#anyway I had this post on the backburner for a while and finally got the motivation to finish her up
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Tips on Writing Bishop
I've been asked a couple times for advice on how to write a good (03-style) Bishop, and I'm well-aware he can be a bit tough to get a grasp on. As someone who's studied him specifically to learn how to write him as accurately as possible, I figured I'd compile some thoughts in case it'd be helpful to anyone else. I know a lot of Rise takes on him are basing off the 03 version, so maybe this could help generate ideas, too. SO!
Big Overall Points!
At the core of EVERYTHING Bishop does are two primary motivations. The first: the protection of the earth. What this means to him can get tricky, because it doesn't necessarily mean protecting the people, at least not all of them. But it will be better understood alongside the other:
The second: The protection of his sense of safety. Bishop has been deeply traumatized, and everything he does is born of a want to avoid that pain ever again. In his mind, earth is a safe area, a controllable factor, and anything outside it is a danger that must be eliminated. This is why he will still be willing to put himself and other people on the line in service of this; any sacrifice is worth the greater goal. (It's worth noting, Bishop will claim the first as his motivation freely, but is likely not consciously aware of the second.)
Bishop deals in Big Picture ONLY. Another reason Bishop will willingly throw away anything, including the lives of the people he claims to protect, is that he seems incapable of understanding things on a small, individual basis.
Bishop is a cold personality. He does not have strong displays of emotion. He does emote, but for the most part it's muted, so I recommend using emotional bursts very sparingly. (In my own writing, as an example, I try to limit my use of exclamation marks in his dialogue as much as possible.)
At his core, Bishop is afraid, and his response to fear is aggression. This also makes it particularly difficult to talk him down, if he's put in an emotional state. His response to not being in control is often violent retaliation.
With those basic tenants understood, let's move next to some major personality traits:
Bishop is a controlling personality. This is a direct result of his trauma response. Things that can be controlled are safe, therefore he must control everything. If something cannot be controlled, it's a threat that must be eliminated. If he doesn't know why something happened, he becomes angry (including even when it benefits him.)
Bishop is very low-empathy. When writing him, I try to keep in mind that he cannot put himself in the perspective of others. (Or if he can, he doesn't care to.)
Bishop is a sadist. He gets personal enjoyment from hurting others.
Bishop likes fighting, but only when he's winning. He will quickly leave if he can't see a guaranteed victory.
Bishop is paranoid. This is probably self-evident, but it's the reason he's often so well-prepared even when things don't go to plan.
Bishop genuinely seems to enjoy science. He's shown to be far more lenient with scientist characters than anyone else, and he seems to involve himself in his scientists' projects to a degree. Enough to, at the very least, understand their work. (Given he was the one set to dissect the turtles, it might also be argued he has some medical or biology background, himself.)
Bishop is an opportunist and scavenger. He can roll with failures as long as he can find something to get out of it. If he's presented with an opportunity to stab someone in the back, and he has something to gain? He'll take it without a second thought.
Bishop is deeply self-blind. For all his perceptiveness and strategic prowess, Bishop is not very self-aware in the slightest. He is completely blind to his own hypocrisies, and thoroughly confident in his own righteousness.
Bishop adapts fast. He accepts situations for what they are and acts (Though he may still be angry about them, or what have you.) This is likely a skill developed via longevity; the world around him has changed rapidly, but he doesn't feel out of place at all.
Bishop will take extreme risks and thinks wildly outside the box. Also self-evident, if you're familiar with the plans he enacts throughout the show. He'll put a lot on the line if he thinks the reward is worth enough, and he's willing to go to extreme lengths to get what he wants, even if his plans would be considered crazy by normal standards.
Bishop is persistent. If he wants something, he won't stop until he gets it. If he fails, he'll retreat, make a new plan, and try again. It is very difficult to convince him to back down (and certainly not on moral grounds.)
Habits and triggers I've noted:
Being restrained of any sort puts Bishop in a panic. He is more likely to have an emotional response in these scenarios, and seems to have (an albeit muted) desperation to escape. (See: Leatherhead restraining him in the first encounter; His reaction to being trapped on the surgical table in Head of State.)
When being duplicitous or suppressing a reaction, Bishop will go to adjust his tie. This could possibly be considered his tell.
Bishop seems to have a particular fear of aliens blending in as humans. His slayer project was built around the assumption that this is a common threat. (Worth noting: This makes The Shredder the model of the exact threat Bishop is afraid of. Technically, Bishop himself may also fit the description of a threat shaped like a human.)
Writing considerations:
In 03's narrative, Bishop is EPF and EPF is Bishop. Narratively speaking, any organization Bishop is head of acts as if it is an extension of his will and character.
Bishop is shown to strike fear and/or discomfort into most characters he interacts with. Anything beyond this is an outlier, and will draw a reader's attention.
Dialogue-wise, Bishop is generally succinct and blunt. He does dabble in gloating, though, and especially likes to upset others. If he's given a chance to be mean, he'll usually take it. It can help to consider he has a Mission Mode and a Normal Mode. When it comes to Mission Mode, he gets straight to the point and hates unnecessary talking. Otherwise, he's still not very talkative, but will take the time to make pointed jabs or talk through a plan. A lot of his sense of humor seems to be rooted in how He's Better Than You (And You're Going To Die Painfully.)
It's a common pitfall that Bishop is depicted as seeking out the turtles. In 03, once he gets their DNA, he's done with them. Any encounters after that are incidental. Bishop does not care about anything that won't effect his greater goal. If he's targeting another character, it should have to do with a greater plan.
Bishop is an extremely competent combatant, shown to be able to handle up to 7 opponents at once. For a breakdown on his fighting style check out my other post on that!
Bishop is hard to kill, and oftentimes he accidentally contributes to his own defeat. (The hook from Bishop's Gambit is an example I get a LOT of mileage out of, as a perfect symbol of his self-defeating prophecies.)
We almost only ever see Bishop in the context of his work. While it could be construed that he depersonalizes himself, it's much more clear that the narrative depersonalizes him. As far as we, the audience know, Bishop's work is all that he is.
It's unclear if Bishop was released from his abduction or escaped. Depending on which you ascribe to, this can have ramifications for his mindset on how to deal with the alien threat. (Personally, because so much of his inability to cope hinges on a feeling of helplessness, I believe he was released. If he escaped on his own power, that undercuts it, somewhat.)
Thematically-speaking, Bishop parallels both his own torturers and his own victims at the same time. He has perpetuated the cycle that traumatized him in the first place by trying to fight fire with fire. (In that vein, I don't think he's capable of understanding that, not seeing aliens as people in the first place, just dangers. Considering how deeply ingrained his trauma is in his worldview and actions, it would probably ruin him, if he were ever able to actually grasp it.)
Bishop and EPF are likely a commentary on the military of the time 03 was coming out. This can be something worth keeping in mind, when figuring out his greater themes in your story, though it can just as well be discarded if it doesn't fit.
Adding to that, Bishop has an extensive american military background. His skills and knowledge will reflect that.
Bishop also plays on and references a number of real-life alien conspiracies. It can be worth digging through conspiracy history to drum up ideas and themes, too.
The ethical and philosophical quandaries of Bishop's body-hopping and humanity tend to not hold too much weight, because Bishop, himself, doesn't seem to care.
If I think of more I'll certainly be adding on to the reblogs of this post! Or, if you have more thoughts, please feel free to add! If you're in the mood for more Bishop ramblings, that's practically most of this blog atm, but this post is a particular favorite. If you're interested in Fast Forward!Bishop, specifically, consider this post! (also read Taking Pawns. slipped in that self-promo, nice.)
#agent bishop#tmnt 2003#tmnt 2k3#teenage mutant ninja turtles#And man I still gotta make an analysis on 2012 Bishop#my man is so underrated#There are only a handful of fics out there that include him at ALL and for the most part I find he's blended with 03's characterization#Which takes away what makes him fun in his own right and muddies 03 Bishop's character basis imo#anyway I had this post on the backburner for a while and finally got the motivation to finish her up#And of course if ever there are more questions on characterizing him I'd be happy to help! I love rambling about this guy ad nauseum#oooh stray thought I should do one for Rat King too. Went through that guy's episodes recently theyre GREAT#I've also been very tempted to compile most of these posts into a big ol video essay. idk if I could pull it off but it sure is an idea
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Obanai x reader headcanons bc why not
Just some Obanai headcanons bc I'm bored and need to post something lol hope yall enjoy
...
- when you first bet Obanai, he was obviously pretty distant and cold
- but when you both had to sit next to each other at a hashira meeting, his snake got curious and kinda slithered your way
- it freaked you out a little bit but Obanai made sure you knew that he wasn't going to hurt you
- "relax, it's not like he's going to hurt you, if anything he probably likes you... not too sure why he would though."
- Then after that you guys got paired on missions, got to know one another and get super close, then eventually he finally confessed he has feelings for you
- this guy will only show his affection for you in the comfort of either one of your homes. He is not by any means into PDA
- the only time he displays any form of PDA is when you're both out in public and there's creeps around eyeing you up and down. He'd place an arm around your waist and give whoever is staring a pretty cold glare
- because of the fact that he doesn't eat much, you make sure he eats... or get Mitsuri to ensure he eats because sometimes he's stubborn and doesn't want to listen
- he's really into dark humor, it took a while for you to get used to it though, because yes while it might be funny it's also kinda fucked up due to the subject matter of his jokes. But you enjoy his sense of humor nevertheless
- he's big on movie nights, if you guys are bored and can't find anything to do you're always watching a movie of some kind
- his favorite genre of movies is romcoms, not because they're sappy or anything, but he likes to belittle and berate the main characters with you. However if it's actually interesting to him, he'll stay shut and pay attention
- his kisses are actually rather soft, unlike what a lot of people would think. But how would they know? You're the only one that gets to feel his lips on yours anyways and that's what matters more
- he l o v e s being the little spoon, yes I said it. He loves being held, cuddled, snuggled, he loves it all
- you can't convince me otherwise that you and this guy would pull the craziest pranks on the other hashiras together, but nothing so as to threaten the life of other people
- when you're watching him train or training with him, you like how he doesn't hold back for anyone, not even you. It just shows you just how dedicated he is to getting stronger for the sake of his job. He also likes working you almost half to death just so he can tend to you later lol
- when you've had a rough day, he let's you hold his snake, it's almost like a form of grounding for you. Plus he wouldn't let anyone else but you touch his snake, even if it meant his life
- overall, while Obanai can be a bit cruel and ruthless, he'll always show his soft side for you no matter what. You're important to him and he'd gladly lay his pride on the backburner for you
....
Ayyyeeeeee something wholesome after the spicy headcanons from last night lol. Hope you guys enjoyed these soft Obanai headcanons, lmk what you wanna see next!
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Devlog #001 - Summer is here and there's ice in the cooler
Hey Dear Reader!
Here we are again, on our second week of the project being out in the open, and I must say that it has been absolutely delightful.
The whole team has been hard at work on their own duties, writing, setting up things, discussing new and old ideas, editing, translating and mostly having a blast with this new working schedule we've developed so far.
This whole policy of "Trade Perfect for Done" has done wonders for us, this week we've tackled some ideas we had in the backburner for a while, and I'll tell you what do we have in store for the next few days and weeks:
• DGS Podcast: Our Project Manager "elSolar" and I, just finished recording the raw audio for the first episode of what will be our bi-weekly (I'm not sure if it's the right term, maybe is bi-monthly, when you do it every other week, I get confused with those sometimes) official podcast, in which we'll talk about mechanics, lore and the development process of DGS, it should be out this week, and we'll release it as soon as it's done. It was a fun experience! We were a little bit nervous at first, but we got into it and let ourselves loose after a while, all in the spirit of doing things instead of overplanning. This episode we talk about the origins of DGS, we unveil some of the lore and have fun with some random questions, stay tuned for when it comes out!
• Detrayan Prism Takes Off: We posted one of our main stories the other day, "The Myth of Creation", which will be part of our narrative series as a way to flesh out the lore and share with you some of the non-mechanical aspects of DGS. This week we're working on the translation of "Miracle - Losing Doesn't Halt the Bet", a beautiful story about empathy, forgiveness, and gambling, written by our Narrative Director, Mr. "R. Ursus". We hope that these stories not only help you understand more of the lore of our world, but also leave you with a message of hope and resilience.
• DGS Annex: As you might have noticed, the manuals need some elements that are not available yet, like our continent map, the character sheet, a GD reference sheet and the script for the Prologue Episode. We're putting the final touches to these elements, and they'll be published very soon as well, which will takes us to a point where we can concentrate more on the lore, by having the mechanics already established in their basic sense, leaving us free to work on lore and subsystems!
• Community Space Tidying Up: As you already know, social spaces are a difficult area for me, so our Subsystems Manager, "Kitt", is giving me a hand with the social and the construction of spaces to grow a community, play the game and discuss the lore and stories around it. We're aiming to have a presence on most socials, but we'll concentrate mostly on Discord (Which is where our sessions usually take place) and we've also made a Subreddit (r/Detrayan) as well.
• Green Book: We keep our progress on our third manual, we're taking it easy with this one a bit, so we can push the final parts of the playable stage, but it should be out pretty soon. This one will be a glimpse into the world in a general sense, we'll talk about the Planes, Ages, Species, Landmarks and Deities, among others.
Besides that, there are lots of other things we have planned for the upcoming weeks, like the Spanish versions of the manuals and stories, the construction of our own Discord Bot for DGS sessions, and the implementation of our Subsystems once the three main books of the "Detrayan Colors" series are finished (I want to get to the Yellow Book so much! Can't wait to talk about our moving cities and Behemoths!)
Anyway, I hope you're doing well, that your family, friends and pets are healthy and happy, that your today pales in comparison to your tomorrow, and that all your projects and ideas get to safe harbor. We want to thank everyone who has shown interest in the project and our ideas, we really appreciate your support, we hope you see us as friends you can reach out and talk to. Throw a message our way, let's have a friendly chat, talk about the project with your friends, clean up your cat's litter box and take your dog for a walk, call your mom and tell her that you love her, drink water, drive safely and enjoy life as much as you can.
It seems I got sidetracked, anyway, have a most excellent day, and it would mean a lot to us if you can do the whole "like, share, subscribe, engage and comment" that everyone talks about, your support is the fuel that keeps this TTRPG vehicle going forward.
As always, very big hugs from your friends at the Detrayan Team!
Mick
Lead of Detrayan Team
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Six Sentence Sunday: 05.07.23
So the past week or so has been...a Week. I had opened up Coffee Shop Soundtrack's folder the week before and realized I only had a chapter and a half to finish before it was done, so that got me thinking about putting the Epic on hold and just doing it. Working on the Epic while I posted CSS. And then last week happened.
CSS is a deeply personal project for me, and it's been backburnered so long because I just...couldn't touch it. It takes me to a really raw place that I'm honestly much happier ignoring. But it's also one that I feel I need to get out, for me, and I need to finish it. Now more than ever, I need the closure this story will give me, because it's certainly not going to come from the person I need it from.
Anyway. This fic was started in 2019, well before the bulk of S3/the mess Canon has become. Back when we didn't know about the Jagged Bomb - I think it was even before we were speculating about that. Alya and Adrien play important roles in the fic, and it's been weird reading them as what they used to be (but I don't want to rewrite Adrien out, because there are a few scenes I love that he's needed for). This fic was mostly before Dingo, too.
But I did find him in one paragraph. From back when he was still just a prop, basically. Given everything he's become, I changed the names to more generic bandmates. Y'all know how he tends to take over, and this story was never meant to be a Dingo story. It was nice to see him pop up for a second, though.
And the week had progressed, as they always do. He’d gone to work, and he didn’t see Andrew Couffaine again. He’d gone to band practice, and Dingo had given him a hard time because he was distracted and kept fumbling his notes. (He never fumbled his notes.) Juleka had chucked a half-drunk water bottle at Dingo's head and told him to lay off, as Luka was allowed one off day in light of his fifty. He texted Marinette, quietly encouraging her through the final stretch of her project, and sometimes he surprised her with coffee or, on his way home Wednesday night, a five-minute snuggle break (that might have turned into a ten-minute makeout session). It was business as usual.
#miraculous ladybug#luka couffaine#dingo king#juleka couffaine#six sentence sunday#coffee shop soundtrack#ver fic#we're inching there#crawling across the finish line#but it's coming
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✨ Fic Writing Review 2023 ✨
Tagged by @faithfulcat111. :) Thanks!
Words and Fics
~183k words published (not counting backdated works I added this year) (and almost 50% of which are pdwm lmao). Gonna guess between 100k-150k words from unpublished or unfinished works (which is an interesting change--normally I have way more unpublished than published words).
Infinity WIPs. You don't even want to know. I get way, way too many ideas; I'll be lucky if I write even a fraction of them. In terms of posted WIPs: Fractals and And Where Do You Rest?
Started multiple series, one of which is planned through the end and will actually probably be completed!
Posted 40 stories, 23 of which are Stranger Things lmao. Fully 10 of those are in the pdwm 'verse, which is hilarious to me. Literally 1/4 of all the works I posted this year. ST is now more than 25% of the stories on this whole account and ~20% of all the fics I have posted to Ao3, period. Jonathan Byers is in 21 of them; he's now equal with Steve Rogers on this account in terms of appearances (though not if I'm counting my other account). This fucking guy! Why so captivating, baby?
Side note: I just want to say that this used to be the account for all the weird, gross, and/or dark fics (including HTP), and this is the year that I transitioned to hosting all of my new stuff here (not just the weird shit), so that's been interesting. (Please be polite when I start posting nasty stuff again, though--I definitely will, and I worry sometimes that I've lulled people into a false sense of security.)
Top Fics by Kudos
This is one of those things where works posted earlier in the year will have had more time to accrue kudos, so the figures are kind of skewed, but all the ST fics I've been doing are super niche and about an unpopular character anyway, so I'm sure it would break down similarly regardless.
The Nice Ones (THG). Unclear to me why this one sort of dominates the stats this year (normally angsty sadfic with non-con themes scares people), but okay.
The Genuine Article (THG). This actually does shock me. The premise of this fic is super weird, but I guess you never know.
Salve (THG).
Parched (THG). I'm actually very fond of this one. It's a quietly sad snapshot of young Finnick in a low moment, where he's grappling with the new (deeply awful) turn his life is taking, but I wanted to show his connection with Mags and that someone was looking out for him, even though she could only do so much.
A Trickle (THG). A follow-up to Slow Poison (which for some reason has also done really well? despite being graphic and deeply upsetting non-con?). Eventually I'll finish up the other follow-up (from Finnick's POV), A Flood.
Admiration (finally a ST fic!). Stonathan, written for Stonathan Week's Sunday prompts. It's sort of hilarious to me that this one got so popular, relative to my other works.
Between the Future and the Past Tense (ST). The fic I wrote for Stonathan Week proper.
My fandom fic events in 2023
Stonathan Week (+ 2 things for the Sunday prompts)
Jancy Week
Bad Things Happen Bingo (still working through the card)
Scalding Hot: Consent Issues Bingo (also still working through it)
My own little event! My milestone event for reaching 500k words posted to Ao3! The first fic (of the roughly 4 planned/started) is up now: Blood, Wine, & Roses (ST).
Upcoming Events and Projects for 2024
Working on the rest of the fics for the requests/prompts I received for my milestone event, one of which should be finished in the next week or so, I think.
I'd like to do that art-inspired event Jancy Central is going to do in a couple months.
Planning to finish pdwm.
Would love to write one of the plotty fics I've had on the backburner while I've been busy this year.
I'm getting closer to actually being willing to post Safelight and strange is your language, so maybe those, once they're finished?
Finishing And Where Do You Rest? (THG). I'd really like that. It's all planned. I just didn't have the emotional energy for it before (it's so heavy) and, uh, I got way, way into turning over the problems of one Jonathan Byers and shaking him like a snowglobe.
Rules & Tags below the cut!
Rules: Feel free to show whatever stats you have. Only want to show Ao3 stats? Rock on. Want to include some quantitative info instead of stats? Please do this. Want to change how yours is presented? Absolutely do that. Would rather eat glass than do this? Please don’t eat glass but don’t feel like you have to do this either.
Not gonna tag anyone, but this was fun! Thanks for thinking of me.
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Daily Log 4
Trying out (probably just temporarily) making short daily-ish notes about things, in an attempt to see if it helps me be more reflective or productive lol.
Activities: Woke up late because I went back to sleep with a headache briefly, then kind of struggled to focus all day ToT
Worked more on the aforementioned tapestry/painting type of thing. I've done the base layer of painting for the main image, now I'm lining in darker outlines. I wanted to finish the center art before getting into the intricate borders. Still haven't translated the text lol..
Made a small bowl and also a little box with a lid out of more avocado pits. Still just with random nail cuticle tool things and kitchen knives, as I don't have proper carving tools.
Finished editing and proofreading the new poll adventure post!! I don't have time to post it tonight because I need to get to sleep early but.. I have it Completely 100% Ready.. finally..
Also washed the clothes I got together yesterday. Called about the bloodwork. Sent an email to a doctor.
Reviewed some writing documents to get back into my game maybe?? (basically, I started working on a visual novel type game a few years ago, decided it was a huge project so kind of put it on the backburner for a while in favor of things that were more easily finishable/tangible. then later on a game website I play (similar to neopets or something, there are collectable little creatures, etc.) there was an opportunity for me to design a pet on site, so I made a smaller shorter visual novel centered around that, where people on the site have to play the game in order to earn the pet, and I have a google form for them to answer a few short questions about it. All of the feedback is quite positive (reached 200 responses a while ago! though still only like 4 comments on the itch.io page lol.. Mandatory Form vs. Optional Comments evil showdown), but sometimes I get commentary that's really enthusiastic and inspires me to start back working on the OTHER bigger game. The small game was kind of like, a proof of concept that was safe because I had a guaranteed audience, that has helped me gain more insight for the larger one.
Anyway, since I've abandoned the Main Large Game for so long, I have to re-read and review/probably rewrite A LOT of things just to pick it back up again as A Thing I'm Actively Working On, so it's another one of those tasks that I do maybe 45 minutes of and then realize it's going to take days and days and get discouraged lol..
Notable sights: Saw two cats in windows. No clovers. It rained a little today but I didn't get to go outside and see it. One of the pieces of asparagus in the fridge was like the size of a carrot, comically overgrown downright ridiculous looking asparagus. Maybe I'll get taller after eating it.
Goals moving forward: Consistent sleep schedule. Focus on social activities, finding new friends in the places I want to move, communicating with ones I have. Physical therapy exercises. Plant nasturtiums. Finish and upload videos, edit costume pictures & etc.
Notable foods: ASPARAGUS AGAIN BABEY.. yeaAAAAGHHH asparagus squad !!!!!!
#just posting these publicly since it feels more like I'm doing something or easier to hold yourself accountable if you make public#declarations of goals and progress or etc. .. perhaps.. for now..#I wonder if you can eat too much asparagus. Hopefulyl I don't get sick ghjbj#Still craving lots of savory foods and soups. Also in a big big worldbuilding mood.#Not enough to actually edit the worldbuilding slideshow videos apparently since I've barely done any of that all week#>:Y#(they are different though.. actively writing wolrdbuilding is different from like.. editing recordings of you talking about it#BUT STILL...)#In an ideal world I have a little house in scotland or canada or something and am sitting cozy by a window watching it#rain whilst I eat lasagna and like a huge buffet table of every single hearty food I am having Anemia Cravings for#and my cat is sitting near me and I am furiously sketching various designs for different worldbuilding details. I have finally found#a weird hermit platonic best friend I'm compatible enough to live with and they are up in the attic doing their own weird little hobbies#but every once in a while I can call them down and tell them about an idea so we can bounce concepts off of each other. I somehow walk away#with no heartburn or stomach upset or nausea despite eating 800 plates of craving foods. It's cold and summer#does not exist anymore but not in a Catastrophic For The Earth type of way more in a like.. I am in a magical bubble#that only affects my direct vicinity and sheilds me from the temperature ever getting above 65F#(also I have a comfortable amount of money and good doctors and reasonable health etc. etc. but that's a given in any Ideal Scenario lol)#oughh... I just want to eat hearty breakfast foods and think about elves for 5 hours.. is that so much to ask#Why must... responsibilities... capitalism... limited time and no energy to focus on 100 projects at once... why these things...#ANYWAY#daily log
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For the reader request: what about Positivity Finale? 💖
Oops I totally missed this one!
So Positivity Finale is the last two prompts that I took when the New York special came out and I was like, super mad about it and I decided to write some happy lovey Lukanette to combat the rising ire of my soul. But, the last two prompts spawned an idea that was more salty so I published it separately as Live With It. The second chapter has been sitting there waiting for me to come back and finish it and I just got so deep in the weeds and so short on writing time that I've been focusing on finishing the unfinished stuff I have out there. While that does include this, I'm trying to power through Indelible and then Guard My Heart, so this one was kind of backburnered for a bit. You know that post that goes around sometimes about writing your characters into a problem so that they can brilliantly solve it and then realizing oh shoot, I'm the one who has to come up with the brilliant solution and I'm an idiot? I kinda ran into that a little bit. 😂 Also I was waffling about direction, whether I wanted to stay focused on the ladybug conflict or address some Lukanette stuff too, and it was easier just to table it for a bit to marinate while I deal with some of the other unfinished works.
ANYWAY here's a snippet of Chapter 2 for you.
“I try so hard,” Marinette sobbed. “I promise I’m trying, Luka! It just...it doesn’t seem to make any difference! I try and I plan and I prepare and everything goes wrong anyway, and I can’t fix it, and I can’t even talk about it—”
She broke down again and Luka throttled back the sudden urge to hit something. It was true, it wasn’t fair, how much she was saddled with and how she always seemed to be swimming against the current. It was no wonder she was exhausted and worn down.
And he couldn’t do anything about it. Nothing except hold her, as tightly as he could, and be ready to let her go when she asked it.
She did ask it a moment later, pressing her hands on his chest and straightening, wiping her eyes on her sleeve. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“Don’t be sorry,” he told her, hands still hovering, shaking slightly with the effort it took not to pull her back. “I’m happy I can be here for you.”
He watched as Marinette struggled to pull herself together, to lock it all back down and find something to cling to. Ladybug had told him once that people got akumatized because they couldn’t see any other way out. Marinette was all about possibilities and creative thinking, so it made sense to him that she’d be more resistant to akumas than most people.
Even so, it hurt his heart to see her force herself this way. Fucking Hawkmoth. He twisted the bracelet on his wrist absently, shifting from one foot to the other. He was suddenly angry at Chat Noir all over again, for leaving Ladybug in the lurch and making it that much harder to defeat the root of this evil. He flexed his hands and breathed through it, trying to stay calm. He couldn’t afford to be akumatized himself, either. He reminded himself that Ladybug wasn’t alone, that he was there to help her, and for Marinette’s sake, he’d do anything he possibly could.
Luka put a tentative hand over her shoulder, and when she didn’t flinch away, rested it lightly there. “Listen, Marinette. Whatever happened in New York, whatever you did or said or didn’t say or do that you think you should’ve...you don’t owe me anything except honesty. If your heart is...somewhere else, then—then I have to accept that. I always have, and I always will. Okay? So just...whatever it is that you need to figure out, you take as long as you need. And if you feel like you need my forgiveness for something, you have it, just don’t shut me out when you need someone so badly. I want to be here for you.” She looked up at him, and he tried to smile. “You don’t have to be perfect to be loved. Just...let us love you where you are. I know I can’t be the only one who worries about you.”
#reader request snippet#lukanette#endgame lukanette#lukanette endgame#luka couffaine#marinette dupain-cheng#miraculous ladybug#miraculousladybug#pro lukamari
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2024-01-07 Jenny holding leg in intense worry 😢
Art Timelapse
Thumbnail Timelapse
Art, plus a shadowed version & two thumbnails.(imo, I like the un-shadowed version better, but the shadowed one's starting to grow on me.🙂)
Based off a spur-of-the-moment thumbnail. In the middle of making it, I interpreted it as she’s not feeling “pain” per se (since she doesn’t have nerves); more like slight pressure that she’s cautious could burst.😔
*So sorry!🙇♀️Between getting ‘rona again & readjusting, I took a longer break than I intended. Guess this drawing of worry is kinda subconscious😳…Now that I've ruminated on it, it's okay🙂. This was a work-life balance lesson in managing forced breaks (like sickness).
MINI JOURNAL
This was another piece I was exhausted with. Another was the “Jenny slightly pulling back” one. While this “Jenny tending to leg” was over a week, it almost didn't feel any less concentrated with exhaustion.😔Anyways, in both cases, I didn't have too clear of an idea of what the final piece would look like (less so with this new one, as I knew I wanted to keep most of the lines red-orange & color Jenny aqua-green).
Social Media Strategy Tweak
Maybe next time, when in doubt, just keep it a sketch, with no colors or tones??? Tbh, I didnt go that route bc I didn’t want a piece that was too harsh on the eyes from being over a bright white background, but at least a softer white. …Now that I've written it out, it sounds like a dumb reason.😥
Or, was afraid that wasn’t finished enough for IG/social media? Maybe, especially since I wanted to have a red-orange pencil-sketch style in there. Maybe be a little more elaborate & have black cleaner ink lines & grey base tones (like)?
Wait, I just remembered: could do sketches, but do that Natalie Nourigat “draw the pose 5 times” exercise.
The exception will be the Jenny Injured diptych (to still be colored but not further pushes gesture-wise (tbh, I again want to try to get done as quickly as possible)...plus, I'll just say, “something different.” 😉
Personal Preferences & Little Backburner
Imo, I like the shadow-less version. Jenny's legs contrast better with the background, and the colors are closer to what I ended up having in mind.
Yes, even the unconventional red-orange linework with cyan base colors😄. I’d actually been meaning to try that out on a piece; tbh, I just like red-orange/vermilion-colored pencil sketches.😊 I was doing another red-orange pencil, Krita sketch in October that I wanted to try that color scheme on, but the perspective needed retooling.😵💫
BTS
I actually had this, along with a thumbnail for a completely different piece, on the backburner. While I wanted to do the other one, I went with this more unclear-looking one. That way, I could finish it before I forgot what I had in mind.
After I was well into the finalized sketch, I found a 2nd, more pushed-gesture version of one of the thumbnails. That’s when I decided to try not to spend too much time on this piece; I wanted to re-do it with this pushed gesture.
Also, after a while of using one of my go-to Krita watercolor brushes from last time (WaterC Flat Decay TIlt), I got really mentally exhausted. Played around with doing the painting stage in Adobe Fresco, but despite Fresco’s watercolor brushes feeling far more comfortable, I wanted to keep this artwork quick. Therefore, I just continued the painting in Krita.
Oh, and instead of erasing the extra pencil lines, I covered most of them up with white.
Plus, that monitor profile changing fixed my colors after all!😊 I’ve gotten my solution written down somewhere. I’ll try to post it sometime.
SELF CRITIQUE
(-) Iffy depth on the navy-blue block of color
(-) Mouth kinda looks like she’s smiling???
(+) Good foreshortening on Jenny & the chair
(+) Great gesture/line-of-action into the hurt leg; decently faithful to thumbnail’s gesture. Improvement from that in “A Place of a Contemplating Robot”
Shadow-less version
(-) L hand [our POV] gets lost in the sticking-out leg
Shadow-ed version
(-) Sticking-out leg disappears into the ground
(-) L arm should have harder edges on the shadow
(+) L hand has hard-edged shadows
(-) Bent leg’s foot also has too soft of shadows
ART SUPPLIES
Hardware: Alienware x14, Huion Inspiroy H610PRO V2 pen tablet, & IMAGE Light Pad Stand A3
Software: Krita (art & timelapse), Autodesk Sketchbook (thumbnail & its timelapse)
Brushes:
(v 1.1) Krita Redux- Pencil (AFresco) - linework & white cover-ups. Less-aliased version of my custom brush
j) WaterC Flat Decay TIlt - hair, ”clothes”, belly button base colors, BG block, ground
(Dig.) Clean-Up Lines (Aliased) - Jenny white matte & chair base color
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...
Entire main party is 30~ Lowest units are some unused members that joined over time like the thief girl who are all like 15 but also I'm not going to use bad units for no reason when I've spent this entire time trying to make a fun and cohesive team that isn't like 5 warriors.
Yeah okay go fuck yourself. ALL of them are 20~ I HAVE to break this law or use my bad backup units.
I didn't even grind in a ridiculous fashion, I'd argue I did LESS side content than a kid would playing this, with the caveat of both me and the hypothetical kid playing on hard, and here we are.
Well let me take this moment to not complain about laws because let's be honest, I'm just gonna break this one and not look back, I do that a lot because the rewards are "nice" but not necessary and I don't have any good privileges that I'd hate to lose yet (turns out that one trial that cheated and put me in an unwinnable situation by cheating because the game cheats would have given me a nice one!)
Instead I just wanted to say the story is progressing so... strangely lol.
Maybe it's just my experience, but I really enjoyed how this all began- it's "kind" of a retread of FFTA's falling into Ivalice story, except that one was from the POV of a kid who really wanted to get back, and wanted to save his brother, and had conflicts with the friends and family he came across because none of them wanted to leave, and all of this was capped off with poor writing that failed to play to the strengths of such a dilemma.
This one is that, but you're one of the kids who's pretty chill with being here, but the story is genuinely promoting and working to the strengths of that, because Luso DOES want to go home, but he's NOT in a hurry to do it, and the in-universe solution to him getting home is for him to enjoy his stay here, the WORLD is bending to make his motivation work, it's great!
The story is quite literally "Enjoy this fun fantasy world and you'll go home :)" at the moment and just that is pretty nice, but it's also capped off with some interesting growth in the background- who is Cid, holy shit Cid got shot there's some dark stuff going on in this world, what is this magicite or whatever, is the Mist a problem- all of that is good and adds to it so far!
But uh.
All of that is kinda on the backburner like 99% of the time it feels lol
Because the actual story is just "IDK, go grab some medicine (he doesn't super need but it's nice)? IDK, what's that rock? Oh you don't know so it'll take a while so that's post-poned? alright. IDK, wanna go on an airship? No reason, just do you wanna go look over the edge while flying because that'd be neat? Yeah."
Like I genuinely think the "goal" at the moment being to simply enjoy the world is potentially a good one, it's something some neat side quest centric stuff could latch onto, but instead it's very much just. meandering.
The side quests themselves are all empty and nothing as all hell, a lot of them are just "Have you unlocked the right job to hand over the unit for a few weeks?" or "Can you walk over to this node and we'll call that a delivery quest? (reminder there aren't forced random encounters so it's just you walking from A to B) and why is that even a thing.
And then the main quest is just, more meandering. I'm doing NOTHING!
I'm sure it won't stay that way, but it feels like the last like 8 main quest objectives were just us walking around aimlessly, all the while the thief girl makes snide remarks about stealing from us, and Luso goes "Oh you~ Anyways, let's go tell Cid that we climbed a mountain!"
It's been nothing for slightly too long.
Oh it's that Vaan guy.I know him from final fantasy.
I rather enjoyed that one, it's Weird and it's gameplay is Weird and it's Big Flawed and I really had a great time and wish I had been in the mood to post more of it when I did play it lol
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Naegiri Week Day 2 - Work
Looks like I spoiled all of you yesterday by posting in the afternoon! As you can see, we’re back to more “regular” Koto posting times. Fear not, though, as my piece for Work is finally here! This time around, I have no warnings to issue before you start reading the text. It should be pretty safe. I hope the story is to your liking!
_______________________
Makoto was at the computer again.
Should that have surprised her? He’d been there every day for a week. He migrated to it in the way that a moth might journey towards a flame; it entranced him in a way that others could not comprehend. Well… perhaps the moth metaphor wasn’t the best way of putting it. Any idiot would be able to see that his fixation on the system had been born of desperation, rather than admiration of its beauty. After all, how could he grow to admire a healing project that become corrupt, swallowed by the very despair it was meant to fight against? His heart was far too gentle to ever be drawn in by something like that, and Kyoko supposed that was why she worried. Too many hours subjecting himself to all of that suffering wouldn’t be good for his kind soul. The fact that he scarcely ever seemed to leave it behind would be just as bad for his body, too.
“Makoto.” Her hand found its way to his shoulder without thinking, squeezing tightly as if that would somehow reassure him that she was there. Everyone knew they should have been more worried that he’d gotten to the point where he needed that, but with the program going haywire and students losing entire consciousnesses… well, the mental health of the Super High School Level Hope had to be put on the backburner. That was what the others told her, anyway. She, on the other hand, struggled to believe it.
Her friend seemed to respond only slightly, glancing back at her. Though she couldn’t see his face fully, she noticed the dark circles and half-lidded eyes right away. He looked so tired that she feared he might suddenly drop at any second. “Yeah? You need something from me, Kiri?”
Kyoko’s brows furrowed, but she couldn’t be bothered to change them back to a more neutral position. Makoto wouldn’t listen to that. She doubted that he would listen to any change in expression, even if she glared and scowled. At this point, he was a man possessed. “This is your eighth day managing the Hope Restoration Program.”
He blinked sleepily at her, reaching up to rub one of his eyes without a hint of irony. “What about it?”
“You were also up managing it until four o’clock in the morning last night. Togami-kun told me you had very clear intent to continue working on it, and would have if he hadn’t stopped you. He also informed me that this was not the first night this week that he caught you managing the program into the late hours of the morning.” She hated having to be stern with him. It always made her feel like she came off as thinking he was inferior to her in some way, but it was more about using status to get him to take a break. Sweet as a peach, that boy was, but he failed to listen when it came to taking care of himself. This wasn’t the first Kyoko resorted to pulling rank to get him to do as he needed. “You need some time away from the computer. This is getting out of hand.”
Makoto could do little more than grin weakly at her. “I appreciate your concern, Kirigiri-san, but I’m okay. Really!” The yawn he suppressed did little to convince her. “I honestly feel like… like I’m at my best when I’m here working.”
“Yes, well, being consumed by rampant anxiety about what will happen to Class 77 at any moment that you’re not around would be the reason for that.”
You’d think Kyoko had kicked him with the way his expression deflated, tilting his chin down like a puppy who had just finished being scolded for chewing an armchair. Hints of rouge spread across his cheeks at the reprimanding. She supposed she could have felt guilty, watching him slump in his chair like that. Heaven knew that she probably should have, but she couldn’t justify that pit in her stomach when she was already so worried about him. Tough love would hopefully be the reality check he desperately needed. Makoto certainly had the tendency to be stubborn when he set his mind to something, but did he really intend for this to be the battle he picked?
Folding her arms, Kyoko let out a sigh. “You know I am right, do you not?”
He didn’t meet her eyes; his blinking growing rapid for a few seconds. Did she perhaps cut too deep with that comment about his anxiety? She suddenly felt the urge to snatch every word back out of the air. It felt like she’d just picked the wrong option in a dating simulator game and lost relationship points. If she hadn’t been raised to be perfectly stoic, perhaps she would have been able to reach out to him. Instead, though, she could only stand as still as she could manage; her gaze fixed itself on him intently.
“I do...” Her heart broke over how slurred the words sounded. Two simple words, and he could barely keep them apart. The tension his shoulders had lost transferred to her own with ease. Something about this behaviour was very much not right, and the feeling of it squirmed in Kyoko’s belly like a ball of worms. “I’m just… is just… I’m…”
“Naegi-kun?”
It surprised her, how soft her voice sounded. It had been ages since she’d had to speak to anyone that softly, much less him. When push came to shove, he was usually the one lifting her spirits. Not the other way around!
Without thinking, she crept closer to him, leaning over slightly to try and lift his head to look at his face. She had barely even reached her hand out to place it upon his chin when he tilted his head up for her, staring at her with pathetically sleepy eyes. When he tried to speak, all that came out was a pathetic whine.
“Kirigiri-san…”
“I have never seen you this pale before. I know you have not been sleeping recently, but what about eating and drinking? If you are lacking in sleep and in blood sugar, then I think we have lots of cause to be concerned.” She blinked quietly at him, waiting for an answer. “Well?”
“Um… I had some berries, recently. I think.” He was practically a ragdoll in Kyoko’s hand, his neck feeling almost like it would let him fall limp if she didn’t keep her hand where it was. “One of the older recruits brought them for me.”
“What kind?”
“Blackberries and blueberries.”
Ugh. Of course they brought him a bowl of berries that didn’t serve to elevate the blood glucose levels by more than a hair. As sweet as it was that they were looking out for him, she couldn’t help but be annoyed that they hadn’t made better nutritional choices. Admittedly, some of that irritation did come from the fact that she knew she probably should have been the one making him sandwiches or something… but that was beside the point. He’d been too long without proper elevation in his blood sugar, and his use of the word ‘recently’ told her all she needed to know. She found herself shaking her head in frustration.
“Do you remember when you had them?”
He blinked slowly. When he got to be this way, she supposed he kind of reminded her of a sloth. All slow movements and droopy eyes. Come to think of it, she actually quite liked sloths. They were cute, just like sleepy Makoto would be, if he weren’t on the verge of collapse. The more girlish, romantic part of her wanted to scoop him up in her arms and carry him off to bed as if he were a cuddly pet. But that would be unprofessional in a workplace environment.
“Um…” He looked down at his hands for a moment, as if he were prepared to start counting on his fingers. He never was all that good at math. “No, I don’t… don’t know.”
Could one involuntarily roll their eyes? If they couldn’t, Kyoko felt uncertain of how she would explain her response to his answer, then. Shame crept into her being. Realistically, as his boss and best friend, she should have been doing a better job of looking out for him. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t known that he would be at the computer all day, every day for the next little while. She had seen all of the signs of his fixation, and just hadn’t known how to stop it. Seeing where that fixation brought him only made the horrid sense of dread pooling in her belly worse.
“Alright,” she gently released his face, “We need to get you out of here. You have spent enough time in front of the computer as of late and I’m genuinely worried that you are going to collapse. What you need now is food, water, and a good sleep.”
A frown etched itself into Makoto’s expression, making the already exhausted boy look borderline pitiful. He was practically sulking. “Kirigiri-san… I don’t want to… to… to leave them.”
Tenderly, she reached over and grabbed hold of his arm to try and help him to his feet. “Nor should you have to. I will see to it that someone takes your place here monitoring Class 77.” Though seeing him in such a state hurt, she pushed what little smile her iron mask could manage. He said to her once that her smile gave him strength, and at this point, she figured he needed all of the strength she could give him. “You have done excellent work so far, Naegi-kun, but I need you to rest. Perhaps we can have Togami-kun take over from here. You trust him, don’t you?”
He nodded. “I do… you promise… things will be okay?”
“Of course, Naegi-kun. You know that Togami-kun and I share your ideals just as much as anyone else. We want to see these students survive and succeed as well. We would never want to do anything that would hurt them, nor you.” She nudged him slightly. “Now, really. We need to get some food in your system sooner rather than later.”
He nodded again, the beginnings of a grin cracking through his tired face. He didn’t appear stable otherwise, but she imagined she should be allowed to count that twinge of hope as a victory. Now, if they could just overcome the trouble of the fact that his body was absolutely trembling from lack of energy, that would be great. The tremors were so strong that she almost worried that he might start to make her shake too.
“I’m going to help you to your feet, okay?”
“Okay.”
‘On the count of three’, Kyoko told herself. For most people, having health this bad would be cause for concern, but for Makoto it was all that much worse. Not only had he poorly taken care of himself, he somehow thought it was a good idea to neglect his health when he was prone to fainting. Whether it was extreme psychological or physical distress, Kyoko had seen him faint faster than Byakuya could reject “commoner food”. She witnessed it only a few times, and each and every time it got more uncomfortable to watch. Every time it happened, she found her heart rate increased to the heaviest levels it could maintain. Holding onto Makoto now, she prayed silently that he wouldn’t faint.
One.
Two.
Three.
Warily, she took hold of his other elbow and began to lift him from his seat. Though it would benefit her to check her surroundings as they moved, she refused to take her eyes off him. As far as she was concerned, his expression needed to be surveyed at all times. Any twist or twinge could alert her to his potential collapse. She couldn’t afford to let the situation fall outside of her control — she liked her control, thank you very much. For his sake, she tried to keep her cool. It was a bit of effort to ensure that anxiety didn’t force her finger tips to dig into him as she lifted him up, but she coped well enough.
Judging by the look on his face, they appeared to be making decent progress. For the most part his gaze directed itself towards his own body. He watched himself with as much intensity as his sleepy eyes could manage; he fixated on every shake and slight hesitation. Was he as worried as she was about completely falling apart? He was rising to his feet with as much grace as he could muster, only stopping to cringe when he stood at full height. His jaw clenched almost immediately. Kyoko’s heart skipped a beat.
Unable to control her worries, she leaned close to get a better look at him. He would certainly be able to feel her breath on his skin from this distance. “Is something wrong?”
His skin paled rapidly, dragging itself to a hue that didn’t even appear human. Had she held less self-control, she would have scooped him up and carried him off to bed right then and there.
“You’re losing your pallor, Naegi-kun.”
He tried to wave her off despite his obvious distress, his body swaying slightly. “I’m just dizzy, that’s all. Just… dizzy.”
As much as she wanted to believe that he would be fine, his eyes looked like they were about two seconds away from rolling back into his head. His feet were already starting to wobble off-course, and if that were to happen, the rest of his body would surely follow suit.
“Are you sure?” Kyoko suddenly realized that she had a huge lump in her throat. “You have yet to see any spots? Your stomach is settled?”
If the world functioned according to her preferences, Makoto would have answered right away. If things went according to her plans, he’d tell her that he felt fine, and had simply been overcome by a twinge of vertigo. In her ideal world, this is how things would be. It would not involve the ominously vague groan he released instead, with one of his hands reaching up to hold his head.
Shaking him was the last thing he needed, but it was all she could think to do. “Hey. Naegi-kun, come on. Stay with me,” as his head began to hang once more, she tilted her head in a futile attempt to get a better look at his face, “Are you going to faint?”
“Y-Yeah…”
The universe could squeeze only a few more blinks out of him until he finally fell limp like a ramen noodle. Even with the advantage of holding his elbows, Kyoko still had to rush to catch Makoto before he hit the floor. That cheeky luck of his had been very close to running its course, too, for it tried to pull him to fall to the right. If she let him fall that way, he would smash his head into the desk and all of the computer equipment — and then they’d have a concussion to worry about, as well as his lack of sleep and poor nutrition. Catching him in time honestly felt like a miracle, her arms making quick release of his elbows to swoop under his arms and keep him from tumbling over like a deflated toy. Thankfully, her grandfather’s martial arts training made her skilled at moving quickly; they made the rush to grab him swift. Not elegant by any means — she nearly punched him in the chest as opposed to sticking her arm under his own — but it was doable. It did take her a minute to adjust to the weight of an extra person in her care, but she took it in stride. With a heave of her shoulders, she wiggled to stand him a bit more upright, so most of his weight leaned on her shoulder.
“Please, Naegi-kun… Take better care of yourself,” she whispered, “If not for your sake, then… please do it for mine.”
_______________________
Waking up with no idea where he was or how he got there was the kind of thing that sent Makoto into a panic the second it happened. A year had passed since the killing game, yet he still startled awake in a feverish panic if he woke up with even a moment of forgetfulness. He’d immediately sit upright in bed, gaze tracing the room for some sign that he was still in the world he remembered. The rooms at Future Foundations’ headquarters tended to be so barren that there was never truly much to ground himself with. Perhaps a calendar flipped to the correct date and time, or a special trinket from a specific pocket of aided citizens. Nothing more than that, which usually made it difficult to figure out where one was. When this happened, panic would settle into Makoto’s bones within a matter of minutes; his heart beating wildly as he fought off the urge to dash around the room. Simply sitting there and trying to convince himself that he felt like a normal human being felt like far too much of a hassle to do, yet it was where he found himself. Groggy, disoriented, and light-headed, trying to figure out what happened. Where was he?
His tired eyelids allowed him to blink once. Twice. Part of him wanted to be surprised by the fact that he still couldn’t see anything, but the heaviness of sleep just made things so damn blurry. Future Foundation rooms were already so arid, but their rooms on Jabberwock Island were somehow worse. Everything about it just screamed generic island room, or as Makoto saw it currently: generic island-flavoured blobs. He reached up to rub at his eyes, doing his best to ignore the spinning feeling that refused to ease into nothingness. Exhaustion had such a grip on him that even this barely helped. Somehow, everything still looked and felt unreal. Had the next occurrence taken place only thirty seconds later, he might have laid back down and decided that this was all a dream. But it clearly hadn’t been, for the knock on the door was completely off-cue.
Thump, thump, thump.
Plain, spiritless, to the point. Yep, anyone who knew her would recognize Kyoko’s knock within an instant. She always did have this formal way of rapping on a door. He used to tease her in their early days of working together, insisting that it was a “boss knock”. Unfortunately, she never found it as funny as he did.
“Naegi-kun? Are you awake in there?” Her tone came out so much softer than he expected to hear. Most of the time she spoke just loud enough to be audible, and clear enough so no adversary could detect emotion through it. In some ways, it still maintained this aspect of her character, but… he did remark it was a little outside of the realm of normal Kyoko things. Was she actually worried about waking him up?
When he opened his mouth to answer, the words got caught half-way up his throat. “Yeah, I’m awake,” god, he could barely believe that strained voice belonged to him, “I think.”
Kyoko let out a slight snort on the other side of the door; it made a smile tug at the corners of Makoto’s mouth. She almost never showed it to anyone, but she had an adorable laugh. That little snort was the extent of what she’d do in public, yet he adored hearing it all the same. “Well, if you’ll allow me in, I have something that might make you feel better.”
Though he knew she couldn’t see him, he nodded to the door anyway. “By all means.”
There was a split second of pause before the doorknob twisted, and then she nudged her way in with her foot. When the door swung open to reveal Kyoko, she fortunately looked the same as Makoto remembered her — tall, slim, long lavender hair tied out of the way, striking purple eyes and kissable pink lips. Gulp. Maybe not the time to think about kissing. He directed his attention instead to the brown cafeteria tray she held in her hands. He couldn’t see much on it apart from a tall glass of water, but the aroma promised him something with… chicken? Had she brought him cream stew? Something like that would hit the spot right about now. In all of his confusion, he’d barely had the time to process the painful emptiness of his belly.
“You seem to have woken up just in time,” she sounded half-amused as she strode into the room, but struggled to replicate the sentiment through emoting, “Your shichuu would have gotten cold otherwise, and I’m sure you know microwaved shichuu is nowhere near as good as fresh.”
He mustered a laugh. Her shichuu comment was something he’d told her once during his many infamous rambles. As corny as it was, the soup wasn’t the only thing that warmed his heart. The fact that she remembered something as silly as that worked wonders, too. “You’re the best, Kirigiri-san. Thanks so much.”
Her shoulders quirked, her mouth twitching downwards ever so slightly. “Think nothing of it. In fact, consider it an apology.”
By no intention of his own, his eyebrows squished together. A pursing of his lips followed suit. “An apology? What for?
The detective let out a sigh, taking a seat in the rather unremarkable chair positioned at the edge of his bed. She slid the tray onto her lap almost teasingly, or perhaps it wasn’t so much teasing as taunting. His stomach let out a loud growl at the sight of it, causing him to clutch it in embarrassment. If Kyoko noticed, she didn’t utter a word.
“Do you remember what happened before you woke up here?”
Makoto shook his head, wincing when that made the spinning worse. Note to self: don’t do that.
“Well, in summary, you worked yourself to the brink of exhaustion and passed out. I carried you here.”
Heat rose in his cheeks. God, he hoped she hadn’t carried him bridal-style. Oh, what if the other foundation members saw?! His temperature elevated suddenly. If anyone else saw her do that, he would never live it down! They already teased him for being wrapped around Kyoko’s finger. He’d even earned himself an inappropriate workplace nickname because of it, as well as the rumour that the two of them were taking a little too much pleasure in each other’s company outside of office hours.
She appeared to notice the rising colour in his skin. “You needn’t make that face. Nobody saw apart from Togami-kun.”
A groan tore its way through his throat; his hands rushing to clutch his head in exasperation. “You say that like it’s not bad. He’s going to taunt me about that for weeks.”
The lavender-haired woman shrugged, her gaze not lifting from the bowl of soup in her lap. “He already tried it with me. Kept asking me if I was taking my boyfriend somewhere for a nap.”
Though Makoto would have actually liked for that to have been true, he still found himself sighing just a bit. “I really hope that he’s gotten it all out of his system, then…”
“We can only hope,” she continued to refuse to meet his face, “Getting away from that, though… there is something that I wanted to ask you.”
“Oh?”
That bowl of soup seemed to be getting more eye contact from his crush than he was. She was staring into it like a reflective romcom protagonist at a low moment. “Why?”
What a clear question. He couldn’t help but shake his head again. Leave it to her to be as cryptic as possible. Sometimes, he wondered if she enjoyed being needlessly unusual, or if it was just a special talent. Still, he tried not to let his frustration show. “What do you mean by that, Kirigiri-san?”
She poked at one of the vegetables with the spoon; it bobbed up and back down. “I want to understand why you were so fixated on the program,” a crease began to form between her brows, making it look vaguely like the soup had wronged her somehow, “There have been a variant of different people monitoring the Neo World Program participants, yet none of them took to it the way you did.”
Thinking made his head ache. Not that much thinking had been done since he’d come to. An angrier part of him wanted to reach out and pry the soup from Kyoko’s hands just so the room would stop spinning so much, and he could actually consider her question. But that would be rude, and Makoto was not a rude man, so he just sat there.
“Well?”
“I don’t know.”
Out of the corner of his eye, he could see her pressing her lips together in a thin line. “I think you do.”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” he replied almost instantly.
“Then you can’t have your soup.”
His arms folded across his chest; his lower lip jutting out. “You already haven’t given me my shichuu.”
“Will you talk if I give it to you?”
“Yes.”
She lifted the tray into Makoto’s lap, allowing him to take in the full scent. It smelled amazing – someone else definitely had to have made this for him. As much as he adored his boss and thought of her like she painted the night sky, her cooking was the worst he’d ever had. One could usually confirm whether or not it was her cooking by lack of stench alone, so the pleasant aroma wafting into his nose meant that it would be safe to eat. “Then here’s your soup.”
“Can I have my spoon?”
She let out a small grumble and placed the spoon on the tray, tapping her foot impatiently. “There. Now eat.”
For a moment he considered giving her a cheeky answer, but quickly decided against it. When her patience had worn thin, she didn’t tend to take so well to teasing. Deliberately pushing her buttons would only serve to get him into much more trouble. So rather than giving it any more, he dug into the delectable dish in front of him. He’d be the first to admit that his consumption of the dish ended up being a little sloppy, but he could barely help himself. More than a few times the liquid threatened to dribble down his chin, and he’d be forced to stop it from dripping into his lap. If Kyoko had any sort of opinion on this, she neglected to share it. She simply sat there and watched him eat. Man, with her watching him like that, it was like being a suspect she intended to interrogate. The air had grown a little too tense for his liking, especially with the only sound being his slurping and chewing.
“Are you going to sit there and watch me the whole time?”
He hadn’t meant for the question to sound harsh, but she sure seemed to take it that way, retorting: “Are you ever going to start talking?”
He bit his lip, tensity beginning to build in his shoulders. The affection he held for her was something he knew to be real, yet when she spoke to him like that, he couldn’t help but wonder if she even liked him at all. Her bluntness could be a lot. “If you wanted me to start talking, you could have just asked.”
She scoffed and rolled her eyes.
“What’s gotten into you?” He complained, startling even himself. “Why are you being so harsh about this? You were acting all sweet when you came in here, and now you’re grumbly. Did I do something?”
Her frown deepened. “Yes, you did.”
“What did I do, then?”
“You worried me.” She answered curtly, the tone coming out so sharp that even she jerked herself back in surprise. Makoto opened his mouth to make an attempt at saying something, but shut himself up just as quickly when he saw blood rush in Kyoko’s cheeks. A flustered Kyoko was almost always a Kyoko with more to say. “You and I have known each other for several years, and I have yet to see you work yourself in a manner this dangerous. You have had a complete disregard for your health these past few weeks, and quite frankly, it’s frightening me.”
He swallowed thickly and lowered his spoon toward the bowl. He’d barely noticed, but it was already half-full. “I’m… sorry. I never meant to scare you.”
Her arms folded across her chest, bitterness dripping from her voice. “Then what were you trying to do?”
“Help,” he choked, “The students in the program, I mean. I’m sorry, Kirigiri-san… I know I’ve given you nothing but trouble, but I just… I had to help them.”
“I wouldn’t say that you gave me nothing but trouble-”
He shook his head frantically. “No, it’s alright Kirigiri-san. I know I’ve been trouble these past few weeks, and I’m sorry about that. I just haven’t felt anything like myself lately. Ever since Monokuma showed up in the program, and everything got corrupted… I’ve been desperate to keep an eye on things. I feel like if I leave the students alone, they’ll…”
She nodded gently, her scowl finally starting to ease. He wondered if she would give him her hand if he asked. Touch happened to be an aspect of connection that she struggled with, but she knew how much it reinvigorated him. Maybe he could get her to crack, just this once. “I know,” she whispered, “I know.”
“We’ve lost so many of them already. I can’t stand the thought of losing more,” he willed himself not to cry, his words tripping over the lump in his throat, “Every time I’m away from the program, I can’t stop thinking about them. We know how that feels, and it’s our responsibility to stop it.”
“We’re doing everything we can, Naegi-kun, I promise you.”
“I want to be doing more, Kirigiri-san. I want to be giving them everything I have, because if the shoe was on the other foot, I know they would be doing the same for me.”
She shut her eyes softly. “You don’t want them to suffer like we did.”
“Exactly,” he sighed, “Exactly.”
“I understand your reasoning. Really, I do.” She rested her hand on his wrist without him even having to ask. His heart fluttered at the sensation of her gloved hands on his skin. “However, no good can come from working ourselves to the point of collapse. The lives of the students within that program are irreplaceable, yes, but so is yours. What would happen to everyone here if we lost you? What would I do?”
Oh. He… had not considered that.
Guilty silence ate him within seconds. It would be simple to say that they could carry on in his absence with Kyoko as their valiant leader, he knew that would not be the case. When they lost their hope, he was the one they turned to for guidance and encouragement. His ideals were the ones that shaped their whole project; nobody would be there without him. If he were to keel over and die without another word, the team would be devastated. His friends would be devastated. “I guess I didn’t think about that.”
“I’d suggest you start, then. We all want to have you around for the foreseeable future.” A slight smile carved its way into her face as she leaned forward, pressing a gentle kiss to the side of his head. “You’ve been working so hard to give everyone this hope… I think you deserve to be around to enjoy some of it for yourself, too.”
Makoto tried desperately not to blush. “I guess you’re right,” he murmured, finally finding the strength to smile, “I’ve got to take care of myself to share in that hope, too.”
#naegiri2020#danganronpa#naegiri#thh#kyoko kirigiri#makoto naegi#makoto x kyoko#danganronpa goodbye despair#kyouko kirigiri#naegi makoto#kirigiri kyoko
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hi hi hi. so I just got into the Hamilton fandom, I swear I am four years late where did everybody go, and, well. I am apparently a hamburr shipper. bcs that is my life now. anyway I saw your fic ifmlam and I swear it is my favourite of all the fics I've ever read (and trust me I've read literally thousands). I love it so so much, how do you write fics like that??? I cried about four times during the whole thing, I stayed up till 4am reading it even when I had to wake up at 7 because it is just. that. good. I could not stop thinking about it for days afterwards and ifmlam has just ruined me. I can't think of listen to Hamilton without thinking of ifmlam anymore.
on to my qursttion: is it abandoned? of course it's perfectly FINE if it is. don't let anyone tell u differently, your fic is YOURS and u are amazing.
but pls I really need closure from ur fic, it has been haunting me if its abandoned or ongoing and I've read ur other fics and they are just chefskiss and thank you so much for writing them all. thank you thank you thank you, I will never be able to thank you enough for writing this fic and for everything it's done for me. I am probably thousands of miles away but I am sending you virtual jugs through a co.puter screen right now.
(don't feel pressured to reply to this or update it flam, I know how overwhelming it can get with so many messages and after a while u get desensitized to it. u can literally reply "thx. itfmlam is abandoned" and I would still be amazingly star struck. anyway has gotten way too long and I need to sleep and I'm sorry u probably won't see this so I'm just talking to myself right now but bye!!)
and thank you so so much for writing itfmlam.
aaaah hello anon!
thank you so so much???? I am so??? honored??? that ifmlam rates so highly to you, and also that you've read my other fics??????
the answer to the "is ifmlam abandoned" question is probably the worst possible one, which is pretty much "I do want to finish it, both for the folks that still want closure as well as it bothers to me have abandoned projects that are in the public eye/ already partially published, but also, it is last on my current writing projects list"
my current actually active writing projects list, kind of in order of priority, is
I'm literally three chapters away from being Actually Fully Done with the not-quite-first-not-quite-second let's call it 1.5th draft of an actual?? full?? original?? novel?? Opus which of course then goes out to beta readers and then gets who-knows-how-much edited and then maybe beta readers again if a lot does change and then a copyeditor my mom, my copyeditor is my mom, and maybe my little brother he's one of the betas but is very good at catching typos and then I!!! get to publish it!!!! which is the single thing I am most excited for!!!!!!!!! this should be closed up in the next week or two, and then take a while for people to actually read the draft and get back to me.
I really desperately want to finish my open-but-like-90%-written fic, which means we raise it up, the final chapter of to the bottom of the river bc I realized that it was kind of incomplete, and the second chapter of a buried and a burning flame because any more work there will need to wait until the author publishes the next book in the series. this should be closed up in the next month or two.
Speedwrite the draft of the second book of the Opus series so that hopefully by the time book 1 edits are happening, I have an almost complete draft of the second book. this is mostly me side-eyeing myself about taking nearly four years to write the first book, but that is solidly in part because I had so many other open projects which point 2 is about clearing that docket. this should be done in the next year.
And then just have my major projects be, at least until books 1-5 are written and published, books 1-5 of that because that is arguably the first major 'plot arc' of the series, so if I'm looking for a pause point on writing, that's probably where to stop.
There are two or three other short side projects (a weird fun second person short story tentatively titled witch-queen, a collection of four short stories Memoirs about a not-so-evil necromancer and the shenanigans he gets up to trying to rule a kingdom, working title Perfectly Normal Recipe Blog which is a collaborative project about a perfectly normal recipe blog that definitely doesn't include anything out of the normal) that will happen when they happen
There are other projects that are on the backburner -- The Numanok Files, a series of probably 12-15 short novellas about a mercenary/ bounty hunter esque person in space whose specialty is dealing with hauntings, but, like, 80% of their jobs is actually "you are effectively a space home inspector pointing out faulty wiring reacting to solar flares/ there's a weird alien fungus/ it's carbon monoxide okay change your atmosphere filters" and 20% of it is punching ghosts; there's a post-post apocalypse novel that I want to write that I know characters and general pacing and half the setting but need to work out the other half and figure out how much aesthetic I want to commit to; there's Strangeside7 aka spacerace book that is my reaction to how much I love how Redline the anime movie commits itself to "no we are about a race, like 60% of the screentime is just fully going to be an utterly ridiculous sci fi space race"; there's even a ridiculous YA trilogy that I would have to completely transplant the setting but might end up writing because the interplay between angel-physics and physics-physics was one of my favorite things in the world. and I guess the weird ridiculous technically a sequel series to ifmlam that was going to be published as original books that was basically me having fun with 'okay I fucking love star wars prequels old rotting space bureaucracy galactic republic style' except with seers and that also still might happen because it does have some of the coolest sci fi concepts and honestly I thiiiink that's all?
but the tl;dr of that timeline is I'm trying to finish a punch of projects Right Now, so that I can write books 2-5 of Opus, and then when I'm done that (which honestly, my average fiction-writing output is close to 100k a year. if I'm concentrating purely on one project, and writing books that are about 100k, we are talking four years. although my job situation is super up in the air in that period and writing might get put solidly on the backburner as I try to make it in academia, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) I will re-evaluate which projects go next, and that's when ifmlam is likely to come up for review.
I do not have any expectations that I will make it as an original author. I'm planning on posting all of my stuff online for free, but, like. it is incredibly difficult to convince people to try out even a piece of free and easily accessibly original work even if one has a huge following, I am a very small fanfiction author, and from what I can tell the majority of the people who are interested in my work are mostly interested in me finishing ifmlam. writing is a hobby for me, and while I'm writing mostly for me--and hence the for me bit at least for the next five years is pretty solidly going to be this series that I am deeply excited about and have sunk my heart and soul into every single aspect of--I'm human, and I don't really like shouting into the void, and I expect if I spend five years publishing to absolutely no response I will either stop writing for a while and do other things gods know my life is busy enough, return to fandom in general to write some other fanfic about whatever I get deeply into, or return to a work that I actually get response to. so ifmlam will probably start getting worked on a bit at that point one way or another. unless, of course, we are in the incredibly rare timeline in which I do make it as an original author, there are people who are deeply hyped for my original works and an actual demand for them, in which case as you may have noticed there are enough ideas there to keep me busy for a decade or two, and they will just get my full attention instead of fanfiction*. in this timeline, I will do what I was considering doing a few years ago, which is officially declare ifmlam otherwise abandoned and make one more giant chapter update which is a full and cleaned up outline of what I was going to write, interspersed with the scenes already written, and have ifmlam be given at least that closure.
*I want to make it clear that I very much love fanfiction and am proud to have been a fanfiction author and in my heart of hearts would keep writing it forever, I just also have a lot of ideas for characters and settings and magic systems and Aesthetics and I have been biting at the bit to write something that is //mine// and all mine and only mine for a while, I don't see original work as superior so much as there are a dozen fandoms that I am currently in and bursting to make content about except oops these fandoms currently only exist in my head, and I want to correct that
of course given how much as writing is my vent activity and I write what I'm in the mood for, there's a chance I'll feel ifmlam cravings before then, just... expect it to take a couple of years for an update, but also for there to be an update one way of another in a couple of years? but as for right now, I'm turning to original writing, because that is what brings me joy.
but I am really deeply honored that it brought you so much joy!!! and while I will never publish spoilers in a public place, if you message me off anon I am perfectly happy to give a run-down of my current plans for the ending, bc I know "wait a couple years and see" is not the most satisfactory of answers! and hey maybe you'll be like me and once you've given Opus a try you'll decide you like it better too, it does have Seers although they are deeply different Seers than in ifmlam but imo it's very gay and fun and at least politics on one side
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A look back at 2020 - and a thank you to the Zutara fandom
Okay.
So.
I’ve never done this before. I know 2020 has been… a year. To say the least. A messy, sad, hell of a year. I’m not saying my 2020 was perfect. There were many events that were supposed to happen but got cancelled because of COVID. But if you could believe it, 2019 was so much worse for me, especially creative-wise. So I decided to make this post about how my 2020 went, because it went a lot better than 2019!
Never again, 2019. Never again.
Also if you feel like you haven’t been creative or haven’t had the energy to do everything you wanted to do, please don’t take this post as a “haha I did so much better than you guys!” Because that is ABSOLUTELY NOT what I want to achieve. I just want to give myself a pat on the back. Honestly, I think what really helped this year was when I got into a slump for one type of creative endeavour, I jumped to the next. I set myself to start something and finished it. Then, if I felt burnt out about that thing? Like writing a fic? I got into cosplay. Or video editing. Or something else. And then I came back to writing. It was really fun to learn new things and to do multiple kinds of projects through the year!
The Zutara fandom thank you letter is at the end, so if you want to skip my ramblings, you can find the title below!
So anyway. Here goes!
Video editing:
It’s not that well-known on my Tumblr, but I have a Youtube channel! I made myself a video editing challenge back in January - and I crushed it! Back in 2019, I quit video editing for many months because I didn’t have the motivation to continue doing so. But then in December last year, I found a BUNCH of my old (and I mean, VERY old) videos I’d made as a kid. And it re-invigorated my love for video editing because I realized how far I’d come and that I wanted to do it more! So I told myself: one video a month. Twelve in one year. That’s it. Do that. And I ended up making TWENTY videos this year! I’m so proud of myself!
I even made MORE than twenty videos. A few of these just aren’t published. I made a few more “educational” videos because I’m considering making a brand new Youtube channel dedicated to History and pop culture! I don’t know if it’ll end up being… you know… a thing, but hey! Why not?
I also made some unpublished short edits for a possible Instagram account I’d like to create, too! All for Titanic. An example of those short videos can be found here! Again, I don’t know if that Instagram account will end up being… a thing… but I have faith!
Cosplay:
I got back into cosplay this year! And I learned new skills thanks to it! I learned how to work with EVA foam to create my own Blue Spirit mask (using this tutorial!). There’s a few projects currently on the backburner, but I’m sure I’ll come back to them eventually!
I also learned recently how to sew a pair of opera gloves (because haha, fuck you if you want to buy any that aren’t in size small!) for a Rose Dewitt-Bukater cosplay with my sewing machine I bought way back in like… March… but was honestly too afraid to use. But I did it! I pushed through my fear and I did it! I’ve been practicing more and more with my sewing machine as I repurpose old clothes for my cosplay. And it’s going great!
Writing:
I got back into fanfic! I hadn’t written ANYTHING fanfic related in a while, especially not multi-chapter fics. But this year, I finished THREE novel-length fanfictions. My fanfics The Prince’s Bride, my Star Wars/The Princess Bride AU, and Never Let Me Go, my Avatar: The Last Airbender/Titanic AU, are currently all published on AO3! I haven’t been much in the Star Wars fandom since writing The Prince’s Bride, but I did meet @stressedinadress with who I talk about Star Wars and anything in particular! Thank you for being my friend!
My other novel-length fic, All roads lead to Paris, a Miraculous Ladybug/A Monster in Paris/Ratatouille crossover fic is currently being uploaded every Wednesdays! I’ve also written a Titanic/The Great Gatsby crossover one-shot called Make it count; Meet me at the clock that had been living in my brain for years but I’d never had the guts to write it. But then I did!
I’m especially proud of Never Let Me Go. Not that I’m not proud of my other fics, but this one in particular has a very special place in my heart. It’s the longest story I’ve EVER written and made me love Titanic all over again. Zuko and Katara were the perfect characters to be cast as Jack and Rose. I got back into drawing entirely thanks to this fic. I’d been telling myself “I can’t draw to save my life” for YEARS but then I decided to try again and I’m much better than I was back then! I’m so humbled by all the comments, all the bookmarks, the kudos and the love this story has received. We’ve JUST REACHED 5000 HITS!! Before the end of the year!! That’s so AWESOME!!
I’m tentatively coming back to original fiction after writing a lot of fanfic, especially a Greek Mythology retelling (which is, you know, fanfiction but with stories that don’t have copyrights!). I think writing fanfiction really helped me figure out what I love about writing and has helped me tremendously in creating my own style and voice. It’s been an incredible journey and yes, my Greek Mythology retelling was inspired by a Zutara Greek Mythology AU! So you know, I’m staying on-brand! haha
I’m also currently working on another ATLA fic, heavily inspired by my “what I would have wanted for LOK” post you can find here. It’s going to be much, MUCH shorter than Never Let Me Go, but it’s already longer than Not Like Everyone Else, so I’m really happy with this one. A bunch of bite-sized chapters in the POVs of all these lovely characters after the War and my take on where they should have ended up - and the world.
Zutara:
And finally, but certainly not the least, I got back into the Zutara fandom and really contributed! I made metas I’m really proud of (like this one on Katara’s abandonment issues you can find here!). I wrote the aforementioned fanfic Never Let Me Go. I even made a video about Zutara after my latest rewatch of ATLA (you can watch ZUTARA | Zuko x Katara - BATTLESHIPS here!).
I also made friends along the way! @darkcrowprincess, @harharj, @angelsabloom and, more recently, @heavensweetheart. I wanted to thank you for putting up with my weird rants and obsessions! :)
We’re all such a lovely bunch and don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere! I want to thank, especially, @firelxdykatara, @antarcticasx, @my-bated-breath, @peartarts, @pineapple-frenzy and @hayleynfoster for your metas, fics, art, etc.! You’ve been making my 2020 better. This isn’t an exhaustive list, so if I’ve forgotten someone, I’m so sorry!
Also I hope everyone who have been harassed recently, like @babytreehugger, knows that we’re all standing behind you and supporting you.
This is a really special fandom indeed. It took me years before I could rewatch ATLA knowing Zutara wasn’t endgame, but even if it hurts that they’re not canon, we have countless fics, art, poems, animatics, even published authors whose books are basically Zutara AUs! As stated by those same authors! Isn’t that amazing?? WE HAVE A STAR!! WE HAVE A FRICKING STAR!!! Has anyone forgotten that??
And look. I’ve been, for the past few years, in the Star Wars fandom. I’ve been in many different fandoms over the years. It’s been… rough. But I’ve never seen such an encouraging, loving, compassionate fandom. I know it can be difficult outside of our fandom, especially with people fighting on Twitter and Instagram and even on Tumblr with people harassing others. But this fandom, fifteen years later, is so smart, so kind, so positive and so inspiring.
If you’ve been reading up ‘till now, thank you!
Also: You can do whatever you set your mind to! I believe in you! Go do the thing if you want to! And never forget to be kind to yourself.
Happy holidays! Let’s hope (fingers crossed!) that 2021 will be a better year.
thevictorianghost
#me#zutara#zuko#katara#motivation#happy holidays#year recap#i dont know how to tag this#2020 was a heck of a year#im glad its over#but it also wasnt all that bad#so i decided to post this
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Project Revival Revival Project Devblog #1
Hey guys, blog post number 1 here. This is my first blog post, so let’s just get right into it. As you can guess, these entries are semi-formal.
So, what’s been going on with the server since we released the conscript guide? Well, less than I had hoped. Let’s take a look. We did an event, we made CWU guide progress, we added fully implemented UU Brand items, and we argued about which apples are the best. Let’s start with the CWU guide. I’ve been the only person writing it, not that I’m complaining. I’ve put down an outline covering the different branches of the CWU (think CMU, Commerce, Infestation Control, etc.), the management structure of the CWU, descriptions of each branch and how they work, and a section on rules and things about the CWU as well as the glossary. At the time of writing this, I’ve finished the basic branch overview sections, the descriptions of the different CWU ranks, Director, Manager, Supervisor, all that. I finished the sections on the Commerce Branch and the Decontamination Corps. Those are finalized, save one little exception, I need to add more examples of what a high work job would be for decontamination corps workers. Work for it has stagnated recently, just because while I can do technical writing, that doesn’t mean I love doing it. Unfortunately, my inability to focus and my skill at procrastinating has been a bit of a barrier. Still, I’m hoping I can get it done quickly. I’ve got 6 more guides to write and time isn’t moving any slower. Just to let you all know, the guides are, in this order, the OTA guide, the vortigaunt guide, the CAC guide, the OSA guide, and then the city bureaucracy guide. As I said before, I implemented UU brand items. Some of them weren’t working as consumable food for hunger anymore, but now they all do. We also added a few new items that hadn’t existed before such as popcorn, peanuts, bananas, pickles, and a handful of others. In the process of doing this, I argued with LightROOM about which types of apples are the best. The correct answer is Honeycrisp.
So, what’s coming up? Things that may be on the backburner, or are planned next, that type of thing. Well, the very next plan after the CWU guide, if not during, is to make all of the weapons we’ll use in RP into Helix items. This really only goes for one SWEP, but I still need to double check and make sure I’m not missing something. After that, as you can imagine, we’ve got guides to write. The OTA guide is up next, and shouldn’t be too difficult to write. Half of the content, if not more, should overlap with the CCA guide. The biggest challenge is making a good rank system that isn’t super confusing. Even then, it shouldn’t be too difficult. Also, keep in mind, snipers will not be called RANGER. That’s a common practice that I don’t really care about, but I heard the name SCALPEL somewhere else so I’m completely in love with it. Anyways, other than guides, what’s coming up next? I’ve got several items and weapons to make or find. Flashbangs, smoke grenades, tear gas, riot shields, deployable manhacks, and armor repair kits. As a staff team, we have to write a detailed rules and policies document for the server. I’m not trying to rewrite the Constitution, I just want to make our rules and how things are punished more clear and universal. Same goes for our handling of permakills, NLR, lines at which unionwashing can be broken, what items go out for what loot rolls, and various other important things staff need to know. Something else I’m very excited about, don’t expect this to come out super soon, but I have to do an OSA overhaul which I’m very excited for. I get to add hunters that don’t function exclusively with a pill, I’m transferring over stalkers to be combat units like in the beta, I have to write a SWEP for the Combine Super Soldier, a SWEP for the elite synth soldiers, all this fun stuff that I’m very excited to do. We’ll get there, don’t worry. Next up, what are some less defined, more hopeful future things to look forward to? I’ve been thinking about adding a staff schedule for over the summer. That way, we can be guaranteed to have staff on the server at all possible active hours, and the server won’t be dead 95% of the time like it has been for the last while. That’s not confirmed, but it’s very likely I’ll do something along those lines. I’d like to get some more events in. Given that it’s July, a lot of people are on summer break, so hopefully I can do some mid-day events. The next campaign is also somewhere in the future. I’ve been teasing it for the last couple events, but I want to plan it and get official campaign events going. I’ve also got ideas for special events to happen during the summer. I can’t be too specific because I don’t want to build hype for something not even confirmed yet, but I can say that I’m hopeful they do get to happen and I’m excited to make them full priority after I can get the Project Revival Revival Project done. Other things I’d just in general like to do, a more expanded crafting system, possibly something to simulate survivalism, industry and work cycle expansion, replacement of CID cards with identibands, a health charger revamp, scanner to combot transition, and a few other things. I could talk for hours about all the things I eventually want to do. That blog post would be a few pages long at the very least.
So, all that said, how am I feeling about the server? Over the past week, a bit worried, hopeful, and not too much of anything else. I’ve been busy assembling my cosplays for a convention coming up next weekend, so the server has unfortunately been on the backburner this week. I’m a bit disappointed that the player count tanked again, but I shouldn’t get too down about it, because it’s absolutely my fault. I’m trying to justify with myself that it’s okay because the rerelease will make everything better, but I can’t be sure of that. So I’m worried that I’m just contributing to the slow and painful re-death of the server. I get bursts of inspiration a lot, but the work ahead of me is discouraging. Writing the guides is a big slog for me. Hopefully I can get through it soon. I really want to keep this all going.
That’s about it for this first blog entry. It was a bit lengthy, but I want to be transparent with you guys. I want you all to know we haven’t forgotten about you all, and writing these posts holds us accountable for the goals we set and the work we do. To those of you who are patiently waiting, I see you and I appreciate you. You guys are great and the time you spend on the server warms my heart.
Gabe
#hl2rp#half-life#half life#half life 2#half-life 2#hl#hl2#hl2beta#gmodhl2rp#gmod#garrysmod#garry's mod#garrys mod#garry mod#ixhl2rp#seriousrp#gmodrp#swrp#star wars#server#servers#video game#video gaming#videogames#videogaming#gaming#gamer#games#online games#onlinegames
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surgery anon again and YEA I remember all my questions. the big ones were... who sent him back. i was like hm cas died b4 Chuck died. Chuck possibly sent him back to save himself? OH ALSO did death send cas back to save himself (herself? is billie dead. the death sent him back theory is sponsored by a line in chapter 25 where dean is thinking about sending sam a postcard and an old man is staring at him being like send ur brother a post card before it’s too late. racked my brain for who r old men in supernatural who could do time travel and would be not evil but not making things easy either. and my sister was like ‘oh well death’) ALSO i went in for a long while about what cas would do when he got his memories back. i remember being like the fic is INSANELY in character so we should draw our conclusions from what already exists in canon, like 7.17. so cas would probably start worrying immediately about if they ended up defeating Chuck and probably assume that Chuck sent him back. also he’d probably worry that he like.. took advantage of dean or something because he’s insane. and then I was like he’d probably want to know if Chuck, assumed to be the one who sent him back, was in like current timeline heaven. also at this point my sister began giving input as well she became my sounding board lmaooo. we were like well he wouldn’t be able to go to heaven probably so he’d need to ask an angel.
also I was very jntersted in this because cas having positive relationships with some of his siblings is... very nice to see and the most underutilized part of spn. so I was like he’d probably wanna call or summon an angel to talk. but also a ton of angels that he personally killed would be alive again and I think he’d feel really guilty/overwhelmed so he wouldn’t wanna trap any of them? so I was trying to list off all the angels that cas canonically was friends with or implied to be close to prior to Lazarus Rising. and my list was like... ok samandriel, hester, balthazar. a bunch of others who im forgetting right now. but then my sister was like wouldn’t naomi simply have lobotomized them. and I was like oh true!! well... balthazar faked his own death prior to season 6. and he and cas were canonically very good friends before balthazar went to earth. BUT, balthazar stated that cas rebelling was the final reason that he decided to fake his death. BUT ALSO... I feel like.. the timeline works out like 2008 cas pulls dean out of hell. 2009-10 he rebels against heaven. there’s like a few months period where Balthazar could have faked his death and then around a year to fully embrace hedonism. so I feel like... even before cas rebelled he would’ve been like shirking his duties or something in an Aziraphale good omens type beat. this also accounts for naomi not paying attention to him. SO LIKE... also this is just an elaborate explanation for why balthazar, who I love, should be in ur fic. but I think for these reasons it makes sense that future cas, with this knowledge, would summon balthazar for help? questions? idk, I just liked cas having an angel who was friendly with him and he trusted. i mean your fic has given cas so many friends and I love it I’d be fine if you didn’t introduce any new characters at all! i just thought it’d be interesting to see and also be a good way to introduce like you know.., broader angels i suppose. if the time travel shenanigans are sticking to the s1-2 timeline angels couldn’t be super heavily involved, unless cas butterfly effect-ed it (which is mad interesting) anyway I think cas would be panicked about the future and last and would wanna ask about the state of heaven, if Chuck was there in the current timeline. and I think it’d make the most sense and least disturbance that he summon balthazar. because they were friends and also I don’t think balthazar would like.. tell anybody.
im literally SO sorry this is so long and I’m like hm. maybe i should send a second ask with more thoughts. anyways i hope you’re having a good night im feeling better already :)
i’m loving the ask box essays, truly we’ve never been more free when we’re allowed unlimited characters in our messages to other tumblr accounts.
i guess i shouldn’t be surprised that people wonder how cas got sent back, like that was one of the first things i knew about this fic, the who did it part, but in my mind it didn’t really matter/isn’t as interesting as what happens BECAUSE he’s sent back (you will get an answer to the ‘who’ btw. eventually. there are some hints in my fic as well as what some people have commented and things that are in my heard from your mother au tag on here...)
when cas gets his memories back, there are several things happening at once, so he may need to put his 12 years of trauma on the backburner for a bit lol.
angels will appear to some extent as well. i think it’s interesting that despite some of the higher-ups making remarks that cas has a ‘crack in his chassis’ and had to keep getting mind wiped, quite a few other angels seemed to like and respect him, at least earlier on in the show. he had enough, idk, charisma? to lead angel armies. more than once, too! that, combined with the fact that other angels besides him need to get sent to naomi imply (even if spn didn’t really do much w it bc, you know,) that a decent amount of angels may be more into humanity and free will than we’d think. i’m sure we don’t see so many of them later on bc, you know, most of them are dead, but at this point in the show? who’s to say. cas spends enough time reading about class consciousness that he starts an angel union against lobotomies lmao. they can’t take ‘em all, right?
i also think cas needs to end my fic by having twenty hand made friendship bracelets worn on both wrists at all times and ppl constantly blowing up his phone bc he’s that guy!! :)
#his favorite is the one dean makes him and dean wears one that cas made him in turn <3#it's their unofficial 'going steady' accessory until 2015#asks#heard from your mother au#glad you're feeling better!!#Anonymous
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Rescue Team Retrospective Part 8: Characterization, Part 5
Hero
Much to my surprise, they actually do have more spoken dialogue than I remember. However, most of it still seems to be when they are/think they are alone, when they are dreaming, or during dialogue tree options. They also have funnier dialogue options on the whole, compared to in Explorers. …And I honestly don’t remember how much they have in PSMD, but I feel like it still less than they had in Gates?
Anyways, I get the feeling that they’re a bit older than most of the other protagonists, mostly in terms of what little dialogue we do see and how their situation seems a bit more dire in general? They are more prone to speculating on their new nature as a pokemon, for one, and they seem a bit more active over all in actually trying to figure out what exactly happened to them. Possibly this is because they actually get some hints early one with Alakazam suggesting they go check out the Hill of the Ancients, compared to Explorers waiting until the expedition and then pretty much stumbling into a possibility with Uxie, PSMD not really seeming to touch on it until way, way late in the game, and Gates actually having some knowledge of what they’re there for, but then deciding not to bother finding out anything else despite having the clearest path.
The Rescue Team Hero has the smallest support group and the natural disasters they keep experiencing first hand, even within the town, make their situation the most dangerous from the get-go, but they rise to the challenge admirably. And also, no one questions the fact that they are choosing to live alone even though we do have multiple examples of parents with children present in the Square—which is another reason why I think they must be older, because otherwise I would hope one of the actual adults would question it. So I’d give them late teens at minimum.
We don’t really get too much of a backstory on them besides the fact that they apparently spoke with Gardevoir and suggested the memory wiping themselves as a test of their worthiness. I think that the implication might also be that they are actually from the pokemon world specifically, rather than pulled there like the Gates hero was, but it isn’t entirely clear from the dialogue exactly how far the “We” that Gardevoir spoke of could reach on their search for a savior, so it could really go either way. I personally headcanon them as coming from the human world, though.
Of all the different heroes, I still think they have the least actual characterization—though they definitely do have more of it than I previously remembered.
Partner
I’m going to note again that I am just going with the original version. I know that DX changed some stuff—especially when it comes to the post game interactions—but since I haven’t played that version, I can’t comment on it.
The Partner actually seemed a lot sassier and selfish than I remember them being. Like, sure, I did recall that line about them faking a stomachache before they go off to save Shiftry, but even before that… well, they make fun of the hero’s name, for one, and they seem a bit self-centered and glory seeking when it comes to receiving personal rescue requests. Like… I touched on it a little in the Gengar post, but their reaction to the mail stealing scene struck me a bit differently as an adult than it did when I was a child. They weren’t angry that someone was stealing from their friend’s mailbox—they were angry that they weren’t the ones who would be getting the credit for completing the rescue requests. And maybe I’m just being nit-picky about it, but the subtle difference there just strikes me as putting the partner in a bit more negative light.
That aside, their devotion to the hero is clear. They are a great friend and go to many lengths to help them figure out their identity. And I actually think their moment of doubt after hearing the Ninetales Legend for the first time actually serves to strengthen their emotion and conviction. They really did go ride or die from the hero—knowing all the risks and having only their friendship as a reason to follow them on the fugitive arc. Comparatively, the Explorers partner literally was just dragged along with no say in the matter, the Gates partner thought it was just going to be a standard rescue mission when they agreed to help, and the PSMD partner was really the one who seemed to be calling the shots for the most part (and also accidentally got dragged along to their fugitive arc equivalent much like the Gates hero did, since their initial assumption was that the mission was going to be different than what ended up happening).
This is why I felt—and still feel—very betrayed by the fact that they pretty much abandon the hero after the main storyline. And they can even kick you out of your actual house if you choose them to be the leader. Okay, so the way that they frame it is to suggest taking a divide and conquer approach—that you can make teams specifically suited to each quest—but its just really sad that they no longer follow you around anymore or get any special dialogue if you visit their friend area.
I don’t think their goals and desires are as clear cut as some of the other partners. They seem to be almost making things up as they go at some points. Yes, there is an early indication and justification for wanting to form a Rescue Team initially, but they don’t really seem to get too into the idea of what that actually means until Caterpie expresses an interest in one day joining and the partner then suggests one day creating a proper base. And then promptly says nothing else on the matter or tries to get that started at any point between then and the fugitive arc until they randomly bring it up after meeting the mankey gang. Like, sure, some of that was put on the backburner when they got that suggestion to see Xatu… but there was still a little time before that, and there was ample opportunity for them to have had some sort of dialogue option indicating that they were still interested in doing that, but were going to put it aside in deference to the hero’s needs.
From that point of view, their bond with the hero probably is a lot stronger from the beginning. Which is in some ways good, but in other ways bad since it means we don’t get to see as much relationship growth. Though, ironically, I think we do see more growth from this pair in that matter than we do from the Explorers pair, especially considering the “moment of doubt” scene.
Like, sure, the Explorers duo are excellent friends, and obviously they are extremely close considering the whole Dimensional Scream thing. But while we do see some individual growth from the partner, there aren’t too many overt examples. Sure, we get that montage before the credits… but its just a lot more subtle. And that actually speaks more to the sort of easy friendships of young children, which is another reason that I headcanon that pair as being so young—which makes it all the sweeter that the duo can stand the test of time and remain close even after the big adventure is over.
That being said, I still think that the Rescue Team pair has less relationship growth than Gates or PSMD does. Which is probably one of the few nice things I can say about PSMD—I really do like how they handled the partner’s character growth there… it’s just too bad that a lot of the time it came at the expense of the hero, in multiple ways.
So I guess my overall verdict on the Rescue Team partner is that they aren’t as flat of a character as I remember, they’re still lacking in personal growth overall and are probably the overall weakest partner of the series even though there are some aspects in which they excel.
As a final note… Interestingly enough, it really is only the Gates and Rescue Team partners who really get the chance to make a deliberate choice to put the hero’s desires before their own—though it is slightly more subtle in the Rescue Team partner’s case. Sure, unlike the Gates partner, the Rescue Team partner doesn’t ever have the opportunity to actually ask the hero to stay with them—the hero didn’t tell them they would have to leave and then came back on their own anyways fairly quickly, and though the partner did question once whether or not they wanted to turn into a human again, they didn’t really comment much either way and the subject was quickly dropped. But it was the Rescue Team partner who worked through a moment of doubt and resolved to trust their hero, and, again, they did not have to go on the run with the hero. The hero outright offered to disband the team and give them the chance to leave, and they refused.
This is much like the subtle way that the Gates partner showed they cared. True, they didn’t exactly take back their words to the hero about wanting them to stay—at least not beyond what they said in the goodbye frism—but they were very willing to pass up on the opportunity to wish for their return if it meant the hero would be happier on Earth, and they tried their hardest to give them the best of both world when they did finally make a wish.
In comparison, the question was never really brought up with the Explorers partner, and they didn’t really have a choice or opportunity either way. And the PSMD partner didn’t give the hero any chances or opportunities at all, period—only some of which can be explained on the fact that apparently they also had their own case of amnesia, because even then they weren’t trying all that hard to look into the hero’s situation before that point when they, at least, actually got the opportunity to have an actual life and childhood full of new memories with their guardian and didn’t actually realize they had changed species at all, unlike the hero who knew full well from the get-go that they had amnesia and weren’t supposed to be a pokemon at all.
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WIPWCW #3
I AM WRITING THIS FOR THE SECOND TIME BECAUSE SCREW TUMBLR! BUT ANYWAY, hi guys! Back for another check-in in @wipwc-wednesday ’s game~
Weekly WC: 3000~
Less productive than last week in terms of writing new stuff, but worry not! I wrote some more for Reichenbach Falls, then some for a new installment for Take It Or Leaf It, a destiel Flower Shop AU, and the second part will be up soon!
WIP Status:
RF and TIOLI are doing great! But the best part this week is that I got back to my potterlock fanfiction, Harry Potter and the Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, where we can see 3 timelines: 1997 where the Golden Trio seeks help from our Baker Street boys, and then the 80s at Hogwarts (John and Sherlock and Greg) and the 90s (Draco and Harry). I have burnt out in November regarding this fic and put it on the backburner for about 3 months, so now I am reviewing what I have written because oh God, the cringe I feel at my past self. I am polishing it up, and slowly I will replace the existing chapters with the edited ones. Seriously past me, wtf, those typos. I have gone through around 65k~ words out of 85k, so I think that’s good! The next step will be to prewrite a couple chapters ahead of time before I get to my regular posting schedule so as not to stress later. Small steps.
Chapters:
I compiled the 15 existing potterlock chapters into ones that are longer, but the chapter count reduced in half. I wasn’t happy with how short the last few updates were, so there’s that. This is another huge fic of mine, smh, yes, I am very much insane. But hey, I am happier with it now! I am currently reviewing John and Sherlock’s third year; I have about half of it done (and published as it is), so I need to write the rest and the second semester - S&J&G are sniffing out what happened to the Chamber of Secrets, heh! The plan is then to jump onto their fourth year, and this is where the drarry timeline comes in. In short, I will alternate between the 80s and 90s timelines to create parallels, and this will then come in handy in the timeline of ‘97 where they are looking for the horcruxes. Oof. So much stuff to do, but hey, I am enjoying it and that’s what matters! Gotta remember to keep my mental health in check, though.
Favourite Characters To Write This Week:
Blake Selcout - my OC from the potterlock fic. He is a student from Ilvermorny who transferred in his final year, he is in Slytherin, AND THE SLYTHERIN TRIWIZARD TOURNAMENT CHAMPION! alongside Harry ofc. I think it will offer a unique perspective on Hogwarts and its issues such as the House rivalry, and later push the plot forward when it comes to redeeming the Houses and Slytherin, but I like to think it will redeem the Hogwarts mentality as a whole in the end.
Castiel - whether in RF or Take It Or Leaf It, Cas is a precious guy. I love him. In Reichenbach Falls, he offers us a new angel perspective, as we come to learn since episode 11 and forward. BABY IN A TRENCHCOAT
Favourite Snippet/Scene:
This comes from chapter titled ‘101 Things To Do At a Muggle Household’ from the potterlock crossover fic. Sherlock and Greg come over to John’s place for a sleepover during summer and they try out muggle things! Namely pizza here:
“This is delicious!” Greg said with his mouth full. He took a sip of Coca-Cola, grabbing a slice of the pineapple pizza. John’s breath caught in his chest, and Sherlock lifted his head as well from the tuna slice he stole from under John’s nose.
“Greg, you can always back out from eating that disgusting thing, you know?” John said as Sherlock gulped down his piece, shuffling to the opposite side of the table to get a slice of his own. “I only want what’s good for you, mate.”
“Promises, promises,” Greg said, sighing as though he were in love with his food. Not unlikely, Giovanni’s pizza was of heavenly quality. John averted his gaze as Greg bit into the devil’s trap. The retribution in the form of spitting and cursing didn’t occur, however.
John looked up, horrified to see that both Sherlock and Greg chewed their slices, and neither appeared to be appalled or disgusted. One small victory was Sherlock not seeming as taken by it as he had been with the tuna pizza. Greg, on the other hand, devoured the slice he had been holding and then grabbed another one.
“So… What do you think? Sherlock?” John asked, hoping to get some understanding out of this. He watched Greg annihilate half of the pizza while Sherlock spoke.
“It’s… Strange. Not as dreadful as you had made it sound, but not marvelous either. It’s acceptable,” he said, putting down the crust and dusting off his hands. He poured himself some more Coca-Cola. “Although I think that Gawain here thinks otherwise.”
Greg threw the crust he put down at him when he messed up his name, Sherlock ducking it as he grabbed a slice of pepperoni pizza.
“This stuff? It’s amazing! How can you not like it?” Greg mouthed, spitting out wet crumbs. John backed away a bit towards Sherlock.
“I’m a man of culture, that’s how,” John said, rolling his eyes as he smiled. Greg was ridiculous, and the stunt he was pulling with the pizza was making him gag, but this was his first day spent immersed in a completely muggle household – could he blame him?
This chapter is also on ao3, but this excerpt come from the edited version. Hopefully I will get to post it instead of the unrevised version soon! That’s all folks, see you next week! <3
#WIPWCW#check in#Reichenbach Falls#Take It Or Leaf It#Harry Potter and the Adventures of Sherlock Holmes#john watson#Sherlock#Harry Potter#draco malfoy#johnlock#Johnlock fic#drarry#destiel#flower shop au#potterlock#slytherin#harry potter x draco malfoy#ravenclaw sherlock#gryffindor john#hufflepuff greg
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