"Time & the Trickster"
a Loki/Doctor Who crossover
Chapter 13: The Ones Left Behind
Sylvie chases you into the bowels of the TARDIS, leaving Loki at her mercy on one side, while you and The Doctor are stranded on the far end. It's a race back to the time vortex to determine who gets control of the TARDIS in the final hours of reality!
CHAPTER WARNING (18+): none
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MASTERLIST
“How does she know where to go?” you asked as you followed The Doctor further into the depths of the time machine. The lights flickered as the TARDIS itself continued to react to Sylvie’s defiance, as well as the time stones’ interference. Because of this, you and The Doctor weren’t running as you continued your descent.
“She’s been here with me for a few days, she’s had time to explore,” he replied.
“Ah,” you nodded. “Yet you said you never fully warmed up to her. Why?”
“Oh, well when you’re as old as I am, you learn to pick up on things. Holes in stories, feelings that don't line up with actions and the like, y’know?”
“I guess so.”
The time lord went on. “If someone like Sylvie thinks it’s Loki’s ultimate destiny to make a sacrificial move, then why did she storm in here like a Judoon looking for a fugitive? There’s too much brute urgency in the way she acted. You’d think someone’s literal other half sent to retrieve them for imminent imprisonment would be a bit more reluctant and solemn at the task.”
“She is NOT his other half,” you insisted with a brief sigh.
The Doctor stopped in his gtracks, giving you the first serious once-over he’d lent you since arriving. “Oh, I see,” he said with quiet sympathy. “How long did it take you?”
“Take me? To what?” you asked defiantly.
“To fall in love with Loki, of course!” he said casually. “It’s plain as the eyestalk on a Dalek’s face.”
You shrugged. “Not long at all.”
The Doctor thought back for a moment. “It’s the worst thing a traveler can do, isn’t it?”
“What?”
“Fall for someone. Anyone.”
The two of you went onward toward the vortex chamber.
“You’re talking about Rose,” you decided.
The Doctor wilted. “Yeah.”
He was suddenly way too quiet. “She chose to go to the throne--err, I mean--risk falling into the Void. She only got lucky at the last moment, which is why she’s still alive.”
“Loki won’t be so lucky unless we get Sylvie to go to his place.”
The Doctor asked if you’d planned for any way of doing that. You brought up your plan to fake her out with Loki’s dramatized death. “It’s a bit Disney, but it’s frankly better than anything I got,” he mused. “But, are you ready to let go of him if it fails?”
You nodded without words.
“It’s a burden that all travelers endure,” The Doctor went on. “Sometimes it feels like a pair of binary stars circling, basking in the glow of one another but never fully combining, because there’s always some force of nature keeping you from fully coming together.”
“I was a fan of his character,” you explained. “I’d dreamed of him for ten years. When he literally came to life before me, I didn’t know what to think. But…he’s even better than the character. I didn’t want to know that. It would’ve made things so much easier if I hadn’t--”
“--now, now,” The Doctor pouted his lips, “regret doesn’t solve anything.”
“Regardless,” you sniffed back, trying to stifle any crying before it started. Getting emotional was the LAST thing you needed in the moment. “I know I have to give him back. There are others who need him. I’m just afraid of the heartbreak, and how lonely it’s going to make me.”
“Are you alone in the world? Aside from Loki,” he asked.
“No,” you said quickly. “My brother…who seems to be having trouble finding a parking space,” you added, “we live together. Our parents died a while back. Neither of us socialize much out of work…aside from with the beat cops at the precinct, I suppose.”
“I see,” he replied. “Family’s good.”
“He’s younger, and sometimes he’s difficult to pin down, but sometimes I think I’m the dependent one,” you moped. “He’s the only one who knows how to quell my panic attacks, and if it weren’t for him, I’d absolutely be alone in the world.”
“How often do you have them? The anxiety attacks?”
You rolled your eyes. “More than my share as of late.”
“Of course! Though after the way you tried to take Sylvie all on your own, I was already under the impression that you could take of yourself.”
You smirked. “That wasn’t strength, it was anger.”
“Oh no, you were brilliant back there, truly!” The Doctor insisted. “Have you forgotten she’s Asgardian like Loki? You don’t seem to fully understand that you challenged a god face-to-face just now.”
That perspective hadn’t occurred to you. Your chin went up in pride. “I guess I did, huh?”
The TARDIS shook, but you were able to grab on to your escort’s shoulder to steady yourself. “Sounds like we should move faster,” he mumbled. “Blimey, I thought Loki was going to be the difficult one.”
“Well, in a way--”
“--yeah, don’t try explaining that Variant stuff to me. I regenerate my face and body, and even I think that version of the universe has too many rules and holes.”
You nearly snorted in laughter. “One of you is more than enough, is it?”
He laughed in turn. “Oh absolutely! Just ask every foe from here to Raxacoricofallapatorius.”
“I’d rather not.”
The Doctor led you down a flight of metal stairs and through an archway to the next level of the time machine. “You know, if we didn’t come from separate realities, I’d invite you to go see some places with me.”
“Really?” you asked airly. “I’d love that. It’s such a shame I’m trapped on the most worthless branch of the least interesting, magic-free cardboard box of a timeline there is.”
The Doctor clicked his tongue. “I suppose I pity you a little there.”
Gee thanks, Doctor, you thought. That sure helps.
“Loki has shown me so much since being in my life. Now that he has to leave it one way or the other...I don’t know where to begin processing a life after seeing magic, seeing that he exists beyond a film screen, and hereafter never seeing it or him again. It’s like he’s about to climb back into the TV and turn it off.”
“Echos fade,” The Doctor promised. “Healing will come. You just have to be willing to give it a try once it’s time.”
You sensed the sorry in his words. You knew he’d managed to move on from his Rose. “What’s it like? Losing the one you love like that?” you dared to ask, regretting it as soon as the words left your lips.
The Doctor put his hands in his pockets, looking down at his shoes for a moment in thoughtful silence. He looked sullen, quietly sad, his face forlorn. “Would you like the kind answer or the real one?”
“You know what I want to hear.”
He sighed. “You’ll blame yourself for a long time. You bargain with every invisible force to take their place. Even if you know they are alive and thriving, wherever they are, the room always feels a little larger to you after they go.”
“I wish I couldn’t feel at all,” you said woefully. “Feelings suck.”
“Well, don’t talk like that, you’ll start to sound like a Cyberman,” The Doctor joked lightly, breaking a bit of the drama in the corridor.
You giggled until he interrupted you with, “But…the night sky will suddenly hold a lot more meaning for you. You’ll begin to appreciate the smallest things that remind you of them, and smile when their face enters your thoughts. The smells that bring you back to the times you shared will become addicting and delicious.”
You took one more turn around a sharp-angled corner, and were met with a pair of large, heavy double doors. You heard voices speaking in muffles within.
“But the one thing that tops them all, Y/N, the one thing you need to remember if things come to the worst possible scenario: what they did is not your fault. They made their choices because of their love for us. It wouldn’t do to cry in their wake for long. It’s our duty, as the ones they leave behind, to live.”
It made you think, and the sigh you let out felt as if it weighed fifteen pounds. What more could you and Loki ask for? The possibility that you could run off together that was infinitesimal at best? Perhaps it was asking for too much. Ultimately, no matter what came of the grand finale of this adventure, you would carry the love he’d given you and the lessons he’d taught you for as long as you went on.
“Well, no time like the present,” The Doctor said, indicating that this was your destination. “We’ll need to act quickly. Get the stone into her hand and by whatever means necessary, get her to drop it over the time vortex without anyone falling in.”
“How will I know what that is?”
He gave you a look as if to say you’ve got to be kidding me.
“Oh right,” you mumbled awkwardly. “Wibbly wobbly.”
He nodded with an encouraging smile. “Wibbly wobbly. But I must warn you not to look directly into it. Looking into the time vortex can do unspeakable things to you.”
You and The Doctor each laid a palm on a door, ready to fight the moment you got inside if needed. “Just remember, Y/N, if you want even a slight chance for Loki to escape his sacrifice, Sylvie needs to stay alive.”
“Right,” you said quickly, even as you longed to curl your fingers around her skinny throat. “For him. For all of us.”
Sylvie may have been quicker, but Loki’s legs were longer. Thus, keeping up with her was a simple task, even if she was weaving methodically through tiny passageways, leaping down entire stairwells, and cutting through the oddest array of rooms, some of which seemed wholly unnecessary for a time machine (why was there a swimming pool and art gallery down here?).
She knew where to go to head you off, to guard the time vortex from any stones getting within and shipping her off to a place that would only welcome her with an escort to an eternity of existing for others. All her hard work and suffering would be for naught!
Loki wasn’t speaking to her, even as she found the time vortex chamber in minutes. The TARDIS was still shaking intermittently, each time a bit more violent. She was breaking, and soon she would probably fall apart entirely. That would doom everyone to the collapse of reality, and it could not happen.
Sylvie opened the double doors, stepping cautiously inside. Loki slipped through before she slammed them shut.
“If you move more than one step toward that…” she pointed to the center of the room, where a large, closed basin stood, bright white light leaking out from under the stone lid. “…or if I see you take that stone out…” She held her dagger to Loki’s throat, causing him to still his breath as much as possible.
Loki gritted his teeth against the burning sensation against his thigh where he’d quickly stashed the stone before giving chase. He put up his arms and shook his head quietly. “You’ll run me through, I imagine.”
Her eyes never left his face. She wasn’t sure whether to relish his hesitation, or to be on higher guard. Meanwhile, Loki was beginning to observe the room for himself from his position against the doors.
In addition to the large basin, the room held a cool, dark blue hue, nearly completely made of stone and entirely too ostentatious for its singular purpose, it seemed.
“Don’t let anyone in here,” she commanded.
“You expect me to listen now?” asked Loki.
“You expect me not to use this?” Sylvie replied, the very tip of the blade cutting the skin of Loki’s neck.
Loki swallowed. “If you kill me, what then? Who becomes the one to heal time in my place but you?” He stood up a little straighter as the realization hit her. She took two steps back and brought the blade down to her side without putting it away.
“So…now what?” she asked.
Loki brushed some hair away from his face, coated in sweat. “We go back to the TVA.”
“I said NO!” Sylvie shouted, stomping her foot and turning her back on him. The floor shook with such force that Loki nearly tumbled to the ground.
“Well, then neither of us do it, and everyone and everything dies.” He shrugged once the room was still underfoot. “Including us.”
“Is that worse than sitting at the edge of time being a slave?” she scoffed, beginning to walk a slow lap around the vortex basin. “After all I’ve been through!”
There it was. The words Loki needed to hear to finally put everything about Sylvie together in his mind. After all I’ve been through. No matter what he said, she was lost. It would never be about anyone else no matter what he said.
Still, he had to try. “You’d consider it slavery?”
“What else is it, eternally serving others?”
“I have spent weeks traveling as mortals do across land and sea,” he said. “The first hour after my arrival I was knocked out cold by a drunkard. I have been in TWO prison cells AND a shipwreck, and I paid an inordinately large sum for a tower of fish food. I may not have spent my life running and hiding in apocalypses, but I did spend it among lying fathers, purple conquerors, and with so little to hold on to that for so long I didn’t see a reason to do so.”
He slowly walked deeper into the room, taking in the vastness of it. “Then she happened.”
“That hot-headed human?” Sylvie mocked. “First Mobius, now her?”
Loki smirked in a way that would make Tony Stark proud. “I’m starting to think Midgardians just make better lovers.”
Sylvie rolled her eyes in her trademark scowl. “In the end, they don’t matter. The only one in our lives who never betrays us is ourselves!”
Loki shrugged. “I beg to differ. I happen to think I’ve been the biggest detriment to my own existence for eons. The only reason I’m not dead this minute is because of others.”
Something peculiar changed in Sylvie’s energy, almost like it had reached its zenith and was beginning to fall. “And I understand it’s awful when you feel there’s no one in the world to rely on but yourself, but no one is EVER alone unless they ask to be!”
She was quiet, refusing to look back at him. “I suppose…”
“…you surely must trust me a little.”
“What makes you say that?”
“You have your back to me right now.”
She shot around to find Loki only about five feet away, holding a handkerchief by the gathered corners, a smoking green morsel inside. She widened her stance and brandished her dagger again.
“You can do this, Sylvie. Maybe this is your purpose,” he suggested softly. “It’s how you can prove to the TVA and every one of your transgressors that you—”
“—how simple do you think I am? We’ve spent so much time together! No, it’s not my place. They don’t deserve my protection!”
Loki felt his eyes go hot as he held back a tear for her. Sylvie, you fear the cosmos too much, as I once did.
Perhaps if she had a Thor (Thora?) to play with as a child, or was allowed to live on her version of Asgard without the TVA’s interventions, she would’ve learned how to open the gates to her heart. She wouldn’t be such a hardened warrior with no faith in the world.
I need to get this to the basin over there, he thought, when he senses a presence from behind the double doors. He knew you and The Doctor had arrived.
Sylvie jumped when you and The Doctor bursted in, Sylvie’s cracked stone in your hand.
“It’s time, Sylvie,” you said, standing up straight and brandishing the rock between your fingers. “This is all down to you. We can do this without anyone getting hurt, or I can drag you to the TVA by your ankles. Now, what’s it going to be?”
Life Update: I got some life-altering news this weekend. My dad is dying of a fast-acting gastrointestinal cancer, and I'm quite close with him. I have yet to see how this is going to affect my presence here for the next few months, but rest assured whether or not I go away or annoy everyone here to death with my need to distract myself, this fic is finished and the remaining chapters are queued.
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