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xmo-rmon · 3 months

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To ensure I was not recognized as I raided the church for books, I picked a building I had never been to before, a couple of cities away from the one I was raised in. As far as the floor plan went, I was confident that I knew my way around as soon as I stepped through the door. As I pretended to be on my phone to discourage people from talking to me, I muttered, “Yep, there’s the basketball court” as I passed the “cultural hall”, which was actually echoing with the thuds of basketballs at the time.

What I did not remember, and realistically could not have recognized before, was the oppressive atmosphere that was built into the very structure of the building.

Granted, the building was at least a few decades old, and I spent the last few years of my membership in a brand new building. But it was not far off from the one I spent most of my time in before that. Brick walls painted shiny white, blue heather carpets, black name plates with bronze text by every amber door. But the walls were so close, the ceilings so low, the lighting so sparse and sickly. Even the chapel, when I stepped in to grab a hymnal, was so strangely dark. The certainty that all the doors to the outside were unlocked was the only thing keeping it all from feeling like some horrible prison. Literally.

My wife and I like to watch ghost hunting shows, even if we don’t take them seriously. Whenever a prison is being investigated, we say, “Of course you feel bad in there, it was literally built to be unpleasant to be in. Look how low the ceilings are, look at all the tiny rooms, think about how horribly dark and quiet it must have been in those remote, solitary cells.”

Granted, things that are scary to one person can be comforting to another; places are made holy by the significance that humans give them. A prison cell could be used for nothing but tea parties and puppy cuddles and someone not acclimated to the space would still be uncomfortable. As a twitchy, feral little neurodivergent kid, I hated going to church and having to sit still, but sometimes it would be my family’s turn to clean the church, and I did not get the “liminal space” chills in the empty church the way I would today. I just liked running around in a space I had to be “reverent” in otherwise. And as a young teen, starved for affection and contact, it was comforting to huddle up with people I felt I could trust. But humans have a natural fear or discomfort for cramped, oppressive spaces, and the church could not train me out of such an innate thing. In my later years, I started having more and more panic attacks just from being in the building. But the church, of course, did train me to interpret that fear in a way that kept me subservient.

And, reflecting on that, I feel a little sick about the level of control they had.

Fear is so important. Understanding those fears, even more so. It’s our natural alarm that alerts us to danger, and while we need to manage our anxiety, we must be allowed to be afraid. But the church reaches down into our very foundations as human animals and claims it all as their own. As a mormon you’ve been gifted the wisest form of fear in the world, the holy ghost, and you’re told that wisdom will always lead you closer to the church. The fear you feel in a cell and the fear you fear in a church could be the very same, but if you recognize both as the holy ghost, then the holy ghost could not possibly make you feel bad in a church, so you must be feeling good things, actually. You must be feeling the spirit.

Doing baptisms for the dead, I was too short for the water level. Every time I went under, my feet would slip out from under me, and I’d have to struggle to resurface. Afterward, I’d sit in the seats in the dead silence, shaken down to the core. The best I would feel was relief that it was finally over, but I attributed it all to the spirit moving me. I was not a teenage girl who very very much did not want to let a strange man low key drown me, but had been manipulated to believe I’d be a sinner if I didn’t. I wasn’t a teenage girl who had been groomed to believe her consent did not matter where the church was involved. How could any of that disturb me when the holy ghost only made me disturbed about sins? When the holy ghost had a huge hand in me feeling like saying no would be a sin?

Anger is a sin, so you can never object to the way the church treats you. If you want to satisfy your innate biological desire for human intimacy, getting married in the temple is the only way. Fear is only real if it has nothing to do with the church, and if it does, you’re being given an opportunity to show how good and faithful you are for disregarding it.

There is no room. The ceilings are low, the walls are close, the lights are dim. But the doors are unlocked; you’re not trapped. You don’t even have to go and check.

The holy ghost warned you not to.

#exmo #exmormon #apostake #apostate #feast and testimony

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be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie · 9 months

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Time travel, it's a funny thing really, even funnier when you take in account all the different interpretations of its inner workings. So, what if we take out boy Spider, and put him in yet another ridiculous situation like we usually do? By that I mean sending him back before even the events of the first film and letting the chaos ensue.

Spider being, well, himself wants to fix whatever he can because he's just built like that. Problem with that is time doesn't like being messed with and will throw hands to keep things as they are. What now? you may ask. Well, Spider is not one to give up easily, he'll roll up his non existing sleeves, put on his game face and.... fail miserably, dyeing a horrible death in the process.

And what now? you may ask again. You're right to be confused, but you're forgetting that there's still a baby to be born to one of the worst of the demons and a pilot, one who is yet to even be called Spider. That's right, this is a time loop.

This one will live trough life, doing the same things as the first one, getting sent back, until he too fails the same way. Then the next one, and the one after that, will do the same, on and on until, eventually, one decides to leave behind a clue for his (future/present/past?) self, just in case. And the dominoes start falling from there.

I won't go into detail of what he does because it would be way to long, but it's basically millions upon millions of tries until he get's to the "golden" run, where he's basically herding people around into "safe spots" without them knowing. Yes, he did throw a fire extinguisher at Quaritch so he would miss Grace's vitals, she still had to transfer but it worked this time (thus Kiri being born, but with her bio mom being alive and well. I leave the rest to your imagination.)

That leaves us with pretty much everyone alive (Yes, Sylwanin is alive. That's how far back he went) and casualties on the human side being kept to a minimum.

All anyone clearly saw of future Spider was the human stranger with dreaded hair, standing over Quaritch's dead body right outside the shack Jake was in ( kinda dark, I know), leading to him becoming kind of his own legend amongst the na'vi (they do figure out he's been helping them all along, their not dumb) This is also why Jake decided to dread his hair, in honor of the stranger who was saving their asses from the background.

Sadly, Spider does die one final time, sufferings from an injury he got while saving Tsu'tey from doing that funny fall. That does fix the paradox of there being two Spiders sooo, win I guess?

After that, everything goes on as normal as it can be, what with everyone being alive and all. They do eventually find the clues left behind by the MANY Spiders and piece together what happened, they don't believe it at first, but all of that, combined with Spider growing up and becoming a spiting image of the stranger leaves them with little else (Imagine learning that your sister, father and a bunch of other important people to you are still alive only because the boy you hate for being the "Spawn of that demon" was sent back in time countless times, died countless deaths, all so everyone else could have a happier life, couldn't be me)

I'm also imagining that Eywa (She's more like a literal goddess here, not full on cosmic being, but enough to see trough time) saw all of it and at the half way point was like "PLEASE STOP! Even one was enough, just please!" all the while the embodiment of Spider's will was cackling like a gremlin " I ain't even half way done!"

Best of all, Miguel O'Hara can't do shit about it (The time loop is a cannon event)

So yeah, that's my thingy to you, a bit long (sorry!) but it is there.

Ooh, well I haven't seen a Spider time travel fic yet, only ones with the other Sully's or with the people from the first movie coming forward in time.

I do loooove a time loop, it's like a little mystery to figure out exactly how the perfect series of events can pan out. I love that Quaritch still dies though, that makes me happy. Spider of COURSE had to throw a fire extinguisher.

I am fascinated by how lonely his time in the past must have been. Especially if he was still a teenage boy. And if he went back as far as saving Sylwanin, dude was like so fucking old by the time they made it to the end there. He was older than Neytiri then so his ass was like nearing the end of middle aged. His bones are creaking their way around the forest. Where did he fucking live, how did he have the supplies to breathe and care for his human needs, how did no one notice him for like forty years?? So many questions.

Also hilarious to imply Eywa had nothing at all to do with this and was just watching.

#eywa like well i didn't do that #miles spider socorro #spider socorro #spider sully #miles quaritch #grace augustine #kiri sully #sylwanin #jake sully #neytiri sully #avatar #avatar the way of water #james cameron avatar #melissa's asks #melissa on avatar (cameron)

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radexchangeprogram · 2 years

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Can I request for some angsty headcanons? Fluff ending?? Confronting their s/o when they're mentally unstable but they are not aware of it???

Also please make it gender-neutral!

*crawls out of my hole* Hello it’s been a while :’) I didn’t want to make another “Omg I swear I’ll post guys!!!” post because I’ve made so many. Every time I thought I had motivation to write, my brain was like “lol nope”. I also have just had a lot going on in my life in general that I don’t wish to get into on here.

Anyways here you go! I decided to go with imposter syndrome as being the main culprit behind the mental health moment (definitely not self projecting nooooo) but feel free to interpret it in anyways that resonates with you :’) I just did the brothers because I didn’t want to push myself too hard!

Edit: Fixed a few grammar mistakes, I probably missed a few but meh

Comforting S/O Going Through a Mental Health Crisis (The Brothers)

Tw: negative self thoughts

Preface

Even before coming to the Devildom, you’ve struggled with mental health. You had good days and bad days, but today was a particularly bad day.

Lucifer

He called you into his office after you had skipped class that day.

While he may let you get off lighter than his brothers, you are still not immune from his lectures.

He didn’t even get a chance to start his usual speech when he noticed your puffy eyes.

He cupped your face with one of his gloves hands and asked you what was wrong.

You couldn’t hold back the tears anymore as you sobbed about how you didn’t feel good enough for the program, how you shouldn’t even have your pacts in the first place, how you didn’t even feel good enough to be his partner.

As you continued to regurgitate all of these horrible thoughts and feelings you had, you suddenly stopped when he pulled you into a tight hug.

At some point, he had shifted into his more demonic form, wrapping the two of you in his onyx wings. It was something he had done more frequently in the Celestial Realm when his brothers got upset as children. He remembers them saying it helped them feel safe.

“MC… You deserve everything you have and more. You helped all of us when we were broken and believed to be beyond repair.” He placed a kiss to your forehead, “Please allow us to be here for you as well.”

Will help you get a therapist or any other kind of professional who you feel you would have the best results with. He loves you so much.

Mammon

He ran into your room without knocking like always. He just HAD to tell you about the bet he just won!

He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw your trembling form under the blankets, very clearly having been crying just moments before.

A lot of people forget that Mammon was the glue that held his family together after the fall, remaining calm and even helping Lucifer during his moments of fear and doubt. He’s a lot more emotionally intelligent than people give him credit for, there’s a reason he’s the only brother who has yet to resort to flashing his demon form in rage.

He gently helped you sit up and asked what was wrong, concern very visible in his eyes.

You explained to him your feelings of inadequacy, of how you felt you didn’t deserve any of your accomplishments or to even be in the program.

He asked if someone had said something to you, perhaps a lower demon making a comment towards you.

If you confirm that someone did, he will absolutely remind that demon why you shouldn’t fuck with the partner of the second ruler of hell after he makes sure you’re ok.

If not, he will remain calm and ask you how long you have felt this way. As you speak, he pulls you closer into his arms and softly plays with your hair, leaving the occasional kiss on the crown of your head.

If you allow it, he will do anything to help you get treatment. You’re probably the only one he’s willing to take a bit out of his hoard for (you can’t tell me he doesn’t have a hoard full of some of the most expensive and valuable things in the three worlds, come on. The royal family is probably the only one who has more than him.)

He will never let you forget your value again. He loves you so much.

Leviathan

You two were having a gaming session like usual, cuddled up on his couch while trying out a new rpg.

It was single player, so you were mostly just watching Levi while he rambled about strategies and such.

He eventually noticed you had completely stopped talking and got really worried. Dude has the worst anxiety.

And this anxiety only increases when he sees you trying really hard to fight tears while you dig your fingers into one of the cushions on his couch.

“MC? W-what’s wrong? Did something happen in the game? It’s not that good of a game anyways, we can turn it off!” He offers an awkward, nervous smile in an attempt to reassure you. He has no idea what’s going on and it’s terrifying to him.

When you explain how you have been struggling to feel good enough in general lately, he is floored. Was it because he called you a normie?! Those were all jokes! God he’s such a horrible boyfriend-

When you told him that you couldn’t exactly pinpoint what it was, he started to understand more. It was kinda like his envy in a way, just a constant feeling of not being enough. While he knew what you were feeling wasn’t envy, he understood not being able to control self deprecating thoughts.

A bit more confidently than usual, he held both your hands. Telling you that he loved you and that even if you don’t feel good enough, you are good enough. His face was red the entire time, but he knew it was something you needed to hear.

After you calm down a bit, he’ll look into helping you get help. He suggested Telehealth as an option since then you wouldn’t have to constantly be drained going between worlds for treatment. However, if you prefer in person, he will be just as supportive.

Satan

He decided to go to the school library during his off period, as usual. It sucked that the two of you had different off periods, but what can you do?

So he was shocked to see you in the tucked away spot the two of you had claimed as your own in the library.

You were curled into yourself in your chair, trying to steady your breathing. He instantly knew something was horribly wrong.

He softly asked if you were okay, to which you simply shook your head. You weren’t going to talk here and that was okay. He grabbed your hand and guided you out of a less used exit of the library and took you straight home. He didn’t care about skipping class, Lucifer can cope.

Once he had you in his room and seated on one of his comfy reader chairs, he asked you what was going on.

He could feel his anger growing as you spoke about feeling small, feeling that maybe you took an exchange program opportunity away from someone who deserved it more, and how maybe you should give up and go home.

He asked if someone had said something, immediately thinking of all the fun torture methods he would be using on them if they did. If you say yes, they will never see the light of day again.

If you say no and that you don’t know why you feel this way, then he will try to think of ways to help you. He personally used his feelings of inadequacy to push him to constantly read and research, so he understands the struggle.

However when he sees the look of defeat and feelings of failure in your eyes, he knows this isn’t something he can’t simply research a potion for.

He softly rubs your hands with his thumbs as he tells you that if it weren’t for you, he and his family would be just as bitter as they were for thousands of years. In a few months, you accomplished more than many sorcerers had in a lifetime.

“MC, none of us would have stuck around you if you were ‘pathetic’. I have lived for thousands of years, met thousands of beings from different realms, but I cannot think of a single one I’d rather be with than you. You are the most incredible thing in my life. What can I do to help you feel the same way about yourself that I feel about you?”

He recommends getting therapy, assuring you that he will be there every step of the way and that he loves you so much. If you do not wish to seek therapy, he will be supportive and understanding. But he will do everything he can to help you feel better.

Asmodeus

He was getting really worried when you ignored his texts all day. Usually when you stayed home sick, you would still next him during class while he told you about all the gossip going on for the day.

When he got home, he didn’t even put his bag up before knocking on your door, “Hon? Are you ok? I’m coming in.”

He noticed you curled up under your blanket, very clearly trying to pretend to be asleep. Something was definitely wrong.

“MC? Sweetie? What’s going on?” He pulled the covers up and refused to listen to your protests when you wanted to go back under them to hide. He placed a hand to your forehead, you felt completely normal.

“Why did you fake being sick? I’m not gonna tell Lucifer, but please tell me what happened? Was it Belial? Did that bitch post something? If she did-“

You stopped his rant by suddenly grabbing onto him and sobbing into his school coat. He was shocked. He had never seen you like this before and it made his worry only grow.

He shushed you and wrapped his arms around you, his hand rubbing your back soothingly.

When you told him about how you felt you didn’t deserve to be in the program, to have pacts, or to even be his partner, he stopped you.

“Don’t you dare say that! Don’t you dare say that, MC!” Tears began to prick his eyes too, it was so much learning that the light of his life felt that they deserved nothing. “You-you’ve done so much for everyone! For me! I love you! We all do!” He held you tighter as some of his tears fell into your hair.

As you held each other, Asmo continued to tell you how he adored you, how beautiful you were, and more between his sobs. He never could have imagined you felt this way and he wish he had known sooner.

After the two of you calmed down, he took you to his room where he drew a bath. While you relaxed in the suds, the two of you spoke about where to go from here.

If you want therapy, he would get you it. If you need him to support you in another way, he would do it without hesitation. He would make sure you felt just as beautiful as you are, inside and out.

Beelzebub

He had just gotten home from practice and was looking forward to enjoying a nice after practice snack with his S/O.

He carried two massive bags of food and went to your room, a pit forming in his stomach when he smelt salt that could only be from tears.

He opened your door and peeked his head in, immediately rushing towards you when he confirmed his suspension that you were crying.

He dropped the bags on the floor and scooped you into his arms. He didn’t even sit down as his eyes scanned over your form, looking to see if you were hurt. It was something he instinctually did when he loved ones cried, truth be told.

“MC? What happened?” You tried to bite your tongue, you didn’t want to burden him with these feelings. It was stupid, it would make you look even dumber than you already were-

“Love bug?” The dam broke the second he used that nickname. You told him all your feelings, about how you felt so stupid in class when something didn’t come naturally to you, how you knew there were people who were so much better than you who deserved to be here, and all the horrible thoughts you had about how you wanted to vanish into thin air.

He hated this. He hated seeing you like this. It reminded him of the pain his family dealt with during the fall. But this time, he would protect you. He would make sure you felt the same love and support you gave him and his family while their emotions were in turmoil.

He doesn’t speak much, just holding your head against his chest as you listen to his steady heartbeat with the occasional affirmation that your self deprecating thoughts weren’t true.

Once you had calmed down, he reached down to grab the previously discarded bags, giving you the snack he had bought you.

“…I don’t like to share food. I don’t like to share much of anything. But it feels right to share with you.” While you ate, you noticed he didn’t even pick up a snack for himself, “You’re a very special person.” It was only after you assured him you couldn’t eat anymore that he began eating himself.

Beel would likely ask Belphie for some advice on how to help with human emotions. When he heard about the concept of therapy, he suggested it to you. Wether you decide to get therapy or would prefer some other means of support, he will be there the whole time.

Belphegor

He was getting a bit annoyed because he couldn’t find his favorite pillow (you) and it was time for his after school nap.

He was absolutely going to have you make this up to him with as many kisses and cuddles his bratty self wanted.

He finally went up to the attic where he saw you holding yourself and choking back tears.

His eyes widened and with speed unbefitting of the Avatar of Sloth, he ran over to you.

“MC? Are you ok? Did you have a nightmare?” He had never seen you like this before, not even when he-

Before his train of thought could continue, you wrapped your arms around him and sobbed into his shirt.

He was frozen for a minute before he slowly wrapped his arms around you. He didn’t say anything, just trying to think of what could have possibly happened.

When you began to pull back and stammer out apologies, his grip tightened. “MC please! Please tell me what happened!” He had a panicked look in his eyes. He needed to know.

Then you began to tell him about your feelings and he felt like he got punched in the gut. The fact that you felt you should be replaced by someone more deserving, about how you just were a fraud who got lucky rather than someone who worked hard for everything they had. It reminded him about how he felt about the fall. And it pained him to know you were suffering the same way.

He quietly shifted to his demonic form, his tail coming to run up and down your back as he laid you down with him. It was funny, you were calling yourself nothing special while a demon who vowed to destroy humanity was treating you like the most precious thing in the world, all because of your bravery and compassionate heart.

“Do you remember in the planetarium when I told you how I felt maybe Lilith should have survived instead?” You nodded, about to protest before he began speaking again, “You told me that I was never allowed to say that again. Well, I’m telling you you’re never allowed to say you’re not enough ever again.”

When you tried to say this was different, he smacked the back of your head lightly with his tail. He kept doing it a few times, sometimes having the fluffy part hit your face slightly, before you began to let out the laugh he loved to dearly.

He would ask if you’ve ever had therapy before or if you would be open to the idea of it. When you had joked about being the family therapist, he had actually done some research on human world therapists.

If you decide to go forward with therapy, he’ll be supportive and make sure to come with you to every appointment (though he may fall asleep in the waiting room…). If you decide against it, then he’ll do his best to make note of when you’re struggling so it never gets to the point it got to again.

You helped him feel like a whole demon again after thousands of years of bitterness and self loathing, let him help you with your struggles as well.

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me x reader #obey me lucifer x reader #obey me mammon x reader #obey me leviathan x reader #obey me satan x reader #obey me asmodeus x reader #obey me beelzebub x reader #obey me belphegor x reader #obey me Lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me Asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me x mc #obey me imagine

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fizzingwizard · 8 months

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Something else I love about Moomins...

When I was a kid, like nine or ten years old, I had a book called What Kay Did. In the book, Katy is a selfish and mean young girl, who falls off a swing and I think breaks her back or something. As a result, she can't walk, and is cooped up inside and miserable. Little by little, she learns how her nasty behavior made her siblings afraid of her and not want to be with her, and now that she can't go out and amuse herself, she's really dependent on them for fun. So she learns to be nice. She becomes almost saintly, really.

Then, near the end of the book, the family finds out that there's a possibility that Katy will be able to walk again. And instead of being happy for her, the siblings say, "But she's become so nice since she got hurt. If she heals, will she be mean again?" Fortunately, Katy both relearns how to walk, and stays nice, so everyone's happy.

I hated this book. And it's not like, as a kid, I wasn't familiar with moralizing children's books where the main character learned a lesson and grew into a better person. I knew exactly what the book was doing. I just hated it. And I also knew that the siblings weren't meant to be interpreted as cold and indifferent for their lack of enthusiasm on hearing Katy might walk again. It's probably realistic even, if you've been bullied by someone before, to worry that a return to the circumstances where they bullied you would trigger it again. Still I hated them. I hated the book for telling me Katy had to behave a certain way for her to deserve to walk. Even though the way she used to be was truly awful. And I hated the book for requiring me to sympathize with the siblings, who had been treated badly by Katy, when what I really thought was that their resistance her recovery, however brief, was worse than anything she'd done to them in the past.

I hated being told what to think. I hated being preached at about right and wrong. And more than anything, I hated that Katy went through a character arc so dramatic that, in the end, she was completely unrecognizable as the girl in chapter one. That was meant to be good thing, because chapter one Katy was an asshole. But even as a kid, I didn't believe people change that much. Katy ended up more or less a saint. Always kind, always giving, always patient. Because of that, her relearning to walk came across like a reward for being a good person.

I haven't picked up this book again since I was a kid. So I may be forgetting important points. It's always possible I'd feel differently as an adult. That's my disclaimer, but i don't really think so. Because it's not like this kind of book was unusual. Another one comes to mind, the title of which I've forgotten, which was about a plate. In the world of plates, if you let just anyone eat off you, you wound up a dirty paper plate no one wanted. But if you waited and remained pure and clean, one day the King himself would change you into a beautiful porcelain plate and you'd be part of his household. It was a metaphor for Christianity and for virginity. It was more preachy BS.

Part of the reason I hated it was because I really took it to heart. I felt that I was horrible like Katy, and that unless I could achieve her saintliness, I would be always coming up short. Every time I committed a sin, even just in my head, I felt like I was back at square one. And I was doomed to fail, because of course it's impossible to be as good as Katy. We can change some. We can strive for self-improvement. But we'll be fighting our demons forever. (And in the book's defense, I believe I remember a scene where Katy admits she still struggles with her temperament later on, but she does her best not to let it affect her siblings.) With the plates, same thing: you can't live a totally pure and clean life. No one can. In Christianity, that's supposed to be a prerequisite for being human: we are all sinners, all of us. The goal is to try your best to live a righteous life and to be humble. But there's so much judgment and so many attacks on people who falter, and so much smug superiority among those who are convinced they are living righteously.

The Moomins books say something completely different. They were about self-acceptance. "All nice things are good for you," Moominmamma says. That would never fly in my Christian children's literature. And it's not like the Moomin book were anti-religious. (on a tangent: I wondered if what Moomintroll left under the fir tree, the thing that he didn't even tell Snufkin about, was meant to be him giving his soul to God on Christmas. It's impossible for me to tell whether I read that story right or if my deeply religious upbringing is screwing with me again.)

The Moomins don't say it's fine to be a bully or it's fine to do things that hurt you or others. But they don't go around breaking your back for being a bully or rejecting you eternally for not doing what you're told. Things happen in Moomins - characters make choices in step with their nature, and although they rub each other the wrong way sometimes, it always turns out that there was this or that reasoning and no one's really right or wrong. They're all just people. Moomins doesn't expect you to ever try to be perfect. And hiding your demons doesn't protect your family from them, rather it creates more distance between you and makes it harder to support each other and feel supported.

Characters in Moomins aren't so dynamic. But they also aren't completely stagnant. No character would undergoes the vast change that Katy did, or the complete transformation of the porcelain plate. Instead, characters are confronted with themselves again and again. And, again and again, they learn to accept themselves warts and all. A hemulen is a hemulen, a fillyonk is a fillyjonk and it's no use for them to try to be anything else, because that's what they are. Sometimes they're fed up with it and yearn to be anyone else. It's only natural, because no one is perfect, so we can always find bits of ourselves to hate. But inevitably they'll miss themselves. It's when characters listen to voices that tell them they're not enough, whether those voices are internal or external, that they become nasty and mean and mistreat each other.

There are no real bad guys in Moomins. We can only wonder what would happen if someone really mean were ever introduced. But the stories aren't missing such a character - they especially aren't missing the chance to chastise their young readers for their imperfections and urge them to be righteous because otherwise, hell awaits. I much prefer the take that everyone has their own personality and temperament and history, which informs their actions, and that most of the difficulties people have with each other come from not respecting that. You can't have a community by forcing everyone to be the same. A community is different people making the same choice to support each other's differences.

Actually, there is one bad guy in Moomins. It's the aunt in "The Invisible Child." Notably, she doesn't feature in the story. The story is about helping Ninny. About Ninny learning that she is important. That she doesn't deserve to be mistreated and degraded, her every misstep nitpicked. That her wants, her needs, her voice matters. Her cruel aunt doesn't matter at all. So she's not part of the story.

And, when Ninny rediscovers who she is, she's praised in this way: "She's even worse than Little My." I wonder how different Katy's story would have been, if she had Little My to knock some sense into her, without also sapping her of her individuality. I bet that plate never would have become porcelain either, but would have enjoyed life in the Moominhouse cupboard just as much.

#moomin

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viivdle · 2 months

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it's been a long time coming..

Dancing With Our Hands Tied (Jurdan's Version) with @annamatix <3

part 1!!

"I, I loved you in secret" is one of the many lyrics you don't need to use metaphorically for them to fit. he *did* love her in secret, and he hid his feelings with every action he took.

"First sight, yeah, we love without reason" we get a description of what he noticed first when he saw jude, and he was (very obviously, might i add) star struck. he didn't have a reason to be attracted to her. if anything, it was the opposite. his whole life he was taught to hate mortals and find them repulsing, but something about her was different.

"Oh, how were you to know?" i think sometimes cardan regrets his actions. he would do it again just to have the same outcome - being with jude. but i think he regrets how long it took because it cost them valuable time together. even after his feelings were clear, he did things that prolonged the time until they got to openly confess their love.

"And my, my love had been frozen" with everything in his life growing up, nobody reciprocated the love he tried to give, so he locked his heart away the best he could. he tried to freeze it so it wouldn't get hurt, but people still found ways to shatter it.

"Deep blue, but you painted me golden" cardan had a horrible life, nobody needs reminders of it. it's in everything he says and does. she ultimately saved his life in more ways than one. this can also be taken literally. "but you painted me golden" fits the scene in which jude struck him and smeared gold over his face, but that's just a funny thing to add. another way to interpret it (i'm already getting unhinged with this) is that he was with nicasia before he was with jude. not only were they bad together, which painted him blue, but nicasia is the princess of the undersea, nicasia is the deep blue that was replaced with gold, jude.

"Oh, and you held me close. Oh, how was I to know?" it's no secret that jude can lie. and that she takes great advantage of that ability. even after everything, i think cardan still had doubts about her love for him because she *could* be lying. he's very self-destructive and thinks little to nothing of himself. "it is a shabby, worm-eaten, and scabrous thing" is only one of the many admissions to it, verbal or not. while he knows jude loves him, but can't be certain.

"I could've spent forever with your hands in my pockets" screams cardan. he thought he was uncapable of being loved, and she proved him otherwise. he loves with all he has and all he can give, and when he got a taste of what it was like to be loved, he never wanted to let it go again. he would've spent forever with her hands in his pockets, and he would've been happy to do so.

"Picture of your face in an invisible locket" i love love LOVE this lyric, and cardan would too. as i said, he loves with all his might, and he proudly does so. he would 100% wear a locket with a picture of jude in it, nobody questions that. he would love it even more if the locket was invisible to show everyone who has his heart. in the standards elfhame sets, he shouldn't feel proud to love a mortal. he is anyway and after finding out how it feels to love her, he stops caring about it and he would scream it from the top of every building in the kingdom.

"You said there was nothing in the world that could stop it" need i remind everyone of when he was a serpent and knew nothing, not even himself (yes, i'm repeating myself again) but he knew jude? nothing in the world could stop his love for her, literally. and it most definitely something he'd admit to jude.

"I had a bad feeling" has so many meanings for me, looking at it and trying to connect it to cardan. literally, hate is a bad feeling - and he felt it for jude. a lot. cardan, despite his very inflated seeming ego, is extremely anxious when it comes to jude. not only is she the only family he has left, she's the only family he ever had. yes, he had his court. yes, he had a complex relationship with the people in it. yes, said relationship also included love. but no, it was never pure love. jude and cardan's story is anything but pure. it's tainted, bloody, cursed... but their love? it's the purest love in his life.

i know this is very, very long, and i doubt anyone's read it - but stay tuned for the rest of my version and anna's post on her account<33

#it's been over a month #it's been a LONG time coming #cardan greenbriar #jude duarte #jurdan #the cruel prince #the wicked king #the queen of nothing #tfota #the folk of the air #holly black #taylor swift #jurdan songs #taylor swift analysis #tfota songs #tfota song analysis #idk how to tag this ahhhh!!!!@#how the king of elfhame learned to hate stories #htkoelths

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cbncb0280 · 1 year

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His Saviour Or Savage? (Tom Riddle X Ravenclaw Reader - Smut)

Author's notes:~

Also, this is ideally a 15+ post just to warn ya lot. But under 15s are allowed to interact and read dis. And I don't like using sexual words such as 'dick', 'clit' and so on cus for sum reason, it makes me wanna cringe. So hopefully, you'll know what I mean when I describe them in here. I'm also not the best at writing smut since I'm a virgin, lol.

Welp, despite all dis from above, enjoy everyone. >;-)

P.S. Here's a drawing of him I edited. It isn't mine, it's just been given the sunlight effect by me.

This wasn't on. You were not gonna let him get away with this. Not your boyfriend. He was already succeeding by creating his first horcrux, killing Murtle by accident and gathering his first gang of secret Death Eaters. Now you knew that he wanted to become the darkest and most powerful wizard in the world.

You had only just recently discovered all this by reading something in his diary and his plans. Even though there was nothing in there, you just so happened to come across a note that told you everything.

The reason you had read his diary was because you were concerned about him since he had started becoming strangely distant from you. This made you curious and after you read his diary, you had began to wander if he wanted to carry on maintaining the relationship with you or not.

No. Not your most precious Tom... no... surely not...

You had both been together for about a year and had been friends ever since your second year. He was literally obsessed over you and didn't want any other boys except himself to be in your presence, ever. This is how pathetic it truly became.

Over time, you just ignored him, even when he tried to get you to speak several times. He hated the way he was failing. Passionately hated it. What was going on in that brain of yours? These were his horrible thoughts.

You questioned yourself the same thing about him, as though his mind was going absolutely insane. What were you going to do now that you had decided to ignore him completely since the past month? Just what?

Another month later, it was April and your 6th year. You had big exams coming up so life was getting very busy for you and everyone in your year.

You and your friend, Carolina, were studying Astrology predictions together in the library. Having said that, Carolina didn't believe in Astrology at all, even though both her Sun Sign, Aquarius and Moon Sign, Cancer really suited her.

This reminded you of whether Tom suited his sign, Capricorn or not. Same with Carolina as she had an obvious crush on him and you told her that you two had split up.

"Y/N, speaking of Tom, do you think he suits his zodiac sign? Capricorn, isn't it?" She squealed excitedly.

"Hush, Carol, not too loud," you answered miserably.

"Oh... okay then... well... if you don't mind me asking, how exactly did you and Tom break up?"

"Erm, never mind. Just... can we not talk about it please?"

You felt forced to hide your tears and struggled to prevent them deeply.

In the end, you just had to leave.

"Carol, can I go please?"

"Why?"

"Just... please..."

"Oh. Alright then."

You exited the library and ran to the Ravenclaw Common Room.

Carolina was the only person you had spoken to since your breakup with Tom and you now had some form of Depression.

Once you found your room, you shut the curtains on your bes then began to cry. Your books automatically fell off your bed and you interpreted it as a symbol of your low mood.

You also got out a knife you had sneaked from somewhere totally random, and began to cut your arms and legs for comfort. But subconsciously, it was because you wanted to see if Tom truly cared for you or not. You wanted to be his saviour and to stop him from his dreadful plans...

Thankfully, you somehow had a room of your own.

Why would Tom do this? And why would he wanna be with someone like you? A weird nerd, like yourself?

As for Tom, he was wandering why the hell you would leave him in such a way. And this time round, he was gonna make you tell him the answer. He hadn't spoken to you for over a month due to the way you acted around him. He also didn't wanna upset you.

Gah, he would never ever have been so soft around anyone else. He always gets what he wants, whether he remains a secret manipulator or not.

So this is partly what made you his greatest weakness. You were savage to him. And he wanted to rule the world with you. Just you and him, together. Everyone would bow down to you two and you would both be immortal. That was his dream.

Since he was now in the Slytherin Common Room on his bed, he was lost in his thoughts. He was reflecting on how you hang out with that crazy Gryffindor, Carolina who also loved him. Then he thought of you. How he first met you, how unusual, studious and amazing you truly seemed to him, your first kiss in the Room of Requirement (wow, that was really passionate), your secret dates roaming around the castle at night. Now he had lost you and wanted you back.

However, there was something else he was pretty desperate to do with you... perhaps... making out for the first time... no, he couldn't do that... he could easily get you pregnant and you and him would both be in a lot of trouble for that... no, no way...

But he still wanted to try it on you. He dreamed about it all the time nowadays. Also, the thought of you leaving him actually let out a tear from his eye...

In the end, he became so moody and frustrated that he just marched out of his room to go to the Ravenclaw Common Room to meet you.

He knew the password as he was a prefect.

When he found the doorstep to your room, he felt nervous. What if you didn't answer.

Bravely, he knocked on the door.

"Go away!" You shouted rudely.

Uh oh, what the hell was gonna happen now?

"Please Y/N, I wanna talk to you."

Without hesitation, you opened the door to see the face of your ex-boyfriend who you wanted back so desperately. You knew it was him all along.

It broke him when he saw your face looking so... down and depressed as if all emotion had left you.

He had never seen you in a state like that before. It shocked him.

"Y/N, please. Why have you been ignoring me?" He asked you so softly.

You couldn't answer. He'd probably go mad.

"Y/N, please. I want to know. What's bothering you?"

"Erm..." you paused as you really didn't know what to say.

"Y/N," Tom stroked your cheek while trying to comfort you.

You allowed him to continue and you desperately needed a hug, despite everything.

"Do you need a hug, Y/N?" Tom asked you gently.

You didn't answer, but instead, you wrapped yourself around him tightly and buried yourself into his neck. You were quite a few inches shorter than him, so he placed his head on top of yours.

He began to stroke your hair and give your head a massage with his hand. He shut his eyes and kissed the top of your head as he heard you cry on him.

"It's alright, Y/N. I'm not going to harm you. But I need to know. Why have you been ignoring me?"

Finally, you gave some kind of answer rather quietly.

"I'll tell you if we can do one thing we've both always wanted to do."

"Alright."

It was just as well that Tom accepted that. You had been in some form of depression for the past two months because of him. To overcome it, you needed to make out with him, like so desperately.

It was also not your time of the month when you were fertile either. You told Tom that and he was very relieved and pleased.

With that, both of you began to kiss really hard, the hardest you had ever done in your life. Tom gave your back a massage before lifting your shirt up as you removed his cloak.

You felt his hands touching your private part through your underwear and rubbing it ever so gently. It made you release some chemical that you had released while you imagined doing this thing with him.

He pushed you onto your bed, ignoring the open door since it was all the way upstairs and away from everyone else. Barely anyone went up there, thankfully.

So while he removed your trousers and the rest of your clothes, you did the same to him and he simply lover the sight of you.

"T-Tom... I need you..."

"Shhh, I know. I do too," he whispered in your ear.

And for the first time in your life, he began to give you a slow thrust which made you release more and more chemicals.

He heard you moan then began to kiss your neck. This made you moan even more as you felt his tongue licking everywhere and his lips slowly travelling from your neck to your breasts.

You clung onto him and as he continued to thrust inside of you, and the way he licked and sucked those ever so desperate parts of you made you need him so so much.

Eventually, he made it all the way through you while he kissed your stomach area. Yes, it did feel pretty painful, but you very bravely survived it.

A few minutes later, a sudden amazement of this new found feeling really excited you and made you kiss him hardly on the lips. Passion and movement continued as you carried on messing around with each other. Your necks, lips, cheeks and chests received a lot of kissing and along with your extra-sensitive breasts being given a lot of fascinating pleasure.

Chemicals were coming out of both of you and these funny sensations in your back were being super active. Tom kept thrusting in and out of you and this felt like... the most amazing thing you had ever felt in your whole life.

Eventually, he pulled out of you to your disappointment, but he kinda shocked you yet deeply surprised you when he slowly began to lick that part of you he messed around with a lot.

Woahhhhh.... this really was truly pleasurable. The feeling of his tongue licking that most sensitive and private area of yours?

A few of the sex chemicals did approach him, but then he came back up to you and thrusted inside of you again.

"Tom. That was amazing!" You whispered.

"You feel amazing," he smirked as he rubbed that needy area of yours and put his finger inside of it as he carried on thrusting in and out of you.

The thrusting lasted for quite a long time and you two especially loved kissing each other's necks, chests and lips in particular. Bleh, it even got a bit 'too' much...

Your nerves in your private part were perhaps more sensitive than many other girls which truly increased your desire for sex even more so than them... it felt just super nice and as though it was a drug to you...

He felt very warm and wet inside of you, yet it kinda tickled, but in a good way. You both considered it to be paradise.

Sadly for you both, you got tired and the smut eventually came to an end. But you slept together during the night after Tom shut the open door. And of course, you likewise, cuddled. Completely naked.

The next morning, you woke up in Tom's arms which were holding onto you tightly. You wanted to smut with him again. Thankfully, it was the weekend so no one would find out about what you two did last night, hopefully.

Slowly, you brought your private thingy to Tom's so that you may put yourself around it, but then he woke up and gave you a kiss.

He tugged you in even closer and more tightly than before, allowing himself to give another thrust inside of you. And flashes and flashes of excitement and pleasure came to you two.

Tom released many more chemicals inside of you and so did you around him, but then he whispered something in your ear. He actually sounded pretty afraid.

"Y/N, help me, please. I'm turning... crazy. I need you. Have you left me because-"

He was too scared to answer, and especially that you two were still having an amazing smut...

This made your tears come out with pure joy and excitement.

"Tom, I know your plans anyway. I'm really sorry but I read your diary out of concern since you were ignoring me. But I cannot approve of them. You broke my heart, like seriously. So I decided to ignore you throughout the past two months. I didn't really feel like talking to anyone except Carolina and I- I kinda harmed myself a little to comfort myself."

Tom was horrified to realise that he never noticed these cuts on your arms. So you had been self harming and in some form of depression because of him?

"Y/N! Why- why the hell would you do this?" He began to shed a few tears and hugged you deeply, burying his head into your collarbone and making his private part sink into you more deeply.

That made you and him smile a little while you both cried.

"Y/N. Listen very clearly here. I love you so very much and I can't do anything without someone like you. I don't want a plain, popular, common girl like that Carolina friend of yours. Forgive me here. But you are one unusual and perfect girl for me. You taught me to love when I have never experienced it before. I was going insane and felt that the whole world was against me. I needed to take power and control over others... until... you came along."

Tom cried on you and you couldn't believe what he just said. This warmed your heart so much that it beat really fast. You truly loved Tom and had never felt so in love before.

You massaged his back and stroked his cheek to comfort him as you kinda laughed as he released some more cum inside of you. This feeling really, really helped you as you talked to him very softly and comforting. He struggled to look into your beautiful, piercing eyes, but he eventually did during your most touching speech.

"Tom, you're everything I've ever wanted. I've loved you ever since I first met you. Your intellect, your passions, well, apart from the world dominance one, your handsomeness, your charm, everything. I've always loved you, and I truly promise that nothing can tear us apart. And when I make an actual, real promise, I never ever go back on my word."

You stroked Tom's cheek and hugged him as he smiled at you and buried his head in your neck again. Neither of you had ever felt this happy in your lives, ever.

"I love you Tom, so much. Stay with me and I'll always be here for you."

"Y/N. I love you so very much too. And I promise you I'll never leave you either, forever."

Suddenly, your lips crashed onto each other's so hardly and passionately. All your nerves in your lips were unstoppable to feel so good and then you two began to rock around everywhere.

You repeated your smut. You loved the way he licked you in that sensitive area of yours, same with sucking, licking and playing with those two 'you-know-what-I-means' on your chest. He loved the way you kissed his neck and stomach too, which even resulted in you sucking his- never mind...

After one last super-sensitive thrust which was your best and most fantastic one, you both decided to wash each other in the bathrooms were you two made out again...

This all lasted for the next few days and you two were most certainly back together again. And that was all thanks to sex.

Thankfully, Tom never got you pregnant, yet he still wandered whether to consider you his amazing, beautiful and most loveable saviour, or his savage spy who had secretly discovered his locked-up plans...

Nahhh, you were his saviour. His one and true saviour who had taught him to love.

And you were the only he would ever truly be able to love due to your magical ability to unlock his ability to release the emotion. After all, he was conceived under a love potion and had no parents to look after him. He was in a horrible muggle orphanage since the day he was born, until he escaped to Hogwarts.

Probably just as well otherwise he would never have met his saviour...

A/N: Helloooooo! Ty all sooooo much for reading. This is my second proper smut I have ever written. Sorry if it sounded kinda rushed as I do tend to want to get things done quickly at times, even while writing. But I hope y'all enjoyed it. Love y'all. :-D

#dating tom riddle #tom riddle #tom riddle smut #lord voldemort #voldemort x reader #harry potter #voldemort

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hawkinsschoolcounselor · 2 years

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Honestly, I'm not sure I can take another two years of this. Four hours of content and the story hasn't progressed one iota. Will is still relegated to Ml!even relationship counselor and Vecna-detector status, and they've made Mike go so unforgivably all in on his bullshit that even if he's projecting, I've lost all respect for his character. "My life began that day I saw you in the forest"? Utter horseshit, and no need for it. J,W and M could all have saved her together with family love

Well, I finished watching, and, of all the messages I got, this one probably summed up my thoughts the best.

Not only is Will still silently suffering, but he also feels compelled to help Mike with his relationship with El because he sees how upset Mike is.

I mean, I've been there. It's a horrible, bittersweet thing to love someone so much that you tear yourself apart to see them happy. Everything Will said to Mike in the van was how he felt about him. How Will feels different, like a mistake, but Mike gives him the strength to go on. That cut me deeply. They really went there, and they didn't, possibly aren't going to, resolve it.

Will is the sad gay boy. The fact that he had to sit there and listen to Mike essentially tell El that meeting her was the best thing he's ever done...

I realize Will loves his sister, but there's no way that didn't hurt him. He's literally having to watch as everything he ever wanted slips away.

I realize Mike is clueless and oblivious in the best of time, but how can he not realize what Will is really saying?

Everything, absolutely everything, about Will's story this season was for the benefit of Mike and El. Even his painting only served to help get Mike and El back together. They led us to believe it was linked to Will's love for Mike, and, while technically true, the conversation was entirely about Mike and El. It was just an elaborate "wink and nod" to people who have picked up on Will's feelings in the past.

Will's own development is one of the most painful tragedies I've ever seen.

No Trance, no addressing his own pain aside from a couple "up to interpretation" conversations. No acknowledgement of him being significant in any way, shape, or form. He's still just a sad gay kid who can sense the Mindflayer. A poor kid who just was apparently in the wrong place, at the wrong time.

Oh, and the Mindflayer is apparently Vecna all along, somehow, even though we saw him find it in the Upside Down when he got there?

I don't get it. At all. Why are they doing this? I feel like they're building up Will's pain just so he eventually lashes out and becomes a villain.

I...I need to think, but I don't know that I want to continue on this journey after this.

I was wrong about so, so much, but that's not what really bothers me. I've been very wrong about many things before.

What bothers me is that they led us to believe that it was all going somewhere. That they'd address Will's sexuality. They didn't. At best they hinted at it, just a little stronger than before. That they were "building that up." They didn't. In fact, they tore it down. That Will might again be important. He wasn't. That the painting was significant. It wasn't.

What was with the harness? The photos in the roller rink? Why even build up his feelings for Mike?

I'm at the point where I don't think I'd even accept it if he and Mike eventually got together. At best, they're prepping for a "final 10 minutes" confession. At worst, Will gets to watch, assuming he's alive, as Mike and El live happily ever after.

I'm sorry I led so many of you astray. I just...really thought the evidence added up.

#stranger things 4 #byler #stranger things 4 spoilers

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bluebunnyears-08 · 1 year

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The Bittersweetness of Sonic Prime

You know when I go back and rewatch the episodes of this show because of how it ended, and because of its interesting story, I realize how horribly bittersweet it is.

Usually, Sonic stories have epic adventure stories or happy positive feelings but Prime is just...bittersweet. It gets even worse when you remember the ending of the first batch, which leaves SOO many interpretations.

Sure, there's some action here and there, but the main focus is the characters and their feelings. It's not about the fights or good vs evil, it's just about getting home, and trying to find light in a pitch-black room.

Hope.

Which makes the ending of the first batch worse. Home doesn't exist anymore, Sonic broke it. The way they handle Sonic's character is actually well done in my opinion. He's bubbly, positive, and cocky, but ultimately well-meaning, and unconditionally kind. There are some things he says that are annoying, but nothing too bad. Nothing too unwatchable.

I absolutely enjoy it when they put flaws instead of making Sonic a perfect hero like they usually do. He's more real, and easier to get attached to. He's immature, but he is still a teen, still growing and learning about the world.

The other characters are really good too. And one thing Prime does is show deep empathy for its characters. Each character has more depth to them, and when they express distressed feelings, you can understand and feel it. At times, you can even relate to their pain.

(The way he poses XD, he knows he's a bad bitch)

And I couldn't use this pic without this one.

(Period. End of discussion)

Shadow is another really well-done character, not an overly edgy asshole, but a cold person with a hidden heart of gold. He's standoffish to Sonic, and most likely his friends, but his and Sonic's fighting probably is nothing but competitive sport. Not to mention their fighting ACTUALLY MADE SENSE. Shadow saw Sonic was going to do some stupid shit again, except this time he would break the WORLD, so naturally, he tried to stop it.

Of course, he was going to fight Sonic, the blue bitch doesn't even listen to his friends. Of course, he's going to literally knock some sense into him the first chance he sees him, he broke THEIR HOME.

I agree Shadow could've tried to talk to Sonic, but again would Sonic have listened? Not to mention, Shadow is...a complicated person when it comes to communication.

The variants of the main characters are really good as well. Each of them has goals, ideals, and sides. Of course, there's one that stands out to me, and if you've seen my posts you know who it is.

I can't NOT talk about Nine! He's just so interesting and well-written. The show emphasizes a LOT of mystery around him. Like we KNOW this is another version of Tails, but what happened after he took the shard? How did he see Sonic? What did he discover about Prism's power and how to harness that power? What is going on in his head?!

We'll have to wait for these questions to be answered in the second batch, but he's still very fun to watch. In my opinion, he's not only the best character in Prime, but he's also the most bittersweet in the Sonic Franchise. when Sega tries to write a bittersweet character, it's either too sad or too happy, too edgy or too go-lucky, but Nine is a perfect in-between.

Nine is edgy done right, I am so sorry Shadow SEGA ruined you, and has moments where he's happy too. He's just a very complex and interesting character.

It's hilarious that "emo Tails" written by Netflix is better than any other edgy character SEGA made up. When he blows up or becomes cold, it's understandable.

Attacking Sonic the first moment he meets him? Sonic called him something he was abused for YEARS for, so naturally, he thought Sonic was another "bully". Taking the shard over helping the rebels? He watched the only person he ever bonded with get sucked into this shard, he never bonded with any of the rebels anyway. Doing it again when there was a battle? It wasn't his problem, it was the rebels' he was only working with them because he was helping Sonic anyway.

However, back to the topic, all of the variants Sonic bonds with reminds him of his friends back home, so yeah, he helped and bonded with them, but he doesn't belong in that world. Except his world is destroyed, his home where his REAL friends are, his friends that he mentioned are what make his home, home.

If he does manage to get all of the Paradox Prism together, those worlds and those variants will likely disappear. The variants would go through the equivalent of dying. They'll become one again, but they'll cease to be nothing more than mere traits, they won't be alive anymore, and they won't be their own person anymore. They'll cease to be, nothing more than the shards they are.

No matter what, how happy they are, or how satisfying the conclusion is, they will still have to "die", all just to become a shard of someone who will never know they existed. No matter how optimistic you look at it, it will have a pang of heartbreak.

And I think the chance of them remembering is highly unlikely because it would take away from the main theme of Prime. This isn't about them learning something, it's SONIC, and probably Shadow. If they remember it would kinda ruin the main tone of this show.

If anything, they'll just think it was a simple dream and think nothing of it. Because that's all it was to them, not a deep journey, not a meaningful bonding, just a weird dream that they don't need to think about ever again.

What will the varients think of that? What will NINE think of his worth? Nine and every other variant are just copies, things that aren't as important as the real thing. They aren't worth much, they're just variants, just "shards". With how Nine suffered, with how much Nine WANTS, I don't think he's just going to overlook it and help.

I also think that with his villain arc will come another solution. Another way the world can be restored is without simply converting him, mashing him up with the other meaningless shards, and becoming the real Tails. Another way where he won't be just some shard.

And to be honest, if there's another way that involves Nine going crazy but getting his way, getting to be HAPPY, while restoring the world and bringing everyone back without having to "die", I'm DOWN.

Some people hope there will be a redemption arc, and so do I, I'm hoping that the thing I mentioned just now will be it. Redemption is not always happy, it can be sad or bittersweet. When he does get that, it'll most likely be the harshest bittersweet ending of all.

I keep reading posts that Nine is a good boi or going to be a villain, but I want to say something that needs to be clarified, Nine isn't a good person, but he's not a bad one either, he's simply a kid, and we CANNOT forget that.

He's just a kid with NOTHING to lose, and when he finally finds something to be worth living for, he's never going to have it (unless he does things his own way).

There are some quotes from other Sonic games that I think fit well with what I'm trying to say that sum up ALL these characters, especially Sonic and Nine. All of these were said by Sonic btw.

"Don't be afraid to accomplish your dreams."

"When you want to do something, do it right away. Do it when you can. It's the only way to live life without regrets."

“Every world has its end. I know that’s kinda sad, but that’s why we gotta live life to the fullest in the time we have.”

“If the world chooses to become my enemy, I will fight like I always have!” -(Actually stated by Shadow, my b)

“I’ll never look back, I’ve got no regrets. Cause time doesn’t wait for me. I choose to go my own way.”

#sonic prime theory #sonic prime spoilers #more sonic prime!#nine sonic prime #nine the fox #nine needs a hug #nine deserves to win no matter what #miles nine prower #shadow the hedgehog #shadow the ultimate lifeform #sonic the hedgehog #poor shadow #poor sonic...#oh nine...#they all need a hug #and therapy

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ethanhuntfemmefatale · 11 months

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drop a Matt Engarde character analysis onto us

Anon I am always ready for a Matt engarde character analysis at five minutes to midnight

Ok here goes. there is so much to talk about with Matt Engarde.

The basis of Engarde’s character is his double personality. There’s a lot of ways to interpret this—as someone who is trying to learn but essentially does not know Japanese at all, I think I remember hearing that he refers to his two personas with different pronouns? Which is Fascinating. It’s easy to imagine there are mental health conditions at play here, but there are a lot of people on this site more qualified to talk about that than me (mentally ill guy who knows very little about mental illness) so I’ll leave it to them. The main thing I think is interesting about Engarde’s personas is the way that they relate to his two major roles, as a child actor and a murderer. These are the two main ways he thinks of himself. A dumb, charming kid, and an evil maniac.

For me, far and away the most fascinating and revealing line Engarde has in the whole game is when Pearl asks him why he would do “something so horrible,” and Engarde replies, “Because I’m a grownup, and I can.” There’s another moment where he talks to Pearl that way—“Let the grownups talk.” Engarde’s evil persona carries the infamous mysteriously appearing glass of alcohol, another symbol of adulthood. This is a pattern.

Engarde grew up as a child performer. That’s a role that involves a ton of responsibility and practically zero agency. It’s safe to say he led a powerless childhood, addicted to fame before he could even comprehend it, with a manager whose relationship with him was, in my opinion, questionable at best. The point of this is, there is a direct association inherent in Engarde’s personas: between his “innocent and stupid and beautiful” persona and the powerlessness of childhood; between his “evil ugly mastermind” persona and the agency of adulthood.

It’s easy to see that Engarde’s fame is a trap. Even though he’s a legal adult, he isn’t allowed to grow up because any act of independence, any show of adulthood, would compromise the image he’s built. He’s obsessed with it, all through the game. It seems at times like the only thing he cares about. We see the lengths to which he will go to protect it. We also see all of the ways that it restricts him. Adrian can’t be seen walking out of Engarde’s bedroom. It would compromise his image. Engarde can’t let the world see his scars. It would compromise his image.

The scars are fascinating too. Obviously, there’s the immediate “disgust-fear” reaction the game expects to elicit when they are first shown, which is pretty shitty. But there’s more to it. Engarde’s scars are likely (as many people have theorized) self inflicted, in an act of rage and maybe even self-hatred while wearing the Nickel Samurai costume. It’s not only that his audiences aren’t allowed to see his scars. Audiences aren’t allowed to see his anger, or his capacity for violence and harm. They aren’t allowed to believe him capable of it. Engarde associates anger, injury, freedom, flaws—in short, any sign of humanity—with the end of his career and the entire life he’s lived until then.

Obviously, an existence genuinely free of these things is simply not tenable. It is impossible for Engarde to truly live in his persona all of the time. But instead of allowing himself to relax behind closed doors—a feat that would likely be very near impossible for someone raised to play a part all of the time—Engarde constructs a new persona to fit the parts of himself he doesn’t like. He refers to this persona in the third person. He uses different pronouns. He essentially does everything possible to separate the two personas. In his mind, they are different people.

There’s an important thing I’m leaving out here. Arguably one of the most important aspects, when considering how exactly Engarde decided to make a whole new self that he had to hide from the world all the time. Celeste Inpax.

I’ve talked about this before. First, Matt Engarde did not cause Celeste’s suicide by telling Corrida about their past relationship. No matter how much the game suggests it as an appealing argument, it’s not. It’s ridiculous. However, I think that Engarde wholly and uncritically believes Celeste’s suicide was his fault. He and Adrian share this belief. They deal with it in different ways.

There’s more to talk about here—Adrian describes Matt’s relationship with Celeste by saying that he was using her. It’s not clear whether that idea comes from Adrian’s hatred of Matt or from Celeste herself. In any case, it’s…not impossible that that’s true, but definitely not the most likely conclusion to draw from the evidence at hand (an older woman with a ton of power over the younger man in her care, who later went on to have another romantic relationship with a young man in her care.) I feel confident in saying that child stars are nearly completely dependent on their managers. Matt certainly seems dependent on Adrian to a degree that goes beyond the persona. And we meet him at age 21. It’s easy to imagine that, when they were dating, Matt was completely reliant on Celeste.

Celeste is a complicated figure. She haunts the entire case. Engarde keeps her picture in his hideout, with a note saying, “Love, Celeste.” It’s likely he has been grieving her for a very long time—while feeling fully responsible for her death, and working closely with a manager who also believes him to be fully responsible for her death. That’s an insane situation! It’s likely that the “evil” persona came from that feeling of total self hatred. From the moment Celeste died, Engarde believed he was a killer, which was utterly incompatible with not only the way he saw himself, but also the person he knew he had to be. He had to make up a whole new person who would do those things, and would also be allowed to drink alcohol and be angry. And he had to put all his guilt and self hatred onto that person, the embodiment of all of his shame. And then he had to hide that person completely and make sure no one ever saw him. Engarde had to continue to seem “refreshing as a spring breeze”, in order to keep the career and the fame and the “love” of the audience that he got hooked on at a young age, that quickly became the only kind of love available to him.

(Side note: again, I do not know Japanese, but I would be interested to know how much of Engarde’s motto is a direct translation. The “spring” part to me suggests a childlike, ‘new and innocent’ aspect.)

Engarde’s relationship with Adrian is interesting to me. I am, like many others (check out jackedup180’s excellent engardeposting) fascinated by the detail in the musical production of this case, that Adrian is wearing Engarde’s jacket. Such a strange little incongruous thing. How exactly did that happen? Not only that, Engarde knows Adrian’s “secret”—in turn, she knows his. It seems obvious that their relationship is deeply codependent. I think it’s very possible that there is a kind of twisted affection there. Engarde is one of Adrian’s last links to Celeste, and vice versa. Adrian’s hatred of him allows her a mission, and a productive, righteous anger into which to funnel her grief. The two of them simultaneously understand each other deeply and thoroughly misunderstand each other—which is to say that both of them believe the other’s lie about themselves. Matt believes that Adrian is weak. Adrian believes that Matt is evil.

I have to get up early tomorrow morning so I’ll leave this here. I’m sure there are more details I haven’t thought of, but these are my essential thoughts about Matt Engarde as a character. He’s a fascinating guy!

#I love these asks! thanks anon #ace attorney #matt engarde #adrian andrews #juan corrida #celeste inpax #suicide mention #child abuse #long post #self harm

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anderscim · 10 months

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If you're taking er.....'requests' for theories about characters, I want to discuss something peculiar about David <- being a simp

I'm going to sound like the biggest David apologist ever, but....I have reason to believe that he wasn't lying about his family depression secret. Not in the sense that he actually has it, but him legitimately believing that was his motive secret. When he walked into the dining hall in episode 4, he was getting frustrated and stressed from all the fighting and you can even see the stars going out in his eyes. His distress and annoyance felt more to himself since his body language also helps to see that he was doing his best to block out the fight. The first CG looks like he was trying to think of something to stop it, and the second one looks like he was just growing more and more stressed until he finally stepped. What I'm trying to say is, his family depression secret feels more blurted out than actually thought out. Yet, it was highlighted in yellow, so it's worth considering. Not to mention, he has shown signs of being depressed since day one

You can also see when Arei was going to confront him, she started off by flat out saying "Why did you lie about your secret?" after she found David. David was still shocked at her question. If you knew you were caught red handed lying about your secret, yeah you would still try to deny it. But the first thing that comes to mind, in this situation, is that "Oh shit, Arei must've gotten my secret,". It was also hinted that David thought this way when Arei told him she wanted to talk about his 'secret' until Teruko and Eden walked in. So why would David still try to 'play dumb' when he knew he was done for with the person he presumed had his secret?

My guess is that he genuinely thought his family depression was legit his secret. You can even see his sprite when Arei reveals what it actually is. He's......shocked. He stutters a bit until he asked Arei if she was the one that got his secret, and then just....completely shuts off. He even goes to see the secrets being revealed the next day (keep in mind, he KNOWS what his real secret is) and when Teruko asked him which one is really his, he uses a similar sprite to the ones he used when Arei was grilling him. They all look like he's on the brink of a panic attack, almost triggering him. It's a whole another can of worms than what I'm going on about, but opening the lid a little bit.....David looks....triggered by being called manipulative. It makes me think that this whole act is a breakdown of his and he's just playing along with a last minute act he made up cause no one is going to believe anything he says cause they're convinced he's just this horrible person with no context behind it. You can even see Arturo was triggered when his secret was brought up. If I was planning a killing game and this was the secret I was working with, I would care more about getting underneath the skin of the participants than making these secrets accurate. Not saying one secret is wrong and the others are right, but you can't deny they're worded in a really unfavorable manner

Also, ngl, even if you are aware you are manipulative, how can anyone guess their secret is "You were born only to manipulate others"?

Sorry I went off on a tangent, but yeah :)

don’t worry about going on a tangent, you’re not the only one lol. if someone mentions david in front of me, i will start talking about him and never shut up ( ´ ▽ ` )

(take what i’m about to say with a grain of salt)

and actually, i think i touched on this a little bit once! i highly doubt david was aware that his secret was about manipulation, at least not until arei revealed it to him in private.

i’ve mentioned this before but david’s motive secret is the most “up to interpretation” out of the rest of the cast, and there’s no specific factual details in there like the other secrets:

“the thing is, everyone else’s secret, though written in a way that took out crucial context and painted them in a bad light, was at least somewhat based on an actual occurrence, portion of their identity, and real information. david’s secret is the most vague and was written in a way to attack his purpose and what he personally (secretly) believes his actions to entail. but, unlike everyone else, there’s no concrete occurrence, action that he’s done, or any specific detail in that secret that connects him to manipulation. additionally, his is the most open-ended.”

overall, his secret is really ambiguous, which makes it difficult to guess in the first place.

given that it’s heavily implied that he at least struggles with his mental health, it makes significantly more sense (for david) to think his secret was about depression.

but the thing is—david’s pretty smart, so i’m sure he’s aware that these secrets were tailored to “get underneath the skin of the participants” like what you said. but not only that, they’re also written in a way that diminishes the reputation of that person from an outside perspective. i mean, even the secret he received (which is probably teruko’s) is worded in that way—it’s incredibly difficult to take something like “this killing game is your fault” at face value without proper background information. these secrets are almost written in a way to be accusatory, and it’s difficult to derive any outside context about them without directly asking the person themselves.

but in that case, which would be more tarnishing towards the reputation of the “Ultimate Inspirational Speaker” — the fact that your family has a history of depression, or the fact that you’re still struggling with depression yourself?

my personal theory is that david actually thought that his secret was about his own depression (despite his optimistic persona), and his wording of a “family history of depression” was a half-hearted attempt to dance around that fact. but like you said, it was blurted out, so i feel like it was more a rushed attempt than anything else. though it’s heavily likely that the family history of depression is still true, it’s still intriguing that he decides to use this exact wording—and personally, i see it as him refusing to directly admit he has depression himself. (but i do think david genuinely believed his secret was related to depression)

about the part with him possibly being triggered by the word “manipulation,” i think that’s a really good theory. like you said, his sprites (and that shaky breath the VA put in) during his conversation with arei look like he’s genuinely shutting down. not just that, the same exact sprites are used right before his breakdown in the ch2 trial, when his motive secret is officially confirmed (and when everyone else is reacting to it). it makes total sense if he was spiraling during that time, and i personally believe that to be the case. if you couldn’t already tell from my previous posts lol /lh

thank you for the ask lexi ^^ sorry this is kind of short though, i wrote this while on a car trip so it was kinda rushed

and like i said before, my inbox is currently open so feel free to send in other things you guys are curious about as well!

#bagel’s asks #bagel’s train of thought #drdt #danganronpa despair time #despair time #david chiem #i will never shut up about david #never

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stxrry-dxys · 7 months

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alright i wanted to elaborate a little bit on this post i made here. i’ve been dying to do a proper analysis on hero’s character, but before we start i would like to make some things clear: i do not hate any of the kids, and i do not think any of them are bad or irredeemable people. while i do not think all of their actions were good or justified, i do believe that they had every right o feel upset, hurt, or overwhelmed in the scenarios i am about to analyze. i just want to clarify because i don’t want it to sound like i’m here to dogpile on hero, aubrey, or kel specifically. they’re kids, they’re going to be bad at handling things, and while i am going to criticize some of their actions i do NOT think that they are horrible people by any means. now let’s get into why i think hero is not the perfect responsible boy sunny or the fandom has built him up to be.

hero and mari are the oldest children in a group of friends with not many solid parental figures. kel is a glass child, something hero is shown to be aware of when he runs to kel after their argument when he sees he’s being ignored. as well, their mom is shown to be slightly manipulative and guilt trippy in the game. and while i don’t think this necessarily means she’s abusive i do think saying things like “your mean old brothers don’t want anything to do with us” can create a lot of guilt and stress within a household, especially when their dad just kind of sighs and lightly tries to talk with her. aubrey is in an abusive and neglectful household with her mom, and her dad is implied to be a bit controlling (“my dad would never let me dye my hair”). basil lives alone with an ailing grandmother and parents who are never around. sunny’s only solo memories of his father are the tree chopping incident and him yelling about lost remotes so much that everytime you even click on a remote sunny says not to touch it because “it might get lost”. (im going to exclude sunny’s mom from this section as i feel there’s lots of different ways to interpret her dynamic with the kids and i swing back and forth on these myself).

but all this to say, hero and mari are sort of forced into this parental role for all these kids, while they’re only teenagers themselves. and while the younger ones obviously look up to and admire them, there’s only so much they can do, and both of them are subject to bias as well. this is where i think the idea of them being “so responsible!” kind of fails, though it’s more obvious with hero than with mari.

in headspace, pretty much the first thing hero does is scold kel and aubrey for fighting, a very, very consistent theme for his character. and yes, i am aware that headspace is not 1:1 with the real world, but i do think a lot of the character moments between the main four are based off real events that may have happened. so yeah, hero scolds kel and aubrey a lot, but he also fails at scolding them a lot. often he plays the mediator (“cut it out you two” or “you two are in trouble now”) and while it gets kel and aubrey to drop their current fight, it doesn’t stop another one from coming in the next five minutes. and this failure to prevent their fights and getting more and more annoyed with them throughout headspace’s run culminates in hero’s biggest mistake in how he handles the two of them, that if we’re to believe is based off events that did likely happen, bleeds into the current day fight between kel and aubrey as well.

during the humphrey section of two day’s left, the main four find a lone flower crown lying on the ground. they forgot don’t know who it belongs to, but it’s crumpled and dirty. aubrey debates taking it to return to its owner, and hero says it may not be in a condition where they even want it anymore. and then kel kicks it off the edge, sparking aubrey to yell at him. now kel is slightly in the wrong here, as the best thing to do would be to just not touch it instead of kicking it into the void. and aubrey being frustrated is understandable, but ultimately it’s not a super big deal as it’s not any of their property, so she’s not really in the right for picking a fight here either. however when kel goes to defend himself and say “well hero said no one would even want it any more anyways!” hero snaps. (“that’s enough! kel, apologize to aubrey.”) and this is the biggest issue with hero playing parent for the group, he’s biased.

hero grew up with kel, he’s his brother so he gets to be a little mean or snappy at him and have it all be fine later, and the inverse is true as well. but as much as hero may see aubrey as a little sister, he is not related to her, and he will not feel as comfortable scolding her as harshly as he does kel. so when he reaches his limit with their fighting and snaps, he doesn’t snap at aubrey, he snaps at kel and demands he put a stop to it, even if kel doesn’t really need to. see, kel is in the wrong in this situation, but not with aubrey. the flower crown belonged to someone else, not her. he owes an apology to the person who’s property he just destroyed, not her. and while she is allowed to be frustrated that he did that, she has no right to be completely upset with him (she goes on to pout and ignore him after he apologizes which is absolutely unjustified as it was not her crown, and to her knowledge she does not know who it belonged to). but hero is a teenager, he’s about 15 here and he’s so tired of these 12 year olds fighting, and he just wants it to stop, so he tells kel to apologize to aubrey, even if she’s not the one owed an apology. he’s scolding kel, yes, but not in the right way. and this is a mistake that i think sticks around.

and while no, we do not have proof that this definitively happened in the real world, it’s such a specific scenario for sunny to include, and one i’ve seen happen among my own siblings and my friends siblings, i absolutely believe something similar happened. and i do think this is where mari gets a slight advantage playing neutral in kel and aubrey’s fights, as she’d only really have the familiarity to snap that way at sunny (like she’s implied to do during concert rehearsals) so she gets to play middle ground with the other two more than hero does. but i did mention that i think this had an impact on the real world as well.

kel and aubrey’s biggest issue in the real world is this: aubrey feels abandoned by kel and kel feels betrayed by aubrey. and i want to clarify, i think they’re both a little right and a little wrong. aubrey is absolutely right to be upset that kel never reached out to her (especially when we know he reached out to sunny and hero), but she is not right to be upset with how he handled his grieving process after mari’s death (she notes that she was upset at how quickly he moved on, and to her credit she does acknowledge that this was wrong of her). kel is absolutely right to feel betrayed by aubrey picking fights with him, sunny and basil and being upset that she’s just kind of a bully towards them now (she and the hooligans are noted by kel to be trouble before you properly meet them, they write kel smells outside his house, she refuses to give basil’s photo album back after four years of begging and says herself that she calls him a freak and lets others do it too, she tries to kick them out of a public area in a public park oh my god this part really annoys me about the hooligans wtf was this plotline) (also side note: yes kel is allowed to be upset about her holding basil’s property hostage as he both knows who it belongs to, and has been asked to retrieve it by said person while he was on the brink of tears) but he is not right to keep throwing mari in her face as a moral one-up card, nor is he right to blame her for basil almost drowning when she accidentally pushed him in (she IMMEDIATELY declares it was an accident and is visibly worried about him even though she’s upset with him).

i think ultimately this fight spawns from two things, aubrey has been taught that she is owed an apology when she feels she’s been wronged, without looking at both sides. and kel is tired of always having to be the one to apologize first when he feels he’s not in the wrong, without looking at both sides. again, they’re both a little right and a little wrong for these perceptions. after all, it’s what hero taught them when he broke up their old fights. and even when he finds out about this one, his solution is still ineffective even all these years later. because instead of suggesting they talk it out, which is what would really help them reach an understanding of the other’s feelings, he calls it “another classic kel and aubrey fight” and says they “just need to hug it out”. and while i think he’s trying his best, this is absolutely not what they need. there is a lot of deep seated anger here and it even shows on their faces after he suggests this (kel looks away awkwardly and aubrey is on the brink of tears).

in fact, they don’t even really make up until after kel tells her they dug through the trash in order to save the photo album and they all look through it together. it’s through aubrey realizing that kel does in fact care about their memories together, and kel remembering that even after all this time aubrey still is the same sweet girl he knew, that they finally understand each other’s perspective a bit more. kel can see how hurt aubrey is and aubrey starts to understand that kel had his own way of processing mari’s death.

but even though hero was brought over to fix the situation, he ultimately ends up failing to help the two reconcile, they do it all on their own. because at the end of the day, hero is not a parent. he is a brother, a friend, and a teenager. kel and aubrey don’t know how to process their emotions or fights any more than he does, and he makes a lot of mistakes in the process. and i think this is where a lot of his guilt over mari’s death comes from, and basil’s too in the neutral ending. he was supposed to be the responsible one, the parental one, the perfect balance. but he couldn’t be there for mari and basil, he couldn’t even be there for kel and aubrey. and while that is not his fault, and should never have been his responsibility, he is always going to hold that against himself, he is always going to see himself as a failure.

truth be told, he shouldn’t have been put in a position to believe that in the first place. he should have just been allowed to be a dumb teenager who makes mistakes and doesn’t have to take care of everyone around him. and that’s what i find so fascinating about hero’s character. he is a dumb teenager who makes mistakes, just one that was put on a pedestal and parentified, expected to take care of everyone and everything, when for a whole year he couldn’t even take care of himself. he’s bad at being responsible, and i wish he would’ve been told that’s okay, because it is.

tagging the person who asked to be notified about this post ( @skyisepic ) i’d also love to hear everyone’s thoughts on this analysis, if you have anything to add or if you feel i went too harsh on anyone throughout this please let me know!!

#omori posting #omori #omori spoilers #hero omori #omori hero #omori analysis #long post

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cosmicjoke · 5 months

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Do you think Levi believes in an afterlife? I’ll try my best to explain where I’m getting at but with him he gives me the vibe of someone who has a lot of faith. As if he’s anticipating that everything that has happened will be all worth it in the end.

When we get that first scene of him with the dying soldier, when they had to throw the corpses, when Erwin died, the dead ghost comrades. There’s like this recurring pattern here with the way he reacts to death. He doesn’t bawl his eyes out, nor does he question why they died, but he expresses a sense of hopelessness instead. (I hope u know where I’m trying to get at here.)

Anywho, that’s another thing, he never thinks when certain things happen that it was in vain. In other words, there’s always a reason why they happen, he never complains about the horrible things he went through, is humble and doesn’t boast about his feats even when the whole world looks up to him because like with everything else, it will disappear eventually, and for Levi yes, it did, he’s physically lost his strength, but not his spark. The spark of pure hope, and so what does he do? He continues to go out of his way to do as much good as he possibly can.

This, I think is someone with traits not only of a pure heart, but also with pure faith, and I think those two factors fit in tandem beautifully with his character.

Sorry this got too deep, lol

Hmm, that's a really interesting question and analysis.

It's a little difficult for me to answer.

While you interpret Levi's reaction (or lacktherof) to his comrades dying as maybe evidence of him having faith in an afterlife, or that their lives will continue on elsewhere, I've always tended to interpret it more as evidence of Levi simply being USED to death, as awful as that sounds. Not that he's desensitized to it at all. I think the thing people often miss about Levi, and I think this is due to just them not paying attention to him as a character, is that his stoic facade is just that. It's a facade. But there's always subtle tells with him about how much the loss of life around him actually impacts him. He isn't immune to it at all. In fact, I would safely say that Levi is probably more deeply affected by the loss of life than any other character in the story. It bothers him more than anyone.

So when I say that I think Levi's lack of outward reaction is a result of him being used to death, what I mean is that he's come to the conclusion that death is a natural part of, not just the human condition and experience, but a part of the natural world. Again, we have to remember, Levi has been around death since he was a little boy. He watched his own mother die a slow and no doubt painful death right in front of him. And then, being in the Underground, he was surrounded by death. Death caused by many things. Disease, starvation, violence, etc... Death without meaning, basically. I think Levi learned early on that crying about it, or complaining about it, or questioning it, wouldn't change the reality of it. It wouldn't bring anybody back.

Now, when Levi joined the Survey Corps, and Erwin explained to him this idea that, if he would lend his strength to their cause, in doing so, he would be able to give meaning to the deaths of those around him, I think that idea appealed to Levi so much because he was always so stricken by the awful reality he grew up in, which was that people died all the time for no good reason, or no reason at all. I think people dying for no reason has always been something that hurts Levi deeply, precisely BECAUSE he values life so much. He thinks life matters and should be valued. He's always thought that. He thinks people's lives should be protected and nurtured and cherished. And so people dying without reason, without purpose, is something that's always upset him a great deal. It's something he understands, but it's never lessened his own belief that life matters.

So I think Levi liked the idea that, even if he couldn't save every life, even if he couldn't stop people from dying, he could still make sure that their deaths weren't in vain, and weren't meaningless. He could find a way to give their deaths meaning. And that's why, I think, Levi refuses, as you said, to acknowledge or accept that anyone's life was given or lost in vain, and why he fights to give their lives and deaths meaning in any way he can.

Basically, I think death in general is so antithetical to who Levi is as a person, the concept of death, because he believes so powerfully in the value of life. I always talk about how Levi is really the character in AoT who embodies most this idea of life having intrinsic value, of being worth something, of being important and meaningful. It's why I always say he and Zeke are diametrically opposed. He fights for life, and he fights for the idea of life mattering. He tells his soldiers constantly "not to die", and says it like it's an order. He wants to avoid death as much as possible, even as he's accepting of the brutal reality that what he strives to achieve is actually impossible. But still, he strives for it. And if he can't achieve it, he'll achieve the next best thing, which is to make sure the lives he couldn't save are still given meaning and value, by taking the sacrifices of his fallen comrades and using them to fuel his own strength and will, a strength and will he uses solely to fight for their hopes and dreams.

So, just to wrap this up. I don't know if Levi believes in any sort of afterlife or not. Or if he believes in a higher power or not. I tend to think Levi is a realist, and that he only really puts his faith in what he can see and touch and feel. He knows the world is a brutal, unforgiving, violent place, where people die all the time without good reason, without any reason at all. He's seen too much in his life, has been through too many terrible things, has been raised in too much violence and cruelty, to ever have a rose-colored picture of the way the world works, or the way death works. His "non-reaction" to his comrades deaths isn't due to a lack of feeling on his part, but rather just an exhausted understanding. This is the way the world works. This is the way life and death is. Sudden, brutal, impartial, cruel.

But the thing that makes Levi so remarkable is that he DOES understand this, and is more intimately acquainted with it than anyone, and yet, he STILL thinks life has inherent value. He STILL believes that life is worth fighting for and protecting and nurturing. He STILL believes that life is worth it, despite all the pain and suffering that goes with it.

At his core, despite his brutal experiences in life, Levi is an optimist and an idealist.

And again, I draw a comparison between him and Zeke. I've had people try to argue to me that Zeke's pessimistic outlook on life, his belief that life is meaningless and has no value, and thus his dismissive treatment of other people's lives, is a result of his upbringing and the experiences he had as a child and young man. But I say no to that. I call BS. Because Levi was taught and exposed to all the same brutal lessons about the frailty and futility and pointlessness of life and death that Zeke was, the same lessons about the cruelty of human beings to one another, only in even more brutal, intimate and close up fashion. And yet, DESPITE THAT, he retained an ability to see and understand life's value, and always carried with him a driving desire to protect and help others, and to ensure the value of their existence was acknowledged and represented by his fighting for it, by lending his strength to the cause of their lives.

So I don't really think it's so much a question of whether Levi has faith in a higher power, or an afterlife, but more so that Levi simply has faith in the value of life in general. He believes wholeheartedly that life matters, that people's lives matter, that they should be protected and cared for and fought for, even when the world around him tries so hard to snuff that life out. Even when the suddenness and unfairness and cruelty of death presses down around him, Levi never loses faith that life is worth fighting for. It shows an extraordinary strength and goodness of heart, then, that Levi retains such a belief against, not just the world's, but other people's indifference and dismissiveness toward life. He never allows the cruelty of the world, or of other people, to turn him cruel.

So how we see Levi in the end, even in his disabled physical state, and despite the devastating and encompassing loss he himself personally experienced, still doing all he can to help better people's lives... well, that's just who Levi is. Who he's always been. An exceptionally good person who, despite growing up in a world which constantly assaulted him with the lesson that life is worthless and without value, never submitted to such a notion, and never gave in to it.

That's true strength. And yeah, that's true faith. Maybe not in a god, or a heaven, but in life itself.

#Levi Ackerman #attack on titan #shingkei no kyojin

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swordfright · 1 year

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please write that essay

I assume based on your timing that this ask is in reference to this post, in which case I'm sorry it took me a couple days to get around to answering! This is not gonna be super well-organized but here are my thoughts:

The lore tidbit about c!Quackity actually having WON the bet with Glatt is literally the best possible way that whole situation could have gone. It’s such a solid storytelling move and I respect cc!Q to the moon and back for confirming it, both because I think c!Q's actions after having won the bet are very in-character for him and also because this option is, simply put, more narratively satisfying than the alternative. I'll explain why I think that.

c!Quackity's whole character arc is about belonging and agency and, importantly, how the pursuit of those things can go wrong. When he first joins the server he struggles to find somewhere to belong and gets used by others. His later attempts to exercise agency in order to foster his idea of a safe and stable community (yes, I'm including Butcher Army here) largely end in disaster. So eventually, Q establishes his own country, his own place where he can control every potential element and risk factor, but arguably he does so at the cost of love and friendship and community, the things he wanted to foster and maintain and protect in the first place. His defining fears about community safety eventually become reduced to fears about personal safety. To me, it’s a very clear negative character arc. When Q makes the bet with Schlatt’s ghost and ends up torturing c!Dream for the revival book, the audience are led to assume it’s because he lost the bet and is still beholden to Glatt in this one final way.

The exact nature of his and Schlatt's relationship prior to Schlatt's death carries some degree of ambiguity, but it's pretty widely interpreted as an abusive romantic relationship, and I'd argue that canon supports this interpretation. They were engaged following the Manberg coalition, and we know their relationship was increasingly rocky during this period. If you subscribe to this particular interpretation of their relationship (which I do because again, I believe canon supports it), then this adds a certain weight and gravity to Q's bet with Schlatt's ghost. The bet becomes a horrible postmortem extension of this toxic relationship that has deeply left its mark on c!Quackity, and Q losing the bet puts him in a vulnerable position both psychologically and literally. He is still beholden to his shitty ex, despite having put him in the fucking ground. That's a powerful motivation to get the book and be done with Glatt forever --- so it makes sense that when Q started torturing Dream for the book, many viewers automatically assumed it was because Q lost that bet.

Personally, I never really liked that assumption, because I feel it lets Q off too easy. It's too convenient an excuse. It dismisses the horror and cruelty of Q's deal with Sam by allowing Q the plausible deniability of desperation, characterizing the torture as his final desperate attempt to escape Schlatt's legacy, i.e. “My abuser made me do it, I’m still being threatened and coerced, I’m not culpable for my own actions!” (Which isn't even a justification that c!Quackity himself would ever use, so it's frustrating to see viewers fall back on it. The c!Quackity woobification in this fandom is much worse than the c!Dream woobification but let's leave that discussion for another day.)

But then (BUT THEN!!!) we find out that no, c!Quackity didn't lose the bet, he actually WON. He didn't want that book for Glatt, he wanted it for himself. He tortured Dream for this reason and because he enjoyed torturing Dream, and it’s an amazing anti-reveal because it pulls the rug out from under you but it also makes perfect sense given the sort of person we’ve watched Q becoming over the course of the past year’s worth of lore content. It’s about cycles of violence! In a story that has been about cyclical violence from the beginning, this is a natural conclusion for Q's character arc. DSMP is a story about building as an escape, and escaping what you've built. And ironically, this reveal makes c!Quackity a perfect foil to c!Tommy because Tommy is an abuse victim who, in a lot of ways, strives to be better than his abuser (hello I realize this is a controversial opinion but whatever this is my post) and Quackity is an abuse victim who intentionally strives to out-do his abuser.

Finally, Q winning the bet with Glatt is like, the only option that carries any kind of narrative catharsis. Because if he’d lost the bet, it means that despite Q's tireless efforts to gain agency, he never truly succeeded and is still being used as a pawn. Which is boring imo! It’s literally “area man ends up exactly where he started," which can be a compelling arc but it's not the most compelling possible arc for this particular character in my incredibly biased opinion. Whereas Quackity having won the bet gives his character arc direction. The arc then becomes “area man strives against all odds to achieve agency, succeeds, forfeits humanity in the process.” Area man escapes cycle of abuse only to perpetuate it. Which I personally like because I think it's interesting!

It may not be an uplifting arc, but it’s an arc! It starts in one place and ends up somewhere else. It has momentum! Even though this reveal technically reflects “poorly” on Quackity’s character (idc lol he will be my forever babygirl no matter how many times he violates the Geneva Convention), it’s a plot twist that respects his character so much more than the alternative. There's only so far you can take a story about a guy being powerless. It's much more fun to tell a story where the powerless guy finally attains the agency he always wanted, but at a great personal cost.

(Coincidentally, this is also the reason I wish c!Wilbur's finale stream had ended not with him leaving c!Tommy but with him asking Tommy to accompany him to Utah and Tommy rejecting his offer. But I digress lmfao I'll be bitter about that storytelling decision on my own time)

Anyway, I think @elmhat phrased it really well when they said "We care about Quackity because of his choices." Not just what happens to him, but how he decides to react.

#i realize i didnt cite any sources here #sorry its late and i'm too tired to go hunting for clips BUT #if you want me to cite any of my claims then just shoot me an ask and i'm happy to track down the clip for you!#c!quackity #quackity #dream smp #dsmp #dsmp meta #hope you enjoyed my essay anon #hmu if you want elaboration on any particular point

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bohemian-nights · 1 year

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Sorry for the ranting it’s just nice to meet follow Nettles fans who appreciate her character and don’t try to constantly erase her from the narrative.It’s definitely doubles down with the show but that’s been happening even before that. Why are there so few stories about Netty? She’s such an interesting character who seems to have had a horrible life(can you imagine what it does to a person a young girl on top of that to live all ok her own homeless for many years?)yet the fandom doesn’t bother with her at all. And you can’t blame the show because like I said Nettles erasure has been happening from the begging. Rhaena as much as I love her isn’t the last dragon rider she’s the last Targ one(if N isn’t a Targ/Valyrian)which is an important distinction the fandom doesn’t usually make. Which brings me to D and N’s relationship that always gets erased and I don’t even mean just on a romantic level but on s platonic one as well that’s how you now no matter how the show portrays their relationship fans will hate her no matter what. But talking pre show why are there more stories about Daemon/Laena or Daemon/Rhaenyra even Daemon/Mysaria then there is about him and Nettles. There’s nothing to indicate either of these relationships especially the first two were romantic but for a long time Laena was used as the self insert for D’s true love before they switched to R lol. And I mean self insert because we barely had any idea what their relationship was beyond them probably having affection for each other considering D’s reaction to her dying. No matter how you choose to interpret him and N there’s more info about them together and his feelings for her then there is for the other three women put together yet whenever D’s relationships are discussed N is always cut.🙄

No don’t apologize for “ranting” lol I enjoy these ask’s/discussions. Nettles 👩🏾🐑🐉 is criminally underrated period and she’s one of if not the most interesting characters in F&B.

She comes from less than a humble background and she’s potentially the only non Valyrian dragon riders that we know of in the ASOIF universe. And was you pointed out she is the last dragon rider as well. She straight up rocks!

I hate saying it, but one of the main reasons why she is less talked about/loved is because she’s the only in canon(not partially race swapped) “Black/Blackish” character in the actual books. Nettles is cut from the list because it’s hard for them to picture

In book canon Laena, Rhaenyra, and Mysaria are all “white” so there being more stories on them prior to HOTD makes sense. They could self into them(now they only have Rhaenyra) so of course they would show them more love.

There does seem to be more information on how Daemon felt about Nettles (as well as their day to day lives with one another), but their relationship in general(romantic and platonic) is just glossed over in favor of his other relationships by certain parts of this fandom.

For Christs sake’s some of them are literally calling for Nettles to be cut from the show entirely cause they straight up do not want her anywhere near Daemon in any capacity 🙃 We can see what you are doing when you say this.

There is no way to separate Nettles from Daemon so the next best thing replace her with or girl Rhaena and make sure that Daemon can only be with Rhaenyra.

Mysaria really isn’t that much of a threat in their eyes cause they know he never really was “in love with her”(especially not during the war). They were just f*ck buddies and she was his master of whispers, but whatever romantic feelings he held for her were long dead.

Nettles on the other hand, well they wouldn’t be putting up all this fuss if they really thought that he only saw her as his daughter and not someone he deeply cared about in a less fatherly capacity.

Side note: Them switching up saying Laena is the love of Daemon’s life then switching up to Rhaenyra being the love of his life cause Laena is Blackish in the show will never not be funny 🫠

I do think Laena was the wife Daemon loved the most in the books and I do believe that he at some point “loved” all of his love interests(well not Rhea obviously lol), but whether he was “in love” with all of them 🤷🏽‍♀️

I will stand by the fact that he was probably in love with Nettles though. There was no reason why he was doing all that he did for her when he stood little to gain from it. Nettles would have fought for Rhaenyra whether or not Daemon showered her with attention and affection.

Nettles was honorable/loyal as well so she would have never betrayed Rhaenyra. Which I have seen some of these stans claim who try to justify their queen making the idiotic/insane decision to order a 17 year olds murder without even questioning her🫠

#hotd ask #answered #nettles asoif #hotd spoilers #daemon targaryen #nettles #mysaria #laena velaryon #anti rhaenyra targaryen #nettles supremacy #daemon x nettles #nettles x daemon #bring in nettles hbo #daemon targaryen x nettles #bnasks #bnask #bnhotdask #bnhotdasks

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