I have gifted kid burnout syndrome,” you sighed, “All I want to do is what I’m already good at.”

If looks could kill, you were sure you’d be dead where you lay on the floor. You tossed him back an equally serious glare but within moments you both broke down into laughter.

“Shit, dude, you could kill with those eyes,” Max said, tossing his now-empty bottle aside, “What do ya say? Got ‘nother round in you or we packin’ it up?”

You took inventory of all your sore muscles and bruises before giving a little shrug.

“I’d prefer being able to walk at work tomorrow,” you retorted.

“Rest it is then,” he said as he got to his feet with a long groan.

Following suit, you snagged up your grey hoodie and released your hair from its messy ponytail, double-checking that you still had your phone before heading to the door.

“Hey, wait up a sec!” Max called before the door closed behind you.

You quickly caught it with your foot, trying to ignore the pain of the heavy door nearly crushing your littlest toe.

“Yeeess?”

“A couple of the guys and I are goin’ out to Seven’s tonight, that one bar on Cedar, if you wanna join us?” he asked.

Bile rose in your throat instantaneously as the memories of your last bar experience filled your thoughts- Daniel, the date rape drug, how König killed him in cold blood. Max was nice, respectful even; he hadn’t done anything yet that would make you suspect that he had more than a friendly interest in you, but after Daniel… any man besides König was a terrifying unknown. Apparently, the hesitation was clear on your face because he slapped a heavy hand down on your shoulder, drawing you out of your thoughts.

“No pressure, Y/L/N,” he assured you with a gentle squeeze, “It’d be nice to hang with you without kickin’ your ass though.”

That brought a small smile to your lips. Damn him for being a nice person.

“I appreciate that but, uh, I don’t know many people here that well and-”

“Hey, that’s okay! This’ll be a good chance ta get ta know everyone, and, hey, I’ll be there so you’ll know someone,” he said.

Swallowing hard, you tried to think of a polite way to turn him down but it was impossible with how kind he had been this past week. When your lips parted finally to say no, he lifted up a hand, silencing you instantly.

“If this is about bein’ with a bunch of guys alone, I swear that I’ll protect ya,” he assured you gently, “My mum would have my ass if she knew I didn’t protect a lady, and that’s not even countin’ what’ll happen when Graves gets ahold of me.”

He was making this fucking hard, way harder than it should be. While you were used to being alone, there was no denying how painful it got at times. Especially on the nights when you couldn’t call König and talk to him. Having actual friends might be a nice change of pace.

“You swear?” you asked weakly.

He made an ‘X’ across his heart and said, “Solemnly swear.”

Letting out a sigh, you shifted your jacket farther up your arm before giving him a single nod.

“The instant I don’t feel safe, we’re out, got it?”

“Absolutely! And if anyone gives you trouble, just point me in their direction and they won’t even be a problem. Just consider me your guard dog for the night, yea?”

After agreeing to meet up outside the entrance gates, you scurried back to your room with your thoughts going a million miles an hour. Could you really trust Max? What would happen if you got separated? Would the other soldiers behave? Anxiety whirled through your brain like a tornado, creating more chaos than usual, until you were dressed and checking your reflection. You knew better than to dress in anything too eye-catching this time, settling for a simple black long-sleeved shirt and loose jeans with your work tennis shoes. Even with Max around, shit could happen.

You pulled your hair up into a tidy bun before dragging out your phone and shooting a text to König. He was gone on a mission and didn’t have the ability to answer calls on a whim, but you wanted to keep him updated on your whereabouts… just in case.

‘Hey love! I just wanted to let you know I’m going out to the local bar with some of the guys. My trainer Max, the one I told you about the other day, invited me. He promises he’s going to be my guard dog so I should be safe but I am bringing my pepper spray and self-defense keys too just so you know. No need to worry about me! I’ll text you again once I’m home safe. XO’

Once the text showed as delivered, you turned your ringer all the way up and slid it into your pocket, taking a deep breath for courage before braving the outside. Hopefully, this would be a turning point, a way for you to make friends and have people you could trust again. You shut and locked your door behind you, double-checking it out of cautiousness, then trekked across the base to the meeting point.

There had to be at least twelve to fifteen people gathered outside of the gates when you arrived. Thankfully, there wasn’t a single face you recognized from Daniel’s friend group in the little mass and you let out a relieved sigh before sliding up to Max’s side.

“Hey there! Glad ta see ya made it. Ready to go boys?” Max asked everyone.

A few affirmatives were thrown around before everyone split into separate groups, piling into three different cars. The two that split off with you and Max were chivalrous enough to insist you take the front seat and quickly started up a conversation about Yu-Gi-Oh of all things. Max, surprisingly, joined right in and even tried to involve you in the conversation a few times. It was sweet. By the time you were pulling up at the curb by the bar, somehow the topic had changed to poker and bets on who at the company would have the best poker face.

“I swear, Commander Graves would beat everyone,” you shot back, closing the car door behind you, “Have you been on the wrong side of his wrath yet?!”

“Nah, see, because scary doesn’t equate to a good liar,” Max retorted, “But, if we’re counting outside groups we’ve teamed with, you should see Captain Price. That man has nerves of steel. There’s no way to figure out when he’s bluffing!”

“Oh shit, yeah, haven’t thought about him in a while,” Luke, the younger of the trio shouted.

The chaotic conversation was overpowered by the sound of music, pool tables, and laughter when Max held the door open for you. You quickly slid by and waited right inside, unwilling to chance going more than a few steps away from them.

“Sooo, table first or drinks?” Trevor asked, rocking back and forth on his heels as he looked around the busy bar.

“Drinks. It’s gonna take a hot minute to get anything with that crowd,” Luke replied.

Falling in step beside them, you kept as close to Max as possible, doing your best to ignore the anxiety creeping up in your throat as you tried to decide on a drink. You didn’t want to be a wet blanket but you also weren’t sure about allowing yourself to become inebriated either. Plus with the drugs last time, the idea of alcohol you didn’t pour from the bottle yourself was unappealing. Thankfully, you had a good amount of time to think about it. Luke was correct in his assessment of the crowd. It took almost twenty minutes just to flag the bartender down and order your drinks.

“What’cha gettin’?” Max asked loudly.

You could only shrug in response. Max was nothing but attentive and instantly leaned down to your ear.

“Guard dog, remember? You don’t have to drink but if you do, I’ve got your back!” he reassured you.

“What’s it gonna be, doll?” the young woman across the counter asked blandly.

Shooting him a look that told him exactly how much trust you were putting into him, you smiled timidly at Max then leaned closer to the bartender.

“Just a lemon drop shot and a water please!”

With that, she was gone, and the guys picked back up on their previous discussion concerning the Captain Price they had mentioned, and some guys named Soap, Gaz, and Ghost. Just what the fuck kind of people had those names? Surely that had to be callsigns… right? 'Ghost' fucked with your mind the most. You could only imagine what he had done to earn that name. But Soap? Soap made you giggle. Did anyone take a soldier with that name seriously? You didn’t think you would if you met him.

A few minutes later, you all had your drinks and were headed to a table out on the back patio. It was perfectly cool outside, just a slight chilly breeze blustering about and filling the air with that familiar autumn scent. It was finally starting to feel like October. You sat beside Max and twirled your shot glass in circles, letting your gaze trail over all the different groups outside in the meantime. By twos and threes, the rest of the original clan joined the nearby tables until you were nestled comfortably between them all. You tried to keep up with the conversation but moreso just enjoyed watching them. It was a big group but they all talked together seamlessly. There was no denying the comradery between them and it created a warm, welcoming, feeling in your chest.

Max nudged your arm, pulling your gaze up to him, and you found him staring down at you with one brow lifted.

“You’re okay, right?” he asked.

Flashing him an easy smile, you nodded and replied, “Yeah, I actually am. Hey, uh, thanks for inviting me out.”

He rolled his eyes and waved you off with a scoff, before muttering, “Stop actin’ like it was some act of charity. You may not realize it, but you’re a joy to be around… well, when you’re not bein’ a pain in my ass and tryin’ to shoot me in the foot.”

Eyes widening in disbelief, you backhanded his arm gently.

“That was one time! And it was an accident!” you squeaked, cheeks burning hot.

“Yeah, one time too many,” he snickered back, taking a swig of his beer.

Muttering under your breath about the lack of trust and loyalty he had, you swallowed back the last of your anxiety and finally took the shot in front of you, which was surprisingly delicious.

“If ya need to get up and go anywhere, let me know, I’ll go with ya,” he added after a moment, “I’m on duty til I get ya back to your room.”

You gave him a thankful nod and nursed your water, tuning back into the conversation around you when Luke yelled at Max to defend him.

“What’d I miss?”

“Tell them I’m not actually bad at Mario Kart!” Luke whined, “I lost to Dave once and now he swears he’s better than me at it.”

Yu-Gi-Oh? Mario Kart? How in the fuck were these goofballs the same intimidating soldiers you saw around the barracks?

When Max actually spoke up for Luke, it created a mass of chaos and debates on who was actually better and led to bets for future games. Maybe you’d be lucky enough to join them when they did. It’d been some time since you’d played on more than your Nintendo Switch.

…

“So you’re coming out next time too, right?” Max asked, leaning up against the wall by your door.

“I guess,” you replied with a shrug, “If you guys want me to?”

He narrowed his eyes and bit out, “Noooo. I was asking because I was hoping you’d stay far far away on your lonesome.”

You nudged his ribs gently, trying to quiet your laughter in hopes of not disturbing any of the sleeping soldiers in nearby rooms.

“Shut up. I’m just not used to it is all,” you sighed.

“Well, get used to it, brat. I’m officially naming myself your guard dog older brother,” he retorted, “Now, go get some sleep. Don’t need you dead on your feet at training tomorrow.”

At the reminder of his plans to torture you with sniper training, you deflated against your door with a whine.

“Are you serious?!”

He smirked, patting your shoulder in mock sympathy, before rising to his full height once more.

“Gotta do it, kid. Better to get it done now than have Graves’ on our asses about slacking.”

You couldn’t find fault in his logic but that didn’t mean you liked it any more than you had before. Shooting him an evil glower, you popped your door open and stepped in.

“Night, brat!”

“Yeah, yeah, good night,” you huffed as you slammed the door shut.

Without even bothering to change, you flopped down into your bed and unlocked your phone, checking your notifications. There were a few updates from your social media but the only thing you cared to see were the texts from König.

‘Have fun and be safe. Please make sure you text me once you get home.’ at nine.

‘Leibling? Are you home yet?’ at ten thirty.

‘If I don’t hear from you by 12, I’m not responsible for my actions.’ at eleven thirty.

It was eleven-fifty now. Shit! You weren’t sure what he could do from so far away but you didn’t want to test his capabilities, nor did you want to worry him further. Pulling up his number, you hit call and waited nervously.

“Scheiße! Ich habe mir Sorgen gemacht, Liebling!”

His voice was tense and you instantly felt wilted, guilt filling your chest heavily.

“I’m so sorry, love. I had my ringer on but I didn’t hear any of the texts over the music,” you apologized quickly, “I didn’t mean to worry you, I promise!”

“It’s fine. I’m just glad to hear you safe,” he sighed, “Did you have a good time?”

Lips quirking into a little smile, you replied, “Yeah, it was nice. Would have been better with you there though. Oh, and I think Max has adopted me as his little sister.”

“Little sister, hmm?”

“Yup! He stood guard for me all night. Didn’t let a single person approach me and waited outside the bathroom for me and everything. I don’t know how, but I think he has an idea that something happened in the past,” you explained, “That or he’s just a really good guard dog.”

“That better be all he is,” you heard him grumble softly.

“Calm down, big guy,” you reassured him gently, “Or do I need to remind you why you’re my one and only?”

That got a reaction. The grunt of your name sent your hair on end and pulled a sly smirk to your lips. Yeah, you’d be glad to take the time to show him that you still belonged only to him.

#könig #könig cod #könig x reader #cod smut #könig fanfiction #cod fanfic #könig smut

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romanarose · 4 months

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Life update if anyone cares.

I only post this bc i was posting my depressing shit for months and a lot of people were reaching out in concern <3

cw sever depression, self harm, suicide, csa, SA, all the bad. but also lots of good <3

TLDR: Despite a god-awful semester, i got all a's and b's

Everyone thats been following me the last few months has seem my personal posts about how fucking awful things have been for me.

I've dealt with fact I can no longer deny that what happened to me was CSA, despite being on a milder side of things. That sparked an absolutely spiral. I didnt sleep for months which made things worse. School, I got an F on a midterm and i NEVER get F's on writing assignments.

Work had its complications and i quit and then rescinded that quit two days later. I was so constantly depressed in my dorm my roommate literally told me i needed to go to the basketball game with them bc i was sitting in a depression hovel none stop. I only went to services twice this whole time, one shabbat and once for Rosh Hoshannah.

I burned the ever living fuck out of my fingers, yall remember that one? lol.

In novemeber i had relapsed so severely on self harm i thought i had accidentally killed myself. I should've called 911. I thought I was bleeding out and/or going into shock. I then worked myself up more by going down pages of the internet about medical shook and people dying from it. that did not help my heart rate. I couldn't stand, I couldnt see straight for a while.

I could not afford an ambulance or a hospital stay as i am uninsured and only ork 25 hours a week. not a lot of money.

All this happened and I didn't miss work. This is not a brag, this is me not being able to makegood choices for myself.

Finally, thanksgiving break hit. Thank fucking god. I WANTED to use those 4 days of absolutely nothing to get to my TWO BIG RESEARCH PAPERS I HADNT STRTED YET but alas, I was SICK. I was so sick, in fact, and so hoped up on cough medicine for 3 days i was incomprehensible.

I was so physically ill, i couldnt even think about how mentally ill i was. I slept and slept and slept. And by the time sunday hit, I felt so recharged.

My failed midterm was so bad and so not me my professsor reached out to me. Im close with him (in a v appropriate way lol, hes a bruce springsteen fan too) and i felt comfortable telling him essentially that for a few months there things were severe, and I really should've gone in for a 72 hour hold multiple times and i was not safe. through a few lines of resources, I ended up back in therapy bc my school added a new therapist that is a woman (i stopped going last year bc i didnt like seeing a man)

I like my new therapist.

Anway, in about 2 weeks I wrote 2 12 page research papers, 2 book report papers, 1 science paper did 2 presentations, took 2 finals, wrote 2 more finals with essay questions, and at the end of it all, not only did I not fail any classes...

I GOT ALL A'S AND B'S! Which means my gpa is still high enough to renew my scholarship for my last year

I am so fucking proud of myself for accomplishing all this despite suffering so fucking badly. I havnt felt pain like that in years, just agony.

I had a down turn again over christmas bc my siblings were literally ass, upto and including making fun of me for not ating (i am multiple accounts of sexual trauma from several people, so im scared of dating), making fun of my eating, and my sister slapping me and my older brother hitting me. Was a bad time. But for right now, im in the place im staying for break (all january) im back at my old day care and they love me, and olive garden at this store has been going great

Im hoping next semester to be better, im hopful at least

Anyway, thank you so much to everyone who has supported my writing has supported me through these times. It makes me happy that i came her to share my silly little moon knight x reader series, not really intending on writing a whole lot, but next thing i know, i have friends and a lil community. so thank you <3

#romana personal posts #cw suicide #cw self harm #cw csa #cw sa

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sungdonnie · 10 months

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I’m sorry • Lee felix

Angst pt.1 / pt.2

Summary - Felix comes home frustrated and he takes it out on the reader and he as to figure out how to make it up to the reader.

A/n: this is my first story,(what I’m saying is have mercy on me and my writing ) Part 2 will either come later on today or tomorrow. I will never be late to put up at pt2 or a continuation bc it annoys me when other ppl do it to. You can count on me to not leave you high and dry🙏

-use the comment section-if u want

-I hope y’all enjoy💗

-plz reblog

——————————————-——————-———-——

You were patiently waiting for Felix to get to your guys' shared home. You’ve texted and called but still no reply. Since you had nothing better to do You watched a drama on the couch. Which was a drama you had rewatched repeatedly. it was to the point where you could literally be an actor in it if you wanted to.

While you were watching your drama you hear keys jangling. You knew it was Felix because who else so it be. So you thought running to the door quickly to hug Felix when before he opens it would be a good idea. But you were wrong, when the door opened and you hugged He looked utterly disgusted to see you and your heart shattered into pieces. You have never seen this look of utter disgust from him or anyone matter of fact anyone. You and your negative thoughts never went well so you immediately thought something you do was wrong. make it even worse he shoved you and he has never done anything like that before so that left you shocked. Almost like you got scared.

But not to shocked for you to stand up for yourself. “Felix, what the fuck is with you today,” you said calm but stern trying to hide how broken you were inside from this little incident. Felix inhaled strongly before saying “ Y/n I don’t have time for your shit today, today is not the day.” “Or what you shove me harder?” You scoff. He looks at you with shocked eyes because he never want you to think that he would hurt you in that matter should’ve put his frustration on you. “No, Y/n don’t think like that, I didn’t even mean it like that I’m just frustrated from what happened at work,” he says softly. You stayed silent you wanted him what you were feeling. So when you walked passed him you shoved him the same way he did and slammed and locked you and Felix's shared room door.

You jumped on the bed and l layer in Felix’s spot in the king sized bed got under the covers and cried. You had the tv on following up with the fan so there was a 50 percent chance he couldn’t hear you. You knew would feel better in the morning after you talked it out and everything but it still hurt you. You later got tired of crying and fell asleep with puffy eyes.

Felix on the other hand was sick with himself he couldn’t even think of why he would do that to the person he loved. He was thinking about how he would make it up to you. Then this perfect idea came into his mind.

END of pt.1

-———

A/N: thank you for staying until the end. Plz tell me how you like the story. PLZ DONT COPY Work🙏

Plz follow and like

But sorry if there any grammar mistakes or any mistakes plz point it out In the comments.

#felix x reader #Lee Felix #stray kids #lee felix series #silent cry #skz angst #felix angst #txt #seo changbin #lee know #jeongin #seugmin #hyunjin #stray kids jisung #bang chan

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moowithmidnight · 16 days

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Just finished the Ian Doyle storyline (+half of S7) and omfg it’s my favorite thing ever I think. So obsessed with Emily’s own stupid brand of self-sacrifice- I love her so much. She was so ready to cut ties with the team forever and she thought they’d literally be fine as if they wouldn’t go to the ends of the earth to find her. They got suspended because of her, they were going to be fired because of their love for her. Like I’m gonna be sick.

Anyways, some things we reallllly skipped over:

1. How long Emily must’ve been undercover if she gained Ian’s trust in a way he literally admits no one else has (told her about Declan)

Like it must’ve been a really long time, and the way Tsia is so confident that making her repeat “Lauren Reynolds is dead” will soothe some of her anxiety makes me thing that Reid’s assessment of the phrase as a mantra is 10000% accurate. It must’ve genuinely fucked with her for a while, especially bc she must’ve been kind of young still.

2. The fact that Ian branded her- oh my lord. Like I know it’s been 7 months from her perspective, but nothing?? Wild to me, I’m sorry- there’s no way in hell that wasn’t extremely traumatic, ESPECIALLY when she was in Paris. Knowing he was out there still, seeing that mark every single day, after he murdered her?? French therapists would’ve been having a field day. And Ik she has a huge ass scar on her stomach too, but being scarred and being branded are wildly different things. Scarring doesn’t imply ownership the way being branded does.

Although headcanon: after Ian died and Emily settled back into the team, her perspective on the clover slowly shifted into the same sort of “I won before you ever got out of North Korea” mentality. Like, “this is the only thing that will ever remind me of you, because you’re gone and I’m still here.”

3. The way that, when he found out she was gone, Reid so so earnestly asked “why wouldn’t she tell us? we’re family, we could help.” OH MY GODDD. Sick and twisted, the whole thing was so sick and twistedddd

4. She kept the ring- she kept the ring and they found it and not a single person asked her about that!!!!

#I just needed a moment to rant #I haven’t found a good fic about the after effects of Doyle that I love :(#criminal minds #emily prentiss #ian doyle

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mostlymaudlin · 6 months

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Twenty Questions for Fic Writers 💫

thank you @decaflondonfog for the tag !! ill tag @sillyunicorn @starwarned @urban-sith @tea-brigade

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

98!! (woah) plus an unrevealed t&n fest fic, so 99. wow i need to do something rly crazy for 100 lol. what if i do a ridiculous crossover of all my fandoms and everyone in the fandom tags will hate me.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

544,914. (again. woagh)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

mostly all for the game and simon snow series, have dabbled in & posted even less for check please, captain america, and one direction! i feel like i’m missing something but regardless my fixations are hardcore, so all except like 4k of that posted wc is for either aftg or ss hahahha

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

all are andreil! boyfriend privileges (4k, T) / Trigger (62k, E) / flashes of intimacy (10k, t) / Would you still love me if I was a worm? (6k, T) / Inside Thoughts (1k,T)

man this is long, rest is going under the cut lol

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

not very often, but i wish i did. i am stricken with a combination of being really awkward when people are nice to me & being bad at interacting with anyone in ways i fear could be perceived as ingenuine. im not sure if that makes sense LMAO. and sometimes when i put a story out, i kind of feel like i’ve said my piece — i’ve put so much into it that i don’t really know what else to say!

anyway, i always reply to questions, because that’s got clear social boundaries hahaha, and i DO love talking abt my stories!! and sometimes i’ll reply to comments that really get me thinking. but yeah, i know i reply less than i could, and i want to like double down on the fact that i am endlessly grateful for everyone who has ever left a comment on my work <3

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i have killed simon snow twice lmfao. i’d actually classify icarus as rather hopeful — it’s about grief & healing. but legacies is just fucked up lmfao

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

oh man, i write a lot of happy endings haha. i feel like even when my story is tonally darker (rare), it still has a happy or at least hopeful ending. this is probably not the correct answer, but i think sing of the moon has a really vividly happy ending. like — the sun rises for the first time in the whole fic! amazing. or maybe my high school au, We Can Live Forever, which is just the happiest thing i’ve ever written.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not really, thankfully! people are smartasses sometimes but overall ive been lucky. there have been a couple of fics where ive winced before hitting post, but it usually ends up fine

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yessss. i guess i mostly write tender smut, bc i write tender things in general. i think my smut tends to be rather exploratory/playful as well? intentionally sloppy and awkward choreography hahaha

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

sort of LOL. once upon a time i was betaing @tea-brigade's medieval snowbaz au, Reliquary of an Arsonist, and there’s this part where three highway bandits mug simon and baz and then get blasted by simon’s chosen one magic. i am sick in the head so im in the google doc like “lol what if its kandreil.” and then i was like… what if it was kandreil….. and so i wrote Reliquary of a Bandit

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i don’t think so

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes!!! and i’m really thankful for everyone who has done so <3333 shoutout to russian aftg translators, yall go HARD

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

i recently collaborated with @thewholelemon on our episode of Star Trek: Redemption, Heart-Shaped Box. by which i mean: i wrote the outline & a few scenes, got really overwhelmed, and jenny turned it into something worth reading!

i also wrote Good Boy in the snowbaz stoner verse with @starwarned, which was rly fun — we sat in the google doc for like, 5 hours trading back and forth on POVs as we wrote pure porn together LOL. it’s funny to think about this, because lauren knows like everything abt me now but we did not know each other as well back then!!! and we were just like “yeah lets write porn together” hahahahha

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

right now it is deeefinitely andreil… they are everything to me for reasons i just cannot possibly be brief about LOL so ill just leave it at that

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i have a postcanon snowbaz time travel/time loop wip that i was going to try to write for COBB this year but i fucked up the deadlines then the brainrot was like “guess that means more andreil !”. i did SO MUCH research for it and i think it’s rather clever and smutty and fun bc they are yeeted back to watford era! but it’s also dealing with snowbaz, who are in their late 20s and are like in a relationship low point/actively fighting when they end up in the loop… so they are dealing with that tension at the same time as they are trying to get out of the loop. and also fucking around watford to fulfill fantasies HAHAHA

16. What are your writing strengths?

characterization is the thing i care most about! and i think that’s the draw of fanfic in particular to me — i love getting such a grasp on a character that i can translate them into endless situations while still making them feel true to self. i rarely let myself publish anything until i can read through the whole thing without any he would not fucking say that moments hahahha. this is of course pertaining to my own interpretations of the characters, which is the only thing i care abt lmfao

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

i rely a lot on body language because im always writing abt reticent fuckers who cant use their words. but i think i sometimes overcompensate, or describe actions that don't actually fit the scene. i've seen this described as "cheek-biting" -- like, throwing in action during a conversation just to delay the pacing/further the tone, but when you really look at it, it's not necessary. (cheek-biting being like, "character bites at their cheek" in the middle of a tense conversation)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i don’t really know any other languages! i think i’ve put a little bit of french in neil/kevin/baz POVs before, but my french knowledge is elementary at best. love the idea of it though.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

one direction babyyyyyyyy !! i wrote quite a bit of it in like 2012-2015 but published very little. there’s 1 on my ao3, some lost somewhere on fanfiction.net (i dont rmr my username lol), and tons in my folders from my old laptop lol.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

hmmmmm. im gonna cheat bc i cant pick a single favorite. i always say i think No Turning Back is some of my best writing from a craft standpoint, and it also includes my favorite type of conflict (andrew self-destructing lol). however, i reread both that fic & We Can Live Forever on a plane trip recently after not having touched either for 6+ months — and the solidness of We Can Live Forever actually surprised me, especially because i wrote the majority of that fic while i was stoned and also view it as just exceedingly silly. the world of it is just very rich, and also very very different from the typical character backstories, and i’m very proud of how much that reread played with my heartstrings.

ok last one — there are several installments of my flashes of intimacy series that i come back to a lot, because i’m proud of what they each accomplish in 500 words. especially because i often turn to those when im trying to express my own emotions lol. specifically, my favorites are picking fights, i don’t mind, swimming lessons, and practicing gratitude.

that was such a bullshit and cocky way to answer this lmfaooooo. but tbh i am my own biggest fan and that is by design — i write stuff so that i can reread it months later and have it be perfectly catered to my tastes. i love all my fics <3

#my writing

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sgnjimmy · 2 years

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✓𝙘𝙝𝙞𝙡𝙙𝙝𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙛𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙨 Part. 3

vinny hong x gn!reader

A/n: brain going brrrr w this. (and WTF is this anyways). i'm ignoring canon bc that shit hunts me every day, our man does not have a break, lemme tell u. fun fact i did this during class cuz who tf participes in PE??

A/n (2): for some reason i'm not feeling this so ignore any mistakes again. 🙏😭

Part. 1, Part. 2, Part. 4

"you were right, this is really good" you comment still chowing your food. after what he had said to you vinny told you to wait in a bench while he went buy the food for you both. now you two are sitting in the same park you had encounter him a few weeks ago. enjoying each other's presence, the feeling being oddly familiar.

"it's good to see you're still cycling" "it always made you feel better, from what i remember". little did you know it wasn't riding a bike that made him feel better, but you. you always hyped him up, and praised him, saying he looked cool and all. it never failed to make him happy. you never failed to make him happy. vinny feels his cheeks heating up thanks to those thoughts, he tries to hide it by lowering his head, hoping you wouldn't notice. it's been barley five minutes and you're already making him feel things, damn it. "fuck" he mumbles under his breath.

"vinny, you're okay?" "..hey, don't look down, it doesn't suits you" when you say this you softly reaches for his chin with your hand, making him look at you."there... much prettier" that damn smile again, vinny swears you're doing this on purpose, there's no other explanation. "yeah, y-yeah" "i'm good" he replies, missing your touch when you pull your hand away from him. "you sure? you're a little red." you ask concerned."no, yeah- i'm okay"

"...alright" "oh, right! so how's your mom doing?" he tenses up after hearing that. what's he supposed to say... that she's incredible sick and he's worried something bad could happen...? he doesn't want to think about it right now. "...she's sick" vinny get's visually uncomfortable talking about this so you pick it up fast enough."prefer not talk about it, right?". "yeah.." you hear him say.

"and how about that girl? is she your girlfriend?" you ask to try to change the subject "what...? NO no, she is not my girlfriend." "she's not..." he's looking at you so flustered you can't help but laugh. he's cute, you think. "haha, okay okay..." "hm, do you have a girlfriend or a partner?" you're ask picking at your food. "i- i don't, no..." his head falls once more, and the look you see on his face is kind of... sad? "hey hey don't worry about it!" "is okay if you don't date, or don't want to talk about it" he nods slowly but then suddenly looks at you "do you? do you have.... a partner?" he's staring at you with such a intense gaze, it makes you feel nervous. vinny seems genuinely so interested and curious so he waits for your answer. "eh, no- well, not currently..."

"ah..." "wait, but you did?!" vinny throws you off balance asking that, why so many questions? and about your dating life no less... he could just be curious about it, your inner voice tells you. you guys don't see each other since you were nine, your life charged since. is understandable him trying to catch up...

vinny's mind is running wild at the moment. you had dated?? with who? when? how? what...? i'm mean is true you were incredible, and still seems to be so. and holy shit you're gorgeous, really really gorgeous. he could imagine someone falling for you. he's just... he... he doesn't know how to call what's he's feeling. it bothers him to imagine you with someone. imaging you laughing so closely to someone, or going on late walks... he thinks, what if he was the one you call partner...?

wait, what is he thinking? god, no- no, stop. you're just his friend. his best friend or more like his ex best friend... anyhow, he shouldn't think those things about you. you're free to date whoever you want and do whatever you want... vinny can't help though, he wishes you'd choose to do those things with him. maybe you would... he stops himself from going any further in his thoughts. vinny knows better than that, those kind of things never work out for him, and besides... why would you ever choose him.

(no one asked for this sequel but, hey 😀... also i'm genuinely going w the flow, had to stop myself from making it longer.)

and for my vinny tag list (anyone who wants to join massage me or just lemme know, i'll add you): @vinnyshongf

#windbreaker #vinny hong #hummingbird #manhwa #vinny hong x reader #x reader #gn! reader #vinny x reader #vinny fanfiction #vinny hong fanfic #wb #windbreaker x reader #uchiha vinny #✓ sgnjimmy's works

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dissociacrip · 4 months

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i wanna punch anyone who says "just stay home" to people irt anything about disability or otherwise frames staying home most or all of the time as an easy, consequence-less existence in the throat. this includes mental disability, but i'm especially talking about physical disability here.

i am ambulatory and not bedbound or housebound and i won't claim that experience. i'm also (mostly) capable of living independently. but part of the reason i didn't understand i was physically disabled for so long is because i have, up until this point, spent most of my life at home and in bed unless i was in school. i didn't go out with friends on a regular basis and most of the long outings i've been on were when i was less sick (even though i was born disabled) or when i was too young to understand that what i was experiencing was - in fact - not normal and not how "healthy" and "functioning" bodies work. having to work, having to be much more physically active, is what has really highlighted that my body doesn't work properly to me.

so like, the only way that i can avoid pain and suffering is by being at home. in bed. doing nothing. i get physically worn out just from sitting up and folding my clothes.

and i'm fed up with it because now that i'm in a situation where i can actually go out and do things with people, where getting to go out and do these things is bringing to my attention that i am in fact a cripple with limited physical capacity, i'm realizing how fucking miserable it is to be home all the time. because before i didn't really have a point of comparison. when i don't get to see people and socialize for a while my mental problems start jacking up too. my boyfriend tells me that working from home is probably the most accessible option for me once i graduate, but i don't want to because being home all the time. fucking sucks. and while my current jobs are manual labor that makes me miserable in other ways due to my body not working correctly, at least it's an excuse to get out of the house and be around other people.

not being able to participate in society to the same extent as others, barring the fact that said participation does open up some more avenues to ableist violence in my experience (sometimes i ask myself what is even the point if society evidently doesn't WANT me participating in it), is miserable. being home all the time and not getting to experience what is conventionally framed as "real life" is miserable. being isolated and cut off from the world fucking sucks.

not to mention isolation makes some of us so much more vulnerable to certain forms of violence - e.g. being stuck with abusive family and caregivers. just look at how abuse/domestic violence spiked during the height of the pandemic.

and if it sucks for someone like me, imagine how it is for people who are housebound or bedbound. or who are avoiding being in public nowadays because COVID could kill them and most people and institutions have thrown all precautions for that to the wind. this isn't even going into the ways in which society physically bars us from the public thanks to inaccessibility.

i remember when the lockdown first happened and a bunch of abled people were talking about how miserable it was to be stuck inside all the time and 1. my immediate thought was "welcome to the fucking club, this has been my life for ages" bc i'm a bitter asshole and 2. i wonder how many of those people make any kind of active effort to make the public safer and more accommodating to disabled people, including masking, whether they know them personally or not, because while maybe they can return to a "normal" life, some of us have never gotten that chance in the first place, do not have that chance right now, and those things are inextricably linked to the way society is structured and the oftentimes the decisions abled people make in their everyday lives.

so stop telling immunocompromised and high-risk people that they should "just stay home" and also stop pretending people who spend most or all of their time at home due to disability reasons are lucky or privileged.

#j #ableism

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reversedumbrella · 2 months

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hello and happy birthday!! I wanted to thank you for your art, your comics always make me smile anytime I see them and I really love how expressive the faces you draw are! Your demon OC's are also very cool looking... would you like to tell something about them? do you make these for some story or just for fun? 👀

Hope you have a good day.. or night!

thank you!!

my demon oc's are just for fun! they belong to a series of stories "demonicismos" which i don't plan on ever writting. sometimes i don't even remember their stories! i always find myself revising these characters and changing stuff about them and how their world works. i haven't got the opportunity to infodump about these uys in years (actually counting for how long some of them have been around is making me sick)

im going to talk a lot about them. like. A LOT

checking the demonicismos tag on my blog led me to discover i have never really posted much about them, despite the fact that i made charater charts in 2020 or something (unavailable to me atm. most drawings of these characters are away from me rn)

nowadays i don't really care much about them. i've thought about doing a digital card game with them like south park: phone destroyer (yes i used to be into south park. im not ashamed of it. im using this example bc i really liked how a kid could only ever be in the battle field one side at the time. if your opponent played character A and you also had that one, you had to wait until they opponent's died. i also thought about playing around with character dinamics. if a character saw someone they hated join their team, they'd join the enemy team and vice-versa. i got distracted so i never started programming it)

currently im mostly trying to redesign the characters as an exercise for myself. these were the original concepts for egil (pink), marcel (orange/red) and antonio (yellow), versus more recently (i am unhappy in regards to marcel and antonio)

Design Rules

my ideas have changed over time and with them how characters should look. first there weren't any rules, i just drew whatever. then i choose that every demon should have horns and a tail even in human form - it would be a reminder of what they lost. they'd never be human again. then i went back and forth on how much demons could change their shape. it ended with all demons having a human form and a demon form, with some having specific shapeshifting habilities but always with horns and a tail (egil can stretch his limbs but mostly does so in order to be the tallest guy in the room) my last rule, added for this exercise, is that all demons always have their human face. the idea came from that undertale quote - "despite everything its still you" no matter what you do its still you. the good. the bad. you. demons can blame their behaviour on the "corruptive nature of hell" but its them

Basic Lore

i debated myself over wheter or not i'd talk indept about worldbuilding lore, which would triple this post's size. let's go through the basics. people die and become demons in hell. hell is divided into numbered layers and where someone goes after they die is judged according to the motto "nobody deserves to suffer". people that actively stopped others from suffering go to layer 1 and people that found joy in other's suffering go to 9. a demon belongs to a layer but can go to the ones below it, but not above (demons from 5 can go to 6,7,8,9 but not 4,3,2,1). demons are souls, and their physical bodies are made of mud transformed by that soul. i was inspired by some papers i read on witchcraft. demons couldn't manifets physical bodies so they'd trick people with smoke, gases and dust in the air a demon can only have one body at a time. if their arm is cut off 1) they reattach it or 2) a new one grows at the same pace the other turns back into mud. if the entire body is destroyed they reform from the mud in ground demons dont need to eat or sleep but feel hunger and sleepyness. hell is a punishement for their behaviour so layer 1 is ok, layer 9 is... not. money is also a thing. because this is hell

demons have powers based on personality and character flaws

a demon's size is based on their strength - how big their soul is - but their human form is the size of their human alive self. there are 3 ways for a soul to grow. 1) feel strong emotions, then rest and absorve those emotions. its important to rest. 2) cannibalism. eating other demons body part will give that part's strength 3) deals. a demon can share their power. deals are fast but demand consent. cannibalism is slow but nobody can stop it

Finally talking about the Characters

i don't remember very well the first story i made. it was about a boy that had another boy living in his head. and the boy in his head was really angry because he couldn't do anything and when he got extra angry things started to burn and melt around them

miguel (or michael or any other version of this name)... actually i just remembered i wanted to do this guy's story

Egil. his original design was based off angel dust from the hazbin hotel pilot and i don't think he has changed that much.

those blue branches on his head are the guy who killed him. there are ways to permanetly end a demon and after egil did that, the dude fused into his head. the pink arms and legs are rubber gloves/boots. he's a biologist, specialized in genetics. his house/layer is full of vats filled with unnatural stuff growing in there. he doesn't have friends, he's prone to anger and always has to be the smartest person in a room - this goes with his tendency to always be the tallest person in a room. his shapeshifting powers come from his unhappines with himself and inferiority complex. he used to love biology but now tries to gain knowledge just so he can know more than the people around him. he gets angry easily so he's an unpleasant person to be around so he doesn't have any friends so he convinces himself he doesn't need anyone and i hope im making sense here

antonio and marcel. father and son. marcel my baby. you deserve a redesign more than anything

back when the stories where set in an alternative earth with history similar to ours, antonio was an italian american. now i don't know. he went around killing fascists and made immortality magic so strong one of those "get rid of you permanetly" things just sent him to hell and is now lodge in his heart. he can remove the sword and use it as a weapon but his beating human heart is there and removing it will kill him permanently (unless you put the sword through another heart) in hell he had time to think and understood that he was only killing fascists to saciate his bloodthirst on people he deemed deserving of death. the true way of ending fascism is with good infrastructure and school system. killing fascists became an hobby

marcel... my sweet son marcel that deserves better colors. rules don't apply to him he can do whatever he wants and i'd let him. technically a cannibal

quick sketch of the sisters. i don't rememeber their names. i dont even remember if they had names. based on a bird and on a pupper/spider. cannibal vs deals

they're both very manipulative. the bird one, the older sister, always got the upper hand at home so the spider one let out her frustrations by manipulating and controlling people. the bird one can turn people to birds and control them if they hear her play her harp. this counts as cannibalism (slow and no consent needed). the spider one manipulates weaker demons into bellonging to her by deals. in their story they end up fighting each other as they scream their frustrations, coming to the conclusion that everything is their mother's fault (wrong)

barbara and barbara, one is based off a carnivorous plant and the other a bear

i had never thought of them as friends until i started the redesigns but now i kinda like the idea. they're both cannibals with my favourite being the plant one. in this drawing she's missing teeth on those big green jaws. she closes them with some guy inside and digests him

i have so many more characters but i've also been writting this the whole afternoon

#i really enjoyed getting to remember all of this #i don't think of these guys very often #so it was nice #xavier #demonicismos

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amazingmsme · 5 months

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I have so many spy things to sAy omfg-

#0 (Im writing the fic of Owen finding out abt Curt's weakness mwahaha)

#1 I need to figure out how to write a fic (or sm) where Owen is on the recieving end bc as much as i adore ticklish!Curt, Owen doesn't get enough tickles!! I cant think of a prompt for him other than for revenge- heLP–

#2 a quick hc i thought of in the car: Curt is BEGGING Barb to make him a tickle gadget of some sort he can use on Owen. Barb keeps saying no, but mainly because if/when she makes it she's def trying it out on Curt first.

And #3 it KILLS ME thst i can find Spies reloaded anywhere bc i know that a recording was made and put into the world, but i just cant find it. It kills me that i know curt and joey performed that tk scene so many times and ive only seen the one version of it pt on youtube. I just wanna see the toned-down spies!!

Alright thats it for now on me and my thoughts youre great🫶

AAAHHH I CAN’T WAIT TO READ IT!!! I’m so fucking starved for content, my ribs are showing! & I mean, revenge fics are always fun, but I totally understand wanting to have more to go off of! Maybe they’re on different sleep schedules because of time zones & Curt either wrecks him to tire him out enough to fall asleep, or wake him up so they can leave for their mission. I feel like for as reserved & out together as Owen is, if you mess with his sleep he turns into such a bitch, so tickles are a must to ensure a chipper mood!

LSVSAIZBANQ THAT’S SO CUTE OMGGG I LOVE THAT! Like he’s so sick & tired of Owen wrecking him when he leasts expects it & wants some well deserved revenge. Barb keeps telling him she has real work to do & can’t just make him a toy whenever he wants (“it’s NOT a toy Barb, it’s a serious interrogation tool!” “Mhm & why do you want it?” “So I can give Owen a taste of his own damn medicine” “sorry, no😌��)

P.S. yeah she plans to use it on Curt to test it out, but it goes deeper in that. She knows that once she gives it to him, he’s gonna have to test it out on HER & she knows from experience he’s an evil little shit who likes to bully her. So she has her reasons to be hesitant

Bruh don’t even get me STARTED on that! I wish I could’ve seen it so damn bad, I would literally give an arm & a leg to see it live! But holy shit I might actually die of embarrassment if I saw that scene in person, especially if they had a fucking feather like in the filmed version. Like just kill me now, but I will rewatch that scene to my heart’s content within my own home lol

In fact, it has been quite some time since I’ve seen it. Thanks for reminding me!

#asks #fruitee-goose #spies are forever #saf #saf headcanons #curtwen #curt mega #special agent curt mega #owen carvour #ticklish!owen #prompts #but this time I’M the one giving the prompt!

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questionablepastries · 7 months

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Wahoo I beat armored core (just now now!) thoughts below (and spoilers of course)

I can’t believe they made me fight an upgraded balteus lmao but what balteus wasn’t ready for was an upgraded ME 😈

Good game! Visually very very pretty to look at, mentally I’m clapping a lot at the credits rn lol

And the choices the game made me do lol aaaaaghhh. I almost considered putting the game down for the day when it asked me to betray carla. Same thing with eliminating G1 Michigan, only because I thought VIII Pater was my friend (turns out he’s sick in da head!! Scary guy. Really lives up to his AC name “dual nature” whew) less messed up arquebus members the better. In the end I went with ayre all the way but not because I like ayre but because of 2 things

1) carla she did try to kill me once (she made up for it by saving my ass out of prison tho)

2) (the more important reason why I sided with Ayres idea) — who knows what the ecosystem of the planet would be like with the complete removal of coral, not to mention coral is semi sentient so it’d be like super massacre if I went with Carla (and Walters) idea of destroying it all. ALSO, the destruction of the giant space ship crashing into that coral harvesting place, like what would life be like for the rubiconians? Even worse? Nobody has their interests in minds bc as far as they’re concerned they’re always caught in the middle of some corporation war, so if I sided with Carla it’d be adding fuel to that corporation war fire :(

Like ayre says at the end though, I’m sure we can avoid a fires of ibis situation 2.0 if we work really hard together. 621 is a human that didn’t lose their mind completely after contact with coral voices and maybe it has to do with the fact that they’re a fourth generation human (since the later generations worked out the kinks of not having to hear coral anymore)

Also. During the very sad heartbreaking (for me) killing carla mission, do u know how excited I was to beat the shit out of snail lmao

After reading that his augmentations were only perfected thanks to who knows how many innocent deaths, and his mind re-education shenanigans I’ve hated his ass since DAY ONE. Even IF he’s a sassy funny guy

Ok the ps just told me the trophy for this ending is called liberator of rubricon. Whatever ending that is lol idk what ppl are calling it

God I already miss Walter why’d they make me kill him too lol

ON THAT NOTE I MISS RUSTY I THINK WALTER MAY HAVE KILLED HIM. I’m gonna stick to anime rules for this one and that’s “no body seen no death” yup rusty is still out there (<- copium)

Oh wow ok I guess NG+ just starts like that huh, that’s ok w me I’ll do a NG+ run just to see the other endings, they better not make me actually kill rusty tho that’d break my heart more than it did to take out carla and chatty : (

Also pvp is fun but I’m ok at it lol I keep losing a ton but I’ve had a couple of close matches and won like 4 matches so far

Oh right about snail tho, back in the Carla mission? I was talking mad shit while fighting him like “I ALREADY BEAT YOUR DATA IN THE ARENA YOU THINK YOURE HOT SHIT??” that sorta thing. And u know how dissapointed I was that I didn’t kill him right then and there? His ass escaped that ass beating. Don’t matter tho I terminated his ass for good when he was riding that toddler ass upgraded baby chair balteus 2.0

Idk how from soft does it but they keep making these super super climatic boss fights and super fucking awesome attack patterns that are both visually appealing and difficult to evade/survive but when you do it’s like you’re really in the fight in that moment it’s awesome :) this happened with balteus, balteus 2 purple laser moment, and the fuckinnggggg icewormmmm, malenia elden ring comes to mind (alongside demon souls king of storm)

And I can’t believe they got me with the sekiro monkey “it’s not dead! It’s getting up again!” Moment too god damn that flying boss whew, sad the game wouldn’t let me use that boss’ sweet ass wings as a part to equip :(

Rusty really warmed up to me, initially I was a hater because his ass was always setting me up with these missions that always had an extra lil spice in them meant to kill me or set me up in some way (probably arquebus’ fault) but he…. Waghhhggg………”the first to join” ok cool….ty for being so eager to reunite with me rusty…I honestly thought he was dead after the ice worm mission….and the fucking line he says “there’s only one person who can keep up with me” with 621 in on the comm to listen in on….what are we…….(we’re buddies…)

Great game. And amazing cast of characters, like maybe it’s the voice acting that really nailed it but for me to care about a bunch of people (g1 Michigan…..) that you never actually see in game and only hear is wild lol

I do not care for ayre tho. I’m sorry I’m a hater, she always said some common sense stuff like “remember to dodge” baby we been on how many missions together now please. If she was a deep voiced lady I would’ve been on my hands and knees tho, and if she had a male voice I’d be even worse lol

Cortana ass!!!! Anyways cutest ayre moment was 621 and her watching these giant nuke missles hit a massive structure and she’s like (cutely) “they’re really like fireworks” & I had to laugh and be like we gotta get u some real fireworks ayre they don’t look like this gsvdvdvd

Right and do u know how much I was pogging when the fake raven or Rather the Real Raven showed up??? Damn what was that guys situation about and their handler too? Hmmmmm (dlc potential?)

Fun ass game! Slow start but momentum wise it keeps speeding up and then the end is like WHAM did ya like it and I gotta be like YEAH. I DID. Now I have the urge to play the other endings in ng+ since my AC is geared the fuck up to handle anything I feel like. Kinda wish the pacing at the start stayed the whole way as in slow pacing the entire game with the game letting me kill more shounen protagonist types lol (although that would mean killing ppl like Rusty hmmm my sadism for wanting more murder of naive protagonist types and love for rusty is like oil and water when it comes to that idea lol)

One complaint tho just one, the ost can be somewhat lacking. It has its moments tho!! There’s like 3 tracks that really kill it, and they’re at important moments too. Iceworm, balteus 2.0/snail showdown, and Carla fight are good. The rest went over my head tho sowwy

Now that I’ve achieved credits in this game im a certified armored core fan (even tho this is my first one) and I’m glad this game is getting attention! I really hope they release more AC games bc this kicked ass, maybe they can take a break before taking that on though, because every single mission is pretty breath taking visually, and MASSIVE in terms of sheer size sometimes like damn. Lots of love!

#armored core #armored core 6 #personal #this was fun!!!!!!!!!

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