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muffixx · 2 years

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muffix reads a shit ton of sbi & dnf fics (and here are some of my favs) <3

hello everyone!! im back! I kinda fell out of the fandom but I’m back in!! I’ve read a lot of fics, mainly dnf and sbi, and here are some of my favs <3 there might be some non dnf and non sbi centric fics, but I’ll mark them as so. also nothing here is smut / explicit, just to let you know. I also separated these to dnf centric and non dnf centric , so you can find the fics you want easier!!

[ please make sure to tell me if I made any mistakes or if the links aren’t working!!]

DNF FANFICS <3

ReasonsToDateMe.mp3 by kivy

high school au, pining, fluff & humor, getting together, 13.5k words 5 chapter completed

❤︎ where dream hopelessly pines for george and records 50 reasons why they should get together, but george is clueless on who his not so secret admirer could be. this one is super cute and wholesome, george is oblivious but it works out well anyway <3

Reason #48: We've made out on my couch before, and if that's not love, I don't know what is.

Everyone's convinced that Dream and George are dating - even Dream himself. Surely, with the sitting-in-each-other's-laps, having-after-school-'dates', knowing-the-feeling-of-each-other's-lips-on-their-own... surely they're dating.

But with the recent revelation that George does not, in fact, believe he is romantically involved with his best friend, Dream decides to take their relationship into his own hands, through a lovely playlist of 50 reasons why George should date him.

The only problem with that? George is dense as fuck, and has no clue it's Dream's voice he's hearing. Dream decides to see what playing dumb gets him.

(Spoiler: it gets him a boyfriend.)

Dirty Little Secret by cleopatras

secret relationship, relationship reveal, fake rivals, coming out, college/uni athletes au, fluff, living together, idiots in love, 1.7k words oneshot

❤︎ despite the name, no this is not smut lol. where dream and george play football and everyone thinks they hate eachother, but really they are very much in love and have been dating for 2 years <3

Dream and George really didn't mean to hide their relationship from their team. Really, they just never got around to telling them. And then everyone started thinking they hated each other for some reason. Then, the idea of telling everyone was just plain daunting. Until now.

i take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover by beeisnotfound

established relationship, actor/celebrity dream, mcyt george, fluff, secret relationship, relationship reveal (only to Karl and quackity tho), 1.3k words oneshot

❤︎ where dream is a very famous actor and george is george, they both are very much in love, and they decide to reveal this to karl and quackity. part one of a series of one shots, I definitely recommend on reading all of them!

When looking at GeorgeNotFound, the decently popular Minecraft YouTuber, you would think he was a relatively ordinary guy. Makes content at least once a week, hangs out with his friends on streams, posts pretty often on Twitter, the typical makings of a regular YouTuber.

Of course, like all the other streamers, George has many secrets. One time, when he was 17, he blacked out at a party and woke up in a bush. He’s poured soda over his head and drank bath water for goals on streams before. And he’s dating one of the most famous modern day actors, Dream.

aka the one where dream an actor and george is still a mcyt and theyre a little (a lot) in love

flirting on the timeline by cloudfarmer

dream is mcyt, george is a stan, idiots in love, slow-ish burn, social media, humor, crack treated seriously, backround karlnap, 44.5k words 11 chapters completed

❤︎ where george is a dream stan, and after a flirty encounter in twitter they start talking, and maybe sorta (a lot) fall in love. this one was really funny but also super sweet, they r such dorks, and there is a part two which is just a cute oneshot.

George: i was working sapnap. why the fuck are you acting like the world is ending

George fits his thumb between his teeth as he waits for Sapnap’s reply. He expects he won’t have to wait long, as the younger is rarely far away from his phone. Sure enough, mere seconds later three grey dots appear at the bottom of the screen and George stares at them intently as he waits for Sapnap to finish typing.

Sapnap: check dream’s tweets and replies on twitter.

George lets out a sigh of frustration. Why does Sapnap have to be so overly dramatic? But still, George navigates to twitter and types “dreamwastaken” in the search bar, clicking his profile when it appears, and then on Tweets & replies.

The page loads, and he almost drops his phone in shock.

What the actual fuck.

Dream is a popular Minecraft Youtuber and George runs a stan account for him on Twitter. After George replies to one of Dream's tweets with a jokingly flirtatious proposal, it quickly turns into a lot more than George was expecting when Dream publicly accepts.

this time it’s tweet cute by Owlwinter

dream is mcyt, george is the guy who writes twitter descriptions, fluff & humor, crack treated seriously, social media, sorta-enemies to lovers, secret identies, backround sbi, happy ending, 6 chapters 12.1k words completed.

❤︎ where george writes twitter descriptions and after getting told his descriptions suck ass and are super dry infiltrates a fan group chat to learn more about the fandom, where he coincidentally meets dream. I suck at making descriptions so lmao that’s the best I can do sorry lol.

Sapnap: Damn, even I think that is one dry-ass trending description

Sapnap: How much do you get paid to write those again?

George: none. this is an unpaid internship and I hate it here.

Or: in which George is the Twitter Description Man, and Dream is the perpetually-trending Minecraft youtuber he has a love-hate relationship with.

how to not behave on the bird app by OutOfTune is a series of oneshots that goes after,make sure to read the description to read it in order!!

You Could Be My One and Only by nmuna

youtuber dream, george is just some dude lol, fluff, light angst, hurt/comfort, a bit of jealousy, cuddling, pet names, domestic fluff, secret relationship, relationship reveal, social media, 30.1k words 6 chapters completed

❤︎ where dream is dating george, and finally decides to introduce him to his friends and fans. this one was SOOO cute <33 it’s really fluffy and wholesome, the type of fluff that is super domestic, there’s light angst but it’s still super good.

The 5 times Dream — Clay hid George away from the rest of his world.

+ The one time he didn't care anymore.

In which Dream slowly starts to introduce George to his world, his friends, and his online persona.

title is from softly by clairo

stay (you are my soulmate) by Anonymous

soulmates, multiple universes, domestic bliss, mermaid au, college/uni au, coffe shop, high school au, magic/urban fantasy, irl au/mcyt au, 5.6k words completed oneshot

❤︎ seven lives dnf met in, and how in all of them, they fall in love. this one is so cute, each au is so wholesome and ugh <3

Life seemed to shove Dream and George together, through universes and dimensions, like rubber bands knotted together, bands that always bounced back to each other, no matter how far they got pulled apart.

or, seven lives that dreamnotfound meet in.

villain, i have done thy mother by greyquills

high school au, tutoring, secret relationship, breaking up and making up, angst with a happy ending, humor, friendship, sbi, family dynamics, light angst, wilbur and techno are twins, oneshot 13.7k words

❤︎ where dream gets a certain loud blonde for his peer tutor, this unexpectedly takes a toll in his relationship. this one is dnf centric but also kinda tommy centric? I’ll just put in the dnf catorgy bc dnf is still a big part lol

After George convinces him to sign up to be a peer tutor in the winter of their senior year, Dream gets paired with the most annoying freshman he’s ever met. But dealing with Tommy is one thing; dealing with the strain it puts on his and George's relationship is another entirely.

[message redacted] by justyouraverageloser

different first meetings, texting, strangers to friends to lovers, slow-burn,confessions, first meetings, first kisses, 20.0k words 21 chapters completed

❤︎ dream asks for a girls number only to find out it was not even hers, it is however a certain british boys number, they start talking, and maybe, slowly, fall in love.

Dream gets a girl's number and thinking he hit the jackpot, texts it as soon as he gets home. Who knew it wasn't hers, and who would've ever thought he'd get attached to this person he doesn't even know the name of?

check chat by TrashcanWithSprinkles

minecraft realism,stuck in a video game, action/romance, pining , happy ending, 20.7k words 4 chapters completed

❤︎ 100 people wake up and find themselves stuck in a video game, while the others are together, george spawned by himself. this was a super chill read, it was really fun to read to, seeing all the unique ways george survived, idk I liked the concept a lot lmao.

In which a hundred of them wake up inside Minecraft and George is all alone.

ambedo by solochimmy

Harry Potter au, hogwarts au, hurt/comfort, thestrals, quidditch, strangers to lovers, missunderstandings, fluff & humor, first kisses, 15.1k words oneshot

❤︎ dream is the new kid who is a metamorphagus and can change his hair color and george tries to convince himself he totally doesn’t have a crush on him

George chokes on his spit, angrily snapping his Sugar Quill in half. He looks mournfully at the two sugary halves before shoving one in his mouth, chewing it in exasperation. “I don’t have a crush.”

“Oh! We’re talking about Dream!” Sapnap leans against George, his legs neatly placed in Bad’s lap. “Yeah, you do dude. You literally went bright red at the end of the Quidditch match the other day,” Sapnap gleefully comments, snatching the other half of the broken Sugar Quill and popping it in his mouth.

“Stop it, I don’t have a crush on Dream!” George spits out loudly, watching as Techno and Wilbur look over curiously, chuckling at him before turning back to their game. George wants to Obliviate himself on the spot.

fistfights (and other ways to say i love you) by enonymous

high school au, flirting, fluff, getting together, misunderstandings, fistfights, humor, crushes, flustered dream, oneshot 1.1k words

❤︎ dream keeps getting in fights and george always has to bring him out and fix him up after, george never knows why until one day he asks. this one was so cute !! it’s actually one of my first dnf fics I’ve read lol

Dream keeps getting into fights. George keeps patching him up. There's a perfectly reasonable explanation for all of this, and surprisingly, it's not just teenage hormones.

go, george, go! by primdise

dreamXD is dream, college/uni au, roommates/housemates, light-hearted, humor, dream is homeless lol, oneshot 5.1k words

❤︎ where george meets a god, who is kinda lost, and offers him a place to stay, it just so happends to be a might chaotic. this is part one of a ongoing series of lil oneshots!!

“You said you're a god, right? Does that mean you have some form of riches?”

At that, Dream scoffs. “I don’t. Riches are only of mortal sin… But I can do this.”

Picking up a stone from the ground, Dream holds it in his palm, the space around it darkens and once he opens his hand again, the stone from earlier is replaced by a shiny golden ingot.

With widened eyes, George pulls the man’s hand to eye level. Assesses the tiny clump for a few seconds. Takes it. Bites it. Hard.

Dream gives him a disgusted look but George ignores it as the cogs in his head turn. It’s real gold.

Holy— George is a genius.

( or, xdnf au where george is a broke college student and dream is a homeless god, and then they were roommates )

thy eternal summer shall not fade by greyquills

high school au, flirting, references to Shakespeare, literature, love letters, confessions, academic rivals to lovers,4.5k words oneshot

❤︎ where dream does whatever he can to make George flustered, including reciting shakespeare to him. another fic from this author!! I also just realised that this is a prequel to the previous fic by this author that I recommended, but both can be read stand alone so it��s fine lmao

Dream just smirks, leaning forward on the desk that separates them. The movement sends George's copy of Hamlet tumbling to the floor in a flurry of pages. George winces. "What do you think, George? Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?"

“Please don't," George says desperately.

A month into their senior year of high school, Dream spends the entirety of period three AP Literature class finding new and creative ways to flirt with George. George is understandably flustered.

dream plays with kittens (while answering fan questions) by maybeitslove

implied dnf, buzzfeed, interviews, post-face reveal, post-dteam meetup, fluff, ambiguous relationship, fluff, 1.4K words oneshot

❤︎ as the title said, dream answers questions from buzzfeed while playing with kittens!!

Buzzfeed presents The Kitten Interview ft. Dream

“George always calls me Dream unless he’s mad or something and says Clay.” Dream admits with a laugh, “But it catches me off guard every time, like oh shit he’s being serious now.”

Realization hits him suddenly. “Oh- I just cursed, sorry! Is that allowed?” He looks over at the team of people behind the lights with an apologetic expression.

we’ve got a bit of love hate by brokenlikeasnitch

pro athlete au, enemies to lovers (kinda?), social media, twitter, secret relationship, relationship reveal, banter, soccer au, protective dream, 5.6k words oneshot

❤︎ where everyone thinks dnf hate eachother but really they’ve been dating for years. this is part of a series, the next part shows the fans reaction to the reveal !!

“George, how do you feel about playing against an old rival tomorrow?”

He hummed, twiddling his thumbs, feigning boredom, “You mean Dream? I’m not worried about him in the slightest.”

The room went silent, and the PR guy sighed, motioning for another reporter to speak. She asked, “Have you been able to share any tactics with your teammates about playing against Dream. He’s one of the top players on the Union’s roster, so I imagine it must be a bit daunting preparing to go up against him.”

George shrugged, “Dream is dogwater, we could have a random walk-on come in and beat him tomorrow night. That’s what I told my team.”

“Oh god,” the PR rep whispered, head buried in his hands.

Or: Dream and George have been together since college but no one can tell.

"I can't smell anything over your stupid Axe body spray." by Ship_On_The_Sea

hogwarts au, harry potter au, they r in love and everyone knows except them, idiots in love, they r dense and oblivious, amortentia (love potion), 1.9k words oneshot

❤︎ dream and george make amortentia but they are pretty sure they made it wrong because for some reason all they can smell is eachother.

That moment when your and your bestie are making a love potion but all you smell is their goddamn cologne...

(aka the Hogwarts au nobody asked for, featuring Minecraft Youtubers and being denser than a brick)

george h.d.'s "patented" guide on what to know when dating a werewolf by crimsvn

werewolf dream au, everyone else is human, fluff, au not mcyt, tooth rotting fluff, notes, 7.6k words oneshot

❤︎ dream is a werewolf, and george writes a guide on what it’s like dating one.

Surprisingly, there’s a lot more to having a werewolf for a boyfriend than George would have ever thought.

There is so much, in fact, that one day George begins writing a list—a sort of "how-to" guide for himself to help navigate the strange and sometimes oddly complicated ins and outs of a relationship with a werewolf. With Dream, to be more specific.

The Sun is for the Moon by technobeta

werewolf dream, witch george, enemies to lovers (not really, but witches and werewolves hate eachother, they don’t), friends to lovers, familiars, high school au, fluff, angst with a happy ending, 16.6k words 3 chapters

❤︎ a monster school fic where witch George needs a familiar and dream happends to be a werewolf.

George is a witch and every witch needs a familiar...

(aka the witch George x werewolf Dream monster school fanfic you didn't know existed)

george’s dream (why you write songs about people)

band au, high school au, growing up, moving on, tooth rotting fluff, angst, open/ambiguous ending, exes, breakups, bittersweet, non-explicit sexual content, 5.3k words oneshot

❤︎ five years after their breakup, George goes to one of dreams concert. I love this fic <3 it’s hurts so bad, but is so sweet, Ugh, it’s hard to explain, just read and you’ll get it.

The screams around him intensify as the vocalist sings the first lines of the song— but it’s all a blur.

Because at that moment, Dream looks out into the crowd and meets his eyes.

(or where almost five years after their break up, George was dragged to a band concert where his ex boyfriend is the lead guitarist)

two sides to your confessions by anonymous

the amazing spiderman au, superhero au, not actually unrequited love, first kiss, confessions, high school au, nicknames, relationship reveal, hurt/comfort, 4.2k words oneshot

❤︎ where dream is spiderman, and decides to tell George his identity, and also maybe how he truly feels about him.

“George, I have to tell you something.” The words are whispered, almost too quietly to be heard over the wind.

George tilts his head to the side to eye Dream, eyebrows knitted in confusion. “Okay… you can tell me anything, Dream,” he murmurs, noting the way that the other boy becomes fidgety. His hand is locked around his wrist and his face is flushed. George thinks it’s probably from the cold.

fixing the emptiness by dnfheartz

au not famous, football coach dream, single dad George, strangers to friends to lovers, tooth rotting fluff, falling in love, kid fic, light angst, family fluff, oneshot 12.7k words

❤︎ where George is a single dad, and dream is his daughters football coach.

"daddy, look! you can finally meet coach dream!"

george finally meets his daughters football coach. little does he know that this man is about to change his entire life.

SBI-CENTRIC FICS (+ MORE) <3

change rate by being aggressively kind by sircantus

sbi centric, magic au, fantasy au, prophecies, found family, hurt/comfort, angst & fluff, family dynamics, world building, philza is a good dad,madoption (kinda ?? he kinda just took them lmao), 99.2k+ words 24/? chapters

❤︎ where techno, will, and tommy are children of the prophecy that are destined to destroy and end the world, and phil is just a guy who wants to find them and keep them safe. I LOVE THIS FIC SM <3 this author in general is so good, even if you don’t really read sbi still go check it out trust me!! I’m weak for found family and hurt/comfort lmao.

“You do understand that you’re caring for the thing meant to bring destruction and chaos to our world, right?” The woman asks, Phil looking behind him fondly as Techno grabs at the ends of his wings.

“He’s just a child.” Phil answers distractedly, humming as his wings get gently yanked at.

“He’s the first of three to destroy life as we know it! Shouldn’t we, well, get rid of him?!”

“Oh, no.” Phil raises his eyes with a sharp glare. “Believe me, I have my own way of preventing the apocalypse.”

---

Or, Techno, Wilbur, and Tommy are basically chaotic forces of nature, destined from birth to end the world and bring destruction. Most who hear of the tale of them are trying their best to track them down, and to end the monsters while they’re still young, still just children.

Phil has a different plan.

(In which Phil raises the minecraft equivalents of the anti-christ with love and support, so much so to the point where the world ending is really just a funny thought, and Phil has three kids who casually have powers that are bit more extreme than anything else in the world)

( also if you guys have any fics like this make sure to tell me I like this a lot lmao)

passerine by blujamas

sbi centric, royalty au, gods & goddesses, major character death, angst, found family, techno is a god that phil just found lmao, king philza, prince will & tommy, 76.3k words 7 chapters completed

❤︎ royalty au where phil and techno are immortals, and will & tommy are princes. you’ve probably heard of it, passerine! it’s really good and I definitely reccomend reading it if you haven’t, it’s so good, it’s definitely a tear jerker which I love, I need to feel something lmfao 💀.

“I understand. You heard the place you loved was in trouble, so you came back, but I don’t—I just—why didn’t you take me?” Here it was, at last. Catharsis, or something close to it. “I would have hunted them down with you, Philza, the people who did that to your town. I would have given you your vengeance on a silver platter. I would have given you the world.”

Philza didn’t look guilty. He just looked tired. “I didn’t hunt them down, though.”

Or, that fic where Techno and Phil are old immortals, and Tommy and Wilbur are decidedly... not.

shrike by blujamas

dream team centric, passerine au, passerine prequel, pov gnf, gods & goddesses, toxic platonic relationships, fluff & angst, found family (?), 26.2k+ words, 5/? chapters ongoing

❤︎ passerine! dteam, it’s a prequel. I’m pretty sure this one can be read stand alone? idk tho.

“You know, you might be the only thing alive that knows my name. I don’t know how long I’ve been sleeping, but it must have been long enough for people to have forgotten.” The stag finished the last of the berries and stared at George wonderingly. George chuckled, plucked another handful to offer to it, and continued, “I’d gone to sleep tired. And I wake up tired. Tell me, do you think that’s fair?”

The stag, because it was a stag, did not reply.

But George didn’t mind that, either.

Or, that fic about passerine!Dream Team, but before passerine.

And Then You Fell in Love? by Doodlebloo

platonic beeduo!! beeduo centric, slowburn, canon compliant, angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, ambiguous relationship (? it’s said in the tags, but I’m pretty sure it’s platonic) micheal is there too lmao, found family, family dynamics, 60.9k words ongoing 13 chapters

❤︎ c! beeduo following canon, told through oneshots. this one was sooo good, the portrayal of the characters are exactly how I see them in canon, they are so sweet, family dynamics, platonic husbands, ugh it’s so good <3

Ranboo brushes a thumb over his memory book, the knowledge of Tubbo's entry still fresh in his mind from his quick recap on the way over.

Tubbo: Ex-president. Tommy's friend. Lives in Snowchester. Friend?

"You don't have to, I guess," Tubbo shrugs, rubbing his hands together for warmth. "Just a suggestion."

"You're sure you want me to live here?"

Tubbo frowns. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Well, I mean, we're... We're not exactly friends."

Tubbo's hand - the bad one, the one that's mostly scar tissue - twitches, and Ranboo can sense that he's said something wrong. "Are we not?"

Ranboo and Tubbo go from barely friends to doting husbands in a matter of weeks, adopting a child and building a mansion somewhere along the way. Here are some of the moments in between.

CLASSIFIEDS by thanotphobia (blueooojay)

SCP au (if you don’t know what that is, it’s a made up organisation that contains supernatural/strange entities), sbi, family dynamics, dadza, I don’t want to give too many spoilers but just know that sbi do have powers, found family, 13.8k 9 chapters completed

❤︎ SCP au with sbi + tubbo :D !! I listened to this from the podfic version (which can be found here) which I recommend because it is told through files so it think it just flows better told through pod fic? to each to their own i guess tho lmao. I really liked this one, and I really recommend it, it’s not nearly as popular as I thought it would be and it definitely deserves more :)

These files are for Level 4 personnel or above. Any attempts to access these files without Level 4 clearance will be severely punished.

(SBI SCP AU, inspo taken from the fic "i will be changing soon" by skittykitty here on AO3 and art done for that fic @kjjrro on twitter!)

Eons Are Mere Child’s Play by Calistawon

god! tubbo, immortal!tubbo, they are still mcyt tubbo is just a god lmao, secret identity, identity reveal, 5+1 things, tubbo centric, god of mischief! tubbo, 2.9k words oneshot

❤︎ five times tubbos god identity nearly slipped out and the one time it did.

Tubbo, when sleep deprived, sometimes forgets that nobody knows he’s an immortal deity.

...

Five times that Tubbo almost lets his godly identity slip in front of his friends and their thousands of viewers, plus one time that he has to reveal his secret completely.

Dreary Weather by VenetaPsi

detriot become human au, beeduo au, robot! ranboo, human! tubbo, struggling with human emotions, emotional hurt/comfort, deviancy, mild panick attacks, happy ending, friendship, oneshot 7.6k

❤︎ part one of a series, tubbo finds a robot who seems to have trouble remembering, they slowly become quick friends, and ranboo struggles with new emotions he’s sure is a error. I love all the fics in this series! the other two is robot wilbur and human tommy, and then robot philza and human techno! they are all really good and I definitely recommend checking this series out!

PART 1

---

Ranboo’s LED turned blindingly scarlet, and Tubbo thought that if androids had true blood, it would’ve drained abruptly from Ranboo’s cheeks.

“What was- was that a laugh?” Tubbo asked, a tad hesitantly, more curiously. “I didn’t know you could laugh. Are you okay?”

A silence stretched, and Ranboo’s eyes had gone unfocused again. Tubbo slowly set the towel aside, leaning closer. “...Ranboo?”

“I-I believe,” The android began, and his body jolted slightly. There was a noticeable stutter in his voice, and Tubbo’s eyes flickered nervously to the red of his temple. “I am experiencing some- some software instabilities. I am sorry."

---

Detroit: Become Human AU!

i'll always have your back by PidgeScarlet

zombie apocalypse au! sbi + tubbo, clingyduo, deaf! tubbo, selectively mute! Tommy, hurt/comfort, angst, trauma, sweet ending, oneshot 5.7k

❤︎ tommy and tubbo meet techno, phil, and wilbur, and maybe it’s for the better.

They watched the light get closer and closer before it broke through the trees, three men with it.

It must have been strange, seeing two teenagers with a car out in the middle of nowhere. Especially with one standing atop the car pointing a gun at them and the other kneeling as he aimed a loaded crossbow.

In which a mute Tommy and deaf Tubbo try their best to survive during a zombie apocalypses whilst dealing with the trauma they carry with them. On top of that, zombies and other survivors just won't leave them alone. They just want a break.

you're a monster (but i still love you) by bruisedbutlovely

sbi centric, elder guardian hybrid! tommy, wither hybrid! techno, enderdragon hybrid! wilbur, dadza, found family, family dynamics, fluff, magic, protectiveness, 4.2k words 2/2 chapters

❤︎ tommy, techno, and wilbur are monsters, cruel, destructive, dangerous monsters, but it’s okay, because philza will never love them any less. there is a sequel! so if you like this go check it out!

Phil had a habit of adopting monsters.

Maybe it was because he was one as well.

(in which phil adopts the three most dangerous beings in the universe and will do anything to protect them)

141 notes · View notes

diyeoracha · 3 years

Text

fanfic recommendations

for @kittensocute bc i heard “atsukita” and “iwaoi” in reference to fanfiction and i am There

i took your “i love slow burn or slow build fics... so i like relatively shorter burn fics (20-30k). If its a 10k oneshot slow burn hELL SIGN ME UP” and absolutely ran with it.

i listed my fav iwaoi fics (17) with a longer word count (longest is 80k) that are all mostly either canon compliant or divergent with only two straight up AUs. none of them feature heavy nsfw content and most if not all are tagged as friends to lovers lmao. feel free to read the my thoughts or just go into them blind!! and they’re all in order of how much I absolutely adore them :^)

now atsukita is not a big ship *sobs* but here are some of my favorite fics (7) of them! a lot of them are shorter bc i guess that’s just. what happens when it’s a small ship LOL.

the formatting in this is fucked if you open it from ur dash but if it’s on my actual blog it should be fine!

Iwaoi

the courtship ritual of the hercules beetle

Word count: 66k

thoughts: my absolute absolute absolute favorite iwaoi fic. the characterization, the fact that oikawa’s a bastard but because he and iwaizumi are older (late 20s i believe), it feels more realistic and sad rather than oikawa being a bitch for the sake of it. spoiler alert it’s slow burn and pining and mostly oikawa not realizing his feelings. this world building is pretty cool bc iwaizumi is the professional player while oikawa is an entomology professor! also i love non-linear narratives bc of This fic. there’s mutual pining in this fic but it’s really really really subtle to the point where you dont even know if oikawa likes iwa. this made me cry like twice.

sunset towns

Word count: 33k

Summary: In the summer of 2020, Oikawa Tooru returns home from his first successful stint as captain of Japan’s national volleyball team. In one hand, he holds the undisputed weight of an Olympic medal, and in the other, his unresolved feelings for a childhood best friend.

thoughts: the tone in this is So similar to the courtship ritual that I liken this as an alternate story even though it’s still oikawa’s pov. professional player oikawa and regular guy iwaizumi and oikawa is just. bumming around at iwaizumi’s place and naturally he messes up but things happen.

told before and told again

word count: 4k

thoughts: i looked through literally all the tags i could’ve thought of for this and nearly cried when i found it agian. outsider POV!!

In damp earth my body

Word count: 15k

Summary: Onscreen, the nation’s favorite setter has arranged himself so that he’s bowing, forehead pressed to the court, like he’s thanking everyone for their kindness thus far, like he’s asking for forgiveness. Hajime thinks: shit, it’s really happening

thoughts: oikawa retires and moves in with iwaizumi and they blur the line between roommates/best friends and being fwb. this is an iwaizumi pov and the pining is obvious on his end. as a iwa stan the tone made me feel weird bc it makes it seem like iwa cares more abt oikawa than he cares abt himself but. its a good fic

i grew up, you grew down

word count: 19k

thoughts: this is also SO funny bc basically oikawa retires and moves in with iwaizumi and becomes his stay at home wife and a bunch of shit happens like people think that oikawa is dating ushijima and oikawa basically loses it every time. here’s one of my favorite quotes:

“Oikawa also bought a new ultra-strength vacuum cleaner he’d decided to name Ushiwaka out of sheer spite, because it sucked all the air right out of the room. Iwa-chan didn’t think the joke was that funny when Tooru told him, which was frankly very hurtful and insensitive.”

Mint

Word count: 19k

thoughts: iwaizumi is moving and oikawa planned a perfect last hangout and it goes to shit featuring matsuhana. oikawa pov where he pines more than iwa which is something i can get behind!! and this was written in 2015 and iwa’s moving bc of a sports medicine program so iwaizumi stans know and love him sm ;;

Almost a Stranger

Word count: 16k

thoughts: same premise as mint LOL except they’re on a trip together and there’s more non-linear narrative!! this one is a little more mature in tone than mint i would say (funny how people just like splitting them up and throwing them in different countries huh)

with every second that you could give

Word count: 9k

Summary: The journey of Iwaizumi and Oikawa going for gold.

Quote: He knows they’re too close. Iwaizumi knows it too, and they both decided to move in together anyway.

thoughts: iwaoi roommates and they’re both obviously and really pine-y for each other and everyone sees it but them. srsly. they’re sleeping in the same bed. like my god

Lost in Translation

Word count: 9k

Summary: Because misfortune come in threes, Iwaizumi Hajime starts his Thursday having a screaming fight with Shittykawa, spends his lunch break listening to the UCI women’s volleyball team gossiping about how Ushijima Wakatoshi had gone public about his longtime love affair with Oikawa Tooru, and closes out the day by drunkenly dropping his phone into a sewer grate.

thoughts: so funny. so sososoosso genuinely funny. the tone is so snappy and iwaizumi honestly just sounds like a confused teenager (which he is in this) and it gets extra points for including a lot of american culture that a lot of the other iwaoi college au ones don’t include for like. obvious reasons lol.

Something Borrowed

Word count: 16k

Summary: In which Oikawa and Iwaizumi have always been a foregone conclusion to everyone else, but a massive, unanswered question to one another.

thoughts: iwaoi roommates thats abo but it’s like. mentioned twice. whiny and possessive oikawa makes an appearance in this but it’s done really well

things that change, things that stay the same

Word count: 8k

Summary: Oikawa realizes he’s in love with his best friend; it sucks for a while. (But only for a little while.)

thoughts: high school getting together!! my second iwaoi fic ever and this one is just. so sweet. just an unsure oikawa realizing iwaizumi might be more than someone he wants as a best friend. this fic is honestly really really lovely.

galaxies, within you

Word count: 21k

Summary: Hajime and Tooru move in together at the start of university. Too bad they’re stuck with the two gremlins that haunt their apartment.

thoughts: ok this fic was so funny. theyre uni roommates and matsuhana just come fuck shit up and they all act like idiots together even though they go to different schools. and this really throws me back to university days.

Thirty Years and Change (the Games of the XXXIII Olympiad)

Word count: 19k

thoughts: pro! oikawa and iwaizumi haven’t been close for a while until oikawa invites iwaizumi to go to the games with him. there’s a lot of frustration and pining and actually talking about feelings (aka iwaizumi losing his mind and getting advice from people like akaashi)

when it starts to rain, they go inside

Word count: 33k

Summary: “Where?” starts Iwaizumi.“ My parent’s old lakehouse, silly, didn’t you hear me the first time?” OR: Oikawa takes Iwaizumi to his lakehouse for two weeks, post-graduation.

thoughts: this was actually my first iwaoi fic which is funny bc the author doesn’t even like oikawa much and i didnt even ship anything in haikyuu before i read this fic and now im in iwaoi hell. oikawa is really frustrating in this in that it’s basically a really good character analysis on how oikawa comes off as a Mean person all the time bc he’s manipulative and there’s some explicit content

shiver

Word count: 16k

Summary: Oikawa was always the brave one. Hajime just followed two paces behind.

thoughts: iwaoi roommates with oikawa admitting his feelings first back when they were in middle school and iwaizumi putting that thought on the backburner until. obviously. things happen.

Desperado

word count: 80k

thoughts: one of my favorite aus. it’s all from kyoutani’s perspective and it’s almost so au that they’re original characters (if that makes sense). basically iwaoi matsuhana are ex-grifters except iwaoi are estranged and daishou somehow brings everyone back together. excellent world building and reading the pov from someone not involved with the iwaoi drama was refreshing

sing with me a song of conquest and fate

word count: 26k

thoughts: a mythical kings au that’s just. so pretty. iwaizumi ends up becoming oikawa’s servant for some reason and the world building is a+ because you can feel the trust and frustration from both of them build

Atsukita

dreams of me and you

word count: 10k (incomplete)

my second atsukita fic that rly sent me down atskt hell ;; what is essentially post-break up when atsumu gets signed to msby and he’s just Pining and sad for the most part. but the established relationship pre-break up was written really nicely because it just fits my hc of them just being domestic and atsumu being blatantly head over heels

take me home

word count: 4k

i read this this morning and it wrecked me. domestic relationship atsukita?? sign me up

No time like the rest of my life

word count: 19k

mythology au with kita as a regular person and rest of inarizaki as fox spirits! it’s cute and the world building is absolutely lovely but it is an au so they might seem ooc but their core character values are still there

wild blue yonder

word count: 6k

literally full of similes and metaphors and it’s more of an abstract read i guess? but it’s so beautiful and soft and this is exactly how i imagine their relationship

reap and sow

word count: 8k

atsumu confesses and kita ignores him and it’s a couple years after the fact and it’s mostly just weirdly domestic almost roommate like except for the fact that atsumu makes it clear he likes kita LOL. they’re really in character for this!

weightless souls

word count: 2k

pillow talk before atsumu’s first game! the atsumu pov and voice is amazing

if we were both alone

word count: 7k

now this was actually my first atskt fic that sent me down this rare pair hell. it’s an explicit chat fic (both tropes i usually try to avoid) but atsumu types like me (except for the nsfw parts alksfjd) so i guess i like. feel appreciation LMAO.

if you do read like any of these fics pls let me know so we can discuss

♡＼(￣▽￣)／♡

#iwaoi #atsukita #i added some more on friday feb 19!

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warmau · 5 years

Text

{Special} College!AU Bang Chan

*this post was commissioned | find other stray kids writing here

major: music theory & composition

minor: linguistics

clubs: tried to turn some members of the music club into a busking group called 3racha ,,,, lets just say they got chased off campus by some of the professors LOL, briefly did tango club against his will because yugyeom dragged him to it

sports: co-captain of the mens swim team

chan is the kind of college student who you meet for the first time and you think ‘wow he’s so social and popular and cool!!!!’

and then after getting to know him for a week or two

you realize he isnt cool at all - he’s social and popular - but he’s a downright GOOFBALL

he takes his studies seriously, music means the world to him and it’s obvious

but he’s also such a ,,,,,,, in the nicest terms possible,,,,,,a big nerd about it

because he’s gotten into heated debates in classes over who the best modern composers are

written long, detailed editorials that he’s submitted to the uni magazine about how much he adores the new travis scott album

and once had to be (forcefully) dragged out of a local tattoo shop by both felix and jisung

because he was sure he needed the lyrics from drakes ‘in my feelings’ somewhere on his body

quote on quote “dude, that song is a religious experience for me”

but he’s also just devoted to it

like he lives for all aspects of music

singing, composing, producing, rapping, he even tries his hand at a dance class as an extracurricular

much to the shock of minho, an actual dance major,

who got called “my son!” by chan in front of all of his other dance major friends

and has yet to forgive chan for this horror

chan actually got offered to join the welcoming committee at the university for his sophomore year

because he has this natural leadership ability, coupled with the fact that he always wants to make everyone laugh

like he goes out of his way to make freshman and nervous looking newcomers feel like they belong

even at the expense of looking or sounding like a fool

seriously, like he was showing around some of the new music theory majors and made a bunch of attempts at corny jokes

“guys, if a cow played music what would be called? A MOO-SCICIAN!”

“what do classical composing majors say when they’re parallel parking? BACH IT UP!”

“please laugh,,,,,im begging you,,,,,”

but of course,,,he’s not a goof all by himself

him and changbin see each other on the way to class and stop in the middle of the quad to do the floss enthusiastically for one whole minute as everyone watches in disbelief

him and felix agree to photobomb literally any photo woojin tries to take of himself

and just in general,,,,,they are that loud group of rowdy boys who sometimes can get too hype and loud

but it’s hard to hate them or be annoyed because let’s be honest,,,,,they’re all adorable

chan does of course have a serious side, he’s actually incredibly caring and sensitive to those around him

when jeongin and seungmin come to visit them on campus, he takes care of them

in subtle ways, but in ways that matter [he makes sure theyre doing well in school and have plans for college too]

he can tell when a friend is feeling down or is having trouble

and he always lends advice or tries to get them to come out and do something fun with him to lighten the mood

there are times in college when his own work is piling up, he has responsibilities to his major and to the swim team he’s on

but he’ll do his best to cram time in to take care of those close to him,,,,,

sometimes at the expensive of his own wellbeing

but it’s hard to tell if chan is ever upset - he covers it up with funny jokes and body gags

him and felix love to talk and switch between english and korean super fast, mostly to annoy their friends

but they also end up blundering over simple words and hyunjin just lowkey is like

“hmm chan maybe you should pick up korean as a major,,,,,but it might be hard because youre at like a middle school level right now-”

chan, pretending to faint from that burn “when did i raise such a savage little monster,,,,”

his minor in linguistics comes from his ability to pick up languages

he actually finds them fun to learn about, but he doesnt give it the same attention as he does to his music theory major

so he kinda sometimes has to go to a tutor

(he hides this from his friends because he knows he wouldnt able to live it down)

did i mention he’s co-captain of the swim team,,,,,,and he’s like oblivious to it,,,,,,, but there are literally students who just come and watch the practice to see him in swim trunks,,,,,,

jisung once came to hangout after practice and he told chan like “did you hear your friends screaming your name back in the pool?”

and chan was like huh i thought that was just in my head

jisung, looking into the camera like he’s on the office

but no again, not matter how packed chan’s schedule is, he always makes time for people when they need him

and sometimes he’s a little too self-sacrificing,,,,,,,,

also id just like to mention that he shows up to instrumental practice with his bag over his shoulder and his hair all messy and curly after he blow-dried it after swimming

and he looks cute

like mega cute

anyway

you’re a dance major who doesnt know chan all that well

you’re much closer to minho since you share a major and youve only heard of chan in stories from him

the first time you meet face to face is when the musical theory majors are tasked with organizing a song that’ll be performed by the dance majors

you’re being paired off, two dancers to one producer

and by sheer luck you and minho get put in with chan

the first thing you notice about chan is ,,,,,,

his big almost lopsided grin

“you guys know we have to win and make this the best collab this university has ever seen - right?”

minho crosses his hands and rolls his eyes from beside you

“dude it’s not a competition”

“ok, but im making it one. and we’re winning - right?”

chan turns to you, eyes bright and a bit of a dimple coming out when his smile manages to get even bigger on his face

you nod, a little shy at how friendly he’s being right off the bat

he plops down, minho following suit on the floor of the practice room and you take a second till you join them

“i think we need to make something powerful, something show stopping. i was thinking id use some old tracks from 3racha that i made-”

minho scrunches up his nose

“i dont think the professors would like that, i think theyre looking for something classical”

chan puffs out his cheeks like an upset third grader

and you cant resist a tiny giggle

chan catches it, smiling your way before looking back at minho

“well i guess we can do that. but what about something more,,,,classical meets modern,,,,,do you guys think that’d work for you two?”

you shift a little and chan points to you all of a sudden

“c’mon, you can tell me! i wanna make sure you guys are comfortable and can perform your best! so feel free to drag any of my ideas through the mud,,,,,,,or tell minho off for me”

he chuckles, earning a light punch in the arm from minho

but you actually feel a sense of relief

you were a tiny bit worried that you’d be ignored, working with two people who were already super close

but chan was putting in the effort to include you

so, you mentioned that maybe a more high tempo beat with orchestral influence could work

chan nods - whipping out his music notebook to start scribbling down notes

you notices that the pages are covered in a mix of english, korean, and musical notes

it looks like a total mess, but somehow chan gives off a trustworthy feeling

and when you guys are all done discussing, he promises to have a demo by next week

it’s when you’re gathering all your things that chan pops back in and drops a note in the palm of your hand

“my number! so we can talk about the project and stuff”

he says easily, waving one last time to you and minho before disappearing out of the room again

you stand there, the warmth of his hand is on the paper and you don’t want to think too much about it

but your heart definitely skips a small, minuscule beat

when you finally get the message from chan that the demo is done

you and minho meet up with him after classes and chan, with trembling hands, puts the music on

you can tell he’s nervous, he looks like he might pass out from holding his breath

but the moment you hear the audio - you fall absolutely in love

and just from this one instrumental it’s obvious chan is talented

when it’s over, minho says what you’re already thinking

“it’s perfect bro!”

he gets up and highfives chan, who rubs some sweat from his forehead afterwords

“now you guys have to do the actual hard part and come up with a dance”

you shake your head “this song is really great - it’s whats going to make the performance”

chan teeters a bit with his response, for the first time he’s a little caught off guard at the compliment, and you can see the reddening of his ears

“ah,,,i mean it’s ok,,,,but really you and minho are going to have to work hard to-”

he’s interrupted by the sound of the door swinging open

an upperclassmen that calls chan over to answer some questions

you stand there, holding the USB with the mp3 of the song in your hands

your mind racing with ideas for choreography

but when you turn, you see past minho whose saying something to you

and you see only chan in the blur of the rest of the room

he’s glowing, in this halo that you’re sure isn’t actually there

and you force yourself to snap out of it

because this is weird

you shouldnt see him as anything more than your partner in this project

and that’s what you do see him as

you’re sure of it

but,,,,,,as time passes and chan starts hanging around you even more

you start to be a little unsure of where he stands in your mind

most of the time it’s you, him, and minho in the dance practice room

the song on repeat as you and minho show off anything new you’ve come up with

sometimes you end up being twirled around by minho, sometimes he’s throwing you up in the air, sometimes you’re both laying on the floor making dramatic pulls toward each other

you plan solo parts for each other too

and even though chan admits he has not much experience in judging other peoples dancing

he thinks you two look great together

he’s always supportive, and he’s always being funny to lighten the mood

there’s moments were either you or minho start to panic about it all coming together

and chan is there with some corny joke

or the usual “what did i say you guys, we’re going to be number one!”

to cheer you guys up

but when you really start to worry about your feelings

is when one weekend you get a knock on your dorm door

and to your surprise, it’s not someone on your floor asking for an extra charger or an RA trying to find your roommate

it’s chan

he’s got on a training suit, the uni’s name on the back and a duffel bag you’re sure isnt big enough to fit a guitar or anything like that

“chan?”

you ask, shocked

“did you just come from practice or something?”

he laughs, “actually a swim meet - i just thought id stop by and ask if you had time to show me your solo part of the performances.”

you blank for a second

you’d thought this would be another saturday of you laying on your stomach in your mismatched pajamas

watching videos of dancers on youtube, maybe texting a friend to go out and eat

but, even after you agree, and ask chan to wait in the hall while you change

you realize this is going to be the first time you and chan are,,,,,,,,alone

thankfully one of the practice rooms is free when you get to the building

and you suddenly feel really anxious

chan slides down against the mirror and claps

“im excited, i saw minho’s yesterday and thought i should ask you out - i mean ask to see yours too. i was going to invite him, but i think he’s doing something with jisung today”

you hear chan’s voice

but because of your anxiety, the beating of your heart is much louder in your ears

he puts the song on and you try hard to focus

you know what your solo dance is - you know the moves - youve practiced it on your own

but you cant move an inch

“h-hey are you ok?”

chan sees the way your eyes have gone wide, how you’ve frozen and cant seem to snap back out of it

he gets up, stopping the song, and suddenly you feel his hands on your shoulders

you look up into his kind brown eyes

and he gives you that smile, that’s kind of silly but still somehow so genuine

“are you nervous?”

you nod slowly, embarrassed

“s-sorry, i dont know whats going on i just-”

chan gives your shoulder a gentle squeeze

“it’s fine, but minho told me that your solo is amazing. i know you can do it. just imagine that im like,,,,wearing a big clown nose or something and relax. plus,,,”

he grins

“even if you mess up - i promise im too dumb in dancing to tell”

you laugh a little and chan goes back to sit down and get the music up

this time, you focus on yourself in the mirror

and just let the song chan wrote flow through you like water

the room melts away

even chan’s presence becomes muted

and you just dance

and when it’s over, you look to see chan’s reaction

and he just looks,,,,,,,mesmerized

he scrambles to his feet, but doesnt even say anything

his mouth open, agape like a fish out of water

“i,,,,i cant tell if you liked it,,,”

you ask with an unsure tone

and chan just shakes his head, his soft curls falling all over the place

“i loved it - i didnt think it’d be that - that beautiful you know? especially to my mediocre song-”

“your song is the reason it’s beautiful”

you blurt out, but then turn a little red when you realize what youve said

even though it’s true

a dancer has to work with something good in order to create something nice to look at

and chan’s song had resonated with you

chan stops in front of you and for a second neither of you know what to say

until he puts his hand out and goes

“let’s go get lunch. all that dancing made me hungry.”

you lift an eyebrow, “but you didnt dance,,,,”

“but you did, aren’t you hungry?”

you shrug, “i could go for,,,,pancakes maybe,,,”

chan grins, and leans down

his hand takes yours and you gasp a little when he laces his fingers betwen yours as well

“pancakes it is!”

he takes you to a nearby place, and even though it’s way past breakfast and the waitress kind of stares when you two order your pancakes and coffee

neither of you really minds

because for the first time it’s just you and chan talking

and to your surprise, there’s a lot you have in common

and it just feels comfortable

he makes everything so easy and free flowing

like you guys talk about your majors, but you talk about aspirations and traveling

and chan tells you about australia with sparkling eyes and a wildly good imitation of a koala bear

and you laugh so hard you have to hide a snort when chan ends up getting maple syrup all over his chin

but he also tells you not to hide a snort, because a snort is cute

he calls you FREAKING cute

afterwords you two return to campus

but chan runs into park jinyoung, an upperclassman, who apparently works at the college bookstore

and who pinches chan on the ear and says

“instead of dates, you should be studying. but also be sure to be a gentlemen to them.”

you blush so hard, but chan is too in pain and begging jinyoung to let go of his ear to notice

you tell chan that if he has to go, he should

but chan insists that he has time - his linguistics tutor is meeting him at 7 (please dont tell minho that)

and that maybe you guys can like watch a movie before then

you stare a little and ask “w-watch one where?”

“in my dorm!”

chan grins

but a moment later it falls into an embarrassed, worried look

“i-i-i didnt mean it- li- i just - i - we could - i just - i stole felix’s netflix password so i just thought like maybe youd want to watch like stranger things with me or something - i didnt mean i - i”

his flustering is adorable

and you do end up watching stranger things on his laptop

but it’s in the common room and you guys have to share his headphones

and when it’s nearing time for him to go

he walks you back to his dorm and gives you the longest, warmest hug of your life

when he leaves, you walk right into your room and fall face first into your pillow because

was that a date

it was totally a date

but after that,,,,,,,,you and chan don’t get to hangout one on one anymore

not to say he changes how he acts around you or anything

he’s still this sunshine goofball full of positive energy

but he doesnt,,,,,show up at your dorm asking to go out

he doesnt text you outside of the group chat with minho

and you’re just left confused

because you were sure there were signs - there had to be

it’s clear as day, the memory of chan laughing - watching you as you had leaned over the table to help him clean off the maple syrup

or how he’d let you practically lay your head in his lap while you guys watched stranger things

so why did it suddenly feel like that day,,,,,didn’t happen

as the days to the performance in front of the professors get closer

you fortunately have that to distract you

alongside other schoolwork and responsibilities

minho asks you at some point if you want to come and get dinner with him and chan

but you feel like you cant,,,,so you refuse

and it’s like being around them - your nightmare comes true, but not because they exclude you, but you start to push yourself away

the last practice before the performance

you’re running a bit late to meet up with minho and chan

and when you stop infront of the door, you hear the two of them talking

but it’s,,,,,,,,,,tense?

“so you did spend time alone with them, didn’t you?”

“yeah, they showed me their solo part. it was for the project.”

“woojin says he saw you hugging them outside of their dorm,,,,,,dude just tell me straight - it was a date right?”

there’s a pause

and you realize that they’re talking about you and chan

“no it wasn’t a date. you know i wouldnt do that to you.”

it feels for a second like the air has left your lungs

it wasn’t a date?

“i dont think of them like that.”

a second twinge of pain shoots up through you, chan’s voice resounding through the room

had you really misread the signs? was he just being friendly? did you just foolishly think that the first guy to be sweet, would inevitably fall in love with you?

you feel like running away, you really do

but you know that tonight is the last practice - after that it’s just the performance

and then you wont have an excuse to see chan, and he wont need to see you either

so you take in a breathe, plaster a smile on your face, and walk in

the two boys stop talking

there’s no change in expression from minho

he just chooses to look down

but chan does his best to match your smile, but it’s so painfully forced that you cant look at him for too long

“ok, tomorrow is the day so we just have to-”

“i know.”

you cut him off, not necessarily trying to sound angry, but just wishing that this whole thing would be over

the practice goes smoothly

but everything feels like it’s being held in a chokehold

neither you or minho is dancing to your best abilities

and chan excuses himself after the first run through

and when you find yourself in bed that night, you turn on your side and stare at the blank screen on your phone

“i guess im just an idiot huh,,,,,” you mumble

the one time something nice happens, with someone i could really come to like, it always has to get ruined

chan is nowhere to be seen in the morning

minho is adjusting the shirt he’s wearing beside you and you don’t want to admit it to yourself

but you know you’ll be super hurt if chan doesnt show up

“he’s coming, don’t worry”

minho suddenly reassures

his hand hovering over your shoulder before he pulls it back

you hear the professors call you and minho out, commenting that the instrumental had been produced by musical theory bang chan

you step out in front of the panel of teachers and scan the room quickly

looks like he really didnt come

you turn to face minho and notice he looks just as down as you do

but that’s not what matters now

you have to do a good job on the performance at least

the music starts, the music chan made for you and minho, and you let it flow through you like the first time you heard it

regardless of whats happened - the music is perfect

it fits the movements of your body like glove

you and minho look like you were born to dance this dance for this song

and because you’re so focused

you don’t see the door open quietly, chan leaning against the back wall and watching

his eyes following the tips of your fingers, the bend of your waist, the way you twirl past the professors and minho

how you take what he’s created and channel it throughout every muscle and bone in your body

he had meant it

when he said you’d made his music look beautiful

and when it’s over

you face the professors, catching your breath professionally

and then you see

chan

the professors are saying nothing but good things, praising you and minho and the music

but again - the room blurs and it’s just him

once it’s over and the other dance majors are all fawning over you two

you think that maybe you should at least go over and say thank you to chan, one last time for the music

but you cant find the strength to do it right now

instead you try to get your things together quickly and get out of there

but halfway across campus, you hear someone call your name

you turn, shocked to see chan

he’s standing maybe three feet back

and you have the urge to lie, tell him you’re late for something

but you cant say anything because the expression on his face is nothing like usual

no lopsided smile, no goofy face, no sincere and gentle reassurance

it’s pain

“hey - you heard us yesterday didn’t you?”

his voice is low, and you think you can even hear it shake slightly as he asks you

“w-what are you talking about”

you play dumb, clutching the strap of your bag so hard you feel the texture dig into your skin

“you heard what i said to minho, that i didnt think ,,,,, what we had was a date. that i didnt see you romantically,,,,”

you swallow a lump you hadnt known was in your throat

you dont feel like dealing with this now - being humiliated after a performance that took every ounce of your energy

“so what if i did, i get it. it’s fine. you don’t have to pity me or any-”

“i was lying.”

you catch yourself on the last words of your sentence

staring at chan you see that his shoulders are stiff

“i lied, to minho and to myself. it’s just,,,,,i know he likes you. and he’s my friend so i want him to be happy but i,,,,,,but i ,,,,,,”

he takes a moment

and there are students walking past you

the world is moving all around

but it doesnt feel like that, you cant tell the faces apart, you cant overhear their conversations

“but i like you too and i dont,,,,,,,i dont want to hide it anymore.”

you think this should be a happy moment, a moment that overflows you with warmth

but it feels like it cant be that

not when you now know that there are minho’s feelings involved

but past that - you know your feelings

and you know that they’re for chan

so you step forward

and so does chan

until the distance is closed between you two and you look up into those brown eyes

that are always so sweet, so kind and nurturing

“i like you too. i dont want to hurt minho, id never want to see him sad. but i want you. i want to be with you.”

chan’s lips twitch a little, like he’s fighting against a smile or a frown

“i want to kiss you”

he suddenly whispers

“but i think it’ll be bittersweet.”

you agree, eyes shifting from the curve of his mouth and back up into his gaze

you both decide that the first order of business is to tell minho

you think it’l be awkward and hard

but the moment you and chan walk through the dance practice room, minho just sighs

“i already knew it.”

he announces, before even you or chan can get to the apologizing and explanations

he looks at you gently, “i didnt want you to find out this way - but dont worry. chan is the best guy and the only one i think deserves you.”

you dont even get to thank minho

because chan throws himself into the other boys hands

sobbing about how nice that was of him to say and how he’s going to do everything in his power to find minho his soulmate

and minho is just like

“please get your boyfriend off me”

you manage to pull back chan

but you’re also like, ,,, huh,,,,,,boyfriend,,,,,,right i guess he is

but just in case

as you two are leaving the dance studio you ask

“are we like,,,dating”

chan puts a hand under his chin

“well, let’s see. i like you. you like me. minho seems to not be hurt at all about this. i want to kiss you so bad im going dizzy. i think it’s safe to say we are dating.”

you giggle, lifting up to kiss the side of chan’s cheek

“there, it’s a kiss i think we can both agree on for today.”

chan pinkness, but agrees

your first,,,well second? date is the next week

you have to wait for chan to leave class and you’re surprised to see him carrying a guitar case

he explains that he isn’t all that good, but it’s part of his major to learn instruments

and when you guys grab lunch you end up having chan teach you some chords

it’s a simple kind of date, you get to talk a lot and just enjoy each others company

but of course

chan finds some way to make it funny

(like when he tries to play the instrumental to a song you said you liked and you could tell three seconds in he had no idea what he was doing)

as you two continue to go out and grow closer you come to know more about chan

than just his goofy and caring side

there’s the chan who, in one way or another, is the dad friend

you see first hand how he worries about younger friends, how he reminds felix to call his parents after finals, how he shoves all the snacks he has in his bag into jisungs hands when jisung says he hasnt eaten

there’s the chan whose a perfectionist, critiquing his own work and musical abilities to hell and back

there’s the chan who also,,,,,,is super naive and new to this whole romance thing

surprisingly, he’s unaware of how attractive he is

and when he wears a lowcut shirt under his jacket out on a date, he keeps putting his hands over the skin and getting all shy

and you’re just like

“chan,,,,,you know you’re hot right?”

and he almost hits the ceiling like

“WHA,,,,,stop joking around!”

you: “i can’t call my boyfriend hot?”

chan, digging a whole in the ground to hide in: “yo-you’re the only hot person here,,,”

but really, dating him is such a great and positive experience

because he really is your number one fan and supporter

and it’s impossible to really argue with him - because if you want to do something, chan is down for it

even if it’s something he’s new to or owrried about

you can tell he fights through his own worries in order to make you happy

which you actually tell him he doesnt have to do

you sit down with your hands on his and youre like chan i want you to be happy too, relationships are about equality

it makes him so happy he tackles you in a hug ,,,

gosh he’s like an overexcited and loveable puppy

he does this thing where you’ll just be doing something like scrolling through your phone

or looking through a magazine

and he’ll stare at you and go “i love you”

and you’re like,,,,i love you too but why are you just saying it

and he just shrugs

“felt like it”

“when do you not feel like saying it then?”

“never. i always want you to know i love you.”

is the boyfriend who claims you think all his jokes are funny

and you’re like sure :-) *shaking your head no the moment he looks away*

pulls little, cute surprises for you every now and then

like he left a teddy bear outside your dorm with a heart balloon once

or stuck a sticky note in your bag about how you’re the cutest person ever

“love you possum”

“did you,,,did you just call me a possum”

“it’s an aussie thing. plus possums are cute”

guess who got a plushie of a possum for valentines day? you did!

guess who got a plushie of a koala for valentines day? chan did!

to be honest get ready to be called every cute pet name that’s available in english, korean, and any other language chan can remember

you become known on campus by a bunch of upperclassmen when you start dating chan

like this kid named yugyeom walks up to you and is like “did chan take you somewhere fun yet!”

or you met jinyoung again and he told you to make sure chan is studying for his minor

you and chan were just sitting on the quad once, with your legs over his and his hand stroking your hair

and it was super cute and adorable

and then woojin plopped down next to you and was like

“we found old 3racha videos we want you to see”

and you’re like “3racha?”

and woojin is just like OH YOU HAVENT HEARD

chan tried to chase him off, but jisung - who isnt embarrassed of 3racha era at all - whipped out his phone and was like “let me show you”

jokingly rapping chan’s iconic lines at him and him scrunching up his cute nose

remember when chan got those little cuts in his eyebrow ,,,, you didnt say it but you were like ,,,, ok wow,,,,,how did he get even more handsome

kissing chan? an experience

he shyly admits that his knowledge is kind of limited - and at first it’s a little sloppy

but he knows what to do with his hands, you dont know how, but he pulls you close or holds the back of your neck

and you melt

but the moment you get flirty, it literally K.O’s chan

if you as much as wink at him or slip your shirt off your shoulder he turns to color of a tomato it’s hilarious

he also really likes when you sit in his lap

he always pulls you in when he has you listen to something he’s composed

or when he’s got his computer open and he’s like come watch this

and you’re like scoot over

but he’s like no, you just can sit on my lap, it’s yours, forever

swim team chan! coming out of the changing rooms with his hair still wet and shaking it so some of the water gets on you

you get to wear his team jacket :-)

chan lowkey takes all romantic holidays and stuff super seriously, like he goes all out for anything that involves couples

and even if you’re a little embarrassed by it, he’s like no we gotta do it

matching from head to toe? probably corny - but chan is living for it

you and chan mutually agreeing to dote on jeongin like he’s a baby is just a given

because you’re both busy in college, lots of dates are like getting coffee and holding hands and being cute around campus

jisung and bangchan making gagging noises in the background

but chan always muses about taking you somewhere abroad

traveling with you and just being alone

you tell him that neither of you has the money right now but maybe in the future

you bet chan is like “oh yeah, im talking about it like our honeymoon”

“h-honeymoon?!?!”

chan, covering his outh and turning red: “i ,,, uh,,,, what,,, huh,,,”

but honestly does he daydream about marrying you? im just going to let you decide that

(it’s a hard yes. of course he does. he’s a romantic fool)

OH how could i forget

the corny texts

sure there are chan’s bad dad jokes, his selfies where he’s doing dumb faces, and the usual complaining about bangchan being mean to him

but there are also the

‘forget to tell you this, but you’re always on my mind’

‘im such a mess, im thankful you still love me’

‘when the world overwhelms you, ill be there to listen to your fears’

and the one that made you nearly break your phone in half because ,,,, cuteness and corn overload

‘im yours, so you better take responsibility for that’

chan is the kind of guy who’d let you draw on his face with a sharpie or lipstick and he’d wear it outside proud because this is my s/o’s art!

if you asked him to run across town to get you cheesecake at 2 am? consider it done

he just loves you with his big heart and,,,,it’s amazing

but you love him with as much passion - and that’s what makes him truly feel like you’re the one

because you match him perfectly

slow dancing in his dorm to the sound of a self composed instrumental he made just for your anniversary

and then kissing softly with his hans on your hips and your hands on his face

and him leaning back to tell you

you’re the best thing that has ever happened to him

yeah that’s just one night dating chan, can you imagine dating him forever??????

#stray kids imagines #stray kids scenarios #stray kids au #bang chan au #bang chan imagines #bang chan scenarios #sk scenarios #sk imagines #sk au #sfw #chan imagines #chan scenarios #stray kids #bang chan #writing commissions

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cinnaminsvga · 4 years

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hey zee, scholarship anon here. thank you so much for allowing me to ask you questions, it really means a lot bc ive never been so confused before. ive done some research and my hope has been dwindling bc of how truly expensive everything is and how there's so much cost even before going to college but that's beside the point. after doing the research i saw that most scholarship offered by uni usually requires you to apply first? do i have to be admitted first to get the scholarship?

[cont.] i dont,, exactly have a college in mind and dont know which one has the best financial aid. my original plan was finding one that suits my needs for funding but if i have to apply first, surely that complicates it right? and since you're studying in canada, wherein canada do you think is good and affordable for international students? i heard that vancouver and toronto are pretty expensive. also for the sponsor thing, how exactly do you find them? on,, the internet??

[cont.] one thing that's baffling me from all of this process is probably the paperwork and stuff and ive only done research. im still really confused about everything. honestly how did you do it? you're amazing zee! once again thank you for helping me like this, i have no idea where to get help from lmao. thank you so much, truly!!

omg scholarship anon im so sorry,,, this literally got buried under 3 months worth of asks so im only getting around to answering this ;w; hope i can still be helpful even though im so late,,,

okay so you’re correct in saying that scholarships offered by universities are only valid once you actually get in. so for example, when i applied to nyu back in the day, they offered me 10k financial aid per year. my other friend got a lower one of around 8k. these are usually called entrance awards, and they give it according to how “good” your application is (ie your grades, essays, supplementary info, etc) but all in all, i didnt take the scholarship bc it barely covered nyu tuition fees. my current uni offered a small entrance award, but given than my uni is waaaay cheaper than nyu, this was okay for me.

its okay not to have a uni in mind per se, because you really cant know how much each uni is willing to give. there are statistics online and forums that can tell you which universities are more willing to give aid, but it all depends on how great your application is anyway. in my experience, canadian universities are more difficult when it comes to getting awards if youre international, but theyre significantly cheaper than american universities. im studying in vancouver, and my tuition sans all my scholarships is basically the same amount as an domestic american student would have to pay in their home state. thats actually fucking insane!!!!! tldr american universities suck lmao

sponsors are a difficult thing... i dont personally know how to “find” one bc ive never ventured into that territory, but the only way ive seen people do it is either by having connections or by applying at agencies that offer sponsorship (you can probs find them online,, or even on the paper?? ive seen ads for them on my local newspaper before lol)

all in all, the best way to find as much financial aid as possible... is to apply everywhere. and i mean EVERYWHERE. i applied to a total of 8 universities, which isnt a lot compared to other people i know. i have a friend who applied to 15 when we were seniors in high school, and now shes studying at notre dame on a semi-full ride because she just tried everywhere. i know its a lot of paperwork, so pls speak to your counsellor about that stuff!! my counsellor helped me a lot during my senior year, and its more likely that they know things that you dont, so make sure to ask them for help!! or communicate with advisors from the universities themselves!! visit their welcoming centers and take tours,, always ask questions. good luck homie!! you got this

#zee gives advice #PHEW i havent thot about entrance awards in a while... LMAO #Anonymous #answered

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elliotkwcn-blog · 6 years

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hello hello ! whats up i’m jia i’m 18 and i cant fuckign read !! anyways i’m so hyped to be here n play elliot, the dumbest of the dumb and the most aggressive of the aggressive! she moved a year ago so please support ur local girl group runaway waitress and make sure she doesnt fall down a rabbit hole or something. under the cut i have a far too long tldr of her :^) also feel free to like this post for me to discord (or im) you or message me ! off we go

► 「 JENNIE KIM, 21, CIS FEM, MUSE 5B」hey, have you seen elliot kwon around the streets of mansford lately ? she has been living here for the past year, and during that time people have really gotten to know them as realistic and honest. rumour has it that they tend to be a bit blunt and standoffish, though. i heard they are an art student at university and part time waitress. maybe you can find them around the diner in town !

ok lets get right into it! elliot was born in seoul, south korea as iseul kim and stayed there for pretty much the predominant part of her childhood

grew up with a silver spoon in her mouth , with her mother being a well known model and her father being an actor notorious for his maybe dodgy ?! personality

pretty isolated as a kid though .. even if she was always in the newspapers as the prized princess of her parents, she was home schooled by teachers who also taught her english and didnt have that many friends nor did she gain attention from her parents

yes, yes, you guessed right ! begin the lonely persona where she started finding it super hard to talk to anybody without getting annoyed and became more prickly as a person, finding more faults in everything and constantly expressing her dislike for her parents

as well as that, seeing as there was nobody to discipline her properly, came her mindset that she’s pretty much right 95% of the time and the other 5%, you just caught her on a bad day

the only thing she did find enjoyment in, however, was painting and arts that would always take away her attention for hours at a time

her parents divorced right after she finished home school high school (18) and that was when she decided holy shit.... she really cant keep doing this bro

immediately booked a flight to london without her parents knowing and left with a (very) hefty amount in her bank account and a hand written letter in korean that may or may not have been the most polite ‘fuck you’ of the century

stayed there till she was twenty but then was found again by the newspapers and she lost her shit because the two years of freedom had pretty much been the best time of her life

searched for a lesser known, less populated place where people would be less likely to know who she is when shes out at 3am looking for ice cream

runaway location number two: mansford here she comes

changed her name to elliot kwon (after her favourite writer george eliot) to avoid scrutiny

so yeah! she’s been living here for around a year and realised that she really, honestly just wanted to pursue arts at university so she’s doing that as well as holding a job as a waitress because even if she still has money, she wants to feel more like a normal person

personality wise: sharp tongued, opinionated, blunt, can come across as rude more often than not and just seems perpetually tired or annoyed. on the positive side, she does love talking to people because she never really had the chance to when she was younger, but it’s understandable why people dont approach her (rt: please approach elliot kwon!!)

an enigma. rarely talks about herself and prefers to listen to other people speak so she can drop in a snarky comment

gold by spandau ballet is her SHIT

possible plots?!??! (all genders)

people who know who she really is and bring it up to her (spoiler alert she’ll get super fuckin annoyed)

people who go mansford uni as well! doesnt have to take art but people who see her on campus a lot

one sided crush? (bisexuality for the win but keep it undercover its texas) maybe she has a crush on them or they have a crush on her and it doesnt have to be too strong but like a hey. theyre great

regulars at the diner!! she’ll try her hardest to smile and get that Tip

fwbs, one night stands

unlikely friendships, close friends that have somehow formed while she’s been here

enemies? she could have ticked you off or you could have ticked her off

angst angsty or dramatic!! i will die for that

#mansford:intro #* ooc ≪ jia #sorry my Last brain cell fizzled out there !

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irregulardiaryposts · 3 years

Text

00:53 21/06/2021

Hello again <3

so i think im gonna write about my mental health today because i dont feel like i have anyone who understands fully apart from myself maybe so i need to Organise my Thoughts. as a kid i had a pretty normal childhood, a mum a dad and a brother - pretty nuclear right. but as a child i felt like my family maybe wasnt quite right, that this wasnt supposed to be what family is? perhaps. - i was scared of my mum a lot because she wasnt very understanding of me - and i was a great kid, never getting into trouble, very good at school, no issues whatsover. the thing that really shows how i thought of my relationship with my mum was when i was like maybe 8 or so having a parents night and at it my teacher had nothing bad to say apart from i was kinda bossy in group settings (im sure i dont need to explain how misogynistic that actually is- i was not bossy i was a natural leader) and when i got home my mum told me off for that and i felt like she was kinda cold to me and not taking all the good things about me into consideration when telling me off for that.

i feel like thats a really defining moment in my life when i realised i cant expect adults to Understand me, realised how people treat young girls, also started my defiant behaviour maybe or was kinda one of the key moments that made me dislike certain authorities in my life, that if people wont understand me regardless of how i explain myself then i wont bother trying to be understood by people who wont matter to me. anyway yes i was scared of my mum-like petrified sometimes- but my dad wasnt great either, he also had his shortcomings. i feel like he never really cared about me like he was kinda apathetic towards raising me like a parent - i feel he would be better suited as an uncle to someone rather than a dad - the funny childish guy that makes kids laugh -not the uncaring dad that cant be bothered to really learn about his kids. and i feel im sitting here complaining about my parents when the fact is that a lot of adults should never be parents, society has conditioned people into thinking the only way to be fulfilled in life is to live vicariously through your kids when life gets to such a boring and monotonous place where you feel the need to create a new life to spice things up lmao. i feel a lot of parents regret having kids but they cannot express that regret because it was their choice and they should deal with that, also saying you regret it would be pretty horrible to the kid.

so while yes i am complaing about my parents i dont think they were Bad in any way just not that great yaknow. also i just notice all these things growing up and i feel its been pretty impactful to understanding myself and my parents. also just some anecdotes from my childhood - i used to watch my dad play video games like the uncharted games i think theyre called, and whenever i got scared i used to hide behind the couch until the scary part was over (usually a lot of guns and high energy fight scenes thats too much adrenaline for a 7 yo) and sometimes when i would take out my dad/brothers game i would get them to fo the hard parts and do other stuff myself - i dont remember many games i played apart from one of the spidermen games where u could just web around the city and not progress apart from sometimes you would come across some strippers and i accidently got into a fight with them (also hot women with umbrellas they use to fight- maybe i went near them on purpose) i would yell to my dad and get him to do it for me. also on new years eve whenever my mum was working and we werent going to any family parties we would make a bunch of food and put it out in the kitchen - wed make like homemade onion rings, chips, have crisps and dips, and a bunch of junk basically and watch like austin powers or some shit and genuinely miss those times they were so simple. but a lot of thats tainted now from what happened. also my brothers always been annoying as shit but when we were kids we couldnt be in the same room without arguing which like whatever thats how kids are esp brothers and sisters for some reason.

i think thats majority of the background needed for the rest. wait this is a little addition but i meant to mention this here so ill put it in- basically sometimes on holidays i would geniunely think my parents hate each other/ were getting a divorce like once when we were in florida in 2012 my dad convinced my mum (as well as me and my brother convinced her since we liked them) we convinced her to go on a water slide thing that u had to walk up the stairs for, it was outdoors, and it was kinda tall and then we got in one of the big donut things and it swooshed from side to side a lot and was generally pretty scary i suppose for someone who doesnt like rides esp since you had to hold on to the handles there were no buckles or anything, and so when we got off the ride my mum was big mad at my dad and like wouldnt talk to him and stuff like that which was pretty uncomfortable to have to be the 8 year old mediator of that but there was also another occasion i think (maybe also at florida) where they were made at each other and i asked my mum if they were getting divorced and all she said was 'ask ur dad' like???? no sort of consolation to this child who thinks their parents hate each other nooo just petty 'ask him' and theres also been other times when they fight/ are mad and they dont feel the need to hide it from us so i felt quite anxious around my parents sometimes.

so ahnyway . yes. when i had just turned 13 my parents split up and it fucked me up in a multitude of ways. also i cant beleive i stopped being a proper kid at 13, like as soon as i turned a teenager life hit me like a fucking truck. so the context as to why they split is still kinda lost to me ngl but they didnt tell me much anyway since i was young but my mum basically said my dad didnt love her anymore and he wanted to separate. its kinda funny because leading up to this my dad had been sleeping in the living room for like a few weeks and there was on and off fighting i could hear and i basically thought they were fighting over me and that i was in trouble and it kinda used to keep me up coz i could hear loud voices when they thought i was asleep- which is probably the cause of why i get veryyyy mad and angry when i hear my mum at like 1 am downstairs when shes drinking and im trying to sleep, probably something ive internalised (is that the word?) and made me respond so strongly to those type of noises.

anywayyyyy yes i thought i was in trouble when they were actually just getting a divorce so ... yeah you can really tell i was young and didnt understand adult issues or really couldnt figure this out myself from all the arguing and him sleeping downstairs lmao. anyway my dad moved out and it was just me my mum and my brother now and at this point my brother wouldve been about to turn 18, so although still kinda shit, not really as affected my it as a 13 yo, just to keep in mind. so i was devastated obviously and my whole world was kinda shattered but i had to hold it together a bit, also i was sometimes my mothers own therapist having to say things like 'everything happens for a reason' 'itll get better' in response to her deteriorating mental health and her questions that would be really hard for me to answer like 'why did he leave' etc (bish im a child be there for me not wallow in ur own pity, u have ur whole life to sort this out youre an adult, im a 13 you and only months away from wanting to kms hun think of ur CHILD please) anyway this left me feeling like a burden if i were to share my mental state because when my mum shared her stuff she was burdening me (AGAIN i was 13 she is an adult) so that made me bottle a lot of things up also the fact that i had no one to share it with because she works as a nurse and now shes a single mother and so she works almost all hours of most days and i dont see her much, my brother was either working at this time or just didnt give enough of a shit about me to make sure i ate.

i went from being catered to for every meal because i didnt know how to cook to suddenly no one being there for me so i had to learn how to do it myself. needless to say that lead to a bunch of unhealthy eating habbits like eating the same things every day - frozen pizza, cheese toasties, i cant think of anything else probs because i didnt make anything else just ate chocolates or didnt eat breakfast coz i woke up at 2pm. just general unhealthyness both in substance and like how healthy that was for my head yk. also this is during the summer btw so it gave me the option to be incredibly depressed - im not saying that as an edgy teen thing to say im being 100% genuine i was very depressed like textbook style - not eating or overeating, not showering/ taking care of myself, extreme lack of energy and hated doing social things coz i had to put on a farce that i was okay meanwhile i couldnt wait to get into my bed and sleep the next day and a half away.

i very vividly remember at the start of the summer holiday my friend asked me if i wanted to go out and do something and i rememeber just crying at that because i had no reason to say no but i just didnt want to and felt like i couldnt do anything and so i lied and said i wasnt feeling well and then put my phone down and curled up in my bed and cried coz i was frustrated and upset and i couldnt really understand what was wrong with me and why i was Like This.

god i didnt take into account how tired i was and how late it is when i started this huh, this isnt even half of it, but i have obligations in the mornign, the last until uni or whatever so ill put this in my drafts and finsih it somethime. alrigtht it is 02:08 btw z_z. also ive just now decided im gonna re organise my tumblr so if this ends up being an actual blog thing i can navigate it easier by adding tags and such. anywau goodnight.

20:21 30/06/2021

MOTHERFOIUHIFIUDVMKCVKM V

MY LAPTOP SHUT DOWE IN THE MIDDLE OF THSAT SO ITS ALL GONE BASICALLY I WAS DEPRESSED BURTNOUT GIFTERD KID AND IT SUCKED YADDa YADDSZ ANYTWAY

23:01- well. yes earlier i wrote a little about the ages 13-16 and how they sucked but whatever it got deleted the more pertinent stuff happened in the last year or so anyway.

um yeah so i started the last year of highschool as a 16 year old with a fucked up brain and never having learned any study techniques or work ethic in the slightest. i took 3 uni-level courses only one i actually wanted to do, most people take 2 at most or even 1/0 but do other classes. honestly it fucking sucked this year for school but i scraped all passes so thank god for that. so i started the year quite optimistic, or as much as i could be and in all fairness the content of this year wasnt actually that bad considering i was doing 3 hard classes but corona really truly fucked everything up and by November i had mentally dropped out of my classes but of course i still had to go to them. i feel like im an oddly independent teen because ive never had a solid parental presence in a while, like i had to do a lot for myself and maybe i should thank myself for getting me through it all because i really did pull through.

my thoughts keep drifting from what im writing coz i wanna talk about different things and im just thinking maybe i shouldve just posted the last one then added a reblog when i could be bothered to write and not force myself because if theres ever a reoccurring theme in my life is that if i force myself to do anything i will hate it with my entire being, so maybe i should just do a short synopsis and write about something else afterwards.

so i took 3 hard classes, slowly lost all motivation because in jan it switches to online classes and i could Not deal with those it was horrible, and i became more of a "troublesome student" in one of my classes *cough* maths *cough* and almost got "kicked out" of taking the class just because the teacher was a control freak but like wanted to control all of our actions and behaviour, also i think i may have adhd and another kid in my class i think he does too and surprise surprise the teacher "dislikes" him too but its only a farce because he doesnt actually dislike him its only so that i cant call him out for singling me out when other students behave "badly" too. but anyways maybe ill come back to this in a while when i can be arsed explaining my complicated relationship with my parents.

the only reason i wanted to write this today was so that i could tag the post with like june 2021 or something and not june/july, but i might make another post later, Anyway happy end of pride month i supose, hope u figure it out me!

#why does tumblr break up the paragraphs like this #there isnt supposed to be paragraphs #maybe i should change that #anyway off to fix all my post so far and tag the all like ->#june 2021 entry #2021 the year of fun

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identitycris1s · 3 years

Text

im back

hi just thought id pop in with a status update! maybe i’ll break this down into categories. feel like im doing an email update (ew!) but this rly is probs the best way to structure this post...

work / school (?)

work has been....aite. idk what to say. idk if i have unrealistic expectations of what work is supposed to be, but the idealist in me thinks its wrong to not even try and find something that seems meaningful / is deeply fulfilling. i think im mature enough to get that work isnt supposed to be fun / exciting every single day but bro this daily grind / sense of dread / utter disinterest / feeling of futility / frustration / disenchantment surely isnt the correct state of affairs.....at least let me try and find something that is a better fit, thats more stimulating, that feels more NATURAL to me? i just dont think im cut out to be a lawyer. sure i sometimes like arguing and making my point and i like that everyone i work with is smart and interesting and generally kind and reasonable and i like the prestige of the job and feeling like ppl respect me and i like the decent pay and the humane hours but.....i feel unmotivated to be a good lawyer. i think i find it difficult / disingenuous to always 100% get behind my client and advocate for their best interests. i tend to see things from a zoomed out perspective, like WHY are we fighting, WHY cant we just settle, WHY are the claimants pursuing this absolutely crap and unmeritorious claim and WHY do we have to defend it when its stupid and bound to fail (cos access2justice i guess but still, WHY), WHY cant we just hash things out in a meeting instead of sending emails here and there and wasting time, WHY do we have to answer stupid questions, WHY WHY WHY

and i think public policy is sort of an answer to that....i think theres more questioning of why we do things and why a policy will or will not work, in a macro sense - what is good for society at large. whereas in law (at least in litigation) its how can we just move this case forward and help the client, which is often not the most productive thing to do in a macro sense - very much a zero sum game. i get that shitty / unmeritorious claims still need to be defended against and someone has to do it and I GET IT but i just dont think i want to be that person defending these claims...or bringing them for that matter.....ultimately i cant fully / sincerely separate the overarching sense of futility from the duty to do a good job.

sigh. well at least ive kind of figured out this isnt for me. which is scary cos being a lawyer in this firm is pretty much a career for life - truly an iron rice bowl, i could probably make partner in maybe 4 or 5 years and live a comfortable upper middle class life...but i cant bring myself to do that. i cant bring myself to not give myself a shot at doing something i actually find interesting, stimulating and that i care about deeply. call me crazy! we’ll see where this brings me in 5 years’ time....:)

anyway most ppl at work (at least in my team) know that im most likely gonna leave soon. i rly only told 2 ppl (my boss cos he had to sign off on my testimonial and G cos she was quitting anyway)...but somehow ppl found out one way or another. i dont rly mind and ppl have been taking it pretty well and have been kind and encouraging (i guess why would they not take it well, im hardly indispensable) but i get a bit antsy thinking - what if i dont get in...then what? do i just put my head down and continue here (BUT IM SO SAD) or do i just quit without any prospects and try to find a policy-ish job??

idk. will have faith that God will put me where I need to be. he is in control of it all and I BELIEVE THIS !!! I am just a bit scared that his plan is different from what i think i want....but this is just my human instinct and i know in my head that there is no reason to be scared cos his plan is always the better one. head knowledge just needs to translate to heart understanding and real trust / faith.

ermmm relationships...???

i started using...cmb...idk why i find this so cringey. i guess about a year ago i couldnt imagine doing this and i kept thinking EW what if ppl i know see me and they think im a desperate saddo who cant find a bf irl and has to resort to an app EW shes so lame and ugly and gross. and i realised that is so stupid no one actually thinks that way and its very backward and dumb and insecure of me to be thinking that. and anyway as i get older i rly dont quite give a shit what ppl think of me (at least i tell myself that....)

i suppose i was also inspired by csm who has been quite actively using apps and meeting ppl and taking real..strides..(LOL) in her dating life. i used to tell myself hey God will provide u with a mans if he wants u to be with a mans. but also God can use an app to do that...and if i dont step out in faith that he will do something and i dont take any action at all, how is God gonna work?? should i sit at home and expect a man to fall into my lap??

for some ppl it has been way easier, e.g. my parents meeting in uni and falling i love. i always wanted that - the organic relationship, the meet-cute, the friends to lovers thing. (i guess i tried that last one before and it didnt work...) but i think theres no point in romanticising relationships anymore. thats a very modern thing to do and its not necessarily a good thing? like who’s to say a relationship that had organic beginnings is intrinsically better than one that started from an app?

anyway i havent had much luck haha i think its hard to find genuine GCBs (or maybe theyre just not attracted to me....) although recently ive been talking to this one guy B for a week or two and its been...ok i guess. hes rly nice and seemed cool at first - we talked about travelling and hamilton and the office, which was a good start. he is thoughtful and kind and doesnt seem to be put off by my very slow replies (he replies so fast......its stressful a bit) and he does the whole good morning text thing (which i frankly find a bit bizarre, we barely know each other..?? and ive never even met him irl.. but its sweet i guess :))

but DUDE his english seems to be not great - at least thats the impression i get from texting him. which is an issue for me. i dont want it to be BUT IT IS...first red flag was when he said some weird thing about not wanting to wear a mask at work (not a literal mask - like he didnt know if he could be his ‘true self’) and the wording was very strange. then he said “the weekends are almost here” ?? the weekend is not a plural though? then he used the wrong tense a few times and his apostrophe usage was wrong (”Gods’ love” - bro there is one God). he also uses way too many commas which irks me.

i mean i get that text is supposed to be an informal medium - come on look at this post, there r hardly any capital letters and plenty of short forms and hardly any apostrophes but u see its CONSISTENT and its obviously cos of laziness / convenience - but i think his problem is a bit different...u can sort of tell if someone doesnt have a 100% strong grasp of english. those r basic grammar mistakes man...i get that i sound petty and stupid and this isnt a huge deal but i feel like im settling by even talking to him cos this is not something i wld normally tolerate but hey maybe im getting desperate with age :(:(:( urgh

on the other hand maybe i just need to be more generous with ppl and l have an irrationally high standard for english cos i am a lawyer and my friends all speak well / text well?? maybe im just being too nitpicky?? honestly hes very nice and communicative and straightforward and seems mature and very God-fearing and idk why hes still talking to me cos ive been a bit cold and slow to respond. hes very patient which i dont rly deserve.....i myself have a million flaws that are probably way worse and egregious (ahem PRIDE...ahem ego....ie the source of this dilemma in the first place...) so maybe i should just close one eye abt the bad grammar.

i also realised how fked up i am - confirmed my suspicion that i am naturally attracted to emotionally unavailable ppl / ppl that just seem distant / out of reach (thats my avoidant attachment style right there). i think there was one day he didnt text me at all and omg...i couldnt stop thinking what i did wrong...like did i piss him off by being too cold for too long...did he get scared off cos i said i wanted to do a masters (idk this seemed like an irrational leap but i was being irrational)..then i started being nicer to him and replied more promptly hahaha turns out he was just rly bz at work that day. omg this pattern is real i think i did this with xj also - was eager to speak when he was in japan but after meeting irll i was just over it... (i am drawn to distance like a moth to a flame and i am repelled by availability like....a fire by a fire extinguisher (??)). yucks i rly hate myself sometimes but yknow what at least im self aware and im trying to fix this...kind of.. gonna hash this avoidant thing out with my therapist at the next sesh.

on the topic of xj i got a bit nostalgic and wondered why we stopped speaking (surprise surprise it was my fault, didnt reply then felt it had been left to long to pick it up again...) went back to look at our texts and aw we rly got along so well, i do miss him as a friend and im sorry about how poorly i treated him especially in dec 2018 / jan 2019 sigh.....i was a real bitch....

anyway im just gonna see how things go with B... if he asks me out i prob will go... just to give it a shot. update if / when that happens!

EDIT - he asked me out lol we shall see how it goes.

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paleconda · 5 years

Text

blog- 8th february.

so i told myself that i would start a daily (or weekly) journal of some sort for the new year and that i would start on the 1st of january... better late than never, i suppose. i don’t know that any of you will be interested to see how things are going for me and what my life is like, but, in the grande scheme of things... who cares.

i’ll start with a bit of a background of myself. i’m currently 20 years oid, turning 21 in may. i attend university in somewhere in florida (i won’t say where, and you’ll see why soon). i am currently finishing my second year and i study graphic design. my family is puerto rican and i was raised in a protestant christian home. however, i recently found out that i have jewish heritage, and so i’ve been embracing that more. i am also bisexual, so home life has not been easy for me personally since around the age of 12. my parents sort of know, sort of don’t. it’s an extremely sore and complicated subject that we just avoid discussing. so, needless to say, they’re homophobic. my time in high school was... well, frankly, idk how to put it. my grades were rubbish (especially in the first two years) and i didn’t have much of a social life. part of this was because i lacked social skills, but this was also because my parents were overbearing and overprotective (to the point where i had no phone from december 2013 to may 2015, and then again from november 2015 to april 2016). i even ended up feeling forced to attend a university that i never even wanted to apply to (it’s a conservative christian university, so why would anyone that’s lgbtq want to attend?). i will say, however, that despite the fact that i commuted to uni for my first year (it was 45 miles away and i travelled there twice a week, you do the maths) and only worked simply to fill my petrol tank, along with not getting involved in any clubs, and the fact that i was scared in general to be someone that was lgbtq in that university, i enjoyed my time there. i almost don’t have any regrets going there, although i won’t go there again. i attended that uni for the 2016-2017 academic term. in the spring of 2017, i decided that rather than just transferring to a local state-run uni, i wanted to go study abroad. specifically, i wanted to study in the UK. so, began researching how universities work and how to apply via UCAS, etc. so after waiting several months and getting a few rejections, i finally receive an unconditional off of a place at the uni of chester. so i try and save up as much money as i can, but there are several things that happen. first, i hated my job at chick fila and i wasn’t getting too many hours (which was okay with me, bc i hated being there anyway). but then i crashed and totalled my vehicle, and the insurance wouldn’t pay for the damage. so i lost my car, and then hurricane irma happened, which wiped away all the funds to get airfare and a visa. and to be honest, my family’s financial situation was always extremely tight. and those were just factors that directly contributed to me not being able to go to the UK. i was also absolutely devastated when my best friend died from complications from heart surgery. and so i ended up having to take a gap term. and i was so completely upset that i couldn’t go to the UK, because i had researched so much about the culture, accent, night scene, music, every aspect about it. so much so, that when i transferred to another university here in florida in january of 2018, i figured that since i couldn’t go to the UK, i’d bring the UK to me. so for over a year now, i have told everyone i’ve met at uni that i’m from the UK. i have an elaborate and well thought out story about why i grew up in the UK, kept my british accent, etc. an absolute madness, i know. but it brings me comfort in a way. i truly in my heart believe that i should have been born in the UK and i don’t think i should be judged for that. my internet friends in the UK have said i’m doing a well job of pulling it off and that my accent sounds perfect. i even have a professor who is actually from the UK and he believes me and hasn’t a clue that i’m “faking” it. i put the quotes around faking bc after speaking in it for over a year, it’s almost my natural accent at this point. there is so much more about my life that i want to explain and rant and vent about, but i think this a good stopping point. i hope this is all of interest to you.

end.

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perfectionistincrisis · 7 years

Text

Day 70

Seventy.

Life is going on. With ups and downs. Good days and bad days. Well life is mostly grey for me.

As every day passes, i just realize more and more how much i love him. I really dont want to bluff about it but I just couldnt stop from typing it out because the realization blows my mind away. And one big reason is because I would never do what i did, or can do for him, and no one will ever mean anything even remotely close to how much he meant to me and will always mean to me.

This might all just sound like a cheesy note any person in love would say but Oh God! trust me, this is what comes to my head after quite a good number of not-so-nice crap i have in my big fat head. So yeah! thats how i just know. This is not ever going away. And if I ever got a chance to re-live, i wouldn’t have wanted to fall in love with anyone else, orrrrrrrrrrr id just wish I was alone. That’s pretty cool tooo!! lol

Speaking of which. Yeah. I pretty much do enjoy my own company. I just dont like communicating much with people. for a lot of reasons actually. Well, to begin with. I believe im a really complicated person. LIke, everyone has their own story and theres something twisty about everyone and bla bla but then I really do thing Im just not that easy to understand, and to top all that, I dont even like opening up to people so thats more of a reason to not get me. I am kind of aware of the fact that i seem to have a lot of ego and seem to be filled with pride and arrogance. But thats not true, thats just how some people see me, and i cant blame them because i think that is something i mask myself with. However, many people do find me really sweet and all but whatever side anyone sees, its always clear, im not really interested in getting too close with anyone and that i appreciate my own space. Sometimes, i do wonder if i really do enjoy being on my own or i actually want some good friends. But then the thing is, i have really really good friends back from high school. the only thing is, theyre not in the same country, theyre far away. but then again, even when we were all on ksa, we still mostly communicated on social media and stuff so it shouldnt matter much i guess. what im trying to say is. despite all the misunderstanding people might have with me, or people actually finding me sweet or whatever. or me not liking them much or wanting them to be my friends or whatever. the thing is, its not that i dont have anyone at all. because i do have people who know me. they dont know every little detail about me though, and thats because i dont talk much to them either. but they know me as a person. like i dont need to kiss their ass to get their attention, i can be myself with them.. i can be mean, and rude, or not keep in touch or act like im full of ego, like im so full of my shit and theyd still accept me. because they know that thats just how i am. im not sugarcoated.

But.. it still doesnt matter

What im saying is. I prefer sitting alone on my own. doing literally nothing. no phone. no laptop. no means of communication with the outside world OVER actually chatting with anyone. or even someone who knows me so well and is close to me.

Ok man, i talk a lot! So yeah that’s the thing! but when we were together, i wouldve done anything to not miss a chance to talk to him lol - thats just an easy way to put it out there, that he was different.

And also putting it out there how my life is right now. I prefer my own company. I dooooo badly wish i had a ‘partner’ though - an ‘eating partner’!!!!!! haha! I really wish i could go to restaurants with someone to try food randomly. But then. idk. i mean its not that easy to find someone who has the same love for food and aso someone whos willing to spend money to try food or someone whod be able to hang out with me. especially i dont even have any good friends in ksa right now Ugh

Another really important reason i dont like talking to people much is the commitment. I hate commitment!!!!!!! And when i say commitment i dont even mean something serious like being in some relationship. i mean.. even the smallest commitment. like when you even knock someone and the person expects you to reply fast. Like okay give me a break! We dint exchange vows or something, yth do i need to reply fast. or whyd you even expect me to reply fast like idk. do people just pause their lives and just talk to other people? bleh Im not even ready for that so yeah!

buttttttttt then again - with him. it was SO different. but like i said. it was only him!!!!

Something cool was the fact that i had a dream of him the other day. we never met each other f2f after our last conversation, so him in my dream was the first time we met f2f which wasnt actual anyways!!! But!!! I was so full of attitude. Like I could totally see my facial expressions and go like. “Oh God Youuu” to myself! Im usually full of attitude in front of other guys, if i ever am, which is kinda rare. just saying!

So i read his post about him going to bd and stuff, and i wont even lie about how i totally never like that. but then this time its different obviously. In many ways though. One way to look at it is how i just remembered about the time when he was in bd last year! ~~~ And the award for the roughest of all times goes to!!!!

Now comes the part were I actually give the reason why I dont blog much! Well tbh i want to blog all the time. But then!!!! Who am i kidding???? Its obviously cause I want him to read my post and blabla so yeah I dont! I mean. I really want to, but i dont. The same way. Forget blogging man. I mean. In this generation, with all these advancements and i say, no barrier at all. If we could decide like two mature adults to stop talking for nothing but good intentions then i sure as hell can keep myself from blogging about every little thing, and keep my shit together, and only blog when my mind and my heart says that i got it in my hands and im not going to screw up!

and so that would mean that anything i post about, is just a very little, incomplete detail of the entire story and i almost always will sugarcoat it a million times and put it up here!

but like i said - every thing just ends with me realizing how in love i am with him and as long as that is how it ends, i like it.

So “losing weight” is like the --aim of my life-- right now. Just that its so boring oh maa gawd - and so i end up watching suits. which is soooooo niiiceeeeee omgg. And i actually love the couple there. Mike & Rachel! - oh and also its kinda funny to me idk why but whenever i see any couple onscreen that i like, my inner me kinda teases me going like “sarah, you loser!!!!!” and then i look down from the screen for a second or two like an actual loser would doo and then yeah i just “laugh it away” - like silently! ~ No hard feelings!

umm.so yeah i was saying. The main thing is losing weight and i want to lose one kg a week WHICH I AM NOT BY THE WAY. so i kind of get sad from time to time and all, and then idk get ok with it, and then sad again and alll that. and then battling myself against food is there. Today though i kind of figured out that if i watch suits while on the treadmill ill kinda stay distracted, and it wont be boring anymore and ill be able to go somewhere i guess.

so theres around 9 weeks left for uni to open and i wish vacation never ended but yeah lets just face reality. And about my brother, 6 weeks left. So that means I wna lose around 9 kgs before uni reopens but its smart to kind of plan a bit more than you actually want so that if you dont totally achieve your goal youll still land somewhere good. if you know what i mean.

Now there is a lot i want to say. SO muchh. But I cant be fooling myself. It would obviously be for him only. So Ill just hold everything back in!!!!!!

But one thing I want the world to know

Everyone has their own problems and their own imperfection and perfections and whatever. But ever since I had my eyes on him, i knew he was different. infact that is exactly why i liked him in the first place. I dont wna go in depth with this but ill just say it in the simplest way I can.

When I was with him, yes, I did pray for a fairytale story. But not an actual one. because those dont exist. I had my own modified version of a fairytale ending. And in their, everything was not perfect. Everyone was not perfect. there was pain, there were people who didnt know what they were worth. All I ever wanted is to be the person to be ale to mend hearts, to help someone find their way out from the sufferings, to be a part of someone happiness. And even though we are not together right now. I wish the same. I just wanted it to be through me before. Now it doesnt necessarily need to be, cause it definitely will be coming from Allah both ways inshaAllah.

I pray he gets to see what I see in him. And what people see in him. And most importantly, what he sees in himself but fails to value at times.

P.S. My family is excluded from consideration in this post. when i talk about people, i mean everyone else except my family. --ALSOOOOO-- I just randomly sat down at 5am and decided to blog today and so i sat with my laptops and this is all what flowed outta me!

A totally random post!

BUT i do wna mention how the tumblr app on my phone s.u.c.k.s. Cant give notifications properly *&^&%&^$%&%*^(0

Bye c:

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johnnys-so · 7 years

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I don't think anyone has requested Leo or N! Since there's been too much Hyuk, if you feel like it, can you please do model!au for either Leo or N? Either will be fine!

A/N: hey there nonnie. i apologise but uni has been pretty busy lately. but i finally finished my degree and exams and now im here to fulfill your scenario needs.

N / Hakyeon:

first off, no one ever expected hakyeon to be a model. he’s more of a manager type, or even an idol but he takes up the job completely because he needed the money in college but now, he has slowly come to enjoy it.

when he first got into the scene, the designers and photographers loved him simply because of his unique skin colour. the korean designers were happy enough to try bolder colours that he could pull off better, especially when autumn and winter rolled around

he eventually took the model scene by storm not just for his skin colour but also because he was so self-sufficient

hakyeon makes a habit of showing up on time and personally greeting everyone on set. he’s very bright on set and interacts with everyone and loves discussing concepts with the fashion designers and the coordi noonas

if anything, he’s picked up so many makeup tricks over the years that if they need an extra hand, he’s up for helping with makeup too

he becomes such a sensation and dabbles and shares his opinions on everything - from clothes, to makeup - that eventually a very huge MNC asks him to design and model a new collection

and he couldn’t be more happy except youre his photographer and you honestly are a bit put off by how controlling he can get

for hakyeon, anything less than perfection is not acceptable. (it’s one of the reasons, he’s never changed his manager in all these years because he’s been trained to perfection)

after a lot of banter and grumbling about you difference in opinion, he decided to take you to the place where he got his inspiration from and it turns out, it’s his old university

and when you’re both sitting down in a quiet park, after you’ve taken a few aesthetic shots of the university, he tells you how this is where he began from and he feels like this is where his roots emerge from and you’re like “but wouldn’t you rather get inspiration from your family or your hometown or something like that???”

and he explains how it was here that he learnt to survive on his own and learnt to love himself by putting himself in a profession that meant that he had to show off his body and use his body as a profession and you’re just like “that’s some extreme measure of self love dude”

but you get where he comes from and you finally have THE BEST concept for the photobook

and you surprise hakyeon with a fully well orchestrated on-campus shoot and even convince a few of his lecturers and friends to play along so you can get hakyeon’s pictures like the on-campus hottie/cutie that you lowkey imagine him to be

and by the end of it, when you see him standing below the sakura trees, you just exchange your amazing DSLR for a nice old film camera and he’s like wtf are you doing we need this in HD quality and you just calmly mutter “these are for me hakyeon. you look too ethereal to be put in a photobook” and hakyeon turns into a shy mess ////

Leo / Taekwoon:

taekwoon starts out as the tallest and coldest player of his local soccer team and they even send one of his pictures to the local newspaper to promote for the upcoming game. he really doesn’t mind because he could care less tbh

but then when the soccer team gets picked for the nationals, they need sponsors and they decide to have a calendar and photobook and basically have a photoshoot for a local sports brand to fund them so when the guy comes out to pick a model he straight up picks taekwoon “he looks tall and model-like, he’ll do” and the coach is just like “OFC HE’S OUR STAR PLAYER THE BEST IN THE TEAM HE COULD KICK STEEL I SWEAR” but the sports brand woman doesn’t care she’s just like “yes but he’s also smoldering hot. he’ll do” and thats how the coach flipping corners him after practice and begs him to do the photoshoot even though leo is like no no noooo dont put me in front of a camera i cant do this

the rest of the team begs him “hyung we need equipment and shoes and travel cost and there is no way we can win this if you dont do the photoshoot” and leo can be manly as heck and straight up scare the coach but he cant say no to the youngest and cutest player in his team. he is just so soft for his dongsengs

so thats how leo begins. but soon enough, the netizens go crazy with that spots ad and it becomes a booming brand and everyone wants to know who is this sportsperson with those cat eyes

and people come to scout him to play for their team only because he has so much popularity

and soon enough he becomes more model taekwoon than star striker taekwoon and it hurts him a lot but he also knows the money is necessary and more than anything, his team adores the fuck out of him and so many people come to watch their shows and he’s sure 7/11 people in his team are dating because of him and theyre just so happy

and you meet him at one of those ‘take a picture with our model’ event at the store and you are in line to get his picture and you’re the last one and he just looks so tired after smiling for 90+ selfies and being exposed to screaming high school kids who have no interest in football or the sports brand and just want to see a handsome oppa

so when it’s your turn, leo literally pleading looks at you like ‘pls no dont come up’ and you really wanted to talk to him but siiiggghh he looks so sad and tired so when its your turn you just bow, say sorry and leave and you thought he’d look relieved but he just looks so offended and hurt but you’ve already started walking away

like a few minutes later you’re in some cafe trying to get some food into your system after your long practice and that long line and he suddenly sits in front of you and no greeting straight up asks you “why did you leave like that? did you really not want anything to do with me???” and he sounds like he’s interrogating a murder suspect. you nearly spit your hot chocolate out

and you explain very quickly, very clumsily, that he looked so tired and you didn’t want to burden him. and he’s just like “you just wanted a picture anyway.” and you’re like nooooooo i actually wanted to congratulate you because i come to see your matches and the way you play is so elegant i think youre the best striker ive ever seen and you make me want to practice harder and play better

and leo is shook but also so happy like wow a cute girl who’s healthy and actually admires me for a footballer and not just because im handsome (he really doesn’t think he’s handsome that idiot)

and so he stares at your for like 95786 minutes and sheepishly apologises and you slowly push your hot chocolate forward and say “you look like you need this” and he just nods and sips and eventually you have to go and get yourself another one but oppa taek pays for it and promises he’ll help you practice soon.

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