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#anyway i should just go to sleep and stop thinking
nuumbie · 3 days
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KARMA’S A DOG.
Prompt: You’re a prized worker at the IPC Marketing Department. You spend your days waiting for that flash of black.
Trigger Warning: Reader is mentally ill and a little shit head. Curse Words. General Violent Terms and Reader Gets Ragdolled. Boothill is NOT into you!!! He actually hates you! Guilt! Etc, etc… it’s just all hurt no comfort.
Author’s Note: Written to celebrate his trailer. Save a horse. Ride a cowboy. Contains spoilers regarding his character story.
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He’s resting peacefully. This should still count as sleep. You pose the question in your head if you replace the pieces of something, how far until the thing is something else entirely. But he’s still alive. You find relish in that.
He still has his head. Maybe, that’s all he has. You wonder how the surgery must have gone. Of course you’ve met people who’ve changed themselves so drastically with robotics that you couldn’t recognize them after the surgeries. It’s a rebirth in ways. When you change so dramatically that you’re a different person by the end. His body’s 90% metal. 10% flesh. So, wouldn’t it be the cybernetics that win?
Despite everything. You don’t think so. Perhaps, that’s all that he needs. I think therefore I am. There’s no doubt he’s alive. Not to you, anyway. He’s brimming with human life. He’s more alive than you. Not in the same way where the question poses in your mind with other beings, or creatures, Boothill is obstinately simple.
You like that. He’s simple. The Hunt is straight forward. A single path. A single road. You like that you don’t have to read his intentions. You know what he wants and why.
Boothill. Galaxy Ranger. IPC Hunter. The Man who just tried to sneak into your office and put a bullet through your head like he has with many of your employees, those who’ve worked directly under you no less. You know. Most criminals don’t get this far. Not far at all past Pier Point. Oswaldo will have a riot.
If he knew he would. You’re not going to tell him.
Boothill is special.
The cowboy opens his eyes. Your personal grim reaper.
“I see you’re awake.” You smile in a loving way. If you can even manage that. People who can control their expressions make it seem so easy. Laying across his chest. You’ve opened up his core to play with his inner circuits. He must not like that, though considering there’s a burning hatred in his eyes which threatens to scorch you. You glance up towards his face and sigh and ignoring the lingering, simmering, resentment. His body is heating up beneath your touch. So, maybe it resonates with his feelings, you wonder if his body steams. “We need to stop meeting like this. You’re going to make me think you’re obsessed with me.”
It’s the opposite way around. You know that. But the very idea that it isn’t causes him to lunge at you. The cowboy turns into nothing more than a blur, all the wires connected to the body collecting samples that took at least a good thirty minutes pulled from him. Some ripped from the walls, and in instants he’s on you.
“You dang—“ his hands make its way to your shoulders, you’re flipped without hesitation. his hands grasping you down, he lays on top of you. breath heavy. robots don’t breathe, though, so you try to think of another word as he catches himself and tries to make it so he’s the one on top. “— you again!?”
“I’ve been meaning to get my hands on you… you oughta’… you ANGEL!” He screeches. Music to your ears as he shakes you more like you’re more ragdoll than person. “AEONS, it’s so freaking annoying! You absolute delight! How did I lose to…”
“Thank you so much for the compliment.” You smile back. Probably the only one getting anything out of this arrangement. Pinned against the floor hand pressed tightly against your waist so you can’t struggle. He should’ve pressed it against your mouth. But it isn’t like you’re going to scream. You’re certain. Lots of women would love to be in this position you’re currently in. But it’s you. And this is far from some sweet, pure, little romantic story. You’re not delusional. Though, you act like you are purely because it annoys him. It’s good for him to build up his rage, his contentment, good. “I was just looking over your upgrades since the last time you invaded Pier Point. As for asking how I beat you~…”
“The electronic upgrade was not the best idea.” You smile. “If we can control your language, your body isn’t hard especially for a renowned genius like me. Have to talk to your doctor about that. You’re lucky I’m the one that found you. Where’s my thanks?”
“Aeons, of COURSE you Market-Phonies have something to annoy the DANGNATION out of me.” he grinds his teeth, looking around for his pistol. making a point about how dead he wants you. you can feel his grip loosen and tighten. he’s likely processing which one would get you to be quieter. “Where’d you put it? My gun. I’ve decided. I’m killing you now. Puttin’ ya out of your misery, sweet-face! You think this is rough? Think of a 9mm lead in your skull will be?”
“Cabinet.” You put on your best smile. “For me?”
“Of course for you. Love you.” You didn’t take away his ability to say hate. So, he must have said something like screw. Or maybe it’s a replacement for something else? You just know it’s bad. “You knew this was coming. I’m not going to miss my shot again. You should’ve killed me when you had the chance.”
You did know it was coming. You wished he would get the one person above you first so you could witness your boss with his brains blown out, the outcries that an Emanator of Qlipoth killed. You could have gotten wine with Diamond and laughed about it and died happy knowing the world was washed clean forever of Oswaldo Schneider.
But you can’t be so lucky. You’ll have to wish him luck. If he actually manages to kill you that is — you’re not making it hard.
He grabs you by the neck so you can’t struggle away to call help. The iron hands encased over your neck like a shackle isn’t a bad feeling. You almost quote as such so he might grab you a little tighter. Sadly, it seems his finger is directly over your windpipe— making talking an impossibility. He really doesn’t want you to run. Not like you would. Dragging you as he goes towards the cabinet. He presses you against the wall one-handed.
Using his other hand to peruse through your belongings. Even if you struggled. You doubt you could make a dent against the material. You’ve always been more of a pen instead of a sword guy.
It seems he’s smarter than you thought. Since, he checks the bullets in the gun. Rather show-offishly, too. He clicks the trigger against your head and nothing comes out. He counts them out, too. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.
You already knew that none of the shots would ring. But here’s a certain heart-pounding feeling even if you know it’s empty. He clutches the gun even tighter.
Obviously, you’ve cleaned them out. He glares at you. Of course you’re the one at fault. Of course you were smart enough to know the first thing he’d do when he woke up was try to kill you. Of course you wanted to see the look on his face when he got his gun back when he realized it was empty. “Don’t you have spares? You eat them, don’t you? Just shit them out.” You smile. It’s hard to talk.
The floor hits you. Hard. Or maybe you hit the floor? Either way. It hurts. Your head spins. But, you collect yourself. Maybe. Dizzy people often can’t tell they’re dizzy. “You going to kill me right? You don’t need a gun to do that. To make it painful. To get your little revenge.” You’re sputtering. Aeons. It be embarrassing if you didn’t say that. If you’re slurring. Though who are you to ask for a clean death?
“I don’t get you.” Boothil’s boot presses against your chest— “make up your mind, you wanna die or not? You’re seriously flip-flopping.”
You smile back at him from the floor. “I’d rather my employees not go down with me when you’ve got to escape. Jeremy just got a promotion. You won’t die here, will you space cowboy? So, you’ll have to make your way out.”
“Might as well limit the casualties.”
“You took everything from me.” Robots don’t stumble over their words. Robots don’t hold grudges. People do. People live for others. “What right do you have? You have way more blood on your hands than I do.”
“You’re not wrong.” you repeat, quietly. “It’s karma. It’s justice. I’m so happy you exist.”
“I could never ever dream of it. I could never.” You smile. “So I’m glad that you did. Thank you.”
He looks down at you.
He steps back. You already know. Too self-aware for your own good.
Maybe you should have shut up. You already know you’ve messed it all up. The way he looks at you.
“Everyone here’s so fluffed up.” he grimaces. rubbing his shoe against the floor. “Anyone the IPC touches get’s gosh-dang ruined.”
You know why he did. You ruined his life. You did. So, it was only fair he did the same in return—
Reaching out— before you realize it. “Hey, wait.”
“You’re not dragging me down with you! I want you to pay I’m not letting you off easy. When we meet again. I’ll have changed this place forever. And you’ll be forced to live with yourself.”
He doesn’t even look at you.
He lets you go and he runs out the door. You hear the sounds of loud screams. Shooting guns. It turns into a blur after a few seconds. They’re going to fail to apprehend him. You hope.
On the messy floor. Your lab a wreak. You’re sure. They’ll come here. They’ll question you.
You’ll lie. Jade can tell. But she won’t tell on you.
“Fuck you, too.”
You put your hands over your eyes and you just ignore everything until someone comes and gets you.
You’ll meet him again. You can wait. It’s all you ever do.
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angelsrcute · 2 days
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⌗ GOOD LOOKING. 𐙚˙⋆.˚
(´∀`*)ε` ) ౨ৎ N–sfw content !! ; Dom!Tartaglia + Sub!F!Reader ➜ cws: modern au,fluff, hurt to comfort, protected sex + use of lube, praising, body worship, drunk sex, teeth-rotting fluff, Dad!Tartaglia is the dad of the year.
꒰ † ੭ — Part 2 of 7 weeks and 3 days, this is also a lyric fic! mixed up the ideas I had, some crdts to @xschizoe and anon. Hope this feeds you all!! (unfortunately scara didn't get hit by a car)
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The skyline falls as I try to make sense of it all.
How did you both get together? Long story, not that you'd complain. He's an absolute sweetheart, Tartaglia, Scaramouche's best friend. Frequent dates, showering you with gifts, spoiling the shit out of your kid. No wonder your kid doesn't listen to you anymore, just listens to your new boyfriend. You swore that you'd never let the walls in your heart down, but it did, for him.
I thought I'd uncovered your secrets but, turns out, there's more, You adored me before. Oh, my good looking boy.
Tartaglia would always give you looks when you were with scaramouche, that screamed out ‘he's not good for you, leave him.’ You never really paid any attention to them even if it was true, scaramouche was hurting you. So one night while you were working your part time job at a club, due to desperate measures– you saw him.
You both talked for hours, catching up on eachother, you broke down while talking about scaramouche but he comforted you, apparently tartaglia got a very good job. To celebrate, he ordered some expensive wine even though you refused, he assured you that he wouldn't mind.
Play casino holes of my eyeballs, Roll the dice on my thighs.
The night was a blur, all you remember drinking too much and crying, your head hurting like hell, Childe saying something. Now, you're here, in his bed. In his fucking bed. No clothes on. Tartaglia cuddling you to sleep while burying his head in your hair. Well, after you both were sober enough, he apologised, he didn't mean to sleep with you without proper consent but he just did due to the moment.
Back to the present, Childe coming into your life was the best thing that's happened in your life. You don't really mind that your child looks a bit like his father, Scaramouche nor does Childe. He'd sometimes bring his siblings to play with your child, they enjoyed every moment of it.
You stopped for breath and I sped up, Just to impress you.
You couldn't help but laugh as your husband played with your child, he currently had makeup on his face, his short hair tied into a ponytail, stylist in the making, you think.
“You look fabulous, sweetheart, you should go walk on the runway!”
“Gosh, Y/N, don't tease me like that–” Laughing together as your kid laughed too, in his arms.
Some whining before he finally put the little demon to sleep. Coming out of the room as he hugs you, prepping light kisses to your face. Leading you to your shared bedroom, “The kid is asleep, we finally have some alone time.” He whispers as he leaves trails of kisses down your chest, worshipping you like his goddess.
“Until the little demon gets hungry and calls the peasants for food!” You reply back, giggling.
“Oh cmon, Y/N, I might die of laughing too much, you'd be at fault. Also did I say Scaramouche was at the bar we hooked up in? You should've seen the look on his face!”
“What..?”
“Anyway, in the mood for a quick sex, darlin’? Wouldn't mind another little demon running around in the house.” He says while he places another kiss to your stomach with that stupid smile he charmed you with.
Oh, my good looking boy.
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Taglist : @xschizoe, @iruma-chan, @whoooismkeee, @t0matensalatxoooooo, @tartagliaboo, @magica-ren
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eds6ngel · 2 days
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Please friend, I need Eddie and his equally feral grungy little girlfriend. Think like Allison Reynolds from the Breakfast Club before they gave her the hideous pink makeover. I want these two clowns to match each other’s energy, both of them nuts about D&D and metal, and I want her to be the one member of Hellfire who is in charge of drawing these insanely intricate drawings of everyone’s player characters.
being eddie's grungy gf would include ...
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a/n: i think this calls for some headcanons! and i suppose this is my reminder to watch 'the breakfast club' as i still haven't gotten round to it ! :')
warnings: SLIGHT SMUT!! (one mention of sex, two allusions.) fem!reader. artsy!reader. grungy!reader. kissing. one mention of people calling eddie a 'freak.' tons of fluff and comfort !!
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𝜗𝜚 you guys met in your sophomore year.
𝜗𝜚 eddie had been looking to set up a d&d club at the end of the year, knowing his middle school friends (jeff & gareth) were now going to be in high school with him.
𝜗𝜚 eddie didn’t know that you played d&d at the time, but he had sneaked a glance at your notebook during art class and was very intrigued into your drawings, many which consisted of your own monsters, fairies, dragons, anything magical and mystical.
𝜗𝜚 he knew the opportunity was even greater when you were pinning ‘battle of the bands’ posters in the school hallways. he couldn’t believe it was you making those incredible designs.
𝜗𝜚 asked you right there and then if you could help him design a poster for his new club.
𝜗𝜚 you were unsure at first, wondering what the hell this random dude who was in your art class wanted a poster for.
𝜗𝜚 however, you were immediately on board when he mentioned it was for d&d.
𝜗𝜚 you were technically the first member to join his club. it was you and him against the world at that point.
𝜗𝜚 you asked some of your artsy friends who were also in the drama club if you could rent their space on friday nights for weekly campaigns.
𝜗𝜚 they reluctantly said yes just because it was you. eddie was happy as it was one of the few groups of people outside of his own friend group that weren’t calling him a ‘freak’ upon arrival.
𝜗𝜚 over the summer, you and eddie met up to discuss how the whole ordeal would work. his trailer had basically become your second home by that point.
𝜗𝜚 you had started cooking meals together, you would go out to benny’s for a quick evening bite, you even started sleeping over at his.
𝜗𝜚 you began with bringing over a sleeping bag to camp out on his floor, but it soon turned into the two of you just sharing his bed. platonically, of course.
𝜗𝜚 it wasn’t until jeff and gareth came to visit the two of you so you could start drawing their characters for eddie’s visual reference that they encouraged eddie to grow some balls and ask you out.
𝜗𝜚 it took him a couple more weeks, but he finally got there.
𝜗𝜚 luckily you felt the same and you shared your first kiss that day.
𝜗𝜚 and by the time your junior year rolled around, everything was settled in place.
𝜗𝜚 eddie let you sit on his lap during campaigns, to which the boys always complained about.
𝜗𝜚 and after the boys had left, you got up to some… not exactly PG activities on his throne.
𝜗𝜚 or your throne, should you say. eddie said that the throne was all yours, since you decorated the entire thing.
𝜗𝜚 it was actually a 50/50 split effort.
𝜗𝜚 you were the couple who annoyingly blasted metal music out of his van on late night drives at 2am.
𝜗𝜚 hopper stopped you once as you had been getting noise complaints from locals.
𝜗𝜚 you and eddie both agreed it was only because it was metal music and continued anyway.
𝜗𝜚 eddie didn’t realise how feral you were until you got together. you were pretty excitable when you were simply platonic friends, but this was a whole different level.
𝜗𝜚 he didn’t care though as he loved it (and it also transferred to the bedroom.)
𝜗𝜚 sickly PDA couple alert ! eddie’s kissing you all the time ! the boy cannot keep his hands to himself ! he’s infatuated by you !
𝜗𝜚 always sharing cassettes. the both of you never buy new albums individually anymore. you either listen to them together and nerd out, or you share them back and forth.
𝜗𝜚 friday night dates after d&d ! i repeat, friday night dates after d&d !
𝜗𝜚 followed by some truly amazing sex. thank god wayne took the late night shift on fridays. and you hoped it never changed. because it was always the best ending to your week, and you didn’t want to change it for as long as you lived.
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taglist: @cosmorant @ye0nvibezzn @tlclick73 @agxxb
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kilarthmac · 3 days
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Let's talk about Caelum.
I'm gonna preface this with saying that everyone is entitled to their opinions, and if once you're done reading this you decide you don't want to follow me or you want to block me, that's completely up to you. I'm not trying to change your opinion or attack anyone who has a different one than mine, I just wanted to put my two cents out there.
I also wanted to say that whatever your opinion on the matter is, it's yours and yours alone, and you should respect the opinions of other people even if they don't match up. I personally do not sexualize Caelum, but I do think he is an adult with childlike characteristics, and those two statements are not mutually exclusive. He can be an adult, but he also doesnt have to be put in adult situations.
It's okay to have strong feelings one way or the other about this topic, but it is not okay to harass people or go on a witch hunt for those with the opposite opinion to give them shit about what they think. If you disagree with someone and do not want to see their stuff on your timeline, just block them or scroll away. You alone are responsible for your own dash, you cannot make other people responsible for what you see on your timeline.
All that being said, I do not like how the fandom treats Caelum and Empathy Daemons in general.
My stance on the matter is that Empathy Daemons as a whole are adults, but because of how E'Laetum created them, they tend to have childlike characteristics. Those who say that Empathy Daemons are ALL children blatantly ignore the fact that Regulus is an Empathy Daemon as well, and that he has been shown to have adult tendancies (his BA, getting possessive over his charge, etc) while also maintaining his childlike characteristics (telling his charge a bedtime story to sleep, having a very one dimensional view of himself and his charge, etc). This is where I have a problem whenever I see people try to say that all Empathy Daemons are children. Regulus is clearly an adult. There is no "reading between the lines" about this.
Caelum is also an Empathy Daemon, but he is a very different character than Regulus. He is a lot more childlike compared to Regulus. He gets his words mixed up, he likes sweets, he likes hugs, etc. But in his most recent video (Your Bakadere Empathy Daemon Friend Visits You), even he says that he almost went down a path similar to Regulus' until Delphinus stepped in and assigned him to Freelancer, and that stopped him from falling (timestamps from 2:40 - 3:18, and 8:45 in that video). It may be uncomfortable for some people to think of Caelum as going down the same path that Regulus did, but this video clearly shows that he had the potential to. Caelum and Regulus are not as different as one may think.
Erik has also said himself that D(a)emons step out of the Elision Well as adults and they do not age. Of course they don't know everything so they still have to learn, but that's not the same as being a child. On top of the most recent Redacted 101 video, take this screenshot from Wonderworld (previously Redacted Records, when Erik was still in the server) from 2020, where Erik talks about how D(a)emons coalesce.
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He even mentions how in earlier Caelum videos he didn't know what he wanted the d(a)emon life cycle to be yet, and that's why he had Caelum state that he was a "kid daemon" at one point.
Not to mention the fact that in the official timeline, it shows that Caelum coalesced in 1999, and is even older than Damien.
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At the end of the day, Caelum is a fictional character. Whatever someone ends up deciding to make of him is their choice, this is a fandom after all. If it really bothers you to see what certain people make, block them and move on. DO NOT berate them for their headcanons or fanart or whatever else. People are allowed to have their own headcanons, make their own fics, and draw their own fanart. This is a fandom space, and people are allowed their creative liberties.
Anyways, that has been my two cents. Feel free to voice your opinions in the comments if u want to, but please please be respectful and don't attack anyone.
TLDR; I don't sexualize Caelum but I do think he and all Empathy Daemons are adults (ex: Regulus), everyone should respect everyone else's opinions and just block what they don't want to see on their timelines, and the fandom needs to chill out lol
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hell-drabbles · 8 hours
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Leviathan and Ra-on 2
Summary: You’ve never been more glad to have your guest bedroom be reinforced to stand even the most intense of devil king tantrums. Ra-on needs rest after too much intense fucking and Leviathan is being a demanding bastard.
(Being stuffed full to the point of inflated swelling cannot feel good on Ra-on’s inexperienced guts.)
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“Mm,” Ra-on, on the floor and in a plush pillow fort you built just to have a nice little nook to read and relax in, gingerly shifted his bruised and sore self around, “Even… breathing hurts. Ow.”
Of course his everything would hurt. After wading through a disgustingly thick river of cum that almost leaked into your bedroom–thank fuck for weather strips–and stumbling into your bed with a stomach fit for rupturing from an hours long fucking session, the fact he’s lucid at all the next day was a miracle.
What is it with devils, with Leviathan pushing Ra-on way past his limit? He’s not rubber, not one of Ra-on’s many pocket sleeves but they treat him like that anyway!
Bastards. All of them.
“At least that’s all the pain you have. If you had ruptured intestines or a prolapse, you’d be screwed.” You have little clue how to go about fixing those and you wouldn’t trust any hospital in Hell with Ra-on. Knowing how devils worked, they’d fix him right back up and then fuck him as ‘payment for their work.’ And then Ra-on would be right back where you both started, with swelled up guts and internal injuries.
Fuck this place. Fuck Hell.
“Oh. Oh!” At first, Ra-on was absent-minded, then clarity cleared his voice, “That can happen?”
You blinked, “Yes. Especially since I know you don’t own any inflation toys. Or do prep-work.”
He flushed and his face pinched up horribly. Really, like his toy collection was a secret to you. Who does he think cleans up Minhyeok’s closet? Of course you would know what he has.
“…right…” And Ra-on sank back into the pile, practically disappearing. Probably wanted to vanish actually. “I think… I’ll sleep again.” Guess that line of conversation’s done. That’s fine, you wanted to get back to reading.
“You do that. I’ll just be reading, ‘kay?”
There was only a mumble. You gave a hum back.
You can only hope that, by the time you finish this chapter or when Ra-on wakes up, the hallways will be clean and the smell will finally fade. You’d use an air freshener but you’d end up suffocating yourself with the combined smell, so all you can do is turn on the air conditioner and hope the circulation would get rid of it.
You think only an hour passed before there was a knock on your door. A knock. On your layers thick, reinforced door. The sound traveled through the very framework of this bedroom. Luckily, Ra-on was so deep asleep that the most he did was shift.
You walked to the door and turn on the intercom. You’re not surprised at the sight of Leviathan on the screen, head held at that irritating angle as though no one deserved to be at eye level with him.
The sea of cum was still flowing from the hallway behind him and the devil responsible was naked right before the camera’s sight. Ugh. You know exactly what he’s here for.
“You,” Leviathan seethed, like addressing you alone was enough to disgust him, “You have Solomon’s Son with you–”
You turned off the intercom and pressed another button. There was light clinking, the turning of gears and well built mechanisms, then it all stopped.
The only sound that remained was a very, very light clinking. Nice to know that that devil wasn’t joking about his skills and the quality of his materials. ‘Not even a devil king would be able to tear through this!’
You should take him out for drinks at some point.
“Hmm?” Ra-on raised his sleepy head up, eyes not even open, “Someone knockin’?”
“Nope,” you kicked back in your chair, “Just another one of those gross Hell mosquitoes.”
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deuxcherise · 1 day
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Cat Burglar
C/w: Unhealthy behavior, cat boy oc, yandere OC, yandere male, gender neutral reader, reader is a bit of a blank, fluff (?), mentions crime, mentions alcohol, includes cute cat pic for reference
A/n: So I had read that weasels are just like cats, especially when it comes to bringing back a hunt, and… I haven't written about a cat boy yet… That's like the first animal people usually write about… So now I did! And this is kind of a sequel to Weasel In. Enjoy~
Part 1, Part 2 (you're here!)
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You have made peace with the fact that you will never live a normal, peaceful life ever again. Not with how Eris had somehow weaseled his way into your everyday.
It was just… easier, really, letting Eris do what he wanted so long as he didn't take things too far. With your 9-5 customer service job taking its daily heavy toll off of your social battery, having to pretend 8 hours a weekday of being this peppy, happy-go-lucky person you aren’t so you can pay your bills. The economy isn't so kind to the average person after all.
“I'm really serious, (Y/n)! You should let me install some cameras!” Eris insists.
“For the last time, no,” you answer. “Aren't you watching over my house now?”
A redness appears on Eris's cheeks and he begins poking the tips of his fingers together. “Y-yeah… about that…”
You raise an eyebrow.
“I… I got a job! A high-paying one too! Actually, you should quit your job now and just let me take care of you!”
The heck? What happened to being a stay-at-home maid for you–not that you wanted him to! This is completely the opposite of what he proposed to you about a few weeks ago!
“No. What's with the change of mind all of a sudden? What job?” you ask.
Eris bites his lip and looks away. “Just thought it would be better…”
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[Yesterday…]
“Really? And what did your ‘lover’ say?”
Eris slaps his buddy on the shoulder. “Quit it with the air quotes. (Y/n) loves me and I love (Y/n). I didn’t get rejected. It's only a matter of time before (Y/n) fully accepts me. I just need to… get rid of all those flies.”
“You mean customers?”
Eris slams his fists against the wood of the bar, shaking the iced alcohol in the cups next to them.
“Don’t you get it!? They're taking advantage of (Y/n)! I can't let them ruin (Y/n)’s life like this! Did you know (Y/n)’s losing weight nowadays? Not eating properly, not sleeping properly–I'm the worst! I need to speed things up or sooner or later… I'm going to…”
Eris covers his face and starts crying into his hands. His friend attempts to comfort Eris on the back, before an idea comes into his head. He says, “Why don't you get a job? If (Y/n)–”
Eris immediately pauses and raises his head to glare at him with vicious eyes.
“–Sorry, your lover. If you get a job, then your lover can see just how reliable you are, right? Some people are more into that.”
The light in Eris's eyes appears brightly, his face softening as he is enlightened. “That's–Oh, thank you, thank you, Ollie! I was right to come to you for help with my problems. You're the best!” he says, grabbing some dollar bills from his pocket and slamming his tip down for the bartender before leaving the club swiftly. “See you next time!”
The bartender swipes and pockets the money before resuming wiping the glass. She looks at her boss and raises an eyebrow. “You aren't going to stop him?”
Ollie smirks and takes a sip of his glass, raising a finger. A second later, Eris comes back in and sits back down next to Ollie with determination in his eyes. “Ollie–”
“Yeah. You can start tomorrow.”
“Really???”
“Yeah. Consider it a favor, as a trusted friend,” Ollie says, rolling the ice ball in his cup. “Now, what kind of job are you looking for?”
Eris thinks for a moment. “Need anything with security?”
Much to the bartender’s confusion, Ollie shrugs and says, “Alright. Bouncer it is. Dad was looking to retire anyway. 4pm on the dot. Shift ends at 10, when Lyn shows up to take over, 10:30 if you take a break.”
“Great! Anything else?”
“That's it for now. Your lover must be coming home soon, right?”
“Right! Okay! Thank you so much, Ollie. Owe you one! Bye! See you tomorrow!”
Ollie raises his glass as Eris once again exits the club. The bartender gives her boss an incredulous look. “Sir, with all due respect, Mr. Eris is…”
Ollie chuckles. “Ah. Well, you've only just met him. Back in the day, when it was just the two of us against the world, I was the brains and he was the brawn. Completely unstoppable…” he sighs, placing his cup down with a little more force than expected. “What kind of person do you think (Y/n) is to turn someone like him into such a pathetic simp?”
“... Who knows?” the bartender answers.
“... Tch.”
----------
For the first time in a very long while, you went to bed by yourself.
…..
You had wished him good luck on his new job, which he took as immense praise. You were honestly pretty happy for him. Now he'll be too busy to commit crimes. Maybe he might even be too busy to bother you!
….. 
It wasn't like… you missed Eris, in fact this is better for the both of you! You aren't even lovers or anything like that!
…..
It's just that… you may have… accidentally… gotten used to the way Eris's head curled up under your chin, the ways his arms wrapped around your torso, the way his legs tangled with yours, and how he'd sometimes murmur stupid things like, “I love you” or “Marry me” in his sleep.
…..
Whatever! You roll and face to the other side of your bed that strangely feels a lot bigger than you remember. You squeeze your eyes tightly, trying to will yourself to sleep.
Creeeaaaak.
You quickly sit up straight, expecting to see Eris when instead you face some stranger, glaring down at you with illuminated eyes.
Next thing you know, the stranger has you back down on your bed with an iron grip wrapped around your throat. Tight enough to be uncomfortable but not enough to cut off your air supply.
“Huh… I don't understand what he sees in you.”
“W-who?” you croak, grabbing at their arm.
The intruder narrows his cat-like eyes at you, pupils moving erratically as they scrutinize you. “I could so easily kill you right now…” he spits, before letting go of your neck, “but I won't. Only because Eris is my friend.”
The moment he lets go, grab your neck and massage the forming bruise, inhaling all of the air you can get as you absorb the situation.
Eris?? Oh great! He's not here to snugg–be your hugging pillow as per usual, and now a friend of his came all the here who knows where to threaten you? For being associated with him? Great. You're glad at least this one isn't strangely fascinated by you. It's a nice change of pace from the usual…
Ollie is somehow strangely fascinated by you. You're more quiet and lackluster than Eris had described you to be, like right now probably lost in your thoughts. Are you really Eris’s type? Eris, the type of person who just chases and strikes whenever and whoever he pleases? You don't look afraid of him at all, and it pisses him off. What's with that blank face of yours, huh??
The intruder looks pissed off for some reason, with how narrow his eyes are and the way he hisses under his breath. You try to think of words to say to the intruder, only for your stomach to make its announcement with a grumble.
“You want something to eat?” you ask, nonchalantly.
“.....”
You don't wait for him to answer as you flip off the blanket and head out of the bedroom.
“Oi! Wait a second! How dare you walk away from me!”
You pay him no mind and open up the fridge, revealing a few plastic-covered dishes made by Eris for you to eat over a span of several days. You ignore the pang in your chest as you grab one of them out that had rice in it to reheat a portion of it in a bowl in the microwave.
Ollie stands a distance from you, brows furrowed at how ridiculous this situation is. A stranger just broke into your home, without a key, and you're here just offering to feed him? What the fuck…
As you wait for the microwave to finish, you suddenly feel nostalgic about how you met Eris.
It was a few months ago, when he broke into your apartment the first time. You had been very afraid when you discovered him at that time, shrieking at him and threatening to call the police, before your rumbling tummy decided to add some unneeded humor to the situation. Too tired and famished, you had no choice but to let Eris feed you some food he had been making.
Ding!
You sigh, taking out the bowl of Eris's home cooking and settling down on the couch with a pair of chopsticks before munching on it.
The audacity. Didn't you offer him a bite earlier? Wasn’t that bowl meant for him? Why are you eating it by yourself!? Ollie heads over to the couch and hisses at you before he snatches the bowl from your hands.
“Excuse me??” you snap.
“Hmph!” He takes the chopsticks and starts shoveling down the rice and toppings, much to your horror. Once he's licked it completely clean, he throws it onto the ground without much concern.
You stand up. “Hey! What the heck are you doing? Don't just throw stuff on the ground! No manners, tch.”
You were less angry about the bowl and more about the fact that he ate Eris's homecooking before you go to today. How dare he??
Ollie flinches, having not expected your voice to reach as loud as it did. He watches you walk past him, crouch down, and pick up the unbroken bowl and pair of chopsticks to put in the sink. Your face is visibly angry, different from your blank face and nonchalant attitude earlier.
Ba-dump. Ba-dump.
As you're washing the bowl and chopsticks to reuse and get some more of Eris's cooking, Ollie eyes a photo on the coffee table in front of the couch. It's a picture of a child version of you and two adults, presumably your parents.
He smirks.
When you had turned around to look at him, you found him missing with a window open. Oh, the guy has finally left. You quickly close the window, taking relief that the weird guy has finally left. As you make yourself comfortable on the couch again with a new reheated bowl of rice, you look towards your coffee table–
Oh heck no...
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ladykissingfish · 2 days
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*Deidara waking up in bed, groggy and confused*
Deidara: What the hell? *groans* My head … what happened last night?
Deidara: *turns his head to the left and notices the many empty beer bottles scattered along the floor*
Deidara: Dammit … this is exactly why I told Hidan I don’t like drinking, hm! My body feels like shit and I can’t remember a thing!
Hidan, next to him: Please shut the fuck up before I kill you, blondie.
Deidara, startled: What the — why are we in bed together?! Oh god I didn’t … WE didn’t …
Hidan: Relax, bitch. They just put me in here ‘cause they didn’t wanna clean up our puke from a lotta different places.
Deidara: *lifts the blanket and blushes* Oi; why are we both naked?!
Hidan, turning on his side and pulling the pillow over his head: So loud! I always sleep naked, asshole. You, you took off your pants ‘cuz of Uchiha.
Deidara: … Itachi? What does he have to do with anything??
Hidan: Fucker dared you to get naked and go confess your gay love to puppet-dick, remember?
Deidara: WHAT?!
Hidan: If you scream one more time I’m cutting your fucking nuts off. You spent all night drinking and going on and on about that ugly-ass redhead and finally Uchiha told you to stop bein’ a pussy and do something about it.
Deidara: Itachi said to “stop being a pussy”? Really?
Hidan: Fucker gets weird when he drinks. Anyway you stripped and we went to puppet-dick’s room. You did a “mating dance” for him with your dick swinging and shit, and at the end you kissed him then ran away giggling like a fucking weirdo.
Deidara: *pulls his own pillow over his head* Oh my god … yeah okay, go ahead and kill me, Hidan, hm. As soon as Sasori comes to find me, my life is over anyway!
Hidan: *rolls back over towards him* Hey, cheer up, bastard. I mean yeah what you did was fucking stupid but it was kinda ballsy too. *laughs* Literally, “ball-sy”. And if Red don’t want you, I’m pretty sure mask-boy does. He was looking so hard I thought I saw blood running out of his eye-hole!
Deidara: So not only did a lot of you see me naked, but I completely botched my confession to Sasori and made it so that now he’ll never take me seriously. That scythe of yours is sounding better and better every second.
*the door opens and Kakuzu and Sasori walk in*
Kakuzu: Come, brat … *bends and lifts Hidan out of bed and into his arms* We have a mission this afternoon and I need to get you sobered up before then. Let’s get you into a bath.
Hidan: Yeah, yeah … later, blondie.
*once Kakuzu is gone, Sasori shuts the door and sits at the edge of the bed, a cup of tea in his hands*
Sasori: Drink this. I’ve crushed some powders into it that should help with the headache you likely have.
Deidara: T-thanks, Danna. *quietly sips his tea and tries to ignore Sasori’s gaze on his face*
Sasori: So. I was thinking now might be a good time for us to have a little talk.
Deidara: Danna please believe me, I am so sorry about what I said and did. You know that wasn’t me, that’s not how I am, right?
Sasori: So you’re not in love with me?
Deidara, blushing harder than ever and looking down: Well, yeah, I am, hm.  I meant the dancing naked thing, and whatever other stupid thing I did last night, hm. That’s not me.
Sasori: Alcohol is certainly a funny thing, isn’t it? Lowered inhibitions can be quite the mixed bag. But, despite everything … I’m glad you told me, Deidara.
Deidara: R-really?
Sasori: Mm. I’ve had some hours to think about it, to really think about what you said, and my own reaction to it. And … *gently takes Deidara’s hands* I believe I have some pretty strong feelings for you as well. I have for quite some time. *chuckles* I suppose it took seeing your very brazen “dance” to make me realize it.
Deidara: Oh god …
Sasori: And seeing you naked like that, well, it made me feel almost desperate to see you like that again.
Deidara, flustered: D-Danna … that’s really flattering but I … I’m n-not ready for that yet? I mean shouldn’t we start with a date or something first and then work our way up to —
Sasori: No, no, brat. I meant I wish to closely examine that mole on your backside. It’s quite large and should be removed. Don’t worry; you’ll only be incapacitated for a couple of weeks, the pain in your buttocks will be minimal, and when it’s all over, then we can have our date.  *stands up* Now finish your tea and come to my lab. The sooner I can cut into you, the better. *leaves*
Deidara:
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just-slightly-chaotic · 11 months
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<3
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volivolition · 28 days
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✨ thinking of him thursdayyyy ✨ (<- said in a monotone deadpan with jazz hands)
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talentforlying · 3 months
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thinking about john's multitude of short-lived, often quickly-abandoned apartments for some reason, so a couple details:
although you might expect to find a very wizard-y interior to any place he's currently living at — you know, grimoires, skulls, dust, clutter, etc. — his flats actually tend to be fairly spartan in terms of decor; they've even been accused of looking modern, here and there. he just moves too frequently to really settle in & accrue Things, and has so often had to simply up & leave everything he currently owned behind (with very little chance of getting any of it back) that he no longer attaches much meaning to household objects.
besides the consistent presence of at least one bookshelf with at least 12 books on it, and a sad sprig of garden sage that miraculously hasn't died yet, the one exception to his lack of personal touch is his extensive collection of records + tapes, all of which he has repeatedly & methodically tracked down and bought / bid / traded / stolen / threatened for / blackmailed for / simply taken back whenever an enterprising landlord or new tenant left him the opportunity to do so. his record player itself has never needed to be taken back, since it has always mysteriously vanished from whatever flat he's leaving and mysteriously appeared wherever he's staying; it's convenient like that. his 10th anniversary walkman, however, frequently goes missing, only to turn up again later in a place he KNOWS he checked when he's least expecting it.
lack of home decor isn't to say he doesn't own much, mind: the bulk of his personal possessions — assorted occult paraphernalia, blackmail documentation, miscellaneous crap from his mucous membrane days, and anything he is able to take with him from past flats — are usually stored off-site, in a secure location that can't easily be tied back to him. this guy's been accused of being a satanic killer on multiple occasions, he knows better than to keep all the real shit out where anyone can just swan in and see it.
currently, this storage location (which i lovingly call occult shit central) is an abandoned inner london storefront + adjoining flat that was formerly his old friend ray monde's shop and home, called brick-a-brac antiques. it's decidedly cozier than the last place, (in that there are chairs, plural,) and has fewer bear traps laid out in anticipation of unlucky thieves; in fact, if a person were to visit without already knowing where constantine actually lives, it'd be easy to mistake it as his expectedly-wizardy flat. it's not an ideal location for an occult shit central, too close to the heart of the city and too close to people to avoid drumming up suspicion should constantine attempt any sort of ritual inside, but until chas finally quits ducking the paperwork and signs over his storage lot (which he may or may not be dragging his feet on out of pure resentment for having to do it at all) ray's place is the best option there is.
constantine's previous (and future) storage location was a lock-up in streatham that chas had been letting him use (see: all but surrendered to him entirely) since he got out of ravenscar, but after constantine's sister died, john decided he was done with magic and, in a spontaneous fit of rage, burnt the place down with everything but a few necessities still inside. he regretted this later, when he inevitably returned to the occult scene after just over a year away, and spent a lot of time calling in favors / hypnotizing arson inspectors to try and put together an inventory of everything he'd lost.
in the nearly 20 years since the fire, he's managed to replace or find substitutes for about 2/3 of what he had (occult-wise), and gather enough fresh dirt / do enough favors / orchestrate enough compromising situations to accumulate a little over 1/4 of the political / interpersonal power he once maintained. ( the lack of success in the latter being, in part, because people now in power aren't as familiar with his name & reputation as they once were; in part because people just don't believe in magic as much as they used to, or were otherwise bought by hell / heaven / other parties a LONG time ago; and in part because he's come to absolutely fucking despise most politicians / people in power more than he is willing to work with them, or more than he is able to plausibly believe they won't try to drop him at the first opportunity. )
you would be hard-pressed to find a landlady/landlord that speaks kindly of this man. if he wasn't kicked out for suspicious smells / disturbing noises / sudden infestations / suspected satanic activity, then it's likely that he abruptly up and disappeared in the middle of the night, with no warning and no rent. (on a few occasions, this vanishing act also coincided conspicuously with a gruesome death on the premises, sometimes of the landlady/landlord themselves, although no one's ever been able to prove anything.) frankly it's . . . magic, that people still rent to him.
due to these aforementioned bad ends, he's incredibly lucky if he gets enough time or leeway to take any sort of furniture with him from one place to the next. however, there is one incredibly comfy, wing-backed, sapphire-blue armchair that's miraculously managed to survive every move in the last ten or so years without being reported stolen — even though it has survived every move because it has, in fact, been stolen in the dead of night nearly every single time, by john and at least one of his buddies.
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boxwinebaddie · 18 days
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anyways *me ignoring my stannic attack* speaking of tkak ( the delicious uncle nina tsot toxic yuri ) i'm conflicted bc writing it in the old english is kind of impossible to read...but having stas say shit like "gwendolyn, your frock looks rather fetching, particularly the bodice Not That I Was Looking Upon It!" and "alas boys! i am ruined! fetch me the mead so that i may drown my eternal sorrows in it before i throw this cruel wretched form from the bell tower" and "butters you are true ally and kinsman! tucker...may your next meal contain many Poisons" IS SO FUCKIN FUNNY THAT I MIGHT ACTUALLY HAVE TO
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no-light-left-on · 1 month
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thinking still about how the Heart calls the Whalers 'puppets' and the amount of mystery there is around them, when playing as Corvo and perceiving them through the Heart, in comparison to how they are in reality.
we see them talk to each other in a manner any people would. they consider insubordination, they talk badly of Daud behind his back, we have Billie betray him. there are some that are loyal, yes, be it because they believe in Daud or because they see gain in this path, but by no means are they a monolyth.
however, we do hear from the Heart about a 'fog that surrounds them and hides their secrets' and it is even confirmed, by Billie (and also Galia in the books) that leaving Daud made them 'think clearly for the first time in years'
I've seen a couple theories and I do want to dive into each, to an extent.
there's the suggestion of the Heart talking badly of them, calling them mindless drones that only kill out of hatred and hurt. which, valid. the Heart also says certain things about Daud, 'why did you bring me here? do you expect me to forgive him?', so it's not unlikely that their attitude towards human lives and their willingness to kill for Daud is repulsive enough that the Heart does not see past it
another option is that the mindless puppets is more of a metaphor and is meant to talk about how the Whalers are, in a sense, a cult. which would be incredibly interesting to explore if we had more information on how the Whalers function. now I do want to point out that by cult I do not mean it in a Secluded Religious Organization but as a sociological thing. a literal cult if you will, with a leader that charms their followers, the seclusion and all the unhealthy attitudes of losing oneself to the group. and, that does check out - the loss of individuality, they are as one, following someone's orders without hesitation, someone they would die for. there are a lot of unsavory implications here (if you know how cults work, you probably had some cross your mind already), but arguably Daud is not charming enough to be a proper cult leader. the appeal is the magic, and his excellent skills as an assassin and a leader. maybe it's because of the time we see the Whalers at, right before a collapse, but Daud is regularly doubted and we see a lot of insubordination. the Whalers are not necessarily loyal to him because of who he is as a person. they want the power, they want the influence, maybe the protection, and the things keeping them from disobeying are fear, rather than loyalty.
the third thought or theory is, then, that many of these symptoms can be explained by the influence of the Void. we know the Void affects people, both physically as we see with Delilah's Witches or the Eyeless, as it influences them mentally, if the high numbers of people going mad because of their worship are something to go by. if, then, the Whalers are bound to the Void through Daud, it only makes sense that they would be influenced by this link to something that messes with people's brains. Galia saying she feels better after her Arcane Bond faded could easily mean that the influence the Void had on her has faded, and the creeping madness of it has subsided significantly.
all of these most likely come into play. one of the Heart's lines in dh2, if we point at a Witch, is reciting some of the recipes the Witches chant before quickly apologising. we do learn significantly more about them than we do about the Whalers, of course, possibly because Jessamine has more ill will towards the Whalers than to the Witches. still we see the Void affect the Heart. there is also a notion that the Witches are 'not quite human' due to their Arcane bond.
there's no real conclusion. it's just interesting
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quietwingsinthesky · 2 months
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if there was a torchwood/spn crossover, jack would get shot in the head so much. i know he already dies a lot, but he’s going to die so many times during this crossover. keeps getting bullets unloaded into him. they stab him with silver and steel and copper and none of it keeps him down. he’s gonna get squirted with borax and that one’s not gonna kill him but it is going to ruin his coat, which is materially worse for him.
#also gwen cooper would wrestle dean to the ground and beat him half to death#ianto is going to get himself possessed. im not saying he doesn’t take every precaution he knows how to against it. im saying he does and it#doesnt work <3#i think sam and tosh could be friends :) (<- actually means they’re just both stuck in ‘make this conversation go as smoothly as i can by#masking so fucking hard. so that i can leave sooner’ mode.)#and i think owen would kiss dean on the mouth because it would make him so uncomfortable and owen can and will use his ability to be an#asshole without regret for the good of the team. especially if this moment is directly a result of like. Dean hitting on Tosh while she’s#clearly not into it. Owen is going to kiss that man at the risk of getting shot just like jack has 17 times in a row just so that he’ll#fuck off and leave tosh alone. and this will work because dean winchester will immediately malfunction upon being kissed by a man because#now he doesn’t know whether to direct his homophobic impulses at owen (<- unaffected by anything he could say.) or himself (<- guy who#believes being gay works like cooties.)#and in the background you can see jack sort of gently put his hand over toshiko’s and she releases a pen she was holding onto very tightly#and this is the part where you realize Oh She Was Going To Stab Dean In The Knee With That If He Didn’t Stop.#i also think Jack should get to kiss Crowley. i think they’d both be into it and it’d be funny. i think they should reference that they’ve#been off-and-on lovers for years actually. (gwen: you’ve been sleeping??? with the king of hell???? || Jack: see i don’t know why this is#surprising to you.) (ianto has been standing there with his mouth slightly open for a full minute. long enough for crowley to comment on it#and for owen to jokingly try to shut it for him. (cue short impromptu slap fight as ianto bats his hands away and then owen gets too into#defending the honor of his poor slapped away hands.) but anyway. <3 ianto you’re into guys you really need to come to terms with this at#some point sir. jack is *not* your exception this is an all day job.)
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empress-hancock · 9 months
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Oh this is hysterical
#i am addicted to zoro slander it’s so unfortunate it is the least common slander in the whole fandom#this man is a doofus he’s a moron he sits on his ass while nami shovels the snow off the deck and sleeps while she busts her ass#he’s a dick and he picks on others and then laughs when they tell him to stop bullying him#(source: in punk hazard he did this to brook. brook literally said ‘stop bullying me’)#he insinuated that robin should not have been fought by a foe at full strength because ‘she’s a woman’#actually insinuated isn’t right. he straight up said it#i know people think sanji thinks women are weak and that’s why he doesn’t hit them or saves the girls but#he saves EVERYONE. and does it not because he thinks anyone is weak#(he has on numerous occasions praised nami and robin’s strenth. and he has trusted them both to save HIM when he needed it)#he saves others because he doesn’t want to see his friends hurt. that’s it. he is the kindest of the crew. having turned multiple foes into#allies just by being nice#oh but anyway. the reason he doesn’t hit women is because Zeff threatened to castrate him if he ever did#so… saying that to a child has an impact#and if Sanji is so scared of disappointing zeff that he wouldn’t let SOMEONE ELSE kill his physically and mentally abusive family#then he probably isn’t going to disobey him on the women thing#it’s probably not even abt the castration anymore he just has fucking stockholm syndrome#zeff was abusive too but i think he’s desperate for a father and doesn’t want to let him down#he and Usopp have Issues with admiring terrible dads#anyway
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holedyke · 3 months
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of course the night i need to get to bed at a reasonable hour bc i have a early rise is ruined by my own brain working me up into a complete meltdown 😵‍💫 i am a prisoner to myselfffff
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salsa-di-pomodoro · 1 year
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I've been playing Luigi's Mansion 3 blind for the first time despite having had the game for three to four years and i just want to say i absolutely love Luigi. I thought this when i played Luigi's Mansion 2 and i think it now this guy is so brave. Like he's just a little guy and he's got a resting happy blank face and he's so so scared but he's being so so brave about everything, people don't give him enough credit. Guy is a scaredy cat and still chose to stay in the haunted hotel where everything wants his ass dead just to save his friends and family. And he's doing a damn good job of it too, King Boo and the other one are getting increasingly pissed every time i see them <3
Anyway yeah if my brain wasn't already occupied with like three different blorbos he'd be a great candidate for one. Luigi my beloved (⁠*⁠˘⁠︶⁠˘⁠*⁠)⁠.⁠。⁠*⁠♡
(if he gets paired up with someone i'm glad it's Bowser. He deserves someone how treats him right and we all know Bowser is the guy for that)
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