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hstyleshoney · 4 years

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Stay With Me - part two

AU friends with benefits but things get complicated, like they always do

word count: around 8.5 K // angst, alcohol consumption, language, hints of sexual content

A/N: Wooow, I’m honestly soooo overwhelmed from the response on part one!! like thank you all so much!!!! I’m very nervous to post part 2 because I struggled with this part a lot more and I’ve edited over and over and I just don’t know.. I’m terrible at endings so I hope no one gets disappointed!! You’ve all been so nice so I really hope and want you enjoy part two as well! Happy reading! And pls do let me know what you thought about it bc I’m even more nervous this time around. Please be nice hehe

Enjoy! <3

PART 1 ♡

She never replied to Harry’s messages and nothing else really happened after that. The next few weeks went by in a bit of a haze and she didn’t see Harry except for one time when she stopped by Tom’s place with Louisa to pick up Lou’s purse that she had accidentally left there. They didn’t speak. She could barely look at him where he sat in the red armchair but when their eyes met for just a split second the evening of him kissing Cleo came flashing back to her. It was uncomfortable for everyone there and they didn't stay longer than necessary.

Then they were all just busy with exams and final projects and before anyone knew it was Christmas. She was going back home to Norwich and Harry was heading back home to Manchester. It was a nice pause from all the drama. Most of her Christmas break was spent playing cluedo with her brothers, helping her mother out in the kitchen and running away from her younger cousins. It was nice. It was fun. It was relaxing.

She didn’t think about Harry.

Not until she was on the coach back to London and she realized how badly she wanted to tell him about her neighbour's new puppy and how badly she wanted to tell him about the shitty movie she had watched with her dad because she knew he’d probably enjoy it.

And she realized that she did in fact miss him.

Then she got annoyed again. Because everything was fine between them and he just had to go on a date. A date with stupid Cleo who was so stupidly perfect and nice it was impossible to hate her.

Louisa kept trying to persuade her to talk to him because; “he’ll never know how you feel unless you say anything.”

But what was the point of telling him about her feelings when he had Cleo? If everyone else could see she was head over heels in love with him then why couldn't he see it himself? Why couldn’t he see the mess she turned into any time he was around? She refused to talk to him. She had made a mess of herself enough as it was already.

Besides, she hadn’t heard from him either so he had clearly made his choice and she wasn’t it.

Once back in London and back in her house with Lou, Beth and Aliyah she kind of forgot about him again. The girls all told her about their breaks and it was familiar and so calming. She felt just as much at home with them as she did going home to her actual family.

And no one asked about Harry so that was just a bonus.

On Friday the whole gang decided to meet up down at their favorite pub and once again she spent hours in front of her mirror preparing to see Harry again and trying to think of what to say if he was to come up to her. She was nervous. Almost as nervous as she was on her first day of uni and Louisa spent 30 minutes trying to calm her down.

It didn’t work.

The pub was packed when they arrived and they all ran into people they knew from their courses and caught up swiftly with everyone as they made their way through, trying to find the boys. Jax was the first one to spot them and leapt up to give them all a hug, spilling beer all over the floor as he moved.

Harry wasn’t with them though.

Not yet.

Him and Isaac were on their way Tom told them and her stomach was in knots as she sat there. She was waiting for him and she hated it. It frustrated her that he still had that effect on her despite everything that had happened the past few weeks. She knew the rest of them could see how much she was fidgeting in her seat but no one mentioned anything or asked her about it and for that she was thankful. It was embarrassing how everyone else seemed to know how she felt; everyone except Harry that is.

After a while the nerves got the better of her and she excused herself from the table. She wasn’t sure where she was going or what she was going to do; she just knew she couldn’t sit around waiting for Harry to show up.

So she walked over to the bar and sat down on her own for a while to collect her thoughts.

Around her the pub was loud. Everyone was laughing and having a good time catching up with their friends, sharing stories from their time off. The spirits were high but she was as low as ever. Having learned her lesson from the last time she drank while upset she decided to just order a coke and sipped at it slowly as she watched the people around the bar.

Time passed and slowly she felt a little bit better; almost ready to face the boy with curly hair who made her heart beat twice as fast. But someone approached her at the bar before she had the chance to move.

“What’s a pretty little lady like you doing all alone on a night like this?”

It was a guy. He winked at her as looked up at him and she had to stop herself from wrinkling her nose in disgust.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, you’re way too gorgeous to be sitting all alone,” he said and leant against the countertop with a small smirk. “Someone ought to keep you company.”

“I’m good thanks,” she replied and gave him a sarcastic smile.

“Aw, c’mon,” the guy continued. He was dressed in a white t-shirt that was way too tight for him and some gray jeans equally as tight; not a look she’d rate very high. He also smelled too much of what she guessed was his aftershave and he obviously had a few too many beers because even though he was standing a few feet away from her she could tell his breath stank from it. “I promise I’m great company. Let me buy you a drink.”

“I’m sure you are,” she told him and rolled her eyes at him. “But I’m fine on my own.”

“Sassy, I like it,” he said as he took a step closer to her. She frowned at him as he did. “If you let me buy you a drink I can assure you you’re gonna have the night of your life.”

“Like I said, I’m not interested.”

“C’mooon, it’ll be fun! Just one drink and I can show you-”

“She’s not interested.”

A warm, strong hand was suddenly on her waist and her whole body froze at his familiar touch.

The guy took a slight step back as he saw Harry behind her. He was standing close to her. His chest pressed into her side. It was almost too close and she was too scared to turn around and look at him. But she knew it was him. She’d never mistake that voice or that touch.

“And who are you?” the guy asked and crossed his arms across his chest and she was sure his t-shirt was about to burst at the seams from how tight it looked.

“Doesn’t matter,” Harry replied firmly, his fingers digging into her waist slightly as he spoke. “She’s not interested, so back off.”

“Look, I dunno who you think you are-”

“Mate, just fuck off,” Harry interrupted him, already fed up. His voice was loud across the bar and it captured the interest of a few bystanders who turned their heads to look at the three of them. She blushed as they did but Harry didn't move. He stayed close to her, hand firm on her waist. The guy in front of her muttered something under his breath before finally leaving.

Then it was just the two of them. “You okay?”

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“It looked like he was bothering you so... “ Harry said awkwardly and moved so he was standing in the same spot the guy was in just moments ago. She still couldn’t find it in her to look at him and kept her gaze on the drink in front of her. For some reason she was annoyed and it was hard to pinpoint exactly what was triggering her but one thing was certain; her emotions were running wild. She hadn’t seen him for weeks and then there he was. Just like that.

“Yeah, well, I can take care of myself.”

“I know you can,” he replied quickly and tilted his head to get a better look of her. “I just wanted to help. I care about you.”

“You care about me?” she scoffed. “Sure.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing.”

“Hey,” he said and reached out to touch her arm. “Can you look at me?”

And she couldn’t. She really couldn’t. It was just too much. It felt like her head was about to explode from everything she was feeling. She was happy to be near him again. She was upset. She was angry. She was nervous.

And mostly she was so aware of his hand on her arm. It was burning almost.

“Why?” was all she managed to say.

“Because I’d quite like to look at you when I’m talking to you” he revealed and gently squeezed her arm. “You’ve been avoiding me. Why?”

It was at that moment something inside her shifted. She turned to look at him and pushed his hand off her simultaneously. Harry frowned.

“Are you being serious?” she hissed. She felt dizzy for a moment and all she wanted to do was to scream out in frustration. How could he be so dumb? How did everyone else figure out why she was upset besides him?

“I- yeah. Are you mad at me?”

She had to close her eyes for a second and took a deep breath to stop herself from losing it completely. All she wanted to do was to tell him that she was in fact mad. Fuming even. But there were people around the bar, around them, still watching and she did not want to give them more of a show than they already had. Harry kept his eyes on her though and didn't seem to care that they were in the middle of a full packed pub and she couldn't help but notice how tired he looked. He had dark circles under his eyes and his curls were dull and fell flat around his face and he also had a stubble longer than she had ever seen him with before.

And if she hadn't been so annoyed with him she would’ve worried something had happened and she certainly never would’ve said what she said next.

“Fuck you Harry.”

She didn’t stay around long enough though to find out how he reacted. Instead she turned her back to him and jumped off the barstol and marched right out of the pub without looking back. It was unclear exactly what had made her speak to him like that. It wasn’t like her to tell people to fuck themselves. Especially Harry.

It was far from what she had rehearsed in her mirror before they went out.

And it wasn’t until a strong hand grabbed her and she was face to face with him again that she realized he had followed her.

“What the fuck was that?”

She pulled her hand out of his grip and crossed her arms over her chest. It was colder outside than she remembered and in her hurry to leave the pub her coat and scarf was left behind. She felt stupid standing there infront of him only in her blouse and ripped jeans, but she couldn’t really think straight and all she wanted to do was to get away from him; which was a first.

Harry on the other hand didn’t look like he was freezing one bit in his much thicker jumper. Instead he looked quite irritated with her as well; which was also a first.

“What?” she snapped and Harry exhaled deeply.

“What’s going on with you?” He asked and she had to stop herself from rolling her eyes. The logical part of her knew she was being dramatic but something inside her had sparked. Something she wasn’t used to feeling when it came to Harry but it was too late to stop it all from coming out now. The way he was acting so inconsiderate about everything that was going on, like he had no idea as to why she could possibly be upset with him, stirred an anger in her that she had held back for too long now. How could he not know by now?

“What’s wrong with me?” she snickered. “No Harry, what’s wrong with you?”

Harry’s eyes widened and he faltered slightly as he stood before her. It just made her blood boil even more; because he really had no idea why she was upset with him. A part of her wanted to march off again but another part of her remembered Louisa's words to just tell him how she felt.

So she stayed.

“Are you mad at me?” Harry asked again. This time he was more hesitant as he spoke, almost as if he didn't want to find out the answer. And now she didn't even try to stop herself and rolled her eyes at him. What a stupid question. He looked at her with careful eyes and had this been any other time she would’ve swooned over how perfectly the green in his eyes matched his lilac jumper. But now she was just too worked up to care. She didn’t even pay attention to the people going in and out of the pub who looked over at the two of them with curious eyes.

“Yes!” She practically screamed at him.

It wasn’t like her to behave like this; to argue and shout at someone. She felt stupid almost for how good it felt to finally say it outloud and to admit it not only to herself but to Harry as well. She was in fact, underneath all of the sadness, actually angry and it was nice to finally have an outlet for all her feelings. It had all been locked up inside her for too long now. Harry looked at her with narrowed eyes.

Perhaps she was being unreasonable; having an argument with him in the middle of the street, in front of a pub of all places, but she couldn’t help it. She’d most likely regret it in the morning, because she was usually avoided conflicts as much as she could since it gave her a lot of anxiety just thinking about it, but at that moment it felt too good to stop. It was liberating.

“Is this about Cleo?”

Her heart almost stopped beating then; hearing the name leave his lips made her completely lose her train of thought and suddenly, in just seconds, the sadness in her chest was so present again and the anger faltered for just a moment. It hurt to hear her name. Cleo. The girl who was everything she wasn’t. It took everything in her to stop herself from falling apart right there and then. Especially with the way he looked at her. His eyes pierced right through her soul.

But she couldn’t turn back now, so she took a breath to gather herself again.

“Yeah, it is,” she admitted.

Harry breathed in deeply and his jaw tightened as he looked up at the dark sky, collecting his own thoughts.

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

She laughed and dragged a hand through her hair in frustration.

“What was I supposed to say Harry? Tell you to not go on a date!?”

“If that’s how you felt, then yeah, you should’ve,” he responded and his voice matched hers. Harsh and taut. It was obvious her attitude had sparked something in him as well now. “Instead of biting my head off.”

“Oh, well at least I’m not the one who literally jumped from one girl’s bed to another!” It was a low shot and she knew it. A small part of her regretted it straight away but an even bigger part of her felt relieved. Relieved to finally be able to put into words everything she had felt for weeks.

“Wow, really?” Harry replied and scowled. She nodded. “You told me it was okay.”

“Yeah well,” she started and had to take her eyes off him for a second. It was overwhelming confessing to him how she actually felt about him dating someone else. Overwhelming to see him so tense and worked up. Overwhelming having an actual argument with him. Everything she felt was overwhelming; but there really was no going back now. “I guess I lied.”

“You lied?”

“Yeah.”

“You should’ve told me that and I wouldn’t ha-”

“You wouldn’t what?” she cut him off. “You left me behind like I meant nothing Harry! How do you think that makes me feel? You obviously didn’t feel the same way about it so what was I supposed to do? You wanted to go on a date and I had no right to stop you, that’s fine, whatever, it is what it is. But you didn’t have to be a dick about it.”

“When was I a fucking dick about it?”

“You literally forgot I existed after you met her.”

“I never forgot about you. I’ve tried to talk you. You’re the one who didn’t want to see me when I came over!”

She raised her hand and pointed directly at him, ready to give him another piece of her mind. Her body was shaking with emotions while her chest tightened and cheeks flushed red in anger. Her tears were dangerously close to falling at any second and she opened her mouth to speak.

Only to have nothing come out; because he was right.

He had tried.

And she didn’t know how to respond to that.

She was at a loss for words and slowly the feeling of shame and regret washed over her. She felt stupid and the way Harry looked at her now made her want to disappear. Harry dating Cleo had affected her in more ways than she ever thought it would. It hurt. It hurt so much.

It did however not give her the right to behave like this and tell him to go fuck himself. They were always just friends.They were never even close to being exclusive. She had no excuses. He didn’t owe her anything. She was never his type. She always knew that. Harry was never truly hers.

And she was lucky, because in the very same moment her tears rolled down her cheeks the door to the pub opened.

It was Louisa; who very hesitantly stepped outside to join them, and as Harry looked over at their new company she used those few seconds to quickly wipe away the small tears before he could see she was crying.

“Is everything alright out here?” Louisa wondered and looked between the two of them slowly; as if she knew exactly what was happening.

“Actually-”

“Yeah, everything is fine!” She interrupted him quickly once more before he got the chance to say anything about it and flashed Louisa a fake smile which she knew Louisa saw right through. Harry turned his attention back to her, jaw clenched shut with a look in his eyes she couldn’t really figure out. “I’m just heading home. I don’t feel too well.”

“You left your coat,” Louisa said and gestured to the beige coat in her arms.

“Oh, did I? Silly me.” She tried to laugh it off but more tears were dangerously close to falling and all she wanted to do was to get away from Harry before they did.

“Do you want me to come with you?” Louisa asked and looked at her knowingly. All she could do was nod because she didn’t trust her own voice to carry her anymore. She was too close to breaking.

And just like that Louisa linked her arms beneath hers, whispered a soft goodbye to Harry and they were on their way back home. She on the other hand didn’t say a single thing as they left and kept her eyes on the ground. She didn’t dare to look at him and her tears spilled over the second her back was turned to him and she leaned into Louisa. Her body felt so heavy and with every step she took she worried she might just fall over from how much her heart ached.

It took them a little awhile to get home but once they did Louisa made her a cup of tea and they sat down together in the living room. She felt empty. Everything she had felt earlier; the nervousness, the anger, the frustration, the sadness... it was all gone now. There was just nothing.

Louisa tried to talk to her a few times, but quickly figured that it was better to just leave her be for the time being. They sat together though and watched whatever random show it was that was on the television in stillness. She couldn’t take anything in. Nothing was registering in her head. Her mind was blank, with one exception. Harry.

She had never intended to get in a fight with him. She couldn’t stop replaying the fight in her head. Everything she had told him was how she felt, there was no denying that, but she wished she could’ve said it a bit nicer and not been so hostile towards him. Because it didn’t help the situation. Nothing was going to get better by shouting at each other. It was just so pointless the whole thing. She had exploded and she wasn’t proud of it. It was far from how she had imagined seeing Harry again would go.

Sure there wasn’t a version in her head that ended up with him wanting her again but never did she think she’d end up storming off the way she had. She had at least hoped that she would be able to be in the same room as him again after tonight but now she wasn’t so sure she ever would be.

She was incredibly grateful Louisa had come out when she did and stopped the argument before it turned uglier. She never would’ve made it home without her help.

But there was one thing that did in fact alarm her about Louisa's disruption and that was the fact that Louisa was ready to leave the second she stepped outside.

Which could only mean one thing - they had all witnessed the fight from the inside.

The fact that all their friends had seen and knew that something had happened between the two of them was more embarrassing to her than all the strangers that had seen and passed them on the street. Their friends had all seen her lose control over her emotions and it made her incredibly uncomfortable knowing they had. She didn’t know how she would ever be able to face them all again without wanting to sink through the floor.

It didn’t take very long until she had to see two of them though. Beth and Aliyah came home barely an hour after her and Louisa. They didn’t say anything about the argument at first. They just got themselves a cup of tea and joined them on the sofa.

It was Beth who eventually broke the silence when the end credits of the show they were watching came on.

“How are you?” she asked.

She didn’t reply at first. There were no words good enough to describe how she was feeling and she wasn’t even sure exactly what she was feeling; so she stayed silent and kept her eyes on the television.

“You can talk to us, you know that right?” Louisa said softly. “We’re here for you.”

“Yeah, Harry is the one being a twat,” Aliyah chimed in.

“Aliyah” Beth groaned.

“What? It’s true!”

It was exactly at that moment she broke her silence and let out a laugh. A laugh that little by little turned into a sob. Her three friends were all quick to her side and embraced her in the best way they could.

And then she told them everything.

About how Harry had first ended up in her bed, how she first thought she had her feelings under control, how he always left jumpers out for her to wear in the morning, how much it hurt her when he told her about the date with Cleo, how much she had missed him during Christmas, how he had stepped in during her encounter with the guy at the bar, how she had told him to go fuck himself and everything else that was said between them before Louisa exited the pub.

“One thing I don’t understand is how Harry missed all of this,” Beth said when she was finished and handed her a new fresh tissue to wipe her tears away. “He’s always so observant about everything that's going on around him and considerate, like I just don’t get it. We all thought he liked you.”

“He’s a fuckboy in disguise, that’s why,” Aliyah fumed and got another dirty look from Beth. “Ugh, c’mon, he is. It’s a shitty thing to do to.”

“He did look quite miserable when he came back inside.”

“Has he even apologized?”

“I don’t blame him,” she spoke quietly and interrupted her two friends. “Cleo is gorgeous.”

“So are you.”

“Not like her,” she sighed and looked down at her hands.

After Harry had stayed over at her place for the first time she couldn’t believe a guy like him even wanted to be with a girl like her. She thought he was just being friendly before that because they were in the same group of friends. But every time she woke up next to him it became more and more real to her. Every time they went home together kept her daydreaming about a future she knew would never exist. She got addicted to his touch and a losing game of love.

Now she couldn’t help but feel like a fool for ever thinking he could be hers. She hurt herself more than anything for putting herself in that situation to begin with. Maybe if she had just stopped thinking about what it would’ve been like to introduce Harry to her mother she could’ve saved herself from this heartbreak.

Or maybe if she had listened to Louisa in the first place none of this would’ve happened and Harry would’ve just been a simple one-night stand. But she got lost in him as soon as she saw him even though she was nothing more than a friend to him.

She was simply put defenceless against him.

“Stop it. Anyone would be lucky to be with you. You’re amazing.”

“Yeah, there’s plenty of fish in the sea.”

Aliyah gasped.

“You should get back on Tinder!” she exclaimed excitedly with wide eyes. “Go on a date with some hottie and forget all about stupid Harold.”

“I don’t know if I’m really ready for that yet,” she replied sadly.

“That’s okay,” Louisa smiled. “There's no rush. You’ve got all the time in the world to meet someone.”

She tried to give her a weak smile in return but it was near impossible. She felt completely drained after the evening she’d had.

And yet when she crawled into bed later on she was wide awake. With every breath she took she felt her anxiety grow. She couldn’t relax. It was impossible to think about something else. Her mind kept wandering to Harry no matter how much she tried to stop it. Did he ever think of her? Had he ever imagined it was her when he was laying next to Cleo? Did he miss her? Or was she just someone to keep him company during the cold dark nights?

The girls had all told her the aching in her chest would get better but she didn’t want to wait for things to change. She wanted things to be like how they used to. She wanted her sheets to smell like him again. She wanted to feel him run his fingers down her back and have him curled up next to her. If anyone told her she could get anything she wanted in the world; her only answer would be him.

And then there was a soft gentle knock on her door that brought her back from the dark hole she was making for herself. Aliyah peaked in carefully.

“You asleep?”

“No. ”

“Can I come in?”

“Mhm” She nodded and Aliyah stepped in and closed the door behind her before coming over to her bed and sat down.

“Look, I kinda just wanted to apologize if I sounded harsh earlier. I didn’t mean to. It’s just…” Aliyah fidgeted with the ends of her sleeves and sighed. “I hate seeing my friends upset, you know? Especially over some stupid boy. I just want you to be happy because you deserve it more than most people I know and I’m sorry if I pushed the Tinder thing. I know I can come off as quite unsympathetic sometimes but I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or anything. I understand that it might be a bit too early. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t think you’re unsympathetic Aliyah,” she told her and for the first time that evening she managed to crack a small genuine smile. “I’m really glad I have you in my life. I don’t know what I’d do without you and I wish I could just put myself out there... I just don’t know how to.”

“You’ll figure it out eventually.”

“What if I don’t want to figure it out?”

“Well,” Aliyah started and scooted over to lay next to her. “No matter what happens or what you decide, you’ll always have us.”

Aliyah stayed in her room for the rest of the night and they talked about everything that didn’t involve Harry.

And with the help of her friend her mind got a small distraction and she eventually dozed off into a dreamworld where Harry had never gone on a date and still made her breakfast in the morning.

A week later she got tired of being so exhausted from going to sleep with such a heavy heart and decided it was time to stop feeling so sorry for herself. She had spent most of her week at home studying, throwing herself into her books more than ever before. She only left her house to go to her lectures and decided to not join the others down at the pub for quiz night.

She didn’t want to risk running into Harry.

However when her roommates came back home they told her Harry hadn’t showed up either and she could only think of one reason he hadn’t; he was with Cleo.

So with the help from her friends she set up a new profile on Tinder and started swiping. If he could move on then so could she. They spent the whole night reading and going through different guys profiles, swiping left and right. When her phone notified her later that she had a new message she threw her phone at Aliyah in panic who took over and stepped in without hesitation.

And that was how she ended up on a date.

His name was James.

She nearly had a nervous breakdown while she waited for him to show up; only for him to walk in looking like a model fresh off the runway. Her jaw almost dropped and she was a sweaty mess when he approached her and kissed her on her cheek. He was handsome. Almost too handsome; and he knew it.

But he was nice.

He was actually very nice, and polite. They had lots of things in common and there was never an awkward moment of silence between them. They talked all night about everything from what their favorite film was to silly stories about their childhood. She told him about how her brothers used to cover her in bubble wrap and use her as a human punch bag and how they were always punished for the mischief she got up to because their parents thought she was just too innocent and pure. Perks of being the youngest child and only girl she used to call it. She made him laugh and she felt proud. Confident even. He also made her laugh. He made her blush and he made her feel comfortable. The date was nice and it was exactly what she needed after everything that had happened.

There was absolutely nothing wrong with James. He didn’t have a single flaw.

... he just wasn’t Harry.

No matter how badly she wanted to like James her heart wouldn’t let her.

On the bus back home she felt guilty because James was such a nice guy and she had spent their whole date thinking about someone else. Harry was still so present in her heart and mind. She had compared the two of them all night. She couldn’t help herself. James didn’t have a single tattoo. He had shorter hair. It wasn’t curly. Not even wavy. He had a beard. Bright blue eyes. A different parfyme. A different accent. He didn’t wear any rings.

And all of it just made her realize how badly she wished it had been Harry. It was frustrating how easy he had just replaced her with Cleo while she couldn’t even go on one date with a perfectly good boy like James without thinking about his pretty curls and beautiful green eyes.

She was completely head over heels for Harry.

She sighed and leaned her head against the window of the bus and watched the small drops of water run down the glass. There was a light drizzle outside and it matched her mood quite nicely she thought and chuckled. Her life was just a big stupid cliche. If only she hadn’t been so scared from the start. If only she hadn’t suppressed her feelings for him for so long. If only she could’ve admitted how she felt earlier. Then maybe none of this would've happened. Maybe she would’ve had a chance.

She missed him.

That was the worst part. She missed being close to him; missed feeling his skin on hers.

But most of all she missed just talking to him.

Now they hadn’t spoken in months, except for the fight and she didn’t want to count that because it made her sick just thinking about it. The fight had made things worse and it was so stupid. If it wasn’t for the fight and the fact that she had a habit of avoiding her problems when it became too much they could’ve talked things through and at least had a chance to keep their original friendship. It would’ve hurt seeing him with Cleo but she was starting to feel like it was a lot worse not having him in her life at all.

And maybe it was the three pints of beer she had consumed during her date or the fact that James had made her feel a bit confident or maybe it was just the simple fact that she missed Harry that made her decide to go face her problems.

So instead of getting off the bus at her usual stop she waited three more before getting off.

And she ended up outside Harry’s building.

It wasn’t until after she had knocked on his door that she realized what a terrible idea this probably was. She didn’t even know if he was home. What if Cleo was there? What was she even supposed to say? She had no idea. Harry might not even want to see her.

Her head was spinning but it was nothing compared to how she felt when the door opened and Harry was standing in front of her.

“Hi” she breathed out. Harry’s eyes widened in surprise as he saw her.

“Hey?” he replied and she felt a little bit awkward standing there as he stared at her with a puzzled look across his face.

“Um, is this a bad time?” She felt light-headed and her heart was beating so hard inside her chest it almost hurt. She was scared; because if he shut her out now she might just pass out on the floor right in front of him.

“No, no of course not,” he answered quickly and ran a hand through his hair in an attempt to flatten the wild curls on his head. He stepped a little to the side. “Do you wanna come inside?”

“Sure,” she nodded in relief. A tiny bit of hope sparked in her as he invited her inside; hope of what exactly she didn’t know but at least he hadn’t slammed the door in her face and that was always something. She followed him and felt her knees weaken as his familiar scent washed over her.

Isaac sat on the sofa and looked over at her in surprise as they passed. She nodded a shy ‘hello’ towards him and he greeted her back with a small wave. It wasn’t as hard as she had imagined it to be to see Isaac again after everything and it made her somewhat relaxed for what was to come.

Harry led her to his bedroom to get some privacy and she just couldn’t stop looking at him. She had spent all night wishing James was Harry and now here she was; standing right infront of him. He looked just as perfect as he always did. It took all of her willpower to stop herself from throwing herself over him. She wanted to feel his arms around her more than anything but she couldn’t and she had to stop imaging it because she was only making it harder for herself.

“What are you doing here?” He was the first one to break the silence. Her first instinct was to make up some story about how she was just randomly in the neighbourhood and lie about her reasons for knocking on his door so late. But lying wouldn’t make anything better and she had, for probably the first time ever, pushed herself to go face her troubles instead of going the other way.

She had simply come too far to lie now.

“I eh... ” she swallowed the big lump in her throat and took another deep breath, trying to calm herself down. “I came to apologize for how I behaved the other weekend.”

“You don’t have to apologize,” Harry said softly.

“I want to,” she insisted. They were both still standing, neither of them taking their eyes off the other. It was awkward and she had no idea what to say next. She hadn’t really thought it through. All she knew was that she didn’t want this to end in tears. She didn’t want to shout and storm off. She wanted closure.

Harry nodded slowly and waited for her to continue. He had the yellow jumper on. The one she had borrowed so many times before. It made her heart skip a beat. “It was unnecessary of me. It was just hard to come to terms with everything I suppose. I don’t know... It felt like you kinda just forgot about me.”

“I didn’t,” Harry assured her and took a step forward to come closer to her but stopped himself before he could reach her, uncertainty written all across his face. “I could never forget about you. I’m really sorry I made you feel like I did.”

“Do you like her?”

“What?”

“Cleo. Do you like her?”

Harry didn’t say anything. He just looked at her, taking in every inch of her and she felt her blood rush to her cheeks. Time was frozen and it was so quiet between the two of them. She could hear cars passing by on the street below them and how the light drizzle had shifted and was now pouring down. It was hard to breathe with him right there because she couldn't figure out whether he was happy to see her again or not.

And when Harry still didn’t say anything the panic inside her started rising and she felt like the biggest idiot in London for even asking such a thing. “I mean,” she started and had to clear her throat before continuing. Her voice was shaky as she spoke and she didn’t know where to look; because looking at Harry just wasn’t an option anymore. He made her too anxious. What a stupid idea. “I totally understand if you do. She’s obviously so beautiful and you two look really good together and like I always knew you didn’t like me in that way and that’s okay, because I’m not like Cleo. I know that she’s prettier than me. I just miss you, and us. I don’t know. This is weird I shouldn’t have come I’m sorry I should g-”

She never got the chance to finish her nervous rambling.

Because within a matter of seconds Harry had moved from where he was standing, cupped her face and pressed his lips to hers. It all happened so fast her mind didn’t get the chance to understand what had happened at first. She just stood there in shock.

But as she realized Harry was indeed kissing her she melted right into him. His lips were warm and rough against hers. Everything else faded away the second their lips met. She didn’t have time to think about whether she should even be kissing him or not. It just felt so familiar she could cry. Her hands quickly found his hips and pulled him even closer, wanting him as close to her as physically possible. Kissing Harry again was so arousing and she needed it. She needed all of it.

It started out as a small and innocent kiss but when neither of them made an attempt to pull away from each other it deepened. His lips moved with hers with eagerness and she couldn’t get enough. She wanted all of him and despite having kissed him many times before it was like nothing she had ever experienced. She had spent weeks dreaming about kissing him again but it was nothing compared to the real thing; to actually be kissing him again.

Harry pulled back for a second to breath but she pulled him back in just as fast. He laughed lightly as she did but she didn’t care if she came off as desperate. She was. She couldn’t get enough of him. Lust had taken over her completely.

Harry’s fingers slipped through her hair and he deepened the kiss further, and her stomach fluttered when he swiped his tongue across her lower lip. She inhaled sharply as their tongues met. Her whole body was on fire. Harry groaned into her mouth and moved his hand down to her hips. He had a tight grip on her as he pushed her backwards towards his bed.

She fell back and landed on the bed with a gasp. Harry stood before her breathing heavily. His lips damp and begging to be kissed again. She reached out to pull him down to join her, already missing his touch, but he stopped her.

“Are you okay with this?” he panted and looked down at her with concerned eyes. The tension around the room was high and hot. She couldn’t really think. She could hardly breathe. Everything felt like a dream. It was hard to grasp what was actually going on and how they had gotten to this point, but she was okay.

“Yeah,” she whispered and extended her hand towards him. Both of them were breathing heavily while staring at each other. Nothing else mattered in that moment. She forgot about everything that had happened as she tugged at his arm, wanting him to join her. “I just want you to stay with me” she whispered and it was the most vulnerable she had ever felt.

His body was warm on top of hers as he joined her on the bed. He gently brushed a strand of hair away from her face and leaned down and placed a light kiss on her cheek. Then her other cheek. A kiss on her forehead. On her nose. Her jaw. Her neck.

Before he reached her lips he pushed himself up and looked down at her.

“You’re so beautiful,” he breathed.

Then he reconnected their lips.

She sighed happily into him and let her hands explore his body. He kissed her gently and slowly, but she didn’t want him to be gentle, not now; not after missing his touch for so long. She rolled her hips against his and he groaned again. She felt high. Every touch from him gave her goosebumps. It had been too long.

Her fingers finally found their way in under his jumper and Harry’s kisses became more urgent and hot. His skin was so smooth under her fingertips and it was almost intimidating touching him again, yet it felt so right.

It was Harry’s top that came off first.

Then hers.

And then they were naked; moving together like it was the most natural thing in the world.

Skin to skin. Pressed tightly together. His hair tickled the side of her face as he moved over her and she left kisses anywhere she could reach. Desperate to feel all of him. A low moan came from him as she raised her hips to meet his.

And when her body later exploded in pleasure he held her close while she buried her face into his neck to muffle her cries.

They laid in silence after that. She rested her head on his bare chest as he stroked her back lightly. He pressed a lingering kiss on the top of her head and she didn’t really know what to say next. She had gone there hoping that they could move past everything and at least be friends. She never expected them to sleep together and now she didn't really know what to think of it.

Regret was slowly building up inside her because what if it didn’t mean anything to him? What if he still wanted Cleo? Maybe he still just saw her as a friend and just slept with her because he felt sorry for her.

But laying in Harry’s arms again felt like a dream and if it was the last time she got to do so she didn’t want to ruin it. She didn’t want to risk them arguing again; didn’t want him to tell her it was all a mistake. Not yet.

Instead she kept quiet, despite being even more confused about their situation than before. She was just too scared of what his answer to everything might be.

So she laid awake all night trying to come up with what to say to him once they woke up the next day and had yet another sleepless night, even with Harry right next to her.

Harry was gone when she woke up and her heart sunk a little when she noticed. She had managed to eventually get a few hours of sleep but she felt far from well rested, and it was disheartening to wake up and not find Harry next to her. She’s not sure what she expected. She had woken up alone in his bed many times before. Harry was an early riser and she just wasn’t. But now it just made the regret in her grow. She should’ve just gone home. It felt more and more like a mistake for every minute she stayed in his bed, and it was hard to find the motivation to get up and face reality.

His yellow jumper was folded and sat neatly at the end of the bed, almost like it was waiting for her. She couldn’t stop staring at it. She wanted to put it on more than anything and feel the soft fabric on her skin again; relish in his scent. It was so tempting, but she couldn’t. It didn’t feel appropriate.

She forced herself out of his bed and took a deep breath, trying to remember what her mom had taught her about mindfulness. She really should’ve read more of the books she had been given.

Her own clothes felt cold and stiff when she put them on. The warmth of the yellow jumper taunted her from it was sat and she tried to ignore the thought of just putting it on for a second.

Just breathe.

Harry was sat on the sofa when she found the courage to leave the safety of his bedroom. The flat was quiet and if she hadn’t seen him as soon as she stepped out she would’ve worried she was all alone. She tried to see if Isaac was anywhere near but couldn’t see him. It was just Harry, and he was too invested in the book he had in his lap to notice that she was approaching him.

It wasn’t until she sat down in the armchair opposite him that he realized she had actually gotten up and joined him.

“Oh, good morning,” Harry said and sat up a little straighter as soon as he saw her. He brushed off a few crumbs that was stuck on the front of his hoodie from breakfast in an attempt to look more presentable and put his book away.

A heavy silence settled over them almost straight away.

“Morning,” she replied quietly; wanting the awkwardness between the two of them to fade away. She nervously tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear and tried to ignore the nausea that clawed at her throat.

“Did you sleep well?” Harry asked and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He couldn’t really look at her as he spoke and it didn’t help her feel better about the situation.

“Not really,” she admitted. Harry frowned a little and her stomach was in knots as they just sat there. It was their first morning together that was so awkward, not even their first morning together had been this uncomfortable. It didn’t feel right.

“Can I get you anything? Tea?”

“No, thank you.”

They both knew they needed to talk. The tension in the room said it all. It was obvious. She just didn’t know where to start and she was still too afraid to learn about the reasons he kissed her. He could’ve just kissed her because he wanted their old arrangement again. Friends with benefits. Maybe that was all she was to him.

Her heart wouldn’t be able to take it.

Then out of nowhere she remembered Cleo. Harry was with Cleo. She had forgotten all about the stunning girl with perfekt skin as Harry kissed her last night. It made her feel sick now, sick and dirty. She also felt a little angry again because it wasn’t fair of Harry to kiss her and sleep with her when he had Cleo. “You never answered my question last night,” she said flatly.

“Huh?”

“You never answered my question,” she said again and this time she looked right into his eyes as she spoke. The confident that made her come over in first place sparked a little inside her again. She didn’t want Harry to be with her if he had someone else. It wasn’t the type of relationship she wanted with him.“Do you like Cleo?”

Harry looked up and met her eyes after that and she held her breath waiting for his answer. She didn’t know what she would to do if he said yes.

Harry took a deep breath and licked his lips.

“No. I don’t.” His eyes never left hers. “I haven’t seen her since before Christmas.”

“Oh.”

She could feel her heart in her throat. He hadn’t seen Cleo since before Christmas. That meant he wasn’t seeing her when they fought which also meant this mess could’ve been sorted weeks ago if she hadn’t lost her control. How fucking stupid. “Why didn’t you say anything earlier?”

“I didn’t think you wanted to talk to me. You seemed like you wanted some space, wasn't gonna force you to.” Harry was calm as he explained. His voice was still a little raspy from sleep and he looked so warm and soft were he sat opposite her in his hoodie and matching sweatpants. Her head was spinning.

There were so many things she wanted to bring up and now when she kew that he wasn’t with Cleo anymore everything changed. Harry didn’t have anyone and he had kissed her last night; he had done more things than just kiss her and it was scary to think that maybe he had just done it because he was lonely and wanted some company. Maybe he had just been with her because he wanted to continue their friends with benefits thing until he found a new Cleo.

Maybe he would leave her again.

And it was scary to think about losing him to someone else. She couldn’t go through that again.“I heard you went on a date yesterday,” Harry acknowledged and cleared his throat to get her attention. It snapped her out of her thoughts. “How was it?”

“It was good,” she confessed.

Harry’s jaw tightened and he nodded slowly, a sour expression on his face, and she was a little taken aback by it. Was he jealous? It was something she had never thought about before; Harry being jealous about her dating someone else.

She couldn’t help but feel a little pleased at how he reacted hearing about her date as he took a deep long breath through his nose. It was about time he got to hear about her dates rather than the other way around. But she also decided to not leave out the most important thing. “He wasn’t for me though.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” she confirmed and watched as Harry struggled to hold back a smile. It made her heart flutter and for once she didn’t feel so insecure about the situation she was in. “So, how come you broke things off with Cleo?”

She was still nervous though. The knots in her stomach were still there, along with a bunch of butterflies, and her fingers ached to reach out and touch him. It was close to impossible to not think ahead at this point but she tried her best, because she didn’t want to be left disappointed.

“She wasn’t for me,” he said. His eyes twinkled as he spoke and she noticed him shift in his seat again. This time she was the one who could’t hold back her smile.

Silence fell between them again but it was nowhere near as tense and uncomfortable as before. She knew her cheeks were flushed; she felt hot and light-headed. All she really wanted to do was scream out that she wanted him to be hers. She was tired of dancing around the subject and she wanted, needed, to know if he wanted her too. “I never should’ve dated Cleo,” Harry said and swallowed hard. She sat on the edge of her seat. “It was stupid, and the fact that you thought I forgot about you kills me. I could never forget about you. You’re too special to be forgotten"

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why was it stupid to date Cleo?”

“Doesn’t really seem fair to her when I’m in love with someone else.”

“Who?”

She had to ask. Her whole body trembled in anticipation and she was terrified despite having no real reason to be anymore. At least she hoped she didn’t. She didn’t want to be wrong.

“It’s you.”

And that was all it took for her to literally jump to her feet and throw herself over him. She accidentally knocked her nose into his going in for a kiss and it was sloppy and it was clumsy but she didn’t care. Not even a little. Neither did Harry.

Because at that moment nothing else mattered. Harry was in love with her. He wasn’t with Cleo; she wasn’t for him. He had told her so himself.

He was hers.

#harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fanfic #harry styles blurb #harry styles imagine #harry styles writing #harry #harry styles #harry styles concept #harry styles au #harry styles angst #harry styles fluff #harry styles smut #harry styles x you #hs #writing #harry fic #Harry Styles fic #stay with me #SWM

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zukoszukhoes · 3 years

Text

Things Unsaid- Mai/Ty Lee

This is an atla secret Santa gift for @tophbeifong . hope you enjoy!

summary: mai has liked ty lee for a long time. it’s not until ty lee gets a new girlfriend that mai decides it’s time to say something.

warnings: none

"Well? How was it?" Azula grinned wickedly.

"It was... wet. She was sort of crying.” Ty Lee answered sheepishly. “Lin has had a rough week.”

Azula snorted and exchanged looks with Zuko and me. "You'd think a bit of kissing would do her some good,"

"Well, you can't possibly imagine what she must be feeling right now," Zuko defended Lin with a small snort.

That makes two of us, I thought bitterly.

"She probably feels guilty for kissing Ty Lee, since she just broke up with Chan. Also, with the weight of our final exams and her mum being banished she has a lot going on right now!" Zuko explained, raising his eyebrows.

"You people and your feelings. It must be so crowded in your tiny brains." Azula sighed.

"Well, just because you have the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn't mean all of us do," I chimed in, cocking an eyebrow.

I met Ty Lee's eyes. She cracked a grin, and even though I didn't feel like it, I smiled back. Zuko joined in, and soon we were all laughing like it was all fine- which, to them, it was.

"Mai,"

I didn't respond.

"Mai!"

"What?" I jumped slightly, the voice disturbing me from my memory.

"Are you alright? Everyone else's left." Ty Lee remarked. It was true; the room was empty except for Ty Lee and me. Her face shone with concern and her hand vaguely reached for me, but she withdrew before her hand could touch my skin. My chest seemed to burn. For months, she’d been making me nervous- making my knee weak, making my throat close up, and making me wish more than anything that I could pull her close to me and never let go. I didn’t understand it; I didn’t feel anything. And yet, with Ty Lee… she made me feel everything.

I couldn't bear to look at her. I turned away, facing my reflection in a speckled mirror. "I'm fine," I replied curtly, squaring my jaw.

"You don't really seem fine," she frowned, her large brown eyes looking at me imploringly.

I glared at her, but it lacked my usual icy malice. “I’m always fine.”

"You know you can talk to me, Mai." Ty Lee moved to stand beside me, staring at me intently. I refused to turn my head to face her.

My chest tightened unbearably. It was pointless to tell her. She had Lin now- she didn’t need me. She didn’t want me.

“Just go away.” I said softly.

She looked at me for a few seconds more, then seemed to decide that I wasn't going to tell her anything. She walked away, and with each footstep echoing on the metal floor I couldn't help but want her more.

I wanted her to come back and make me talk. I wanted her to say that Lin meant nothing. I wanted her to say she cared about me. I wanted her.

Ty Lee's footsteps stopped briefly. "Mai... if you really don't want to talk then I guess I understand, but, just... just know I'm here for you. And I'm not going to judge you." She said softly.

I wrapped my arms around my chest, feeling small and selfish and hopeless. Honestly, the feeling was foreign. I was so used to pushing down the way I felt; now, everything was rushing forward uncontrollably. With Ty Lee, I just couldn’t seem to stop my emotions.

It made me want to throw up.

"I..." I cleared my throat uncomfortably. "I like someone."

"Really?” Ty Lee’s face broke out into a delighted smile. “Who is it?”

"I can’t really tell you." I started, choosing my words carefully so as not to reveal my true feelings. Ty Lee looked shocked, but said nothing. "They like someone else. It would ruin everything if I told them."

I glanced at the mirror. Ty Lee's confused face stared back. "Is it Zuko? Because he and Ami aren’t really that serious-”

My stomach lurched. “No!” I cried. “No, it’s not Zuko. Just... forget it," I muttered. "It's nothing. I'll forget about it soon."

Ty Lee put a hand on my shoulder and gently turned me to face her, though I kept my face hidden as much as I could.

"I don't really understand what's going on," She put her other hand on my other shoulder comfortingly. "But I want to help."

I couldn’t help but smile. Typical Ty Lee.

I took a few deep breaths, keeping my eyes trained on my reflection in the mirror. After a few moments, when I felt calm, I turned my head to face Ty Lee.

"Are you and Lin together?"

Ty Lee blanched. "What?"

"Do you like her? Really? Because it sounds like she just… well, kissed you."

Ty Lee's hands dropped to her sides. She looked conflicted. "Well... yeah, I guess," she admitted.

My heart sank like a stone in my chest. "Oh, well, I'm glad.” I forced my voice to sound unbothered. “I just wanted to make sure you didn’t have anything… or anyone… you know what I mean."

"I don't really know." Ty Lee gave me a confused but amused look. "Are you... are you asking if I like someone else?"

My cheeks flushed furiously. I shrugged, feigning nonchalance. “I guess so.”

I met Ty Lee's gaze once more, and was surprised to find she was just as red as I was.

"Well, I like Lin, but not really like… well, the way she likes me." Ty Lee confessed, averting her gaze from mine for the first time. She seemed… strangely uncomfortable.

I nodded. An awkward tension hung in the air.

"But, I did like someone else before... to be totally honest, when I imagined kissing a girl under the mistletoe it wasn't Lin," Ty Lee laughed awkwardly.

“Oh?” I raised an eyebrow.

Ty Lee cleared her throat and thought for a moment, as if steeling herself for what she was about to say, then continued with a sharp intake of air: "I never knew if she, the girl, liked me. There were times where I was almost sure, but I couldn't help but think that she was only interested in being my friend. I'd liked her for a while, and when I told her I'd kissed Lin it really seemed like she didn't feel the same. She seemed... fine, when she found out. So I guessed she really wasn't interested, even if I wished she was." She ended the sentence very quietly.

My eyes widened. "Ty Lee..."

Ty Lee smiled, taking my hand. "Everyone thinks it's Lin. Or Azula, or some other girl I don't even know. But it isn't them." She took a deep breath. "It's you."

I sucked in my breath. My head was swimming with rising happiness. "Ty Lee..."

"I couldn't have liked Lin, anyways.” Ty Lee grinned. “I have a hard time not thinking about you." Her smile faltered slightly. "Do you.. do you feel the same?"

I took a breath and met Ty Lee's eyes with a smile on my face. "You know that thing I wanted?" She nodded. I placed a hand on Ty Lee's cheek. "It was you."

Then, I leaned in, and the one thing I had wanted for so long had come to pass: Ty Lee's lips on mine.

Bonus playlist:

1. Honey- Kehlani

2. Sunny- Boney M

3. Sensitive- Serena Isioma

4. Oh, Maker- Janelle Monae

5. Freak- Doja Cat

Bonus song bc I think mai would like this song: BOYSHIT- Madison Beer

#mai x ty lee #ty lee #mai #mai lee #mailee #atla secret santa

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hey-hamlet · 4 years

Text

BNHA AU Ideas: True Might

Also on AO3!

TL;DR: Powers don't make the hero - passion does. Luckily for Izuku and Toshinori, this is something the quirkless have in droves.

AKA: All Might is a quirkless vigilante, One for All isn't a quirk that exists and 1A gets a whole 3-week buffer before villain's start kicking their face in as opposed to the 3 days of canon.

Basically: Quirkless!Vigilante!All Might and Quirkless!Successor!(gen ed) UA Student!Midoriya. It’s a riot.

Yagi is stupid strong, his only form in this AU is basically Muscle Form from canon, but he’s a little less ridiculously cut. Not quite chubby, but huggable. This is mostly because he A, isn’t a celebrity that needs to have a marketable image and B, he really likes carbs.

He’s not exactly a vigilante by choice, in his day and age quirkless kids weren’t permitted to apply to UA, either gen ed or heroics. When Nezu got the job, that all changed, but it was a solid decade too late for Yagi.

He’s admittedly a little bitter about it, but he refuses to do anything but his best. He might be a little snippier with Pros than he really needs to be but oh well.

Katsuki and Izuku are utterly enamoured with this crazy vigilante that just doesn’t lose, refuses to back down from a fight even when he’s outmatched, and somehow coming out victorious anyway, rescuing everyone. They have a tense relationship, but often find time to get together and just ramble about how cool All Might is, share theories and dissect his fights. It’s not uncommon for Katsuki to have been hurling abuse at Izuku during class, only to show up at his house after school with a backpack full of snacks and a notebook full of questions.

Izuku knows most of what Katsuki does is to keep his status in the school. If he showed pity to a dumb quirkless runt he’d be painted with the same brush. This doesn’t make what Katsuki has done right! Only Izuku doesn’t blame him because he’s way too forgiving.

Izuku is the smartest person Katsuki knows and vice versa – they are each other’s measuring stick. Katsuki shows Izuku bravery, Izuku shows Katsuki determination.

Episode 1 goes as it does but you see a real flash of regret when Katsuki tells Izuku to jump off a roof because they are kinda-sorta friends. Izuku looks so betrayed. We meet the slime villain like before, All Might saves Izuku and 100% doesn’t expect the kid to fanboy about him and ask for two autographs – one made out to a “Kacchan”.

“Can someone quirkless be a hero?” “The whole world will be against you. Most places won't even give you a shot – no matter how good you are. You’re better off picking something else.”

Izuku is crushed but he does understand. All Might leaves and Izuku trails off kinda hopelessly. He follows the sounds of explosions without meaning to.

It’s Katsuki! He’s dying! Like usual at this point lmao. Izuku rushes in much like canon, All Might shows up, pulls Katsuki free and slams a dumpster on the slime villains head before making a speedy getaway. The police rip into Izuku but Katsuki actually defends him. “You were doing fuck all while I fucking died – don’t knock the only asshole who tried.” Izuku quietly slips him the autograph before running off the scene. Katsuki cries because Izuku got that for him even after he was such a fucking bastard that day? He can’t bring himself to be a dick to Izuku again, even only for show.

All Might finds Izuku and he's like “Sorry I was an ass I was being a dick because I had low self-esteem – I’m quirkless. If you’ll have me I’ll make you into the best hero the world had ever seen

Izuku, obviously, says yes please!

Also, hypermobile Izuku with joint braces as support gear because just let me project please my arms are killing me ( I wrote this a while ago and yes. My arms are still killing me - yes even now). He gets them after All Might sees him miss a dodge because his ankles rolled beneath him. They support his joints beyond the normal range of strength, letting him do some crazy pivots and handsprings, making it easy to support all his weight on a single-arm with very little strain. They can also lock in place, lessening muscle fatigue if he needs to hold onto something for ages and preventing injury if he’s pushing against something. Produced by David and Melissa Shield and imported through Nighteye Heroics.

Is support gear illegal for civilians to own? Yes! But medical equipment isn’t so if you can just convince people its medical not support you can get away with a lot.

Yagi has no weapons himself, other than the random shit he picks up and swings at people, and has little support gear other than a communicator, panic button, and a whole lot of zip-ties.

Izuku should probably have weapons but I’m struggling to think of anything other than war fans because how cool would that look? Because Shonen they would also have the ability to create powerful downdrafts that would give a boost to a jump or dodge.

Probably doesn’t get them until later and needs to train with them.

In this AU, One for All isn’t a quirk. Rather, it’s a role, passed from quirkless person to quirkless person, the only people who can’t be hard countered by All for One. They tend to be vigilantes, crime lords or hero managers, doing their part to foil as much of All for One’s plans as they can, through whatever means necessary.

It’s a role with a pretty high fatality rate.

No one knows All Might is quirkless other than those close to him, they instead think he has a strength quirk. He’s the most prolific vigilante in Japan and is almost as much of a household name as canon All Might. More divisive though, with most people decrying his vigilante status when he could ‘easily make a respectable hero’. He’s also pretty brutal with his takedowns of some villains, leading a lot of people to call him an unregulated brute. Still more call him a villain which, legally he would be - were he using a quirk.

Nighteye is his contact in the heroics industry, gives him loads of inside info that’s typically not something he should be passing on. He’s still close with David Shield. Nighteye imports any costume parts he needs from David and leaves them at various pickup points for Yagi.

He went to college with David in America after Nana died; America having a quirk blind admission process helped - but he’d have gotten shit talked a lot if people didn’t just assume he had a strength quirk. Dude was and is crazy big.

David was one of the only people that knew he was quirkless

OH FOR FUN; Nighteye was also going to this American college and that’s where he met All Might. The three of them became the world’s strangest group of friends and may have lowkey done some slightly illegal vigilante work around the campus and surrounding town. They had a reputation for getting no sleep ever and being the most mismatched set of people

Secretly Smart Jock, Business Man with a Touch of E-boy, Science Hipster. They all tumbled into class together with varying levels of alive-ness. Nighteye and David were very much not morning people.

UA! It’s a ride. Izuku fails the practical but he’s not shocked – he was prepared for this.

He actually got like 30 hero points? But they refused to admit him on hero points alone due to his ‘deficiencies’. They don’t exactly tell Izuku this but Aizawa was there and he was furious.

Gets into 1C with Shinsou, Shinsou fuckin hates him on sight for reasons best known to him (It’s bc he was so god damned cheerful he just – assumed Izuku had a quirk. I love Shinsou but he’s more than a little judgemental). Izuku is like smiling through the pain because he just wanted to make a friend his age – Katsuki barely counts.

He sits with him at lunch and makes friends-ish with the hero kids who dragged Katsuki along, meets Ochaco again. She’s upset he didn’t get in – especially after he tells her he apparently got 30 points. The whole table gets mad on his behalf and hes embarrassed and happy.

Like day 2 he’s leaving gym and someone is like “Oh LMAO it’s Deku – he was in the year below me at Aldera. Only fuckin quirkless kid in the whole school; can’t believe he got into UA.” He turns to Izuku. “Who’s dick did you suck to get in you - ?” And Shinsou just decks him. He grabs Izuku – who is super confused fyi – and s p r i n t s. They have to stop after a while because hes having a panic attack and Shinsou doesn’t know what the fuck to do and he’s mad and upset and the sunshine boy is sobbing –

Aizawa shows up, having seen the (end of the) altercation and is ready to expel some gen ed kids he can’t legally expel – until he sees the two kids from the entrance exam he was interested in – including the quirkless kid who should have gotten in. Well he’s much more willing to hear them out.

100% requests expulsion on those 2 2E kids because that’s Discrimination and they should know better as second years. Nezu grants it because those 2 were di ck s

No USJ because no All Might – stuff like that will come,,, later : )

Sports Fest! Izuku and Shinsou kick ass, Aizawa is Watching. All Might may have gotten in as a crowd member with Nighteye and a visiting David and Melissa and they are cheering on their sun son. Also, Nighteye is going to go cheer on Mirio so he just got a pass to attend all 3 days of the sports festival. He’s just buying snacks on the second day because he’s never talked to one of the second years in his life.

Shinsou and Izuku make it to the tournament. Izuku has been training pretty seriously with All Might for a while now and hes a very good fighty boy. Makes it to the 3rd round of the tournament where he loses to Iida. Shinsou makes it second where he loses to Katsuki. Izuku is like “Iida might you be Ingenium’s brother or something?” “Yes, I am!” “OH MY GOD I LOVE INGENIUM ISN’T HE THE COOLEST” “YES MY BROTHER IS AMAZING” Shinsou is just watching while faintly amused.

#bnha au #true might au #bnha #All Might #yagi toshinori #shinsou hitoshi #midoriya izuku #aizawa shouta

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carotriesstudy · 5 years

Text

When you’re not doing well at uni and failing

okay, i know im not the best at keeping this blog bc its like not a physical thing so i forget i have it lol

but i wanted to just talk a little and vent bc of my life is pretty shit atm (the tips at the start are written post rant to actually give some advice instead of just venting)

Tip 1 - get out of bed

I know its hard, I could spend my life in bed and tbh I do. but I also know that while it feels like taking care of yourself to relax, I know it’ll make me more depressed. and it's super hard. I constantly tell myself to get up while lying there an entire day. but when you feel that little spur of energy or in my case annoyance lol use it. get up and get out.

Tip 2 - get out of your room

this is similar to tip 1 but if you find yourself in lack of motivation or energy go somewhere. take a walk, or go study in a library or cafe. and this can be even harder. having to get dressed? maybe interact with people? are you kidding me? but the minute you get out and even when you interact with people it feels better. you aren't holed up in your depression or whatever might be bothering you.

Tip 3 - it’s okay and it’s going to be better

right now it's shit. and it feels like its never going to get better. and that you're stuck in this rut forever. but things will turn even if you don't want them to. there can be a comfort and security in your depression bc it gives a reason to why it feels like its right. but you know what also feels like that? the good, and hopefully there will be more of those.

Tip 4 - do as much as you can handle

it's easy to not do things. I haven't done anything all semester. and it sucks bc it's biting me in the ass now. and it's not like I don't have the time. I just don't have the energy. so when I have the energy I need to remember that reading 3 pages of assigned reading is still better than none. I go to class even if I'm not paying attention bc it gets me up and out but also it gives a good idea of what I need to focus on etc.

Tip 5 - its okay to “give up”

i dont like the phrase giving up that much bc it sounds like defeat. i am in a process of severly considering not starting again next semester bc of my mental health. its serious consideration. but its one i need to make and if i decide not to go, it doesnt mean i gave up, i just realised that my current situation iisnt good and that i need to change stuff before i can continue instead of wasting my time doing a shit job at an expensive uni. so, thats good. figuring out what works and what doesnt is only a positive thing

today im in a somewhat good mood despite learning i failed my stats exam (dw its not bad we have multiple so i can still pass)

but the thing is, i have been in a very bad place or a long time and it has really been affecting me and by extension also my education.

i feel apathetic towards everything, im uninterested, and the stress and obligatoin feel i used to really on to study isnt kicking in anymore due to the apathy

im constantly tired, i cant get out o bed in the morning and we have madatory attendance (which probably is good bc otherwise i wouldnt be going to class probably)

my concentration and attention is somewhere completely different atm and its been weeks like this (usually its a few days) and i cant control it very well and its making it hard for me to study and pay attention

im letting myself slip, my room is slipping, my health is slipping

while im trying to get better and be more social which is easier than studying bc usually its just me and this one friend getting high and watching stupid videoes which is nice bc its a break to feel happy and entertained but its also not good for me

back to school stuff since this is a study blog

im no doing good in any of my classes, i barely passed two exams, failed one and possibly one more

i have an exam on friday i need to study for, and one on monday. i neeed good grades in these to make up for the not so good marks i have received before

and while i know that taking care of your mental health is more important not feeling like doing academic work is bothering me a lot actually and its a hellish circle of poor mental health leads to poor academic performance which then leads to poor mental health

and while my apathy and alexithymia saves me from feeling sad or upset by my grades i know deep down i want to do well. i want to succeed.

i cant keep not working, i need to put in work if i wanna improve. this isnt high school anymore

im doing some hard courses this semester and while i am usually interested in most of them i cant seem to care

im doing better today mentally and i feel up for getting some stuff done so im going to exploit that but i also just want to sleep and wake up feeling actually awake for once

im also getting sick so thats fun

my parents are also making me see a therapist (i haven't started yet) and i think thats a good idea but i have a lot of anxiety about it lol hence why i need therapy

im also going to talk to counsellor at school and see what she can help with as well

idk what id going to happen but im trying to finish my semester and get back into a good study rhythm. I anyone wants to throw some advice or encouragement my way id really appreciate it.

#studyblr #college #uni #mental health #drug mention #studying #tips #failing #mine

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seoulscenarios · 6 years

Text

College AU! Bang Chan

ahhhhhh!!!!!! we made it to 100 followers today and we decided to release a special series in order to celebrate! starting with chan, we’ll be releasing a college au or two a day all to do with stray kids! i hope you enjoy and thank you all once again, bc without you we wouldn’t be doing this

- Major: Music Production (are we even surprised lmao)

-Minor: Home Economics

-Clubs: ……. He has no time to go to clubs, though he does occasionally help out Johnny at the radio station by sending him songs to play or, even once, he hosted alongside him, he also occasionally goes to seungmin’s baseball club to help him train bc he’s the sports dad lbr

- He’s a 3rd year student which means…… he’s currently dying

-Minho thought he had it bad being a education major but chan,,,,, his bloodstream was coffee, he became one with the coffee lmao

-Chan hyung? When did you last sleep?

-Sleep? What is this sleep you speak of?

-Speaking of hyung, chan rent out his apartment bc he’s a broke student and he basically ended adopting a fellow australian in the form of Felix who was a 1st year,,,, which meant chan practically adopted him and his merry bunch of friends

-Not that he minded,,,, but his wallet did lmao bc paying for 9 people at bbq during peak time,,,,, chan practically cried and shut himself in the recording studio and wrote a song about how the ones you worry about aren’t your enemies but the ones who smile like the sun then rob u blind at dinner

-(lmao no chan loved his kids really and one time felix did offer to pay he practically wrestled him,,,,, chan won)

-So his major

-Is mostly practical with a tiny bit of theory throw in once a week to learn about different production techniques which chan found HELLA interesting bc he loved to learn new things about music

-Music was his passion and he had no doubt about going to uni to do music as a career because there was nothing else he ever wanted to do

-So Chan gets sit in a recording studio most days and gets Woojin to sing on some of his tracks whilst bribing two of Felix’s friends who he met at an underground rap scene to record as well

-The first time he met those two friends, Changbin and Jisung, he felt an instant connection esp bc he found out that Changbin was the kid his production teacher was enthusing about for weeks lmao

-And whilst Jisung didn’t major in music production, his song writing and rap flow were so unique that chan was determined to recruit him

-Luckily,,,, they both agreed bc they already knew who chan was from Felix and he has campus reputation for being the best music student on campus (not that chan really knew about this,, he was just very confused whenever he saw gangs on giggling people around him that he almost always looked around to see if Taeyong or Daniel were nearby lmao sweetie no it’s you)

-Him, Changbin and Jisung formed a trio and they all wrote songs and performed in underground uni clubs and rumour says that whenever 3racha performed there was a waiting list for about 3 months

-The three of them were extremely popular but they rarely performed as Chan was extremely busy with 3rd year work oh no

-But whenever they did

-Oh boy

-Was it extremely popular

-Throngs of people,,,, and a lot of phones taking recordings and posting them on the college snapchat or on Instagram

-They became a famous group though not many of them knew the boys by their real names bc they had stage names uwu

-Only those who were very into the music scene figured out that CB97 was the music production departments’ prize angel student and when they tried to tell other people on the campus,,,, they never believed it bc how could Bang Chan, a sweetheart, rap like that about such deep issues when he performed at college festivals and showcases he played softer mellower songs

-Your friends were very much into Bang Chan and 3racha and they were always found amongst the gaggles of people who saw him round campus or attended 3racha concerts religiously

-Not that you could ever be seen amongst the gaggles

-You had quite the reputation on campus,,, the kids had nicknamed you stone y/n stemmed from the fact you were from a pretty well known family, and walked around campus with a completely blank face and only had a few friends that could crack your exterior

-People generally avoided you bc they weren’t sure whether they could even talk to you without being glared at or ur family would come for them

-It was a bit sad really,,, bc u weren’t that scary lmao

-You just wanted to pass college with good grades and you never went out on nights out or anything, you weren’t against it you just didn’t find it interesting,,,, much the opposite to your friends who LOVED going out, you let them get on with it and they respected your decision as well

-You weren’t even sure if Bang Chan was a real person or just a campus urban myth bc u had never seen him before

-No matter how many times ur friends tried to drag you to the local underground rap scene bc “OMG Y/N 3RACHA IS PERFORMING TONIGHT AND YOU NEED TO SEE THEM OMG!!p”£!” (this is one thing they always tried to drag you to bc they knew you would love the music)

-You never went because you would much rather be studying

-I mean, you were a law student and had many case studies and mock trials to study and prepare for so you didn’t have much free time

-And whilst you loved music, you had your life sorted out and you intended to graduate college this year with a 1st class honours so you could get your dream internship with a famous law firm

-Please Y/N you need to come out and see 3racha with us because their music is right up your alley musically

-I… really can’t I have a mock trial coming up next week and I need to do well

-Promise me one day you’ll come with us

-Pinky promise, I’ll try and come to the next one if I can

-I’ll be holding you to that I will rip your law textbooks out of your hand and throw them out of the window

-SANA WHAT THE HELL

-A n y w a y

-You could be found most days at the library with a stack of law books and a highlighter in your hand, whilst you sipped coffee

-Little did you know that would be the day you finally encountered the urban myth that was Bang Chan

-At first you didn’t realise that he was stood opposite your table

-“Hi-uh there’s no other seats in the library apart from here….. is it okay if I sit on your table?”

-You startle out of the passage explain corporate law and look up to see Chan

-His silver hair was all curled and quite frankly a mess, his eyes wide and alert with extremely dark bags under them and his hand curled protectively around a large coffee

-You just nod, moving your materials closer to you so he could have some more space

-You heard him sigh in relief and slump in the chair opposite you, taking his laptop out of his bag alongside a notebook covered in stickers with bits of paper sticking out of it

- You rolled your eyes, thinking he was one of those students who procrastinated until the last week before his exam, and put your head back to your textbook, fully intending to ignore the boy opposite you

-You were surprised, however, to find that he was being quiet and just working on,,,,, whatever he was doing

-Most people who came to sat at your table were normally very distracting (constantly talking loudly on the phone, eating, sighing heavily and twirling pens u know the ones)

-It was quite a pleasant change from what you were used to and you settled down to finish your textbook chapter

-It was about an hour later, when you were taking a break, when Chan asked you a question

-He coughed and you looked up at him from your phone

-You noticed that he had a pair of very professional looking headphones around his neck and you couldn’t help but notice just how his eyes were sparkling

-“I’m going to grab a coffee and I was just wondering if you wanted one?”

-Oh what’s this

-Someone offering to buy you coffee,,, this has literally never happened before??

-“Oh um,,, only if you want to I mean it’d be really nice if you did law is killing me you know hahah but you really dont have to” you spluttered out

-“It’s no problem! You probably need a pick me up because I know I do, just keep an eye on my stuff yeah?” he replied before walking off to what you presumed the campus coffee shop

-You blinked a few times before trying to get back to your work, deeming your break to be over

-However you were kinda still a bit shocked that the cute boy opposite you offered to get you a coffee????

-Deciding that work wasn’t going to happen, you glanced over at the work he had left out

-You saw that the bits of paper you noticed earlier were scattered around his laptop and from what you could see, they appeared to have music notes and lyrics scattered across them

-A music major?? But why would a music major need a laptop??

-You thought about reading one of the lyrics sheets before realising that come on Y/N that’s someone’s work they probably don’t want a complete stranger to look at them

-You were still staring when the cute boy came back

-“One coffee for you, I wasn’t sure what you liked so I got you an Americano?? I hope that’s okay?” he told you, handing you a cup

-“Americano is fine with me, it’s what I had earlier in fact! Thanks uh—”

-“Chan, my name is Chan. Or Chris. More often Chan to be honest. You’re welcome, but it’s only fair I get your name as well”

-“Y/N. Only Y/N.” you smiled at him which he returned

-And that’s when you saw his dimples

-They were extremely deep and, quite frankly, adorable

-Your eyes trailed Chan as he sat in his seat, slipping the headphones back over his ears and picking up a piece of paper

-You snapped your eyes back to your textbook, trying to focus back on corporate law whilst nursing your coffee with both hands

-It was a torturous 2 hours before you decided that you couldn’t take it anymore

-Chan kept distracting you

-Not that he meant to, you just found him to be extremely distracting

-y/n STOP YOU ONLY MET HIM TODAY

-As you began to pack your highlighters away you saw Chan slip off his headphones and unplug them from his laptop

-Great

-“Are you heading out?”

-“Oh uh yeah”

-“Cool same, wanna walk out together?”

-“Sure!” you replied a little too enthusiastically, internally groaning at yourself

-Chan, unbeknownst to you, found this extremely adorable and as he was packing his stuff away he snuck glances at you and saw the tips of your ears tinted red

-He smiled to himself as he swung his backpack over his shoulders, waiting for you pack your stuff away

-You,,,, were struggling

-Not only was Chan being extremely nice to you, you happened to have brought a lot of textbooks with you which seemed like a good idea when you came

-But walking back to ur dorm,,,,, seemed extremely bad

-You were balancing the last book onto the pile you were carrying when Chan popped up over the top of them

-And,,, without asking just grabbed a few of them and carried them for you, flashing his smile at you

-y/n ? y/n? oh my god they’re dead

-“You ready?”

-And that kids, is how one of the campus heartthrobs carried stone Y/N’s law books from the library to your dorm

-Safe to say the library, the campus, the world had stopped breathing as they saw the two of you walk across campus to the dorms chatting quite animatedly

-It turned out you and chan had very similar taste in music and he was just telling you about the project he was working on at the moment as you walked up the stairs to your dorm (the lift was broken,,, again)

-He offered to carry the rest of your books as you struggled to find your keys and balance the books as well

-You shook your head, finally grabbing your keys and unlocking the door

-Your roommate was unfortunately in and screamed your name when it DIED in their throat as their eyes lay upon Chan stepping in and following you to your desk

-“You can just put them there thanks so much Chan, you really didn’t have to”

-“I know” he smiled “you needed help though so I decided to”

-“I appreciate a lot” you smiled back (ur roommate was watching this with WIDE EYES and pulled out their phone to spam the gc bc hello chan was in your room and talking with you, also how could anyone think you were stone like bc you were blushing like MAD and ur roomie was cackling)

-“Anyway, I’ll see you round Y/N?”

-“Sure thing, I’m normally at the library in that same spot just hit me up there”

-Chan went to go leave before turning round and you looked at him questioningly

-“Can I get your number?”

-UR ROOMIE NEARLY SCREAMED AT THAT POINT AND SO DID YOU

-“Oh uh sure…”

-On the inside you were dying hello y/n ??? you there???

-Chan smiled and pulled his phone out, giving it to you

-You plugged ur number into his phone and u were blushing crazily rn

-Chan grinned at this, his dimples showing themselves and ur roomie was PLOTTING, typing furiously on their phone

-When you handed his phone back to him, Chan smiled at you before waving goodbye and leaving

-When the door shut ur roomie THREW THEMSELVES AT YOU THROWING QUESTIONS ABOUT WHY HAD BANG CHAN WALKED YOU HOME WHAT THE ACTUAL HECK Y/N U BETTER HAVE ANSWERS

-Ur roomie kept bombarding you with questions but you could only focus on one thing

-Bang Chan?? The Chan you met and had walked you across campus was the Bang Chan???

-“That was Bang Chan?!”

-Your roomie sighed heavily and was like YES U IDIOT THAT WAS THE BANG CHAN

-You flopped onto your bed wondering how this was your life when ur phone pinged with a message

-You groaned, taking it out eyes widening when u saw it was a message from Chan

-You opened it up, quickly saving the number to your phone before reading the message

-[from: XXX-XXXXX-XX] hi it’s me Chan! I remembered the song I was trying to tell you about earlier! Hope you enjoy

-Your roomie was enjoying this, watching u suffer and tapping a reply to Chan

-Giggling, they updated the group chat with a plan to get you and Chan together

-Luckily,,, one of ur other friends was friends with Felix as they were on the same course so they messaged him

-Felix replied almost instantly,,,, for Chan had just gotten back and was gushing about someone he met at the library

-All of a sudden,,, the mission to get the two of you together was formed in a separate

-You were completely oblivious to this as you were too busy listening to the song and sending ur thoughts to

-From that day on you and Chan texted quite frequently, normally sending each other music

-Occasionally he would send you some of the stuff he was working on, asking for ur advice

-Which you gave happily

-The two of you even arranged to meet up and study, taking it turns to buy coffee for each other

-It was all quite,,, sweet really

-However,,,, the two of you were toeing the line between friends and something more yet neither of you made the first step

-Which frustrated ur friends, chan’s friends, the entire campus at this point

-Just as the group chat was screaming to come up with a better plan

-Chan had invited you to a 3racha gig at the local underground bar

-You were a bit hesitant to reply when u saw that message,, u were never seen at these kinds of things and u didn’t want the campus to talk even more

-(ur friends were dying bc they were like Y/N PLEASE NO ONE IS GOING TO CARE THEY ALREADY KNOW,,,, yet but what if- NO IFS)

-Chan sensed your hesitation over text and told you that you really didn’t have to go if you didn’t want to, he wasn’t pressuring you to go but the invite was there if you wanted it

-You replied with tons of smiley faces and hearts in apology

-He giggled in his apartment, but Felix noted the sad look in his eyes

-TIME FOR FELIX TO SPAM THE GC TO GET UR FRIENDS TO CONVINCE YOU TO GO

-Unfortunately,, you were quite stubborn about not going

-They eventually gave up after 2 weeks, knowing they shouldn’t push you anymore

-It wasn’t until your friends came round to ur dorm the night of the gig to get ready together

-You were sat on ur bed,,, mulling it over in your head

-What if I really did go?? Would anyone care?

-Bc honestly,,,, you wanted to go

-You wanted to see Chan perform in his element bc of the stuff he sent you,,,, you really enjoyed it

-You breathed in heavily

-“Guys,,,, I’ll go”

-“REALLY” “BABE IT’S TIME TO GET YOU LOOKING SMOKING FOR UR FIRST OFFICIAL NIGHT OUT” “WOOOO Y/N”

-You laughed, letting your friends pull u to ur feet and throwing clothes at you

-You were laughing all the way to the underground bar, decked in ur hottest clothes (according to sana) and looking extremely attractive (agreed by all of ur friends)

-When u entered the bar, you got slightly nervous bc u hadn’t told chan you were going to be there and u didn’t know how to act at this kind of place

-Sana grabbed your hand, leading you to a spot near the exit but still having a clear shot of the performance area

-Yugyeom, Mina, Bambam and Momo came back to your table, bearing hands full with different drinks

-You were a little overwhelmed, settling for the coke Mark passed to you wordlessly (he knew you didn’t like to drink that much, especially not in public)

-The six of you were chatting about your days, just happy to hang out all together when the lights went down and a few girls in the back screamed

-A heavy beat kicked in and a spotlight appeared on a figure you couldn’t recognise

-When all of a sudden, they began rapping and your jaw dropped as you realised it was Chan

-His voice was smooth and pleasant to listen to as he switched from rap to vocal, your jaw dropping as you couldn’t believe it was the same Chan who buys you coffee

-You were shocked to say the least

-Two more rappers joined in during the performance but quite honestly, your eyes kept being drawn to chan

-It wasn’t until, a few songs later, that one of the other rappers approached your table during Chan’s rap part

-“Hey hyung, what about them?”

-Chan turned and his eyes widened in recognition

-“Them? They’re really pretty” sending a wink at you before continuing his rap

-Safe to say your friends, and Chan’s friends (who were near you) ALL cheered and wolf-whistled whilst you had your head buried in your heads, blush overtaking your entire face

-Chan spared another look at you and saw how cute you looked all embarrassed UWU

-The rest of the gig continued and you still weren’t over how Chan had called you really pretty

-Sana kept glancing between you and Chan, noticing that the two of you kept looking at each other and she was like,,,, it’s time

-The gig had finished and people began to filter out

- But not you and the conspiracy group

-They convinced you to stay and Chan,,,, was overjoyed

-He approached you and all of a sudden ur friends had disappeared,,,, wow thnx guys xxx

-He slid into the chair opposite you and placed his hands on the table nervously

-“Um,, I didn’t think you’d actually be here wow”

-“I didn’t think I would be here either,,, but then I realised, I really wanted to see you”

-“Me?”

-“Yes,,,, I uh,,, really like you Chan”

-QUEUE CHAN BLUSHING BC WOW EVEN THOUGH HE CALLED YOU PRETTY EARLIER HE WANTED TO BE THE ONE TO ASK YOU OUT TONIGHT BUT HE COULDN’T HELP BUT LOVE HOW STRAIGHTFORWARD YOU WERE

-“Wow…… me too Y/N. I’ve been trying for weeks to try and ask you out you know” he laughed awkwardly

-You couldn’t help but giggle, reaching for his hands

-Chan smiled, intertwining his fingers with yours marvelling at how well they fit together

-“Say,, fancy ditching this lot and grab a movie at my place” you asked wickedly, sending a glance to your friends who were all watching with baited breath

-“Sounds good to me” he grinned back, standing up and pulling you at the bar to the sound of your friends wolf-whistling and Jisung groaning that he was going to have pack all the equipment whilst Changbin laughed at him

-DATING CHAN:

-It’s a dream

-He’s an actual perfect boyfriend and treated you with respect and you hadn’t been happier

-So sure, the campus body was extremely shocked to see the two of you walk around holding hands and occasionally kissing each other on the cheek

-But they LOVED it

-Stone Y/N suddenly lost their nickname,, becoming more known as Chan’s partner but still maintaining your cool demeanour bc hello,,,, u studied law and u knew things

-ANYWAY

-Chan would try and take you on dates quite often, ranging from a simple picnic on campus to a fancy dinner at a high end restaurant you were sure he couldn’t afford but still paid for it all anyway, despite ur constant protests that you could pay

-One day you planned a surprise date and bought him a new microphone (after much discussion with changbin about which one to go) he tried to refuse it, but you told him you threw the receipt away because you wanted to treat him

-(Chan refuses to admit that he cried when he went back to the dorm, but felix has photographic evidence to prove otherwise)

-He made up for it by writing a song for you and performing it at a 3racha gig which made you cry, the fangirls cry,,,, some even say that Changbin cried but he would dispute this reverently

-That’s one thing you do more often,, you go out a lot more and you try to go to every 3racha gig in order to support ur mans

-You were becoming a lot more open,, which one drunken night Sana was sobbing in your arms about how proud she was of you coming out of your shell because of Chan and if he ever broke your heart she would break something of his

-You had laughed at this,,, with wet eyes bc u were slightly emotional bc of what she said, reassuring you that if chan was going to break your heart you were very capable of breaking that very same part

-Dating Chan meant that you also became the official parent alongside Chan of all of his kids

-Felix took an immediate liking to you, sticking to you like glue whenever you all hung out together

-It was very cute tbh,,,, until they learnt that you were the infamous stone Y/N and ur family was extremely rich

-Chan snapped at the boys when they asked if you could treat them to expense bbq one day and they were all extremely sheepish after that

-You didn’t mind,,, u didn’t mind treating the boys bc you knew they wouldn’t try and manipulate you for it (hint: like some of ur first “friends” when u first got to college and Sana dragged Momo over to scare them away from you as they saw you constantly paying for everything… rumour has it that they still run away if they see momo at any place)

-You had to drag Chan away from them to calm him down

-He just didn’t want anyone to take advantage of you again,,,, he had nearly cried when you had told him why you were so closed off and didn’t have many friends

-You stroked the back of his hands and pressed a soft kiss to his lips, reassuring him that it was fine

-When you went back to the boys,, they all apologised to you and you ruffled Felix’s hair lovingly

-Chan’s hand tightened around yours, and you shot him a look before announcing that it was your turn to pay for the family meal this time and dragged them all to a bbq place

-You and Chan were feeding each other at the table, much to the disgust of Seungmin and Hyunjin

-You just stuck your tongue out at them, feeding Chan another bit of chicken

-When you went to go pay the bill, all 9 of them tried to pay instead but you swatted them off brandishing your card at them before handing it to the cashier

- Who was very confused, accepting the card with a very concerned look on their face

-Like how was 1 person going to pay for a table of 10 when they had nearly eaten their entire kitchen

-Their face was a little shocked when the transaction went through and they handed the card back to you whilst the rest of the boys looked on awed

-“Now boys,,, that’s your quota for the month” you beamed at them, strutting out of the restaurant

-You just became their favourite person, but also most feared person in the world

-You also spent a lot of time with Chan in the recording studio,, especially coming up towards the end of 3rd year as Chan was super stressed about his final composition piece

-You were stressed as well bc you had an important trial coming up right at the end,,, and whilst you were stressed, you knew you were going to be okay bc you had studied all your materials for a while

-Seeing Chan screw up his 100th piece of paper one night whilst you were studying at his dorm, you put your notes down and went over to his desk where he was sat with his head in his hands

-You soothingly rubbed his shoulders, whispering sweet nothings into his ears

-Without warning, he spun around in his chair and you realised his eyes were glazed over hazily

-His hands rested on your waist, and you instinctively melted into his touch

-Your lips met and before you knew it, he had picked you up and placed you onto his bed, lips grazing over your jawline and neck in butterfly kisses occasionally stopping to leave a mark on your neck

-Well,,, one thing led to another and u were just glad Felix hadn’t come back as you snuggled up to Chan, hand resting over his chest

-Felix came back the next day, throwing Chan’s t-shirt at him before walking straight back out

-You were very confused, burying deeper into the sheets as Chan pulled you closer pressing a kiss to your forehead

-You and Chan were honestly the campus sweethearts, you weren’t always together but you bet your chemistry notes that he would leave a sticky note on your file before you went to a mock trial

- Chan found you extremely attractive in your suit and you were nearly late the morning of your last mock trial lmao

-You were just very supportive of each other as well as your friends

-Like you never failed to turn up to Felix’s musicals together, even after you had both graduated

-Chan accompanied you to Sana, Mina and Momo’s dance recitals and you went to all of Seungmin’s baseball games even if he wasn’t playing

-You became known as the campus parents tbh

-Just a very wholesome couple

-When the two of you, along with Woojin, and a few others graduated that year, you bet that your friendship group all turned up and had massive banners with your names on, hollering when you got called up

-They also threw a massive party at the pub that 3racha frequented (the owner let them rent it out for free) and you all ended up crying by the end of the day, you comforting a sobbing Jeongin whilst Chan was hugging Felix

-Oh,,, after you graduated Chan took you to Australia to meet his family for the summer before you started your internship and he took aesthetic photos of you all the time

-You literally had to wrestle his phone out of his hand before you got spammed by the 8 boys who kept getting these photos of you sent in their gc

-Ugh you’re just two extremely loving parents of about 17 kids and you wouldn’t change it for the world, you thought that last day altogether at bar

ahhh wow thank you again for 100 followers and next up on the college aus is.... *drum rolls* WOOJIN

#stray kids #stray kids imagines #stray kids scenarios #stray kids bang chan #bang chan #bang chan imagine #bang chan au #college au #bang chan scenarios #bang chan college au #uwu #thanks for reading #and for 100!!!! followers #love u so much x

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goldendream-s · 6 years

Text

what were the odds (pt. 2)

a/n; 2.5k of some fluff bc next part is gonna have some angst!

PART 1

MASTERLIST || REQUEST

The first two weeks of your summer flew by in what felt like seconds and you’d been living your best life since. After spending a cellphone-less week camping in a secluded location with your family, you were glad to see your friends again for game night hosted by your friend, Michael.

You had met Michael through Sammy at the beginning of your freshman year of college and the three of you, along with some others, quickly became best friends. With all of the exams that had just occurred a mere two weeks ago, everyone thought it'd be a good idea to get together and catch up.

Setting down a few of your favorite candies along with a pillow next to Sammy, you greeted her with a hug. The two of you spent a couple of minutes talking about what you had missed in the week you were camping, which was apparently a lot.

“Wait, so you just stopped talking to him like that?” you tried to hide your laughter and expression of surprise. You were a little confused as to why she’d drop Brian after you spent hours on end listening to her ramble about how nice he was.

“Brian’s great and all, but I realized how much I love being single. I just wanna spend this summer working on myself without having to worry about another person. I can be my own badass and I don’t need a man to do so,” she explained as you nodded in agreement.

“Plus, I heard California has a lot of hot guys,” Sammy laughed, referring to her upcoming trip to the states.

If there was one thing you absolutely adored about Sammy, it was her bluntness. She didn't like beating around the bush, and she’ll be the first to tell you if she notices something fishy. Her outgoing personality complemented your calmer one, and in a way, some of her extrovert-ways have rubbed off on you.

A couple drinks and rounds of Cards Against Humanities later, everyone in the circle around you was tipsy if not drunk. That was, except for you. You had an interview for an internship tomorrow afternoon, meaning getting too crazy with the drinks was a no-go for you.

Through all of the laughter that had erupted from reading out of the cards, there was a knock on Michael’s door. Michael did mention that he had invited another person to join, but a little later into the night. No one else seemed to notice it, so you took it as your cue to check.

Opening the door, you nearly stopped dead in your tracks as your recognized the familiar head of curls. There stood Shawn, looking even better than he had the first time you met him. His pink hoodie was traded for a fitted black button up that perfectly accentuated his biceps and revealed some tattoos that you hadn't seen when you met him in the restaurant.

Noticing your obvious shock, he was the first to speak up.

“Fancy seeing your here, huh? What are the odds,” he brightly laughed as you nodded and let him into Michael’s apartment. You couldn’t seem to formulate any coherent sentence, awkwardly walking to the kitchen where everyone else was. The two of you haven't seen each other -let alone talk- since you last saw him weeks ago. Chills were sent up your arm as you scolded yourself for letting him have this effect on you again nonetheles.

You’d be lying if you said you had been thinking of Shawn because quite frankly, your encounter with him had barely crossed your mind in the midst of all of your other summer plans. You thought meeting him would be a one time thingmand as much as you would like to get to know him better, he probably wasn't nearly as interested.

The two of you went the next hour without making contact with the other, both immersed in separate conversations and games. Everyone had moved to the balcony, where a fireplace and view of Toronto’s city lights made up the view. You’d spent a lot of that time trying to advert your gaze at anything but Shawn. You were obviously attracted to him, but you couldn’t convince yourself that you’d ever be anything more than a friend of a friend to him.

A nudge to the ribs broke your train of deep thought as you were met with Sammy’s hazel eyes. “So,” her voice lingered, “do I gotta be the one to point out how late guy over there has been staring at you for the past hour?”

Looking across the room and searching for Shawn, your eyes met his. You blushed at Shawn’s blatant staring, but you shot down your best friend out of denial.

“Uh, I-” you were at a loss of words, realizing you never got to tell Sammy that you had met Shawn that time she made you tag-along with her and Brian.

“Relax, it’s cute how you haven’t noticed. Shawn’s a nice guy. I approve,” she spoke, only causing you to cover your red face with your pillow.

“How do you know him?” you questioned, wondering why everyone seemed to have met him but you.

“Michael and I went to high school with him. I don't think he knows me since we’ve never talked, but we were in the same friend circle. He’s been in and out between here and L.A. working on some music with a producer back in California. Surprised he didn’t bring his damn guitar to this get-together,” she laughed, already talking about another subject with the girl to her right. You were left to think about her words by yourself, not remembering Shawn mentioning about L.A.

Removing yourself from your comfortable seat, you walked back into Michael’s apartment to search his fridge for another sparkling water.

After digging in the fridge for the drink you couldn’t find, you tiredly sighed, planning to make your way back outside with the rest of your friends.

As you turned around, your path was abruptly blocked by none other than Shawn. Stumbling a bit from bumping into him, his hands were quick to catch your forearms, steadying you.

Heart beating out of your chest, you didn’t know what to do as you felt heat radiate through your smaller frame. Shawn didn’t move either, keeping you in place as your back was practically pushed against the the fridge door. Shawn’s face was just within your reach, allowing you to notice his rosy complexion and a scar lying under his right cheek.

“Uh, hi. Sorry for bumping into you like that,” you breathily spoke, trying to ease the obvious tension in the room.

“No it was my fault, I was in your way,” he apologized, his large hands still gently wrapped around your arms, causing you to glance down at them.

“Right, sorry ‘bout that,” he quickly released his grip on you as soon as he realized what you were looking at. A blush similar to yours crept on his face as he took a few steps back, finally allowing the both of you to breath. You missed his touch as soon as it left, as you were starting to regret pointing it out in the first place.

Glancing over your shoulder and noticing the drunk state of your friends, you realized you’d probably be stuck at Michael’s for another couple hours. Walking over to the kitchen island, you hoisted yourself on the counter.

“Doesn’t look like they’re planning to go home any time soon,” you spoke, trying to ease the quietness of the kitchen.

“Oh for sure. I've lost count of how many beers Michael and Brian have had,” Shawn’s hand ran through his messy curls, his cheeks more rosy than when you first saw him earlier tonight. Walking around the counter, he easily lifted himself next to you. He sat close enough for you to smell his musky yet pleasant cologne, both of your backs turned from the rest of your friends outside.

“Must be nice. I don't even think they’d notice if I left right now,” you laughed, explaining to him how you were trying not to drink for the night.

The two of you made small talk, as he even asked how your camping trip went. Telling the story of how you managed to nearly get lost in the middle of nowhere, you noticed how much closer the two of you were than when you first started your story. His shoulder was touching yours, your legs nearly on top of each other’s. Shawn intently listened, his eyes never leaving yours.

With his head resting on his hand, Shawn couldn’t help but get lost in your soothing voice. As interesting as your camping stories were, he couldn’t help but admire your features, memorizing every detail of what must’ve been the most gorgeous face he’s ever seen. He regretted not asking for your number the first time he met you at the restaurant, but this time around, he was determined to get to know you.

“Hey, do you maybe wanna get out of here? I know a place just a few minutes from here that’s open all night. Their food is the best at this time of night,” he asked, though his twiddling fingers gave his nervousness away.

“Yea, I’m down,” you accepted as he offered his hand, helping you off the counter and leading you to the door.

You weren't one to run off late at night with someone you have only met a couple of times, but with Shawn, you couldn’t get enough of his presence.

As soon as the two of you said your goodbyes to everyone, Shawn quickly opened the door to his jeep for you and hit the road. Now, with one hand on the wheel, and the other resting on the glove compartment, his head rhythmically moving to the r&b station softly playing in the background. His face was illuminated with green and red, his perfect face structure defined by the streetlights.

The car was in a comfortable silence, much different from the tension the two of you shared earlier in the kitchen.

As Shawn’s car slowed down and took a right turn, you saw a small lit-up cafe sign that you’ve never noticed the hundred of other times you’ve passed by the area.

“I figured that since you weren't drinking, you could probably use some coffee or tea from here. They also have some really good muffins if you were hungry,” Shawn spoke as he opened the door for you into the cozy cafe. You smiled at the fact that Shawn had been so considerate, even remembering what you had told him back at Michael’s.

The two of you found an empty seat towards the back of the cafe as a kind waiter punctually came to take your orders.

“How did you find this place?” you curiously asked as the drinks and muffins were brought to your table.

“Well, when I would be stuck on a song, I’d drive around to calm down a little,” he explained as he twirled a black ring along his pinky, “One night, I found this cafe, which is pretty empty during the night, so I started coming here instead.”

Nodding, you took another look around the family-owned cafe. Each of the wooden tables were decorated with a small plant, the smell of fresh pastries wafting through the atmosphere.

“So do you have any plans for tomorrow?”

“Other than the interview internship, no,” you replied, secretly hoping Shawn would ask to hang out again. “I just really want to nail this interview. I’m lucky enough that they were still looking for interns,” you tapped your fingernails along the table, the thought of tomorrow's interview already making you nervous.

Shawn’s hand moved over the table to meet yours, squeezing it in a soothing yet assuring manner. The bold move made butterflies erupt from your stomach, though neither of you moved your hands away. “You’ve got this. It’s their loss if they can’t see how amazing you are,” his simple, endearing words sending you into a spiral of euphoria.

As the minutes became hours, the two of you learned new things about the other, all while your hands were still intertwined.

“How is your music coming along?” you asked Shawn since the two of you have spent a lot of the night talking about you.

“It’s actually going really well. I’m going to go to L.A. at the end of this month and see if any labels are willing to sign me,” he explained, the mention of his music bringing a mesmerizing smile across his face.

“Hm, you’ll have to play me a song or two of yours one day,” you said, a blush immediately rising to your face as you realized what you just suggested.

“I would love that,” Shawn smirked at your shy yet adorable demeanor.

Once the two of you decided it was getting a little too late to be staying in the cafe, you and Shawn headed back to his jeep parked across the parking lot. The night had become much cooler than it was two hours ago, the wind instantly raising goosebumps across your uncovered arms and legs.

“Are you cold?” Shawn asked, noticing your attempt to brush off the weather. Before you could answer, he shrugged off his denim jacket that he had put on during the car ride to the cafe.

Nodding, he draped it over your shoulders, the jacket engulfing you.

“Is your car at Michael’s?”

“No, I got a ride with Sammy but I think she already left.”

“Oh, then I can just drop you off at your place,” Shawn proposed as you looked up directions on your phone for Shawn to follow.

No more than 20 minutes later, Shawn’s jeep pulled up towards your apartment building.

“Well this is the place. Here’s your jacket,” you said, pointing to your building. Removing your arm from one of the sleeves of Shawn’s jacket, his hand moved to yours.

“Just keep it, you can just give it back the next time we hang out. Or just text me the next time you’re at Michael’s,” Shawn said, playing with his ring.

“But I don’t ha-” you cut yourself off, smiling at what Shawn was hinting at.

“I’ll give you credit for that one,” you replied as you and Shawn exchanged numbers.

Swinging one leg out of the jeep, Shawn quickly stopped you again.

“Will you... go on a date with me?” He spoke, nervously tapping his shoes.

“I would love to,” you responded, trying to contain your excitement.

“Does tomorrow at 7 work? There's this dressy-casual restaurant that just opened. I can pick you up after a studio session if that works for you,” his eyes suddenly beaming.

“I guess I’ll see you at 7 then,” the feeling of butterflies erupting in your stomach.

“Oh and one more thing,” Shawn spoke, this time with more confidence.

You raised your brows, Shawn answering your confusion by a planting a gentle kiss on your cheek. “Have a goodnight.”

You were glad it was so dark outside, or else he would’ve seen how red your face was. Finally getting out of his Jeep, you waved goodbye to Shawn as you headed towards your building.

You were already head over heels for this boy.

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes imagines #shawn mendes fluff #shawn mendes fanfic

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btsfaris · 6 years

Text

Heavy Heart [P.2]

A/N: hii!! I’m so glad you guys enjoyed part 1!! I decided to be nice and post part 2 early hehe :))

Warnings: Lots of Fluff, More Angst(bc im a sad person)

Words: 2k+

P.1

You;

And there he was again, sitting beautifully in that lunch table.

It was currently lunchtime, and you were grabbing your lunch from the cafeteria like majority of the school. The place was filled with roudey teenagers, loud voices murmuring to their friends and lots of clatter from the lunch trays. Peter was sitting peacefully in his usual spot, half-way into the cafeteria, and munching on his meal.

You could always talk to him at this time, as he spent majority of his lunches with only Ned and not with a crowd. It would be so easy to just walk up to his best friend, ask him about the homework in Chemistry and casually greet Peter.. but you were a scaredy-cat.

Speaking to Peter always made you nervous. No matter what it was or even short it was, you’d become a mess. Your fingers would get antsy or your legs would start shifting in place.

Sometimes you couldn’t even look at eyes properly. You just never could build up the courage to smile at him, so it would be a complete challenge to say hi.

You always wished you could, perhaps things would be different. Maybe he would actually acknowledge you for once, and you’d grow from there. Even have the possibility of building up a relationship.

In your dreams, you think.

You’re not sure how long you’ve been staring at him, probably for a good minute now, by the way the person behind you groans for you to keep moving along the line. Can’t you see I’m enjoying the view? You want to hiss at them.

Grabbing a sandwich and some orange juice, you get out of line and slowly walk to the exit. Which is on the way to Peter’s table. Your eyes keep trained on him, watching him conversate with Ned.

His eyes suddenly shift to stare at his plate, moving his food around with the fork for a few moments before looking up. Directly on you.

Oh fuck. You look back down at the floor and a blush creeps up your neck. Hopefully, he didn’t notice you creepily gawking at him.

You count to five, still moving fairly slow across the cafeteria before glancing back up to see him still gazing at you. You blink a couple times, wondering if your eyes were playing tricks on you. You look around to see no one around you, and turn back to him, furrowing your brows.

His hand raises up and he gives you a shy smile. An actual smile. Your cheeks redden at this point, fingers slowly letting go of the tray to wave at him. As you raise up your palm, a familiar voice behind you perks up.

“Peter!” Liz calls, walking past you and towards his table. She stands in front of him, speaking inanimately and Peter’s eyes are wide, watching her talk with admiration. Something you do to him always.

Of course, he was smiling at her, not you. How stupid were you to think that he’d be waving at you like that? He was obviously looking at Liz, it was clear now.

Your hand immediately falls back down to your tray, gripping at it as you stare with jealousy at the pair. Gazing back at the floor, you turn around to take the exit near the front rather than your usual route, clearly not able to witness the scene any longer.

Peter;

“I hope I passed the exam,” I tell Ned, through a mouthful of my lunch. “Mr. Delmar said if I did, I could get a sub for free after school!”

“Let’s hope you do,” Ned agrees. “Maybe you could ask Y/N out and share half with her!”

“Going to get a free sub for our first date?” I snort. “How romantic! I might as well write cheapskate on my forehead.”

“Well, maybe she likes to be independent-“ Ned wiggles his brows, but stops mid-sentence as he looks across the cafeteria. “Speak of the devil! Peter, she’s staring at you right now!”

“What?” I still, looking at him with wide eyes.

“Yes! She’s totally giving you the googly eyes!” Ned exclaims.

I swallow the food in my mouth and glance back down at my plate casually. Okay, keep cool, keep cool.. Don’t freak out Peter. Slowly looking up, I spot her immediately and truth be told, her eyes are stuck on me.

My heart almost explodes in my chest but not a second later, she looks away as her gaze is now on the tray in her hands. I continue to look at her, wondering why she was staring at someone like me.

Could this be it? Is she finally showing interest in me? Don’t overthink this. Her eyes look back at me once more, and she flutters her pretty lashes, entrancing me in her beauty.

“Well don’t just stare at her! Do something Peter!” Ned hisses beside me, snapping me out of my thoughts.

With all my courage, I slowly smile and raise my sweaty palm at her. Shit, what if she doesn’t smile back, I think to myself. No, I must do this, I need to finally be brave without my mask.

A smile morphs on to her cute face, making me practically melt at the sight. Her dainty fingers slowly reach up, raising it up to match mine and my smile widens. It’s happening! It’s actually-

“Peter!” The voice does not come from my beloved angel, but behind her. Someone blocks my view of Y/N, revealing to be Liz Allan.

“Why didn’t you show up to the last meeting?” Liz frowns, making my eyes widen.

Shit! I completely forgot about that! I was too caught up with taking care of the city and surveilling, that it completely passed my mind.

“Jeez- I’m sorry Liz, I got caught up with studying for my Spanish exam, I totally forgot about it!” I lie through my teeth, praying that she bought it.

“Peter-“ She sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose for a second, before looking back at me. “Just try to make it next time, okay? This championship really means a lot to me.”

“Definitely, I will!” I nod rapidly, and she rolls her eyes.

“Alright, bye you guys.” She leaves with a wave and I immediately turn my gaze back to Y/N.. only to see that she is no longer standing there.

My shoulders slump, a sad frown placing itself on to my face. My only chance to finally talk to Y/N.. and I blew it.

“Sorry man, maybe next time,” Ned pats my back sympathetically. I sigh, pushing away my lunch tray and place my head in hand.

You;

It’s currently after school now, and you’re sitting outside, enjoying the warm sun hitting your skin. A sketchbook in your hand, drawing your current piece of Peter. You’ve been working on it for months now, hoping to slip it in his locker one day as a gift, once complete.

You’re sitting in the middle of the bleachers, listening to students play a friendly game of football. It was nice out here, mostly quiet and gave you some time to yourself to think about things. Or time to work on your little secret project.

Humming a random tune, you are erasing a small mistake you made when the sound of a whistle startles you, causing you to drop your pencil. Great, you think, as you bend to pick it up. You look up carelessly and back down at your sketchbook before doing a double-take.

Low and behold, there was Peter, walking on the track with his backpack strapped over his shoulders. His skin and hair practically glowing under the sunlight. His big brown eyes looking at the boys playing football, before looking up at the sky.

“What is he doing here?” You whisper to yourself.

Peter never hung out by field after school, he always made his way to the nearby sandwich shop a couple blocks down. So what was he doing back here?

You look back down at your book, pretending to scribble something down. You bite your lip, placing your pencil down and glance up at him. This time, his eyes were on you and you felt your heart start to race.

He flashes you a small smile. Your eyes widen as you realize it’s directed at you, since no one else is on the bleachers.

“Hey-“ Peter waves, but is stopped short as a football hurtles towards him, hitting him square on the nose and knocking him off his feet.

“Peter!” You gasp, running down the bleachers and heading towards him.

You immediately drop your open sketchbook next to him and kneel over him. “Oh my god, are you okay?” You ask him, worried as he blinks repeatedly.

”N-Ned?” He asks, dazedly.

“No,” You whisper shyly. “It’s Y/N.”

“Oh, Y/N..” He repeats, before his eyes widen, he looks at your with big eyes and scrambles to sit up.

“Careful Peter!” You scold mildly, and notice the blood dripping from him nose. “Oh no, you’re bleeding.”

“I-It’s nothing! Just a scratch!” He attempts to play it off cooly, but winces as he touches his nose.

“Here,” You hand him a napkin from your bag.

“Thanks,” Peter mumbles, dabbing his nose with it. “This isn’t how I planned for this to go..”

“For what to go?” You ask curiously. He shakes his head and looks at you. His eyes stare into yours before scanning your face, causing you to blush.

“Hi Y/N..” He whispers.

“Hi Peter,” You stare at him back and smile lightly.

He seems to snap out of it, as he struggles to stand up and you scramble to help him.

“Uh, thanks for your help,” Peter clears his throat, trying to hide his embarrassment. He looks down and notices your book on the ground. “Oh here, you dropped this-“ He bends down to pick your sketchbook up but stops to look at it.

“Is this.. me?” He asks, looking up at you with wide eyes.

Oh no. “Um,” You bite your lip, mortified. “Y-Yes.” Now he’s really going to run!

A grin morphs on to his face instead. “That’s so cool!”

“Wait, really?” You raise your eyebrows.

“Y-Yeah.. it looks really good! Not that I’m self centered or anything, but you made me look good-it looks-you, uh, look good-“ His eyes widen. “I-I mean the drawing! Not that you don’t look good! You always do-” Peter stutters, making you crack a smile.

“Thank you Peter,” You interrupt him shyly, putting him out of his misery and take the sketchbook from him.

“No problem..” He blushes, scratching the back of his neck. “Hey, uh, are you free right now?”

“Oh, um, yeah I am.. Why?”

Instead of answering, he pulls out his phone and types into it quickly. “I passed!” Peter grins to himself and you quirk up a brow as he puts it away into his back pocket.

“Well, I’d like to repay you for your help.. So, would you like to share a sub with me right now?” He asks, looking at you with a nervous expression.

“Like, as a date?” The words come out of you before you can stop yourself.

“Uh, no! Of course not!” He snorts awkwardly causing your face to fall. “Unless you want it to be..” He shifts his gaze from the floor to you nervously and your mood skyrockets immediately.

“I’d love to..” You smile.

“Really?” He blinks rapidly and you nod.

“You sure you’re okay?” You ask again, worried as you notice the dry blood around his nose and he waves you off.

“I’ll be fine, if anything happens, you can take care of me.” He grins, and you let out a small giggle.

“Alright.. Well, shall we?” He smiles, standing beside you now and puts out his arm. You laugh a little at his gentlemanly actions and slip your arm around his.

“Also, quick question. Do you like your sandwiches flattened out?”

What a peculiar question.. “I love them.” You answer nonetheless.

“Perfect.” He grins and you both happily make your way down to the shop.

End.

a/n: this was so cute :’))) someone find me a Peter Parker pls !

#tom holland fic #tom holland fluff #tom holland angst #tom holland #thomas stanley holland #peter #peter parker #spiderman: homecoming #spiderman #spiderboy #tom holland smut #peter parker fluff #peter parker angst #peter parker smut

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byunrelatable · 6 years

Note

ok on the ask game, 5 + 19 !! this is gonna get long bear with me oof. i’ve confessed to two people, one was a boy that i was once close with but he ignored me after we broke up :”) it’s fine he’s an ass anyway. but the second person is my current gf and holy uh this is actually kinda personal so i won’t go too in depth but we can say i did it bc it was too much not to anymore (pt 1/?)

.hi kam!! i love u thanks for the asks and thanks for sharing your story!! im really glad things worked out with you and your gf, sounds like you two have truly been through thick and thin together, you must have a very strong bond. that makes my heart feel very warm, im so happy for you!!

im going to put the rest of your asks, as well as my responses to the questions, under the cut so this doesnt become a super long post. to answer 5 and 19 in short, i will say that my answer to 5. have you ever confessed your feelings to someone? is yes, and its an embarrassing story, it also involves underage drinking so anyone uncomfy with that should not look under the cut!! and my answer to 19. share a positive memory about the last person you texted, i’ll probably keep that answer pretty short but true to my word, everything is going under the cut from here on out. thank you for sharing your story kam

send me two way asks!!

here’s the rest of kam’s asks:

we didn’t date then bc things were complicated (like i said, pERSONAL) and i,,,, did it a second time with her months later,,,,, i wouldn’t have if my friends didn’t push me to do it but they did annnddd we started dating then!! and haaaaa i uh,,,, did it once more at the end of feb this year,,,,,, bc we weren’t together at the time (this is also very personal so i could tell you abt the whole thing privately if you wanted) (pt 2/?)

in short i woke up and she asked me to be her gf again sOo, lol it’s all fun. aaannnddd here we go okay i literally just texted my gf as i write this oof but i think one of the fondest memories i have is both kinda negative but i view it positively? it was around the end of january in 2016 and we had been talking for a month or so. at the time i wasn’t in the best state of mind. (pt ¾)

i don’t remember the conversation word for word, but i have recollection of crying a lot at school waiting for my exam and just realizing how much i cared abt her and her about me and i think that marks the moment we became best friends rlly and damn who would even think to get to where we are now oof not me?? (pt 4/4 i went all out i’m sorryajsndnf)

what a story!!! like i said before, im really glad it all came together in the end, and that you have such a wonderful supportive gf

5. have you ever confessed your feelings to someone? yeah okay. from seventh grade until 11th i had a huge crush on this boy in my class. he was always doing crazy cool exchange programs. in 8th grade he went to school in coasta rica for a year, we e-mailed (lmao) all the time while he was gone. he came back in 9th grade and i was so so excited to see him again. he left again in 10th grade, and that was a hard year for me. my dad and step mom (who practically raised me) were getting divorced and i was going through some weird shit with an older guy (gross. he’s gross and predatory and i didnt know better cause i was like 15/16). so i started drinking and sneaking out and partying.

the kid i had a crush on came back in 11th grade and i was ecstatic. we picked up our friendship where we left it off. but here’s the kicker: he was (and probably still is? but probably isnt as much of a hardass about it) a devout christian, and drinking was NOT in line with his values. he had heard from his mom that i had been doing stuff like that, and he brought it up and said he was concerned. i told him i’d stop, because i was young and i had had a crush on this kid for over four years at this point, and our mutual friend kept dropping hints that he was interested, and.. sigh. so i told him i’d cut the partying and he said he had to see it. fast forward to spring, i applied and got into a program which sends students to japan for two weeks, and this kid also got in, and i was STOKED to be in japan with him for two weeks. the first week it was fun. our last night in tokyo, i wanted to spend some time alone with him, and the rest of our friends were planning to buy some sake (we were literally 16 but they did it, they didnt get carded) and drink it at the hotel, and they wanted me to distract him cause they were worried he’d rat them out, and i was so down to try that because i wanted to spend time with him anyways. so i asked if he wanted to go on an adventure–just go get on a random subway line and see where it leads. he kinda blew me off, which stung. then in an effort to get him to hang out with me, i told him what the other kids were planning (they had specifically told me not to tell him). i told him, and said “so i really think we should just go somewhere else so we dont have to be around that.” he didnt listen to me, instead he followed the rest of the group into the convenience store and they were like uhhh, then he went up to my friend hannah and was like “so you’re buying sake huh?” and she looked at me like what the fuck arianna and i looked at her like im sorry i couldnt get him to come with me and he was like whatever and then he left the convenience store and our other friend jay went with him. i assumed they went back to the hotel. so i went back as well but they werent there. when i asked someone else where they were, they said “oh, they went out into the city on a random subway line just to go on an adventure!” the literal exact thing i had suggested. i was livid. moreso, i was really hurt. so i decided to say fuck it and get drunk, cause i had been abstaining from alcohol ALL YEAR for the sake of this ONE GUY who had really played me and led me on ALL FUCKING YEAR and lowkey for the past FOUR YEARS. so i was like, whatever. so i got drunk. then jay and the guy came back from their adventure. i asked my other drunk companions if i seemed sober (bad, bad idea. they were not good judges) they all said i seemed fine, so i went to give the kid a piece of my mind. get to his room and its just him cause his roommate had been with us in the drinking room. so i say, hey i need to talk to you. the first thing he asks is if i had drank, and i said no, like a liar with a big fat crush. then we sit down on opposite beds, and i told him i was really hurt that he rejected my offer to go on an adventure and immediately did the same thing with jay. he gave me a bs excuse like “it was kinda spontaneous” and i was like, thats bullshit. then i poured out my heart, about crushing on him for the last four years, about being a good friend when he dated hannahkate in seventh grade, about always waiting for him to come back, about working so hard to stop drinking just to be the person he wanted me to be. and i told him i loved him.

his response? “thank you for telling me.” and it shattered my heart.

when he walked me to the door of his room, he said “by the way. you were slurring the whole time, and your breath smells like alcohol. i knew you had drank from the start.” needless to say, THAT was embarrassing.

i go back to the room, drink more, eventually everyone leaves and its me and hannah. i tell her what happened, freak out a bit, cry.

the next day we woke up kinda early and went to this man-made island place i dont remember the name of, and we spent the day there. i was really quiet and reserved all day (not like me, then or now). i did not eat. when we got back to the hotel that night, hannah gave me a melon bread, and i said i wasnt hungry. she said “you havent eaten all day. if you dont eat this right now, im going to take your phone, delete [kid’s name] from all your contacts, delete every picture or video you have on your phone, erase him from your life. do you want that?” to which i said, no. and i ate the bread. it was tough love and i needed it. i was a little better the next day.

a few days later in kyoto the kid and i talked on a rooftop at sunset. i felt a little better after that. it was hard going through all of that, after four years of pining for him, but.. it was good. it was closure. i laid my cards on the table, i finally told him how i felt, and he rejected me. and it hurt, but there was nothing left to say, and it finally closed that door that had been slightly ajar for four years. and i was able to move on after that, fairly quickly actually. jumping back into partying cause i didnt have someone to impress kind of helped. well, it also kind of spun my life off in a horrible direction that led to a horrible depressing senior year of high school, but thats another story.

yeesh, that was long. on to the next one!!

19. share a positive memory about the last person you texted the most recent person i texted is my friend named nico. the first memory that comes to mind is last summer, we used to hang out a lot, one night we went to this 24 hour diner called beth’s cafe that we both love. we went at like 4 am and it was so so so fun. afterwards we watched emperors new groove in his bed and then passed out. i love nico so much. we used to be a lot closer in the summer, but at the end of summer i fucked up and we had a falling out. we still are friends and we still talk (i.e. we texted today planning to hang out this week) but.. its not the same. and i really miss the way things were before. golly isnt that bittersweet. now im a lil sad. but thats okay

thank you to anyone who read all that garbage uidsgfihjs

#asks #lovely mutuals #GOSH my confession story is LOOONG

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reyneclaw · 4 years

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i’m a waste of money, i don’t have pets or even plants dependent on me, i don’t want to face all the old problems once again. i don’t want to fail my winter exams, i’ve only occasionally had a rare B, never lower than that... they won’t recognize that i need help even if i say it to their face. it’s all in your head get over it. they’d think i stopped caring abt grades. as if. seriously, i need to get on antidepressants, otherwise... i need to graduate with honors bc mom will be proud. it’s not like there’s nothing to live for... they did invite me back to spain. well, they’d probably be sorry and keep on with their lives just fine. it boils down to... i need to pass the exams. i need to survive and avoid dropping out for half year. which means pills, or i stg i’d do it sooner. i need to write the thesis. it’s simple, in theory. chapter 1 theory some 15 pages. lol. got the hang of it. chapter 2 sample, description of sample, some 25 pages + i have some from last year. conclusion: we found this and that. for each concept that we have analyzed. some 3 pages. introduction we’re researching this topic which has been previously researched by XYZ, proving this and that point, using these methods (i know the methods). and that’s it. lol. TAW will help she’s interested too. looks easy once you stop crying. like i could do all of that here in a month. or less. if i had the books. but i’ll need to balance that with classes...

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whyshanti · 4 years

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twenty nineteen. periodt.

i genuinely felt the need to write this because i was bored i have not written anything in a really long time. but mostly because there’s only a few who might read this and not care afterwards. it sucks to not be able to do something that i used to enjoy for quite a while. but here i am!

a lot of thoughts to unburden and a lot of unspoken feelings to unpack. let’s get to it, bih.

1. this year felt like it was dragging on. i wanted it to end asap.

so this year, i actually had A LOT of time. where did it go?

to: movies, series, anime, music, watching youtube videos, breakdowns, feeling stuck & paralyzed, academics, reading articles about pop culture & mainstream shit, going out with friends, chatting random ppl at night bc i thought i could trust them (and some of them, i can), and etc.

but on a more serious note, i really was more into the world of media, of both mainstream and indie worlds. i still can’t believe i got through this semester when i have been doing these things unrelated to uni. some ppl are also baffled by this activity log that i have.

point is: i felt like a walking zombie. probably looked like one as well. there is this routine that i have to do and i got really sick of myself. i didn’t have the motivation to strive more. i was always either sleeping (at least for the first half of the year) or watching. it all feels lifeless. the latter part of the year, my body clock was wrecked. i did not like the weather during daytime. at all. i slept during the day when i did not have classes then i was awake at night. but i try to get as much sleep as i can because my health is declining. i think.

also this year felt like it had 3 sequels. unnecessary, boring, full-of-jump-scares type of sequels. fuck.

2. feeling anxious and chill at the same time.

the only thing that made me feel chill at the latter part of the year is the fact that this shit... like all these shitty things we’ve been doing... will pass anyway.

i don’t know if it’s because of the new system that was implemented but it definitely feels like the stress levels were high only during exam weeks. for real. i am grateful to have THAT kind of “stress privilege (??)” but i also wish i was stressing over something that gives me LIFE. i know i’m studying for something that will actually help me provide something for myself and for my family but my soul (oh crap here’s where things get cheesy) screams i should do something else.

my friend always tells me to chill but i couldn’t because there’s always that nagging thought that i have to do something productive everyday. i think it stems from past disappointments, failed expectations from ppl close to me, and just basically feeling like a failure. i’m a frantic mess who somehow has the time to do unnecessary things. wish the energy was put into finishing acads on time or earlier, but here we are. think they meant that i should be chill with mysef. to be kind to myself. to not panic and breathe.

another thing is that there’s a load of information shoved in my head that really paralyzes me to act on something.

3. leaving behind the things i’ve outgrown.

it’s so funny how i’ve met few new people this year who i already treasure only to have quite a number of people to walk out of my life.

it’s not really surprising to me. i think we all wanted it to happen anyway. i’m just happy that things kind of subtly fell apart for things to make more sense. the feeling is kind of like how a misplaced puzzle piece is put into its rightful place. finally, i don’t have to force myself and i think the feelings are mutual. anyway, this year was a revelation in itself despite how dragging the pacing felt. love how the gunk went out and i see now what i’ve been blind to. chuck the deuce! definitely a thank u, next moment.

4. meeting new people, unexpected unions.

i definitely did not expect to form connections and be reunited with some of my old friends this year. also witnessed deepened friendships.

there’s always this thing where i put my energy on a high level when i’m meeting new people just to seem decent and happy then slowly revealing how tired, sad, and boring i can be. then there’s that fear of losing people’s interest in me or people not becoming excited to talk to me about... anything really. never thought i’d have this fear of losing certain people in my life. i want to detach myself from that and from people themselves too (in a healthy way ofc).

i’ve never ever felt like i could lose people in an instant. there’s that thing where i worry if i’m too much or i’m lacking for people. so i appreciate people who let me know if i’m crossing the line or if i’m doing something that completely annoys them because i really want to be part of people’s lives, meaningfully and genuinely. a good one. i don’t want to half-ass my relationships with other people and i seek loving relationships that thrive and inspire where it doesn’t only get good at the start but is continually progressing even when we don’t see each other often. it’s fascinating how as we get older, we see how relationships are not as simple as we think they are but really are simple at the same time. we have different goals, we are at different stages in our lives, we are facing shit that nobody else seems to understand and things that don’t seem to end, and we can only hope that our mere presence and emotionally available hearts will listen to whatever the other person has to unburden.

to somehow let them know that they don’t need permission to rest and to do things that they are afraid of pursuing.

4a. discovering new artists.

AURORA: the most underrated artist for sure. watched every interview/video/set because she is that bitch. her SONGS, man. i swear. she is that ethereal fairy from the forest. her fucking voice just draws me in. she deserved a better role in frozen 2 tho. she needs to be a lead in a musical animated movie. idc idc i said what i said.

beabadoobee: fucking rockstar, reviving the 90s grunge music and looks.

Billie Eilish: a badass. hate how she still stans bieber tho.

5. daydreaming of a new life.

you don’t know how many times i’ve been dreaming to have a big house.

it’s time. we really need a new house. i’m not, as what the kids say, vibing with this old house anymore. this is what i wish to leave behind as soon as possible. how do i even get the MONEY to afford it? i’m just hoping for a miracle to happen, you know. i really wish my family gets to be in a better home soon.

i think if u know me, u might have caught me spacing out a few times.

idk why this always happens. it’s so rude to the person speaking to me but my mind literally drifts off to another planet. it’s not that they’re boring. i just can’t help it. i feel like shit thinking about how many times it has happened to me.

sometimes, i dream of being this whole new different person.

someone who is better than who i am. someone who is good at something and is passionate about the things she does. there are a lot of things i am interested in doing but i don’t have the courage to actually do it. idk why i always turn into a statue when i think of things that i wanna do.

6. God.

it’s been a long time. i have lost contact with You but You are always there to patch things up for me. every effin’ time. i cry everytime.

it must be because i was raised in a christian setting. that’s why i always think it’s You who’s working behind the scenes. but still i am grateful.

saved me from certain people.

saved me this semester.

saved me from pulling worthless all-nighters.

provided me financially esp when i thought i had nothing.

prevented a severe acid reflux situation.

gave me new friends.

did literally so many things that saved me from bad situations and people in general like WHO DOES THAT??

7. a life without a plan.

this is literally what i wanted to happen. not carelessly but like where i don’t have to worry about what to do next. just let things be and go with the flow. the first half of this year, i really did not think things through as i normally would and i let plans fall just to enjoy what was in front of me. be at ease and be present during that time. and i did. it was a peaceful, cheery time tbh.

8. every day i wanted to start over just to get over a lot of things.

9. i missed a lot of ppl.

10. i wanted to be held. not by a certain someone. not romantically. but by anyone close to me. *plays i’m with you by avril lavigne*

sometimes we all just need a long hug. that’s all. and it’d be nice to hear more stories from people. :)

11. not everybody will reciprocate the same energy that i send out to them and it’s okay.

this bummed me out. felt like an effin’ loser but i’ve learned that people have businesses to do. life doesn’t always happen the way we want it to.

12. this the final year of college. just finish it already, dumbass.

13. why can’t i just be kathryn bernardo or AURORA for like a month or a year? i promise i will not ruin their careers lmao.

14. i want to make major changes in my stupid life but money is an issue.

15. the stars are below the sky now.

the state of the environment is the same as of our minds. polluted and overloaded with gibberish to the point that we get scared of doing one thing at a time and where we also don’t throw away the unnecessary baggage/s.

we’re so intent on doing things all at the same time. finishing everything in one sitting. being productive became an addiction and it scared me how i was becoming affected by this. there’s this constant thought that we collectively share which is to do something by every day and it only adds up to people’s anxiety and depression. social media definitely made us aware of mental illnesses/disorders but then it became a trend. people self-diagnose themselves and end up with the wrong treatment. some people use it as a tool to get followers and... ugh it’s all a mess. i hope people get the right treatment/s AND/or professional help because if they don’t, they’ll lose themselves. i mean... just look at the sky. there’s literally no sign of a star now if u live in the city. we’ve lost sight of what should guide us. we are unconsciously following a false light thru our devices.

i’m not good at analogies or at explaining things as u can tell. but moving on...

this hyper self-awareness that i have gained from social media has its advantages but is also distracting me from living my best life. i didn’t realize that i was making my own christmas lights inside my seemingly dark mind when really... it’s just clouded by all this information that’s coming in fast and has affected who i am and certain areas of my life. i’ve almost forgotten this and i’ve come to believe again that there’s always an ever-present light and it will take time to get used to its brightness once my mind gets clearer by the day. hopefully, it will.

anyway, CLIMATE CHANGE IS REAL AND WE NEED TO SAVE EARTH.

16. men are trash.

17. the people who i should avoid always looks odd or unpleasant and has bad energy. i know shit when i sense one.

18. i’m not happy with my life and with who i am but i’ll work with what i’ve got.

life gives u a mirror and shits on your face. sheesh.

for some reason, i can’t forget what my adviser told me during my 4th year of high school. she told me “it seems like you’re a person full of regrets” and every time i have a cryfest, i think of that. idk why. (never underestimate the power of a few words, folks). you know how like in flow charts, u encounter decision points? the diamond shapes? i think i always decide no and end up with the worst consequence and then there’s no more starting over.

i don’t think i understand flow charts well. ugh.

i can’t come up with a cool transition to me having insecurities so let’s say i did!

some people’s beauty, inspiring. but others just make you feel like shit.

i really want to explore my feminine side more because i was more masculine when i was younger. i’m not gentle, i’m a bit aggressive. and it just doesn’t fit with who i want to be. idk why. and also, it’s fun (!!!). you get a taste of what it’s like and it’s so EMPOWERING at least for the short experience that i had. but can make me feel very conscious of my entire being and i just end up wearing cartoony disguises. ironic but BABY STEPS. when i think about it, there’s really no black or white answer whether this or that is feminine or masculine.

self-love is not a 5-step process.

it is continuous improvement of oneself to the point where you don’t give a fuck about what they say. i really envy the ones who are comfortable in their own skin, who are totally embracing their flaws. they just bloom. some people just look like them. like it’s SO THEM. unmistakably them. and i think if everyone had that, we would not have standards anymore.

oh, to live in a time where individuality is encouraged but is also discouraged when not lived up to its standards. hurray.

19. this year was the year of mindless decisions. periodt.

20. hoping that the new year, 2020, will be the year of CLARITY where i know who i really am, embracing it, and where i will not be taking anymore of anyone’s bullshit. where i know where i stand in my relationships with other people and vice versa. there will be intentional but meaningful endings that will pave the way for blossoming beginnings.

let’s hope it unfolds the way it should be. for the better.

bonus: nobody knows what the fuck they’re doing. everyone’s just going with the flow. be yourself.

note: this is a compilation of thoughts, informally. thank u.

#2019

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illfoandillfie · 3 years

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Hi, a tarot reading for a specific question please. This guy L and I have been fucking around a bit whenever we get drunk for the past two months, nothing serious. For me it’s just for the fun of it, I hope it’s the same for him. But he’s kind of in a rough spot right now. He’s the type to try and distract himself from his problems tho. I don’t know if I should start anything the next time I see him (tho idk when that’ll be bc of our exams)? I'm also not sure about his feelings. Thanks!

thank you for that clarification! hopefully this helps clear things up for you!

tarot: ace of wands, justice, king of cups, 4 of cups, ace of cups, the high priestess, 2 of pentacles.

So I focused on asking about L’s feelings regarding the casual hookups to try and gauge where he’s at with it all. If you have any follow up questions though feel free to ask and I’ll pull more cards (probably over the weekend lmao)

Anyway. The first card is the ace of wands. This symbolises desire, creation, willpower and inspiration. And it’s being clarified by the 4 of cups (contemplation, disappointment, overactive imagination) as well as the ace of cups (new feelings, attraction, new relationships). From these cards it looks like he might be thinking about something more serious than you are. With the ace of wands it definitely started off as just a fun sort of thing, just a desire to make out a little or whatever but with the other two cards it seems like that might not be enough for him anymore and he’s starting to develop feelings towards you.

Our next cards are justice and the high priestess. Now, the justice card is about balance, clarity and truth. You said that L is in a rough spot right now and this card is making me feel like he’s trying to rebalance his life by forming an attachment with you. Like, things aren’t going well for him in one aspect of his life so he’s trying to create a positive shift in another area, if that makes sense. Generally this card in a romance reading would indicate an almost karmic return - a partner treating you as well as you treat them, if you cheat the truth will come out but if you put in effort you’ll be met with a supportive and caring partner. But in relation to L it feels like a very internal sort of a decision where he’s trying to tip the scales in his favour a little bit and has (consciously or subconsciously) come to the conclusion that what you’re doing is fun and good so taking it further can only be better. I think part of what makes it feel like that is that justice is being clarified by the high priestess. The high priestess is a card of secrets and mystery but also intuition and an inner voice. There’s some really interesting connections with these cards. truth and clarity vs mystery and an unrevealed future. But ultimately the high priestess is about knowledge and listening to that small intuitive voice in your head. If L’s inner voice is telling him you can provide a form of happiness that he’s not getting somewhere else and can rebalance his life, then he may be considering that option.

Our final two cards are the king of cups and the two of pentacles. The king could represent L or it could be you. Because I was asking about L’s thoughts on your situation while I was drawing the cards I would be inclined to say it’s possibly how he views himself but, you may have a clearer idea of who the king is representing. So, the king of cups is compassionate but in control. He’s mature and wise (because he’s a king) as well as creative and a good friend. Interestingly there’s a connection to the high priestess as the king can also represent the unconscious, particularly connected to emotions. But, even more interestingly there’s a connection to justice here as well as the two of pentacles. Balance. All three of those cards (justice. king of cups. 2 of pents.) are related to balance in some for or other.

Justice, being major arcana, is like the big picture stuff, it’s the balance of the universe. The king of cups is an internal balance between intellect and emotions. And the 2 of pentacles is a day to day sort of balance - balancing priorities or decisions and adapting to changes. But balance is clearly a key part of L’s feelings towards you and about your hook up situation. I can’t say if it’s a choice he’s settled on or a vague notion in the back of his head or just a feeling he hasn’t even really noticed yet but there’s definitely a strong chance he’s projecting more feelings onto your encounters than you are and probably more than he should be.

I also pulled from my channelled messages oracle deck to try and get a sense of what his thoughts regarding you might be. Take these with as many grains of salt as you like. Anyway, here’s what the messages say:

I want to get you drunk. Listen. I nearly screamed when this one came out. Clearly, he enjoys being with you while you’re both drinking and fooling around and would like it to happen again. But under it we have this love scares me. Now in this deck, grey cards reflect confusion so this isn’t a clear thought he’s having, likely it’s not even really consciously “love”. He might know he’s attracted to you and that something in how he sees you has shifted but he’s not fully aware of exactly how or why and so it’s kind of unnerving him a little. Part of his interest in seeing you again under similar circumstances to the last however many times might be related to curiosity and wondering if something really has changed.

Then we have I just wish things were different. To me this is about his general situation, the rough spot he’s in. There’s a desire for it to be different, better. And then under it is you make my heart full. Which seems to evoke a similar sort of vibe to that justice card where thoughts of you and the fun you have together are sort of an antidote to the shit he’s experiencing elsewhere. Mentioning his heart is also another indicator that the king of cups is his version of himself because the suit of cups is tied to the heart and emotions and having a handle on them.

...Maybe... another card of confusion and followed by the bold and bright Love Me. This is another sort of thought that isn’t deliberate (yet). He’s only beginning to piece together the connection he’s seemed to have formed between things bad but you good and this is like his brain clicking over and joining the dots and arriving at... love me....maybe. It’s still not certain but the is the seed of an idea there.

Then we have I just want you all the time and I want a fresh start with you, both in reverse. This is one of the few decks where I actually taking reversals into consideration because I think reversing a card can change the meaning of the words. And I think it definitely does with these. He doesn’t want you all the time, he enjoys being with you when you are together but this reversal shows that it’s not a desperate need to be with you, it’s not his main driving force whenever you see each other. He likes you, he has fun with you, but he hasn’t yet reached a point of wanting to pursue you. The fresh start one definitely has the energy of an ace (hence the giant 1 on the card lmao) and if that was the right way around I’d say it was an indicator of him wanting to ask you out and move your relationship to the next level. BUT. With it being reversed, I don’t feel like that’s the case. I think theres a possibility it could one day reach that point, especially if his rough spot doesn’t start to smooth over any time soon, but for now it’s a bit of a passing fancy, a little crush maybe.

#card readings #last one for tonight #i'll get to the rest of them asap but probably not until the weekend

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lazytacomoon-blog · 6 years

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